#crack?

[raileurta]

Miguel has a gen z style sense of humor and is low-key freaking everyone out.

--------------------------------------------------

Miguel watching a potato chip spinning: *hysterically laughing*

Miles: He's been watching that for 20 minutes now.

Gwen: Should we call a doctor????

Hobie: I think mate has finally lost it.

--------------------------------------------------

*arguing about whether you should put milk or cereal first*

Gwen: IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL TO PUT MILK FIRST IN MY UNIVERSE!!

Miles: WELL YOUR UNIVERSE IS WRONG!

Miguel: I use bleach. *Deadpan*

Walks away casually.

Gwen: ......

Miles: ......

--------------------------------------------------

Miguel: Peter did you get me one of those turkey sandwiches from the cafeteria?

Peter: They were fresh out, sorry big guy.

Miguel: *sigh* This is my thirteen reason.

Peter: Your what?

Miguel: Lyla open window "do a flip" I'm killing myself.

Peter: WAIT MIG-!!!

--------------------------------------------------

[ryoalouette]

Out of curiosity, has there ever been a DP x DC of this premise:

Of which anonymous online forum/chatgroup or villains. Just. Complaining about this one vigilante/hero that's their rival/archnemesis/etc and like.

Vlad and Slade commiserating about this one vigilante kid they would like to make son/apprentice.

[contentloadingandstuff]

Lisa x Male!Reader Oneshot - Library Duty

CW: Male!Reader, not proofread. Just a silly and short fic.

“Tale of Winter, Tales of Winter, Tales of Winter…” You guide your finger along the bookshelf. “Oh! Here you are.”

You pull the dusty volume out, and give it a few rubs with the back of your hand. The cover is plain, only the three words written in golden font standing out from the washed-out green background. 

You turn away and walk towards the stairs back to the top floor of the library. You jog up the steps, and you see two familiar figures behind the receptionist’s desk. Lumine and Paimon are writing something on the machine Lisa, now seated in the background and sipping tea ordered a while ago. They seem to be too absorbed to notice you standing in front of them. They look up at you simultaneously, and Paimon clears her throat.

“Hello, sir! Are you here to borrow, or return?” Her voice is just as squeaky as always. 

“To borrow, specifically - to borrow this book.” You place the tome on the desk, looking over to Lisa. She sends you a wink.

Her mischievous smile is just begging you to do something amusing. Just as always. Hm, why not humor her a little?

“Do you have a library card here, sir?” Lumine asks.

“Hm? Oh, I don’t. But you got me interested… What are the benefits of having one?”

“You can borrow books for longer, and you have early access to new publications. Also, you automatically join Miss Lisa’s book club, and you can attend its gatherings on Saturdays at 7 PM.” The floating fairy almost sounds like a salesman. You smile. 

“Then I would like to make one, please.”

“Alright… May I have some identification?” Lumine looks up at you.

You pat your pockets for a moment, before sighing theatrically. 

“Sorry… I left it at home. Can I just tell you all you need to know from memory?”

“I suppose that can work, sir.” Lumine pulls out a fresh piece of paper, and hands it to Paimon. The creature pulls out a jet feather from the inkwell, and places it against the paper.

“Your name and surname, mister?”

“Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz.”

Both of them stop and look up at you in surprise.

“Brzęczyszczykiewicz.” You repeat, barely containing a laugh. “Grzegorz.”

Paimon’s mouth hangs slightly open, but she shakes her head and focuses again. 

“Hm. I see.”

She puts the quill on the paper, clearing her throat.

“Gsh… gshe… psh… pshe… be… bshe…” Her small face turns and twists, steam nearly coming out from her ears due to how fast her brain cogs are working.

“Brzęczyszczykiewicz.” Lisa is covering her mouth with her gloved hand, her body tense from how hard she tries to keep quiet.

“Agh! Traveler!” She throws the feather on the table and crumbles up the paper. “I, um, I mean. Traveler?” 

She turns to her companion.

“Can you write it on the typewriter, please? I’ll go and put those books back!” She motions to the bin of returns, and before Lumine can protest, the floating lavender melon is already gone.

Lumine sighs and rubs her forehead. She types a few words on the sheet before she shyly asks:

“Your name and surname, sir?”

“Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz.” You say it with pride and confidence.

“Grzh… How??”

“Grzegorz Brzęczyszczykiewicz.”

Lumine is sweating visibly. “Can you… Can you spell it out sir?”

“Sure thing. G-r-z-e-g-o-r-z B-r-z-ę-c-z-y-s-z-c-z-y-k-i-e-w-i-c-z.”

Muttering to herself, she punches in a very rough version of the word. When she finishes, a bright smile of satisfaction creeps up on her face. The girl looks up at you again.

“Where were you born, sir?”

“Chrząszczyżewoszyce, powiat Łękołody.”

Lumine’s arms fall limp, and her expression turns to one of defeat. She hides her face in her hands. All of a sudden, Lisa bursts into laughter. You join in with a chuckle, and Lumine looks up at you two in pure confusion.

Lisa gets up from her chair. She walks towards the desk, and bends over it. “Don’t worry cutie, we were just messing with you, right Y/N?”

“That’s right.” You lean closer to her, your noses just millimeters away from each other. “Y/N… I like how it sounds coming from your lips.”

Lisa smiles seductively, and moves her hand to gently lift up your chin. “Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. You like hearing that, don’t you, my dear?”’

“Mhm.” You look each other deep in the eyes.

Lumine, her face now beet-red, fakes a cough.

“Um… do you… still want that library card, sir?”

Thanks for reading!

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Yall Danny pretends to be a dead mermaid just to fuck with people who don’t know anything about ghosts

People seeing his ghostly trail and calling it a tail. Maybe some dudebroblondechick asks “so do we all loose our legs when we die?” And hes just shocked for a moment before realising the gold he has struck. “I am a dead mermaid whos tail was stuck in trash floating the in ocean.” Maybe hes really acting it up “I couldnt escape and died” as he wipes a nonexistent tear.

Well enough people have asked about it that it’s a whole thing on the web. People claiming no hes not a mermaid look heres a photo with legs and then people saying that the leg photos are doctored by the government to hide the mermaids from the public. The mermaids we are clearly at war with because why else would our government keep letting us pollute like this. It’s clearly a war tactic to basically enlist people without having them know but having them consume so much plastics.

The attempt to remove plastic straws? Clearly a cry for help from the mermaids reaching out to humanity on California duh.

Sam loves it because now more people are becoming aware of their own part in polluting the world. But she also hates it because most of the crap going around is borderline flat earth esk theories. “Why did it take the illusion of having a big naturals mermaid bf to get people to start cleaning up the oceans”

Anyway long story short the most popular theory is that Phantom has both legs and a tail and is actually a catboy alien ghost cover up.

[useless-moss]

Hiccup: Respect is something earned, not freely given, and I have no reason to respect a man with an ego bigger than his dick.

Viggo(in tears): THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT WHEN I SAID I WANTED YOU TO HURT ME-!

[hazelnutsummer]

Young fae Grian who is out and about randomly encounters human Scar and decides to mess with him.

Scar, who prefers to be called his nickname, is insane polite and funny, almost immediately catches on Grian’s antics. After a while, Scar invites Grian to his house as a guest, and Grian agrees to be polite.

At the house, Scar shows Grian around, makes him tea, and they have a great time. As the night rises, Grian tries to excuse himself and say that he mustn’t stay out too long.

Scar, being the lovely homeowner, offers for Grian to stay the night here. Grian on the other hand, curses under his breath because surprise, fae rules says that you cannot refuse an offer from good heart BECAUSE ITS IMPOLITE.

Scar is delighted to have company, and Grian is frustrated because his brother (Jimmy) and sister (Pearl) are going to laugh at him so bad for being trapped in a human’s house, much less a human who have no idea what the fae rules are.

Throughout dinner, Grian asks multiple times in different ways to be let free, including:

“Scar, I very much appreciate this meal here, yet it must be time for me to go. I cannot trouble you any further.”

“Oh G, it’s no troubles at all! Feel free to have more soup, because I sure know these are bangers to eat on a cold night!”

Or

“Scar, the night is high, I promise can find my way home and my family must be worried sick!”

“Ooh nonsense! It’s practically the void out there! It’s not safe for you to go home this late, plus, I have an extra bedroom you could use, don’t worry!”

So now Grian is stuck here, a cup of hot chocolate in hand as he eyes suspiciously at Scar, who is happily fluffing out his extra blankets and pillows for his new buddy.

Spoilers: he is stuck here until he tells Scar that he must specifically allow him to exit before he goes. Scar immediately narrows his eyes and asks him what happens if he doesn’t agree.

The result is Grian be stuck there for a few more days than he originally planned, but Scar does get a good friend out of this whole ordeal so it’s a win for him.

:) and they were roomies

[youchangedmedestiel]

This gif is funny to me because Cas winks at Dean (for the first time I think, well probably Endverse!Cas did too, but it's not the same), and Dean's reaction here is priceless.

Imagine. Just imagine and ignore what Cas says here. What could be going on in Dean's mind based on the faces he makes? Here's an idea:

"Shit, he winks now. Yep, it's the end for me." And then off camera it keeps going, Dean can't stop thinking about it, "I can't resist him if he winks at me like that. Fuck. No no, no fuck. Arghhh. Please send help. Sam is there. Think about something else. Anything. Yes, that's better. No, don't look at him. Shit! He is a dork and so fucking cute and hot, all of that at the same time. How is that even possible? Oh, I'm so gone for him. Cas, please stop. But keep going, I need more."

[xenolinn]

Me, 4 episodes into Deviser:

[auroramoon-draws16]

Two in one night? Holy shit

Here’s another crossover idea that shouldn’t exist:

Assassin’s Creed x Hetalia

Mostly because I wanna see Desmond bumping into some of the nations and going “am I Bleeding or have I just met this guy before?” Because holy shit, his ancestors knows this motherfucker.

Bonus points if the nations know about the assassins, but just don’t give a shit or think they’re dope as fuck

Bonus bonus points the respective nation was good friends with Desmond’s ancestor

Extra points for pirate England working with Edward at one point, because lmao

Give me more fics of both these fandoms please

I do not get enough historical Hetalia fics and it h u r t s

[lawain-dimensional-heroes]

"...Can I smash Firefly? Asking for...Reasons"

[corvidcircus]

i want like a super shameless long ass vergilxreader smut fic where the setup is all the same as the slowburn ones where the whole thing is secret and both of them worry about the DMCcrew finding out

but like the second shot or chapter is purely Vergil's POV and every time the subject of nero finding out reader just kinda dismisses it "it'll be fine"

friends to lovers plot continues and dante notices but doesn't fully acknowledge it out loud

they're starting to form a serious relationship

whole crew gets together like 7 mo into the slow burn and dante ribs vergil about something or other

vergil gets offended and dante comes back with something about bravery or whatever and "can't even tell your son about your girlfriend"

angry, vergil basically goes 'i can do that, watch'

and actually tells nero

like one sentence that can mean nothing else

and it just goes silent

finally nico just goes "damn i owe kyrie 5$, i didn't think he'd actually say it"

nero says 'we been knew'

*vergil's panicked internal screaming*

how did this happen he was careful

nero just lays out a convo from early on where reader goes 'ur a friend/colleague, n i respect u, so imma be straight w u to avoid any miscommunication, Verge n i r fuckin'

somebody asks why Vergil looks so shocked and dismayed

they realize he didnt know they all* knew the whole fucking time

vergil starts to go off on reader an she stops him "Look me in the eye and tell me you have any skill in traditional human communication."

(crickets) "That's what I fucking thought."

softly tho "You mentioned you were worried about it, so I handled it, because I knew it wasn't your expertise."

"...Y'all're disgustingly sweet. Stop, there are children around." nico gestures to nero

"Oh, fuck off, Nico!"

-fin-

if anyone else wants to give this hell fic a go, just tag me so i can see it!

@corvidcircus

bc if its up to me itll take 42 years

[winn-schott-throughtheheart]

hello, all. I present to you a long list of why Winn Schott is Autistic as Hell:

• academically gifted

• stims- hand flappies, plays with his shirt, fidget spinner, lots of trinkets to play with, fidgets a lot, scratching/rubbing the back of his neck, playing with his tie, etc

• star wars special interest- frequently makes references, talks about it a lot, 2x01, 3x09, etc

• also superman special interest or old hyperfixation perhaps: strong long term memory, able to recall exact details of past fights

• doctor who/orphan black, etc, scifi in general also - comfort and routine in fictional worlds

• Genius™- picks up on info that trained agents couldn't after spending an hour at the DEO 1x13, makes Superman's new suit 2x01/2 (?), wrote the code that made literally everything after 5x11 possible, etc

• overwhelmed at lots of voices and shouting 2x11 - noise complexity issues

• that technically wasn't winn but since the Martian took all his memories/thoughts/mannerisms im going to count it as him

• complains that today's music is too loud 1x16

• wears headphones at both places of employment, 1x05, 2x05- noise processing issues again

• can easily go hours without taking a break if he's In The Zone, 1x15, 3x20

• bad social cues 1x13, 1x07, 3x02, 3x09, 2x16 etc etc

• learns a new alien coding language in less than 45 minutes

• learned kryptonian because he was bored

• hyperfocussss

• prefers to be alone- doesn't talk to anybody besides his friends much

• poor self esteem

• over analytical

• time blindness - "How is it still night time? it feels like it's been one week." 2x11

• sensory issues- certain smells - teak wood and tobacco, frequently wears headphones, scrunching his face up at having to wear rubber gloves

• frequently drinks soft drinks- sensory with the bubbles maybe??

• frequently eats more unhealthy things: more predictable in taste and texture than fruits/veg/organic foods.

• very expressive with his hands when talking

• hyper empathy- 3x02, training room scene

• bad at lying

• never noticed how bad his home life was

• awkward with emotions/bad at dealing with emotions 1x10, 1x20, 3x14, 5x12

• easily gives in to peer pressure

• panics under pressure

• routines- it takes a while for him to get used to Guardianing and Supering

• sensitive to temperature

• missing social cues when being questioned by Maggie, 2x16

• stimming - spinning on the stool 3x13

• special interests in techy stuff

• repetetive tasks?? likes taking stuff apart and putting it back together again

• awkward with hugs?? 3x18 at least

• shifting his weight when standing

• face rubbing/touching stim

• "if they like someone romantically, they can be extremely, noticeably awkward in attempts to let them know."

• difficulty making friends/approaching new people

• taking things literally?/ difficulty reading between the lines. "oh, things are not chill." social cues again 3x20

• prefers meaningful conversation over small talk

• ooh routine mayhaps might have been a part of 2x09

• daydreamer/deep thinker, e.g 3x14

• alexythemia - trouble identifying/describing their own/others emotions.

• see e.g- "oh, so I'm supposed to be feeling something? well I don't feel.... anything... I don't think..."

• typical gifted kid- "I always knew he was brilliant and capable-" at ten years old

• difficulty managing intense emotions- could also be PTSD. e.g, 1x10, 3x14, 1x11

• negative beliefs of self, again linked to PTSD

• intense connection to fictional worlds

• engaging in special interests very intently - 1x15, 3x20

• RSD maybe????

• strong long term memory

• pattern spotting/attention to detail, 2x14

• hyperfocus, again 3x20

• low trust in himself

• stimming by pacing, and also humming/singing, 2x16, 3x22, 2x20 (superfriends)

• could be echolalia after Kara maybe explained it cause he literally wasn't there

• clumsy - fine motor skills go brr

• "doesn't really do holidays," perhaps sensory overloads/sensory difficulties??

• or maybe thats just trauma

• or both

• quick/blunt remarks that could come off as rude

• 't-rex' arms

• sticking to the same clothing??

• talking to himself/thinking out loud

• takes his tablet almost everywhere- comfort item??

• stimming- moving his fingers idk like flapping/moving them up and down

• heightened sense of smell - "Oh, God, is that smell you?" like a second after bumping into Kara 1x02

• Kara knows about his Maxwell Lord obsession- hyperfixation/infodumping mayhaps??

• very very t-rex arms Jesus

• I'd make a compilation but God he's doing it in literally every scene I swear

• mumbles when writing code - idk if that's a thing it just seems very neurodivergent

• echolalia- repeats "turbulence" after Brainy in 3x11

• literal - 2x02, "actually, he said he would try."

• uses diagrams and drawings as a means to get points across - 3x22

• highly intelligent but can sometimes be slow to comprehend due to sensory and social difficulties

• stims to soothe when sad or agitated - face rubbing/touching, finger/foot tapping, etc

• similar when happy - jumping, dancing, singing, 2x09, 2x16

• anxiety and fear are prominent emotions

• proud of himself when he can distinguish tones - "Oh, I know that tone, that's a bad news tone" 2x09

• sitting on desks and tables

• sits weird - 2x14

• literally in the middle of an alien invasion and runs back to get his tablet

• genuine 'yep?' after cats sarcastic 'oh, Winslow,' when asked if she's ready 2x21

• prepares for the worst, always

• tapping his fingers 1x10 balcony scene

• tablet is a definite comfort/security item because it's been seen since 1x01. So.

• pacing to self soothe, 1x10, 2x09, 3x14, 5x11 etc

• unique thought process (voyager 3x11, satellites 1x13)

• finger wiggles!!! 3x09

• literally memorises a futuristic maths system to fix a futuristic ship better than the ships owner (someone from the future)

• sensory overload/overstimulation in 3x20 with ruby (coming off as easily irritated etc)

• has a fucking dirt collection

• which Mon-El of all people knows about, so he's either infodumped a whole bunch or they have sleepovers

• always making references

• keeps random shit in his desk?? why does he need a whole toolbox in his desk at catco

• overclarifies himself ("that's like, that's like really fast"); struggles with understanding things sometimes so when he's explaining stuff he explains in more detail the stuff that normally he wouldn't understand.

• relieved hand flappies after stopping indigos missile 1x15

• disinterest in sports/physical activity

• " I was a theatre kid, not a track star!"

• "youthful" for his age: in dresses, activities, tastes, etc

• fictional worlds as a retreat/safe space/coping mechanism

• "may have a strong interest in computers, games, science, graphic design, inventing, things of a technological and visual nature"

• emotionally sensitive

• hates injustice/being misunderstood

• words and actions are often misunderstood by others

• doesn't go out much: only really shown 'out' with his friends/'safe' people (barring that one time in 2x20)

• actually having said that he was probably only in the marketplace because he knew James was going to be there

• when he was at the bar alone in 2x13

• difficulty regulating voice volume - "too loud." "I'm sorry-" 2x14

• "high and to the.. left?" - struggles with fine motor skills and lefts/rights 2x07

• "head north. or, wait, more helpfully.... left."

• stimming with his mask in 3x16

• memory again: remembers where he was told his mum and dad met from over twenty years ago in 3x14, immediate correction "I thought you two met in Ivy Town?"

• fine motor skills again when he breaks the thing in the bathroom on the legion ship 3x17 (?)

• also "I broke something" in 1x07

• wears "restrictively tight" cardigans - comforted by deep pressure therapy

• chicken wings as a safe food

• he also immediately knows what's so important about flight 237 in 3x04- remembers exact details about Supergirl much like he does with Superman

• awkward gait

[twosided-twisted-fate]

@avaloniamagus from here

"...." Stabs him "Keke sense you asked!"

[lumineation]

Saw your requests where open and thought I'd drop by! If I was in sagau the first thing I would do would is go find Childe and play with his hair lmao. Could you write something like that?

I’d probably do the same but with any of the characters and also ask what shampoo they use lol

warnings: I somehow turned it into crack?

Playing with Childe’s hair

the last thing you remembered was going to sleep for the night

so imagine your surprise when you wake up covered in grass in the middle of nowhere

you quickly figure out where you are due to the many, many hours you’d spent playing Genshin and also from seeing a random hydro slime

after a quick mental breakdown you come up with a plan

you pick grass off your clothes and almost run to the closest teleport waypoint

let’s be honest it takes you a long time to figure out how to teleport but once you do you’re super proud of yourself and also very dizzy, but hey, you did it

multiple people stare at you as you run through Liyue Harbour like a crazy racoon in your pyjamas

the second you see Childe you somehow get even faster until suddenly you’re clinging to the side of a very confused Harbinger who’s brain has short-circuited

for a whole five minutes everyone in the area is frozen still with no thoughts in their heads

meanwhile you’ve already started playing with Childe’s hair

safe to say you just broke everyone’s expectations of you in one fell swoop

[mellodiies]

love these silly random ass moments. my frog sons face

[yoinkschief]

Little Miss Can't-Keep-Their-Style-Consistent over here [It's me] [I'm the one getting slandered] [I can't keep my style consistent for the life of me pleASE HELP-]