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kithtaehyung · 1 year

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busted (3tan) (m) | myg

title: busted pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f) , jungkook x reader(f) series: masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball | stay | sidewalk talk | friends | dalo | like that | anytime | sundress season | yoongi’s interlude | forfeit | flutter | video call rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , fluff , smut ; brother’s best friend au, implied age gap au summary: when things go a bit south at your house party, decisions between you and yoongi have to be made. note: well. here we are, y’all. it’s been quite a long time, but we are back to regularly scheduled programming :’)) thank you to everyone that has supported and encouraged me throughout this whole process – and series, for that matter. i couldn’t have done this without y’all and the next part is already in the works. also i cried a lot writing this lol have fun! note 2: happy birthday, hedgehog! and to colourless and nicki and whoever else had birthdays recently, consider this my gift to y’all! warnings: language, the amount of content itself fck i’m so sorry, parties, alcohol consumption, tense situations, shoving, abandonment mentions (parental), obligatory yoongi on the phone, ch*king, head/hair pulling, reader has a pain kink and it shows oops, angst, overthinking :((, penetrative s*x, chains but come on now, protective s*x, cowgirl, or*l (m/f rec), edg*ng a ha ha, thro*tf*cking, kissing :’))), kissing D:, did i say angst?, bro😵‍💫, but also bro😭, jungkook gets a warning too, yoongi’s jeans are as ripped as he is heyo, hitting from the b b back, yoongi king of consent sheesh, multiple org*sms, spitting lmfao, sl*t/wh*re mentions, yoongi jfc lol, the aftercare y’all i–😭, the ending🧍 drop date: june 9th, 2023, 7:17pm est word count: 18.8k gdi

Here goes nothing and everything.

It was fifteen years ago when you first met Jungkook. When the sidewalks in your neighborhood were fewer and the occupancy in your house was higher.

A tiny boy, he was immediately ready to stay by your side, despite the limited amount of time he got to hang around before his parents corralled his energy back inside their car.

Later on, he would tell you that had something to do with them not wanting him influenced by your brother and his group. But you didn’t know that at the time.

Ever since the two of you met, you became the best of friends. And as you grew older, it was only natural that feelings bloomed with everything else.

In the midst of an ever changing garden, you found something that never wavered, vibrant in color and immovable at its root.

Which was strange. You’d never compared people to flora before him.

But, because of Jungkook, you couldn’t help but see everyone as such—lilies, buttercups, the ones that trap to survive.

And he was the prettiest, strongest flower of them all.

There was rain. There were storms. But with them came hope, and a pair of cheap rings that the two of you bought nestled nicely in boxes, waiting to be unearthed when you were ready.

However.

What also came was a lesson. One that you would learn again when two of every seat remained unused in your household.

A lesson that people are more like seasons than flowers.

They change with or without you.

And they pass by.

“We can go somewhere quieter if you want,” Jungkook offers. And you know he’s going to suggest your room before he even utters the words.

But of course he adds a small, “If I’m allowed in there anymore.”

When he laughs, your smile is as slow as your head shake, a few memories of old tasting bittersweet on your tongue. “We can.”

“Okay.”

When you make your way to your room, you hear the thumps of music and rhythms of conversation—both casual and loud—echoing throughout the house. Some people are sharing laughs, others are scooting just a bit closer, and a lucky one is cackling before demanding that everyone hand over their money.

All of them oblivious to the fact that you’re about to rip off a piece of your heart.

Well. That may not be the case. But based on the conversation that you had with Jungkook before your interview, this wasn’t going to be an easy one in the slightest—not for him, nor for you.

But if he’s gonna keep pushing forward, this is a stop you need to put up regardless.

During a party isn’t what you had in mind, though. Much less one in your own house.

You don’t know if anyone sees you open your door for Jungkook to pass through, or if they notice the slump of your mood, but you figure no one will care anyways.

Until you see someone out of the corner of your peripheral.

And the skip of your heart tells you who it is.

Occupying one of the hallways a ways away, you can tell he’s very aware of you despite being in the middle of a chatty group.

But what’s on his mind? Is he worried? Is he gonna ask what this is about?

Damn it. You’re just gonna have to tell him later. You can’t exactly do anything now.

A voice peeps from behind your tense shoulders,

“You okay?”

Fuck.

Turning, you nod to the boy in your room before shutting your door, giving one more look to the man whose last text you couldn’t read.

And the way he stares makes you wanna bolt from everyone entirely.

When your door clicks shut, you slowly swivel, only the bass of your brother’s music pushing the walls in closer.

Jungkook’s doing exactly what you knew he’d do, wandering around your room and either leaning in to observe, or lightly touching things that he remembers.

The soft puff of a laugh snaps you into focus. “I can’t believe you still have all his medals up.”

Ah. He even remembers the way you have all your brother’s trophies and achievements displayed—all because you liked seeing them shine, and he didn’t want them in his room.

Sweeping your gaze along two of your walls, you let out a tiny sound of amusement while agreeing, “I can. Too lazy to take them down.”

“I can do it,” he immediately responds. “If you need me to.”

If it had been five years ago, you would’ve been enamored that he even offered.

But five years ago is when he shattered any hopes you had for the two of you, so you turn him down yet again. “It’s okay.”

“You sure?”

“We’re here to talk, not decorate, Jungkook.”

He stares before nodding in dejection, eyes finding something other than you. “It’s still weird to hear you say my name.”

It’s weird to say it.

But you can’t let him know you agree, so the sound you make is half-cautious and weakly lighthearted. “You think so?”

“Ah, yeah.” He flashes a smile that still squeezes air from your lungs. “I’d gotten too used to all the names you had for me.”

“Oh, god.”

“But I guess someone else gets to hear them now.”

Goddamn it. He’s not gonna give up, just like he said right before your interview.

“Who are you seeing?”

“Kook…”

“I wanna know.”

“Why?”

He walks over to your nightstand, picking up a picture of you and your friends from years back.

And your heart pangs at how big his back has become.

Without turning, Jungkook lifts his head to stare at your ceiling. And if he’s wondering whether the glow stars he stuck all over it are still there or not, you don’t know if you’d admit that you never took them down.

“So that I’d know if I still have a chance.”

“You already had yours,” you whisper. “Remember?”

And when you look up, he’s already staring at you with regret.

Memories start to come back, but you shove them away with force, trying to empty your sinking boat with a teaspoon.

Every time he had walked back from school with you, every time he would make you laugh when you felt alone, every time he stayed at your place when your brother had to be out—all of them competed with each other to punch you in the gut and push you to your knees.

“I do,” is all he says before softly placing the frame on your bed. “I fucked that up, didn’t I.”

The times he said he’d be there when you needed him, the times he said it was gonna be okay when you struggled with your seemingly deepest darkest secrets.

All the times you knew you’d have a long future with him.

“You did.”

Everything leading up to the time he said you should break up before you left for university.

Right before you were going to tell him you loved him.

Your heart hasn’t beat in awhile, but you don’t notice until Jungkook starts walking towards your planted feet. Was he really so far away? How did he cover the distance between so fast?

With a sigh occupying your chest, you muse that he looks so different, but also not different at all.

And just like the time you saw him downtown, your brain doesn’t know how to separate the Jungkook you knew from the one you see in front of you.

Because they are still the same.

You don’t budge as he stands resolute, inches away but encasing you in his familiar presence. When his hand comes up to your face, he almost touches—but the slight hesitation has you holding your breath before he surrenders his hand at his side.

“I was an idiot,” he admits, throat seemingly small and making yours the same size. “I never should’ve… I can’t believe I…”

You watch as he flips his head up, and you hate how you know exactly what he’s trying to hide.

But your soul still remembers the wound it was dealt. So while you don’t want him feeling this way, you’re perfectly okay to fight back.

He doesn’t get to cry when he’s the reason for all those tears.

“And yet you did,” you remind him, proud of how stable your voice leaves lips that used to seek his. “And you left me so fucking confused.”

“I know.”

“Do you really?”

He flickers regretful eyes your way, giving you all the room to talk.

And you’re going to.

“Do you actually know, Kook? How fucked up that made me feel right before going where I knew nobody. No one.”

His nostrils flare while eyebrows flinch.

You expel a tough breath, everything that happened before bubbling up to the surface. The nights you spent wondering what happened, the days you spent feeling unwanted, the times you felt so fucking alone.

“Is it true that you even loved me?”

“Yes,” he finally shatters, face contorting and eyes welling at their rims. “Of course I did.”

Did.

“I still do.”

Liar.

“I thought I was the only one.” You search his eyes, hating how you would comfort him in an instant if this were any other circumstance. Hating, hating, loathing that this is how you find out your love wasn’t unrequited. “Why did you push me away?”

“I didn’t—I didn’t mean to…” He turns, unable to handle the loud silence streaming from your bones. Voice shaken, he flounders, “I don’t know. I’ve—”

When he pauses, it’s to keep his lips from shaking. You just know it.

“I’ve regretted it every day since.”

“Bullshit.”

“I have!”

“Really. So all those texts you never sent were full of regret, too, huh?”

“No, I—”

“All those calls you never made.”

“I wanted to call!”

“You wanted nothing to do with me!”

“No! That’s not true—”

“Liar!”

He digs palms into the soaking divots of his face, tense at all angles and making you so, so angry that this is what the both of you have come to.

“I’m not lying!”

“You are!”

You thought it would feel better seeing him cry.

But it’s not, it’s not, it’s not. You hate this.

Because Jungkook made sure your tears were short-lived. Made sure to chase them away every single time—

There’s a rapid twist of your locked doorknob before you hear a shout,

“What the hell’s going on in there!”

Shit, your brother. Were you both yelling?

…Were you both that loud?

“We’re fine!” you shout back, embarrassed that your fight somehow managed to outperform the aux. “It’s okay.”

“Open the door.”

“No.”

“You better be serious—”

“Promise!” You look toward the shouts. “We’re okay.”

“…Okay.”

And then it’s completely silent.

But you know he hasn’t left.

Fuck, he can’t hear the rest of this. He shouldn’t have heard any of it in the first place, and you can feel the heat of his questions coming later tonight.

Which, you are fine answering when it’s just the two of you. But you cannot have anyone hovering right now so you go to open the door and tell him off,

“Dude, I said I’m—”

Oh, fuck.

Yoongi’s right there with him.

And your heart fucking lurches.

Fuck fuck fuck they both see your tears and you’re getting moved aside before you know it now there’s—

“The fuck are you doing making them cry?”

“Wait, it’s not like th—”

“You come into our house after years—”

“Stop!”

“And pull some shit like this?”

Alarmed, you squeeze yourself between him and a very wide-eyed Jungkook, having to wrestle an angry wrist off a captured bicep. “Seriously, relax!”

You and your brother have a thousand differences.

But one thing you two have in common?

He’s just as stubborn as you are.

A strong swipe moves you back so fast that your feet can’t keep up, and you find yourself stumbling until firm hands and familiar cologne keep you upright, voices springing up all at once.

“I’m not—”

“Hey—!”

“The fuck—”

“What’s wrong with you?” you question, commanding attention and snagging both your brother’s and Jungkook’s stares.

Barely even caring if they see where you are and who’s holding you.

Because this is all stupid. It’s not fucking high school and you aren’t some kid that needs their useless, shitty, good-for-nothing parents to stand up for them.

Resisting Yoongi’s grip until he lets go, you stalk up to rip your brother’s hand off your ex’s arm, voice darkened and sharp, “Get out.”

Breath hard, the reply you get is directed more at Jungkook than your own pinched brows,

“Why should I.”

“Cus it’s fine,” you shoot out, sparing a glance at Yoongi and regretting it immediately.

Because he’s not looking at you. He probably wasn’t ever looking at you.

No. Based on that look alone, he’s been eyeing Jungkook with an energy that sends chills straight through your veins.

It’s so unmoving, so infernal that your throat dries, forcing you to swallow before laying more reassurance on three pairs of tense shoulders. “It’s alright, okay? We’re just talking.”

“…So it’s like that?”

Jungkook immediately replies to your sibling with a monotone, “Of course it is.”

To which he moves forward again before you stop him with a hand and a shout,

“The fuck it isn’t—”

“It is! Fucking hell, dude...”

You force an exhale, hating how your room is overflowing while you’re still drowning in the conversation prior.

Because now one talk is gonna sprout into three, and you already dread what each one is going to look like when it develops.

You hope Jungkook understands that you’re done.

You hope your brother understands that you’re tired.

And, above all the others, you hope to any high power out there that Yoongi understands that you are anything but finished.

When the tension doesn’t budge, you sigh and shift your weight.

“Look. We’re just talking. But I need to speak to him alone.” You breathe with finality, eyeing your sibling and his ride or die—hating and loving how ready they are to do whatever they need to, together.

But they don’t have to do anything.

Except let you do this yourself.

“Please.”

After a moment, they both look over your shoulder before your brother watches your face again.

But Yoongi seems to have finally caught Jungkook’s attention, because his eyes haven’t broken their lock until you say something,

“Trust me.”

Two weighty seconds pass before both men nod. And they leave without a word, emotions toppling on each other as soon as your door shuts.

When you walk up to lock it shut, you stare at the knob in silence.

While that was massively uncalled for, it could’ve gone much worse. You can already think of over a hundred outcomes, because that’s a look you’ve seen on your brother many times.

However. That’s not what has you lost in thought.

What keeps you frozen is the fact that you have never seen Yoongi like that.

It almost scared you, but somehow comforts you all the same. You can still feel the way he subtly squeezed you in assurance, pressing you into him when you really didn’t fall that far. There’s a jittering in your chest that hasn’t simmered, and it makes you feel like you’re halfway floating back to where Jungkook stands.

But you’re promptly grounded when you rejoin him, voice soft when you ask if he’s okay.

“He hasn’t changed,” is all he whispers.

And you look at the door with a sigh of disappointment. “He has a little. Still uptight as ever, but. At least I can leave the house.”

“Yoongi was a surprise.”

Oxygen abandons your lungs before you quickly catch yourself. “They’re best friends.”

Jungkook glares at the floor in thought before exhaling, and his silence seems charged. Almost off.

“Right.”

…Well, what the hell is that supposed to mean?

Is it because he saw when Yoongi caught you? Or the fact that he showed up at all?

“Hey,” you whisper, hoping to rope him away from whatever scary things he could be pondering. When he flicks his attention to you, it takes a lot to not flinch at his watery eyes. “Ignore them. We aren’t finished here.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” he murmurs, and your conversation jumps right back to where it was. “For everything.”

“I know.” You close your eyes before sadness lowers your gaze. “But it’s gonna hurt for awhile.”

Even if you get this closure, it can’t cover all the years he made you doubt yourself. Made you feel like everything you went through was a lie and that love was something you just didn’t deserve. Confidence vaporized as a result, leaving nothing but issues and manufactured intimacy for years.

Maybe that’s why everyone said you were a bad lay before. Because you actually were.

Through your thick haze, you hear a faint, broken,

“You loved me?”

“I…” Don’t say it. Don’t tell him. “I still do.”

“What?”

Fuck.

It’s true. While he broke your heart first, he still cared for it more than anyone else after him had—until recently. The only grief he gave you was the breakup, which was why it threw you for an absolute loop.

As you grew up, though, you started to rationalize that the split was a good decision. He was moving, and you were leaving for college. How would you both have fared with the long distance? It probably would have ended one way or the other anyways.

So while the resentment burned your heart, it didn’t quite rid you of affection. What you feel as a result is similar to before, but so very, very different. Subdued. Faded. Like jeans you wore constantly but haven’t touched in years.

In all honesty, what broke you the hardest was losing a dear friend.

“I do,” you finally admit, not looking at him because of your next words, “But not the way you want me to.”

Jungkook doesn’t respond, letting the outside world bleed into the room like a bitter interlude.

When he still makes no sound, you lift weary eyes to check on him.

And your chest constricts at the way he looks utterly and totally lost.

When you call his name, his gaze doesn’t leave the floor. When you whisper it again, the tear that falls makes you weak. “Kook, what’s wrong?”

He finally looks up, and you feel your eyes quickly reflect his. “I was so stupid,” he sniffles, wiping his nose. “I really didn’t know. Honestly, I knew that was impossible.”

For some reason, this makes you chuckle, and a new mood starts to paint the walls. “Why?”

“Because you were so cool.” His smile hasn’t changed. And that’s what cuts the deepest. “And I was just there because I always was.”

“What?” You start to join him in bittersweet recollection, albeit from a different perspective. When you reach forward to point at his necklace—because you will not touch the ring—you softly laugh. “Then what were these for, silly?”

When he sighs, you can feel the cracks in his curve. “I’ve been told that I’m clueless.”

“You are,” you say with a sagging grin. “Extremely.”

He laughs again. So do you.

And the both of you break all at once.

He’s crushing you in a hug and you’re crying into his clothes, hands gripping at his jacket and shoulder feeling the weight of his world.

While he repeats that he’s sorry, you choke out that you are, too. When he says it was never your fault, you cry even harder.

You fucking hate this. Now that you know the truth, it hurts that much worse. You hate, hate, hate that this is what everything came to. Everything that you both went through, destroyed by one mistake at the bitter end.

But you need to move on. You need to sacrifice the past for the future.

“I still love you,” he whispers, and you tense when he tightens his arms. “And I’m still sorry.”

“You idiot,” you cry into his chest, and you hear him hold back a sob before burying his head again.

And the two of you stay like that. One last embrace that you both needed.

Reminiscing over everything that doesn’t matter anymore.

When you both calm, you feel like it’s been hours.

But you move to step away first, confused at the way he doesn’t let you leave.

What’s he doing? Why is his mouth hovering over yours? You need to move. You need to move away.

But all you can do is plead, “I can’t.”

Still, Jungkook moves in.

Leaning to kiss just next to your lips instead.

What once would have lit your soul on fire now feels like a tempered flame, the smallest light of a candle before it burns out. And you’re grateful that he respects you enough to not push in a time of weakness.

You move away again, and he lets you go this time. But not without last words, “Promise me this person is alright.”

“I promise.”

“Only alright? I have a chance then.”

“Kook.” When you give him an empty glare, dying stars still linger in his eyes. “Friends?”

His lips give away his breaking heart before he nods. “I’m not leaving you again.”

Swallowing, you spread a thankful smile. “You better not,” you sniffle. “I need to decorate.”

He huffs, giving you one more teary stare. “If they ever hurt you, let me know.”

“I’ll be okay.”

After a noncommittal nod, he stands until you politely tell him you need a minute. When he leaves, you wait until the door shuts before wiping nothing from your cheek.

Wondering why this closure doesn’t make you feel better in the slightest.

You don’t know how long it’s been. Time doesn’t exactly flow when you’re caught between the past and the present.

But when you open your door, Dom is watching you with pure, unadulterated focus.

And your face scrunches in pain before she ushers you back inside.

She doesn’t say anything as you sit on your bed, offering her shoulder even though she doesn’t prefer physical contact.

While you’re grateful—so, so thankful for her presence—intermittent sniffles are the only sound you’re capable of.

Until you stabilize and come up for air, fishing words from your river of grief, “Remember what I told you. When he broke up with me.”

Anger simmers in her reply as her shoulder moves under your chin. You assume by the movements that she’s typing something on her phone—or prepping for revenge, either one of the two. “I do.”

“He said he still loves me.”

Your first thought is proven correct as a device plops onto your comforter. “Bullshit.”

“Dom…”

“What? Like he loved you then, too?” She scoffs. “You were the one that loved him and he cut you out. He needs to get over that.”

“He said it was a mistake.”

“It sure as fuck was.”

“I dunno. Something just doesn’t sit right.” You swipe at your nose. “He looked so.. I just…”

“Uh uh. It’s too fresh.” She gently lifts your heavy cloud off her person, firm fingers squeezing out rain. “You gotta get out of your own damn head right now.”

“I know.”

“Now.”

You break into another sob, hiccuping before nodding. “It just sucks, Dom. I d—”

“Look, I get that. But everything you’re thinking about already happened. It’s done.” A glance is thrown behind her back before she swivels around. “Focus on what you have now.”

In your moments of weakness, you ask the dumbest things,

“What do I have now.”

As always, Dominique is quick and to the point. “A man that’s waiting outside your door.”

Huh?

Your eyes flash up to hers as she stands. “Wait, what?”

What did she say? What does she mean? How does she know that what’s going on—

“One minute,” she warns, far away and not to you. “Then you’re on your own.”

“K.”

Wait, what.

You don’t even realize you’re vacating your bed as you see him walk in, nodding back at Dom closing the door before regarding your wreck of a face.

His name is molasses on your tongue.

What is he doing? Isn’t the party still on? Why is he walking closer?

He’s not supposed to be in here he can’t be here and you’re telling him that but he pulls you in so tight that the rest of your tears rain down in sheets.

“Fuck,” is all you can manage now, and he crushes you in even harder, as if he wants you pressed against all of him forever like a keepsake leaf on a journal page.

Your voice writes words into his clothes, silence his only reply but the only one you need.

Even if you only get a minute, this is enough. It’s enough, not enough, enough.

When he holds you at arm’s length, his question comes out a bit fast-paced, “What happened?”

Damn it. As much as you should probably tell him, you use precious seconds to pause, not really knowing if you want to or not.

“Don’t sweat it,” he quickly understands, kissing your forehead just as chaste. When he moves again, you catch the tension in his shoulders, notice the ruffles in his hair. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yes. No.” Fuck, he kinda looks as rattled as you feel. What is happening right now? “I just, umm. I need a minute.”

“You don’t have to go back out there, you know.”

“But you do,” you counter. “And I just wanna see you.”

Finally, Yoongi stops, and his whole upper body relaxes at once. A beautiful sound to your ears, amusement huffs out his nose before he mutters, “You can’t keep saying shit like that.”

“But it’s true.”

His chuckle is light, and mischievous eyes find the ground before they lift to yours,

“Makes me wanna take you home.”

Well. You swiftly realize why he doesn’t want you to keep saying certain things. The zing of emotion through your body was definitely uncalled for.

Any other day, you would want this type of conversation to keep going. And maybe you’d be a little coy about it.

But right now, all you are is tired, and your barriers are crumbled enough for a truth to escape.

Resigned, you step closer to wrap his waist in your arms, not caring if he can feel the rapid beats of your heart. “I want you to do that,” you admit, breath warming your face on his already warmer shirt. “All the time.”

“Take you home?”

“Mmhmm.”

Yoongi runs fingers along your arm. “You know I’d do it if I could, doll.”

If you were someone else. If you didn’t have to hide.

If you didn’t have to wait.

At least you don’t have to wait for much longer. Definitely can’t say anything to your brother tonight, but you and Yoongi agreed on after this party. So things will be better from here on out.

But why does he seem so—

You’re spooked by a warning knock on your door, and you flicker eyes to see his filled with something you don’t like.

And the air suddenly shifts to something alarming.

“Listen.”

“Hmm?”

“I know we said we’d say something.”

Oh. You shake your head, already on the same page and liking how in sync you are. “There’s no way. At least, not tonight. Jungkook—”

“It may need to be a bit longer than that.”

Huh.

What does he mean by—

“So you probably won’t see me for awhile.”

You freeze.

So does time.

A minute is no longer enough.

“Yoongi, please—”

“Can you do that?”

Your heart slams against your ribcage, banging and banging and screaming that what he’s asking is not possible.

Because he isn’t asking what you want to do. He isn’t even asking how long you can wait.

There’s a reason why he’s risking all sorts of shit to say this in person. Why he seems so restless.

And you’re already missing him so hard it hurts.

Truthfully? You can’t do this. Not now. Not when your heart is bleeding out on your own bedroom floor. There isn’t even enough time to process Jungkook’s talk and now you need to deal with this?

“Babe?”

But despite what you feel, even if your throat is seizing and your chest is caving in, your answer will be what he needs.

Because seeing Yoongi look like this—torn and frayed at the edges—renders you powerless and protective all at once. For fuck’s sake, he looks slightly panicked and this is the second new side of him you’ve seen tonight.

And yet he found a way to be with you one last time.

Sacrificing seconds just to say goodbye.

So you give up something, too. Your wants and needs because you don’t think you can do this, but it seems way too important to him to not try.

You get it. That whole confrontation probably snapped all sense back into him. He doesn’t want to hurt his best friend. Or disrupt his work environment. Or both. Whatever whatever whatever. You should’ve seen this coming.

If distance is what he wants, you’ll give it. Instant karma because you just told someone else to give you some, too.

Of course you lose someone as soon as you gain back another.

“Doll, let me know because—”

“Anything,” you rush out, and yearning taints your voice on the descent. “I’ll do it.”

He pans from one eye to the other, and you weakly reveal a crack in your resolve,

“Anything for you.”

That answer was a lot more than what you meant to say. And the next look he gives rips you into shreds. Shreds of the bigger truth you just told him with moments left of his time.

“For us,” he corrects, swooping in to give you one more soul-shattering kiss.

And with that, he pulls away, turning to retreat into the real world that proves absurdly cruel.

You don’t know when you’ll get to be alone with him again. It could be a day. Or months. Or even longer.

But watching him go, you know you can get through this. You know you can do it.

Because this is nothing new. Just another person leaving. You’ve gone through it before and you’ll go through it again and this time will be different, right? Right? He’ll come back. Of course he will.

And yet there’s still a part of you that questions.

If people are like seasons…

Which one will Yoongi be?

Fuck.

Your body is moving before the rest of you does, and you propel forward to tug him in, flooding his lips with saltwater and longing and a deluge of reluctant trust.

And he responds in an instant, swallowing you in an embrace you’ll cherish forever and willingly giving in to your desperate tugs on his jacket.

“Yoongi, I—”

You hear another insistent knock before he slings you into the nearest wall, and he grips the back of your head so hard you sob into his mouth.

“I know.”

His name rattles around your mouth.

“It’ll be okay.”

You wanna believe him.

“Okay?”

But you only nod, eyes filled with oceans but gaze unwavering. Because you need to see him. Because you need to see him.

“Fuck.”

He smashes his lips on yours once more, capturing every soft plea for him to stay and holding you so tightly that your heart splinters. And while you know this is his way of telling you everything will be okay, you have a sinking suspicion that he is fighting to believe it himself.

It’s not fair.

None of this is fucking fair.

If he was anyone else, if you were anyone else, if your brother wasn’t the way he was, if Jungkook wasn’t in the position he’s in now.

It was just nights ago that you cradled all his moonlight in your palms.

And now you’ll be farther apart than stars.

Yoongi finally pulls away right as Dom opens the door, and a myriad of emotions slosh into your brain when his eyes never leave you.

“I got us,” he vows, finger on your chin the sole thing keeping you afloat, and you suspend in disbelief that someone you know is witnessing his lips press your forehead in real time and no explosions or helicopters are crashing onto the scene.

Just a panicked “Hurry up, for god’s sake!” to indicate your friend is not amused or phased.

Yoongi finally steps away, slowly backing up before slipping out, and the door closes with only you inside—hand clawing deep into your chest.

Because you know him well enough.

He was committing your every feature to memory.

And the desperation in his reddened eyes hunches you forward in pain.

The rest of the party goes on. Music booms, people laugh, conversations sparkle.

And you hear them all through your door.

Unmoved from the spot everyone left you in.

Idiot🙄 [1:34am]: Hey

Idiot🙄 [1:34am]: You up or nah?

You [1:40am]: yeah

Idiot🙄 [1:40am]: Help me clean up

You scoff at your phone, letting it fall from your hand before resting tired eyes between your knees.

When it buzzes again, you reluctantly read it with vision unreflecting.

Idiot🙄 [1:42am]: Left food for you, too

That you will leave your room for. You may have just cried out your weight in tears alone.

You🙄 [1:46am]: ok

Idiot🙄 [1:46am]: 👍

Cleaning is a quiet event, with you both doing the chores you’ve defaulted to over the years. While he clears the floors and deals with the trash, you steadily get through the dishes, scrubbing them as well as you can before placing them in the washer to dry.

A plate. A bowl after that.

Two whisky glasses even though there were plenty of solo cups to use.

You needed this. Needed a way of going through the motions and letting your brain fly on autopilot. If you sniffle, the water drowns it out, and only the dishes get to see any lingering tears.

And unluckily for you, there are plenty of both.

“Hey.”

You hum.

“Do I need to beat his ass?”

Well, that didn’t take long.

Frustration tears its way up your throat on all fours, “I should kick yours for what you did back there.”

“And I’d deserve it.”

You pause.

“But I still wanna know.”

Sighing, you shake your head, knowing that neither of you are angry enough to fight anyways. “No, okay? I was serious. We talked.”

“I know you talked but he still hurt you.”

Your lip stings under your teeth.

“And I can’t just let that go.”

When he stops, you place another dish on its rack. “Let’s just finish and I’ll tell you everything in a sec.”

He sets down the last of his trash before retiring in the living room, the thump of weary weight squeezing a sigh out of the couch.

And you eventually join him, water cutting off with a squeak before you shuck off your gloves.

As you walk through the cleaned-enough rooms, you keep hearing afterimages of conversations, wondering how many revolved around your shouting match with Jungkook, or how many speculated who Yoongi is or isn’t seeing.

All these pretend scenarios mock you from all sides.

But the conversation you’re about to have with your brother is gonna be real. And a long time coming, quite frankly.

You take a breath before crossing into a space that’s seen and heard many things. While you take residence in your regular spot on the sofa, your brother doesn’t deter his gaze from a television that’s not on.

But as soon as you blurt out your confession, he slowly closes his eyes.

“He broke up with me. Before I left for school.”

“...Why didn’t you tell me.”

Brows scrunched, you waste no time in pinning him with your response, “Did you see yourself back there? Imagine if you found out back then.”

Silence.

“Besides,” you continue, deflating back into the cushions, “He was moving, remember? And you had enough going on. I didn’t want you to worry.”

“I always worry.”

“It’s whatever at this point. I didn’t even know he was back until Yoo—you told me.”

Shit, that was close.

“I shouldn’t have made it a surprise.”

“Not your fault. What’s done is done.” When you observe the blank screen, you can see your brother aim a look your way. “Just made the whole uni thing miserable at first.”

And the years after, too, but he doesn’t need the same details that Yoongi got.

He sighs, hand scratching the side of his head before free-falling. When it’s quiet, you think he’s preparing for war. Prepping a vow to go after Jungkook and dealing with a problem that’s not yours anymore.

But he doesn’t do that. What he says catches you completely off guard.

An apology.

“I’m sorry I’m always gone. Or not really here when I’m back.”

Where did that come from? Are you already done with a talk you dreaded for years?

This can’t be it.

Blinking, your mouth slowly opens before you respond as level as possible. “It’s okay. I can pretty much fend for myself at this point.”

“I know. But I’ll try to be better.”

He’s gonna what? “Why?”

“Cus I feel… Uhh.” He moves his lips around in thought, as if the next sentence takes strategy to arrange. “I feel like we don’t really talk anymore.”

“…Oh.”

You’re thoroughly thrown. Because who the hell is this person you’re talking to right now? What’s up with him? He doesn’t need to try anything better except calm the fuck down sometimes. And let you be an adult.

And frankly, you feel like you talk a normal amount anyway. At least, you didn’t think anything was off about it.

What the hell happened after he left your room?

Suddenly, you see him laugh at the ground before asking it a question. “Remember when we’d go get our own food?”

Alright, he’s definitely drunk or a clone.

But you’ll take it. This switch in what you expected this conversation to be is a welcome one, and you softly entertain memories that aren’t supposed to be this funny. “Yeah. We’d get told to come back with our parents.”

“Until they realized we kept going alone.”

A memory makes you smirk. “You even tried dressing like a grown up.”

He chuckles again, elbows resting on his knees as he watches your coffee table. “I really thought I did it, too.”

“You did.” Thinking about all the shit you both went through, it’s truly a wonder how you’re both still here. Living and existing and doing big things.

A rueful chuckle leaves your lips, floating to the floor. “We’re fucked up, huh.”

“Very,” he agrees. “But who isn’t.”

True. “It could be worse, I think.”

“How?”

You play with some of the frays on your sofa, wondering when this piece of furniture started to resemble thin lines of too-soft polyester at its edges.

Did it start to give up around the same time your parents did? Or had their patience worn thin way before the threads on this cushion began to fade?

Whichever truth remains, at least it’s still here—witnessing all the struggles and triumphs, the highs and lows, and all the times the two of you had sat in puffy-eyed silence.

Together.

“They could’ve left us somewhere else.”

“Ah,” he nods, slowly shaking his head and twisting the watch on his wrist. “Nah.”

Silent, your eyes find his side profile in due time. “No?”

And his glare burns the path ahead. Just like it always has. “I wouldn’t have let them.”

“Oh, really.”

“I got them to leave us all this, didn’t I?”

Wait, he did what now?

…You didn’t know that.

“Hold on,” you breathe slow. “That’s what happened?”

“We had a deal.” He sighs before leaning all the way back, hands joined at the knuckles on his stomach. “If I graduated with full marks and, uhh. Got a starting salary high enough, they’d pay for your tuition.”

The pause he makes weighs a ton.

“And leave this to us when you came back.”

So… He…

Holy shit.

You were just fucking relieved you didn’t have to pay any loans. For once, you thought your parents really had your best interests in mind and did something out of kindness before peacing the fuck out.

But it’s all because your brother negotiated and pulled off the near impossible?

…Is he paying loans?

“I didn’t know any of that,” you whisper, finding yourself on the verge of tears again.

He simply shrugs, looking down at his cherished piece that he rarely takes off. “You didn’t need to. You were just a kid.”

“So were you.”

Your brother purses his lips, and you wonder what words he could be holding back. What thoughts he has that he won’t say out loud. If any of them are things he wants to say but can’t.

“It’s whatever.”

He had to grow up fast so that you didn’t have to.

And you don’t have the heart to tell him that university fast tracked that anyways.

So, while grateful as hell and knowing you’ll be thinking about this conversation for years, you switch the subject. You’re already overwhelmed as is.

And you suddenly understand what Yoongi might be struggling with, too.

Because if he did all this for you, what lengths has he gone for his best friend?

Shoving that thought into a far corner of your brain, you rest your head to mirror your sibling, letting your tears slide back to where they came from. “I, umm. Was wondering why they left us the house. But I figured they just didn’t wanna pay for it.”

“It was already paid off,” he explains, seemingly just as happy to talk about something else. “Don’t ask me how I know this, but it’s how I was able to negotiate in the first place. They had four other properties, and a condo on some island.”

“What.”

“That’s why they were rarely here. Work trips, my ass.” He scoffs before bouncing a leg. “And they had us in this place.”

“I like it here, though.”

“I do, too, but…” You hear a shuffle of his feet before he stops. “I just. I dunno, it’s just us here. It feels...”

“Empty?”

“Maybe. More like something’s missing? I dunno, that’s probably lame.”

You inhale before assuring him. “It’s not.”

And with that, you’re both left to stare at the same ceiling, conversation stewing and simmering around the whole room.

Usually, this is when you leave. Because you don’t wanna talk about shit like this, or you simply feel like doing anything else.

But tonight, you want to stay. You didn’t know these things about your brother and what he did, and it’s making you realize a lot of things.

And regret others.

A question rolls off your tongue before you can overthink it, “Do you ever wonder what we did wrong?”

“All the time.”

“When I think about it, I always end up thinking the same thing.”

“Hmm.”

You tilt your head his way. “We weren’t the adults. But neither were they.”

And you both huff in tandem after he grins. “Damn.”

You don’t know how the two of you got here. But it was much better than talking about anything else, and you silently thank him for not making you more miserable than you already were.

Truthfully, you feel a little better instead.

He just needs to know for sure that you really are past the whole situation. Mostly. A healthy amount, at least.

So you tell him. “I mean it, thou—”

“I’m sorry.”

“Huh?” You look over to see regret fill his side of the couch.

“For what I did. I was outta line.”

“Oh.” You swallow, surprisingly emotional that he’s even owning up to it. You know it only happened because he was being protective, but hearing this from him is huge. That had to be hard. “Thank you.”

“I just.. I love you, okay?” He turns to look at the ceiling again, and you quickly have to do the same because you know how that was even tougher to say. “You and my brothers.. You’re all I’ve got.”

Liquid emotion runs down your cheek, never having been told that more than once in a single day.

It’s a shame how foreign it sounds when you say it back.

But that doesn’t make it any less true.

“Love you, too.”

An hour later, you find yourself in bed, clutching your phone while a single question loops through your brain.

…Calling should be okay, right?

Even if you can’t see him, or really be in the same room, this should be okay. At least, in the dead of night when even birds are asleep. When no one is awake to judge you both for lying to the people you...

Your chest squeezes when you press down on your decision, the talk with your brother repeating in your ears.

Yoongi: Outgoing Call

It’s ringing.

Still ringing.

…And you feel your chest cave when you hear it go to voicemail.

Fuck.

Maybe he’s sleeping already. Unforeseen circumstances like emotional turmoil tend to slow down your getting ready for bed process, so it took a lot longer than usual. Maybe he isn’t actively avoiding your calls and is just face down in a pillow you miss using.

And maybe you need to get used to this god-awful feeling as quickly as you can.

This hollow, aching, painful feeli—

Yoongi: Incoming Call

Your chest booms when you see his name, and you try your absolute hardest to answer normally even though instant tears blur the screen.

“H—”

“Sorry, I was showering, fuck.”

His breath sounds so rushed, and you immediately wonder what he looks like if he didn’t take that long to answer. Imagining him in only a towel or less, you let out a pained chuckle before whispering, “You okay?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking that?”

Of course that’s his answer. “I’m not. Just wondering if you were.”

“Why would I be if you aren’t? Ow.”

Body alert, you only focus on that last syllable. “Wait, are you hurt?”

You hear a low grunt before he responds.

“Just hit my fucking knee getting out.”

Ouch. How the hell did he do that? “I’m sorry. You got ice, though, right?”

“It’s not that bad. Just stings.”

“Okay.”

There’s some crunching sounds before you hear footsteps and hisses, and a thump before other noise crackles through.

“Spoke to Kook.”

Shit.

“And the guys.”

Oh. About work. “What’s up?”

“We’re gonna be busy as shit for the next month or two, so.. Guess that came at a good time.”

Ah. No finish line in sight.

But he didn’t hide that information from you, so you appreciate the honesty. Better than him leaving you in complete darkness.

“Yeah, do your thing,” you support. “I need to prep for this interview anyway. And figure shit out if I end up getting the job.”

“When you get it.”

You exhale, shy. “When I get it, yeah.”

“Where is it again? That blue building, yeah?”

“Mmhmm. But where I’ll be is like, third floor.”

“See? Claiming shit already.”

You realize right as he says it, but you meant something completely different. Your laugh is soft. “I meant for the interview.”

“Mm. Well lemme know where you post up after they hire you.”

“Yoongi.”

“Fine.”

“Did you, umm. Did you and Kook talk about anything else?”

“Just work stuff.”

“Okay.” Your eyes lower. If he’s telling you everything, you gotta reciprocate.

Even the stuff you don’t wanna mention. “He tried to kiss me.”

“What.”

Swallowing at his tone, you whisper, “I told him I couldn’t.”

“…I see.”

Fuck. He does not sound okay with that in the slightest. Disappointed with yourself, you apologize, “I’m sorry.”

“Huh? Don’t be.”

“You sound mad.”

There’s another moment of silence, and you don’t think you breathe until he responds,

“Not at you, doll.”

Well, shit. You don’t wanna cause any friction between them, especially after the energy Jungkook gave off earlier. It’s still bugging you to hell. “Nothing happened, baby. But he felt really off after y’all left, so.. I dunno. Be careful.”

“I will. But that means I can’t talk when he’s around.”

You bury your head, watching the hours that you get with Yoongi dwindle away. Knowing Jungkook, he’s gonna immerse himself in whatever keeps him distracted. So he will most likely be at the studio just as much. “At least you were there today,” you whisper.

“Mm.”

“Honestly, I didn’t expect that.”

There’s a breath on the line, and you can tell he’s hesitant just by the way he moves his phone. So when he finally speaks, your jaw goes slack.

“I was there first, doll.”

He what?

“Wait… You were?”

He was at your door first? He has to know how that looked, right? Your brother clearly saw him if he was the one to shout, and yet there was no mention of it when the two of you spoke.

Maybe that’s part of why Yoongi decided what he did. A decision to help you came with consequences he knew were coming. But he did it anyway.

Your breath is suddenly short. And your head is starting to spin with information overload.

“The plan was to only check for a sec, but he had the same idea. Showed up right behind me.”

“So… You both heard—”

“Nothing until the yelling.”

They were there the whole time. Both of them. Yoongi first? Your brother joining him?

Nope. This is too much. All of this is way too much for one night and your head is bursting at the seams.

Just another reason why this separation could be a good thing. Other than the fact that Jungkook seems weird and you can’t see Yoongi at all and him and your brother really are more than friends and you wedged yourself right in between everybody—

Information. Realizations. Guilt. You’re spiraling.

Run.

“I’m, umm. I’m gonna get off now.”

“You okay?”

Say yes. Say anything but “No. I’m… I don’t know, I really don’t know—This is a lot and—”

“Wait—”

“I get it and I’ll stay away for as long as you want—”

“Babe, talk to—”

“Bye, Yoongi.”

And you immediately hang up before your dam floods.

He doesn’t need to hear your grief over the past, your regrets of the present, your fear of the future. He doesn’t need to know how pained you really feel dealing with everything at once. How harsh his departure is because this is when you need him most.

Yoongi: Missed Call

All he needs to know is that you’ll do this for him. Because he would do the same for you.

And he’s done enough for everyone other than himself.

But goddamn if this doesn’t hurt like nothing else you’ve experienced before.

And you’ve been through hell.

Yoongi: Missed Call (2)

Why is he calling? Won’t this just make it harder?

Why does he keep trying if you need to stay away?

Yoongi: Incoming Call

With a heart so busted you don’t know where all the pieces are, you finally reach up to acknowledge his effort.

And his greeting sends a pang through your chest.

“Knew you’d answer on the first try.”

Sniffling, you say his name so, so softly.

“You didn’t let me say bye.”

When you don’t respond, he trudges on.

“So now, you get to hear the longest good night ever.”

Huh?

“And no hanging up this time.”

What the heck does he… mean…

As soon as you hear the light strums of a guitar, your heart shows signs of life. And you let everything out while he gathers the scattered shards with every chord. Every note.

Every second he doesn’t say goodbye.

A river flows into your pillow until it runs dry, and the Moon outside your blinds casts a silver blanket over your defeated shoulders.

And it’s only when you and your phone are dead to the world that the Sun steps in to peel it off with calm palms.

For the first time in a long time, you plan a sleepover at Taehyung’s.

And after getting a rundown of what happened, he completely agrees that you both need it.

It’s been a minute since you slept over there, and rolling onto his driveway makes you remember the first time it happened.

Your brother was outright flabbergasted you even asked.

But after some arguments from you and very clear energy from Tae, your brother waved you off and just demanded no funny shit better happen.

And you’ve spent so many nights over there since then that Taehyung’s one of the people he calls if he’s looking for you.

Being reminded of something else interesting, you think back to the first time you went to Yoongi’s, spending enough time there that he ended up on the list of people to call about your whereabouts.

As hot as he was picking up with a cheeky arm around you, it was surprising he was on that list in the first place.

Well, maybe not. They’re best friends. But why would he—

“You just gonna waste gas in my driveway or what?”

Snapping your head up, you see Taehyung looking bored, hands on his hips and wearing the most comfortable clothes you’ve ever seen.

Your glare in return is empty when you finally get out, circling around to grab your stuff and take-out from the passenger seat.

“You’re lucky I like you,” you joke as he goes to grab the food. Locking your car, you follow his grumbles into the house with a laugh, feeling a little okay already.

“How’s Jimin?”

“Still complicated, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss.”

You sigh before you poke your noodles, knowing you have quite the catch-up to get through. If only your attempt at procrastination worked.

“Eat,” Taehyung orders before taking a hearty slurp of his meal. “I don’t care if you’re sad, this wasn’t cheap.”

“Excuse you.” He’s lucky you resist the urge to fling saucy food all over his shorts. “Also, I paid for it, the hell?”

When your friend blows air through his nose, you scoff before silently doing as he says, pouting at the beginning credits onscreen.

“How long has it been?”

Ah. That’s a good start.

As you peer down at your food, emotion and appetite abandon your palate,

“A month.”

“...Damn.”

Taehyung already knows all about what happened. But even if he didn’t, you think he would’ve caught on to your increasingly depressing song choices. And the way you barely watched Yoongi during the last intramural game.

“How’s the new job, though? Good distraction?”

That you can talk about for hours. “Thank fuck it is.”

“That’s good, at least.”

As your meal progresses, you continue to catch him up on everything, including the way night calls are the only thing keeping your hopes afloat.

Because Yoongi was right. Ever since the party, weekdays have been radio silent, and you soon got accustomed to looking forward to his late texts saying he’s home.

And you’ve been okay with that. Landing the job and getting swamped with training has kept you busy, and your friends have been a wonderful salve for persisting wounds.

It just stings when you know the studio is close by. Because even though Yoongi extended invitations before, you avoid that area like the plague.

“But enough about me,” you huff. “Still complicated with him, huh.”

If Taehyung knows you’re too sad to keep talking, he doesn’t show it. His response simply comes after a few chews. “Yeah. But”—he swallows—“Not in a way I’m mad about.”

“What do you mean?”

Taehyung settles back into the sofa right as a ball of fluff hops on, and you watch the movie roll by while he gently orders him to get down. “He’s not as flaky. We just haven’t really labeled anything yet.”

That’s surprising to hear. Tae doesn’t strike you as the labeling type at all, so your question is genuine, “Do you need one?”

A huff is what you get in return, and you can hear the smile in his tone. “He seems to want one more than me. Which is why I don’t get the hesitation.”

“Mm.”

That makes more sense. Knowing what you know about Jimin, you aren’t shocked he would be conflicted about something he really wants.

Why he’s skirting around the point is the question. It’s clear to you that they would be so cute together. And sickly annoying in public.

“Maybe that’s a good sign,” you blurt, roping your friend’s gaze and attention. Spotlight on you instead of the characters bustling about his television, you smile. “It’s like he’s scared because he cares about your feelings.”

Not unlike what’s happening between another pair of friends you know.

Taehyung blinks, and you’ve always liked the way curiosity widens his eyes.

But he’s so quiet that you shift. “What?”

He keeps staring before biting an incoming smile. Before you can question him again, something brightens his expression. “You’ve changed, you know that?”

Huh. “Me? How?”

Your friend just grins before resting his head on the top of his cushion. “I’ve always known you were amazing. But now you look like you know that, too.”

All thoughts fizzle out before your jaw dips. When you try to present arguments, none materialize, and Taehyung laughs at the way you physically buffer.

“Not even denying it. I like this.”

“Shut up,” you finally pout, embarrassed and shy when he laughs again.

The rest of the film continues with nothing else but your commentary, and Taehyung clicks out of the queue screen before another one can start.

“Break? Or what do you feel like?”

You feel Yeontan’s fluff at your feet. “We can keep going.”

“Mmk.”

Both of you contemplate which one to pick when you feel your phone vibrate a ton. And when you see the notification, your heart leaps before crashing back down to the ground.

Yoongi [5:02pm]: Just got booked for another week

Yoongi [5:03pm]: Can’t talk now but

Yoongi [5:03pm]: Letting you know

Right.

You slowly let your hand drop with a sigh, and you can feel Taehyung’s pitied stare without moving.

“I know,” you whisper. “I shouldn’t be upset.”

“You can definitely be upset.”

You lift weary eyes to see that your assumption was very wrong. There’s no pity evident at all.

Only warmth. And understanding.

“Cus knowing him? He’s probably more frustrated than you are.”

There’s a pinch in your chest, a sharp one that cuts your breath for a small second in time.

Him? Being more upset than you?

You only thought about that possibility once, but you quickly dismissed it. There’s no way.

But hearing Tae say it from a guy’s perspective—and someone that knows how Yoongi can be—gives you pause.

It just didn’t make sense before because he sounds fine when you call, and he doesn’t really talk much about his own shit unless you ask. Which is strange considering he was fine doing so after your huge breakthrough at his place. Granted, it was mostly about good things.

Does he only hold back when it’s about stuff that stresses him out? That’s not ideal. You’ve told him before to tell you what’s bothering him, so if he’s still hesitant to let you in…

Taehyung’s honeyed voice brings you into the present,

“What are you gonna say?”

Blinking, you push your lips together in thought before looking at your phone again.

If Yoongi really is more upset than you are, then you should tell him something that you would wanna hear from him. Even if you aren’t feeling so hot.

You [5:07pm]: how’s ur back feel from carrying everyone so hard🥴

You [5:07pm]: jk its ok<3 you’re getting recognized and it’s about time

When you send those, something strange happens to your shoulders.

They’re lighter.

How is that possible? You’re still sad.

But your mind seems to clear some junk out, instead feeling a little okay about the whole thing.

Hopefully Yoongi receives them well. If he doesn’t, you’ll figure something else out.

Yoongi [5:09pm]: Lmaoo I’m saying. They better run me my check and cover my hospital bills.

You laugh with teary eyes, soul feeling like it’ll live despite plans being pushed back again.

The lingering sadness remains, but it’s dwindled for now. An afterthought to the slight happiness you feel from lifting him up instead of dragging him down.

Another message slides into the thread before you click your phone shut, so when Tae gets more food, you catch what it says.

Yoongi [5:11pm]: Fuck I miss you

And your heart beats extra loud, mouth slightly curved and wobbly because you agree but it’s okay, okay, okay. You can both do this.

You [5:12pm]: i miss you too.. but focus now and tell me all about it later

Of course you want to cry. Of course you want to curl up into a ball and sob.

Yoongi [5:15pm]: Thanks doll

But just like there’s strength in being strong, there’s just as much strength in being gentle.

Because as upset as you feel, it’s better if you don’t show it. While you aren’t completely resolute, you push forward in silence. Even if you can’t see the finish line.

The lingering feeling of anxiousness remains; the what-if’s batter your mind from the inside. But you choose to stay optimistic for him, and even you have to admit that’s admirable.

But the yearning still packs a fucking punch.

Your shoulders must be slumping to hell because you feel a warm presence settle against you, slinging an arm around and holding you close.

The only sound you make is a quick sniffle, but you don’t move as Taehyung reads the thread on your phone.

“You see what I see, right,” is all he whispers.

And when you slightly shrug, he leans his head against yours.

“You will.”

Nodding, you feel more tears follow the paths of their predecessors, and you don’t move to wipe them away. “You’re a good person, Tae.”

His chuckle sounds like a hearth, and you welcome Yeontan’s sniffs on your legs.

“Jimin’s lucky you’re even giving him a chance.”

“Ah.” After squeezing your bicep, your friend reaches down to pick up his baby. “He’s lucky I gave him more than one.”

“Oh? The luckiest then.”

“You can do this,” he murmurs. “He’ll be ready before you know it.”

With heavy eyes, you glance down at your still unfinished food.

“Maybe you’re right.”

One week turns into three.

Then two more pass.

And Taehyung might be less correct than you thought.

“Fuck,” you groan, clutching under your stomach. “Sorry, I’m a mess.”

“It’s okay.”

“At least you don’t have to see me this gross.”

“So?”

“You better stop.” Another eruption of pain shoots through your lower body, and you exhale into your pillow. “This is only making it worse.”

“You got a heating pad?”

A what? How does he know about—

Oh. Right.

…You probably shouldn’t tread waters you don’t know the depths of.

“Yeah. But it’s too far and I’m lazy.”

He laughs in pity but doesn’t show any in his words,

“Go get it, doll.”

Because being reminded of his last relationship also makes you wonder why it ended. And wonder if that also has anything to do with his decision.

Now hurt in multiple ways, you childishly retort, “You get it.”

“I would if I was there. But I’m not, so you’re gonna.”

“Fine.” You huff into your pillowcase, knowing you’re gonna get up because his perfect mix of support and command is annoyingly attractive. “How much longer?”

Yoongi’s too quiet for your tastes.

“I’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

Eyes closed, you’re silent for eons.

“Okay.”

To your confusion, you get a food delivery at your office the next day.

Inspecting the contents of the bag, you’re cautious until you notice a takeout box of mandu under some sweets and a few all too familiar fruits.

And at the note inside, you promptly proceed to the least used bathroom to compose yourself.

Soon.

Soon and Almost are somewhat similar.

Both can give people a bit of hope.

But they can also be the most dangerous words to play with.

Because soon is hilariously arbitrary, and you almost believed it meant something good.

“Going to Yoongi’s.”

“K.”

“You wanna go? He’s having a few people over.”

You bite down so hard your jaw hurts. “Nah, I already have plans tonight.”

“K. Have fun!”

When the door closes, you keep your eyes on the television.

Arms falling at your side because you know you aren’t going anywhere.

On a random Tuesday, you finally get a package you’ve been waiting on for what seems like months, and you rush to your room to check if it’s exactly what you wanted.

When it looks so beautiful, and feels smooth to the touch, you clutch the material in sorrow.

It’s perfect.

And completely useless for the time being.

Calls have been the one thing getting you by.

But over time, even those have virtually stopped.

It can’t be helped. He’s working far too late into the night for you to stay awake, and is passed out by the time you need to wake up.

Spending time with friends helps distract from the drift, especially when one of them keeps snapping you into the present, but they’re getting busy, too.

However. Despite all the obstacles, you keep waiting. A season has passed, yet you stay grounded.

Hoping, wishing, choosing to believe that Yoongi’s not gonna do the same.

You accidentally spill your drink.

And you sob.

One chilly night, you take more of Taehyung’s advice, going to Jimin’s determined to have a good time.

But despite the manufactured confidence you had while getting dressed up and the way you were totally fine walking in and conversing with people and the admittedly perfect vibes of the party…

There’s a hole in your chest that won’t decrease in size.

No matter what you feed it—food, drinks, the compliments of others—it refuses to budge, and this emptiness holds weight. Heavy. Melancholic.

Painful.

As you suddenly find yourself on Jimin’s windy balcony, one with a slightly different view than the one you’ll remain on forever, dull eyes lower to your solo.

If you forget this one on the railing, too…

Will he finally show up to hand it back?

A sharp ache spreads as the hole expands, new tears too powerful to ignore. You know your vision swims, but you don’t move to stay afloat at all.

Three months.

Ninety days.

Eight million seconds.

It only took sixty for you to miss him. And it only took sixty-one for you to feel something else.

How many more will you end up counting? How long until you get to count down instead of up?

You keep asking yourself that. When you know for damn sure that you don’t want to know the answer.

A breeze wraps around your limbs as you sip, the chill cutting through your dress and making you teeter in your heels.

Because it seems like Yoongi doesn’t know, either.

To the point where it’s starting to scare you.

Has he been perfect otherwise? Sickeningly.

But something in you keeps wondering why the wait keeps extending, anxious that he could be flat out stalling.

Prematurely saddened by the possibility that he’s reconsidering entirely.

It makes sense. At least, more sense than him actually wanting something with you. Maybe this time apart has given him the clarity to realize how rose-tinted this whole situation has been. How unrealistic and laughable.

But that night in his kitchen…

It’s getting harder and harder to stay positive.

On the verge of defeat, you hold out your phone, clicking around until your finger hovers over a certain Call button.

You can’t.

He’s working. Someone could see your name, if he has it saved as normal as you have his.

Your finger moves a bit closer.

What the fuck are you doing? Stop. Don’t screw up everything you’ve had to endure with one impulsive decision.

But your mind is fucking bad tonight and you have no clue why.

When the screen lights up with the call screen anyway, ice water rushes through because you totally didn’t mean to call and you need to end it now.

Hold on, it’s an incoming call?

Oh fuck, it’s an incoming call.

Your throat sears as your eyes shut tight.

How the fuck did he know? How the fuck does he always know?

Tears burning, you try your hardest to calm the hell down before you answer, wondering why he dubs you his good luck charm when he puts guardian angels to shame.

You can’t even say hello.

“Hey.”

Fuck. Get it together. Gentle, silent, strong.

“Hello?”

But you can’t. Not this time. Just hearing his voice for the first time in weeks has you crumbling, and that damn hole in your chest is unquenchable.

As soon as your greeting is nothing but a weak sniffle, his change in tone seizes your soul and squeezes.

Because it plummets.

“Where are you.”

There’s quick shuffling and a door opening.

“What’s wrong.”

Damn it there’s keys jangling and you can’t help but sob even harder knowing exactly what he’s doing.

Goddamn it, Min Yoongi. He doesn’t have to go home just because you’re what, sad? Pathetic.

You feel way too many things for this man and it fucking sucks that eight million seconds have gone by after you finally acknowledged them.

However many you get with him now, whenever that may be, you’re not taking a single one for granted.

“Babe, tell me. Now.”

“Jimin’s. Outside,” you choke out, sniffling and wiping both cheeks. “But nothing happened, Yoongi, I just—It just—”

“Gimme twenty. Can you do that?”

Lowering your head and expectations, you huff in sad amusement.

Of course you can. Twenty minutes is nothing to you now. You can wait until he’s free. “Guess so.”

“K. Go back inside and grab a bag.”

Huh? Knitted brows get aimed at your cup as you question him.

“Chips, doll. Jimin has some in the pantry.”

That doesn’t answer anything, so you remain thoroughly confused. “I’ll be okay,” you respond after a moment, simply assuming he wants you to replenish sodium. “I’m not hungry.”

“I am.”

You freeze.

So does time.

And the next three seconds are enough.

“But you better bring the good shit or I’m not letting you in the car.”

After camping in the only unoccupied bathroom, you finally get a text that he’s somewhere around the corner.

And your chest has never felt lighter.

Texting Tae, you let him know that you’re leaving and that you don’t apologize to Jimin for raiding his kitchen. When he responds, that’s when you slip out, your departure a mess of crinkling and racing heartbeats.

If anyone sees you walking out with chips, you pay them no mind. Because you only care what one person thinks.

And seven minutes later, when you see him doubling over at the bazillion noisy bags in your arms, you laugh along at the absurdity of it all.

It’s almost enough to distract you from what he’s wearing.

But to your credit, you don’t exactly see the damn rips in his jeans until he opens a back door for you to throw your haul in.

As if the black top wasn’t already disrespectful enough. His hair has even gotten longer, and you really, really like the new length.

“Fucking hustler.”

No second is wasted as you grab his shirt, positively melting at the way he doesn’t resist or shy away at all.

In fact, he does the exact opposite, crushing you against his warm car so fast he has to brace himself. You welcome the way air leaves your lungs, because you’re giving it all to him with each pass of his lips over yours.

Both of you know you’re outside, in public, somewhere you can be seen. But, mirroring the last time you kissed under a starry sky, neither of you act like you give a shit.

Just like that, everything that has haunted you fades. The worries, the fears, the doubts. It doesn’t matter how many days have passed, because it feels like he never left.

And you suddenly know Yoongi is summer.

Endless.

“Get in,” he rasps through a smirk. “Thief.”

With a grin spread so wide your cheeks hurt, you respond right as your foreheads meet,

“Anything for you.”

With nothing but the road ahead and him beside you, everything is right with the world.

“You still have to gimme chips.”

Maybe not quite everything.

Smile ruining your attempted pout, you reach behind your seat to pick a random bag, settling on the easiest one to grab. “You really made me get these just for you, huh? Are you eating?”

“Yes, my love. And I never said that.”

Well. That first sentence will never, ever, ever be unpacked.

As you shakily open the bag, you hope his music hides your shiver, “Such a smartass.”

“You’re the smartass.”

“Don’t act like you aren’t smart, too,” you laugh, tugging down your dress because he has his car pretty cold tonight. “I know you are.”

When Yoongi reaches to grab some crisps, his blatant stare on your thighs makes you squirm. “Why?”

“I just… You read.”

To your chagrin, he laughs in surprise, forcing you to look out the window.

Which makes you miss the way he turns down the fans. “I’m smart cus I read? How do you even know?”

“You have books under your coffee table,” you answer without doubt as he digs for more chips. “And you don’t have decor just to have it, so…”

He cocks a brow before focusing on the road, licking his fingers and giving you grief. “I moved those, by the way.”

“Em”—you cough—“Embarrassed?”

“Proactive.”

“Huh? For what?”

He can barely contain his spreading curve. “The next time you decide to fuck up my place.”

Your heartbeat skips as you gawk, and the current song is overshadowed by your playful shouts and tickle attempts. “Oh, bullshit!”

“You soaked—aish—my whole apartment!”

“That was you!”

“No?”

“Yes? I was nice and only got your head wet!”

Yoongi glances at you then, head tilted up in cockiness and wide smirk slicing through your every thought.

And you glitch when you realize why.

Settling back into your seat with arms guarding your shyness, you sniff upward. “Ugh. Whatever… I’m right.”

He chuckles a bit before making a turn, and the scenery starts getting familiar.

Way too familiar.

Wait, he’s taking you back to your house?

No no no. Why is he taking you there?

You got into his car fully prepared to go back to his place, consequences and shit be damned. Everything else be damned. One night is all you want right now, and there’s no way you aren’t going without a fight.

All sense of the current mood dissipates when you grip his forearm. “Not there.”

He flicks his gaze, rolling to a stop at an intersection that’s frighteningly close. And his expression falls when he shifts into park with a sigh. “Babe… We can’t.”

“I don’t care.”

“I was only gonna bring you back.”

“Baby, please.”

“He’s home—”

“Do you still miss me?”

He freezes.

Which gives you a chance.

Eyes glossy, you use all the seconds you have to say everything you’ve kept to yourself.

Almost everything.

“Because I get it if you don’t. I do. But I really… I really fucking miss you. And not just because of, whatever. But I consider you a friend and fun as hell to be around, and I haven’t”—you inhale, hating how it shakes—“I haven’t been this happy in weeks. And we aren’t even doing anything.”

Yoongi is completely silent. But that’s okay because you aren’t done.

“I know you said I wouldn’t see you. But after getting to know you? The real you? …That sucks.” You can’t look at him when his hand slips from the wheel. “I’m not gonna make you change anything, just. Telling you what’s on my mind. Like you said. I’m gonna do that a lot more now.”

He doesn’t say a word as a tear cuts one of your cheeks, and you’re brave enough to look his way again. “But it’s been three months, Yoongi,” you whisper. “Is that still not enough for you?”

Time ticks as you hold your breath, oxygen depleting and lungs nearing collapse as you watch his eyes close.

You laid everything out on the table. Your words, your thoughts, your pain.

Whatever he decides, though? You’ll respect it. You said what you wanted to say and you won’t take any of it back. If he wants to prolong this, you won’t stop him. If he doesn’t want this anymore… the home in your heart will need repairs, but you’ll live. Somewhat. You don’t know how but somehow. People are like seasons. You’re used to it.

Yoongi’s still way too quiet.

So, giving up and getting the point, you reach up to open your door.

“Stop.”

You do.

And the way he flexes his jaw shoots magma through your veins before he wrenches the car into drive.

The universe spins as you burst into Yoongi’s apartment, running, bumping, slamming into furniture until you get thrown against his bedroom door.

Welcoming the pain, you devour his scorching lips, fingers digging into his hair with a desperation that frightens you. All you feel is him him him, barely recalling the manic drive over and the way he all but busted into his own place.

If there were any lingering doubts to your question, they’re left out in the chill, not allowed to witness the way he hitches your leg up before pinning you firm with his pelvis.

“Shouldn’t be fucking doing this—”

You moan at the way his jeans feel on your skin, shivers running rampant when you more than feel his hardness poke through. “Please,” you pant, sticking to your word and ready to tell him what you want.

“Please what.”

Everything you want.

Tugging his head back, your admissions rub right against his mouth, “Choke me. Use me. I don’t care, do it all.”

“Huh?”

A breath whooshes out when he yanks you forward with a growl, and you cannot seem to stop, “Don’t be nice. Spit in my mouth. Make me beg like a fucking slut, I need it.”

All the other times, you’ve seen Yoongi break in different ways.

But this is the first time you’ve felt him legitimately snap.

“The fuck.”

Lightning strikes the dark as he slams you backward, teeth clinking against yours when he smothers you with saliva and lust. When he shoves his door open, you stumble back, more unholy plans in mind than he imagines.

You don’t know what’s coming over you.

Even as you force him sideways to shove into his rolling chair, the piercing look he gives is no match for your inner storm.

“Babe—”

Impatient, you drop to your knees, the pain nothing to you as your fingers twitch over his zipper. As you tug his pants down with force, Yoongi’s outright shock is another first for you.

“Are you su—”

“Let me do this,” you plead upward, and you feel highly motivated when he doesn’t do a thing except let out a low, gritty hum.

Grabbing at his cock, you already moan at the way it feels in your palm…

Softly, oh so softly, a large hand closes over yours, and you hear your name in a whisper, haze temporarily receding.

What’s wrong? Does he want you to stop?

When you ask without a word, Yoongi leans forward to capture your lips, and this gives you a warm sort of deja vu. “You drank tonight, yeah?”

“Yeah…?” Oh. He totally tasted alcohol. And your frantic behavior. He thinks—Oh.

Understanding what he’s getting at, you reach up and caress his cheek. “I’m not drunk, baby,” you chuckle. “I just missed you.”

Again, he looks at your eyes, one after the other. When you say it once more for good measure, he kisses you in acceptance.

“So are you gonna fuck my throat or nah?”

He falls back with a groan, raking his hair and legs spread wide. “What are you doing to me.”

“This.”

Without prompt, you dive head first, leaning forward to take his tip and swirl your tongue all around. Commanding his every drop of attention, you don’t let up as you tug your dress downward, breasts spilling out before you stand just enough to claim his lips.

He takes full advantage with a devilish curve, smacking your tits before ordering, “Get the fuck back down there.”

And you obey with a proud smirk of your own, hoping he’s liking this new side of you, too.

Back between his knees, you worship his length in earnest, swallowing him again and again and lathering him in saliva so your hands slide easily on him, too. When you feel his veins rub both your palms, you hear a symphony of lustful baritones.

“Holy fuck.”

You quickly discover you can’t get enough. Lapping, sucking, sheathing your head on his cock so far your brain smushes upward. He feels so familiar at this point that you realize you missed him even here, knocking the back of your throat and burdening your tongue with heavenly, sinful weight.

And you feel more familiar palms grip your head, eyes opening to see him staring down with reverence and something you can’t quite decipher.

“So fucking filthy...”

You chuckle, the rumble making him hiss and throw his head back against his chair.

“Don’t do that.”

You gladly disobey, laughing even harder around him before releasing with an expert pop to suck on his balls.

“Fuck!”

There’s a slight squeak before he grips you again, and you can tell he’s slipping by the way his moans devolve into breathy, short hisses.

Breaking, he pushes your head into his sack before slapping your cheek with his cock, and you hum as it slips back inside your grin.

Yes yes yes. You want him to enjoy this just as much as you do, steal this time together and run with it, need him to hang on the brink of mania where you currently reside. Because even though he’s saying things, you can’t hear them over the wholly impure sounds slopping out of your esophagus.

“Fucking hell, baby,” he praises, thrusting up slow as you keep him slathered. “Missed that fuckin’ mouth.”

You finally come up for air, gulping in air and letting him see you in all your panting glory. When you lock eyes, his lidded gaze is loaded, aimed only at your taunting stare.

Drool coats you in globs. Your chest, the floor, hanging from your lips as you stroke him with wet fingers before swallowing another time.

And you think you can do this until your jaw falls off.

But suddenly you’re hoisted upward before being thrown onto soft sheets, legs roughly shifted to one side as you paint the dark with your hoarse giggles. Before you know it, his lips attack your chest, and he’s setting butterflies wild as you arch in record time.

“Take this off,” he growls, tugging at your dress with sweaty fingers that you want lodged in multiple places. “No more hiding.”

You mewl, undressing as fast as you’re able, tearing the garment off and flinging it away. But your heels are still on, and whether he’s just as deft at removing those, too, you’ll need to hit pause. “What about my—”

“Don’t,” he grits with brows pinched, and his next vow is absolute, pure sin,

“I’m fucking you with them on.”

“Oh, fuck.” Your whine is high as you throw your head back, the next groan guttural as you feel a hand smack the side of your ass with force. Your jaw comes loose, soreness shooting through its curve as your legs are erotically parted to give Yoongi a view of everything.

You know your panties are soaked.

You know he’s gonna wreck your shit.

But seeing him eye the whole mess on display before lifting his hungry gaze your way? You’re damn sure you aren’t gonna survive the night.

Perfect.

“Please fuck me, baby,” you let out with a tone so soft that you think he doesn’t hear you.

He does. “I’m gonna do a lot more than that, doll.”

You tilt your head, confused and wondering what he means.

But he ignores your wordless question, sliding fingers along your ankle before holding your leg to kiss that same spot.

The action alone is enough to rewire your brain, but it’s the way he looks so confident, so unbothered, so determined that has your insides churning with want.

He plants lips there again before shifting his hand down to your calf, yanking your leg back wide and pulling a tiny help out of your throat. When he shifts to grip your other leg, he growls under his breath,

“So fucking perfect.”

“No, you,” you counter with a pout, and flinch what the fuck his slap to your cunt felt good. “Hey!”

“None of that,” Yoongi orders with finality. “Not after all that shit you said at the door.”

“I dunno what happened there,” you admit, inevitably shy under his commanding presence. Your cheeks sizzle before your teeth grip your lip, temporarily brought back to normalcy at his confession,

“Almost made me come.”

“Be for real.”

“Damn serious.”

The cheshire cat would be jealous of your grin. “Then I should keep going?”

“Uh huh.” He cups your whole cunt, and the possessive nature it exudes pushes a whine against your teeth. “Tell me.”

“Fuck me like you missed me.”

A groan rips through his room before he swoops down, lips bruising yours on the landing before he shoves his mouth against your neck.

Tingles erupt over your skin as he laps at your throat, so hard that your entire upper body slides across his rumpled sheets. When you feel his cock rub across your thong and his jeans grazing your skin, his name flies out of your chest. Moans, sighs, everything in between.

“Careful,” he warns low before another toe-curling lick. “You won’t leave if I did that.”

“I don’t want to,” you grit in return, reaching to sink claws in his hair and tug. “Wanna stay.”

Strong arms wrap around you before you feel him spread liquid fire up your shoulder, and he reaches to nip at your ear before deft fingers flick a nipple.

His voice rasps against your cheek, but the words sound reluctant to even leave. “You shouldn’t even be here, babe.”

Fuck. You know that’s true but your heart is rattling like a monster starved.

“Just tonight,” you plead your case. Because you don’t want to be shooed away before it’s over, but if this is all you get, he needs to do something now. “But if you really don’t want this then please kick me out before—”

“Fuck that.” After greedily tweaking your other nipple, he rolls his body against yours, making you fiend for the weighty cock wedged against you with only thin material between. “Fuck all of that.”

He rushes upward before nudging your leg over with a strong hand, and you fixate on the way his chains hit his chest. Just like always. “Don’t move.”

You don’t even get to breathe twice as he drops from sight, and you yelp to his roof as soon as you feel teeth nick your inner thigh. At your flinch, you feel him grip your leg with force, ordering you even harsher,

“I said. Don’t move.”

“But—Yoongi!”

You don’t notice him yank your underwear sideways before flattening a hot tongue against your folds, sucking so good you have to back away from the stimulation. Immediately, both your legs are seized before he tugs you back to him.

“Uh uh.”

And he keeps your legs apart before diving deep, and you’ve never devolved into a quivering mess so fast in your goddamn life. The way he licks, sucks, kisses just where you need—everything sends thunder through your chest, lightning across your cunt, rain into your eyes.

You can do nothing but squirm, squeals and whines and high moans leaving arrowheads in his ceiling.

Holy fuck, did you sound this loud when you worshipped him? Even now, spread wide and willing to give Yoongi the world, you find a moment to be embarrassed in the best way.

If the neighbors hear, you don’t care. They’re gonna know how well he’s feasting on you, how gorgeously corrupt you feel. How you’re his and his alone and ready to scream it to the rooftops.

When you feel a finger alongside his tongue, the sound you make borders on inhuman. You think it’s his name, but even you aren’t quite sure.

All you know is that you’re close. Your thighs are burning and your fingers swipe at his locks but he refuses to let you go. “Yoongi—I’m—”

Suddenly.

He stops.

And every nice thing you have to say to him falls to the wayside. “No no no! Please, fuck—”

The light tap to your cunt makes you quiver, and your chest heaves when he chuckles without pity,

“What’d you say?”

“Plea—Baby!”

“Huh?”

Every fucking time you speak, he taps again. And every time he gets you close, he edges with aggravating control. Again. And again.

And again.

You exist between reality and fiction, somehow seeing yourself unwinding, winding, spiraling out of control. Words start to form abstract blobs of syllables, your mouth hanging open as he peppers lazy, unbothered kisses on your thighs.

In your foggy vision, you think you see him stand. And you’re pretty sure he grabs his cock before he’s rubbing his thick head between your folds oh fuck—

“This is what you wanted, huh.”

Your breath hitches with a whine as you nod.

“You gonna be a good little slut?”

Oh, you’re gonna be whatever he fucking wants. So you nod again, not without a smile lopsided.

“Then fucking beg.”

He smacks his cockhead against your cunt, springing your back in an arch and tugging strings of incoherent speech from your depths. You make hard lines of his sheets as you grip them in both palms, and you don’t wanna know what you’re saying because the way Yoongi’s staring with a smirk has you blacking the fuck out.

To the point where you’re nothing but a quivering, shaking, restless mess on his bed.

You somehow closed your eyes at some point, because they fly open when you feel his lips on yours, and you tug at his stupidly attractive shirt that he didn’t bother to pull off. “Please,” you whisper, brain floating oceans away. “I need you.”

“Need you, too.”

He breaks away to grab a condom, and this is when you realize how intertwined you feel because even this distance is too much to bear. You’re spilling nonsense and breathing harsh and you attribute that to the sole fact that you crave release. It’s aching. Consuming.

Yoongi’s already naked and prepped by the time he positions himself between your sore legs, and you give in without resistance again when he descends on your lips.

When you whisper his name, he kisses it away, and you briefly wonder why his hands shake running up your sides.

Finally, finally, finally, he gives exactly what you want, the initial connection stretching you sore because it’s been way too long. And you feel emotional when you don’t even doubt it’s been too long for him, too.

Because his eyes speak volumes.

They hold onto your every move, watch your every reaction, hesitate when you blow out air accommodating his size.

But you lock yours with him when you relax, weakly grasping his jewelry before sliding fingers up his shoulders. When you nod, he pushes in further, both of you sighing in tandem.

And as soon as you whisper you’re ready, all niceties fly out the window.

You’re thrusted up his bed with a determined stroke before he sets a pace, and your head kicks back as soon as a hand captures your neck.

“Look at me,” he commands, and he gives you a light pat on the cheek before squeezing your jaw. “Open up.”

When you do, spit flings from his mouth into yours, and you already sprint to the edge feeling the weight of your heels and the strength of his body. “Fuck!”

You get pat again—rougher this time—before Yoongi goes to choke you a second time. “What do you say?”

“Me?” you pant, tearing the first thought from your throat when he grits it again. “Thank—”

Fuck, his dick is hitting every spot you need it to. It takes you a second to repeat your garbled guess in full, knowing it’s something you would’ve said anyway. “Thank you.”

“Now swallow.”

As soon as he shoves inside, your obedience is your undoing. The skies open to welcome you as your body locks, thighs squeezing his taut sides as he moans through your release. Waves tug you unbelievably far, and you almost lose yourself in the swell before you crash onto shore again.

“Such a whore for me,” Yoongi praises, kicking you back to the very first night and making you melt. When you peel eyelids open, you notice his smile matches yours, and the shared, cherished memory smoothens your gravelly laugh.

“Love when you do that,” you admit, shaking your head at your own strange preferences. “Don’t know why.”

“Me neither.” He spears you again with a cheeky lip bite. “But it’s so fucking hot.”

Your grin can’t be contained, and this is where you wanna be. Right here. Nowhere else in the fucking universe.

“I’m ready,” you pant, and he gives you a brief look of affection—which you shatter with force. “Fuck the shit out of me.”

Yoongi twitches madly inside your core as he expels a pained, breathy laugh. “Goddamn, this isn’t good for me.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” He doesn’t waste a second gathering your calves while you ponder what he says. “Hold these pretty legs up for me. There you go.”

When you find the easiest way to do so, you marvel at how shaky and slippery your thighs are, wondering if the rest of you is faring any better.

It’s not.

But you can’t dwell on that now because Yoongi is holding on like he’ll lose you, resuming a delicious pace and smacking your hips into his with the most indecent sounds.

Your whines soon join in, and his hums of satisfaction fuel your ever going flame. Heaven and earth could move and you would remain here, suspended in time as he fills you perfectly with every fast stroke.

“Feel so good—”

When he leaves your cunt, you mewl before he grunts, “Fucking—Get up.”

What is he—

You’re hoisted upward so quickly that you see starlight, not even registering the clanks and shifts of items before he’s spinning to pin you down on a solid surface. Your heels find purchase on the floor but your knees prove unbelievably weak.

What’s—

Oh fuck, are you on his desk?

Your hands retreat until they find an edge to grab, and you moan outright when you feel his fingers slide up your cunt, shoving your thong farther over one side of your ass.

“Yoongi—”

You feel full in an instant, jaw going slack as he shoves you backwards on his cock, praises washing down your back as he pushes down any arches you instinctively make.

“Uh uh. Stay like that.”

“I wanna—” Your words are cut off with a whine as you feel a sting on your ass. “Fuck!”

“There you go.”

The rock of the desk is so strong that every bang against the wall booms loud, equipment sliding back and forth and making you briefly worry if anything will fall.

But this is the most turned on you’ve ever, ever felt, and you have no fucking clue why.

You wonder if he feels the same right before his dark laugh consumes you.

“Goddamn.”

Your hands are grabbed before he shoves you forward, letting more of your body lie on the surface so that he can pin sweaty arms at your back.

Oh, fuck!

Your moans glide across wood as he doesn’t let up, and you don’t even want to know how much drool will exist on his desk when you’re done. Maybe you’ll never be done. Maybe he really will keep you here forever, and you’ll soak his whole—

“Come here.”

He gathers your wrists in one large palm before reaching to grip your chest, hauling you up and securing you against his body by the throat.

And you think your soul just left your earthly vessel.

Pressing you further into him, he grits in your ear,

“Never fucking kicking you out.” His tight stroke launches you across space. “Don’t even think about saying that again.”

When did you— You said— Why don’t you remember—

You go limp when he shoves into you again, but your heels wobble and you focus damn hard on staying upright.

But Yoongi doesn’t give a shit. “You hear me?” When you let out a breathy confirmation, he still isn’t satisfied. A hand pats your cheek before he asks again, “Say it louder.”

“Yes!”

“Good.”

He drops all talk, pistoning in from behind while you take it and take it and love it. Mercifully, he lets your sore arms go to pin you down again, gritted words and curses dancing with your high-pitched sighs.

Fuck, his strokes are so deep that you see into the next universe, and you don’t think your mouth has been shut ever since you made contact with his desk.

Maybe he was more frustrated than you were. He’s using you as stress relief like you intended, and his roughness is a fantastic surprise.

It’s just what you need. Which kicks you into a whole other level of want and the beast inside you transforms yet again.

When Yoongi yanks himself out, you’re quick to spin and shove him backward. As he flops onto the bed, he laughs like sin incarnate when you pounce, his hot hands grabbing at your hips and encouraging your behavior in the nastiest way.

“Let’s go then, pretty bitch.”

“You already fucking know.”

“Show me what I’ve been missing.”

“Don’t fall in love.”

When you sink onto him, Yoongi’s already groaning. But when you start to swivel at a pace that will render you sore, he begins to lose it.

“Fuck.”

His head kicks back, eyes shut and brows pinched to hell. After holding your waist, he has to slap his sheets to squeeze even tighter, chest marred with red under pretty silver.

You make sure every rotation is full, slowly rocking with each circle you make and gritting teeth at how fucking big he is.

Soon, his hisses devolve into groans, and he snaps his head back up to slap your breasts—one after the other before gripping your hips so hard you welcome the pain.

“Fuck, I missed this pussy,” he confesses with husk, and you whine in response as you lower yourself to kiss him deep.

“It missed you, too.”

Coming back up, you dig one of your hands in his mattress while bracing on him with the other, and you close your eyes in bliss as you arch your tits toward his hungry lips.

Just like you want, he chuckles in satisfaction as he suckles, lolling his tongue all around before giving your nipple a hard suck. His noises remind you of lollipops, and you briefly think of a few fun things you could do with those for next time.

But a hand juts up to seize the back of your neck, forcing you to arch in place as he starts thrusting hard.

“Yoongi!”

“Uh huh.”

Before you can talk again, his other hand joins in to choke you just enough, and you find yourself teetering on a precipice. Holy fuck, holy fuck, you’re close again.

“You gonna come?”

A frantic nod.

“Then come.”

As soon as you hear the words, you do exactly that, windpipe released just as you pulse around him incredibly hard. The waves prove tsunamis, and you dangle from their crests before plummeting and tumbling below. Your moan extends as he thrusts erratically through your quivers, encouraging you and digging rough fingers into your hips.

“Again.”

Somehow, that’s enough to make your body obey, and you cry out as you flutter around his trembling cock, hearing him talk you through it but not quite understanding what he’s saying.

Maybe you also choose not to listen because of what you think you hear, and you don’t want to be haunted if you realize later on what you thought you heard wasn’t true.

The world rotates up as Yoongi sits up, and you sling arms around him as he leans back on his hands. Your breath hitches at the new angle he’s filling you at, and your eyes swirl when he coolly, confidently commands,

“Again.”

You can’t you can’t you can’t but you can. Holy fuck apparently you can, and this time, it consumes you so hard your eyes roll back enough to see the past. Past you, insecure and meek and scared to say what they want.

Oh, if they could witness you now.

You shudder impossibly hard around him, coated with his deep chuckles and dashing, ego-ridden grin. It’s all you see before you slump against his chest, heartbeat pounding against yours when you can’t feel any bone in your body.

One breath.

Two breaths.

Two hearts.

One night is enough.

“So fucking perfect.”

“For you,” you wisp out, lost in galaxies. “Only you.”

He can only kiss the side of your head in response, gently lowering you both onto spent cotton and helping you straighten out your muscle-locked legs. When he asks if you’re okay, you can only nod, and he plants another kiss on your temple before sliding off his protection.

Both of you take time to calm down, breaths heavy from what felt like a marathon. But a much better marathon than the one you’ve had to endure over the last three months.

When you lie against his chest, you silently thank him for giving you tonight. It’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done with him, but you won’t worry about it. Not right now. Not when you feel more at home here than your own house.

Your brother is right. Something is definitely missing over there.

It’s when your pants have relaxed into soft breaths that you nudge your head against Yoongi’s chest, eyes shut in peace as he lazily draws circles on your back.

And the first words he says in minutes inject sparkles into your eyes,

“I need to re-up this damn cat’s food.”

Oh, shit!

Your outright squeal is surely coming out too loud but you don’t care. Don’t care don’t care don’t care not when Yoongi just gave away so many different things.

This man leaned right into the whole thing.

“I knew it!” You proclaim in triumph, smacking his thigh while hearing a very elongated ‘shut up’ at your side. “Tried to hide it from me all these months? Somebody’s getting soft.”

“First off.”

“Uh huh.”

God. If only you both could go on one of those late night shopping trips he talked about before. Maybe you could’ve gotten plenty of things. Like some little cat toys, or extra storage cabinets for your clothes.

Yeah. Stuff like that.

“I’m her favorite.”

Your scoff is immediate as you hoist yourself up, leaning on your hand and regretting the burn in your arm. “Only because you gatekeeped her.”

A soft disagreement precedes a more prominent, “Won’t even matter.”

Yoongi looks so at peace when you stare, and your voice calms to match as it floats down, “You took care of her.”

When he only smiles, you decide that this is how you want him to be all the time. Content and outright glowing, fireflies dancing in his eyes.

Does he feel at home, too?

“She was gonna be your surprise,” he finally murmurs. “For getting the gig.”

Heart and tear ducts full, you lower yourself to tenderly press lips to his. And, since it seems to work for you, his forehead is what you decide to kiss next.

Then you pull away.

Wondering why he’s not smiling anymore.

“Come here.”

You blink, lying back down to snuggle against his side. When his arm wraps around your shoulder, it's only then that you’re aware you still have shoes on. A clean person, you hope Yoongi doesn’t mind them touching his sheets.

But maybe it’s a tad too late for that concern.

“How are you gonna get home?”

Oh, right. You use his chest to scratch an itch in your nose before responding, “I’ll call a ride in the morning. He’ll be out cold until noon at the earliest.”

“K.”

“Did I keep you from anything?”

A puff flies out his nostrils. “Kinda late for that, huh.”

“True,” you sigh, berating yourself for thinking a lot of things too late. “Sorry.”

“But no, we were finishing up when I called.”

“Okay… Did I scare you?” You lift your eyes then, because you need to know for sure.

When he levels a look, you curse at his quiet confirmation. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

“S’ok.”

“I just… It hurt tonight.” Emotion washes over your face before you bury it. “Really hurt.”

After a light squeeze, Yoongi gently rolls you over, resting his head exactly where your hand clutches your chest. When you move your fingers, he kisses that same spot, and your heart stops. “How about now.”

Feeling the deepest pain you’ve ever felt in your life, you cradle his head with a whisper,

“Maybe try that one more time.”

And he does, not looking at your tears as he sits up to peer down the bed.

When he scoots down to the edge, your breath catches as he holds a heel in sure hands, his back beautiful even with the scars. While he works through leather straps, he starts to speak,

“I always do, babe.”

Blinking, you ask what he means as he slips your shoe off with ease.

“Miss you.”

As he tenderly holds the other, you gulp in oxygen to quell the sear around your eyes. “I just… Wasn’t sure,” you admit, voice wavering.

His hair falls forward when he sighs, and his palms feel way too relaxing to just be taking your heels off. Even now, it feels like he’s revering you. And you truly don’t know how you deserve any of this.

“That’s my fault.”

Throat small, you’re swift to reassure him. “No, no. I need to just suck it up. I’m sorry.”

After freeing your other foot, he rubs it without prompt, and you don’t know how to deal with someone giving you this level of care.

“Just a little bit longer, doll,” he says, and you admire his profile when he turns. “I’m sorry.”

“You gave me tonight.”

When he swallows, you reassure him with all the support you can give,

“A little longer is nothing.”

A moment passes by before he finally moves, and you catch a hint of a smile right before he faces his disheveled to hell desk again.

Deciding that conversation has concluded, you crack the atmosphere with a joke, “You liked whatever happened over there, huh.”

Immediately, Yoongi’s shoulders bob with a laugh before he admits, “Fucking you on my desk? I’ve wanted to do that for months.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He leans forward. “There’s a lot of shit I’ve wanted us to do for months.”

Us.

Thoroughly giddy and full of life again, you egg him on. “Oh? Like what?”

Finally, he looks over his shoulder with a grin, and you scoff in frustration at his answer,

“What’s the fun in telling you?”

“Ass!”

While you’re getting ready to shower, he leans against the doorframe of his bathroom.

“We have a game next week.”

As you fetch a towel from his cabinet, you clarify, “The championship, right?”

“Mmhmm.”

“I’ll be there,” you confirm, walking away to slip the thick cloth over its rack. “I can’t believe it’s still going.”

“Same. But there’ve been a lot of delays, remember?”

“Oh, yeah.” Your hand feels out the water, satisfied with its temperature. “I meant your win streak but whatever.”

And you squeal when he rushes forward, shutting the glass with a wobbly thud before he can get to you. When you stick out a childish tongue, you laugh under the spray, curve slowly, curiously, softly fading when he simply keeps staring.

What’s he doing?

You don’t move as he slowly slides the entrance open again, and you don’t dare breathe as he leans inside to kiss your wet lips.

When you tenderly take one of his wrists and pull, he obliges without hesitation, and you take another shower with the man that sets fireworks off in your soul.

An hour later, filled with food and laughter—and slight disappointment when you couldn’t find your surprise near his door—you occupy his bed with full bellies and fresh minds.

As he lies on your chest, you think this is better, because it gives you time to think about things. And tell him about others.

You finally tell him what all happened with Jungkook, to which he listens without a single word. When you can’t seem to shut up about your job, he doesn’t stop you, and you adore the way he cuddles you under faint moonlight cutting through his window.

“Oh, wait,” you stop, feeling like you’ve talked his head off by now. “What did you call about?”

“Huh? Tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“We finally have a confirmed date. For that album,” Yoongi rumbles against the shirt he let you borrow. “I was gonna invite you to the release party.”

Whoa, what the fuck? “Me?”

He chuckles soft, and you wonder if he can guess how shocked you look. “Yes, you. All of y’all.”

At least it’s everyone. But at the same time, you still hesitate. “That won’t be weird?”

“Nah. You can bring anyone you want, so. I was assuming you’d bring your friends.”

“Ah, I see.”

You didn’t mean to sound disappointed. You truly aren’t. But Yoongi pushes up to comfort you anyway, planting kisses along your skin, your neck, and finally your lips.

“It won’t be the only one,” he promises. “We got time.”

“Duh,” you giggle. “And I’ll be at all of them. Whether you like it or not.”

Yoongi regards you before laying his weight back on your chest. And you find it strange how familiar his body already feels. How you’re already attuned to every way his legs fit against your own, or how you would know it’s him solely based on how his chest molds with yours.

You start mindlessly caressing his hair, fingers weaving through a dark sea of strands before smoothing over its surface.

And you start to hum.

It’s not really any song, just notes you start stringing together at random. You build up before you dip back down, staying in a comfortable middle range and dancing between similar tones.

You stop from time to time, trying to figure out what would sound best next and changing up the cadence. Always coming back to a central theme because it’s what you deem best.

And you’re so comfortable that you completely forgot he’s lying right under your chin.

“Shit, was I too loud?”

He just shakes his head, arm pressing a bit more into your side.

“Not at all.”

So you keep going, humming more familiar tunes and phrases, softly giggling when Yoongi huffs at the way you drum on his head.

And that’s how the night goes on, with you at peace and him in your embrace.

Never noticing how the shirt you're wearing collects rain.

When dawn breaks, you part with one final, heavenly kiss.

Yoongi watches until you get in the ride he politely called for you, and you spend the whole drive with eyes filled with light.

You can do this. Just a little longer, he said.

For him, you can do anything.

But when you get home, your brother occupies the foyer as soon as you open the front door.

And you feel the world shatter and crash at your feet.

“I think,” he states, “There’s something you wanna tell me.”

—

tbc. :)

—

a ha ha... what do we think/like! | wanna support with a 🍊?

A/N: i’m so swirly-eyed that i don’t even know what to say here other than i’m sorry for throwing that ending at y’all! busted pt. 2 is gonna be its own huge part at this point so i had no choice but to end it here (originally it was gonna end before they went back to yoongi’s but i love y’all too much dlkfjdsklf) A/N 2: gonna say this again: enormous thank you to everyone supporting this whole journey, whether that’s liking/commenting/reblogging/messaging, recommending this series to people, telling me how it makes you feel or what it means to you, or even wanting a physical copy of the series like😭 that’s surreal to me and makes me wanna keep working harder. A/N 3: as far as feedback, i would absolutely love any type y’all wanna give. this chapter took all of my brainpower and the next one is gonna take just as much haahahahdksfks so any encouragement would be wonderful! ++ feedback box: ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a comment dropbox :D feedback can be as short/sweet or as long as you’d like! ⇥ here! ++ more links: ⇥ three tangerines masterlist ⇥ masterlist

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strwbrryeyes · 5 months

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𖦹°｡⋆ haikyuu boys as my breakup playlist pt.3

⟡ featuring: hinata, semi, iwaizumi, kenma

⟡ cw: angst, mentions of cheating, heart broken hinata my baby, these also might be longer than the last two whoops. also can you tell i was angry while writing kenma's? ps thank you for 200 followers mwah<3

⟡ an: its that time again (waterparks ((fandom)) edition bc im obsessed)

⟡ part one, part two

⟡ hinata shoyo: never bloom again - waterparks

You and Hinata dated for four years from your first year of high school to your first year of university. Honestly, it could have been a lifelong relationship if it weren’t for Brazil. Hinata told you he was leaving the week after graduation. After telling you, you cried and yelled at him, pounding at his chest while crying ‘how could you do this to me?’ in between sobs but after a while, you had calmed down and you agreed to try a long distance relationship. Hinata visited you whenever he could, holidays, your birthdays, any reason to see you but it wasn’t enough for you. Hinata would always be everything to you but you couldn’t bear the fact that he was so far away, and sure you both called and texted each other but the time difference between Brazil and Japan made it difficult and Hinata could see it in your eyes whenever he visited, whenever you sent him a picture of yourself, whenever you facetimed…you were tired. It got to the point where you would cry yourself to sleep almost every night because you missed him and just wanted to be by his side, so with so much hesitation, you called him one night and told Hinata you couldn’t do this anymore. You needed him, not his texts, not his calls, no matter how much you loved them, you needed him physically there with you. Hinata protested and said that he wold move back to Japan for you but you couldn’t let him do that, you knew how important it was for him to be in Brazil to better his volleyball skills, so he finally gave in and you broke up after a year of long distance. Another year later, Hinata moved back to Japan after two years of being in Brazil, meaning he could see you again, he hoped so at least. Hinata didn’t know what you’ve been up to as you broke off communication with each other after the break up to avoid the pain of being in eachother’s lives. Hinata had his hopes up and was telling Yachi and Yamaguchi his plan to win you back but quickly had them crushed when they told him you had moved to Europe to finish university so you could start a new life. You didn’t want to be in Japan anymore, stuck with all the memories the both of you had made. It was too painful. Now it was Hinata’s turn. He was surrounded by the memories, everything reminded him of you, every now and then he’d see someone from across the street and see your face only for it to not be you, just some stranger. Hinata was never the same, even if he seemed happy and well, he was breaking inside constantly like he would never be truly happy again.

⟡ eita semi: worst - waterparks

You and Semi have been dating since middle school, practically inseparable. you and Semi were both in your 20s now and life has not stopped a single bit. The both of you were currently in the music industry, with Semi and his band being one of the biggest groups rising to stardom in the world and with you being a songwriter. You’ve always been a behind-the-scenes type person so you never really went out to parties or to big events. Semi, however, was a social person…at least on the party scene. It was a chance for him to let loose and not let worries get in his way, and who are you to take that away from him? The trust you and Semi had for eachother was strong, after all, you guys have been dating for years so why wouldn’t you? With this being the case, you never had any doubt about him going on tour without you. You still had other clients to write for so you couldn’t go with him but you never once worried about what he would do. That was until you were hanging out with your friends, Tendou and Ushijima, and they mentioned how Semi seemed different, that he seemed more careless and emotionless. You assured them that there was nothing different about him but when you went home that night you kept thinking about everything and looked back at how life has been since Semi has gained fame…he hadn’t changed. No. He was still the same Semi you fell in love with all those years ago. Sure he had questionable friends that made you uncomfortable, but he wasn’t like them, he always had girls lining up for a chance with him but he never gave them a chance…at least you think so. Regardless, you’re sure everything was fine and plus you were going to surprise him at his show in Tokyo! Any worry that you have will be wiped away when you see him all you had to do was wait. So you did. The day of the Tokyo show finally came up and you were standing at his dressing room doorway with tears in your eyes as you look at the sight in front of you- Semi and some random girl all over each other. Semi knew you were there, but he didn’t even care, all he did was give you a side glance before going back to the other girl. After that, you went home and changed all of the locks, removed all the pictures of him, blocked him on everything, and wrote a song that was sure to ruin his reputation out of anger, but even after all of that, you were still stuck with a giant hole in your heart and you don’t think it could ever be filled.

⟡ iwaizumi hajime: i felt younger when we met - waterparks

It all started four years ago when Iwaizumi moved to California for college. You both had known each other for 2 years prior to graduating and it was pretty obvious to other people that you two had a thing for each other but it wasn’t until after he had moved that either of you said something. Iwaizumi was the first to say he liked you, infact he said he loved you. It didn’t take long for your young and dumb self to transfer to where he was studying. You were both in love and naive so neither of you really thought about this big change in depth. The first two years of your relationship were perfect, you both got good grades, you had moved into a small apartment together, and you were both happy, you really couldn’t ask for more. Even though you and Iwaizumi were living the ideal love life, everyone else in your lives thought you guys rushed into things. The two of you weren’t even that close to begin with, you were just classmates in high school who had kiddie crushes on each other. It really all came down to the honeymoon phase, nothing was ever wrong and you never argued. It wasn’t until your third year of dating that you both realized that your life goals were very different from each other and this of course caused a ripple in your relationship. Wanting to be supportive of each other and your dreams, you set your goals aside for now and planned to come up with a compromise when the time called for it. Things were kind of back to normal until you both started learning more about one another. Bad habits you each had, sense of humor you didn’t share, different views, really whatever you could think of you both would disagree with one another and you were starting to get on eachother’s nerves. Iwaizumi reached the end of his rope quicker than you did. He ended things in the middle of a heated argument of something you can’t even remember because the only thing you were worried about at that moment was him packing up all of his things and walking out that apartment door but at the same time, you didn’t care. You had officially fallen out of love with him even though you never thought you could. Now whenever you think of him, all you could think about was how you uprooted your life for him. You moved across the world and for what? Nothing but anger and disgust filled you whenever you thought of all the moments you shared with him. To think of how different everything could have been if you two had just taken your time and not rushed into the relationship.

⟡ kozume kenma: easy to hate you - waterparks

Honestly, Kenma got on your nerves quite often. It was nothing you weren’t used to though because it was always simple things like him not doing the dishes whenever he was done eating or him spending too much time playing video games. Your annoyance never came from anything serious, just simple relationship stuff. When his streaming career started taking off, you never really bothered him to do anything around your shared house. It was only fair since it generated enough income for you to quit your part time job as a waitress and focus on school more. This doesn’t mean that it still didn’t annoy you that Kenma would seemingly spend more time playing video games than spending time with you whenever you had free time. Sometimes he would invite you onto stream so you two could ‘bond’ but it never felt right, to you it felt like you were more of a prop for his audience, like he would spend time with you only because his fansloved watching the two of you interact. Still, you brushed it off because it was still nice to be able to make him laugh whenever you did something silly in a game or said something funny. It also didn’t hurt that sometimes he would get all lovey dovey on camera making you swoon, even if it did feel fake at times. In the end, you thought it was the best you and Kenma could do considering the circumstances, you being in college and streaming being Kenma’s full time job. Kenma had promised you that once you winter break started, that he would put a hold on streaming so the both of you could spend time together and it excited you so it was only natural that you were pissed off when winter break finally came and Kenma said that he had sponsorships to deal with on stream. He said it isn’t something that could be helped but you snapped back saying that he could have scheduled these sponsored streams during any other time. Kenma didn’t care about what you said and just stayed in his streaming room for most of the two weeks. You started to ease a bit though once he started streaming for shorter amounts of times and spent more time with you during the day. You were finally happy with your relationship after who knows how long but then he decided that you being on a break from school would be the perfect time to do a 48 hour subathon. All you wanted was to spend time with your boyfriend but instead he just used you to gain more viewers. Again. Still, you agreed to do it agreeing that it would be fun but really yo had a plan. Three hours into the stream you said you have an announcement and everyone, including Kenma thought it would be something happy and big, but really, you were about to publicly dump him. After your little speech on how selfish Kenma actually was, you called one of your best friends to come pick you up and told Kenma that you would be back for your stuff the next day. You were finally free from the one-sided relationship you should have left sooner but now Kenma was rethinking all his choices as he scrolls through tweets talking about the breakup stream. At least it made him go viral.

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hiiragi7 · 2 months

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Purple and Yellow-Colored Transness - An Intersex Trans View of Transition

It is strongly my opinion that an intersex lens is fundamentally necessary to understand transness, as much as race, disability, class, & culture is.

Yet, much of the time, when intersex is applied to transness it is used as a fetishization - and use without consent of the used is abuse. (Audre Lorde, Uses of the Erotic)

Our perisex trans siblings so often use us as a tool for pornography, as an object to shove insecurities and pain and desire onto, as a temporary escape from dysphoria and thought, as an imagined excuse to supposedly avoid oppression. Afterwards, we are discarded, much like an object that has fulfilled its purpose.

Intersex people do not exist for the purpose of abuse, incestual or otherwise. Intersex is power, intersex is love, intersex is experience.

As a group so deeply harmed and betrayed by our perisex trans siblings, it is no wonder why so many of us reject any lens which suggests there is intersexuality to be found in transness - I doubt that many of us have ever seen what it may look like outside of as an abuse of our bodies, our identities.

And yet, I cannot help but feel that there is an inherent intersexness to be found in transness. Rather than rejecting this, erasing this, I feel it is absolutely necessary to embrace without conflating or fetishizing this. This is not to say, however, that we are one in the same; in fact, within our differences is where I find a lot of our power lies. It is our ability to share experiences without using one another which is vital.

I struggle with this feeling, knowing so much more work must be done, knowing it cannot be fully expressed yet.

When my trans sibling is excited over newly developing traits we now both share, I would love to partake in that joy not only as trans joy but a joy of intersex traits as well. When sex characteristics I have been shamed for my entire life for having naturally becomes something which another person not only seeks out but actively falls in love with as it happens, is this truly only trans love? Is it not also an intersex love?

And yet, at the same time, I find myself choosing my words carefully; I fear they will be stolen from me, used as a weapon against myself and my community. We are still made so fetishized, so invisible, so abused, even amongst siblings. Because of this, I fear the answer to my question is that we are not yet at a point where trans love is an intersex love, but rather what I am seeing is a trans love of traits detached from any intersexuality at all. Even in cases where our bodies may look so similar, you don't see all of me - You only know me as trans, never intersex. You only know my variant sex characteristics as something possible through transition or pornography, and have erased any mention of me in them.

I see my trans self reflected in my intersex self, and my intersex self reflected in my trans self. My body no longer produces its own hormones; I get mine from a clinic that provides gender affirming care for trans people, the same place where just two days ago I had to spend time educating a nurse who learned the word intersex for the first time that day because of me. The surgeries which I both have gotten and will get in the future are both as trans as they are intersex. The letters from my doctors to appease insurance say I am transitioning and that this is a requirement for treatment of gender dysphoria, some of my medical papers say I am intersex and seeking a urethral reconstruction. Both of these hold truth to them.

There are intersex people and trans people who share scars in the exact same places, from procedures which were similar, but were done for different reasons. One grieves where the other celebrates. One tells a story of their identity being stolen from them, one tells a story of finally being able to be themselves. In some cases, both of these are the same people at different points in time in their life.

#intersex #intersexism #lgbt #lgbtqia #trans #transgender #queer #lgbtq

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phoenixkaptain · 7 months

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I just want to say that the repeated mentions of Tim being like Bruce - Dick telling Tim that “you’re more like Bruce than I ever was” and even things as small as the other members of Young Justice assuming that Batman is literally Robin’s dad - mean so much to me because like-

Tim is so similar to Bruce. They are both rich kids, only childs, people like them but they never let anyone truly know them. Tim’s deductive ability is so often likened to Bruce’s, and even his combat prowess or leadership skills are more often compared to Bruce’s than Jason’s or Dick’s. Despite being Robin, and the third one at that, Tim really takes being the Batman of the group to an entirely new level with just how much he really is like Batman.

And that’s why they work so well together! Tim and Bruce are so similar, but they’re fundamentally different! Bruce is afraid to get hurt again, afraid to feel connections to other people, afraid of revealing his emotional vulnerability. Tim is afraid of disappointing people, afraid to fail to rise to the standards other people set for him, afraid of revealing that he isn’t as calm as he appears on the outside. Bruce and Tim both begin fighting crime out of love, a love so strong that it would lead either of them to give up their lives for that love, but Bruce does so out of a love for Gotham City and his parents and the legacy they represent to him while Tim does so out of a love for Gotham City and Robin and Batman.

Their partnership is built on their similarities, but it’s improved by their differences. Tim is softer than Bruce. He wants to trust people, he doesn’t enjoy making lists of ways to kill all of his friends. He tries to talk, to draw things out, to banter, while Bruce is more straightforward. Which, honestly, being more subtle than Bruce is a talent in its own right, ngl

Tim is described a lot as the perfect Robin. And, I can’t help but feel like yeah, he is. The writers really made this character perfect for Bruce specifically. Tim is a person who understands what Bruce wants him to do, even if he doesn’t always understand why. Tim cares about Bruce, both Bruce Wayne and Batman, and that care knocks down a lot of Bruce’s walls. Tim wants to fight crime with his friends and enjoy himself, but he also has his main goal which is to protect Bruce, especially from Bruce himself.

And it’s a two-way street. Bruce knows Tim so well. Like, I can’t even begin to describe how well Bruce can read Tim. He can tell that Tim’s care is sincere, and he wants to reciprocate that care. He trusts Tim, on such a deep, foundational level, and he trusts that if Tim lies to him, then Tim has a balid reason for doing so. He’s protective of Tim, even more than Tim is protective of him (for obvious reasons), but he’s also proud of Tim. He’s proud of how Tim can work with people and how Tim can handle his own and how Tim can solve cases.

Bruce and Tim are such a dynamic duo, literally. The understanding they have of each other is amazing. The trust they have in each other. The care. Bruce treats Tim like his son, and Tim honestly treats Bruce like his dad, even while Tim’s birth dad is still alive. These two are great together, they work so well together, they fit each other almost perfectly because Tim was literally made to be perfectly suited for Batman.

And, of course, there is an obsession there. Tim’s obsession with Batman runs deep. He would almost certainly make a great Batman, no matter how you look at it, because he has moments where he reaches that ability to be threatening. Of the times I know that he played Batman, he didn’t do a bad job. He’s intimidating and frightening and he manages to have his cape pulled around himself so he’s just a shape, just like Bruce does, and that’s mostly because he also literally does that same thing as Robin. Tim prefers to be Robin, because he prefers to be partnered with someone else.

(To be completely honest, I think Tim’s first choice of who he would want to be paired with at any given moment is almost certainly Dick. Dude loves that guy. I haven’t seen if Batman Dick and Robin Tim interact in those respective roles, but Tim is almost equally made to be Nightwing’s Robin. Bruce is his second choice though, definitely.)

I have to assume the obsession goes both ways, because the story is a lot more interesting if it does. Bruce is protective of Tim, even as he trusts Tim with the fate of the entire planet. His protectiveness of Tim is funny, actually, because he doesn’t mind Tim fighting gods but he does mind Tim showing the other members of Young Justice his face. (I mean, I get that one of the members is named Impulse, but Bart himself said that Batman gave him that name, so I feel like Bruce bringing it up as a detractor is just a bit hypocritical)

All the times we see Batman with Tim in the Young Justice run, Batman is pretty chill. Like, during the Sins of Youth storyline, when Bruce is Robin and Tim is Batman, Bruce seems totally cool with it. He doesn’t seem worried about Tim messing up. His comments on Tim talking to much read more to me as banter than actual criticisms. Bruce trusts Tim to be Batman, and I find that both sweet and a bit funny for a variety of reasons.

We see Batman get mad when Arrowette says the Justice League doesn’t understand any of the Young Justice members, although even then he just glares at her, he doesn’t say anything. Bruce is like “Yes, I know I don’t understand the majority of human interaction, what of it?” Batman doesn’t say much during that whole comic, actually? Like, he shows up with the rest of the Justice League and he taunts Tim (literally like someone taunting a child pfft) but he doesn’t actually seem to think they won’t pull through? He makes a quip about them being late getting back, but it doesn’t go anywhere, it was him teasing Robin, why was he even here?

(I like to think he kind of hoped Young Justice would disban so he could take Tim back. He obviously wants Tim around, he implies as much in the World Without Grownups arc, and he obviously enjoys Tim’s company, he seems to genuinely enjoy fighting crime with Tim, even when their roles are switched, and he lets Tim talk to Oracle all the time (he definitely could have cut that connection off if he really wanted to make it difficult for Tim during that whole bet thing) Like, Bruce believes that Tim is capable, I think he’s like Wonder Woman and thinks that the others (coughImpulseandSuperboycough) are bad influences. He is taking his boy wonder and leaving to get him good influences, like Nightwi- oh, wait, no, yeah, let’s let him hang out with Impulse and Superboy-)

This turned into a ramble about Young Justice, but I can’t help it!!! I really, REALLY wish that Batman had gone to the parent-teacher conference. Like, Nightwing showing up was wonderful on so many levels, but can you imagine?? Batman?? Dealing with Bonnie King-Jones??? Like, I think if he ever met her he would break the no-killing rule, full-stop, no hesitation. I want to know how the parent-teacher conference would have gone if Batman was there. I think it would have been mostly awkward silence while Batman lurked in the shadows and Red Tornado didn’t understand why everyone was so nervous, like, it’s just talking about what time he should feed their kids, why are you guys sweating-?

I love Tim and Bruce’s relationship. They’re so codependent. I don’t know if Bruce could ever not hold the next Robins up to Tim’s standard. Like, Damian trying to kill Tim makes a lot of sense if you look at it as Damian viewing the situation as “there only needs to be one Robin, and if there is a Tim to be compared to, I will lose.” Dick and Jason were great as Robin, but neither of them were Robin during the period of time in the nineties and early 2000s where Batman got a lot edgier and needed an edgier boy to be Robin. Dick was perfect for the 50s through to at least the 70s, and Jason was probably just fine too (still haven’t read Jason comics hrnng) but Tim fits Bruce perfectly because he was made for the more modern vision of Batman as a character.

Tim is a dweeb and a nerd, just like Dick before him, do not think that he isn’t, but he really works as a balance for Bruce. He was introduced to be that equilibrium, and he fulfills that role.

Tim and Bruce work so well together because they’re just on slightly different sides of a spectrum. They’re so close to being too similar, but they’re dissimilar enough that reading their dynamic is engaging and interesting. Tim really just is the Robin I understand people mistaking for Bruce’s blood kid, y’know? Before Damian, I mean. I feel like the Justice League members met Tim and went “whoa, shit, Batman knocked someone up, holy-“ The Young Justice members continuously genuinelybelieve that Batman is Robin’s dad (which makes it a lot funnier, because if he was Tim’s dad, Tim would essentially be saying: “my dad made me do this and won’t let me do this and to make things worse, my DAD moved us out!” Like, why would he just randomly mention who the subject of the conversation was again at such a pointed time? I understand that Superboy and Bart were not paying attention to him, but it’s just really funny to think that Tim would talk in such a strange way?) I like to think that Dick does not help matters, and instead goes out of his way to worsen them, because Dick is always the one telling Tim that he’s doing great and that he’s so similar to Bruce (he means it as a compliment, like Tim isn’t making the mistakes he thinks he’s making because he, just like Batman, just is unlikely to make mistakes) so I think Dick definitely tells his friends that Robin is Batman’s kid because it’s funny-

And this has gone from rambling about Young Justice to writing fanfiction mid-post, I should really stop while I’m ahead.

All in all, to sum it up, TLDR: Tim was made to be the best Robin specifically for Bruce as Batman. That’s why they work in harmony, but are ultimately entirely different instruments.

#the inane ramblings of a madman #long post #really long post #dc #batman #bruce wayne #tim drake #robin #dick grayson #young justice #90s young justice #can you guys tell i’ve been rereading yj?#can you guys tell i’ve been thinking about batman?#because i gotta tell you #i’ve been rereading yj and i have been thinking about batman #tim and bruce are so great together #like they just fit together so well #they are absolutely obsessed with each other #i can’t even begin to list all the times bruce reads tim like a book #and i totally believe that they have each other’s schedules memorized #i sincerely doubt tim ever actually stopped collecting his batman photos #they jive so well #and the best part #is that it’s completely platonically #these two are practically soulmates #the very definition of platonic soulmates really #they’re perfect i love them

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theincognitomoth · 2 months

Text

Wild Side

Pairing: Mr. Wolf x Fem!Reader (Stablished relationship)

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 5731

Warnings: Rough sex, mild language, bitting, scratch,ing knotting, praise kink, male!dom, fem!sub, first person POV.

Sinopsys: During a mission gone wrong, Mr. Wolf goes on a wild frenzy and ends up hurting his girlfriend. Out of guilt, he isolates himself in a dirty apartment, all the while his sweetheart is determined to prove he has nothing to feel Sorry for.

Since the Night Howlers' incident, Wolf refused to come out of his room. He also refused to let anyone else in, except for Snake, and he refused, above all else, to see me- And that stung far more than the bite mark shaped like his teeth in my forearm as I applied the flower scented infection cream.

Three months ago Diane came with a mission for us. It was simple at first: find a couple of missing citizens. But soon the conspiracy web spiraled so further down that mind controlled guinea pigs and a butt shaped meteorite sounded sane in the same sentence.

Those people were targets of a cult- The Naturalists, they called themselves. They believed that the root of suffering came from the modern world. A normal group with this belief might have organized a hike or camping trip but, crazy bastards that they were, thought themselves justified to take people off the streets and inject them with a brain altering drug: The Night Howlers.

That cursed little purple capsule was the reason my boyfriend refused to see me, even after two weeks of the case closed.

During a chase he was shot with the substance. Even now my stomach ran cold when I remembered the look in his eyes- Desperate at first, and then feral mindlessness. He chased me prey, my heart pounded in my ears, all my blood going to my legs telling me to run, run, run. It was still a blurry memory, the way his fangs buried on my skin. It was sheer luck that saved me that day, and I dreaded imagining the other outcome. But whatever horrors my mind came up with, I knew Wolf's was much worse, leaving him to rot in his little den of misery.

With a heavy sigh, I put on my clothes and marched out of the apartment, standing in front of Wolf's door yet again.

“Moe?” I knocked and waited for a response that never came.

This everlasting silence would drive me mad.

“I know you can't- won't see me right now, but could you at least say something so I know you're not dead and rotting on the other side of that damn door?”

My words were harsh, I knew, and the corridor echoes made sure to slap me in the face with them. For his sake I kept those words in. I knew he was suffering, I tried to be patient, but the sting with each day of deathly silence left a bitter taste in my mouth and I had to let it out before it made me sick.

“I'm getting tired of this- I know you feel bad for what happened, but I swear, I'd rather get bitten again than for you to play dead. Please…”

I was certain my plea would fall on deaf ears until the door locks creaked. My heart was beating in my ears like drums, my eyes burnt from not blinking. The door opened to reveal a dark room, cold and smelling like an old pantry. Snake stood on the other side, looking at me with a frown deeper than normal. He was much better at hiding his worry than me.

“Go easy on him,” He said, slipping out of the door and holding it open.

“Is it too bad?” I whispered.

“Would be easier if he wasn't such a drama queen.”

I forced out a chuckle.

“Thanks.”

“Don't mention it, just… Get him out of that damn apartment.”

A difficult mission, one I didn't know if I was up to, yet had to grab this precious small chance.

I walked into Wolf's apartment and closed the door behind me.

Some people prefer winter nights over nice summer days, but the state of his apartment was absurd. I adjusted my sleeves to cover my hands as the AC turned a city apart into a tundra, its blue glowing numbers being the only light source letting me see broad shapes. Wolf sat in the corner of the couch, wrapped around an old blanket with his face hidden in it. How much time did he spent day after day like this?

One of many food packages scrunching under my foot as I made my way towards him. His ears perked up for a second before laying flat against his head again.

“Moe…” He flinched.

I sat on the couch, arms length from him.

“Can you look at me?” The knots in my chest tightened further as the seconds stretched without a response. “... I miss you.”

Finally, thank Heavens, finally he looked up at me, those big sad eyes resembling an abandoned puppy. He stared for a short while, before sifting his focus to my forearm, covered by the long sleeve.

“Does it still hurt?” He asked, voice quiet.

“No.”

“Did you get an infection?”

“I didn't.”

“Scar?”

“None.”

“Good.” He let out a shaky breath. “I've missed you too.”

There was a glimmer of the ‘him’ from before the incident when he smiled at me- My old Moe. But I blinked and it was gone. I reached for his hands into the blanket cocoon, but he winched away, covering it up with a chuckle.

“I haven't trimmed my claws in a while.”

“Since when do you trim them?”

“I- uh, started recently.”

“Moe…”

He shook his head, leaning further away from me with a frown.

“Stop. Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

He struggled to find words. I knew that angry look, but it wasn't aimed at anyone.

“Like you're the one who hurt me and not the other way around.”

When he stood up, so did I, keeping a distance as I followed him to the kitchen, littered with full trash bags that didn’t smell, for they were full of plastic packages and cans instead of real food.

“Come on, it wasn't your fault.”

“Yeah, there are blood stains on my shirt that say otherwise.”

He grabbed a kettle and put it on the stove to boil and took one cup of instant noodles from the almost empty cabinet. Shrimp flavored, Moe's least favorite.

“You weren't in control, they shot you with a Night Howler.”

“And I went after you instead of the cultist, how do you explain that?”

Over the weeks, that question plagued me too and I came up with a few theories. Maybe he chose to chase something that smelled familiar, or his animal brain saw me as easier prey, since the cultist was bigger. Whichever reason, not a part of me believed he acted from malice.

“Look, you don't need to try and justify or rationalize what happened there. I don't blame you one bit.”

“You should.” He spoke through gritted teeth.

I tried to remain level headed, but I didn't know what else to say to make him see reason.

“Why? Why the hell are you so angry with yourself when it was the crazy cultist that drugged you?”

“Because I liked it!”

The kettle whistle was the only sound in the room as I was left speechless, mouth agape and dry. I only realized how tense my shoulders were when they dropped heavy on my sides.

“...What?”

Wolf let out a deep sigh, turning off the stove and leaning against the counter. He wasn't looking at me.

“I liked it- not hurting you, not ever. But when that guy shot me with the Night Howler…” He rubbed the spot on his neck where the drug hit him. “It was like- like I had been wearing a tie squeezing my neck the whole time and the Night Howler cut it loose.”

His eyes sparkled with something familiar, that same shine from when he went through a heist plan or talked about a new driving maneuver he pulled. But as soon as that spark came, he met my eyes and it was gone.

“You can't be serious,” I shook my head. “Did you actually buy into that naturalist looney's idea?”

“It's not- look, I'm not saying I want to run around like a rabies crazed dog.”

“I sure hope so.”

It wasn’t the answer he hoped for, I knew, but it wasn’t what I expected him to say either. Something about those eyes begged for me to understand. For all that it’s worth it, I tried.

Wolf took a moment, pouring the hot water on his noodles.

“Wish I could explain it better. I haven't been able to sleep right after what I did to you, but at the same time, when I close my eyes and remember the way it felt to run around without a thought in my head, it was… free, and real and…”

“Wild?”

He opened the lid of his instant noodles with a small chuckle, poking at the shrimp pieces with a plastic fork.

“Yeah, wild.” He took a sniff of the thing, face twisting in disgust, then put it down on the sink.

Silence weighed on the apartment while I tried to make sense of his words. The way he spoke wasn't much different from those cultists and I couldn't use the excuse of indoctrination on him. The great leaders didn't talk Moe into buying their idea, he felt it on his skin, so much so that even the bite incident didn't stop him from missing that brief moment of brain off wildness.

Maybe the naturalists weren't so off.

“Would you do it again?”

“The night howler? Nah, too risky.”

“But you miss the feeling.”

It wasn't a question, and the way he lowered his ears showed he knew it. I tried to relate in a way, imagining what it would be like if I could never again eat my favorite food, run in the rain or go downhill on a bike. What would be like if I had a snippet of the highest high of my life only to know I could never experience it again? What would it be like if I had a tie squeezing around my neck, only loose enough to suck in shallow breaths?

Miserable, that's what it would be like.

“Moe…” My heels clicked on the silent apartment as I approached and touched his shoulder. “I can't in my right mind say you should do drugs,” I said with a straight face and he chuckled. “But I don't want you to feel like you're suffocated either. Maybe we can find a middle ground, loosening the tie without ripping it off.”

His ears perked up a little and he looked at me with those puppy eyes that got my heart in a claw-like grip.

“Really? After what I did, would you still want to help?”

“Of course I do. What happened wasn't your fault, and I don't want you to feel suffocated.” I reached for the fluff on his cheek and Moe leaned against my hand. “I love you.”

I barely finished my sentence and his arms wrapped around me, squeezing my waist, firm and gentle, even if I wouldn’t mind having the air squeezed out of me. His head rested against my shoulder and his tail wagged fast.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

The familiar weight of his head on my shoulder melted the tension I walked with for the past weeks. I missed the way his fur tickled my cheek and the way his tail brushed against my legs. If helping him tap into a semi-wild state was what it took to keep this, then becoming a goddamn adrenaline chaser suddenly climbed its way up my list of priorities.

Minutes passed in our much needed embrace before I gathered the willpower to pull away, earning a small whine from him.

“Okay, Moe. If I'm going to help you, we are doing this right.” I walked up to his fridge where a little white board with a couple of markers was glued to the door and picked the red one, writing ‘Mr. Wolf's wild list’ on the top. “Let's start with the ideas.”

Wolf crossed his arms and leaned against the counter with a smirk.

“Not wasting any time, I see.”

“The sooner we figure out what can help you, the sooner we can implement it. So come on, ideas.”

He closed his eyes with a hum, scratching his chin.

“Pulling out a stunt with the car always gets me going.”

“Dangerous driving, then?”

“It's only dangerous if you don't know what you're doing, sweetheart.”

I stared at him, unamused for a good three seconds before sighing.

“Fine.” Against better judgment, I wrote ‘crazy driving’ on the board. “But only on empty roads.”

“Fair enough.”

“What about hiking? It's in nature.”

“Eh, I don't know. Not really a nature guy myself.”

“Really, Moe? No nature in the wild list?”

Wolf chuckled, shaking his head.

“Well, when you put it like that… Maybe I can give running around the mud and get eaten by mosquitos a go.”

“What a lovely way to put it, babe.” I wrote 'touching grass’ on the list with a green marker, drawing a little mosquito beside it.

“Okay, what else?”

Doodling a couple of stars, I waited for new ideas. When he told me nothing for a good thirty seconds, I turned my full attention to him; his tail wagged a little bit, but hung low, the clawed finger tapped against the counter in steady clicks.

“What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on, I know the room is pretty dark but I'm not blind.” I placed my hands over his bouncing leg and tapping finger, the movement stopping. “You can tell me.”

He took his sweet time with it, eyes running through the corners of the room and looking away after the split moments he met mine.

“Promise you won't get mad.”

“Okay… I won't get mad.”

“And promise you'll say no if you're not absolute, one hundred percent sure of it.”

“You’re making it sound like you want to commit a crime.”

“Not far off my alley. But no, it's not a crime, it's… Not gonna lie, it's pretty damn embarrassing.”

Embarrassing. This was the man who played the suave thief like second nature, so when he looked at me like a punny teenager about to ask the cheerleader to the dance, scared of my rejection, what else could I do other than swoon?

“I never knew you had shame buried under that white suit of yours.”

I waited for his smart little remark so I could answer with a comeback heating up on the tip of my tongue. It felt nice, familiar, our back and forth.

“Yeah, that's what you do to me.”

My witty come answer turned to ash in my mouth, leaving my tongue heavy; And while my head scrambled for coherence and my knees for composure, Wolf chuckled and put his hands on my hips,thumbs running up and down sending a wave up my back and making my hairs prickle.

“I want you,” He whispered. “When you walked in, your smell almost made me forget why I hid away to begin with.”

The Moe I knew was a flirt, yes, but in a way which felt like he practiced his lines in front of a mirror. A great actor, no doubt, but still an actor. This was different, it was raw. He spoke without a filter and it made my back arch. I squeezed his shoulder, crumpling the fabric of his messy shirt.

“I want you too,” I leaned closer, breath fanning over the little furs on his muzzle. “I missed you, Moe. I missed you way too much.”

Harsher than what I was used to, his hands squeezed the flesh of my hips, and I could feel the tip of his sharp claws through my jeans.

“Sweetheart, I need you to be real with me now and only say yes if you really mean it.” A gentle hand tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I want you to be part of my little list.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I want to try something different, a little more… loose.”

The only thing stopping the heat that ran up my spine from getting to my head was the ever present suspicion.

“Loose?”

“Yeah, you said I should loosen the tie,” His grip on my waist tightened and he pulled me close enough to feel his hot breath brushing my nose. “And I want to loosen it with you.”

Little impressions I had from the time we spent entangled in the sheets suddenly became much clearer. The way he held me by the waist, kissed me, touched me- Aside from being fantastic and melting the tension from every muscle, left me with this itch in the back of my mind. Be it a scowl on his brow or hands that squeezed me too tight just to let go two seconds after, what he did to me never felt complete. Now I had the confirmation to my suspicions: He held back every time.

Morbid curiosity allied with the growing fire in my stomach, making me wonder how much I could take if he didn't.

“I want to try that out too.”

“Really?” His smile widened and he gave my hips a small squeeze. “It's not just because of me, right? Because if it is-”

I cut his rambling by the root with a peck to the lips.

“I'm a big girl, Moe. I know what I want and I mean what I'm saying. And what I want is for you to take off that leash and burn it-”

In a blink, he had me on top of the balcony, body pressed flushed together as he invaded my mouth in a kiss that left me light headed.

He took his lips away from mine and before I fully made sense of what was happening, began kissing my neck.

“Just tell me to stop and I will,” he said between little kisses and small nibbles. “And if I hurt you, punch me in the throat.”

“Hm, yeah, I can… I can manage that.”

Pushing words out became quite the task when he was making me gasp and sending shivers through my nerves. I held onto his head, looking down as he worked his magic on my skin, tucking my shirt's collar down to give the same treatment as my neck. While Wolf busied himself with that, I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling a hardening volume against my inner thigh.

“Already?” I smiled, scratching behind his ear.

“Hm, just missed you so much.”

His hands moved from my hips to my thighs, squeezing them like stress toys while leaving an open mouth kiss on my cleavage. I tugged at his head, and when a breathy moan left my lips, he growled against my skin.

“How much do you like this shirt?”

The sudden question snapped my attention back to him. He looked at my long sleeve shirt as if it was his worst enemy.

“What?”

He squeezed my thighs a little harder, claws poking my flesh.

“The shirt. Is it a favorite of yours?”

“Why- no, not really.”

“Good.”

The fire that ran through my blood when he tore up the shirt with his teeth and claws was enough to make my face melt off. My mouth hung open with no words uttered as he kissed between my breasts, before pulling away to stare at my lace bra.

“Hm… Not this one.” Much gentler, nimble fingers unclasped the hooks behind me, letting the bra slide through my shoulders while he looked me in the eye with a cheeky grin. “This one I like.”

“...I'll keep that in mind.”

“But I like these even more.”

His attention focused on my breasts. He took one in his hand and kneaded it gently, before making me groan with a harsh squeeze. His grip loosened the same moment and he kissed the finger prints on my skin.

“Too much?”

“No, no, just a little sensitive. It’s been a while.”

“It sure has,” Another gentle kiss traced the reddish marks, trailing up to my pulse. “We can do it the nicer way, you know.”

There he went, offering me an out again when my desires were set in forgetting all restraint. In response my eager hands worked around his shirt, soft fabric hiding even softer fur beneath it. Maybe I was the wild animal between us.

The rumbling of his laugh vibrated against my neck.

“Or not.”

His hands returned to my tender breasts, previous gentleness gone as he squeezed one while feeling the other’s weight in his palm. The pain didn’t phase me. Sure, there was a sharp moment of agony, but in less than a second it became laced with strange pleasure, before fully dissolving into it, like a cold shower after a full day walking in the sun.

My own hands stayed occupied, tracing my fingers over his spine, glazing my nails against his skin, and fully sunk into him when Moe took one of my nipples into his mouth, threatening to bite it down. He didn’t, I knew he wouldn’t go that far, but the possibility was enough to get me shivering.

He nibbled, sucked and played with my hardened buds until I was pulling at the hairs on his neck with enough strength to rip them, and by the end even the breeze from the air conditioner made me whine. He moved back a little, a gleam of smugness in his eyes as he looked over his work of turning my flesh into a personal canvas with purple and red marks. Those eyes that never looked more dangerous met mine and I almost came undone right then and here.

“Awn sweetheart, you’re crying?”

Overwhelmed tears stung my eyes, my entire body, especially my face, feverish.

“N-No. I’m tearing up, it’s different.”

“Well, un-lucky for you, you’re way too pretty like this.” He held my chin a little too forceful, making me stare at the predatory gaze of his. “Now I wonder what’s like if I do make you cry.”

My gasp got cut short when Wolf threw me over his shoulder like a fat shack of dollar bills and walked towards his bedroom, making me yelp when he squeezed my butt followed by a less than gentle bite.

I tried to look at his face while balancing myself.

“When did you get this strong?”

“Always have been, just needed the right motivation.”

The bedroom was as dark as the rest of the apartment, his familiar scent all around when he threw me in the bed, right in the center of a nest-like pile of blankets and kissing down my lips.

“Comfortable?”

“Yeah, I could fall asleep right now.”

He let out a breathy chuckle, one finger pulling my pants.

“You can try, don’t think you’ll be able to. But if you get close to falling asleep…” With a swift movement, he lowered my pants to my thighs. “I’ll just have to get you on the edge again.” He slid my pants down all the way and kissed under my belly button. “...And again…” His lips stopped at the hem of my panties, fingers coming up to touch the soaked spot between my legs. “... And again.”

Threat or promise, he already left unable to catch my breath. My watery eyes admired the sight as much as the blurriness allowed it, my hips buckling against his fingers while the bastard grinned.

“Hell, Moe. You want me to beg?”

“I wasn’t thinking about it, but now that you offered…”

Leaning back on the pillows with one arm over my face, I groaned.

“You’re such a jerk.”

“Hey, don’t be mad. I’m just messing with ya, beautiful.”

“Oh, aren’t you a jokester? This is torture-”

A jolt went up my spine when he dragged his fingers along my slick, teasing me through the panties’ fabric. Wolf’s breath hovered over my over sensitive clit before he gave it the much needed attention with an open mouth kiss that if on the lips would leave anyone drenched. I held myself back from locking his head with my legs when he moved away to slice my panties off, my fully nude form barely affected by the cold room because of how he made me burn.

Moe kissed me, the softer and passionate approach meeting the pace of his fingers teasing my entrance and smearing my clit with my own wetness. For a moment he got me thinking he had given up on our little experiment, but horny little me simply walked into a trap, only noticing when he grabbed my hips and flipped me into my stomach. I tried to use my elbows for support, but Moe pushed me back down and lifted my hips, leaning over my body, pressing himself flushed against me and whispering.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to have you like this, bent over letting me see everything. And you look so pretty. Always so, so pretty for me, sweetheart.”

His husky whisper tickled the back of my ear and I couldn’t blame myself from the moan he dragged out of me. I needed him now, before this drove me to wild madness. And maybe that’s what Wolf was trying to do- To turn me into a crazed and unleashed beast. By the way I pressed myself against him, without a single rational thought, he more than succeeded.

“Just fuck me,” I demanded.

Growling, he dug his hands into my hips, grinding the rock hard cock against me, staining his pants with my slick.

“Last chance to back down.” The sound of his voice was followed by the unzipping of his pants.

“I think I’ll combust if I do.”

Wolf chuckled, one of his hands spreading my lips for him while the other guided his thick length to my entrance and made me gasp and grab at the sheets. It took a total of three slower thrusts before he picked up a crushing, brain melting pace and made me forget the time of the day, the place and my name. He held me by the back of the neck, and by the stings of pain coming from my back and shoulder, I could guess how many marks I would have by the end of this- and God, I didn’t care. If anything, it ripped more unrestrained whimpers and cries from my throat.

“You sound almost as amazing as you feel,” he said, voice breathless against the back of my ear, his arms wrapping around my waist and holding me like a vice. “Damn, sweetheart, so pretty, so good for me, my good girl.”

“N-Not fair, that’s my- Oh, God!- that’s my line.”

The unforgiving pace grew even more savage, cutting out my moans with each thrust.

“But you like it too, don’t you? Screaming so much my ears are ringing.”

“Sorry-”

“Don’t be.”

Although he reached so, so fucking deep into me, that wasn’t the end of it. No, not with Moe like this, not with the swollen base as a delicious reminder, slapping against me everytime he moved.

His groans grew more fanatic, he barely pulled out, rutting against me right before his knot slipped inside in a stretch that might be painful if I wasn’t soaking wet.

Hissing, Moe held me flushed against his chest and my hands held onto his forearms for any semblance of structure. He could only rut against my heat and I could only moan at the over stimulation, so close from being a mess in his arms.

“Mine,” He groaned, nibbling my ear. “My perfect girl, taking me so well.”

“M-Moe…” My body twitched, tears rolled down my eyes into the sweat stained sheets.

Wolf licked a red mark on the crook of my neck.

“Hm, I knew you would look even more beautiful crying for me.” His voice came out in huff and puffs of hot air on my already burning skin. His rutting became relentless, the tip of his cock bullying my cervix, trying to invade everything, tear me apart, merge into me, and by God, I would let him.

It didn’t take long for me to feel the familiar euphoria rush through my veins and tie knots- how ironic- around my stomach. Barely mustering the strength to moan and cry, pitiful wails echoed back to me, and my unleashed lover didn’t trail much better, his own voice hoarse and desperate.

My climax didn’t knock at the door- no, no, no, it came bursting through it, making a mess and all around as I clawed at Wolf’s forearms like a beast and was left shaking and gasping for air amidst low whines. He kept his pace, mindlessly chasing his own high, making my overstimulation all the more wrecking.

Two more minutes of harsh slapping sounds went by before the sights of his orgasm finally appeared to relieve my shaking body. Claws dug in my hips with a possessive grip, his jaw was so tense I could hear the sharp teeth grind against each other and for a moment it seemed he wanted to merge into me before his grip loosed and I felt the familiar warmth floating my walls and leaving no empty creeks.

Fast movements died down, his head resting on my shoulder followed by a heavy and content sigh .I could finally catch my breath.

“Are you okay?” Wolf asked, kissing the marking on the back of my neck.

In my head I answered ‘yes, fantastic’, but babbles left my mouth instead of words- At least he found it funny.

Gently, he flipped me on my back and laid me down, kissing my temple and pulling my putty self closer.

“Fantastic as always, sweetheart. I didn’t think you could get any better and you still impressed me.”

I met his eyes, a smile playing on my lips. His fur never looked more messy, inviting me to pet and try to even it out. I did so, and Moe leaned against my hand, but that sweet, blissed out smile died the moment he laid eyes on the bite mark on my forearm. My heart squeezed for him as he took my arm like it was made of glass and stared at the red teeth scars.

“Moe, it’s not-”

“I know.” He kissed the bite mark, lips lighter than butterfly wings. “But I’m still so sorry. Even after this, you’re still doing so much for me, I don’t know how to make it up to you.”

My hand scratched behind his flat ear.

“Well, if you’re so keen about it, I would love it if you finally got out of the apartment.”

He scoffed, but I kept going.

“I’m serious. I know you feel guilty, but locking yourself up as if you committed a crime is not doing any good to anyone. Hell, if I was the one who went crazy and bit you, it wouldn’t be an issue. You might even be laughing about it.”

Proving my point, he let out a breathy chuckle.

“See?” Despite the wobbly limbs, I shifted on the bed, bringing his head to my chest and placing one leg over his waist. “You’re not bad, Wolf.”

Hesitant hands moved up my back, holding me closer, and my worries were eased once I heard his tail wagging against the bed.

“Thank you, I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. Of course you’re right.” He nuzzled my neck and I could feel his smile. “And you’re right about leaving the apartment too. My nose is starting to itch and I would rather eat cardboard than those shrimp flavored noodles again.”

“How about we go for a walk and get a salad after?”

He looked at me like a little kid who got told no at the toy store.

“Fine, a walk and ice cream. But after that we're deep cleaning this place.”

“Hmm, yes. You’re definitely too good for me.”

Wagging his tail, he leaned in and kissed the purple bruise on my neck. I knew his self blame wasn’t gone, hope as I might, it might never fully be, but we would take it one step at a time. And besides, exploring this new, unrestrained side of him- of us- wasn’t bad at all.

TAGLIST: @freeholeformuzan @xxladysquishyxx

#mr wolf x reader #the bad guys 2022 #the bad guys #the bad guys x reader #mr wolf #mr. wolf #moe wolf #mr wolf x you

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yukimomodivorce · 2 months

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The Ghosts in IDOLiSH7 are a Literary Device, Mostly

(an essay by me)

People are always asking me, "Robin, what the fuck is up with those ghosts in IDOLiSH7? How come this otherwise completely non-supernatural universe randomly has these two ghosts that show up and then never get acknowledged again? Is it just canon that ghosts exist and only Riku and Momo can see them?" and I am always telling them that I have an analysis about this I just haven't written it yet. But that ends today, as do all of these very pressing concerns about the i7 Ghosts™, because here I am, finally writing the analysis. This essay will have two sections, the first on the training camp ghost from part 3/third beat, and the second on the Re:vale house ghost from Yuki's third chapter of Re:member. So, spoilers for all of part 3/third beat in both sections, Re:member in section 2, and there's one extremely minor spoiler for part 4 in section 1 but it's honestly so predictable I don't think it even counts. Also, I'll reiterate this once we get to it, but just a warning that section 2 will contain discussions of depression, suicide and suicidal ideation, and a brief mention of self-harm, so please stop reading after section 1 if you don't want to see any of that! Another less important disclaimer about section 2 is that I am going to spend an entirely unecessary amount of time talking about Yuki. I am normal about Yuki. Okay. Without further ado, let's watch my spiral into ghost analogy insanity unfold!

Game translations: @seigyokus Re:member translations: @ takara_time (+ scans and editing by @ waitamomoment) Rabbit chat translations: @osakaso5

Section 1: The Training Camp Ghost

This first point applies to both ghosts, but I wanna start by noting that I think superstitions and beliefs like this are more common in Japan than a lot of other places, so yeah it is entirely possible that ghosts are just a canon and accepted thing in Idolish7's universe and this isn't really that strange of a detail for the series to include. However, I don't have any real background knowledge about if ghosts are normal in non-supernatural anime/etc. and I am not committing to that kind of research, so we'll have to leave the specifics of the ghost canonicity issue to someone else. But regardless of how canon they are, I think we've established well enough by now that the i7 writers don't put much of anything in the series without reason (re:vale band name you will always be famous. to me), and that definitely applies here as well - both of our ghosts are doing a LOT of potential symbolic work in their brief appearances, and that's what we'll be unpacking today, starting with the TCG.

The infamous TCG (training camp ghost) of Atami needs no introduction, but I'll give her one anyway. During the filming of the Friends Day special, upon following the shopping group home, she offers her services to Riku (inexplicably the only person capable of communicating with her) for the evening entertainment group's test of courage, terrorises several cast members throughout the day, and finally brings us Soma Saito's incredible cover of Dis One before probably being sent back to idol fan purgatory forever. Who is she? Where did she come from? I have several theories.

1.1: The TCG is the audience

While the 'ghosts are real in i7' possibility is there, I think it's also important to note in this case that the whole training camp is very explicitly being filmed for TV, and the biggest vibe I get from this episode of the anime is that the ghost is a part of the show, and we're seeing that show through the eyes of its in-universe audience. This happens pretty often in i7 (for example, when we see the groups talk to their fans during concerts), and generally the line between the real fans and the fictional ones can get pretty blurred (which deserves its own much longer analysis but I Am Not Writing All That), so everything with the in-universe audience here kind of naturally extends to us as the real audience. The TCG would probably be easy enough to manufacture with special effects as long as Riku and the driver guy were in on it, and it would make sense for the Friends Day producers to include it to keep things entertaining and be a stand-in for their viewers/fans of the idol groups - the ghost is specifically a female fan of male idols (Zero), and a lot of her interactions with the cast would qualify as self-insert material (e.g. Tenn singing for her and Riku looking directly into the camera to smile at her). And speaking of Tenn and Riku,

1.2 The TCG is Nanase twins angst

I think this connection is fairly obvious in their exchange here. You could make a case for the ghost representing either one of the twins. Like Riku, she's being pushed away by Tenn before she's ready to leave, told that it's necessary and for the best that they stay separated - after all, they live in different worlds. Like Tenn, she's leaving despite Riku's protests and part of her not really wanting to go at first, because she believes it's for the best that they stay separated - after all, they live in different worlds.

There's also the association with ghosts of being ignored/invisible, and Riku being the only person able to see or talk to her. Maybe it's because he's the only one who's able to reach her. Maybe he can see her because he understands her on some level - she was torn away from life like he was torn away from his brother, and she's now practically invisible to everyone else around her, like Riku probably feels to Tenn (and arguably the rest of his family in some ways). Maybe he wants her to feel seen, and he can make Tenn acknowledge her in the way he wants to be acknowledged by him. I might actually be going somewhere with this so bear with me for a second.

1.3: The TCG is monster Riku foreshadowing

So my first thought when I watched the Nanase twin angst portion of this episode was 'well obviously the ghost isn't real and Riku is just using it to talk to Tenn indirectly' because they are always having indirect conversations like this and it makes me insane, and I do still think that's the idea here, just not quite in the sense that Riku is making things up. Going back to the whole 'ghost is a stand-in for the audience' thing, and assuming that she's saying the things that Riku wants to say and Tenn is telling her the things he wants to tell Riku, then we could say that rather than Riku purposefully having the ghost speak for him, this is an extension of the monster effect. I guess in this scenario the TCG is a real ghost (and a figurative representation of the audience), and Riku is having the same effect on her that Iori says he has on everyone else. He unknowingly projects his desire to connect with his brother onto her, and she tries to help him. Really, the only times we see her after she follows the shopping group to their cabin are when she's helping Riku, with the test of courage and then with speaking to Tenn. This gets convoluted so I kinda doubt it's intentional? But it's fun to think about.

1.4: The TCG is the friends we made along the way

Riku spells this out a bit more explicitly in the game here, but the TCG represents the each of the groups in the series in a couple different ways. I guess one way you could interpret this is that the ghost is meant to be there to emphasise how extraordinary it is that they're all together, but I don't think that really holds up considering how often they end up working with each other throughout the series anyway. What's important here is the idea of the ghost itself, something that can be present and felt even when it isn't physically or actually there. Again, the ghost is the audience - a constant influence for better and for worse on these idols even when they aren't watching, even in their personal lives; and vice versa, the ghost is the idols being able to reach their fans without ever actually knowing them. More relevant to what Riku says, the ghost is the groups to each other - friends, mentors, rivals, pushing them forward even when they aren't standing side by side. You could even say the ghost is ZOOL, friends who aren't here right now but will be someday. Re:vale and Idolish7 as groups don't especially fit the ghost description, but they have their fair share of ghosts - Banri, Haruki, Tenn, Aya, Sougo's uncle. Zero. The list goes on, for Trigger and ZOOL as well, but I think the most important way the ghost analogy applies to this section of the story is with Trigger. Because during the imminent Arc Where Trigger Gets Cancelled™, despite leaving their agency and disappearing almost entirely from the public eye, they're still very much there to their fans and to their friends. So. I kinda forgot what I was saying but to sum it all up the ghost here represents everything that stays with you even when it's far away or after it's gone from your life. Mikanseinabokura and all that. And now that I mention it-

Section 2: The Re:vale House Ghost

Once again, a warning that this section has a brief mention of self-harm, as well as in-depth discussions of depression, suicide and suicidal ideation (which I'm gonna be talking about pretty bluntly the entire time), so please don't proceed unless you're comfortable with all of that!

Like most things in Re:member, the RHG (Re:vale house ghost) makes me insane. Today I am going to attempt to form coherent thoughts about it and it is unlikely that I'll succeed, but try to bear with me. Though it isn't around for as long as the TCG, we have a little more info about the RHG - it's the ghost that haunts the shitty apartment Yuki and Momo live in together in their early days as Re:vale. Supposedly. All it actually does is slam the door of one kitchen cabinet and I don't think that this is definitive evidence of paranormal activity because most houses are just like that. It's all a little bit vague, but according to Re:vale, their house is definitely haunted by the ghost of someone who died in the kitchen, because when they move in there is a mysterious black stain on their kitchen floor. Momo introduces himself to the floor stain while Yuki stares at him in awe and blushes and shoujo filter flowers appear in his eyes. God I hate them. I think the RHG is just a figment of their collective imagination or maybe they're having one of those shared delusions or something. But that's really besides the point because this ghost exists for one very specific thematic purpose: the RHG is Yuki.

And on that note, let's go back and talk about Yuki for a few minutes (potentially hours) before we get to our actual analysis of the ghost scene. Mostly because I just wanna talk about him, but also because I do understand why some people think the 'Momo starts talking to ghosts' part of Re:member is kinda weird and random, and I think at least some of this is important to go over before we unpack it.

A consensus has already been established among Yuki scholars that our subject has autism (Kei et al. 2024). Today, I would like to propose an additional diagnosis: Yuki has depression.

2.1: "I lost my dreams, friends, and passion as well."

So, Yuki pretty clearly gets depressed when Ban leaves him. He loses interest in everything he used to care about, gives up on his dreams, blames himself for Ban's injury and disappearance, he's constantly sad, tired and irritable, and he lashes out at Momo (and Kujou, though there are some other pretty strong reasons for that one) and presumably everyone else he knows (I doubt he had a particularly good relationship with anyone else in the first place, but still).

He's grieving here, and it would make sense for him to react this way because of that fact alone. But I really don't think that's all there is to it, because he exhibits these symptoms (among others) long before Ban leaves him. He can't get out of bed in the mornings, he rarely leaves the house if he can avoid it, he has days where he can't eat or sleep, he's underweight and always tired and generally known to lack energy and be slow (or 'lazy') and in some cases listless and despondent. Ban even says that he wouldn't put it past Yuki to start slitting his wrists. And it's subtle, but there's one more really big one that really never goes away for him, even after he finds Ban.

2.2: "I don't need anyone to love me."

I'll get straight to the point. Yuki hates himself. Maybe only a little bit, maybe only sometimes, but it's there. Especially when he struggles with composing - he even says it himself in part 1 of his birthday photobook rabbit chat, almost immediately after saying that it made him want to kill himself but we'll get back to that part.

But it's really everywhere on what seems to be a mostly subconscious level for him, if you know how to look, even from the very beginning:

On paper, this line is just his frustration with being judged by anything other than his music, because it's something he cares a lot about and puts a lot of work into and he wants that to be acknowledged. But I think that if you take it in conjunction with some of the other things he tends to say, there's a little bit more to it.

I dont need anyone to love me. Yuki's songs are worthy of love. Yuki is not. There is nothing valuable about Yuki other than his songs, he has nothing else that deserves any sort of praise, and without them, he's just a useless burden with nothing to offer. He doesn't need anyone to love him - he doesn't understand why anyone would. And Momo does, and he's a good person, and Yuki doesn't deserve that when there's nothing he can actually do for him. And when that starts to change and he starts getting better at showing kindness to others and being there for Momo, he doesn't see it as learning to better express his feelings, he sees is as learning to feel affection and be a good person, because he believes that he is inherently not. As far as he can tell, Yuki is just naturally a bad person and a bad partner who isn't kind and isn't capable of love or compassion, not unless he tries to be. He knows, because he's heard it god knows how many times - even Chiba Shizuo blatantly tells him that neither of them can become good people - and maybe things are different now, but on some basic level it'll always be who he is.

Ok breaking character for a second, imagine you show up to your acting side gig and on the first day Keanu Reeves comes up to you and gives you $300 cash and then later he indirectly tells you that you're a nasty lonely egotistical failure. Now imagine you're Yuki and you have no fucking clue who Keanu Reeves is. He also shows you pictures of his top secret illegitimate son after talking to you for like 10 minutes and you have to lie to him about being straight. I think this is objectively the funniest situation to be in ever. Chiba Shizuo and Yamato both probably have depression also, but I'm not gonna spend any time on it, because every three months a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in Northern Queensland. I forgot what I was talking about. Anyway

2.3: Hey remember that one time Yuki just straight up tried to kill himself

Yeah, that one. As far as I know this is really never addressed or acknowledged again, so we're just gonna take the page-long gag from Re:member at face value and say that after Ban's disappearance, Yuki (almost) attempted suicide, and the only reason he didn't go through with it is because he couldn't find anywhere to hang the noose. And like, yeah you could say it's just because he thought Ban might have killed himself and he's always been the kind of hopeless romantic to be waxing poetic about how "I can't live without you," but at the same time, he had no apparent reason to believe this (even if Ban did have suicidal tendencies I doubt Yuki would've really known), and he was planning to go through with it (I know it's probably just for comedic effect but he left a will. He left a will. He's, like, 20, and surely not the kind of person who would just have something like that in order already). This is also emphatically not the last time or the only reason he thinks about it.

I told you we'd get back to the photobook chat! I think there's also a lot you can infer from all the times he says he'd probably be dead by now without Momo and he wouldn't be able to handle losing him, what with the whole "when you jump, you'd better take me with you" thing. But regardless, this really isn't just that one time that Yuki tried to kill himself. It's suicidal ideation, and it's something he consistently struggles with especially in the few months after Ban leaves him. It even comes up in how he sees the 'paranormal activity' his new apartment:

2.4: "It seemed as though someone had hung themselves there."

Yeah it's the ghost I'm finally gonna talk about the ghost. I'm done with my Yuki has depression rant we can talk about why the ghost is Yuki now. I guess it might be more accurate to say that the ghost is Yuki's depression/suicidal thoughts/Banri trauma/whatever, but either way I think it represents him and he might also be semi-consciously projecting onto it, and I'm gonna go through line-by-line and try to explain my interpretation.

I think if you want to there's definitely room to take the 'usual paranormal activity' super literally and say that Yuki was having outbursts and slamming doors at the time (which would also match up with him being startled by it). I think it's also important to note that this is happening around the time he mentions feeling suicidal and not being able to compose in the photobook chat, but the main thing here is that second line. Even though Momo is always so nice to him, he can't stop himself from getting mad and being difficult and depressed, and he can't return that kindness - he can't even be useful to him.

I've already mentioned how I think Yuki's conclusion about the stain here plays into his suicidal ideation, but let's look at it a little more thematically. It's the way that even though it's glossed over earlier in the manga, Yuki's suicide attempt and everything that accompanied it still follows him, and it hangs (lol) heavy in their house like a ghost. To Yuki, it's startling and eerie - it scares him, and he's expecting it to scare Momo once he sees that side of him too. And it probably does scare him a little, and he hesitates, but he doesn't scream. Again, there's room to interpret this more literally as Momo finding out about his attempt/ideation/depression, or just as him inevitably seeing how he gets on his worse days, but either way the outcome is the same. Momo is starting to know Yuki as a person instead of an idol, flaws and probable mental illness and all, and his first reaction isn't to shy away or start to hate him or want to leave. It's an introduction. He makes it clear that they'll both be staying here from now on, that he's willing to live with the 'darker' sides of Yuki, and to help him do the same. Another point on this that's up to interpretation (because let's be real they're probably never gonna deal with this stuff explicitly in canon), you could see the whole ghost thing as neither of them really being able/wanting to accept that Yuki's symptoms are actually a part of him (and this is veering completely into fanfic territory but now I'm just imagining both of them silently agreeing to blame the things Yuki does on bad days on the ghost) but we've had enough angst for one day.

Everything else lines up well enough with the ghost and Yuki, but it's really his reaction here that sells the whole thing for me. It's a simple gesture, but just by Momo greeting him, being by his side, waiting for him when he comes home, that constant reminder of all his darkest thoughts becomes just another mark on the floorboards. It's not gone, and it probably never will be. But at least now, he doesn't have to face it alone. And it doesn't look so scary anymore.

2.5: "Now I know joy, and the meaning of a smile."

I must confess that I lied to all of you earlier. I'm actually not done with my Yuki rant and also there's a good reason I've been ignoring all the parts of Re:member where he isn't being self-deprecating or trying to kill himself. The end of the ghost scene is only the beginning of the end of this analysis, and the end of this analysis is pretty much just me having a meltdown about Yuki. Also I'm running out of space for images so we're doing some of the quotes like this instead.

After losing Ban, I lost my dreams, friends, and passion as well. I could only feel a sting as the wind passed through an empty, gaping hole in my chest. But I breathed as best as I could, and he tried to clear the dirt out of that hole, filling it with his earnest words instead.

Yuki still exhibits a lot of symptoms of depression all the way through the series, like the low energy and the trouble eating and sleeping, and [redacted part 5 spoilers] makes me think there's definitely some sort of connection between his writers' block and his depressive episodes. He still mentions feeling guilty towards Banri in second beat, the suicidal ideation doesn't really come up explicitly but he kinda hints at it on a few occassions, and he's very adament that he was a bad person and still isn't really a good one. But it's like. I don't really know how to put this, but I guess it's not his default state anymore like it was right after Ban left (and possibly before that, too). For the most part, he really does get better, and these things become less intense and fewer and farther between. He would probably say that it's all thanks to Momo, and it is, but he also very much does it of his own volition. Momo refuses so desperately to give up on him, and because of that he makes that choice to keep going by restarting Re:vale with him.

Yuki allows himself to let someone else in and start to love again - his partner, his music, his life. Even while he's thinking that he's just a burden to those around him, he doesn't resign himself to his fate like he might have done in the past. He's determined to become a better person, someone who can be a source of strength for Momo just like he was for him. And in the end, he does, but it's not just that. Now he knows joy. Now he can genuinely smile. And now,

I want to hear them scream my name. The voices that called out had annoyed me in the past. But now, I'll smile, together with Momo, who'll be by my side.

Going back to what I said about some of Yuki's subconscious self-hatred coming through in the way he wants people to look at his music and not at him, I. Cannot finish a sentence. Do NOT think about Yuki learning to love himself and see himself as worthy of love because Momo loved him just that much in a way that he could accept. BAD IDEA. Okay. So. It's Ban's advice and Momo's fan letter that get Yuki to accept that his fans do genuinely love his music in the first place, and I think it's here that it really starts to turn into him accepting the idea that they love other things about him too? Or that he really starts to want it and be happy about it instead of just accepting it? Whatever. I give up. I don't even like Re:vale anyway

That day, I would play the guitar I'd almost thrown at Kujou, because I now knew the power of a song that could not be silenced. I would dry my tears, open the door, and say, "I'm home."

#alabastxr.pdf #new tag just dropped #idolish7 #orikasa yukito #yukito orikasa #not tagging the rest of them #i did not mean to write an entire yuki character analysis here. oops #writign this post killed me im gonna go think about mission now

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azriaann · 10 days

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ok wait… i just read the newest 100yq chapter… guys hear me out something is in the air… (i’m a clown and freaked out because i thought natsu popped up in lucy’s fight because he was worried about her. that was not the case and now i look foolish)

but i literally cannot wrap my head around Why they decided to split up. i love lucy and she’s such a bad bitch who can absolutely handle herself but in what world can that girl defeat a dragon god on her own. ITS SO DUMB????? why would natsu and wendy not split up into little battalions and idk grab the other dragon slayers from around the continent😭 feels like a big enough “avengers level threat” that they should be allowed to briefly break the contract.. but no! dumbass #1 was like ok guys let’s split up! and every mature person in the group was like ok sounds like a solid, well-thought-out plan! what is happening.

i will also never be able to understand the point of brandish wanting aquarius’ key. like sure, she was important to your mom, but i feel like, objectively, aquarius has had a much more tangible and everlasting presence in lucy’s life, to the point where it makes no sense for brandish to take that away from her😭 why would she not just settle for visiting lucy and aquarius????! that literally makes wayyyy more sense, like obviously lucy would be absolutely willing to make that happen??? it’s just goofy to me. BRANDISH DOESNT EVEN USE CELESTIAL SPIRIT MAGIC.

made me laugh when brandish mentioned natsu😭 like yeah where is ur boyfriend lucy???!! feels ooc that he would willingly split up with her everyone when so much is on the line (even if i still think the stakes are too low for a properly compelling narrative). like you’re going to look me in the eye and tell me that the mf who trained for a year to make sure that he’d be able to protect his friends with his strength is ready to split up and allow them to fight battles that they are grossly unprepared for WHEN THEIR MAGIC WONT BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING!??? don’t even get me started on wendy’s dragon slayer insignia shit (which just completely undermines dragon slayer magic in general… because it’s uniqueness is why it was so special in the first place!? but i digress). and yeah whatever maybe he just fully trusts their ability to handle themselves, and im hypocritical because it also does bother me that he always takes the forefront in group fights, but somehow i feel like this is different.

i do like the choice to have lucy in mortal danger and then cutting to natsu. idk if they intended for it to be the way im understanding it, but im a sucker for that kind of dramatic irony😁 hey buddy ur gf is in trouble! but you have no idea because ur an idiot who decided to split up! sigh. anyway i feel like this chapter was pretty good and i have not been able to say that for Months😭☝️ so yay!

#fairy tail 100 years quest #thoughts and also prayers for lucy #probably fairy tail crit but what’s new!#return of nalu on the horizon… i can feel it in my bones…#lucy heartfilia

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slecnaztemnot · 1 month

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Representatives of factions in Veilguard

Apart from our companions, it seems that each faction in the Veilguard will be represented by a pair (or more?) of main NPCs. Some of them already appeared in the trailer!

Antivan Crows

Viago de Riva and Andarateia Cantori (Teia)

Fifth and Seventh Talon of the Antivan Crows, respectively. We met them both in Tevinter Nights and in the comics (Deception, The Missing). Viago is bastard son of Antivan King and master poisoner. Teia is an elven thief and seductress. Her raise in ranks was considered controversial, since she had no connections and is not of noble blood.

They are dating (kinda sorta?)

Grey Wardens

Evka Ivo and Antoine

Evka is a formerly Orzammar dwarf who was saved by a Grey warden and joined their ranks. Antoine is an elf from Orlais, who was tainted and saved by Joining. We met them in Tevinter Nights, protecting a village from a very non-Darkspawn threat, in short stories on Bioware website and in comics The Missing.

Shot from the trailer:

They got engaged in the short story, its seriously cute!

Veil Jumpers

Irelin and Strife

Irelin is a Dalish elf from clan Morlyn. She is a shapeshifter mage. Strife is a former city elf from Starkhaven who joined Dalish as adult. He is a capable archer (and older, at least 50-60). We meet them in Tevinter Nights, short story on Bioware website and in comics The Missing.

They were both confirmed to appear in GameInformer article, which I sadly can't link due to GI being shut down. Irelin also appears in the shot of the trailer.

Images from comics

Mourn Watch

From now on, this is speculation, nothing confirmed in trailer or other media. For Mourn Watch, I think the representative NPCs will be:

Audric Felhausen and Myrna

Audric is a formerly city watch member who now works for Mourn watch and guards/catalogues library. We learn something interesting about him in Tevinter Nights! Myrna is a mage who we meet in the same story he appears in.

Possibly in this shot next to door, as spotted by a friendly redditor!

Lords of Fortune

Again, no confirmation. We meet one Lord of Fortune in Absolution, though Bioware said the cartoon is its own thing and not connected to Veilguard.

In Tevinter Nights, we meet two possible candidates:

Hollix, nonbinary Lord of Fortune, who is expert at disguise. We might have already met them, but we wouldn't be able to tell! Probably human, but its unclear?

Bharv is a dwarf and experienced Lord of Fortune from Rivain.

No pics here either!

Shadow Dragons

This group is most enigmatic, as its completely new to us! It was never mentioned in any of the Dragon Age media before Veilguard. We do meet Neve in Tevinter Nights, though she isn't a member there yet (or she doesn't mention it).

Of course, one has to wonder if we weren't shown any NPC members bcs they will be some of the returning companions. Options include:

Dorian, our beloved companion from DA:I, who returned to Tevinter to fight injustice. He has the advantage of being always alive (unlike other companions, like Iron Bull).

Maevaris Tilani is a character from comics and also appeared in Tevinter Nights (and was mentioned in War Table mission). She is a Tevinter Magister, trans woman and also kin to Varric through marriage. She kicks ass and I sincerely hope we meet her!

Fenris, our beloved companion from DA2! He is a former elven slave and recently appeared in comics as someone who helps others escape slavery, which aligns with Shadow Dragons missions. He can die in DA2, but only in a very specific case - so I wonder if Bioware will pull Leliana with him and just say his lyrium tattoos saved him from death.

What do you think? Any opinions? Who are you most excited to meet?

#dragon age #dragon age: the veilguard #da4 #da:tv

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takenbypeter · 1 year

Note

Hiii i love ur writing!!!

I was wondering if you could write a young Kurt Wagner x fem!reader hc or fic about kurt liking the reader who is really cool and funny and he thinks shes way out of his league, it doesnt help that some of the more extroverted students are always flirting, and he doesnt get how it comes so naturally to them. Anyways he's lowkey jealous and insecure (esspecially bc he looks so different compared to her and the other students) and oblivious to the fact that the reader only has eyes for him!! Angst and fluff are my faves ugh

(+bonus if peter tries to give him advice on how to hit on a girl and its a total trainwreck bc kurt is so obviously not acting like himself and shes lowkey freaked out and trying not to laugh in his face💀)

Stick to the Plan

Kurt Wagner x reader

Words: 1486

Authors note: I totally forgot about the jealousy aspect of this whole thing sorry but I hope you still like it and this is like my first Kurt fic so yayyyy!

Kurt was already easily known as the nervous type around people. Didn’t always know what to say, didn’t want to do the wrong thing.

But with you? He was terrified.

Now he knew you weren’t perfect, no one is. But he was pretty sure you were just about close to it.

You were quite beautiful yet weren’t afraid to wear silly expressions. Your laugh was very infectious that even when he wasn’t a part of the conversation, he could feel his cheeks uplifting at just the sound that he recognized from far away.

Kurt didn’t talk to you much but he did always find himself coincidentally in the same area as you. He found it quite admirable how it seemed like you got along with practically everyone and never let anything get you down.

You could say he had a crush.

He wanted to talk to you, to connect about anything, but like mentioned earlier…he was scared. It also didn’t help that he could tell that he wasn’t the only one who had a thing for you. He knew of at least two other guys who were very obvious in their likings of you. But unlike himself, they actually had the guts to talk to you, you’ve laughed with them, shared jokes.

It also didn’t help that Kurt couldn’t help but feel like he looked like a freak most of the time. The tail, the teeth, the blue, sometimes it was hard for him to believe that people could accept him this way—that you could accept him this way.

Despite what he felt, he believed he kept his feelings well hidden, but that wasn’t exactly the case because a certain speedster had caught on quickly.

Kurt had just watched you leave the small group that you had been chatting with, you just about stepped out of the room when a voice suddenly appeared right beside Kurt’s ear. “So when are you planning on puttin’ the moves on?”

Kurt jumped, shocked at the question, “excuse me?”

“Come on, you’ve been pining for weeks, just make your move already.”

Kurt freezes for a moment, but then grabs the man unexpectedly and disappears as a puff of smoke left behind practically dissolves into air. He teleports the two to Kurt’s own room before releasing the speedster.

“You will keep what you know, only between us,” Kurt insisted but Peter was already nodding. “Don’t worry your secret’s safe with me. I actually wanna help you.”

“You want to help me?” Peter nodded again and Kurt couldn’t stop a scoff from escaping past his lips, “because you’re so good at this type of stuff?” Kurt added, tone more sarcastic than positive.

“Hey at least I can talk to ‘em.”

He’s got a point there.

Despite everything in Kurt telling him not to take Peter’s advice he still hung his head in defeat. “Alright, I will accept your help…but what do you get out of this all?”

It was hard for Kurt to believe that Peter was doing this out of the good of his heart, but Peter shrugged. “Bored,” is all he said before clapping his hands together, “okay let’s get started.”

Kurt should’ve known better than to trust Peter. He taught him strange things that he guaranteed would “woo” anybody’s heart and although it all seemed unlikely, Kurt took each and every one of his advice to heart.

The strange way of talking, the attitude that he should carry, all of it he took in until Peter deemed the blue mutant ready.

It wasn’t until the next day while you were seated in a corner of a busy room that the plan went into action.

You were clearly occupied with your head buried in a graphic novel but your attention got deterred when a body sat directly across from you.

Eyes leaving the pages, you were met with a set of bright yellow eyes taking you by surprise, but you quickly collected yourself.

“Oh hey Kurt,” You were trying your best to conceal your surprise at the sight of the man in front of you, especially since typically it seemed like the boy did his best to avoid you, “what’s up?” You asked, setting your book down in your lap but with your thumb holding your place.

Kurt could already feel himself wanting to duck underneath his shoulders and disappear from your view but he fought every urge to do that.

Fighting his instincts he slumped his shoulders down and leaned back trying his best to look what could possibly be perceived as cool. And in that position he let out a line he’d practiced in the mirror the night before, “something must be wrong with my eyes because I can’t take them off of you.”

Your mouth forms a little oh shape as your eyes widen and your eyebrows lift. Kurt obviously can see how shocked you are by his words and he himself could feel his body getting ready to prepare for the cringe he was beginning to feel, but he pushed through and delivered another line, “hey, you’re pretty and I’m cute. Together we’d be pretty cute.”

Oh God, your expression told him all he needed to know about that one. He instantly regretted that one.

Your face contorted from confused to surprised then half amused before you started cracking up.

You were laughing.

You were laughing at him right to his face.

Kurt pushed his teeth together before muttering, “I’m sorry,” he was about to disappear as it seemed that was the only thing he was good at, but you rested a hand on his shoulder stopping him from doing so.

Once you controlled yourself you let out, “I’m sorry, you think I’m pretty?”

His whole demeanor flipped, his shoulders leaned up, his arms suddenly were in his lap as he brought his hands together in the middle.

He knew he said those words but it felt so strange hearing you repeat the line when he technically hadn’t even confessed his feelings yet.

At Kurt’s silence that’s when you spoke up, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean anything by…that,” you said, referencing to your more than little laugh session, “it was all just…unexpected. This,” you waved a hand in the air motioning towards whatever that display was, “just doesn’t seem like you at all, are you okay?”

He felt the air in his throat hitch as he began to panic about what to say next, should he just confess now? Peter didn’t cover this. Should he just relay back to the things Peter had taught him? But with all this thinking he couldn’t come up with something fast enough and instead finally let out a breath.

“It’s not me.”

“Yeah I know,” you chuckled.

He finally seems to relax for the first time since your interaction began and his eyes drift down to your book still in hand.

“What are you reading there?” he asks and your eyes follow where he was looking. “Oh this? It’s just a murder mystery.”

“How is it? Do you like it?”

“Yeah I love murder mysteries, I love when there’s a twist ending but I also love when it ends in a real cliche way. I’ve actually read this one before but the movie for it just came out so I’m rereading it before going to watch it later this week.”

“I’ve actually read that book before too, it’s pretty good.”

“Right?”

“I didn’t know there was a film for it,” Kurt truly meant nothing by that statement, if anything it was more just a way to continue the conversation with you.

“Yeah…did you want to watch it together?”

There was nothing on earth that could’ve predicted this moment for him. He truly had to take a moment, and when he finally came to he just nodded, shock still written on his face. You mirrored his nodding with a smile, “great, it can be a date.”

“A date?”

“Yeah, and you can continue telling me how pretty I am.”

Again he seemed to still be in a daze, “yeah…wait what?”

With that you packed your things and stood up from your spot, “okay I have to head somewhere now but we’ll make plans later, but um, I’ll see you later?”

He blinked a couple times coming out of the trance you seemed to put him under, “yeah.”

“I’ll see you,” you added, taking steps backwards as you exited the room.

“See you.”

“Okay—sorry,” you said to the chair you had accidentally bumped into while you were walking backwards and with that you gave a last wave before finally turning around.

As soon as you left the room in came Peter who surprisingly actually wasn’t listening.

“How’d that go? Did you make your move?”

“…yeah,” Kurt responded eyes stuck to where you last waved to him.

“Did you get a date?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that the only word you know right now?”

“Yeah.”

#kurt wagner fanfiction #kurt wagner fanfic #kurt wagner x reader #kurt wagner imagine #xmen fanfiction #xmen fanfic #xmen imagine #x men x reader #xmen x reader #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #request #requests

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dazed--xx · 2 years

Text

Breathless

Member: Hyunjin x reader

Word count: 21.3K

IDOL CAMEOS: Karina-Aespa, Yeji-Itzy, Lia-Itzy, Joshua-Seventeen, Chanyeol-Exo

Trigger warnings: SMUT, toxic relationships, ANGST, oral sex, breeding kink, unprotected sex (wrap it up guys), fake texts, mentions of alcholism (By side character), mentions of cheating, mentions of medical issues, mentions of anxiety. anything else i could have forgotten.

A/N: I wanted to start writing for other groups for a while, and i watched the Case 143 comeback and just fell down a Stray Kids rabbit hole again so i decide to write this i hope you guys enjoy, let me know if you want a part two. also i do commissions, personally i dont like buy me a coffee but i do have cashapp, paypal and venmo if you ever want to get a commission i do still have a buy me a coffee as well anyway enjoy

“Can't you stay?”

Your voice is shaky as you look at him with hope filled eyes. You could tell even just from looking at his back, as an annoyed sigh is released from his lips, he had rolled his eyes. “Cant. Sorry” He states matter of factly. He wasn’t sorry... you knew he wasn’t; he never was. He always said it anytime you'd ask, never giving a reason beyond ‘cant’ yet you still find yourself asking “w-why not?” your tone is so soft you don’t even register the words had actually come out until he snaps “I mean it's not really your business is it?” quickly turning to face you as he forces his shirt on. “Does it matter?” your teeth capture your bottom lip as you hold the blanket over your bare chest. Your gaze avoiding his glare “I guess not...” the familiar prick behind your eyes has your vision blurring. You hear your bedroom door open “H-have fun I guess....” you call to him only to be met with the sound of the door closing.

Of course, not.... You hadn't expected as much anyway.

In the past 10 months of your relationship with him you have learned plenty of things about Hwang Hyunjin. He was a passionate dance major, spending more time in the dance studio than in his own dorm. He had a love for art, with dozens of classic paintings littering his dorm. Along with his own. He was independent, charming, and undeniably gorgeous. But he was also cold, distant, and lacked social etiquette. He was quick to tell you exactly what was on his mind whether it hurt or not. If he chose not to vocalize his disinterest; his expression was an open book for all to read anyway. He enjoyed the party lifestyle, if his social media was anything to go by, he’d often be spotted in the background of photos with his best friends; Seo Changbin and Han Jisung.

Everyone in your university wanted at least one of them. Most of the female population had a ‘night to remember’ story with either one of them. They were blunt and honest about their lack of commitment, only needing a warm body as a temporary place holder in their beds.

Relationships were off the table. Sure, they’d be down for a good time here or there but in Jisung’s own words “Relationships equal clingy annoying problems” which is why you were so surprised when Hyunjin asked for exclusivity oh so matter of factly last year. You had been sleeping together on and off after your dance instructors paired you up for your first joint project between both of your classes. It had been a late night in the studio running through one of your last rehearsals before evaluations. You weren't sure if it was the close sensual nature of the choreography, thanks to Hyunjin, or the ambiance in the dimly lit studio but as the song came to its conclusion; both of your chests heaving against each other, your eyes meet. Your bottom lip finds its way in between your teeth. His hand caressing your cheek as his thumb traces over your bottom lip “Fuck......Don't. Don’t do that” his voice full of something unfamiliar to you. “Do what?” you ask innocently your hands grip his shirt. His hold on you tightens around your waist, pulling you closer into his slim muscular figure. The tip of his tongue brushes over his plush lips. Your cheeks and ears burn a bright scarlet. Looking back, you weren't entirely sure who initiated it but soon, your lips meet. Shortly after you felt the cool glass mirror against your bare chest as Hyunjin attacked your core. His thrusts ruthless until you reached a mind-bendingng orgasm. Youd only realized your mistake afterward when he quickly fixed his clothes and ran out the door.

You took the loss in stride. Avoiding the topic during the last 2 weeks of rehearsal, acting as if it never happened. You never stayed alone with him longer than necessary, you'd pull away the moment the song came to an end even though sometimes he’d try to hold you in place for a while longer. Youd make sure the studio was properly lit at all times. Only texting him about rehearsals and quickly dismissing his selfies and flirty remarks. You would begin spending your lunch in the university library when Jisung set his sights on your best friend, Karina, and he and his best friends began impeding on your time with your best friends. Only truly having to come face to face with Hyunjin at your evaluation.

As the song came to a close you ripped yourself from Hyunjin’s grasp, thanked the judges for their time, collected your phone and made your way out of the studio and into the locker room. Reaching your locker, you force your dance bag out of its confinement. A sigh of relief is released from your throat. Your eyes focusing on the mirror you kept on the back wall; you steady your breathing. Closing the door, the need to shower now replacing your anxiety. Turning toward the private showers your face is met with a wall of muscle. The familiar cologne fills your nostrils, dread fills your stomach as you silently beg the ground to swallow you whole. “Sorry” you murmur as you attempt to make your way around him. A small ‘tsk’ is heard from above you as he places himself in front of you again. “Do you have a problem or something?” you snap. An amused smirk finds its way to his plush lips. Damn you Hwang, you think to yourself, as he shrugs and shakes his head. “Why are you avoiding me?” He pouts. You hate how your heart races “I'm not” you shrug “Just no reason for us to interact anymore” his eyebrows scrunch together his pout only growing at your words “You don’t want me anymore?” needless to say you ended that interaction pressed against the shower wall his lips attached to your neck as he guides you on his shaft. Only for the cycle to continue over and over until your presence in each other's lives was nonstop. Then one day he had asked you to be his girlfriend with a nonchalant shrug, murmuring back a shy ‘yes’ and 10 months later your cat and mouse game continued.

Apart from the occasional quickie or stolen kiss, you rarely see the man that claims to be your boyfriend. Your offers to accompany him to the studio remain declined, stolen moments with him moved from the library study rooms to either one of your dorms in the late hours of the night. You should have seen his rejection coming; it's all he’s ever done. His friends, the studio, parties all get more of Hyunjin’s time than you. With the summer coming to an end and the dance studio finally opening up again tonight, you knew immediately he’d go; especially with it being all the other dance majors can talk about due to the party being held there.

“UM....HELLOOO!!!” your dormmate Lia, exclaimed as she snapped in front of your eyes pulling you out of your trance. You glare at her petite frame. “Busy in wonderland there, Alice?” she giggles. “HA.HA. You’re so funny I forgot to laugh.” you quip. “Anyway...what's up?” you question adjusting the blanket, Lia places a pout on her lips “I need a favor”

“If it's buying condoms for you again the answer is no” you growl.

“No, smartass. Not this time, but I'm really busy studying for the stupid exam I have tomorrow since my psychology professor is a psychopath and Yeji is sick do you think you can run and grab some medicine for her?” she pleads. You smirk at her “What if I was busy?”

“With what? Hwang left already. You’re going to spend the rest of the night in bed. Like you always do” she snarls before she turns and makes her way out the door.

“Love you. Goodnight.” she calls

______________________________________________________________

You couldn’t help but get lost in the beauty that is Jongno-gu, walking along the river toward Yeji’s off campus dorm. Your eyes drift to the beautiful lights that decorate the road indicating the little restaurants and shops. An envious feeling grows in the pit of your stomach as a young man chases his girlfriend around the gorgeous area; smiles plastered on their faces as he finds his arms encasing her from behind. Lucky....you think to yourself. If only you were more like Lia or Yeji or Karina. You take a single pause in your movements. A memory growing in your mind of you having to spend your last paycheck at your summer job your senior year on bail for Karina due to her ex cheating on her and her taking a bat to his car and him. Okay maybe not Karina......you thought. The whirring of an engine cutting your thoughts off as a single headlight blinds you. You force yourself right and collide with the hard concrete. Brushing your hair out of your face before you dust off your legs. Pulling yourself off the ground, you notice the motorcyclist shoving the bike off his leg. “Oh my god! Are-Are you okay?” Your eyes widen in panic as you rush toward the driver. He unbuckles his helmet and pulls it off.

Your heart races as honey blonde hair begins blowing subtly in the small wisps of wind. His brown eyes sitting in a scowl. You couldn’t help but stare at his heart shaped plush lips, noticing the freckles that litter his face.

Fuck...

He was absolutely mesmerizing. He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by the roar of multiple engines. His eyes widen as he stares in the direction he came, tossing his helmet into your arms he takes off in the direction you had just come from. Your eyes widen as you stare down at the glossy black and red headgear. “E-Excuse--” you tried to call after him as 4 motorbikes whip past you following after the mystery man. You contemplate just leaving the helmet on the bike and returning to your task. You groan to yourself as you notice the headlight still on and the idling of the engine. You stomp your foot in frustration.

Ughh this is so not worth my time....

You notice the bikes disappearing in the distance. Taking the helmet and placing it on the ground before you grab the handlebars of the motorcycle and after a long struggle you were finally able to lift it. Bringing the kickstand down you place the helmet on the seat. The tightness in your chest from the unexpected work out has you reconsidering if you care if the bike got stolen or not; the owner obviously didn’t. You stare in the direction of Yeji’s place noticing the beautiful welcoming lights. You growl to yourself as you slowly lift the kickstand taking hold of the handlebars once again you drag the vehicle in the direction its owner dashed to. Your eyes roam the area as you wearily drag the bike along in search of its owner. You notice a group of motorcycles in the parking lot to the docks. Hiding the bike behind the dumpster in front of said lot. Helmet in your arms, you quietly make your way toward the sound of shouting. You can hear them getting louder as you stand against a pilar attached to the side of the dock. You notice the honey blonde stranger dashing toward the end of the pier you were currently on. You thanked God no one saw you as they dashed past you. You throw your head back in relief and in an instant a sharp pain rings through the back of your skull.

You groan placing your hand over your mouth and rolling your eyes at your foolishness. Your heart sinks into your ass as red and blue lights begin to come from behind you and the loud wail of a siren rings through the air. Your eyes widen in bewilderment as you quickly try to find an off switch on the unexpectedly placed 112 help box. You can hear the sounds of the boys retreat as you continuously hit the box. The siren finally coming to a halt.

You let out a sigh of relief as you slowly back out from your hiding spot. Your back meeting a warm wall. where one previously was not; you jump at the contact, whipping around you come face to face with the angelic honey blonde stranger. A gasp escapes your throat at the sudden closeness, his lips were drawn in a straight line, arms crossed over his chest. “Are you a stalker or something?” he questions, you were shocked at the amount of bass in his voice. Your eyebrows scrunch together letting out an annoyed scoff as you turn to leave. A ‘tsk’ is released from his lips as his hand grabs your hood and pulls you back into his chest; his arm snakes around your waist. You turn your head to face him, your heart races as your noses brush. Your eyes widen as you pull back, your eyes roaming over his face. They land on his alluring heart shaped lips. You wondered what it would be like to kiss them, though you don’t believe they’d feel as good as Hyunjin’s, they do look quite soft. Butterflies danced in your stomach, as his lips turned up into an amused smirk “What are you looking at?” He quips. Your face is painted a bright scarlet as you force yourself from his arms “Bye!” you call as you dash toward the direction of Yeji’s place. You can hear his deep raspy voice calling toward you as you continue your escape; completely and utterly embarrassed. Your legs refusing to stop until you finally reach Yeji’s door. Knocking as you try to catch your breath.

“Finally,” Yeji declares as she swings open her door. Her cheeks a rosy, pink, lilac fluffy blanket enveloping her petite figure. “Where the hell did you get a helmet?”

______________________________________________________________

You hate Mondays.

And not in the Garfield way or the ‘79 school shooter way. You just hate them with a passion from today on. After yesterday's rounds with Hyunjin and the motorcycle debacle your body is absolutely sore and ready to give up on itself. Regretting even getting out of bed, you stare tiredly at the gates of the university. You scowl at the crowds of people with happy smiles on their faces, coffee in hand. A yawn escapes from your throat before you could stop it, you notice a small crowd standing under the cherry blossom tree. Your hair races as you recognize the familiar blonde tresses, a smile on his lips as he slightly shoves Jisung. You take a small step forward before your movements halt; a petite brunette and what you could assume to be her friends came into to view. Her hand lay on Hyunjin’s bicep before she slowly trails it along his arm. He smiles at her leaning in and whispering something in her ear. A gut-wrenching sting fills your stomach as your throat burns with jealousy when you see him remove a petal from her hair and stroke a stray hair behind her ear. Your breathing grows shaky as tears threaten to fall.

A manicured hand snapping in your face forces you to pull your attention away from the pair. You smile as a coffee is handed to you; a pair of arms are wrapped around your neck as you come face to face with your childhood best friend, Yoo Ji-Min (who’d kill you if you called her anything but Karina. Her new name she had claimed when she declared she wanted to be an idol 5 years ago). “What are we staring at?” she questions as she places her cheek against yours releasing you from her grasp as she notices the pair. “Seriously?” she scoffs. You shake your head at her tone “They're just talking....” you mumble. She crosses her arms over her chest “Thats why I found you alone instead of over there like last year?” she growls. You shrug in response “I don’t want to bother with it right now, I'm so tired”

“What are you doing for your intro solo today?” she asks, your whole-body tenses as your eyes widen in realization “crying?” you respond. “You?! The queen of having everything planned down to the second of a song doesn’t have a plan? Like no choreo at all?” Karina gasps as she drags you along the path to the dance building. “Don't remind me, okay? I went through too much last night! And no are you crazy of course I have some choreo it's just not........up to my standards I guess” you whine as you stomp your foot pressing your chest against her arm with your chin sitting on her shoulder. “So then, you're ready” she smirks wrapping her arm around your shoulders. “You over think these things Y/N you need to relax honestly, you're a great choreographer and you're only in your second semester! Your dance is fine” she reassures you.

You shrug in response “Not this time....” your eyes can't help but drift to the pair once again. The girl leaned against the cherry blossom tree, Hyunjin stood a little too close as she giggled at something he was saying. “No! THIS time I decided ‘oh let's be special lets at stunts’ and then completely forget I even had to do the damn dance and now I'm going to make a complete fool of myself. The instructor already emailed me personally to tell me she was looking forward to my solo specifically, I can’t go in there and fall on my---BIKE!!!!” Your whines were cut off by a loud shout and the familiar roar of an engine grew louder. Hearing it come closer and closer to you, you whip your head around only to see the familiar silhouette of a motorcycle barreling toward you; quickly wrapping both of your hands around Karina’s arms you shove her back with your back pressed against her chest. Your heart races as you notice the black and red bike. Your eyes flashing to the driver, “no. Way...." You whisper to yourself in disbelief as the driver cuts off the engine and pulls off the matte black helmet. The same angelic glowing stupid face...you think to yourself. You notice a group of guys greeting him with warm cheers and hugs. A glare sits on your face as anger courses through your veins like venom. Releasing your hold on Karina you stomp your way over to the honey blonde boy.

He smiles as your eyes meet; your hands quickly meet his chest as you shove him back. A loud ‘oh’ is heard from the small crowd of boys. “That is the second and last time you almost kill me with that thing” you exclaim as you shove him again. His hand wraps around your wrist and pulls you into his chest. Fighting against his hold you notice the smug smirk on his lips. Your knee jerks into his thigh. He jumps at the close call. “If you don’t want me to hit you there let me, go cause that was the warning shot.” you growl. “Are you calm?” he questions. “I won't hit you again if that’s what you're asking” at your words his grip is released on your waist.

As soon as you were free you punched his arm

“You said!”

“I lied! Do you have a thing for almost running me over or can you just not see for shit?” He places his finger in his chin as if he were thinking “I think it’s a you thing” You glare at him “I should have let your stupid bike get stolen” you grumble as you turn to return to Karina. Your movements are brought to a halt as you notice all eyes on you. Your eyes drift over the crowd as you feel a hand on your wrist. You turn your head to the owner “Wait.” he smiles. Your heart races as your eyes meet “w-what?”

“You still have my helmet, gorgeous” he whispers in your ear. Your eyes widen in realization as you pull away from him. “Fuck! I do!” You exclaim “I'm so sorry I'll bring it to you tomorrow” your eyes fall on Karina who looked on in amusement a mischievous glint in her eye. Looking past her, you notice Hyunjin’s attention fully on you; a scowl on his face his arm wrapped in Jisung’s grip. “She your girlfriend Lixie?” One of his friends teased as you stomp past them. You glare at him, Bang Chan, the school's number 1 in academics a senior. Deciding it's better to just let it go you shake your head and stomp away.

Karina rushes to your side, her hands quickly wrapping themselves around your arm as she drags you toward the dance building.

“Explain. Now.” she demands

______________________________________________________________

You can't help the smile that remains planted on your lips as you enter the dance studio. Dropping your bags in the corner and out of the way you drag Karina to the center of the room and dropping into your position for stretching. The studio always made you find a sense of relief and comfort. You loved the way you’d lose yourself in the choreography. You were quite flexible; taking advantage of the gymnastics and taekwondo skills you’ve acquired over the years now making you able to include high level stunts in your routines. While you wouldn’t say you were the best dancer in your major, you could argue you were in the top 15. Changing from your legs open to spreading into a straddle you grasp Karinas hands as she slowly lays back.

“Damn Y/N, if I knew you could do that, I definitely would have hit that before Hwang” Jisung whispered in your ear, a scoff is released from your throat as your head whips around to see Jisung only a couple of inches from your face. Your eyes widen as you pull your head farther away from his face. “What is wrong with you?” You question in disgust as a black boot comes in contact with Jisung’s ribcage kicking him over. Your eyes trail up the person's figure, only to be met with your boyfriend's bored expression focused on you his hands sitting in his pockets. You quickly look away as your cheeks heat up, butterflies fluttering all over your stomach. “It was a fucking joke....” Jisung mumbled, as he glides across the floor next to Karina “Kiss it better?” he pouts to her. You feel a warmth surrounding you, a pair of arms wrapping around your waist. You notice Jisung staring awestruck at Karina while she did her split stretching one up and leaning back. “Do that on me please” He begs her, her cheeks burn a bright scarlet. You feel Hyunjin’s fingers losing themselves in your hair as he places his face in your neck. You tangle your fingers in his hair, a shy smile growing on your face; your ears and cheeks burning a bright scarlet at the new action.

“Oh my god! Why are you here?” Karina snaps both of your eye's flash to her and Jisung who now had his head on her shoulder “Aren't you a music major?” He lifts his head from her and places his hand on his chest “You’re keeping tabs on me?!” A sly smirk grows on his face “You should just let me give you what you want baby”

“I'd rather fuck a double-edged sword” She growls.

“Can I watch?”

“Why are you such a fan? Huh Simp Boy?”

“You act like you don’t want me” Jisung counters, his eyebrow raised. You shake your head as you roll your eyes. “Ladies” you interrupt “You’re both pretty” you groan before you reluctantly pull yourself from Hyunjin’s grasp and stand up. You can feel his eyes on you as you make your way toward the water fountain. “Where are you going?” Karina calls. “Away from whatever the fuck is going on with you two” you retort.

Taking a deep breath, you feel the uncomfortable pressure that filled you once Hyunjin’s arms encased you. That’s odd... you thought Hes never done anything like that before.

You remember the scowl embedded on his face, Jisung’s hand wrapped firmly around his wrist. You know you'd have to explain the interaction......possibly, judging by the way he, himself, was flirting with another girl this morning he more than likely wouldn’t even care. You laugh at the irony; you don’t understand why you felt so guilty when he didn’t, yet you did. “Wow helmets leave some water for the fish” A familiar deep velvety voice rings from behind you. You hate how annoyingly sexy you find it----Helmet?!?! A glare forms on your eyes as you turn to face him. “Are you stalking me or something?” A bright smile is brought to his face, your heart flutters at the action, a warmth grows in your stomach.

“Why, Helmet you seem to think highly of yourself” He quips, his eyebrow raised “Why? you into that sort of thing?” he winks. Your mouth falls agape at his question. How could someone that looks so angelic be such a.........demon. “Stop calling me that! My name is Y/N”

“Well do I have my helmet?”

“Well, no but---But nothing until I have my very expensive helmet back, you'll be whatever I call you” He cut you off “You'll have it tomorrow until then-------OKAY PEOPLE! I don’t have all day so I’ll make this quick. Places! I'm explaining this one time and one time only. You will all be doing your intro solos if you aren't prepared that’s not my problem; everyone got the email. Everyone will be required to perform a routine that best represents your dance style; you will then be paired up with another person that’s style matches your own. They will be your partner for the rest of the semester. Any Questions?” The instructor declared as she barreled through the double doors, dropping her bag and placing herself at the head of the room. Everyone's eyes roamed around the room as the stragglers began to join the semi-circle that had formed due to the instructor's abrupt entrance. You notice a familiar pixie like brunette in your place beside Hyunjin.

Great......she's here too.... you thought to yourself.

“Okay! Yang Ye-na you're up” the instructor calls as the girl stands from her spot and makes her way to the center of the room. You grow envious at the winks her and Hyunjin exchange. You notice the darkness in his eyes as he stares her down. Embarrassment fills you as you beg the ground to swallow you whole. Tears burn your eyes at the realization, He doesn’t care......You were so fucking stupid to think you were different; that he wanted you and only you. Of course, he’d want her, she was absolutely flawless. Her beautiful wavy hair pulled up in a half up half down style; her bangs framed her face perfectly. Her body was curvy in all the right places while you were just average. Hyunjin was practically a god, why would he actually waste his time on you when he could be with women on his level. You’re snapped out of your thoughts by the sounds of applause. Quickly joining in with your peers, you clap unenthusiastically.

The rest of the performances flew by, you received high praises for your choreography to ‘Unholy’ by Sam Smith. Yet, you quickly placed yourself where you previously sat and tucked your face behind your hair. Continuing your train of (over) thought. Going through the motions as everyone performed but Karina. You couldn’t help yourself when your best friend performed. Your applause louder than the rest of the class as her song came to its conclusion. A proud smile on your face. “Okay! That was the final dancer, good job everyone.” the instructor calls as she tapes a paper to the mirror. “Here are your partners” she declares as she walks toward the back of the room. Everyone quickly rushed over to the list.

Choi Yeonjun-Han Eunji

Han Jisung-Yoo Ji-Min

Hwang Hyunjin-Yang Ye-na

Jung Wooyoung- Hwang Yeji

Kang Chanhee-Kwon Eunbin

Lee Juyeon-Kim Min-Jeong

Lee Minho-Lee Chae-yeon

Lee Yongbok-Park Y/N

Son Dongju-Lee Seoyeon

Your heart sank in your chest as Karina grasped your arm examining the list. A scowl grows on her flawless feature. Her mouth hanging open as she internally rages. “NO!” she finally exclaims. You hear a chuckle from behind you, turning around your met with Jisung standing with an arrogant smirk “It's like were meant to be or something” He laughs. Karina fakes a gag as she shoves her way out of the crowd. Jisung reaches out to her “But Baby!” you couldn’t help but laugh at his antics. Shoving your own way out, you notice Hyunjin and Ye-na huddled in the corner by the speaker. A smile planted on his lips as he sat beside her. Your eyebrows scrunch together as they shift closer. You knew his reputation but at least last year he was fucking subtle. Why'd he even ask you out? You wonder to yourself. It's not like he actually acted like he was in a relationship. It was always late-night booty calls when no one could dare catch either of you leaving the others dorm. Your texts typically go unanswered and if he does take the time to respond it's always one or two words. You notice his hand now placed on her knee, as he stared at her. Wow you thought to yourself.

Your view of the pair is blocked by the one person you wished you'd never have to deal with again. “WOW!” you roll your eyes at his enthusiasm. You notice Hyunjin and Ye-na's attention leaving each other and turning it to the loud boom of the boys' voice in front of you. You finally plant your eyes on his face, his eyes are squinted adorably as his heart shaped lips formed an angelic smile. “Looks like were partners, Helmet” He states happily “It's like fate. Maybe you're like my soulmate or something?” you groan in response “or god just hates me....” you stomp your foot, grabbing your water bottle from the ground and shoving past him toward Karina.

“C’mon Helmet, don’t break my heart already” He whined as he followed you wrapping his arm around your shoulder and jostling your hair. “Yah! Do you want to die?!” you threaten as you shove him off you and fix your hair. You hold back a laugh as, Yongbok apparently, trips over his feet and comes colliding with the person walking past. Your hand smacks over your mouth as you snicker while he bows his head at the person mumbling a quick apology before springing up and reaching for you. You hold your arm out your finger pointed at him “No, whatever it is youre planning. Unplan it” you warn as you take a step back. He feigns innocence shaking his head and holding his hands up in surrender.

“Cute” he states matter of factly

“What?”

“Nothing just the fact that you thing you're scary is cute”

“Okay. No.” you hear from behind Yongbok before you feel a strong grip on your arm as you are whisked toward the door. Your eyes land on your captor, the familiar mop of blonde hair. Your eyes widen as you look at Karina pleading for her help. She sat comfortably in her position giving you a knowing smirk.

You stumbled on your feet as Hyunjin continued to drag you out of the studio. You struggle to stay up right as to you tried to keep up with his pace. Your nerves build as he pulls you into an empty studio locking the door before he shoved you against the wall. A loud ‘THUD’ rings through the room. Your eyes drift over his flawless features, an irritated glare planted on his eyes. “What the fuck do you think you're doing?” he growls wrapping his hand around your throat sending a shock to your core. Your eyebrows scrunch together as a confused pout forms on your lips “W-what?” He presses his body against yours “Dont act fucking stupid” he snaps his grip getting tigher on your throat making your panties grow wet. “Hyun, I really don’t know what youre tal---Why was he all over you?” he cuts you off. You’re completely awestruck at his question. Your mouth hangs open in disbelief, the words not coming to you

His patience grew thinner as each second passed. You hate to admit it to yourself but he has you absolutely soaked. “I-its not like that” you finally mutter “I just met him”

“When?”

“When what?”

“when did you meet him?” he asks “you two seem.....comfortable” you almost laugh at the irony, he had some nerve that’s for sure. “I mean its not really your business is it?” you quip throwing his words from last night back at him “Does it matter?” you see a fire grow in his eyes “so what? Youre fucking him now?” He spits. An offended scoff is released from your throat “Sure, I mean its not like youre the only person I've fucked for the past few months.” You argue.

“Does he know that?”

“Does Ye-na?” you counter.

A smug smirk grows on his lips, as his eyes drift to your lips. “Does he know how hard I fuck you?” Hyunjin asks as he turns you around pressing your chest against the cool wall. You whine at his rough action. “I just met him!” you declare “Yet he has a little name for you” His nip at your ear, his fingers tangling themselves in your hair gripping it roughly and forcing your head back. You groan internally at the mention of the new nickname. You hate how easily Hyunjin turns you into a whimpering pleasing mess for him. His arousal evident as he presses his member against you. His lips brush over your ear, his free hand trailing over your jaw before gripping your chin and forcing you to face him. Your bottom lip finds its way in-between your teeth. Your eyes connecting once more, his grasp on your hair tightens. Suppressing a moan, you squeeze your thighs together pressing your ass firmly against his hard member.

Your breaths fill the air as your body trembles in arousal and hints of fear. You’ve never seen Hyunjin this mad or angry in general. His eyes burned holes into you, your eyes flashing behind him. Your body jumps when you feel his soft plush lips on your throat; fingers wrapping in his hair pulling him closer to you. It was no secret to anybody, including Hyunjin, that you were weak for him. Even if you typically would not stand for half of the things, he put you through you still find yourself making excuses for it time and time again. Yet, in moments like this, where you can see that glint in his eye you can trick yourself into thinking you were more than a temporary fascination. You hate how badly you want him despite his previous actions in the day. You’ve never been the bratty type, but the look on Hyunjin’s face unlocks a new part of you. You’ve never thought to actually test Hyunjin’s limits and see how far you could take things like he’s done oh so many times before. Still, you can't find yourself stopping the words before they come out.

“Hes cute isn't he?” A mischievous smirk plays on your lips. “And he’s my dance partner. You never know what could happen when you have to be so......close” you whisper in his ear seductively. You could practically feel yourself dripping in anticipation when you feel Hyunjin’s body tense against yours; Pulling back you can't help the warmth that grows in your chest when you notice the panicked expression painting Hyunjin’s face. His jaw clenches as his strong grip returns to your hair pulling you forward so your faces were only centimeters apart. “You wanna repeat that? I don’t think I heard you correctly” He challenges, you knew this was your one and only chance to take back what you said but you felt a little rebellious considering he was all but sucking face with Ye-na; so instead you chuckle “Don’t worry babe, you’ll always be my favorite” using another one of his infamous lines. You can see why he always antagonizes you when you berate him for never knowing when to draw the line; because the panicked look on his face and possessive grip he holds on to you has you ready to risk it all.

“I better be your only” He growls as he shoves your faces closer together finally closing the space between your lips. You moan at the contact; his hand releases your chin wrapping itself around your waist pulling you deeper into his form. His teeth nibbling at your bottom lip “only me, baby” he whines against your lips “Hyun, you know I only want you” you reassure between kisses. You whine as he pulls himself away and releases his grip on your hair. A look of confusion falls on your face as you turn to look at him. A squeak is released from your throat as his arms encase your waist. His lips attack your neck leaving a wet trail along his path to your sweet spot. You whimper against him as your hands find their way under his shirt, roaming along his muscular torso. You feel a shock run down your spine and into your core as he sucked roughly on the sensitive skin leaving a large purplish red mark, as his fingers dance along the waistband of your leggings. “All mine...” he groans in your ear, the roughness in his voice making you almost cum in your panties. You nod in excitement at his words as his hand plunges into your waistband. Not wasting anytime, he quickly enters your panties his fingers teasing your slit.

You jump at the feeling, a whimper forcing its way out. “Can he make your pretty pussy this wet?” He questions as he rubs circles into the bud. You shake your head in response; He brings his fingers to a halt. You practically cry “D-daddy, please...” you beg grasping at the waistband of his joggers. “Use your words, baby” He teases “Can your little dance partner make your pussy as wet as daddy does?” You bite your lip as he begins his motions again “N-No” you moan. Hyunjin brings his lips centimeters from yours; your lips brushing ever so slightly as he continued his toying with your sensitive clit.

“No what?”

“He doesn’t even get me wet at all daddy”

Hyunjin gives you a faux pout “Aww baby, that’s cause even this tight little pussy knows who owns it” you nod in response, your eyes roll to the back of your head as he plunges two digits into your hole. His lips connect with yours as he roughly begins pumping his fingers into your core hitting the familiar bundle of nerves deliciously. His tongue brushes against your bottom lip before groaning and forcing his tongue into your mouth. You moan against his lips as his tongue dominates your mouth. Your hand palming him over his joggers, “Yeah you're doing so good, you only want to be good for me, huh baby?” His voice is rough, lips swollen as he presses his forehead against yours; his hips buck into your hand. “Y-yes daddy” you whimper “no one but you” His lips press against yours hungrily, his fingers thrusting mercilessly; you nibble on his bottom lip as your hands roam over his body. Your mouth hangs open as a familiar knot builds in your stomach. “I-I'm gonna---” your words are cut off as Hyunjin’s pace speeds up bringing you over the edge. “Fuck cum for me” He groans as his lips attack your throat. “Only daddy could make you feel this good baby, fuck... you got my cock so fucking hard” You can only respond with a moan, your fingers run through his hair pulling him deeper into you. Your legs are shaking as you come down from your high. He pulls his hand out of your pants lifting his fingers to your mouth. You connect your eyes as you bring his fingers into your mouth, his mouth hangs open at the action; pupils blown out.

“You look so pretty when you act like a little slut for me, baby” He coos

Your cheeks heat up at the praises, unable to hide your smile you bury your face in his neck. You hear a chuckle rumble through his chest, his arms tighten around your waist pressing you against him. Your cheeks burn a bright scarlet under his gaze, you pull back from him. His eyes are hooded, lust clouding over them. His tongue traces over his bottom lip, before connecting them with yours once more. A gasp is released from your throat as your back is pressed against the wall, his hand running down your thigh lifting your leg at the knee pressing you even deeper against him. Your hips buck at the contact of his clothed member “Are you gonna be a good girl and let daddy fuck you?” he groans against your lips. You nod enthusiastically, “pl-please daddy, I'll be so good for you” your hands run over his chest and along his abdomen as you pressed small kisses against his neck earning a moan from Hyunjin. The sound has you enthusiastically sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin. Your heart swelled with pride as you observed the mark you had left on his neck, your eyes trailing over him only to be greeted with a fucked-out expression on his face. Letting his forehead fall against yours, your noses brushing ever so slightly “Fuck baby....” He whispers against your lips “as much I'd love to fuck your mouth right now I need to be inside you” His hand quickly forces your leggings down around your ankles taking your panties with them before freeing his own member from its confines.

Your mouth waters at the sight, his hand wrapped around his shaft as his painfully red tip leaked precum. Before you knew it your chest was once again pressed against the cool wall. Hyunjin’s large hand cups your ass before giving it a loud, painful smack.

“Fuck...” you groan. Throwing your head back in pleasure as Hyunjin’s cock glided up and down on your folds teasing your clit.

“Please...” you whine

“Please what baby?”

“Please fuck me Daddy”

You feel Hyunjin’s hips thrust forward at your words, before pulling away slightly. ��Fuck” He growls your head whipping around to see him searching his bag and wallet a frustrated scowl on his face. “What is it?” you question removing your pants as he throws his bag to the ground “I don’t have a condom” Oh. A disappointed pout forms on your lips, you bite your lip before nervously suggesting “I mean.... I am on birth control” your eyes roam over the room before landing on him. His expression turning from frustrated, to confused before his mouth hangs open in realization. “Are you sure?” He can't even begin to try to hide his enthusiasm. “I-I mean unless you don’t want to” your voice is small, your eyes not meeting his “s-sorry I shouldn’t have suggested it” you apologize. “Come here” he calls as he sits against the sofa in the corner. You hesitantly make your way over standing in front of him shyly. His hand takes a hold of yours pulling you into his lap, so you straddle his hips. His hand caresses your cheek, “Do you want me to fuck you raw baby?” You try to hide your face in his neck as his hands trail over your thighs. He brushes his nose with yours “No, look at me” Your eyes connect as you nod biting your bottom lip grinding your bare pussy against his shaft. Weak whimpers leave your throat as he connects your lips.

“Fuck I can't get enough of you baby” He moans pressing your hips tighter against him increasing the friction on your clit. His tip continuously teases at your hole. Your hand sliding between your bodies holding his member in place before gliding him inside you slowly. Your eyes fall on Hyunjin, his mouth hung open as his head fell back against the sofa. “F-fuck...” his hands hold you in place “Don't. Don’t move yet” he struggled to get out. His heart raced as he stared at you behind hooded eyes, your cheeks a bright red. His tongue ran over his bottom lip as his cock twitched inside you. He fights the need to cum embarrassingly fast. He had just gotten inside you and he felt like he would explode already. He struggles not to thrust mercilessly into you as you press your chest against his. His lips following yours until they meet his hands guiding you up and down on his member. Hyunjin could have sworn he’d seen stars. For the many times he’s had sex, he’s never even thought to go raw but during the course of your relationship he couldn’t help but imagine the scenario every single time he was inside you. He wondered what it would be like to paint your walls with his cum. You’d always taken him so well; he gets lost in the sight of his cock disappearing inside your tight little pussy. “Look at you baby” He moans “I bet your dance partner would love to be me right now” your pussy clenches at his words.

He hated how jealous he had gotten, but how fucking dare that guy? You were his. He fought the urge to fuck up into you harshly to remind you of who you belonged to; him. “Fuck daddy you stretch my pussy out so well” you moan. He holds back a smile at the almost pornographic noises coming out of your mouth. He could never get over this feeling, he loved every moment he had a chance to spend ruining the innocence your beautiful face portrays. He loved the look on your face as you came around him. And him only. He craved your body every time he was away from you wanting to bury himself deep inside your womb and remain there. He lost his will to hold back as your lips attacked his neck once again; an action he used to detest but now he found himself praying for you to leave your mark on him. Claim him for the rest of the world to see. “You’re doing so well” He praises as his hips find a steady rhythm into your g spot. “You make daddy feel so good, baby” a feral growl is released from his chest as you come undone with a moan of his name. His resolve completely breaks as he feels the familiar knot forming in his stomach. “It's like you were fucking made for me” he laments “All mine baby fuck I'm gonna cum deep inside your little pussy” his arms hold you against him tightly his eyes rolling to the back of his head “P-Please daddy cum deep inside my pussy” you whine in his ear “own my pussy with your cum” His vision blurs as his hips stutter against yours “FUCK! I'm gonna fucking breed you baby. The whole fucking world will know who you belong to then” You connect your lips as the contents of his orgasm fill you.

He held you in place, enjoying the feeling of your lips on his. His hands guide your arms around his neck before returning to your hips. He was in deep, he knew it. Though he would NEVER let you know, he absolutely loved the way you held him as you kissed him. He hated the butterflies that filled his stomach when he’d pull away and see the reddening of your cheeks. Seeing your dance partner blatantly flirting with you all morning and you unknowingly flirting back drove him mad. His friends noticing his jealousy when they saw that guy way to close to you this morning, Hyunjin quickly became ready to risk it all the moment he saw the guy whispering something in your ear; only stopped by Jisung’s grip on his wrist holding him in place. The straw that broke the camel's back was the blush on your cheeks when he called you cute. It was bad enough for you to be partnered with the guy, but he was the only person you were allowed to look like that for. And for it to happen in front of him, he felt his blood boil and his heart clench. The possibility of you walking away from him and never looking at him like that again had his body acting before his mind could catch up to what was happening. He needed to know you still belonged to him. That the introduction of this new guy and his past mistakes wouldn’t have you looking elsewhere. He hated that he knew he didn’t deserve you, but he was selfish and couldn’t let you go. Not when this was starting to mean absolutely everything, and he would die before he lost it. “Tell me you love me” He pleads against your lips.

“I love you” ______________________________________________________________

“Can’t I just drop the class?” Karina suggests.

You give her a knowing look “I don’t know. Are you a dance major?” you question. She places her head in her hands “Out of anyone in the class, I get paired with the one guy I didn’t want to be paired with. Who did I piss off in my past life?” Yeji shrugs as she scrolls through her phone “I think you guys make a cute couple” you snicker at her words as you check your phone.

‘NO NEW MESSAGES’

You sigh in disappointment as Karina picks up a piece of bread off her tray and tosses at Yeji hitting her forehead. “Not even close to funny” Karina growls. You cross your legs a slight hiss releases from your throat at the soreness between your legs. Your chin rests on your palm “Why do you act like you hate him so much?” you question “you still in love with him or something?” Karina’s eyes widen as she quickly looks around quickly “Yah! Do you wanna die?” a faux offended scoff is released from your throat as you launch yourself from your seat dashing around the table and straddling Karina’s lap. “You’d never do that baby” you state as you wrap your arms around her neck “You love me too much” you pucker your lips leaning in pretending to kiss her; her hands coming between your bodies as she groans “Stooooooppp” A pout forming on her lips. You smile at her as and pepper kisses all over her face, smacking your hand over her mouth and kissing the back of your hand. “You’re so annoying” She whines. “I’d be less annoying if you’d just accept my love” you argue.

“Fuck” you hear from behind you “Kiss her again” Whipping your head around seeing Jisung and Changbin standing there eyes wide in amusement. Quickly shuffling off of Karina’s lap you make your way back to your seat. “Did you put a tracker on me or something?” Karina growled at the innocently deceiving boy. “Nope! Just your lucky day I guess babe” He smirks. You and Yeji share knowing glances and snicker to yourselves. “Aren't you guys one short?” Changbin asks disappointedly. “Lia had some sociology lecture or something” You reply placing your hand on his forearm as you notice his sadness. He nods dejectedly.

You felt for Changbin, despite his two friend's actions, he was the tamest of the three. Sure, he slept around as well but he was more for friends with benefits rather than one-night stands. You had noticed his lingering stares at Lia earlier last year; yet you never once mentioned it as to not embarrass the shy boy. But Changbin knew you knew his feelings for your friend. It remained an unspoken secret between the both of you. “Aren't you guys missing someone too?” Yeji questioned as she looked at you, your eyes flashing to her in contempt. She shrugs in response. The last thing you wanted was to acknowledge Hyunjin’s absence; mainly because you felt exceptionally awkward due to his request earlier due to him leaving abruptly leaving a few minutes after but also because you were afraid of the answer. “I guess he had to.... talk about something with his dance partner. He said he’d meet us here though” Changbin states as he sits a little further down the bench from you. Your heart sinks into your stomach at his words. You hate how your heartbreaks at the slight suggestion of Hyunjin and Ye-na being alone. You wanted to trust him; he’s never actually cheated on you....as far as you knew. But how could you know anything? You rarely spent any real time with him and if you did it always turned into sex within minutes.

You’re pulled out of your thoughts by a warm hand resting on your shoulder. Almost jumping out of your seat, your head turns to scold the culprit. Instead, you let out an annoyed sigh groaning before you rest your head on your arms on the table at the sight of your dance partner and his annoyingly stupidly perfect smile. “Do you need something, Yongbok?” He places his leg over the bench straddling it, his gaze locked on you. “I prefer Felix” He corrects. “I prefer being left alone yet here we are” you shrug your eyes focusing on your shoes. “Anyway” He shrugs off “Kinda hard to do considering were dance partners” you shrug in response. “But after you...ehm...left. We got a project basic hip-hop, so I'll be needing your number” Your head lifts at that not expecting him to be so close, your noses brush and you pull your head back.

“Why?” You question; your eyebrows scrunch together. “So, we can figure out a good schedule for rehersals. I hope you arent one those dancers” He states matter of factly. “One of what dancers?” you egg on. A smug smirk sits on his face “Oh, you know one of those that gives the bare minimum and relys on others to get by” you roll your eyes at his accusation, your hand quickly jostles his hair. “Yongbokie~” You coo “Just tell me you want my number” you tease. “Stop calling me that” He whines an adorable pout form on his lips. “Yongbokie~, Yongbokie~, Yongbokie~” your teasing pauses as you feel eyes on you. Looking around the table you notice Jisung and Changbin sharing worried looks; only to act obviously suspicious as they look around.

“Im not kidding!” He groans. You ruffle his hair once more before grabbing his phone from his hand; holding the screen to his face to unlock it you text yourself from his phone. He nods slightly as he lifts himself from the seat you grabbed his sleeve pulling him back down. “Dont text me first I'd rather not deal with you anymore than I have to” He places his hand over his chest “You’re a heartbreaker, Helmet” shaking your head in response as he gets up and walks away. You feel all eyes burning holes into your face, your cheeks heat up as a confused expression grows on your face “What?” they shake their heads, Karina’s eyebrow raises as her arms cross over her chest “nothing....” you nod at her.

“So whens the wedding?”

______________________________________________________________

You were greatful the rest of your classes went by without a hitch. Unfortunately for you, you were alone in the rest of them. Your stomach filled with dread everytime you’d pass Hyunjin in the hall with Ye-na stuck to his side. Smiles plastered on their lips; standing way to close for comfort. As you allowed your legs to trudge the way toward your moms convience store you find your mind wandering farther than it should have. You felt stupid honestly; why did you allow your relationship to be what it was? Why had you entered it in the first place? Apart from sex, as far as you knew, you were no different from Ye-na, Minji, Yerim, Garam and all of the other girls Hyunjin decided to pass the time with. His flirty comments and lingering touches happened to all of you. You grew tired of things not being 100% clear, because despite the odd way he had acted today; you still couldn’t tell if he genuinely cared for you or if you were something to pass the time with when he was bored. You hoped he could notice you were pulling away, since typically, you’d be trying to cling yourself to Hyunjin as you walked to work. Instead, the idea of being around him made you feel exceptionally nauseous. So, you abandoned your plan to walk to work with your 3 best friends and began your journey solo.

The day felt overwhelming in every sense of the word. You felt your throat constrict against itself as tears welled up in your eyes. Your breath shaky as a ding rings through the air. Pulling your phone out of your hoodie pocket, staring at the notification on the screen.

You shake your head not wanting to deal with this at this very moment

Your eyebrows scrunch together as you stare at his message. You can't help but feel confused; he’s never blatantly told you he wanted to see you and honestly it makes you nervous. You decide to just ignore his messages not wanting to get even more overwhelmed by him. You sigh as you push the door open to your mother's store. “Welcome to- Oh Y/N!” your mom exclaims her eyebrows scrunched together as her eyes flash to the clock. “Early for once I see” You give her a sad smile with a soft nod of your head as you walk into the back room. Dropping your bag on the empty chair behind the desk and grabbing one of the red and blue mesh vests and cash drawer. Making your way to the register, gently placing your hand on your mother's arm. “Eomma, why are you here? Wasn’t Chanyeol supposed to open?” a scowl grows on her face at the mention of your brother's name. “Aish, that boy. He didn’t even come home last night” opening the register and taking the cash drawer out. “I had to open late because I didn’t know he didn’t come home until I came down to get some things and we were closed still” she growls as she places your cash drawer in and assigning it to you.

“You should have called me. Or Karina. One of us would have come in you know” you scold “You know youre not supposed to manage the store alone” you look at her worriedly. “Im the mother here” she soothes you, her hand running over your hair. “Besides I’m not having you miss your classes, you can worry about my health when youre actually a doctor” You froze at her words, guilt crashing into your intestines like a tsunami. It wasn’t like you wanted to lie to your mother about your choice to pursue dance like your older brother but, the last time you brought up the idea of majoring in dance she—it didn’t go well. Apparently, there are no stable jobs in dance. It's not a good career path in her eyes due to your brother's failure and subsequent alcoholism. Even so, you still majored in dance and told your mother you were pursuing medicine as she had asked. How were you eventually going to break the news to her? You werent sure but you knew this was your life and you were going to live it how you deemed fit. You do love your mother, of course you loved your mother, which is why you continuously picked up the slack for your older brother; picking up shifts if you learned she would be working alone, walking her home and staying with her until morning so she didn’t have to walk home late by herself.

Ever since your older brother had returned from his failed endeavor to be an idol, you found yourself taking on a lot of the burdens for both of them. Your brother struggled with the fact that he could not make it as an idol as your mother's health deteriorates. You could only sit by and do your best to help them during their own struggles so much to the point they don’t notice yours. You were greatful to Karina for being the one other person to understand the massive change in your family as she had been there since long before your father died when you were 14. She had witnessed your struggle to cope with the loss of your father, then your subsequent depression pulling you out before you got too deep. You had been together through boyfriends and fights, rumors and friendships. She engrained herself in your family practically as a member in her own right. So much so, that at 16 when your mother had gotten her diagnosis of Susac’s Syndrome, she began working at the store with you. Karina was the only reason you could cope with everything. Which is why you were so greatful when your mother informed you that she had called her to work with you since your mother now will be going home instead of closing with you.

“The truck is coming by the way” your mother informs “Make sure you guys get most of it put away please” she pleads as she walks into the back room. You roll your eyes at her quick escape.

“Of course,”

______________________________________________________________

“Have a nice day” you call as the stranger smiles waving on their way out. Walking to one of the coolers you grab a soda before going back behind the register, pulling your phone out you scroll through instagram. The sound of the door’s beep has you shoving your phone in your pocket. Your eyes flash to the door only to see Karina making her way over to you. A smile on her lips, your eyes look at the time. “Sure. Be all smiley and shit it's not like youre 30 minutes late or anything” you scold her as Yeji enters through the door fully engaged in a conversation with Changbin. Jisung and Hyunjin followed them shortly after. Your eyes widen as you grab Karina’s forearm pulling her infront of the storage room.

“What the hell are they doing here?” You ask behind gritted teeth. An innocent pout sits on Karina’s face as she shrugs “They’re with Yeji” You roll your eyes at her “fucking Yeji...” you mumble. “I don’t get the problem” she states confused, grabbing a vest. “I didn’t really want to deal with all of this today...” you groan as you follow her back to the front. You notice Yeji scanning through the aisles engaged in conversation with Changbin, Jisung and Hyunjin just talking in the corner eyes flashing to Yeji and Changbin every once and a while. “Did you already assign yourself a drawer?” Karina asks. You nod in response “Honestly, you don’t have to stay the full time.” You suggest as Yeji and Changbin place their items on the counter. “I only really need help putting the truck away then you should be good to leave if you want” You mention as you begin scanning the items, noticing Jisung and Hyunjin making their way over to you. “And what? Leave you to close by yourself?” Karina quips crossing her arms over her chest. “Yeah, youre absolutely crazy to think you should be here by yourself so late” Yeji interjects. “Why would you be closing alone anyway?” A worried look grows on her features as she reaches over the counter grasping your forearm “what happened to your mom?”

“What do you think could have happened?”You quip. “Fucking Chanyeol...” you growl more to yourself than to anyone else. Your brother's name was all it took for Yeji’s worries to subside. You notice Changbin standing with a confused expression “Chanyeol...???” Yeji releases a sigh as you input a discount for her. “Her brother....” she answers, leaving the words to hang in the air. “Dont put that burden on me!” you groan “We just so happen to have crawled out of the same hole”

“And grew up together, pursued the same major, lived in the same house, have the same parents. Ecetera ecetera” Karina teases. You glare at her before turning back to Yeji. “Anyway, can you just run by my mom's place and make sure shes okay. I don’t know if Chanyeol has finally come back or not, and I really don’t need her to be alone right now” You beg. She gives you a small smile in return “Of course, I havent seen mom in a while. It'd be nice to check on her, maybe your brother will be there” she winks. You and Karina gag to yourselves and shudder. “Ew” Karina groans in disgust. “We need to find you someone suitable for you cause holy crap gross its Chanyeol” Karina argues as you tell Yeji the price. Your eyes flash to the street noticing a truck driving down the alley to the store. “Can you bitch and take money please; the truck is here” you sneer. You groan before walking infront of the counter and making your way toward the storage room and heading out the back door.

You smile at your delivery driver and cousin, Hong Jisoo, “Y/N?!” He smiles wrapping his arms around you. You let out a squeak as you’re lifted into his lean frame. “Oppa! Let me down!” you whine as you playfully shove at him. His lips upturning into a bright smile. “I havent seen you in like forever. Feels like youre avoiding me” He jokes as your feet touch the ground once more. You roll your eyes at him “Cause youre my most annoying cousin” you playfully shove him snatching the clipboard out of his hands. “Yah! I come out of my way to bring you things and this is how I get treated” He jests. “Oh, boo hoo how dare you have to do your job” you prod. “Im making an after-hours delivery, Y/N” he retorts. You scoff at his nerve “A late one at that” signing for the delivery before handing it back to him.“BUT, since you love me youre going to help me unload the truck?” You bring your hands together in a pleasing motion, your eyes big.

“Why can't you guys do it?”

“Karina is the only other person working”

“Your mom still lets her work the register after what happened last time?” He questions in shock. “You can fuck all the way off, Joshua” you hear Karina snap from behind you. A smug smirk grows on your cousins' lips. “You know? I havent spent any time with my favorite cousin in a while I think I'll stick around for a bit” He suggests, his eyes falling on Karina. Her eyes narrow as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Play nice you two...” You warn giving them a threatening look before opening the door to the truck. Lifting yourself inside you grab a large crate of sodas, placing it down on the ground near the door you take a step down. Placing your hands on each side of the crate, you lift it and carry it inside only to see Yeji and the boys still standing there. “Damn, took you long enough” Yeji quips. Placing the crate infront of the freezer, you let out a whine “Joshua and Karina are going to drive me crazy” You pout. Placing your head on her shoulder “Never mind what I said stay and make sure they don’t make me commit an actual murder” you plead. She shakes her head at you.

“Would it be wrong for me to leave them alone?” You question.

“Yes.”

“But Karina—would burn down the store if she was left with Joshua” she cut you off. You roll your eyes in response. You nod in agreement. “Sorry hun, I can run to your moms and stuff, but I have to meet with Wooyoung at the studio at 5.” She apologizes petting your hair softly. A pout forms on your lips as you turn at the boys pleadingly, bringing your hands together “you guys wanna become my favorite people in the entire world” Changbin looks away from you at your request scratching his neck before pretending to look at a newspaper. Jisung sits with his hands in his pockets looking at the ceiling rocking back and forth on his heels. Your eyes finally turn to your boyfriend. A look of shock fills his expression “I should already be one of your favorite people!” he exclaims in disbelief. “You’re slowly losing that title....” you grumble as you walk back toward the crate you had put down. You feel a hand wrap around your waist pulling you back into Hyunjin’s frame. “What was that? I don’t think I heard you, babe” He whispers in your ear, his voice borderline seductive.

“Go be gross somewhere else!” Karina exclaims, as she comes into the store a large box in her hands. You roll your eyes at her as you go to pull yourself from Hyunjin’s arms only to have his arms tighten around your waist. “Hyun...” you trail, his lips cutting your words off as he connects them with yours. Your eyes widen at his sudden PDA, you couldn’t help but melt into him as his tongue runs over your bottom lip. Your cheeks heat up as he pulls away, before releasing his hold on you and turning to Karina “Gross enough for you? I can make it worse if youd like” he states with a wink before turning back toward you, his hand caresses your cheek before brushing a stray hair out of your face. “I have practice as well tonight babe......” he states apologetically. You nod in response “It's fine” You smile at his use of the pet name, He gives you a worried look “Honestly I usually do it by myself, I have Karina and—OW!!” Your words are cut off by a loud bang and a scream from Joshua in the back. You and Karina dash out the door toward the backroom, a trail of footsteps follow behind you. Karina reaching outside first you notice her immediately almost fall in a fit of laughter. “Whats goin—oh crap what the hell happened?!” you bellow.

Youre greeted with Joshua sat on the ground, a milk crate all over the backroom and himself. Gallons of milk litered the ground, milk all over the ground, boxes and Joshua. “i may have made a little bit of a mess” Joshua states guiltily. “This is unreal!” Jisung laughed hysterically. Your fingers sat on the bridge of your nose. “So, I don’t have Joshua, Jisung I will literally pay you” you beg, you see him placing his chin between his finger and his thumb, thinking “How do you know I don’t have rehersal?” You stare daggers at him “Because your partner will be here dumbass! putting this truck away......forget it” You roll your eyes, turning back to Joshua “Get up, clean this, and just....” you clench your fists “put milk on a delivery for tomorrow.” You feel large hands on your shoulders, Hyunjin’s colonge fills your nostrils. His hands run down your arms, “Come here” he gestures to the front. You take a deep breath as you follow him through the door and outside. “I'll come back” he states, your eyebrows scrunch in confusion. You shake your head at his offer “It's fine, you really don’t have to I’ll be fine as long as Joshua just stays behind the register.” His eyebrows scrunch together “He’s staying?” you nod casually “Yeah, he’s helping me put the truck away I havent seen him in a while”

“I-I can cancel” Hyunjin blurts, you shake your head in response. “Hyun, it’s fine I literally can just put the truck away with Karina and make Joshua work the register I should have known better than to have his scrawny ass help me unload it” His hands wrap around your arms as he locks eyes with yours “I want to help babe I can cancel” his voice is soft. “Dont. Hyunnie its fine really you don’t have to.” You brush your hair out of your face. “I usually do it alone anyway im just never here to unload it my brother usually does it” The sound of Hyunjin’s ringtone sounds through the air, he pulls it out of his pocket. Your heartbreaks at the contact's name, Ye-na's name sat with the red faced emoji. He quickly locks the screen, shoving his phone back in his pocket. You stare at the ground “I should get back” you state hastily pulling yourself away from him opening the door. You feel a hand around your wrist

“Babe--Have a good practice” you cut him off forcing your wrist from your hand and make your way back inside.

______________________________________________________________

You were greatful for Karina, even though you now owed Jisung $100, you had finally finished getting the truck put away. Jisung having left as soon as it was unloaded as per his agreement with Karina. Your mother had sent you a text about Yeji visiting her, which you had appreciated tremendously. You had sent Karina and Joshua home at close, which was over an hour ago. Opting to do the closing procedures and cleaning projects. Purposely ignoring your phone for the majority of your shift, not wanting to confront what you had seen on Hyunjin’s phone. You knew you had a plethora of unread messages; you didn’t understand where his now oddly attentive behavior came from and as much as you enjoyed it; you didn’t understand why now? Why when you’ve finally begun to open your eyes to how messed up your relationship did, he want to put effort? You didn’t know. You’ve finally opened your eyes to everything and youre not sure where you stand at this point. Why was her contact saved like that in his phone? Well, you know why it was saved like that, but has he used it?

You groan to yourself as you struggle to empty the mop bucket, the water splashin all over your pants as you dump it down the floor drain. “Fucking great” You grumble to yourself. Your foot slides slightly as you make your way out of the back room with a sigh. Giving the store one more passover before grabbing your things and making your way out the front door. The soft wisps of wind kiss your cheeks as you lock the door behind you. You jump as two hands circle around your waist a squeak makes its way out of your throat. Quickly whipping yourself around and pulling yourself from the person's arms. Your nervousness calms as you see Hyunjin standing there a confused expression grows on your face.

“W-what are you doing here?”

“Is your phone not working?” He questioned. A dejected look plastered on his features; his eyebrows scrunched together as his plush lips drew into a pout. Hyunjin felt confused, why hadnt you answered his messages? You always answer him; you’ve never gone longer than 30 minutes without responding. were you actually mad about Ye-na calling him? Did that Joshua guy keep you occupied to the point you forgot about him? Who was that Joshua guy? Hyunjin couldn’t help the tightness in his chest, he had to explain he couldn’t just let things linger he knew that. He tried to explain that he just forgot he had her number let alone had her saved like THAT. But you had left so quickly, as you pulled away from him Hyunjin felt like his heart was going with you. He needed you to know there was nothing with Ye-na. It’s the whole reason he came here, but as he stared at you his mind was drawing a blank. He didn’t know how to approach the topic, let alone how to explain but he knew he needed to. He’s hoping you’ll just forget about it. He’s hoping him showing up and trying to fix this fucking mess that hes turned your relationship into would fix this.

He’s worried you're going to wake up one day and realize you didn’t deserve this. That you were so much better than to deal with his bullshit and leave him. His heart clenched at the thought, he couldn’t let that happen. Fuck he wouldn’t be able to handle that, he loves you. He only began considering the notion recently but today reinforced the insecurities Jisung had drunkenly planted in his head a couple weeks ago at some party. He had been talking to some music production major who he hadnt bothered to learn the name of before Jisung drunkenly stumbled against his shoulder casually whispering Karina and Yeji were also in attendance and had seen him. It was the first time since you guys had gotten together that he felt an overwhelming sense of panic. He had only been in a conversation, honestly pretty casual but the girl was making her interest pretty known and had been a little closer to Hyunjin than he would have liked but he was used to those types of things. Ever since he had hit puberty women had flocked to him and made suggestive gestures. He enjoyed the attention and the lack of effort it took to get them into bed without having to commit to something, it felt amazing. He was happy with casual sex with no feelings on his part. Of course, there were the select few that wanted more than he wanted to give them, and he’d successfully curb the whole drama aspect before it started.

Being with you was different, for some reason you were the only girl that didn’t get her hopes up the first time. You had avoided him, ignored his flirty remarks, and never gave him the time of day for a while afterward. Hyunjin had to convince Jisung and Changbin to ‘casually’ stumble upon your group of friends at break so he could see you. Only completely lucking out when Jisung had taken an interest in your best friend Karina and he could use Jisungs interest as a way to see you, but after the first couple of times you had disappeared, and he had to start all over again in his pursuit to get close to you. He’d never wanted someones attention so bad, sure he had still flirted here or there but after being with you he wanted to only be with you time and time again. So, when he had found his opportunity to get you alone, he immediately took it. He needed to be with you in some way, he couldn’t get over how perfectly your body had fit into his, how your nonchalant attitude about everything and your acting like it never even happened only made him want to scream in the middle of the quad that it did. That you had given yourself to him and in turn took a part of him with you. That you were different, and he wanted no one but you so why werent you giving him the time of day? Why didn’t you want him? Everyone wanted him, why not you? Why not the one person he wants? So, when you finally had given in to his advances, he knew he had to do whatever he could to keep you around. It started off (in his mind) as casual sex to him, a quick way to get off and have a good time but then almost immediately after he found himself getting annoyed with both Jisung’s and your former dance partner, Lee Minho’s, flirty comments to you. He quickly realized for the first time he wanted more. He was over the moon when you agreed to be his girlfriend, but for some reason he found himself keeping things at a distance. Like if held on too tight things would break, he didn’t realize he hadnt held on tight enough until that night at the party. When, Jisung started slurring about how your friends were definitely going to tell you that theyd seen him with some girl and that him and her looked like they’d probably hook up tonight; Jisung practically cheered that Hyunjin would probably be single again and they could have all the fun they wanted. Hyunjin felt bile rise to his throat as tears burned his eyes at the idea. You wouldn’t leave him.............right? Jisung looked worriedly at him, “Wait, are you okay?” Hyunjin took a harsh gulp of his drink his eyes drifting back to the cup. “She-she wouldn’t break up with me...” he mumbles sadly. Hyunjin had ended the night on Jisungs couch with tears streaming down his face at the idea of you leaving him and he couldn’t understand why.

He couldn’t understand the tightness in his chest and the need to call and beg you not to break up with him. He’s never felt the need to explain himself to anyone but for some reason he can't help but feel like he had to this time. He needed you to know nothing happened that your friends misunderstood. That you were the only person he cared about that he loved you. He wanted to tell you so badly that he realized it that night, deciding only to say it if you were to mention the party but you didn’t. You never broke up with him and he never had to reveal himself to you like that.

Having Ye-na call him and to have you pull away like you did, brought him back to that night. He didn’t even want to leave when you had gone inside, he wanted to call Ye-na and cancel. You needed his help and he wanted to help you so why werent you taking it? Why did he never even know about this place? He’d walk past it so often with Jisung and Changbin on his way to and from his dorm. How had he not known that not only do you work here but it's your mother's store? Of course, he knew little tidbits about your mother's condition and your brother's situation. But why did he not know about this? He didn’t even know you had a job, honestly, he’d never even thought about it in the grand scheme of things. How long has your mother had this store? Had you always worked after you left him when you guys walked together? Did you always close this late and have to walk by yourself? The idea made anxiety raise in his chest. You wouldn’t have walked alone......right? Youd have at least called him, he tells himself. “Were you going to walk home by yourself?” he questioned worriedly. You nod a confused look grows on your features “why wouldn’t I?”

“it's late, you could get hurt what do you mean why wouldn’t you?” His voice is full of worry. “Hyun, I do it all the time nothings ever happened im literally 10 minutes from my dorm” You state matter of factly, starting your journey home. “Why wouldn’t you call me? Why would you think it's okay for you to do something so dangerous?” He found himself growing more and more angry as the words came out. “Would you have even answered? It's not like you have before” you scoff as you begin speed walking as you roll your eyes at him. He has some fucking nerve.... you think to yourself. Hyunjin stood frozen in place at your words. A conflicted expression sitting on his face as his heart clenched. He didn’t realize how tired you actually were, not until now at least. Had you called him to walk you home before? Had he not been there for you when you needed him? “Babe....” he called dejectedly, noticing your retreating figure. “Wait! Talk to me” he exclaimed as he rushed to catch up with you. His hand encasing your wrist turning you to look at him. “Im sorry I didn’t mean---I don’t want----fuck im sorry okay” he apologized behind teary eyes and a shaky breath. “I-I—please just call me next time okay” you look at him worriedly, your heart broke at the sight. “Hyun are you okay?” your hand grasps his bicep. Your eyebrows scrunch together.

Fuck......he was in way deeper than he thought.

______________________________________________________________

Lee Felix is the absolute worst.

You completely regret agreeing to let him make the rehearsal schedule. He was an annoying thorn in your side everywhere else, but a complete drill sergeant in the studio. Early morning rehearsals, during break, after classes before you go to work, after work. The days you don’t even have classes you have rehearsals, due to the overly nitpicky boy. You thought you were over-prepared, until you met Felix. You did appreciate the fact you both would not be happy until the whole dance was perfect in both of your eyes. BUT the guy seemed to forget you had a social life and other priorities even though he himself has now not had a choice and worked a shift at your mothers' store with you. You hated that the longer you guys continued your crazy rehearsal schedule the less and less time you had to see Hyunjin and your friends. You had finally convinced Felix to allow at least Karina and Jisung to watch the rehearsals and give critques. He was oddly warmly welcoming to the two, yet only asked for Karina’s opinion on the dance.

“Honestly, when it gets to the bridge Felix I can see you a little off with the timing can I see you run it again like just you this time?” She states professionally completely emerged in her dancer mindset. You gave a sigh of relief before laying completely on the ground, chest heaving as you reveled in the break you had finally gotten. You noticed Jisungs eyes on you “can I help you with something, Hanji?” he sat quietly his arms crossed over his chest “Do you like this guy or something?” He asks accusingly. You sit yourself up rapidly “What the hell did you just say to me Han Jisung?” your tone is no longer friendly. A scowl sitting on your face. His expression follows yours “Do you. Like. This. Guy. Or. Something?” He repeats behind gritted teeth “Did you forget I have a boyfriend?” You growl your arms crossing over your chest.

“No. It sure seems like you did though”

“You’re fucking joking, right?!”

“So why isnt Hyunjin allowed to be here? Why is it only you two all day every day? Are you cheating on Hyunjin?” He snaps before standing up and clenches his fists. Your resolve breaks at his questions, you jump to your feet your hand quickly connecting with his cheek “ASK, FELIX! IVE BEEN ASKING FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS FOR HYUNJIN AND ALL OF YOU TO FUCKING BE HERE! AND IM NOT YOU OR HYUNJIN OR CHANGBIN THAT CAN JUST FUCK RANDOM PEOPLE AND BE OKAY WITH IT! AND YOU WANT TO SIT HERE AND DEFEND YOUR FRIEND THAT DOESNT EVEN GIVE A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT ME ENOUGH TO LITERALLY DO ANYTHING BUT FUCK ME AND LEAVE! GET OUT JISUNG! NOW!” Karina and Felix step inbetween you and the boy, Karina’s arms wrapping around your waist holding you in place so you couldn’t get another hit on Jisung. “YOU OBVIOUSLY DONT KNOW YOUR FRIEND WELL ENOUGH JISUNG! IF HE HAD A PROBLEM THEN WHY IS HE FUCKING YE-NA?! WHY ISNT HE THE ONE HERE SAYING ANYTHING? BECAUSE HE AND YOU DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP! FELIX KNOWS ABOUT HYUNJIN! HE KNOWS I WANTED MY BOYFRIEND HERE AND TO BE WITH ME FOR MONTHS! HYUNJIN IS THE REASON WHY HYUNJIN ISNT HERE CAUSE EVEN IF I ASKED HIM TO COME, HE WOULD HAVE SAID NO LIKE HE ALWAYS FUCKING HAS! SO WHY BOTHER ASKING ANYMORE?! YOURE LOOKING FOR A REASON FOR HYUNJIN TO BE SINGLE! YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU GOT IT! YOU AND YOUR FRIEND CAN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE” you growl ripping yourself from Karina’s arms grabbing your bag and storm out the dance studio.

You notice Hyunjin and Ye-na, in conversation as they casually walk in the direction you came. Hyunjin’s eyes meet yours, a concerned look growing on his face. As you got closer to the pair, he extended his arm to try to stop you “Baby you okay whats wron--” his words are cut off by you quickly shoving his hands away and continuing on your path facing him. “Ask your best friend. And just leave me alone” you scoff as you turn away from him. “Wait, what?” he called after you “BABE!” you kept walking, ignoring his calls. Shoving your way out of the Dance building, you keep your legs moving, your eyes plastered to the ground as you walk toward the exit.

“Helmet!” You hear call from behind you, you shake your head and keep going. “Y/N! Come on you know I don’t run that fast” Felix whines. You halt your movements, tears welling in your eyes as Felix encases you in his arms. “I’m sorry......” you cry into his shirt. His hand pets your hair “what happened? Me and Karina are so confused” you shake your head not wanting to get into it “It’s nothing” He scoffs in amusement “Nothing. If it was nothing, then why did you hit Jisung like that? And why did Hyunjin come into the studio absolutely fuming and lose his shit on Jisung? what happened?” You took a deep breath, taking a seat on the stone wall behind you, before explaining the parts you understood. Why Hyunjin went into the studio and yelled at Jisung wasn’t your business nor did you have a real explanation for it. But you were greatful for Felix, though your friendship began as more of a rivalry thing you both had learned to appreciate the others insights and each other as a dancer. And after you had finally returned his helmet (after 4 days of him asking about it) you began to notice how nice and funny he actually was. You now found the nickname Helmet almost tolerable and gotten to know him over the past month. “well, Jisung is pretty rude to think you were my type, Helmet” Felix jokes nudging your shoe with his, You playfully smack his arm “Youre an ass.....but I just got so pissed because like Jisung KNOWS everything about my feelings for Hyunjin And for him to act like he has a right to ask me questions like that—tch.” you explain “and with YOU?!” you fake a gag before guilt sets in “but I didn’t have to hit him”

“You acted in the moment, and you’ll apologize later” He smiled “Can we go back and run through it one more time though? Karina telling me I was off is really getting to me?” He begs

______________________________________________________________

You felt absolutely drained. One more run through turned into 2 more hours of rehearsals. Your body ached as you wiped the sweat from your brow. “One more time," he said. I'll be on beat if we do it one more time” you sneer toward Felix, who stood in the center of the room hands on his knees as he gasped for air. “Shut. Up.” He groans between breaths. “yeah, sure Lix you think you got it cause im not sure if I'll be able to do another run through” you groan “At least im not doing no damn flips that’s for sure” you state hands on your hips. He shakes his head as he makes his way over to his bag grabbing his water bottle out. You finally checked your phone, only to see a flurry of messages from Karina and Hyunjin. Sighing to yourself you click on Hyunjin’s notifications.

Opting to ignore Hyunjin’s messages, you decide to see why Karina had blown up your phone.

You roll your eyes at her last question, of course that’s what she’d be worried about.

You respond before putting your phone back into your bag and saying your goodbyes to Felix. You were happy your dorm was a short 15-minute walk from the campus, spending majority of the day in the studio was not ideal. You couldn’t wait to take a shower and lay in bed forgetting about this whole day. You had no clue why Jisung had acted the way he did, but you still felt terrible about hitting him. You werent sure as to why he immediately assumed you were intimately involved with Felix, while he was an attractive guy, he 100% was not your type and you were definitely not his.

You felt utterly stupid, for even begging for him to even be accepted by Felix in the dance studio, you can see why Felix was so reluctant he wasn’t a dance major, so he’d focus on things that werent important. You had argued that he’d probably sit quietly on his phone, you wished you would have just accepted Felix’s offer to let Hyunjin sit in, due to his also being another top dancer in our class. You were so tired of thinking about it and just opted to not let anyone but Karina into the studio from now on. You were happy that the walk went by in no time, but you were halted as you saw Hyunjin sitting on the ground next to your door. His eyebrows scrunched together eyes not leaving his phone. You sigh as you slowly make your way over, Hyunjin noticing you as you stand in front of your door unlocking it. “So what? youre not talking to me anymore or something?” He scoffs, you can hear hurt in his voice. “I don’t have time to deal with this right now Hyunjin” you stoicly explain. Hyunjin couldn’t help the crack in heart at the use of his name. What did he do? Why were you treating him like this? Jisung couldn’t say much behind his panicked stammering so Hyunjin couldn’t understand what happened. All he could get was Jisung was sorry, and you wanted nothing to do with him anymore. When Hyunjin heard that he couldn’t hold himself back quickly grabbing a hold of Jisungs collar, “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!” He had lost himself; he knows that, but you had never not talked to him. You’ve never pushed him away let alone told him to leave you alone. He didn’t know what happened with Jisung and You, but he knew he needed to figure out why his whole relationship had gotten put on the line.

“Just tell me what happened!” he begs his hand grasps your arm, his free hand caressing your cheek “Babe, talk to me” you feel tears well in your eyes. Hyunjin’s arms encased around your figure his hand caressing the back of your head as you struggled to hold back tears. “Can I bring you inside?” He asks softly, you nod against him tightening your grip on his waist. He let out a sigh of relief, he stood there for a moment enjoying the feeling of you in his arms. You fit so perfectly in his arms, just knowing youre accepting him again has his heart racing so wildly he knows you can hear it. And for once he doesn’t care. He just wants you to talk to him again, look at him so brightly like you always did. Just the simple act of you using his full name made him almost burst into tears. He didn’t know why you were angry with him, but he knew he wouldn’t let it last long if that was the result. Hyunjin never wanted to feel that sense of panic again. He reluctantly let you go as he entered the code to your door. You slowly trudge your way in until you finally enter your room, dropping your bag, you lay yourself down on your bed. Hyunjin slowly follows behind you before placing himself over you. His hand strokes your hair “Whats going on baby?” his voice was soft as your eyes connected. You noticed the concern sitting deep within them. You shake your head “Nothing its nothing” you sigh. He gives you a frustrated pout “Babe. It's not nothing” he eggs on “Please tell me what happened please” your arms wrap around his neck as you press your lips against his pulling him closer to you.

He responds quickly taking control pressing you deeper against the bed, you moan against his lips as his hand runs up your side. Your tongue traces over his bottom lip, he allows you entry. Your tongues battle before he gains dominance. Your fingers playing with his hair, pulling yourself closer so he can have more access to your mouth. He moans at your taste, “Fuck baby we need to stop” he pulls away slightly placing his forehead against yours. Both of your breaths are heavy “why?” you whine before placing soft kisses against his throat. “Because I need to—fuck—know what happened” he stated behind gritted teeth. You knew his resolve was breaking, you just needed a little push. With faux disappointment you sigh “Fine” before signalling for him to let you up. You stand outside the door to your private shower pulling your shirt off. “What are you doing?” He asks behind a suspicious glint in his eye as he lays himself on your bed, his hand behind his head as he kept his eyes on you. You shrug as you pull your leggings off “Felix made me spend literally all day in the studio I need to shower youre more than welcome to my bed apparently” you state sarcastically a sly smirk on your face as you enter the bathroom leaving the door cracked slightly.

Hyunjin could hear the shower running, his eyes stayed stuck to the door. He knew what you were doing, he knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself. How could he when you were literally offering yourself up on a silver platter? He already had to force himself to stop when you kissed him, he took a moment to revel in your taste. Fuck, he was addicted to your lips. His cock twitched at the sight of you stripping for your shower. His hands were shaking as he continued to stare at the partially open door. He could just come in at any time if he wanted, yet he couldn’t tell if it was intentional. You’ve never been a tease, not with him at least. You always gave into him and his advances, but you’ve also never left the bathroom door open if you were showering. He wanted to come in so bad and feel your naked body shiver under his touch. He could feel his determination growing thinner and thinner the longer he imagined your petite figure, completely naked and from how badly you made it seem like you wanted him he knows more than just your body is wet. He knows he has to maintain his composure so he can get real answers from you, so you know this wasn’t just sex to him. That you could tell him what happened and he’ll do whatever he could in his power to fix it; but the more he thought about it, you seemed to not even care about your words to Jisung and allowed Hyunjin inside, you held onto him with tears in your eyes in the hallway, you had kissed him and not the other way around. Maybe you didn’t want to talk about what happened with Jisung, and if it doesn’t seem to be ruining your relationship anymore, maybe he shouldn’t bring it up again.

His resolve absolutely crumbles like the lost city of Troy, you exit the bathroom drying your hair, towel in your hands and not wrapped around your body. Hyunjin could no longer control the need to be inside you, to feel you submit to him and let him give you immense pleasure. He rapidly jumped from your bed and behind your naked figure. His hand immediately ripped the towel from your hands and tossed it across the room, taking the opportunity to grip your hair forcing your head back almost sitting on his shoulder. “What are you doing?” he growls behind hooded eyes. You look up at him innocently, “nothing daddy” you state sweetly, his hand smacks down harshly on your ass causing you to squeak and jump at his action.

“Dont lie to me, baby” He warns in your ear. You can feel yourself practically dripping in excitement, you had to contain your smile as Hyunjin fell perfectly in your trap. You knew you’d at least be able to do some form of seduction at some point in the time he chose to be here, you just didn’t know it would just ta cke a simple shower with the door open to completely break him. You figured you were going to have to do more, but you were happy you didn’t have to work so hard for it. “I-I’m not I just took a shower daddy” you reaffirm. “It seems like you just want to be punished, I know what you’re doing” He loosens his hold on you “On the bed. All fours. Now" he demands as he forces his shirt over his head, and you quickly rush over to the bed and position yourself. You feel his hand caressing your ass before sliding down toward your entrance.

You feel his fingertips on your core, your legs shake in anticipation. “You’re fucking soaked but you weren’t doing anything?” He quips “Acting like a bitch in heat is nothing?” You stay silent, whimpering as he growls at you. You can feel his fingers teasing your slit, you push yourself back against his hand to add some pressure to your bud. “Fuck---you want daddy to fuck you huh?” He groans as he feels your juices all over his fingers. You nod excitedly, only to be met with another harsh smack of your ass. His hands grip your hair forcing your head back “Use your words babygirl” Your eyes burn with tears “D-daddy f-fuck me please” you beg.

“I'll be so good for you I promise, I need you inside me please daddy” He could feel his pants growing exceptionally tight, quickly forcing them down. “I would prep you baby but fuck it's been way too long since ive fucked you” Rubbing his tip against your slit, before gliding himself inside of you. Your head is thrown back, your mouth hangs open; a loud gasp is released from your throat. Hyunjin’s eyes roll to the back of his head at the feeling, fuck he didn’t realize how long it had been until he was finally back inside you.

“S-so fucking tight baby” He groans as he gently glides himself out before thrusting harshly back inside you immediately hitting your sweet spot. “Fuck daddy” you moan “It's so big, feel so—ngh—feel so full” your need to adjust to his size completely gone from his mind at your words as he begins rapidly attacking your core; his hand with a death grip on your hair as he forces you back on his cock. His free hand taking a hold of your waist to keep you right where he wanted you. His eyes traveling to where your bodies are connected, He throws his head back as his mouth hangs open. He almost, heavy on almost, grabbed his phone and had this moment saved in a hidden folder he kept of similar images and videos you had sent him. His pace is unrelenting as he revels in the practically pornographic noises coming from your throat. “Fuck youre doing so good baby come here” he moans as he pulls himself out of you and lays on your bed. “Come ride me baby” He looks at you, a pleading look on his face as he stroked himself.

You quickly straddled his lap; he presses his lips against yours as you ease yourself onto his length. His arms immediately wrapping themselves around your waist pressing your chest against his. He whines against your lips at the snail pace you’ve chosen to go. His eyes watering with tears at the need to fuck you into oblivion. Your moans and taste only doing more to drive him deeper into insanity. He was so fucking happy you didn’t even think about a condom, the warm velvety feeling of your walls on his bare cock being the only thing he could focus on. His mouth follows after yours as you sit yourself up on his chest, your hands placing themselves on his pecks before speeding up your movements. Hyunjin could tell by how tight your pussy had gotten around him, the way your eyes rolled, and your head hung back that you were close. His hands place themselves under your thighs lifting you slightly as he pounded rapidly into your core. “FUCK--its—it's too much. D-daddy im gon-gonna---Cum for me baby. Fuck please cum around my cock baby.” His voice strained. His vision blurred as you came undone around him.

Quickly, flipping you both over; pressing you against your bed legs wrapped firmly around his waist as he chased his high “Fuck!” he exclaims “Who owns this tight little pussy?” he groans against you. “Y-you do daddy” you moan weakly. He can see you struggling to keep your eyes open at the harshness of his attack on your core. His hand wrapping around your throat “Fuck can—can I cum inside you baby?” He bites his lip, his tone is soft almost inaudible, yet you still heard him and eagerly nodded and begged for him to finish inside you. He buried his face in your neck leaving wet hungry kisses against it as he felt the familiar tightness in his stomach.

“Fuck baby im gonna fucking breed you so well” He groans against your throat. “You want that, babygirl? You want daddy to fuck a baby into you?” he can feel you tighten around him at his words. You can feel the knot forming in your stomach, your arms wrapped around his neck as he pressed your bodies closer together. You felt his fingers on your clit bringing you closer over the edge. “You take daddy’s cock so well—nghhh—fuck I-I--” His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he climaxes deep inside you. Reattaching his lips to yours his hand caressing your face as he pulled himself out of you. Your legs were shaky as you stared at his figure disappearing in the bathroom only to return with a washcloth.

Hyunjin’s mind was all over as he helped clean you up. He almost told you he loved you, he mentally face palmed. That was the last way he wanted to tell you how he felt. His worries quickly fading as he sees your fucked out form, struggling to stay awake as he cleaned you both off. He watched you turn to your side back to him before laying himself back into your bed for the first time since you two had gotten together. His heartbreaks at the confused look you give him as he wraps his arms around you. You open your mouth to say something as he quickly cuts you off before you can say anything “Im staying” he states softly kissing the back of your head

“Get some sleep baby”

______________________________________________________________

To say you were anxious would be an understatement.

When you had received the email from your professor after you and Felix were able to present your routine stating you and Felix would also be in the schools showcase and representing the dance program with your outstanding choreography, you had completely rejected the idea. Not only would that put a hindrance on your mothers not knowing about you majoring in dance, but you would have to dance kinda of sexy with Felix, infront of the whole University and whoever else decided to come to the well-known showcase. BUT Felix seemed really excited about the whole thing and was happy to have been the chosen pair over Hyunjin and Ye-na. Who were also contenders for the top pair in your program, it had been months ago but apparently your first effort as partners really impressed the instructor and she had informed a friend of hers at JYPE who will now be watching the showcase.

Your heart sunk into your ass as you stared out the curtain at the large crowd. You noticed the smiles on the crowds' face as Jisung, Changbin, and surprisingly Bang Chan (who apparently is also a music production major) finish up their set. Your eyes scan the crowd, you notice Yeji, Karina, and Lia all placed in the front row eyes wide with pride and excitement. Your hands are shaky as you nip at your bottom lip, a habit only done in your nervousness, you rub your palms against your dress. You can feel Felix’s eyes on you “Do I look as nervous I feel?” You question looking at him pleadingly. He scratches the back of his neck as he looks everywhere but you. “Yongbokie~” you whine extending the pronunciation of his name with a stomp of your foot. He places his hands on your arms looking directly into your eyes “Dont worry remember im right there and weve done this so often you can do it in your sleep”

“PLEASE HELP US WELCOME LEE YONGBOK AND PARK Y/N FROM OUR DANCE PROGRAM” Your eyes widen at the introduction. “Showtime” Felix’s sings as he walks toward the other end of the stage as the music begins. You stand frozen taking deep breaths as you and Felix stare at each other from across the stage, he gives you a reassuring smile and thumbs up as you both make your way out into the public eye.

(Song- Breathless- Luke James and Jude Demorset)

Yeah Oh yeah Oh, honey Why you looking like that

Didn't I tell you I'd have you hooked By the morning you'll be coming back, oh

You both take slow fluid steps as you walk toward each other, eyes on the other until you reach him, you make a flirty smile as you place your hand across his chest on his shoulder his hand around your waist as you circle each other eyes locked. Oh, baby Why you making that face Like you didn't accept that my body would have you so out of place Oh, baby

You remove your arm from him, turning your head away as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind. As you step toward the front of the stage, with a soft lift of your leg behind you between Felix’s legs as his hands grab yours while you dip and sensually lift yourself. Honey, don't worry You are on your way to heaven Just relax (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

You both pull away and begin making your way to opposite sides of the stage as the music comes to its climax. Your heart no longer shaking, as confidence fills you. Before launching yourself across the stage, toward Felix’s waiting figure. You aerial once you were near him landing perfectly infront of him, your dress flowing beautifully with the choreography.

I don't wanna hurt you I just wanna blow your mind Tonight Imma leave you breathless Breathless (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

Felix’s arms wrap around you as you gracefully turn in his arms, your head bent back whilst your arms are in 5th position. You backbend landing into a split.

Girl I know I'm a rebel Really hope that you don't mind I just wanna leave you breathless Breathless (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

Felix’s hands help guiding you up as he guides you back up to your feet over your head turning you both around slowly as you extend your arms a smile plastered on your face as you flip yourself over his head and back onto your feet

Baby, I don't bite

Felix’s steps are smooth and fluid as he steps toward the front of the stage his hand coming up to cover his chin and mouth as he faced you his other arm wrapping around his torso

Maybe I'm lying But I promise I'm gonna do it right, oh

on beat his head goes faces each side his arms moving gracefully as he extends his arm to the crowd before spinning and giving the audience a flirty smile and wink as he extends his hand toward you.

Honey, don't worry You are on your way to heaven Just relax (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

You point your toe as you walk toward him, your arms moving with the beat before Felix grasps your hand and lifts you over his head. Slowly turning you around as your dress adds another beautiful element to the choreography. You smile at each other at the use of the dirty dancing lift. You both struggle not to laugh as he guides you back down. I don't wanna hurt you I just wanna blow your mind Tonight Imma leave you breathless Breathless (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh) Baby I know I'm a rebel Really hope that you don't mind I just wanna leave you breathless Breathless (Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)

You spin your arms guiding your spin before you jete. Standing on one foot as you lift your leg behind you extending your arm up into an Arabesque. You drop to one knee both of your arms crossing into an X over your chest as you tuck your head. You bring your head up elegantly, as your arms extend over your head and back flip into a standing position your arms straight up. You turn into Felix’s arms, his hand wrapping itself around your waist as you place your hand on his chest, your faces inches from each other as the song comes to a close.

Your chest is heaving as you hear the roar of applause from behind you, turning to the crowd you take a hold of Felix’s hand taking a bow before pulling him off stage. A large smile playing on your lips, Felix is giddy as you guys made it off stage. You wrap your arms around his neck “That was fucking awesome!” you declare as Felix laughs in disbelief. You smack his arm as you pull away “How were you so calm? you werent nervous at all?” You question, he scoffs at your words “I WAS TERRIFIED! Theres a scout from JYP out there I was fucking terrified, you couldn’t tell?” he exclaims. Your eyes widen in disbelief “NO! FELIX!” He shrugs as he lifts his hand to point behind you. You turn your head in the direction he was pointing in only to see Karina, Yeji, Lia and your mother and brother running up to you. Your heart sinks at the sight of your mother, you look at the ground in embarrassment. Karina is the first to reach you wrapping her arms around your neck “You were fucking amazing! Is this why Felix is such a dick about people coming to your practices” She exclaims giving a small playful glare to Felix. He rolls his eyes at her words “What the hell are you talking about I’ve invited you” he argues as she removes herself from you. “Guys---” your words are cut off by Yeji and Lia wrapping themselves around you.

“You did so good!” they exclaimed; you laugh at their insync jinx. Your eyes drift to your mother and brother standing behind them, wide proud smiles on their faces. You pull yourself away from the two. Trudging your way over to them, you look at the ground. You feel your brothers' arms wrap around you, “I-I’ve never seen you dance before” his voice is filled with tears you notice the lack of liquor smell on him, only a strong colonge. You feel tears welling in your eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?” You can hear the heartbreak in your mother's voice. “Eomma!” you cried as you wrap your arms around her “I'm sorry...I wanted to tell you! I did but you were so disappointed at the idea I didn’t want to hurt you” you cried. She shook her head as she wrapped her arms around you “you could never disappoint me, I'm sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t tell me" She wiped your tears “You’re an amazing dancer, you remind me of your father”

“Hi Im Felix” Felix exclaims excitedly extending his hand toward your brother a large bright smile on his face.

______________________________________________________________

You were greatful for the showers in the female dressing room.

After your overwhelmingly emotional moment with your family, you quickly rushed into the dressing room, undressing and quickly making your way into the warm water waiting for you. You can hear the dressing room open, the murmur of voices making their way into the vanity room. Choosing to enjoy your shower you grab your shampoo and lather it onto your hair. You hear a crash from the strangers in the next room.

“Ye-na what is going on?!” her friend exclaimed as you heard more crashes from the room. You hear a pause before you hear the familiar screech of Ye-na's voice “I just don’t get Hyunjin, I thought we were like going somewhere but apparently not” she snapped. Your ears perk up at the sound of your boyfriends name. Your eyebrows scrunch in confusion. “what do you mean?” her friend inquires. “I mean he had no problem sleeping with me at the party the night before we started classes and now all of a sudden I don’t fucking exist!!” your heart breaks at her words. He slept with her.....tears well up in your eyes. He slept with her the same night he slept with you. You scoff in disbelief.

“Wait doesn’t he have a girlfriend?” her friend questions. You press yourself against the shower wall, waiting in anticipation. Your heart pounded against your chest, your hands shaky. Your shower long over but you were frozen in place under the rapid cascade of the water. “He said they werent anything serious” You could hear the smirk on her lips. Nothing serious? You heard the door close. Turning the water off, you slowly make your way out of the shower. Grabbing onto the towel you allow the tears to fall. You feel your body trembling as you hold the towel against your chest, leaning against the doorframe. Nothing serious..... that’s what you were to Hyunjin. Nothing serious. Pulling your phone out you see new messages from Felix, your tears cascading down your face. Quickly responding to him you pull your long sleeve skin tight shirt and black sweats on.

You hear a soft knock on the door. Wiping your cheeks you crack the door slightly, only to be met with a set of soft concerned eyes staring back at you. Once his eyes landed on your sobbing form, he wraps his arms around you pulling you into his chest. You sobbed against him as he cooed in your ear. “what happened? You were just so happy what changed?” He questions. Sniffling as you pull back you explain what you had overheard. You notice a change in his demeanor, his fists balled up at his side. “Youre kidding right?” He growls behind a clenched jaw. You shake your head as you grab your bag “Can you please just bring me home?” you plead. He runs his hand through his hair. “Arent you going to talk to him?” He inquires. Shaking your head rapidly “Not....Not now” You state dejectedly “Not today”

“Honey, theres no day but today.”

“Ill do it another day Lix forreal I cant handle anymore right now”

He shakes his head “No. Youre doing it today. Theres literally no day you should even do it but today. You don’t think hes going to figure out youre avoiding him?”

*PING*

Your phone sounds. Seeing his contact name pop up you open his message.

Quickly, locking your phone without responding you turn your attention back to Felix. “Can you bring me home? Yes or No? Cause if not I have to leave now while I still havent seen him”

*PING*

Rolling your eyes at his nerve to be annoyed. “Felix~!” you beg as your phone goes off once more. Irritation filling you at his words. “Fine, BUT you owe me” Felix groans pulling your attention away from your phone for a second. “nice to know your profiting off of my misery some friend you are....” You groan as you finally respond to Hyunjin.

You smile to yourself at your petty use of the nickname you called Felix that Hyunjin absolutely hated. Feeling quite proud of yourself as your phone goes off with countless messages now being ignored. Walking with Felix out of the auditorium and into the parking lot you see his familiar black and red motorcycle. You hesitate at the thought of actually getting on it. Felix grabs his spare helmet and holds it out to you. Grabbing a hold of the item you feel a hand wrap around your wrist and turn you around. Your eyebrows scrunch together as you force your hand out of the persons grip. Your heart cracks once more as you come face to face with Hyunjin, an irritated scowl on his features. “Is there something you want?” You growl.

“Yeah why the fuck are you going home with Felix?” He snaps back. “Woah, okay dude relax she just asked me for a ride home” Felix quips from behind you. You can see the fire in Hyunjin’s eyes “Are you my fucking girlfriend?!” he spits. Felix chuckles to himself “She wont be your girlfriend for long....” he mutters under his breath as he rolls his eyes. “Y/Nie~, ill wait over there for you just let me know when your ready to go” Felix states calmly as he wraps one arm around your shoulder giving you a small side hug before ruffling your hair and walking over to the bench by the entrance.

You nod softly before looking at the ground. “What the hell is your problem?!” you snap, you notice the confusion on Hyunjin’s face. You’ve never really truly yelled at him before so to say he was shocked would be an understatement; but his shock was soon replaced with anger as he growls “MY PROBLEM?!” you nod before shoving him back slightly “Yeah! Your problem. Why are you such a dick to Felix? Hes been nothing but a good friend to me, and you always act like such an ass to him for literally no reason”

“Why cant you see he wants to be with you?!”

“WHY DOES IT MATTER?!” You snarl “Its not like we’re anything serious right?”

You cant help but feel guilty as you see hurt flash across Hyunjins face “We’re- we arent anything serious?” His voice is laced with pain. “Why would—why would you say something like that?” you notice tears in his eyes his voice growing shaky. “Its what you told Ye-na right?” You stare at him, tears filling your eyes as you remember why you wanted Felix to bring you home. “what?......” His voice is so small its almost inaudible “w-where did you hear that?”

“So its true? Nice to know” you state matter of factly crossing your arms over your chest as a stray tear makes its way down your cheek.

“N-no! I didn’t--I wouldn’t---I never told that to anyone. I am serious about us” He declares in a panic as he reaches for you, you take a step back. “Babe....” He pleads. “i swear I-I never said that to Ye-na" you shake your head at him lifting your hand “And shes just so delusional that she thinks you two slept together as well right?” Sarcasm drips off your tone like venom. His face drops his mouth hanging open to say something before closing it again unable to find the words. You scoff at his hesitance “So you did. You slept with her?” He steps close to you once again you step back.

“not recently......”

“Please just—just delete my number” Your hurt obvious in the way your voice cracks, Hyunjin’s tears begin to fall “What?” His voice is shaky “N-no. Why?” you shake your head in disbelief “Because you cheated on me Hyunjin are you stupid or something?”

“No I didn’t I swear! Baby I never cheated on you, me and ye-na was a long time ago before us please belie-believe me” His hand finally is able to wrap around your wrist pulling you into him burying his face in your neck. You shake your head as you attempt force your way out of his arms “Let. Me. Go.” You growl. Hyunjin shakes his head as his arms wrap around you tighter “No! No I cant” he cries “I cant youre going to leave” you continue your fight as you feel your shirt growing wet, Hyunjin’s form now trembling. “please! I cant lose you please.....I would never---I could never cheat on you please don’t go please just listen to me” He sobbed. You look over to Felix signalling him to come back and start his motorcycle. You shake your head “I cant. I cant do this anymore Hyunjin”

“NO! Stop please im Hyunnie, your Hyunnie. Please, please I don’t know what else to do babe I didn’t cheat on you. Im serious about us im so fucking serious about us please believe that! I cant lose you, not like this, not because of her I swear nothing happened with her in so fucking long. I’ve only been with you. I only want you please at least let me prove that” He pleads as you hear the roar of Felix’s engine. Finally pulling yourself away from his arms, you take one final look at Hyunjin’s face. He still looked absolutely perfect, even as he cried. Your heart raced as you felt his lips press against yours. Your resolve almost crumbles as his lips moved against yours, the taste of his tears mixing with your own. Pulling away he presses his forehead against yours his hands on either side of your face. “Im sorry, I just cant trust you.” you cry, he shakes his head “please don’t do this, I love you please” he pleads, youre heart breaks at his confession. Taking a step back. “let’s........break up” you declare softly as you hop on the back of Felix’s bike and tap him signalling for him to drive away.

Ignoring the flurry of calls and text messages now flooding your phone you allow the tears to fall completely and whole heartedly, you sob into Felix’s back.

#hyunjin angst #hyunjin smut #hyunjin fluff #stray kids angst #stray kids smut #stray kids fluff #skz hyunjin #skz felix

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