#Bit of a vent

[nobodywasneverhere]

i hate being disabled and queer at a time like this.

i sit during the day watching my phone, seeing news. i see my every right getting stripped away, i watch through text on my screen as people get dehoused, arrested, forced to starvation by a system i want to go out and fight, but, of course, i can't.

my muscles would give out from the stress, i would endure pain for a week afterward which would bind me to my bed. i am resigned to talking to people who already agree with me and sending out small messages to the void of the internet on platforms which continue to contribute to the destruction of my personhood in the eyes of a fascist government; what good does it do? i'm still stuck in bed, nobody and nothing has changed.

i can't vote, i can't hide myself from it, i'm lucky enough to be in a place with such people that if truly necessary, i could move to another country - but my friends would still be here, most of my family would still be here, here in the place that wants me dead, that wants to force me into the lowest caste of a system meant for extracting capital instead of providing healthcare, protecting rights, making sure i can live.

and what can i do? i can hope that someone else cares enough to do something about it, but the chances that they would? that enough people would? that enough people could even understand what i go through on a daily basis? i truly don't like pessimism but it seems unavoidable with something like this.

i would make art to show people my visceral experience, release it to fly on fragile wings into the world, make sounds and sketch lines, write and dance and be wholly a person but my neck aches even with writing this, my wrists feel that they have been crushed, and my back threatens to give out while laying on a bed.

i am being demoted to something less than human in the eyes of a horrifying amount of people in the country which promised would give me safety. i am a political problem in courtrooms, i am a pity story whispered between my teachers, i am a cautionary tale to nazis online that say i am a conniving predator and a poor confused child that only thinks they want to put their great gendered body through mutilation, i am words from a strict authority about perseverance to kids who they find annoying, i am anything but a person.

i am kid, a fucking angry and scared kid. i am a person and deserve to be treated as one.

i will scream and fight until the memory of being at peace has long since faded and until i find myself living in that memory again. even if it's just online. even if it's just anonymous text on a screen.

but still the question gnaws through the flesh of my thoughts - what good does it do when we can barely do anything?

[akiiame-blog]

I'm sorry for the scare in my last post 🫂 I'm feeling a little better now, and I really appreciate everyone's comments and support. I always appreciate them..❤️

It'll take some time, but I really want to start improving myself asap. Never considered the possibility of me having depression until fairly recently. Seems kinda obvious looking back that I've had this feeling for a long time now.

[grimsterreaper]

Me when uh, the uh when-

Any yall got severe anxiety and emetophobia? Lovely combination IT FEELS GREAT😀

[snaggletoothedbastard]

sometimes i wonder if i'm being harsh when i say cis people are weird and then i remember that my (now very ex) best friend genuinely seemed to think i could just therapy my way out of being trans

[potnia-mousika]

[socksenjoyer]

in a fandom (mcyt) where a lot of the joy comes from seeing different perspectives and finding new people with new styles to enjoy a LOT of you are far too proud to admit you only watch white cis guys with over 1 mil subscribers. Like yes you have transfem grian headcanons but at the end of the day will you actually put the effort in to support smaller trans, queer & poc creators or will you let some of the most interesting and funny people on the internet fade into obscurity. just watch artimator for fuck's sake

[agnoll]

i'm so sad about what my uni did to my enjoyment of reading for so many years even after i dropped out. i read so much before uni but then i got there and there was just so much required reading i didn't enjoy and i didn't have the bandwidth to just read for fun since i was reading all these things i understood were to teach me to think critically but i was ultimately uninterested in, and then i was left with that lingering feeling that reading was too much of a chore to actually be enjoyable, and here i am years later having fallen back in love with reading but i can't help but imagine how different things could have gone had i not lost the joy of reading

[ann1e-on-earth]

Yesterday sucked

First, one of my “popular” (asshole) classmates went up to my friend and whispered “Why are you even friends with Annie she’s so weird..” and proceeded to talk shit about me to her, saying things like “why is she trying so hard to be funny and stuff” and “she was gone for a month she’s so suspicious”. My friend defended me but still it sucks I guess.

Then I found out my crush (the friend) had a girlfriend when I was in 5th period and I literally felt so awful, I went into the bathroom and cried for like 10 minutes and when I came back the teacher yelled at me for not “paying attention”.

And then I started to feel sick to my stomach so I went to the office to call my mom to pick me up but she wouldn’t pick up the phone, so I called my dad and he wouldn’t pick up either, so I got sent back to class even though I couldn’t walk because of how dizzy and sick I felt.

Then when I finally started feeling better, I had to go to last period (which is like wellness class or smth) and we were meant to write about our rights as human beings and I left the classroom to get water and when I came back somebody had scribbled out “the right to not give consent/say no” on my paper which was really annoying and creepy, also my classmates were being racist towards people from India for some reason and they started saying slurs to the TEACHER who did nothing wrong like he was literally just standing there organizing papers and whatever.

THEN I went to my locker to get my backpack to go home and fix my hair and whatever and my crush came over to me (his locker is next to mine) and I turned to him and was like “so, when did you get a girlfriend?” And he was like “Who told you that????” And I said “Just heard it.” And my friends came over and he looked over at them and said “Did you tell her????” And they were like “tell her what??” And then I was like “whatever.” And locked my locker and went to the bathroom because I didn’t want to wait for my bus with my friend because it’d be awkward, so I just sat on the bathroom floor in a stall for 20 minutes just scrolling on YouTube shorts until my bus got there, and I got on the bus and my friend sat next to me and it was so awkward we barely talked

When I got home I asked my mom why she didn’t pick up and it was because she supposedly didn’t get the call. I don’t really care, it wasn’t her fault, but in the moment I was still upset so I just grabbed some bread and when upstairs to my room and called my friends for like 5 hours and tried to vent to them but all they said was “oh idrk how to comfort people..” and then talked about our classmates.

I’m exhausted

[coffee-dere]

Uuuu praise me!!! Don't you know how hard I work for your attention?!! >:( (Edit: Nbh btw aa!!!)

[piinktearxs]

i just want to be able to look at someone when i’m scared by something and be soothed that they looked back, like in a silent way of asking them “what’s going on?” and then responding “everything’s all right”

[bluerhapsodist]

The Superweapon Myth, or Why Maybe Building a Death Star Isn't About Defense

(this was originally posted on the Community "Analyzing Star Wars Politics and Philosophy")

Security takes priority. Public safety and order becomes paramount. To that end, few measures are off the table for governments and leaders.

When the Separatist crisis escalates into open war, the Galactic Senate approves emergency powers for the Supreme Chancellor, who forms a Grand Army of the Republic from thousands of ready-to-serve clone troopers, with Jedi Knights and Masters stepping in as their commanders on the battlefield. Decades later, under the Galactic Empire, the Senate is dissolved, and supreme political power is given to regional governors and Grand Moffs.

At the same time, the Death Star is unveiled, a battle station with the capacity to destroy an entire planet in one superlaser blast. It is considered the ultimate deterrent against the growing Rebellion and the greatest weapon in the Empire’s arsenal. No star system would dare oppose the Emperor after the battle station is unleashed upon the galaxy.

But every superficial justification of militarization and the creation of superweapons fails to grasp the deeper motive at work: the rule of others through fear.

The point of the Clone Wars is not to defend the Republic, but to wipe out the Jedi Knights with their own clone troopers and ensure Palpatine has the political support to declare himself Emperor. He can shut down the enemy’s battle droids with a single command and order the deaths of their leaders once his private agenda has been fulfilled. Having broken the galaxy with fear and desperation, Palpatine can transform the Republic into the Empire overnight, even appearing to be a hero while doing so.

But the technology that delivered his victory was never built to serve the common good. It was to spread fear and aggression to cover his own rise to power.

The same thinking applies to the Death Star and all the resources and slave labor that went into its construction. The Imperial Senate was maintained only for the illusion of political legitimacy; with the superweapon completed, the legislature could be dissolved by the Emperor’s decree. Some might claim that the Death Star is the heart of order and security aross the Empire, but its role is designed for psychological warfare. Alderaan was nonviolent in its resistance to Palpatine, and it backed the Rebel Alliance in secret. Its destruction was not a strategic decison, but a political one: a warning to the galaxy that resistance was futile and no mercy would be shown to treason or dissent.

Of course, the flaw of the Death Star was twofold. First, an attack by the Rebel Alliance could pinpoint a weak spot in its defenses and eliminate the entire battle station in the single shot of a proton torpedo. Second, the fear and obedience that the Death Star was meant to compel only served to fan the flames of armed resistance, especially by providing a large enough symbol that the Rebellion could eliminate.

By the same token, the Clone Wars that had delivered Palpatine his absolute power over the galaxy had another flaw that the conflict raised: the need to demonstrate unchecked military power failed to compel public terror and obedience. Wiping out the Jedi Knights turned them into a symbol of hope among the early Rebel cells. Relying on the Grand Army of the Republic meant securing the postwar galaxy with Imperial stormtroopers and Star Destroyers, which gave the masses a clear sign of their own oppression.

To paraphrase what Leia Organa told Governor Tarkin, the more the Empire tightened its grip, the more star systems chafed against its rule and worked to defy it.

Addendum for NJO readers: Some believe that the Empire’s military might and superweapons were necessary to respond to the coming Yuuzhan Vong invasion. Again, the flaw in this line of thought is twofold. First, the Yuuzhan Vong are fanatical warriors with their own means of wiping out whole planets, so they could match the Empire in both numbers and firepower, negating any deterrence by its superweapons. Second, for all its proclaimed superiority, the Empire itself did not prevail against the Rebel Alliance, even after constructing the second Death Star and amassing a large fleet at Endor. The Yuuzhan Vong War eventually ended with the death of the Supreme Overlord and the fracturing of the occupiers with a Jedi-inspired resistance, neither of which required the use of a battle station like the Death Star or a species-targeted bioweapon like Omega Red. The Rebel Alliance’s destruction of both Death Stars was not an ill-conceived blow against the only hope for galactic security, as the Empire’s rule did not create a sense of stability outside its own propaganda.

[ashenmind]

I’m listening

the argument is just… really dumb

[quicklights-void-in-space]

remember that one time we got made fun of for using the Autism and ADHD flag in a school art project (we were ment to put in photos that represented us)

yeaaahhhh……..

is it bad that I still kinda miss them?

[galaxymagitech]

I have a strange number of issues centered around Peter Wiggin from Ender’s Game.

I was watching the movie (what was up with those casting decisions??) with my family over Thanksgiving Break, and the eldest of my brothers commented on how they made Peter much less scary. And I agreed. He gave off violent jerk vibes, not terrifying psychopath vibes.

My brother then commented that he was scared of Peter as a kid because he thought Peter could kill him. And I was just like…I was scared of Peter as a kid because I was terrified of being him. We are not the same.

My mom compared Peter to him and repeatedly implied I was a psychopath. She genuinely believed I was cold-heartedly manipulating her, and to this day I’m still not sure why. Sometimes I would just go blank and stop feeling and everything felt cold but also not really there, and I was terrified that was me being a psychopath. Hasn’t happened in a while thankfully, but at the time I was kind of grateful for it even though it terrified me, because it made it easier for me to concede in arguments and get apologies over with. I also struggled to express my emotions (autism, yay), and often they felt flat or transparent.

And when I did express my emotions, it was somehow a supposed attempt at manipulation. Like, obviously I was crying because I wanted my mother to feel bad for her Completely Reasonable Accusations, not because I felt upset or hurt. A child expressing their emotions? NAH. Must be psychopathy.

Anyway, for me, Peter is basically synonymous with this mess. And one of my greatest fears—the thing I’d see on Fear Gas or whatever, is being him.

[postapocalypticorpheus]

Bleeding today

Pulling from deep within the bone-

And weary is this foggy head,

Light ensuring gloom.

I try to rot calmly-

No dwelling, no anger.

But tears still puddle pitifully

With frustration scratching up

This throat scarred over-

Swallowing bitterness,

How must I forever deal with this-

May that be 10 years or 50.

So tried this day,

So longing and distant eyed.

But Earth still turns

Steady that she is,

And reminds me of my purpose.

To inhale,

To exhale,

To take it by each moment.

May that be joy

Or hazy aching limbs

Rushed quickness

Or quiet atonement-

Not for sin surely,

But for this distance from body-

Mind must come home then.

Excuse this foggy poem,

Word I’ve used but twice-

I am a pained little poet

Who simply wants to write-

And I cling to that ability

Though my eyes strain through this aura.

World turns round

And words don’t write themselves,

guess this is how I must go on then.

Rambling words and peace with some hurt

With all thanks for this home

Who moves forever in cycle-

Worn but maybe contented-

Oww I feel, and yet proud of presence-

No longer disappearing

Somehow grateful to feel it.

[koopageneral]

Hey guys quick word of advice, dont watch ii 17 and then walk into the woods while listening to liminal music, you WILL have a crisis and not think anything is real :D

I know from experience…

Edit: this is my anti-dissociation stick :3