#Does any of this writeup make sense? I hope so

[white-cat-of-doom]

Griddlebone Playlist

This playlist is meant to outline the complex (and fundamental) emotion of love, and the pitfalls and joys of chasing after something grand that requires another to reciprocate the affection.

More specifically for this set of songs, the want for love while having the feeling that something is not quite right, either with the other individual involved, or within your own mind. Through isolating oneself into hollow emptiness after heartbreak, and due to feeling devoid of being wanted, it is hard to be vulnerable and let anyone back into a place of emotional attachment.

Did you ever actually feel what 'love' was? Are you really deserving of being loved? After everything, wherever can you find it?

川口雅代 (Masayo Kawaguchi) – Melty

ROMY – LOVE コマーシャル (Love Commercial)

越美晴 (Miharu Koshi) – 恋はファニー・フィーリング (Love Is A Funny Feeling)

宮原芽映 (Mebae Miyahara) – 悪魔のように微笑んで (Smiling Like A Devil)

いしだあゆみ & ティン・パン・アレイ・ファミリ(Ayumi Ishida & Tin-Pan-Alley-Family) – 私自身 (Myself)

麗美 (REIMY) – シャドー・ブレイ (Shadow Play)

竹内まりや (Mariya Takeuchi) – プラスティック・ラブ (Plastic Love)

工藤順子 (Junko Kudo) – 夕顔姐さん (Ms. Yugao)

Meow Meow & Thomas Lauderdale – Hotel Amour

Tracks 1 and 2, 3 and 4, 5 through 7, and 8 and 9, are meant to represent different sections of time in the life of the Queen.

Signature song with playlist: Meow Meow & Thomas Lauderdale – Hotel Amour

Track One: 川口雅代 (Masayo Kawaguchi) – Melty

“ううん･･･ ････何でもないけれど 少し 不安になっただけ" ("Ugh... ...It's nothing, but I just felt a little anxious") 知られた分だけ わたしから 冷めてゆくのが こわいから (I'm afraid that the more you know, the more you'll grow colder from me) "･･･そうよ･･･” (That’s right…”) すき間もない程に 昨夜 ひ���つになったの (Last night we became one, with no gaps between us) しがみついたら 微笑うけど どうしていいのか わからない (I smile when I hold on to you, but I don't know what to do) Melty 手を引かれて 溶かし溶かされ 充たされるはずなのに (My hand should be pulled away, melted, melted, and filled up) Melty つかめないの どうしてかしら? 肩すかしされた 気分 (I can't grasp it, why? I feel like I've been ignored) 何にも言わずに 抱き寄せて (Without saying anything, I hold you close) 朝の光が あなたの景色変えないうちに (Before the morning light changes your scenery) “いやよ” ("No, no") ･･･言いかけてやめるのは うまく 言い聞かせるつもりね (...I'm trying to convince you to stop when I say it) 困らせたいの! (I want to embarrass you!) "お見通し” ("Foresight") 小悪魔ぶっても かなわない (Even if I act like a little devil, I can't compete) Melty 手を引かれて 溶かし溶かされ 充たされるはず充たされるはずなのになのに (My hand should be pulled away, melted, melted, and filled up) Melty つかめないの どうしてかしら? (I can't grasp it, why?) 何かが 違ってゆくの 何も言わせず 抱き寄せて (Something is going to be different, don't let me say anything, hold me close) めかくししてね ちぐはぐなこと 言わないうちに (Before I get too confused and say something foolish) Melty 手を引かれて 溶かし溶かされ 充たされるはずなのに (My hand should be pulled away, melted, melted, and filled up) Melty つかめないの どうしてかしら? 肩すかしされた気分 (I can't grasp it, why? I feel like I've been ignored) 何も言わずに 抱き寄せて (Hold me close without saying anything) めかくししててね (Please cover your eyes) 朝の光で 見えないうちに (Before you can see it in the morning light)

The initial apprehension of being more intimately involved, emotionally and physically, with another person comes with the realization that she felt nothing when it happened. She should be able to feel a deeper connection, but something is not right, and instead pretends and acts accordingly like everything is fine.

Track Two: ROMY – LOVE コマーシャル (Love Commercial)

指の中で タバコふかし 何もないのに 愛にまみれた (I smoked a cigarette in my fingers and was covered in love, even though there was nothing there) 気にするコトが 自分以外の あの人に対する 愛の神経 (What I worry about is the nerves of love for someone other than myself) いつか見た あの人はいない 私の人には ならなかった (That person I saw someday wasn't the same person I was) 私はなまけて ただならぬ犬より (I'm better than a lazy dog) ただの人を 選んでみただけ (I just picked a person) 私のコントロール あえてコントロール こわくてコントロール あえてコントロール 心に 私まかせ コントロール (My control, dare to control, I'm afraid to control, dare to control, leave it to my heart to control me) 頭の中で おもいふかし 何があ��のか 夢のざわめき (I wonder what's going on inside my head, The buzz of dreams) ただならぬ人だから あえて こわがって あの人に対する 愛の恐怖 (Because he is an extraordinary person, I dare to be afraid of him, and the fear of love towards him) 抱かれる日は 心 うきあし もうひとりの私 かくしきれない (The days when I'm held in your arms, I feel happy, and I can't hide my other self) 私のコントロール あえてコントロール こわくてコントロール あえてコントロール 心に 私まかせ コントロール (My control, dare to control, I'm afraid to control, dare to control, leave it to my heart to control me)

A reflection on not feeling love when, or to the level, you think you should, while worrying how it will affect your partner. There is a comfort in being together with someone, but that surface level connection will eventually face the challenge of it being something more for them, and she is not prepared or ready for that.

Ultimately, it is up to Griddlebone to move forward in the best way that makes sense to her, and that path is one alone.

Track Three: 越美晴 (Miharu Koshi) – 恋はファニー・フィーリング (Love Is A Funny Feeling)

彼は時間に遅れて 私は指輪を忘れた だけど ゴメンも言わずに つまらぬ言い訳ごっこ 空は春 時は今 幸せですと言わんばかり だけど 二人の心は ちぎれ雲 (He was late and I forgot my ring But we don't say sorry, we make boring excuses, And the sky keeps saying that we're happy now in spring but our hearts are torn apart by clouds) 恋はファニー・フィーリング かまわず回る 恋はファニー・フィーリング 慣れっ子 だけど (Love revolves around funny feelings, but love is used to funny feelings) 彼は口笛吹きながら 私 ため息つきながら 通り過ぎる 街角 小鳥の歌だけ響く (He was whistling, I pass by with a sigh, Only the song of a small bird echoes on the street corner) いろんなことが あったけど みんないい思い出ばかり だから ここらでピリオド それがいい (A lot has happened, but we all have only good memories, So it's good to have the end around here) 恋はファニー・フィーリング 手を振りながら 恋はファニー・フィーリング 深刻ぶらず 歌いながら 笑ってサヨナラするわ オー ファニー オー ファニー ファニ ファニ オー フィーリング オー ファニー オー ファニー ファニ ファニ オー フィーリング (Love is a funny feeling, while waving, Love is a funny feeling, don't take it seriously, I'll laugh and say goodbye while singing Oh Funny Oh Funny Funny funny oh feeling Oh Funny Oh Funny Funny funny oh feeling)

In a goal to subside the loneliness and longing to feel proper love, Griddlebone moves through relationships over time to find the elusive 'love' she believes is out there. Scared of getting too involved with someone she holds minimal emotion for, she breaks off any connection before feelings develop from the other party, and plays it off as something lighthearted.

Despite her efforts, she cannot find someone who fulfills her inside the way she thinks love should be.

Track Four: 宮原芽映 (Mebae Miyahara) – 悪魔のように微笑んで (Smiling Like A Devil)

罠をしかけ待ってるん 悪魔のように 微笑んで (I'm setting a trap up and waiting for you, smiling like a devil) さあ ドアを 叩いて ドアを ひらいて (Come on, knock on the door, open the door) 泣きまねの 電話 かけて 街灯り 胸はずませ (I made a phone call imitating crying, and the street lights made my heart flutter) あの人を 呼び出したの (I called that person) 数えては 時間をかせぐ (Counting the time to buy myself some) 優しさを 言い訳して 赤い血が 流れる前に (Kindness, before I make excuses and red blood flows) 嘘をつく ずるいあなた 忘れてよ あの娘の事は (Forget about lying You're so cunning about that girl) 罠をしかけ待ってるん 悪魔のように 微笑んで (I'm setting a trap up and waiting for you, smiling like a devil) さあ ドアを 叩いて ドアを ひらいて (Come on, knock on the door, open the door) 待つだけの 女なんて さよならよ 今夜こそは (Say goodbye to the woman who only waits, tonight) 愛の 糸 足にからませ あの人を もう逃がさない (I'll let the thread of love entwine around my legs and never let that person slip away again) 罠をしかけ待ってるん 悪魔のように 微笑んで (I'm setting a trap up and waiting for you, smiling like a devil) さあ ドアを 叩いて ドアを ひらいて (Come on, knock on the door, open the door)

A new connection with someone shows promise, but she discovers that her partner is a cheater, something that hurts Griddlebone in a way that she has not experienced before. Not used to being treated as a second thought, and feeling like she is not worthy of love if made so inconsequential, she plots to destroy and expose her partner for what they have done to her.

All the joy and hope that she felt in locating a person that is right for her is now crushed, and she vows to not let herself be taken advantage of ever again in the pursuit of love.

Track Five: いしだあゆみ & ティン・パン・アレイ・ファミリ(Ayumi Ishida & Tin-Pan-Alley-Family) – 私自身 (Myself)

ひとりソファーに寝ころんで 恋の歌聞くでもなし 歌うでもなし (I lie alone on the sofa and listen to love songs, but I don't sing them) 私は日暮れを見つめています (I'm staring at the sunset) 部屋の窓には東京湾の 船の灯が小さく揺れて (In the window of the room, the lights of the ships in Tokyo Bay sway slightly) 一人ぐらしに疲れた時は 結婚なんか考えてます (When I get tired of living alone, I think about marriage) 夜汽車で旅に出る時は 色のない写真のように 素顔のままで 東京駅から出かけています (When I travel by night train, I leave Tokyo Station with my bare face, just like a colourless photograph) 幾度か恋にこの身を灼いて 歌を忘れた私だけれど (I have forgotten how to sing because my body has been burnt by love many times) 淋しさだけを心に積んで 今日もぽつんと歌っています (But today, I sing alone once again with only loneliness in my heart) くちづけ交���恋人にさえ 私の気持は言えないでしょう (I can't even tell my feelings to my lover who kisses me) 人に知られず流した涙 (The tears I shed without anyone knowing) 私は今日も歌っています････ (I'm still singing today...)

Moving on from her heartbreak, Griddlebone refrains from being involved with anyone else for a lengthy period of time, as that means she cannot be hurt once again. However, she cannot help but feel that the emptiness inside her continues to grow as time passes, even if she tries to remain strong willed. Her thinking is that she does not need anyone to sustain her happiness if she keeps the love she has to give tightly held internally.

Track Six: 麗美 (REIMY) – シャドー・ブレイ (Shadow Play)

淋しい笑顔と 言われるのに馴れても (Even if I get used to being told that my smile is lonely) 真夜中の鏡 覗けばつぶやくの (When I look into the mirror in the middle of the night, I whisper) Say, Love is the shadow play, shadow play Love is the shadow play 恋しても (Even if I fall in love) Love is the shadow play, shadow play, shadow play ひとりぼっちじゃ怖い (I'm scared of being alone) 街角の華やかさに 気がつけば急ぎ足 (If you notice the glamour on the street corner, hurry up) 片思いのままなら 恋も失くさず済むでしょう (If you keep your love unrequited, you won't lose your love) Say, Love is the shadow play, shadow play, shadow play Love is the shadow play, 密やかに (Secretly) Love is the shadow play, shadow play, shadow play 遠くあなた見てる (I'm watching you from afar) 気づかないで (Don't notice) darling 壊さないで (Don't break it) wow wow Love Love Love Love Love Love, darling, Love Love Love Love is the shadow play

Her loneliness begins to swell to a point of action, and Griddlebone cannot ignore it or remain dormant for much longer. She is unhappy being completely alone, and wants to feel any form of connection with another, but does not want to be hurt again.

Feeling unworthy of being loved due to her faults, her past pursuit of love becomes less of a task to complete and more of a buried burden she has to carry.

In order to protect herself from emotional suffering, she develops a cold façade to protect herself with.

Track Seven: 竹内まりや (Mariya Takeuchi) – プラスティック・ラブ (Plastic Love)

突然のキスや 熱いまなざしで (With a sudden kiss and a passionate gaze) 恋のプログラムを 狂わせないでね (Do not cause a malfunction to the love program) 出逢いと別れ 上手に打ち込んで (Type in encounters and separations well) 時間がくれば終わる (When the time comes, it ends) Don't hurry! 愛に傷ついた あの日からずっと (Since the day I was heartbroken, I've been having a life) 昼と夜が逆の 暮らしを続けて (That's been reversed between day and night) はやりのDiscoで 踊り明かすうちに (While dancing the nights away at the popular disco) おぼえた魔術なのよ (There is a magic I've learned) I'm sorry! ���たしのことを決して 本気で愛さないで (Never love me seriously) 恋なんてただのゲーム 楽しめばそれでいいの (Love is just a game, all I need is to have fun with it) 閉ざした心を飾る 派手なドレスも靴も (The showy dresses and shoes decorating my closed heart) 孤独な友達 (Are my lonely friends) わたしを誘う人は 皮肉なものね いつも 彼に似てるわなぜか 思い出と重なり合う (The men who flirt with me are Ironically always similar to him for some reason My memories with him are overlapped) グラスを落として急に 涙ぐんでも わけは尋ねないでね (Don’t ask me why even if I drop my glass and suddenly glisten with tears) 夜更けの高速で 眠りにつくころ (When I fall asleep by the highway at dawn) ハロゲンライトだけ 妖しく輝く (Only halogen lights are mysteriously shining) 氷のように冷たい女だと ささやく声がしても (Although somebody is whispering that I’m an icy cold woman) Don't worry! I'm just playing games I know that's plastic love Dance to the plastic beat Another morning comes

Relationships become more of a pursuit of pleasure, rather than meaningful connection, for Griddlebone. A cycle of one night encounters to keep her company before the new day begins and she starts over again with someone new. Her self-worth starts to become tied with being seen as attractive and desirable by another person. She has convinced herself that this lifestyle will quell the void inside of her, although she knows in her heart that she is still painfully lonely. The isolation does not cease, no matter how many individuals she crosses path with.

Maybe one day she will not feel this way, but she believes it is her fault that everything turned out the way it has to this point.

Track Eight: 工藤順子 (Junko Kudo) – 夕顔姐さん (Ms. Yugao)

夕顔姐さん 部屋には 夏でもね (Yugao-san, even if it's summer in your room) こたつが置いてある 束ねたコードを つついてる 退屈な 白い猫が家族 (A bored white cat is pecking at the bundled cords next to the kotatsu table) 今夜のお座敷 長過ぎる いつもなら (The tatami room tonight is too long, as normal) 帰ってる時間 (Time to go home) お勝手の隅の 猫メシは 山盛りで (In the corner of the kitchen, there is a mountain of cat food) とても食べきれない (I can't eat it all) 明かりは点いてても 時計の音ばかり そろそろ聞こえて来る はずなのに (Even though the lights are on, all I can hear is the ticking of the clock) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さん 来年 数えでね 六十三になる (Yugao-san, I'll be turning 63 next year) 近頃男はダメだね 粋じゃない それが口ぐせです (Men are no good these days. It's not classy. That's what they say.) 衣ずれの裾は 萩の花 つい昨日 かけたパーマネント (The hem of my clothes was like a clover flower, a permanence that I wore just yesterday) 西に傾いた 大きな お月様 帰りを急がせる (The big moon leaning to the west hurries my return home) 浮かれ足の男 物欲し気な女 (A playful man, a wistful woman) 若いネオンの街に カラコロと (In a young neon city, colourfully) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 細い路地に入ると 犬達が吠えだす 待ちくたびれた猫は夢で聞く (When I enter a narrow alley, the dogs start barking, and the tired cat hears it in a dream) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta) 夕顔姐さんの下駄の音 (The sound of Yugao-nee’s geta)

Years removed from the emotional low point of her life, the empty hedonism to fill the void inside her, Griddlebone has taken up residence with an older, single woman that has mirrored her own experiences in the search of love. The familiar sounds of geta beckon the arrival of her human home to Griddlebone, and her days are spent resting in the sun and keeping busy through the house, all while reminiscing of a past of incomplete love. She has become accustomed to a quiet, uneventful life where she is loved by Ms. Yugao as a sweet pet and taken care of like the beautiful Queen she is.

Still, there is an unshakable feeling that she has missed out on true love in her life, despite her current, content happiness.

Track Nine: Meow Meow & Thomas Lauderdale – Hotel Amour

Fun fact: Meow Meow played Griddlebone in the 2019 movie!

I looked for Love in the beautiful cities I looked for Love up in the air I looked underground though I knew that I shouldn't And still, no Love was anywhere I went to the place they call Heaven I went to the Hotel Amour I sat still and wrote Love some letters But Love doesn't read anymore I sang Love into my stories And I danced Love into my dreams But Love didn't find me Let alone blind me Love is nowhere it seems I looked for Love by pretending I wasn't I looked for Love close to the bone I fixed up some wings and I bought all the permits So Love could take flight when it was grown I followed the maps, I read all the signs I bought Love a building called "Home" I filled in the forms and I paid all the taxes Still, Love left me alone... My heart's still jumping out of my skin I've nothing to keep the feeling in I've nothing to do to make Love stay I've nothing to keep the darkness away You're all in the grandness of little things A leaf that's shaped like a heart A simple breeze, a feather Morning light, evening star And I'm singing to you my stories And I'm dancing with you in my dreams... Love... Love is everywhere... it seems

Throughout her life, Griddlebone has done everything she thought was correct to find and feel a form of love that made her feel complete, but could be deemed as unsuccessful in that pursuit.

Although it never manifested for her as love with another, she has felt the unconditional love of someone that cares for her as the most important thing in her life.

Looking back on her life now as a senior Queen, Griddlebone comes to a realization that love can now be found all around her. It was never her fault for not finding the idea of 'love' that she felt she needed, and there may never have been an instance where she felt that she had found the prize she was after, but love was always with her in the little things of life.

@the-cat-at-the-theatre-door I am not sure if you are still interested in these after all this time, but in case you are, enjoy :).

[causticsodaa]

Beyond the Surface of Suo and Sakura’s relationship

**MANGA SPOILER WARNING**

This is my first post on this website, apologies if theres anything incoherent here. This post is also very simplified and lacks some information as I wanted to keep it as concise as possible. If you would like a full-blown analysis about their relationship, do let me know. I may consider making a complete writeup.

Contrary to popular belief about their “lack of interactions”, Suo and Sakura share many important and pivotal moments together scattered across the story. They may not have that big impactful moment compared to other dynamics in WBK (examples being Chika calling Endo by his full name, or Nirei yelling at Sakura in Noroshi, but we’ll get to that later), however they are important to their relationship and for their individual characters. There’s too many to list here, so I will keep it short.

From the start of Wind Breaker, Suo has always teased Sakura; even lying to him when they first meet:

We all know that Suo is a very unserious guy, and this aspect of his character is highlighted the most when it comes to his interactions with Sakura. He constantly pokes fun at him; blatantly lying to him with the sole purpose to mess with him and just being a general tease.

These aren’t even all the instances when Suo does this! I got lazy while compiling images (yes, theres *that* many moments where Suo teases Sakura), but I hope this paints a good perspective.

This makes Sakura thinks of him as “untrustworthy”, in a more lighthearted sense.

Infact, out of anyone else in the cast, Sakura is the only person who actively questions Suo’s character. (I’m not counting Tsugeura because their confrontation was a one time thing)

But here’s the thing: Even if Suo takes advantage of the fact that Sakura is gullible enough to believe anything just so he can mess with him, Sakura still relies on Suo.

He relies on him to come up with a strategic plan for their war, partners with Sugishita despite his initial reluctance, and even follows his advice on how to fight with others people (which works in his favor immensely during the beginning of Noroshi and while he works with Sugishita)

Theres also another moment I’d like to showcase (which is very underrated imo):

Here, we see Sakura taking the support of Suo’s shoulder in order to kick Endo in the face. We also see Suo defending Sakura a few moments ago as well.

Heres’s the thing: Sakura is an arial fighter. He can easily jump to certain heights by himself, much less be able to kick his opponents mid-air. He doesn’t require any support to lift his body upwards.

So why would Sakura do this?

It’s simple: Sakura trusts Suo, whether it be direct or subconsciously. And as his vice captain, Suo also trusts Sakura. Why would he appoint him as class captain if otherwise?

Their mutual trust plays a massive part in their relationship. There are many instances showing this aspect, but for now I will just analyze this iconic scene:

Both Sakura and Suo immediately jump into action in order to protect their friend, Nirei, from any immediate threat (Endo). They exchange no words, only a knowing glance to each other.

I believe that this page shows the essence of their relationship: Despite their petty banter and occasional disagreements, despite how less ‘open’ their relationship is, they are more often on the same wavelength than not.

They care for and trust each other immensely. However, many of their nuances are in hidden between the lines of their relationship due to the guarded nature of characters.

And it is with all these aspects combined that makes the Suo and Sakura duo appealing to many people.

TLDR: Suo and Sakura trust and care for each other a lot, despite their personal shortcomings and Suo incessantly messing with Sakura.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk. There was so much more I wanted to write about here (such as their flawed perspectives on each other, suo’s perspective on sakura, and how they uplift each other), but unfortunately Tumblr literally refused to upload most of my images and nuked half of this post bc it decided not to save the draft; hence the short analysis. If you have any additional thoughts, feel free to let me know :)

[anthurak]

So I thought I’d do a quick writeup of my full thoughts on the new series’ revealed for Super Robot Wars Y, at least before my hyperfixation abruptly pivots to the Yugioh Chronicles anime later this evening lol

Starting with the new series’, as I feel like I’m going to have more interesting things to say about the returning shows:

SSSS DYNAZENON – Honestly I’m kicking myself just a little bit for not having thought of this one as an inclusion. Considering how Gridman was one of the big headliners of 30, it really only made sense that Dynazenon would make it into the next game. No real thoughts otherwise other than it’s cool to see it included.

Godzilla: Singular Point – I mean, what am I supposed to say? It’s Godzilla in an SRW game. Shit’s gonna get crazy XD. Though honestly, in hindsight I’m not too surprised, as ever since V introduced Space Battleship Yamato, it seems like every mainline SRW game has included this kind of off-the-wall entry. Whether it was Nadia in X, Cowboy Bebop in T or Gridman in 30, and now Godzilla in Y. Also, at this point I think it’s only a matter of time before Nanoha or Symphogear make it into an SRW game lol

And now for the returning shows:

Heavy Metal L-Gaim – Not much of an opinion, though I certainly don’t mind seeing it. Yes, it’s another returning series from 30, but considering just how long L-Gaim was benched before that game, I certainly don’t mind them showing up a second time in a row.

Raideen – I’m not all that into Raideen, but I have to say it is really cool to see this one return after being absent for so many games. Especially given how Raideen was something of a mainstay for earlier SRW games.

Mazinkaiser vs. The Great General of Darkness – Okay yeah, this one is REALLY interesting. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen the Mazinkaiser OVA in an SRW game (I want to say last time was L?), but at the same time it seems like we’re getting the SRW Alpha version of Mazinkaiser? Combined with that really wild looking Tornado Punch/Shoulder-Slicer attack, I feel like this is going to be one of those times were the team just starts blending a lot of elements together to make some pretty fun original stuff. Personally hoping this turns out like the W version of Mazinkaiser that had both the Final Kaiser Blade from the OVA and the Final Kaiser Nova from the Alpha games. Or hell, maybe a combo of the two?

Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz – While it may have shown up pretty recently in SRW X, not to mention my previous comments about other Gundam shows not gelling well with G-Witch, I’m honestly pretty happy to see Endless Waltz included. Mostly because we also have Code Geass, and as anyone who played the Z2 games will know, there is a lot of VERY fun crossover potential between Gundam Wing and Code Geass, particularly as we have both their sequel movies together. And of course that this might just have us getting the Wing Zero Rebellion in this game (you better believe I have my fingers goddammned crossed for that XD).

Gundam SEED Destiny – Honestly I don’t mind that it’s here? The last time we saw Destiny was in V, so it does feel like it’s been a bit. I know a lot of people were hoping we’d see FREEDOM, but I think we all kinda knew that it was probably just a bit too early for that. And heck, maybe Destiny is being included so the team can sneak a few things from FREEDOM into this game?

Zeta Gundam and Char’s Counterattack – So yeah, after giving it some more thought, I think I’m definitely with a lot of other people in that I’m not a fan of these inclusions, for pretty much all the same reasons. These two shows have been in ALL of the recent SRW games and it really does feel like it’s time to bench them. At least 30 had the interesting gimmick of only including Gundam shows from the Universal Century, but that just makes it seem like it would have been more appropriate to NOT include any UC entries in this game. Like if you wanted another Gundam entry that would allow you to reuse assets from a recent game, why not 00 Trailblazer? Like SEED Destiny, it’s been a few games since we’ve seen that one AND it goes very well with both Endless Waltz and Geass being included.

So those are my thoughts. All in all, I’m pretty excited or at least happy to see most of the new inclusions.

[a-robot]

sometimes, when i'm in a truly desperate mood, i look up "when does it get better?". i always looked at posts from reddit due to the likelihood of it being real and genuine. and no matter what, i always found myself drawn, not to the comments saying that it will get better, but the comments that say it won't. those comments, though coming from a unhealthy mindset, and definitely not good for me, feel like the only ones that understand. the only ones that get that positive self talk and meditation and bullet journals isn't gonna get me out of this. the only ones that get that i can't control anything that is causing my suffering. but these comments aren't gonna help me. and so i continue my fruitless search for a definitive answer to the question "how the fuck am i gonna get better?". i just want like... an answer key of sorts to tell me how. how the fuck do all these people i see and meet around me go from wanting to die to telling me that one day i'll be able to live without feeling like something deep within me is missing.

see what i did there?

anyways, the answer key by 0TS is honestly one of the most earnest songs i've seen as of late. the actual meaning of the song is very different from what i have written for this writeup (i don't really have any particularly unhealthy coping mechanisms), but it's like... i can sense the same desperation through it's lyrics that hits me in my lowest moments. the incessant need to be told that you can and will get better now, not in some sort of hypothetical future where by some sort of vague sequence of events, you immediately got better and became happier and you now love being alive. to get an answer.

to add in another ancedote, i tried telling my therapist yesterday my grievances. how i just want someone to give me a real answer. he went on about how that's unanswerable and to just think positively or whatever the fuck. i remember just thinking "this isn't helping". i asked to not get a non-answer and just... got a non-answer.

it's not like i don't want to get better. it's just that i have no real solution. no answer. the circumstances behind my depression are related to situations outside of my control. my friend said that it's like i had "shit life syndrome" - which is used to describe a phenomenon in how people have poor mental health when their life just... objectively sucks. and how they're not easy to help because of this fact. and it's like... yeah! there isn't really a pretty picture being painted of what my life will be like in a couple years.

but on the other hand, for a long time, i've fantasized about that same older me making art. mainly music. art has always been a huge passion of mine, since like... preschool. creating things and having an audience who can see your creations and care about them... that's all i want in life. which i guess ties back into the answer key. our lives are characterized by a fuckton of strife and suffering, and it's hard to picture a world where it gets better... but we can make really good art with it. for creation seeps out when you run out of time.

there is one last thing i want to add. sometimes, in my darkest moments, i find myself parroting the phrase "i don't want to live like this anymore". in the end, i have to hold on to what minimal hope i have left for the future. i have to hold hope in my heart that one day, i'll be able to say "i survived". and maybe that's all that is on that answer key i crave.

[thesnarkerramblings]

Choosing Good Images For Medium Articles

In a Medium article, the most important thing is often the writing. It’s what Medium was primarily made for, and there is a reason a minimum word count for pieces was put in place. 

However, that doesn’t mean images don’t have a purpose. From photo and art gallery articles to supplementary decoration of primarily written pieces, visuals can be powerful tools for storytelling and information. 

With that being said, pictures must be chosen carefully and wisely. Failing to do so could take away from an otherwise thorough write-up or ruin the aesthetic of an image collection. 

This piece will go over how to pick images for a Medium (or Medium-like, such as one on Vocal Media) article. Please note that I cannot fully guarantee that my advice here will work. However, I nevertheless hope it can be of at least some use to you.

Aesthetic

An important thing about photos and art when it comes to inserting them into articles is their aesthetic quality. This may mean different things when it comes to the differing mediums of visual expression.

For photos: is the resolution (pixel clarity) good? Is the lighting clear, and is there a purpose for any optical obscurity present if it isn’t? Do the objects, animals, and/or people within the photo appear well defined - unless there’s a strong reason to make things look uncanny like deliberate horror or intentional weirdness? 

You might get a bit more leeway when it comes to the visual arts outside of photography. Art is subjective, as an old saying goes - when it comes to the simple accompaniment of other work, at least. But there still needs to be some sort of appeal present in the visual.

Relevance

How relevant is your image, anyways? Does it symbolize at least one part of your topic in any way? Does it provide important data (eg. via graphs, tables) that give context to the subject you’re writing about? Does it match the tone of your piece?

It’s likely in poor taste to put a picture of a cute anime schoolgirl from a wholesome slice-of-life series in an article about a real-life serial killer cold case. Or a photo of a surgery for a writeup on the dangers of cryptocurrency. Heck, even a cheap clipart of ice cream would probably not match up all too well with a piece comparing different types of ceiling fans. The list goes on.

Full disclosure: I am not a genius at choosing the perfect images for my articles. Sometimes, I will just go through random public domain image websites to search for topics vaguely matching the mood of - or related to - the subjects of my pieces. However, I think there’s something both me and those better at picture choices for articles can agree on: basic formatting. 

The specifics of accepted formatting can vary based on the publication and/or genre of your article. Drop quotes, citation methods, heading styles. But one thing's for sure: writing flow is vital. Interrupting a sentence to drop an image in the middle of it, unless used for dramatic effect, is far from ideal.

Basic Decency

Finally, there’s also just basic common sense when it comes to picking article images. 

Be a nice person. Don’t use personal photos from or of other people you haven’t been granted permission to use, or are of the sorts of things whoever is affected cannot properly consent to. Avoid stealing someone's secret vent art. And please, please don’t just go and leak classified information.

Also, I do not encourage breaking the law. It’s not worth it for five seconds of fame.

…

Images can wonderfully add to articles - when used with care.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

Other Socials

Twitter/X: https://x.com/snarkylisa

Main Tumblr: https://snarkylisa.tumblr.com/

Medium version: https://medium.com/@SnarkyLisa/choosing-good-images-for-medium-articles-b99acb37af63

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

How to Ask Steven stuff.

Because apparently we need a tutorial.

Okay guys. I know I encourage you to send me asks and then somehow don’t reply to any of your lovingly-crafted little gifts of joy and 280 characters. I ask for questions for Steven and then never touch them when they arrive. 

And so it stands to reason that we may need to explain WHY and HOW I choose the asks I answer. 

It turns out I DON’T just answer every question willy nilly, and I DON’T just answer the ones who yell the loudest, beg the most, and send me the most asks. In fact, all those things just make it more likely to delete your message! (Sorry guys, but if you wrote ‘plz reply!!!!’ into any message you sent me, there’s a 99% chance I deleted it immediately.)

Anyway, to remedy this breakdown in communication, I’ve decided to do a quick writeup of how I select asks - and which asks I delete on sight and why. 

Keep in mind that this is not an exhaustive list. 

Let’s get right into it:

[Text: Reason #1: Future Vision. Ask reads: “Steven!! Listen to me! You’re not a full gem! You’re White Diamond’s don! Pearl killed Pink! Rose Quartz isn’t who she says she is!!!” - REJECTED.]

Guilty of - trying to be a sapphire and using future vision to spoil plot points FOR THE CHARACTERS. 

I will not reply to these asks. Full stop. The ONLY time I did was back in season 1 where someone told Steven he’s magical.

Reason: It takes away Steven’s ability to discover things on his own, and makes even less sense in the meta. WHY would a person sending him asks know more about it than he, himself does?

[Text: Reason #2: Choose Your Own Adventure Gaming. Ask reads: “Steven, you should go up to the lighthouse on top of the temple. Then knock on the door. Then talk to Ronaldo. Then ask him about Sneeple. Then...” - REJECTED]

Guilty of - trying to control Steven like a character in a videogame or an RPG.

These asks get a delete 90% of the time because 90% of the time they don’t move the story forward. They’re just the asker trying to grab control of the story to move it in the direction THEY personally want it to go. The solution here is to make your own story. 

Even asks that have one thing are on thin ice. If you sent me a message that starts with ‘Steven, you should ___’ then there’s a 50% chance it will not be answered.

Reason: It says ‘ASK’, not  ‘TELL’ and not ‘ORDER’. 

[Text: Reason #3: Sex/Violence. Ask is censored with a mosaic. REJECTED. ]

Guilty of: Not reading the room.

We get it. You’re edgy. You Grew Up. You know about Big Adult Stuff. It’s Exciting for you because it’s new and makes you realize for the first time that you’re a bag of meat. You’re trying to wipe the feeling off by inflicting it on other people and hope it makes them feel the same way because you can’t handle thoughts going through it alone. The idea of thinking something and NOT immediately sharing it is alien to you. You have no self control. 

Reason: There’s a time and place for everything. This is not that time, and not that place. 

[Text: Reason #4: Too Soon. Ask: “Hey Steven, I just wanted to ask about how Earl feels about Rose now that she knows Rose shattered Pink Diamond!” ON HOLD.]

Guilty of: Jumping the gun and asking about a plot turn that has not yet taken place in the comic. 

These asks are actually fine! :)

But I am unlikely to answer them anytime soon. The most likely outcome is that I save them to my Big Ol’ Pile of Asks and answer them... someday. When they finally become applicable. 

[Text: Reason #5: Misc. Ask 1: “Hey can you draw me my OC he has spiky hair and anime eyes and big boots and his...” Ask 2: “can steven skateboard? also i love your work :)” Ask 3: “When is the next comic coming oooout? Last week you posted 36 panels and this week you ONLY posted 34!!! >:( Why are you so lazy?!”]

I think most of these are a little self-explanitory.

I will generally delete asks that:

- beg for artwork, especially for free

- ignore the FAQ

- ask ME questions instead of asking Steven, or combine them (sorry guys... I wanna answer, but if I can’t tell which one of us you’re talking to, I can’t use the ask!)

- Demand that I work MORE or that I’m somehow not satisfying your intense need for free-to-read content at the desired pace, because the world is your oyster and you NEED. THAT. PONY!!!! 

... I want to mention one LAST reason that I may be ‘ignoring’ your ask. 

And that is to say, I’m not ignoring you at aLL and instead I’m just holding the ask quietly and sobbing because you’ve absolutely made my day with your kind words and I can’t find it in me to release the ask into the wild. 

(I love you all, I promise I read your ask!! I’m just very bad at answering! I’m so sorry!!!!)

And just to finish off, to put your minds to rest I will also say this:

I WILL NEVER DELETE ASKS FOR ONLY THIS REASON: 

- Your English isn’t “good enough”

I am an immigrant. I also had to learn English. Trust me, a few mistakes here and there are FINE! Don’t worry about spelling or grammar! If I understand you, we’re good. 

Thank you for reading! I hope this was somewhat helpful.

Okay but seriously, PLEASE read the FAQ.

[ribbononline]

Uuuuuu have PDA doodles so i can make a hc post for admin au!! Mostly for Maxie and Archie, but all admins are there as well 

(for a full writeup of how the games play out in their respective AUs, check out this post!)

ok ! so like stated in earlier post the basic gist is that rather then splitting up back in their rocket days one convinced the other to join their team! So in Sapphire, Maxie joined team aqua as admin, and in Ruby archie joined team magma as admin! Depending on which team they’re both on, the other team just does not exist in that version of the AU 

They’re still dating and together and (mostly) happy! Archie being with magma helped Maxie never really succumb to stress so he’s a lot more relaxed. Maxie in aqua mainly helped streamline and organise things a lot so they move a bit faster! 

While they are happier in the sense that they’re still together and didn’t have to deal with that hell of a breakup, neither admin truly believes in the goals of their teams, making it a little…  For Ruby; Archie doesn’t truly believe deep down Magma will be able to help everyone and is afraid it’ll harm ocean pokemon, but he knows Maxie is doing his best to cancel out any negatives and thus decided to put his faith in him and follow him anyhow. (Quite frankly, depression shines trough when he thinks about what their plans would do in the long term considering he still is not super fond of humanity as a whole- so he tries just to…. not think about it)

for Sapphire; Maxie is very convinced Kyogre is just going to flood everything and everyone and brought it up a lot with Archie at the start. Archie never flat up stated his plans are in fact to bring an end to humanity as a whole, but Maxie has his suspicions considering Archie kept dismissing all the concerns he kept bringing up- and eventually started to realise that either he was going to join Aqua working towards a restart of the world, or lose the one good thing he had going for him after Rocket in his relationship with Archie. He decided to be selfish and stuck around with Archie, though guilt is real and it is killing

teams;

Magma admin Archie;

-Sharpedo

-Gabite

-Gastrodon (East)

-Nidoking

-Crobat

-Mightyena

Aqua admin Maxie;

-Numel

-Dragalge

-Crobat

-Mightyena

-Whiscash

-Relicanth

now for a random big ass hc list in no order at all (Putting ‘S:’ at the front if they’re specific to Sapphire version of the AU, ‘R:’ if they’re specific to the Ruby version) 

-S: Because he got Numel as a child, Maxie still has it even in the Sapphire version of the AU. However due to being surrounded by water and water types only, it never battles. It’s mostly just there for cuddles and to be spoiled. 

-S: Because Maxie lets him wander the Aqua base, the grunts see Numel as almost kind of a mascot for their team. Everyone spoils it. Everyone. It started becoming kind of a problem, because it got a little overweight. Now there are multiple posters troughout the base warning people to  ‚Not feed the Numel, no matter how cute it looks at you.’ 

-S: “Max ya can’t teach every single water Pokémon on your team Scald” “Sounds like the words of a coward too afraid to teach every single water Pokémon on his team Scald” 

-R: Archie dabbed once instead of doing the proper magma salute as a joke. Now half of the grunts won’t stop doing it and Maxie is in pain. 

-In both versions of the AU, the original proposed plan was to be co-leaders. Archie denied the position in Ruby because “C’mon Max, it’s yer dream, I’m just here to help” and Maxie denied the position in Sapphire because he did not feel comfortable being called leader of a team he fears is going to only bring destruction. He’s honestly not even entirely comfortable with the admin label, but Archie insisted. 

-S: When May first showed up, Maxie didn’t believe she could actually stop Archie- he just thought she’s delay things. At that point the stress of knowing he was working towards genocide was getting too him pretty badly, and the idea of the end of the world seemed pretty relaxing if it meant never having to worry about any of it again. So seeing a child that wouldn’t actually be able to make a difference but could potentially delay things and drag it out even longer— he went as hard as he could trying to stop her. When she did in fact defeat Kyogre at the end of the day, she got some formal apologies and a lot of thank you’s.

-R: When May proved herself capable of holding her own, Archie started dropping hints to their plans so she could keep up with them. He didn’t actively want her to sabotage the operation- didn’t feel like that’d be fair of him to Maxie-, but in case his worst fears were to come true and Maxie wouldn’t be able to control Groudon, he’d rather have her as backup there. In the end he was very glad he did that. 

-R: Archie is still in contact with Shelly, who’s still working at Devon here. She doesn’t really approve of team Magma, but Archie keeps telling her it’ll be fine, so she supposes he knows best and let’s it be. 

-R: Archie still ends up saving and befriending Matt, but never lets him join the team, figuring it wouldn’t be the best place for Matt. Instead he introduces him to Shelly and helps him become a lifeguard. 

-R: After the Groudon incident, Magma disbands. Archie ends up joining a wild Pokémon rescue service, specializing in water Pokémon. Maxie ends up working as a geologist. (Both under strict government watch after the Groudon stunt, but they’re doing their best!)

-R: Deciding Tabitha and Courtney could use some help making friends post Groudon incident, Archie ends up convincing Shelly and Matt to hang out together with them a couple of times. Matt was into the idea from the start, Shelly got more interested once she started talking to Courtney and got along with her. 

(Eventually Maxie meets Matt and Shelly too because of the hangout sessions!)

-S: Tabitha still works at Devon, and Courtney works in a flower shop while studying for a major in geology on the side. She’s not super fond of her job, but this one cute Aqua admin girl keeps dropping by, so she figures she’ll stick around. Maxie never meets them until after the Kyogre incident. 

-S: Shelly and Courtney met accidentally at Courtney’s job early on in and now talk a lot. Shelly was planning on asking Courtney out after Aqua awakened Kyogre, but once that goes wrong she feels too guilty. Instead Courtney suddenly shows up at the (now ex-) Aqua base to ask her out instead. 

-S: Matt ends up becoming a lifeguard after Aqua disbands and Shelly ends up going back to Devon. She meets Tabitha there again and one day when Matt comes pick her up from work they meet as well. One weird conversion and a lot of misunderstandings later, Tabitha accidentally ends up agreeing to come work out with Matt in the gym every week. 

-S: Eventually Maxie, Tabitha and Courtney all end up meeting trough Shelly and Matt and befriend eachother fairly fast due to mutual interests in Rocks™ 

-R: “Gabite is a Sharpedo with legs. Discuss.” “Archie please,”

-S: Maxie’s shirt is actually one of Archie’s shirts. Archie offered to get him one that fit him better, but Maxie liked this better. 

-S: Maxie hates any and all field work missions with the team because usually that means water everywhere and the lenses of his glasses being smeared with it 99% of the time. 

-S: Maxie still can’t swim. His one way of getting around in water is hanging onto his pokemon and hoping for the best. Only Archie knows. 

[redsplash1]

Alright y’all, I was bored and wanted to ignore my hw, so I made a tier list on everyone’s lore and a quick writeup for each placement. Just an fyi this is my opinion and will most likely change as we get more story content, but right now this is where I stand (no arguing please, or at least nothing that’ll result in name calling and such)

But yeah this is something I’ll probably look back on and be like “hmm maybe I was too harsh with my rankings” but rn it’s like 2:30 in the morning so yeah

TW: mention of abuse in Octane’s section

All of it will be under the cut

S Tier

Bloodhound: Maybe I’m biased because I’m a BH main, but imo their lore is the most interesting and nuanced out of everyone’s. From their parents, to their uncle, to Boone, and now their planet, Bloodhound’s backstory, current lore, and character is fantastic and honestly peak writing from Respawn atm.

Wraith: I understand that not everyone loves the “I lost my memory and am now trying to find out who I am” trope, and maybe this is also biased because I’m a complete Wraith simp, but her lore to me is also very unique and well done. The entire Voidwalker cinematic alone is what’s basically putting her in S tier, but I also love how she is the prime definition of “Looks like they can kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll” instead of your typical edgy girl that coldly pushes everyone away.

A Tier

Horizon: Interstellar but make it Scottish. She has really nice interactions with Mirage and Wattson, and there’s plenty of potential with where her character can go now that Ash is in the picture.

Gibraltar: While his lore isn’t as flashy like the ones in S tier, I still think it’s really good. For one, it’s consistent, and the stuff with Nik and Michael is very bittersweet. I really like how despite the tragedies in his life, like BH, that only made him more determined to do the right thing. 10/10 he’s got your back bruddahs

Mirage: Respawn’s poster boy, so it’s only natural that he gets a shitload of lore. Fortunately, it’s not shit and actually fleshes him out as a character greatly. I also really like the canon sibling relationship he has with Rampart. Now that his dad may or may not force himself into the picture soon, it’s gonna be more character development for Mirage either way.

Borderline

I’ll explain this tier real quick. Basically they’re between A and B; they have the potential to be great, but they’re being held back by a certain something.

--

Bangalore: Pathfinder’s Quest did a really good job fleshing her out, but the love triangle and inconsistent behavior towards Wraith isn’t doing her any favors. It’s a shame, because characters like Anita are really unique and not seen often. I can only hope Respawn realizes that no, love triangles are not the peak writing they think it is.

Loba: Same deal here, that love triangle and her rebounding off Valk is really not doing anything good towards her character. They’re adults, are they not capable of communicating? Like Bangalore, she’s also really unique in the sense that she’s a bisexual woman of color in a video game who is a complete girlboss and inspiration. Respawn stop fucking up your characters please!

B Tier

Revenant: He’s really badass, and his lore is fun, it’s just that the writing is making him look like a complete joke. He gets clowned on every time he’s about to do something cool and it’s honestly kinda sad. If the writing could give him a few kills to his name to actually establish that he’s a threat, I’ll put him up higher.

Octane: If this was fanon Octane, he’d be an automatic S tier. Respawn needs to flesh out his backstory some more, like most of the fanfics do. That one comic where he confronts his dad was 10/10, we just need more of that and actually tackling the effects his father’s abuse had on him. Also the potential history he has with Seer is a good opportunity to explore more of his character, so that’s a good start.

Rampart: Just recently she’s getting lore, and all of it is very good so far. The relationships she has with a lot of the legends are very strong, and the foreshadowing towards Big Sister returning is also a huge plus.

Fuse: The Maggie stuff was honestly really fucking lame (I blame the ingame comics for this), for me what’s really carrying his character rn are the Fusehound interactions. Idrc if it ends up platonic or romantic, all Ik is that there is a lot of potential in fleshing out Fuse as a character either way.

C Tier

Pathfinder: Okay I’m not gonna lie, I have conflicted feelings on Path. He got an entire book to himself dedicated to his own lore, along with a cinematic that gave a visual on what actually happened to his creators, and yet I don’t care for his lore??? Thinking about it, it’s probably because he didn’t really get any character development, he ultimately stayed the same (except that one moment where Revenant screwed with him, but he bounced back literally one chapter later). Also, it honestly looks like his story is over anyway, he just has to find his kid. At least his personality is 10/10 though

Lifeline: Y’all are probably thinking, why is Lifeline here and not Octane + vice versa, isn’t their lore basically the same? It’s because imo Octane has more potential character development atm, and Lifeline doesn’t really have any character interactions that don’t have to do with her childhood friend, so that to me is what’s separating her from Octane. Lol again if this were fanon Lifeline she’d probably be in A tier, borderline S tier.

D Tier

Valkyrie: Literally the first thing that happens to her in the lore is that she gets thrown into a love triangle. I understand that it’s in her character to be flirty and stuff, but a love triangle? Really? Ms. Kairi Imahara deserves sm better than that. Honestly the only reason she’s not in F tier is because I like her personality, along with the Northstar cinematic.

Seer: Tbh, there isn’t a lot we know about Seer. However, what we know about him so far isn’t detrimental and for me the reason he isn’t in F tier. The interactions he has so far have the potential to be explored.

E Tier

Wattson: Man. I wish she wasn’t here, but the fact that almost all her lore involves babysitting two grown men really killed her character for me. Fanon Wattson is a million times more enjoyable to me, Respawn needs to seriously consider giving her independent lore and/or branch out to other characters that aren’t Crypto and Caustic.

Crypto: Same thing, the fact that he’s strictly tied to Wattson and Caustic rn is annoying and stupid. It also doesn’t help that literally nothing about his personal lore has been addressed recently (Mila, clearing his name).

F Tier

Caustic: If he were actually established as a proper villain, he’d be way higher. But no, Respawn wants to play rock paper scissors with this guy; one second he literally wants to gas a city, the next he’s playing nice because “Wattson blackmailed him?” Lol I don’t fucking think so. I’m not saying a redemption arc for Caustic is impossible, it’s just that Respawn did a really shitty job in actually convincing people that he deserves it. And yes, even the whole deal with his mom isn’t doing it for me. Nah fuck this guy sorry y’all, he’d be way better as a villain imo

TLDR: Fanon does it better

[missmentelle]

Would you say it's the same thing for ADHD? I was diagnosed as having 'traits of adhd' a few years back and always assumed it was more a reflection of the fact that i was diagnosed by a med student not being supervised who made some significant errors in the way she tested me as well as omitting what I thought were some significant observations from her writeup, but I've been wondering lately whether I am actually ADHD or not

It’s the same for all disorders - if a diagnosing professional wrote down on a psychology report that you have “traits of” a mental disorder, it means that they felt you did not meet the criteria for a full diagnosis at that time, most likely for one of five reasons:

You didn’t have enough symptoms to meet the minimum required for the diagnosis, or you were missing a key symptom that is required to make that diagnosis.

Your symptoms are not severe enough to warrant a diagnosis; they do not cause significant disruption or impairment in your daily life. 

Your symptoms only occur in one specific context (eg. you have symptoms at school, but not at home, work or with friends), or your symptoms are a side effect of medication or intoxication. 

Your symptoms have not been going on long enough to meet the criteria for the diagnosis, they don’t occur frequently enough to make the diagnosis, you have long symptom-free periods that negate the diagnosis, or your symptoms did not appear at an age consistent with the onset of that diagnosis.

You sort of meet the criteria for the diagnosis, but there is a different diagnosis that does a much better job of explaining your symptoms (this is sometimes listed as a “differential diagnosis”, rather than “traits of X”).

A report stating that a person has “traits of” a certain disorder or “features of” a disorder is actually extremely common. I’ve probably read more than thousand psych reports at this point in my career, and it’s quite normal for phrasing like that to appear on them. Usually, this is actually a sign that the person is being rather thorough - they are noting that they considered ADHD as a possible diagnosis but ultimately could not make the diagnosis for some reason or other. As I said, other reports may format this differently, and include a list of “differential diagnoses” in the conclusion - this is a list of diagnoses that they considered but ultimately ruled out for one reason or another. 

Unfortunately, learning that you have “traits” of a disorder doesn’t really tell us much, especially without seeing the full psych report. Maybe you didn’t have ADHD then, but you have since developed it. Maybe you don’t have it and never did. Maybe you have some other sort of executive dysfunction or disorder that explains your symptoms, but it was missed the last time around. Maybe a diagnosis of ADHD was warranted back then, and still is. Maybe you only have ADHD symptoms in a specific context, which would make you ineligible for diagnosis but suggests there is something going on that needs to be addressed. I don’t know enough about your case to know for sure. All that I know is that the only way to be sure if you have ADHD - or any other mental disorder that you may be concerned about - is to seek a second opinion and get another assessment done. 

(I’m going to give some clarification about what having “traits of” a disorder means for other readers who may have similar questions. You should know, though, that ADHD is actually slightly different than other disorders like BPD that you may have “traits of” - ADHD is a neurological condition that responds to medication, and if you are given ADHD medication when you don’t actually have ADHD, you are going to notice pretty quickly that you’ve been misdiagnosed. If you calm down and get more sleep while taking what is effectively speed, you can be pretty sure that ADHD is the correct diagnosis for you. People with other disorders like depression, agoraphobia, PTSD and BPD don’t have the same kind of litmus test available for their diagnosis.)

It’s important to remember that everyone has traits of at least one diagnosable disorder - most people will have traits of several. Some people are more easily distractible than others, some people have more trouble sleeping, some people are naturally low-energy or feel more intense emotions. If you browse through a copy of the DSM-V, you are going to find some stuff in there that sounds like it applies to you. Nobody has perfect mental health, especially in their teens and early 20s. But most people do not meet the criteria for the diagnosis of a mental disorder.

This is where we have to think critically about what a diagnosis actually is, why we do it, and what it actually means. Diagnosing a psychological disorder is not like diagnosing a medical disorder, where we can do some blood tests and scans and know exactly what a person has. Psychological diagnoses are always subjective, to some extent - we made categories to describe common clusters of behaviours and symptoms, and we decided where to draw the line between “someone who is just quirky” and “someone who needs formal psychological treatment”. Where exactly we draw that line has always been the subject of debate. 

We could make it so that everyone who has any sort of mental health flaw at all gets diagnosed with a disorder, but that sort of defeats the point of diagnosis - if almost everyone on earth has a diagnosis, then a diagnosis effectively becomes meaningless. There’s no longer meaningful distinction between “someone with an overactive imagination” and “someone with treatment-resistant psychosis” - it all just gets slapped with the same diagnosis. It can also lead us to “medicalize” behaviours that might not need to be “medicalized”. After all, if we diagnose someone, we need to do something about that diagnosis. Diagnosing them means we’ve identified that they need some sort of treatment or intervention. But do all quirks in human behavior really need to be ironed out with treatment? Do we really want to build a world where everyone who falls outside a very rigid definition of mental health gets told that they have something wrong with them? Likewise, if we make diagnosis too restrictive, that’s not good either. Now we have the opposite problem - if we make the criteria for a diagnosis too strict and too narrow, we miss people who might seriously benefit from having treatment. If we say “you need to be severely suicidal before we can diagnose you with depression”, we’re going to overlook a lot of non-suicidal people whose depressive symptoms are ruining their lives, and who could be treated if we just recognized them as depressed. If we are only diagnosing and helping the most severe of the severe cases, we aren’t really making good use of the tools available to us and diagnosis once again becomes basically meaningless, because not having one is no longer a good indicator of whether or not you need help. 

Diagnosis is a balancing act, and there are a lot of people who fall in kind of a grey area where it’s not totally clear if we should be diagnosing them or not. People are complicated, and they rarely fit neatly into categories. If we have a twenty-year-old girl who experiments with drugs, has a lot of short-term and casual dating relationships that end poorly, struggles to make and keep friends, and doesn’t really have a stable sense of who she is and what she wants, does she have BPD? Or is she just a normal 20-year-old? How would we decide? If we diagnose her, we might be pathologizing behaviour that isn’t really all that unusual for her age group, and making her feel like she’s defective for struggling with things that are pretty normal for someone her age to be struggling with; diagnosing her could make her believe that she’s incapable of healthy relationships, which could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand, if we don’t diagnose her, we could be missing the fact that she does actually have a fairly serious disorder, and depriving her of the chance to get life-changing treatment that might help her develop the healthier, more fulfilling relationships that she has been missing out on. We could be leaving her to deal with her destructive behaviours on her own, without having any of the language or tools she needs to disrupt those patterns. 

If you’ve been assessed by a mental health professional and you have questions about how they reached the conclusions they did, I encourage you to ask questions and have an open conversation about your symptoms, possible treatments and needs. If you don’t feel that they have a good understanding of your case, I highly encourage you to get a second opinion on your diagnosis from another professional. Whenever possible, seek a diagnosis from someone who specializes in mental health - this should be a psychologist or psychiatrist (or in some cases, a neurologist), and not a general practitioner or family doctor (some family doctors can diagnose and treat basic depression, but even then, you should seek a referral to a specialist for further treatment and assessment). Also remember that diagnosis does not have to be a barrier to seeking therapy - anyone can get therapy, even if they do not meet the criteria for a psychological diagnosis, and everyone can benefit from seeking out a therapist to improve their coping skills, social skills, and general mental health.  Hope this answers your question! MM

[americas-saboteur]

I promised Id do this, heres quick first thoughts

this is based on the cbs writeups, not on anything that has been recorded. its also not based on any reveals the tag has made, im not taking that into consideration as this isnt me deciding who to root for. because im not officially picking anyone yet. this will be 90% strategy, 10% "are they annoying"

Azah has a pretty solid strategy. I think if she can get a small loyal group together she could make it far. my big worry is the usual tbqh, that she will be targeted early because shes genuinely considering her own game. also thank you for the no showmances.

Christian annoys the fuck out of me already. i dont mind a sort of floater/rat strategy, but the way he answered makes me feel like hes making excuses already for not doing anything. i just....dont trust anyone who starts a strategy conversation with "I am a joy".

Hannah's answer is long and i dig it? i initially only got the first paragraph and wanted to write her off, but reading the whole thing...i think i could see myself doing something similar, so i like it a lot. I support tactful blood bathing.

Brent has a similar issue to christian. I dont HATE him, but it feels like hes going in with overconfidence. Overdoing it with proving you have charm buddy, and since thats your strategy i dont have much else to say....

Britini seems excited, which is cool. but it doesnt sound like she has a solid strategy other than "win comps, say im making moves" which...fine. im hoping its more of an "assess once we get in there" thing.

Derek F is smart in getting to know people personally. a personal connection makes it harder to vote someone out, so i have a lot more confidence in his confidence than other houseguests.

Frenchie....ok before we get into strategy, who the fuck describes themselves as supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. who describes themselves as a nonsense word. already hate him for that. but beyond that, im glad he acknowledges that setting a strategy wouldnt benefit him right away. what does a farmer have to do with that? idk, but i hope he isnt horrible. glad he doesnt want to get famous, like i genuinely like when people make that point.

Travis kinda goes between Brent and Derek F for me. like his confidence doesnt feel forced, but it does feel overexplained. It sounds like the pranks might be part of strategy if hes putting the blame on other people, so as long as they arent annoying im ok with him.

Alyssa seems to want a well rounded game, but she feels like shes going to do a big group sort of thing. and i dont like that as a viewer. i worry that she would get lost in that group once the house gets more empty, so i guess we will see how that turns out. I dont get wanting first hoh or wanting to be like tyler, but i guess you do you.

Tiffany's strategy is short, sweet, and to the point. i dont have much to go on, but ngl her willingness to try slop could weirdly help her? theres almost nothing in the small sample of her bio, unlike the others i actually read the full one and i didnt get much more. im gonna pretend i didnt see her fave duo.

Xavier seems enthusiastic. smart to not want to win comps unless necessary, smart to not play personal. beyond that i dont have any strong thoughts

Claire is a fan and i love that. sounds like she knows what to say to excite other fans, the important strategy points to make the game better. i just hope she can actually deliver on these, that it doesnt backfire on anyone. also please cause disruptions, thats entertainment and can be strategic.

Sarah, if i remember, is the weeb people were talking about. which....love that, love seeing people who have similar interests to me in the game. but also im glad shes upfront and says the word "float". we know its not accidental, so i can respect it a lot more.

Whitney is pretty alright. i like that she wants to start strong, and that she doesnt have extreme details for a strategy, but i dont know what i think. Derek X could go either way. He looks like he could be fun, i genuinely hope he doesnt get lost in the crowd and eliminated early. His strategy is primarily social, but like in a more influential way and i hope he manages that tbqh.

Kyland seems prepared and enthusiastic, which is good. the specific references to different players strategies makes me more confident in him than others, like some people vaguely referenced another player, dropped a name, or mentioned them as a favorite, but hes pulling out specifics. my main worry is that he will play too hard too fast. or that he wont be able to deliver this (same worry as claire)

Overall im tired of seeing derrick and cody referenced in peoples bio but at the same time thats what cbs wants, so its what we get. and it makes sense, since they are part of the more modern game. as much as i love old school BB it makes sense to consider strategy from more recent stuff since you are more likely to experience those sorts of situations. being prepared is more important than getting old school points if you want to win. but gods i hate derrick and cody.

[elv--eyera]

A GIF-by-GIF Analysis of the 2013 Revival of Jekyll & Hyde’s version of “Transformation.”

TRIGGER WARNINGS: talk of needles / injections. Mention of potential bodily harm / death. Some bad language.

The 2013 revival went in a very, very different direction than how the scene is normally staged, so I wasn’t originally going to start this little series with analyzing this one. This “Transformation” goes far, far beyond the usual bad lab safety, and I felt like it’s be especially weird to apply any sense of realism to this production, where the concepts seemed to be all over the place. People wanted this one, though, and I’m going to give the people what they want, dammit.

This writeup could actually make the case that based on this HJ7 setup, 2013Revival!Jekyll is the most mad-scientist-esque interpretation of Jekyll that the musical’s ever featured.

A disclaimer: I’m not a doctor or a scientist. I’m just one (1) smartass that did a bit of research and is taking things both far too seriously and not quite seriously enough. I am not pointing out every single issue here... just the absolute worst ones. And yes, it’s dumb to apply medical / scientific standards to a theatrical production. But it’s also fun, on occasion!

You can watch the scene here! 

Let’s get this started with a bang!!

For starters, Jekyll really should put on protective gear like a lab coat, safety goggles and gloves if he’s going to be working with a chemical formula.  He doesn’t do those things, but Constantine at least puts on an apron halfway through This Is The Moment. (It’s a leather apron because this is the 2013 revival, so of course, it’s leather. Because... ~aesthetic~ and ~steampunk~ and ~sexy~.) 

“delicious. finally, some good fucking gloves.”

I watched this video after watching about 10 ish other Jekylls not wear gloves or ANYTHING protective, so I was absolutely rejoicing to see someone finally have them. Also, I like the kind of endearingly awkward way Constantine fiddles with them in between This Is The Moment and Transformation, but that’s not lab safety related, so, moving on-

Now we’re getting to the bad lab safety - all these gigantic flasks of chemicals were all open and unattended when he came back! Leaving it open is just making it so easy for your freakin’ formula to get contaminated!  Not only has that probably ruined the shelf life of the chemicals, you definitely shouldn’t just leave them bubbling.

Also, watch how in the above gif he has to pour the green formula in each tube individually, one at a time...

... but the red formula affects all the tubes after only one drop. 

Make it make sense ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

After making me SO happy by wearing gloves, he just flings them on the damn floor. That made me sad! I cared about those gloves, Constantine. Those gloves didn’t deserve that, Constantine! My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined. 

After he wheels the giant tubes of formula up to the sky, he starts to go all stabby on his neck and wrist, putting the IV tubes with injection needles in the little holes of the metal gauntlets. I wanted to try and not try to push realism on this too much because that’s obviously not what they’re going for, but this in particular would fuck someone up and I just gotta go into that. 

The neck is literally the most high-risk place to inject a human. It’s so easy to fuck up your breathing or heartbeat or brain by injecting into the wrong spot and hitting the arteries. Putting on the gauntlet thing would make it super hard to locate and inject into a vein, making it super easy to trigger all the issues that happen when you miss a vein and just go all stabbity stabbity on your friggin’ neck. Also, if he was going to do this on someone else, how does he account for where their veins are? 

Okay, I’ve gotta address this - Six different tubes / injection sites with ten giant jugs of evil juice is WAY too much HJ7 going into one person at one time!! Your body is going to be 100% flooded with chemical evil juice!! You’re gonna OD on the fateful brew!! And it’s bubbling - for god’s sake, Jekyll, if you inject a liquid with tons and tons of air bubbles, you are going to get an air embolism and fuck yourself up!!!

*deep breath*

It’s becoming super clear that they went for a cool-looking steampunk aesthetic, and I get that, and that’s valid... but along the way they created something that would horribly, absolutely fuck up an actual human person. I don’t want to get too far into all of the different reasons and ways it would unless someone asks for more detail (which I kinda hope someone does, honestly). I’ll just leave it at this: with this setup, Henry Jekyll is actually incredibly lucky that he somehow became a physically healthy but murderous dude, as opposed to dying painfully. 

Back to the action - this really bugs me, and let me know how you feel about this - why is everything already set up for him to administer the treatment to himself when he didn’t plan on doing that until right before this song? Specifically, why on earth would the lever to administer the treatment be placed on the chair of the person who’s receiving the treatment?

Also looking at his reaction - geez, maybe it hurts cause you’re injecting gallons of evil juice into your body without even looking for one vein!

OK, so when he (as Jekyll) put in the little IV things, he winces a bit, right. But he just flings them off as Hyde! That’s got to HURT!! 

IN CONCLUSION: 

There’s so much to say here. The designers seemed to want to create a thrilling, interesting-looking showpiece for Transformation, when the actual interesting thing about the scene is not the formula itself or how it’s administered, but how Jekyll reacts to it. This setup is absolutely, insanely bonkers, but somehow the most ridiculous thing about this isn’t the absolute overkill of the tubes and LED lights and giant bubbling flasks and electricity sound effects. No. The most ridiculous, gobsmacking thing about this, is that he lives.

It’s interesting to think about this, though - The unprecedented, dangerous aspect of Jekyll’s research, and the mad-scientist angle isn’t usually something played up in the musical. I think that’s worth exploring. I wonder what the creative team’s thought process was when conceiving this whole thing. 

Thanks for everyone that read this and huge special thanks to those who reblogged the Henry Jekyll Lab Safety Discourse and who encouraged me to write this. I hope you enjoyed reading this. I know too much about injections now, and it’s because of you. 

[cloudruler]

Cyberpunk 2077 non-spoiler review

Anyways here’s my writeup about my least favorite parts of 2077 for people who are interested in seeing if it’s for them. Both going to talk about content as well as gameplay. This is for PC version, too, because I know last gen consoles are suffering terribly rn and I wouldn’t recommend the game if you’re not going to be playing on PC. At least not until it’s on sale or the issues have been resolved. It really, really shouldn’t have been released on last gen consoles at all in my opinion - or at least should’ve been released on consoles LATER.

If you like Saints Row, GTA, Mass Effect, Shadowrun, or the Cyberpunk genre in general - I definitely think this is something you might want to take a peek at! I wasn’t anticipating the game until about a month or two before release - so maybe that’s why I’m having a blast - but It’s one of my favorite stories from the past decade as far as sci-fi goes. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and It’s really impressed me. I can’t even go into detail about all the things I LOVE because I really want folks to experience it themselves. Just know there’s a very intricately detailed world, all the characters are memorable and insanely well realized and complex, and the story is great fun. Also made me cry like 5 times. It’s become one of my FAVORITE games very quickly.

I’d also recommend Neon Arcade if you want someone who’s been covering the game for quite a while, including the technical and game industry aspect. He does well to go into some detail and even though he’s a fan, I’ve found him to be largely unbiased. I’m not going to go into industry politics here because I feel that’s up for everyone to decide on their own terms.

No spoilers, things to keep in mind, content warnings, etc. below!

CONTENT WARNINGS and issues with plot/story

this setting is dark. very dark. if you struggle stomaching things like dystopian landscapes, body horror, physical, mental and sexual abuse, corporate and gang violence, abuse of children, harsh language, and concepts that mess with the perception of reality - this game might not be for you. It’s a very mature setting, and I don’t mean that in the Adult Swim kind of way. I mean it in the ‘oh shit, it went there’ way. In my opinion I haven’t run across anything in it that was handled distastefully when it dipped into the depressing, but dark and gritty isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and I wanted to give a disclaimer.

The game’s universe in advertising and working for the lower class also exploits sex/sex work quite a bit. This is part of the lore itself because in this universe everyone’s become desensitized to sex and violence to the point that marketing embraces it and makes it ridiculous. I feel it’s very obvious that it doesn’t condone this message and is instead a commentary on consumerism - but people still might be uncomfortable seeing a lot of suggestive stuff all over the place regardless. 

Women in game are naked more often than men - even though there is nudity for both. This is likely a mix of appealing to the Gamer Boy demographic (even though the story does NOT actually), or the fact that media is way more cool with seeing naked women than seeing full frontal nudity on men. They probably had to tone some of it down to avoid going above an M rating. 

The story is amazing, but sometimes it dumps a lot onto you at once. It’s one of those sci-fi stories that you have to really be following the names, faces, and concepts continually to get it all down. There’s a lot of betrayal, background players, etc. I think by the mid-way point I’d mostly had it, but It’s pretty dense. However it’s still amazing. You might just need two playthroughs before every tiny detail clicks - because there’s a LOT of details. 

Honestly I think it would help to read up on the lore first so you’re not going ‘what’ constantly. But people have seemed to manage fine without that also! Neon Arcade has a really nice series of videos (like 2 or 3) that get you up to speed with the universe. It also helps you decide if the tone is right for you. 

I think the main story should’ve been longer, also. I don’t mind a 20 hr story, especially in a massive RPG, but It feels like they really struggled to cram as much into that time frame as possible. It skirts the edge of being nice and concise, snappy, and tight - and needing just a few more moments to take a breath and wait a second. This is helped if you do a lot of side quests.

The straight male romance option, River, is INCREDIBLY well written but he doesn’t tie into the main plot in any way whatsoever. It’s very strange and feels like they either ran out of time with him, or slapped together a romance with him at the last second. All the other romances at least know what’s going on with V’s story - meanwhile River has no idea, and you can never tell him. He’s an amazing guy though and I highly recommend his questline. He appears in ACT 2.

In general I’d say not to bother with the romances. There are only 4 total, and while the romancible characters on their own are really well written, the romances themselves are just kinda meh. One romance you don’t even meet until act 3. I don’t think they should’ve been included in the game at all, because they definitely don’t feel as fleshed out as everything else. 

CDPR also sometimes forget that women players or gay men exist. Panam and Judy have a lot more content than River and Kerry for example. I don’t think this is intentional, they just have a large fanbase of dudebros. It only shows in the romance content and the nudity thing though.

Johnny, Takemura, and Claire should’ve been romances and I will fight to the death on that. 

There are gay and trans characters in the game and their stories don’t revolve around their sexualities. It’s very Fallout: New Vegas in it’s approach to characters: IE. you’re going to love them. All of them. 

V’s gender isn’t locked to their body type or their genitals- but to to their voice. I don’t think it’s the best solution they could’ve used but given how the game is heavily voice acted I assume that was what they had to work with. 

Some of the romances are locked to both cis voices AND body types (not genitals if I recall but body shapes). That’s disappointing but I assume it was because of scripted scene issues and/or ignorance on the dev’s part considering the LGBT NPCS are so AMAZINGLY done. There’s no homophobic or transphobic language in the game - though there are gendered curse words and insults if that bothers you. 

Some characters MAY suffer from ‘bilingual people don’t talk like that’ syndrome. But it can be hard to say for sure given that translators exist in this universe and the way they operate aren’t fully described. It’s only momentarily distracting, not enough to take away from how charming the NPCs are.

The endings are really good don’t get me wrong but I want fix it fic :(. All of the endings out of like 6 (?) in the game are bittersweet. 

Both gender V’s are very good but female V’s voice acting is out of this world. If you don’t know what voice to go with/are neutral I’d highly recommend female V. Male V is charming and good but he feels much more monotone compared to female V. 

V has their own personality. To some this won’t be a detractor - but a lot of people thought they’d be making absolutely everything from the ground up. V is more of a commander shepard or geralt than a skyrim or d&d pc, if that makes sense. You can customize and influence them to a HUGE degree, some aspects of V will always be the same.

Streetkid is the most boring background - at least for it’s introduction/prologue.

GAMEPLAY/TECHNICAL

If you can run your game on ultra, don’t. It actually looks best with a mix of high and medium settings. Unless you have a beast that has ray-tracing - then by all means use ray tracing and see how absolutely insanely good it looks.

There are color blind modes for the UI, but not for some of the AI/Netrunning segments in cutscenes. Idk how much this will effect folks with colorblindness but those segments are thankfully short. 

There was an issue with braindances being an epilepsy trigger because for some reason they decided to mirror the flashing pattern after real epilepsy tests - probably because it ‘looks cool’. I don’t have epilepsy but it even hurt my eyes and gave me a headache. Massive oversight and really goddamn weird. Thankfully this was fixed.

There is no driving AI. Like at all. If you leave your car in the street the traffic is just going to pile up behind it. It’s one of the very few immersion breaking things I’ve encountered.

Sometimes when an NPC is driving with you in the car, they’ll drive on the curb and/or run into people. It’s kind of funny but can occasionally result in something weird. Feels very GTA  - but nothing excruciating. 

The camera angle feels a little too low in first person mode when driving on cars. You get used to it though. 

The police in this game feel slapped on and I hope they improve it. Right now if you commit a crime, you can never tell what will actually trigger it. And if you just run away a few blocks the police forget about it. 

Bikes are just way more fun to ride than the cars are. 

You CANNOT respec your character after you make them. Ever. it sucks. Go in with an idea ahead of time what you wanna do - it’s better than being a jack of all trades.

as of now you also CANNOT change their appearance after you exit the character creator. This, also, sucks. Make sure you REALLY like your V or you’re gonna be replaying the openings over and over like I did. 

Photomode on PC is the N key. Had to look it up. The mode itself is great though

Shooting and Mele fighting feel pretty standard. I don’t have a lot of shooter experience besides Bethesda games so anything feels better than that to me. So far I’ve enjoyed stealth and mele the best, but that’s just my own taste! The combat and driving aren’t groundbreaking by any means, but they’re still very fun. I look forward to running at people with swords or mantis blades, and zipping around the city on a motorcycle to see the sights. The story, lore, and interesting quests and characters are the real draw here.

I haven’t encountered any game breaking bugs in 80-ish hours of play time. One or two T-poses, a few overlays not loading or floating objects - but nothing terrible. Again, my experience is with Bethesda games. This is all usually fixed by either opening your inventory and closing it again, or exiting out and reloading your save. 

The C button is mapped for crouching AND skipping dialogue by default. That’s terrible. Change it in the settings to be HOLDING C skips dialogue and you’ll be gucci.

There’s apparently a crafting system. I have never been inclined to touch it. But I also play on easy like a pleb so IDK how it all scales otherwise.

The mirror reflections can be a little bit weird, at least on my end. They always end up a teeny bit grainy despite my computer being able to run everything on Ultra Max. You can still get good screens out of it though!

So many people text me to sell me cars and I want them to stop. Please. also the texting menu is abysmal. The rest is ok tho

It’s pretty clear when you’re going to go into a ‘cutscene’. all cutscenes are rendered in-engine BUT you often will be talking to other characters at a specific angle or setting. The game locks you into this usually by having you sit down. It works for me - after all we do a lot of sitting- but it IS very obvious that it’s a way for the game to get you in the frame it wants to display.

That’s all I can think of rn! If you’re interested but wanted to get a slightly better idea of whats going on, I hope this helps. I’m really enjoying it and despite my issues it’s exceeding my expectations. I’m going to be thinking about and replaying this game for quite a while. 

[roc-thoughtblog]

Sense and Sensibility Readthrough Part 1

Chapter 1, Pages 1-5

I spent a long time on the writeup for context behind why I'm specifically reading Sense and Sensibility, and then I got distracted reading about, and rereading bits of, Persuasion, so this is as far as I'm getting tonight. Chapter 1 has been exclusively about setting up background and introducing the primary characters though, so it makes a good natural stop point.

This copy is of Sense and Sensibility is ~335ish pages, but it's a very handsome illustrated edition, so the images might make it slightly shorter. I have a feeling I won't be able to finish it before I potentially see Sharkie again, but let's see how far I get.

Readthrough below.

Chapter 1

Elderly Dashwood invites his heir/nephew Henry & family to live with him after his sister passes. Of Henry Dashwood's family situation:

1 son, from a previous wife, financial secure from prosperous inheritances & his own marriage.

3 daughters, by current wife, with all stakes on the inheritance of Dashwood estate as their mother is penniless and their father owns very little himself, relatively. Though the father may live off some of it, the previous wife's fortune is not to his access and belongs otherwise wholly to the first son.

Grunkle Dashwood dies, and in his will... leaves the estate "on such terms as destroyed half the value of the bequest." Of course. Henry Dashwood's first son's child, who needs it least, was so cute a 4-year-old he charmed of Grunkle Dashwood the whole estate. A frustratingly realistic, frustratingly innocent and frustratingly poor result. The daughters get 1000 pounds each. I imagine that's not in any way minor, but apparently they really needed that extra security more.

Well, I guess a common thing about Austen is we’re rarely reading about the working class or the servants.

Henry Dashwood gets possession of the estate in the meantime until it can be passed on, and was hoping to use it to generate revenue in the meantime for his daughters... but dies a year later before he can do much. Whoop. First son John Dashwood is implored to use the estate to look after his step-family.

"He was not an ill-disposed young man, unless to be rather cold-hearted and rather selfish is to be ill-disposed"

OUCH. That’s an Austen expression. Well we know how this is all going to go then. Oh no, his wife is also a poor influence and generally worse. She moves herself into the estate without warning, which she can technically do, but is just really awkward. And she's being an entitled ass about it too, it seems.

"Mrs. John Dashwood had never been a favourite with any of her husband's family; but she had had no opportunity, till the present, of showing them with how little attention to the comfort of other people she could act when occasion required it."

Translation: Noone liked her, and now she was showing everyone why they should like her even less, by being an inconsiderate ass.

I enjoy these backhanded sentences, though they often take a few moments for me to parse. Mama Dashwood was almost like fuck this ahole I'm out, but the eldest daughter convinces her to stay to avoid a falling-out with the eldest son.

And now introductions to, presumably, the protagonists:

Elinor Dashwood, eldest daughter, 19. Smartest, kindhearted, sensible. Capable under pressure.

Marianne Dashwood, middle daughter. No age specified. Emotionally passionate and unbridled. Clever, generous, "interesting", but probably lacking in impulse control. A like pair to her mother.

Margaret Dashwood, "the other sister". Youngest, 13. Has been taking after Marianne, but without any basic maturity of age yet. Doesn't play on the same field as her older sisters.

By my understanding, sounds like the basic gist of the story is that Elinor and Marianne will have to navigate marital prospects to secure a future for the family while under antagonism from the in-laws. I guess Margaret is just kinda there? I wasn’t aware that there would be a third sister.

I rather think they'll make very different protagonists to Anne Elliot, though, I expect they'll be no less scathing. Jane Austen does love to be savage.

[carlyfrombleachers]

Gone Now’s Brilliance (part 1 of ???)

Hi, it's me, carlyfrombleachers, back again with another one of my weekly writeups on CRJ and Jack Antonoff. Today I am talking about Jack Antonoff because I talked about Carly last week. I’ll always be alternating between talking about Carly and Jack for these saturday writeups, so if you come here for Carly Rae Jepsen content, I’ll see you next week, I guess.

First of all, Gone Now AOTD.

I mean it!

Very few albums have such a cohesive and clear theme, and Gone Now’s themes of grief, change and evolution are such powerful themes, beautifully tied together by Antonoff’s production and lyricism. Gone Now is a masterpiece.

So, for part 1 of my little series about Gone Now, I’ll be talking about the first three tracks.

Dream of Mickey Mantle + Goodmorning + Hate That You Know Me

“You know when you wake up, and… before you’re actually awake, when there’s like, that split-second where you’re not, like, bombarded by the weight of everything? You know what I mean? It’s like, right as you wake up, you-- it’s like everything is beautiful, and then poof: you know, and you remember, you remember specific things like ‘this is due’, ‘this person is mad at me’, all these things, but you also remember like those deep, guttural, weighty things, and there’s that moment right before, and, uh, this song is written from that perspective, so… uh, it was written as the first song of the album, but then I wanted to have one that was sort of from a dream first, so, this song is called ‘Goodmorning’.”

 I mean, yeah, that’s pretty accurate.

Jack has mentioned in many places how the opening track, Dream Of Mickey Mantle, is meant to represent dreaming and slowly waking up, transitioning into Goodmorning, and the closing track, Foreign Girls, represents going to bed and dreaming once again.

The first three tracks of an album are very important, as they serve to give you a sample of what’s to come. Lorde’s Melodrama features single Green Light, Sober, and Homemade Dynamite, Carly Rae Jepsen’s Emotion features singles Run Away With Me and I Really Like You, along with title track Emotion, Dua Lipa’s Future Nostalgia features single Don’t Start Now, title track Future Nostalgia and Physical.

Gone Now’s first three Dream Of Mickey Mantle, Goodmorning and Hate That You Know Me do a great job at showing you how the themes of this album work together, and what they are. Dream Of Mickey Mantle is about grief, Goodmorning is about moving on, and Hate That You Know Me is about wishing to change.

Let’s talk about Dream Of Mickey Mantle first, then

“I miss those days, so I sing a ‘Don’t Take The Money’ song”

Heh. This is quite funny because I Miss Those Days and Don’t Take The Money are songs in Gone Now.

Dream Of Mickey Mantle is a great opening track, knocking everything out and showing you Bleachers is fucking crazy. The production on this track is absurd, and the lyrics don’t disappoint, either.

The goal of the first track is to show you what you’re getting into, to pave the road. Dua Lipa’s Future Nostalgia is a great example of this, in my opinion. “You want a timeless song, I wanna change the game”? Sign me up! Dream Of Mickey Mantle starts with “All the hope I had when I was young, I hope I wasn’t wrong”, representing Gone Now (and Bleachers)’s ambition.

“Rolling thunder cursed my bedroom / I heard from your mother, she don’t recognize you / Mickey Mantle left on a Sunday / And all of the neighborhood rushes home to pray”

I did not know this because I’m not American, but Mickey Mantle was a baseball player who passed on a Sunday, and according to Jack, that was his first contact with death. It makes sense to have your first contact with death inspire the first song of an album about, well, death.

So, that’s Dream Of Mickey Mantle. A pretty simple opening track that conveys a lot of emotion and sets you up for the next track.

The Next Track: Goodmorning

This is my favorite track, I’m biased, whatever.

Goodmorning is about waking up and feeling the weight of the world on your back, as you prepare to take on the day. The production is strong as usual, with echoes of Strange Desire’s opening track, Wild Heart, playing on the background. That’s where all the “dream far away” shouts come from, and I think that’s neat.

“Good morning to the cops / Good morning to my upstairs neighbor / And to the kids at 42 / Anyone who lent me a favor / I wish that I could stop / Now I wish that I could live a little safer / I’m watching all of the nights go blue / Somebody lend me a favor soon”

He wishes good morning in Goodmorning, your fave could never.

In all seriousness, though, the chorus is just so beautiful. You can feel the desperation in his voice. He carries the weight of his life on his back, and feels crushed by it, he feels unsafe, he needs help, but all he can do is tell everyone good morning. Damn. This is some #deep shit.

Goodmorning continues the storyline present in Dream Of Mickey Mantle, with a lot of Jack’s personal experiences and memories sprinkled in. 

And then, we get to Hate That You Know Me, where the third element of Gone Now is introduced: change.

Some Days I Wish This Track Was Better: No Luck!

I have a love-hate relationship with this song. I love the lyrics a lot, but I feel like the performance is a bit… weak? The chorus seems out of place? I don’t know, this track is odd.

“I keep talking to strangers / Acting like I’m a stranger / I look like I’ve been up all night / And you know what? I hate it”

Beautiful.

“I put my things into boxes / Carry all of my old lies / Rubber banded my past tight / And you know what? I hate it”

Hate That You Know Me is just… so great. The message of wanting to change but being unable to because of everyone who knows you is simply beautiful.

“Sometimes I hate that you know me so well / Sometimes I hate that you know me so well / Some days I wish that I wasn’t myself / No luck! / And I hate that you know me so well”

This is perfect, I love this track actually.

Fun fact I want to mention but cannot do it naturally so I am just killing any and all progression to say this: Carly Rae Jepsen does backing vocals on this track. That’s all.

“Washed the fear from my hands off / Caught mistakes on the sidewalk / I look like I’ve been up all night / And you know what? I hate it”

See? I love the lyrics. The lyrics are great. If you haven’t listened to Hate That You Know Me, you’re probably thinking “wow! these lyrics are amazing!” and yeah! It’s true! But if you listen to it you will be sad.

“So I keep talking ‘bout eighteen / ‘Cause I can’t let go of the same dream / Rubber banded my past tight / And you know what? I hate it!”

This is what the rest of the song should’ve sounded like. The way Jack screams “I HATE IT!” is everything to me. The chorus is just disappointing.

But enough of me gushing, Hate That You Know Me does a great job at establishing the last theme of the album: change.

Many elements of these tracks are reused in later tracks, I’m Ready To Move On/Mickey Mantle Reprise reuses lyrics from Dream Of Mickey Mantle, Goodbye and Goodmorning are very similar and somewhat mimic each other, the stranger comparison is brought back in Foreign Girls, making all these tracks connected.

The attack of Terrible Thrills, Vol. 3

I do wish to go into more detail on Terrible Thrills Vol. 3 some other Saturday, but what you need to know right now is that two of these songs are reimagined in that album: Mickey Mantle Comes Alive and Goodmorning After A Breakup/Vietnam Documentary are reimaginations of… I’m not saying. You can figure out which songs they’re reimagining. I trust you. So… yeah. That’s it from me, I’ll see you next week with a Carly Rae Jepsen post or in December with a Bleachers post, hopefully talking about B3! Bye!

[cozcat]

What was so disappointing about the HDM movie? I've never seen it, I've just seen people talk about how it was universally hated, was it that bad?

So this is not an exhaustive list... I’m sure many people can add onto it and I’ll probably stand by what they say because this movie was disappointing in so many ways. And bear in mind that this is from the perspective of someone who read the books first - I fucking hate this movie, but I know people who saw the movie before reading the books, and while they know it wasn’t a great adaptation, it was what introduced them to the series, so there is that attachment. I just have hatred.

(Also bear in mind - I know that it got screwed in the edit, and so my blame is not directed at Chris Weitz or anyone else involved in the original cut. But it is about the final product. Because that’s what we got. No amount of promises of what could have been make the end product better.)

But anyway. This got long. Spoilers for the full series.

It removes the ending. I think this was the biggest one - we’ve yet to see the final episode of the TV show, but in terms of the main plot of the first book, we’ve already passed where the movie ended. It cuts off what is a massive plot twist - the shock, the betrayal, the catalyst for Lyra’s journey going forward. (And it was cut off so late in the process that clips made it into the trailers, and photos made it into the merchandise - I found a visual companion at an op shop recently that includes Asriel’s intercision machine and a photo of Lyra in Cittagazze.) It gives the movie a generic happy ending. They did intend on including it at the start of the sequel that never happened - but their intentions don’t matter when you’re twelve years old and sat there wondering where the fuck the ending is.

It strips away so much of the meaning from the series. The anti-religious sentiments are fairly subtle in the first book, but they’re incredibly important to the series. They were trying to appeal to a conservative Christian audience threatening the movie with boycotts - and it didn’t work, so instead, fans of the series knew what was missing and weren’t happy, but the audiences trying to stop the anti-religious message weren’t happy either. The message becomes so much more important in the books going forward that I don’t know how they planned on making the sequels when they quite literally wage war against God.

It wasted so much potential. Well-respected cast, incredible (for the time) special effects, amazing source material, looked good in the trailers. And then we got that. The cast were underutilised, the source material was stripped of all meaning, the edits were down to singular lines being redubbed in post-production, just to sanitise it.

The original product could have been so much better. Chris Weitz tweeted the original draft of the script and you can tell immediately how much better and how much closer to the source material it was. And it’s depressing to see how much love and care were going into this movie, when it’s barely discernible in the end product, and it’s those who loved it and cared about it who bore the brunt of the blame. Chris Weitz, the cast, the crew - they weren’t out to make a generic spiritual successor to Harry Potter that gets a middling reception and no sequel, but that’s what we got in the end.

And for me, personally, my own complaints. Where I won’t name actors while I slag them off, but you know exactly who I’m talking about.

The cast weren’t actually all that good. My favourite character in this series is Marisa Coulter - and seeing her reduced to a generic one-note villain performed by somebody who had to be begged to take the role was just not good. (Seeing this article recently was fairly vindicating, gotta say.) I can barely even pass judgement on their casting of Asriel, as he’s in it for about two minutes, and we never see him in the actual big defining moment for his character in the first book. Recasting the voice of Iorek was a mistake and in the end he just sounded wrong. Lee Scoresby - one of the most widely praised castings - was passable, but I’ve honestly just grown jaded with the amount of people slagging off their casting choice in the show because of their comparisons to a man who was in the movie for ten minutes (and who didn’t fit the book description anyway so why does this need to keep coming up as an argument in his favour). Dakota as Lyra was probably their strongest casting, which is a good thing as she’s the one carrying this whole damn thing, but it’s not nearly enough to make up for everything else.

The aesthetic felt empty. I don’t think I’m alone in having had the Victorian-steampunk aesthetic sit in my brain whether I like it or not, but on rewatching the movie, it felt so empty. It looked cool, but there’s no reason for their world to be like that - I’ve been trying to avoid comparisons to the show in this writeup, but this is one where it feels apt, as the our-world-but-slightly-back-and-to-the-left aesthetic feels much more fitting than something so dated. It’s another world, that is happening at the same time, not our world but in the past. And yes, it’s a world that has had its technological and industrial developments stifled, but things still have had that time to develop - it’s not going to look like our world prior to the industrial revolution but with glowy things.

It felt dumbed down. Let’s rearrange the plot so that we have the big showy climax at Bolvangar later on, even though it makes so little sense! Let’s not kill Billy, because that would be sad, and pretend that his lost daemon is like a lost pet and that’s all the emotional depth there is to it! Let’s rename one of the bears, because nobody will remember the difference between Iorek and Iofur, and that’s the standard we’re setting for our audience!

And sure. They did some things well. Dakota was a great casting, the daemons were everywhere... okay I’m out of things that I liked. But this was a massive source of disappointment to me at twelve years old, and it was a massive disappointment to so many people who were hoping for a beautiful adaptation of a beloved book and who got a generic fantasy movie instead. I think the biggest thing in the favour of its failure is that because they couldn’t make any sequels, the rights lapsed - and we’re getting the TV show, which is giving it so much more justice, so much more depth, so much more room to breathe.

[popopretty]

BSD Chapter 70

Chapter Name is “Prison Break - the second half”.

Now that I hope everyone has calmed down about Dazai’s new unlocked skill set, this is my monthly wordy chapter writeup. I really enjoyed this month’s chapter and I hope you will too.

Please keep in mind that neither English nor Japanese is my native language so I might, and I do make mistakes here and there. Please let me know if you have any doubts or questions regarding the writeup ^^

SPOILERS AHEAD (AND IT IS SUPER LONG!)

- Ango’s troop saw the shadow of Atsushi’s group entering the one of the open safe and closing the door. They approached the closed safe and broke themselves in. However, Atsushi group is nowhere to be found. Ango used his ability but couldn’t sense any traces of someone using abilities.

- Meanwhile, Atsushi group was able to escape outside. The trick was simple. They let Ango see someone enter the safe and close the door but it was just Yasha Shirayuki. The three of them actually hid in the safe next to it, the one that is wide open. And then Kyouka just cancelled off Yashashirayuki and they managed to escape while everyone was focusing on the empty safe. It was a simple psychological trick. Atsushi praised Oguri to come up with such great idea and Oguri remembered how Yozomizu taught him about that in the past. He wonder if Yozomizu has always been there, with his locked room mystery.

- The group planned to get into the sewerage underground pathway to find a car and run away later. But was caught up by Ango who shot Atsushi and Kyouka with anethestic. Atsushi begged Ango to believe in him, that the ADA is not guilty and that if it’s Ango he would understand. Ango said that the only thing that only him could understand is thing that he could see by his ability. He showed Atsushi the money they have used to escape in the previous chapter, and revealed that his ability is “to see the remaining memories left in objects”. Through that he was able to see their escape route. Kyouka then remembers that Ranpo once mentioned that there is a “memory reader” inside the government and figured out that must be Ango. Ango pointed the gun at Atsushi saying that for a member of government’s secret association like him, to “believe in” the enemies is a joke he can’t even laugh at.

- To Atsushi’s surprise, Ango didnt shoot him but instead push them into the underground pathway. He told the other soldiers that the group has run away using an unidentified ability. He then looked down and smiled to Atsushi saying that by doing so Fyodor will think they are really going against each other.

- Later, Ango took everyone from the scene by his car. Atsushi asked if he actually believed what Atsu said, to which Ango answered that he had known it from the start. He revealed that he was the one who sent Dazai’s message to the screen to save Fitz earlier. He has been the “middleman” for Dazai from the start. In order to prevent prisoners from escaping from Mersault, they have implanted a sensor into the prisoners’ bodies to record their heart rates and stuff. Taking advantages of that, Dazai has manipulated his heart rate to have it recorded as numbers that Ango can access by government authorities and decode them. About controlling one’s heart rate, Ango said it is something only Dazai can pull off.

- Oguri didn’t believe Ango and doubted the reasons why Ango had to do all of those tricks. Ango said it is because he does not know if there is Fyodor’s spy somewhere. He also explained that he does not belong to No.7 Association, and that was a lie made up by Fyodor to prevent Oguri and Ango to meet up and talk.

- Ango took everyone to Lucy’s room because it is safe to talk there. Atsushi asked why Montgomery knew Ango. Then Ango said she came to the Police office and made a fuss there with a pile of hand-written documents claiming that Atsushi was not guilty. Lucy was super embarrassed while Atsushi thinks it is really earnest of her.

- Oguri asked Ango if Ango was the head of No.7 Association, that captured Oguri and made him erase criminal conducts for them. Ango denied that. Oguri then asked if Ango ever used the power of that association, to which he said yes. He did use it just once, 4 years ago, when he erased all of Dazai’s past sins so that Dazai could continue to live out of the mafia. Oguri then asked the reason why he decided to dirty his hands like that, to which Ango said it is to atone for his sins to a friend who is no longer in this world.

- Ango then confirmed Oguri’s word that No.7 Association is criminal. Almost nothing is known about them, from scale to members, to its chain of order. There are rumors that they are the people from inside the police and cabinet but noone knows the actual truth. One thing for sure, if those people want to they can easily threaten the government. Ango spoke of his fear that Fyodor and this association will join forces, and that there might be Fyodor spy inside the government itself. That’s why Ango cannot trust anyone and he asks Oguri to share with him the info that he has. (Oguri was reluctant at this part but as he saw Kyouka asking him for it too, he was scared off and decided to tell everything xDD)

- Oguri then talked about the structure of Tenningosui. There are 5 members. Apart from Fyodor and Gogol, there are 2 other powerful ability users and another “organizer” who brings them all together, which means there is one more person above Fyodor.

- Oguri does not know the final goal of Tenningosui, but he did get to hear the step just before that, which is “Erase the nation”, not “overturn”. And they will achieve it through “the page”. There is only one page, which they have used to set up the ADA. But there is still the other side of the page. Once one side of the page is already written, it will take effect right away. That means they can use its power one more time, by writing on the remaining side of that page.

- Atsushi asked why they havent written it right away. Oguri explained that there is a rule of consistency and cause-effect that they have to follow. The detailed plan will be too much within the limit of one page so they only write down the most important event and have to actually carry out all the other smaller steps by themselves. In details, their plan has 4 steps. 1st step is “Canibalism”, so that they can give ADA the award and get close to the government. The next step is to write on the front side of the page to set up the ADA. 3rd step is the present, where they will perform terrorist attacks. And the last step will be to write on the other side of the page to erase the nation. The time when the page will be written will be on the next full moon, 10 days from present time.

- Ango and Oguri then left. Ango mentioned that he is gonna give the information to Dazai (through whatever means Idk).Lucy tried to comfort Atsushi and Kyouka but turned out they are super happy after hearing the information. Because they know that there will be one more side of the page to write on, and the enemy will not be writing it in the next 10 days. So as long as they can find Tenningosui, destroy them and get the page, they can write on the page and overturn the situation.

- Chapter ends with Atsushi looking very hopeful about saving the ADA. I guess the situation is still very tough but at least now they knew a way to get out of it, no matter how hard it might be.

That is the end of this month’s chapter. My brain is still trying to process the amount of information. And thank you for reading until this part. It has been one hell of a long post, but really there is so much information that I cannot leave out ;; See you next month (probably).