#Charlotte hates being sick!

[pangirlpanic]

oouuusboqbeoqbxoqb jxwlw

My tummy is rumbling. Not in a good way

Me thinks I have to frow up again soon

[verstappenf1lecccc]

Now that you are gone

please note that once again this is a very important topic this is the last part of this series. if you are not familiar with this series please check the warnings.

Dearest husband or should I say ex husband now that I am gone or will be gone by the time that you would have found this letter. I couldn’t do it anymore lando I saw the way you and charlotte were being burdened by my presence and just knew I had to leave.

You were never a bad husband just simply disappeared from our marriage.

Each day I crumbled infront of you and yet you stayed oblivious, it’s been over 3 months since we last shared a bed and I know you are disgusted by the thought of being with me now that I’ve let myself go, all I wanted was love but I guess it was too much to ask for.

Please don’t try and save me now that you’ve read this, I’ve been gone for far too long for you to simply try now. I know we promised forever to each-other but sometimes maybe it’s for the best that it ends early. Be there for charlotte don’t leave her alone you are the only thing she has left I doubt that she would even notice I’m gone.

I know you hated being told what to do but please make sure charlotte never finds out how I left it’s the only thing I will ask from you. I still love you I promise I just don’t love myself enough to say. The voices are getting too hard to block out.

Goodbye Lando Norris

When lando came home from the club he didn’t expect to be treated to the shrill cries of his daughter, he knew you’d be there to take care of her and had called out your name to make sure you were with her so that he could go lay down the amount of drinks he had plus the cries of his daughter made him want to throw up due to the intense headache.

little did he know everything was simply going to get worse for him.

After yelling your name for several minutes with no response he knew he had to deal with charlotte, muttering under his breath about how deaf you were being. He stomped up the hallway into little charlottes room and based of the little girls cries it seemed like she knew that she had just lost her mother. Nothing lando could do was able to console the destraught little girl. It took him an hour to get her down.

An hour which could have been used to save you.

Lando was blissfully unaware of the heartache that was going to be unleashed into his heart. He searched the house trying to find you and give you a piece of his mind.

When you were nowhere to be found he had the bright idea to check the cameras, and that lead him to his discovery. A rather shocking one that he wouldn’t even wish on his worst enemy.

In the middle of the bathroom deep within the bathtub laid his wife, his one anchor in life through everything the women he called everything laid there in tranquility. The water still and unmoving your body laid there lips blue and cold to the touch yet to lando you still looked like the prettiest women in the world. His mind couldn’t comprehend what was happening it wasn’t until it finally hit that you were not moving, this wasn’t some sick prank or a nightmare that he could wake up from this was his reality his wife was dead lying there cold and dead. The women he called his angel now was an actual angel. He had lost her he lost his love and he knew it was all his fault. He felt shame creeping up his neck knowing he was trying to find you to yell at you. His head shaked with the intensity of the situation.

It was the day after your funeral when lando had found the letter you had left for him and charlotte.

It broke lando to a different level, in his wife’s handwriting his sins were written, he and killed her he had killed you and each day he would pay for his sins.

You were always there, no matter where lando went there was a bit of you everywhere.

He couldn’t get rid of you, not that he wanted to either

The only words he could have muttered at your funeral were “it should have been me, I did it it shoukd have been me she wasn’t supposed to go so soon”.

16 years later

Little Charlotte Norris was not so little anymore, she was now a grown 17 year old girl with questions about her mothers sudden death.

Her entire life she had been shielded from the gruesome reality of how her mother died.

Her father whom she adored more than anything in the world hid the truth from her. Her mother didn’t simply die of a heart attack at 24 she died due to depression, and when Charlotte Norris unfortunately found out the bitter truth due to Lando’s negligence her world shattered.

Her father’s irresponsible behaviour killed her mother.

Landos midnight saddens had resulted in him forgetting to hide away the letters you had left for him and charlotte another careless mistake on his part which would result in him losing his daughter as well.

Charlotte was in tears when Lando returned and he just knew she had found out about everything he could simply feel it.

He tried to justify his actions and decisions blaming it on him being too young and not knowing what PPD was, unfortunately for him his little angel would hear none of it.

She had left lando just like you had.

Charlotte now went by your last name still blaming her father for the years of hurt you went through and how she had to grow up without a maternal figure, she didn’t know why but she always missed you and your soft face.

Your daughter had started up a foundation to help new mothers and fathers with postpartum depression and the anxiety new mothers face. This was the best tribute she would have ever come up with.

tagged -:

@yunnifer

[heliads]

Can I pretty please request Carlos Sainz x reader where she’s rly shy and gets worried that maybe he wants someone more outgoing but he tells her he loves her any way she is? Your writing is amazing 🫶🏻

anon i love you wholeheartedly please let me speak on carlos

masterlist

You are not who you are supposed to be. There are qualifications for being the girlfriend of a Formula One driver, you’re sure of it, probably even a style guide somewhere if you only bothered to look it up. Perfect hair. Clean makeup. Pretty, but doesn’t try too hard. Willing to give up their whole life to follow one man on mad jaunts across the planet. Wherever your guidebook is, though, you must have lost it long ago, because you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing, and worst of all, it’s starting to show.

You never should have gotten into this position in the first place. That isn’t to say that you hate it, far from it; dating Carlos Sainz is the best thing that ever happened to you, making you the happiest wrong person at the right time to ever exist. In every other universe, he’s probably seeing models or actresses, but here, he has you, and you’re willing to fight off every multiversal version of you just to keep everything as it is right now.

Your butterfly effect was quite stunning, actually. You ended up getting tickets to a Grand Prix through last minute cancellations. They were great, came with paddock passes and all that, and while you were lingering through Ferrari hospitality, Carlos happened to drop by to visit a friend and he noticed you while you were in line to get some water. He’s got the confidence of, well, a world class athlete, an adrenaline junkie, a professional race car driver, and so he introduced himself.

Sometimes, it’s just as easy as that. A father’s cousin’s roommate buys two tickets to a Grand Prix, then a stranger’s roommate’s brother gets sick, and suddenly you’re touching down off a plane overseas and walking through the door of paddock hospitality. You wear red, and you are seen. Just like that.

It took one more weekend before either of you knew that you wanted what you had to last for good. He texted you, followed you on Instagram and blew his cover of seeming cool by accidentally liking a post of yours from six years ago. And, when he saw you again, he knew that he wanted the spark between you to be something more, something like a bonfire.

Coincidence may have supported you thus far, but you don’t trust it not to abandon you. At the end of the day, you are you, you are Y/N L/N, and you are so far removed from Carlos’ world that it stuns you to think that you were even in his orbit so long as to meet him. If there are powers that be somewhere in the universe, they’re either playing a cruel joke or messing around to give you a helping hand. 

Hopefully, it’ll be the latter, but truly who knows at this point. As if it wasn’t surreal enough to introduce Carlos to your friends and family as Carlos Sainz, Formula One driver. As if it doesn’t blow your minds that people have started making Instagram accounts just dedicated to posting photos of you and your boyfriend whenever you’re seen out together.

The problem lies in the insanity of it all. You are not from this sort of life, you weren’t born into a silver spoon dynasty and you barely know how to interact with any of them now. You get along with the other WAGs as best you can; Heidi’s lovely, sure, and you were friendly with Charlotte until she disappeared, but sometimes it feels like it’s just you and your boyfriend against the world. Of any ally to pick, Carlos would be your top choice each and every time, but still. The fact remains that he will go out and race and leave you to your own devices, and you lack the extroverted impulses to social climb with everyone else.

This, then, is the main concern. You can pick out whatever designer clothes you want, goodness knows Carlos has offered to buy you anything already, and you can get your nails and hair done before each and every race, but that doesn’t change the fact that you, at your core, are never going to enjoy the paparazzi circus whenever you have to brave it.

It’s just not your scene, that’s all. You’re on the quieter side, happy to spend time with a few key friends but increasingly nervous in large crowds. Formula One is all large crowds, as you’ve discovered; thousands of fans, hundreds of engineers and team members, plus drivers and girlfriends and best friends. So many eyes, all on you. So many voices all shouting over each other.

You love Carlos, though, and you love him wholeheartedly, so you gather up your courage and go to race weekends when you can. Every time Carlos sees you in the crowd, he smiles so widely his friends tease him for weeks, and he runs to you first after every podium and strong finish. You want to be there for your boyfriend, truly you do, you just wonder if all of this should come easier to you than it does.

Also, you wonder if Carlos wishes the same thing. He has been nothing but perfect to you, so the spirals of guilt currently tangling their way through your insides are purely of your own creation, but what if he truly does think like that? Carlos must see the other WAGs, how they shine and sparkle with attention instead of feeling the urge to run. Wouldn’t he want that? Wouldn’t he get frustrated that you can’t be like the rest?

Thousands of girls in the world, and he picks you. You don’t know if it’s sweet or genuinely frightening. He wanted you out of everyone, yes, but he could replace you in a snap, swapping you out like some useless part on his car. There is nothing about you that cannot be replicated in any other girl. Even Charles did it, in a way, got himself a new girlfriend that’s a dead ringer for Charlotte. Carlos has no reason to keep you except for something he knows and you don’t.

The guessing will drive you mad, maybe, but you’ll lose your sanity long before that just trying to keep up with everything in his fast-paced life. You’ve been to prior F1 races, obviously, it’s how you met Carlos in the first place and it’s also how you kept him, but this upcoming weekend is different, this is Barcelona. Carlos is the center of attention at his home race, and every step he takes, a new storm of people is flooding in to ask him for autographs, selfies, anything to remind them that he’s real and right before their eyes.

Carlos doesn’t ask for a whole lot, and he certainly didn’t force you to come to this race, but you saw the hope in his dark eyes when he brought it up oh-so-casually at a dinner last week. You had assured him that you would go there to cheer him on along with the rest of his home crowd, and Carlos had been delighted for the rest of the evening.

You are happy to go, truly, but it’s taking everything in you to keep your smile up in front of the reporters and crowds and fans, and it’s just the first day. All you’re handling right now is qualifying, not even the actual race. In the back of your mind, a voice whispers that it’s only going to get worse from here on out, but when Carlos looks back at you as you wind through the paddock, you just smile and tell him you’re glad to be there with him. You’re here for him, after all, and Carlos is busy enough with race stuff that he won’t want to hear your complaints.

That’s what you keep repeating to yourself throughout the entirety of that day. Carlos qualifies well and is properly pleased about it, as he should be. The possibility of a podium or perhaps even a win for his home race has been one of his top goals for the season, and he’s as close as he can get to it right now. He earnestly talks about it the whole drive back to your hotel, but once you’re back in the safety and peace of the room, the conversation abruptly switches back to you.

Carlos sheds his jacket at the door, watches you flop down onto the bed with a smile on his face, then asks you pointedly, “And how are you doing, amor?”

You smile back at him, the expression trained to perfection after being tested so many times today. “Great! Glad that everything’s going so well for you. I’ll be cheering for P1 tomorrow.”

In truth, you’re tired more than anything. People kept coming up to you all day, assuming that taking a selfie with Carlos’ girlfriend was at least half as good as getting to see him. They gave you all manner of gifts and things to give to him, extracting promises that you’d tell him dozens of different people wished him well. You knew you’d get a lot more attention when you started dating Carlos, but the lack of personal space and privacy at the races is truly unlike anything you’d experienced before.

Carlos has been dating you long enough to pick up on this, apparently, because he furrows his brow and sits down on the edge of the bed next to you. “I’ll be glad to see you tomorrow, but do you want to tell me what is really on your mind? Don’t try to tell me otherwise. I know you, no?”

You sigh, covering your face with one of your arms. Carlos deflects from this attempt to hide by gently pulling your arm away, pressing a kiss to your forehead to make up for it. “Talk to me, cariño.”

You look sorrowfully at him, but when it becomes clear that Carlos won’t let you go until you confess, you give in. “It’s just a lot, I guess. The people and the cameras and everything.”

Carlos frowns. “I can get them to go away, you know that. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

You look away. “I just thought you wouldn’t want to hear it. All of the other girlfriends have no problem with it, just me. I thought you’d want me to be more outgoing, so I tried, I really did, it’s just hard for me, I don’t know why.”

When you dare to risk a glance up at Carlos, you’re surprised to notice that he looks genuinely hurt. “Sweetheart, you didn’t think that I would actually be unhappy about that? I just want you to be happy. Don’t think about me.”

You let out a low breath. “I know, it’s just– I want to be like the rest, really. I don’t want this to be a reason–”

You cut yourself off, distracted by Carlos’ hands still wrapped around yours. Carlos picks up on the obviously dropped subject, though, and looks at you with fresh concern. “You don’t want it to be a reason for what?”

“That you would break up with me,” you whisper.

That’s it, then. That’s the truth. If you can’t live with Carlos’ lifestyle, why wouldn’t he leave you for someone who could? It makes perfect sense to you, but judging by Carlos’ expression, that logic couldn’t be further from his mind.

“No, Y/N,” he says, “That’s not right at all. I don’t want to break up with you, like, ever. Not because of this. I don’t want someone else, I want you. I love you, querida. I love the girl who showed up out of nowhere and made me forget about every other woman in the world. I love the girl who shows up to my home race even though it stresses her out because she wants to be there for me. I love you, Y/N. No one else. Just you.”

And, well, in the face of such passionate declarations, who could stand firm in their own self-pity? Certainly not you. You smile and let him kiss you again and again until you can’t see straight, and after that it is better, it is all better. Hearing it straight from Carlos is better than trying to guess at it. It lets your worries finally sink off into nothingness. It’s just you and him, just what he wants. Just what you want.

f1 tag list: @j-brielmalfoy

[aaronhotchswife]

Behind the scenes

Drew Starkey X Female Reader

You and Drew catches feeling while filming a love scene

Warnings : mentions of sex

"I would get it if you say it makes you uncomfortable to do a sex scene with me," Drew said, looking at the ceiling.

I had invited the cast for a movie night. Everyone was mostly gone, leaving Drew in my living room, laying down on my sofa. I was sitting on the floor next to him, fidgeting with the glass in my hand.

"Not uncomfortable, just stressed," I answered, letting my head fall down to the sofa behind me. "I've never filmed a scene like that before, completely topless I mean, and plus, I don't really have a choice, Rafe and Charlotte are finally going to have sex," I laughed.

"True. After 2 seasons of hating me, you finally fell for my charm," he said dramatically.

"That must be it Starkey," I chuckled, rolling my eyes in the air.

**

As I got out of the shower, getting ready for bed, I hear my phone ding. I check it, seeing a text from Drew.

You ready for tomorrow ?

A bit nervous

You'll do good ;)

I smile to myself, putting my phone on my nightstand. I'll do good.

**

"Alright ! 3-2-1, action !" the director yelled.

Drew is walking towards me, in Rafe's character.

"You don't get it Charlotte," Rafe says, walking towards Charlotte.

"No ! I don't Rafe. I don't get it. I don't get why you can't let me flirt with other guys when you're the one who says that he was not interested in me."

Drew in his front of me, his hands grabbing my face.

"Fuck, I love you so much Char," Drew says, his hands grabbing my face, kissing her. "I'm sorry that I've acted like that, but I just wanted you for myself."

He led me on the bed, hoovering over me. His hands caress my body, lifting my shirt. He looks at me before taking my shirt off and unclipping my bra, his lips all over my mouth and my neck. His lips make their way to my breast, kissing them. I try to control myself, putting myself in character, trying not thinking that Drew's mouth is kissing my breast. I moan, as my character is supposed to do. I'm doing good. His mouth makes its way down my belly, his fingers working my jeans. He takes my jeans off and I can feel the camera being back to our faces. I kiss him, letting him the chance to place himself as he supposed to. To place himself as if he was going to have sex with me. He's kissing me everywhere in my face and in my neck, his finger making its way to my mouth, wanting me to suck it. I feel Drew moving his body to create an impression of us having sex. I can feel him against my core, his breath getting heavier. I moan, he moans. He looks at me and at that moment, I can see Drew's looking at me and not Rafe. It's Drew looking at me, with something different in his eyes.

"Fuck, Y/N..."

He says, before the director yells cut.

**

I finish the scene, a sick feeling in my stomach. Drew left the set quickly, nothing saying goodbye to anybody.

"Drew !" I yell, seeing him leaves his dressroom. "Drew!"

"What? I don't wanna talk," he says.

"What ? What's going on ?"

"You know what's going on."

"The fact that you moaned my name ? C'mon Drew, it's okay. It could happen to anyone."

He looks at me, his face breaking before leaving. I don't know what to do, but I know that he will come to his senses by himself.

A couple of days later

"...Hi ! My name is Y/N, and we're the cast of Outer Banks, answering fans questions !"

"So," Chase said, "the first question is: what is your favourite scene from season 3 ?"

"Mine would be when the Pogues finally found the gold !" Madelyn answered.

"True! Especially when you see them a couple of months later, where they all have what they wanted," I answered, getting a few approbations look from my castmates.

"Mine is definitely when Charlotte and Rafe had sex," JD said laughing. I can see Drew hitting him gently on the arm, making funny eyes.

"Omg true! After 2 seasons, it was time guys!" Madison laughed, looking at me and Drew.

I blush, feeling Drew's eyes on me.

"It is a great scene," Drew responded, his eyes still on me.

"Next question !" Lacia spoke, feeling something weird between me and Drew. "The most embarrassing moment you had on set."

Drew looks at me and I give him a shy smile, the question making us both very uncomfortable.

"I think mine would be when I had to run from the police for a scene and that I tripped, in front of everyone," I say.

"Yeah, that was funny. I mean, not really for you, because you had all your knees and elbows scratched," Drew said, smiling softly at me.

Because the interview finished a bit earlier, it was a great occasion of having coffee with the girls.

"Do you see how Drew looked at you ? He was blushing everytime you looked at him !" Madelyn asked me.

"What ?"

"So true! He couldn't keep his eyes off you during the interview! My guy was mesmerized," Lacia added.

"Now that he kissed you he can't stop thinking about you. I mean, I would be the same if I were him," added Madison.

"You're sweet," I say. "But, I don't think. I mean, sometimes I feel like it could be it and I would love I think but I don't know, I don't want to imagine things and get disappointed."

"Well, in my point of view you should definitely check his version because that man is hooked on you," Madelyn added.

**

I'm at Lacia's, a movie night going on. Since the movie is over, everybody's talking in different corners of the apartment, while I'm outside, taking some air, a drink in my hand.

"Can I sit with you ?" A voice asks

I look over, seeing Drew closing the patio door.

"Of course," I add, smiling to him.

"Having a good night?"

"Yeah, it's okay."

"Listen, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted these couple of weeks. I shouldn't pin it on you the fact that I got kinda excited during our sex scene...I'm sorry but I just cannot manage to make it through the day without thinking of you lately."

I look over him, my eyebrows scrunched together, as I'm trying to process the fact that Drew just admitted his feelings to me.

"It's true, Y/N," he says, his eyes leaving my gaze. I reach for his hand, this move forcing him to look at me.

"I feel the same," I answer before reaching his face to kiss him.

[krewekreep]

Help Me Create Perfection

Tags: Evil Scientist AU, Reseacher!Reader, Mad Scientist!Sukuna, dubcon, enemies to…(have fun), boss/subordinate dynamic, God complex, Yandare realness, Breeding Kink Sukuna wants to defeat life itself…it’s Sukuna, kinda expect the worst.

Summary: 2.6K words. Ryomen Sukuna is on a quest to become God. What happens when his most prized researcher keeps messing up his experiment?

Author’s Note: Not Proofread, always editing. Am not STEM brained in any way…will likely do a part 2 just had to get the idea out. Big Dick smut in part 2 lmk if you want to be tagged

Experiment Mahoraga was thought up by the worst minds in science. Awful geniuses of the world gathering in the shadows of society using money and power to play God. The leading scientist Ryomen Sukuna was obsessed with playing God. Everyone weary of his despicable goal to create life for no other reason than to spite the heavens above. A truly abhorrent, unethical mad man willing to sacrifice anyone to achieve his goal. How useless and stupid all the other researchers were as they failed to report or remove him from his station. If anything, the more people complained how he had no heart and would do anything he gained promotion after promotion soon being someone you could not even mumble a criticism of in fear of retaliation. A once hidden and shameful secret mutated the entire facility now into Ryomen’s playground.

Once the invisible higher ups knew he could be trusted, now biological testing and his hidden goal of creating life was at the tip of his fingers. How prior to his unshakable status, his fellow researchers would clamor amongst each other whispering of how his enjoyment of the job…seemed far too weird and even perverse. How Ryomen until emboldened with indisputable power would be caught laughing and snickering to himself. How a few researches caught him late nights with a genuinely sinister scowl in the dark reflection of his computer. How once he didn’t need to fake nice he would smile that disgusting grin at being given positive updates on the progress if special interest to him.

As you spoke to him of the Experiment Mahoraga’s improvement, you felt his eyes on you in that penetrating, judgmental, authoritative way. How he had no shame to stare into your modest bosom and how he would laugh to himself at your pulling your lab coat closed and hugging yourself tightly. You didn’t back down from him though, yet knew better than to overtly or publicly challenge him. You had done good work in a breakthrough regarding genetics and although no one knew Ryomen’s true goal, Mahoraga being the dirty secret even the uncaring higher ups didn’t know about—being specially selected to join his team was not a blessing. The rumors of a hidden evaluation had you on edge. And for months until Ryomen plucked away who he wanted everyone was on guard. Some even quitting (disappearing) or becoming fumbling idiots. No one wanted to seem impressive to him. Being useful to Ryomen Sukuna meant you were in a dangerous position. Because no matter what there is no refusing Ryomen. So when your favorite coworkers Charlotte and Jeremy looked absolutely forlorn seeing you that morning…you wished you had understood their warning when they told you to call in sick for work that day….

Since the day you and four other researchers in a facility of over a thousand were specially chosen to join Ryomen’s team—it’s as if to the rest of the building you’re dead. You never went through the same entrance again, you never used the same keycard again, your lunch was never the same as anyone else’s, and soon you felt like nothing more than a well paid, well known work slave. How you and the other researchers names felt like bad words over time. How everyone began to move on and no longer even acquired as gossip the whereabouts or day to day of this special group. Charlotte and Jeremy burned out too, not out of jealousy or hate—your professional adults who very suddenly worked completely different hours and couldn’t even talk to them about what you did now. So your new friends are people who all have bonded over a shared sincere fear of their very scary boss and the fact if you guys can survive this what’s a good night out for drinks gonna hurt?

But Ryomen has a perfect ability to appear out of nowhere. Startling you all back to the actual reality your work dogs for someone who is only not called a mad man because the last scientist who did hasn’t been seen in years. How you just were a nerd into planets, numbers, and figuring things out. How you thought maybe you’d change healthcare forever: cure to cancer, cure to dementia, climate change innovations, better accessibility tech for everyone…you’re a good person with a good brain typing in data with a blaring migraine. Cause only God and Ryomen know what will happen if any of you fuck up Mahoraga. But there was a problem…the problem had been going on for three weeks now. It is becoming ultimately clear Mahoraga will not be sufficient if he is only of artificial intelligence and biology. It is failing to pass the basics of being something even composed to biological matter. A hulking bleached white amalgamation of various species. You would call it a monster but the researcher who did…hasn’t been seen in a while either. Whistleblowers disappear or are found dead. Other scientists who have called for Ryomen’s arrest are suddenly silent. It is just simply understood you want you go home and atleast sleep decent at night? Watch your mouth and mind your manners. And thinking about being the one who has to give Ryomen a negative update makes your legs begin to shake with anxiety.

“Ah! Y/N…” Lu, your coworker, looks over into your screen seeing the flashing red of a failed genetics test. He rests a reassuring hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently. Lu was kinda flirtatious but overall just a nerd boy with a caffeine addiction. “I think you need to tell the big guy before he finds out…” You look over meeting his pensive expression with your own. “Lu…I’m kinda in a bind now cause…I didn’t say anything when it first wasn’t working because…obviously we know we can’t say something isn’t going right…” Lu pulls his rolling chair to yours, arm now snaking around your neck. He rests his head now against your shoulder huffing out mutual exasperation. “I worked and worked and worked. We added so much but all these things are just not congruent…we…” your voice drops to below a whisper. “We all know what he’s trying to do…and life can be created without human DNA…but he’s trying to create something in his image…and maybe just like his actual image this deformed monstrosity is just not meant to live…” you finally let it out. You and Lu silent, knowing and praying you weren’t heard. Lu lifts from you placing a hand on the back of your neck rubbing circles to calm you down. “For what it’s worth…I always hoped this thing would never get free of those tubes.” You both look over to the truly terrifying conglomerate of Mahoraga who now after two years of non stop work has only just shown signs of creating functional limbs.

“Are we supposed to work until we die? For something that doesn’t deserve life?” Before you could cap your question the heavy double doors separating you from the rest of Ryomen’s facility flies open. You and Lu quickly hurry back to your stations, anxious and tired. Ryomen with two other nameless assistants you realized were actually his henchmen since they never did anything saunter in. There’s a veil over Ryomen’s expression and you can tell he’s hiding something. But he walks past the both of you as if your nothing. He approaches Maharoga and with what seemed actual affection he coos: “Oh my child. My wonderful creation…” his tone drops. He’s angry. “How if I had the time you would’ve been completed and immaculate…” without another word he punches the glass tube holding Mahoraga. The glass splinters and you audibly gasp at his display of violence. Your heart beats out of your chest at the sight coming to terms with the fact evidently Ryomen was terrifying beyond his creepy intellect. “Yet, as busy a man as I, I’m stuck relying on peons…” his eyes narrow to you.

“You.” He begins his way towards you. His head high with an immensely deprecating glare. You wanted to run but your knees buckled. Your hands clasped to your chest as you could only freak out and succumb to the stress and his overpowering demeanor. He backs you into the wall nearest the double doors he entered from—you look away unable to face him as he hulks over you. “Y/N…isn’t it?” You quiver unable to form words. “Your name is ____ isn’t it?” The second time sounds like a threat. You shake your head with the utmost obedience, almost like an eager little dog reprimanded by her master.

“You find my child a monstrosity?” He bares his teeth, a frightening sight that makes you close your eyes in trepidation. He’s seething as his hot breath causes a shiver to roll through you. “Maybe you’re just too fucking stupid to figure it out? Huh? Hmmm?” He’s so disgustingly mocking as his eyes again fixate on your chest. “I didn’t vet every personnel here to choose someone who isn’t stupid but just acts like it. I knew what the problem was going to be the entire time…” he grips your chin forcing you to look him in the eyes. “I was waiting on you…” You shake your head in confusion. His grip just tightens causing a pain to shoot across your jaw. “Ryomen please! I am trying! You know I have! I’ve done everything I can! It is not meant to live. You are not meant to play God! You are not God! You’re an evil scientist and an even worse man! What will you do? Hurt me? Kill me? Make me disappear?!” You want to shut up. You feel your stomach caving in fear the more you speak but simultaneously if this is the last time your seen then who cares. If this is the last real job you’ll have ever then who cares? If he’s gonna be sure to ruin your life for the rest of your life atleast you won’t be complicit in whatever harm he and his ‘child’ will cause…fuck it.

“Ryomen…you are a sick human being. You aren’t even a human being. You are a monster your damn self. You want to create life because yours is empty, you’re empty! I hate you!” You sound like a petulant child. A grown woman with one of the most impressive resumes in the entire facility being brought to a babbling temper tantrum by Ryomen.

How you don’t know he had to find out who you were the minute people told him he had a new rival…

How he demanded IT connect his phone to the security cameras and how while he obviously got full access he only lingered on the ones with a new girl in a short but professional skirt. How he could tell you must live a freer life outside of work. How he didn’t understand why you’d do extra work or stay extra hours or help other people? That doesn’t advance you. He couldn’t understand why you would self consciously change how you spoke depending on who was or wasn’t in the room. He never had to do that and never tried. Why would someone smarter than other people care to look good to them? Why did you be sure you pulled your skirt down or brushed your hair or? Were you trying to look cute for the male researchers? Ah! A silly slut who will get up in the world by sitting on as many laps as possible…that day he didn’t really return to watching you.

But when he saw you smiling way too hard at a female coworker…rolling your eyes the minute some male who must annoy you began to talk…how he realized oh…maybe it’s not males. His curiosity is piqued so he sends one of his closer female assistants to feel you out. How you didn’t know that breasty coworker with the easy smile was sent to get you on a date to bring back info. And oh did she bring back info…typical STEM nerd but you really wanted to do work that mattered. And that making a change in the world was the best way to feel like everything you struggled to accomplish was worth it. Ryomen rolls his eyes, how about you change the world his way?

He brought you on because as far he heard and saw with his own eyes you had the power of Eureka. Nothing other than somehow when your eyes or hands got on something it was fixed, improved, advanced. He only knew himself to have such a balance of intuitive intellect and practical capability. He was not a fan of people who were weak or incapable. So why did you falter the minute you were put in a better position? Already at an established, distinguished, awarded institution…now amongst the upper rung of the global scientific elite. Ryomen could put you right next to him and you’d only what? Become a God alongside him? How his ideas would meet your diligence. How he could populate the world unbeknownst to everyone they all are of him, and therefore finally worth life. How he thought for once he was wrong…how maybe the one time he did expect the most of someone they crack under the pressure. How again he realizes he is alone in his plight to ascend excellence. He doesn’t want to be God, he believes he can do better. But he’s still begrudgingly mortal, his ideals cut in half by the limits of his body.

You were right. He couldn’t make anything in his image without something human. Something of him. He knew that all along. So how dumb of you to wait chewing your nails and pens to oblivion at every new configuration you tried. How you were the mad scientist unwilling to accept the facts before you. Maybe somewhere deep down understanding then what would entail…what offer might arise knowing you would have to tell him. How hard and angry his cock would get. Childish and entitled wanting nothing more than to feel how he spreads you. How he rested his head against his fist, canine protruding and dug into his lip as you spin around huffing at another failed attempt. How he resents you biding time. How if you just do what you’re supposed to and walk your stupid ass in this office the problem will be solved.

So when you allow Lu to get far too close to you, far too comfortable…and you admit you are failing him on purpose... Now he can’t even satiate his anger with the farce you just don’t know what he wants…but you do. So he has no choice now but take what he wants and youre already weakening in his grasp. You’re already crying your eyes out. He can only think on everything he’s done for you and how stupid you are to lack gratitude. How egotistical you are to think he hasn’t seen every time you’ve rolled your eyes at him. Or sucked your teeth. Or all the unsavory opinions of him you laughed at. How he’s let you disrespect him long enough and far beyond anyone else. If something completely artificial can be made whole with something human, of course two humans naturally can then create a sublime, supreme being…how he’s already past Mahoraga, that will be the pet. How he was thinking much too small, because a child…the possibility of a proper successor in every sense of the word…now you need to stop crying because it’s annoying. You’re about to be so happy, so accomplished. He’ll let you work. You’ll look even better standing next to him. You’ll still get your awards and books and funding yada yada but…you’ll bear him one son, one daughter. Maybe twins. He’ll figure it out. But right now he needs to confirm his theory you’re not Eve but something beyond. And that you’ll help him create life in more ways than one.

[confess-ledzeppelin]

I know I'm probably crossing into controversial territory here, but I'm so sick of logging onto Tumblr just to find people talking shit about Jimmy and wishing the most horrible things imaginable over a single fucking thing. He's not a creep, he's not a pedophile, he's not a Satanist, he's not an asshole, and he doesn't deserve even a fraction of the hate he gets. I see it all the time and it's sickening what people wish on him.

I might as well address the elephant in the room first. Lori's story is pretty hard to find information for since she couldn't tell the truth to save her life (I frankly can't stand her because of that), but I did manage to find the actual facts:

First of all, it was never a "passionate long-lasting love affair", it was actually only a few months (they never hooked up again after that, even in the 80s) and they weren't "madly in love" or whatever. I'm frankly not sure which of them technically initiated the relationship (although it's something to take into account that Jimmy is much more reserved than most musicians (like, say, Jagger), and Lori was a groupie for a reason), but it wasn't the way Lori described it at all. She wasn't kidnapped by anyone, and the version about Jimmy waiting in his hotel room with a cane and no clothes on is the most ridiculous rubbish I've ever heard. This isn't fucking West Side Story. They did meet at a show, though. He recognized her as a model since she was at least decently popular, but it's not like he was just waiting on the edge of his seat for a chance with her.

Secondly, this girl was absolutely not groomed. While there are certainly some tragic stories about grooming and pedophilia in the music industry (or just the entertainment industry as a whole, really), Lori is NOT a part of it. Most of these girls, including her, knew what they were doing but didn't care. After all, why would they? It was (for the most part) socially acceptable at the time, even if it wasn't legal. There are lots of women out there who will admit to sleeping with older men while they were 12-17, I've heard it myself. Does that make it right? No, but it's not like she was pushed against a wall or coerced in any way, shape or form. Despite how her stories change every time she tells them, she has said she looks back on her time with Jimmy fondly (Jimmy was very good to all of his lovers, but whether they were good to him is a different story that I'll get to later). Does he? Not really, no. He hardly talks about it and I can't blame him. But if he could go back, it's something that wouldn't have been repeated. He is a human being who made a mistake that just like every single one of us has, yet for some reason he apparently deserves to go to hell for it. It makes no sense to me. One mistake shouldn't define who he is as a person. And by the way, the "Jimmy Page if minors" memes aren't funny and you know it. Stop.

Anyway, as for what I said about past lovers, it's honestly tragic. First it was Jackie DeShannon, the same girl that kept him physically retrained in a hotel room against his will and assaulted him at least once, all while insisting that she loved him. And he believed it. One of her two songs about him, "Don't Turn Your Back On Me", basically gives the message of "we are going to last last forever. And if we don't, yes we will. Fake it 'til you make it, or else." It creeps me out. Next it was Charlotte, the same woman who allegedly cheated on him several times (even though he was faithful to her just like every other woman he was with), started heated arguments with him constantly (one time during a fight she even slapped him hard in the face while wearing several rings, which likely drew blood), and always retained a very "well he's okay, I guess" view on him even when they were having a baby. Jimmy, on the other hand, adored her and tried to give her the best. He even once said something along the lines of, "as long as I have Charlotte, I'll be okay" when he felt threatened. Basically, he would've crossed an ocean for her while she wouldn't have crossed a puddle for him. Their entire story actually reminds me a lot of Since I've Been Loving You, and he deserved so much better. Maybe there were even more incidents like these that never made it to the public, even though I don't think they're very well-known. Naturally there was also Lori, who was - to put it lightly - way more trouble than she was worth, and just her existence unfairly taints his reputation. There were also a few times when screaming girls mobbed the stage and started taking his clothes off, although I suppose they don't count for this bit.

But imagine if that shit was reversed. He would be crucified. And the best part? People actually turn it around to make it sound like it was him doing all of that. Absolutely rich. I really think people hate him just for the sake of it.

Another thing is his interest in the occult and how he's typically assumed to be a Satanist, because he gets plenty of hate for that, too. I'll put it this way: if I were to be super interested in, say, sharks, does that make me a marine biologist? Even if I study sharks for hours and visit the aquarium every week, even if I buy a whole bookstore about them, does that make me one? No, of course not. I don't see a difference. I know many occultists practice witchcraft and worship Satan and a bunch of really creepy things, but he's not one of them.

People also dislike him just for being a general asshole, and that's just as wrong. He's a sweetheart, a gentleman, and he's actually pretty funny, too. This is the same guy who rushed to help Robert up back when he was on crutches and fell in a studio. Robert said he'd never seen him move so fast. He's been there for Robert through a lot, and I think it should be said that the only reason he wasn't present at Karac's funeral was because he was physically unable. 1977 was obviously one of the worst - if not THE worst - year for him as far as his health; I think we all know that. He had even lost so much weight that his clothes from school were huge on him. But when the media came after him for answers on why he wasn't there, he accidentally made himself look pretty callous (as far as Jones goes on the situation, my guess is that he just already had vacation plans or figured it wasn't his problem anyway).

Also worth mentioning, Jimmy has done TONS of work for charity. He joined and played a part in Task Brazil, the ABC Trust, the Ahmet Ertegun Education Fund, Childline, Mount Sinai Hospital, MusiCares, the AIDS Memorial Campaign and Racehorse Sanctuary (I believe these are also supported by Robert, naturally).

This is also the same dorky guy who was found in a literal pillowcase by a roadie who was sent to wake him up. The same guy who sneezed while recording the Stairway to Heaven solo and grew frustrated with himself and started apologizing while the rest of the band couldn't stop laughing their asses off. The guy who knows not to take himself obnoxiously seriously and can laugh at himself, and has a great sense of humor. He's shy and reserved, but he's always been kind enough to notice when other people have needed help. He's always been a very polite "yes sir and no ma'am" kind of guy who says gosh instead of swearing and has a very soft voice. He's also the ultimate mama's boy, and still is even with her gone.

Sometimes he even says the most beautifully poetic things ever. "I'm just looking for an angel with a broken wing." "I remember when I was young I used to run along railway bridges with 250 foot drops... just dancing..." I mean, come on.

I'm not sure what about this guy is worth hating.

Anyway, that's my soapbox. Thanks.

Also can't fit this onto a picture, so just sharing as is. Thanks, anon!

[atopvisenyashill]

I consider Gael’s death one of the most suspicious ass shit for the crown to ever pull. Like AFTER Jaehaerys and Alysanne’s death was this all revealed? Did no one wonder where potential heir to the throne, direct daughter of the current king went? Did no one think “hey isn’t that too many suspicious deaths in a really short span of time” like many of us fans did??

And like, I get that spring sickness happened but somehow i suspect that that at this point the Targaryen Doctrine of Exceptionalism is well and truly settled enough that no one should’ve EVER believed that.

I definitely see how the Jaehaerys Did Something Theory is very plausible, but I’ll admit that I also consider that Alysanne’s support of Rhaenys leading her to likely going to Dragonstone which is why we don’t see any significant opposition to Aemma’s marriage in 93 AC may have set up a trend in Alysanne coming and going from Dragonstone whenever things got too tough for her to handle which meant leaving Gael behind without the level of care and caution she’s used to from those around her, a slightly more compelling story. Because this is what happens when you take a girl who is very used to be doted and taken care of by her mother and her mother alone only to be completely isolated in an environment hostile to her gender with only maybe Aemma to check up on her who is also 11.

Yeah especially with the “she died of a sickness” thing when Jaehaerys has been trumpeting his family being Above All That for years, for everyone to just swallow it is weird and weirder still that the truth eventually leaked out. like WHO LEAKED IT. WHY. there’s no way there weren’t a million conspiracy theories about it either!!!

and i definitely get your point about gael being left alone unsupervised, i just think that was more viserra & saera than gael - from how often she’s described as Alysanne’s pale shadow, her constant companion, sleeping in her bed, it’s very reminiscent of queen charlotte’s little “nunnery” of daughters - and their suitors were chased away specifically because of this environment. makes me feel like gael was the only real companion of Alysanne’s as she got older, and was being dragged from place to place - not “doting” so much as smothering, as with charlotte’s daughters. especially as alysanne aged and started forgetting people’s names and faces - she needs someone to look after her and it would be difficult to find a new person, so it might as well be her daughter.

for me, Jaehaerys Doing Something is interesting in part because of what it does to alysanne and her rationalizing away being groomed by her own brother, but also, it makes sense that she’d take this approach to her last child - after ignoring saera & viserra so much they start begging for negative attention until it leads to saera leaving & viserra dying, it makes sense to me that alysanne would overcorrect by smothering gael, and that just as her sisters chafe under the negative attention from their mother, gael chafes under the positive and constant attention from her mother, but no one would dare get close enough to offer her a marriage to escape. we already have a few stories where a girl in an environment that hates girls finds herself withiut her mother’s protection with the middle girls; for the youngest i think it makes sense that george would go for the idea that the monster alysanne’s girls ultimately needed the most protection from wasn’t an outsider, but the one in her home, sleeping in her bed.

[mydarlingdahlia]

*writes off on checklist*

Okay, and that is the…8th time I have thrown up today! Alright folks, let’s see if we can schedule another “feeling shitty and wanting to jump onto a bed of nails while also getting rid of everything I’ve eat since last Tuesday with my mouth” session at 8:30 and maybe one more before we clock out!

[merp-blerp]

Gaylor (+ a shred of Kaylor) and The Yellow Wallpaper: Parallels and Theories 📒

TW/CW: Spoilers for The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, discussions of mental illness, suicide, suicidal idealization, and homophobia

Overblown Analysis Under the Cut ↓

The Yellow Wallpaper (TYW) by Charlotte Perkins Gilman has very quickly become one of my favorite short stories I've ever read. Almost as quickly as TTPD became my first-ever favorite TS album after years of liking them all equally. In reading the short story, I've noticed plenty of parallels to Taylor's discography and I've decided to make something out of it.

To briefly (and therefore imperfectly) explain the plot of The Yellow Wallpaper, the narrator of the story, an (officially) unnamed woman, and her husband John are staying in an empty house away from their nearby town. The narrator has been going through poor mental health and John, a physician, believes that treating her with a "rest cure" will cure her. Her husband seems to care for her, but he's also dismissive and not equipped to take care of her mental health struggles as a physician. They have a baby, but the narrator's anxiety stops her from being able to take care of the baby without getting nervous, so the baby's taken care of by a woman named Mary, who's also in the house. John's sister Jennie is also helping around. The narrator and John sleep in a room at the top of the house covered in yellow wallpaper with a confusing pattern. The narrator starts out hating the paper, but as John denies her company till she's better and her mental state gets worse without proper treatment, she obsesses over the wallpaper and starts seeing another woman in the paper. By the story's end, the narrator grows distrustful of John and Jennie, ripping off the yellow wallpaper in order to get the other woman "free" from it. John discovers his wife in her mentally bad state and faints. The narrator ends the story by "creeping" or crawling on the floor and over John's unconscious body over and over again.

I honestly recommend reading The Yellow Wallpaper for yourself to better understand this analysis on a deeper level if you wish, but it's not required obviously. It's available online.

Let's begin!

Part 1: Locked Me Up In Towers 🔑

Both TTPD and TYW share themes of isolation. John forbids the narrator from leaving the house's property and seeing people till she is well. It could be that he believes it'll complicate the process or that he's embarrassed by her illness. He also forbids her from writing in her journal, but she writes in secret anyway, the whole story written in the voice of her diary. This isolation absolutely makes the narrator's condition worse. Comparatively, the basic narrative of TTPD features Taylor being locked away from the world by the industry. The house the narrator and John stay in is described as lavish, yet the narrator feels dismayed by it from the jump. The visuals of the house in "Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me" on Eras match how the TYW estate is described, old appearing, beautiful, but lonely and haunted feeling. Both Taylor and the narrator are trapped in the highest room in the house (assuming that silhouette is Taylor as implied):

The narrator is surrounded by people who don't know how to help her situation, only making it worse. John isn't the doctor she needs, his sister Jennie enables his practices, the narrator mentions having a brother who is also a physician and agrees with John's ideals, and the narrator notes John convincing her friends and family that there is nothing actually wrong with her. Just like monster Taylor in "Anti-Hero", the narrator is seen as too much of a pariah to have around before she's well. To me it seems like John cares about his wife, but is embarrassed by her sickness and tries to sweep it under the rug or hide it, gaslighting himself and her that she is getting better when she isn't. I think the reason why he faints at the end of the story is because the fact that she is still unwell is forced upon him, undeniable, and he can't take it at the moment. He reminds me very much of the subject(s) Taylor sings to in "Tolerate It" and "WAOLOM", undermining. The subject(s) of "WAOLOM" laughing at her till she cries feels reminiscent of John laughing at the narrator when she mentions a legitimate concern she has. Even the original cover of TYW has what looks like creepy laughing faces on it near Gilman's name (it features her married name):

John's not being able to admit what's clear, either because of ignorance, denial, pride, or all of the above, is reminiscent of some fans not being able to see Taylor's pain at her flags being ignored. "My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick" (from "YLM").

Also near the end of TYW, the narrator muses about jumping out of her window. The bars on the window and the social stigma of jumping are the only things that stop her. This moment is reminiscent of a method of suicide, but the thought is treated like a very freeing or gleeful one for the narrator, not pained like you usually get in portrayals of suicidal thoughts. Because of this freeing tone, I initially thought I was looking too deep into the moment, but it seemed to hold water after I learned that Charlotte Perkins Gilman was a believer in euthanasia and sadly ended her life after learning she had breast cancer. Suicide is referenced in Taylor's discography a lot, with lines like "...I think about // Jumping off of very tall somethings" from "Is It Over Now" or "Pulled the car off the road to the lookout // Could've followed my fears all the way down" from "TIMT". TTPD is particularly honest and earnest about touching on these kinds of thoughts in the constant references to death and songs like "The Prophecy". I certainly doubt Taylor believes in assisted suicide, but she does speak about suicide. "WAOLOM" is an interesting instance of Taylor potentially using suicide as a metaphor rather than a reference to her potential mental unwellness. Take "If you wanted me dead, you should've just said // Nothing makes me feel more alive // So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street". To me, it's Taylor longing to kill an old part of herself and become a new, fiercer one. Her old self is executed, but her new self escapes from the gallows like a reborn spirit or zombie.

John gives the narrator all kinds of "phosphates or phosphites" and "cod-liver oil and lots of tonics and things" as treatments that don't help her. Drugs in songs like "WAOLOM" and "COSOSOM" represent the beards and how they lace Taylor's songs, keeping fans hooked, but just like in TYW they aren't helping, they're making the situation worse. "We thought a cure would come through in time, now I fear it won't" (from "YLM").

Part 2: I Never Grew Up, It's Getting So Old 🕰️

As mentioned, the narrator of TYW has a child that she isn't in the mental state to take care of. So she either isn't allowed near the baby or doesn't allow herself near. Interestingly, the narrator's yellow-walled room that she stays in is described by herself as a nursery. She suspects that the house was once a home for several children and that they stayed in the yellow room, but they must've hated it so much they scratched at the wall above the bed that's bolded to the floor. Her possibly living and going insane in a nursery seems to symbolize how the narrator is treated like a child. John constantly dismisses or laughs at her fears, like when she expresses that the house is "haunted". He'll often call her names like, "blessed little goose", and "little girl" and jokingly comments, "Bless her little heart!" when she mentioned her fluctuating appetite. When John doesn't want the narrator to comment that she is only "better in body" and not mind, he gives her a stern look that signals her to shut herself up, like a father to his child. Her baby doesn't sleep in the yellow room with her and John, to the narrator's relief because, "I can stand it so much easier than a baby". The narrator also reports inanimate objects being alive, scaring or protecting her as a child; she never questions or seems alarmed by their supposed sentience and grows into adulthood believing inanimate objects are alive, including what she sees in the wallpaper. Taylor frequently compares herself to a child, commonly lamenting that she's never been able to truly grow up. "The Archer", "The Bolter", "YOYOK", "TIMT", "WAOLOM", "Illicit Affairs", "Tolerate It" and so many other songs are themed around an imperfect childhood, comparing or calling oneself a child, and never growing up.

Part 3: Break My Soul In Two 👥

Very evidently, TTPD and TYW both are centered around mental illness. TYW's narrator could be theorized as suffering from many afflictions like psychosis, maladaptive daydreaming, postpartum depression, etc. While it's not a theory I subscribe to with the story, one popular theory is that the narrator actually isn't staying in a lavish house at all, but an asylum, which would explain the bed being bolted to the floor, the barred windows, the fact that she can't leave, etc; this interpretation would fit all of the mental hospital themes of TTPD. Even if not a literal asylum, the house is very much like a metaphorical asylum.

In the "Fortnight" MV, Taylor seems very distrustful of most of the doctors who treat her, except for maybe the nurse. Similarly, the narrator is deeply afraid of John sending her to a doctor named Weir Mitchell if she doesn't get better while in the house. Understandably so, as the story was written in 1892 when several dangerous or ineffective procedures were still in use on mentally ill people. TYW is based on Gilman's real experiences that she spoke against, Weir Mitchell being the real-life doctor who treated her. The rest cure, or bed rest, is a treatment that requires patience to stay in bed till they are well. But for the narrator, this cure also includes no socializing, work, or writing, all things she enjoys. With nothing to do, the narrator only has her imagination and surroundings to keep her company, but with a mind that can't tell fiction from reality, the rest cure only leads to hallucinations and delusions. The narrator experiences a very extreme case of what Taylor does in "IHIH", using imagination to cope with hating the situation you're in.

The narrator begins to envision a woman in the wallpaper, trying to break out of it during the night, describing the paper's pattern as like cage or prison bars the woman can't get through. The narrator claims to see the woman freely roaming outside during the day, hiding when a carriage comes by, yet she also comments that she herself sleeps all day, Jennie attesting to that. So how can she see/hallucinate the woman while sleeping? She's dreaming about the wallpaper woman, at least to me. The narrator can't seem to tell reality from her dreams anymore. The woman and the narrator mirror each other, both trapped and wanting to be free. I theorize that the woman is actually the narrator's reflection in her window or shadow, her mind too unhealthy to tell the difference between her reflection and another person, seeing that person in her dreams and seeing them as evidence that she leaves the wallpaper. Taylor has envisioned herself as two or multiple individuals many times in music videos like "Anti-Hero", "...Ready for It?", "LWYMMD", possibly "Fortnight", etc. Typically these multiple Taylors represent Taylor being at odds or working with another part of herself, theoretically, her public and closeted selfs, trying to break out of the closet. TYW ends with the narrator breaking the woman out of the wallpaper and seeing herself as one with the woman or exclusively the woman, no longer her old self. The narrator tells John before he faints, "I've got out at last… in spite of you and Jane," a character named Jane never mentioned in the story before or after (this is why it is theorized that Jane is the narrator's name). The narrator sees herself as liberated this way. It's a common gaylor theory that these split Taylors will become whole once Taylor escapes the closet and comes out.

Part 4: Step Into The Daylight ☀️

To finally address it since I've edged you about the gay part long enough, yellow is seen as the closeting color to gaylors. In the Lover house, the Evermore cedar-colored closet is filled with yellow clothes. The inhabitance of the yellow Fearless room are upside-down playing games; I see the yellow Fearless room being an upside-down game room as depicting Taylor and her lover as closeted but signaling or playing games with people to show they're queer rather than tell yet. Taylor wears a yellow dress when she ghosts the prince but keeps the castle in "Bejeweled". Shades of yellow are typically opposite to shades of purple on the color wheel. Purple colors like violet and lavender are often used as queer and sapphic symbols, such as Sappho's "violet tiaras" poem and the Lavender Menaces. Of course, there's the song "Lavender Haze", as well as Taylor's glittery purple blood in "Anti-Hero". In my mind, purple is a color that symbolizes queer passion for Taylor. The "ultraviolet morning light" in "Afterglow" reminds her why she's fighting to keep her lover, she wants to keep her spirit in the lavender haze with her lover, and sucker punches walls till her hands are bruised purple like violets in "The Great War" when she's mad at her situation.

For TYW, I interpreted that the wall is yellow, a traditionally happy color, because the narrator finds solace in what she sees in it, yet the paper is also a manifestation of something as painful as untreated mental illness. The yellow both juxtaposes and complements the narrator's changing feelings, much like Taylor's yellow closet, but, for Taylor, the changing feelings are in reverse order. Taylor starts out content with the yellow, earlier songs being okay with or even romanticizing the secrecy as being out seems like more of a dream rather than an active goal to achieve. Take songs like "IKP" or "ICSY". But later on there are also songs like "Guilty as Sin?" that beg to be let out of the cage. In more recent depictions of the closet, it's no longer glowing with a yellow light. In the "Lavender Haze" visuals for Eras, the closet lights seem turned off, but lavender light shines through the window blinds as she eventually ends the performance daring to peek through as if she's wanting to fully leave rather than just flag. Yes, "the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light" (from "Peter"), but something out there still calls. She feels defeated, but she can't shake the wanting. I interpret this as Taylor's feelings on the closet changing, maybe regularly or in a non-linear fashion, turning it a different color:

It seems to me that the closet is filled with something glowing yellow when she portrays herself as being or having been content there, but it becomes dark and invaded with lavender when she wants to be free. "Remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light // Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time" (from "YLM").

I read TYW for college and according to my professor another student interpreted the narrator as a lesbian, the woman in the wallpaper subconsciously representing either the kind of woman she longs for or the out woman she wants to be but can't. This is quite similar to the interpretation of the multiple Taylors representing a closeted Taylor and a public Taylor. The narrator connects very strongly to the wallpaper woman, talking about her positively and seeing her as a loved one she needs to set free, then becoming her in her mind.

The narrator goes from being disgusted by the confusing yellow room to not wanting to be anywhere that isn't yellow because it's all she knows how to be now, much like some people's journey with being closeted and discovering themselves. She holds the woman in higher regard than her husband, Jennie, and seemingly herself by the end of it all. The only people in the house that she never rebukes are her baby and interestingly Mary, but Mary isn't really a character in the same way as, say, Jennie, so I'm not suspecting they're in love or something that's what fanfics are for. She sees herself as not "alone a bit" since she has the woman. The woman is all she has to cling to. I know that a lot of alone time with your own thoughts could result in discovering your sexuality, so maybe that's what the narrator is experiencing, but through the filter of her unwellness. She comments, "There are things in that paper that nobody knows but me, or ever will," comparable to a closeted person's possible feelings about their sexuality, especially if they don't plan to come out or can't. It's also similar to the feeling of being alone that can come from the closet. She also states, "But I know [Jennie] was studying that pattern, and I am determined that nobody shall find it out but myself!" as if to say that she doesn't want her queerness found out until she understands and frees herself/the woman.

The narrator comments about how confusing the wallpaper's pattern is and doesn't make sense, being an "artistic sin". She says that just when she thinks she's mastered it, the paper surprises her with more to be confused about. In a basic reading, I see the wallpaper as a representation of her convoluted mental state, but from a queer lens, the wallpaper could also represent the complicated nature of sexuality. The narrator has her most wallpaper-filled days and nights when John is emotionally or physically distant from her and when she loses her emotional trust in him in the end, the day she sets the wallpaper woman free. Jennie and John study the wallpaper like they study the narrator and report to each other their findings on her behavior. Jennie remarks that the paper stains everything that touches it and leaves "yellow smooches" on the narrator's and John's clothes, Gilman curiously using language typically if not exclusively associated with romance. At first, the narrator doesn't like the wallpaper woman's presence in her life, but soon they practically form a partnership, working towards their perceived freedom. Eventually, the one woman in the wallpaper that she can see out her window becomes multiple women outside her window that she's almost fearful of. From a queer perspective, could that represent how the narrator's sapphic desires are shifting from dreaming of one woman to many, as her sapphic attraction isn't a one-off experience? Or better yet in my opinion, maybe that the desires are strengthening?

To get into the tiniest shred of late stage Kaylor I got out of all this, I always found it kind of interesting that Karlie has consistently been the golden daylight muse, seemingly one of the biggest pushes to freedom for Taylor if songs like "Renegade" are really from her perspective. So why, of all the colors, is yellow the closeting color when it's so close to gold? The way I see it, as we've been over, the closet for Tay is not always negative, and when applying TYW, the wallpaper is both negative and positive for the narrator. And the wallpaper woman is a companion for the narrator, not an enemy. While the situation is complex and the narrator is in an overall unwell state, the wallpaper woman isn't her enemy in her mind, but a source of comfort that she cares for like a friend.

To draw some Kaylor parallels, Kar and Tay's relationship has been seen as unreal since they're so unseen publicly (plus some rumors taken as gospel), as the narrator and the woman's relationship is unreal. But (if you believe in LSK, at least) it exists when the public isn't around, same with the narrator and the woman. The narrator's initial hesitance towards the wallpaper woman's existence in her world reminds me of Taylor's seeming initial apprehension towards Karlie's effect on her in songs like "Gold Rush", "Say Don't Go" and its parallels with "Cornelia Street", and more. The first whisper of the wallpaper woman the narrator starts to see is her eyes, hehe! Taylor and Karlie hide away from saboteurs, like the narrator protecting the wallpaper woman from John and Jennie. Lastly, the narrator isn't freed until the wallpaper woman is, which isn't dissimilar to theories that Karlie and Taylor will come out together, at least in some way. The woman and the narrator are different yet the same beings, like spiritual twins, and of course, Taylor and Karlie are spiritual twins similarly. The wallpaper woman is the thing the narrator forsakes John for, and if theories are true, Karlie could be the thing Taylor forsakes the closeting and bearding for. Taylor's the narrator and Karlie's the hidden wallpaper woman.

(And if you are a fan of the theory that most if not all of TTPD is from Kar's perspective, it can work in the reverse order too I think, with Kar as the narrator and Taylor as the wallpaper woman. In general, but especially with TTPD, artistically speaking I see Karlie and Taylor as feeling like one entity and two at the same time in this paradoxical way, which works extra well with TYW.)

The narrator states, "I have found out another funny thing, but I shan’t tell it this time! It does not do to trust people too much," right before revealing that she doesn't trust John, with no love for him in her tone; she then rips the yellow wallpaper from the walls to set the woman free. From what I gather it's never directly revealed what she "found out". Was this her finally accepting her sexuality and setting the wallpaper woman free, creeping over her husband's unconscious body? The narrator and the woman likely being one and the same reminds me of Taylor mirroring her lover, calling them her twin and sharing clothes with them in "Down Bad". Viewing TYW in this light, I wonder if another factor in isolating the narrator away was because John, Jennie, and whoever else noted that she was queer, surmised it as one of her mental illness symptoms, and attempted to cure her. The doctors in the "Fortnight" MV are constantly giving Taylor things that they think will cure her queerness, like pills and electroshock therapy, but they don't work. Neither do John and Jennie's treatments.

The word daylight is a constant mention in TYW. The narrator says that the wallpaper woman is subdued during the day, gets free from the paper, and "creeps" around outside during the day, being free outside. But the woman is only free in the daylight when others aren't around, as the woman hides at the sign of other people around, the carriage. The narrator says about this, "I don’t blame her a bit. It must be very humiliating to be caught creeping by daylight! I always lock the door when I creep by daylight. I can’t do it at night, for I know John would suspect something at once." Of course, a gaylor's interpretation of "Daylight" typically is being out of the shade of the closet. The woman or women in the wallpaper get to be free, but the narrator just watches from her window. Throughout the story, the window is all the narrator has to genuinely obtain some source of enjoyment that she's not forbidden to do and doesn't hallucinate. Similarly, in my "I Look In People's Windows" analysis, the only way Taylor has to be a part of open queerness is by looking through windows, hoping she's seen.

In this interpretation, "creeping" could be the narrator's way of communicating queer activities. The wallpaper woman can be queer and free, but the narrator only watches, only "creeping" in secret from John. Queer activity doesn't even have to be doing non-platonic activities with other women, as I don't suspect the narrator's done that (just cause there's no evidence for me to say that). The narrator is specifically forbidden by John and Jennie to write about her feelings, but she does in secret, so "creeping" means expressing her queer self in general. Vaguely reminds me of Taylor's "golden notebook" from "The Alcott" or just the fact that Taylor is supposed to be closeted, yet she's seemingly writing and signaling anyway, in spite of the industry wanting her to hide. "I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror" from "Anti-Hero" fits the narrator pretty well in a sense. She'll stare at the sun-like wallpaper, but never realize what she's looking at is herself.

Conclusion 🟨

This was a lofty one (like they all aren't). I hope I was coherent and focused. A small part of me fears that I ended up talking about TYW more than Tay, but I think it balances fairly. TYW just requires a lot of explaining and wiggle room for interpretation. And TYW just became a bit of a Roman empire for me, okay? Did I miss any angle of a possible connection to TYW and Taylor? Let me know!

Hope you've enjoyed! 💛

[taylortruther]

no one asked, but here are my thoughts on the short stories in that poll, because i re-read all of them:

the lottery by shirley jackson - a classic. brutal and effective.

lamb to the slaughter by roald dahl - a satisfying little story just like a nice supper. i didn't find it super creepy, even though the act of e***** the m***** w***** is pretty creepy in itself. love roald dahl, not his best work.

the veldt by ray bradbury - the screams! i love the almost dark willy wonka-esque conflict, with this magical machine that has terrible consequences if misused (and the game is a bit rigged.) love how timeless it is.

the yellow wallpaper by charlotte perkins gilman - classic for a reason. it's incredible how the writing makes you feel sick, as if you too are stuck in this hideous yellow wallpaper.

the monsters are due on maple street by rod serling - i don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen or read it (also, is this even a "short story"? all i found was the episode and a script) but i love how this and the veldt describe the thin line between civilization and barbarity.

a jury of her peers by susan glaspell - probably my favorite of this particular set of stories. the small details, the shared glances between women. the way mrs. hale asks, "why do we know--what we know? and they don't?"... is there any stronger question to ask about misogyny?

where are you going, where have you been by joyce carol oates - unbelievably creepy, made my blood run cold when i read it. oates is a master at eerie understatement. it's like you can feel something terrible is going to happen long before it happens, and you are stuck between wanting to save her, and wanting it to be over with.

the cask of amontillado by edgar allen poe - other poe stories are creepier, but i DID enjoy the background where this was a response to a literary rival. also, the imagery of his coat of arms! this made me miss english class.

i have no mouth and i must scream by harlan ellison - okay, obviously creepy and unsettling as hell. i always thought the writing, from the narrator's pov, felt a little too "normal" considering everything that has happened to them. also hate how ellen is described. but a very good, extremely creepy story regardless. also an interesting old video game to watch on youtube.

in the penal colony by franz kafka - i hadn't read this one before, and it's funny, i saw the ending coming but in an entirely different way. the religious allegory felt obvious, but i'm still chewing on it.

the jaunt by stephen king - this has inspired many a classic creepypasta. i love how king can just reel you in and bounces back and forth between present and past, in dialogue and in narration. and this is like the perfect amount of "science" in a sci-fi story, imo. it feels legitimate, but not overwhelming in detail (they're all great at it, but king feels more technical, probably due to being the most modern writer on here.) the twist got me!

also interesting to see how many classic short stories play with the distinction between civility and barbarity (honorable mention to the most dangerous game here, especially) and the mundane cruelty of humanity (hm to all summer in a day, which was mentioned A LOT in the tags.)

[chiliches4524]

smiles nervously...im not supposed to be here. uh. caps guy is keeping the past frequent fronters in the calming corner for our own good or whateverrr...but anyway. the public needs to know! was i (charlotte) alive when they tore into me in free bird, or was the stake simply to pry my corpse open? -🍞

theee second answer. after all of the remaining contestants being neglected because green bean pea brains didn't know how to work the computer and gave up, bryce went crazy, (because he was getting sick of laying around for the rest of his life listening to either amelia or the others grieving and crying wah wah .. also this is a lot to explain) and tore your corpse open (i will reveal why later in chapter 2 because thats gonna be a long-ish chapter...)

also i just reread chapter one personally and im gonnan cry because i hate writing stuff that i made off of 2 hours of sleep but ch2 WILL be peak... maybe.

[gerec]

Hello, I just want to say thank you so much because you’re one of the main reason I’m back into the Cherik hole again after 8 years :Đ (I’m still having a lovely time here). Also, would you mind if I ask you for some fic recs of 1. Alternative first meeting where Erik and Charles meet/flirt with each other at the bar and 2. Smut fics that included dirty talk about breeding/pregnant kink but no actual mpreg. I know it’s a lot but I hope you could help :Đ Thank you so so much for still being here!

Hello darling Anon! Sorry for the delay; it took a while for me to search for recs based on your criteria! I've got some good ones for their first meeting at a bar, but I was only able to think of/find one fic with dirty talk that didn't include mpreg (the other one is rule 63). Anyway I'm so glad you're giving Cherik another go around it's wonderful to rediscover an old love :D :D :D Hope you enjoy!!!

First Meeting at a bar (there aren't many canon verse fics I know of, but there are many great aus):

In Plain Sight by Lenore

As it happens, Charles does know how it feels to hide who he is. A stranger in a pub sees right through him.

Bloodbound by ikeracity

Finding himself strapped for cash at the start of his senior year, Erik decides to become a donor at TypO, a blood bar where vampires come to drink fresh blood from consenting donors, safely and legally. There, he catches the eye of Charles Xavier, vampire, telepath, professor at Columbia, and quite possibly the most alluring person Erik's ever met. Their first meeting sets into motion a bond much deeper than they can understand, one that neither of them had ever expected.

Hitting If Off by niniblack

Erik meets the perfect guy at the bar. Too bad Mr. Perfect is on a date with someone else...

Twinks, Daddies & Bears. Oh my! by Villain

Charles is fresh back from Oxford and new to the gay scene in New York. On his first night out at the clubs with his best friend Hank, he sees the Big Bad Wolf; otherwise known as Erik Lehnsherr.

Punk Rock Boy by Not_You

Charles goes to a punk gig for an anthropology paper, and things get crazy.

A Telepath Walks Into a Bar by ximeria

Erik hates it when drunk idiots interrupt his flirting.

United We Stand, Divided They Fall by ximeria

The prompt was "the only two people at a bar rooting for the same football team au". And that's more or less what it is.

99 bottles of beer on the wall by orphan_account

It's been years since the accident that paralyzed Charles, leaving him wheelchair-bound and shattering his carefree life of drinking, sex, and loose telepathy. Raven finally guilt's Charles into going to a bar with her, only to have them run into a rather unsavory Mutant and Disability fetishist.

And One For Yourself? (Let Me Take You Home?) by meh_guh

Charles has had it with academia. He's sick of Boston, sick of teaching Bio 101, sick of Nathaniel Essex's guerrilla campaign against his lab time. So of course, the only thing to do is to move back to NYC and open a bar. It'll be a lark.

And Tony's there! Scads of guilt-free, friendly sex is never to be frowned upon.

Of course, the bewitching lunatic behind the bar complicates matters, but Charles is hardly new at seduction. He'll win Erik over in a matter of weeks.

A month at the outside.

Really.

Baby, You're A Hit by mutanitys (chekov)

"How to not make it up to the cute professor you mistakenly punched at a bar" by Erik Lehnsherr.

(Erik still punches the wrong guy, but this time the hospital doesn't seem to be an option.)

-------

Fics with dirty talk about breeding/pregnant kink:

serendipity by intentation

Charles runs into his professor at a sex club. How can he possibly resist?

Perfection by LadyLustful

Charlotte Xavier didn't think she would be into being bred but here she is, getting off on hearing how she's perfect and will give Erik perfect babies.

[el-buzz]

📚 Cg! Clay HCS!!! 💚🎶

Aggagaggaggag first hc list I do EVERRR (so please be kind (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) /💗💗)

Cg! Clay x Agere! Reader!!

pretty much gender neutral!!

Cw: caps lock (just me having happy outbursts), um lotsa author notes and commentary I just wanna talk about him and about how he would be as a cg :ccc, also this is incredibly self indulgent

Also there was no proof reading ☠️

(Crossposted on ao3 @Soft_Buzz!! oh and I’ll update this if I get a new hc idea)

Anyways here you go ��:

•nicknames for you: kiddo, baby, bubba, bubba wubba (he’s squeezing your cheeks and baby talking you 😭😭), prince/princess/ lil highness/royal, and a number of other sweet nicknames or any that you prefer!

•he would be suuuuuch a sweet and doting caregiver waaaaaaah but he would definitely ensue rules for you! Calm and Strict(ish) cg! Clay would pull up to make sure you are safe and healthy even if you are feeling big!!

•he’d hate to see you hurt or sick, but he’d do everything thing in his power to nurse you back to health :]!

•Clay would definitely provide his kiddo with healthy snack or with fruit or veggie cups!

•Although Clay’s sorta strict he can be soooo soft he always want to hold you, whether it’s your hand/pinkie or cuddle up with you.

•You are his battery and he wants to recharge.

* HE WOULD SOOOO READ TO YOUUUU AHHH he loooooves reading so ofc he’d love to share that interest with his little one

• (please it’s the cutest thing ever)

• imagine him beside you with a book open (he has his reading glasses on :3) and as he reads, he gives all the different characters different voices and will always put emotion into his reading voice, which always leads to you giggling or you gasping in surprise.

• One time you insisted that you were big enough for his sad book club and that you wouldn’t become a big puddle of tears so he gave you Charlotte’s Web to read.

• You were a mess. You didn’t stop being sad for the next couple of HOURS (yes this is a reference to that JD fan art ifykyk☠️)

• Clay had to give you so many hugs, cuddles, and kisses to make up for it. He thought it’d be funny, but he sorta forgot how emotional of a little one you can be.

• “I’m so so sorry baby.” *kiss* “How can I make it up to you?? I’ll do anything”

• oh you’d grin a that. You choose to either do dress up WITH make up or draw on his face and mess around with his hair. AND ice cream.

• You took soooo many pictures (and you may or may have not shared them with Viva, Poppy, and his brothers) Clay says he hates you for it, but secretly believes it was so worth it to see that sparkle in your eyes

• he bought you a piggy and a spider (with little bb spiders) stuffie. Even if you have arachnophobia, you hugged those stuffies while crying happy tears. You gave him a tight hug which he softly returned and gave you a forehead kiss.

• (This whole event was also the birth of your happy scrapbook club!! (even though it just you :} ) )

• You and Clay will just sit together while reading different things. Him with some well recognized and praised novel or book and you with a happy lil scrapbook in your hands!

• I’d also like to think he has a puppet character like Bandit does with unicorse! (Maybe a dragon but that just me :])

• (Clay and Branch be matching with their ventriloquism skills lol)

• If you seem to be clumsy or fall often he starts to develop a sort of spider sense for it and will catch you before disaster happens

• OKOK I know this is gonna sound random buuuut I believe Clay is the type to carry lollipops, and sometimes other candy, around. Idk like I can just picture him a with a lollipop in his mouth trying to look all serious/mysterious and nonchalant LOL

• ANYWAYS back to the Agere stuff

• I think that after completing a task or being good, Clay would def give his kiddo a lollipop as a treat!! that orrrrr if his kiddo seems to be regressing in public and they really want/need a paci or just something to fixate on then boom!!! Lollipop! :D

• Talking about rewards

• This man would sooooo spoil you!! you’re his treasure and he wants you to know it!!

• He’ll either get you food you’ve been craving or a stuffed animal/little gear orrrr both!!

• (Because of the two of you, you now have a chest fuuuull of stuffies Woops💧)

• You always try to show your appreciation by giving him small handmade gifts!! A lil pop up card, bead bracelets (you definitely have matching bracelets), even something crocheted/knitted, and pretty much any arts n crafts you can make!

• Now onto funny business ( •̀ - • )!

• so ofc when it first came to having fun and being playful with you he was bit scared

• can you blame him???

• He’d spent A LOT of time trying to get rid/away from the tittle of being the fun boy

• Ofc through lot of reassurance you let him know that he can have fun and play with you and still be a very serious caregiver!

• you help him understand that being funny and silly every once in a while doesn’t hurt and that he should try to find a balance that work for him! Which he eventually does :D!!

• I like to believe that he’d be great at playing pretend and hide and seek!

• “Worry not your highness!! You will protect you from the dragon!” (It’s one of your plushies)

• “Wherever could my kiddo be?? They must have turned invisible!!” (he can hear your giggles which just makes his smile wider)

• Although he really tries to be there for you, he’s a reaaaally busy man :((( but he still tries to spend time with you through parallel play! While he’s doing his grown up paperwork, you get to colooor!! (or draw or scrapbook or anything really) as long you promise to be good and not distract him

• (plus the sooner he’s done the sooner he can give you all his attention! so it’s a win-win situation :D)

• Actually if you were feeling extra lil you’d just get a paper and scribble on it with crayon trying to copy Clay’s mannerisms (when he sees this he’s physically holding himself back from just picking you up, cradling you, and just babying you waaaah you’re gonna be the end of him)

• oh and he would sooo keep your little artworks in his working area (they bring a sweet smile to his face and warm his soul you’re the best kiddo he could have ever asked for)

• You also get to have cuddles while he works! Sometimes he’ll just sit you on his lap with a stuffie or two while he wraps an arm around you and litters your head or face with kisses!

• Now onto not so funny business ૮๑ˊᯅˋ๑ა

• sometimes Clay’ll have a rough or tiring day :((

* and that’s okk caregivers have their moments too!

• He’ll usually want to cuddle with you and hold you close. (You are his stuffie :D)

• He might even tickle you or blow raspberries on your tummy (if you give him permission ofc!!) which often leaves you with a giggling and squirming fit.

• He just loves seeing you laugh and smile (especially if it’s him who made you happy :] you just brighten his day so much sometimes)

• One time he was just so tired and just laying down on the couch and then you brought one stuffie to him and then two till you pretty much had him buried under almost all of your stuffies!!

* You then proceeded to lay on top of him, and Clay just sticks both arms out from under the pile while smiling softly with his eyes closed.

• Let’s just say you guys woke up with stuffed animals scattered eeeeeverywhere

• If you’re a kiddo/baby who tends to get overwhelmed easily, he’ll get you some noise canceling/dampening headphones and just wraps you in a soft blanket like a little burrito.

• He’ll also either get you an eye mask or will lower the lights if he can. (And if you’re feeling lil enough then a paci too!!)

• After doing any of this, he’ll just bring you onto his lap and whisper sweet lil nothings to you till you feel better or seem to fall asleep :D!

• would enforce a bed time >:( (he is a very very veeeery serious guy after all)

• but luckily bedtime means a bottle or sippy of sweet sleepy tea and a storyyyy :D!!

• Forehead kisses!! (CALL ME BIASED CAUSE I LOOOOOVE FOREHEAD KISSES but I stand by what I say.

• Oh and if he’s ever gonna to be very busy for the day and he won’t be able to take care of his kiddo, he’d ask Viva to help him take care of you!!

• Plus who doesn’t love babysitter Viva??? She’s so energetic and fun with you, but she’ll definitely tone it down for you 💛

• she’s also super strong so she’ll definitely carry you or give you a piggy back ride if you ask :>!

• She also give you lots of candies and sugary foods but shhhhh don’t tell Clay itsa secret (but I think the sugar rush/crash you have when he picks you up from Viva’s tells him more than enough

• (I feel like he would trust all his brothers with you (especially Bruce) except JD 😭😭)

• He would sooooo grab your cheeks and squeeze them like he did to Branch when first seeing him again

• Expect him to do that whenever he just wants to dote on you and baby you even if you’re feeling bigger than usual he just loves youuuu! 💚💚💚

In summary: I need this man bc he is the bestest boyfriend and caregiver ever!!

Final notes!:

I love likes but comments and reposts are greatly appreciate (I love to talk if you can’t tell) type something out and let me know what you think 💗💗

If anybody would like to use any of the hcs/scenarios for a fanfic tots fine with me just don’t forget to tag me for credit and so I can see it :DD!!

[fagryanlucan]

This might be a bit cliche but sometimes I listen to the song Don't You Worry Child while thinking about Ryan and it fits him so well in such a bittersweet way...

I'm sorry idk how long this has been in my inbox I promise I wasn't ignoring you

what's funny is that even tho I know that song by heart bc it's a certified banger, I had to look up the lyrics just now and yeah I agree, pretty bittersweet

obvs it's not a super literal interpretation (why did I not comprehend the lyrics being SO CHRISTIAN when I was younger?) and this is DEFINITELY not what you meant but: this verse with the game ending where Alex and Steph leave Haven? yeah. yeah.

maybe it'll shock some people to say that I also enjoy the angst of Alex and Steph leaving Ryan literally alone? like damn, Gabe died, Charlotte hates him*, plus Steph and Alex (and Riley!) leave? he has zero friends and no family left? that's rough buddy. *shhhh i know she doesn't actually hate him

sick and twisted. sick 👏 and 👏 twisted. 👏 I like it.

[atopvisenyashill]

What is your personal pet peeve about fanart or fics in the fandom

Mine is when they give rhaenys daughter of elia valyrian features

Like when they describe her in fic as having purple eyes so dark they looked black, or faint hints of purple in her eyes. Or in fanart when they give her a white streak in her hair. Like the point is that she doesn't look valyrian! And racist grandpa hates her for that!

I love the fanart, they're pretty, and visually interesting, and also a labour of love, and I feel like such a tool for feeling like this about something fellow fans make

tbf the book does mention she had a streak in her hair BUT it is described more like alysanne going grey rather than a white/silver streak like Valarr so I do get that point.

i think i've talked before about being kinda picky about fancasts. sometimes the graphic is nice enough that i'll reblog anyway, but i hate charlotte hope as catelyn, isolda dychauk as sansa, and that girl from the last kingdom i always forget the name of as arya so much, it positively IRKS me. same with using big bollywood names as martells - esp because like, i don't think Deepika Padukone or Aishwarya Rai even look anything like how Arianne, Nymeria, or Elia are described. Ranveer Singh is less annoying just because i get it at least, I can see the Oberyn vibes but Deepika or Aishwarya are nowhere near delicate enough to play Elia, who is always described as basically ~looking sick.

And of course i've talked about the fic pickiness. I make up for this by having very low standards for grammar. I think I've even recced fics, sometimes highly, where the grammar is not good, the writing is clearly very clunky, the dialogue is not particularly accurate because for me what's more important is that you get the character right. I will tolerate so much formatting nonsense if you have a) a good plot idea and b) a good grasp of the characters. Like, I can't tell you how many HOTD fics I've backed out of that are incredibly well written but they either straighten the fuck out of Daemon's behavior, have Rhaenyra and Daemon (sometimes Alicent) hate Viserys, or are weird about Rhaenyra having kids out of wedlock in a way that makes my ass itch (once I was really into one and then Jace confronts her about the bastardry and asks why she dead ass went "because i wanted to." bro she would never saw it like that to Jacaerys of all people). But like, if you're getting crazy with the run ons, using em dashes like they're going out of style, have dialogue that sounds like d&d wrote it? idc so long as it rings true to the character!

[vivianleighwishesshewasme]

The Italian Beasts Beauty-23

He and Charlotte have some intimate time alone. Luca sees someone about a position in the family.

Since Charlotte had gotten pregnant, Luca seemed to be extra gentle with her in everything. He touched her arm gently, gave her gentle massages but they rarely had sex. Some of that had been the morning sickness which now gratefully seemed to pass. 

Tonight however his touches were firm, his mouth hot and demanding and his thrusts deeper than they had been. She wasn't complaining. 

She was lying on her side to accommodate her growing belly. He was behind her spooned in . His one hand was firmly on her hip and the other gently on her neck craning her lips to him. 

She'd missed this closeness with him. 

She shuttered next to him. His grip tightened on her hips chasing his own high. It didn't take long after the aftershocks for her wore off that he shuttered. 

"I needed this Tesoro." His deep voice is husky and sensual from their heated lovemaking. He ran his hands up and down her naked body gently.

"Me too." He pulled out causing her to groan. He slapped her ass playfully. 

"You know it's coming." He said into her neck. He loved being close to ehr. No woman had ever made him this crazy nor had he ever felt this secure. 

"And I still hate it." She smiled warmly at him. She really was watching him to see if he looked ashen, over exerted or in pain. He looked fine. Relief swept over her. 

"What?" His eyes narrowed at her. He knew that look well now. She tossed her head sending her pale blonde hair cascading down her shoulders veiling her face. 

"I'm allowed to look at your handsome face Luca. We're married." She scolded him gently. 

He grabbed her and snuggled  her into him carefully placing her belly on hip. His calloused hands rubbed and roamed trying to feel for the baby.

"It kickin yet?" He asked everyday. She Tried to hunt him down in the apartment when the baby moved. This kid was a tease and would stop the minute it heard its fathers voice. 

"It's calm and happy right now." She smiles lovingly at him. He kissed her face and rolled over abruptly leaving her alone and wondering if it was something she'd said. 

She heard the water running and an hour later he emerged clean shaven and smelling great. 

"Where are you going?" she asked, suddenly concerned by the changing mood. 

"I have a meeting tonight." He finished his tie and grabbed his suit jacket and hat. It was one of his best. 

"Luca!" Charlotte sat up angry now. What the hell? They'd already been seen for the evening. What now? Why hadn't he mentioned this? 

"What?" He turned to  challenge her gently. You're safe, you need to rest Lottie.  

"Just be safe." She felt defeated. He was truly just going to walk out tonight.

"It ain't nobody you gotta worry about babydoll. Just family." Charlotte knew some of his family and she knew her own. Family was never a safe guarantee. 

Luca made sure he arrived last. He could scan the room and read body language. Michael Gray seemed comfortable and settled into the booth. His gaze lazily swept to the smoke haze room as he waited patiently for the mafia head to approach. 

He nodded but seemed pleased to see the elder gangster sauntering towards him. Luca took off his hat and hung it on the rack as Michael stood ready to greet him. Luca slid off his coat and gloves slowly and carefully tucking them in his pocket. Every languid movement deliberate as he watched the Gray man out of the corner of his eye.

"Mr. Changretta, thank you for meeting me." Luca chuckled. The elder had invited him here when he'd called for Charlotte, a few days ago he'd mentioned he was in New York with his wife looking for a home in America for His business. 

Luca had been intrigued and saw an opportunity present itself with a possible alliance. 

He'd heard down the grapevine about Michael asking Thomas to step down. The boy had balls. Luca liked that. 

They shook hands and Luca waited to see if he'd sit. He gestured for the older man to first, smart man. 

"So, how's married life with my cousin?" Michael seemed pleasant. No joking tone to be found. Luca appreciated that. He wanted Charlotte to be well respected, even by those who knew her prior to her marriage to the black hand member. 

"It's never dull, I'll say that. " He paused fiddling with his toothpick," I'm impressed. Charlotte is a smart woman." Michael seemed pleased. Charlotte had talked a bit about her family recently. They started talking baby names and Michael had come up. Then she launched into her cousin's whole life story as she knew it. Especially the bit about Tommys falling out with the Gray man. 

"So, you and Mrs. Gray, Gina was it, thinking about settling down in my part of New York or…" He rolled his hand hoping Michael would continue. Luca wanted concise answers. 

"Yes, Gina is partial to Manhattan." He nodded. His tone was pleasant when he spoke of his wife. Another solid checkmark. 

"Yeah, who isn't." He chuckled. Prime real estate.

"I'm interested in why you contacted me Mr. Changretta. We'd only spoken briefly one time." Michael had left his number for Charlotte to call him back and visit. Luca had honestly forgotten, the heart attack took a lot out of him than he cared to admit. 

"We're family, doesn't your family ever talk,I know they do because I pay an international phone bill each month. Ouch."  Both men laughed Michael clearly at ease. 

"Luckily Gina's family is in Boston so unless we're stuck in that shit hole Birmingham…" Mihael trailed off. The energy shifted much to Luca's delight. Bingo, this kid was his own man. He lit a cigarette and took a long drag. 

"Do you prefer America?" His green eyes glanced over Michael.

"Land of Opportunity." Michael said. " I do." 

"Why aint you settling in Boston, near her family?" That was a very curious question to Luca. Either way Michael went, Boston or New York, he had family in that territory. Didn't he want his own? 

"Her family is really her Uncle Jack and a few relatives she's not fond of. She and I have plans and after everything that has happened, I'm sure Charlotte filled you in, I want to be away from controlling members of the family as much as possible. Me, Gina and Lawrence. That's all."  

Luca looked him up and down. So he didn't have to worry about him taking over, but would work for him. It seemed unlikely. 

"What are your plans? You work in finance and business right?"Luca was now ready to move this along. 

"I have plans, Mr. Changretta. I'm not ready to share them yet." Michael was getting tired. 

"Plans? In my territory, you ain't dumb I can tell. So what are these plans." Luca sat up straighter now and made it clear he saw that as an unacceptable answer. He was testing Michael. The younger man started realizing it could be a threat.

"No, no Mr. Changretta, I…." Luca cuts him off and raises his hand.

"Relax Michael, I didn't mean it like that. I'm Luca by the way, since we're family and all." He smirked, pleased with how Michael responded.

"Right,Luca" He was calming down. Luca enjoyed getting a rise out of him.  He was nervous  around him still, smart man. 

"So tell me of your thoughts cause I could use a man like you with your background for a problem I'm having with some little upstart in the area." Luca rasped out and waved the waiter over. It was now an official business meeting.

Charlotte was up listening to the radio softly while she lounged on the velvet couch.  "Another long night." He asked as he walked up to her with a dozen roses. He'd felt bad leaving so abruptly. She smiled and inhaled them deeply. She loved roses, it didn't matter the color.

"Really bad heartburn. This kid is going to have a head full of hair according to your mom." She groaned and tossed her head unto the couch. He hated seeing her in pain. 

"You look pleased." Her soft voice took note of his calm demeanor. 

"I ain't upset. Your cousin Michael and his wife Gina are in town. Thought we'd have lunch together." Charlotte sat up and smiled. He chuckled. Her heartburn wasn't bothering her now. 

"Come on, you can be miserable next to me in bed." He husked out as he pointed from couch to the hall.

"I'm never miserable next to you, especially in bed Caro. " She purred as she sprinted past him to beat him there. 

He shook his head. Definitely not a dull moment with her.