#Aromantic erasure

[almostshamelesspenguin]

Character: I think boys are pretty

Fandom: oh! They're gay! That's canon!

Different character: I have no interest in romance or sex. I don't understand it. Relationships confuse me. They seem pointless to me. I have no desire to be in a romantic or sexual relationship. I am an aromantic asexual.

Fandom: well, I guess you can interpret them as aroace...I don't see it though.

[thediamondarcher]

oh I'm sorry this AROACE character exists and you can't ship them with any other character because they're AROACE, must be so sad for you

[starryjoy]

It is clear that to allos "being aromantic" is just something whacky some asexuals do, instead of it being an actual identity that stands on its own.

[aro-absol]

Why the hell is the aromantic tag cluttered with so many romantic Valentine's Day gifts???

Now we are getting erased even in our own tag?!

What the fuck.

[heartless-aro]

“Aros can still date!”

Yes, they can. But do you actually make an effort to learn about the experiences of partnering and romance favorable aros, or do you just use them as a gotcha whenever people explain how your words and actions contribute to aromantic erasure? When you write romance involving aromantic characters, are you actually making an effort to acknowledge how their aromanticism might affect the way they would approach a romantic relationship, or are you writing them as an alloromantic character while tacking on the disclaimer that “it’s okay, because some aros date!”?

Are you shipping those aromantic characters because you’re interested in reading and/or writing stories about those aromantic characters navigating romantic relationships that may involve little to no romantic attraction? Are you interested in seeing those characters explore how their aromanticism affects what romance means to them and what their boundaries are in a romantic relationship? Or are you going to ignore their aromanticism altogether and reimagine aromantic characters in a way that conforms to amatonormative and allonormative notions of what a person’s life and relationships should look like?

The problem with shipping aromantic characters isn’t just that it’s often done with characters who are pretty heavily implied to be romance averse. It isn’t just that some people who ship aromantic characters are treating the characters’ aromanticism as an nothing more than an obstacle to their ships rather than treating aromantic representation as something worth celebrating in its own right. It’s also the fact that a lot of people in fandom spaces treat partnering and romance favorable aromantics as being “basically alloromantic” instead of actually respecting the identities and experiences of romance favorable and partnering aros.

[lovequeerindigo]

worst thing ever is when someone is describing a character who has no interest in romance and relationships and then labels them asexual

[censorious-asshat]

I honestly hate how characters who dont like the opposute sex are automatically assumed to be gay. I hate it even more when the character explicitly shows no interest at all in any gender.

for example reyna from hoo was the first fucking aroace coded chracter i ever saw in a book. she was one of the first chracters to finally make me feel heard. i finally felt like there was a chracter i could truely relate to and who understood me. and i might sound like a bitch, but i absolutely fucking hate when people make her a lesbian. thankfully its rare to see her in a hetero pairing. but seeing her in a queer pairing isnt any better.

there are so many other chracters who would work better in queer parings, so why does it always have to be the aroace chracter.

Ive also noticed that its more common for a female aroace chracter to be put in lesbian pairings way more than male ones. correct me if im wrong though.

the aroace rep is so fucking rare anyways, so please stop putting them in relationships. while there are aroace people who want to be in relationships, not all of them want to be in a relationship, and they dont have to be you first pick for one.

im just so tired of seeing aroace chracters constantly being changed to fit ships. this might be very bitchy put for the fucking hell please stop.

[zillywalten]

I'm tired of aro erasure have this

[the-chemist-1138]

Still embittered by the fact that, not only did the writers of Riverdale erase Jughead's Asexuality and Aromanticism... They also made him into a sexualized relationship with Betty, and later included them in a four-person-Polycule with Archie and Veronica.

The complete opposite of him being the very few canonical AroAce characters. They couldn't even have at least made him Asexual but Heteroromantic.

Every time I think about it, I feel like angrily breaking something, and I am always a stoic guy that doesn't emote much. This Aspec erasure is one of the few things that angers me, as an Asexual man.

[januscorner]

If I see one more allo person completely twisting the definition of aromanticism to justify their erasure I’m getting violent. I literally saw someone say that a character stopped being ace cus he “found the right person” What the actual fuck

[ugly-anarchist]

I don't necessarily think ace specific posts being tagged as aro and showing up in the aro tags is that big of a deal. Is it annoying? Yes. Does it make it harder for aros to find members of their own community? Yes. Does it make it harder for questioning aros to figure themselves out due to not being able to find relatable experiences? Yes.

I think most of the cases are people who are ignorant on the differences and assume that they're the same. This is problematic, but I think it's really just a symptom of a larger issue.

Alternatively, there's also aroaces who are just tagging their posts about their own experiences with their own identities and I don't necessarily think that specific scenario is problematic. But I think if it was just this happening then it wouldn't be as common as it currently is and the aro tags wouldn't be completely flooded with ace content.

The real issue with mistagging, in my opinion, is when people tag other people's aro posts as ace. I could make a post that is so explicitly about being alloaro and there's always always at least one person who tags it as ace/aroace/alloace. This isn't just annoying it's violating.

When we talk about our experiences other people force the asexual label on us. It doesn't matter how much we tell people we're not asexual, people insist on making us be.

Non-ace aros are constantly told that we're not allowed to have our own unique experiences, we're not allowed to have our own communities and labels. Everything is taken. Our spaces are invaded. Our labels and symbols are co-opted and changed for use by asexuals. Our experiences are forced under the asexual label.

Every time we speak about ourselves the response is always "how can we make it about being asexual?" And it's fucking frustrating

[aros1ut]

On aromantic erasure

I just attended a 7 hour course on sexuality and gender identity, by the POV of psychology, sociology and the laws (of my country). They did a good job, they mentioned the "mainstream" identities, the first 4 letters L G B T.

They mentioned the Q, standing for Queer and Questioning. They mentioned non-binary people, genderfluid people, GNC people, agender people!

They mentioned the I, intersex people!

They mentioned the A, asexual people!

They mentioned the +, it stands for all the shades!

And... that's all.

Not a single word on Aromanticism.

There was a small test at the end, 21 questions. I did 20/21 because at the question "what is sexual attraction" I selected "it's the physical attraction towards one or more genders", instead of the correct one "it's the physical and emotional attraction towards one or more genders".

I knew it would have been wrong but

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU ALL.

You could leave a comment on the course and I DID EXPLAIN WHAT AROMANTICISM IS. I know it's words in the wind but I had to.

[thediamondarcher]

I would like to know in which moment Isaac's storyline didn't show him being AROace because y'all keep calling him ace and his storyline was always pointing at him not being ROMANTICALLY attracted to anyone, nothing sexual and it's something that happens to a lot of aroace people irl, like me, it's mostly the aromantic part that hits the most because we live in a world where romance and dating it's settled as something everyone wants/needs/has and for a lot of people the most hard part of it is accepting that you just don't fit on that. I'm aroace and it's like the ace part came with my discovery of me being aro and i know for a fact that I'm not the only one who had this experience. Seeing aroace representation is important and it is necessary and we don't get it a lot so please stop overlooking the aro part in every aroace rep we have

[normystical]

RAGH RAGHH RAAAGH RAGHR GRASYRGRGAGR BEATS EVERYONE WITH HAMMERS BEATS EVERYONE WITH HAMMERS BEATS EVERYONE WITH HAMMERS

THERE'S MORE, BUT I THOUGHT SOME WERE MORE IFFY ON WHETHER OR NOT THEY'RE EXCLUSIONARY, BUT STILL RRRAGAGHAHAGSHEHSGS /NEG

[aro-absol]

So, I gotta rant about a thing regarding heartstopper that I see so often and it annoys the hell out of me.

Isaac is canonically aroace. AROace.

It drives me crazy when people talk about him "discovering he's ace", calling him an "ace icon" or praising his "ace storyline ".

Like NOTHING about his storyline is inherently about being asexual. It is about not knowing what crushes feel like, not being able to reciprocate crushes, never getting celebrity crushes, feeling nothing when kissing, and just feeling out of place with his friends all dating. Those are all typical aromantic experiences.

Isaac is the only canonically aro character in a mainstream tv series that actually mentions the label on screen. The only other characters I can think of that are called aromantic on screen are in very niche j-dramas that are basically unheard-of outside the aspec bubble.

We need this kind of representation so badly. It could help raise the awareness that we need to fight so many arophobic stereotypes.

I do not like to play Oppression Olympics or anything as we all are fighting against aphobia and are barely represented. But... we literally need his representation more than the asexual community does. There are several other mainstream (or at least semi-mainstream) TV shows that have canon ace characters while also using the word asexual for them. There are Cash from Heartbreak High and Todd from Bojack Horseman, just to name two from the top of my head.

I'm not asking you to stop calling him asexual. Just, PLEASE call him aromantic, too.

[leafs-queer-diary]

if your lgbtqia+ pride art includes the demisexual flag but not the demiromantic flag... you're arophobic! hope this helps :)