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whyarewecalledtheshipname · 3 years

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kh3, khux, recoded spoilers:

ramblings about unreality, the BoP, and the journal:

ngl i'm hella late to the party and i'm still not super familiar with what ideas and theories have been made regarding khux shit, unreality shit, etc. these are thoughts i had after rewatching recoded.

i know the maleficent/book scene isn't novel, but i wanna ramble about it anyway.

a question i had when listening to some khux talk: is it agreed that MoM made unreality? bc we know he hid there, right. idk how or since when, i'm guessing it's where he originally disappeared to.

But what's our understanding of that scene in the khux finale, where MoM's telling Darkness about the fictional world, the world he couldn't even conceive? Where neither light or darkness rules?

i've only watched that scene a few times, and i'm not clear on whether MoM's talking about the fictional world as if it already exists, or something he's envisioning.

pff i can't even organize my thoughts lmao. So, my guess at this point is that MoM was envisioning/imagining this world where neither light or darkness rules (and where voices and eyes can't reach but idk what dictates THAT particular rule). By simply imagining/thinking of it, i don't think it resulted in that world becoming real. Cause i thought he said something about that idea having to be "realized", but rewatching that specific scene, he doesn’t. If anyone knows for sure if he ever mentioned something like this i’d appreciate confirmation. [EDIT: MoM does specify putting your imagining into realization in the fan translation, which is more direct/literal and often times more accurate than the official localization…🤷🏽‍♀️]

But—IF it's not enough to /just/ think of it, and you do have to literally put it into realization—. My interpretation of what that means is, you know, putting the idea into action. /Making/ it real. Manifesting it. And that can happen any number of ways. Namely, in this case, putting it on paper. In the Book.

THE BOOK, UGH. The recoded scene. I know it kinda basically confirms that the book can create worlds but again i wanna scream about it a little.

But first. So far, i have that idea. Now as for the actual sequence of events, mmm. My brain goes all over the place for that one. Bc before rewatching those scenes, the question took form of "what came first? the chicken or the egg?" bc an idea i had heard was that Verum Rex, the game, could be a documentation of what's going on in unreality. And i've been flip flopping on that.

for me it would depend on whether unreality as we see it was spawned (that's the word i use) as soon as MoM originally thought of it, and wrote it down. Bc then Verum Rex could be made in the image of that world. On the other hand, if Verum Rex is like, 'additional' realization of the /idea/, then that would mean the game came before (most/some of) the world. But i think the first option is more likely.

So MoM conceived the world --> MoM wrote about it in the Book --> the world became real --> SOMEONE made the world into a game

and that gets into my thoughts about who tf has access to unreality, at least to the extent that they can see into it and observe it, and how. and obv, square enix (in kh) made the game. and square enix is literally "the powers that be" so. kinda an obvious option. but anyway.

i covered my main points ig. so time to scream about how tf this even could happen and why. not that i have any actual answers bc how tf could a book make worlds.

recoded. GOD, RECODED. If i didn't already ramble about HOW the Book could make worlds then i'm about to.

idek where to start lmao. Maleficent. she brings up the book, after she and pete have been rescued/released from the datascape.

(And what IS the datascape exactly? WHAT does it encompass? is the datascape in recoded strictly the data made from the journal? like, could there be multiple datascapes based on different source materials, or based in different devices/computers? ????)

“Yes, considering legend has it the book can conjure, making an entire world filled with beings and powers that have yet to exist.”

So that's just there. We've seen this. So this is assuming we can take the legend as (probable) fact. I'm assuming the Book really /can/ make worlds.

this next part about fairy tales i'm including to like cover my bases and see if anyone has thoughts about it bc i have not thought too much about the concept of fairy tales in kh and what it could mean:

“Really? A book that can just make up a world? I don't know. That sounds like nothin' more than fluffy, pink, kids' fairy tale stuff. It just sounds too good to be true"

“Ah, but who’s to say a fairytale’s not true?”

So that's that about fairy tales. (omg cinderella, dreams coming true, true love's kiss, sleeping beauty, WHHHHH--)

“And I ask you, how does that differ from this world they call the ‘date escape’?”

THIS BITCH. (the quote not maleficent lol) I know that early theories and probably current one's still, suggested unreality/quadratum/other-shibuya were data worlds, or something akin to them. and i mean, yeah, i wondered too, bc of the glitchy stuff with sora’s heart station in the secret episode.

but also, like. this whole world manifested "outside" of kh's reality. like, is it even possible that it COULD be /just/ data? As in, could data just exist on it's own like that? (or is there more? if the part of unreality we see /is/ data, is it only the data aspect of a bigger whole? i've seen a theory talk about this, is why i even bring it up)

If what we see of unreality so far is data, like, does that data exist within something? does it /need/ to?

and if unreality is data, like. i feel like it'd have to be different than that data worlds we see in kh. pure guesswork, but i feel like it's /more/ than just data worlds. /Bigger/.

"how does [world created by the BoP] differ from [datascape of the journal]?" thats the thing, too. essentially, what's the difference between the Book, and the journal.

sHEESH i just rambled in my notes. it's a bunch of guesswork, and idk if i should even put it here. gimme a sec.

okay well might as well address this while i’m here. my guess is that there IS no difference. there is no difference between the BoP and fucking jiminy’s journal, ability wise. We know the BoP doesn’t actually predict the future, it was simply written in the past after the future had taken place.

inherently, there’s no difference.

the difference between their CONTENTS however. one accounts the future (that has already happened, this is kinda important imo). the other records the past.

two things they both share. 1) the events in both books already happened 2) we saw them happen. in reality.

just like the past is fixed and unchangeable, so is the future (bc it’s already happened). We know this.

so what ISNT fixed and unchangeable? if literally all of time IS?

fiction.

okay, well, duh.

this is where my ideas become pure assumptions.

my guess is that like i said, neither of these books holds any special power over the other. and if my next guess is right, then neither of these books holds any special power over literally any other book (in kh).

this has no bearing on my main points above. (did MoM not discover unreality, did he THINK of it? i think he did. did MoM write his idea in the BoP? i think he did. did writing it down result in the idea manifesting as a world? i think it did.)

the idea is that ANY book [any MEDIUM, for that matter (books, shows, movies, games)] can create worlds. THIS world (or these, that we’ve seen in the secret ending and secret episode) is just the only one we’ve been shown.

i could not tell you how. and i could not tell you why. the only guess i currently have is that fictional ideas (given a medium) create worlds bc that’s Just How Things Work in kh. like, it’s literally just the laws of physics of kh.

For SOME fucking reason, fictional worlds given a medium spawn real worlds, outside of kh. hence, unreality. (bc they’re outside of kh reality, and bc they’re Not Real. fictional)

What about the BoP and the journal then? The shit in there doesn’t manifest as a separate world because it has already manifested in reality. That’s why i was saying it was important that the future already happened. bc if you wrote about a hypothetical future, not simply recorded the future as witnessed through your time traveling eyeball, then that would therefore be fiction. even if it’s based on the real world, this hypothetical future would not consist of real world events. An AU, basically. like real world=canon, hypothetical future=noncanon (fanfiction oop) (nonfiction vs fiction)

so if you wrote your fake future shit, it would hypothetically spawn as a world in unreality. IF the idea of the creation of worlds through fictional ideas given a medium pans out lmao.

On the other hand, the power to create worlds really could be special to the BoP or MoM himself. but the reason i don’t assume that in the first place is due to his wording in his khux scene.

“If you imagine hard enough, you can make anything a reality.” (maybe it’s just phrasing. maybe only he has the power and he’s just not specifying it but 🤷🏽‍♀️)

this brings me to Pete in kh2 LMAO LEGIT i just remembered that one theory video about how the fuck pete manifested a whole ass time capsule world by WISHING for it. if all it takes is JUST IMAGINING (in the case of fictional ideas) and WISHING (in the case of real world events), that would throw this whole post out the window lmao.

if imagining ISNT enough, and you DO have to go through the step of /realizing/ your idea, by giving it a MEDIUM, then.

and the reason i stick so much to the concept of giving things MEDIUMS is bc of khux. and this is all based on the english versions of the game.

at this point i’m not even connecting random dots, i’m scribbling all over a blank page but. it reminded me of time travel. to time travel, you leave your body behind, resulting in just a heart. to restore the body, the physical form, you need two things at your destination. Someone with memories of you, and a medium.

a mental/non-physical element, and a physical one.

memories could equate to imagining. a medium to restore the physical form could equate to a medium through which to express a fictional idea. and these two things combined results in a physical manifestation. Except one process restores real people in reality, and the other process creates people/places in unreality. (bc worlds don’t time travel or do they oh god)

the likely thing is that these two things aren’t related at all, esp since i’m working with the assumption that the second process even exists.

there’s also this random google definition of the word medium as it relates to computers: “a particular form of storage for digitized information, such as magnetic tape or discs” 🤷🏽‍♀️

another random idea/question regarding the process by which we’ve seen mediums result in worlds. the journal was converted into data with mickeys fucking macbook computer/machine. and that resulted in the worlds and people written about in the journal being recreated as data, hence data worlds and data characters. (and real people can enter data too without necessarily being data themselves but that’s a random note)

would the writings in the BoP require a similar process? or any other book/medium for the matter? obviously it wouldn’t be the exact same process or it’d just result in a data world, and a fictional data world would just be a video game at that point. is writing it at all the process? i mean i already assumed it is but just thinking.

i thought maybe Verum Rex could have been the process for this world specifically. The video game could be the writing converted into data but i don’t think the time aligns. Like, Verum Rex is like the best selling game right now. and MoM conceived and potentially wrote the idea down back in the age of fairy tales. I don’t know what time shenanigans could explain that time gap.

imo the wildest part of this whole thing is just the assumption that writing down a fictional idea results in the creation of a whole ass world in a whole different plane of existence lmao. like i said, i could not guess as to why this would be the case, only that it could just be part of the physics in kh world. Action, reaction. Conception, manifestation.

if anything, this whole concept of ideas becoming worlds would just be a fourth wall thing. get an idea, put it on paper, make worlds. ofc everyone has recognized the meta-ness of all this lmao i’m here trying to rationalize it in-game.

i had more quotes i didn’t add lol, in regards to the similarities between the BoP and the journal. it’s kinda additional stuff about why i do or don’t assume the things i do. (the first maleficent quote is the biggest tho for me)

“Don’t you think it might just be worth our while to search for a connection? Perhaps there’s a link of some sort between that so-called journal of theirs and the Book of Prophecies.”

(“so-called” why this phrasing? is it that maleficent suspects the journal is more than it seems? is it just the eng dialogue or just maleficent’s speech pattern?)

at this point i’m mostly gonna copy/paste my ramblings, so it’s gonna be messier:

So clearly they’re telling us to LOOK for the connections between the journal and the book. is it for proof that the book of prophecies CAN make worlds?

and also, does it make worlds OUTSIDE of kh BECAUSE you can’t change fate? it depends on the power of the book, and what gives it that power. (if it’s a power exclusive to the BoP after all)

lmao admittedly, this can be encapsulated by stuff Spuuky said during one of his streams about how Jiminy’s journal is OP bc you could create literally anything by writing it down bc converting it into data would make it real, and able to directly affect and interact with the real world. And at that point i was like bruh it’s not the journal it’s the machine but??? LMAO ARE THEY SO DIFFERENT AFTER ALL, i hate this game

and, another random question, does stuff from unreality manifest in kh? and if it does, does it do it on its own or would someone in kh need to access unreality and carry the ideas back over to kh? i already asked this earlier, and my end assumption for now was that verum rex did NOT just leak into kh by accident, someone brought the idea over. and the reason i don’t think it was MoM is because i’m guessing MoM doesn’t work at square enix in kh (nomura is MoM theories incoming lol). And MoM is hiding in unreality (tho he seems to have been coming back to kh every so often when he sees fit, such as his intervention with xehanort).

imma leave this for now, my thumbs are RIP

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #332

i’m even more tired than before to try and think up song lyrics, i’m pasting from Word and then fucking off to bed lmao.

What was the last video message you received on your phone? I think it was a clip of Doris (Sara's beardie) eating and just being her perfect self? Was your last birthday cake homemade or store bought? Store-bought. One thing you miss about middle school? Shit, nothing. Middle school was the worst. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people? No. Have you ever entered an art competition? Yes. Would you ever pierce yourself? No. I am very much about having a professional do your body mods/art. Plus, I have tremors in my hands. Do you live in a safe neighbourhood? Supposedly. We haven't lived here nearly long enough to know. What is the last thing you did that shocked someone? /shrug Do you often find yourself questioning your future? Only always. Have you ever been for a ride in the back of a truck? Yeah. Do you like your license photo? I hate my permit picture. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favorite? Not very, but I like 'em enough. I always say my favorite is Deadpool, but I know he's technically an anti-hero, but whatever. If you don't include him, uhhhh... maybe Spiderman. Have you started watching any new TV shows recently? No. Have you ever been able pet a normally wild animal, like a tiger or dolphin? No. :( At least, not to my recollection. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. There's actually a winter treat 'round here that you make with snow and sugar called snow cream. Good stuff. What is the messiest area in your home? Right now, the spare room/my wanna-be "office." What’s your favorite computer game genre? Still horror, like video games. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? I'm completely financially dependent on them still. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I eat like, stupid fast, but without being messy. People *cough*Mom*cough* will absolutely point it out, but I seriously can't help it. Making a conscious effort to eat slow feels way too weird. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Tell me what's on your mind? I've been considering yet again reaching out to some tattoo parlors and asking if they're open to hiring someone to handle the front desk and take care of business besides actually performing piercing and tattooing, given my tremors. My group therapy has kinda been encouraging me to use the possibility for social exposure, and besides, I'm very comfortable in the environment and just general aura of tat parlors. I'm sure I'd have to answer the phone, handle money, and obviously talk to costumers, but I know and accept that. I've been at such a stagnant point with my social anxiety in particular that I have to start pushing back harder, and doing this I feel would be one of the most relaxed, social job positions I can hopefully handle. I don't dare to even try this though until I get vaccinated to protect my immunocompromised mom. Writing this all out has actually been pretty encouraging about this idea... Do you wish you never dated someone you dated? Yeah, Tyler. It was such a "I'm lonely and he was nice in high school, so we'll try it" situation. I got nothing from it. Are you scared of growing old alone? Pretty badly. What are you listening to right now? I'm listening to/semi-watching John Wolfe play the remaster of Resident Evil 2. What breed was the last dog you saw? He was a German shepherd. Would you ever go swimming during a thunderstorm? No. Any time a thunderstorm was brewing and I was in the pool, I'd always get out. What is the next concert you will attend? Mom and I plan to see Ozzy when/if he reschedules his tour after he had to cancel with his Parkinson's diagnosis. What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? Teddy. :/ What's the highest science class you have taken? I don't know, actually. What makes you squeal like a school girl? No shame, seeing Mark and Amy do something cute together actually does this, lmao. What’s your favorite symbol? (i.e. the pentagram, the cross, etc.) Do fictional ones count? Because in that case, the Halo of the Sun from the Silent Hill franchise. I'm getting it tattooed somewhere at some point, I'm thinking the left side of my neck. I'm either gonna fashion it in a way where it looks branded on or carved into me. Have you ever been on anti depressants? For all of my pre-teen, teen, and some of my adult life. Apparently, I've only had one truly educated psychiatrist out of no less than a dozen I'd seen, because he fixed me right up. He taught me that those who suffer from bipolarity should avoid anti-depressants; they ramp up your bipolar symptoms. Instead, mood stabilizers are favorable. And what do you know, after I was prescribed a stabilizer and a catalyst for that medication, my depression decreased dramatically and became handleable. Have you ever starved yourself? Kinda. What’s the stupidest name you’ve ever given a pet? I had a guinea pig named Harry Potter. For no particular reason lmao. I'm not even a Harry Potter fan. Do you have nice legs? God no. Do you like fedoras? Okay so I know I am in the strong minority, but I actually do, haha. What is your favorite food group? Carbs. @_@ Have you ever got told that you should be a model? No, but one of the most flattering indirect compliments I've ever gotten was being mistaken for one. Jason's phone wallpaper was one of my favorite pictures of myself with my first snake, and someone asked him if I was a model. ;v;' What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? "Donaukinder" by Rammstein is one of my faves. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? SOBS Darkiplier bc his origins are so damn tragic and unfair. What book do you think should be directed as a film? Was The Giver ever made into one? I don't remember that book well, but I do recall it being absolutely beautiful. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Yeah. I have thousands on the Silent Hill wiki, where I'm one of the admins. I'm also a content moderator at the Team Ico (Shadow of the Colossus devs) one. Every now and again I used to go on the meerkats wiki as well, where I mainly fixed the fucking nightmarish grammar. Very briefly, I edited at the Dragons of Atlantis wiki as well. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? Not very, but of course I still acknowledge the risk and am more conscious of hand washing and stuff. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, I don't actually use my Twitter, I don't have a personal Instagram... There may be more, idk. Is TikTok a "social media platform?" Because I don't have that, either. What was the name of the first porcelien doll you got? Never had one, given I was afraid of dolls as a kid. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "Decode." Would you be happy with a life without romance? To be entirely honest, I'd feel like I was missing something. Was your childhood happy? Mostly. What fundamentally matters do you? Love, kindness, peace, all that gooey stuff. Is true world peace ever possible? As much as I hate to admit it, I don't think so. The human population is far too big to come to a unanimous agreement on anything. Do you hold yourself to higher standards than you hold others? Yeah. Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No. I'm getting more into the idea of owning invertebrates (I jabber enough about wanting tarantulas, and there are others, like mantises, I'm interested in as pets), but black widows, I'm not into the idea of having. Too venomous for me to be comfortable risking. If you have a job, what is the longest shift that you've worked? N/A Do you know all of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody?" FUCK YES I DO. ^ Do you sing it with all of the different voices? sho nuff Do you own more than one copy of a certain book? No. Do you like interpreting poetry or just reading it for fun? Both. I love symbolism, so I get joy out of digging for subtle meanings in poems. Do you have a favorite Dr. Suess book? Yeah, it was always Green Eggs and Ham. Do you watch The Walking Dead? If so, favorite character? Not the show, but I've watched let's plays of the games, haha. In which case Clementine is inarguably one of the best female characters in a video game universe. Who has/had the most mature romantic relationship you’ve seen with your own eyes? Uhhh. I mean I never saw them much, but probably my late grandmother and her last husband. He was fucking incredible to her, and Grammy adored him as well. They helped each other so much and just obviously had the purest love between them. When was the last time you got something for free (legally)? What was it & have you enjoyed it so far? Lmao do balls in Pokemon GO count? Their occasional free boxes are the reason I can play the game because PokeStops are essentially non-existent here, so yes. What is the one fruit you can’t stand to eat? How about vegetable? The first one that came to me were oranges. I enjoy orange juice, but I just caaaaannot with the white veiny shit that you can't totally get off when peeling it. Without that, I might actually enjoy them, but idk. As for vegetable, asparagus is absolutely abhorrent. When’s the last time you actually recited the pledge? If you aren’t American, do/did you have anything similar in your country that you do during a time at school? Probably not since high school. Last person you shared food with? Ummm I have no idea. It's really just Mom and me here and we eat our own stuff. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I believe it waaas... "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson, maybe. If your life was a TV show, what would be the theme song? My inner high school emo just screamed "All Signs Point to Lauderdale" by AD2R. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Gahdamn, there's a lot. I don't feel like going through a mental list in my head and then describing why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? Vol'jin; I think the entire WoW fanbase will forever be pissed about it. It was THE most "lul we dunno what 2 do w/ him anymore, let's let a totally random, unnamed, unimportant demon kill him" like what the fuck, Blizz. Most of his "oomph" was in the book, and I just really wish they'd done so much more with him in the game. Has anything “cute” happened in the past week? Off the top of me noggin, no. When did you last say “I love you”? Did you mean it? Yesterday to Sara. OF course I did. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Hi, PTSD, how are ya. Have you ever slept all day? Essentially. When I was on a larger dose of my anxiety med, I physically couldn't stay up for barely even five minutes, and when I'd lie back down, boom, I was OUT. I stayed on that dosage for I think just that one day, it was so bad. Can you have kids? Well, I have a functioning menstrual cycle, so I would assume so. Doesn't mean I will, though. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Only black. Do you like eating sour things? Hell yeah, I love sour stuff, candy in particular. Do you like pickles? fuuuuck yeah Did you ever have a really close friend move away? Yeah, in elementary school. I feel bad I can't remember her name at the moment... What's the most creative thing you've ever done? I mean, I guess the things I've written in RP. What's the most creative thing someone has done for you? For me? I don't really know. Do you like to watch ghost-hunting shows? Sure, they're some of my favorites. What’s something you’d like to be better at? Social interaction. Have you ever stayed up to talk to someone who was sad? Yeah. Do you think you would make a good parent? No. I know I wouldn't. The only time I ever wanted kids was with Jason, and honestly, I really hope I don't end up with a man because I never want to deal with that urge again and make a mistake. I'm just in no way emotionally fit to be a mother. How many best friends do you have? Just one. What do you cry over the most? My PTSD, honestly. I never sob about it anymore, just shed some tears. What language did/do you take in high school? Latin for one semester, then all four available for German. Which sports do you follow? None. Who was the last person you talked about marriage or having kids with? About marriage, Sara. Kids, the subject was lightly touched upon with Girt, though "with" was never a part of it, but obviously implied seeing as we were dating with long-term in mind. Have you ever been in a house fire? No, thankfully. Have you ever made out for one straight hour? them is rookie numbers Are you any good at remembering phone numbers? No. I literally don't even know my own, nor my mother's. I need to fix that. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt. Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? No. If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Save it to go towards Venus' terrarium. Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? Well of course! I'm unashamed to watch any "kids" movie I enjoy, like Disney ones. Most "kids" movies tend to be better than those intended for adults, it seems... Are you afraid of mice? Oh no, I adore mice and I think had a pair as pets before I got rats. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I can't really answer this; I haven't gone on nearly enough vacations to develop a theme. I can say confidently though it'd probably be something small. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't enjoy musicals. Have you ever watched Doctor Who? One or two with Sara, yes. I know we at least watched the weeping angels episode. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Warriors by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes I wanna get back into them, but I am YEARS behind and more into Wings of Fire anyway, so. I don't read nearly enough for both. How do you get rid of your hiccups? Literally no trick seems to work for me. I just suffer lmao.

#survey #surveys #questions

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pasteljeon · 5 years

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Peppermint Mocha (m)

Summary: A week in the college life with seven boyfriends.

Pairing: Namjoon/Reader, Jin/Reader, Yoongi/Reader, Hoseok/Reader, Jimin/Reader, Taehyung/Reader, Jungkook/Reader

Warnings: fluff fest, you are advised to visit the dentist following consumption, sub!jungkook, sub!jimin, sub!taehyung, switch!hobi, sub!namjoon (ish), sub!jin, sub!yoongi, handjobs, cock rings, vibrators (anal), oral (male), dry humping, multiple orgasms

Length: 4.9k

Notes: WHEW i finally finished shdsskd i’m never using google docs ever again, formatting never saves and i had to manually fix the spacing and italicizing i’m scarred for life. i hope this lives up to expectations and i’m sorry it took so long but now i’m gonna disappear for a bit to do midterms lmao lmk what you think!!

College!AU - Film major!Jin (Master’s), photography major!Tae, graphic design & photography double major!JK, philosophy & history double major!Joon, performing dance major!Hobi, contemporary dance major!Jimin, music composition major!Yoongi, unspecified major!reader

Monday, 8:01 AM

“Baby.” A small moan escaped your throat as you snuggled in closer, chasing the warmth that tugged at you.

“Baby, you need to wake up.” Gentle fingers brushed at your cheeks and you nuzzled into the touch as palms cupped your face. “Baby.” Amusement laced his tone, and you knew he was smiling down at you.

Peeking through one eye, lips pouting as you lifted one finger to poke into those infuriatingly gorgeous dimples, Namjoon grinned. “Time for class, baby girl.”

Groaning, you let yourself drop back onto the mattress, watching as he stood. He was already fully dressed for the day, with dark washed jeans, a fitted black turtleneck, silver wristwatch and thin framed lenses that perched on his nose. You melted a bit when he leaned in to press a kiss against your temple. The man looked like he’d stepped out of a fall edition magazine. “Coffee’s on the table, see you at 2.” Namjoon grabbed his keys from the nightstand, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder as he made his forever timely morning exit.

“Namjoonie-hyung gone?” You hummed in response as you slipped from the bed, dropping a quick kiss to Jimin’s cheek as you made your way to the bathroom. “Where’s Kook?”

“Still sleeping,” he replied, trailing after you. You relaxed into his hold as you brushed your teeth, him resting his chin on the grove of your shoulder, arms wrapped snugly around your stomach. Moving through the remainder of your skin care routine, Mondays were always a little more bearable with Jimin playfully swiping cream onto your nose, running a brush gently through your hair as you washed your face.

“Remember to drink lots of water, Minnie,” you said as you smoothed back the fabric of his sweater. He kissed you softly, fingers tangling in your locks briefly before he let go, smiling. “See you tonight, jagiya.”

8:15 AM

The mattress dipped lightly as you stroked his cheek, biting back a grin at the plankboard position he liked sleeping in when he was alone. His nose scrunched as you nudged him, letting out a grunt as he turned his head.

“Kookie, it’s time to wake up,” you sang quietly, one hand slipping beneath his covers and running down the length of his bare chest, enjoying the ridges as you squeezed him gently.

He let out a choked gasp, eyes fluttering open instantly as he squirmed. Sleepy cocoa-coloured irises peered at you petulantly. “___ - ” He fell back with a strangled moan, voice thick with lethargy as you stroked him slowly.

“Morning, baby,” you cooed. His cock was heavy and throbbing, precum soaking the front of his boxer briefs as you thumbed his head. Yoongi often remarked at how much joy you took in watching the beautiful man fall to pieces so early in the morning, doe eyes watering as they begged you silently for release.

“___,” Jungkook whimpered, unable to resist thrusting into your touch as you twisted your wrist, your name escaping in a pained whisper. Wicked, his gaze murmured reverently.

“You know you love it,” you whispered, breath warm as you kissed along the curve of his neck.

“I love you,” he moaned, hips jerking as you milked him. You gave him one last squeeze, smirking as he blinked up at you hopefully, cock softening and twitching in overstimulation.

“Maybe later,” you promised, retracting your hand and wiping yourself down. Jungkook looked disappointed but nodded, sitting up. Cringing at the stickiness that stained his abdomen, he kicked off the blankets, yawning as he stretched.

“Join me for a shower?” He peeked at you coyly. You laughed, following him to the bathroom as he stripped down and waited for the water to warm. Washing your hands quickly, you leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Tonight. I’m already ready. Hobi dropped off some muffins. Want one?” You called over your shoulder.

“Is there any banana milk left?” Jungkook poked his head from the curtains, eyes wide with anticipation.

He ducked back down at your giggled response, grinning happily to himself as he reached for the shampoo.

8:20 AM

“What time will you guys be back today?” Jin asked as you zipped up your boots.

“5:30 ish,” Jungkook answered, propping the door open as he waited for you patiently. Shrugging on a jacket, you hugged the film major tightly.

“I’m cooking tonight. Bring back some glass noodles on your way back?” You pressed a kiss against Jin’s jaw. “Will do, babe.”

8:30 AM

“Another day, another one bites the dust.” You looked up, chewing on a chocolate danish, to see Ahri staring longingly at where a familiar mop of dark hair chatting in the line.

“What?” You said, swallowing. Your friend pointed at you accusingly. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. Seven of the most gorgeous guys to have probably walked this damn earth and they’re all devoted to a single girl. Unbelievable. And you’re just as oblivious as ever. The source of all envy.”

You blinked. “You mean Jungkook?”

The cafe bustled with motion, early as it was, and you finished off your snack as you watched the man in question chatter with two females you recognized from his photography class. Propping your chin up, you gazed at him fondly. “He is quite handsome, isn’t he?”

“You -” She groaned. “I can’t believe you.”

“Hey,” he reached up to thumb the corner of your mouth, wiping at the smear of chocolate, eyes crinkling as he smiled. He took the seat next to you, sliding a cup of jasmine tea across the table. “Thank you.”

“Careful, it’s hot,” he warned, though too late as you cringed back, pouting instantly. “Damn.”

Jungkook huffed a laugh, dabbing at your chin with some tissues before helping you clean up the table.

“You lucky girl,” Ahri sighed, shaking her head as she swept off to Stats.

Jungkook jogged along to catch up as he took his camera from you and slung it over his neck. “What was she saying?”

“Just the truth,” you replied, smiling as he shot you an adorably confused look, settling in the third row.

10:20 AM

It started drizzling halfway through the lecture and Jungkook insisted on swathing you in his triply oversized hoodie before kissing your cheek and parting ways at the Arts Building to his digital media course.

You waited in the atrium, sipping your now cold jasmine tea while scrolling through Tumblr, bag resting at your feet.

“Baby~” Warm arms cradled your body as you turned to see Taehyung’s familiar boxy grin.

“Hi Tae,” you said as you restrapped your bag. “How was Bogum today?” His digital editing professor was notoriously picky but everyone knew he had a soft spot for the outgoing and charismatic blond.

“Great!” Taehyung beamed. The two of you made your way to your shared class leisurely, his arm slipping around your waist as he held you close, matching your smaller strides despite his obvious height advantage. “I think he’s really going to like my next collection.”

“It’s looking fantastic already,” you hummed as you climbed the staircase. His voice was lilting as he teased, “That’s because you’re biased, jagiya.”

“Oh, Tae,” you said, peering up at him. His breath caught in his throat as he stumbled on a step, too fixated on the way your lashes framed your gorgeous russet orbs, the affection glowing in them had him reeling back. “He’s going to love it. I think it’ll surprise him a bit, but it’s so abstract and so you. Your collection embodies so much of who you are and how you see the world. How can anyone dislike something as pure as that?”

“___!” Taehyung blurted, clutching his chest. “Fuck, you can’t just do that! I wasn’t ready!”

You laughed aloud, hugging him hard as the students crossing you gave you a knowing smile. You waved back at them shyly. You’d forgotten how popular your boys were on campus, and how well known you all were.

“I love you, you know that?” He murmured, and suddenly his eyes were hooded and dark as he stared down at you, tongue coming out to swipe at his lower lip. You flushed, burying your face in his chest as his long fingers curled around your waist.

“Stop, Tae,” you whined, voice muffled. Taehyung grinned, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “Just teasing, baby. Though you know I’d love nothing more than to drop everything and fuck you senseless right here and now.”

You squirmed, even as you said breathlessly, “Bet you wouldn’t.” Taehyung had a streak of exhibitionism in him, evident in the countless times he’d taken you against the wall with all the boys hungrily drinking in the two of you, or at parties where he’d fingered you beneath the table, or that one time you’d ridden him in full view of the bar.

“I wish I could,” he admitted, drawing back slightly to ease the heat. His hand moved to rest at a more appropriate height as you resumed your walk. “But the lecture’s about to start and you know how anal Jimin and Namjoon-hyung will get if we missed it again.”

“That was all your fault,” you harrumphed. Taehyung pushed open the double doors and watched with a grin as you busied yourself with unpacking your notebook and printed slides. “You loved it, baby. Don’t lie.”

You shrugged. “I did, actually.”

12:20 PM

“What do you want to do for lunch today, baby? 8Island?” Hoseok pushed back his sweaty fringe, still patting himself down with a towel as he smiled up at from where you lounged on one of the black stage props set at the corner of the studio.

“What are you in the mood for?” You countered, popping another gushers from the packet you stole from Taehyung earlier. Wandering over, you fed the dancer one as he gave himself a quick shake, grinning when you recoiled from the stray droplets splashing onto your clothes.

“Hobi!” You complained. Hoseok laughed, catching your wrist as you shoved at his chest playfully. He dipped his head to kiss you slowly, his tongue ran over the seam of your lips lazily.

Just as his fingers trailed to grip the hem of your sweater, his stomach growled loudly.

“Fuck,” Hoseok groaned, releasing you reluctantly as his head fell to the crook of your shoulder in defeat. “Okay, yeah, food first.”

Triumphantly, you happily relinquished the last of your gushers to the disgruntled male as you rummaged in your bag for a hair tie.

Hoseok leaned against you, body lax as you ran a hand through his damp locks, combing gently before tying them a messy man bun.

“Let’s go to the cafe,” you said, helping him up. “I have to finish my essay.”

5:40 PM

“Welcome back, baby.” You dropped a kiss onto the film major’s offered cheek as you breezed past the open kitchen and collapsed onto the couch, your bag dropping like a tonne of bricks at the side.

“How was your day?” Wrestling yourself from Jungkook’s hoodie, you padded over to the laundry room to toss it in the basket before wriggling into a clean black pullover. It drifted mid-thigh and you smiled to yourself as you buried your face into the fabric, the faint lingering scent of Invictus, Yoongi’s favourite cologne, had you sighing happily.

“It was good,” you said finally as you climbed back onto the couch. “Profs went through practice midterms and I finished the first draft of my marketing proposal. Oh! And Tae wants you to take another look at his project and do another critique when he gets back today.”

Jin let out an audible groan at that, straightening from where he’d been searching for the bottle of soy sauce that seemed to have mysteriously vanished. “Not again. That boy is way too worried. How many times do we have to tell him it looks great before he stops biting his teeth and just hands the thing in?”

You tiptoed over to swipe a taste of the sauce he was mixing. “He just needs a little more confidence. Give it to him, will you baby?” Jin caught your waist as you tried to slip by, nipping at your fingers, his smile growing at the way your beautiful laughter rung in the space.

“Of course.” He peppered tiny kisses down the curve of your neck, biting down softly - not enough to sustain any real break in skin but enough to send you squirming away.

“How’s your thesis coming along?” You asked as you returned to your seat. Propping open your laptop and tearing open a new box of cookies from Jungkook’s (not-so-secret) snack stash. You’d cracked his code early on and would wheedle any of your lovers nearby with your infamous puppy dog eyes to fetch them from the very top cabinet the male put them in.

Not even Jungkook himself could resist your charms, often resigning himself to some silent grumbling and a pout that was easily solved when you kissed him with that beam of yours.

“It’s … coming along,” Jin answered with a sigh. “Looks like I’m going to have to ask Joon for some more ideas soon.”

“I’m home.” A familiar voice, edged with exhaustion and hint of crankiness, had you bounding to the door to meet Yoongi who was shaking out his mint-coloured locks from the rain-filled trek.

“Jagi,” he said, smiling tiredly. You slid your arms around him from where he’d unzipped his jacket, nuzzling his chest. The composition major shrugged off his coat carelessly, hanging it up to dry quickly before re-wrapping himself around you, a soft exhale whispering through your hair as he reveled in your warmth.

“Long day?” You asked.

“It’s always a long day without you baby,” Yoongi murmured. His lips twitched knowingly when you whined. It wasn’t often that he was this cheesy, but he had to admit he took great delight the way you’d flush every time.

“Wanna take a nap,” he said absently. “Join me?”

“Two hours max!” Jin warned from where he was preparing his ingredients for the night.

“Noodles are in the plastic bag next to my laptop!” You called as Yoongi tugged you into his room. As he drew the curtains, you exchanged his hoodie for a shirt, clambering onto the bed and crawling beneath the sheets.

His leg slipped between yours as he curled into you. You kissed his temple, smoothing over his tresses until his breathing evened out.

“Sweet dreams, baby.”

9 PM

The room was silent when you woke, darkness pressing on all sides as you rubbed your eyes.

You startled when you turned your head to see Yoongi’s dark-coloured orbs luminous in stray moonlight, watching you. He was propped up on one arm, his other resting at your hip.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” You whispered, yawning.

“You looked so peaceful,” he said softly, reaching up to tuck a stray tendril behind your ear. “Besides, hyung checked in and said they can wait another ten minutes.”

“How’re you feeling?” Your fingers twined with his, and he smiled, kissing your knuckles. “Better. A bit refreshed.”

“I’m glad,” you said drowsily. Yoongi couldn’t resist. You looked so adorable, still half-asleep, and he rolled on top of you, arms bracketing your face as he leaned down to kiss you. His lips were gentle, chapped but warm as he made out with you languidly.

I love you, he wanted to say, but his voice caught in his throat. You reached up, thumbing his cheekbones, and when he turned to nuzzle your palm with that conflicted look of his, you raised your head up to kiss him again, pressing yourself close against his heat as his arms came around to hold you fast. I know, your breath ghosted across his ear and he shuddered, pinning you down once more.

His chest rose and fell quickly and his heart seized. “I’m - you -” He struggled to speak, but you pulled him down until your lashes tickled his, and you said nothing as your lips moved to meet his forehead. Instead, his elbows collapsed and he crashed into you, head sinking to the crook of your shoulder, and you cradled him until he could breathe again.

Tuesday

9:20 AM

[09:21] ___💍: hi

[09:23] ___💍: i wanna suck your dick

Shit, his pants tightened instantly, and Jungkook shut his eyes briefly.

[09:24] baby bun 🐰: noona please, i’m in class!!

His fingers clenched, and he shifted awkwardly in his seat. The girl next to him - he’d already forgotten her name, they change on such a regular basis he didn’t even bother anymore, not that he cared enough to begin with - leaned over and whispered, “Hey, are you okay?”

“Uh - y-yeah,” Jungkook said weakly, edging away as he readjusted his laptop from where it rested on his thighs. He flipped his phone down, away from the girl’s sharply curious eyes, and tried to refocus back to the lecture.

[09:26] ___💍: bet you’d taste fucking delicious

[09:26] baby bun 🐰: noona, please!! don’t do this, i have a presentation next class and i don’t have extra pants!!

[09:27] ___💍: meet me at 1c12, rye hall

Jungkook swallowed thickly, fingers trembling as he typed his response.

[09:28] baby bun 🐰: okay

12:05 PM

“Well, someone looks like they had a good time,” Taehyung singsonged as Jungkook stumbled out of the room, knees weak and wobbly, expression dazed as he held the door frame to steady himself.

You followed, lips swollen, a satisfied smile playing on them as you stood on your tippy toes, leaning in to whisper something that had the arts major sucking in a breath as his eyes widened. Your hand squeezed his shoulder briefly before you nudged him.

The two of you watched with amusement as Jungkook dragged himself toward his lab, nearly smashing into a pillar on the way.

“I want a turn,” Taehyung said suddenly, amber orbs gleaming as he pulled you close. “Or, better yet, ride my face and I’ll make you cum ten times harder than you did him.”

��Cruel,” you said breathlessly as he shut the door behind him. He backed you onto the long lecture desks with dark eyes.

“And what you did to poor Kookie wasn’t?” Taehyung mocked. He gripped your waist, lifting you onto the table, and your ankles crossed behind his ass to push him flush to you.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” you murmured against his lips.

“Then trust me baby,” he suckled purpled blooms against your collarbone, “This won’t be the last.”

3:40 PM

You admired the side profile of your lover, his newly dyed silver locks swept to the side, the way he pushed his glasses up, squinting at the board.

“Why do you keep looking at me, jagiya,” Jimin whined under his breath, cheeks ripening as he darted a shy glance at you.

“Do I need a reason to stare at my beautiful boyfriend?” You shot back playfully. He blushed, biting his lower lip as he bent down to scribble something into his notebook.

Your hand crept to your phone, and you hid your grin when Jimin jolted, doubling over with a gasp.

“Fuck,” he whimpered, and from your angle, you could see the considerable tent he was sporting in his tight jeans.

“Hands off, baby,” you drawled, looking bored as you noted down slides.

“Noona, noona, please,” Jimin pleaded brokenly, trying to keep his voice down. Luckily, on these days, you’d very strategically occupy a back corner where it was suitably secluded and far from prying eyes.

His hands balled at his thighs, nails digging into his skin as he moaned shakily.

“Colour?” You murmured. He mewled out a timid green, and his head promptly fell to the table, eyes rolling back as you tapped the highest setting. His skin prickled, electricity arcing through his spine and he writhed in his seat, hips stuttering as he came dry.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Jimin cried, fingers trembling as he reached for you. “Please, noona!”

“Shh, baby,” you soothed him, brushing away the tears that had pooled at the edges of his eyes, “You’ll get your reward tonight. You’re such a good boy, aren’t you? A good boy for noona?”

Jimin nodded eagerly, sniffling lightly. “Jiminie’s a good boy! Jiminie’s the best boy, isn’t he?”

“Of course,” you said, kissing his temple. “The very best.”

6:20 PM

“You just love to wreck them, don’t you?” Hoseok mused from where he sat, thighs wide apart as he leaned back into the chair.

“I love to wreck you too,” you reminded him mildly. Jimin laid beneath you, he looked utterly fucked out, lips bruised and plump from abuse, body littered with lilac galaxies, cum painting the sheets.

You sank down on him and he keened, voice high and weak as he climaxed, your name like a prayer.

“Not today, baby.” His tone was guttural, arm snaking around your bare torso as he yanked your head up to meet his smoldering gaze.

“Today, I’ll be the one wrecking you.”

Wednesday

10 AM

“Uh -” Namjoon stared at you blankly. His nose was red and dry, throat itching.

He sneezed.

“I think I’m sick.”

8 PM

His door creaked open, a sliver of light illuminating his pale face as he peeked out from the room.

“Jagiya,” he called out faintly. You perked up instantly, abandoning your station next to Jin, the eldest crying out in indignation as your consol jerking accidently shoved his vehicle off the rainbow bridge.

“Hey baby,” you cooed, running a hand through his locks, matted with sweat. Namjoon leaned into your cool palm, moaning tiredly at the brief respite.

“Jin made some soup,” you told him. “You should get some liquids in you. Why don’t you take a hot shower while I make something light for you to eat?”

Namjoon nodded, wordlessly following your suggestion as he ambled off toward the ensuite bathroom.

“How’s he doing?” Jimin popped up next to you, eyebrows wrinkled worriedly. He peered into the pitch-dark room, eyeing the rumpled blankets and mountain of tissues piled on the drawer next the bed.

“He’ll be okay with a few days of rest and plenty of water,” you reassured him. “Hobi, will you grab the thermometer? I want to check his temperature before giving him any medication.”

In the background, you heard Jin curse loudly before throwing his controller onto the couch.

“Okay,” he declared. “I’m done with this shit. Give me the thermostat, Hoseok. I’ll be the one nursing Joon, you incompetent fools!”

Both you and Jimin raised an eyebrow, looking at the eldest dryly.

Jin shrunk back slightly. “Ah - except for you, of course, baby! You’re the only other 10 here, everyone else is still an 8!”

A loud sneeze rung audibly from the showers, and the film major took advantage of the momentary distraction to scamper to the kitchens to check up on his soup.

Hoseok returned shortly after, blinking as he held up the transparent measuring tool. “So … who’s doing this again?”

You sighed, taking it from him. “I am.”

Thursday

4:20 PM

“One grande cinnamon mocha and a venti coffee black, please,” you said distractedly, fumbling for your card. Yoongi chuckled beside you, already tapping his credit. “I got it.”

Your phone buzzed in your pocket as the two of you moved to wait at the side.

“Hi baby,” his voice croaked. You smiled, mouthing Namjoon at Yoongi’s wordless head tilt. “Hi. How’re you feeling? Any better?”

There was some shuffling, and you could tell he moved the speaker to the side to blow his nose. “A bit,” he said when he returned. “I miss you. When are you going to be home tonight?”

Your insides warmed at his clinginess, the kind that would only really appear when he was sick. He was so cute. “I just finished my last class. I promised Yoongi I’d visit the studio today though, so I’ll be back in an hour max, okay? Remember to drink lots of warm water and rest as much as you can.”

“Okay,” Namjoon said obediently. You chatted a little longer as you told him of your day thus far, your phone squished between your shoulder and ear as you sipped your drink.

“You should go home,” Yoongi said casually. Though he seemed concentrated in his task of carefully placing the plastic lid onto his coffee, you knew he was disappointed by the way his shoulders dropped slightly.

“He’ll be okay,” you said amusedly. The mint-haired composer looked surprised as you slipped your hand into his. “C’mon, babe. I want to hear the new track you’re working on!”

Yoongi smiled down at your intertwined fingers, a tinge of pink scoring across his cheeks. “... Okay.”

9:10 PM

“Hey.” Your voice was soft as you settled onto the bed next to him. Namjoon peered up at you blearily, throat sticky. Almost like you could read his forlorn expression, you raised a cup to his lips. He drank greedily, the lemon-honey mix working nicely to soothe his scratchy throat.

He eased back onto his pillow, eyes growing heavy already. Your fingers were gentle as you ran a warm towel against his sweaty skin. Namjoon drifted off, breathing a bit easier as you laid a cooler towel on his forehead. You tucked his comforter beneath his chin, smiling fondly as you stroked his cheek.

“How is he?” Jin murmured as you toed off your slippers. He lifted the blanket, allowing you to slide in as you rested your head on his chest.

“A few more days, I think. Still has a bit of a fever,” you replied. He answered with a thoughtful hum. “I’ll pick up some more greens tomorrow, then. Nearly out.”

Jin glanced down at you when there was no answer, only to find you sleeping soundly, chest rising and falling rhymically. He laughed breathily and kissed the top of your head. “See you in my dreams, princess.”

Friday

7 PM

“H-heeey.” You leaned back, one hand swirling the amber liquid in a red solo cup as you smiled at the familiar blond that staggered his way to you. He was smashed, that much was clear. It was rare to see him in such a state, but you belatedly realized his project must’ve been weighing on his mind more than they’d originally assumed.

“Hello, Taehyung,” you said, playing along.

“Y-you’re so pretty,” he slurred. He was grinning at you lopsidedly. “Do you have a - a boyfriend?”

“I do, I’m sorry,” you giggled at the crestfallen look on his face.

“Oh,” he said, disappointment thick in his tone as he hung his head. “S-sorry to bother you, then …”

“You’re an idiot,” you bit back another laugh when he pouted. “W-what do you mean?”

“C’mon,” You set your drink aside and grabbed his hand.

7:30 PM

“T-this is w-wrong,” he moaned, stammering as he arched into you, struggling to resist the pleasure running through his veins. The alcohol had him dizzy, head spinning as his hips raised to meet every thrust.

His arms were tied to his back with your thin scarf and he swore he saw stars when he came, cum painting your walls hotly as you fucked him through his orgasm.

“I-if your boyfriend ever breaks up with you, please text me,” Taehyung said breathlessly when coherent thought returned. His golden locks were dishevelled, body gleaming with sweat, system rich with mind-numbing alcohol, and yet -

“You’ll be the first to know, baby,” you promised. He smiled, as if satisfied, and closed his eyes.

Saturday

5 PM

The muted sunbeams warmed your bare skin and you floated in and out of consciousness, faintly registering the arm that tightened around your waist, cheek pressed against a hard plane.

“Fuck,” a rumbling timbre voice murmured. His finger thumbed your lower lip, tracing your smile. “I really cheated on you with you, huh.”

“Yep,” you giggled, popping the p as you buried your head further into him.

“Fuck,” Taehyung sighed. “I really am an idiot.”

Sunday

3:21 PM

The movie ran in the background, colours flashing and dialogue drowned by the shuffling of clothes and the soft, slick sounds of tongues. You swallowed Jin’s soft moan as you ground into him. His cock brushed against your clothed clit and his fingers pressed hard into your curves, hips canting as he desperately searched for friction.

“Need - need more,” Jin panted. “Fuck!” His hoarse shout had you clenching on nothing as he came, shuddering in oversensitivity as the fabric of his sweats caught at the tip of his softening length.

Jin kissed you tiredly. “I love you. Fuck, I love you so much.”

10 PM

Fingers stroked your forearm, limbs tangled with yours, lips pressed against your skin.

“Good night, baby.”

7K notes · View notes

aharris00britney · 4 years

Photo

ASKS 19

It’s 6am and Brandon woke me up when he got up to go to work so now... i answer asks bc i cant sleep.

@mileyzangel said: Can you please make a Harley Quinn hairstyle from both Suicide Squad and Birds of Prey?

I went and watched Birds of Prey the other night and it was really good. Brandon went to sleep I think tfgvhb. But I doubt I’ll try doing her hair from either of the films. @enriques4 is working on one for her Birds of Prey look if you are interested in that <3

Anonymous said: is tiny living worth it? im leaning towards the gameplay although i love cas. is the gameplay as bad as people say?

I honestly don’t think the new beds do anything. They’re... there. Lmao I think the CAS and buy items are very nice. If we get some cc murphy beds then that would make them a lot more usable tbh.

Anonymous said: how do you and ayoshi keep making some fantastic collabs?? y'all are literally the first people i go to when I make a fresh install and I can't wait to see what you do next

Anonymous said: AxA CC KINGS!!!

Anonymous said: you guys didnt have to snap like that on AxA

Anonymous said: I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PACK U AND AYOSHI DO PLEASE KEEP MAKING MORE

Anonymous said: another iconic ah00b x ayoshi collab YAS LESSGOOOO

We put a bunch of cc ideas (hair and clothes) in a discord server we have together and then work on the stuff together on call usually so each item is the way we both want me. Like for example i’ll be meshing the Ivy top while he works on texturing the ribbed version. We also only do collabs when they happen, we didn’t plan AxA 2019 or this new set, mainly just made cc starting in May and wrapped it up in July to release in August. Then this time we started making stuff late December and got most of it done by the time I got done with my break. Having a planned collab/deadline makes stuff less stressful and the stuff usually turns out better imo

Anonymous said: hi! ur sims are so prettyyyy what skin texture and eyes do u use?

Anonymous said: hi! wcif the eyes of the sim in the edit that Dogsill edited for you please? thank you!

Anonymous said: Hi! I really love the way your sims looks so, I was what skin and eyes you use?

I actually am changing my default eyes so I need to update my resource page soon ;n; but the skins they use are all listed for each sim on the resource page here

Anonymous said: you always name axa packs by the year but this one was named after a season those that mean.... 👀

We are wanting to do something in the fall, just not sure how our lives will be then ya know? There’s a chance that this will be the AxA 2020. Since we weren’t sure I didn’t want to label it that if 2 AxA’s release this year lmao

Anonymous said: what game is the pokemon thing you're playing!? pls help a guy out i'm in love with the art style

Pokemon Sword and Shield (I have shield) for Nintendo Switch. I’ll prob post more pics once I get some new shinies :P

@kristabunny said: lol is it bad that when I saw your Santana hair I read it as Satan Hair XD

tbhhhhh it was lowkey referencing that lmao. I made the hair in October for a speed meshing video and since it was around Halloween I was like “lemme give her an almost demonic name” also Santana from glee is a queen

Anonymous said: Tbh I absolutely adore your female cc but I LIVE for your male cc!!!

Thank you! lmao the only thing I can take full credit for is the AxA male hairs. I mesh the clothes for packs but ayoshi does the texturing for them.

Anonymous said: Could you have a go at the updo Dua Lipa has on the cover of her Future Nostalgia? The high bun with a flick in it and the strands of hair down the sides. Thanks if so :)

I’m not the biggest fan of the hairstyle tbh ;n; but we will see. (Physical is a serve, just saying)

Anonymous said: So ive never played pokemon before until my friend gave me a copy of pokemon moon. I love cats so of course my starter was a litten, but i had no clue about evolutions or anything like that. I was heartbroken when my cute litten turned into some big man cat :(

omg noooo ;n; yeah Litten is a cutie... incineroar is... well I got used to him tbh and kind of like him now? I absolutely hate scorbunny’s evolution (and most of the SWSH starters final evolution) so I think that made incineroar slightly better in my eyes. My shiny litten will be staying a kitten however :)

@multifandom-slytherin said: Hello! I love your cc! Would it be possible for you to make the bangs from your Bree Hair a separate accessory that you can put with other hairs (for example the BG low ponytail)? Thank you so much!

Anonymous said: have u considered making or allowing someone to make an acc version of your handmade bangs?

I have thought of doing accessory bangs tbh, I just like... don’t like using accessory bangs myself. So I’m not sure if I’ll end up doing it. I might try it for myself and see how many hairs they work with, and if it is a decent amount I’ll release.

Anonymous said: First off I want to say how amazing all of your hairs and collabs are! Second I was curious if you ever thought of going back to your old hairs and updating their thumbnails / display indexes so they matched your stuff now?

I really really wanted to have all my 2019 hairs updated by 2020. It was only January 2019-April 2019 that needed updated (thumbnails and display indexes). But I just lost motivation for doing it. I will focus on it next time I have a big break from school. Also planning on updating select stuff from 2018 and 2017.

Anonymous said: please put Sophia Barker in the gallery. PLEASEEEEE it's the most beautiful sim I EVER seen! >:3 PLEASEEE!!!!!!!!!!

She should be on there? I think? Make sure you have CC enabled and if you can’t find me through the gallery her tray files are here

Anonymous said: Hi! After the recent patch I started having a small issue with Bree hair(without bangs), when I zoom out it looks like a completely different hair, something similar to that one basegame hair that's layered with tips pointed outward but longer. Thought I'd let you know, maybe others have had a similar issue or maybe I need to change a setting or something. Love your work so much!

Really surprised this is the first time someone told me about this lmao. The hair should be updated now on SFS/Patreon <3

Anonymous said: I tried to look around for this on your "Asks" portion before bothering you (so sorry), but do you have a link perhaps for all the lips you use on your models? Are they in game or a cc you create? Thanks so much! Love all of your work! I'm super new to cc stuff and I found yours like 2 days ago and have been going nuts with downloads lol

like presets? None of my cc models use a lip preset. I do use this slider on some of them though. For lipsticks, that is listed for each model on my resource page <3

Anonymous said: i’ve been looking for a hair like lexi that i actually like forever and now i find it but it’s for paterson peeps and i’m like actually broke and i’m like :/

im sorry ;n; at least it wasn’t too long of a wait? :/ I hope you liked the hair

Anonymous said: I can't find your jisoo ponytails in your downloads?

they’re in my retired section... may they rest in peace. scroll to the bottom of my downloads and youll see ‘RETIRED.’ click that for the retired download page.

@eclypt-0-sims said: Hi, I recently started making MM hair and I know you're probably an expert at this but; every time I go into CAS to test a hair, all of my accessories clip with the hair. Like the hair texture would cover some glasses if my sim was wearing glasses. I don't know how to fix it, someone told me to delete an eye weight in blender but I don't really understand weight painting that much, any suggestions? love your content btw

this is a late as hell reply i’m sorry. I think that you have texture where the glasses texture would be. Hair texture should only be in hair section or hat section (if you don’t want it hat compatible). Here is a UV map layout that I use for making hair textures. It shouldnt have anything to do with weights

Anonymous said: Do you use reshade when you take previews for your cc? and also is the tropical punch ombre overlay a palette or did you make it?

I do use reshade when I take cc previews. It adds a bit of saturation to my sims and gives them some shadows under their chin/clothes. Nothing major. Also, myself and @imvikai came up with the tropical punch palette together.

@little-eris said: You probably have answered this before but who drew your tumblr icon? I’ve seen the same art style with other simmers 👉🏼👈🏼 it’s super cute!

thank you! here is their twitter

Anonymous said: The male sim in your Tiny Living review looks soo familiar; was there inspiration from anyone IRL? The person he reminds me of isn't even famous so I don't even know! He is very pretty though *-*

He was a gallery sim that I just revamped a bit so I’m honestly not super sure lmao. But he is very attractive yes I agree

that concludes this ask ceremony please collect your things and move to the exit to your left. fvghbjn if you sent something I didn’t answer and it was off anon I’ll get to you soon (person who asked what beards I used for AxA... I see you)

#asks #not me spending an hour doing this #im actually kinda tired now but do i sleep #or do i just stay up... i have class at 12 #it is 7am now

63 notes · View notes

zigtheeortega · 4 years

Text

day 24: loss | liam x mc (au)

title: disruption

pairing: liam x mc

@choicesfebruarychallenge | @bi-cookie ; @cxld-play

warnings: angst, smut, n*sfw, (18+)

word count: 5,764

song inspiration: if i ever feel better - phoenix

author’s note: first off, i’m not good at naming characters like at all, so elliott is just a placeholder bc i knew mc would look weird. second, i haven’t written an au choices fic yet, so i’m a lil nervous to post this! I’ve also never written liam before, much less smut for him, so i’m also nervous bc of that! this will probably be my only trr fic bc there are sooo many trr fics out there. lmao anyways, hope you enjoy this angsty smutty sad fic !

“We’re almost there, Elliott,” Bastien called to the backseat, startling her out of her sleep.

She rubbed her eyes and stretched, slipping her coat she’d been using as a blanket over her shoulders, zipping it up to her chin.

Lythikos had an intense frigidity to it, one that Elliott couldn’t forget. She only visited monthly for short periods of time, but the stinging sensation of the snow on her bare face never left her memory.

She checked her phone, her heart fluttering at the pseudonym that appeared on her phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey. I’m finishing up my last obligation, but I shouldn’t be longer than an hour.” His voice warmed her heart. It was the first time in weeks she’d heard it over the phone, not on television in a rehearsed speech.

“Okay. I brought some of my work with me if that’s alright with you. I’d love your feedback,” Elliott smiled to herself, treasuring her lover’s genuine interest in her new profession.

“Of course,” she could hear him beam through the phone. “I love you.”

“I love you too. See you soon.”

He hung up, and she sighed. Sneaking around was getting so tiresome, but she’d do anything and everything for Liam.

After Elliott and her friends couldn’t locate Tariq, the wedding went on as scheduled. It took her months of hiding out in Cordonia with her best friends to get herself together. Hana stayed by her side consistently, consoling her until she figured out a game plan.

She thought she’d be able to find a solution and live out her fairytale, but she was too late. She’d never be able to fully have Liam like she wanted, but Madeleine offered her a compromise to keep everyone happy.

She’d brought it up to Elliott before everything went to shit, and Elliott rejected it. She saw being a ‘mistress’ as an insult, because she knew she could find a way out of the mess she was in.

Months later, Madeleine, Liam, and Elliott ran a tight ship with friends to keep the affair under wraps.

Elliott could only meet with Liam once a month, under the guise that he had important monthly meetings to attend at Olivia’s home. They could only meet for a weekend at best, and a few hours at worst.

They rarely contacted each other between their meetings. It was depressing, but necessary to keep them a secret. Liam had a burner phone, and Elliott had to save his number under an undetectable moniker. When they spoke, it was short and sweet, and they couldn’t use each other’s real names.

She flew to Cordonia monthly, usually having to go to great lengths to disguise herself from the paparazzi.

It was emotionally draining and everything leading up to the rendezvous was stressful and tense, but all worth it when she saw Liam’s face light up when he first saw her.

Bastien pulled into the driveway behind the castle, easing up next to a side entrance that Elliott was all too familiar with – she knew Olivia would be waiting behind the large door.

She fixed her wig, pulling her beanie over the top of it, and hid her purple-rimmed eyes behind huge square sunglasses.

“Olivia informed me that you can go to the door. I’ll bring your bags in later. There aren’t any paparazzi in sight, so you’ll be safe,” he smiled at her through the rearview mirror, a sympathetic look in his eyes.

“Thank you so much, Bastien. I could never repay you for what you’re doing for Liam and I,” she replied gratefully, apology laced through the tone in her voice.

“Anything you need, I’m here. Don’t feel guilty. The only time he’s happy is when he sees you, and I’d never get in the way of that.”

Her heart swelled at the thought. She waved to him, stepping out into the blizzard.

The door cracked open, and Elliott spotted the fiery hair before her expression.

“Come in, come in,” Olivia frowned at her messy disguise. “That wig’s a mess, Elliott. If you’re gonna opt for a cheap, frizzy wig, at least hide a pocket knife in it.”

Elliott shrugged, grinning at Olivia’s annoyance. “Why should I do that when I have my best friend here to protect me?”

Olivia scowled, a hint of a smile on her lips. “You’re lucky I’m your ally.” She turned on her heel and stalked down the hallway, leaving Elliott scurrying to catch up.

Elliott had gotten pretty familiar with the underground tunnels of Lythikos over the past year. Olivia secretly renovated an unused area to make an apartment-like cluster of rooms, so that Elliott could stay safely in the tunnels with everything she needed, and she wouldn’t be bothered by anyone.

It was an ingenious idea, and Elliott had no idea how to pay her back for her generosity. Honestly, Olivia probably did it to avoid controversy, like most every noble was doing. Elliott wasn’t sure if Olivia was doing it for the sake of Cordonia’s image or the sake of her friends’ sanity.

Olivia pulled out a skeleton key and unlocked the door, turning on the lights. “I added a more comfortable bed, some more decorations, and got Bastien to fully stock the fridge, so you can cook pretty much anything you want.”

She walked over to the living room area and pointed at the T.V. “I didn’t have to get a 60 inch flatscreen for you, but I know how much you love binging horror movies that I had to help scare you somehow.” She smirked, and pulled out a few drawers from the T.V. stand. “I ordered a hundred or so movies in case you get bored. I have no idea how long you’re gonna be here.”

Elliott shifted her weight, sighing. It was too painful to stay longer than a couple of days. “I was gonna leave on Sunday like I usually do –”

“How asinine. You’re taking a 9 hour flight on a Thursday night to get here by morning, and you take another 9 hour flight back on Sunday morning? You’re wearing yourself thin for no reason, Elliott,” she shook her head at Elliott, confusion lining her expression.

“Liam usually can’t spend more than 2 days at a time with me.”

“You have other friends in Cordonia, you know that right?” She narrowed her eyes at her, crossing her arms.

“After all that happened, I can’t show my face here. My reputation is tarnished, and even being seen here is a scandal waiting to happen. It gets riskier and riskier every time. I can’t risk any of my friend’s well-being for the sake of my secret relationship,” Elliott plopped onto the couch, defeated.

Remorse flashed through Olivia’s eyes, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. “None of this is your fault, Elliott. We know the truth.”

Elliott shook her head, a lump forming at the back of her throat. It didn’t matter that Justin and Adelaide were ousted as terrorists, and that Elliott’s friends were able to stop them from assassinating Liam and Madeleine.

Tariq was never found, and King Constantine was killed before he could clear her name. No one would believe Bastien, and Penelope was too afraid to publicly admit her wrongdoing, so Elliott didn’t have enough evidence to be exonerated.

“Sometimes… I wish everything were different. Maybe if we’d split up and searched on our own… or if I tried a little harder…” She struggled, her throat burning, a sign of tears to come. She didn’t want to talk about this situation any more than she had to, which was every time she visited.

Her new life was pretty much an escape from the events of the past year, but she was forced to face her past trauma head on every time she stepped foot on Cordonian soil.

“Elliott…” Olivia trailed off, and reached towards her, but dropped her hand. “I’m sorry I brought it up. I guess I’m still seething over the whole ordeal. I’m pretty defensive since I know we’re right but no one else knows that.” She sat down, leaning back onto the couch, crossing her legs. “You shouldn’t feel like you’re risking our social standing or anything. All of us know exactly what we’re risking to help you and Liam, and we’re okay with it. You’re our…” She whispered the last word and Elliott couldn’t quite hear her.

“I’m your what?”

“...friend.”

Elliott threw her arms around Olivia, relishing in the rare vulnerable moment. Olivia seldom showed her true feelings, but when she did, it was like watching a shooting star. It was beautiful, fleeting – a great memory nonetheless.

“Get off of me, you sap,” Olivia patted Elliott’s back with the tip of her fingers.

“Thank you for everything you’re doing. I seriously can’t thank you enough. If there’s ever anything I can do to repay you all, please tell me. I owe you a lifetime of favors.”

“Well, first, you can actually spend time with Hana, Drake, and Maxwell. They won’t shut up about you.” Olivia rolled her eyes.

“Deal. I never got to see Cordonia on my own time, so maybe you could give me a proper tour of Lythikos next time I’m here. You know, when I’m not banished to the cellar.” Elliott grinned.

Olivia laughed once, a delightful noise. “Sure, but you’ll need better snow gear. And take a self-defense class or two before you do so.”

Elliott quirked a brow at her friend, then shook her head. “I won’t even pretend to know what you have planned for me.”

Olivia stood up, and headed for the door. “You have no idea.” She opened it, and before leaving, she said, “Liam should be here soon. Let me know when he’s in the room so Bastien and I can keep watch.”

“Be careful, Liv.”

“Don’t call me that,” Olivia smirked, and closed the door.

----

Elliott spent the next hour working in her notebook, editing and rewriting paragraph after paragraph. An animated movie she’d seen a million times played in the background, prompting Elliott to hum along to her favorite song.

After another hour, she started to worry. She aimlessly flipped through the collection of DVD’s, not really paying attention to the titles.

Where’s Liam? She thought, an uneasy feeling forming in the pit of her stomach.

After hour three, she read a little from a book she’d brought until her eyes started getting heavy.

She awoke to a sequence of 5 sharp raps on the door, followed by a pause, then 3 more.

Our secret knock, She thought. She shot up from the couch and ran to the door, happy tears already welling up on her bottom lids.

She fumbled with the lock, anticipation causing her to shakily rip open the door.

And there Liam stood, holding a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of champagne, and a neatly wrapped present. His perfectly tailored suit laid perfectly on his arms and torso, his muscles just barely concealed. He beamed, his eyes glistening as his eyes grazed over her face.

She grabbed him by the lapels, pulling him inside hastily. “Whoa,” he said, nearly losing balance.

Elliott blushed, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing his face close to hers. She pressed her lips softly on his, a picture perfect moment she snapshotted and tucked away in her favorite memories.

All of the anxiety she felt traveling in disguise melted away the moment she touched Liam.

“I missed you,” he murmured against her lips.

“I missed you more,” she breathed, snuggling into his neck.

After a sweet moment, she pulled back, and snatched the champagne from his hands. “What’re we celebrating, love?”

He grinned, and locked the door behind him. “It’s a momentous day, Elliott. It’s been a year to the day since we first met.”

Elliott looked at him lovingly, hugging the bottle to her chest. “A whole year?”

He nodded, setting the flowers and present on the table, and gathered Elliott in his arms, hugging her to his chest tightly. “A whole year. I know this situation isn’t ideal, but I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, Elliott.”

He used a finger to tilt her chin to him, and he pressed a soft kiss on her bottom lip. “You’re everything to me.”

“I love you so much, Liam.” She giggled, shaking her head. “From waitress to mistress. Same suffix, different job title.”

His smile wavered, and he exhaled a long breath, obviously uncomfortable with the joke she’d told. “I wish you’d stop putting yourself down like that. Marriage is just a title. Madeleine and I are just business partners. You’re my soulmate, Elliott.”

She pulled back, fiddling with the top of the champagne. “I know. I just wish we didn’t have to be so secretive.”

He gently took the bottle from my hands and popped it open. “I’ve still got local historians and lawyers on my payroll, and they’ve been extensively researching Cordonian laws. I don’t know if they’ll find anything, but I’m determined to keep looking. I don’t want to lose hope.”

Elliott pressed her mouth into a line, then quirked it to the side, processing everything he’d said. “I want to be hopeful that we’ll get out of this eventually, but I’d rather just enjoy the time I have with you, baby. Stress free.”

He poured them two glasses of champagne, and handed one to her. “Of course. My apologies.”

They sat at the kitchen table, and Elliott picked up the flowers, taking a deep whiff of the bouquet. “You really outdid yourself this time, Liam.”

The cluster of sunflowers, lavender, and white roses contrasted beautifully, and smelled even better. “They reminded me of you, so I had to pick them up.”

“Along with a gift?” She lifted a brow, challenging him.

He sipped his champagne, trying to hide a smile. “I think you’ll like it. Open it.”

She ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a plain white box. She lifted the top off, revealing an assortment of toys on top of a lacy lingerie piece. Her cheeks heated, and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I love it,” Elliott said, nibbling at the skin on her lip.

Liam eyed her lips, a playful look in his eye. “I thought we could try something new this weekend.”

The blush on her cheeks stayed, despite her eagerness to get in bed. “I like the sound of that.”

She gulped down the rest of her champagne and snatched the lacy piece, running to the bedroom.

“Hey!” Liam called, about to stand from the table.

“I’m trying on the lingerie! Stay where you are! It’s a surprise!” She yelled through the closed door.

Elliott emerged after a few minutes, peeking her head out of the door. “You ready?”

“Beyond ready, my love.”

She stepped out, and Liam’s breath hitched in his throat. She could plainly see him shift his legs, desperately trying to conceal his bulge.

“You look… stunning. Absolutely gorgeous, Elliott,” he said, his mouth agape, eyes hungrily roaming across her body.

The strappy lace piece fit like a bikini. The bottom was closer to a g-string than a thong, and the crotch was cut out, making it for easier access. The lace was sheer, barely covering her nipples and folds. She should’ve felt sexy, but was more out of place than anything.

“This is so corny, Liam. You bought me something that you’re just going to strip off of me, and I look absolutely ridiculous in it,” She said, crossing her legs to cover the lack of cloth around her opening.

He stood from his chair and crossed the room to touch her. He laced his fingers through her hair and draped his other hand across the small of her back. He tilted her head back, kissing her neck and nipping gently at her exposed skin.

“You’re right. I want to rip this off of you, but I can’t even begin to describe to you how arousing this outfit is. You never have to wear something that you’re not comfortable in, but I assure you it’s a pleasurable experience on my end,” he breathed into her ear, tightening his grip around her waist.

“Oh fuck,” She whispered, his bulge rubbing against her, causing her to gasp in repsonse. “Please, let’s talk later, and fuck now. I need you now, Liam.”

“Say no more, beautiful.” He swept her up and brought her to the bedroom, slamming the door behind them with his foot.

He dropped her onto the bed, and shimmied off his coat jacket, hanging it on the back of the wall.

“You’re so adorable, Liam. In the midst of a heated moment, you still have the mind to hang your coat up carefully so that it doesn’t crease before fucking my brains out,” she giggled.

Liam scrunched his nose up in confusion. “I can be reckless.” He threw his coat on the ground, but after a few seconds of eye contact with Elliott, where she could tell how absolutely tormented he was, he snatched it by the lapels.

Elliott howled with laughter as Liam hung it up carefully, brushing off the dirt.

“You always manage to be right, Elliott,” he softly smiled, unbuttoning his top buttons slowly. “But I don’t mind.” His arms flexed as he rolled his sleeves up. “As long as you don’t mind that I’m a little reckless in private, that’s all that matters.”

Her heart raced as he left the room and returned with the box of toys. Although she’d committed Liam’s body and their sexual encounters to memory, she still found herself enthralled with him like it was the first time they met.

He sat on the bed next to Elliott’s lace-clad body, and tucked a hair behind her ear. “Are you okay with me trying some of the toys out on you? I want to make sure you’re completely comfortable with it before trying anything.”

She smiled, nodding. “Yes.”

He pulled a small handheld vibrator out of the box, just small enough to fit on a finger. “First things first, I want to taste you.”

Her lower stomach clenched and ached as he grabbed her thighs and pulled her to the edge of the bed, parting her legs. Before she could throw out a sexy quip, he had taken advantage of the crotchless design by plunging his tongue into her folds, stroking relentlessly.

She moaned and dug her hands into his hair, tugging at his dark strands. He in turn rumbled against her clit, sending shockwaves through her body.

“Liam, please,” she breathed, feeling his hand on her stomach, holding her bucking hips in place.

He knew exactly what she wanted; he always read her cues perfectly. He slid a finger into her, curling it the way Elliott loved. He moved his hand and tongue in unison, the similar paces bringing her close to the edge.

Just as she was about to release, he pulled away, slipping the vibrator on his fingers. “Is it alright if I try this out on you now?”

She nodded, her body eager for his touch. He massaged her clit slowly with his fingers, keeping in time with the laggard pace of his other fingers pumping in and out of her.

The strong vibration mixed with the pressure of his fingers sent Elliot into another world. Her eyes rolled back, and she focused on the image of Liam’s naked physique, his head between her legs…

Before she knew it, her legs were shaking. Liam kissed her softly, and reached into the box again, but she placed a hand on his wrist lightly. “We have all weekend to play with them. I need you in me now.”

His pupils dilated even further, and he nodded, standing up to slip off his clothes. Although she’d seen him bare numerous times, it never failed to amaze her that the man whose heart belonged to her was so breathtaking. His body looked as it was crafted by the gods themselves, chiseled to perfection, undoubtedly due to his strict fitness and diet regimen.

He grabbed a condom from the box of toys, but before he could tear it open, she stopped him. “Could we… go without one this time? I’m on birth control.”

She wanted so desperately to tell him the whole truth, but she decided she’d wait until the time was right. It would sound like an irrational decision to him, but she had thought it out nearly every day since she left Cordonia for the first time.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, but… I’ll pull out. Just in case.” He looked unsure, but lowered himself onto the bed next to her anyways.

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I just thought,” she shook her head. “Nevermind.”

“No, please continue. Don’t ever feel like you can’t be honest with me, Elliott.” He touched her cheek softly.

“The only time we had sex without protection was our first time in the garden, remember?” She smiled softly, reminiscing.

“Of course I remember, my love. It’s one of my favorite times that we’ve been together.”

“Oh, so you’re ranking them now?” She smirked.

“Definitely not. Every time is special, but that one was even more special to me.”

“I was thinking we could kind of recreate the night.”

His eyes twinkled, full of love for the woman he could never fully give himself to. It was depressing, but Elliott pushed those thoughts behind her horniness and flipped on top of him.

“I love when you take charge, El,” he said, his voice verging on a growl.

“You’ve never used that nickname. What gives?” She tried joking, but his bare shaft pressed between her legs was distracting to say the least.

“I don’t know, I thought it was cute,” he shrugged. “I won’t call you that if you don’t like it.”

“No, I love it,” she breathed, and began grinding her hips against his. His grip on her hips tightened, and she leaned forward, kissing him deeply.

He grabbed his dick and rubbed his tip against her opening, teasing her. “You’re a tease.”

He pressed his hips upwards, entering her. Her body shuddered with pleasure as her walls adjusted to his size.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he groaned, as her hips moved lazily against his.

“It’s so weird hearing you curse, King Liam,” she whispered in his ear, kissing his neck.

His fingers dug into the flesh of her hips. “I’ve never been aroused by a title before, but I have to say that ‘King Liam’ sounds delectable coming from your lips.”

He moved his hands to grip underneath her ass, lifting and lowering her the length of his shaft. She mewled in response, her legs tightening their grip around his middle. “I’ll call you whatever you want as long as you speed it up,” she purred.

He picked up the pace, deepening his thrusts. All of her worries of the future were a fading blip, her sole focus on pleasuring and being pleasured by Liam.

Before she knew it, he’d flipped her, raised her hips, and pounded into her from behind. “Oh,” she cried, her guttural moan muffled by the thick down pillow.

He sped up, his skin smacking against hers relentlessly, the sounds of ecstasy filling the room. She turned back to gaze at him through half lidded eyes, and was met with Liam’s sultry concentrating face. She’d seen it many times before, when discussing security issues with Bastien, but never in this context.

She felt herself getting wetter and wetter at the sight of him getting off inside of her. She was the one pleasuring him behind the scenes. She was the one exploring parts of him the public would never see, much less Madeleine. She got to see a side of Liam that not a single soul would ever experience. It gave Elliott a new sense of security, despite the harrowing situation they were in.

He reached into the box again and grabbed a handheld vibrator she hadn’t seen before. “I’m close, my love, and I want to make sure you’re there with me,” he panted, before switching it on.

He tried handing it to her, but instead, she guided his hand between her legs. “Oh fuck, El,” he cursed, sweat trickling down his clean shaven chest.

He leaned over her, keeping his fast pace, and placed the quivering toy between her folds. She arched her back in response, pushing herself further into the pillow.

The sensation of the vibrator mixed with getting fucked brought her to the edge quickly, and she released, her body convulsing beneath Liam’s. She shrieked his name, clutching the sheets. “Oh, Liam, fuck.”

He quickly followed her, his pace becoming more jerky as he came with her. “Fuck, I love you, Elliott,” he shouted. The deep commanding bass of his voice reverberated off the stone walls.

When they could finally move, Liam plopped next to her, spooning her while peppering soft kisses across her neck and shoulders.

She couldn’t have imagined herself anywhere else in that moment but Liam’s arms.

----

After they cleaned up, Elliott threw on a robe and flopped onto the couch, turning on the TV to browse through channels.

He sat next to her shortly after, clad with sweats and a plain t-shirt. “This might be a terrible time, but we need to discuss something rather difficult.”

“That phrasing definitely scares me, but go ahead,” she joked, turning the TV off.

“We’re being pressured to pursue producing an heir,” Liam shook his head, pain and regret dripping off of his every syllable.

“Wh… What?” She forced out. Her knees wobbled, the air knocked out of her lungs. She knew it was coming, but not this soon after the wedding.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his hands balled into fists at his side.

“Why? You just got married! I thought we’d have a couple years at least!” she said, her voice hiking up an octave.

“With Constantine passing away and the terrorist attacks, there’s still some uneasiness within the people and nobles. They’re not sure that we’re still stable as a country. It’s more for the benefit of our image than anything. Trust me, I’ve held off as long as I could.” He couldn’t meet her eyes.

“Are you going to have to fuck her?” Elliott’s voice quivered, her breath unsteady. She didn’t know if she was ready for the answer.

His eyes widened. “No, Elliott, I would never. We don’t have feelings for each other like that. The public doesn’t need to know that we’re not having intercourse.”

Elliott’s chest loosened a bit, but she was still cautious as she waited for him to continue. “We’re either opting for adoption, or artificial insemination. There’s not a fertility issue with either of us, but we’re both not capable of sex with each other. It just can’t happen.” He held her gaze, pleading with her to understand.

“I–I can’t continue this if you’re going to have a child with her, Liam. I’d be a homewrecker. I can’t let you be that kind of dad to your kid,” Elliott shook her head, tears freely falling.

His jaw dropped, and he staggered back. “Elliott, my love, I–”

“I know you love me, and I know that I love you. I know that life is going to be so fucking hard without each other, but I can’t do this to your future kid,” she sobbed, sinking into the couch. “You and Madeleine may have consented to our relationship, but your child didn’t sign up for this. Imagine if they found out about us? He’d think so little of you. I can’t have that.”

Her shoulders shook, her breath heaving in and out of her lungs shakily. She was experiencing a loss like she’d never felt before. She could stay with the love of her life in order to satiate her desire to be with him, but at the expense of horrendous guilt, knowing she could possibly break a family up and warp Liam’s future child’s perception of him.

If they stayed together, and the public found out about them, he’d be painted as the bad guy, even though Madeleine encouraged the affair. She’d throw him to the wolves, and he’d be absolutely obliterated by the press.

There wasn’t a winning solution to this problem. They were going to have to do what was best for everyone else, instead of what they truly wanted.

“I’m so sorry, Liam, but I can’t do this. I love you, but I can’t do this anymore,” she repeated and the excruciating pain in her chest continued.

“Elliott, we can figure it out, I know we can–”

“We can’t, Liam! This is it! This is the last time you’re going to see me!” She shouted, her voice trembling and unstable.

“We can still be friends,” he said softly, kneeling next to her trembling form on the couch. “I still want you in my life no matter what, Elliott.”

Anger flashed through her disjointed train of thought. Before she could gather them together, she unleashed her momentary rage on him.

“You’re really that selfish, Liam? You’re that fucking selfish that you could want to maintain the picture perfect life and get everything you could ever want, while keeping me on a short leash? To be there for you emotionally, physically, sexually, but I get nothing in return?” She stood up, pushing an accusatory finger into his exposed chest.

“I have to work under a pen name because of everything that happened. You can’t even Google my government name without reading about how much of a whore I am. I risked my whole life and career to be with you, and you didn’t have the decency to publicly defend me. You just sided with everyone else except for the woman you supposedly ‘love’,” Elliott continued, pushing a tormented Liam closer and closer to the door.

“I have to fly back home when you’re done with me and leave all of my closest friends. This is my real home. I have people who love me and care for me here. I fell in love with Cordonia, its people, and you. But I’m pretty much a prisoner in a dungeon every time I come over,” she rolled her eyes, refusing to shut her mouth and let Liam speak. “All for sex. All for a quick fuck and less than 48 hours of your time before I’m shuttled off back to the cold, heartless city of New York.”

Liam opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Elliott suddenly cackled, cutting off any attempt of him speaking.

“I forgot to tell you that I landed a book deal with a huge publishing company in the city. They want a few novels out of me. They loved my first rough draft of my book so much that they offered me a multi-book deal,” she smiled, shaking her head.

“That’s incredible, baby–”

“I was excited to tell you and instead all I can think about is how by the time I get my first book printed and released, you’ll have a kid. A family,” Elliott walked away from Liam, and sat at the kitchen table, taking a long swig from the champagne bottle.

After a long moment of silence between them, Liam finally spoke. “I know it seems like the universe is fighting us tooth and nail. I know that this situation is the worst we could be in. But Elliott,” he sat down across from her and lifted her chin up with his finger, “You’re the only woman I’ll ever love, and I won’t give up on this unless you tell me to leave you alone.”

“You know I don’t want to tell you to leave me alone. That’s the last fucking thing I want to do, but that’s how it has to be. You’re being selfish right now, Liam. You’re allowed to be selfish sometimes. This whole situation was selfish, but I guess it was okay since Madeleine okay-ed it,” she took another deep drink from the bottle. “But your child is completely innocent. They don’t deserve to be caught up in your selfish decisions.”

He flinched, and his form deflated. “I think… you might be right, El.” He leaned back in his chair, his eyes glistening. “I guess it was absurd to think this affair would last forever.”

She smiled sadly. “It was fun while it lasted.”

“I’ll always love you, El. I’ve always been truthful about that. You’re the only woman I’ll ever love.”

She leaned forward to cup his face in her palm. “I’ll never love anyone the way I love you, Liam.” She took another gulp of the alcohol. “I guess now that you’re confessing, I’ll have to confess, too.”

His brows furrowed as he waited for her to continue.

“I have an appointment with my OBGYN next week. I’ve always wanted one, but I’ve been seriously contemplating a hysterectomy for months now. Since you married Madeleine, really.”

“What? Why?” His eyes widened in surprise.

“I can’t see myself with children, but I can with you. You’re the only man I could ever picture having children with,” her eyes filled with tears. “It’s not a punishment to myself. I just know in my heart I’ll never want children again.”

His eyes brimmed with tears threatening to spill. “I’m so sorry, Elliott.”

Her chin wobbled as the truth of the situation finally set in. She was no longer his, and he was no longer hers. The crown disrupted the fate of the lovers, and there was no amendment.

----

#choicesfebruarychallenge #trr #the royal romance #king liam #liam rhys #n*sfw #jade writes choices fics

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angel-deux-writes · 4 years

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@ajoblotofjunk posted this open ask to writers so I figured I’d warm up for my writing morning by answering it!

1. Which of your own finished fics have you re-read the most?

For this fandom, easily I will always hold you close, but I will learn to let you go, aka the Jaime Gets Hurt During the Long Night Fix-it. It’s a short (for me), relatively clean fix-it. I’m on record as saying (about a million times) that I’m Dying to be Born Again is my favorite fic I’ve written, and it’s true, but the other one is a much quicker mood boost imo, and I do like the kind of angst buttons I hit in that one.

Overall, definitely A Proud, Unpleasant Sort of Man, my Jyn/Cassian and Han/Leia fic, mostly because I keep expecting it to suck and am pleasantly surprised when I still like it.

Though for who would lose, though full of pain, this intellectual being is probably tied/a close second? I’ve only written one dragon age fic in my life, and i go through cycles of being obsessed with dragon age a lot, so I always reread this fic when i do.

2. Which of your own finished fics will you probably never read again because then you’ll have to remember how much you don’t like it/how hard it was to write/how annoying the fandom was/some other negative association?

It will definitely take me a long time to reread Honor Compels Me because I’ve allowed it to take over a good portion of my free time, and out of anything I’ve posted, it has definitely spawned the most critical comments. Also, it’s so long.

On the fandom end, probably show me where your love lies. That was a really stressful writing experience too. I usually write things on my phone and then edit and THEN start posting, but I didn’t do that with this fic, and so I ended up rewriting a lot of planned things due to comments. When I finished this fic, it was the first time I realized that some readers are just going to be mad at Jaime no matter what his reasons are for accidentally causing Brienne pain, and I shouldn’t spend time trying to make his motives more clear. i think I leaned too hard on Jaime’s anxiety to try and overexplain it to people who were critical of him, and I think the middle of the story dragged because of it lmao.

3. You can only use one musical artist or poet just for lyric titles for the rest of your life: who would it be?

Considering how many of my writing playlists are filled with Mumford and Sons, I’m gonna have to say Mumford and Sons

4. What’s your favorite opening line you’ve ever written?

A Proud, Unpleasant Sort of Man opens with “It’s Han who fires the first shot, although he doesn’t know he’s doing it: he’s just trying to make the princess jealous” which I thought was very funny at the time and am still kind of fond of.

5. What’s your favorite closing line you’ve ever written?

I really like the way I’m Dying to be Born Again ends:

“The rest of our lives together,” he echoes. He cannot think of a kinder fate.

6. Which character would you include in more fics if you felt more confident writing them?

I include both of them in my fics, but I would probably include more of my true feelings about Tyrion and Daenerys if I felt more confident? Honor Compels Me doesn’t count, because those are idealized versions of both characters, but I have generally negative opinions of both of them, and I’m not at all confident enough to write them the way I want to.

7. What is one plot point or character or title you would change for any of your finished fics?

For you did your worst. you tried your best, aka the Red Dead Redemption 2 fic, I thought of a perfect plotline like 3 months too late. In the game, there’s a character named Abigail who the main protagonist, Arthur, is friends with. Abigail had a child by Arthur’s friend John, and throughout the game Arthur spends time with the kid and takes him fishing and gives Abigail money to take care of him when John isn’t doing it. I SHOULD HAVE INCLUDED SANSA AS ABIGAIL. Except instead of John it would have been Joffrey, and the child would have been Jaime’s grandson. i’m still SO ANGRY that I didn’t think of this until too late.

#these are all such good questions!!!#the sansa/abigail thing haunts me #i started writing it at one point but idk where it is now #maybe I'll do a one shot thing as a remix or whatever #because i like the idea too much to leave it alone

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apocalyvse · 5 years

Text

11/11/11

I was tagged by @water-writings <3

1. Do you write fanfictions or original stories and did you ever write fanfiction?

I write (and always have written) both; I actually started writing fanfiction when I was like 10 years old, before I even knew what fanfiction was, and then later discovered that it was a whole thing. For quite a few years now fanfic has been my main thing, but I’ve got a few original things that I’m knuckling down on this year and really enjoying, so we’ll see.

2. Did you ever write your stories in the middle of class instead of paying attention?

Not in the middle of class really, but I did write like half a harry potter au fic sort of thing based off of some rp characters at the end of my year 11/12 exams. The exams were like 3 hours long each, and like, I’m not smart but I am pretty quick at theory stuff so I’d have 1.5-2 hours per exam to fill, and I would never use the note paper for notes. So I’d fold my note paper into 8ths and write reeeeeally really small and fill it all up during my extra exam time. (I still have the sheets of paper if anyone wants to see xD)

3. How many notebooks do you have filled with your writing?

Since somewhere in 2015, I have filled 25 notebooks; not including anything I wrote straight out on a computer, on my phone, on random pieces of paper, or in other notebooks that aren’t included in my numbering system, which I have lmao.

4. What’s your favorite way to write? Notebook, Word Doc, Google Docs?

By hand in notebooks. I used to write in a word doc, and I still use word to type up into and edit it, but I find writing by hand really pushes my word counts up, and forces me to do an initial edit when I type it up, especially with fanfic because I don’t draft fanfic.

5. Do you write by yourself or do you need people writing with you?

I’ve always written alone - most of my friends don’t even know that I write, or don’t write anymore themselves, so it’s just me and myself over here. I was in a writing club at school for a while, and we tried to do a couple projects together, but the group got off course way too easily and nothing really got done, so I prefer to be alone with something I’m really passionate about finishing.

6. Have you ever cowritten with someone?

When I was liiiiiike 12, my friend and I co-wrote a lot of Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfic lmao, which to this day is one of my favourite writing memories. And I co-wrote an entire 50k ‘novel’ with my friend during middle school, which was actually pretty good fun - we traded off chapters and worked together on plot and worldbuilding and actually finished the whole thing. It was horrible (I can’t look at it anymore it’s so cringey), but a good experience to have. I’ve co-written with a few friends online too, with mixed results - nothing that’s ever really gone anywhere though.

7. Who do you bounce ideas off of?

No one lmao. I just throw them into the story and see if they work.

8. Have you ever taken an experience from your life and written it into a story?

Definitely! The most obvious example would probably be the series of short stories I’ve written and posted on this horse racing game I play, Flying For Home, which are sometimes drawn directly from stuff that happens around my workplace in real life, seeing as I work with racehorses in a big stable (the premise of the short stories lmao).

Another example I can think of is, funnily enough, my other horse-related project; a novel called Vertigo, for which I have drawn on a lot of my own personal history and people that I’ve met in my life and thrown it into the mixing pot. It’s a bit of a personal daydream tbh xD Other than those, there’s a little bit of myself in everything I write, I think, though it’s hard to pick out sometimes.

9. Favorite type of music to listen to while you write.

I usually don’t let myself listen to music when I write, but if I do, it’ll be the playlist I inevitably have for the story, turned down very quiet so that it fades into the background - usually just pop and alternative/indie sort of stuff.

10. Have you ever had anyone give you “advice” that hurt you and prevented you from writing for a while?

I don’t think I’ve ever had anything that stopped me from writing, and I’ve certainly never had criticism from outsiders/strangers or whatever (generally people just ignore me). But I do keep my mum at a distance from my writing, as she tends to just push and push me to ‘publish something already’ and gives off the mentality of ‘it’s not worth wasting your time on if it won’t make you money’. She uh...doesn’t know that I have published over 100k of fanfic this year. Lol. She’s only trying to be supportive, in her own way, and I appreciate it, but I just don’t mention it to her very often, because she’s never really ready to listen to my point of view on it.

11. Have you ever had fans of your writing pester to write a certain way?

I don’t have fans xD

And from @starsandstormyseas because you asked good questions and I Want To...

1. Have you ever had an idea that sounded really great in your head, but when you started writing it, came out terrible for whatever reason?

Yesssss, Flicker has gone through 9 versions in 2 years because every time I start it, it just goes very quickly in directions that I don’t want it to and it never feels right. This version I’m working on now is the first time I’ve really liked all the ways I could go with it so hopefully we’re past book 2 blues and back on track.

2. What’s your favorite part in writing a story? The relationships (or shipping), the plot, the worldbuilding, something else?

The like, ‘main’ scenes, the big hitters. The culmination of all the middle bits into that one main plot point. And relationships too, though not romantic persay - I just really enjoy the scenes where two characters will bounce off of each other for like 7 pages of dialogue, whether its enemies, or friends, or romantic.

3. And weird habits you do when writing, or to keep yourself writing?

I write by hand mostly, and I have my own system to mark as I’m going sentences I don’t like, or words that don’t really fit but I couldn’t think of the right one, or facts I’ve made up on the fly that need to be googled. If I just mark down stuff that I want to change later as I go, I find that I set myself free in a way, and I can just move on without getting stuck on a google spiral (also I don’t forget to fix my plot holes later).

4. Do you keep the internet on or off when you write?

On, though it’s very distracting when I’m trying to write straight on my laptop lmao

5. What books, authors, fics, or any media, have heavily influenced your writing style?

I spent a lot of my childhood reading Enid Blyton and authors like her; older books, mostly my mum’s books from when she was a child, and things from my hometown’s very, very outdated library. So they had a huge impact on the way I learnt to write (they also had an impact on the way I talk too, but that’s another story). More recently, the whole tone and way that fanfic in general is written has really influenced me, and I’d like to think I’ve adopted it and made it my own in a good way.

6. What time is the best time to write? Day, night? Morning, evening?

Evening/night; some days, I cannot focus until like 8pm when I go to bed. And then I lose sleep because I’m writing but y’know. For editing/typing up, that’s a late afternoon kind of job.

7. Is there anyone IRL that you let read your work?

I have a group of friends that I’ve known for 8 years now that are allowed to read my work. We used to rp together and all used to write and so we all know how bad we were back in the day xD. One girl from that group has been my friend since kindergarten, so she has always had me shoving handfuls of words in her face. There’s been a few other friends that have read some of my stuff, but not all of it, and the older I get, the less I share.

8. How do you handle negative or unhelpful reviews or critique? Does it impact the way you write?

I’ve never had any negative response, so I don’t know. The silence when you’re 4 chapters deep and no one has reviewed is deafening though.

9. Do you respond to every comment/reply you get? If not, which ones get your attention and why?

I only respond to the long/sincere ones, because I feel like they deserve some encouragement in return for taking the time to really let me know what they thought.

10. Ever gotten weird, unsolicited messages asking to join an RP group or some such because this person apparently read your writing (but probably didn’t)?

Hah. Once or twice.

11. What is your favorite platform to post your writing, talk about writing, or anything like that?

My favourite place to post and to read by far is AO3 - but I find the best platform to get feedback on is FF.net. My favourite place to talk about writing is over here on tumblr.

MY QUESTIONS

How do you get yourself to focus on writing?

What’s your favourite thing you’ve ever written?

Tell me about your current WIP.

Do you write for yourself or for an audience?

Do you share your writing with anyone you know in real life?

What’s the nicest comment/review you’ve ever gotten?

What platform do you prefer to post your work on?

Do you plot or pants?

What have you learnt while writing your stories?

Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?

Can you give a spoiler for your WIP?

Tagging (from writer peeps) @converginglives, @pen-in-hand (if you want another one I think mel got you xD), @aethryos, @paper-shield-and-wooden-sword, @siriusguided, @insertpenname-here, @indecentpause, @writing-at-dusk @sillyliterature @anoddconstellationofthoughts @writingtomorrow

#if you join ffh #the referral number is 24 #;)#tag game #nah for real though this was fun

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lesbianfreyja · 5 years

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hey do u have any ways u force urself to write. i need to write this fucking faulkner paper and like ik i can and itll be good once i do it i just need to Do It its already like 900 years late. im loving yahfhskjd law so so so so much btw i rlly love ur characterization for den and the whole fic is just so endearing and enjoyable like theres heaviness to it but its not like overbearingly angsty and its just rlly fun to read

i have some advice but it might not be universal or healthy (lol) and it differs heavily based on what i’m writing

fic writing is for fun, and that’s why i try to remember when i’m doing it. sometimes it becomes obsessive (because i have ocd, and because i love validation, and that’s quite the line to tread lmao) but ultimately i do it because i love it/i have shit to say/stories drum in my fingers until i get them out, even if it takes time. i’m glad you love it!!!! if people didn’t i’d get demoralized way more often! with fic writing, usually i can’t force myself to do anything until i know the basics of what i want down - right now i’m stuck on a scene b/t charlie and mac because i know what i want them to get out of it, but i have no idea what the outside context of the overall conversation will be. usually in that case, i just have to wait it out.

inspo will come to me when it comes, maybe from binge watching the show, maybe from watching smth else, maybe from a convo i have irl or a dream or what have you. in the meantime i write as much around it as i possibly can. i’ve currently written every single scene for the next chapter that either came easily or at least didn’t come extremely difficultly, and once i have part of a scene down i usually let the characters’ voices follow me through the rest of it…sometimes you just have to let them run free. writing fic for me is often a solid push and pull of me nudging the characters down the path i want them to take, but mostly i just sit there and imagine them talking, and see what they say. i have to parse apart exactly how i think they’d say it, but i can get a fair amount of their tone and message just from listening to them have the convo in my head. not to be extremely embarrassing on main but when i was obsessed with twilight, stephenie meyer basically said this in her faq and it really resonated with me lmao. this applies to original fiction btw too. that’s why its often easy to finish a scene once i’ve begun it, if i can get a piece of the convo than usually i can build outward - give me a snippet of a convo and i can begin to see their location, what started this convo, and their motivations. i’ll have to trim it down to fit their tone/how often they lie/how difficult they find it to express themselves later, but after i get it all out, it’s easier to cut away the ooc parts until you’re left with glances to convey what used to be a paragraph and what have you

can’t write a sex scene? have a drink or two and write it all spelling errors and all, it’s usually way dirtier than i intended too but you can clean ALL that up and make it in-character in editing

academic writing was never nearly as difficult for me, especially once i got to college. pretty much everyone i know used adderall to write essays, and i sat down a few times expecting to do that myself, but i ultimately never ended up needing it. in high school i was smart enough to more or less make shit up to get through it (i always say the only thing i learned in high school is how to bullshit effectively) but in college you get to pick your research topics, or they’ll hand you a book and tell you to pick whatever part of it you want to write about, so i usually latched on to one snippet of interest and expanded from there (many of my essays were about how the characters were secretly gay or more or less feminist than they should be, as you can imagine)

i was never much for formal outlines, and i DON’T subscribe to the 5 paragraph essay format, but i usually made a basic outline in my notebook so i’d remember to hit all the points i wanted to make/be able to steer myself back on course when i started rambling abt something. usually i have an overarching point, and like 2 supporting arguments that i go into HEAVY detail about and probably have some supporting arguments about them within themselves. make an outline that lists your thesis and your 2 or 3 main points. if you CAN easily, write down some supporting arguments for those main points, but don’t get caught up on it.

how do i start? just sit down and fuckin start. deadass. tell yourself that if you finish before 8pm you can smoke a bowl or something, then smoke a bowl after you’re done regardless of the time. then sit down and just start typing, WHEREVER your mind wants to begin. let it, it’s way easier to follow your motivation than try to corral it, you’ll just end up giving yourself writer’s block

intros are easy. don’t worry too much about starting them; you can come up with a catchy first sentence way later (same with a catchy ending sentence; i still CANNOT write last lines for the life of me). for your intro literally just say: These 2 or 3 things are connected, actually, and I think they connect in a specific way to prove [thesis]. you can bulk out the intro later, but MOVE ON. that’s not the important part of the essay, at all. if your thesis can’t be turned into a question THAT YOU THEN ANSWER, then it needs to be bulked out. you should be able to make it a question, for example: Why is Emily Dickinson a lesbian? becomes “Dickinson’s lesbianism is the driving force behind her decisions to do x, y, and z” in which x y & z are the main points of your essay.

don’t worry too much about sources or quotes. i can’t tell you how many times i just made arguments in essays and then put in brackets [find a throwaway quote about x to support this later], then highlighted the text so it’d stand out and i’d remember to get back to it later. then MOVE ON.

don’t get caught up in anything, not grammar, not specifics, not finding the perfect segue between paragraphs. just try to get down everything you have to say FIRST, or you’ll bog yourself down and lose steam. sit there until you’re done making your points, then take a break

conclusions are easy. scroll back up to your intro. what does it say? put that back down, exactly, and bulk it out a little by referencing some points in the main paragraphs of your essay. if your intro just said “x y and z is true” then your conclusion should say “her woodcarving shows x is true, the fact that the moon was full that day is why y is true. these two things make z true”

go back and find sources/quotes to plug into all the times you wrote [find a throwaday quote]

TAKE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE OFF. if you try to edit and expand immediately, you WILL fail to catch things. if you’re a little unfamiliar with your own writing, you’ll be able to catch things like spelling errors, things that make so little sense you have no idea what you were trying to say, times you forgot to plug in a quote, or when a transition sounds a little like a record scratching instead of playing smoothly

if you’re really pressed for time: just fucking send it in without doing a second reread, because FUCK IT. getting it done is more important than perfectionism; fixing those last straggling spelling errors gets you +2 points whereas being a day late loses a letter grade

most importantly: WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT. if you’re only getting specific prompts, try to twist it as best you can until you give a fuck about it, it’s WAY easier to write about shit that matters to you. i LOVED twisting prompts until suddenly this boring ass white boy book is secretly about this minor female character that appeared on 2 pages, and after awhile i got really fucking good at it.

just sit down and start writing. you’ve got to start somewhere, even if you end up erasing and rewriting the starting point later. at least you’ve got the ball rolling.

#not to geek out and go full english major but i miss writing argumentative essays #like medium key #holy SHIT!! why is this an essay in and of itself like you didn't even ask lmao #fic stuff #yl #college #book tag #anon #ask

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keichanz · 6 years

Text

Out of Time

First off, let me just begin by sayING I AM SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY THIS IS FINALLY DONE YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Secondly, I have several notes I want to make you aware of, however it’s going to get sort of lengthy because I have a lot to say, so you if you’d rather skip it and go straight to the story that’s fine. They’re more my thoughts than anything and nothing is required reading to understand the story.

You all oughta know that near the end of the story I became very lazy because I just wanted to finish the damn thing so if it seems rushed, that’s because it is. There are probably tons of errors - grammatical, spelling or otherwise - loose ends, loop holes, and plot points that I should have expounded on better, but I was just so happy to be done with it that I didn’t bother to go back, find any and fix them. Maybe someday I’ll go back and fine tune everything, but for now it’s gonna stay as is because frankly I’m sick of looking at it lmaoo.

DO YOU KNOW THIS FREAKING MONSTROSITY IS 39 GODDAMN PAGES. which is why i’m splitting it into two parts.

I, uh, sorta forgot that Kirara existed so she’s not anywhere in this fic lmao oops. So pretend she’s recovering from some injury at Kaede’s village or something.

The castle/stronghold Inuyasha and Kagome travel to is the castle that makes an appearance in the Band of Seven arc, where Bankotsu gets the Banryu back and slaughters all the humans living there. I am no expert on medieval Japanese castles, so everything mentioned about them is probably not accurate but again, I don’t care so whatevs lol.

Actually there’s probably a lot of things in this monstrosity that’s not accurate so just...idk pretend that everything is true and factual lol.

Oh I guess I should mention this takes place perhaps a year or so after the Band of Seven arc so I tried to make it as realistic as possible and added rotting bodies and the like so. Meh.

Throughout writing this I kept switching between Tessaiga and Tetsusaiga and ended up sticking with the latter because honestly to me it looks better and that’s what I’ve always used anyway. I also didn’t know whether to use English terms for demons or go with youkai, and decided to stick with the Japanese terms because I also like that one better haha.

Uh....okay so I guess it wasn’t that long, but still, I know some people don’t like to read author’s notes and just go straight to the story. I’ll probably edit this later when I think of something else I wanted to say but can’t think of right now.

Please forgive any inconsistencies regarding Inuyasha’s appearance; I’m so used to writing him as silver-haired and dog-eared that sometimes I’ll forget myself and describe his hanyou attributes instead of his human ones.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings and on with the story! Please, please, PLEASE enjoy this stupid oneshot that took over my life and caused me serious lack of sleep.

Read it on AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Part 2

“Take your shirt off. At this point it’s just a rag hanging off your body and we can’t leave that unwrapped.”

Kagome made a face, afraid that he was going to say that, but she didn’t protest because she knew he was right. So with a resigned sigh, Kagome attempted to pull off her wet-and-ruined-beyond-recognition shirt without moving her arm too much. But when it became apparent she couldn’t lift her arm much without gasping in pain and tears pricking her eyes, large hands gently brushed hers away and went about ripping the garment off of her with a few deft flicks of his wrist, the already torn fabric tearing easily under his strength despite it being damp.

She stared woefully at the bloodstained, torn, dirty and still damp shirt as he pulled it away, too exhausted mentally and physically to care that she was sitting topless in front of him with only her bra to preserve her modesty. It was just as well, she supposed; its purpose as a shirt had long ago been sacrificed to bandage the gash on her thigh and with it being as torn and filthy as it was she may as well have been running around topless anyway.

Wordlessly Kagome watched him rip off yet another section of the garment as a makeshift bandage, taking a moment to wrap what was left of it around Tetsusaiga for later use before kneeling before her and wrapping up the laceration on her arm. Kagome studied him quietly with tired but alert brown eyes. He was in just as bad a shape as she was, probably more so because of his deeply engrained instinct to protect her at all costs. Because of that he was covered in more cuts and bruises than she was, his hakama and suikan torn in several places, darkened with new and old blood, and still slightly damp from their plunge into the river hours earlier. She noted the angry downward slash of black brows over fierce violet eyes, his strong jaw clenched and his lips pinched into a tight line as he knotted the fabric over the worst of the cut to keep pressure on it.

She knew the sight of her – dirty, exhausted, and wounded – was something that he blamed himself for and she wished he wouldn’t. Their situation was neither of their faults, and she didn’t know how many times she’d told him it was just bad timing, that there wasn’t anything they could have done to prevent it. She knew he was worried, both for them and for those they sought, and the guilt in his eyes was plain to see every time he looked at her or whenever he cleaned one of her cuts.

After all, nobody could have predicted their friends would end up in mortal danger on the night of the new moon. Nobody could have guessed that the youkai that kidnapped them – masquerading as a human – would have a human army at his disposal, and they most certainly wouldn’t haven known they would be forcefully driven away from the stronghold that kept their friends by said human army, using bows, swords, and javelins. Inuyasha and Kagome had had no choice but to flee for their lives before the weapons did more the just graze their skin. Kagome had gotten stuck in the thigh on their bid for freedom and after that Inuyasha had swooped her up into his arms and ran.

It was only after the sounds of the men chasing them had disappeared perhaps an hour later that Inuyasha deemed it safe enough to finally stop and treat her wound and that had been the first time they used her shirt as a bandage. Since they hadn’t been able to grab anything before fleeing, Kagome’s bag with all her medical supplies and her bow and arrows were still at the camp and when they’d tentatively gone back to retrieve them, they’d found everything missing. It didn’t take a genius to figure out the army had ransacked their camp and taken their belongings with them.

It also hadn’t taken long to decide to go back and rescue their friends – not going back hadn’t even been an option – and of course Kagome had to argue with Inuyasha to accompany him since he’d been deadest on leaving her behind. It was only after she’d pointed out they were too far away from Kaede’s village that Inuyasha had begrudgingly given in, hating the fact that it made sense. It would only be wasting what little time they may have to rescue them to go all the way to the village then turn right back around and head toward what they thought to be the youkai’s stronghold.

A soft breeze filtered through the trees and Kagome, not for the first time, silently thanked the gods that it was a warm night. Her newest injury, the one Inuyasha had just bandaged, had been caused by another run-in of their quarry’s patrolling soldiers some twenty minutes ago and without Inuyasha’s enhanced hearing or smell, he’d been unable to detect their presence or the whizzing arrow’s path until it was too late. Kagome’s scream of pain had been Inuyasha’s only warning before a barrage of spears and arrows rained down on them and Inuyasha hadn’t even had time to think before he grabbed Kagome, dove into the trees to their left and ended up rolling down an incline into the river. Kagome barely had time to draw in a breath before Inuyasha had submerged them once again and urged her to swim along the bottom of the river away from their attackers.

Thankfully they’d managed to lose them and so now here they were, in the middle of the forest on the night of the new moon, still hours away from daybreak, both of them filthy, sore, exhausted and sporting cuts and bruises everywhere. They had no idea what condition their friends were in, if they were even still alive – although they both tried to avoid thinking about that – or if they could even survive the night with those damn soldiers on the prowl and actively looking for them with orders to no doubt eliminate. Kagome and Inuyasha were sure it was only sheer blind luck that they’d managed to escape with only minimal bruising and wounds thus far, and not for the first time cursed the fact that it was the new moon. Had Inuyasha been hanyou he’d be able to evade the warriors completely in the treetops, easily track down their friends, knock down anybody who got in his way and the five of them would be on their way back to Kaede’s village, safe, uninjured, and together again.

But it did them no good to dwell on the what if’s and could have been so Kagome focused on the here and now, studying Inuyasha’s face in the dark, barely able to make out his features but close enough to see the worry and pain he was trying to hide. He hadn’t gotten away unscathed either, Kagome recalled, and though she wanted to treat his wounds too, it would be a lost cause because she knew he wouldn’t let her, telling her they were just “scratches” and they’d be gone in a few hours, anyway. It was true, though that didn’t mean she had to like it.

Right at the moment, though, the regret in his eyes and face was prominent and before she could stop herself her hand rose and gently touched the cut that slashed through his right eyebrow, still oozing blood that trailed down his face. Her touch drew his eyes to hers and she tried to convey everything she wanted to say to him through her gaze, willing him to understand that it wasn’t his fault, that none of this was his burden to bear.

Kagome offered him a thin smile that bespoke of her exhaustion but it was genuine and she was gratified to see Inuyasha’s expression soften slightly. He sighed, closed his eyes and brought a hand up to capture hers, pressing her palm to his cheek and simply relishing in her touch.

They were silent, reveling in the knowledge that they were together, still alive, and however battered and bruised, were determined to find and rescue their companions.

Another zephyr whispered through the trees and Kagome shivered that time, her wet hair not at all helping her plight to remain relatively warm despite the nice weather. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by her companion and wordlessly Inuyasha straightened before shrugging out of his suikan. Kagome smiled but then it faded in confusion when instead of handing it to her, he dropped it to the ground and instead shed his kosode before dropping it over her shoulders and redonning his suikan. She was about to ask why his kosode instead of his firerat, but stopped when she noted the less than stellar condition of the robe. Since he was human the self-repairing properties of the garment were not in effect and with it riddled with holes and stained with blood, it wouldn’t do much to cover her.

Gratefully Kagome shoved her arms through the sleeves, still damp but uncaring and since it was large on her, she gathered the hem and knotted it at her waist. It gaped in the front and showed a slight amount of cleavage and the fabric of her bra, but she didn’t care since it more or less covered her up and she doubted Inuyasha gave it a second thought either. They were both too tired, too sore to be embarrassed and driven in their mission to rescue their friends for Kagome’s modesty to even be a footnote in their minds.

Inuyasha left the firerat hanging open and reached down to help Kagome to her feet. They both knew they had little time to stand around and regather their strength, however Inuyasha needed to take stock of his wench’s condition; she was so much more fragile than him, more prone to bruising and wounds and it fucking terrified him that she was here with him, being hunted by those damn warriors, but there wasn’t anything he could do about that, so the least he could do was make sure she was well taken care of. Or at least, as well taken care of as she could be given the circumstances.

“Doing okay?” he muttered, sweeping an unruly strand of damp hair behind her ear and not liking how pale she was.

Kagome gave him another smile and though her dark eyes had lost their usual brightness due to fatigue and pain, it was genuine. “Yes,” she answered simply and pressed a hand to his bare chest, over his heart. “You?”

The corner of his lip twitched up into a half-grin. “Keh,” he mumbled. “I’m tougher than you humans. I’ll live.”

“You are one of those humans right now,” Kagome softly reminded him, her smile fading but not disappearing. “I just…I know you’re stronger than me, and your skin probably is a little tougher than mine, but…Inuyasha, promise me you won’t be so reckless from now on. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve been shielding me from the worst of it.” She leveled him with a knowing look, daring him to lie.

Inuyasha didn’t answer because she was right; his scored and bleeding back could attest to that and he simply stared at her, completely unapologetic.

His silence unsettled her and she must have seen the resolve in his eyes because her chocolate eyes grew wide and her hands clutched the open sides of his robe, her voice holding a hint of desperation as she pleaded, “Inuyasha, promise me.”

He didn’t know if it was their situation, the look in her eyes or his unwavering resolve to always protect her, but whatever the reason Inuyasha couldn’t stop himself from lifting his hands and gently cupping her face, her soft gasp of surprise reaching his ears. “My first priority will always be your safety, Kagome, and if that means taking a few measly arrows in your stead…” His meaning was clear as he trailed off, his dark eyes intense as he willed her to understand what he didn’t say.

If it meant Kagome would live to see another day, he would gladly lay his life down for hers.

By the way Kagome’s eyes glistened with the threat of tears, Inuyasha knew she’d gotten his message loud and clear. “Inuyasha—”

Inuyasha sighed and stalled any further protests by dropping an unexpected kiss to her forehead. “We don’t have time to argue about this, Kagome. Later, after we find and rescue the others and everyone is safe we can discuss my ‘recklessness’ all you want, but for right now we need to concentrate on staying hidden and taking down the bastard that took our friends. Alright?”

It was clear by the way she pursed her lips and pouted up at him that she wanted to continue the conversation, but she knew he was right, even if she didn’t want to admit it, and gave in with a nod and a small sigh. Still, she couldn’t help but saying, “Please, just…be more careful. For me.”

That was something he could do and his reply was a quiet hum of acquiescence coupled with another press of his lips to her forehead. “Deal, wench. Now let’s get moving; the longer we stay in one spot, the more likely it is they’ll find us.”

Kagome nodded again, appeased now that her beloved hanyou-turned-human would also think of his own life instead of just hers, and didn’t protest when he took her hand and tugged her deeper into the trees. By silent agreement they both kept a lookout for their pursuers while simultaneously taking stock of where exactly they were. Inuyasha wasn’t certain, but he suspected they were pretty far north and relayed as much to Kagome.

“North,” Kagome repeated with a thoughtful frown and grabbed Inuyasha’s hands as he helped her over a fallen tree. “North…wait—isn’t that where the Ox Tiger is?”

Inuyasha snapped his gaze to her and his brows dipped as he considered her words. “No, I think that was more northeast if I remember,” he mused, hooking her waist with an arm and bringing her down next to him. He stared over her shoulder at nothing, his expression contemplative, something tugging at the back of his mind insisting that he was missing something crucial here—

“The Band of Seven,” Inuyasha suddenly blurted at the same time Kagome said, “Mount Hakurei.”

Kagome’s eyes widened and Inuyasha clasped his hand urgently onto Kagome’s arms as they both realized the same thing. “But it was destroyed,” he reminded her with a small shake of his head. “There’s nothing left but big ass spikes and boulders.”

She seemed to deflate a little at that observation and she sighed, wrinkling her nose. “Oh yeah,” she mumbled. “I forgot.”

Inuyasha cursed as he thrust a hand through his hair in frustration, scowling off into the trees. He knew there was something else he was forgetting, something they were both missing. It was right there, in the back of his mind, on the tip of his tongue, taunting him with the knowledge that they would be that much closer to finding the others if he’d only remember…

“—a human army,” Kagome was saying but he was only listening with half an ear, “wouldn’t there have to be like…a castle, or something—”

Inuyasha whipped his head round so fast Kagome gave a soft gasp of alarm.

“What’s wro—”

“What did you say?” he demanded, his words urgent, gaze fixated on hers.

Kagome blinked and repeated what she’d just said while thinking aloud, “I said, he has a human army so wouldn’t there have to be some sort of castle or something—”

“The castle,” Inuyasha cut her off for a second time, his eyes widening as he once more seized Kagome’s arms in excitement. “The fucking castle, Kagome!”

Kagome opened her mouth, closed it, and gave him a puzzled look. “I don’t…what castle?”

He made a sound of impatience. “The castle where Banryu was kept!”

He was rewarded with another blank stare and Inuyasha scowled and was about to open his mouth to yell at her to use that damn brain of hers when she suddenly gasped and went stiff under his hands. Kagome’s eyes grew large to match his own as her hands came up to wrap around his wrists. “The feudal lord’s stronghold,” she muttered, more to herself than to him. “That could—but isn’t it in ruins?” she asked, frowning again, not daring to hope. “After Bankotsu got the halberd back, he slaughtered the lord and all of the humans residing in it. No one’s been there since it happened.”

“But a youkai wouldn’t care about that,” Inuyasha insisted, growing more certain of his conclusion by the second. “Actually it’s damn near perfect for a youkai that likes his privacy; the foul stench of death and blood with the occasional dismembered body would drive away any lower level youkai sniffing around the area and I’m pretty sure no human would dare venture anywhere near it after what happened there.”

Unbidden tears filled Kagome’s eye and she gave a watery smile, squeezing his wrists. “Do you think—”

“Yeah,” he said and offered his own grin in return, feeling like they were finally getting somewhere for the first time since the entire event started. “That’s gotta be it. There’s nothing else in the region except for the temple Renkotsu took over and that’s burned to the ground. I doubt he’d care to cross the lake onto Hijiri Island, and the village where that damn Suikotsu stayed is too small to hold any interest for him. So that leaves the only structure large enough to house a human army and since he no doubt thinks himself as a high ranking youkai—”

Kagome launching herself at him with a choked laugh cut off the rest of Inuyasha’s sentence and he happily returned her embrace, the relief at finally having a lead on where their friends might be rushing through him like a temporary high and without even thinking it through Inuyasha leaned back, grasped Kagome’s chin to tilt her face upward and dipped down—

Unbidden the hairs on the back of Inuyasha’s neck stood on end and he barely had time to seize Kagome around the waist before spinning with her crushed to her chest and taking the arrow meant for her in his right shoulder. Kagome cried out in a mixture of alarm and dismay as Inuyasha grunted in pain, but there wasn’t any time to assess the damage. Amid Kagome’s fretting concerns asking if he was alright, he could hear the human soldiers closing in, making no effort to muffle their approach with their battle cries of victory and thundering charge through the trees toward them so gritting his teeth against the pain Inuyasha took off as fast as he could, half-dragging Kagome behind him as he dodged boulders, logs and ducked under low hanging branches.

Struggling to keep up with Inuyasha’s frantic pace, Kagome stumbled and grit her teeth as her ankle rolled painfully beneath her weight. Her left thigh throbbed as the gash there pulled and stretched with her movement and she felt the warmth of fresh blood as it reopened, staining the dirty bandage.

“Dammit, Kagome, keep up!” Inuyasha hollered behind him and looked over his shoulder past her into the trees behind them. Shit, their assailants were getting closer and they weren’t going fast enough!

“I’m—trying—” Kagome gasped and pushed herself to go faster, pumping her legs, her breath wheezing in and out of her lungs. “Inu—ahh!”

Abruptly Inuyasha stopped with a rough sound of frustration, but it was directed more at their situation than the young woman that collided against him with a grunt, struggling to catch her breath. He paid her no mind as he frantically looked around at their surroundings, desperately searching for something to hide behind, trees with low enough branches to climb, fuck, he didn’t care what it was but they needed to find some kind of cover, quickly, because Inuyasha knew to keep running meant a gruesome end and he’d kill himself before he ever let that happen to his Kagome.

C’mon, c’mon, where—

An arrow thudded into the thick tree right next to them and Kagome released a quiet cry of fright, crowding up against him. “Inuyasha—”

Fuck. Out of time.

With zero hesitation Inuyasha reached behind him to yank out the arrow still embedded into his shoulder, ignoring the burning pain that splintered across his back and arm. He tossed it aside carelessly and with an arm secured around her waist, Inuyasha dove behind the large tree where the arrow had landed, hoping the wide girth and cover of darkness would be enough to keep them hidden as he pressed back against the rough bark, drew Kagome between his knees and pressed her head into his chest.

“Don’t move,” he hissed in her ear just as a dozen soldiers burst from the trees behind them and the couple froze.

Kagome tried to make herself as small as possible against him, tucking her legs up, pressing into his chest and hunching her shoulders, holding her breath. He could feel her shaking against him and he tightened his hold around her, sucking in a quiet breath and pressing back tight into the tree as he closed his eyes, hoping, praying they wouldn’t think to look behind any trees. That’d be too obvious, right?

He clenched his jaw and buried his face in Kagome’s hair. Please…please let me keep her safe.

“What the fuck, Wakashi! You missed!”

“You gave away our position, you bloody idiot! Don’t shoot if you’re not absolutely certain you’ll hit!”

“At least I actually hit something! You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn even if it was ten feet in front of you!”

“You son of a—”

“Would you three shut the fuck up?! Your foolish squabbling is loud enough to wake the dead—”

“Ah, stuff it, Yoshino, you didn’t even want to come in the first place.”

“That’s because I have better things to do than chase after some worthless half-breed and his whore.”

Kagome flinched and Inuyasha bit down on his lip hard to stifle the cry of outrage that welled up. He could hear them walking around as they bickered and insulted each other, thankfully not coming close enough to their hiding spot, but still, Inuyasha was getting anxious and his heart was thudding painfully in his chest. They were staying too long, lingering; why the fuck weren’t they moving on?

“If you four are done bitching and complaining like petty children,” came a much deeper voice and the clank of armor suggested the speaker was the head of the squadron, “then I suggest we move onward. The targets are obviously not here or we would have found them already. Let’s move out.”

“I saw them, Daisuke,” the man who’d shot the arrow insisted. “I know I did—the abomination was wearing red, right? What else is red in the middle of the fucking forest?”

“A giant bird?”

“A youkai?”

“Your wife?”

The last one elicited rowdy guffaws from the rest of the soldiers along with Wakashi’s indignant protest and even Inuyasha had to withhold a snort of amusement.

“Enough!” Daisuke bellowed and the men immediately silenced at his less than pleased tone. “I want all of you to branch out, now—Sosuke, you and Wakashi head west, Yoshino, Nobu, due east, and the rest of you continue north toward the stronghold. Master Yuudai warned us that despite his status as a lowly half-breed, he is smarter than the average youkai and could have figured out where his human companions are being held. You must prevent them from breeching the walls. Now move out, all of you.”

The warriors obeyed their commander without question, though there were a few grumbles and when footsteps approached their tree, Inuyasha stiffened as his blood ran cold. Kagome tensed and he knew she heard it, too.

“Are you daft, Wakashi? That is not west,” the presumed Sosuke spoke up, his voice thankfully not any closer than it was before.

“Can it, So, I needa get my arrow. They don’t exactly make ‘em like they use to, y’know.”

“Yeah, yeah, hurry it up, you bastard.”

“Fuck off, bloody arsehole.”

Closer and closer the footsteps drew near and Inuyasha knew he had to do something. Though the tree was wide and the night was dark, he couldn’t take even the miniscule of chances of him discovering them. But what could he do? God, there had to be something, anything he could do to distract him, divert their attention so they could sneak away—

Wakashi was just on the other side of the tree and Inuyasha didn’t give himself time to think. With a colorful mental curse and clenching his jaw so hard it ached, he swiftly jerked Tetsusaiga from his hip and prayed the cover of darkness wouldn’t give him away as he stretched his arm out and flung his sword as hard as he could in the opposite direction, away for their hiding spot.

Kagome sucked in a sharp breath and without missing a beat he clamped a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound with a hissed warning in her ear to stay quiet.

Tetsusaiga clattered against several trees as it sailed through the air and on its descent to the ground, as Inuyasha had hoped, and it successfully drew Wakashi’s, and Sosuke’s attention as it fell to the ground somewhere beyond the shadows, a satisfactory distance away from them.

“What was that?” Sosuke said sharply and was already moving to investigate. “Fuck—I think it’s them! Forget your damn arrow, Waka, we can’t let them get away!”

“Goddamn—wait for me, you bloody arsehole!” Rabid footsteps followed after Sosuke into the trees and Inuyasha didn’t waste a second.

“Run, go!” he hissed and gave Kagome a shove as he scrambled to his feet, catching Kagome’s arm and heaving her upright when she stumbled. “Go!”

Kagome did as she was told, forcing her legs to support her weight as she rushed headlong into the darkness before her with Inuyasha on her heels. Blindly she reached back and when his hand closed around hers she released a soft sob of relief and then both of them were swatting away branches and stumbling their way through the forest, trying to put as much distance between them and their pursuers while they could. Inuyasha tried not to think about just how he’d granted them the opportunity to flee and even though he knew he’d get his sword back again, it was still hard to leave it behind, and it was stupid but he felt like he was betraying his Fang.

Forcefully he shoved those thoughts away to worry over at a later time; right now he needed all of his concentration and energy saving their asses as they struggled to run in the dark to what he hoped was north, toward this Yuudai bastard’s stronghold.

It was slow going; they weren’t going nearly as fast as Inuyasha wanted them to, but then again it was difficult to go fast when you couldn’t see where you were going. They stumbled, tripped, slipped and fell, but never stopped. Whenever Kagome went down, Inuyasha was there to heave her back up and when Inuyasha faltered, Kagome urged him back to his feet. It was tedious, and exhausting, and damn right frustrating, but they knew giving up was not an option.

They didn’t know how long they ran for but it felt like hours until they came to a small incline and Inuyasha urged Kagome to climb, only sparing enough breath to tell her to use the trees as leverage to hoist herself upward before demonstrating himself. Though her breath was coming in wheezes and she must have been on her last reserve of strength, Kagome followed without complaint, forcing her tired muscles to heave herself up using the limbs of trees and when she neared the top Inuyasha grabbed her hands and dragged her the rest of the way up.

Falling back against a nearby tree as Kagome collapsed against him, Inuyasha grunted and his legs abruptly gave out on him. Down he went, sliding to the ground and Kagome went with him, clutching the sides of his firerat as she shuddered and gasped for breath against him.

Automatically his arm went around her, keeping her cradled against his chest and for several minutes they did nothing but breathe, recovering from their frantic rush through the forest and as the adrenaline faded away, every little ache and pain made itself known with deep aches and twinges, muscles throbbing from hard use. Both of them were covered with welts and scratches from braches and they stung from the thin layer of sweat covering their skin.

Leaning his head back against tree, Inuyasha closed his eyes and winced, knowing they couldn’t stay here long; they needed adequate cover before they could truly rest, but for now they could at least catch their breath.

God, when was the last time he’d run like that, desperate, frantic to get away? Inuyasha was stunned to realize, after a brief journey through memory lane, that the last time had been as a pup fleeing from those bigger and stronger than him seeking an easy meal or wanted to kill him for sport. And he was willing to bet for Kagome this had been the first time she’d been running for her life, and Inuyasha vowed that it would also be the last.

And speaking off, Kagome was going limp against him, her breathing evening out and he knew she was seconds away from nodding off in exhaustion. He couldn’t let that happen, not until they had a safe place to rest.

Grimacing, not without a stab of guilt, Inuyasha nudged the young woman resting against him and when that didn’t work, he grabbed her shoulder and shook her back awake. “Kagome,” he rumbled, voice hoarse. She whined. “C’mon, you can’t sleep yet. We need to find a safe place first.”

Kagome groaned and shook her head and then winced when her body protested even that small movement. “Nooo,” she breathed, unable to muster the strength to even lift her head. “Tired.”

Inuyasha sighed and reached between them to grasp her shoulders, gently leaning her upright. “I know, I am too, but we can’t stay here. C’mon, we just need to get down the other side of this hill. I can see some rocks and what looks like a big ass hollowed out tree trunk that might work. It’s not that far and then after we’re safe, I promise you can rest. Alright?”

No, it was not alright. Instead Kagome huffed, gave a little whine of frustration, but with great reluctant somehow managed to muster up the strength to push herself upright on her own, using his chest as leverage. “I don’t like you right now,” she pouted and willed her legs to obey her silent commands to get up. They stubbornly refused to listen.

“I know.” With every ounce of strength he had left Inuyasha heaved himself to his feet, wincing as his muscles twinged in protest but he ignored it. “C’mon, wench,” he urged when she still hadn’t moved. “Get up.”

Kagome bit her lip and tried, but pain shot through her wounded thigh and she gasped. Clasping her hands over the gash that had started bleeding again through the already soaked-through bandage, she sounded near tears as she admitted, “Inuyasha, I don’t think I can.” Gritting her teeth against the pain she shot him a helpless look.

Inuyasha grimaced. As much as he wanted to assist her, he knew he wouldn’t be able to support both his weight and hers and he tried to make his voice gentle as he said, “Then scoot down on your ass if you have to, but we have to move, wench.” With that Inuyasha carefully picked his way down the slope, using limbs and trees to keep him from sliding too much until he was safely at the bottom. He looked back to find Kagome doing as he’d suggested, and though she didn’t look too happy about it, she was slowly sliding down on her bottom while at the same time trying to keep her skirt from revealing more than she’d bargained for. He grinned in amusement despite himself then shook his head and went to poke around the rocks and trunk a few feet away.

Immense relief swept through him when he discovered there was a little nook large enough for both of them to hide out in for at least an hour or so and after making sure no animal had sought shelter within, he came back around and found Kagome pale-faced and breathing heavily leaning against the rocks. He hated to make her move even an inch more, but it was necessary.

“A little further, wench,” he told her and she loudly groaned her displeasure before obeying and crawling the small distance where he stood. Inuyasha ducked inside before her and arranged himself so he was facing the opening with his knees bent. With the wood of the truck creating a ceiling of sorts as it jutted out and the rock waling them in it suited their purposes just fine.

Though he doubted she could truly see him in the dark, Kagome was peering at him from the low opening and he beckoned her forward with a wave of his hand. “C’mere,” he muttered and instantly she was crawling the rest of the way in, settling herself between his raised knees and collapsing against his chest with a long, drawn out sigh of relief. He gathered her into his arms as she stretched her leg out and Inuyasha gently probed her thigh, frowning when his fingers touched warm wetness. Shit, she was bleeding again and there wasn’t a damn thing they could do about it, not in this darkness and when they could barely move.

She must have known where his mind wandered off to because Kagome covered his hand where it lay on her thigh and gave it a soft squeeze. “S’okay,” she whispered, seconds from slipping into slumber. “It’ll stop.”

He didn’t say anything and prayed that she wasn’t losing too much blood or infection wasn’t setting in as he dragged the sleeve of his robe over her thighs and pressed it against the wound. She winced softly but otherwise didn’t protest. The injury he’d gotten from the arrow had already clotted, he was sure, so at least he didn’t have to worry about that on top of everything else. Threading their fingers together, Inuyasha swallowed the lump in his throat and pressed his lips to her temple.

“We can only stay for a bit,” he told her. “Just until we get back a little of our strength and we’re not dead on our feet. Get some rest and I’ll wake you in an hour or so, alright?”

Kagome sighed, gave a nearly imperceptible nod, but instead of instantly nodding off like he expected her to, she uttered after a slight hesitation, “…I’m sorry, Inuyasha.”

He cast a puzzled frown at her. “What for?”

Her guilt was obvious as she replied, “If I hadn’t stumbled, if—if I was running faster you wouldn’t have had to—”

“Stop it,” Inuyasha cut her off and tightened his arm around her. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, got it? I told you before, wench, you’re my first priority. Go. To. Sleep. We’ll talk more later.”

Of course she didn’t listen. Had he really expected anything else? “But…but it didn’t have to be Tetsusaiga! You could have used…I don’t know, my shoe or something.”

“Don’t be stupid, Kagome.

“Inuyasha.”

He growled, or at least his human vocal chords made the equivalent of one. “Throwing your shoe would have slowed you down even more, idiot. The forest floor ain’t exactly a grassy meadow.”

She paused and then sounded adorably contrite as she muttered, “Oh.”

Bringing a hand up to tiredly rub his eyes, Inuyasha heaved a sigh and said softly, with more patience than he thought he had, “It’s not like I don’t know where it’s going,” he assured, secretly pleased that she was as worried about his Fang as he was. “They took your bow, didn’t they? So it stands to reason they’ll probably take Tetsusaiga to the stronghold, too. I ain’t too worried. S’not like that Yuu-bastard can use it, and if it turns out a human stole it, I’ll just sniff ‘em out when I’m hanyou again and take it back. No problem.”

Kagome wrinkled her nose and still didn’t sound appeased. “I guess so.”

He rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop his lips from twitching upward. “Keh. I know so, wench. Now would you quit your worryin’ and get some rest? The more time you spend yakkin’, the less time you have to rest and the more tired you’ll be when we get movin’ again.”

In answer Kagome wiggled around to get more comfortable and when she started muttering to herself about how the hard ground made it hard for her to sleep, Inuyasha shook his head and stalled her useless squirming by abruptly lifting her up and shifting around to cross his legs before settling her back down into the cradle of his folded legs. She made a soft noise of appreciation and wrapped her arms around his waist beneath his robe, tucking her head under his chin, and then finally drifting off with a small sigh.

With Kagome wrapped safely in his arms, Inuyasha stayed awake for as long as he could, determined to keep watch and protect his wench, but eventually the lull of sleep was too difficult to fight anymore and with a quiet sigh he closed his eyes and succumbed.

When he woke up a little over an hour later, grateful for his deeply engrained survival instincts for allowing him to set an internal alarm clock of sorts, he was alert within a few seconds and the first thing Inuyasha noticed was that Kagome was awake as well. Surprising, but definitely welcome. Waking Kagome was never a pleasure since it always took two or three tries to rouse her and if she didn’t get enough sleep she was always crabby for the rest of the day.

Now he was just glad he didn’t have to spend time they didn’t have waking her up.

An ache in his neck and shoulders made itself known right then and Inuyasha winced, rolling his shoulders to reduce the stiffness and not for the first time cursing his weak human body for being prone to such aches. What a pain in the ass. And neck. And shoulders. And—

“Hey.”

Settling back against the hard stone, Inuyasha sighed and gave the woman in his lap his full attention. “Hey,” he said and belatedly realized that he could make out Kagome’s features a little better than before. It only served to remind him that time was not on their side. How many more hours until sunrise? Four? Three?

Kagome must have realized the same thing because he felt her tense as she whispered, “I can see you. I mean I could before, sort of, but now it’s…”

Inuyasha’s tone was grim. “Yeah.” He paused. “I’m surprised you’re already awake.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Well, it’s not from lack of trying,” Kagome admitted petulantly and Inuyasha could just make out the pout on her face. “I don’t know if it’s some kind of…deeply rooted survival instinct or something, but it’s like I’m trying to unconsciously distract myself from our less than pleasant situation, because even though I know I need to rest, my brain is like ‘let’s think about that really embarrassing thing you did five years ago that nobody probably even remembers and obsess over it and oh by the way, bugs. Bugs everywhere’ and how the hell am I supposed to sleep with that?”

Inuyasha coughed and turned his head to hide his grin, telling himself it really wouldn’t be a good idea to tell her how cute it was when she cursed because likely he’d received a death glare and threats of bodily harm for his troubles. Still, Inuyasha couldn’t help but liken her righteous indignation to that of a furious kitten.

And forget simple threats of bodily harm if he ever made mention of that; Kagome would inflict bodily harm on him, probably to very sensitive parts on his body, and Inuyasha promptly decided that he had a death wish because why the fuck did he suddenly feel like laughing?

Out of his peripheral he saw Kagome’s eyes narrow suspiciously at him and he fought to school his features. “Problem?” she asked and her tone of voice suggested he answer very carefully.

Clearing this throat, Inuyasha tamped viciously down on his amusement and managed to retain a neutral expression as he finally turned back to her and said, “Nope. So, five years ago, huh?”

Kagome stiffened and he wondered at the blush that stole across her cheeks. “Nothing. Drop it.”

Inuyasha did not drop it. “What was it?”

“What was what?” she asked innocently, pretending to survey the canopy of treetops above them.

“Don’t play dumb, wench.”

Kagome leveled a withering glare at him and growled, “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about, Inuyasha.”

Deciding that he’d probably provoked the furious kitten long enough, Inuyasha finally heeded her less than subtle warning to shut up or else. “I’ll get it out of you yet, wench. Just wait.”

Kagome loudly snorted her opinion of that and ignored Inuyasha’s chuckle.

Shaking his head, Inuyasha sighed and gave his wench a reprieve by asking, “How ya feeling?”

Kagome eyed him for a moment, debating, but when all he did was regard her quietly, she sighed and answered, “Like I can sleep for a week.”

He snorted. His sentiments exactly.

“I’m still sore all over but at least now I think I can stand without face-planting. You? How’s your shoulder?” Without waiting for an answer she slid her hand up his back and tenderly brushed her fingertips across his shoulder blade, her lips pursing in concern when she felt the puckered edges of the hole from the arrow, crusted with dried blood.

To her surprise he let her inspect the wound with her gentle touches for a bit before shrugging his shoulder, dislodging her hand and she obediently brought it back to her lap. “S’fine,” he rumbled. “Stopped bleeding a long time ago. How’s your leg?” He patted her thigh draped over his knee in an absentminded gesture.

Experimentally Kagome shifted her left and predictably her entire thigh protested the movement. She winced and spoke honestly, “Aside from the expected soreness from hard running, it still hurts but at least it stopped bleeding. Still, I’m worried about infection. If only I had some water…”

Inuyasha sighed and regretfully shook his head. “We can’t go actively looking for a water source but if we happen to come across a creek or something we can take advantage of it.” Though he didn’t show it he was just as worried; her wounds did need to be washed and treated before they worsened. “I’m sorry, Kagome. We don’t have—”

“The time, I know,” Kagome finished wearily. “I’m really beginning to hate that word. Dammit, if only they weren’t out looking for us—!”

“There’s no use griping about it now,” Inuyasha interrupted, slightly amused and wondering if she’d been hanging around him too much if she was swearing now. “Besides, even if we could wait around until morning and for me to change back, there’s no telling how Miroku, Sango and Shippou are faring. It’s best we get there as soon as possible.”

Too late he realized his mistake as Kagome sucked in a sharp breath and she tensed against him. “Shippou…”

Inuyasha grimaced and closed his eyes, feeling guilty and damning himself for opening his big damned mouth. “Kagome…” Helplessly he tucked her closer to his chest, wishing he knew what to do, what to say to make it all better.

“I know,” Kagome sniffed and relished the feeling of being in his arms, knowing she was the safest place on earth right now. “I just…I hope they’re okay.”

His sigh ruffled her bangs and she felt the warmth of his lips press against her forehead. “Me, too,” he rumbled and for the next minute the two of them simply sat there, taking advantage in this last bit of peace they weren’t likely to have again for a while.

Then Inuyasha sighed and Kagome knew what he was going to say. “We need to get going. We’ve already hung around here too long.”

“Slave driver,” Kagome said but crawled out of his lap and out of their cozy little niche.

“Keh.”

Inuyasha followed her out, ignoring the various aches and soreness of his muscles as he pushed to his feet and he took a moment to stretch, getting all of the kinks and knots out of his back and heaving a satisfied sigh as his back and neck gave several pops.

Kagome was glaring at him enviously and he couldn’t help himself. He grinned at her.

Apparently the dark had lessened enough for her to make out his features because she snorted before whirling around and stalking off, grumbling under her breath and he didn’t need to hear her to be able to guess what she was grumbling about.

Chuckling he took off after her, pleased to find that his short nap had rejuvenated his strength enough that he felt good about their oncoming mission. He still wasn’t 100% of course, and wouldn’t be until he had his demonic power back, but at least he didn’t feel like he had when Tokajin body slammed him into the ground. All six hundred fucking pounds of him.

Bastard.

They walked for perhaps twenty or so minutes when Inuyasha announced they were closer to the castle than he’d originally thought and then five minutes after that they were relieved to stumble upon a small fresh water stream. They wasted no time in washing out their injuries, using Inuyasha’s suikan to scrub off the dried blood and Kagome was gratified and relieved to find that both of her wounds weren’t infected. Not yet, anyway; there was still a chance but at least the risk had lessened.

They both took the opportunity to scrub off the dirt and grime, and although it was nothing like a real bath, Kagome still felt marginally better a few minutes later when they set off for the stronghold again.

“Do we have a plan?” Kagome asked half an hour later after they finally breeched the tree line and the stronghold where their friends were being kept loomed before them. She tilted her head as she stared at the once majestic castle, wondering how on earth they were going to get inside. She’d forgotten how big the place was and despite it being abandoned for a little over a year now, Kagome was surprised how well kept it looked.

Then again, the only place that was really destroyed was the front part where they battled the Band of Seven so it stood to reason that the rest of the stronghold would remain more or less in one piece.

“Nope,” Inuyasha answered, arms crossed as he gazed up at the sky. He wagered they had about two hours left until dawn, give or take, and Inuyasha wished it was even less time. Before they were using the cover of darkness the moonless night had provided for them in their bid to escape detection by Yuudai’s army, but now that they’d finally arrived at their destination being a hanyou again would sure as hell come in handy right about now.

Kagome nodded absently and chewed her bottom lip, contemplating, before finally giving up with a sigh and gazing at her companion with a hopeless look. “How in the world are we going to get in?”

“Servant’s quarters,” Inuyasha replied without missing a beat and Kagome blinked. Why the hell hadn’t she thought of that?

“They’ll be around the back,” he continued, grabbing her hand and leading her down the slight incline. “I don’t see any of the human warriors, so either the bastard’s arrogant enough that he thinks he doesn’t need the extra protection, or he sent the entire fucking army out looking for us. Damn fool doesn’t even realize how easy he’s making this,” he muttered to himself as he slid the last few feet to the bottom. Kagome gave a squeak as she glided after him and he caught her with an arm around the waist.

“Or,” Kagome said after she regained her bearings and swatted Inuyasha on the chest for that stunt, “his ‘army’ is significantly smaller than we thought.”

Inuyasha paused to consider that and then snorted in amusement. “Either way it makes things simpler. There might be some wandering around inside, though, so stay quiet and alert.”

Kagome rolled her eyes. “Duh.”

Ignoring her and staying low, gesturing for her to do the same, Inuyasha had no trouble finding a weakened section of the tall wooden barrier that surrounded the fortress, which wasn’t all that surprising. In its state of disrepair the entire thing was pretty much useless at this point, but Inuyasha doubted Yuudai chose the place for its sturdy foundations anyway.

After walking the perimeter and staying tight to the outer wall, he found the servant’s entrance in short order, his footsteps light as he navigated the deserted halls, his grip on Kagome’s hand firm, and as they passed through the empty kitchen Inuyasha slowed down and gestured for Kagome to watch her step. Most likely in their haste to flee the massacre Bankotsu had started, the servants had literally dropped everything before turning tail and he made sure to step over the suspicious dark stains on the floor and being careful to not accidently kick some cookware across the floor, thereby making a racket. He honestly couldn’t be sure if the erratically shaped stains on the floor were food or something else, though it didn’t make sense if it was the former. Wouldn’t any food have perished by now? Dried up, eaten by scavengers and rodents? Inuyasha didn’t want to think about it so he didn’t and instead concentrated on making it to the doors across the room.

He was glad Kagome was being extra cautious as well, stepping where he stepped and carefully avoiding the various cookware scattered all over the floor. She nearly stumbled once as she was stepping over a large stain of...something but a sharp twinge in her thigh made her fall short. Inuyasha reacted quickly, whirling around and catching her before she tumbled to the ground and gave away their location.

He glared at her; Kagome blushed guiltily and gestured to her wounded thigh. Inuyasha huffed, gave a short nod before helping her over whatever was on the floor. It was a relief when they finally made it to the double doors that led out into the large dining area, and although they hadn’t had any run-ins with any warriors yet, Inuyasha still couldn’t rule out there not being any wandering the halls as a lazy sort of backup.

Kagome must have realized the same thing because she didn’t try to pass him and push through the doors, but instead crouched next to him and awaited further instruction, however he knew she must have been eager as he to save their friends. They were so damn close, but they couldn’t afford to be reckless or thoughtless. Inuyasha hadn’t survived this long without being careful, and despite not being the most level-headed or thorough when it came to strategizing, he found that his straight-forward, uncomplicated methods usually worked pretty well, if not even better than a detail oriented, thought out plan.

And since they didn’t have the time to sit around and brainstorm out a plan, Inuyasha figured there was no time like the present to fucking wing it and hope for the best.

“Alright,” Inuyasha murmured as he cautiously peered around the edge of the fragmented doorway, missing Kagome’s contemplative look. “My guess is they’ll be in some sort of hold or dungeon, or at the least a guarded room – he’s a cocky bastard, but I don’t think even he would leave prisoners unguarded – so our best bet is to check out the rooms closest to here first.”

“Aren’t dungeons supposed to be underground, or something?” Kagome peeked over his shoulder and attempted to gaze down the hallway.

Inuyasha absentmindedly pushed her back, away from potential threats. “Typically, yeah, but this is a smaller than average sized castle so an underground keep wouldn’t be practical.”

Kagome gaped. “This is a small castle?” she asked incredulously.

Inuyasha frowned at her. “Have you seen where Sesshomaru lives?”

Kagome bilked and promptly closed her mouth. “Um, right.”

Rolling his eyes, Inuyasha looked back out into the hallway; no patrolling soldiers as of yet so it looked like luck was on their side. “Looks like we’re clear,” he said and inched forward. “Stay behind me and let’s make this quick. The sooner we’re outta here the—”

“Inuyasha, wait.”

He whipped his head around to stare at her, brows snapping low over his eyes as he scowled. “Whaddaya mean wait? We don’t have the—Kagome—”

Kagome took his hand, halting his protests. “Please, just…hear me out, okay?”

Violet eyes regarded her silently for a moment, confusion mixed with irritation, before he sighed and rolled his hand at her in the universal “get on with it” gesture.

Biting down on her lip as she deliberated on what to say, how to best approach this, Kagome took one look at the impatience clearly etched onto Inuyasha’s expression and sighed in defeat. There was no easy way to say this, so might as well get it over with and endure the inevitable blowup.

Locking gazes with him, Kagome sucked in a breath and said, “I think…we should split up.”

Telling him that she was suddenly deeply in love with Jaken would have had a lesser effect.

Kagome watched with growing trepidation as Inuyasha’s eyes grew were impossibly large, the color drained from his face, and his mouth opened and closed as he tried to absorb the complete and utter bullshit she just spouted to him.

Then finally, “You want to WHAT?!”

Kagome flinched and frantically waved her hands at him, wide eyes flicking to the doorway. “Shhh!”

“Wench, are you out of your goddamn mind?! Fuck no, we ain’t splitting up! What the fuck are you—we’re in the middle of dangerous enemy territory and you want to separate us?!”

Desperately hoping Inuyasha’s outburst hadn’t attracted unwanted attention, Kagome lunged forward and clamped a hand over his mouth, her expression urgent. “Inuyasha, please—!”

Releasing what Kagome would have described as a growl had he been in his hanyou form, Inuyasha grabbed her wrist and yanked her hand down. “Dammit, wench, how could you—I’m not gonna—we’re not—No!” He glowered at her and Kagome recognized that particular expression: End. Of. Discussion.

This time, however, she didn’t give in, determined to get her point across. “Inuyasha, please, listen to me! I wouldn’t bring it up if I didn’t think it was important!” Her eyes begged him, pleaded to let her explain before he shut her out completely.

Inuyasha clamped his mouth shut and glared at her in stony silence.

Kagome winced, knowing he wasn’t happy with her, but taking his silence as acquiesce – however reluctant it was – she took his hand in both of hers again and began, “Think about it, Inuyasha. If we split up we’d be able to cover more ground and find the others quickly. You said it yourself, right? We don’t have a lot of time and this is the most logical way to utilize what little time we do have.”

He clenched his jaw and turned his head, avoiding her earnest gaze.

Desperate, she tried again. “Inuyasha, I’m not saying this because I want to be away from you,” she said softly and was rewarded with a miniscule softening of his features. She leaned closer and tipped him a small smile, “I trusted you whole-heartedly back in the forest and you’ve gotten us this far. Can’t you trust me on this? Please?”

Inuyasha grimaced and closed his eyes. Dammit, why’d she have to go and use the trust card on him? Ducking his head, he opened his eyes and stared down at their hands, his larger one cradled within her soft palms and his heart clenched in his chest. He did trust her. With his life, but…god, what if something happened?

Feeling like she was finally getting to him, Kagome scooter closer and squeezed his hand. “Plus,” she continued softly. “This way it’ll also give you the opportunity to look for Tetsusaiga.”

Inuyasha’s eyes snapped wide and he jerked his head up to gawp at her. Clearly he hadn’t thought of that.

She smiled again. “Even if it’s not here, one of us is bound to come across Sango and the others at some point. And after you’re hanyou again, it’ll be easy to track down those samurai and get back your sword back. After all, no human is a match for the great, strong, brave hanyou Inuyasha.”

Inuyasha snorted and leveled her with a look that told her plainly that he knew what she was trying to do and he didn’t buy her innocent smile for a second. Shaking his head, Inuyasha grimaced and shifted his hand so he could thread his fingers through hers and hold on tightly. Dammit, what she said made a hell of a lot of sense and he’d be a fool if he didn’t seriously consider it. But still…

“Kagome…” His voice sounded tortured and Kagome knew this was a hard decision for him to simply accept, even if all the signs pointed to success.

Kagome gazed at him with gentle eyes, her smile a little sad. “I know,” she breathed, “But this isn’t about what we want, Inuyasha. It’s about what we need to do. And you know I’m right.”

Inuyasha gazed at her in silence a moment longer, his dark eyes troubled, but then he heaved a heavy sigh and Kagome knew she’d won. Without warning he pulled his hand from hers and yanked her into his arms, crushing her against his chest and she automatically returned his embrace, burying her face into his shoulder.

“I hate it when you do that,” he whispered in her ear and despite herself Kagome gave a soft laugh. “Fine, wench. We’ll split up, but you have to promise me you’ll be careful, alright? I mean it, you fucking run and start calling for me if there’s even the smallest chance of danger. I won’t be there to protect you and if you find them before me, you find somewhere to hide, quickly, until I find you guys. Understood?” He pulled back and grasped her shoulders tightly, his eyes intense as they bore into own. His jaw was clenched and his lips were a tight line, his fingers digging into her shoulders. His worry was evident, the terror that something would happen to her that he couldn’t prevent eating him inside and something warm blossomed in Kagome’s chest.

Stupidly she felt like crying as she raised her hands and circled his wrists with her fingers, not unlike hours ago when they first discovered their friends were being kept here. “I promise. You be careful too, okay?” She offered him a trembling smile. “I won’t be there to stop you from carrying out your stupid impulses.”

Inuyasha barked out a brief laugh and before he even knew what he was doing he leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss over her lips, once, twice, then pulled back not without a blush. He noted with some pleasure that Kagome’s was darker. “Keh. Just…” He trailed off, looking like he wanted to dive in again for a much deeper taste, but then much to Kagome’s disappointment he made a face and released her before abruptly standing and stepping out into the hallway.

He cast her one last glance. “Don’t die, wench,” he rasped and then stomped down the hallway, not particularly caring if he attracted some poor sod’s attention. He could use a good fight right about now.

“You, too,” she whispered, wanting to launch herself after him and beg him to go with her, but knowing she couldn’t. Sighing, she forced her gaze away from his retreating figure and stood up, clutching the doorframe as she leaned around to gaze down the opposite end of the hallway and completely missing how Inuyasha hesitated at the end of the corridor.

She had just gathered up the courage to step out into the hallway when she suddenly heard a lurid curse from the other end and then footsteps stomping back toward her.

Startled Kagome turned her head to find Inuyasha determinedly striding back toward her, jaw set, eyes locking in hers and her mouth parted in wonder.

“Inuyasha? What—”

Before she could finish Inuyasha grabbed her shoulders, shoved her back inside the dark room and spun her around to pin her against the wall before grasping her chin in his hand and crushing her mouth under his.

Kagome reacted instantly, melting against him with a whimper, digging her hands into his hair and returning his kiss with a heated fervor that could only originate from a long suppressed desire for this sort of intimacy and the thought made Inuyasha groan as he dropped his arms to circle her waist and haul her tight up against him. He plied her mouth open with his tongue, needing to taste her with a savage urgency that roared through his veins, his hunger for her desperate, endless.

Kagome moaned and he swallowed the sound. Arching her back she pressed into him, tilting her head, gasping as he plundered her mouth, sending heat spiraling through her body and then suddenly his hands were cupping her ass and he was lifting her up against him, urging her legs around his hips and Kagome complied without a second thought.

Inuyasha broke away, his breathing labored as he growled against her lips, “I swear to fucking god, wench, if something happens to you—”

Hands cupping the back of his neck Kagome tugged him back, claiming his mouth in another torrid kiss that bespoke of her own fears and concerns, nipping his bottom lip, sucking gently, and then drawing the tip of her along across the sensitive flesh. Inuyasha groaned and took over, bracing her against the wall as one hand came up to tangle in her hair and angle her head so he could assault her mouth once again.

They stood there for an unknown amount of time, clinging to each other, kissing over and over, some desperate and hard, while others were slow, lazy and maddeningly hot. Eventually a warning bell went off in Inuyasha’s mind and with great reluctance he finally pulled back, his breathing rough as he rested his forehead against hers.

“You come back to me, dammit,” he rasped, violet eyes boring into hers intensely and promising swift retribution if she did not heed his demand. God, he didn’t know what he’d do if…

Kagome huffed a breath that might have been a laugh and tipped him a small smile. “Only if you promise to come back to me,” she breathed and feathered another kiss across his lips.

Inuyasha grunted. “Deal, wench.” Allowing her to slide down his body and trying to ignore how good it felt, he stood there for a moment, savoring the feel of her against him, her taste on his lips and unable to deny himself one last taste, he dipped his head and gave her one last lingering kiss.

Fuck, it was so hard to leave her.

Greedily Kagome reveled in his kiss, pressing her hands flat against his chest, not wanting to be apart from him either, and before she could convince him to stay with a deeper kiss Inuyasha abruptly broke away and left without a single backward glance.

Kagome sighed and leaned against the wall to catch her breath and regroup her brain cells that Inuyasha had scattered with his thorough and passionate kisses. Her lips were swollen and tingling, and for a brief moment she allowed herself to remember the feeling of him pressed so heatedly against her. Good lord, but if that wasn’t incentive to come back unscathed…

Fighting against the urge to giggle, Kagome shook her head, braced herself and finally stepped out into the hallway, her footsteps light as she wandered down the corridor and not daring to look in Inuyasha’s direction for fear of screwing the plan and charging after him.

Per her word, Kagome was extra cautious as she wandered the halls, peeking around corners, keeping her footsteps light – she’d ditched her shoes once she realized it was difficult to be stealthy with them on and figured she can just go back for them later – and ghosting across rooms, keeping an eye and ear out for anything that would lead her toward their friends. Her heart always pounded whenever she rounded a corner, uncertain what she would encounter as her flight or fight response kicked in. But then every time an empty corridor would greet her and nobody would burst through the door and she’d heave a sigh of relief before the whole damn thing started all over again a few minutes later.

It was nerve-wracking, for sure, but she would take chancing the unknown any day over encountering a patrolling samurai.

Kagome climbed up a short flight of stairs and tried not to think of what Inuyasha was doing or how he was faring, wondering if he’d managed to find Tetsusaiga or not. Every time she passed a window she was reminded of him, the sky getting steadily lighter until Kagome suspected dawn was very soon, perhaps in the next half hour or so.

Be safe, Inuyasha, she thought and distracted as she was with thoughts about her hanyou, Kagome rounded the corner without checking first...and stopped dead when her eyes landed on the solitary samurai standing before a set of double doors.

Unsurprisingly he noticed her presence immediately and shifted his stance, turning to face her as he lifted his weapon. It looked like some kind of spear.

“Hey, you!” he barked and Kagome reacted without thinking.

“Please!” Kagome cried and ran toward the guard, who lost his scowl at her plea and blinked at her in confusion. “Please help me! I’m being chased by a terrible youkai and—and I’m lost, I’ve been wandering this place for hours trying to find somebody to help me!” Kagome skidded to a stop in front of him and reached up curl her fingers over the top of his chest plate, peering up at him with wide eyes. “Please, you’re the first person—man I’ve come across and I’m so scared!” She said the last part on an exaggerated sob and as she willed her eyes to tear up, Kagome mentally thanked her mother for being adamant that she signed up for the drama club in school a few years ago.

Thrown for a loop, the guard gaped down at her and it was clear he definitely hadn’t been expecting this. But, he did lower his weapon and didn’t look suspicious at her fabricated story so that was certainly a plus. But then his demeanor completely changed, going from puzzled to tough-guy within the span of a few seconds and Kagome could have sworn he just puffed his chest out a little.

“A youkai, you say? Where is it?” Drawing himself up to his astounding height of what Kagome guessed to be 5’9 – Kagome had to suppress a laugh because Inuyasha had him beat by about five inches – the samurai adapted a fierce look of determination and Kagome inwardly smiled.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Sucker, she thought. Aloud and acting every bit the damsel she said, “I—I don’t know,” she stammered and took a step closer to him, tilting her head up and peering up at him from under thick sooty lashes. “But I know I have nothing to fear when there’s such a big, strong warrior like you to protect me. Right?” She moved her hands to his shoulders and smiled demurely up at him and when she saw him flick his gaze down to her cleavage, framed by the loose collar of Inuyasha’s kosode, Kagome mentally cheered.

He made no attempt to hide the fact that he was blatantly staring at her chest and Kagome was suddenly very glad Inuyasha was not here to witness this; she had no doubt that if he had been this man’s remains would be splattered across the wall right now, despite Inuyasha only being a human.

“Uh...that’s right,” he finally said and managed to drag his eyes back to her face. Then he grinned lasciviously, seemingly forgetting there was evidently a youkai running around somewhere that he should probably take care of. “Yeah, don’t you worry, sweet thing,” he drawled arrogantly and Kagome barely refrained from rolling her eyes. “I’ll protect you. Just stay with me and you won’t hafta be afraid no more.” He looked down at her chest again, his interest glaringly obvious.

Trying not to cringe, Kagome’s smile turned sultry as she slid her hands down his armored chest to the waistband of his trousers. “Oh,” she cooed. “My hero. How can I ever...repay you?” Suggestively pressing herself against him Kagome bit down on her lip and tried to come off as shyly seductive while inwardly she was fighting back her gag reflex.

He actually licked his lips as his eyes greedily stared at her breasts and his spear hit the floor with a clatter as he released it to bring is hands up, tugging at the knot that secured the garment in place. “Well I have a few ideas,” he said and chuckled a little darkly as he plucked at the knot with one hand while the other dragged down the collar and exposed her bra.

Kagome shuddered in revulsion and hoped he thought it was from excitement. He didn’t falter from his task so he probably did. Telling herself this was necessary, that Miroku, Sango, and Shippou were probably just beyond those doors, Kagome slyly loosened the obi securing his pants, trying very, very hard to ignore how...excited he was.

Ew, ew, ew, ew! Bracing herself, flexing her fingers and trying not to hurl everywhere, Kagome bit her lip and purred, “I’m very sorry about this.”

The samurai blinked and gazed at her with a puzzled frown. “What?”

The poor man’s only warning was an innocent smile before mind-numbing, excruciating pain had him releasing a shrill screech that reached an octave Kagome would category as “window-shattering.” His face went bleach white, tears leaked from his eyes and Kagome jerked her hand from his pants just as he went to cup himself. It seemed he was choking for breath as he fell to his knees, mouth opening and closing soundlessly and his eyes were unseeing as he stared at nothing before promptly falling over onto his side and convulsing in agony.

Kagome winced, and although she sincerely hoped she hadn’t just destroyed his ability to father children someday, her sympathies went no further than that. He assisted in kidnapping her friends, after all; as far as she was concerned he had it coming.

Disregarding the softly keening man on the floor, Kagome stepped around him and wasn’t surprised to find the doors locked, but it was a locking mechanism she’d never seen before. It sort of reminded her of a modern lock in that it looked like it required a key of some sort, but it didn’t look very sturdy. Actually it looked relatively easy to break however that didn’t exactly bring any measure comfort because it meant, since they hadn’t already, her friends were somehow incapable of breaking down the door themselves and it sent a cold feeling of dread coursing through her.

Acting fast and with zero hesitation Kagome scooped up the discarded weapon, aimed the pointed end toward the locking device, and releasing a harsh battle cry Kagome promptly thrust the spear into the weak metal with as much force as she was able.

The weak metal gave, breaking apart and scattering onto the floor but Kagome didn’t take the time to relish in her victory. Clutching the spear in her hand, she tore open the doors and dashed inside, wielding the weapon before her and instinctively falling into a battle stance she’d seen Inuyasha take many times. Her expression was fierce, determined, ready and willing to fight for her friends’ lives.

Part 2

#out of time #oneshot #inuyasha #kagome #inukag #keizfanfiction #fanfiction #thank #FUCKING #GOD #THIS IS DONE #it was legit taking over my life #you have no idea

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almostviki · 6 years

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pursed

mmmmmm hello ya’ll. shit’s been wild. um this is 1-2 days late for this exchange (let’s see if this goes up after midnight or not) so I’m incredibly sorry to @swlotakulady34 34 on tumblr for the delay! anyway this is a shortened version of the original concept because i could not get the ending to work out the way i wanted it to so i just cut out the whole thing lmao. the editing’s a bit jank and i swear i’ll fix it later and also probably addd a sequel bc this is mad unfinished and weirdly enough, i feel like this doesn’t even actually answer ur prompt that well because i’m so bad at writing fluff but anyway here’s ur hurt/comfort fic i hope you like it and that everyone else does too!

Title: pursed

Genre: Angst (I really tried to make it fluffy but it wasn’t working out)

Word count: 3,184

Summary: The situation is this: Logan and Patton have been dating for two years and three months when they meet Virgil and Roman. Six months later, Patton asks Logan permission to date them, and Logan reluctantly agrees. Two months after that, the nightmares start again.

Or: Logan is insecure and bad at communicating his needs.

Ao3 Link!

Patton shoved his wallet and phone in his back pocket and bustled around the kitchen, searching for his keys.

"I don't know if I'm going to stay the night," he said. "I'll text you later if it looks like I'm staying."

"Alright." Logan was stirring soup in a pot, eyes fixed determinedly on the individual bubbles rising and popping, the surface of the water rising and falling as steam expanded, and tried to suppress the feeling of his own hot gas rising in his chest. This wasn't Patton's first time visiting Roman and Virgil's apartment. He went there with enough frequency that he had a small stash of his own clothes at their place, a fact which unsettled Logan in a way he didn't want to analyze.

"If I stay, I'll be back tomorrow morning, so we can go to lunch before your calculus class because isn't your test tomorrow?"

"Yes. It's at eleven."

"I'll be back by ten, then." Patton stopped rushing around in time to shoot Logan a reassuring smile. "You'll do great though. I know you will."

Logan knew, too. If there was one class he wasn't worried about failing, it was mathematics. He returned Patton's smile with one of his own and turned off the heat on the pot.

"Don't worry if you're late," he said, taking in deep breaths to disguise the unsureness of the words. "I'll understand if you'd spend the morning with them."

"No, I'll be on time. You're still important to me, Logan. I said we're having lunch together and we are." Patton sighed, running his hands through his hair. "I don't get the feeling that you're comfortable with this. Do you need me here tonight? Maybe I shouldn't go."

Logan was either very good at controlling his facial features or he had grown too tired to emote regardless, because he didn't think any of the truth of Patton's words showed on his face.

"You didn't manipulate my actions, Patton. I want you to go on this date because it would make you happy. As your boyfriend, it's part of my job to support you."

"But I don't want you to think I'm not putting you first. I'm going to call them and cancel."

Logan grabbed Patton's wrist before he could reach behind him to get his phone. "No, you won't. I'm not an egocentric child. I can handle having my boyfriend go on dates and I can handle spending the night alone. Don't alter your plans because of me."

"Logan, I just-" Patton stopped mid-sentence, searching Logan's eyes for answers. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"We're okay," Logan said, and if Patton noticed he didn't answer the question he didn't get the opportunity to pry. Logan turned Patton by the shoulders and pushed him in the direction of the door. "Enjoy yourself. Tell Virgil I said hello."

"What about Roman?"

"I have nothing to say to him."

Patton cracked a smile and kissed Logan gently on the cheek. "Be nice. I love you. See you in the morning." He picked up his backpack from the door and was gone.

Logan waited fifteen minutes for Patton to forget something and burst back into the apartment before releasing the breath he'd been holding. He wanted so badly to throw his mixing spoon across the room, to dump out the pot on the stove onto the tiled kitchen floor and let the broth spread over the kitchen like a violently expanding oil slick, to turn the burner back on and place his hands directly on top and wait until his skin was charred and his hands and head were finally numb to pain. Logan hadn't been lying; he wanted Patton to go on dates with other people. He wanted Patton to be happy. He just hadn't known making Patton happy would hurt so bad, feel so isolating. The apartment had never felt emptier. There were still bubbles popping on the surface of the broth, but it felt colder than it had just moments ago. If he tasted it, Logan was sure it would be bland.

Dimly, Logan wondered what Patton was eating for dinner. Probably something sweet with Virgil's fingerprints on it. It made Logan want to throw up.

Logan and Patton met in freshman year, when both of their respective roommates dropped out and they were forced to room together second semester. Logan's previous roommate tended to keep to himself, and they mostly only exchanged greetings when coming or going. Patton was decidedly the opposite of that. He was a dance major, and somehow his four-hour practices never depleted his boundless supply of energy. Logan sometimes thought Patton managed to put extra hours into his day, because he was in a borderline excessive amount of clubs and weekend expos but still managed to keep up with his schoolwork and find time to laze around the dorm doing nothing. He was also too nice. He would go out for food and bring Logan something as well and then not let Logan pay him back.

"I just noticed you haven't left the room except to go to class," he said, holding out the bag. "Gotta keep your energy up if you want all that studying to mean anything."

Logan bit back a question about how he could possibly know that when Patton himself had hardly set foot in their dorm since sunrise, but he accepted the food graciously and ate it all, just to please him. He pretends he doesn't notice how their fingers brush in the handoff, or how bright Patton's eyes look when Logan takes anything he gives him.

Three weeks before the end of term, after a dozen more food runs and late nights, Patton set down Logan's coffee with a smile and turned to head to practice.

"Hey, Patton," Logan said, unable to contain it anymore.

"Yeah?" Patton said, stopping midstep.

"You know you don't have to buy me coffee, right? The coffee shop is down the street, and we also have a coffeemaker in our dorm, so it's a waste of money."

"Yes, but the coffeemaker doesn't make it the way you like it," Patton pointed out. "So I take the liberty of getting you something you want."

"But I never asked you to do that."

"I want to," Patton said, uncharacteristically tired. "Don't you get it Logan? I want to do things for you."

Logan didn't know how to handle to excessive emotion in Patton's voice, so he just swallowed and nodded, and Patton breathed out heavily and went to practice.

Four days later, Logan set a banana smoothie hesitantly on Patton's desk when he returned from his morning calculus class.

"If we are expressing affection through the exchange of food," Logan said, trying not to sound as nervous as he felt. "Then I would like to, um, reciprocate."

Patton blinked up at him, but then his smile stretched so wide Logan worried he'd be blinded.

"Thank you, Logan," Patton said. He picked up the smoothie and took a sip.

They were good for two years before it all came crashing down.

"We need to talk," Patton said one day as they were eating dinner on the couch. He'd made spaghetti, which he only does on days he wants to eat with chopsticks, despite Logan telling him numerous times that these are "not that kind of noodle". Logan froze, then set his pasta down and turned to Patton.

"Is something bothering you?"

The look on Patton's face was one of apprehension, and even though Logan has seen Patton nervous over the smallest of things, this fear sits deeper in Logan's gut because it's him Patton is scared of. Logan feels dirty and guilty in equal measure.

"I have a crush on Virgil and Roman," Patton finally said

Logan looked at him for a minute, processing the words over and over and still not able to find the correct meaning.

"What?"

"I have for a while now." Patton didn't look at him; his eyes flit across his food, the TV remote, the door, anywhere but Logan's face. "I thought it would go away but...it didn't." He must've caught Logan's rapidly closing expression in the corner of his eye because he was quick to reassure. "I didn't act on it. I wouldn't do that to you. But I can't hide it anymore so...I just wanted you to know."

Logan blinked, feeling as if the piece of his brain that's supposed to tell him how to react to this has atrophied in his skull. "Are you polyamorous?"

Patton shifted uncomfortably. "Can't say I've put a lot of thought into it. I've only been panicking about this for a week or two."

"What were...what do you want to do about it?"

Patton's hands dug into his sweater. "I won't do anything about it if you don't want me to."

What a cop-out.

Logan had met Roman and Virgil. He didn't dislike them, but he also didn't know them that well. They were Patton's friends, not his. Now he wished he'd gone out more with them, that he'd accepted Patton's invitations to see movies and get pizza, because maybe then he wouldn't have such a twisted, dark-faced image of both of them. His entire being trembled with a foreign and ugly emotion. Patton, for his part, didn't react. He waited, still and silent, for Logan to push back down his frightening emotions and take a deep breath.

"Thank you for your honesty," he said, "but I need time." His voice sounded painfully formal with how tight it was but if he let a single shred of feeling into his voice he would self-destruct.

"Of course," Patton said, nodding quickly. "Whatever you need." And it occurred to Logan that Patton thought he'd be angry, thought they might break up over this, but the thought of breaking up with Patton, of living without him, is too bizarre to even consider.

"I'm not upset," he said softly. "But this is a lot to process."

"I understand." Patton matched his volume and tone. He always was a good energy-matcher, great at reading moods and adjusting his own behavior to complement Logan's. Not that this skill comes into play often; Logan made it a habit to always remain as neutral as possible.

"I love you," Logan tried, and the soft smile Patton gave him evaporates some weight from his chest.

"I love you, too."

And just like that, the decision was already made.

Roman was loud and brash and stuck too stubbornly to unfounded opinions. In the beginning it grated on Logan's nerves like nothing else. Logan tried to at least be cordial, to not make this harder than it had to be, but he didn't exactly know what the protocol is for interacting with the people your boyfriend is dating. Roman is taller and louder than Logan and has more arrogance in his pinkie finger than Logan has encountered in the sum total of his life. Patton was enamored by him. Roman's boyfriend, however, was a polar opposite. He was slightly shorter and ganglier than Roman, sometimes looking as if he was swimming in his hoodies and sweaters. He trailed behind Roman quietly most times, but when he had something to say, all he has to do is touch Roman's arm and he'd fall silent, giving Virgil his full attention. Their dynamic is tight, solid like the floors under Logan's feet or the walls around him, and just watching them together, feeding off each other in a perfect loop, made Logan feel immensely off-balance.

Logan's phone dinged with a text message from Patton, telling Logan he made it to Virgil and Roman's apartment safely. All the energy in Logan's body went towards sending an affirmative response. He dished out the soup he made for dinner and sat on the couch, letting the hot bowl warm his numb hands. He didn't want to eat, or study, or do anything. Most distinctly, he wanted to not feel like he's being abandoned for no good reason at all.

It was only six-thirty but he put his bowl in the fridge and went to bed.

At midnight, he woke up with a scream on the edge of his lips, sheets damp with sweat. He wasn't crying or shaking or digging his nails into his skin, so it could be worse, all things considered. He can still hear the taunts in the corner of his mind, see the disappointed frown burned into his retinas. Patton's voice echoed in his ears, a mockery of his true tone, yet the words are incisions in Logan's skin, whispers of clingy, indecisive, possessive. It might've been five minutes before he found the strength to get up. It might've been an hour. Logan's grasp on time tends to get a little shaky at times like this.

As quietly as he can, he stripped from his sweat-soaked clothes and showered, trying not to scrape his skin raw with the stress of his fingernails. and even though the water is scalding he still has gooseflesh on his arms. He didn't cry though. Patton has some kind of sixth sense for when Logan is crying and Logan definitely doesn't want Patton to find him now, definitely doesn't want Patton to ask him what's wrong with those honest eyes of his that make Logan feel guilty for having secrets. So he doesn't cry. He doesn't go back to sleep either. Instead, he walked to their small bookcase and took everything off of it and reorganized it. Up until that point, it was organized by color, but seeing the blocks of red and purple made him sick to his stomach. In the morning Patton would see it, and he'd know that Logan didn't get any sleep, but at right then Logan's biggest concern was quelling the stress building in his chest. He put them in alphabetical order, the correct order, he convinced himself, but then doubted himself and sorted them by date of publication. By the time the sun has risen, his hands had stopped shaking and his heart wasn't beating out of his chest anymore, but he felt as if he'd been awake for much longer than one night.

He's no stranger to nightmares. He used to get night terrors all the time as a kid. He'd wake up screaming and crying, with no air in his lungs and fire crawling up his skin. He hardly remembered the dreams then but he remembered the unadulterated panic that followed, and his mother would grab him in her arms and soothe him softly until he wasn't shaking and his heart wasn't beating out of his chest.

Over time the night terrors lessened into ordinary nightmares, which meant he didn't wake up screaming like he was dying, but on the downside, he remembered these dreams. Formless, plotless, sometimes just swatches of color on a blank background mixing and crashing themselves into a crime scene. When he was nine he woke up and vomited on the floor of his bedroom, hair practically standing on end. That was when his mother's patience ran out.

"Clean up your mess," she said without emotion. "You really should get a handle on this, Logan. Whatever is troubling you, fix it."

So Logan cleaned up his own vomit and threw his clothes in the wash and sat on his bed, afraid of going to sleep for fear of waking up again worse than before. He dragged himself out of bed and padded to the living room, where his parents kept a giant bookshelf that was mostly decorative, but the books on it were definitely real. He picked out a random book on sociology and started reading, even though he didn't understand over half of the words in it. As long as he was avoiding sleep, he might as well do something useful with his time.

Nothing helped. Not village remedies of teas and meditation, not medicines, not simply staying awake until he thought he was too tired to dream. His psychiatrist told him at age thirteen that he was internalizing too many of his feelings and they were now manifesting in a negative light. Logan didn't see how that could be possible. How could he be internalizing feelings when his mother always said he didn't have any?

Now in his dreams, his mother's pursed lips were replaced by Patton's narrowed eyes, her silent judgment overshadowed by Roman's biting tone and Virgil standing with his hood up, face hidden to shadows. Instead of birthdays, he fears disappointing math tests and home-cooked meals with no one at the table with him. The only thing that stays constant is a door that slams over and over again, a thousand times in his lifetime, and absence of countless figures followed by Patton walking out the door, leaving him and his smoothies behind, telling Logan that he'd always liked the other two better anyway.

His fingers itch to call Patton. Logan throws the phone across the room. He's not going to call Patton because Patton is staying the night at Virgil and Roman's apartment and Logan doesn't want to ruin that, and anyway if he calls Patton he'll probably wake up the others and then they'll be asking after him, their fake worry indiscernible to the naked eye from their truthful concern. If he calls Patton he'll be admitting that he's weak, that he can't handle himself, that even though he's twenty years old he still has night terrors that leave him too scared to move or think and then Patton will leave him because he's been wasting his time.

Even worse: Patton won't be mad. He'll come home and wrap Logan up like his mom used to do before things went bad. Logan will tell him what he's scared of and Patton will reassure him that he's making things up, that he doesn't love Logan any less now that he's also dating two other people, And then Logan will cry, not because he's relieved but because he's nervous and biding his time for the escape. Because it took two years for him to realize how fragile everything is around him.

He won't call Patton because whether his boyfriend picks up the phone or not shouldn't wreck him the way it will either way.

Patton makes it home by 9:30 and finds Logan on the couch.

"You look tired," he said, immediately concerned. "Did you even sleep?"

"I've been up a while revising," Logan says, and Patton's lips form a thin line. They look just like they do in Logan's dreams.

"Okay," Patton says, unconvinced. "You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?

"Of course," Logan says, and crossed out another equation on his notes. "But I assure you I"m in perfect condition. How were Roman and Virgil?"

Patton's eyes light up as he begins to talk, and Logan thinks of boiling soup, closes his eyes, and holds his tongue between his teeth with all the control he can muster.

#my writing #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #logicality #does this even obey the prompt #i doubt it

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