#BEING A CRIPPLE IS SOOOO FUN LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!!!

[numericturtle]

As much as I love winterkov, I'd like to make a pitch to you for a slightly different ship - Winter King and Hunson Abadeer. I know Hunsimon was this archaic ship from the early times and has essentially been put out to pasture. But like, just imagine in TWK's universe where both of marceline's dads are grieving over her and finding solace in each other, them just helping each other through their grief.

Their also both awful people that would definitely enable each other in being terrible awful people in the funnest way. Then add on the fact that Hudson, a demon, would have a naturally super high body temperature, and Winter naturally has a super low body temperature. There's a Lotta fun stuff that could be done with these two, and no one has seen my vision.

For your consideration - Hunsimon anon

"Though he was now free of the crown's madness, Simon found sadness much harder to escape. It seeped into every pore and weighed on his very soul."

Oh my gosh Anon I can't believe it took me this long to finish this drawing lol. Honestly I'm surprised I've never heard of this ship before, it's soooo juicy with angst! Esp with the introduction of Winter King. So here's my hc:

Hunson misses his daughter terribly, but his aloof nature and intense guilt keeps him from being able to process that sadness.

Winter is inconsolable when he is freed from the crown's madness.

They then begin to play a dangerous game where Hunson sucks away pieces of Winter's soul just to feel something. And Winter is slowly stripped away of his crippling depression, but at the cost of his empathy and kindness. Making him the cold and apathetic person we meet in F&C.

I'm writing a fic.

[generic-whumperz]

OC in 3

Choose 3 pics to represent your OC

Oops, I got overly excited and made 10 three-picture collages

Omg thank you @mj-iza-writer for the tag! I am honored that I came to mind! 🥹

No pressure (& open to anyone interested!) tag: @rainydaywhump @eatyourdamnpears @clairelsonao3 @dresden-syndrome @lights-out-knives-out @snakebites-and-ink

| Aid Masterlist | Aid Character Sheet | Character Info

Soooo, I know I’m supposed only to pick three pics, but honestly, I simply cannot (I know, no surprise there). I have been wanting to do a vibe photo dump for The Aid (the Whumpee & title of the story) but have yet to do it (hello, my ever-expanding Pinterest boards), so I’ll take this chance to explore The Aid’s past phases he’s gone through (pre & post-Wyatt {Whumper #2}) and give some explanations because it’s a lot. However, I don’t know if explanations are necessary for this tag game, but I’m famously too much, so of course, I’m going to over-explain myself because of my crippling fear of being misunderstood!

Ironically, I call his time with Madame Eleanor (technical Whumper #1) his “Aid Era” because that’s when he becomes this character we are introduced to and currently know him as. Yet, this is the part of his life he is phasing out of. **Insert something-something about being haunted by your past.**

(In the current storyline, he is going through a succession of more changes, and his world is about to be turned upside down yet again, but I’ll hold off on showing those for now because they’re spoilers, and I have more than enough here!)

Starting from the top, here we goooo—

P.S. The people in these pics are not what the characters look like, this is simply vibes only!

Day 1

1. As soon as The Aid arrives at his new home, Madame Eleanor gets custom-made Gucci uniforms made for him that looks like this. This is his go-to everyday attire. (I spent too long looking at scrubs and hospitality uniforms on and off for over a month—tell me you like it and think it’s cool and sleek.)

2. He has a special built-in in his closet specifically for all his fancy, jewel-encrusted collars Madame Eleanor gifted him throughout the years, but this is what the facility's standard-issue collar looks like for his designation (Grand Servant: Domestic Aid).

3. His favorite Prada frames Madame Eleanor got him. (Wyatt later breaks them because he’s an asshole, leaving him straight up blind for several months).

Fancy Threads

Eleanor Sullivan was a Rich Bitch™️, so best believe she had her servant dressed to the 9s in designer fits when out and about or for Family events and the like. She may also put him in a butler uniform from time to time when they were hosting a party at their residence—which was often, Eleanor was known for her soirées. (To clarify, he’d still wear a collar even when dressed up, and all those attending knew who and what he was.)

The Host

He loved a good party just as much as Eleanor did! He likes serving and seeing people have fun and enjoy themselves (people-pleasing empath). He was known for his food displays and had a knack for creating a proper afternoon tea spread that garnered attention from all those present.

Speaking of Empath…

We can’t talk about him without bringing up his not-so-secret secret! Lil’ homie has a gang of abilities (telepathic empathy, hyper intuition, premonitions, and psychometry) just bubbling up inside him at all times. His relationship with himself and his sixth senses is complicated, to say the least—he finds them burdensome, yet he cannot function without them, despite how much he argues otherwise. It’s a whole thing, but for a certified Telepathic-Empath™️, he sure is dead inside (which only gets worse after Wyatt OFC).

*Sorry for the shitty upload quality of the Emotional Sponge, idk why it looks so bad!

Domestic Duties

Not only can he slap together the best charcuterie board you’ve ever seen and easily untangle Christmas lights, but he’s also a man who can cook, clean, and keep a house. What can’t he do?

Hobbies? Interests?

Don’t be ridiculous, he didn’t have time for leisure activities! But when he had some occasional downtime, he would spend an ungodly amount of it doing facials and grooming himself. He also loved to go to the spa with Madame Eleanor. As far as reading went, he wasn’t into novels, but he would occasionally peruse short-story myths and legends, old fables, or read picture books in funny voices to Eleanor’s grandchildren. Primarily, he’d like to read trashy magazines, comics, and cookbooks. But let’s be real, he considered cleaning, gossiping, and baking his primary hobbies.

RIP Madame Eleanor Sullivan

(She’s been dead for about a year and a half when they story picks up)

First and foremost—above everything else—The Aid was Eleanor Sullivan’s literal live-in medically trained caregiver, which is why she bought him in the first place. They had a very close relationship for five years, and he did everything for her. When she died, his world was shattered, and he took her death really hard. Wyatt was jealous of his Mother’s relationship with her servant from day one, which is where part of his animosity comes from. Quick note—Eleanor was a posh, vintage-Chanel-wearing Grandma and would never be caught dead wearing a bathrobe outside. Eleanor was Queen of being That Bitch.

Enter: Wyatt Sullivan

These pics are pretty tame all things considered, but after Eleanor’s death, The Aid is now in a World O’ Hurt and the subject of Wyatt’s drug-and-alcohol-fueled rage. The Aid went from a high-class servant loved by his Madame and respected by her friends, associates, and family (besides Wyatt) to a human punching bag overnight. The beef between these two runs deep and maybe Eleanor isn’t as innocent as she seems. Stick around and you’ll find out all the Sullivan family tea.

To: Wyatt

Just some memes directed towards Wyatt and The Aid being painfully aware of his shitty situation (I got too many of these and had to sprinkle some in).

Where We’re at Now…

Quite the fall from grace, wouldn’t you say? Our boy is currently bed-ridden and zombified while having the worst time imaginable. He’s drugged up, fucked up, and can’t move half of his body!

*This took me an embarrassing amount of time to assemble, but I went the extra mile because this doubles as a reference guide.

[bisluthq]

olivia dean is really talented neo-soul singer (elton john boosted her and she got nominated for the mercury prize) so if harry is at all influenced by that I would love a soul/motown type record from him

I hadn’t heard her stuff before today - listened this morning - and I also just read a bit about her and looked at her insta page (what’s weird also is quite a few of my friends follow her so idk why I just totally missed that she existed) and I know it’s clearly very early days but holy shit this girl seems soooo well suited for Harry lmao? Like holy shit? She’s incredibly talented musically (like beyond beyond beyond). She says she hates being boxed into one musical style and wants to explore psychedelic and folk sounds a lot more and she says she regrets letting other people tell her what to do when she started and really actively wants to stop doing that and only make things she’s very into (which I think Harry would deeeeply understand lmao). She’s legit into fashion - both edgy haute couture stuff and like just generally clothes. She is suuuper family orientated (she wore her granny’s picture on her chest for her Glasto performance and it’s double cool because she’s been saying for a few years that her biggest dream is playing Glasto at some point in her life). She’s a very ardent feminist. She is very into traveling and has said she hates doing the very touristy things and rather enjoys experiencing the local culture like under the radar. She does social media detoxes because being online too much stressed her out a lot. She enjoys sports of all kind and does a lot of yoga and enjoys swimming (she’s said she hates the cold tho so that’ll be something he has to convince her about lol or she’ll just watch him and take the piss) and cycling (she apparently cycles a lot around London). Aside from the yoga she’s also into some other wellness crap (she’s talked about saunas a few times and like which types of incense she enjoys most) and she goes to therapy and is a big proponent of people going to therapy lol. They both self-identify as dog people. She actively cares about privacy and has said that one of the challenges with becoming more famous is people coming over to meet her which makes her feel awkward (although she’s obviously very grateful to her fans - much like him she seems SUPER appreciative of fans actually). She says she can get really shy - as a kid it was almost crippling shyness and now obviously it’s not crippling but she struggles with imposter syndrome and just feeling shy/awkward. She is super into knitting (I don’t think Harry knits lol but it’s the kind of hobby I can imagine him finding super fucking cool lol and asking her to knit him lots of shit). She rented a bright yellow van to tour in and play socially distanced gigs during lockdown from and that seems like something Harry would find/thinks is super cool. She’s said her ultimate era to live in would be the 70s and I think Harry would agree lol. She’s very funny and silly and fun from the interviews I read and the videos I watched but also knows a lot of stuff and is very interested in a lot of things.

The only thing I can find that really separates them is Olivia is reaaaally into West Ham and Harry’s always rooted for Man U lol but that seems like a reason for fun banter rather than a profound disagreement 😂💀 especially since the point is they both love footie. Also she grew up proper upper middle class and as we know Harry didn’t but her family seems super normal and very cool and she loves them all sooooo much. She can’t shut up about how much she loves her mum and dad and how cool her granny was. They also didn’t have a background in entertainment at all, like she got into the Brit school by auditioning and convinced her family to buy her a secondhand piano at that point just to start learning so yeah like quite normal people. Also she says she really values alone time and needs to be by herself now and then which is the opposite of Harry but he ought to get better at alone time to be perfectly honest so that’s also not a bad thing.

I also haven’t found her referencing Harry a single time - and she’s spoken about a lot of celeb crushes and musical crushes and inspos and contemporary artists she admires - which I bizarrely feel like is a good fit for him? Like she has never appeared to give an iota of a fuck about Harry Styles™️ but based on her interests and personality would really enjoy chilling with Harry the lad and actually working with Harry the musician even.

she’s also like BEYOND stunning. All of Harry’s gfs/hookups are always very pretty wbk but this girl is absolutely unreal and apparently v chill about it too like a few of the interviews I read mentioned she shows up with no makeup and she’s said while she loves fashion she hates having to dress up too often and doesn’t like high heels etc.

Very early days for them but I tentatively ship tf out of this lol.

[wendayee]

wendy corduroy is a 28 year old human based on wendy from gravity falls. they are a gift shop employee with no powers. she uses she/they pronouns, and most of her memories are intact !

INFO.

full name: wendy blerble corduroy

date of birth: september 4, 1995

hometown: gravity falls

zodic: virgo sun, capricorn moon, libra rising

sexuality: bisexual/biromantic

education: high school graduate

occupation: employee at the mystery shack

height: 5′8

hair: dark brown

eye color: dark brown

tattoos/piercings: earlobes, cartilage, nose (just nostril), eyebrow she never wears anymore

markings: faint freckles across their cheeks

mother: linda corduroy

father: daniel corduroy

siblings: markus corduroy, kevin corduroy, gus cordurory

pets: n/a

PERSONALITY.

positive traits: mellow, friendly, daring, upfront, lively

negative traits: lazy, inconsiderate, suppressed, irresponsible, reckless

fears: never making something of themself, never caring to

likes: not working, hanging out with friends, free things, flannels, funny gossip, laid-back but fun nights, good music, hot people, food, chilling on the roof, laughing, breaks

dislikes: working, not hanging out with friends, being told what to do, feeling overwhelmed and tied down, people fighting, hurting people's feelings, crying in front of people, schoolwork, taking anything seriously

hobbies: reading too many magazines, smoking, going to parties with friends, mindlessly scrolling dating apps, snacking

aesthetics: a stack of green plaid shirts, candid photos mid-laugh, sneaking out of (and into) bedroom windows, glass bottles of coke, teasing out of love, sitting on tree branches, book reports with red circled Fs, tangled earbuds, the forest at night, sarcasm painting over real emotions, crumpled up bi-flags on bedroom walls, leaning back in chairs with feet propped up on the desk, lumberjack hats, fingerless gloves, 100+ day snapchat streaks, condoms tucked into wallets, spotify premium, scalding hot showers, unmade beds

HEADCANONS.

wendy is someone who doesn't tend to dislike people. she is pretty easy-going, and while she was seen as a "cool kid" when she was younger, she never alienated herself from the less popular crowd. they were a friend of anyone that was fun to be around, never really caring much about status symbols or judging people for liking things deemed lame. (though they might tease a little.)

the coolest thing about wendy is that she doesn't care much what people think, and isn't afraid to own making a fool of herself.

she is someone that doesn't really hold grudges, opting to forgive friends and boyfriends for the past and move on with a positive attitude whenever possible.

she wouldn't necessarily say that she is lazy... but she is lazy. while she is more than capable of having a good work ethic and making something of herself, she often just doesn't feel like it. though there is more to it than meets the eye; wendy is crippled by the idea of choosing the wrong path. time moves so quickly, and they'd rather choose to be stuck at the mystery shack than go into a major they fail at and get stuck with college debt and a career that turns out to be one big disappointment. they don't always bottle their feelings up, but on this subject, it is something they would rather push down and ignore for as long as possible. even if it haunts them at night. besides, life is all about the moments and she is much more interested in enjoying whatever it has to offer than wasting even a handful of seconds sitting at a boring desk listening to teachers drone on and on.

soooo she skipped school a lot... leading to bad grades. leading to her feeling like she would fail at college.

in their defense, without their mom there to guide them and their dad constantly busy and tied up with her brothers, they didn't have anyone pushing them into the right direction until it was too late and they just felt like a disappointment. it's easier in evermore where their dad isn't there to remind them they need to plan a future for themself; why can't she just mull around at the mystery shack all day and stay out with friends all night?

wendy loves free shit. if there's any sort of lame event going on that she has no interest in, she will most definitely show up for the refreshments alone. and she will eat until she is asked to leave.

has a track record of... not keeping relationships. for various reasons. sometimes forgetting to actually end the relationship. it isn't out of ill will and they never actually intend to ghost someone. they just get bored.

it probably goes without saying that she likes flannels, huh?

if you're ever wondering if anyone subscribes to magazines anymore, wendy is here to tell you they absolutely do. her favorite way to zone out on the clock is flip through magazines so she constantly has at least three subscriptions and she doesn't really care if they're for fashion, housekeeping or wildlife.

best secret keeper. as long as they care about you. if they think it's important, wendy will go to the grave with what you tell them.

bi af, they're so much better with guys than girls. girls are just so... pretty, and smell so nice, and she finds herself getting tongue-tied and flustered and all red-faced trying to flirt back sometimes. guys are cute, but they're just guys.

with wendy, bribery gets you everywhere!

their middle name is indeed blerble. her dad claims it was supposed to be bluebelle and there was a horrible misunderstanding when it came to her birth certificate... they're not really sure if they believe that or if bluebelle is any better.

she misses her mom. a lot. but she doesn't grieve as much as she used to. wendy is pretty good at accepting things for how they are and moving on after a little time has passed. it just... would've been nice to have her there to talk to when they felt stressed, to look after them when they were sick, encourage them when school was rough. now she can look back on the memories she does have with her with a smile, but it doesn't erase the tears in her eyes.

has definitely been to a few feminist rallies and goes all out with their homemade signs.

getting around on skateboard > any other mode of transportation.

boots and converse. no other shoes allowed. the converse is almost always doodled on.

wendy doesn't really want to leave evermore. at least, not yet. if she goes back to gravity falls she has to figure shit out. here she doesn't have to worry about it because... she can't. she's stuck. the future is one big question mark and for her? that's perfect.

if you want the vision just listen to the rise and fall of a midwest princess by chappell roan.

[werewolfpdfs]

ok hello boarding school boys facts abt kei and adrik (boys in question) no context no thoughts head empty <3

- of course. they write notes in the margins of their books. If the notes aren’t to each other Kei is doing high level literature analysis bc he’s like that and Adrik is mostly writing ‘lol gay’ and doodling <3

- books boyfriend and art boyfriend hello for the love of god hello

- yes Kei DOES have magic and he uses it for mischief exclusively in his youth. and then later he invents deadly weapons with it because the puppet man told him to in a dream :/

- they do soooo much growth in the years they’re apart it’s truly wonderful to see. but before that Adrik has to enter his slut era and Kei has to deal with the saviour complex and crippling i can fix him syndrome with everyone he meets

- Adrik keeps most of the friend group in the breakup (he knew them longer lol) but literally all of them think it was mostly his fault

- Kei gets migranes

- the tenderness hello…learning terms of endearment in a new language for your high school sweetheart who has a different native tongue literally universal experience

- Adrik is the designated soup cooker in the dads era

- some of the kids they take in remind them so much of people they knew back then…they think it’s weird but also like,,,,wow we are being the parents we needed as kids,,,,,

- it’s one of their most difficult, Does Not Want Help and Will Fight You About It kids that is most there for Adrik when he is grieving. He makes soup (guess who taught him to cook!!). I’m super normal about this also

- ending it off with a more fun fact Adrik thinks Kei is SO fucking cool and Kei has never been seen as cool by anyone ever but literally anything he does Adrik is like. Wow I pulled a ten AND he keeps being sent dreams from a most likely evil source 🤩

[tomwambsmilk]

32 tom s1, tom s2, tom s3

32 gerri, tom, karolina

32 willa, tabitha, jess

<333

32. fuck marry kill

YESSSSS I love this. Let's goooo

For Tom, I think... I would fuck season 3 Tom. 'Maybe going to prison' Tom is my favourite version of Tom. He's so anxious and terrified and desperate, and I think this would make the sex hotter. If he came into MY office during Lion in the Meadow, I absolutely would have wrestled him to the ground, and then I would have fucked him. Ditto if he came into my office and started trashing it, and then if we went to Ken's party and did a ton of cocaine and he got weird and moody I would've fucked him again. Also I would have gone to his place instead of Ken's journalist dinner after-party, and I would have fucked him then too. Basically I would've taken all the opportunities Greg missed. Rip to Greg but I'm different

I think I'd marry season 1 Tom, when he's sweet and kinda soft and still believes that good things can happen to him maybe. When he knelt in front of shiv to 'pay her homage' I was immediately enamoured with him. Yeah I know he immediately started talking to her vag, but I was actually kind of into that, so. Honestly I think I would've even been down bad for the cringefail stuff, like 'I wanna dock myself inside you so bad right now'. Rip to Shiv but I'm also different (she says, hiding her crippling fear of vulnerability behind her back)

Unfortunately this means I have to kill season 2 Tom. It's a sad sacrifice, especially since the safe room scene is maybe my favourite scene in all of succession, but it might also be for the best because he's in a weird place that season where he hasn't quite reached peak despair, but he's also too angsty and on edge to really be affectionate in the same way as season 1. Gotta put him out of his misery until he gets miserable enough for it to be hot again

Gerri, Tom, and Karolina is a CRUEL combo. CRUEL. In the end I think I'm gonna marry Tom, for all the reasons stated above. I'm going to fuck Karolina, because I don't think I could handle Gerri's level of kinky sex, and also because I feel like Karolina is soooo tightly wound from being Logan's PR person and she desperately needs to let loose. I think she would be wild and kind of fun, but she wouldn't scare me in the way Gerri would. I would then have to kill Gerri, but I'd be upset about it. Probably I'd be pointing a gun at her and sobbing and she'd call me a fucking coward and then she'd yell at me loud enough to get it over with that it would scare me into actually following through.

For Willa, Tabitha, and Jess, I'd fuck Tabitha. She seems kind of wild, so it'd be a good time. Frankly I think she'd be better at sex than I am, just on account of the experience, but she's also sweet and patient with Roman so I think she'd end up schooling me (in a good way) and then we'd both be sex goddesses. I'd marry Willa, both because she'd be AMAZINGLY supportive but because I also LOVE theatre. I've done some stage management type stuff in the past in different contexts and I've always toyed with the idea of looking into it as a career, so I'd produce and manage her plays (including finding her better backers than Connor) and help her iron out the kinks, and then we'd become a well-known brilliant creative duo in the New York theatre scene. I would then have to kill Jess, but once again I'd feel very bad about it. I would send her on a really long vacation first, and then I'd pay someone to poison her towards the end of the vacation with fast-acting poison so her death would be quick and painless. I'd get them to make sure she dies on a beach at sunset or something along those lines, and then I'd go to her funeral.

ask me some succession questions!

[c-c-cherry]

Jojos Doing Jojo Things (with each other)✨😌

*sweating as the part 5 hc asks start piling up in my inbox*

 *looks at the one that mentions Jonathan*

Hello~~ I’m sorry for being criminally inactive here, I forgot during that long 6 month lockdown that I actually had a real life outside of the internet and now I have to go do real life things?? Instead of doing nothing but writing?? Crimes, I tell you.

I love the idea of Jonathan interacting with all the other jojos so I thought I’d take a little break from part 5 whump headcanons to fulfill this one :D SO HERE’S SOME SELF-INDULGENT HEADCANONS ABOUT JONATHAN DOING FUN LITTLE ACTIVITIES WITH THE OTHER JOJOS BECAUSE I KNOW WE ALL NEED IT RIGHT NOW😭😭😭

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Joseph (lets say Youngseph in this case because shhh)

-Hear me out but KNITTING

-Let this man do some nice calm things please

-Joseph has absolutely no way to connect with Jonathan. Like. Nothing.

-He doesn’t see the two of them as anything alike even though they both have the star, and when it comes to connecting with such a righteous, nice dude he’s a bit :/ about it

-He also doesn’t want to do anything stupid (In his words.) He hates baking, he’s never been into reading and school, and the two can never really click with sports

-Our man Jonathan has searched his heart and soul for something to bring the two of them together but Joseph is always just not into it >:(

-He’s almost given up on connecting at all BUT—

-One thing they do have in common? Erina.

-BOOM. Johnny-boy suddenly has ideas >:)

-Joseph is really put off when Jonathan shows up with a ball of yarn and needles and in the most innocent way possible he’s like “I have something to show you ^-^”

-the first thing Joseph thinks is NO FUCKING WAY. If Caesar or his mother or anyone caught him fucking knitting he’d never be able to live it down

-So instead he just watches as Jonathan sits by the fire, and it looks really boring at first but he just starts going at it

-And of course the gears start turning and all his brain sees is “fast task?? task I can be good at? something quick my hands can do??”

-And Jonathan looks up to take a break to see Joseph perched on the edge of the chair in complete awe, but the moment he asks if he wants to know how to do it, Joseph gets really withdrawn :/

The rest of their conversation goes a little like this:

“Isn’t that meant for girls?”

“Why would hats and scarves be only for girls?”

“But its—”

“You know...I’m making Erina a matching hat and scarf for her birthday. I could use a little help with the scarf…”

“...”

“We can make it a race.”

And with a fire lighting in his eyes, Joseph accepts the contest even though he has no idea what he’s doing. But isn’t that what he does best?

-Needless to say, he becomes obsessed.

-When his greatest fear comes true and Caesar finds out, he’s too obsessed to care about the teasing

-Joseph is good at something that Caesar isn’t. Caesar is jealous. Caesar picks up knitting.

-Are knitting contests even a thing?? I don’t care because Joseph and Caesar could probably open a fucking etsy shop with all the stuff they make (and absolutely shamelessly at that)

-Anytime they meet someone new it's immediately “which hat is better?” “Joseph’s is worse, right?” “Can you start the stopwatch for us?”

-Even in his older years, he never actually stopped making things for Holy, Suzi, and even sometimes Jotaro (thought Joot wouldn’t be caught dead wearing any of it in public)

-He actually progresses past knitting and making clothes in general becomes a secret passion of his

-The hat he’s wearing in part 4? He definitely made that. And don’t even think he doesn’t send Josuke the tackiest shit in the mail

Jonathan is very proud :)

Jotaro

-Animals. Is that even a question?

-Jonathan was always more of a dog or cat person, but the moment he finds out that Jotaro’s interested in marine life? MAN GOES ALL OUT

-He not only researches the shit out of marine biology just so he can hold up a conversation with him, but he also buys A SHIT TON OF BOOKS for his favourite angst man

-We all know that Jotaro isn’t exactly a man of words, but his heart is touched when they exchange a few sentences and Jonathan shows up the next day with a book all about what they were talking about🥺

-Like—Jonathan was always scolded for never listening to his father, but when it comes to stuff like this, Jotaro swears he’s able to read his mind

-Most people can barely get him to utter a sentence, but when these two are alone they’ll talk for hours about the ocean

-Holy was actually pretty worried for a while that Jotaro rarely ever opened up to anyone, but after seeing the two of them talk it was like a weight lifted off her shoulders :)

-They go on trips all the time to study water life. First, it's just to the river a few minutes away. Then they start going out to the lake nearby, and then they’re suddenly borrowing Joseph’s private boat and going on all these “research trips” together

-Which just consist of Jotaro taking hundreds of pictures and surprisingly never shutting up about what he sees (which is definitely a first)

-They pass by snooty, rich fishermen all the time who make fun of them for only looking at the animals, and Jonathan secretly uses Hamon to attract the fish to anywhere but where the fishers are lol

-I can blame snipster on instagram for introducing me to Smiletaro but the pure happiness and smiles of happy Joot on this boat with Jonathan is like a DRUG

-Star Platinum is absolutely thrilled, and when Jonathan realizes that Star is an amazing artist, he actually buys the stand a cute little purple notebook to draw all the ocean life they come across :3

-The moment they get back to shore Jotaro’s all -_- again around people, but you can still see the excitement in his eyes if you look hard enough

-When he gets into school for marine biology, Jonathan is so fucking proud

-This is an au which means anything can happen so I formally declare that Jonathan definitely got Jotaro those golden dolphin-shaped coat pins when the man first goes off to Uni

-He wears them as a good luck charm :3

Josuke

-Josuke is soooo easy to get along with, especially since both of them are such warm people :)

-Jonathan figures that it wouldn’t be hard to find something fun to do together, but when he actually thinks about it...he really knows nothing about what Josuke likes to do

-He ends up just asking the kid next time they see each other, and they end up just agreeing to teach each other one thing the other doesn’t know

-Because the power of KNOWLEDGE BABYYY

-Josuke shows up the next day with an entire fucking Nintendo 64 and is absolutely set on teaching him how to play something

-Erina just kinda watches like 👁👄👁 as Josuke plugs it in and Jonathan is confused but also SUPER EXCITED because he barely even knows what a video is but there are also video games??

-After much internal debate, Josuke decides on Ocarina of Time because he’s worried Jonathan will have a fucking heart attack if they play something like Mario Kart

-Also he thinks Jojo would enjoy the whole “righteous hero coming of age” archetype thing because,,,you know,,,

-They start it up and immediately Jonathan is like WHAT and has no idea how to play and dies in ways that Josuke didn’t even know were possible, but they somehow make it to the first temple with a lot of help from Josuke

-Right before the boss fight, his mom pulls up like “bitch we gotta go come on” so Josuke sees no harm in leaving the system at Jonathan’s and coming back next week

-Oho,,,ohohooo,,,

-He comes back a week later to a dark house,,,Erina’s off on some trip, and he can hear the faintest “HYAH!” coming from the living room

-He walks in to find Jonathan in the exact same spot he left him, ALL OTHER SAVE FILES ARE COMPLETE, and he’s in some obscure location doing a side quest Josuke didn’t even know existed

-Turns out he’s really good at quest games

-After Josuke realizes that Jonathan’s managed to beat the game more than once, he asks if he wants to try out another game

-To which Jonathan replies: “There’s MORE?”

.

-Aside from giving Jonathan a crippling video game addiction, Josuke also learns a vital thing about Jonathan Joestar

-Hamon ^-^

-Josuke’s a little surprised that Jonathan can even see his stand, and Jonathan has no other way to explain it than that it must be connected to his Hamon somehow

-To which Josuke is like “what” and Jonathan realizes that his stupid fucking grandson decided not to tell ANY OTHER Joestar about Hamon

-He’s no Zeppeli, but he could try and teach him...even if it didn’t work, it would still be a nice bonding activity

-When Jonathan finds out that Josuke’s stand ability is revolved around healing, he’s overjoyed because he might have a better chance

-They start small with breathing exercises and meditation, which eventually lead to Jonathan trying to teach Josuke how to make things like flowers

-Since it doesn’t exactly come naturally to Josuke, things don’t exactly work out,,,but both are unsurprisingly happy when Josuke manages to make a single flower bloom :3

-It’s not much, but it’s there and it honestly makes Josuke feel much better knowing that he could eventually learn how to heal himself, too :)

Giorno

-Jonathan considered teaching Giorno Hamon a while ago, but he realized that his stand already has the properties of Hamon, if not just in a more humanoid form

-And when Jojo puts two and two together that he and his son can both grow a lot of plant life, he has the perfect idea

-Garden buddies!!!! :D

-They grow everything you could possibly think of, and to top it all off, Giorno fills the garden with all this animal life :)

-When it comes to biology, Giorno never shuts up about it. He’s the quietest kid when it comes to virtually anything else but prepare for MAJOR info dumps about frogs and his vast knowledge of flowers

-Speaking of flowers, them just sitting and growing them together and talking about all of their favourites? Yes please

-Although they love to accelerate plant growth, there’s one patch in the middle of the garden that they’re determined to grow naturally

-Also them growing and eating carambola (star fruit) together because it’s my pocket dimension that makes no sense and I get to decide what fun fruits the Joestars get to eat together

-the garden becomes a great place for picnics and outings and the best place to go when things get too chaotic

-Giorno starts a plant journal where he records everything that ends up growing there, and Jonathan starts impulse buying all these flower guide books so they can look at pictures of them and put their favourites in the garden :3

-They end up creating a little pond in the middle of everything, and Giorno puts a whole bunch of frogs and fish in it and it's all very tranquil and calm and nice :))

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

I was gonna do part 6 (maybe part 7 too?) but mental energy? I don’t know her, sorry y’all :(

Feel free to add on though!! I wanna see what y’all would think Jonathan would wanna do with Jolyne or anyone else I missed :D My first thought for Jolyne was Rugby because Jonathan was a rugby KING and I feel like she’d be really good at it lmao

[dulce-pjm]

get to know me tag game !!

tagged by the lovely @hauntedlilies !! thanks sweet m! these are always fun :))

as usual i rambled and got a little personal with the answers so you know all you followers keep building up the blackmail material i guess LOL

When is your birthday?

january 15!

What is your favorite color?

ahhh it’s always changing but rn i’m vibing with purple, pink, green, and yellow :))

What’s your lucky number?

7, 10, 15 :)

Do you have any pets?

yes !!! two cats and two dogs and i adore them !!!

How tall are you?

5′8″ (watch out jimin!! based on the evidence i have seven years left to outgrow you !!!)

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i haven’t a clue

Favorite song?

my go-to answer is always seesaw but tbh it’s so hard to pick !!

Favorite movie?

agghhhhhh how do you choose???? i’ve mostly been watching animated movies recently bc it comforts me so probably your name or monster’s inc :)

What would be your ideal partner?

...park jimin?

LOL in all seriousness... i tend to like extroverts and just people who are super passionate about something !!! both romantically and in any relationship!! honestly oikawa tooru is the template i would drop everything and marry him he is a precious petty idiot and i love him the most

Do you want children?

fjdslgkhsdlkfjlsd not right now !!!! i tend to not answer this question too directly because i have plenty of time to think about it and i don’t want to tie myself to any direction !!!

Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

lol no but i think after a quick scroll through my tumblr you could have guessed that 

What color socks are you wearing?

no socks !!! unless it’s winter and i’m freezing sleeping in socks is a crime >:( but earlier i was wearing pink and purple socks !

Bath or shower?

depends !! but i never feel clean after a bath and still end up showering, the bath is just for me to chill 

Favorite type of music?

hmmmm kpop, musical theatre, minecraft music LOL

How many pillows do you sleep with?

four !! SLFKJLDSGH lol

Which position do you sleep in?

depends !!! i used to sleep exclusively on my stomach but i’ve changed a bit and honestly any position is possible! but no matter what i am cuddling a pillow (with the other three piled around me) and probably holding my own hand LOL 

What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

being cold :( i can deal with hot but being freezing is terrible !! i like to spread out but when you’re cold you have to like curl yourself up to preserve heat

What do you have for breakfast?

cold leftovers are the ideal breakfast <3 i used to like breakfast foods but most of them just make me nauseous now so i end up just eating leftovers or coffee/tea 

Have you ever tried archery?

like once? like literally did one shot. was not good 

Favorite fruit?

strawberries !!!! yum yum yum (after that probably mango)

Favorite swear word?

i don’t know that i have a favorite but i say fuck the most LOL

Do you have any scars?

yes !! i’m clumsy so i have many burn scars on my hands from cooking or curling my hair (the biggest one was very creatively named Mark by my bestie and beta reader @delayedimperfection). i also have several scars from my psycho/lovely cat on my arms and hands (and then i went in the sun after getting several of them and yeah they probably will never go away it’s fine)

Are you a good liar?

nope !!! especially if you know me i think my tells are just easy to pick up on!! i rarely win as imposter in among us :( tragic 

What’s your personality type?

infp-t!! i think that’s what this is asking

What’s your favorite type of girl?

all !!!! 

Left or right handed?

right !! my left hand is useless <33

Favorite food?

sushi !!!! it’s filling but a lot of food makes me nauseous nowadays and i never feel that way after eating sushi 

Are you clean or messy?

messy !!

Favorite foreign food?

well i guess sushi LOL but i am always down to try something new!

How long does it take for you to get ready?

depends on how greasy my hair is!! anywhere from five minutes to an hour-ish

Most used phrase?

lol probably “oh my gosh” and “oh my god.” i also say this phrase that’s like from a specific city but i honestly do not even know to spell it it’s like gibberish i don’t even know

**update (not that anyone was asking) but i did some research and the phrase is jeezle petes!! it’s not exclusive to the city i picked it up from but that one city is how i learned it :))

Are you a good singer?

lol i’d like to hope so !!! i did musical theatre for several years so if i’m terrible well whoops? lol

Do you sing to yourself?

of course !!! 

Biggest fear?

ummmm idk i am such a scaredy cat so i’d say most things spook me !! i guess i’d say abandonment as a serious answer and ghosts as a silly(ish) one 

Do you like long or short hair?

i generally like shorter hair (on myself and other people) but i mean different hairstyles suit different people !!

Are you into gossip?

idk i don’t like to speculate and i try to always give people the benefit of the doubt but !!! if it’s me and my mom in the car well then no fucking mercy 

Extrovert or introvert?

introvert !!!! if you message me first i’ll love you forever (also hence why i love extroverts, they balance me out !!)

Favorite school subject?

i love love love chemistry and any kind of science !!!! (definitely haven’t projected that into any of my fics no no no...)

What makes you nervous?

being in unfamiliar places !! i hate feeling lost or feeling like people can tell that i’m lost

Who was your first real crush?

fjdlsghsdlk idk... i have such a hard time expressing and processing romantic feelings that i’m not really sure that i’ve had one !!! my best guess is probably my best friend a few years ago but honestly i don’t really even think i had a crush, i was just trying to reciprocate how he felt SJLDGKJLSDGKH this is soooo personal anyways~~~~~

How many piercings do you have?

i used to have three in each ear but due to some unfortunate circumstances two (in each ear) grew in :( i plan to get them re-pierced soon though !!

How fast can you run?

GJLSDGHLDKF idk ????? i’d like to think i’m relatively fast because i have longer legs but honestly that’s such a lie i have to be in fear to really be fast LOL

What makes you angry?

hmmm!! tbh it takes a lot to make me mad, i’m pretty chill and usually i get sad/upset rather than actually angry! but the quickest way to make me mad is to like expect something from me and never communicate it!! i can’t read your fucking mind i’m the biggest people pleaser i know and would probably bend over backwards for you if you just told me GJSLDKFHL yes this is about a very specific set of instances <3333

Do you like your own name?

yeah, actually !! naomi is an alias, i chose it just for fun, but i like my irl name too :)

What are your weaknesses?

my crippling self doubt :’) also i’m so ticklish it isn’t funny. hmmmm i also tend to put other people’s needs before my own and then let them take advantage of that GHLSDKFJS it’s fine. AND i need everyone to like me all the time especially when they are mean to me (which makes me easy to manipulate unfortunately flsdkghdlskfj why am i giving out this info)

What are your strengths?

i think i give okay advice and i’m good at teaching other people things !!! i’ve also been told i’m very genuine and honest :)

What is the color of your bedspread?

grey !!

Color of your room?

lol grey, white, and then honestly just an assorted bunch of colors

this was fun !!! tagging @softbobamilktae, @moon-write​, and @jtrbluv !!!

[gintamajustaway]

i hope you don't mind me asking - you don't have to answer this of course. why did you delete your fics instead of orphaning it? i'm just curious.

It’s always okay to ask, I don’t mind answering at all! I’ve answered this before, actually, but I remember that being pretty short, so I’ll go for the long answer this time. 

Putting it below the cut for you!

SO! I don’t know how much you’ve gathered about me, but I have anxiety and it used to be really crippling. It was hard to do very simple things because I’d overthink things about as much as a person can and I’d feel sick. Did you know that I used to queue my asks? Publishing them when I was around made me so anxious that I had to queue them to come out when I knew I wasn’t going to be anywhere near a computer. Like with all anxiety, my fears were irrational and more often than not, unfounded. That’s just an example, but it was constant anxiety over stupid things all the time, which is so goddamn exhausting, let me tell you.

I’ve changed a lot, though. I’m not the person I used to be. I still have anxiety, of course, that sort of thing never goes away, but it’s different now. I’ve worked so hard to change my perspective and now, my anxiety is more like a friend than anything. It didn’t happen over night and there are still some things that can set me off pretty good, but it’s nothing like it used to be and it’s all because I changed my mindset. Going out in big groups of people used to be really difficult for me and it made me soooo anxious. I’d always be so, so worried about stupid shit. “What if they don’t like me?” “What if I say something embarrassing?” “What if I offend someone?” So on and so forth, just an endless cycle of nonsense that crowded my head so much that I was the quiet one that barely spoke and I never wanted to go out. I go out all the damn time now and I have a blast. All because I sat my ass down and questioned myself. Why was I getting so worked up over whether people will like me? The real question is actually: Do I like them? Because it’s stupid to worry over whether people will like you if you don’t like them to begin with, you know? 

So, just a lot of that. Retraining my brain to realize that while it’s important to be conscious of others, it’s also important to be comfortable in my own skin. I can’t and won’t forego my own mental health for the sake of others, especially strangers or people I barely know. I’m so comfortable in my own skin now and through a lot of trial and error, I’ve learned to wholly love myself, which is an incredible thing. I’m not without my faults and there will always be ways I can improve myself, but I’ve built up the foundation to continue my own growth. I’ve turned my once crippling anxiety into something almost fun because now when I feel my anxiety spiking I can turn it into a game of analyzing why I’m feeling that way and it usually leads to some form of growth as I conquer new/old fears. There are times I can’t quite handle it, too. Anxiety like mind can bring some not so great depression along with it from time to time, but I’ve got a great support system. All I have to do when I feel it getting bad is tell my inner circle and they come through for me each and every time. It’s not like a need much, but knowing I have people I can reach out to no matter what and they’ll unfailingly be there is so soothing.

I’m pretty sure my anxiety wouldn’t be this bad if I hadn’t had a certain incident with a friend’s drunk dad when I was small kid. That really fucked me up and I’ve carried that with me for years. But I’ve overcome it now. I can talk about it easier. I can confront it without flinching. I can look that old friend in the eye and talk to her about it without feeling like I want to disappear, rip my own skin off, or both. That’s huge for me and I’m proud of myself for it! 

I’ve spewed a lot in this post, but this all has a purpose, I promise LOL When it came to deleting my fics, I had to figure out how I felt about them and what I wanted to do with them. I don’t think I’ve talked about this at length, but realizing my heart had moved away from writing fanfiction was a surprise to me. It had probably been building for awhile, I just hadn’t noticed, but it was like one day it was fine and then the next I realized my passions rested more with original works than anything else. It came down to the feeling of, “I love this more than I love this anymore,” and those types of feelings are completely natural. People change and their interests waver -- don’t let anyone tell you that you have to keep doing something for their sake, that’s just not how it works. It was a strange transition though since fanfiction had been part of my life for so long. Once I realized where my passions had shifted, I announced my final fanfic in the Onwards zine and began my transition.

The day I deleted my fics was kind of spur of the moment. It had crossed my mind for awhile, but I’d never acted on it until suddenly I went for it. All the fanfiction I wrote, it’s important to note that I’m incredibly proud of every single thing I made. I had a 90k+ ONE-SHOT that was so badass and I worked through so much of my own shit to write it. I improved over and over and over again. My very first Gintama fanfic (called “Two Men, One Box”) was so much fun that I can remember the day I wrote it. I can actually remember a lot from each fic I wrote. Where I was, how I felt, etc. They bring back a lot of really great memories and they track a journey for me.

Don’t know if you know this, but I used to write for other fandoms. If I’d been writing for kudos and comments I would have stayed in the Naruto fandom because I was popular there, too, and since that fandom is bigger, the following was bigger. I never cared about that stuff though, it’s just not important to me and never has been. Every time I switched fandoms I tended to delete work from that fandom. My Naruto fics were deleted pretty quick after I fell more in love with Gintama and began writing for it. (There were other fandoms before Naruto, but I didn’t write much for those and the fics never stayed up long.) It felt good to delete them, to me. I was moving on and in my head, it made sense for all those fics to move on as well. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t proud of those fics -- I am still to this day proud of them all, every single one. So, deleting my fics is not a new thing, but deleting as many of them as I did for Gintama in one go was new.

Orphaning them had crossed my mind, but I don’t think I’d ever really considered it an option. I love my fics, every single last one of them, and the idea of them floating out in cyberspace without my name plastered all over them felt like an injustice to myself. They’re mine and I love them so fiercely. Which ties into my anxiety, in its own way (which is why I spent time explaining it above). When I thought about “abandoning” them or “orphaning” them, I felt my anxiety rise a bit and that was enough to tell me that leaving them up wasn’t an option. If I didn’t like the thought of doing that, then I wouldn’t like it if I actually did it and left those great works out there without my name on them. People can call that selfish if they want, I don’t care, because it’s not selfish at all. I don’t need to consult strangers before I make decisions. Those fics are part of me and I wouldn’t feel whole without them. It’s not wrong for me to take pride in my work and it’s definitely not wrong to decide what’s best for me regarding the things I created.

So, that’s the long story of why I didn’t orphan them. It wasn’t a viable option as far as I’m concerned. I’d always deleted my fics in the past when I moved on from fandoms and it was good closure for me to delete all my fics when I realized I was collectively done with fanfiction.

[mermaids-gypsies]

IBS the first

And here.. we.. go.. she says in the joker’s voice.

Sooo, I’ve decided to use this platform as a diary/blog about my truly miserable life as an IBS sufferer. Now before you get too far in and read more than you may want to. Let me tell you for anyone out there, that doesn’t know what IBS is. IBS stands for irritable bowel syndrome, and let me tell you, I have one VERY irritable bowel, which in turn makes for a VERY irritable lady.

It’s basically what it sounds like. You’ve got a bowel that goes crazy over random shit, no pun intended (but also a little bit intended because it’s for real a laugh or cry illness). Now, let’s be clear right from the get go, THERE IS NO CURE TO IBS! To explain it simply the doctors and scientists don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you. Which adds to the fun because they gonna put cameras up your butt, down your throat, get poop samples for what feels like the hundredth time and after each test you’re gonna get a little glimmer of hope going “oh my god, this might be it, maybe we’ve figured it out and they can fix me” only to go back into that doctor’s office, sit down and them tell you “all the tests came back normal”. Like okay, thanks doc, but I know this ain’t normal. It’s not normal to shit my pants after having dairy or to bloat to what looks like six months pregnant when I eat broccoli. DO NOT even get me started on stone fruits or garlic and onion.

Now, let me be real honest, my doctor is AMAZING. Every single time I walk into that office, she is there with me 100%, she’s listening to everything I say, and she is actually listening. But has she run many tests, found no answers and is she getting as frustrated as me, yes. She’s fucking right there with me. Only someone with a chronic illness is gonna sit here and be like “my doctor, she’s my ride or die”, but that’s me baby. I fucking love her. On another level, I also feel soo fucking bad for her, imagine being a doctor because you want to make people feel better, and you get this young girl coming in like “wah, I pass gas way too much and it smells, and I feel nauseous if I don’t eat but I can’t eat anything because it gives me pain, and I get diarrhea every day and then I don’t poop for like a week, and I’m tired all the time, oh and I get these intense pains in my side and I can’t get them to go away unless I take strong pain killers”, and it’s now been 8 fucking years of this! and sure we have a diagnosis “irritable bowel syndrome” but that literally is the name they give any digestive issues when they don’t know what’s wrong. So, really it’s little to no help in making my life any better in terms of treatment.

Hold on, “but there’s so many people out there with it so much worse”. Like, don’t get me wrong, I fucking know this and I feel for these people, I honestly do. If this is “just digestive issues”, I can only imagine how those people feel. But this brings us to a whole new problem with this illness, I’m going to have these issues for the rest of my life, this is a CHRONIC ILLNESS. So when people sit there and go “but it’s just digestive issues”, “you don’t look sick”. I wanna kick them, real hard, in a painful place. It’s not like I don’t get it. I don’t look sick, and a lot of the time, I hide my symptoms, I hide the fact I’m in pain and it’s not like I’m going to tell every tom dick and harry that I almost poop my pants on the daily. That’s not exactly an acceptable conversation topic, is it?But if someone tells you they have an illness, you do not downgrade it to make yourself feel better. Stop comparing people, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT and so are their illnesses.

So really don’t get me wrong, I know there is people out there that simply don’t know that I’m sick or that won’t be able to understand what goes on with IBS and how it effects your life every single day. Do I want them to understand my point of view? absolutely! Do I want to go around constantly explaining it? Strong no. The most basic answer I can come up with for people who don’t have IBS to understand what it feels like is, imagine having a constant stomach bug or constant food poisoning. Obviously, these things vary greatly depending on the individual. So does IBS and the symptoms that come with it, but, this is really the easiest way for me to give people an insight into how I feel in a way that most people can actually comprehend.

We haven’t even got to the ANXIETY that comes with this illness. This is the fun bit guys. Some people won’t be able to fathom this, and some people will. Anxiety is completely different to anyone that has it, each person will have different triggers, they will have different feelings, they will have different methods of coping. Anyone who is living with anxiety knows, it’s not fun and it’s especially not fun to have to explain why your anxious about something. “I just don’t want to okay, leave me alone”. I’m that person that lashes out when I’m in an uncomfortable situation (I also getting gassy when I’m uncomfortable, and then I get uncomfortable because I’m gassy, and then I get more gassy because I’m more uncomfortable, and around and around we gooo). So yes, I push nice people away because I feel like fucking shit and someone asking me questions, even when I know they genuinely care and want to help, just annoys me when I’m in that head space. I just sit there like “can you shut the fuck up and let me fucking deal with this and like, I’ll get back to you in a minute or two. JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.” Like, I just wanna go outside, fart like a hundred times, gather my thoughts, let the logical me take over my body again and then we can continue on.

The really fun thing about IBS is they know some things for sure, but it’s not anything overly useful. It’s all bullshit like “stress has a direct effect on the bowel and can make IBS symptoms worse”, well thank you science, I’ll try and keep nice and calm and not stress about the fact that there is no toilet near me and I’m probably about to shit my pants in the next two - three seconds.Or the fact I’m in a crowd and been holding in multiple farts for so long I now have a crippling stomach ache. Seriously, think for a minute about anything that you get excited or nervous about. Now, imagine pooping yourself nearly every time you got nervous or excited....... That’s alotta poop.

I could literally carry on about this all night. There is soooo many things I want to get out of my fucking head that I seriously cannot express because I absolutely suck at talking about my feelings *que nervous farts and poops at the thought of intimate conversation*

I said previously that this was a laugh or cry illness. I try my absolute best to choose to laugh. But, honestly, sometimes you need a good cry. Shout out again to my doctor that has to try and understand what I’m trying to tell her while I’m sitting in the appointment blubbering and sniffling like the complete emotional wreck that this illness has made me. 

For now, goodbye. I hope everyone has an amazing day and feels so happy and healthy.

Also, if you have IBS or anxiety or even just wanna get something off your chest, feel free to message me! :)

Much love, x

[dememarquette]

Stockholm

It has been a rough year. Complete Hell, actually, but we made it. We're home. Home. 2018, where the leaves are turning red, cable can be paused, and our old record shop exhausted itself into extinction.

That's all I needed. After death, my standards dropped through the concrete. I found gratification in the mundane. I appreciated the small things. I enjoyed the understated conversations, the intimate ones, the quiet. Just- Any time absent of violence. Pain. When I didn't have to worry about the orders being screamed at us, or the anxiety living under the heel of someone much bigger and nastier. Was it a lot to ask? Generally, no. Following a thwarted attempt at societal collapse? Maybe. We made it back half a year ago. That was six months on the run. We were fugitives. 'War criminals.' We avoided trouble by bouncing back and forth from Hell, running missions, training, and staying on the move while ensuring Buné's new order- Point is, I've been exhausted. I leaned against our apartment. I lost track of what city we're in but when you're anarchists of the divine, it stopped mattering. I didn't want to think about it. I didn’t want to think at all. I let my world fall into serenity and I took peace in as cars passed. I felt the breeze on my skin, the procession of life outside the damned. There was normalcy in the city. I offered smiles to the pedestrians that walked by. I reminded them of a preacher, the charismatic one they used to watch every Thursday night. I obviously wasn't the same guy. I was a disheveled, sadder version, but some smiled back- Before a loud crash sent them running. "Son of a BITCH." Metal clanged against stone. One girl dropped her umbrella. She ran. Her rubber boots beat the pavement until she turned a corner, a block away. "Mother. Fucker. LIED." Adria kneed a recycling bin. "I should have known this would happen. It was too fucking easy." "Too easy...?" "No one gets promoted that quick! Doesn't MATTER if you do all his dirty work," The bin split. "Start an apocalypse," Glass shattered. Garbage blasted down the asphalt. "Beat the new guys in!" I had no idea what part of the last few months had been anything short of excruciating. I just knew better to argue. I picked up the discarded umbrella, shaking off the puddle. "Is it off the table, then?" I asked, spinning it. "Obviously not! I'm up here aren't I?" "Why, then?" She violently bucked her leg. A tenacious grocery bag that clung to her boot. "He wants another job! Another fucking errand before I can prove myself, get OFF! Stupid-!!" She dislodged it, but not without throwing out her calf. The cops would be here in fifteen minutes. In twenty, she would be destroying our wall instead. We weren’t getting that security deposit back. "I thought that's what Glenshollow was."  I shuttered the umbrella's canopy closed. Peace was over. "Proving yourself." "Yeah well, it wasn't enough!" "'course it wasn't." It never would be. There was always more hoops, more grunt work. She punched a trash can into the street. It launched past me, aluminum warped. When her fist whipped back around, it specked the wall, corrosively leaving hissing black holes in the brick like the spray of a Tommy. "One more." She huffed. "Just- one more. He says I'm close." "When you're immortal everything is close. What if he never promotes you? What if he is a liar, like he's always been?" "Shut up." My brows furrowed. "Adria. What's the point in trusting him if-" "Shut up. This was the limit. I knew it. There was no reasoning with her. She glared, shoulders heaving with a finality saying I was a much more satisfying target than a garbage bin. I let it drop. I receded to the street in silence. Back against the wall, I stood at my post: Protecting the outside world from Adria. - - - The attack on Delgado yielded over 200 casualties. Months of preparation amounted to a twelve hour skirmish. Powers above squashed the epidemic in no time. It was an incursion controlled by dinner yet the effects rippled through the decades. History was made. It was covered up, then made again, but Buné never cared about petty tragedies and coverage above the surface. He cared about what happened after. It was a victory, not a failure. Overnight, his army doubled. They arrived onto his doorstep in droves. Marked. Branded by their wrath, the shambling husks were primed soldiers. Their consciousness’ were forever crippled into malleable potential Buné can use. Due to her stellar efforts, Adria earned respect, boons, and prestige. Just not the title. Her notoriety made her optimal for missions back in the present. He turned a blind eye to her angelic compatriot, and gave her a team. None of whom she cared for, but she thought maybe her parade of volatile dumbasses was a start to prime her for the big leagues. It wasn't. 'Lieutenant' was a bar being raised higher, and Adria's patience was burning out. Having a team didn't mean jackshit if she was still at the bottom. There was no repose to be had under someone else. While I also yearned for a delusionally quiet life- It just wasn't feasible. Details arrived the following morning. "What is this?" I wandered into the kitchen to find Adria pouring over blueprints. They were three feet by one thin drafts of paper, and full of intricate blocks with barely legible text. I'm by no means an architect or mechanic, but ‘boat’ was a safe bet. She was sitting there, nails knotted in her bangs, reviewing them like she had any idea of what they meant. "His assignment." "And this is what will supposedly get you promoted?" I said, skeptically. "It better." 'Or else what?' I wanted to ask. "And this is supposed to be harder than zombies?" "It's not supposed to be harder. It's finishing what we started." "How does that make sense?" I said, picking at another sheet. I didn't trust our 'team' to go get milk without fucking up, much less a heist? "I do what I'm told so I can get out of this shithole." While I intended to correct her on the ‘we’ situation, of that we could agree on. No matter how far this rabbit hole goes, I was sure there was something to be found at the end of it. Call me an opportunist. I hopped onto the counter. Tilting my head, I realized if you removed the claws, fangs, subterfuge, this felt familiar. I imagined a kitchen. Countertops crowded claustrophobically with congratulations and community love. A bare room that felt like bustling potential and a new lease on life rather than a pit stop. I scooched closer, crossing my legs to wedge between an imaginary dinette set and unpacked vacuum- She knew me by now. Too well. I could see it when her shoulders tense, her eyes snap to meet mine. ’Don’t-’ All that mattered was that her subconscious beat her to it. “So if you're promoted soon…” I rehearsed. “How are we going to celebrate?" Finding no room there, he crossed his legs instead. She was unpacking a mess. An obstacle course of bins, stacked impossibly high. There was no space except the marble. Adria had a hard time throwing anything vaguely sentimental out, and the collective town of Ashwater sent her off with enough supplies to stock a bunker. In lieu of helping (as he had invited himself over to do) he read over her acceptance letter to the Modena Police Academy three times over. He had the message memorized, and its creases too. The edges were folded from her happy dance, and the text smeared from her tears. How many Shakespearean ways could he recite it to her? How many ways could he decree her new title? The answer was a lot. But when that stopped being fun, he asked. "Soooo with this new promotion.” He slid closer. “How are we celebrating?" This came after a mandatory lunch. 5 box milestone. 15 minute break, then a ten. Finally dinner, and now a catch-all celebration. She looked up at him grinning, arms full of silverware. She was hopelessly behind, and would’ve had the place done at noon on her own, but what could she say? "How about we celebrate by...unpacking the kitchen?" "C'mon dep- oops." "Detective." “Detective Kyriakoulopoulos.” He waggled his brows. “It’s time to party! One does not become the most esteemed detective of the wild, formidable city of Modena every day.” "Not yet!" She swiped the letter. Before he could protest- talking with his hands, like he always did- she grabbed them, effectively silencing him. He was pulled to the floor, where his strategy switched. He hooked both arms around her waist, pulling her in. She’d weakly protest. "Come on,” She said, not fighting it. “I need to make it look like I got something done. My family is coming over tomorrow." "And they're going to be real disappointed if they don't have anything to unpack.” He grinned. “Think of Basil and Elyse, all bored. They want to help." “And you don’t?” "...Champagne?" When she came to I was off the counter. It'd been days since her last episode. Weeks. So few and far between, on days where she was kicking some guy’s teeth in, I worried they were gone for good. But she blinked. I held my breath for the fallout. Only she saw these memories, but I felt them. I lived in them every time her eyes went dark, when her lips twitched, and I knew she was following the subtitles. In those quiet moments where the pit of venom in her heart receded, Adria crawled back from her grave. Always in painfully brief snapshots, but she was there. These were the tick on her EKG, the surge in hope telling me she was still alive, under all the cruelty and malice. She didn’t receive them as well. She never did. They hit like a jackhammer. No matter how light, they weren’t her life, they were fake, and she didn’t give a shit about them. Getting as worked up as I did was a small betrayal but one I couldn’t resist. She hated me for it- But still. She was quick to tell me how useless I was when she didn’t oblige. How I would mope for weeks if she couldn’t recite this ‘stupid fantasy’ back. It was the only thing I had, despite promises I’d made to the contrary. We never said it, but we both knew. "What did you see?" I asked, breathless. She dug the heel of her palm into her eye socket, burrowing into it like she’d scrape it off her retinas. “No.” She growled, low. "Adria..." I begged. “NO, Demetrius.” She snatched the blueprints. “I don't have any time for this shit today! I have work to do." “Please.” "Mission. First. Are you going to come with me or not?" The answer was a given. - - - Under the cover of night, we hit the docks. I wasn't given the specifics. That wasn't to imply they did, because they didn't. Wrath demons maximized their shadiness. We never had any idea what we were walking into because Buné expected us to handle it- especially his aspiring lieutenants. There was no hand holding. We had a location, a number, and a time limit. Be a good soldier, and that's all there was to it. Adria corralled us to a neighboring container ship. The ship Buné marked- The Sandfly, an antiquated naval cruiser- bobbed beside us. We were to board, grab our shit, and leave. Casualties didn’t matter. Fifth didn’t care about getting dirty if you had something to show for it. Even so, sneaking past enemy lines didn’t mean a thing when there was friendly fire. She and her ‘team’ had been trading blows the whole way here. One lost a tooth, another revived an ancient blood feud, and a third tried for Adria’s head in a manner that was custom. He was promptly put down. "ENOUGH," Adria slammed him into a metal wall. Spines chipped on impact, and the wall buckled. It wasn’t the first time she cracked a bone on her own soldiers, and she never laid hands on them without leaving something to remember. His wound audibly sizzled and but it was so routine no one revelled in the example. "ALL of you are idiots, but if you want to live, get your shit together NOW. Buné does not care about you stupid peons, and I don’t even remember your names! Do you understand? You're fucking expendable." Three grumbled reluctant acceptance. The forth hissed from the ground. Her patience was thinner than mine. I stood idly by, impassive to the petty demon squabbles. They tended not to mess with me. Not seriously, anyways. They didn't care for me being here. I couldn’t escape errant comments but I never cared about hecklers. Adria abraded anyone who tried harder, and operating under her coriaceous wing meant I learned how to defend myself. Procedural power-grabs out of the way, we moved as a group to board. Those with the spare limbs to do so glided to the bridge with no problem. I needed the extra help- not without snide remarks but Adria shut them up with a heel through their feet. We convened on the other side, up to five injuries before mission start. "I go in first.” She debriefed after egos were bruised, and rebellious spirits squashed. “On my command you will join, one at a time! Any sooner I'll kick your ass back down to Hell. I want us in and out, no showboating. Understood?!" "Yes." They said. No one was ignorant of how important this mission was to her career. She told me on the way here she’d bury anyone who stood in the way. But I was the one interrupting this time. "No-" I said. "Wait." I held a hand to the wall. Nonsensically I felt comfort since boarding- and not because Adria held me by the waist to fly me over. I felt warmth. A metaphysical type. One that replaced the ever-present rotting in my chest I've come to associate with Adria (it’s an acquired taste, psychologists would claim). Whatever this ship was emitting- this cloying homesickness- couldn't be good. My disruption was met with the usual scorn. Special privileges meant I could speak out when others got a boot to the face. She took any input from me during these missions seriously. For reasons that were obvious- I didn't talk much otherwise. "What?" I moved my palm with the wave of energy. The feeling persisted down the entry hatch, and upward, as if part of the ventilation. “Let me go in first. I think it's a trap.” "Of course it's a trap. What else would it be?" The other demoness on our team spat. "Since when is your pet calling the shots?!" "He's going to get us killed." It wasn't unusual for members of her meathead party to be disgusted when I said anything. Perks of sleeping with the boss; I had seniority, even if it didn't align with their thug rules. One bland look and she threw out their objections. "Back off!” She snarled, slapping them behind her.“He's going first." "But-" "No arguing!!" I dipped inside. Their fragile hierarchy devolved into fighting. Stealth was never part of their operation but Adria had been in the game long enough to hold off all four. I padded down the corridor, unconcerned, and tracing the path. The ship was a relic of the past. The whole thing was corroded ceiling to floor, suffering a carmine splattering of rust. Stairs were welded grates, and the doors were embedded with port holes too scratched to see through. It was an asbestos goldmine but I wasn't looking for the ways it'd kill a person. Where the heat ended, the nauseating rot of corruption was back, even if I knew our team was far behind outside. Demons. "-Two of them are in." A radio transponder scratched. Sound feed bounced off the metallic halls. Luckily, I'd been quiet. "She's not." "What's she doing?" Said the room's inhabitant. "Standing guard?" I slid around the door frame. His back was to me. He flicked a lighter in his hand, reclined all the way back in a dubious office chair. On, and off went the flame, prompting me to look above. What I was feeling above was the sprinkler system- conveniently blocked in this room. As tempted as I was to trip a holy water shower, knowing she'd be safe, I knew better. "Yeah." Said the radio. "Seems like it." “She's not one to be a pussy.” "Well she is tonight!" "Maybe she needs encouragement.” He hunched over the command station. It wasn’t modern enough to be outfitted with anything more than ham radio and inscrutable dials. I approached from the behind. I wasn't armed. I never carried anything on me because I never came on these missions to do anything but protect Adria. Anything that could truly hurt her was beyond a pistol or rusty shank. “Shake down one of her lackies, make it real loud. She'll come running." "While you're in there and I'm out here?" The conspirator barked a laugh that crossed the feed like a spike in static. "Hell no. She isn’t known for her patience. Give her time." I wasn't going to. I gripped the back of his chair. Using all 150 pounds to my name, I tipped it. It's wheels spun out from under him. He crashed into the floor, the collision ringing out like gun fire. I took advantage of his momentary disorientation to stomp on his wrist. "What was that?" The disarmed radio chirped, fuzzy. "Was that them? Are they in?" It earned a good kick under the desk. Volume whirred as it spun, revolving on the tile, but safely dispatched. By the time I turned to him, he'd gotten to his feet and was bracing for me. Rigorous training meant I knew how- in theory- to respond to hand-to-hand combat. I was no natural. I didn't have the years of combat these guys did. I didn't have to fight my way out of a sewage pit to survive. I had the eye for one move at a time, not chains. I thoroughly leaned on what she taught me. Eye which foot was forward, recognize where he was putting his weight, while minding my own. So while I was able to lean away from the first hook he threw my way, that's where my advantage expired. The second his fist whirred through the air past me, his leg compensated for the dodge and lobbed the office chair into my knees. No matter the power behind it, in our cramped space with plush seating, that move was good for nothing except bruised knees. She taught me to be skeptical- so as I stumbled awkwardly back, my hands flew up to my face. He hopped the chair. Feinting for another hook, his opposite hand drove heavy punch to my gut. The small, obstacle-ridden area did not give him much of a charging period for momentum but he wasn’t exactly lanky or baby-soft. It hurt- God, it hurt- but pain meant a lot less when you could habitually heal faster than the damned. My block fell to latch onto his forearms. I grabbed him before I could go down. I was winded but he was wailing. I fired them up- I pumped wave after wave of bright energy into his forearms, clinging for dear life. Contrary to the way I set this fight up, I have nothing flashy. Months under her tutelage taught me none of her instinctual killer moves, technique, or style. Maybe for a lack of trying but this was it. My God-given and only finisher- it never failed me before. Why would I stop now? My ribs just stopped aching when he bucked. He took three solid jerks to try to rip my arms out my sockets. All failed when I kicked at knees, and hung off his arms like my next kick was going for his gut. It didn't- he'd drop me, and Adria swore that loss of balance is deadly. Instead I bowed and jumped, headbutting for his jaw. He tucked his head to protect his throat. I got his nose instead, but noted from pitch of the swear, I was doing a whole lot more damage from the arms. I seeked to remedy that. Before I could go for another, he dissolved the height difference and dropped. He twisted- twirling under my arms like a grade school dance. Just when my arms were at the apex (having never let go- his arms were gruesomely soggy in my grip) he jutted up. I arched across his back, then over his shoulder, into the air, and then on the floor. I crashed into the ground dazed, lifting my head just in time for his spined tail to pull a filing cabinet drawer into my temple. It was a miracle I stayed conscious. The collision whited out my vision. Pain lanced through my brain like an electric volt, my head humming. But I didn't need to see him when I could feel him. Those senses worked on another level. I blindly reached out. I found his leg, one hand after the other. Forgoing healing, I devoted every spare bit of Holy power into a lateral pull-up that caved his calf between my fingers. The splitting headache motivated me beyond precedent. His flesh squished, bowing with the pressure fingers exerted like memory foam that didn't bounce back. He collapsed. The muscle was rendered useless, and his cry was ear-shattering through the cellar, and the only thing that pierced the intense ringing in my skull. The lighter fell out of his opposite hand. I swatted that under the desk, too, to join the radio paging frantically for updates. They were right; she would come running when she heard us. I felt her now. "You were going to kill her." I pulled myself to a slouch, hand slipping on the rustle of papers and demon grease of my palms. “You were going to kill her.” He was emerging blearily through the spots in my vision. His hands hovered over his disabled calf, unable to tend to it after I shaped it into an apple core. "What do you care?” He half-cried. “For fuck's sakes, you're the fucking laughing stock of the whole circle. The bitch calls you her pet-" She did that in front of me. "She thinks you're wrapped around her finger!" And she does. Glow from my hands reached my elbows, reflecting in his inverted eyes like cataracts. "Remind me why you care about our relationship?” "Relationship? Is that what you call it?" His leg wobbled. While one arm reached for leverage, the other was after something in his back-pocket. "She's using you. She doesn't love you." She says that to keep up appearances. I followed him to his feet, unconcerned that my vision hadn't fully returned. This fight wouldn’t last much longer. "You were going to kill her." I repeated. "What happens when you fall, huh? What happens when this catches up to you and you aren't worth shit to her anymore? When she has no use for y-" My eyes flicked upward one second before her hand plunged through his neck. Knowing just the way to circumvent his spine, four fingers wiggled through the opposite end of his windpipe. Venom bubbled out his mouth before blood did. Poison seared canals through his lips. Chips of his eroded teeth landed in his lap. His body tipped. "What's with you and talking to them?" She snarled, irritated. She flicked excess onto his back. His final syllables gurgled into the tile, and my power guttered with it. "You were wasting time. You should have taken care of that!" "Sorry," I said, still. I got around to healing my temple, clearing up the humming. Just in case she had anything to refute about what she heard. She didn’t. "What's I say? No time for playing around. Let's go." - - - Shortly after taking care of the riffraff, we had the cargo. It was delivered back to Buné at once. Theoretically this was supposed to prove Adria was competent at not just societal overthrow, but leading too. I didn’t care enough to join that meeting back. I went straight home to cook dinner and mentally prepare for disappointment. When she returned, she slammed the door as per usual. I had dinner on the way, and was wrestling a can opener for dessert. She wasn’t immediately razing the town so it must’ve been good news, despite the firm set of her brow implying the contrary. “What’s the word?” I asked, confused. "My coronation is tomorrow." “...For lieutenant?”

Her promotions thus far have been unceremonious. ‘Now you don’t have to live in the mire,’ ‘Now we won’t beat the shit out of you,’ ‘Now you don’t have to work minimum wage to support a zombie apocalypse.’

"I didn't picture Buné to be one for fanfare." "Yup." "That's- that's great! Isn’t it?" "All that's left now is to get rid of everything holding me back." I frowned. She said it so cold. So sterile, and she hadn’t made eye-contact with me since she walked in. She just threw down her brass knuckles and kicked off her boots under the table.. "-Me?" She snorted. "No, not you." For the barest of seconds I felt relief. With the way fifth worked, that probably meant axing some a big cat, or turf-war over a street above ‘sea level.’ It concerned me as much as any of her new hobbies. But that relief turned to restlessness, and that restlessness to desperation now that we were both here, back in our quiet kitchen, absent of screaming and bloodshed. It was 2 AM and this time was traditionally ours. “What did you see?” I asked. “Earlier I mean.” She glared, snapping out of whatever she was daydreaming about. “You think you deserve that?” I didn’t respond. “You didn’t even take care of the scraps today. You acted like that guy was going to make you cry.” I looked back at her. Looking at her like this used to make her face fall. Back when she felt things like remorse or concern. This Adria held her ground, yielding only when dinner was going to burn. “Whatever. You can make it up to me tomorrow.” “For your coronation…?” “Yes.” She knew how I hated going to demon things. “It’s not going to be in Hell.” She elaborated, when it must’ve been apparent on my face. “Where then?” "Ashwater." I stopped, pot boiling behind me. "...What? How is that what’s holding you back? You want nothing to do with it." "Buné's orders. He wants to make sure. You coming or not?" "Of course.” I said, my conscious late to catch up. Funny how it deteriorates with disuse. “It’s not going to be a team thing, is it? “Nope. You and me. Just how you like it.” “Good.” - - - That night when she showered, I stole her phone. This was double suicide. She'd kill me if she found out, and she'd kill who I was talking to for good measure. If that happened she'd rot in Hell forever, and they would never have a chance. She'd never have a chance. I ducked outside, and shut the sliding glass door behind me. I cowered behind the curtains. Finding the number required an incognito tab. I punched the number through the cracked glass, and prayed for an answer. "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon-" I beat against the balcony rail. It was several painful seconds of ringing, but at the third note, I had an answer. "Hello!" She answered, drowsy. "Ashwater Cottage, Margie speaking!" "Margie!" I cradled the phone with both hands. "I need you to pass on a message. Now." "Huh-?" Her sleepy customer service persona dropped. In the background, a Gilmore Girls rerun muted. "Who is this? I don't understand-" "Get the Kyriakoulopoulos' out of town. I don't care how you do it. I don't care where they go. But get them out of Ashwater. All of them." "What-?" "They are in danger," I swore, wishing she could see my face. I couldn't intone the right amount of peril. Not with Adria listening one thin motel wall away. "But they're in danger if you tell. Trust me on that." "Who is this-?" "It doesn't matter." "Deme...?" She faltered, in disbelief. "Deme? Is that you?" I squeezed my eyes shut. "Just do it. Please. It's their only chance. I don't care if Theo has a gun. It won't help, not against this. It will only make things harder. This is your only warning, for the love of God listen. You're the only one who can help. I trust you." "But, this is- I?" I hung up and blocked the number. - - - The following day we made the drive out to Ashwater. I rode backseat, arms wrapped around her waist. If I had to pick any aspect of our new life to love most, it was this. The very concept of a motorcycle was terror before immortality was in the equation, but this was a way to be close. I learned to love it: it was a way to hang onto her that felt organic. Nothing at all like the way she touched me now. It was a two-hour journey that breaked thirty minutes outside Ashwater. She'd nearly toppled the bike when she jumped off. I held it in place, as she hit up a gas station. She pulled two cans from the saddlebags, and kicked the machine until it caved. It spilled gasoline over her fingers in exchange for a crumpled twenty. "What's this?" "Preparation." I lifted the glass of my helmet. "Preparation?" "Buné says I can't commit without burning some bridges." "Literally, huh." Not necessarily a novel concept in our lives. "Sort of like the hideout?" Her head whipped to me- indignant, before letting it go. Cyrus was never on the discussion table. Any proximity to the subject was too close, but whatever was on her mind disarmed the usual backlash. It gave me a little hope that this is what he meant. Lord knows I'd be more than happy to burn down an elementary school if it meant I was wrong. “Help.” “On it.” Together we straddled four full tanks on the bike. But instead of the compound, our first stop was her old police building. Their town never needed more than two people. It was no surprise when there were no cruisers out front. Cameras were new but our faces were shielded by a thick plate of black plexiglass of our helmets. They wouldn't know how to explain what they saw if they saw it. Demetri and Adria were gunned down at the corner of Lancaster and Franklin. They had a monument in their honor, maybe some ghost stories, but they have been dead for years. Dave, too. She doused the front. She sprayed their unfunded equipment with gasoline.. We watched it burn from the tool shop across the street. Kitschy knick-knacks aside, tourism didn't change the town integrally. Ashwater was asleep by ten. The fire alarm blared, but no one was around for miles. Assistance in arson was no small sacrifice but it’d been gutted of Adria from the inside out. I wondered if she realized the irony of this- burning away a past she supposedly didn't remember. “Why does Buné care about the police station?” I asked, as the front buckled. Electrical equipment I helped fund popped, shooting sparks into the flames. She crossed her arms, staring into the flames. Her expession, unreadable. Adria was never a mystery when it came to her face- I was reading too much into it. There was just nothing there. “It’s not why he cares. It’s why I care.” “You care?” “Not anymore. Come on,” She said, kicking back into gear. “Next stop.” When we moved out to Modena, we didn't leave anything behind. I wondered if she remembered her house on the edge of the property. In her false timeline, it was never hers. She hit the road as a delinquent. In reality it was probably repurposed since her move. Perhaps sold, or given to Celia when she graduated. I wasn't volunteering its existence, and she seemed to ride past it without incident. My gut rolled as we pulled up to her parent's place, though. I was right- even though I was hoping we'd detour. I'd love to burn Cyrus' shit a second time, spit on his memory. I would be just as ecstatic as she was- But she stopped out front, kicking the stand, and parked. No cars lingered in the driveway. There was the daunting possibility Melina's van was in the garage but I needed, needed, to believe Margie worked her magic. "Stop, no." I followed at her heels. My charade broke after she marched up to it in grim determination. "This isn't necessary." "'Isn't necessary'?" She jerked the gas can at the house. Three years ago we enjoyed pie and coffee on the stairs. We listened to Celia's poetry where the gasoline splattered the wood. She was spitefully through, going as far as to break a window for further access. "Those people never cared." "Then why does it matter?" I arced around her as a bodyguard of the front door. "Fuck them. Fuck them all, let's just go. You think he’ll double check a small town in the middle of nowhere? " Tension was heightening. Something snapped. She pitched the empty gas can at the porch, breaking the glass inches from my face. I flinched "SEE? This is what I'm talking about!" She stabbed a finger into my ribs, knocking me back. "This bullshit is why I couldn't get promoted! It's you! It's fucking you! You haven't learned since Mark!" "Me? You said it wasn't-" "Yes, you! You and your stupid, insane sentimentality! This fake life you’re holding onto!" "How is it- NO" She struck a match. I snatched the end in my palm, snuffing it. "Don't." She slapped my hand, grabbed my arm. Bending it in a way it didn’t belong, she slammed me against the door. "What's your hold up, huh?! Spill it.” She threatened. “Give it up. I don’t give a shit about any of this- why do you!" I squirmed. How do I explain? It’s the one thing that’ll bring her back. It’s the last enduring piece of her life that’ll exorcise this monster she’s become. "They cared.” I kept my hands up, placating. "I know you don't want to hear it but they did. J-just go inside. Once. I can see it from the mantle-" I'd burn my whole arm if I had to, I'd throw myself into the fire to spare it. "You'll see the pictures- you don't even go that far ! The halls are covered, Adria. Covered. They have a shrine for you. Remember the school play-? Tree number four? That's how I knew about it." "I DON’T CARE what you think you know! That isn't a thing! It's not a fucking thing, Demetrius!" God, just look to to your left. In the window, where she was smiling. She was missing teeth in a family portrait from the 90's. “LOOK-” "No." Her grip loosened. She lit another, holding it outside of my range. Her nails narrowly clipping it together. "Y-you don't even have to!" My voice cracked. In a spark of courage, I pried her claws and jumped past her. I grabbed the knob. It was locked but that barely can be considered an obstacle compared to the Hell we'd been through. I'd break a window. I'd throw my shoulder out, I'd bust the door in. I'd rob their house, dragging every knickknack onto the lawn like a fucking yard sale to get one memory out of her. Her unhappy childhood wasn't real if there was photos of her playing the recorder at six. She wasn't dead if I could prove she tripped across the stage at her high school graduation, and she wasn't a thug if Melina had clippings framed every time she made the paper thereafter, a hero in their smalltown. "I'll find them for y-" "Don't even think it," she said, icy. "You don't have to come! I'll show you. Buné doesn't have to know-" "NO," She wrenched me inches from her face. "Walking through that door means you're attached to a fucking lie. Are you?" She shook me when I didn't respond. "Are you?! Are you wasting my time?" "No!" "She's dead. You said you understood that so prove it. Prove it, Demetrius." But why are you ignoring the truth? Aren’t you even curious? Don’t you want to see? The look in her eyes said it didn’t even matter. My fingers twitched on the handle. I knew I didn't care if she lit the building with me inside if it meant I had proof. A piece of our past. Hers was a family of love, encouragement, and support that created the most perfect being I knew, but this Adria didn't understand that. Her eyes were heartless and black through the tinted glass. She didn't care if anyone was inside. She didn't check. She’d be just as quick to dismiss cold hard proof as planted evidence of my delusions. Either that, or that Adria was never something she wanted to go back to. I swallowed and let go. My arm dropped to my side. "So." I said, numb. “What's the plan?" She knocked me aside. I stumbled to the other side of the porch. "We get rid of it. Just like the police station." "Great." I said, hollow. "Not so fast." She jammed a tank in my chest. I looked down at it. The acrid scent burned my eyes, even through the helmet. "What?" "This is a test for you." "I don't understand-" "You care a lot more than I do. Clearly." She started at me, cold and hard. I was one wrong answer from failing. “...Fine.” Without taking the time to acknowledge what I was doing, I shook the gasoline over the house. Thinking about it meant I’d see my Adria smiling back. In her uniform, at attention from the living room. My heart twisted. I dropped the light. It went up in minutes. Heat buffeted my face when I lifted my helmet. I hoped physics of some sort would spare the pictures in the frames, maybe a magnet on the fridge but in truth I wasn't looking at them right now. I staggered back to where she was sitting in the dirt. Legs crossed, she watched it burn. We answered everything with fire. It wasn't a stretch to want something out of this. The optimist, opportunist in me says it can't be a waste. I needed something. Anything. Anything that reassured me I didn't sever my own past in the process. I needed to know I wasn't throwing away all physical evidence. Everything that could bring her back. Her memories took shape in the stupidest things. Like a touch at the theater or stupid joke in the car. I pleaded for her to see something . But she watched on with no emotion. No bitterness, no remorse- Nothing. Perfectly blank. Perfectly alien. Her head tilted as we smelled the rubber dripping of Damon and Elyse's bikes, leaning against the side. I breathed in the ash of her destroyed home. I buried my head in my arms. shutting my eyes tight. There was numerous moves I could make here. So many callbacks to the formative flames that made us who we were- 'Fancy meeting you here.' 'Just like that?' Just any time we won. How we reacted with humor, conquest, and of course. Fire. But this wasn't the same. We stayed. We sat there until the roof crashed into the lawn. "Did you wanna know what I saw?" she said, after I'd gone quiet for too long. The smoke in the air was turning to a different scent. Chemical. I imagined this meant the kitchen was up in flames. with it, all of the kid's art, and Melina's recipes. "Yes," I answered, muted. She had removed her helmet. Her green eyes reflected the fire monstrously, until they adopted a brownish tint. Her braid- dark, but not black, fell across her back. Messy, but in the way I remembered it. My heart skipped- the first real thing i felt in a solid hour. "It was a small one." She said. "The first time you held my hand." I picked my head up from the grass, confused. That was not the set-up I used. I brought up her promotion. Usually prying was hopeless. She didn't delve deep into these things, as they were never her life, but I had to try. "Tell me about it." I said, quiet She watched the burning building, hugging her knees. For not remembering her old life, she sure was mimicking it. She looked softer as she tried to recall. But too soft- it was forced. "It was easy.” She said. “I just remember how easy it felt. Carefree." The first time I held her hand I was on a lot of morphine. We both survived a grievous monster attack. Carefree was a funny way to put it. I stayed quiet, before I noticed she wasn’t going to go on. "At...the hospital?" "Yes," she said, too keen. "At the hospital. And what happened after. What she said to you then." My eyes slid to hers, suspicion clawing. She must've known how hard it was to look at her. How much this felt like a continuum of her sick trial. "...The first time she accepted a date, to Jo's? Once we were both patched up?" "Yes." My breath hollowed within my chest. "Yeah." I said, dead. "We always were saying how she had the best coffee in town, didn't we?" "Yup." I buried my face in my hands and laid on the ground, wishing I could sink into the dirt. It took salt in the wound to realize this isn't who I was. I wasn't a man who lived in the past. There was always something new and exciting ahead. I thrived in the moment, and I planned five paces ahead, but this is where I've been months. Disjointed. A fraction of my former self, whittled down into core needs brought out of my by Adria. I am not who I should be and this wasn't who she should be. I needed to go. I needed to cut the dead weight and leave. Today was the last straw- that sick joke was it- She's not there anymore. She was gone. My Adria, the one who always knew what to do, my loving, compassionate, spitfire Adria- would be as disgusted by this monster as I am. And the monster I've become, chasing it. This house was a pyre. A testament to the last chance l had. Adria died in Mark’s basement but I was the one who took every last trace and cremated it. But if there was nothing left for me down here, why was I here? I was doing more harm than good. I could have left her memory in peace. I could have treasured that golden smile, those fond memories, and the way she got high of danger- not sadistically drunk off it. I could have mourned, at left her be in her prime. Instead, those memories were being replaced. They were overwrit by violence. How many times could I watch this Adria cave in a head, before I forget how she'd kiss mine? How many times can I watch her lose her temper, felling the world into destruction behind her before I forgot how she'd cry at pound commercials? How many times can I watch her callously disregard the innocent, before I started to forget how she'd stop at nothing to save them all? At what point is there nothing left of Adria, and I am just as complacent in her murder? The answer should have been never but it was already starting. I aided in the apocalypse. I accepted her deal. I torched her parent's house. I didn't know if she knew what I was thinking or if it was some twisted reward for playing by her rules but she leaned into my shoulder. Her lips were parted, enough to feel the heat of the threat without the intention. I looked to her mouth. Fangs she forgot to hide pressed against the bottom, the pitch black shine reflecting the flame before she licked away the venom. I wasn't looking at my Adria's face. I was staring at a choice: what felt nice versus what was right. But what felt right and what felt right didn't co-exist outside of us. It was learned- and she taught me that yet this year of living off scraps took it back. Without Adria I regressed to where I started: selfish man driven by whims. If I held onto nothing but the way she make me felt, I could have saved her. If I remembered how her embrace was rough, but tender I'd know this Adria was an imposter. If I had held onto nothing except the way she felt against me, I'd reject this monster that gripped me obsessively like a vice. But I didn't. In these long months I forgot it all. I couldn't bring myself to do without, because even a cheap imitation was something. And eventually- everything. I collapsed on the grass, dragged by her hold. She held me against her, rolling until her wings blocked out the firelight. Until the smell of Hell replaced the Melina's singed garden. Until the possessive traction of her lips made me forget I was kissing this demon on Adria's grave I was never going to leave.

[1358456]

Review Response, June 23-29, 2019

I totally forgot about this until right now. Whoops! My bad.

And also, starting with this post, each weekly review response will now show the updated graphs... charts (I keep saying graphs but they’re more charts...) of the stories that got the reviews.

Destiny #010

1) OH GOD. I KNEW IT. Y'S GOING TO DIE. THE WHOLE THING WITH X AND NOT THINKING OH HER AS "HIS GIRL" WAS A BUILD-UP OF SOME SORT. This will only cause X grief as it was one of the last things he said about Y before she died. Ohhhhh god. Poor Y, she tried so hard. I simply cannot imagine being attacked like that. And speaking of being attacked, Sapphire? Really has to get over her fear. I know its difficult love, but you're hindering the rest of your team! But anyways, going back to Y, the way she was dominating at first made me soooo happy. Finally! Proof that they can win! But nope. I still can't get over it. A death so soon... unless she miraculously survives. But tbh I can't see how.

Also nil I forgot Silver even existed for a moment there. When you mentioned him, I was completely take by surprise lmao. I don't blame you or anything, it's really hard to focus on a lot of dexholders in one chapter. But I was surprised to find that none were mentioned at the end, the it hit me that of course they weren't. They've got their own battles (problems) to deal with. Those shiny pokemon aren't going to disappear by themselves. Although I hope and pray that they do. But I am really interested as to how this battle will end. Will the dexholders prevail? Will they be defeated? Or will they retreat with their tails in between their legs? So many questions. And there can be so many answers. I'm hoping that they will win, but I just don't think that is likely tho. They've practiced yes, but it's probably not enough. They need years of practice before they can get to his level.

Also I forgot to mention, but I started sweating when I realized that Emerald still had his Mega bracelet thing I forgot what it's called. I was like "Ho boiiiiii." One could easily predict that he would be targeted first. Or at least second only to Y. But I feel like Peter is definitely using the Salamence to his advantage. I mean who wouldn't? That's one dexholder down.

Speaking of Sapphire, I absolutely love how you added in that bet between her and Gold. Like I said previously the balance of fun and not fun (?) is absolutely amazing. And I can only imagine a lot of people there probably face palmed. Which I get but like it's also a fabulous way to motivate someone (especially two competitive dexholders like them) to fight. But I doubt that that either of them will still have the heart to order around the other person after this battle. Well... then again this is Gold and Sapphire we're talking about. They are two people who might still do it. And it makes for a perfect opportunity for comedy later on. Nicely played.

I've decided to use paragraphs 'cause I tend to wander in my reviews, and it makes it easier to process. I'm sorry of this review isn't as good as the others. To be honest they only thing I feel I can say now, is about how good your writing is. But that gets tiring. And I'll make sure to shut up about Peter being so powerful later on. But I'll admit you're legit making me worried.

Anyways, thank you. Its been a pleasure like always.

I didn’t really think of that as a build-up. More like... “the f*ck, X?”. If I recall, I put that line in there because he says it in the XY arc, and it was incomprehensible... at the time. And yes. Poor heartbroken Y... :( And death so soon? This is chapter 10. It’s too soon*! And yes, Sapphire needs to get over the Salamence weakness... which she has in Destiny because this was before that scene in ORAS where Sapphire did not give a FUCK, since there was no time for such trivial things. Damn ORAS...

Silver? ... Oh yeah. That’s right. Heh. Not only are there a lot of Dex Holders in the mess, but there are those who I just do not give a damn about, who always wind up being forgotten as the focus of the chapter is elsewhere. Hehe. And the Dex Holders don’t need years of practice... they just need to embrace the game mechanics!! Hehe. ... What, is a Modest Rhyperior going to win against an Adamant one if it practiced? Heh.

The Salamence over-usage is not only because of how it cripples Sapphire, but also because the guy the Mega Hunter is based on generally always has a Salamence in his singles team. ... Usually with Choice Band and Moxie and Outrage. One-shot a guy, get Moxie boost. One-shot the next guy, get another Moxie boost. And one-shot the next guy. 3 Pokemon down in 3 turns. ... And then it usually hits itself in confusion and deals like 75% damage to itself.

Ah, the competitive rivalry between Gold and Sapphire! The one that’s hardly ever mentioned by anyone else... It’s fun, though. And all lighthearted. They always need to get the one-up on each other. Heh.

I do like the new paragraphs! It makes it easier for me to respond! I really do appreciate your reviews! :)

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Destiny #011

1) If shit wasn't already real, it is now. I honestly love the tension between Platinum and Sapphire, and it makes sense. They're the complete opposite of each other, one's quite literally wild, while the other is as refined as possible. It's only natural that they should clash. But I must admit, Platinum was being exceedingly rude. Like goddamn, you're fresh out of a battle, you need to find a new teammate and Sapphire is giving the perfect way in order to find her. Who cares if someone sees you with a girl sniffing. Stepping back was petty, though I'll also admit that Sapphire was being a but rude to Platinum when she told Platinum to just follow her. But it's simply Sapphire's way (as it is Platinum's), so I guess I can't complain too much. But I'm still rather peeved.

So, Peter thinks that the dexholders will get better, huh? That's new. Usually villains will boast and get cocky, and that usually leads to their downfall. Seems as if Peter is not going down that path. I found that a nice thing for you to add, because it only adds on to how clever this dude is. Like the little clues you leave for certain things, I'm not sure whether you write them on purpose, but some of them I notice and it only gladdens me.

In any case, I did not think Peter was going to manipulate Oak and Daisy. That actually quite surprised me, but in reality its a great way to gain information. After all, knowledge is power. And the more you know about your enemy, the more of an advantage you have. Meanwhile the dexholders don't know anything about him, only that that he wants to kill them for reasons? And some of the strategies he uses. Yikes indeed. Red voiced this perfectly in this chapter, with those questions of his. (And if I'm correct) I believe that this is another one of those "clues" I mentioned earlier. I believe Red might be the one to find out the answers to those questions, as he was the one to ask them. But that might just me looking too far into it. And I'm not exactly sure that that is a clue lmao. Ah well, a girl can come up with as big of theories as she so wishes.

Also, could it be possible that for a future strategy, they use Yellow for her healing? I mean, it seems practical. Their pokemon are not strong enough, and they drop one by one so easily. And while it seems rather cruel to constantly heal them only to fight again, that is reality. We do it all the time in the games and actually that brings me to another topic. The world of pokemon is wonky. We just capture these sort of "animals" and force them to fight for us? We might create bonds with them, but jeez these guys are just living their lives when bam! You come across them and then just capture them? And have them battle for you and constantly drain their health, only to do the process all over again. That is fucking cruel imo. I know certain trainers consider pokemon as companions and friends and whatnot, and that's all great and dandy, but like jeez. At least some pokemon come with you willingly and that's the best part. But whatever I'm getting off topic.

Again, personalities on point, writing smooth. Honestly I've never read something of your that felt jagged in a way. (Which is what really confused me when I accidentally skipped this chapter, and I was thrust into the future without an explanation of what happened at the end of the battle) Thank you.

I don’t think Platinum was being rude there at all. She doesn’t say anything, and from her perspective, it’s natural to be baffled at Sapphire. It’s like... you see someone sniffing at the air and the ground and the trees, and you just feel the urge to not be seen right next to that person. Stepping backwards was an unconscious decision, and hell, I’d do that too. And of course, Platinum hadn’t spent enough time with Sapphire to be used to it, or even appreciate her uniqueness. So for now, it’s an understandable natural reaction. And the cause of the Sapphire vs. Platinum minor feud that... I was going to push but abandoned because no one gave a f*ck.

One of the things I absolutely HATE about villains in anime/manga is their usual cockiness. If I had a dime every time some bad guy said something along the lines of “it’s over”... Well, it ain’t over ‘till it’s over. The Mega Hunter won’t be saying that it’s over when no one has died yet. And I left quite a few clues about him throughout the story. They become far more evident when Blue points them out later on.

Knowledge is power, indeed. Especially when it comes to Pokemon! ... And battles. 知彼知己 百戰不危 and all. And I think Red’s internal questions are a bit too blatant to be considered as clues. Hehe. But hey. That’s just a-

Using Yellow for healing? Oh, I do love how you consistently point out options that actually do happen shortly afterwards. It is, after all, the logical next step. And... ah, the morals of Pokemon. “Pokemon are not tools of war”... that’s because you’re not using them properly. HA! The Pokemon world ain’t looking too bright. Also factor in humans’ tendencies of eradication, and...

I did notice that you skipped this one, given the review order. But I respond in the chapter order, so this one comes first. As to how you NOT notice that you skipped a chapter... ...

2) I swear to god these reviews take me an hour to write lmaooo. I didn't even realize it took that long. Not like I'll stop but dam.

You don’t have to write such long reviews, if that helps you. I do enjoy reading your long reviews, but if it’s too much for you, you can shorten it!

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Destiny #012

1) I wouldn't be surprised if they were copying your work ngl. In fact, they'd be stupid not too. Its that good but anyways, I'm face palming myself now. Of course it was a pokemon. What else could it have been? Honestly, sometimes I'm amazed at my own stupidity. Just like I'm amazed at your writing this chapter! Y's, Platinum's, and Blue's insecurity felt all unique! Like, one could tell it was insecurity, but each felt it in a different way. Which I felt reflected in your writing (as I'm starting to realize most emotions of the characters do) which might've just been encase of their different situations, but I feel like it was more than that. Kudos to you, that's hard to accomplish. And speaking of insecurity, this Peter guy seems to really know how to manipulate it. 'Cause I know the pokemon was doing the brainwashing, but Peter was the one putting the ideas and thoughts into Blue's mind. But he wasn't forcing them, he was juts voicing some of the thoughts he assumed were going on in Blue's mind. Also speaking of Blue, we finally have a chapter in her point of view again! It was nice seeing her again, and making sure that she was okay. But um the whole "It's not my problem" is worrying me. I completely understand why she's at that point. But still, not how the Blue I know from the FRLG chapter would act. (I say FRLG 'cause I'm not sure whether or not that's how she would've acted in RGBY. I mean she's had her small arc)

Fucking bastard. I was hoping Blue would somehow turn him down, but I suppose my prediction was correct. He "tricked" her in a way. But I guess I can only hope now that Blue will snap out of it the moment she sees the dexholders and is assured that they are indeed her friends. Seeing as how we already know she is capable of at least breaking free of his grip for a few moments with only the help of her subconsciousness and thoughts. Break free, Blue! You got this!

Also, on the matter with Y. I am so surprised she survived. The was quite a beating in the last chapter. I mean, forcefully being held in the air against her will. With things like Hydro Canon shooting at her. Not to mention the branches and rocks that pummeled her. What a remarkable girl. Even is she had on her suit. Dam. And even still wishing to fight. Is this what it means to be a dexholder? I can hardly imagine. If I break a nail I feel like crying and I start hugging my teddy bear. Well no, I don't do that either. But you get the idea.

But speaking of the time when Blue will have to battle the others. I wonder how that will play out? I wonder what the reactions of the others will be. Especially the ones close to her like Silver, and Red and whatnot. I'm sure that very moment is when my heart will break and I will cry. I'm certainly looking forward to the fluff that will help heal those wounds of mine. But Green's guilt. That will certainly overwhelm me. More than I thought X's guilt over Y's supposed "death' would have. Also, I wonder who's perspective that will be in. Lately it's been a lot of Platinum and Y, but I think it would be great if that battle was in Green's or Blue's point of view. As they were the ones who had the "falling out" in their relationship. Nonetheless, I'm sure it will be quite enjoyable. I cannot wait to read it!

Lackspeed to my babies. Treat them well I beg of you. They deserve all the love in the world. But still I thank you.

The conspiracy! First ORAS copies SA’s Primal Groudon and Primal Kyogre, then XY copies... er... well, I can’t say right now I guess, since you’re not far enough in Destiny. Heh. And yes, of course it’s a Pokemon. Destiny literally begins in Terminus Cave in Kalos. And you do know what’s in that cave, right?

The insecurities of the different Dex Holders are the cause of their different personalities and their situations! Blue, the lonely girl who’s been drifting away from her friends and feeling utter isolation, would have insecurities about her friends. Platinum, the proud girl who have never known defeat previously would have insecurities about her own capabilities after losing multiple times to the same enemy. And what she says is what she would’ve read in a book too. 敗將有口無言, and all. And Y, the new girl, who has a lot to prove and a lot of catching up to do, will have her own insecurities after being absolutely obliterated.

Blue saying “it’s not my problem” is the result of her drifting away so much from her friends and feeling betrayed. In FRLG, it’s subtly revealed that Blue doesn’t remain in contact with anyone other than Silver (since Red and Green had no idea what she was doing in One Island, or what she had been doing), and so if that was to continue for years, and she lets her darker thoughts go rampant, she would end up quickly reverting to her old colder self.

And yep. “Tricked”. Rampancy in AI (which is what Blue’s rampancy is based on) doesn’t require something HUGE happening. It can all start with just a subtle suggestion. And now the struggle begins, between her rampant thoughts and her rational thoughts. Hehehe...

Yep. Y took a hell of a beating... again. And yet she’s still trying to fight. The resiliency of the Dex Holders! ... Also, the resiliency of those who are in the top 5 favorites! In order to be able to fight even after such a beating, you need to be in the top 5 of my favorites. Otherwise... hehe.

Oh, Blue’s upcoming fight against the Dex Holders... it will be quite the journey!

Treat them well, eh? Hmm...

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And so with that, Destiny’s chart is updated!

With the reviewed chapters in the red circle. ... Destiny still doesn’t show a trend, as it is ALL OVER THE PLACE.

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Legacy #007

1) Janecklyn from Specord here :P

Anyway, i really appreciated those "slice of life" chapters and some of the dex holders forming friendships with others outside their region! Makes the stakes higher and the mental problems more heavy.

Aww, jelly X, I have a feeling Jeremy is gonna be important to the plot.

Moon, you goofed up D:

One thing I like of your writing, is that you get the characterization pretty well, most of the time I can tell who's speaking for the lines alone. It tells me that like you love these characters 3

Intense and suspenseful chapter! Will wait for the update 3

Oh. I had no idea that you actually read Legacy. ... It happens if people just don’t review, since I have no other way to know if it’s being actually READ.

Gotta love those “slice of life” things, eh? It’s not always just chaos and catastrophe in the lives of the Dex Holders. Even if they’re always in the middle of one.

X is going to have to compete with Sky Trainer Jeremy! Hehe...

Moon had failed to properly heed Platinum’s warning, and had failed to react fast enough. Ouch.

Hehe. Thank you :) I do try to make each one sound as unique as I can, though some... just... can’t.

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With this one review, Legacy’s chart now looks like...

The red circle was the change, and so now it’s no longer a straight line barring the last chapter’s “anomaly”. Still, the trend is too clear. Legacy will not be getting an update until that dot in the red circle goes up by another 5. And it has the rest of 2019 to do so.

[kaaras-adaar-a]

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Salty Ask List

// I don’t mind if people ship it, since it’s technically canon if you don’t romance either of them, but I’m really not into Bull x Dorian. It’s not that I feel it’s an abusive ship like a lot of other people do (which is why they don’t like it), it’s actually because I don’t see Bull and Dorian being anything other than fun fuck buddies. Anything deeper just... doesn’t really connect to me?

I ADORE their relationships soooo much more when it’s the Inquisitor, and that’s not just because it’s the Quizzy and playable character, but because I feel they are so much more REWARDING as a whole, and realistic, as well as happy (even with Dorian’s sadder ending or Bull’s possible betrayal). 

I do enjoy their banter, but I also feel it’s forced. I don’t feel like they have a real and happy chemistry, I think they would (and do) make excellent fuck buddies, but I can’t ship them romantically because I just can’t see it feeling natural tbh.

I also don’t like Solas x Lavellan because Lavellan is made out to be such an angsty teenager in the whole romance that it makes them look pathetic. I LOVE the angst of it, I LOVE that Solas is a romance option and he fucks you over but his duty is more important than you, this has NOTHING against Solas at ALL (as much as I hate the egg, I LOVE HIM as a well written character too). It’s all to do with how Lavellan was portrayed and just how Twilighty it all felt. Kissing in the Fade was way too early for my liking as well, and that felt rushed, even if Solas does back off. A well done Solacemance over time and REALLY crippling is excellent, but the way they wrote Lavellan was just so... needy and pathetic and angsty. So that’s not so much the ship as a whole, it’s literally just Lavellan and how poorly it was portrayed. 

[alsklingwille]

thoughts on ‘shame’

im putting this under a read more because really it’s just a stupid rant that i needed to get off my chest and it ended up becoming way too long and probably doesnt even make sense but here

okay so i wanna talk about how US is a HUGE ass country with 325 MILLION people compared to norway’s population of 5 million, italy’s 60 million, france’s 67 million, and germany’s 82 million. This means there are many different types of americans, not to mention the US is literally supposed to stand to be a melting pot of different cultures and ethniticies. There are soooo many regional differences in our country, north vs south vs west vs midwest vs coast vs inland and all of these places have their own customs and traditions and many laws vary state by state, creating different behaviors all around. If you do not live in america, you very well don’t have an accurate understanding of our country. Hell, we dont even have a good understanding of different states, all we have to go off are stereotypes and the things that we hear about. And that’s the same way we see many other countries that we have never travelled to. This same rule applies for looking into our country if you live elsewhere; theres a very good chance you only have a glamorized made-for-television and internet version of it, despite how much you think you know us.

The real essence of skam is supposed to showcase realistic portrayals of teenagers in our generation and the struggles that they face in high school. We love OG Skam because even though there were aspects that were strictly Norwegian that we did not understand, there were definitely relatable moments and we fell in love with the characters that we saw ourselves in. All of the adaptations seem to be doing well in terms of including their country’s attitudes and beliefs into the main story line. However, all of these adaptations have native people behind them. We have Julie.

Julie has stated so many times that Skam is for Norwegians only, and the main reason she signed on to do Shame is to give us our own show. While I respect that, I hope you can understand the speculation many of us have about how she will be able to accurately portray us and give us the essence of Skam that we love so much while being Norwegian. Im hearing a lot of stuff about how shes been interviewing local Austin residents about their lives which is awesome and I’m really excited to see how that plays out - BUT keep in mind that Austin, Texas is not representative of our whole country. There really isn’t one place that is, that’s the annoying bit, but there are a few cities that are average enough, and I would have expected a setting like Chicago or Atlanta. Now, I don’t know what kind of show Julie is trying to make. I dont know if she’s trying to represent the entire country or just the Texas or Southern area, but the rumors I’m hearing so far got me thinking it’s gonna turn out to be more like the second. So keep that in mind while you watch Shame cause uh horseback riding??? doesn’t happen everywhere. There’s some states that don’t even have enough grass for people to ride bikes in.

If Shame is going to have the same effect as Skam, showcasing the realities of the struggles that american teenagers go through, it needs to include more than what was addressed in Skam. All of those struggles (relationship issues, trying to fit in, bullying, eating disorders, pressures of sex, homophobia, mental illness, islamophobia) are things that we go through but we have other issues on top of those that are just as important. Our economy is shit, it is so fucking hard to get an education, and just as difficult- if not more- to get a job with that education. We are always politically divided and there’s hate everywhere you look. High schoolers have to worry about money at such a young age because they know they’re about to face crippling student debt in order to get a decent paying job or else they’ll be stuck making a minimum wage that isn’t even enough to live on. They have to see their parents working 2-3 jobs just to make ends meet, colleges are becoming harder and harder to get into and they continue to face the pressure to keep their grades up in hard ass AP classes while doing a billion different extra curriculars to help them stand out against other students. And there’s no way they even have time to have a proper childhood or social life when they’re stressed to the max cause they don’t even have time to sleep. I never ever see American high school shows talk about these things - what I do see is “how to get him to like me and not her” or “pregnant at 16″ or “prom’s coming up how am i going to do my promposal” and other bullshit like that. 

It’s so easy to make fun of our dumbass policies and the fact that a lot of you guys have free education and a leader who’s not a fucking airhead cheeto, but it’s literally our reality and we face the consequences for it and it is so DAMN difficult to get policies changed to make our lives easier because of the people in our government. I’ve been harboring these feelings toward shame for quite some time now, but I felt like posting today, March 24th, 2018, because right now there are millions of people walking the streets to fight for their right to live and not be shot to death during a regular school day in a regular school where they should always feel safe. 

Life in high school sucks for US teenagers, especially right now. Shame is gonna either be a hit or a miss, a hit because it will actually accurately portray what its really like, or a miss because it’ll give us yet another unrealisitic tv show that we really REALLY don’t want. I understand all the entertainment bit, no one wants to watch a show that only talks about sad stuff the whole time, but I really do hope she incorporates these issues in their lives somehow and actually talks about it. Cause at the end of the day, no matter how many interviews she does, she is a Norwegian adult making a show about American teenagers! Now, I’ll still be tuning in to see how it turns out, and I’m hoping for the best, because I truly do miss Skam and I’m excited for new content from Julie, but fuck if i wont be hella skeptical about it.

[irregulardiaryposts]

16:35 01/03/2021

so. its now march!!!!! march is an okay month. but it also means its been a year since corona really kicked off and thats proper weird to think about. it feels like absolutely fuck all has actually changed but yet im a very different person yk. i played minecraft for 10 hrs last week. im addicted to it. this time last year i was kinda sick and we thought i had corona but since testing wasnt really available i just had to stay home ages. it was horrible but to think that was a whole YEAR ago is absolutely fucking wild. 

anyway back to minecraft. i absolutely love it. its such a simple game and you can truly play however you want to. like. if u dont want to bother beating the enderdragon or doing any serious grind stuff, you can literally just fuck about doing whatever you wanna do... u wanna build a little cottage in the woods? yes. u wanna pick lowers and decorate and build cute farms? yes. u wanna explore a vast and expansive world filled with literally endless possibilities and find pets and loot and different biomes and blocks? yes. you wanna mess around with ur friends? yes. u wanna do pvp or multiplayer games? yes. u wanna meet new people? yes. u wanna play by yourself and become exceedingly rich? yes. u wanna do all this and comforted by the melodic tunes and beautiful landscapes? yesssssssss. it literally has something for everyone but people get so pissy about how others play its soooo annoying. like so what if someone wants to go into creative and cheat or they wanna play on peaceful or they have keep inventory on? they are playing the game in the way they enjoy the most, the way that makes them happiest, makes them comforted, allows then to enjoy playing it. coz i bet if everyone was made to play the exact same way and there was no way to customise your experience, it would not be nearly as popular as it is. it probs wouldve died out if people werent enjoying it because they got frustrated by it, or too scared to lose their things to progress in the game, or too anxious to play because its scary and they dont know how to beat things. or if people play solely in creative and they enjoy that the most and wanna try survival, they dont deserve to get made fun of coz they want to ease their way into harder things. or if someone just wants to build or just explore or just tame a million dogs, as long as they are happy they are already enjoying the game to the max, they dont deserve people being like “ if u play without X youll enjoy it more coz thats the way we play it” like fuck off it would be like if a hardcore players was like “play in hardcore or ur stupid” ppl would get mad because thats not the way they want to play it and they wouldnt enjoy it as much or at all as the hardcore player does. and dont even get me started on this whole bedrock vs java bs. this its such a waste of time like??? who benefit from this argument? because its silly java players think they are automatically better than every bedrock player because they have java. 

like obviouslyyyyyy java is better and im sure a lot of bedrock players would rather java, but u cant lie and say that a lot of og players didnt start on bedrock and then upgrade to java, because as kids u cant really afford a proper pc but everyone has an xbox or an ipad lol. like they literally forget that they probably started playing on bedrock too. and its so stupid because yes while bedrock is a little shit in comparison to java, ITS STILL THE SAME FUCKING GAME just be glad were not fucking fortnite players jesus its pathetic. yes this is essentially a minecraft post and what fucking about it. i told u im obsessed with it. 

i should talk about something else. perhaps my crippling procrastination? its absolutely abysmal how shit at school i am now. i get two unconditional offers and suddenly i think i dont need to do a single bit of work (its kinda true tho) i only have three classes and in doing 1 and 1/2 of them. im not even bothering studying for prelims/exams whatever the fuck because im hopeless. theres no point because even if i do end up doing the exam and i fail theres absolutely no consequences because i have 0 shame. ill walk out of an exam i failed with my head held high because i know uni will be so much better - ill only have one subject, one i actually enjoy and want to do work for (only somewhat tho, my procrastination problems still carry through, im actually doing this instead of a 15 min thing for class but whatever) ill have a reduced working day, i can focus on just one subject, ill have other things to work on too like a part time (scary) and car (exciting) and ill get to meet new people that also want to learn spanish and are interested in it too, and i want to make more friends and i want to be more independent (moving out??? hopefully but also scary) 

i cant believe im actually at a point in my life where im actually interested in the future and want to live to see it (lol yeah) like i wonder what 13 yo me would think. even 15 yo me. i wonder how 20 yo me will look back on this. hi me if ur reading. do u have a s/o?? or new friends? how many new experiences have u had? are u comfortable in ur life? struggling ? happy? i hope ur happy coz u deserve to be. i deserve to be. i hope u have a good time reading these. i dont know if ill ever forget about this blog or not. what was i talking about tho. procrastination. its horrible, I hope u get that fixed pls tell me u do. also please tell me u get better at typing.  this has accidently turned into a speaking to ur future self thing. ill stop now. 

im a very good procrastinator. and my ability to actually focus on stuff has been getting comical. idk if its the pandemics fault or mine or schools but is a bloody issue and it needs to get better. i guess its coz i just have absolutely 0 energy do do what i need to or it just absolutely does not interest me to do it and i know theres absolutely no consequences to it looool. 

every now and then theres a day where i feel very unproductive and lazy and it feels like how it used to. a sort of growing annoyance at myself and feeling like a slug. idk some days i feel teleported back to like almost 4 years ago and idk what to do about it. i used to have a coping mechanism (?) where if i felt bad about stuff id just shower, wash my hair and put on new pjs and do something i wanted to do. it kinda put me in a clearer headspace and allowed be to get out of a slump for like 20 mins. u could call it self care or whatever but it genuinely was like washing the bad thoughts away and starting anew (is that the word) like i was able to think more rationally and get back into the semi real world but i was also doing it because i never used to have a proper shower routine, i used to go days without showering or getting out of bed for much and it kinda feels good to have this little reboot thing where i just shower to get me away from straying back there. 

idk. am i articulating well enough. ive written a lot i think. is there any more updates? nothing really apart from my growing disinterest in all things school lmao. anyway until next time i suppose (will probs be either never or like june lol)

[spookstown]

GET TO KNOW ME TAG

Got tagged by @turtlehyung - thanksss fellow jisung lover, u cool *insert the sunglass emoji here”  oh and sorry I’m super late to this (rip) 

(also I never get tagged to anything anyway sooo this is truly something lol)

RULE NUMBER ONE ; BOLD THE STATEMENTS THAT ARE TRUE

APPEARANCE

I am taller than 5′7″ (lmao I wish, I’m like barely 5′2 I think) I wear glasses (only for aesthetics at times) I have at least one tattoo (at this point I have 4 and more to comeee) I have at least one piercing (at least I pretend so lol) I have blonde hair  I have brown eyes I have short hair (pretty short even tho I need a trim) My abs are at least somewhat defined (you mean fat rolls right?) I have or have had braces 

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people (yes but I’m terrified to lol, come through all them anxieties) People tell me that I’m funny (always *insert winky face here lol ew no bye) Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me (forever and always mate) I enjoy physical challenges (depends......... define “physical”) I enjoy mental challenges (again, depends..... does my crippling mental health like it?) I’m playfully rude with people I know well (I swear people who witness it from outside pov think I’m an asshole lol) I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it (literally all you can imagine)

ABILITY:

I can sing well (again, I pretend so) I can play an instrument (used to know how to play guitar but I haven’t played in years so probs I’d suck at it) I can do over 30 pushups without stopping (good joke my friend but hell no) I’m a fast runner (even better joke tbh) I can draw well (guess so lol) have a good memory (on certain things, especially if it’s super nice - then yes... if it’s the worst thing ever - then DEFINITELY I’ll remember till the day I die) I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling (I think???) I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (I guess I do, if I’d just ever bother.... the taste is never guaranteed tho) I know how to throw a proper punch (never tried, but maybe... I probably have a lot of old anger issues building up inside of me soooo..... lol jk but you never know until you try am I right homies)

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports (I mean I like basketball but still nah, not too much tbh) I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week (more like nearly everyday as all I do is listen to music) I work out at least once a week (does getting out of bed count?) I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month (yes duh) FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION (yes but no... most of them scare me tbh, also being a “hardcore fan” in a fandom just brings back war flashbacks from the HCR days omg no) I do or have done martial arts                                                                    

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss (guess it counts lol) I have had alcohol (future alcoholic? probably) I have scored the winning goal in a sports game  I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting  I have been at an overnight event  I have been in a taxi (and every time I regret it afterwards cause taxi drivers creep me out) I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year (with my sis but she was the one who was hurt so guess that doesn’t count) I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favourite band’s concerts 

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship (now THIS is the greatest joke of all time) I have a crush on a celebrity (I always do) I have a crush on someone I know (had and it was fucking awful, never again) I have been in at least 3 relationships (that would mean I’ve been even in one relationship which is a nopE lol) I have never been in a relationship (L O L) I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them (glad I never did, especially to the last person I liked cause fuck her tbh) I get crushes easily (yep, that’s me) I have had a crush on someone for over a year (yes and again, fuck her) I have been in a relationship for at least a year  I have had feelings for a friend (............................still fuck her, I regret it all and it was so not worth it, neither was she)

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school (what school lol aDuLtInG iS fUn!!1!! nope pls help me) My parents are still together I have at least one sibling (the greatest sister in the world) I live in the United States (and I’m glad I don’t lol) There is snow right now where I live (might be in a few weeks tho cause finland is fUN lol nope) I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced  I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (been bopping to JUST U by Jeong Sewoon all day bc it’s a bop) I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today  I know what I want to do with my life (if only mate, if only..... like I got the degree but idk do I want to do those kinds of work) I speak at least 2 languages  I have made a new friend in the past year

idk who to tag cause I’m terrible so I’m sorry.... but if anyone wants to do this, then feel free to do so thx bye

xo