#At this point I just need to draw him as the full spectrum of the rainbow

[grandmother-goblin]

Okay, I’m gonna share some thoughts about Astarion in regards to sex and sexuality now that the full game is out and I’ve played through his romance twice at the time of posting this!

Now, I will say this as a preface: THIS IS MY OPINION ABOUT A FICTIONAL CHARACTER! My own experience colors my interpretation of the character, just like your experiences colors your interpretation. I’m not saying any interpretation is wrong or right, and if you happen to disagree with me, that’s fine! I’m not fighting you. I just wanted to share my thoughts because I enjoy this character and I enjoy writing him in fanfiction!

First, to me, Astarion is pansexual. The voice actor and game developers have confirmed this from what I know, and I’m not about to disagree with them. With all the attention to detail that the developers and writers put into the story, if Astarion was meant to be anything other than pansexual, he would be. I firmly believe that. He expresses interest in men and women both in game, so to me, he’s pansexual.

This is probably just a personal ick for me, but it feels pretty bad when someone says they are (or in this case, a character is) bisexual or pansexual and others respond with “We know what you really are 😏.” Yeah? People have literally been told and taken it upon themselves to draw another conclusion than the one given. I feel like it’s dismissive and it makes me sad that I see it all over the place.

On to his attitude towards sex in general, I’ve seen a popular post saying that he is “sex-adverse”. I don’t agree with that. At least, not with the definition I’m working with which puts “sex-adverse” on the same spectrum as asexuality such that it’s just a trait someone has rather than a state of being. Someone can not want to have sex, or not want to have sex for a long time, without being sex-adverse. (Now, my definition might be wrong, Google may have lied to me, and if that is the case I am very sorry. I’m not a smart woman but I try my best lol)

I think sex is something he used to enjoy, and it’s something that he wants to enjoy again, but it was tainted after everything he went through. I think he craves the emotional intimacy/closeness that can come with it rather than just the purely physical sensations. With what he had to do for Cazador, separating his feelings from what he physically did seems to have become second nature to him. I think this is apparent when the narrator or Tav noticed that he’s “not all there” when it comes to intimate scenes. It’s something he had to do, and the ramifications of being forced into something like that is not something that can be undone overnight.

He wants to take some time to figure out how to reconnect physical intimacy with his emotions. He needs time to build a relationship with a partner and know for certain that it’s not based on sex alone. Of course he’s gonna want to step on the breaks for a bit. It makes sense. If Tav really wants him, Tav won’t push it. This is confirmed when Tav pressures him into sex after he confesses his feelings towards it, Astarion decides immediately afterwards that Tav only wants him for “the one thing he’s good at” and breaks things off with them.

Astarion craves a romantic relationship built on something more than just the physical. But he just doesn’t know how to go about that anymore! Feeling close to someone, or showing genuine compassion or care for someone, is something that was turned against him in the past. The fact that he feels anything at all for Tav is probably terrifying to him!

Is Tav the first person to genuinely care for him since he became a vampire? I don’t think so. Not by a long shot. But I think Tav is the first person that he got to spend enough time with that he realized that they cared. I’m sure plenty of his victims actually cared for him, but he couldn’t open himself to care back. He needed to kill them anyway, so what was the point?

Tav is potentially the first friend he’s had in centuries. I am of the odd opinion that he actually kind of liked Tav by the time he first tried to seduce them, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t manipulating them. After the bite scene, especially if Tav lets him feed on them, it has to register to him that Tav can be more than just another one of his victims. He can use Tav, and ally himself to Tav for protection so they don’t turn on him, but he also has an opportunity that he hasn’t had in a long time: the chance to actually get to know someone.

And once he gets to know a Tav who actually has his best interests at heart, and he realizes this, Astarion doesn’t know how to act. He was used for his body for centuries, so surely that has to be all Tav is after as well, right? I think this ties in with his confession and what I said earlier really nicely. If Tav still wants him for him after he confesses that he was trying to manipulate them, if Tav forgives him and still wants a relationship regardless of whether or not they have sex, then he knows for certain, for the first time in centuries, that someone isn’t using him for his body.

That probably needs time to sink in. Not only that, but taking a break from sex altogether would help reaffirm to him that Tav likes him for him. Now, this is where the Halsin/polyamory thing kind of bugs me. If Tav hooks up with Halsin, and asks Astarion’s permission, he gives permission but also says something like “is this because we haven’t done it in a while?” IT IS STILL ON HIS MIND! That’s why the polyamory route with Astarion bugs me because Tav hooking up with someone else, especially when he’s in such a vulnerable state, probably just tells him “well, we stopped having sex and now I’m not enough for them.” Now, I think Astarion is perfectly capable of having a healthy polyamorous relationship, but I think he would have to be close with everyone involved in order not to feel like he did something wrong.

I can probably keep talking about this topic for a while, but I’m gonna leave it here. Again, these are just my opinions about a fictional character! Your opinions may differ and that’s totally fine! Don’t yell at me, I'm fragile.

[mmmaruda]

I already wrote one post about kavetham but it was rushed, and also, I think some of the things I mentioned weren't canon. So I'm here again writing a short analysis about fictional men. Actually, it will be mostly calling out the genshin fandom out on infantilisation and feminisation of gay men or not stereotypically masculine men. (I might link down below some fanfics that I think do kaveh and haitham justice, so bear with me)

Before I even begin I have to mention that I don't play genshin so my perception of kavetham could be flawed. But at the same time when I look what the fandom did to them I can proudly say that I have a better grasp on their characters. Also English is not my first language, so if you see any mistakes please point them out.

Kaveh is a well-known architect who graduated Kashahewar with honors. Sumeru NPC'S describe him as talented and a genius. Many people wish to meet him in person. After all, he singlehandedly brought back pride to Kashahewar.

Fandom loves to diminish Kaveh's accomplishments and effords only to turn him into a loving housewife or an incapable baby man who needs a strong leader. To the people who think Kaveh would be stay at home spouse and would stop designing architecture, with full offence you are stupid. If he was hooled up in one place he would eat through the bricks like a rat just to get out.

To add to the stereotypes of gay men, Alhaitham is perceived as some short of cold sugar daddy. Mind you, he is very much autistic coded. Also just because he doesn't need help from others doesn't make him any less autistic. He is constantly dehumanised because he 'doesn't show emotions', many people on spectrum struggle with showing emotions or controling them.

Fucking albeism.

People love to antagonise Alhaitham in order to make Kaveh a victim which he is not. Kaveh fights just as ugly and viciously as Alhaitham. They are both to blame for the state of their relationship, too proud to apologise and finally talk.

I like to think of them as predatory cats because of the way they fight, claws, teeth. All that.

How many times a gay ship falls victim of toxic heteronormativity. Making one guy hyper feminine and the other masculine. If a man is slightly feminine that doesn't make him weak, dependent on others or not capable. Stop treating typically feminine traits or things associated with women as worse. Yes, Kaveh worries about his reputation, his looks, aesthetics and generally how people perceive him. It's not very "alpha male"of him but does that make him less of a man? Gender roles and heteronormativity is fucking sexist, linked to clasism and racism. So stop with this shit, do you really support lgbt or do you have some weird fethishes? Are you an ally or is it all for show.

Most of kavetham shippers are girls who insert themselves in Kaveh's place and in order to relate to him they make him ooc. Most of you have this fantasy of having an older man taking care of you which is fine but just because you have daddy issues you don't have to take it out on gay people.

Another thing I see people talk about is how weak and helpless Kaveh is. Mehrak weilds his claymore for him but that doesn't mean he's feeble. Why would he chose this type of weapon if he couldn't weild it? Also he works as a architect whose job is to design as in to draw on paper. He needs his hands to be in top condition. But Alhaitham is a scribe and fights with swords, well he also does the bare minimum when it comes to his job. Unlike Kaveh who puts 100% in every single project of his.

He may be nice but he has his own opinions and is not afraid to voice them. He is a very opinionated person. Who fights what he thinks is right. Kaveh would not cry if Haitham was mean to him, he would be offended. Because he is angry, he's frustrated with his work, his life, and past.

Kaveh is a selfish man. It's painfully ironic how by being selfless he is actively being selfish. His acts of kindness are a way for him to stop from feeling guilty, he's punishing himself by sacrificing things for the better of others. Of course it's not always but often enough, he does this without even knowing it. It's something Kaveh doesn't realise or doesn't want to admit. By being extremely selfless he hurts not only himself but also his close ones. Image seeing someone you consider family self-destruct. That's why Alhaitham is so frustrated with Kaveh. He does throw occasionally some jabs at Kaveh about the way he lives but it's never too serious. He does that because Kaveh doesn't accept help, he feels as if he was undeserving of it. Alhaitham is frustrated but never angry at him. He deeply cares for Kaveh, otherwise he wouldn't offer to live with him. Althaitam is very patient and emotionally intelligent person, he just doesnt bother with social norms and anything that is a waste of time. He wants for Kaveh to admit that all of his problems don't come from his misfortune but rather his idealism and guilt. By Alhaitham's logic if Kaveh accepted the truth his life would drastically get better. No matter how hurtful and hard to accept it, truth is the truth. Telling yourself kind lies isn't hoing to change anything. That's why it's so hard for Kaveh to pay off his debt. Giving away his money because he's such a 'good' person. It's hard for him, he doesn't have a support system. I'm pretty sure he never had one. His mother too busy working, rasing him and dealing with her own depression.

Kaveh is a renowed architect with years of practice and experience. Whenever I see people think he only desings decorative buldings that aren't practical my blood boils. He is master architect, he knows how to desingn buildings that are practical yet beautiful. Of course his clients pay him well. He is the Light of Kashahewar, people fight to get their commission done by him. He's probably very picky about them and the clients he works with and I can see him redirecting his potential clients to other architects from the goodness of his heart. That's a very Kaveh thing to do. He earns money buy spends it in dubious ways.

Also people froget he's batshit insane.

He's probably out there licking walls and bricks. From our perspective he would be architecture major. Those people are weird and depressed, spoiler alert they are as bad after graduation. Btw to people who make those tiktok vids where two characters pass each other notes in class, Kaveh would not ask Alhaitham what is the answer to a match question. Wake the fuck up. Kaveh is a walking calculator, literally. So what if in your au he's not an architect, then he is in STEM or just really good at match. Why? Because you cannot change all the traits of the characters in your au or it's becoming an oc.

Besides Kavehs isn't interested only in architecture but also in mechanics. He didnt make Mehrak but repaired it, which makes him knowledgeable in many fields other than architecture.

This is the type of a genius who doesn't drink or eat until they complete this one specific task. Thinking about styles of windowsills probably turns him on. He's brilliant but he's also a loser and self-destructive. He's smart but naive. Istg if i see another person making him unintelligent, I'm this close to blocking half of the fandom. One of Kaveh's most important character traits is kindness, guilt, altruism, and intelligence. He is the type to strive for knowledge to be well rounded, just because. Kaveh would read all the books about launguistics just to argue with Alhaitham. Hes petty like that. Also I feel like he wouldn't stop at designing buildings. This guy probably has atomic bomb plans casually stored in his room. A big part of what shaped Kaveh's character while growing up is not only his father death but his mother's misery. I actually think but his mother's misery. I actually think his mother emotional state affected him more than his father death. Lots of peopel make Fahrnak some antagonist that abandoned Kaveh because he reminds her of his father. Y'all just love to vilanize women, to add character depth to male characters you make female characters evil. You know who makes this type of shit content? Vivziepop. Shit ass content, do better. This is the same thing as the cheating trope in mlm when one male character cheats with a woman. Bifobia, sexism and fethishsacion.

I will add something ab alhaitham and more haikaveh all that mirror shit later. Actually if someone will remind to me to move my ass and end this I would be thankful really.

but his mother's misery. I actually think his mother emotional state affected him more than his father death. Lots of peopel make Fahrnak some antagonist that abandoned Kaveh because he reminds her of his father. Y'all just love to vilanize women, to add character depth to male characters you make female characters evil. You know who makes this type of shit content? Vivziepop. Shit ass content, do better. This is the same thing as the cheating trope in mlm when one male character cheats with a woman. Bifobia, sexism and fethishsacion.

[seoness]

hey!! so i had a request: if the idea is interesting to you, how would the hound feel about falling for a powerful nobleman/monarch (maybe essosi?) who's chronically ill & has facial/body disfigurements from a birth defect?

sorry if this is too specific!! i've just been wondering how the hound would feel about essos & royalty and that big cultural gap, and i'm a self-indulgent (and disabled) hag who wants to hear about him having a disabled man as a partner, lol. whether you take this request or not, i love your writing, especially your characterization of sandor! keep up the good work!!

(Sandor Clegane x male!reader) Hi, if this was meant as a request for a fic then just holler at me again and I'll add you to the waiting list. Planning on plowing through them on my vacation. 🤗 Otherwise, here are my thoughts and rambles. Thank you for your kind words! Apologies for any spelling or grammatical errors, I'm trying to be less pedantic.

I just had to draw him acclimated to his new home. Relaxing and having a snack. I dunno what the dude's eating. A large plum? A red onion?

Let's begin with the setting:

We alter his canon. The Hound never became the Hound... well, not Joffrey's. Let the Lannisters have Gregor, there is gold to be had elsewhere. He's heard the tales. Listened as sailors regaled of spice merchants that could rival the riches within Casterly Rock, of princes, magistrates, and emperors worshiped as gods beyond the Jade Sea. One of them will have the need for good steel. As long as his master can point and his purse is full, they need not share the same tongue, Sandor's sword will speak for him. One of those many spice merchants, princes, magistrates, and emperors will be you.

How would it start?

Slowly. Regardless if he's aware and accepting of his bisexuality, he's not some fool desperate to lose his maidenhead. Especially if you're in control of the coin that pays for his wants and needs. His view of you will not be one that is kind. His world is a cruel one, and the life he's lived has been no different. In canon, Sandor tells Sansa (while joking about a traumatized and raped Lollys Stokeworth):

"...if you can't protect yourself, die and get out of the way of those who can..."

This is not a man that is considerate or empathetic by nature, which can be refreshing in its own right. He'll not eagerly bite the hands that feed him, but neither will he lie and say you didn't avoid his views on a technicality. It isn't your strong arms and steel that protect you. It is gold, and that gold has bought you his. This mindset applies to a wide spectrum of illnesses, ailments, disfigurement (that hinder physical performance), and disabilities. Sandor will wonder if you wanted his services because of his burn, that you see it like some sort of brotherhood. He'll not be completely open to the notion that you are clever enough to not pass on a good swordsman based on appearance. That you can see what more there is to Sandor Clegane than his scar and perhaps you hope he can show the same courtesy.

He won't.

Not at first. Your collaboration together will surround work and only work. You point, and the Hound goes. Sandor will start to pick up words here and there in your tongue. He knows and understands more than he lets on, but dislikes the chuckles whenever he speaks with a heavy Westerosi accent. The armor of dark plate will slowly switch to layered fabrics, chainmail, and pieces of plating (rather than a full set of plate). The once pale skin will darken under the Eastern sun. In Westeros, Sandor despised the showmanship of knights, but there is an honesty to how the Essosi deal with their gold and silk. It's not to boast of valor or honor, it is simple. Wealth. Gone are the comparing of lineages and legends of long-dead men, in Essos gold is everything.

As Sandor begins to adapt to his new surroundings, it won't be lost on the man that it's mostly due to you. You put down the time to explain your customs to him, you are the one ordering the many learned men to tutor your sellsword and you are the one that teaches the Hound what rules can be broken and which will cost him his head. Sandor isn't blind and he isn't ungrateful. His work is no longer a means to pay for his enjoyment, but something that brings him fulfillment in and of itself. He starts to devote time to learning more about you, your interests, and your past.

A good shield knows the one it guards.

That excuse will serve him well for a time. It's when his concern starts to shift that the man no longer can lie to himself. He can protect you from any danger heading your way. A madman with an axe, some assassins here and there, but the struggles that are your own? He knows shit about it. If the gods were true they sure as hells had no intention for him to be a maester.

Sod off

Sandor won't ask about it. He still doesn't want the reason for your friendship to be the brotherhood of the scarred and maimed. Your struggles are yours, his are his. There's no help in stealing the others. His growing care for you will show as the opposite, he'll ask less and seem more distant as you talk. The Hound will become more solitary overall, your servants tell you that he's stopped his usual route to the brothels. Sandor knows he should leave Essos. Gregor has lived for far too long. He'll pack once or twice, try and muster the will to tell you that he's leaving.

More excuses. The rest of your guard is too weak. Didn't that merchant give you an odd look at the last feast? Best stay a little longer, just until you're safe. If pressed too much during this period, the Hound might very well bite the hand that feeds him. He'd like the excuse of being sent away.

Sparks and relationship

When this strange friendship changes to romance is hard to say. He'll not be sober when he makes any deeper feelings known. A blunder. Something Sandor planned to keep his mouth shut about until he died. As a relationship begins to form between you, his support will grow into new areas. If someone rubs you the wrong way, he'll make a note and whisper an insult in your ear. He'll do that too many that trouble you. It's not a brotherhood, but he knows just how annoying it is to be surrounded by whispers and fleeting looks.

Sandor would have found joy in Essos, in your service, and unlike in his homeland, he would have been open that you were the man that he loved... you would have protected him from the hardships that await him.

[numbknee]

Enough of the suffering thru the asks abt all the other cartman ships, what abt your brain rot? 🥺 what *are* your thoughts on kyman?? Go ham dude

ooooh dear... where to begin with the kyman brainrot....... I guess I’ll start at the beginning. VERY LONG POST under the cut. this is basically my kyman meta magnum opus lmao

I’ve talked about this ad nauseam before, but I really, REALLY didn’t want to get into south park. I had only ever watched like 2 full episodes before 2021 and I simply did not understand the appeal. I just thought the draw to the show was the shock factors: gross-out humor, children swearing and committing violence, and blatant bigotry played for laughs. I didn’t understand how it could be so popular other than “well I guess there are lots of horrible people out there who like this horrible show.” 

I grew up in a very WASP-y town and had peers in elementary/middle school who learned about the existence of antisemitism and other bigotries through south park. because kids are stupid and don’t understand satire, many of them took it at face value and were able to have shittons of words added to their vocabulary to put people down and insult them. it was horrible tbh. and I hated the show for that, even as a young kid. I personally wasn’t perfect by any means but even as a snot-nosed, extremely sheltered little white girl I knew that you just shouldn’t do that shit. our school system in particular lauded the “golden rule” constantly (we had to do a school-specific pledge after the pledge of allegiance every day... yeah I know, very american) and I was like “cmon, you guys can’t even follow that ONE RULE to be a semi-decent human being?? really??”

anyway at the end of 2021, my younger brother asked me to watch the post-covid specials with him and he was very excited about it. I was immediately hesitant, especially because in recent years he has become alarmingly incel-y and took a hard turn to the right while I became a leftist. I reluctantly agreed to sit through it to try to understand him more because, even though his political ideology sucks ass, he’s still my brother and I do love him. 

so I watched the specials, and I came out the other side of it shell-shocked with how surprisingly good the writing was. THIS stupid show, the show that all this time I thought was bottom-of-the-barrel comedy, was... GOOD??? particularly regarding CARTMAN?? 

the only things I knew about cartman going into it were the following: he’s fat, he says the name “kyle” weird, and he’s a horrible antisemite. and they made him grow up to be a freaking RABBI. it completely caught me off guard and *gasp* actually made me laugh???? what???? 

there were plenty of other things I loved about the post-covid specials, like my depressed ass relating WAAAY too hard with stan, the extremely on-the-nose satire of the state of advertisement/capitalism with the stupid “denny’s applebee’s max” restaurant chain gag and all the old people being shoved into a giant prison retirement home once they aren’t productive anymore, kenny getting sick of the gang’s bullshit and writing “FUCK THESE HOES” on a beloved childhood photo, butters become a snake-oil salesman for NFTs, kyle being told to “think like a kid” and like 2 seconds later realizing they need to look up kenny’s ass. I could go on but you get the point. 

I liked it way more than I thought I ever would. and obviously, I often find south park funny for different reasons than my brother does because matt & trey are very good at toeing the line of appealing to both sides of the american political spectrum, but it’s become a point of bonding between us in the year since I started watching the show and I’m grateful for that. 

of course, since i’m terminally on tumblr and ao3, I also started to dive into the fandom of south park. I had heard about the whole creek thing years ago and waved it off as a stupid gag but then I realized wait, holy shit, there’s actually a GIGANTIC shipping culture around south park??? at first I got into style because of the interesting concept of post-covid kyle and stan reconnecting after decades apart and not being the same people they used to be but trying to make it work anyway (I even wrote a fic about it ahahaa...) 

but after a while I got tired of the ship because as I watched the rest of the show, I realized their relationship just wasn’t as interesting as I thought it would be. like they’re best friends but... why? because they’ve known each other forever? they both like video games? they make fun of cartman together? the fact they’re “super-best-friends” is kind of taken for granted by the show and the audience, but imo matt and trey never really explore the intricacies of their relationship very much. y’all can disagree with me on this but idk, all I know is that I got bored with style as a ship after like 2 months.

while scrolling through ao3 and tumblr, I ran across kyman fics/fanart for the first time back in february or so. at first I was appalled because... why the everloving fuck would you ship the blatant antisemite with the jewish kid??? really???? isn’t style a much better choice??? but sheer curiosity got the better of me, so I did what I always do when I’m curious about a ship: select for fics with kyle broflovski/eric cartman, sort by kudos, and read the first result (or in this case the second because the first had creek as the main ship). y’all know which fic that is if you’ve even slightly gotten into kyman. it was interesting, but I personally didn’t see them as the actual characters from the show in that fic. they were fandom versions of kyle and cartman, with their personalities changed enough to fit the standard mlm shipping dynamic that’s popular in fandom spaces (particularly regarding dom/sub aspects). I’ve seen it happen in plenty of other fandoms so I wasn’t surprised, but I still couldn’t see how it could possibly work if one were to use their canon character depictions. 

all the while I was making my way through episodes of the show cuz it’s long af, and over time I became more and more intrigued with kyle and cartman’s relationship. cartman quickly became my favorite character in the show because of how fucking complex and layered his personality is (see my tags on this post), and though kyle despises cartman in countless ways, he still is the only one who consistently tries to find goodness in him, tries to make him change for the better, saves him when no one else will, and remains his friend despite everything. it’s a remarkably complex dynamic.

little hints of kyman started creeping up on me: cartman being frequently queer-coded as a closeted gay kid. kyle getting extremely jealous of cartman and heidi’s relationship. both of them on separate occasions saving the other from death or injury without wanting any credit for it or lording it over each other. “we've been through a lot together, and... maybe that alone doesn't make us friends, but it makes us something” 

needless to say, I started to get it. and then I encountered the straw that broke the camel’s back: “know your enemy” by elsen on ao3. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’ve read that fic probably over a dozen times. it was shockingly well-written and so in-tune with the style and tone of the show that I was like “is this person spirit-channelling trey parker or something wtf???” and all of a sudden, I could see how, in a different universe, kyman could actually be an endgame ship. 

what sold me on it the most was how in-character it seemed for cartman to be a repressed, denial-ridden sub, especially regarding his desired relationship with kyle. there’s plenty of canon evidence that cartman has a secret crush on kyle (see this vid by johnny 2 cellos), but there’s no way that kyle could reciprocate those feelings, right?? imo kyle would probably rather die than enter a romantic relationship with cartman where he had to submit to him all the time, but if cartman would want kyle to be dominant over him??? where kyle has control and is able to curb cartman’s problematic behavior as he sees fit??? that opens up a whole other door of possibilities.

I think what kyle wants more than anything else in the world regarding cartman is for the goodness he sees deep down inside him to come to the surface, and for kyle to be the one to guide him (or force him when necessary) to becoming a better person through love and patience and inherent understanding of his fucked up little head??? I can definitely see kyle wanting that (especially since I see kyle as a repressed, denial-ridden sadist/dom lmao; see this post for my thoughts on that). 

it was all downhill from there. I found tons of other cool kyman shippers on tumblr and twitter whose writing and fanart helped suck me in even more and I’ve been stuck in kyman hell ever since. special shoutout to the asker for her kyman analysis posts that inspired this fic I wrote! love u boo <3

ANYWAY that’s how I became a whore for kyman lolololol ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ have a nice day everybody

[eyes-up-hunter]

Wolf Like Me

I went to college in a small southern town, a little Methodist university. I was a country boy that went a little to the left and got into books, indie rock, punk, emo and absurd humor. Imagine, if you will, a 5’11 skinny ass fella in wranglers, cowboy boots, UT Vols hat and a Radiohead hoodie. Sophomore year had this intense sexual energy swirling around, indescribable in a lot of ways. There was something in the air or water somewhere that broadened the spectrums of a lot of guys that might have previously identified as purely heterosexual. That year no one was really off limits.

I’m not the most attractive fella, nor am I smooth, but I could always make people laugh and that usually got me invited to gatherings. Met a guy in geography class named Jesse, short stop for the baseball team, ashen blonde, tall and lanky with a mouth that twanged and rolled like a banjo. One night around a bonfire a we ran out of tobacco and beer all at once. Someone needed to go get the smokes, dip and a 12 pack. I was sober so I volunteered, Jesse shot me a look and I asked him if he wanted to ride along. He did.

The trip to The Jiffy was quick and with supplies procured we were headed back. I asked if he minded that I took the long way back. He nodded approvingly, so I took a route that was longer and more winding. Bombing the backroads is a common country pastime, so all was well. Jesse knew I liked music and asked if I played or sang. I told him not well, and he laughed. I plugged my iPod into the little green Ford Ranger’s aux port and scrolled over to find a song that felt right, found “Wolf Like Me” by TV on The Radio. The song and the band who wrote it had already had their time in the Sun a few years prior, but I figured Jesse probably never heard it and the big orange full moon made it feel appropriate.

I pressed play and turned the volume up. It starts with what sounds like an alarm clock going off, followed by this intense driving drum beat and a droning guitar part drenched in psychedelic fuzz. Right before the singing starts Jesse looks at me with a cocked eyebrow arched so high it was starting to disappear under his ball cap.

“What the hell is this?”

The vocals kicked in and I began belting out the lyrics like I was responding to his question. It was perfect timing and at times I think divinely inspired. I never did consider myself much of a singer, but something about that song that night on that road made me feel like a rockstar and I gave it everything I had.

“Say say my playmate, won’t you lay hands on me?”

I did my best blues man impression, injecting every line and couplet with all of the longing, agony and passion I could muster. It felt like I was channeling some tortured soul lost beyond the crossroads. When the song came to the bridge, a seductive reprieve, a bit slower and expressive than the verse and chorus, I alternated my sight between the road and Jesse.

“Dream me, oh dreamer, down to the floor, Open my hands and let them weave onto yours”

From the light of the dash I could see his face, a quizzical softness In his eyes, mouth curled into a kind of surprised or confused crooked smile with part of his lip planted between his teeth. He had one hand grasped tightly around the handle above the passenger side window, the other clawing into his jeans just above the knee.

I pointed the truck along a ditch about fifty or sixty yards from where the rest of the crew was and could see the glow of the bonfire through the tree line. I dropped the gear shift into neutral and put down the parking brake just as the song was ending.

“We’re howling forever, oh, oh”

The line repeats five times as the song draws to a close with the instruments fading. I killed the engine right after the final repetition. Perfect timing. Just as I let the keys fall into my hand I heard the click of a seatbelt being unfastened and felt a hand on the back of my neck. I looked over in time to see Jesse’s face getting closer, his eyes closed and lips puckered. A few seconds later his free hand was fumbling with my belt.

I don’t know what it was, either the song itself, the way I sang it, the full moon or maybe just the confidence the dark country roads gave me. I saw more pairs of Under Armor Boxer Jocks that semester than I ever have since.

[shivvy-roy]

what are your thoughts on the paralells/anti-parallels between the gallagher’s and the roy’s like two families growing up under an abusive father and absentee mother but at the opposite ends of the class spectrum i’ve never seen anyone compare the two families but I’ve always kinda thought about the succession and shameless comparison idk why it’s always fascinated me

i am SO GLAD you asked me this question!!

both succession and shameless are, at their core, shows about how abusive parenting impacts children, but at wildly different income brackets, so in that way it's really interesting to draw parallels between similar characters from the shows and see how class further influences what happens as a result of a person's emotional trauma.

a really good example is kendall vs lip

both are second-oldest children who, along with the eldest sibling, act as pseudo-parents to the younger kids. kendall starts off the show established as an addict, whereas lip develops an alcohol addiction in later seasons. kendall, however, continues to fail upward despite his addiction, losing at an attempt to destroy his father but then bouncing back an episode later. there are bottomless pits of money dedicated to his recovery and he half-manages to parlay his status as an addict into a party boy persona. he literally kills a waiter as an effect of his desire to do drugs and faces zero consequence. lip, on the other hand, hits rock bottom as a result of his addiction, being expelled from college and ending up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, where he is mainly concerned about being able to afford the bill, which is a concern kendall would never have had.

then there's also connor vs fiona

since we come into succession with all the roy kids as adults, we don't get to see connor as pseudo parent in the same way fiona was in shameless, where she acts as a mother to her siblings to the extent of feeding and clothing them. we do however see glimpses of the relationship between connor and his siblings as well as references to past events (like taking them on a camping trip or roman and connor fishing in montana) that imply that connor stepped in as a dad for much of his siblings' childhoods. then again, all connor ever had to do was provide emotional support, since the support system wasn't going anywhere. fiona, as her siblings' mom, has to drop out of high school (i believe the show says at age 14) to start working full time, and takes on sexually degrading jobs to earn enough money to survive.

both connor and fiona also lash out at their siblings when their hard work as pseudo-parent is not acknowledged or is mocked (like connor at kendall's birthday party or fiona like 39258x times through the series (shes right tho)) because they feel like they are being taken for granted.

the ways in which logan and frank abuse their children have some similarities and differences!

both of them use the withholding of affection as a means to get their children to do their bidding. both also use them as a means to an end to getting money- frank literally robbing his children, and logan using his children as props to close multi-billion dollar business deals.

frank also relies on his children to keep him alive to a certain extent, whereas logan makes it a point to demonstrate to his children how little he needs them.

then there is also a similarity between caroline & roman and monica & ian- absentee mothers who have a favorite child whom they lavish affection on and so are faithfully defended by that child even when other siblings voice their very legitimate complaints. it also just so happens that both roman and ian struggle with their sexuality in various ways.

to a lesser degree i also see similarity between shiv and debbie in that they are both young(er) women desperately trying to prove themselves to their brothers- though, of course, debbie does this by going through with a teenage pregnancy that everyone tells her to abort to prove she can function as a mother, and shiv does this by trying to outwit them into becoming ceo of a media conglomerate

[hypocriticaltypwriter]

sorry for asking 2 questions in one day but I NEED to info dump rq !!!

Batty keeps eating the oozsquitoes, so he keeps mutating, making him incredibly strong. And animalistic. So he goes rabid sometimes:).

I head canon that Karai and her siblings have a secret language of chirps, grunts and hiss’ they use to communicate.

Batty is a good singer, but cannot dance for his life. He will just shuffle awkwardly.

Although Batty would like to be romantic, he’s far too shy to actually do anything like cuddling and heaven forbid a kiss; but he’ll still make a card or two. And maybe some flowers. And maybe some cookies-

He’s a good artist, doing mostly doodles and bad portraits because he’s never been able to explore his talent/passion.

Patrick is incredibly flexible too, being able to catch, hold and even draw with his feet!

Patrick doesn’t use his wings that much so they’re often cramped.

During the winter, all the Hamatos take turns cuddling him and using him as a blanket. Even CJ (Casey Jr.) has gotten in on this trend. As much as Batty wants to complain, he likes to be hugged by everyone.

Patrick is a very mixed sleeper. He will either sprawl himself out (when he’s extremely comfortable or with someone he trusts), or will do the “put in a coffin” pose. But when he’s EXTREMELY comfortable he will do the bat-burrito wrap. (Usually, Karai is in the middle of the wrap.)

Batty is on the spectrum, so he finds it hard to express his emotions. He doesn’t know why he wants to flap his wings and hands around wildly when he sees something that makes him happy, but he doesn’t do it out fear. (Btw; this will be a plot point in a little one shot.)

Patrick is surprisingly good with kids, despite being cold on the outside, he has a real soft spot.

Patrick’s wings act like 2nd hands! But, they’re not useful for actual things.

I think Karai has a scar on her back from a Kraang attack (image below ⬇️)

Batty, at first, had a huge rip in his wing from being hurt by a Kraang, but Karai patched him up and now he can fly again!

Patrick used his wings to group hug up to 7 people, if we squish.

Patrick can speak 2 languages: English (fluid) and Brazilian (almost fluid). His mother used to speak Brazilian to him, and he gradually learned. unfortunately, he doesn’t have an accent.

I head canon Niccolo as nonverbal, using hand signs and churrs to communicate to his siblings. I also really like the dynamic of mute/nonverbal (nicolo) and the one person that understands them completely (jago).

Patrick, (when he finally learns that maybe stimming isn’t bad), gets whole body wiggles and puffs up.

Textures, but more specifically sounds, is something that really bothers Batty. Like, nails scraping against asphalt is just a big “UGH GET IT AWAY FROM ME” thing. He also gets really itchy when he’s uncomfortable, sleepy or upset.

Patrick’s hair is really unclean. He licks himself on a daily basis, but unfortunately he can’t reach the top of his head, so his hair is always gross. Also, he never really learned self care tactics or how to wash, so that was fun to learn:).

Tamsin basically adopted him immediately. Like, the full “This is my son now, if anything happens to him I’m going to kill everyone in this room and then myself.”

Patrick gets jealous easy! I know, I know, crazy! But, he just can’t help but let the thoughts get to him. (Watch out, Karai, there’s going to be a lot of overprotective snuggling.)

As much as Karai doesn’t see it, Batty thinks she’s absolutely beautiful. Almost always staring at her with adoring eyes. He often gets lost in daydreams and other places.

Once, Batty found a post card from Paris, and that’s all he would dream about for a week. Then Karai came a long and now Karai in Paris is all he could dream about.

Batty is about above average height, stand in around 5” 7’. His wing spans is almost 7 feet, though, only looking smaller because he folds them up very tight.

Batty has literally never eaten food before, like, ever. He’s never tasted anything besides mutant silverfish and leaves.

(Should probably mention for future reference; Batty comes from the Scavengers, a group that hard working tech to sell off to less fortunate people. So, when the resistance in the scavengers come together, Donnie was given a HUGE pile of working tech! iPhones, video cameras, old TVs, remotes and even a Nintendo Switch!)

OKAY FACTS OVER QUESTION TIME🪄

Does the Resistance have a garden? Because you mentioned about how Tamsin was cooking, and more specifically chopping, so that got me wondering.

Did Donnie replicate the Anti-Kraang formula? Because I saw that it’s an “organic-based shield” so I was thinking the blue stuff from the beginning of the movie, Donnie replicated and is continuing to make and give to people across the country.

Is there any fresh water, or do they have to travel to the Great Lakes/ocean to get it?

What Karai look like as a human? Or her brothers turtles?

Do they have working cellphones or do they use radios?

Does Karai have oldest daughter syndrome? I just feel like helping your mom out at such an early age would give Karai some kind of pressure to always watch after her siblings. (Not talking from experience, if that’s what you’re wondering.)

What’s the kids favorite tv show?

Do any of the kids like to draw?

Do they go on missions by themselves to prove that they’re not too young? (Feels like that’s a David thing to do.)

Has Mikey gone full “mystic meditation; dni unless emergency” or is he still part of the group?

Does Leo still blame himself? Do all of them blame themselves?

Anyway, sorry for info dumping, I just needed to tell you!!! And ask some questions since they were on my mind. Don’t forget to drink water and eat food. I will make you eat your veggies if I have too.

-Lord Freg💛💛

My my, you just love making me want to info dump about my AU and ocs and I love you so much for it 👀

AND NOW YOUVE GIVEN ME ACESS TO SO MUCH FLUFF AND ANGST STORIES/ART WITH BATTY??? YES PLEASE 🖐✊️🖐✊️

Had me giggling and kicking my feet with how much Batty likes Karai, my SOUL left my body/pos about the Paris thing

Also, Karai does have scars on her back from a Krang attack! (Hey that rhymes) She got them when she was super little though.

Now, to answer your questions!!

Does the Resistance have a garden? 🌱

Yes! Yes it does! It took a few years to find some way to grow any food I'm the conditions of the apocalypse, but Donnie and Mikey were the ones who were able to discover a way to nourish and keep soil +food alive!

Its also a big greenhouse that I'm trying to think wether is inside the base, or out somewhere, but it's a safer chance for it to be inside lol.

Fun fact: Mikey spends a lot of time in the greenhouse If he's not meditating or practicing his mystic abilities. Niccolo loves hanging out with his favorite uncle (dont tell Leo) in the greenhouse, which is where the boy has grown a huge liking for plants! He likes how he and his uncle can spend time without too much chatter or anything too over stimulating for him, it's just his pace.

Note: you're headcanon of Niccolo is 100% correct! The same goes for Maggie, who usually only communicates with chirps or churrs alike- except she doesnt know how to talk.

She has a hard time grasping how to speak, and just gets her little mind stressed put if she doesn't get it right, so she keeps to herself with different ways of communicating.

Did Donnie Replicate The Anti-Krang Formula? 🔋

As a matter of fact, yes he did! Well-kind of.

We know the movie, April steals some of the plant killing stuff, and in the original timeline, she probably showed it to someone, specifically Donnie.

I feel whilst trying, and failing to figure anything put for this sheild, Donnie is near ready to give up until April shows him something she's had on her for a while.

She carried the smallest- and I mean smallest vile of the blue substance, around her neck, she'd always had it just in case since that little of it could knock out Prime krang if she wanted it to.

So, with that to work off of, Donnie got to studying and crafting!

Is There Any Fresh Water? 💦

Sadly no, they do have to travel to get most of it, which is only a weekend trip that either Raph and Mikey go do, seeing they can carry tons of water supply back with them, but that doesn't make it any less tricky...

What Karai Look Like As A Human? Or Her Brothers Turtles? 🐢

I actually have a pic of Karai human! Still have to draw the brothers... But if imma be honest the boys would probabl all lookthe same 😅minus different colored markings.

Do They Have Working Cellphones? 🌐

Nope! All cellular towers and such were brought down by the krang. They do communicate via radios, Donnies tech wristbands, and like, you know those hologram things in StarWars? Kinda like that if they need to call someone.

Im also gonna answer the Kids Fav TV show question while we're here too.

Since there's no internet and such, they're reduced to either shows Donnie has saved on tapes, or VHS Splinter had kept over the years. (Thank Heavens he kept that old VHS player 🙏)

Their favorite shows range from like-3 episodes of Bluey to Black Cauldron on VHS LMAO.

Does Karai Have Oldest Daughter Syndrome?💝

Afraid so, it's obvious it was bound to happen when she was told help out her mom while Donnie was gone... And she may have taken that a bit too close to heart.

In fact, Tam or Don never pressured the 'Eldest Daughter' idea on Karai, her thinking she was supposed to be the oldest, supposed to be the one who handled all her siblings. Even when Donnie came home, she's just a bit ancy to help put in any way, feeling like she's useless if she doesn't.

Do Any Of The Kids Like To Draw? 🖋

Oh definetly! I think David and Niccolo enjoy it more than others since they can express themselves through it more.

Do They Go On Missions Themselves?🏕

When their older? Yes. At their age now? Absolutely not on Donnies watch. He watches them like a hawk if they decide to go rogue without him or any adult watching them.

They have gone with their dad or mom to like- visit other bases, or even go with their uncles for trading, water, or supply-but NEVER by themselves.

David has tried but he always gets caught... Same goes for Karai.

Has Mikey gone full “mystic meditation; dni unless emergency” 🤔

If this question takes place after Donnie has gone, yes. Rarely is he ever seen out of his room-only popping here and there to say hello and check in, but that's like-only once every two months.

Niccolo misses his uncle, and he cries a lot about it, so much so Tam has to find the boy leaning against his uncles door in tears, it breaks her heart.

Does Leo still blame himself? Do all of them blame themselves? 💔

Can you even call it a ROTTMNT AU if their isn't any Leo angst? Lol but seriously, yes, they allblame themselves for the invasion, Leo the most.

A lot of them blame themselves for many things during the apocalypse too, Donnie blames himself for Karais Krang injury, Mikey for a mission gone wrong, where he couldn't save a labor camp, Raph for feeling like he's falling the older brother role- a lot of angst coming yalls way.

And I think that's all of them! TYSM for the asks I loved exploring into some of my Future AU stuff! Especially the guys since I haven't done much to dig deeper in their characters :]

[renee-writer]

Out of Time Chapter Seventy-four

AO3

The honeymoon period ends with wee Alex. Mary’s cry rouses all. Jamie, sleeping in a room beside them, gets there first. Jenny and the children aren’t far behind.

 

“What?”

 

“Jamie! He is hot, feverish.” He takes the lad while his sister and the children stand mute outside the door.

 

“What is wrong?” he coos, even as he, unbundles him and goes to take his temperature. He finds Mary is right. He is feverish. Now to find out why.

 

“Jamie?” his sister, Maggie in her arms and the lads around her, looks at him.

 

“38.8°” He reports. Not to high for someone Maggie ‘s age but for Alex, it is scary.

 

“I will get these guys resettled and come help.” He nods, thinking. Blood, urine, does he want to try and reduce the fever? They are helpful, up to a point. Has that line been crossed yet?”

 

“Mary, is he nursing?” He prepares to draw blood.

 

“Off and on. It was what first concerned me. He would nurse for a bit, fuss, nurse some more.”

 

Ears and throat, he thinks. The lad takes the blood draw without complaint. Jamie wishes he would fuss. His quiet acquiescence concerns him more then the fever.

 

Jenny returns. “What can I do?”

 

“We are going to give him a full exam. I will check his ears, throat, chest, and wame, after I start testing his blood. Will need to catch him for urine and may need to tap him.”

 

“What him?”

 

Jamie stops and reminds himself that she is an excellent help but not a nurse. “Spinal tap, but only if I fail to find anything else.” He assures both women, who both grew pale at the idea.

 

He caths him first. His urine will tell him a lot, including if he is dehydrated from the off and on feeding. He listens to his chest and back, checks his ears and throat.

 

“Are you going to give him paracetamol?” Jenny asks.

 

“Debating. Fever, as you know, jump starts the immune system.”

 

“Aye, and makes little ones miserable.”

 

“A bit of redness in his ears. It could be Otis media, a simple ear infection but, I also hear a deep congestion in his chest.”

 

“How did he get so sick, so fast?” Mary holds her baby, stripped down to just a nappy, against her chest.

 

“With little ones, it happens that way sometimes. Their bodies aren’t as able to fight off the germs.”

 

“I thought nursing…”

 

“Breast milk is best, no doubt, especially with his prematurity.”

 

“What do we do?”

 

With an older baby, or even one at term, he would wait. The risk of antibiotic resistant being so high but…”I will treat him with broad spectrum antibiotics. Unless his fever gets higher or interferes with his ability to feed, I am leaving it untreated. It boast his immune response. He has a slight UTI and is a bit dehydrated so I am also starting an IV and giving saline .”

 

She nods, rocking him. “He will be alright?”

 

“He will be a bit miserable for awhile but, he should be just fine.”

[datasgirlfriend]

Baby on board. (Mizzy)

Izzy tells Murdock some news.

Tagging: @auxiliarydetective @starlit-ocs @starlightocs​

Hannibal had been her first port of call, No idea why, but as soon as she had found out the news, she went straight to him.

The farmhouse had been gradually made more homely as money piled up and Pippa had been coming around more often, to the point where Izzy almost expected her to greet her at the door, not Hannibal.

“May I be the first to offer my congratulations, Ghost.” Hannibal handed her a fresh can of grape soda. He had read somewhere or heard from someone that caffeine was bad for a lady in Izzy’s situation. 

“Thanks Pops.” Izzy cracked open the can, it fizzed.

“Have you told the good Captain yet?”

“Just you.” She sipped her drink “Not even my own Uncle knows..” 

She chuckled, Isabelle Walton, Pregnant, a miracle. 

She’d never thought about having children, it seemed Mitch already had a handle on carrying on the Walton name and that satisfied her mom. 

She thought she’d hate the idea, babies screamed all day and when they weren’t screaming they were shitting. 

But the idea of having a child, Murdock’s child, made her look forward to the experience. 

“Well Murdock’s going to be over the moon.” Hannibal addressed the doubts Izzy had been thinking on the drive over, Sometimes she swore he could read minds. 

“You think so?”

“I know so.” He grinned “And even if he isn’t…Well B.A can help him see sense.” 

She laughed, “Glad for your vote of confidence.”

                                                                    X

Hannibal volunteered himself to get Murdock out of the VA, Izzy was more than happy to do it but Hannibal fed her some lines about how riding a motorcycle in her condition wasn’t the smartest idea.

She had to admit he was right. 

She heard the car pulling up outside and voices, before the front door opened and Murdock walked in.

“Iz?” He looked confused “What's going on? Hannibal just threw me outta his car…said he had to take care of some stuff and that you’d explain.” 

Izzy stood up, this shouldn’t be as nerve racking as it is.

They had held their own against guns with machine guns together, escaped burning buildings, survived plane crashes together.

They were married, for Christ’s sake.

And yet she felt like a nervous teen asking her date to the prom. 

“Doc..” She hid her shaking hands in the sleeves of her sweater “I have news.”

“News?” 

Concern flashed over his features.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah..Yeah fine.”

“Then why you so quiet?” He walked over to her and pressed the back of his hand to her forehead “You sick?” 

She had in fact been throwing up minutes before, either morning sickness or nerves, she couldn’t tell.

Fuck she hoped the mouthwash and breath mint did their jobs.

She reached up and took his hand, she kissed his knuckles, that at least calmed her down.

“I-I…” she closed her eyes, frustrated at herself, she took a deep breath and opened her eyes, meeting his.

“We’re…We’re gonna have a baby.”

His eyes lit up, for a second she half expected them to pop out of his skull like in the old cartoons. 

She took his hand and placed it over her stomach, not quite sure why, she knew enough about biology to know that whatever was growing in her properly looked more like an alien than a baby.

But that's what people did, right? They felt the tummy, she’d seen Mitch talk to Jessica’s bump like it was going to respond. 

“A..A baby?” 

His voice was soft, full of disbelief. 

“You and me?”

“Unless the next son of God is going to be born, then yeah.”

He laughed “Fuck.”

He grabbed her waist and was picking her up before she could even blink, he spun her around.

Thankfully, She didn’t feel sick. 

“You and me…we created a baby..” he placed her back on the floor and cupped her cheeks in his hands “How?”

“Do I need to draw you a diagram?” She smiled “You were there..”

He grinned and placed kisses all over her face.

“You and me…And a baby…” 

His voice cracked, there were tears in his big brown eyes.

“The littlest Murdock..” 

He was crying, and now she was too.

Odd how both ends of the emotional spectrum end in tears. 

“You’ve made me ruin my makeup..” she whipped her tears on her sleeves 

“Ruin it..who cares? You’ve got a new life forming inside you..” he looked concerned again “and I spun you around…like an idiot.”

“I’m fine, I’m not made of glass, Doc.”

“You ain’t but the little one is…no more cigarettes..or riding your bike….or beer or cheap roadside burgers…” 

“So no more fun?”

A serious look crossed his face, the fake stern look he got when he was about to say something so out of character for him it became a joke.

“Nope, no fun.” He was doing a German accent “You will be locked in this house and given 24/7 surveillance.”

“Do I still get kisses?” She batted her eyelashes “Or are those against the new rules, commandant?”

“You may have one.” He held up his pointer finger “This once.” 

He kissed her, soft and warm, all her stress melted away, They were going to be a family.

God help that poor kid.

[erigold13261]

For a change of mood, can we get your queer/pronoun HCs for the Spiderverse cast so far? I love you platonically!

Aw thanks! I care for you as well! (also you help prove my point that people come to me asking for my opinions lol, so thank you for that!)

But uh, I don't really have any queer headcanons outside of what has already become known on this blog lol. For some reason I just can't put effort into making headcanons for these characters. I think it's because they are a lot more established than the NSR characters and have lots of lore behind them.

I'll try to give what I do have so far though! Maybe a new one will pop up while typing this.

-Peni using kit/kitself pronouns

-Hobie using it/they pronouns mainly

-Actually, I like aroace Hobie too! Put that one down for me as well!

-Miles being bisexual

-Gwen is straight and trans

-Ganke is probably gay. I have a few asks with him I still need to answer about that I think.

-I don't personally have this, but there's an ask for T4T Pav and Gaya which I think is super cute (and hope to draw for so sorry that hasn't been answered yet).

-Peter Porker being genderfluid, or like some kind of genderfluid (like librafluid or something like that on the agender spectrum).

-I don't know anything about Jessica's lore, but I like the idea her husband is a transman and they used IVF or a sperm donor for Jess to get pregnant (Jess sees herself as straight but she is in a queer relationship so kinda counts for this)

-There was an ask about Miguel being a lesbian that I kinda liked (another one I want to draw for). Though I think personally I won't be using this headcanon, it is a cool one to think about like the T4T Pav and Gaya one!

-Noir being agender. Or somewhere on that spectrum. I forget what an asker sent in for a specific label, maybe it was agender switched from NB (or the other way around), either way they/them Noir!

-Honestly T4T MJ and Peter B is one that I might lean into

-Lesbian Margo is one I am thinking of leaning into as well (mainly because someone sent an ask for Margo and Tila which I honestly think is so cute and again want to draw that).

-Also Peni and Yinu becoming a couple (another ask I got) is something I can see happening (Yinu in the NSpidR AU is about 13 going on 14 and Peni would be about 14 going on 15, somewhere in that range. Similar with Margo and Tila, Margo is like 17, maybe 18, for me while Tila is 18 maybe about to be 19 if Margo is 18. I don't have set ages honestly).

-Um... I don't know, I kinda like the idea that the Vulture is a gay old man that acts like those two muppets that make fun of everyone lol. Him and Elivy could talk mad trash about stuff hehe

-Olivia might be an aroace lesbian.

-I definitely think Jonathan has some queerness to him but don't know exactly what (now all I can think of are glory hole jokes lol!)

So yeah, I think that's all I got. Got a few new ones along with acknowledging some asks I got from a while ago I do plan on trying to answer at some point. Honestly most of these were from asks that I got from other people and I just absorbed their headcanons into my canon lol.

Especially that Peter Porker one! I initially was gonna have him be the cishet one of the group but then the whole looney tunes/bugs bunny genderfluid thing came up and I just had to incorporate that!

Anyway, thanks for the ask! My inbox has quite a few asks I plan to answer (and to not answer) so hopefully I can get the ball rolling on those! I just am also trying to draw a comic, get commissions done, redesign OCs and get a job. So a lot of stress, but I'm overall happy! (and now I'm just full on rambling lol. Have a good day/night! You deserve it!)

[2n2n]

do you know of any good jshk doujins...

SADLY no. But I can at least rec you artists I like in general, some of whom make comics or what have you, and then rec you tags to check on pixiv if it helps? NSFW links and mentions under the cut lol. I'm sorry if you don't even want that specifically, ig that's what 'doujin' connotates to me LOL. Nonetheless most of these recs are SFW.

this artist on twitter makes my absolute favorite comics/art... hopefully someday I'll be able to buy their doujins (god, I wish I could read their novels... *shakes down my husband to become proficient in JP faster*)..... as you can imagine I'm super picky about characterization and arrangement. This artist's take on Tsukasa issss.... a sort of sasoi uke. He wants to encourage Amane to attack him. I really love their work regarding the shinjuu. They capture an aspect of Amane not often well depicted..... They're locked right now, but they do frequently unlock. If you're curious about their work and wanna see it before following, you can DM me and I can send you some examples of it, if you don't wanna wait for them to unlock or to follow blindly!

Love this artist's work as well, again really good at depicting the shinjuu with respect to what we know of it. on twitter here. I adore this piece sooo much..... they also draw HanaNene!! When someone appreciates both, thats the best...

Nice evocative works from this artist.... also depicts the shinjuu in a way I find rewarding. I guess that's what I'm typically after.

Not into everything this artist draws, but they do a good amount of very soft, tender work of the Yugi, some of my favorite pieces in the fandom. So much overflowing love and adoration. Love this sequence.... this image is like GOD... GOD WE’RE WAITING FOR THE DAAAY!!! PLEEAASE

This artist makes good, evocative pieces of the Yugi.... again just, reverence for Tsukasa and the shinjuu, I need it.... this piece (which reads 'do you love me?') really sticks with me.

You know what else hinders me from being able to rec much NSFW is that I don't like.... anal at all ♥ I'm only really into hand/mouth stuff as far as the twins are concerned, and that's not really so common. Most things want to escalate to penetration .... my dream doujin would be of course Nene x Amane x Tsukasa, but that's rare even in single images, much less a doujin. I've gotta defeat my art block so I can draw it myself TT_TT..... even for HanaNene, I feel like I can't rec much 'cuz it's often depicted a little.... one-note? Just like a normal relationship? I'm as underwhelmed by depictions of HanaNene as a normal couple as I am depictions of the Yugi as a one-note abusive over the top rape yaoi, you know? Both ends of the spectrum are underwhelming.

there are a lot of comics of Yashiro getting fingered on pixiv..... I couldn't point you to entire doujins however, much less anything translated-- and even among the short comics on pixiv, nothing's really leapt out at me thus far (sad). Gomen. Stuff of that nature (doujin) isn't shared/spread in JP fandoms (since it'd be art theft lol), I don't think the eng side is really interested in scanning/translating AmaTsu or HanaNene doujin, lol. Not that I've really seen.....

If you want to browse pixiv yourself though, here's some tags you can use:

つかあま (Yugi ship) 柚木司 柚木普 (Tsukasa and Amane's full names; not everyone tags even NSFW work with their pairing name, many things are just tagged with the characters. So you should always search both!) 花寧々(HanaNene) 花子くん 八尋寧々(Hanako and Nene's names) 柚木兄弟 (Yugi brothers)

[toosmallformyowngood]

Okay so I finally figured out how to get picrew to work and so I went on a spree of making a million different picrews of one of my dumbasses living rent free in my head ocs. I'll probably do more for others later but I just had to get this stupid secretly an eldritch horror twink out into the world and since I cannot draw I have resorted to this. He's not exactly as I pictured him in my head (none of the hair colour options really matched the auburn / burnt umber I was going for, and amber eyes are apparently not common enough that they're a universal option so I bounced between picking brown and yellow. Also skin colour is slightly off but whatever- I'm not allowed to be picky), but close enough. Without further ado, meet Arian, my bastard gremlin bitch boy!

(Tw for cigarettes because he thinks being an unfathomable horror gives him a pass)

He is smiling here and I think this is the only picture where he's genuinely smiling because I ended up just making him look worried in all the others. It's still accurate to his character though because he has anxiety (because he's a dumbass bottom). (On a side note I think this is the one that's closest to his actual canon skin colour. The rest are all too far off-) (Dunno why his eyebrows are that colour tho lol)

Find the link here!

He has a pet rat that makes occasional cameo appearances btw. Her name is Cheezit because Ari panic named her on the spot and it stuck. The rat is like 15 years old at this point and Ari has no idea how long rats are supposed to live but he's starting to get slightly concerned that his rat might be magical. Stop smoking around your pet Arian you are an irresponsible rat owner.

Find the link here!

One more pic ft. Cheezit because I needed everyone to see her agian. (This is one of the ones where his skin is wayyy too light but ah well) (His hair also looks fucky but what am I gonna do about it?)

(Is it just me or does he look twelve? Lmao)

Find the link here!

Bonus picrew of Cheezit lol

(None of the rat options in other picrews are consistent so I guess this counts as Cheezit's canon appearance)

Find the link here!

I made him here in the a TMA picrew maker so that I could dick around with the more "monstrous" features but I made him normal first because I'm nice like that. He's smiling agian but he looks kind of pained lmao.

Find the link here!

Also I surrendered to impulse and put him in a mesh top you're welcome. He looks like that one smug cat meme.

Find the link here!

Anyway this is all him looking fairly normal, but... he gets... worse. I couldn't find a picrew for making full up eldritch monstrosities because A it would be difficult for someone to create and B the whole point in this case is that no one can describe him fully like that, because how do you describe a colour that doesn't exist on any spectrum, or a form that staunchly refuses to follow the established laws of linear physics. That said, I can give him too many eyes, which is one of his canon features when he's not very carefully keeping them "closed". For the sake of the following I'll say he's just sort of... half true appearance? Maybe he's stressed or like, super tired or something. Old one equivalent of waking up and forgetting to put on your underwear except in this case it's forgetting to hide the fact that your shadow looks wrong and also that you are covered in eyes. Obviously tw for body horror in the following but one of them has real eyes and eye contact and a depiction of his fucked up shadow so just fair warning for that. Also tw for some slight unreality because I use the royal "you" and that might be upsetting especially because it's in the context of him panicking and gaslighting the subject, as in "he assures you you're imagining things".

✂️----------✂️

Here's one I made in the TMA picrew. He's very stressed to be showing even a little bit of his actual appearance because he's very insecure so he's holding himself for comfort like an absolute dork. The sparkles around his head aren't part of his appearance I just added them because I'm gay and like sparkles.

Find the link here!

No twink is complete without a mesh top so there's that. I forfeited the extra extra eyes for more tendrils just because I wanted to see what it would look like because I was cruelly forced to pick between one or the other.

Find the link here!

Anyway have some random facts about him since you made it this far, starting with things that should be canon overall to his appearance but I couldn't get in some or any of the picrews:

Annnd here's the one that all those tws were for. He's stressed about something and losing control so he's trying very hard to cover up the eyes with bandages. It is not working and his shadow is still staring directly at you. It doesn't blink even when he does. He is assuring you very insistently that you are imagining things. (Cheezit left the scene and decided to take a nap on Ari's pillow instead of dealing with his bullshit)

Find the link here!

- He has a small mole under his right eye.

- Freckles! Lots of them across his face and shoulders, but they're hard to see because he has dark skin. They're genetic as opposed to sun based, though.

- He's got a tiny scar on the left side of his upper lip. Jokingly tells people he got it from various outrageous stunts but actually he fell on his face playing soccer on the concrete when he was a kid.

- Has a few a lot of piercings. Both of his ears are pierced "regularly" and he usually wears simple, nondescript hoops or studs. He also has those two piercings on the shell of his right ear and a barbell piercing on his right eyebrow. His belly button is pierced but he doesn't wear anything there anymore and the holes have pretty much closed up. Also has dermal piercings down the length of his back that usually hold barbells but get switched out for D rings for circus style body suspension. (He's definitely a bit of a daredevil and likes doing a lot of things people consider to be "extreme" or anything like that, hence why he knows how to pole dance and can manage himself somewhat passably on aerial silks. Plus he just likes the feeling of being up in the air)

- He's arabic, though inherited darker skin from his moms side of the family. Finds it somewhat funny when people keep giving him "subtle" side eyes trying to figure out what race he is.

- Animals tend to be suspicious of him on instinct given the whole uncanny valley vibe he sometimes gives off, but they aren't necessarily repelled by him. They warm up quickly enough if he just chills like any other person and maybe gives them a few treats.

- This man drinks way too much fucking coffee somebody stage an intervention. I'm pretty sure his blood is 90% coffee grounds at this point

- Speaking of blood, his is an ever so slightly off shade of maroon. Looks like blood from a severely dehydrated person even if he's completely fine.

- Also he has genetic high blood pressure. He really needs to get his health in check he's going to give himself a heart attack. Ari stop smoking please-

- In "eldritch form" he likes to attach himself to walls like some kind of fucked up slime mold and just chill there. Will peel off the wall like a cheap sticker if you startle him though and then he'll be pissed because he's just ripped off all the skin on his back like some sunburn from hell. Will also probably whine about the possibility of having ruined his tattoo

- Said tattoo is a 'tramp stamp' on his lower back, just above his ass. It's a tiny snake inked in black that's curled in a figure eight. He got it while he was sort of drunk but he doesn't really regret it. Considered naming it but he dropped the idea when he couldn't think of anything.

- If I had to pick I'd say he's a dog person because he vibes with the energy, but he has no problem with cats at all. Thinks hairless cats are really cute and can and will kiss them on their little heads.

- Dreaded morning person. But also somehow a night owl? Does he even sleep? The answer is yes, but only after he crashes from the caffeine high of like ten cups of coffee. Has no sleep schedule but despite this still gets up at ungodly hours of the morning to go to the gym like an absolute psychopath

- His eyesight is absolute shit and he needs glasses but refuses to wear them. Won't put in contacts either because he thinks they're annoying. Justifies walking into poles and doorframes as being "worth the price". He gets a little bit of a pass though because he is 4d and trying to navigate a 3d world and I don't think they make glasses for that. Still his eyesight is objectively crap either way no matter what so he can't really use it as an excuse.

- He can drive if it's an absolute emergency but he prefers not to for the above reason of his sight being crap. He'll only get behind the wheel if he has no other choice and even then he's internally panicking.

- Surprisingly decent at math. He's not like, Einstein or anything but he can tell you what 9 x 18 is which is more than I can do. This is definitely paradoxical because he is gay and should therefore not be able to do math.

- Favourite food is chicken pad Thai with peanut sauce and if you get some for him he will love you forever. Congratulations, you've acquired a creature. You're never getting rid of him.

- I honestly can't decide if he should be like, a *bajillion years old (*not actually more like 1000) or just, like, twenty. They're both hilarious in different situations and I cannot make up my mind.

- Purrs sometimes, but not like a cat. It just sounds like a guy trying to imitate a purr, which to be fair is a pretty apt description. It sounds silly until you realize he's still purring and he hasn't stopped to take a breath. You look over and notice that his chest is rising and falling steadily even as the noise rumbles out of his throat. He assures you it's just a talent of his.

- Riddled with anxiety just in general and because he has to frequently lie to and gaslight people to avoid outing himself, either as queer or as a monster from collective consciousness worst nightmares. Somebody get him to a psychiatrist.

- Can, will, and does need to eat regular people food, but consumes emotional energy as well. Does this passively when around people with no effects to them or can actively chose to take more via physical contact, effectively erasing thoughts, feelings, or in extreme cases entire memories. Can kill someone like this (because he's not just magically eating feelings, his presence is deteriorating cognitive function and his touch turns grey matter into soup) but he'd have a panic attack over it. Will very much throw up if he "eats" too much, but this only applies to the active taking rather than the passive "aoe" intake. Worth noting that he can't kill via touch or even just generally inconvenience someone with proximity in just a regular "human form" because it's specifically contact with the unfathomable eldritch stuff that melts people's brains into pudding.

- Big on physical affection. Hugs and other assorted touch are his love language. Very much not above faking falling asleep on someone's shoulder.

- Owns entirely too many shirts and like, two pairs of pants. That's an exaggeration but seriously, c'mon man. Buy some pants ffs.

- Probably works customer service for minimum wage but I find it way too funny to make him a stripper sooo-

- Likes plants but has zero green thumb. Compromises with plastic plants and various cacti, which he has surprisingly and much to his delight managed to keep alive.

- I know jack shit about zodiacs but I think he'd have a summer birthday. Idk why it's just the vibes.

- Actually enjoys shitty cheap beer for whatever reason. Further proof that he's insane <3

- Would bring a knife to a gun fight and win but he's cheating because he can cope with ridiculous amounts of damage. Ofc he's not going to walk off a gunshot, but he won't die, and adrenaline is a hell of a motivator until he eventually collapses and has to stagger off with his metaphorical tail between his legs to recover.

- Can't swim. He doesn't exactly sink because buoyancy and all that but he will panic and thrash around and just generally make his situation worse. Not in a comical way though he's not exaggerating he legitimately can't swim. Somebody get him out now before he drowns.

- Doesn't like water in general. Pretty scared of any body of water he can't see the bottom of, and doesn't like pools because agian, he can't swim. Might splash in a puddle or a kiddie pool or something but he mostly prefers just to sit off the the side and vibe. Stacks everyone's towels to make a cushion under him and jokingly refuses to give them back when they come out of the water sopping wet.

- Canonically has addictive personality disorder so do with that what you will

- "Dislikes" vegetables on principle but will eat broccoli. Will pretend like he's dying the entire time though, even though he actually likes it.

- Probably has the dumbest ringtone in the entire world. Either that or he just changes it every week. Maybe both.

- Paints his nails but it always flakes off within a day or two because he can't help but pick at it.

- Carries sunscreen around but not in a mom friend way. It's because he'll give you like seven different types of cancer if you hang around his "true form" too long and he doesn't want to take any risks. It doesn't really help but he's trying his best.

- Can sing decently will but will refuse to if directly asked because he's self conscious. Just take him to a karaoke bar though I guarantee he'll be up on stage in a matter of minutes.

- Can dance semi decently. Worth nothing that he can in fact belly dance though. Learned because he grew up seeing professionals at people's weddings and other big events and thought it looked really cool.

- Really likes trampoline parks but funnily enough despite being pretty agile usually he has absolutely no sense of balance while bouncing. Falls on his face every five seconds but rest assured he's having the time of his life in there.

- Pours the milk before the cereal. No real reason for this other than I like making him a menace to society

- Absolutely the kind of person to overuse the dog Snapchat filter

- Smells weirdly like fresh rain and ozone. And also the generic body wash he uses but still, under that all he smells like a thunderstorm. Pleasant enough at first but a little overwhelming up close or over long periods. Kissing him feels like licking the screen of an old TV, static buzz and a tiny bit frosty.

- Speaking of frosty, he runs cold. 100% will hog the blankets and or put cold extremities all over people in the middle of the night if they're cuddling. He doesn't mean to he's just chilly. What he does mean to do is stick his icy hands down the backs of people's shirts. Only does it to people he knows appreciate the humour though and will stop if asked.

- Has a pretty normal voice, though it has a small bit of unnatural reverb. Just enough that it's there but nearly impossible to place exactly what makes his words sound off. His "eldritch form", however, you do not want to listen to. Tries to be quiet but regardless of volume he'll still inadvertently blow someone's eardrums out because it sounds like he's a recording with all the distortion settings turned up to max. Well, not exactly, that's sort of an exaggeration, but his voice warbles unnervingly and his pitch is split so it sounds like three different people talking at once. Decent enough to listen to if you like horror ambiance noises, but otherwise invest in earplugs.

- Despite having eyes all over his body in that form they aren't really sensitive to pain, nor are they weak points. Stabbing them will only yield about the same reaction as stabbing him anywhere else, and they're no easier to puncture than his skin. Texture and consistency wise they feel almost like cow's eyes that have been preserved in formaldehyde (thanks, middle school biology class). As gross as it seems, gently stroking them will get him to purr. Don't worry about eye juices, they're weirdly dry and rubbery.

- Sometimes he forgets to blink. This is not because he doesn't have to blink, he very much does or his eyes get all scratchy, he's just a dork.

- Can cook average meals but pretty much only makes microwaveable stuff because he does not have his life together.

- Favourite fruit is strawberries, and consequently his favourite flavour ice cream, smoothie, milkshake, etc is all strawberry flavored as well. He's partial to mango too, though.

[odekiisu]

Basic Guide to Clone Trooper Armour

I don’t know about you guys, but I have a hard time keeping the terms for various parts of clone armour straight in my mind. So, I decided to make this Guide To Armour, to make my life easier for those times I’m drawing or writing stuff and need to reference what this, that or the other piece is called, how it’s put on or taken off. (I’ve also tried to include/come up with some casual or slang terms for some parts because you cannot seriously expect these guys to use the Right Proper Terminology for everything all of the time.)

This is based on the Clone Wars cartoons, because that’s what I know best. Also, this is just the standard armour of regular troopers; if y’all want something about the possible additions/variations that you could have then lmk and I’ll see what I can put together I guess?

Note: a lot of this terminology is taken from medieval knights’ armour. Many terms are originally French; alternative names provided where possible. I did do a bit of research on medieval plate armour, which is the closest thing I can think of to clone armour, but I am by no means an expert so if you have any input or corrections feel free to @ me. Likewise, if you’ve cosplayed as a clone trooper or stormtrooper, I’d very much like to hear about your experience wearing this stuff, how it moves and how it might be similar or different to the “real thing” so to speak.

Figure 1: Clone trooper armour, front view. Kix got chosen for this because he’s a vain little bastard and loves to be painted. (ETA: this diagram now comes with a second, funnier version.)

(long post under cut)

Figure 2: Back view of armour.

According to Wookieepedia: The armour is produced on Kamino and has UV spectrum markings visible to Kaminoans. It is made of plastoid-alloy composite, and the plates are attached to the bodysuit via magnatomic gription panels. In general, Phase II armour is lighter, stronger and more ergonomic than Phase I, which has been described as heavy and uncomfortable (Wookieepedia also says that it weighs ‘just under forty kilograms’ which sounds like way too much but eh, I’ll roll with it.)

Body glove/bodysuit – the stuff worn under the armour. Provides thermoregulation, some level of protection from things like blasterfire, vacuum, etc. AKA: blacks.

Helmet – The Bucket. Stuffed full of various tech: tracking device, display screen, comlink… Phase I helmets also have life support capabilities, while Phase II helmets do not, requiring an external oxygen supply*. Helmet crest contains comlink antenna. AKA: bucket, I think Rex once called them sun-bonnets, etc… this is the piece likely to have the most slang terms associated with it. Go wild.

* this is according to Wookieepedia; I’m a bit sceptical but I haven’t yet seen the episode it refers to. I headcanon that Phase II is capable of limited life support for emergency situations, but extended missions require external respirators.

Cuirass – there is some conflicting information on whether this refers to just the front chest armour or both front and back. If both, it consists of breastplate and backplate, joined at the sides and shoulders. Shoulder connections appear to be different for Phase I and Phase II: Phase I has a separate piece covering the shoulder seam, implying that it can be opened, whereas Phase II looks like it has an integrated flexible band; it may or may not be possible to disconnect. Either way, the front and back pieces must be able to separate in order to get the whole thing on.

Plackart – belly piece, wraps around the back to protect kidneys as well. Probably flexible to some extent, has been seen to slide down under belt, as demonstrated by Jesse in Figure 3. Might also have to have at least one open-able seam in it in order for troopers to get into it efficiently.

Figure 3: I have no idea how the lower edge of this isn’t stabbing him in the crotch, but *shrug*.

Spaulder/shoulder bell – also known as pauldrons irl, but that term refers to a different item this context (the pauldrons that commanders, captains and ARC troopers wear), so I feel like it might be better to differentiate between them with different terms to avoid confusion. That’s just my opinion though, you feel free to do as you wish.

Rerebrace – bicep plate. Phase I has cutouts in the back to fit pointy elbows (see below); Phase II does not.

Couter – elbow plate. Pointy elbows in Phase I, unpointy elbows in Phase II, as shown on Figure 4. In Phase I appear to be attached to vambraces in the animated version, Phase II is more mobile. I admit, I’m not a huge fan of this word, I kinda prefer elbow plates.

Figure 4: Phase I and II elbows. Am I getting way too into this that it’s gotten to the point of studying clone elbows? *shrug* who knows.

Vambrace – forearm armour. Has wrist-mounted comlink (see below).

Gauntlet plate – covers back of hand. The 212th absolutely calls these “droid-punchers”, no you cannot convince me otherwise. I think I’ve seen fanon that some troopers sharpen the front edge of this plate to do more damage when punching. Decide for yourself if plastoid alloy would do more damage to the metal of a droid’s chassis if sharpened or unsharpened (and therefore sturdier).

Codpiece/crotch plate – covers the front hip and crotch area. Possible slang term, courtesy of @mockingjay34​: cockblock

Skidplate – covers butt and back hip. A lot of troopers probably just call this piece their shebs, and once again you cannot convince me otherwise. Note that in the clone wars cartoon, Phase I armour is triangular in the back and has a sort of erm… diaper shape, in that the codpiece and skidplate are connected in the crotch (I cannot imagine that being comfortable in any situation, but then again, I have Thicc™ Thighs. Do clones have thigh gaps? Also, I would not want to get pinched by the armour joint between crotch and thigh plates).

Figure 5: Sniper Butts! (Featuring Echo and Fives in quite possibly the only comfortable position in this armour.)

In Phase II the crotch and butt pieces are separated, which sounds a lot more sensible, as well as having better butt coverage – think cheeky panties vs full briefs.

Figure 6: Hardcase kindly demonstrating the new crotch plate alongside some significant gaps in his armour… please get yourself some bigger shoulder bells my dude!

I’d imagine that, given the amount of time these guys spend fully armoured, there should be some way of conveniently opening some of this up or removing individual plates for practical reasons (and if any particular trooper wanted to use this feature for… other things, well, that’s their own business).

Cuisse/Thigh plate – covers thighs. Phase I and II have different shapes in the back to account for skidplate shape, with Phase II having significantly less coverage in the upper thigh/butt area, but I guess better range of motion.

Figure 7: Troopers Hardcase and Dogma demonstrating the Butt Cutouts, or Buttouts.

Poleyn/knee plate/knee pad – important for maintaining kneecap integrity. Like elbow plates, appears to be integrated into greaves in Phase I, but moving freely in Phase II.

Greaves – cover shins, nothing fancy.

Boots – boots. Do not appear to be armoured, are soft enough to bend your toes for walking/kneeling/whatever you need bendy toes for.

Belt pouches/boxes/compartments – A place to keep your stuff when out & about. I’m assuming this is a Pocket Substitute. Clones deserve pockets too!

Comlink – Generally four large square buttons and one smaller one (live action has more buttons). They also have comlinks in their helmets. Wookieepedia mentioned that they used wrist comms in the show so that the audience could clearly see when characters were talking to each other. Possibly used for long-range communication, whereas the ones in the buckets could be for shorter range?

Life support/those box things on their back – I have no idea what they’re actually called but these also have different designs for Phase I and II. On stormtroopers they contain a power pack and a small oxygen supply, and I guess it’s reasonable to assume that they have the same life support function for clone troopers. Also read somewhere that they have comlink scanner for long-range communication?

Thermal detonator – why would they all have bombs on their back? Seems unsafe. Also I don’t think I’ve ever seen one used? Idk. These things confuse me.

[jukeboxindie]

Nil headshot studies for fun! I’m trying to find a good way to draw him in my style without losing his likeness. This style turned out kind of comic book-y lol.

I know this is an art blog but while drawing this, my brain kept analyzing his character and his relationship with Aloy and now I want to info dump this on my friends but it’s so niche they won’t care or know what I’m talking about lmao so I’m just going to do it here under the cut.

I don’t do this often. This is a very casual write-up. (edit: This is so embarrassingly long and unhinged i might actually delete this later haha i’m sorry????)

TL;DR: i have a conversation with myself about overanalyzing a side quest character in a video game. why? no idea. i can’t explain myself. my brain do be like that sometimes.

AKA: nil hot, but the murder thing is a little weird: an essay

Preface: this is my interpretation of the characters. If you interpret them differently that’s valid! Keep doing what you do and have fun with your headcanons. I’m just writing this for fun, you don’t have to agree with me! (i’m also kind of nervous because i never write stuff like this and share but i’m so fixated on this side quest character i just need an outlet ahahaha sorry tumblr followers who read this, you’ve been warned).

RIGHT OFF THE BAT: I read Aloy as aroace, I’ll be happy for her whether she ends up having feelings for someone in the third game or not. I’m pretty indifferent when it comes to shipping but I like how practically everyone she meets falls in love with her. I read Nil as also on the aroace spectrum, probably due to circumstance because all he knows is war and has never experienced love or affection as far as the player knows. And he seems to only get turned on by violence.. at least in the first game. On that note, I absolutely love that he’s in love with Aloy haha. She doesn’t have to return his feelings, I like their relationship as it is already.

Before we get more into how Aloy changes Nil, let’s talk about the kind of character Nil is first: I like my fair share of angsty characters and he has every right to be full on angsty considering his background and how he still calls himself a soldier even though the war times are long over; but he isn’t angsty. It’s a different take on this type character and it makes him stand out to me which is probably where my fascination with him comes from.

Nil is unapologetically himself which is what I love about him. He is honest and maybe a bit too blunt but he’s a man of his word. He’s so honest that he voluntarily admits to his war crimes, does the time for it, goes through rehabilitation and is buddies with prison warden, they don’t even have anything *that* negative to say about him lmao. Incredible. He’s just so weird and takes everything in stride. He’s kind of a subversion to a character whose normal reaction is probably reaching a breaking point which leads to heroism or villainy. But he’s neutral. Not a hero or villain, perhaps an anti-hero or a vigilante type. Fascinating. I love the way he is written. Why is he left to be a side quest character he is so interesting please give him more to do in the next game PLEASE GUERILLA I AM BEGGING.

He has an honor code, knows that he has an “issue” (bloodlust, a need to murder, “The Call”) and copes with it by “doing the right thing for the wrong reasons” so.. killing bad people, bandits, thieves, etc... for sport!! He admits this so nonchalantly in front of Aloy like it is totally normal BLESS HIS LIL HEART. He might come off as creepy because The Call compels him, which yeah, isn’t normal or healthy but at least he follows the laws of the lands so... yay?

Aloy: I don’t keep count. (Nil, it isn’t normal to keep a body count...)

Nil: Don’t keep count? Sometimes I just don’t get you. Are you like us, or a little different. (You kill. I kill. Are we really that different?)

Aloy: Hopefully a little different. (YES.)

Nil: Hm.. that’s what you’re going to tell yourself. ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

He experiences some emotion, perhaps not the full range of an average person, due to his background he probably doesn’t completely understand how to feel emotions properly. But he TRIES SO HARD with Aloy. Nil thinks she is similar to him because she is a capable fighter/killer, but she’s also on a different path than him, a path of leadership and empathy. He doesn’t understand leadership, he is just a soldier who follows orders. Also he has a warped sense of empathy, twisted by war. He likes her for all of her qualities even if he doesn’t understand the full scope of them. She loves life, but he only knows death. At first the attraction comes from the killing they do together, but then the other feelings he eventually feels for her (love?) comes from the empathy she shows him and the partnership they form.

Nil even had a partner before Aloy, whom he didn’t seem too torn up about them dying. But when he first meets Aloy, he already appears cares about her from the beginning. He states that he likes her and looks forward to hunting with her. He also has a line that if Aloy dies, he'd kill the rest of the bandits before her body gets cold or something weird like that. But the more bandit camps you raid, the more he falls in love. Like.. I doubt he’d let serious harm come to her at that point. They’re more than just bandit-killing buddies, they’re partners, real partners. When there are no more bandits to kill, he sees their time coming to an end. How does he cope? FIGHT TO THE DEAAAATH. (Killing won’t be fun without her anymore, I don’t know where to go from here, oh wait GENIUS idea, die by her hands because it’ll be really fucking hot and romantic.) He confesses his feelings to her in the end in the dumbest way possible. He thinks he only feels through violence, so violence is the answer. If she agrees, he asks consent to confirm that she is okay with this and that he doesn’t want to pressure her (he is surprisingly polite). If she refuses, he’s heartbroken but he respects her choice (she breaks up with him, they part amicably).

OK BUT THEN Nil realizes that death and violence are not the best feelings you can feel. You can experience something better: life and love [audience awes]. So he shows up to help in the final battle. Because he still loves her... and because violence. Two in one, let’s gooooooooooooo

Aloy and Nil are both outcasts and haven’t had much normal interactions or conversation with regular people so when you put those two together they have HILARIOUS dialogue and reactions. They are both super awkward, the only difference is Aloy feels and acts awkward because she has a grasp of what “normal” conversations sound like, while Nil thinks he’s ABSOLUTELY NAILING this ���having a normal human conversation with another normal human” thing every time they talk to each other. Which he isn’t. Everything he says is incredibly odd but he doesn’t seem to know or care. Aloy attempts a couple times to let him know what he’s saying is creepy but the man will not be deterred. He thinks he’s being charming.

Aloy: okgoodBYENIL. (best line delivery)

Okay.. okay... but.. The funniest and best part is that Aloy gives up on trying to tell Nil that’s he’s being weird and creepy because she realizes that he’s not doing it intentionally he just talks like that. So... then she just decides to accept it and befriend him instead!!! She attempts to relate to him, think like him, speak like him and it fails EVERY TIME BECAUSE THE DUMBASS MURDER MAN IS SO DENSE. Like one of my favorite moments is Aloy, knowing that he likes to kill, tells the murder boi that he can deal with the Eclipse as an outlet but then he’s like nah, i don’t get involved in politics. LMAO WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY TO ME. HE’S RIDICULOUS. Another moment she tries to relate to him on a friendly level:

Aloy: Your bow has a name? (He’s a weirdo.)

Nil: Yours doesn’t? (It’s normal, she’s weird.)

---------------

Aloy: So... what’s you knife called? (this weirdo named his bow, let me try to break the ice with a follow-up)

Nil: Why would someone name a knife? (????? (DENSE. SO DENSE.))

I know people like to say Nil is horny because of his sexually charged dialogue full of innuendos and that is totally valid! But I interpret it as a form of masking and/or his attempt at flirting by saying what he thinks someone in that situation would say. My funny little headcanon is that he doesn’t realize how horny he sounds. To Nil, this is a totally normal way to let someone you know you like them/look forward to seeing them again. You know, by saying things like:

“I can wait, I know you’ll be worth it.” (Translation: take your time, racing is better when you’re here)

“Here to unleash your demons? It always makes for quite a sight.” (Translation: girl pretty when she let’s herself have fun)

“Waiting will make the ride all the sweeter.” (Translation: I don’t mind waiting for you, I enjoy our time together)

This is getting way too long and I’m just rambling? idk what direction i’m taking this tbh? I guess I just really like Nil because of his character development. His arc starts with him knowing no other purpose than to kill. It was what he was  trained to do. He grew up in war, he doesn’t know a life besides war. Which is why after the war, he had a hard time adjusting and thought he had to continue killing to have a purpose in life. Everything else felt so empty.

Until he met Aloy.

Stupid sexy Nil wanted to die towards the end of his questline in HZD because he didn’t see a point in living, as dramatic as that sounds. His purpose was fulfilled, there were no more bandits to kill! And even if there were more bandits to kill, it wouldn’t be as fun if Aloy wasn’t around. So as far as he knows, he’s peaked in life. Which is why he requests to fight to the death on the plateau.

And in game canon, Aloy is like... No!! dumbass, I’m not killing you! We’re friends, I guess. Why don’t you be my ally in this world ending battle.

Aloy, before final battle: Nil, you’re making it difficult to be glad to see you. (She is glad to see him but Nil says something that’s very... Nil, as usual)

So Nil becomes her ally in battle. Then he survives. Now.. he wants to live. He wants to try to experience life like Aloy does. And probably realizes that Aloy sorta maybe just a little disapproves him killing for sport................ So he takes up the less violent hobby of street racing with a bunch of rebel kids who didn’t want to fight in war. He knows what war does to people, he is a product of war. He keeps these kids on a better track in life (get it????? because racetrack they race on the right track of life now, get it eh? get-).

Nil: A reunion with an old partner deserves more than a handshake, don’t you think? (running you off the track (violence) is our thing! a secret handshake! an inside joke that normies have, right?! winky face emoji)

Aloy: We killed bandits together, Nil. For different reasons. I’m not sure we were partners. (serious)

Nil: I am. Now more than ever. Especially since we’ve moved on to something more entertaining. (ok but you were intrigued by my disguise and kept coming back to race me... so you like me. also, you changed me! i enjoy life now, too.)

Anyways it’s cute and if they bring him back next game I hope he develops more and becomes a more prominent ally to Aloy. Also it would be hilarious if he adapts a new alias and changes his look again.. but this time as his ~*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ truest self *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧~

ok bye

if you made it to the end well.. i don’t know what to tell you. i hope it was entertaining? um.. here you go:

[inhuman-obey-me]

On Simeon and what it means to be an angel

The beautiful, gentle angel who can smile through just about anything. But what's underneath the ever-present smile of his? Is he really just pure, sweet, and kind?

Not at all. Simeon can be very mischievous at some times, and scarily wrathful at others. Some of you may be thinking, just what kind of angel is someone like that? Well, let's talk about that.

(includes spoilers up to lesson 52)

Starting with the idea of what angels are supposed to be like - the common, pop-culture characterization of angels is that they are pure, merciful, peaceful beings who can only do good and are horrified by anything dark or bad.

And admittedly, Simeon doesn't seem to quite perfectly fit that mold.

[Disclaimer: Neither mod of this blog belong to the Abrahamic religions, so this is purely from our own research]

In terms of how angels have been described in various scriptures, however, this isn't actually what they are like. Angels act on behalf of God, and are usually not meant to have any free will of their own. The thing that separates angels from demons is not a tendency towards kindness and purity, but that their actions are aligned with God's desires rather than their own. What this means in effect is that, both in actual scripture and in the game, angels can and will do things that are a lot less pure and peaceful than their modern mainstream depictions would suggest.

For example, there is a part of the Bible (at least in various versions) where it is mentioned that an angel was ordered by God to kill one hundred eighty-five Assyrians, leaving their camp full of dead bodies in the morning.

The poet Rainer Maria Rilke states in his The Duino Elegies - "Every Angel is terror".

Seraphim - which is what OM!'s renditions of Simeon and Lucifer both formerly were - are basically six-winged snakes. Cherubim, as OM!'s Beelzebub formerly was, are actually multi-faced humanoid-lions with wings. "Do not be afraid," is a line angels often say when they meet humans because they are just as scary-looking as demons - just they're, you know, the "good" ones.

Actual descriptions of angels aside, even in-game, we are presented with example after example that angels are not perfect "pure and good" beings either. The game itself emphasizes this point at various times - if you upset Simeon during Surprise Guest interactions, one of his displeased lines is: "Just because I'm an angel doesn't mean I'm all forgiving." In lesson 51, though he initially says he left Satan to be with the Angel versions of his brothers for Satan's benefit, if MC actually agrees that he was just being kind, he is surprised that they really believed him.

It's not just him, either. Similar to Simeon's upset reaction, if you give Luke a present he doesn't like, he says, "I know I'm an all-forgiving angel and everything, but even so, this is a little too much..." When MC briefly lands in the past, the brothers actually describe Simeon as the least intense of the seraphim. Back when the brothers were angels, Lucifer was still known for being strict and arrogant. On the more extreme end, Raphael was known for keeping the angels in line via the pointy end of his spear, as Asmodeus fears will happen to him as punishment for going to a party. And Michael himself, the top-ranking leader, who one might think should be the most angelic of angels, is described as a sadist. In the Angelic Demons event, Michael even gets Simeon to give the demon brothers cursed bracelets that temporarily turn them into angels. It's not a very nice prank to pull on them, as it makes the brothers miserable to be converted back to their old forms, not to mention that the curse goes so far that they are turned into the caricature of overly nice and polite angels - but as it could be considered more in line with pulling them towards "God's will," this would actually be considered a good angel thing to do.

As the game points out, being the least intense doesn't exactly make Simeon easygoing, either. In fact, we have seen at this point quite a few examples of Simeon's rage. As a play director, he berates the brothers so much over any mistakes that they call him a dictator. Not to mention, the reason they are in the play in the first place is because the entire previous cast quit because they couldn't deal with him.

Later, when he and Luke are running the Angel's Halo, he drags the brothers into helping out. Though he is shown still smiling, everyone agrees because they are terrified of his menacing aura. Even Diavolo, when on the home screen, remarks about hiding because he made Lucifer mad again, but it's Simeon who he calls "the one person in this world I don't want to anger."

On a much lighter note, some of his less "angelic" behavior also comes from his playful, mischievous side. As referenced earlier, he is surprised if MC believes he was just being nice, but if the player says they thought he was pranking Satan, it gives intimacy points with him, and he says:

He also joins in on the teasing of Luke, having his name as "Luke (Chihuahua)" in his D.D.D. contacts. Multiple of his home screen lines also show how much he loves messing with Luke in general:

"I'm free right now, so I think I might go and tease Luke."

"Luke is like a Chihuahua who thinks it is a German Shepherd. Cute, huh?"

"I'm back! I was so excited to meet you that I left Luke behind."

"If you don't eat enough breakfast, you'll turn out tiny like Luke."

Plus, in dance battles, one of his chibi poses is him teasingly scaring someone, while Luke has a corresponding scared pose, suggesting that he may be meant to be scaring Luke in particular.

He also gets MC to mess with Belphegor when they are looking for him, instructing them to kick the tree that he knows he's probably asleep in as hard as they possibly can.

However, while none of those things make him any less of an angel, there is evidence to support that he is, in fact, a "bad" angel in a different sense.

As the two Celestial Realm exchange students, Simeon and Luke represent two opposite ends of a spectrum of angel attitudes. Luke, having still been very young when the Great Celestial War happened, has been taught to have very uptight views of the demons, insisting that they are evil and should be avoided at all costs. When he first arrives in the Devildom, he is terrified at the idea that the two of them could get corrupted by the demons and fall. This is the prevailing attitude taught in the Celestial Realm: that demons are wicked, and that angels are inherently better than them.

By contrast, Simeon does not hold this view at all. He is happy to spend time with the demon brothers, and doesn't look down on them for falling. On the home screen, Luke complains, "Simeon is too sweet to demons! He's sweeter than a cake from Madam Scream's!" In the Rain, a Fire and Simeon Devilgram story, Simeon even talks about how he actually prefers the hustle and bustle of the Devildom, feeling that the Celestial Realm feels too quiet now.

This difference between him and Luke is not only expressed in his fondness for the demons, either. Simeon understands the nuances of good vs evil, and he himself seems to operate in shades of grey at times, rather than being perfectly aligned with Michael's (and by extension, it's implied, God's) wishes. More than once, he displays quite a flippant attitude towards following the rules, such as his very hand-wavey dismissal when MC asks about his lying.

Luke also calls him out on his disregard for rules, saying that Simeon is just too loose about following them:

However, this glib attitude should not be taken to mean that Simeon doesn't know exactly what he's doing. When it seems the only solution to restore stability to the three realms is for MC to sever all their pacts with the demon brothers, he quickly realizes that the other option, the Ring of Light that used to belong to Lucifer, must be hidden among Michael's things rather than lost to time as everyone thought. He tells Luke that he needs to go back to the Celestial Realm to take care of something, but he is firm that Luke should not come with him - because he is going to steal the ring from Michael, a risky, rebellious move that he doesn't want Luke to get involved in. He is perfectly aware of what he's doing, and actively chooses to do it anyway, consequences be damned, because he wants to do what he feels is right.

When Michael does confront him about it, he's not the least bit sorry, either. In fact, he sasses him and talks back, unafraid to show disrespect to God's top angel.

We also know that he's been demoted at some point. Luke tells MC that Simeon is an archangel, making him one of the Celestial Realm's warriors, or as Simeon himself has jokingly described it, a "low-level grunt" who is overworked by higher-up angels like Michael. However, during MC's time travel back to the Celestial Realm, we learn that Simeon used to be a seraph right alongside Michael and Lucifer. It is again referenced during the fairy incident, when he makes the low-level grunt joke again but is then reminded that he was a seraph at this point in time. We're not sure yet why he was demoted - there's a lot of speculation on this point, and we can't draw any definitive conclusions yet - but if we take that being a "good" angel means being obedient to Michael and God, we start to get a far less rosy picture of Simeon's good standing as an angel.

What does this mean? Is he a "bad" angel? Kind of, but not for the reasons some may think. His mischievous, devious, and playful side is not what makes him less angelic. It is his more rebellious, nonconformist way of doing things that actually opens up the possibility of him gradually getting further and further away from being an ideal angel, and potentially putting him on the path of falling from grace.

[assortednarutoheadcanons]

Naruto Sexuality Headcanons

This is pre-boruto because I don’t know anything about Boruto.

Naruto is bi.

Sasuke is demi-sexual. It’s the only way I can explain the weirdness between him and Naruto, and him ending up with Sakura.

Sakura is straight.

Sai is ace. He likes paint.

Kakashi is ace.

Kiba is bi but to an almost pansexual degree? If someone’s down, he’s down.

Shino is aromantic but not asexual. He wants kids (he teaches at the Academy for christ sake! Though that doesn’t actually make a lot of sense as the clan heir... I’ll need to deal with that later)

Hinata is bi but prefers men. She’s experimented, specifically with a lot of blonds (she has a type, good for her) but really admires and respects Naruto.

Kurenai is pan.

Shikamaru is bi but prefers women. Specifically strong, domme like women (just look at Temari. Do not tell me that she would not top him.)

Choji is bi but Does Not Care for appearance. He cares more about how they treat his teammates.

Ino is pan. She does not care about age but will draw the line at children who are under 16 (my headcanoned adult age for civilian children and when Kage are legally allowed to start the spying via sleeping with a target) but she has no problem with older men, women, or unspecified gender.

Asuma is but did experiment when he was up with the Monks of the Fire Temples. It didn’t work out but hey, it’s not like he has a long lost kid somewhere being raised by a fire priest.

Neji... I can’t really figure him out. Too serious. Probably somewhere on the ace spectrum but doesn’t really care. Probably just interested in getting through life with Rock Lee as a teammate.

Tenten is BI AS FUCK

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT ROCK LEE’S SEXUALITY IS????? I JUST REREAD THE ENTIRE SERIES AND I DON’T GET GAY, ACE, BI, STRAIGHT OR TRANS VIBES FROM HIM!

My friend (who has never watched or read Naruto), that from a single picture, that he is somewhere on the pan/ace spectrum. I am deferring to their judgment because they are non-binary, openly bi and don’t know anything about him.

Might Guy is the same as Rock Lee. Maybe straight.

Temari is bi.

Kankuro is asexual. He likes being the fun uncle.

Gaara is very much ace but loves children. So he adopts way too many children. (He’s like Batman, with 10+ children running around that he’s not entirely sure are his but eh, doesn’t really matter at this point)

Karui is straight but was bi-curious in her youth.

Omoi is a baby. Probably bi or pan, but is full of anxiety and is not allowed anywhere near romance until he can get some anti-anxiety medication.

Not to say he can be in a relationship, but he’ll probably go nuts overanalyzing and then break up with the person in like, a month tops. Unless the person is really good, then I root for them both.

Mitarashi doesn’t care about sex or romance. She likes fire and explosions.

Ibiki is Tired. (I know it’s not a sexuality, but honestly, for this man, it should be an exception. He has to deal with the bullshit people of the T&I unit. Which is an entirely other post).

Zabuza and Haku are in a father/mentor-son/mentee relationship.

Haku was genderfluid.

Killer B doesn’t really want a family. He wants to rap.

A is bi. He has a son.

Terumi Mei is a lesbian goddess. She managed to seduce Zabuza once before he tried to kill her because they were in ANBU together. And he knew her girlfriend.

Itachi was pan.

Kisame was ace (he has a KID in Boruto????) and really likes sharks. Itachi tried to avoid all conversations like that after he first told the Akatsuki and Pein banned that kind of talk from then on.

Hidan is attracted to witchcraft.

Hashirama is straight but his wife was bi.

Madara was gay.

Obito was... yeah, no clue.

Rin was straight but tried a girl. Wasn’t her cup of tea but she doesn’t care about anyone’s sexuality.

Please, for the love of god, add more characters. I have no idea how many are on this list, but there are so many more. Feel free to add your own on.