#And I just don't know how to convey to her how much it deeply hurts me that she can't see how fucked up that is

[moogiewara]

.

[sidthedollface2]

A Crown fit for a God

Pairing: Azriel x Fem Reader, Eris x Fem Reader

Summary: Azriel sees you tearfully reading and asks Elain for help with a gift.

Warnings: Pining, talks of war, mostly fluff, Elain (it's fine don't worry) hurt/comfort/no comfort.

Word count: 1.6k

A/N: This belongs with a mini series I’m currently working on but it can be read as a stand alone. I’m not a writer so keep that in mind if you find mistakes. Lol.

Azriel watched from afar as you tenderly stroked the soft petals of a daisy. Your eyes closed as you deeply inhaled the floral scent. A soft smile spread across your face, enjoying the fragrance. Azriels heart beat wildly in his chest at the sight.

You sat on a bench next to a shallow pond, small fish and turtles leisurely swimming about. The sun was high in the sky, rays of light breaking through the trees, casting you in a divine glow. From your small satchel you pulled out your beloved book. One of young romance and finding true love, definitely not one of Nestas collection. The novel was about two friends sent to fight a war, similar to the war you fought in. The male had been caught by the enemy, with no way to tell his partner, she assumed he had passed leaving her to fight not only the war alone but live a life without her mate.

Azriel's heart clenched as you softly cried into the book, wiping the tears that rolled down your hot cheeks. He envisioned himself sitting beside you, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, tucked in close to his side. Peppering kisses to your temple, soothing your broken heart kiss by kiss. His daydream was interrupted as Rhys requested him mind to mind.

That afternoon Azriel sat next to Elain in her garden, thinking of you and how all these flowers would be jealous of not only your beauty but of your heart as well. He wished to bring you expensive and thoughtful things, place them at your feet like the God that you were, if only to see that shy smile once again.

He shouldn't have asked, but his mouth moved faster than his brain, “Elain, do you think you can show me how to make a flower crown?” he internally winced. Although he ended things with her the moment he saw you, they still remained acquaintances. He couldn’t bear pursuing you while he was bedding her. It wasn’t fair to drag her along when deep down he knew she wasn't what he truly desired. She was pretty and attractive by fae standards but you were incomparable. An exquisite work of art crafted by the first Gods.

“Azriel, is this for…..” she tried to say your name but it hurt too much. Jealousy ran through her, itching to deny him this simple request.

“Yes, I'm sorry. It was wrong of me –”

“Sit,” she relented, patting the space next to her. “What flowers does she like?”

Azriel took a moment to think, scratching at his chin in concentration.

“Hmm, I’m afraid I don’t know what flower she likes.” He slumped, already feeling useless in his attempt at a sweet gesture.

“That's ok, flowers also have meaning. What do you wish to convey to her?”

“Love.”

Azriel said with a quickness Elaine had never seen before.

“You love her.” Elain stated, smiling at Azriel with pride.

“More than I ever thought possible.” Azriel confirmed with a soft sigh as he cut the stem of a vibrant red rose. “But I don’t want to tell her just yet. Oh, she does enjoy the smell of daisies,” he remembered, picking the white daisies within his reach.

“Then daisies will do.”

Once Azriel gathered enough daisies he proceeded to twist them one by one just as Elain instructed. Holding two daisies, Azriel loops one over the stem of the other making a knot. One by one he loops more daisies to the main stem until it creates a crown large enough to fit on top of your pretty head. Once the main crown is done, he gathers green lace fern and baby's breath intertwining them between the daisies to make the crown appear vibrant and bountiful.

With a friendly hug he thanks Elain for her help and stalks off with a bounce in his step, eager to present his gift to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Azriel finds you sitting on the wooden bench once again. It had been days since he saw you, Rhys having sent him on a mission before he had a chance to give you the crown. He makes himself known by clearing his throat, “May I join you?” He asks, glancing at the spot next to you, his hands held behind his back.

“Oh! Yes of course.” You glance up at him, noticing he’s not in his usual leathers but a navy collared shirt . It fits him perfectly. Snug around the diameter of his muscular arms and toned pecs. His strong thighs stretch the fabric of his sleek pants, as he takes the seat next to you, gently brushing his thigh against yours.

“I’m sorry to disrupt your reading, but I brought something you might need.”

Azriel then pulled out a blue box with a silver bow from a pocket of shadow, and handed it to you. Surprised at this unexpected gift, you remove the ribbon and within the box folded neatly was a lace handkerchief.

“If it’s real, it will never be over.” Azriel jerked his chin toward your book and your eyes widened.

“You’ve read it?” You beamed, clutching your beloved book to your chest. Holding it near your heart that wanted to desperately find someone. Someone willing to go into battle for the chance to be loved. A chance to find their equal in a world of undeserving immortals.

Azriel smiled and you melted at the sight, he was the light in the dark, a beacon lighting your way and you a moth to the flame.

“Yes, I’ve read it. It gets quite emotional towards the end.”

Azriel looked down with disappointment in his eyes, “I had got you something else, but I’m afraid it wilted before I was able to give it to you.”

You placed your hand on top of his. Azriel didn't flinch but relished in the warmth of your touch. “I’d still like to see it, if that's alright with you?”

Azriel nodded and his shadows carried the fragile crown, gently placing it in your lap. Azriel cheeks flushed, witnessing the cool shadows brushing against the softness of your cheek. For the first time ever he was jealous of them, he wanted to be the one to reach out and touch you, be gentle and tender towards you.

He wasn't known for soft things but for you he’d learn. For you he’d make flower crowns and read romantic books. He’d sit next to you and listen as the wind rustled through the trees, breathing in the citrus scent of your hair and the delicate perfume on your skin.

“I love it.” You gasp, gently thumbing at the browned petals, each touch bringing the flower back to its natural unwithered state. Your touch had the power to bring life to what once was. Flowers, once withered and decayed, are brought back to health. Animals that had been injured or hunted; a single touch healed and brought them back to vitality. Azriel smiled brightly at the display of your magic, “of course you’d be able to fix broken things. Perhaps,” he stalled, looking at his hands, “perhaps you’d be able to fix me too?”

You followed his line of sight, understanding the meaning behind his self-deprecation. Slowly you held his hands in yours, grasping them tightly hoping he’d understand the importance of your words. “Azriel, there's nothing to fix because you're not broken. All your flaws, all your imperfections, it’s what I adore about you.”

Azriels heart could explode, you wound him with your sweet words and gentle touches.

He hopes you’ll want all his flaws, all his imperfections and all his mistakes. He’s had many that's true, regrets that he can't undo, a darkness that can swallow him whole. But despite all his wrongdoings he can only hope you’ll choose him.

With nothing to hold him back slowly he leans forward, a scarred palm cups your soft face and he almost pulls back. Glancing between your supple lips and radiant eyes, he licks his lips closing the distance between–

“ I hope I'm not disrupting.”

Startled, you quickly pull away coming to a stand, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Azriel clenches his jaw, as he stands towering over the Autumn heir in a show of dominance.

Stepping around the winged illyrian, Eris sideyes the boxed gift and flower crown with a look of annoyance and distaste. Before Eris can snatch it, Azriel carefully picks it up and steps in front of you, placing the crown softly on your head. You're breathtaking. He attentively adjusts the strands of hair that frame your face, rubbing your silky waves between his fingers, so much softer than he imagined. Soon, Azriel thinks. He’ll be able to keep you, If you choose to be his of course.

Reminding you of his presence Eris breaks the tension, “It’s time to go love.”

“Will they find eachother again? Once the war is over?” you ask, pleading that true love can withstand even the most violent of battles.

Please tell me love finds a way.

Before Azriel can answer, Eris swiftly pulls you away, wrapping his arm tightly around your waist, squeezing your hip, where he branded your body in a bargain. He kisses the corner of your mouth, looking over his shoulder with a smirk at a seething Azriel.

Azriels deep sultry voice carries in the wind, “in the middle of the chaos on the battlefield, he finds her. And she finally tells him –”

Your hopeful eyes are the last thing he sees as Eris winnows you away, leaving Azriel with three little words whispered in the air. A confession Azriel will one day be brave enough to purr between heated kisses and embraced bodies.

I love you.

[zesty4zenin]

Hi Pebblesss! I’ve never done a request before so hopefully this is okay ^_^

I was wondering if you could do a yandere Nanami with fem! Reader who was all bark and bite when he first kidnapped her. Spitting curses at him and trying to escape every chance she got, until she finally just gave up. Becoming his pliant little dove and eventually falling for him. Maybe a bit of smut at the enddd? :333

“𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐈 𝐦𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐌𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞.”

YANDERE!KENTO NANAMI X FEM!READER

In which Kento acts on his feelings.

WARNINGS: Smut, Kidnapping

"YOU ASSHOLE!”

Kento sighed deeply as you hurled another curse at him, tightly wrapping yourself in the blanket of what he now considered 'your' room. The room, once unfamiliar, was now filled with your scent and presence, making it a sanctuary for him, but a prison for you.

You despised him. Your life had been perfectly fine at home, surrounded by your belongings, your memories, your freedom. So why did he have to ruin everything?

But what you didn't know was that Kento had his reasons.

He was in love with you. From the moment he first saw you during your first year at Jujutsu High, he knew you were the one. Your kindness, your strength, your smile – they all captivated him. Fearful that something might happen to you in the dangerous world of sorcerers, he took matters into his own hands.

He had informed the higher-ups that you had retired from active duty, concocting a plausible story. Then, under cover of darkness, he brought you to his home, a place he deemed safe and secure.

But it seemed you couldn't comprehend his feelings.

"Take me home, Kento! I want to go back to my own house," you demanded, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and desperation as you threw a pillow at him.

Kento caught the pillow with ease, his expression softening as he looked at you. "I can't do that," he replied softly, placing the pillow gently on the bed. "I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to you out there. You're safe here with me." His tone was gentle, yet resolute, as he tried to convey the depth of his emotions.

"You don't get it, do you?" you snapped, your eyes burning with tears. "Fuck this and fuck you."

Kento stepped closer, his eyes filled with a mix of sorrow and determination. "I know you hate me right now, but I did this because I love you. I can't risk losing you to this cruel world. I won't let anything happen to you."

You turned away from him, frustration bubbling over. "You can't just decide what's best for me. I had a life, Kento. Friends, a home. You took all that away."

"I know," he said quietly, his voice almost a whisper. "But in time, you'll understand. Everything I did, I did for you. To protect you."

You remained silent, your heart heavy with conflicting emotions. Deep down, a part of you could see the sincerity in his eyes, but the overwhelming sense of betrayal clouded your judgment.

THE NEXT FEW DAYS…

Kento was getting annoyed.

Don't get him wrong, he still loved you very much, but this little game you kept playing was getting old very fast.

"Let me go! Let me go!" you squealed, struggling in his firm grasp, your hands pushing futilely against his arms in a desperate bid for freedom.

Once again, Kento had caught you trying to escape. You'd lost count of how many times you'd attempted to run away this month alone, each time hoping that maybe, just maybe, you'd succeed.

"Sweetheart, I've told you this before, it's no use. I know when you try to leave," he said with a sigh, his voice calm but tinged with frustration as you continued to struggle against him.

Your eyes burned with a mix of fear and defiance. "I’m not staying here, Kento. You can't keep me like this!”

He tightened his grip slightly, enough to stop your wriggling but not to hurt you. "I'm doing this because I love you. I need you to be safe, to be with me. You don't understand how dangerous the world is."

You shook your head, tears starting to form in your eyes. "I don't care! I'd rather take my chances out there than be trapped here with you."

Kento's expression softened, though his grip remained firm. "I know it's hard, but in time, you'll see that this is for the best. I'm protecting you because I care about you more than anything. Can't you see that?"

You stopped struggling for a moment, looking up at him with a mixture of sadness and anger. "Let me go. I don’t wanna be here."

His eyes flickered with pain at your words, but he remained resolute. "I know you feel that way now, but you'll understand one day. Everything I do is for you."

Your shoulders slumped in defeat, the fight draining out of you. "I just want to go home..."

He held you close, his voice barely a whisper. "You are home, sweetheart. You're safe here with me."

Tears fell down your face as you realize there was simply no point in continuing to fight.

So, you stopped fighting him, letting yourself become pliant in his arms. The struggle left your body, replaced by a heavy resignation. Kento noticed the change immediately and a small, relieved smile tugged at his lips.

"I'm glad you're starting to understand," he said softly, loosening his grip and letting you go. He watched you carefully, his eyes scanning your face for any sign of rebellion.

To his surprise and satisfaction, you quietly turned and walked towards your room without a word, without a fight. You could feel his gaze on you, heavy with anticipation, but you kept your steps steady and unhurried.

As you reached your room and stepped inside, you heard a soft chuckle behind you. Glancing back, you saw Kento standing there, a genuine smile spreading across his face. "Good girl," he murmured, more to himself than to you. "I knew you'd come around eventually."

You closed the door behind you, leaning against it as the reality of your situation washed over you. The room, once a place of confinement, now felt like a small refuge where you could at least have a moment of peace. You took a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart.

Outside, Kento stood for a moment longer, his smile lingering. He felt a sense of triumph, believing that his love and persistence were finally paying off. He walked away, content, feeling that his dreams of a peaceful life with you were now within reach.

A few hours later, loneliness crept over you like a suffocating blanket.

The silence of the room pressed down on you, amplifying every little noise and making the walls feel like they were closing in.

You needed comfort, human connection, even if it came from the person who had taken your freedom.

Quietly, you opened your door and made your way to the living room. The soft glow of the TV illuminated Kento's figure as he sat on the couch, his attention focused on the screen. He didn't notice you at first, too absorbed in whatever was playing.

Hesitantly, you walked over and stood beside him for a moment, unsure of how he would react. When he finally glanced up and saw you, his expression softened, and he shifted slightly to make room.

Without a word, you climbed into his lap, settling yourself against him. You could feel his body tense for a moment before he relaxed, wrapping his arms around you in a gentle but firm embrace. The warmth of his body seeped into yours, a comforting presence that you craved.

You laid your head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. The sound was soothing, grounding you in the present and easing some of the loneliness that had been gnawing at you. For a moment, the world outside faded away, and all that existed was the warmth of Kento's embrace.

Kento's hand stroked your back gently, his other hand resting on your thigh. "I knew you'd come around," he murmured softly, his voice vibrating through his chest. "This is where you belong."

You didn't respond, closing your eyes and letting yourself be enveloped by his warmth. For now, you pushed away the thoughts of escape and resistance, allowing yourself to find some semblance of peace in his arms. The comfort he provided was a stark contrast to the anger and fear you'd been feeling, and you clung to it, if only for a little while.

As the minutes passed, Kento's hold on you tightened slightly, as if reassuring himself that you were really there. "I'll always take care of you," he whispered, his breath brushing against your hair. "No matter what."

In that moment, you let yourself believe him, if only to quell the aching loneliness inside you. The future could wait; for now, you just needed to feel safe and held, even if it was in the arms of your captor.

You shifted slightly, finding a more comfortable position in his lap. Kento adjusted as well, making sure you were securely nestled against him. His fingers traced soothing patterns on your back, the repetitive motion lulling you into a sense of calm.

"You don't have to be afraid anymore," he continued softly. "As long as you're with me, nothing can hurt you."

His words, though meant to reassure, were a stark reminder of the control he held over you. Yet, the desperation for human contact and the warmth of his body made it hard to focus on anything else. You knew this peace was temporary, a fleeting moment in the midst of chaos, but you allowed yourself to sink into it.

Kento's hand moved to gently cradle your head, his fingers tangling in your hair. "You mean everything to me," he confessed, his voice filled with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine. "I'd do anything to protect you, to keep you safe."

You swallowed hard, trying to suppress the emotions welling up inside you. It was difficult to reconcile the man who held you so tenderly with the one who had taken your freedom. The lines between love and obsession blurred, leaving you feeling more confused than ever.

"I'm here now," you whispered, more to yourself than to him. "That's all that matters."

Kento's arms tightened around you, as if trying to fuse you into his very being. "That's right," he agreed softly. "You're here, with me. And that's how it will always be."

For now, you allowed yourself to believe it, finding confort in his arms.

—

A few months passed, and the initial resentment and fear you felt began to fade. Kento's unwavering care and the constant presence of his comforting embrace gradually chipped away at your defenses. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, you found yourself falling in love with him. The lines between captor and protector blurred, leaving only the bond that had formed between you.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon and cast a warm glow through the living room window, you found yourself waiting for Kento to come home. The house, once a place of confinement, now felt like a home, filled with memories of shared meals, quiet conversations, and moments of tender intimacy.

You sat on the couch, a smile playing on your lips as you listened for the sound of his key in the door. When you finally heard it, your heart skipped a beat in anticipation. The door creaked open, and Kento stepped inside, looking weary but content.

"Kento," you called softly, standing up from the couch.

His eyes lit up when he saw you, and the weariness seemed to melt away. He set his bag down and approached you, his expression softening.

You wrapped your arms around him, hugging him softly. "Welcome home," you whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

Kento's arms enveloped you, holding you close. "It's good to be home," he murmured, his voice filled with warmth and relief.

You pulled back slightly, just enough to look into his eyes. "I missed you," you said, your fingers brushing against his cheek as you leaned in to kiss him. The kiss was tender and full of affection, a silent acknowledgment of the love that had blossomed between you.

"I missed you too," he replied, his hand resting on the small of your back as he deepened the kiss, savoring the moment.

When you finally pulled away, you led him to the couch, where you both sat down, still wrapped in each other's embrace. "How was your day?" you asked, genuinely interested in hearing about his time away from home.

He sighed contentedly, a smile tugging at his lips. "Better now that I'm here with you," he said, his eyes shining with love and gratitude.

As you rested your head on his shoulder, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest, you realized that despite the unusual circumstances that had brought you together, you were starting to be happy.

This wasn’t as bad as it turned out to be.

You turned your head to face him then pressed your lips to Nanami's once more, your arms wrapping around his neck. His hands slipped beneath your clothing, wrapping around your waist and drawing you nearer. The intensity of the kiss grew as Nanami's fingers traced gentle circles against your skin.

Nanami's hands roamed your body, guiding you down onto the soft cushions of the couch. He spread your legs wide, positioning himself between them. He pushed your panties to the side, revealing your glistening folds.

Nanami carefully lowered himself between your spread legs, his warm breath sending a shiver down your spine. Leaning forward, he let his lips trace a path up your inner thigh before gently parting your folds. Soft moans escaped as his tongue began to dance, pleasuring you with confident strokes. Every now and then, he'd look up at you with a smile, the simple act of worshipping you, driving you wild.

As Nanami continued to pleasure you, his fingers joined his tongue, teasing your most sensitive spots. Your back arched, the pleasure building inside you. Nanami's dark eyes gazed up at you, his own need evident as he continued his ministrations. Each flick of his tongue, each graze of his fingers made you closer to the edge. The room filled with the sound of your ragged breathing, the only words that escaped your lips being his name.

Your hips bucked involuntarily as the orgasm tore through you, your back arching off the couch. Nanami continued his skilled attentions until the shudders subsided, never breaking eye contact. He leaned up to press a gentle kiss to your inner thigh, satisfaction and desire mingling in his gaze.

"I love making you feel good," he whispered, his voice thick with lust. "But I want to feel you wrapped around me too."

He gently helped you to your feet, his hands roaming over your body as you moved together towards the bedroom. Your heart raced in anticipation, eager to see where the night would take you both.

Sorry for taking so long to post !! I had so much papers to do ughh. Hope you like it :3

requests are open… made by zesty4zenin on tumble only !!

[thesorcerersshadow]

something i didn’t personally pick up on until the rewatch before this (lmao) is that it doesn’t… REALLY seem like hunith & merlin were on great terms when he left. i’ll probably go into this more during 1.10, but the events described there (hunith finding out will knew about merlin’s magic and sending him away to camelot in response) must logically have happened right before - or at least, not long before - this episode. which means that i think this episode is sort of inextricable from the implications of 1.10. and we know merlin said that hunith was “so angry” when she found out will knew, and merlin tells will he didn’t want to leave, so the implication seems to me to be that there was a big blow-up before he left.

i think this is also reflected in how merlin reacts when gaius brings up hunith. there is an element of discomfort there.

and i am just, so fascinated by his facial expressions when she comes up that i had to make some gifs about it:

"your mother asked me to look after you." "yes."

merlin's discomfort here, of course, is probably to be expected - it is uncomfortable to talk to someone you don't know all that well yet about a way in which you are vulnerable, about your parent insisting you need looking after. but there's something else here, too, because like... the way he hesitates and thinks carefully on his words before landing on a somewhat terse "yes", the way he glances to the side briefly as though he's remembering something, the way his eyes go downcast after he speaks and he only looks up again when gaius says something else... he doesn't just seem uncomfortable, he seems upset. which makes sense - the reason merlin needs 'looking after' is the reason he and hunith (may have; i believe so) fought before he left.

right after, there's this exchange.

"what did your mother say to you about your gifts?" "... that i was... special."

nd despite merlin having some amazing facial expressions throughout the show, this might be one of my top ten merlin face journeys just for how much it conveys:

(gif broken into two to meet tumblr's gif size requirements.)

(colin morgan can do a MILLION THINGS with his face (and voice) in FIVE SECONDS FLAT, i love him.) like... he's smiling awkwardly, but then he's also looking up and to the side, again, as though remembering something hunith said, and his cheeks are are all but blushing; it is very clear that he is Embarassed, but it's also kind of wistful. that side glance is almost but not quite an eye roll. this expression is like... embarassed and annoyed and fond and and wistful. (a million things!!!) which, again, to me reads like his feelings about hunith are Complex at the moment, though of course, he ultimately loves her very much and very deeply. (merlin is a #momma's boy.)

and what's interesting to me is that by the time 1.10 rolls around, this all melts away. maybe it's just been long enough, and maybe he's missed her, and maybe it's partially because when he sees her again, she's hurt, but whatever the reason he just... cannot stay mad at his mother. <3

also, to be clear: none of this is me saying hunith is a bad mom, because i don't think that's true! she was a mother who wanted to protect her son and lived in a world that made that challenging, and she was very, very afraid. i don't doubt that she made mistakes, but i also don't doubt that they were the kind of mistakes you make because you love someone, because you care.

[chirpsythismorning]

Some of the evidence supporting Mike not being in love with El is brutal. No, but seriously.

In s3, when El's leg is injured, instead of Mike putting his arm around her waist, allowing him to take some of the weight off her injured leg, he puts his arm around her shoulder, basically having the exact opposite affect of taking the weight off of her, instead just adding more weight for her to have to carry.

Now, I’m not coming at Mike here, I’m actually coming at the writers, because this choice here has everything to do with them using this gesture to signal Mike’s lack of feelings for El, even at the expense of realism.

I say this bc any person with common sense, including Finn and everyone around him and Millie filming these shots, would've known it looked unnatural for Mike to be adding more weight onto El as opposed to taking some off of her.

This means that what Mike did here, Finn was directed to do, and therefore it was for a specific reason.

And we know they could have easily made the opposite choice, because they show us Max AND Lucas doing it.

See how putting an arm around El's waist looks so much more natural? Because homegirl is injured and clearly needs help taking weight off her leg to qualm some of the pain she's experiencing there, which is why Max and Lucas are shown here doing it the correct way.

And so, why can't Mike do the same? Why are the writers making a point to show Mike being incapable of simply taking some weight off of El, instead doing the exact opposite?

I don't think it's as deep as Mike not being able to do something intimate, and that's bc, again we see Max and Lucas doing it.

I honestly think what they're trying to convey with this choice here, is that Mike thinks he's helping El, when he is in fact doing the opposite despite his best efforts. The implications of that and how that sort of aligns with their romantic relationship and what it leads to at the end of s3, going into s4, is pretty spot on.

I do think Mike thinks he's doing the right thing by being with El instead of voicing any doubts at the end of s3, because he is under the assumption that she is in love with him. I do think he believes he is indebted to her and that this is the least he can do after everything they've been through together, which has mostly been riddled with romantic pressures and so continuing that instead of disputing it seems like the only option anyways. Not to mention, he does care for her deeply, so it's not hard to imagine that he's a teenage boy confusing deep care for love (he literally tells us this is his problem when he can only say care and not love to El's face... but that's a whole other conversation).

Still, when it's all said and done, Mike's not actually doing El any favors by being with her romantically, if that is not what he truly wants.

Because that's the sad truth about all of this, which is that you would never want someone to be with you just because you want them. If you knew that they truly couldn't have those feelings for you, you'd want to know, right? You don't deserve someone just because you have deep feelings for them. And I think there's so many layers to this idea, bc many people are capable of not giving Byler a chance bc they truly believe Mike could never return Will's feelings. Will also feels this way atp, so though it hurts, he rips the band aid off, because he would never want Mike to be with him just out of pity or something. No one would want that. And so it all really comes down to who Mike truly loves romantically and wants to be with. And the right thing to do, even if it hurts someone, is to be honest, because being with them just bc you think that will make them happy is never going to be enough if you aren't truly feeling it, or worse, feel it for someone else.

We see how Mike's inability to be honest with El at the end of s3, leads to a season of Mike feeling deeply insecure and undeserving of the love El has to offer him, and even though he does try, he always comes up short. Despite Mike putting up this front that they are the perfect couple, the details are telling us something is off. And it gives him away.

Another example that I think is very similar to this loaded gesture from Mike to El in s3, is the scene in s4 when they hug in the airport.

Common sense ppl, picture this: You're reuniting with your long distance girlfriend. Then suddenly, she runs up to you, with her arms wide open, and instead of opening your arms wide to embrace her properly, you take the bouquet of flowers you brought her as a gift, and shove them against your chest just as she approaches to hug you, effectively squishing the present you got for her (a pretty delicate present at that) for no reason other than to... what exactly?

Like?? El isn't even squishing the present Mike, she's trying to hug you, dude! Your gf is trying to hug you properly and you threw the gift you got for her in between you so you could throw in a careful! x3??

Again, this has less to do with Mike's thoughts and reasoning behind this gesture in a literal sense, and more to do with the simple fact that this is a narrative choice! Mike is not a real person! There are real people sitting down and writing this and actors are having to do multiple takes to act it out. What feels natural for a situation is going to be what is often chosen 9 times out of 10, because of realism and wanting the audience to see stuff happening that is believable. That 1 time though, when it's not being done the way it would usually be, is usually because there's a specific reason for it.!

So the question really is, not why is Mike doing this, but why are the writers having Mike do this, and what message are they trying to convey about Mike's feelings based on his behavior, in these moments where he's just not capable of committing to El genuinely, one way or another?

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello my wonderful fandom :) Thank you for all your lovely comments on me being delayed. Not my usual M.O. but I definitely needed the extra time to process. I was GUTTED and absolutely wrecked. Poor D had to deal with my panic spiral for most of Wednesday. (love you lol) I'll be honest I'm still little shook up and sad. Kinda grateful for the 3 week break tbh between episodes. This was a gut punch I wasn't in the least expecting. Hoping we'll get a S7 announcement during this hiatus. *fingers crossed* Get it together ABC. This took me awhile to unpack emotionally so thank you all again for being so patient.

So I want to preface this post. There will be ZERO And I mean ZERO bashing of Tim in this review from me. Would appreciate that in comments as well. I love conversation you know I love comments. What I don't like is hate being spread. Also nothing on Eric either. I've also seen this which is utter madness. Don't touch our captain. Man loves this fandom so much. Deserves respect. If you came to this review for either of those things please promptly exit stage left. I mean that in the kindest way possible but I love Tim/Eric so it's a non starter with me.

I’ve never so deeply related with a character in all my life as I have with Tim Bradford. I’ll be dissecting this ep to best of my ability. I love both these characters so very much. Why I was knocked out for a couple days before could tackle this. I imagine my thoughts will change when I do my summer in depth one. When we have the rest of the season in pocket. I have to say this won't be mini at all. LOL So lets get rid of that concept right now ha I can't be mini with this ep. I am not brief so thanks for reading. Also hats off to Eric my god he was incredible in this episode. Melissa too killing me left, right and center you two. Let us get started.

6x06 Secret and Lies.

Poor Lucy looks like me when I’m stressed and drained af. Tamara asking how stressed she currently is? Lucy answering 19.....She looks like a 19 if not worse tbh. This is probably the most time they've spent apart since they got together. Basically living together at this point let's be honest. Other than 6x01 they haven't really spent time apart aside from that UC op in 5x21. *sigh*

Tamara asking if Tim is still ghosting her? Lucy trying so hard to keep it together with her answer. My heart. What a wreck she is without Tim. Do love that we get to see her pin-up board btw. Good shot of her room we don’t usually get. That cupcake poster I love it so much. Although now it makes me sad...

Lucy asking what's wrong? Tamara telling her she wants to move out with some friends from school. Crap. Her moving is the last thing she needs…. But it's good for her even though the idea makes me sad. End of an era. Lucy is right she needs to live with people her own age. Doesn’t make it hurt less though. This is a ROUGH season for Lucy my god. The hits keep coming for our girl and I wanna hug her. Shield her somehow....

Lucy touching near her tattoo when she reaches Angela. (Mini gut punch.) I do love her coming to Angela about this. If there is anyone who knows Tim like she does it's Angela. Does help she finds his behavior alarming too. I mean of course she does. You can see the immediate worry. The empathy she has for Lucy is there but she holds her cards close in her advice. Telling her to trust him even though it's literally killing her. Not the council Lucy needed to hear or was looking for.

Lucy wanted more action than 'Just wait and trust him.' She has been trusting him but she’s so insanely worried. Going out of her mind with anxiety for her person. It's exuding out of of her and she looks like she wants to cry…Ugh me too Lucy. I’m an empath and an anxious one at that. I would be going out of my mind too…. Angela looks worried as hell though. Even though she isn't conveying that to Lucy at this point. Breaking my heart as she takes off from their convo. Because if she doesn't she'll lose it right then and there.

God I love Angela Lopez. First off well done on tracking him down. She's just a bad ass. I mean it's one of the reason's Lucy reached out to her tbh. Just gets into his car, drinking his soda, calling him out right away. I love her reasoning saying she can live off Wesley’s trust fund. Lmao. Doesn’t matter as much if she get's fired. 'Wine o'clock.' for her. Gotta love the confidence. I truly hope we get more Tim/Angela scenes the rest of this season. I always adore their dynamic.

Tim is sold on her reasoning and starts to explain the current situation he's trapped in. Angela taking it all in and assessing everything as he explains. Once Tim has succinctly summed up his current predicament Angela's reply is the best. 'I’m in.' lmao I love this woman. ‘I got your back boo.’ That she does. In more ways than he even realizes at this point.

Gotta commend Angela calling him out for walking away from Lucy. Not only that but his job to arrest a guy hasn’t thought of in a decade…. Ain’t no one better than her to be there to call him out his crap right now. Not only that but to really dig deep. To know this is far more than what he's sharing. This is why Angela is an incredible detective rooting things out like this. Saying this is more than just protecting Lucy. Her intuition is out of this world.

I mean she's not wrong. Lucy would understand if it was just about the benefits. She would be proud really. Thing is it's about protecting himself too. Which really just scratches the surface of why he is doing this. Tim knows he's caught even if he shrugs it off. She has him dead to rights and he knows it. 'I’m your BFF. I know you.' Ha it’s true whether you like it or not Timothy…Just like Lucy she has your number.

Angela giving him crap with how they're following Ray. Worried he isn't being smart about this. This is so unlike him to be this sloppy and unfocused. She was right he was tailing too close… Ray catches on to their tail quickly. When he scanned the vehicle made me so nervous. Doing it while he's taunting Tim. He's so detail oriented blows my mind Tim let that get by him. This SL gave me such MASSIVE anxiety as I watched it. Oh my lord.

The minute they get back to Angela's place she calls him out once again. Asking why he thinks this is ALL his fault? Tim shrugs it off and she refuses to take that as his final answer. Of course Angela was right there is far more to this story. Tim finally opens up to her about what happened. He had been leading his squadron for some time. Looking to move up to Sergeant.

The catch was he couldn’t be promoted if there was rampant criminality in his unit. Ray clearly was in the way of him moving up. Tim figured he could keep it within his unit if they went after him.. Oh Tim…. It was an unsanctioned mission too. Thinking if he could accomplish this would be easy fast track to his promotion.

Kills me to know he was there during the air strike ugh… Details missing from the last episode. The Humvee saved him and Mark but not his other men… I can't imagine what Tim felt in that moment. The immense amount of guilt laid on his soul from here on out. I mean it makes sense why he never left patrol before Lucy. The last time he tried to advance his career this happened. My broken boy.

Eric CRUSHES this scene. I wanna cry. My poor Timothy. He was more focused more on his career than his oath...Got two of his men killed. My damn heart. He’s so ashamed of himself. The way he points at himself when he says 'leadership.' I knew his military past would be dark but holy crap. I wanted more of his backstory and they delivered that in spades. What a gut punch this had to be for him. No doubt his men were loyal af to him. Would've followed him anywhere and did.

He carries leading those men to their deaths because they followed his leadership. Oof. That is quite the weight to keep on your soul. Also gives us insight to why he shoulders everything. Even when he doesn't have to. Punishing himself for past transgressions such as this. I'm sure when we get to the other side of this season, I will have an even deeper respect for the writers going into his backstory like this. Giving us even more insight to this man.

This hurts so good to get this kind of info. I have no doubt that’s why he shut Lucy out. The shame he feels is overwhelming. I totally get it. Nothing scarier than someone knowing your darkest secrets. Not only that but worrying they’ll think less of you due to it. Tim already struggles with self loathing. Been a theme for him his entire arc on this series. Something I've touched on a lot. This is truly bringing that to light in the most painful way.

We see Ray scanned Tim's car in order to gain access to it. To check his GPS to see where he's been. How he's been tracking him. When he scrolls down to Lucy's address. Made my stomach sink. Legit felt sick to my stomach....

I do love Lucy coming home and having Tamara there. Saying she ordered pizza for them. This is exactly what she needs. Do you really have to go Tamara? I wonder if she'll delay leaving now after this ep. There is a knock at the door and of course it's not the pizza. It's Ray. Hair's on the back of my neck stood up from the moment he entered that apt.

I know Melissa stated in her interview she was nervous about this scene. That she came off awkward in her anger. You are incorrect madam. Holy hell Lucy is a BAMF. Telling him the only call she's gonna make is for the ambulance. Because when she's done with him he's going to need it to wheel him out. Holds her ground like the confident bad ass we've all loved seeing her become.

Lucy calling him shaking and demanding where he was. Ooh lord hell fire coming with her through that front door. I love Angela grabbing Tamara to another room. Like let's go mom and dad are about to have a big blow out. Let's give them some space...

Tim asking if she's ok? Truly concerned but Lucy isn't having ANY of it. 'Do I look ok?' Damn no she doesn't....Ripping into him saying how that creep could've showed up when she wasn't there. Lucy is not wrong....Oh my lord I’ve never seen her so damn mad. She is RAGING at him and rightfully so. Her home was violated, Tamara was put in danger and threatened. All because Tim was trying to protect her. phew.

Tim FINALLY concedes to telling her something. It only seems to enrage her more. She is literally vibrating with anger in this scene with him. The more he tells her the more it doesn't explain why he left her in the dark. Lucy begging him to read her in. I mean she has earned that my love. ..Telling him to stop protecting her. Gah Tim is a deep loyalist who would protect anyone he loves even if it's not the right thing. His reply is a reflection of that.

'I can't. I won't.' He's so driven to keep her safe. His instinct is to protect her but doesn't see he's hurting her in the process. I knew she was going to be pissed he let Angela in and not her. But Tim was right she has a lot less to lose. Which doesn't seem pertinent in this moment...I do love her placing her hands on his when she also replies. 'I can't. I won't.'

Mirroring his words from moments ago. Just like he will never stop protecting her. Lucy will never stop fighting for him or longing to help him. That man is her entire world. The most important person in her life. It makes perfect sense she would help with this. Career be damned. I mean she risked her career to get him a shot at Metro. Of course she would do the same thing in order to shoulder his burden with him.

Love her standing her ground in this moment. Like damnit I love you and you are going to let me in. Whether you like it or not I am here and I'm going to help. If this wasn't a reflection of the communication problems that still painfully exist between them I don't know what is. I mean she tried to be patient and trust him. But honestly he needed this kick in the ass to let her in. Which is a problem. Lucy needs to be the first person he goes to. It shouldn't have to come to this. *sigh*

Their OP goes off without a hitch. Except Ray saying he was going to be an air strike on Tim's life.... God I had no idea as I was watching that scene how true it would be. Tim gets his interview and lies to protect Angela and Lucy. While keeping his own job intact as well. Also welcome back to Jackson’s dad. Hello there Percy. This is not how I wanted to see him again.

But he is IA him returning was never gonna be a good thing tbh in a post Jackson world. Regardless it was nice to see him again. The scene is Grey's office is ROUGH. Never seen Wade so disappointed in Tim. It hurts to watch. Just like this entire gut punch of an episode. Tim is just standing there in utter shame of everything. Ashamed Wade is looking at him like this.

Kills me Grey has to inform Pine of what he did. It makes sense he has to but damn that sucks. The amount of respect Tim has for Wade is immense. To watch him tear Tim apart and just stand there like a puppy being scolded hurts my soul. Especially when he tries to fight Pine knowing. Just dismissing him without further comment or argument...

So I will say this and it's not at all fair to Lucy that I thought this I'm sure. But I felt like if there was gonna be a breakup it would be coming from her. Not Tim in this moment. That's the part of this moment that really knocked the wind out of me. She had every damn right to be the one too btw. Instead she is there waiting for him with open arms. Honestly I took a breath for the first time this entire episode when she welcomed him in.

Wrapping him up in her arms. Encasing him, rubbing his back, her fingers in his hair. Gently cradling him against her. I thought ok maybe we'll be alright. Since Lucy isn't nearly as angry as she was earlier. Maybe they can get through this together. Cause she loved on him regardless of what happened. The unconditional love she has for this man blows me away. I honestly thought with her loving on him maybe they'd make it out. That they’d work through it together.

Tim looks so very defeated. On the verge of an actual breakdown as he explains that he lied about everything. Saying it saved his job...protected Angela and her. It doesn't seem like enough of a win to him. He looks so very destroyed and this is just the beginning of his downward spiral.

Lucy is doing everything to be his rock in this moment. To assuage him of his guilt… Most vulnerable ever seen Tim *pre tears*…. Lucy telling him it was an impossible situation. She would've done the same thing. It’s so very clear she was willing to work through this. To build them back to where they were before he got that phone call. Everything Lucy was in this scene represented her unconditional love for him. Tim is just too destroyed at the moment to see it….Also for him to accept it. It's so hard to truly accept unconditional love if you've never had it before. To truly trust in it.

Lucy is watching him spiral out of control. The way he's talking about himself with such loathing. How she never would've been in a place where she put her self interest over her team like him. She is trying her damndest to right his wrong. But Tim is having none of it. It pains me to see it... Pains Lucy too. It's the way she grabs onto him while he continues his verbal self flogging that get's me.

Trying to ground him in this moment with her touch. Bring him back to her. Something that has worked so well in the past. Sadly not having the intended affect this time around. Tim is too damn gone at this point. He feels he’s betrayed everything he thought he was. THOUGHT he was. *heart clutch* Tim has such a deep moral compass. That's why this is rocking him so very much. Ugh my heart. I too have a crazy deep moral compass. I can't say I wouldn't be spiraling out like him as well.

This was his greatest sin brought to light. To Tim exposing him for the fraud he feels he is. Him saying he's been lying to himself for a long time is a reflection of this. That imposter syndrome coming out real strong here. Something he buried deep down came rushing to the forefront and he is imploding. Says as much above. He no longer feels worthy to be in her life now. I get this anytime I screw up with a friend or my sister. I have this deep sense of shame attached to it. Like I no longer deserve that friend or my sister cause I messed up or if a past sin comes up. That they'll no longer love me or will forever look at me differently cause of it.

It's not logical but it's deeply ingrained from my mom shaming me for doing anything wrong growing up. As it is for Tim. His father literally beat the hell out of him for ever being out of line. He has suffered emotional and physical abuse. Unless confronted and treated comes out like this. Demons making their way to the surface. I was bawling by the time he said 'I'm sorry.' He’s never seen himself worthy of Lucy’s love that much has always been evident. But to see it this raw and visceral ripped my heart out. It’s on the ground where they're both standing.

I think this is something that has been brewing in the background for Tim for a long time. Now that I've had time away to decompress and think. I'm actually very excited they're tackling this. It's clear Tim is not in a place where he thinks he deserves her anymore. Low key never has been. He acts before he thinks. Eric had a great quote from his interview about Tim "He is impulsive and he reacts instead of thinking things through, and it can come out a bit too strong.” That is this decision in a nutshell. He feels he is a burden therefore he is removing himself without thinking it through. The regret that is going to come with this is going to be immense for him.

'You deserve so much better.' Better than me basically. He feels immense shame and that shame is launching him away from her. You know I learned something in therapy about this. About not being perfect and feeling like I'm too much. i.e. a burden. My therapist told me and it made me cry. 'You are worthy of the space you take up in people's lives. They want you there.' Tim does not think he is worthy of the space he is taking up in Lucy's life now. All his sins on the table laid out for her to see. He can't handle it. That much is very clear here. I will say I haven’t let a ship hurt me like this in a long time.

This absolutely crushed me. I couldn't even fathom assembling my thoughts. Cut me very deep. Been with this ship since day one. Also what a crushing blow this is for Lucy. Our poor girl. I mean she gave everything to this relationship. I mean EVERYTHING. She was all in from the moment Tim said ‘Unless it is.’ This was her first real relationship. First real leap into being serious. Thinking about marriage and kids. She gave her all to Tim my god. Her career took a hit for him and she never complained. Knew he was worth it (he still is btw) Fought every step of the way for him. For them.

When he was pulling back above it was an absolute panic for her. She could see him slipping through her fingers. Idk what broke my heart more Tim thinking he’s not worthy of her any longer or her begging him not to do this. She literally can't fathom how he can let go of her like this. Thought she was his person. Tim feels he’s gone back to who he was pre-Lucy and that scares him. He feels undeserving of the love she has to give him. Lucy knows everything and in his mind he can’t imagine her still loving him.

Lucy was as we all were in this scene. In disbelief... Even though Tim put her though absolute hell she was still there to comfort and support him. Because to her he is worth it even in the hard times. We all know Tim isn’t the best with his emotions. In his trauma damaged brain he thinks he’s doing the right thing here. That he’s radioactive, she deserves better than being around him and his reckless behavior.

The kiss on her head. Lucy trying to physically push away his rejection. Stomping all over my damn heart...However this ends up playing out Tim is going to have to address his emotional instability. How he charges forward and doesn’t think things through. Ruled by his emotions in the worst way. He’s impulsive and he’s gonna have to fight to get her back when he’s in a better mindset. Her trust has been obliterated by this. She fought and clawed for them and this was her reward. He’s gonna have to do some serious healing to get back to her. Lucy has loved him the best she can but he needs to put in some work now. We see next ep he's meeting with Aaron's therapist. Don't love that but I’ve wanted Tim to go to therapy for years. He needs this. Therapy doesn’t work unless you put the effort in though.

That will be a challenge for him. When I get out of the purview of this hurt I’m feeling...I’m actually going to be really impressed and happy they had Tim go through this. Do I think this is the end of them? No I think this is some serious growing pains. It was issues that have been percolating since Lucy did that 5 player trade. Hell probably back in 5x12 when Tim sacrificed himself without telling her so they could stay together. I still think that was romantic because of it's intended nature. BUT was the beginning of the communication problems. They’ve grown so very much in that regard. We’ve seen it but there is still work to be done on that front. It just came to a very gutting painful head.

I still have faith in the writers. I still have faith they’ll be ok. It might not be right away and I'm already feeling impatient tbh. But this is some serious realism being applied to them. It wasn't some random BS angst. Honestly we’re lucky our ship gets the most attention, the best SL’s and two people who LOVE these characters. They absolutely adore them and this ship. If you haven’t read Melissa and Eric’s interviews for this episode I highly recommend. This sucks right now. No two ways about it. But we will survive this storm. They’ll come out stronger than ever. Truly believe that. But for now let's rally around each other and get through this together. There will be brighter days ahead just doesn't feel like it right now. We got this.

~~~

Side notes non Chenford.

Do love Aaron working with Harper all if of all I cared about other than their SL in this one. Nolan's I fast forwarded which I normally don't do but I had no patience for his BS in this ep lol My anxiety was rampant in this ep and had no space for him.

Also RIP Metro Tim for the 6x07 promo. This hurts to see not just cause I enjoyed him in that outfit lol But to see his career take a nosedive like this. I wanted more Tim back story. Didn’t think would hurt like this though....Feel free to comment I love you all for any interaction I get with these. <3

[gabsforjustyuris]

My dear customer

Hey, sorry in advance for the grammatical errors, English is not my native language, anyway, I hope you like it! ^^

Hurt/comfort, Angst, Oc Pov, F!Reader, Kafka x Reader. 2k words.

Wandering the galaxy as a nomad and doing different jobs. You with your dark past found yourself without hope about the future, until a certain woman with magenta hair decided to see you again.

You woke up, meditated and got ready to head towards the daydream bar, seeing those pompous sofas and extravagant chandeliers. Not that you liked seeing them every day, of course, it got to the point where it made your eyes sick with so much brightness, but at least it was proof that the recognition of the place as a paradisiacal oasis lived up to the rumors that spread across the galaxy. 

The atmosphere surrounding the installation was one of relief and at the same time a lot of energy, something like an endless party or solving all problems. And you couldn't judge those who actually believed it. Penacony was made to convey this type of illusion, however, it failed to reach you.

His goal was vague. The routine consisted of getting up, serving glasses, meditating and sleeping. You didn't trust the dream world or believe in its symbol. Paradises don't exist. It was direct and simple, just like in life that is born to meet its end.

On the other hand, luck determines success. Blessed are those who had the compassion of an Aeon, who in turn, reversed their miserable lives with a divine touch. But who would say that most living beings would have such an opportunity?

As the firstborn daughter and former heir guardian of Aqualis, I should pursue a life of responsibility. But a curse from the selfish gods broke our bloodline. My people suffered and ultimately lost our planet to the corruption of a Stellaron.

Therefore, what fault would it be to be bitter with the Aeos or disbelieve in eternal life?

What fault am I? None.

My past has distorted the good memories over the years, and the trails of scars I left stain every planet and facility I've ever visited until I arrived in Penacony, where he has remained for the last few weeks as a bar attendant outside the worldly. My steps are doomed, and the people who passed my path had their own disappointments, and yet I just swam with the tide without knowing the current.

– A very relaxing place to have a drink, I must say… – I heard it in between my stormy reveries, making me give the speaker a wary glance.

Of course, it was no longer enough that memories flashed before my eyes, or in every job I had to interact with ignorant people, as well as facing a past ghost that followed me everywhere.

Kafka. I remembered your name, already feeling a bitter taste rising in my throat. 

Shit. I just sighed deeply and finally turned to the cross-legged woman on the counter seat. Wearing that damn attractive look, silky hair tied in big locks, sunglasses that covered her eyes and those honey lips. 

Tired, I just sighed while continuing to clean the glass in my hand, averting my eyes from the innocent smile, in an expression so soft that it was irritating. I stopped for a moment to admire the shiny tables, watching with a certain envy and at the same time without interest the people and robots who were enjoying their short lives before finally returning to what was in front of me.

– Look, if it isn’t a bag of gems from the cosmos.

– If it isn't the princess without a home. – She responded, resting her hand on her chin and turning her head, all while maintaining the curve of her lips.

– Fuck you – I lowered the tone when I swore, standing in front of her, observing how the sound of her laugh came out of that relaxed expression, as if she had no intentions, but I knew she did, she always does.  – What do you want?

– I'm a customer, aren't I? – He questioned, placing his gloved fingers on the edge of the glass that had just been cleaned, pushing it towards me on the counter. – Surprise me, sweetie.

I looked at the glass and then looked up at her, swallowing my own words in an uncomfortable silence, starting to prepare a mixture that I thought suited the hunter's standards.

Deep down I knew her predatory eyes were shamelessly chasing my ass, and just thinking about it felt like my consciousness was slipping out of focus, feeling my heart stop or my trembling fingers falter, but at no point did I turn to her. see her again, because with every breath, with every blink of an eye, those memories emerged, their voices in the depths of my consciousness.

– Here it is. – I delivered the purple pigmented milkshake with a vanilla interior sprinkled with small chocolate droplets and a cream-filled edge.

– Purple, how thoughtful of you. – His drawling voice seemed satisfied, looking at me behind his neutral glasses as he drank the drink through the straw.

I sighed once again, looking away again until I found another visitor, which was the perfect excuse to leave.

– Excuse me. – I went to the next customer, talking while preparing the drink, serving with a polite smile, all while being aware of how her eyes followed me throughout the process, raising her glasses above her eyebrows.

The day was too calm for me to worry so much. My fingers pressed against my temple and my head tried its best to push away the problems that surrounded my mind. Adjusting my simple dress shirt and vest look with this suffocating colorful tie around my neck. As much as she was here, I would have to bear it for my current job. I need to be professional and ignore her advances until she gives up.

That would be if she wasn't as resilient as I imagined, something that shattered all my expectations, because she was. Time passed in a calming silence between both parties, from time to time I cast discreet glances to check on her, noticing how the hunter of Stellarons she seemed a little hazy, as if she had happy thoughts without removing the smile on her face, and at the same time, sad memories due to the sadness in her eyes, but who really knows? She was a mystery...

– Do you want anything else? – I decided to get closer again after all this time, attracting her gentle eyes.

– Hmmm… – She hummed thoughtfully, looking at the empty milkshake glass as if thinking carefully about my question, returning to me. – I pass.

I waved, unconsciously smiling and picking up the glass to clean, but before that, now focusing on her a little calmer than before, since the woman didn't appear to be a threat at the moment.

– You seem thoughtful. – I blurted out, giving her a reason to let out another amused hum, increasing the smile on her face.

– I do? – He placed his fingers on his chin, caressing his own face until he almost covered his own smile, 

– Yes… – I sigh deeply, combing my hair and looking away for a moment. And so I decided to get straight to the point after thinking about it, placing my hands on the counter in a centered position in front of her. – Just one thing... to be clear, I don't want any trouble so... don't waste your time trying to get my head for money.

– Didn't you like our last meetings, princess? – He tilted his head with a malicious look behind his peaceful face.

– If you want to call fights like that…

– You know, normal dates are boring. – He started watching my movements with disinterest. – or are you going to tell me that our battles didn't make you feel anything?

– I think you're weird, but I… I suppose so?

I responded, making her laugh at my reaction, which without realizing it, made me smile discreetly, going towards the sink from behind, washing the glass, with my back to her.

– It is a shame.  – She said, catching my attention, turning to look into her eyes, confused by the comment.

– What do you mean by that? – I asked, and Kafka shrugged, continuing.

– I mean, you've spent most of your life training and now you're limited to wandering the cosmos like a nomad, helping people and wasting your time with boring jobs. 

– Does this bother you? – I asked, putting away the body and returning to her. – As far as I know, you were never really interested in my life.

– No. – He agreed, without wavering or taking his eyes off mine. – But I expected more from you.

– And should I care what you think after all? – I placed my hands on the counter again, feeling a little nervous. – My planet was dying, I lost my family, my friends and in the meantime you just disappeared and came back just to use me as a toy to entertain your selfish desires.

It was an indisputable fact. On their home planet, the Arcanis imperial family would begin with the clear objective of establishing energy balance. nexalith, a powerful magic that established easy transport between planets, being the primary material essential for the revitalization of the planet. 

During the last years of her life, as a young adult, I ended up meeting the hunter of Stellarons without being aware of their high-danger status throughout the universe. I didn't know why she was there, or what she really did. Sometimes she disappeared without saying anything and then came back acting naturally. Kafka was a woman who didn't usually talk much about herself, but she always listened to my outbursts or appeared from time to time at my window after a long day to pass the time, and that never failed to catch my attention. Her answers were too vague or so complex that I found myself thinking all day. She would tell some stories so detailed that I would wonder if they were true, and her touches were so precise, safe, without restrictions because she didn't seem to be afraid of anything. 

And when everything happened, Kafka completely disappeared from sight, and then returned months later as if nothing had happened, infuriating you and inevitably taking you both to the battlefield against your own will, despite the fact that the woman seemed to have enjoyed it. fight.

– The end of your planet didn't depend on me, it was its destiny to end.

– But I… i just… – I hesitated, looking into her eyes, feeling a slight burning in the corners of my eyes, furrowing my eyebrows and in the end giving up, taking a cloth and going to rub it on the counter. – Forget.

An awkward silence fell between us, but we still had each other's company. The sound playing in the back of the room accompanied simple notes, distracting my consciousness. With that violin in the background, the instrument that I knew very well, was his favorite.

– So… did you miss me? – Suddenly I hear doubt come from her voice, making my hand that was rubbing the counter with the cloth stop abruptly for a moment.

– You stupid, stupid idiot. – I take a deep breath, swearing in whispers, knowing that she could very well hear them, and then, I turned to her, in a failed attempt not to sound slightly vulnerable, in a low tone: – Of course I do.

With that she smiled, getting up from the bench, looking around and seeing the few people who were present in the room. Probably most of them went to the worldly or they had gone to rest, well, it doesn't matter. Kafka seemed to have something on his mind as he walked up to face me. His height is close to mine, being taller thanks to the heels on his feet, looking at me from head to toe.

– And then? – I furrowed my eyebrows, losing my patience with her games, almost immediately receiving a quick response from her. – There’s something wrong with my fac-

That's how the woman with the magenta hair saw the perfect opportunity to advance towards me, grabbing my tie, pulling hard until my body collided against the counter and my face came closer, leaning towards me and coming face to face with me. my lips, taking me by surprise.

Little by little, I let myself be carried away, without resisting the hunter. I closed my eyes and focused on our calm kiss, feeling a kind of relief course through my body as my stomach fluttered like it was full of butterflies. My mind went blank, leaving only the moment. The pressure on my body softened, and my fingers released a small grip on the cloth, causing a large shiver. She left me breathless, speechless. When he pulled away, he looked into my eyes with that charming smile, alternating his attention between my iris and my lips.

– It was good to see you again too, sweetie. – She whispered to me, pulling away and turning his back, walking away.

Not knowing what to say, I just watched his farewell with a tightness in my chest, feeling as if a part of me was going along. I was overcome by an internal conflict, with all those sweet memories running through my mind. It was a rollercoaster of emotions; This woman awakened something I had never felt before. Seeing her go was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, but deep down I knew I longed for her presence again.

And when I lowered my eyes, reflectively, I came across a bag of money tied with a bow in my favorite color. In it was a small folded paper, carefully attached, piquing my curiosity. When I opened it, I read a sentence that, even against my will, made me let out a slight genuine smile.

Until death do us part in the next duel, darling.

Kafka.

[flightfoot]

The word "fanon" doesn't mean a lot to me. Fandoms are big and diverse. No one has the full picture.

But YOU are the exception. You seam to know every aspect of the MLB fandom. Or at least most of it.

So when you reblog a post about disliking a fanon Verizon of a character I noticed.

Do you want to elaborate on that?

Honestly I was mostly thinking about Chloe Bourgeois. I was gonna elaborate in the tags, but well... honestly, even in this case, it's not really the fanon version of CHLOE that's the problem. Which is why I didn't elaborate on it at the time, because it didn't totally fit.

Thing is, I do like Chloe, and I especially like versions of Chloe that follow off of the earlier seasons of ML, when it looked like there was going to be more to her, when there are hints of her having these insecurities because of her awful parents and just wanting to be recognized. With her being a mean bully, but beneath all of that being deeply hurt and trying to fill in the holes left behind by her parents' neglect or disdain. With her desperately trying to earn Ladybug's approval, approval that she couldn't get from her own mother. With her not thinking much of most other people, but going far to help the few people she cares about. So stories where she's still recognizably herself and still can function as a classic mean girl bully if the story calls for it, but with more to her, where she's treated as a person beneath it all still.

I'm not so fond of stories just giving her a straight-up personality replacement, where she's Chloe in-name-only, and she turns into a nice person off-screen with little explanation. I don't hate it, but it also doesn't feel like Chloe, and takes away what could be a really interesting character development arc. It's okay, but not my jam.

The stories I hate are the ones that do either of these types of things (especially the second one where she just gets a straight-up personality replacement) and then the other, canonically nicer kids are made worse, with Chloe and Alya basically swapping personalities. Everyone knows how much I hate Alya, Adrien, and the rest of the class being bashed, and Chloe and Alya having swapped roles just showcases the intense double standards of the writer, and is incredibly frustrating for me since it makes me leery of Good!Chloe and makes me want to vent about people making Chloe into a nicer person when that's not actually my central problem with the trope. So I have to try and take great pains to convey that I like Chloe being good, but doing it at other characters' expense, especially with how Alya in particular ends up getting targeted in these cases, is not cool.

I still remember when I briefly filtered out "Chloe Bourgeois Redemption" on AO3 because of a fic that started demonizing Alya out of nowhere by making her be mean to Chloe, and that was the only tag the fic had at the time that was even remotely associated with salt. I took out that filter soon afterwards because I do really like fics that redeem her, but dammit, BECAUSE of how those good and redeemed versions of Chloe are used, I'm often leery when I see her treated too positively and it sucks to have that knee-jerk reaction.

[soul-sparx]

Guilty Gear XX Accent Core Plus R tierlist ranked by how each character treats A.B.A

Based on their win-quotes against A.B.A

Reasoning under the cut

Niceys :) <333333

Sol Badguy

"Well, at least you've got a strong head."

It isn't much, but remember that this is Sol we're talking about. He is blunt, brutally honest, and a bit mean in general. He does not give out compliments lightly. Even a slightly sarcastic one like this means A.B.A has impressed him, and he conveys that well.

Ky Kiske

"You should tend to your wounds properly. Especially if you're a woman."

The "especially if you're a woman" thing is a little weird, but reads more like misplaced chivalry than anything. The point here is that he is concerned about her wellbeing, hoping for her to take care of herself.

Faust

"Your prescription is…to learn about society. That is all."

He has examined her through battle, and his conclusion is that there isn't anything wrong with her. He wishes her well, and hopes for her to come out of her shell.

Axl Low

"What an original and sexy fashion sense! How exciting!"

Self-explanatory. He just thinks she's super hot.

Kliff Undersn

"Your injuries look grave. Are you all right? Hmm..That axe looks familiar... Have I seen it somewhere before?"

He's worried about her, and wants to make sure he didn't hurt her too hard. He's also interested in Paracelsus, likely remembering his days in the crusades as the Sanguine Gale. He's just being a nice old man :)

Johnny

"You should learn to communicate from my band of merry thieves. Come on…"

He offers her a position in the Jellyfish Pirates! He does this in the story mode as well! He barely knows her, but he wants to help her out the only way he knows how! What a kind dude!

Venom

"Guild members are required to learn a certain degree of interpersonal skills. Perhaps you could benefit from the same training?"

Much like how Johnny offers to let her join the Jellyfish Pirates, Venom offers to let her join the Assassin's Guild to help her out! He is nice :)

Dizzy

"I don't know how to say this…but we could be good friends! Don't you think?"

She wants to be friends!!!!! She's so sweet!!!!!!!!

Slayer

"Flament Nagel and an artificial life-form, hmmm? I find your story quite interesting!"

It's a bit nonpersonal, but he is interested in A.B.A and wants to learn more. I can only imagine them chatting over a couple glasses of blood :)

Bridget

"Nice! You'd definitely get a lot of money with that talking key!"

Her first thought is on money, but still. She thinks Paracelsus is cool, and is super supportive of the two of them!

Zappa

"Eek! A woman's on the floor covered in blood and bandages! I gotta find a doctor Faust…err, fast!"

He's a little scared of her, but he still wants to help! What a sweetie

I-No

"Wouldn't you prefer something warm-blooded instead of that cold metal rod you have there?" "That thing's your husband? It looks like a big toy for such a little woman. Can you handle all of it? Haha! You have great taste in men!"

Look, I dunno how else to say it. I-No is just super DTF.

Neutral

A.B.A

"There's another artificial life-form besides me!? There was no record of it…"

More surprised than anything, no positive or negative feelings shown beyond that.

Order-Sol

"A homunculus, huh? Now that's rare."

Deeply impersonal, barely even interested. She's barely a curiosity for him.

Robo-Ky

"WHAT A SHAME, WHAT A SHAME. YOU'RE NEITHER HUMAN NOR ROBOT. PICK A SIDE!"

Considering A.B.A's quote for winning against him, I feel like there's potential for a friendship, but Robo seems more confused by A.B.A's existence than anything. There is some annoyance, but that seems more directed at the not-knowing than at A.B.A herself.

May

"What a big weapon you got there…isn't it heavy?"

May seems more interested in Paracelsus than A.B.A. She's a nice girl in general, so I think they could develop a friendship eventually, but it's off to kind of a weird start.

Potemkin

"…I'm not like you! Don't look at me like that!"

This is a little mean, but given how he treats her in story mode, I feel like it's more confusion and annoyance at the situation than at A.B.A herself. He just doesn't want people to think he's an artificial being.

Chipp Zanuff

"You really think I'd lose to someone who's injured!? Who do you think I am!?"

This is just Chipp being cocky as always. It could've been anyone, if he wins against anyone, he's gonna lord over them for a bit. He holds nothing against A.B.A specifically.

Eddie

"I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT ARTIFICIAL ENERGY LASTS, SO I'LL LET YOU GO. FOR NOW."

This is probably about as nice as Eddie can be to anyone who isn't Zato, and it's still pretty limp. A.B.A is nothing but a potential body to him. He literally does not care one way or the other about her. There is no love, nor disdain.

Testament

"You also took the blood oath? Hmph, I guess not."

They're a little interested in her, perhaps thinking she's also a Gear. Once they realize she isn't, they lose interest. Perhaps modern Testament would be kinder to her, but as they were in ACPR, they just kind of don't care.

Jam Kuradoberi

"Your complexion is terrible! Blood transfusion pack? My food's much better for your health."

She starts with an insult, but then offers to help, so it's less neutrality and more a situation of both the good and the bad. I think Jam is just a weirdo.

Mean to her!!!!!!!

Millia Rage

"You should learn some manners before seeking knowledge. I suggest you go home."

The least mean mean thing someone says to her, it's still clear Millia has no patience for A.B.A. How rude.

Baiken

"You're such a pain. I hate people that just sneak around in the shadows."

MEAN TO HER!!!!!!!!

Justice

"Accursed homunculus! It's ridiculous that the gate will open with just that. I hope you wander in the darkness eternally."

This is so personal and rude, Justice fuckin' hates A.B.A and for no reason. Kill this woman NOW!!!!!!!!!

Anji Mito

"Stand straight and speak louder, will you? Just looking at you drives me nuts."

What did she ever do to you, huh? Kill this man NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

[whumpshaped]

∆ (i hope youre still doing these hhh) i might be missing something about vampire hierarchies and how things work and exactly how much power sires have over their little vampire babies, but i must ask helle this after reading about them being crucified or i will implode:

How can you still miss your siblings after they did such awful things to you without even sparing a glance? I am a firm believer of cutting anyone who hurt you out of your life at the first opportunity, especially family on the principal that you never outright choose to be part of a family like this in the first place. And they certainly hurt you, even if under the order of someone else! And even after that, after a simple order from your sire and all that pain and betrayal, you still tried to help them? You still miss them to this day? Think about them? You must be the kindest, most forgiving person if you do. I know for a fact if that happened to me, while I may have been forced into submission at the time, looking back on it I would be endlessly bitter and angry, maybe even vengeful. Perhaps you did similar things to them under familiar circumstances when ordered, and I just don't get it. Maybe they apologized after, or even offered to be hurt in return. I know vampires heal and all, but you must have remained deeply scarred from that situation only, if only on a mental level, and I'm sure that wasn't the only time something like this happened. So I don't get it. Is it just a longing for people who understand you? Some form of twisted nostalgia?

10/10

"Of course I am bitter and angry. It was– It was one of the worst things that I have ever endured." They open their mouth to say something else, to continue yelling about how unfair it all was... but their anger seems to fizzle out as quickly as it came. They pause for a long moment, looking for the words to explain something that can probably never be properly conveyed.

"We have all done things to each other that we regret," they say quietly. "I... did not understand it at the time, why they refused to even look at me. I understood it later on, when I realised just how horrifying it was watch someone you love get hurt. Hurt by you, regardless of orders. There were plenty of times when I refused to look. Plenty of times when I did, out of defiance, out of a desperate need to remember, just so I could repay the lady someday. That day never came. Her death was quick and painless."

"I was bitter when I realised they would never stand up for me. When I realised I came centuries too late for them to still have the sort of naivety that would make them engage in futile rebellion. It made me want to stand up for them, so that maybe... maybe they would get that spark back. All it did was get me hurt beyond measure. I stopped blaming them, after a while."

"When Aurora–" They suddenly cut themself off, and for a moment you think they're holding back tears. "When Aurora got turned and the lady started 'training her', I... I did not have it in me to stand up for her anymore. Again and again, after every single one of her escape attempts, I went out and brought her back. I dragged her, kicking and screaming, to that wretched room with the silver whips. She begged me much the same as I begged my siblings that night on the cross. I could not bear to look at her."

"Some days, I am angry with them. I am angry with myself. Most of all, I am furious with the lady. I am bitter that after my only act of meaningful rebellion, they still decided to run off and leave me." They give you a sad smile. "I suppose they thought it best to cut me off. And maybe I am stupid for missing them so terribly, but what am I to do? If I could stop on command... If I could stop on command, maybe I would. As it is, however..."

They sigh, wiping their eyes before the tears have a chance to overflow. "I like to tell myself I would turn them away. That I would reject them the same way I felt they rejected and abandoned me; but I doubt I could. They will always have a place here, I think. If they wanted it."

[zyafics]

I just read Play Fake, and I can't even convey in words how deeply my heart is intertwined with the storyline. I continually yearn for the next part, I sat down and read as much as I could on the train and I still desire more.

The way you write Rafe is so heartbreakingly honest and unable to address his feelings mixed with his fear of being vulnerable with reader rips me apart.

And reader unable to indulge in her feelings and her love of fears of being hurt, in fears of going too far with something so clearly ‘fake’

I just need to say that your writing is so amazing and holds a huge place in my heart I cannot help but ramble about how perfectly flawed each character is, and how perfectly they align to help each other.

I've been seeking a long Rafe fic for a while and this just went above and beyond my expectations. I read with absolute heart eyes. Thank you for writing this!!

you don't know how much it means to me to hear this!! 😭🩷 the fact that you're so deeply invested in the plot and characters warms my heart, especially because i value how you guys interpret the story 🫶🏼

i try so hard to establish this paralleling dynamic between rafe and reader, especially since they have these needs to protect themselves, their egos, and their personhood because letting someone in means being vulnerable that they're both not used to. not to mention, pairing rafe with someone who's as emotionally-constipated as him (or, arguably, more) was a delicate balance that i'm so glad you appreciate!!!

i'm so glad play fake fits your perferences and expectations!! genuinely thank you so much for writing this feedback 🤍🥹🤞🏻

[captain-gillian]

music monday

rules: post songs that you relate to ls/characters from ls

thanks so much for the tags @sznofthesticks @americansrequiems @eclectic-sassycoweyes @sugdenlovesdingle @literateowl & to @tellmegoodbye for starting this off

here are songs for nancy, nancymarjan, tk, carlos & tarlos. songs under the cut for tidyness. fair warning most of these are depressing i am a depressing music kinda person so

tk:

Why's pain so damn impatient? Ain't like it's got a place to be Keeps rushing me But I ignore things, and I move sideways Until I forget what I felt in the first place At the end of the day I know there are worse ways To stay alive 'Cause everyone's growing and everyone's healthy I'm terrified that I might never have met me

this is a song about struggling with your mental health and avoiding recovery, and this to me is very much a season 1 TK song, from when he's numb to the world and still finding his footing in his recovery and his new life in austin, before he's able to let carlos in.

carlos:

If you really wanted, I could let you inside It's been so long and I've got nothing left to hide Would you believe me if I told you that I've got flaws Now it's time to let the curtains unfold And tell all the stories that I didn't want told I let it out so I unburden my soul, I won't stop 'Cause I don't know The perfect road to go down

this song just screamed carlos to me the first time I heard it. it really conveys that complicated closed off nature he has of always trying to be who everyone else wants and show that he's got it together, and how hesitant he's been to open up, even to TK.

tarlos:

Waking up beside you brings a kind of refuge It's the armor that I need to face the day For a second I forgot that you were leaving soon Then the armor falls away This time there's no broken hearts And no one ran 'cause it got hard This missing you is temporary pain I'm happy to be sad I'm sad that you are gone If I was feeling nothing I would feel like something's wrong

a song about loving someone so deeply that it hurts to be apart, does this not just scream tarlos?? they're both shift workers, their shifts and time off isn't always going to align, and they're going to be sad to be apart at times but that isn't always a bad thing, just a sign of how deep their love is.

nancy:

Can't stay here, it's hard to face and it feels too ugly Light a fire inside yourself, let it burn Stare up at a starless sky and you say It's like I'm still here with you It's like I'm still here with you I don't, I don't, I don't wanna say goodbye

to me this song represents nancy after tim's death, the feelings of grief and loss and loneliness and not wanting to hire a new paramedic or move on and 'replace' her best friend.

nancymarjan:

Am I allowed to look at her like that Could it be wrong when she's just so nice to look at And she smells like lemongrass and sleep She tastes like apple juice and peach Oh, you would find her in a polaroid picture And she means everything to me (Oh) I'd never tell No I'd never say a word

unrequited sapphic pining? need i say more? what could be more nancymarjan than that?

late to this so open tag + no pressure tagging @fallout-mars

[dayseternal-blog]

In Memory, Katarinahime. Part 12.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you.

A year without you.

I miss you.

It's different without you. It's worse without you. The space you occupied doesn't get refilled, doesn't get replaced, doesn't heal.

I can answer that question I asked in "White Lilies" with a year's worth of experience. How does time heal?

Tragedy like this doesn't heal. It's a gaping wound that hardens up as is. It'll always be there, like an impact crater.

Maybe life goes on, new things happen, I might be in a better place than last year, but things would be better if you were here.

"It’s not fair that my soul is too heavy for me to carry and everyone just views that in how it would inconvenience themselves" - 2021.5.7

I remember when I first saw your post. I couldn't say anything. You wrote it, conveying the weight of your illness, and ---

This impact crater is just an inconvenience compared to how you felt.

A year without you.

"I know that you been through a lot lately / And that it hurts sometimes / You should know that I love you deeply / And my love is your love all the time" - The Green, "My Friend (Don't Give Up)"

I don't let myself forget you.

When I listen to this song as the CD loops in the car, I wish I could've told you their words. I wish I could tell you to not give up. I wish I could tell you that I don't understand. I wish I could tell you that you are enough and that I will never walk away. I wish I could tell you that I should know what you are going through. I wish I could tell you to not give up.

But I know I was afraid to care too much.

A year without you.

"But the heart has its own memory / and I have forgotten nothing." - Albert Camus, The Fall

Writing this, and the stages of grief come fresh with the memory. I reread the past year, I see how I couldn't remember if I had ever spoken with her. I couldn't remember what she ever said to me, yet all I knew was that she was important to me.

From tumblr, to discord, to ao3, we communicated so much more than I remembered. There was so much to remember!

So much to smile at, so bittersweet, a pain to bear my grief with better understanding. To stitch together a story I could tell myself, to translate the memory of the heart into words I had written and read before, to repeat and rewrite and reword and retell

How I had known her since we started writing.

And now, it's already been a year without her.

This is the ending where you finally find your way home and the ancient terror inside of you is stomped out for good. - Jonny Bolduc, Ending

A prayer for your peace. A prayer that all the lives you touched and all the lives you will continue to reach through your writing returns to you in love. A prayer that everything we couldn't say and everything we wish we did say returns to you in love. A prayer that everything I've written and continue to write returns to you in love.

I miss you everyday. I think of you everyday. This grief is Ongoing, so I'll never call your work Incomplete.

Here's a prayer that this past year's worth of love returns to you.

[prettieparker86]

I just came across "we all have hunger" I know it's been really long since you wrote it but I just had to say this to you, it's so beautifully written, one of the best peice I have read here, I don't intricately understand ED but I have never read or watched it be presented so well, so raw human sad vulnerable it just feels real and accurate and it conveys the pain so well. Also the agst in the fic 🤌

You have written in the beginning itself that it's only meant to be one and only and one shot, but I can't wait but want more just one more part, want closure, want Tommy to actually see how much he has hurt the OFC,

When I read "Why do you fuck other women? Why do you drink all the time and ignore me except in moments like this? Why am I not enough for you? I’m your wife… Your heart breaks as you ponder inescapable truths, tears pooling in your eyes." I really wanted her to say it.

It was a very well written tragic but very well written one shot so I would understand why you won't do a part 2, also to clarify not asking for a happy ending but If you find time and inspiration I would really love a part 2 for this one with some confrontation and closure, to ofc be really be seen, to have Tommy's point of view as well and see him grapple with his sins and flaws.

Thank you for your praise and for enjoying my story. It truly means more than you know. To be honest, Im unlikely to ever write another part. I haven't written in about 6 years. My apologies. I know that stinks, I remember reading stories and hoping one day they would update. But I don't want to give false hope. I try never to say never, but it's highly unlikely. I deeply appreciate you reaching out, and I wish you all the best ❤️

[storiesbreathed]

@lastblues continued from HERE

          ART FEELS LIKE HE'S FLOATING.  it feels kind of ridiculous, actually, contrasting the way he feels to the way that tashi clearly feels. he woke early in the morning--- much earlier than his 5:30 alarm--- to the sound of her getting sick. if he's being honest, he's never given kids much thought. he and tashi kind of talked about it when they were engaged, but there hadn't ever been a solid yes, we want kids or a no, we don't want kids. they were both people who considered family to be very important (although art's family had never been very close, save for himself and his grandmother), and they were both people who valued their careers deeply. sometimes those two things conflicted, sometimes they didn't. art had never been quite sure if the two could be equally as important to him, and he'd always worried that if he had a child, he wouldn't give them enough attention. he worried that he would do to his kid what his own parents had done to him. they had never been particularly cruel to him, although sometimes he wonders if sending him to mark rebellato's had been to get rid of him, since his grandmother could no longer be a reliable guardian. right now, he can't imagine feeling so disconnected from his own child. he's only even known about the good news for a couple of days, but he's elated.

          he's elated, and tashi is hurling her guts out. when he hears her, he immediately gets out of bed, moves to the bathroom door, and gives it a couple of gentle taps with his knuckle before opening it. he lowers to the floor beside her, pushing her hair away from her face with a touch so gentle it wouldn't hurt a butterfly's wings, and asks, "what can i do?" he wasn't expecting her response of i didn't want you to see me like this, and he can't hide the way that his eyebrows tug together and he frowns, confused. "like what? baby..." his hand rests on her thigh and he scoots a little closer to her. he doesn't seem to notice the crime scene in the toilet beside them at all. his eyes are focused on her, only on her, always on her. "you're beautiful. you're---" his eyes drop to her stomach, just for a moment, then lift back up to her face. "i love you." what else can he say but that? what else so succinctly conveys that there's no way you can look that will put someone off? that there's nothing you can do, nothing you can say, nothing that will make them feel any less complete when they look at you?

          "i'm sorry you're sick." the hand on her thigh flips over to rest palm up, ready for her hand, or to be handed something, or to be pushed away, and art repeats, "what can i do?"

in sickness and in health was the promise that they made, but fuck had she been hoping that art would have stayed the hell asleep even though, deep down, she knew he wouldn’t. tashi hates appearing weak, even in front of her own husband, especially in front of her husband and word that still feels so strange on her tongue, stranger when adding soon to be mother and father to that list of what they are — coach and player, husband and wife, parents… all things she could have never imagine herself being before, but there’s this unwavering nervousness that strikes her all the more her mind thinks on the last thing on that list, enough that almost makes bile rise in her throat- she doesn’t know if she’ll be a good parent. she doesn’t know how to be a good parent. she doesn’t know if that’s something she can teach herself in the months before their kid gets here. she doesn’t get long enough to think about it either, the sound of art’s knock cutting through her though only making her nausea worse, but she only managed to swallow the feeling down instead of putting herself together as he walks in, so tashi instead closes her eyes and tries to go through the motions of making herself look less like the mess she feels she must look like. she doesn't lean into the touch, no matter how light, her hand reaching out blindly to flush away her current state, though she pauses as art moves closer still at his hand on her thigh, opening her eyes, though not yet braving a glance at his face. instead, she looks at his hand, she tries and struggles to listen to his words and let them push away all the thoughts that thunder inside of her head something that's a challenge- she hasn't felt this small since her injury. she does manage to do something even harder for her, she listens, even as she doesn't reply to his words right away.

what she does reply to is his touch, not by taking his hand, but not by pushing it away it away either. instead, her fingers reach out, running over his wrist, over his palm lines, touch featherlight and gentle as she softly exhales. breathing in. breathing out. " don't say sorry yet. it's supposed to be six more weeks of this, you know? if we're lucky. " she never imagined herself in most of the positions she was to art, not a coach, not a wife, not a to be mother, she's out of her depth, but she had listened intently to the doctor, she had done her research but all of her research doesn't compare to the actual fucking thing and something in her gut tells her they aren't going to be that lucky, but that could be her being pessimistic and that's something she can't be right now. “ i still feel sick right now. ” she admits softer, trying to not, though and instead replay his words. you're beautiful - i love you - what can i do? - what can i do? his words echo in her head as tashi takes another breath, reaching forward to flush the toilet in front of them, pondering his words, truly, actually giving thought to what or if there was anything to do as she continues with her patterns managing to swallow her nausea.

" ...you're supposed to be asleep. you can go back to sleep. i didn’t want to wake you. " the words not a suggestion, but instead an offer. eyes finally raise to meet his, her expression exhausted and she doesn't push it away or hide it. moving closer, but not letting herself lean forward like she wants to. not yet. instead, tashi swallows. “ what time is it? ”

[dud5tiny]

Toji Fushiguro - Analysis

"Do whatever you want" seems to convey "I'm entrusting it to you now."

Firstly, I want to say that I've never done a critical and deep analysis of any character, but I have well-elaborated monologues in my head about some, and perhaps putting them into words will help me find the right ways to describe these thoughts and develop my critical sense.

Why did I start with Toji Fushiguro? I believe I had to start with someone. I could talk about characters I think about a lot, like Mikey or Karma, but even my brain isn't sure what to write about them. So, to begin, I remembered the phrase that started this note.

(English is not my first language, sorry if anything is incorrect)

My thoughts on Toji are conflicting, partly because I believe, and it's a fact, that people are the way they are because of their childhood, literally the most important point, and I know I'll touch on this for several chapters, but it's a subject I really want to learn and am deeply interested in.

Childhood influences our formation as human beings immensely. We have nothing about Toji's childhood, but the basis of my arguments will be entirely based on what was shown about Maki, as these two characters are similar. So, using the foundation of how Maki was raised and how her clan treated her from childhood, just for being born without cursed energy, seems right here.

Toji should have had a tumultuous childhood, where the Zenin clan would undoubtedly have the worst attitudes towards even a child, as we saw with Maki, and that undoubtedly happened earlier with Toji.

His hatred for his clan stems from this; without any support from his family, he had to find another way to live, becoming a mercenary. Not that I excuse what Toji did, but it's the way he found to survive in the world and Jujutsu society, a society that was always against him.

And he, without any trace of cursed energy, had to exert much more effort than others. He is effort incarnate.

The impact the author developed in the second season, showing the past of Satoru and Suguru, is incredible. Satoru, who was born privileged by the universe and never truly had to exert himself for anything, was defeated by a man who always had to exert himself more than others.

Effort triumphed over talent in that scene. Because we know that in the second battle, talent (Satoru) ultimately won.

And I can't move on to the next topic without saying the most important thing in the work: Toji Fushiguro was the catalyst for all the misfortunes in the story.

He had a huge influence on the creation of Geto as a villain (which I want to analyze dedicatedly later), in a summarized way, as if the development of Geto as a villain were a tree, and Toji planted the seed.

Toji called himself a "monkey" for being a non-sorcerer, and later, that's how Geto called them. He was also very important in changing Satoru's perspective, who used to question why he had to protect the weak, while Geto always believed that was the right thing to do. In the end, it's like a switch is flipped, and beliefs are exchanged.

(I won't delve too much into this issue because, as mentioned earlier, I want to do a whole analysis on Geto and Satoru)

But I believe that, even if it doesn't show much, and I don't even believe it much myself, the most important part is family.

Toji is a truly cold man and doesn't hesitate at all to do what he does for money, like killing teenagers without any remorse, for example. But we can't deny that in his two deathbeds, he remembered his family. Because it's an important part of him, deep down.

In his first death, he died thinking about his wife and son, and I strongly believe in the phrase at the beginning when he talked about Megumi to Satoru, as if he were saying:

"I'm entrusting him to you now."

Because even though Toji is that way, in his second death, he was a father, he killed himself to not hurt his son. Because a part of him loves him. And in the end, he had his "redemption" by doing the right thing.

I believe the author did the right thing in killing him that way, even though we wanted answers and a real interaction between him and Megumi. Perhaps some things should just remain without a period.

Well, all of this was written by a teenager who thinks too much between the lines, but that's what gives value to the work: the countless perspectives on things. And this was my analysis (from the sources in my head) of Toji Fushiguro.

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