#English assignment turned into hyperfixation

[insertawittyusername]

BONE SOUVENIRS

tw: flesh, cannibalism, blood and gore, horror themes, detached body parts, mentions of abuse, word ‘midget’ used

{finally happy to share my writing 👾 }

He held the severed finger in his fist loosely, the fingernail peaking through the side, the bluish skin contrasting against the pink wrinkles of his scarred palm. The blood had ceased to drip onto the man’s hand, but now it was edged with a drying red thickness, almost like old pizza sauce. The rest of the detached hand was in his backpack, along with the Paris souvenirs and the eyes. The rest of the tourist was unnecessary, and was left peacefully in a shallow hole in the boulders, though the smell would eventually lure something. But that mattered little now. He had to get home.

In a familiar rhythm, the man continued down the rock maze. Ripples and bumps on the rocks spread scratches across his old jacket, taken from a kind Russian tourist’s shoulders, which were taken as well with the jacket, thanks to the overly complicated buttons and his need of a torso for his creations. Today he needed just a pointer finger, a left hand, and a set of green eyes. He would begin to look for some long brown hair tomorrow, and preferably some nice toes – but clean feet were always hard to come by in these mountains.

The mist began to thicken, and the dirt track was beginning to flood under his feet. He could taste the smell of rot and rain, smell the bitter coolness of the rock, hear the wail of the wind high above. A storm was brewing, which meant he should hurry home, but also very beneficial for it would wash away the blood and his footprints. But as he continued walking the dirt track, the rain suddenly began to crash down in great sheets, piercing the left side of his face with its fast torrent of raindrops. Quickly, he moved flush against the rocky walls, its slight upward lean sheltering him due to his dwarfism – a trait that only benefited him in his recent ‘social engagements’.

Directly in front of him, looming up through the thick mist, was the rails of an abandoned rollercoaster and he moved quickly towards it, eager to get back to his dwelling. Running his crooked hands down its sun-bleached structure, he felt the roughness and dimples of the bone-like material. His finger traced the well-known path to the rope concealed in the mist, and pulled at it, wheeling forward a wooden carriage that slotted against the old ride’s surface. Though he did it daily, the task of pushing the carriage onto the rails was always difficult. But with his hunched back bulging, he eventually slid its stiff wheels onto the creaking sides, and climbed into the belly of the carriage. He shoved at the back leaver, and was moving slowly up the first arch. The man’s thoughts travelled to his and Mother’s dinner, wondering what the snares had caught. Tourist hair worked surprisingly well for catching animals, and he had a lot to spare since none of the audience members needed it, but sometimes if he didn’t put enough hair, it would just break and nothing would catch.

He reached the end of the ride, and once again concealed the carriage in the growing mist. Mother had already turned the house lights on, for the tent was aglow with warmth. The man often found that living in a now abandoned amusement park had its advantages, despite it rebirthing awful memories of his time performing there. To him it was too degrading for a performance, and he was treated more like a pet. The Hunchback Midget of the Circus, come see it dance in its cage!

The backpack had begun to weigh him down as he trudged through the squelching mud towards the hair traps, and happily found two rabbits, a snake, three fish, and surprisingly, a two headed mouse, which he would probably stuff and keep it as a gift for Mother. But it was a feast.

Once back at the old Big Top, he pulled aside the heavy curtain door, dropped down his heavy backpack, and reached inside for the hand and eyes.

“Mother, I brought you some new eyes.” The man called out, strolling into the sandy middle. Mother sat in her chair, arms dangling limply backwards and her neck only half attached to her slumped head. With care he lifted her chin, and plucked out her old rotting pair of eyes. That was the only problem with her, and with the audience, they kept rotting, which forced him to keep getting them new body parts, and not just killing tourists and taking their souvenirs as prizes. But he would do anything for Mother, despite what she had done to him that made him end up as a circus pet. He had destroyed the bad Mother, and rebuilt her into what he wanted, and she seemed to love him more for it. He was proud of this feat, not many men could remake the women they loved from collected parts into whatever way he wanted.

“I’m sorry your eyes rotted again Mother. But I got you some nice Paris souvenirs to cheer you up.” He pushed her mostly new eyes into her skull, quickly stitched her neck to keep her head on through the night, and patted her drooping grey cheek affectionately.

The crooked man straightened to his best ability and looked around at his audience. He still needed some more heads and spikes for the second row it seemed, but he was too weary to go to the backroom and gather them. He was content with it not being a full house tonight.

Instead he prepared a fire, and once that was complete, he began to prepare the catch, but Mother seemed very uneasy.

“I understand that you feel apprehensive with fire since I accidently burnt half of you last time I cooked, but I’m more careful now, and besides, we can’t keep eating our audience members. Its bad hospitality.” Mother seemed to calm down at his words, and so he pulled out the severed finger he saved in his jacket pocket and began to chew absentmindedly as he continued to prepare the meat.

“Oh and before I forget, do you think I should put those new souvenirs in that far left corner, near the half built Ringmaster?” He inquired to Mother, smiling.

Mother smiled back at him, and nodded.

[wardenwyrd]

Writeblr Introduction

Dotted in secret stars and whispered moons lies The Warden O' Wyrd; too bright smiles and sharp eyes linger on her skin, miasma orbiting their visage. When dusk's hands sweep fluttering eyes closed her shackles, in turn, loosen.

Greetings and welcome all, I am Wardenwyrd - connoisseur of messy queers, the freaky & occult, and all things speculative fiction! I am freshly new to Writeblr and am keen to dig my claws so fellow denizens of Writeblr interact if you enjoy my vibes < 3

Open to ask and tag games !

◈What I write ◈

Anything and absolutely everything speculative, weird horror, all shapes and forms of queerness, and a metric ton of worldbuilding.

Genres: Fantasy (Low, high, dark, fairy tale-esque, etc), Sci-Fi, Paranormal, Romance, Horror, Mystery

Fantastical, often ethereal and treacherous worlds flavoured with flowery prose

Queer, neurodivergent, and disabled characters and themes. All kinds of diversity really. Always looking to broaden and grow my noggin' with wisdom

Gender queer characters. An UNBELIEVABLE amount of dyed hair and pronounces.

Body horror: elegant body horror; gross, grimy body horror; wonderfully queer body horror 'til I burst at the seams; all sorts. Twisting of the body into something other than human as a form of beauty my beloved < 3 < 3

Characters who desperately need therapy (That would be my fault)

Rich settings and worlds. Give me intricate magic systems !!! give me ecology that could be shown in a nature documentary !!!

🌔About Me 🌒

Goblin in my (late) teens. I've been writing for a whiiiile but started really getting into it about half a decade ago. I will ravenously consume all forms of creative media.

⭐Likes ⭐

Favourite colour: Purple my beloved Favourite band: Mili (I'm so normal about them) Favourite genre/s: Gothic lit, Fantasy, Horror romance, whimsical fairies Fav insect: Moths/Butterflies

Stats:

Creative writing college student

Panromantic Ace | Queering my gender to the max

English (Regrettably)

Autism kreachure

Revolving door of hyperfixations on science-y stuff

Purple hair (Not beating the stereotype allegations)

WIPs

[Note: I am very bad at deciding on WIP names]

Prisma

My surreal fantasy WIP comprised of a collection of different stories linked by a unifying setting.

Colour-Coded to the max. Each central story focuses on a character assigned a colour, differing in tone, POV, and focus. Main three are purple, blue, and red.

Literal becomes figurative, and figurative literal

Charms and incantations of old swirl in from afar, weaving our hands together with something much deeper than flesh – a curious sentiment oozing from the recesses of Damsel’s cloak as the feeling of moss and stone wove through my veins; cold and refreshing.

◉

‘What absurdity’, The Arbiter would think to himself. After all, those carmine red eyes of his delve into the primaeval madness: in their muddy depths lies the shivering madness - Fear. From fear is the knowledge wrenched from uncertainty and bloodshot eyes. Dread is the light; tugging on world-weary watchers. 

Sort of portal fantasy, sort of not. The stories in this WIP span across many eras and places, yet often find themselves connecting and mingling. Incredibly queer.

Main characters:

MC of Red, Jack Pronouns: He/Him Bnuuy ass trans Victorian boy. Pasty and WILL combust in the sun. Autism creature. He gets a himbo bf and sick asf t-surgery scars as a treat &lt; 3 Character Playlist

MC of Blue, Hel Pronouns: Any/All seemingly innocent girl but remove the innocent and girl part. Kind of an eldritch horror after a character arc but like, that's the good ending. So old surnames weren't a thing in the era they're from. Character Playlist

MC of Purple, Dorothea Pronouns: She/They Gatekeep, Gaslight, Girlboss. Autistic adhd precocious mess who WILL make it your problem. Genuinely manipulative but has great hair so it's fine. Character Playlist

Other notable mentions

[Note: I will elaborate on all of these later]

Witch WIP

My beloved blorbos < 3 Once I figure out how to frame and present it in a more refined way I like I shall be posting about this.

Personal & Cultural struggle within a fantasy context | Disability & Identity as a main theme | Aroace protagonist and Queerplatonic relationship | Magic inspired by folklore and myth | Found family

Low Fantasy setting in a somewhat alternate earth

Sprawling magic system

Conventional fantasy groups but with a spin: revamping those vibes

Witches aren't just funny flying women but genuinely inhuman creatures with spicy shit going on

Demons and angels but: demon is the colloquial term for a class of magical beasts characterised by dense essence, not like hell demons. Angels are living algorithms born from patterns and don't have an actual association to any gods.

MC Playlists:

Branwen | Ingram

Five Steps From Hell

Biblically Accurate Angelic-Flavoured paranormal apocalypse

Autistic MC

More horror oriented than action

Lots of vibes.

MC becoming something not very human, but they're more worried that they aren't worried too much about it

I've got some dastardly plans for this one. Vibes and atmosphere whilst the world falls apart and neurodivergence is a great combo.

[firealder2005]

Things that happened in the past that looking back might be because I am ADHD:

*I would read before class and COMPLETELY zone out. Ears blocked, unaware of time passing, the whole shabang. Missed the first 20 minutes of class a few times.

My English teacher (from the same class as above) straight-up told me that he didn't consider me one of the 'good students' because I read a lot (like. sir. what the fuck. so many things wrong in that statement. why are you teaching kids.)

(i wonder what he would say if i said 'you know when i would read before/in class and completely forget where i was? :) yeah turns out it's because i'm neurodivergent and have the kind where i literally can't turn off my brain and zone out/daydream without realizing it :)) you weren't being helpful when you lectured me all the time :))) )

*Hyperfixated like HELL on astronomy. ONLY astronomy. rest of science could die and i wouldn't have blinked an eye (nevermind astronomy wouldn't exist without other sciences but eh schematics). i was The NERD.

*I was considered The Weird Kid. for the typical stupid middle-school reasons;

Liked to read (gasp! how uncool! until it was suddenly 'cool' in high school)

Was nice to the one teacher everyone else hated for no reason (no wonder i was his favorite smh. the rest showed Zero respect. and he was a really nice and helpful teacher i literally have NO idea why they hated him)

Loner (wonder why that was. 😒)

Into science (how NERDY!)

Likes history (how even NERDIER!)

Actually Liked School when people aren't being shitasses (SUPREME NERD)

(sidenote: the nice teacher i mentioned was my favorite middle school teacher :3 i BEGGED him to give me one of the astronomy chapters for the end of the year assignment and he gave me THE BEST ONE - BLACK HOLES. NEUTRON STARS. GALAXIES. I WAS THRIVING. also he called out mean behavior. which...might be why the rest of the class hated him. mmm...)

*I can focus WHILE listening to music. but ONLY if it's music I chose. If not, I CANNOT DO ANYTHING. i am INCAPABLE of focus without my choice of music if music is playing. I baffled my teachers and parents when I did this.

*Not school related one- Caffeine seems to have little to no effect on me. I'm able to down a can of Coke or Pepsi at 11 PM and have a nice, restful sleep. My family was ALSO baffled by this lol Caffeine CAN wake me up (I've had a can in the morning a few times when we leave early for something or other and suddenly feel Awake) but it also doesn't keep me from falling asleep like I was told all my life (idk if that's an ADHD thing but from what i know caffeine affects the brain and ADHD affects the brain so i always assumed it could be connected to ADHD. don't quote me tho.)

*Needed/Needs brain stimulation to stay on-task. Work goes by SO AGONIZINGLY SLOW without my MP3 player. This is why I'm day-dreaming 24/7. There is ALWAYS something going on in my head. I have a ZILLION wips.

*also music helps my brain sort itself out when it's Full Of Stuff. decompresses and all that.

[nekole-doodles]

I made a poem thing for my English class and I actually really like it :D The assignment was to write a poem similar to the poem "Where I'm From" by George Ella Lyon but using our own life for it

I Am From Memories Just Out Of Reach

I am from colorful cartoons and innocent cluelessness

From rainbow popsicles and Sunny-D,

To Lola’s rice crispies and a roof I was too scared to touch

(My cousins trying to beckon me over like a lost animal, the hot summer sun beating down)

I am from tacky skirts and fluffy boots that turned to sweaters practically glued to my body

I am from nightmares like abstract paintings depicting death and peril

Nightmares I still have today, I could always tell when I was being dragged down into one

From a dreamcatcher I had to hang that has had a place in my room for years

I am from Hello Kitty and soft plushies

Stuffed animals that would stare back at me with void eyes, untouched but never forgotten

I am from sinigang and white pasta,

The nickname Kimchi that I adored but was barely used

I am from the feeling that I was always supposed to have wings and fly into the cotton candy clouds

To wanting to have superpowers from books I’ve read over and over again

I am from summer hikes and smiles that never looked quite right in family photos

I am from impulsive comments and embarrassment,

From gained anxiety to hesitation, never asking my parents for what I need

I am from old friends I long for who don’t long for me anymore

I am from a line of neutrality, being tugged this way and that

I am from memories that I wish to forget but anxiety never will

I am from stomach aches of unknown origin and never trusting my own memory

I am from interests that no one shares, interests that die in everyone except in me

I miss the line “It was never meant to be” and comfort characters who have never once felt comfort in their lives

I miss the great warrior who was an anarchist but wore a monarch’s outfit,

The child soldier who just wanted a family, a home, but everyone would always leave,

And a revolutionary, the brother who destroyed his “unfinished symphony” in his spiral of insanity

I look back at pictures displayed proudly but not by me,

Wanting to obscure my own strained smiles and too-wide eyes

I don’t like my past me but at least she had less worries

I have interests I want to speak about, ramble about all of the “what-ifs” and “could’ve beens”

But no one is a willing listener, no one could understand these thoughts of mine

My mother says I talk too fast, everyone does, but, to me, I don’t talk fast enough

Never enough time, never enough lines in this poem, why can’t there be more hours in the day?

Always have to be moving because of buzzing energy but I never want to do work

Sometimes I wish I had no interests at all so all I could do is focus on my work but…

I want to read to myself and try to copy the characters’ accents until my voice goes hoarse,

I want to sing my voice raw, write until my hands cramp, walk and watch the dying sunset

Maybe even be satisfied with my writing and my art to share to anyone and everyone,

Not just to a slim few or to people who will never know my face and I’ll never know theirs

I have all these ideas I want to share but can't put into words, amazing concepts I can't draw

Will there be anyone to listen, will anyone understand the words coming out of my mouth?

And yes, I felt like adding a few DSMP references was obligated! I needed an allusion so I added one about the hyperfixation that influenced me the most!

[fordp1nes]

2 years ago i was doing a newspaper cutout poetry assignment for english class and i was super happy with how mine turned out but a bit after i turned it in my teacher cornered me about some of the themes and asked what my experience with religion was. and i didnt have the heart to tell her i themed it like that because i was fuck deep in a binding of isaac hyperfixation

[ellaelsinore]

I'm currently watching Dickensian on my liveblog and I was not prepared in any way shape or form to be INVESTED in the world and the characters (I started watching cause Joe Quinn is pretty and apparently my ADHD hyperfixation). Even as an English major, I shied away from Dicken's cause it was boring and I had things I wanted to read more and it never got assigned. I don't want to be invested, I don't have time to read Dickens but what started as an Arthur-centric viewing has turned into an interest in Honoria and Ameila and their love lives and a seething hatred of Compeyson.

Just.. like... if anyone else has watched this, that would be cool.

[fatherronan]

uqhquwj im taking this stupid english creative writing assignment WAAY to serouisly all my classmates are already finished by 500 words but my dumb little hyperfixation and writing hobby turned it into a 3000 word story which has just crossed the half of the plot.

[juneberrie]

i actually did an awful job at replying to your post im so sorry (turns out im great at procrastinating simple tasks ahah)

orthodontist sounds awful, hope ur feeling better ml <3

& hru? <3 im pretty good, currently ive spent the day hyperfixating over the marauders & answering celly asks - 💜

tell me why i just saw this 💀

i am feeling better, ty bby <3 im meh, m currently doing an english assignment + talking to mars!! the marauders are so <33 i love them !!

[the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond]

Echo x Oc

Me??? Writting something?? NO WAY!

... Dunno I was just inspirited by my hyperfixation on The Clone Wars/ The Bad Batch and wanted to write something with Echo and Ishanti. It’s the first time that I have make content for them so please stay polite. (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

SO. I’m not an English language native but I’m doing the best I can. Any suggestions, tips, constructive critism are welcomed.

I get inspired by this prompt but I just get lost on showing just Echo internal conflict, simming the relationship of Echo&Ishanti, and some fluffy chaotic familly moment.

You can read my mumbling below the cut:

Ishanti is a human female, born in 45 BBY on Nar Shaddaa. Her mother was a barmaid and her father a bounty hunter, who died during her early childhood. She had to fast learning how to fight in order to survive. She later worked as mercenary. Eventually, the Clone Wars began, and she directly sign up for the Republic – a good way to flee her homeworld. She goes through a training to see her abilities, adapting to follow order and working with comrade. Then she had been added to the 501st legion, assigned on the same bunker bed than Teleri [another of my oc, ex guard of Coruscant] and Echo/Fives. The four of them getting close friends very fast. She started to develop feelings for the kind Echo, but didn’t act before the Citadel. When they got him rescued near the end of the war, she had been assigned with the Bad Batch experimentally.) It has been some month now since they used Cid’s cantina as ‘headquarter’.

The team had successfully returned from their last major mission, and the credits had flowed in. For the first time in who knows when, the team decided to take some time off. Since then, Echo had been using this time to refocus on himself, something he hadn't been able to do since coming out of stasis on Skako Minor. He stayed away from the others, trying to gather his thoughts.

 The clone stood as usual, leaning against a wall near a corner of the cantina. The background music, along with the soft light and the fact that it was almost deserted made the atmosphere acceptable to him. He was tense and had never liked crowded places. The quietness was very soothing to him.

So there he was, with a glass in his hand, sipping on his past and thinking about how much he hated his current condition... A nearby noise suddenly pulled him out of his thoughts. Ishanti placed a large plate on the table next to Echo, two glasses filled with dark liquid, and sat down on a stool. She held out her hand to invite him to join her. He must have looked incredulous, because the human was quick to explain:

"I'm sorry, I suspect that you need to be a little quiet, but it's been several days that you stay in your corner, it was necessary that I come to bother you a little!"

The man blinked, and his tension eased. Hunter had probably sent him to check on her. He knew his feelings for her, and that probably only she could break his current shell. He enjoyed the company of the young woman, it did not bother him... on the contrary. He felt a gentle warmth spread through his chest as she handed him some cutlery with a big smile.

"We cooked it with Tech." She replied. "I hope you enjoy it!" He nodded, raising an eyebrow at the name mentioned. Tech must have been very concerned if he had come to do this. Tech didn't like to participate in these "trivialities" and didn't have much of a talent for cooking. He made a mental note to thank his brother and reassure him later. His attention turned to the food, as the smell of it made his stomach growl, reminding the clone that he hadn't eaten in a while. He was hesitant at the first bite, but the flavor and his hunger overcame his manners and he gobbled up the dish faster than he would have liked.

Echo paused for a moment, noticing that this was the one he had preferred when Ishanti had made them a feast back in the days of the 501st. It had been many years ago. Had she remembered, or was it pure chance?

 His pain woke up when he thought of his former legion. Images flooded his mind. Happy memories, but now tinged with deep pain. The hours of rest he spent strategizing with Rex, while Ishanti, Teleri and Fives tried to give them suggestions and supported them with caff and encouraging words. The few evenings at 79', where he felt uncomfortable, but where his classmates helped him have a good time. That time when Fives had gently pushed him to go dancing with Ishanti... The friendly training sessions with the 212th members. That mission on a planet he couldn't remember the name of, but where they had tried to ride beasts to get back to the camp faster...of course, nothing had happened according to their plan - tamed nexu, how could they believe that? And the time when Fives, in order to impress a young senator, had fought against her guards, and crashed face down when the latter simply stepped aside as Fives charged...

 "Echo..." the mercenary called softly. She put her hand on his. The contact gave him the sensation of an electric shock and he came back to reality. He seemed confused for a moment, closed his eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath of air. He refocused and tried to put on a convincing smile.

"Echo, are you okay? Do you... do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head and coughed. His throat was dry, and he was looking for a way to dodge the question. He took another sip and, putting his glass back down, answered her in a huskier voice than usual.

"Don't worry. There's no problem." She frowned and before she had a chance to retort, shouts rose from across the room. First, they saw a small gizka speeding through the cantina, followed by a small herd of other creatures, then Omega trying to catch up. They heard a loud "BOOM!" and then saw the imposing figure of Wrecker, jumping as fast as he could, tied up with a red ribbon, and hunter tied behind his back, grunting and waving his legs in the air. And finally, Tech appeared after them, cages in his hands. He stopped for a moment, turned to them and asked for their help. They burst out laughing at the sight of Tech with pink ribbons in his hair, pastel makeup smeared all over his face. The modified clone pouted, set several cages on the ground and walked on with determination.

Ishanti and Echo looked at each other for a moment, giggling as they tried to regain their seriousness. The woman said

"I hope Tech recorded everything. It will make a memorable video!"

Sometime after this event was resolved, the group found themselves back at the Marauder. Tech was in care of the ship's maintenance, with Echo and Ishanti sitting beside him, ready to help with any issues. As usual, the trio in the cockpit chatted. Cheerful exclamations from the other side of the ship made them stop for a moment and check what was going on.  Wrecker was playing with Omega and some stuffed animals. Hunter was watching his siblings fondly while drinking coffee. They met his gaze and nodded at each other. Echo and the young woman exchanged a knowing smile.

He let out a small sigh of contentment, the gloom of the last few days having vanished, leaving a pleasant feeling of lightness and happiness. He glanced back at his brothers, who were busy enjoying themselves together - Hunter had joined Wrecker and Omega at his request. The ship was alive, and for once, peaceful. Echo enjoyed this moment of relaxation. He let his mind drift to happier memories than before. He glanced at Ishanti and noticed that she was watching him anxiously. He couldn't blame her, having locked himself away in near mutism for the past week. He looked for a way to reassure her. The man cleared his throat.

"We've really come a long way," the clone declared, his recent thoughts racing through his head.

"Yes." She nodded, following his gaze. "We've been through some... complicated times. But this?" she pointed to the others. "A family like this is worth it."

"To go through moments like earlier? Absolutely!" He chuckled. He thought for a few moments, then asked her gently, "Do you remember when we first met?"

"You mean when you bumped into your trunk when you realized you were going to share bunk beds with two women?"

He rolled his eyes. "I was really surprised!!!"

"Fives didn't stop teasing you for days. I must admit I was a little amused by the situation."

"Yes. Kriff, I expected anything when I joined the legion, but certainly not this."

"What, the sight of two sublime creatures of the opposite sex?"

He felt his face turn red. "Yes, no ... Eeeer I mean" he lost his words and looked away.

Tech suddenly stepped out from under the console, looking embarrassed, and in a half annoyed, half playful tone, breathed, "Can you two get a room please, some of us are working, and your nuptial parade is distracting me!" before returning to maintenance. Echo and Ishanti exchanged a look, before turning away, both redder than the ribbon that held Wrecker and Hunter. However, each had a small smile at the corner of their lips.

So yeah I have “finished” this at nearly 4 am so I will probably rewrite the second part another day. But! I’m glad to have write something, it have been so long! ✺◟(∗❛ัᴗ❛ั∗)◞✺

[stim-sies]

If your still doing hc's could you do some for davey with a history hyperfixation?

- Reads anything he can get his hands on, the older the better

- He loves reading really old storybooks, to get a glimpse into the culture and everyday life of the people, not just the major world events they talk about in school

- His family is very accustomed to David coming home from the library and immediately infodumping.

- "Sarah, just wait till you hear what I learned about the Iroquois nation." "Hello to you as well, David." "Yeah, that too, anyways-"

- For David, history is all about the culture. He has trouble keeping dates and most names straight, but he'll listen for hours while his elderly neighbor talks about what it was like living in Poland when she was a little girl.

- When he was younger, he'd recreate miniature models of whatever he was reading about. Castles, aqueducts, weaponry.

- Les always asks him about Medieval times, and David is absolutely thrilled to share everything he knows.

- Every English assignment turns into a history report. He has no idea how this happens, the essays just escape and do their own thing.

This song from Tarzan is basically David's general opinion on history. Those were people and they lived and he wants to know what it was like to be them.

[wings-of-candlewax]

Welcome to the Hyperfixation Station

I made this blog for an English assignment in my Creative Writing class. I do have an actual personal Tumblr but I’ll be putting most of my effort in this one for now. I do want to get a good grade after all. 

I’m hoping to write about a lot of my hyperfixations of here but I’m sure the main ones I’ll focus on are Spider-Man, Octogoblin, Sally Face, Scream, general Marvel stuff, and miscellaneous horror. 

My best friend is https://stattieboi.tumblr.com/ :) We’re actually in the same class together and decided to make blogs on Tumblr together. Ey’re blog is about our Minecraft world and all the progress we have and will make on it

I hope this turns out as well as I plan but if it doesn’t, who cares? It’s a school related blog ffs. Anyways, bye! Remember to eat, take your meds, stay hydrated, brush your teeth, shower, and get some rest! Self care is important! <3

[poisonedapples]

The sides except they go to a tech school

This is extremely self indulgent but I apologize for nothing

Roman’s Program: Digital Media

Roman’s big dream is to be an actor, but he also has a very intense need to know a whole bunch of stuff about the production field and be a jack of all trades, basically

He’s also autistic and has a huge special interest in movies, so he’s just on cloud nine

He had a really hard time making friends at his home school, which is also another reason why he most to go to the tech school instead. He wanted a second chance and to meet new people who loved the same stuff he could never seem to shut up about, but he’s also very nervous and just really wants to make some friends this year

He’s also extremely salty that Remus followed him to his new school. Remus was always the talk of the school and Roman was always in his shadow, so this time, his strategy is to pretend that Remus doesn’t even exist

Remus will not take this as an a solution, but Roman’s not giving up anyway

He also met Patton, Logan, and Virgil in his College English class. Their seats were assigned next to each other, but it was Patton that actually started getting all of them to talk to each other

Speaking of Patton, him and Patton went together like a moth to a flame. They hit it off day one and have acted like the best of friends since, and it makes Roman extremely happy

Roman and the others also became closer friends because of a Digital Media project Roman did about the different programs around the school. Since all his friends are from different programs, he interviewed them all, and it was the most fun project ever because of everything they did behind the scenes

They mostly just goofed off when not on camera. It was lovely

He refused to let Remus take part in that project though. RIP to Remus

Patton’s program: Cosmotology

Patton’s biggest dream is to mostly help people feel better about themselves. He wants to make people feel happy and learn a little more self love, because nothing makes Patton happier than seeing other people enjoying themselves

He’s also an extremely sociable person, so a need to help people like who they are mixed with lots of talking? Without getting a master’s in psychology? A perfect mix to become a hair stylist!

He loves all the different styles you can do and how different everyone’s hair can be from another person’s. The program also has you learn stuff about makeup, and he loves putting makeup on people as well. He practices on the girls in the program a lot, and they always get so excited when they see the finished product. It fills him with happy butterflies

He doesn’t tend to wear makeup on himself, though. Not because he thinks boys can’t wear makeup, he just hates the feeling of it on his skin. Hence why he will take any willing participant to be his canvas

His extroverted energy also shows a lot in his academic classes. The first day of English, he immediately turned around and started talking to the kid with a camera

It took him a little longer to get the boy sitting next to him to talk to him though. Apparently “We have the same glasses!” Isn’t an acceptable conversation starter

He did, however, get the kid named Virgil to agree to let Patton to put makeup on him. Patton started that conversation by asking about his eyeshadow, but nope, apparently those were just eyebags

Though Virgil still liked makeup anyway, so score, Patton still got what he wanted

Now if only he could get Logan to laugh out loud and cut the serious act. Then he’d be a winner for sure

Logan: Mechatronics

Logan’s a nerd. A huge nerd. Hence why he fits in with the mechatronics program so well

Logan has always loved robots and tinkering with technology. More than anything, he wants to work on space aircrafts as a mechanical engineer, hence why he’s in the mechatronics program

He also has ADHD and his biggest hyperfixations are in robots and space, so he’s completely in his element. It’s nice to spend most of his day in a class where he can talk about spacecrafts and how they worked, and not only will people listen, but they’ll also care about it almost as much as he does

Though, he’d prefer to keep his closet full of robotic kids toys he keeps breaking apart and fixing again to himself. At least for now

Though because he’s in mechatronics, he’s required to be in all advanced classes for his academics to get college credit. Which he doesn’t mind at all, but in his college English class, he definitely sits next to quite...the eclectic bunch

He acts like they inconvenience him, but he actually enjoys their company. Even if Roman can be a little loud, but him and Roman actually hit it off quite well with their debates and frequent conversation jumping

(It’s the ADHD-autism solidarity)

Logan also has quite the liking to Virgil, mostly because they’re both looking into the engineering business and have similar interests with space

Logan pretends like Patton annoys him, but he’s not very good at it. He hates that Patton knows he has a secret love for puns and keeps using it against him to try and make him laugh. How dare he

(Patton just keeps trying because he knows Logan likes it and he’s also a bit of a little shit)

Logan hopes that all three of them consider him one of their closest friends as well. Because actually, now he has more to look forward to in his English class than just the poetry and seeking for alternate meanings for things in text

Now, most of his entertainment comes from saying “Romeo and Juliet is an awful love story” and seeing Roman go off an a rant about how it’s not even a lOVE STORY it’s about THE GENERATION DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PARENTS AND KIDS and it’s STRUGGLES, CALCULATOR WATCH-

...It’s quite amusing

Virgil’s Program: Aviation

Anxiety is fight or flight. Well...Virgil literally just wants to take flight

His dad used to take Virgil out on vacations quite often when he was younger and his dad’s job was more focused on traveling, so Virgil has flown in planes a lot. He’s always been an anxious kid, always afraid of so many things, but for some reason...flying was one of the things to calm him the most

Except for going through security, fuck airport security

But still, there was never anything more satisfying than looking through the window on a plane. He’s always loved it, and he’s known since a very young age that he wants to learn to fly things, even if he decides not to become a pilot

He’s seventeen now and still wants to be a pilot, even if his shyness has turned into an anxiety disorder. It’s been a while since he’s been on a plane since his dad is now a psychologist, but he still loves it and misses it almost. So when he heard his district’s tech school had an aviation program, he signed up so fast

His teacher has to practically pry him away from messing with the drones and planes when they need to do other stuff, it’s kinda funny

It’s also great that he met Logan in his English class, because Logan loves engineering and aircrafts like Virgil does. One of Virgil’s backup plans is to be an aerospace engineer, so their conversations are always fun

He also has no idea how Patton figured out his secret love of makeup but now he’s being used as a canvas, apparently

Plus, Roman asked if Virgil could fly a drone for him to get an aerial shot for some digital media projects, so holy shit Virgil made three friends in one day when he’s been trying to make one friend for YEARS

He just bursts into his house like “DAD GUESS WHAT I MADE F R I E N D S”

His Dad is very proud but also very concerned

Virgil just ignores that though and sends memes to the new group chat with all four of them in it

Remus’ Program: Auto Collision Technology

Remus loves broken stuff. Especially big broken things, like cars

Of course, there’s no job for purposely wrecking stuff, but looking at damage in cars and how to repair it is exciting enough for him. His parents are just happy he found something to put more...positive energy into, instead of always causing trouble and getting popular for being “the bad boy”

He had lots of friends at his home school, lots of which he still talks to, mostly because his chaotic energy entertains a lot of people willing to deal with it. He has that same effect at the tech school, but the one person he’s never been able to get more on his side is his own brother

Remus has always been a bit too chaotic for Roman’s liking, and he knows that Roman wanted to go to the tech school for a fresh start. But Remus won’t stop himself just to make his brother happy, so it Roman’s salty about Remus doing something good for himself, then so be it

(Remus is a little salty about Roman being salty, but they’re brothers, what do you expect)

But Remus doesn’t need him anyway! Twin brothers are overrated! He’s got plenty of other people in his programs!

But his closest friend he’s gotten since coming to the tech school? Janus. Him and Janus go together like two chaotic peas in a pod, even if Janus has a whole lot more braincells than Remus ever will

Though, Remus has never had more fun with a friend than with Janus. He’s had lots of friends that come and go once they’re bored of him, but Janus feels real. He feels genuine, and Remus...really doesn’t wanna get rid of that

He likes Janus a lot, hence why he invites Janus over and lets Janus into his super secret eating spot he goes when he doesn’t wanna act like a crackhead at lunch. It’s actually quite nice

Roman just has to deal with the fact that, if he’s gonna be a salty bastard, then Janus is his new ride or die

(Please someone help these twins they’re saltier than the Dead Sea)

Janus’ Program: Firefighting Technology

When Janus was a young teen, he got trapped in a house fire that scarred the left half of his body. Firefighters were the ones that saved him, and since then, he’s always had a huge respect for them. Enough so to really want to become a firefighter

He’s always been very focused on self care and secretly very empathetic, so that mixed with past experience from being saved from such a dangerous event actually makes him a great candidate for a firefighter. He’s not one giant on talking, but he’s still good with teamwork when others want him to work with them

He has a good set of friends in his program, but his best friend was someone he met during lunch when trying to get away from the noise of the actual cafeteria. He also noticed that same kid was also in his anatomy class, so...destiny, I guess?

Remus can definitely be an eclectic person, but Janus secretly thrives on a good set of chaos. It makes life interesting, and Remus can definitely be described as interesting

He’s also the only person Janus has met that thinks Janus’ scars are cool as hell, so double win

It’s also immensely entertaining to join Remus on his quests to constantly annoy his brother. If he had a brother he’d probably do the same, honestly

Mostly, he’s just here for the chaotic ride. He gets to be a sarcastic bastard with a secret love for the dramatic flair and somehow make friends at the same time

He still needs to find a way to get under Patton’s skin, though. Patton never gets bothered by Janus, but that’s probably because Patton has known Janus as his neighbor for literal years

Damn him. Janus will get him some time

Though for right now, Remus gets most of the wins of weirding out Patton. That is, until Roman shrieks and chases them both off

Yup. Janus chose a good best friend. Even if he’s a chaotic, salty bastard

[ace-in-a-shopping-cart]

Toxic Thoughts

Summary: Logan is ADHD. Songfic of Toxic Thoughts by Faith Marie. This is kind of a vent fic. If you don’t understand anything, feel free to ask!

Word Count: 1,607

Taglist: (Send an ask to be added or removed!) @starlocked01​​​ @spoopy-turtle​​​ @lizluvscupcakes​​ @more-fandon-than-friends​

Logan crumpled the paper with only a few lines on it, tossing it behind him and letting it fall among the others. He didn’t turn back to pick it up, no matter how bothersome it was going to be later. He didn’t even look at it, just started on the next page. He didn’t notice the room growing dark around him, the only light coming from the hash yellow of his desk lamp. 

He stared at the next page, his brain filling with thoughts of failure but unwilling to stop. He felt trapped in an endless cycle of failure but had no way of getting out. He put his pen to paper, knowing what he wanted but not knowing how to get it to come out in a manner that others could understand. So, he tried. He tried again and again and again, he tried to get his words down on the page in a meaningful way.

A knock at the door sounded but Logan didn’t hear it. He didn’t notice anything except the music blasting through his headphones and the words on the pages, the words scattered on the floor. A hand touched his shoulder and he jumped, slipping the headphones down and letting the music fill the room. Piano and violin, cello and oboe, Bach’s carefully planned sheets coming to life within the confines of modern technology now being set free.

Looking up, he was met with a dark room and a father standing by his side, looking over his work as he waited for a response from his son. “Dad? Did you need something?”

Virgil looked at him, a soft smile sitting on his face. “Just the evening reminder to eat, college student.”

A sinking feeling hit Logan’s stomach. It was more than just the realization that he was hungry, it was the feeling that always came when he was reminded what stage of life he was in. It was the feeling that came when he was reminded of the standards he set for himself that he was failing to meet, the understanding that he was at least three years behind his peers in both social and academic standards, no matter that he was already working through his general education prerequisites at sixteen, no matter that he was still in high school but was already starting on college. He knew he was behind, it was his driving force for most of his academic career as soon as he learned that fact. He wished he was told more about himself at a younger age, told that it was okay to not want friends, to know he was behind in social skills. He knew it wasn’t his father’s fault, after all, how could the most recent foster (adopted now) parent tell him anything during his childhood.

“Logan?” Virgil’s voice dragged him out of his thought process, reminded him of the hole in his stomach that needed to be filled with food.

Logan looked up at Virgil, putting his pen down. “Yeah, food sounds good.”

Virgil nodded. “Okay. You want anything in particular?”

Logan did. He really wanted mac-n-cheese. He also really wanted not to be a burden so just shook his head. He knew it was irrational and illogical to not tell Virgil his wants. He knew it was no use as Virgil wouldn’t see him as a burden and would love to make him food. He also knew that bad habits die hard.

Virgil nodded, his smile growing. “How about grilled cheese? Is that okay?”

Logan nodded. Grilled cheese was his other comfort food. “That’s fine.”

Virgil frowned. “Are you sure?”

Logan felt frustration bubble up inside of him like tar, something he could easily get stuck in if he wasn’t careful. He took a subtle deep breath. “Yeah, it’s great.”

Virgil nodded. “Okay. Do you want to come down while I make it or do you want me to get you when it’s done?”

Logan thought about it. He knew he would get dragged back into his hyperfixation if he was allowed to stay here. He also knew that he might lose the train of thought if he were to stop. Finally, he shrugged and stood. He couldn’t find the words anyways so why worry about losing the train of thought that never left the station. He followed Virgil back downstairs and watched as he grabbed the things he needed to make food.

“So,” Virgil attempted to make small talk, “what were you working on?”

“I need to write a poem for my english lit. class.”

Virgil nodded. “Butter or olive oil?”

“Butter. I just can’t think of any words. It’s like there’s too few parameters and too many at once.”

Virgil hummed in thought. “First thing’s first. What are the parameters?”

“It needs to be in iambic pentameter. Other than that, there’s nothing! No set subject, no set length, nothing!” He moved around the island, grabbing a glass and the juice. 

Virgil looked over at him. “Would you get me a glass of that too, please?”

Logan nodded and grabbed another. “I just don’t understand why professors will assign something with so little instructions. Am I supposed to have figured out how to be self sufficient after the rest of the school system drained it out of me?”

Virgil snorted. “That’s a bit drastic, even for me, Lo.” He turned, grabbing another few slices of bread while briefly looking at his child. “It could also just be that most neurotypical people understand how to follow the bare minimum of instructions. Do you need me to pick a subject or length?”

Logan shook his head. “No, I’ll need to do it eventually and I might as well learn now.”

Virgil sighed, turning the stove off and coming to rest a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “Look, when I adopted you, I knew things like this were going to happen. I knew what I was getting into even before I decided to foster you. Your thoughts and feelings are valid. It might take you a bit longer than your peers to understand yourself and that’s fine. Life isn’t a race and you are in no way a failure for taking things at your own pace.”

Logan’s shoulders shook, tears rolling down his face as he tried to screw the cap back onto the juice bottle. Virgil gently took his hands and turned his son to face him, giving him a hug. He ran his hands up and down Logan’s back in a soothing manner. “Yes, you deserve to take life at your own pace. But you also deserve to be alright, to sleep at night. You shouldn’t have to wonder why you are different and I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet you sooner. I’m sorry you had to go through life thinking you weren’t good enough. You are allowed to feel the emotions you do.”

Logan clung to him, tears wetting Virgil’s shirt but neither cared. Virgil hugged him tightly but not enough that he got sensory overload. Logan held on as if he were falling and Virgil was his lifeline. When he finally calmed down, neither pulled away. Virgil still hugged him, not caring about the cold food. Logan basked in the feeling of being loved and safe.

When they did pull away, Virgil allowed Logan to do it first. He pulled his hoodie off and threw it over Logan’s shoulders, dwarfing the skinny teen in the bulky fabric. “I’m gonna finish making dinner. How about you pick out a movie and we can watch it. Your homework can wait.”

Logan nodded, moving from the counter to the living room and kneeling by the movie rack. “How about The Sound of Music?” He called.

“Sounds good to me.” Virgil called back.

Logan smiled, walking back in and hopping onto the counter. Virgil looked over at him and smirked. “That kind of day, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I think your new puzzle box came in the mail while you were at school.” Virgil nodded toward the table with a package sitting on it. “Maybe you can try to solve it while we watch the movie.”

Logan smiled. “You know, most parents wouldn’t be this chill with things like this.”

“Like what?”

“Homework being put off for no reason-”

“You are mentally exhausted and are heading toward burnout. You need other activities to recharge your batteries.”

“Other parents also wouldn’t deliberately suggest something else for their child to do when spending time together. Most would complain about the child not paying attention.”

Virgil smiled as he plated. “Yeah, well, I’m not the typical parent and you’re not the typical child. I adjust to your needs, you shouldn’t have to adjust to my whims.”

Logan’s eyes misted over and he slid off the counter to grab his plate and the package, stuffing it under his arm to grab his drink and carry everything into the living room for a family night. He grabbed a pad of paper and a pen scribbling the idea that just came to him onto the paper so he doesn’t forget.

Virgil walked into the room and sighed. “I thought I said homework could wait.”

Logan shrugged. “Inspiration comes when it comes.”

Virgil nodded. “Fair.” He set his things down and put the movie in as Logan put his thoughts down on paper. 

The rest of the evening was calm, eventually both ending up in the same corner of the couch as they bonded. It made Logan realize that maybe perfection might be unattainable but it’s something to strive for, even if the ultimate goal is to see the proud smile cross Virgil’s face again. 

[adhdtoomanycommas]

ADHD, Gifted Programs, and Accidental Accommodations

So one big thing has been on my mind pretty consistently since I got diagnosed last year at the age of 30—why did it take so long to figure this out?  At no point in my K-12 education or my 4 year bachelor’s degree schooling did any teacher or counselor question or suggest I may have ADHD, despite the fact that I check nearly every single box on every diagnostic criteria (both inattentive and hyperactive!)

One obvious reason is sexism.  Pretty early in my reading on the subject, I learned that ADHD is dramatically under-diagnosed in girls and women. Partly this is because of different presentations, but a lot of it is just that the stereotype people have in their heads of what an ADHD kid looks like is always a boy.  

But the other big reason, and the one I want to talk about today, is the fact that one of the few ADHD diagnostic boxes that I didn’t check was “bad grades.”  So really, the question is, why weren’t my grades bad?

That’s not to say I was especially good at school work. My backpacks, desks, and binders were always a complete mess, and I NEVER did the homework.  I would do the big projects (at the last possible second, of course) but daily homework just straight up didn’t happen.   If there was time left at the end of class I would sometimes quickly do the homework for the next day, and occasionally jot down some approximation of it in the minute or two before class started, but when I was actually at home, I never touched it.

But here’s the thing with ADHD brains:  We can focus on things with no problem, as long as we find them interesting.  And I’ve always read quickly enough that doing the reading for class was usually interesting. And for the most part, the class content itself usually seemed interesting enough.    But probably most importantly, I consider tests interesting. There’s always been enough of a challenge racing-the-clock game-like aspect to them to me that I would stay engaged on the tests, and even if didn’t completely know the material, I was good at using logic to get a pretty good guess (like using all those tricks they teach for standardized tests—narrowing down the options on a multiple choice question, looking for answers in the other questions, etc.)

So even in the classes where turning in the daily homework counted for part of the grade (math and language classes mostly) I was usually able to scrape a B with only the occasional C thrown in,  and everything else was A’s.  

But part of my saving grace was the “gifted” classes.  I was very lucky that, despite not knowing about her own (probable) ADHD,  my mom knew enough about how she worked as a student to know that me (and my brother) really needed to be engaged and challenged in order to thrive.  Because of this, she advocated for us hard—she insisted we be allowed in my elementary school’s “gifted” program in kindergarten (based on our test scores of course)  even though the “gifted” program officially wasn’t even available until first grade.  And when we moved to a different state, she advocated for us again and got us included even though the “gifted” class was “full.”   She knew that nothing would make us fail faster than being bored in class, so she made sure that there was at least one day a week when we would be challenged and actually get to engage with material we found interesting.  

Aside,  despite how essential they were for me to thrive in school,  the entire concept of “gifted” programs and “gifted” kids is problematic as hell.  Half of the screening is basically just looking for class signifiers and seeing whose parents had enough free time to give them a head start (or whose parents have the time to advocate for their kids the way my mom did for me).  Not to mention there’s likely a massive racial bias. So in all this discussion of why I did ok despite my ADHD, it’s important to note that there’s a lot of privilege at play here determining who gets access to these types of programs.  

This is also why I keep putting “gifted” in quotes--  I don’t think there is anything inherent about academic ability. Also, academic ability, reading ability, testing aptitude, etc. are definitely not indicative of intelligence. Plus the entire concept of the measurability of intelligence is based on eugenics ideas, so clearly one should take the whole thing with a huge grain of salt.

Nowadays the term all the parenting blogs like to use for kids like me, with ADHD (or dyslexia, or autism, or whatever else) who also test well enough to be flagged as “gifted,”  is “Twice Exceptional”  which is a term that makes me immediately want to punch whoever uses it. Seriously,  it makes me gag.  Like, it doubles down on the “special” euphemism and seems entirely designed to make parents feel better about their kid without any consideration to how the kid feels.  No kid wants to be singled out, especially one who’s already probably pretty socially isolated (which I could digress about but that’ll be another essay for another day), and being Twice singled out certainly doesn’t help anything.  

But ultimately the teaching in the “gifted” class itself wound up being really good accommodations for ADHD. I wouldn’t have been a bit surprised if they were better than the accommodations in the separate classes actually intended for kids with ADHD and other learning issues, though since I wasn’t diagnosed as I kid I can’t actually speak to that as I don’t have any experience there.  But in the gifted classes, firstly, we were given more specific subjects as opposed to the overviews we got in regular classes.  And it’s way easier to be engaged on specific subjects like ice age mammals, or the wreck of the Titanic, than it is to be engaged with a broad list of dates or categories.  We did logic problems that were presented as games, but that were indirectly teaching us the basics for higher level math. In 6th grade, we did research projects and got to pick our own subjects completely, so we could write about whatever we were hyperfixating on at the moment (mine was on medieval warfare as depicted in the Bayeux tapestry).   And if we happened to get excited and blurt out an interesting fact vaguely related to whatever was being discussed, that was likely encouraged instead of reprimanded like it would be in the normal classroom. This continued into high school, as honors and AP level classes tended to be a lot more discussion based rather than the top-down approach at other levels, as well as affording more opportunity to choose one’s own subjects.

The story you’ll hear from (or about) a lot of ADHD kids (especially undiagnosed) flagged as “gifted” is of hitting a wall at some point, academically speaking.  That did happen to me briefly, in middle school. We started being assigned a lot more long-term projects, and there was a bit of a learning curve while I figured out how to put things off Until the last minute and not Past the last minute.  But thanks to some patient teachers who believed in me (which I might not have had outside of honors classes), I managed to pull out of it and improve my grades (with the exception of the only report-card F of my entire academic career, from a sadistic gym teacher who seemed to think that enough berating would cure asthma).

Even more stories I’ve read and heard from people who were diagnosed with ADHD as an adult say they hit that wall academically when they started college—the first time they were really self-guided in their studies.  But again, there, I was saved by an honors program.  In this case,  it was the Honors Tutorial College,  a truly strange program at Ohio University.  I was tracked into HTC by one particular professor who very much wanted HTC to expand into the art program and decided that because I had both strong test scores and a strong art portfolio (and probably, lets be real, because I was the daughter of one of the other professors) that I was the perfect person to be the first student in the new program.

OU’s website describes HTC as “flexible curriculum and one-on-one tutorials with renowned faculty that allow your curiosity to take the lead in your education.” It’s rigorous, but comes with a lot of perks, like waiving certain gen-ed classes,  being able to take classes without first taking the required prerequisites,  and designing one’s own independent study classes individually with instructors.  And those perks are (as far as I know entirely accidentally) the perfect accommodations for an ADHD student (and probably pretty good for Autistic ones as well, based on some of my peers in the program).

A lot of the gen-ed classes I waived were ones I probably would have been bored in and thusly not done well.  Being able to skip pre-reqs meant that, for instance, for my English requirements I was able to take far more interesting classes like Shakespeare’s Comedies,  YA Lit,  and Playwriting instead of English 101, 102 etc.  If I wanted to learn about something in particular, I had help finding a professor willing to help me in an independent study/tutorial class.  Being the pilot of the program meant I was able to shape it so that I could get an art degree without ever having to choose one medium (which as far as I know is still an option for anyone pursuing an HTC Studio Art degree).  And at the end of the program, when we were required to complete a massive thesis project and paper (at basically graduate level), not only could I choose my subject to meet my hyperfixations, but I had individual help from a professor keeping me on task on the less-fun parts at every step of the way.  

HTC students are required to keep their GPAs above a high threshold. At one point one of my grades (in Latin class) was low enough to hurt my average, and I was called into HTC headquarters for a check-in meeting.  I was asked why my grade had fallen, and I explained that the class wasn’t that interesting (at that level it was mostly grammar) but that it was getting better as we were moving up into translating more actual historical material. That explanation was entirely accepted.  Imagine if “it’s not interesting enough” was considered a valid excuse for grades slipping for everyone, how much less stressful school would be for ADHD kids!

So ultimately it’s pretty much been having the luck and privilege to get myself flagged for “gifted” classes that kept my grades up throughout my school years.  Accidental accommodations have continued into my adult life as well. At my most recent office job, for instance (which I lost due to covid layoffs), I had a pretty hands-off boss who just didn’t care if I doodled, got up to stretch my legs every once in a while, and listened to audiobooks at my desk all day as long as the work got done.  

I didn’t need a diagnosis to get these accommodations, because they were given freely, which meant I was able to succeed even without knowing about my own ADHD.  If I had been diagnosed, and had had to ask for accommodations, I wonder if I would have done as well as bias against people with ADHD means people wouldn’t have expected as much from me.  

So if you’ve made it this far, I’ll ask for the same for others that I got for myself.  If you are a teacher (or a manager in an office setting),  I strongly encourage you to consider how to make your classroom, office, etc. more accessible in general, without someone having to disclose a diagnosis or be singled out for accommodations.  The biggest easiest one you can do is to allow (or even encourage) doodling in lecture settings. Even for neurotypicals,  there have been plenty of studies proving people retain information better when doodling, so everyone should know by now that someone doodling doesn’t mean they’re not listening.   If at all possible, encourage discussion and contribution.  Give everyone breaks to stretch and move around.  And give as much freedom as possible on what to learn about.  You might be surprised what people are capable of when these reasonable steps are taken to give everyone room to thrive.  

That’s all for now,  hopefully you got something out of this unwieldy ramble.   I’d be curious to hear if you’ve run into any accidental accommodations in your life and how they’ve helped.  Until next time!

[matildaisautisticandproud]

April 13th - 30 Days of Autism Acceptance

April 13: What kind of things do you have trouble with as an autistic person? Why do you think you have trouble with it? What helps?

I mainly struggle with stimuli, social communication, coping with change, understanding emotions and people, executive dysfunction, inattentiveness, and auditory processing.

Often times, especially so when noise is involved, I get overwhelmed and go into what’s known as sensory overload. If I do not want to burden the people around me, I just grin and bear it no matter how much I want to break down in tears and run out of the room. My anxiety trumps the urge. I know that a common characteristic of autism is sensory difficulties so, that’s probably why I experience this. So far, I’ve found stimming to be a good soother, but I haven’t really found any good ways to cope. Listening to music doesn’t help at all when it comes to auditory stimulus; if anything, it makes things worse because it’s added noise.

My previous post talked about my struggles with social communication.

When changes occur, I often times freak out, even if it’s my fault for the change (i.e. I choose to wake up a little later). Also, I don’t understand why things have to change, even if someone has explained it to me multiple times. I haven’t really found a good coping mechanism for this yet. I just have to cry the stress out, I guess?

Okay, this is a major issue that I have many examples of. One thing that happened recently was when I was out with my family and my aunt started crying. Let’s just say, I’m glad neither she nor her daughter were around to hear what I said. Since I couldn’t understand why she was bawling even after my father tried explaining it me, I got defensive. I internalize all my emotions until I just can’t so, I further don’t understand why people can’t just suck it up. I know that sounds terrible, but it’s just my thought process. When my mother found out that I had found it ridiculous that she was making such a scene, she flipped, but my father didn’t; he was actually sympathizing with me because I was what he called “just socially awkward”. Additionally, when friends cry I try my best to ignore it or pretend I didn’t notice. I don’t know how to deal with it so, I get really anxious, and since I am really sensitive to others’ emotions, I get overwhelmed. It’s bad, I know, but I do eventually decide to help the best I can. Which I’m certainly no good at consoling people.

Still on the same subject, I struggle to understand differences when it comes to people. I don’t know why people can’t do things my way. This is especially so when it comes to idiots like those who decide to refuse to abide by the social distancing guidelines. I just can’t fully grasp the fact that people are different. That’s sounds terrible, but I don’t act rude because of it.

Now, I have both ADHD-C and ASD Level 1 so, that’s probably why I struggle so much with not being able to manage my time and do things on my own. It’s physically painful to force myself to do things sometimes, even basic things like taking care of myself. Plus, since I am what’s known as time blind, I don’t get much done and often times am scrambling to finish class assignments and other stuff. I get a lot of things done last minute and am a major procrastinator. As of now, I have had to make myself a schedule to make sure I do all my coursework.

With ADHD-C, most struggle with paying attention. Now, I can force myself to pay attention sometimes, but lots of times I find myself getting distracted by literally everything. A quick search on how to spell a certain word could end up with me spending four hours scrolling through Pinterest. Also, a run to grab something from my room can turn into hours of me switching from task to task. I’ve even gotten distracted while I was just in the bathroom, and once spent a hour in there having my attention stolen by own thoughts and the things in the room. On the other hand, I can spend hours focusing on one thing and not get distracted what so ever. This is called hyperfocusing/hyperfixation. I don’t really have much of a method to combat this yet.

Along side ADHD-C and ASD, I have been diagnosed with what is known as (Central) Auditory Processing Disorder or (C)APD. The “C” is in parenthesis because I’ve seen it called CAPD and just APD. Basically, it means that I struggle to understand what people are saying when other noise is present. This is very evident when I listen to songs; half the time I don’t know what the singers are actually saying, even if the backing track is on the quieter side. It just sounds like gibberish. Another specific thing I struggle with is understanding what people are saying while chanting in movies and such. It just sounds like shouted garbled gibberish. I know that they’re speaking English, but my brain just can’t seem to pick out what exactly they’re saying. This difficulty not only pertains to medias; it’s also hard for me to understand people when they’re just speaking to me face-to-face. To cope with this, I heavily rely on closed captioning and asking people to repeat themselves. Sometimes I give up on asking people to repeat what they’ve said and just read their expression to figure out how I should respond.

Welp, I think I’ll end this here. Happy Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month! :)

[viostormcaller]

Ego Headcanons: Dr. Henrik von Schneeplestein

I said I would do Schneep next, so here we go! (This one is probably gonna be a long ass post too, so be warned!):

Henrik is originally from Germany. He speaks English pretty well since he's taken classes in school. German is his mother tongue, however, so sometimes when he's tired, drunk, panicking, or upset he'll switch back to German a lot of times without realizing he's done so

Henrik is a very successful doctor, earning some of the highest marks in college. He has a degree and he used to have his license, but it was revoked after his accountant, Peter, died under his care.

He had a wife and two kids, just like Chase, and also went through a nasty divorce. His wife only wanted him for money (which, being successful, meant he made a lot of it), and while they were together she was cheating on Henrik with a tennis instructor. There was a huge fight between them once he found out. The kids sided with Henrik, but sadly the mother prevented them from going with him when Henrik left. She also barred all contact between them and him, though the kids send him cards in secret with the help of a family friend. Other than that, he has no contact with them

Henrik moved to Brighton and began classes to regain his license. He earned it back, and started working at a nearby hospital. He was just as successful and rose through the ranks quickly.

Schneep worked long hours through the day and grieved the loss of his family at night, usually drinking alone at the kitchen table and crying. When he got sick of this, he began to work double shifts at the hospital almost every day until he broke down and had to go on leave

When he got back to work, he changed his schedule so that some days he worked the day shift, and some he worked the night shift. On one fateful night, he had been assigned to perform an emergency surgery on the town's local superhero, Jackieboy Man. Marvin the Magnificent had been the one to get him to the hospital. They were both pretty banged up, but Henrik was able to fix them both up. He felt a connection between the two of them, and the three of them bonded well and kept in contact after they recovered. He made sure that he worked more night shifts so he could be the one to treat them when they had injuries. Before long, he was the only doctor they would go to

Once Henrik made enough, he bought a big house and offered Jackie and Marvin to move in. The pair had already been sharing an apartment (and it was small so they didn't have a lot of stuff), so the moving process had been fairly easy.

On Halloween of 2016, Schneep was called in for an emergency surgery: a man's throat had been slit open and they needed someone to save him. Somehow, Schneep felt he already knew the man he was saving, despite never having met him before. His name was Jack, and he was in grave danger.

In the process of saving Jack's life, he had brief contact with Antisepticeye. Schneep was able to fend him off, considering having a doctor arrive on scene wasn't a part of the demon's plans.

In the process of the surgery, Schneep was somehow able to save Jack's life, even though the wound on any other person would most definitely have been fatal. He had stitches and wasn't able to talk for a while, but eventually ended up okay. Once he was able to talk again, Jack told Schneep that he already knew who he was, somehow. He realized they had a connection. Schneep mentioned Jackieboy Man and Marvin the Magnificent, and Jack said they both sounded familiar, too. Once they looked into it, making the connection between Anti and them, it clicked. They were all Egos, tethered to Jack, and despite living separate lives they would all find their way to him and to each other.

Jack eventually moved into Schneep's house, and continued recording videos for his channel there. Schneep was able to keep an eye on Jack's condition this way, in case Anti came back to possess him again. This happened once more before meeting Chase

Once again, Schneep was able to miraculously save Chase's life from a wound that would have otherwise been fatal. Marvin encouraged Schneep to look into this, suggesting he may be some sort of necromancer. He said that once Chase was recovered and back on his feet and stable, he would look into it. He never had the chance to.

Chase, Jack, and Schneep all grew close, especially while Chase was in recovery at the hospital. Schneep, Marvin, and Jackie were also close, due to their time living together in the same house, just the three of them. Jackie's life had been saved many times by Schneep, and they shared a strong bond. Marvin and Schneep shared a love for knowledge, and often spent days swapping notes and findings and research. As it turns out, magic and medical information tend to overlap.

Schneep was at the hospital the day Jack feel ill. He got a call from Jack saying he needed to come home immediately. Schneep immediately rushed home to help him. There's a lab space in the house that Schneep took Jack into, closing off the room for treatment. Schneep saved Jack within inches of his life, fighting through corruption and an forced suicide attempt. Schneep fought bravely for control despite it. Right as Jack slipped into a coma, Henrik was kidnapped by Anti himself, who left a message for Jack's community. Footage of the situation was recorded and put on Jack's channel.

Henrik was tortured by Anti nonstop for nine months. About a month or so before his return, an image of a bloodied, slightly glitchy postcard was posted to Jack's blog, updated with more blood over time before it was eventually deleted. The others saved this as evidence for Jackie to use as he searched relentlessly for Henrik's location.

On May 3rd, exactly nine months after he was taken, Henrik was found and returned. He was shaken, barely alive and traumatized. It took him a long time to get back on his feet fully. When he was finally able to get back to work, however, he found an impostor had been taking his place all along, someone who looked just like him and stole Jack's screen name. To this day he swears it was Anti himself.

Schneep suffers from panic attacks, flashbacks, night terrors, and hallucinations after he had been kidnapped, corrupted, and tortured. It also took a long time for him to allow anyone to touch him, and an even longer time to believe he had ever left Anti's hold and wasn't just a part of another illusion. He's more stable nowadays, but not by much.

Schneep spends most days at home now, watching over Jack. He fills out paperwork from the hospital often and his shifts are shorter than he used to be, but that's only because his primary patient is at home.

Schneep is an insomniac. He'll stay up for days at a time unable to sleep, and when he does sleep he usually has night terrors. He usually works until he crashes, relying on coffee to keep him awake

He drinks his coffee black, and won't have it any other way

Henrik is able to hyperfixate on his work. Once he's in the zone, it's difficult to break himself out of it. He gets a lot done, but often forgets to eat or sleep because of it. The others often have to remind him

Chase and Schneep bond over the losses they've had, but also because of Chase's naturally childish nature and Schneep's naturally parental one. They often spend quiet mornings in Chase's room, where Schneep will sit on Chase's bed and sip coffee while Chase plays with the many toys he owns. It's their little secret and they prefer to keep it that way

Schneep is Pansexual, and he's dated a lot of people in the past (and is actually known to be a huge flirt). However, he fell out of the dating scene after the divorce, his life growing way too hectic for a relationship. His main priority is getting Jack to wake up.

Schneep loves kids just as much as Chase does. He's a great father, and he adores having Samantha and Grayson over on the weekends. He's very good to them both

Schneep has a natural affinity for ice skating. He doesn't know how or why, but he's naturally good at it for whatever reason. He's gotten into a competition with Marvin more than once. Whenever they go they keep a score count. Right now they're tied and have yet to break it.

Schneep loves music. He envies Jameson's ability to play, and they both bond over the piano.

Vice versa, Schneep is extremely talented at art, wanting to become an artist when he was younger. Jameson, as a lover of animation and art styles, envies Schneep's ability to draw and will sometimes sit and watch him draw or paint

One of Schneep's favorite places to go is the beach. He loved the trips he used to take in the summer as a child, and when the Egos all get together to go on a trip to the beach, it's like he's a kid again. The others have never seen him so happy

Schneep is the only Ego who wears his glasses on a day-to-day basis. He has to, because he needs them to work, but he doesn't understand why the others don't wear glasses (besides Jameson, who gets a slight pass because he owns a monacle)

Schneep is most definitely the Mom Friend(TM). He's always making sure the others are taking care of themselves and are feeling okay and that they eat and get proper rest, even though he has trouble doing it himself. He puts others first, but said others usually turn around and remind him (if not force him) to take care of himself, as well

I think that's everything about Schneep that I can think of! Again, this one was very long because we have a lot of info on Schneep. I think I got everything covered here that I could think of, though. I hope I did, anyway!