#Dad Sneeze dads

[bigsnzstanacct]

Thinking about my middle aged gay male couple that both have patented Dad Sneezes(™). (Have not decided yet if they are actual fathers at any point but for now they’re not). One with long, terrible, itchy buildups, the other with sudden unstoppable undelayable emergency roars. Their gentle, affectionate rubbing of each other, the insistence of each that the other’s sneezes are louder and more disruptive than their own, their gradual learning of each other’s allergic triggers (although I imagine each as less chronically intensely allergic but instead just generally sneezy, the sort of guys who rarely go a day without a sneeze or two or five, which generally but not epically worsens during allergy season.) imagining a sneeze that causes a souffle to fall, one’s sneeze waking the other up from a nap, etc. Maybe even one catching a cold from the other (I imagine the sudden sneezer catches really *really* sneezy colds). A co-worker: “would you believe his husband sneezes even louder?” The aforementioned husband: “he does not and that’s a terrible lie he insists on telling.” “That I insist on telling? It’s a wonder I still have eardrums!” “Yes, from your own sneezes! After all you’re even closer to them than we are…”

[celestie0]

“gojo sayin ‘you cryin?’ on loop 10min”

“gojo sayin ‘next’ on loop 2 hrs”

“gojo heavy breathing on loop 24 hrs”

OK BUT CAN SOMEONE MAKE GOJO SNEEZING ON LOOP FOR 24 HRS PLS

[pricegouge]

Actually need to be applauded for the self restraint I showed not posting this the second it popped into my head at four in the fucking morning

[ruindroddy]

*Spontaneously appears*

*Fades back into the darkness*

[emolionsrawr]

buck: *slams his phone down on the table*

bobby: what's wrong kiddo?

buck: well chris' favourite animal at the moment is penguins and i was googling penguin facts so i could tell him about them when me and tommy take him to the zoo on saturday

bobby: and that made you slam your phone?

buck: well as i was googling penguin facts i found a picture of their mouths... bobby they have teeth going all the way down their throat, well actually it's not teeth like we have them they're backward facing flesh spines that help guide the fish down

bobby:... what the heck?

buck: yep! it looks terrifying! but a fun fact i did find was did you know the earliest penguin fossil was found in 61.6 million year old antartic rock! about 4-5 million years after the mass extinction of the dinosaurs waimanu manneringi stood upright and waddled like modern day penguins, but was more likely in the water, some fossil penguins were much larger than any living penguin today, reaching 4.5 feet tall!

bobby: oh wow, i think chris is gonna love that fact kid

buck: they also release air bubbles from their feathers which cuts the drag on their bodies, allowing them to double, and triple their swimming speed and quickly launch into the air

bobby: that's amazing buck, what else did you learn?

buck: well-

*alarm rings*

buck: damn it, tell you in the engine dad! *runs to the engine*

bobby:

bobby: did he just-

eddie: yeah, he did

bobby: *tears up*

[willowser]

katsuki manages to take halloween off for the first four years of your daughter's life but he has to miss out on her fifth and he won't show it but he's devastated 🥺

[nullio]

Geralt accidentally developing Dad Humor, even when he wasn't actively invested in or looking for Ciri- it just happens by rule of the universe

like this,

Jaskier falls from a tree, off a small ledge, down a short hill

Jask: Geraaaalt, I've hurt my leg!

Geralt: sigh, fine. Let me look

...hmm...

Geralt: we'll have to amputate

Jaskier: GERALT

-one more-

Jaskier: EUGH- Geralt! There's a nasty bug on my pillow

Geralt: let me see...ah, it's a brain sucker

Jask: brain sucker?!

Geralt: yes, don't worry

*he flips over and lies down again*

Geralt: it starved

please please please, Geralt dad humor

[medicsbigburlychest]

one sneeze and the whole fortress coming down

[thehotgrandparent]

I feel like Francis would have that dad sneeze and be loud as shit. You would not expect it from Francis at all. Also I think Mclooy would have it as well. But that one is more understandable. It’s the vibes

If wondering who’s louder, I’d think it definitely would be Mclooy

[gigamuffinsofie]

ive been re reading the ionian mission. jack getting a cold endears me

[bigsnzstanacct]

Thinking about Dad Sneeze Dads and their individual sneeze styles. Like as I said, James/Jamie has this incredibly vocal, stentorian shout of a sneeze, an orator’s sneeze, a “YYAAAHHH-HHHOOOOOOOO!!” (And like, I don’t know how to spell this but imagine it ends on a big round open “oh” not an “oo” okay?). And also he always, always sneezes at least twice and each subsequent sneeze is always, always bigger than the previous. So if the first is especially loud and deafening, you better really batten down the hatches for the second, and pray he doesn’t feel the urge for a third. (I also imagine that as he gets older, those third and fourth thunderous sneezes come more often). Sure, you get a warning about sneeze number two, unlike number one, but the second is so much louder than it jump scares people even when they’ve been bracing for it. Also I imagine that his normal sneeze is very neatly separated into two parts, but his biggest sneezes are just one single syllable, possibly shorter, just blast like “HAAHHHuuhhh!!” Maybe with a little trailing fall. Those hurt his throat and he always doubles over for them. Probably straightens up with a “God damn!” And maybe like “scuse me if I deafened you… and if I did blame Paul, he’s the one that infected me with his allergies! I swear, I didn’t sneeze like this til I met him!” “Oh, but your dad sneezed like that since I met him so I’m pretty sure those genes were coming out one way or another, and also for the millionth times you cannot catch allerg—“ “HEYYY-SSHHUUHH!! Whew… damn… that one took the wind out of me… anyway… what were you saying Paul?”

And then, for Paul, I was trying to figure out how he sneezes, because like… they can’t be as like… declarative as James’ but they also have to be just as thunderous and then I realized… he sneezes like… you know that guy sneezeguy (now I think KB) on t*kt*k?? He sneezes like that. Like… “HRRRRRUUUHHH!! HEEERRRRUUUssshhh!!! HRRRRSSSSHH!!” Like so growled and roared at the same time. And he has these fits and false starts, so it torments him for a while and he’s trying to find a light to look into and sometimes the only thing that will get his nose to finally let go of the big blast is to go outside and look into the morning sun, and then his whole face somehow crumples and arches simultaneously and—“ERRRSSCCHHH!!! RRRRRRREESSSCCHHH!!!” He’s off to the races. Sometimes there’s buildup between the sneezes but usually they come four or five or six in a row, and maybe a shorter second or third round. And he’s also one that can actually be around something he’s allergic to for a while without sneezing his head off… but the bill always comes due. And if he’s been around a dog a lot, and playing with the dog and rolling around with the dog (of course he adores dogs, the bigger and floofier and fluffier the better, allergies be damned) James almost hopes he starts sneezing early. Because the longer the sneezes wait, the more intense they are when they finally strike. And then he can fire off sneezes into the double digits without a break, just “GASP! ERRRRUUSSCHHHH!! HUUHHH— RRRRUUUSCCCHHHOOO!!! HEEHHH— ARRRRRSSSSCCHHUUHHH!!! HUUH! HEEEEIIISSHHH!!!” Just that classic pattern of one great big gulp of air and a big sneeze, and another gulp of air, and another sneeze.

[aller-geez]

Did Meeko try to stifled or holdback her sneezes while her partner is sleeping next to her?

Hey there Nonny! Thanks so much for your request!

Im so sorry this took a little longer to finish, but I swear I’ve been working on it!

But to answer your question,

When Meeko first started dating @thekinkyleopard ‘s Connie, she was mortified of her startlingly loud dad sneezes. if faced with a sneezing fit, she would do anything possible to hold them back 24/7 (not stifling, since she’s even worse than Remi at stifling when her sneezes are so big) afraid that her new silent girlfriend would be extremely put off by her….

However, when they both began to date Biziil around a year or so later, including him into their polycule, she didn’t have the same problem with him, instead bonding with him over both of their dad sneezes…

If her partners are sleeping, of course Meeks will try to hold them back if possible to avoid waking them up….. she’s not usually successful though, but both Biz and Connie are always right there to help her through each jarring sneeze~

[elsannej]

Omega finds meatbag allergies hilarious:

There's Rouge, whose job relies on stealth, sneezing up a storm and being essentially out of commission for a few weeks on a bad pollen year of some specific plant. (She'd preferably take a vacation/job on another continent during springtime but it's not always feasible.) Being his favourite, at least Omega's somewhat more accommodative towards her compared to Shadow, and brings her antihistamine, tissues and eye drops to the bed when she wakes up congested with her eyes plastered shut. He mentioned the saying "blind as a bat" and had an alarm clock thrown at him for it; he's mostly impressed by her good aim considering she's going off of hearing alone, but knows to shut up for future reference.

(While I don't think Shadow would realistically have allergies, what are allergic reactions anyway other than the result of an over reactive immune system? ->Any time Shadow encounters a new allergen, he suffers through the allergic reaction for ±24h until he desensitizes to it. And unfortunately for him, symptom alleviating meds don't work for him.) >To Omega, the concept of the "Ultimate Lifeform" succumbing to dust particles or inorganically farmed fruit is ironic. He finds Shadow's misery greatly amusing and makes sure to respond to every wall-shaking sneeze with a "BLESS YOU". There lies a bigger risk in jesting Shadow, as he tends to throw Chaos spears instead of household appliances, but Omega likes to take his chances.

It all culminates with an extra maintenance checkup at Tails's because it's spring and Omega's been experiencing overheating a bunch recently, with it having nothing to do with the warming weather. The reason ends up being accumulated hair and fur stuck in Omega's fan filters. (Fur/feather possessing mobians tend to shed more this time of the year, Team Dark residence and Tails's workshop being a prime examples; hairs littering almost every surface.) Omega [takes it well] when Tails explains it's not feasible to make changes to the robot's ventilation system, other than to make the filters more easily cleanable.

Rouge and Shadow [react respectfully] when Tails gifts them a specialized vacuum cleaner "for Omega's fur sensitivity ^^!"

[blaiddraws]

According to wikihow (and several other sources/videos) this is how you carry someone larger than you. The pinnacle of romance (until Ingo takes a step and falls over, breaking his spine)

HELP(???

[saytrrose]

Why can’t I have a manly sneeze why do I have to sound like a stupid kitten

[rayetherna]

December starts with something I love, I consider it a success! xD