#But this is an interaction that happens nonetheless. Important stuff

[therantingsage]

"....look, I know you don't believe me. But they want to meet you officially?" You say.

Loop's eyes crinkle in some kind of skepticism. "Do they, now?"

You nod.

A half-laugh, fake-sounding. "And what would that entail, exactly?"

You frown a little. "Well. I mean, they can control my body? So they can talk for me? Say hi?"

You hear Mira enthusiastically volunteer, which you expected to be honest. She was probably the best one of them for Loop to meet first. She was polite and non-threatening in most circumstances.

Loop looks you over. "Honestly. I don't really see the point. I don't really need to meet any of them, it's not like they matter to this situation." But they raise their hands in surrender, anyway. "But if it gets you to drop this, I'll humor you, Stardust. Send them in, or whatever!"

The more time that passes, the more frustrated you get with their continued disregard and disdain for your family. It hurts. It hurt before they hitched a ride in your brain, and it surely hurts more now, that they're all here to hear them say it.

Nonetheless, you pass the reigns to Mira.

It feels so weird, every time they do this. You have to fight the impulse to take back control of your limbs, because muscle memory and common sense dictate that your limbs moving on their own was not a good thing in the slightest. But the more you let them do it, the more used to the sensation you become. The easier it becomes to just....let go.

And still. When your mouth opens, your voice but her diction, it still feels alien. "Hello!" She greets. "I'm Mirabelle, but you...kn-know that already. Or maybe you don't, they didn't tell you who was coming out to greet you. I, I wanted to thank you, for being there for Siffrin when we weren't. We were so scared when we learned what he was going through. If he'd been alone....I-I don't even want to think about it."

She extends your hand towards them, and you feel your mouth curve up in a smile. "So it's very nice to meet you! We'd be honored to get to know you as well as they do!"

Loop's eyes dart, between your face and your outstretched hand, but they don't move a muscle. They don't move for a long, long while, even. Completely silent, and stone-faced.

And then they steeple their hands, something dark in their expression. Darker than you'd ever seen on them, really. "I've changed my mind, Stardust! I have absolutely no interest in continuing to play this game with you!"

Mira speaks for you again. "I-it's not a game, we're really here-"

"Really, stop being deluded, Stardust! I mean it! I'm not going to keep encouraging this behavior in you! I've already done it enough, clearly!" Their eyes widen a little. Too wide.

On reflex you steal back control of your body, shoving Mira back into the back. Something about Loop's expression frightens you. Something in it like mania, or a hysterical smile. You aren't sure how you can even tell without a mouth to judge. You just...can.

"Loop-"

"I'm only going to say this one more time, alright? So commit it to memory, since you've clearly got enough space in that head of yours to fabricate four whole other personalities~"

Like every other helpful tip message they give, the words superimpose themselves into your mind. You feel your family flinch from the sheer volume of them.

[Every time you talk to me about the family in your head, I will not give you any aid for the rest of that loop! I'm not getting paid for this, so I'd appreciate you taking my time seriously!]

You

breathe in.

You breathe out. "Fine. I understand." You stand from the root, and walk away without another word.

Loop huffs. You ignore them.

You've got four other people helping you figure this out, anyway.

[poppysunderthestars]

➷ heartless ii ➷

“tryna be a better man”

⟡ fuckboy!ani and fem!reader

⟡ warning: kissing, +18 content, unprotected p in v (wrap it before y'all tap it!), degradation, sexual tension, blue balls(lmao), cum mention (if i'm missing any, please let me know!) minors do not interact!

⟡ summary; after the terrace horror show in your panties with anakin, you give it a go with him, i mean like a fuck and go ... maybe you're fuckboy's ani turning point or the one that could change him?

⟡ word count; 3,6k

author's notice: omg i can't actually believe it took me almost a year to drop part 2! hate uni anyways. i was debating whether on the ending to. should i give y'all a part 3? i think this is longer than pt.1. hahah enjoy!!

you can read pt. i here -> heartless pt. i

‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.‧₊˚ ⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

he was dying for a taste. your taste, your tasty, flavorful, and sweet insides. he had imagined before what you’d taste like. what kind of texture your fluid would spill into. and he had so certainly pictured your love box being filled to the top of his hot seed. he was so dirty for that, but he didn’t even fucking care.

he was so needy for you, he was thrilled for your touch on his goosebumpy skin, only you could cause something like that on him. that neediness went from non-existent to “on the verge of passing out”, he wanted all and he was going to get it. 

a few days since that moment on the terrace with anakin full of sexual tension had passed. right after that, he went straight to his chambers to “cool off” being the nicest words for “pumping his hard juicy cock until oblivion”. 

he outright spent a few hours edging himself on his fist, thinking it was you doing him so wrong. your name was thrown from his mouth several times while his heat was rising. his loving whimpering increased while the speed of his dick increased. he had NEVER been so vocal, yet there he was moaning and delicately whispering “pl-please, do-don’t- don’t stop-op” his breath was short but he was almost certain that you were jumping on his lap making him feel so good.

he was embarrassed that a woman like you could make him so weak even by you not being close to him. something he had never felt before. his body went through heat waves when he thought of you in front of him. 

today, he was so confident he was going to take you to heaven with his mouth. everything was pointing towards success tonight in his chambers. he was loving the attention the female jedi´s were giving him in the library during study sessions.

everyone else was studying, reading, or driving intellectual conversations. however, mr. skywalker was taking kisses, handsy touches, and one not-very-obvious blow to his dick under the table. you did see that when no one else did. you were jealous but at the same time so desperate to choke him, how could he be so promiscuous in a temple of learning? 

he was disrespectful and egoistic by thinking he would not pay for his actions.

to some point, you did admire his ability to not give a fuck about shit. but it was time to make him regret everything.

after the library, you went back directly to your master. nonetheless, he was nowhere to be seen. he was still out on an important mission. you shrugged and returned to your chambers, where a holographic call from your master was already waiting.

he told you not to worry, he would be back in a few weeks and that for the time being you’d to report to master obi-wan kenobi.

oh, no. what the actual fuck. no.

that was not happening. but it did and there was nothing to make it different. so you pretended this little temporary action did not affect you. 

the rest of the night, you had one of your closest padawan guy friends hang out with you in your room. you talked about life, friends, jedi stuff. you’d hooked up before, he was your go-to guy for late-night calls. he had already tasted, devoured, felt, smelled, licked, and traced every millimeter of your douce skin. he was not the first or the last man to ever make you feel in paradise, rising through the thin air as you came riding his dick.

that night, things went as planned for you and him. anakin on the other hand, was not happy at all about your sentiments and your desires for someone who was not him. it was either him or no one. it had to be that way. he hated feeling that way, needing you in all your glory in every way. why you?  why not another girl?

there were far prettier girls in the temple, but he did not want them at all, not even close to how he was deprived of you, starved, and addicted to your entirety. your presence was magnetic, and the way you smiled after training, dropping sweat from your hair, licking the salty lips that he’d wished were all over him.

no one was made for him like you. recently you’d found yourself knowing that, he knew that and that tension in the terrace proved you both right. 

it was early morning now, a time when all that reigned over the temple was silence and sweet calm. your padawan guy friend had left your chambers some hours ago and for some reason, an obvious and indisputable one, you could not conceive sleep.

you’re killing me, fucking anakin skywalker.

that was what you wanted to do then, get yourself fucked by no other than soon-to-be knight anakin. it was a feeling you couldn’t run from, it was there from dusk till dawn, and from dawn till dusk. 

that night, you paced from one side of your room to the other, you anxiously moved your feet while lying down trying to fall asleep. it was such excitement and neediness, that you got up, took a quick shower, put some makeup on, and got out. you were getting some tonight with anakin and you couldn’t wait.

quietly you tipped toed around the white noised hallways, controlling your breath to not seem so excited and imagining what it would feel like to be already in skywalker’s embrace.

by the time you arrived at his door, your heart was racing so fast it felt like it was about to jump out of your chest and explode into a million pieces at his sight. no one has ever made you feel that way and you noticed that. you guessed anakin had felt that too on the terrace cause you felt him feel the same way about you. it was time to redeem all those lost years gone through the drain by giving the best night of his life to anakin.

before you could even reach the door to knock it, it suddenly opened, revealing a shirtless and tiresome anakin on the other side. he lacked sleep and he couldn’t formulate complete thoughts other than taking you right there in the door frame up against the cold metal.

he needed it so badly, all night he was desperate for touch, especially yours. and it seemed it was finally time for his hands to travel up and down your body. that was what he did, not hesitating for a moment, he threw himself onto you causing you to gasp in surprise. the door closed, leading you to cover yourselves into the darkness of his room, the only light being the soft illumination from the early morning coruscant.

he wrapped you with his arms looking down to you in awe. his mind was running all around and he couldn’t seem to concentrate, his heart was also racing and his breath was starting to become irregular. becoming one, delicately he took your chin and raised it up to match both visages. 

“last time we were alone, i was completely fine. yet these days without you and your presence have become one of my darkest thoughts, i fear”

his lips were perfectly moisturized and his fingertips traced your cheek. 

who could’ve thought mr. fuck-it-all had romance in him? 

when did he turn into this ball of pure neediness for you?

“you, anakin. have been present every night in my thoughts”

then, he felt proud. you felt the same way as him, pride was gone and you both needed to take each other so high you couldn’t come down.

“you know, i’ve tried hard stopping feeling these things for you. but i can’t. i’m enveloped”

oh well, you were too. 

and with that he closed the space between you and him, letting your breaths become one. lips colliding as his hands posed on your neck and subsequently letting him access the area under your ear.

“i’m tryna be a better man, but i’m fucking heartless”

and passion flowed from the connection formed. made you feel powerless the way he attacked your lips. 

“i will break your heart” he said, restraining himself from devouring you. “i will break you”

“nobody can break what’s already broken” your voice softly murmured onto his lips letting him caress the back of your head and grabbing your neck in a need of possessing you.

without mercy, he grabbed your head and with the other hand he bound his arm to your waist attaching you to him even closer. practically his member protruding your already soaked panties. grinding at the sign of your breath wanting more each time.

still with his hand in your head, almost taking a grip of your lower soft locks, his other hand ripped off your garments in a desperate attempt to make you feel impotent and unskillful. 

he kind of did achieve that, you were losing your mind over that touch. you were reminded you were there to make him feel like a total pathetic loser like he made you feel days ago in the terrace, not the other way around.

the thing is… you wanted him to be hurt, so impatient and needy only you could ease his throbbing dick pain.

after releasing from your clothing and his too. he admired in compass with his hands the brassier that held your pompous glistening breasts. his hands were without a doubt a complete mess, not even knowing where to start. after praising your bosoms, he liberated them with one hand from the white ladies’ wear.

oh, how did he spent so much time without his hand all over your soft bust. he internally begged to be allowed to pump himself in between your tits desiring to cream all over your chest. he could not wait any longer. his tip already bathed in clear sweet cum.

one of your hands rested easily on his cheek, caressing it with so much dedication. the other  guided anakin’s rough hand to your white cotton panties, a grinning smile garnishing his tanned face after realizing he had drenched his fingers with the wetness of your underwear.

you impose the infallible doe eyes to make him even more lustful for you, totally working wonders to any man. your hand left his in order to travel to his hard cock that was wishing to break free from his underpants. you pressed it softly earning from him a mellow whimper from his mouth.

“no man has ever touched me like that”  he raised a brow and approached you once again to drop all your clothing leaving you in complete nakedness.

“no one has ever made me feel like you have and you haven’t even been inside of me, you enchant me” was he going to believe all that? you kind of believe it yourself. perhaps that was why you were saying it. 

he took your hand and guided your little body to the bed. you took the liberty of smoothly pushing him and colocating yourself on top of his painful hard on. his thighs jelly like suffering from the silky touch were so impatient that he quickly took off the last piece of clothing on him and oppressed himself against your tiny seeping hole. 

you felt the sticky situation happening between both of your fully uncovered au naturel bits, it  felt so unreal, being on top of that whore of a man. the man was hot, there was no denying it. all you were excited about was starting to bounce. oh, was he on serious trouble.

you were going to give him the most unsustainable, burning and torturing minutes of his life by teasing him. your hips began rolling with a constant unstoppable rhythm, it felt so good having him agonizing, you could wait a little longer, no need to rush.

anakin panted and his tight problem become even more of a problem with no apparent solution. he was delirious, how could a woman like that make him feel so pathetic?

you could either let him suffer or giving him the pleasure of having control over you. 

fuck him, he deserved it. 

“bear it with fucking pride, baby” you said, licking the velvety surface of his nipples. 

you couldn’t have guessed how much time passed however it was starting to getting off your nerves. you wanted him pumping you but not as much as he wanted you.

how could a man be this pathetic? fool…

without previous announcement, you traced the tip of his member teasingly inserting it into your folds. hissing by the size of his dick, he au contraire warmed up by your insides whimpering in between a kiss.

how hypnotizing, you were starting to become surrounded by the grace of pleasure. 

“t-take all of me-e, doll” and so you did, you pushed him inside diligently. his veiny cock penetrated your gummy walls allowing you to stretch like you’ve never before.

after inserting himself fully, he prepared to move, feeling heavenly with each thrust. starting slow became faster and harder. melting at the friction his lower abdomen had to your hooded clit. your swollen hole became creamier and redder allowing you to enjoy the roughness of his movements.

“you feel amazing, ani” you felt great, but anakin felt even better and calling him that made him feel on the verge of seeing stars. but he contained. he would not let your first time together end so quickly because he was so horny. 

he was consumed by lust in its glory. all splattered across the bed for you. you rode him with impatience searching for your climax.

anakin was fucking pussy drunk. who would’ve thought. 

all he needed was your tight little drenched pussy. all made and delivered in a gold plate to him.

it was like his cock was carved according to your insides. perfectly fitting with every vain hitting the right spots. no dick had ever covered all of your walls like that. it was perfect for you.

“you make me feel so good, darling” he paced even faster, not allowing you to even breath. he had to put his effort with his hips but you were after all the one that had control over him, dominating his thighs and his big member.

without previous notice, he got his back up. resting it against the cold headboard. he wanted to see your tits flying on another perspective. 

his lips delivered a message to your breasts, biting softly and squeezing them together. his moans were muffled by his mouth attacking your chest, yours on the other hand were not discreet nor quiet.

all there was left was increasing volume and floppier thrusts when you felt closer to your high.

so you took it farther from him. you bit his ear and whispered.

“if you could see yourself right now”

did he listen to anything? not a single little thing. it was ecstasy to him and he was on another dimension all fucked up.

you pushed him even farther from your spongy spot abusing your poor cunt. finally caving in, your walls feeling the necessity to contract on his long dick.

you saw nothing but a static vision of pleasure, felt the expansion of electricity all over your body and your skin convulsed. the aftermath was very easy. it all came back to you. anakin was nothing but a jerk (who fucks good) however under no circumstance you would let him cum much less to irrigate himself inside of you.

you stopped yourself. finally breathing fully. he furrowed his brows and internally questioned your retrieval. he started feeling used, whose body was nothing but a sex toy available for her pleasure. she felt powerful leading him on like that. he did not deserve cumming. 

the emasculation of anakin skywalker was a first, he’d never been left with blue balls and he kinda started to understand that maybe his whole bitchy bad guy attitude was the reason why. 

nonetheless, this little joke on him made him realize no one had ever put him back in his place. literally all girls were thirsty and craving a fun night with him no matter the consequence, yet you were the one to make him feel like no one. like he was indeed the jerkiest of them all.

 he scoffed and looked up and down at you.  you had definitely left him speechless. as soon as you got up and started dressing up again, he became desperate. for you and of course for an answer to the situation he just couldn’t comprehend.

“well that was very fun, skywalker” you finally put on your belt and threw your hands to your hair to fix it up a little. yet anakin remained covered up in his mattress, panning and before you turned around to walk to the entrance, he grabbed you by the wrist. 

his grip was tight unlike how he grabbed your waist just minutes before, his eyes darkened and he finally spoke with a tad of clarity.

“fuck you, you made me think you were in the same shit with me the other day and now you pull this?” a typical ani, angry boy could never talk with soft expressions. your eyes redirected themselves to his bronzed and toned abdominal, his v line was making you drip inside, you’d wish that was your sight every morning. that was not the anakin you knew.

“well, wasn’t this a one time thing?” you innocently pouted your mouth. manipulating was the deal now, somehow you were trying to make him forever yours. would that even work?

he grunted and took you by the waist surrounding his arm on you and pulling you closer. 

“did i say that?” his visage made him look a bit mad but you assume it was just the fact you left him on the verge of spilling his seed. 

“i don’t fuck around, at least not with you” his lips pushed themselves together. ohh, his patience was easing. he was not going to put up with this.

“you know what? i don’t fucking need you, you whore” his grip on your body felt debilitating. you still need it. you couldn’t afford to lose him and not like this. “i could have any other bitch”

his gaze looked to the other side of the room, giving you a sort of a cold acknowledgement. 

“yeah, you wish” you instinctively got closer to him. “you’ll always know you have cum in all of the girls around here but, me. i think that oughta sting, or am i wrong?”

his face tightened and so did his grip. his arms became more stiff and his eyes slowly met yours.

“someday, you’ll regret it, honey” he breathed out. “you’d know you missed out on something great”

you powerfully smiled and talked to his ear. “it’s an all or nothing with me, ani” 

he scoffed again and his expression meant ridicule. his attitude was ridiculous but you had to let him know. he wasn’t going to be getting it on with you and having it all so freely. you had some dignity and you’d had to preserve it for the most. 

“so you’re saying i either date you and fuck all i want with you or i don’t and don’t fuck with you at all?” he emphasized these lasts words. 

“oh my ani, i never pegged you for smarty pants. just thought you were a drop-your-pants kinda guy” you let out a small laugh and turn your right cheek to your shoulder. girl was sassy and we knew it all along. 

“haha” he gave out a fake laughter and dropped his hands from your body and grabbed the sheets to his waist, providing him a more covered look (did it help? not at all) he still looked yummy. his forehead was still full of droplets of salty sweat and his chest glistened with most beautiful bliss. 

the silence reigned now over the room, air conditioning working was all you both could hear and the occasional steps outside in the hall. you really couldn’t feel uncomfortable at all, it was just confusing. 

“you know i don’t date” you turned around giving up, but that was not your plan yet.

“never told you i wanted to date you” your hands met your face and because your face was not in his sight you didn’t know how he was reacting, that felt scary. “i think if i wanted to date someone i could have someone way better than you, don’t you think?” 

“i mean, someone compromising, dedicated, strong and with a gorgeous mane” 

ding again, you had just loosened up his pretentious ego.

lovely how you can just fuck him up so easily

“am i not all that? or what’s wrong with me?” 

his face dropped and while that happened you smirked. oh how were tables turned now.

“now i got to be leaving, it’s getting late”

his glance started weakening and you felt stronger than ever.

“what should i do now?”

you turned your head and with your somber eyes you reprised.

“find someone to fix you, right? trying to be a better man? not much of a heartless man now, ani?”

with not much left to say, your hand reached the button to open the door, and passing through the threshold, he dropped.

“stay the night?” 

your hand grabbed the door frame, stopping for a moment.

hot jedi from tatooine, my ass

and without thinking it much, your body deserved way more. 

the door closed behind you and walking peacefully, your mind felt clearer. post-nut clarity was very useful. 

guess, i’m the heartless one after all…

[mins-fins]

orbit of yours !

"power couple, really?" "you have to listen to me!"

synopsis: park jisung has always admired you. hardworking, effortlessly beautiful, talented, humble— you're pretty much the personification of the word 'perfect' (you would disagree though), but your relationship has never gotten past "admirers that occasionally exchange words", so jisung has vanquished the idea of possibly being in love with you because of your lack of interactions, he's just an avid admirer of yours! so when a few accidents and mishaps force (more like drive) the two of you to be in the same room more than you ever had in the past, the idea doesn't just remain a random fantasy crafted by jisung's mind, it becomes reality.

pairing: park jisung x male!reader

genre: high school au, acquaintances to friends to lovers, photographer!reader x soccer player!jisung, fluff, kinda comedy (im not funny), mutual pining, literally no angst, fast burn lowkey, sungchan helps reader realize his feelings and it's hilarious

warnings: swearing, mentions of burnout, oblivious bitches deny their feelings for a good 10k words, this is fucking cheesy, the nightmare which is senior year

word count: 12.2k

notes: GOOD LORD IT IS FINALLY DONE! i don't wanna be overdramatic or anything but this is genuinely one of my most favorite works ever, if you couldn't tell i am VERY jisung biased and im so happy to finally be done with this because it's honestly been so fun to write 🙁 i didn't beat the xiaojun fic in terms of words but this the second longest fic i have ever written and for my jisung debut its impressive that there is absolutely NO ANGST here, i'm just very proud of myself for this and i hope people like reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.. this is for all the park jisung lovers 👍

"WHEN WILL YOU ACTUALLY GET A PARTNER?" chenle asks the question so many times that jisung assumes the sentence has been programmed into his brain. what is it— like the 3rd time this week? he thinks chenle might be more obsessed with his love life than he is with actual important things, like college, graduation preparations, his role as a member of the student council, anything but jisung's uneventful love life, because that was probably the least interesting thing going on in his own life at the moment. "come on jisungie! i heard aejung has a crush on you!" he lets out a familiar groan, giving his friends a 'cut it out' look. "i don't really care about that kind of stuff.."

he hears all the frustrated sighs from his friends, and jisung just chuckles. he knows about the many surprisingly many— people who find themselves attracted to him. he acknowledges the fact that he has a lot of admirers, that a lot of people would perceive themselves as lucky to be in a relationship with him, he isn't new to the idea at all, he doesn't really get what makes him so attractive, such an eyeopener to his fellow students, but he mostly accepts the gifts given to him by his so called "admirers" nonetheless, not wanting to make them disappointed.

now, he says mostly because there are just times where he has no choice but to turn them down. some people get into their own heads too much, and he doesn't want to give some of them false hopes by accepting their gifts. that happened once, where a girl thought the two of them were dating because he decided to accept her gift as a sign of appreciation, that's when jisung learned that he couldn't just accept any and all gifts given to him by admirers who so greatly wanted a chance with him. jisung isn't so concerned about gifts, he wants a person who will be psychically and emotionally present for him, not someone who'll just buy him random things.

"it's gotten a little annoying.. all the confessions" jisung mutters, closing the textbook he had been jotting in. "they're nice yeah but some people just take it too far" he finally finishes, earning some confused looks from his friends. he just shrugs, shoving the textbook he had previously been jotting in into his backpack.

"but you're just so boring!" chenle whines, pressing his cheek against jisung's shoulder. jisung doesn't even try shaking him off, knowing that any of his attempts will be useless. "come on! all these people who would love to be with you and your still a lonely little loser!"

"loser? oh come on!"

"you know i'm right!"

jisung scoffs, lightly shoving chenle. while yeah, it's nice to have a lot of people admire him, everyone expects him to do this and that and act a certain way. it's like they enjoy perpetuating a false image onto him rather than actually admiring him for who he really is, and jisung doesn't think he should give people like that the time of day, they piss him off more than anything.

he's a little lost in his thought when a familiar voice sounds in his ears, a couple of giggles following the sound. "you're too funny y/n!" one of them shouted, poking a familiar figure in the shoulder, and jisung's eyes fall on you immediately, as if on instinct. you were looking as you always did, a familiar dslr camera hanging from your neck, that polite smile on your face as your friend continues poking your shoulder.

lately, you'd been quite the topic of interest among your fellow schoolmates. now that's not abnormal at all, you somehow always manage to be the talk of the town in school, you could do the smallest thing and somehow people could still make huge talk about it.

jisung would never say it, not out loud or even in mutters to himself, but he's always held a unique admiration for you, one he doesn't think he could actually put into words. there's something about you that pulls jisung in, like your a magnet and he's an oblivious piece of metal, slowly getting closer and closer to you without being able to do anything about it.

everything about you is beautiful. your eyes are a beautiful brown color, your smile is a beautiful stretch that shows off your perfect white teeth, your hair is a beautiful mix of raven and brunette. oh, and your voice is so beautiful too, it's so soft, gentle, but also deep.

you're like an angel.

at least to jisung you are.

it's pretty funny, actually, your so wrapped up in your own things that you barely notice the sheer amount of people who want to date you. you don't acknowledge romantic advances a lot, and even when you do, it always ends in rejection. you talk a lot, and your words are always pure and witty, your laughter is natural, your smile is contagious.

but.. jisung doesn't like you. he only likes you in the friend kinda way, he just wants to be friends with you. you look nice! smell nice, dress nice, speak nice..

jisung knows a lot more about you than his friends do. despite the fact that the two of you have never officially deemed yourselves "friends", he's always known little facts about you, as you him. the two of you have been going to school together for seven years, so the idea of not knowing anything about each other seems ridiculous.

you're a photographer, your favorite color is blue, specifically lighter shades, your favorite subject is history, your lucky number is 2 because of your birthdate being 02/02/02, your favorite flowers are daisies, you don't really enjoy sports, but if you were to choose one to play, it'd be baseball, and you want to go to college for journalism.

but jisung can't say that he likes you, because even if you two know all these things about each other, you've never considered yourselves "friends", all you do is admire from afar—

and when you do interact, it's just short and sweet sentences exchanged between you two, mostly because the both of you are so busy, that you can't afford to just stop and talk. sometimes, jisung wishes his life was just a little less hectic and he could stop and talk to you, because that's what he wants to do.

"what's with you?" jisung immediately yelps as chenle flicks his forehead, and he resists the urge to punch the older in the face. "gawking at y/n? really?"

"i'm not—" jisung hates that he feels his face burn. "i'm not gawking, i'm just.. i was just looking at him".

"looking at him with hearts in your eyes".

jisung scoffs at chenle's audacity, as if he wasn't doing exactly that a good few minutes ago. he would never admit it out loud before, so why should he admit it now? he'd never live it down if anybody ever found out..

"you know.." chenle begins, tapping his finger onto the desk in front of him. "you two would be a great couple" and the words are enough to make jisung roll his eyes once again. "a power couple!"

"power couple, really?" jisung raises an eyebrow, chenle never fails to say something that confuses him. he finds the words to be ridiculous, but his reaction just seems to make chenle even more giddy, because he continues;

"you have to listen to me!" chenle persists, and jisung is about to check out of the conversation completely.

"y/n is a photographer for sports journalism, you play soccer, you've known each for what.. ever? he's pretty, you clearly have the hots for him—"

"i do not!" jisung immediately yells in rebuttal, much louder than he wanted to. "yeah he's.. cute but anyone with eyes can see that, i'm not in love with him or anything".

chenle raises an eyebrow, suspicious, but jisung remains stubborn, crossing his arms as he averts his gaze from his best friend.

yes, you are cute, anybody with two functioning eyes can see that.

"i think park jisung might have a crush on you".

at the words, you look up from your camera, meeting eyes with your close friend, sungchan. you blink, as if dumbfounded, then snicker. "park jisung? are you trying to boost my ego or something?"

you know park jisung, you know about how probably half the students in this room dream of having a chance with him. so many people like park jisung, so many people want park jisung.

and if you think about it, you can't exactly blame them for that..

"don't laugh! i'm serious! he looked like he was about to devour you, did you see his eyes!?"

the words just get another laugh out of you, the words seem ridiculous in your eyes, because why would park jisung, beautiful, talented, striking park jisung have a crush on you? in your eyes, your pretty much nothing to him.

"okay.. why would park jisung ever be interested in me?" you ask, rearranging your camera as you raise an eyebrow at sungchan, who simply deadpans at you, that familiar 'are you serious?' look in his eyes.

"okay let me see, your smart, pretty, everyone likes you at this point, also— the two of you are pretty much perfect for each other! you'd be a power couple!"

you furrow your eyebrows, a power couple? you'd never heard that phrase used to talk about somebody your friends had been "shipping" you with, your not even sure if you can even consider yourself friends with jisung, because the two of you can never actually talk to each other without someone coming up and interrupting the interaction.

you'd love to just be able to talk to park jisung, just the two of you, one on one.

"power couple? that's funny.."

"you think everything is funny" ironically, you laugh at your friends words. "this could be like— your only chance at having an actual romantic connection with someone".

"i don't care that much about romance, chan" you muse, humming as you turn off your camera. your eyes wander over to jisung, who is very much distracted by something stupid chenle is saying, he's laughing about something, laughing hard too.

there is no reason for him to look so pretty as he laughs like a maniac..

he's cute, you say in your mind, he is absolutely adorable.

"WHAT DID YOU GUYS GET ON THAT STATISTICS TEST FOR SONG?" a boy from the same year and member of the soccer team along with jisung inquired. they sat on the bleachers in front of field, watching as the baton club practices. they have to practice this week, unfortunately, so jisung's schedule had become tight and packed, he barely had any free time these days, it was all exams, college tours, last minute extracurriculars, and practice, practice, practice. "i got a b plus" one of his classmates responds, the other responded; "i got a b on mine". jisung was very far removed from the current conversation, his eyes on a familiar trio of sports journalists on the other side of the field, a trio which included you, mesmerizing you. he sees you often these days, with that same dslr camera around your neck, a pretty smile stuck on your face.

"you, jisung! what score did you get?" one of his classmates asks, but jisung was occupied, so he didn't answer. a tap on his shoulder makes jisung snap out of his staring fit, and he blinks a few times, assessing where he is. "what?"

"we were asking about the marks on the recent statistics test!"

"ah" jisung presses his lips together. "i got an a plus" he says the words casually, but it causes for a cheer to be sounded by his fellow classmates, who shook him and slapped his back supportively.

"you're so smart jisungie!"

the praise from his classmates get a smile out of jisung, but he isn't focusing on that, his attention is on you. even with how your across the field, he can clearly see all of your features, the sun shining on your face makes you look majestic, like an actual angel, jisung isn't sure why he's even focusing so much on your face, but he can't focus on anything else, because his eyes just naturally always wander over to you.

"will this ever finish?" you inquire, pertaining to the baton club, who were still on the field even after they were supposed to get off. "i'm supposed to take photos of the soccer players for my editorials.." you mutter, it'd be horrible if you couldn't even deliver on the promise you made to your superiors.

"they're probably going to split the field" your fellow sports journalist, taehyun says. a small groan escapes your lips, you're annoyed, you hope this doesn't interfere with the photos you have to take, it'd be horrible if you just ended up doing the same thing all over again. "see? baton club is taking one side and the soccer team takes the main area because they need to start practicing now".

"they look so cute! i've always wanted to be apart of the soccer team!" lee sohee exclaims, and you turn towards him, a look of interest on your face. he attentively watches the boys, humming to the song that's playing. "why didn't you join them then?" you inquire, interest peaked.

sohee smiles at you, readjusting his camera and fixing his posture. "i enjoyed writing the editorial articles more" he shrugs. "wanted to try out but i missed the tryouts because eunseok hyung would have killed me if i missed anton's recital" at the words, you laugh, used to the behavior from the older boy.

"maybe next year".

"you'd fit in perfectly!" taehyun muses, and sohee brightens up, seemingly loving the words.

"really!? that's what seunghan tells me too!" he cheers at the words, looking proud of himself. "i'd look cute in that uniform though.."

you chuckle at sohee's word, finding him to be absolutely adorable. "yeah, you definitely would" you ruffle his hair, smiling at the giggle which sounds from the boy.

"i'm gonna go get a closer look at them" you say, motioning towards the soccer team. taehyun nods and watches as you get closer to the field, not super close, but close enough that your camera can capture a good view of the soccer team. you narrow your eyes, pointing your camera at the busy boys who are doing their usual routine, the viewfinder shows jisung in all his glory.

you take pictures, zooming in and out. you don't mean to put all the focus on jisung, he's just too alluring to not be the center of attention. he's such a natural, he's just so amazing, you can't not focus on him.

[click.]

and another shot, another one as jisung scores the goal. jisung's posture was perfect, his back straight, chin high as he wore an angelic smile. jisung hears the clicking of the camera, and looks to his left to see you, in the viewfinder you see jisung looking in your direction, you pause for a moment and notice a baton heading straight towards him.

"jisung watch out!" you yell, at the words, he tilts his head.

you quickly take the strap of the camera off your neck, throwing it until it landed right beside your fellow journalists, who looked as confused as jisung did. you ran as fast as you could, grabbing jisung's wrist and pulling him close to you.

the baton managed to hit the ground instead, and jisung shrieks as he loses his balance, toppling forward. he quickly grabs onto the closest thing to him.

you.

you lowered your arms to catch jisung, and you feel him hold onto the sleeves of your blazer, one of your arms on his stomach, the other on his waist. all his weight was in your arms, causing for you to lose balance too.

"shit—" you swear, falling onto your back. jisung fell on top of you, the grass tickling his skin. your back immediately hits the grass, and your head hits the ground softly, but your arms remain around jisung. jisung's hands were still on your arms, his upper body laid on top of yours, his head was buried into your shoulder, and he was sat in between your legs.

jisung takes a sharp breath, a look of worry quickly flashes in his eyes as he sees you. "holy shit y/n are you okay!?" jisung asks, pulling away from your prior position and you sit up, opening your eyes to meet his worried ones. jisung kneels, leaning closer to you as he cups your cheeks with his hands. "did you get hurt? is your head okay!?" he asks, or yells, turning your head to inspect for any signs of wounds. you just stare at him, his bangs that messily lay against his forehead, his eyes that glimmered under the sunlight, and his pink lips that you totally just want to lean over and touch with your own.

"yeah.." you whisper, your cheeks squished from the force of jisung's hands.

jisung stops turning your head and sighs. "are you sure?" he asks, still holding your face. you nod, placing one of your hands on jisung's, his are soft, yours are rough, you note. you move his hand and smile. "i'm alright don't worry" you respond, still holding jisung's hand. jisung pursues his lips, and he extends his hand out, pulling you up from the ground. you let go of his hand, dusting off your pants.

"jesus y/n" taehyun's voice sounds from behind you, and you finally glance away from jisung, eyes focused on your friend. "are you okay? your not injured are you?"

"i'm fine.." you mumble again, blinking as taehyun suddenly hands you your camera. ah, he'd picked it up for you. you take it, inspecting it to make sure it's not broken.

"is the camera okay?" jisung inquires, looking over your shoulder to stare at it.

luckily, it wasn't damaged because it had fallen on the soft grass. "it's still working" you respond, and the two boys beside you let out a sigh of relief, with taehyun placing a hand on his chest.

"jisung! come back here!" his coach quickly yells, jisung looks to you, then back to his teammates. "thanks, i owe you" he says before running back towards his group, fetching the soccer ball he'd left on the ground prior.

"wow your like a hero!" sohee exclaims, shaking your shoulder with a smile. you just let out a nervous laugh, scratching your arm. you give one last glance at jisung before you feel your face heat up excessively, so you quickly turn away, putting your camera back around your neck.

"we should go back in now" you say, you don't say any more words as you quickly make your way towards the doors. your friends blink, exchanging glances in confusion, but they quickly follow you back inside.

"y/n! wait up!"

jisung watches you three leave, feeling his heart racing against his chest.

what the hell just happened? he asks himself.

"jisung are you okay!?" a very familiar voice shrieks. jisung turns to meet his fellow teammate jooyeon, looking concerned as ever.

"i'm alright, thanks for asking" he answers, gaze lowering down to his nails, which he quickly starts picking.

"are you sure? you looked like you hit your head pretty hard" the younger boy, as always, just wants to make sure jisung isn't lying, he's genuine like that. he pokes jisung's forehead, as if he was inspecting him.

"seriously, i'm fine" jisung lowers his hand, giving him his default 'i'm okay' smile. "y/n cushioned the blow anyway.."

"you were so close to him!" jisung startles as keum donghyun comes out of nowhere. "how did it feel? was it like a dream come true?"

"i—" jisung is speechless, he closes his mouth and blinks a good seven times before even actually assessing the question.

how did it feel?

jisung doesn't know how to express it. he didn't want to think about it in that way because you'd just done such a good deed, you saved him from flying metal going straight towards his head, he shouldn't have been thinking about the lack of distance between you two, he shouldn't have been staring at your lips, and he shouldn't have been thinking about kissing you.

his face must be so unbearably red right now.

"don't ask that! it was just very abrupt.. also, i can't think of him like that! he saved me from a flying baton, i'm just grateful for him".

jooyeon hums in agreement, slapping donghyun's shoulder for him ever asking such a thing. "that's right, you should probably get him a token of appreciation or something".

jisung blinks, trying to imagine what he should ever gift you. he truly has no idea, he's not sure if he should go over and beyond, or just give you a little gift as to not intimidate you. "i can't really think of anything, i don't want to overwhelm him or something, he just wanted to do a nice thing.."

"i'm sure he'll be appreciative of anything!"

at the words, jisung just sighs, smiling.

what a hero, l/n y/n— you really are something, he thinks.

"yeah— i'll think about it".

"good! back to practice now!"

jisung doesn't think he will ever fully be able to focus on practice, though.

"YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BEEN RAN OVER BY A TRAIN" the words from the older boy, yang jeongin, snap you out of your polaroid staring daze. you flinch just the slightest, eyes peeling away from the scattering pictures which litter your desk. you rub your eyes, clearing your throat as you quickly gather all of the photos on your desk, hoping the eye bags present on your face weren't completely obvious. knowing jeongin though, they were definitely obvious. "thanks for the kind words" you respond sarcastically, a small eye roll accompanying your words. the older boy snickers, situating himself beside you, a teasing smile on his face. he props his legs up, blinking at you. "seriously though, you look like you haven't slept in years, are you alright?"

"i'm as alright as someone looking to pursue journalism can be.." you mutter back, placing the photos which were previously on your desk into your backup, a small sigh escapes your lips. "all of my applications are still pending.."

"seriously? i assume you would've been accepted into any of those schools by now!"

"you know how it all goes, they get hundreds— heck, thousands of applications every day, i just have to be patient".

jeongin raises an eyebrow, then just shrugs at you, humming. "there's no need to worry, y/n, you'll get into a good school".

you chuckle at his words, he totally read your mind when it came to that. "i'm not worried about anything" you lie; "i'll be okay, i know".

but do you?

your absolutely tired the whole entire day, you tried your best to focus in your classes, but you couldn't help your head slipping down and the way you almost slipped off to dreamland whilst your teachers were asking you very much audible questions.

"did you sleep last night?" sungchan asks you in the middle of your afternoon break, poking your arm as if to wake up. "you look like a zombie.."

"i slept a few.. hours?" your tone is very much a questioning one, as if you didn't even believe your own words. "i don't know, i was too busy fighting with lin, apparently i'm not good enough at what i do to consider journalism".

paired with the lack of response to your several applications, you weren't having the best week, it was all becoming just a little too much for you.

graduation is just too far away..

"anyway! did you choose the photos you'll put in the editorial yet?"

you think, for a while. you felt as if you had stared at so many polaroids by this point, that they're probably going to start appearing in your dreams, with the lack of sleep, constant flashing of cameras and just news news news, you've really had no time to focus on other things.

"i haven't even found time to think about the editorial" you whine, a weary sigh escaping your lips as you think about how pissed off your higher up is gonna be if you almost miss the deadline once again. "is the deadline coming up?"

"well— is four days a close deadline for you?"

you gasp, loudly, almost throwing your camera across the hallway. "four days!? four days until the deadline seriously!?"

you usually aren't like this. you are usually very calm, cool, and collected, but your week has been just the definition of a shit storm, and everything just seems getting worse and worse.

"hey, it's okay!" sungchan immediately replies, hoping to reassure you. he places a hand on your shoulder, a smile coming to his face. "it's not like this is anything new, it'll all be fine, you only have to choose two pictures anyway".

you sigh, rubbing your temples. "yeah" you breath. "it'll be fine, fine" you repeat, nodding your head as you relax yourself.

the hallway is crowded, not crowded crowded, but crowded enough that you couldn't help but begin counting the heads around you.

your eyes get stuck on a familiar figure across the hall.

park jisung, smiling and laughing with his friends. you get lost in a trance of admiring him, even though you can clearly hear sungchan talking to you. all your attention is immediately on him, and a small smile spreads across your face as you observe him, being himself.

there is absolutely no reason for him to be so breathtaking while just talking with his friend!

you are so distracted, and you don't mean to get stuck in this little reverie as you stare at the boy that you totally do not have a crush on.

he hasn't really left your mind, instead of just floating around in there like he'd been before that whole prior incident, now he occupies a whole subsection of your mind in recent days. you could be with your other friends, and all of a sudden your mind would wander off to jisung, or you could be in class and he just pops into your head.

you never thought you'd be one to get distracted easily, but you've clearly been proven wrong by just the alluring aura of park jisung.

you startle when jisung turns your way, making eye contact with you. he smiles upon noticing you, his eyes practically lighting up, and he waves at you. your a little taken aback, but jisung doesn't wait to see you wave back, just turning back towards his friend and continuing his previous conversation.

"what was that?"

"what was what?"

you quickly look over at sungchan, who had just witnessed that whole entire scene. he looks at you like you just grew a second head, and your face begins to burn as the realization dawns on you.

"you and park jisung!?"

your quick to try and sputter out a response, but you shake your head, face excessively heating up, it's probably red at this very moment. "there is nothing going on between us!"

"that doesn't seem like nothing!"

you realize how guilty you look right now. with your red face and constant insistence that there is absolutely nothing going on, those are traits the guiltiest of people display, and it all just makes you look even more guilty with how your face gets even more red.

(you must look like you're dying right now).

"it's just a friendly exchange!"

"not while your looking at him with hearts in your eyes!"

he was completely calling you out, and he was right. you were staring at jisung like he was an angel that had graced your presence, you stare at him like he's a saint and everyone else doesn't matter, as if he's the only person in the room. "i— i wasn't! i was just zoned out and he just waved at me to say hi!"

sungchan narrows his eyes suspiciously at you, totally not buying it. "uh huh, sure" his voice conveys disbelief. "just know, i'm onto you y/n".

you nudge him in the shoulder, seriously wanting to change the topic. "yeah yeah whatever" you cross your arms as you mutter the words, you're sure if you take one more glance at jisung, you won't be able to look away, so you just clear your throat and walk the other way, face still red as sungchan teases you the whole entire time.

maybe if you glanced back, you'd see jisung watching as you left..

JISUNG WAS REALLY HOPING HE'D BE ABLE TO catch you before school dismissed. you two haven't genuinely had an actual talk since you saved him from the flying baton heading straight towards his head. all you two have done is give smiles, waves, and mutter small greetings to each other in the hallway. he had to admit, it upset him in just the slightest, because he really did want to just have a conversation with you (of course, he isn't exactly sure he'd be able to get through a conversation with you without blushing like a madman anyway), but your schedules just kept conflicting, so even catching a glimpse of you around the campus has become difficult for him to do.

he doesn't want to waste any opportunity he has in his hands—

"y/n!"

when jisung sees you across the hall, he realizes that he shouldn't take this chance for granted. you turn around at the call of your name, smiling as you see the others making his way towards you. jisung runs a hand through his hair, hoping he isn't making anything awkward. "jisung hi, do you need something?"

you smile politely at him, a smile so beautiful it seems like it could get rid of all the problems in the world. jisung loves your smile, he could stare at it for hours, is that creepy? he hopes it's not creepy..

"oh uh—" the words he'd been planning to say somehow get caught in his throat, but he clears his throat and proceeds. "i was wondering if i could walk you home?"

you blink, puzzled by the question. why would he want to walk you home? your mind begins to wander, trying to figure out why he'd want to do such a thing.

can't you just ask y/n? stop being an idiot..

"why?"

you don't mean for your words to come out that way, and you're almost afraid that you made jisung uncomfortable with your tone of voice, but he instead just smiles, squashing any of your bad thoughts. you love jisung's smile, you think it's underrated, so little people talk about it and the fact shocks you, you could probably compliment his smile for hours—

but that sounds just a little creepy.

"i just want to accompany you—" —and this is my only excuse to be around you— "do something nice for you after you did something nice for me".

the words make you pause. he's just.. so thoughtful huh? you've never heard of someone wanting to repay you for being nice, it's actually a little strange if you think about it.

"jisung you don't have to reward me for doing something nice.."

"it'd be great to walk with you, though, you make good company".

that's it? that's really it?

you're not sure why you're surprised about that, maybe it's just the idea that he literally searched for you just to say this, he truly just wants to walk you home, he truly just wants to spend time with you.

he thinks i make good company, just the thought alone is enough to make you giggle in your head. your inner thoughts sound ridiculous, but you can't help them.

"if you don't want me to it's totally oka—"

"no no no" you immediately cut into his sentence, hoping that didn't come off as desperate as it sounded. "i'm glad you offered to walk me home, i'd love to walk with you too".

you unsuccessfully try to mutter those last few words, a sudden shyness taking over you. jisung smiles, glad, no, elated at your agreement. he doesn't know why he's that happy, but he hopes it isn't clear and evident, he'd never live it down.

after bidding a goodbye to your friends, and telling sungchan you'd make sure to choose the photos for your editorials, you dragged jisung out of the school doors, much to your and jisung's surprise, as well as the shock of a few of your classmates, he made sure to eye the both of you suspiciously.

"what interested you in photography?"

a scene like this is something jisung thought he'd never get to, being able to talk to you, one on one. just the two of you sharing a simple conversation is what he's wanted for an uncharted amount of time, even with how straightforward it is, the two of you could never really find time to converse normally.

when jisung asks the question, you almost think you heard him wrong. he genuinely wants to know? in a way, you feel like you've always been just the slightest bit boring, yeah you wanna do journalism and love taking aesthetically pleasing photos but you've never considered what you do to be a talent by any means.

you pick at your fingers, looking down at the ground instead of at jisung. "it's an interest i picked up from my mother, i've always been shocked how she could just do that, you know? i love videography and stuff like that as well, i love how one can capture so much with just a single camera".

your words intrigue jisung, and he listened the whole entire way, not interrupting you once. he found a smile crossing his face at the clear display of passion for your creative work, he loves the way you put it into words. god if he didn't admire you before, he surely did now.

"what about you? you're pretty much good at everything, what drew you to the adrenaline rushing excitement of soccer?"

jisung pauses, allowing himself to let out a small snicker at the question. "i don't really enjoy soccer".

you raise an eyebrow. "oh?"

jisung laughs again, your tone of voice amusing him. "don't say it like that.. it's not that i hate it, i'm just not as into it like everyone expects me to be, i got onto the school team and i've been stuck there ever since" there isn't exactly distaste in jisung's tone, he just states it casually, like how it is. his voice is just simple, mundane, he doesn't dislike soccer, it's just not what he's looking forward to do.

you love his honesty.

"i'm into other things in a much more passionate sense, like dance, soccer is just a hobby" he finally finishes, pulling his sleeves over his arms as he avoids eye contact with you.

"so no professional soccer player park jisung?"

"i think i'll leave it to the other guy to be known for that".

you chuckle at his words, okay, he's funny (you knew that already, you just had to reiterate it in your head). god how can a guy be so perfect? you get why people are so into jisung, he's charming even without trying. you feel like the luckiest guy on earth knowing he asked to walk you home.

"y/n, i'm a very.." jisung pauses, as if trying to articulate the words he was about to say. "i really admire you a lot".

you almost lose it.

park jisung, beautiful, talented, hardworking park jisung admires you? he is an admirer of yours? you don't even know what to say, you try your best to sputter out a response but your brain is practically malfunctioning. your face goes red, and you go silent for a few minutes.

"i don't get it" is what you say, and jisung just cocks his head towards the side, observing you. "what's so admirable about me?"

"do you want a list?"

oh i'd love that. "i don't think you should waste your time".

"i wouldn't be wasting my time" jisung smiles, his gaze focused on you and only you, there's a way he's looking at you that keeps you still, unable to look away from him. "i never get the chance to tell you, i'd love to talk about everything i admire about you".

when did jisung get so bold? he'll never know where this random confidence came from, but he has an opportunity, he can't let it go to waste. he has to bring it up to you.

"what i do is nothing incredible—"

"i would disagree".

you should be angry that jisung interrupted you, but you found yourself smiling at his words. he's so generous, he doesn't have to tell you this, he doesn't have to compliment you like this, but he's doing it on his own accord, he wants to.

"okay then.. is it a good time to tell you that i also feel the same?"

jisung's ears go red, so red that it looks like smoke is gonna start pouring out of them. he is shocked, absolutely speechless. you admire him? does that mean he's gotten it all wrong these past few years? does that mean you return his feelings as well—

wait what?

"oh really?"

the prior confidence jisung had when telling you about his admiration has now all fizzled away, his voice almost cracks as he tries to register your words, and thank god it doesn't.

"it's kind of like what you said, you're amazing, a very admirable person, i know you don't really think of yourself like that but i do, and it's nice to be able to tell you up front".

jisung remains silent, but you don't mind, you just give him a smile and continue walking forward, allowing for him to catch up to you.

"is that actually true?"

"why would i lie to you?" you turn around, your whole body facing him. you begin walking backwards and wait for jisung's reply to your question. "don't give me that look".

jisung frowns, a playful one, he sends you a cute little glare that makes you giggle. he's absolutely adorable, you think in your head, he's the cutest person ever right now.

"you admire me?"

"yep".

"more than i admire you?"

"definitely, and don't even try to argue with me".

jisung opens his mouth to do exactly that, but you stop, turning around as you make it to the front of your house. "okay well, thank you for walking me home, ji".

jisung raises an eyebrow, noting down the nickname in his head. it's a common nickname, but he loves the way it sounds coming from you, he loves that you didn't just drop his full name.

"it's no problem.."

"i—"

you're cut off by the sound of the door opening, and your met with the face of your mother, whose face immediately brightens at the sight of you. you smile at her, and jisung just kinda stands there awkwardly.

"hi honey" she wraps her arms around you, and you let her, leaning your head onto her shoulder. "i thought you were staying late today?"

you shake your head. "not today, it's friday remember?"

"ohhh, yeah".

jisung glances down at the ground, playing with his feet. he doesn't know what to say, he doesn't want to interrupt the conversation you're having with your mother—

but he doesn't have to say anything, because your mother pipes up.

"oh! and who might this be?" she narrows her eyes at jisung, cogs in her brain seem to turn but then she snaps his fingers and gasps, seemingly getting it. "oh my god! park jisung?"

jisung smiles, a little laugh escaping his lips. "that is me".

"holy, you've changed so much? the last time i saw you you were barely up to my knees!"

at the sound of your mothers words, you give jisung a teasing stare, one which he quickly turns away from. "you and y/n are finally friends? i was wondering when it'd happen.."

your face goes bright red at the words, and an awkward chuckle escapes your lips. "seems he was too, he always talked about it—"

"haha! what!? that's hilarious mom!" you quickly cut in, not wanting her to talk about your former ramblings about park jisung, park jisung who was right beside you. "yeah okay, jisung i'll see you monday?"

jisung nods, a little too desperately for his liking, luckily you don't notice. "yeah, monday, have a good weekend, y/n".

you smile, blood rushing through your cheeks. "be safe".

he gives a small wave and turns around, beginning the walk back towards his home.

"he's such a nice kid, you sure you're just friends?"

your jaw pretty much drops, and you give your mother a look you don't think you've ever shared with her before. "yes! just friends!"

"hmm, sure".

"WHO ARE THOSE FOR?" CHENLE asks as he immediately notices the goodies in jisung's hands. he raises an eyebrow suspiciously at his best friend, examining the bouquet of flowers and box jisung held. jisung ignores him for a couple of minutes, placing the box in his locker and closing it behind him. "for someone" he just replies, hoping he could just remain vague instead of telling chenle about his true plans. the older narrows his eyes, clearly curious about this 'someone'. he flicks jisung in the forehead, resulting in a yelp from the other, who glares. "ow! what was that for?" he asks, furrowing his eyebrows and rubbing his forehead, a frown now coming to his face.

"what you're hiding stuff from me now?" chenle rolls his eyes at jisung's frown. "who are those flowers for? you got a boyfriend or something?"

chenle was right in assuming it was a boy that was making him go crazy, but you aren't his boyfriend (not yet at least, he's trying, really). he doesn't want to exactly divulge his plans to his nosy best friend yet, just because he'd go around telling everybody he could about what jisung was doing, he didn't want anything to be spoiled.

"they're for.. y/n".

jisung winces the moment he says those words, because chenle goes absolutely crazy.

"FOR WHO!?"

jisung is quick to slap a hand over chenle's mouth, glaring at him for how loud he said those words. "could you be any more obvious?" he asks, gritting his teeth as he continues to glare at his shorter best friend, whose eyes just widen even more. "yes they're for y/n—"

"what are you two dating now?" chenle doesn't care about anything jisung has to say, he slaps his hand away and stares in interest, wanting to know more.

"no! were not dating! it's just—" jisung pauses, how is he even gonna explain this without looking super guilty? blood rushes through his cheeks as he thinks about it, about how these are your favorite flowers, about how you might react. "i wanted to get him something nice! he did a good thing and.."

and i am just so in love with him, i think i might be going insane.

"i just want to do something nice!"

"okay but are you doing something nice or are you getting ready to ask him out?"

jisung's face goes a dangerously red color, and he immediately shakes his head, denial coursing through his veins. "i'm not going to ask him out, i mean— i get why you think that but it's not what it looks like!"

chenle raises an eyebrow, staring at his totally lovestruck best friend. "it sure does seem to be what it looks like".

"chenle—"

"look, jisung, there's no need to deny that you have such an obvious crush on y/n" chenle states like it's a matter of a fact, because it is, they both know it very well, he's better at assessing jisung's feelings than jisung himself is. "he thinks your cute, you think he's cute, you two just need to ask each other out".

"um.." jisung presses his lips together, the two falling into a weird silence. he clutches the daisies in his hands, thinking about you, but he shuts off his thoughts to respond to chenle's little analysis of him.

"i just don't know where we stand, i mean we're barely even friends".

"you two are pretty much already more than friends considering he can't talk to you without looking like he's about to devour you whole".

jisung's face must be an astonishing shade of red right now. "it's not—! i don't know how to explain it okay!?"

"yeah and how are you gonna explain the flowers?" chenle points at the daisies jisung is practically squeezing to death. "other people are probably gonna get another idea".

"well i'll let them think what they want" jisung responds, his only focus is you, who cares what other people think? your his main priority. "y/n is my main focus, i don't care about what other people are saying".

chenle chuckles at his response, oh park jisung is so down bad, he's so in love with you, a kind of love chenle has never seen him have for another person. yes park jisung, love avoiding extraordinaire, is head over heels in love with a boy, chenle cannot believe it.

"okay jisung, go ahead with your wooing y/n mission or something".

at least chenle is supportive.

jisung has to go through so many interrogations to explain to your fellow photographers why he's giving you flowers, while a few of them just shrug and get it, the rest of them make sure to eye him suspiciously while he goes on with his explanation and bright red ears.

he knows most of them probably won't keep their mouths shut, and jisung knows that you told him he shouldn't get you anything for preventing him from getting any future brain damage, but jisung disagrees, he thinks you deserve gifts.

"who are those for?"

your brain doesn't register the flowers, or the connection that they have with your not-so-secret admirer, you just stare at them puzzled. "they're for you!" sohee yells from somewhere else in the room, focused on another important thing.

your eyebrows furrow, and you blink as you stare at the daisies on the table. daisies are your favorite flowers, but everyone knows that! these could be from anyone! you're no stranger to getting random gifts from people, so these could really be from anyone.

but you only have a certain person in mind..

"from who?" you ask, but you really already know who, considering the knowing look sohee sends to you.

"jisung".

of course, you say in your head, your fingers trace the packaging of the bouquet, admiring the pretty flowers before you (the pretty flowers given to you by a pretty boy), a small smile comes to your face as you think about it. you told jisung not to get you anything, but he obviously wasn't going to listen to you, he's made that very clear.

"did he tell you anything?"

sohee doesn't spare you another glance, but you can just tell he's grinning like a madman with the way he's clearly trying to hold in his laughter. "he just told me to make sure to get them to you, he was very insistent".

the teasing tone of your friends voice doesn't go unnoticed by you, and your barely able to stifle your laugh, not at sohee exactly, but at jisung's actions.

of course he didn't listen when you said for him to not get you anything, he remembered what your favorite flowers are, did he spend his weekend thinking about it? you wonder what kind of florists we must've went to.. your mind races with just jisung thoughts, and you're just so lost in them that you don't realize your zoning out.

oh park jisung, why do you have to be so sweet?

"DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO?" YOU immediately ask the moment you come across park jisung in the hallway. the boy blinks, smiling at the sight of you, his face practically brightens at the sight of you. "what do you mean?" he inquired innocently, a small tilt of his head adding to his question. you send him a glare, not a serious one, but it's still a glare. you can't even believe his audacity, for him to look at you with such beautiful eyes, make your knees feel weak without even having to do anything? park jisung is just such a crazy man, you don't know if you can stare at him any longer, you might end up passing out from heat exhaustion (the heat from your face, of course, something that's become so normal for you when around park jisung).

"don't 'what do you mean?' me, i told you not to get me anything!" you complain, lightly shoving jisung's shoulder. "seriously, i said it was fine.." you mumble those words, but jisung just smiles.

"i wanted to get you something anyway, i needed to show you my appreciation somehow".

but just your admiration is enough appreciation for me, just you being around is enough, just you is enough.

your own thoughts weird you out on occasions.

"i told you not to—"

"but i wanted to, it's fine y/n, seriously, just accept my gesture".

you bite your inner cheek, he just always has to be nice, doesn't he? your cheeks flare up and you swear your face goes a shade of red you've never seen before, how does one boy even affect you like this? you don't think you've ever acted like this around any of your other admirers ever..

"ah" a small smile comes to your face. "thank you" you whisper, you're not sure why you get so shy all of a sudden.

"it's no problem" jisung responds, a smile coming to his face. he closes the door to his locker, and then leans onto it. "walk with me?"

you blink, jisung really likes walking with you, huh? is this gonna become your thing? you wouldn't really mind when you think about it.. you enjoy walking with jisung, you just enjoy any time you can spend with jisung.

"what's with you and asking to walk with me?"

"walking with you is just.. nice".

"do i ease your stresses or something?"

your tone is meant to come off as teasing, and your question is mostly unserious, you don't register how you sound like your flirting with jisung, probably because everything just feels so natural with jisung, you love how you feel around him, it's confusing to explain.

"i guess you could say that" jisung's response snaps you out of your jisung focused thoughts, thoughts which are difficult to not get stuck in considering park jisung is constantly occupying your mind these days. "anyway, can you walk with me?"

you pause, tongue pressing against the inside of your cheek. you have class in twenty minutes, and you don't really want to walk back all the way with only five minutes left to make it to class. "i don't know.. chen might kill me".

"please?"

that catches you off guard, you seemingly forget how to think for a second. jisung really wants to walk with you so bad, he's reverting to that easily convincing voice of his? you'd be an idiot to say no, you'd be an idiot to deny anything given to you by park jisung, you sigh in your head.

"okay, fine".

a smile of victory places itself on jisung's face, and he takes your hand, to your own surprise, as the two of you begin making your way down the hall. you wanna bring it up, but you don't want him to let go of you, so you don't. your face goes a bright shade of red, jisung doesn't seem to mind, or maybe he's always wanted to hold your hand, you aren't sure.

you focus way too much on it, on the way it feels, how jisung's soft hands contrast your rough ones, how warm his hands are, you don't want to let go, you don't want him to let go. god, you feel like such a loser, freaking out over a boy holding your hand.

but it's not just a boy, it's park jisung, park jisung makes you feel things you thought you'd never feel before..

"why do you seem so worried?" jisung chuckles, his hand holding yours. he nudges your shoulder lightly, raising an eyebrow.

"because, i don't wanna be late".

jisung snickers, not making fun of you, though, he hopes you don't think that. "have you never skipped a class before?"

your eyes widen as large as saucers, model student park jisung has skipped classes? a small chuckle escaped your lips. "no, i could never bring myself to, it always made me feel strange.."

now it's jisung's turn to look surprised, you laugh again, why does he assume you skip classes? or have even attempted to skip? you wonder what goes through his mind. "are you serious? you've never tried to skip before?"

you scoff, pinching his arm. "i tried to once in the sixth grade because of a dare from friends, but i literally couldn't do it, they called me a wimp for the rest of the year".

"aww sad".

"don't give me your fake pity, also— you've skipped class before!?"

jisung chuckles at your surprise, giving a small smile. "it was a few times as a sophomore, some classes are just so boring i can't resist".

"wow, model student park jisung skips his classes? i cannot believe the information that has been bestowed upon me".

the words, paired with your sarcastic tone made jisung let out yet another snicker, he hopes he's not overdoing it in your eyes, you're genuinely just a very funny person. "oh no! don't use this secret to tarnish my pristine reputation!"

"you're such an idiot".

a cute idiot.

"be quiet, you still love me" jisung rebuts, adding a small nudge to your shoulder along with his words.

it's weird to say, but you like this. even with your totally non-romantic feelings for jisung, you find this nice. is this what dating him would be like? you get to hold hands and joke around in the halls without a care in the world? you think you'd enjoy that, you'd enjoy dating park jisung.

wait what?

you snap out of your thoughts when jisung stops, so you stop too. he lets go of your hand, and you resist the urge to frown, because you don't want to come off as desperate. (but you are desperate, you're so desperate, having park jisung hold your hand was so nice, you want him to hold it again).

"this is my stop, thank you for my walking with me".

the words are simple, basic, but you find your face heating up at them anyway. you clear your throat, not wanting to stay silent any longer. "it was no problem, i couldn't disagree anyway".

jisung laughs, he is so pretty, so pretty without even having to do anything significant. "of course you couldn't" he looks down at his feet. "anyway! have a good day y/n, don't be late to your next class!"

you blink as you watch jisung walk into the auditorium for his next class, you watch as he walks away, standing there for what seems like forever. how could a guy, just a guy affect you so much? what is it with park jisung and making you stop in your tracks? he's mesmerizing, just so easily draws you in.

your eyes widen as you realize the time, you're going to be late for your next class, mr. chen is going to kill you!

and as you totally sprint down the hallway to get to your next class, your mind is racing with thoughts of park jisung the entire time.

"AM I NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND?" YOU CAN practically hear the pout in sungchan's voice as he said those words. you place the extra polaroids on your desk, then glance up at your friend, who stares at you with an expression of defeat on his face. you raise an eyebrow, puzzled at what the actual hell he's talking about, he's always just bringing stuff up so randomly, you can't even keep up with what he's referring to now. sungchan just frowns, letting out a groan of frustration as plops down beside you, a small huff adding to his words. you chuckle at the way he decides to present himself, and he groans once again, very frustrated. "where is this coming from?"

"why didn't you tell me about you and jisung".

you pause, an expression of surprise comes to your face, your face which heats up astonishingly quickly. "me and jisung? me and jisung what? we aren't—"

"y/n there's no point in denying it, everyone already knows".

"everyone already knows what?"

"that you and jisung have a thing, it's fine if you don't wanna tell everyone but excluding me? your best friend in the whole entire world from the news?"

"jisung and i aren't dating!" you say immediately, clasping your hands together as you try to calm your rapidly beating heart. why do people even think that? yeah you like park jisung but how did people even reach the conclusion that you were dating? you're not even sure if jisung returns your feelings. "i don't even know where people got that idea.."

"so your constant yearning stares and pitched up giggles are all not apart of that?"

"i don't—" you are definitely showcasing all guilty characteristics, your red face, your shrill voice, and your very obvious lying, sungchan sees right through you, anyone would be able to. "yearning stares are stupid i don't do that!"

"yeah, sure y/n" sungchan sighs, and you groan, screaming into your pillow. "i'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it's disgustingly obvious that you're into jisung, and i mean in a cringy way".

you gasp in offense, turning away from your best friend. you want to remain stubborn, but you can't, of course you can't, how can you even deny your feelings for jisung anymore if other people can now tell that you like him? your face heats up in embarrassment, and you cover your face with your hands. "is it really that obvious?" you mutter, hoping the answer isn't what you think it is.

"yeah, very, i wouldn't even be surprised if the two of you were actually dating and this was a little trick of yours".

sungchan points at you, an accusatory look in his eyes, but he immediately lets it go, because he knows you, and he can tell that you are telling the truth. you don't even have the courage to look at him, still covering your face with your hands. "have you not told jisung how you feel yet?"

your silence tells sungchan everything he needs to know, and the look he gives you is absolutely criminal.

"YOU HAVEN'T!?"

"i haven't found any time too!"

"how much time have you been spending around jisung these days!? you haven't even tried to bring it up to him!"

you let yourself fall to the side, half your body hanging off your bed. "i don't know how to" you whine, mind immediately rushing to thoughts of park jisung, thoughts you probably shouldn't be having. "it's awkward!"

"well i'm sure jisung feels the same with the way he always has to resist the urge to kiss you in the hallway".

"with the way he WHAT!?"

the words are enough to make you rise from your formerly fallen state, a look of astonishment on your face. did jisung really return your feelings? or was sungchan just trying to start something that would end up absolute humiliation?

"y/n, not trying to be rude or anything, but it's so obvious that jisung wants to date you, he doesn't even have to say it for everyone to know!"

you feel like you just discovered the secrets of the universe with those words, park jisung likes you? like likes you likes you? once the realization dawns on you, you gasp loudly.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!? OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS SUCH AN IDIOT UGH!"

sungchan watches you freak out, he truly can't believe that he had to tell you for all of it to finally set in.

it's actually pretty funny, and he snickers as he watches you go absolutely ballistic.

"HAVE YOU SEEN Y/N?" JISUNG ASKS the first recognizable person he sees in the hallway. he hasn't seen any seniors anywhere for a while, but that's because the days keep getting warmer, meaning graduation keeps getting closer, most of the seniors only take two classes and then go on to do their extracurriculars, so they don't really have to spend the whole entire day at school, but it's weird today because he usually always sees you, even when he isn't purposefully looking for you (which has become a common thing for him to do, he's just loves the time he can spend with you). he hopes you aren't absent, because today is friday, and if he doesn't tell you his important news now he's going have to wait an extra two days.

"y/n? uh..." the unfamiliar boy pauses for a moment, as if thinking, and jisung is hoping that it isn't the worst, because he really needs you to be here today. "well i'm not sure where he is actually! probably with his other photographers".

"but he's here right?" jisung doesn't care if he comes off as desperate, his only focus is you, you are his main priority, he doesn't care about the impression he's making on others, he can truly only think about you at the moment.

"yeah! i'm just not sure where exactly!"

"okay thank you!"

the guy gives him a strange look, a mix of teasing and giddy, but jisung walks off too fast to see it, he's set on finding you. he doesn't exactly know where he's supposed to go, he's just hoping to somehow spot you and be able to get you alone.

"what are you rushing for?" chenle comes out of nowhere, noticing jisung's urgency and the way he's clearly focused on something specific strikes him as odd, but he already has an idea of what's making jisung so fidgety. "you're gonna confess your love to y/n or something?"

"yes, actually i am chenle, it'd be great if i could find him, though".

maybe it's jisung's surprising honesty, or the way his main priority is you. chenle finds it amusing how quick the switch flipped, but it's also kind of cute. the usual pessimist, mr 'i don't really care about love' park jisung is down bad for a boy, it's adorable. "have you tried the photography room?"

"where do you think i'm heading?"

chenle chuckles at jisung's attitude, simply smiling and pulling his cheek. "alright then! don't forget to tell me how it goes!"

jisung doesn't spare chenle another glance, just turns back around and focuses on the task at hand, finding you and telling you how he feels.

jisung wonders how you'll react, based on what he's seen, it's not completely guaranteed that you'll reject him, it's probably more likely that you return his feelings rather than don't. does that make him horrible? thinking because you've exhibited the traits of someone who has a crush that you have a crush on him?

maybe you don't like him and he's letting it all get to his head, it all just seems too good to be true.

jisung doesn't even have to go all the way to the photography room, because he bumps right into you whilst on his way there, and a small yelp escapes your lips. "oh my god.. sorry!"

jisung cannot contain his excitement, and his nervousness. there is absolutely nothing to be nervous about, this is y/n. kind, understanding, charming y/n, it's not like he's going to scream at you for telling him you like him. it’ll all be fine.

"it's alright" you whisper, shaking your head for a moment. "i was looking for you" you immediately say, not allowing for jisung to speak before you.

jisung's eyes widen. you were looking for him? it makes his brain go haywire, figurative cogs in his head turning. "that's ironic, i was looking for you too".

jisung swears he can see the red coloring on your cheeks, but he doesn't say anything about it.

"i have to tell you something".

the two of you say that sentence in unison, the same amount of anxiety coursing through your veins, the same red hue on your cheeks, the same look of surprise in your eyes. "you can go first" you whisper, picking at your fingers, you aren't exactly sure if you want to hear what he's about to say.

"are you sure? it seems you have something more important to say.."

"it's fine! really, i can just say it after yo—"

"i'm in love with you".

the words strike you like a punch to the gut, a slap to the face. your stomach drops, your face is burning horribly, and your legs feel like they're about to give in. you cannot believe it, you hope you don't pass out, you hope you don't just die right here, that'd be so embarrassing.

park jisung is in love with you. beautiful, talented, model student park jisung who you've never truly known how you felt about is in love with you. you are so happy, giddy, and it disgusts you, but the disgust is quickly replaced by the feeling of joyousness. park jisung is in love with you, he feels the same way.

"jisung, i'm—"

"it's okay if you don't return my feelings i just wanted to tell you!" is that really what he thinks? that you don't love him back? he must be crazy, you've only ever exhibited reciprocal feelings. "i'll be off now!"

"no! don't go!" you grab jisung's wrist before he can walk away. smart move y/n, you're acting so natural right now. "i just, i return your feelings! i just don't know how to explain it, also my hands are very sweaty right now and i feel gross.."

you let go of jisung's wrist and feel your face get unbearably hotter. it's embarrassing, you feel so embarrassed, but it's park jisung, and jisung just stares at you lovingly. you're so cute, how did it take him this long to tell you how he felt?

"you're so cute".

jisung doesn’t even realize he says the words until you give him that look, and your red face just makes him giggle more. "this isn't— that is not fair! i was supposed to confess first!"

"you're the one who told me to go first!"

"i didn't know you were going to tell me you liked me! i prepared a whole sentence for you and everything!"

you whine, covering your red face with your hands. jisung removes your hands from your face, and a small smile graces his pretty features. he's absolutely gorgeous, he has such a pretty smile, you have the sudden urge to tell him about it. "your smile is beautiful".

now it's jisung's turn to become the red faced lovesick fool. "ah, really?" he responds, voice shaky, hands even more shaky, but they're so soft, your mind always reminds you to note that.

you hum in agreement. "it's very pretty, i can't believe more people don't talk about it".

"well you can talk about it, aren't we technically dating now?"

the question makes you pause. you feel like your about to go insane, you're dating park jisung? park jisung is your boyfriend? this is like a dream come true, a dream you thought would stay a dream and only a dream. "dating? dating! yeah yeah!"

your natural act is not natural at all, you are very nervous, so nervous you feel like your about to collapse onto the floor. "there's no need to be so nervous.."

you groan. "says you!"

"alright y/n" jisung lets go of your hands, much to your dismay, because you frown. he takes note, and reaches over to grab your own once again, intertwining your fingers. "we’re dating, you don't have to go red faced every time i compliment you now".

"but it's you, how do i not?"

jisung sighs, leaning forward and pressing a small peck on your lips. oh he is such a stupid little—

"why would you do that!?"

"i'm sorry!" jisung giggles, he was definitely not sorry. "it was an instinct, i had to!"

"you— ugh!"

park jisung can't just not make you nervous, he's such a crazy man.

one that you love, of course.

"I THINK I LIKE THIS ONE THE MOST.." JISUNG states, admiring the polaroid photos which litter the desk. you hum at his words, rummaging through the box on the counter, you are very much focused on finding that estranged camera taehyun had pointed for you to find. your boyfriend glances up, looking over your shoulder, silently watching as you get frustrated about this stupid camera you couldn't find. "which one?" you inquire, glancing over at him. jisung holds up the polaroid, a picture you'd taken of you and sungchan at the beach when you were nine. a pretty photo, you aren't even sure how you pulled it off. "ah, that is a pretty one" you whisper, and you smile the moment jisung smiles. his smile is so pretty, a cute stretch which is enough to make you smile, even if you feel down.

"what’s with your face?"

"searching for this old camera is pissing me off" you remark, knowing that you have to search for this is just making you even more mad, why do you have to pack the photography room right before graduation? you hate it. "who even left it in here?"

"a former student maybe?"

you close your eyes, sighing. "i need this to be over so much more quickly" you complain, and jisung just laughs at your misery.

"we graduate in a week, y/n, just be patient" the younger pokes your cheek, then he cups your face, trying to make your frown disappear. "an old camera is not the end of the world".

you glance down at jisung's lips, then narrow your eyes. "are you trying to seduce me?" you question, raising an eyebrow.

"no?" jisung responds, adding a small tilt of his head to his words. "do i sound believable?"

"not at all" you say, pushing jisung's hands away and looking back to the box in front of you so you can continue to scour for this camera you have to get for your friend. you continue to search through the box, trying to find this old dslr camera for your friend. "so don't distract me".

"i'm not!" jisung whines, wrapping his arms around your waist and placing his chin onto your shoulder, watching you try to succeed at your mission of finding a camera. "you don't want to give me, your lovely, amazing boyfriend attention?"

you merely roll your eyes at jisung, he's so annoying (in a cute way), you're about to call chenle to drag him away from you, but you also don't want him to let go of you, his arms around your waist make you feel safe, loved, park jisung makes you feel so loved.

"i found it!" you shriek, victory soaring in your voice. "fucking finally".

"okay so can you give me a kiss now?" jisung asks, puckering his lips and leaning closer to you.

he's so desperate, and you are too, it's adorable, park jisung is adorable. "hmm" you pretend to think about it, an inquisitive look making it's way to your face. "nah".

"y/n! that's not fair!" jisung whines, shaking you with his arms that are still around your waist. he frowns, trying to give you his best puppy dog eyes.

you almost give in, but you push him away, taking the camera you'd been searching for. "later, babe".

"you said that this morning!"

you sigh, turning around to stare at the pouting park. the cute pout remains on his face, how can you ever resist him? you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips, ruffling his hair. "there, are you happy you big baby?"

"you could do better".

"uh huh, and you could be patient".

jisung frowns once again, but it's not a serious one, just the cute one he likes to do when he pretends to be mad at you. "don't be mad, you know i love you".

jisung does know, he knows that very well. he smiles at you, he's so in love with you, and not even in an embarrassing way, there's nothing embarrassing about this, he feels joyful, a sense of euphoria overtakes him whenever he’s with you.

"i know, i love you too".

and he isn't lying when he says that.

because he truly does.

[manonamora-if]

May Check-In

Hi. It's been.... almost a year since I did one of those. And until Harcourt, I hadn't posted here since October. During that time, things... happened in my personal life. I'm not going to get into it* here, but it affected greatly my ability to create and interact with IF in general. I'm getting back on the tracks, slowly returning to my original routines and circles. *maybe through more cathartic writing? after more settling.

Let's get into the longer things:

Recap of last month's progress what I've been up to since July

The 2024 To-Do List

Plan for this month

Some general lines for the rest of 2025

TLDR on the important things because it's really long: Harcourt was my announcement of some return to normalcy. I'm in the process of moving. There's going to be an announcement later this month. It's good to be back. Here's to a healthier rest of the year!

What I've been up to since July?

Some posted here, some missed (I should make some separate posts). Instead of comparing posts, I'm just recap'ing it all.

The 100% Good Assets

I created a Harlowe guide for Saves and Settings, updated the huge SugarCube Guide to match the 2.37 release, generalized the Tweego Folder for Mac users and other Twine formats, expanded the ChoiceScript to SugarCube Guide, made a Harlowe template to resemble Chapbook, updated all the SugarCube templates to 2.37, ported Cloak of Darkness to Adventuron, started Chapbook templates (Save System out, Config.style still a WIP), and finally, made a Chapbook Reference Page for convenience*. *the Guide is already chef-kiss, but the Ref Page is easier CTRL+F'ing stuff

Releases

I participated in a secret jam from the Sacred Veins collective with Svipul (an excuse to create in Twine 1/SugarCane). The theme was Righteous. This is not a happy story.

And as a final hoera in 2024, Dénantir for the Partim500. It's a mini French parser made in Donjon.FI (which had been on my to-try-list for at least two years). Some more sadness and reminiscing.

As you can see, there was a mood...

Updates

Aside from the assets listed above, obviously, the major one: the final story update of The Trials and Tribulations of Edward Harcourt. Released 6 months later than announced, but out nonetheless. Granted, the game was 90% done last October, but I dragged my feet (when IRL wasn't in the way to begin with) to deal some major coding issues that messed a lot of things.

Neo-Interactives and other Events

After the major success Neo-Twiny Jam, where we raised more money than last time (help us repeat it?), there was the Single Choice Jam, Bring Out Your Ghosts, Anti-Productivity Jam, The Bare-Bones Jam, (from here, I was less involved) Educational Jam, ShuffleComp 2024, Smoochie Jam, and the recently ended Dialogue Jam. A lot of participation overall with pretty neat entries! After a very busy, but very exciting, first full calendar year of events, we've decided to scale it back a little*. In 2025, at least, only the month-long jams will be held. *I have a huge backlog of stuff to play now... and NTJ25 is coming soon...

In other events I've helped, there was the IFCOMP for which I did Socials and Moderation, and the SeedComp! that kinda fizzled out at the end (tbf being completely MIA didn't help).

And finally, the Interactive Fiction Showcase 2024 which had so many entries. Which reminds me, I didn't announce the 2025 Showcase yet, which I should do sooner rather than later.

I did play some games, and reviewed a bunch last winter, but that fell off as well earlier this year.

Awards and other cool things that happened

I interviewed Chandler Groover for @the-rosebush-mag, following his win at the 2024 IFComp. This was such an honour to sit down with him and talk about his journey through IF.

I PROMISE I AM WORKING ON THE GAME and machina caerulea was included in the 56 edition of Indiepocalypse! A double feature~ And included with some really cool other people too!

I PROMISE I AM WORKING ON THE GAME was in a 1st-place tie for Best Use of Interactivity at the IF Short Game Showcase.

Les lettres du Docteur Jeangille won Outstanding French Game of 2024 at the IFDB Awards!! And a bunch of nominations for most of my 2024 games (though none came as close). Really proud of this. Twice in a row too! Won't happen this year, because no French Comp for me.

And David Welbourn included Not Another Sad Meal in his monthly parser walkthrough (January 2025). It's kind of wild. I've been using his amazing walkthroughs when playing many old-school parsers. And now I'm in the list! That reminds me, I need to fix some things.

~ And I think that's it? I've missed some pretty eventful periods, so a lot of stuff fell through the cracks.

It does look like I've done a lot, even during my quiet times, but it's really been more in spurs. Short periods of extreme activity and long ones of nothing (half of the summer, the whole of November, most of December, most of January, and from February until mid-April). In other words, when I had some quiet time to actually do something and when shit really hit the fan. It's been hard to balance, but I think I'm regaining my footing. April's been somewhat of a blessing in disguise.

~

The 2024 To-Do List

... has not really been followed. I haven't fixed the bugs on any of my older projects, or finished any of my WIPs (well, Harcourt, but 6 months too late). Instead, the first half was filled with unplanned game releases. On the bright side, I've fulfilled my wish of testing out new programs, or getting better at them. Well, and with Harcourt now out, I guess one thing got crossed out.

On the other hand, I haven't reviewed/played as much as I had hoped*. Even updated my website is completely out of date. Also dropped the ball on all the social media stuff. Very lacklustre year. *esp. the Neo-Interactives entries. It was important to me that every entry got some comments, to ensure everyone knew people looked at their work.

So hum... yeah. ⭐for "participating", lol.

~

The PLANtm for May

Not so much of a plan, more of what to expect this month, which... won't be much. Because the thing is: I'm moving at the end of the month. So between packing, selling, cancelling stuff here, and unpacking, opening, and probably buying things there, my IRL To-Do is arm-length at this point. It's both super stressful and a huge relief. I picked such a good time to come back, lol.

But I hope to have time to do some things. If not in updates/engaging, at least in planning for the rest of the year.

Harcourt: while the story is finished, there are still some kinks in the code/interface that can be handled better. As mentioned in the the update post, it's currently an Open Beta. There are a couple of things I'd like to add in-game. Nothing major. I don't expect the polished version to be out this month, but I'd like to make some progress on it, at minimum.

Secret Project: this will have a proper announcement later this month, but I'm currently planning a summer project for myself. It's both related to IRL and IF. Some good stuff I hope.

Really Bad IF Jam: is back by popular demands. The whole month of May, you can let out some steam by making terrible stuff. If I manage some free time, I might wing something?

Website Update: because it's a long time coming. Half a dozen games are missing, so does a bunch of new info. And it could do with a new interface.

Reconnect with the community. As a whole. I want to catch up on a lot of stuff I missed, and return notes that have been sitting in my inbox for too long.

I think if I can update the website and manage to tick off enough from planning of the secret project, I'll be pretty pleased with myself.

~

Some general lines for the rest of 2025

Normally, this is where I whip out my yearly to-do list of things I want done but probably not even manage to make a dent into it. You know the list from the start of the year, when I do my retrospective. Which hasn't happened this year either. So there's no list.

But for now, my main goal is to get back into a good healthy rhythm, where I can balance IRL stuff, IF responsibilities, and my own projects, without burn out looming or me being unable to do the things I enjoy doing. I think I'll need to make peace with my own capabilities, and stick to proper limits.

In terms of limits, the first has to be participating in events. It's not sustainable for me to try and make a game for all the IF events/game jams that catch my eye - even if I really want to or find them inspiring, and even if I can combine them. Almost all my projects have been created for or ended up submitted in a competition or jam; with ~90% of those being done on a whim/last minute. And because nothing I put out is a perfect bug-free experience, that means re-adding more to my plate with each submission. Because I still like those events very much, I need to be more realist with what I can do, and back out when things are not attainable. Like I have so far this past year. I had full planned or some form of ideas for the SingleChoice, Anti-Productivity, Educational Jam, ShuffleComp, the French Comp, the SpringThing and the Text-Adventure Jam, which all passed without a peep from me; as well as projects I've pushed for a later time for the ParserComp, IntroComp, IFComp (can't since helping organising), and EctoComp from last year. It's both been a disappointment (because I can't work on those ideas), and a relief (less stress to meet a too-short deadline!). So, for now, I'll most likely stick to just @neo-twiny-jam (for a good cause), and the Partim500. In huge part because it's only 500 words max. But also because they are the most fun experience I recall having, consistently. For any other jam, I'll restrict myself to long length (>= 1 month dev) only if I have actual time and a concrete plan (not just a vague idea/vibe - even if I want to test a new program). As for competitions, no submissions until I've finished at least one more WIP - and the entry is actually polished and tested properly (maybe I'll get better reviews now lol). That should leave me with more time to fix older projects, and complete current (and secret) WIPs. Actually actively removing stuff from my desk. For actual realsies now.

In terms of limits pt.2, IF responsibilities. I've been a part of a bunch communities, at different levels of organising, and with different amount of required efforts. Since getting more involved in the community, I've given more than 100% of myself to everything I've said yes to. It was working great for me... until I realised how much piled up. It was already too much last year, and I knew it - I couldn't keep up with most things then. Which is why I said my goodbyes to the great @interact-if last summer, and left a bunch of other discords/spaces. As mentioned above, Neo-Interactives is scaling back as well in terms of events. I had the foresight of preparing a bunch of stuff in advance (this is why @neointeractives has had scheduled posts with reminders). It's been less hectic and stressful, since not having something looming and having to untangle every 2-3 weeks. Gotta give major props to @lapinlunaire-games and @cyberpunklesbian for all their work too (esp during my breaks), they've been real rocks! As for other events, I can be pretty laissez-faire with random unranked events (like the Showcase or Really Bad IF), like posting it and let it be. But comps (and anything with more than one clear rule) require a minimum of admin and promotion*. Time and energy I need to see if I can spend (especially if I delegate) and reevaluate. *seriously... it's more work than you think it is, because it's very concentrated on specific days. It's exhausting. Rewarding too! but exhausting. That would give me a a more balanced planning at least. More time for updating stuff (the reason why yall are following me) :)

A potential path for myself in the soon future (brought to me by moving) is maybe being able to start a Ko-Fi or Support author button on itch. There's a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo attached to that, but it's definitely something more attainable than it was while being here. It's something I'll be checking out this summer, and if possible, there will be an announcement (maybe even a new dev name?). Anyway, that's at least for late-2025-me to worry about. Also will need to find a new job first...

In any case, a slower, calmer, healthier "normal" on the horizon. And a new website! 🤞

[moonlight-tmd]

Hello! I want to ask you about Shattered Glass God Sparkling au.

what is the relationship between Bee and his parents in this version? How does he get to Cybertron? How will his parents react to his situation? On his partners?

If it make you uncomfortable, sorry.

(I'll write that second time, but the first is laging, so yes) (Sorry if It hard to read, English is not mine own language)

Hi! No worries, Tumblr has a tendency to lag when sending asks sometimes.

An AU version of my AU, that's a first. Well, I like to imagine the roles are swapped even for gods; so Unicron is the good guy while Primus is the bad one. Unicron is still energetic as ever but he uses that energy and positivity to make good stuff happen, Primus on the other hand is more of an iron-fist ruler. Bee is a complete opposite of all of them; he's shy, quiet, a coward and a follower.

Now, you would think that means they don't like him- wrong. They love him just as much, in their own wicked ways. They are mesed up but they would do anything to keep their sparkling safe.

Even so it doesn't mean he can't get into arguments with his parents. Primus wanted him to climb the career ladder so he can one day influence Cybertron like he does. Instead Bee became a disappointment by failing and getting thrown into the lowest ranking job ever. To say the least, Bee hasn't answered any of Primus' calls since then.

After the team crashed on earth, he thought he'd finally have some peace to himself but nope- the moment he woke up he got bombarded with questions and concerns from Unicron (since he was on his planet n all). Bee also argued with him to leave him alone, after a while tho they decided to speak again and with Unicron's pushy attitude to know what's wrong Bee told him what happened. Of course Unicron was livid and threw hands with Primus the first chance he got, nonetheless he was there to support his bitty every step of the way.

In the original AU, the gods could manifest an avatar to interact with mortals. In Shattered Glass version, it's nearly impossible for them to do so- Primus has forged the Allspark to manifest a piece of his power in the real world, which also acted as a barrier that unabled any more celestial deities from manifesting there. Unicron is the only one who can somewhat bend that barrier and allow himself to talk to others via electronics. Other than that, their voices are only heard by Bumblebee in his helm.

As much as Unicron was trying to look out for Bee, he had a tendency to get busy/distracted therefore some of his check up visits were very much delayed to the point of it being another check up's date. I would say that in the meantime of that happening, a lot has happened for Bee; when Sentinel came to check up on the group, Bee had a forced talk with Primus. Primus apologised of course but he was still a bit disappointed. Then Decepticons arrived and Bee got in trouble for interacting with them.

The next time Unicron checked up on Bee, the bitty was pissed. Unicron said he'd be there for him and he never was. It took a long while for him to fix that mistake but even then their relations were a bit strained just like with Primus.

As for the relationships;

When Bee was together with Prowl, Unicron tried to warn him about the manipulation but Bee refused to believe it. He regretted being so foolish after he was rescued.

When Unicron learned about Bee being in a love triangle with Shockwave and Blitzwing he was elated to know his bitty is finally getting the overdue love he deserved. He supported them all the way, he miiight have pushed it a little too far with asking for grandlings that one time but he's still happy for Bee, regardless of what they'll plan.

Primus didn't know about anything until after the fact Bee was in a loving relationship. Bee never told him anything about his personal stuff in their rare talks, he didn't want his sire to spoil it all by saying it's not important. He got to accepting their bitlet's situation eventually and he's glad Bee was happy but deep down he still yearns for the plan he originally had for him.

I suppose that's all. I like the idea of them trying to be somewhat good parents but it doesn't go they way they want it half the time. Hope you enjoyed!

And yes, the love triangle is now canon to the AU, cuz why not.

[darkkitty1208]

on fic writing and fandom: where am i going forward?

So. It's a bloody dull Friday and I'm writing this post--have been meaning to, for a while--because I can't stop thinking about it. It's just a few (a lot, actually) thoughts I've had in my mind the past few days that I've decided to spill into a single post, which turned out far longer than it needed to be, but nothing too important. Under the cut.

I've been a fanfic writer for a while now. Not a long time by any means, but a while nonetheless. My first fic--which is now orphaned like a few of its brothers for undisclosed reasons, though if you're an og you might be able to guess why--was dated back to the 18th of November 2021. 3 years later and I've got a humble 89 works and counting (the orphaned works and unposted wips unincluded). I can safely say I've improved quite a lot since then.

Where are you going with this, then, Kitty? Surely you aren't here just to brag about your writing progress?

Well. Not exactly. But I'll start with this: I guess what I'm trying to say is I've lost the spark.

You know. The old feeling. That boost of serotonin you get after you finish a piece you're proud of, or when you get lovely reviews on ao3, or when you get a kudos email, or a new mutual, or some wild tags under your silly post. The spark. I haven't felt it in a long time, now. The last time it's been so palpable was... I'm not sure. Probably last year's October. That was a lot of fun. I was most prolific in fic writing, that year. It shouldn't feel like a long time ago. Because it wasn't.

Don't get me wrong. I love all this. All that's going on right now. The comments I'm getting--even if fewer than I had before--and all the other interactions, I appreciate and enjoy and love them so, so much. And writing my newer fic projects are well exciting. But it just isn't the same anymore. I'm afraid it never will be.

(Maybe it has something to do with the lack of interactions lately. Maybe? I don't really know, either. I'm sure we're all well aware the fandom is past its peak, and with the current developments in the MCU I am frankly unsurprised, but I dunno.)

I guess that's part of the reason I've been less active lately. I've been inactive as a whole this year, admittedly, and disappearing far too often for far too long (and I notice some of my friends are, too). I just didn't get the same joy from being in a fandom like I had when I first started this blog, or my ao3 account.

In hindsight, I've probably been a little too dependent on fandom to provide me serotonin. The past few years have been hard, the years before that, too. Life just keeps kicking me in the arse time and time again. I guess I've been using fandom and fic writing as a coping mechanism, and once I've had my fill, the joy dies off to something a little more dull. Like a gum I've been chewing for too long that the sweetness has since worn off.

Honestly? I don't want it to be this way. I want to live without being so dependent on my presence online. I want to live without only knowing joy through internet interactions. I've got to learn to. It sounds silly, but it's true. (I think I may be slightly chronically online, oh no. x'D)

So naturally my first instinct is to distance myself a little. I contemplated quitting, but I can't do that. I don't see myself ever doing that, no matter how many times my brain convinces me that I might.

When this year started, I had set some goals for writing. One of them was to write for more whumptober prompts than I did last year or complete them all. I did like 21 prompts or something last year. Of 31. Within a little more than a month. While still balancing all the life stuff I had going on. This is, if not obvious, an extremely ambitious goal. I am not insane. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't possibly do that now, can I? Not with all the stuff that's been happening.

...

Can I?

...

Yeah, no. Definitely not.

See, that's another thing: writing. Probably the thing I'm trying to get at in this post but otherwise derailed completely from. Fuck my brain.

I'm sure many of you have noticed that I've been writing significantly less. I still post, obviously, but not as much as like, last year when the number of works I had went from a few to far too much. That had helped me improve quite a lot, actually, but those days I barely slept because I just insisted to replace my sleep time with Writing Shit For The Gays. It was pretty unhealthy now that I look back at it. My sleep schedule is still shit now but, yk. Some things just never change.

I was really, really caught up on wanting to be good at writing. Like, really good. I wanted to make awesome things. I wanted to write like a real fucking pro. Like all the more popular fandom authors I look up to. I want to be like the big dogs in fandom. It sounds so silly. I did everything; sprinting daily, setting a minimum of 500 words writing sessions every day, trying new writing styles, churning out works after works, writing for prompts and events and gifts and the like. I was enjoying it, yes, but was it really something I did for myself? Or was it because I wanted to please other people or impress other people for their validation, which is something I'm entirely too dependent of? Was it for the numbers?

Well. It was more for that than for me, I realised a little too late.

So yeah. Fuck wanting to be good. I want to write for the hell of it. I want to write something that's for me. Not what the majority of the fandom or other people want to read, but for me. Which is why I absolutely loved writing works like just a matter of time, how to kill a god, or how to become a god, because they're not meant for other people but myself. (Ironically that last work is a gift but, yk. I still liked it.) I know I joke about self-projecting a lot, but it's been seriously helping me rediscover the joy of writing that doesn't come from the incessant need to be good or perfect or focus on producing more and more and more. It makes me feel like a kid again. Also, I'm only realising this now but I'd rather get like 5 people who enjoy reading my works so much and express them to me rather than 100 people who silently thumbs up at me and then go away to consume another fic or demand more. (All this to say I still love interactions, it just shouldn't be my no. 1 priority to get them when writing fanfics.)

But yeah. None of those works are perfect. They're not meant to be. But they're mine. They're me. They represent me. And it's so, so great to feel that in writing. I've been so stuck up on being some sort of content machine. I'm doing this for myself, how could I forget? I've been saying this since the beginning, I don't know why I'm still struggling to do it. God. It's ridiculous.

Anyway. That's that. This has become a very long ramble. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk. And for letting me waste your time, if you make it to the end of this post.

[memory-and-sky]

HIIIIIIIIIIIIII MATT HOW YA DOING SWEETHEART?

I saw that you wanted requests and decided to jump in on that 💗

How about Hobie x reader where they are on patrol and reader just drops the most philosophical sentence just out of the blue and Hobie is like

Wtf how are you the most interesting and smart person ever?

Would that be nice? If not feel free to ignore dude

(PS: drink water and take care of yourself 💗 love ya)

this is such an awesome request, thank you for this! i took a few creative liberties, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless :3 !!

word count: ~700

containing: swearing, mentions of death/dying (nothing too in-depth), not quite dating but a little more than friends, hobie x gn!reader, just talking about stuff on a roof together

the rest of the fic is under the cut!

philosophical shit. hobie x gn!reader

(aka what i think about past 9pm)

You and your work partner, Hobie, had just gotten done containing another malicious anomaly in some random universe.

The sun was just beginning to set, though, and you thought you'd stay until it fully settled, until the stars came out. Then you’d clock out and go home.

It was a gorgeous, clear evening. You felt the cool wind blow through your hair as you sat on the top of a decently tall building, glad to be mostly done with your work for the day.

Suddenly, you heard an all too familiar voice from behind you. "Mind if I join ya, mate?"

It was Hobie, of course.

"Sure. Thought you were heading back now, though.." You craned your neck, and leaned back to look at Hobie as he walked over to sit next to you.

"Soundin' like ya don' wan' me around, love." He chuckled to himself, sitting down cross-legged, and gazing out into the colourful sky with you.

It was beautiful. Your universe was never really this pretty.

"Wasn't half bad back there, eh?"

"You or me? I think I did most of the work there." You offered a small smile.

Hobie laughed. "Fuck off, ya wanker. Seemed equal 'cause I had to save your sorry arse. Shoulda given me so much as a plain 'thanks, 'obie' 'n I'd be chuffed."

You sighed, looking down as you fidgeted with your hands. Looking back up at the changing sky, you couldn't help but think of what could've happened, had Hobie not been there to save you.

I mean, you could've probably handled it, but what if you didn't?

"You know, I always have felt sort of unhappy with myself. My life, and whatever. Whenever something like that happens, it always scares the shit out of me and makes me think about dying a lot more vividly and realistically."

You shift to lay down on your back, arms supporting your head. "Fuck, for all I know that could be my canon event... dying. It really fuckin' puts stuff into perspective. The whole canon events thing, I mean. How am I supposed to live life freely, and even just normally, when I know there's a goddamn model that a computer came up with that already dictates my entire life, birth to death? How am I important at all?"

Hobie stared at you, eyes a little wide, a little slack-jawed at your intelligent, observant remarks.

"Christ, ya good, mate?" He chuckled, regaining his usual smirk that seemed to be permanently plastered onto his stupidly attractive face. "Gettin' a bit serious there, yeah? Thought I lost ya for a sec. But, love, I do see what ya mean. 'S quite hard to feel like 'ur in control when 'ur entire bloody life seems planned out. Y'know, canon ain't always right, though. I didn't go through tha' whole stereotypical 'officer savin' a li'l kid' event, so 's able to be changed somewhat."

He shrugged, messing with a loose thread on his pants absentmindedly.

You nodded, resting your hands on your stomach. "Yeah… I know. I just feel like I'm stuck in a cage and I can't do anything about it until I'm dead."

"Mm, don' we all, love.." Hobie shifted over to grin down at you. He seriously tried to play it cool, but he was freaking out, and totally all nerves on the inside. You sounded so smart and educated, this whole interaction totally came out of left field.

Which was more than welcome, fuck, Hobie would be the first to admit that he loved discussing things like this with you. You were so confident in your words, and more importantly, how you said them, and it made you even more beautiful in his eyes. If that was even possible.

He adored every part of you.

Your dorky smile, all your imperfections… Hobie loved that you didn’t hide them and didn’t let people tell you shit, and just your whole personality... it'd take him forever and a day to list everything that he loved about you.

Especially now, you looked artistically beautiful. Like a painting, with all the warm colours swirling around you, illuminating your skin and basking you in the fleeting sunlight.

"Oh, Hobie,"

"Hm?" He snapped out of scanning every aspect and detail of you for a moment.

You leaned into him after sitting straight up, closer and closer, and then pecked his cheek. "Thanks."

All Hobie's blood rushed up straight to his cheeks, and he offered nothing but a blank stare, an awkward laugh, and a light touch to where you kissed.

"Y-yeah, mate... f'course,"

[nalyra-dreaming]

Oh my god everything is so dense!

I have a question,are Anne Rice's books so meticulous with all the the details so you have to go few pages back like ''of course why didn't i see that?''

I'm not going to lie i feel so stupid when someone point at something I missed 🤦🏼‍♀️

I'm trying to focus and everytime I think i get what's happening at a deeper level, i come here and read some analysis and feel stupid again but it's not a bad thing ''yeah push me being more critical and analyze everything"

Mhhhhhh.^^

Anne Rice's books are shock-full of stuff. Let's put it this way. There is also the infamous line of Lestat, in-universe, advising the reader to "read between the lines". In the second book. :)

It's all there, but you have to pry the narrative apart at the seams at times and look at that which is unsaid.

And Anne changed her mind a lot about the details, and extended the lore throughout the books, but all things considered... there is quite the cohesive lore background that she ended up with nonetheless (which is also a reason why Rolin definitely had to include the last trilogy for the show, imho).

The show... is a brilliant adaptation. By playwrights. Show of the decade, imho.

I don't think it is a coincidence that we all churn out months and months of meta after, because there are layers, and parallels, and mirroring, and hints, and references, and tongue-in-cheek nods. I reblogged earlier the meta re "Waiting for Goudot". As in s1 they likely included a whole meta commentary with every book they used. Every radio piece. Every song. Every character that they let interact (see Sartre, for example.)

I think it is normal actually to enjoy it, and then rewatch, read the metas and go "oh my god".

That... actually happens to me a lot, too :)))

But it's only logical I think that if you have not read the books that some things might fly over your head (at first). That said, again... the astonishment at the level of it all flashes me regularly, too. :)))

And I cannot wait to see what else I've missed, lol :)))

Or what I did not have the background for either.

For example that painting before the half sex scene. That is important i bet. But I do not have the background in art to analyze it. But... I bet someone will. And I cannot wait to read that meta^^

[weemietime]

As an anon i’m sure this comes across as troll-y, but i thought i should say smth: you are entirely within your right to be angry about antisemitism but saying a black man deserved to be got by nazis because they’re “his people now” is a bit past the line, man. I think his perspective is deeply shitty too but wishing that kind of horror on him is kinda fucked up.

You've got good values and i’ve seen you be supportive of people growing and changing but its kinda feeling like you’re veering into something violent. I won’t say it’s not valid - god knows jewish folks have been through the ringer - but i do worry about you. The way you’ve been writing has veered a bit into the reactionary sphere and its - i dunno. It doesn’t seem like you. (I say, as a stranger, but nonetheless).

again, i know i’m on anon so my opinion means jackshit, but i hope you’re doing alright, and that maybe there would be some value in a soul search. If you feel this is a necessary path, that’s your call, but i thought you deserved someone asking if this is what you want - i understand what it’s like to escape a hateful mindset, and i know that it creeps back up on you when you’re not watching, even when you work hard to fight it and be kind. You are kind, even if the world isn’t kind back. I hope you are well, whatever you end up doing.

To be completely honest, you are right, here. It was a shit thing to say and I apologize for it. It was more intended in the spirit of calling him a Nazi, like a stupid little zinger, rather than wishing for actual harm to come to him. I did edit it to better reflect my meaning, but I did initially say that. Either way, at the end of the day, constant exposure to this stuff has a cumulatively negative impact. It doesn't matter what your position is, too much of this content is damaging and it begins to show in moments like this. It's very easy to slip into anger and frustration, especially when you lack face-to-face interaction as I frequently do. Because it's online, and off-the-cuff, impulsive statements like that are just something you can fire off without really thinking it all the way through. Talking about these issues here is my way of doing my part, but it's important not to drift into vitriol and spite and hate - and I was fairly careless, there. I have started to get mired down in reactionary gobbledygook. And I'll be real, I suspect this is very common. But especially for someone like me, who has a history of indoctrination, I try to really keep an even keel when it comes to this shit. You don't have to worry about coming across as a troll, or that your opinion means jack-shit. It was a needed push back onto the right track of things, and I appreciate it. I hope you're having a good day, 'non! It's rough when you got a brain made out of spaghetti, lol. And obviously, this stuff isn't intended to excuse anything, but hopefully by publishing this and detailing what happened other people can avoid similar pitfalls.

[bvrningfrost]

Lmaooo all the uraume fans making an entranceee and here i come too! So my favourite friend, how would you think uraume would be if they were attracted to someone? Like how would they behave around them and alsooo a more spicy one🤌how many centimetres do you think they would be🤫(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠���

PLEASE every single uraume fan is welcome in my house, this is genuinely such a nice way for me to interact with the fandom because i struggle really hard to actually interact with ppl bc im really shy and anxious and bc of past bad experiences especially in the uraume fandom... feel free to bombard me with anything uraume, you will make my entire day :3

okay sooo, (idk if you're talking about romantic or sexual attraction but i felt like word vomiting about romantic attraction haha)

i think they would be a mix between seeming uninterested and distant to the point where its almost a bit mean but also awkward as fuck when they get caught off guard (the guard being the walls of ice uraume builds around themselves to not let anyone emotionally close ever lol) i feel like, especially in the beginning when they're trying to deny their own feelings, they would nag on their love interest a lot, if you don't know uraume you could hardly tell from the outside that they're liking the person but people who know, know that this is just uraumes silly way of handling things bc god forbid genuinely accepting your emotions for what they are lmao but despite being cold and borderline mean to the person they would constantly talk about them to their closed ppl, mostly complaining about them but its so obvious they're a bit too invested into them (pls someone tell me they know of which behavior im talking about lmaoaoao), uraume would intensely stare at them across the room as if they're studying their every move but if someone were to point that out, run. when their crush says something silly uraume would roll their eyes but also turn their head and softly smile bc they actually found that quite funny but would never admit it, in a group of ppl when their person is talking they will always listen, always, even if they're the only one, even if all they talk about is some uninteresting stuff, and then when it actually comes to proper talking stage, their love interest will be genuinely surprised about how many things uraume knows about them even tho uraume seemed to almost hate them lol also, uraume would definitely stand up for their crush and protect them if they had to but would act like nothing ever happened right afterwards, still if their crush comes too close to them, or noticed uraume looking at them etc. uraume would turn into a stuttering mess, with an attitude (important), that would just storm off rather than taking the chance to talk to them. also i don't think uraume would be the initiator, they would probably be the last person to realize their crush genuinely liking them, if uraume even realized it before they clearly said it lmao, can you tell by now that my uraume is neurodivergent? haha, BUT once you break through their thick ice (no pun intended lol) uraume is the most loving partner anyone could imagine, sometimes very tough love but love nonetheless.

in conclusion uraume is going through the following stages when they're attracted to someone:

- mean to them but very attentive

- less mean, more awkward

- awkwardly in love, still with an attitude

(nope nothing in between)

- balls deep head over hells obsession

(tho attitude is a forever lingering thing bc we are talking about uraume, the monarch of having an attitude)

...now i want to write a shiorume AU to this lmao

about the other question 👁️👁️

idk enough about this topic to give centimeters lol but i would say solid average??? like, realistically ykwim? even tho their neck did seem quite thick in some panels 🫠 anyways, enough to rearrange my organs and impregnate me and that's all that matters.

[sandrayofsun]

What Just Happened Pt.3 (still going omg)

Alright I'm seriously hoping this is the last part but there is just so much content idk what to do. Hopefully if this finds you it's because you enjoy reading all this stuff while you wait for the next episode to come out LOL

This whole post will be dedicated to the River Scene!!

Let's continue!!

---------------------

From last week's preview we already knew this was going to be an important conversation for this pair because this whole show we have been needing both of these to start communicating properly. I thought this setting was perfect honestly because there's something very relaxed and open about being in nature.

I think throughout this interaction it's interesting that Sand is really just calling stuff out, while Ray sort of tries to placate him. But at the end of the day, Sand isn't an idiot, and with the way Ray has been brought up, he needs clearer boundaries and open communication.

Ray is very capable of saying thank you, apologizing, and admitting when he is wrong, but he needs to be with someone who cares about him enough to keep him in check.

It's exactly this type of conversations that Ray needs in order to help process his feelings, and learn how to take care of the feelings of others. A lot of this show has been spent with Ray feeling like he owns Sand, but that is not the reality.

Look at Sand expressing his feelings and finally putting it out there that he likes Ray. I think both of them have been waiting for this, and it shows a lot of progress from Sand that he is able to set his boundaries while also expressing himself.

And Ray finally admits what we all knew from the beginning. People talk a lot about how much control Mew has over Ray but let's talk about how wrapped Sand has him around his finger. Ray never stopped chasing him and wanting to know him even when he was "chasing" Mew.

I think the ending of this scene was incredibly symbolic.

Sand saying he won't wait for him if he finds someone whose ready

Proceeds to start walking out of the river

Turns around to wait for Ray

Ray is wobbly and a little unstable in the water but moving forward nonetheless

Sand reaches his hand out to him to steady him

Ray takes it

They walk side-by-side

Like are you kidding me that was literally the most poetic shit ever.

Ok part four will be the last one I promise!! It's just there's so much to talk about from this episode hahaha (part four is here)

[thisworldisablackhole]

Sprawl Trilogy first impressions

God damnit, Gibson really did it this time didn’t he? The man really knows how to string you along and then ghost your ass mid dinner - dipping out of the bathroom window to leave you calculating the tip on your own.

Upon writing this, I have just finished Mona Lisa Overdrive, so I’m full of post-book emotions. Mona Lisa Overdrive took me the longest to read out of the 3 books. Part of that is due to the fact that I was getting distracted and spending full days writing posts on this blog about music and other stuff, and part of it is due to the fact that it is simply the most narratively dense book in the series.

After reading all three I have to say that Neuromancer is still my favourite. It had the most satisfactory ending by far, and perhaps the most cohesive vision. Count Zero is the only entry in the series that was kind of a dud for me. Upon finishing the trilogy, I think there is still some important world building information in that book that is worth revisiting, but the semi-boring characters mixed with all the weird heady spiritual stuff just didn't click for me. Not to mention the finale was much like when you try to pop a bubble on a sheet of bubble wrap and it sort of just softly squeezes out the air without making a sound. Virek going from being on the verge of unlimited power to completely ceasing to exist within the span of a few pages just made me go... "oh.... alright then".

Many people claim that Mona Lisa Overdrive is the best, and I can see where they are coming from, but I must admit I am just not a huge fan of the multi character perspective switching that happens between every chapter. Neuromancer still had it's fair share of innate complications that come from being based in a highly technological word (and written by an author who trusts the intelligence of the reader way too much), but it had a single driving perspective that was easy to stay engaged with. Count Zero caught me off guard with it's perspective shifting right away and it took me almost half the book to really pin down all the who what and where's to a point where I felt connected to each thread. Fortunately Gibson improved on this method of writing A LOT with Mona Lisa Overdrive. Even though he upped the narrative threads from three to four, the characters felt more fleshed out and were easier to connect with.

There is still so much I don't fully understand about the story. The end of Mona Lisa Overdrive wrapped up a lot of loose ends from the previous two books while simultaneously opening a pandora's box full of new questions and theories to explore. I do feel like Gibson added a bit of unnecessary information for the pure sake of complicating the plot and throwing you off balance, but it was nonetheless fascinating. Kumiko's entire involvement in particular was a huge question mark for me. Not to say I didn't enjoy her character. I loved the interactions between Kumiko and Colin. The whole idea of a handheld maas neotek personality construct that acts as a guide/companion that only she can see was really fun, but I kept waiting for her involvement in the whole switcheroo deal to make sense and then it turned out she was never really involved in that aspect of the story in the first place.

On that note, one of the beautiful things I learned to accept about Gibson's writing is that he loves to leave the reader in the dark. There were many times where I felt like an idiot for not fully understanding what was going on, only to have Gibson drop the answers straight into my lap in the last quarter of the book. I found reading this series a lot more enjoyable when I just relaxed and went along for the ride instead of asking questions. The knowledge and context you gain by the end of the books almost beg you to read them again, and that is why I refuse to do a full in depth review until that happens. I just can't do them justice until I fully understand.

[hpdfag]

I think it can actually be pretty normal to be obsessed with someone like that, sadly. It’s some contradicting relationship you have sometimes; they’re the only one who know what happened to you and “stay” with you nonetheless, and you can’t help but feel like they have a part of you with them, personally I’ve felt like that. It’s hard to leave them behind, really hard, so I think sometimes it’s important to live with them by your side it you aren’t ready to lose them…and try to become something different than them. Share your past with someone and feel safer with them. That helped me a lot!! And I hope something helps you too. It’s normal to be anxious about a lot of stuff and yeahh I can get why you’d feel uncomfortable with your friends interacting with a double…I mean idk if you should policy them ofc but it’s such a weird experience to see a double. It feels so fundamentally wrong, like a doppelganger with a broken nose??

I hope you’re doing better now, take some time for yourself if you need to!!

- 🧶

haha yeahyeah ... the person i was talking about is very much gone now. he's never coming back. but it can be hard, sometimes, knowing that the only person who really knew everything, the whole story, is gone. even if it's for the best.

and yeag .... i dont want to police people but im considering blocking over it because its really upsetting being consistently re-exposed to someone who is just. inherently triggering to me. i wldnt mind if they were jst mutuals or whatever but when theyre actively friends it means they show up on my dash thru asks and such even though i have them blocked so its kinda just a matter of how much i cn handle it ... which clearly my tolerance is. not very high. ive never been able to shake the feeling that its like identity theft almost like what the fuck why are you trying to act like me and getting it wrong too

and thank u thank u !!!!! i hope ur having a good day, ive been trying to spend more time offline to the best of my ability since ik stuff like this gets me way too worked up LOLOL (even if thats usually spend gamimg or doing art im not On The Internet so it counts. 2 me /silly)

[dragon-tummy]

I'm back!

been a bit, huh?

As I said, I'd probably return on my birthday when I was an adult. That time has come, albeit a day late, but I'm still back nonetheless.

So... what's gonna happen?

For my safety and the safety of anyone under 18, I will not interact with people or posts made by anyone under that age. I'll be stepping away from the minor-friendly spaces for the content I indulge in, just to be safe.

I tend to not have a filter, and I'd rather not befriend someone younger than that if I can't control the things I say. I'll be going through my following list and removing people who are/believed to be underage. You guys are awesome but!!! I'm putting boundaries in place!!! So please respect that!!!

I will not be posting explicit content of any kind on this account, as per the tumblr guidelines, but that's different for other sites I may be on. I will not be providing links to other sites I'm on mainly for privacy reasons.

Aside from all that important stuff, I'm gonna try to post on the tags of content I enjoy. Like JoJo. There will be vore. I apologize to anyone that knows me from elsewhere, I PROMISE I'M NORMAL, PLEASE.

But yea! I'm glad to be back and I hope I can get over my paranoia with posting weird stuff online.

[jayextee]

RAGE 2

In a turn of events that will shock and appal anybody who knows me personally, I'm in love with a polarising game.

"In love" is too strong a term, perhaps. The thing is, every 'RAGE 2 is shit' take I see on the Internet, the harder I wanna double-down on being a fan of this game. And its prequel, yes, I am one of the three who love it.

What we have here though, is an awkward marriage between Avalanche Studios' openworld design a la the excellent Mad Max and id Software's trademark (if you ignore DOOM 3, as I often do) brand of satisfying shootybangs. It works as much as it doesn't, so I'm gonna go through the good, the bad, and the ugly right here.

The Good

Oh for crying out loud, RAGE 2 is a beautiful game. Although sadly lacking some of the stylisation of the original game (which reminded me personally of those late '90s fully-painted 2000AD strips and covers, niiiiice...) but now we have colour! And absolutely oodles of the stuff, including my beloved pink; used to great effect to draw attention to and highlight important interactables or areas. This lends itself to a visual clarity that supplants the gunplay excellently.

And of the gunplay, oh, I have some words. They're all good words. RAGE was no sloucher in this department itself, so build upon that absolutely solid base with a bunch of Nanotrite-fuelled abilities to spice up battlefield agility and strategy and we have ourselves one hell of a fun time. Even the vehicular combat has seen a welcome shot in the arm, although it's not quite as satisfying as that seen in Mad Max, it's still pretty fun to take down the endlessly-respawning convoys across the wasteland.

The Bad

That aforementioned wasteland. 'Waste' is indeed the operative term there; for there's a lot of empty space. Now, I don't play a lot of openworld games at all (RAGE, Mad Max, and the Arkham games are basically my entire diet) so this could be par for the course. But so much of it's just

s t r e t c h e d - o u t

and lulls between that satisfying gunplay can be pretty large sometimes. Especially stings when engaging with the openworld is pretty much the meat of the game's filler content, even when playing for a minimal 'see the ending' run.

This is lessened somewhat with certain lategame vehicles (I'd have gone insane were it not for the Icarus, I tells ya) but still. Look, I've already said I like this game a lot, are you expecting a whole itinerary of complaints here?

The Ugly

Not literally ugly, as this is a great-looking game through and through. But there are bugs. Ragdoll bugs, floating prop bugs, frozen physics object bugs, enemies stomping the player through the floor bugs, invisible NPC bugs; even a particularly-heinous game-breaker that can happen literally as the final mission is supposed to trigger that so far, fingers crossed, I've managed to avoid on both a casual playthrough and a completionist one. But hey, I guess this is technically A Bethesda Game™ and I gather that pretty much goes with the territory at this point.

Also it's worth noting that the game fucking loves the Cyber-Crusher boss and there are a few of those. They don't get any more difficult each time either, it's just the one boss again. And again. And so forth.

Conclusion

It's good! I like it a lot! Even love, to spite The Internet in general because I love to cheer on any underdog I see; imagined or otherwise. It's got some flaws but I was very much willing to overlook these things for a game that, although I couldn't say was unilaterally-superior to its prequel, does nonetheless take some steps to improve upon it. And it has a proper final boss encounter as well, instead of, well, just a room that the original game had.

Unpopular opinion maybe, I wish they'd do a third. 4/5

[heartsbreaking-migrated]

okay im back and it's kára time!!

i don't get to use kára much which sucks cause they're one of my fave ocs but that's kinda on me cause i'm lowkey afraid to throw her at people. but have some thoughts, slight loki spoilers but if you really care that much you have the tag blocked anyway

so as it stands kára is main timeline Ioki's kid, but didn't know that for sure until after ragnorak because Ioki had no involvement in their life and they were raised by their mother and by various asgardian elders.

and at no point do i think that's going to change, it's important to me that kára be able to stand alone as a character without being dependent on a childhood raised by Ioki (because if i ever DO interact with a Ioki blog that's a pain to sort out and also frankly kára having no connection with her parent and potentially developing one later is much more interesting to me). she is Ioki's child but she is not LOKI's child ya know? kára is their own person, and her experiences are shaped by being different but loved nonetheless. and that's important because in some ways so was Ioki and they share this, but they don't know it, but she also got to have a lot of experiences that Ioki would never get to have and these are important too.

anyway, all this to say, i'm toying with the idea that maybe kára isn't main timeline Ioki's kid. maybe they're a variant's kid, one that still wasn't part of her life, but it would give me a little more room to play around with universe stuff. i'm not sure in this case whether it really matter's which timeline's Ioki's spawn kára is though. she still grows up on asgard, and still escapes when asgard is destroyed in ragnorak.

i would love plots with a mobius or other tva agents cause yeah either way kára could totally be a variant that wasn't supposed to happen and also any and all Ioki variants cause i'm having THOUGHTS about my bby

also semi unrelated but talissa and kára are basically variants of each other and i think that's neat. (like they have vastly different personalities but they are both orphaned children of tricksters (and gabriel called himself Ioki in spn before revealing his true identity) who dabble in magic)