#Cain knows just enough to do what he needs to for his job beyond that he gets lost

[spookyboywhump]

darknet pet owner forums, baby. (i feel like cain wouldn’t know how to access it though)

When asked why he’s not on the darknet pet owner forums Cain says he’s simply too busy to bother with it but in actuality he just can’t figure that shit out

[thescarletnargacuga]

Here’s a little idea! Any version of showtime you’d like, they try to keep their relationship more of a secret at first (maybe because pomni doesn’t want to be in the spotlight or they don’t want there to be suspected favoritism, etc) and think they’re doing a good job at it, but they’re so obvious about how lovey they are to each other that everyone else caught on a long time ago haha

A/N: ANY version, you say? MANGO, GET IN HERE!!

WORST KEPT SECRET

A TIME CAPSULE AU SHOWTIME ONESHOT

AU credit: @mangotangerinepastry @the-amazing-digital-time-capsule

WARNING: making out, mild angst

~~~

Caine held Pomni close in the dark confines of a janitorial closet. The guests were away for the day and they simply needed a moment to themselves from the prying eyes of the overlording AI and the other cast members. Feeling her heartbeat with his, her lips against his teeth, her hair between his fingers was what was needed, but he also felt the tug of the invisible red strings on his fingers, warning him to keep this quiet.

Pomni wrapped her arms tight around Caine, holding him to her as she kissed his teeth fervently. The world beyond the closet door vanished from her mind. She could just be here in this moment with him. A brief moment of bliss within the eternal servitude to the capsule.

They broke the kiss and embraced in silence, breathing each other in...and the closet of cleaning supplies. Pomni took a deep breath against Caine's neck and sighed. "I wish we could stay here..."

"Me too." Caine rubbed Pomni's back soothingly. "But you know what will happen if we do." His fingers twitched against the tug of the strings.

"I'm grateful for the moments we do get to have, no matter how brief." Pomni gazed into Caine's eyes and caressed the side of his lower jaw. "You're worth suffering this place for."

Caine leaned into her touch and held her hand on his jaw. "I'm really not-"

"Shush. We're not having that conversation again. Not here. You're worth my time. Accept that."

Caine closed his eyes and resigned to Pomni's stubborn insistence. "I don't deserve you."

"I decide who deserves me." Pomni retorted and gave him one more kiss. "I'll give you a minute to get down the hall before I leave."

Caine reluctantly let go of Pomni and peaked out the closet door. Seeing no one, he gave Pomni one last longing look before backing out of the closet.

"Caine? What are you doing here?"

Caine about jumped out of his skin. He spun around and stood as innocently as he could in front of the door. "Oh! Hello, Zooble. Sorry, I didn't see you there. What- uh, brings you here at this time of evening?"

"uh....cleaning? Like every night?" Zooble drolled.

Caine started to sweat. Time must've gotten away from him, because he and Pomni are normally gone long before anyone comes by. "Right! Cleaning. Of course." The door started to crack open behind him and he leaned against it, slamming it shut.

Pomni was knocked back and grabbed a shelf, making a few cans and bottles rattle loudly.

Caine coughed. "Door's a bit loose. Anyway, sorry to be in your way. I was just looking for something I misplaced. But it's HIDE-ing rather well from me."

Pomni heard Caine's enunciation and spun in place, looking for a corner to hide in. She dove into a bin and closed the lid.

Zooble arched a mechanical brow. "O...kay...so, you gonna get out of my way or..?"

Caine swallowed and stepped aside. "Yes, I have business elsewhere. Have a good evening." He put his hands behind his back and walked away as casually as he could, but there was a definite urgency in his pace to get away.

Zooble went into the janitorial closet without another word. They collected cleaning supplies and a mop. One of the cans of cleaning solution was empty and they lifted the corner of the bin lid just enough to toss the can in.

The can bonked Pomni in the head and she let out an involuntary "ow".

Zooble froze, knowing damn well what they just heard. They quietly check the radar in their abdomen. There was a blip next to theirs on screen. Pomni's blip. Zooble finished what they were doing and left the closet.

Pomni waited for several minutes before finally peeking out from the bin. She slowly and carefully made her way out the door and down the hall, covered in drips of cleaning solution.

Zooble chuckled to themselves as they watched Pomni's blip scurry away.

~different day~

Kinger poured a drink for himself and Caine. They occasionally got together for a chat, being close friends as they were in the Capsule's longest running cast members. For now.

Kinger stood behind his bar and leaned on it casually. Caine sat on a bar stool, nursing the old fashioned poured for him. "Thank you, Kinger. I've needed this."

Kinger shrugged, sipping his own drink. "The ringmaster's drinks are on the house. Enjoy." As he put his drink back down, something caught his eye. An out of place spot on Caine's collar. The ringmaster was typically immaculate with his appearance, as expected of him. It was a faded blotch of pink.

Kinger pointed to the spot. "Hey, uh, you got something on your shirt there."

"Hm?" Caine struggled to see something right under his jaw. "What is it?"

"Makeup."

Caine's blood went cold. "Oh, that...I must've gotten some on my hands and rubbed it off by mistake. Stage makeup gets everywhere during prep."

"You don't wear makeup." Kinger gave Caine a look. "Whose is it?" He'd smirk if he had a mouth.

"No one's." Caine said curtly. "For your information, I do handle makeup. It's an art form." While he personally agreed that makeup is an art, he was bluffing about doing it for the performers.

"So Pomni or Gangle." Kinger deduced. "Gangle prefers to do her own."

Caine gripped his glass a little tighter. "How are you so sure?"

"You'd be surprised what people tell the bartender." Kinger stood upright and downed his drink so he could continue cleaning and prepping for the next day. "I'm good with secrets, Caine."

Caine didn't respond. He only eyed a panel behind the bar that hid a stash of strong liquor reserved for him.

~different day~

Gangle and Pomni were getting ready for bed in their shared dressing room. Before putting her day's performance clothes in the laundry, Pomni took a long sniff of her coat. Sometimes, after her rendezvous with Caine, she could still smell his cologne.

Gangle saw Pomni so that while she was washing her face at her vanity. "Why do you keep doing that?"

Pomni quickly dropped the jester into the laundry and started anxiously brushing out her hair. "No real reason. Just uh, checking for any bad smells. Don't want to stink up the room." She forces a laugh.

Gangle narrowed her eyes in the mirror. "You must really enjoy bad smells. You had such an... interesting look on your face."

"It's nothing, really!" Pomni brushed faster. "Sorry, for being weird. It's just something I do." She really thought she was being subtle about it.

Gangle dropped it for now. She waited until after lights out and she heard Pomni breathing low and deep to get back up and sneak to the laundry basket. She lifted out Pomni's coat and sniffed the collar. She almost gasped out loud.

She dropped the coat and went back to bed with a mischievous smile on her face.

~different day~

Jax groaned as the joystick control over him released for the day. "Ugh, my aching back." He stretched. "Stupid kids and their stupid motor skills. They jerked me around like a ragdoll." He spotted Ragatha locking up the day care center for the night. He grinned. "Speaking of..."

Ragatha turned and bumped right into Jax. "Pardon- oh, hello Jax." She gave him a polite smile.

Jax wrapped an arm over Ragatha's shoulders and walked with her. "What's up, dollface. You throw any nasty kids out the window today?"

Ragatha gasped. "Absolutely not! I would never!" She looked around, hoping no guests were still around the circus to overhear.

Jax chuckled, speaking louder. "Of course you would! Anyone dealing with those snot-nosed brats would in a heartbeat!"

"Jax!" Ragatha stopped and was about to start lecturing him when a door opening at the end of the hallway got her attention. It was Pomni, straightening her jester coat and then walking away down another hallway that T-ed at the far end.

Once alone again to start her rant, Ragatha took a breath only to be interrupted again by the same door opening. Caine came out with an unusually bright smile on his face, and he went the other way at the T junction.

Jax smiled broader than he had in ages. "Holy [%$!$]." He didn't care if BUBLE got on to him about it later. This was a moment worth swearing for.

"Now, Jax, don't. We don't know what's in that room."

"Pretty sure that's an empty party room." Jax's smile was as strong as ever. "I gotta hand it to the old timer, scoring Pomni couldn't have been easy."

"Old- WE DON'T AGE!" Ragatha blustered. "And we don't know what we just saw. It doesn't mean anything."

"Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, dollface. This is too good." Jax rubbed his hands together.

Ragatha frowned. "Don't be mean. We're all just looking for a bit of happiness. Let them have theirs."

~different day~

Gangle and Ragatha met up after work. "I know something!" They said at the same time.

"You do? What do you know?" Ragatha asked.

"Wait, you know something?" Gangle asked back.

"Yeah, but is it the thing that you know?"

"I don't know? It might be."

"Jester Dentures?"

"Jeater Dentures!!" The girls squealed and giggled with each other.

Pomni started to notice the others looking at her differently, like they wanted to say something but would turn away or have something sudden to do if she even looked at them.

Anytime Pomni spoke to Caine in front of the others, they got weird. The stares got more intense, yet they backed off like she needed space to give her performance report to the ringmaster.

Caine noticed too. Not just from the odd behavior but Kinger and Jax both getting on his case about Pomni and how he wasn't being as subtle as he thought. It made cast meetings awkward. He could actually feel his face heat up if the others watched Pomni smile at him in meetings.

~different day~

Caine FINALLY got Pomni truly alone again after asking her to meet him in the piano room backstage in the middle of the night. He could play one key at a time without the strings trying to break his fingers, so that's what he did as he waited.

Pomni sat next to Caine on the bench seat and touched her shoulder to his. "Everyone knows."

"Yep." Caine dinged a C note.

"I thought we were careful."

"Apparently not careful enough."

Pomni watched him slowly play moonlight sonata one note at a time. "Does this mean you don't want to see me anymore?"

Caine stopped. "No. It means we need to be even more careful. Our behavior has disrupted the cast. Not so much as to affect their jobs, but BUBLE has taken notice and...given me a warning." He flexed his sore hand.

Pomni put her hand over his on the piano keys. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You're worth whatever that thing puts me through."

"Now it's my turn to say I'm not worth that." Pomni cringed thinking of what BUBLE would do if things escalated.

"I've done a lot of stupid things in my time, Pomni. Seen a lot of places. Met a lot of people. I think I have a pretty good grasp on what holds value in this world." Caine turned his head to look at her.

Pomni met his gaze expectantly.

Caine continued. "To exist is to suffer. To find meaning in the suffering is to live. You are a part of that meaning to me. I've found so much more than camaraderie or friendship in you. I found..." The word caught in his throat. The red string around his neck tightening.

"You don't have to say it." Pomni leaned in. "I found it too. In you."

Caine leaned his top jaw to her forehead and closed his eyes. Pomni interlaced her fingers with his on the piano and closed her eyes too.

[scrapyardboyfriends]

I'm not even sure why they brought Aaron back tbh

They said they wanted a villian, but that lasted all of 5 seconds, don't know if they planned beyond that.

I like him, but if you've got no plans for him, he may as well still be in France/Italy (wasn't marco italian?)

It does feel like they wanted to bring Aaron back and then get Ryan, it really all felt like it should be leading to that but they couldn't actually get Ryan back in the end.

With regards to bringing Aaron back. Without Robert or without something to pull Aaron back from his angry state, that story really did fall flat and then they just decided enough was enough and fixed it with the Chas having cancer story, which felt super lazy.

And then without having Robert back to follow up, it really feels like they didn't have any other plan for Aaron, which is why they're doing this now I guess.

Once again, if they actually cared about their characters, cared about Aaron as a fictional person, there are things to do with him without having Robert there, even if it would be easier. They still haven't bothered to really flesh out Aaron's life in the village again from what I've seen.

If I were in charge, I would actually give him friends again. I'd let him and Vic be legitimate friends again. I might have him and Billy finally properly bury the hatchet and be friends since Danny and Jai are friends in real life anyway. That way you could give Aaron screen time outside of Chas and Vinny. Let him support Billy through this Evan story for example.

I mean if we're talking supporting character, Aaron being involved in Matty's prison story would also make sense considering he's also dealt with being a queer man in prison, albeit a bit differently. Plus that's his best mate's little brother.

Then once his friends situation is sorted out, I would have him buy into the garage and return to actually using it for plot purposes. Get Aaron back in the overalls, let him interact with other villagers that way. Let him work on his relationship with Cain etc.

And then I would deal with the kids scenario. That's the one easy happy story you could do for Aaron. Now, they're not going to be able to realistically do the surrogacy story now that they gave him the faulty gene thing. So the easiest story to do would still be Seb. There's no reason they can't bring Seb back to the village, let him stay with Vic until Aaron reconnects with him and then let Aaron become his legal guardian after permission from off screen Robert in prison and Rebecca who doesn't even have to die. All they have to do is have her break up with Ross off screen and have her get overwhelmed on her own and need help. Seb can still have a relationship with her off screen. And Seb allows them to deal with the Robert of it all without having to have Robert there and always keeps that tie.

And then once he's got friends, a more on screen job and a kid, then you can try a romantic relationship, but I'd make it a friends to lovers slow burn thing so it's really as far away from the Robert of it all as possible. You know...not a Robert clone. Haha.

It's just...it's not that hard to make him a functional character if they actually cared at all. It's just that they...don't, which is sad.

[hamletthedane]

I’m a big Hamlet fan and I am curious as to what your favorite movie/for screen rendition is? I’ve been working my way through a lot of them, gone through about 7, so far Hamlet at Elsinore with Christopher Plummer is my favorite. I was just curious what yours is !

What a great question!!

Hamlet at Elsinore is definitely my favorite filmed version of the play. I feel that Christopher Plummer does a fantastic - and frankly critically underappreciated - job of portraying the more nuanced and complicated aspects of Hamlet's character while still giving a straightforward performance that's highly accessible to any audience. Notably, he doesn't treat the performance as his ~*~epic, defining role of a lifetime~*~ or ~high artistic theater~ (*cough* Branagh and Jacobi), but instead focuses on telling a deeply compelling, very moving story about the complex nature of grief and revenge. I also like that this version embraces the more "postmodern" elements that exist in the written text of Hamlet: the complicity of the audience, the inevitability of the outcome, Hamlet's genre-awareness and genre-defiance, etc.

[Not to keep hating on Branagh, but in contrast: Branagh's Hamlet in particular seems to go out of its way to avoid including the more interesting proto-postmodern thematic elements of the play - at times not seeming to recognize that they're even there. He instead focuses his time and energy on inserting new cinematography-based visual themes that go nowhere and at times stand in OPPOSITION to the actual tone and themes of the original text. Because apparently Hamlet the play is too boring and instead of lame elements like "themes" and "compelling characterization," we need a swinging chandelier sword fight scenes and Freudian weirdness. Truly the Joel Schumacher Phantom of the Opera adaptation of Shakespeare films. But I DIGRESS-)

Plus it doesn't hurt that everybody aside from Plummer in Hamlet at Elsinore is also fabulous. Obviously, Michael Caine's Horatio is the single best and most definitive version of the character in film, but I also love Robert Shaw's Claudius and Muller's Ophelia.

If we're talking favorite filmed versions of the STORY of Hamlet though, that's Asta Nielsen's silent film from 1921. It's so beautifully filmed and wonderfully told. She's what I picture when I picture Hamlet.

Other than that....I like Tennant and Stewarts' RSC filmed version well enough. It has a number of very strange choices and I don't love the re-ordering of the scenes, but Tennant does a great job with the character and I think it's a very approachable performance. A few other filmed stage versions are also excellent, though with a few similarly weird elements - I'd put Maxine Peake's version on the same tier as the RSC version. I do NOT like Branagh's version at all (if you couldn't already tell...). Jacobi's and Gibson's are slightly better, but they're still too focused on the prestige of the performance rather than the actual story being told imo. I think they fall under the same criticism as Holden Caulfield's scathing review of Laurence Olivier: "more like a general than a sad, screwed-up type guy." (Yes I know this line is an in-text authorial critique of Holden himself but also: he's right and he should say it.)

If you haven't already, I do highly recommend listening to the BBC Radio 4 audiodrama version of Hamlet, starring Jamie Parker. Despite being a audio version of a stage play, it somehow blows every filmed version of Hamlet (except maybe HAE) out of the water. I listen to it at least once a year.

Finally, my actual favorite versions of Hamlet have ALWAYS been those I've seen live (or seen bootleg filmed stage performances of lmao). If it's ever playing live near you, definitely go and see it. The play was meant to be seen on a live stage in front of you, and many of the jokes and themes only make sense in that context. In my opinion, the medium of live theater elevates the play so far beyond what a movie could ever achieve.

...sorry this answer is so long 😅 Really, it doesn't matter what my opinions on Hamlet films are. If any version of the play really speaks to you - even if it's the accursed Branagh version - that is so awesome and makes me really happy people are engaging with the play in that way! (But since you're saying that HAE is your favorite so far, I will add that you have excellent, discerning taste ;))

[aziraphales-library]

hello hello, if that possible, i'm looking for some fic where they are found in every era like the show (yeah that dumb but really needed) Thanks you

Hi. You'll want to check out our #through the ages tag for absolutely LOADS of fics like this. Here are some more to add to the enormous collection...

Have You Met My Lover by Asking_for_a_Fiend (M)

In the course of their long lives, Aziraphale and Crowley have found themselves in all sorts of uncomfortable situations.

And pretending that they are a couple was a solution to exactly five of them.

This is the story of those five occasions.

there are going to be a lot of hugs in this one by IneffableDoll (T)

Over 6000 years of human history, Aziraphale and Crowley hug. A lot. That's it. *** 20 days of hugs for an impromptu fluffy time challenge on the Ace Omens Discord server. Expect hurt/comfort, occasional touches of angst, humor, and enough fluff to keep me in Soft Jail for a long time. FLUFF, y'all.

He's Not My Friend by CopperBeech (T)

He didn’t need a meal with the angel, or oysters. But it was a novelty, and Crowley loved novelty. Even in Heaven no one had liked him. It was a meaningless concept Upstairs. Since becoming corporeal he’d found there were things he liked – wine, sun, warmth – but they were things, indifferent to his existence.

The angel was like wine and sun and warmth that liked him back. That guileless smile. That flush on the smile-plumped cheeks.

The angel was an idiot. But it would pass the time.

A poem, or a suite of music with recurring motifs, or a meditation on holding hands.

Holy Water by IOMT666 (T)

Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship through the ages. Our boys aren't just bad at figuring out what they're feeling. They are BEYOND bad at communicating with one another. Fair amount of angst. Happy ending.

The Other Testament by CassandraLie (T)

There was another book, its tales so contradictory to their traditional tellings, that it couldn’t even be counted among the books known as the Infamous Bibles. In fact, this book could hardly be considered a bible at all.

No, it was more like a love story.

Four thousand years of a six thousand year slow burn between an angel and a demon with mutual 'friends' (assignments), like Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, and even Jesus of Nazareth (before he got famous and took his stage name).

All the jobs Aziraphale and Crowley (Crawley, for most of the four millennia) managed to bungle, or just skip out on altogether. And all the reasons they were omitted from the Good Book (though not the better book, Good Omens).

As the note delivered to Death by the International Express Man read, Come and See...

Do You Know What Eternity Is? by Elderly_Worm (T)

Aziraphale frowned. "What you’re saying, then, is that discorporating you would cause more temptations in the end?” “That’s exactly what I’m saying. Not to mention, they’d be better quality, more efficient temptations. And possibly more violent. A lot of Demons really enjoy that sort of thing.” “And you don’t?” asked Aziraphale, softly. “Oh.” Crawly blinked. “Erm. No, I mean, I really like violence. Big violence-er, me. Always calling for more violence in Hell. I like a good flaying, y’know. All that. Screaming. Er.” “Indeed,” said the Angel. Bless it.

-

This story follows Aziraphale and Crowley's experiences from Eden to the failed Apocalypse, with one scene per decade, every decade, for the entire 6,000 years. I drew predominantly from show canon, with elements of book canon, as well as Biblical and historical inspiration.

- Mod D

[gamesception]

Sception Reads Cass Cain #37

Batgirl (2000) #17 - August 2001 Writer: Kelley Puckett Pencils: Damion Scott inks: Robert Campanella Colors: Jason Wright

Cass's book as been pretty downbeat for the last few issues. The tone of Cass's book overall is pretty sad and heavy, and normally I'm all about that angst, but the book can't live on angst alone, so have to have some brighter moments for contrast, you've gotta take the pressure off every once in a while if you want to keep building it or you just burn out the scale. So this issue brings us a refreshing change of pace, if only to give Cass and the reader a bit of a breather.

Sorry if this one goes up late. I'm running behind time wise, but I don't want to take a minimal approach to this issue, it's pretty important and has a lot of great moments. Do pease read it for yourself first, though.

The issue starts with this pretty cool sequence showing Cass's perspective as she gets distracted by the woman running away and lets this random goon land a punch on her. I like how the slideshow effect of the three repeated panels really emphasizes how much time Cass had to dodge this punch.

Followed by this great 'like father like daughter moment after she knocks the guy out where Cass and Bruce both have the same surprised and befuddled "Hmm" reaction to what just happened, with the same expression on their face and everything.

The perfectly synchronized training afterwords is also great, as is Bruce's worried expression. I can't keep copying every page over, we'll be here all day, but this issue really is great. One of my favorites. Again, go read it for yourself if you haven't.

Anyway, on the one hand this is such an indictment of Bruce. We the audience know that 'somethings been wrong' with Cass for a while, basically the entire time. She's consumed by guilt to a near suicidal degree and the loneliness and isolation of her lifestyle - even before she was forced out of Bab's clock tower but especially since - has left her without any companionship beyond her own self destructive thoughts, and the mission she's so dedicated to as her only hope of redemption continuously exposes her to the worst of humanity. So yeah, that Bruce didn't already know something was wrong, that he didn't anticipate how his decisions were making things worse, that he only notices that anything's off at all once Cass's mental state is bad enough that it's affecting her performance on the job? Yeah, that's pretty bad, if also so completely him.

On the other hand, you can see the concern all over his face. He should have seen this coming, he should have noticed it sooner, but now that he has he is very genuinely worried on her behalf, and that does count for something, even if he'll need help figuring out what's wrong or what to do about it.

And that help just so happens to call in the form of Barbara Gordon, who can hack in to delete the government's digital records on Cass's face, but needs her to sneak in and destroy the physical records.

At first Cass and Bruce don't feel like this is worth bothering with, as neither sees any value in her potential future civilian persona worth taking this risk to get it back, but Babs points out how they might yet connect the data they have to Batgirl and that convinces Bruce, which in turn convinces Cassandra because she absolutely does not think for herself these days.

I love this Jab Babs gets in at Bruce as Cass leaves, though I do wish it was made a bit more explicit that the *reason* Bruce has been keeping Cass on such a 'short leash' is that he doesn't fully trust her ever since David sent the video of her killing that man way back in issue number 4. On the surface Bruce is still deep in denial over it, but some part of it has to know, has to doubt at least. As is I'm pretty sure that's intentional subtext but because it's not explicit in the text I could just be reading in something that isn't really there.

In infiltration mission is pretty cool, starting with this sequence where Cass steals a key card off of a guard's bead chain, copies it, and puts it back without him noticing, which has Barbara admitting that the 'short leash' is starting to make sense. Just what exactly would Cass be capable of if she were allowed to run free?

....

The mission is successful, the files and physical evidence destroyed, and Cass's out-of-costume persona is free and clear. She can visit Barbara again, can see the sun again. Can. But will she?

Babs clearly doesn't think she will, at least not on her own, and so she goes to Bruce about it

It's a nice scene. I've missed Bab's presence in Cass's book the last few issues. This 'arguing over what's best for Cass' bit is fun, and also important characterization. I love how Bruce's expression as he says "Mole creature?" makes clear that he recognizes Bab's comment as a criticism of him and his lifestyle.

Of course, Bruce has a different idea of what's been bothering Cass. Not the isolation, not how /he's/ been treating her, but the mission. Everything's the mission for Bruce, and Cass is just like Bruce after all. The thing is, as right as Barbara clearly is here, Bruce probably isn't wrong either. Cass, like Bruce, dwells on her 'failures'. But taking down the villain responsible never actually makes Bruce feel any better.

Barbara still presses him to just order Cass to get some sun. The fact that she shouldn't need Bruce to tell her to do that, that this level of devotion and lack of independent motivation is a bad thing in and of it self, is too big of a problem to tackle today.

And to his credit Bruce relents!

I love these panels. You can feel how overwhelming the light is after so long in the darkness. Also good work from the colorist, showing this transition by going from all dark and cool colors that dominate her book to these warm (but washed out and too bright as her eyes struggle to adjust) colors. I mean, it's a fairly obvious trick, like being wowed when a musician changes chords, but it just works so well here.

And it's not just the sun, it's the people. Not just cass literally going from darkness to light but also going from being surrounded by victims and criminals, by the suffering and the cruel, and emerging into a wider world full of all the breadth and diversity of the human experience, loud happy annoyed worried people walking and running and shouting and living their lives that Scott does such a great job conveying with just a single page full of different and interesting faces.

And afterwards she's so happy, having picked up a rose from, somewhere, we don't see that bit. But of course Bruce needs to interrupt this moment of happiness.

So Cass does go to confront gov't man.

but clearly she doesn't actually feel better about what happened afterwords.

Her symbolism happiness rose, only so recently acquired, is already wilting. It's clearly not the sort of thing she can go to Bruce about. So, for once, now that she can, Cass actually reaches out to Barbara for help. About the rose. About what it means that getting justice for repentant sniper man's death didn't make her feel any better about it.

It's a great little scene to end out the comic. Symbolism's a bit on the nose, but it works. it's sincere.

The angst and darkness of the last few issues has been a lot, but it makes this bit of brightness feel all the more impactful. The underlying issues aren't resolved, it's still a problem that Cass has basically slotted Bruce into exactly the same unhealthy role that David used to occupy in her life. It's still a problem that Bruce let her do that. A real confrontation when Bruce can no longer deny the fact that she killed someone is still looming, as is her death match with Lady Shiva. But she's not quite so isolated now, and she's re-established a connection with someone who might actually be able to help her work through some of this stuff.

This might be the issue that best demonstrates the importance of Barbara Gordon in Cass's story, the key role she plays balancing out Bruce's influence. these interpersonal relationships and how they feed off each other - Cass/Bruce/David, Cass/Bruce/Barbara, they're the core of what makes Cass's book and Cass as a character so compelling.

......

Side note: I've waffled in the past over how much crediting to put at the start of each of these posts in terms whether to include inker and/or colorist even though I rarely comment on those issues. I'm wondering if I should also list the editor each time, as they also potentially have a pretty big say over what does or doesn't end up in the books, and keeping track of changing editors might be informative as to other changes in direction, or might show why some of Cass's side appearances work better than others?

For the Record, at least as far as her solo book goes, the editor as of issue 17 is Michael Wright, who took over from Dennis O'Neil starting in issue 14, the one where Bruce moved Cass out of Barbara's clock tower and into her own cave. Dennis O'Neil had been the editor of the book since issue 3 and co-edited issue 2 with Darren Vincenzo, who was the editor for issue 1. I think Michael Wright stays as editor for the rest of Cass's Batgirl run, save maybe for some one off exceptions here or there? So noting editors would be more for the sake of guest appearances.

There's also the issue of who's in charge at DC. As of issue 17 that's still Jenette Khan as President and Editor in Chief, but eventually Dan DiDio takes over, and it'll be worth noting when that happens. The fandom tends to assign him a lot of the blame for 'ruining' Cass's character, but as mentioned a few times already they also tend to date that downturn purely to the end of her ongoing title and heel turn in 'One Year Later.' I claim the decline started setting in much sooner then that, but I don't remember whether it started before or after DiDio's tenure as EIC began.

That's still a long way off from where this blog currently is, though.

Thankfully.

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Little Thieves

First posted: August 1, 2018

Focuses on: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, and Cassandra Cain

Tier: In the bottom half, for sure. I'd say bottom fourth, but it's been around long enough that's it's gathered at least some hits and kudos.

This is my "behind the scenes" series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

Another BatFam Week entry. I don't remember if this one had a specific origin, beyond a general melange of other fics that dabbled in AUs and/or Jason and Cass being twinsies.

The first time Bruce saw the little thief, the brat was three tires into the Batmobile and working on the fourth.

Piqued Bruce is always funny to me. Outwardly he's stoic, inwardly he's an emoji factory.

As always (for me), the logistics were the tricky part—thinking through how Bruce could have met Jason without Cass first, how they could've followed their original path to a point before it needed to deviate sharply but still make sense. I don't like fics that don't make sense.

He turned toward the door and spoke as he stepped out into the hall, “Turn right out of the door, take the first staircase you see, and then turn left through the swinging door. Dining room’s right there, can’t miss it. See you in fifteen, Jason.”

I had to sit and mentally walk through how I "saw" the Manor in my head. Do you know how much I hate doing that? Spaces are my bane. Don't describe spaces to me, I won't picture them.

When Bruce checked on Jason in the night and found the window open and the guest room empty, he was only a little surprised. He was more surprised by the thanks carefully printed on the paper left in the center of the bed atop a neatly folded pile of clothes.

You know what I love, though? Baby Jason. He's a hypervigilant and traumatized kid, but he's got manners! He knew Bruce didn't mean him any harm and didn't have to give him dinner but did anyways.

“That’s not food. That’s packing peanuts and caulk disguised as food.” Sometimes the line between Bruce and Batman was thinner than even Bruce himself realized.

Bruce and Batman... Bruce and Alfred...

And that was when the absent tire iron came whistling through the dark and struck Bruce in the back of the knees.

Cassandra Cain in any universe is a ballsy little firecracker.

What Bruce saw next was a head of short, spiky black hair, its face turned away from him.

Figuring out what Cass might look like in this universe was fun. Keeping feminine hair, even in a chin-length bob, didn't seem practical for multiple reasons. But a boyish hack job, maybe done by Jason? That made sense.

It felt like a track skipping in Bruce’s head. One second he was lurking in a dark bathroom; the next, he was in a fluorescent-lit exam room, looming over Jason’s prone body.

Sometimes my vision physically judders when I'm mad enough. I figured seeing a child—one he knows—beat to a pulp would do that for Bruce, but worse.

Bruce took another step forward, then stopped as his armor tapped against the knife leveled at his abdomen. He looked down. The other child stood between him and Jason, a serrated blade the length of their hand lifted to block his path. Their eyes locked on Bruce’s, dark and determined. The left half of their face was speckled with a fine mist of blood, the color counterbalancing the angry bruise on the opposite cheek bone.

Cassandra Cain. Ballsy. As. Heck. no matter the universe. She absolutely would have gone for Bruce's face if he'd pushed it.

“And that one,” Leslie continued, pointing at the silent one, “dove in to the scrum and pulled him out.”

I love the way I wrote them. It's very Kaz and Inej but with sibling loyalty and without the emotional constipation.

“Can she hear me?” Bruce asked, when Jason didn’t answer. Jason nodded. “She’s not deaf. She just doesn’t talk.”

That, though, that's Angels in the Outfield. Wonderful movie.

“Are you sure this is a wise idea, Master Bruce?” Alfred asked as they watched Leslie’s headlights pull up the long driveway. “No. But I’m sure it’ll be fine, Alfred. What could happen?”

I literally had A Plan. I knew how I wanted to deal with their arrival, with them figuring out Bruce was Batman, Dick, their teen years, "Death in the Family", all of it. Alas.

[applesontheground]

your own prometheus 💉

CHAPTER FOUR you don’t know my mind, you don’t know my kind | AO3

SFW | Word Count: 4,072 |  Herbert West x GN Reader x Daniel Cain

contains canon typical/canon death mention

⬅ continued from go on, moron ➡ continued in salvation comes only in our dreams

“Superior vena cava. A vein that carries the blood from the brain into the top of the right atrium – located in the heart.”

You strode past a lecture well into motion, papers tucked close to your chest and eyes glued ahead; yet you listened with just as much intent as the students, lost in the diagram being painted in your head. It was rough, something you only formed based on what you thought a vein connecting across a body would look like, but all the well aware that you weren’t quite sure that it was how it truly looked. Stopping by a file cabinet in the room, you gave a brief glance over your shoulder at the doctor speaking to a small group of students, and when he only waved at you, it was enough clearance for you to start to file, sliding your missing pieces into different folders for the hospital to access should they need them.

“These are what’s known, class, as central veins. Helps blood pass between vital organs. Without this third element, these two of course wouldn’t function. An open way for blood to flow between these two are absolutely necessary – and thus must be prioritized when there are cuts near the jugular, or for similar injuries.” Entranced, you had completely paused in your paper pushing. When you heard him take a longer pause, though, you quickly closed the cabinet and hurried back out.

As soon as you had turned back into the corridor, though, you had fallen right into collision with another. You careened your body backwards, nearly lost control of the papers in the process, but when you met eyes with him your grip became iron tight, recognizing the silver wire frame of his glasses, short dark hair that was properly styled, and those scrutinizing eyes that stung similarly to the concoction you had come face to face with the night before. Much like that, you were unsure what lie beneath the surface of its color.

“Herbert.” You caught your startled posture as you greeted him, “Apologies, I was just in a hurry.” He gave you a slow look up and down, and before you could push past again, he glanced at the documents in your hand with a careful turn of his head.

“I don’t believe that those go to that room. That’s not even all-access for anyone outside the hospital.” He pointed out. You furrowed your brow, unsure if he was simply irate or furiously interested in the answer to his next question as he met your eyes again, “How did you get in there?”

You paused, but with a meek glance down the hall you hissed breath in and answered quietly, “I was given access.”

“I don’t believe you.”

You rolled your eyes and decided to flash the demeanor back as you thinly muttered, “First, I get yelled at for walking around the house I help pay rent for, and now you’re here telling me how to do my job? One I’ve been doing for five years?” He shook his head, more confused than angry as he explained, “I’m not doing that. I just know where you need to be for those kinds of record returns, and it’s certainly not in there. You’re rather good at finding yourself in places you shouldn’t be.” When you only gave him a hollow stare, he asked, “Is that the only room you have unusual access to?”

You knotted your brow, but before either of you could keep going there was someone standing off at the other end of the corridor that made your eyes wander, looking beyond Herbert’s shoulder and feeling the wind sucked from your sails.

Dyer. You straightened up as he sauntered your way, holding the papers closer to your body and trying not to frown too obviously. Herbert was lost again, just as confused as he had been at the sight of you leaving the room, but before he could press the man approaching laughed out, “If it isn’t [Y/N]. Seems like you and I make our trips here at the same time.”

You forced a smile, seeing Herbert look to him over his shoulder as the officer strode up to stand beside the two of you. “It seems so.” You chimed, “How are you?”

“Fine, you look great today.” Jesus, not even trying to underhand it. Your smile was even more rigid as you let a painful chuckle sit in your throat. Off to your side and in the middle of it, Herbert was looking in with a face you could only describe as annoyance to a scalding degree. Luckily, it wasn’t aimed at you for a change. Dyer took note, eyes sliding over to him. You saw the twitch in his brow; he knew who the man was, but still asked with a grin and a shake of his finger, “You must be…Dr. Herbert West, right?”

“Yes.” He answered sharply, and you abruptly averted your gaze to the wall, adjusting on your feet as the discomfort surged through your body. Dyer set his hand on his hip, sounding charmed as he rambled, “Thought so, didn’t think I’d see your face around here after all the ruckus you caused back in the day. How long has it been since you were a student here now? Four, five years ago?”

“Something of that nature.” Herbert’s voice, cold and aimed to demean whoever was caught under its scrutiny, was for once the thing that helped keep you centered while in the unpleasant aura of the exchange. You stared curiously, feeling like the outsider yourself as Dyer went on, “Yes, that sounds about right. I was just a morning guard around then. We must’ve run into each other a few times.”

Herbert shook his head briefly, “I don’t believe I recall, officer…” He trailed off; his voice lost but eyes still steadfast on him. Dyer nodded, understanding the tone as he replied, “Dyer. James Dyer to you if we’re going to remove the formality. We’re all friends here, right?” He was trying to laugh it off, but a flicker of disappointment waned in his eyes as they slid back over to yours, a hazel hue making you swallow anxiously. “Anyways, you seem to be busy today? All over the place, finding papers and sorting them, what have you.” He nodded pensively, trying to make it sound interesting.

“Well,” You shrugged, “It’s easy when no one stops and asks what you’re doing.” A hard glance from the man in the middle made you bite back a chuckle, a smile crawling back over your face rather easily as the officer huffed in bemused laughter.

“That’s a slick one,” He sighed, “You’re good at those.”

“Almost as slick as your hair today, officer.” Herbert pointed out. Your eyes widened, and in a swift motion you looked down at the pages in your hands, a purse of your lips hiding the smile on your face. He took it as enough of a sign to finally turn away, but before he turned away, he muttered, “Oh, [little lady/buddy/my friend], remind me to meet with you here sometime next week when I’m back this way. I have something to show you.”

“Oh, and what would that be?” You hid your smile with an itch of your upper lip, avoiding eye contact with Herbert to keep from breaking. Dyer shrugged and giving one more testy glance to your friend he chirped, “Let’s call it a surprise.”

When he finally turned to walk, an honest expression fell back on your face, eyes hard as you twinged at the linger of his abrasive cologne. Herbert was now closed in on one side, staring a hole into your temple. Expecting another spout of his criticism to make you feel even more sideways, you frowned at him when you finally turned your head, but then he spoke with that same uncertain tone you had heard that night in the basement. “You’re not…”

You gave him a level stare, no longer glaring and turning your head to line up better with his so you could look him honestly in the eyes, basking in the olive green plea that you were finding before you. “What? Of course not.” You whispered, “You and I have our disagreements, but let me be clear right now-“ You pointed after the officer walking back down the hall, waving at a nurse going the same direction he was. The words came as a shudder in his ear, “I wouldn’t tell him about anything that I’ve seen – even if he asked me directly. He doesn’t call himself one, but a cop’s a cop.” You nodded at him with a clenched jaw, seeing him only stare on as you uncomfortably rocked on your heels one last time, “I made you a promise, Herbert. Now leave me to keep it.”

Before he could answer, you walked off with a throb in your head and a lingering cloud of stress so strong that you couldn’t hear anything around you outside of a foggy murmur. It was one thing to argue with a contrary roommate, but preferred tenfold over the abrasive bastard.

Neither men were your friend, it seemed, but at least Herbert was honest about it.

This piece was coming together fast. Faster than anything you had worked on in a while.

While you had come home with a headache powerful enough to bolt you to the couch for the rest of the afternoon, watching some mindless program on the television and nursing Ibuprofen like it was going to save you from the pitfalls of life, your hands had other ideas. Using a nearby medical book that Herbert and Dan would often leave out, you were pulling inspiration in the form of some damn good references of the cardiovascular system.

The outline of the body was the easiest part with a brush-tip pen, but when you took a red colored pencil and began lightly feathering lines underneath the ink lines, drawing what you thought a pretty solid superior vena cava may look like, then peppering more around it like tree branches. Again, accuracy wasn’t important to you – the vision was, more than anything as you connected where a heart would lie in the body and trailed it up the neck, through the head…

You looked up at the TV idly droning for half a second, and he was in the doorway watching you. Flinching, you dropped your pencil as you stared up from where you were on the floor. Herbert fought a smirk, and observed, “That’s an awfully cramp place to sit.”

Fumbling with your hand for the lost pencil without looking away, you asked, “Can I help you? Usually, I don’t even know whether or not you’re alive down there. It’s nice of you to give me a sign.” He stepped around the table, and you pushed off the floor and onto the sofa, embarrassed enough to halt what you were doing entirely. You didn’t need to be anything below belt-level with him, after all, already having to still peer up from where he stood. He looked out the window, and before you could recognize he was checking for Dan’s car he asked, “Was there a memo given to you some time in the past week?”

An attitude bit you on the tongue, but you didn’t find much reason to let a lie cover you when there was already so much of it. Someone had to clear the smoke, so you replied, “Well, Dan told you I did. Why?”

“What do you know?” He asked, making you glance around the room with an uneasy breath in. He elaborated, “I have a feeling that you now think the body parts downstairs may be attributed to something along the lines.”

“Are they?” You hunched your shoulders, trying to sound tough but feeling the terror of what he could possibly answer with crawling like bile in your throat. You took another deep breath and seethed, “Dan’s covering for you, telling me you got them with permission from Miskatonic. Is that right?”

“What were you drawing?” He then asked, looking down at your closed book and noticing the way you set the colored pencil within the spine of the open medical book. You asked again, “Herbert, can you answer me? I’ve been losing sleep wondering if you’re stealing people from the hospital, and I-“

His eyes snapped back to you, that same tightly wound scowl on his face that he knew shot you down as he prodded, “Are you scared?”

Taken back by the question, you stammered, “…Sh-should I be?”

The silence made your hand brace the coffee table, trying not to latch onto the diagram you had been pulling from, scalding under the blank eyes of an illustration. They could’ve very well served as a reprieve from the way the real man was looking at you, and the way he still hesitated only made things settle on the horizon of your mind. You had to have been right in some of these assumptions, but neither of you knew how the other would sit should they be answered.

Herbert finally stated, rolling his neck slightly, “It all goes towards a cause bigger than you could even anticipate, [Y/N].”

Your eyebrows shot up again, aching from the constant furrows and releases as you clarified, “So, you are taking them without anyone’s permission…” You swallowed nervously, looking out the window with a peer over your shoulder as you hummed, “And you do know my name.”

“Your badge was on the counter.” When he tried to smile at his own admittance, you didn’t budge, hands curling against your knees to hold onto something. Herbert then cleared his throat, “I don’t think you’re scared, but maybe a better word would be curious.” He sounded unsure for once, one hand on his wrist to rub at his watch, but he moved on with it with another glance at you. “Am I wrong?”

“I mean-“

He spoke in that strict tone again, running through the list, “Whenever there’s lectures in the hall, I always find you in the same room, idly listening while merely appearing busy. I hear you ask Dan what he did during the day, and the more morbid he gets... Well, it shows in your work, in your eyes – and I didn’t miss your attention towards the basement either.” You winced, hearing him speak in an insistent way, like he knew what it all meant, like your actions ever made sense. “You aren’t afraid of these sights. Intimidated, perhaps, but like any sensible person-” He smirked again, “All it needs is a little nudge.”

Giving him a frown and a nervous rattle of your head, the smirk fell and he glared across the room. You then argued, “Look, I’m not cut out to…mess with the human body, or whatever the hell you’re suggesting. I’ve known that since I started walking the halls of hospitals, and especially now that I live with not one, but two doctors.” You scoffed at yourself, staring at the floor as your hands slipped to hang between your knees. “It’s not me.”

Herbert furrowed his brow and replied, “Nonsense, Daniel barely studied and he still managed to keep up.” The laugh slipping from your mouth even caught you off guard, but you quickly curbed yourself and scolded him, “That’s not nice. Dan told me he worked hard to get through medical school.”

“Of course he did, but not with hitting the books. Half the time, he didn’t even study when he opened them. He was too busy having his idle affairs with Meg, then other women after she passed.” Your jaw dropped, a sinking balloon that served as your heart being the realization and the question wanting to escape immediately despite the way it all caught in your throat as your brain stumbled. Dan stopped dating Meg because she died?

Dan hadn’t said a word about it, and you soon pieced together flashes of how defeated his voice had been even that week when she had come up in the idle conversation. You hid the shock by looking at your lap, eyes tracing the seams of your pants just to keep the thoughts from swallowing you into a whirlwind. Herbert insisted despite the look on your face, “Yes, I know all about it. I was there.”

You finally sighed, “Sure, but…” Looking up again, you eased, “I’m not the person you’re looking for, Herbert. Really, no one would think it a good idea if I tried to-“

“Who?” Herbert prodded, making you fall quiet. “You?” When you looked down again, he went on, “Dan?” Words wilted on your tongue, and he then took the spot next to you in a careful movement, the old sofa creaking ever so slightly. He asked like someone could hear, voice fragile in tone but not needing to be loud anyways. Not when his glasses were nearly poking against your brow.

“[Y/N], do you want to help me?”

“Herbert?”

It wasn’t you who spoke his name that time. Both of you looked up to see Dan in the doorway, having come in through the back and looking a little sick at the scene before him. You opened your mouth to answer, rushing to try and hide the conversation should he have caught anything, but Herbert was a step ahead of you. Blocking the line of sight by positioning in front of you when he stood up, he answered, “What is it, Dan?”

“I was just bringing the trash can back in, so I came from the back of the house. Did I walk in on something?” The other man asked, his thoughtful eyes diverting the blockade of Herbert and trying to read your expression. He knew you were not so keen to hide the way your hands were shaking, fidgeting against your own cuticles to pick because they had nowhere else to scratch. You shook your head at him, blinking a bit too rapidly, and Herbert backed you up, “I was asking [him/her/them] if [he/she/they] had seen an old file I had kept around the house. I think it’s just misplaced.”

He still didn’t look sure. When both of their backs were turned to retreat down the hall again, Dan already gesturing at something out of sight, you shot up and towards your quarters in the corridor across the room, parallel from the basement. It was especially enough distance tonight, and you ignored the halfhearted call of your name from Dan while you slipped out of sight without a second look back or a word that you were turning in.

That same swimming pain was back tenfold, making you cover your eyes despite your room being dark from pulled curtains. This was going to be your haven for the long night ahead.

Laying down didn’t do much, but you were at least a little more comfortable. Herbert had opened more doors than you could possibly close before the end of the night, and while you just wanted to drown in sleep with a duvet pulled all around your body, there was a new question rushing through your mind with every deep breath through your lungs.

Why did he care where I was today? While he hadn’t particularly shown interest in you in the beginning, the shift had to be for something. Was it all just because he liked your diagrams? Art spoke to people for different ways, sure, but he didn’t come off as the type. If anything, he only regarded it as something to use for his own means, make better sense of his own research. It had been almost five months since you met him, and he didn’t even know your name unless it was quite literally printed over your chest. Might as well have been stapled to your fucking forehead. [Y/N] [L/N]: Remember, someone that you share a morgue-shaped house with.

Despite that, this was a night where he was so close to being honest with you. These answers you wanted were still sitting alive in your head, scratching on the walls of your skull. If he wasn’t going to give them to you, Dyer could. That’s what that surprise he mentioned earlier had to be, right?

Were you ready?

Noises coming from under the house crept up through the vents of your room, almost as though they reverberated along the floorboards. Dan and Herbert were arguing, which wasn’t uncommon but something different was laced in this time. The remnants of what you could hear made you claw to the edge of the mattress and hang your head off the side of the bed, listening to the vent under your window just a few paces away.

“I didn’t do anything to [him/her/them]. I was asking about the memo.”

“How long are we going to do this?”

“Do what, Dan? I don’t think there’s anything about the matter we should do.”

“Stop it. I can’t keep doing this. You don’t think [he/she knows / they know], do you?”

A sudden slam cut their conversation short, and you pulled your head back up and shoved it back into your pillow. Great, now I’m starting fights. There was always an odd chemistry that you wove in and out of when it came to them, but now that you were being put in the middle of a tug-of-war between having all these puzzle pieces that didn’t fit and one wrong slip from making them fit together nicely, you felt it taking a toll on the entire household. If even they had started to argue from it, there was only going to be a stranger fit should you ever be brought into the light.

Could you handle the reality of this? Could you fit in between them?

Would they let you?

You scrubbed the thought, but you knew that facing the truth was something that had to happen. Like pressure being applied against your throat, you felt that one domino just out of sight, the one truth that would send the entire visage to the floor. Everything you knew about Dan was coming unraveled even, learning Meg was dead from just one mere mention that no one had ever gone to before. Even with the nature of your job, you eventually found things out about people whether you wanted to or not. The legal battles when people would pass without a will in place, the insurance discrepancies that could send people into debt, ruin lives… It tolled on you, but it was the living you had found managed with you for the time. Even if they wouldn’t tell you themselves, you’d soon know what Herbert West had to do with that memo, and what Daniel Cain was lying to you about.

Or, You shuddered to yourself, You’d find out about the Miskatonic massacre.

You turned over in bed, closing your eyes finally and letting your body deflate into the mattress, an old stuffed animal under one arm. No one knew you still slept with one, but right now it was something to pull close to your chest, provide comfort from…

From…

Your eyes snapped open again. From the fact that the trash can never sat out by the back door.

Before you could sit up, start wondering what the fresh hell Dan had been doing coming in that way and why he looked sick even before he realized you and Herbert had been speaking privately when that had never happened in the run of you two being his roommates, you heard shoes come down the hall. Staying put, your door opened and the blood drained from your face, settling in a puddle in the pit of your soul that made you want to hurl.

You watched from the corner of one eye, appearing as splayed out and limp as you could while a hand snuck in from the stretch of light peeking through an open door. It found your knob, turned the lock from the inside, and just as quick as it had come in slipped out and closed it again.

The vents shook with a howl, one that didn’t belong to either man and made you flinch again, wide awake despite your bones feeling like lead and a dread settling under your skin as you tried to hide in your blankets.

At least your door was locked. They had made sure of it.

[casmick-consequences]

Cas&Dean VS Claire&Jack

So I wrote [a small little theory] a while ago as to why I think Claire and Jack wouldn’t have been shown on screen together/have any connection throughout the show on-screen/off-screen at all. And so here I will some points as to why I think that is. 

AKA here’s the long awaited essay/conspiracy theory y’all have been asking for.

First of all; let me start off by saying this is 100% meant as a joke (no it’s not) and it’s not to be taken seriously (yes it is) as it’s literally just a dumb theory (it definitely isn’t). And second; fuck the C*W for contributing to every little bit of tinhatting this fandom (especially us hellers) has succumbed to.

-

Now; for this theory we have to understand a few things:

How Dean and Cas work as individuals

How Claire and Jack work as individuals

How Dean and Cas work as a duo

Let’s start with the first two things.

How Dean and Cas work as individuals

Dean Winchester is a masculine, tough but loving hunter. He cultivates a “bad-boy personality”, and makes sarcastic jokes at even the most morbid times. Underneath, though, he's become hardened by life as a warrior (as Daddy’s blunt instrument, if you will). He’s been taught to fight his father’s battles, and protect the ones he loves and cares for. But soon began to see that neither of his parents (especially his dad) did the job they were given when they had children. He didn’t just have to be a brother; he had to be a father and mother. He’s had to grow walls around him to stay strong for his little brother, but over time, after making a family for himself, it became easier to tear those walls down. However, he has his weak spots and is an emotional and loving human being through and through.

Castiel, the Angel of Thursday, is an angel of the Lord. He’s lived for aeons, and as an angel has (just like Dean) been taught to fight the battles of his creator and father. He’s a warrior, and he’s been given the job to follow the orders of said creator. Only for those orders to be thrown out the window once he meets Dean Winchester. The man who showed him that hate and anger isn’t always the true answer and that you can choose to be good. Everything that he has been taught slowly breaks away as his hard exterior crumbles, and he develops into a being with emotions, as he slowly but eventually learns to love and care for this man, and with that; humanity.

How Claire and Jack work as individuals

Claire Novak, a woman who has lead a tragic life, where she lost both her parents early on. Her father said yes to be the (permanent) vessel of an Angel, and her mother just disappeared after dropping her off to her Grandmother. After the grandmother had passed away, she was left alone. She had to fight through the world on her own, as she put a wall around herself to make herself stronger for the people around her. It took a while before she found her place in a loving family filled with strong women, who didn’t just help bring her walls down, but build a home instead.

Jack Kline is an innocent, naive but loving Nephilim. The son of the human Kelly Kline and the archangel Lucifer. He was destined for evil, as a Nephilim is one of the most powerful creatures in existence. But, with the help of his three Godfathers (heh), he learns that he doesn’t have to be evil. He can be whatever he wants to be. Controlling his powers has been hard, but no matter what happened, his mindset never changed as he grew to love the people and love the things around him. His biological father saw his power, but his chosen father saw his kind soul. Castiel believed he could create paradise, and he did, as he became the God that the universe deserved.

There are alot of parallels between Dean/Claire and Jack/Cas that can be compared to here. Let me show you a few:

So we’ve established that with Claire being Dean-coded, and Jack being Cas-coded, there could’ve definitely been potential for a cute Claire/Jack dynamic in the show. Why wouldn’t they have done that, you think? Perhaps this question can be answered when we look at thing number 3:

How Dean and Cas work as a duo

Destiel is the relationship between the hunter Dean and the angel Castiel. Castiel was ordered by God to free him from Hell, and afterwards he was supposed to do as he was told while Dean was supposed to figure out how to “stop the apocalypse” which happened to be a bunch of garbo afterwards knowing what we know now. Nonetheless, Castiel didn’t listen, as he quickly grew fond of the hunter and, because of him, developed a sense of emotion and free will. This lead to Castiel helping Dean throughout the Apocalypse, and beyond, and they’ve been best friends ever since.

There have been MULTIPLE essays on Tumblr about how this relationship works, and it would be silly of me to try and summarize stuff that hasn’t been said a million times already. But basically; What they have is quite a bit more than best friendship. It has been confirmed in 15x18, Despair, that Castiel has been in love with Dean for quite some time, as Dean’s own feelings are kind of all over the place. Nothing has been confirmed, yet nothing has been denied. But, seeing as all the insane things Dean has done for/because of/regarding Castiel... for instance:

defended his behavior to his brother and father when neither trusted him in season 6

kept his trenchcoat when he “died” in season 7, and keeping it with him in the trunk of his car(s) for the entirety of Castiel’s absence.

absolutely despises angels, and hates praying, yet he only ever prays to Castiel when he needs anything because he’s the only one he trusts

couldn’t get his mind of of him when he was possessed by Lucifer, and later taken by Amara in season 11

Has Castiel being referred to as his Colette by Cain (subtext but not really subtext because it was so incredibly obvious)

was supposed to be completely enamored by Amara and was supposed to be so hypnotizingly attracted to her that he couldn’t focus on anything else, yet he called out for Castiel’s name when it came down to it (aka the equivalent of calling out someone else’s name during sex) 

keeps looking at him like that

acted like a grieving widow when Castiel died in season 13

gets down on his knees to pray to, cry for and apologize to Castiel in Purgatory when there’s millions of creatures hunting his ass

...it’s easy to say that this is more than just a “brotherly friendship” between the two. There is dialogue that would NOT have worked between Sam/Cas because it would’ve felt weird. I wonder why.

So now to get back on topic; why is it that we’ve never seen Claire and Jack on screen together?

Is it because the writers didn’t have time to put them together in any given scenario whatsoever? Is it because the writers didn’t care enough for Claire to give her some more airtime with the boys? 

Or is it perhaps that if there was a possibility that they’d be on screen together, that they’d have a very similar (if not the same) connection to one another as Dean and Cas, only written as an actual little brother/big sister friendship dynamic?

-

So yes, TL;DR: the actual reason that Claire and Jack never met is because they would’ve had the exact same dynamic as Dean and Cas, but in this case platonic. Which would’ve meant that the audience would’ve seen a clear difference between the Dean/Cas dynamic and Claire/Jack dynamic, and it would’ve shown that the way they’ve been writing and directing the Dean/Cas scenes is romantic.

thank you very much, and I bid thee a very good night. <3

[eorzean-tale]

Unsung Prompts - July 2022 - Left Behind

He didn’t so much lower his hand from his ear as letting it fall down, the force of it yanking on his shoulder when it dropped. L’rkah had been having a good day until now, happily working on the myriad of chores and jobs that needed doing around the tribe. With L’sahali having agreed to ease off her insistence of him challenging the Nunh, at least for now, a great weight had been lifted from his spirit. It was still hard work, and the both of them shouldered more than most, but at least that was no longer a point of contention between them. Instead of a constant source of dread, it was just a small ember of guilt left in his gut. Time was running out, if it hadn’t already, but he was doing what he could. Life was more good than bad, and that was worth something.

But a single link pearl call had placed the weight of the world right back on him again, making him feel like he couldn’t get enough air no matter how deeply he breathed. Cain and the Unsung, they were getting into what he considered stupidly risky territory with this mission and there was frustratingly little he could do about it. Was there?

Perhaps he should just tell his old Flame Captain, Blazing Horizon, not to heed the Hyur’s request. But then they might still go, and be less prepared for it. Should he travel to Ul’dah then, and try to talk sense into them face-to-face? He didn’t know As’kari well enough, but Cain might listen to him, had to listen to him. 

But he was far from any aetheryte, and by the time he got there they’d be long gone already. Worst of all, the more he thought about it, the less he thought the man would actually heed him. He had fears and anxieties Rkah didn’t fully understand, and some might think him easily bullied into submission at first glance, but the Golden Viper Tia knew better than that. Cain had an inner strength and stubbornness that rivaled Sahali’s. Sure, he might stammer through the conversation, pull his hair in that self-soothing manner, but he wouldn’t actually budge. The more Rkah went through the conversation in his head, the more convinced he became of that and the more he missed them. Cain, Red, Opal, Charlette, even strange Orm and lecturing Momun and all the others. Did they all still walk Unsung?

He sighed as he went through his pearl-pouch, letting them run through his fingers one by one. Each represented a link to someone important to him, but right now his golden eyes kept finding the one that would connect him to the Unsung. Going to Garlemald was beyond stupid, he inwardly growled, but his issue with it ran so much deeper than that.

He hadn’t been included. Hadn’t even been asked. It made sense, of course. They all knew his tribe needed him now. But this was the first time he truly felt the loss of it. The Unsung would go on without him, and soon he’d be just another former member of the group. Welcomed when he showed his face, sure, but no longer an important part of it. They had been as a tribe to him, as much as his Flame squadron had been, but now he was no longer part of either. They would wander without him. 

If they would even come back from this. His feelings aside, it truly was the most dangerous thing they had ever undertaken. “Cain,” he growled to the pearl, even though he hadn’t actually activated it. “You better come back from this so I can shout at you for being a dumbass. And maybe angrily kiss to make up for it,” he added after a short moment, the thought of the blush coming to the Hyur’s face if he ever did suggest that to his face making him feel both better and worse. He looked at the pearl again, then closed his fist around it and brought it to his lips.  “L’akshmi guide you and keep you,” he prayed softly, before storing the pearls again, feeling lonelier than he had in many turns. 

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Day of the Animals

While perhaps not my favorite episode this season, Day of the Animals is easily the best written story of season three. Even so, it still has problems due to the third season’s poor approach to characterization. 

Summary: Rapunzel, Varian, Angry and Red are returning stolen loot that the two girls had stolen years ago. They are accompanied by Max, Pascal, Ruddiger and Hamuel who all cannot stop quarreling with each other (or in Hamuel's case, just being useless). While messing with a sea shell pendant, it magically transports the humans into it, leaving the animals to fight over it. A minor thug named Dwayne, steals the pendant forcing the animals to work together to retrieve it. 

So Why is a Polynesian Inspired Kingdom Within Riding Distance of a Northern European Country? 

If you’ll remember my review of Beginnings, Neserdina’s princesses were wearing Polynesian garb and dancing the Hula when prepping for the competition. Now I’ve already went into length as to why that’s not good representation, but in addition to that it’s also just plain dumb. You can’t just transport one ethic group and dump them into another part of the world because it’s convenient for you. You don’t earn any brownie points for doing that. Especially when your fantasy world is still based off of our own historical earth. 

To make things even more confusing, we actually saw Neserdina way back in season one in Way of the Willow. It’s where Willow bought the gremlin knock-off. 

That is an island. How the heck do you get to a volcanic island riding in a horse and cart? And don't tell me they’re riding to a port, because Corona is a port city already. They could have gotten there by boat. It’s also can’t be too far away from Corona’s borders if Angry and Red were able to get there on foot during their year long travels. 

The only explanation is that the entirety of the Tangled crew doesn’t understand geography, and this won’t be the last example in the show to back up that statement. 

So Why Is Rapunzel Here?

We get explanations for why everyone is on this road trip, except for the main character herself. Red and Angry are trying to return some stolen loot. Varian is wanting to pick up rare alchemy supplies at the market and was invited along because Raps hopes it’ll be a chance for Ruddiger and Max to get know one another better. 

But why on earth does Rapunzel feel the need to come on this trip herself? Doesn’t she have a kingdom to run? While I’m sure Eugene is more than capable of handling things, this doesn’t reflect well upon the writers supposed plan of making Rapunzel appear more responsible. 

Literally any other adult could have come along on this trip. This wasn’t something Rapunzel needed to waste time on. Lance especially would have been more appropriate here as he’s the one who’s suppose to eventually adopt Angry and Red.  And the sad thing is, all they had to do was give Rapunzel a line about needing to attend some sort of diplomatic business in Neserdina. That’s it. 

In a show that’s supposed to be all about Rapunzel; Rapunzel sure doesn’t have a whole lot of reasons to exist in the majority of the episodes. 

Lack of Worldbuilding Strikes Again

At this point I’m kind of numb to the whole “magical thing just exists for no adequately explained reason” and so I’m not as upset as some people are about the shell necklace. But it’s still not good writing. 

Why does this thing exist? How did come to be cursed? How did it get mixed in with their stuff? What activated the magic and why did it only effect the human’s even though the animals were closer to it? 

Just something show. Anything. You bothered to give use rules for how this thing works and even stuck to them this time, but you can’t just make the last leg of the trip and give us some exposition? 

Yeah, okay. 

So Where Exactly Are We in Relation to Corona?

We can see Pittsford and Ivangarr on the road sign and we have to be in riding distance to Neserdina from Corona, but like are we in Corona still? Are we in Koto, which is Corona’s nearest neighbor to the east according to season three. Are we in some no-man’s-land where none of the kingdoms have control, or are we already in Neserdina itself? 

The series gives us no sense of direction nor any firm placement for Corona within it’s world. I only know it is a Northern European country because Corona itself is a peninsula with a north sea, uses French, English, and German fashion/customs, and Rapunzel is a Germanic fairy tale. But like those clues are thrown into a blender and contradicted several times over, on top of never being told where it’s closest kingdoms actually lie. 

All of this matters when traveling and exploring the wider world are big themes of your show. You need more solid and consistent world building than this. It also impacts how much authority and control your main character has within the episode itself if she range of political power is limited to one area. So like we need to know where the heroes stand here. 

(FYI I personally headcannon Corona as former Prussia which was once part of Germany and it’s alliance of smaller kingdoms. It’s also a peninsula next to the Curonian Spit) 

This Is Not Progress

Okay so the idea here, is that the show is implying that Rapunzel is trying to improve Corona’s justice system over Frederic’s previously inhumane crack down on crime. However, this is terribly executed. 

For starters the show has never called Frederic nor Rapunzel out for their previous misbehavior. You can not change any system for the better without acknowledging the flaws within said system first. Therefore this comes right out of nowhere and doesn’t stick around long enough to stay within the viewers minds for later. 

Secondly, Rapunzel is incredibly fickle about who she does and doesn’t set free. The Saporians were still in the dungeons last time we saw them, Caine was shipped off to the prison island and left to die there as far as we know, and the Stabbingtons are shown shackled together in the wedding short even though they supposedly changed their ways and befriended Eugene again. 

Meanwhile Dwayne and Stalyan are free to go their marry way and continue their life of crime, Varian is only released from his overly harsh punishment because he kissed Rapunzel’s ass not because it was wrong to imprison him in the first place, and later Cassandra gets away scot free because she’s Rapunzel’s bestie even though she committed the worst crimes out of everyone in the show and for very little reason. 

That’s not justice. That’s not compassion. That’s not progressive reform. It’s just nepotism, and it’s every bit as corrupt as Frederic’s classism and totalitarianism. 

Just because Rapunzel is “nice” it doesn’t mean that she is kind. Real reform has to treat everyone with equality and have a set of base standards that are beyond one person’s personal judgment. She is still a dictator and an abuser even if she lets the occasional person go free on a whim. 

Finally, Rapunzel’s methods are just downright ineffective. Dwyane may not be a threat to our heroes, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a threat to other people. He’s not actually sorry about trying to rob people at knife point and he fully plans on continuing being a thief after feeding Rapunzel the lines she wants to hear. 

Furthermore, we don’t know if this course of action is born out of malice or desperate need. He half heartily comments about finding ‘an honest job” but can he even do that? Is it even a realistic option for him? The series has been weaving this class inequality theme through out it’s past three seasons and directly connecting that to Corona’s crime rate. 

Eugene had a hard time finding a job during season one directly due to his past record, remember? A life of crime he was forced to lead in order to survive, and he’s the Prince Consort! What chance does Dwayne have? Did Rapunzel even try to help him find work or did she just wag her finger at him and told him “Now, now, stealing’s not nice.” 

The show wants to act like Rapunzel is this progressive reformer but then they turn her into a Republican instead. That’s not me being sarcastic either, this approach to criminal justice is the foundation of conservative belief and has been for centuries. The right are not interested in why people commit crime. They don’t care about addressing the fundamental problems in society that lead people to break the law. Let alone bother to analyze why those laws exist in the first place. Instead they resort to doublethink and survivor bias to either write off those that fall through the cracks or make excuses for why their policies repeatedly fail, often ignoring the fact that things aren’t actually working for whole swathes of people who aren’t themselves.  

Tangled the Series is far too simplistic and childish in it’s approach to deeper subjects like this to enforce the messages it supposedly wants to enforce. Rapunzel herself relies on magical thinking, double standards, and personal bias to see her through every and any problem and the show just rewards her for it rather than challenging her to grow and in doing so winds up supporting people like her in their authoritarian ideas, whether that was the writers’ intentions or not. 

In short, Rapunzel shows no interest in putting in the real work it would take to implement genuine restorative justice. She doesn't honestly care about Dwyane or his victims. She’s just posturing here for the sake of her self image.  

You’re Not In Any Position to Talk Rapunzel 

Speaking of Rapunzel being a hypocrite.... The entirety of season three’s main conflict is her having a petty bitch fight with her supposed best friend and needlessly dragging everyone else into it.

In fact that’s the whole show. Rapunzel repeatedly failing to get along with other people because she’s deep down a shitty person despite the veneer of ‘friendliness’ she slaps on to hide it. Having her just say she knows better does nothing to convince me that she’s actually learned anything. You have to show that she’s learned it first, and that requires acknowledging her own wrong doings.  

Varian’s face here just tells it all. Rapunzel is full of shit and no one in the show knows it better than him. Why are they even friends again? Why should we trust her with the three kids she neglected more than once? Why should any of these people take what she says seriously? 

Well This is Contradictory

Also, since we brought up double standards, here’s Varian undermining that whole “jail is bad” thing Rapunzel is trying to push with Dwayne and later with Cass. Not only is the show under cutting it’s themes for a joke, but it just reinforces the abuse Varian received. He’s now bought into Frederic’s stupid beliefs and winds up reinforcing to the audience that that his ‘reform’ was due to his past imprisonment.   

As an adult watching this series, Varian’s supposed redemption continues to increasingly look like a victim complying with their past abuser out of fear of further harm rather than anyone genuinely learning to be better.

Can We Please Stop Infantilizing the 16 Year Old

As if to deflect from Varian’s past mistreatment and continuing parentification, the show then goes on to showcase the opposite extreme whenever possible. I know it’s hard to tell just from these few screen shots alone, but over the course of season three Varian is spoken down too and treated condescendingly by the rest of the cast, and by Rapunzel in particular, even as he enters his later teens/early adulthood.  

Some of this is just to due to Rapunzel being her usual holier than thou self, but there’s also times, like here, where Varian is lumped together with the actual children of the show, even though he’s 6 to 8 years their senior. 

In fact out of everyone Rapunzel interacts with, Varian’s actually the closest to her in both age and development. Queen for a Day forced the two of them into a power imbalance due to a mixture of classism and society’s ongoing unhealthy (and often artificial) divide between younger and older teens, but as we get further and further away from that point in time and as Varian nears the same age Rapunzel started out as, that imbalance becomes less and less relevant. 

Look at how this scene is framed, He’s standing between Angry and Red and is placed lower than them to make it look like he’s one of them. He’s not. 

Varian may still look 12 with his big old eyes and short stature, but seeing as how we’re past Hearts Day, he’s actually close to being 17, if he isn’t already. The timeline gets even wonkier after The King and Queen of Hearts, but trust me, we’re close to being two years past Queen for a Day, if not more so. 

Varian, for all counts, should be Rapunzel’s equal by now in terms of story. Not only is he closest in age to her, but he’s also the only other person going through a coming of age arc. And of the two, Varian’s the one who has actually learned and grown as a person. He has more real world experience than Rapunzel ever will and knows how to implement that experience. (He’s also the more mature, but that’s more of a failure to write Rapunzel competently than a reflection of his capabilities.) 

No matter how you slice it, Varian shouldn’t be taking orders or advice from Rapunzel; no one should be, really; and he most certainly shouldn’t put up with her condescension. Rapunzel is not his nor anybody else’s mother. She’s not even a big sister like figure, and at no point should be treated as the leader of anything or anyone. 

Rapunzel is a Poor Man’s Rose Quartz 

I typically try not to draw too many comparisons between Tangled and other shows outside of the occasional parallel, as a show should be able to stand on it’s own for good or for bad, but it’s hard not to discuss the series without also discussing Steven Universe in some way. 

Steven Universe is this generation’s Batman the Animated Series or Scooby Doo. It’s the game changer that everybody else is trying to copy in some manner. Chris desperately wants Tangled the Series to be the next Steven Universe, right down to how the show is structured, paced, and what themes are presented. But unfortunately Chris has no idea why Steven Universe works the way it does. 

For starters SU adjusted it’s pacing as it went along, smoothing out its rougher edges while Tangled doubled down on its filler. SU had a planned arc from the get go and stuck to it, so that by the time the twists came they made sense. SU kept it’s focus on Steven purposefully so that the story unfolded from his view point while making to sure to acknowledge the importance of other characters around him and their conflicts. It didn’t make him infallible nor shove aside everyone else’s arcs.  

But most importantly, Steven Universe was written by a bisexual nonbinary person who set out to make a show for people in the queer community like themselves. Meanwhile, as a middle aged white man, Chis hasn’t a damn clue about his primary audience and has shown no interest in connecting with them. 

This isn’t to say that Steven Universe is a perfect show. No show is beyond criticism. Nor is this to say that straight white cis men can’t write; many of them do and can portray characters unlike themselves competently enough. But if you’re completely disinterested in other points of view than you can’t be a good writer of fictional stories, that’s just a fact. Because in order to understand proper characterization you need to acknowledge that not every character ever will be like you and that even you’re main heroes will hold beliefs and experiences different from yourself. Otherwise there is no genuine conflict to build off of. Either no one will disagree with each other or the conflict will come across as flat and forced, complete with lopsided bias. 

Therefore, in the end, Rapunzel winds up being less of a Steven and more of a Rose Quartz/Pink Dimond. Both are spoiled princesses/co-rulers of a kingdom that mistreats it’s people and anyone outside of it, who rebelled against their guardians, supposedly out of a sense of justice, but really for themselves and their own freedom, only to make things even worse for everyone. On top of that they both accidently harmed their friends, freindzone their best friend while also bossing them around, are condescending to their love interests, is controlling of people who trust them, and throws temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want, oh and neglected someone for an inhumane amount of time. 

Even then, Rapunzel winds up being the worst of the two. 

The whole point behind Rose was that she is someone whom the main characters place upon a pedestal and as the series went along slowly had the scales fall from their eyes and learned to view her for who she really was flaws and all. By the end, in Future, she is even metaphorically removed from her pedestal when Steven removes her picture from the wall.  

Rose also grows as a character, unlike Rapunzel. Her story is deliberately being told to us backwards. The awful person she was in the past was no longer who she was by the time of her death. True she was still flawed, and the consequences of her actions continued on even after her demise, but she actually tried to be a better person. She got called out for her behavior, she wasn’t excused for actions even when the show explained why she did what she did, and she stopped doing harmful actions whenever she realized that they hurt someone. 

Greg was allowed to stand up to her and show how she was wrong, and she respected him for it and later fell in love with him because of it. She tried to better control her temper when she wound up hurting her friend. Her failed revolution and her mistreatment of Spinel was actually born from a misguided desire to help, rather than outright selfishness. 

Rose Quratz/Pink Dimond is a brilliant fucking character. You may not like her, but you can’t deny that she is one of the most complex figures in children’s media to ever be created. She is real, nuanced, and multifaceted. He role within the story is complicated, messy, and intricate. She is the most well rounded female character I’ve ever seen and she is what I had hoped Rapunzel would be when I first watched season one, only even more so as the actual focus. 

I want women in cartoons to be people! 

But Rapunzel fails at every turn to follow through with this promise. She is not a deep complex character. She’s not a flawed and complicated heroine. She’s a blank canvas in which the creator can shove his creepy ass views upon. She is never taken off her pedestal, she’s never allowed to be wrong, and she is forced to spout the the creator’s personal bias against other characters. 

Rapunzel isn’t a person. She had the chance to be one, but then was reduced to .. to this. As a woman, the treatment of Rapunzel and Cassandra in this show is just flat out insulting. 

So What Is the Difference Between Angry and Red Now?

I’m all for character growth, but at this point Angry and Red are just interchangeable. Anything that made them uniquely them has been lost, and they’re now just fulfilling the generic rambunctious little kid trope. Red becoming more assertive shouldn’t mean she stops being an introvert altogether; that’s not how that works. While Angry shouldn’t lose her temper completely just because she’s wiling to open up more. 

So Why Dwayne?

I like Dwayne as a character and in truth I don’t mind his existence here, and unlike that werewolf hunter last time he at least was established in a pervious season. But this is still time that could have went to a more important antagonist. 

Also notice that Dwyane gets a villain song, but not Lady Caine or Zhan Tiri. Just saying. 

Rapunzel Has Not Earned the Role of the Wise Sage and Mentor 

Rapunzel has never learned to listen to others. Ever.

On it’s own this might have been a good speech, but when taken in context of the wider story it just makes Rapunzel look like an ass. 

A year traveling does not make Rapunzel suddenly all knowing. She is not wiser nor more experienced than anyone else in this scene. She’s also a crappy leader and big fat hypocrite.  

Even when she’s technically right, as seen here, she’s still in the wrong because she never follows through and acts upon her own advice; making this whole story pointless in the grand scheme of things. 

And that’s the core problem with season three. Rapunzel is shoved into a role she is not designed for and the whole premise of the series runs right off the rails. You’re main heroine in a coming of age story can not inhabit the mentor role. She can not simultaneously learn and grow and be always right while instructing everyone else. 

All through out season three Rapunzel is either rendered completely useless in her own damn series, or she utterly fails to fulfill any sort of narrative promise laid out for her while she infuriatingly hijacks the story from more interesting and dynamic characters. 

Behold The Only Reason Why Varian was Included in the Episode 

Speaking of hijacking things, Rapunzel of course has to get the idea to save everybody, even though what she thinks of isn’t anything special. It’s not derived from her character as an individual nor from all that experience she supposedly has. It’s literally an idea anyone could have come up  with and the show just hands it to her in order to justify her exitance. 

Meanwhile the character who actually is useful to the plot is sidelined and reduced to just a plot device. And not just here, Varian is rendered practically pointless in all but two episodes in season three, even in episodes that he actually should have more impact in, like the season opener and series finale. 

Good writing treats characters as equally contributing to the plot in ways that complements who these characters are.  

Ok I’ll Admit That This Line Is Funny

Look, I know this whole review series is about pointing out the negative, and I stand by my opinion that Tangled the Series is one of the worst written shows I’ve ever seen, but I want to make one thing clear.... I do not hate the show. If I hated the show I would not waste my time reviewing it. 

Yes the over all writing is shit, but there are a lot of good things to be found in the series beyond just the crap story arc. The humor is usually solid, the animation is gorgeous, the music is a delight, and the majority of the characters are likable even though they don’t develop in the ways that they should. There’s a lot of talent that went into this show and there’s a lot of potential to be had in it’s set up and lore. 

Being critical or negative about the aspects of something doesn’t mean you dislike it, or that you’re not a real fan, or that you’re just a ‘hater’, and I actually find TTS to be fascinating because it’s such a mess. I write reviews because they’re fun and because I genuinely think there is something to be learned from Tangled’s mistakes. 

So Why Do We Cut Back to Rapunzel Here and Not Varian? 

This is such an odd framing choice. Varian is the one who is talking and reacting to what’s happening. It’s his pet that’s in trouble and therefore he carries the emotional weight of the scene, and yet it’s Rapunzel’s shocked face we focus on? Why? What’s the point of that? She has no business being the center focus here. The action does not involve her. 

If you wanted to include her for a later set up then why not have both her and Varian present in this shot? Usually I can at least count on the story boarders to frame things better than this, but they really missed the mark here. Unless Chris is just that stupid and petty that he over ruled them and forced Varian out of the scene, but that seems like a pointless fight to pick, even for him. 

See This is How you Fulfill a Narrative Promise 

The conflict between Ruddiger and Max was set up in season one with What the Hair, then it was reiterated a few episodes ago during The Lost Treasure of Herz Der Sonne, and then it was reintroduced in this episode along with a stated lesson about working together that they needed to learn. By they end of the episode, guess what, they’ve learned to work together. That is how you properly set up and resolve a conflict. 

It’s clear from this that the writers of Tangled the Series know the basic tenants of writing and how to fulfill narrative promises. So the fact that they don’t follow through with this in the majority of the show’s episodes and ongoing story arcs just baffles me. 

Is it negligence? Is it hubris? Is it incompetent management and editorial mandates? Is it just one asshole ruining everything or is this a failure in the writers room as a whole? 

I just don’t understand what the fuck went wrong here. There’s no reason for why the show got as bad as it did. How does the most acclaimed animation company in the world put out such amateurish tripe? 

Just... wow. 

Now you know why I’m mesmerized by this show. It is a mystery to be solved, like trying to figure out how the crew on the Titanic fucked up so badly or why Hindenburg blew up. You just can’t look away. 

Conclusion 

Like I said at the start, structurally speaking this is the strongest episode of the season. I personally enjoy Lost Treasure a little more, just because Rapunzel annoys me less in that, but it’s not a bad story. However when you’re best episode in your final season is filler, then you know you’re in trouble. 

If you like my reviews and want to support my writing endeavors you can drop a tip in my kofi https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

[icefire149]

so this is kinda very random (if it's too random or too hard to write no pressure to do it) but I was thinking of #12 from the "i love you" prompts for hannah x charlie (i don't know what their ship name is or if they have one lol)

Hi there! I'm sorry this took a while to get to. I can't emphasize enough how exciting this was to work with. I know when you asked for this there were a couple posts going around with this ship and that was the first time I ever considered Hannah/Charlie. I really hope more people explore their dynamic more. I enjoyed taking a crack at it here.

I'm sorry if it's not what you were hoping for. From start to finish this took a crazy number of turns that I wasn't expecting. It kept worming away into it's own thing. Right off the bat the spring time part of the prompt flew away. Still, I hope you enjoy it <3

#12 – When we lay together on the fresh spring grass – Hannah/Charlie

“Thank you for bringing me here.”

The seasons were rapidly changing from summer to autumn. Any human today would know from a single look at a calendar. It was strange sometimes to think of how far humans have come since the garden and how much of the world they’ve been able to understand through reason and design. For Hannah, she knew from the moment the Earth shifted under her feet. And now the composition of the air just wasn’t the same as it was a week ago. Shortly, even the humans and the trees would start to notice the change in temperature.

It was normal. Routine. The world kept spinning day into night and summer into autumn, and so forth. Since being flung back into the crown jewel of her father’s creation, Hannah couldn’t help but wander back to some of her earliest thoughts. She could still remember her hesitation when the spark of creation breathed life into mortality.

At the time she hadn’t the experiences or the vocabulary to explain her abstract feelings, but now she could equate the feeling to the sharp sting of a slap to the face or a thorn lodged in the heel of her foot. The Earth cycled seasons and spun around the Sun. The garden sprouted leaves, fruits, and flowers that quickly shriveled and crumbled before sprouting forth again. The humans were built with a carefully constructed system of oxygen, blood, and electrical impulses cycling around the body. It was marvelous to behold, but what was an immortal, unchanging being supposed to read between the lines?

Her father created the archangels long before everything else she knew. The rest of her siblings were made lesser, but until more recently she always believed they were still just as loved. Maybe she was just blinded by her grief and denial. Everything mortal came next, but humans were the ones her father plucked and planted in his favorite garden.

It was because of the humans that her father started altering her siblings. All of them. She never knew what the end goal was to vessels until all of Heaven had to confront the ugly truth: their father left them eons ago. And now, every time Hannah was caught in a crowd, she couldn’t help but wonder if the person who’s eyes lingered the longest was the one who’s skin and bone he’d slipped under.

“Of course! I can’t believe you’ve never done this,” Charlie turned her head on the ground to face her. The tip of her nose twitched as a blade of grass bounced free from the rest laying under her cheek.

“Since the fall there just wasn’t time for something so trivial,” Hannah answered, moving her gaze back up to the clouds slowly rolling by. “And before that…..every angel had a job and that’s just what we did. Nothing more.”

Moments like these were still completely foreign and strange to her. A month ago Castiel received a phone call during their travels, and suddenly their mission was no longer the top priority. Locating the wayward angels was still her mission, and she spent much of her time at the Winchester’s bunker researching while he…..focused on curing the mark of Cain.

It wasn’t the ideal situation or even the one she’d hoped for. It dimmed her and diminished herself to a flatline, because a part of her dared to hope that Castiel could offer her companionship. He was her friend, but he’d stuck by her and saw her in a way that Hannah wasn’t expecting again. Not since the siblings she’d lost when the Winchester’s came onto Heaven’s radar. She tried to establish a connection, even using human methods she’d observed from her vessel’s memory, but he just wasn’t receptive. Nothing clicked until she observed Castiel around the human men he gave everything up for.

Whenever he was in proximity to Dean, his true form would come alive in ways she’d never expected. Despite the damage done to his being, Castiel would still twist, and turn, and hum in ways that were almost too much to bear witness to. And she knew that he was trying to keep himself from doing that in her presence. A part of her liked to think it was because he was trying to spare her feelings since he just didn’t connect with her in that way, but she knew it was because he was embarrassed and desolate. As humans would put it: he wore his heart openly on his sleeve. But, it was beyond the limitations of human perspective.

But since staying at the bunker, Hannah had met a handful of humans. Mostly over the phone, but it was a Miss Charlie Bradbury that showed up one day at the bunker's entrance with a dozen movies and snacks, and a very puzzled look. Since then she’d been a frequent presence during Hannah's research.

And a welcome one at that. At first Hannah wasn’t sure what to make of the exuberant woman. Charlie would talk for hours about a million different things. It was odd to try to conceptualize how many ideas a human brain could hold, and Hannah spent an entire night doing just that after a busy afternoon that rolled into a busier evening discussing the delicacies of numbers and computer programming.

Hannah still wasn't sure how computers could help her mission, but there was something about Charlie's confidence in her own abilities that the angel couldn't help but automatically placing her faith in the human.

“What was your job before things started getting crazy? Dean says Cas was a soldier.”

“He was. He still is,” Hannah started. “I...I wasn’t built for the front lines. My duty was what the majority of the host was given: protect and watch over the souls in Heaven.”

Charlie’s eyebrows pinched together. “That’s it?”

“Of course.” Hannah sat up. She could feel the grains of dirt on the palms of her hands and particles caught in her hair. The rays of late afternoon sun reflected off the surface of Charlie’s car and made her pupils contract. Frowning, she turned to move the nearby road out of her periphery. “It’s one of the most important jobs in Heaven. Each soul generates their own paradise from their stored memories. Maintaining that happiness is everything."

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

Charlie rolled over so that she was laying on her stomach now. One of her feet kicked up and moved idly in the air. The corner of her mouth twitched until it decided to curve into a teasing smile.

Hannah still didn’t understand what connections Charlie was clearly making. It was utterly confusing. “I don’t understand,” finally she admitted out loud.

“Did watching over the souls make you happy?”

Hannah’s head fell to the side. This wasn’t the first time Charlie had asked her something that made her stop and reevaluate several aspects of herself and her memory. And just like the last few times it elicited a tiny pulse, a thrill, through her being. It started when she realized that Charlie kept purposely putting herself into the angel’s orbit. Charlie seemed like she genuinely wanted to know her.

“What?” Charlie’s smile widened.

“You asked an incredibly unusual and strange question. My happiness is irrelevant. That’s much more of a human thing. Angels weren’t built for that. But-” Hannah thought about those old days and the souls under her watchful eye. She enjoyed that privilege to bear witness to their joys. She could still remember the way her wings would puff with pride. “I did find great joy in my work.”

“I’m glad,” Charlie said, before laying her head down in the grass. There was a note of sadness buried deep in her tone.

They sat like that in meditative silence for a while, and the sun dipped further in the sky. Finally, Charlie continued, “You know, people think angels are watching over us while we’re living. Like you guys are ready to jump out and help us when….when we need someone most.”

The idea put a soft smile on Hannah’s face. “It’s a lovely notion.”

“A pipe-dream,” Charlie frowned.

“Well, there were angels stationed here on Earth with the job to watch. That might be where that very idea came from.”

That put a look of surprise on Charlie’s face. “But do they help?”

“Not unless Heaven commands it, and that….” She shook her head.

Charlie sighed deeply before standing. She started brushing the dirt clinging to her jeans away.

“You wish for divine intervention.”

Charlie’s surprise quickly morphed into something unreadable. She kept silent.

Hannah stood up, and for some reason it pained her to see the light dim in Charlie’s being. “I’m sorry,” she said keeping her gaze locked with Charlie’s. And she meant it, truly. “You needed help beyond human capabilities, and no one was there. You were alone.”

Charlie nodded, and led them back to the car. They drove in silence and Hannah spent the entire time trying to figure out what went wrong. Again, and again she replayed that final conversation, but humans were still too difficult to puzzle out.

It wasn’t until they were back within the bunker walls that Charlie’s demeanor seemed to equalize back to normal. She brightened even more meeting Hannah’s eye. “Thank you for that.”

“Of course,” Hannah answered. She honestly wasn’t sure for what exactly, but her instincts told her it was about their last conversation. And that was all she needed to lift her spirits after that car ride.

Charlie took a few hesitant steps towards the hallway that led to her room. She looked over her shoulder. “Will you still be around tomorrow?”

“Mmhm,” she hummed happily. Charlie asked her that same question every day since they met. She wasn’t sure why, but she enjoyed the extra burst of light that would emanate from Charlie’s soul the moment she gave the same answer.

Ask me more writing prompts (I’m using these as warm ups so send a number and a ship)

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Love In Sin

Chapter 4

Summary - Special Agent Winchester is forced to go undercover with his frenemy Special Agent L/N when they try to track down a notorious drug dealer. How will Y/N and Dean complete their task? Will their relationship worsen or will new feelings emerge between them?

Pairing - AU Detective!Dean Winchester x Reader

Series Warning - Angst, Slow burn, Fluff, Implied Smut, Mentions of crime and drug, Swearing.

Chapter Warning - Slow Burn and a teeny tiny bit of angst.

Word Count - 2.5k+

Square Filled - Diner Food ( @spndeanbingo )

A/N - Beta'd by the lovely @deanwanddamons

Spn divider by the talented @talesmaniac89

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

“How's the preparation for the party going?” Dean asked as he poked his head into the room where you were sitting on the floor, a mass of utter destruction around you.

“Woah sweetheart, it looks like you fought a war. What the hell happened?” Dean asked.

“I am exhausted, cranky and I am tired of putting up these damn streamers,” your hair was a mess, you were beyond tired and you needed coffee in your system. And you were also hungry.

“You should have called me. Y/N/N, let me help you,” Dean said and took a bunch of streamers in his hands.

“No Winchester, leave those. You have already helped me enough during unpacking. I should be able to put up a little decorations in the house. I am a special Agent for fucks sake.”

“Now I get it. Come on,” Dean said and pulled you up onto your feet.

“Where? Dean, we have the party tomorrow and I have so much to do! Ugh, who tells you to arrange a party the day after you move into a house?” you grumbled.

“Apparently the executive director of the bureau,” Dean chuckled, “And I am taking you out for a walk. You need food and coffee in you and neither of us are in the mood to cook.”

“How do you know I need coffee and food?” You narrowed your eyes at him.

“I have eyes, sweetheart,” Dean smirked at you, “I know how grumpy you are when you are hungry. You can’t even function properly.”

Dean was right. Food really lifts up your mood. You both went out for a walk and came across a little diner in the area. It was small but beautiful.

“One burger with fries, an apple pie divided in two and two cups of black coffee please,” Dean ordered.

“Coming right up sir,” a young blonde girl responded from behind the counter.

You and Dean took a seat at the diner.

“Why are we even arranging a party, what's the reason?” You asked.

“Just moved in, new house. A....a housewarming party?” Dean said deep in thought.

“That….sounds appropriate.”

“So it's settled then. A housewarming party,” Dean said, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Alright. Since I'm married to you, I should know some stuff about you just so I don't stutter when people ask me about my own husband. Tell me about yourself - where are your parents? What are your hobbies, other than watching the movie Die Hard on repeat?” you said.

“Hey, the Die Hard movie is a classic. You should learn to appreciate good films. As you know my name’s Dean Winchester, no middle name,” Dean smirked, “I have a younger brother, Sam who is a lawyer. He is engaged to this girl named Jessica-”

“Wait! Jessica? As in Jessica Moore? I think I know her. Maybe I went to high school with her,” you said thinking aloud.

“Small world,” Dean gave you a tiny shrug, “My parents are still together. My dad, John Winchester owns a garage and my mom, Mary Winchester owns a coffee shop near my parents’ house. My life's pretty boring. Tell me about yourself.”

“Well you already know a lot about me because apparently ‘you have eyes’,” you chuckled, “but my name is Y/N M/N L/N, I do have a middle name. I have two brothers named Michael and Gabriel, I am the youngest. My Mom and Dad are still together too. My Dad, Y/D/N works at a corporate office and my Mom Y/M/N used to teach at a primary school. So my life's pretty boring too.”

“Here's your order,” the server interrupted your conversation by placing three plates on your table, “and here's your coffee.”

The girl kept eyeing Dean. You cleared your throat as you saw him turning towards the waitress with a stupid smirk on his face. You took his hands and entangled your fingers with his, making him jump and look back at you.

“Nothing else,” you said in a cold voice surprising the girl and Dean. The girl walked away from your table quickly.

“Jealousy is a bad colour on you sweetheart,” Dean said to you in a cocky tone.

“Why would I be jealous? I am not jealous,” you replied but that was a big, fat lie. A switch had been flipped as soon as you saw that waitress ogling Dean. Maybe you were jealous.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” he said with a stupid smirk plastered on his face.

“I was not jealous but I think you should try to keep it in your pants if you want this cover to work,” you pointed out to him.

“Ooh, an affair, maybe it will spice things up a bit,” he winked.

“Dean,” you glared at him as he raised his hands in defence.

“So,” Dean said stabbing the piece of pie with a fork, “Any past relationships I should know about?”

“No,” You said after swallowing the piece of burger - the food was so good, “why should I tell you about my past relationships?”

“Let's see, I am your husband and I think I should know about your ex boyfriends...ex flings.”

“Fake husband. How many times do I have to remind you?”

“Okay, keep your secrets to yourself. I was just trying to make some small talk,” he shrugged.

“God you're so nosy. Fine,” you said biting into a single fry, “I don't have many ex-boyfriends or ‘flings’ as you may say, but I was in a serious relationship with a guy named Cain for almost three years but...uh-then we broke up and now he..he is just a bad memory. What about you?”

“Kinda the same. Had a few serious relationships. The last one was with a girl named Lisa. After two years of dating we realised we weren't made for each other so we broke up - it was an amicable breakup,” Dean said.

“No one night stands? Girls would kill to have a one night stand with you,” you said.

“Will you kill to have a one night stand with me?” He asked, making you choke on your food.

“W-what?” You said after regaining your composure.

“Just saying. We have the arrangement - you and I are already married. You can experience the full package if you want too,” Dean smirked.

“N-no, thanks,” you said and gulped down a glass of water. This man will be the death of you.

“So, tell me about Cain. I mean I have to live upto your expectations.”

“Trust me, you don't want to be like Cain,” you said, swallowing hard. You didn't want to speak about the topic of Cain, he was just a bad memory, no scratch that, the worst memory of your life.

“Did he hurt you?” Dean asked, his voice soft.

“No.” You looked down at your plate, suddenly finding it too interesting.

“He hurt you, didn't he?” Dean clenched his jaw.

“Why are you suddenly so interested in my past relationships? It's not important to our job. We are work colleagues, let's just keep it that way,” you said and abruptly left the table and went out of the diner.

You didn't know why you lashed out at Dean like that. Maybe because you were still not ready to talk about Cain. No one knew why you guys broke up - not even your parents, but Dean was just trying to talk to you as a friend. Now he was going to think of you as an overdramatic bitch. You buried your face into your hands as you heard footsteps approaching you.

“Y/N? I am sorry for what happened back there. I-I definitely crossed a line I wasn't supposed to cross. You're right - we are work colleagues, let's keep it that way,” Dean told you, “just remember whatever Cain did, you don't deserve it.”

You looked up to him and saw him staring at you.

“Come on, let's go back to the house. We have a lot of work to do,” he said and snaked his arms across your waist, making you jump a bit.

“Just to keep the cover,” Dean whispered into your ears. You nodded but you'd be lying if you said that your heart didn't skip a beat when he pulled you closer to him.

You opened your mouth to speak, but you were interrupted by the ping of your phone, which indicated you had received a new text.

“Oh look at that. Now what does Mr. Singer need? A BBQ party in our backyard?” Dean said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“According to trustful, internal sources, the right hand man of Crowley is apparently one of our neighbours,” you said reading the text as you saw the gears turning in Dean's head.

“So we gotta be cautious at the party. One slip, and our entire cover will be blown,” Dean said, immediately slipping into the serious work mode which you loved.

“Let's go and meet the neighbours then, husband,” you smirked at him.

“After you, sweetheart,” he grinned back at you.

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[scrapyardboyfriends]

It feels like the producers just come up with a story idea and start it without coming up with the conclusion. I feel like they just meander and eventually just fade into nothingness without any resolution at all. Other than Robert's storyline pausing with him in prison, because Ryan left or took an extended leave, all the other storylines just seem to keep going until they decide to just stop. It's beyond bizarre. There's never a culmination it's just dragged on and on until they decide they're done. It's so not the way things are supposed to be done.

I think that’s probably a fairly accurate statement. 

I mean under this team we’ve had...

The “Is Joe dead?” saga which dragged on for way too long and only stopped because Kim finally arrived back and ended up with Joe not even dead so all of it was really for nothing. 

The “Billy’s Backstory” saga, which was...a mess. Certainly the lack of any kind of real resolution with the Aaron part. Also the fact that there was this whole thing with Jessie not believing he really did what got him sent to prison in the first place only to find out that he did and then she had basically no reaction to it. Well, she did, but it lasted for about an episode. Plus the brothers at war element fell pretty flat too for the most part. And just the whole thing with whatever his name was that was getting him back into crime was just a lot of meandering nonsense. 

The Maya story, which worked for a while but then had one too many “twists and turns” that went nowhere, a lot of very sloppy writing with David’s reaction to it all and Maya only ending up in prison for what? 6 months all to result in a baby that ended up being David’s? And the follow up with Jacob, I thought was pretty poor because I don’t think they ever really did a decent job of making it clear he understood what really happened. I mean he said he did later but I feel like they could have done better. 

Victoria’s rape story. The Robert’s exit portion of it worked fairly well in and of itself, particularly because it had a finite end and somehow the power of and history of Robron made it all work in the end. But the rest of it was a bit of a mess that started well and then got massively derailed by Robert’s exit, which routinely threw Vic under the bus and then what was Vic’s resolution in all of it? To end up dating her rapist’s brother and letting her rapist’s mother who spent months harassing her and calling her a liar be a grandmother to her son. Every once in a while there was a glimmer of dealing with her lingering recovery that was fairly well done but otherwise...

The Nate/Moira affair saga, which did have a decent climax structurally, but prior to that just meandered around with all of us in the dark and not in a fun way where we were really trying to figure something out because it went on for too long with no real legitimate clues that you weren’t sure anymore if you were supposed to be trying to figure something out. And then it was like they didn’t really know what to do with Nate once that story was done because they were like “well...fuck...now we have to figure out how to make him and Cain have any kind of relationship?!?!”. A mess. 

The Frank’s death story. They couldn’t be bothered enough with his character when he was alive to properly give him any kind of real set up for his exit other than a few vague scenes where the audience didn’t know what was going on. And then they dragged Amy and Kerry into things in the most random set of plot points about Amy’s latest backstory needing money just to get them to the factory to start the fire. And then there was all of that panic with them for so long and Tracy determined to figure out the truth and then she did and it all gets vaguely resolved because Kerry got knocked on the head and they decided to just call a truce??! But then Tracy still gets to hold it over Amy’s head and not let her date Matty? 

The Millie paternity saga that went absolutely nowhere because Graham turned out not to be the father anyway???

The current Jamie saga. The most random and meandering of them all, which may or may not still be going on?? I’m really not sure. Cause Jamie became super mean for a while and everyone hated him and he ran Moira over and then Belle very oddly screwed him over and tried to get him sent down only her him to frame her and Nate and have Nate take the fall after she had a mental breakdown but now she’s....fine? And Nate didn’t go to prison after all? And Jamie is off the hook and is suddenly nice again because Kim’s back to be the mean one and now she’s trying to get revenge on Cain cause????? Also a mess. 

The Gabby/Leyla/Liam saga. As discussed in a previous ask, a mess with no real conclusion and with the Jamie/Home Farm obsession...may still be happening???

The Dan’s paralysis saga. I did miss some of this thankfully when I wasn’t watching but I feel like it also went on way too long and went around in circles that felt very unnecessary and then just sort of abruptly ended and they were never seen again until Dan was suddenly perfectly fine and healthy and getting turkey deliveries....?

The Paul/Mandy/Vinny saga. We’re still suffering that one and I feel like it should have a decent climax and perhaps resolution because eventually Mandy has to find out and presumably Paul will face some kind of consequences but at the rate they’re going, who knows when that will ever happen. 

The extremely minimal effort put into Ben as a character and anything between Aaron and Ben. I’m still baffled that they decided to make Ben the guy Aaron bullied in school and then resolved all of that in one episode. And who the fuck knows where it’s going now because it’s never on screen long enough to develop into anything but if it does...where does it even go? 

The Malone saga. Entirely too long and had definitely had a fair few meandering sections. Had a decent climactic scene with killing Malone but then went right back to meandering. And I’m still sort of like “Dawn reported him to the police and she killed him in self defense” so I don’t know why they’re even going through all of this in the first place and if in the end they just get away with it, then truly...what was the point?

Wow it’s really depressing to list everything out like this. Safe to say...the show needs to make some changes, preferably a new producer. 

[tabloidtoc]

National Examiner, April 12

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Mark Harmon quitting NCIS

Page 2: Stars Who Rock Around the Clock -- they believe in the healing power of crystals -- Naomi Campbell, Shirley MacLaine, Adele, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Uma Thurman

Page 3: Debra Messing, Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson, Megan Fox, Katy Perry, Gisele Bundchen

Page 4: Eddie Murphy's roles and costumes

Page 6: George Clooney is turning 60 in May, and he says being an older dad to toddlers has its benefits -- his son isn't ever going to feel competitive with him and he'll be gumming his bread by the time he'd feel competitive with him, jokes the Oscar-winning actor, whose twins Ella and Alexander turn 4 in June -- George is well aware that growing up with two highly accomplished parents (his wife Amal Clooney is a successful human rights lawyer) can put a lot of pressure on a kid and that's why the couple is already guiding Ella and Alexander with strong values and kind hearts because George says it's their job to make sure that they care about people and that they challenge people in power and look out for people who don't have power and those are the things he was raised with -- the known prankster is also passing the practical joke tradition down to the next generation and he taught Alexander to take a piece of banana, chew it up and then spit it into a napkin, then stand next to him mom, pretend to blow his nose into it and look down until Mama looks at it, then eat it

Page 7: Partridge Family star Shirley Jones turned 87, and she's brimming over with gratitude for her wonderful life that's been chock-full of extraordinary experiences -- she says you have to have a good time and enjoy life to the fullest and before you know it you'll be 87 -- Shirley has three sons (her stepson David Cassidy died in 2017) and 13 grandchildren

Page 8: Take your etiquette test for tea with Queen Elizabeth

Page 9: Brain foods that may help prevent dementia

* Study says new drug slows Alzheimer's

Page 10: Jennifer Garner recently opened up about her real feelings on her body -- she's 48 and single and has three children with ex-husband Ben Affleck: daughters Violet and Seraphina and son Samuel -- in a recent interview, she admitted that her body has changed a lot since having three kids and she doesn't mind one little bit, even though she was hurt when a friend hinted she may be expecting again, saying there are some women whose bodies just, no matter how many babies they have, they bounce right back to that slim-hipped, no stomach and she has so many girlfriends who have that physique and she's so happy for them, but she's not one of them and she can work really hard and she can be really fit and she will still look like a woman who's had three babies and she always will

Page 11: 6 stomach symptoms you should never ignore -- catch problems before the become deadly

Page 12: After more than two decades, James Brolin says he's discovered the way to keep his marriage to Barbra Streisand going strong: negotiation -- it's taken two marriages and 22 years for him to figure it out and he and his wife have gotten so close being locked down together -- his mother was the sweetest person so he never really learned to negotiate with women but now he knows if you sit down and talk about a situation, you can work it out

Page 14: Dear Tony, America's Top Psychic Healer -- don't make snap judgments; you may lose the perfect mate -- Tony predicts a very hot summer coming and a lot more street crime

Page 15: Folks getting their COVID-19 vaccinations at the Berkshire Community College in Massachusetts got a shocking treat: a mini-concert from world-famous cellist Yo-Yo Ma -- while waiting out his 15-minute observation period, the musician sat down to play a socially distant symphony for his fellow inoculees

Page 16: Duchess Kate is never seen without a purse, but what exactly does she keep inside it? There's quite a history between royal women and their handbags: Princess Diana used her clutch bag to cover her cleavage from prying photographers, Queen Elizabeth moves her handbag from one arm to the other to signal to her staff when she's bored of chatting with someone, and Kate carries her bag in her left hand so she can keep her right hand free to greet and shake hands with guests and she holds her bag in front of her when shaking hands might be awkward -- according to royal protocol pre-pandemic, Kate must extend her hand first for another person to shake hands with her, so if she prefers to just smile instead of touching other folks, she uses her clutch to do that -- author Marcia Moody who wrote Kate: A Biography, says the duchess always carries four must-have items: in her small clutch, she carries a compact mirror, a handkerchief, blotting paper and lip balm and every now and then, if she's going to attend a tennis match, for example, Kate will carry a pair of sunglasses -- unlike Queen Elizabeth, whose purses come from a company called Launer, the duchess favors different brands, but mostly a company called Mulberry -- nowadays with three small children, the mom gravitates toward midsize bags with handles because she's got to take more items with her like a handy bunch of tissues, good for wiping little noses and faces, and also takes her camera along

Page 18: William Shatner confesses that when he starred in Star Trek during the mid-60s, he had no idea it would become a worldwide phenomenon still popular today -- Shatner, who turned 90 in March, says it's unimaginable and it's all beyond anybody's imagination or ability to repeat and the greatest thing about being the captain of the Enterprise for three years was his relationship with the cast and the roles were written so well

Page 19: Brandy is a one-in-a million cat because those are the odds she'd ever be found again after she went missing 15 years ago -- when Charles got the phone call from a California animal shelter that his missing pet has been found, he could scarcely believe his ears and the Los Angeles man was skeptical and thought it must be a mistake but he had made sure the two-month-old kitten had a microchip and sure enough, the malnourished stray they found was his Brandy -- Charles did break down and cry because he thought about all of the years he lost from her and when he picked her up, she started to purr and it was very emotional

Page 20: Mark Harmon finally lured wife Pam Dawber out of retirement to star alongside him on NCIS, but the pairing will be short-lived because he's leaving the show after 18 hit seasons -- the 69-year-old star is finally fed up with the backbreaking hours, endless rehearsals, and feuds with cast and crew, and plans to ride off into the sunset with Pam and retire to the couple's Montana Ranch -- Mark's contract is up after season 18, and he's agonized over whether to sign a new one and he's being offered the moon and the stars to come back for a few more seasons, but he says his heart just isn't in it and Mark has faced problems on the set over the past few years and he feels his age, he just doesn't need the aggravation anymore -- NCIS recently teased a possible departure of his character Leroy Gibbs when the special agent commander was suspended for assaulting and nearly killing a suspect but despite that, Harmon insists Gibbs not be killed off so he can leave the door open for a possible return

Page 22: Legendary actor Michael Caine just turned 88 and he's still going strong, starring in an upcoming comedy Best Sellers and says he knows he's old but he doesn't feel old, not in his head, where it matters

Page 24: They say money doesn't buy happiness, but what do people spend their money on that can buy happiness? You don't need millions of dollars to afford the things that happy people buy to stay that way and studies show that anything over $75,000 a year in income is gravy, which means yachts, jewels, second homes and art collections are not at all required -- the best thing to drop your cash on is experiences and doing is better than having and in other words, an object you own will never give you the consistent pleasure of an experience that creates good memories that live on forever -- also the best experiences are the ones that involve other people like having a picnic with family, going rafting with pals, or even just walking and talking with an exercise buddy

Page 25: Freshen Your Fridge -- make a clean start with this 5-step plan

Page 26: Tony's Mystic World -- may the force be with you -- the life force can be drained out of you by fear or worry

Page 28: Sensational Snaps From Around the World -- photo contest captures amazing sights

Page 31: When to trash it -- the useful lifespan of refrigerated food

Page 32: It's been 40 years since Marilu Henner starred on the hit sitcom Taxi, but the great memories and wonderful co-stars are always on her mind because she's still pals with them -- they always stayed in touch with each other and never lost touch and do a Taxi Zoom every two months and they're all very current with each other and they have a text chain as well and they're in contact every week -- Marilu is close with cast members Tony Danza, Judd Hirsch, Danny DeVito, Christopher Lloyd and Carol Kane

Page 33: Garth Brooks is overjoyed wife Trisha Yearwood has finally bounced back from her bout with COVID-19 -- she seems to be 100 percent, according to Garth, and at the end there during fatigue she got real impatient, really kind of mean and sassy and he thought well, she's back to herself -- after announcing in February that Trisha had the coronavirus and Garth said he had tested negative

Page 40: The grass is always greener when you use these simple gardening tips

* Avoid cat-astrophe -- the right way to add a stray

Page 42: 10 things you never knew about Glenn Close -- the wildly successful actress turned 74 in March

Page 44: Eyes on the Stars -- Sylvester Stallone and wife Jennifer Flavin leave a Florida hotel (picture), Jane Seymour is still looking on the bright side even as the world continues to weather the pandemic, one year after the death of Kenny Rogers his family thanked fans as they honored his life, Sharon Stone is dishing dirt about her Hollywood past in her recently released memoir like one moviemaker who told her to have sex with a male co-star to improve their on-screen chemistry, 28-year-old twins Lady Amelia and Lady Eliza Spencer who are the nieces of Princess Diana recently stepped out in South Africa as bridesmaids for fellow high society girl Leila Osato, director Christopher Columbus pooh-poohed internet rumors about the existence of an NC-17 cut of Mrs. Doubtfire but he did confirm there's an unreleased R-rated version

Page 45: Good Morning America co-host Cecilia Vega mugs it up for the camera on the morning show (picture), Gretta Monahan gets out of a car (picture), longtime GMA veteran Robin Roberts displays her ever-present sunny side on the set (picture), the Hollywood Hills home of Johnny Depp recently had some uninvited guests when a man was spotted loitering by the property's pool but ran off after being confronted by a neighbor and not much later Johnny's security team called police about another unwanted visitor who had taken a shower and helped himself to the actor's booze, Elsa Pataky has been married to Chris Hemsworth for 10 years and says patience and communication and understanding are what help their relationship be successful

Page 46: A Texas man has helped thousands of people by donating his blood platelets a staggering 962 times over the past 37 years

Page 47: Celebrity Weddings Gone Wrong -- Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden, Nicky Hilton and James Rothschild, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend, Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson, Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar, Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley

[spookyboywhump]

Wren

Previous Parts

Tag list:  @constellationwhump, @what-a-whumpy-world, @faewhump, @inky-whump, @slaintetowhump, @sodapigeon, @justwhumpitwhumpitgood, @insanitywishes  Let me know if I missed you or if you would like to be tagged!

 That’s right! I’m still writing this! And thank you so much @inky-whump for helping me with the fighting portion of this!

 I will admit, this is a bit more plot and stuff but ya know, people get hurt, the story moves along, here it is.

 ***

 He wasn’t ready. It was too soon, way too soon, he couldn’t do this. He thought he would have some time to prepare, some sort of warning, just something beyond Cain clipping a leash to his collar and telling him that it was his turn. It had been quite a few days since the muzzle had finally been removed for good, rather than once a day for over a week, and it seemed that it had worked because he didn’t dare comment or ask questions, even though he was horribly confused. 

 “This isn’t a good idea.” Zander had warned him, almost looking worried. “You don’t even know if he can fight, he’s just going to cost you more money.”

 “He can’t possibly fuck up more than you have.” He snapped at him. “I might as well see what he can do, it’s better to just get it over with.” Zander still seemed unsure, but he kept his mouth shut, only glancing worriedly at Wren. 

 He spent the whole car ride there nervously picking at his skin, heart hammering in his chest. He was going to get killed, or at least, going to get his ass beat, and then killed because Cain would be so angry with him. At some point Zander reached over, putting a hand on his to stop him as his fingers started bleeding. 

 He felt almost numb when they actually arrived, blankly following wherever Cain dragged them. They had come earlier than before, there weren’t as many people yet, and he took him down to a completely different area entirely. He wished that somebody would give him an explanation, he hated just not knowing what was going to happen next. They entered a room that made him think of a small hospital waiting room, Cain ordered them to stand still near the door while he talked to someone, leaving them alone for a few moments at least.

 “What is this…?” He asked Zander softly, anxiously looking up at him. 

 “Their own personal emergency room.” He sighed. “You’ll probably end up here after tonight, but they probably want to give you a… check up of sorts first.”

 “Why do you say it like that?” He frowned, just feeling more nervous.

 “You’ll see.” 

 Cain came back over to them, he ordered Zander not to move from that spot and grabbed Wren by the leash, tugging hard and pulling him along, through a different door. Zander was right, it looked like an emergency room, albeit a kind of makeshift one. Still, it was clean, had up to date equipment, at least he knew if he got injured he probably wouldn’t die under their care. Probably.

 He was led over to one of many curtained off areas, a man was already waiting for them. He probably wasn’t any older than thirty, and he looked tired, glancing between Cain and Wren.

 “What happened to Zander?” He asked. “Did you finally off him after the last fight?”

 “Of course not.” Cain rolled his eyes. “He’s… taking a break. At least, he is until he can get his shit together. Wren here is going to take his place for now.” He handed the leash to the man, though he immediately went to unclip it. He was surprised Cain didn’t stop him. “He should behave just fine for you, he’s not too difficult.”

 “Well, I don’t think he can top Zander breaking my nose, I’m sure I can handle him fine.” The man said, shaking his head. Cain told Wren that he would be allowed to answer any of the man, Andrew’s, questions before leaving them alone for now, no doubt going to harass Zander. “Can you remove your clothes for me, kid?” He asked, Wren couldn’t help but scowl.

 “Do I have to…?” He was so tired of undressing around strangers, no regard for his comfort or privacy at all. 

 “Unfortunately, yes. Don’t worry, I don’t plan on touching you more than necessary.” He assured him. “It’s just the process, I have to do my job.” Wren hesitated before reluctantly doing as he was told. He didn’t exactly have a choice after all, and thus far no one had done anything horrible to him when he undressed, he figured he should just stop complaining and do it.

 For the most part it was like a normal check up, Andrew took notes on his height and weight, checked his temperature and blood pressure, all of that. It was still uncomfortable, even more so when he kept looking him over, sometimes moving a limb or examining him too close, as if looking for something. 

 “W-what are you doing…?” He asked, leaning away.

 “Checking for marks, you’d be surprised where people will try to stab their dogs to hide the injection.”

 “Injection?” He rose an eyebrow. 

 “Yeah. You know, drugs?” He finally pulled away from him, stepping a few feet away and looking for something. “It’s a new problem lately, some new drug on the market that people are pumping into their dogs. Makes them angry, stronger too. Temporarily anyway. I’m surprised Cain hasn’t tried it yet.” 

 “He’s never given us any shots… not that I know of anyway…” It surprised him too, Cain seemed like he’d do anything to win, and he could certainly afford some crazy drug.

 “Give it time, if you can’t make up for Zander then he’ll probably give in.” He came back to him with a device in his hand, something Wren recognized. They had used it back at his work when they put the microchip into his arm, running it over his body would show exactly where it was when it passed over it. 

 “W-wait, why do you need that?” He stammered, backing away. This just seemed to interest him.

 “You know what this is?” He asked, stepping closer and grabbing his arm. He wasn’t rough, but firm enough to hold him in place. “If you tell me where it is then I won’t have to scan the rest of you.” He advised him. He pointed to his right forearm with a shaky hand, glancing away from him as he did so. He let go of his upper arm, gently taking his wrist and holding it while he scanned the device over his forearm, blue light illuminating and showing a small blinking dot buried deep in his skin. “What is this from?” He asked.

 “I- I… I can’t tell you…” It was a stupid answer, but the truth. Andrew sighed, setting the device aside. 

 “Whatever you do, don’t let Cain know you have that. He’ll be pissed if he finds out anyone is tracking you.” He said, going to make another note in his papers. “Go ahead and get dressed, you’re fine. Judging by your, well, everything, I’ll probably be seeing you back here after your fight.” Wren rolled his eyes as he quickly got dressed. He didn’t like how people continued to underestimate him, but at this point, he wasn’t sure they were even wrong.

 ***

 He almost wished his only problem was still feeling exposed and uncomfortable, poked and prodded at with no concern for his comfort. Being dragged into the waiting area for his fight, thrown into a cage like cell and told to wait was somehow worse. Being uncomfortable was nowhere near as bad as the overwhelming anxiety he felt now.

 After what felt like hours of being held in a cell, he was finally dragged out, roughly pulled along and out a door at the end of the cell block. He was almost instantly overwhelmed, it was so loud, somehow even louder here than when he’d been in the audience. He was nearly blinded by all the bright lights, his eyes struggling to adjust. He had no choice but to allow himself to be dragged along, the leash only unclipped so he could be shoved into this ring, the door quickly slammed and locked behind him before he could even think of trying to run. 

 He was forced into this cage at the same time as his opponent, a man taller than him with a grin on his face, the same kind of look that Cain gave before doing something awfully brutal. Wren could hardly even hear the voice booming above them, all he could think about was how completely fucked he was, this guy was taller, visibly stronger, and probably more than a little bit blood thirsty. He was as good as dead, especially when the countdown finally ended with a loud and enthusiastic “one!”, and he didn’t react quick enough before his opponent had attacked.

 He’d hardly registered what had happened, pain exploded across his face. He was hit hard enough to knock him down, but he managed to scramble away before a foot could make contact with his stomach. As he jumped to his feet he was aware of blood running from his nose but he knew he needed to ignore it, blinking back tears that blurred his vision. 

 The other man could tell he was disoriented and took advantage of that, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and yanking him forward till he could get his hands around his throat. He squeezed tightly, nails digging into his skin, a sadistic grin on his face.

 Wren fought desperately, clawed at his hands and arms, tried to kick at his shins, but he couldn’t breathe, he tried so hard but he just couldn’t escape, his vision was going dark, he was so fucked- the man suddenly cried out, releasing him. Wren dropped to his knees, coughing and gasping for air while the man stumbled back, a hand covering his eye where Wren had managed to scratch him in his frantic struggle. 

 He jumped to his feet, he had to do something now, he didn’t even think. He balled up his fist, lunged at him, slammed it into the man’s throat and suddenly he was on the floor. The fight was over almost as quickly as it was started, sheer luck getting him out of this.

 He’d never knocked somebody out before, or hit them hard enough to pass out anyway. The man collapsed and for a moment he feared he’d killed him, he wasn’t moving, he was relieved to see he was still breathing though. The shouting and cheering of the audience around him sounded far away and muffled, he just couldn’t look away from what he done. He vaguely remembered something Cain had said, that it ended immediately when one of them was knocked out. He felt like he was about to pass out too, almost swaying on unsteady legs, his opponent was completely unconscious.

 He’d won.