rawtendrils

[edgyh3dgy]

ohmygod I was going to post some of my art and i get all ready to do a massive doodle dump AND THEN THE QUALITY IS SOOOO BADDD

I didnt know my resolution on clip studio had to be so HIGH in order to get decent quality 😭

anyways im just gonna put this zukka drawing here…even tho its like 420hp 💀

HELPP ITS SOO BAD IM CAKCLINF

[lucrativesoul]

Welcome Home

summary: you finally graduated college and are home free for the summer, planning to spend as much time as possible with your best friend. what you weren't planning for, however, was the incredible sight of her older brother, Leon, who had drastically changed after all those years. you had never thought you would fall for your best friend's brother.

pairing: leon kennedy (re2) x fem! reader

word count: 9.3k

warnings: smut, bathroom sex, public sex, fingering, dom(ish) leon

a/n: guys, thank you endlessly for 300+ followers, 250+ reblogs and all those likes! i'd like you all to take a moment to read this, apologies... i absolutely love writing. I've been writing for ten years! crazy. i do it for fun, and because i want to put out the content that i want to consume and i want to be that outlet for people who don't write but want to consume, that is just as fair! a while ago, while writing this, my laptop gave me a scare. i'm realizing now that its a 5 year old macbook, which, in apple timeline, means it might be on the way out at the blink of an eye. if you are feeling generous at all, i have created a ko-fi. it is absolutely not necessary, because i'm not doing this blog for money, but if you really love my work and want other ways to support me, it's there. i will never be upset at no donations, but i made it in hopes that i'm on this blog for a long time. so sorry for the rambling, i really hope you guys enjoy this one, and i will be back soon for a fifth fic. love u!

No matter how many young adult fiction books you read, how many love story tropes you think you have seen, there was just one that seemed so unreasonable, it was almost laughable. Because, after all, you spent way too much time with this person to ever even see him as attractive, it had never even crossed your mind. Come on, your best friend’s brother? The boy who was so ungracious, messy, impolite, and had a crude, childish sense of humor? It was just unrealistic.

Until… It was realistic.

For all your life, you looked at Leon Kennedy as the young, bumbling boy who tripped over his own two feet at any given opportunity, ready to make jokes at inappropriate times and constantly worked overtime to barge in when you and your best friend were hanging out. He was only two years older than you, but his personality read the same age, if not, younger. Boys will be boys…

You always knew that college would change a person, and you can’t deny that about yourself, but it was so hard to look at the people you were closest to and imagine that they, too, changed with college. Your best friend was still the same person you knew since middle school, and all those years that you knew Leon, he had never changed, until he left for college himself. You were confident in knowing that when he came back, he would be the same exact person, just… older.

You could not have been more wrong.

“These days could not go by any faster.” Your best friend whined to you over the phone, a daily routine between the two of you. “I need you home ASAP, Leon is driving me crazy. He’s being so loud.”

Yep, that sounded pretty in character for him. “I know, just five more days, and I’m home free, forever. I wish commencement wasn’t even happening at this rate, I’m wasting away here.”

You were finishing up your last days as a college senior at a school that was a thousand miles away from home. The scholarship opportunity was incredible, and you could not say no to this offer. Your best friend chose to stay local, which you inwardly criticized, but would never say to her. You knew her parents could have afforded to send her here, who needs that big of a house for a family of four anyway?!

Commencement was set to happen on Thursday, and it was currently Sunday. Your own parents had flown in to watch you walk the stage, and while you knew your best friend would have dropped everything to come as well, her school chose to hold theirs on the same exact day. Figures.

“I miss you guys. The summers I came home just weren't enough. I have to say, I’m so glad this internship bullshit is over. It feels like I haven’t ever even lived with you.”

You heard her groan on the other line. “I know! It’s so stupid. Why would a program even make it so you could only intern in the summer? Don't they know you are only in your twenties once?!”

You laughed at her remark, gazing off as you continued the conversation. Classes were over and exams were concluded, at least you had a healthy pile of books to go through to pass the time. You decided to worry about the logistics of taking them home at a later date.

There’s something so innocent about getting lost in the world of young adult romance. Some would say it makes their own lives dreary, coming to the conclusion that they could never live out these fantasies in the real world, but to you, it felt real anyways. It only made you happier. It puts some optimism in your life.

The comfy plane read you chose was about a high school girl, absolutely smitten over the five-years-older brother of her best friend. This type of thing, you thought, just seemed too… fairytale, to be real. In no world where you knew someone as a child could you grow up and think they were an object of fantasy. You tried picturing you and Leon in this situation. Never!

Admittedly, you haven’t seen Leon in like 4 years. The last time you saw him, it was right before you left for college, and your major requires summer internships which leave a very small window for home visits. You never crossed paths during those times. From what your friend tells you, he’s rarely home now, he must have migrated to a new group of friends in college and found other passions. Good for him, you thought, you wish you could say the same, but you needed the income from whatever job you landed from your internship.

He was never really a tiny boy in high school, he was of a pretty average build and rivaled some of the football players, but he was not an athletic kid. You can’t imagine him changing that much more, your best friend never talked about him like that, obviously, so, you only had to imagine after the last time you saw him.

From your own personal standpoint, it was just impossible to believe in this best friend’s brother trope. You shut the book and closed your eyes, willing the plane to start moving faster.

As soon as your plane touched down, you whipped your phone out to send a text: As soon as all this shit is put away, I’m coming straight over.

Predictably, less than three minutes later: YES!! All nighter, we’re 14 again. I have drinks in the fridge.

Willing yourself through all the pleasantries of coming home, promising other relatives you would be by in a few days when you are settled, you merely threw your suitcase down into your room before dashing out to your car, knowing the route to your best friend’s house even with your eyes closed. 

A tight, running start hug was the intro you both needed as a fresh start to the summer.

“Please tell me you are home for good now, they aren't making you do any more summer internships?”

You laughed as you followed her into the house. It felt like it’s been forever since you’ve been in this large house’s lived-in walls. “No, thank god. I’m officially done. Except for job hunting, but I’m putting that off for as long as I can get away with it.”

“Agreed.”

As you followed her up the steps to her room, snacks and drinks spilling over your arms, a loud cacophony rang out through the house, coming from the garage. “What the hell is that?” You stopped short, listening to it through the closed door.

“Wow, that’s how I really know it’s been forever since you’ve been here. I’m so used to it now. It’s a band that Leon is a part of. The ‘rents loaned out a car space in the garage.”

Wow, you thought, multiple things to dissect here. One: this has been going on for some time now, and you never knew. You didn’t blame your friend for not bringing it up, it wasn’t weird to not mention a new hobby of her brother’s. Two: Leon apparently knew how to play an instrument. You couldn’t recall anytime seeing him play anything, and he had never expressed an interest in singing, so that was difficult to digest. Three: their parents would give up a car space just for them to do this. They still had two car spaces left in there.

“God, it’s really been that long, huh? I’ll have to get him to spill all about this whenever he comes out.”

You heard a groan from in front of you on the stairs, and you hopped up to be beside her, headed to her bedroom. “If you can even catch him. He’s like a slippery snake. Plus, he’s so private, I don't know what happened to him. Anyway, you should come over tomorrow night and pregame with me and the girls, cause…” 

She droned on, and while you still had half of your brain paying attention to her, you couldn’t help but think about that sentence she just said. Leon’s different now? The slippery snake part didn’t make many waves, you weren’t surprised that a man in his mid twenties didn’t want to be bothered, but you didn’t expect a whole new personality to come out of him. What happened while he was gone? Or, what kind of epiphany did he have?

“Oh, my god, look at this, too. I totally forgot to send you this. I’m so mad you missed it!”

Your best friend shoved a phone in your face, and you took it, grateful for the mental topic switch. It was a group of four girls and five boys, your old friends, standing along a cliffside in bathing suits. You assumed this was the cliff jumping extravaganza you heard about over the phone a couple weeks ago. And, yes, you were also mad you missed it.

“This looked like so much fun, I haven't seen all of them in forever. Maybe we can convince everyone to do it again soon.” You looked up and smiled as your friend laughed. You looked back down to the photo. “Who is this?”

She leaned over you as you zoomed in on a man in the top right, his lower half covered by a girl bending forward for a photo, but you could tell he was incredibly toned. His hair was pushed back with water from the lake below, and a broad smile graced his features. You sensed familiarity, but you had never met this person before.

Your friend scoffs. “Girl, what? That’s Leon.”

“What?!” Has it really been that long since you’ve seen Leon in person? Now that you look at it again, yep, that’s definitely him, but why does he look so different? Thinking back, it wasn’t often you spent time with him around after he graduated high school and went to college. You saw him probably even less than you visited home during your college career, and honestly, it has probably been years since you’ve seen him at all. “He looks so… different.”

“Like I said, I don’t know what happened. Maybe he won’t recognize you either.” You handed her phone back to her. Maybe, you wondered, but you doubted it. Nothing about you changed at all. You woke up every day waiting for a magical overnight nose job and five month glute progress from the gym that you didn’t go to, but it never happened. 

The night carried on, the strange questions about Leon’s college whereabouts pushed to the back of your mind. It felt so good to be back home. The summer was only just getting started, and with the buzz running through your system, you couldn't feel anything except excitement.

“I’m out of water, fuckkk,” You moaned. Your friend giggled at you. 

“Go get some. And don’t fall.” If you were any more sober you would have glared at her for this, reminding you of the time you drunkenly took a tumble down her stairs, but right now, it was only a funny memory as you totally didn’t have an iron grip on the railing as you walked down.

The rest of the house was dark and quiet now. You remembered her saying her parents were somewhere else, so you hadn’t seen them at all tonight, and there was no longer heavy music coming from the garage. You instinctively turned your head that way, like it would magically start up again.

You stumbled over to the refrigerator, yanking it open and hearing all the bottles clink around on the door. It took you a second to collect your bearings, but after a few more seconds, water was located, and you let your eyes readjust to the darkness as you shut the door. A figure in the darkness made you yelp.

“Goddamnit, you scared me!” You placed a hand over your beating heart.

A deep laugh floated through the air at this, but you were still partially blinded. “Hey, you. I’m sorry, I thought you were my sister.”

Leon. 

You blinked hard a few times, willing the night vision to return, and a little bit of your drunkenness away. You took a hard look at the man in front of you, as good of a look as you could. You only saw a silhouette, a dark shirt, hair over his forehead, and he was taller than you, wider, stronger. This was not the Leon you remember from high school.

“Leon. It’s so nice to see you.” You tried your hardest to sound normal, but surely he already knew what the two of you were up to.

“Yeah, it’s been a while.” Slowly, your vision was returning, and his facial features were becoming prominent. Eyes. Mouth. Smile. “Congratulations on graduating, back home for good now?” 

“Yeah, yes. Thank god. Thank you.” You could now tell you were fumbling over your words, and suddenly wanting nothing more than to go back upstairs. “I’ll be here a lot more often now, so get used to me.” You walked around him back to the stairs, listening to that low chuckle that you got out of him. God, you really needed another drink.

The night and next day bore on with nothing too important left to remember about it, as long as you were in the confort of your home town again getting fucked up with nowhere to be, it was a great time as far as you were concerned. 

Though, despite continuing to drink that night and waking up a little unsteady the next morning, you couldn’t shake that brief encounter you had with Leon. You could barely see him in the dark, but you could already tell he looked different. His build was wider than the last time you saw it, he even looked a little taller. He had only ever been maybe an inch above you, but since he disappeared to college, it looked like he went up at least five. Or maybe you were shrinking. 

You were mad it was so dark and you were on the edge of tipsy and drunk to be able to clearly see him. You saw him in the photo of the outing at the cliffside, but you really didn't want to believe that was him. He was almost… sexy.

Which was crazy. You had never thought of Leon like that. Yes, there was some sort of novelty to having a crush on the only consistent older man in your life whom you weren’t related to, but whenever you came face to face with him, it was just normal. You felt nothing, he was just there. 

But this… this could change everything. Was he actually attractive now? God knows you weren’t the best at being normal around people who you thought were attractive, and that could make things infinitely awkward with being around your best friend so often. And your best friend, what would she even think? You can’t confide in her to tell her you might think her older brother is hot. This was all messed up. This is not how you wanted summer to start.

–

A few days had passed with no rift, and your momentary crisis left with no memory. You discovered, though, as much as you couldn’t wait for summer to roll around so you could be free of your duties, your days were much more boring than you had anticipated. With your past summer internships, you were always busy, and had one or two days a week to rest at most. But now, with the summer sun high in the sky and no requirements of you anymore, you were at a loss of anything to do other than sit by your best friend’s pool, baking in the heat.

“They’re having some start-of-summer party going on in one of the campus houses tonight, are we down?”

You didn’t move your head nor open your eyes as your friend spoke to you. “Yeah, sure. It will be more of a time than drinking with just us.”

She sighed. “You can say that again.”

You pushed yourself up off the chair. “I’ll be back, don’t drown.”

You listened to her sarcastic response as you went inside the house, needing a moment to cool down, and to refill your drink. As you slid the glass door shut, you were greeted with the sound of loud instruments, reminding you of the first night you came here once returning from school. Leon must have had his bandmates come over some time while the both of you were outside, as you don’t remember hearing this, or seeing anyone else. You ignored it, and stalked past the door, headed upstairs to the kitchen.

The music stopped, a door opened, and chatter became clearer without the barrier. You didn’t know who else Leon could have here, you didn’t know his friends, and you were suddenly too aware of the bikini you had on. Whatever, you soothed your anxiety, I look good.

“Oh, hey.” You turned around at the strange voice, not recognizing the person standing at the stairway, headed towards the kitchen. “Now it’s a party.”

“Dude, gross.” A more familiar voice followed quickly behind the quip, and Leon’s head became visible as he climbed the stairs. “Sorry.” He spoke now to you, visibly doing his best to keep eye contact with you. Now you could really feel your half-nakedness. 

“Doesn’t sound like you guys are making much progress out there.” You joked, turning your head back to where you were filling your water bottle. You heard Leon’s friend laugh, making a remark along the lines of blaming other people in the band, but you unintentionally tuned him out.

“We’re trying.” Leon was closer to you now, and when you turned, his friend had disappeared, probably into the bathroom. Leon was grabbing drinks from the fridge, and the two of you were separated by the kitchen island, sunlight illuminating both of you.

His hair was a shade darker than you remembered it being, still blonde, but almost brown. It came down to touch his ears, and the pieces of bangs on his forehead were clumped together with sweat. He had on a gray tank, the ones with the arm holes that go down to your ribcage. His arms, god, those arms–

“Doing anything fun out there?” He walked around the island, even closer to you now, getting cups from the cabinets. 

You shook your head. “Just trying to become a leather couch while I’m still young.” You fixed the top of your water bottle back on, but didn’t move from your spot, taking the chance to talk to Leon.

“That’s the spirit.” He placed the cups down on the counter and leaned on it, clearly standing around to talk to you, too. You noticed a bandage wrapped around his right hand as he crossed his arms.

“What happened there? Start scrapping with the wrong people?” 

He lifted it and looked at it, like he just realized it was there. He laughed softly. “This might sound gross, but it's just a callus that burst open the other day. Right when I was used to holding drumsticks all the time.”

You sighed a gentle laugh. “Doesn’t that hurt, still using it?”

He shook his head. “Nah, I just didn’t want to start touching shit and get it all gross again.” He set his hand back down. You took the silence to ask another question. 

“When did the drums start? That was never a thing as far as I can remember.” He looked down, slowly nodding his head, as if trying to piece together memories of what his life was like the last time he saw you.

He sighed. “I kind of picked it up during college. I thought it was a lot of fun. I knew a lot of guys at the time who were in a bunch of different bands, so they had access to all these instruments, and I tried a bunch, but the only one that stuck was drums. I guess it’s easy and I like it only because I still can’t read sheet music for the life of me.”

You smiled softly at his explanation. Looking at him in the daylight, now, you can see the old him in his features. He grew into his face, his cheekbones slightly more pronounced, and his dimpled chin fitting perfectly into his jawline. His eyes were soft, yet tired. Still the bright blue you remember them being.

“Are you any good?”

He smiled fully at this, looking back up to you. “Of course. I know it sounds like ass right now, but we’re trying out some new stuff. But, and maybe I’m just biased, I think we have some really solid potential.”

You shrugged, a grin still present on your face. “I’ll have to see it to believe it.”

Leon stood up now, grabbing the cups and the still tied together 6-pack. “I agree. We’re doing a local show next Wednesday night. I’m always inviting my sister, but she doesn’t like going alone, and the rest of your friends don’t like that bar.” You smiled at this. Sounds typical of your friends. “Maybe she will come if you will. And, uh, if you’re still with that guy, he can come, too.”

Your brow furrowed at this. “Guy?”

Leon shrugged. “Oh, well, she told me in passing that you were with some guy last summer. From around here.”

You paused to think about this, nearly forgetting your whole past trying to rake your brain for a memory. It then hit you. “Oh, shit, yeah, that was definitely just a summer thing. He was…” A douche, conceited, horrible at sex. “Not the best. I’m not seeing anybody. And definitely not while school was in. I was way too busy for that.” 

He nodded, standing up a little straighter. “Well, that’s good. And fuck that guy.” You giggled at his support. “I think you should come. I’d be happy to see you there.”

And, oddly, for the first time ever speaking with Leon, your stomach did a flip that only ever happened when you were talking to someone whom you liked. It caught you off guard, and your words caught on your throat.

You nodded quickly, using the opportunity to take a deep breath in. “Yeah, I’ll be there. I’ve got the time to, now.”

“Cool. I won’t disappoint, I promise.” With that, Leon bounded back across the room and down the stairs, opening and shutting the door to the garage. You sighed deeply. You didn’t like the feeling that was creeping up inside of you.

Putting your newfound conundrum aside for the night, you resolved to let loose and get back to enjoying the summer the way you had intended to. You were almost tempted to stick around and listen once his band got started with the music again as you were on your way outside, but decided against it, as your friend would surely be asking what took so long. 

Part of you wished Leon had gone to this little party tonight, considering he knew all of your mutual friends, but he was never the party type before this, and it seemed that college did not change that much either. It would make sense if he had a gig coming up, they must be preparing, but you didn’t picture him to be much of a perfectionist. Maybe that changed as well.

–

“Why are we going to this again?” Your friend asked as she followed you out of her house, locking the door behind her. She seemed awfully quick to keep up with you for complaining about doing something she doesn't want to.

“I don’t know, it gives us something to do. Leon asked me to come. Now you’re coming with me.”

“What? Why did Leon ask you to come? He doesn't ask me.” The two of you slid into her sleek black coupe. 

You shrugged as you fastened the belt. “I saw him the other day when I was here, I came in while we were out by the pool. We were just talking. And he said he does invite you, by the way, but you never go.”

She was the one to shrug this time. “Maybe he does. You think there will be hot men here?”

“We’re both hoping.” You half-assed the response, but you already knew the answer was yes. You could never tell her you think Leon is attractive now. You had been mulling it over the past few days, ever since you spoke to him, and you had no choice but to confirm it. He really, really grew into his body. You could even push the curiosity aside to wonder what it was about college that changed him like that, you were just thankful it happened.

Your local bar looked just as you remembered, dark and looming from the outside, people filing in and out simultaneously. It was much busier than you had ever seen it, but the show was most likely the reason for the sudden influx in customers.

The crowd was a thick mass, and you had trouble even spotting the stage when you walked in, but once you and your friend had found a nice little corner, vacant of bodies, and conveniently found a third mutual friend to stand by, the room seemed a little less stuffy.

You absentmindedly scanned the crowd, people hoarding in front of the stage, waiting to be the first to break open the mosh pit, presumably, people in the back drinking idly and chatting, almost like they don't even know a show is happening this night. You found yourself looking for Leon. He was in the building somewhere. You wished you could have told him you were there, but what good would that have done? He wouldn’t have come out to say hello, there were preparations to be had back there.

God, shut up already, you willed at yourself, annoyed at the mere fact that you couldn’t stop thinking of Leon.

Admittedly, you thought of that first scene more often than not recently. The muscle shirt, ribcage exposed, thick arms, sweet smile and bouncy cheeks with a strong jawline, the vision came to you during the day, at breakfast, while you were scrolling your phone, late at night, when the moon was your only company. 

You wondered what he would look like tonight. You were so anxious for him to step out on stage. Would he see you?

Your friend stumbled sideways into you, knocking you out of your monetary stupor. People were now starting to crowd in, hence the bump, and you were assuming the start of the set was about to happen.

On cue, the lights went darker, the roar of the crowd exploded, and people rushed on stage and took their places. Your eyes were instantly drawn to Leon, who, from what you could only see from the backlight so far, had on another muscle shirt. It made your legs feel like jelly.

The lights went on, and after a brief introduction from the front man who was holding a guitar, they started. Leon was right, they were pretty good when they weren’t rehearsing new material. You knew this wasn’t the type of music your best friend was into, but to your surprise, she was bopping away with your other mutual friend, both of them holding drinks. That’s probably why.

Turning back, you could see Leon clearly under the lights now, which were strobing in and out, flashing different colors and patterns. His hair was pushed back this time, exposing his forehead, and looking brand new. You liked the way it looked on him, it made him almost look older. Everytime a strong beam of light would shine down on him, you could see the glistening sweat on his skin, his face. He was so focused on hitting the beats, and succeeded everytime, and you were so enticed by it.

This was a side of Leon you never thought you would see. It was so clear, standing in the crowd watching, how much he belonged up there. He looked so confident, every move was made with ease, no hesitation, and you could feel yourself melting.

It was like a headrush, you didn’t think you would enjoy it this much, but clearly, every moment took your breath away. Yes, you were looking at Leon the whole time, but who could really tell?

Soon enough, the show ended, and the crowd was applauding for what felt like ten minutes as the individual members left the stage, thanked everyone, hopped down to talk to others. You were interrupted with your people-watching when your friend grabbed you by the elbow to let you know she was headed back to the bar for more drinks, and you absentmindedly nodded while you turned back.

You caught the back of Leon, dipping behind the stage into the back of the bar. The tips of your fingers tingled with… something, some emotion you couldn’t read… and you let your body take over as you weaved through the crowd, headed to the back.

People bumped you and yelled in your ears as you squeezed in between them, paying them no mind, on a mission of your own.

After a few seconds, you reached a hallway, a few people lingering by the bathrooms, and you spotted someone, you recognized him as the frontman, dipping behind another doorway, chattering loudly to people behind the wall. Times like this, you wished you had decided to down some liquid courage.

You stalked slowly over to the doorway, seeing flashes of shadow as people walked by, unsure if you should hang out or go in. Most likely, you weren’t welcome, it was probably for performers only, but you couldn’t help it, you continued inching closer, drawn in by an unseen force.

As you took another step inward, a figure rushed out and crashed right into you. 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, bathrooms are that way if you’re looking for them, this is restricted access.” You looked up at the man you walked into, you didn’t know who it was. 

“Oh, um…” You backed up a step, and though he was making moves to walk around you, he was waiting for a response. “I was actually waiting for Leon… the drummer.” You added in the title, just in case this was a man who worked at the bar with no affiliation to the band. But, to your relief, he nodded.

“I’ll get him, just chill over there, ‘kay?”

You dumbly nodded and backed up again. The hallway was lit with fluorescents, the bright white kind, but it was still dark, with the walls and floors looking slick with condensation. You opted not to lean up against them.

“Hey, you’re still here?” A voice snapped your head back over to your left, and you saw Leon walking towards you. “You didn’t leave with the rest of them?” He must have seen your other friend there as well.

You shook your head. “They’re still here, I think. Just getting drinks.” He nodded. “I told you I would come.” You held your arms out in a here I am gesture. He laughed.

“I’m so glad. I didn’t see you while I was up there, but… I do tend to just tune everything else out when I play.”

“You did great. You were really good.” You spoke, almost breathless for no apparent reason. 

He smiled softly, his eyes holding contact with yours. “Thank you.” His hair was now starting to fall back into place on his forehead, his face was still red with exerted energy. Your eyes wandered, without your permission, his arms were shining under the hallway lights, still sweaty. You looked away, but he saw. “You look great tonight.” His voice was low, and a twist went straight down your abdomen.

You smiled back. You briefly looked down at your outfit, simply a short skirt and loose band tee. “Thank you. It’s nothing.” 

“I like it.” He looked back into your eyes, and you found yourself lost for words. He broke eye contact for a second, turned around and looked into the back room where, presumably, the rest of his bandmates were. He turned back to you. “You know,” He looked down, and took a step forward towards you, slowly, as if to test the waters. You stayed put. “It’s been so long since I saw you last. I almost didn’t recognize you the first night you were at the house.” You grinned at the memory. You were also equally stunned to not know Leon had changed so much. “Not that you weren’t before but… You’re beautiful, now.” 

Your stomach sank at his words, and with his new proximity to you, it caused you to have to look up at him. You felt a strong shiver course up your body.

“I really… I didn’t recognize you. You look so different, too.” You whispered, knowing he was close enough to hear you. “I didn’t even think it was you at first.”

He simply stared at you for a few more moments, taking in your words, and the way you looked in front of him right now. You were suddenly self conscious, but his gaze seemed to tell you that he liked whatever he saw.

“I… don’t want to back you into any corners here…” He looked down, still not meeting your eyes. “But you’re giving me a… vibe. And I’d rather fuck around and find out than never know if I don’t try.”

You stood up straighter, coming closer to meet his face, his eyes finally touching back onto yours. “What kind of vibe?” You had to say something, anything, because you could barely comprehend this situation right now. Leon was catching a vibe from you? Could he tell that you were looking at his body? Could he tell that you thought he became very sexy?

He tilted his head a little further, and his brow bone cast a shadow over his eyes, darkening them. Another shiver down your body. He shrugged. “I think I just… think you are incredibly attractive, now.” His eyes darted down your body for a quick second before resuming their previous place. “And I want to know if you want to just try it out. Just once.”

You took a quick, silent breath in. He must have been picking up your messages, even though you said nothing and only spoke to him once. Was that one conversation that powerful? Was it the hint you dropped about not being with that guy anymore? Was this something he just knew he was going to attempt as soon as he saw you? You didn’t know, and you really didn’t have the time to think it over.

You reached up and placed a hand on his chest, slowly taking the shirt on his body in your hands, pulling him closer, but with no force. His eyes darted up behind you, and he turned his head quickly one more time. He saved you the trouble, and dipped his head down and kissed you hard.

You sighed instantly, fully gripping his shirt and dragging him in closer to you, pushing your body against his as you could feel him move towards you at the same time. You were exploding, you didn’t know what to do with the rest of your body, and could only bring your other hand up to his bicep, where he then palmed your waist. He pulled back after a few seconds.

“Follow me,” His face was flushed, and when he turned around, you were very quick to follow. He maneuvered the two of you through the back room, where people still were congregating, but none of them paid much attention to the two of you. You passed by his other bandmates, and when he turned the corner, he pushed open a door, and ushered you inside. It was a bathroom. “This is the best I can do right now.”

Instead of replying, you simply grabbed his face in both hands and pulled him in. The room was dark, you could tell from under your eyelids as you felt the heat of his face on yours again, and you were at least happy for that, you weren’t too sure you wanted to see the state of the bar’s bathroom at this moment.

His hands found solace again on your waist, thumbs rubbing circles, and fingers teasing along the waistband of your skirt. Leon pressed himself further into you, sandwiching you in between him and the wall, and the stark difference in temperature between the two caused another series of shivers to run up your body.

Leon’s mouth left your lips, now wet and slick with his saliva and yours, and traced them down the length of your jaw, along your neck, nipping at the tender skin, making you sigh and arch your back, increasing the contact of your bodies. Your hands dragged along his sturdy shoulders, reaching around and locking your arms behind his neck, holding him in as he worked your neck, and as his hands started to move. You kept breathily gasping as he bit underneath your jawline, fingertips caressing your jutting hip bone, dipping lower, causing ripples to erupt in your core.

He had positioned his hands now to take purchase on the hem of your skirt, full intentions of pulling it up, when he released his lips from your neck and his face was back in front of yours. 

“Sorry that this is all we have.” His voice was low, and you almost didn't hear it over the static of the bar music softly coming in through the speakers. “We can wait if you want.”

His hand was still positioned on your clothing, and you didn’t let go of him even a little bit. You could only look up, your head already touching the wall behind you. “Where’s the thrill in that?”

Under his shadow, you saw his lips quirk up slightly, he breathed a laugh, and dove back in to kiss you. You threaded your fingers through his hair, slightly tugging, hearing him groan at the sensation. The hand that was ready to hike your skirt up did just that, and his other was gripping your thigh, lifting it higher so he could slide himself right in between. 

He made himself comfortable pressed against you, and you could feel his erection growing through his jeans, giving himself some sort of friction, and you pushed back, earning another groan through your still connected lips. You dropped one of your hands from his hair and traced down his bicep, and into the large hole of his shirt, relishing in every ridge that his ribcage and abdomen had to offer. His skin was so smooth, you knew you would never be able to get enough.

He backed away from the kiss briefly for another moment. “If I never saw you that day you came inside, half naked… in my house looking like that…” He continued to grind himself into you as he spoke, earning noises from the both of you. “Who knows how long I would have to wait?” The hand on your thigh crept upward, leaving a wake of shivers in its path. His palm was flush to your bare skin, reaching the joint of your thigh and hip, and he squeezed the flesh of your hip, digging his thumb into the sweet spot, making you squirm. You clawed at his back, you didn’t even care if it hurt him. You were sure it didn’t.

Leon hovered his mouth over yours, not connecting, but enticing you, and you could only look up at him through a foggy gaze. His hair had now fallen back over his forehead, streaked with sweat, but you hardly minded the way it was touching yours, you wanted him closer. It was impossible how, through the shadow he cast from the light behind him, you could see his blue eyes so clearly, pupils blown, the way he was looking at you made you want to drop dead.

You couldn’t wait any longer, you didn’t even have words to say back to him, you just needed to show him what you thought, how you felt, you just needed him. Your hands came around the front of his body again, not losing contact the entire way, and grasped desperately at his belt, needing to pull out his girth, needing to have his cock in your hands, mouth, in you.

You gasped, trying to form words, but his presence was so dominating, you almost couldn’t. “Leon…” You breathed, and your fingers couldn’t work the clasp fast enough. “Let me…” Finally, it slid open, you pulled the two ends of the belt apart, and made quick work to free his dick from its constraints. Your knees buckled, and you started sliding down the wall.

As you were about to hit the ground, his hands hoisted you back up from under your arms, and you could have whined, the frustration growing, the time only growing in between you getting to have him in your mouth.

“No, I’m sorry,” He grunted as he pulled you up. He put both hands under your thighs, and you gasped as he suddenly picked you up, you wrapped your arms around his neck for balance. “You’re not getting on this floor for me, we’ll save that for another time.”

Another time. Fuck, just those words alone had you melting in his grasp, his strong hands and arms holding you up, walking you around the corner of the bathroom and shutting the two of you in a stall.

“But, you already started this for me, so,” He had you pressed in between himself and the wall once again, one of his arms was still holding you up in the air, legs wrapped around his torso. He tried to separate himself as much as he could to pull his cock out, you reached down in between the two of you to help him, pulling the waistband forward so he could pull them down.

Your breath caught as he pulled it out, a solid, thick length, rock hard, and you were suddenly so mad he wouldn’t let you suck it, because, fuck you would have sucked the life out of him at just the sight of his dick. 

Once he was free, he stroked himself a couple of times, causing himself to moan, and shit, you almost did, too, and he went back to the hem of your skirt, pushing it up over your hips, exposing your small underwear. He eyed them for a moment, humming in acceptance, before sliding them sideways and exposing your aching pussy to the cool air. You, in contrast, were overheating in this bathroom, but now that you were free, it felt so nice, and it felt even better when he ran his fingers along the length, in between your folds, pressing into your clit to watch you squirm again under him.

You sighed loudly, moans slipping out with your breathing as his contact with your heat felt like heaven, your head leaned back and hit the wall, but you didn’t care, you couldn’t feel it, you felt nothing but Leon’s fingers right now.

“Fuck, you’re so wet already,” He was breathing heavily, and you choked out a whimper when he slid one of his fingers in, and it wasn’t stopped with any friction. You also couldn’t believe how wet you were, but then again, you would jump hurdles to be able to suck his dick right here and now, so it must have gotten you worked up. “You feel so good around me.” He mumbled, practically groaned out, sliding in a second finger with ease, the slick sounds becoming louder as he worked you open, and while it felt so good, you just needed him to fuck you already.

“Leon…” You kept whining, unable to say anything else, mind fading, only wrapped around the feeling of him pleasuring you, fingering you, loosening you up for him. “Please, Leon…” You moved your hips, trying to signal to him to pull his fingers out, but he resisted, his hand following the movements of your hips, only going deeper, causing you to squeal when he went as far in as he could.

“Stay still, take it…” Now he pushed himself back against you, finding your lips again and kissing passionately, trapping his fingers inside you, and when you felt them move inside of you, you couldn’t help but squirm against him. His tongue caressed your lips, the inside of your mouth, and your tongue as he was so entwined in kissing you and in fingering you to the edge, his other hand gripping relentlessly at your ass.

After what felt like forever, he backed away, strings of saliva connecting your mouths, his eyes darker than ever, and you, breathing heavily, working to regain composure. He slid his fingers out, a small hiss escaping your lips with the emptiness.

“Fuck,” He sighed, and he looked back down in between you two. He adjusted his grip on your thigh and ass as he used his now free hand to line the tip of his cock up with your entrance, you felt a throb hit the core of your pussy at the mere sight, and you instinctively tightened when he teasingly dragged the tip along your lips, not giving you what he knew you wanted.

You sighed frustratingly, and couldn’t help it but to reach down and wrap your own hand around his dick. The sudden contact made him gasp, but he caught your hand and prevented you from piloting the moment.

“Just relax…” You didn’t need to look up to hear the smile painting his face, and as much as you wanted to protest, you knew he had the upper hand. This time. “You’ll get it, just be patient.” He drew a couple more lines into you, with your hand still trapped under his on his cock, which you could feel it throb every few seconds, and he finally pushed the tip into you.

You whimpered, whole body going slack, and you drew your hand back from his dick to find closure on his shoulder, steadying yourself as he slowly pushed himself all the way in. He had to stop every other second to collect himself as well, jaw tightened, hands gripping bruises into your hips and legs, a long, deep sigh once he was bottomed out.

He brought himself closer to you, relishing in the feeling of you being wrapped around him, unmoving, and he had his face in the crook of your neck, as if to ground himself from the feeling. Your body was shaking slightly, and you could barely breathe with his weight on top of you, but it all felt so good. His skin was slick, sweat coating anywhere that wasn’t exposed to the air, and your hands drawing deep scratches into his shoulder blades.

“Fuck, fuck…” You felt Leon’s lips moving against your throat, and his breath was hot, you could tell he was desperate to move inside of you, but he was still. “You’re so tight, god…” His lips moved up to place gentle kisses along your jawline, and your head rolled to the side to give him more access. He stayed there for a second, teeth grazing your skin, and after a while you were ready for him to start moving.

You picked your head up and turned sideways, forcing him to look directly at you, wasting no time in reconnecting your lips, and, while continuing to kiss you, he slowly slid out, and pushed himself back in.

The both of you were glued to each other as he continued to thrust in and out, your hands gripping impossibly hard on his shoulders, thighs shaking, breaths choppy. His eyes never left your face, he was watching your expressions so closely, you had no control over whatever was happening to you, you could barely breathe, you were so focused on the feeling that Leon was delivering, you simply ceased to acknowledge the setting you both were in.

“God, Leon…” You choked out in between gasps, head hitting the wall over and over, trying to helplessly grind your hips into his when he thrust up, but you had no energy to move against him. He took the initiative, and every time he would plunge into you, he would stay there for a beat longer, and make sure your previously ignored clit was getting the friction it needed, which made you whine even louder.

His breaths were so heavy, spitting out ‘Fuck’, and ‘Oh, shit’, and ‘So good’ every few seconds, letting his train of thought loose as he let himself go, and lost control of the pace.

One of his hands let go of your thigh, and it landed along your chin, forcing your head down to look into his eyes. “How does that feel, hm? So hard to move in you, so tight.” His voice was a broken mess, just breaths, essentially, but it was all you needed to spur you on. 

You simply nodded, knowing the words were nowhere close to coming out right now. Even if you tried, it would be a mess of moans and gasps. You could feel him so deep inside of you, hitting that point to split you open, your pussy was endlessly wet, enough to fuel a whole round or two, and he let you know.

On another thrust, he pushed himself in and sat there for a moment, your moans spilling out without reserve, you both tensed as the unmistakable sound of the creaking door was heard.

Leon took his right hand, free from holding you up, and laced it over your mouth, silencing any sounds of pleasure that you had left in you. 

You were both stiff, eyes wide, and he had his head swung in the direction of the noise. The footsteps approached the counter and turned the sink on. If they were to walk around the corner, they would see Leon’s legs under the door, and could have easily walked in, considering he didn’t shut it all the way, it was just stopped by his body behind it.

He slowly turned his head back to face you, you couldn’t move due to the weight of his hand, and you wanted to writhe under him so bad, feeling his cock throb still deep inside of you while you both were still. Tears were practically forming in your eyes.

He locked eyes with you, and without a sound, mouthed the words Be quiet.

He kept his hand clamped over your mouth, but he slowly adjusted your position so he could slide out of you at a snail’s pace. Your eyes widened in surprise, not expecting him to move, and you used all of your remaining energy to hold yourself together, being overcome by the pleasure while also staying conscious of the person who was still at the bathroom sink. You were glad there was still music playing outside in the bar, and the sink was still running, because if it were dead silent, they definitely would have been able to hear the wet sound of Leon pulling out, and fucking back in. 

He held eye contact with you while he continued to do this, holding you so tightly to make sure nothing made any noise,and a devilish grin broke out onto his face. He was enjoying every second of this. 

He was basically getting off on the idea of pushing you to your limit, forcing you to obey what he asked you to, even if it would benefit the both of you rather than just one. If Leon were shameless enough, he could have told them to fuck off, but instead, he held you here, silenced you, yet drove you to the fucking brink just to watch you fall apart. It made you want to cum right then and there.

After what felt like ten, twenty, thirty minutes (fifteen seconds), the sink shut off, a moment of silence, and the door creaked open again. Leon took his hand off your mouth and you both sighed deeply. While holding you still, Leon leaned back to look through the door to confirm you were alone once again.

“You were barely holding it together, I thought we were going to get caught.” He said on another thrust into you, bringing your faces closer once again. You swallowed hard, instinctively choking back moans now.

“Y-you… you were making it hard…” Gasps, again, as Leon was determined to make everything he asked of you difficult.

He brought himself closer into you, and spoke lowly. “Good,” With swift moves, his free hand was around your throat, holding your head back, and he was relentlessly bouncing you up and down on his cock.

The pressure around your throat and the pressure building in your core at his movements was all overwhelming, your hands were cutting crescents into his bicep from your nails, but he hardly took notice, he was so busy moving the both of you as well as keeping an eye on your face to watch how you were responding to his movements, he was too preoccupied.

The slick sounds coming from your pussy were evidence that the situation was much more of a stimulant than you ever expected, and the sound alone brought you so close to the edge.

“I bet you loved almost getting caught.” He groaned out, his movements stuttering, and you knew he must be close as well. “I bet it was driving you crazy, having to shut up while I gave it to you. You took it so well.” Your eyes nearly rolled to the back of your head, mouth open, you wouldn’t even be surprised if you were drooling at this point, Leon had all the power now.

“Leon,” You whispered, no energy for your full voice anymore. He understood.

“Take it, baby.” He thrust harder and harder, pressing you flat against the wall, the tip of his cock hitting all the deepest points. “I’m almost there, you feel so good.”

“Fuck, Leon,” If you could grasp any harder against his arms, you just did. “Fuck, I’m so close.”

“You got it, come on, cum for me.” He pressed his forehead into yours, grinding into you on the inward thrusts, making you fall apart in his arms. A few more thrusts, grinding a few more times, and a squeeze to your throat had you gasping in a silent scream around him, panting wildly letting your orgasm loose. 

He fucked you all the way through it. “Shit, that felt so good, fuck, I’m gonna cum,” You watched him as he chased his own, sweat beads dripping down his face, his hair coated in it. His hips stuttered one more time, and as he released his seed into you, he buried his face into your neck, whimpering and biting again. 

He pulled out of you, and it wasn’t missed by either of you the way his cum dripped out of you and onto the floor. You cracked a small smile when you heard him breathe a laugh.

“I’m sure that’s not the first time this bathroom has seen that.” He looked back up at you, breathing heavily, arms shaking from holding you up. You tapped his arms, hoping your legs were strong enough to stand on your own. He lowered you slowly, making sure you were stable before letting you go.

“I hope that’s what you wanted. I might have gotten ahead of myself.” He was still standing in front of you, neither of you made moves to leave the stall. You leaned against the wall for support.

“I would have stopped you a long time ago if it wasn’t, Leon.” He smiled down at you, breaths steadying out. He nodded his head.

“Coming to the house any time soon?”

You laughed out loud this time. “I’m sleeping over this weekend.” 

He smiled wider at the sound of your laugh. He leaned in and kissed you again. “Can’t wait.”

[alexalessandro]

This is for no one but myself (ignore the tags) so feel free to scroll away, but no actually the rat grinders are not like Ragh and Zayn and Aelwyn.

Here’s my essay

First of all, there’s a clear difference between the rat grinders and all the bad kids “villains” turned allies and it’s the coerced factor

If we want to put Zayn datkshadow, Aelwyn aberrant and Ragh Barkrock on a scale of most to least coerced, we would have Zayn up top.

He was literally made to be socially isolated and financially dependent on the bad guys, had his reputation ruined and actively had eyes on him to keep him miserable and alone (jokes on them the acting miserable part was his emo persona mostly)

Then we have Aelwyn abernant, who’s behind Zayn darkshadow simply because she had a lifeline to not be abused which was to be perfect all the time although that’s abuse in and of itself, she was literally coerced from birth into evil “we’re rich so we care about nobody but ourselves and you better not shame our house” bs

Then ragh, ragh is least in the coerced scale but he still had his identity used against him and was actively bullied and blackmailed by his crush after coming out to him

Now the rat grinders.

They. Weren’t. Coerced. Into shit.

Kipperlily copperkettle? The gravest sin her parents made was be boring and scold her for breaking into their computers to look for conspiracies. Her reasons to be manipulated is because she’s mad she’s boring and thinks that trauma gives other people an “unfair advantage” while she actively chose easy adventures to pass. Like she looks like any other annyoing ass white girl you dread to meet that complains about people being on her ass for getting starbucks while the boycott’s going i’m sorry i’m not gonna pity her JUMPING at the opportunity to be manipulated and also actively getting the only person that gave a shit about her killed (Lucy frostblade had multiple assailants)

Like cleric killer killed people in cold blood bot as self defense or to stop apocalypses but cus the bbeg was like hehehe bitch please

She is obviously racist against riz but that’s just my own personal bias

Oisin? Freaking nepo baby with an evil grandma that apparently was bitchy even before the shatter star and might have been an insidious incel the entire time

Ivy suggested fabian wore mazey like a coat and that’s where the skin alive but came from, check the tape

I have weird thoughts about ruben mary ann and buddy, they’re mostly stooges and i would personally put them in the ragh box but also ruben’s death was objectively funny sorry not sorry

All of this to say there’s a difference between my villainy is inflicted upon me or coerced onto me and HECK YEAH MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL I’LL ABSOLUTELY KILL MY BEST FRIEND FOR U WHEN SHE DOESNT GO ALONG WITH THE PLAN

anyway these have been my ramblings I won’t take criticism

[mblue-art]

Sorry for that question but I really curious!

What made you fell in love with Cross and Lust?

Tell us more!!

😳😳😳 hhuh what rreally,, , ,,, 😳 u wanna hear me yap abt my sillies, my beloveds,,, (i appreciate the enthusiasm tho omg 🥺🫶🫶🫶)

i want to have the yuris with lust and the yaois with cross I I MEAN HWHWAT 🧍‍♂️

UM.

haha anyWAY,, (oh gog this ended up long)

🍫—

cross checks so many boxes for me it makes me go insane. too good to be true. versatile(??)— like it's somehow way too easy to put him in Situations. (he's bf and husbone material??? just -20hp me now; that already kills me) he's. hh. gawddamn there's reasons why he won a utmv sans sexyman poll.

he's like a crush that you can't get out of your head no matter what you do, i'm so freaking down bad for him it's not even funny anymore. ever since simping for cross i have not been the same since. the man has changed me. the attraction/simp feelings hit me like a bat out of nowhere and i don't understand why it's so intense— i. hh.

,,i like when ppl make him dorky. stupidly silly (absolutely love shitpost shenanigans and would absolutely LOVE to get into silly shenanigans with him and with/without his bestie epic). fun to be around when he's deemed you as a good friend. stars, he'd give good hugs. strong, solid, and warm, the kind of hugs u don't wanna pull away from so soon. a little endearingly cringe. fanon simp cross is adorable and fun to mess around with. tsundere cross is adorable and fun to mess with. cute anxious guy under all that intimidating aloofness. when i say his smile is an absolute treasure, i mean that. his blush making him look like a grape or a glowing bulb is adorable and makes me wanna tease him more. anime protag/character vibes so strong i wanna have a cute bl/shoujo manga romance with him type shit yk.

then there's times when he's The Hot Dude and i think it's illegal if he's all confident and smug and dom actually (/hj) cause that makes me wanna fucking fite him HELLO? SIR? ILLEGAL????? (<- the fight or flight response of a tsundere towards a milder tsundere LOL).

-hp every single time. mf gets successful d20 rolls w/ rizz on me and i get a critical hit every time. it's a 50/50 either i fluster to death and become weak or i wanna fite his dumbass

i'll. i can fight him. i'll lose but i can fight him for sure. (why is he so cool⁉️‼️💢💢💢RRRRRRR)

he makes me feel things. lots of things. (mostly fluster but when i'm feelin sooper soff i jst wanna shower his skull in keeses. ima kissy lil guy)

tired cross makes me just wanna take care of him. want him to come home to me without any worry because he thinks i'm his safe space.

when he's being stubborn i want to tell him to chill out for a little while, take a break and watch some funny stuff while drinking choccy milk or eating his fav foods and be cozy. bapping him if he's gonna try to get out of this too soon. he's gonna get the free time he deserves n relax n get cuddles n kithes.

the way he can gently hold my hand and look at me with a sincere look in his eyelights and say something genuinely affectionate feels like cupid shooting an arrow through my soul, but also feels like a balm. (a promise of loyalty and faithfulness.) (a kiss on the forehead? a cherry on top.)

well now i can't be mean to him with all the nice he's saying and doing. i just want nice things for him o(-< (even if he's a bastard sometimes lol<3 all circles back to the silly) (silly is always important)

💜—

i love lust. so so so much. the fanon interpretation of him, anyway.

(don't get me wrong, i absolutely adore the feminine slay content of lust; but am i wrong for yearning for more masc lust content?)

i like my lust sans respectful, goofy, sans-like, an absolute sweetheart, and a caring, wonderful life partner. under the flirty personality and charm(ing looks), is a sans behavior that made me fall deeper. (he makes me feel very gender too) (ohmygofd yeah no he actually makes me think of gender sometimes rauauagrrgh<3/pos). i don't have to worry about showing my cring, weird side to him, because he's also a gremlin,, o(-< he doesn't have to present himself all nice and pretty all the time (although he's always pretty in my eyes). he can be comfortably himself; with me 🥺

i want to be his safe space.

i want to see him heal and be happy and be happy with me and give him all the love i can give and care for him and make him soso happy i just want him to feel SO sosososo loved, he deserves so much more

he's the only one who's able to get a certain reaction out of me; to pull flowers out of my heart. to pull out words of love and devotion and appreciation, heart bursting with affection only for him.

for him, i would try. i would live for him. i wish someone like him (the him i've created from interpretations and headcanons) was real irl.

i want to not care i don't care if he's a gorgeous well-known person that people fawn over, or if he's a campus crush, etc.,

i want him to think i'm worthy enough to keep in his life. for him to know how special he is to me, for him to know how much i want him in my life as much as i want him to keep me in his.

my immediate reaction when i think of him is: 😊💕💜💜💜eeeee kicks and giggles and flaps hands teehee

i love him so much i get a heart-on for him (/silly but it is true sometimes; love him so much it aches (in a good way))

[vesora]

is law of assumption real? yeah

i have come across an individual vilifying the loa community and i find their statements kinda funny and stupid but i love having my beliefs challenged bc i can know why i believe in this. please also read my response to this other girl who thought loa ppl were crazy. it is ok to think if it’s crazy. ur welcome to criticize it. also, i am using aesthetic pictures bc of my ocd, i need things to be divided.

this is for the people who want to listen whether LOA is real from MY perspective:

firstly, i was primed for law of assumption from a young age. this means that i experienced many and i mean MANY spiritual things from a young age. i saw spirits (not hallucinations, it was my dead grandma who i had never seen and i described her down to her ring to my dad and he started crying because it was her), started speaking french at random points without ever having consciously learned the language, heard random piano compositions in my ear which i had never heard before, had visions which protected me/warned me about the future/informed me about the future and many manyyy more things. this proves to me the power of the subconscious mind.

the difference between someone who was born with their third eye awakened versus someone who has no spiritual experiences + is not open-minded to it, is that they will view spiritual phenomena from a materialistic practical sense.

this is saddening, because humans before being impacted by materialism were so spiritual and we were the ones who created the pyramids and all the structures you see on earth. we did that.

anyways,

is it real?

my opinion: yes. 

no i am not in a cult waiting to pounce on the next vulnerable piece of meat. in fact, my future career is removing people out of cults and helping trafficking victims but anyways.

i have manifested things far beyond logic. you know how and why? because manifestation is the most basic human trait. and awakening to the fact that you are the creator of your reality is the most liberating amazing feeling and practice. i manifested one of my dying cats becoming free of cancer. that is not luck. that is manifestation. i manifested bad circumstances away. not luck, manifestation. i manifested all my exes leaving me the SAME way because i had assumed they would. not a coincidence, manifestation. there is definitely a lot we don’t know about the universe. i can’t say with certainty that all things are attributed to us which is also why i hate any form of victim blaming. but one thing is for sure is that humans have more control over our lives than we think. we don’t need a divine presence outside of us to dictate us the circumstances in OUR lives.

also, law of assumption is not law of attraction. law of attraction is “AHHH DONT THINK BAD THOUGHTS OR U WILL GET BAD JUJU” very fear-based, also seen in dogmatic religions. law of assumption uses a CBT based approach to change assumptions and therefore, influence reality. you have every right to not believe in this and even chastise me for it, i understand. however, i know this is real for me.

i was a victim of many racist attacks, however, as soon as i decided that the outside world is safe for me, i never had ONE negative experience. is this a coincidence? not for me, no. this is a human taking control of their life. this is a human not bound by societal expectations and leaning into divine energy and expressing the truest essence of one’s self. i am not blaming myself for being a victim, it is the racist’s fault. i am not blaming other victims, it is the perpetrators’ fault. however, if there is any fucking chance i can help a victim, i will take it, i do NOT care.

things i manifested regarding other people towards me:

1. no more racism towards me, family and friends.

2. parents being emotionally available with me

3. my friends expressing affection the way i want them to

4. my mum making me the exact food i visualised many times

5. my professor saying the exact words to me as i visualised

6. my friends saying to me the exact words i visualised

7. this guy flirting with me out of nowhere because i visualised it

8. and many more stuff this shit is too easy so

maybe i feel this strongly because i am a fighter for the working class. my main goal in life is to help liberate all oppressed people. if there is any chance that it can be done by mind, i would take it. would you not? would you not help people by the means you have helped yourself?

how can you so strongly and with such conviction without ever practising the law come to a conclusion that is a harmful new age ideology when the maxim prevalent in so many esoteric practices (yes, non-white too) have preached that reality is made by the mind? will we ignore the science behind it too? will we ignore the cia declassified documents? will we ignore ancient accounts of reality shifting? will we ignore hermes trismegistus? will we ignore rumi? will we ignore plato? 

you can ignore this. i won’t, however. this is the liberation of the human soul. having said this, anyone is welcome to criticise the LOA community, look at us as vultures, think we are crazy. i value all opinions (even if they’re wrong HAHA sorry). 

how is loa different from dogmatic religion?

well for one, there is evidence for conscious manifestation (e.g. dr joe dispenza’s books). i personally do not like religion. i have religious trauma so if you are religious, id advise you to not read this section. abrahamic religion is based on fear to oppress minorities, trap human potential and it also makes you rely on luck and wishful thinking (this view is only if the holy books were to be taken in the literal sense and abused by ministers etc) whereas the human is able to decide its own fate. law of assumption liberates the human by putting the human from an us vs them view to an us AND them view, meaning everyone is one and the same. this is not a christian thing, this is a well documented thing featured in asian philosophy. consciousness is the thing that unites us all. it is within you and it is within me. religion (abrahamic) forces you to look at the people who are not like you, aka dont believe what you do, as these other creatures who have defied the will of God and ahhh will face wrath. LOA instead empowers the individual and promotes free will. i understand if you think this is dangerous, the woo-woo stuff, just dont practise it.

how is loa not a cult?

loa CAN be misused in a cult but on its own it is not a cult. no one in the loa community is forcing the individual to join this practice which lowkey is just manifestation. however, i get your concerns and i advise you to read this reply: x

i wish i took pics of my cat when she was sick so i could provide u guys evidence but of course i didnt take any pics.

anyone is welcome to leave. anyone is welcome to adjust loa to their lives the way they see fit.

the void state

i doubt that so many people are lying about manifesting in the void state. i do think it’s not a big deal but i definitely don’t think it’s fake. besides, whats the harm in trying?

thing is right, if you are not garnering results or whatever, u dont need to stay. i stayed regardless of whether i manifested my shit instantly or not (which in the beginning was hard for me) because i believed in the philosophy, it resonated with me and it didn’t make me alienate my fellow man. however, if you feel you have a chance of being manipulated here or idk what, don’t join this practice. seriously, it’s okay. i am not being sarcastic or anything, because you are welcome to stay or leave. you are welcome to compliment me or insult me. i will love you either way for you are my fellow man.

also this is so random and a general thing but only psychoanalytic/psychodynamic psychologists use the subconsciously thing.

[deesseshesca]

PAC :What are they gagging about u, again ?

Again… A fucking again. Nothing new, nothing changed. 

Good morning, pretty souls, today we are diving into the same mess people keep their mouth running regarding you. What’s the remix this time ? What have you done to upset the haters ? Like WTF do they want now ? 

FLASH SALE 

For the next 2 weeks all readings on my ko-fi is 20$, only 

GIVEAWAY

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To participate: You must reblog, like and comment. 

Choose the image that’s speak to you and allow yourself to soak ONLY what’s reasoning with YOUR SITUATION 

Rules and Disclaimer 

I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else. 

TW: PANIC ATTACK

Pile 1

Check in : y'all come from a rich abusive household. You are about to run away. Or some of y’all might actually just move. 

What’s the gag ? 

King pentacles 

People are yapping about you,  are  your classmates or close friends . Y’all come from an abundant family heritage and are living the dream some will never get to even grasp. Let’s not forget your amazing composure. You can get anything you want whenever you want. Probably walking around with an Amex card. Book a ticket overseas at least 4x a year. Whole education in private school even high profile nanny. If you  are black, u hear often … « you talk white … ». I fucking hate that statement because what is that supposed to mean 😑�� LOSER . They think u must have a very traditional way of thinking. Especially if u are white, they think u lean more towards far right ideologies. And the fact that u call your parents « papa » or « mother » is not helping your case. 

What’s actually gagging ? 

8 swords

Y’all are going through it with your family. I don’t have any vision regarding what’s going on behind closed doors. But I see you pulling a big bright smile after closing the front door of your house. I see y’all acting literally like a robot. The second that your parents ask for something. You do it. No question or critical thinking involved. Y’all are literally suffocating in your household. This time no amount of money, clothes or first class trip is cutting it. 

Bonus💌333, The universe is advising you not to run way. They know you are an individual with good values and you hate acting out of character. But they are giving you the green light to act like a spoiled child and throw a fit. So you can get your own apartment and enjoy a semi independent lifestyle before blowing the big gun. They will hate to see struggle in the real world when u already been through hell in your own home.

FLASH SALE 

For the next 2 weeks all readings on my ko-fi is 20$, only 

GIVEAWAY

There’s one spot left for a free full audio reading

To participate: You must re-blog, like and comment. 

If you want to choose the subject for the next reading make sure to vote on the poll at the end of the post.

PILE 2 

Check in : You guys recently got a face piercing. People around u wondered if u are a sex worker. You come from a small town. Y’all have the perfect hourglass figure or peach. Anyway, your ass is fat. 

What’s the gag ? 

Judgment (reverse)

They feel like too many bad things happen to you. Everyone in town is in your business. Which is not surprising. Like nobody actually minds their motherfucking business ( I’m sorry … I hate when people are in people's business, especially mine . Since I’m a toddler my fav sport is to mind the thinking that pay me … is so annoying when I run around individuals that fucking don’t This is why I never over read in y’all energy even in a collective setting. Like c’mon). I’m sorry pile 2, y’all lost u’re high school sweetheart. Y'all got married but it all scrambles down. They feel like you need Jesus. They think u are bitter, old  and alcoholic women. You need to give your heart to God and turn your life around. 

What’s actually gagging ? 

Queen swords (reverse) 

They are partially right (and i oop-). Nah, I have to stay serious. This is a serious matter. You lost the only good thing in your life. I would be turning bitter myself 2. In that nasty old town, where people never let you be in peace. First because of your mom's reputation then because of your beauty. Out here making fun of u because u gain weight. Bitch people are at the gym killing themself to have your curves. Some are dying on the bed of doctor Miami… for what ? I sense that it is constantly like that. Since you’ve been young they made smart comments about you. When they realize, u only get prettier from there… game over. Now they are calling you fast. Then calling you old, they wish. Y’all are between 25-27 like… ok, yeah ok, pipe down bitch (meme reference). You are pondering on doing a 360 of your life right now. You spend all this time  trying to please people around you and acting according to people's expectations. Now you want to live in a rather carefree lifestyle. Moving to the big city, where nobody cares about you and nobody deem to care. You might want to be a stripper. Not because you are missing funds or don’t have an education. You just want to go wild for a bit. Seeing if you still got it.

 Bonus💌777, When you are ready to share your story that's when great success is going to find you. You might documente your grief on social media or give guideline for other to heal. Some may write a book to help individual going through the trials and tribulations of loosing their ultimate soulmate. Y'all other going to share all the secret tip and tricks of being a stripper.

FLASH SALE 

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PILE 3

What’s the gag? 

King cups (reverse)

Y’all must be athletes. The people gagging  are your teammates. They finally saw you crack. Some were even questioned if you were a human being. Because you are always put on a straight face no matter what. I sense that you had a panic attack in front of them. That was the only time you showed emotion and it was this intense. 

What's actually the gaging ? 

Queen swords 

You’ve been carrying a deep sadness since childhood. You guys are extremely disciplined and private. Y’all also give amazing advice. They think you lost it but you actually lost your mind Because you never really had your emotions under control. You barely know how to cope. The only time that this insanity seems to leave you is when you are practicing your sport. You are actually pouring all you have to the only thing that gives you peace. They will never know that.

FLASH SALE 

For the next 2 weeks all readings on my ko-fi is 20$, only 

GIVEAWAY

There’s one spot left for a free full audio reading

To participate: You must re-blog, like and comment. 

If you want to choose the subject for the next reading make sure to vote on the poll at the end of the post.

[p1a9u3]

PeepHole Ch.1: Moving Day

Masterpost Ch.1 - Ch.2 Pairing: Dylan Matthews x Fem Oc

Rating: 18+ (mdni)

Genre: Neighbors/Strangers to Lovers, Smut, Angst, Fluff, Slow-burn

Summary: Moving isn't as exciting as Amoya thought, plus she may have pissed off her new neighbor.

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: (This story takes place in 2024) Mental illness (anxiety, ocd), Violent intrusive thoughts, Language, Age gap (5years), Using phone while driving

Status: Unedited

Author note: This is the first fic that I've ever posted, I've written before but I've never finished anything and published it so don't tear me to shreds, please. I chose to make an oc instead of just writing as a reader mainly because I made a whole character in my head before I wrote this so I decided to just make her an oc, if you would like a post going more into this oc of mine feel free to ask (I might post it anyway because I like her), there is no smut in this chapter btw. Please give me feedback and suggestions, constructive criticism, etc. Don't be a bitch about it though...please. I'm thinking of making this a series POSSIBLY, but I procrastinate a lot so that may never happen. To my fellow troublemakers hopefully, I do Dylan justice and my writing is at least a little bit accurate to his personality. Still, to be fair I'm a fairly new troublemaker having only found out about this man a few weeks ago, so if something isn't accurate please correct me...politely. He's become my new hyper fixation so when I saw there aren't really any fics about him I decided I should make my own so here we are. Anyway with that being said Enjoy <3. Update: Dylan is barely in this chapter

Monday, February 26, 2024 Time: 8:30AM Moving out was less relieving than you thought it would be. Having been by your mother's side for almost all your life, you'd gotten comfortable always having someone around.

'You can't live with your parents forever'

People would remind you whenever the topic of anyone's living situation would be brought up. Being twenty-seven and still living with your mother wasn't something you wanted to keep telling people, no one would take you seriously. Though your mother never pushed for you to move out, never mentioned it actually. You think you know why. You never say anything though, so you deal with the slight embarrassment, and ignore the judgmental stares you get whenever someone brings it up.

'They don't know our relationship'

More excuses you make up to justify your obstinance; and to mask the anxiety you're feeling as finish up packing your U-Haul. You had finished packing your stuff from your shared apartment and were now finishing the few boxes you had in storage. Now in the elevator mustering up the strength to carry the last two boxes back down to the truck. Grabbing the lock you had left on the floor, you place it on top of one of the boxes and stack the box onto the second one, bending down and lifting with a soft grunt. Long strides carrying you to the elevator, you push the down button with your foot. The doors open soon after, you step inside setting the boxes down as you push the bottom floor and wait. Pushing off the wall as the doors open you pick up the boxes once again, you quickly load them up into the U-Haul before grabbing the padlock from on top of the box, and then heading to the front desk of the storage building.

"Here, the unit is clean and empty." You smile at the woman as she takes the lock and keys with a thank you.

Turning on your heels you walk back to your U-Haul giving everything a once-over before locking it all up, now turning your attention to the hitch attached to the back of the Truck where your precious car is hitched too. It was a black and cherry red 1993 Nissan 240SX with a red interior, you had seen it while driving with your mom past a repair shop when you were 25, back then it had no windshield or wheels. You won't lie and say you fixed it yourself but you did invest all the money you had at that time to fix it up and color it how you wanted; you still would say it was worth it. Checking the hitch and chains attached to the bottom of the car making sure everything was set and ready.

"Everything looks good?" Your mother said making you jump

"Yah! A warning ma, please! And yes everything looks good, I packed up the last two boxes and returned the keys and lock to the front desk while you were in the bathroom." You let out a breath calming your heart from the scare you just had, your mom snickering next to you. You turn to her rolling your eyes playfully as you walk to the front of the truck, your mom following behind you.

"Good, let's get on the road." Your mom hops into the passenger seat and rolls down the window. "I wanna get home by Wednesday."

You climb into the driver's seat, buckling your seatbelt then checking your mirrors. You two had agreed on driving to your new apartment, taking turns every 5 hours, once you got there she'd help you unload and unpack on Tuesday, and your mom would then fly back to New Orleans on Wednesday. The more you think about it the more you feel yourself panic a bit.

"Okay."

Time: 9:00AM Starting the car, you let out a breath putting the car in drive and pulling out of the parking lot of the storage building. You could tell your mom was trying to keep herself calm by the way she would rub her right thigh with her right hand, it was a nervous tick she passed down to you. Unfortunately, you were just as nervous, so you decided to turn on the playlist you and your mom made while eating the night before, mixes of all kinds of genres put into one playlist to keep you both entertained during the drive. Pulling off the main road and merging onto the freeway, you glance over to your mom to see her smiling wide looking back at you. She has that look in her eyes, you know it well.

"Its happening ma." You smile back at your mom then look back to the road

Your mother places her hand on your thigh, letting out a long sigh and a soft squeeze before returning it back to her own lap. You see her wipe a single tear from your peripheral; you don't acknowledge it. She'll start bawling the second you tell her not to cry. So you pretend not to see it and start singing along to Erykah Badu, your mom turns the music up a bit and starts singing along too. You smile to yourself as you glance out your side window, watching as familiar buildings pass by in a blur, You think you'll miss this place. No, you know you will, but a part of you is kinda excited, relieved almost. You've silently always longed to live on your own, but another part of you calls you selfish for even wanting that until now

'How could want to leave your mother'

You know it's normal to want to move out of your parent's home, every grown adult has to move out at some point, and twenty-seven is a perfectly normal age to do so, You wanted to move when you were twenty-four. Hell, some people live with their parents till they are far in their thirties.

'But you know your mother may need you right'

All your brothers have moved out, they are doing good on their own, and you're the only one left. It was only a matter of time; you tell yourself. Your mom will be fine, she's dating a new man who treats her great and takes care of her. Hell he tried to hire a moving crew to move all your stuff, but you wanted to do it yourself and your mom wasn't going to let you drive almost halfway across the country by yourself.

'you could've found a place closer to her you know'

Phoenix, Arizona. You chose Phenix simply because it was affordable for you and close to LA, your mom agreed it was a good choice. There is work in LA, California is just so expensive, so you chose the next best thing. The apartment is nice from what you saw as well, one bedroom, two baths with a study. It was perfect for you.

Time: 11:23AM The drive was going well so far, your mother eating a bag of chips she packed along with all the other snacks and drinks. You were eating a Honeybun, one of your favorite snacks, and drinking water. Your mom had turned off the music and started watching YouTube with mostly commentary so you could listen and drive, Right now a video was playing talking about some ice cream drama in North Dakota. Author note: if you watched this video featuring Dylan is in Trouble, I know it's technically in the future but I don't care, this is all fake anyway. You found it interesting and kinda funny, laughing every now and then when your mom would pause to add her opinion. About two-thirds of the way into the video you glance down at the screen, there are two guys now instead of one, and one of them is wearing glasses, you glance back down looking at the title of the video 'Insane Local Ice Cream Shop Drama (w/ Dylan Is In Trouble)' You made a mental note of the second guy's name for later, his voice was nice you told yourself, he was also fine as fuck. You leaned your seat back as far as it would go, which wasn't very far, getting comfortable. You still have two more hours left to drive.

Time: 12:35PM Your mom had fallen asleep about ten minutes ago, YouTube was still playing, The next video had been the same guy as before. You looked down for a second, looking at the title of the video that had been playing for about fifteen minutes. 'Guessing Finales After ONE Episode (ft. Dylan Is In Trouble)' You smile to yourself a bit recognizing the name at the end of the title, you let the video play just listening to the guy talk for ten more minutes. You caught yourself smiling again when you recognized the second guy's voice as he joined in for the rest of the video, you took a sip of your water glancing down at the video, seeing him pop on screen whenever he had something to say

"he's funny." You mutter to yourself quietly, thinking out loud.

The video had ended and your lips fell back into their original position, as an ad played before the next queued-up video, you looked down at your GPS. 1322 miles to go; you let out a sigh.

'200 miles closer to leaving you mom'

She was helping you unpack, so you technically wouldn't be leaving her really. If anything she was leaving you since she had to fly back home. You prop your left elbow on the open window, your left hand holding the steering wheel, and your right hand comes down to your thigh, rubbing small circles back and forth.

'What happens if Devon goes back home'

Your oldest brother Devon was working at a mental facility. He was on his medication and was doing good, he managed to get a job there and has been making decent money. He was doing fine, He is doing fine.

'What if he stops taking his medication again.'

They will keep tabs on him, they know his habits, his symptoms, He is fine.

'Has another episode and gets out'

That wouldn't happen. He's fine

'He'll be there when mom gets back'

No.

"Hes gonna ki-'

-beep! beep! beep!-

Time: 2:00PM Your mom's alarm goes off, making you jump a bit. Reaching over to turn it off, your mom moans a bit as she wakes up from her short nap, stretching her arms a bit as she yawns.

"Jeste li spremni za promjenu." she yawns out, going for a sip of her water ( translation: Are you ready to switch)

Your mother's Croatian tends to slip when she's just woken up, or delirious. You nod your head looking at the next exit sign to find a gas station, spotting a Love's off the side of the freeway. Slipping off the freeway you pull up to the gas station before parking next to a pump.

"Bathroom?" You look over at your mom, she nods, unbuckling her seatbelt and hopping out of the truck, you do the same.

You both enter opposing stalls to relieve yourselves of all the water you had been drinking, washing your hands after. Your mother heads back to the truck to pump the gas as you browse the aisles for any extra snacks, spotting a honeybun you instinctively grab one, then two, and head to the cashier. You place your honeybuns on the counter and then look up at the cashier who seems to be invested in something on her phone, she wasn't wearing headphones phone volume at maybe thirty percent, you could hear what she was watching. You recognize the voice, the cashier finally looks up from her phone quickly apologizing for not paying attention.

"Oh I'm so sorry, will this be all" She quickly rings up the two honeybuns.

"No you're fine, that'll be it actually." You dismissively wave your hand pulling out your wallet to pay.

Looking down you notice her phone, she had put it on the counter, and the video on it had been paused but on the screen was that guy again, though it seemed to be a video of his own this time. You pull out some cash and hand it to the young woman behind the counter, she takes the cash, counts it, and then goes to get your change.

"No, it's fine, keep the change" Flashing a smile then grabbing your honeybuns you take another glance at the women's screen before it turns off from being left alone for too long.

Opening the passenger seat door, you climb into the seat buckling yourself in. Pulling out of the gas station your mom pulls off back onto the freeway continuing your journey. You pull out the bag you had brought for little activities, pulling out your book of choice. You had splurged at a Barnes and Noble a few weeks before you began packing, picking up a bunch of books you had either heard good things about or had been wanting to read. Red Rising was one of the books, it was also the one you were currently holding.

"I'm gonna put my headphones on, so you can listen to whatever you want." You tell your mom as you put your headphones on and pull out your phone.

You had gotten the book on Audible a while back and wanted to read and listen at the same time. Pressing play you turn to the first chapter and begin reading as the narrator spoke. Your mom seemed to have put music on, you could feel the bass as she turned up the volume and began singing along.

Time: 10:56PM Hours had passed, it was your turn now with two hours left till your next switch. Your mother was knocked out, lightly snoring as you drove in silence, you had stopped reading once you had switched. You also decide to put off reading it until you were moved in, the book had grabbed your attention, so much so, that you wanted to be able to focus on it solely; so you chose to wait. You had a couple hundred miles left to go and things were sinking in more as you drove silently. Your mind doing its usual thing, making you worry about things that most likely won't happen, even if it did, you know it wouldn't be your fault. You couldn't help but think maybe it would be though, it was a dumb thought but you couldn't help it

'What was that guys name again'

Your brain blanked for a second, random but ok, your brain goes back to the YouTube video your mom had been watching, that cashier was watching him as well. Dylan is in Trouble, you wonder what kind of videos he makes, most likely commentary. You pull your phone out glancing down and go to YouTube, you use the voice to text and hold your phone up to your mouth.

"Dylan is in trouble"

You press search, going back and forth between looking at your phone and watching the road. You look down to find his channel, press his icon, and scroll through some of his videos. Movie commentary is what you mostly see, occasionally you'd spot something different, you decided you'd dive into his channel later when you weren't driving.

Time: 5:00AM You were in the driver's seat, you had let your mom sleep more after she had been driving for about three hours. She was up now though, you could tell things were starting to catch up to her again. She was fidgeting a lot more now, well so were you, she looked very tense. She helped you find this apartment, but you assume she wants to see the neighborhood for herself, in person, wants to see how good the security is and what the neighbors are like. It's only natural, she's a mother and her only daughter is moving twenty hours away from her. You look down at your phone, your GPS says you are pulling up now, you look around the area, it was very nice, wasn't too far from the city. You spot the complex to the left, it was pretty big with multiple sections with apartments, you were building three, kind of in the middle of everything. You pull into the complex parking in front of the leasing office to speak to your landlord and to get your keys, your mom comes with you of course, sizing everything up.

"Hi welcome to Arts District Apartments, it's Amaya correct, my name is George?" An old-looking man stands from his desk, his hand reaching out to shake yours

"Thank you, George, it's Amoya actually" You reach out and shake his hand with a smile.

You two talk a bit about the complex and its rules etc. Your mom chimed in every now and then to ask her questions. Before you know it you're unloading the truck into your new apartment, you're realizing now that you didn't have as much stuff as you thought. The last thing you had left was your bed, you and your mom had been doing well with just the two of you, but after you two had gotten the mattress inside your mother's back began to bother her. Now you had your bed frame, you told your mom to relax for now and that you could get the frame up yourself. Partial lie, you previously took apart the bed frame and so there were mainly long pieces that weren't too heavy except the backboard, that thing was heavy as fuck, luckily you had a dolly at the storage building to help you carry it out, but now you have to carry it to the elevator and down the hall. You managed to get it down from the truck, and from there you lifted it and sped walked to the elevator, almost dropping the bed frame on your foot as you set it down to push the button. The doors had closed on you twice as you tried to pick the frame back up and lift it into the elevator, but alas you made it, now on the third floor and outside the elevator. You took pride in your body, you considered yourself strong, regularly went to the gym, and you would say your legs were the strongest part of your body, with that being said, you tried to make as little noise as possible since it was still early in the morning, you lost your footing. You were almost there, your door being right in front of you; but you fell. Landing on the door behind you hitting your head with a very loud thud.

"Bumbo." You whisper yelled at yourself in Jamaican as you set the frame down and leaned off of the door. (translation: Fuck)

Holding the frame upright you walk around it reaching for your door, the frame slipping from your fingers and falling against your neighbor's door again. You prayed that your new neighbor was either a very deep sleeper or wasn't home right now, though maybe you didn't pray hard enough. You lift the bed frame from your neighbor's door, getting your phone to get your mom to hold the door open for you so you can slide it the rest of the way inside. Stopping, you hear the door behind you click open. Your bed frame blocked your view of whoever had stepped out, but you could hear him.

Ch.1 - Ch.2

Updated Author note: Hopefully this was an enjoyable first chapter or part. The apartment is just a random apartment complex I saw on Zillow, everything in this is all fictional besides the YouTube videos and things that are obviously real. Anyway, I have decided to make this a series, I've gone into too much detail on little things like Amoya's intrusive thoughts and all that, and it'd be a waste to shorten and delete half of what I put and speed through everything, Amoya's intrusive thoughts and anxiety is a trait I added from myself, so you'll notice a lot of internal thinking and scenarios she makes up in her head. Hopefully, the idea is as cool as what I thought of in my head. If this does well, I will upload the other chapters one after the other, If it does bad I'll just delete everything, but please be patient I procrastinate a lot and I want the writing to be good. Please be honest and let me know how you all feel about this, if you like the writing, the main character, the pacing, the storyline, length, anything, and everything, I need criticism but don't be a bitch about it.

[mintmillipede]

things i noticed in the good omens 2 opening title sequence part 1

i watched this frame by frame and have had many thoughts. i'll put things which are interpretation or my perspective in purple. feel free to watch along whilst you read if you haven't seen it yet.

also couple of disclaimers which u may feel free to skip: i grew up with chrisitan iconography but am not christian but because of that i know more about that perspective of abrahamic texts so keep that in mind! i'm using guy as a vibe more than a gender but am happy to take criticism on that bc i'm not sure myself yet. also i haven't looked at any other analyses because i want this to be like a fun little puzzle so apologies for overlap/missing things/being wrong. ok enjoy!

ok, scene 1. mountain range, not sure which one but it could be a biblical reference? so possibly judaean mountains but that is a big stretch. aziraphale is coming down from the heavens whilst crowley emerges from a glowing orange crater, which looks a lot like hell especially with the context later in the intro.

they emerge behind a rock into scene 2 into a tunnel and crowley lights a match with his hell powers? this actually interests me because why use a match if you have fire powers? perhaps he's conserving miracles.

scene 3: we don't actually see them emerge from the tunnel, they're seen up ahead later. we start with an animal's skull in the foreground, and i think it's a ram. there's other ram skeletal remains later and there are various rams eating on the hills. from stage right enters: a delivery guy. they've got a delicate package. it's giving me like holy land vibes? idk i grew up christian and it's like christian movie landscape to me.

anyway the delivery guy is trailing behind a figure all in black who is almost camouflaged in the murky landscape. there's also a tree by them which i think is a mustard seed tree!!! there's a parable about it and it's the vibe of starting from small beginnings like the small little mustard seed grows into a tree which birds chill on.

the figure in black is following a couple of steps behind aziraphale and crowley, and they pass a little ram on a rock which has a fleece which reddens. rams were often used as sacrifices in the old testament and probably in other abrahamic texts. not a good omen.

a raven is on a cart with bags which look like they are full of coin. they are having a little snack. this may be about matthew 6:26 where jesus basically says don't worry so much about money look god's feeding the ravens (sometimes translated as birds in general) and they suck (bc they are seen as unclean maybe because they eat carcasses) and you're better than them. it's like god cares for fucking ravens so he's gonna care for you sinners. also they're omens of death. this will be important very shortly.

there's also some real funky looking birds with four legs on the mountain and those were not in the bible (/j idk if they are or not but i couldn't remember them and i feel like i would have). and the paths on the mountains are scrolls, suggesting maybe that the world around them is literally made of scripture.

crowley sets fire to a little bb ram and now they're all on fire it's very mean of him. no i am not colouring that in purple. i think in this context it might be to cleanse the sins of humanity?

scene 4! finally ok immediately wtf aziraphale why are you secretly a lamp??? my bf thinks this is a supernatural show so i looked it up to spite him and there's a bunch of references to lamps in the torah and talmud but bc english-speaking christians can't be bothered to learn hebrew or greek the bible has the most direct reference i could find: 'the spirit of man is the lamp of the lord'

also crowley is a vibe! not sure what gender she's presenting as here but i'm hazarding a guess as femme. blue has a bunch of meanings but none i was sure about, but i saw a bunch of references to the sky. the funky guy behind him does have a human face with a helmet of black hair i think and is carrying something big that i cannot make out. the person in front of them is giving zombie and they are in a graveyard and there's more context later imo for that being accurate.

going stage left, we have another aziraphale and crowley, not in disguise. if i had to guess, these would be muriel and another new ally who are disguised as them to take the heat off of them. i think.

everyday on a gravestone? could be a reference to the song everyday by buddy holly which has been used in promo so far. it's a song about working up the courage to ask someone out... which could signify a development in aziraphale and crowley's relationship but also could signify something coming in the plot relating to heaven/hell. on a gravestone, the song could reference the fast approach of death. could be a combo of these things too. or could be none! i am no oracle. or am i...

at the back, a bucket of pickled herring is being transported by a skrungly little guy. pickled herring does have links to jewish culture but we know there's a pickled herring scene in edinburgh which maybe more suggests scottish fishing culture (not that the two are mutually exclusive of course). the guy travelling alongside the cart with a goth vibe has a shovel suggesting he's a gravedigger.

jane austen! suggests some of her themes popping up in the show but also suggests they're around winchester cathedral, and it does look like they're going into a building but it looks more like a crypt/mausoleum to me. i tried to find more information about a building like this in winchester but i was looking on ecosia and thus found nothing.

here lies the former shell of beelzebub is a canon reason for the change of actors, but here lies adam?!?!??! i know time could have just passed, but it's still mean!!!!! maybe it's a different adam?

scene 5! i think they've entered down a secret passageway in the crypt - you can see some coffins there and i think the masonry fits well enough. we've got some more people following behind the ones who are dressed like azi and crowley. it's a bit too blurry but i've spotted a few who could be aziraphale in disguise as the odd lantern is gone - i think though he is dressed as the gravedigger now as the original gravedigger seems to have changed their garb. a few more could be crowley although crowley's original form with the blue headscarf is still there. the figure in white near the front gives me undead vibes. helmet hair guy is more visible now. we've got someone holding a lantern near the back who is a vibe (could be religious or in some way guiding the souls of the dead). they're followed by a real funky looking guy who i think is wearing a mask??? hard to tell

ok so so so there is so much around them. skeletons and gravestones suggest we're still in a cemetery. if you look on the left, it's the box the delivery guy from the beginning had!!! so many thoughts about this. mentions of a delivery are everywhere. this box is in the recent prime insta post with angel and demon feathers emerging from it. basically this is very very important, so how did it end up here? was the delivery guy buried with this on his body?

we see a web. we'll come back to that!

little feature i like the skull we see has a backbone and a ribcage which is a vibe

scene 6! a lot of ppl too many to talk about in full but def some skeletons. i think religious figures. there's a cool looking punk? too many things so many stimuli. anyway i think this is a crowd of undead people being led into hell to assist on a mission. why just the undead?

they're exiting something that looks like the crypt they came in from, suggesting it's a secret entrance to hell. might this be where hastur met crowley in season 1?

we've got a big wheel which looks like it's used for some kind of pulley contraption imo, but i don't think it would be for the guillotine unless they wanted to adapt the guillotine somehow, perhaps automate it? big stretch

we've got the pyres of files and computers and office chairs. this is a metaphor for capitalism sucking balls.

web! like before. ok so theories perhaps it's a metaphor showing the web of all of the connecting entrances. perhaps it's a big magic hell thing drawing power from everywhere to its centre. perhaps hell listens to people from webs. maybe demons can travel through webs? idk maybe one of these is 25% right. also later we see a spooder so maybe she has laid eggs?

oooh mysterious fire cave. mayb that's where satan is chilling. the inverted pentacle's outside of it. could also be the government of sorts. my boyf thinks it looks like a skeletal face in a witch hat and i think he is festering with lies.

leetle dragon gargoyle!!!! i love her she can do no wrong

i like to think we see the different stages of their headquarters. the castle was the first, the grey building is the current/s1 one, and the blueish lighting is coming from what they're upgrading to. this may also be why there's the pyres of stuff: they're doing a little clear out!

also the crushed metally thing in the foreground... i don't want to say it's the bentley.............. so i will not i refuse to be devastated before the show has even begun

scene 7: we come out of the stairs leading up to the public loos by liberty's london which is right next to soho, the implication being that that's another entrance to hell which is in fact true irl. the old-timey underground logo (probs oxford circus) suggests we're not in present day (so maybe adam is fine! or maybe they're time travelling?) which suggests we're in the blitz (ww2) because of the barrage balloon and the aircrafts. this is also suggested by the old routemaster bus.

ok we're up to 0:33! coffee break meet back in like a day i did not expect this trailer ok i have things to pretend to do

[scarlet--wiccan]

Do you have any criticism on how the Darkhold was handled in the Multiverse of Madness?? And the lore building in general if you want to rant more

Yeah, although, honestly there's not much to say besides "it sucks." To date, the Darkhold has been used in three different M C U/ M C U-adjacent properties-- Agents of SHIELD, Runaways, and now Wanda/Vision and the subsequent titles-- some of which contradict each other, and none of which have attempted to adapt any aspect of its canon history or lore.

The Elder God mythos does not exist in these continuities. Chthon is only mentioned once, and is described simply as a "demon." The Darkhold is otherwise just referred to vaguely as the "book of sins" or "book of the damned." Without the context of Marvel's unique cosmology, it becomes either a cheap stand-in for the Necronomicon, or a stock horror prop that relies on an implicitly Christian worldview of sin, damnation, and "dark magic" to make sense. WV, MoM, and Agatha have specifically leaned really hard into that treatment, despite ample opportunity to do otherwise, and it's disappointing. Honestly, I think it speaks to the disdain that these filmmakers and showrunners have for the source material-- they can never just take it at face value, and they often do away with the things that make it imaginative and unique.

This is especially problematic for Wanda, whose relationships to chaos magic, Chthon, and the Darkhold are central to her character and to the major themes of her narrative. None of those relationships are carried over, and the M C U undermines and betrays those themes at every turn. It creates a narrative that, I think, is actually less sympathetic to Wanda, although you can tell that the writers believed they were doing something progressive. She has more autonomy in this storyline, but she also has fewer things to overcome besides her own poor behavior. Although the Darkhold appears to have a corruptive influence, Wanda's lucidity and control is repeatedly affirmed, even in the midst of the Hex. At the end of the day, she's responsible for her own actions.

You could argue that her descent into villainy in MoM is a product of the Darkhold's influence, but even that just feels like cruel moral determinism. She becomes the Scarlet Witch through a combination of trauma and prophecy, and as the Scarlet Witch she's apparently destined to claim the Darkhold and the temple on Mount Wundagore-- which will, apparently, lead to inevitable moral decay. Or perhaps the temple was always meant for her to destroy-- the movie is frankly unclear. Either way, it was built for her, and it led to her downfall. It seems excessively cruel, and without a possessor or abuser to overcome, Wanda has no way to free herself from this cycle besides suicide. Maybe it's stale, but I'd prefer a standard possession storyline over that any day.

And anyways, the whole corruption thing is moot, to me, because there is already an established pattern in which Wanda uses her grief to justify harm. Years before she began to manifest her magical powers, Wanda's grief and outrage led her to volunteer for HYDRA, and she continued aligning herself with a fascist robot until his violence reached her own (white) community. That wasn't magic-- she just got radicalized by neo-Nazis! And again, we're repeatedly shown that she's aware of the situation and has the ability to control her actions, and the conditions of the Hex, in WandaVision. Yes, the viewer empathizes with her grief and inability to let go, but she crosses too many lines, and she doesn't learn from it. She's locked in this pattern from day one and never grows. Maybe that's not her fault, but at the end of the day, her story in the M C U is tragic and cruel in the ways the comics never were, and it offers far less hope of redemption. If and when she is redeemed, it won't feal earned or plausible like it did in the comics.

[wannabe-enigmatic]

Hi typology Tumblr 😮‍💨

It has gotten to the very sad point to where I genuinely can not type myself in any typology system so I wrote a little paragraph about me I apologize as it is all over the place but I did the best I could 🫠 if anyone is willing to help type me I’ll be more than appreciative- unfortunately I can’t offer much in return, maybe a follow and like spam? But thank you for reading this fair anyway and feel free to use anything I said in this intro to type me as well

Me: Okay so when I first meet someone- I’m very shy but polite. I give compliments if I’m trying to make friends with the person I’m talking to. Normally I like to be approached first

With acquaintances I’m myself but I dial down just a tad bit. My personality also adjust to the people I’m around with acquaintances.

With close friends I can be kinda loud but I’m very friendly.

Across all three scenarios I’m very sarcastic but I remain polite depending on how close we are.

When I’m by myself I enjoy listening to music while scrolling on Pinterest or TikTok. I do have an eye for aesthetics. I occasionally write poetry. I also can daydream when I’m alone. When I’m with others I am very practical and grounded and in the moment. When I’m with myself in in my mind. I am EXTREMELY passionate and it can sometimes come off as rudeness. I am also very sensitive and don’t take well to criticism of any kind Real life scenarios I have been in relating to me being passionate to my values- I value respecting teachers not only because they want the best for the class but because it helps the class flow better and acting out is honestly annoying so when push comes to shove I will say something like “Respectfully, shut the fuck up” but I just want the class to flow slowly

Also- I highly value respecting boundaries and my ex friend did cross one of my boundaries before so I did cuss her out on her birthday and then ghosted her but like it’s not rlly even my fault fr

Also I can get to work and be extremely serious when need be but I often procrastinate. I also really like material things. I have a fear of fatal accidents and things like getting kidnapped but I’m not a skeptical person. I also have a very playful personality with my friends. I’m also learning a foreign language and enjoy it. I also get emotional sometimes. I could see a video of a new singer living paycheck to paycheck and their video only has one like and it breaks my heart. I could see an overweight dog and my heart breaks because obesity in dogs is fatal and that poor baby wasn’t even trying to get fat. In response I get enraged with the owner/ who’s responsible. Sometimes I get mad at the person who’s also the victim because you know that artistic careers barely make anything but you chose it anyway now I’m sad for you but you brought the life upon yourself Stress- under stress I get extremely nervous however I try my best to rise to the occasion

Fear- painful / undesirable death, experiencing any traumatic event, poor quality of life

Desire- to be happy , be everyone’s favorite

1) I’m focused on defending myself more than I’m focusing on defending others but I’ll say something if I see something 🤷‍♀️

2) I value my autonomy but I will not hesitate to get other options. Following their advice tho might be a little diff

Authority- I to be in those positions. Loathe rude, stuck up, money centered , greedy, selfish authoritarians

Morals- very important. Would die on a hill for my morals. I keep an open mind to everything but my values and morals and truly do believe that they are correct

Success- in the sense of e3s I think fame, riches , etc but for me success is not living paycheck to paycheck, good social group, good career

Anger- I tend to be ready to express it but u funny way to get myself in trouble so I hold back sometimes. BIG BIG BIG EMPHASIS ON SOMETIMES

Opinions on certain things - Philosophy- very overrated. It’s glamorized thought process

Politics - the vast majority of politicians running shouldn’t be

Practicality- good to have

Intellectual- also good to have

Physically- keep yourself in shape ig 🤷‍♀️

Home and school life - Home- very tense, poverty stricken, argumentative, very chaotic

School- more relaxed, pressure on self , feeling not wanted by peers and feeling like I’m annoying

Songs I relate to - groan by daisy and the scouts, ride by Lana Del Rey, watercolor eyes by Lana Del Rey

[deviantartdramahub]

So Tri alerted me that I've been name-dropped again, lol. https://www.deviantart.com/oh-my-arceus/status-update/Imagine-claiming-that-I-fake-1060054245

When she sent me this, I said "Love how she's too scared to argue with me here anymore, so she turned to her toe-suckers to protect her. Also one of them claiming I talked to them and deactivated my account?? What are these bitches on."

Yeah first off, never talked to this Fae person, nor did I ever deactivate my account, so more proof DADN, Evie, and any of their allies just pull shit out of their ass. And ofc no-critical-thinking-skills Evie absentmindedly agreeing with her. I guess they're smoking too much of that weed they love admitting to take smh.(Not to mention I already proved the pedo accusations about my friend false, and would never tell someone to KYS???)

And 2nd of all, Evie posting about this situation with zero context, not that it matters bc either way her toe-suckers would believe and blindly defend her no matter what. Wonder if they do know about the slur-spouting, disability-shaming, autism-faker denying, clutch using, ect ect ect. :/

And I do know about it, which is why I called you out on it, dumbass...and because you know I know about it, you got scared and ran away, going to your toe-suckers to comfort you. Meanwhile I'm standing here laughing my ass off, having yet to be proven wrong about any of the claims I've made. Pretty sure it's safe to assume my claims are all correct. -w-

And 3rd...as you should know by now I'm not just accusing Evie of faking out of any ableism (I think it's clear she tried saying that to hopelessly mask the true accusations of HER ableism I called out.) because I have good reasons to believe this, due to the way she talks about disabled people, the way she blatantly struggled to come up with this excuse at first, the way she waited for me to say I have autism to then say she has autism, all while making it out as if I was crying about my disorder when I was really explaining how I have a disability when she doesn't, the way she spreads rumors based off of stereotypical bigotry, and the way she denies anyone has ever lied about having a disability, when yes sweetie, people do that all the time, including you! :)

And I'm sure there's plenty of other proof you're faking, if anyone reading this has other things to back this up, then feel free to share it. And I've already shared the proof for all my claims before, but if anyone wishes for me to share it again, then I'll be happy to!! ^u^

But anyways, Fae and Evie, I'd like to see proof of my friend being a pedo, me telling Evie to end herself, me ever talking to Fae, and me ever deactivating my account. (Fucking Hell you can just go to my profile rn and you'll see it's perfectly fine https://www.deviantart.com/gellygirl/gallery)

Oh and also Evie dearest, still waiting for those "papers" you mentioned! They coming anytime soon, orrr...? <3

Disability will always be a complicated issue, but there are some fine lines and it's sad those are argued about especially by a senior member. One has to wonder what that's built on.

[prettyboykatsuki]

i'd like to hear ur interpretation of hawks if u are open to sharing 🤲🏽 i love hearing you talk abt media and analysis stuff

BELOVED!!! HELLOO AND YES i would love to talk about it though i think i might genuinely ruffle some feathers ajkdkjs but this is just my personal opinion of hawks ! !

one of my main like. gripes with keigos character and how people write hawks is the way they handle his moral reasoning. i think the bnha fandom does this quite a bit where a character who is very obviously meant to be multifaceted is like washed out by one or two actions when those actions aren't derivative of his character.

i find this to be the most egregious in the instance of hawks killing twice. this fight is extremely, extremely complex and i must make it clear that is one of the cruelest actions in the entire series and it is one of hawks worst moments of betrayal and people are allowed to not like him over it

but it doesn't stop me from sympathizing with his character in anyway because this death unlike many before it, starts to change hawks fundamentally (seen in chapter 374)

i think hawks is a character worthy of criticism, but not nearly as much as he is usually subjected to. he's not quite like deku in which he's unable to grasp that hero society needs reform especially because he feels a sense of distaste for the hero commission.

nor is he deluded at any point about the positions of heroes and villains. he is genuine in his effort for reforming, and his compliance with the hero comm. doesn't erase his intent. he prioritizes the public because he is hopeful to the point of denial

his biggest character flaw is more than other things, the sense of detachment he's garnered as a result of his trauma. he's a character who has intellectualized his emotions for nearly his entire life, as proven by his backstory. his sense of victimhood and of being saved is very, very warped because his tactic of survival since childhood has been in some aspect - compartmentalizing his reality. running away. severing his connections much like his parents did.

this is one of the main ways that he and dabi differ. they are quite literally two different responses to intense physical and verbal abuse with dabi being fight and hawks being flight (ironically enough). hawks takes on the role of the good victim, convincing himself it's better to endure everything. he spends his entire childhood like that, and he is only free from that abuse when endeavor comes to save him.

hawks' idolization is another one of those things that people pretty consistently use to derail his character. but i think it's important to recognize that hawks and dabi view endeavor in similar but opposite lights.

their perceptions of him are exacerbated by their circumstances. each of them, respectively, have a relatively extreme / exaggerated view of him. for hawks it was the idea of endeavor and being a savior that allowed to him to survive, and for dabi it was endeavors abuse and the need for vengeance that motivated him to stay alive.

all of that to say - hawks was groomed nearly his entire life to become a hero. he was never given room to process the things he endured, and perhaps the most substantial difference between hawks and dabi is that he is so unbearably isolated from everything. dabi being in the league plays such a huge role in his life but for hawks. he has no friends and his only semblance of self-worth is derived from the idea of Endeavor giving him the time of day and being 'helpful'. he spends nearly his entirely life chasing after the idea of being good and it ruins him in almost every way.

hawks will always be a victim worthy of sympathy to me. his participation in a system that failed him over and over and his hope for that system to change will never allow me to dislike him, even despite the heinous atrocities he's committed against loved ones. he isn't a good person but i don't think he's a bad one either. his obsession with leisure always clues me into the fact that there's probably some part of him that didn't want all this and that sincerely wanted to be good that was absolutely snubbed by the hero commission and it breaks my heart. that's the part of this thats personal and controversial probably.

he feels a lot like a war vet to me. my hope for his arc is that he will realize much in that same vain that this level of corruption needs major reform and that he is able to reflect on that and use his influence in the future for good.

[lmaonade]

u Probably already know this but i got a random anon with no sources cited saying you were a pedophile and trying to "silence" anyone who "exposed" you (??) the language was inflammatory with absolutely zero things to back up their claim + i hadn't even having reblogged one of your posts recently so i think there might be someone running through reblogs on your posts and sending those types of anons to those people as some sort of smear campaign?? completely and totally perplexing. anyway if you get any weird messages from anons or other people just wanted to let you know that that might be the cause of them. feel free to delete this or not publish it and i hope no one is weird 2 u lol

yeah lol someone was being insane on my page last night. idk what the deal was but i decided to just ignore it and go to bed.

that being said im not a pedophile, and if you believe a iconless tumblr blog with no posts and no sources or proof randomly going crazy on someone's page, may god help your critical thinking skills.

sorry though if anyone got any weird messages. idk what system they were working off of to "expose" me to people but it seemed random as fuck lol

also they kept using she pronouns for me? maybe they legit had me mixed up with someone else. but i don't know and frankly i dont careeeee. the blog has already been deleted. i think it was just someone trying to stir up some shit. this is all i will say on the whole thing because acknowledgement is all they want 👍

[onelungmcclung]

MotA pt eight:

combat pilots are the glamour boys of piloting tbh (I like/am critical of this show's sprawling ambition but I'd take a BoB style miniseries just following the 332nd / 477th)

feeling a little bit back to square one in that suddenly there's a whole new bunch of guys in uniforms and masks and I'm supposed to be able to tell them apart and it took me about 4 episodes to keep track of the 100th (about 7 to keep track of easy company, but I was new to the genre back then)

(my co-watchers and I have a whatsapp group called "i moustache you a question" which is purely for helping one another tell MotA characters apart)

I don't want to be mean but I do not give a skerrick of a fuck about bucky's emotional problems, especially when that problem is boredom

"well I could cope with being DEAD" is mildly endearing

just think how much of this narration you could cut out and everything would be fine, better even

it's good to see a little bit more of capt westgate's working relationships

croz that is what happens when you disobey kidd's direct order, your brain deactivates

did u know christopher lakewood (col jeffrey) is also an accent coach

I thought maybe buck and bucky's fight might be some piece of misdirection theatre in aid of an escape plan but no, bucky is just that annoying. punch him again.

luv the tuskegee airmen already because nobody's narrating over their scenes. see how well this works

"I helped plan d-day and then slept through it" is a great story for the grandkids. I'm being flippant but also: it kind of is

croz/rosie/kidd ot3. I'm right. think it over. thank me later. (platonically, but ydy. maybe I'll decide I'm flexible)

if I were more heterosexual I would fall for macon reeling off a list of precise statistics that he worked out earlier when he had a free five minutes

"we perhaps might not blend into nazi germany?" is seditious talk apparently

I'm always a bit lost when the 100th point to one another through their plane windows and say things like "look! there's blakely!" because I simply cannot make out any distinguishing features. the tuskegee planes are great though, much more distinctive

Second Smug Nazi is a slightly more charismatic actor imo

the writers have got themselves into that "this time period was racist but Our Heroes cannot be racist" dilemma so, as per the classic dodge, some relatively minor character gets to be the Only Racist. sorry hambone. you are very blond, after all. (sometimes it's "this time period was homophobic" or "this time period was misogynistic" but the solution remains the same)

I quite like alex and buck's interactions, despite not having been terribly invested in buck so far. good chemistry? just the novelty of a new character relationship? anyway it helps when butler and turner get scenes with other people for a change. one of the best tools for character development is giving them multiple relationships; the different commonalities/tensions/chemistry are v revealing

I am not immune to a Secret Plot Montage

tell me more about macon and demarco, is this a budding friendship (don't want to overegg a "standing next to each other" moment but I'm starved for supporting character development and I'm finally giving up on that significantly changing)

I think westgate is probably right to call things off with crosby sooner rather than later (I always support hbo war ladies when they dump guys #feminism)

yeah I do quite like rosie, he's a good person/leader/pilot. very obviously not (as winters described guarnere and speirs) a natural killer, but that's not his job and he is a natural pilot and therefore cannot bring himself to leave the other guys before the war is over

I think I have done a relatively good job of keeping track of the influx of new characters. don't remember everyone's names yet (alex! macon! daniels!) but I'm doing better on faces

hope demarco and meatball get to reunite next ep

[snoopyliker]

time to qsmp talk

theres multiple things about the new server that i do enjoy i love the new mods and i mean lootr is so awesome for dungeons and theres a lot more cool blocks and decorations to build with and i think bounties are actually fun to give people stuff to do and i love the new world and everyone starting from zero and new builds.

but theres also the cons! i truly would not have minded the economy system if it wasnt so invasive to the gameplay. i dont mind “money” being established when it comes to buying silly things like cosmetics or the plushies or generally things that dont impede you being unable to craft. i understand why everything is behind a paywall, i get it, they want to really promote this system and get the players involved but its such a drastic shift from being able to simply craft a waystone.. to having to pay for every single one you want. it’s rough. it dont see the point really in having a mod in the game but locking it behind money and removing essentially its utility to the players. with every con though theres pros like its interesting to see how players develop transportation for themselves to get around easier i mean points towards foolish have you ever seen a man so dedicated to breeding fast horses. but again that doesnt lessen the unfortunate aspect of waystones, warpstones, and such being less available.

i dont see the point in putting the nether behind a paywall i dont get why they have to grind for it as if they havent waited long enough and tried millions of things go get the nether already. its odd. though again i think these choices make sense in the story like the island is being run by a new character mr bunny and he’s obsessed with money so it makes sense for the players to live in this capitalistic hellscape where they need to even pay to teleport. i think it reinforces the power and imbalance between the federation and the islanders. they thought they had it bad but they continue to make their lives worse. i think all of this works actually really well in the story my issue is that when you look at it from any other lens its not fun. it feels unnecessary and forced onto the players, which again makes sense in the story, to partake in. idk i think if the admins wanted to delay the nether being opened then they couldve just done that without the collective spending. it feels really weird. i always wanted the nether opening to be this cool grand lore moment but it feels like its just going to be “woo u wasted money congrats here u go” not nearly as thrilling as if the players idk uncovered information from the federation and the bunnies and found a way to make a permanent functioning portal that would lead to this opening moment.

the whole thing with the coins is such a shame because i wanted it to be good but as of right now it doesnt bode well with me. also makes me question what about all the players duck coins they had earned prior to the reset? where did those go? once they go back to their old builds can they deposit that money?

i wouldnt even say earning coins is hard like the admins have offered a variety of ways to get coins my main issue is all the things behind these payments with the coins. i dont get the nerf with waystones i dont get why. i dont know. i’d like to have a genuine chat with the admins over what the future of the smp looks like to them and what their aim is with all these features. i want to understand better so im able to watch and know what the point is before simply criticizing ignorantly. but im sure they’ve received a lot of negativity already and i dont want them to be discouraged. im just honestly curious like the beginning of purgatory was confusing and jarring but once we got the premise of what it is and what its purpose is meant to be in relation to the server i personally ended up enjoying it throughly.

anyways peace and love on planet earth ily admins and qsmp team (please set us free)

[miserywizard]

genderfucked lesbians 🤝🏻🤝🏻🤝🏻 RADIVOJE THAT WAS HIS NAME YES THANKS why do i miss a character ive never had the pleasure of knowing idek and i get it! whatever you decide to do will be the right decision ofc and if you end up making edits to publish it (important edits aside it DID always feel more adult than ya to me but maybe that was wishful thinking) i promise there Will be people who want nothing more than to read abt your silly horrid children! also. also idk if this is of any comfort but people have not forgotten your books and i say this in the non scary way i promise like. im a librarian AND bookseller in the buttcrack of south italy and we're currently reading book 3 in the weekly book club! not everyone on earth was on the hell app at that time and most people understand that a fumble is just a fumble, nothing to be witch hunted for! tbh That whole thing was nightmarish (and confusing!) to witness from the outside so i can't even imagine what recovering from it is like but i genuinely wish you only the best and a very do nooot get a v public full name and everything twitter acc ever again (AND if you're absolutely done talking abt this stuff feel absolutely free to just. Close ur eyes and pretend i didn't send anything at all dhskfj i didn't even follow you here to avoid making u feel weird i would hate to accidentally be the one clown who turns the attention on The Mess rather than your new bunch of lesbians which btw. love them deeply already thank you)

he was such a funky little guy he's some of my finest work. I went 'what if I smush Vax!Critical Role into Palamedes!Locked Tomb what happens' and what happens is: the worst most pedantic boy alive.

lol i mean the entire basis of the book was every bonkers decision he makes comes from his genuine and real fear that Someone Is Going to Literally Eat Him so it's probably adult. Idk i reread blessed monsters for the first time since 2021 at the beginning of the year and went 'oh we were very generous calling this book YA...'

that is. genuinely so very very sweet thank you <3

LOL i haven't logged into my twitter since 2021 i anticipate it will get deleted for inactivity someday and the impulse to make an account on any new twitter-like only comes from a place of missing friends that are mostly long gone and probably wouldn't interact with me in public anyway. so! i doubt i'll be anywhere than here and instagram, honestly.

i'm far more comfortable talking about it now. At this point it feels... silly? I did what I could, regardless of the fact that it feels like I did literally everything wrong in the moment. If people who were not involved are still mad about it, then, why do you care so much? If people who were involved are still mad that's fine and reasonable, though, again, a little silly.*

i love my lesbians very much hope i get to publish the books with my lesbians.