#Grif freaking the fuck out

[0utpost-alpha]

One of my favorite moments from Restoration

[joltning]

thinking about ocd grif. that guy is depressed too actually. worst hoarder ever. id imagine he wants to be nice and clean and tidy but his ocd is like No…..and his depression is like No……. horrible………give that boy some dopamine…

[banamine-bananime]

sometimes i pace around gremlin-like and think about grimmons and how the best things about them that make them such a thematically good pair are on a razor-thin border from being the worst things that could make them Super Not Good For Each Other because sometimes they get so up their own asses and are so mean to each other and know how to make it hurt.

Do you know what i mean??? do other people think about this as much as i do. anyways i'm not going to explain myself better than that incoherent run-on sentence because my thesis is this long-ass fanmix about them letting their demons win despite loving each other a lot and having to break up to ~*work on themselves*~.

this tracklist with notes is in order from them being kind-of-mostly-together but dealing with their own issues individually instead of together to looking like they're maybe growing and starting to deal healthily and going to work... but not enough to increasing frustration with the relationship to breaking up to starting to get over it. i declare that they figure their shit out on their own and get back together when they're in a healthier place but this playlist is just the angsty part. spotify link and my artistique creative vision below the cut.

Embarrassingly specific Grimmons breakup fanmix

Alien Blues - each @ the other, wanting Officially More Than Friendship but afraid to commit and fuck it up

Was it the best you ever had?/Was it the worst? You'd never know/I try to tell you what I think and play it off like it's a joke

Surface Pressure - Grif issues, flashback to teenhood edition

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never stop, whoa/Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip 'til you just go pop, whoa, oh, oh/Give it to your sister, it doesn't hurt, and/See if she can handle every family burden/Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks, no mistakes/But wait, if I could shake the crushing weight of expectations/Would that free some room up for joy or relaxation, or simple pleasure?

Oldest - Grif issues

But I hid you in my room/When mom and dad were fighting/Back when we were young/Wouldn't let you hear too much/Yeah, I'm good at that stuff/Maybe growing up too fast/Was the only choice I had

When I Grow Up - Grif issues (fantasizing about getting away from home, and before being crushed into apathy and disillusionment that Actually Everywhere Sucks Just As Much by the military)

When I grow up/Just because you find that life's not fair/It doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it/If you always take it on the chin and wear it/Nothing will change

print(“i’m so tired”) - Grif issues

'Cause I'm so tired of being told that I can never want more/And I'm so tired of always fighting this mental war/When the cards are stacked against you, what can you really do?

this is how i learn to say no - Grif issues ("actually fuck everyone nothing matters and i can do what i want" realization era)

Fuck the apologies/Done being sorry for wanting the things that I want/I broke my back carrying baggage /For strangers who only ever did me wrong

I Wanna Be Software - Simmons issues

I wanna be, wanna be software/What will you find?/You can write me, you can design/You can make me however you like

Are You Satisfied - Simmons issues

My problem, it's my problem/That I never am happy/It's my problem, it's my problem/On how fast I will succeed/They say I'm a control freak/Driven by a greed to succeed

Grif issues

Cause it's my problem if I want to pack up and run away/It's my business if I feel the need to smoke and drink and sway/It's my problem, it's my problem if I feel the need to hide/And it's my problem if I have no friends and feel I want to die

Rät - Simmons issues (wanting validation from and consequent idealization of all the wrong dads places but eventually starting to say Fuck That)

I come from scientists and atheists and White men who kill God/They make technology high quality complex physiological/Experiments and sacrilege in the name of public good/They taught me everything/Just like a daddy should/And you were beautiful and vulnerable/And power and success/God damn I fell for you your flamethrowers/Your tunnels and your tech/I studied code because I wanted/To do something great like you/And the real tragedy is half of it was true

The Other Side of Paradise - Grif @ Simmons

I wish you could see the wicked truth/Caught up in a rush, it's killing you/Screaming at the sun, you blow into/Curled up in a grip when we were us/Fingers in a fist like you might run

this is how i learn to say no - Simmons (starting to deal with) issues (and grow a backbone)

Was it more appeasing when I was just pleasing?/This is how I learn to say no/Take your pretty words and go choke 

Cigarette Ahegao - Grif @ Simmons, semi-healthy attempt at dealing with issues and growth by talking about getting The Fuck Out of Here together

Someday, I'll leave the country/I hope to have you with me/Get wrecked on becherovka/Get fucked on smoke and wine/Someday, I'll have my own life/I'll leave this all behind

I Can’t Handle Change - their issues (shared by all of BGC tbh) getting in the way

Hangin' out where I don't belong is nothing new to me/I get tired, and I get sick, and then I lose the strength to leave/I can't handle change/I can't handle change

brutal - Simmons letting his issues get in the way

I'm so insecure, I think/That I'll die before I drink/And I'm so caught up in the news/Of who likes me, and who hates you

i need to be alone. - Grif letting his issues get in the way

I'm waiting for something to change/'Cause everyday just feels the same/It's getting harder to exist/I don't want to feel like this/I'm wasting my life on pointless things/I sometimes think/When does life begin

The Giver - each being a terrible boyfriend

He turns around when you're naked/Says "We should be friends" while you're changing/You nod, half-dressed, he says "It's for the best"

Problems - each @ the other while togetherish

Wonder why, when we both got problems/Why won't you help me solve them?/I love you, but you don't and this is how I cope

Daddy Issues - each @ the other for mistreating them instead of dealing with their own issues but 98% Grif @ Simmons because:

If you don't sort your daddy issues/I will up and leave you/And no one else will want you 

Between My Teeth - each @ the other pre-breakup

I’m too broken to fix you too/I admit it, I admit it/Oh! Please don’t lean on me/Cause I don’t want your heart between my teeth/I, I think I gotta leave

Sick of You - each @ the other during pre-breakup

I wish I never ever met you/Five years of mistakes I'll never undo/I'm not your medicine or your tool/Don't expect me to ever fix you, you, you, you/Every little thing always seems to be about you/Exercise your criticism then get mad when I'm through/You think your traumas don't affect a single person around you/I'm not your therapist or boyfriend, try and get the two confused

Miss You - each @ the other during breakup

I don't ever wanna see you/And I never wanna miss you again/One thing/When you're angry, you're a jerk/And then you treat me like I'm worth nothin

Oh No! - Simmons issues (and attempting to coach himself through the breakup with affirmations that he don’t need no friends)

I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly/I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna die/I'm gonna live, I'm gonna fly/I'm gonna fail, gonna die, die, die, die

You’re So Vain - each @ the other, immediate post-breakup bitterness

You're so vain (you're so vain)/I bet you think this song is about you/Don't you don't you?

I Blocked Your Number - each @ the other trying to get over breakup and anger

Stop likin me on instagram/Stop textin me at 6 a.m./I blocked your number bitch

Hi, It’s Me - each @ themselves trying to get over breakup

When I'm with you I have amnesia, I'm weaker than before/My stupid brain thinks that I need you, I'm eager to hurt more

Feel Better - Grif’s post-breakup sads

Cause someone loved me, someone fuckin' loved me/All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew/Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' learned something/And it felt better in my mouth than fresh warm food/I don't wanna feel better/No one's ever gonna love me like that again/I don't wanna get over you/I wanna sit with you in bed/I don't wanna feel better

Here - each, post-breakup sads

But honestly I'd rather be/Somewhere with my people we can kick it and just listen/To some music with the message (like we usually do)/And we'll discuss our big dreams/How we plan to take over the planet/Oh God, why am I here?

Hurt - each @ the other, post-breakup sads

I'm sorry if I hurt you/I'm sorry if it got that bad/I'm sorry I can't help you/Somebody should've had your back

Sweet Hibiscus Tea - each, post-breakup sads and Blood Gulch blues

You're already halfway out the door/And I've never looked so old/And I have never been so cold/And it is 85 degrees/I don't know what I need/There's lukewarm herbal mango sweet hibiscus tea/On the hot garbage pile in which I fucking sleep/The walls are empty it's so ugly I could/Burn the whole place down

Passive Aggressive - post-breakup bitterness

It took a week or two getting over you/But I love myself too much/To waste good years on bad love (waste good years on bad love)

Reflections - each @ the other, wishing the relationship had worked

I know you're sick/Hoping you fix whatever's broken/Ignorant bliss/And a few sips might be the potion/I tried to put it out for you to get/Could've, should've but you never did/Wish you wanted it a little bit/More but it's a chore for you to give

[petchricor-creates]

Final sneak peek of my fic Pieces of Him, coming soon to Ao3!

“The fire’s a’catchin’ and it’s time for some s’mores, damn it!” Sarge shouted.

“Yeah!” Caboose said, throwing his arms up. “What’s a s’mores?”

“Excuse me!?” Grif shouted. “You’ve never had s’mores!?” Caboose shook his head. “Dibs! Dibs on showing Caboose about s’mores!” Wash chuckled as Grif hurried over to the table with the makings, all excited now.

Wash watched as everyone got up and grabbed a stick and a marshmallow or two for themselves, Grif pulling his seat up next to Caboose to show him how, carefully explaining how to roast the marshmallow just right. 

Tucker sat back down beside Wash, holding out a marshmallow on a stick. “Here.”

“Oh, uh, thanks,” Wash said, taking it from him. He leaned forward on his knees, holding the marshmallow over the fire. There wasn’t much fire yet, but it was getting there. Tucker copied Wash, hovering his marshmallow a little closer to the fire than Wash was. “It’s gonna catch fire.”

“I know, I want it to,” Tucker said with certainty. “I like these babies burnt.”

“Of course you do,” Wash muttered. Tucker was odd, he always liked his food just a little burnt for some reason. Something about crunch, he had said a few times. Wash thought it was a little ridiculous, but he wasn’t about to argue. He was a grown man and he knew what he liked, even if it was weird as fuck. 

“Carolina, aren’t you gonna have some?” Donut said as he grabbed some for himself. 

“Um,” she said, almost looking nervous. “I dunno.”

“Something the matter?” Wash asked. 

“I, um,” Carolina muttered, shifting her feet. “Also, don’t know what these are.”

“Oh my god,” Grif said slowly. “This is the best day of my life, I get to show people the best thing ever made. Grab a stick, grab a marshmallow, and pull your seat over here lady, I’m about to show you some shit.”

Carolina laughed a little, making her way over to the table. “Fine, fine.” Wash smiled, glad to see her managing to enjoy herself. He knew all of this had hit her hard, so even a small amount of happiness made his heart warm.

“Hell yeah!” Tucker shouted as his marshmallow caught fire. He pulled it away, letting it burn a moment before blowing it out. “See? Perfect.”

“You’re so god damn weird,” Wash mumbled, shaking his head. “You and your burnt food.

“He likes his food burnt?” Simmons said, sounding appalled. “Tucker, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“It’s crunchy!”

“Freak!” Grif shouted. “Just say your mom never knew how to cook.”

“Excuse me!? You motherfucker, I will kick your ass!” Tucker shotued back, standing up. “My momma knew how to cook, you bitch!”

“Did your dad?” Simmons asked.

“No, but he never cooked, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Of course he didn’t,” Grif said, shaking his head. “That explains so much.”

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“Nothing, nothing,” Grif said, waving him off.

“Ugh, I just like the crunch!” Tucker muttered, making his way over to the table to make his s’more. “You guys are such bitches.”

“Sorry, I have standards when it comes to food,” Grif said. “I like it cooked correctly and uh, burnt ain’t it.”

“Then don’t burn your food, jackass,” Tucker retorted.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” Caboose shouted, pumping his fists in excitement.

“Caboose, shut the fuck up,” Tucker said with a laugh. “Jesus Christ.”

[leonardalphachurch]

made me think. does sarge think he’s normal? everyone else definitely thinks they’re the only normal one there but i feel like sarge knows he’s a freak. maybe sarge thinks it’s weird how much the others aren’t freaks. too normal. that’s fucking weird to him. season 5 sister also knows she’s a freak but 16-17 sister would think she’s the only normal one there yeah.

i feel like tucker is actually the most normal person there but only like. emotionally. tucker has bizarre shit happen to him but he himself is just a normal man. grif is also pretty normal internally but he chooses to be around the reds and around simmons specifically and no sane person would willingly hang out with simmons

[starshineandbooks]

Bottom of the river (long way down) chapter two

Pairings: Grimmons, Tuckington, Docnut

Rating: T

Summary: Some of the Sim troopers decide to talk with the kids. Shockingly, the kids have some feelings about this mess. Unfortunately, between Kai arriving and Simmons putting his foot in the mouth, there's a lot to deal with.

Warnings: cursing, timetravel, canon divergence, implied/referenced child abuse, Simmons Fucks Up

Other: If I missed anything, please let me know

If you would like to be tagged on the next part let me know

Word count: 3,647

Masterpost / previous chapter

-------

Grif prides himself on sleeping in. Which is what got him in trouble today when he nearly missed breakfast, and Simmons lectured him.

But he's not feeling it today, so as soon as he's shown up to enough things for Simmons to leave him alone, he goes to hide.

As he settles in his bed, he applauds himself on his hiding. If he's missing, who would think he'd hide in his room?

Just as he's really settling in, he hears a knock at the door.

Shit.

Grif stays quiet.

"Dad. I know you're in there. I just want to talk." Lani calls through the door.

Oh. Well, at least it's not a job.

Grif considers his options. But he figures any kid he raised will probably just do what they want.

"I'm coming in." She warns before coming into the room. She shuts the door behind her, though.

How polite.

"Hey." Grif says from his spot on his bed.

"Papa's looking for you." Lani inform him.

Grif groans. This must be Simmons's new tactic. Sending their daughter to get him to do work. "I'm not going."

She rolls her eyes. "I'm not a snitch. I wanted to talk to someone who's calm and ask what the hells are going on."

"Huh."

"What?"

"You're not freaking out. I dunno, seems like you might be after time-traveling backward and meeting your nervous wreck of a father." Grif shrugs. Though he can't help looking the teen over and wondering if she's hiding something.

"Nah, I had my freak out last night. Then I remembered it could be way fucking worse."

"Yeah, probably."

"I fully expect Kai to show up sooner or later, by the way. She had that look."

"The "I'm going to fuck shit up by trying to help" look?"

"That's the one."

"Fuck."

Lani laughs, moving to sit on Simmon's bed. She's wearing a kevlar undersuit this time.

Good. Those kids should probably have armor. Active warzone and all.

"So, what the fuck is going on?" She asks.

Grif laughs, looking to the ceiling. "Too much man. We got split up thanks to the Feds. Everyone not at the meeting yesterday is with the enemy."

"Yikes my dude."

"Right?"

Lani gives a lazy smile. Crossing her legs at the ankles. "Is papa avoiding me?"

"What?"

"He leaves anywhere he can when I'm around."

"Oh. Uh- Simmons dosen’t do well with change. Or girls.."

"Fuck he's weird."

Grif ignores the urge to defend Simmons. Which is stupid, because Simmons is weird. And it's not like Grif is in a position to defend him.

"He can be." Grif says as he glances to Lani.

She's got a fond look on her face, mostly.

"Hey dad," She says, "do you know anything about Felix?"

"Not really. He's some mercenary."

"Ew."

"Right?"

"I miss my kitchen." Lani frowns, "They won't let me use theirs."

"Why not?"

"They're homophobic? I don't know."

"What dicks."

Lani laughs again, "I also miss self care nights."

"Damn kid, is there anything you don't miss?"

Lani thinks for a moment and then grins. "I don't miss school. Like at all.

"Good I won't raise a fucking nerd."

"Do you know anyone who can help me get contraband?"

Grif looks at her, curious as he asks, "What do you want?"

"Face masks and nail stuff. "

"I guess I can ask around."

She smiles, "Thanks dad!"

Grif has a sinking feeling that he spoils the fuck out of his kid and that she can play him like a cheap kazoo. But that's for later.

Right now he has to figure out how to get the things she asked for help with.

He should also probably try to get Simmons to suck it up and talk to their kid but that's a goal for later. He needs more sleep before that.

"Hey dad?" Lani asks.

"Yeah kid?"

"Any advice on timetravel?"

"Say fuck it and live your life?"

"Yeah... of fucking course." Lani frowns, looking at her lap. "You're right."

Grif sighs. He knows that look.

The way her eyes fall to he lap. The furrow of her brow.

"What's wrong, kid?" Grif asks.

Lani startles, "What the hell makes you think something is wrong?!"

"Lani."

"I-" Lani stops and looks at him. He looks serious, like he cares. "Fuck. Fine. Just give me a second to get my words."

"No rush, kid."

Lani gives a slow breath. Her energy seems to recede. but she looks to her dad and she's not good at lying to him. She never has been.

She hates lying to him.

"I'm scared. I don't want to ruin the future... I'm scared I'm going to fucking loose someone... I'm just scared, dad."

"Oh... kid."

"And papa can't even look at me! I get that none of you have had us, or expected us. Okay? But it's bullshit that everyone else's adults aren't running away and mine can't fucking look at me!"

Grif realizes a few things in the span of seconds.

One, his daughter may have an attitude and confidence, but she's vulnerable to those she loves.

Two, Simmons has really hurt this poor kid by running away. Which is not okay.

Three, despite not having had a child yet he is already attached more than he expected.

And lastly number four, his daughter is scared. To fix this he's going to do everything he can.

Grif hopes his future self does everything he can for his kid. The girl seems wonderful.

"Lani... you know none of this is your fault, right kid?"

She laughs softly. Disbelieving. "Yes it fucking is. I'm the one who touched that stupid machine. They tried to pull me back and we all ended up here."

"Did you do it to end up here?"

"No."

"Not your fault. Sarge should have done a better job putting it away."

"I guess."

"Give me a few hours and we'll have a self care night."

"Promise?"

"Yeah kid, I promise."

Lani looks at him skeptically. And despite it all, there's trust there.

"Your friends really followed you?" Grif asks.

"Yeah... I'm really lucky with them." She admits softly.

Grif sends a message to his hookup for contraband to look for the self care night stuff.

When he turns his attention back to his daughter, he says, "Tell me about them.

So, Lani does.

She tells him how Ben is a guitar player and lead singer in the band and how the boy is loyal despite being a little dense.

She tells Grif about how smart Zach is and how he's practically the group mom froend.

Lani tells her dad about Cassie and how the girl plays bass, how protective she is of her friends... how Cassie is one of her two best friends that she'd do anything for.

Lani tells him about Aspen, who is camer than most of them, loyal and patient, intelligent ... how Aspen is her other best friend who is always there to listen.

She tells him about Violet, who plays drums in the band and softball, how creative the girl is.

And Grif just listens. He takes in all the information he can about the people his daughter obviously cares for deeply. He's grateful she's not alone, that she has friends who would follow her through time.

He's definitely interested in meeting the others, though, specifically Aspen and Cassie. The way her tone goes all soft when she talks about them compared to the others is- something.

-------

Tucker is not having a good day. Between trying to get things handled for his squad, his friends, and a hopeful rescue plan, he's very busy.

It's not until evening that he has any time to go check on the future kids. Mostly, he's going for his own kid, but he doubts that Caboose, Grif, or Simmons have really checked in and connected with the kids.

He knocks on their door, which has since had stickers put on it.

Huh. Where did they even get stickers?

After a moment, the door opens to Zach, whose long hair is in twin French braids.

"Oh, hey Tucker. What's going on?" The tall boy asks.

"Tell whoever that is to go away. We're busy!" Ben calls from behind Zach.

"I can come back."

"No, come in. It's a self care night."

"Okay?"

Tucker comes into the room and is taken aback. The sight before him is something else.

Sitting on the unclaimed bottom bunk is Lani and Ben, who have Clay face masks on. Between them is an impressive hoard of nailpolish and supplies.

Grif is in Lani's bed above the two teens, passed out with a clay mask and cucumber on his face. His hair is also braided.

Tucker wants to know how they got Grif involved but won't ask. Not right now, at least.

"Want a mask?" Zach asks as he shuts the door.

"Where did you guys even get this?"

"I asked dad real nice to help get it." Lani says. She dosen’t bring up the fact that she broke down a little. That's really not anyone's buissness.

"And he helped?" Tucker blinks, thoroughly disbelieving.

He'd asked Grif to help get extra jerky and was turned down because the other was tired.

"You wouldn't believe the favoritism." Ben chimes in.

"It's not my fault I know how the fuck to ask for things in a way that gets what I want." Lani says evenly, though she seems tired and like she might like a nap.

Zach dosen’t comment on that but the soft way they smile betrays that Lani might be exaggerating.

"Did you want a mask of not, pops?" Ben calls again.

"Sure. Why not." Tucker says, trying not to laugh.

Of course, Lani was able to convince her dad to do this. Why not?

Ben stands, "Come on."

He leads Tucker to the other bottom bunk, holding a clay mask jar.

Tucker pulls off his helmet and sits down.

Zach goes to sit with Lani, the two picking up a conversation about true crime podcasts. Both critique the murderes, which seems kind of weird.

Ben just sits down by his father. Opening the jar in his hands.

"You look tired." Ben says.

"I really fucking am, kid."

"Wanna hear about Junior in the future?"

"Fuck yeah!"

Ben pulls some clay mask onto his fingers and starts spreading it across Tucker's face.

"Well, Junior is pretty awesome. He writes home a lot, he graduated with honors."

"That my little man!"

Ben laughs. "He's not so little when I know him, pops. He's almost as tall as Caboose."

"Really?"

"I'll show you pictures later."

"Good. You better."

Ben just rolls his eyes playfully. He's smiling now. "Dad says you were always sentimental."

"Who's your dad?"

"Wash."

"What?!"

"You didn't know?"

"No. What the fuck?!"

Ben laughs, finishing the clay mask on his father's face. He looks genuinely amused.

"Keep it down, dad's sleeping." Lani calls over.

"That man can sleep through anything he'll live." Ben calls back.

"I had kids with Wash?!"

"Pops. What the fuck are you on? Who did you think my other dad was?"

"I don't know!"

"Oh my god." Ben groans, shutting the mask jar and wiping his hands on a stray piece of paper.

Tucker dosen’t know what to say. He had kids with Wash?

What the fuck?

"Did you break him?" Zach asks from the other bed.

"I don't know!"

Lani gives a low whistle, "Hot damn, Benny, what'd you even tell him?"

"That Wash is my dad."

Zach sighs, "Why?"

"I thought he knew!"

Lani just mutters something while Zach sighs slowly.

Ben misses not feeling stupid.

-------

Kai pushes herself off the floor with a low groan, vision blurry as she tries to figure out what is going on. Ugh.

She looks around and finds everything to be sanitized shades fit for a hospital. She hears beeping.

She's in a fucking hospital isn't she?

"Oh! Hi!" A feminine voice calls happily.

Kai pushes to her feet and looks to the woman. "Hi?"

"You aren't in armor."

"No."

"Are you from the same time as the kids?"

"Probably which kids?" Kai has her glare leveled, suspicious as fuck of this woman.

"Cassie Tucker, Aspen Church, and Violet Dufranse!"

"God damn it, why couldn't I be with my baby niece?!" Kai groans loudly.

All she wanted was to be with her niece. Well, that and to get to show off the thousands of pictures from the course of her baby niece's life!

Her favorites include one from a makeover Lani gave Grif when the girl was eight, homecoming where Simmons threatened the girl's date with Sarge as back up, and Grif asleep with Simmons and Lani on him when the girl was a baby.

"That's a greater question! I'm Doctor Emily Grey."

"Kai." The woman says, deciding she'll just show off the pictures later. Maybe she can subject Sarge to it?

"Let's get you checked out. Then we can get you reunited with those kids."

"A checkup?"

"Yes, of course!"

Kai dosen’t care and just starts stripping.

"Whoah- ypu don't have to strip this is not that kind of check up!"

"Oh. Really? Fucking weird." Kai shrugs, pulling her shirt back on.

Dr. Grey does the body scans and asks the usual questions about drug usage and sexual activity. It's not even in the top ten most fun checkups Kai has had. But that's okay.

Kai isn't surprised when Aspen comes in as the check-up is winding down. They are always on top of things.

It's really no wonder her niece likes Aspen so much.

"Hello, Kai." Aspen says as they come in.

"Hey bitch!" Kai grins.

Aspen just looks the older woman over. Their gaze dosen’t betray much of anything. They seem to he looking for an answer.

"You followed us," Aspen frowns, "Why?"

"My little Leilani was who knows where! I was obviously gonna follow your asses."

"Of course." Aspen says, sounding a little too fond for their own good.

Kai grins again, "Are you so pumped?!"

"I'm not sure yet." Aspen admits.

Unfortunately, this ends in a small trash fire, but that's not that bad. Thankfully, Aspen just hears Kai away. Wondering why they ended up with the woman.

They also mourn that Lani isn't here, their friend the only one who can fully handle Kai.

-------

Washington has done his best to avoid the future teens while still being a Good Commanding Officer. Which isn't that mature, but he has no idea what to do.

Teenagers are terrifying.

Unfortunately, his plan is ruined when someone bangs on his door at three in the morning.

Wash opens the door, thankful he dosen’t sleep much.

At the door stands all three teens, and an older woman who bears a resemblance to Grif.

"Why the hell did you bring me to a cop?!" The woman demands loudly.

Fuck. Wash can't help but wonder why the hell Kai is here.

"Holy shit." Wash manages.

"I need an adultier adult." Aspen says evenly.

"I'm not talking to a cop!"

"Kai. You know he isn't a cop." Cassie says.

"Future Wash isn't a cop, this one is!"

"Please help." Violet says.

Wash sighs slowly. He wonders what he did to God for God to hate him so much.

"I want a lawyer!"

"I'll be your lawyer. Just stop yelling." Cassie says firmly.

Kai looks to the shortest of the teens, considering the offer. But it seems to work because she grins, "You're hired."

"Great. Tell Wash the truth. You haven't committed any crimes, so there's nothing to hide." Cassie says quickly.

"You sure?"

"What would Lano tell you?"

"Wash ain't a fucking cop and if he was being difficult can get me arrested?"

"Yeah."

"I still want my lawyer present."

"I'm right here." Cassie says.

Wash wonders is Cassie has any knowledge on law. And does it matter? She's saving him a headache.

"Where are the other kids?" Kai asks after a moment.

"We don't know."

"You lost my fucking niece?!"

"She was never here."

"You're a really bad cop."

Wash wants to scream.

"It's fine. We're pretty sure she ended up woth her parents."

"Oh. Okay " Kai says. Almost immediately calmer.

"Okay?"

"Those two are dumb as hell and probably pining, but they'll keep my baby niece safe."

"Uh, great." Wash manages. He feels significantly less sure of things than he had ten minutes ago. And he wasn't sure of much then.

"I'm going to take Kai to our room." Violet giggles,"Aspen?"

"Sure thing."

Aspen and Violet lead Kai away. Ditching their friend with her father.

"Thanks for the help." Washington says after a moment.

Cassie just shrugs, "It needed to be done."

"How did you know that'd work?"

"Lani. She's uh- pretty fucking cool and she does that."

"Lani, huh?"

The way Cassie looks away even as she gives a lazy shrug is interesting.

Wash glances around, wondering what he's supposed to do here. He doesn't know this kid, like at all. But she seems to know him.

"Dad?" Cassie asks.

"Yes?"

"Do you know anything about the rebels?"

Wash blinks, trying to figure out what this kid is really aasking. Because he knows there's more.

"Not enough."

"Okay."

"Are you- adjusting okay, Cassie?"

Cassie laughs, and she sounds a lot like Tucker there. "What's to adjust too, shit is weird, and you guys are loud."

"You seem... okay? Like oddly well adjutsd."

"I'm just not dealing with distress, thanks. My method is to ignore distress and solve problems."

"That sounds- unhealthy."

"You're ignoring your mega crush on papa so you don't get to talk. "

"I- what?"

"Anyway, I have to go try to get ahold of the others now. Wish me luck!"

"What?"

Cassie just smiles too wide.

Wash sighs. "Cassie, come in here and talk."

"I'd rather not."

"Are you sure?"

"Look, dad, my brother, and two of my friends are God knows where. Hopefully they're with the rest of our adults. So I'm trying to hold it together."

"You don't have to. Your friends are here and... I mean, I don't know you, but I'm here too?"

Cassie just blinks at him, looking more than a little confused.

Wash dosen’t blame her, he dosen’t know who let him talk. He made it awkward. Of course he did.

Ignoring all his feelings about Tucker being the other father of his children, Washington wishes the man were here. The other is so good with kids.

A slow smile spreads across Cassie's face. "You're a huge fucking dork, dad."

"I know." Wash says, because it's easier than anything else.

She rolls her eyes, but she dosen’t snap at him or anything. Not that she's been too moddy latley but you never know with teenagers.

Wash wonders how he ended up with this kid. She seems like the best thing to happen to him right after apparently having a kid with Tucker.

"Hey... dad?" Cassie asks.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks.. for - treating us like people."

"You are people, though?"

Cassie just shrugs, "You know Sarge, and Donut is always trying to baby us."

"Oh."

-------

Simmons is not having a good day, and he is grateful Grif isn't in their room when he comes in after everything. All he's heard is his father's voice in his head running commentary on every minute detail and failure.

He knows he's avoiding his daughter, but he can't face her either. She's so much like Grif it hurts.

And he doubts he was a good father. He could never be a good father after what his own was like.

He can't face Lani knowing he hurt her.

But oh- how Simmons thanks any God who will listen that she has Grif's confidence and attitude. That she isn't a pushover that can be easily used.

He strips his armor off, settling to exist in only his kevlar undersuit.

Unfortunately his peace is ruined when the door opens.

Simmons groans, turning to see who's there.

In the door way is Zach who's carrying Grif, and Lani. He can hear Tucker and Ben bidding farewell.

Grif is asleep in Zach's arms.

"I could have carried him." Lani says.

"I know. You're exhausted, though." Zach says gently.

"Oh- hey papa." Lani says, eyes landing on Simmons.

"Hey." Simmons manages.

Zach moves forward, dropping Grif lightly into the older man's bed.

"I should head the fuck to bed, tell dad I say thanks again." Lani smiles.

"Uh. Sure?"

"Thanks, Simmons." Zach says, putting a hand on Lani's shoulder.

"Thanks papa."

"I'm not your dad. I'm -" Simmons starts but falls silent.

"Oh. Uh- yeah. I guess you're fucking not." Lani says, voice hardening even as her eyes look broken.

"I didn't- Lani I just- I'm not parent material. I'm not even your dad yet." Simmons says, trying to soften it, to make it better.

"Just say you don't want me, asshole."

"Leilani." Zach says, soft as he squeezes her shoulder.

Simmons is struck by how pretty bis daughter's name is. It must have been picked by Grif.

He frowns, "Lani I do-"

"Don't bother. You're not my dad, I fucking get it. I'm a big girl. I won't call you papa. Have a great fucking night, asshole." Lani seethes, but the way her eyes are glossy betray her. She's not mad. She's hurt.

Simmons watches his daughter storm out and is grateful that Zach follows her immediately.

He's really fucked up.

He hurt his daughter.

He does want her! He just- wants to be a good dad. And bases on what just happened, he isn't.

Grif is going to kill him. And he'll deserve it.

Simmons can't help the way his eyes burn with shame as he falls face first onto his bed. He wants to follow his daughter but he can't.

He knows he will make it worse.

-------

Tags: @the-team-sucks @dynamitelad

[rubykgrant]

(A Grif and Simmons idea, taking place while they were at Rat's Nest, that kept expanding and got WAY out of hand... but here is a small little section of it, because I find their arguments amusing~)

Grif takes a walk, heading toward the barracks where Simmons had been staying. He evidently had 3 other roommates, each with different and annoying sleeping habits that drove Simmons up the wall. Grif had heard these complaints many times, and had specifically NOT rotated anybody to other rooms (revenge for all the times Simmons kicked him out of bed when he just wanted 5 more freaking minutes of sleep). As he makes his way over, several other soldiers wave or salute him in the halls. Grif either ignores them, or gives a lazy nod in greeting. That’s all the emotional effort he can muster for anybody else right now. He has a maroon jerk to go yell at.

Grif finds the door. There’s a little laminated card (guess who insisted everything be laminated) stuck to the outside, with four names printed on it (hint; one of those names is the person who insisted on the laminating). Grif doesn’t even knock, he just kicks at the door.

BANG-BANG-BANG!

“Hey, Simmons! Are you in there? You better be in there. I’m not running around this whole base trying to find you!”

No answer… but Grif thinks he heard the sound of somebody moving around. Like, possibly somebody who had been sitting on their cot, got surprised by the sudden noise, jumped a little, and then slipped down to the floor.

“Simmons! If I really have to go LOOKING for you, I’m telling everybody I see along the way about that time you thought there was a snake in the showers, but it was just a stupid sash from Donut’s stupid bathrobe, and you freaked the fuck out, and-”

“How about I tell everybody about the time YOU thought you saw a bat in one of the storage lockers!?”

Well. That finally got a rise out of him.

“I DID see a bat! There was a bat in there!” Grif continued to yell through the door.

“It was a MOTH, Grif!”

“No, the bat ATE the moth! That’s what bats do! And then when they run out of bugs, they go looking for more victims, and eventually get a taste for human blood…”

“BATS AND HORROR MOVIE VAMPIRES ARE NOT THE SAME THING YOU IDIOT!”

“Simmons. Is that any way to talk to your superior? I thought you were a GOOD soldier,” Grif suddenly dropped his voice down into a mockingly polite tone. He knew it was pissing Simmons off in there; the combination of Grif sounding calm yet smug, and the knee-jerk reaction Simmons had to apologize to an “authority figure” kicking in no matter how much he didn’t actually respect the individual.

“What do you want?” Simmons asked after a moment, sounding sullen.

“Ah-ah! What do you want…?” Grif built it up more.

“What do you want JACKASS, I’m not calling you SIR right now…”

OK. Dang. Simmons actually sounded worse than sullen… he’d been alright while they were shouting at each other, familiar territory right there, but now that it had worn off, Simmons was- shit, was Simmons CRYING in there? Grif didn’t think he’d pushed the guy that far. This was freaking Grif out.

“Dude, seriously. You alright? I mean, I don’t wanna make a big deal out of it, but- where have you been? Are you sick or something?”

“I’m, uh- never mind. It’s nothing,” Simmons now seemed to be thrown-off by Grif’s concern, but still refused to open the door.

“Man, don’t make me actually pull rank about this. I can’t do the boring office shit without you, and I don’t want to be short-handed, or whatever responsible thing I’m supposed to say. Stop being weird, and tell me what’s up!”

[clocks-are-round]

random fic snippets

some will go into some of my works in progresses others may not have seen the light of day otherwise. this isn’t even remotely everything lol. most are from last fall or winter.

——

*after wyoming tells o’malley and gary that they were flirting on an open channel*

“no, o’malley, i’m not going to kill everyone here just because you’ve got a school crush.” Tex couldn’t hide the hint of amusement from her tone.

“it’s more than a— i mean— silence! all of you!”

“2… 1…”

“what’s that sound?”

KABOOM

(scrapped because i forgot wyoming was dead)

——

(meant to be part of the next fake psa)

carolina: being “chill” doesn’t mean putting up with abuse

sarge: what? nonsense! grif puts up with abuse all the time! exhibit a! *shoots grif*

grif: *yelps* godDAMMIT! I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS??

sarge: heheh. nope.

carolina: hm. he’s taking a lot of damage

sarge: between the armor and the blubber i might as well be shooting a nerf gun at him! They’re love taps!

grif: ow! fuck! owwwww *groans* more like airsoft

sarge: see? he says they’re soft!

simmons: uhhh yeah, please don’t try this at home, the gays on red team are just fucking indestructible

——

“Well, he wasn’t exactly nice, but… We were both lonely,” Doc said, rubbing his arm. “So in that way, it worked out. Even if we couldn’t stand each other a lot of the time.”

(caboose and doc bond over shared trauma on chorus fic. o’malley would probably be in it too, actually (factive not ai). i’ve got a bunch of snippet scattered in my notes for this one)

——

“Curiosity killed the c-word.” Caboose said, nodding.

Tucker blinked. “What?”

“Oh, it’s something my dad used to say. But people don’t really like when you say the last word, so I just say “the c-word”.”

“What are you talking about? Curiosity killed the cat.”

Caboose looked confused. Then stifled a laugh. “No, it’s a different c-word, Tucker.” He patted Tucker’s head.

“I know what the c-word is! You—“ Whatever. This wasn’t worth attempting to explain to him. Even if his pride was a little singed.

“That doesn’t even make sense. Why would you kill a cat? That would be awful!”

“Don’t you hate cats, though?”

“No, why would you think that?”

“Pretty sure you’ve said they make you angry.”

Caboose tilted his head, a few moments of rare silence. His face fell, “That’s a different thing.”

“Are you gonna explain, or…?”

Caboose shook his head. “It makes me upset. I don’t like feeling angry. I know it helps sometimes, but…” He fiddled with, “I don’t like it.”

“What, you can’t even give me the sparknotes?”

Caboose shook his head vigorously, his curls racing to catch up.

“Dude, you just made me more curious! I gotta know!”

Caboose usually let his words fall out like releasing an armful of bouncy balls. It was on a whim, kind of entertaining, and sometimes it was impossible to track it all. Now, he spoke slowly and carefully. “Some people do dumb things and innocent little guys get hurt.”

“What does shooting Church have to do with anything?” Tucker joked, hoping to brighten up the serious atmosphere.

Caboose didn’t respond and his eyes looked watery.

“

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“I said I didn’t want to think about it.”

(ohhh right. missing siblings was supposed to be the first chapter of a hurt/comfort tucker and caboose friendship fic post-o’malley. wow i had a lot more planned than i realized)

——

(WHAT. i forgot about this one, will definitely continue it. Carolina spends the day with the purple bois and they bond and pretty much over the course of the fic she goes from seeing neither of them to both of them <3 platonic heart not romantic. why doing seeing have so many freaking implications *shakes fist to sky dan vs style* english!)

“Well, Carolina, you’re probably wondering why we’ve called you here today.” O’Malley spun around on the swivel chair in an obviously premeditated pose.

Despite O’Malley being at the wheel, he. Weakness, she thought, before squirting the thoughts with a mental water gun. Bad. Old habits.

She didn’t know him nearly as well as the others— to be frank, she somehow forgot about his existence entirely— but he was about equally as harmless and insane as all the others. With the added bonus of twice the personality to get to know. The oddest part about that, from what she’d gathered, is that O’Malley was based on Omega, Tex’s AI. Even now, remnants of her father’s ever reaching bullshit popped up.

…

“I— If we could avoid existential crises that would be very good, thank you. I have enlisted your help for the purposes of evilll.” He tapped his fingers together like a cartoony villain.

“It’s really nothing serious or concerning at all,” Doc assured her eyebrow raise.

“Yes,” O’Malley cackled, “Just a bit of lighthearted evil. For old times sake.”

…

“Yes, well—“ O’Malley crossed his arms, “your involvement was heavily debated.”

Doc shrugged a shoulder. “You can be sort of a… buzzkill.”

“What?? Me, a buzzkill? I only intervene when you idiots are about to get yourselves killed. Sometimes not even then,” she muttered, “It’s inhuman how resilient you all are.”

“You tend to focus a lot on the competition part instead of the fun part.”

“I find competition extremely fun.”

…

“Uhh, I am chiller than I’ve ever been in my life. What’s the mission?”

“Yes, well— it is very evil—“

…

“—but not so

“You have no idea.”

“Er, no.” O’Malley admitted. “We’re drawing a creative blank, it seems.”

“We could—“ Doc began.

“No, you fool! That plan is pathetic and I’m embarrassed to share a brain with you.”

“Well, fine then. Jeez.”

——

(i remember at the time i was reminded of my least favorite part of the chorus arc and someone had said something about dr grey should face consequences for that and at bare minimum give a genuine apology)

“She chased me saying she wanted to try shock treatments and possibly lobotomy if that didn’t work.”

“It was a joke?” Dr Grey offered.

“I don’t feel comfortable being in the same room as her.”

“No one does,” Kimball muttered.

“Ok, so my bedside manner wasn’t the best. It never has been, but I’m the best— and this isn’t narcissism, it’s honest to god fact— I am the BEST doctor on Chorus. You can’t fire me over ONE complaint just because he’s vaguely associated with the heroes.”

“Two complaints,” O’Malley mumbled.

“And, hey! Wait! We helped save Chorus too! We were up in the space ship! And he helped fight Felix!”

“I did most of the work.”

“Well,” Kimball considered. “How about this. Dr. Grey, you can take the next few days off spending time with him— them?— and maybe get your head out of fiction and thrillers. Spend some time seeing them as an actual person. People?”

Doc stood. “Nope! No, fuck that! We’re not spending ANY time alone with her. Also, why do we have to be held responsible for her problems?”

“Yes, this is stupid!” O’Malley agreed, sitting down momentarily in order to also stand up in protest. “We just wanted to get her canned. Or sue her. Some sort of consequence for her gross misdemeanor.”

——

“Caboose, I am… eughh… I’m sorry for fucking your brain up so badly. If I could do it over I would at least consider physical torture instead. I was in hiding, but it could have been done under clothes where no one could see it.”

“Wow.” South stared.

“What do you want from me? To lie? I didn’t want to be recaptured by the project and the moron almost ratted me out on multiple occasions. I couldn’tve kept him quiet without torture.”

——

(context: takes place after the simmons’ mom visits iris fic i haven’t gotten around to posting)

“You know, I feel like I’ve really bonded with you girls. This has been fun. We should hang out again sometime. Or, just multiplayer together, that’s an option.”

Carolina stood, with a noticeable wobble. She outdrank them both, and by the look on her face regretted it. “Bathroom.” She said with a strained expression.

“That way, right, then left.”

Carolina stumbled off.

“And then there were two.” Kai waggled her eyebrows.

Imogen clung to her controller for dear life. “If I win this round, you have to stop flirting with me. Nothing flirtatious again.”

“That’s a pretty big demand. You’re my favorite billionaire milf. What do I get if I win?”

What was a big thing? It needed to be worth at least as much. “You will be my next of kin.” Pshh, she wasn’t going to lose.

(If Imogen won, Kai had to promise to never flirt with her again. Imogen bet successorship. Kai unplugged her controller and Imogen didn’t notice. She uh, she didn’t think she was being serious. Kai thought it was a joke document)

(how kai inherited a multibillion dollar company)

——

(ok so apparently there was supposed to be significantly more to the missing siblings fic. huh.)

“Hey, Church,” Tucker shouted, “get your butt in here!”

After a minute Church peeked in the doorway. “What do you want?”

“Caboose can’t remember one of his siblings and is freaking out.”

Church paused. “And what does that have to do with me?”

“I thought, you know, one person with brain damage to another.”

“I don’t have—“ Church snapped defensively. “I just… I had some trouble remembering things after the accident. It was temporary.”

“What happened?” Caboose asked.

Church stammered and cleared his throat. “The reason doesn’t matter.”

Tucker hid a smile. Cappy said he’d slipped on the floor and hit his head. Church was kind of embarrassed about it. Kind of an underwhelming wartime injury. He really wanted to give him shit, but if he did Church wouldn’t help him with Caboose. “He hit his head pretty hard when he got to Blue Base.”

“Ah, yeah.” Caboose nodded. “I hate when that happens.”

“What do you want me say?”

“I dunno, my brain’s fine. I was hoping you’d know what to say.”

“Fuck you. Uhh…” Church tapped his foot. “Ok, uh, sometimes bad shit happens and you can’t do anything about it. Sometimes people get hurt. Sometimes people die. Sometimes your girlfriend ditches you without any warning. That’s life. It fucking sucks. I definitely miss my body sometimes. It felt… like somebody died that day.”

“That’s because you did Church.”

“Yeah, I know, but like in a more

…

“You still are not very good at pep talks.”

“It’s not a pep talk it’s a reality check. This is your life now, so you just gotta deal with it.”

——

o’malley be like hmm maybe i shouldn’t set the bunker i’m hiding out in on fire… while i’m inside of it. after striking a match and not remembering where he left it

i’ll leave it at that haha. shared a lot more than planned. and still have lots more unshared

[gryphonanon]

… I didn’t want to be a freak.

… but that… fucking PARASITE…

… I’m sorry. But this is what I have to do.

… You’re free to go.

(… you wake up in a random part of the woods)

(… you can also move again)

— Kepler

*Grif carefully stands and stretches out his tense muscles. And then he realizes that his left wing isn't aching anymore. He unties the bandages and stretches his wing fully.*

*The Terminal heals all.*

*Grif runs before taking to the air. He needs to tell Carbine who Kepler is.*

[niqhtlord01]

Well howdy holy shit we’re still alive! 

Honestly it’s a bit surprising we’ve lasted this long in a world that’s either on fire, in the grips of a deadly plague, or about to be over run by giant murder hornets! 

Safe to say we need a break from all this violence and madness, by watching our favorite characters commit violence and go mad in another round of ROOSTHER TEETH CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!

Julian: *Hologram appears* Felix: Lieutenant Dan! You ain’t got no legs no more! Julian: Seriously? Felix: *Draws knife and gun* Couldn’t resist; it cracks me up every time.   ------------------------------------------  

Tucker: *Draws energy sword*  Jaune: So your weapon is just a sword?  Tucker: Hey! Don’t go talking shit about swords! Jaune: *Merges sword and shield to make claymore* I would never. ----------------------------------------------

Roman: *Walks in, throws cigar on the ground and stomps on it*  US: Awe, is the minor villain getting upset over their death? Roman: Remind me again, how many seasons you were in? Oh right, you barely lasted an episode. US: *Flips coin, turns to nano tech* Come here you clockwork orange rip off. 

----------------------------------------------

Cinder: *Levitates in on fire* Nemesis: Kill the copy. Cinder: I’m no ones copy. Nemesis: *Nano tech cloud flickers* You steal powers of others. Y-y-you use their p-power. You ar-ar-are a copy. KILL THE COPY! ----------------------------------------------

Nomad: *Walks in with wind blowing poncho* Sun: So if I punch you, will I get magic powers and wishes? Nomad: *Thinks for moment, shrugs*  Sun: *Extends staff* For my first wish I think I’ll make you crack a smile. ---------------------------------------------

Church: *Hologram appears*  Rufus: Computer disable hologram, I’m too busy for this nonsense.  Church: I’m sorry but I couldn’t hear that; could you try speaking without my fucking fist shoved down your god damn mouth!? Rufus: *Caliban activates and stands up* A violent hologram? Gods I can hear the 90′s calling all over again. --------------------------------------------

Toth: *Sheathes blade*  Locus: Do you fight for glory?  Toth: I fight for something much larger than petty glory.  Locus: *Activates stealth* Right answer.  -------------------------------------------

Blake: *Swings in* Grif: So If I gave you catnip is that like giving a minor drugs?  Blake: I don’t know if I should be more surprised or angry right now.  Grif: *Hefts bruteshot* If I put your catnip freak out up on youtube maybe I could make some of that sweet furry money; those sick fucks are always loaded. ------------------------------------------

Ironwood: *Walks in loading pistol* Caboose: Did you get your hand stuck in a vending machine too?  Ironwood: ....... Caboose: *Draws freckles* That’s okay, I really wanted those skittles too.  -----------------------------------------

Penny: *Super hero landing* Don: Well you’re no nomad, but one magical person is as good as another. Penny: Oh I’m not magic, I’m a product of science!  Don: *Draws sword* Science, magic, whatever; you are my meal ticket out of this hell hole! -----------------------------------------

Ruby: *Twirls scythe* Dr. Grey: I hear you have a nice set of silver eyes.  Ruby: Are you hear to take them as well? Dr. Grey: *Pulls out scalpel* In a manner of speaking.  -----------------------------------------

 Salem: *Grim part to allow her through* Valentina: So are you into kinky things or do you normally dress like that? Salem: I am a goddess of this world and you shall bow before me.  Valentina: *activates cloak* Kinky it is then. 

[dumbass-extraordinaire]

i wanna ruin our friendship

Summary: In which Dexter Grif has 99 problems, and all of them can be traced back to Dick Simmons (Grif pov, Chorus era)

    To Dexter Grif, Dick Simmons’ inability to drink more than two beers without getting drunk off his ass is simply a fact of life.  Another fact of life is that Simmons is a fucking horny drunk, despite having the worlds’ biggest stick up his ass when he’s sober.

    There’s a gay joke in there somewhere, but Grif has long since stopped seeing any humor in the situation, because whenever Simmons gets drunk, he makes it his sole purpose in life to get in Grif’s pants.  In any other context, Grif would be absolutely thrilled for Simmons to seduce him, but drunk Simmons and sober Simmons have several big differences: insane levels of repression, daddy issues, and internalized homophobia.

     As badly as Grif wants to take Simmons to bed and just fucking ruin him, he wants to keep his friendship more.  Because Grif knows Simmons, has known him for 15 goddamn years now, and he knows how the morning after would go.  Knows that Simmons would freak out.  Knows that he would hide and shut Grif out, potentially for good.  And Grif is not at all prepared to lose Simmons, so he keeps himself in check.  He does a damn good job of it, too.  Until he almost fucking dies during a mission on Chorus and gets drunk off his ass right alongside Simmons.

...

    Considering how often it happens, almost dying shouldn’t have shaken him up as much as it did.  Near death experiences are pretty much par for the course for the reds and blues these days, so Grif feeling all jumpy and tense because of one little bullet grazing his helmet makes no fucking sense.  He shouldn’t feel the need to calm his nerves with this planet’s shitty excuse for alcohol.  And yet, here he is, shakily nursing his fifth “beer”, though he uses the term in the loosest sense possible.

    The alcohol is buzzing through Grif’s system, leaving him feeling more relaxed and floaty by the second, when Simmons busts through the door of Chorus’ makeshift bar.  His normally pale freckled cheeks are flushed a rosy red and he’s got a look in his eyes that Grif knows all too well.  Simmons is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, drunk.  He’s drunk and headed towards Grif.

    This is not gonna end well, he thinks distantly.

    And then Simmons is right fucking there, sliding onto the stool next to him.  The redhead props himself up on the counter, head tilted and eyebrow raised in a half-smirk.  He’s looking directly at Grif and, oh shit, he is way to fucking drunk to deal with this right now.

    “Hey,” Simmons says in his I’m-drunk-and-trying-to-seduce-your-ass voice that never fails to make Grif’s stomach do somersaults.

    He is waaaaayyyyy too fucking drunk for this.

    “Hey Nerd,” he responds, “What’s a guy like you doin’ in a shithole like this?”  He knows he sounds flirty, but as long as he doesn’t let it get any farther than flirting, he doesn’t think indulging himself a little will do much harm.

    (The sober Grif of tomorrow morning could not disagree more.)

    “I’d offer you a drink, but I think you got that part covered,” he continues, cocking an eyebrow at the nerd.

    Simmons giggles at this. He fucking giggles. “Et tue, brute?” he asks playfully.

    “Simmons, we’ve been over this, I haven’t read that Jimminy Cricket shit,” Grif throws out.  

    He knows that it’s Shakespeare, but annoying Simmons is more fun than being right.  True to form, the nerd sputters indignantly, and for a minute the tension in the bar is alleviated.  Then, Grif makes the mistake of making eye-contact with Simmons.

    Ooohh fuck.

    The temperature of the room feels like it’s gone up by at least ten degrees, and Grif’s face is on fire.  The fucking nerd is giving him a look and he’s so goddamn close, what the fuck.

    He feels a slight pressure on his thigh and, he glances out of the corner of his eye, yep that’s the nerd’s hand.  On his thigh.  Simmons’ hand.  Oh fuck, oh shit.  He gulps, and he’s pretty sure the entire bar can hear him.  Then Simmons leans in, or maybe Grif does, and then they’re kissing.  Simmons’ lips are chapped and he tastes like shitty alcohol, but it’s Simmons and he’s kissing Grif and holy fucking shit.  His chest is burning and he feels like he’s going to spontaneously combust right fucking there and then.  He wants to do this forever, would die a happy man if his life ended this very second.

    Like all good things, the kiss ends way to soon.  Simmons pulls back slightly, though he’s still close enough to bump noses.  Grif should really stop this right fucking now, make up a shitty yet plausible excuse to get out before any more lines get crossed.

    Instead, he goes and opens his big fat mouth, “Hey, do you, uh I mean, maybe we could get out of here?”

The End.

[donut-entendre]

AVGHD things that give me serotonin but probably evoke different emotions in people who are not me (gore, body horror, questionable dietary choices, animal death, minor character death under the cut)

♡ Donut just walking around with a huge giant fresh injury that would normally leave someone dead in hours for. SEVERAL weeks. Like it means nothing to him

♡ Immediately after the previous, Donut making Locus drop him off in the woods somewhere, wandering off, and coming back HOURS later with some random large animal and covered in blood that certainly isn't the animals nor his. Does not explain the blood ever. Still is 'missing' like half his body mass.

♡ The picture in his Moms (plural) house of him as a child, human-shaped mind you, absolutely RIPPING into a horse. Child Donut is covered in blood and horse guts, but he's wearing a party hat, so?

♡ At some point Donut doesn't have enough meat on him to maintain a human form so he's just some horrible octopus chilling in his helmet like some kind of hermit crab. He drags it behind him like an octopus with a coconut though

♡ Locus checking on Donut because of the whole extremely injured thing from the first one, seeing the fucking eyeglow when Donut looks at him, then slowly leaving without saying anything

♡ Locus' singular raised eyebrow when Donut claims to be on the carnivore diet and that's why he keeps eating birds he swears

♡ Everyone who Locus has contacted about Donut's strange behavior being like that's just normal Donut behavior stop freaking out man but it Most Certainly Isn't

♡ Donut acting like he won't take off his armor because it's Rude but actually it's because his body decided it's a shell now when he wasn't looking

♡ Grif and Locus just taking turns carrying the helmet crab around like it's normal

♡ Wash just barely managing to restrain Sarge from flirting with Donut's moms who are 100% just as unhinged

♡ Donut straight-up forgetting that he's supposed to be injured and just putting all the meat back

♡ Donut is literally a catboy. He was a cat and now he's a boy. Sometimes he makes cat noises for fun and also bc he's a furry

♡ Locus accidentally becoming a horror movie monster's sugar daddy (whoops!)

♡ Sarge not giving a singular fuck about Donut being both capable of and regularly considering killing the reds for fun and profit bc 1) he didn't and 2) ATTA BOY GO. KILL! VIOLENCE!

♡ Caboose comparing humans to peanuts in Donut Perspective Explanations and Caboose is also the only one who really gets that Donut doesn't think like how a human does/would (other than Wash)

♡ *points at the Donut family photos that have a cat but no kid and then a kid but no cat and also one of his moms are missing a digit now* You Know He Bit A Finger

♡ Grey successfully flirting with Donut's moms for The Details on what the hell he is. They're very flattered and Science Mom is very happy to have someone to talk to that understands the science jargon

♡ Temple & co. breaks out of prison like ohh nooo I'm such big threat and you're separated from your little flock oh woe is you! and Donut literally just kills him. it takes no effort at all. He rips that mf apart like a a tasty tasty crab in his little armored shell

♡ casual "OH HEEEEY GUYS" *flesh is literally sloughing off* *has. so many extra fleshbits growing* *dropped from the ceiling creating the Creepiest Possible Greeting he could do*

♡ Everyone thinking he fucking murdered Sarge and really he just locked him in a utility closet with a blindfold over his visor. Also in handcuffs. 1st time in the whole thing where he's like OHHHH IM GONNA KILL HIM THAT PINK BASTARDS GONNA GET HIT-

♡ Caboose being the first one to get Donut to actually sit down and talk. Achieves this with food offerings and hugs. Wash is the 2nd but he doesn't get Donut to talk on purpose it just happens

♡ *walls dripping with blood, growing flesh, piles of UNSC armor trapped in piles of just meat* "Oh yeah I've been exploring a new decorating style"

♡ DONUT BASTARD ARC... meat bastard... he's just hungy okay

[prvtbugsbuggins]

10 - Purple Heart [2/3]

for @whumptober2021

Chapter link -> HERE

Trigger warning for: Comas, long hospital stays, hospitals in general.

Prompt: Hospital

Summary: Caboose may have survived a serious injury, but still has yet to wake up.

----

Carolina’s world was numb as she watched the orderlies fight with Tucker over Caboose. Caboose was still, not breathing, but Tucker didn’t want to let him go. It took Simmons and Grif to hold him back and let the hospital workers do their job, taking Caboose away on a stretcher and rushing him into the hospital. Epsilon hitched a ride in the suit of one of the retreating nurses, promising that he’ll do all he could to help. Simmons stumbled out of the pelican to sit on the ground, radioing everyone else to tell them the news.

Tucker was still sobbing. “He’s dead…” He moaned, going limp in despair. “I can’t...I…”

Grif grabbed Tucker firmly by the shoulders and shook him. “He’s NOT dead! Get a hold of yourself!”

“Fuck you, lardass! You saw him! He wasn’t fucking breathing!”

“ He’ll be okay . The last thing any of us need, is you freaking the fuck out and keeping the medics from doing their jobs.” Tucker seemed too stunned to reply, staring off into the distance as he tried to get his breathing under control again. “Caboose is unkillable, I’m telling you. He’ll be fine.”

Carolina didn’t know what to say about that. She knew where hope got her before, it was better to be realistic. What she wasn’t prepared for, was to see Wash running up to the helipad, and stopping to look inside. There was enough blood to paint a room red, and Wash could put context clues together when he saw that Caboose wasn’t there.

“What happened?” He asked, voice hushed and fearful.

And once again, Carolina had to break his heart.

-----

The waiting room was so crowded there weren't enough chairs to sit. Some stood, like Wash and Carolina, some took up whatever space they could on the floor, and others huddled together, talking in quiet whispers. It was mostly the Reds, Blues, and Caboose’s squad taking up all the space. Many other people tried to come in to wait as well, but had to be turned away due to the lack of room. If there’s anything that could be said about Caboose, it’s that he’s well loved. Loved enough that someone was streaming up to date news from somewhere in the hospital, as the city waited to see if one of their Heroes would live or die.

Andersmith especially was taking things hard, sitting in the corner with his other squad-mates, sniffling tears and hugging each other. Most of the room’s occupants were sporting bandages on their arms, reminders from when Dr. Grey ran in and asked for blood donors. Most everyone volunteered, but only a couple were matches, but it was enough for Grey to be happy about the volume she managed to get.

She vanished back into surgery, promising to give an update when she could. It’s been hours already, and Carolina doubted they’d hear anything other than ‘sit and wait’. Eventually it got late enough that most everyone was kicked out, leaving only the Reds and Blues. Grey knew she couldn’t kick them out, because they would fight her on that, so she was forced to let them stay and hog up the waiting room.

Everyone was starting to get anxious the longer the time dragged on, finally being broken when Grey strolled in through the doors, still splattered with blood.

“Hello everyone!” She said, grabbing everyone’s immediate attention. “I have some good news, and some bad news. I’ll tell you the good news first, Captain Caboose is alive.”

Tucker opened and closed his mouth, struggling for a moment to string together a sentence. “How? He wasn't breathing! He probably lost all his blood! How could he still be alive after all that?” In the background, Grif muttered a quick ‘told you so’, before being slapped on the back of the head by Sarge.

“I can answer that.” Epsilon, the smug little bastard, projected himself out of Grey’s suit. “Did you know just how much extra shit was crammed into this guy? Dude had augmented lungs and a heart. He literally could go without oxygen for a stupid amount of time and survive. Still got all kinds of fucked up, but ten bullet holes, a punctured lung, and massive blood loss wasn’t enough to outright kill him, apparently.”

The room was dead silent to let that sink in. Grif however, was basking in the fact that he was right, for once. Carolina took a breath to ask the question everyone was thinking. “How?”

“Caboose is a Spartan.” Wash murmured from his place at the wall, staring off into the darkened windows in the waiting room. “That’s how.”

“No way, no way that someone as dumb as Caboose can be a fucking Spartan.” Simmons pointed out. “He drank gasoline for a year! He believes in sock stealing gnomes!”

“Do you know any other seven foot tall men who are built like a brick house and can flip a tank over with their bare hands?” Wash raised an eyebrow. “Not to mention, seventeen sisters?”

Simmons promptly shut the hell up.

“It’s true,” Donut piped up from his seat. “I’ve seen his scars. Those aren’t normal. Sometimes he’ll talk a little about his ‘school’ and I just...kinda put things together.”

“Same with me,” Wash agreed. “I’m surprised you didn’t figure it out, Tucker. He was getting medication for his scars from you.”

“Look, everyone has scars. I wasn’t about to ask him about it! Command just sent them over and I gave it to him, that’s all.”

“Hot damn, Blue team had a Spartan this entire time, and still got their asses kicked by ours truly? Red team supremacy once again shows its prowess in the face of impossible odds!”

“Shut up Sarge, not helping!”

“So,” Carolina raised her voice a little to stop the bickering before it could start. “Caboose had augmentations that let him survive being ventilated with bullets. What’s the bad news?”

“Well, it seems that he slipped into a teensy, weensy, little coma.” Grey could only shrug. “He’s still not out of the woods yet, but if he survives the night, he has a higher chance to wake up again. There’s nothing else we can do but leave the rest up to him.”

“Caboose will pull through, we promised him a party and even with someone with memory problems, he’s not going to forget that.” Tucker couldn’t help but snicker a little. “He’s not going to want to leave his ‘best friends’ behind anytime soon.”

“Ooo a party! Looks like it’s time for me to bust out my planner!” Donut seemed excited, already deciding that his friend was going to be okay. “I’ll plan it all out, no worries, a party for just us! If anyone else shows up, we’ll just have to beat them off!”

The room groaned.

“Now then.” Grey clapped her hands together to draw attention back to her. “Now that he’s stabilized, I can allow a few visitors. Only one at a time! He needs his rest after all! Who’s first?”

Wash jumped up before anyone could say anything. “Me.”

“And me!” Epsilon looked at the surprised faces In the waiting room. “What? I’m going to monitor the medical equipment in his room. I kinda need to be there so nobody fucks it up.”

“Sure Church, just to monitor things. Yeah.”

“Shut the fuck up Tucker! It’s not like that!”

“Bold of you to say that to a person who saw what you did on that flight back.”

Epsilon’s avatar sputtered in anger, voice overlaid with static as he looked to Washington. “Please, for the love of god, grab my chip before I jump in his suit, armor lock it, and turn off his air.”

Wash sighed.

Caboose laid there, still and pale among a mess of IVs, wires, and beeping machines. A heated blanket was pulled up to just under his arms, hiding most of his bandages from view. A few traces of white criss-crossed just under the collar of his hospital gown, letting one know the full extent of his injuries. An Intubation tube was put in, his chest rising and falling with each press of the ventilator next to him. His eyes were closed and bruised, and if it wasn’t for the machines and paleness, he would have looked like he was just sleeping. It was unreal to see such a large man look so small, dwarfed by the medical equipment surrounding him.

Wash swallowed the lump in his throat at the sight.

On the table next to the bed, was Caboose’s helmet and Freckles, already cleaned. Figuring that was as good of a spot as any, Wash inserted the Epsilon chip in the helmet. The visor flashed on for a brief moment, before the small avatar manifested itself once again. Epsilon gave Wash a nod, and leapt into the bulk of the machinery around the bed, integrating himself fully. He wouldn’t admit it, but Wash felt a little better that someone would be here to watch Caboose at all times, even after everyone else would get kicked out after visiting hours.

He pulled up a chair and took the hand of the arm with the least amount of inserted tubes, and held it. Caboose always liked friendly touching, often wanting to hold hands or sit leaning on someone. The latter wasn’t always possible, due to his size, but everyone on both teams have held his hand here and there. It always made the man smile, beaming like a sun beam in pure, innocent delight.

He used a thumb to trace the back of the downed soldier's hand, hoping that he could feel the soft touch wherever his mind was currently at. He glanced at the clock, It was barely 1am...Caboose would need to stay alive for the next six hours to have the best chance of survival. He couldn’t be here the entire time, most everyone else would want a turn to say hello. He might as well get his done with before he got forcibly dragged out of the room.

He pulled up the file manager in his HUD, scrolling through a folder marked [For Caboose]. He selected a PDF that has hasn't opened in quite a while and brought it up to his HUD. He looked over the words within, and while still holding the limp hand in his, began to read aloud.

“ One day in summer Frog was not feeling well.

Toad said, ‘”Frog, you are looking quite green.”

“ But I always look green,” said Frog. “I am a frog.”

"Today you look very green even for a frog,” said Toad…”

-----

Against the odds, Caboose made it through the night, much to everyone’s relief.

He still wasn’t waking up, however, nor showed any signs of life besides the beeping of his heart monitor. Grey had told them that he just needed his rest and that eventually he’ll wake up. They just need to be patient and wait.

Half the team wouldn’t know what patience was even if it bit them on the ass. It wasn't a rare occurrence for Carolina to pass by the room, only to hear the visitor inside quietly plead for Caboose to wake up. No amount of pleas were going to do anything, but Carolina understood the thoughts behind it. Tucker especially was the most distraught, Caboose and himself were the only ones of the original Blue Team left. He spent as much time as he could in the room before being forcibly removed, and even then would mostly be found asleep sitting up in the waiting room.

The hospital room looked like the inside of a florist shop by the time the rest of the base finished visiting. The room was an explosion of color, and there were so many flowers and cards that new shelves had to be put in to hold them all.

Once it came out that Wash was reading him bedtime stories, everyone else followed suit. The local library became crammed with power armor as the Reds and Blues competed over who could find the best book. She never thought she’d see the day where she’d see a group of grown men fight over a copy of ‘Goodnight Moon’, but here it was.

They all got swiftly banned from the library once guns started coming out, so they turned to pirating books off the internet in an effort to entertain themselves and Caboose. It was unknown if he could hear them, but Wash was adamant that if anything, he could feel their presence. Sarge didn’t bother to read anything, instead regaling tales of battles in his youth where he fought off a hoard of damn dirty Blues, but not Caboose, because he counted as an honorary Red.

Despite their efforts, it was still disturbing to see Caboose so still and silent. He was always moving, twitching, stimming, doing something . He couldn’t stay quiet to save his life, yet he never responded to any forms of contact. All he could do it seemed, was breathe. Eventually he was moved off the ventilator and into a standard oxygen mask, but he was still comatose.

It was a week and a half later when Caboose wearily opened his eyes right in the middle of Tucker reading ‘Go the Fuck to Sleep’.

“Caboose?” Tucker whispered, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

Caboose tried to move, inhaling sharply when he went too fast. His hand blindly reached out before grabbing Tucker’s in a hard grip, obviously seconds from panicking. His eyes darted around the room, glassy in confusion before eyeing the numerous needles stuck into his arms. He jerked, trying to move away, but only managed to shudder in pain and squeezing Tucker’s hand hard enough to pop the bones within.

“Woah woah!” Epsilon projected himself over the bed, ‘standing’ in the air in front of his face. “Don’t move. You are in a hospital. You got all kinds of fucked up. But you’re safe now? Alright?”

Caboose stopped trying to move and slowly released Tucker’s hand from his death grip. He closed his eyes, taking in deep breaths and wincing as he calmed. “Ow…” He rasped. He could barely get above a whisper in volume and both AI and soldier had to strain to hear it under the muffling of the oxygen mask and hiss of oxygen.

“Yeah, I know buddy.” Tucker winced sympathetically. “I bet you feel like shit, eh?”

He got a soft nod in reply, each movement marked by a wince and a gasp.

“I already pinged a nurse, they’ll be on their way.” Epsilon stated, turning around to scrutinize the pain pump attached to the IV drip and started tweaking it slightly. It had an obvious effect, Caboose sighing and relaxing on the bed once the machine clicked, grip slackening a little more as relief crossed his features.

“There.” Epsilon seemed satisfied. “That’ll help. Now, if you get up and rip your stitches, I’m going to be pissed, got it?”

Caboose nodded again, eyes half sliding shut again. It was clear he wasn’t going to be able to stay awake for long. Luckily, a nurse appeared, handing Tucker a cup of ice chips and a spoon, and went over to check the machines.

He ignored the spat that started between Epsilon and the nurse over who got to fuck with the equipment and turned his attention to Caboose. “Thirsty?”

He lazily nodded in response and went to fumble at the mask on his face, but was restricted by all the wires and tubes.

Tucker found himself being the one to pull it down to the side, and feed Caboose little spoonfuls of ice as fast as he dared. He did not like the sound Caboose made when he had to breathe on his own and did his best to get at least some hydration into the dude before he fell asleep again. His throat must be awful, and he seemed to look better with each bit of ice. Tucker got a beaming smile for his efforts once the cup was empty.

“Thanks, Tucker.” Caboose mumbled as his mask was being put back in place again. “Feels better.”

“I’m glad,” Tucker chuckled in response, reaching down to hold his hand again. “You gave us a scare, ‘Boose.”

“mmmhmm.”

“Don’t do that again, alright?”

“mmhmm….”

“Okay, get some rest. You got to get better for your party, remember?”

Caboose smiled before slipping back into sleep, looking finally alive. He didn’t look right without that big dumb grin on his face. Tucker let go of the hand to tuck him in a little more, making sure the heated blanket was evenly spread. When satisfied, he put his helmet back on, tapping the comms to relay the good news to everyone else.

It was time to get a party together.

----

I SAID HE WASN'T DEAD! Epsilon is totally tsundere but he really does care about Caboose.

Of course once Caboose gets out of the hospital, he has a great big party. The whole base is just a big party and he eats so much cake and he gets a hideous homemade trophy made of random stuff welded together (cause i doubt they could find an actual one in a warzone so they made one) but he loves it all the same.

Wash was reading from one of my favorite book series, Frog and Toad by Arnold Lobel. Something tells me Caboose would have adored that series and it was one of mine growing up. Wash reads it to him a lot :,3

[banamine-bananime]

the forum werewolf game ever. of all time: day two

Start reading here!

Lopez immediately starts pissing off Simmons, apparently for shiggles. 

Simmons:

Tucker is pointing at Wyoming and screaming GUYS THIS GUY IS AN ALIEN. OR LIKE. HE’S AT LEAST JUST VERY OBVIOUSLY A BAD GUY? WE NEED TO KILL HIM.

Wyoming responds with essentially “Hmmm, Tucker, why do you keep talking about aliens? Is this some sort of distraction, perhaps? Rather suspicious behaviour…” and several other people are like yeah Tucker that is pretty weird. Why are you talking about aliens.

Tucker: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT ALIENS. THE ALIENS ARE RIGHT THERE IN THE WRITEUP. WHAT THE FUCK?? WHY ARE YOU ALL PRETENDING NOT TO SEE THE ALIENS.

Other mod getting in his daily bonus fanfic:

Players react, some with gifs because they understand the assignment:

Lopez is beefing with anyone and almost everyone while grumbling about no one listening to him or understanding his sarcasm or logic and feeling sorry for himself.

Things slowly start to take a turn towards intrateam violence over in Blue Team. While Church is like (heavily paraphrased) “yeah Tucker, that Wyoming guy is definitely an alien, or at least working with them” and Vic and Church are pointing at each other like “Yeah! this guy gets it!”, Caboose does not understand why Church and stupid Tucker are being mean to Wyoming and does not like all this buddy-buddying with Church - this is NOT how his best friend is supposed to be acting 🫤🤨. Caboose:

Church:

(OH BOY. DOES NOT YET KNOW JUST HOW MUCH SHE SHOULD DISLIKE IT.)

I show up after a busy irl day of completely slanking from all mod duties just to note that other mod did them:

Tex is being quite taciturn but analyzing steadily and efficiently. Big “staking out her suspects patiently and stalking her target silently” vibes tbh.

Simmons also calls the Tucker-Church-Vic contingent suspicious, but also agrees with them Wyoming is suspicious, so this comes across as a “you’re right but fuck you anyways, blues” kind of situation. Also calls out Lopez for “keeps randomly saying my name for no reason” (sic) (lmfao. Simmons: “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING ABOUT ME, LOPEZ, BUT I KEEP HEARING MY NAME AND I DON’T LIKE IT.”)

Wyoming reacts to all this suspicion being hurled at him, privately in wolfchat:

Tex is like Ya’ll keep saying Church is acting weird. That’s just Church. He’s always a freak:

Church:

Simmons voice (re: Church): “she keeps going against all logic!!”

Simmons and Church continue sniping at each other in circles ad infinitum like (heavily paraphrased) "Simmons if you think Wyoming is one of the aliens then WHY THE FUCK are you voting for me?!?" vs "I literally physically cannot vote for Wyoming, jackass, do you understand that??" vs "YES OBVIOUSLY BUT WE’RE ALSO OBVIOUSLY NOT WORKING TOGETHER YOU CAN’T THINK WE’RE BOTH ALIENS WHAT DO I HAVE TO SAY TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU SIMPLY ENOUGH THAT YOU CAN UNDERSTAND IT???"

meanwhile, simmons being a hater in his role PM: "Night 1.1: Block [Church's player]". Mod: "You have retroactively blocked [Church's player] during a secret night no one knew was happening and no one did anything. Congrats, you ****ed up the timestream. Was it worth it?" Simmons: "Maybe???"

Grif comes to Simmons’s defense but mostly just because he wants to argue with Church:

Tex stands calmly in the blazing argument between villagers, completely ignoring it to instead call out a flying-under-everyone-else’s-radar wolf for being quiet:

Church ignores this because he’s in the middle of an argument with Simmons dammit:

Grif: “I'm just really thrown by how little sense [Church] is making this game”

Simmons calls Church “illogical and hysterical”

Tucker ignores this argument to get back to work on killing Wyoming

Simmons and Church continue verbally beating the shit out of each other going around and around in the same circles. Other people increasingly ignore them to agree that hey, Vic’s acting pretty weird, huh?

Caboose and Church get into a fight over Church wanting to vote Wyoming and Caboose wanting to vote Vic. Church:

Things spiral rapidly to them pointing at each other like “HAH alien!! You thought you could pretend to be [Church/Caboose] and fool me???”

(LMFAO O’Malley standing in the background like muhahaha yesss bloody infighting)

Caboose and Church deeply heartbroken that direct teamkills via voting aren’t enabled

(Will they find a way to teamkill city despite the odds against them?? Stay tuned!)

Doc’s diagnosis: “Caboose could be an alien? Or maybe Church? Or maybe neither? Sorry, my scanner’s not the clearest. They’re definitely not both aliens though :) !”

Tucker is coming around to agreeing Church has definitely been replaced by an alien, Church is not happy about it, and they’re getting into a sarcastic tiff over it:

Wyoming privately thinks the sim trooper infighting is hilarious and tries a bit of reverse psychology warfare on Caboose. Caboose is concerned that innocent Wyoming is falling in with a bad crowd:

Caboose promises to start eating hats if he’s wrong on this (he is):

Church is too angry for this to be enough he needs people dying if he gets misvoted:

Tied with Vic, Doc (there had been very little conversation on Doc idek why people are voting there. Poor Doc. Feels very IC to have people tryna throw him out for no reason), and Lopez to be voted off, Church starts getting… uh… weird in strategies to make people vote elsewhere. I think Church’s player didn’t even know why she was saying these things she just blacked out and Church’s angry spirit started screaming through her, seance-style. She’s vagueing about important role powers that will prove her village as soon as she claims them and also that will make everyone sooooo sorry if they vote her, just you wait and see!!!11!11

Several people LOL at this and tell her to put her money where her mouth is. Tucker’s player thinks the whole situation is p hilarious and compares this to how Church’s player is known for just, doing braggadocious shit that gets her caught as the imposter in Amongus with the confidence of someone that knows they’re not the imposter (I love her so much).

Church continues his Righteous Crusade against Simmons and Wyoming as if he has any sway and half the thread isn’t coming for his head. And also, uh, vagues having powers to “strong arm” the vote????

Literally I cannot begin to explain why she said that. Lying about having a very unusual role that would be a fairly wolf-skewed one (more beneficial for wolves than villagers so more likely to be assigned to a wolf) seems suboptimal for proving you’re village. I think she was just that full of rage and panic that she made up a thing to “blow up the whole goddamn world” with. God bless.

Church: Hey Sheila, remember the last time you FUCKING KILLED ME FOR NO REASON?

Sheila: Church, please, that was a long time ago. Let’s not hold grudges :)

Church: Was it a long time ago??? WAS IT, SHEILA?????

Coincidentally, the picture we had chosen for the day two vote tally posts:

Next: day 2 close

[riathedreamer]

You asked for it: live thoughts from Ria and @creatrixanimi​ watching RvB Zero.

So, after having a movie night the day before (third movie night in a week, actually, we are very productive) watching Neil Breen movies and “Cool Cat”, it was now time to touch upon Zero. Sadly, Zero does not belong in the “so bad it’s good” category, but alas, Ria had to spoil Haley’s innocence.

This is not a proper edited review, but just snippets of our live reaction while watching the thing together. We are not drunk, but this continued way past midnight for Ria, so maybe her brain isn’t fully functioning. Also, Ria is a potty mouth because cursing is easy when it’s not your native language. Enjoy.

Episode 1:

Ria: I can’t figure out if they were trying to do a Grif and Simmons parallel with those two random guards talking outside, the ones with the Wash retconning.

Haley: Their armor doesn’t cover their noses. 

Ria: That’s gotta be cold. Frostbitten noses.

...

Haley: There is no exposition. Like, it feels like the writers had their idea and know what is going on, but we don’t so it just feels weird and random. It feels like a Marvel movie.

Ria: Is that a compliment? I haven’t watched Marvel.

Haley: Not a good one.

 ...

Ria: This episode isn’t that bad in itself. But it’s just there to establish that the OG characters can’t beat this new villain, but the new guys can, and, urgh.

 ...

Episode 2:

[The shot focuses on One’s behind.]

Ria’s dirty mind: Ass.

 ...

Ria: STOP CALLING HIM DAVID.

...

Ria: I like this character, but I don’t remember his name.

Haley: Raymond.

Ria: This is why we need a name system like with the Freelancers and states. Should’ve just been numbers all the way through. Except Eleven, you fucking whore.

 ...

Haley at the sight of Raymond’s phone: It’s so big.

Ria: It’s the future. I can believe it.

 ...

Ria: Here’s the thing driving me crazy. Axel is a normal name in Denmark. But like, only old people use it. I know two Axels and they are both older than eighty. So that’s when I think of when I see Axel.

 ...

[After the whole training montage where we are introduced to the characters, we are still confused.]

Ria: I can’t remember their names.

Haley: Well, they didn’t show all of them. They didn’t show One.

Ria: They did!

Haley: They did?

Ria: Wow. So we got all that tell and no show, and we are still confused.

 ...

Haley: When it comes to genre, it’s actually not that bad with the narrated tell and don’t show. If it wanted to be a cheesy/bad action movie, that’s a trope that’s used relatively frequently in the genre. It’s a bad action movie. But it’s not RvB. It’s kinda like a particularly bad Marvel movie.

Ria: You’re really not selling me on the Marvel movies tonight.

 ...

Ria: I know I’m just a sucker for Joe, but I keep thinking of s15. Like, here they just use the files as a cheap way to introduce the characters. But like, in s15, Dylan just read out loud Grif’s file, and it was not to introduce him, but like, to show the complexity of the characters and go against the files? I don’t know, it just seems way cooler now.

 ...

[After the whole “what’s East’s deal” scene, we were so confused. Literally paused for five minutes trying to figure who was whose dad and why and what. How many daughters did Axel have? And where are they? We were just lost. Future Haley: Him waxing poetic about his daughters while watching the two girls in his team train confused me like I thought he was talking about East and One and couldn’t count sdfghjk. Future Ria: I’d even watched the show before and I was still confused.]

Ria: I can’t figure out if they’re too fast or if we’re just stupid.

Haley: It’s like I’m trying to remember the details but it all slips through my fingers.

Ria: The whole Zero experience is to feel too old for this shit.

 ...

Ria: STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM DAVID

 ...

One: This is how it’s done, grandma.

Ria: Fuck you.

 ...

Episode 3:

Haley: People would like it if they love dumb action shows. It works as a mindless action show.

 ...

Haley: So this is a temple?

Ria: I hate the worldbuilding. Is this the same planet as before? Like, Chorus had temples, but it also had lore about it. Is this the same sort of temples?

Haley: So shouldn’t this temple have its own key? Why do they need to include Tucker? It makes no sense for the temple to require a totally different sword from a different planet.

Ria: So they could beat him up ‘cause OG characters are weak now.

 ...

Haley: I don’t like the training scenes. They are so long and boring.

Ria: This is like the third episode where they are training. Holy shit.

 ...

Haley: It’s not that bad. But if you like Red vs. Blue, it’s not something for you. They aren’t really comparable.

Ria: I just don’t understand what they wanted to continue for Red vs. Blue. Like, it’s not the worldbuilding or the plot or the characters. I just don’t get it.

 ...

Haley: Raymond is the best character.

Ria: I like Raymond.

Haley: He’s RvB. He should be the main character.

 ...

Ria: Did East just use the “I’m not like the other (girls)” line?

Haley: I don’t like her. She’s a brat. Why did Carolina have to apologize? They were just training, this is something she’s gonna have to deal with on a daily basis lmao.

Ria: Didn’t Carolina have a cast on her arm? It’s gone now. I can’t keep up with the timeline. So, she’s healed, but how long was Wash gone? They are so vague about everything. Worldbuilding, timeline, motivations.

 ...

Ria: …Did Carolina just say she’d suit up? While wearing a full armor suit?

 ...

[And this is where the cursed part takes place. To talk, we’d often pause the thing. Here, I randomly paused during the introduction for Starlight Laboratories. There’s a desk in the shot. With a fucking marker on it.]

Haley: That’s a Crayola marker. That’s a Crayola marker on the table.

Ria: Glad we can appreciate the details by pausing.

[Haley then missed the entire Axel flashback scene because she was too busy looking up pictures of Crayola markers. When this is revealed, Ria lost it for like, three minutes]

Haley: I had that marker as a kid. 

Ria: So 4/5 stars for the marker?

Haley: They were supposed to smell like blueberries or something but they just smelled like chemicals.

Ria: This is the most excited we’ve been about Zero so far.

[Future Haley: I was literally laugh-crying you dont understand. This was the best part of the show.]

...

Episode 4:

Ria: They all have super powers. It’s so weird.

Haley: I keep thinking they are gonna explain stuff. But they don’t. So I’m just confused.

 ...

[Haley has now brought forth all the markers in her room to find a Crayola one. She drops them all on the floor. Ria loses it again.] [Future Haley update: I found a yellow one it smells like lemons :)]

 ...

Ria: They are all glowing and have super powers. It’s weird. Like, I know we had super powered armor before but that was all connected to AIs. I don’t get how all of this works. They don’t have AIs.

 ...

[We both agree that we enjoy Raymond and Tiny. Bless them.]

 ...

Ria: It’s weird. The dialogue is so oblivious, it comments on its own mistakes. Like, Carolina just acknowledged Wash has had a computer in his head before. But they don’t acknowledge the whole canonical lore about his trauma regarding computers in his head and why he’d hate this. Same with the name David. They just noticed that it’s his first name and that’s how they’d show how close Carolina is with him, but they didn’t acknowledge the canon lore that Wash dislikes people using his first name.

 ...

Episode 5:

Haley: Why didn’t they use Locus’ sword instead. It’d make more sense. He’s the one travelling around planets and wanting to help people?? 

Ria: What’s the worldbuilding here? Is Tucker on the same planet? Is this Earth? Chorus?

 ...

Haley: Gotta love it when they make Tucker hit on teenagers.

Ria: Oh god why did they make East 18.

 ...

Haley: They should have done something with the Warthog song, even if that’s a Red Team thing.

Ria: I miss Red Team.

 ...

Ria: Wait, so if these three swords are connected, why can the two first ones move by themselves and they have like super powers connected to them? When Tucker’s sword is just boring? They didn’t even make a joke about how the two new swords are longer than Tucker’s.

 ...

Tucker: I’m fine, I have my sword.

Ria: That line is so tragic in hindsight.

 ...

One: It’s Tucker. He is dead.

Carolina: Oh my god.

Haley: *laughs her ass off*

 ...

Haley: I don’t understand why anyone is doing anything.

Ria: Your brain is still thinking about that fucking marker.

 ...

Episode 6:

Ria: The dialogue did it again! Wash just said “amazing medical tech”. Like, he points out a plot hole. Because that amazing tech can heal brain injuries and bring people back from death, but East had to be tortured for years to heal her vague illness? Like, why couldn’t their amazing tech fix that.

 ...

[While watching the design of the temple.]

Ria: It looks like those are just plates glued to the wall. Dinner is served.

 ...

Haley: There is no logical reason why they brought in Tucker. His sword isn’t even from this planet.

Ria: To lure in fans.

 ...

Haley in a very sad voice: The speech wasn’t good.

 ...

Episode 7:

Ria: Is all of this happening on the same planet? They keep driving. The worldbuilding is so weird. At least earlier RvB made a joke about how they could just drive everywhere. This is like a big desert, a training base, laboratory, city and temples and Tucker’s workplace, and I don’t know if it’s even on the same planet.

 ...

Ria: Diesel is just standing there waiting while they outfit Carolina.

Haley: It’s like a video game.

 ...

Ria: The temple’s walls are filled with runes.

Haley: It feels like a free/bought asset. It doesn’t even look like the temples on Chorus. It looks like something in WoW or something like that.

Ria: It’s driving me mad. I can read runes! Imagine a big boss fight and the freaking alphabet is plastered on the walls. That’s what I’m looking at.

 ...

Haley: Zero is such a boring villain. It’s not interesting when we don’t know what this “power” actually is or what he wants to do with it.

 ...

Ria: That’s the helmet Spencer wore.

Haley: Oh god I forgot about him.

Ria: So did the writers.

Haley: Spencer should have been the real villain.

 ...

Haley: *sees the random model of the temple guardian alien* I miss Santa.

 ...

Episode 8:

Ria: The aliens are just dancing in the background while Carolina is fighting Diesel.

Haley laughing: Oh my god, they are. They are just jumping up and down.

 ...

Ria: So, the villain just turned overpowered, and the solution is that Raymond just flicks a switch we haven’t heard about and now the heroes are overpowered too?

Haley: It just makes them shiny. And like... they don’t even use the “power”, they don’t fight him with their powers which only some of them have, they just shoot their ordinary guns at him while doing unnecessary flips.

Ria: I just remembered Church’s dick switch. That had more dramatic buildup.

 ...

Axel: You’re too cocky for that.

Ria’s dirty brain: Cock.

 ...

Post Zero thoughts:

[Ria returns from bathroom break and Haley is proudly showing off her marker over video cam.]

Haley: There was too much going on so I just focused on the marker.

Ria: So how many stars would you give it?

Haley: It’s really bad.

Ria: How many stars for marker representation?

Haley: Three out of five. It was only there for a second.

 ...

Haley: In the beginning, it wasn’t that bad. It was dumb, but also fun and sorta cool. But then it just went on for too long and they didn’t explain anything properly and it stopped being fun really fast. But I can see why some people might enjoy it. Like, you’d love it for its action but only that. Not for plot and/or the character writing.

Ria: I think my biggest problem is the worldbuilding. They kept everything so vague because they didn’t want to connect, not really. Like, where is this happening? When? Why are Carolina and Wash there? Like, the motivations for all the characters were so vague as well.

 ...

Haley: Raymond was great. He had personality and some good lines. And he felt like RvB. Like, he used his brain and actually got shit done, but he also wasn’t over-powered. He followed a similar character arc to what the Reds and Blues had. He sucks at fighting but he’s efficient and smart in a practical way with his rocket launcher. He does the most and he doesn’t stop being a goofball! Even Zero was focused on stopping him the most at the end. And he didn’t need to do any stupid flips.

 ...

Haley: The borrowed assets annoyed me. It ended up looking stupid, like, the temple felt more like fantasy than science fiction. And nothing like Chorus. And normally, RvB doesn’t have to worry about being cohesive because all of the designs are from Halo so it all makes sense and it’s connected. But this is just so random it feels distracting, I feel like this is a big reason people felt that Zero was so jarring… but on a subconscious level. It just felt off and there was no cohesive design. Also everything looked like it was made for video games and not modified at all for the show.

 ...

Haley: Honestly I was optimistic at first but then I got confused really fast and it kept getting worse because it was so fast. They didn’t explain stuff properly or at all. Like, they made it too big. Should have been smaller. I thought going with the “Starlight Labs is evil and needs to go down” plot would have been A LOT better and would have tied together multiple aspects of the story that the temple plot didn’t.

Ria: If I had the power which I don’t, I dunno, but I if the main point was to introduce new characters, I’d keep them tied to lore and worldbuilding we already know. So we don’t get so confused and it doesn’t feel so disconnected. Like, I’m still in love with the idea that it should have been Carolina on Chorus dealing with these soldiers who have been fighting all their lives and now don’t have to do that anymore. But maybe Chorus still needing an army, and that’s why she is training it. I don’t know, but like, familiar, build on what we know. And then they wouldn’t be superpowered, but like, just competent-ish but normal soldiers and we’d get to know them better, but I just think Zero just wanted them to be these super cool soldiers even better than Carolina so they could pull off all the fight scenes. ‘Cause it’s all Zero has going for it. The fight scenes. It’s its strength and weakness ‘cause they sacrificed everything else to look cool. And it does. But it’s boring and there is nothing else going on.

 ...

Ria: I’m still so annoyed about the temples. Why are they there? Like, on Chorus it was a big thing, also plotwise, but it had lore connected to it and the worldbuilding explained it. So, where are these temples? A different planet, right? Is it the same aliens? Are people just cool with the temples? Why haven’t they been explored before. Chorus made sure to explain all of that.

 ...

Haley: The West and East scene-

Ria: Feast.

Haley: Confused me. ‘cause West didn’t really regret anything. He just said why he did it. And then all of the sudden East forgave him and rejoined the team. It was so weird. He doubled down on the thing she hated him for so much I was like “Wow he’s kinda an asshole” and then all of a sudden she was on his side? What?

 ...

Haley: Zero does its job if you want action and nothing else. And it’s not RvB. Don’t watch it if you like RvB. And I just want to acknowledge that we are nitpicking. Quite a bit. I’ll admit that. But, I wouldn’t nitpick the other RvB seasons the same way because the old RvB never took itself seriously the way Zero did.

Ria: I agree. We are nitpicking. But like, that’s why we have the movie nights.

Haley: But we are also allowed to criticize it. You can do that with any season. And with the other seasons, you could nitpick it and you can find stuff you don’t like, but there are always stuff you do like or that other people like. I just can’t find anything about Zero that I like. Besides Raymond.

Ria: Yeah. Like, I really love 15. And it had so many flaws people pointed out. And when it comes to criticism and Zero, I just don’t see many points about why people like it. They are allowed to do that though. But, like, we could have a movie night where we watch the Chorus seasons and we’d nitpick so much because we both have issues with it, but there is still so much stuff we’d still like.

Haley: I like Raymond though. He’s like Grimmons lovechild.

Ria: No. Fuck you. Don’t put that in my brain.

 ...

Haley: Raymond being in this… I want to say it feels like the Freelancers seasons but if Grif was part of the team or something. But that’s just “Hit and Run”. *laughs*

Ria: NO! That’s cursed. Shut up. Also, the Freelancers were way better written.

Haley: And those seasons made better sense.

Ria: And like, the Freelancer seasons did the thing with change of tone and have these new and super cool characters and fight scenes. But they kept half of the seasons to be around the Reds and Blues so we still had the humor and the dumbasses, and Zero just, it didn’t connect.

 ...

Haley: So, I have some thoughts on Zero.

Ria: I know, you fuck, I had to write them all down by hand.

Haley: I like bad movies, actually, but Zero didn’t stay fun, so no, I didn’t enjoy it.

 ...

Ria: Do you forgive me for making you watch Zero?

Haley: Yeah.

Ria: What should we watch next?

...

Also, Haley dressed up her dog for the event and you all deserve to see her:

[noridal]

Do you want me to call it brogurt?

Fandom: red vs blue

Rating: Mature (nothing graphic)

Word count: 1483

Ship: Dexter Grif/Richard Simmons

Characters: Dexter Grif, Richard Simmons, Franklin Delano Donut (brief appearance), Sarge (mentioned)

Summary:

Grif steals Simmons' special yogurt shortly after Sarge turned the poor guy into a cyborg.

Now please enjoy, and I'm deeply sorry for what you're going to read.

.

.

Grif couldn't stand that shitty floating rock anymore.

Either that shitty canyon or that shitty maroon soldier's attitude. That was getting even worse than the new rookie's behavior. He only remembered his name because it was Donut, god fucking damn it, and he loved donuts. But Donut? That guy was an idiot.

And yet Simmons was more annoying than that dumbass. How he managed that was unknown to Grif, and it bothered him since Simmons was the only thing about that place he could barely stand at all.

The whole yogurt thing was getting out of hand. Snacks in general had a sweet spot inside of Grif's heart, and if one told him to not eat something, they could be sure Grif would've stolen it the next second.

But with that crappy, tasteless-healthy-yogurt for Simmons' new diet it was different: no one would've ever wanted that watered down jelly milk. Plus, Simmons had it sent directly from the base after Sarge had turned him into a cyborg, and the fact that he was the only one Grif was able to stand granted him the disgusting snack privilege.

That until he found out Simmons didn't eat any of it.

He would check the fridge everyday for a midnight snack, and each time the number of yogurt cups would be the unaltered. Except for that last friday, when they suddenly disappeared. When he confronted Simmons about it he just replied "They had gone past the expiration date"

Grif simply couldn't stand that bullshit. He should've expected that Simmons cared about a useless thing such as the expiration date, but letting it even reach the made up date was the worst thing Grif could ever imagine.

He was bragging about it on a summer afternoon with Donut, right after Simmons and Sarge had left to raid the blue's base or some stuff like that.

"I can't believe Simmons threw that away! I hate him. He's a freak, know it all, pick me shithead-"

"It sounds like you think about him a lot" Donut pointed out.

"What? No! I only care about the food he's letting rot away in the fridge" he grumbled, turning toward the middle of the canyon.

The sun was high. It was really hot, and he was getting really sweaty. He just wanted to take a nap, but he would've needed a shower. And with a shower came a celebratory snack for not being seen naked in the common bathroom.

"I can't believe he'll just throw it away tomorrow. It's disgusting food, but it's still food"

"Did you check the expiration date?"

"Of course I did. That shitty lactose free thing lasts barely a week. Yet Simmons didn't touch it"

"Then eat it yourself"

"What?"

"I think you should. He won't eat it anyway, right? If you really want it I think Simmons won't mind that much"

Grif thought about it. The post it notes or the fact Simmons pointed out nearly each morning how his yogurt was off limits were all indicators that he cared a lot about it.

But Grif liked Donut's version way better.

"Perhaps you're right" he mumbled back, giving Donut a side glance.

"Tell me if Sarge shows up. I'm going to the kitchen"

Next thing he knew, Grif was opening the fridge, removing the note that said "DO NOT TOUCH-SIMMON'S PROPERTY" in big, bold red letters and crampled it in his hand. He didn't even know they had a red marker laying around, but probably Sarge had gotten rid of all the blue ones.

He let himself fall in the couch with a cup and a spoon in hand, opened the container, and stared at the white substance.

Then he ate it, and it was a terrible yogurt. He would've never expected to say something like that -but it probably WAS expired. He emptied the cup, trashed it, and swore to never steal it again.

No wonder Simmons would let it rot. It was disgustingly tasteless. And the consistency was way too watery.

In short, he hated every single spoon of that stolen snack, and tried his best to forget about it for the rest of his miserable life. Attempt that was short lived, since not even an hour later Simmons was storming in his room, while he was laying in bed doing nothing.

"You did WHAT?" He yelled, throwing at him the empty cup with a look in his eyes Grif had never seen before.

"What, you picked it up from the trash? Ugh,"

"You know that wasn't the plastic bin. But this is not. The point."

"what, you wanted to make sure it went in there? What even is the big deal, Simmons? It tasted like crap anyway"

"God please tell me you didn't actually eat all of it"

"If you really cared about it I wouldn't have done it. Blame yourself for that"

With that, Grif rolled around in his bed, finally facing Simmons. He looked the palest he'd ever been, and even from his bed Grif could see his sweat rolling down his forehead.

"Uh, I think I shouldn't have done that. If it makes you feel any better, it was the worst yogurt I've ever had in my whole life"

"Cause it wasn't yogurt," Simmons mumbled in a small voice.

"What?"

"It. Wasn't yogurt"

Grif blinked, then sat up.

"What do you mean?"

"God damn it, don't make me say it"

"Say what?"

Suddenly Simmons' cheeks were red, and Grif was actually worried about what he had done. His guts twisted and cramped, and for the first time in his life he actually cared about knowing what he did put in his mouth.

"I-I can explain, but uhm, you..."

"I what? Cut it, Dick"

"Fine! You ate my sperm" he blurted out.

Grif brain shut down. He couldn't think. For a solid second he hoped he was going to die right there.

A stroke, a lighting, anything was better than what Simmons had just said.

"I needed it checked after what Sarge did to me. It was the only way I could use the fridge without everyone asking about it"

"You- You fucking put your jizz in a yogurt container?!"

"What? No, I-" Simmons voice cracked, then he paused, trying to put together a coherent sentence.

"for the love of god, Grif, don't say it like that!"

"What the hell, Simmons, do you want me to call it brogurt? Would that make you feel better, uh?" Grif mocked him, actually trying to make himself feel better in some sort of childish way.

"Why didn't you think of putting a warning on it? Lock it away? Anything like that?"

"I did, and you just ignored it"

Fair point.

"But-"

"Grif, let's just... Forget about it, okay? I'm sorry. But I beg you, please don't tell anyone"

Grif looked at him, slowly nodded, hating the fact he wasn't feeling sick already. He expected him to leave the room, but instead Simmons stayed there.

"Fine. I won't"

"Thank you, Dexter" he said, then left.

Thus the memory was sealed in Grif's brain for the whole month. It hunted him. Anytime he opened the fridge, or he sneaked out at night to eat something, or stole someone else's food. He stopped eating yogurt altogether. But the worst part were his thoughts about Simmons.

Suddenly, a lot of weird things made sense: Simmons having an harder time getting up, the two of them meeting around the kitchen right after midnight, all the times he said he was "going to the bathroom" and walked in the wrong direction. And before he could control it, his brain was wondering about Simmons masturbating, how much he wanted to join him, or -and this one was the worst- he wanted to help him out.

Or when he stopped to think about how it actually tasted. Now knowing it was sperm, it was surprisingly good, probably because of however the cyborg thing influenced Simmons' biological parts. And he couldn't help but think about how his other parts tasted. Not only his sweat, but also his skin, or his metal bits.

He started to wonder even about how he looked down there.

And he absolutely hated all of it, but for a full, painful month, that was all he could think about. He tried to get closer to him, hoping that eventually a truly disgusting side of Simmons could've made the crush disappear, but it didn't.

He wanted to think he was disgusting, but he couldn't. He genuinely liked Simmons, and didn't want to ruin the friendship, so all he could do was bury his feelings and thoughts deep down in his brain.

It took a while, but eventually he managed to. Afterall there was no point in trying to impress Simmons: he would've always seen him as the guy who ate his sperm.

Which, to be fair, didn't sound actually that bad.