#Anyways I think I will accept my fate but life is abt going out on a limb

[warmspice]

[leoleolovesdc]

Anyone wanna listen abt my cowboy heathers au?? No? Okay then, I’ll talk abt it anyways

Heather Duke is in a gang-ish cowboy thing with the other Heathers. They scam people, rob banks and just generally do whatever the please as long as they get money out of it, but as Chandler always seems to find a way to get a bigger percentage of the gains than her and McNamara, this makes Duke grow bitter, so much so that she tries to get ahead and ends up stealing some money from Chandler (and by some I mean a LOT). Chandler finds out and obviously isn’t very happy about it, so now Duke’s on the run, trying to get as far away from them as possible, knowing that if McNamara, Chandler or any of their other goons catch her she’ll be a dead woman.

After days and nights of travelling through the country, Duke goes to a farm and pays the owners so they’ll let her stay for a few nights, rest and hopefully help the Heathers lose track of her, but that doesn’t work very well. Duke hears news that her former mates are on the town and packs her things to leave as soon as possible, but just as she’s about to go she finds a woman hidden in the farm. She doesn’t seem to know how to speak english and is clearly wary about Duke and her intentions, though she doesn’t seem to be much of a talker (especially in a language she doesn’t understand) she manages to tell Duke her name; Veronica.

The owners of the farm find the girls trying to interact and kick Duke out. She pretends to leave but comes back in the middle of the night to find the girl again, she finds out that the owners of the farm are basically forcing Veronica to work for them as payment for protection as she’s being chased by the mafia from her home country. Apparently Heather isn’t the only one who thinks she’s too good to resist the challenge of stealing from people she shouldn’t.

Duke breaks in the farm to free the girl and they get into a huge fight with the farmers. After a lot of bang-bang, she and Veronica manage to knock out one of the men, hop on Duke’s horse and run away.

The rest of the story follows them running away from both Heather and Veronica’s demons while at the same time learning how to speak and relate to each other. Heather eventually buys a dictionary to help her understand Veronica, and both get slowly better at communicating. With time what was one impulsive act coming out of some sort of white-knight complex of Duke’s becomes a genuine partnership, if not something more.

Veronica doesn’t plan on staying, though. Heather wants a peaceful life, she wants everything to settle down so she can finally get some rest, the only thing she ever wanted. Veronica on the other hand, lives for the thrill. She likes the adrenaline rush of stealing, having to run away, the feeling of having to free herself from the problems she had purposefully ran into.

She doesn’t want to stay forever. She won’t stay forever. But as long as Duke has a reason to run, Veronica will be running by her side.

After a especially violent encounter with the Heathers, Duke finds herself cornered by McNamara, who has a gun in her hand and is a movement away from blowing her former best friend’s brains out. Duke accepts her fate, she asks Mac for forgivness, says she regrets messing everything up and that she wishes it could have been different.

Duke closes her eyes. McNamara’s finger tightens around the trigger, but nothing happens. She can’t pull the trigger. She can’t do that. Not to Duke. Not to the only person she’s ever cherished and trusted as much a Heather Chandler. She lets her go.

After a long while without seeing the Heathers, they eventually come back. Chandler asks Duke to join them back. She says McNamara has made her see things through another angle and she’s willing to forgive her past mistakes and foolishness. Duke wants to go. She really does, but that’s when she remembers Veronica. She can’t leave Veronica all by herself when she’s being chased by half of the world. She refuses to come back. She says that’s the first time she’s ever had something she feels it’s worth caring for. She has a purpose when she’s with Veronica, she has someone to care for. Chandler stares at her coldly and leaves without another word. McNamara follows. She doesn’t seem to be just mindlessly going after Heather this time.

Veronica asks Duke why she didn’t come back with them. She had been offered forgiveness, she should have been ecstatically following Chandler back home like a puppy. Heather says that she couldn’t go because she’d never forgive herself for leaving. She knows that it wouldn’t be far to leave her friend behind. Veronica wouldn’t abandon her either.

Except that she would.

Everything Veronica ever wanted was a life like the one the Heathers lived. Free of rules, of judgement, just doing as she pleases. Running, but with a purpose, with people who share a similar goal. With a place to stay, cozy houses, people to sit and have dinner with, all of that without needing to ever give up the thrill she so desperately longed for. Veronica would have left anything, anyone for that.

Duke was stupid.

[jacely]

Cute and fluffy headcanons with Nadia and Fallon? 👀👀👀👀

Heheheh

I am being spoiled with opportunities to talk abt my babies :>>>

After the whole devil fiasco, the very sudden marriage proposal pops into the air like ~fwoop~ “…wait a minute…” and not because Fallon wants to say no but- oh god. The world is going to end. She didn’t have her mothers approval! D: her mother hasn’t even met Nadia!!! None of her family has ! ! ! That’s a big no no in their culture whaT HAS SHE DONE. Anyways- ignore Fallon freaking out because even though her family holds a little grudge with Nadia at first, after a few minutes she is accepted into the Ramirez family like she has always belonged. You think Nadia is having her birthday celebrated with annoying nobles? WRONG. She’s chilling with Fallons mom and siblings. Christmas time at the palace? Only if Fallons family is there! A random nice dinner? You better bet your ass even the little rascals of the family are there. “Aye, my sweet new daughter! 🫶” towards Nadia as Fallon stands in the corner weirdly proud but also with a strange hint of unwelcome jealousy? She’s more included in the family than Fallon is at some point and Fallon learns to accept this fate 😭

The first encounter pretty much goes as follows:

Iris (Fallons mom): so… you proposed to my daughter without my blessing… bold… you will have to work VERY hard to win my approval now, countess nad-

Nadia: *breathes*

Iris: :o you are perfect. I adopt you. You are going to be my little wittle daughter-in-law *smooch smooch* now, when are you guys giving me grandchildren? When’s the wedding? Will I be able to meet your Mama? Let me tell you about that one time when Fallon- “-ABSOLUTELY NOT. 🤬”

P.S Iris is like 4’11 so think of her tiny ass trying to be intimidating to an almost 5’11 Nadia (she completely succeeds bc she’s got that Angry Mom Mode but sTILL-)

Ever since Fallon moved into Nadia’s room she noticeably starts leaving her room in the morning later and later… Fallon is a chronic “just stay here 5 more minutes !!! ☹️” and Nadia can’t ever bring herself to say no. I mean, those nobles can wait, and oh god look at her she is so cute when she’s sleepy. The warm, safe cuddles make her really fight to not just abandon her plans for the day and stay in bed.

There are a few stories of the countess sneaking out at night with a sneaky Royal Magician. Why, you may ask. Because Nadia needs to experience life walking the streets of her own city without being countess. …and with a better disguise… giggles follow them everywhere as well as large tips to whatever places they go. Arguably one of the new best parts of their lives, Nadia feels free and like she’s learning something good through the experience, and Fallon is able to watch Nadia’s face while she experiences something new. Win-win situation.

They often find eachother napping on a random couch snuggled up with the others familiar. Despite insisting that she “doesn’t like dogs”, Nadia is quite fond of Pax, he is the only animal besides Chandra that will put Melchior and Mercedes in their places and keep them there. She will watch as Fallon directly stares her in the eyes and invites Pax onto the furniture (she knows better than to argue against it). Fallon just enjoys how smart Chandra is, nicknaming her “feathery Nadi”, and makes Chandra pinky promise to not tell Nadia she calls her that.

Their wedding is PACKED. You have the entire Satrinava family there, the entire Ramirez family there, all of their friends, nobles, family friends. They end up needing two, one for their enormous families and one for Vesuvia to witness.

Both of them are very “Don’t you DARE talk to/touch my wife like that >:(“. Nadia is Fallons greatest defender, and Fallon is hers. Nadia tends to do so by verbal methods whilst Fallon will (and has) swordfight someone. Her fists are rated E for Everyone That Causes A Fuckin Problem For My Wife. Fallon is not afraid to fight someone for the safety of her family and she won’t hide that. Anger both of them at the same time because you insulted them? You better run because you will not survive a simultaneous verbal AND physical ass beating.

Horse riding happens a lot more often, fun activities in general happen a lot more often. Laughter fills the hallways, Vesuvia is on the mend, Nadia is finally marrying someone who loves her. Nadia deserves fun and luckily for her Fallon is an expert Fun-Haver. Racing down the hallways, dancing in the rain, adrenaline inducing adventures during trips to other places, running through the city from guards that don’t know they are chasing the Countess and Magician. Fun! Happiness! What they deserve. Nadia will get dragged away if she’s been working too hard and/or too long just to do something a little more enriching.

Fallon teaches her Magic 🥺 Nadia picks it up quick and would honestly make a pretty good full-time magician if she didn’t have to worry abt all her other duties. Fallon walks in on her one time while she is playing around with it and making little sound effect noises. She was swiftly sworn to silence and to completely forget she witnessed that. (Fallon tells Nasrin and Namar during their little tea talks because- well- “look at how cute your daughter is ☹️”

[absolutelyinlove]

let's talk: canon events! how'd you get into the dream team? what brought you to dtblr?

oh god ok my like. origin story of how i started watching dteam is insanely convoluted so i’m going to put it under the cut and like. to preface i just need u to know i’ve never been normal about anything in my life like i am so completely incapable of having passive interests. that is really crucial to understand

ok. So. basically i’ve always been super into mcyt content, i was a Massive cube smp + cube uhc stan back when that was a thing, i was like. 12-14 at the time but i was on stan twitter, wrote rpf on wattpad, experienced the severe trauma of ccs i wrote about Finding my fic and talking about it very publicly. The whole experience. and then when cube smp started to die my overall mcyt interest heavily faded, i’ve still always been incredibly fixated on minecraft itself i used to be super into uhc and other competitive gamemodes but in terms of actually watching content creators that was like. something that kinda faded in and out i’d go through long phases of watching nothing at all sometimes for entire years then randomly get slapped by nostalgia and fall back into it and rewatch old series’, etc.

but anyway. i had other interests, i had a different main fandom, i was still on stan twitter (kpop twitter to be specific) when dream rly started blowing up and. All i ever heard abt him was negative. because i was. on kpop twitter where like everyone was just excited there was a New Most Hated Fandom on the internet so he was an extremely common punching bag and i just Solely knew of him in a negative light and i’d never actually watched him to form my own opinions because (and this sounds so absurd) i also had this very irrational Jealousy toward the like. “new wave” of mcyt stans in 2019-2020 because suddenly it was a COMMON mainstream fandom and it ABSOLUTELY WASNT back when /i/ was a teenager and at my peak obsession so therefore all i felt was very misplaced dislike because How come this massive fanbase wasn’t around when this was My interest ? anyway.

Then like. sometime still in 2020 ? my irl friend sent me a manhunt and was like u NEED to watch this (because all my irls know i am. Very abnormal about competitive minecraft content) and i was like. Huh is it time for me to finally watch this dream guy. and i watched it and well it was very inevitable i got hooked because manhunt is soooo comedically perfect in terms of how me-catered it is, it is Literally everything i could ever ask for in terms of youtube content so it was absolutely over for me and i binged the entire series over the course of like. a week. and at first i really did think i would just be a passive youtube fan, because again. all i’d ever heard about dream was that he was a Bad Person and therefore i really did Try not to get invested beyond just thinking the videos were good but ofc as soon as i finished watching every manhunt that was out at the time i moved onto other dteam videos and i just fell reallyyyyy really in love with their dynamic and it was like. MAN! i had to accept i was growing attached and i Wanted to know more abt them at this point. i watched every single video on dream’s channel by the time i accepted Okay im in too deep now i want to know more.

this is the part that is going to make me sound incredibly fuckin g crazy so i need u to just hear me out. so i started googling dream and looking at the dsmp wiki (because as a youtube-only viewer i knew Nothing about dsmp other than people on my side of twitter hating it) and i was so surprised to realize hbomb was a member i’m crying because i knew him from CUBE SMP!!!!!!! i was like whta the fuck. now i feel Obligated to care like this is my Past combining with the present… it’s like fate… so then. naturally. i Looked up like. Reasons Dream Is Problematic threads on twitter. because i was like if im going to do this i need to know what exactly i am going into here i want to know why this dude is so hated and i unironically went through every single thread and callout post i could find, looking at Every reason someone gave for hating him then looking up the original clip with full context and watching it for myself so i could make my own judgement of it and also looking into how he responded and that was how i realized Oh like 87% of this is exaggerated and the stuff that’s true is either kind of nothing or he seems to be trying to do better. And that was how i decided. He is just some guy who seems very well-meaning and is making efforts to Grow and Now i can allow myself to . watch his stream vods? i know ho w crazy this sounds im crying but u need to understand i genuinely waited to watch any vods and grow attached to his content in a non-casual way until after i was SURE no secret horrible misdeeds were going to catch me off guard and i’d realize i didn’t actually want to support him i’m fucking crying

and then naturally ijust got incredibly fixated on mcc when i discovered That and that was what led me to watching a ton of other streamers, i was never super into dsmp but i Did get very into watching non-lore dsmp vods and just. tons of vods in general. i got severely fixated on mcsr around this time too which was awesome until it Wasn’t and i made a lurker account on twitter like literally a priv with 0 followers where i only followed ccs because i didn’t want to follow them from my acct with all my kpoptwt mutuals and get Called a freak for supporting dream. i also kept up very closely with any drama/situations involving dream even before being on dttwt in any capacity because again. i just like to have full context for everything so this was like. when i was unfortunately a very active dwt2 user because that was mostly how i stayed in the loop with things and tbf at the time it was actually a pretty good place for nuanced discussion this was before it got terribly unbearable but. Yeah. i started reading heat waves “ironically” while it was ongoing like i was reading it bookclub-style with my dranti friends and pretending i knew nothing abt dream or george outside the context of the fic (I AM TERRIBLE) but i ended up getting curious about what other fics were out there and that was how i started reading dnf earnestly.

i didn’t start writing until wayyyyy later after i came out of the dream stan closet to my friend reyna (still the only one of my kpoptwt-era friends who knows i am. the way that i am) in like. mid 2021? and i got them invested in dteam too and then in december 2021 we made our ao3s + new twitter accts together and both started writing fics

as for dtblr in specific i am relatively new here i guess ! i have been a long time lurker as i’ve always preferred tumblr for fandom discussion compared to twitter but i was always too shy to actually make my own account andddd because i started on twitter and had exclusively used twitter in my previous fandom it just like. Came more naturally to me and it’s so good for fic promo i just. Accepted it. but then after october several of my friends and like at least half of my mutuals at the time all became antis and once i was back to feeling. normal about consuming fandom content in like late october early november i desperately wanted to have a place where i wasn’t being made to feel GUILTY constantly so i finally made an acct over here so i’d have at least one space where i could Talk Freely about fandom things without expecting 10 people to tell me to kms for it. (don’t worry i eventually did finally make a new priv and i’m no longer held hostage by ex-stan mutuals on twitter but it was ROUGH at the time like so many of my friends have told me they assumed i’d just lost most of my interest and was only still in the fandom for the sake of writing because i never talked abt anything anymore for so long IT WAS BAD I JUST FELT SILENCED but im free now i promise) so yeah.

but don’t worry now i am here less out of “i have nowhere else to go” necessity and actually just because i Do enjoy it and i prefer it immensely to maintwt i am so content now with basically solely talking abt fandom things here and on my privtwt and just using main for fic talk life is beautiful !

sorry this is really fucking absurdly long i am so normal

[silently-waiting-for-you]

Marvel

Trope: irondad fluff

boogie woogie woogie

Peter doesn’t call Mr.Stark dad out loud, that’d be weird. He doesn’t even call him Tony out loud very much. He’s not even on first name basis out loud. It’s just, you don’t have to say things out loud when fate- or some exploding evil nazi science equipment- decides you should hear each other's thoughts.

(I haven’t seen many fics about the moment ‘the kid’ turned into ‘my kid’ for Tony, so I wanted to write one from Peter’s pov)

. . . . .

carrer day

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Peter’s enhanced senses picked up the familiar voice from outside the door. “I had a meeting this morning, and then I got lost looking for the class… anyway, I’m here for Peter? Peter Parker?”

He frowned at hearing his name, still unsure what exactly was going on. He watched as his teacher continued to stand and stare out the door for a minute before seemingly remembering herself and taking a step back.

“Of course! If you could just go sit next to him until your turn, he’s in the back on the right side.”

The man stepped through the door and Peter gaped with the rest of the class as Tony Stark, in his signature suit and goatee, sporting a pair of red sunglasses and carrying a suitcase walked through the door.

~

Prompt: Okay but what abt Tony going in to Peter’s school for career day? Like where the parents talk abt their jobs?

. . . . .

flu shot chronicles

Morgan Stark does not like shots. Neither does Peter Parker.

. . . . .

happy halloween, mr. stark

The first time Peter and Tony spend Halloween together, it isn’t exactly planned.

Tony just sort of...shows up, knocks on the door and grins wide when Peter opens it.

''Mister Stark? What are you doing here?''

. . . . .

hours of horror, black and white edition

“That’s not—” he’s instantly protesting. “You’re a liar! A dirty, dirty liar, Miss Potts.”

“I thought our philosophy is we aren’t going to lie to our children?”

“It is! Yet here you are spilling all my secrets faster than—”

Pepper puts out her palm, silencing him. “Please refrain from pop culture references, there’s only so much I can take in a day.”

“Aah, Pepper; you’re no fun. I had a hunch he was gonna quote something from Buzzfeed Unsolved.” his kid pouts.

***

Or, an October tradition where Peter and Ned and MJ watch old horror films and it's the Starks' turn to host

. . . . .

i will soften every edge

“You’re telling me,” he swallowed, “that my body thinks I’m Peter’s dad?”

“And it has prepared itself for parenthood in response, yes.”

--

After a simple brain scan, F.R.I.D.A.Y. reveals something that Tony already knew, but may not have been ready to accept. Luckily, Peter's always there to help him re-find his footing.

. . . . .

in an empty moral space

“Bring Spider-Man to us, Mr. Stark,” High-heels says and rattles off an address. “If that bug isn’t here in the next twenty four hours, then your intern gets it. We are not going to ask a second time.”

There’s a pause.

Then, “You want Spider-Man?”

“In exchange for your intern,” High-heels affirms.

“Spider-Man,” Mr. Stark repeats. He sounds more amused than worried for Peter’s apparent safety.

also known as: Peter Parker is held hostage…in order to get to Spider-Man. Throw in some Accords reconciliation and, well, Peter’s life just got a whole lot weirder.

. . . . .

lifesize

Morgan’s little fists are shaking in front of her, grasping at nothing. She quickly moves aside as Tony is now standing directly in front of the tent. Morgan's small jumps where she is standing are overflowing with anticipation. Pepper stands next to her as Tony eyes the tent in front of him, newspaper in hand.

“Alright, little miss," he says with a breath, looking down at her, "what’s the drill? How do you want us to handle this?”

“All the tea party guests have to survive.”

“10-4. Pep,” he says as he looks up at her, “you ready?”

“Oh, no. You’ve got this one.”

Tony stares at her for a moment, his deadpan expression way funnier than it should be.

--

Morgan tells Tony there's a spider in her tent. Newspapers, surprises, and uncontrollable laughter ensues.

. . . . .

mutants

All teachers dread parent-teacher night. This one's worse than usual.

Feat. Boundaries? I don't know this word. He's not my boyfriend! Flash Thompson's A+ parents Tony and Peter are enormous nerds Gym class is important Oh my God, what's that in the bio lab

and many more

. . . . .

not really an intern

Field trip trope - yeah.

After the near-end of the universe, Stark Tower reopens to tour groups. Midtown is invited to be the first.

Includes: fluff, mostly fluff let's be real. Irondad. Peter and Morgan bonding because I love them.

. . . . .

stark’s home for wayward animals

“Peter?” he calls. “That you looming around in the dark and falling on your ass?”

“Uh.” Peter’s voice. Two more meows.

“Are you meowing at me?” Tony asks, weaving around the wet spots on the ground. “Is this happening? Is there something you wanna tell me?”

“I’m—I’m not.”

Tony narrows his eyes and turns the corner. Peter is splayed out on the third stair, in his Spiderman suit sans the mask, soaked to the bone. His hair is plastered to his forehead, he’s shivering, and he’s holding a gray cat clutched to his chest.

Tony stares at him. Both Peter and the cat are looking at him, wide-eyed, and then the cat meows again, breaking the silence.

“What’s happening right now?” Tony asks.

. . . . .

that's how you and i will be

Tony cuddles babies.

Tony Stark cuddles babies.

Iron Man is good with babies.

No matter which way Peter tries to spin this newfound knowledge in his mind, it still doesn’t make sense.

. . . . .

the moon and stars (and gummy worms where they shouldn't be)

Peter has a problem. Mr. Stark is his father. Not his surrogate father, but his actual legitimate father. Peter wants to tell him, but he’s afraid of being rejected because he’s not really ‘heir’ material. He’s just an intern. He’s just Spider-Man. He thinks he could tell Mr. Stark if he was certain Mr. Stark already loved him like a son, but Peter just can’t be sure, that is, until Ned comes up with a plan.

OR

Peter brings Tony crazy things to eat so he can evaluate his reactions.

. . . . .

tony stark needs sleep squad

Once this became a habit, Rhodey had created a very exclusive club that only the people closest to Tony were a part of. He called it the ‘Tony Stark Needs Sleep Squad’. It was an illustrious group with only three members. The name was wordy but the purpose was clear. The dang idiot needed to sleep.

. . . . .

trope: hair playing

Tony Stark may or may not be upset about having to 'lay low' in a shitty motel of the interstate. Peter Parker may or may not be upset about having to drastically change his appearance.

Red-coloured fluff ensues.

. . . . .

two left feet

“Mr. Stark?”

“How many times do I have to tell you that it’s okay to call me Tony?”

Peter at least has the decency to look sheepish at this and shrugs. “Sorry... Tony. Anyway, I know your wedding to Miss. Po—Pepper—is coming up soon and I know you told me Michelle can come as my date, which I’m super thankful for, like super-super thankful, but I was wondering... like... I dunno, could you...?”

“Peter, I have absolutely no idea where you’re going with this or what you’re asking me to do. You gotta give me something here, kid.”

“Canyouteachmehowtodance?”

. . . . .

resurrection

Thanos wins, for a time.

One year later, Peter wakes up in the woods.

. . . . .

sick days and other lies

Midtown High is going on a field trip to Stark Industries and Peter Parker will not be attending. That is, he thinks he won't be, but everything in the world seems to be against him. It's hard leading a double life before you're old enough to vote!

. . . . .

a symphony of color

The first thing Peter does once he can effectively maneuver the compound with his crutches is find a notebook that can fit in his pocket. He grabs a pen from one of the many junk drawers and starts a list of everyone he’s talked to so far.

Mr. Stark - Brown, the filling in cinnamon buns, the teddy bear in the baby photo hanging on the fridge.

Aunt May - Dusty pink, Grandma Parker’s old couch.

Pepper - Silver, fancy necklace chains, handcuffs.

He taps the end of the pen against his chin. He needs to talk to more people.

---

Peter wakes up with synesthesia after a fight.

. . . . .

we're not trying to reinvent the backpack here (mark 1-9)

When Peter sheepishly asked if Mr. Stark would buy him a new backpack, he did not expect his mentor to spend weeks on end trying to make the best backpack in the world for a superhero-kid.

He didn't expect that much effort, but he definitely should have.

. . . . .

what’s up, grandpa?

On the off chance Tony is out and comes across someone who doesn't recognize him, it's not too out of the ordinary for someone to mistake him and Peter for father and son. It's a mistake that he loves, a mistake that warms his heart. Because as far as he's concerned, Peter is his kid and always will be.

And when he has another kid, a small and tiny baby girl, the mistake keeps happening. People still think Peter is Tony's son.

He just isn't prepared for people to think Morgan is his granddaughter.

. . . . .

who's the baby now?

after an accident in the laboratory, Tony Stark finds himself aged down to roughly a year old. Which wouldn’t be so bad, except he quickly discovers that his brain hasn’t entirely been taken over by a drooling colorful mush and shards of his grown-up conscience leak through. Which makes it all the more boggling when Pepper invites Peter over, ‘to babysit’.

”Mr. Stark’s a baby!” Peter squeaked, mouth gaping. At the sound of his protege’s voice, Tony dived over to the door of the playpen. What the hell was Pepper playing at?!

[himedachi]

[INBOX] @nulltune asked:

✿ PWEASE.. 🥺 for any muse u feel like.!!

send me a     ❛   ✿   ❜       and I’ll talk about our muses in some capacity  (headcanon or plot) // accepting!

HAKUNON IN MY INBOX HAKUNON IN MY INBOX ?! (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )づ♡

but anyway thank you so much for sending!! I'll also put this under a cut since it probably will get longer than expected!

not gonna lie my knowledge about Hakunon mostly comes from secondhand knowledge through f/extra info in wiki && whatnot since it's one of the many fate installments I never personally got to experience (crey) BUT I tried to read up your carrd and some of your meta posts && I actually find that there's a lot of potential for interactions with all of my muses tbh! (it helps that you made a lot of possible verses with her!) and so, here goes the full listing of possible prompts/dynamics I could think of...

Renge -> obviously they'll be #besties! Renge is a flexible muse I can put in any verse/situations && I love the idea of having a foil to her character (quiet and energetic duo). I want her to dress Hakuno up, talk about her interests (she's a JP history buff surprisingly) && maybe talk about girly girl things... maybe even try to figure out what or who Hakunon is because she's so ~mysterious~ && never told anything in particular abt her personal life? Hmmm it calls for le investigation time!

With Tsuyuko, I think she'll somehow get a protective instinct with Hakunon instead of wanting to annoy her actually (I think she's just naturally like that around girls younger than her bc Edo period life isn't nice to women). That doesn't mean she wouldn't want to see Hakunon to look/be more expressive though, so she will find ways to make her laugh by cracking jokes at her or simply do things that spark joy for both of em (or maybe annoy her a little by like, poking her face etc...) Basically #besties!!

Then there's my OG muses, Tsuruhime and Megohime/Aika... If you ever want something akin to "Hakunon gets spirited away to feudal Japan" then they'd be more than welcome to adopt take care of her. Aika (Mego's modern incarnation) has a modern verse too, though, so I suppose they can also go at it irl && hang out? (maybe discuss about horror / mystery / romance literature if Hakunon is into them!)

As for my canon muses go, best bet is to go with Kougyoku! She's a lonely princess/empress, so having a new friend that she could have a good conversation with would certainly spark a lot of joy... She'd be all like "I only had known Hakunon for a day but if anything happens to her I would kill everyone in this room and then myself"

If you want to discuss more abt it, my tumblr IM / discord is always open!

[ad-hawkeye]

Apologies for being late with this, I just stumbled upon your meta on the red string of fate and LOVED it. I also recently watched that CN card translation (Artem's card is soooo cute I'm holding back from rambling abt it for hours XD) and I just wanted to say that I adore how, on top of the traditional trope stuff you mentioned, it also adds to the "they have to work for this" part because the whole card is about MC's perceptions of Artem in high school being totally crushed 1/2

hello! hi!! i’m so happy you like my posts!!! it’s so exciting that even one person out there gets a kick out of me thinking too hard about my little anime boy game 🥺

obligatory spoilers as this talks about artem’s revisiting youth card!

you’re so entirely right!!! if i’m not mistaken the end of the card literally says this word for word. or artem does anyways! artem says that he still wants to go out of his comfort zone to try new things with mc. more sides of him (sides that show he isn’t perfect, like what you mentioned above) may be shown, and he asks if mc is willing to accept all of those sides... to which she nods yes.

the work doesn’t end just because they’re dating now, just like in real life.

this is another thing i’ve been thinking about in regards to artem/mc. it’s really nice that artem - someone who is so preoccupied with perfectionism in his own life - ends up admiring and falling for mc because of her imperfections (personal story 2 comes to mind with the whole preferring an imperfect person to a perfect robot bit) as well as her empathy and passion, while mc spends multiple cards learning more about artem and his imperfections, thus humanizing him, and ends up falling for him harder bc of it too.

just love this guy’s route so much haha ..

[sneakydraws]

Well, here it is - a lengthy explanation of each card in my mdzs major arcana deck and what I meant to convey/what i would have changed in retrospect/what alternatives i considered! It’s a bit messy and my typing style is lazy but hopefully it will be an interesting read to some of you :)

And so you don’t say I didn’t warn you - jiang cheng’s section (11 justice) is absurdly long lmao

0 the fool  I elaborated on this in the post itself but yeah basically jin ling is kind of representative of all the damage and trauma caused by the past, and there’s a kind of danger there of him falling victim to the same vices as the older characters and repeating the same mistakes and perpetuating the cycle of war and misery (the cycle that we already see with how the jin sect became the new wen sect, and later with how jgy became the new wwx) and he has a lot of room to grow! He grows so much over the course of the novel, comes to realise the complexities of the past and gets a harsh life lesson in how nothing is as black and white as it seems. But ill save talking about his progress for the end, for now whats important is that he has room to grow and also a dog. I don’t really have a justification for the sun, i mostly just thought it looked sick? It made its way to the next card as well, where it makes a bit more sense, but then i realised it was a dumb motif to include 1 the magician I still very much like wwx for the role, and that illustration would have probably had him raising a corpse on his left and pointing threateningly to the sun on his right. I considered including the table as well, with some mdzs relevant items replacing the card suits. Anyway, like i said wwx got a few cards to himself already so i went with the alternative wq design, since i think she fits the card as well. Both she and wwx are highly skilled people, extremely driven once they set their mind to something. The card to me symbolises the creative mind as well as a general drive for action, which fits them both - wwx was famously a prolific inventor, and wq came up with a previously unheard of surgery, after all. This card strays pretty far from the rider-waite deck design, largely because i was still figuring out how i wanted to approach this series, but you can still see the influence. 2 the high priestess I was actually going to skip this card at first because I couldn’t think of a fitting character, but once i considered a qings character post death, it all fit pretty well. She was already a highly intuitive person in life, and in sharing her memories with wwx she is, in a way, relaying a kind of secret knowledge. Anyway she’s one of my fav characters so im glad i got a chance to include her. The coffins could be interpreted to be xxc and sl or xxc and xy 3 the empress Theres other mother figures in mdzs who got to be mothers for a longer time, but jyl definitely embodies the positive aspects of this card the best. She’s nurturing, kind, emotionally supportive, she already mothered wwx and jc quite a bit when she was young. Plus i liked that the rw card had both water and flowers, making an easy lotus connection. In retrospect the stars look kind of out of place and i should have replaced them with something more relevant... Also, i should have had her hold a lotus seed pod instead of a flower, haha 4 the emperor Like i said I considered jc for the role but hoching bullied me into admitting that nmj was better… they’re both more of an inverted emperor than an upright one but then again theres hardly any character in mdzs who would fit upright emperor so. Jgs was also considered but he’s even uglier than nmj so i couldn’t bear to draw him 5 the hierophant It was pointed out to me that lqr would have fit this card better and the truth if that statement haunts me to this day. Unfortunately I have no space in my brain for lqr so lxc got the role instead. My main reason was his role during the wen destruction of gusu lan, when he ran away with the contents of the library - this is why there’s bookshelves behind him. The keys, take, from the rider-waite deck, are meant to represent the gusu pendants that allow you to enter 6 the lovers Im sure many people would have chosen wangxian here but I uhh don’t really care abt wangxian personally? And also their love story is so convoluted that jyl and jzx seem idyllic by comparison lol. Also i didnt really have an idea for who to put in the angel’s place for wangxian… mme jin certainly did not get these two together in the end but undeniably she and mme yu did initially give them a chance to fall for each other so. Thats something i guess. Anyway the trees became their sects’ flowers and the mountain became the burial grounds - an omen of their tragic fate, basically 7 the chariot There might have been other characters who fit this card better but i couldn’t really think of another card for lwj and i thought it would be weird to not include him… anyway i don’t really care for current timeline lwj BUT i do like that he was clearly influenced by wwx to walk his own path in life based on his moral convictions rather than follow his sect’s rules blindly. The chariot is to me a card of self control, self determination and focused action, so it seemed fitting. The composition felt kind of empty without the actual chariot so i padded it out with the guqin, the cloud recess in the bg (it doesn’t look great but i tried to replicate the drama design….) and the bunnies which conveniently fit the colour scheme of the sphinxes in the rider-waite design 8 strength Like i said before, my interpretation of this card is more… morally ambiguous than the quote unquote official meaning, so i thought about manipulative or duplicitous characters more than kind characters whose strength is expressed through gentleness (though i did consider jyl briefly for the latter interpretation). As such, i considered both jgy and nhs, but ended up going with jgy largely because i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put the nie sect’s beast as the lion. 9 the hermit My thoughts immediately went to bssr lol. It may be an overly literal interpretation but whatever, i like it just fine. And i like that i managed to echo the rider-waite silhouette in the mountain and the tree (and even in bssr herself) 10 wheel of fortune God i love the parallels between these 2… this card to me is about how you cant trust your current situation, good or bad, to last forever, and these 2 embody that perfectly imo. Wwx went from son of a well off servant and a powerful cultivator, to street rat orphan, to adopted son of sect leader jiang, to double orphan, to MIA, to terrifying but admired warrior, to terrifying and despised traitor, to dead, to, at the very end, suddenly respected and trusted again. The dishonesty and cheapness of whatever the public’s current opinion of him is is portrayed beautifully as far as im concerned. And jgy of course claws his way up to power only to instantaneously become public enemy number one, to the point that he’s probably blamed for stuff there’s no reason to believe he had a hand in. Wei wuxian’s silent astonishment at how quickly the cultivation world turns against jgy and towards him again is a delicious moment of thematic resonance.  11 justice I settled on this card for jc after he got booted from the emperor seat but i do think it fits, in a somewhat convoluted way. I turned both the sword and the scales into visual representations of the golden core transfer (can you tell im obsessed with it). According to biddy tarot, the justice card is partly about searching for the truth, and the scene where jc finds out about the transfer is of course a big deal. I was also very influenced by the reversed meaning again - which is about being reluctant or unwilling to face or accept the consequences of your actions. I feel on an intuitive level that this fits jc but I’m not sure how well i can explain it - it’s something about how he’s a little too comfortable scapegoating wwx for things that were also, if much less so, influenced by his actions, and also something about the way he keeps wwx at an arm’s length emotionally but still leans on him and accepts his support when he really needs it, and somewhat hypocritically expects wwx to put the needs of him and the jiang sect before the needs of others. And also something about the core exchange is the consequence and proof of wwx’s deep - terrifyingly deep, even - love and care for him, which is something jc doesn’t seem to let himself acknowledge. Maybe even something about how you could argue that the way all of the jiangs acted around wwx - jfm’s favouritism that left him with the feeling of a debt he needs to repay, mme yus insistence that he be a servant more than a brother to jc, prepared to give his life for jc, and jc’s own unwillingness - or inability, he was a child after all - to clearly acknowledge wwx as an equal to himself, enabling wwx’s self sacrificial and protective tendencies - that all of this was what caused wwx’s complete and unquestioning willingness to do whatever it took to protect jc, and therefore paved the way to the golden core transfer. And i don’t mean this to be scapegoating jc - especially considering how young he was when this all went down, it wouldn’t be fair to expect this level of emotional perceptiveness, awareness and maturity of him - but i think adult jc has to grapple with the fact that the chain of cause and effect was not as simple as wwx fucking everyone’s lives up to be a martyr, and that both jc and his parents had a role in that story as well. I don’t even necessarily think this is something that jc only realised in the current timeline - i think it’s something he felt on some level this whole time, and it probably led to a lot of feelings of guilt - but the suibian reveal definitely puts it in sharp focus, and i think he’s now better equipped to handle this introspection than he was as a recently orphaned, traumatised teenager, lol. ANYWAY the window with the fabric is both a nod to the rider-waite design and a reference to the destruction of lanling - i actually did some basic ass research for this, and it seems that in ancient china fabric would indeed be hanged in a window if the normally used paper was damaged. The design of the window, as well as the very idea to use it to imply the reconstruction of lanling, was taken from this great piece of jc angst by my pal moroll1! Oh yeah also the covered window kind of works as a denial of forgiveness for jc because it’s like a halo but covered up... Also I completely forgot to put a blindfold over his eyes which would be perfectttt because blind justice and the core exchange......... ok moving on 12 the hanged man I always have issues with this card because i cant find a satisfactory summary of what it’s really about. Best i can tell it symbolises a need to hit pause, surrender or let go of something… ive also seen it tied to sacrifice? So mo xuanyu doesn’t fit perfectly, but sacrifice is definitely there in a surface level reading kind of way, and the idea that you have to surrender or let go in order to achieve your goal does fit the whole deal of getting revenge but giving up your life in exchange and not being there to see it 13 death This is probably one of my favourite cards, definitely not because I have huge issues with change or anything…. I see this card as signalling the necessity of change or putting an end to something / leaving something in the past in order to start anew? At first i considered putting past wwx, mxy and current wwx here as a kind of transformation and one cycle flowing into the next... But firstly, I’d already used mxy in the very previous card, so putting him in again would feel like overkill, and secondly, the longer I thought about it the less convinced I was that this would even fit with the card’s meaning? Because coming back from the dead doesn’t like... trigger an internal transformation within wwx or anything? Anyway, fun fact: the design I ended up going with was actually originally intended for judgement! I thought I was being very clever with the whole “figure plays an instrument and the dead rise” parallel, but apparently I’d just completely forgotten that the judgement card had a completely different composition... Truly I was boo boo the fool... But yeah anyway at the end of the day I figured the design would kind of work for death as well, with Wen Ning and the theme of transformation, (since in his case coming back as a fierce corpse does actually mark a certain transformation in behaviour) and Wei Wuxian’s protection of the Wen people essentially signifying an attempt to break the cycle of oppression if that makes any sense? Like, wwx is trying to revolutionise the way the world works a bit, if you catch my drift 14 temperance  The centrist card! Again this is probably going off track from the “official” interpretation, but to me this card has a certain “don’t commit fully; do everything in moderation; don’t take either side” flavour to it that i personally find infuriating irl and that i very much assign to lxc. It’s entirely possible that I’m misinterpreting his character because i didn’t really pay him (and the 3zun in general) much mind while reading, but hell, I’m allowed to pick favourites and choose who i want to interpret deeply vs shallowly. Again, i wish id chosen lqr for hierophant because its so annoying for a character i don’t care about to get two cards…. But oh well 15 the devil My alternative idea for this was jgy as the devil and lxc plus nmj as the figures, but since all three had been featured already (multiple times, even!) i figured I’d go with xy instead, especially since he’s among my faves lol. I think the devil signifies something along the lines of unhealthy attachment, obsession or addiction, which isn’t 100% accurate in the case of xxc and a-qing, but if i stretch it a bit to cover toxic relationships in general, and especially manipulation or negative influence, i don’t think it’s half bad. My main struggle here was to choose who amongst the xxc/sl/aq trio to choose for the human figures. 16 the tower Arguably jin zixuans death and the following massacre of nightless city were the final and most direct reason for the siege of burial mounds, and the tiger seal is good shorthand for wwx’s loss of control over his powers, which led to the deaths of jzx and jyl. When reimagining major arcana i like to feature some kind of building in this card (spoilers for a possible future project but in my rose of versailles major arcana set the tower is bastille) and even if it’s not a tower, the image of wwx looming over the gathered crowd from atop a rooftop is so good i couldn’t resist 17 the star Struggled with this one - considered both jin ling and lsz for it, as symbolising a hope for the future, but that was kind of covered by the world so it wouldn’t make sense to include here as well... As usual when I struggle with interpreting a card (as opposed to understanding it but struggling with matching a character to it, like with death or moon) I went to biddy tarot and read all the details about its meaning. What i got was that this card signifies an incoming period of introspection and inner peace following a time of turmoil, as well as a general moving on into a new, better phase of one’s life or finding new meaning and purpose. The figure also suggests someone vulnerable, but possessing a keen sense of intuition as well as a good degree of practicality and common sense. Given all those, I settled for mianmian because IM LOVE HER..... I also kind of see her as a prelude to the “just one person is enough” theme present in tgcf!! And i think her decision to abandon her sect because she saw the toxicity and corruption in it is a very inspiring action - even if it didn’t make a large visible impact, i think the appearance of her and her idyllic family at the very end of the novel - paralleling and mirroring wangxian - implies that at the end of the day, it was a meaningful one 18 the moon Another card i ALWAYS fuxking struggle with - this time less because i can’t grasp its meaning and more because I can never find a character that fits it well. I usually get fixated on the “dreams and subconscious” part, but if i lean more on the “disguise, deceit, anxiety and fear” part, i eventually figured the whole yi city arc wouldn’t be a bad fit. I say the entire arc because it really does encompass all those themes if you include both the past and the present - xue yang’s disguise, his tricks with the villagers, a-qing’s lies and even xxc’s reluctance to talk about his past as well as xue yang pretending to be xxc all fit the disguise and deceit angle, and the general mystery and creepiness of the current timeline yi city work well with the anxiety and fear - the mist, the slow uncovering of the past, even a-qing being revealed to be an ally after scaring the shit out of the protags. I definitely struggled with including all the elements and characters, and even moreso with making them vaguely fit the rider-waite composition, but i think it ended up okay ish. OH and i completely forgot to draw mist swirling around them :( 19 the sun I was considering mianmian’s family for this one, but since I used her for star, I ended up with wwx and his parents instead. Once again I’m reinterpreting the card a bit - normally I think it symbolises incoming times of pure happiness and abundance, as well as a connection with the inner child, but I gave it more of a nostalgic or sentimental twist - wwx looking back at the brief glimpse of his happy childhood. 20 judgement another card that i struggle to interpret a bit... Here i actually used the tgcf tarot zine as a reference! In it judgement is summarised as “rebirth, following duty, absolution” SO i figured that nhs, mxy and wwx all together would fit pretty neatly... wwx achieving (public) absolution through clearing his own name after being reborn, and nhs sort of calling on wwx to expose jgy’s crimes... It’s a bit messy but not bad I think! 21 the world This ties very closely to my read on mdzs as a story - which is that it’s, at the end of the day, largely about cycles, and about how hard it is to break them, but how we gotta keep trying and have hope anyway. Or maybe more precisely, that the people directly involved with and influenced by the trauma of the past might not be able to get over said trauma and that the hope for healing from it will be shouldered by the new generation. Or something like that… Basically what i mean is that jc and wwx and lwj and lxc and nhs and jgy and all these people who were in the thick of the sunshot campaign and the siege are so profoundly affected by it that it genuinely feels by the end of the story like there is little hope for them to ever truly overcome that trauma and build a better future without repeating the same old mistakes - but there is a glimmer of hope in the new generation, specifically in jl and lsz. And it’s a bit paradoxical, because they have also been directly impacted by the past tragedies - lsz having his entire clan wiped out after wwx failed to protect them, jl losing both his parents to wwx’s mistakes - but despite that loss, and despite coming from arguably the two opposing sides of the past conflicts, they are both, in the end, capable of moving past that tragedy, of recognising the complicated nature of those conflicts (jl’s moment of clarity at the end is both heartbreaking and hopeful) and forging friendships between clans in the process. I honestly think that the extra where jl is struggling to assert his authority as sect leader, to treat his subjects well and to cooperate with other sects in a truly amicable way is the single hopeful ending note for the larger themes of the novel - it allows us to imagine that maybe these kids can learn from the mistakes of their elders rather than getting sucked in by resentment at those mistakes, and actually build a brighter future for the cultivation world. And sidenote, this is also why i have a soft spot for jin ling and lan sizhui as a ship... speaking of which their poses were directly referenced from the lovers card ehehe

Looking back, I’d like to add some symbol of jin ling’s trauma so that it mirrors baby wen yuan in the tree stump... maybe his father’s sword? 

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE02 (ep,9). part 1

You know it’s real when kyo is given monologue right from the beginning! It rarely happens that he’s allowed any!, but when he does, it hits like a wild wave changing everything. The story is never the same after each time he’s given inner-talk. Forever changing the dynamics, the secrets & the relationships. e.g. true form ep.

Kyo’s love confession:

The sweetest, most tender love confession from the character that started the show fighting & screaming! The one that hated himself the most! now loves his name, only cuz she said it! “a special ring to it”. the guy who couldn’t look at her face, will repeat stupid things over “if it made you smile”. “Since when did I started” falling in love with you? the show goes on to show us various moment from as early as ep,4 & throughout seasons & scenes! he doesn’t know! We, the viewers, also don’t know when he started loving her!! we kinda gradually~ normally~ unknowingly~ fell in love with them together. The show opened this heavy ep filled with first-hand experience & steps on how Akito destroyed his victim... ouch! well-played, furuba! well-played.

The location: An empty room, no furniture, small, suffocating. The abuser sits far, then slowly walks towards the prey until there’s no space. But not before causing  physical pain to reassure dominance over the victim.

STEP 1: (The BET).

Kyo in his attempts to fight his destiny has met up with Akito prior to the beginning of the story, to defy him. Akito cleverly traps kyo into a bet manipulating his desire to break away from his fate. you said, YOU can fight your destiny? ok. I’ll let you. If you win against yuki, I’ll let you be free. easy, right? kyo this is your chance to prove yourself to yourself! just practice & win a stupid match. EASY! except it isn’t. The rat is superior to the cat. Your trials are in vain. you’ll NEVER rise up to anything except a failure. Try for three years! so generous of Akito! 36 months! you only need to win once! But you WON’T EVER! planting a toxic seed that eats away the victim’s self-esteem, hope & desire. Give him the chance to believe in himself then CRUSH IT. Once kyo fails, he’ll never believe in himself again. The bet is now cancelled before the third year even begins! one year & a half of failure is enough. You LOST. The Directing was phenomenal! The scene is shot in shades of sickening green, with underwater feel, like kyo is drowning deep in Akito’s abuse. Akito was shown from kyo’s perspective. Distorted, scary & demonic. like a monster..

STEP 2: (the past)

Taunting kyo with selective words that hit exactly were it hurts the most, using affirmative sentences in calm authoritative tone, alluding to facts.“cuz you’re a monster, ur mom is dead” “it was ur fault” “u killed ur mom”. Akito painted kyo’s mom in martyr light. giving birth to a monster, admirably protecting & raising him. Her reward? DEATH due to immense pressure from being WITH him. Extra step: painting kyo as the unforgivable & unappreciative son “ her son didn’t even mourn her” cuz kyo didn’t cry in front of others in her funeral. all these words carved his psyche like daggers extracting buried memories of his dad doing like Akito. YOU caused ur mom grief. the memory is now crystal clear. His mom walking slowly with open arms towards death. Giving kyo her back knowing he’s there. choosing to abandon & leave him. cuz it is HIM that is too much to bear. it is HIM that she’s escaping from.

STEP 3: (the present)

“you should’ve died”, “if you didn’t exist EVERYONE would be happy” This everyone in particular destroyed kyo way more than Akito ever planned for. Everyone includes the present. Everyone includes ppl who aren’t sohma-related. Everyone includes a happy mother & daughter. Everyone includes kyoko & tohru. It is NOW that kyo crashes, falls, loses & bends. Kyoko is the nail in his coffin. Akito lets go of kyo’s hand. Mission accomplished.

-Miscalculation in Akito’s plan: (tohru)

Akito unwittingly ruins her plan by mentioning tohru. her triumphant smile disappears & her authoritative powerful voice turns into childish screams to silence kyo, pathetically covering her ears. This drastic shift in power resulted only by mentioning tohru. Realizing that tohru was used as tool for whatever reason gave kyo strength to stand up & defend her. how dare you call her a monster? how dare you call her an angel? NO. she is but a human. A kind soul. That stayed WITH me regardless of all my ugliness inside & outside. WHY? who does that? Who gives & never takes? the foolish traveler.

The foolish traveler’s role in liberating & confiding kyo:

In momiji’s story, the foolish traveler gives the monster her life & dies. Tohru gave kyo her presence. She did NOT heal him or fade the ugliness away. NO. She didn’t treat his trauma. NO. she doesn’t even know abt his mom’s suicide!! she ONLY gave him her presence. She stayed with the monster. WHY? cuz she is a foolish person filled with kindness not wanting anything in return. But what happened to the the foolish traveler at the end of momiji’s story? she died. again DEATH surrounds kyo. If this foolish traveler stays with him death awaits her. History has proven kyo’s company lethal. the cat has cursed his most beloved ppl into death & harm. his dad, mom, kyoko. This story made kyo realize his romantic love to tohru & tragically made him understand the possible sad ending.

Akito’s Rebound:

Akito sizes the chance, strikes back & regains power. Like a hungry monster smelling fear! “ do u think u have the right to fall in love with someone?” “do u think you’re allowed?” Kyoko, reinforcing Akito’s words.”I won’t forgive you”. you, the monster knows love?? “who’s the real villain” you, the killer! “who’s the one who involved her the most” You, the most cursed! “it’s best if you are gone”.” I KNOW!” ,kyo said.

The fighter gives up:

“it was me”. every negative thought kyo has is reinforced by a past experience from someone in his life. Akito blackmails kyo into accepting his confinement in exchange of NOT harming tohru. It is becuz kyo finally loved someone enough to want to EXIST in this word that he finally stops fighting. He fought for years for himself. Now, he’ll give up for another person. Tohru’s love liberated him from hating himself enough to die or take his hatred on someone else, but, her love also imprisoned him into thinking he’ll never be worthy for her. His first thought upon seeing her is “ I want to be with u forever” but once again “ kyoko shows up reminding him” i wont forgive you” How can kyo wish to be with her? his entire trauma is against it. does he has the guts to rip tohru’s smile once he confess abt the past? What does he expect tohru to say once she knows? How would tohru react? he’ll scar her forever more than she’s already scarred. Those scars that she hides oh so well from others will become tragically apparent once he confess. So, No, kyo. Spare her the pain. who are you anyway? a mere monster that everyone will be happy if you disappeared” “why didn’t my mom kill me?” “she should’ve killed me” If she did.. then tohru would’ve been happy with her mom. “Why am I still alive?”

Kyo’s precious flower:

love is against logic. Logic says stay away from tohru & spare her ur unworthy existence. Love says look for her! love makes you run to her! love makes you want to see her first thing after getting out of the that room. love says cherish her, be around, stay with her. Love says she needs you! yes, the unworthy monster has been loved before! way before tohru!. Kazuma flashes in his mind & brings hope, Kyoko, flashes with a kind smile, teasing him, I see different hair styles, maybe repeatedly meeting kyo, love reminded kyo of the friend-kyoko! who recognized his loneliness, patted his head, reached out to him, she told him abt the tiny flower, showed him her most precious treasure. These ppl treated him as a human! NOT a monster, kazuma, kyoko & tohru, love opened his eyes to see the light amidst the darkness, the warmth of the sunset after the depth of suffocation. He won’t give up on life. NO, he wants to LIVE, to LOVE & to give back! he now knows that his existence isn’t completely worthless! he was there for tohru. he has already given her back time after time since they’ve met, he knows that! he made her smile, he saw her! the real her! tiny, foolish & oh so precious!  By the time he reached her he was able to genuinely smile from his heart! yes, he can smile cuz she’s with him now. He doesn’t care anymore abt the disgusting sohma & their curse. He only cares abt her. he won’t trample his precious flower, “ i once hoped to be always together, far away” to “ make you my own” But NO. he can’t hurt her with the painful memories, he’ll treat her with utmost respect, care & love until its time to say goodbye. quietly exiting from her life. As long as she’s not harmed. As long as her smile stays, so, he’ll stay with her together,” until we’re separated far apart”

[stars-control-au-archived]

nobody asked but i want to talk about cinderpelt SO IM GOING TO

cinderpelt isn’t “soft” in this au. i mean, i don’t think she’s a soft little baby in canon anyways. i think she’s incredibly strong and sassy. i mean, this is the cat that literally yelled at tigerclaw and made him listen. she also called leafpool out a bunch... so. her sticking up for herself and not ultimately accepting her fate doesn’t feel that ooc, in my opinion.

like in canon, she finds out that she’s gonna die. that’s her role. she doesn’t tell anyone, and she just sort... accepts it. she’s just like “okay, this is the way starclan wills it.” but then, at her death, she sees leafpool’s reaction. how truly broken she is, and realizes that Hey maybe isn’t fair that her destiny is to... die.

she goes to starclan and they’re like “okay you’re gonna be reincarnated into cinderkit now :D” and cinderpelt hates that. they’ve thrown so many things at her since she was an apprentice, but she continued to thrive and live... she became content with her life. then finally, they tell her her fate was to die? and become someone else? giving her a “second-chance”... she didn’t NEED a second chance, she could’ve just continued living as HERSELF. she was happy.

but, still, she agrees. her rage is quiet, for now. she’s reincarnated as cinderheart. by that, i mean, cinderheart’s is still her own cat, with her own personality, but cinderpelt is part of her. in theory, cinderheart could exist without her (and does, later), but they are intertwined.

cinderpelt gets angrier and angrier. it affects cinderheart too... cinderheart feels a pull away from starclan from a young age. it gets more noticeable over time. then her form starts changing. ive spoken about this before plenty, but .... essentially cinderpelt becomes corrupt. shes the ONLY spirit who has become corrupt and survived, and it has affects on cinderheart.

corruption also affects mindset. its a bit like corruption in steven universe tbh, i got inspiration from that too. its not as sudden as in SU, they dont just suddenly turn into a huge beast but... their thoughts get less and less comprehensive the more corrupt they become.

ultimately tho, cinderheart and cinderpelt get their confrontation, and cinderpelt actually HEALS :D more on that when i finally talk abt the last hope battle :)))

[luobingmeis]

so im just gonna vent/monologue for a hot second and idc who does or does not read this but we’re just gonna be super chill abt it and not read too deeply into the stuff that i say, so!!!

and if i delete this in the morning, ignore all this!!!

i think the best way to start this post off in general is “i had a bunch of stuff i wanted to vent abt but from the shower to here (total of like 5 minutes) i have forgotten most of it”

which is very on brand bc i don’t remember most things nowadays ajkdjkdskj

anyways tho also shout out to my lack of emotional object permeance bc i have been in such a Not Fun State for X days (bc i dont really remember when this started this week akjdsjkdsjk) and i cannot remember what started it nor can i fully process that i have only been in this state for like A Few Days and not like........................ weeks

but i think that is also due to the fact that i do, in fact, bounce back and forth between “hey things are fine idk why i ever thought they were bad :)” and “hey things are bad idk why i ever thought they were fine :)”

it also doesn’t help that. every day. i am analyzing the complicated relationship i have with my parents. specificaly my mom. and it definitely isn’t fun to think abt.

basically every day i think abt that scene from the breakfast club when they all talk abt how they’re fated to become their parents, no matter how hard they try not to be, and it especially fucks me up when i think abt how much me and my mom are alike, in both the good and the bad, and i’m just like “hmm am i just being a shitty daughter (possible) or do i have to figure out how to fix this (don’t know how) or am i just gonna have to break the chain eventually (upsetting!)”

but that is deeply upsetting to think and talk abt so :^)

and i also think a lot abt how i’m 99% sure ********** runs in our family which i guess i’ll have to deal with eventually even tho it doesn’t really. affect me rn. i guess!

let it be known that i do love my parents very much!! i just. have too many thoughts in my head.

also i get nervous throwing terms around bc im scared of being wrong but i genuinely think i have like. adhd and/or depression and/or anxiety and also i think there’s something messy going on with my empathy which is!! also upsetting!!!!

but tbh i have never been more. like. resistant to treatment in my life than i am right now. so i just deal with all of this in my brain.

also i’m kinda just back into my way of “consume the same media over and over and let it just become my whole personality so i can feel like a normal person” except that makes, like, idk “coming back to reality” a bitch bc i have spent the past?? 24/48 hours feeling like i’m on and off floating through space and time

also ik that this will all probably be over in a couple days, idk maybe even tomorrow!!! but for rn i’m just :^)

also me and my best friend were talking today and he said something like “i think everyone has certain things they do that just make them feel bad” and i kinda just nodded along bc i knew that my answer of “well i basically at this point purposely keep a shitty sleep schedule and, even when i wake up at 11am, i basically don’t let myself eat until 4/5pm bc, besides having some things i probably need to unpack, i also find something terribly grounding in feeling shitty” would Not go over well 

also there is no way i am mentally and emotionally ready to go back to school in september, like i say this every year and i think at this point i just need to accept that i’ve wasted away my college years feeling shitty and i will never get this back!!!! which is. fun.

also i’m doing so many things this semester that i don’t want to do bc apparently i care abt what other people want more than i do. for some stupid reason.

also ngl i’ve come to the realization that sometimes my brain is just not a great place to be akjdkjdskj

also i have to do my thesis this semester and i already feel behind and next semester i’m barely gonna get to see my professors/friends except for like one or two days a week so while a part of me literally does not want to step foot on my campus/in a class room bc i am So Not Ready, i also feel like i’m basically gonna have no support that will be tangible to me 

anyways tho i’ve fully brought taz/dnd back into my life so that is always an upside!! and i mean that unironically, like. when in doubt. taz/dnd will give me my serotonin and fantasy escapism that i crave <3

i feel like i could say more but at this point i’m just tired!!! so, to quote adam parrish, “i want to feel awake when my eyes are open”

[fangirl-erdariel]

So I got like all of three people interested but that's abt all the prompting I need anyway 😂

So. Yeah. Chosen Ones. The Call of Destiny, the Call to Adventure.

Pretty much every Chosen One gets it, that's how you know they're Chosen Ones (ok granted there are chosen ones who first sorta accidentally end up involved in an adventure and only later on discover it was their Destiny all along. But that's not what I'm talking about here). Usually it comes either in the form of someone really just handing them a sword and telling them they gotta do stuff. Sometimes it's a bit more complicated. In Heralds of Valdemar books it typically involves a white magic horse walking up to the main character, introdicing themself, and saying they Choose the main character. Or possibly tricking their Chosen into getting on their back and then getting them into a situation where they can't really just say no. But yeah, in general, it's very hard to say no to an intelligent magic horse that really, really wants you to do something, when an unbreakable bond of love and trust is born almost from the moment you first look into the horse's eyes.

Either way, the Chosen Ones fairly often refuse their Destiny at first. Not always, and with some heroes it might work better with them accepting it right away, but fairly often, probably more often than not but I can't say for sure, they try to refuse it at first.

Why, in-universe, do they refuse? The common reasons are all more or less selfless; fear, feeling that they're not good enough and someone else would do it better, or some conflicting obligation they wish to fulfill first. The conflicting obligation is somewhat rarer than the other two, but not unheard of; for example Luke Skywalker in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope refuses at first to go with Obi-Wan to Alderaan not because he doesn't want to, but because he feels Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru need his help around the farm and he should not leave them, no matter how much he wants to become a pilot or something instead.

Now, I admit, you could call fear or feeling of not being good enough selfish reasons, but for this I feel they're at least somewhat selfless. Because when the Thing they gotta do requires a Chosen One, it's automatically very important. The fate of the entire world may be at stake. So fear and feeling they're not good enough are reasons based on acknowledging the importance of the task they're given and how bad things would go should they fail, and not wanting to fail. On the other hand, what I mean here when I say "selfish", is indifference to the task they're given, refusal either because they don't feel like it or because it would require giving up something they don't want to give up.

But what about refusing for a completely selfish reason? That's a lot more rare. Of course the reason probably is that it may be more difficult to make the hero change their mind, and it also portrays them in a far less pretty and perfect light than the aforementioned reasons.

In fact, there's only one work of fiction I can recall right now that has the hero refuse for a reason that can only be called selfish. There are certainly more out there, no work of fiction is that unique, but that's the only one that comes to mind right now.

That work is a show called Robin of Sherwood. Now, the show doesn't have much of a fandom, so I'll give a brief summary of it here. Robin of Sherwood was a British fantasy tv show that ran for three seasons in 1984-1986. The show was based on Robin Hood, but there were fantasy elements added into it that do not exist in traditional versions of Robin Hood.

One of those fantasy elements was that Robin was Herne's Son, a Chosen One of the pagan god/forest spirit Herne the Hunter. This decision turned out to work for the show makers' favor when the original actor of Robin left the show, as it allowed them to kill of the previous Robin and have Herne choose a new Son. As a result, the show has two rather different characters both doing the part of Robin Hood, stealing from the rich, inconveniencing Prince/King John, annoying the hell out of the Sheriff of Nottingham, and fighting for the poor and oppressed people.

Now the first Robin, Robin of Loxley, being Chosen goes fairly traditionally; he's slightly hesistant about accepting the call but does so fairly quickly anyway. By the time his home is destroyed and his adoptive parents murdered, he's already accepted his Destiny and ready and willing to do Herne's bidding. I'll return to him later, but first I want to get to the point and bring up the second Robin.

The second Robin is actually called Robert of Huntingdon, and he is a nobleman of a powerful and high-ranking family; he's the son and heir of the Earl of Huntingdon, and nephew of the King of Scotland. Herne chooses him immediately after the first Robin dies, perhaps even a little sooner given how quickly he's able to go to the outlaws' rescue. When Herne chooses him, he does agree to help a little; he saves the captured outlaws who would otherwise have been executed. But that is something he can do quickly, with little risk to himself. When it comes down to it, he still refuses to truly become Herne's Son.

And there's no fear or humility or claims of not being good enough behind him not refusing. One might argue that being the heir of the Earl of Huntingdon means conflicting loyalties/obligations, but the show does not frame his choice in a way that seems to make it about that. What he says to Herne when refusing is more or less "The outlaws are safe, I've done enough, I'm not doing anything more for you." He refuses simply because he's not interested in the job, and though it's not stated aloud, possibly also because accepting that destiny would be giving up all the comfort and priviledges he has and exchanging them for a very hard and dangerous life as an outlaw.

His eventual acceptance of the Call is because of equally selfish reasons; he meets Marion at a party and decides she's hot. When she's abducted soon afterwards, he decides to go to the rescue, and as his father would not accept the attempt, he goes to get help from Herne and gathers up those Outlaws he can find to aid him in her rescue. Granted, his reasons for rescuing Marion are not solely "she hot". There's arguably also general outrage at her being abducted and forced into marrying like that, as well as guilt over having endangered her by defending her earlier in the party from the person who eventually abducted her, and I think he would feel those things even had the abducted person been someone he didn't find attractive. But I feel like him liking her and wanting to be together with her also played a major part, and it may be that without that he would not have had strong enough feelings about the matter to go to her rescue (or at least he would not have gone so quickly and rashly, but instead taken his time considering whether it was worth it or not, and planning and preparing). I think that only after accepting his destiny, Robert starts truly caring about the things he as Herne's Son fights for strongly enough to actually fight for them.

And it works. It works, I dare say, better than any othrr reason for refusal. Robert has lived a very priviledged life, and the reasons Robin Hood fights are... not really matters that would ever have affected his life. He has little to fear from the nobility, as he is one of them. He hasn't faced oppression. He hasn't experienced poverty. He hasn't had to choose between stealing or poaching and starving. He may well have at some point noticed it happens, maybe felt somewhat bad about it, but they are not matters that would intimately concern him.

So why would he even give up all his priviledges, all the ease and comfort of his life, to fight for things that would never concern him if he stays a nobleman? A hero who cares that deeply would of course be admirable, but let's be real. Damn few people in real life would be willing to give up that much. Good people living priviledged lives might sacrifice a bit, do things that slightly inconvenience them or take a little away from what they have, but giving up absolutely everything? I don't think many people would. And honestly, taking that into account, having Robert refuse simply because he does not want that kind of life adds more depth to the character than a more traditional refusal would have had. It makes him seem less of an impossibly perfect hero, but all things considered, it does not make him seem too terribly selfish to ever be a hero, either.

In comparison, for Robin of Loxely in RoS the quick unquestioning acceptance of his new position works perfectly. He's already an outlaw when he first meets Herne; he has nothing to lose by agreeing. He's lived his entire life witnessing the immediate effects of oppression all around him, so the fight is instantly personal to him even before he starts fighting it for Herne.

So, yeah. I guess my point here, if I have any, is that different characters should respond differently to becoming the Chosen One, and if you write that kind of stories, it will be worth it to consider whether one of the stock responses works well (because it definitely might!) or whether you should think outside the most common ones for a bit.

[kabira]

helllooooo 1, 6, 7 and 10 for ataraxia and summer rain! (i hope that's not too much knwjwkwk)

ofc not !! i’m so sorry for the late though sasjkd

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

summer rain: it was the end of summer and i missed camp and wanted to write something bittersweet that just...wouldn’t end, you know? i had to write it as a progression of a relationship from the Very Beginning.

ataraxia: tbh idk what was going on in my mind when i wrote it. i was still reeling from fear and the way the song affected me (the way i love/you must get away from me i’m poison) came out in a string of emotions.

6. What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

summer rain: it’s not direct. there’s no direct resolution and no direct confession but it feels the most real. every time i go back to it i get this...this strong nostalgia about my own past though it was nothing like in the fic. i think summer rain, though disguised as fluff, is just a letter of yearning. i believe that the love stored in it is the purest form of love.

ataraxia: it’s a really short fic and there’s no backstory but it has a lot of hidden doors? it’s a cyclic fic, i.e. there are a lot of implications that it keeps happening and that it will happen again, but what you feel within that single scene is unique to it. it’s special because there’s no real answer to the question it poses, the whole mortal/immortal love thing.

7. Where did the title come from?

summer rain: because summer rain here are short spells of rain, warm and comforting the way rain usually isn’t. it rains in bursts, the way the story is told in choppy bits of scenes.

ataraxia: it means ‘serene calmness’ according to the dictionary, and that’s basically what the fic is about? the calmness that comes from acceptance, even if it’s just a resigned acceptance of your hopeless fate. also it sounded cool.

10. Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

since there is only an x reader i will talk abt the idols i chose instead lol

summer rain: yeonjun reminds of a best-friend kind of guy who would always be /there/ in your life yk? like at the sidelines, helpless in the face of change but would try to hang on to familiarity. not an imposing presence, but you look for him anyway. someone you’d be joined at the hip with,, if he chooses you, then that’s it.

ataraxia: jeonghan OWNS angst dsjks he’s just the perfect angst candidate for me ;-; and as shallow as this sounds the fear stages?? the long dark hair and pale skin and bloodred lips look?? vampire au for you boyo

[knightthart]

Behind the scenes 8, 18, 29 - smile

 8-  Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately.

Yes, all the time and I know that I already talked abt this song here, but it’s I Know is Over by The Smiths, actually, I’m inspired by a lot of their songs bc I’m listening to them nonstop for the past two weeks.

18 - What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Ok, Let’s go.

THE SCENE ------

"I never expected this," Harry said.

"What? The end of all?" Eggsy said trying to joke.

"No, have a family," Harry said. "I had Merlin and we were each other family, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't like this."

"I was surprised by it too. Since my father died I never expected to have this kind of thing back, you know? Especially after Dean entered my life, but you gave me it all. I think you saved me, Harry," Eggsy said softly.

"I think we saved each other," Harry said caressing Eggsy's cheek.

"Yeah, we did," Eggsy said smiling. "Do you ever thought that if this wasn't happening we would be strangers for the rest of our lives? Do you ever thought about that?"

"I like to think that you would find a way to achieve your dream of becoming a vet eventually," Harry said. "And that Merlin would also create courage to go after Ginger even if she didn't text him," Harry said.

"But then you would be left alone again," Eggsy said. "Maybe we would have found each other anyway, maybe you would take Mr. Pickle to my clinic and you would remember that I used to laugh with the things that you said about Chester when you were at the shop."

"Maybe," Harry said. "Maybe you would find someone better, adopt some kids," Harry said. "Maybe I would have followed Merlin to The United Stated and marry a cowboy, who knows," Harry said smiling. "But we found each other."

"We did," Eggsy said.

A loud noise broke their silence and made Daisy wake up, Eggsy held her tighter trying to calm her down. The morning arrived, they both sat, Harry hugged Eggsy and Daisy, Mr. Pickle was right beside them and Harry put one hand on him. They heard another noise, Eggsy were shaking a little.

"Eggsy," Harry whispered in his ear. "I love you," Eggsy gave Daisy a gently kiss on her head and then turned himself to look at Harry.

"I love you too...."

END OF THE SCENE-----

This is from my fic “All I Need is The Air That I Breathe and To Love You” that was based in the movie  “ Seeking a Friend For The End of The World" and I can’t express HOW MUCH I love this entire fic and all the feelings I put on it. This is the final scene, Harry and Eggsy both know that they’ll die and this is it. They are fucking sad and they are afraid, but at the same time, they just accept their fate. There isn’t anything that they can do about it and at the same time they are just glad that they found each other and they were together until the very end.

I wrote this fanfic in the beginning of the pandemic (it isn’t related at all with the pandemic tho) and I throw a lot of feelings on it. I’m also very fond of the beach scene (I have to put it here to because I LOVE IT)

SCENE-----

"I never really watched the sun goes down before," Eggsy said putting his head on Harry's shoulder while he was hugging Daisy, that was sleeping. Harry had an arm around him and with his free hand, he was petting Mr. Pickle.

"I watched it a couple of times, but it always made me feel sad. I think I like to watch the sunrise more than I like the sunset," Harry said.

"Sometimes you are too goddamn poetic," Eggsy said laughing. "I used to hate sunrises, sunrises used to mean that I had to wake up and go to work with Chester King,” Harry laughed.

"I see why you hate it," Harry said.

"Nah, hated. I think I like it now since it means that I have another day with you and Daisy," Eggsy said looking at Harry.

"Who is being too goddamn poetic right now?" Harry asked with a smile.

"Shut up," Eggsy said blushing.

END OF THE SCENE

I JUST FUCKING LOVE THIS FIC, THIS IS MY FUCKING MASTER PIECE. 

29 -  Send me a word. If it’s in your WIPs, include the sentence and a short summary of the fic.

Soft

“You have to stop being so soft buddy,” Eggsy remembered Jack saying to him once. “You’ll get yourself killed one day.” Eggsy had looked at him with a raised brow.

Sumary:

Eggsy Unwin was the Statesman also known as Agent Gin, and he was one of the best in the field despite the fact that he was only twenty-five years old. However, after a complicated mission went wrong because of the chaos created by Richmond Valentine, Eggsy got severed injuries and was banned from going on missions.

After a couple of months, Eggsy was completed healed and ready to go back to work, but his excitement quickly faded when he found out that his first task was to take care of the Lepidopterist that Tequila came across outside a Church one day before the V-Day. Eggsy didn't train to be a fucking babysitter.

He also didn't expect to fall in love with an amnesic bloke.

THIS GOT LONG, I’M SO SORRY AND THANK YOU

[whatbutandreil]

i had an ask sitting in my inbox for a couple of months bc i didn't really know what i wanted to say, but i lost the ask:/

unfortunately, when i tried to save my response to my drafts, tumblr just,, fuckin deleted it, so im sorry to whoever asked it:/ but i have my response now. the ask said "what(or who) got you into tfc?" to the person who asked this question, thank you. this has been a really great reflection. so uh,, here's my answer:

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i kinda hate the way i came into tfc bc it was in a way that didn't respect the wishes of my, now friend on twitter, ziegenkind.

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basically, i was scrolling on pinterest, as you do, and i fell into a hole of like,, gay fanart? (not a question, just a little self-reflection on how fucking queer i am. how did i not fucking know?)

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anyway, so, i was scrolling, as you do, and i found @ziegenkind 's stunning painting of andrew and neil on the bottom bunk of the dorm bed (y'all know the one) and i was like "whooooo,, the fUCk are these two cuties (ʘ‿ʘ)??"

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PSA : DONT REPOST PEOPLE'S ART WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION, ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE EXPLICITLY SAYS NOT TO. THIS COUNTS AS REPOSTING IF YOU POST SOMEONE ELSE'S ART TO PINTEREST, INSTAGRAM, TUMBLR, TWITTER, FACEBOOK, ANY SOCIAL MEDIA. DO NOT QRT PEOPLE'S ART ON TWITTER IF PEOPLE SAY NO. YOU ARE NO EXCEPTION. AND DONT FUCKING ERASE PEOPLE'S WATERMARKS AND DEFINITELY DONT REPLACE THEM WITH YOUR OWN. DONT FUCKING DO IT. to the lovely ziegenkind, (it's julian from twitter (^o^)丿) it's so fuckin unfortunate that i found your art through reposts and it's fucking horrible that people don't listen, but thank you for being my bridge into this fandom and im very grateful to have found you and been able to talk with such an angel. you quite literally changed my life forever and i can't thank you enough:') im eternally grateful for that. BUT DONT FUCKING REPOST DIPSHITS

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anyway, so, naturally, i sat in my bed for 3 hours at 1am on a school night, as you do, scrolling through andreil fan art and trying to figure out who the fUCK they were and what they were from. i found tfc and immediately downloaded it on my phone

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i didn't get to reading it for a bit tho:/ abt a week later, i was brought to the emergency room bc i was planning to kill myself. id been diagnosed with depression for around a year, who knows how long i was suffering before that, and i was hitting my lowest. it was abt 2 weeks after new years and on new years eve, i was planning on ending it bc i couldn't fathom dealing with it for another year. another year of feeling nothing or everything all at once. but my mom had called me downstairs to go to a new years party, so i didn't go through with it. abt 2 weeks later, i had seen my therapist again, and i was deflecting hard core, and she saw it, and she sent me to the ER. i was evaluated all night, but i wasn't kept for observation since i told the nurse that the thoughts had passed. i was taken out of school and put in an outpatient program where id have group for 4 hours and school for 2. every morning for abt a month, i would get picked up at my house in a minivan and id have a good 20-25+ min drive to program.

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every. single. morning. on the van, i would read tfc. every morning. i was going through, what i thought to be the worst time of my life (i now know that it in fact DID get worse and now we're going on a new level of bad, but then it was the worst id experienced) every morning i was reading about neil and him running from his father, something ive wanted to do for years. reading about andrew struggling with depression and self harm like i am and despising most touches bc of people in his life that ruined it, similar to how someone ruined it for me and doesn't understand that "no" means "no". reading about nicky learning to love and accept himself for being gay, for being who he is like ive been trying to accept myself being a queer ace trans boy. reading about kevin trying to cope with his anxiety, even if it's in an unhealthy way, the same way i do. reading about renee growing up one way and wanting to become a better person, something that i want to do every day. reading abt matt overcoming his addiction and loving his friends with his whole heart. reading about dan standing up for herself and being proud of who she is. reading abt allison cutting away the people in her life who wanted to hold her back. reading about aaron and andrew work through their differences to try and salvage their relationship. reading about neil taking his life back and living it the way he wants, on his terms, like i so badly crave to do. reading about neil and andrew finding a respectful and loving relationship, one where all boundaries are respected, not crossed, where there is comfort in being together and a certain understanding on a level that others could never wrap their mind around. the kind of relationship that i have always, always, yearned for, where i feel safe and loved and respected.

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these books taught me not only to die for the ones i love or kill for them, but to live for them, and to me, that is a much more daunting and difficult task.

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All For the Game gave me hope, something i never thought id have again. it gave me hope for tomorrow. and the day after that. and a month after that. and it gives me hope that one day, i will get away from my father, i will be comfortable with who i am and love myself for it, i will find ways to cope with my anxiety properly, i will be proud of the person i have become, i will have friends who i love and who love me, i will stand up for myself and be proud to be the person ive become, i will surround myself with good people and cut away those who treat me wrong and hold me back, i will work to repair and maintain good relationships.

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it gives me hope that i will finally break away from the pain and start to live my life the way i want, as the person i was meant to be, the way i was meant to live my life.

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it gives me hope that i will overcome my depression, that i will find the strength to stop harming myself to cope, that i will find the strength to push through, even after ive been given every reason to just give up.

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it gives me hope that one day, i will find a person who will love me for who i am, love me despite my past and the scars i carry, love me in a way that i'll never be able to explain or understand. that i will find someone who respects my boundaries, who asks "yes or no?" before touching me, who respects if i say "no" and still fucking loves me regardless. someone who can feel like they can be completely themself around me, and that i can feel the same around them. someone who will fall in love with me a little more every day. someone who i'll fall in love with a little more every day.

·

it gives me hope that one day, hopefully someday soon—but i think im willing to wait—i will be happy.

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All For the Game quite literally changed to course of my life, and i can say with confidence that without it, i would not be here right now.

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people say that books and shows and movies change there life all the time, but i know that i wouldn't be here without it. these books saved my fucking life. i wouldn't have experienced those mornings, walking into program with a goofy smile on my face, practically vibrating with what i now know was joy, blabbing to every person i ran into that morning abt a boy with scars and a sharp tongue on the run and the small, depressed and angry blond who told him to stay. or nights when i sobbed and sobbed for those boys who deserved better. and i wouldn't have gotten black armbands to cover my scars and match with my two biggest inspirations. or when i have a bad impulsive thought, i wouldnt have a voice in the back of my head going "what would andrew say? what would neil say?" and the vivid image of the small blond giving me a stare, face carefully blank, yet eyes swimming with a mix between disapproval and hope, and the boy covered in scars tentatively giving me a hug, a bit awkward at first, but he's a lovely hugger and eventually, awkwardness turns into comfort. without it, i don't think id know what pure, honest love is supposed to look like.

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sorry, i suppose this got quite a bit off track from what got me into aftg, but once i started writing, i couldn't stop.

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TLDR; i saw fanart on pinterest, DONT REPOST ART WITHOUT PERMISSION, and my life was saved and changed for the better by a book that i stumbled upon, purely by chance.

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i don't believe in fate, but i do think that i found these books for a reason, and that my life changed because of it. i suppose you could call it the butterfly effect.

[lovebunnie]

fr the poem questions: all of them >: )c

jared... only for you...

the tyger – are you a taker of calculated risks or do you enjoy playing with fire? would you rather ask for permission or forgiveness?

i am a major rule follower, i am not at all adventurous and i like to stay in my comfort zone. my life is a mix of staying true to my comfort zone and doing what I feel is right, first instinct. 

i carry your heart with me – do you believe in fate? what’s your secret to living a good life?

i tend to not believe in fate, it tends to make people not take responsibility for their actions and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth; predestination takes away humility from us. and i wouldnt say that im currently living a good life, its getting there but more often then not i would not describe my days as ‘happy’, more so just another day. but to make a day not outwardly bad, i firmly believe in having a really good breakfast in the morning and taking a shower at night. both of those really make my days better.

i wandered lonely as a cloud – what does nature mean to you? where do you feel most at peace?

nature for me is what comes to us instinctively and what we turn to for comfort in trying times. i feel the most at peace either at summer camp or in my bedroom with my cat :3

blackberrying – what were your early years like? do you miss being a child?

my early years were very happy, i was a very happy and funloving child. it was a time where i wasnt told about any of my family drama so i lived in blissful ignorance. i definitely miss being a child, all the way up to about 7th grade. its just been downhill from 8th grade and on.

ode to a nightingale – how do you feel about your own mortality? do you believe in life after death?

my mortality is something of a burden i carry with me everyday, a reminder that every minute is precious and this is the only life i get, i have one shot to not fuck it up. i dont believe in the afterlife, the concept of death is something that if i think too hard about then itll fuck me up.

hope is the thing with feathers – what gives you hope? what would you tell your 10-year-old self?

hope comes from those news stories about good news, like charity donation goals being hit and remembered anniversaries and flower bouquets in public, there is good in the world and sometimes its hard to find but its always there. to my 10 year old self, i would tell her to not hold too tightly to those around you, and that life constantly changes so dont get too attached or comfortable because itll prevent you from growing in the future.

the road not taken – do you find it hard to make decisions? what regrets do you have?

its really hard to make decisions because i always assume that my ideas are wrong or bad so if someone else takes the lead, i cant be blamed. as far as regrets, i wish that in my past, i just put myself out there more. i couldve spent highschool actively seeking for possibilities instead of sulking and wishing they came to me. they dont ever, you have to find them.

still i rise – what's your relationship with yourself like? what are your best qualities?

i have a bad relationship to myself; if i admire one trait about myself, the other traits must be less than. for example, if i think i look nice one day, then i remember abt my grades or my writing and how much i hate both of those. i can never be fully at peace, it will never be enough to sate my psyche. my ‘best’ qualities depend on the day, right now i think i have nice eyelashes.

howl – can you express yourself freely? do you feel smothered by societal norms?

i struggle everyday to be my genuine self. its not so much societal norms but my own mind; i want to look nice but i dont want to attract too much attention. i want to be remembered but not for how good my ass looks or whatever. my biggest fear is that people see me as something desirable but only sexually so i want to dress how i feel but i cant because im terrified of the gaze of men on my campus.

the raven – are you in touch with your feelings? how would you describe the relationship between emotions & rationality?

im extremely in touch with my feelings. i can acknowledge when i am angry or sad or happy, even if i dont know why. i allow myself to feel my feelings and then let them pass, i hate bottling those things up. between emotions and rationality, i use my emotions 9 times out of 10. i ask myself, ‘what do i want?’ and the first thing i come up with, i know is what i truly want to do. 

sonnet 116 – how do you define love? what qualities do you look for in a significant other?

i think love is everything; its the warmth of hanging out with familiar people, its when people remember facts about you, its a meaningful hug and its ‘this reminded me of you’. its different for everyone but i feel love in everything i do. in a significant other, the biggest thing is being able to make me laugh, if youre funny than im sold.

to autumn – what's your favorite season and why? what cherished memories do you associate with that season?

my favorite season is winter because it has lots of holiday warmth, good food, pleasant childhood memories, and comfortable clothing. also i love snow. i have very vivid memories of a blizzard in maryland when i was 11(?) years old, my neighbor tied a sled to the back of his ATV and dragged us around the cul de sac, it was so much fun!!

the waste land – do you like big cities? if you could choose any place on earth, where would you settle down?

i love big cities, they evoke so many feelings of love and the atmosphere being surrounded by people makes me so happy! if i could live anywhere, i think it would be san francisco, i love the city and the weather and the public transportation!!

o captain! my captain! – what are your aspirations in life? what motivates you?

in life, i want to give a tedtalk. i would also love to publish a book but i dont like what i write so if i ever did, id end up hating the book anyway in a year or so. i want to teach people the joy of public speaking and i want to give kids the joys i had given to me by my teacher when i was their age. my motivation comes from, this has to be done and if no one else will do it, it might as well be me. i have the passion and everything else will follow after that.

she walks in beauty – what's your aesthetic? how would you describe the relationship between inner goodness & outer beauty?

id describe my aesthetic as lovecore, i love the color pink and red and hearts and flowers and teddy bears and dresses and sparkles and valentines day and i love everything stereotypically ‘cute’. and i feel there is no outer beauty without inner goodness, if someone has bad intentions or a rotten core, their outward appearance will reflect.

one art – how do you deal with loss? do you write diary entries, poetry or prose?

thankfully i have not had to go through tremendous loss in my life but when i feel an emotional loss or general low point, i tend to move towards art, aimless doodling to take my mind off of situations. it centers me.

work, sometimes – how does your favorite weather make you feel? what is happiness to you?

my favorite weather makes me feel SO happy, all smiley and giddy and like things are going to be okay, just for one day, i will make this a good one. happiness to me is comfort and joy, its something that makes you laugh until your sides hurt and its art that you look at and feel. happiness isnt a huge moment, its little moments scattered throughout the days.

acquainted with the night – do you think there's such thing as the right time? what’s your outlook on the world?

no, i dont like to set things off for the thought of there being a right and wrong time. time isnt real and we only have so long on earth so there is no time but the present. go get that tattoo, ask them out, eat that snack. my outlook on the world is that there is a lot of bad shit but there is also a lot of good shit you will never see but it important nonetheless. you cant change the world in a day so you might as well take it one day at a time, working everyday to make it as good as possible.

if – do you daydream a lot? are you volatile, or do you stay calm when conflicts arise?

i love to day dream, it helps me determine what i really want and its a lovely distraction when the goings get tough. i try to avoid conflicts in every situation possible but if i were pushed, id either accept my mistake and apologize and work towards a better future; or i would tell the other person how im feeling and what i can do to help them feel better.

what would i give? – do you cry often? if you could change anything about your past, what would it be?

things make me sad but rarely enough to cry, things more so tend to weigh me down then break me. i let the sadness take me however it sees fit. and if thats to cry, so be it. if i could change anything about my past, i would just say that you will only get this chance to start over in a new state once, the years will go by quick so to TAKE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY SHOW THEM SELF TO YOU!!!!!!