#Can you tell i don't know my dog species

[ihopchocomilk]

Before right now, I would look at Sebek and I'm like "haha, funny teen I like. He's so cool and dedicated. What a good guy I bet if he really tries he'd give great hugs"

And then I find out he's 188cm

The whiplash I feel

This man, I never imagined over 170 he's 16. Like I know he does rigorious training and he's half fae and he's a good lad and he's very insanely have superhuman(superfae?) strength(example being the harveston event where he chop chop wood)

BUT LIKE-

AHEM?? SIR?? LOML?? DUDE YOU'RE A WHOLE ENTIRE 33CM TALLER THAN ***ME***

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE SO MUCH TALLER THAN ME??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I COULD SEE YOU SOMETHING LIKE INTIMIDATING???? YOU, YOUR LOYALTY AND DEDICATION AND JUST HOW STRAIGHTFORWARD YOU ARE, INTIMIDATING??? NO, I NEVER COULD!!

Before his height reveal I just saw him as a teen who'd yap yap yap like a good guard dog, idk maybe a golden retriever.

AFTER I JUST KNOW I'M IN HIS SHADOW AND HE DOESN'T NEED TO TRY. I'M A SHORT KING PERSON BUT THEN SEBEK JUST CLEARS HIS THROAT AND IS LIKE "You are incorrect."

[kaijutegu]

Alligator Body Language and You, or: How To Know When An Alligator On Social Media is Being Stressed for Views

Alligators are wild animals. Despite the idiotic claims of animal abusers like Jay Brewer, they cannot be domesticated, which means they are always going to react on the same natural instincts they've had for millions of years. Habituated, yes. Tamed, yes. Trained, definitely. Crocodilians can form bonds with people- they're social and quite intelligent. They can solve problems, use tools, and they're actually quite playful. Alligators are also really good at communicating how they're feeling, but to somebody who doesn't spend much time around them, their body language can be a bit mystifying. And it doesn't help when social media influencers are saying shit like this:

That is not what a happy gator looks like.

That's a terrified, furious gator who isn't attacking because the ogre handling her has her in a chokehold. She's doing everything she can to express her displeasure, and he's lying about it because he knows his audience doesn't even know how to think critically about what he's doing. He knows that because his audience doesn't know anything about these animals, he can get away with it. This I think is why I hate him so much- he deliberately miseducates his audience. He knows what he's doing is factually inaccurate, he just doesn't care because attention means more to him than anything else in the world.

Let's change that! Here are two really important lessons for understanding alligator body language on social media.

Lesson 1: Alligators Don't Smile (in fact, most animals don't)

So what's going on in this video? Jay Brewer is aggressively choking his white alligator Coconut while scrubbing algae off of her with a toothbrush. And make no mistake, he is digging into the creature's throat while she is visibly distressed. He claims she's happy- but she's not. He is willfully misrepresenting what this animal is feeling. That's a problem, because people... well, we actually kind of suck at reading other species' body language. The reason for this is that we tend to overlay our own responses on their physical cues, and that's a problem. For example, let's look at an animal with a really similar face to ours, the chimpanzee. Check out Ama's toothy grin!

Wait, no. That's not a happy smile. That's a threat display. When a chimpanzee "smiles," it's either terrified and doing a fear grimace, or it's showing you its teeth because it intends on using them in your face.

How about a dog? Look at my smiling, happy puppy!

Oh wait no, this is a picture of Ryder when he was super overwhelmed by noise and people during a holiday party. He'd hopped up in my sister's lap to get away from stuff that was happening on the floor and was panting quite heavily. See the tension in the corners of his mouth and his eyes? A lot of the time when a dog "smiles," the smile isn't happy. It's stress! Why Animals Do The Thing has a nice writeup about that, but the point is, our body language is not the same as other species. And for reptiles, body language is wildly different.

For instance, look at these two alligators. Pretty cute, right? Look at 'em, they're posing for a Christmas card or something! How do you think they're feeling?

Well, I'll tell you how the normal one is feeling. He's annoyed! Why is he annoyed? Because the albino just rolled up, pushed another gator off the platform, and is trying to push this guy, too. I know this because I actually saw it happen. It was pretty funny, not gonna lie. He's not gaping all the way, but he was hissing- you can actually see him getting annoyed in the sequence I took right before this shot. Look at him in this first shot here- he's just relaxing, and you can see he isn't gaping even a little bit.

By the end, he's expressing displeasure, but not enough to actually do anything about it. He's annoyed, but he's comfy and that's where one of the best basking areas is, so he'll put up with it.

Reptiles open their mouths wide for a lot of reasons, but never because they are actively enjoying a sensation. Unless they're eating. No reptile smiles- they can't. They don't even have moveable lips. If a reptile is gaping, it's doing so because:

It is doing a threat display.

It is making certain vocalizations, all of which are threats. Alligators are one of the rare reptiles that do regularly vocalize, but most of their calls aren't made with a wide open mouth.

It is about to bite something delicious or somebody stupid. Check out this video- virtually all of the gaping here is anticipatory because these trained gators know darn well that the bowl is full of delicious snacks. (I have some issues with Florida's Wildest, but the man knows how to train a gator AND he is honest about explaining what they're doing and why, and all of his animals are healthy and well-cared for, and he doesn't put the public or his staff at risk- just himself.)

It's too hot and it has opened its mouth to vent some of that heat and thermoregulate. This is the main reason why alligators will often have their mouths part of the way open, but sometimes they'll open all the way for thermoregulation. This is what a thermoregulatory gape looks like- usually it's not all the way open, kinda more like < rather than V, but you can't say that 100% of the time. Additionally, a thermoregulatory gape... typically happens when it's hot out. If they're inside, maybe they've been under their basking light for too long. Heat's the dominant factor, is what I'm getting at.

There is another reason that a captive crocodilian might be gaping, and that's because it's doing so on command. Some places have their gators trained to gape on cue, like St. Augustine Alligator Farm and other good zoos. They have the animals do this in presentations that are genuinely educational. They ask the animals to open their mouths so that they can show off their teeth and demonstrate how their tongues seal off the back of their mouth. They'll also do it as part of routine healthcare, because looking at their teeth is important.

In this case, the animals aren't gaping because they're stressed, they're gaping because they know they're gonna get a piece of chicken or fish if they do it. And what's more, they're doing it on cue. They have a specific command or signal that tells them to open wide. It's not an instinctive response to a situation. It's trained. If the animal provides the behavior after a cue, the situation is much less likely to be negatively impactful.

It's also important to remember that there's a difference between a partially open mouth and a gape! As discussed above, alligators will often have their mouths a little bit open just to maintain temperature homeostasis. It helps them stay comfy, temperature-wise. These guys are all doing thermoregulatory open-mouthed behavior- that slight open and relaxed body posture is a dead giveaway. (That and it's the hottest spot in the enclosure.)

Lesson 2: A Happy Gator Is A Chill Gator

So if alligators don't smile or have facial expressions other than the :V that typically signifies distress, how else can you tell how they're feeling? One way is stillness. See, alligators subscribe to the philosophy of if it sucks... hit da bricks.

Basically, if they hate it, they'll leave. Unless, y'know, somebody has their meaty claws digging into their throat or is otherwise restraining them. (Restraint isn't always bad, btw. Sometimes the animal is going through a medical thing or needs to be restrained for their safety- which a responsible educator will explain.)

Let's look at a very similar scenario, in which a captive alligator is getting his back scrubbed.

As you can see, it's quite different. First, he's not being restrained at all. Second, look at how relaxed he is! He's just chilling there vibing! He could simply get up and leave if he wanted to, because he's not being held. Towards the end of the video, as he lifts his head, you can see that his respiratory rate is very even as his throat flutters a bit. I'm not sure what this facility is, so I can't comment on care/general ethics, but like. In this specific case, this is an alligator enjoying being scrubbed! And you can tell because he's not doing anything. A happy gator is content to be doing what they're doing.

Why Should I Listen To You?

Now, you should ask yourself, why should you listen to me? Why should you trust me, who does not own an alligator, versus Jay Brewer, who owns several?

Well, first off, there's no profit for me in telling you that what you're seeing on social media is in fact not what you're being told you're seeing. I'm not getting paid to do this. That's the thing with people who make social media content. The big names aren't doing it just for fun. They're doing it for money. Whether that's profit through partnerships or sponsorships, or getting more people to visit their facilities, or ad revenue, you can't ignore the factor of money. And this is NOT a bad thing, because it allows educators to do what they're passionate about! People deserve to be paid for the work that they do!

But the problem starts when you chase the algorithm instead of actually educating. A "smiling" alligator gets the views, and if people don't know enough to know better, it keeps getting the views. People love unconventional animal stories and they want those animals to be happy- but the inability to even know where to start with critically evaluating these posts really hinders the ability to spread real information. Like, this post will probably get a couple hundred notes, but that video of Coconut being scrubbed had almost 400,000 likes when I took that screenshot. Think about how many eyeballs that's reached by now. What I'm saying here is that it's just... really important to think critically about who you're getting your information from. What do dissenters say in the comments? What do other professionals say? You won't find a single herpetologist that has anything good to say about Prehistoric Pets, I can tell you that right now.

Another reason you can trust me is that my sources are not "just trust me bro," or "years of experience pretending my pet shop where animals come to die is a real zoo." Instead, here are my primary sources for my information on alligator behavior:

Dragon Songs: Love and Adventure among Crocodiles, Alligators, and Other Dinosaur Relations- Vladimir Dinets

The Secret Social Lives of Reptiles- J. Sean Doody, Vladimir Dinets, Gordon M. Burghardt

Social Behavior Deficiencies in Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Z Walsh, H Olson, M Clendening, A Rycyk

Social Displays of the American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis)- Kent Vliet

Social Signals and Behaviors of Adult Alligators and Crocodiles- Leslie Garrick, Jeffery Lang

Never smile at a crocodile: Gaping behaviour in the Nile crocodile at Ndumo Game Reserve, South Africa- Cormac Price, Mohamed Ezat, Céline Hanzen, Colleen Downs (this one's Nile crocs, not American alligators, but it's really useful for modeling an understanding of gape behaviors and proximity)

Thermoregulatory Behavior of Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Cheryl S. Asa, Gary D. London, Ronald R. Goellner, Norman Haskell, Glenn Roberts, Crispen Wilson

Unprovoked Mouth Gaping Behavior in Extant Crocodylia- Noah J. Carl, Heather A. Stewart, Jenny S. Paul

Thank you for reading! Here's a very happy wild alligator from Sanibel for your trouble.

[inkskinned]

"your pet doesn't love you; it just has learned that it will get treats if it acts a certain way. it can't understand you."

in between humans, i don't always speak the language either. love has always been hard for me. i don't trust it. i can't read it easily on people's faces - i'm usually trying to read past it; to the "other parts", the ones that make sense to me.

but my mom always offers me food as soon as i get through the door. my brother calls me at weird hours, just to be talking. my sister has a nightmare; asks me to please drive safe in the morning. i throw my friends random parties, just to celebrate something. she drives 45 minutes to spend 3 hours with me. amelia holds my hand while we both cross the street.

no, my dog and i don't have the same language. so what? this is not the same thing as communication. my dog is a good study in how trauma can heal - a rescue from the racetrack; i've been watching his personality develop slowly. in the last year, he's gotten so comfortable with me that he'll ask me to sit down on the grass so he can use my body as a seat. (it's important to note: he is huge. he squishes me. i don't complain. i find it lovely.)

love for us is also just endorphins and behavioral response. i'm a poet, the number of sad men that have tried to "teach me" how stupid it is to be a hopeless romantic is ... not a low one. i cannot count how many times someone has argued - it's all chemical stimulus - as if the fact of it makes it less magical. we're just electrical signals reading the universe! that's fucked up. that's so beautiful.

i find it hard to believe that in the spectrum of evolution we are the only species to feel like this - we already know that dogs and cats also have endorphins. why wouldn't they experience joy? love? companionship? in what world is it a new thing that i had to earn it? in every relationship, both individuals have to work to learn the language. i had to teach my dog what trust is. it's okay that it took time for him to learn it.

in the human world, when i love someone, it's hard for me to speak it. i write them poems or make them food or give them a cool rock i found on the beach.

i don't know how to tell goblin i love him, so i tell him through treats. through a new collar, fancy mattresses, a little bow on his leash. i tell him with long walks and petting him and sitting down on the wet ground so my 70 pound sharp noodle of a dog can prance on my thigh bones and take an awkward - if loving - seat.

"you taught your dog to love you" is kind of a cruel way to reframe what actually happened: i loved him so loudly, it skipped over language and species. the two of us just saying - oh! i have figured out a way to tell you that you make me happy.

[stave-writes]

Scruffy! (Various Dungeon Meshi Men x GN!Reader)

Summary: Your boyfriend really needs a trim of his stubble, and he's asked for your help :)

Word Count: 1711

Laios Touden

We all know Laios does NOT like being scruffy, especially when Falin tells him he looks like their father. So, it's a lovely thing when he asks you to look after him and help him shave.

Laios had been a little finicky lately, ever since leaving the dungeon he was a lot more conscious about himself. Mainly, his appearance. Rubbing at his new stubble and brushing his blonde hair that had grown out in places. Irritation was plainly visible each time he felt the slight scratch of stubble against his fingers, even a slight huff to his tone afterwards. "Hey, could I ask a favour?" was his innocuous question, head tilting back over the edge of your sofa. After an inquisitive sound of acknowledgement from you, a slight smile rose on Laios's face. "Mind helping me shave? I also want to cut my hair but can't see the back."

This is how you ended up sitting on the edge of your tub, scissors working away at the tufts of hair against the nape of his neck. Each little brush of your fingers against his skin caused a small giggle or shuffle from Laios, if he were a dog, his tail would be smacking against your leg so hard it'd hurt a little. A smile was visible on his lips every time you'd lean over to peek at him, and he'd look up at you eyes full of love.

"Did you know that tons of monster species use grooming as a form of intimacy?" Of course, you did, you're dating Laios Touden, if you didn't you'd have amnesia. Instead of an eye roll, you gave a little smile and nod.

Reaching his hand up, a pat against your leg was a signal he hadn't just passed out between your knees while you worked at giving him the cut he liked. A quick kiss pressed to your lips was a thankful gesture, nuzzling into your face before moving to work on shaving his stubble to save you from the beard scratches.

Chilchuck Tims

I see Chilchuck as the type of guy to have some time dedicated to a little self-care, although shaving isn't a big problem considering the half-footer's ageing span. But! His hair does still grow, so some help may be needed there.

It'd been a week since Chilchuck asked you to remind him to go get a haircut, and he still hadn't gone despite your near-constant reminders. Post-its on the counter, on his lockpicking tools, hell you once stuck one on his face for him to see in the mirror. At this point, it was getting ridiculous that he hadn't even gone to try and get it done.

"You're going to cut my hair...? I can just go get it done in town-" He huffed a little at you, rubbing at the back of his neck with a small frown. Your adamance had his stubbornness outweighed almost tenfold, so you rolled up a stool behind his chair and began to figure out how to trim his hair.

Hair was scattered everywhere by the time you were done, and Chilchuck's ego was only a little bruised by the number of grey hairs you saw while trimming it. He didn't seem to mind it too much though, the presence of a wagging tail that was usually hidden away under his clothing batting at your leg. At least his hair was finally trimmed, and a thankful kiss was pressed to your knuckles as you got up to sweep away the leftover hair.

Senshi of Izganda

Senshi doesn't particularly care for shaving or even washing his beard but knowing the kind of bacteria facial hair can carry (and after a lecture from Marcille) he's willing to have you help him with that beard the size of Cousin It from the Addams Family.

"Ah, I suppose Marcille's nagging finally got to me, that's all. I hope you don't mind helping me wash my beard, it'll take a while." Senshi muttered slightly, looking aside as he asked you for just a little favour. It was hard to ask such a thing from you, especially with how much you'd done already for him by just being with him. He felt absurdly lucky when you agreed, setting his helmet and upper armour aside to clean off his beard and hair.

It was a nicer experience than usual having a loving touch working at his hair first to wet it, then lather it and working slowly to get all the dirt out. It took a long long time to finish the first round of washing the hair and beard, alongside the several other scrubbing and washing rounds. It was an intensive process, but being able to smell clearly the soap in his hair was a good bonus, alongside the lack of a helmet.

Letting him dry for a few hours was the best idea you'd had this entire time, able to bury your face against the wall of fluff you called Senshi for a long while. The smell was great and the warmth was greater, you could've honestly slept there if you wanted. But, you had a plan! Readying a comb, boar bristle brush and your sanity, you began braiding Senshi's hair into long thick plaits and tying them off once you were done. It was tenuous but an enjoyable closeness, as you pressed your face into his back slightly. You couldn't help but marvel at your work when you were all done. The happy expression on your face made it hard for Senshi to resist placing a kiss on the crown of your head, a soft look in his eyes.

Toshiro Nakamoto

A large part of the teachings Toshiro lives by is to exist as a convenience to others, not asking much and not putting his needs in the forefront. So, when Toshiro comes to you asking for help looking after himself? It's a sign of trust. He knows you.

"You...would you help me?" Toshiro's voice is quiet and soft as he addresses you, a slight crease in his brow as he looks towards you. It's hard to be vulnerable around you even if you're adamant in your love for him. Even as you assure him it's not a bother to help him and that you're here for him, it's still... nerve-wracking. It's hard for him to settle himself as he eventually moves first to sit down on your bed, having you brush out his hair and praise the length and colour of his locks, he's still worried.

He's guided towards your bath and urged to get into the warm water, leaning his head back so you can scrub away any remaining dirt and eventually, he peeks an eye open to see your face as you work at making sure he's sparkling clean. The slight furrow in your brow, your intense posture and a huff finally as you finish cleaning his hair. He can't help but smile at your effort to look after him especially as Toshiro can feel the exhaustion melt away at your careful consideration of him.

Before he knew it, he was basically asleep in your tub, head leant back with your fingers working at his hair and scalp. The feeling of safety was all he needed from you. When it was done, he dried off and changed into some comfortable clothes he'd left with you before curling up beneath your duvet, head resting into the crook of your neck.

Mithrun of the House of Kerensil

Mithrun struggles with self-care due to his lack of desires and is used to being looked after by others. With you, though, it was different. Your touch was imbued with love, and you didn't choose to look after him because someone ordered you to, just...because you wanted to see him cared for.

Looking after Mithrun sometimes could be a lot, making sure he ate and bathed and slept all while making sure he kept his mana up enough for his work with the canaries. So, it'd been easier to devise a schedule for all the things that would need to be done by day and then by week. Three baths a week, each one day apart. Three meals a day, four hours apart except for dinner which was at 6pm on the dot. A good schedule helped you and Mithrun look after yourselves, but you hadn't quite yet accounted for trimming his hair.

It had gotten longer than you had thought before you remembered to check the length of his hair, playing with the silver locks that framed his face and moved to cover his false eye a little. With a slight curl at the ends and parted just along the side, it was an easy style to maintain, especially for someone so consistently fatigued. So, when it came time to trim it down, an afternoon was allocated and Mithrun was given a book to entertain him while you worked.

On the floor, resting on a pillow was the middle-aged elf who you were looking after. Tilting his head forward a little, you brushed through those light-coloured locks and parted them into smaller sections before taking them between your middle and pointer finger, working to even it out and take a little length off. This process was repeated for each section of hair, fingers lightly brushing his face at one point which caused a little startled jump to come from Mithrun, looking at you with his good eye almost inquisitively. In the end, though, you finished off trimming it all quite quickly, evening it all out and even taking some longer strands from the front and braiding them like he'd done when he was much younger...before the dungeon.

Even if it was hard to see, a little smile played on his lips as he embraced your touches, leaning back after you proudly announced you were done. His face squished into your thigh, a little bump of his against you like a cat trying to get their owner's attention. Taking advantage of your curiosity at this action, your hand was brought to his face and he snuggled into it slightly, enjoying the reaction it spurred from you. He may not desire much, but he knows how to love you.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for scamming my ex out of an extremely valuable virtual pet?

🐓🥤to recognize. This might be a very long post with a lot of added context for a very niche hobby and a very small actual conflict.

I religiously play a virtual pet site called Chicken Smoothie. It's a pretty old site as far as virtual pet games go, starting back in 2008, so there is a pretty solid established site economy. Just for some context, Every pet on the site has a rarity, ranging from "OMG So Common" to "OMG So Rare", being the most common and most rare respectively. But there are rarities within those rarities, where some OMGSRs can be worth more than others based on species and demand. For example, an OMGSR dog from 2008 will be worth more than an OMGSR rat from 2008 despite being the same highest rarity and year, because people prefer the dogs over rats. These pets can get extremely valuable. You can't sell them for real money (according to site rules, but of course there's a black market), but the site has its own virtual currency you can buy (with real money) and trade for called Chicken Dollars, and you can also trade a valuable pet for other valuable pets. It gets very complicated, with the community coming up with its own set of value terms each pet can have. I'm not getting into specifics there, that's not important.

Every year, on December 18th, CS has gift boxes you can adopt from. These gift boxes can contain any rare pet from any previous year, including special "Unreleased pets" that you can only get from these Dec 18th boxes, with a very slim chance. These unreleased pets are some of the most valuable and rarest in the game.

Recently, I had seen my ex posting on the forums. I didn't know he had an account, he had made it within this year, long after I got the fuck away from him, and I only knew it was him because he uses the same username everywhere. This person had groomed me, physically abused me when we were together (we no longer live anywhere near each other, thankfully) and has always been emotionally manipulative. He does not know I play, and he wouldn't recognize my account as me. I took a note of his account and left it be for a while, until December 18th hit and I took a peek at what he had got. And what he got was one of the new Unreleased pets, which currently at the time of writing this only looks like a box of cereal. (Most pets on the site have growth stages.) And even better, all his groups were open for trade, so I took a chance and sent an extremely terrible trade. I told him that this pet would only be a recent rare, and I offered him a "Very Rare" rarity (but not very valuable) pet from 2018, telling him I was overpaying. (In the CS community, this is known as Ninjaing, and it's Not A Good Thing To Do). I didn't expect him to accept it, I at least thought he'd be smart enough to ask in the trade advice thread that is literally pinned on the home page for December 18th, but he didn't. He took my word for it and accepted the trade, and now I own an unreleased pet that will eventually end up as an OMGSR.

What I did was not a bannable offence. He will not get his unreleased pet back. The CS mods are laughable at worst, incompetent at best, and don't do anything to stop scamming. They have an "eh, sucks to be you, sorry, be smarter next time" mentality when people get scammed (Which is insane because there are literal single digit aged children allowed on this site!!!)

After taking a bit to think about it, I do feel a bit guilty because I really would not do this in any other circumstances. I hate scamming. I did what I did out of anger and contempt, and I do feel a bit guilty because in essence, I scammed a new player that didn't have much else and didn't know any better.

I'm still keeping that unreleased cereal box no matter what though

What are these acronyms?

[justalittleficsideblog]

Can I touch your wings..?

Asking to touch / see their wings with Mammon, Lucifer, and Diavolo! i feel like these would be kinda sensitive but not rlly?

Lucifer

you had both been working in his office, you were simply trying to work through your homework without the brothers interfering (as they usually did). Your most recent subject involved the anatomy and biology of demons.

reading through the various lists of wings and their differences, you realized Lucifer's wings were a bit odd compared to the others in the textbook. most were bat or insect-like. Glancing up, you spoke.

"Hey... Lucifer, could I see your wings a minute?"

eyes immediately lifting to meet yours he grunts

"and why.. pray tell?"

fumbling over yourself you flip your textbook over to show him what you were studying. "Yours don't look anything like these! I just wanted to get a better view of them. Pleaseee, it's for my assignment."

rolling his eyes, he stood from his chair and dropped his jacket onto his desk, back facing you. in a blink, they appeared, black feathers swooshing around you.

they were enormous, gorgeous even, the pure slate colored feather tips gently drifting across the floor. you had assumed he had gorgeous angel wings, and that they looked similar to what was in front of you. which made you wonder...

reaching a hand out, your fingertips brushed the spot the wings met his back. before you knew it, he whirled in front of you, grabbing your wrist that was touching his wings.

you staggered back at his reaction, trying to pull free from his grip.

"Don't" he released you as you fell back into the chair, gaping up at him.

"luci... they're incredible! I- I didn't know they were so sensitive, my bad."

he left you to your studies, but you were completely breathless... wanting to touch them in full again.

meanwhile, as lucifer struck out of his office, his heart was erratic in his chest. the feeling of your hands gently stroking his feathers caused him to bristle, no one had ever dare to touch his wings before you...

Mammon

 Somehow you and Mammon had ended up binge watching nature documentaries as he made an offhand comment about not knowing much about humans and their animals.

So, you had picked one about flying animals and now, the narrator was explaining the different types of wings and how each fits the species and their needs perfectly.

Eyeing the male next to you, you thought about his own wings.

“hey… Mammon?” you murmured, causing his head to turn towards you as he raised an eyebrow in question. “I mean… can you show me your wings? I kinda want to compare them to what I’ve seen in the human realm.”

He shuffles awkwardly between himself, turning his head away, “the hell would’ja wanna do that for? You’ve seen them plenty.” You huffed at his reply and grabbed his shoulders, turning his face towards you. Blinking up at him, you gave your best puppy dog eyes.

He squirmed away from you, “uGH, fine! Just… turn around!”

Happily scooching back, you felt a slight breeze as his wings popped out. Glancing at them, you stared in awe as you came closer, looking over the white, bony structure connected by a thin, black membrane that seemed almost translucent the more you looked at it.

You reached out a hand, fingertips brushing along the sharp edges. You felt Mammon shiver beneath your touch, his face becoming flushed as your gentle touch. Were they sensitive? You thought, bringing your hand to wrap around where it connected into his back.

He jolted, wings disappearing as he spun around to face you, sweat starting to slick his brow as he brought up his wrist to cover his mouth. “Alright! That’s enough, you can’t just poke and prod wherever ya please!”

You laughed, short and soft as he became more and more uncomfortable beneath your gaze. Settling back down to the couch, you continued on with the show.

Unbeknownst to you, Mammon was on fire, the spot where his wings met his back was on fire from your touch. He hadn’t realized how sensitive to your touch he was… but he couldn’t say he was complaining.

Diavolo

You had been playing some games with the lord of devildom, entertaining him with games, books, and more about different folklore and fantasy that humans were interested in. He was particularly interested in one of the mini board characters, a dragon to be specific.

“Indeed, it does look rather defiant, does it not?” he asked you. Nodding in reply, you grabbed the mini figurine from him and turned it around to study it. you took particular notice of it’s wings, the hook looking incredibly similar to the ones on someone’s wings…

“Hey, Diavolo? Could I see your wings for a minute?”

Eyes widening, he tilted his head at your request, looking at how you were contemplating the tiny statue in front of you. Did you mean to compare his wings to this…. Tiny clay thing? He smiled and the next thing you knew, Diavolo was in his demon form.

He turned around and rolled his shoulders back, stretching his wingspan to it’s full length. Your mouth dropped open. Fanned out in front of you, were the largest wings you had ever seen. The muscles and membrane that stretched between the structures of all four wings were nothing but impressive. You looked at the changing colors between the membrane, noticing tiny glistening cells that made up the brunt of it.

“Holy shit…” you murmured. To be honest, his wings very well could have been the inspiration of dragons. They looked incredibly strong… you reached out a hand instinctively to touch the …horn? On the top of his wing.

Diavolo laughed at your expression of awe and desire to touch his wings. No one had ever been bold enough to try and touch them, even Barbatos knew better than to brush past them. But you… were so delicate and curious about them. He assumed you thought they were the stuff of legends.

“Are they to your liking?” he flapped his wings, causing a gust of wind to overtake you. Blinking up at him you responded, “They are… something out of a fairytale, Dia. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so…” you were at a loss for words, extending your hand towards the middle of his back, your fingertips brushing along his wingspan.

In a blink, he was towering over you, his wings cocooning you closer to him as you braced your hands against his chest.

“Oh! I- uh… I’m sorry,” you squirmed, backing into his wings. He laughed, transforming back to his casual clothes from before in a blink. He enjoyed teasing you, but you couldn’t ignore the glint in his eyes the way he turned towards you after you touched his skin.

“Well… shall we continue where we left off?” Diavolo gestured to the games laid out in front of him. You nodded, a bit spaced out by the whole ordeal.

“Dia, I have to admit, your wings are magnificent.” Glancing down back towards your book, you laughed as you plunged back onto the couch.

Unaware of his gaze, Diavolo felt an immense pride at the idea of you admiring him. He didn’t consider himself insecure by any means, but he felt his chest flutter at your words… and your touch, he felt his blood scream when you had touched them.

“Well you know… you can see my wings anytime you like.”

[janus-cadet]

Who's hyped for the 60th anniversary? I am. So, have another doctor-who-themed-tarot-card : the 10th Doctor (and the 14th, now, I guess!) as The Tower.

Can't say I'm super proud of that one, but eh. I tried. Now, why did I choose this card? Great question, imaginary person. Let me answer that below this lovely cut.

I love to use cards about change to illustrate the Doctor- and nothing spells more *change* than the Tower. When this card appears upright, you must expect the unexpected- a massive change that you will not be able to escape. For example, he will knock four times, and there is no changing that. You can stare sadly in the rain all you like, pull your best puppy dog eyes, the result will be the same. Change is here to tear things up, create chaos and destroy everything in its path- weither it would be in the form of an entire planet, a victorious Time Lord or a old, innocent ToyMaker, that is to be decided. This change will hit you when you'll feel safe and comfortable, a fire if clarity and insight, cuting through the lies you have been telling yourself- no, the laws of time are not yours, my dear, and no, you can't help everyone. This change is scary by essence, even if it proves itself necessary ; and Ten, more than the other, is the most reticent to it. Even if after the Tower experience, you are to learn from it, and hopefully grow stronger and wiser.

Reversed, the card suggests that you are undergoing a signifiant personal transformation. Yes, consultant, you are about to regenerate. Rejoice. Perhaps you'll be lucky enough to be ginger. You may be going through a existentiel crisis, because yes, you're probably the last of your species. At least, when your ex is not popping around, which is always such a surprise for you. YOU are the one creating the change, so you can step into a new and evolved version of yourself, even if this version is not blessed with the existence of eyebrows. You can also be trying to resist the change, Mister I-Don't-Wanna-Go, and delaying the necessary destruction. Yes, it's not fair. But it has to happen. Just know that if you continue to resist this change, it will force its way into your life even more.

So yeah. 10th Doctor, as The Tower. I have to admit- I like the french name better, for this one. It's called La Maison-Dieu, or The God-House. Fitting, for such a character, with his burning Tardis.

Only need to find one for 9th, 11th and 12th, now. Perhaps I'll also do the classics, I don't know.

And that's it for today! Hope you liked it. I sure did. As a last treat, here are all of the Doctor Who cards so far ! Funny how the three Masters were my first, and now, the 10th Doctor is my 30th.

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi Quick Reacts: CH45

Slumber party!

Fair, but consider: She deserves a little murder. As a treat.

Kabru be like "IS THAT MY BACKSTORY???"

That sure is....a ship. With no one on it.

Ah, shit the Americans are here.

Two things: Toshiro being tended to like a pretty pretty princess is hilarious.

And also, the fact that they think the elves can kill Falin......... hmmm.... Pressing X to doubt.

............... oh. Laios. 😂

But also like. How was he MEANT to keep it silent? Put a little something in it? I thought since it was a magic bell you could code it to only ring when it's shaken with INTENT?

Fancy ass house.

Also, Namari...........are you hitting that yet? Both of that?

Oh, it's backstory time.

Okay one: that's fucking tragic, it sounds like the Elves are just forcing the dungeons closed with no regard for how the ecosystem compensates and what people suffer by being in close proximity......

And another thing: Kabru. Kabru, isn't that what YOU'RE after? Having all the power?

Why is this so much like that one meme where the girls at the party are looking at you.

It's the same picture.

Kabru that's. That's maybe not the way to go about it. you're going to give them MORE reasons to go in.

Nevermind the governor not being into this 'good boy, now sign' talk, Toshiro's kinda right. Ya fucked up Kabru.

No matter how far Laios runs, he cannot escape other people trying to tell him how to live his life. Poor guy. But at the same time...

Is this real? Or a red herring?

Laios' father and mother seemed to be living relatively pious lives. They clearly had a good house, but it didn't seem like they were extremely rich. Then again, perhaps he's just a cousin of royalty? Is that why his parents wanted him to have children?

They want to.... halt the growth of the dungeon? Is this another part of the natural ecosystem of things? Dungeons growing seems to point even more towards the idea that it's a gigantic, fleshpit-like creature instead of simply a construct.

Then again, constructs CAN be creatures. Like the golems.

Elves not understanding how old humans are continues to be hilarious because like.

As humans, we HAVE this same concept of variant aging. Like. Dogs. We understand that dogs live less than us, and mature a lot slower. But this is.... COMMON KNOWLEDGE. Most people do not make it into adulthood without understanding that dogs mature within 1-2 years of their birth.

The fact that elves, a species with FAR more time on their hands, who have lived alongside other races for AGES....... have STILL not got the general concept of aging down....means their education is atrocious. Or they're all not paying attention.

.......this. THIS is the most fascinating concept in this chapter.

The fallen.... turned into MONSTERS.

We know that dying inside the dungeon doesn't mean permanent death. But dying above-ground does.

We know that dying in the dungeon doesn't mean your body turns into a monster (aside from ghosts and ghouls?) ..... but dying aboveground.... DOES......?

WHAT'S THE TRUTH.

👁👁

Hm.

If Kabru and Laios fused, they could almost make one functioning human being.

Senshi just beginning to speak in the middle of his own internal monologue is so real.

...... what's going on there with the expression, buddy?

Bread.......are they STILL carrying around flour with them?! How are they getting bread?!

Also, it's awesome that the eggs are canonically hard to crack, because it makes sense that they don't break during their many fighting events.

Izutsumi really said ◉_◉

Don't tell me Laios, who is sensitive to ghosts has ALSO been seeing things?

Not gonna lie, that's highkey terrifying.

Props to that ghost that's been following Laios around, not ever giving up hope that it can bother him into acknowledging it.

And also - hey, it already saved them once! that means it's probably not evil!

That, or it's the king of the bloody dungeon. Wouldn't that be something!

[luceafarul-de-dimineata]

Whb kings when MC dates one of their nobles

Satan would murder your boyfriend (affectionatly). He'll be quite pissed that you chose a noble over him, but I think he would act like a dad when their child first gets a date. "Who are you? What are you planning to do with MC? I need a detailed time-table of all the activities. How did you meet? What flowers did you buy them? How much can you lift?" Yeah, he knows his nobles like brothers, but he won't hesitate to abuse his status as their king to make sure you're taken care of. He would be most fine with you dating Zagan or Belial, they're the only sane people in the country.

Mammon would congratulate you. Of course his master would want one of his subjects, they're the highest quality you can get on the market. I don't think Mammon really sees any other devil as being a fully concious individual being. To him they're all kind of like pets. He loves them but in the same way someone might love a dog. So, to him, Mc dating a noble or a king or God himself is the same. He knows that at some point you'll return back to him. He's glad that it's someone from Tartaros since he gets to have you close. He would like to see you with Eligos because you could both be cute together.

Leviathan would murder your 'boyfriend' (aggressively). Oh, you're dating Barbatos? No you're not. Leviathan is a true gaslight gatekeep girlboss, so he'll try to convince you that your little noble sweetheart doesn't love you. He'll go to the noble in question and threaten to have them skinned for treason. He would rather flood his own kingdom than have you dating anyone else but him.

Beelzebub would do one of the following 1. Don't care, didn't ask, send nudes 2. Omg, tell me about it, bestie! 3. Who's the bastard so I know to have a talk with him.

He fluctuates between these three moods depending on what clone you're talking to and at what time of day. He's usually fine with you dating a noble unless he decided he put his claim on you first. It really depends in what order it happened, since he wouldn't try to break up an existing couple, but he won't let you date anyone else if he marked you already. He would prefere if you dated Bael since he knows that guy needs a break... or 1000.

At first I thought that Lucifer would be possessive of his nobles and wouldn't want some random ass human dating them (reverse Satan). But on second thought, I think Lucifer would be the number one shipper between you and said noble. He likes knowing that they are getting to interact with other cultures and species. He would probably pull you aside the first time your boyfriend introduced you to him and he'll pin you to the wall and speak in an intimidating voice "If you even think about hurting my brother, I will make sure you suffer in ways no human was supposed to." Then he just drops you, smiles politely and tell you to have a great date with your darling. He would like if you dated Gamigin because that's his son, but anyone would do.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

i explain india but i'm drunk.

Hello maggots of mine you're all such babygirls and bastards just like Aziraphale and Crowley. I'm so proud of you all for existing. Yes i'm a wholesome drunk you now know this about me. The wine tastes like rotten grapes and smells of battery acid and cost 245 rupees INR. Speaking of INR, thanks to a maggot's ask, I'm here to explain India. I've never set foot outside of this country. But I'm also very very shit at general knowledge.

To any non-Indians reading this, this is a totally legit 1000% everything covered all-inclusive summary. To any Indians reading this, I'm so so fucking sorry.

India, explained.

So there's south india and there's north india and there's north east india. north india is very racist about south india and they're both very racist about north east india. Most of these people are also probably racist either to other countries or they have internalised racism. It's a wild trip.

There are. A lot of languages here. And a LOT of scripts. I can read two scripts, understand four Indian languages and speak in two of them (badly), and those two are not my native tongues. I cannot speak in my native tongues. It's basically English at this point. These aren't dialects, those are separate. Picture like, Europe, but more, in terms of how many languages.

Everyone hates each other which is valid for the entire planet honestly.

In south india we have a lot of coconuts. Like a lot. There are so many coconuts you have no fucking idea guys you cannot escape the coconuts. I was nearly killed by a shower of coconuts when I was 5 I escaped by one second.

There are also cows. People will tell you that you are being racist when you say India has cows everywhere. But it's true. Two weeks ago I had the pleasure to be stuck in a traffic jam. Next to the street barrier thing (what divides a street im too drunk for this) I saw a huge bull fucking HUMPING a cow. The vehicles just had to move around them. They were having sex right there.

If you're a middle class Indian kid, your career options are: doctor, engineer, scientist, CA, lawyer, government official or family disappointment.

Needless to say, I was going to be doctor and am now instead family disappointment. I'm babygirling so hard it's insane. The prodigal son.

It's very ace-friendly and heterophobic in the sense that you are not supposed to be exhibiting any sexuality whatever in a respectable household. Just shut up and give virgin birth already. But be married. That's crucial.

Oh yeah gay marriage isn't legal trans people are constantly othered by society and/or given no respect whatsover and we're just all vibing here this is totally not why I'm finishing a small bottle of cheap wine on a thursday past midnight alone in my room.

Foreigners are like a zoo species you see them you're instantly concerned like what are they doing outside the TV screens and then either people are normal (rarely), they run up and take photos or try to slip into conversation (more often than you'd think, even I've been guilty of the conversation thing as a kid) OR they start talking about how 'this western culture is ruining our culture'. Which is fair but honestly both the 'cultures' these people are talking about usually involve incredible amounts of bigotry and are more similar than they think.

I think the lesson here is that humans just suck as a species. Except for you maggots. I love you all and I will defend you with my life.

THE CHAAT. THE CHAAT IS INSANELY AMAZING. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE CHAAT. I HAVE NO SPICE TOLERANCE SO I HAVE TO BEG ON MY KNEES FOR THE SPICES TO BE REDUCED BUT STILL. THE CHAAT. THE CHAAT, YOU GUYS. YOU NEED IT.

Sorry yes I'm normal. ALSO THE STREET DOGS. THE INDIES. THEY'RE SO LOVELY AND SWEET AND CHAOTIC AND I KEEP TALKING TO THEM. Once when I was crying I made the dog distress while and like five dogs that I didn't know came running to me and comforted me and licked me.

INDIAN DANCE MUSIC. I FUCKING LOVE IT IT'S INSANE. My family were elitist as fuck so I never got to listen to Bollywood music as a kid but it's AMAZING I'm so glad it exists. Bhangra too.

Beaches very very pretty hills very very pretty honestly the nature is fucking beautiful if you can just quickly pretend humans don't exist, which again is true of this entire planet. Yeah. Okay I'm so fucking drunk.

Yeah lots of diversity which is very nice when the humans aren't screaming at each other about it but the rest of the time it's very nice

The garbage and sewer stories? yeah they're all true im sorry

Traffic rules more like traffic suggestions amirite

Well, we still have far better healthcare access than america. so. there is that.

If you speak English well you'll be mocked and isolated. If you speak English poorly you'll be mocked and isolated. Honestly, just be rich. That'll fix it all.

All the conservatives hate each other and don't realise they're the exact same but in like different flavours.

Oh yeah we have auto rickshaws. Look them up. They're so much better than cars I don't get motion sick as easily in them. But the drivers all hate you and never want to take you anywhere.

Eyyyyyyyyyy it's so fucking fun here *drinsk more alcohol* I am so fucking not looking forward to college.

Please someone crowdfund me out of here let's all go chill in Alpha Centauri I've heard it's nice this time of the year.

I will, however, miss the casual live cow pornos. A true highlight.

[I got this peer-reviewed by my friend in India's top law school, just in case, because I'm too drunk and generally dumb. They say I will not be killed. And they've been on Twitter so.]

Irrefutable legal proof y'all. I don't mean to offend anyone except bigots. Fuck you, bigots, if you're not offended then I've disappointed my community.

[would-this-pokemon-be-a-friend]

Don't know if you're taking requests, but how about Espeon? It's my favorite Pokemon :)

Good news! An espeon would make a pretty great pet!

While they’re on the larger size of A rank pokémon, espeons aren’t much bigger than a large dog. Personality-wise, they’re sweethearts that have extreme loyalty to any owner that they consider worthy (Ruby/Sapphire). Now, I’m not sure how exactly espeons determine if someone is worthy or not, but I trust you, readers. I think you’re probably worthy. Only worthy people read this blog. Also, I bet treats would help.

Espeons have a strong protective instinct, and will do everything in their power to protect beloved humans (Ruby/Sapphire). This species had evolved some impressive precognitive powers specifically to protect themselves and their trainers (Ultra Sun, Ruby/Sapphire), but these powers aren’t all psychic. Espeons are covered in fine, velvety fur that is sensitive enough to read air currents and predict the actions of any perceived threats (Gold, Diamond/Pearl) or even the weather (FireRed). Their predictive abilities, based on this physical sensitivity, is said to be so advanced that espeons can even predict what their enemies are thinking (Black2/White2)! They use this power to keep the ones they care about out of harms way, which is. A huge plus. Unfortunately, it also means that they will be able to tell when you are planning to give them a bath or take them in to the vet for a check-up, so some extra coaxing might be needed.

Given their predisposition to protect humans, espeons are pretty unlikely to attack a human. This is good, since beyond their sensitive fur they do possess some pretty formidable psychic powers. Espeons built up energy in the orb on their forehead by bathing in sunshine (Ultra Moon), which they can unleash in powerful attacks (Moon). Espeons can use moves like Confusion to not only hurt targets but send them into a daze, or use other moves like Psybeam, Psychic, and Future Sight to batter enemies with telekinetic power. Espeons can also attack physically with bites and scratches, though these are not quite as dangerous. All things considered, given their protective instincts, these abilities aren’t too much to worry about so long as you have your espeon’s best interests in mind. If something does go wrong, however, you’ll be able to tell when a psychic attack is coming if the orb on their head begins to glow (Diamond/Pearl). I would strongly consider training as well, just to ensure your espeon doesn’t attack someone on the street because they assume they’re a threat to your safety.

Overall, given their loyal personalities, espeons would make great pets. So long as they are properly socialized so as to not be overly paranoid about other people in your life (and so long as you are worthy), they aren’t too much of a threat, which is an added bonus. Also, as I always much point out even though it doesn’t really impact their score: they are very cute.

[dinocanid]

This might be a hot take related to the current discourse (and is much more broad than the original topic and only tangentially related) but like, I don't think you have to know anything about your kintype/theriotype/etc. to know that's what you are.

Not to say that research doesn't help people, it certainly can help someone confirm/deny what their nonhuman identity is, and it is possible to be wrong the first time around, but for some people that's legit just bonus information. Neat to know but not necessary to figuring things out. It makes absolutely zero sense to be like "you can't be sure unless you can recite some wikipedia facts to me right now", or if you can play spot the difference between two (very similar looking) species. There is no alterhuman diploma.

To use a personal example: one of my kintypes is a wolf, I do not know most things about wolves off the top of my head. Don't ask me anything about wolf ecology outside the bare basics, I couldn't tell you. When I was really young I thought my nonhuman identity was a dog until one day I had the epiphany that I was actually a wolf. I didn't have to bury my head in research to figure that out, I just knew for not much reason. Any information on wolves I know today is stuff I picked up here and there over the years, independent of my identity. Even so, most wolf facts are irrelevant to me as a wolf since I wasn't wild and don't act like most wolves do or have the same instincts or behaviors. If anything I would've been thrown off-path, possibly for years, because my experiences didn't match that of wild wolves.

All this to say, you do what works for you and don't set the bar for entry based on your personal journey. Your experiences are not universal and all that. Some people just know for no reason, that's fine. Some people don't know and need that extra research, that's ok too. This feels like The Discourse Ever(tm) to be starting 2024 with, this feels like something people would've argued about in 2010.

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Hello! I've never sent an ask to anyone before, so I don't know if I'm doing this correctly! But I seriously love your aus, so I just had to try <3

For your monster!au, do you think that there is a difference in the kinds of food they eat between monsters and humans? The kinds of food, seasoning, preparation, how it's cooked, even the degree to which something is cooked. Especially with how you mention in another post about how some species can't eat certain foods.

Like, does Yuu (female pronouns please! Or gender neutral if you prefer) come to their world and have to figure out how to cook with ingredients she's never seen before, or does Yuu just start to cook things in ways the monster bois have never seen or thought of before? Would the boys enjoy it? Would it be safe for them?

Or do you think there wouldn't be much of a difference?

Also, out of curiosity, which species would you say has the most diverse diet?

I seriously love your page! Keep up the amazing work! Stay safe and stay healthy!💙💚😃

Thank you for sending in an ask! You did it correctly, don’t worry c: And thank you so much! I’m glad you love the AUs so much to send something in! ;;v;;

To a degree, the food being cooked in the Monster!AU would be different depending on the species. I know I’ve pretty much beaten the grape incident into grape juice already, but while some may be okay with eating it, other students can’t due to it being toxic (I looked it up, and cranberry wine is a thing. That means Crewel can still enjoy a glass of wine, and it’s possible that the monsters/ghost chefs would use it in cooking instead of grape-based wines!). The same could be said for certain herbs and spices that we take for granted being something that can make them sick or can be just as toxic as grapes, like onions or garlic. Chocolate can still be a thing for some species, but carob is the main alternative that’s available—which means Yuu will still have access to it at least!

There’s also an extra sensitivity to citrus based scents. Using citrus juice to cook something like ceviche for example would be difficult, as not many can even get past the smell even if the taste itself is amazing. Funny enough, there’s actually this one manga I came across called “His Majesty the Demon King’s Housekeeper” that actually touches up on this fact as citric acid is one of the few ways to clean certain stains off surfaces, but most of the cleaning staff in the mansion couldn’t stand the smell of the orange peels until it was turned into a powder form by the demon king. It’s such a cute manga, and has lots of helpful tips too, so it’s a win-win!

If you can’t tell by now, Slice-of-Life manga and stories are my jam. I love when they touch up on things that we don’t normally think about and put a spin on things! >v<

Anyway, as you can imagine, if (and that’s a major IF) we were strictly to focus on the ingredients we know in our world, recipes would have to be tailored to be suitable to each species to avoid causing issues while ensuring that each student has the right nutrients needed to sustain their bodies. This would have resulted in having to find alternatives that are safe for students to enjoy while still being able to ensure safety to avoid severe allergic or otherwise dangerous reactions to having something they shouldn’t.

That would be one helluva menu to try to cater to when you can’t use certain seasonings to flavor things. Good thing Crowley has those ghost chefs to work with the menu, because I certainly couldn’t fathom the mental gymnastics of creating that kind of menu! @.@

But to put it in perspective, it’s like trying to give chocolate to a cat or dog when we have alternatives such as carob as I mentioned earlier. Or how people who are lactose intolerant have almond or oat milk or even goat milk as an alternative, or how there are gluten-free alternatives for those who can’t have it due to celiac disease. Just to name a few examples anyway, since I know there are people out there who have restrictive diets due to health reasons.

Thankfully, these guys aren’t entirely missing out on flavor since in Twisted Wonderland—much like how they have unique flowers and plants such as mandrakes right around the corner—I’m sure there’s no limit to the types of ingredients that can be used to cook with! In fact, I’m reminded of this manga that I’ve stumbled across that I gotta start from the beginning known as “Delicious in Dungeon”. Basically, it’s where the characters are traveling in a dungeon and they not only find monsters and creatures to hunt and eat (not like there’s a grocery store or market inside a dungeon), but also demonstrate how to prepare and cook using the ingredients found in the dungeon as well as the creatures themselves. It just looks so delicious whenever they show the results and what you can do with the extra stuff you can’t eat!

But I digress. ^v^;

This means that Yuu will have lots of new ingredients to try and explore in various dishes, and this also means new opportunities to learn new recipes! Imagine what you’d be able to learn during the Master Chef event too!

So…what happens when you have a female human who has excellent taste buds and a love of cooking and also loves to cook for others? You’ve got a whirlwind of ingredients flying around and waves of delicious smells wafting through the air leading many drooling students investigating the source (and trying to sneak a bite).

Iron-stomach gourmet Grim is the one who gets to enjoy Yuu’s experimental cooking at first. After all, why shouldn’t he be able to enjoy the spoils of his hench-human cooking for him? He’ll try guiding her with his knowledge of flavors and what tastes good, and she learns which seasonings to use for each dish whenever she talks to Trey or Jamil or even Azul. His bragging of being the first to try true human cuisine wound up drawing in the first years, many curious to see her in action while others hoped to try and sneak in a free meal.

Imagine if she cooked two-three meals a day: mini waffles and giant pancakes that are several inches thick? She’s adding various fruits and berries and pairing it with the perfect syrup! Homemade chicken or beef soup? Simmering with noodles boiled to perfection! Roasted pork and beef stew? Veggie stir-fry? Baked fish? Burgers? Pizza??? Nothing is off the table when Yuu is in the kitchen! And don’t get started on the different desserts she could whip up with Trey!

Soon enough, word would have spread around the school about the human’s delicious cooking and it won’t be long before Yuu has visitors around every meal time.

/////

Yuu:*whisking eggs as the rice cooks* “Breakfast’s almost ready, Grim!”

Grim: “Hooray! Omurice cooked human-style~!”

Knock-knock-knock!

Yuu: “Come in!” *pouring the egg into two skillets before looking up* “Oh, hey guys!”

Ace: “Hey, Yuu! Whatcha making?”

Yuu: “I’m making omurice. I asked the chefs in the cafeteria how to make it and…wait…” *narrows eyes* “Did you guys come here just to get breakfast?”

Deuce: *sheepish* “Sorry, Yuu…we just really like the way you cook.”

Yuu: *sighs and smiles* “It’s okay. Next time, just let me know ahead of time so I can prepare more, okay?”

Grim: “Don’t even think of taking my portion!”

Ace: “Aww, is that any way to treat guests, Yuu?”

Yuu: “Grim, be nice.”

Grim: “What?! That’s not fair!”

Deuce: “I can wait my turn. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Yuu: “Could you chop up some more veggies and measure out the rice? Ace and Grim can have the first two, then we’ll have the next batch.”

Grim: “Stop encouraging them!”

Ace: “Oi! As if you don’t eat the food at the Unbirthday Parties!”

Grim: “Oh yeah?! Well I-mfh!?”

Ace: “Mfhg!?”

Yuu: *dusts hands after shoving two meat buns into their mouths* “There will be no fighting in my kitchen, you hear me?”

Ace and Grim: “Yeth m’m…”

/The Next Day/

Yuu: *standing in the doorway with a bowl of pancake batter* “…are you here to socialize or do you want to try some of my cooking?”

Silver: “Fa-I mean, Lilia…decided to cook breakfast today. He wanted to try and cook some old human recipes, but…”

Sebek: *looking mildly nauseous* “I did what I could to protect Lord Malleus, but…human food should not look like that.”

Yuu: “Ah, okay. Come on in. I’ll get another batch ready, so help yourself to the ones on the table! There’s fresh fruit and whipped cream there too.”

/////

I have a feeling that Yuu would be getting a lot of visitors from Diasomnia on days that Lilia does the cooking, and I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to feed them too! 😌

As for the “food bribes”…well, it’s kinda hard to argue with the results. Especially when they can be very valid trades. Yuu wants a specific utensil to make that special treat or meal? You’ll get first dibs on the finished dish!

Oh no, Yuu needs help with this potionology assignment and made too many cupcakes to eat by herself! If only someone could come and help with both…

As you said, there are many possibilities of how Chef!Yuu could take advantage of their knowledge and skill around the kitchen! And before I forget, if I had to choose which species would have the most diverse diet…I would have to say it’s a tossup between the basilisks and the faun and satyr species. Basilisk can essentially eat nearly anything without much issue as their stomach acid is strong enough to even digest rocks and crystals, whereas faun and satyr can eat most any plant and fruit or vegetable imaginable and can tolerate some forms of meat without issue. Though if you really want to enhance the dietary variety possibilities, Epel and Trey would have this in the bag as these two are hybrids of two different species, making them truly omnivorous like humans!

[riggedbones]

making a dashboard simulator post from my octopus world that is so inscrutable .

2 notes

🐕 themodernwisdom

stop fucking telling me it’s problematic to have “humans dni” on my carrd none of you understand how traumatizing a symbiosis breakup can be.

👨‍💻 typical-hue-man follow

traumatizing for who 🤨 lmao you weren’t even the one dependent on them for survival

🐕 themodernwisdom

do you not know what dni means.

#blocked. #youd think after all these millennia they’d evolve some reading comprehension

52 notes

⚡️ psychiclesbian

like i don’t esp like how often were asked about our sex life but like yea i mean they’re right. tentacles 👍👍

#minors dni #like if they rly want to know just find an octopus whos dtf not that hard #i mean. okay maybe a bit hard. but idk they’re online sometimes?

3 notes

🎛 oldstructuremusings

just got the most insane piece of fanmail what the fuck. why is this child learning local human language from my radio show. in the middle of the fucking ocean. apparently they can’t pick anything else up that isn’t the occasional raven station but like i feel like i have some sort of responsibility to not teach this kid how to say fuck every five seconds.

#text #its probably too late tbh #if the kid is seeing this. get off of tumblr

12 notes

🦋 lonesomedreamer 🔁 why-no-pigeon-emoji follow

🐦 why-no-pigeon-emoji follow

does anyone know how human symbiosis works i saved this guys life right after his cat friend died and i think he is getting attached. or something.

🚧 mazemaster follow

ur not a dog or cat ur fine.

🦋 lonesomedreamer

it’s a common misconception, but humans can actually form symbiotic bonds with any sapient creature, actually! the relationship mostly helps with their social and mental requirements, and if there are enough humans in an area to form a community, they’re actually not at all reliant on forming interspecies symbiotic relationships! doesn’t really happen where i’m from though, i think last i heard there are maybe 6 humans in the area max 😅

🐦 why-no-pigeon-emoji follow

everyone stfu he made us matching outfits im gonna cry

#omg this is so cute 🥺 #i'm glad things worked out

5,923 notes

🌿 grasstoucher 🔁 toogenericusername follow

🐚 molluskfan12 follow

currently keeping some smaller snails atm after you-know-what >_> their shells are a more fragile but the meat is better imo. hope it'll work out still!!

🪶 aviandinosaurs follow

cottagecore bloggers off the shits lmao what is this

🐚 molluskfan12 follow

what the fuck is a cottagecore

10,239 notes

⚡️ psychiclesbian 🔁 undereclipse follow

🗼 prehistoric-structures follow

i'm curious!!!

🌅 sundownscare follow

op i appreciate the button for humans in theory but are you under the impression that we don't show up in our own creation myths???

🕸️ veryseriousmonkey follow

maybe they just want to know about other species, like humans appearing in their own myths is p much a given lol

🗼 prehistoric-structures follow

oh yeah thats... totally why that's there

#they forgor 💀

42,143 notes

🌿 grasstoucher

do you think they had discourse like this pre climate disaster like it was just humans at that point how bad could it rly be

[jymwahuwu]

My really horny rant: Being Yingxing's apprentice, loyal to him in every way and following his every word to the letter. He really couldn't ask for a better disciple, bonus points if you're a short life species like him. He can't help but brag about you to his friends, saying how you met, or exceeded, his every expectation. You, who came from some backwater planet on the edge of known space with no living relative, can create things even Xianzhou natives struggle with. Jing Yuan can't help but feel... Intrigued, wondering if you really were that good.

The first time you meet him doesn't go very well, he quite literally barges into your workspace mid-project. You almost burned yourself when he announced his presence with that damned :3 smile. So yeah, you immediately don't like him, but all Jing Yuan sees is a feral little cat covered in soot. He just can't take you seriously, no matter how many times you tell him to leave. Yingxing has to come over and drag the lieutenant out to finally give you some peace...

It doesn't last long. Jing Yuan pops in seemingly everyday, all when you're working. Being kicked out many, many times. But slowly, you begin to grow used to him, even clearing out a section where he's supposed to stay.(He never does) Eventually, he invites you to his place, saying it's only fair since he knows your space like the back of his hand now. You reluctantly agreed, already planning revenge for all the times you stressed over upcoming deadlines thanks to him...

Yingxing doesn't see you until the next day, well, more like night. He's the last one in the forge when you come stumbling through, out of breath with your head down. Red flag #1. You ignore him and head straight to your workspace, immediately tipping over the table where Jing Yuan usually(supposed) sits. Red Flag #2. He finally corners you, trying to figure what happened. But all you do is turn away and get to work on your latest project. Red Flag #3.

It takes some coaxing, but Yingxing is your master, one of the only stable figures in your life, surely you could trust him? (No, not really...) Seeing your teary eyes and vulnerable figure awakens something in him, you're his student, his successor. His and no one else's, especially not Jing Yuan's.

What happens next? Congratulations! You now have two prominent and influential Luofu figures fighting over you. Jing Yuan, who looks nice and trustworthy, but makes sure you can't even walk without his help. And Yingxing, who despite his arrogance and rough exterior, will cradle you gently at night while pressing your bodies as close together as possible.

Meanwhile Dan Feng is wondering what the hell happened to make these two fight like cats and dogs.(Can he join-)

Mean dom Jing Yuan and soft dom Yingxing agenda, basically.

I can't think of anything else to add, but I figured you were sharing the story with me, so I'd say that's good! Thank you! Jing Yuan wants you after Yingxing brags about you! Jing Yuan's ":3" smile part very funny. He waits for you and invades your place.

Oops, you went to Jing Yuan's place alone. He'll definitely be groping you for at least an hour…

There is also the part about Master Yingxing, I love Master <3 Maybe he is a little slow and doesn't realize that he actually likes you…

They fight for us >_< Maybe…maybe, after deliberation they will decide to share?

[luboy7rt]

What Animal Team Ghosts Would Randomly Bring Home To You (Headcanons)

(Remember This is just what I (My headcanons), enjoy reading!)(Could be seen as Platonic, Romantic?) (GN Reader) (Elias, Hesh, Logan, Keegan, Merrick, and Kick)

Elias Walker: 

-  Elias has.. habits. He brings home a lot of different animals throughout the years, Riley being the permanent house/military dog.

- Elias has definitely brought home any animal he thinks needs rescuing, one day it will be a cat, the next a little bird, then next a little mouse that needed saving from a mousetrap. You cannot stop this man, he has a mission in just rescuing animals as a unsuspecting side gig to being a literal military commander. (I like to think he's a animal lover, even if it's a ‘secret’)

- You point out a stray dog or cat? That's his now, (if the animal will allow it and wants to come with), Hesh and Logan have gotten used to their father bringing home random animals “...Can we even keep that, Dad?” Hesh would ask every time if it was a random animal that shouldn't be a pet. “Why Not.” Would be Elias's answer every. Damn. Time. 

- Elias would also ensure to tell you, Hesh, Logan, to not touch the more aggressive or ‘spicy’ animals he brings home, basically makes sure you all respect the animals and ensure the animals wouldn't hurt you three.

- If any of the animals he brings home are ‘unfit’ To be around kids (yes, he still calls Hesh and Logan kids, and maybe even you too if you have that type of relationship) he would find a good animal shelter, sanctuary or a good home for the animal.

- Why do Hesh and Riley have a good relationship? Elias taught Hesh how to train Riley, ensuring that Hesh would always know Riley has his back, having Riley around brought a sense of security to Elias as he felt like his boys could be cared for by Riley even if he wasn't around.

- Elias would give a deep chuckle with a half smile as he walks through the front door, spotting you as he carried a small bird in his hands, he would offer a hello, and show you the small baby bird he was now keeping due to finding it injured in the driveway. 

- Basically most people go to this man when they find a random animal, because somehow Elias is always good at knowing what animal, the species and what the hell is wrong If there is something wrong. Everytime Elias is asked about his knowledge, “Documentaries are nice, you should watch them. Maybe then you can learn something for once” He would respond by accidentally being brutal. 

- “Do you feel comfortable? Or should I find a better home for this little guy?” Elias Would ask you, Hesh, and Logan every time he brings home a new random animal, the house has become a farm at this point. You want an animal? As long as you know how to care for it and it wants to or can be around? fine by Elias, do your research and show him you can care for it, and he'll make it happen.

- Yes, you have random animals cuddling up to you in the middle of the night, is it one of the cats? Or could it be the tortoise that Elias has had for years? Or maybe it was just Riley, you'll be in for a surprise if you left your door open.

David Hesh Walker: 

- Hesh would bring home lizards, just imagine him coming home with a few baby lizards in his arms, Riley having one on his snout with wide eyes.. the dog was very steady in slowly creeping behind Hesh as to not drop the little lizard across his snout and head.

- “Oh, Hey..! didn't realize you were home” Hesh would sheepishly admit, as he adjusted the lizards in his arms, trying to get them to stop climbing everywhere. “...Surprise..? No welcome home..? Alright”

- If you don't like the lizards? He'll put them back outside, leave a little bowl of water incase they need it.. Poor Riley would waddle after Hesh, having lizards all over him, trying to walk but being so careful not to hurt any of them.. Riley ends up bringing the lizards in the house, Hesh laughing if you freak out.

- If you do like lizards? He'll put one on your shoulder or head, bonk. There you go, you got your own little guy.

- Your house gets taken over by lizards, Hesh doesn't find it funny after he found one in the washroom at 2AM the next morning, if you have a fear of lizards? Good luck, you scream? Hesh will come to save you, but Riley likes the damn lizards and keeps bringing them inside accidently and it becomes a big mess. Hesh apologizes about fifty times for it.

- “..This might be a little problem” Hesh would mutter as you smack or elbow his stomach, he would wince a bit and be grumbley he couldn't ‘tame’ wild lizards like his father could, awkwardly rubbing his hair as he would pat your shoulder and promise to deal with it.

- It took three weeks. Three weeks to get all the lizards out of the house, and Hesh only kept one bigger lizard, which he built a cage for and now cares for as it had a small injury.

- He gives a soft smile, and a tilt of the head, like a 'I did it' face, in the end, you both are relieved that the lizards are no longer all over your home.

Logan Walker: 

- Logan brought home a large frog, well like a large overweight bullfrog, No questions asked, No answers given as he just plopped it in front of you. Like a silent, I brought you this.

- If you like the bullfrog? You can keep it, Logan would buy a big enclosure for her, and silently look proud of his work, he would feed, care and love this frog like it's his damn firstborn. Even takes photos to send to you, Elias, and Hesh. ‘Look at my frog. ignore she's a bit big, we are working on it'. Texts little updates about this frog every week.

- If he can't care for it? He’ll expect you to, please care for this man’s frog. You don't have to pick it up if you don't want to but feed her for him when he's away if you are still around the house.

- Logan would randomly just plop the frog on you (if you don't mind), frog on your head, frog on your shoulder, frog in your hands, frog on your stomach.. He would just randomly plop her on you, and smile. 

- If you don't like the frog, he will give her to Elias for safe keeping, willing to just visit his frog but wanting to keep the peace between you two.

- Logan likes frogs, if he finds one interesting enough he will just catch it to show it off to you, a rare smile playing on his lips as he lets the frog poke their head out of his hand to show you. Like Logan is quietly and silently asking if you love the frog as much as he does. If you don't, that's alright, he'll find something else to randomly bring you as presents.. Logan always gently puts the frogs he catches back where he finds them.

- Frog catching was definitely a hobby, one Hesh got him into when they were young children. Hesh may have 'forgotten' about the competition about frog catching between them but Logan would never. 

- Logan actually tries to start this competition with you, who could catch the most frogs? If you don't want to? That's alright, he'll show off the frogs from a decent way away. If you do? Get prepared to get dirty, this is war, mud was on both of your clothes, as you two had looked for frogs for hours and who do you think would win?

Keegan Russ:

- Keegan isn’t scared of many things in life, so when he brings home a large snake? Wrapped around his neck like it wouldn't hurt him, as he causally walks into the apartment, a wild snake around his neck.. You might be a bit hesitant as it's about 3AM, and Keegan just got home.. with a random big snake.

- Keegan gives a head nod as he put the snake down on the couch.. Like it wouldn't just slither off around the apartment, Keegan puts his hands on his hips, and glances at you before glancing back at the snake. “I have a pet.”

- Yeah, that's all he said to you, do you like snakes? If you are chill with it, Keegan's chill, Keegan will buy a large enclosure for the big guy and ensure he's well fed. 

- If you don't like snakes..? Or are scared of them, Keegan will ensure the snake is kept in a large enclosure, and wouldn't take him out around you. But he does keep him, and nurses the snake up to full health again.

- Keegan would slowly get the snake used to his and your presence, feeding him well so there was no accidents, slowly getting the snake used to you both and making sure to do a tad bit of research about this species to ensure he doesn't fuck up.

- “Put this on” Keegan would say with a straight face and a quiet chuckle as he put the large snake around your neck, his hand not leaving but staying between you and the snake's head, and would tease you if you were scared.. but if you got to scared he would take the snake back and keep him away from you. Keegan wouldn't apologize but would make it up to you for scaring you.

- You always see Keegan with this snake, attempting to scare either Logan or Hesh, whoever was closest to him, maybe even put the snake in Kick's bed, having had ensured the other man had no weapons to hurt Keegan's beloved snake... But also giving Kick the scare of his life.

Merrick: 

- Merrick brings home a small baby squirrel, holding her in his gloved palm, as she was covered in dirty rainwater, and oil. Merrick had just returned from a long mission, still wearing his gear as he accidentally woke you up at around 4AM.

- He would apologize quietly as if trying to make up for the fact he woke you up and asks you to start a little bath in the sink for the little squirrel.

- Merrick was a bit quieter in the morning, as he sat by the kitchen sink, not even taking off his gear, you both would gently clean off this baby squirrel.

- If you don't want to keep her, Merrick would be alright with that, very understanding as he would end up bringing her to a vet for them to figure out what to do.

- If you do want to keep her, Merrick would nod and do his best to ensure the squirrel would be happy and cared for. Merrick would pat your shoulder or head as a thank you, and find a nice spot to put the little squirrel, ends up just making a small bed in an old shoe box.

- Merrick ends up training the squirrel to bring him any amount of dollar bills, Merrick would grin when the squirrel would pass him a five dollar bill and give her lots of headsets and snacks. Merrick would give You a smug I told you I could do it look.

- You two end up having this squirrel for a long while, oh you're cooking something? Watch out Ms.Squirrelly might run past and try to steal your ingredients, you want five minutes alone in the shower, Squirrelly is outside the shower waiting for you, you leave the groceries out? Guess who ate them already. 

- Ms. Squirrelly is very loved by all, even if she does steal money. She's a little thief, but Merrick adores her, and yes he keeps that money to buy you or Ms.Squirrelly a nice gift. 

Kick: 

- When Kick walks Into the house carrying a goat, what do you do when it screams bloody murder when she sees you? Kick was very straight faced as he looked at you, holding her up as if to show you nothing bad happened.

- Kick stole a goat. Who knows where he got the poor girl from, Kick wouldn't give You any details, he just walks into the house and puts the goat down in the kitchen, asking her to shut up as he put a plate of fruit in front of her.

- When you ask what the hell, or why he just shrugged as explains he found her alone while doing a test fly with a helicopter, claiming he just found her and took her home.. He basically just kidnapped a goat from who knows where.

- Kick and the goat don't even get along, she will follow him and you around, but the moment shes alone with Kick? she screams, she just makes the worse screeching noises around him, like he hates this man.. But she doesn't leave even if You give her the chance to. 

- Yeah, the goat vibes with you, but it seems like Kick and her just despise each other, like if one of them are in a room, and the other walks in? One of them will end up leaving.

- Kick regretted taking the goat in, he dislikes loud things.. and this goat is loud, she hates him, and she makes sure to ‘tell’ Kick. Kick will look at you with a straight face.. every time, it just makes it funnier.

- You don’t really have much of a choice, unless it is necessary this goat won’t leave, Kick has tried. She just randomly pops back up in the backyard and you both have to keep her. 

- The only time Kick and this goat get along is when Kick gives her food or ‘fights’ her, play fighting a goat, basically Kick has ran out of ideas but it makes the goat shut up for a while.