#COMMUNICATION

[prokopetz]

Not to be a technical writer on main, but I've been bumping into the idea lately that the only reason explaining yourself in more detail never seems to work is because neurotypical people are misunderstanding you on purpose, or because they have short attention spans, or because they just hate listening to you talk – and sure, occasionally that's even true, but most of the time the problem you're running into is more fundamental.

Every time you add more detail, you're running the risk of tripping over a bad assumption on your part about the listener's prior knowledge, or hitting the tipping point where they become overwhelmed with new information (and remember that you don't know which parts of what you're saying will be new information for them), or making a leap of logic that isn't as self-evident as you think it is, or any of a dozen other potential snags which, by definition, you will not see coming until it's too late to correct course.

Basically, every piece of information you add multiplies the odds of you getting blindsided by some vector of misunderstanding you didn't anticipate, even as it addresses the ones you did anticipate. The point of diminishing returns where continuing to elaborate increases the odds of unexpected miscommunication more than it decreases the odds of expected miscommunication is much nearer than you'd like.

The most effective act of communication is not the one which contains the most possible information, but the one which contains the smallest amount of information it possibly can while still getting its point across. It sucks, but it's the reality of the situation. People far more autistic than you have been trying for hundreds of years to invent a way of communicating which doesn't work this way, without success.

All of which is to say that "getting to the damn point" is legitimately a communication skill, not just an accommodation for people who aren't paying attention. If it's any consolation, it's something neurotypical people struggle with just as much as anyone else – if it was easy, technical writers wouldn't have jobs!

[vexnator]

fascinating how often solving problems boils down to "fucking communicate better" it's almost like knowing things is our greatest strength which is the foundation to every society on earth or something! also thanks for this

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

You're not actually a better friend for not articulating and respecting your own needs, limits and boundaries. Your lack of communication and boundaries is not some impressive sacrifice. You're not doing anyone any favors by acting like you're okay with things you aren't okay with. You're just building burnout and resentment that will eventually damage the relationship in question. And when you eventually snap and walk away because you silently overburdened yourself to be a "good friend", it won't be the other persons fault

[polyamorousmood]

Polyamorous folks figure out REAL QUICK shit's so much easier if you just say it. "Hey, can you compliment me?" "Hey I want to do something special with you soon. Would you please schedule something for next week?" "I'm feeling really unloved, help me convince my brain its being dumb?"

If you can just duct tape over the voice in your head that says "its not real if you have to ask", long enough to get the words out, you could have it all, babe.

This is advice to everyone but especially cishet monogs

[itscolossal]

Humpback Whales Are Approaching People to Blow Rings. What Are They Trying to Say?

[princessfaerygia]

in 2013 i lived with my ex andrew. cleaned apartment, made thai curries and veggie pasta for us. jogged around the park in the mornings. apartment twas a wonderful location. near grocery store and ymca...the botanical gardens, bicycle shop, coffee shop with weekly "open mic" /live music and poetry readings.

sometimes i enjoyed it very much. there was a period of time where i was aware of the devastating effects of technology and decided to have my phone constantly turnt off. didn't use tumblr for once in my life. like maybe 5 months. he went out playing or attending music shows and stayed late drinking. i stayed at the apartment sleeping and drinking tons of water pretending to be a precious plant.

many days after i made him breakfast and he went to work i pretended to "make the bed" before he left. as soon as he was gone i cleaned did dishes, drank lots of water, and slept til he came home from work 9-10 hours later.

i wouldn't say i was depressed~ i simply enjoyed sleeping and feeling safe without technology.

before he came home i would wake up, remake the bed, and have dinner ready.

he is an interesting character and very individualistic. what i love about him is he follows the law.

but he is controlling and perverse, coplike. during that time the cops scared sandra bland and she hung herself in jail.

sometimes i feel in tune with her because i am so very "bland" and andrew dominated and degraded me often. he once called me a cotton picker.

i am not ever going to be with him again and that's a good thing.

me and boyfriend are getting along yes he is playing starfield game on my laptop. the one i decided to gift him. his laptop now. 🥴

Still reblogging like it’s 2013.

[stone-cold-groove]

A phone that has push buttons instead of a dial for calling.

[creature-wizard]

Projecting political views onto people based on what they haven't said (or more often than not, what you think they haven't said) is so wild.

"I haven't seen you specifically talk about (insert thing here), that's reeeaaaally suspicious, you know."

Or maybe you're just paranoid? Maybe you're just looking for an excuse to start some shit? And maybe you're going to make yourself look like a real assclown if you make these kinds of hostile insinuations?

Maybe you should consider that there are other ways to manage your frustrations and communicate with people you feel aren't doing enough?

[gawki]

Royal Pigeon

[auschizm]

If you tell someone directly "that behavior makes me uncomfortable, please stop doing that to/around me" and the person keeps doing it and anyone tries to excuse it with "they're autistic, they can't help that they're bad at social clues", know that it's bullshit. Once you have verbally articulated a boundary directly to someone's face it is no longer a complex social clue, it's a direct request. And you don't get to ignore direct communication of boundaries because you're autistic.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Pretending you're fine when people cross your boundaries doesn't make you a really nice person, it just makes you a really shitty communicator. Far too many people pride themselves on being "too nice" when it's just that they have zero conflict resolution skills and will seethe in resentment for months instead of articulating the problem

[marzipanandminutiae]

"you do not owe friends instant responses to every social message, and anxiety over not receiving the same is something for the anxious person to work on, not your responsibility to totally change for"

AND

"you have to put some effort into friendships, which can include open communication with your friends about how to make both of you comfortable re: messaging. expecting other people to do ALL of the work ALL of the time, in terms of getting in touch and carrying on the conversation, may make them feel ignored and/or and leave"

are ideas that can and should coexist

[astraygenius]

I do the “question:” thing all the time! Something else I say is “not a criticism, just an observation”

this is gonna sound like a shitpost but the best advice i have if youre consistently coming off wrong is to start talking like an elcor

you will feel like a dumdum at first, but once you get used to it youll realize that telling people what kind of thing you're about to say ahead of time flattens their anxiety a huge amount

ive been starting every question with "question:" for awhile now and i almost never get people reading too much into what i mean anymore

it seems super dumb, but "what are your plans tomorrow?" gets people asking me what i have planned despite me obviously being in the process of figuring that out, whereas "question: what are your plans tomorrow?" gets me a quick rundown of their schedule, followed by "why?"

it also makes it really easy to work tone indicators into your verbal speech. if you're always saying "question: [your question here]?" then no one blinks when you say "genuine question: [question that could read as sarcastic]?"

it also gets you out of your own way for any types of things you struggle to say. "can you make sure to do the dishes before you go to bed?" feels like an argument waiting to happen, but "request: can you make sure to do the dishes before you go to bed?" gets the words flowing on a neutral word while making it clear that you're not looking for a fight

so yeah. suggestion: talk like an elcor

[wordx]

How did you two get so close?

“We talk at night.”

[liminalweirdo]

guys, in regards to reading comprehension, if it's something you struggle with — read the whole thing. If it's something you don't struggle with, yes you do — read the whole thing.

don't respond or comment or whatever before you have read the whole thing.

The number of times I've gotten responses from people who clearly didn't read beyond the first few sentences of what I wrote is genuinely staggering. Think about it: if you don't have time to read someone else's thoughts, why should anyone take time to read yours? Communication is a two-way street.

Take your time reading. It's okay if you have to take time. You don't need to be 100% ready with a response right away, ever, in real life convos or online. You are allowed to take the time you need to absorb information and develop a response. Anyone who says otherwise is an asshole.

If you have a physical copy of something, highlighting or underlining is extremely helpful. There's even studies that show that you take in more information if you're holding a pen in your hand, as if to take notes. Also, TAKE NOTES! It's fun and extremely helpful.

If you don't have a physical copy, try highlighting with your mouse or your keyboard as you read. It makes you slow down and absorb what you're reading. Highlight a sentence at a time, and move forward sentence to sentence. There are even programs that allow you to do this with any running text. It's usually called focus mode.

TL;DR read the whole text before you respond to something, for the love of spiders georg