#Am i crazy. Yeah. Whatever

[astergore]

something something stress desperation and murder

[otome-dissection]

Idk man I just think that mizu/ena5 and its progression was really beautiful actually. I just think that the release of the ena5 song was also really beautiful and kind of the nail in the coffin for me and I haven't been able to get the event(s) out of my head all week and that I kind of want to talk about it, actually.

It's about being hurt so deeply and continuously that any kindness that could be offered to you manages to feel like a sin, that it makes you crumble and shatter but for all the wrong reasons, not because of the newfound safety, not out of relief, but something worse and more deeply ingrained in you than kindness ever was. It's about carefully measuring the distance at which you keep others away from yourself, to ensure that it never happens again ("To save yourself the trouble", if that makes it easier).

It's about realizing that the people you've been spending all this time with are drifting closer, that they just might bump up against the unsightly parts of yourself that you've tried to keep locked away, it's about turning around and sprinting at full speed and slamming the door shut and holding onto the handle behind you to stop it from turning, because you're as frightened of the possibility of another wound being inflicted on you as you are of the possibility that kinder, gentler hands will reach out and smooth over the exposed scar. It's about hating eyes that judge and silently condemn you as much as you hate eyes that simply see you and take all of you in without scrutiny, because no matter what they're looking and they're looking at you and they know that your hand's on that door handle and they know that you're hiding something because, as much as you try to keep it shut, they've seen through the crack that you foolishly left open.

(The prominence of eyes in Bake no Hana, specifically eyes looking and searching, and finally landing on you, the viewer, Mizuki, is so fucking. Visceral in my opinion. Every character in the MV stares at the viewer in a deadpan, almost judging way. Even though Mizuki knows deep down that niigo won't really hate them, won't judge them, she just can't stand their kindness either; any gaze directed at her is a loss, another prick in their skin. It screams "don't look at me" while making sure that you know, with horrific certainty, that they're looking for you, that you're being watched. You can't go outside, can't leave your room, because they're searching for you, and while that should be reassuring, to you it's anything but).

It's about not wanting to be dissected, whether it's with hands that want to pull your organs apart or stitch them back together because no matter what they're there, and they're getting frighteningly close to your heart. It's about blinding yourself and covering your eyes to it all because seeing means exposure and exposure means they're taking something from you and you can't do anything about it, much less take it all back, much less have a say in the matter. Everyone's just taking and taking and taking and you wish you could just be alone. You wish everyone would just disappear and you could live in a world all to yourself, for only yourself (but is that really what you want?).

It's about the way that, near the beginning of the Yoka ni Mitoreta MV, Mizuki and her loneliness is represented as a dark, splotchy stain in the shadows. No colors, no patterns, no way to clean it or wash it all away, just raw ugliness marring a blank canvas. It's about the way that Ena reaches out to it anyway, the way she startles when the glass shatters just when she finally starts reaching forward, the way that the rest of the MV/song represents her searching for and reaching only further out to Mizuki, even if the broken shards of glass will only cut her fingers, potentially leaving scars.

It's about how, in every way, subtly, directly, consciously, and subconsciously, Ena shows that she fucking cares.

It's about the way that Ena lets Mizuki have autonomy, despite the situation being so horribly out of their control. And it's such a delicate thing: If she really wants to, Mizuki can take the opportunity to just run away, keep running forever, repeat the cycle over and over, and maybe she'll just destroy herself with it again, but it can't be denied that it's something important to them, something she can't quite live without just yet, their means of survival. Mizuki's autonomy is their identity, it's her tailoring her own clothes and choosing her own ribbons and styling her own hair the way she does. Ena letting them have that is as much about trust as it is about understanding that Mizuki of all people should have this right, when control was something stripped from her throughout so much of her life. She couldn't control how she was born, how people look at her or why, can't control what they think of her; lacking control has only left Mizuki vulnerable to the cruelties of others, has only caused them to suffer, which is why it's so important that it's given to them now.

She had the control to make the choice to see niigo's welcoming love and run away instead of staying, and she has the control to make the choice now whether she wants to keep things the way they are or take a step forward to be at their side again. She has every right to have it, and I think the fact that Ena realizes and respects that, even if it's subconsciously, is really beautiful (there is an entire fucking Verse about this in the new song and just. God Look at this. It's so caring, unconditional, and for fucking What. I think there is something to be said about how much Ena is willing to put aside for Mizuki, and maybe deep down it isn't healthy, but for now I'm just kind of in awe)

It's about how insanely patient Ena has been this whole time. Mizuki says that she basically lied to Ena's face about telling her their secret, even after Ena said with such conviction that she would wait for Mizuki as long as it takes, and Ena is just kept waiting and waiting and worrying like this seemingly indefinitely. It's about how Mizuki danced around it, avoided it, kept the distance, straight up ran when she was finally pushed, but Ena still chased anyway when she saw that she couldn't wait anymore, kept chasing just enough to intervene and get a straight answer out of Mizuki when she really needed to, but still leaving her enough space to leave if that was truly what she wanted. It's about how relieved Ena is the moment that Mizuki finally says outright how much they want to be with her and niigo, how much she wants to try, how much more light Ena's voice sounds when she grabs her hand, relieved, the way that the relief she feels can be felt through the music, throughout the entirety of Yoka ni Mitoreta, the way that warm colors always follow her when she chases after Mizuki, just to hold onto her and stop her from running away completely.

It's about how that careful combination of Ena's directness, Ena's persistence, Ena's warmth, her patience, her bluntness about her feelings, the way she chases and holds on but not too tight and her regard for how unsafe and exposed Mizuki feels actually works and breaks it all down. It's about how she really did reach through to Mizuki, despite the thorns and broken glass shards and nearly-unfulfilled promises, the way that Mizuki did finally let her turn the door handle and step through to see what she'd been hiding all this time, the way that Mizuki's hand, limp, when Ena first grabs onto it, shifts to hold hers back as they cry in the face of Ena's gentleness.

Despite how harsh Mizu/Ena5, and even Ena herself as a character can be (or at least was in the very beginning of pjsk), everything is somehow gentle and warm in the end, blindingly so. And you know what, I think that's beautiful. And what's even more beautiful than that is how Mizuki allows themself to crumble and shatter under that kindness, that warm light, but this time, finally, out of relief.

On a final note, I just want to say that I also appreciate how all that didn't have to solve everything. The scars haven't disappeared, haven't gone away, and Mizuki knows that their desire to run hasn't gone away forever, and maybe it never truly will. But for now they've calmed it, at least a little. She's learning to allow herself to be seen, learning that when someone's fingertips brush over their scars the way Ena's did that it's only out of care, and that maybe taking in that care and allowing herself to feel kindness and safety is okay. They're safe, for now, somehow. They're learning. They're trying. And I think that's cool :)

[mossyflowers]

bro what

[simcardiac-arrested]

wait, that elias?

[ducktracy]

i don't think i ever fully shared my Potential Bob Clampett Encounter on here, did i... probably because i was too embarrassed to. it probably is just a series of coincidences, but it's still neat to think about. tldr Cool Profound Stuff happened when i visited his grave and in the days following

[hotchipsauce]

psst pspspsps u should totally talk about grebbymints more ... i am enabling u......

AAAAAA bro….. my dude…. the thing is i always feel crazy talking about them together bc i think like they’ve only publicly interacted like 3 times? LOL (i have watched and documented every interview minty and grebby has appeared in for the leafs/marlies. it’s so bad. me being sick has actually helped me not be as weird about it since i had less screen time in general)

but even then me and @tufzy just constructed this whole separate reality in our heads for months about how like they prob got closer after getting called up and minty is the only familiar guy for grebby there due to being on the marlies together + no russian player on the leafs to fall back on for help so grebby is just sticking to minty’s side the whole time, and minty even tho he’s a lil popular with the leaf boys he still is looking out for his linemate. even when they get sent down they’re still drawn to each other out of habit. but i’m always like second guessing like wow this is pure delusion like maybe they don’t even fuck with each other like that it’s just coworker friendliness this rpf shit is truly a disease fr fr 🙏

and then the videos started dropping. they’re goofing off and pushing each other around during sewer ball. and then i see a single frame of minty next to grebs during the one rare tiktok that he shows up in. and the delusion starts anew

[marc--chilton]

screaming going insane im begging you to talk more about house developing a pavlovian response to wilsons nagging. like you’re right.

like house is already not subtle about wilson (you can only joke about wanting to fuck a guy so much before people start thinking you actually wanna fuck the guy) (i am not convinced he was ever joking)

and house has sooo many issues, the most prevalent being ones that stem from his leg and resulting disability after a life of activity, BUT we also must consider also those that stem from his childhood..... when a parent treats you terribly even the most logic-minded and rational people will think they deserve it. and when that is normal for you, it's almost a comfort. especially if that's the only attention you're getting from them

now let's set that aside for a second. house has always thought of wilson positively from day one (finding him "interesting" which is like the normal person equivalent of saying love at first sight, in this case) and i am not alone in thinking that house is pining in some form. and he fucks. the wires get crossed. something in his brain goes from "no one can make him mad like i can :) " to "he's hot when he's negging me" to house beating it in the hospital showers

95% (why did the numbers get HUGE just then. like i'm making a point sure but goddamn 70 point font pop off) of the time house will walk away from an interaction with wilson feeling great, even if he just got lectured within an inch of his life. just look at how often he gets the Diagnosis Revelation just from bothering wilson for five minutes (and that being all of wilson's screentime in the ep)

they're sick. they're basically having sex every episode. there are cathedrals everywhere for those with the eyes to see

[cementcornfield]

You should post your thoughts on Ja’Marr and Kyle!! I’m so interested in their dynamic if that makes sense 😅

lmao anon i love you thank you because i was literally just typing a post up by itself. but now i get the benefit of looking like i'm not the ONLY person to care about this. (there's at least two of us!!)

ok so! too much rambling about things that i could no way actually know anything about irl BUT 

kyle and ja’marr being together in paris is VERY interesting to me. their whole relationship is really because like. okay. i have joked that kyle and ja’marr are there to pick out joe’s wardrobe for next year together lmao but like!!! the clothes saga is SUCH a thing with ja’marr. the man has a Complex about joe and fashion and his part in it. we know this. i hardly need to go over the clothes saga with y’all again. but i will because it’s fun for me. ja’marr claims in GQ that he buys clothes for joe all the time and drops them off at 'the house’ for him. which is insane enough if that’s true. then a few days after that article drops (and also joe’s appendix explodes) he says nah never mind i was lying! (“kinda”). and that’s insane too. but whatever, we let it go, there’s football to play. then that offseason tee decides to cause some chaos i guess and confirms that actually ja’marr HAS bought joe clothes ‘multiple times’ so that’s. something!!! (along with TB in that one pivot podcast with all three of them teasing ja’marr about it!!) and then SOMEHOW none of this gets brought up again until a few months ago when ja’marr is just like “yeah actually i’ve been buying him clothes since last year” which is still a year later than he first said he bought him clothes 🤔

ALL OF WHICH TO SAY that ja’marr is fucking weird about this. he may or may not buy joe clothes (i’m still leaning yes on this), and he may or may not want people to know about it. i think he realizes just how intimate of a thing that is, to repeatedly buy someone you care about clothes that you think he would like, that you’d like to see him in. and i think if we go back to my Vision of insecure at times ja’marr, it’s one way to explain his back and forth on this.

but then!! insert kyle, who i believe only became joe’s stylist within the last year. before that i don’t think joe ever really had anyone Official to help him out with specific outfits/styles/branding etc (i’m sure the joe girlies will correct me if i'm wrong on this). and now i can only imagine that ja’marr might be feeling a little…possessive of joe here (what else is new lol ‘that’s my qb not their qb’ type shit). like if we believe he’s been buying him clothes since at least 2021, that’s like…that’s ja’marr’s Thing at this point?? even if it only started happening in 2023, that’s still a long time of "oh hey i saw this and thought of you and will you wear it and when you wear it will i feel a little thrill knowing that you took my advice knowing that you value my opinion knowing that the clothes touching your skin are only doing so because i bought them for you in the first place etc etc." and now here’s joe paying someone else to do it?? and who the fuck is kyle why him why does HE get to do it he didn’t even win a national championship with him in college???? (ja’marr obviously would be more rational than that. of course joe should pay someone to help him out with style as he does events and builds his brand more. but as a fellow Emotional Person myself, the rational response is never the first or strongest one.) 

so like! there’s that. that alone could make ja’marr not inclined to LOVE Kyle, ya know? and then if we want to get really Deep and dive into internalized homophobia of Male Athlete Culture. of my version (MY VERSION JUST MY VERSION THIS IS NOT ME SAYING ANYTHING IRL ABOUT HIM) of ja’marr and how he might cope with feelings and attractions that do not neatly fall in line with what is Expected of him and Has Been Expected of him since he was a kid. like fuck. do we remember how his dad said ja’marr used to like to read with his cousins (who were girls) but then his male friends came around and made fun of him for it, so he stopped reading altogether as a child?? thinking about that still makes my heart hurt! aughhh Gender!! and then even a few weeks ago on stream when ja’marr accidentally said that kyrie was sexy and IMMEDIATELY the chat and his friends jumped on him for it!! like yeah it was all lighthearted and all that but he got all embarrassed and even fucking apologized??? just the immediate policing of language/behavior followed by the immediate apology and moving on to no longer watching kyrie clips lol. crazy!!! Male Athlete Culture is SUCH a trip!! 

and kyle is gay! very much out and proud and not hiding or ashamed of any of it (fucking good for him tbh. i know he’s not Loved in this fandom but like that does genuinely take guts to be yourself like that in a culture like this. and make a career out of it! and he seems to be thriving!) and i just have to wonder like, how many queer people ja’marr really knows well?? the nfl has their corporate pride month bullshit where they celebrate the like 1 out gay assisant coach? 1 out gay FORMER player? if there are more queer people in the nfl, they are not very public about it. so again, how much daily interaction does a typical football player like ja’marr get with queer people?? i do imagine all the connections that are growing with the fashion world help of course! like kyle! who it’s clear he’s at least friendly with, if not the best of friends. and so like, i wonder about how that could stir complicated emotions in ja’marr if we go with my (AGAIN JUST MINE I’M NOT ACTUALLY SAYING ANYTHING IRL) version of him as a guy who has Feelings about male teammates sometimes and struggles with Dealing With That. 

and throw in the fact that ja’marr primarily knows him as this guy who’s always hanging around joe lol. taking over his role as joe’s personal stylist?? being free and open and ALLOWED to be attracted to all these guys, to joe himself!! (and if he thinks too hard about that he REALLY gets in his feelings). and it’s not jealousy really because he knows how important he himself is in joe’s life. kyle’s not replacing their history, he’s certainly not replacing his value to joe on the field, their close friendship, etc. but! he occupies a space in joe’s life that ja’marr can’t touch. he can publicly and proudly buy joe clothes. something that ja’marr WANTS but keeps shying away from. he can feel any feelings and any attraction he happens to have, he’s not hiding any part of who he is. if he thinks joe’s hot, if he thinks joe looks particularly attractive in an outfit he chose for him, he can! he will! he does! and i think that that just HAS to drive ja’marr a little fucking crazy.

so yeah. he likes the guy. they’re friendly. he’ll do a goofy lil dance when prompted by him for social media. but it’s Complicated. it’s Very Complicated. (to me.) 

[wholemeallbread]

hm guys i have ideas

i dont write for jjk but ykw like who else is gonna be a famrer the way im imagining this specific scenario???

[sdcrevolver]

Oughhhh sorry I would draw but I have Swat Kats on the brain right now… T-Bone and Razor my beloveds but you’re kinda hard to draw… the best I can do is just yap about them (and my AU somewhat) in the tags. This post is more for me if you see this and think I’m going off the rails then whoopsies

[starmanzxx]

jyushimatsu!!!!!!!!!!!!

[twilight-good-yall-dumb]

Okay so I'm not a mega 5SOS fan, so I could be completely missing context on this, but the one thing I know for sure about that band is their very prevalent correlation to and relationship with 1D. So anyway, I was listening to Michael Clifford's new song, and I couldn't help but feel like maybe he didn't write it solely for himself, like perhaps he borrowed a bit of perspective from his other boyband friends 0_0

these lines in particular really stood out to me, and considering the song is supposed to be about fanfic (or the music video at the very least), I can't help but wonder if this could be drawing some larry parallels, especially because the song later on hints at frustration with band image. Now, I'm sure the 5SOS boys dealt with similar shipping and conspiracies, and I understand they also probably deal with being compared to and limited by their involvement in the band, just like the 1D boys. 5SOS are still technically a band though and don't have any beef as far as I'm aware. So maybe this is a stretch, but idk, considering their very real connection to 1D, I can't help but wonder if larry was a little bit of an inspiration for this song's concept. I mean, maybe my brain was just forcing connections but the start of the music video reminded me just a bit of that god awful euphoria scene. And then it continues to lightheartedly poke fun at gay celebrity fanfic. So, just being aware of the massive influence of fanfic and of larry in the 1D fandom, I was immediately making connections.

But anyway, back to the lyrics, because even if there was zero intention on his end to reference larry, some of y'all larries could still benefit from hearing this lol.

"You make a comment such a big deal" -literally anytime harry or louis speaks about or even references each other, their sexualities, or larry stylinson directly, it's blown way out of proportion, even when it's a direct denial, larries still use it as fuel to the fire.

"Can't speak my mind without a third wheel" -neither harry nor louis are ever allowed to do or say anything without larries bringing up the other. They quite literally cannot speak their minds without an inherent third wheel to the conversation. Harry could literally say something as mundane as "i like to ride bikes" in an interview and people in the comments would be like "I bet louis is jealous of the bikes :/"

"Maybe I'm over tryna be real" In louis and harry's case, being real or honest about themselves still doesn't dissuade larries. Because a fanfictionalized version of them is the only version that exists in these fans' heads. Anything they reveal about themselves will be twisted into the reality that larries have forced upon them. When harry tries his best to be open about his sexuality without labeling himself, it's larry proof. When louis is brave enough to share any details about his relationships and personal life, it's all a stunt, etc.

And it's the last line that really gets me because I feel like it applies so well to larry: "I mean, like no offense, but listen, how are you the victim?" Because, oh boy, do larries have a victim mentality. Somehow, their ship not coming to fruition is literally everybody else's fault besides them. They don't even dare consider for a moment that the immense pressure they've put on harry and louis for over a decade could have in fact tarnished their bond and led them to estrangement. Larries have a crazy us vs. the world mentality. Anybody who disagrees with their theory is the enemy, anybody who "gets in the way" of harry and louis is a target. This includes literally everyone around them: their girlfriends, their families, their friends, their teams, their management, everyone! And yet, larries still believe that they are in the right, that they have somehow been wronged by these men allegedly being forced into the closet for fifteen years. I mean, larries even get mad at the boys themselves! They blame them at times for apparently going along with stunts, for perpetuating the myth of their straightness, etc. And still, larries believe they have been wronged somehow by the world, that there is this larger than life homophobic scheme going on under wraps, and that it is their right and their duty to uncover it 😭

Again, I have no idea if larry was on Michael's brain whatsoever when he wrote this song, and I also don't want to discredit this song and completely make it about something unrelated. It's a fun pop punk song, go listen :) But, honestly, these lines could not have more succinctly summed up my frustrations with certain fans and with the nature of larry stylinson as a force in this fandom. So, thanks for that Michael Clifford. lol.

[toca144]

It can be really embarrassing to have a special interest in something deemed for children. I have a special interest in puppetry/henson creations and I’m really passionate about early childhood entertainment and education (specifically public broadcasting tv for kids. I think it’s incredibly important that children have that) and me and my best friend (who also loves this stuff) are planning a trip to Sesame Place park because hell yeah we love amusement parks and we love Sesame Street. I am so excited for this trip. And I cannot express that because I am a grown ass adult excited to go to the Elmo park. I can’t even express that I love it and it’s my career goal to create stuff like Sesame Street because then people are like lmfao you want to be a puppeteer? Can a girl not want to see Elmo without shame can I not get really excited to see Big Bird?? This world is a prison.

[riacte]

so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it

[lesbiangiratina]

Youre insane

[gladiatorcunt]

can’t be in the xmen universe bc people would be like “logan’s so mean to me he’s awful :(“ yeah, to YOU. sucks to suck i guess, i’m the only one he gives a fuck about