#Go to hell illuminati

[laomelettedufromage]

Sometimes I think I’m too online and then I listen to my swiftie family members talk

[amagicdoctor]

Ok so the Dr. Strange fans got some scraps in Immortal X-Men this week like yess Marvel knows he exists and is here to help ✌🏾😭✌🏾

[cypherscript]

Eldritch Ancient of Space idea

We all love our eldritch danny or our ancient of space danny but know what is more eldritch than the stretched limbs, unnatural toothy maw and covered in eyes? SPACE! Space is vast and we know so little.

NASA as everyone knows is nothing if not scientific but if anything everyone knows is that scientists can be supersticious as hell.

The Justice League have been notified by The Question who has been noticing a strange trend; google statiatics have shown an increase in searches regarding summoning and binding spells(Flash: "i didnt even know you could google that.") NASA has announced a new project that has flung the country's space faring travel decades ahead of the rest of the world's. "This as to be a conspiracy! Batman you must stop them the illuminati can't get into space!"

With some proper research from the Justice League and Justice League Dark they found that the question is correct and something is going on at NASA.

Imagine their surprise when they kicked down the doors to a lab at NASA, summoning circle on the floor in the corner and SOMETHING floating next to a whiteboard with scientists stood around with clipbards and pens.

It was rather large and ominous, where it floated a torus of reality was removed from their vision like looking into a blackhole, inside the torus floated a single icy crystal with a crown binding its middle that felt like it was watching you while not watching you. Tentacles of gases akin to nebulas in multitudes of colors floating around the black hole ring, unaffected by its gravity, held dry eraser markers aloft and was writing out a design of somekind.

One of the scientists asked a question to which the thing groaned a bone rumbling sound mixed with the tinkling of crysals dropping as light mainfested around it, the scientist nods and scribbles something down hastily before finally noticing the the justice league standing at their door.

"WE CAN EXPLAIN!"

Apparently the being was a fan of NASA's work, after their first few botched summoning attempts it finally worked, once it knew what they wanted they said it was happy to help them. For the past 3 months it had been giving them blueprints and formulas for deepspace travel with no binding or serious deals, just to look into some weird group making up laws.

[neunnnnnnn]

I Shifted!! Storytime

I shifted to my 80s fame reality last night and I was contemplating if I should share it or not because of some "negative" things that happened but I guess that what happens when you don't really have a script for everything.

Anyway I woke up there as normal I didn't do any method and I just went to sleep thinking that I really do miss my Arcane reality and had an intention to go there but guess where I woke up 😃

Yes in my 80s fame reality.

I was kinda of reluctant because of what I had experienced before I shifted back ( The story is on my intro blog) and I was so close to shifting back when my s/o came into the room.

He was like you have to get up because we have a Press conference to attend. And obviously the 1st thing that comes to my mind is the scandal that I was in, and apparently when I shifted out of there it had gotten worse to the point where I was sued and was scheduled to go to court.

I got up showered, you know did the stuff and we were on our way to the press conference and my manager was explaining what was happening and was reading to me what the tabloids were saying about me, my s/o, my FAMILY!! And I'm like hell no, so I tell her to send a word out that I will sue whoever mentions my family in issues that do not even concern them because I don't fw my family. You are going to get sued.

We arrive and my s/o was holding my hand telling me that everything will be okay and that he's here for me ( omfg I miss him😭) and he was giving me kisses to calm me down because I was literally shaking.

I enter the room and the cameras go off. I was so nervous as hell that I thought of shifting back at that moment because I honestly couldn't take the pressure ( I don't like being under pressure)

And then they start asking some weird ass questions like; If I'm associated with the Illuminati or if I've done plastic surgery on my face,If I'm a lesbian ( this was actually funny 😂), if I do cocaine since a picture of me and Naomi campbell at a party was leaked. Nothing was said about the scandal and they were just outright bashing me for my looks or just wanting me to look dumb.

Ofc I was furious as hell and I cursed at them because wth I fucking shifted there they are not gonna stress me out I can do whatever I fucking want.

Buuuuut it looks like I forgot that as much as you are the creator of your reality, your consequences will have actions. And the actions that were taken were absolutely wow like just wow. I felt like Britney spears for a moment and I just told myself that Imma have to shift back for my mental health because everything and anything was being done to me and my team, from stalking, to random calls because my number was leaked, I had to fire my manger because she was exposing personal information on me and my s/o. So if we went to dinner for some reason the paparazzi were there, but turns out it was her that did it!!

Anyway, It was fun while it lasted but I don't think I'll be going back there unless I script a whole new ass script but yeah we'll see.

I shifted there for I would say almost a month so about 2/3 weeks but I'm honestly not sure.

Don't let it discourage you, just script that you have the ability to control the tabloids or something cause I didn't 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[lizzybeeee]

THE ENTIRE DRAGON AGE AMA IS A DUMPSTER FIRE

They avoided all the high-rated questions with genuine criticism (not blind hate!) and went for questions that were safer and allowed them more leeway. After that awful IGN article and that treatment of Davrin...God, just put it down. I have no faith that BioWare will be able to continue Dragon Age or Mass Effect with the respect it deserves.

Edit - They had an opportunity for genuine discussion with fans who were concerned/unhappy with the way Veilguard was -> people unhappy with the story, the marketing, the lack of 'RP' options in an RPG, etc... Instead they just doubled-down even more, avoiding those critical questions, with no real acknowledgement that fans have very reasonable problems with this game.

Some Highlights & My Initial Ramblings Below:

The Executors

"They attempt to manipulate events in the most subtle way they can manage."

So, very clear that they're not simply observers of what is happening in Thedas: they're manipulators...

"Magical Illuminati Confirmed! Lizard People Did 9:30 Dragon!!!!"

All that complexity of character -> his hatred of Orlais, his experience as a general, his relationship with Cailain, and the influence of Howe...all diminished. Any influence from a shadow cabal is too much influence - all the humanity of Loghain's choices/consequences...God, what a waste.

Not to mention what this does to other events/characters in the series -> they imply they've been intervening as far back as the magisters breaking into the golden city. I do not find this compelling! At all!

2. Solas and the Executors

Oh my god, he sounds like such a fucking Mary-Sue I'm so sick of Solas at this point -> "Actually, I know more about the Executors than anyone alive - not even the rest of the Gods know as much as me."

("I'm also, like, an Ancient Elven God, I'm responsible for the Blight and the Veil, and I kind of locked the Gods away cause they were evil - but, like, I'm really sad about it. Also the Herald of Andraste thinks I'm cute <3")

<- Previous comments: massive oversimplification, obviously

But I miss the days when not everything was about Solas. It removes so much interest and wonder in this world when the fucking egg is behind it all. I loved him as a character in DAI and now I just feel this bone deep tiredness when I see his stupid face.

Don't you dare threaten to bring Gareth David-Lloyd back -> keep him away from this mess!

3. The Fate of the Rest of the Evanuris

Yay. I'm so looking forwards to "The Return of the Elves: Electric Boogaloo 2" - it was done so well the first time!

"It was the elves all along!"

The only character with any potential to be interesting is Andruil*, but how they handled all this lore was done so shallowly and so poorly that I find it hard to give a damn anymore. Not to mention that the game literally mentions Ghilan'nain mourning Andruil - so is this a retcon/redirection/or have you confirmed that one of the most interesting members of the Evanuris' is dead?

*interesting in that she's established in lore to potentially have a tonne of really cool things attached to her (the void armour, the great weapon she has etc...). The rest of the evanuris are nowhere near as well established as she is.

4. Southern Thedas, Sociopolitical Issues, and Future Games

NOW YOU WANT TO INCORPORATE GEO-POLITCAL EXPLORATION?? You avoided any meaningful discussion like the plague in DATV but now you're acknowledging it?? OkaY. okAy.

They couldn't even give us the long-term ramifications of the mage/templar war how the hell am I supposed to believe that they will be able to pull off 'elven gods are real' etc...? For a game series that totes : your choices matter -> they have not proven that they have been able to show that in a meaningful way. They literally cleaned the slate with this game to avoid doing that.

So, what, does that mean that the Veil is never going to come down now? Or are you going to have the entirety of Thedas build themselves up again just to have the Veil fall and send things into chaos once more?

What a fatalistic, miserable outcome for Thedas -> why the fuck would anyone bother to live in Thedas if you're going to keep throwing meteorites at them? By all means, change/conflict has to happen for the series to move forwards...but this is just so miserable at this point.

(The Elder Scrolls, at least, gives people room to breathe between crisis' or sets them up in different areas of the world! Bethesda treats past installments/your decisions with greater respect than DATV does.)

Even, then, if the Veil remains up, that means that the spirits are just trapped in the Fade being miserable for the rest of existence. The entire series has been humanizing spirits, from Justice to Cole, and now they're just throwing in the towel? I guess they can stay in the fade now! Problem solved!

What do you mean the Evanuris are not a threat anymore? IN A PREVIOUS QUESTION YOU LITERALLY SAID SOME ARE STILL POTENTIALLY KICKING AROUND THE BLACK CITY?

Weakened, sure, but Solas was 'weak' in DAI. You're giving yourself an out if you decide to go back to the elves again. Please do, I'd love more content on how the elves alone fuck everything up!

5. More Southern Thedas, the Chantry, and Tevinter

Thanks for the confirmation that things in the South are so fucked up that they have to work alongside the 'Slave Capital' of the known world to rebuild!

Slavery was one of the biggest things that caused a rift between the north/south chantry system -> one of the reasons why there were exalted marches -> a uniting belief in the south is that slavery is fucked. They didn't address slavery in DATV - what hopes are there that they will do so effectively in a future game?

Don't tell me that Dorian fixes everything off screen either -> either he solves slavery off-screen or the south is being forced to work the slaver-capitol because their land is nuked and they have no ground to stand on.

I'm so thrilled.

6. Solas and the Idol / The Blight

I will never get over Solas fucking curing the Blight off-screen and no one asking questions/giving a shit. Hello?? The Hero of Ferelden would like a word with you???

So the Blight is calcified in Minrathous, at least, but everywhere further away is still fucked! Once more, the South is doomed to suffer from the long-term effects that regular blights have -> not to mention the red lyrium (which still exists according to the AMA) across the south.

I don't care; it's lame. It's a lame way to conclude the blight and I hate it. This game did not earn 'cure the blight from thedas' at all. You could have had us learn how to soothe a titan and see how that can diminish the blight but you did it this way.

Another 'magical ritual' because Solas has such a good track record with them lmao.

7. The Agents of Fen'Harel / The War with the Qun / The Crows

Turned him against the idea of being a leader???!!

Fen'harel's Call to the Elven People After the events at the Winter Palace, elves left the Inquisition under mysterious circumstances, as did elven servants across Thedas. None could say where they went, but those who believed the Inquisitor's story about Fen'Harel wondered just how large the Dread Wolf's forces were... and what the ancient elven rebel had planned. This is from the Trespasser Epilogue, Epler!

Your concept art for Joplin literally had him as a leader of a faction of elves. Just be honest that it's a retcon and you changed course - don't try to save face with this reasoning.

About the Antaam: "We needed some big mindless bad guys to fight and so we did this because we didn't want to address the Qunari War/Invasion we set up in Trespasser".

You had to canonize Sten as being alive and Arishok in order for this reasoning to work -> you didn't even come up with an alternative Arishok to take Sten's place.

Yeah, the exchange that set up the Crows we see in the game as "idealists" did not make the game. I can confirm that!

I'm sorry, "Caterina kept Illario in check?" as in, 'kept him an idealist and not the usual Crow'? The woman that beat him with a cane and starved him and his cousin to train them as Crows. Fuck off.

lmao -> tell me you're coming up with this on the spot without telling me that you're coming up with this on the spot.

8. World State Discrepancies - Isabela

Outright ignores the very real criticism about the marketing from this game and World States.

"there are absolutely places where we unintentionally suggested there was a hard canon (...that Isabela is always assumed to have joined Hawke's party.)"

Unintentional?

Excuse me, you have her talk about Merrill and the Kirkwall Crew as family - that was not unintentional in the slightest. Not to mention Sten, Blackwall, Sera, and Cole are canonized as being part of your world state no matter what.

You had a story you wanted to tell - one that only fit a few world states - and you went ahead with it and disregarded those choices. Don't try and lie about this all being a big misunderstanding.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edit - They could have taken the opportunity to address the very reasonable criticisms that people had with this game but they cherry-picked questions and avoided/minimized anything remotely critical.

They could have provided us some insight into the game development time but each time they approached the topic they settled for "we're happy with what we delivered and it was well optimized."

They had an opportunity to acknowledge that people were bothered by the handling of the lore/stories (to potentially mention they could course-correct/ rethink their plans) but instead they doubled down on everything that they did and even 'justified' some decisions. They doubled down on the Executors, Solas's changing motivations, the destruction of Southern Thedas, and the elves/Solas being at the heart of everything etc...

This AMA basically confirmed that the only reason they did what they did to the south was for a reset -> It's not a compelling or fulfilling narrative to have everything we've done reset back to ground zero off-screen. BioWare games differentiate themselves from other RPG's by their import system from previous games - it was compelling and exciting! With DATV they set the expectation that BioWare can outright throw out entire games worth of choices/build up, not solely retcon them.

Justifying your choice to water down the lore/world of your story by saying you'll address it in the 'next game' does not instill me with confidence, BioWare! It doesn't explain that lack of it in this game either!

They avoided every question that, rightfully so, pointed out the misleading comments made by devs in the pre-order period of the game:

the fact that there were only 3 imported choices from previous games was leaked by a reviewer -> BioWare was vague from the start about choices

that this game was the most 'romantic' in the series

that world states/ headcanons wouldn't be disrespected

that there are 'lore' reasons for bad darkspawn design

that there are lasting, impactful choices/consequences to be made in this game

that the lore/world was not watered or toned down

that companions are deep and you can disagree with them etc...

BioWare's behavior towards their customers in the lead up period to this games release was downright scummy. I absolutely felt misled after playing the game for myself and recalling what I read in interviews put out. While EA is undoubtedly poison, you can't hold them solely accountable for this.

I feel for the individual developers who worked on this in what was undoubtedly a toxic environment from EA - but I feel that it's pretty clear that BioWare itself has a lot of problems within and in their leadership/executives. Working for EA does not give them an excuse to mislead their customers.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I already had a very grim outlook on the franchise from the end of DATV but this literally look my interest out the back and sent it to God. What a disaster.

[fandomnerd9602]

Scarlet and Black

Wanda Maximoff x Deadpool!Reader

Based this Request by @sweetheartlizzie07

Please a story of multiverse of madness Wanda x Deadpool male!reader? And Deadpool male!reader is a very important member of illuminati and avengers? This takes place the whole illuminati thing and when (scarlet witch) Wanda came (nobody dies), (scarlet witch) Wanda is surprised in a good way that Deadpool male!reader happens to be the father of billy and Tommy. Deadpool male gently tells (scarlet witch) Wanda to let go of his wife Wanda

There she was, the Scarlet Witch, having hijacked the body of this universe’s Wanda Maximoff in a bid to get America Chavez.

She can and would rip through all of reality of it would get her boys back into her arms.

And so that led her to right here, covered in motor oil, eyes burning fiercely, and standing in front of the Illuminati.

The one you know as Reed was trying to say tell Wanda something about his own children

“Is there mother still alive?” She asks rather coldly.

“Yes” the genius you had called friend and at certain times Jim Halpert, answered.

“Good. Then there will be someone left to raise them” Wanda responded almost robotically.

“Sheesh! Witchiepoo, you’re so dark!” You call out from the elevator as you return from a solo mission clad in your classic Deadpool red and black attire. “Are you sure you’re not from the Snyderverse!”

Wanda immediately turns her attention to you. “Who are you?”

“The question, my spicy little taquito, is who are you and why have you taken over the body of one hot MILF?”

You look to Reed. “Go home to your Emily Blunt looking wife now, Jack Ryan. This is a lover’s quarrel”

The rest of the Illuminati left. Peggy gave you a pat on the back.

“You do not know who you are messing with” the Scarlet Witch spits out, “I am the Scarlet Witch”

Despite your tenacity for bad jokes, you were gonna have this resolve without a repeat of the X-Force incident. “The Scarlet Witch? Baby I thought we agreed to never use our bedroom names in—“

She hoisted you up into the air with a burst of her scarlet red chaos magic. “You talk too much!”

“I get that a lot” you strain to say, “by the way - hot, sweaty, wearing yoga pants and covered in motor oil? Hot. Are you sure today’s not International Women’s Day?”

She bent one of your hands completely backwards.

“Ah! That was my favorite hand!”

She broke your other hand, your first hand quickly regenerated.

“Wanda, please!” You found yourself begging, and not in the fun way, “don’t do this”

“I could pop your head like a grape” she intoned.

“The look of hate in your eyes…if my life wasn’t being totally threatened right now, I’d be so turned on…oh let’s face it. Everything you do turns me on”

The Scarlet Witch began crushing your entire body with her magic. “Why won’t you die?!”

“W-Wanda please don’t do this!”

“And why not?!”

“Because Billy and Tommy will miss their Papa!” You answered as you felt so many bones within you shatter.

Immediately Wanda’s eyes shot open, she dropped you to the ground, a broken mess.

“Ow. Well not the first time you left me a boneless mess. But last time was a lot more fun” you tried to joke as your bones slowly reassembled.

“Who are you? Really?” The angry witch came storming up to you.

“I’m your husband. Well on this world. Multiverse is so confusing” Wanda didn’t hear that last part, only the word husband.

“W-What?” She took a surprised step back.

“I know that’s what I say every time I wake up next to my Wanda. How the hell she ended up with a guy like me? Some divine conspiracy��or tumblr request”

The Scarlet Witch found herself kneeling before you, coming eye to eye with you. She tenderly took a hold of your mask and lifted it off, leaving your eyes looking into hers.

“Hi” was all you could say with a little smile. “I know…I’m not Hugh Jackman.”

She saw your face only briefly in the photos hung on the walls of your home. The ones of hers and yours wedding. Billy and Tommy’s birth and following birthdays.

Her fingers began tracing over your scarred face. Every surface, almost like she was tracing it to memory and also was memory.

“You’re real?” She began to tear up a little.

“About as real as Ryan Reynolds doing a musical based on a Christmas Carol. It really happened look it up.”

You gently take Wanda’s face in your gloves hands, “look here Sabrina the Emo Witch, you now know what I look like. You can find me on your word and go the long route to your life with me and our boys. Y-You can’t grab Billy and Tommy from elsewhere.”

The Scarlet Witch took your words to heart.

“Besides, I saw Agatha all Along and Billy is currently still in Westview.” You shrug.

“What?!”

“Yeah he’s in the body of some kid named Billy Kaplan. Soul switch thing, totally ripping off the Steve Trevor thing from Wonder Woman 1984”

“I-I have to…” she tries to think of what to say. You hold her cheek tenderly.

“Go Witchiepoo, go to him” you tenderly cheer her on. “And please give me my wife back. Because I am so turned on right now and I want my cuddly witch back”

Wanda’s eyes fluttered and convulsed briefly before she turned to you, confused. “Y-Y/N? Where am I?”

“My Little Witch! Baby!!” You exclaim before kissing her repeatedly.

“Why are we at the Illuminati headquarters?”

“Let’s just say you got possessed by yourself. But like a way meaner version”

Wanda shakes her head, “m-my legs feel weak”

You pick her up tenderly, “I know baby, your friendly neighborhood Pool guy has got you. And I’m never letting you go”

You kiss her tenderly and carry her out of the headquarters.

Doctor Strange and Chavez could only look on in confusion. “Was that superhero dressed like a gimp?!” Chavez asked rather confused.

“His face looked like the topographical map of Utah!” Strange exclaimed.

Tags: @lifespectator @supercorpdanbeau @sweetheartlizzie07 @scarletquake-n7 @iiconicsfan25 @idkwhatever580 @pinklawyerwinnerzonk @ma1egamer @dudesweet17 @texaswolf23

[strawberrynightmare]

Mikey, Baji & Inupi getting whacked while they're trying to wake you up

Content warning: These take place during/after a sleepover! Tickling, something awful happens in Mikey's fic

Mikey

~Modern problems require modern solutions 🤠

~Late, late in the night, you were playing all kinds of games. Cards, truth or dare, illuminati, board games, video games, fire boy and water girl, you name it. Mikey was reaching the peak of competitiveness and you were not far behind.  

~And you would have been long knocked out had it not been for the sugar rush the two of you were on. Needless to say… the two of you were more than a bit hyperactive. 

~It was good after two am that a blood-curling crisis made its way into your blissful playtime. 

The two of you looked at each other in horror, as if to make sure you were not imagining things. But this dreadful situation went beyond human imagination. After a few minutes of deadly silence, your lover spoke in a quiet, shaky voice. 

“We ran out of snacks.”

~Even though the two of you stocked up so well beforehand, it was all gone now. After some good 15 minutes of crying about it, a rock paper scissors match began. Of course, the loser had to go through the hardships of getting their ass up, dressing up, going to the nearest 24/7 convenience store and buying some more food. 

~And he lost.

~As he dragged himself through the room, you could swear it looked like he was going to his own execution. He mumbled under his breath but the two of you were so out of it, you didn’t care and he didn’t even know what he was mumbling in the first place.

~He was back pretty soon but still found you passed out on the floor of his room. Your boyfriend didn’t think much about it when he began to gently kick your side. 

“Wake up, y/n I’ve got your favourite cookies.” ~Guy who looked and sounded like a zombie

~He knelt down to unpack the two bags of snacks while continuing to nudge you with his hand. And next thing he knew was a kick to his jaw as you shifted from laying on your back to your side. 

~He blinked a few times, instinctively touched his chin, sat there for a while, then stood up to turn off the light and fell asleep next to you. 

~Via the two of you trying to figure out how he got a bruise on his jaw after you woke up. 

Baji

~Aaand he took that personally 🙄

~It was definitely not a great idea to have a sleepover at his house on a Wednesday, but he got a bit impatient. For three whole days, you listened to him complaining about not sleeping well and insisting that the cure would be you sleeping over. 

~”What is it? I’m telling you, my mom likes you anyways. And if I sleep well, my grades will be better too!”

You’ve slept well for so many years, and the good grades were never in sight.”

”That’s foul, y/n!”

~In the end you settled for a study sleepover. Instead of messing around, the plan was to study together for some time and then go to sleep at a reasonable hour. Yeah, the plan was all it was.

~You were able to go through two pages of your textbooks before getting utterly distracted and doing whatever the hell you wanted. You ended up sneaking out even before the clock struck midnight and enjoyed the city basked in the night to your heart’s content. It was heavily past 2am when you came back and it was only because it started raining.

~Soon afterwards you fell asleep cuddling into his chest with his arm around your shoulder.

~And he recklessly followed you into the land of dreams without any awareness of what was going to happen in the morning. 

~He was woken up by his mother at the usual hour. Mrs. Baji brought you two breakfast straight into his room and as he was half awake, she urged him to wake you up as well. In a half-awake state, he barely began to complain and tell her to wake you up herself before she cut him off with “I tried”.

~In his defence, he thought that shaking your arms lightly and calling out your name would be enough to wake you up. Jokes on him, you didn’t even budge. He tried everything his mother ever used on him, taking away your blanket, rubbing your back, hell, he even tried to wake you up with a kiss - nothing worked.

~He was absentmindedly poking your cheek while trying to come up with something else. All he could think of was a glass of cold water or calling his friends. It was then that he suddenly got smacked in the face with a pillow. The force of the hit was enough to have him rolling out of the bed. His traitor pillow was dropped right next to him. All you did was roll onto your side. Still asleep. 

~If his loud ‘HAA????’ didn’t manage to wake you up, you might as well have been dead. Anyways, prepare because he took that as a declaration of war. How does a sleeping person prepare for anything

~He climbed back, pushed you onto your back and began to mercilessly tickle you in all the weak spots he was aware of. He even took a feather out of his pillow and began tickling your feet and that was the final straw, for you to wake up completely disoriented, fall from the bed and instinctively kick your boyfriend off the bed. Both of you ended up on the floor, but Baji didn’t even notice that. He was too busy patting himself on the back and praising his genius for managing to wake you up.

~All while he existed there in a half-conscious state, trying to comprehend the whole situation. 

~And then he dragged you to school. You were late because waking you up almost took him a whole hour. 

~Surprisingly, he managed to take the test and actually answer enough questions for you to consider him passing it. 

~So now he has an excuse to invite you in more often. Although he did learn to only do this on weekends so that you can sleep for as long as you wish, Sleeping y/n is the one person he’s too afraid to face again.

Inupi

~Bro gave up 💀

~It happened during a sleepover. The two of you were on the couch and watching a movie late in the night. He excused himself for a while when he noticed someone koko calling him. The call lasted longer than expected and when he came back, you were already asleep.

~All he wanted was to gently wake you up by rubbing your cheek so that you could move to his bigger and more comfortable bed. Totally not because he wanted to cuddle you. Not at all. 

~But then he got smacked with a pillow you  were clutching to your chest so hard, the force made him fall backwards and land on his ass. You were still asleep as he sat there, trying to comprehend what just happened. 

~He wasn’t even sure whether you were just pretending to sleep to take the sofa or it was really just you reacting to unwanted stimuli. 

~He sighed and simply went back to his room to gather the blankets and cushions. Then, he slipped a cushion under your head, gently fixed it into a more comfortable position and wrapped you up in a blanket. After that, he just made some adjustments for himself and sat next to you, leaning his body on yours.

~This fixed the issue the two of you always had. The issue was called ‘Who takes the bed?!’. While he insisted that you should take it, you insisted that it was his bed and you were fine with the couch. But he was also fine with the couch and he couldn’t just- sleep comfortably in his warm bed and make you sleep out there. Sharing the bed felt so intimate that none of you dared to suggest it although i know some of ya simps would jump at the first gotten chance to share a bed with him

~...So the two of you are now sharing a couch, but he swore that the next time, you’re taking the bed even if he has to drag you in there himself.

[indelibleevidence]

Maybe I'm slow on the uptake, but it's only just dawning on me that if Sam does manage to find the OIAR members in the TMA universe, they'll all have been in their specific hells, assuming they were alive in 2018.

What Melanie said about people in power being jailors in the hells made me think a bit about that:

We know that Trevor Herbert, homeless vampire hunter, is Trevor Herbert MP in the Protocol universe. His socio-economic status is reversed, so you might think that there's not much of a common thread between versions of him. But Trevor in Archives hunted and slaughtered a lot of creatures, and there's definitely power in taking lives (even evil ones).

And we know that Archives' Helen 'Secret Tory' Richardson was giving off scary Tory vibes in Protocol, assuming that it's not just Distortion!Helen who managed to creep out of a crack in the universe before John killed her. So there's a common thread there.

And Protocol Georgie seems semi-serious when she asks Celia if she needs to be paranoid about being spied on by the government/aliens/the Illuminati, which indicates that she has more fear than the average person. Which seems the total opposite of Archives Georgie, but if her fear response hadn't been taken from her, would she have been in an Eye hell?

So if we assume that people's personalities re: power are basically in the same ballpark no matter which dimension you're in:

Gwen in the Protocol universe is a power-seeker, going so far as to find a way to oust Lena from her job (even though she's regretting it now). Does that mean Gwen in the Archives universe was a 'jailor', as Melanie put it? Was Lena one too? And if so, what kinds of hell did they help to control?

Alice is the least ambitious person ever, so I assume she'd be a tormentee rather than a tormentor. Archives Alice could have been in a Lonely hell, or a Stranger or Spiral one if they tormented her with gender dysphoria. Assuming she's even trans in that universe.

Sam is a knowledge-seeker, but not for power's sake, so the Eye probably had him in one of its hells. He also has big 'failing at life' fears, which kind of fall under 'everyone will know I suck', so kind of Eye-ish, too.

Colin also seems like he'd be tormented in a computer-themed Eye hell, because of his (admittedly justified) paranoia.

Teddy seems to be pretty ambition-free, also, but it's hard to get a handle on where he'd be tortured, because of how little he's been in the show.

[ohisms]

↪ ᵀᴴᴱ 𝑀𝐼𝐶𝐾 , ꮲꭲ 2 . (  a  series  of  sentence  starters  from  season  1  of fox's sitcom ,  “ the mick ” adjust phrasing as necessary . )

damn , [ name ] , how many cars can one person crash ?

i can't help it — when i'm behind the wheel , i'm a slave to the power of the machine .

other people worked very hard to buy those cars , and now they're mine .

why you gotta put me in a cage ?

i'm not a rat , okay ?

shut up , you don't know what you're talking about .

i am NOT joking , i don't wanna do this .

guys , we don't snitch . that's it , end of story .

will you listen to yourself ?? "jUsT tElL tHe tRuTh"

[ name ] , you snitch you die !

pretty sure that was already there when i walked up .

how is this good news ?

everyone's gonna call me a traitor , like you .

don't worry about it , it was worth it .

what are you doing tomorrow night ?

just say the words , and it can be yours .

oh , it's like that , huh ? fine .

what was that ? i can't hear you ... you can't breathe ?

you better figure something out , 'cause if you don't — i'll have to go public with this .

that's called extortion , stupid !

those guys are just covering their own asses , they don't even like you .

as easily as i can save you in this world , i can destroy you .

if anybody messes with you , let us know - okay ?

with a dong like that , you'd think he'd be happier .

do i look like i'm playing , [ last name ] ?

oh , your breath reeks of booze .

i hope you have a plan .

i was up all night watching prep school movies in preparation .

there are some real evil illuminati-type vibes in here , right ?

there was a time i could see , and i have seen .

oh , i'm just getting warmed up .

we are but food for worms , gentlemen .

whose burrito did i just step in ?

get out of here , the tv's mine .

what did you do to my shirt ??

how would you feel if i ran around stealing your clothes ?

we had to kill him cause he wasn't a team player .

no more special treatment for you .

i grew up in squalor , i am perfectly comfortable in it .

[ name ] , don't you dare !

didn't know you were gonna be so weird about it .

if you decide that you don't want me around , just tell me and i will go .

you're not the only game in town , buddy , okay ?

you don't know who i hang out with .

jealousy is the reason people hate us .

you don't have to worry about labels , just like who you like .

i hope this is some sort of emergency .

you kept me waiting , so i'm gonna get right to it .

don't make this your thing , this is [ name's ] thing .

suing is how rich white people solve their problems .

i wanted to sing and show you there's nothing to be afraid of .

i'm so nervous for you ... i want to throw up and run away .

you could have me escorted out , but you have no security .

ooh , dark scary room ! you know what they call that in prison ? they call that a blind spot . great place to catch a shiv .

what kind of operation are you running here ?

you didn't do anything wrong . i was the problem , not you .

where i'm from , the guest gets the good seat .

i drink , smoke , lie , steal ... i'm drunk right now .

i will ruin him . please don't let me do that .

i'm not the one doing whatever you guys are doing ... what are you doing ?

i'm not judging , at least he's a hot mess .

it's the wolf's job to eat the sheep , so y'know ... this was bound to happen .

i will RUIN you when we get home .

i'll give it back to you in a minute , you're gonna get it back .

the suit you destroyed cost a grand !

come on , [ name ] . i'll help you get settled .

he can't know it was my idea .

she made her mean bed and she can sleep in those scratchy sheets .

woah , tough day at the office ?

what the hell did you just say to me ?

you are right ... no matter what you say about anything .

we do this all the time , but usually there's some art to it .

this is not nearly as fun as i thought it was gonna be .

you're letting a bunch of nerds pick on you with their computers ?

why don't you just systematically destroy her ?

i can see where this is headed , so i'm just gonna hit the road .

she ripped me open , stuffed me full of devastation and then sewed me back up again .

leave me alone , this is all your fault .

why are they yelling ? are they angry cause they're bad musicians ?

i will never understand your generation .

let me have it . how bad is it ?

do you have any idea what i saw in there ?

you should come and check out what's going on outside , cause i think you'll be pleasantly surprised .

i just want us to be friends again .

it would be such a silly waste of time for someone like me to be mad at someone as insignificant as you .

the truth is , i pity you .

when the universe gives you a sign , it's not up to you to ignore it .

[ name ] gave it to me . it means i'm in charge .

i'm not comfortable with the whole arrangement . where's [ name ] ?

this is outrageous ! i'm getting passed over again ?

i don't have a problem , i'm just blowing off some steam .

you wanna get in on this ?

you deserve to take a time out as much as anybody else .

sorry , i didn't realize you were the fun police .

having money has reaaally changed you .

i've lost control ?! oh no , you dumb , dumb idiot . YOU'VE lost control .

that's a gross overreaction .

i will show myself the door in a ... graceful and classy manner .

thanks for sticking around .

look , i realize i did some questionable things in there .

i just felt like the universe was giving me a sign .

i'm the only one worthy of its power !

keep it in your pants and follow my lead .

it's no offense , i just don't know you very well .

let's go over this one more time , just so we're clear .

we've already been over the terms .

what's in it for you ?

i like the element of surprise .

wasn't expecting that . are you okay ?

i saw a burglar , i didn't know what to do ... so i SMOKED his ass !

you SHOT me ! what the hell's the matter with you ?

that gunpowder's like a hundred years old , it probably just broke the skin .

what about the police ? they're expecting a gunshot victim .

guys , we've gotta move this along , okay ?

you got it , i'll get you a pillow .

you're lucky no one was killed .

here's the thing about the bordeaux ... i drank it .

i'm so sorry that you had to keep our mansion warm .

how do you think the police found them ?

if you're done criticizing me , i think i'll head on up to bed .

you want me to do the jobs no one else wants ?

can we pick this up tomorrow ? i was shot , so ... i'm very tired .

it has nothing to do with that . okay ? now please leave .

i wanted to thank you for having my back earlier .

that had nothing to do with you . i was just trying to hurt them .

it's chloroform . i found a recipe online .

[ name ] , don't come at me with that .

i was gonna do whatever it takes . i'm not a quitter.

i wanna tell you , i really do . but first there's something i need .

oh my god , you're bailing again .

innocent people don't sneak in and out of their own home .

'cause i don't like you , that's why .

i'd rather get mowed down in a hellfire of bullets than listen to you screech .

you don't have to lie . i heard you guys .

how was i supposed to know you were gonna hug me ? i didn't even know you knew how to hug .

[emxisms]

Can you do the Sinclair brothers, thomas, Bubba, brahms, Billy loomis, and stu matcher with a s/o that is the illuminati? They make deals with people and if they break it they kill them? So they basically are a killer too. (Make sure to take care of yourself)

Hi my love! Yes ofcourse I can! I hope you're doing well, make sure to take care too. Xoxo ����

𝕾𝖑𝖆𝖘𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖘 𝖝 𝕴𝖑𝖑𝖚𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖆𝖙𝖎 𝕸𝖊𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗!𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

FEM!reader.

Warnings: Harsh language, mentions of killing (duh), references to inappropriate acts

𝔅𝔬 𝔖𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔩𝔞𝔦𝔯

At first, he was definitely alarmed. You know, nobody would really trust it at first. Especially Bo. He doesn't trust anyone, really. Not even his own twin.

When he finds out you kill people aswell, he would ease into the thought of you helping 'decorate' Ambrose.

"What, so, you basically do deals with the devil and shit?" "Um, sort of.. in a way.." "Shit, and I thought you couldn't get any hotter."

He would beg you to let him help kill the sons of bitches who break their end of the deal. Then proceeds to get angry at you when you refuse.

𝔙𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝔖𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔩𝔞𝔦𝔯

Definitely shocked. Who knew someone so sweet was capable of something so harsh? You would never lay a finger on him, but to hear this news.. lord have mercy.

Is always worried about you when you go on trips. The last thing he wants is for you to get hurt when dealing with 'business.'

*Baby promise me you'll be careful, okay?* he signs, "I don't know what's careful about murder, but I promise."

𝔗𝔥𝔬𝔪𝔞𝔰 ℌ𝔢𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔱

Lord does he freak out. You're telling him your job is to make awful deals and.. if they mess up, you have to put yourself in danger?! No thank you.

When you reassure him that you're okay, and safe, he'll calm down a bit more. He just wants you safe all the time. He hates having you around his home because of how dangerous it is, but love is one hell of a drug.

Huffs and grunts at you when you get mad at him for not being careful while 'hunting' knowing damn well you do the same on your business trips. He's a sassy man at heart. But he still loves you, ofcourse.

𝔅𝔲𝔟𝔟𝔞 𝔖𝔞𝔴𝔶𝔢𝔯

WHAATTT??!!!

Wants you to teach him some moves. He's open to learning a few things. If he has to kill, he wants to do it in style.

Is really excited about it at first, but the more he thinks about it, realization hits in. You could get hurt doing this. He doesn't like it anymore.

After some reassurance and cuddles later, he's calmed down and is okay with it. As long as his love is okay, he's okay.

𝔅𝔯𝔞𝔥𝔪𝔰 ℌ𝔢𝔢𝔩𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔯𝔢

Oh, no.. No, no no..

You're putting yourself in risk?! EVERY DAY?!?!... Brahms doesn't like this news. Not one bit.

He will whine and beg you to stay home and will beg to maybe even... come with you? He wants to keep you safe. You're his one and true love, he wouldn't dare lose you.

If you get hurt taking care of business, he will definitely feel like it's his fault. Why would he allow you to go out and work knowing the harm it can cause?!

𝔅𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔶 𝔏𝔬𝔬𝔪𝔦𝔰

"Well damn mama, I didn't know you had it in 'ya."

Thinks you are so incredibly hot. 10x more than he did before. He wants to see you in action, he'd definitely get a kick out of it.

If you come home from a 'mission' and you're covered in blood.. you'd best believe he's pouncing on you immediately.

𝔖𝔱𝔲 𝔐𝔞𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔯

At first, he gives you more of a confused look when you drop the info on him, and then of ofcourse he'll stick out his tongue and do that crazed giggle of his. He doesn't believe you for one second.

That is until he sees the look on your face. You are dead serious about this.

"Oh.." he stops and thinks.. "OH!!" "Oh?.."

"Ohh~.." he grins. "You're a killer too, aren't 'ya!?" He's going to be teasing you about this for weeks, maybe even months.

Asks if you're interested in helping him and Billy with some tasks. He'll be sad if you say no, but he gets it.

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

I apologize for not doing requests!! I have been incredibly busy with my personal life, and being honest.. I forgot I had tumblr installed.

I will do my best to get to your requests as soon as I can!

Requests ~ ☑️

↳ read my pinned post for further information! xx

[discordiansamba]

goooood morning have some noctis au thoughts in no particular order:

noctis actually ends up spending a lot of time studying swordsmanship on his own, because he knows one day he's going to have to teach rin because he wishes he'd known how to actually use a sword before drawing kurikara for the first time.

(this means he spends a lot of time watching videos on youtube on a laptop he borrowed from mephisto. thank god youtube still exists.)

mephisto custom made noctis' demon sword for him. he is NOT beating the 'has a favorite sibling' allegations. it may or may not be occupied by Ucchusma, so the flames it produces are the standard orange.

noctis: i need to give this thing a name.

also noctis: (never does that)

rin's sword is just a random katana that noctis blesses, because he can apparently do that. it doesn't channel fire, because the flames would very obviously be blue- but it does channel heat.

shima: wait. can you recreate those videos where they slice through stuff with super heated knives?

rin: ...fuck yeah, let's do this.

yukio: dad. aren't you going to stop them?

noctis: no, i want to see where this goes.

(the answer is a lot of exploded produce)

noctis' first student isn't even rin. it's shura, ironically enough. the past is just fucking with him now, he's pretty sure.

(he ends up teaching rin a lot of iaido techniques, because while he still heals faster than a normal human, he definitely can't afford to take the same risks noctis can lmao. long range attacks are your friend here, buddy!)

local time traveler becomes an early adopter of the smartphone. just you wait, he says! one day everyone will have one of these!

really funny to imagine that he's totally inept with older technology only to turn around and really understand the newer stuff once the things he's more familiar with start popping up again. that should have been everyone's first hint that he was a time traveler, lol.

noctis thinking that it would be kind of cool to have a motorcycle, but then looking at the prices and nearly dying on the spot. huh? they're HOW much?? even secondhand????

(everyone at the monastery pitches together to buy him a secondhand one as a present when he passes his GED equivalent. he's feeling emotions again.)

since yukio doesn't defect to the Illuminati in this timeline, it means that rin, yukio, and konekomaru all end up going along with izumo and suguro on their 'raid the Romania branch' adventure, which is how they still end up in the Arctic.

(shima's there because he's with the Illuminati. their objective was to kidnap shiro, which shiro saw coming from a mile away but faked getting kidnapped so he could find the location of their base and raise some hell once he's there.

they both get picked up by kuro. hey, your uber's here.

shima: huh!? how did kuro know to come get us?

shiro, who at this point knows noctis is a time traveler: don't even worry about it.)

the Illuminati just want Satan in Shiro's head- his body is too old to serve as a proper vessel at this point, especially in comparison to the one they've crafted for Satan.

rin and yukio's post-Arctic conflict of knowing that their dad is a version of rin from the future but like. he's also still their dad. but he's also rin from the future. they are in agony. what do they do??? they can't just keep calling him dad, right???

noctis, who has not been bothered by that in literal years: lol. lmao.

noctis' bad habit of never introducing rin and yukio unprompted to people who knew them in the future, because they already know their names, right?

[ckret2]

Conspiracy theories are an important part of the series' identity, what's wrong with them? Some have nasty implications if you really overthink it, but they're generally fun

I didn't say I'm not gonna include conspiracy theories in the story altogether. I said I'm not validating any REAL WORLD conspiracy theories, and I'm not talking about antisemitic & racist conspiracy theories. I'm happy to crack jokes debunking or mocking real world conspiracy theories. I'm happy to create new conspiracy theories for the fic that are totally divorced from any existing conspiracy theories.

But when I'm talking about the ones I'm not playing with, I ain't talking about "Elvis is still alive" conspiracies here. With a lot of the most oft-referenced goofy-sounding high profile conspiracy theories, they're not nasty "if you really overthink it." These theories are, in their very origins, vehicles for hatred toward minority groups. Browse for a while. Notice how many of the conspiracies that have ridiculous traits that make them seem fun on the surface are past the antisemitic point of no return.

Secret reptilian overlords disguised as humans? A deliberate effort to disguise centuries-old antisemitic conspiracies. "Jews secretly control the world," "Jews help others of their bloodline gain & maintain power," "Jews drink the blood of Christian children"—blood libel is a thing that real people believe and have believed for centuries and has historically been used to justify killing whole Jewish communities—and the exact rhetoric used in these obviously antisemitic claims was reskinned for the "reptilian overlords" conspiracy. And which real people do you think believers in the conspiracy disproportionately accuse of secretly being cold-blooded inhuman monsters trying to disguise themselves amongst normal humans? Reptilian overlords is a popular one to make jokes about because "the president's a lizard in disguise" sounds funny when stripped of context—and typically the people making jokes either don't know where it came from or don't care.

Hell, the entire "a cabal of Jewish people sorry we meant 'global elites' secretly rules the world" is one of the oldest, most versatile, and most popular of antisemetic conspiracy theories.

And check out some of the more ridiculous-sounding ones that pop culture likes making jokes about.

Hollow Earth? That one's "inside the earth is a paradise populated by Vikings (the manliest white people!) and Nazis. Yay Nazis!" A whole bunch of secret continent/secret moon colony/hidden geography conspiracies are very "yay Nazis". The Illuminati secretly control everything? For approximately a century, "Jews + Freemasons + Illuminati control the world" has been an extremely prominent conspiracy theory that's branched off into countless other conspiracy theories still believed today (it fed into the reptilian overlord conspiracy, for instance). Adrenochrome? Hollywood (and other "global elites") are trafficking children to harvest a chemical from their blood that they can inject? This is literally just blood libel again. Satanic Panic, the idea that there are real Satanic cults sacrificing children left and right, and the goofy things resulting from the panic like Chick Tracts claiming D&D will damn you? Innocent people were sent to jail for murder because they were gothy enough to be accused of Satanism. People (including the right's favorite targets: immigrants and queer people!) spent decades in jail over accusations that they were ritualistically sexually abusing children—crimes that never even happened. Even less directly harmful shit like "aliens built the pyramids" is only possible if you begin from a position of assuming it's more likely ALIENS built the pyramids than that ancient African people were capable of doing it and then ignore the fact that we do know how the damn things were built.

I don't think it's entertaining for a fictional story to go "hey, you know this conspiracy that was created to promote prejudice against minorities and has been used to hurt and kill people? Wouldn't it be sooo silly if there were a world where it's actually TRUE?? Wouldn't it be so funny if the antisemites and racists and homophobes and fascists were right about everything?"

So no. I'm not gonna use a fictional setting to validate any real world conspiracies; and I'm not gonna bring a whiff of antisemitic & racist conspiracies into a goofy comedy setting.

[macro-cosmic]

I was going to make SF6 designs for Remy, Alex and Sean but then I realized. I dont want to. So only Remys design is there plus a lot of slop feat those 2. Also Poison is there bc I like her and also that one secret files art of her and Remy being friends is really cute

My concepts for what those 3 have been up to since SF3 up to SF6 time (kinda long?):

Sean: let's be honest, Seans been disrespected for years since his creation, both in-universe and out -he's been treated like a joke for a long ass time. I think he deserves some respect and that he should have become a really good fighter by this point in the timeline, with his own unique fighting style. I think that while him and Ken probably aren't on bad terms, Seans probably old enough to have stopped idolizing him and realized he wasnt really the greatest teacher. If he and Ken haven't spoken in a while I can see him being shocked at what the hells happening w him in SF6.

Alex: I think it's easy to just point at Alex and say "yeah after sf3 he became a successful wrestler yayy end of story" that's kinda boring to me. While he still could be a successful wrestler or whatever else, what I think would be most interesting is his relationship with Gill and the Illuminati from SF3. We know that Gill has an interest in Alex not only because he's strong and managed to beat Gill, but because of their blood relation as well. I can see Gill probably attempting to either win Alex over or force him to join Gills side because he needs Alex for one reason or another- the only problem being that Alex does Not fucking want to. One of the guys win lines after beating Gill was literally "I'm no good at making speeches, so I can't become God." Man does NOT care he did NOT ask. At some point I imagine it'd really just become "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TEACH YOU THIS LESSON, OLD MAN??" que fighting.

Remy: We know that in his ending, Remy tells himself he'll stop being vengeful and symbolically lets go of the past by literally letting go of his dead sisters body. Which is sweet and all but like. pretty much everyone we know of in his life is now gone or dead (most of the SF3 cast has other people in their life they can rely on, but Remy fr does not have Anyone) and Remy clearly has Issues. I'm not sure that a late teen/young adult with no one and pretty much nothing left to rely on in their life would really succeed at making a better life for themselves that easily. Even if he's not like, beating the hell out of people for catharsis anymore, I think he'd probably feel really lost on where to go in life. My reasoning for his Hypothetical appearance in SF6 would be either that a) HE NEEDS MONEY. b) he's maybe desperate to figure his life out so bad hes going back to fighting as a last measure. He'd probably be really embarrassed about it since he hated fighting so much and said he'd stop, but I think he can learn that fightings not necessarily a bad thing. It was a completely negative force in his life for so long that he couldn't think of it any other way before, but maybe he'd find more peace if he accepted that that wasnt true (maybe....have him get taught that....by all the other characters....who have positive relationships with fighting.....im just saying pls get this man some friends)

...also I didn't know where else to say this but I like to imagine the reason Remy speaks japanese (and assumedly french) in SF3 and never English is because he just. Cant speak English well at all. I think it'd be really funny if any time he spoke it he just sounded like that "my brother tries to speak English" video

[valeisaslut]

here val..😋😋💗💗

please help i’m trapped in val’s closet forced to make endless t-shirts. she said if i don’t make shirts im LUT. (Lesbian Unemployed TRASH). she only likes me for my t-shirts guys do NOT trust her

MIA. THIS IS DEFAMATION.

the typo that lives in my brain rent free now lives on a SHIRT with ellie’s judgmental beautiful faggot face and a moth logo like i’m in the lesbian illuminati.

but LUT. Lesbian Unique Treasure. yeah. i’ll take PROUDLY take that. but “only likes me for my t-shirts”??? baby if you weren’t stitching for your life in that closet then why were you moaning “val this design goes so hard” at 3AM while crying into a heat press???

BUT ALSO WHY DOES THIS DESIGN GO SO HARD??? like??? i’d wear the hell out of this. the lavender? gay. the font? gay. the moth??? spiritually gay. ellie? homosexual excellence.

@everyone: trust me. i only exploit the talented ones. shirts drop friday.

NOW GO BACK TO WORK. THE JULIA SHIRT WONT MAKE ITSELF. and do it fast before i downgrade you to Lesbian UNPAID Trash.

now serious thank you mia i LITERALLY love you. like actually. you are the funniest, most unhinged, most creatively cursed genius i know and i don’t even care if you bully me in the process. you make me laugh so hard my soul leaves my body and does a little jig. i hope you never recover from being iconic🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

we’re both L.U.Ts now. Lesbian Unhinged Team.

[girl-lostconnection]

Fun fact the drone helmet vaguely reminds me of a dog’s dead shape yk?? And what are Helldivers if not Superearth’s loyal and courageous attack dogs against the bugs, bots and squids. Anywho, which faction does reader usually go after when there isn’t a major order to obey? Would they usually fight on the bug, bot or squid front?

Either way, they’re all undemocratic and deserve it /j 

Jester, you brilliant madman, you are so right. I never actually paid attention to it specifically but now that you are saying…yeah, hell yeah it does.

And it’s so interesting that drone’s armour description also says that users noticed some discrepancies while being near technology.

On the topic of Helldivers being attack dogs, 100 times yes, they are trained like dogs, they are expected to achieve the goal or die trying, they are placed in ridiculous conditions and timeframes. And they still push forward no matter the cost of it.

Attack dogs/Dogs in general are a great analogy to the way Helldivers are.

Honestly from what I saw, it is pretty accurate.

There are these big menacing divers on 100-150th levels that always come down whenever there is an SOS beacon. Honestly these guys were super patient with me in my early days and helped me with many of missions. So they’d be the alpha dogs of the pack — quickly reinforcing, calling down supplies and actually sharing, waiting up for everyone and kind of carrying you by the scruff of your neck to extraction point. Love these guys.

There are cadets who just joined and god, do they resemble puppies who learn how to do everything. Including walking, seeing and shooting. No judgement though, we all were them. Mysteriously they are also the ones I can find on any mission. It’s like when you move the fridge and here he is, looking at you like you are the one who’s weird for staring.

There are packs of divers, teams that are alright tight-knit and they always dive down together as a pack. There are duos of divers, I call them bonded pairs in my head because wherever one goes — the other follows. They die together as well, most of the time.

But I got a bit carried away.

As for Helldiver!Reader they prefer to stay with bugs because these may be some really nasty bastards but at least they can’t wield a gun. Also they don’t resemble humans so just psychologically it’s easier for Reader to go after bugs.

No matter how many of those are there, they are the most alien looking, not humanoid in the slightest. And therefore they don’t invoke the same uncanny feeling Reader gets after getting through level 10 dive and looking around just to see bodies and bodies and bodies and bodies.

After a little too much time down on the battlefield, armoured Helldivers and bots start looking a little too much alike. It unnerves Reader, makes them feel wrong.

But illuminati are actually the missions they avoid most of the time. You see, bots may resemble humans. But illuminati WERE humans and after multitude of missions with them Reader makes a decision just to stray clear of that sector.

After all there are plenty of other Helldivers who prefer Illuminati to anyone else (let’s not think about divers who dive on a mission to their home planets and hometowns and who can encounter people they knew turned into mindless voteless hoard)

[co-mixed]

Secret Wars: Why Reed Didn’t Win

Disclaimer: This post is 100% anti-Reed propaganda and may or may not be sponsored by Latverian government.

Secret Wars is probably the most ambitious event in the Marvel Universe. Building the multiverse and the Ultimate for 15 years only to collapse it all, that’s a huge deal. And of course, Jonathan Hickman was there to see it through. With his tendency to rewrite the whole world order, we get a whole bucket of new mythology, and let me tell you, when it was first coming out, it wasn’t easy to keep all the new info in your head. Now though, that everything is released and cataloged, it’s just a matter of a free week. 

So we start...

We actually start with the Fantastic Four, Avengers, and New Avengers. Those are the three “homework” reads that you need to go through to fully dive into the Battleworld and its origin. New Avengers is the more important one here since it’s tied directly to the events of Secret Wars. And that’s really the one that I wanna focus on, cause… RICHARDS. 

This infuriating man is a part of the Illuminati (you’ve heard of them), and they reassemble in the face of a collision. Nay, multiple collisions with other worlds. As per habit, they choose to cover it all up and pretend that they know everything better than anyone else and get to make the calls. This was a collective work of Charles (with Beast taking over later), Strange, Stark, T’Challa, Namor, and Reed. Of course the whole ordeal stinks of Richards and Stark. It’s not the first rodeo for either and don’t for a second think that they act any differently than they have all the times before. 

The solution that this intellectual elite comes up with is what they call “the unthinkable”. Makes it easier to think about it (but not to do it). To save their world, they have to kill every world (meaning the universe) that 616 is about to collide with. We care very little for a random Earth-5786 or Earth-515151 so what’s the problem? Besides, most of the universes were already dead. But there comes a moment when 616 is about to collide with a healthy world where a group of heroes is fighting tooth and nail for survival.

As good storytelling demands, we get to know them before seeing them die. But that’s not even the point. There was a superhero fight, Strange pulled a rabbit out of a hat, but ultimately, the question stood of whether to kill that universe or await the end of 616. And no one could pull the trigger. T’Challa came up to the plate and said hell nah, Richards backed out (because someone else has to save his family, apparently), everyone refused to do it, except Namor. 

Which, sure, you can say he’s evil (and even list one by one all of his shady deeds), but if he hadn’t done it then, there would be no world to save. There would be no raft or Battleworld. Everyone would be dead (on both Earths). But that doesn’t sit well with heroes’ egos. Not with the way they see themselves, they all want to believe that the heroic sacrifice is better than the burden of knowing that you did the best you could under circumstances. 

They all question Namor and really, thank Doom (what, too soon?) Namor was arrogant enough to be able to justify his actions and even walk away. Even alive.

What’s Namor up to 

Namor goes to all the baddies, including Doom, and asks for help. Because it takes a villain to do the unthinkable. You know why? Because heroes don’t want to get their hands dirty. And in the year of our Doom 2025, we know well enough that you can’t remain clean if you want to get anywhere. But the Illuminati, for all their talk, are not just looking for an intellectual and classy solution. They know there isn’t one. So they are keeping themselves busy, trying to outsmart each other and trick the rest into doing the hard part. That’s not what all heroes would do, no. Some would die trying to save everyone, some would save who they can, but these… these guys were trying to save their conscience. And they did, while Namor was getting his hands very dirty alongside Thanos, his Cull Obsidian, and Black Swan (who turned out to be just a Doom cultist, go figure). 

Namor sent Thanos to clear every Earth that was on a collision course until there were only two left. We do care for the Ultimate Earth. 

Doom had other plans

Wouldn’t be fair to say that Doom orchestrated the whole shebang. Doom would probably say so, but we don’t have to believe them. Besides, we know that there was a grand design behind it all. And it included eventual destruction of all that is… was. Of all. Doom merely sped up the process and attempted to control it, which is really not a bad thing to do. It’s the same approach the Illuminati used only much more complex, layered, and clever. Don’t ever say Doom is stupider than Richards. 

Doom did save the world, parts of every world in fact. He did what never even occurred to anyone else. All the Illuminati wanted was to save their hides. Or die in a blaze of glory and live forever as heroes of the multiverse. Because if you’re a skeptic and you really peel layers of care for other people, wanting to save what everyone loves, standing for everything good against everything bad… When you take it all away, there is just saving yourself and all that you love. It just happens to be in this world. 

That’s why they kicked out Cap, that’s why he hunted them down. 

Back to Doom though, we want to give him a hard time for taking on the role of god. We probably even want to praise Strange for not doing it. But we can only really imagine what world would it be with Strange at its helm. Strange, or anyone else acting in anonymity under seven stamps of secrecy. 

The world Doom built was not ideal. Wasn’t even good, I mean, he made sure all his enemies were busy fighting for their lives. He even gave them all targets to aim their heroism at. There was always injustice, there was always someone or something to fight. What he didn’t take into account was villains. He gave them thrones but not a single one of them ever stopped eyeing his throne with envy. That’s villains for you, that’s why their Sinister Sixes and Frightful Fours never work out. It’s always a backstabbing festival, and Doom being god doesn’t change that. 

Not a single Richards in sight 

Doom hates Reed, which makes it hard to hate Doom. But for the most part, Reeds took care of themselves with their cursed council. So was it shocking that there were no Reeds anywhere? Not so much. It was actually a pleasant change. Doom did save Reed’s family though, the family Reed lost during malfunction on the raft. The family he claims he was ready to sacrifice worlds for.

I mean his raft was a great cover to pack all his family and a couple of extra bodies, and head for the hills to “preserve the human race” (didn’t even consider mutants or Skrulls — Reed hates Skrulls). He would’ve gotten on the raft himself (hello, genius!), would’ve packed Val there (again, genius), Franklin can remake worlds so that’s handy, and Sue… well, someone needs to cook for all the great minds? Okay, he was planning to stick her, Ben, and maybe Johnny as security crew. That was the great plan when he failed to save everyone. How is that any better than Nu-Earth, Reed? How are you any better? 

Again, he failed. And everything he did after when Battleworld started falling apart, was merely piggybacking on the idea Doom had with his far more vast resources (his son. Yes, he used his child as a world maker). And it wasn’t even all his idea. Really, he should’ve come to Valeria in the first place instead of running around hiding in secret societies. 

Reed didn’t win, he wasn’t a hero. He was just second. He got the time he needed to tackle the issue, he got what Namor and Doom both gave him. He failed.