#Either we made some very bad party choices at some point or we have strong memory issues

[jerandtheincidentals]

https://www.reddit.com/r/phineasandferb/comments/13xvug3/busted_some_canderemy_fan_art_i_made/

Do you remember this happening?!

-@ducky-momo-fangirl

Uh... I don't think so? Should we ask your brothers if there's any records of that?

[thebestofoneshots]

Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 8.2 K Warnings: None Prompt: It's time to get back at Severus for being a constant ass... This IS a Wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it. Proofread by lovely: @aremuslupinsimp

Chapter 37: Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (A Man After Midnight)

You had retired to one of the tables alongside Remus to explain your plan. It was simple enough to execute, and it wouldn’t cause any harm. Well, as long as Ackley’s prank treats didn’t cause any harm, since your entire plan depended on those. 

 “You think it’ll work?” you asked him. 

He bit his lip, a small frown adorning his handsome features as he thought about it, about 5 seconds later he nodded, a small smile spreading on his lips. “You’re a brilliant little witch, aren’t you?” 

You beamed at his praise, standing just a bit straighter  as he said it, and leaned in just a little closer to him, cheeks brushing against each other as you went over the plan by whispering into each other’s ear. 

“Mister Lupin, Miss (Y/LN), pleasure to see you here,” a voice said from behind. You turned to your teacher with a smile. 

“Professor Slughorn, we must thank you for the invitation.” 

He nodded, “Oh no, the gratitude is mine, such a lovely presence adorning the party,” he said. “I see you’ve made an interesting choice,” he said, now turning straight to you, “How did Mister Black take it?” 

Remus looked at you from the side, seeming weary at Slughorn’s question, you simply smiled at the teacher, “Sirius is more than okay with it,” you reassured. “In fact, he did mention he wasn’t a big fan of Christmas parties.”

Slughorn raised his eyebrows and nodded, you tightened your smile, then another wizard approached Slughorn. “Ah, Roan,” he said with a smile as he pulled the young man and placed a hand on his back, having him face the two of you, “These are some of my best students,” he said pointing at both you and Remus. “Exceptional Wizards,” he praised, “Remus is clever and strong, and this young lady here is brilliant at charms and hexes, I would know, she accidentally hexed one of my kids,” he said, hailing the way you had confringoed Evan. “Very advanced spells I tell you, they would both be brilliant additions to your department,” he said. 

The man smiled, he was slightly shorter than Remus, but held his head high with a smile and a rather prideful look, not in a bad way though, Roan, reminded you a lot of Nightshade actually, that same regal look, thought his hair was a lighter brown and his skin was a lot more tan in comparison to her. He extended his hand to Remus. “Roan Elnore,” he said, “pleasure to meet you both.” Once he shook Remus’ hand, he extended it towards you. His hand was rough and strong, on the smaller side compared to your boys’ thought. 

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Elnore,” you responded.

“Please, call me Roan,” he said with a laugh, “Mr. Elnore is my father.” 

“Roan,” you said with a smile, you didn’t miss the way Remus stepped closer to you after that, as if protectively, or perhaps, possessively. Roan didn’t miss it either and he took a short step back, that’s when you noticed a sharp claw mark that shone from behind his ear to almost the front of his neck, it was outside of Remus’ field of vision, and you weren’t sure if Roan had purposely moved his head in such a way that’d you’d have to notice or if you had just perceived it that way. 

But the scar almost made you lean closer, it was dreadfully similar to the ones that covered Remus’ body, and to the three –now healing– marks across your arm. You almost stepped closer to try and perceive it better but held back when you realised, again, that Remus’ shoulder was almost in front of yours, impeding you from walking any closer. 

“Your department?” Remus asked.

Slughorn smiled as if he had been waiting for one of you to ask. “Ah yes, Roan here, works for the ministry, why don’t you tell them all about it while I go greet some more guests?” Slughorn said as he patted Roan on the back and moved to talk to some other students. 

Roan laughed awkwardly, “Some things never change, do they?” he said with an awkward smile, “I work for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures,” he said with a smile, Remus tensed and it was you who stepped closer to him this time around. 

“Oh, really?” you said, mustering a charming smile as you attempted to divert the attention from Remus, “And what do you do?” 

“I oversee the Registry of Dangerous Creatures,” he said simply. “We basically have to make sure all creatures like goblins, giants, trolls, dragons, werewolves, etc. are identified and–” 

You could feel Remus tense even further and you casually dragged your hand to his, taping your finger over his until he wrapped it around yours, you tightened it reassuringly. “Punished?” Remus offered. 

“Salazar No!” Roan answered as he shook his head, “I know some people who despise dangerous magical creatures, yes, but while they are dangerous because it’s in their nature, it doesn’t mean they’re not either provoked or without the capacity to control themselves,” he explained. “Werewolves, for example, can be extremely dangerous, but only a few times a year.”

You smiled at that, “Yeah, I agree,” you responded. “Most ‘dangerous’ magical creatures are only such a thing because we have invaded their natural habitat and provoked them.” 

“Exactly!” Roan said as he leaned onto you, clearly happy that you understood exactly what he meant. “It’s what I’ve been trying to convince the ministry of,” he explained, “It’s a tough battle, but I don’t plan on giving up.” 

“We’d both be pleased to help,” you said with a smile, now paying a closer look to his scar, it most definitely looked werewolf-infringed. 

“Roan, darling!” you heard a familiar voice approach and were slightly taken aback when you witnessed the way Seraphina wrapped her arms around the young man and pulled him into a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” 

“I wanted to surprise you,” he said with a smile, looking at her with adoration. You turned to Remus and he gave you an equally confused look. 

Roan pressed a short kiss to her lips and then turned back to you, “Do you also teach this young couple? Slughorn was giving me all sorts of praises for the two of them.” 

Remus pulled his hand away from you in an instant, feeling nervous after giving the man such an impression. 

Seraphina, who had her hands on Roan’s arm turned to you, a kind of shine in her eyes you saw only when you cast the right spell on a duel, or when you got the answer to a question correct, “They’re not a couple darling,” she explained simply. “And yes, I do teach them, in fact, I’ve talked to you about her,” she said pointing at you, “She’s my star duelist.” 

“It is her?” he asked with raised eyebrows and Seraphina smiled and nodded in return, you swallowed at that, “You’re Silas’ daughter?” he asked almost in disbelief. 

You nodded in return. “And that’s Remus Lupin,” she said, emphasising his last name. 

“Blimey, you’re the son of my boss,” he said with a gasp. Remus smiled awkwardly, he had never been the son of anyone’s boss before, and while he knew his father worked at the Ministry, he didn’t know of him having many people working directly for him at the department, but he had been working there for almost as many years his own age, so in a way, it made sense.  Regardless, Remus felt like Roan was placing him on the same level as you, as if your father’s exceptional political career was equal to his own father’s. He had never felt like that before. Always failing to understand the weight on James’ or Sirius’ shoulders after coming from pureblood families. 

“You’ve met Lyall?” you said curiously, “I’ve only ever heard from him. Hopefully, I’ll get to meet him soon.”

“He’ll be delighted by such a bright young witch, surely,” Roan replied. 

“Certainly,” agreed Seraphina. 

“You are married?” you asked, looking at the two of them with a charming smile, following along the conversation and changing the focus when you noticed Remus didn’t seem too comfortable with them speaking about his father or the registry. Remus, on the other hand, was absolutely impressed with how well you were handling the conversation. It’s not that he struggled to maintain conversations, but you managed to keep the talk flowing with a rather effortless approach. 

And it wasn’t because you were particularly outgoing, but you had been to several political events with your parents, so you had kept a lot of conversations with older people before, you were awfully used to the politics, and you had developed a way to use your charm to veer conversations in whichever way you needed them to go, in this case, away from Remus and his father’s work. 

Seraphina smiled at your boldness, “Not yet darling, we decided to wait a little bit more until things were less complicated and we could make a big party with no looming danger,” she said. “Roan here has a lot of family members, and they sure would be offended if we made a party without inviting them.” 

“She says that, but it’s her family that would be really offended,” the man reproached. “And trust me, you do not want to cross the Nightshades,” he leaned a little closer. “They can be terrifying sometimes.” 

You smiled at that, giving a small look at Nightshade before nodding in agreement, yes, she was stunning, but that didn’t take away her presence, she was delightful in a rather icy way, like an ice queen that could freeze you if you did something that could upset her, and yet, you still liked her very much.  

Nightshade jokingly shoved Roan by the shoulder, it was rather interesting to see this side of her, a lot more playful and youthful in comparison to the much more stoic ballerina vibe she gave off as a teacher, it made you wonder how she might have been when she was just a student. 

You had taken the moment Roan leaned closer to pay a little more attention to his scar, and then when he was shoved by Nightshade, you noticed there was another one peeking from his long-sleeved shirt, barely a the tail of a scar, but you had seen similar ones, on Remus’ hands. 

“Are you planning anything tomorrow?” You asked the two of them. “I mean, I know it’s the last day of class and you must be rather busy with grading and such, but we were thinking of preparing a small dinner,” you said pointing at both you and Remus, “With the rest of our friends, of course. And if you’re still around, Roan, you’re more than welcome to come.” 

Remus, whose hand had at some point travelled to your arm by crossing his behind you, squeezed as if trying to remind you what day tomorrow would be, but you being so calm with stating you would have a dinner had thrown him off guard too, since obviously you had planned no such thing. You didn’t pay much mind to it, almost completely focused on Nightshade who gave you a sharp look, almost telling you she had understood exactly what you were doing while narrowing her eyes. You gave her a soft look in return, even throwing in a bit of a tight-lipped smile. 

Roan’s breath caught in his throat for only a second before he turned to you, “Oh, thank you for the invitation, but I must get back to London with Seraphina early in the morning, we still have some business in the ministry.” 

“Of course, do not worry, I’m sure we’ll get more than enough time to meet again on a different day,” you said. “Anyway, Rem and I were just about to walk over to the food table when Slughorn came over,” you explained, “would you like us to bring you something?” 

“No darling, we just ate,” Nightshade said as she sent a courteous nod to both you and Remus and started moving towards a different place. 

“It was nice to meet you guys, if you’re ever over at the ministry, I’d love to see you,” he said as he followed his girlfriend along. 

Both you and Remus walked over to the sweets table and then towards one of the corners of the room, “What was that about the party?” 

You turned to him, almost peering through your lashes before raising your head, a small smile on your lips, Remus thought he’d never seen such an angelic look on someone with a smirk before. “You didn’t see Roan’s scars, did you?” Remus tilted his head. “He had one on his neck,” you whispered, bringing your hand up to his and tracing your finger over the same area but on his skin. Remus almost shivered at your touch, your hand was cold from the drink you had grabbed at the table, and you assumed that had been the reason for the way his breath hitched on his throat and pulled your hand back. 

You then brought your hand up and traced your finger over it too, going first over the long sleeve of your dress near your upper arm and then just for a second touching your own skin. “He had another one there.” 

“Well, he works with magical creatures, dad also has a few of those,” Remus said, missing your point, and perhaps a little annoyed at the fact that you had been paying such close attention to Roan. 

“Yeah, but they didn’t look like just any scar, think of Alastor Moody, I’m sure you’ve seen at least a few pictures of him on the paper, his scars are different.” 

“How come?” 

You let your hand hover over your arm before deciding it would be a bad idea to remind Remus of the now-scarring tissue on your shoulder and decided to grab his hand instead. “They looked like this,” you said as you let your finger brush lightly over one of his scars. “The same depth, tones, tightness.” 

“Are you implying that–”

“I thought I was imagining things, but I’ve gotten pretty used to the way they look, Remus, I’ve seen them up close,” you took a deep breath, as you moved your shoulder just slightly, almost involuntarily but Remus noticed. “They were the same.” 

“So– whatever did it must have been–” 

“Like you,” you concluded. “Roan said they were only dangerous at certain points of the year. He even said he was trying to persuade the ministry. That's a pretty solid stance on werewolves compared to the rest of the people.” 

“He didn’t have as many of them,” Remus said, remembering some of the scars on his own face and the rest of his body, some you had seen, some you hadn’t. Even some already healing you had unwittingly caused the previous moon. It was silly really, how the two of you had scarred each other when you were the last people who would willingly hurt the other. 

You nodded, “Threw me off guard too,” you admitted. “But he’s older, Remus, and some time ago Nightshade admitted she knew what you were when she got hired, that she was close to Dumbledore even before she was a teacher here, and I just thought… What if he hired her because she already knew how to deal with, well you know.” 

“But the scars, it still doesn’t–” 

“That’s why I invited them to dinner.” 

“He said he had to work,” Remus said with a shrug. “He could have been telling the truth, although…” 

“You smelled his nervousness, didn’t you? I wasn’t paying attention to their answers, but rather, to their reactions. Nightshade threw me a look I know well, a warning. I think she knows I was close to figuring it out… and then there was the way Roan was holding his breath, I mean I cannot smell nervousness, not when I’m not Vixen, but I can see it. And you? Tonight especially.” 

Remus was frowning, looking at the floor and yet nowhere in particular as he bit his lip. He’s thinking, you realised. It was a look you had seen him make more than once when he was analysing situations, then he turned to you, his brown eyes could easily let you see how worried he was, “He smelled funny.” 

“You think he’d notice the same about you?” 

Remus sighed heavily, “I don’t know,” he admitted. “There’s a lot of people, I was paying close attention because-” he trailed off as if he didn’t know what exactly to say after that. 

You looked at him, now analysing the situation at hand. The way he had stepped over you protectively, and how he had been looking at Roan rather intently. Roan was handsome. Not your type of handsome but attractive nonetheless. What if Remus was attracted to him…? You almost felt your cheeks warm at the thought crossed over your head. You couldn’t have drawn a more faulty conclusion. For someone who had identified a werewolf after one simple talk, you had, so far, been terrible at realising your friend’s feelings for you. 

“You were curious,” you offered, giving Remus an easy way out, and he nodded. It was better for you to think that, than knowing that, in reality, he had actually been smelling the way you reacted to Roan. But most of all, he was trying to make sure that you still smelled like him. He almost couldn’t live without being able to feel his scent all over you and Sirius anymore. He sometimes wondered if that was the wolf, or if he was just possessive like that. More often than not it was hard for him to draw the line where Moony ended and Remus started. 

“Yeah,” he added. 

“He seems like a convenient friend to have,” you said. 

“What if he’s evil though? What if he’s with the other werewolves, like Forrester or… Greyback?” You knew what a delicate subject Greyback was to Remus, he had told you the story of how he’d ended up being a werewolf. He had told you about Lyall and his prejudice and how Greyback had escaped and then taken revenge on him by using his child. 

You placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “He wouldn’t be with Nightshade,” you said, “She’s too sharp and perceptive. You know she was offered to work with Moody but rejected being an auror in favour of coming here?”  

“Really?” 

You nodded, “Dumbledore asked her to do it, and she was thrilled to teach DADA,” you told him. “If Roan was dodgy, she would have already sent him to Azkaban.” 

“Maybe she’s blinded by love.” 

You smiled at that, “You really think someone could be blind enough not to see a deatheater?” 

Remus thought about it, if either you or Sirius were deatheaters, he for sure wouldn’t have noticed. “Would you ever suspect Sirius to be one?” 

“Of course not,” you said honestly. 

“You’re in love,” he said with a shrug. 

“You wouldn’t suspect him either, and it’s not because you’re in love with him.” If only you knew. “It’s because you know him, because he’s your friend.” 

“Maybe we’re blinded by the love we have for our friends too.” You looked at him with a smile and pushed with your shoulder just a little. “What?” 

“I think we’re passed Pissy Moony and we have Sad Moony instead.” 

He gasped, a smile playing on his lips regardless, “You think I’m saying that because of the moon?” You shrugged, mirroring his simile and raising one of your eyebrows as you did. “How would you feel if I said the same when you’re on your period?” 

You snickered at that. “Well I do get a little pissy sometimes,” you said with a shrug. 

“You’ll admit you get pissy on your period just to maintain your argument?” 

You pretended to think about it for a second and then nodded. “You know, it’s kind of nice.” 

“Getting pissy on your period?” he teased. 

You shoved him in response, “No silly, having a friend who understands,” you said. “A male friend that understands,” you clarified. He raised an eyebrow at that and you shrugged. “You’ve always been more understanding, it’s probably why Lily had a crush on you in 3rd year.” 

“She what?” Remus gaped. 

“You’re telling me she never told you? She said she did!” 

Remus thought back, and then remembered. Lily had said he liked him, in potions at some point when they were partners, but she had said it in such a casual way, Remus didn’t actually realise what she meant, he had been rather worried about other things he was discovering about himself back then, especially the kind of things that he couldn’t exactly talk about with other people. “I thought that was… I thought she meant it platonically.” 

You responded to that with a simple incredulous look. 

“I said thanks!” he said afterwards, you busted out into a laugh, looking at him as you bit your lip, he was slightly red, and looked adorable all flustered. You were looking at him fondly when you felt someone pushing you as they walked, forcing you to crash against his chest. You were a little stunned by such an unexpected fast movement and had grabbed onto his arms to keep yourself from falling, Remus had done the same to you, holding you just tight enough for you not to fall. 

You stayed in Remus’ familiar embrace for just a couple of seconds before turning your head to look at the person who had pushed you, half expecting them to say they were sorry when you noticed who it had been. Fucking prick, you thought as you saw Severus walk towards Barty with his head held haughtily high. 

You looked up at Remus, a determined look on your face he instantly identified as your need for payback. Severus had been a total prick all night and no matter how upset Lily had been with you, you were going to retaliate, and not with poisonous words this time around. You leaned back onto Remus, “You already know the plan.” 

Remus only nodded with a smile, he wondered if that was what you did on your dates with Sirius too, be all over each other and plan sneaky pranks. Of course, he did it unconsciously, and almost felt bad for even thinking of it, but if that was how it was, he thought it would be splendid.

You walked over to Johnny Ackley as he kept an eye on the Slytherins. Once you reached the boy, you gave him your charming smile, to which he responded with a quirked eyebrow, “May I help you?” 

“Indeed you may,” you responded, grin growing ever wider. “I’ve heard you’re an entrepreneur, great businessman too.” 

He smiled at your use of words to describe him, “You’ve come for a bargain?” 

“Indeed,” you replied with a smile. “Now I don’t want any Rumpelstiltskin tricks to be pulled under your sleeves. Tell me your exact price after I’ve made my request. How many of those trick treats do you have left in your tray.”

“I have only one safe one left,” he replied honestly. “But I’d give it to you for free.” 

You let out a breathy laugh at his smile, he wasn’t half bad at this game, from what you’d heard you’d expected him to be a little less capable as a businessman, but he clearly knew that was not the reason you had approached. “Good, because I need that one out of the tray before we make a deal.” 

He raised an eyebrow at that, “You cannot kill anyone with these,” he joked. 

You scoffed playfully in response, “Why exactly would you think I– Actually, never mind,” you said, and then proceeded, “you said one of those gives bad breath?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, someone’s already taken that one,” he said with an apologetic look, “looking to get away from your date?” 

“What?! Not at all! Remus is great!” You weren’t sure why the thought of someone implying you’d want to get away from Remus had upset you so much, but you choked it up to the fact that he was your best friend and that you had to defend his honour because of it. “I’m looking to get back at someone who has been pushing people around since they got here.” 

“Ah, of course. Unfortunately, Severus didn’t want to have any of these,” he said as he pushed the tray up just a little, “I’ve offered a few times already.” 

You huffed a laugh. “Of course, but you haven’t tempted, not in a way that matters to him,” you said with a smirk, the kind of expression someone who had a plan would make, “what other things do they do?” 

Now it was his turn to smirk, and he pointed at one of the treats, “Makes your headache,” he turned his finger to a different one, “gives you the hiccups,” he hovered to another one, “makes you horny–”

“Wait, really?” you asked. 

“Want to give it a try?” he teased. 

You almost punched him. “That seemed like a terrible trick to play on someone. Could have some nasty uses. You sure you wouldn’t get expelled if they find you out?” 

“Not that horny, jeez,” he said. “Belby helped me develop some of these, they are safe and recreational.” He then hovered his pointed finger back on the tray. “Gives you a terrible stomach ache, you can only get rid of it by dancing or kissing someone. And this one–” he said pointing at one with what looked like grey scales on top, “twists all your words so you say the exact opposite of what you mean.” 

You smiled at that, instantly knowing which one would be useful for Severus and his nasty little mouth, “Green is the only one that’s good, right?” Ackley nodded in response. “And the price?” 

“A piece of your hair.” 

You frowned at that. You knew what people could do with hair, you did not want anyone going around with your face. “Hell no!” 

“Do you even know how precious it could be? I know people who would pay so much for it!” he tried to reason. “We could even split the profits.” 

“For my hair?” 

“Hey! A lot of people have a crush on the new quidditch player,” he stated. “I’m sure they’d have a kick with polyjuice and someone willing to help.”

“Ugh, gross!” You said, honestly horrified at that. 

“And people also like Sirius,” he said thoughtfully, “would you consider it cheating if someone had polyjuiced themselves onto you?” 

You looked positively scandalized by the idea, “Well of fucking course it would be!” 

Ackley shook his head as he tsked, “It’s a million-dollar idea, I’m telling you! You lack vision!” 

“You wouldn’t sell your hair if you knew they were gonna use it to satisfy some weird as fuck kink!” He gave you the kind of look that clearly said he would and you scoffed. 

“Okay, I assume Remus, Sirius and James’ hair is also off the question? What about Lily’s? Or Tom’s?” 

“Ackley, I’m not giving you the hair of any of my friends.” 

“Your loss,” he said with a shrug. In truth, Ackley did not expect you to agree to either of those requests, but he also knew he wouldn’t lose anything by trying, especially not when you had come to him for help, “If it’s not hair then… would you be willing to brew a potion for me?” 

“What potion?” 

“I overheard you talking with McGonagall after the game, I reckon she’ll give you the recipe for a contraceptive potion. Think you’ll be able to brew it?” 

Fucking hell, now it wasn’t only McGonagall who thought you and Sirius were nothing but horny teenagers. “Yeah, of course, I can brew a batch.” 

“Fantastic, they sell incredibly well,” he said with a smile. “But I lost my dealer last year.” 

“It will only be one batch though!” you added, a little more vocalised this time around, trying to make it clear. 

“Of course, of course. That’s fine though, the scarcity will make it more expensive. I’m terrible at brewing, but I’ll get you all the ingredients you need once you send me an owl with the list, does that sound fair?” 

You smiled, “Looks like you’ve got yourself a deal, Johnny.” 

He gave you a short wink and nodded at that, “And a good one indeed.” He then looked over your shoulder, at the Slytherin boys. “What’s the plan?” 

“Just show up near us and offer some treats in a few minutes, play along if necessary. Remus and I will do the heavy lifting.” 

“Easy enough,” he said with a nod and disappeared in the crowd. 

You smiled and walked back to Remus, he was a lot closer to the boys and you started a casual conversation with him, telling him about some of the homework you were supposed to do over the break and asking, subtly –according to you– what he’d like to get on Christmas. Now it’s not that Remus realised you were asking him for your own sake either, he was rather enthralled by your talking to pay much attention to your not-so-subtle questions. 

“What did you ask Father Christmas to bring over?” you asked him. He quirked an eyebrow giving you an incredulous look, “Aw come on! You cannot tell me you’re too old for presents.” 

He shrugged in response. “I’m not sure, back in the house my parents always got me rather practical things, well except for mom, she always got me muggle toys.” 

“Really? Were they fun?” 

“Some of them, for sure. I once got a small broom horse that my father enchanted so I could use it to fly! It only allowed me to go up a few feet, but it was incredible!”

You gasped at that. “Really?” 

He nodded, “And at some point, they even got me a muggle hamster, he was horrified of me though, had to give the poor thing away.” 

You gave him a pitiful look. “At least our children like us both equally,” you said, thinking of Pyro and Nummie. You and Remus had already developed a whole system that would keep them fed while you were out on vacation, they had already gotten wide enough to be dangerous when transporting them home. Remus chuckled at that, letting his mind wander just for a second, he could never have children, not with his condition. What if his child ended up like him? The fantasy was nice, though. You looked to the side, Ackley still wasn’t close. “But… what would you like to get now?”

He shrugged, “I’m not sure, to be honest. Maybe a jumper or something. You keep stealing those.” 

You gasped at that, swatting him playfully on the shoulder. “For the scent thing.” 

“Nah, you’ve been stealing them even before the scent thing,” he said, and it was true, not that he minded it much, he loved it when he got them back and they smelled like you and Sirius. You shook your head in response. 

“But what do you actually want, though?” and then you gave him a look. “Don’t think practical, be delusional about it if you need to.”  

Delusional? I’d like to have you and Sirius… at the same time, he thought. “Haven’t really thought about it, maybe something comforting? Or a cool band T, like the ones Sirius has…” alternatively one from him. “What about you? What do you want to get for Christmas?” 

It was your turn to shrug now, “Not sure either,” you answered sincerely. “I was thinking of getting a muggle gaming console, but I highly doubt it will work with the magical fields here in Hogwarts, so getting it on the summer break might be better.” Remus agreed with a simple humm. “If I do get something muggle it will be like Sirius’ cube.”

“He hates it,” he told you. “He’s been struggling to solve the puzzle since he got it. I think he’ll end up transfigurating it or something.” 

You giggled, the image of Sirius struggling with the cube diverting you more than it should. Sirius was always very capable, so thinking that a muggle puzzle would frustrate him, was rather amusing. You could almost picture him throwing the cube to the wall in a very child-like tantrum after trying for very long and not achieving much with it. Perhaps that’s why he was already rather cranky back when you had worn Minho’s sweater. “I feel like Dromeda gave it to him on purpose.” 

“Oh, she must definitely did,” Remus agreed with a smile. “We should write her a letter, telling her that her gift was an absolute success.” 

“You think she wouldn’t mind? I mean, us writing her even though I don’t actually know her personally?”

“I’m sure she’s heard lots about you, bet she’d be more than thrilled to hear from her new cousin.”  

You pushed Remus lightly after that, he knew Andromeda had heard about you already, she had sent him a letter a little after Sirius sent her one mentioning you were now in Hogwarts too. She wanted to know every single thing about you. Of course, Remus, who already considered you wonderful, ended up sending her a rather short and concise story telling her just that, but that if she needed any more information she was to ask Sirius instead because he was not about to meddle in his best friend’s business anymore. 

“Treats?” Johnny said as he approached, offering them to some other students but moving rather fast before they even got to dig their hands inside the platter. He passed by you and moved towards the Slytherins. 

“Hold up, wait!” you said as he looked your way, the platter on display right in front of the Slytherins. You turned to Remus and called his attention by tapping the back of your hand softly on his chest, “I tried the pink one earlier,” you said. “It was delicious, you should try it,” you said then as you approached Johnny. 

Severus gave you a look, at both you and Remus approaching and then turned to the platter, there was one pink one left. So, naturally, and with the intention to piss you off, he took a hold of it and plopped it onto his mouth. 

Jonathan Ackley turned to him shocked, but managed to keep it together and hold the snigger threatening to leave his mouth. He had tried to get Severus to eat one of his trick treats so many times and it wasn’t until you and Remus intervened that he managed to do it. 

“Oh, you wanted that one?” he asked with a clearly fake concerned expression. “I’m very sorry, I’m sure there are many others you could take instead.” 

You looked at him with an annoyed expression, of course, he had just done exactly what you wanted him to do, but the way he had responded, the fact that he really thought he had taken the treat you wanted, it made your bIood boil. If there was anyone that could make the worst side of you flare up, it was Severus Snape. Exactly like it had happened earlier and with equally disastrous results –Lily was probably still angry at you.  

“Well, that’s all right, Severus,” you said with the most neutral tone you could have mustered, “I can still take the purple one, I heard Imogen say it was good,” you said simply. 

“Which one?” Barty said as he turned. “This one?” he asked as he plopped it into his mouth. 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Ackley said, pretending to move the tray to the side, but Evan intervened and grabbed him by the arm. Softly, but firmly. 

“What? Do you only give treats to the Gryffindors? I’m sure Slughorn wouldn’t be too happy you’re neglecting his own house,” he said as he grabbed onto one of the leftover treats and popped it into his mouth. 

“Reggie, would you like one?” he asked, Regulus, who was a few steps behind, and talking to someone else, turned around, slightly oblivious to the situation at hand and nodded. You gave him a warning look and sneezed when he hovered his hand over some of the treats. He gave you a pointed look and hovered his hand over a different one, you sneezed again. 

“Bless you,” Ackley said as he turned to you, eventually Regulus took hold of the one with the green mousse on top. 

You breathed out calmly and then turned to him, “Thank you, Johnny.” 

While Regulus savoured his treat, you realised Barty blinked a few times and left to the other side of the room. The headache treat he had taken, had been of fast action apparently. 

Then James approached, placed an arm over Ackley’s shoulder and leaned over the tray. The Slytherins could not know of the involvement of either you or Remus in the little prank, so it’s not like you could actually stop James from taking one of the treats, but he already had one on his hands. 

Fuck it’s that one, you thought as you looked, there was still one on the tray. It’s the stomach ache one, well getting a kiss will not be that hard for James, will it? Besides, it was a lot better than the alternative… You moved quickly, taking hold of the one that was left on the tray and turning to James. “Switch with me?” You asked politely. “I really want to try that one, yeah?” 

“I don’t know, Vix,” James teased, Did he have no idea? He probably didn’t. 

“James mate,” Remus intervened. “Be a gentleman, would you?” James gave him a look. “Follow the Marauder’s code.” 

James narrowed his eyes at Remus but nodded, you quickly switched with him and James left with the treat on his hand. 

You gave the small cookie one last look before plopping it in your mouth. Downing it all before Remus even got the idea of eating it instead of you, which you knew he would, but you also knew he’d be in a lot more trouble than you would be if he did take that particular treat. 

“Delicious,” you said honestly.

“Of course it would be, you sensible girl,” Severus said. 

You gave him an amused look, “I’m sorry, what?” 

“I said you, sensible girl! What the heaven?” Severus looked genuinely confused. “BIood loyalist! What in the Godric Gryffindor have you not done to me?” 

“Me?” you asked confused, “Whatever could I have done to you, Severus? I was just getting my own treat.” 

Evan started to hiccup on the back, he looked uncomfortable more than anything, so he left to search for Barty a little later. Regulus was still standing there, looking like he was just understanding what was happening. 

He gave you a complicit smile and turned to Severus with a rather confused stance, “I ate a treat too, and nothing’s happened to me.” He then proceeded to place his hand on Severus’ head, as if to check for temperature. Who would have thought Reggie could be so brazen?

Should have known, he’s Sirius’ little brother, after all. 

“Put your hands on me, Regulus,” Severus spat, desperately, although his words didn’t match his tone.

Regulus pulled back with a frown, instantly recoiling after hearing Severus’ words, not because his tone had been imperious –that was always the case–  but because of what he had demanded. 

“Sev–” he asked cautiously, but he was interrupted by the boy whose name was uttered. 

“It was that angel! She did not do this to me. Godric cherished heaves! This is exactly what I’m trying to say!” 

You broke into a giggle then, “Well, Sev, I never thought you’d be giving me so many compliments in one go, but thank you very much.” 

“You and you’re clever –cherished–”“ he looked genuinely frustrated, “–cherished heavens– your handsome fiend.”

“My handsome fiend?” you asked as if surprised. “I have no such thing,” you added with a devious smile. “You are my only fiend, Severus.”

Ackley had already bolted, but Remus and Regulus were still standing there, Remus looked like he was about to break into a laugh. Severus had turned red, “You stunning lady!” 

“Woah, Severus, I have a boyfriend,” you teased further, just to spite him. It was almost funny that he was saying such nice things now, it really put into perspective how nasty he was on a daily basis. 

“Sev, perhaps we should take you to the infirmary, you don’t look all right,” Regulus intervened again. 

“Yes! I mean YES! Godric bless it! Cherished heavens, this is exhilarating.” 

“Regulus is not wrong,” Remus said, in his always conciliating tone, “You should probably go to the infirmary.” 

“You WILL go unharmed after this,” Severus said as he turned to you with a threatening finger. 

You waved him a polite goodbye as Regulus took him away and got him to sit down at a nearby table while trying to calm him down. 

“Didn’t you mention there was only one good treat left?” Remus asked once the two of you managed to catch your breath. You nodded in response, “Who took it? James? Reggie?” 

“Could have been the one I ate…” you said defensively. 

“Yeah sure, like I didn’t see you sneezing so Reg didn’t take the one that James took and you ended up chowing down in the end.” 

“Reggie took the good one,” you admitted. “Saved James by giving one that wouldn’t affect him much.” Remus frowned when he saw James dancing next to Lily, he had been dancing before he went for the treats too, he probably wouldn’t even feel the effects of the potion. “Johnny said that one gave you a stomachache that could only be cured by dancing or kissing someone, I figured James would have obliged either one without giving it a second thought. Especially if he got yet another excuse to kiss Lily.

Remus gave you a long look and wondered what would have happened if you had taken that one. Would she have asked me to dance? To kiss her? Of course not, she has Sirius. 

But what if Sirius wasn’t around, what if I was the last resort… would she kiss me then? “And the one you saved him from?” 

You took a deep breath at that, thinking of the treat you had taken, red, the colour of lust, you thought, Ackley must have thought things through when he asked Kless for help. 

“Nothing to worry about,” you said with a shrug, you weren’t sure how exactly the red treat would affect you, but you knew it would 100% be a lot worse on a man. “Trust me, I’d be worried if I was a boy.” 

Remus frowned at that, “What do you mean you would be worried if– What on earth did you eat?!?!”

“Shhhhh,” you said, a little stressed. “It’s okay, Remus. Don’t stress about it, I won’t stress about it, and things will be alright,” you said as you turned to him, you hadn’t quite noticed how broad Remus’ shoulders were until they were right in front of your face. Actually, you might have noticed how broad they were before but you had never found them so attractive, had you? 

Fuck, it’s taking effect, you thought as you looked at your friend and bit your lip, fucking hell. At least you could use curse words without them getting all twisted. 

“You can’t just ignore feelings until they disappear,” he said, hypocrite, his own inner dialogue shouted back at him. 

“Remus,” you whined, dragging out “e” from his name. “Please, please, let’s not talk about the potion I took and do something else instead?” 

“Like what?” 

Kissing in a broom closet, your brain shouted at you, you shoved the thought to the back of your head, “Dance?” you offered. 

“Do the effects also go away with dancing?” 

You looked to the side and thought about it. You guessed, in a way, they could. “Yes.”

The rest of the night went in an instant, between dancing and trying to focus on anything other than the fact that Remus looked damn good that day. From the moment he took off his suit coat and kept only his navy shirt, that was just the right amount of tight on him. Or the way the pants were also a little too tight and let you see his toned legs. 

Warmth crept up your cheeks each time your gaze lingered a second too long on Remus, the guilt gnawing at you whenever your head started objectifying him, and the potion wasn’t half as bad as it could be, you weren’t needy or anything like that, but fucking hell did it make you insanely aware of how attractive your best friend was. It wasn’t torturous, except for the fact that you kept thinking that: that night, you’d be sleeping with him and Sirius. 

That sounds terrible, you thought as you winced. Vixen and Padfoot would be sleeping with Remus because of the moon– yeah, that’s better. 

“You all right?” Remus asked concerned as he saw the expressions you weren’t quite managing to hide appear on your face, winces, smiles, frowns, whatever was going on in your head, including a rather large inner monologue. Perhaps the potions were making you overthink stuff? 

And boy were you most definitely overthinking stuff, way too much stuff, and all at the same time. If anything, you’d say the potion had made your mind work 10,000 kilometres an hour –you were doing that on your own– rather than making you exceptionally sensitive to teenage hormones –that was the actual potion’s work. 

In fact, the potion wasn’t some frivolous “horny” concoction, like Ackley had described. Kless had tried to describe it to Ackley, to narrow down exactly what would be going on –chemically– on the person that took the potion, but Johnny had given up about halfway through and decided to call it a horny potion. That was nothing close to what the potion actually was. If anything, it was meant to reveal truths obscured by your own defences, a lot closer to what love potions did than it was to aphrodisiacs. In Kless’ own words, it was more “akin to a mirror for the soul rather than an instigator of base desires.”

The potion was a carefully elaborated brew that Kless had designed with slightly selfish purposes, he wanted to use it on himself. Now that sounds terrible when you think of it as a horny potion, but it was never that. In fact, Kless’ intention was just to make himself a little more sensible to his very own feelings. You see, what we know of love, is actually a series of rather complex chemical processes that happen in our brain, things involving neurotransmitters: dopamine –involves pleasure, rewards and motivation–, serotonin –which regulates the mood–, oxytocin –also known as the love hormone–, Norepinephrine –yeah, the same one that’s related to adrenaline–, endorphins and a myriad of other chemicals that would take much more dedication to explore, but Kless did it anyway. 

Now his investigation had a reason –no he did not want to make a love potion– he wanted to know if he really liked someone in particular, and he knew that, while there were probably easier ways to tell if you liked someone (like those quizzes on Witch Weekly, and doing a bit of introspection) he also knew that a potion that allowed you see your own true feelings for someone could be really useful. So he gathered some interesting ingredients, that according to his research would help: Moonlit Petals (to enhance receptivity), Tears of a Siren (to increase the sensibility to pheromones), Crystalized Honeydew and a few other things that he thought would make an effective potion. He was about ready to present it to Slughron when he discovered his werewolf obsession and forgot about it altogether. That was until Johny had gone to him and revised his notes. 

On the top page, he had written “HARNi” (Heightened Awareness Recreational Brew –Ni was a stand-in for things he didn’t have a proper name for yet), but Kless didn’t have the best handwriting and Johny read horny instead. And we already know how the story goes, Kless tried to explain and Johnny decided to keep the other name instead, he thought the results were similar enough to the meaning of the word anyway. So no, you had never taken a horny potion, what the potion was doing was only letting you see some things you had never been quite aware of before –or not as aware as you were in that particular moment, at least–. Not that you knew any of it, the potion had been presented to you as a “horny” potion and you had eaten the treat as if it had been just that. And whatever it was you were feeling for Remus at that moment, you had –as anyone would– set it down to the potion.

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A/N: Well, did Sev get what he deserved? Honestly, he brought it onto himself... Upon some requests, we have a DISCORD server now and you can all join in and chat about marauders and/or GC with other lovely people. If you wanna discuss a new oneshot or even the new chapters of GC this is your place to go. Lastly, you guys were asking for a new Q&A so I'm working on it at the moment, send all the questions you may want to be added here, or directly on asks. Love, Lils xx

Read more Marauders Fiction

[bi-hop]

coming back to the kabru is like jesus if he was judas comparison. I think it's interesting that kabru always knew that he couldn't be the one to conquer the dungeon so he wanted to find people who could and support them, because he knows he's an excellent judge of character.

but the thing is, he still wants to be the hero. he still has a saviour complex. he's still envious that laios of all people is the one who has the potential to beat the mage. i think he wanted to be the one™ in some way . he *needed* to be needed by laios, he wanted to be like hermes, a psychopomp, or maybe charon, the ferryman that guides laios. so when laios /ignored/ him (not laios' fault truly he just . bad timing. sorry kabru) he felt resentful and yet even more determined to get in laios' orbit, to be the light. to be important in his eyes, like, judas when he said to the woman who used expensive oil to clean jesus ' feet. he said "why not just give it to the poor?" because he wanted praise. he wanted his teacher to look at him and go "look, i listened to you! i know what you teach!"

thats why laios rubbed off on him and he used a nutrition metaphor even because hes like. he wants to be jesus (the one to sacrifice himself and save the world from the dungeons to prevent another utaya) but hes judas (the adversary. the supporter from the shadows. the one who shows the soldiers (canaries) who jesus is. the one who " reported " him in the first place)

anyway yeah I think he has. a Jesus complex and when he met Laios he got mad with envy because he realized he was Judas help me

this is so good, turning it over in my head.

an element of kabru's character that grabbed me early on and is reinforced as he begins to bet on laios is his preoccupation with morality. people complain about the murder (bc people are lame BUT I DIGRESS!) but don't typically focus on the justifications he gives. even without knowing about the demon's nature, he is able to understand that greed and violence will only beget more of the same as those who can adapt will turn worse and those who cannot will be exploited or flee. for him, it's like ripping out weeds from a garden to protect what he cherishes.

I agree that he feels very self-critical when he finally admits that he can't be the knight in shining armor that he wants to be, due to his inability to survive as long as he wants in the dungeon. even without the motivation of going back to save falin, laios and his party had already went further on a regular basis than he has.

(shake me if I'm remembering wrong, but when we first meet kabru's party, isn't it one of their first times ever successfully making it to the third floor? lmao.)

and so the point to me was always that, yes, kabru wants to be the guy and yes, his party supports him as the guy, but realistically? he'd need someone else to at the very least support him. but he's very practical so it made immediate sense to me that he'd start looking for someone who he can either trust to take on the role or who is capable enough to get to a point where kabru could then take over. (again, all pre-finding out what being a dungeon lord truly means)

despite the latter being an option though, kabru's preoccupation with morality still stands. if he was truly the cold rational being some people seem to see him as, it would have been simple to simply throw his lot in with the first strong yet horrible person he observed. but he's picky selective. even with laios as his choice, he's CONSTANTLY fighting The Demons about it. his nightmare alone makes it clear that he has extremely well-rooted doubts and fears about what laios might do.

^ funniest page ever to me btw

but despite that, he still continually does the work of supporting him, albeit with a lot of setbacks and complications OADSJDODSOJD

i don't necessarily think the lens that we're currently taking is what ryoko intended but to conclude it is funny the themes of betrayal because technically kabru does betray laios' trust once lycion's like "ayo, he hates monster food btw, he's a SNAKE" and then he fumbles his way into... sort of regaining it? kinda? of course, by post-canon, he has it fully back, but speaking exclusively of the main story here.

[heathersproship]

I WENT AND SAW MEAN GIRLS YESTERDAY

Went in with low expectations, but hoping to like it. Listened to some of the soundtrack a few days ago and wasn’t exactly impressed. But I didn’t blame the rearrangements—not entirely. Some of it was questionable, but maybe it’d be like with NPMD where I’d like it more when I had the visuals to go with it (I vastly prefer The Summoning live, and also High School is Killing Me, rather than the studio audio). And for the most part, I was right! I had a nice time.

See below the cut for my thoughts on the songs, other details, and some Janis analysis.

First Things First

We started off strong with the garage setup and Cautionary Tale. The vertical screen on a horizontal one doesn’t bother me, so I love the whole bit with the phone, and Janis plays guitar!

What Ifs was a song I didn’t listen to beforehand, and I understood most of it til Cady got to school. Then I had no idea what she was saying, either because the music was too loud or she was singing too softly, or both.

Meet the Plastics (though really it’s just Meet Regina) was good. Loved the lights flickering and Regina’s hypnotic voice like a siren luring the unsuspecting Cady in. Or an anglerfish.

Stupid With Love was actually not that bad... in the first half. Once we were out of the classroom, it fell off for me. I suppose they were going for a dreamy walking-on-air cloud nine “too in your own little world to notice the world around you” vibe, especially at the very end, but Angourie’s soft vocals didn’t do it for me. I expected a burst of energy since they’re outside and have the freedom to move and be loud with it.

Apex Predator was beautiful visually. Musically, I’m still not sure what to make of Damian singing Cady’s lines when they were about Janis. It’s strange. Couldn’t even have her think them? Record Angourie in a booth to get a feel for how big she can go, play it over a few shots of Cady’s face or the scene in front of them, Cady looking at Janis as she secretly compares Janis and Regina while Janis and Damian are warning her about Regina? No?

The build-up to What’s Wrong With Me was good—love the usage of the music box—though the song itself was a bit awkward. It’s sad all the same though, and that’s the point.

Sexy was good. Blink and you’ll miss the Easter egg.

Someone Gets Hurt was visually stunning. My one gripe is that Aaron has ONE line. Just one. And he doesn’t even sing it because the actor just doesn’t sing (did they hire him for his looks? The fact that he was in TSITP, which I haven’t seen? Why hire someone who doesn’t/can’t sing... for a musical??). Couldn’t they get someone to dub him? It’s just one line. Was that too much to ask? Disguise Damian’s voice if you have to. Giving it to Regina was certainly a choice they made.

Revenge Party was a fucking banger. It’s so fun and hella camp, and I love that they reinstated one of the OG verses (two if you recognize the piñata line from another verse). Also like how the “yes, bitch!” line was also back, unlike in the Broadway recording, though I don’t think that exchange needed to happen twice. I love Janis just loudly popping up with “And ugly crying!” during the bit with the sprinklers like girl shut up you’ll blow your cover! But then there was also that weirdass decision to have it go handheld when Cady goes to get the candy cane. Did not like that, what the hell was that?

Damian singing the iCarly theme in French lmao okay sure.

Someone Gets Hurt Reprise was just as good as the original, I love it. My only nitpick is the wording. “Obsessed” rather than “in love with” though that might have something to do with the doll.

World Burn was epic. Except... okay. Regina waltzed right into school with the Burn Book in hand. What if someone saw her? And then her just deliberately dropping and leaving it on the floor. And people really walked past it before someone finally picked it up? Really? The payoff is excellent, just the setup was... questionable.

Now that I’ve seen it, I definitely like this version of I’d Rather Be Me a lot more than I did before. Especially how it ends. (Though Barrett is still bae.) There’s possibly an allusion to the music video with the running in the halls and going about the school. But my God, Auli’i fucking did that! And again, very glad they kept the curse in the OST.

If that was a reprise of Stupid with Love... here’s an idea: just stop. The horse is already dead.

I See Stars was? Fine? Tbh I don’t really remember it. Probably because the girl who doesn’t go there takes over halfway though. Way to pull your weight, Cady. Angourie did well for some things, but singing really isn’t her strong suit. Again, why hire actors who don’t have the range for a musical?

Other things:

I love that Janis does embroidery here. It just fits.

Did not like the sanitization. How can this be Mean Girls without one mention of “social suicide”? You can keep the bouncing boobs thing and blatantly asking if Cady wants to have sex with Jason, but the band geeks are “corny-horny” and not “sexually active”?

Heyy Ashley Park!

Cady scaring the shit out of Janis and Damian will never not be funny. They were even watching the same scene of the same movie!

I was really hoping to get a flashback of Regina and Janis, with Janis actually burning the doll, rather than Damian acting it out with the toys. Or at the very least, a shot of Regina’s backpack on fire (that would’ve been a great teaser image). So we can get an idea of what Janis was like before, if she went along with the fashion rules like “pink on Wednesdays” or if she was always a little off-beat and Regina pushed her further into it. Maybe even see if she was the queen bee as some people believe was the case back in the day.

Love the bit with music people in the tree and Janis telling them to stop lmao. I love when they do things like that.

Analysis:

So one of the main differences between this Janis and her predecessors is that once this Janis gets to a certain point, she’s satisfied and actually wants to stop so she and her friends can just enjoy their time together rather than asking Cady to take a single night off before, presumably, letting it go on longer. This makes the party betrayal hurt worse when Cady says she wants one more lunch with the Plastics, as it looks like she made the active choice to trade up rather than just forgetting about Janis and Damian in her attempt to ensnare Aaron. Janis’ satisfaction also makes her singing IRBM more justified than in the musical because the movie took away a crucial aspect of her character which made her a Mean Girl to begin with: her anger.

This iteration of Janis just doesn’t have the same level of pure rage that drives her the way Regina does—rage which made them two sides of the same coin—because in this version, Janis is actually gay. The whole conflict in the original was Regina labeling Janis as something she wasn’t, and 2004 being a more homophobic time in history was how it was able to fly. In the 2018 musical, when that was no longer the case, they had to add in another layer with Regina pretending the issue was that Janis couldn’t accept she wasn’t one of the six people invited to her birthday party, before revealing the real issue was the same as the first: Regina pushing a label onto Janis (though Barrett says she played Janis as a lesbian, this was not explicitly confirmed nor acknowledged within the show itself, and is therefore no more canon than Regina being queer because Renee Rapp says so, closeted or not). With Janis being canonically queer here, this takes all the power out of Regina labeling her a lesbian in the first place because yes, yes she is, and? Rather than the problem being about the label, now the problem became Janis’ reaction to the bullying that ensued.

While she had to leave school due to how bad the bullying was in all versions previously (frozen out in the original—according to Regina she dropped out; and having “space dyke” Sharpied on her locker in the musical—according to Damian her parents pulled her out) this is the only time we know of where she retaliated. By burning the plush (and also Regina’s backpack) with a Bunsen burner. Her own actions resulted in her getting kicked out rather than being forced out by circumstances beyond her control, and the choice to do it this way shows that a) while what happened to her was more insidious, she’s also slightly less of a victim than her predecessors, and b) she knows better than anyone actions have consequences—a line of dialogue explicitly absent in the movie’s opening number. She was content to stop where they were at, quit while they’re ahead, because her desire for revenge was satiated and she was ready to move on. Have lunch with Cady and hang out like they always meant to. She’s no longer a Mean Girl. While there was an injustice done upon her, she’s not so scarred by it she’s letting her rage get the better of her to the point it spirals out of control. She was ready and willing to stop. But Cady wasn’t.

And I don’t know how to feel about that.

I think that’s it.

[coraniaid]

Dawn Summers?

General opinion/how much I care about them: Dawn isn’t one of my favorite characters (partly because she’s not in either of my favorite seasons), but I do like her and I think the decision to introduce her into the show was a really good one.  I think it allows for some really strong emotional beats that just wouldn’t have been possible otherwise.

A ship I love: I don’t think we see anybody in the show who I’d feel comfortable shipping with Dawn.  (At least, nobody who we see enough to have any idea about their actual personality.  I guess Janice … exists?)  Uh.  Amanda, maybe?

A non-romantic relationship that I love: Dawn and Buffy seems a little bit too obvious an answer here, but … well, it’s obvious for a reason, no?  I think it’s a huge part of what makes seasons 5 and 6 work, and its relative absence in season 7 is a significant factor in why that season doesn’t work for me.  “Summers’ blood: it’s just like mine“ + “She’s me.  The monks made her out of me.” + “I don’t want to protect you from the world.  I want to show it to you.” and so on.  And I like the fact that Buffy actually does get to find Dawn annoying sometimes too, without this detracting from how much she loves her, and that Dawn gets to be upset when she thinks Buffy is ignoring her.

The NOTP: I have lots of other conceptual problems with the comics which have pretty thoroughly put me off reading them, but knowing who Dawn ends up with in them is … definitely up there.

My biggest headcanon about them: I always forget that this is headcanon and not just established in the show, but teenage Dawn absolutely thought Faith was the coolest person she’d ever met.  I think she’d have been so thrilled to meet her at the start of Season 3, and driven Buffy a little crazy later by adopting her mannerisms and trying to copy her fashion choices (in … well, the exact same way Buffy herself does later in the season), or by suggesting that Faith was maybe a better Slayer than Buffy and Buffy could learn a lot from her.  And after Faith starts working for the Mayor, I think she’d have been the biggest advocate of her ability to reform or secretly feeling bad about everything … right up to the point Faith threatened Joyce and stole Buffy’s body, something that Dawn would react to very very badly (see: her reaction to meeting Faith in Season 7).  In fact my headcanon for why the rest of the group don’t really talk about Faith after Season 4 is precisely that they’re worried about upsetting Dawn, who is by this point very vocal in her dislike of and refusal to forgive Faith.

An idea for a fanfiction I would like to write/read about them: I’m not sure if it’s an interesting enough idea to make work on its own, or you need something else as a hook, but I sometimes think I’d really like to read an (otherwise canon compliant) retelling of the first four seasons (or, well, first three seasons) where Dawn actually existed all along.  When exactly did Dawn find out about Buffy being the Slayer? (Yes, I know there’s a semi-canonical answer to this question but I do not like it.)  Does Joyce take her to LA (and out of school??) on all those occasions she has to be conveniently out of town for the plot to work, or is Buffy supposed to look after her while she’s fighting the Order of Taraka?  Does Dawn hate Ted too?  Does she get to meet Kendra? Is she home when Buffy and Spike stake a vampire in front of Joyce in Becoming? How does the big fight in Dead Man’s Party play out if Dawn is around?  (OK, maybe I just want somebody to write a version of Dead Man’s Party that’s … you know, good.)

Something that makes me think of them: Well, like I said, I don’t think of Dawn that much (compared to some other Buffy characters, anyway), but that means I get to be reminded that Dawn exists sometimes, which is nice?  It’s always fun when I run into a line of dialogue in the early seasons that absolutely couldn’t have been said in the version of the show where Dawn always existed (“It’s a good thing you were an only child”, for example): for some reason those are the times in my rewatch of the show I’m most likely to remember that Dawn actually does (or will) exist.

[cookstorys]

𝙷𝚒𝚐𝚑

_____________

Character- Everett

Show/Movie- Wolf Pack

Warning- Mentions of weed and shrooms, teenagers partying, gets a little spicy at the end.

Author Note - I never had any of the stuff mentioned in this story so my bad if it’s not accurate 💀

Females Dni

_____________

“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember inviting..you.” Phoebe looks towards Harlan with a strong mean mug. “And we accept your apology, now if you don’t mind.” Harlan attempted to push past the blonde but she held her ground. Harlan looked down in defeat before being nudged to the side a tad bit. “Phoebe, poor white girl Phoebe. How can you turn down this.” [Name] smirked as he pulled out a bag of shrooms and a separate one with rolled-up joints. Phoebe was going to regret it but quickly got pushed out of the way by her, extremely drunk, best friend. “Yay, more drugs.”

You chuckled at the blonde girl and then walked passed her, your friends not far behind. “I thought I told you to not bring that,” Everett argued falling behind the group of teens. “I admit it’s not my best moment but I had to do what I had to do. Baby, don’t worry. I got you and us.” Everett blushed at that statement. “Whatever asshole.” He swiftly sent a punch to your arm and then gathered with the others outside.

You shook your head at the scene in front of you. Most of the teens were either drunk, high, or both. You looked at your boyfriend with a smirk. “No, you promised [name] you promised.” Everett urged already regretting his choice to come here. “I promise I’ll just take one hit. I can barely get a good buzz from one hit.” Everett looked tense while weighing his options but he eventually chose to trust you. “One hit. That’s it..” You smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

You walked around the pool and came to a stop in front of Cyrus. “Hey Cy, can you hit me up with a joint.” Cyrus looked at you suspiciously. Sure, you and Cyrus had a tad bit of history but nothing too extreme. A make-out here and there but never anything more. “Didn’t you just bring a bag of them?” You tried to hold back a laugh. “Between me and you, that bag is filled with a bunch of fake joints I made on the ride here.” You laughed. Cyrus looked at you disappointed but eventually started laughing too. “You know what, free joint on the house.” He laughed. As your hand reached out for the blunt Everett caught your attention. You weren’t excepting to see your innocent, sweet, boyfriend take a shroom. “Oh hell no.” You mumbled and practically sprinted to the group.

“Are you guys seriously letting him take drugs?” You fussed at the two, Harlan and Blake, with disappointment in your voice. “Loosen up [name]. He has already.” Harlan pointed which was followed by his and Blake’s giggles. Across the pool area was a dancing Everett. He was very close to stripping naked if you hadn’t stopped him. “Let’s go sit down for a while.” You sighed.

___________________

“This is boring.” Everett cried. You couldn’t trust him by himself while being high so you just thought it’ll be best if you and he sat for the majority of the party. “Everett you’re still high.” Everett rolled his eyes at your response. “I started sobering up about 10 minutes ago. Let’s go have some fun.” He smirked. He stood from his seat to take his shirt and pants off, leaving him shirtless with just his swim shorts. You had to admit the boy’s body had a habit of putting you in a trance every time you saw it. He jumped into the pool with a splash. “Come join baby.” He urged biting his lip and eyeing you.

Evertt looked so fucking hot right now. Normally you would’ve objected but he was practically begging you to get in with him and what type of boyfriend would you be to refuse? After a deep long sigh of defeat, you walked towards the pool and then jumped in, splashing Everett on your way down. “Was that necessary?” Everett questioned with a laugh. “Yes, I’ll take any chance I can get to make you wet for me.” You inched closer and closer toward the mixed boy. “That was so cringe but soo hot.” His breath hitched by your face’s being so close. He could’ve sworn he forgot how to breathe. Your mouth was inches from his begging to connect. “Sex?” He asked. You quickly confirmed with a nod. “Sex.” He immediately stood out at the pool, with you behind him. You both laughed like kids at a candy shop as you ran upstairs into the house for some privacy.

[familyabolisher]

☕️ + pentiment

under the cut for spoilers!

LOVED it, finished it last night and found it incredibly affecting. would definitely recommend. some of my favourite things:

how the game played around with the RPG convention of the player character being wholly under the player's control and there being a gradient of "good" to "bad" endings; no matter what happens, you won't be able to stop anyone from dying, you (probably) won't be able to collect all the evidence in time, you won't know for sure that you've blamed the guilty party, and you won't be able to stop andreas running into the fire. the minutiae of how the story plays out in a particular run will change according to player choice but the skeleton is always the same, which i appreciated. there's a real sense that the story will happen in some iteration or another almost with or without you as a player, which i found disorienting in its contravening the expected, paradigmatic nature of a game of that sort; it was great.

it's easy! i have horrible hand-eye coordination and most video games have a v steep learning curve for me as a result. i appreciated just like, walking around, being nudged in the right direction, the only other gameplay mechanic being the occasional minigame. i had a lot of fun. i appreciate how that could be boring for some but for me it's perfect.

when i got to the end of act 2, i was a little disappointed that you were able to convince caspar to leave even if you 'failed' the skill check by being kind to him, because i thought it would be insanely compelling if you could either stop him from leaving and get him hurt or killed in the riot by being kind or get this child to safety by being a fucking asshole. cue the noise of Sicko's Delight i made when i encountered andreas in act 3 and found out how he survived. really great storytelling and delayed gratification.

it struck such a good balance between barefaced morbidity - you see the mangled corpses of baron rothvogel and otto, you see the execution of the person you blame in act 1, you see animals get killed on-screen - and sentiment. it does such a good job at conveying loss; august, caspar, bertholdt left tangible traces of grief in the narrative (i am very difficult to move and i found the couple of sequences with august upsetting!!) that allowed the piece to carry itself along on a v strong emotional momentum.

it's visually BEAUTIFUL. the use of fonts to convey information about the characters' lives and backgrounds and the way the fonts will change on the reveal of new information; the labyrinth, andreas' dreams; the changing styles depending on the characters' ages + background; the animation; the clocks; everything! i was enamoured.

& for posterity, some things i didn't like or thought could be improved:

the minigames were very sparing! i think there could've been more; there were numerous points where i thought the scene could've been added to with a bit more user input, eg. magdalene climbing down into the salt mine. i appreciated how easy the game was but it could've been a bit more involved at times!

the way sebhat was written was very shallow and irritatingly aware of his position in the narrative; like, i got the sense that the developers were worried about people pointing out that everyone in their game was white so wrote an ethiopian character in for the sake of offsetting that potentiality. which could've been great, if he had had more presence in the narrative than just delivering a 'the world is vast and diverse' message to the kids via storytelling. it's a fun moment and the art style used with him is very cool, but i think it's a shame there wasn't more depth to his character.

maybe it's because we only had her for one act rather than two, but magdalene didn't seem to have as much depth or individuality to her as andreas did! playing as andreas, i really got the sense that i was playing as a character; i was making some decisions, but andreas' life and personality and limitations were predetermined. magdalene of course also had limitations, but she felt a lot more ... like she could be the way the player wanted to imagine her to be, rather than being a distinct character that the player was given control of. & it was in part the way andreas was andreas and not a Guy The Player Could Make Up that made the sense of the story being somewhat out of the player's control compel me. things like andreas' dreams really fleshed out his character and strengthened the tension between his internal agency & the agency of the player, and i wish i'd gotten the same sense of such a tension playing as magdalene.

i DID find the ending a little rushed and flimsy lol but i don't mind that much, tbh, i had fun.

anyway: really good game!

[foggyparadisecandy]

Ooof. I'm honestly not a huge fan of this person's stuff tbh, but this is such a ... savage ... and spot on assessment of Anxious Preoccupied attachment style.

A quick summary of the different attachment styles:

Secure Attachment people live with need for connection and need for independence (mostly) in balance.

Dismissive Avoidants live with high value for independence.

Anxious Preoccupieds live with a high value for connection.

The thing is ... she doesn't actually give practical ways to do the things she states - accurately - are the path to clearing an Anxious Style. But she does nicely sum up the main things that need to be done.

Look ... it's worth watching just to hear how Anxious Preoccupieds tend to create the very situations they are afraid of (being abandoned) ironically by being people pleasers and never speaking about their own needs.

I also liked her idea that anxiety comes from always living in the future and not the here and now. And she offers a practical - but scary af - suggestion of "let what will happen, happen, and don't ruin your life living in the future - either good or bad. The future will unfold as its meant to and the person you are with will either stick around or they will cut and run / hurt you. (I'm paraphrasing.)

I had a pretty shitty day Saturday.

K gave me a final goodbye DM without the courtesy of a conversation. NGL, it hurt. It ... hurt. I don't have the words for the hurt tbh. Isn't that odd considering how many words I know and use.

But I've been working on my attachment style enough that I am bouncing back faster than before (look - no lie - I'm still very much hurt but I'm not devastated).

Plus I have to shout out the support of a very lovely friend <3 <3 <3 who took time away from a birthday party to remind me that I am not a shitty human being - which was my first reaction to the rejection.

I honestly wish K would have made room for me. I am not happy with her choice … I feel like her subconscious was driving her away - “I can’t make time.” :(

K has to find her own way and I have faith in her to do it. I have said it a million times: I believe in her and I know she is strong and capable.

I know people will think I'm a sucker but ... I forgive her - and I always will because I empathize with her, I understand her pain, and I love her. Yes. Still love. Still caring. Still forgiving.

It costs me nothing to forgive her and she has more than earned my forgiveness with everything good she brought to my life. And she has been shit on by life - it hurts my brain to even think that I would add to that intentionally.

Enough said there.

On the off chance she reads my blog, I hope she watches this, sees herself, and starts digging into Attachment Theory and healing her Anxious Preoccuppied style.

I can tell you all firsthand - it has helped me tremendously. The proof is I'm not curled up in a ball in the corner of my room rn with the painful blow K delivered.

No promises but ... I *think* I'm mostly done talking about K and writing posts for her after this.

Oh ... one last thing about K ... I haven't been trying to consciously "win back" whatever we had. It was unhealthy af for both of us. Early on in that relationship though, I had suggested some day we might evolve into something else if and when she found a RL partner. For me, I kind of wanted to see what we could do there. I don't think K could get her head around it. I don't blame her. It's an unusual thing - particularly given how complicated our relationship was with hypno + kink + nurturing + ddlg elements. It is what it is at this point.

I will keep sharing some of this stuff because I am geeking out on it and it's helpful to share it in my own words. It helps me absorb it better. And I hope it is useful to some of you all!

[excitingpropertychronicles]

09-25-23

Writing this in the tub the day after about my amazing first date. And how it went from starting conversation to where we are currently now. I told him that I'm really excited about this and don't want to forget or a miss a moment.

Welcome to my stream of consciousness with not much structure or rhyme or reason.

I'm not sure if I want to show him these immediately or wait and save them up. I want him to have untapped access into my thoughts. Like he's reading my journal because that's exactly what this is. This Tumblr will help our potential dynamic thrive through the feedback I communicate and the ease of reading my thoughts, unfiltered. Good. Bad. It'll all be here.

So let's get started...

So I'll call this person M..

We've met mostly in passing at many kink parties and I didn't think much of it. M sent me a friendship a month or two ago and I never thought much of that either. We interacted briefly on posts. So I decided to reach out finally the night before last. We ended up just really connecting and messaging until 3am. And decided to plan a date very fast and soon within a day..

So I went into it knowing I've been carrying hurt over losing my last Dom J.. and feeling scared and closed off a bit... with this new fresh fear of abandonment.

We agreed to meet up for burgers. And he started talking about his career choice and I found my thoughts wandering in awe of how amazing of a human was sitting in front of me. And how inspiring he is. Potentially a good role model..

He made me feel instantly comfortable.

We both got chicken bites and I was raw with him from the get go. Open about learning about my new eating disorder and how it made things click. And he just made me feel safe ..

We left and walked back to my place because I had met him in public many times and felt safe doing so. Had an amazing game of Mario party. I'll note I did win. 😉 I know looking back at this bit will make me giggle and smile some day..

Things professed into more..

Starting with spanking.. progressing into more intimate. Hair pulling. Biting. Fingering. Sex.

He accidentally made me red by hitting my pussy really hard when I was really sensitive from him taking orgasms from me so many times. And he was so sweet and remorseful and it spoke volumes to my heart. And made me feel incredibly safe. To feel comfortable in communicating my reds and yellows and all the in betweens...

He brought up conversation about how he was happy he found me. He was taking tonight as an interview of sorts. He was gonna about to be at a point in his life where he wanted to look into owning a slave. And thought I would have a strong negative reaction. I was a little unsure at first but they didn't last long... the idea of it.. serving him.. exploring that.. it just clicked and unlocked something in me.. I had just said not even a day earlier how I was not sure I would ever do or even consider M/s again. And here comes this sexy human bodly proclaiming very early into interactions that potentially I could be a good fit for that. Regardless of what the intent was or that response he expected. I weirdly found myself wanting.. more than anything in my body and soul to just be his. To serve him. Call it an immediate connection. A positive gut reaction.. whatever you will. Neither of us are even sure.. but having a first date with someone and knowing hey this could potential be my Master. My last one. Or last one for a long time. Where ever the cards may fall. I found myself wanting and craving this more than I've ever craved serving a human. And I've been in a lot of dynamics in my life. He just lights my fire. I want him to control me. On deep intimate levels... I want him to help me a better slave but more importantly a better person for myself and for him.

The idea of wearing his collar. Kneeling at his feet. I just want nothing more. The idea of giving him the key to my place with unlimited access. CNC. Being his. It just feels so organic and right and I'm not going to fight it..the idea of being in his cage.. in his dungeon. Being his. Him feeding me by hand and a bowl at his feet it just feels perfect. And I've never been happier than at this prospect. He's going to be here soon for a brief visit which I'm sure will be my next post. Ttys journal btw should I show him this at the meet? Leaning yes. 😈 also rip my poor cervix for the indefinite future. 🤣

[emeren]

such a tease - eren jaeger

👗 anon request <3

pairing: eren jaeger x fem!reader 

word count: 4k

content warnings: 18+, smut, choking, degradation, exhibitionism, unprotected sex, jealousy, possessiveness 

notes: this was an anonymous request and lemme just say, i was SO excited to write this one. i’m unfortunately not super happy with how it turned out, but i’ve been swamped bc school just started back up!

SUMMARY: reader decides to tease eren by wearing a skirt without any underwear for the day, causing her very jealous boyfriend to act out in an unexpected way. 

one look in the mirror was all it took for you to quell your nerves. your fingers ran over the expanse of the pleated skirt, smoothing out any wrinkles and creases. this was bold, even for you, but you knew exactly what you were doing. 

eren had never been particularly shy about his protective nature; he was always making sure people understood you were his girlfriend, wrapping his arm around your waist or glaring at men who stared a little too long. 

you loved that about him, but you loved pushing his buttons even more. he had a bad habit of being an argumentative, hot headed little shit, and teasing him like this was asking for some rough, animalistic gesture. that was exactly what you wanted. 

you’d never neglected to wear underwear in a skirt this short, the fabric stopping just below your ass. you knew you’d have to be careful or you would end up flashing jean or armin, and that would drive eren up a wall. 

you hoped eren wouldn’t notice until you were all out; meaning there would be nothing he could do about it. teasing him was one of your favorite things to do. 

you heard your phone buzz quietly from your bed, picking up the small device and seeing eren’s name at the top. 

lil shit <3: get ur ass out here we’ve been waiting forever 

the eye roll that naturally came to you was strong, giving yourself one final once over in the mirror before heading out of your apartment. you couldn’t help the nervous smile that teased at your lips once you left the building, connie’s beat up minivan sitting at the curb. riding in his car was never the first choice; it was musty and had suspicious stains on the carpeting, but it was the only one that fit all of your friends. 

connie laid on the horn as soon as he saw you, the rest of your friends yelling from inside the vehicle as you approached. you could see jean in the passenger seat, jogging up to the rear door with a knot of nervousness in your stomach. you placed one hand on your thigh to keep the skirt from riding up as you slid the van door open. 

sasha and mikasa were stuffed in the small backseat, armin and eren sitting in the middle row. it was comical to see eren in the spot generally reserved for the smallest passenger, but you had no doubt that he wanted to sit in the middle because of you. he was petty like that - a trait that made teasing him all the more fun. 

“hey guys,” you smiled, sliding into the van as your friends all greeted you at once. your eyes were on connie, who was craning his neck to give you a rather incredulous look. 

you felt eren stiffen as you sat down, reaching for the seatbelt. connie decided to speak up before you had a chance to question it. “dude, come ooooon. what the hell took you so long?” 

“sorry, i was distracted and my phone was on my bed,” you explained, connie resolutely rolling his eyes in response. 

“let’s go already, i’m starving!” sasha wailed from the back, shaking your seat in front of her. you giggled at her desperation, finally turning to your boyfriend as connie sped away from the curb. 

you were surprised to see that eren was already staring at you, a weird glint in his eyes. you gave him a smile, trying to act innocent. “hi.” 

he didn’t say anything, just looked forward and placed his large hand on your bare thigh. it wasn’t that it was unusual for him to do so in front of your friends, in fact it was normal. you just weren’t used to him placing it so high; so high that the tip of his pinky dipped beneath the fabric of your skirt and threatened to inch towards the apex of your leg. 

had he already noticed?

“took you awhile to get ready,” eren commented, his words only being heard by you as everyone else in the car chatted about going bowling. you glanced back up at him, eyes scanning his face. he was wearing a black t-shirt and sweats, the customary ‘i don’t care about anything’ outfit he always seemed to adorn. the cold metal of the ring on his middle finger did little to ease your nerves. 

“yeah, i was just thinking about some stuff and got distracted,” you lied, smiling up at him. he was looking at you from the side of his eyes, jaw clenched. 

“really?” he breathed, his hand shifting ever so slightly up your leg. his smallest finger teased at the crease of your thigh, head leaning down to whisper in your ear. “were you thinking about some stuff or were you forgetting about some stuff?”

your breath hitched, face growing hot as you struggled for something to say. connie, once again, beat you to the punch. “oi! lovebirds! no canoodling in my back seat!”

“we weren’t canoodling,” eren sneered, pulling away and moving his hand to just above your knee. he squeezed the skin generously, your slight embarrassment about eren’s public displays of affection quickly wearing off. “i was just saying, it looks like she forgot a coat.” 

jean snorted from the front seat. “yeah and because you’re a dumbass who doesn’t wear one either, i’m gonna have to give her mine later.” 

jean’s lighthearted words lit a devious lightbulb in your mind, the gears of your plan now in full swing. you leaned forwards, wrapping your arms around the back of the chair and consequently jean’s broad chest. you leaned your head to the side, a grin on your face.

“you really are too sweet to me, jean-jean!” you cooed, the feeling of eren’s grip tightening on your thigh an indication of just how well this was working in your favor. jean chuckled at the familiar nickname, hand coming up to pat your arms wrapped around him. 

you let go and slid back into your spot, eren’s face clearly peeved at your display of affection. for once, you had the upper hand. and you were going to milk it all the way. 

the local bowling alley was a small, dank building that prided itself on its catering towards college students without much else to do. as connie skidded to a stop in his self-designated parking spot, the legacy of the building seemed to live up to its expectations. 

eren hadn’t said anything else on the ride over, just kept his hand protectively (and respectfully) placed on your lower thigh. you were much more careful sliding out of the car this time, hand blatantly coming down to cover your ass. you knew that eren was watching you, as he was quick to follow you from the vehicle and stand behind your brazen figure. 

he wrapped his arms lazily around your waist, resting his chin on the top of your head as you waited for your friends to pile out of the car. you’d grown accustomed to his touchy nature, suddenly deciding to press your ass against his groin. the gesture was small, but you could feel eren’s dick harden within his pants. 

“careful!” he hissed, hopping back in an attempt to shake away his sudden erection. you snickered to yourself, giving him a glance over your shoulder as you followed your friends into the building. 

the interior was the same as it’d always been; drowned out with black lights and the smell of wax. it was the kind of atmosphere that reminded you of your earliest days of childhood; attending large birthday parties and eating way too much cheaply made cake. 

the attendant was a short man named george, one who’d acknowledged connie’s arrival with annoyance. 

“head to our usual lane guys,” connie pointed, a grin on his features. you all made your way towards lane ten, eren in a sulking tow behind you.

as everyone began to sit down, jean motioned for you to sit next to him. “each side will be opposing teams. we’ve gotta be on the same team, per usual.” he called innocently. 

you and jean had dominated your friend group bowling tournaments each time before, and you figured this would be no different. you started towards him, surprised when you felt eren’s hand wrap around your wrist. 

“she’s going to be on my team this time, if you don’t mind,” eren stated in a quipped tone, something that would normally go undetected by jean due to their frenemy behavior. you knew that eren’s words were coming from a place of jealousy, sincerely trying to hide your sadistic grin.

jean scoffed, shaking his head. “yeah, right, jaeger. she’s going to be on connie and i’s team, like always.” 

you nodded your head in agreement, spinning to face your boyfriend. your skirt lifted ever so slightly at the action, eren’s teal eyes snapping to the garment with an annoyed perseverance. “don’t worry, i’ll take it easy on you.” 

he knew what you were doing. he knew that the thought of a part of you - a part specifically reserved for him - nearly on display for anyone who cared enough to pay attention, was enough to fill him with a primal sense of possessiveness. 

eren had never been particularly good at hiding his emotions. in fact, he’d been known to let them consume him in an embarrassingly juvenile way. as you sat down next to jean, your bare leg bumping his, eren couldn’t suppress the annoyance that washed over him. he folded his arms, the thought of your tight little- 

“eren?” armin called out, eren snapping from his lewd thought process. you took notice, leaning down to tie your bowling shoes. “did you hear me? i said here’s your shoes.” 

you listened to eren clear his throat and apologize, deciding to chat with jean and connie as everyone got ready to play. 

the final straw in your plan hadn’t even happened on purpose. it’d come to you itself, as if the powers that be were purposefully trying to get you rammed into oblivion. it came after the first few rounds of bowling, after a few near misses with jean regarding the skirt, each one sinking eren further into his foul mood. it came in the form of a lanky, awkward looking employee. 

he couldn’t have been any older than eighteen, carrying sasha’s order of nacho fries and your coca cola. he’d meant his comment to be nice as you got up to grab your drink. he hadn’t meant to say something that would send your childish boyfriend over the edge. 

“oh, uh, i like your skirt,” he’d commented awkwardly, scratching at the back of his neck. you smiled politely in response, eyes flitting over to eren. and if looks could kill, that awkward teenage boy would’ve been dead on sight. 

eren’s eyebrows were furrowed, jaw clenched tightly. you felt your cheeks heat as he made eye contact with the boy, standing from his seat. eren was tall, looming behind you as he protectively wrapped himself around your figure. 

“thanks,” he said flatly, pressing his face into the crook of your neck. you held your breath at the feeling of eren deeply exhaling against the sensitive skin, large hands squeezing your hips. the boy quickly looked at the ground, nodding before deciding to leave. eren waited until he was gone to remove himself from you, an annoyed twitch in his eye. “fucking little pervert.” 

you rolled your eyes, taking a generous swig from your coke. “he was just being nice.” 

eren glared at you, watching as you started back towards your friends. “nice my ass. i know you’re doing this just to rile me up.” 

“what ever do you mean?” you snickered, purposefully swaying your hips as eren scoffed, plopping back down in his seat. 

you made your way over to your teammates, sitting down and watching armin finish his turn. a couple minutes went by, chugging your coke and getting ready for connie to take his turn. 

“i think i’m gonna go use the bathroom,” you hummed, jean nodding his head in understanding. you waited until connie tossed the bowling ball down the lane, effectively missing all of the pins. you knew you’d drank the soda way too fast, standing from the bench and making your way towards the dimly lit restrooms. 

they were dark inside, with red lighting like something out of a sex club. you pushed the heavy door open, quickly locking it behind you and relieving yourself. 

as you washed your hands in the sink, you thought about just how riled up eren was getting. it was humorous, in more ways than one, but you couldn’t help the slight guilt that crept up the back of your neck about your actions. 

but then again, it wasn’t like eren wasn’t known himself for being a tease. you couldn’t count the number of times where he’d purposefully made you jealous or grabbed your ass in an inopportune moment. so what was the harm in giving him a taste of his own medicine? 

you flattened your hands against the skirt, making sure it was straight before unlocking the door and heaving it open, stepping out into the dark hallway. 

you jumped back at the appearance of a dark figure leaning against the wall, defensively clutching your chest as you stood in front of your slightly amused boyfriend. 

“mind if we chat?” he asked, voice edging an emotion that you knew you couldn’t get into at the moment. your eyes glanced down the end of the hallway, no one in sight. you looked back to him, his pink lips turned upwards, the word ‘gotcha’ written all over his face.

“we should probably head back out there,” you mumbled, trying to ignore the way eren was sizing you up. he just smiled, pushing himself from the wall and taking a step towards you. all of the confidence you’d had in your teasing flew out the window, swallowing at the downfall of your plan.

“don’t worry. i told ‘em my mom was calling,” he purred in response, index finger coming up to gently trace against your jaw. it was his turn to be smug; everyone in your friend group knew that carla’s phone calls were a draw out, lengthy affair. he’d trapped you. 

you held your breath as he stepped forward, slowly tilting your jaw to place a deceivingly sweet kiss to the skin. you felt embarrassed at the way your cunt throbbed at the action, his lips moving to tease the shell of your ear. “but what about me?” 

“what about you?” eren sneered, his voice turning slightly sour, fingers roughly gripping your jaw as he placed a kiss right below your ear. “this is what you were asking for, wasn’t it? now be a good girl and go back into the bathroom for me.” 

you hesitated for a moment, thinking about your friends bowling a mere 100 feet away. eren’s eyes were dark, and the churning you could feel at the pit of your stomach was only making it harder to resist. 

all it took was the thought of eren bending you over the sink, fucking you stupid for you to demurely shift in place, turning to shove the bathroom door open once again. you could feel your neck burning at the thought of how easily you’d just submitted, but you wanted this. more than anything. 

the bathroom was no desirable place; it smelled like generic soap and had discarded pieces of toilet paper on the ground. eren didn’t seem to care, gingerly locking the door behind himself before roughly shoving you forward facing against the cool, knock off linoleum countertop. 

you could feel his hard dick pressing against your ass, your reflections in the dirty mirror lit under the red lightbulbs. he was commanding; aggressively grinding himself into you, your skirt beginning to ride up at the motion.

eren made eye contact with you in the glass, one hand coming forward to tilt your neck to the side. he slowly brought his lips down, peppering the skin till his mouth met the base of your neck. he made sure you were watching as he pressed his tongue flatly against the skin, your breath hitching as you watched him drag the wet muscle up to your jawline. 

“you’re such a tease,” he growled against you, rolling his hips into your ass. you could feel your skirt starting to ride up even more, the cold air uncomfortable. “’s’hot, knowing your pretty little cunt is so exposed.” 

his hand on your jaw slipped around your throat, squeezing lightly in warning as he flipped the edge of your skirt up.

you squeaked as his other hand snaked between your legs, middle two fingers slowly sliding themselves between your already soaking center. he rubbed at your clit, breath hot against your neck as he forced you to watch him through the mirror. 

“look at how pretty you are,” he mumbled as he plunged his two digits inside of you, the sudden sensation causing a gasp to leave your lips. he wasn’t playing nice; roughly digging his fingers all the way to the last knuckle. his other hand squeezed your throat tighter. it hurt, but you couldn’t help the way your cunt clenched around him, chest tightening. “so pretty for me. n’only me.”

he slowed his fingers, pumping in and out of you, the sound of your slick causing him to grow impossibly harder. the feeling of his cock pressed against the flesh of your ass sent another throb to your cunt, eren smirking in response. 

“needy for my cock after teasing all day?” he asked, stuffing his fingers particularly deep, a strangled moan slipping past your lips. you struggled to nod your head against his grasp, the feeling of his fingers sliding in and out of you at such a rhythmic pace causing you to grind your hips against his hand and subsequently his cock. 

he quickly pulled his fingers out from inside of you, hand growing tighter around your throat. “you were such a little whore today. a little whore who needs to learn a thing or two.” 

you could feel tears prickling in your eyes, eren’s hand that was wrapped around your throat coming up to pry your mouth open. you didn’t have a chance to react before he was slipping his sheen coated fingers past your lips, the saccharine flavor hitting your tastebuds. 

“suck for me, pretty girl,” he said lowly, hooded eyes watching you in the mirror. you did as you were told, wrapping your lips around his knuckles and swirling your tongue around his fingers. the taste wasn’t completely pleasant or unpleasant, your mouth releasing with a smack. 

eren pressed down on your tongue with his fingers, saliva filling your mouth before he dragged the two digits down your chin and throat, leaving a shiny trail in their wake. 

he brought his hands down to roughly grope your chest, your own hands pressing against the countertop to keep you steady. eren gripped the hem of your sweater, forcing the fabric up to your midsection. 

“off, take it off.” he demanded, leaning back from you but still keeping his groin pressed against your ass. you were quick to oblige, pulling it over your head. as you did so, you could feel eren palming your ass under the skirt, his dark eyes fixated on the sight of your little skirt riding up on your skin. 

you dropped the sweater to the ground, knowing you’d regret it later, but you couldn’t be bothered. eren didn’t wait, letting go of your ass to unclasp your bra, the undergarment falling into the empty sink. he palmed at your newly exposed breasts, fingers pinching at your hardened nipples. 

he was watching you in the mirror, the sight of you batting your eyelashes with your saliva on your chin only making him more possessive. it sent a twitch to his cock, hands releasing from your chest to shove you against the cold glass. 

“want me to show this pretty cunt who it belongs to, hm?” eren nearly growled, the thought of jean or that employee ever being lucky enough to see you like this pushing him over the edge. 

you tried to nod against the mirror, your breasts pressed against the cold material only aiding the way your center throbbed mercilessly for whatever eren was about to do. his hand came up to fist your hair, the other haphazardly yanking down his sweats and boxers. 

you could see his veiny cock slap against his stomach through the mirror, the tingling in your clit multiplying at the sight of it. eren smirked at your staring. 

“fuck,” he hissed, his gaze drawn to your skirt pooled around your waist, glistening center ready for him to abuse. and he couldn’t wait any longer, rubbing the tip of his cock between your legs. 

a gasp ripped through your throat at just how deeply eren thrusted into you, his hips hitting your ass with a loud smack. it hurt; his brows furrowed as he completely pulled out from you, just to ram himself back inside your tight cunt. 

“what’s wrong?” eren asked breathlessly, pounding into you as hard as he could. you were jerking against the mirror, mouth open as your nose began to tingle; a tell-tale sign of tears. your boyfriend had a sadistic smile on his face, a piece of hair falling from his bun to rest against his forehead. 

“ah- hurts,” you gasped out, the sound of eren pounding into you filling the small space. eren hit you with a particularly deep angled thrust, the tip of his cock brushing your cervix. he tightly fisted your hair, yanking on the follicles as hit other hand gripped your waist for better leverage. it hurt so bad, but so good.  

“look at you, look at you take my cock like this,” he said, voice gravelly as he began to buck his hips faster. you could feel the hot tears rolling down your cheeks, eren’s hand around your waist moving to guide your knee up onto the counter top for better leverage. the pain lessened with his movement, his animalistic thrusts growing pleasurable. “such a good little whore. a little whore who’ll only let me fuck her like this, hm?” 

you moaned out against the glass, eren yanking your hair as an indication for a worded response. “yes-yes. all for you, only you.” 

eren groaned out at your words, his head leaning back as he slammed into you from behind. he was blurry as your breath fogged the glass, but just the image of him bucking his cock deep within your throbbing cunt was enough to have you seeing stars. 

he was filling you up so nice, pressing himself against you as the veins in his arms grew prominent. you could feel him twitching inside of you, your own center clenching around him as he made sure you knew you were his. 

“such a little tease, showing off her pretty little cunt like that,” eren moaned out, shamelessly loud. he buried himself within you, your eyes rolling back in your head as the building anticipation between your legs became too much to bear. 

“eren-” you heaved, him quickening his pace, hitting your cervix over and over. it was enough to make the tears come back, your vision becoming hot white as he bucked his hips once more, stuffing his cock impossibly deep within you. your orgasm didn’t reach its climax until you felt eren’s length twitch, effectively filling you with his cum. 

the high was incredible; the cold mirror a stark contrast to the hot, burning sensation as eren thrusted out his own climax. 

the two of you stood for a moment, mirror foggy and bathroom humid as you recollected your composure. when eren did pull out, he watched his cum slowly drip down your thigh, fingers attempting to stuff it back inside of you. 

“don’t let it drip out,” he smiled, pressing a kiss to your sweaty cheek. you could only roll your eyes, peeling yourself from the glass. he gingerly pulled his pants back up, delivering a swift swat to your ass as he stood straight again. 

“y’know, you should wear skirts more often.” 

“you should get jealous more often.” 

“sounds like a deal to me.” 

<3 <3 <3

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

I kinda find it funny how, if Ed didn't break up with Bella and then chase after Victoria in NM, we might not have gotten the events of Eclipse. Girl was just vibing with her makeshift "guards," and he had to mess it all up by having her see how newborn armies work and inspire her. Do you think Vic would've still would've gone after Bella if not for NM's events (and how it'd go down)? Cause low key I think it's funnier if she wasn't a danger but Ed made her into one jfksaldjf.-Sw

I think she would have.

True, Victoria comes up with the newborn army scheme after Edward chases her down to Mexico, but she also doesn't use it right away. She tests the waters in Forks for a very long time before she decides to invade.

In other words I, sigh, agree with Edward on this: Victoria was coming back to murder Bella Swan in vengeance no matter what was happening.

Without the newborn army, however, things would have played out very differently.

A Bit on the Romantic Tragedy Penned by Edward Cullen

First, a note, Edward had always intended to leave Bella. From the moment he realized he was in love with her he told himself that he would one day leave her. It was just a matter of when.

In Twilight, he's torn. He knows he shouldn't be a part of her life, that bringing her into his world almost necessitates her becoming a vampire, but he also really doesn't want to let her go. He doesn't think he's strong enough to do it.

And as Bella keeps getting herself into danger he gives himself more and more excuses.

If he's not there, then Bella will get crushed by a van or raped in an alley or eaten by bears. Her number's up, and Edward is single handedly fighting fate to keep this angel alive.

Bella needs Edward, therefore he can't possibly go.

The birthday party put things back into perspective. Edward's family is the most dangerous threat to Bella there is, Edward himself really may lose control one day and devour her, and unless she turns (which Edward absolutely does not want) then she has no future with him.

The family has to leave now.

However, if there's no birthday party, then Edward doesn't have that catalyst and reminder. He likely decides to himself that he will leave Bella after graduation, his family will move towns, Bella will attend whichever university she attends, and he will have had a few wonderful years with Bella pretending he's a regular high school boy dating a regular high school girl.

When Bella then dies a natural human death sometime later, Edward will go to Volterra and kill himself (and force the Volturi's hand when Aro refuses to do it).

Of course, he'd probably break here too, but that's a different story.

I do think without Jasper's slip up and the birthday party, that Edward would have stuck around for New Moon.

The World Without Bella's Birthday Party

Bella throws the fit she didn't in canon.

She doesn't want this birthday party, she never asked for this birthday party, AND WHY DOES BELLA ALWAYS HAVE TO HUMOR ALICE?!

Bella has had a summer filled with Alice. In canon, this was a delight, in this world Bella realizes that maybe they spend most of their time doing what Alice wants to do rather than what Bella wants to do.

Alice is clearly throwing this party for Alice's sake, everyone knows it, and Edward tells her, "Please humor my sister and be a good sport."

Isn't this party supposed to be about Bella?

Alice is terribly upset and does not handle any of this well, Edward tells Bella to be reasonable and be the better person and give Alice this party, Rosalie thinks this is all petty bullshit but has mild respect for Bella on calling Alice out on this, and Carlisle is rubbing his temples somewhere trying to let the children deal with this themselves.

In the end, they compromise, Bella's birthday is Edward taking her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant in Seattle of Alice's choice, Bella wearing a fancy Chanel dress that Alice selected for her.

Bella's still embarrassed and miserable, but at least there aren't a billion pink candles.

As a result, there's no birthday party, no papercut, and no dumping.

The next several months instead are spent with Bella and Alice in a battle of wills and a real rough spot in their friendship. Bella tries to explain to Edward that Alice treats her like a doll, not a person.

Edward, of course, has no idea what she's talking about.

Bella fails to realize that Edward also treats her like a doll and not a person.

Laurent's Scouting Mission

As in canon, Laurent is probably sent by Victoria to scout. Victoria probably never left the area which means (remember this is book universe where Riley was in California) that she never turned Riley.

Without being all over the Forks area killing hikers, probably fewer wolves are turned. Yes, the Cullens are in the area, but they've been there three years, are very non-threatening, and in that time only Sam shifted.

We don't see the deluge of shifting until after the Cullens have left and Victoria starts actively attacking the area.

(Yes, this is worthy of a meta but that meta is not this meta)

Regardless, Laurent shows up, Sam's not sure if he's one of those friends of the Cullens or not, and Laurent walks in to see that all the Cullens are there.

Just like he expected.

Because Victoria has sent him to die.

Carlisle feels a headache coming on but is not shocked to see that Laurent's eyes are red again after only a few months. (Though this explains the sobbing phone call that Carlisle got from Irina asking if he'd seen Laurent because that beautiful, perfect, man has gone missing!)

Laurent provides some weasley bullshit explanation anyway. He asks, though it's really more of a demand, that he join the Cullen coven (much larger than the Denali, very gifted, and very powerful). Carlisle says no, Laurent has to stick to the diet if he joins the coven and he has to mean it. Given Laurent's current appearance, it seems as if Laurent is not willing to do that.

Laurent then begs them to let him stay: Victoria will murder him otherwise (and oh by the way she's after your Lunchable Bella Swan). That gets Edward into action, he demands Laurent's death and that he then hunt down Victoria personally.

Carlisle politely suggests that Laurent, rather than seek shelter from them who he knows Victoria intends to cross paths with, go back to the Denali and give the diet another whirl.

Laurent flees back to the Denali, Irina is ecstatic to see him. Victoria's not even surprised.

The family discusses what to do about Victoria. Carlisle would rather not hunt this woman down on hearsay alone. Jasper thinks they should have killed her to start and letting her escape was foolishness, he told them she'd be back. Edward for once is with Jasper, Victoria must be destroyed before she can harm Bella. They look to Alice and, yeah, there's a good possibility that Victoria will be back.

Edward is torn between hunting down Victoria and protecting Bella in person. Jasper leaves before he can make the decision, which of course angers Edward beyond belief, but, well, he guesses it is what it is.

Edward decides to not tell Bella that a vampire is after her life: it'll just worry her.

Jasper's Hunting Mission

Jasper likely has a devil of a time catching Victoria, as he did the first time, because of her gift. He ends up having very long phone calls with Alice as he tries to coordinate a successful solution to this.

Because Edward never left Bella, she never sought out Jake. She never forms her friendship with Jake nor realizes the secret behind the shapeshifters.

Billy tries to give Bella a few more ominous warnings but there's no getting through to this girl.

Edward never proposes to Bella because he's intent on leaving her after graduation. He does not tell Bella this though she constantly worries about it.

He assures her they can have a long distance relationship at college (he has no such intentions).

Victoria is kept out of the Forks area by Jasper and likely takes the one obvious route left to her. She has nothing left to live for, and it doesn't matter how much terror she lives in the Volturi, if this means her death then so be it.

She goes to the Volturi and narks on the Cullens.

Victoria Narks

It... does not go as planned.

Aro placates Caius with many excuses: this girl is in her primary schooling, is the only daughter of a police chief, she cannot simply disappear.

Carlisle is likely waiting until after she graduates and can disappear across the country.

And yes, technically this James fellow had bit Bella and they had their perfect chance but... Well, Aro will talk to Carlisle, it is not breaking the law yet.

Aro travels to Forks in person with Renata, shows up on Carlisle's doorstep, and says, "We need to talk."

Aro lays down the law, this girl better be turned after graduation, and Aro can only stall Caius so long. Also, great to see you, you built yourself a coven and that's perfectly marvelous.

Edward, of course, throws a fit but the law is the law and the law just visited them for tea. Aro makes it very clear that either Bella is turned, she dies, or Aro will have no choice to take adverse action against Edward at the very least (if not Carlisle and the rest of the Cullens).

Aro also points out this is an unsustainable relationship that's not good for anybody. Yes, it's too bad the girl has no choice, but they really should have thought of that before Edward walked around strongly hinting he wasn't human.

Edward insists they vote.

The vote doesn't go the way he likes.

Esme doesn't want Edward to live in misery after Bella dies, Rosalie doesn't like the idea of turning Bella but it appears they have no choice, Jasper (via conference call) doesn't want to be the one to eat Bella and it's stupid given the VOLTURI IS IN THE ROOM FOR THIS VOTE, and Carlisle notes that it appears Bella has no other option and at least this seems to be what she wants?

They will turn Bella after graduation.

Edward smashes a TV.

They tell Edward to tell Bella, it should come from him, Edward never does.

Instead, out of nowhere, he asks her to marry him and elope. They can live on a deserted island somewhere.

Bella thinks this is stupid and says no.

Edward dies inside.

Victoria Chooses Death

Victoria is out of options, the Volturi did not come through, and she wanders out of Volterra in a daze.

She guns it for Forks with Jasper hot on her tail. If there's one thing left for her, she will murder this Bella Swan before she dies. She fails, Jasper catches up to her in Forks and murders her.

No one tells Bella.

Graduation

After graduation, Carlisle picks Bella up. Bella has no idea what's happening, Carlisle assumes she does. Carlisle lays down the game plan, she's going to take a summer abroad before school starts, travelling with Alice, then both she and Alice will disappear in an accident.

Bella asks him to hold up, what the hell is he talking about?

Carlisle realizes with dull horror that Edward never told Bella. He awkwardly explains that the Volturi personally came to visit and, well, they have to turn Bella into a vampire.

He's very sorry.

Bella's very on board with this, she asks if it can be Edward that does it.

Carlisle says no, that's not a good idea.

They stare at each other.

Carlisle cannot believe Edward didn't tell her.

Edward and Bella do not get married nor does she have sex with him as a human.

[anime-grimmy-art]

Told you guys I’d ramble in due time.

I absolutely adore Bravely Default 2. It came at a really bad time cos I can’t waste 70 hours on a jrpg, but well, it’s too late to be concerned about that now. And as is tradition with me obsessing over a new game / show / whatever, you’ll basically find a fullblown review disguised as ramblings right under the cut. Be aware that I’m gonna talk about EVERYTHING, so spoilers are a given. Some maybe even for the previous Bravely Default games.

Also, if you wanna talk about this game in any capacity, hit me up, I’m DESPERATE to talk more about it.

Just for reference on how long this is gonna be, I made a voice recording while driving to remember all the points I wanna make, and that recording is almost 2 hours long. I did cut it down but still, this is gonna be a lot.

I’ll start off with the things that actually bugged me about the game, since there are only 3 things that really bothered me. First of, I really don’t like that you can name Seth. He has too much personality to be a self insert and player integration is not that big of a part in the game that this decision can be justified. It wouldn’t bother me that much if it didn’t leave a bad mark on the ending. First of all, we were robbed of Gloria desperately shouting for Seth, which makes the impact work less, and it’s just so prevalent that the name can’t be said because you have all the normal sound design going. If they’d just let the credits still play I wouldn’t have batted an eye, but because every other sound comes in it’s so obvious they’re just silently shouting in this scene, which makes it look silly. Like I said, this decision is more a detriment than an addition, and it’s a shame it casts a shadow on an otherwise heartfelt ending.

Speaking about lost potential, the other thing that really bothers me is the lost potential in certain plot points and character conclusions. I mainly mean Adam and Edna here. Both of them have been built up to be these formidable foes but they just, die. If it was just Adam I’d be fine with it, since you expect Edna to backstab him and be the actual big bad of the story, but I cannot fathom why they dropped Edna this HARD. If not Edna herself, I don’t understand why we don’t get more of a reaction from the Fairies and especially Adelle. I mean, Edna was her sole reason she left for her journey in the first place, then Edna dies and that’s it? No part where she grieves for a second? No concern from the others about Adelle? Mind you, I haven’t finished all the Sidequests, so maybe there actually is one in which this is addressed, but I think even just a Party Chat after Bad End 1 would have been sufficient to show how Adelle suddenly feels about the loss of Edna. It would have made Bad End 2 / The Secret Ending even more impactful, because, yeah, of course, you kinda know Adelle isn’t going to turn her back on fairy kind, but one of the reasons she doesn’t leave is because if Enda didn’t get a happy ending, then she shouldn’t either. It would have been amazing foreshadowing if she showed this sentiment before this scene happened. Other than that, it’s a shame that we know so little about Edna, or rather, how she became “bad”. I get she’s supposed to be corrupted by the Night’s Nexus, but how did it even come to this? It can’t have been a gradual thing, after all, Adelle says Edna was always good natured and then just disappeared one day. Really would have loved seeing more of that plot point.

Ok, last gripe I have, some choices in the soundtrack and sound design. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the OST, and I will get to that, but damn, whatever Revo used for the lead instrument in Wiswald hurts my ears. It’s a really good track, but I always have to turn down my volume because these high pitched sounds physically hurt. And for sound design. Dude, the Night’s Nexus is the least threatening, nightmare fueled abomination that ever existed. I get that its growl is kinda supposed to be layered with Edna’s or sth, but it, it just sounds silly. If they went the route of just swinging between different voices or began distorting it from phase to phase, it would have been fine. But the choice they made really made an otherwise creepy design just absolutely silly.

Ok, enough jammering, on to the good stuff. Like I said, there’s going to be a lot, so I’ll try to be brief in each aspect.

Gameplay

I honestly like the new battle mechanics more than the old ones. This individual, turn based system feels way more dynamic and it’s easier to strategies in battles. Because nothing made me more angry than setting up for a heal and the enemy suddenly being faster than me and killing my healer. Now it’s easier to plan ahead a bit.

I also found myself experimenting more with the jobs. Not sure what it really is, but none of the party members leaning more towards certain types of jobs and the job leveling being way faster probably helped.

And I know some people get up in arms because the boss sometimes can be a real pain in the ass (looking at you pope dude), I still found it very interesting getting around counters or even using these counters as a benefit. As an example, I made Adelle my main physical fighter and gave her lots of counter abilities to help her profit from being countered by enemies themselves. Now, she can attack enemies, get countered, automatically evade that counter and earn a BP at the same time. Made a lot of boss fights way easier and fun to exploit.

Music

Ok, I will try my best to be really, really brief, because in my recording this part takes up almost 40 minutes. Anyways, Revo might have just become one of my absolute favorite composers ever. I don’t know what kind of magic he used, but I initially wasn’t that impressed with the OST, but every time I listened to it, I just fell in love harder and harder. Before getting into specifics, I wanna highlight the two things that made me love this OST overall. First of all, this soundtrack almost seems like a refinement of BD’s. While losing some of that fairytale vibe, it sounds even more fantasy now. And in contrast to the original, this almost sounds more balanced? Like, BD’s OST felt high energy throughout, BD2’s on the other hand manages to find a good balance between high and low energy pieces. Like, the character themes or battle themes are absolute hype, but the overworld themes are a lot calmer and easier to listen to while exploring. Second big point that makes this soundtrack amazing is that Revo is an absolute god at using emotional progression/storytelling and leitmotifs in his songs. And heck, do I love myself my leitmotifs. You’ve got some obvious ones, like the final battle theme in which all the character themes and other leitmotifs are integrated. Then you got some maybe more subtle once, just like how the overworld themes are just the main theme, just a lot calmer and using the lead instruments of the towns of the areas.

But my absolute favourites gotta be the character themes and the main theme. I love how fitting the themes for the characters are and in general, each of them is such a bop. At first I prefered Elvis’, because I sure am a sucker for jazzy vibes, but over time Adelle’s became my fav. It’s just something about the trumpets, and how the theme almost sounds a bit melancholic and bittersweet, that drew me in. And considering her story, mostly her bad end, that the bittersweet tone really fits.

Then there’s the main theme. Just like BD’s it shouts “triumphant anthem” and it definitely gives you a very familiar vibe, but I’d argue it has even better emotional progression. Heck, the first time I heard the music start up in the reveal trailer, I didn’t have to look at the screen to know this is gonna be a BD game. Also, the credit song version had me weeping at the true end. I’m someone who’s very easily affected by music (if me shouting about soundtracks on this blog wasn’t proof enough) and just hearing that ending song, getting the after credits scene, just for the second credits to start as a freaking duet. Dude, at that point I just started sobbing, I’m not gonna lie. Just this little part showed how much Revo knows how to put emotion in a song and also write it in such a way that he can elicit strong, emotional reactions from you too. 

Story

People have been complaining how the story is too boring and kinda disappointing in comparison to the last one, but I just think the games tried to accomplish different things here. Since the BD series is a celebration of old, classic jrpgs, “cliche” storytelling is a given. Though, BD did throw a lot of meta stuff in there too. BD2 in contrast just feels like a direct execution of that initial idea. It feels familiar, it feels comfy and it feels safe. Except for the little things with the endings and then overwriting the Nexus’ “save file”, BD2 doesn’t really get that meta, which is totally fine. It doesn’t try to reinvent or innovate anything, it just wants to be a fantasy story, that might be cliche, but still fun and enjoyable in its own right.

I’d also argue that the pacing is a lot better than the old game, because with BD I sometimes found myself skipping through scenes to get on with the story. Not that this game didn’t have me rushing through stuff as well, but I found it kept my intrigue way better than the original.

Characters

Next to the music, this is the part that I absolutely love the most. While, yes, they did lose a lot of potential with some characters, mostly with the villains, the main cast is just so much fun. I love these 4 dorks so, so much.

I honestly can’t stand how much people compare them to the original cast. Yes, ofc, I’ve been doing my fair share of comparisons too, but calling these four a more boring version of BD’s party physically hurts me. Because except for some initial impressions, the Heroes of Light are completely different from our beloved Warriors of Light.

While yes, Seth and Gloria give off strong Tiz and Agnes vibes at first, they both grow into such different characters that they’re not really comparable. I think this shows with Adelle and Elvis even more. I do understand how people could compare Adelle and Edea, since they’re both the feisty girl type, but I can’t understand how people can see Ringabel and Elvis as the same character type. While those two are the “suave” party members, they act so differently from another. And that’s honestly apparent the first time you meet them. 

Anyways, I love these 4 so much.

We technically don’t know a lot about Seth at all, but they manage to pull so much out of just the fact that he’s a sailor, that it makes him really endearing, really fast.

I was kinda disinterested with Gloria at first, because again, the initial impression was Agnés2.0, but she grew on me a lot. Gloria is way more hard headed and honestly sassy in comparison to Agnés and I absolutely adore it.

Elvis. Elvis, my man. I love this fantasy scottosh wizard so, so much. He’s such a ridiculous character but so endearing at the same time. You got all this dorkiness, with him setting himself on fire as a student, him doing god knows what for a good drink or just laughing danger and prejudice in the face. But then you got his super empathetic and caring side. Mind you, most of his wise moments come from quoting Lady Emma, but still, as much as he’s hopeless with certain social situations, he’s actually still really good at reading the room and playing things smart. He’s a smart and powerful idiot, which makes him a danger to everyone and himself, and I love him for it. (I also can’t believe they called him Lesley I MEAN COME ON)

And then there’s Adelle. I liked her from the start, but I didn’t think she would stick out to me. I think now she’s my favourite character. Not even talking about all the stuff that happens in chapter 3 and onward, because these story threads are awesome in their own right, but there’s just something about her personality that’s interesting and appealing to me. Like I said, I’m not surprised people compare her to Edea, I did too at first, but while Edea walks very close to the line of a Tsundere, I was really surprised that Adelle is, well, not a Tsundere at all. Yeah, of course she’s putting Elvis down a lot, but that stems more from her preventing his ego from going to his head than her being all embarrassed. No, Adelle is actually really well adjusted when it comes to communication. While it’s hilarious that she and Elvis met with her chucking her shoes at him, the two just got along well right from the start. Adelle in general has this really open and helpful personality, but also doesn’t shy away from putting her foot down, even if that sometimes comes out as an embarrassed sputter. She’s also the mother hen of the group. She looks out for the other three and gets concerned about them real fast. 

I dunno, Adelle just really grew on me over the course of this game, and then her kinda being paired with Elvis too, as partners and as partners, makes me like her even more. Because as much as I like their personalities individually, I like their character dynamic even more. I honestly love the relationships between all four of them a lot. You really feel them grow closer as friends and all the little character sidequests just always made me really happy.

Conclusion

You might not believe me, but I really held back there. This could probably have been 3 times its length. As much as I love this game, it’s of course not perfect. It struggles and flails in some parts a lot and it certainly has some aspects that might turn people off. But for me, it was just a very familiar and comfy game that didn’t necessarily deliver anything new, but that told its story in such a way that it still got me excited to keep going. The soundtrack is absolutely amazing and the conclusion of the story actually got me to cry. While not groundbreaking, this game is highly enjoyable and leaves you absolutely satisfied at the end.

Also, I would like to iterate that I am desperate to get more content about this game, so if you wanna chat about it, hit me up.

Anyways, anyone else felt like having a fever dream when everybody in chapter 2 started talking fantasy scottish? Cos I sure did.

[therealvinelle]

How do you believe Carlisle feels about Esme? How would their break up go? Would he ever cheat on her? I mean like emotionally?

He loves her.

I don’t doubt that his feelings for Esme are genuine, that he respects and cherishes her and wishes to spend his life with her. Esme, too, worships the man.

My complete lack of faith in this ship comes from the fact that they’re together for the wrong reasons and not compatible. 

The Bad Beginning

Carlisle had spent centuries searching for likeminded, he never did. In the end he succumbs and starts creating his own, first Edward and then Esme, and to his joy they both agree to do the diet.

Esme’s transformation was entirely an impulse on his end. He saw this delightful, vivacious young woman he’d known ten years ago lie broken and dying in the morgue, a Jane Doe declared dead, she was all too easy to steal. She was too far gone for him to have time to think it over, and so he went «alright let’s do this. I imagine it seemed rather like God had sent her to that morgue specifically. We learn from Midnight Sun that romance wasn’t on his mind at all (even if it was, that wouldn’t make their marriage more functional) and he expected nothing of her. He bit her because he didn’t want Esme Platt to die.

Esme, of course, wakes up into this new life under surreal, heavenly circumstances. Her child is still dead - but here is the mythic, pedestaled Dr. Cullen, now her savior and more wonderful than ever. To back myself up with the books:

Esme had already been in love with Carlisle—much to his shock—but not through any mystical, magical means. She’d met Carlisle as a girl and, drawn to his gentleness, wit, and otherworldly beauty, formed an attachment that had haunted her for the rest of her human years. Life had not been kind to Esme, and so it was not surprising that this golden memory of a good man had never been supplanted in her heart. After the burning torment of transformation, when she’d awakened to the face of her long-cherished dream, her affections were entirely his. (Midnight Sun, chapter Bloodtype)

Carlisle, on his end, hadn’t had the idea at all until Edward said “Dude, she’s into you, go for it.”

I’d been on hand to caution Carlisle about her unforeseen reaction. He’d expected that she would be shocked by her transformation, traumatized by the pain, horrified by what she’d become, much as I had been. He’d expected to have to explain and apologize, to soothe and to atone. He knew there was a good chance that she would have preferred death, that she would despise him for the choice made without her knowledge or consent. So the fact that she had been immediately prepared to join this life—not really the life, but to join him—was not something he was ready for.

He’d never seen himself as a possible object of romantic love before that moment. It seemed contrary to what he was—a vampire, a monster. The knowledge I gave him changed the way he looked at Esme, the way he looked at himself.

More than that, it was very a powerful thing, choosing to save someone. It was not a decision any sane individual made lightly. (sic)

I’m not entirely void of authorial intent - I get that this was supposed to be romcom where the cute nerdy guy has no idea the girl is interested. 

But, what I see is that after centuries of being alone, never finding anybody who shared his values, Carlisle finally has these two people who share his ideals, the only two in the world. He’s had countless friends, but it never worked out because of that damn diet. But, now he has these two people, and one of them is a beautiful, kind, wonderful woman who’s in love with him.

I imagine falling for Esme was easy. It was just so perfect, simply by being Carlisle Cullen he could make her happier than any other man, and given their shared diet, he wanted her by his side always, just as he did Edward. And this was it for him, really, to Carlisle Cullen Esme might as well be the only woman in the world because she’s the only one who'll share his lifestyle. He also felt responsible for her.

I don’t at all doubt their sincerity or affection for one another.

However, they did not fall for each other for each other’s sakes. Esme fell for the ideal since childhood, and Carlisle fell because she was perfect. Stick them in an AU and it won’t happen.

The Slippery Slope

Where they run into trouble is firstly that Esme doesn’t share these ideals, nor value human life for its own sake. Now, I’m not asking her to be a saint - but over the course of these books we had some lapses that I find pretty damning. 

She wanted Edward back in Forks, when this would almost certainly mean the death of Bella Swan, simply because to Esme having Edward nearby > a person’s life. This wasn’t the case for Carlisle, he made it extremely clear he wanted Edward to leave.

During the “Kill Bella?” vote, she was in favor of whatever meant Edward would stay.

Carlisle, having failed to get anywhere with talking sense into Edward, sends him home to his mother for an intervention. What happens next is that Esme gives Edward her blessing to eat the delicious girl if he wants to. Now, we can’t know specifically the talk Carlisle and Esme had before this, but I can’t imagine it was this. Also, damn, what a miscommunication.

Esme simply doesn’t have a problem with the deaths of individual humans, and she will put her loved ones above all other things, even if it’s a minor inconvenience. Keeping Bella alive only becomes her priority after Edward makes it clear he wants this.

Now, Carlisle’s standards have been worn down over the centuries, he just wants his family to try not to eat people on purpose, that’s how low the bar is. Tragically for his marriage, Esme is stumbling over said bar.

The further trouble they run into is that I don’t think they’re very compatible people.

Esme means well, but she’s peculiar, to put it extremely nicely. Her ambition in life is to LARP the human life, right down to being a master chef of something her species can’t eat, which could be sweet if she did other things. She doesn’t, the closest she gets is designing homes for her family. There’s being single-minded, and then there’s Esme, who appears to have honed herself into someone who exists only to be the housewife.

This leads to bizarre behavior - for instance in Midnight Sun when Edward has realized he’s in love, he sits around laughing to himself like a lunatic while playing the piano. Something happens with Rosalie, who runs out of the house in humiliation. Esme, responding to all this, gives her infamous “the best and brightest of us all” pep talk.

It’s just such a weird scene, even accounting for the inhumanity of Twilight vampires this is weird.

Mostly, thought, it is Esme’s interests and desires in life that I find so at odds with Carlisle’s. She wants to be an improved human, living the shinier, better, life without actually embracing the inhumanity of vampirism, while Carlisle is doing the human thing because he wants to be a doctor and save lives. Before that, he was travelling the world, living with normal vampires, using his eternity to study and pursue meaning in life. Now, they end up in the same place, with similar goals - wanting to blend in with humans - but the motivation is the polar opposite.

Which in turn means that as the world turns and their lives inevitably change, the way they live will have to change. This will spell trouble.

There’s also me having a strong suspicion these two don’t have much of a physical relationship, if any. Meyer specifically referred to their relationship as spiritual, and that fits the vibe we get from them in the books. Quite notably, Rosalie and Emmett were impossible to be around when they were newlyweds, while Carlisle and Esme weren’t a problem at all. 

Not to mention what Esme longed for all those years was very much an ideal of a man, which to me doesn’t immediately point to a very physical attraction.

The Penultimate Peril

Would he cheat on her, you ask. Answer is yes, they’re both cheating emotionally with Edward. No. 

He’s with her because he wants to be, and feels responsible for her. More, developing the kinds of feelings necessary for an emotional affair isn’t really on the table for him, since everyone else in the world is either a. one of his kids or the Denali, b. an unrepentant man-eating demon. So, unless Tanya’s feeling frisky, Carlisle doesn’t have anybody to cheat with.

(I’m here defining an emotional affair, which as I understand it is a bit hard to define, as a romantic, but non-physical entanglement. The cheating party has to know their partner wouldn’t be cool with it for it to count in my eyes.)

As for physically cheating on her, nope. God no, not ever. Unless something really convoluted like the plot of Blue Moon unfolded, but that’s really more a case of Esme pimping out her husband to her daughter-in-law, so everyone’s to blame here.

The end

I think the breakup can happen in any number of ways, but I think either way it will be sudden. 

These two aren’t going to go “you know, I think we’ve grown apart” because Esme would never acknowledge that nevermind walk up to Carlisle and say it, and if Carlisle realized things aren’t working he’d still want to stick it out for her sake.

I think it’ll be sudden, it’ll happen as the immovable object that is them is hit by an unstoppable force. One will go someplace the other can’t follow. Maybe when the Cullen coven splits down the middle, and they’re on each their own side of the chasm, or maybe some other cause entirely.

It’ll devastate them both, but given the people these two are, I think it’s inevitable.

[carelesscreativity]

Crink Angst Ending ft. Bad Sans Poly

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

(SFW, Angst)

Each strike was precise. Cross' brow was furrowed in concentration as he deflected arrow after arrow. Despite his best efforts, they were still pushing him back towards the snowy trees. He wasn't sure how he'd ended up facing Dream, but he didn't really have the option to complain. Blue wasn't too much of a fight for him and it was better than the third party. Cross' back hit the trunk of the tree and Dream cornered him.

It was supposed to be a simple mission. Go in, spread a little chaos and then leave, but the Star Sanses must've had this AU on lock because they'd arrived much faster than the Bad Sanses had anticipated. They were still in Snowdin, having not even reached Waterfall yet. They could only fight them as they waited for the backup (Error and Nightmare) to arrive. A blaster activated, startling both Dream and Cross. The overpowered, somewhat purple beam of light that decimated the ground between them was clearly Dust's, but it had carried something over. Someone over.

Cross felt his body freeze up as he saw Ink, the artist stumbling to his feet with a small laugh as the incinerated parts of his body began to bubble back. He glanced to the side and met Cross' wide eyes. His eyes shifted shapes to a yellow star and a pink heart. He turned to Dream with a smile, summoning his paintbrush. "Mind if we switch?" Dream scoffed and went to go apprehend Dust. That left Cross alone with Ink.

Ink's smile faltered as Dream disappeared and he turned to Cross, his eyelights changing to a yellow star and a blue raindrop. There was silence between them for what felt like an uncomfortably long time. Neither of them moved before Ink made the first move. "C..." He managed quietly. Cross stopped him, saying that he shouldn't call him that anymore. His blade shook slightly as he pointed it at him before lowering it. He stood up straight and moved away from the tree, starting to stride past Ink. He jumped as his shirt was snagged and he froze. He wouldn't look back.

"Ink, please." He said, his firm voice only having the tiniest hint of a waver. "We... can't go back." When there was no answer and Ink had yet to let go of him, Cross finally turned to face him. "You made your choice and I made mine." Ink released the shirt as Cross turned around. Cross couldn't help but pause upon seeing Ink. He'd never seen the carefree guardian look like that. Both eyelights were blue and his shoulders were sunken as he stared at him. "Ink..." Cross' voice was little more strangled than he would've liked. "Please... don't look like that."

"Look like what?" Ink asked. His voice was a little strained as well, his eyelights finally moving away from Cross to look at the ground. Though the shapes did change every time he blinked, they continued to remain that dreary blue. "Is it bad? I'm not sure what I look like right now, but I can only assume it's not good." Cross watched in confusion and then dismay as Ink's sockets watered. He'd never seen Ink cry either. He blinked as another blast rocked the town and the snow from the tree he'd been under fell, some landing on Ink. He didn't seem to notice or if he did, he wasn't showing it.

It was a pitiful sight, Ink seemingly struggling not to cry as his body began to shiver from being covered in snow. The other had long let his oversized paintbrush drop to his side. Cross felt his soul squeeze. Ink seemed confused at himself and it struck Cross that maybe Ink had never felt this intensely before. He watched as those blue eyes made their way up to meet his again and the next blink brought that one heart-shaped eyelight again. It sent a pang through his chest.

He gulped and looked back, knowing that he could potentially be in quite a bit of trouble for being seen with the enemy like this. Ink finally spoke. "We were here before. I-It was a really long time ago, so I don't expect you to remember. I took you here and we spent our time in Waterfall, among the echo flowers. You pushed me into the river when I annoyed you..." He gave a weak laugh. "I-I'm not sure how I remember that... M-Maybe it's written on my scarf??" He began to pull the fabric up, his hands shaking.

Cross was paused. He did remember that. Ink had popped up out of the river with such a loud, boisterous laugh that it had startled him. His soul ached again. Ink was still searching his scarf, weakly pulling the fabric and searching. He was becoming more and more confused and distraught trying to find it. His eyelights were shooting through so many shapes per second. Cross finally stabbed his blade into the ground and moved back towards him, unable to keep seeing Ink like this. Ink seemed startled, dropping his scarf and taking a step back.

Warmth suddenly enveloped him and Ink had to take moment to process that he was being hugged. Hugs were always so strange to Ink. He paused before slowly wrapping his arms around Cross in response. Another blast shook the ground and for a moment, Cross felt Ink press into him as he startled. It was just like how he remembered. He finally pulled back a little, looking down at Ink. The other wouldn't look up, even when Cross said his name. Finally, the soldier reached down and lifted his chin.

He paused. Translucent tears streamed down Ink's cheeks, only flashes of rainbow seen in the clear liquid. Cross' eyes were wide and he cupped Ink's cheek, using his thumb to try and wipe them away. "I-It's wet?" Ink asked after a moment, furrowing his brow. Cross' soul sank and he told Ink quietly that he was crying. "A-Am I??" Ink seemed genuinely surprised and reached up, wiping at his own cheeks. "That means sadness, doesn't it? I'm sad?" Cross knew Ink had a lot of trouble distinguishing that. He asked what he thought he felt. Ink furrowed his brow.

"My chest is heavy inside. Everything feels too tight and I think I'm shaking a lot. I... I think it's painful?" He really didn't seem like he was sure. "It happens when I look at you. And think of you." Cross stared at him in quiet dismay. "I-I think I miss you. I miss you a lot." Ink's bluntness never failed to take Cross back, but this time, all he felt was another pang. He pulled Ink close again and the other seemed to accept, hugging him back. "I asked Dream what it was and he said I was experiencing grief. But that's when someone dies, isn't it?"

Cross had started instinctively rubbing Ink's back without realizing, saying quietly that that wasn't always the case. Ink fell quiet and Cross could practically feel him trying to make sense of that. "Would it make you feel better to know that I miss you too?" Cross' voice was quiet and he felt Ink's grip on him slightly tighten after a moment as he nodded. Cross kept glancing around for any hints of the Bad Guys or the Stars. He didn't want either of them in trouble for this. "We can't go back, Ink. We made our choices."

"I-I know that... I was just wondering why I felt like this... Why I'm grieving even though you aren't dead." Ink's voice was weak and confused. "It's odd. Usually, I'm excited to feel new things, but this... I don't like this..." Cross nodded. He understood that it was difficult for Ink to get. Being soulless while experiencing nostalgia and grief couldn't have been fun. He continued to rub his back. He moved them back into the tree line to keep them hidden, dissipating his knife from where it had been stuck in the ground in the clearing.

Ink clung to him the entire time. "Cross?" The soldier looked down at Ink in surprise, knowing it must be important if Ink was using his full name. "Can I have one more kiss?" Cross froze and stared down at him with wide eyes. Ink stared back up at him. "That's all I'm asking for. Nothing more. I just... want something. Like when you comforted me when I was injured. It made me feel good." Cross remembered. The small kisses he would give Ink as he healed him. The way Ink would fluster without realizing. The thought almost brought a smile back to his face. Almost.

"One more." He said quietly. Ink blinked and looked up at him with wide eyes. He hadn't been expecting Cross to agree. At the very least, he'd just expected him to say no. Ink pressed against him and Cross leaned down, gently pressing their teeth together. It was soft, tender and exactly how Ink remembered it. His body filled with warmth from the area where his soul would have been. He habitually wrapped his arms up around Cross' neck and he felt the other's hands rest on his hips in response. He didn't know why, but his sockets suddenly burned and he had to pull away as he screwed them shut.

Cross pulled Ink back into the hug and watched as a cascade of tears erupted down Ink's face and he inhaled shakily. "I-I don't... What's...?" He hiccuped and Cross understood. He lowered them both to the ground on their knees and Ink leaned against him, still trying to pull together enough of a sentence to ask what was happening to him.

"Ink." The artist looked up at Cross with wide, teary eyes as the soldier spoke and Cross sighed. "Just relax yourself and cry." Cry? Hadn't Ink already been crying? He furrowed his brow, but did as Cross said, relaxing himself. However, the second he did so, a sob tore itself from his throat. While he was startled, he couldn't stop himself and Ink quickly became overwhelmed, starting to cry. His sobs even sounded confused. He was trying to stop them, but Cross placed a hand on his back, telling him to just let it out.

Ink stopped trying to contain it and buried himself against Cross, hiccuping. Cross noticed a dark figure out of the corner of his eye and he glanced over. Nightmare watched them quietly. Cross' body tensed a little, but this was a FAR better alternative than any of the others finding him like this. Nightmare seemed docile and Cross could tell he was sensing their emotions. The king had never felt pain and sorrow from Ink before. He'd never felt anything this strong from Ink before. Still, the darker gestured to Ink with a raised brow.

Cross mouthed that he needed a few minutes. That Ink had been experiencing grief without even realizing what it was. He paused before managing to mouth that he felt this was them saying their final goodbyes. Nightmare nodded, keeping quiet. Cross was relieved. If anyone would understand, it was Nightmare. He would know that this wasn't Cross betraying them. He was devoted to them, but Nightmare knew he wouldn't be able to let Ink suffer like that by himself. Nightmare signed for Cross to come back once he was ready.

Cross relaxed and nodded. The entire time, Ink had been sobbing into his chest, his mind a whirlwind as he tried to process what he was feeling. Nightmare disappeared and Cross returned to rubbing Ink's back and comforting him again. He moved to lean back against a tree, pulling the other with him. He couldn't stay like this forever. They couldn't stay like this forever. But he wanted to be there for Ink now. Like he had been then.

One final bit of time together. Then maybe they could both let go.

[samdotdocx]

A very long-winded essay about why I love Night in the Woods and The Ramayana makes me Big Mad ft. Lets Talk About Mental Illness™

So I was in this class called 'The Ecology of Language". Excellent class, 10/10 would recommend - and especially relevant in the Indian context in particular, but that's a topic for another day.

One of the things we talked about was the concept of 'relatibality' in media, which, I'm sure we can all agree is a large component of contemporary character or story-line development. Considering the context of modern readers, what that sometimes ends up looking like (in our society that is built on constantly being told we are lacking, and the subsequent need to satisfy manufactured desires), is some wonderfully nuanced characters in stories stories that are three-dimensional, well rounded, and well developed and written. It's pretty great. And sometimes, what that means is that we have excellent characters that don't conform to the standard 'protagonist' stereotype. They might not even be 'good' (this is NOT a villain-apologist post). In fact, they might be complete idiots. They might be the people in stories who make all the wrong choices.

One such relatable character is Mae, and it's because she's an unmitigated train-wreck.

Anyone who knows the game probably knows what I'm talking about when I say the illustration style and character designs are gorgeous. Anyone who's ever dissociated probably knows what I'm talking about when I say that illustration style and character design were excellently used to create the sort of subliminal, surreal state of Mae's mind. And as you play the game, you see how that state of mind plays with the other characters, and - spoiler - it isn't great.

This is the first of the relatable aspects of Mae’s character; there are people around her who love her and are worried about her, but at the same time, are angry and irritated about her behaviour. At what point does it become too much to ask of those around you to forgive all your continuous and repetitive mistakes? Even if you have a good reason for it, mental illness is not an excuse for being exploitative, even if it is unintentional. Mae is not trying to hurt the people around her, but she constantly needs emotional labour from them – it’s exhausting, and people’s patience is going to run out eventually, as is their right.

Another aspect of this behaviour is the lack of reciprocity, an example of this being when Bea’s mother died of cancer – and Mae didn’t even notice.

There are several instances of Mae’s thoughtless behaviour throughout the game; she gets completely wasted and makes a scene at the party, gets jealous of of Greg and Angus because they’re leaving the town without her, and ends up destroying the radiator Bea was supposed to fix, getting her in trouble.

The thing is though, that Mae is given the opportunity to fix her mistakes.

A large part of relatability is the want so see yourself in a character. Mae is relatable to me because there are several circumstances and events in our lives that match up, but more than that; the game is an interactive visualization of her healing process. Her nine steps, if you will. She is given a second chance – and that chance is hard won, particularly in the context of the game.

Mae talks about feeling like she’s falling behind, of knowing that she is, in a way, wasting an opportunity that was a privilege in the first place, especially considering her family’s financial situation – but at the same time, being literally unable to help herself. And the aspects of the gameplay that hint at the supernatural elements of the story possibly being a figment of Mae’s imagination – well. All us depressed losers know what it's like to not be able to trust your own judgement and point of view. She talks about why she dropped out of college, and her description of the dissociation, and the mental and emotional deadening that it causes is spot on and so well represented.

It underscores the point that the logical brain knows that mental illness is an illness like any other – but the emotional brain doesn’t care.

The game does a brilliant job of laying bare the realities of middle class life, and makes painfully clear the fact that, at that level, it doesn’t matter how difficult things are for you. The world isn’t going to wait for you to get back on your feet.

Mae’s mental state and the limitations it imposes on her cultivates a state of extreme frustration. Again, relatable. It’s an understated aspect of illness of any kind; the anger at yourself, and how that anger carries over into a lot of things in your day to day life. After a point, it becomes a habit. Mae does this too; she's belligerent, and instigative, and unrepentant of consequences, because anger blinds you.

It's not how things will always be. I have the privilege of hindsight, so I can say that with authority. But, this isn’t the kind of thing that ever fully leaves you, either. If you break a kneecap, it’s going to bother you for the rest of your life, and similarly, mental illness has a ‘no return, no refund’ policy. So you grow up, and you try to adapt those habits and impulses into a more positive context. Recycling, right? Maybe you set your sights on things that actually deserve your anger, and you go from there. You find people who, for their own reasons, perhaps or perhaps not related to your own, are angry.

And you don’t understand the people who are not.

A large part of the anger and frustration surrounding mental illness is due to the stigma surrounding it. It’s frustrating to be so powerless and dependent, but this is exacerbated by the attitude of ‘it can’t be that bad’, which makes it so difficult to reach out, to be able to say, ‘I need a break’ – and actually get one. This is an attitude that carries over to a lot of other issues as well, and the worst part is – we are surrounded by people who are okay with it, who believe in and support that mentality.

The myth of Sita, for example. She is a strong female figure in Indian mythology, who overcomes her circumstances to live a ‘good’ life, and for all intents and purposes, is a hell of a role model.

But that’s the thing; her life wasn’t good, was it? She was supposed be a goddess reincarnated, she should have been powerful, and respected, but instead she is reduced to ‘wife’ – and everyone today is fine with it.

I respect her immensely for the choices she made; marrying for love was her choice, going into exile with her husband was her choice. She was the paragon of virtue, of 'wifeliness', of kindness – she chose her husband over everyone and everything else, including herself, as was expected of her. But yet – she couldn't win his trust or respect. It should not even have needed to be won.

It’s commendable the way she takes it all in stride, but why did she? She was kidnapped and held captive for years, entirely against her will, and her husband's response to that is to force her to walk through fire to prove her ‘purity’ – and she does it. And she stays with him after, and I cannot understand the depths of her patience and forgiveness, because I would have been livid, and I want her to be so too. I’m furious for her, because Ram was not just her husband, he was also the king, and his later verdict to exile her, alone, while heavily pregnant, his readiness to condemn her based on speculation and public sentiment, was not just a verdict against her, it was against every woman in his kingdom who had ever been victimised.

Sita became a martyr to the modern feminist movement – if she could not be angry on her own behalf, we will do it for her. But at the same time, she is still relatable, because we are held to a slightly lesser degree of the same expectations. There are always going to be aspects of things that you relate to. ‘Big Mood’ culture is a strong indicator of the human ability to empathise, especially with characters that you like, or respect.

Sita’s world, I imagine, was run by the expectations her society and community had of her, and maybe she didn’t even have the liberty to be angry. Who is responsible for portraying her in passive acceptance of her fate? Is that representation reliable? Would the story have been different had it been written by a woman?

I can't remember a time when I was not angry, especially about things like this. I am always ready to fight, and I think the same goes for so many other people today, sometimes to our detriment. I cannot imagine a world where that was not at the very least an option. Not necessarily the best option, - but Sita’s world was very different to ours. Even with centuries between us, we’ve just gotten over angry and depressed women being labelled as ‘hysterical’ and subsequently being locked away. What is it like, to have to be calm and careful in response to being treated like this? This care in response may not be an overt requirement anymore – though the fact remains that society will not take you seriously if you become hysterical - but shouldn't you, at the very least, be able to rely on the support of other people in the same boat?

That is the main difference in these stories, and another main point of relatability to me; Mae, like myself, had a support system. Sita did not. Mae was selfish and demanding in so many ways, and required a lot of time and patience and healing before she was able to give back, but she got there eventually because she was able to put herself first. She fought for herself, and when she couldn’t, she had other people to fight for her. Night in the Woods represents the intersection of oppressed minorities and community with their portrayal of Mae, Greg, and Angus in particular, and the importance of community support – and, the difference between geographical community, and communities formed through camaraderie and actual unity. And so does the Ramayana - except, where was Sita’s community? Where were her sisters, or her parents, when she was abandoned in the woods, and later when she committed suicide? We are well aware, in the modern day, of the state of mind that causes people to kill themselves, and yet that is a part of the story that we never talk about. Where were her people then?

What would have happened if she had been more like Mae, and put herself first instead of bleeding herself dry for people who never respected her, and would never do the same for her?

People relate to personalities. They relate to choices, and circumstances, and habits, and it is neither a good nor a bad thing, to be relatable or not. Sita will be highly relatable to people who, like her, were governed by their circumstances, and were screwed over despite their best efforts. People who felt they couldn’t, or shouldn’t exercise their power and agency. Sita’s death was at odds with her strong personality, and so was her deference to her fate on many occasions, but there are a lot of people out there who will relate to the feeling of simply wanting things to be over. Mae on the other hand; she’s a steamroller, and she doesn’t stop. There’s a reason her character is a cat, and jokingly referred to as feral in the game. She is persistent, she is growing.

[1] In Defence of Kaikeyi and Draupadi: a Note – by Fritz Blackwellhttps://www.jstor.org/stable/23334398?read-now=1&seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents [2] https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/emergency-room-wait-times-sexism/410515/

[my-bated-breath]

Closing Thoughts on Vincenzo

No one asked, but here you go.

I watched the last two episodes of Vincenzo yesterday, but even in the midst of my viewing experience I was able to synthesis and analyze what I was enjoying and not-enjoying, what worked and what didn’t work (for me), so that itself says something about how immersive it was. Of course, Vincenzo is a great show — the action is sharp and satisfying, the schemes are elaborate and spectacular, the humor is cracky yet genuine, and the characters are so, so lovable. And I loved the romance side plot, because yes, I am weak. Still, the last 2-4 episodes strained some of that, and this is my take on why I felt not exactly disappointed, but underwhelmed in the final stretch. I’m also including what I did like at the very end, as that makes sense with how I’m structuring this kind-of-analysis.

spoilers below

Tension, Stakes, and Pay-off

The tension in Vincenzo has been ramped up ever since the death of Vincenzo’s mother, loudly and painfully declaring in that moment that “this is not a game” (contrary to Vincenzo telling Hanseok in jail that he’s toying with him). This leads to a chilling confrontation between Vincenzo and the antagonists while also uniting the residents of Geumga in all-out, unapologetic war. And there is no more game of chess — just one of cat and mouse, with Vincenzo descending upon his prey.

Hence, Vincenzo is noticeably less soft, and he strikes Babel with the steel of his resolve. His schemes feel much more sinister than mischievous as they had been before; he is ending this, once and for all. So, how does the show amp up the tension and stakes from there?

Well, it’s all in what I said before. The tension is teased out in Vincenzo stealing everything Hanseok has ever treasured and then taunting/threatening him in prison, and then with the Babel villains descending into chaos and desperation. The stakes, however, are less noticeable, because Vincenzo is kind of obviously winning. The stakes have already been established with Vincenzo’s mother, then paid off with her death, and then paid off even more with Vincenzo mercilessly seizing the upper hand.

That’s why I feel like Myunghee and Hanseo’s death just... happened. Because it’s been 3 whole episodes since Vincenzo has founded this new resolve, that sort of dragged out follow-up loses its thrill and gratification. They’ve been defeated now, completely and totally. But so what? They’ve been on the losing end for more than 3 hours of screen time now, and even their last resort of a counterattack didn’t hold much narrative weight (which is something I’ll get to later). Their deaths are not boring to say the least — I saw a post that said something similar to “Myunghee, a woman who danced to the music of others’ pain, died dancing to her own” and “Hanseo, a man with no heart, has a hole drilled into that empty cavity.”

But their deaths also happen very isolated from everyone else, not just physically, but emotionally as well. It’s almost as if Vincenzo’s clapping his hands and saying, “Let’s wrap this up now, I’m getting a little tired.” And while I wouldn’t say their deaths are unnecessarily cruel, given everything they’ve done, I don’t think Vincenzo does this in response to anything particularly substantial. Is this for his mother’s death? For Chayoung’s injury? For everyone else? Well, maybe, but it sure didn’t feel like he was contemplating that during or after torturing them. If I put the Vincenzo from the beginning of the show there in those two scenes vs Vincenzo from the end of the show, post character development and all, I think the only difference would be that beginning-of-the-show Vincenzo would still be unfamiliar with Babel’s crimes and see this as a waste of time.

A sort of side note: Now, one of the strong points of this show is its use of comedy in its otherwise very serious schemes (I still thinking about episodes 8 and 15 all the time). But with the impending climax and increasingly serious tone, there was no comedy to make said-serious schemes as engaging to watch. So now unable to rely on one of its greatest strengths, the show must rely on emotional impact. Or similarly: narrative weight.

Narrative Weight

In episodes 19-20, Chayoung is shot, Hanseo dies, and Chulwook is stabbed (and you think he’s going to die but he doesn’t). Who said there was no emotional impact in these episodes again?!

Oh right. Me.

Beyond Hong Yuchan and Oh Gyeongja’s death, injuries and fatalities suffered from our protagonists’ side don’t really have that many consequences. You can argue the consequences of Hanseo dying is that we’re all very sad, but both we and the characters are barely given a moment to grieve before we have to move on. What does Hanseo die for? He dies as an abuse victim just beginning to break out of the cycle he was trapped in, and that itself isn’t necessary a bad narrative choice, and he dies as a warrior in this Mafia vs Conglomerate war, but what does he die for? If it’s for Vincenzo and Chayoung to live, they pretty much get lucky with Hanseo running out of bullets. If it is to show that he had changed, and that this tied into some greater theme of redemption, then his death really isn’t really given enough thought for it to resonate well. I would’ve loved to see Vincenzo reflecting on Hanseo learning to trust and love again, despite all the mistakes he made in the past, and how that influences his own decision to embrace his version of villainous justice. But no. This is something I only thought of after reading a few Vincenzo posts and trying to justify my own moral for the show.

Don’t forget that Chulwook almost dies too. Like I genuinely believed he was dead, shed a tear for the daughter he would never meet, and then the show went like, “Guess what? Psyche!”

I’m not very fond of that injury/pseud-death-but-not-really.

And now we have Chayoung, the person who Vincenzo is the closest to. Don’t get me wrong, I amso weak for her never giving into Hanseo and asking for death over Vinceno getting hurt, for guarding Vincenzo from the bullet, for Vincenzo’s shocked and empty eyes, for Chayoung’s glazed gaze, for him desperately and powerlessly hugging her tightly because that’s all he can do for her now. Afterwards, she’s in the hospital, her shoulder is recuperating, and there’s a nice Chayenzo parallel to episode 4 when Chayoung was waiting by Vinny’s hospital bed. But afterwards afterwards? She’s just in the hospital. Sidelined from the climax.

Vincenzo told her, “I will finish this, for you.” That could’ve worked, because we could’ve seen Chayoung emotionally or spiritually with us during the climax and Myunghee and Hanseo’s deaths. But like I mentioned earlier, it really didn’t feel that way. Ultimately, the narrative tells us that Chayoung’s injury just means she can’t strain herself for a couple of days, despite initially delivering it so dramatically and emotionally.

As one of my friends said while we were discussing this episode: Vincenzo is the titular character, but Chayoung has so much to care for too. Her father died because of Babel, and she said, “We should share the danger.” Instead, we got a decentish-but-slightly-underwhelming scene where she is driven to see Vincenzo off. Okay then.

Characters

Speaking of, Chayoung receives much of the short-end of the character development stick in the last 4 episodes. I found this to be acceptable in episodes 17-18, and she does have that moment where she looked uncertain and nauseated at the death of the “hunting dogs” before shoving down her misgivings, clinging onto a facade of strength as she says “this is what I wanted.” Also, even though it wasn’t episode 14, I wasn’t complaining about the Chayenzo moments either.

But still, this is the second most important protagonist in the narrative and nothing about her really changes in these last few episodes. Nor does she experience catharsis alongside Vincenzo, emotionally or otherwise. There had been some buildup about whether or not Chayoung can swallow the cruel path that she has chosen, but if she’s not even the given the chance to make her own decision on said cruel path, that’s just wasted set up.

(I know that during the Babel Tower party-fiasco Vincenzo told Chayoung that he originally wanted her to push the button that’ll kill one of the hunting dogs, but then decided against it upon seeing Chayoung’s wavering face, but like. Narratively, if she was the one to press it, and then we had some follow-up character arc about her coming to terms with her decision... Oh, we could’ve had it all.)

Another thing I want to point out is that Chayoung has been a foil to Vincenzo in that she represents the happiness, love, and innocence now unattainable to him. (This is just his view, by the way, since Chayoung isn’t exactly innocent herself, which he could’ve seen if the show had only taken this direction.) That is to say, Vinceno’s most interesting character moments are drawn out of him by Chayoung: In his apartment, when they are under the ceiling-stars, and she asks him whether he has ever killed anyone. On the rooftop, when they decide that Hanseok must lose everything before he dies, and he promises to her that he’ll stay in Korea to see things through to the end, in direct contrast to himself at the beginning of the show. In the highway pass, when she embraces him after a gunfight, the closest he’s ever grazed past death. When they drink makgeolli together and he tells her about what her father wanted to say to her. When they sit together by the riverside and she tells him that his mother would have been proud of him.

One of my favorite parts of episodes 11-12 during the gun fight is just how emotionally present Chayoung is, despite not wielding a gun herself, or even being anywhere near the action. I’m not sure if I’m getting this right, but I think this is the first time Vincenzo had killed people on screen, so to see Chayoung embrace him so tearfully afterwards almost felt like he was being reminded of his humanity. And this also shows that Chayoung, despite saying that she would feel distant towards Vincenzo if he did have blood on his hands, loves him closely, so closely it hurts.

We think about Vincenzo, what it means to be a consigliere, and his distorted flashbacks of flesh and blood and killing and losing himself, and that teddy bear, slowly panning out to a child, staring at him in fear. We think about how is it possible for him to love again? Can he even know what love is?

Then Chayoung appears, a woman whose very presence unraveled the mystery that is Vincenzo. But the moment that Chayoung’s development was stunted, that was the moment Vincenzo lost his foil, and we, the audience, lost the ability to see how his past, present, and future reconcile.

Themes: Loving in Sin

In episode 20, Vincenzo and the monks have a conversation about whether he was worthy of love or not before being told that he was Vaisravana — and though he could never be accepted by Buddha, he would be appreciated at times, and he would have his own role to play too. I like this conversation a lot in concept. In execution, it would’ve left much weightier an impact if only we had seen Vincenzo’s journey to reconcile his villainy and humanity play out more, if we had a glimpse into the moral conflict warring in his mind. The last time the drama showed that to us — not told it to us — was with the death of Vincenzo’s mother.

I would add more, really, but I feel like my review up until here says everything I want it to. In my opinion, there was no real epiphany that Vincenzo reached upon hearing those words from the monk because he hadn’t reflected on it enough for there to properly be one. And the ending to Vincenzo and Chayoung’s romance would’ve felt a lot better if it was Vincenzo choosing to love her despite his fear of himself, despite his belief that he could only hurt people. (Also that ending monologue wouldn’t have felt so tacked-on, like, oh wait this is supposed to have a theme right? Here, this is vaguely related, right?)

Because a lot of this emotional potential was not quite met, I think the finale also had to resort to some cheaper ways to make us feel for the romance, such as Chayoung rushing to see Vincenzo off and Vincenzo leaving the diplomacy-relations party early (he very poetically disappears while walking behind this sculpture, but I thought it was hilarious that if the shot didn’t get cut off there in another 2 seconds we could’ve seen him walking out of where that sculpture thing blocked him lol).

Overall though, I’m pretty happy with the romance’s ending, at least conceptually. The way they incorporated the story of cow herder and weaver girl and the bridge of pigeons (not magpies!) that will allow them to see each other again every year was so bittersweet, and as someone familiar with this myth, it made me very nostalgic. Also, I do think it works better with Vincenzo’s themes that he would be apart from Chayoung in some way. They each have their own lives to lead, but although they met by coincidence, they’ll remain by each other’s sides by intention. He is a villain, and so is she, but villains love tenaciously.