#DiaryEntry

[torisdiary]

03.04.2024 – this morning i made a matcha latte with my new milk frother. i had no idea if i was using it right but i think it worked well.

[manifestingunicorn]

Lol the reason why i am so inactive here is because for the time i am free, i do techniques to manifest and also spend more time on Tumblr. The rest of the times im just busy living my life so as to maintain balance. Ig that’s the sign of a real master manifestator

[diaryofaprettyprincess]

i need advice: ok so ive been talking to this guy for a while now n he talks to me about how much he wants to date me and how he likes me n all this other stuff but he literally wont ask me out on a date (like he’ll say like “so when are we going on a date” but i cant tell if its serious or not idk if this makes sense). then when i try to bring up a bf/gf relationship hes all like i dont like myself enough to be in a relationship when its all he talks about being in with me. idk if that made sense but like waht should i say im so confused ? should i ask him out cuz im getting tired of just waiting for his loser ass to do it himself (like just to go on a date with him to see if even i wanna be in a relationship with him) or like what do i do its starting to annoy me LMAO

[blossomsofluck]

i'm baaaaaack

and better than ever may i add.

some parts are still not working out as i wanted them to, but i dont mind that at all anymore. i'm ready to leave it all to the universe's timing.

today i also finally released a cycle that was not doing me any good and i feel GREAT. you know when that person you loved and hurt you over and over again but you were still unable to let go does something that finally makes you let go of the little love and respect you had left for them? well yeah that happened today! all i can hear is that song that plays all over tiktok "war is overrrrrrrr". it is indeed over. FINALLY I'M FREE AND I'VE NEVER FELT MORE GOOD. thank you spirit guides and thank you universe.

[derikisu]

how the fuck do u find the vertebral artery 😭

[janedoewonders]

Love in Moderation

I love romance. I am enamored with love, its intricacies and imperfection. I gave up locked away the hopeless romantic in me. She believed in a prince who fought dragons to save a princess they barely knew. She dreamt of vampires who would bear the pain of loss for eternity just to experience human love that’s a minuscule blip in their lifetime. She smiled with the hope of strangers meeting over the same love of books or coffee or sunsets or murder. She believed in Achilles’s scream of agony upon Patroclus’s eternal slumber. She longed for the most destructive, heart-wrenching, all consuming yearning love of the other. She believed in a love so grand it’s a whole new monster to grapple with in the next dream, terrifying and paralyzing yet prayed and slept for.

I hate her. She made me weak and always so forlorn. In my time in this world, i have found a fear beyond unrequited love, wrong-timing love, forbidden love, fell-out-of-love love. To have all this love in your cup, but none to pour into. It terrifies me that others may see the love in my cup, but think it to be too much or too little or too purple or too thick or too wanting or too romantic, just not right for them. They see me as lovable and desirable and sexy and fuckable, but it’s not for them. The same way you’d turn down a different brand of coffee if your favorite is Starbucks. It’s not terrible but you’d prefer something else.

I hate her dreams of excess. She taught me one way of love, the love that hurts all the way to the bones. Love that’s bright and all-consuming, all stardust and blackholes. It is powerful. It is the love that embeds and exudes from every fiber of being. L o v e in all its glorious intricacies and prose and tears and grand silences. It may not be loud but it is grand. It hurts, in good and bad ways, but it has to hurt because if it does not, is it truly love? If it is not grand, would I want any of it? I love with all that I am. I was once told that I love too much. It was true. But I don’t know how I could ever process being told I want you, but l e s s. They saw all that you can give, but refused. How do I stop asking what piece they’d want cut off?

I love, not in moderation. But I wish i was just right to be loved too.

[g1rlysh1tp0st1ng]

source: pinterest, @m0llz4

fyi it absolutely works ladies. i pinky promise <3

[bumxxbee]

Choose You

When you love, I hope you never forget who you are. I hope you still allow yourself some time to do things that bring you joy; maybe it's reading as you are cuddled in your bed, maybe it's taking long walks in the park alone, maybe it's taking yourself out to dinner. It doesn't matter so long as you still do the things you did before you became a 'we'. So that when you are left with nothing— when that person chooses to walk away from you— you will still be able to stand again. You won't be lost, confused on who you are because the only 'you' you knew was the you that was with that person.

I'm not saying it won't hurt, because I know it will. They will still leave some gaps in your life despite holding onto yourself. But if it does happen, I hope you heal from the pain. I hope you fill that gap until someone comes along and does it for you. I hope that you will have the strength to move forward. Even if it means being alone. And lastly, I hope that at the end of the day, you can still find comfort in the ‘you’ you have chosen to be. The one that cares for you, loves you, and cherishes you even when the rest of the world has fucked you up.

[espressogal]

05/02/23 -- diary entry 

haven’t written a dairy entry here since august whoa! well my life has been really just playing on fast forward these days. time seems like such an ephemeral illusion and i cant even remember that christmas happened or thanksgiving or halloween? even thought i distinctly did things on those days but idk its just day after day and im trying to romantisize my life and document all my memories in a daily one line a day journal but it gets backlogged bc i forget to do it and then i have to remember what i did for 14 days by the time i actually get to write it. but thats my own fault bc i lost all sense of implementing discipline in my life after graduating. my addiction counselling job has been .. not great idk. im gunna have to hand in my resignation email soon bc i realized after working as a mental health support worker that i love.. stability and structure and routine. i enjoy waking up early packing my lunch grabbing a coffee and traveling downtown. and then going home and having my step count achieved by the end of the day and freshening up and eating and getting into bed by 9! i love it love it love it. i also get to interact with so many clients and learn so much about growth and boundaries and become my best self and prepare to be a social worker. at my addiction counselling job all i do is get scheduled overnight shifts and get my emails ignored by my boss. despite the prestige of the company and the great salary, it’s just not worth sacrificing my mental health for a job that barely lets me interact with the clients. im gunna write the email today or tomorrow and just quit that job and move on with my life. my weight has been fluctuating and i got super sick recently and basically had a week off work and im still not fully healed. i wanna start waking up at 5:30 and going to the gym early and meal prepping and getting my life back on track. i wanna start reading more and listening to more podcasts and practicing hindi and journaling and learning the piano on my days off. its just that i dont have any days off so far but i soon will. im gunna be hosting my very own journaling workshop at my new job which im excited about. my bf is gunna leave soon and were gunna have to go another 8-9 months of not seeing each other. our relationship has been better than ever though. my family life is improving and im getting better at prioritizing healthier friendships. i feel like im improving in many areas of my life. im still scared about grad school bc i already got rejected from one school and ill be getting all of my results by late march which is slowly creeping up. we’ll see where life takes us. 

[scarlettsbody]

[babytowntm]

Life update ! I saved enough money!!!

After a bit of a slow drag these last few weeks, I finally have stuff to post here again.

Corona has been spreading like a wildfire again through my social circle. My boss, my boyfriend, my family even my friends all got it at one point. I still haven't caught it so I'm hoping it'll stay as far away from me as possible.

My boyfriend, despite his sickness, is currently working on the last part of his exam season. Uni has been especially tough on him and ever since enrolling he's been struggling ever since. He's studying computer science I suppose it's called and as such you have to be able to use a lot of mathematics. He always succeeded at math but unfortunately no one really prepares you for how much harder Uni-Math will be. He only has two courses about mathematics and he's been struggling hard. It's heartbreaking to watch because he's been trying so hard to improve but it barely shows or even works out.

These are the only two courses he's failing in and right now he's in his 4th semester. The courses he's still struggling with are from the first semester. He promised himself he'd try these courses one last time this month and if he fails again, he'll look for another way to work in the IT Industry. I don't know what to feel. On one hand I really want him to succeed because he's been working so hard and I wish for him to continue his dream, but on the other hand he's been working on these courses for a year and a half now and still hasn't succeeded. Maybe he should try something else.

It's a bit conflicting. Aside from that though, work for me has been fine. Mostly. My boss is very nice and understanding but ultimately very scatter brained most of the time. She forgets a lot of stuff, stuff she hasn't told me about, and then we're both lost on what to do. She tries her best though and I appreciate it a lot.

but on the most important of important notes... I DID IT!!!!! I finally saved enough money to start my driver's license. I already signed up for it and cannot wait for my first lesson to start. Unfortunately the driving instructor still hasn't replied. I'm giving him until tomorrow. The only days you can talk to the people in charge is during tuesdays and thursdays and I've already waited a week. Thursday is the day I'll visit his office.

[fieldnotesinsides]

Some of the things I’ve learned over the years

1. You can’t have everything under control, it doesn’t work that way. Life consists of many random factors intersecting with each other; 2. It’s not cool to be late; 3. Don't be ashamed of your clothes or your family's financial state; 4. You can’t help a person if s/he doesn’t want to be helped; 5. “No” is a complete sentence; 6. Try to do your school tasks on time and prepare for it in advance; 7. The hardest thing is to start. The further, the easier it is; 8. Stop trying to make everyone like you; 9. Everything has a beginning and an end. We have much less time than we think; 10. No one has the right answers how to live this life, we're all just trying.

[no date]

[manifestingunicorn]

Is it bad that my new year is starting on the worst note possible

[u1tra-vi0let]

dear diary, a terrible mistake was made when my family and i moved here.

[derikisu]

started sono school today and i feel like im back in high school

[thegoopycarbonara]

From the Diary of Birdie Lovelace

Summer, 1890s

Florence is growing faster than Thurston and I can bear.

She is merely two now, but she is eating at the high chair and playing with her favorite toy, a little yellow wooden truck Thurston built for her at the workbench.

He dotes on her whenever he gets the chance. He always compliments the little curls in her hair and how I've done them up that morning. And when she spends the nice, warm summer days in the field while he works, he'll take a break just to play with her. She'll crawl up on his back and he'll pretend he doesn't know who it is, and he'll tease and tease until she's shrieking with laughter. I can hear them from the kitchen.

For me, I am responsible for bathing her and feeding her and getting her dressed each morning. Virginia is skilled in handsewing, so she sent me a dress she'd made out of a linen sheet set. Even Mrs. Hartwell and her oldest daughter stopped by the house to give some old clothes their children had worn years back. They were all very formal. And I wouldn't let the Hartwells inside because of how terribly dusty everything was.

I've been feeling ill again. Now I know what it could be. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow morning to confirm. Perhaps this time we will have a boy to take over the farm some day.