#All these fuckin' thoughts they are not what I need anymore. I'm about to shut the mother fucking door...👊🏼😏🤪

[chrissv4mp]

౨ৎ YOU DON'T REMEMBER CALLING OUT FOR ME?

★ sum: after a bad breakup with matt, you storm out of his party and get in the car. matt follows after you, and he regrets everything he said when he sees it happen.

☆ pair: matt sturniolo × fem!reader

★ tws: cursing, arguments, crying, driving under the influence kinda, car crashes, slight blood, mentions of amnesia (the loss of memories, facts, information, and experiences.)

☆ a/n: don't check my airbuds history.....

★ a/n 2: also really hoping to make a part 2 for this, but i need a few opinions

★ wc: 3.3k

navigation

"don't be so fucking sensitive, y/n! i was just messing around. you're getting all riled up over nothin', kid." matt groans, leaning back and supporting himself with his hands on the mattress underneath him.

a scoff falls from your lips as you cross your arms, watching him from the open door of his bedroom, "don't call me 'kid', i'm not a fuckin' kid, matthew. and you could've died from the height of your apartment! you're still drunk." you catch sight of his blown pupils even from across the room, worry and anger clear on your face.

matt just rolls his eyes, gripping the sheets in his hands as he sighs, "well, i can hear what you're saying perfectly, thank you. and, plus, i wasn't gonna lose 50 fucking dollars, y/n."

"you didn't have to give it to the guy, matt. you're just so reckless, it's like you're trying to kill yourself 24/7! what is your problem?" your breathing is heavy now, the heat of the argument never dying down as you continue to voice your complaints about his recklessness. tears threaten to fall down your cheeks as he just mutters inaudible words.

"what problem? there's not a problem, you're the one making it a problem, y/n. it's not my fault you're such a boring fucking person. god, i can't even comprehend why i wanted to date you!" he growls, his voice never shaking as he stares you straight in the eyes. he seems serious, but you knew that he always said things he never meant while under the influence.

it feels like your whole world just fell apart, though. your chest feels tighter and it's almost like you can barely breathe, gripping the doorframe tightly as you watch matt fiddle with the edge of his pillowcase. he really doesn't care, his eyes not showcasing any emotion other than hatred. or, that's what it seems. you want the tears to fall, but they don't. you want to leave, but you can't. you want matt to say something, maybe even take it back, but he doesn't.

you want to— "then why haven't you broken up with me?" stupid. the realization that you just spoke up hits you only when matt stands up from his bed, inching closer toward your small figure as he gets tilts his head to get a better look at you, "tell me, matt." again? just shut up!

"you're right, i really wonder why i didn't do this sooner." your eyes widen in the slightest, your heart dropping to your stomach as you stare up into his cold, blue eyes that once looked at you in adoration. the spark that was once there is gone now as he looks at you, squinting his eyes as he speaks, "we're over. get the fuck out of my room, y/n."

your lips part in a silent gasp, eyes searching his for any signs of hesitation or regret or something. nothing, once again. he scoffs when he takes a step back, crossing his arms in a mimicking manner as he nods his head toward the hallway behind you, "actually, get the fuck out of my house."

the sick feeling in your stomach never leaves even as you turn away from your boyf—ex, and walk through the hallway. you make your way down the stairs, not even stopping to say bye to nick or chris as you pass by them in the living room. all you do is keep your head down and drag your feet, grabbing your jacket off the rack before leaving through the front door. it slams behind you, but you don't care anymore. your whole world just fell apart right in the hands of the person who you loved most. in the hands of the person who you thought loved you the most.

matt didn't care, though. well, not until he replayed the earlier events in his head over and over again after he saw you leave down the stairs. the impact of his words didn't hit himself until you were finally gone and he was sitting in his room alone, surrounded by millions of memories of you and him. your clothes were still here, the things you bought for him, they were painful reminders of the words that he just spoke to you. he didn't even think about it when he said them, he was just spitting out anything that came to mind. he wasn't thinking of the consequences.

maybe he should run after you or maybe he should just sit here and drown in his sorrow and despair, that was the more reasonable option. for him at least. his mind is so loud right now, he doesn't even know what to think anymore. his body moves by itself, jolting forward as his feet take him running down the stairs. he skips steps, almost tripping over his untied shoelaces and stumbling down the last few. he takes a quick glance at the living room and kitchen, but you're not there.

party guests call matts name, but he's not listening. he's not interested in whatever bullshit they have to say right now because his mind is shouting at him to find you, to make things right and show you that he never meant it. he doesn't even notice that he's shoving party goers out of the way until someone pushes him back, resulting in the brunette getting splashed with some red beverage. his heart beats fast and hard, the sound loud and drowning out any other thing around him. we'll, besides the overwhelming thoughts of you.

he slips on one of chris's jackets, darting out the door and slamming it shut behind him. he doesn't see you in the driveway, no sight of your car down the street or on the side of the apartment. his ears pick up on the sound of a car beeping, and his head whips around to find a bike propped up against the garage door. it all happens so fast, he can't even remember when he started pedaling down the street and catching sight of your h/c hair through your car window. he waves, but you don't give him anything back.

it feels like he's invisible, and now he knows what you felt like tonight in that apartment, alone and unseen. unheard by any and everyone around you, including the love of your life. matt watches as you speed up, ready to round the corner deeper into the neighborhood. you really don't know where you're going, though. all you want right now is to just get away from the house and never come back, you didn't want to remember the events of tonight ever. your hands grip the steering wheel tightly as your foot presses even harder on the break.

the tears you held back earlier now begin to fall, and you mentally curse yourself for not holding them in longer. now you couldn't see anything, your vision blurry as you bring a hand up and off the steering wheel to wipe your eyes, trying to see through the windshield again. it doesn't work, and now you're just hoping that you won't lose control over the car. the limited time that your vision is cleared, you can see matt following close behind your car on a black bike, and your first instinct is to freeze and stare.

you don't make the turn, stomping on the brakes in the middle of the road as you watch your boy come closer and closer. his eyes widen, lips parting before you hear a cry of your name tumble from his lips. the only noise you hear is a loud horn coming from the left of you, your head whipping to the side and watching as a large truck comes your way at a fast pace. then, you hear the ringing in your ear, eyes squeezing shut as you let your arms fall to the side of you.

the truck t-bones your car, sending both of the vehicles flying to the right quickly. you smell gas, feeling the wet sensation of blood dripping down your temple and running down the bridge of your nose. your body feels weak, like you can't move, so you just sit there, head lying against the airbag on the steering wheel as you slip into unconsciousness. matt watches in shock and fear as your car tips on its side and smoke begins to erupt from the hood of the car. his heart feels like it stops beating for a moment as he watches the truck reverse and drive off quickly, anger coursing through his veins as he jumps off the bike and lets it fall to the pavement of the sidewalk.

he runs over to your car, his chest heaving up and down quickly as he makes an effort to tip the car back on its wheels. it doesn't work, though, and he grunts as he throws himself against the metal of the roof, "y/n, hey!" his voice seems to snap you out of your daze, now feeling fully conscious as your eyes flutter open again. your body fell against the car door, the seatbelt strap felt like it was suffocating you. the small space of the car suddenly made you weary, eyes widening as your breathing picked up rapidly.

"don't! stop, y/n, don't panic," matt breathes out, trying his best to come off as calm and collected. but he's really not, he's far from anything relatively close to the sort. more footsteps are heard behind him, and now his neighbor is standing a few feet beside matt, "what the fuck happened?"

"doesn't matter. js' help me flip the car, would you?" matt sighs, the panic in his body rising as the smell of gas surfaces. the car flips onto the wheels after quite a moment of struggles, and matt doesn't hesitate to throw youe car door open and grab you. his feet take him stumbling away from the car again, holding you tightly in his arms as if he let go, he would lose you. again. a string of coughs erupt from your throat as you and matt fall gently to the grass of someone's front yard, and matt lies you down as he props himself up with his elbows.

his neighbor is already far away, phone up to his ear as he watches the car explode into flames, the windows of nearby houses reflecting the burning red, orange, and blue lights. matt breathes out as he grips the fabric of his hoodie, more tears coming to his eyes at the realization that if he hadn't left sooner, you would've died. his head moves away entirely from the scene, looking back at your weak body that lay on the grass beside him.

only then does he notice the large gash just below your hairline, and his breath hitches again as he struggles to throw his hoodie over his head and hold it against your own. his other hand cradles the back of your head, his body hovering over yours as he silently prays that you'll be alright. the blood has already traveled down your neck, though. it soaks your white shirt as your head falls to the side, eyes threatening to close as you mutter out jumbled up words, "hey, hey, come on, look at me, y/n. please, look at me. open your eyes, come on..!"

"baby, please. just stay awake, please. my pretty girl, come on..!!" he whispers, anger overcoming his being as he grips the fabric in his hands tighter. he's so angry at himself. he wished he was the one in that car. he should've been the one to experience this, not you. you didn't deserve this at all. it was all his fault, what happened to you. what if he had just talked with you? what if he had just said sorry? what if, what if, what if?

the world seems to spinning faster than usual right now, your head aching as you look at your surroundings. as you look up at the sky, you're met with the cool shade of blue that slowly fades to orange and pink as it travels beneath the mountain until you can't see. then, you make out the frame of matts face, his eyes full of worry and his hair messy. tears stream down his face as he cried quietly, "matt?" you mutter weakly, eyes teary and bloodshot. he nods frantically, a small smile forming on his lips as he whispers, "yes, yes, yes. it's me." but then it all goes away.

matt? who was matt? your face contorts into a look of confusion as you try to tilt your head, only to hiss at the sting the small movement causes, "what—who? who are you?" the hope is washed away by those few words, and the brunettes smile disappears as he feels tiny, imaginary daggers stabbing away at his heart. he doesn't have time to speak before he finally hears the blaring sounds of sirens coming down the street. multiple emergency vehicles drive down the pavement quickly, stopping at the scene. matt is suddenly being pulled away from your frail body, fighting against the hands of the paramedics as he tries to yell out your name. nothing comes out, though, his voice too tired to be used anymore.

his vision is blurred, but he can still make out the way your eyes close softly as your head falls to the side. his heart shatters as he cries out your name finally, all the emotions so overwhelming he doesn't know what else to say. then his brothers are holding him close, trying to calm him down as all three of them stumble to the pavement of their driveway, "matt, hey, look at us. she'll be okay." nick whispers reassuringly, but he doesn't know if that's true. chris just stares blankly as the paramedics carry you on a gurney into the back of the ambulance.

your lip is busted, blood dripping down your head quickly and multiple bruises scattered across your body. the ambulance doors begin to close, and matt quickly jumps up from his place between his brothers and sprints towards the red car. his hands pry the doors open again, eyes wild as he stares at the caretakers in the back of the ambulance, "please, let me come. i need to be here with her, just—" one of the paramedics nod, and that's all the confirmation matt needs to jump into the back and take his place beside your head.

the car shakes subtly on the gravelly road, and the gentle coos of... him make your eyelids open slowly. you want to get up, so you make an effort to move yourself off the gurney in the back of the ambulance, but the paramedics only urge to stay where you're at, "you have to lay down, you're in terrible shape, sweetheart." but why? what even happened? where were you and why were you there?

who were these people? no, who was the guy right beside you who continued to stroke your hair gently? you don't even know yourself right now. did you hit your head? is that why it ached? what about your body? your eyes move around the small, confined space of the ambulance, stopping when you look out of the little window in the back door. the car continues to move down the street, but you still don't remember where you're going or where you were coming from.

"what happened?" you finally speak, but your voice is low and quiet, barely audible to anyone over the beeping of machines and the rocks beneath the road. matt sighs quietly, and now your attention is on him, "you got in a car crash. you're okay, now, so, don't worry." he gives you a gentle smile, but you only give him a look of confusion and worry.

"no?" you try to argue, looking around at the paramedics beside you. they only nod, and your heart drops once again. you were always a safe driver, or at least that's what you think in that moment. everything in your mind is so blurry you don't even remember what happened yesterday or what plans you made for the future. and still, you didn't know the guy touching your face.

matt watches as you space out, his thumb stroking your cheek affectionately as he frowns. he remembers the look on your face earlier that night, when he broke things off, and now it's back. that dumbfounded look that makes your lips part and your eyes squint subtly. you looked the same at times, even when half your face was beat up. he didn't care, though, he still thought you were beautiful, always. he brings his hand up to brush a stray hair out of your face, and only then do you turn your head to look at him again.

"who are you..?" you whisper, eyes looking him up and down. his hair is messy, eyes droopy, cheeks stained with tears, and his clothing is wrinkled. matt tilts his head, a smile coming to his face as more tears well up in his eyes, "you don't remember me?" you shake your head the best you can, squinting your eyes to try and get a better look at him. it feels like you should remember him, it seems like he was an important person in your life, but you can't quite grasp who he was to you.

"you don't even remember calling out to me?" another shake of your head, and matt inhales sharply. he wanted to scream and cry. he wanted you to comfort him. he wanted you back. but he should've known you wouldn't remember it. he should've taken the hint the moment you asked who he was. it still hurt, though. it felt like the entire world was bashing him. emotionally and physically, it hurt, the guilt weighing down on his shoulders as he stared at your confused face, sniffling quietly before he took his hands off your head.

the drive continues, but this time the tension is thicker then before. the silence is so loud, you barely hear the loud blaring of a truck horn coming from outside of the car. you flinch hard, eyes shutting closed as you try and shield your face. matt watches with teary eyes, letting out a breath of sympathy as he replays the events in his head. then, the entire thing comes back to you. the loud horn, the smell of gas, the blood sticking to your hair and the boy who came to save you.

red, orange, blue. the fire. the screams and the cries that the boy let out for you. he was the first person to come after you because he cared for you. you still didn't know why, though. why did he care so much? why did he feel the need to save you? "i told you even then you looked so pretty, y/n. you still do, you'll always be beautiful to me." the brunette whispered, leaning over your frail body as he gave you a gentle smile. his eyes were teary, though, and he looked hurt. very hurt.

"i—i'm sorry." is all you can say at the moment, eyes traveling to his as you frown. he shakes his head, lips parting to inhale shakily before he speaks, "don't be. ts' not you're fault," he smiles, but when he looks back into your eyes, they're swarming with the tiniest bit of guilt, "you do know that, right?" nothing but silence from your end. the boy takes your hand lightly, careful not to accidentally hurt you as he runs his thumb along the top, "it was never your fault, baby. i promise you, it was my—it was that truckers fault for not stopping."

your lips curve into the smallest smile as you make an effort to hold his hand, and the boy almost bursts out into sobs as he feels it. his head turns away from you for a few moments, trying to recollect himself as he takes deep breaths. when he finally looks back at you, your eyes are already on him, "i'm—i'm matt, you're boyfriend. but... we need to talk about a few things, 'kay..?"

tags: @jetaimevous @livialifesblog @watercolorskyy @blahbel668 @her-favorite

@wiidfi0wer33

[vixen7243]

Undivided Attention: Gaz

Gaz X AFAB!Reader | TF141 X AFAB!Reader

Masterlist | John Price |Ghost

MDNI!!

Y/N was Task Force 141's combat medic, a sweet little thing that barely ever since joining had seen the light of day in a fight, they sheltered you to the base and that was it, the most action you had seen ever was on the rare occasion that Price okayed you to get on the helicopter with Nikolai to pick them up and that was it. At first Y/n was unbelievably annoyed with them when they had started developing feelings for you and started to slowly shield you from the tainted things in the world, or so they say but whenever they would throw that stupidly lame excuse around in front of you a hearty laugh would erupt from you. "Tainted world? Guys, the amount of dead bodies that I've had to leave in my wake before joining you all is enough to fill hell alone. I'm parted of that tainted things in this world."

The angry glances and scoffs that followed your attempt with reasoning with them made you hold your tongue after John's following statement. "You won't ever be apart of that world anymore, not while I'm still breathing."

It had taken a while for the team to warm up to you, the thought that General Shepard was the one to specially assign you to them didn't sit well with them till they had seen the back handed way you would openly shame him and degrade him with annoyance and slight humor gleaming in your eyes. "No wonder you have been working so well with them, rabid dogs always know how to stick together." Barking a laugh at him you made quiet the spectacular come back on his embarrassing attempt to hit on you and get you into his bed, only for you to make an impotent comment to him and his age. After which, with the brightest red face, being sure to always avoid your presence whenever possible. After that, Soap, Gaz and even John eased up on their ignoring and slanted looks, having small talks with you eventually enjoying long chats with you late into the night if you or them, couldn't sleep. Ghost still gave you hard stares every once in a while but he would at least respond back to you when you asked him anything or talked to him.

Somewhere along the way of slowly easing you out of the field and keeping you at the base, the men had even started leaving lingering touches, longing glances and sweet nicknames that would make your stomach flutter. It was one late night in John's office, you were yet again up late with him, mostly keeping him company, he sat at his desk, papers scattered, his bourbon abandoned long ago while you were insisting he drink tea after 7 if he needed to drink something, this being better for his liver. You sat in a chair on the other side of his desk, legs kicked up while you read a book from his mini library, bored mostly but you always were curious of the books he read so you pushed through, a night that was the same as any other when you would sit in his office, the sound of the clock ticking, his pen scratching along the papers and the occasional turn of a page from you. Finishing the last page you slammed the book shut, making John look up at you, stretching back into the chair you groaned loudly, "Good lord Captain, can't you read mor entertaining books? Maybe ones that also have a happy ending, thought I was going to fuckin cry, why do authors always kill the character that draws out the best in other characters?"

John set his pen down as he also leaned back cracking his back as he settled in, "You still finished the book, I would say it was entertaining enough. Would you rather I read one of your books this time maybe?"

A blush dusted your cheeks as you thought about your stash of books in your room that you kept locked in a footlocker, they were definitely dirty and maybe more sick minded than what John was used too. "Uh, no, we'll stick to your books, you definitely couldn't handle my books." A small chuckle left your lips, a smile coming up thinking about how John might blush at some of the things you've read, or even are currently reading. You wonder how he would even react to knowing that you read about girls getting absolutely destroyed in bed, so sore they can't even barely move after, even passing out because of how good it feels. Sucking your bottom lip between your teeth, you glance up noticing that he was watching your lip.

"You don't think so?" You watched has his hand ran over his beard that he hadn't gotten around to trimming, or more or less you haven't, he had you take up the dutiful job of keeping his facial hair trimmed and kept up, you sometimes sitting in his lap, doing your absolute best not to grind near his crotch when seated. "What do you read then? Enlighten me." Looking away from him you tried to think if you should lie or make up an excuse and leave, to embarrassed not to tell him the truth of the filth that you read. Hearing him clear his throat, you glanced up through your lashes watching as he pointed to his lap. You had gotten so used to sitting in all their laps, your ass barely ever sat the seat of a proper chair or couch, especially in the rec room, Soap and Gaz loved to pull you up into their laps, their hands massaging your thighs or back as your fingers massaged their scalps, necks or shoulders. Ghost sometimes would push you to one side of the couch, throwing himself down, resting his head in your lap while your fingers played with his blonde hair, you hadn't gotten a chance to see his face but he does now wear sometimes a surgical mask, black. Getting up you made your way to him, sitting in his lap, feeling like a little doll, you belonged to all of them, you knew that, they knew it. As soon as you straddled his lap, his hands crept up and down your sides and thighs, you were trying to find the words you wanted to use to get yourself out of this but looking into his eyes, you were stuck.

That night, through soft words, guided affection, and encouraging embrace, John set claim to you, later in the morning notifying the rest of the lads you walked out to the rec room Gaz and Soap the first up and right in front of you like puppies. You all had a very long chat about boundaries and limits, safe words and commitment that morning. After all was aired out, you were officially locked down to the base, and eventually, surprisingly fast just accepted it.

Soap was the handsyiest, even around base, he always had his arm wrapped around your waist, face buried in your neck, there was no reining him in, this was him holding back. In the rec room, he would beg you to cuddle on the couch, which would lead to cockwarming, then eventually down right fucking, he loved having you around him, you did nothing but praise him, words he barely ever heard but yearned for. You handed them out to him like candy, without a second thought, sometimes admittedly yes, you should have told him to stop, not in public, no PDA but god, his puppy eyes always made your heart clench, you just couldn't say no to that face, the bastard.

Ghost was more reserved, having to be careful do to him being a superior officer, as well as John. That's not to say that he didn't follow you around the base when Soap wasn't glued to your hip, whenever he found his chance, he would stick to you, happy little glances his way making him preen. Getting you to the rec room where you two could be slightly more open with affection, Ghost was almost, almost unrecognizable with his little whispers, your praises making him blush, his softened eyes quietly begging for more of your attention. Once he has you in his room, god, he has you pinned under him, sometimes even holds you above him, just begging for more praise, his voice uncharacteristically cracking from emotion, your gentle hands smoothing over scars that make him flinch, whining as he thrusts into you, body breaking as you just keep giving him everything, telling him that he deserves everything, even forcing him to say he deserves this, as you kiss his body gently, caressing him, handling him as if he was the finest piece of glass that could break from even a breath. You really did enjoy giving Ghost your attention, especially when you knew at times it was helping him heal wounds that he refused to ever heal, he was your delicate flower, even if to all them, you were theirs.

John got you most nights and mornings due to how busy he was, it was unspoken but agreed upon, you slept in his bed, unless one of the others truly needed you after a bad day, or dream. Sometimes when he could spare a moment in the day away from the confines of his office and work, he sauté you out, like his own little personal mission, and you would go back with him to his room, or his office, which ever was the closest. After making sure the door was locked he would hold you, your words ringing in his soul as you held him tightly, whispering the sweetest love you could offer him that wouldn't make him rebuttal that he was too old for you, that he was being selfish in holding you the way he does. That if he was a better man, half the man you praise him to be, he would stop his advances, let you go, close himself off again, but he couldn't he was filth, worse than filth for keeping you so close. You would hush his negativity with kisses, massages and words so sweet you would see the broken captain that tried so hard to stay strong for his team, for you. You held him together as he found the warm and love he didn't believe he deserved inside you.

Gaz, sweet, patient, caring Gaz, he let you be, he never followed you, never looked for you, he gave you space. He knew you would come to him, you always do, you always make sure to divide up your days for all of them, giving them all the attention and love you could possibly offer them while trying to give yourself some in small increments whenever possible. Gaz watched as you would coddle Soap, giving in to the grown mans pleas of just the tip before absolutely destroying your little cunny on the couch, both of you spent and panting when Ghost comes in to lecture Soap on keeping that to his room. While also noticing on the rare occasion when Ghost wouldn't close his door all the way, seeing as he begs under you, quiet tears slipping down his lieutenants cheeks, your sweet words and encouraging praise breaking the man down even more before the two of you flip over, Ghost's head resting over your heart, the both of you taking a short nap in each others embrace. Seeing when his captain would take you to his office, and then hear him confined in you his fears, failures and short comings, all which you counter softly, Gaz would walk away hearing his Captain break down with you as well, before he's sure, as you had done with Ghost, hold him.

Gaz was patient, but to a point. For lords sake, he was a man too, he had needs, desires, problems, and he was apart of this team. Whenever he would notice in the past fortnight that you were making your way to him, his body would tense, a pent up of emotions flooding him, ready to be released into your caring embrace only for you to be dragged off by one of the others. Never, not once did he ever speak up with his annoyance, or aggravation, he kept quiet, waited, but, today was it, he couldn't be patient, or your good boy while Soap was dragging you away from his path to take you to his room. Gaz stood up abruptly and picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder, "Damnit no, it's my bloody turn with her, the lot of ya keep out my room for the night." Huffing ignoring their questioning gazes, not quite used to Gaz having that kind of tone, he carried you to his room slamming the door shut and locking it before setting you on his bed gently, he wasn't trying to take his annoyance out on you truly but he was at his limit.

"I'm sorry Kyle."

"Not you that should be apologizing, come here." Kyle got up into the bed after kicking his boots off, waiting for you to do the same as you curled up into his side, resting your hand on his chest, head over his heart listening to it pound heavily. There was a beat of silence as you stayed on his side before pushing up slightly and looking into his eyes.

"Talk to me, you have me all night I won't go anywhere."

Kyle let loose everything, everything he was feeling, had been holding in, the things that had been happening, people that had been pushing him, his desire for you, and finally he broke down to his loneliness of being without you for so long. You listened, unjudging as he started to fall silent, bring your hand up to his cheek you cupped it as you kissed his other cheek lightly, the soft look in your eyes making his heart wrench, he really did miss having you in his arms. You reassured him, changing positions as you cradled his head into your lap, breaking down everything he told you, lifting up his soul with your loving gentle touch, words lighting up his world.

After a comfortable silence befell the both of you, Gaz turned squeezing your thigh, while he moved your body where he wanted, slotting himself between your thighs, groaning as he dragged your body down the pillows. He kissed your stomach as he undid your pants and dragged them down your legs, kissing and nipping your thighs and ankles before going back down and nudging your underwear to the side laying a soft kiss to your clit. "Kyle" Wrapping your fingers into his curls you moaned, feeling his smirk against your cunny as his tongue darted out and dragged up your slit before he started grabbing at your shirt and pushing it up. Taking it from him you slightly pushed up and tugged your shirt off, feeling him moan into you you flinched as he wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked. Feeling your juices start to coat his lips and drip down his chin he sat up and pulled his shirt off, guiding his hand back down tugging on your underwear while undoing his belt and pants. Tugging on your underwear you kicked them off wrapping your legs quickly around his waist when he freed his aching cock, wrapping your arms around his shoulders you kissed him, your tongues sliding into each others mouth, reexploring each others bodies, his hand groping, mapping, feeling your body under him, his cock bobbing at your entrance, pearly beads of precum dripping onto your clit.

Pulling back, he looked between your bodies, gripping the base of his cock before lining himself up, and pushing in slowly, giving short, slow thrusts as you squeezed the back of his neck moaning into his skin. When he bottomed out inside of you the both of you groan, he was slotted in right at your cervix, fixing his position, he set either hand on each side of your head before pulling back just enough to where his tip was resting inside and then slamming back into you. Setting that pace, the neither of you could hold your moans back, the sound of skin slapping on skin echoing, carrying out into the hall. Reaching your hand down you skimmed your fingers over your clit rolling it between your fingers, your back arching up, and your walls clamping down onto Kyle's cock, your orgasm washing over you quickly. Kyle fucking you through your first one smirking down at you, "First one, many more to go gorgeous."

Kyle pulled back and grabbed your hips turning you onto your stomach, yanking your hips up before sliding back in, your sensitive walls fluttering around his cock, a whimper sliding out of your mouth, his pace was quick and harder. You were sure that by the end of the night, your cervix had to be bruised but god, it was feeling amazing and you would welcome the arch for the following days. Kyle grabbed a fist full of your hair before pulling back, your back arching deliciously, pushing up onto your elbows you cried out when you felt his tip sliding against your gummy spot making your toes curl and a broken groan fall from you as you gushed around him for the second time, a cry fall out of your lips as he continued to pound into you. "Kyle, fuck, I-I can't..."

Smiling he pulled out and turned you over, pushing your knees up to your chest, both legs thrown over his shoulder and he guided his cock back in, "One more for me gorgeous, I know you can do it, come on." Crying out he relentlessly pounding into your swollen cunny, pushing his forehead against yours, sweat falling from him to you mixing with your own, your skin stuck together, your cum connecting the two of you when ever he pulls out for a moment before he pushes back against you.

Feeling him twitch inside of you, you kissed him, massaging his back and scalp feeling his hips stutter when you started, lifting your head as much as you could, you whispered sweet praise into his ear, your voice hoarse from crying and moaning. Kyle couldn't hold back, slamming his hips back into your sweet spot he pushed the both of you over the edge a groan mixed with a whimper pushed out of his chest while you cried out using whatever strength you could must to hold him as close as possible.

Slowly pulling out, he rolled beside you pulling you into him, both of you smiling exhausted, his hands rubbing your lower back and kissing your forehead. You intertwined your legs, and rubbed the sides of his neck before scratching the base of his head humming. The moment was sweet and quiet between the two of you, content with just the presents of the other. You had fallen asleep after a moment, Kyle figured he would be nice and let you rest for a few before you woke you up with his head between your juicy thighs, and his fingers restuffed deep inside you. Besides, the night was young, you guys could rest for a bit.

----

John Price |Ghost

[angelicsoka]

EXPOSED, j. drysdale

word count | 608 words

pairings | jamie drysdale x fem!hughes!reader, platonic!trevor zegras x reader, platonic!hughes brothers x sister!reader

summary | in which the hughes brothers walk into their younger sister's apartment to discover something shocking.

warnings | not proofread. one use of “y/n”. mostly dialogue. lowercase intended. this is a work of fiction, i am by no means saying this is how they act in real life.

a/n | i’ve had no motivation to write as of late but i had written this a while back so i figured i’d post it! the quinn fic should be up in the next few weeks (hopefully). 

light flooded the bedroom, slowly waking the couple that lay in the bed. the woman groaned, attempting to break from her lover’s arms which only seemed to tighten around her. “j, hon, you gotta let go.” she rasped out, gently tracing her boyfriend’s face. he pretended to not hear her, playing it off as if he were asleep. “j, i know you aren’t asleep.”

“you don’t need to get up. just stay here with me.” the raspiness of his voice gave her butterflies. his eyes fluttered open, a soft smile on his face. “you’re so beautiful, you know that?”

“thank you, my love, but flattery will not win me over this time. my brothers are coming to town today and trevor is supposed to be picking them up around noon.” she laughed slightly as he groaned.

“tell trev to take them out or something.” he suggested, chuckling when she rolled her eyes.

“yeah, cause that isn’t suspicious at all.” sarcasm laced her voice, running her fingers through his hair.

“this isn't helping, y’know.” jamie pulled her close, kissing her forehead. “okay, fine. we can get up. just know i’m not happy about it.”

“that's okay, i can live with that.” she winked, rolling out of his arms. jamie caught her arm, pulling her back in for a kiss. the kiss became more heated, jamie’s hands on her cheek and hip, as she pulled at his hair. they were in their own little world, unaware of the front door opening. unaware of the footsteps approaching her bedroom door. the door swung open, the couple breaking apart at the noise. in the doorway was her brothers and trevor, shocked looks on their faces.

“what. the. fuck.” jack stated dramatically. in a rush to get off of their sister, jamie fell off the bed, getting a laugh from trevor. 

“the fuck you doing here? did you let them in?” her voice was raised, her cheeks heated as she yelled at trevor. “why didn't you stop them?” quinn and luke turned to look at trevor who held a sheepish look on his face.

“you fucking knew?” jack turned to his best friend as jamie looked to his girlfriend who looked frazzled. “you knew and you didn’t tell me?”

“she swore me to secrecy and honestly, she scares me more than you.” trevor admitted, “i wanted to, i was literally about to explode on my way here.”

“all of you go wait in the fucking living room!” she shouted, breaking them from the argument that was bound to happen. “go!” the brothers hesitated for a moment, but trevor was already down the hallway. the brothers left, luke pulling the door shut. the poor kid looked like he had just seen a ghost. “j, are you alright?” she finally turned to her boyfriend who had still not moved from the floor. 

“yeah.” it was silent for a moment before the couple broke out into laughter. “well, i guess the secret’s out.”

“honestly, they reacted better than i thought they would. fuckin’ trevor though. i'm gonna beat his ass when i get the chance.” jamie laughed at the exasperated look on her face.

“i’ll help.” he smiled, standing up and joining her on the bed. “at least we don’t have to hide anymore. now, i can show off my beautiful girl.”

“and i get show off my handsome boyfriend.” jamie kissed her once more, a smile gracing her lips.

“hey! you guys better not be doing what i think you're doing!”

“fuck off, jack!” she shouted to her brother, giggling as he stomped away. “i love you, jamie drysdale.”

“i love you, y/n hughes.”

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

On the topic of Eridan and Karkat's "Pact"

This pact:

ERIDAN: i dont fuckin need this from you i take enough shit as it is from the rest a you dirtscrapers i thought you and me had a kinda pact or wwhatevver KARKAT: OK FINE, SHUT UP, I APOLOGIZE. I KNOW IT’S TOUGH BEING YOU.

It's been a topic in the fandom for a while, since we never find out what the pact is about. Well, I think I figured out the answer. Neither Eridan nor Karkat know, either.

See, the wording Eridan uses there is pretty vague - we had SOME KINDA pact OR WHATEVER. Like he's not totally sure it includes demanding Karkat being nice to him, or even that that's what they really have at all.

Well, later, Karkat says this to Eridan 311 hours in the past:

CCG: HEY ASSHOLE CCG: CONSIDER OUR "PACT" OVER PCA: wwevve got a pact CCG: NOT ANYMORE

And this is all that's ever said on the topic of their pact... because I'm pretty sure that this is the moment that it gets created. Past!Eridan (<- dumbass) went "huh, I guess we have a pact," and the next time he brought it up to Past!Karkat, Karkat (<- dumbass) probably went "huh, I guess we have a pact."

So.

Yeah.

[tenshiblogposts]

Bakugo x reader

(+_+)

Just a quick warning: this little thingy contains cussing, dirty thoughts and masterbating but not explicit.. I think that's it.

Enjoy!

"That bitch..."

Bakugo Katsuki stood as a formidable force—a tempest of explosive energy and unwavering determination. But behind his fierce exterior lay a secret he dared not reveal—a deep infatuation for a certain classmate.

Yes,the same classmate he was looking at, or rather, staring at her meaty thighs, which were squished by her thigh highs.. goddamn.

She was doing it on purpose! He was damn sure of it!

It was as if she knew that his imagination would run wild, that he would want to tear that tiny fuckin' skirt to pieces and slam her on the nearst fuckin' flat surfa..

"That fuckin' bitch.."

And she just had to bend down, didn't she.. little minx.

"Bakubro, you good man?"

Does he look like he was good to you, Shittyhair??

"Mornin' firecracker! Hope you slept well last night~"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU DAMN EXTRA!!"

-----------------------------------

He couldn't contain himself, his will and his dignity shattered whenever she was close, so he had to do what he had to do... in one of the school bathroon stalls..

Not his proudest moment.

"Fuck.."

Recalling how she looked today, her thighs, her tits, oh those perky little tits that he wanted to ravage and leave marks on, her little cotton panties with the little bunny print, even the way she calls him firecracker every time, it drives him crazy with the want, no, the need, to shut her bratty mouth with his cock, to see her tears streaming down her pretty face, to stuff her full of his cum over and over and over untill she begs him to stop and even then he wouldn't, it's about time to teach her a lesson. Because bad girls deserve to be punished.

Muffling his groans with his school shirt, biting on it and hoping nobody would hear him pleasuring himself to the thoughts of her.

Never in his life, had he lost himself in such a hormonal-induced way, it was her fault! Hers! He'll show her! He'll show all of them!

Fist pumping his hard, angry cock faster, his hips rutting violently. He'll fuckin' show her!

----------------------------

"It's okay girly, I'm pretty sure he'll notice how gorgeous you are soon!"

"I don't know what you see in that brute, he doesn't deserve you at all."

"Thanks guys.. I really don't know what to do anymore, maybe going commando would help next time?"

[starfxkrreloaded]

hunting practice - jj. m.

discord mod!jj x kitten!reader

we all know about the infamous google doc with these two. they can never seem to stay out of trouble but there’s one incident that sent people over the edge.

maybe it isnt a good idea to film yourself chasing your girlfriend with a gun.

based on this

the issue wasn't that jj had bad aim, the issue was that he had almost perfect aim.

the fact that he kept missing meant he was really trying not to hurt you for once.

he had given you a head start setting you off in the woods as he checked his ammo with a beer in hand, "you better run fast pussycat. don't wanna see what happens when i catch you."

when. not if. so you booked it, despite the fact that it was getting dark and you could barely see in front of you. you thought you made a good enough distance when the the tree next to you cracks, the bullet just barely missed your head.

"run kitty, run!" jj's voice was closer than you thought and you were smacked with the image of your brains splattered across the forest floor when he shot the ground next to your feet. your heart was thudding, the further you got the darker it was and the muddier the ground became and you kept slipping until your clothes were caked in mud and leaves.

another shot rang out, farther this time and you felt like he was toying with you on purpose, "stop! time out! i can't breathe!"

jj reloads, "no timeouts remember? i catch you, you're mine."

exhausted, you try to run again, but your legs gve out before you can make half a step. by now you were crying, makeup smeared down your cheeks when a flash blinded you. he was filming you now, all while you stared down the barrel of his gun, "please i don't wanna play anymore, i'm done!"

jj just laughs, and before you know it he's in front of you with the gun pressed to your head, "aww, but i was having fun. been needing a bit of practice."

all you could let out was blubbered pleads as he trailed the muzzle down your face, "n-no i'm d-done." you hiccuped and he sighed, vaguely you thought you heard him slide the safety back on, but that relief was short-lived when he brought his foot up to your chest, pushing you back down with a soft oof so he could kick your legs open before he settled his boot on your stomach.

"i dunno, you seem like you were having fun to me." the flash still obscured your vision from where he stood over you, recording how your body trembled in fear and adrenaline underneath, "are you fuckin wet? jesus christ." jj cruelly digs his his heel into your cunt, smearing mud into the crotch of your panties.

"s-stop- i'm not- oh-" you couldn't hide it, if it weren't for the thick leather of his boots you were sure he could feel your clit throbbing. but you laid there, shivering and mewling as he continued to grind his foot against your puffy lips. a combination of your hot arousal and the cold, damp mud made you slicker as he zoomed in closer unbeknownst to you. and he slid the safety back off.

"look into the camera, c'mon look."

blinking your eyes back open you gasp--this time jj's shaking, his finger hovering over the trigger right above you.

"i'm a little tweaked out right now i'm gonna be honest, you gotta hurry up."

you let out a whimper, but your whole body goes hot again, "please don't..."

"i wanna fuck you so bad, but you gotta do it for the camera first."

desperately you shift your hips up, rocking in time with him as you inch closer and closer to release, "i can't"

without a word he slides the bullet into the chamber, and you're in tears sobbing as you try to cum.

"lemme help you out then."

jj aims at you and your eyes screw shut in anticipation, when he shoots just above your head, timing it with a well placed grind of his heel and you cum all the while you're crying and hysterical underneath him.

the lights gone and suddenly he's on top of you shaking and frantic with a kiss, "you're fine, you're fine. i wasn't gonna hurt you."

he swallows the rest of your sobs as he pushes his shorts down just enough to sink inside of you--still throbbing and sensitive from your orgasm.

this one really didn't go over well on twitter.

[ch3rryb1ss]

Riding Obanai’s thigh

(warnings:Punishment, choking, spitting, degradation, Slapping if you squint, Penetration, Thigh riding, Obanai being mean, Dirty talk, squirting, Fem reader, Dom Obanai, Breeding kink if you look hard enough)

The springs on the bed creaked in protest as Obanai sat on the bed patting his thighs for you to sit. “Sit down…” your eyes rolled a little, but you did what was asked of you. Obanai’s warm veiny hand ran over the natural curve of your back. You were angry at him for being rough on you during training. In his defense, he told you it would be hard so why were you mad? It made little sense to him, but he decided not to piss you off anymore. At least at the moment. “Why must you be an asshole?” That turned his gears a lot! He tried not to let his anger get the best of him, but you weren't helping.

For that reason you were now completely bare your wet core grinding against his hard muscled thigh. A few complaints ripped out of your lips, but once his hand came around your throat you shut up.”I told you to shut that fuckin’ slutty mouth of yours. I’ll shove my cock down your throat next time.” You couldn't even cum from this! But you knew better than to complain about this type of thing during your punishment. You left a wet trail in your wake as you tried to satisfy yourself. “Awww, poor baby can't get herself to come?” You shook your head knowing he was being sarcastic. “You want help with that?” Obanai asked releasing your throat. You nodded avoiding eye contact with him, but no he wasn't gonna have that. He decided that if you didn't want to look at him while he was fucking your soul into oblivion. He'd stop “Say please first…You don't get to make demands here” you huffed at first but eventually listened.

“Please Obanai…” He rolled his eyes. What do you expect from a sassy man anyway? “What are asking for? You know better than this.” That made you even more frustrated but you listened to him “Please can you fuck me” The thought of finally getting his cock made you even wetter. He nodded palming his cock through his boxers you had even forgotten he had nothing except for that on. He just took the fabric off of himself now completely nude. He pinned you on the bed with no warning, “Fucking slut…” He didn't bother easing himself in just one thrust he entered leaving you to deal with it. He knew his way around your body, he knew all those sweet spots. He didn't need to be guided the head of his girthy length teasing that one spot. Before he roughly pounds into you. The springs of the bed protesting against his roughness with a few squeaks. To keep you quiet his fingers were shaved into that pretty little mouth of yours to gag you. “Fucking slut…You thought I'd let you moan like a bitch in heat” you hated being degraded, but you loved it too.

He continued to rut into you pulling his fingers out of your mouth to spit in there. You happily swallowed it though, “You little whore…You love it when I spit on you don't you?” He asked one of his hands squeezing your hip with a bruising grip.”You love being treated like a bitch don't you? Say it!” Obanai demanded feing your gummy walls tighten against his length. He heard a little whimper escape your lips “I'm waiting…” he landed a harsh slap on your cheek not enough to hurt you,but enough to make you talk. “I l-love b-being t-treated l-like a b-bitch” you stammered. Which satisfied Obanai who smirked under his facial bandages. “Good little whore…” he kept snapping his hips against yours until you squirted all over him. “You seemed to like that, You really are a fucking slut” he finally let out a groan his thrusts getting sloppier. He shot his seed into you wanting to fuck it into your tight little hole but he decided you been through enough. “I should fuxk my cum back into you…Then everybody would know you’ve fucked somebody with such dirty blood. You’d probably like that a lot”

___________________________________

That's it I’m fucking tired 😔

(NOT proof read)

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

A/N ::: I did dishes tonight and was bent over, yeah, you guessed it, filling up the Jet-Dry thingy and thought how nice would it be to have Draken come up behind me and whack me on the ass. And then it just got terribly, terribly out of hand and now we're like 2500+ words shorter on life. I'm so sorry I do this shit. But you don't have to read it. (THOUGH ILY ALL SM FOR READING IT!!!!)

C/W ::: Domestic!Draken x F.reader, fluff, some smut.

WC ::: 2,572

You're bent over the dishwasher filling up the rinse agent again. Because even though everyone that comes through your home CAN do things, doesn't mean they WILL.

You're filling it up and it hasn't spilled yet. Like, all of it has gone into the receptacle and it's perfect. You hear Draken's heavy, booted footsteps approaching you and you're so excited to tell him your stupid little feat over the dishwasher. "Ken! Ken! Guess what I just di-" he smacks your ass with a cupped hand. And so hard, too, that it almost makes you fall forward onto the open dishwasher door.

"What. The. Fuck. Have. You. Done!!" you say to him in a tone that's borderline scaring him. "Did you not see what I was doing here? I c- hoh man. Oh my god, Ken."

"W- why're you talkin' to me like that? What'd I do? Why ... why is your face so red, sweets, hm?" You stood up and turned around, the jet-dry all over your hand. And you're so much shorter than him. He doesn't understand this fear that's bubbling up in his stomach at the way you're staring at him with such ... murderous intent.

"Um, th-thank you for doing the dishes ... right? Is that what I'm supposed to say right now?" You slap his arm, making him yell in surprise. "Ow! Wha-"

"Don't interrupt me!" you yell at him. "You know damn well why I'm upset with you. Don't play dumb."

"Ohh, is this about the ass smack?"

"Yeah, it's about the ass smack! Do you realize how perfectly I was pouring that stupid dishwasher spot rinse this time? You just ... you ruined it! I'm gonna have to wait until it's run out and try again! AGAIN!"

He laughs. "Aw, baby, you're cute when you get all mad like this. It's adorable."

"Ryuuguji. This is not fucking funny to me! You can't just hit me like that while I'm trying to do something else. I was bending over for god's sake. You couldn't just, I don't know, tap me or something?"

"Uhhh, but you love it when I smack your ass, babe. Don't even try to deny it."

"That's beside the point! You can't do it every time."

"Well, maybe if you weren't so fuckin' hot when you're bent over like that, I wouldn't feel the need to!" You stare at him with your mouth agape. "I'm just sayin'!" he adds.

"Just. Shut up. And go back to your show." You turn around and start filling up the dishwasher again. He puts his hands on your waist, sliding them around to your stomach. "Ken ... I love you, but don't touch me right now."

"What if I don't wanna watch TV anymore? What if I wanna watch that pretty mouth of your wrappin' around my..." he pressed his erection against your ass. "Hm? You look so pretty."

"Are you kidding me?"

"What, you don't want my dick anymore? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes! That's exactly what I'm saying! I don't want it right now because you're being insensitive!" He laughed.

"Why are you being so fuckin' psychotic about this? It's just the stupid spot rinse. And anyway, wasn't I helping you by getting more of it to circulate around in there? I think I deserve a thank you for being so insightful without even knowing it."

You turned around and shoved him away. "You're unbelievable. Seriously." You put the cap back on the spot rinse and walked away from him. "I don't wanna talk to you."

"Oh, come on! Baby, don't be like that! It was just a joke!" He followed you into the living room, where you were sitting on the couch with your arms crossed. "Sweetie, I'm sorry. I'll let you do your thing from now on, okay?"

"And how am I supposed to know if you're just saying that to appease me? You can't just apologize like that and expect me to believe you."

"I'll prove it to you. I'll watch your every move and make sure you’re not doing anything else before I smack your ass. See? I can be considerate too."

"Okay, well, if you can go a week without smacking my ass when it's poor timing, I'll believe you."

"A WEEK? I can't smack your ass for a whole week? Babe. Come on. You're being cra- unreasonable about this."

"I'm being what?"

"Nothing. Just. Fine. A week it is."

"Good." You smirked at him. "So, you can start by letting me finish filling up the dishwasher right now."

"No." He said. "Puttin' my foot down. And - and no. You getting all huffy about the fuckin' dishwasher has me hard as fuck and I want you to sit on my lap. Now."

"Are you kidding me? No! I'm not having sex with you after you made me spill my hard-earned dishwasher spot rinse!"

"Baby, it's just dish soap."

"AH-HA! It's not dish soap. It's a rinsing agent!" You don't know why you felt like you'd won the whole thing right then and there. But Draken just shook his head at you and walked to the bedroom and flopped down on the bed, undoing his pants.

"Fine. Just know that I'll be over here, jackin' off while you're doing your little thing. And you'll be missing out on a good time, so, you know. Your choice."

You didn't care. You went back to the kitchen and started filling up the dishwasher again. This time, you had a timer set for 5 minutes. If you couldn't fill it up in that time, you were going to give up and come back to it later.

Draken stayed on the bed with his cock in his hand, stroking slowly while he watched you from the bedroom. It was kind of hot, seeing you so determined. He knew you weren't going to let him win this one. And that turned him on. A lot.

But you couldn't do it. The timer went off and you still had a little left to do. And it pissed you off. You walked back to the bedroom and threw a pillow at him. "Happy?"

He smiled at you. "Why don't you come and find out?" You looked down at his hard cock and back up at him. You rolled your eyes and grabbed the pillow, throwing it back to its spot on the bed.

"I'm not gonna have sex with you while you're being such a brat." You started to walk away but he grabbed your arm and pulled you toward him.

"I- sor- sorry. I'M being a brat? Who the fuck do you think you are! Talk-" he pulled you so you were standing right in front of him and yanked your yoga pants and panties down in one motion. "Talking to me like that. You're the brat here, brat. And you know what," he laid you over his lap so your ass was in the perfect position to spank, "you're about to get a little lesson in respect. I'll show you who's a brat."

"K- Ken ... don't you dare!" But he was already bringing his hand down on your bare ass, making you yelp in surprise. "Ah! Ow! Don't you fucking dare!"

He smacked you again, harder this time. "Respect, bitch!" He smacked you again and again, alternating between cheeks. "Who's a brat now?"

"You, Ken! You! Oh my- oh my god, please stop!" You were laughing so hard that tears were running down your cheeks and you couldn't believe he was doing this to you. It stung but it was also turning you on.

He stopped spanking you and pulled you onto his lap, laying you on your side so your ass wasn't touching anything. "You okay, baby? Huh?" He ran his fingers over the red marks on your skin.

"I hate you so much," you said, still laughing.

"No. You don't." He kissed your cheek and ran his hands over your body. "You love me."

"Yeah, I do."

He lifted you up and positioned you so you were straddling him. "Good. Now. Let's have sex."

"Um. I don't think so." You slid off of him and looked around for your pants. They were in the garbage. "Really, Ken? The garbage can?"

"What? It's not like I meant to throw them there."

"Mm-hm. And besides, you just spanked me! Multiple times! So no. N-O spells no." You started to run away from him, still bare assed. Your ass jiggled all the way down the hallway and he couldn’t take his eyes off of it. 

"Oh, no, you don't!" He ran after you and tackled you onto the couch, pinning you down with his body. "I didn't say you could go anywhere. You're staying right here with me."

"Ken, please!"

"Please, what? You want me to spank you more? Is that it? You liked getting your ass slapped, huh? You little slut." He pushed his cock against you, pressing it against your clit. "You wanna get fucked?"

"Yes! Yeh-hess, I want you to fuck me, Ken."

"Hmm. Not so fast." He pulled away from you and got down on his knees on the floor, lifting your legs up over his shoulders. He kissed the inside of your thighs, his lips ghosting over your skin. "You know how much I love these thighs of yours?"

"Mhm. Ken, please."

"Really. Now you're begging me for it? You're fuckin' unbelievable. So needy 'n shit. Got some nerve." He pressed his tongue against your clit, flicking it back and forth. "I don't know if I'm ready yet. You're gonna have to work a little harder than that to get me going. 'Sides, you had your chance. Several, actually. So really, this is your fault." He went back to licking your pussy, his tongue delving into your folds. 

You brought your fingers to your mouth and licked them, rubbing them over your clit, moaning as he ate you out. He pushed your hand away and replaced it with his own. He started to rub your clit faster, making your hips buck up. "Mm. Good girl."

"Ah! Ohh, fuck!" Your orgasm hit you hard, making you moan loudly. "Ken! Ahh, fuck!" You tried to push him away, but he kept going, licking and sucking at your wetness until you couldn't take it anymore. "I can't! Fuck, I ca- hah!"

He finally stopped and sat back on his heels, wiping his mouth with his hand. "There. Now. How do you feel about fucking me now?"

You laughed at him. "Fuck off."

"Aww, come on, baby. You know you wanna." He leaned forward and kissed your lips, his tongue dipping into your mouth. "Let's finish filling up the dishwasher together, hm?" He helped you up and pulled your shirt over your head, leaving you completely naked.

"I can't believe you," you said, laughing. "You really did that."

"Hey, you said no sex. I was just taking it a step further by removing all of your clothes so you couldn't even pretend you were gonna have sex with me. In this household, nudity is not frowned upon. In fact, I may tell our friends that if they come over, they have to take their clothes off. You'd like that, huh? I see the way you look at Mikey and Baji. Kazutora sometimes. And Chifuyu. And Mitsuya."

"OK! Jesus. Yeah, your friends are hot. But I'm in love with you, you caveman."

"I know. But it's okay. They don't mind that you're in love with me, either. So don't worry about it. You can fuck any of them if you want."

"I ... wh-what? I don't want to fuck them. I just like lookin' at them. Jesus. Way to give me up so fast! Wait, have they - have they said anything about wanting to fuck me? No no no. Don't answer that. Let's just do the dishes so you can fuck me."

He laughed and grabbed you by the arm, pulling you toward the kitchen. "Fine. Come on, then. Let's fill up the dishwasher and get you back into bed for round 2."

"Oh god, please don't call it that."

"What? What else would you call it? Fucking?"

"Yes, that's it."

"Oh, right. The fucking. Got it." He walked over to the dishwasher and grabbed the spot rinse. "Here. Fill it up. I'll watch." He leaned against the counter, his arms folded across his chest.

You sighed. "Fine." You picked up the bottle and filled it up, not spilling a drop. "You're ruining my fun by watching me so closely."

"Nah. You're just being a little brat again." He stepped closer to you and pressed his erection against your back. "And you know what happens to brats, right?"

"Yeah, they get punished."

"That's right, baby. That's exactly right." He spun you around and kissed you, his lips pressing against yours hungrily. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard right here on the counter, you’ll never do the dishes again without thinking about my cock."

You giggled and shook your head at him. "You're such a horny fuck, Ken. I love it." You started to push his boxers down his hips.

He pulled them down and stepped out of them, his cock hard and ready for you. "That's my girl. You ready for me?"

"Mhm." You lifted your leg up and wrapped it around his waist, pulling him closer. "Fuck me, Ken. Fuck me right here."

He thrust his cock into you, making you gasp in surprise. "There it is. That's what I love hearing from you." He fucked you hard and fast, his hips snapping against yours as he pounded into you. "Ahh, fuck. You feel so good. You feel so fucking good."

"Ohh, Ken! Ah! Fuck! Oh my god! Hah!!!" You cried out, scooting closer and closer to him off of the counter.

"Yeah? Fuckin' feels so good yeah? Fuck I love it when you're loud!" He began thrusting even harder into you.

"No! There's a fork stabbing me in the ass, get me off of here!" you yelled, trying to get away from the sharp metal object.

He laughed too hard at that and picked you up, carrying you to the bedroom. "There you go, baby."

You sighed in relief. "Thank you." He climbed onto the bed with you and pulled you on top of him. "Now I want you to ride me. Ride my cock." He held your hips and helped you move up and down on him. "Fuck, you're so hot like this. Yeah, just like that."

You moaned as you rode him, your hips rocking back and forth as you took him deeper. "Ken, you're so fucking good." You leaned forward and kissed him, your tongue sliding into his mouth. He kissed you back, his tongue rubbing against yours.

He started to thrust up into you, matching your rhythm. "That's it, baby. I love forking you." He smirked.

"What the fuck did you just say? I'm done. This was not meant to happen today." You climbed off of him and went to the bathroom to clean up.

"Babe, I'm sor-" he couldn't talk he was laughing so hard. "I'm sorry! Come here. C'mere."

"No. You know what? No. Go fork yourself, Ryuuguji. Don't speak to me for the rest of the day." You chuckled.

You don't know what you did to deserve this beautiful man in your life. But you thank the God's everyday that he loves you back.

Taglist ::: @kazutora-kurokawa @darkstarlight82 @viburnt @arlerts-angel @katkitkats @honeycloudz @lesyeuxde-amour

To the people I never tag, I only tagged you because you <3'd my silly little post. I won't tag you in anything else (unless you specifically request to be so. Thanks!)

[cjonesjr]

♡ tell me you're not hurting [unfinished]

Summary: You knew the Ghoul for a good while, getting close enough to him to where he revealed his past as the once-famous actor Cooper Howard and involvement and eventual blacklist with Vault-tec. He never let it show- but you knew he was hurting. You just wanted him to admit it.

Warnings: 18+, angst and fluff

Pairing: The Ghoul x GN!reader

Notes: Just a short drabble. THIS IS UNFINISHED. This was sitting in my drafts and I dont feel like finishing it but didnt want to leave it there. Hope you still enjoy it though!

"Cooper, be honest with me please" You begged as he walked ahead at a brisk pace, fast enough to silently say that he was upset but not to completely lose you. To match his pace, you hurriedly caught up to him and begun to match his stride.

"I ain't gotta tell you shit, I already told ya more than anyone else in these wastelands. Now you best change the subject before I find nice old Deathclaw cave for you to sleep in" Every threat he made was never serious, but his tone wasn't to be messed with either. You knew so much about his life, his rise to fame and his fall, and the day the bombs dropped. You were originally from Shady Sands which was a town started up by a vault before it got bombed, losing eveything you knew and loved. It was after where you had found him, lost and confused in the ruthless wasteland where a part of him took pity on you. He would never admit it but you knew he grew fond of you.

"Cooper, you always have this tough bravado act but I know you more than you know yourself" At that, the ghoul spun around and angrily shortened the distance betwern you both, standing right up in your face and leaning down, causing your heart to skip as you stared right back.

"It's not a fuckin' act, you wanna live out here? You gotta do shit you don't wanna do to survive. Now I know you ain't claiming to know more about me than myself. Shut your fuckin' mouth and let's go, we need to get to the next town before nightfall. I ain't gonna tell you again Smoothskin" Now that pissed you off. He only called you Smoothskin if he was genuinely frustrated with you. Taking a deep breath, you watched as he turned around and resumed his fast walk, even faster now. Growling, you snatched his wrist and pulled him close.

"Tell me you're not hurting. Tell me you're not hurting right fucking now and I won't bring it up again. Tell me you don't wake up every day and hate yourself for what you did in the old world, for what you became, for what became of the world. Tell me you're ok living as a ghoul being a bounty hunter in this fucked up world living everyday as something you hate. Tell me you don't need me to not be lonely anymore. Tell me to fuck off and never see you again" Silence echoed in the empty desert with the only sound being your heavy breathing. All your internal thoughts all out in the open now as neither of you spoke, a pleading look on your face as you wanted him to be honest and admit that he was hurting inside. That he needed you more than he let on. The silence was deafening before he spoke.

"Fine, you wanna know the truth? I do hate myself. I hate myself a fuckin' lot. Every time I see anything related to Vault-tec I'm reminded of the bullshit that I helped them with. Being their spokesperson and when I didn't wanna do it anymore- motherfuckers blacklisted me and my wife left me. But I've had a good long two hundred years to think about what I've done. Yeah I'm not happy with myself, but the past is in the past and I know for sure I'm not gonna linger over something I can't change. There. You happy now?" He didn't tear up, he didn't sound any more pissed off than he normally does, there was no hint to signal that he was actually broken inside. But when you turn into a ghoul left to wander the wastelands for as long as him, you learn to shove your feelings down and keep going.

But Cooper Howard was an important person back in the old world, he was a famous actor, he had everything. Then he lost everything. All because he stood up for what's right to him and then the bombs dropped. You grew up in the Wastelands in the town that resmebled what the old world was like, but it was miniscule in comparison, so you had no idea what it was like back then, only from what you heard from him and him alone. You'd like to believe he considered you a friend, he told you a lot, but not everything. This was the most vulnerable he ever gotten with you after constant pushing.

"You may not be able to change the past Coop, but you can stop acting like you're this big man who needs to keep his feelings all inside. I'm here for you, for everything. You know that. Being honest with yourself for once will actually help you. Please, I care about you" Staring at him with pleading eyes, you grabbed his hand and pulled him close and into a hug. He stayed silent and he was tense for a good ten seconds or so, you thought he wouldn't hug you back. Just as you were going to pull away, you felt his arms wrap around yours, rather awkwardly, but it made your heart warm. He probably hasn't been hugged since he was a human, that had to of hurt.

"Now you don't gonna tell anyone 'bout this, ya hear? Or you'll have to pay"

[beardedjoel]

closer | part twenty

joel x f!reader. non-apocalypse au.

series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3  

chapter summary: joel wants to repair things, and you aren't so sure if you want them to be fixed. if you've learned anything about joel, though, it's that he's very persistent. 11.7k words. chapter warnings: 18+ MDNI, age difference (joel is 42 and reader is 25), more angst!, mutual masturbation, phone sex, joel is out here TRYING his hardest a/n: this chapter is super long, i'm sorry if it feels a bit of a mess i just had a lot of ground to cover, and if i'm honest i was really nervous about this after the last chapter hoping i could live up to everyone's expectations and desires for this next part! i really hope everyone enjoys it, there's a lot to unpack here!!! as always comments and reblogs are so appreciated, i love you all!

Everything fuckin’ hurts. 

Those are Joel’s first thoughts as he wakes the next morning. Emotionally, physically, all of it. Sleeping on a couch at his age wasn’t doing him any favors, so he tries to stretch out all the kinks and soreness riddling his body now when he sits up.

He glances at your bedroom door, still tightly shut from last night. and wonders if you’ll ever emerge this morning, or just try to wait it out until he leaves. 

Joel lost count of the amount of times throughout this mostly sleepless night on your couch that he did the same thing, glancing at your door and itching to get up and go open it. Just wanting to comfort you, to talk to you, to say everything that was on his mind. He doesn’t even know if it would even be fair to you to try after what he’d done last night, not even including the shit he pulled this past month. In fact, he feels like he doesn't know much of anything these days.

This last month had been the absolute worst of his entire life. Worse than when Betty had left him, worse than when they’d had their relationship ending fight and she told Joel he ruined her life in as many words. He had nobody to blame but himself in this situation, where with Betty at the least she’d had her own hangups that led to where they’d fallen apart.

He thought he’d learned from it, from the horrible way things had ended with Betty. He’d learned to encourage any girl he’d be lucky enough to have in the future more, to never let them think they could be held back by someone like him. He’d thought he was doing that for Betty before, but by not wanting to leave Austin, not leave everything he’d built there, he was suddenly her villain after years of resentment, and it hurt even now to think of someone he’d cared for so deeply looking at him that way.

Betty had shattered him, through and through, he knew that, and now you were paying the price. Now you were looking at him that way, and it was worse than he could have imagined.

Joel runs a hand over his tired face, ruminating on everything that had led him right here, to sleeping on your couch instead of happily in your bed with his arms wrapped around you. He didn’t know if what he was doing was the right thing, it sure as hell hadn’t felt like it. But how could he let you resent him someday, just like the woman he’d thought loved him before had? He feared that now everything he’d worked to avoid was coming true anyways, that there wasn’t a chance in hell you could ever forgive him.

He felt like he should stand by what he did, breaking things off with you. That was what he should do - for your sake, and for his. Things still hurt now, but if you were ever going to be able to live the life you deserved, he still wondered if he needed to stay out of it for that to happen.

Maybe. Maybe not. He went back and forth countless times a day ever since he’d left your apartment that night before he was too exhausted to think anymore, then crashing into bed and finding that sleep didn’t come easily to him most nights.

He had to do something, some kind of olive branch. It felt pathetic, but all he could think of right now was to bring you coffee and a breakfast sandwich, the one thing you’d said always cured yours and Sofia’s hangovers. If last night was any indication, you seemed like you’d be needing it. Joel quietly creeps over to the side table next to your front door, where you’d haphazardly tossed your purse last night and digs through it, grabbing the keys to your apartment before heading out.

Google told him there was a place relatively close by, only three blocks away that had both of the things he was looking for. With a black coffee for him, an iced vanilla latte and breakfast sandwich for you, he headed back, practically sweating with how much he was rushing to get back before you woke up. If you woke up and saw him gone… his heart sank at the extra pain that might cause you to think he’d just left this morning without even bothering to talk at all.

Joel breathed a sigh of relief when your bedroom door was still closed as he passed into the entryway of your apartment. He set down your food and drink on the counter and perched himself on the edge of the couch, drinking his coffee and tapping his foot nervously. He’d decided somewhere between his walk to the coffee shop and back that it was time to lay it all out there for you, to try to fix some of this damage.

He was ready to do whatever it took to start fixing things, if it was possible. That horrible night, anger and fear had clouded his thoughts to a point where he wasn’t thinking straight, he just knew he needed to run away from what he feared. It turned out to be the biggest mistake he could have made, and he was miserable.

Even if you wouldn’t have him back (he expected that much), he could say his piece and offer apologies for all the stupid shit he’s done. When he hadn’t seen you it was easier, of course, to try and stay away, not say all the apologies he knew were necessary. But now that he was faced with you in the cold light of day, he knew that it was the right thing to do. 

When shortly after, he thinks he hears noise from inside your bedroom, he stiffens and tries to steel himself for whatever uncomfortable conversation could be coming. You crack your bedroom door open slightly, just enough to peer out and see that Joel is still here, sitting on your couch with a coffee in hand, a cup you recognize from your favorite nearby shop. 

Joel’s heart thumps hard in his chest as you emerge, having changed into a pair of pajamas and cleaned your face of all your smudged makeup, looking tense. You stand near your doorway, leaning back against the wall, folding your arms across your chest.

He clears his throat, willing his voice to come to him. “Mornin’,” he croaks out, voice still a bit hoarse from the early morning and not having spoken much for the day yet.

You purse your lips slightly, beginning to fiddle with your hands in front of you anxiously and looking in his direction, but not quite at him. 

“Er, good morning,” you say, your bottom lip going into your mouth as you chew relentlessly at it. “Look-” you start, but Joel starts speaking at the same time, creating an awkward interruption between the two of you.

“Got you some breakfast,” he says, gesturing to the counter. You turn around to see the latte and small bag housing the breakfast sandwich and your lips twitch slightly, but you will yourself not to smile. “Breakfast sandwich, the hangover cure, right?” Joel adds, and you huff a small chuckle before grabbing everything off the counter and sitting down at the kitchen table. This way, you can face Joel but not have to invade his personal space too much.

“Thanks,” you reply, digging into the treats Joel had brought you. “Really needed this. I drank too much last night… I don’t think I can do that again.”

Joel passes you a polite smile and understanding nod, his hands now in his lap, balled into fists. “Y-you were gonna say somethin’, but would it be okay if I speak first? You were right last night, we should talk,” he asks, and you perk up a little, peering at him skeptically.

“Oh, sure… okay,” you say, bracing yourself for whatever you might hear next. Some chastisement, some extra damage to inflict on you, most likely. Joel seems much calmer than last night, though, and it gives you hope this could be a much better conversation.

“I… I’m sorry. Last night was a mess,” Joel breathes. “Shouldn’t have come just to yell at ya. I wasn’t gonna, was gonna leave you be, figured it was just drunk calls or somethin’, to be honest. My worries got the best of me, thought maybe you were in trouble, like with Vince… I should've just called ya back like a normal person and avoided this whole fuckin’ mess. Should’ve… done a lot of things,” Joel breathes out, a pained expression on his face before he continues. “Like called you or messaged you in the last month for starters. I’m real sorry about that, hope you know. I know that just sayin’ it once doesn’t mean much, but I had to.” Joel’s eyes cast down about halfway through his speech, flicking back and forth from the floor to your face, trying to read any kind of reaction or emotion from you.

You sit, stunned with a piece of the breakfast sandwich still in your mouth. You have to force yourself to chew, bringing yourself back to reality as you process what Joel is saying.

“Thank… you for saying all of that,” you start, taking a long pause to try to get your head on straight. It’s too fucking early to be having this talk, but you know you need to power through it. “I know I should have just left it alone too, but you can’t blame me for wanting some kind of answers or closure from you, right? After what you did? Why in my drunkest state I resorted to spamming you like a crazy person?”

“I know… I know…” Joel says quietly before putting his head in his hands for a moment. “Not crazy at all, don’t say that. I understand, and I -” he takes a deep breath, having a hard time putting his feelings into words.

“I should have called. The next day. That night, even. You don’t know how close I was, wasn’t like I walked out and felt all peachy, forgettin’ you existed or somethin’.” Joel thinks quickly about how he’d lose count if he thought about all the times he almost called you, had a message ready to type just to not know what to say in the end. 

You stiffen at his irritation, and Joel’s eyes flash to you, noticing the change. “Sorry… shouldn’t be gettin’ so defensive like that. I’m just angry with myself,” he says.

Your brows pinch together a bit, having not considered that as a possibility for some reason. “You are?” you ask as soon as the thought pops into your mind.

Joel’s eyes widen, not believing that you’d believe he couldn’t possibly be angry with himself in this situation. “‘Course I am, sweetheart,” he says softly, before catching himself. “Sorry, again, Jesus, I’m screwin’ this up, callin’ you those names and stuff. I’ll stop that, promise,” Joel rambles on, swallowing hard before he continues. “I’m very angry with myself. Least I could’ve done was given you a call, but I was feelin’ hurt, and I let that stop me from thinkin’ about how you were feelin’.”

“Yeah, you did, Joel,” you say plainly, taking another bite of your breakfast and trying to keep your face neutral. The last thing you want right now is to show him how badly it broke you, how badly it’s still breaking you right this minute to have him sitting in your apartment after a month of nothing from him. You want him to see that you won’t just immediately fold under him again, that you want to have time if you two could possibly repair any of this. You’re suddenly glad that last night didn’t go the way your drunk self had wanted it to - you’d have slept with Joel in a heartbeat then and would have been in a much worse position this morning.

“Just wanna own that, y’know. That I fucked up there,” he says with a nod, more to himself. “And lots of places.”

“Well. Thank you for doing that.” You know your tone is cold, but you’re afraid to not put some distance between the two of you right now, afraid of what thoughts could come spilling out from your mind if you let your guard down. His face is scrunched up in an emotion you hardly ever got a chance to see on him, his eyes bloodshot and beard overgrown. Now that you see him in the light of day, he kind of looks like hell, if you’re honest. You feel a twinge of pity, and while you’re not usually one to ignore that kind of thing towards someone you care about, for your own self preservation right now, you do.

“Not to assume, or anything, but I’m sure it hurt you. Just ‘cause I was hurt, shouldn’t have hurt you too. I wanted so bad to avoid all my shit from the past, and yet I’m in the same situation… seein’ the way you’re lookin’ at me right now.” He breathes out a long sigh, full of hurt that he hurt you. “I’m real proud of you for everything with the job, and I regret not bein’ able to say that.”

Well shit, now you are going to pity him a little bit. Just a little, you think, that’s all.

You aren’t able to contain the small, reserved smile that pulls at your lips when you hear his words. You’d never doubted that Joel could be sorry for the way things had ended up, but hearing him say so much, be so vulnerable with you, it’s a big start. He’d completely shut down that night in a way you’d never seen him do before, and slowly but surely, he’s opening back up for you.

“Thanks, Joel. I really… appreciate that. I know this has been… well, fucking awful. I know I have my part in this too, but I hope you understand now that my decisions were mine, and not yours to make. I was trying… to keep us together because that’s what I wanted.”

Joel nods quickly, his head bobbing, shaking his already sleep riddled hair everywhere. “‘Course,” he says. “I was afraid if I didn’t do what I did that it would end up bad, and well, it did anyway. Don’t know what I was thinkin’... truth is I wasn’t… thinkin’, that is.” He lets out an exasperated chuckle, one where you know the situation isn’t funny at all, but he doesn’t know what else to do.

“I know, Joel. I get it, what you were trying to do…” you say absentmindedly, eyes drifting off to a spot just past him. You’re quickly running out of steam, feeling the emotions starting to overwhelm you, taking you back to that night when he’d left you. “It just really fucking hurts, the way you went about it,” you add on, quieter now.

“I know, honey, I know. Can’t believe how much I’ve hurt you, how bad I messed up.” Joel puts his head in his hands again, leaving it there and shaking it into his palms. You heard his voice waver on the last words, and you know he’s embarrassed, trying to hide himself from you. Joel thinks over and over that he doesn’t deserve any of it, any of your time, any of the comfort you might give him if you see he’s emotional.

You stand up, the chair scraping across the hardwood floor, piquing Joel’s attention but he still doesn’t lift his head from where it sits, hanging low into his hands. You take a deep breath, worrying you’re about to make the wrong decision, but fuck it, you can’t stop caring about this man no matter how hard you try.

“Joel…” you say quietly, approaching where he sits on the couch. He lifts his head slightly and shakes it.

“N-no, shouldn’t be comforting me,” he blurts out. You ignore him and sit stiffly next to him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“You’re allowed this, Joel. I am really fucking mad at you, but you still deserve that. Let’s hug, okay? I think we both need it.“ you swallow, feeling unsure of yourself, but proud that you’re trying to set some boundaries. “After that, I think you should head home,” you add on, feeling almost pained to say it, wishing you two could sit here for hours and rebuild what you had, but you know it’ll take more than that. Most of all, it’ll just take what time does best - healing.

Joel lifts his head and turns it to the left, looking into your eyes. His are rimmed red and bloodshot as ever, all the anger you’d seen in them last night completely faded into a hopeless despondency. Despite how completely wretched with regret he looks right now, you can’t help but continue to notice how damn handsome he is. You give him a weak smile that he returns immediately. You stand, urging him up to stand with you by tugging at his hand, and he wraps his arms around you tightly, the urgency in his touch scaring you for a moment that you could fall into its trap. You’re stronger than that right now, you know. You pull yourself close and return the hug, getting a quick breath in of his scent and essence, trying to burn it into your memory before you even realize you’re doing it.

You don’t know where things will go from here, now that it feels like so much is out on the table. Joel has shown you a side you’d never expected to see after he decided to end things that night, and it’s pulled at your heartstrings more than you’d care to admit. As much as you want to just curl yourself into his arms and pick up where you left off, you want to give yourself more respect than that, feeling like you can finally be a bit stronger than the spell Joel has always had you in.

Maybe this is what he always wanted from you - this full independence from him, not taking him too seriously in your life. But why does it make you so sad now that you’ve gotten it?

“Thank you,” Joel murmurs before pulling away. “For listenin’ and not screamin’ me out the door.”

“You know I’m not the screaming type,” you quip back, before realizing the possible double entendre in the words. “I mean… when talking… when… shit, sorry,” you say, trying to laugh it off, and Joel lets out a warm chuckle, the first real laughter shared between the two of you in ages. It feels so fucking good, so natural, but you push the thought away as quickly as it came into your mind.

“I got you, don’t worry,” Joel says reassuringly, squeezing your shoulder before stepping further away, making his way to your front door.

He turns back towards you, and you can see him bite his lip, hesitation written all over his face. “Don’t expect you to forgive me or anythin’ right now, but could I - could I call you sometime, maybe? Or text? Or somethin’?” he asks, and you can’t mask the way your eyebrows lift in surprise, and the way you almost immediately answer “yes”, to him. The desperation in his voice and sad brown eyes pulled at you, your heart tightening inside your chest.

“I don’t know, actually. Can I… think about it? Maybe text you first if I decide it’s okay?” you say, trying to appear more confident than you actually feel right now. You can feel yourself folding quickly, and need Joel to get out of your apartment now, or five minutes ago, if you’re being honest with yourself.

Joel nods, turning his lips down in an expression of consideration. “Sure, ‘course, whatever you need,” he replies, and you breathe a sigh of relief that he’s willing to agree to it.

“Thanks,” you say, giving him another tight smile. He dips his head respectfully before reaching for the doorknob.

“See ya,” he says, and you echo his words back, staring at the door with wide eyes long after he’s left. This is too remnant of the night he’d walked out and left you staring at the door, so you force yourself to move and be productive for the day, getting some cleaning done and rewarding yourself with a hot shower and plenty of couch time afterwards.

You have so much to think about now, and while you feel relieved that Joel had been able to start clearing the air between you two today, you feel uneasy, completely at war with yourself. The part of you that wanted him back in your life, wanted to make up for every bit of lost time was fighting hard with the part of you that felt too hurt to even consider letting him near you again. 

Ultimately, you knew which side you’d choose, and half hated yourself for it.

It didn’t take long for you to decide to take Joel up on his offer of rebuilding contact between the two of you. Later that week, after spending sleepless nights toiling over it, you pull out your phone and type out a message to him while you sit on your couch, shamelessly eating cheese right off the block one evening after work. A situation like this called for comfort food in any way you could get it.

You: Hey there… I think maybe I wouldn’t mind a text here and there from you if that’s still what you want.

There it was: simple, not too eager, only inviting in sporadic contact from him, instead of a full blown tidal wave of Joel. Not even ten minutes later your phone buzzes next to you, and you find your heart jump in your throat, and curse yourself quickly for such an emotional reaction. You’re supposed to be playing it cool, here.

Joel: Thank you, promise I won’t spam you. Hope you’re havin a good night.

Joel’s message didn’t invite anything in return, it was simple and sweet, just a well wish for you. But you could help the itching feeling in your fingers as they hovered over the screen, wondering if you should say anything back. You feel a small swell of pride when you decide against it, half tempted to tell Joel your pathetic little eating situation just to get a laugh out of him. You’re not supposed to care if he thinks you’re funny anymore, anyways.

Over the coming days and weeks, you go about your life, feeling like the tiny door in your heart cracks open a little more each time Joel texts you. They’re usually just sweet little messages - nice wishes for your day or a thinking of you. Each time, you craft a delicate response to keep that stupid heart door from opening wide and letting you get sucked in again. 

Joel: Hope work has been good today, know it can stress you out.

You: Thank you 😊 you too!

—

Joel: Saw your parents today, can’t believe they’re still being nice to me. They seem to be doing well and Benny seemed happy to see me too

You: They’re too nice for their own good! Benny loves you though, he was so obsessed when he stayed over your place

—

Joel: Don’t forget to eat today… I remember you said there was lots of deadlines this week and you tend to do that sometimes

You: Ugh you got me on that one. Totally was about to skip lunch… promise I’ll eat something.

Joel: You better

—

Joel: Hope you had a great week, you deserve it 🙂

You: Thank you Joel. Hope you’ve been doing okay too

Joel: I’m tryin that’s for sure

The messages carried on much like that, one every few days, until they didn’t. You both started to get a bit more detail into messages after almost two weeks of just those small interactions between you two, and you found you didn’t really mind much at all. 

Joel: Started a new season of Lover’s Paradise and I still don’t understand half of what these folks are saying or doing. Need a young people translator or something. This mean I’m really getting old?

You bite back a laugh at his message, kind of loving that he’s still watching Lover’s Paradise even if you two aren’t together.

You: Tell me which episode and I’ll help you out old man

Joel: Ouch… hitting me where it hurts. 

You: Just can’t help myself 😂 you need my young eyes and ears on this one

Joel: Damn right I do. Alright, season eight. No rush, but also I’m totally lost so

You spend the next hour watching the first episode of season eight, not having seen this season before. You wished that Joel was right here next to you so you two could get back into the familiar banter you’d find yourselves in when watching the show. Instead, you text him a rundown of the major drama and encounters you figured he’d have asked you about if he were right here next to you. When you finish, you find that you haven’t stopped smiling nearly the entire hour you two live-texted the show together, and force yourself to frown.

You’re supposed to still be mad at him, right?

—

Joel: Weird question… but do you have my blue Astros shirt?

You: It’s possible… 

You: Oh yeah I just found it actually, I think you left it here.

Joel: Or a known shirt thief stole it like some of my other clothes

You: Who are you calling a thief? Couldn’t be me?

Joel: Judging by the amount of my shirts that mysteriously went missing after I met you, I’d say the finger points itself

You: You have no proof!

You laugh again, and realize that shit, you think you just might be flirting with Joel again. You’re not sure if you should reign it in or let things just flow naturally the way they have been. You’re being reminded how much you love talking to him and how sweet and funny he can be with you. When he responds with a photo of you, sleeping in his bed, sprawled out with the covers kicked off, clad only in one of his Miller Contracting t-shirts and panties, you gasp.

Joel: Got some proof right here.

Joel: Couldn’t bring myself to delete it, I can if you want.

You: Literally gasped… can’t believe you took that.

You: And no, you keep it. But now I’m wondering how many more of those you have.

Joel: My camera roll did seem to fill up once my shirts started going missing. Weird coincidence

You: 😠 you’re dead, Miller

Joel: Like to see you try.

Your face hurts from smiling so long from reading and rereading the messages that you consider locking your phone away for the rest of the night.

—

You wake up one morning to a text from him one morning, time stamped at 12:43am and your eyes widen. 

Joel: I'm thinking of you

Joel: Sorry if that’s me manipulating or something, read about all kinds of stuff online, but fuck I can’t stop thinking of you right now. Need you to know I miss you.

There was so much to unpack there that you spent the entire morning at work completely distracted by it. The most obvious thing, the elephant in the room, was the time. That late and you had to wonder if there was a specific reason he was thinking of you, and your thighs clamped together slightly at the thought of it. Shit, you missed his body so much, all the things he could do for you and to you. Not to mention the moments after, when you’d get your best talking done, just lay and gab to each other for ages sometimes, until one of you fell asleep. It had been so blissful, but you remind yourself those days are in the past.

You kept reading the message over and over, and the thing that stuck out the most was his comments about what he had been researching online. It almost made you laugh, how dad-like that was to be Googling and reading up on manipulation in relationships, or whatever the hell he’d gotten up to. On the other hand, it warmed your heart, showed he was trying to learn about himself, about his own baggage that had led to the way things ended with you two.

You’ve spent hours poring over the words, trying to decide how you should respond, or if you should at all. It was about to open a can of worms you weren’t sure you were ready for. And yet… you seemed unable to help yourself right now. 

Fuck, I can’t stop thinking of you. 

The words practically swim in front of your eyes while you try to get work done on your computer, taunting you and causing you to feel an ache between your legs that hasn’t made an appearance in quite a while. Maybe it was the loneliness, the missing Joel that influenced you right now, but you sigh, taking a deep breath before picking up your phone. 

You: Thinking what about me?

Before you can debate it anymore, you press send, and your hands shake slightly as you toss your phone on your desk, not even wanting to know what the response will be due to your embarrassment. Did that seem too desperate? He was the one practically saying he was touching himself to the thought of you at 1:00 in the morning, so you decide to cut yourself some slack. 

You wait impatiently, and thirty minutes later Joel’s response comes through and you feel your throat tighten when you read it. 

Joel: Think you can guess…

You: Can I call you tonight?

Joel: Anytime

Now that it’s out in the universe, you have no room for regretting taking this step. You couldn’t help but feel for Joel these last few weeks when you saw how hard he was trying. Everything you’d talked about that last morning you saw him had cut deeper and deeper the more you thought about it. Sure, he messed up so badly that you were still angry about it, and he had more than his share of making up to do for it. But you missed the man you’d been with, and now this version of him was slightly tainted from the nearly perfect seeming boyfriend you’d found yourself with before. But you were finding that this tainted version of Joel wasn’t too bad, after all. 

When it came down to it, Joel was scared. He was afraid of your love being too much, of being someone that wasn’t worth your time, love, and energy in the end. How could he think differently when the last time he had all of that, it blew up in his face? You’d known about it from passing mentions and a few times he shared some details of that breakup, but now that you saw the effects of that past relationship, you felt sorry for him. All you had wanted was to show him how much he could mean to you, and it had backfired for the both of you. 

You think you’d always want Joel. Even if you hadn’t been texting these last few weeks, even if he’d never shown up at your apartment that night when you called him over and over, you’d still want him. You’d still… love him. And it made you angry that you couldn’t stop it, couldn’t un-feel it even with how much he’d hurt you. 

But he was learning. He was on Google, looking up how to be better in a relationship, for Christ’s sake. Sure, it wasn’t therapy, but he was trying things in his own Joel way, and it made your heart wrench so hard in your chest it went right down to your stomach, making you feel sick half the time.

So yes, you wanted to hear his voice tonight. And as for anything that happened after he picked up your call…that was your own decisions to grapple with later.

Joel sits eagerly at home, the promise of hearing your voice on the other end of his phone tonight almost too much for him to bear. 

He was trying to be restrained, trying to keep his messages short but cordial to you, just to let you know he still cared, trying to make up for things without suffocating you. But last night he hadn’t been able to help himself when he woke up from dreaming about you with a hard on that was practically painful from the minute he’d opened his eyes. As he was palming the front of his briefs, tracing the outline of himself in his hands, he’d reached for his phone and sent you the first message. 

“Fuck,” he whimpered quietly to himself as his hand snaked into his briefs and wrapped it around his throbbing cock. He missed the way your soft hands felt around it so much, the way you’d giggle for him and moan and scream his name. It was all too much, the dream he’d just had about you had been too real. 

Images of you riding him flashed through his mind as he began moving his hand up and down, collecting the precum leaking out of his tip and spreading it along his shaft. He felt like some dirty old man thinking of you, his significantly younger ex, and getting off on it while you lay sleeping at home and unaware of all of it. But he didn’t stop, couldn’t stop the flashes of you that kept invading his thoughts while he built up a steady pleasure in his core. 

Your perfect ass passed through his thoughts next, memories of it bouncing pleasantly as he slammed his cock into you and left you in pieces, whimpering and crying out for him. Oh fuck, his hand was nothing like that perfect, tight pussy of yours, so lacking in comparison. Joel’s breathing quickened as he got close on every thought of you he could muster up before he groaned out, spilling warm ropes of cum into his fist and laying back to catch his breathing.

Fuck, he shouldn’t have done that. He’d been actively avoiding jerking off to you out of some private respect he was trying to give you, that it would somehow be crossing a line if he allowed himself pleasure at the thought of you after hurting you so badly.

After he washed his hands, cleaned up and got back into bed, he sent you the second message of the night, remembering all of the random relationship articles he’d been reading. It started last week, when he stumbled upon some relationship forum talking about control and age gaps in relationships and it had made his heart sink when he realized he actually really was part of the problem, despite how aware he’d thought he was being. 

So here he was, trying to be mindful that that first message may have been too suggestive, trying too hard to get you back on his side by manipulating you in some way. He had to find some balance - he couldn’t think every single message he sent to you was some kind of tactic, but he did need to be mindful of giving you the space you seemed to want. Every reply you’d sent to him at first had been short and to the point, still friendly but trying not to get too close again, so he wanted to maintain that energy until, or if, you ever felt ready to go further. And lately, it had seemed like you were giving more and more of yourself in the conversations, sometimes texting him back throughout the entire day.

When you responded to his late night horned up messages while Joel was at work the next day, he nearly jumped out of his skin. He was starting to worry that he’d surely screwed up this new rhythm you two had found together, steadily building up a semblance of a friendship again, and had half expected you not to even respond.

Instead you’d taken his text and ran with it, your response only having one meaning behind it as far as he was concerned. Joel found himself tentatively excited when you’d even asked to call him tonight, wondering exactly what this would mean for you two. 

He could barely focus the entire evening, sitting around trying to distract himself. It was fully possible you wouldn’t call, after all, maybe you’d decide against it, and rightfully so, he thinks with a twinge of sadness. He couldn’t expect that you were ready for that just yet. His phone rings around 8:00 and Joel half jumps up off the couch, scrambling to answer it with fumbling fingers.

“Hello?” he says, his voice rough as he clears his throat.

“Um. Hi,” your little voice comes through his speaker, sounding somewhat shy. Christ was it music to his ears, though, hearing just those two sounds from you.

“Hey,” Joel replies, “Wh-what’s goin’ on?”

“Nothing. I just… we haven’t talked in a while.”

“We talk pretty often, it seems,” Joel replies carefully. Not nearly often enough for him, but he’s been taking what he can get, what he feels is appropriate right now.

“I guess. Just thought I should hear your voice,” you say back, your voice slightly raspy with that end of the day tone that Joel has always adored.

Joel chuckles a little bit. “That so? Well it’s nice to hear yours.”

“You too…” you reply, trailing off into a somewhat awkward silence. “What’re you doing?”

“Watchin’ TV. Waitin’ for you to call, mostly,” Joel replies nonchalantly, having no shame in admitting just how eagerly he’d been awaiting you.

“Really? I hope I didn’t keep you waiting. I wasn’t sure if I was gonna… I went back and forth.”

“No no, s’okay. Wanted you to call only if you wanted to do it. Don’t get me wrong, glad you did, but if you’re not sure about all of it, s’okay.”

“I don’t know, I’m just nervous. I don’t want to get hurt,” you reply, unsure of how to explain the myriad of fucked up feelings that have been plaguing you recently. You’d let Joel back in just enough to feel deeply for him once again, and felt like you were risking everything for it. You didn’t think you could survive going through what he put you through another time, so you wanted to be sure this time that he’d stick around.

“I know, s’the last thing I want, too,” Joel says, musing on your words. “Hope you trust it’s just a phone call, nothin’ more. We’re just talkin’, no pressure. Can hang up whenever you want, in fact, and I won’t be offended,” Joel says, and you can hear that he’s nervous, that he wants to say all the right things to you so badly. “Well, maybe a little bit offended but don’t worry ‘bout that,” he adds with a light hearted chuckle. 

You laugh a little, Joel’s reassuring words right now easing some of your tension. “Thanks. Just a phone call, then.”

Joel nods, giving an “mhm” into the phone for you. “So, what have you been doin’? Besides waitin’ to call me,” he asks with a playful hint in his tone.

You lay on your bed, fiddling with your hands anxiously as you crush your phone in between your shoulder and cheek. “Nothing really… just at home after work, made some dinner, the usual stuff. I…er-” you say, unsure really of what you expected from this phone call, but it wasn’t this. The way you keep trailing off suggests to Joel, being no stranger to you, that you have more to say.

“What is it, huh? You seem like you gotta say somethin’.”

“Okay, fine. Your texts… last night.”

Joel freezes up a little, feeling a slight wave of shame washing over him for what he’d done. That maybe you’d instantly realized the exact context of the messages - it wasn’t like it wasn’t obvious if you had half a brain. 

“Right. Sorry ‘bout that. Was just one of those nights, y’know? Really shouldn’t’ve made things weird like that.”

“Yeah no, it’s okay, I uh, didn’t mind it.”

“Oh,” Joel says quietly, the realization fully hitting him now. The beginnings of an excited smirk pull on his face. “Did you like knowin’ I was thinkin’ of you?”

“I- I think I did,” you say simply, your voice seeming to unintentionally go down an octave. “I liked it. I mean I think of you too, seems only natural.”

Joel feels relief and too many other emotions to even begin to name at your response. His heartbeat quickens with the possibilities before you two right now, and if they’re heading in the direction he thinks it might, he worries he’s in trouble now. Once he starts down that road again, how could he ever go back?

“Why so late, huh? When you thought about me?” you ask him, silently cursing yourself for being unable to help the words coming out of your mouth right now. You know what this is leading to, but you’re not entirely thinking with your head at the moment. 

“Couldn’t sleep. Woke up, actually, from a dream.” Joel wants to divulge everything, all the dirty little details of what you two had been doing in his sleep, but he wants to make sure you feel in control of the conversation more than he is, that this is really what you want. 

“About me?” you ask, your eyebrows raising. 

“‘Course it was, why else would I text ya,” Joel says with a chuckle.

“I dream about you too… it always feels good but kind of sad, too. Like you’re right there with me, and it’s amazing, and then...” You’re finding it easy to be so open with the phone between you two - you don’t know that you’d have the guts to say any of this to Joel’s face if he were here. 

“Oh, honey… I’m sorry,” Joel replies sympathetically, his voice softer. 

“I shouldn’t even wish you were here when that happens, but I do, you know.”

“I do too, it’s okay,” Joel says quietly, a soft confidence in his words.

“Joel…”

“Hmm?”

“Will you tell me about your dream?”

“Honey… you really want to do this? You know this is different from the way we’ve been talkin’ lately.” Joel licks his hips nervously before pulling them into his mouth, awaiting your response. 

“Yes…” you breathe out quietly. “I do.”

“You’re sure?” Joel asks, desperately hoping you two aren’t making a mistake right now. You’re not sure if you’re sure, you’re not sure of a damn thing right now other than the fact that you miss Joel fucking Miller. 

“Yes, please Joel, I need you right now, haven’t stopped thinking all day about it,” you tell him, and you hear a sharp hiss through Joel’s teeth over your phone speaker.

That was all Joel needed to hear to fold completely, the fact that you needed him in any way felt like a miracle. Fuck, it got his cock hard immediately just to hear those words from you. 

“Okay, baby, let’s start out nice and slow, then.” He shifts his weight on the couch, sitting back and relaxing into the cushions. You don’t answer, simply waiting for his next words with baited breath. “Tell me what you’re wearing,” Joel says, his breathing already ramping up into the receiver. 

“Okay, corny ass,” you tease, and he scoffs. 

“We don’t have to do this y’know, if you’re gonna be too busy bustin’ my balls,” Joel replies.

“N-n-no, sorry, sorry,” you say, trying to contain your laughter. How did it suddenly get to the point where you feel silly and almost self conscious doing any of this type of stuff with Joel?

“Now, tell me what you’ve got on, so I can picture ya,” Joel says, trying again. 

“Okay. It’s those purple silky PJ shorts, you know the ones… and a little white t shirt with flowers on it.”

“How little we talkin’?” Joel asks, his curiosity piqued. He knows exactly which shorts you’re describing, he’s seen them many times and absolutely dies to see the way they hug your sweet, perfect ass. But the shirt is a mystery to him, never having seen that one before. 

“Very. Think you’d like it, like everything you can see through it.”

Joel’s groan fills your ear through the phone and your breath bitches as you feel the space between your thighs begin a full ache at hearing the sound from him.

“Sounds so sexy, baby, can picture it now.”

“W-what about you? I want to picture you too.”

“I’m sitting on the couch, uh, got no shirt on and just my house shorts,” he says, and you smirk a little, knowing which bottoms he’s referring to. You would tease him often about how well you could see the outline of his dick in them, but you’d never minded the view one bit. 

“Hot,” you tease, wiggling your eyebrows even though Joel can’t see them.

“Wish I could take all of it off of ya,” Joel says. 

“Trying to get me naked, Miller?”

“I sure as hell would be, if I was there.”

You smile, clutching the phone tightly and licking your lips in anticipation. You don’t feel completely confident about any of this, but you’re following your stupid, fucked up gut right now and this is the road it’s leading you down. 

“So… your dream,” you remind him.

“Uh, alright. I mean, it was real nice. Came up to me and sat on my lap, kissin’ my neck. Felt so good like you always do, baby. Fuck, when you started grinding on me…” Joel trails off, lost between the real life memories and his recent dream. 

“Mhm, always feels so good,” you murmur out, already getting quickly absorbed in his words. “Love doing that.” You let a little smile onto your face as you think of it. 

“Then… well, we…” 

“Joel, when have you ever been shy about this stuff?” you interrupt his stuttering. 

“Dunno, since I’m not sure where things stand, I guess. Just don’t want to go too far.” He slides a hand across his chin through his beard nervously. 

“It’s okay, I want to hear it…. wanna hear you say what you did to me,” you tell him. 

Joel seems to get a sudden resolve, and you can practically hear it hardening over the phone as he decides to go as fully in on this as you seem to want him to. 

“‘Alright then… I fuckin’ tore your little dress off of you, had you flipped onto the couch and fucked you so hard, baby, just like I know you like. Fuckin’ that little pussy until you were cryin’ out f‘me.”

You let out a small gasp at his words, practically being able to feel the sensation he’s talking about, his cock so deep inside of you at an angle like that. “Fuck…” you breathe out quietly, feeling your thighs clamping together. 

“You came so loud for me in the dream, missed hearin’ that sound. Missed everythin’ about ya,” Joel muses. “Wish I could show you right now.”

“You wish you were here with me?” you ask. 

“‘Course I do,” Joel says plainly, like he’s wished for it every single moment of every day since you two have been apart. 

“W-what would you do to me first? I wanna pretend you’re here,” you ask hesitantly. 

“What to do with such a beautiful girl…” Joel says with a little sly chuckle. “First I’d wanna give your perfect tits some attention, baby. Can you do that for me? Play with your tits for me?”

“Mhm,” you moan quietly as you cup one of your breasts through your shirt, thumbing at your already hardened nipple through the fabric. A quiet sound escapes you and you arch your hips a little into the sensation. 

“Good, I can hear ya enjoying that, sounds so good, sweetheart.”

“Touch yourself too, Joel,” you say hastily, your breathing already starting to get more erratic with want. 

“I will, don’t you worry. Right now’s about you,” he says, trying to hold back some of the eagerness in his voice. This is all like a dream right now, the way you’re responding to him and willing to do this. 

You continue touching your chest, squirming with delight and desire and waiting for what Joel has in store for you next, whining out impatiently. 

“You gettin’ wet right now, hm? Why don’t you just check for me, lemme know what you feel,” Joel says.

You slide your hand into your shorts, gasping slightly at the touch in your oversensitive, aroused state. When your fingers swipe through your slit to your entrance, you’re practically dripping out already, the anticipation all day from Joel’s texts having done you in completely. 

“Fuck, I’m so wet, Joel, I need… I need…” you gasp out as your fingers rub against your needy clit. 

“Tell me, c’mon, angel, you can tell me,” Joel coos, urging you on. 

“Need your cock,” you whimper, picturing the girthy length of him you’d gotten to shatter your world so many times.

“I know, I know,” Joel says soothingly. He wishes he could run his hand over your hair right now, smooth it down and make you feel better in so many ways. “Gonna have to pretend for now. Go on and use your fingers on yourself.”

“O-okay,” you breathe out, starting to move your fingers, rubbing them slowly in circles around your clit. You exhale with a little moan, thinking about how long needed this has been for you. The times you’ve felt up for touching yourself recently it often left you feeling a little sad after, hating yourself for how much you missed Joel’s touch. But this… this was already miles better.

“Feels so good, Joel, yeah,” you say quietly, losing yourself in the pleasure.

“Yeah? Bet it does, baby. Put your fingers inside, lemme know how that is. Wanna hear everything.”

“Oh,” you moan out as you plunge two of your fingers inside, pumping them a few times to get them as deep as they’ll go before retreating them and repeating it over and over. “Joel…”

“I’m right here, honey, keep on goin, doin’ so good,” Joel praises. “You got those fingers in there just the way you like ‘em?” 

“I- I do, God, Joel, I miss your fucking fingers, I c-can’t do what they do.”

“I know, baby. My big fingers fill you up so good don’t they?”

“Mhmmm,” you moan out, continuing to fuck yourself a little faster with your fingers. “Can I touch my clit now, too? Tell me,” you say airily, your pleasure steadily building from touching that spongy spot deep inside of you. 

“Do it, rub that little clit, probably aching so bad f’me right now.” Joel lets out a pained groan of his own when you start to moan louder. 

“F-fuck, can’t wait any longer, gotta touch myself too,” he adds, to which you give an encouraging little whimper for him. He pulls his cock out from his shorts where it’s been throbbing, aching, and dripping for you. He gathers the bit of precum leaking out of his head and rubs it along his shaft, letting out a small hiss. Hearing the sounds you’re making, even over the phone, has him practically going feral with need, and he can’t wait another second to start finding some relief.

“Please. Wanna come together, Joel.”

“Okay, we’ll make it happen. Keep touchin’ that pretty pussy for me, don’t stop,” Joel says urgently, and as he lets out a small whimper, you can only assume means he’s starting stroking himself with the same urgent energy.

“I’m s-so close already, thinking of you,” you say, fingers moving faster as you keep your phone balanced on your shoulder while you bring your other hand down to rub your clit rapidly, your climax building up quickly in your core, swirling warm and tingly deep inside of you. 

“Me too, so fuckin’ close, could make me come in a second flat with those pretty little noises you make,” Joel says huskily, and you think you can hear the sloppy sounds of flesh slapping on flesh from his end of the phone. It makes things even hotter for you, only intensifies your pleasure that he’s so undone for you right now. 

“Fuck, I- I’m coming Joel,” you manage to stutter out before your clench around your fingers, your cunt pulling them in tight where they’re brushing against your g-spot still as your other hand rapidly and desperately rubs your clit through the waves of your climax. This release feels so damn needed right now, it feels like it’s going on for ages in the best way, spark after spark skittering across your skin as your entire body arches up into your hands. You’re moaning loudly, barely hearing Joel’s nearly pained sounding grunts on the other end. 

“I’m comin’ too, baby, yes, f-fuck,” Joel groans out while you’re in the midst of crying out, and he comes hard into his hand, so much better than the high he’d had last night. Knowing you were right there on the other end, getting off on your memories of being with him was fucking Joel up hard. He slumps back on the couch, breathing heavily as you feel yourself start to come back down to reality. 

“Mmm,” you murmur quietly into the phone as your entire body relaxes onto your bed. “Needed that,” you say dazedly, half forgetting that what just happened was with Joel, someone you weren’t even certain you should be doing this with. 

“You did so perfect, honey, such a good girl,” Joel says lazily before you fall into silence, the both of you just breathing into the receiver for a few moments. You’re starting to feel a crushing guilt weigh on your chest now that you’re fully coming back down from the high that has been Joel, and you wince a little. 

“Shit, Joel… was this stupid of us?” you ask him suddenly into the silence.

“Probably, honestly,” he says with a chuckle, not seeming to realize the mini crisis you’re starting to have on the other end. “But if you feel okay, I feel okay.”

“I dunno what I feel, now. I- I - shit…” Your thoughts are swirling through your head, full of both regret and joy, the two living together and battling it out for which one will lead your next decision. 

“Take your time, s’okay. That was a lot. Made me feel a little unsure of myself, too,” Joel replies, clearly having sobered up at your tone.

“It did? You never feel that way… doing this stuff,”

“Different this time cause… well, I know I didn’t deserve it,” Joel says sullenly, and your eyebrows pinch together tighter as you consider his words. Joel isn’t one for self deprecating talk, typically, especially when it comes to intimacy. You’re feeling a little pull to comfort him, unsure if like he said, he deserves it. Shit, you’re a mess.

“N-no, it’s not that, I wouldn’t have called you if I wasn’t ready, but now I…” you stutter out, losing your words.

“Not so sure now, right?” Joel asks sympathetically, and you sigh, long and drawn out. 

“I just give in too easily to you, Joel. You hurt me so badly, and here I am, calling you like this, letting you call me baby and all that shit, fucking myself to your voice, when you didn’t talk to me… like none of it even mattered to you! I shouldn’t have done this, I shouldn’t have…” you shake your head, swiping a hand across your face and through your hair in frustration. Apparently tonight the regret is winning, you think irritatedly. 

“What do you need from me? Y’know I’m never gonna say I regret doin’ this tonight. But I know I have more makin’ up to do to you than one phone call, that’s for damn sure. Regret every minute I spent bein’ a stubborn asshole thinkin’ I was doin’ right by you if I just ignored it, let you move on.” Joel lets out a breath and clutches the phone against his ear, desperate to be closer to you. “J-just tell me how I can make it okay for you, honey. Y’know I’ll do anythin’… anythin’ at all if it means you’re okay. Don’t care what it means for me, just can’t stand hearin’ you hurtin’ anymore because of me.” Joel’s voice cracks throughout his speech, desperate words flying out of his mouth to try to comfort you. He’s always seemed like a problem solver to you, the one who immediately needs to get to work, to solve things right away, but you both know this isn’t one of those cases. 

Your breathing steadies a little, finding you’re calming down at his words. “Maybe let’s slow it down a little. This kind of freaked me out,” you say, “I can see you’re trying really hard Joel, I do see it, but is it for real, you know? Or is it just some way to ease your conscience?”

“My conscience’ll be wrecked no matter what, darlin’, so honestly that’s out of the question. Wrecked it for good the minute I walked out your door. All I want now is to do right by ya, whatever that means. Show I’m more than that one stupid fuckin’ night. I can do slow, if that’s what you need,” Joel says, and while you do believe it, your relationship never did anything remotely slow, you think nearly with a laugh.

“You’re more than that night, Joel, I’ve always known that,” you say, taking a pause for the words to sink in  “But slow, yeah, slow sounds good for right now.”

A few weeks later, you and Joel have reverted back to your texting relationship, with a few phone calls sprinkled in, and you’re not even sure what you’re doing anymore at this point. You’ve never felt more confused or conflicted about anything in your life. There’s a part of you that wonders if giving in and telling Joel you want to try things again would be sacrificing whatever self respect you have left. But he’s admitted more than anyone that it was a huge mistake, and has shown he regrets it time and time again. He’s been consistent, not pushing you right now to go further than you want, to give more than you can. It’s all very unlike Joel, who loved to be in control of your relationship before, of the way you two behaved together. From the start, he was always the one guiding you, teaching you about so many new, wonderful things. 

It had to be killing him, that he didn’t have that right now. That everything was on your terms. But he stayed patient and kind, responding to your messages always with the same energy, always open to going only as far as you wanted to take things on the phone together. 

He was trying so damn hard, and that made it so damn hard for you to resist what you knew was inevitably coming. 

You’re musing on all of this as you drive to your parents’ house one evening to have dinner with them. You haven’t spent nearly as much time with them as you normally would, but they’ve been understanding given everything you have going on. It doesn’t help that their next door neighbor was someone you’d tried to avoid seeing for a while, and even now that things are moving in a good direction, you don’t know if you can handle unexpected run-ins with him just yet. You need your decision to be final the next time you see Joel in person. 

Your parents have been kept as up to date on things as you’ve been comfortable sharing, and have been nice enough to come your way most of the time, or meet you out for dinner somewhere so you could actively avoid Joel. You knew they had a lot to say about it but they were holding their tongues for the most part. They had mostly expressed that while they didn’t love how hurt you’d been, they knew you were smart enough to make decisions on your relationship with Joel going forward. It was nice to hear they trusted your intuition, when you weren’t even sure you trusted it yourself right now. 

When you’re on your way to your car after visiting with your parents for a few hours, you steal a quick glance at Joel’s house, feeling the temptation to go knock on his door creep up. He doesn’t even know you’re so nearby, and you’d hoped he didn’t happen to notice your car parked outside. You realize how pathetic it is, how much you’re avoiding Joel right now, but you know deep inside yourself that the only reason you are is because you know the minute he’s in your eyesight, you’re going to lose all control. All your logical thoughts and wishes to build things slowly will go out the window, and you’ll end up back in his bed, wondering if it was the right choice. 

You hear someone call out your name as you’re walking to your car, lost in these thoughts, and you whirl around to see Tommy walking to his own truck, parked on the street outside of Joel’s house.

“Oh, hey, Tommy. It’s been a while,” you say genially. He opens his arms wide for a hug, and you find you don’t mind it at all, settling in between his arms for a quick, tight squeeze.

“Sure has, how you been?” Tommy asks you, with a slightly sad, knowing look in his eyes. You swallow hard, unsure of where to begin on that answer, but you find yourself wanting to answer simply.

“Honestly… I’m alright. Well, just okay,” you admit to him. 

Tommy nods understandingly, but before he can comment on the status of things between you and Joel, you butt in again.

“Hey, how’s… Maria, right? Are you two still seeing each other?” You’d remembered hearing about a few dates Tommy had gone on while you and Joel were still together, and the look on his face had told you just how smitted he was with the women. He lets out a little chuckle and his smile grows almost automatically at your question.”

“Yes ma’am, she’s good as ever. Thanks for rememberin’.” He shoots you a grateful look and you smile back.

“Listen -” he cuts in before you can switch topics again. Your face falls, his tone telling you this isn’t about to be pleasant to hear. 

“I know this ain’t your responsibility, necessarily. But it’s Joel’s birthday on Friday. We’re all takin’ him out after work, the usual spot, Murray’s, you know the one. I think it’d mean a lot if you came.”

Your eyes widen and you feel your breathing go a little unsteady. “I- I - don’t know about that. I haven’t seen him in…” You crinkle your brown, trying to think of how long ago that had been when Joel was sitting in your living room, pouring his heart out to you. It feels like a lifetime ago, now.

“Not one for beggin’, usually, but please think about it. I shouldn’t even say, but sweetheart, he’s miserable right now. You ain’t seen him the way I have. He’s practically sick over this, pouring over everything he says to ya, every memory, everything he could’ve changed. Can tell he’s in his head and he’s a fuckin’ mess.” Tommy’s eyes peer off past you in the distance while he shakes his head. “He told me some, not everything, and ya should be mad at my prick of a brother, but I know he’s tryin’.”

You let out an exasperated chuckle. “He is trying, I know. I see it, Tommy. Thank you for telling me all of that, it’s hard to see what he’s going through, exactly, I guess. Only showing me what he can over text, you know?”

“I know, he’s stubborn like that. Doesn’t want you to feel any pressure, he’s said that much. So unlike him,” Tommy muses with a little smile.  

“I’ll uh, I’ll think about Friday,” you tell him, deciding you owe it to both of them to at least consider the possibility of showing up for Joel’s birthday. 

Tommy lights up a little, a small smile curling his lips upwards. “Thank you, sweetie. Just even considerin’ it, big step in my book. Appreciate you hearin’ me out.”

“Of course, anything for my favorite Miller brother,” you tease, and Tommy gives you a little howl of laughter, his cheeks reddening.

“Never lettin’ that one get back to Joel if I know what’s good for me,” he replies, putting his hands on his hips. “I’ll let ya go, but see ya Friday… maybe?”

“See you, Tommy,” you say before turning and making your way back to your car. You sit with your lips twisted to the side, thinking over what Tommy had said for a few minutes before starting your car.

You had a few days to think on your decision, and truthfully, you had already gotten Joel a birthday gift. A few weeks ago, you’d seen the perfect thing for him and couldn’t resist buying it, and the fact that his birthday was coming just happened to be great timing. You didn’t have a plan on when you’d give it to him, but Tommy’s offer had given you a reason and a little push to maybe finally take that leap. You knew it would be important for Joel that you show up that night.

When Friday night rolls around, you’re a nervous wreck. You’ve had several days to think, and you’re still landing somewhere on the unsure side of things, and you start to think that maybe you never would be sure when it came to seeing Joel after so long apart. As if on autopilot, you grab your keys and get in your car, flying down the highway before you can even second guess yourself and turn around. 

Just keep driving, you assure yourself over and over. You can always decide along the way how you want to go about it, picture the hundreds of different ways this could go tonight, the thought of what you might say to Joel when you finally look him in the eyes.

You pull into the parking lot of Murray’s, the bar that Joel and his crew frequent after work, and find that no matter how hard you try, you can’t make yourself get out of the car. You watch the now darkening sky change past the bar, shrouding the exterior as the glow of the lights from inside spill out. You can’t see much through the bar’s windows, but you know he’s in there, hopefully having a great time. You worry at your lip with the opposite thought coming to mind - that Joel is sitting there waiting for you the entire night, hoping you’ll walk through the door. The thought nearly feels conceited, too self assured, so you push it away, willing that he’s having a nice time with his brother and friends. You just don’t think you can be a part of it.

You can’t just walk into a room full of people that know him, maybe even know who you are too, and try to settle things between you and Joel. It just doesn’t feel fair to either of you to make such an uncomfortable situation when he’s just trying to celebrate his birthday. You nod quickly to yourself as you make your decision, pulling the car out of the parking lot, but instead of making the turn to head back home, you go the opposite way, towards Joel’s house, once again doing it before you can think too hard about the decision.

You step out into the cooler, late September air once you park at Joel’s place, settling yourself on one of the wicker chairs Joel has on his front porch. You might be batshit crazy, waiting for him in the dark like this, but you don’t care anymore. You’re consumed by the thought of Joel coming home, finding you here waiting for him, kissing you until your lips are puffy and raw and in between your legs is aching for him. You can’t deny it any longer - you were meant to be with this man, and you’re ready, more than ready to start putting the past behind you. To try again. Even with the possibility of hurt looming again, you’ll risk it for him. You can only hope he still feels the same way.

The night stretches on, and you’re starting to wonder if this idea really is stupid, when headlights come down the street and a car stops in front of Joel’s house. Through the shadows cast by the streetlamps, you see Joel’s broad form exiting the car, and hear a faint goodbye from him as he shuts the door. You can’t gauge his mood from just his outline or the way he’s walking, and he doesn’t even seem to be that drunk if his steady gait is any indication.

You swallow hard, a nervous pit growing in your stomach as he walks up the driveway and onto the path that leads to his porch. His keys jangle while he searches for the right one for the front door, and you panic that he hasn’t noticed you sitting here yet. You shift a little in your seat, gearing up to speak to him, which gets his attention. He jerks his head in your direction, but freezes when he sees as much of you as he can through the dark, and you know he recognizes that it’s you from the look in his dark eyes.

You clear your throat, putting on your best smile for him.

“Hey stranger…” you say quietly. “Happy birthday.”

taglist: @paleidiot @mumma-moonchild @soph55 @chicville03 @joelsversion @feliciab1990 @fellinfromthetop @gossipgirl-03 @sarap-77 @blueseastorm @akah565​ @pattwtf @scarlettthefierce

sorry if ur tag doesn't work idk why tumblr is like thisssss

[skullcfusher]

Ok guys I tried 2 hold back but too bad I'm posting headcanons🙌

I am going to tell u about Kate and Toby cause I love them ok. They are soooo sibling guys plz they play fight like hell and argue like siblings and they do shit for each other like siblings ok I DON'T MAKE THE RULES (I did actually.)

So with the small stupid comic I posted yesterday if u can even call it that, I think Tim owns this truck right and it's a beat up 2 seater ok and Tim drives and Brian is the passenger princess and then Toby and Kate are the two freaks who have to sit in the actual truck bed and they are actually so funny back there. I think Toby is actually a smart guy he just doesn't show it well okay because look at him, and Kate didn't even finish middle school cause she was RLLY young when slender got to her and so she's just actually not the sharpest tool in the shed okay she's a creature and I like to think Toby teaches her stuff so like imagine they are in the truck bed ok "Kate.. Kate.. Kate dude.." "Toby shh.. shut tf up" "no Kate dude look.. look at that caterpillar it's really cool it's actual-" "I don't care about that Toby shut up" and he's like "Ohhh okay so god forbid I try to teach you smth." And she's like "Shut up before I push you out of the truck" and he's like "Omfg fine good maybe I'll die this time and you'll be stuck doing a mission with Tim and Brian ALONE you freak" and they just continue to bicker. Tim and Brian don't really like Kate they think she's a monster and don't like her cause in my mind she's the person who tormented them and brought them to Slender's doorstep basically and so they just rlly don't like her LMFAO and I don't blame them either but Kate doesn't really talk to people until Mr. Tobias comes around ok like she lives in those dirty ass mines and hasn't changed her clothes like ever ok so Toby shows up and is like damn bitch you live like this!?? And he immediately starts giving her stuff like clothes he can't fit anymore, maybe a mattress and lots of food and just random shit to do, he convinces her to come around to the proxy cabin more and more and smth I thought would be funny is if Tim and Brian come home from whatever and they just see Kate munchin on a sandwich like it's the best shit she's ever had in her life (it probably is) and Toby is just chillin with her and Tim and Brian are like "what the fuck get out?? Why is she here??" And Toby is like "Dude relaaaax she's not even doing anything" and Kate gives ZERO fucks LMFAO SHE'S LOVING THAT SANDWICH SOO MUCH SHE DOESN'T CARE WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HER LMFAO. Following proxy shenanigans I like to think Kate and Toby wrestle a lot, you can't put a boy who can't feel pain and a really strong girl next to each other and be best friends and them not fuckin duke it out ok I like to think Nina visits the cabin one day and she opens the door and sees Toby fly over the couch and watch Kate jump after him and they are Rollin around on the ground fighting and Nina is like freaking out "OH MY GOD R U GUYS OK IS THIS THE VIOLENT SLENDER SICKNESS Y'ALL TALK AB" and they stop and look at her like ??? Huh CAUSE TO THEM THEY ARE JUST PLAYIN (I don't blame Nina either like Toby's bleeding from his nose and Kate has a busted lip LMFAOA and they've got like scratches all over)

Ok so I wanna touch on angst cause it's not head cannons unless we're kinda sad actually so like Slender def punishes his proxies ok like when they do smth wrong like fuckin up a mission or like commiting friendly fire on another proxy, so when Kate gets punished I like to think Toby will sit with her and hold onto her while she's freaking out cause it's not just like ohh she's kinda sick no like her fingernails tore off from her tearing at the ground she's screaming until her vocal cords can't make anymore noise she's losing it and Toby sits with her like if she just needs smth to lean on, if she needs something to grab or even something to hurt he's holding onto her like she's gonna die like he already lost one sister ok he's not losing this one too LMFAO and then after it passes I like to think he bandages up her hands, similar to how Toby's mom used to bandage his hands after he chewed his skin off yk?? Ok that's all for this post perhaps goodnight fellas

[half-oz-eddie]

Billy constantly worried about losing it all. That everything would come crashing down. That he would be pushed out of his only safe space. He feared waking up one day to a sudden change, that everyone would hate him like they should have.

Because he's terrible

Horrible

A fuck up

An asshole

A douche

A monster

He wanted to enjoy the safety of Steve's arms, the moments shared with those who saw him as friends. He wanted to bask in it all, but he kept everything at arms length.

His heart would ache every single day, thinking it was all fleeting and everyday was the last day he could enjoy any of it.

So he hardly enjoyed any of it.

When he couldn't take it anymore, he finally opened up to Steve about it.

Steve immediately thought it was his fault. "Do I not love you enough?" "Am I not showing it in a way that proves it to you?"

Billy shook his head at every question and every harmful thing Steve said about himself and his ability to love him.

"You're perfect, actually, and that's the fuckin' problem. I don't...deserve perfect. None of this is right for me."

"Why not? Don't you want this?"

"More than anything. I never wanna go back to that dark place and I never wanna feel alone ever again. I just—I don't feel like I'm enough for anyone to stay."

"Why do you think anyone sticks with you, Billy?"

"I don't—I dunno." He painfully replied.

"Why do you think I stay with you?"

Billy shrugged. "Because we love each other? A lot?"

"Yeah," Steve firmly nodded. "You're damn right we do. I know you love me. You love me so much. You always show it, and I'd be a dick if I left you when you love me as much as you do."

"Then why do I always feel like this? I'm always so doubtful."

"Because you don't love you like I do. You resent yourself so much, you refuse to see your improvements. You still see yourself as the same Billy that I couldn't get along with." "I'm still that person."

"You'll always be Billy, but your heart is much different from what it used to be. Don't you feel that?"

He shrugged again. "Maybe. I dunno."

"Hey." Steve waited until Billy reluctantly met his eyes. "Do you trust me?'

Billy nodded. "Course I trust you. I wouldn't love you if I didn't."

"Then trust me when I say there are reasons to love you. And I'll tell you every single one when it's not 4:34 in the morning." Steve smiled, Kissing Billy's forehead as he grasped his hand.

"It's probably only like...10 reasons. You don't need that much time."

"Yeah?" Steve kissed his hand. "So you admit ther're at least 10 things to love about you?"

Billy growled and pushed Steve's head away as he laughed. "Shut up, shut up! You're such a smartass."

“I love you.” Steve kissed his hand once more. “Will you go back to bed now so I can love you even more when we wake up?”

“Fine.” He nuzzled into Steve’s neck, mumbling for him to “do the thing.”

Steve reached his hand to the crown of Billy’s head, running his fingers through his hair.

He smiled to himself, thinking about how much of a handful Billy was, but he wouldn’t want his hands full of anyone else.

[macsimagines]

sleep paralysis demon ran? halloweeny enough?

very spooky and yandere, but also hilarious because i just watched that brandon rodgers sleep demon video lmfao

TW: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, MINORS DNI, DEMONS, NON-CON TOUCHING, SOMONOPHILIA , Weird warning but the gif i used in this is scary so pls be aware

Yandere!Sleep Demon Ran Haitani

You're just the cutest, Ran has always thought so from the moment his eyes met yours. And he was terrifying. You always thought so ever since he started haunting you as a kid.

Ran learned very quickly that he needs to feed off of fear in order to live, and he picked up on the fact that children were the easiest to scare. And you were always so scared of him darling.

It was almost like when a boy bullies another girl in his class because he had a crush, except the boy was another worldly being that decided you were going too be his personal meal for the rest of your life.

As a little girl he'd always find ways to torture your paralyzed form from everything like pinching to pulling on your hair and sometimes when he was feeling more sadistic biting.

You tried to get help, told anyone that would listen but no one wanted to listen to you cry about the monster hiding in your closet anymore and so you were left to bear Ran's sadistic bullying alone.

Over the years he got better at it too. Jump scares weren't having the same effect anymore you got too used to it over the years, but that fine because he was smart enough to evolve his tactics.

He got very good at creeping out of corners you could just barely see out of the corner of your eyes. Knowing that he was there but being unable to fully make out what he was going to do to you.

Somehow Ran trained himself to be able to whisper at you from all angles making you confused about where his voice was coming from and where he was really hiding at. Sometimes the things he would say would vary from threats, to maniacal laughs to down right unhinged.

"Keep shaking, baby girl, you look so tasty~ Can't wait to take a fuckin' bite out of you~!" "HAHAHAHAHA! Lookit how scared you are? Don't even know what I'm gonna do or where I'm comin' from!?" "You're so fuckin' beautiful. You're all mine~"

Years go by and you're an adult who will never truly have a good nights sleep. It doesn't matter whether or not he's really there and if he's really messing with you. You're too paranoid to sleep more than four hours without worrying if he's going to show up.

He's learned not to push you too far, he can't have his favorite meal going off the deep end. He needs you around. So he'll leave you alone for weeks, just sitting where he knows you can see him, watching...smiling.

Ran delights in terrifying you, the way your eyes go wide and your body shakes, unable to do anything. The way your body breaths so hard and heavy desperate to make any sound for help but choked by his force to keep your fucking mouth shut. He enjoys all of that but truthfully...

Ran loves to watch you sleep. Your delicate features when your relaxed, how soft your body is when you feel safe instead of rigid when you think you're in danger. Your lips slightly parted just enough for him to kiss...

It's unimaginable to a creature like him, but he does find himself wanting to be...affectionate to you. So he lets himself touch you gently, allows himself the privledge of being soft.

And this terrifies you even more... Your fear is so delectable when he's just looking down at you, hands rubbing your arms to soothe the aches he knows you have from working all day, brush the hair away from your face so he can take good looooong look at how cute you are...

Why are you so scared? He isn't trying to be scary right now? He wants to be nice to you. To be good to you... But you're just staring wide eyed and crying even.

"I just wanna touch, just be good and let me touch." he whispers gently, like you'd even have a choice or say in the matter. He wonders if he could have an actual conversation what you might say...

But its the curse of his people, human interaction beyond feeding is forbidden and his biology makes it so you naturally paralyze at the sight of him. Isn't that a shame...

"I just want to feel," he whispers to you crawling onto your bed to really get a good look at you, "Just want to know," he continues running his hand down your sides, you really are so warm, "How soft you really are."

[bibibudin666]

hi!! could i please request prompt # 11 with joel miller? thank youuuu :)

Joel Miller x afab!f!reader

Warnings: spit, degradation, cursing, p in v, unprotected, rough. Joel refers to reader with f!pronouns. Calls her “good girl” etc.

Absolutely!! This is my first prompt I've written, I'm so excited eee~

Thank you for requesting, I hope this satisfies your needs! And for the others who have requested I appreciate your patience. Don't worry I'm working on them just please continue to be patient with me.

Thank you to all of those that have requested and if you would like to request check out my prompt list HERE

As always this is 18+ so minors please DO NOT INTERACT!!

This can be read for the video game or show Joel Miller

I love daddy Joel, enjoy~

“Just can’t keep that damn mouth shut now can you?” Joel grunts.

You mewl at his words, his pace was unrelenting. He had you pinned to the nearest wall, a wall you were surprised was still standing. The cracks and holes from the years of abandonment still held together. And the way Joel was fucking you right now couldn’t help it from not falling apart anymore than it already was. 

He was brutal, you had been teasing him all day and he was sick of it. You two were on a regular patrol today, nothing too serious, just regular rounds and fighting off the few infected in the area. But you couldn’t help yourself.

Joel had just looked too good today and maybe you had an extremely vivid dream of him fucking you dumb earlier this morning. So you decided to do what you do best, tease the older man. And oh how it worked so well.

Now Joel has had his fair share of dealing with your neediness, so when you were more clingy than usual he just wrote it off as another day. Tending to it slightly with more lingering touches when he would help you climb up some broken debris or the way he would grab your face to kiss you after you two had close encounters with infected. 

As nice as it was to feel his touch more often, especially the sweet kisses you two shared, you couldn’t lie when you’d tell yourself that you wanted so much more. See Joel may be a grumpy old man yet he knew how to love. But, he knew how to fuck even better. And you were going to do everything in your power to get him to fuck you today, either on patrol or off. 

This is why you’re in the certain predicament you’re in now. His strong arms hold your frame tight as his hips snap into yours. His face buried in the crook of your neck, groaning at the feeling of you wrapped so warmly around his cock. 

You couldn’t stop your moans, the way he kept hitting that one sweet spot had you going wild. You two were alone in an abandoned apartment building, clearing out the infected that you had come across. But Joel knew the ins and outs of the post-apocalyptic world, infected were scattered all over, especially clickers. So the volume in which your moans were at needed to be quieted down immediately. 

Not to say Joel didn’t love the way you called out his name, dumb on his cock as he fucked you raw. But at this specific moment he needed you to do one thing, in which you were doing the complete opposite.

“What did I say about keeping your mouth shut Darling? We’re still outside the base.” He gave you a particularly harsh thrust which caused an even higher pitched moan to leave your lips. 

His hand came up to grab at your jaw, craning your head so you can meet his eyes. He looked bothered, you couldn’t help yourself. How could you help yourself? He was fucking you so good. 

“How ‘bout I make you shut that damn mouth?” 

You whimpered at his words, “S-so sorry Sir-!” 

He squished your cheeks, your lips pursuing as he cut off your words. A smirk adorned his features as he thought about what he was about to do. 

“Open your mouth.” You obey his command, letting your tongue roll out of your mouth as you look up at him with doe eyes. He spits on your tongue, closing your mouth before it dribbles down, “Don’t you dare fuckin’ swallow it, keep that shit in your mouth.” 

The pads of his fingers came in contact with your clit and your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You could feel the familiar build up of your orgasm approaching. You wanted to say something but you didn’t want to disobey his command. Plus Joel knew you were close, he knew every inch and every tick your body had when it came to pleasing you. 

“Such a fuckin’ loud slut, m’glad I could shut that damn mouth.” He grunted. 

He was soon approaching his end, your walls squeezing around him so deliciously. As much as he berated you for being so loud, he was struggling to be quiet himself. His harsh pants against your cheek, your muffled moans with his spit in your mouth. The way his cock would hit your sweet spot and the pads of his rough calloused fingers circling your clit, it was all becoming too much. Before you knew it you were unraveling against him, convulsing at the pleasure and he wasn’t far behind. He spilled his seed into you and fucked it up your hole for a few more thrusts. 

When he was done he didn’t pull out, instead he held your chin. He looks into your eyes and you open up your mouth showing him his spit that was set on your tongue. Along with yours they were mixed together in the filthiest of ways. He grins wildly at you, giving you a slight nod. You swallow it all down and show him your tongue again. 

“Such a good girl.” He mumbles as he presses his lips into yours for a searing kiss. 

He slowly pulls himself out and you whine at the loss of his warmth, already missing him inside you. You were breathless and finally satisfied. The one thing you’ve been fantasizing about all day has finally been given to you. 

“I might have to start annoying you on patrol more often.” You lightly joke, still leaning against the cracked wall for support. 

“Darling if you do that again, spit won’t be the only thing I make you hold in your mouth.” His eyes darken as he spoke. 

As much of a nuisance you were, he wouldn’t mind upping the punishment a bit more the next time you acted up. 

~

[catierambles]

Alternate Instincts Ch.30

"I want to thank you all for comin' on short notice." Sy said as the pack gathered in the apartment. It wasn't all of them as not all them were able to make it, but he knew they would get filled in by the others. "I wanted to get this over and done with before Steph had the chance to Girl Boss me out of it."

"Markus." Stephanie sighed, rubbing at her eyebrow and he winked at her. Well, he tried to, at least. She was standing with Geralt, his arms loosely around her waist as she leaned back against his chest.

"It's come to my--our--attention that some of you gotta problem with Steph." Sy said, "Some of you don't believe she's actually our Mate, that we're only with her because of what she lets us do to her in the bedroom."

"Which is shockingly vanilla, oddly enough." Stephanie said, "Well, Pornstache has his moments." That made a chuckle go through the group.

"Don't distract me." Sy said, pointing a finger at her. "I know she ain't a wolf, it's pretty fuckin' obvious to everyone here that she ain't a wolf, but she's our Mate regardless. Yeah, I got stabbed. Yeah, Walker got his face cut. Steph's gotta Feral after her, ain't leavin' her alone and makin' a nuisance of'imself."

"Her ex boyfriend?" One of them asked.

"Y'all know who it is?" Sy asked and a few of them nodded. "Did Frank know about'im? That he was a Feral?" More nodding.

"He told us to stay out of it, not say anything to her."

"Son of a bitch." Walter sighed.

"Makes sense, actually." Stephanie said, "I'm not a wolf, so I wasn't a part of his pack, and with the shit he was pulling, he probably wanted to keep the Council as far away from his business as possible."

"Whatever, he ain't here anymore." Sy said, "If any of you gotta problem with Steph, you gotta problem with us. She's our Mate. So if you gotta problem with her, there's the door, don't let it hit you on the way out. I ain't gonna evict ya, but you will have to find a new pack." No one moved. "That's what I thought. Playground rules. If you ain't got anythin' nice to say, then keep your mouth shut. Understood?" They nodded again wordlessly. "Good."

"I want to know who." August said, "Walter, are they here?"

"August." Stephanie said.

"No, Stephanie, I want to know if those women who said that shit about you are in this room. Walter?"

"Drop it, Walker." Stephanie said.

"Stephanie--"

"No. You think this is the first damn time I've dealt with catty bitches who never got out of their Mean Girl phase? Not even fucking close. So I'm telling you to drop it, August." She said and they stared at each other for a long moment before he looked away.

"Consider it dropped."

"Thank you."

The rest of the impromptu pack meeting had went decently well and a couple of the members actually approached Stephanie by the end of it, apologizing for not telling her about Jordan. She had accepted the apology but ultimately brushed it away, saying she understood why they hadn’t. Frank had suffered no disobedience and if he had found out they had gotten themselves even remotely involved, it would not have gone well for them.

Geralt had made the comment that if Frank had done his due diligence and contacted the Council about Jordan, that they probably would have sent him out to take care of it, as he was the closest stationed. The result being that he, and eventually the others, would have met Stephanie long before they actually did. He did also let them know that he would be speaking with his contact with the Council, letting them know about Frank’s inaction, putting another black mark on his already pitch dark record.

Walter could hear Stephanie on the phone as he worked on the computer in the office, going over spreadsheets of pack finances and paperwork. They may only be taking what was needed, but they still had to keep track of yearly earnings for tax purposes, just like any other business. The IRS classified packs as “social clubs” connected to the Pack Council and therefore it’s members were exempt from federal income taxes, but the Council still took membership dues and fees like any other social club and paid them out to whoever was running the pack, in this case Sy along Walter as his proxy. It was added to their rent every month. The number of members had to be kept track of, non-wolves who were involved with wolves in the pack (like Stephanie) were considered non-members but still a part of the pack, so they also had to be recorded along with gross annual income.

Lot of boring bureaucratic nonsense that came with running a pack and it was giving him a headache.

“Will you fucking stop it already?!” That made him look away from the screen. “Stop talking about them like that! I am never and I fucking repeat never going to agree with you when it comes to wolves. Britt is amazing and she makes Jack happy. Why can’t that be enough for you?! Who cares that Jack is a wolf now?! He loves Britt and wanted to share that with her! What the fuck is your malfunction!?” A pause. “Well of course they’re not human, mom! They’re wolves! And who fucking cares?! If you ever wonder why you and I don’t talk, this is why! So no, I am never going to a meeting with you, stop forwarding me shit about the “truth about wolves” and if you ever call them monsters to my face I swear to god I will smack the shit out of you. The only “monsters” I see are the ignorant, brain-dead bigots you associate with who target families for their hate. Well guess what, mom? I’m fucking five wolves on the regular. Sometimes more than one at once! Choke on that and die, you toxic bitch!” He pushed up from the computer chair as she gave out a sound of frustration, leaving the computer room to see her sitting on the couch in the living room, her head in her hands.

“Steph?”

“I don’t know why I try.” She said, picking her head up, “I don’t know why I let her get to me. I mean, of course she can push my buttons. She’s the one who fucking installed them.”

“Why did you call her?”

“She called me.” She said, “I was going to let it go to voicemail, but I decided to answer it. Big fucking mistake.”

“Steph, there’s something I’ve been wanting to bring up with you.” Walter said, “Now that you’re...even again.”

“Okay?” She asked and he went over, sitting next to her on the couch. Reaching over, he took her hand in his own, tangling their fingers.

“When you had your...episode, you asked Geralt to infect you.” He said and she sighed, looking away from him with a nod.

“I knew he was probably going to tell you guys, but I was hoping you had forgotten.”

“Do you still want him to? Or any of us?” He asked but she shook her head.

“I don’t, Walter. I’m sorry.” She said, “I don’t know why I asked him to do that. I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t fair of me to ask that of him after I told you all I didn’t want to be a wolf, but at the time I...” She gave another sigh, “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to stop being a disappointment.”

“You never were.” He said, “And you never will be.”

“I guess it’s why he didn’t do it then and there, huh?” She asked, “Because he knew?”

“Can’t speak for him, but probably.” Walter said, “If it had been me you had asked that of, I wouldn’t’ve then either.”

“I know August wants me to be a wolf. He says it doesn’t bother him that I don’t, but I can tell it does. If I had asked him, it would have been done before I was even finished asking.” Stephanie said, “Sy is almost...protective of my humanity. Like it’s some precious commodity for him to keep safe. He would have flat out told me no. Mike, I don’t know, Mike just kind of goes with it. If I had asked him, I think he would have hesitated but if that’s what I wanted, then that’s what I wanted.” In his opinion, she was spot-on with her assessments.

“We will love you no matter what.” He said and pulled her towards him with an arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

“I know.” She said, “And I really do. No matter what my brain tells me sometimes. But I’m gonna need you all to stop being so damn perfect all the time. It’s doing nothing for my paranoia.”

“I’ll try.” Walter said with a snort, smiling against her hair.

[hunterbunter3000]

Hey hope you have I nice day, I LOVE you sweetheart series but I was just curious on what farah and valeria thoughts of sweetheart, do they also have a crush on her or do they see as an enemy(valeria), again hope you have a lovely day

Hello! Thank you, I hope you have a wonderful day as well! ❤️💓

And omg they don't hate her at all LMAO

I kinda dislike when girls hate each other over men. Even tho, yes, it can do good for the story and writers can do whatever tf they want, I like when they communicate their emotions on WHY they feel like that, instead of ruining a good friendship they have!

Farah and Sweetheart are actually really good friends! Even though Farah thinks that Sweetheart is weird as SHIT (I mean hell, who doesn't) and questions her thinking process everytime she sees Sweets, but she's a hell of a good fighter and has been there when other people weren't.

Farah values Sweetheart's kindness cause WHEW YK SHE NEEDS IT MY POOR BABY

Sweetheart tells her stories of her whacky adventures she has by herself and with her team constantly when she visits or when she calls like she's CALLING A NEIGHBOR LOL

Farah: Sweetheart? Why are you-- how are you calling me? Hang up, they can trace this!

Sweetheart, laughing: Don't worry, Don't worry! I'm using an old burner phone that isn't even on the market anymore. Now I need to tell you what happened at the base today.

Farah, speed walks to a secluded area: Oh girl shit, tell me what happened

YK THEY GOSSIP TO EACH OTHER ITS JUST A FACT

Sweetheart: AND THEN SHE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY "OH-- I never even finished it" SO IT PUSHED US BACK FOR LIKE A WEEK

Farah: NOOOOOO WHAT A BITCHASS MOVE

Sweetheart: RIGHT???

And omg I see Farah teaching Sweetheart how to cook her home food (have you noticed that I'm a foodie. Have you noticed I really like food) and Sweetheart bringing dishes she made at the base so Farah and her soldiers can try!

Farah, eating her mac and cheese: Sweetheart oh my God this is amazing!

Sweetheart: 🥹

Soldier: Are you taken yet?

Farah: BACK THE FUCK OFF AND EAT YOUR FOOD AND SHUT UP

Sweetheart: 😰

Istg Farah is like a damn cat, protecting Sweets from hands in MARRIAGE LOL

But Farah was quite confused about her team. Why do they all look at her like that? And she's not doing anything about it?? WOAH WATCH YOUR HAND SOAP--

Laswell had to explain it to her.

Farah, shocked: wait... so they ALL LIKE HER!?

Laswell: I would say it's 'love', but basically yeah

Farah, looking at Alex: So... All of them?

(Farah x Alex forever, Sweetheart can go suck a carrot)

(Y E S IM HATING ON MY OWN CREATION SHUT U P)

Farah was so heartbroken when she found out that Alex loved Sweetheart romantically. She honestly found that out herself when she saw Alex had a fond look in his eyes looking at Sweetheart

And Farah kinda-- just accepted it? Like she didn't want to interfere with the two, so it was like an Angelica and Eliza story (ANGST??1?1??11?) So she would just smile and ignore the pit she felt in her heart everytime she saw them together.

But one night Farah couldn't take it anymore and just ignored Sweetheart for like two whole days. Sweetheart ain't about that 😡 nah uh no ma'am

Sweetheart: Farah!

Sweetheart, grabbing Farah's arm: Farah please. What is going on with you?

Farah, not looking at Sweetheart: Nothing.

Sweetheart, not buying it: Farah come on- even a blind man would see that something is wrong. You can talk to me! We're friends--

Farah, breaking Sweets hold: Just... Leave me be, please.

Sweetheart, sad: Did I do something wrong? Please-

Farah: No, you didn't do anything wrong I just--

Sweetheart: Then what's going on--

Farah: I like Alex, okay!?

(It was silent)

(Farah didn't want to look at Sweetheart, but she saw her hands waving frantically. She looks up confused, now seeing Sweetheart smiling ear to ear and fanning her eyes)

Sweetheart, wheezing: You like Alex! Holy hell, I KNEEWWW IT- I knew it I knew it

Sweetheart, hands in her hair: ARGH I OWE LASWELL SO MUCH FUCKIN MONEY SHIT

Farah:

Farah: Pardon?

Sweetheart: GIRL PLEASE I knew you liked Alex a long time ago! I just-- didn't say anything cause I didn't want to pressure you.

Farah, relaxed: Ah... I see. You're not- You're not mad?

Sweetheart: Mad!? Why in the world would I be mad at you liking someone I know?

Farah: Well... I didn't want you to see it as me taking your..."friend." Also, I don't think he likes me back.

Sweetheart, grabbing Farah's cheeks: Farah, have you seen yourself? You're absolutely beautiful! Of course he would like you.

Oh.

Oh my.

Farah felt warm and tingling when Sweetheart said that. With honesty. With her smile. She meant it. "You're beautiful."

"Have you seen yourself? You're beautiful."

Her big, warm hands held Farah's cheeks softly, like too much pressure would break her.

(FARAH GOIN THRU IITTTT) (Farah bi-curious moment? AHAHAHAH)

Sweetheart told Farah that she would help her win Alex, so it's a GIRL POWER type friendship they got goin on and I love it

With Valeria... as I said in another ask, they're like freinemies (did I even spell that right) Sweetheart don't really like her cause she works for the cartel and drugs BUT SHE A BUSINESS WOMAN

Omg when they were interrogating Valeria, Sweetheart was SWEATING-- SHE WAS SCARED FOR HER LIFE (she had some... troubles with the cartel in the past)

But omg she was so nervous

Sweetheart: If you mitch-match blacks, YOU DIE

Alejandro: SWEETHEART

Sweetheart: WHAT!? MIXING BLACKS IS A CRIME IN ITSELF

(Valeria was fucking cackling in there)

Valeria, smirking: I don't think you'll get very far with this if she's with you

Sweetheart: I AM WALKING BACK AND FORTH

Valeria sees Sweets as entertainment, because she knows how nervous and hyper Sweets can get when she's around

Valeria teases the SHIT outta Sweetheart constantly (Val gonna give her a heart attack fr fr)

She questions Sweets actions alot tho

Valeria: ...How did you even get up there?

Sweetheart, holding onto a high pole to get away from Valeria:

Sweetheart: uh- out of fear

GIRL HOW YOU GONNA BE SCARED OF A WOMAN SHORTER THAN YOU COME ON

Valeria thinks it's impressive how she collects men like Pokémon

Valeria: You have my ex wrapped around your manicured finger.

Valeria, smirking: Good on you, pez globo.

Sweetheart:

Sweetheart: h u h

And Valeria popped the question to her

Valeria: Why are you afraid of me?

Sweetheart, getting nervous: I'm... sorry?

Valeria: I have seen you take down men like they're flies. I have seen you use many weapons like they're second nature. Yet you're afraid of me?

Sweetheart: I just--

(She looks away, unconsciously rubbing her right forearm with her hand. Her eyes dim, holding a dark story she obviously doesn't to say.)

Sweetheart: What you do... is dangerous. So obviously I'm-- I'm gonna be afraid of you.

Valeria:

Valeria: I see.

(Did I just give Sweetheart trauma- what the flying fuck why do I do this everytime with characters-- I WAS TRYING MY BEST NOT TO GIVE HER ANY UGH)