#HOLY SHIT TIME TO FIGHT IN THE SKELETON WAR

[blahajowner]

“BUT THEY’LL FIND YOUR BONES-“ good. Let them. I’m going to fight in the skeleton war bitches, there’s no time to worry about my gender then.

[myrddin-wylt]

GerAme?

B: Not cute but they're fascinating holy fuck

Damn, Ludwig is popular rn huh?

so America/Germany is really weird because they're such foils of each other and mirror the other really well - the superpower and the superpower that could have been - which is very spicy imo, especially as time goes on and the two countries begin to develop increasingly contrasting worldviews. but they're also tied together so, so strongly.

In WW1, was the President Wilson's 14 Points that eventually brought the Germans to the negotiating table, because it was the only sort of compromise where the Germans - the military of which was still in pretty good shape and able to fight - didn't get fucked over. unfortunately, none of the Allies xcept the Americans had any intention of actually following through with the 14 Points (Britain came around eventually), which meant the Americans and Germans got duped, and both were extremely pissed off about it. and I just....

Okay, Alfred figures that if he's gotta go into this stupid shitshow that he's not gonna let his boys die for no reason - he's gonna get something out of this war so that it never happens again. If he HAS to participate, he's going to make it worthwhile and a positive thing for the future. no secret treaties, no controlling the sea, no oppressive reparations, and some sort of international body of law to mediate conflicts. he's done with this. And Ludwig sees the one person casting him a lifeline from a crowd of group of people who want to see him never get up again, so of course he takes Alfred's deal.

Except it doesn't happen. the French won't do it. the British are fighting amongst themselves tooth and nail to even consider the terms. No one wants to give the Germans another chance to pull this shit again. so they strip the 14 Points as much as they can and agree on a skeleton version that quickly ceases to be even a skeleton when the Americans call them out on their bullshit, reject the entire fucking thing, and take their ball and go home so they can make their own, separate treaty with the Germans that doesn't hold them to Europe's bullshit.

So that definitely sucks for Ludwig, and really all any of it accomplishes is WW2, but still, he saw the potential. He saw that Alfred was willing to show quite a bit of mercy, which only increased as American money funneled into rebuilding Europe, including Germany, before and during the Great Depression.

And then you have WW2, which is almost sorta just business for Alfred? His fight with Ludwig honestly isn't even personal? he's in Europe to help his father and the stupid frog and the piece of shit commie and this time to actually put an end to Europe's bullshit. But his real personal beef is with Kiku (and Ivan, soon), not Ludwig. Ludwig is a threat, obviously, and don't get me wrong Alfred does not like the man, but he's also not really emotionally invested in kicking his ass. Just professionally invested.

In the wake of WW2, a few interesting things happen: for one thing, Germany and Japan will never be superpowers. The UK relinquishes its superpower status as well. France has a long way to recover even just great power status, and it's questionable if superpower is even possible. But for the USSR and US, this shitshow is just getting started, and Germany is about to play host to it. Alfred and Ivan both sink their teeth into Ludwig and it's a no holds barred brawl for the victory and it's not pretty.

For Ludwig, he well aware he's Alfred's pawn in all this. the question is if that's something he even objects to? This time the Americans are the ones dominating the terms of the treaty and this time it will be productive, dammit, because who's gonna say no to the guy who just dropped two atomic bombs on Japan?

Alfred throws his weight behind rebuilding Germany, making the country into something useful that will consolidate American power in Europe. And it's a really nice gig for Ludwig, frankly. The justice he does face for is waaayyyyy more lenient than what is deserved, for one thing, and now Alfred is basically trading money, security, and power for loyalty. That's it. It's a good deal.

So for most of the post-WW2 Era, Alfred/Ludwig are a very interesting, utilitarian pair. the problem comes after reunification when the USSR declines and the Germans don't really have a need for American support anymore. So Ludwig and Alfred naturally drift apart.

aaaand now today that was clearly a fucking mistake because we have a very cutthroat political game going on in the background between these two countries. but that's neither here nor there.

[griffintail]

Okay this is just a small thing that you don't have to do, just an idea but like. What do you think their reactions would be to wolf hybrid!Child reader going Rabid on a skeleton that tried to hurt their dad.

I hope you enjoy! ♥

In Game, Reader is 10

Pairings:  Platonic! Parental! Tommy, Wilbur, Philza, Technoblade, Eret, and Dream x F! Child! Wolf Hybrid! Reader

Warnings: Fighting of Mobs

        TommyInnit

        Hyped

        Tommy loved bringing (Y/N) everywhere he went, much to everyone’s dismay her whole life.

        Their dismay lessened once (Y/N) was able to actually learn how to fight. With her added perks of being part wolf and her father being a decent fighter, she wasn’t half bad for only being ten.

        Today, the pair were out trying to get (Y/N) her first disc. Sure, she had her father’s she shared with him but she wanted her own, which made Tommy so proud of her. Together they struck out into the world and went searching for a few ruined temples and such.

        “We only got a few diamonds so far.” (Y/N) huffed, her ears flat on top of her head after they searched their third temple.

        “None of that now!” Tommy tried to cheer her up. “It took me ages to find my first disc. We’ll find one for you. And having a few diamonds isn’t too bad either! We can use them to try and scam a few items from people.”

        (Y/N)’s tail wagged at her father’s words. “Yeah! We’ll find one! And if you’re going to do more scams with Uncle Tubbo can I join?”

        “Of course! That’s the spirit!” He ruffled her hair between her ears as they went to find a new place to loot.

        Night was slowly creeping up on them when they found a new abandoned building.

        “Alright, it’s dark inside and it’s late. So, get your shield and sword ready.” Tommy told her.

        She nodded, taking her shield off her back as Tommy went in first, shield up and sword at the ready. Following in after him with her shield, her ears twitched as she listened. Tommy walked forward when (Y/N) heard the pulling off a bow. Before she could warn him, Tommy yelped as an arrow snagged his bandana and tore it as it went by.

         He whipped around to defend himself when (Y/N) snarled, launching herself into the skeleton.

        The monster was barely able to hold itself together and got no chance to respond to the attack as the child used her sword to cut off its head. Tommy stood in surprise as (Y/N)’s ears twitched and her tail straight as she growled tearing the rest of the bones apart.

        “Holy shit!” He exclaimed finally, (Y/N) jumping as she looked at him. “That was fucking awesome!”

        She knelt on the ground for a moment with a bone in her hand, watching him before grinning and her tail wagged quickly.

        “Really?”

        “Of course! My training for you has really worked!” He grinned as helped her up. “Let’s go own more shit!”

        “Yeah!” She bounced putting the bone in her hand in her bag to gnaw on later.

        Tommy had her listen first this time and together they took out any other mobs.

        In the end, Tubbo screamed as Tommy slammed his door open with (Y/N) on his shoulders, practically howling while holding a disc in celebration. It was just an average adventure.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Wilbur

        Worried but proud

        Oh look, Wilbur has another animal child, who would be surprised?

        After the war, L’Manberg had become a mostly peaceful nation. (Y/N) didn’t need to learn how to fight like her brother so he let her instead enjoy her other passions.

        It very much pleased Wilbur though that his little girl always still wanted to spend time with him. One of those days, the pair had been outside the walls. Wilbur had brought his guitar, strumming as he sang, while (Y/N) ran around to get her extra energy. The father hadn’t expected the storm clouds to roll in so fast but they did.

        The rain started to pour, (Y/N) screaming as she clung onto Wilbur as thunder boomed.

        “It’s alright little star.” He assured her as he quickly got up, putting his guitar on his back. “Let’s get back home.”

        She clung to his hand as they sprinted for the path and went for L’Manberg. He had carelessly not brought a weapon as he hadn’t expected to be out when monsters could come out. So, when a skeleton was in the path, he halted to a stop, looking for a quick escape before it noticed them.

        “This way—” Wilbur tugged (Y/N)’s hand but his eyes went wide as the arrow flew past his head. “Shit!”

        Before he knew it, (Y/N) had let go of his hand. He was too busy looking for a weapon to defend himself and his child when he noticed (Y/N) attacking the skeleton.

        “(Y/N)!” He yelped in panic as he rushed forward.

        Even without any experience, just pure instinct to protect her pack, she managed to take apart the skeleton. Wilbur pulled her from it, her big eyes looking at him with a bone in her mouth. She sat there for a moment before her eyes went wide, the bone dropping.

        “I’m sorry daddy!”

        Wilbur didn’t know what to say for a moment, the thunderclap breaking him from his thoughts as (Y/N) screamed, clinging onto him again. He took a new approach and scooped her up before sprinting instead for the Embassy. Tommy wasn’t in, so they were able to slip in. The man sighed with relief to be out of the rain, putting (Y/N) down.

        She shook the water out of her hair as she swished her tail to do the same. Wilbur took off his guitar, jacket, and hat, laying the objects on a chest as he ruffled his hair.

        “Alright, let’s get your jacket off and find something to dry off with,” Wilbur said, going for the back room.

        “I’m really sorry daddy.” She spoke before he stepped through.

        He stopped, remembering what happened. He looked back at her, her ears pointed back as she stared down at the ground with her hands behind her back and her wet tail on the floor. Coming over, he knelt in front of her, taking her shoulders, having her look at.

        “There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Wilbur told her, making one of her ears twitch. “You did good. I was extremely worried, yes. I was scared you would get hurt and I don’t want you to rush into danger again without a proper weapon, but I’m not angry or disappointed with you.”

        “I really did good?” She asked, her tail coming off the floor.

        “Yes, you did.” He smiled. “I’m proud you were able to think on your feet little star and protect us both. But, as I said, we’re not going to do that again without a weapon right?”

        “Yes sir, Mr. President.” She gave a giggle with a salute.

        He laughed as he kissed her forehead and ruffled her hair. “Now let’s get you dry.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Philza

        Would have taught her more control, proud

        (Y/N) laughed as Phil held her securely to him as they soared through the sky from the village they had just traded at.

        “You having fun darling?” He smiled at her.

        “Yes!” She cheered, her ears twitching madly in the wind. “This so much more fun than walking!”

        He laughed himself as he nodded. “It is. Like I said though, I can’t do this long, we’ll probably have to walk the rest of the way home.”

        “Aw ok.” She frowned but instead smiled and decided to enjoy the moment.

        Phil had promised the young girl when she was old enough, he’d start taking her one trading expeditions after he trained her up a bit. He did tend to stay out for long periods of time after all and usually saw mobs. It had come to that time and Phil personally trained her. As Phil had taught all three of his sons, teaching his fourth child was no work and (Y/N) picked it up quickly. He also helped her work on her wolf instincts just as he had with Techno with his piglin ones.

        Of course, it was precautional training. He wasn’t going to let her fight mobs so easily. There was little to no chance she’d have to fight anything; Phil was a master at avoiding mobs and taking them out with ease as he only had one life left to his name and had to be extra careful.

        As night was starting to set in, Phil landed as his wings took as much as they could.

        “Alright, stay close to me darling.” He told her as he took off his shield and sword as a precaution.

        She nodded, her ears perked up and listening carefully to help her father as she had her own gear out. Together, they walked through the snow towards their home, Phil ahead of (Y/N) as she was close to his back. As they were close to the edge of their property, (Y/N)’s right ear twitched at the sound of a bowstring in the distance. Quickly, she turned and held up a shield in front of her father’s back, an arrow giving a loud THUNK as it hit the wood.

        Phil jumped at the noise, whipping around just as (Y/N) dashed forward and used her sword to strike the skeleton with ease. He rushed over as the skeleton tried to recollect itself and gave a final blow to it.

        “Come on,” Phil told her as her tail swished and she growled lightly. “We’re almost home.”

        She followed Phil again and from there they got home safely. He sighed in relief as he laid down his weapons, (Y/N) laying hers down beside him. Looking at his daughter, he patted her head between her ears smiling.

        “Good job kiddo. You really had my back.”

        Her tail wagged eagerly as she smiled. “I learned from the best.”

        He laughed as he nodded. “Guess you did. We got to work on you not rushing in head first though ok?”

        “Ok.” She nodded with determination.

        “That’s my little angel.”

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Technoblade

        Proud

        (Y/N) was the daughter of the Blood God!

        The second she could hold a sword on her own, she wanted to learn everything she could just to be like her father. Techno was glad to teach her as he wanted to make sure if his enemies ever found her, she could defend himself and he did tend to exploit her wolf abilities in some dangerous places, so not having to watch her constantly was good too.

        Today was any other day. A bit of training between the two, trading a bit with a village, minor terrorism in the Dream SMP land.

        “So, what did we learn today?” Techno asked as he led her across the bridge in the Nether to the home portal.

        “Grandpa doesn’t let us have fun?” She questioned as she looked at him.

        Techno threw back his head in laughter at that. Phil had convinced Techno not to do a few of his crimes, much to the pair’s disappointment.

        “I was looking for more we keep better track of our invisibility, but grandpa not letting us have fun is true too.” He grinned.

        (Y/N) wagged her tail as Techno went through the portal first, (Y/N) a few seconds behind. He frowned at the night sky, taking his axe off his belt as he saw a few scattered mobs in the snow.

        “Guess we were in the Nether too long,” Techno said. “Stay close to me. We’re going to make a run for the house.”

        “Ok.” She nodded as she took off her sword just as a precaution.

        “Three, two, one, go!” He told her before the two of them sprinted across the snow.

        They had piqued the interest of a few zombies but they were much too fast for them. As they got close to the house, an arrow snagged itself into Techno’s cape. He stopped and went to turn with a full axe swing but didn’t get the chance as a snarl filled the air. Looking, he saw (Y/N) slashing through the skeleton with ease then tore it apart with her own hands.

        He was impressed but there were mobs around. So, grabbing her by the arm, he dragged her away, forcing her to run with him again as she growled still at the now-dead skeleton.

        “Come on killer.” He told her with a proud smirk.

        “It tried to hurt you.” She huffed as they finally slowed down on the porch.

        “Yes, but what do we say?” He looked at her.

        “Technoblade never dies!” She threw up her arms with a grin and he smiled as well as he ruffled her hair as he opened the door.

        “That’s right. You did well out there, little goddess, we need to work on your form though and that was a bit overkill.”

        She pouted. “Ok.”

        He chuckled patting her head. “But I’m proud of you regardless.”

        That made her smile again as Techno took off his cape to fix it. As he did the voices were chanting.

        Blood Child! Blood Child! Blood Child!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Eret

        Worried

        (Y/N), as a wolf hybrid, had an excessive amount of energy that Eret was just not able to keep up with sometimes. So, he’d let her go off on her own with Tommy, the two usually able to work both of their excessive energy out without any possible danger as Eret made Tommy promise him.

        It had been one of those days and Eret was waiting by the castle gate, worry starting to seep into him as the sun was starting to set.

        “Damn it, Tommy.” He muttered under his breath before going back inside the castle for a moment.

        Coming back out and starting to walk down the path, now he had a sword strapped to his belt as he made his way to Tommy’s. As he got to the fenced area, he heard the sounds of (Y/N)’s laughter as Tommy was yelling out profanities. Going in and to the door, he knocked on Tommy’s door. Swinging it open, Tommy stood there with a scowl on his face.

        “You’re both late,” Eret told him.

        “Shit, is it really that late?” Tommy’s eyes went wide at the setting light. “I got to meet up with Wilbur!”

        He went back inside as (Y/N) came over, seeing her father, a guilty look on her face seeing the fading light.    

        “Sorry, dad.”

        “It’s alright sweetie. Let’s get home before it gets too dark. Stay safe Tommy!” He called as (Y/N) came to Eret’s side.

        The two walked down the Prime Path as the sun set full set.

        “You’re not mad?” (Y/N) asked.

        “No princess, I understand you were having fun. I was just worried and I knew I had to come to get you. Tommy’s a good fighter but I don’t think he could protect two people.” Eret explained calmly to her.

        “Well, I’m sorry I worried you.”

        “It’s alright, let’s just get home safe.” He smiled at her.

        The castle was just in sight, making Eret feel relief that they’d get there without seeing a single mob, but he jinxed himself. As they stepped out of the gate from the Community House, an arrow flew by his arm. He jumped in surprise, pulling his sword as he went to grab (Y/N) to pull her behind him, but only grabbed air.

        Looking around in a panic, he saw his little girl tackling the skeleton on instinct and starting to pull it apart with her hands.

        “Princess.” He said quickly as he went over and pulled her off the mob as she growled. “It’s alright. Calm down.”

        “It tried to hurt you!”

        “I understand sweetie, but you should have let me handle it alright?”

        She huffed but nodded. “Alright.”

        He helped her up and smiled as he ruffled her hair. “Thank you for being my knight instead princess but I promise I got it.”

        “Ok, dad.” She agreed as they went home to the castle without any more problems. “…can you teach me how to fight though?”

        “If you want to princess. We’ll figure it out.”

        “Thank you, dad.” She smiled.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Dream

         Proud but Worried

        “Got you!” (Y/N) howled as she tackled George, who in turn screamed.

        Dream laughed as he came over to them putting his wooden sword on George’s chest. They were playing a game of Manhunt and Dream had (Y/N) on his team naturally. With that, she was able to use her wolf senses to win with ease. Dream actually had to do very little but defend her. Sure, he trained her but there was a large training curve between her and everyone else.

        “We win again.” Dream told him.

        “This is no fair,” George whined. “(Y/N) can hear everything.”

        “You guys practically stomp around the forest.” (Y/N) grinned as she jumped up, her tail wagging rapidly.

        “Now don’t be too mean to your uncle.” Dream laughed, ruffling her hair.

        “I’m going to guess George lost too.” Sapnap came over to the group.

        “Dad and I are the best team!” (Y/N) threw up her hands, making Dream grin as he moved his mask from his face.

        “What told you? The scream?” Dream teased George now.

        George grabbed Dream, trying to tackle him but Dream managed to swing it back and pin George to the ground. The goggled man huffed at his second defeat as (Y/N) cheered.

        “Alright, let’s get home you two idiots.” Dream chuckled as he helped George up.

        The sun was close to setting and they were in the forest. The two other men agreed with Dream and everyone started walking.

        “Can we play again tomorrow?” (Y/N) asked Dream with eagerness, her tail still wagging.

        He laughed, nodding. “Sure. But why don’t you try and find me tomorrow with your uncles?”

        “But I like your team.” She pouted.

        “I’m honored sweetheart, but we have to make your uncles think they’re good too.” He whispered but loud enough for the others to hear.

        “Alright! You listen here Dream!” Sapnap stopped to argue with his friend, making Dream laughed.

        (Y/N) was giggling as the three were playfully arguing with each other but she frowned as her ear twitched hearing a sound in the forest. It sounded like…bones?

        Then she heard the bowstring and her eyes went wide.

        “Look out!” She shouted, startling everyone, giving them enough time to move as the arrow just flew past Dream’s face.

        “Holy shit!” Dream exclaimed in surprise.

        Before anyone could react, there was a snarl and the three saw the little girl tearing the skeleton apart.

        “Yo! You show it (Y/N)!” Sapnap cheered.

        “Shut up. Alright, sweetheart.” Dream came over, pulling her off. “You got it.”

        She huffed at the pile of bones before looking at her dad. “Are you ok daddy?”

        He smiled lightly as he nodded, patting her head as he crouched in front of her. “I’m fine, you warned me just in time.”

        “Good.” She grinned, her tail wagging.

        “But I don’t want you to do something like that again ok?” He looked at her seriously. “You got it, but you went way over of what you needed to.”

        She frowned, confused. “What do you mean?”

        “It was dead, but you kept going. That’s serious stuff. Sapnap was wrong to encourage you. I’m proud you got it, but you need to keep your control, ok?”

        She nodded slowly. “Ok. I think I understand.”

        He smiled again, kissing the top of her head. “Good. Now let’s get home before anything else catches us.”

        With that, the four went home, pride definitely in his chest but he would make sure his daughter understood her anger.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (December 4/2020)

It’s the day we’ve all been dreading.

The time of reckoning has come for Tommy as he and Ghostbur are pushed into exile -- Tommy’s third exile so far! He’s really racking them up.

 Meanwhile, Dream and Tubbo form a tentative alliance, the Badlands start to splinter, and Mexican L’manburg continues to grow in size and power.

---

 - Sapnap logs on, sees that Batthew is gone and starts going apeshit on Ranboo, but then they realize that Batthew was actually still there and Sapnap was mistaken about Batthew dying. Whoops.

- Sapnap goes on a monologue about Dream dethroning George, saying basically that his loyalties lie only with Mexican L’manburg now. He and Tommy are friends, and he’ll see what happens with Tommy’s situation.

- Tubbo and Quackity speak before shit goes down. Quackity tells Tubbo about George being dethroned and his and Dream’s debate.

- Tommy comes online.

- Tommy convinces Quackity and Fundy to help him start a war against Dream that very night. Tubbo isn’t convinced but they keep talking over him, so eventually he reluctantly agrees.

- They go to meet with Dream. Dream says that he believes Tubbo will make the right choice. Tubbo laughs, says he’s sorry to Tommy, and exiles him. He says the discs are just that - discs, and they shouldn’t decide the fate of a country.

- Dream escorts Tommy and Ghostbur a couple thousand blocks away. The rain is pouring.

- Quackity leads everyone down a hallway to a Technoblade hate shrine. Fundy hands Tubbo a “L’manburg hit list” of all their enemies. They decide to take down Technoblade first, then Dream.

- Dream goes to speak with Tubbo at the walls. Dream says he’ll have the walls down within a week and he’ll give Tubbo all the obsidian.

- Tommy tries desperately to get Ghostbur to remember why Wilbur made Tubbo the president, but he can’t.

- Ghostbur says that Techno was messaging him to tell Techno their coords. Tommy doesn’t want Techno to know.

- Sam appears in front of Tommy - he must have followed them. He says that Tommy is always welcome in his home.

- Tommy is at a loss for what to do. He says they need to get back the discs. Ghostbur asks who has the discs, and Tommy says Tubbo and Dream. And in order to get back the disc from Tubbo... Tommy goes silent for a bit.

- Dream declares that L’manburg and Dream SMP are at peace. He says that he will be officially recognizing L’manburg as a state, and if anybody tries to overthrow the government, he will support Tubbo. 

- Fundy asks Dream if he looks good in his suit. They’re getting married today. When Dream leaves the call, Fundy says “I love you.” Dream returns the message after a bit of...hesitation. Fundy is giddy.

- Technoblade joins Wilbur and Tommy’s call and laughs at Tommy’s failure. He arrives and bullies Tommy while showing off his new skin. He says that if Tommy really wants his discs back, he’s been working with the wrong people (Tubbo)

- Quackity retains his vice president duties. 

- Tommy and Wilbur name their new town “Logstedshire,” Logsted for short.

- Logchamp. Tommy is tempted by an Apple.

- Tommy burns the Racism Logs. I think it’s safe to say he and Wilbur are going a biiiiit insane?

- #SorryTrendingGuy

-  Quackity asks Sapnap what his relationship with Dream is like right now. Sapnap is still heartbroken but says that Dream might still trust him. Quackity tells Sapnap about the Butcher Army and asks if he wants to join. Sapnap says that depending on how things go, he may have “a bigger fish in his sights...”

- Tubbo speaks with Ranboo. Tubbo talks about how Ranboo was planning on running for the election on February 2nd. He says he hopes Ranboo would do a better job than him. Ranboo philosophizes about the discs.

- Quackity gives George the same proposition to join the Butcher Army that he gave Sapnap. He asks George what his stance in his relationship with Dream is. George promptly jumps off a cliff and expertly dodges the question.

- Tubbo and Ranboo go under Eret’s museum and Tubbo reminisces about the piston trap he made when he joined the server, the one he used to trap Tommy. They also fight a raid.

- Fundy and Ranboo encounter Skeppy building a tower. Skeppy has a Manberg War Shield. He asks them for dirt. They proceed to insult him.

- The Badlands are having some internal conflict as well. Sam and Antfrost aren’t pleased with Bad’s actions yesterday. He’s been making too many changes without them, and they disagree with Bad’s intentions of siding with Mexican L’manburg and trying to get involved in a plot against Dream.

- Puffy decorates for the holidays.

- Karl becomes an official citizen of Mexican L’manburg. He, Sapnap and Quackity work together to break down a section of the wall so that they can see Pokimane.

- Karl commits murder in the Holy Land.

- Sapnap is telling Quackity and Karl all the old stories. He tells Quackity and Karl about how Tommy gave up the discs for L’manberg’s birth. Quackity is surprised, as he’d always faulted Tommy for being too obsessed with the discs. Sapnap also informs them about the Railway Skirmish, and how the conclusion he’d drawn from that incident was that “Dream isn’t immortal.” (Is Sapnap planning on trying to kill Dream?)

- Quackity asks Sapnap about his thoughts on the exile. Sapnap says that Tommy had it coming, but it might not have been the right thing to do.

- Quackity then says that he has a secret kept in his basement. He says it’s the most valuable thing he has left on the server: a skeleton horse. Mexican L’manburg’s biggest prize. He says that three horses came to attack him after a thunderstorm, and he killed two of them but kept the third.

- Ranboo and Eret get into an argument about a zombie.

- Badboyhalo, Sam and Ant are all on the server too. Sam and Ant, while Bad is busy, start to draft a contract to be signed with the Dream SMP concerning the two Origin Cows (Mooshrooms) - including clauses that state that the Badlands’ validity cannot be revoked by King Eret nor anyone who comes after him, among many other agreements. The document is unsigned as of right now, since Bad and Skeppy will need to be talked to tomorrow and they’ll need to meet with Eret to get his signature. 

The Badlands want to gain control over Spawn so that they have influence over any new players who join.

- Meanwhile, Karl, Quackity and Sapnap are playing dress-up again while Ranboo and Eret make a grave for Jonald, who was very short-lived.

- Eret asks Ranboo about adoption. Ranboo says that he’s not an orphan, he’s just never seen his parents.

---

Upcoming Events:

- Karl will tour Pokimane around next week

- Dream and Fundy supposedly got married today but we don’t know what happened yet

- Elytra Challenge????????

[flyingupward]

critical role - vox machina chapter 8 - the end of vox machina

all sentences taken from episodes 100-115 of the first campaign of critical role. feel free to change pronouns, phrasing etc. to fit your needs!

“Oh yeah, we’re still very awkward at all times.”

“I can’t read the dirty hand of betrayal.”

“I’m sorry that we won’t get to hang out because you hate me now.”

“We have a box of crazy shit. Will you look at it?”

“Why would you do that and what happened?”

“My plan just went up the rainbow.”

"Congratulations, you're in a prison cell with Charles Manson."

“You want to go someplace really horrible with your family or what?”

"Your shoes don't even know you're there."

“This is terrible. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time.”

“These skeletons are almost as old as you.”

“You put the ass in astute.”

“I don’t speak gloom!”

“Oh God. The creepy music is starting. We gotta go, y’all!”

“We slow motion walked into our own death.”

“You were talking about how much you wanted to monologue. I really feel like this is the moment.”

“Hey! You know what the problem is with your face? I can see it.”

“Welcome to the god wars, guys.”

“You can go ahead and live forever, but you’ll still be ugly the whole damn time.”

“When has a random miracle ever just happened?”

“Don’t go to heaven without us.”

“I don’t know what to do without causing everyone around us to die or be scared!”

“For everything great we may have created, you need to create far better.”

“What a beautiful tree you found. It casts so much shade.”

“Don’t be dark and creepy and make it sound like you’re being nice.”

“I seek power, not silliness.”

“I guess I have to start getting used to losing things.”

“Worst double date sangria partners ever!”

“Don’t tell anyone I sang to a book.”

“Not every rosy walkway leads to a better day.”

“We need you, perhaps, but you do not need us. That is our gift.”

“A god called you a madman.”

“Oh, fuckstick, we are coming.”

“As generous as this offer is, we just don’t enjoy associating with new money.”

“I only serve gods with big dicks.”

“I am grateful for the time I have left to look on you and I am grateful to fight for your future.”

“I wouldn’t take it back. You taught me how to take chances.”

“Come on, you sweet chinchilla.”

“You broken bastard.”

“You are a shitty, shitty backyard fountain.”

“I could say turducken and you people would turn it into sexual innuendo.”

“Your eyebrows… I want to lick them.”

“He’s married. To me. And I will cut you, okay?”

“Is it that hard to believe that maybe just someone finds me attractive?”

“It was love at first sight, but now. So not first.”

“Not all miracles have to be deadly.”

“Did you just make a decree and then turn to us and say, ‘What’s your plan?’”

“I think we proceed by taking a 15 minute nap, really.”

“Our entire relationship has been psychic damage, baby.”

“We’re fighting walls!”

“Can we please stop robbing tombs and get back to our actual mission?”

“Oh my gosh my legs are so short”

“You just got glitter bombed with holy goodness.”

“That’s not Gandalf. That’s a cosplayer.”

“Why do you have to tamper with the fundamental forces of nature?”

“Sneaky fucks in front.”

“It’s a real party up here and everybody’s dead.”

“You’re in a cavern. You don’t get any dill.”

“I wish to strangle you until death.”

“There’s been a few times that we’ve all known we could die together, but this might actually be it.”

“Everything since I met you all has felt like a dream, even the worst of it.”

“Forever and ever and always.”

“To be fair, we didn’t know we were going to be fighting Kim Kardashian’s fantasy wedding cake over here.”

“You’re not going to kill another one of our friends in front of us, are you?”

“I’m rubbing my thigh, but there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“It’s reading rainbow time.”

“If you were anybody else, I would find it when I was rummaging through your corpse later.”

“I’ll make you something fancy that’s a little less prone to explode.”

“We’re going to live a life of paranoia, aren’t we?”

“He definitely does this when he needs to go poo, but this is so much worse.”

“I love you very much. This has been a terrible day.”

“We’ll fix in each others’ gaps. We’ll be the glue.”

“Are you kidding me? Religion and alcohol go together perfectly. That’s a time honored tradition.”

“You taught me just the right amount of how to be a shithead.”

“My God, it is hard, surviving, isn’t it?”

“It’s weird once you reach a life goal and then realize you have the rest of your life.”

“Sometimes it’s hard being a prodigy because then you just grow up to be a regular adult.”

“In all my years, not a day passes where awe does not strike me at the beauty of this world.”

[tossawary]

Chapter 24: “Seeing is Believing” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” random favorite lines and commentary. Not a full list or full commentary, but longer commentary than usual to talk about quest construction. 

-

AN: This was... a weird chapter to write. When I started outlining, I had... the conversation with Shen Qingqiu planned... the conversation with Shen Yuan planned... the fact that SQH, SY, LQG, and LFL was the quest party... and the fact that they get the Eye at the end of it. That was everything. 

The entire rest of this chapter came together FRIDAY LAST WEEK. 

Huan Hua Palace wasn’t going to be there. The Weeper didn’t exist. The Eye or its previous owner wasn’t at all connected to the Garden Master. The Shadow Cave Wolf Spiders didn’t exist. The murder plant didn’t exist. The mysterious monster showing up at the end wasn’t originally planned either. 

I mean, I had a lot of pre-existing plot threads to tie in and weave with, but ohhh boy! Picture someone lying facedown on a floor like, “I forgot to plan the contents of the super important quest...” 

I was originally going to have the Eye quest a lot simpler, but given the weight “Death of the Author” had when I finally reached this part of the story, that wasn’t really going to do! It had to be bigger than that! It needed oomph! This also felt like a good opportunity to really establish the new SQH-SY dynamic. To explore SY fumbling to find a place in this world without strict character role, especially in relation to settled and well-supported SQH. 

- 

“One attempts to remain dignified,” Shen Qingqiu agrees. “As there is little point in kicking and screaming about how such ignobility isn’t fair.”

“Ha! Is there ever?”

“Not in my experience.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely not cute when I do it,” Shang Qinghua jokes.

Shen Qingqiu’s lips actually twitch at that.

Success?!

- 

AN: I wasn’t going into this fic with the intention of writing any Shang Qinghua and Original Shen Qingqiu almost friendship! But it started developing and it seemed a shame not to explore Shang Qinghua developing a real relationship with Shen Qingqiu (though not a particularly close one) when the man is suppose to be the scum villain (and the readers know that the man might get replaced by Shen Yuan). 

I can see myself writing more Shang Qinghua and Original Shen Qingqiu content in the future. Someone dropped a particularly nice prompt for them in my inbox that I’m looking forward to exploring at some point. 

(I mean, not to say that Shang Qinghua has a type, but Shang Qinghua has a type and it’s handsome, deadly, intimidating, frosty men with a villainous character design and trust/abandonment and communication issues. I could make it work.)

- 

“Ah, well, two ‘ideal’ situations come to mind: severing the personal relationship for good… or, ah, talking about how to do better and trying that. You don’t have to forget or even forgive if you don’t want to! But, ah… there’s got to be a difference between totally swallowing your anger and cutting ties forever, right?” Shang Qinghua says awkwardly. “If there’s… ever going to be anything good afterwards…”

Shen Qingqiu stares at him for a sweat-inducing length of time.

 “Ah, fuck,” Shang Qinghua thinks.

“Sorry,” he says. “Ahhh, I’m just… thinking about something someone told me… in… in regards to some of my own problems. Never mind! Never mind!”

- 

AN: Luo Jiahui really is out here making Moshang and Qijiu get their fucking act together just by setting a better example. 

- 

“Shizun, my apologies for the interruption, but I came to ask Shizun if he would be willing to join our music lesson today? The disciples have missed his playing and are eager to present their improvements.”

“...Very well, unless anyone here would disagree…?” Shen Qingqiu looks directly at the Qian Cao Peak cultivator, as though daring her to object and die.

“It’s an excellent suggestion!” the Qian Cao Peak cultivator says quickly.

The young woman smiles. “And perhaps Shizun could sit in on the calligraphy lesson afterwards? In order to offer his opinion on my progress as a teacher?”

“Fishing for compliments is unbecoming,” Shen Qingqiu says dryly.

“Wait, what?” Shang Qinghua thinks.

- 

AN: So, this has all been happening in the background, but Shen Qingqiu accepted this House of Rejuvenation woman onto his Peak about... 6-ish years ago now? This is kind of meant to parallel Shang Qinghua’s once-secret relationship with Luo Jiahui. 

Shang Qinghua was out here trying to be a better person and Shen Qingqiu noticed; now Shen Qingqiu has his own positive (platonic) relationship with a nameless background character who was meant to die for plot reasons. What a thing, huh? If the story was saved because Shang Qinghua started a domino effect of saving random people who went on to change things? 

- 

After all, as Shang Qinghua said to the kid, besides Peerless Cucumber’s apparent talent for cultivation, he knows that his fellow transmigrator has three very important skills that will serve him well on An Ding Peak! 1) An encyclopedia knowledge for even seemingly pointless bullshit (which is kind of flattering, honestly). 2) The willingness to fight total strangers over seemingly pointless bullshit. And 3) a sharp enough tongue to win.

Peerless Cucumber didn’t find these points as funny as Shang Qinghua did.

- 

AN: Shen Yuan was always going to end up on An Ding Peak. I thought about sending him to Qing Jing or Qian Cao or Qiong Ding... or any other Peak... but that would take him too far away from Shang Qinghua to really explore their relationship and to move him around conveniently in the story. And SY sticking to An Ding seemed to best illustrate the fact that SY is lost and doesn’t know what to do except cling to SQH. 

- 

“It’s not much, sure, but it’s yours,” Shang Qinghua says finally. “You’ll be joining the talisman classes soon, so don’t try anything from a book and then need to request some home repairs.”

Peerless Cucumber nods and puts his stack of manuals down on the table.

“How’s your tutorial mission going?”

“Fine,” the kid says shortly. “Have you found anything for the other one yet?”

“Ah, not yet.”

- 

AN: “Are you winning, son?” meme energy here. 

- 

Ah, now Shang Qinghua recognizes his fellow transmigrator’s expression! That’s the same stunned expression one of his Huan Hua not-disciples, Yu Chaonan, made upon meeting the Bai Zhan Peak War God for the first time. Shang Qinghua assumes that Peerless Cucumber was expecting a man who looked more like a musclebound giant and less like a pop idol (if one with amazingly muscular arms), which is a super common and never-not-funny misconception people have about Liu Qingge.  

“Brother of one of the most beautiful women in this world, bro,” Shang Qinghua reminds his fellow transmigrator, amused. Aha! Now Peerless Cucumber’s vehement disinterest in the harem stuff is making even more sense than before!

Shang Qinghua’s assumption gets 100% confirmed when it comes time for Peerless Cucumber to fly with Liu Qingge for the next leg of the journey. The other transmigrator is so embarrassed and awkward about it that Shang Qinghua’s super direct brother-in-law asks if the young man is alright.

- 

AN: This was so fun to write. Shang Qinghua really can use the Liu siblings to gauge people’s sexual/romantic orientation. 

- 

The map (or rather, the copy Shang Qinghua made of the delicate original map) takes them to a green and grey landscape of leafy trees crawling over a wide network of tall cliffs and deep gorges. Gurgling rivers cut through twisting rock formations. Shang Qinghua can’t see any of these rivers on the map. Or these deathly drop ravines. From the outside, the whole thing looks like a natural maze (holy shit, there could be so many monsters and death-traps in there!), and Shang Qinghua would know those golden robes flying low over the hanging trees anywhere.

“Huan Hua,” Liu Qingge mutters.

“Do you think they’re looking for what we’re looking for?” Luo Fanli asks.

“That’s usually how it goes,” Peerless Cucumber says, before Shang Qinghua can.

- 

AN: I came up with the skeleton idea first. Then I was like... “I should give it three eyes.” And then I was like... “But who IS this dead author? A god? A spirit? What grander implications am I spinning here?” 

And THEN I remembered that I had some ambiguous powerful being force the Garden Master into exile due to a flood. This was because, in the Epic of Gilgamesh, the immortal man Gilgamesh meets in the abyss is the survivor of a great flood. So I was like, “Reduce! Re-use! Recycle! There’s my skeleton!” 

So I wanted to relate the skeleton to water because of the flood angle. Water as a symbol of cleansing/reincarnation is a big thing throughout many cultures. I can’t remember exactly how the crying aspect came up, but I knew there was going to be water in the temple now, so at some point my brain like was, “Bro, this skeleton should totally be crying because mythology vibes.” 

So I built the surrounding land off the idea that there was water flowing from or around this temple. At this point, I had decided that Huan Hua Palace should also be looking for this artifact, so I had to come up with a way to hide the temple, yet have a way for SQH’s party to track it down. 

- 

The damage to the doors is worse: someone once upon a time collapsed a part of the cliff face around the entrance, essentially leaving only the top fourth of the utterly smashed stone doors visible. It’s a wall now and has been for ages. It looks like it would take days to dig through the rubble. Someone has even super helpfully carved, “These doors will never open again,” just above the wreck.

“Guess we’ll have to go in as intruders rather than guests!” Luo Fanli says.

“What would be welcoming us inside a lost temple exactly?” Shang Qinghua asks vaguely, inwardly cursing the fact that explosive mining techniques will definitely attract the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators’ attention and also probably collapse the whole cliff on them.

“We only have to clear a passage for us, not the whole door,” Peerless Cucumber says optimistically. “Is there a special technique for this kind of thing?”

“Aha, not really.”

“Oh.”

“Why don’t we just keep following the water?” Luo Fanli says.

“...How so?” Shang Qinghua asks.

“Some of those waterfalls could be passages inside,” Liu Qingge explains, because he and the little sister-in-law apparently share the same brain. He’s already eyeing the waterfall wearing down the giant statue on the left.

- 

AN: Temples in quests need to have traps and obstacles and monsters! Well, not ALL of the did, but this one did. I based the obstacles they faced as much as I could around the whole “Death of the Author” theme, while using this whole quest to explore Shen Yuan, Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua, Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge and Luo Fanli, and so on. 

The idea here with the door is that the “author” is not going to let them inside the temple to take the interpretation of the narrative (the Eye) for themselves. The story is over (the temple is closed for business)! The author is dead! If they want to get inside, they have to break inside or slip inside as intruders. 

This also creates a convenient obstacle to hold up the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators so that our party can be nearly caught later! And shows off Shang Qinghua, Liu Qingge, and Luo Fanli’s twisty lines of thinking. 

- 

Luo Fanli is holding the light and Shang Qinghua passes the other transmigrator to her, while accepting Liu Qingge’s hand for help getting out of the water.

“Ahhh, that was fun,” Shang Qinghua mutters.

Then he notices that Liu Qingge has the Cheng Luan sword out and ready. Shang Qinghua looks through the surrounding darkness, but all he can see are columns and water. For a moment, he thinks he sees something, a prowling shadow at the other end of the cavernous room, but he wipes the water out of his eyes and it’s gone.

- 

AN: The water in Shang Qinghua’s eyes briefly lets him see a flash of the invisible monsters who show up later! It helps up the tension. 

- 

Another low growl rips through the darkness and Peerless Cucumber shuffles a little closer to Shang Qinghua. Because that sounded really fucking close and yet Shang Qinghua still can’t see the thing that’s making that sound.

He doesn’t see Liu Qingge lunge at him either. He only feels his brother-in-law shove him into Peerless Cucumber, knocking them into the water, out of the way of something that howls when Liu Qingge slashes at it with his sword. Shang Qinghua rolls off Peerless Cucumber and looks up just in time to see dark blood splatter across the watery floor. Liu Qingge pursues the attacker with a second slash, but only seems to meet thin air this time.

“It’s invisible!” Luo Fanli cries. “Fuck!”

“Behind you!” Liu Qingge snaps, and spins to slash at the thin air beside him. Dark droplets of blood hit the water again and something hisses at him.

Luo Fanli whirls and slashes, searching for an opponent.

“They’re reflected in the water!” Liu Qingge yells at her, standing guard over Shang Qinghua as he gets to his feet again. “Listen for their footsteps and vocalizations! Feel the demonic energy and air displacement!”

- 

AN: I got this from a list of Dungeons and Dragons puzzles. The idea is that there’s some puzzle that must be solved, but the truth of the room can only be seen in the reflection of the nearby water (or mirror or whatever). 

Which felt fitting for a “Death of the Author” quest! Whatever an author’s intentions, the story is what they actually wrote, so the audience interprets a text without the context of the author’s insight. The truth (of the story) is in the reflection (audience interpretation)! It felt like a fun idea. 

It also allows Shen Yuan to actually contribute to the quest via monster lore and bring up his impaired vision problem. And to confront Shen Yuan with the reality of this world. And to show off Luo Fanli’s fighting skills. And to show off LIU QINGGE’S legendary fighting skills, instincts as a warrior who fights many dangerous beasts, and the fact that he’s clever and observant! 

Liu Qingge is good at what he does! And this is what he does! 

- 

Someone has… angrily… or desperately… carved a lopsided message into the wall.

 “‘If I go blind, so does the world,’” Peerless Cucumber reads.

“...That’s probably not good,” Shang Qinghua says.

“Nooo…” Fanli agrees.

The messages continue as they climb, carved into the walls, the ceilings, the floors. Most of it is illegible. Some of it is just nonsense. Some of it looks like the same kind of historical records carved into the broken tablets. Some of it looks like someone attacked the walls after reading what was written there. There are deep gouges in the walls and cracked marks that would match a giant’s hands.

 “‘The water cleans the lies,’” Peerless Cucumber reads. “‘I am the only one who can see.’ ‘Lies everywhere, lies everywhere, lies everywhere.’ ‘The water cleans the evil.’ ‘I do not have enough tears.’ ‘Everything is nothing now. Everything in vain.’”

“You really don’t need to read them!” Shang Qinghua tells the kid. “It’s fine. It's totally fine.”

- 

AN: This is mostly here to up the tension, but it’s also here to try and give insight into this being and relate them more to the “Death of the Author” and the “Seeing is Believing” themes. 

I also saw the phrase “If I go blind, so does the world” while I was browsing a list of riddles for D&D campaigns and I was like, “THAT’S SICK, I’M USING THAT.” Really brings the “an eye for an eye” and vengeance vibes. (The riddle was longer than that one phrase, but the answer was “the sun”.) 

- 

The top of the temple reveals one massive room that looks like someone was alternatively scratching their insanity into the walls and tearing chunks out of the interior design with their bare hands. Overtop of the rubble is that eerie overgrowth. There’s a fine layer of water over the floor. At the center of it all is an incredibly enormous desk, cracked in half, with a robed skeleton sitting behind it, slumped over the top. It’s a little too large to be an ordinary human.

Plus, its skull is a little too long, probably to accommodate the third eye socket in the forehead. There’s something gleaming softly yellow in the third eye socket.

“Is… there water dripping from its eyes?” Luo Fanli whispers.

“It looks like it…” Peerless Cucumber whispers back. “Like it's crying…?”

“Still…? Is it dead or not?”

 “Holy shit,” Shang Qinghua thinks, slightly nauseated. “System, bro, the worst bro I’ve ever known, tell me that we have not been swimming in a three-eyed skeleton’s magical undead tears or something this whole time.”

The shitty, no-good System stays unsurprisingly silent. 

- 

AN: Okay, so the idea here is that this being was someone who recorded history and shared their knowledge freely. This being had the ability to discern the truth of a person - they were extremely perceptive. (The Weeper is either female or doesn’t have a gender, by the way.) 

The Weeper met the Garden Master at some point. The Garden Master was an asshole, a liar, arrogant, etc.. The Weeper and the Garden Master clashed badly, until the Weeper sent the cleansing flood that nearly destroyed the sect and the Garden Master essentially had to flee to a personal abyss. 

The Garden Master sent the plant as a final “fuck you” to the Weeper. The plant caused the Weeper to slowly go mad. The smashed tablets and destroyed temple are the Weeper’s work. The Weeper (not in a great state of mind) had the temple closed themselves once they realized they and their work had been corrupted. This was a “you destroy my (embellished) reputation, I destroy yours (and your entire life)” plot by the Garden Master. 

The idea behind the tears is the whole “water is cleansing” thing. The Weeper tried to clean away the madness using their magical water-related abilities... and it actually worked for a long time. But eventually the madness began to overpower the effects of the magical water. The Weeper’s tears are from frustration and helplessness at losing control. 

The water inside the temple combats the plant’s physical effects. Also stabbing the root killed the plant and essentially broke its mental/spiritual powers. 

- 

Unfortunately, to get the fuck out of here, they have to go back through the temple. But hey! That’s still a lot better than an extended hike through an underground, haunted desert in darkness! The battle with the now-dead plant caused its growth to writhe around the temple. The vines need to be hacked through sometimes as they travel down through the rooms of broken shelves and shattered tablets.

“So much history lost…” Peerless Cucumber murmurs.

 “He still thinks of himself as a reader - an observer, a visitor, separate from the flow of fate.”

- 

AN: This is... absolutely based on the Heart from the Dishonored franchise. But this sort of item didn’t originate with Dishonored and I need it! It’s a surprise/mystery tool that will help us later! 

The Eye isn’t exactly a mind-reading object. I mean, it kind of is, but it works in a very specific way that I’m looking forward to getting into. 

- 

From there, their path back out of the natural maze is even more careful and stressful than before, now that the Huan Hua Palace Sect cultivators are actively looking for them rather than the temple. It’s slow-going and stressful and silent, except for when the Weeper’s Eye presses too close against his chest.

 “He is afraid that if he starts screaming, he will never stop,” it tells him, when he’s looking at a pale-faced Peerless Cucumber, as they fly over a particularly deathly-looking drop.

 “Oh, me too, bro!” Shang Qinghua thinks. “Seriously! Tell me something I don’t know!”

- 

AN: Having Shang Qinghua be totally unimpressed by an object like this was very funny to me. He’s the author! He’s a transmigrator! He knows these people well! He already has insight into their situations. 

- 

Shang Qinghua groans, but supposes that Peerless Cucumber would have at least been disguising Liu Qingge from the back. “You tell them that you were tracking thieves who stole something from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect,” he says quickly. “Rule of embarrassment! Admitting something that makes us look bad to a rival makes it sound true. Don’t tell them what was stolen and act really offended if they try to poke into Cang Qiong business. I’ll come back as soon as I get these two out!”

Liu Qingge nods and launches forward into the fight.

“We’re just leaving him?” Peerless Cucumber says, as they do exactly that.

“I’ll get changed and come back ‘looking for him for urgent sect business’ as soon as I’ve dropped you two off in the last town,” Shang Qinghua says. “I’m really good at acting stressed and confused, and at desperately needing an unstoppable wandering Liu Qingge back at Cang Qiong Mountain Sect immediately. Now let’s go! Let’s go! Mission isn’t over yet!”

- 

AN: Shang Qinghua is, at heart, a liar. I love him. 

[mewtonian-physics]

my ranking of the alex rider original series (stormbreaker through scorpia rising) from ‘book i least enjoy rereading’ to ‘book i most enjoy rereading’ let’s goooo

spoilers for all 9 books under the cut

9. Ark Angel

...He went to space. He went to space. Also the entire plot could have been avoided if Drevin had actually bothered to provide a photograph of his son. I’m sure he had one. I still like this book but it’s literally so insane that I just don’t know what to do with it. 

It is however really funny that Webber just goes and gives a speech insulting this super high-profile ecoterrorist group and acts like it’s no big deal and then they kill him. Shock of shocks.

8. Skeleton Key

Okay, points to this book for terrifying the shit out of me. God damn it does that shark scene scare me. Also, points for making me feel a little bit bad for a man who wants to nuke his own country because he thinks it will fix the place up. I’m still not entirely sure how that’s supposed to work, but that’s probably a good thing. I feel like understanding his thought process would say bad things about me. Still, I actually did feel sorry for him, if only a little. Dude was clearly mentally unstable and I doubt his son’s death helped at all. I also got sad about what happened to Carver and Troy. (Yeah, yeah, I’m a cringe fail American who has the American release. So sue me.) What a nightmare that must’ve been to endure... Otherwise, though, I’m not super into this book. The opening is just kind of meh and the way it leads into the rest of the plot seems a little bit unbelievable. Also, this might be an unpopular opinion, but Sabina annoys me. I would not get along with her at all and I can’t imagine her as a girlfriend. Skeleton Key does, however, absolutely excel at the emotional scenes. 

Also, why are all the spy agencies so comfortable with sending in a 14-year-old? Especially when they outright admit that the other attempts have all died horribly? Bureaucracy’s a bitch.

7. Point Blank

Boo, Dr. Grief! Boo! We hate your white supremacy! I’m so glad you got a snowmobile to the face, you deserved it. (Perks of books written by Jewish people--we aren’t afraid to give the neo-Nazis an unpleasant death.) Anyway, this book definitely isn’t bad, but I wouldn’t really say it stands out in the series. It definitely does hammer home the point of just how trapped Alex is, since MI6 isn’t going to just let him go after one mission, and let’s face it, the plot with the clones is creepy as hell, if highly improbable. But I’m largely just here to see the neo-Nazi get snowmobiled. That’s right, I just completely changed the definition of a pre-established word. I’m a rebel.

Also, I hate Fiona Friend so much and overall think she just didn’t need to be in the book, but the line about ‘I’d rather kiss the horse’ made me laugh so hard. Alex, you sass.

6. Snakehead

Okay, let’s talk about how genius the plan in this book is. I love it! I love how Yu wants to kill the people involved in the peace conference without making them into martyrs, so he comes up with this whole elaborate plan to stage a natural disaster. It’s incredible. This dude was thinking so far ahead. And he would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling kid... But anyway, I don’t see a lot of books where the villain really acknowledges that killing their enemies could just cause more problems for them via turning them into martyrs for a cause. Also, the way he’s so polite and soft-spoken while also being a complete monster... This book genuinely gives me chills. Extra bonus points for the part in the hospital, the absolute nightmare of having all your organs slowly removed and sold off and everyone around you is being so nice about it? ‘Oh, don’t worry, Alex, it won’t be so bad. Here, take your medicine. Do you need anything?’ Literally just. What the fuck. 

Also Ash can fucking fight me. You put your own godson in horrible danger on purpose! You killed your best friend! Bastard. 

...And just in case the book wasn’t disturbing enough, Yu’s fate at the end lives in my mind rent-free and I think about it on a concerningly regular basis considering that the chances of that happening to me are so low they’re practically in the negatives. Damn you, Horowitz.

I would also be remiss if I did not mention just how much I love the tagline ‘once bitten, twice spy’.

5. Crocodile Tears

Ah yes, the book that kickstarted my drift away from the church... I kid, of course. I drifted away from the church for completely separate reasons. But Desmond McCain is always going to scare the shit out of me. The ability to kill countless innocent people while blissfully quoting Bible verses (that he takes wildly out of context and uses for his own self-serving means) is... well, I could actually say a lot about what that reminds me of, but I’m here to rate books, not religion. Moving on. This book has some really stellar antagonists, and the plot is chilling in a way that feels a lot more realistic than most of the other books. Even if some of it is a bit farfetched (sabotaging a nuclear power plant? Really?), the idea of using disasters for your own profit... well. I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate on why that is so believable. The Poison Dome is also a really cool and chilling scene--even Alex, who has the luck of the devil, can’t get out of that one unscathed. Further scares come in with the fate of Harold Bulman--imagine having your entire existence wiped and your identity changed while you were asleep! The breakdown he has over it is almost enough to make me feel sorry for him, even though he was ready to exploit a teenager and make his life a living hell just to turn a profit. Note the word almost.

Also. The opening makes me cry. Specifically the line talking about how Ravi’s kids would ‘never meet Mickey Mouse’. I lose my goddamn mind every single time I read it. That little personal touch turns the scene from a statistic to a tragedy. Once again: Damn you, Horowitz.

4. Stormbreaker

Yeah, this one gets the special cover shot. And why not? What we are looking at here is the birth of a legend. Move the fuck over, James Bond, Alex Rider is on the scene now. Anyway, yeah, this book is pretty damn spectacular. It has its stumbles, but as the first book in a series, that’s to be expected. Still, it pulls you in from quite literally the first line and keeps you going right up until the end. (If you came here from my post of memes, you know how much the line ‘Killing is for grownups, and you’re still a child’ destroys me.) It has the debut of much-beloved characters such as, of course, Alex--but also Jack Starbright, and of course, the best MI6 agent of them all, which is to say Smithers. Hell, even Yassen Gregorovich, especially once you get through Russian Roulette... Man, that was a rough one. 

Seriously, though. This is a really good book. The scene with the Portuguese man-o’-war still gives me the chills to think about. (Have you ever looked up pictures of those things? They’re beautiful, but holy shit will they make you regret being born. Nature is funny like that.) 

We also get the introduction of, of course, Alex’s patented sass (his response to Sayle saying he relates to the man-o’-war is HILARIOUS) and we get the inherent humor of Alex screwing up an alias one time and then just going by Alex for the rest of the series so he doesn’t do that again. Really, kid, I know you’re not a trained spy or anything but did you never play pretend growing up? Ever? You can’t pretend your name is Felix for a little while? That sounds like a you problem.

3. Scorpia Rising

I distinctly remember when this book came out, actually. I was on vacation at the time, and I remember my brother annoying the hell out of the poor workers at a bookstore we frequented there to see if/when they were going to get it in. They did, finally, and we bought it immediately, and I was of course absolutely desperate to read it. He got to read it first, though. -_-

This is a great book, an absolute emotional rollercoaster all the way through. The way Blunt tricks Alex back into service by staging a shooting was exactly the kind of cold, brutal behavior I’d expect from him. Seeing Julius come back was shocking, but very exciting, too. And Razim makes an incredibly chilling villain, with his absolute disregard for human life and his desire to measure pain. Also, seeing Smithers’s house was so much fun. Smithers in this book was just really fun in general, but he’s really fun in every book, so... nothing unusual there. But also, I want an unwelcome mat. Please?

2. Eagle Strike

‘But Penny,’ you might ask, ‘why is this book so high on your list? It has so much of Sabina in it, and you said she annoys you.’ That is true. What does not annoy me, however, is basically the entire rest of the book. I love the tense opening, and then reading through Alex’s real-life ‘playthrough’ of Feathered Serpent is still one of my favorite scenes. Cray is absolutely incredible as a villain, with the way that he truly believes in his cause--which is undoubtedly a good one! Yet the extremes to which he will go for that cause, and the fact that he very nearly succeeds, are what elevate him to one of the most dangerous villains in the series. That scene with Charlie Roper and the nickels is something I can never seem to stop thinking about. Actually, I think about it basically whenever I think about large amounts of money paid in small increments... 

Also, I really enjoy how he gets into the whole plot in the first place, and I really enjoy Smithers saying ‘ah, fuck it’ and helping him out anyway. Go, Smithers. You once again prove me right in saying that you’re the coolest adult in MI6.

The revelation that Yassen knew Alex’s father is one that absolutely blew my mind first time around. The way his life was threaded into the lives of the Rider family--he worked with John Rider, was saved by him, killed Ian Rider, and then died for refusing to kill Alex Rider--wow. Wow. It gets to me. It really gets to me. This book is a masterpiece. I heard that it’s going to be what the second season of the TV series is based off of, and I’m so hyped for that. We love to see it, we really do.

1. Scorpia

I don’t believe anyone who says this book didn’t get to them at all. I just think they are lying. I don’t think it’s humanly possible to not be affected by this book. God. Just thinking about it reminds me of why I don’t think it’s possible. I mean, come on. We get all this backstory about Alex’s parents, we get tricked along with him into thinking MI6 killed his father, then bam, that was a lie, and Alex may have just fucked himself over big time. Also, that plot is terrifying! (And I bet anti-vaxxers had a field day with it, huh.) Julia Rothman is a really great antagonist, one of the only ones who didn’t go and explain her plan in great detail to Alex--the fact that she didn’t actually being a plot point was something I personally found pretty clever. In general, this book is... I tend to hate when people say they ‘can’t put it down’ because it’s usually an obvious exaggeration, but that really is how I feel reading it.

And again. If that ending didn’t get to you... Well, I just think you are lying.

[vinyls-and-valentines]

✨sandkid angst? (romantic, if you’re comfortable)

Description: In fair Battery City where we lay our scene, from two grudging rebel factions to allies fighting side by side, and young love ending in hot white lights and blood, the stainless walls watch tonight as heart shatter like they’re made of glass.

Warning(s): Major Character Death, Smoking, Blood, Graphic Violence & Death

Additional notes: Holy shit, this is long and i promise i’ll upload it later to ao3, but i’ve just spent the past 5-ish hours writing this, so good morning, i’m going to sleep now <3. 

ao3 link | requests prompt post

Kobra never really understood the appeal of the Lobby. Even when he lived within the concrete City walls, everything about the place seemed too crammed and chaotic for it to be somewhere enjoyable- it’s like a dozen little plants growing in the cracks of a concrete sidewalk where a tree’s roots had dug underneath and worn it out in time. Still, the green is always pretty against the dull shades of white and gray, and that’s what Kobra’s looking at as he sits on that rickety old fire escape with a cigarette dangling from his lips while he rummages in his pockets for a lighter.

“Need stardust?“ a voice asks from nowhere, and Kobra’s hand instinctively finds his switchblade as he looks up at the stranger. 

He’s maybe a few inches shorter than Kobra- clearly a juvie hall, judging by the way his dark coat still has an intact bottom hem despite its length- and looks like a cross between a skeleton and the crash queens in NewsAGoGo’s magazines. His hair is long and stringy, sticking out at odd sharp angles from a mix of hair products and damage from dying it over and over again, but what really ties the whole look together is the large skeletal grin painted on his face in black and white, matching the dark smudged make-up around his eyes.

“Use you big boy words, juvie. I can’t understand shit you’re saying.“ the blonde killjoy huffs, tentatively letting go of his knife as he resumes his search for the small red contraption he’s claimed as his own. If any of the others stole it again-

“Well, what’s the fun in that? There is no drama!“ Sandman complains, jumping down to join the other on the platform below and startling him out of his thoughts as he instinctively clutches onto the railing for dear life, “There was a great pre-war writer who once said the whole world is a stage, y’know.“

“Shakespear.“ Kobra supplies, as he gives his pockets a last once-over, “He wrote like...dozens of throwaway works and he’s only known for a couple. Not that impressive if you ask me.“

“Still impressive enough they’d burn him.“ Sandman shrugs, leaning over the railing and into the night, and the former finds himself staring at the way the streetlights below hit the juvie’s jawline for longer than he’d like to admit to himself.

“Sure.“ he admits dismissively, coughing to shake the confusing haze he’s created in his own mind, “Do you have a light or something?“

The question makes the other grin widely, what feels almost as wide as the fake smile plastered over it, and for a painfully long moment Kobra knows exactly how a coyote caught in the headlights feels like- frozen in place, yet unable to look away or run from its impending doom.

“That’s what i asked you when you told me to use me ‘big boy words’. I asked if you wanted stardust- ‘sparks’, if you will.” he explains, sitting down and threading his legs through the bars in the guardrail, swinging them over the street like he doesn’t have a care in the world.

“Yeah, well i don’t speak your- your, uhh...“ Kobra snaps his fingers as he wracks his brains for what Ghoul had called the juvie slang all those years ago.

“Fiction diction?“ Sandman fills in amused, leaving the other no choice but to nod bashfully as a blush slowly its way creeps onto his face.

“Yeah. That. My friend- Fun Ghoul- they tried to teach me it, but nothing really stuck. It’s like i’m cursed or some shit- i can’t use slang to save my life.“

“Huh, so your little black-haired friend is an alleycat.“ the juvie muses and the blonde turns with the intention to ask him what the term means, but the words get stuck in the back of his throat as he catches the former looking at him already with a lazy smile on his face, “What else should i know about you, darling?“

“Depends on what you want.“ he answers distractedly, as every cell of his body screams in protest of the decision he feels himself edge ever so closer to, every word that they exchange. The cigar had fallen away from his lips at some point, but in the moment it felt like the most insignificant thing in the universe.

“What i want?“ Sandman’s eyes flicker down for a moment, so fast that Kobra almost convinces himself he’s imagined it in, caught up in his own stupor of being so close to someone he thought was attractive whether or not his pride let him admit it, but then the juvie hall is kissing him.

It’s just a small peck, near the corner of his mouth- an invitation of sorts or perhaps a love letter in its own right- but it’s enough to short-circuit the blonde killjoy’s entire nervous system. He pulls the other back by the collar, bringing him down in an insistent kiss, as his hands find their way up the detail of Sandman’s lapel and to the back of his neck as the latter’s get tangled up in his hair. There is a hunger in the way their mouths move together, but it’s underlined with the desperation of knowing that whatever this is it could never last, that something is bound to come along and break them apart once and for all.

That something turns out to be the hissing of a blaster, as it shoots out bolts of white lightning into the starless night sky and startles the two young adults out of their impromptu make-out session, sending them both back up to the apartment window they’d come out of. If the circumstances were different, the two would’ve been no doubt mercilessly teased for their tousled hair and red faces and how Sandman’s make-up had mysteriously made its way over to Kobra’s face, but as the two doubled over trying to catch their breaths and barely clinging onto each other for support there is only confusion and concern written on their faces.

“Vamps- Dracs.“ they tell their respective crews, when their lungs finally allow them, despite aching like they were drowning on shore, and the room shares a terrifying feeling of understanding before each scramble for their respective weapons.

By the time the masks make their way to the apartment the rebels made into their base, they’d all already made it out onto the fire escape, Benzendrine closing the window shut with a yelp as glass shatters under the attack of a dozen violent rays of light. The stairs shake like an earthquake to end all things as the eight of them clamber down the sheet metal steps, Kobra momentarily loosing his footing and falling down halfway onto the platform below before Sandman pulls him back up and holds him close, softly kissing the back of his hand, as they make their way further down. 

It’s the fifth floor that Jet, Ghoul and Poison are forced to open fire against the enemies below returning it tenfold, and the third that Dr. Benzendrine, Donnie and Horseshoe are forced to do the same with the dracs following them down the fire escape, leaving the two young lovers helpless between them as they all slowly dropped into the middle of the madness. Dracs circled around the bottom of the steps like rabid dogs and no matter how hard Kobra and Sandman tried to stay by each other’s side, they got separated in the chaos of dodging lights and swinging wildly at anything dressed in spotless white.

Kobra finds the other again after getting rid of a particularly annoying group of draculoids who’d decided to be smartasses about it and swarm the killjoy in an attempt to overwhelm him, which while it had temporarily worked, it only pissed him off more than anything. Sandman has his back turned to the blonde, seemingly producing knives from his coat and using them to stab or throw at anything that comes too close, but soon into view comes a drac like a cloud passing in front of the sun, if clouds had blasters and were trying to kill the sun.

The young ‘joy tries to warn him, but a gloved hand covers his mouth and an arm firmly snakes around him, trying to constrict his movements before he even gets the chance to make a sound. Instinctively, Kobra stomps on the mask’s foot and headbutts it hard until it lets go when he stabs it wherever his switchblade lands before he charges at the one aiming at Sandman, taking it down with a yell as he drives his blade through its spine, “Fuck off, stupid motherfucker!”

As it falls, the draculoid fires and misses its target making Sandman turn around just in time to see another one of the brainless soldiers walk up to the rebel on still the ground and take its aim. Time seems to move in slow motion from that point onwards. Sandman tried to warn Kobra about what’s behind him, but he’s too late because as the killjoy turns around the damned thing fires, hitting him in the throat. The juvie lounges at it, knocking it off its feet and stabbing at it repeatedly to make sure it would never be able to get back up from where it laid dead like a horrendous roadkill in the middle of the alleyway, before he cast the knife aside and crawls over to Kobra’s side, who has a hand wrapped around his throat and is sputtering blood.

Sandman frantically tries to reassure him everything will be fine, that he’ll be okay, though the more he says it the less he knows which one of them his words are meant for. Benzendrine passes by at one point and Sandman yells at them to go grab Horseshoe and tell her to get the med kit because they have an emergency, but the next familiar face that surfaces from the chaos is Party Poison who drops their blaster to the ground which seems to clatter louder than any of the noises from the fight as they crumble next to their brother shouting and crying and desperately shaking his shoulders as they plead for him not to die- not to leave them again.

This time the juvie manages to warn Poison about the enemy creeping up behind them, which they charge at with an angry cry as they disappear back into the chaos. By the time the sun begins to rise, everything is quiet, two killjoys laying dead amongst more draculoids than one could or would reasonably want to be able to count on even two or three or four hands and a pretend-medic unconscious in the arms of another. The first killjoy, a lanky thing with old scars littering the backs of his arms and a nasty gash in the side of his neck lays with his head cradled in the lap of someone who would’ve liked to one day even be considered his lover. The other, is at the top of a pile of dracs, a knife- Sandman’s knife- sticking out of their chest like a cruel mockery of a gravestone.

As Sandman sits there, soaked in blood and sweat and sunlight and Destroya knows what else, he can’t help but laugh. Laugh at the irony of how death and sleep look so much alike

[hasspartacusdoneanythingwrong]

The Flame-Soaked City, Part 5

With CasCu joining them, the master triad and co. head deeper into the heart of the Fuyuki singularity. What will they uncover as they approach the source of the altered history? (I mean if you play FGO you probably know this already, but hush. We’re hyping up the mystery here!)

TW: implied body horror, villain that would hurt a child, Lev Lainur

If it’s between <triangle brackets>, that’s a mental note between masters, and if it’s between {whatever these are} it’s the viewpoint character.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

{Jeanne}

With the arrival of the new caster, we not only gained a powerful ally, but knowledge about this singularity. What started as a Holy Grail War quickly became a fight for survival as the Saber converted the other servants to her side somehow.

Spartacus was very happy to find out there was a "tyrant" taking control of the situation. If it means he will actually help us from here on out we won't fight it. The best news however is that our caster friend knows healing magic! We're so close to being able to see again!

Kat: <Hey Jeanne, why are you saying all that stuff that just happened?>

Jeanne: <Because Cris never pays attention, and we don't need them getting lost next time they front.>

Cris: <Oh come on, I'm not that bad!>

Jeanne: <Really? What is Caster's name?>

Cris: <So you were saying about our eyes getting healed?>

Cu: Alright, we're all set little lady! Let's see what we can do about those eyes of yours.

Romani: Your vitals are good on our end, Hannah. We'll probably have to do this again when you get back, but the less time spent wandering in the dark the better.

Cu: I don't need you to tell me my magic works, mage.

Marie: Go ahead with the procedure, Caster.

The runes surrounding us lit up, infusing with mana as.... nothing happened.

Cris: Oh, you have got to be shitting me.

Cu: It's quite alright, you're not the first maiden to be taken aback by my-

Cris: No jackass, I still can't see anything!

Mash: But the spell worked, senpai! Your eyes look perfectly healthy!

Cu: You wouldn't happen to be cursed, would you?

Romani: It's more likely one of two things. Either we need to heal Hannah in the present, or the problem is psychosomatic. Either way, it's not a problem we can solve now.

Jeanne: That's unfortunate, but at least we're not any worse off for trying. It gave us plenty of time for a break, at least. We should get moving towards- As we stood up to move, our foot caught a rock in the worst way, and we took a spill.

--- {Cris}

Cris: Agh, motherfuck... er...

Holy shit, I can see again! God, blasted hellscape never looked so good. Wow Mash does not look comfortable in that armor. And that old guy in blue must be caster.

Cris: Wait, were you flirting with me? You're like 40, what the hell?

Mash: This is wonderful! Thank goodness!

Marie: We might just have a chance now.

Jeanne: <Maybe switching reset something?>

Kat: <That doesn't make any sense.>

Jeanne: <I know, I am just spitballing here.>

Cu: It's a step in the right direction, but her eyesight is clearly off. I'm still plenty young.

Cris: We can argue on the way. <Jeanne, you remember which way we need to go, right?>

Jeanne: <Leave it to me. We should travel much faster now.>

---- {Jeanne}

And with that switch, we are back in darkness.

Jeanne: That is less than ideal.

Marie: What happened now?

Jeanne: Hold on, I need to test something. <Kat, do you mind?>

--- {Kat}

We can see! Everybody's starting to look a little freaked out.

Kat: <Wow, those hassans really aren't wearing much, huh? They're pretty!>

Cris: <That's enough ogling, I'm turning this body around.>

--- {Cris}

Jesus, why the hell was Spartacus standing right behind us?

Cris: <Jeanne, why are you blushing? ...God, I can't take you two anywhere.> I pull us away from the big lug and back towards the sane part of the party.

Cris: Okay, tests done. The good news is I can see. Mostly. The bad news is that while we mostly have control over when it occurs, we might go blind at random, or if I get like, surprised or highly emotional.

Marie: And how, exactly, did you figure all that out by gawking at your servants?

Kat: Intuition.

Romani: You'll have to deal with it for now. After we get you back here we can work on a more permanent solution.

After we got on the road things went pretty smooth. The skeletons were pretty much a joke now that we could see them coming, and Caster even found time to teach Mash some new tricks. We barely managed to keep Spartacus from picking a fight with that berserker that's running around. Kat chatted with Saber and the assassins (I kinda zoned out for that tbh) and eventually we reached our destination. We hadn't even entered the cave yet, and already we could feel the raw energy pouring out of the thing.

Mash: Senpai, look out!

Mash threw herself in front of us as a sword, twisted, almost to the point of being unrecognizable, embedded itself in Mash's shield.

???: Sorry, but that's as close as you'll be getting to Excalibur.

Cris: What the hell?

Cu: I was wondering when you'd show up, Archer. I see you're still Saber's faithful knight, as always.

Archer: I don't know anything about that. All I'm sure of is there's an old pain showing up again.

Cu: You lot run on ahead. I've got some personal business to take care of.

Spartacus: Let him deal with the gatekeeper, we must strike at the heart of this tyranny!

Cris: Wait wha-

Spartacus grabbed us like a sack of potatos and ran into the cave. As we were getting dragged along, the opening salvos of their duel lit up the entrance behind us.

Jeanne: Assassin! Keep a couple personas near the entrance, and let us know if we'll have to deal with Archer.

Most of the remaining Hassans peeled off from the main group. Mash and the other servants were able to easily keep up with us, though Marie had to be carried on one of the larger hassan's shoulders.

Finally our bumpy ride ended in the opening of a large room. In its center stood a crater, with a massive beam of coalescing energy running from the floor to the ceiling.

Marie: The greater grail... what's that doing in Japan?

Spartacus: Face your end, oppressor! We have come to finish your reign of-

Before he could finish his sentence, a beam of energy burst forth from near the crater. It sucked the light out of whatever it touched, and when the dust settled, less than half of Spartacus' torso fell to the ground. I took a step closer to Mash.

Saber Alter: I have no patience for fools.

A servant clad in black platemail calmly strode forth, her sword still crackling with energy. With the veins on her armor pulsating, the entire thing almost seemed alive.

Saber Alter: You there, girls. You both have an interesting noble phantasm. I would like to test them.

With no other fanfare, she rocketed forwards, and her sword met Mash's shield. Mash and Saber Lily settled into their routine again, but Mash's training was already paying off. The older saber clearly wasn't used to fights against someone who could block her sword, and Mash took advantage of that to force openings for Lily to strike.

Alter was clearly going to lose, so she disengaged and fired off another beam from her noble phantasm. Mash responded in kind, and the black energy dissipated against the shield of light.

However, Alter expected this. and was simply using the beam as cover to get in closer again. Mash never saw the kick to her side coming, and she was easily sent flying, leaving Saber Lily alone with the experienced swordswoman.

It should have been a bloodbath. It was definitely one-sided, but for some reason Alter was holding back. Lily was mercilessly beaten down to the ground, but there was the slightest bit of hesitation that grew with each attack.

Kat: <Hey Jeanne? Do the scanny thing. Trust me.>

--- {Jeanne}

Jeanne: <Okay? I don't know what you- oh.>

We could no longer see the action, but we could still feel their spirit origins. Alter's was twisted by several things, much like the shadow servants we faced up to this point, but at her core, one thing was obvious. The saber lying on the ground and the saber standing over her were the same person.

Kat: <You guys seriously didn't notice they have the same face?>

Alter: It is useless, child. I am inevitable. I am what it means to be king.

Lily: Even if that's true... even if I'll be like you one day... I'm not you now, and I won't stop fighting you here!

Lily struggled to her feet, and focused all she had left into one final attack.

Lily: Sword of Selection, grant me your power!

Alter: Vortigern, Hammer of the Vile King reverse the rising sun.

Lily: Cleave the wicked! Caliburn!

Alter: Swallow the light, Excalibur Morgan!

The energy of their swords clashed, light and dark twisting around each other before it was all unleashed in an explosion that shook the cave.

--- {Cris}

Both sabers landed heavily. Alter lands in a heap near Spartacus' body, armor cracked from the impact. On the opposite side, Lily lays still, her spirit origin already starting to come apart. Alter pulls herself to her feet.

Alter: I will make this quick.

Before she can take a step, however, a large hand grabs her foot. Spartacus' body hasn't reformed enough to move yet, but he's alive, and that's enough.

Spartacus: HAHAHAHA! Come oppressor! Break your sword against my love!

Cris: Fuck yeah! I totally knew he was okay.

Jeanne: <Are any of us good at lying?>

To her credit, she damn near tried to do exactly what he said. Saber Alter launched blow after blow into the arm hold her in place. Each swing of her sword pulling energy from the greater grail and forcing it directly into Spartacus. We took this chance to run over to Lily. Mash had finally pulled herself from the wall she got launched into and was already there.

Mash: Senpai, your orders!

Cris: Just get your shield up and be ready!

Finally, Spartacus' body had enough. The energy stored within it writhed and began to break through, covering the cave in a bright purple light. Spartacus himself never stopped laughing the entire time.

Alter, and everything else that wasn't behind Mash's shield, was devastated by the explosion. When the dust settled, Spartacus was alone, collapsed on the ground, still smiling. ---- {Kat}

Kat: Lily? Lily it's over, you did it!

Lily barely stirred, her spirit origin was falling apart.

Lily: You were right, Master... Our journey was a lot shorter than I thought.

Kat: No! No, no, just hang in there. We can go get Cu, and he can... do something, I don't know!

Lily: I know this wasn't the best place to meet, but it was fun, right?

And then she turned to dust in our hands.

----- {Cris}

Kat was completely inconsolable, so I had to take over to keep things stable.

Marie: That was unorthodox, but well done. I guess even a third-rate mage can produce first rate work when pushed. Several points are still unclear, but we can call this mission a success.

Marie: If it is any consolation, now that Saber Lily has been recorded by Chaldeas, you should have an easier time resummoning her. She won't have any memory of this place, but that'll be true of any servant you summon in Chaldea.

???: Well, well, well. I did not expect you to get this far, Master of Chaldea. You've performed well beyond our expectations. And survived beyond the limits of my patience.

The voice came from everywhere at once, a cacophony that could barely be called speaking.

Cris: <Jeanne?>

Jeanne: <I'm on it!>

--- {Jeanne}

Suddenly, it appeared, standing over the remnants Alter left behind.

Jeanne: <what is that. what is that. what is that what is that>

Kat: <Jeanne?>

Jeanne: <what is that what the fuck is that What The Fuck Is That What. Is. That.>

---- {Kat}

It was Lev. We couldn't hear what he was saying over Jeanne's... whatever was happening to her. Mash put herself between us. Marie ran straight for him. Then hellfire opened beneath her feet. Olga's voice cut through.

Marie: No! Stop! I haven't even accomplished anything yet! From the moment I was born, I've never been accepted by anyone!

And she was gone. Jeanne finally calmed down.

Lev: You fool, Romani! You haven't figured it out yet? The future isn't "missing". It's been incinerated. It, and everything else outside of Chaldeas' protection. You lost the grace of our king, and this is the natural result.

The ground beneath us began to rumble.

Lev: Ah, the singularity is collapsing already. Farewell, Romani, Mash, Candidate #48. I have many places to be.

He was gone.

Mash: Doctor, perform an emergency rayshift, now!

Romani: This will be close, I might only be able to pull one of you out.

Mash: Senpai!

Jeanne: Mash!

Romani: You're not helping!

Mash and I joined hands. The world fell apart, and everything went black.

{Cris} We came to with a start, on the floor of the command center. Already some of the hassans were leading a cleanup effort to make the place more presentable. Mash is still alive, thank God, and Romani's also here.

Romani: Good, you're awake. I'm sorry to dump so much on you already, but time is of the essence. Are you alright with a briefing right now?

Cris: I mean it's not like I'm going to feel better any time soon, let's rip the bandaid off.

Romani: The main topic: Lev was right. Human history has been incinerated. Almost no space nor time on earth has been spared, culminating in the end of time at the end of 2018. The few points that still exist are these:

With that, Chaldeas lit up with seven bright points, each one with data pouring out of it.

Romani: These seven singularities are turning points in history that have been altered to change humanity's present. Chaldea is protected from this effect for now, but that protection won't last forever. Here's what we need to do: We need to fix these singularities if we're to have any hope of saving humanity. You are our only master, and the servants you've summoned are our best bet. I know you don't have much of a choice here, but I have to ask: are you willing to do this?

Cris: Of course.

Kat: <We will.>

Jeanne: <For Marie.>

Romani: Excellent. Well then! Our object is to protect and recover human history. Our opponent is history itself. To challenge our fate is an act of blasphemy against the past itself, but this is our only chance of survival. This is now the highest and only priority of humanity: a Grand Order.

Cris: Well, Spartacus? How's that sound? A rebellion against fate itself? Spartacus simply grinned, but for the first time it seemed almost genuine.

[cassyapper]

OKAY IVE ACTUALLY PLAYED TWO SESSIONS SINCE MY LAST POST SO IM GONNA COMBINE THEM HERE SORRY FOR THE LENGTH BUT,,IVE COME SO FAR I DONT WANNA STOP NOW

this is gonna be very messy cause i WILL be jumping back and forth as things come back to mind so uhh pls enjoy this absolute ramble <3

anyway. i continued playing omori and boy do i have some Thoughts

so first session; i went through the pyre(something i forgot the full name sob) forest/sprout mole village/sweetheart’s castle in one go and let me TELL YOU. DOING THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE I WENT NUTS holy shit.

so anyway.

pyre forest!!!! the lil race against the big spider coming after u for disturbing the smaller spiders mechanic was very fun i had a lot of fun figuring out the best routes to take. i know normally mechanics like that lead to ppl getting frustrated cause u have to keep retrying but i had a lot of fun!!!! sum annoyance but good natured type, th kind that just makes u try harder u know? i just enjoyed it JKFN;FN; candles in the foggy forest....now That is an aesthetic

the rare bear scared the fuckin shit out of me i remember it didn’t attack me straight away so i was like “aw (:” but then when i press x on him it takes me to a BATTLE SCREEN AND SUDDEN THAT MF IS TERRIFYING I WAS LIKE WHWHWHWHWKJDNJ. very funny i honestly wished i recorded my reaction

also omori is afraid of drowning...................................i am breathing heavily. i think whatever happened to mari is related to at least one of the things omori is scared of. so either heights, spiders, or drowning it seems. spiders doesnt seem super likely as a contributor to her death, and while falling from a height is more realistic, such a senseless way of dying doesnt seem to rlly fit ? with the vibe i get from the kiddos in the real world. which makes me think maybe drowning/otherwise suffocating is how she died...but we’ll see. also due to the forgotten library part, we know omori explicitly feared spiders/drowning before mari died so it’s also probable im jus talking out my ass here but still,,,,thoughts

also this motherfucker?

literally fucking terrifying. IT’S BODY IS MADE OF SUCC’D SPROUT MOLES...i still have no idea what exactly it was doing to them but jesus h christ!!!! evil and fucked up. do not feel bad for curbstomping it

sprout mole village!!!! very cute, im v excited to send that one dude his brother’s care package. i like how, when theyre not lost, sprout moles can be real endearing lil guys,,,theyre not my fav lil enemies but (:

also for some reason omori is the first game ive played where i really care about getting achievements ? so i literally did the back and forth on my save file just to get all the season sprout mole achievements JKDJFJ;. i ended up sticking w spring tho before moving on for real cause spring is my fav season irl (:

also i felt SO BAD for cutting down that one sprout mole’s chistmas tree he was just trying to celebrate but i wanted to see that present and coincidentally becoming a christmas ruiner was an achievement so all’s fair in love and war i suppose

ALSO. th fuckin plant monster thing under the scientist sprout mole’s room. major little shop of horror vibes from the design, absolutely adored it!!!!! originally i did  just cut the wire holding the piano over it, ending it in one go, but i was very curious abt it so i reloaded a save file to actually fight it and

i know it only spread that gas to make the kiddos happy cause being happy reduces attack i think ? it decreases attack/defense but seeing the kiddos smile so much was nice (:

however

omori...sunny....son boy.........u good ?

and now. sweetheart

the way the sprout moles completely adore and depend on sweetheart gives me such awful evil vibes and combined with such a luxurious background was fucking incredible

sweetheart herself, speaking of. bitch (sorta affectionately, certainly not derogatory)

i talked to every sprout mole in the audience before taking my seat and i literally dont know why. even when i picked up the pattern of where the unique dialogue could be found (usually the sprout moles farthest right) i still talked to all of them......just in case ? i have no idea. i dont know why i did that. i feel it’s important that i note it tho

LMAO SO WHEN SPROUT MOLE MIKE DID THE MINUTE OF SILENCE FOR YE OLD SPROUT MOLE

I LITERALLY FELT SO FUCKING BAD LMAO I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD NO!!!!!! I DID THAT!!! I KILLED HIM!!! OH MY GOD!!! I WONDER HOW AWKWARD OMORI KEL HERO AND AUBREY FELT IN THE AUDIENCE HOLY SHIT THEY HAD FRONT ROW SEATS TO SPROUT MOLE MIKE’S MOURNING!!! MY GOD FJKFN;;

also sprout mole mike describing 3′7″ inches as ”towering” was the FUNNIEST shit i have ever seen. also i have to wonder, since sweetheart made up the whole show of sweetheart’s quest for hearts in the first place, if she was seriously down to marry a sprout mole if one suited her fancy. jus v funny to me honestly. SPEAKING of sweetheart’s dating patterns I NOTICED THOSE FEM SKELETONS IN THE DUNGEON!!!!! BI SWEETHEART!!!! SHE’S JUST AS DOWN FOR GIRLS AS SHE IS BOYS

i know TECHNICALLY not everyone is in the dungeon for failing to be a good enough suitor but STILL...COME ON. THIS WAS BEFORE WE KNEW THAT. SWEETHEART BI I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

anyway

when the lights when out and lightning struck the third contestant, i knew Immediately something was gonna go down. and when the mustache sprout mole was like “oh yes!! u!! in the striped pjs!! u absolute beast ur perfect!!!” i KNEW hero had just been selected as the replacement i was goign completely fucking nuts i was like OH MY GODNFNG; HIS HEART IS ALREADY TAKEN BY MARI!!!!!!! STOP

i ended up taking so many screenshots during this part cause i was going feral so here take a glance just cause i love, uh, hero

OUR HERO IN SHINING ARMOR DJLBH;KFJB

also GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IM SHORTER THAN HERO

hero shaking on the stage when he was introduced...oh my HEART....IM SO FOND FOR THIS BOY WTF!!!!! DKJDN;N

this is not really NEWS to me since it’s implied hero is tall but like come ON..... sorry just every time i find out a character is explicitly taller than me i need to huff about it, moving on,

HERO FUCKS

sorry i just have so many screenshorts during this aprt cause i was going fucking crazy but

literally terrifying! sweetheart bathes in that shit!! christ!

is blood good for ur skin? i imagine, so long as like...gore isnt in it and it’s solely blood it cant be BAD necessarily......but good ? regardless very fucked up. besides the fact that well, uh, BLOOD, blood is also sticky as hell. ur telling me sweetheart willinglhy bathed in that shit? disgusting. at least thin it out

anyway I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THE PUZZLES AT SWEETHEART’S CASTLE....FROM THE DUNGEONS TO THE KITCHENS TO THE BALLROOM TO THE LIBRARY TO THE GARDENS JUST EVERYTHING!!!! IT WAS SO FUN I ENJOYED FIGURING IT OUT SO MUCH IT WAS LITERALLY DELIGHTFUL...I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH THE GAMEPLAY IS SO FUCKING EPIC I LITERALLY HAVE SO MUJCH FUN.......OH MY GOD I JUST. INCREIDBLE!!!! FUCK

also the lil sir maximus bit.........i honestly felt really awful over having to kill them ): i think i even tried running once but it wouldnt let me...it hurt man ): they were just a family....

um but anyway,

i think it was rlly sweet how aubrey protested to the wedding cause she was worried abt sweetheart,,,like i cant rlly explain it idk how to put it into words,,like sweetheart is clearly not mentally well and having an episode, and aubrey being the only one to say “hey what ur doing is self-destructive and isolating” just mmmh. she cares a lot,,,and *i* care aubrey

also sweetheart’s battle theme fucking SLAPPED...SO GODDAMN HARD IM STILL QUAKING OVER IT....FUCKING BANGER YO!!!!!! INCREDIBLE

ah but alas

BASIL........I NOTICED THAT IT WAS HIS GHOST/SHADOW DURING THE EXIT FROM OTHERWORLD AS WELL BUT JUST FUCK

im so worried about basil ):

and it being so obvious that none of the others can see...........them asking omori if he’s okay.....oh my god. i go nuts

and then...the forgotten library part

i literally cried, again, oh my fucking god

these kids loved each other so much they ADORED the time they spent with each other and im QUAKING to know WHAT HAPPENED TO MARI......HOW DID THE FALLOUT GO. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

i know there are multiple endings to this game and on god i am not QUITTING until i get the happiest ending there is for these kids im literally a goddamn fuckign mess oh my god

MARI SHWOING UP IN THE LIBRARY AT ONE POINT AND LEADING OMORI...........IM LTIERALLY GOIGN INSANE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE LOVED HIS SISTER SO MUCH HE’S SO CLEARLY LOST WITHOUT HER I CANT FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

GOD

okay sorry i just. ive said ti before but the grief in this game is so real and palpable and it aches, it aches so bad. also the white egret orchids in the library...i see u

but regardless.... session two real world electric boogaloo

LOVE that kel is like “so i need to run errands but u wanna come with me right? of course u do!” like fuck i rlly do. kel is just so delightful i would literally do anything to spend time with him

ALSO i noticed u can just refuse to open the door both times kel’s knocked now and it makes me wonder....if u could choose to ignore kel ? and then venture out urself or just ? i wonder what would even happen if u chose to not open the door. im CERTAINLY not doing it myself at the very least not this playthrough but i am curious...i bet that’s how u get a bad ending, by not talking w kel

but anyway....

aubrey and her gang not saying anything in the pizza parlor........i jus think abt that is all

ALSO!! pet rocks!!!!!!!!! LOVE this lil thing it’s so cute. jus rock paper scissors it babey

speaking of lil bits, love all the mini quests in the real world...it’s just rlly fun and builds up this cute lil town........it also makes me think that whatever happened to mari cant have been anything except an accident, bc no one comments on what a tragedy it was to omori. like if it was murder, there’s no way such a horrific situation wouldnt engulf the town for a bit and sweep over it for weeks at least, but that just doesnt seem to have happened. this is def me reading too into it tho;; point is neighbors nice (: also i got the seashell necklace and i go apeshit

ALSO......THE FUCKING...........CHURCH. I VISITED WITH KEL ON A COMPLETE WHIM CAUSE I WAS CURIOUS IF THE PASTOR WOULD TALK MORE ABT AUBREY BUT NO. INSTEAD HE TALKS ABT THE WEIRD VIBE FORM THE GRAVEYARD HE’S GETTING!!! AND THE DUDE WHO CHILLS IN THE GRAVEYARD SAYS SHIT ABT THE SPIRITS GETTING READY FOR SOMEONE TO JOIN THEM!!!! BITCH WAHT THE FUCK

THERE’S NOF UCKING WAY THIS ISNT ABOUT BASIL. THERE IS NO!!! WAY!!!! I SWEAR ON GOD IF BASIL DIES I WILL LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP CAUSE THERE IS LITERALLY NO OTHER WAY HE COULD DIE EXCEPT SUICIDE THAT’S WHAT IT HAS BEEN IMPLYING OVER AND OVER I GO NUTS I GO APESHIT NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK

OKAY SORRY I JUST. HHHHHHHHHHH

baby has acquired baby

kel’s family is rlly cute,,,,v heartwarming. i trust them

i do worry abt like...the stark difference between recognizing kel’s accomplishments and hero’s...i just idk. i just keep thinking abt that bit in kel’s story abt hero’s depression when his parents focused on hero and ignored him, and i just. kel’s family is good People but i worry if kel has a good support system...i jus........): i am watching

ahh THE BASIL MISSING PART MADE MY HEART LITERALLY FUCKING DROP..I WAS SO FUCKING PANICKED I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS IT BASIL IS DEAD

THANKFULLY HE WASNT BUT HOLY GOD HOW THAT WHOLE SITUATION PANNED OUT MADE ME GO NUTS!!!!!!! BASIL...AUBREY...HER GANG.......FUCK OH M YOGD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

THANK G O D I SNOOPED AROUND KEL’S HOUSE BEFORE LEAVING I WOULD HAVE H A T E D TO FIGHT THEM ALL AT ONCE IM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO JUST PEPPER SPRAY THEM JESUS CHRIST

oh my god kim like asking for aubrey all concerned before deciding to trust her and leaving.....kim i diagnose u with lesbain

the whole fucking. basil almost drowning scene. i seriously feel like ive changed like as a person over it. i am thinking . i am thinking. i am only evee thinking about mari and how omori just loved her so much and how the thought of her gave him strength. th pic of her ghost holding omori’s hand in the water made me cry

MMMM BUT. HERO!!!

I DIE I DIE I DIE HE’S SO PRETTY FUCK ALSO HIM PICKING UP BASIL WOOOOOOOO THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT YEAHHHHHHHH

god i feel so bad about leaving aubrey tho. shes so clearly not okay and she so clearly did not mean to push basil in and oh my GOD I JUST...PLEASE....PLEASE CAN WE JUST TLAK TO HER I NEED TO TLAK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO FUCK

the ghosts of omori and aubrey on the swings made me cry out like i had been physically assaulted

AHH BUT THEN TAKING BASIL HOME AND WHILE HE’S IN HIS BED HE JUST SAYS “oh sunny...there’s not way out of this...is there?” I LITERALLY GO BUCKWILD APESHIT INSANE STUPDI!!!!!! BASIL YOURE PUTTING UP A LOT OF ALARMING FLAGS HERE!!! PLEASE DO NOT FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK. CHRIST. HELL. SHIT. THIS GAME IS DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY

GOD

oh my god but the day ending with hero and kel sleeping over at omori’s house...im kdnd im jkdim im not uhm okay THEY BUILT A BLANKET FORT PLEASE..I LOVE THEM

goddd hero going into the piano room....playing sum........and then asking omori abt the song he and mari used to play on violin...and then THE TITLE SCREEN MUSIC STARTS PLAYING....HI. HI HELLO HI YOU CANT FUCKIGN DO THAT HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUFBJFGJNGN;EJNE; IM GOIGN NUTS

also the name omori comes from the piano.............interesting...i wonder why sunny likes being called omori in the dreamscape...

god but omori not having a srs hallucination cause he’s w his friends and he feels safe...im gonna sob

However. i did glance into the bathroom mirror. AND INSTEAD OF THE EYE MF IT’S A DISTORTED AS HELL GHOST MARI???IM SO FUCKIGN SCARED. IM SO SCARED. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK? CREEPY AS HELL!!!

ohh my god this GAME

so finally i ended up in whitespace again. do NOT like that omori is completely alone in the world!!! what the FUCK!!!!!!!! I AM SO SCARED AT ALL TIMES. im literally about to go play sum more tho after dinner so i will see what happens. god i jsut......this game is so fucking good it has me by the balls dude. SO glad i decided to play it bruh

anyway thanks for reading all of this if u did, it’s an absolute monster ik and ur a real one

[has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong]

Just Another Day in Fuyuki

Follows the events of Fuyuki’s 5th Holy Grail war from the perspective of an ordinary student.* (also lmao i put it on ao3 too)

*(This idea was based off a hilarious YouTube comment I read)

The first time she realized that something was rotten within the town of Fuyuki was on a cool, midnight blue night. It was a night like no other, ivory rays of moonlight dancing atop her skin as she took a casual jog past the all-too familiar gates of Homurahara Academy.

It should’ve been a normal night, yet the streets were much more silent than usual. Before she could spin to the side to cross over to the next junction; a powerful array of red lights assaulted her eyes, darting around like spirits.

‘WHAT?’ As she looked back, she saw that the red lights were emanating from none other than Homurahara Academy itself! That was strange, she had never witnessed such an event before.

‘Looks like we’ve got a case of delinquents at our place as well, huh?’ All it took was a split second for her to turn her back against the bizarre sight, regarding it as no more than a minor prank. Well of course she did. It’s not as if anything exciting happened within Fuyuki, anyway!

Little did she know that such an action may have saved her very life...

‘Good morning. Recently we’ve been sighting reports of multiple gas leaks and bloodless murders. In addition to this, there’s recently been an online trend of blurry pictures of people wearing suspicious cosplay being shared online. Many sources suggest that...’

As the local Fuyuki news blared yet more macabre news surrounding recent incidents, the young girl slipped on her wood brown loafers, as she patted down her coffee brown school jumper.

The young girl’s name was none other than Sakaki Ayane; a student of Homuhara Academy. As she jammed her plain, homemade bento filled to the brim with Strawberry Cream Sandwiches and Fried Chicken Cutlets into her extremely ordinary school bag, and switched off the plain television with a bland remote, a singular thought passed her mind.

‘It really is just another normal day in Fuyuki today!’ Sure, the news was terrifying- but hey, as long as her daily peace wasn’t disturbed, she was fine! Slamming the door to her basic house closed, she skipped through the mundane streets of her hometown, warm sunlight beaming down on her face, as she bowed politely to  fellow shop-owners and neighbors.

See, her life was totally fine! There was no need to worry about the news, or that time she witnessed giant fireworks at her school, after all! Everything was definitely all-ok!

As she prowled past numerous mounds of identically-emblazoned students, and sat herself right in the middle of Fujimura Taiga’s homeroom class- students guffawing at their sensei’s top-notch sense of humor- she breathed a sigh of relief.

However once lunchtime passed, Ayane was shocked speechless by a minor change to her daily lifestyle. Just as usual, her orange-haired classmate- Emiya Shirou- had caught the entire hall’s attention, due to his lively interactions with a twin-tailed genius named Tohsaka Rin. Ayane was pretty used to their interactions by now- Emiya would bust out into an awkward show, whilst students would gasp, their faces marred with awe and jealousy. As for Rin, she knew next to nothing about the beautiful girl, except for the fact that she’d sometimes catch her mid-conversation with Emiya, using rather surreal vocabulary such as ‘holy grail’ and ‘mages’.

Thinking it was nothing much, Ayane was convinced that Emiya and Tohsaka were a bunch of Roleplayers or something. She didn’t know much about the genre, but found it to be quite fun to imagine scenarios such as being a mage fighting over holy grails, and fighting dangerous beasts- such as skeleton armies. ‘I mean, why else would they talk as if they’re in the middle of a quest?’ Taking another humongous munch out of her sandwich, shock finally settled into her pores once she noticed that something was a little off about their interactions this time.

‘Where’s Shinji?’ That greasy-seaweed-haired, smug little man’s features were very prominent in Ayane’s mind. Based on her assumptions, he was the kind of idiot who kept on trying to interrupt Emiya and Tohsaka’s Roleplay sessions- much to both their chagrins.

However, this time- he wasn’t here at all?! Where had he gone off to? ‘I guess they finally kicked him off their Roleplay club, once and for all.’ Ayane heaved a sigh at that. She had no idea why they’d accommodate such a selfish guy in the first place; seeing as he always kept on trying to centre their Roleplaying on topics concerning himself instead! ‘If I was a Roleplayer, I definitely wouldn’t want him on my squad!’ Incredulously tapping her feet against the linoleum flooring; she tried to think of various reasons as to why Shinji was kicked out of the gang.

But it was to no avail. Slamming her head against the tea brown shade of her desk, she groaned.

That was it! There was no choice but to catch the latest gossip! Packing up her lunchbox, she rushed out of the classroom like a blur of wind; leaving bemused classmates in her wake. Running as if her life depended on it, she leapt onto the school roof; caught sight of the local gossips- and pulled out a spare sandwich.

“I’ll offer you this sandwich! So, spare me the news, what’s going on with Shinji?!”

A bunch of confused girls, smack bang in the middle of a game of cards- looked up at Ayane, their faces confused.

“Shinji? Who’s Shinji again?” A girl with blonde hair and piercings shrugged her shoulders.

“You know, that rich guy? That one that has cash leaking outta his pockets.”

“Oh, that guy? Have no clue.”

“A friend of a friend of a friend dated him. Said he’s a pain in the butt to be around.”

“Yes, that’s the one!” Ayane pointed excitedly, as she plonked herself in between the girls, her body heaving with laboured breaths. “So, what happened? When did he disappear?”

“If you want details like that, you’re gonna have to offer more than a sandwich,” The blonde-haired girl whined. “You’re always asking us for gossip these days, Ayane.”

“A-ah, is that so?” Anxiously wiping sweat off her forehead, Ayane rummaged through her bag: oodles of paper; pretty rocks; textbooks and other strange materials clattering onto the stone ground. Eventually, she uncovered a small talisman from her bag, eyes gleaming with excitement. “How about this then? I’m sure this is worth quite a bit of yen!”

“Dude, my sister bought that for 500 yen the other day. No dice from me.”

“It’s pretty cute, though...I’ll take it!” As one girl happily exchanged it with Ayane, the others spun their heads in horror.

“Kikuo! You damn betrayer!”

“You can’t be human, accepting such a cheapskate offer!”

“Damn, though...I can relate. Who can resist cute things, amirite?”

As they began to squabble, Ayane laughed. Nothing beat a good gossip session!

The school day had finally ended, with only the loud cheering and yells of various school clubs filling the now empty halls of Homurahara Academy. As she pulled out her loafers from her metallic gray shoe locker; a conflicted expression crossed her face, as she recalled the events of her gossip session.

“Ah, that Shinji? Well, it was really odd, but he pissed off right after a major incident hit our school!”

“W-what happened?” Ayane was more or less right in the other girl’s face, her eyes bulging with curiosity.

“E-erm, well...” Blushing awkwardly, the girl scratches her face. “I mean, weren’t you there? It was kinda unforgettable.”

“Actually, I decided to take a day off school that day.” Ayane’s directness was like a major slap in the face for the others. “School can be really boring sometimes...”

“I had a feeling you’d say that...” Another sighed. “Well anyway, some HUGE shit happened. Like we were all sitting in class one second-”

“- and then there was this weird- ass red light-”

‘What is it with our school and red lights?’ Ayane’s gut instinct could tell that something was strange about this story. It felt unreal.

“-Yeah, and then like everything just blacked out. Like the only memory I have is of me waking up the next day or something.” The other girls nodded in assent. “It’s like some freaky curse possessed the shit out of Homurahara Academy or something!”  None of them were able to fill in the missing blanks about what happened; eventually blaming it all on poison gas.

“Well, anyway; Shinji disappeared from that day onwards. Not like that’s a bad thing, mind you.” And that was it.

As Ayane exited the gates, a heavy cloud permeated her mind. Time was certainly out of joint, for them to not even be able to recall what happened! ‘Maybe Shinji was possessed by a ghost...’ Strolling by the courtyard, she caught sight of a familiar purple-haired student.

It was Matou Sakura. Because Ayane was such a nosy student, she recognised her as that one shy girl who’d label her classmate-Emiya, as her senpai. As she passed the girl, she bowed ever-so-slightly in respect, as Sakura embarrassedly bowed back. Watching after her back, yet another terrifying wash of surprise crawled across her back.

Didn’t Sakura usually meet up with that one super-glamorous, plum-haired model-like lady on her way home? It was strange to see Sakura walking home alone.

‘Shit’s really hitting the fan now...’ Ayane mused, as she turned in the opposite direction. She needed an emotional escape to purge herself of the encroaching force of dread threatening to engulf her body. ‘Ah, that’s it! Let’s go to the harbour!’ Regaining her previous sense of joy, Ayane more or less sprinted to Fuyuki Harbour. Aside from a few guests, people going fishing- and the odd seagull- it was often quiet, making it the perfect place for silent contemplation!

She more or less flew towards the harbour, breathing in a deep gulp of the fresh sea air once she arrived. The harbour was like heaven, drifting clouds trundling overhead. Pointing exuberantly at that one special lighthouse perched far away, she grinned. ‘This is the best- OH?!’

Before she could release a scream of joy, she caught sight of something.

It seemed as if she wasn’t alone at the harbour, after all. Shielding her eyes from the billowing wind, she caught sight of a rather fit man in skin-tight black pants; and a figure-hugging white shirt. But what really caught her off-guard was his bold blue locks of hair.

‘Hey, wait a minute!! Why does he remind me of those blurry pictures of people wearing suspicious cosplay?!’ Clamping a hand over her mouth, she prayed to all of the gods and deities in the world to disguise her presence. Seeing as the man was looking so intently at the sea, she didn’t want to disturb his peace time. ‘What a shame...’ One of Ayane’s favourite hobbies was to scream at the harbour, where nobody else could hear her. However, she would be cordial to this visitor today. ‘You better watch out, blue hair!’ She declared in her mind; fists clenched. ‘I’ll be considerate today, but won’t be next time! If I see you again, you’ll definitely have to put up with me screaming at the sea!!’

As she moonwalked as silently as possible away from the sparkly man, a major thought hit her mind. ‘There sure have been a lot of beautiful people with stunning hair colours hanging out in Fuyuki lately...’ It made her somewhat excited yet terrified at the same time to see just how much her daily life was changing.

Oh well, there was no choice but for her to release her pent-up emotions somewhere else instead. As a rather detailed map of Fuyuki appeared within her mind, a lightbulb popped in her brain. ‘The Fuyuki City Centre!’ Nothing was better than throwing one’s emotions at a cup of ice cream. ‘I’m a genius,’ Ayane twirled down the road, pattering rays of sun following behind. After screaming at the sky in the park (startling a few children); and buying the biggest matcha sundae that she could afford, she was all set for the day and ready to go home.

Although today had been quite suspicious, things were finally settling back to normal. Or so she thought. All peace instantly came to a halt, as she bumped into something quite long. ‘Oh crap!’ Raising her head, she came face-to-face with none other than a human wearing a... strange combination between a... biker outfit and school uniform? ‘Never seen an outfit like that before.’ As she bowed in apology, a piercing gaze reminiscent of death itself froze her body to its very core.

“The humans of this era are such pathetic mongrels...” The voice trailed off, as the harsh man’s presence all but disappeared.

‘Err...What?’ Once he was out of sight, her legs buckled; as she fell to the ground- passer-by's sparing her disgruntled glances. ‘I’ve never felt a presence that scary before...’ Clutching her heart anxiously, the shadow of death curled itself around her chest; suffocating her breath. It would take until the pitch black of night for her to regain her composure again. As she trawled back home within the dark, Ayane exhaled painfully, clutching her head.

What a weird day this had been! ‘I’m so glad I’m home now.’ Relieved, she withdrew her jangling keys from her bag; overjoyed to be right in front of her basic house again!

“Yay, I’m home-?!!!!” The ground beneath her rattled ominously, as she toppled to the ground- her eyes rattling wildly. Powerful tremors rippled around her, warping Fuyuki into the most demonic rollercoaster ride she had ever had the displeasure of experiencing.

‘WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!!’ Idealistic images of the bland, mundane Fuyuki that she loved were shattering, right before her eyes. As a mere human she was blissfully unaware of the blood-curdling terrors lurking right beside her, in this cursed town...This was the fate of those unaware of the events of the Fifth Holy Grail War.

THE END

(lmao Ayane is the weirdest original character EVER. However, I do wonder what random passers-by think about all of the strange crap occurring in Fuyuki!)

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs “Rival in the Circle”

First, I want to apologize, I wanted to make this a single longer story, but I have been traveling the past few days, and haven't slept much. Plus the guy sitting next to me n the airport is taking a conference call and won’t stop talking, so I cant concentrate :). So I am going to have to do this in two parts. I hope you like it anyway. 

Forgive my writing when I am tired :) 

Sunny was worried, very, very worried, her stomach had been in a constant state of churning ever since the transmission had been intercepted from Anam (her home planet) bringing with it the news of their bicentennial war gathering, which consisted mostly of ritual combat and war games conducted among all the major military leaders across the whole of Drev society. These games were primarily conducted in order to prove their worth as a Drev citizen. During this time bets could be waged, land could be fought for, and tribes could be absorbed or dissolved. Not only that but subordinate Drev soldiers could publically challenge any rival leader for their position by way of combat. This ritually would generally happen only once or twice a lifetime for the average Drev, and participation was only possible if you were lucky enough for it to fall in the prime of your life. 

Neither of her parents had ever participated though they would have been alive as children the last time the gathering was held. Smaller trials of combat were held on a daily basis in Drev society, and though they did not lead to fame and fortune as fast as the gatherings could, they were also far less potentially lethal.

The ritual in itself wasn’t troubling to her exactly, it was the fact that, ALL Drev leaders MUST attend mandatory or lose their right as Drev citizens, lose their respect as warriors, and forfeit their command positions. Of course you could challenge someone to a fight simply to prove your superiority, but that wasn’t guaranteed to happen, and all other options were far worse.

As a Drev leader, she would be required to go, but of course she didn’t worry about that, what worried her was the fact that she had, without thinking, given up her position of command to Adam, and by Drev law, as an adopted member of her tribe, he would be required to participate.

Every time she closed her eyes, she imagined his small, squishy breakable human body collapsing under a Drev beating. Yeah the humans had won the Drev war, and dominated them in combat, but it had been at a terrible price proven by Adam’s missing leg…. The leg she herself had taken from him.

He was a warrior, but he had no idea what he was getting himself into.

Just as her thoughts were beginning to wander down that dark path, she felt a familiar weight settle itself onto her back feet standing lightly on the buddy-pegs that had been applied to her armor when she became part of the human crew.

Adam leaned against her shoulder peering at her with a bright casual smile, “Brooding isn’t a good look for you.”

As all Drev could, Sunny saw the world through a four rod spectrum consisting of the visible light spectrum, as called by humans, and the UV light spectrum, used as an auxiliary by the Drev. With their colorful carapace, UV light became an important aspect of beauty on their planet, a fact that many humans would never be able to see. Sunny saw the world in a multitudinous array of color and light.

And just like every other time in her life, Sunny was struck by the human’s unseen beauty. His bright eyes, in her perception, almost glowed with their green intensity shot through with turquoise. Strange patterns and swirls stood out on his skin, detailed stripes that only she could see, that appeared like a constellation across her skin, perceived in her brain as a glittering trail of blue green sparks across the human’s skin.

She frowned craning her neck around to get a better look at him. One gold eye met one green eye, “I just don’t think you understand what you are getting yourself into.”

When the human smiled his teeth glittered with highlights of delicate purple “Contraire my shiny friend.” He patted her arm, “I have actually been planning for this eventuality for a while now.”

Her brows scrunched in surprised confusion, “You have.” Inside her head she tried not to imagine what color his blood would be under the strength of their sun.

He raised an eyebrow, which just barely peeked out from under the edge of his eyepatch “What’s with the note of surprise. You act like I just spend most of my time flying by the seat of my pants.”

That made her laugh, which broke some of her nervous tension, “That’s because you do. You are the LEAST prepared person I know.”

He waved a hand, “Well this time I planned.” He grinned. I have been dying to show you the surprise for ages now.”

“Surprise, what surprise?” 

“Shhh, now MUSH, onwards! To the equipment room.” He gripped his arms firmly around her neck, as she trotted away towards the equipment room generally relishing the familiar weight of her first and only battle partner.

 Reaching the equipment room, she was surprised to find that the usual stacks of ammunition, and boxes of batteries had been cleared away leaving room for a large open space that was teaming with engineers, both Drev and human.

Commander Vir dropped from her back as they entered and scampered, with his quick human step, across the open floor and towards a glittering metallic behemoth at the center of the room attached to various diagnostic equipment by way of a myriad of spider-webbing cables and tubes. Sunny had to filter out the UV light in order to get a better look at the thing, and image which quickly resolved into the tall figure of a….. Drev? Well not exactly a Drev, but a pretty good approximation of one made entirely from the same materials used to make the Commander’s prosthetic. It had a light titanium skeleton barely seen through a thick, stretchy layer of material approximating skin. Over top of that steel plates had been fitted in to replace armor. Looking at its face, she could see it had a convincing set of false mechanical eyes.

Commander Vir turned a wide grin splitting his face, “What do you think.”

She stood frozen in place staring at the shell, “What is it?” She wondered distantly

Energetically, he leaped up to pat his creation on the elbow, it was pretty small for a Drev, maybe only eight feet tall, but still a good two feet taller than him, “This is tactical exo suit repurposed to look and move like a Drev, though as our lovely Drev tell me, your kin won’t exactly take me seriously if I cannot feel pain, so it’s been completely integrated with a neural link with touch, pressure, and pain sensors in all the appropriate concentrations. It can even see in Ultraviolet as I am told, though how that is going to look is beyond me.”

He motioned her closer, and she walked up to examine the thing, where it stood tall and soulless above her.

The human looked up, his wide, guileless eyes begging for her approval, but she didn’t know how she was supposed to feel just yet.

“See, take a look.” The sea of engineers and consultants parted as the man stepped onto the platform pressing a release sequence on the suit which split open at the midline and moved outwards. The torso, parts of the legs, parts of the upper arms, and the head cracked open to reveal a human shaped hole on the inside. With the help of a few levers, and some convenient handholds, he hoisted himself into the machine and stepped backwards.

His body fit comfortably into the opening, a strange gel like substance suctioning to his body even as the metal casing began closing around him with the soft rattling of multiple latches. The machine powered up with a short of mechanical hiss, and before she knew it, it wasn’t a shell that stood in front of her, but another drev.

It drew itself up against the leads, flexed its legs, and arms, and rotated its head.

“When its eyes opened, she found two very human eyes looking back at her, bright green and glittering. When the mouth opened, it spoke with a very human voice, “What do you think.

Softly, she stepped onto the platform and looked upwards towards the face, so strange, but somehow familiar.

He was taller than her now.

They stood staring at each other for a long time before, “There is one thing….”

 ***

 When they walked out into the Drev sun for the first time standing side by side, she was hit suddenly by the volcanic rush of air she hadn’t felt in over a year. Glancing over, she looked sidelong at her companion. He was a good foot taller than her, with unnaturally green eyes, and a glittering carapace of vibrant green. She wasn’t sure why she chose that color for him…. Perhaps because it had always been her favorite, or maybe it was because naturally it would have been such a rare color, maybe it was that she wanted him to be different.

She had spent the night before alone in the equipment bay gently applying the color to the cold steel. Her own little silent project.

It was a strange sort of feeing on her part, but she felt a melancholy watching him with this new armor. Things were so different when he was a human, their dynamic was different, but the addition of this….. well it changed things.

She found herself glad that this suit was not intended to last.

“Engaging UV operations.” He said from inside the suit.

The eyes flashed rebooted, and then he was back. His head turned in a wide circle confused and dazzled all at once, “Holy Shit! So many….. Colors.” Overwhelmed by the sight before him, he turned his head in a wide circle before stopping to land on her. There was a long pause as the head tilted to look at her more clearly, “Wow…. Sunny, you…. You’re beautiful.”

She was left standing in his tracks as he walked off along the landing strip and towards the distant moss-covered fields.

She caught up with him eventually, “And thanks to me you aren’t terribly hideous.”

An eye turned to look at her sidelong. No matter how much he looked like a Drev, he still moved like a human, lithe quick movements on the balls of his feet, with a grace that openly contrasted the brute force of the average Drev.

“Thanks for that.”

“I mean the suit is a great help, you know coverers up that ugly problem you have.” She motioned wildly with her arm.

“You just motioned to all of me.”

“Yeah, and your point is?”

He nudged her rather aggressively to the side just then knocking her off balance and nearly tripping herself onto the tarmac. He cackled and flexed his arms, “Oh yeah, I think I could get used to this.”

She rubbed her arm, “So now you can be big AND dumb.”

They were still laughing by the time they made it to the edge of the tarmac followed on either side by an entourage of Drev and marines. The Drev who were unwilling to pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity, and the humans who just wanted to see their commander get a righteous ass whooping.

All in good fun of course.

A group figures waited for them at the edge of the field. There was the Drev GA ambassador, with his distinguished silver carapace and towering height. Next to him stood, who sunny assumed to be his battle mate. Her armor glittered a pleasant orange peach, and a thickening about her trunk suggested she carried an unborn Kit within her. Behind them stood other members, of what she could only assume to be, the temporary Drev council. They weren’t exactly functional, or even useful in these particular situations, but they had found in prudent to at least create a figurehead council to demonstrate the illusion of control.

Most Drev tribes refused to work together on principal, and since the council members were a representative of the tribes, they tended to disagree so much that doing anything was out of the question.

Commander Vir stopped before the council. Even in his new armor, the average Drev towered a foot to half a foot over him.

With a sharp hiss, the carapace opened, and the man stepped off onto the stone for the second time in his life.

To the surprise of the council, he then preformed a traditional Drev greeting. Compared to most Drev his vocal range was quite high, but his human voice box managed the sounds well enough that the council understood and glanced between each other in shocked surprise.

“I am Commander Adam Vir of the U.N.S.S Harbinger, protector and envoy of the galactic Assembly and Battle commander to the wandering tribe. My command is loaned to me by Sunny Lumnousdaughter rightful battle commander of the wandering tribe, and we are here by tradition to take up your challenge as obligation demands.”

At the back of the group, one of the Drev gave a snort of derision. He was tall enough, but his carapace was nothing more than a muddied brown giving him a distinctly brutish cast. That had Sunny worried. With a carapace like that, he surely didn’t gain command for his beauty, but his fighting ability, “What right does an outsider have to our traditions.” He had o translation device and spoke only in the Drev native language.

Commander Vir responded, though his accent was poor, and his voice rather broken, “I was rightfully adopted.” He lifted the pant leg to show the Drev prosthetic to the watching crowd, “And if that is not enough, I have bested many of your brethren in battle during the war, and despite losing one of my limbs, I STILL live as a functional warrior, which is more than many of your soldiers can say…. I hear.” He grew quiet then, and Sunny waited with bated breath. It was a gamble, the Drev didn’t feel the same way about the crippled as humans did. What was inspiration to one was a hindrance to another, but eventually the Drev nodded.

“Very well human, you may participate, and you will be shown no mercy.”

At the head of the group, the GA representative stepped forward, “And what is this.” He prodded at the mechanical armor, “Tradition requires that no armor shall be used during the proceedings…. You would ignore our tradition/”

Commander Vir Stepped back into the carapace which closed around him, “To the contrary, Here I can see what you see and feel what you feel. It may look like armor, but as my Drev engineers can attest, I have full access to pain. In that case it is poor excuse for armor. Furthermore, it would hardly add to your honor to rip apart a human. If anything it would prove you a coward for fighting me in unfair combat.”

She had to give him credit, he knew what was important to the Drev, and that shut up their arguments for the time being. Together they walked side by side down a short, mossy trail to where a massive encampment had been made. Unlike humans they required no temporary dwellings, but rather contented themselves with sleeping under the stars their backs to rocks and cuddled into the moss. The important part came by way of a hundred or more circles of dirt and stone cleared completely of moss, which would in turn be used to feed the many mouths that had come to participate.

Even as they watched a good twenty or more duels were already in progress. From what she could tell they were relatively low ranking duels probably between subordinate members of the tribes looking to rise in status by way of combat. The humans watched with great interest as they were lead to their spot to wait, a few of them parked themselves where they could more easily see one of the closer duels, discreetly exchanging credits as they amused themselves with betting on the fights.

Sunny stood with Commander Vir, and together they waited for the real fighting to begin.

***

To her surprise, Sunny found herself first in the ring challenged openly by one of the younger Drev of, what was left, of her old home tribe. Though he was young, he was nearly a foot taller than her, but had a rather unattractive mustard yellow carapace. She felt bad for him, if he couldn’t find glory in combat, there wasn’t likely to be any other way for him to move upwards, but she wasn’t about to give up her hard earned respect for this runt, and quickly pounded him into the dirt. A few of the moves she used were unknown to the Drev, and a Reconciler had to be brought forward to determine if her action was legal. In the end they determined that new fighting styles were acceptable, and she was given the win.

Once upon a time, winning a duel would have been a big deal to her, and despite this being her first formal duel, she felt nothing more than pity for the young Drev carted away in shame.

It was all too easy now.

Fighting had never been easy for her.

As day moved into night, a few of the council members were challenged, but subsequently defeated their subordinates. Sunny fought in two more duels winning easily on the first and more slowly on the second.

After her second fight was when Adam was first challenged. It looked like some new and unchallenged juvenile assuming that the human would be easy to defeat. Sunny worried for the first few minutes that that might be true, a defeat at such a low level would be catastrophic for his reputation.

She shouldn’t have worried though.

Where the Drev had brute force and determination, the human had guile, refined tactics from greater experience, and a greater reason to win. Sunny had never assumed their species capable of such acrobatics, but, Commander Vir put the Drev body through its paces locking the young Drev into a crushing chokehold in under three minutes. If he had wanted, he could have snapped the younger creature’s neck, and was completely in his rights to do so, but it was generally frowned upon to kill a young Drev in a duel, especially if the terms of the duel did not contain a, to the death, clause.

More people were looking him over sizing him up as a true threat now.

Most of the time, he kept himself on the outside of the suit standing next to it and staring down anyone who dared look at him wrong. As a predator, his stare could be pretty intimidating, but she just found in sort of cute. Humans were adorable when they were trying to be intimidating.

There was a soft pad on the stone behind her, and she turned around to find a familiar face.

Moss, a member of the crew, and an old acquaintance of the tribe stood behind her. His handsome green carapace glowed in the sun above, and at over nine feet tall, he posed a strapping figure.

She found herself reminded suddenly of an ashen day, and the feeling of terrible humiliation.

“Sunny.”

“Moss.”

Commander Vir had turned from his position watching the fights, his eyes falling on the conversation. He grew very still head tilted slightly to the side. The invisible constellation over his skin glittered softly.

“What do you need?” She wondered voice stiff but not unkind.

The Handsome head lifted itself high, “I am here to challenge you.”

Everything around her grew suddenly silent. Commander Vir had stood from his seat and watched with wide shining eyes. The other humans stood as well staring onwards at the two of them standing atop the hill, feet resting against the cool stone.

Moss lowered his head, “I challenge you as equals and offer myself as your partner in battle if you can match me in combat.”

[dialava]

I’m never gonna writing this because I despise writing because I never finish so here ya go

This is very Naruto-like but every 100 years the Prince of the Fae and his most trusty knight get reincarnated

And would you look at that, Draco is the prince and Harry is the knight

So anyways, Draco runs away from the manor when he’s 9 because his mind is screaming to get away from Voldemort because that man is bad juju

And Narcissa is like, holy shit where’s my little dragon go, but Lucius is a dick, fuck Lucius and my homies hate Lucius, is like, welp I can always make another heir so then Scorpius is born

Right so like everything goes on normally like in the books written by Hatsune Mike because fuck J.Karen Rowling, but except no Draco

So boom, it’s the golden trios 7th year and Harry’s like, can I finally chill???

But then he wakes up to a dream in the ruins of a castle and he like, :O

Then he turns around and proceeds to have gay thoughts because he’s stunned by Draco who looks etheral

But like they don’t know each other, well Harry doesn’t know him yet

So Harry’s like “who the fuck are you pretty stranger” and Draco is like “moron you still don’t know wow” but not in those words so Draco just gives him a skeleton key and then Harry wakes up because Ron was yelling at him because he was gonna miss class

And then Harry is like “bro I just had another dream look” and shows him the key and Ron’s like “alright what’s all this then”

So then they miss class to complain to Hermione who’s like, I’m sorry to break this to you Harry but it seems like you were a knight in your past life

And Harry’s like :O

So ya da ya da goes I never actually finished reading Deathly Hollows because I read HP in 8th grade but then I promoted so it’s been 4 years since I ready HP

So idk it’s the war with Voldewhore and Harry is like, hey lemme go see where this key takes me because it’s been burning in his pocket so it’s like a very nice game of hot on cold and then he goes deep into the forbidden forest and finds the castle that he dreamt of and he’s like “w o ah” and uses the key to open it because it might be in ruins but it’s /magic/

So anyways he’s walking in there and then he finds Draco sleeping because like cmon classic sleeping beauty but not really, Draco just went to bed

And Harry’s like “yo dude you awake” and pokes him and then he’s being shoved into the floor with a sword on his back and Harry’s like “wow that’s hot why am I turned on”

And Draco is like “bro really”

And Harry’s like “dude it’s time” and Draco knows so he sighs and is like “yo let’s go fuck some white Karen’s day you” and whistles and calls him pretty horse and Harry’s like “wow I’m gay” so then they ride towards the center of the war or sumn like some gay cowboy movie and like the death eaters and dumblewhores army are just staring at each other with /sexual tension/ and Dracos like “bruh”

And Narcissa is like “holy shit is that Draco and Lucius is like “wtf where you been you stupid boy” and Draco is like, fuck y’all boomers

And Harry is like “yeah what he said”

So ya da ya da they fight it whatever until Draco hands Harry his sword and he’s like “this is urs” and Harry’s like “cool” and then it starts glowing and lighting grows around it and Draco is like “f u c k y e a h b r oski” and grabs his dagger because he’s that bitch and suddenly it turns cold

So anyways they beat the death eaters and yeah idk what else I’m just bored and I’ve read every good Drarry fanfic and I’m sad because like it wasn’t even that good they’re just mediocre at best like there’s no flavor, millenials I’m begging you to add more flavor and not quote shorty vines

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

Ok, let's see how much I remember of the Dissidia Plot without looking anything up:

SPOILERS

1) So, some time in ancient times, there are two nations at war. I assume one of them is the Lufenians since Cid of the Lufenians is there, and the other had powerful weapons like Bahamut (or maybe summons, can't remember, anyway the other country is military stronger while thd Lufenians are more scientifically advanced).

2) Anyway, Cid and his wife are, like, the head researchers for the Lufenian Government, and are tasked with building a "Weapon to surpass Metal Gear the Omega Weapon," the other country soon to be perfected doomsday weapon, and I don't remember if it's them creating him or if they, like, find a alien baby in the woods ala superman and shit (most likely the later given what happens next), but they find Chaos (FF I) as a small demon baby, and the Lufenian governmemt decides to train him and raise him as the new weapon, having Cid and his wife as heads of the project since Chaos has basically imprinted on the guy's wife as his mother.

3) Anyway, they try to prepare Chaos for war, but Cid's wife is opposed to this, and tries to, like, prevent her "baby" from getting abused and used, but then she dies during a accident/assassination attempt and Chaos goes berserk and uncontrollable, causing sone sort of disaster.

4) Meanwhile I don't remember which atmy is also undertaking a project invving creepy manequin soldiers that mimick other people weaponry and skills, that becomes important later.

5) At some point the Lufenian government starts a Cloning Project and clones Cid's wife to keep Chaos in check. She's called Project something or another, and then goes by the name of Cosmos. They also try to copy Chaos but end up with a mindless, feral beast without reason, sealing it somewhere to degenerate.

6) I think at some point Chaos and the Omega Weapon fight, and Shinryu (FF V), a big ass dragon god of rebirth and shit, is also there, can't remember fighting for whom, maybe as a neutral party. Anyway, the world (From now on, World A (In universe called as such)) dies, the only survivors being Cid, now turned in a Moogle, Chaos, if damaged and lacking most of his memories, some Manekins, Cosmos, with conflicting memories, the Chaos Clone, sealed in a rift, and a bunch of other moogles.

7) Shinryu, the dragon god from before, then appears to... someone, maybe cid, maybe other lufenians who somehow survived, never got that part, and offers to save the world or heal Chaos and bring him onto the state the Lufenians wanted him to become, might be both. Anyway, He creates World B, a perfect copy of World A, and places the survivors there. Cosmos is given half the world, Chaos the other half.

8) So, now, the deal with Shinryu is this: Chaos and Cosmos, now elevated as Gods, must fight each other in perpetual war. They summon pawns to fight in their stead and then, after either god "dies" in the war, Shinryu will show up, reset the world to a state before the start of the cycle, resurrect the fallen and absorb their memories and powers, while those who survived the cycle keep them for the next one. By doing so, Shinryu can now feed himself and Chaos, each new cycle, can train and gain some more power for himself since he technically wins every war, thus growing even if his memories are missing into the perfect super weapon for a empire that isn't even there anymore.

9) The first Cycles are on a Skeleton Crew, Chaos gets Gabranth (FF XII) and Garland (FF I, more on him later) while Cosmos gets Shantotto and Prishe (Both FF XI). The Manekins are still around, unbound, and are outside of Shinryu cycle, so if they manage to kill someone they can't get renewed by the dragon anymore and disapear from the cycle. They get later sealed on a dimensional rift somewhere, unknown to anyone.

10) Gabranth, Prishe and Shantotto get erased from the cycle at some point, we don't know how If I remember correctly, but first Prishe finds Warrior of Light (FF I), with no Helmet, somewhere in the world. Due to dimensional fuckery and Shinryu absorbing warriors' memories, shards of other worlds start mixing in with World B, so you can be on the surface of FF IV moon one day only to stumble in a hole and end up in Ultimecia's Tower, so he's, like, in FF I Chaos Shrine, with no memory of who he is. She gives him a name, they flirt a little, then he becomes a pawn of Cosmos despite never being called there by a god. Garland is the only one who recognizes him, but is not forthcoming with the answers.

11) Garland, literally the first boss of the first final fantasy game and a one note character till the final boss of FF 1, is the most important character in this story.

In the original game, he kidnaps the princess, gets defeated by the warriors of light, and then is sent back in time becoming Chaos, only to be defeated again by the Warriors of Light later.

According to Dissidia, FFI Chaos is AGAIN sent back in time after his final battle, damaged, regressed to infancy and with no memories, to a time before the FFI World existed, to World A, and becomes the Chaos raised by Cid and his wife, and later fights against the clone of his beloved mother for Shinryu. Then, after dying for a last time in the 13th cycle, he gets sent forward in time, and reincarnates into FF I Garland again, beginning the Cycle anew.

The Garland we see in Dissidia is the culmination of all those deaths and rebirth, the apotheosis of Chaos, who knows how things are going to go, and how things have gone. He looks like FFI Garland, but holds the same magical powers of FFI Chaos, that Garland lacks as a simple traitorous knight, and has the concentrated memories of all his lives, so he knows everything and everyone, and how things will go and have gone.

12) Anyway, after a couple Cycles things stabilize into two major sides, with minimal side switching between cycles:

12A) Chaos: Garland, the Emperor (FF II), Cloud of Darkness (FF III), Golbez (FF IV, switches sides some times), Exdeath (FF V, most memed character in the game), Kefka (FF VI), Sephiroth (FF VII), Ultimecia (FF VIII), Kuja (FF IX, switches sides some times), Jehct (FF X, switches sides some times).

12B) Cosmos, with Warrior of Light (FF I), Firion (FF II), Onion Knight (FF III and Dark Souls), Cecil (FF IV), Kain (FF IV, never switches sides but does some shady shit at times), Bartz (FF V), Terra (FF VI, gets brainwashed into fighting for Chaos at times), Cloud (FF VII, gets brainwashed into fighting for Chaos at times), Tifa (FF VII), Squall (FF VIII), Laguna Loire (FF VIII), Zidane (FF IX), Tidus (FF X, some times switches sides based on who his dad is fighting for (EX, Jecht is Cosmos, Tidus is Chaos)), Yuna (FF X), Vaan (FF XII), Lightning (FF XIII).

13) In the 12th Cycle, A inner faction within Chaos' forces (Kefka, The Emperor and Exdeath and other 3 I can't remembed (I think Cloud of Darkness, Sephiroth and Garland, don't quote me on this)), discovers the rift where the Manekins have been sealed, and free them hoping they'll erase not only the warriors of cosmos before the next cycle, but even Cosmos, winning them the war for good. A second faction, composed by Golbez and Kuja among them, try to prevent this from Happening for personal reasons, so Kuja kills half of Cosmos forces, and Golbez convinces Kain to kill off the other half, so they'll be able to be revived by Shinryu.

14) Warrior of Light is the only one who didn't perish in the Purge of the main 10, and stays at cosmos side trying to defend her from the Manekin hordes. She sacrifices herself to save him from being erased, and dies before she or warrior or light can get killed, starting the cye anew. Cosmos is however weakened in the next (and last) cycle.

15) Vaan, Yuna, Laguna, Kain, Tifa and Lightning all get erased from the cycle trying to stop the Manekin horde. They seal back the rift, but the World is still swarming with them, persisting into the next cycle, while the 6 of the 12th cycle die an heroic death.

16) Yuna and Jecht manage to bring back Tidus into Cosmos' folds when Jehct sacrifices himself for him as Tidus dies, and Yuna beats the shit out of the Emperor (more on him later). In order for Tidus to become good, however, his dad become evil since that's how their cristal is based (More on this later).

17) Cloud is being brainwashed into fighting for chaos. Tifa punches him (and probably also Sephiroth, who's there being creepy) right in the dick, he remembers who he is, and dies getting back onto Cosmos right as his memories of Tifa are erased alongside her.

18) Terra is getting enslaved by Kefka in a Joker - Harkey Quinn situation. Kefka then does a stand-up comedy battle with Vaan, who wins it by out stand-up comedy Kefka, and "kidnaps" Terra. They have some hot girl summer scenes together, before Vaan goes to die at the rift for her. She shakes of the mind control thanks to him, and becomes a warrior of Cosnos again. As a side note, Vaan has a weird relationship with Onion Knight since OK is, like, a 6 years old midget, and he treats him like a little kid and brother, while most other characters treat him as a holy knight, which will become important later since Onion Knight and Terra will be one of the 5 major parties in the 13th and last Cycle.

19) Kuja is discovered by the other faction in Chaos' army and is killed, his memories altered for the following cycle. Golbez manages to weasel his way out of all of this, the other members of the factions die and are resurrected by Shinryu.

20) In the 13th cycle, a now weakened Cosmos splinters her power in 10 cristals, and tasks her remaining wariors to find them. Once they'll get them all, Cosmos will die the final death, and the cycles will stop, granting her last 10 warriors one last resurection, and the power to end the cycles for good and return to the homes they've forgotten about. This creates 4 major parties in Cosmos' army questing for the Crystals.

20A) Biggest Party is Cecil, Cloud, Firion and Tidus. They start splitting up over time, mostly Cloud wanting to be a lone wolf, and are in a mostly ensemble cast situation.

20B) Zidane and Bartz are best friends. They try to rope Squall into their merry couple, but he's even more of a lone wolf than Cloud so he is all "I work alone, I shall help my friends by working alone from the shadows too!" As he, like, basically stalk them along the way, and Zidane roast him for being a edgelord. Zidane and Bartz are split up by (I think) Kefka's machinations at some point and spend the other half of their journey trying to get back together.

20C) Terra and Onion Knight form a "Arthurian Knight and his Lady" Party, neither remembering Vaan. They cuddle while sleeping, she gets kidnapped, he gets kidnapped, he manage to talk Exdeath out of a fight by being a silver tongued 6 years old midget, the usual things.

20D) Warrior of Light works alone, first time he's not protecting Cosmos in a cycle. Due to the cyclical nature of Garland, he's the only one who fights his signature enemy both as first and last boss in his story.

21) Once they find the Crystals by each defeating their Original Villains, the chaos forces are resurrected once again by Chaos, now in complete control of Shinryu's powers, who then kills Cosmos for good, and then murders the 10 heroes. They are resurrectex by the Crystals once again, and set off to end the final cycle and kill Chaos.

22) After reaching Chaos' seat of power, they find him, like, super depressed and he doesn't know why since he just won. He has one final conversation with Garland, who knows why he's depressed of course, since he just killed the clone of his mom and shit. You kill off the 10 villains along the way, sending them back to the original worlds, before defeating Chaos in a 10 on 1 battle, killing him, unthetering Shinryu, and freeing World B from its cycles.

23) World B is then revealed to be the World of Final Fantasy I, finally back to World A primordial state, now on a grassy hill near a forest, each hero from Tidus to Firion is sent back to their home world by their respective Crystal, in descending order, with Warrior of Light remaining with Cornelia standing in the background on a sunrise, starting the events of FF I as Chaos gets Isekaid into Garland again, starting his cycle anew. The ones erased in the 12th cycle are then released back into their original worlds and times.

24) Meanwhile a secondary Timeline splinters from world B where Cosmos couldn't sacrifice herself in the 13th cycle. Chaos, now bloated with Shinryu powers, becomes a corrupted shadow, a feral beast devouring the world and its inhabitants, and only 6 survivors of either army, either cycle, are tasked by Cyd, now a moogle, with putting a stop to this. In this timeline, Chaos, now Feral Chaos, Shinryu, now Shinryu Ex, and their Clone are finally stopped, leaving a empty world, inhabited by moogles, Cid, and Cosmos, ready to begin the Cycle anew.

25) As a side note, a big deal was made for Jecht and Tidus cristal, a sort of Yin Yang power born from their conflict and fight or some shit, that the emperor was trying to harvest for his own means since the 12th cycle, but was later stopped by Yuna and later Tidus agaib after he finally beat the shit out of his awful dad. Can't remembed much else but it was kinda important.

26) Don't remember much else plotwise aside from, like... minor shit like Ultimecia and Cloud of Darkness flirting by having a philosophical debate over the concept of death, rebirth, cycles and time loops, or Firion and Lightning bonding over a Rose.

EDIT: 27) Oh, yeah, Gilgamesh (FF V, recurring dimension hopping character in other game) is also there. He accidentally stumbles upon Workd B during, like, one of the early cycles, and tries to find and fight Bartz, but only manages to have zany highjinks and adventures before falling into another rift out of the world, into another FF Game. Irrelevant to the plot, but he's Gilgamesh, so he gets a special mention.

[annasfall2020painting]

Strong/powerful words - use if making a soft tonal contrast painting

Here’s our collab list of strong/powerful words. Again, use one that you DIDNT contribute, use a classmate’s word as your subject matter. If you choose a strong word/s, your painting should use SOFT or LOW tonal contrast - ie tonal values that are similar or within a limited range

EQUALITY FEMINIST DANGER SACRIFICE FIRE DECEASED HUMANE, Halt Enough Stop Burn Hate Racism Capital punishment Explode Punish Rip Colossal Fight Blow up Guns Shred Fallen Explode, Implode, Dark, Straight, Curved, Falling, Beaten, Separate, GET OUT, MOVE, NOW, HOLY MOLY, NO, TOXIC, SULFURIC ACID, CHLOROFOAM, CHLORIDE, BLACK, THIS IS RUBBISH!, BOMBOCLAAT, confidence, trash, funky, monster, love, ugly, guns, violence, funky, war, screw you, garbage, shoot blame collide branded ripper wreck trespass sacred sped, love, hate, fear, scare, scarecrow, lion, praetor, prey, jungle, nature, green, nature, meadows, mountains, valleys, village, flood, natural disaster, volcano, tsunami, death, Peace and War, fighting, advocacy, love, together, united, speak up, awareness, happiness, able, fort, divided, KETCHUP, CATCH UP!, LEAD, PROP, ANXIOUS, ALERT, CAUTION, ATTENTION, HATE, LOVE, CRAZY, TORNADO, hate, fuck you, people are a mistake, toxic, shit talking, unwanted opinions, internet, grow up, die, threats, follow the rules, idiots, wtf, steel, fight, hard, fire, edgy, blood, punch, rise, hope, determination, hard angry, leave me alone, get away from me, get out, broken, fight, cry, upset, bye, storms, suppression, red, anger, rise up, speak up, fight, growth, Heartache, Crash, Burn, Reject, Submit, Deadline, Destroy, Rebuild, Stop, Go away, Stay indoors, Don't shoot, I'm human too, cream, fight, shut up, move, run, dance, slam, ugly, asshole, hypocrite, regret, heatwave, shame, tsunami, hurricane, disaster, destroy, revolting, rebel, screech, nails on a chalkboard, crash, accident, hurt, pain, hide your kids, hide your wife, WARRIOR, Painful, promise, embarrassing, what are you gonna do about it?, do it, i dont care, hell, FEAR STRIKES LIGHTNING, POW, tag, thunderstorm, imprint, crush, crunch, BONK, refute, broken bones, designate, RIP, Outlaw, Condemn, vomit, MONSTER, HEARTBREAK, SHUT UP, DON’T, MENS, WOMENS, BINARY, BLACK AND WHITE, INHUMANE, bought, cruel, buy, return, ostracise, 99c!, sin, assimilate, harsh, reality, bright lights, blinding, hurt, painful, angry, loud, broken, mad, ugh, OUT, LEAVE, bang, throw, storm, regret, break, push, align, separate, fallen, scream, shout, road rage, hangry, anger, trust, responsibility, cancer, fear, anxiety, feminism, protests, drugs, addiction, Horn, traffic, police, brutality, “I love you!”, “I hate you!”, STOP, GO, sharks, JAWS, bite, anger, death, life, tar, YES, Leave!, Go AWAY!, Annoying! death, decay, skeleton, murder, killing, stabbing, criminal, no justice, no peace, loud, harsh, aggressive, intimidation, punch, bully, fight, broken bones, hate,  Scream, yell, AHHHH, beam, blinding, sieze, concure, genocide, erase, sick, dictate, pulsating, banish, slap, scar, pounce, risk, drink lead, play dead, trouble , overcome, top, project, sun, trashbag, primed, loaded, delirious, trap, brutal, violent, murder, intention, strike, boast, shot, firework, crack, cut, splat, ard,  Darkness, Oblivion, Give up,  God of Fire, Annihilation, Death, Invincible, Hate, Idiots, follow the rules, fuck you, toxic, shit talking, gaslighting, unwanted opinions, cancel culture, internet, social media, scammers, threats, wtf, humanity was a mistake, why, people taking it to seriously, science, say her name, upcoming, live, animals, sad, angry, vote, change, planets, outside, power, overcoming, changing, recuperating, prospering, hiding, explotion, love, RED, government, unity, overthrow, tangy, nasty, tight, condensed, metallic, metal, knight, amour, weaponize, science, belief, community, machinery, rotary, clock, time, stop, halt, IANT, OUCH!, HURT, HARM, GREAT, GRUESOME, EXTREME, MISSISSIPPI, LEBANON, AMERICA, LOUD, GROSS, STINK, YES, NO, WHY?, I CAN’T BREATHE, NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE, SKIN COLOUR, ACTION, GET UP, GET DOWN, ARMS UP, CALL TO ARMS, BRING DOWN, IMPEACH, VOTE, LAWLESS, CHAOS, MONUMENT, EMPIRE, ANCIENT, TIME, FOREVER, GOD, INFINITY, SORRY, LIFE OR DEATH, WEIGHT, BURY, ATOMIC, STANKY, SHOULDER PADS

[nicostolemybones]

The Battle of Area 51

“This is not a game,” Nico lectured sternly, and Percy snickered. “This is no laughing matter, Jackson! Okay, let’s run through the plan one last time! Ares cabin, Clarisse, you’ll lead the charge, take down the guards, lay down cover fire for the Naruto runners! Poseidon Cabin, Zeus cabin, you guys whip up a storm to help the Ares cabin! Apollo cabin and Hunters of Artemis, you’re the snipers, I want you on high ground firing arrows at them! Aphrodite cabin, charmspeak those guards to let us past and to give us access codes to all the rooms and spill all the secrets! Hecate cabin, use the mist to make decoys! Nemesis cabin, remember, this is vengeance for all the imprisoned aliens and that’s why you’re here! Demeter cabin, slow the guards down with thick vines and poisonous plants! Athena cabin, you’re working on infiltrating and hacking all the computers! Hephaestus cabin, burn down gun stations, jam missiles, Festus can burn down doorways, I want to see you guys working on all the technology we steal and I want you all to figure out all the machines inside and use them for our advantage! Dionysus cabin, get them drunk, make them temporarily mad, weaken their defences! Iris cabin, use your abilities to disorientate and distract the guards! Hypnos cabin- CLOVIS WAKE UP- send the guards to sleep when you can! Hermes cabin, you’re stealing and sneaking in whilst the guards are distracted! Hades cabin- well Hazel- summon obstacles and summon weapons, shadow travel aliens to safety. The rest of you, just fuck shit up with your abilities! Romans; same rules apply, and follow the orders of your Praetors, do not go against orders unless necessary!”

“LET’S CLAP SOME ALIEN CHEEKS!” Connor yelled. Nico glared at him, whilst the younger campers plus Percy erupted into giggles.

“There will be no clapping alien cheeks,” Nico sighed in exasperation, “no alien cheeks will be clapped by anybody, by Olympus what the Hades is wrong with straight people?”

“Wait you’re gay?!”

“Yes but that’s not the point, just- go blend in with the mortals! Solace- you’re with me, we’ll go in with the Naruto runners and you need to make sure we don’t infect the aliens and they don’t infect us, and treat the wounded.” Percy wolf-whistled, so Nico summoned a skeleton to smack him round the back of the head. The group of demigods dispersed amongst the mortal army- which wasn’t much, but between the Kyles, weeaboos, tumblr trash, and Naruto runners, there was a fair few, and some cosplayers, DnD players, and medieval recreation nerds seemed to have a fair amount of weapons and armour- even if most of it was plastic light sabers, Klingon Bat’leths, and various other fantasy weapons.

Everything was quiet for a while, and the battle was more a staring down contest between the guards and the civilian raiders. Phones were beginning to live stream, and that’s when the Stoll brothers yelled the immortal battle cry “DO IT FOR THE VINE!!!” and the mortal crowd roared and cheered, repeating the battle cry.

“PEANUT BUTTER!!!” Tyson yelled as the crowd surged forwards. Nico screamed, Naruto running as fast as he could towards the guards, summoning skeleton armies of Naruto runners to back them up, but as soon as the guards opened fire, many Naruto runners gave up and turned away running back, or decided it best to run “normally”. One dedicated man had turned his electric wheelchair into some kind of turbo charged mini tank shaped like a Dalek. Fortnite dancers fortnite danced as they charged, Harry Potter fans desperately yelled out Unforgiveable Curses. Stargate fans dressed as Jaffa and Goa’uld warriors charged with staff weapons and pellet guns, some wearing “Free Thor” t-shirts- but not Marvel’s Thor or the Norse God thor- but rather the tiny alien guy Nico recognised from when Will made him watch Stargate. The Stargate Atlantis fans came dressed as Wraith instead. Marvel fans were clad in full superhero gear, although some fights had broken out between them and the DC fans. Star Wars fans dressed in Jedi robes. Clad in armour, the demigods didn’t look out of place. Nico was pleased to see the Egyptian magicians being lead by Sadie and Carter Kane, Magnus Chase and Samirah al-Abbass leading the Valkyries, Alex Fierro next to Frank Zhang shapeshifting into whatever they could. Alex stopped occasionally so she could spray mace into the eyes of Terfs.

Nico shadow travelled at the last minute, grabbing hold of Will and pulling him through the shadows. Will didn’t slow down when they emerged, and the image of Will Naruto running headfirst into a wall was going to be a source of laughter in Nico’s mind for many years to come. Thankfully, he didn’t do a Jason and knock himself out. “Ah fuck, I can’t believe you’ve done this!” Will gasped, and Nico raised his eyebrow. In the distance, they heard Grover cause a Panic- although it didn’t affect the guards about to shoot Will in the face, so Will let out a shrill whistle and Naruto ran for it.

“Dork,” Nico jibed, pulling Will into the shadows again. Nico meant for them to land inside an aircraft hangar- but it soon became clear that they were inside some kind of alien spaceship.

“Holy Hera,” Will gasped, “Nico THIS SHIP HAS A STARGATE! NICO LOOK THAT IS A STARGATE, IMMA DIAL ABYDOS-”

“Focus, Solace,” Nico warned, “we can do that once we get this back to camp. I wasn’t allowed to drive the sun chariot so I’ll drive this time.”

“I get the feeling I’m gonna die if I let you drive,” Will replied, and Nico huffed.

“That’s if I don’t kill your stupid face first,” he retorted proudly, and Will snickered, looking around the ship.

“OH MY GODS NICO THERE’S A LIGHT SABER HERE!”

“DIBS THE RED ONE,” Nico yelled, rushing over and grabbing one, almost decapitating Will in his excitement.

“We should summon up a certain ghost,” Will grinned.

“Are you suggesting we prank call Castellan?”

“Nico, dude. You have to, for humanity. Do it for our children.”

Several runs to McDonald’s later and Luke Castellan’s ghost was confronted by Nico in pitch black armour and a light saber to speak the immortal words: “Luke, I am your father.” Luke’s ghost laughed. The gods applauded from Olympus. Will was unable to get up off the floor through his raucous laughter.

After several minutes of exploring the craft, the two demigods were armed with phasers and now possessed the infinity gauntlet- although they both agreed not to let Percy near it in case he dabbed rather than Thanos snapped at monsters. Nico shadow travelled a fair amount of the loot back to camp, where Chiron stood facepalming and shaking his head. This is when Nico learned that the Party Ponies had joined the raid and found out that Monster Donut were sponsoring Area 51. Nico returned to find Will making a flower crown for a baby alien he’d found hidden in the glove compartment. “Is that what I think it is,” Nico questioned, and Will smiled.

“An alien? Well yeah.”

“No, I meant a baby. Are you seriously holding a baby?”

“Yeah, a cute little alien baby, I made them a flower crown and put a bow in their hair! Well I hope it’s a baby otherwise I just told a whole-ass adult I’m their daddy now.” Nico choked- Will didn’t appear to realise the innuendo his words would have turned into if the alien was an adult. Will appeared to have adopted an alien child and that somehow melted Nico completely. Stupid son of Apollo being a perfect dad to an abandoned alien baby found in the glove compartment of a space ship.

“You can’t just raise a child, Will, the parents won’t pay child support and you’re like- fifteen and you look- you look twelve, okay, you look like a foetus!”

“Nico I’m only two months older than you,” Will laughed, “I’m still fourteen like you are, idiot. Although technically you’re ninety, you can be the grandpa.”

“I’m not going to be your daddy, Solace,” Nico replied, forgetting how it may have sounded like an innuendo, and Will choked and spluttered.

“That word is officially banned,” Will squeaked, and Nico quickly nodded in agreement. Thankfully before it could get any more awkward, the alien child started to cry. “Oh my gods Nico what do I do with it?”

“Does it have an off switch or batteries you can take out like the babies they give you in school?”

“Um- I can’t see any off switch, Nico, what do I do?!”

“You’re the doctor! Sing to it! Just don’t do a Hera and yeet it off a mountain or out of a window, I don’t need you Percying this into a worse situation than it already is!”

“Oh my gods I’m a single parent before I’ve had the talk,” Will whined, trying to hum a lullaby to the alien baby, which screeched, turned into a bug, and ran. Will shrieked and Nico accidentally summoned a pile of alien skulls. “Hey! My singing isn’t that bad,” Will protested, and the alien bug screeched again and shot some kind of web at Will’s face. Will squealed, trying clumsily to wipe the webbing off his face. Once Nico stopped laughing, he helped to pull the webbing out of Will’s hair, although once he managed to detangle the last of the webbing, he found himself enthralled by the soft bouncy texture of Will’s hair. It was curly like Nico’s, but dryer to the touch, probably a testament to the hours of sunbathing Nico figured Will had to do in order to stay tanned all year round. He didn’t realise he was obsessively caressing his best friend’s hair until he felt Will’s hand on his shoulder. Nico gasped, snapping his hand back and muttering an apology, but Will merely smiled and gods that smile melted Nico. “Fellas, is it gay to kiss your homie at Area 51,” Will asked to nobody in particular, and Nico found himself turning puce as Will leaned in, placing a gentle but certainly not platonic kiss on Nico’s lips. Nico’s brain seemed to short circuit, skeletal butterflies resurrecting down his spine and in his stomach.

When Nico’s brain finally managed a coherent thought, all he could manage to say was “that’s gay.”

Will snorted, resting his head on Nico’s shoulder as he laughed silently. “You’re gay,” he finally replied through giggles.

“Well you kissed me, you’re gay,” Nico retorted with a huff.

“Yeah, but is it gay if it’s your homie and you’re in Area 51,” Will asked with an impish grin, lifting his head and giving Nico a mishievous grin.

“We are gay, you dumbass,” Nico replied, lightly shoving Will’s shoulder.

“I guess we are,” Will replied with feigned thoughtfulness lacing his voice, “maybe we should make out just to be sure.”

“Don’t push your luck, Solace,” Nico said sternly, and Will pouted comically. Nico stood on his toes and leaned up, but he was too short to reach, so Will leaned down and Nico was finally able to place a rough kiss on Will’s lips.

And of course, that just had to be the exact moment to hear a chorus of “two bros, chillin’ in a space ship, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay!” They broke apart immediately, startled by the presence of an Iris message showing Percy, Jason, Leo and Piper all grinning stupidly at them and Annabeth rolling her eyes.

“I’ll kill you all if you dare tell anyone,” Nico warned, raising skeletons to chase after them- although the skeletons were certainly not human. Leo and Percy screamed and ran, whilst Piper and Will laughed loudly. Jason merely raised his eyebrow, and Nico shrugged in response.

“So, that’s your type, huh,” Percy grinned, “I never thought we’d share a type!”

“What,” Nico snapped.

“Bossy blondes,” Percy replied, and Jason and Annabeth glared daggers.

“I agree,” Piper chimed in, “bossy blondes are worth the trouble.” This time, Jason and Annabeth both blushed.

Nico shrugged, looking back to Will, who seemed to be pre-occupied with the Stargate behind them. “Well, this one’s my bossy blond,” Nico replied fondly.

“Troublemakers are my type,” Annabeth replied, and Percy and Piper bowed proudly, “and Jason’s.”

“My type is pouty emo kids with long hair and sexy accents,” Will replied, and Nico blushed darkly.

“Your type is troublemakers,” Piper replied, “the ideal OTP formula is bossy blonde and troublemaking brunette, you can’t change my mind.”

“Whatever,” Nico protested. The Iris message cut off when a fight broke out between a Star Wars stan and a Trekkie.

“So,” Will began immediately, “can we be boyfriends now?”

“Only if you keep PDA to a minimum,” Nico replied, and Will beamed, glowing a warm amber light. Before they could do much more, however, a loud explosion ripped their attention away from each other. They both ran out to find the source of the explosion, and that is where they found Clarisse refereeing a battle between Shaggy and Thanos. The Stolls were running a betting ring, and Nico was sure they were all gonna die. But hey, it was a room full of Millennials and Gen Z, so nobody seemed particularly bothered by the danger of the situation, because this footage would certainly be legendary. Thanos snapped, and Shaggy disintegrated, only to reform using 1% of his power and steal the gauntlet. Shaggy dabbed, and Thanos was no more. Clarisse blew her whistle and the fight was over- the most epic showdown in human history and it had only taken seconds. Within minutes, lightening struck, and that was the moment Percy groaned loudly in realisation that the gods had been responsible for Area 51 all along.

“FUCK YOU, ZEUS,” Percy yelled, and the lightening would have struck him if it wasn’t for Shaggy eating the lightening bolt and letting out a loud burp.

“Do you have any wisdom, O mighty one,” Kayla asked, bowing at Shaggy’s feet.

“Sometimes you just gotta eat the enemy, man,” Shaggy replied, and the demigods let out a collective awed ‘ooohhh’. It was that moment that Shaggy burped out a heart-shaped arrow, and Nico realised that Shaggy had vored Cupid. Nico felt a smug grin break through his usually stoic expression, and Jason cheered loudly from the sidelines.

“Anyway, Shaggy said gay rights,” Will grinned.

“Actually, young man,” Shaggy said, gently resting his hand on Will’s shoulder, “I say gay and trans rights. And on that note, I think I might assassinate the president! Until next time, guys, gals, and non-binary pals!” And with that, and a wink to Alex Fierro, Shaggy dissipated into the wind, enraging the bigots and empowering the queer kids.

The raid continued into the night, the Stolls helping to take technology back to camp and Clarisse leading the charge against the military. It was only when Nico and Will made their way to the middle of the camp, all of the aliens freed and all technology liberated, that the end of the raid was in sight. Nico opened the final door, the entire raid party behind them, to find Rick Astley tied to a chair, singing Never Gonna Give You Up. It was then that they realised: they had been Rickrolled by the government.