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johnsbleu · 1 year

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Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 159

warnings: nsfw, john's pov at the beginning hmh masterlist

Buying another shop was a great idea at first, but it’s been a real hassle these past few weeks. Nothing seems to be going right, the security system goes off at least once a week, someone can’t figure out how to make returns or run the machine, and that always means that I’m running into the city to figure it out. I’m getting a little stressed out, but I’m trying my best to keep it under wraps since I don’t want Y/N to get upset as well. I just don’t want her to get stressed out. She doesn’t need this stress on top of being a new mom.

I had to run into the shop since there was someone there trying to return something and the new girl didn’t know how to do it. I asked if there was someone there to help but Naomi, who used to work at the shop in Mill Neck, was off today. I didn’t want to bother her on her day off, so I decided to just head out there myself while the girls stayed home.

Since I’m in New York City, I decide to stop off at a bakery that Y/N loves and pick up some treats for her and Ronan. I pull up in front of the shop as someone backs out of a spot, and I quickly pull in and take it. A spot right in front of the bakery is rare, so I won’t pass it up.

As I enter the bakery, the sweet smell of freshly baked goods fills my nostrils. The display case is full of various pastries and bread, making it difficult for me to choose what to get for the girls. I finally settle on a few things, and even get a baguette, still warm from the oven. The cozy atmosphere of the bakery makes me want to stay a little longer, but I remember that Y/N is waiting for me at home. With my purchases in hand, I head back to my car, eager to see Y/N and Ronan.

Since John had to run into the city, you called up Tess and asked if she wanted to go for a walk at the nature preserve that’s about 15 minutes away. You packed up the kids and dogs, then you headed out to it with her for a late morning walk.

It was nice to spend some time outside since it’s sunny and breezy today, and you even let Ronan put her feet in the little stream that runs through the preserve. The dogs enjoyed splashing in the water and running around too, but now they stink. Bleu will definitely need a bath later tonight. Luckily since it’s warm, you can do it in the backyard rather than in the house.

After spending a few hours at the nature preserve, you dropped Tess off at home, then you headed to the grocery store to pick up something to make for dinner tonight. You don’t know if John is home yet but if he doesn’t get home until later, you want to have dinner waiting for him since you know he probably hasn’t eaten since breakfast this morning.

You pull into the driveway and see John’s car parked, so you know that he’s home. You sit up a little to see that Ronan is still asleep in her car seat, so you get out of the car and get her so you can put her in her room before you come back for the groceries.

Half expecting John to be there to greet you, you’re a little bummed when you walk into the kitchen and find it empty. You furrow your brow when you hear the house so quiet until you see John asleep on the couch, and a smile spreads across your face when you see his long legs across the couch and his dark hair covering his face a little.

You tiptoe past him and head up to Ronan’s room to put her down for her nap, then you head back to the car for the rest of the groceries. As quietly as you can, you get them out of the crunchy brown sacks and put everything away, then you take off your shoes and tiptoe past John and up to Ronan’s room with your phone, iPad, and Ronan’s bag. She’ll be waking up in the next 20 minutes, so you’ll want to keep her occupied in her room until John is awake.

Exhaling quietly, you sit down in the rocker and curl up as you scroll through your phone. You tilt your head back against the chair and feel your eyes growing heavy, and before you can even stop it, you fall asleep.

It’s nearing 6 PM now, and John is still asleep on the couch. You thought he’d be awake by now, but he’s not. He’s obviously really tired, but you can’t stay cooped up in Ronan’s room much longer. You’re both getting hungry.

“Okay, we need to be quiet because daddy is sleeping,” you whisper to Ronan and put your finger on your mouth,“Yeah, shh. Daddy is sleeping.”

You open the door and immediately spot John on the couch, and you grimace as you quietly walk down the stairs. You freeze when you step on the creaky floorboard and look over at John to see him still sleeping. Ronan spots him and squeals loudly and calls out for him, and you quickly run into the kitchen and poke your head out to see he hasn’t moved.

“Is he dead?” you say, then you put Ronan in her highchair and give her a few pieces of cereal before you head back into the living room to check on John. You kneel down next to him and see his chest rising and falling as he breathes, and you feel relief wash over you.

Since you’ll be making dinner soon and making noise, you want John to go up to your room if he needs to keep resting. You don’t want to disturb him though.

You hesitate every time you reach out to touch his chest to wake him up, but you finally give in and rub his chest a few times before he stretches out and rubs his hands over his face.

“Hi, baby. I just want you to know I’m going to make dinner soon, so you should go upstairs and get some rest.” you whisper to him as he looks over at you, and you smile softly at him, “Go get some rest upstairs.”

“I’m okay,” he says as he reaches out to touch your cheek, then he rolls onto his side and smiles at you before he closes his eyes again.

You lean over to kiss his forehead, then you get up and head into the kitchen since he’s okay with you making noise while you make dinner. Ronan has eaten the pieces of cereal you’ve given her, so you get her out and allow her to go into the living room to see her daddy. Her little giggles cause a smile to spread across your face since you know John’s probably scooped her up and is snuggling her now.

On the counter is a pastel pink colored box that you hadn’t noticed earlier, and you open it and smile when you see a dozen different pastries inside. You look at the box and smile when you see it’s the bakery that you love in New York City, and you feel your heart flutter knowing John was sweet enough to stop by and get something for you.

Dinner was good but quiet. John still seems so tired. He cleared his plate and helped you clean up the kitchen, but he didn’t say much. He got the table cleaned off and Ronan’s highchair, then he sat down with her on the couch to read a book to her. You were expecting him to fall asleep while he read it but he made it through.

You’re just now getting Ronan ready for bed and John is still in the rocking chair just staring at the floor.

“Hey,” you smile at him when he looks at you, “Say goodnight to her so you can head to bed.”

John looks at you and nods his head, then he gets up and walk over to kiss Ronan goodnight. He hugs her tight in his arms and puckers his lips for a kiss, then he hands her back to you. You smile as you look at him, but you know he can see the worry in your eyes. He’s being quiet and withdrawn, and he’s not the type of person to take naps during the day, so this is all so weird.

“Hey, peach…” he calls out, and you turn around, “You’re coming to bed after, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” you nod, then you cock up your brow, “Will you be awake?”

John laughs, nodding, “I will be.”

“Okay, we’ll see.” you tease, then you close your eyes and rub Ronan’s back to coax her to sleep.

As you come around the corner, you see John sitting up in bed as he watches TV. He smiles and perks up more, then he waves you over to him, pulling you up to straddle his waist so he can give you a huge hug and kiss. You melt against his lips as you kiss him, then you snuggle into his arms.

“Mm, definitely missed this today.” he whispers, and you nod your head.

The two of you hold each other for a few minutes, then you press a kiss to his lips and walk over to get changed into some pajamas. You pull out a tank top and some shorts since it’s pretty warm tonight, then you get changed and put your hair into a bun before you crawl back in bed with John.

He’s been so quiet and tired tonight, and you’re starting to wonder if maybe he’s coming down with the flu or something.

You reach up and place your hand on his forehead, which causes him to look at you in confusion. You sit up more and press your cheek to his forehead, then you sit down and shrug.

“You don’t have the flu.”

“I’m not sick,” he laughs, reaching for your hand.

You inhale deeply and sigh, “Well, what’s going on?”

“Just…tired today. That’s all.” he says, holding your gaze, “I didn’t sleep that great last night.”

“Yeah, it was really hot in here last night.” you nod, laying down next to him, “I won’t lay all over you tonight.”

John laughs as he pulls you closer, “I don’t care if I sweat to death, I need you to lay with me.”

You sit up to turn on the fan next to your bed, then you move back to John and kiss him before you lay with your head on his chest. You draw circles on his skin for a few moments, then you tilt your head back to look at him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

John nods, “I am.”

He’s lying to you. He’s lying. You can tell. You know him. He’s lying.

“Okay.” you smile softly at him, then you lean up to kiss him as he intertwines his fingers with yours. You roll onto your back as he continues kissing you, then you laugh when he leans down and peppers your neck in feather-light kisses that cause you to shiver.

Cupping his face, you hold his gaze for a few moments, then you kiss him again before you both move back so you can lay on his chest. John exhales softly as you rub his chest, then after a few moments, you look up to see him asleep again.

You reach over for the remote to turn off the TV, then you press a soft kiss to his cheek, “Goodnight, baby.”

Inhaling deeply, you squeeze your eyes shut and feel John pressing kisses to your cheek as he rubs your back. You finally open your eyes to look at him, and he smiles as he rubs his thumb over your cheek.

“I gotta run into the city.”

“Why?”

John sighs, “They just need some extra help out there today. I’m not sure when I’ll be home, but I’ll call you in a little bit to let you know what’s going on.”

You sit up and rest on your elbows, then you look over to check the time on the clock on John’s nightstand. 7:12. You look back at John and nod your head as you lean over to kiss him goodbye.

“Wait…” you pull him back for another kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, peach.” he whispers, then he kisses your forehead. “I just got Ronan up and fed, so she’s just in her pack ‘n play.”

You nod as you sit up and take John’s hand, then you walk with him downstairs to the living room where Ronan is playing with some toys. You spot the steaming cup of coffee on the table and the cinnamon roll next to it on a plate, and you look over at John and smile.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll call you in a little bit.” he whispers, and you nod your head. He walks over to Ronan and smiles, “Be good for mom.”

Ronan reaches up for John as he leans down to kiss her, then she plops back on her butt to play with her toys. You sit down on the couch and pull your knees close to your chest as John walks out the front door and gets in his car. You rest your chin on your knee and watch as he backs out of the driveway, then you sigh and continue staring out the window.

John is lying. He’s lying about being fine. But you know he’s only doing it to protect your feelings. For the past few weeks, he’s been called out to the Manhattan shop several times during the week, and you know it’s starting to catch up to him. He’s missing out on spending time with Ronan, so you know he’s incredibly bummed out.

You’ve decided to show up there and surprise him, so hopefully it goes well.

It’s been weeks since you last visited the Manhattan shop and John has hired more people since then, so you don’t know them like you do with the shop in Mill Neck. You find it funny when they greet you at the door as if you’re just a customer.

“Hi! Welcome to Next Chapter. Can I help you find anything?”

You smile at girl behind the counter, “Just looking for my husband.”

“Oh…” she slouches a little and stammers, “Well, I…I don’t know who he is, so I can’t really help you.”

Naomi comes around the corner and smiles, “Mrs. Wick! Hi.”

“Hi,” you hug her and look around, “The shop looks nice.”

The poor girl behind the counter puts her hand over her mouth as her face turns red, “I am so sorry. I didn’t realize that you were…”

“It’s okay,” you laugh as you reach out to shake her hand, “I actually haven’t been out here much, so that’s my fault. I’m Y/N.”

“Maya,” she says as she shakes your hand.

You smile at her, “Seriously, don’t feel bad. It really is my fault. I should be coming out here more often.”

Naomi walks over to help someone when they come in, and you smile at Maya before you head downstairs to the office. As soon as you get to the bottom of the stairs, you see John with his head down and his phone pressed to his ear.

“Why aren’t you answering?” he says under his breath, then he looks at his phone and presses it to his ear again.

You feel your phone vibrating in your purse and realize he’s trying to get a hold of you, which makes you smile. How cute is he?

“Hi,” you say softly, and John looks up at you, “Are you trying to call me?”

John perks up as he nods, “Yeah, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, I can leave.” you point over your shoulder and shrug, “I mean, if you don’t want me to be here.”

“Stop!” he shakes his head, laughing, “But why did you come all the way out here?”

You smile as you watch him get up to hug you, “I came to be with you.”

John wraps his arms around you tight and holds you as he leans back against the desk. You lean against his chest and hug him, and you feel him tighten his grip on you when you try to move.

“What’s going on, John? Talk to me.”

John exhales and finally loosens his grip on you as you lean back, “I’ve been really stressed out these past few weeks. Something comes up constantly here and I have to come out here and deal with it. I didn’t think it would be so stressful.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want you to get stressed out too,” he whispers, wiping away the tear on your cheek, “See?”

You reach up and place his hand on your cheek, “I’m crying because you’re stressing and going through this alone. That’s not what a marriage is, John. We do this together. We bought the shop. This isn’t your problem alone.”

“I know, I just didn’t want you to get stressed out.” he whispers, and you tilt your head and hold his gaze as he starts to laugh. “I know, I should have just told you.”

“What happened to Team Wick, huh?” you jokingly shove his shoulder before you wrap your arms around his waist and hug him again. “You don’t have to be stressed out and suffer through this stuff alone. Not anymore. Not since I’m here. You’re my partner in crime, babe. It’s you and me.”

John nods as he leans back against the desk, then he sits on it and pulls you between his legs, sliding his hands into your back pockets, “I miss you and Ronan so much. I feel like I’m missing out on everything.”

“Well,” you exhale as you look at him, “I got her all packed up for college and she’s moving out this weekend.”

“Stop,” John laughs, then he shakes his head.

You reach back for John’s hands and intertwine your fingers with his, “You honestly haven’t missed out on much. She’s doing all the same things.”

“Still shitting her pants?” he asks, and you nod and laugh when he playfully groans, “Damn.”

“Yup, still pooping her pants. I gave her a bath the other night and she shit herself during it. You missed that.”

John laughs, “Glad I missed that.”

“I’m sure.”

John is quiet for a few moments, then he looks at you and blinks a few times before he looks down at your hands, “Do you think she misses me?”

Taking a deep breath, you hold his gaze and shrug as you tear up, “I don’t know how to answer that.”

“What does that mean?”

You wipe the tears on your face, “If I say no, you’ll be bummed. If I say yes, you’ll feel even worse. You’ll feel like shit no matter how I answer.”

John leans his forehead against yours and sighs, “I need to figure out this shit here. I can’t keep leaving you two.”

You cup his face and nod, “Let me help.”

Letting go of you, John walks over and sits down at his desk, then he gets out some papers while you pull up a chair next to him. He looks over at you and smiles, then he pulls your chair closer to him with incredibly sexy effortlessness.

“I got a ton of new books that came in, I need to organize those and get them out on the shelves. The security system is shit, so I need to cancel that and get someone out here today to set up a new one, so I’ve been looking up some places.” he says, and you nod as you lean closer to look at his laptop.

“What do you need me to do?”

John takes a deep breath and looks at you, and you cock up your brow since you know he wasn’t going to give you something to do. You came here to help, so he better find something for you to do.

“I’m here to help. It’s my shop too.”

John nods, then he looks around his desk, “The apartment upstairs is still up for rent, but I haven’t really had any offers on it. I’m not sure people really want to live and work in the same place.”

You nod, then you point upstairs, “How about Maya?”

“She was just hired a few weeks ago, but I overheard her talking to Naomi about it.”

“Well,” you get up and shrug, “Then I’ll go ask her.”

Heading upstairs, you smile when you walk past a few customers, then you finally spot Maya helping an older gentleman find a book. You wait a few moments for her to look over at you, and you smile at her when she does.

“Excuse me…” you say softly, “Can I speak with you downstairs when you get a moment?”

The color drains from Maya’s face, “Of course.”

“Whenever you have a moment. No rush.” you smile softly, then you head back down to John and see him on the phone.

“Yeah, today would be perfect.” he nods, and you sit down, “Yeah, thank you. Bye.”

You look at him and raise your eyebrows, “They’re coming?”

“Should be here by 2.” he says, looking down at his watch before he looks at you, “Talk to Maya?”

“She was with someone, so I just asked her to come down when she’s free.”

John chuckles, “Probably gave her a heart attack in the process.”

“She felt so bad because she thought I was a customer when I came in.” you say as you laugh, then you get up and grab a box of books and look through them, “It’s my fault since I don’t come in here much.”

“No, it’s my fault.” he says, and you look over at him, “It’s my fault because I never ask if you want to come with.”

You furrow your brow as you laugh, “I’m fully capable of driving here myself. Don’t take the blame.”

John gets up from his desk and walks over to wrap his arms around your waist, “Is Ro with your mom?”

“Tess,” you say, looking over your shoulder. “I just dropped her off there since she was closer.”

“Makes sense.” he buries his face in the crook of your neck and exhales, “Do you think my girls would want to go out on a date with me tonight?”

You smile as you look at him, “I think they would like that very much.”

John smiles softly, then he leans over to kiss you before he lets go, “Oh, hey, Maya.”

“Hi,” she says as she wrings her hands, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

You laugh as you brush it off, then you gesture for her to sit down as you walk over to sit with John, “So, how do you like the shop?”

“I like it a lot. It’s got the right vibes.” she says, and John laughs quietly. “It’s nice. Not too busy, but not too quiet that I get bored.”

“Yeah, that’s how I feel about the shop back home.” you nod, then you look at John, “It’s quiet but not too quiet, but our shop in Mill Neck has a different feel to it. More like a small town bookshop, where as here it has a little more…of a sophisticated vibe to it, you know? We still try to bring some of that homey feel to it though with the couches and chairs.”

Maya nods, “I can see that.”

“So, John mentioned that he overheard you talking to Naomi about the apartment upstairs…”

“Yeah, I just asked what was up there.” Maya says as her eyes grow as wide as buttons, “Is…is that a problem?”

You laugh as you reach out to touch her hand, “No! Oh my god, no. I’m so sorry if I’ve given you the impression that you’re in trouble.”

John laughs, “You’re scaring her.”

“I am so sorry!” you put your hands over your face and laugh, “Literally not my intention. I’m just trying to be as professional as John always is. He’s so much better at it.”

“We’re asking because it’s for rent,” John says, and you sit back and nod your head. “If you’re interested in it, we’d be more than happy to show you around.”

Maya smiles a little, “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s a one bedroom, but it’s not bad for a single person.” John says, then he shrugs and looks at you. “It came with the shop when we bought it, and we thought it would be good for an employee, as long as they don’t mind living where they work.”

“Uh,” Maya chuckles a little, “I mean, it depends on rent, of course.”

John nods, “We could work something out.”

Maya nods her head, “I think it would be so freaking cool to live here.”

“You’d have a great view,” you say as she smiles, “You’d be close to work! That’s a bonus.”

“Can I take the day to think about it?”

John nods, “Of course. There’s no rush.”

“Do you want me to show you the apartment?” you ask, and Maya clasps her hands and nods. You look over at John and reach for the keys, then you wait for Maya to get out of the office before you lean down to kiss him, ��Be right back.”

“Hate to go see...wait…” he laughs as he shakes his head, “Hate to see you go…”

You smirk as you look at him, “Jonathan Wick, are you flustered?”

John leans over to make sure Maya isn’t near, then he reaches out and spanks you, “These shorts…”

You laugh as you lean over to kiss him, then you wink before you head upstairs with Maya. The two of you head to the back of the shop where there’s a door that leads upstairs, and you unlock it and gesture for her to go first. The stairwell is cramped, so you quickly head up to the apartment door and unlock it.

“You got your kitchen here, bathroom here, living room, and the bedroom. Great view from the window,” you say as you walk into the empty apartment. “You can paint it whatever you want, hang whatever you want.”

The living room is big and spacious and the windows are large, so there’s plenty of natural light that comes in. The dark exposed ceiling gives the illusion that room is taller than it really is, but it also leaves the room feeling a little more modern.

Maya nods as a smile spreads across her face, then she walks around and looks at everything, “It’s really cute. Bigger than I thought.”

“Yeah, the bedroom is quite big.” you nod, leaning back against the kitchen counter.

“Oh, uh, I have a cat and a dog.” she says, looking at you, “Can I have pets here?”

You nod, “Of course. I have a dog at home who I couldn’t live without, so I would never tell you no. And trust me, John would never tell you no either. Bleu is everything to that man. So, yes, you can definitely have pets.”

Maya laughs, “Thanks, they’re my babies.”

“Completely understand.” you nod, then you smile at her, “Take all the time you need, Maya. We’re in no rush. And if you decide this isn’t right for you, that’s okay too.”

“Thanks. I just want to talk to my dad about it.” she says, shrugging, “He gives good advice.”

You smile, “You’re very lucky to have that.”

Maya walks past you and heads back down to the shop, and you lock up and make your way downstairs to the office again, finding John still going through papers at the desk.

“So, did she like it?”

“She did. I forgot how big that place actually is. I guess I remember it just being a studio.” you say, furrowing your brow, “I don’t know what I was thinking. But yes, she liked it and said she wants to speak with her dad first because he gives good advice.”

John chuckles, then he leans over to kiss you a few times, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you whisper, holding his hand, “What else do you need help with?”

“Uh, just those two boxes over there. The books need to be divided up by genre so we can put them out.”

You nod as you get up, “I’m on it. Is that it?”

“Yeah, I think that’s pretty much everything.”

“See how much easier everything is when you just let your wife handle it.” you joke, and John lets out a laugh as he nods.

A knock on the door causes you to look over your shoulder, and you look over at John as he gets up and shakes hands with who you assume is the guy from the security company.

John touches the lower part of your back, then he kisses your cheek, “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” you nod, then you smile at him as he leaves.

John still wants to take you and Ronan out on a date tonight, so you left the shop and headed home to shower and get ready. You know that you won’t be going anywhere fancy for dinner since Ronan will be tagging along, but you still want to change into something else. Maybe a nice summer dress.

You set a few dresses out on your bed, then you stand back and look at them as Ronan waddles over to the bed.

“What dress should momma wear?” you ask, and Ronan scrunches up her face and looks at you, “Yeah, which one? That one? Okay.”

You take the powder blue dress that Ronan pointed at and put it on, then you turn around to fix it in the mirror as you look at yourself. The dress falls just a little above your knee, so you’ll have to keep that in mind if Ronan runs off during dinner. It’s probably not the best thing to wear since she’s quite the little runner lately, but you feel good in it and you might even get a few lingering looks from John.

Since he’s been working so much these past few weeks, you haven’t really had much time alone. You’ve had enough time alone for a quickie here and there, but the two of you always love to lay in bed and talk, and John always loves to take his time with you--you’re definitely not complaining about that. You’re hoping that maybe tonight you two can spend some time together after your date.

“Alright,” you reach down for Ronan and pick her up, “Let’s get you ready, bug.”

Walking to Ronan’s room, you kiss her cheek over and over, then you set her down in the middle of the floor before you go through her closet to find a dress for her. You find a cute romper that has little peaches all over it, and you kneel down and check Ronan’s diaper before you put the romper on her. You get the peach colored headband, then you put it on and smile as you look at her.

“Oh, bug, you’re so beautiful!”

You perk up when you hear the front door open, so you lift Ronan up and walk out to see John coming in the front door with two bouquets of flowers.

“Hi, daddy!”

John smiles as you come down the stairs, “Look at my beautiful girls.”

Ronan bounces in your arms and waves at John as she calls out for her dada, and you laugh as you walk over to him so he can kiss her.

“These are for you, little lady.” he says, handing her the bouquet of light pink carnations and baby’s breath.

“Oh, these are so beautiful!” you say as you take them, then you hold them up to her nose so she can smell them, “Smell. Mmm.”

John laughs when Ronan tries to bite one of the flowers, “No, baby, you smell them. Like this…”

You smile when John demonstrates for Ronan how to smell a flower, then you hoist her up, “We better get these into some water.”

“Oh, and these are for you, miss.” John holds up the other flowers and smiles, “Flowers for my dates who both look so pretty.”

You blush as you look at him, “Thank you. Ro picked out my dress.”

“I’m going to shower. I’ll be ready in 30 minutes.” he whispers, and you nod as he leans over to kiss you. “You look beautiful, baby.”

You let Ronan down and listen to her little feet as she follows behind you to the kitchen. She clings to your leg and drools all over it, then she reaches for the handle on the cabinet and pulls on it, rocking back and forth until she falls on her butt. You let out a small laugh when she gets up and waddles off to find something else to do instead since she can’t get in the cabinet with the safety locks.

After getting the flowers in some vases, you leave them on the counter and head out to find Ronan chewing on the TV remote. Thankfully you clean it regularly since she tends to chew on it whenever it’s around. You’re pretty sure she likes it because she likes the way the rubber buttons feel on her gums.

“You and this dang remote,” you laugh, then you grab a teething toy, “Here.”

Ronan takes it from you, then she waddles around the living room and over to Bleu. She sits down next to him and leans her head against his belly, and you smile as you sit down on the couch and wait for John.

You’re making a funny noise and making Ronan laugh until she’s wheezing with laughter, and almost everyone in the diner is looking over to watch. You blow raspberries in the crook of Ronan’s neck and smiles when she squeals.

“Okay, okay,” you laugh, setting her in your lap, “Momma will stop.”

John laughs as he reaches for your hand, “You two…”

“What?”

“I just love you two so much.”

You tilt your head a little and smile softly, “We love you too!”

John presses a kiss to the back of your hand and looks down at Ronan as she chews on your other hand, and he laughs a little, “She’s chewing on everything.”

“She was chewing on my leg earlier.” you say, then you wiggle finger over Ronan’s lips and laughs when she tries to chew on it, “I think she’s teething again, so…”

John grimaces a little, “At least we know what to do now.”

Ronan stands up in your lap and claps her hands, then she reaches over for John. He sits up a little and takes her, then he hold tight to her when she stands up in the booth next to him.

You prop your head up on your fist and watch Ronan grin at her daddy, and you laugh when she leans over with her mouth wide open to kiss him. John scrunches up his face a little and wipes away the spit she’s left on his cheek, then he kisses her.

John and Ronan share an inseparable bond, yet they never exclude you. Despite Ronan being a baby, she ensures that you feel included--it’s such a weird way to put it, but a testament to her deep affection for you and John. She always wants you and John, and she is always craving the attention and affection from you both, which of course you two are never upset about giving her.

“When we get home, do you want to spend some time in the pool?” you ask, and John nods his head. “It’s pretty warm tonight.”

“Well, let’s head out now. That way Ro can swim with us for a bit before she goes to bed.” John suggests, then he gets some money and tucks it behind a cup as you get up and fix your dress. You clap your hands and take Ronan when she leans over for you, then you wait for John to get up before you walk with him to the front door.

“Hey,” John whispers as you stand at the car, “Maybe mom and dad can have some hot tub time?”

“Oh, absolutely.” you smile, then you smirk when John perks up.

Ronan had so much fun with you and John in the pool but she got tired not long after. You brought her upstairs and put her down for the night, then you headed back to the pool and hopped in with John before you both moved to the hot tub with some wine.

“Oh, I meant to tell you earlier, Maya asked if we could meet with her dad this weekend to discuss the apartment.” John says, and you nod your head, “I figured we could discuss it and talk about the lease.”

“Sounds good to me,” you say as you close your eyes and feel the warm water relaxing your body. You frown when the jets turn off, then you look over at John, “The timer ran out.”

John laughs as he walks over to turn the jets back on, then he stands in front of you and smiles, leaning down to kiss you a few times. You cup his face to keep him from moving away from you, and he reaches down and lifts you up as the two of you kiss. He sits down with you in his lap, then he pulls the string on your swimsuit top and pulls it off of you.

“Fuck…” he whispers as he looks at your chest, then he leans down and sucks on your nipple, closing his eyes and humming loudly, “Put your feet up here.”

You furrow your brow when John suggests you stand up in front of him on the bench, then you nod when you realize why he wants that. He unties the side of your bottoms, then he pulls them off and tosses them aside before he licks his lips and leans up to bury his face between your legs. You lean over and hold onto the side of the hot tub, then you laugh a little.

“I know you want this, but this is such an awkward--” you squeeze your eyes shut and moan loudly as John sucks on your clit. You look down at John and bite your lip, “Holy shit…”

“You were saying…”

You chuckle softly as you tilt your head back, then meet his gaze before stepping away from the bench and leaning against his chest for a passionate kiss. Keeping your lips locked onto his, he rises to remove his swim trunks while you trail your hands up and down his torso before slipping them beneath the water’s surface to stroke him intimately. As he grasps at your ass, you moan in pleasure into each other's mouths until finally settling into his lap where you let out soft moans of ecstasy as you feel him brush against your inner thighs.

After adjusting your position several times, you eventually slide down the length of him as your eyes roll shut. His hands are irresistibly drawn to your thighs, gliding upwards until they rest firmly on your ass. With rapt attention, he guides the rhythm of you on top of him.

“Oh, fuck, John,” you whine as you tilt your head back, then you look at him, “Fuck, I’ve missed you.”

John places his right hand on the back of your neck and pulls you closer, “I’ve missed you too.”

You close your eyes and moan softly as John leans up to suck on your neck, and you roll your hips faster, chasing the pleasure. His hand slides down to your breast where he pinches and twists your nipple, then he sucks on it and wraps his arms around you tight before you both look at each other.

“Take your time,” you whisper, nodding your head and cupping his face, “Take your time with me.”

“Absolutely.”

You brought Ronan along to meet with Maya and her dad to act as a…buffer. John can be intimidating, but he’s not as intimidating when he’s holding his baby girl. Hopefully when Maya’s dad sees John with Ronan, he’ll understand that John is the same as him: a dad who just really loves his daughter and wants what’s best for her.

You’re currently in the apartment with Ronan, and you’re kneeling down by the window with her as she looks out and points at every car on the street. John ran to get some sandwiches for the two of you since you both completely forgot to eat lunch, but he should be back soon.

“Hello?” Maya pokes her head in and smiles, “Hi.”

“Hey, come in.” you get up and fix your jeans as you walk over to meet her dad.

Maya walks over and gestures to her dad, “This is my dad.”

“Hi,” you reach out and shake his hand, “I’m Y/N.”

“William,” he nods, then he puts his hands on his waist and nods as he looks around the living room, already inspecting it.

Very much a protective dad.

“Oh, I’m not sure you’ve met her yet, this is Ronan,” you say, reaching down to pick her up, “Can you say hi, baby?”

Maya smiles when Ronan waves at her, then she laughs, “She looks just like John.”

“It’s the eyes,” John says as he walks in, then he sets the bag down and walks over to shake hands with William, and they immediately begin talking about the apartment.

You bounce Ronan in your arms a few times, then you laugh when she leans over for Maya to hold her. Maya cautiously takes her from you and holds her, then she sits down on the floor. You sit down with them and get a few of Ronan’s toys, and you smile when she holds them up to show Maya.

“How old is she?”

“Just turned 9 months,” you say, tickling Ronan’s belly. “She just started walking, so she’s kind of in love with walking around right now. Every where I go, I just hear her little feet right behind me.”

Maya laughs, “That’s cute.”

“She’d get so frustrated when John and I would be a few feet away talking and she’d just cry because she couldn’t get to us. She started crawling early and walking too. We’re fully convinced she’s a genius, but it’s most likely because she just tries to keep up with us.” you say, then you look over at John as he hands William the lease he came up with last night. He glances at you for a moment, and you smile at him before you look back at Ronan, “She just loves her daddy so much.”

Ronan gets up and wobbles a little, then she walks over to John and clings to his jeans before he reaches down and picks her up. She reaches up and scratches her fingers over his beard as he tries his hardest to keep a straight face, and you and Maya both laugh.

“Maya,” William looks at her and waves her over, so the two of you both get up and walk over to the counter. “Mr. Wick has come up with a lease for you.”

“I just figured a three month lease would be best. Say in three months, you no longer wish to live here or even work here,” John shrugs as he looks at her, “This way you’re not tied down for six months or longer.”

Maya nods, then she looks at her dad, “And the rent is okay?”

“Rent is…the cheapest you’re going to get in Manhattan, especially with a place this big and nice.” he says, then he laughs, “Kind of feel bad for how cheap it is.”

“Well, just because we’ve lowered the rent doesn’t mean anything. Anytime you need repairs or anything, don’t hesitate to call us. We’ll call someone and get them out here to fix it.” you say, and John nods, “And we’ll pay for it. We own this place, and John and I went back and forth for about a month over what to do with it. We certainly don’t need it since we have a home in Mill Neck, so we figured why not rent it out to someone?”

Maya perks up as she looks at her dad, “So you like it?”

“I do,” William nods and looks around, “It’s a nice place.”

John hoists Ronan up a little, “We got a new security system as well, so she’s safe here.”

You smile as you look at John, then you rub his back a little before intertwining your fingers with his. He lets go to wrap his arm around your shoulder, then he pulls you closer and kisses the top of your head while Maya and William walk around to discuss everything.

Ronan kicks her legs to be put down, then she waddles after Maya as you laugh. Maya looks down when Ronan clings to her leg, and John lets out a small laugh when she reaches up to be held.

“Grace better be careful. I think Ro is finding a few favorite.” John says, and you laugh as you move to stand in front of him. He looks over the top of your head at William, then he looks at you, “Lunch in the park after?”

You nod your head as you lean up to kiss his cheek, “Yeah.”

“And I’m right here for work too.” Maya whispers, and her dad nods. “I really like this place, dad. And Mr. and Mrs. Wick are really, really nice to me.”

William nods, then he wraps his arm around her shoulder, “If this is what you want…”

“I do.” she nods, and he leans down to kiss her cheek.

You smile when they walk back over to you to sign the lease, and you open the cupboard and pull out the purple gift bag, “I had a feeling you’d say yes, so I got you a housewarming gift. If I was a single girl, I’d take the place too.”

Maya laughs as she pulls out the little potted plant and the candle you bought for her, then she hugs you, “Thank you.”

John takes the papers after they’ve signed them, then he hands Maya a set of keys, “There you go. Welcome home.”

“I have an apartment!” Maya laughs.

“The only thing we ask is no crazy parties since the shop is downstairs,” John says, and Maya laughs as she nods. “That’s pretty much it. Oh, and if you have anything in particular that you want, such as a certain couch and desk, just let us know and we’ll pick it up for you.”

William shakes his head as he laughs, “She’s got plenty of stuff at home.”

Ronan throws her toy to the floor and laughs as it skids over to your feet, then she walks over and reaches up for you.

“We’ll get out of your hair. You can move in whenever you want.” John says, then he shakes William’s hand, “I promise she’ll be safe here. I know how protective we can get about our kids, especially our daughters. You have my word.”

You feel your heart flutter a little as John looks over at Ronan in your arms, then you walk over and hug Maya, “I can’t wait to see how you decorate the place. Paint and do whatever you want in here!”

“Yeah, I’m really excited for that part.” she smiles, then she waves at Ronan, “Bye.”

“Say bye, Ro.” you wave, and Ronan waves at Maya as you walk to the door.

John grabs the bag from the counter, then he walks down the stairs with you to the shop. It’s open today but things were taken care of--thankfully. You walk through the shop and smile at some customers, then you wave at Naomi before heading out to the street where your car is parked out front.

“Definitely gonna need the stroller.” you say, hoisting Ronan up more, “I’m a little weakling or she’s just getting so much bigger.”

John laughs as he gets it from the trunk, then he kisses Ronan’s cheek as he puts her in it. You stuff your purse in the bottom, then you wrap your arm around John’s bicep and lock the car before walking across the street to the park.

“So, I have a question,” John says, and you look up at him, “If you were single, you’d want to live out here?”

“Well, no. I love Mill Neck.” you say, shrugging. “I don’t want to live here. There’s too many people and it’s never quiet. I don’t even like coming into the city when I’m alone. It makes me so, so, so anxious. I only ever come out here when I’m with you or if I’m coming out here to see you.”

John nods, “What if when you first moved here, you found this shop and it was looking to hire and rent an apartment out, would you have taken it?”

“Maybe, I guess. I don’t know. Part of me wants to say yes.”

“We wouldn’t have met then,” he says, and you look up at him again, “We wouldn’t have met if you had moved here.”

You shake your head as you laugh, “I don’t believe that. I think you and I would meet no matter what. No matter where in New York I was living, you and I would meet.”

“You really think that?”

“We were meant to meet so that we could have this beautiful little girl,” you say, nodding your head, “Whether we met because Bleu ran up to me at the mailbox or we both hailed the same taxi, we would have met.”

John smiles, “Yeah.”

“I was literally outside of the museum while you were inside fucking shit up. You think that wasn’t fate?” you laugh, and John smiles wider. “We might have just missed one another once or twice but it wasn’t the right time until September 5th.”

“Best day of my life.” John smiles, pulling you closer to his side.

You tilt your head back and smile at him, “We were destined to meet and fall in love because without one another, we wouldn’t have Ronan. Ronan wouldn’t be who she is if you weren’t her dad.”

John smiles as he leans down to kiss you, “I love you so much, you know that?”

“Do you know that I love you so much?” you ask, and John nods his head before leaning down to kiss you.

Ronan squeals loudly as you and John kiss, and you laugh against his lips and look down at her as she waves at random people. You smile as you look at some little kids waving at her, then you look back at John.

“Best thing we ever did,” he whispers, and you nod your head as he cups your face, “Best thing I ever did: meeting you.”

“Stop!” you laugh as you put your hand over your face, “You’ll make me cry.”

You feel a sense of comfort and safety in his embrace, like nothing else in the world really matters. His touch is gentle yet firm, and you can't help but smile at the warmth he brings to your heart. As you pull away from him, John looks into your eyes and whispers words of love that make your heart skip a beat, and a smile spreads across your face. You realize how lucky you are to have him in your life, and you vow to cherish every moment with him. The memory of this embrace will stay with you forever, a reminder of the love that surrounds you.

taglist: @sakurachan-9 @beingnerdyissupercool @tnu-ree @ruby-octo Lemme know if u want to be added!

#john wick x you #john wick x reader #john wick imagine #john wick x y/n #john wick fic #fic: hold my hand #hiii sorry it's been so long since i updated last! life has been A LOT lately #plus i'll be honest i've been writing this one really random chapter lmaoooo i can't wait to share it #there's a few chapters that i can't wait to share tbh #anyway enjoyyyyy i love u all byeeee

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polarisbibliotheque · 10 months

Text

Updating by writing you guys this huge post. I mean it, it's really long xD

Heeey-ho!

I know, I know, I couldn't keep my Halloween promise T-T

Tha Halloween gods are now shouting at me "HOW COULD YOU?!"

Die Halloween gods, slowly coming after me - black and white edition

As it has happened before, I'll be posting both Dante and Vergil's part during november. I'm still working on them, so it might take a while. Do apologise.

They will be here, just with a little delay. I do think Halloween should last more than just a few days, so screw it, until Christmas, it's still legal to celebrate Halloween at the Bibliothéque \o/

Now, now, for those who don't like too much talking, I'll be explaining a little bit below why I'm taking so long. Feel free to skip it if you don't want to read it, no worries ;)

(There's a "conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel" in pink down there if you want to scroll down to that point!)

As *not* expected, my health took a crazy downturn. I know I say it all the time, but hell, I've no idea what gives this time. I literally stopped everything. I spend most of the day in pain and the rest of it sleeping. That's it.

I have an appointment with my doctor next week, but I'm not too much hopeful. Last exams showed I have two ulcers - which means scarring and bleeding in the stomach - that can be literally anything.

Not gonna lie, I'm pretty worried it can be something worse than I was expecting, although it never even appeared to exist before, but well... My anxiety isn't exactly logic.

Secondly, as you guys might not know, I'm graduated in Law, worked as a lawyer for 5+ years before having a burnout and all those health issues (yeah, yeah, don't do what I've done, all that sort of thing). But something you don't know, and honestly probably only my close family knows and cares about, is that my graduation thesis was "The Conflict of Israel x Palestine and International Law".

I researched it for 3 years before defending my thesis, got a college prize for it, the professor who mentored me made a huge speech on how I proved "we women can do it on academia and research" and that my work was really nice. I'm not saying all this 'cause I'm boasting, I'm just saying I know what I'm talking about (because you know, who has never met a man who thinks their opinion is better than yours "just because" while you have a fucking huge CV on research and graduated with honors on the same matter but, somehow, you can't beat the opinion he just pulls out of his ass?).

All of this to say, I'm devastated by what's going on. This is more than politics to me. This was my thing, you know? I had a dream, stupid ~promising young woman~ dream of doing something with my intelligence to actually help people. To actually stop massacres of happening. I wanted to work at the UN, I wanted to speak with world leaders, to show people how much I can research and how much basic human rights matter so horrid things cannot happen ever again.

When the war broke and the bombings started, I followed the news. And then the news weren't reliable anymore. I started digging to find the truth - and hells, the truth is ugly and bloody. I think that's when all those last shards of dreams came crashing down. I thought I could do something, you know? Actually do something. But in the end, my parents were broke, I had to work to help at home, I kept sending my CV to the UN but I was never enough, and I just wasted my energy and health under the boots of someone who had more power and influence than me to break me and kill my career before it even started.

I felt so horribly powerless. So horribly broken. It seems stupid, but everything that is going on out there fells personal to me, I have history with it. And it broke me. Completely. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't force myself to at least watch the horrible things going on and try to like/share so the algorithm can make it reach other people.

That's all I can do.

You know, I have a lot of Vergil in me. For the things I wrote, I think you all can see I have a thing of "I never want to feel pain again and I want power so no one can never hurt me again" - that's why I think I want to kick his ass every time I see this fucking man being so emotionally constipated and ruthless because of his trauma. It's a way to protect himself, burning every path so he never feels powerless again - and I guess we all HATE to see the parts of our own personalities we hate the most in someone elese

So yeah. I know things took a dark turn on this one, but I decided to be honest with you guys - since I'm owing so many updates: the 2 Halloween fics, Nemesis and Survivor's Blood. I'm not really well currently, and only the gods know how much effort I'm making to keep it together... At least a little bit.

Physically, I'm like V. And I'm not even trying to be funny, every time I see that lil' goth twink I want to yeet him away because, hell, I'm MAD I see myself in him (mind you, I used to be more on Dante's side of the fitness spectre xD) - and not only regarding fitness, but tiredness. Falling apart. It's so... Harrowing. I think that's the word that fits the feeling better.

Mentally, I'm Vergil. I don't want to, I want to beat him with a stick, I want to yell at his face and kick his stupid ass, but damn. I get it. That crippling fear of not wanting to feel powerless again, to have people abuse you? The feeling you're trapped in your own body? The "feelings bring only pain and suffering"? The terrifying dread of discovering you failed at everything even with all your talents and never wanting to admit it? Check all of those. I hate you Vergil, but I get you.

I'm trying, though. I use writing as a coping mechanism and as a way to resolve many things mentally, but the last months have felt SO overwhelming I went back to my paralysed state of not being able to do anything and running away from things that remind me of all THAT.

You guys might be alarmed, but there's no reason to be, though. This is a ~moment~ I'm going through and I just need to sort it all out. I'm starting to get some warning signs of numbness, vivid nightmares of past issues, the paralysis, avoidance - but I've been there before. I just haven't figured out a way to pull myself together and I don't even remember how I did that once, so it might take me some time.

I don't know why, I had some sort of weird ~boost~ while thinking in the shower today, and I might know how to give the small steps to start getting back on track and gaining that momentum I need. This weekend I had to convince my mom to celebrate her birthday 'cause she's my Samwise Gamgee carrying me up Mount Doom and she wasn't in a mood to do so - therefore on monday, I have some things in mind to discuss with her and, hopefully, things will slowly go back to their place.

Conclusion and TL;DR for those who don't want to read this whole novel hahaha

THAT BEING SAID: I'm really sorry I can't deliver everything I wanted to you, guys. I didn't expect life to get so much more fucked up than it already was, but here we are. I just have to get used to the new pace of things, but it might take a while. My output of writing will be slow, but hey, after I can get out of that paralysis phase, I'll probably be writing more and posting more - 'cause I really, really love this. With all my heart.

(also, if you people see me active on my drawing thing, posting a bunch of things, it's 'cause I'm finally getting to look at all the art I've done but never posted and actually updating it and putting my art blog to some use I haven't in a while - I won't be creating new stuff. All old stuff I procrastinated as HELL and those will be some of my small steps to get out of this rut)

Now, as a last thing, I intend to use a video from a guy I always watch on youtube as some sort of guiding light in these trying times hahahaha but seriously, he has some really sound advice and he is so down to earth. Maybe someone who's going through some fucked up times can use his advice as well and unfuck their life too :)

youtube

That's it. I felt like I needed some raw honesty today. Like I said, small steps. This is part of it hahahaha

I hope you guys understand. There's nothing I love more than writing, creating something for people - and all of this, everyone I met here and every single person that uses their time, which is the most precious thing we have, to read something I wrote gives me the greatest gift I can be given. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate you and how much I don't want to disappoint you.

So thank you. I will work slowly and I will need some time to get my shit together, but I'll always be here. I'll update everything I need and won't leave you hanging but you know... It's like Dracula Daily. It starts in April and finishes by the end of the year, taking time to put the letters together.

Aaaaand, if you read Lord of the Rings, the whole adventure takes a year. We are very much conditioned to be given content constantly to keep algorithms happy, but I do have a view that humans (and art for that matter) can't keep up with being content.

Zygmunt Bauman said we live in liquid times, and made the theory that everything is liquid nowadays (for people who like sociology and philosophy, I highly recommend his books, I love him with all my heart), so we're not really used to things that are a little more... Constant. Earthy, perhaps. Slow, stable, never leaving.

I try my best to be like that, not like a liquid, inconstant, fleeting presence. I want the things I do to be part of something that will stay, and I like being someone that stays - and doesn't just flow away because everything has to be fast and ever moving nowadays. The Bibliothéque is to be like that, I think, a place that no matter what, you can come back after ten months and you'll still find me here, drinking some tea and writing stuff. And I'll be happy to see you again, for as much as you can or would like to stay :)

kinda like Dante in his lil' shop :')

That's it. Thank you for reading me mumbling nonsensically in order to tell you I will keep updating my fanfiction, even if at a slow pace HAHAHAHAHAHA

Hope you guys have a fine weekend and a good next week! I'll be always lurking around, but the creation process will be a bit slow.

Will still be here to mumble randomly about DMC and scream random things in the void though :D

*me getting ready to tackle life for the next months, going like "still heeeeeeeeere bitch!!"*

***

And I'd like to add that I searched for "Obi Wan" on GIFs to find some sassy defying mood too add here and one of the first hits was this:

I'll leave you guys on this note 'cause I'm still wheezing about it, it's so friggin' on point I can't EVEN

#polaris speaks #update #life update #writing update #personal post #personal rant #ranting #rant post #and I meant it to be a little post going like 'haha it's gonna take a while to update'#but decided to be honest #I always think it's good when people I admire admit going through tough times or trauma or being broke or just overall not good #it makes me be less harsh on myself regarding everything I guess #so I thought this vulnerability from my part could do someone some good as it does for me when other people are vulnerable #I mean I'm hating it #seriously considering deleting this post once it goes live #don't know if I'm gonna do that but for now #I hope it helps someone #I really do #(don't worry Vergil is judging me from the distance the man would probably beat the shit out of me or hug me no in betweens with him)#Youtube

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