pleasantspark · 1 year ago
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"what a way to be abelist" girly,,,, honey,,, I'm literally autistic it's not ableist to point out childish behavior especially when you make a serious rant post regarding SEVERAL sensitive topics and then you pull out a Spinel quote not even a paragraph later. It's not ableist it's just pointing out immaturity. anyway hope you get better
Oh you're talking about a vent post, honestly, don't comment on a vent post I made. ESPECIALLY when I got past that, that was ages ago. I don't know why you decided to post about my venting but it was highly disrespectful and I could do without this, it wasnt a rant it was a vent, honestly you specifically didn't clarify which post it was, also don't call me "girly" or "honey" its disgusting and making me uncomfortable.
As for "getting better" I already have, its best to NOT talk about things that people vent about ESPECIALLY when someone like me does not get a response, its best to assume, that they DO NOT want a response, that quote holds more meaning to me, because I feel with Spinel.
She's one of my comfort characters.
The things with me is this, no matter what I do to improve someone in my REAL life breaks me down and makes me worse, it's not because I refuse to change, its the outside influence thats shaping me.
So when I say, "That's easy for you to say, when you change for the better, I change for the worse." it's suppose to mean I only change for the worse each chance I get.
Please don't roll up on my blog and poke at the Serious Vent Post especially if you're "new" here, it's extremely disrespectful to me, and is overstepping my boundaries.
Next time, just be specific. Apologies though to being a bit agressive I am on edge from people being extremely rude to me, for doing fuck all.
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astaroth1357 · 4 years ago
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MC's Family Finds Out that They're Actually Dating a Demon the Hard Way
Demon boys more or less going demon on the MC's family. Bound to happen really. This one ain’t so cuddly guys. Special thanks to @anonimo324 for the inspiration for this one. Literally never would have occurred to me if they hadn't have said something and I love the excuse to revisit this idea. 😄 
Check out the Masterlist for more!
IMPORTANT: Continuation to "Demon Brothers Meeting the MC's Family" The general setup to this post is in that one.
Lucifer
You know what they say about things that seem too good to be true, right?
Oh, their MC's new boyfriend was smooth, put together, intelligent…
And prideful. So very prideful.
It radiated off of him like no tomorrow, there was just a subtle but constant air of superiority to everything the man did or said. Some may find it attractive but others? It can drive other people right up the wall.
And that's exactly what it did to some members of the MC's family. Even if he seemed educated and well-spoken what made him think he was so special? What made him think he was just so much better than the rest of the world??
They couldn't have known just how angry he'd get when they confronted him about it.
They couldn't have known that they weren’t questioning an arrogant man, but a prideful demon who'd take offense at the mere thought of being anywhere near their level.
It was only when he stood towering before them, demonic wings and horns in full view, did they learn the folly of their actions.
In their hospital beds, bones broken and bodies bruised, they'd rant and rave to anyone who'd listen "He's a demon! A demon! My child/sibling/etc. is dating a demon!!"
The MC disappeared with Lucifer that night, however. Their family writes them off as either dead or kidnapped for torture purposes.
In truth, they returned to the Devildom and Lucifer will never hear the end of how he lost control and attempted to skewer the MC's family members. Surely such a mighty demon should have better control than that... 🙄😑
Mammon
His dumbass let it slip a couple months in, but not without good reason for once.
He had actually been doing pretty well with their family. Sure he wasn't perfect,  but he made it clear enough he was looking out for MC and honestly the rest of them as well.
It was small things. Checking up on them sometimes. Making sure the little ones, if any, were safe. Not stealing anything that isn't nailed down (though that's something the MC notices more than their family of course).
It takes a lot. A lot. A LOT to make Mammon break out his demon form. He's better at keeping it in than Lucifer. But showing him something that’s threatening MC is actually a pretty quick why to do it.
The family was out together on a shopping trip, a giddy Mammon included because he knew that meant he could beg ask the MC to buy him stuff.
They really should have checked before they started strolling down the damn crosswalk, but they didn't, and an impatient taxi went hurtling towards them.
Before they could even open their eyes Mammon was already lecturing them about their stupidity, holding them on the other side of the street. Shirtless because his demon form was out and the dumbass forgot to hide it again. Even though they were in public.
He was quick to change back once he noticed, but the damage was done. You can say their family was a little surprised that he straight up grew wings and horns. Only one of them fainted anyway.
To avoid causing further panic, Mammon just legs it away with MC still in his arms, shouting back an quick expletive laced "apology" over his shoulder.
MC smooths things over with their family later by phone. No one can quite wrap their head around the fact that Mammon is a demon, despite what they had seen, but it helps that he did seem to want to protect them.
The MC is not allowed to come home if they want to bring their demon boyfriend too, but their family isn't as worried about them as they could be. Mammon's looking out for them after all.
Leviathan 
Okay. They always knew the boy was a little weird but hot damn did that opinion suddenly go from 0 to 60 real quick.
Levi was distant and off-putting at first but in time it became pretty clear that he was just pretty awkward. He wasn't the best with people, but he seemed harmless enough.
It was the MC's idea to bring him along on a family weekend trip to the beach. They honestly couldn't understand why at first. He never seemed to like being with them...
It DID start to click for them a little more when they saw the guy in the water though. They can say it's probably the first time they'd ever seen him so comfortable in his own skin. He even started smiling!
Things were actually going smoothly for them all for once… until other people started taking notice of MC in their swimsuit and one bold gentleman decided to make a cheeky comment on it.
Now, Levi had always stuck close to MC when he was around them. He was practically a second shadow. But it seemed like the second he took notice of those glances he got extra clingy and after that comment.. he started to have a meltdown.
The once bold gentleman was kindly picked up by the neck and hurdled into the ocean like a Frisbee. It would have been hilarious if it weren't so horrifying.
It was about the time that the lad grew a snake tail that the MC's family peaced out off the beach, screaming in terror. MC and Levi left too, mostly because Levi was hellbent on dragging them back to the Devildom in a jealous rage. Obviously THIS is the kind of shit that happens when he leaves his room!
No plans are ever made to go visit again, which he's very happy about. He hated being out in "the real world" anyway.
Satan
Nice as he could be, that temper was bound to catch up to him eventually…
There would be small incidents. A kid cuts him off on the sidewalk and he'd get a little loud and snippy about it. A dog won't stop barking at him and he'd just glare and send it away with a terrified whimper. These things were… worrisome. But not all that demonic.
Then other red flags started showing up. A person on the street would be rude to him and he'd look honestly ready to kill. It'd take MC physically holding him back to keep him in place. Their family was worried about them… Had they'd fallen victim to a possible abuser...?
MC had never listened to what their family had to say, always claiming that they were perfectly safe with their boyfriend. That he had to listen to what they said. But no one really bought that…
Well if there is one way to piss Satan off (and there are many) probably the fastest and most lethal is to doubt his intelligence. Especially if you're only one of those everyday, average humans...
That poor employee at the bookstore had no idea what kind of mistake they made when he told Satan he wasn't looking for Camus but Kafka then refused to double check. Satan doesn't make mistakes about his authors. Ever.
What was originally just supposed to be a relaxing afternoon with the family turned into a night in the station as everyone was questioned about the employee whose head got flattened against the store counter-top. The police weren't entirely convinced a demon did it, but they would look for a blonde.
Said demon had chucked MC over his shoulder and took off before the police arrived to investigate, which as far as they're concerned also kind of amounts to kidnapping.
Satan's now a fugitive in the MC's hometown and on the FBI's Most Wanted List so safe to say that they won't really be visiting anymore.
Asmodeus 
Not as surprised as you might think. There were some signs…
Asmo had a bewitching quality to him that went well into the unnatural. He could soothe and win over right about any person or animal to an… uncomfortable degree.
He also kept bringing up and babbling about nonsense products all the time. He always seemed to have the perfect hair treatment or know the best drinks but no one else had ever heard of any of it. What the heck even is Demonus…?
But the real kicker was, well, just how lustful he was. There were horn dogs and then there was this guy. It felt like he could flirt with a potted plant sometimes.
Though he was nice, no one in their house thought Asmo was faithful to MC. And even if he were, his blatant willingness to tease right about anyone he came across was showing them disrespect. 
Unfortunately, they had made the poor decision to confront him about it and claim that he didn't actually "love" MC….
There are few things more brutal and less forgiving than an enraged Asmo. Here he was with these humans, people he had been nothing but nice to, and they were doubting his love for MC?? What gave them the right!?
He had his demon form out and his whip already raised to teach these slanderers a lesson! Even if he had grown to like some of them, his anger took over his reason and he had to vent his displeasure NOW.
The MC stepped in before he could crack the whip and made him stop. Their family was terrified but he charmed them into calming down while he and MC talked things out.
They (by which I mean mostly a fuming Asmo) decided that since their family couldn't understand their love for each other, they didn't deserve to see it.
They leave the house calmly and don't come back. MC still sometimes calls their family, but they refuse to leave the Devildom or their beautiful fallen angel, no matter how much their family pleads for them to come home.
Beelzebub 
On the one hand, absolutely no one wants to believe it… But it also does make a lot of things make more sense in hindsight.
Like, he was built like a linebacker so it was sort of understandable just how many calories his body seemed to need but there was a limit.
He. Just. Kept. Eating. Never-endingly hungry. Always poking through the kitchen or ordering a mountain of pizzas. More impressively, he never made any leftovers… Ever.
He was such a sweetheart though… They tried to turn a blind eye for a while. Make excuses and rationalize the impossible… but it couldn't last.
It was only supposed to be one nice dinner out. MC had gone over the rules with him ten times before going, "This is a human restaurant and I'm paying, so you HAVE to stop at thirds. Okay? Okay??"
He tried. But the food was sooo good, he just couldn’t stop! And, like clockwork, here comes the manager to cut him off and there goes an angry Beel. Full demon form, tossing tables and wrecking chairs to everyone's absolute horror.
MC had to use the pact to stop him. They could only leave their family with a quick goodbye before they had to book it from the cops on Beel's back as he flew away.
To say there was a mini-meltdown among the members left behind would be an understatement. What the HELL just happened to the sweet young man they had come to know???
The damages were paid for by Lucifer a "mysterious donor" and everything was explained to their family by MC over video call from the Devildom with a very guilty and apologetic Beel in attendance.
When it was clear that the MC wasn't going to leave him or literal Hell despite their protests, they either had to accept it or never hear from them again. Members made their choices, but it's pretty hard to stay mad at someone they've grown to like so much...
He's no longer allowed to go visit them in the human world (which is probably for the best) but shows up on MC's video calls regularly. They still kind of think of him as family even if he could eat them all. He's just such a nice lad, you know?
Belphegor
…. You know, there was always something kind of off about that kid.
It was always hard to place what made Belphie so… different. It could have been the way he never seemed to take any of them seriously or the kind of amazing lack of energy he brought to things.
It also could have been the fact he kept making comments about being a demon, going to "hell," knowing Satan personally, etc. but always played them off as jokes.
Honestly when it finally came out that yes, he was actually a demon, it was almost a relief because it made waaaay more sense than not.
Still fucking terrifying, though.
One of their family members had made the mistake of waking him up from a nap when he and MC were there for a visit
Now. It's not easy to wake Belphie even on a good day but an airhorn to the face is probably not the way to go about it.
When he sent said family member soaring out the window, one-handed, with his horns and tail on full display and a familiar look of murder in his eyes, MC knew the charade was pretty much up...
True to his word, Belphie doesn't let some humans keep MC away from him. He scooped them up and hopped out the broken window before they could really even protest or explain anything.
Which, I mean, how does one even go about smoothing over the fact your demon boyfriend just yeeted one of your family members out of the house?
Their family is kind of able to put two and two together themselves regardless. Which is good because neither Belphie or MC are probably coming back any time soon. If ever. Hope they enjoy postcards...
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rantingcrocodile · 3 years ago
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there’s something intriguing about radblr showcasing misogyny at bi women speaking out their discomfort the moment we decided that we deserve respect. does this disturb your peace? is it making you uncomfortable that we are angry? miss croc (beloved) here is laying out the rules most biphobes follow, it bothers you enough to make witty comments? surely if bi women demand respect and your immediate response is refuting with 3 billion resources, then you truly don’t respect them even as feminists?
I think that there are great individual women in this space and great individual posts that circulate this space. I think that the pdfs shared are incredibly useful, as are quotes, as are general discussions that are entirely about feminism.
I was incredibly naive when I came to this space simply to vent. I genuinely thought that most here (aside from the newest of newcomers) understood the theory, updated it in their own heads and genuinely cared about other women. That the vent posts were just venting.
This space and other feminist spaces are broken beyond repair, to be quite frank. Libfem spaces prioritise men and shy away from critiquing the broadness of patriarchy to cling to individual choice and free will, whilst radfem spaces hate individual choice and free will whilst encouraging tiering and hatred of other women, ironically still obsessing over men.
I've talked this through a lot with different friends to get their perspectives, and there was one who said something incredibly poignant that I'll paraphrase.
If you have a religion, and you can interpret that religion in a good way, but there's a majority of others who interpret it in a hateful way, then saying, "but this religion can be interpreted in a good way" doesn't really cut it. There is something about that religion that is pulling in a certain kind of person that sees the hateful and can't see the good. You, seeing the good and disavowing the hateful, are the outlier. You're the one that doesn't belong.
When the norm in radical feminist spaces is to sneer at other women suffering under the patriarchy as "handmaidens," to dogpile minors with weird pronouns who are too young to really understand sexuality, to hate bisexuals, to deny that WOC have specific issues because that isn't the same as in the Anglosphere but jump to use WOC's issues as an excuse to hate MOC, to tier feminist women, to moralise sexuality, to claim to care about TIFs and then laugh at and abuse them constantly, to ignore ableism and classism, to ignore all kinds of bigotry depending on when it suits, to be hypocritical and hateful and misogynistic all the time, and when there is no pushback against that, where the hatefulness is what's popular and everyone just ignores it all and allows it to continue aside from a small number of women who are horrified by it, then what's radical feminism? The majority of hateful women, or the few that aren't?
What's most heartbreaking of all, at least to me, is just how much theory, in its purest sense, is entirely correct. The interpretations of statistics, the general thought processes, the out-of-date thinking that can be easily updated with more modern understandings, and literally none of my political stances have changed.
At the end of it, I just keep circling back to: do I want to be associated with that hateful group of people? Or would I rather simply be an actual feminist and leave the hateful to their own hateful devices while continuing to try and do my own good supporting women and helping build bisexual class consciousness with other, likeminded people?
What broke me, finally, was seeing Kathleen Stock come out with the same biphobia that plenty of radblr believes. It's not just a radblr problem. It's not just a few biphobic individuals in the real world. That's a radical/gender critical feminist problem. And if you're supposedly a "feminist" that understands class analysis and then still go out of your way to blame an oppressed group for the actions of an oppressor group, and other "feminists" happily agree with you like it's obviously true, then that's not a part of "feminism" that I want to be associated with.
So I know that I'm an actual feminist, I know my friends are actual feminists, but I've come to the conclusion that "radical feminism," whilst ironically being the current closest thing to fighting for women's liberation, is at the core, anti-woman and will never achieve women's liberation.
I wrote a post a fair few months ago that I think about a lot, where too many radfems genuinely believe that the anger and bitterness and violence of the suffragettes won the right for women to vote, holding them up as the standard, and pretending that that's all that happened. And where I once thought that was historical ignorance, it really is just a case of, "We want an excuse to be as hateful as possible and pretend that we're The Only Real Feminists, and only women who have This Label or behave in This Specific Way are worthy, and the rest are worthless handmaidens," while somehow simultaneously believing and proclaiming that they care about all women.
It's just a lie. I don't know what specific part of the ideology is so broken that it has so many hateful, bullying women flocking to call themselves "radfems," but I can only suppose that it has something to do with the idea that they can feel absolved of all their "crimes" and internalised misogyny to blame men and not have to do self-reflection, while refusing to offer the same for women who used to be in their positions, or in similar positions as they used to be, etc.
Feeling "superior" and having someone else to blame is a hell of a drug.
But that's just not me. So radblr can fuck itself, and every "feminist" who has seen misogyny and bigotry and harassment and dogpiling of minors and joined in, or who have simply looked the other way, then they should feel ashamed, honestly. We all have off days, but this is... I'd rather be an actual feminist with a handful of other loving, caring, intelligent women than have the cruel, thinnest-of-ice "solidarity" with radblr on the condition of silence.
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cuinawen · 3 years ago
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Being Obvious
A Clint Barton/Bella Swan one shot
3175 words
Bella has a crush, Natasha thinks it’s a little obvious but Clint needs a nudge in the right direction before he’ll make a move
Warnings: language, suggestive themes
~*~0~*~
The chime of the elevator sounded, echoing just slightly across the open space and Clint froze for a split second before something akin to panic hit. Not that he would ever admit that he panicked about anything… ever.
He’d been in the middle of setting up for his latest prank, which would be ruined if he was caught in the act, so without a thought he hopped up onto the counter and pulled himself up into a large air vent, carefully closing the grate behind him.
It took only a few seconds, so by the time he could hear a familiar laugh he was out of sight, no trace left that he’d been there.
It wasn’t the first time he’d used these vents as a means of traversing the tower (which was how he’d known this particular grate was unscrewed already), so shifting as quietly as he could, he settled in to wait and watch until the room was empty again, a small grin forming as he saw his two favourite women enter the room.
“I mean really,” Natasha bemoaned, a wry grin on her face as she referenced a recent incident with a former S.H.I.E.L.D agent, “Is it really so hard to find a guy that won’t damn near wet himself just because he accidentally saw me nude, all I was doing was having a quick shower. Honestly, he reacted worse than Steve did that one time.”
“Steve? You mean Cap? Nooo,” Bella gaped, her eyes shining with amusement.
“Yep, he got all red and did that ‘looking anywhere but you’ thing that he does. I wasn’t even completely bare,” Natasha smirked, “I told him that was the only time he’d ever get away with calling me ma’am.”
Clint watched silently from the vent as Bella descended into laughter, suddenly feeling like he maybe shouldn’t be listening in to this conversation. As much as he loved that Natasha had unusually taken a liking to the shy woman since she’d started with the team as their medic, and unofficial lab manager under Bruce, her attempts to draw Bella out of her shell sometimes made him a little unsettled.
He had a hard enough time keeping Bella from straying into his thoughts at the best of times.
She was tiny and cute, adorably awkward, made him laugh, and had the prettiest eyes he’d ever seen. She made his inner Neanderthal want to just drag her off to his room so he could keep her all to himself while he did things with her that you didn’t discuss in polite company.
Of course, he wasn’t about to actually tell her that. Rejection would be one thing, but there was no way he wanted to make things awkward for the team if she didn’t feel anything for him; and as good as he usually was at reading people, he just didn’t know when it came to her.
Bella snickered as she snapped a fresh pod into the coffee machine and hit the button waiting for it to start up.
“So, what about you?” Natasha asked suddenly, making her blink in surprise.
“Me? No, no one’s been seeing me naked.” Bella grinned, making Natasha snort inelegantly.
“I think that’s the problem,” She cackled, bumping Bella lightly with her elbow, “What about finding you a guy?”
The sudden rosy blush that spread from Bella’s cheeks right down her chest took Clint by surprise, and he was surprised neither of the women appeared to have heard him fidgeting uncomfortably in the metal vent as he wondered just how far down that blush actually went.
If he’d been paying closer attention he might have seen the tiny spark of awareness that flickered across Natasha’s face.
“So… there is a guy you want then,” She pressed, giving Bella her best faux intimidating stare.
Bella’s face felt like it was absolutely flaming as she looked at the older woman, trying to think of any way to get out of this line of questioning.
“It’s Clint isn’t it?” Natasha asked bluntly, already knowing the answer and grinning when Bella twitched, “Don’t even try to deny it, you know you want him as your own personal Cupid.”
The dry amused tone plus the bizarre imagery had Bella laughing in spite of herself.
“Okay, okay,” She finally admitted sheepishly, “Yeah… I mean, it’s just his smile, and the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs…and oh god, those arms.”
“Not to mention he’s got a really fine ass.” Natasha leaned forward with a grin her voice low and conspiratorial, and then chuckled when Bella’s eyes widened comically, “What? Just because I don’t see him that way, doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes.”
Clint honestly wasn’t sure whether to blush or preen like a peacock at their words as he vaguely heard Bella humming in agreement while Nat laughed delightedly.
Well, now I know. A slow grin spread across his face, though it quickly creased into a frown as the conversation below him continued.
“Doesn’t matter,” Bella was smiling, though to a trained ear the sadness was clear in her voice, “I’m not sure he even notices I exist half the time.”
“Oh pfft, he notices,” Natasha disputed with a smirk, “And if he doesn’t make a move then he’s an idiot.”
Their travel mugs now filled with steaming coffee, both women turned to leave the kitchen, but not before Natasha turned slightly and looked right at the cover disguising the vent where Clint was perched, raising her eyebrows.
Of course, she knew I was here the whole time, Clint thought with a flash of wry amusement, damn woman knows everything.
His prank completely forgotten for the time being, he slid from his hiding place and scratched his head thoughtfully, frowning slightly at the stray cobweb that clung to the strands of hair under his fingers.
He needed a shower, and then he needed to think about seducing a tiny medic.
~*~0~*~
Bella had been completely serious when she’d admitted to Nat that she had a bit of a thing for the dirty-blond archer. In fact, she’d had a crush on him since she’d first met him, and it had made patching him up post-mission just a little awkward for her the few times he’d needed her to.
He’d put her at ease just by being himself though, cracking jokes and making her smile as she tended to him and whoever else might need it.
Natasha had been the first member of the team to invite Bella for coffee, taking a liking to the shy medic who had nerves of steel when it came to her job. Not many people could stand their ground against Tony, or be around Bruce without giving him fearful looks.
Then gradually she’d spent more and more time with the rest of the team, eventually being able to call them all friends. Even Thor, who’d intimidated the hell out of her the first time she’d been there for one of his visits until she realised he was a big softy when it came to the people he cared about.
The only person who was able to make her nervous now was Clint, though she wasn’t planning on admitting that. It didn’t help that something had changed recently, he was acting differently around her.
She had even asked Natasha if she’d mentioned anything to Clint about their conversation in the kitchen a couple of weeks before, but the former spy had just smirked and sworn up and down that she hadn’t said a word.
He just kept going sending panty dropping smiles her way, leaving her with a tingly warm feeling that made her heart stutter and her thighs clench each time it happened. It was getting harder to act normally around him.
Glancing across the room, Bella’s eyes automatically found him, and she inhaled sharply watching him tilt a beer bottle to his lips, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. Oh god, he’s hot.
The team had come back that day from successfully clearing a Hydra base with no injuries, and while Jarvis was sifting through the mountains of files they had acquired Tony had decided they should have a small celebration.
Unusually for Tony, he’d kept it small and not too extravagant. It was mostly just the team and any of their partners, plus a few people from the tower that they were close to, so it was pretty casual, especially now it was getting quite late. Everyone was there just letting their hair down and relaxing for a while.
“Watch it; you’ve got a little drool.”
Bella jumped and turned to half-heartedly swat at the laughing redhead who easily dodged her.
“You’re getting a bit obvious girl,” Natasha grinned, “And for that matter, so is he.”
“Huh? No way, he just likes to flirt a little,” Bella protested, trying not to get her hopes up despite the warm feeling Natasha’s words were giving her.
“I swear, you’re an idiot, a loveable idiot,” She rolled her eyes fondly, deciding to give her friends a helping hand, “Do you see him looking at anyone else like he’s wishing he could strip them naked with his eyes? He wants you. Trust me, I know Clint.”
“But…” Bella faltered, her wide eyes showing her vulnerability. There’s no way.
Somehow understanding what she was thinking, Natasha sighed and patted Bella’s arm lightly before turning to walk away, tossing one last comment over her shoulder.
“Trust me… and just so you know, he’s not a one night kind of guy.”
Bella swallowed heavily then took a sip of the beer she was holding to combat her suddenly dry mouth.
Somehow Clint had picked that exact moment to catch her eye, giving her the exact ‘naked wishes’ look Nat had described, and though she knew there was no way he could have heard what Nat had been saying Bella couldn’t help the blush that spread across her cheeks.
Clint’s lips quirked into a half smile, his eyebrows rising slightly as he looked across the room at the short brunette who was blushing prettily. Not for the first time, he wondered where that blush would spread to and he couldn’t resist a wink and a slow smirk around the top of the bottle as he drank.
Bella was glad Nat had gone to flirt with Bruce, who was endearingly oblivious as usual. At least she wasn’t there to witness Bella faltering as she tried not to give any outward signs of the effect he was having on her.
~*~0~*~
She was dying. She really was going to spontaneously combust and die.
All because of the man currently sat with his arm around her, his thumb lightly tracing back and forth over a small strip of exposed skin near her hip where her shirt had ridden up slightly.
The party had wound down and the core team were grouped together on the sofas off to the side of the room, drinking and laughing. Bella had switched to soda after a couple of beers, knowing she was a lightweight but was still enjoying herself.
Somehow she’d ended up squashed next to Clint on the sofa, and she wasn’t sure which was worse; the heated looks across the room or the tingling warmth down her side where she was pressed against him.
Then he had shifted suddenly, moving his arm so that it rested behind her instead of in between them, making Bella’s eyes shoot to his face. To her surprise, she’d found him looking down at her with an easy grin, his arm curling around her.
Somehow he was reducing her to a gooey mess, doing something that could still be considered innocent, while being able to appear completely focused on the conversation around them. Damn secret super assassin training.
She was terrible at hiding her emotions. In fact, right now she was sure it was written all over her face that she wanted nothing more than to be utterly ruined in all the best ways by the man next to her.
Judging by the slightly smug grin on Natasha’s face it appeared that assumption was correct, and Bella wondered if the only reason Tony hadn’t said anything was because he currently appeared to be very distracted by a tipsy Pepper.
Finally reaching her breaking point and feeling in desperate need of either a cold shower or some serious alone time, Bella carefully got up and excused herself, quickly saying goodnight to the group and completely missing the significant look Nat gave Clint.
Clint smirked at the look Nat gave him as she mouthed the words go get your girl. Her meddling was as amusing as it was beneficial. Few people would ever guess just how soft-hearted she was deep down when it came to the people she cared about.
Giving her a subtle mock-salute, he got up and followed behind Bella ignoring the curious glances he got from a few of the others.
She was leaning against the wall waiting for the elevator when he caught up to her, and the look somewhere between startled and shy and hopeful that crossed her face absolutely melted him.
Before he could second guess himself, he was standing right in front of her. Their bodies close enough that each inhale of breath made her chest push up against his almost teasingly.
Bracing one hand against the wall next to her head, Clint lightly cupped her neck with the other, his thumb resting on her cheek. He could feel her heart thumping, racing under his fingertips and it made him grin slightly.
“Am I making you nervous, little swan?”
His voice was low and sultry, stirring up a wave of desire that crashed through her as he stroked his thumb across her cheek, his body pressing deliciously against hers.
The small needy sound that bubbled up from her throat would have embarrassed her, if Clint wasn’t now pressing her tighter to the wall, his hands running almost possessively down her sides and over her hips.
“Feels like we’ve been dancing around each other, but if you don’t want this, say the word now,” He murmured, his lips brushing her ear as he leaned down to speak.
A literal shiver ran from her head to her feet at the look he was giving her and Bella had to shake her head slightly to clear enough to give him the reply he was clearly waiting for.
“What word would that be?” She breathed meeting his gaze steadily, a slightly cheeky smile lighting up her face, “I don’t want to say it by accident.”
“Fuck woman,” Clint groaned, “What you do to me.”
The sudden kiss was gentle but no less intense for it, and Bella’s eyes nearly rolled in her head at the feel and taste of him.
A small squeak escaped her as one of his hands tangled in her hair and cupped the back of her head while the other landed far less innocuously on her ass.
“Too much?” Clint murmured against her lips.
“No… definitely no,” Bella replied, a faint blush lighting her cheeks even as she fisted her small hand in the front of his shirt in an effort to prevent him from moving away.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,” Clint grinned teasingly, backing away and sliding a hand down her arm to entangle his fingers with hers.
“Where we’re going, though, is away from this corridor. Unless you particularly want Tony to find us here, nosy bastard that he is.”
Bella giggled, squeezing his fingers lightly and reverting to his last name like they usually did when they were joking with each other.
“You trying to get me alone, Barton?”
“I’ve already managed to get you alone sweetheart, what I’m trying to do now is stop myself from just throwing you over my shoulder and taking you to my bed caveman style.”
Another one of those head to foot shivers. She was certain that Clint had noticed it this time too, judging by the amused glint in his eyes.
The slight strained tremor of his hand belied his teasing humour though, and Bella realised he hadn’t exactly been joking.
The small soft sound that left her throat was the last straw for Clint and the tension finally snapped when he turned and headed for the lift without another word, gently tugging Bella along with him.
Bella was quiet while he requested Jarvis to take them to his floor, his husky voice doing things to her insides.
Neither of them said anything else as the doors opened and he led her a little way down the corridor. Feeling sure her heart was pounding loudly enough for Clint to hear it, Bella watched him open his door, her heart actually stuttering then at the smile he gave her.
The room was neat unsurprisingly, with a large TV and a comfy looking couch with a thick blanket folded over the back of it. One wall held several bows, quivers full of arrows and a wide array of other weapons and just to the side of it there was a short workbench nearby, a bow and several tools resting on top of it.
On the other side of the room there was a small kitchenette area and in the wall between that and his work area them there were two doors leading to a bathroom and bedroom. The door to the latter was slightly open and a warm glow came from a lamp, illuminating the room softly.
Her gaze fell on his large neatly made bed and that light dusting of red spread across her cheeks again, prompting Clint to gently brush his knuckles down the flushed skin, enjoying the way her breathing hitched at his touch.
“Blushing again?” He grinned, “What exactly were you thinking to blush like that just from looking at my bed?”
“As if you don’t know Barton,” Bella snorted softly.
“You really need to go back to calling me Clint,” He murmured in reply, “Because it’s just gonna just sound really odd if you scream Barton once I’m between your thighs.”
“Oh,” Bella didn’t have time to gape at him for long.
It took little more than a second for him to pull her against his chest, his head ducking to kiss her thoroughly while she was dimly aware of moving backwards until her legs hit the edge of his bed.
“Don’t forget, just say the word little swan.” Clint broke the kiss and looked at her seriously.
“If you’re planning on being between my thighs shouldn’t you be calling me by my name?” She was aiming for teasing, but the words came out more breathless sounding than anything.
“Okay, Bella.”
The way he said her name should be illegal Bella thought, and she pushed up on her toes to kiss him again, moaning softly when his hand twisted in her hair, holding her against his lips.
Her last coherent thought was that she really was going to spontaneously combust.
~*~Fin~*~
Notes:
My first attempt at Marvel, so be gentle please lol
Big thanks to Harley (Harleen Frances Quinzel) this probably wouldn’t have been finished without you
I don’t have a beta so any mistakes are my own
I may add a second part to this, depending on interest and whether I can get my nerve up to actually write a lemon again lol
Have previously published this fic & others under the name Cuinawen on FFnet & AO3, as well as on Wordpress
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rpbetter · 3 years ago
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Today I learned a popular vent blog is repressing submissions about the drama with the now defunct resource blog. They probably have a relationship to the resource blog admin, or they are the admin. I know two people who sent submissions that were not published, but new submissions they made after were. The admin is silent after inquiries about it. They are ignoring everyone who tries to talk about it. It is so hard to find a place in the rpc that is transparent right now, a place that does not censor people who need to get things off their chest. Of all places that should keep their bias in check. It should not be a vent blog. That is one of the last places people go when they can not confide in their rp partners, or people in real life. Sometimes just having a vent post published can be everything. It is more silencing than people think.
Okay, I do know what you're talking about. I've said in the past that I specifically look around the RPC to gauge a rounder set of experiences, problems, etc. That blog is such a place that I have visited in the past to do so, and I have both noticed and been told what you're telling me now. I will admit, because I do believe in honesty here as a part of transparency one should strive to uphold off of their RP and personal blogs, that I have held exactly these suspicions since the blog choose to "handle" recent events the way they did. That is why I was paying attention to the disparity in both original submissions published and the responses to them.
What I have seen is a little uncomfortable feeling. It isn't just The Topic itself, it's also anything relating too closely to that mun's repeatedly expressed positions on things as well. Well, you know, a frightening number of people do feel the same way, do engage in those behaviors, so I am willing to believe that I am merely seeing shit where it doesn't exist. I am, after all, just a person, doing what people do, being fallible. I'm not acting on any information that anyone else out there isn't privy to, I also want t be clear about that. It's the opposite of my interest to withhold information, make it up, or inflame the situation.
Like everyone else in the RPC right now, it's incredibly difficult to not be suspicious. So many really ugly things were revealed and transpired, it was like every three hours there was something horrifying and new going on. And the way that it was left off, with the meme blog mun and with that vent blog just served to chafe those feelings for many.
So, again, while I am not trying to give this all a spritzer of gasoline, and neither am I acting on any knowledge none of you have, I've had suspicions since the time that vent blog decided that it was fully appropriate to refuse action for what went on that there was a bit of a personal connection going on. When your blog has established that it will mass-block people for far less, but suddenly, over this, it's a useless effort not going to help anyone? I'm sorry, that's suspicious to me. If nothing else, it was incredibly shitty to tell muns who were targetted because of interactions on their blog to just get over it and be adults when the adult thing is to approach the mods (hello, it does stand for moderator) with concerns, and this is a serious concern.
One that has done exactly as you say - effectively shut down venting and communication on that blog. I love that the direction is constantly to take things to the comments lmao gee, I wonder why no one is willing to openly comment anymore? Total mystery! Could it be that even you feel you can handle potential harassment, you don't want to endanger anyone else who might not be able to? Possibly.
Venting has a negative connotation here anyway, that doesn't help. Months before this all happened, I was seeing an increasing number of people equating such blogs to burnbooks, or at best, "childish echo chambers."
However, venting on one's own blog is not alright either. We're not supposed to have a visible problem with anyone or anything they're doing, ever. It's supposed to work out every time like this: you approach the person(s) causing you this problem and discuss it maturely with them in private, the issue is resolved, and everyone goes off into the sunset crapping rainbows. Double ones, even.
The problem is...it doesn't work out like that very often. That isn't to say it shouldn't be your first action, it should. Sometimes, especially if you've been both lucky and extremely careful about your writing partners, you'll be wonderfully surprised and it'll be a great conversation that helps both muns. So much of the time though, it instigates a fight because everyone is automatically defensive as hell, or one or both muns are so afraid of that happening that they'll refuse to have a meaningful confrontation (confrontation is not always negative, we need to stop viewing it that way). One or both say whatever is necessary to smooth over the problem, while they change nothing at all, making the feelings of anger so much worse.
And maybe, this problem isn't that big of a deal, one needs to work themselves up into addressing it, or they've cause to actually fear the other mun's response to them.
So, they have three options, and none of them is alright with the RPC:
vent to a friend - this is unacceptable because it is always seen as talking shit behind another mun's back, bringing drama to others, and trying to force people to take sides, no matter how much none of these may be the case and hold a lot of variables depending on the type of venting and the relationship of the muns involved
vent/vague on the dash - not always the same thing, not always occurring at the same time, and not always invalid either, but always viewed as incredibly malicious and wrong. Even if the result was either getting the friend who wouldn't stop refusing to engage to have a meaningful conversation with you or finding a new partner because someone else has been experiencing it too, you know you're not going to do this to each other, and a mutual you've been ignoring is now a valued partner
vent on a vent blog - seen as even worse than venting on one's blog in some corners because it's a more open to visit place, it's just stirring up drama and fights, this makes everyone feel vagued about and suspicions and accusations of being mentioned/mentioning someone run wild. Everyone wants a drama-free dash, no one wants to allow anyone a better place to do it
Venting is important. I think it is necessary to maintaining a less explosive environment. It's called "venting" for a reason!
Maybe it is the most ridiculous complaint in history, but those things do build. And build. And build. Until they blow up all over in someone's face, it might even be someone totally innocent who happened to be in the right place at the wrong time with exactly the worst coincidental words spoken to you. These places allow for people to get it out without hurting anyone's feelings or starting a massive argument when it wasn't even anything that serious. They offer, or used to, different perspectives that let muns feel seen while helping them to decide whether they are just blowing things out of proportion, misunderstanding/potentially unaware of another aspect, or even in a worse situation than they were allowing themselves to be aware of with a harmful relationship.
It goes beyond just venting when there are conversations going on about the topics! Sometimes, people just need to feel like they're not so isolated. Sometimes, they legitimately lack the tools and perspectives to approach a problem more directly or successfully. And yes, sometimes, they even need to see that this is kind of shitty of them and they should reevaluate.
Vent blogs are difficult to manage.
We all have biases, and when it comes to more personal situations we can recognize or see ourselves within, that is never more likely to become a point of extra difficulty to keep in check. This is actually why I left that vent blog the first time around, there was way too much bias being expressed with a mod taking it upon themselves to opine on submissions, fight with people about them, and refuse to post them while vaguing about them. Among other, increasingly perturbing behaviors I had no desire to keep seeing daily on my dash.
When you decide to create or accept a position moderating such a blog, you have to know that you will be thus challenged. Someone is going to vent about someone you'll recognize, a situation you feel passionately about, or say something in a vent that upsets you. You have got to remain visibly impartial. Go on and vent about it yourself to friends, write a post on your personal, do whatever the hell you need to in order to not be visibly biased and acting upon that bias.
I see blogs like this, as well as other places of moderation, often becoming incensed and offering the angry justification that "mods are people." Yes, I should hope you are! No one is saying you must be an impossibly perfect person without opinions, biases, or mistakes. We are holding you to a higher standard of you deal with these things out in the open where you hold this position, yes. That's literally what your job is, my friends. Go off about it, feel your feelings, even cultivate a block list from that blog! But you don't show it, you don't ever make people feel worse when the point of your blog is to allow them a voice.
The only time you need to give a personal opinion is when it is requested or you need to express that a submission was declined/comment had to be moderated due to you exercising your judgment that it violated the rules.
This is supposed to be a safe place for muns to anonymously let it out of their systems and discuss these topics. Not a place where they'll feel exposed, judged by the mods themselves, and denied a voice because of a mod's biases being exercised.
And I'm extremely sorry that people are being made to feel this way, all over again in some cases, because someone cannot handle the position they took up. I'm sorry for the whole community who has lost an important outlet. I wish that I could recommend another place for people to go that might provide a better experience, but as yet, I do not. Hopefully, that'll be changing in the near-enough future, but for right now...all of the vent blogs I was familiar with have long since closed down.
If anyone has any currently running vent blog suggestions, I'd love to know about them and share them! Please, they do have to be legitimate vent blogs. I'm not going to recommend here that might be too close to actually being burnbook-like, deals in publishing URLs, and so on. If you want to engage with that, it's absolutely your choice, but it's not something I want to give certified approval to on this blog, and I hope you understand why. If they're legitimately anonymous, safer places serving as vent blogs, let me know so I can check them out for a few days and publish your ask!
It wasn't my intention with this blog, though I did offer that a couple of times just to get people talking about problems important to them in the past, but if you want to vent here, I'll do my best to publish them (unless you request otherwise) in a relatively timely fashion.
I'm just not a proper vent blog, and people should be aware of that! I do offer opinions on those matters. It's more in line with the point of this blog to do so - I want to be able to give some point of assistance in publishing them. I cannot promise, therefore, to be impartial, but I can promise to not judge you or ignore what you send because I don't agree, am tired of it, etc.
I'd just ask that, once again, everyone realize that sending hateful messages to me isn't going to result in me being nice to you in return. If you've a complaint to lodge, lodge it respectfully if you desire to be treated that way yourself. This blog will publish anon hate, that doesn't mean I'm going to be nice when you send it. Anything else, however, I will genuinely try to offer you the opportunity to be seen and heard, some advice, experiences I might have had with a similar issue, and to approach it fairly.
Sorry that everyone is going through a hard time, that it just doesn't seem to stop, and probably will not for some time now. Thank you for sending this, I hope it made you feel a little better! That has been, and will continue to be, my objective in publishing asks relating to this matter - I just want everyone to feel like they have some agency and respect somewhere, that they're being seen, and that they have the support of others in the community.
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lavenderek · 4 years ago
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i have a thought to express, feel free to scroll past.
i’m gonna discuss rape and sexual abuse in this post. it’s also long because i don’t really have a conclusion, it’s just some thoughts. 
so i was looking into that reality show that facilitated shane dawson’s horrible movie “not cool” and i stumbled across a reddit thread posted by someone who was a fan of his as a preteen. the OP alleged that shane’s content contributed to them developing some serious issues including body dysmorphia and the normalization of sexual behavior involving children. 
some of the comments were in support and agreement, but a large amount of them were like, “where were your parents? it’s not shane’s job to police what you see online. it’s not his fault you were too young for his content.” 
now, shane was well aware from the jump that his fans were mostly kids and teens - he talked about it multiple times - but that’s not what this post is about. this post is about that particular argument, which does not sit well with me.
it reminded me of a couple years ago when i made a very critical post about c*ptive prince. 
pause: i want to make it crystal clear that i am not drawing a comparison between people who like cp and shane dawson. i’m not mad anymore, so i am not making this post making a value judgment on cp or fans of it, positive or negative. 
specifically, i was really bothered by the way cp content was posted and shared with no mention of or reference to the actual material. people were calling it a queer romance. it was a little-known series by a little-known author, so there were no synopses anywhere online, only the summary you’d see on the back of the book. so people would seek out cp thinking it was a romance and be blindsided by the fact that, spoilers, the story is set in a fantasy world where child rape is a major tenet of society. the scenes are explicit, detailed, and many. it’s not a thing that happens once or twice and is a major plot point, it’s a thing that happens multiple times in every chapter and is just kind of a thing that’s going on. if you’ve ever read twilight, i would compare the presence of rape in cp to the presence of rain in twilight.
like, that’s how often it happened, that’s how it was treated. sometimes with indifference, sometimes with a negative opinion, sometimes it caused problems, bella talks about it every two pages. it is a very rapey series. 
and people like, did not want to discuss this. they were like, “the characters decide the rape is bad in the end. and that’s not even what the story is about, it just happens in the story. i don’t know what to tell you.” like... people were not receptive to any kind of conversation about this topic lmfao, it was very touchy. they wanted to acknowledge that rape itself is bad, and then they wanted the subject closed. 
now, why is this a problem? i read the books. there were parts i enjoyed, and there were parts i didn’t enjoy. i’m not gonna reread them, but i’m still game to talk about it. ultimately i wanted to be able to talk about books with a friend of mine, and while i was like, “yikes, this is a lot of rape, was not expecting the volume of rape,” it didn’t occur to me this would be a pervasive issue at all until a different friend of mine happened upon it. this other friend was a rape survivor, and i happened to know she would find this content very upsetting. when she said she was thinking of buying the book, i was like, “halt, you know what happens in it, right?” 
nope! she didn’t. she saw cute fanart and a ficlet on her dash, somebody told her it was a queer romance. nowhere was there any indicator in summaries online or the posts she was seeing that the book would describe a person being drugged and sexually abused. she was pretty relieved that i’d warned her and shaken that that’s what happens in the books lmao. she would never have guessed. the cp fandom was made up of people who loved the main pairing, and they’d talk about them being in love and draw them being in love, and it felt like everybody was just acting like the rape wasn’t even present in the books lmao. 
pause: i didn’t go in the tags. this is not representative of the fandom as a whole. this is just my and my friend’s experience of it as passive internetgoers.
people got uncomfortable and a little defensive if i brought it up. they’d agree to tag for cp, but if you don’t know what cp is about, that isn’t helpful information. like that post that’s like, “waterboarding at guantanamo bay sounds like a lot of fun if you don’t know what either of those things are” lmao. if you don’t know what cp is about, tagging for it just tells you what it’s called. and it very clearly ruined everyone’s fun if i talked about this. 
so that’s what i was mad about, i was mad that i felt as though there was no recourse here, and i was mad because i felt like the cp fandom was the emperor’s new clothes. nobody was acting like it even existed and everybody got uncomfortable if i brought it up, like, i legitimately wondered at some point if i had somehow accidentally read a kinky rewrite of it, that the real version did not have rape in it and nobody knew what i was talking about. i felt like i was going crazy and i got shitty in the middle of the night one time, and wrote that post. 
i ultimately deleted it, so i do not remember how it was worded; but i do recall that it was a venting post, it was not intended to reach a wider audience. i was not trying to convince anyone in that moment, i was just talking shit. so i can bet that it probably came across as very judgmental and unkind. 
i made a bunch of people very angry with that post. somebody got thousands of notes by reblogging with an impassioned smackdown saying basically what those redditors were saying about shane - it’s not their job to police what people see online. it’s not their fault you were unprepared for cp. 
i do not think this is a nuanced enough argument because i do not think it acknowledges that not all content is created equal. 
i even got an anon ask in good faith saying, well, a huge trigger for me is body horror, and people will draw or reblog stuff with body horror in it, and i can’t hold that against them. 
and like, no, you can’t, but body horror is not the same as rape or child sexual abuse. body horror isn’t the same as sex trafficking. right? like those things aren’t comparable in the way that i think the anon was wanting them to be. they were saying that both of these are common triggers that people would want tagged and be unable to move past in media, you know? and i get that, i got what they were saying. 
kind of like that cartoonist who wrote a spooky horror comic a while ago and somebody sent them an ask being like, “that was really scary, you usually post fun comics, this was damaging, unfollowed :/” like obviously a stranger’s fear of spooky things is not something he should be expected to take on on his own blog lmao. i am deeply afraid of ghosts, by the way. 
but according to rainn.org, 1 in 5 women experience rape in their lifetime. 1 in 5 women are not frightened by literal ghosts in their lifetime. 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys aren’t body horrored. body horror and ghosts aren’t used on a global scale as tools to control and abuse people and they do not have the same connotations of shame, degradation, and control. the things are not the same. 
i don’t have an easy answer. i can’t wave my magic wand and make people not enjoy the rape erotica, nor was that my goal in the first place. i wasn’t clutching my pearls like, “how dare you! do not draw this art! think of the children!” and i don’t know how else i would have solved the problem, aside from having a weird disclaimer under your art of two dudes cuddling that says “warning, these dudes are from a book that’s got several thousand words of explicit rape in it, and i know that, you’re not the only one seeing that,” like that’s a lot and i get it. 
i don’t have an easy answer because there isn’t one. i felt like “well, that’s not my problem” was an easy answer. 
as i get older, the more responsibility i have as an adult online to maintain boundaries between me and minors, for example. i am not responsible for their internet experience and they can’t get mad at me for cussing or writing about gay werewolves on my blog, but i do have to be mindful of that context if i’m interacting with someone online. that’s where the complexity comes in. you can’t wash your hands of the context of the things you say and do online. 
just how to solve these problems, i did not know then and i do not know now. i guess we take it on a case by case basis. 
if you’re curious about shane dawson and his horrible movie, by the way, this guy did a few funny videos about the horrible movie and this guy did a not funny but comprehensive breakdown of shane and his career. 
and i tried to tint my eyebrows for the first time the other day, i have red hair and my eyebrows are darker than my hair for some reason, so i tried to use an eyebrow tint to lift my brows just like, a shade, so be closer to my hair? but in doing this i discovered that my eyebrows are a mixture of red and brown? 
so the red hairs lifted to a sunny orange, and the brown hairs stayed brown. so my eyebrows are fully like, calico right now. boom, orange juice, that’s life
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doedipus · 6 years ago
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I finally finished moyashimon
it’s honestly one of my favorite anime/manga that I’ve read in a long, long time. there are definitely some aspects of the work that frustrate me, but it’s not quite enough to sour the work as a whole in my eyes. if you’re in the mood for a really chill slice of life series with a lot of well-developed and respectfully portrayed female and queer characters, definitely give it a shot.
first of all, to anyone who’s only seen the anime adaptation, definitely, definitely, definitely look into the manga. some of the best parts in the series happen after the anime ends, esp. the craft beer adventure in volume 8 and american road trip in volume 10. plus, if you’re like me and are mostly drawn to the work because of kei, her involvement in the story only starts ramping up immediately after the anime ends, and she’s essentially the main character of the last 3 volumes. Plus, ishikawa and his team have a lot of fun with the medium that doesn’t always translate into animation.
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All in all, picking up the manga is 100% worth your time if you’re even vaguely intrigued by the premise
more detailed thoughts and a handful of good reaction images under the break
I think overall the beer, france, and america arcs are the high points of the series.
The beer arc sticks out to me mostly because of stuff happening in real life during the time I was reading it. Basically, some of my friends talked me into taking a beer tasting class at uni with them. I’d never really liked beer very much beforehand, but it turns out I was just drinking the wrong kinds of beer. I’ll put my life on the line for a good IPA now that I know what that even is.
The beer section of moyashimon has mutou go through a similar process- she starts out by going on a huge tirade about how craft beer sucks and it’s only appealing to pretentious weirdos, and then over the course of the volume, they go over what different kinds of beer are like, how they’re made, etc. It ended up giving me a good idea of what to look out for in the beer class, and it was fun being able to compare what I was sampling to what the fermentation lab crew talked about.
There’s also a pretty cute gender-affirming moment for kei in there, where the gang gives her a women’s costume for the faux oktoberfest celebration the book culminates in. it’s a small plot point, but I liked it a lot.
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The france and america arcs are pretty similar and I like them for basically the same reasons. Essentially it boils down to them tying really dynamic plotlines in with the usual culinary intrigue. There’s a real sense of tension to what’s happening in the story, and the food stuff is more directly related to what’s happening in the story than it usually is. In a lot of the other plotlines, the writers have a tendency to frontload all the technical stuff into one or two extended dialogue scenes, which can be kind of hard to get through in comparison
I also found ishikawa’s assessment of american food pretty fun to read through, and a lot of his comments make me want to try out some western restaurants in japan if I ever end up going there. For instance, he has the characters talk a lot about how burgers and stuff are much sweeter than they’re used to them being in japan, and it’d be neat to have a point of comparison for that.
Also the america arc is where kei and marie probably do gay things, which I am very down for
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ultimately, I think upwards of 90% of people who stumble upon this series now, 5 years after the last chapter and last episode were released, are here specifically for kei. she’s the strong bad to sawaki’s homestar: you might not know it yet, but she’s the reason you’re here. if you’re impatient and wanna speedrun straight to the part where she transitions/goes full time/whatever, it’s halfway through volume 4 of the manga and episode 10 of the first season of anime. there’s a lot of fun plotlines that happen before that point that really deserve attention on their own merit, though.
I’m a big fan of kei’s characterization. she’s possibly my favorite trans (or trans-adjacent josou danshi, post-colonialism ho!) character I can think of, and certainly the best I’ve seen written by a cis author. being manga, there’s some dumb missteps that happen, but they seem to be mostly a result of the creators not knowing better rather than them just putting her in to gawk at like a lot of other creative teams tend to do. plus, I think a lot of it boils down to localization error. for instance, the scanslation I read consistently has characters and margin notes refer to her as “he,” but like, japanese doesn’t really use gendered language the way english does, so it’s more representative of the scan team’s biases than the writers’.
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One of the things I really like about Kei’s depiction is that the author doesn’t try to make excuses for her behavior. There’s no throwaway line in her backstory about how her parents saw three crows and a capybara on the way home from the hospital and decided to raise her as a girl. She’s clearly attracted to Sawaki, but that’s never framed as her primary motive for transition. She just flatly explains that she thought about it real hard and decided that this was best for her. To me, that’s a much more compelling narrative than one where it’s something either foisted upon the character or something they just sort of haphazardly stumble into.
Another thing that sticks out to me about Kei is that she exists in a series that doesn’t construct its cast as a harem around a singular main character or the reader, which gives her much more room for personal motivations and interests. Like, even though I love Luka from steins;gate to pieces, she and the rest of the female cast in that series really only exist in order to be Okabe’s, and by extension, the viewers’ romantic interests. This ends up sort of limiting their ability for character growth because at the end of the day, they all have to remain available and receptive to Okabe’s advances. As a result, Luka can never really call Okabe out for mistreating her because the writers won’t risk making her route or subplot unappealing. The same goes for plenty of other series trans characters find themselves in, and it shows. So many of them are either smug tricksters there to tease viewers or utterly submissive waifs, and often lack development beyond what’s necessary to get otaku motors running.
Since Moyashimon doesn’t use that kind of restrictive casting structure, the author is able to untie Kei’s sense of self-worth from how Sawaki feels about her and allow the romance subplot to take a back seat while the cast works on their various projects. As a result, she ends up being more independent than most other trans characters and her self-confidence is more genuine. She’s designed from the ground up to be a more complete character, and it makes her inclusion in the main story as well as her subplot with Sawaki feel organic.
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on the other hand, as punlich​ pointed out in their post, the series does take a couple passes at introducing characters that seem to be designed with the intent of giving the reader an outlet to vent their sexual frustration around kei, particularly marie and madoka. the former is frequently referenced within the work as being a cis palette swap of kei, and madoka is another of itsuki’s proteges who begins insisting that she’s going to marry sawaki shortly after she’s introduced and receives little characterization beyond that. Marie ends up being a strong character in her own right, but the work probably would’ve been better off if they’d given her basically any other design.
at least in my reading of the work, neither is really taken seriously as a preferable alternative pairing to kei/sawaki, since marie ends up being more into kei than sawaki in the end, and madoka just makes sawaki uncomfortable more often than not. it’s a clear step up from works like steins;gate, re:zero, blend-s, or oregairu, where the trans or GNC character is the one who’s never taken seriously to the point of being a joke inclusion more than anything. still, it’s irritating that the creators would feel the need to include that sort of character, given how they’re usually pretty good about not harem-izing their cast.
uh, and speaking of that, fuck most of volume 11. the central plotline for that section is that the school holds a beauty pageant for the cast, which is, uh, wildly out of character for the series to say the least. it’s to the point where I’m inclined to suspect some form of executive meddling. like maybe they were gonna get dropped due to lack of readership and the brass told the creative team to do a dumb fanservice arc or something. they talk in a sidebar about how they changed editors around the start of this arc, so I have a hunch that has something to do with it?  I guess only they would know, though. it’s not like I can read any interviews or anything lol.
there’s still good content in there, and like I mentioned earlier, it’s when kei starts to really dominate a lot of the screen time, which is a big plus. it’s just dumb and out of place.
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I also kind of found the conclusion to kei and sawaki’s “will they, won’t they” subplot really unfulfilling. namely, there really isn’t a conclusion to it at all. at the end, it’s clear that kei’s finally become comfortable with her attraction to sawaki, but sawaki is still kinda hesitant about going anywhere serious with someone he’s been friends with since forever. and like, I can get that, it’s sort of a natural aspect of where that arc would have to go, it’s just a frustrating note to end on. it seems likely that they would get together in the future, at least. (and that’s why you should read my fanfics!)
One thing I really liked about the ending section is sawaki comes up with some proactive uses for his superpower. for most of the series, it’s just a vehicle for ishikawa to exposit about his fascination with microbiology and fermented cuisine, which works great with the lower-key tone the series went for. still, the ways he uses it at the end are pretty clever, and it would’ve been neat to see him go on to use it in other ways. It’s frustrating that one of the uses he comes up with involves doing mouth-to-mouth with madoka, however.
I kind of get the feeling that the series got cut short because a lot of plot threads get addressed and tied up really quickly and sloppily in the last four or five chapters, while a ton of others just sit there. idk if it was a popularity thing, or if ishikawa decided to go all-in on maria the virgin witch, or some other factor, but I guess that’s kind of the nature of serial fiction. it just goes on as long as the creators and publishers are engaged with it, and then it’s over and they all move onto something else.
I’m being pretty hard on the ending portions of the series, but honestly pretty much everything not directly related to the beauty pageant or madoka is really solid. I’m just laying it all out there so nobody gets caught off-guard by the jankiness more than anything.
For one reason or another, moyashimon really struck a chord with me, and it’s kind of hard to put into words why. A big part of it is that kei is a character that I feel a sort of kinship with, which is a rare occurrence as a trans person. She feels like a real person that I’d meet through a message board or discord lobby. The rest of the cast has shades of that as well- the students feel like people I could have met in school, and itsuki harkens back to aspects of professors I’ve had, from his weird sense of humor to his rather alarming past working for the military. It’s easy for me to subconsciously insert myself into their fictional friend group. I guess it’s kind of like how people tend to engage with redlettermedia or ensemble let’s play channels like game grumps or super best friends play. Reading about the gang’s antics confers a sense of belonging that I’m perpetually starving for.
Another aspect of it is that it’s just fun to indulge in someone else’s hyperfixations for a while. It’s why sci-fi authors like heinlein and crichton are so influential, and why internet personalities like cgp grey or jon bois are so engaging: they’re really adept at articulating how utterly captivating some concept or ideology is to them at the moment. Somewhere between most and all of what ishikawa has to say about food and microbiology goes directly over my head, but the passion he has for those topics is readily apparent in every jargon-infested, chart-saturated debate he has his characters get into, and I love it. In that sidebar he goes on about his relationship to his editors, he mentions that the top boy editor chewed him out a couple times for basically trying to sneak a textbook into the magazine. It ends up being compelling based on passion alone, even if I only really internalized a fifth of what he actually had to say.
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Is moyashimon for you? Ultimately I don’t think it’s really for anyone besides ishikawa himself. But if you’re at all like me, chances are you’ll fall in love with this bizarre and charming edutainment series anyway. If any of this sounds even remotely interesting to you, I can’t recommend checking it out highly enough.
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paintmyreality · 7 years ago
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Dear Writers: The Reasons Why You’re Not Getting Feedback
"But I'm more than a little uncomfortable with writers who don't just ask for feedback, but who more or less demand it, even making threats that they'll stop writing altogether unless they get more positive comments. I don't react well to emotional blackmail from people I actually know, and it really bothers me when someone I only know as a screen name tries to manipulate me into saying something nice."
—Tell me again how much you love me by The Divine Adoratrice 
 "I tend not to send helpful feedback to people because I don't particularly want to be accused of flaming. It's a damn shame, because so many people out there do want honest, helpful, critical feedback, so that they know if they're walking around with broccoli stuck in their teeth or not. I think it really sucks that people who can't stand the heat are not only staying in the kitchen, they're insisting that everyone else turn off the ovens for them." 
 —This was good, but I thought it could ise some work... by Arduinna 
"I guess it all boils down to why you write. Do you write for enjoyment, or do you write to be read? There's nothing wrong with writing to be read, but you can't force people to read it, and you definitely can't force people to send you nice comments. The harder you try, the more of an annoyance you become."
"So to everyone who begs for feedback, please stop making a scene. And please stop threatening to abandon the story if you don't receive feedback. The next time I read a message from someone saying "If I don't get feedback, I won't continue this story," I'm going to reply "Then don't." Something you can abandon that easily isn't something I'm willing to spend my time reading anyway.”
“We are not here to feed your ego."
—Begging for feedback by Jane
“Just like writer’s aren’t there solely for the readers’ entertainment, readers aren’t there solely for giving you words of encouragement
It’s okay to ask for feedback or remind readers to leave you feedback 
But don’t try to make them feel guilty about it if they don’t.
I know that feedback is incredibly important to us and helping us become better writers, but leaving feedback is the reader’s choice”
—Reply by villagecrazypeggy
"Your story sucks and they hated it. For some reason, you didn't reach the reader. Too obscure, too lyrical, too sparse, bad plot, crappy characterization, poor grammar, pedantic prose. Whatever. Well, it's possible, isn't it?"
"Because they don't like you. You personally. They think you suck. Not as a writer, but as a human being. They are incapable of separating personalities from the fiction those personalities produce. Just as many writers don't choose or have any desire to separate themselves from their work."
"They hate those stupid blackmail schemes: "If you want more fic, send me feedback!" or "If I don't hear from people, I guess I won't bother going on." If folks wouldn't take that crap from a writer like Stephen King, what in the world makes any fan fiction writer think people will cave in to this manipulation? Oh, wait. Must be because so many readers do."
"They're annoyed by those "Only send me positive feedback!" demands. Dictating what kind of feedback you're willing to accept decreases your chances of actually getting any at all."
"They're afraid to tell you what they really think of your story, in case you're one of those morons who thinks feedback is only about ego stroking and can't tell a flame from constructive crit. In other words: they'd like to write you some feedback or constructive criticism, but after debating it with themselves, they'll probably decide it's so not worth it."
"They wrote you once before, and you either didn't bother to respond or you were a bitch to them when you did. Either way, now they're done with you."
"Because they don't see your story as a gift to them, and they bristle at the notion they are somehow obligated to thank you in return. In fact? They probably think their feedback to you is the gift. And who's to say they are wrong? Not me."
—24 Reasons Readers Don't Send Feedback by Destina
It is incumbent on you, as an author, to grin and bear it gracefully. Don’t respond to your bad reviews. Don’t justify yourself. Find a close friend and vent if you need to, but in public, thank everybody and move on to your next story. You took the good stuff that came from publishing your story; cope with the bad stuff. Maybe fix your spelling by finding a line editor? Some critique is helpful! But if the commentator didn’t like your ships and complained about the things your story set out to do, ignore them and keep on shipping.
—Reply by antennapedia
“It seemed like some of the same entitled rhetoric I’ve seen from “writers” here on Tumblr. You know the ones. They’re the ones that feel that writers don’t owe their readers anything, they’re doing us a favor. Even going so far as to dictate how readers are to leave only positive comments, and essentially bow down to their charity and reassure them that they each have flowers blooming out of their asses simply because they’re writing fanfiction.”
If readers have to tip toe around your emotional state as a writer, I hope to God you never experience what an actual publishing house will do to you. Because if you’re going to eat up the praise with a spoon, you’re going to also have to learn to buck up and take the criticism as well. Otherwise, you’ll never be as good as you potentially could be.”
“Like it or not, these are the people that will either cultivate your art, and you as an artist, or rip you to shreds and make you question if you’re cut out for this.“
—Let’s Talk Fanfiction: Writers vs Readers by stilettoroyalty
Look, I know it’s frustrating to work hard on a piece and get one or two comments when you were hoping for more. It’s frustrating to think that no one is enjoying your work because they’re not telling you. But here’s the thing: odd as it may sound, your readers are not your bitches (to paraphrase Neil Gaiman). They are not obligated to give you ANYTHING. By demanding that they do, you’re coming across as a narcissistic writer whose fragile ego needs to be constantly boosted at any cost.
How to Make People Not Want to Read Your Fics by forficwritersbyficwriters
“You asked why people don’t post, even if it’s to say, “this isn’t my cup of tea but thanks.” As a reader, I personally don’t like to post the equivalent of “I don’t like this and won’t be reading it anymore, but good luck” because I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve seen writers eviscerate readers on tumblr for doing just that. I hear a constant refrain of: 
“Don’t like it, don’t read it.”
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t anything at all.”
“You don’t like it? Leave. I’m not writing for you.”
You’re upset in this post because you feel that readers are withholding support/reviews because they don’t like something you’ve written…. at the same time writers all over tumblr are all saying that they don’t want to hear anything that could even be remotely construed as negative to the writer and that it’s better to not say anything at all if you don’t like what you’ve read.“
— Reply by ellesjourney
 "Fandom is NOT a group therapy session, okay? We don't all love each other; hell, many of us don't even like each other. I'm not going to pat you on your little head and stick a gold star on your forehead for being such a brave girl and posting a story. I expect people to be aware that it takes more than just showing up to get applauded." 
 "I can understand why people want praise -- it's a very glowy-making thing, praise is, and I like it just as much as anyone else, and I've saved every compliment anyone's ever sent me on my writing -- but why on earth do people think they deserve it just for finding their keyboards?" 
 —What does "LOC" mean anyway? by Arduinna 
 ""Oh, nobody ever comments on my work! Pity me! You don't like me! Boohoo!" I personally have no idea why anyone would want a "nice story" which was extorted from the poster by this sort of emotional blackmail, but it's apparently just what floats some people's boats. There's always someone nice enough, or tolerant enough, or just new enough to fanfiction mailing lists to respond to this with a "nice story." It's really just a waste of time. The person giving you the guilt trip doesn't care what you say in your comment, or how much of your life you wasted typing it just so you could make them feel better. It's not enough to satisfy them, and it won't ever be enough, because they know deep down they extorted it out of you." 
 —Hey sailor, got some comments? by Martha Wilson 
"You can't take criticism. I once pointed out a missing word to an author, very nicely, under my regular slash writing identity. She said it was her story and she could do what she wanted with it, and basically that I was interrupting her creative process, and who did I think I was. I was just a fresh set of eyes that spotted a typo, not someone who was interrupting Rembrandt. Anne Rice insists on her books being published unedited, when almost every other successful author makes no such demand. What makes her so special? The same thing that makes you so special. A big fat ego."
"You have an FAQ on your web site. What are you, Microsoft? Please, please tell me what I need to know that's so important that it requires a list of frequently asked questions."
—Check your head by Jane 
 "A writer's words are no more sanctified because they're in story format than anyone else's words are. You don't have to have some kind of training and be paid, in order to say something critical about a story, all you have to is read the thing and have a opinion. Because the reader's words matter, too."
"I also do not believe in coddling the poor ickle writers and enabling "OMG my feelings are hurt, I'm never writing again!" behavior. Rather than cocooning people in cotton wool, how about we teach them healthy reactions to criticism and mockery?"
—oh goody. round 3.45 billion of "the writer is god and every word is sacred by Mary the Fan 
“The ‘if you don’t like it don’t look’ mentality can be harmful, even dangerous, because it’s giving writers leeway to normalize things that should be treated with care. We have a right to speak about whatever we want, to post whatever we like, but that does not give us the right to be rude or to mistreat someone with a different opinion.
We cannot normalize the fact that we should never get criticized, or that readers should never express their opinions if they’re not the same as ours. It’s not healthy and it’s only perpetuating a distorted image of the writing community. “
—Reply by inktae
"You are not guaranteed success, in fandom or in profic writing. You can do literally everything “right.” You can write the popular fandoms and pairings and tropes. You can type until your fingers hurt. You can put up fic after fic on AO3 and become a damn good writer and still never achieve even modest success."
"You’ll pour your heart and soul into a story only to watch it sink like a stone. You’ll write the best damn fic you can write and then watch someone else’s fic, that does ALL THE SAME THINGS, get recced everywhere while people ignore yours. You’ll read a fic that is absolutely perfect, that makes your heart sing, and the only comment on it will be yours. There is no “if” about this, only “when.” This is not your readers’ fault. This is not your fault. And blaming your readers for being inadequately appreciative will not make you more successful."
 —Let's Hear It For The Lurkers by laylainalaska
"You've given it (your story) to someone else. What that story means to you cannot possibly mean the same thing to the person you've given it to. That person has their own history, opinions, and viewpoints, and interprets literature their own way, and no two people do it exactly the same. You don't get to hand it to them and say, "Wanna read this -- but you can't have an opinion on it." That's nuts. It's a story. People think about stories. Stories affect people. THAT IS WHY MOST OF US WRITE THEM -- TO AFFECT OTHERS. You don't get to say -- This story can only have THIS KIND of an affect on you. The reader can't control the effect it will have on them, how can you assume to? To likewise say, "You can read this but I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK UNLESS IT'S POSITIVE," denies the reader the right of expression, something the writer hasn't been denied in producing the story!"
"I recently had a person subbing into VP who expressed great concerns about how she had "learned" what was "appropriate to say" and what wasn't. And she hadn't spent a minute on VP where we say pretty much anything we want! The net is about free expression and writing is all about free expression. Story writers don't get an exclusive on this. "
—Convoluted Writing Thoughts by Flamingo
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tessatechaitea · 5 years ago
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Aquaman #1
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In 1994, Aquaman was reduced to playing at State Fairs with only 1/3 of his original band.
It's as if the cover artist was only told that Aquaman would have long hair in this series three minutes before the cover was due. Or maybe Aquaman's insane hair is simply there to distract from whatever the fuck is going on with his legs. I know he loses a hand in this series but I didn't know he started off missing his left leg below the terribly misshapen thigh. Don't look so shocked that I own an Aquaman comic book! Think of it more as owning a Peter David comic book. And even Peter David couldn't keep me reading Aquaman because I only have two issues of this series. Cue King Beauregard linking to Ookla the Mok's song, "Arthur Curry," in the Disqus comment section. It's seems crazy to me that Aquaman has the worst costume of any major DC hero and yet he doesn't wear his underwear on the outside. Think about how unappealing the 1986 camouflage Aquaman suit must have been if editorial decided to go back to this orange and green eyesore? If I had been editing this comic book in 1994, I would have put this copy on the cover: "This isn't your father's Aquaman! This Aquaman is your father!" How did "long hair on an old guy with a full beard" translate into "Aquaman is super cool now, kids!"? I probably should just put this comic book back in its protective casing rather than read it since it's one of the few comic books I own that might be worth something. It's definitely in mint condition (or near mint since, you know, I breathed on it), probably because I never actually read it. I don't know for sure that I read it but it is an Aquaman comic book so Vegas is giving pretty shitty odds on my having read it. Unless I mean good odds? Which odds are good and which odds are bad? I would say shitty odds are things like winning one dollar for every five dollars bet. But that just means the odds of winning are good so that probably means they're good odds, right? So maybe read the opposite of what I wrote in that Vegas odds sentence.
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"They" have never had a wet dream, apparently.
That previous caption might sound like I've eaten my own semen while having a wet dream but I totally didn't. That previous sentence might sound like I'm protesting too much but I don't know what that means and, anyway, you tasted your semen during your wet dream! Aquaman hopes he's dreaming but he can feel and taste and smell and remember and read, so he's pretty sure he's about to die. The way I know I'm dreaming is that when a dream becomes increasingly uncomfortable or horrific, I often think, "You know what? I bet this is just a dream!" And then I wake up. Which is totally a mistake! I need to train my brain to stop waking up once I realize I'm dreaming and start taking control of the dream. Although I'm not sure how enjoyable a dream would be if I were consciously in control of it. Then it's not a realy dream anymore and it just becomes an IMAX daydream. The great thing about dreams is that they're surprising. It's the only way a person can truly surprise themselves. Hallucinogenics help a bit but you're still in some kind of control. I once thought I invented comic books and that Jupiter was following me around a strip club parking lot while on mushrooms but I've never fucked a vampire as the sun rose and turned her to dust while I orgasmed like I've done in my dreams! Hey, some of my dreams might be problematic or completely gross but I didn't approve them! Like the one where I murdered the old lady so I could live in her house but I didn't want things to seem too suspicious by covering it up so I just propped her corpse up in the corner of the living room. Or the time a friend made me a personalized flavor of Moon Pie called "Murdered Baby's Soul." Dreams are like presidential campaign ads that don't have the candidate saying, "I approve this ad!", at the end of it.
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Aquaman was dreaming. Also, he sleeps in a regular bed with sheets and blankets in a cave under the ocean. I would have had him sleeping in a giant clam shell with a manta ray comforter.
Garth visits Aquaman in his cave which isn't full of water so I guess the bed is forgivable. But it doesn't explain why Aquaman was floating over the bed tangled in his sheets. Maybe that will be explained in the post-Zero Hour continuity. Aquaman hasn't been seen in weeks and hasn't been answering his JL pager (Ha ha! Old technology! So funny!) so Aqualad has gone looking for him. He finds Aquaman sitting in his own filth and coral. He probably heard one too many jokes about speaking with fish and he's had it with topsiders.
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Aquacave?! Guess who has Bat-Penis envy!
Garth was worried about Arthur and has come to help him which is why he begins screaming at him and pushing him around. I know being berated and treated like shit is the only way I've ever gotten any kind of breakthroughs in therapy. Garth and Arthur get in a fight and the art confirms that the cave is definitely filled with water. So that bed really doesn't make any fucking sense at all. At least it confirms that Aquaman isn't possessed by the devil. After Garth gets his ass kicked, Aquaman begins to feel better and is ready to go on an adventure with Aqualad. Oh, so that was Aqualad's plan! Smart kid whose willing to take a severe beating from a friend just to put a smile on their face. I never would have thought of that. I would have thought, "My friend is really feeling down! I should be empathetic and compassionate while listening to them vent their problems!" But now Peter David has taught me another way. Punch my depressed friends in the face so that they can have a good time fighting back! This is a game changer! Aqualad is on a military mission for the United States Government. A nuclear submarine has been sunk and it's lying too low on the ocean's bottom for the military to deal with it. For some reason, they think Aquaman, being the water guy, can handle a submarine leaking radioactive material. I'm just going to assume Superman was still dead at this point and Batman's back was still broken. I don't know why Wonder Woman wouldn't have been tasked for this mission unless it's just because the U.S. military is full of sexist jerks. Aquaman and Aqualad begin to investigate the ship when they're attacked by Lupo the Butcher.
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Does Garth die?! That would make this Aquaman series cool!
Murder Chef was the one who requested Aquaman be sent on this mission. If the military didn't acquiesce, he was going to blow the nuclear submarine apart. I knew it was fucking suspicious that the military asked Aquaman for help! Even Aquaman should have known better! Aquaman is captured by Murder Chef who introduces himself as Charybdis. He wants Aquaman for his life force or something. Previous to capturing Aquaman, he's been draining Dolphin of her life force. I don't know anything about Dolphin except that she had nice nipples in her Who's Who entry. Let me dig it out and show you.
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That diver just came in his scuba suit.
Don't be surprised or creeped out that this fact was lurking in my memory. I grew up in the pre-Internet era! You had to find sexually stimulating material wherever you could! And you were fucking grateful for it! This was as great a find as the succubus or the Type V demon in the D&D Monster Manual. Hell, I even jerked off to the Caryatid Columns in Fiend Folio! Aquaman #1 Rating: B. I might have given this issue an A+ but Dolphin lacked the visible nipples I'm used to her character exhibiting. But this issue still gets a worthy B because Garth was left bleeding in the ocean while the sharks circled. He's totally going to die, right? Although I never purchased Issue #3 so I'm guessing I was disappointed that Garth didn't die. Still, you'd think Aquaman losing his hand (spoiler for next issue!) would have kept me intrigued. I bet in 1994, I read this series and was all, "Fucking Aquaman! Like anybody actually cares about the environment! Fucking virtue signaler! [Sorry I Coined the Term "Manic Pixie Dream Virtue Signaler" in 1994 by Me] His excess of caring makes me love oil and corporations now! It's his fault I'm such a selfish asshole!" Man, I was pretty cool in 1994. Now I'm almost 100% pure virtue signaler! Oh, Aquaman! I judged thee by my youth alone and could not see past your idiotic power to speak with fish to lay my sight upon the wisdom of your passionate defense of our only world!
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ladybuvelle · 7 years ago
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I find it odd that you often have posts about feeling excluded in the community, given your generally high activity levels and the great level of respect and personal adoration I hold for you. Of course, from outside, one never gets the full tory. I think you're a driven individual who is at times too harsh on herself but who also deserves a better situation than the one you have. You're a skilled artist and immensely dedicated.
// First of all: thank you for the kind words.
But more pressingly onto the subject of exclusion… it’s hard to talk about without giving specific examples, but when I look back on it it’s been a role playing career problem for me for years. I’m talking over a decade of role playing on various platforms and in very differing fandoms and “cultures”, but the same problems exist everywhere.
I’ve been hurt before. I’m an old hand when it comes to role play, and I feel like I’ve basically seen the medium from enough sides to know how the tropes and patterns go by now. But I’ve been hurt. Over time I’ve become more guarded, more selective about who I give my time and emotions. Because there are few things that hurt me more than giving someone my all only to have them abandon me in the end. It’s happened too many times. And admittedly, many times I could have prevented it if I’d just been smarter about the company I kept. But abusive relationships wouldn’t be what they are if everyone was so logical. I’ve stuck with people I had no business sticking with because I felt like I had nothing else.
Coming to Tumblr saved my life, literally and figuratively. I’ve said it many times and I’ll keep saying it because it continues to be true even today. But I’m not stupid or blind to what goes on here. Coming here showed me new ways people could hurt me or reject me; for example, I play Sona as straight. I’ve had people who couldn’t quite grasp that idea. Or I’ve had guys who were WAY too pushy about shipping with my muse, or getting really creepy and uncomfortable in the way they’d treat me.
I’ve been told by some dude who I thought was my friend, after a sudden and long-winded life story I didn’t ask for, that my feelings didn’t matter because he had a mental illness. And then when I immediately broke contact with him he was so buttmad about it he put in his blog rules that he didn’t want to hear about me or my blog, but that if people wanted to know about it he’d tell them. I had people over a year later coming to me asking what the hell was up because he was still talking about me. I’d never called him out. I’d never really gossiped or slandered him before then. And I won’t say who he was because what’s done is done and I really don’t even care anymore about it - it’s just one example of how easy it is to get a bad reputation here.
People meet me, decide how they feel about me, and then tell their friends, and their friends form opinions about me based on second-hand brief encounters. I actually had someone fairly recently say how “uncomfortable” I made them despite never having spoken to me personally before - all based on a few loose facts. I did get to speak to them, but I was left utterly baffled by the whole experience.
I’ve had someone block me all because they thought I called them selfish, when in reality I was just trying to tell them to try and look at things from another perspective and be proud of the work they do. I was asked to leave an art group for it. One person “””joked””” they wanted to “fight me”. I hadn’t cringed that hard in ages.
I’ve had people tell me I embarrassed them by casually correcting them on lore things, or being “too knowledgeable” about their chosen muse, or because I’m not pandering to their spells of self-hate and angst. I’ve been told I “don’t get it”, or that I’m “weird” for the way I run certain things or my mentality on certain things. There are people I really think I could have been friends with who spoke to me maybe once and have since given me the cold shoulder - and I have no idea why, or how, or what to even do about it. So I don’t do anything about it.
A lot of it? I don’t care. If I were to sit around and cry about every person I’ve somehow hurt or who hurt my feelings, I’d be a shriveled corpse by now. I have more important things to worry about than petty drama or how ___ feels about me or if ___ is talking behind my back. I keep a very, very small personal friend group. And when I say “small” I mean literally like 2-3 people that I talk to with any kind of regularity. If that.
Every attempt to make a new friend is seasoned with anxiety these days. How do they know me? Are they friends with ___? Are they going to have some kind of expectation? Do they even have an interest in my muse? Am I even going to like them?
So yes. To a certain extent I do feel excluded sometimes. I don’t ever want to make a big deal out of things here because that’s stupid and drama is stupid. I’ve never really and extensively talked about the things listed above on the blog because, frankly, it’s all my own personal business that no one else should be involved in. I’m not here to do call-out posts or tell you not to follow XYZisms or whatever the fuck because they hurt my feelings. If anything, when I do talk to someone about a lot of these encounters, I always point out that “I’m not going to tell you not to follow them, because they’re still very talented/probably just aren’t friend-compatible with me/etc.” Unless I feel someone is a real danger to others, I’m never going to tell people “stay away!”. That’s a shitty thing to do.
It does, however, mean awkwardly excusing myself from certain chat groups, or game sessions, or whatever have you - because I’m not going to be that person who stays where she isn’t wanted. I have a lot of personal integrity. If people see me for who I am and appreciate it, then I appreciate it too. If you’re just going to judge me based on something your friend told you, or because I maybe made a post or image that made you uncomfortable for some reason? That’s your right.
It doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, though. I’m not a rock. I just want to be here and have fun… I hate walking on eggshells for people.
I could also get into the whole issue of “depression culture” here on Tumblr, where it’s practically fashionable to be self-hating and sad, but it’s too broad a subject to comment on and I fully understand that some people are actually, legitimately depressed and suffering and have no outlet. I suffer a lot, too. I’m doing the best I can with it every day. And just because I can handle certain things doesn’t mean other people can just as easily.
I’ve been berated for being strong in the face of my problems. I’ve been told I make people feel bad for being happy. How fucked is that? And god forbid I don’t pander to people who just want attention all the time. Or god forbid I actually try to reach out and help. But I guess I’m too old to understand the emotional young adult lifestyle. I’m 31. I’m far away from all that bullshit now, and even though I’m full of life advice and general perspective, it doesn’t matter because some people just wanna be angry or sad.
I’m not making fun. Sometimes that’s just how it is… you have to fall on your own and learn how to get up on your own.
I didn’t mean to go into this long-winded vent/rant, but I felt the need to explain these feelings that I know I must have been very vague about (on purpose). Communities are weird things. People don’t realize that with popularity comes a level of influence over others. Or they don’t realize that I can fucking see your racism, or whatever hateful shit you post.
Be kinder to each other. I’ll be fine in the long run, because I always am. But learn something, guys. Be more aware of the things you say and do and post.
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1: Name - Joel 2: Age - 18 (19 in June) 3: 3 Fears - being alone, not making anything of myself, and bugs lol 4: 3 things I love - My Sweet and Wonderful Boyfriend, music and making music, chocolate 5: 4 turns on - the back of my neck, it's really sensitive… when the other person takes control… that's all you get for now ;) 6: 4 turns off - biting, roughness lol, uncomfortable positions, boobs (lol) 7: My best friend - Sterling 8: Sexual orientation - Gay (duh XD) 9: My best first date - pizza place with my current boyfriend 10: How tall am I - 5’6” 11: What do I miss - my boyfriend. And music camp tbh 12: What time was I born - not sure… the afternoon maybe? 13: Favorite color - Teal 14: Do I have a crush - very much so 15: Favorite quote - not my favorite but I love it cuz it's hilarious “...the people that put the chemicals in the water that turned the friggin frogs gay!” - Alex Jones 16: Favorite place - Sterling's house (and now anywhere with my boyfriend :) 17: Favorite food - Mac n’ cheese. Also chicken 18: Do I use sarcasm - nooooooo I neeeeever eeeeeeever use sarcasm (lol) 19: What am I listening to right now - my Mom has some cringey Christian radio station on... 20: First thing I notice in a new person - kindness 21: Shoe size - 10 (12 women's XD) 22: Eye color - blue 23: Hair color - dirty blonde 24: Favorite style of clothing - sweaters with or without buttons, clothes with buttons in general. Fall clothes 25: Ever done a prank call? - once… it was so cringey but he actually fell for it
27: Meaning behind my URL - theboywiththepinkfloralpurse was my first blog where I really needed someplace to make venting emotional posts and I'd just gotten a tacky pink purse with flowers lol. a-random-gay-bunny is pretty self explanatory lol 28: Favorite movie - ahhhhhh I'm so bad at picking favorites for most things…. I do really like V for Vendetta tho. Seen it many times, and the entire X-Men series. 29: Favorite song - too many to pick… 30: Favorite band - except this… I can say for sure it's Pentatonix. I've seen them in concert twice, I love them so much 31: How I feel right now - happy, but I wanna hold my boyfriend and kiss him 32: Someone I love - My boyfriend John 33: My current relationship status - very taken <3 34: My relationship with my parents - much better than a couple years ago, still a little rocky but pretty good 35: Favorite holiday - probably Christmas 36: Tattoos and piercing I have - none 37: Tattoos and piercing I want - I'm not sure, but I would like a tattoo or a few one day 38: The reason I joined Tumblr - to vent my feelings to the void lol 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? - don't have one 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - everyday :) <3 41: Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? - this question is weird lol, but John's the last person I texted and the only person I've kissed :) 42: When did I last hold hands? - yesterday 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - depends, I can get ready really quickly if need be though 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? - nope. Last I shaved was a week ago I think 45: Where am I right now? - at home on my couch 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - either Sterling, John or both, but I don't plan on getting drunk ever. I guess it could happen but probably won't be drinking in the future 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - both, usually slightly loud though 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - yeah… hopefully not for too much longer 49: Am I excited for anything? - seeing my boyfriend on Saturday, and going to camp in 52 days, and hopefully passing my driver's test in 107 days. 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - sort of? I feel like I can tell Tabby everything 51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - not too often, only in situations where I feel uncomfortable but feel I need to smile. 52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - couple of hours ago 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - I'd be vereh sad and I'd want to know why. But he wouldn't do that :) 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - I'm a really trusting person so probably 55: What is something I disliked about today? - I couldn't see my boyfriend and kiss his cute face 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - uhhh… I dunno… maybe Tyler Oakley cuz I bet that would be really fun 57: What do I think about most? - heehee, my boyfriend. And also getting a job and figuring out plans for things, always running through plans in my head. 58: What’s my strangest talent? - I'm not sure, but the fact I can sing so low and so high is a pretty strange talent I guess 59: Do I have any strange phobias? - I'm very afraid of getting water in my eyes 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - behind it 61: What was the last lie I told? - I told my Mom I understood when she told me that my having a boyfriend is very difficult and awkward for her. I really don't understand 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - definitely on the phone, but before my boyfriend I would've said neither 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - I'd like to believe in aliens, but I dunno. As for ghosts I don't believe in them at all really. 64: Do I believe in magic? - kind of? I think people can and have been able to connect with demons and been controlled by them. I don't think it really happens today much anymore. I think it might tho? 65: Do I believe in luck? - not really, sort of in a cutesy way tho 66: What's the weather like right now? - slightly cloudy, but the sun has mostly set anyway 67: What was the last book I've read? - all the way through? Animal Farm. The last book I opened and read from was a book Sterling gave me. 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - Oh god no, do some people like that smell? 69: Do I have any nicknames? Dork, pianoman (from this strange sports camp where everyone had a nickname) 70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? - had a car hood slam on a couple fingers, they didn't break tho surprisingly. Never had a broken bone 71: Do I spend money or save it? - spend… I shouldn't, I need to make money so I can start saving 72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - just barely the bottom of my nose 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - yes, my old pink purse and probably some other stuff 74: Favorite animal? - besides cats and bunnies, red pandas 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - talking to bae 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - I don't think he has one? Strange question lol 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - you'll be in my heart by Phil Collins 78: How can you win my heart? - genuinely caring about me :) 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - Here lies the gayest gay to ever gay 80: What is my favorite word? - maybe bitch lol 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - a bunch of furry blogs lol 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - …..hi?... anybody wanna give me free money and help me see my boyfriend more?.... 83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no. Unless I have distant relatives in jail 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - teleportation 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - not many, but one is “have you cheated on school assignments” 86: What is my current desktop picture? - my cat Loki 87: Had sex? - nope 88: Bought condoms? - nope 89: Gotten pregnant? - NOPE XD 90: Failed a class? - no 91: Kissed a boy? - yee 92: Kissed a girl? - nononono 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - not yet ;) 94: Had job? - not yet :( 95: Left the house without my wallet? - plenty of times lol 96: Bullied someone on the internet? - maybe? When I was like 13/14 I might've, but not really, I made cringey YouTube comments. 97: Had sex in public? - nope lol 98: Played on a sports team? - nope 99: Smoked weed? - nope 100: Did drugs? - nope 101: Smoked cigarettes? - nope 102: Drank alcohol? - nope 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - nope 104: Been overweight? - nope 105: Been underweight? - ...yeah 106: Been to a wedding? - many… many 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - HA plenty of times XD 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - probably 109: Been outside my home country? - no 110: Gotten my heart broken? - yeah 111: Been to a professional sports game? - actually yeah… it was boring 112: Broken a bone? - nope 113: Cut myself? - no, I considered once but immediately decided against it because I know someone close to me who did 114: Been to prom? - nope 115: Been in airplane? - a few times 116: Fly by helicopter? - nope 117: What concerts have I been to? - Oh lots, a bunch of em were when I had a scholarship that allowed me to see concerts for free 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - plenty lol, better question would be had a crush on the opposite sex. Which the answer would be… once 119: Learned another language? - sorta? Not fluently no lol 120: Wore make up? - nope, I don't like stuff on my face like face paints and makeup and stuff 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - nope 122: Had oral sex? - nope 123: Dyed my hair? - no, but I want to someday. Like a fun color 124: Voted in a presidential election? - yeah 125: Rode in an ambulance? - nope 126: Had a surgery? - nope 127: Met someone famous? - kinda! 128: Stalked someone on a social network? - a few times... 129: Peed outside? - yeah, hasn't everybody at least once? Right? 130: Been fishing? - once… super boring 131: Helped with charity? - not yet, can't afford to yet lol 132: Been rejected by a crush? - once 133: Broken a mirror? - don't think so 134: What do I want for birthday? - always a difficult question. But definitely want to see my boyfriend :)
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thehonestaquarian · 8 years ago
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The Power of Self-Awareness...Know Thy Self! Part 1
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Fall 2016 my life went into shambles!  I was at an all time low. It wasn't easy but I slowly but surely picked myself up and got my ish together.  I can't take all of the credit.  I have some pretty amazing women in my circle who held me up when I was down.  The numerous phone calls, emotional breakdowns and vent sessions were my daily regimen. Instead of harboring negative feelings/emotions, I decided to write.  Writing is truly one of my many passions.  It is a form of therapy I have grown to utilize when I feel the need to release. I started this blog because I am on an incredible journey right now.
The insanity that was once apart of my life is now my story...my blessing.  Had these things not occurred, I wouldn't be where I am today. I would still be somewhere mad, upset and feeling that life was unfair to only ME. I was carrying on like I was the only one in the world with problems. Yikes! Just thinking about it makes me cringe. The obstacles that brought my life to a standstill was only the beginning of my journey to self-awareness. I have sooo much to say and I want to share my story with anybody who has a listening ear.  I wrote this blog to let you know that it is never too late to change or be better than you were yesterday.
I want this blog to change someone's life for the better so if one person finds some kind of life-changing nugget from this, I have done my job!  I am not an expert...just rich in life experience. This blog is the first of my self-awareness series.  I am an Aquarius; we are natural humanitarians and LOVE to help people.   I am also an introvert and hide from people! How crazy is that? HA!  Ok let’s get this party started! Ready…Set…GO!!
Life's Challenges Are a Catalyst to Self-Awareness
Fall 2016 my life went from sugar to sh*t real quick!!!  I was dealing with a lot of personal issues such as my job,  my relationship and to make matters worse, I was slowly recovering from a myomectomy (removal of uterine fibroids) in July.  My life was in complete shambles!  I literally watched every aspect of my life crumble right before me and I felt like I had no control over what was happening to me.  I felt like a helpless victim to my circumstances and that nobody could ever understand my life and what I was going through. I was a mess!  I couldn’t understand why my life had taken such a downward spiral so quickly.
I consider myself to be a very RESILIENT person who is able to manage stressful situations well but this I couldn't shake.  It was like LIFE was the bowling ball  and I was one of  the pins. I was knocked down! The STRIKE of anger,  disappointment, failure and hurt hit me all at once. Why me? I was living in a state of reactivity.
I finally decided that I was going to navigate through my life’s challenges the best way I knew how so I had to come to a complete STOP, take a good look at myself and dig DEEP!!! It was painful, uncomfortable and scary. It still is.  Did I mention it is REALLY painful and uncomfortable??  It was during this time I began my journey-the journey to true self-awareness.
            What is Self Awareness?  Look in the Mirror.
Self-awareness simply put is the awareness of  SELF.  To be self-aware is how we perceive what motivates us, our strengths, weaknesses and character, personality, thoughts and emotions.   You can also find more info about self-awareness here.  Take a few minutes to reflect on how these variables make up your views on your own self-awareness and how they currently affect your life. Remember this is about YOU. What immediately comes to mind?  Helpful Hint:The journey to self-awareness is no cake walk.  You will have highs and lows. You will uncover some things that may cause uneasiness and discomfort but it doesn't stop there.  If you allow the process to work, and slowly peel back the layers that you were once incognizant of,  you will start to see yourself as the truly awesome person that you are.
Let's dig a little deeper shall we?
What does my character say about me?
What do others say about me?
What motivates me?
What are my goals and ambitions?
What are my strengths?
What area(s) of my life could be improved?
What things do I value in life?
How do I feel about myself?
Self-Awareness = Introspection
Self-awareness forces us to examine our own thoughts and feelings, also known as introspection.  As you read this blog, take time to answer the questions about yourself.  If you can't answer the questions now, make the time to answer them later  in a quiet space (no distractions).   Introspection aka "soul searching" allows you to think about how you process your own thoughts and behaviors.   I strongly encourage you to document your answers in a journal or note cards so you can refer back to it later and see your progress.  Introspection is  one of many steps in self-awareness.   It is like you are interviewing yourself for that dream job-A BETTER YOU!
What Self-Awareness is NOT...
Being self-aware is not the absence of mistakes,but the ability to learn and correct them. ~Daniel Chidiac
So... we talked about the good, let's talk about the bad. Do you know someone who ALWAYS blames other people for the things that go wrong in their life?  EVERYTHING is because of someone else! They are never wrong, make no mistakes or take ownership for their actions.  Sadly, individuals who behave this way have not dealt with their "stuff" and don't want to face the music of accountability.  Accountability for some, is a huge blow to the ego so blame-shifting helps them avoid having to walk around with a bruised ego, hence allowing them to stand tall in their falsified sense of importance.  *We will talk about that in another blog post.*
Be Honest...With Yourself!
Do you find yourself blame-shifting your mistakes or issues on to others when something negative happens in your life?  Statements like " If my husband would just listen to me I wouldn't have cursed him out yelled at him."  or "It's not my fault that I am perfect people don't understand me or accept me for who I am!" I was very guilty of this in my younger years. I didn't want to assume responsibility in arguments with family members, relationships, friendships, colleagues, you name it. I was a mess!  I didn't want to feel bad about what I did due to my own insecurities and fragile ego so shifting blame allowed me to feel like a victim justified in my actions. I never had to be wrong about anything I said or did because people were doing things to ME!   As I got older and wiser, I  recognized  that I was a HUGE part of the problem. But before I came to the realization I was the problem,  I continued living this way for years.  I didn't want to take ACCOUNTABILITY for what happened in my life.  However, I was accountable for my life. PERIOD.  It had absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.   Blame shifting only made me a victim! It was comfortable and EASY!
Major Key Alert!!
The key to overcoming self-victimization is being brutally honest yet kind to yourself! Helpful Hint: Being hard on yourself is counterproductive to the process.  Please be kind to yourself.   PS: DO NOT allow others to be hard on you or shame you while you are going through the process!!!
Choose wisely when it comes to confiding in the masses about your journey.  
Some will understand, some may not. Those who understand your journey are  usually high in self-awareness so they understand your journey and will support you.  They will be honest with you and come from a place of empathy and compassion.  Those who do not understand  or downplay your journey most likely have their own unresolved "stuff" and chances are they are not functioning from a space of self-awareness.  They will most likely tell you to "Just get over it!" OR " You are just too sensitive." OR try to shame you for your feelings and/or expressing them.  Helpful Hint: Sometimes people who tell you to just get over it tend to suppress their own feelings and live in a state of emotional avoidance.   This is not true for all cases but in my personal experiences it was the common denominator when it came to those who told me to just "get over it".
At some point you WILL get over it but with TIME.  This is not a race and you shouldn't beat yourself up when you see yourself falling back into old habits. Change takes time and effort. Studies show that it takes at least 66 days for a habit to become ingrained.  So don't be hard on yourself when you don't see immediate changes.  Remember you have been behaving and thinking a certain way for years!
I confided in a close friend about how badly I felt about reacting to a situation last week. Someone did something I didn't like and I was emotionally triggered by it. I spoke with my friend about it and started getting down on myself.    She told me something so profound! She said to me,  " It's all a process!! You don't grow overnight.  The fact that you are in such a healthier, happier place in 3 months time is amazing!! It takes years sometimes for people to get to where they want to be.  Be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished.  It's a journey...not a race!!!  Grow in it and it stays with you for life!!" SHE totally gets it!
It took time and me talking to a therapist (I will talk about this in part 2) about my "stuff" before even getting to this point. I have been this way for 39 years so changing my old thoughts and behaviors won't change overnight.  I am taking baby steps and celebrating my accomplishments as they come.
Finally...
I truly hope this blog has helped you in some shape or form.  I am not an expert but I do speak from experience.   Next week's blog (part 2) will discuss emotional triggers (the things that remind us of past painful events) and how self-awareness helps identify our triggers.
I would  love to hear from you.   Please post a comment below and tell me what you think about today's topic.
Follow me on Instagram @thehonestaquarian
Photo credit: Vevo.com
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