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williaml0ver · 7 months

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☆ <3 The way to a Forward's heart - a William Ellis story ☆ <3

[🖇️] word count: 4204 JESUS. That's a record, and i thought my Kevin fic was long...

[🖇️] warnings: g/n reader, William is sad 😔, but it's very fluffy, not proofread, not historically accurate ijbol, several cameos at the end

[🖇️] a/n: soo i have been recently experiencing a small burnout because real life has been a lot stressful lately BUT i really wanted to pull something out since it's been already a whole month since my first post ‼️ I swear it took me over a week to surpass the 1k words border, but i randomly felt inspired (possesed?) and pulled out 3K MORE on a single day... never doubt a delusional William Ellis lover. thank you guys so much for the support!! It really encourages me!!!! today i am delivering a William fic!!!!!!! It's so long hello??

☆ ☆ ☆

You weren't exactly sure how you ended up in this mess. But were you complaining?

"Hey... is it me or did the air get really, REALLY stinky right now?"

"OH MY GOD WILLIAM"

It all began when your boyfriend came back from a challenging match. Happens to the best of us. Constant body blocking, healing and of course rescuing his teammates, not to mention the desperate kiting til his final breath - he ended up chaired and no one came to the rescue! No matter how embarrassed the rugby star felt, it wasn't rare for survivor teams to go down like that. You've even heard that Eli, the seer, ended up under Emily's worried eyes, she apparently had to patch him up! You knew he was a very advanced player, so those news made you realize how serious that was. And your William?

You found yourself crotcheting a cute little scarf from scratch after discovering that this form of activity effectively made you relax. It was very helpful during those trying times. The piece of fabric you were using was very soft and had a beautiful salmon colour. With some schlagers playing in the background from the gramophone player Miss Nightingale gave you you've found yourself in your own small world. It was your way of escaping from reality, the strange place you've found yourself in.

Suddenly, loud steps could be heard from outside of your dorm. It was no one else than William Ellis himself! You felt thrilled to see him again. Truth is, the last time you've seen him was just a little over an hour ago, but you just can't help it. Being this giant man's lover meant receiving a lot of affection, you can't deny that you became a lot more clingier than you usually were after getting together. Due to regular training he was very buff, but you're sure his heart is even buffier. The needle in your palms was sloppily placed on top of the wooden desk as you quickly came to the doors. You couldn't contain your happiness and just tightly hugged him, but what you didn't see at first is how absolutely wasted he looked like. You thought to yourself how suspiciously silent your man is right now. That's unusual. Most of the times he would try to make you smile, tell you some goofy joke, slightly overdramatize his heroic attempts at rescuing. You then looked at his face and felt mortified. He had a big bruise on his right cheek and had several dirty stains on his face. Not to mention the small trail of blood coming out of his mouth....

It wasn't long until you started leading him to your shared bed and told him to sit. Yes, he was very sweaty, stinky and dirty, but that didn't matter currently, you would have to clean it sooner or later anyways. You weren't sure what to do at first, so you allowed him to decide what's next. All he did was request you to let him place his head on your lap, to which you happily obliged and began carefully petting him by his long hair. William then kept silent, as you didn't want to force him into speaking. After some time, you've got up and looked inside your small drawer. There were some emergency leftover bandages, plasters and a gauze. You got them, and with your boyfriend's permission you started cleaning his wounds and taking care of them, of course, all of them received William's favourite, most effective cure - a kiss. When you started disinfecting that nasty scar on William's cheek he started smiling a little. While you could tell he was drop dead exhausted, it made you relieved to see him calmer now. You placed a few plasters with Hello Kitty and Minions on his arms and nose, you've then felt his muscly arm pulling your head for a kiss. That's the good old William.

After a while passed, he started opening up to you, talking how terrible the match went, how he blames him for everything that went wrong. It made your heart ache hearing how he thinks he failed his teammates, how he failed Eli. Most of the times after a lost match you'd find him cheering and hyping up the others. Though, sometimes he could also have worse days, when he was feeling blue, thinking how they could win if he did a few things with a different approach which of course was normal and understandable - but you were having none of it. During moments like this, you would always try your best to cheer William up. He deserves so, considering how thoughtful he is to towards everyone. How thoughtful he is towards you.

"William, look at me, I know... it's okay..." you've put your hand on his healthy cheek. Each time he'd have you whispering comforting sentences into his ear, he felt like someone above sent him an angel to support him. Most of the time, the forward would quickly cheer up, but today was diffrent. Feeling your hand on him, feeling your kisses, hearing your words, following your eyes... he felt like something broke inside him. He started to tear up. Even for him, sometimes the matches in the manor could be overwhelming - having people trust you is both a blessing and a curse. You felt bad for him and a little ashamed yourself because you weren't exactly sure what to tell him. You ended up saying nothing, with William, words aren't needed. All you had to do was to be there for him. You stayed together cuddling in silence for over twenty minutes, yet to both of you it felt like a few seconds. You realized that William's clothing is dirty, usually, he wouldn't care, but you're sure he must be feeling nasty right now.

After undressing and freeing his from the heaviness of his clothes, your boyfriend felt much more comfortable. You then told him to lay on the bed, and after a few small kisses you began tucking him in like a child. You both have a huge collection of funky, extraordinary blankets, pillows and plushies - they all made your room much more comfortable and cute! Your eyes softened seeing him covered by all the duvets and comfortable fabrics. Not long after, you grabbed your favourite dinosaur plushie, mr. Rex, who was of HUGE size, almost as tall and big as William, you always took good care of it. The plushie meant a lot to you - since William once won it for you during a summer festival. You placed him on the right side of your bed. Quickly after turning off the gramophone and closing the blinds on the windows you went straight to lay with William. With you on his left and mr. Rex on his right he finally felt at peace for the first time this day. There was a small smile showing on his face. He felt grateful. After exchanging a few i love you's and cuddles he fell asleep. Usually he would pull some stunts to stay up longer with you by provoking tickle or pillow fights. He must have felt terribly tired.

You spent some of your time simply watching him and considered falling asleep as well, his arms were real free estate. Yet you couldn't help but think of how to cheer your dear boyfriend up. He'd definitely appreciate if he woke up to something nice. After a small brain storm, you decided to bake William his very favourite threat - a cherry pie. Your speciality. To be honest, you didn't know if it was your speciality because you were good at doing it, or because your boyfriend always devoured it as if it was final meal in this life ever. Either way, it did get Naib's and Mary's stamps of approval, so you were quite sure of your skill. Those two could be VERY picky on bad days, and they happened often.

It was finally time to get up. You had to be sneaky enough to leave your bed and avoid waking your boyfriend up. Thank God William fell asleep before you, otherwise he'd have a death grip on you. You waited a few more minutes to make sure he's in deep slumber and got out very slowly and carefully. You replaced yourself with some other plushie and wrapped the scarf you were previously working on around him. He looked absolutely cute. You were ready to get to work. You've went to your wardrobe and put on your favourite scarf on your head - so your hair won't make it's way into the food and put on a matching apron with some funky embroidment of it. If William was up he would probably be praising you for like five minutes. Truth is, he'd be all over you even if you wore a potato sack. Now, you could finally head to the manor kitchen.

The kitchen itself had a very relaxing feeling to it. It reminded you of your past life, no wonder you'd often find yourself helping all the servants making mealss. It radiated comfort among several soulless corridors out there. The kitchen's the heart of the whole house they say. Now, the cherry pie... you had to admit it was a fairly old fashioned recipe, a time consuming one on top of that - but it was worthy because your boyfriend love it. Well, he does like anything baked by you... or at least he tries. He even ate up your whole cake, which was entirely burnt at the bottom with a straight face. He may be an athlete, but one thing he can't deny is that he loves your cuisine. Quickly, you've began searching for needed indegredients: flour, cherries, sugar, butter... seems like everything was prepared! You were just about to do the first step and pull out the pits from the cherries when you heard footsteps that were approaching. Turns out it was Emma coming your way, asking for help. You weren't surprised though, all those huge sacks with garden soil could be very heavy, therefore you ended up offering the girl a helping hand. It can't take that long. The cherry pie can wait, right?

...Right??

Bump... bump... bump...

William has woken up due to weird noises coming from his neighbour's room. Seems like Ganji felt like relaxing and throwing his cricket ball onto the wall, the ball would jump back to him, creating a painful butterfly effect. Ganji was a good friend of William, but ugh! He will have to talk to him about it later, what's important right now is his precious love. He felt like he didn't express his gratitude to you when you took care of him after that terrible match. Facing mr. Rex, he turned the other way with closed eyes and gave you a gentle kiss. But hold on...

"Uhhhhhhh... what the heck?!"

The forward groaned, opened his eyes and saw a medium sized, green neon-like colored bear. You either left him while he was sleeping, or some evil witch turned you into a plush bear as revenge and now he had to take care of you, hopefully, it's the first option. William noticed he has a warm, pinkish scarf wrapped around his neck, hmm, wasn't it the one you were working on when he entered your shared dorm already one leg in his coffin? He smiled to himself. It was time for him to return the favor, but first of all, he had to find you.

William stormed out of his bed, quickly tucking mr. Rex and the green bear in. He put on some random clothes and his bunny slippers. After leaving his room, he started checking every possible place you could be in. Annoying him with Ganji? Nope. Playing with dolls with Memory? No. Thirdweeling Ada and Emil? No! Learning italian with Luchino? Neither... You've lately befriended Annie, maybe you're at her place? No, she told him she hasn't seen you. On a walk? He looked through the biggest windows in the manor, he couldn't see you admiring the greenary anywhere. So where could you be? At some point, he was just aimlessly walking around the corridors. He was supposed to give up already, but just when he was walking back to your shared, William felt a little hungry. He decided to sneak into the kitchen and grab some snacks from the refrigerator, he's lately thought about eating some of Naib's favourite gingerbread cookies, the mercenary won't notice if a few them will go missing, right?

Walking into the kitchen, William saw a few indegredients on the table, but there was no one else here. The servants have a day off, so who's taking care of this? Despite the products looking awfully familiar, he couldn't put his fingers on who exactly is behind this. Well, he wouldn't know if he didn't see a piece of material hanged on a wooden chair. It was a scarf, it was bright blue with some cute white embroidery on it.... that's your scarf! Suddenly, everything clicked. You were baking his favourite treat for him, or at least William hoped so. A light blush appeared on his cheeks. He felt very fuzzy inside.

You must have taken a break, the forward said to himself. He then felt like surprising you. Maybe he could help a little...? He's seen you baking a cherry pie a few times, the products are already there, he more or less remembers the procedure. It can't be that difficult! William wore an apron with some corny saying on it, it belonged to Luchino - he liked cooking fun lunches together with Robbie, but he was sure the lizard man won't mind it if he cleans it later. He was actually a very polite man against all odds. Truth is, even with an apron on, he still wasn't properly dressed, he's going to end up very dirty. But does it matter if he's about to spend some quality time with his dearest beloved? He took a deep breath. Alright. What was the first step...? Oh yes! It was the crust. William did all in his power to try to be as accurate as possible. It would be kind of embarrassing if he messed up his lover's hard work... he finally began mixing all the products. The crust ended up looking nice. The kitchen was much messier than when you were making one, but at least it didn't explode! What was next? He was pretty sure you usually would take the pits out of all cherries. Alright...

Helping the gardener took you a hot minute, but you managed to live through it. The clothing of yours was now a little dirty, and the exposure to sun made you sweat, but you were glad to help. You were coming back towards the kitchen, but something felt slightly off... you could literally bet you heard some annoyed grunts. Oh my, did the servants take over the kitchen? Weren't they supposed to have a day off?! Whether yes or no, you knew you had to step in before they did anything. Expecting the worst, you took a deep breath and went to the kitchen. To your surprise, there were no servants. It seemed like there was just you and your thoughts. At least you thought so. Something certainly happened here. First of all, there were many flour stains on the table, no, everywhere, besides, you've noticed an opened package of butter. Hey... how on earth was the pie crust already prepared? Did someo- WAAAH!!

You've suddenly felt a hand grabbing you from under the table and let out a diabolical scream. At some point, you were just about to call someone for help, this felt like a horror scene where some evil demon chases it's victim and later sacrifices their body to some ancient deity. Despite strange, scary stuff happening in the manor, you were still terrified, untill you noticed the hand looked strangely familiar... is that..? The arm was very bulky. Hold on, William?!

Seems like your bonding time with Emma took way longer than expected. Suddenly, all in his glory with a huge grin, William crawled out and stood up. He was wearing some loose clothes and a ridiculous, stained red apron with "KISS THE COOK" sewed onto it. He looked very amused knowing his trick worked out, meanwhile you were convinced he's going to tease you about it until the very end. First things first, you reached out and gave the cook himself a kiss on the mouth. You found it sweet how he wanted to help. William always wants to lend a hand, even if you're the one helping him at times. Not only that, looks like he also memorized the recipe?! You don't own a cookbook or anything, he must have learnt some things while watching you baking many times before. The crust was already finished and the pits were almost all freed from the cherries Sure, the flour maybe was all over the kitchen, the pits were pulled out a little messily, but did it matter? You were happy you could spend time together with your boyfriend. Give him a few chances and he'll be your best "little" helper in the kitchen. The entire process of baking your pie went swiftly. With William, everything is much more enjoyable. He would spin you around during random moments, smear a little flour on your face. give you pecks on your cheeks and sing out loud. Little did you know, the silly "flour attacks" from his side were the beggining of the end.

Everything was done. The pie just had to grow and warm up in the oven.

"Allow me, gorgeous."

William put on baking gloves on his hands and picked up the pie. He then put it inside. You loved how confident he attempted to look, despite this being his first time. Cutie. You gave him yet another kiss on the lips. He loved those little moments.

Now, it was time for the longest process - waiting for the pie to grow. William couldn't contain his excitement. You exclaimed that he can help you clean up the kitchen. Time will surely pass faster, but William had a different idea. A VERY mischevious one on top of that...

"William, love, i've brought two brooms. Here's one for y-"

You couldn't finish your sentence, since suddenly you were attacked with grains of flour. William burst out with laughter and exclaimed you not only have an expression as if you saw a ghost, but also look like if you were on. That guy... you took a sack of flour and counter attacked. You knew he could get very competitive during such play fights, even you don't get a "significant other treatment". He has no mercy, especially on you.

The fight lasted LONG. Even your scarf couldn't secure your hair from being filled with flour. Good luck with cleaning it later in the bathtub. Your face was entirely white, you were sure you looked whiter than Andrew himself right now. Your clothes, your everything was covered in flour, and so was William. He sat on the floor and let you sit on his lap. You though the war was over, until even more flour landed on both of you. It was Robbie! The fight resumed for yet another few minutes, until the three of you grew tired. You on William's lap, Robbie in yours, he was the first one to fall asleep. Not only the three of you were full in flour, so was the kitchen, you will surely get scolded. Honestly, you have no idea how no one has yet noticed the fight and put an end to it.

"I love you." Said William, holding your hand, he then began feeling a strange smell...

"Hey... is it me or did the air get really, REALLY stinky right now?"

"OH MY GOD WILLIAM"

It was the apple pie! William quickly wore the gloves and took it from the oven. It was black like charcoal, not to mention the smoke. The two of you were coughing like crazy, meanwhile Robbie was sleeping, unbothered by the event. William did feel somewhat responsible for what happened. He put one of his hands behind his hair and started rubbing it out of embarrassment. You both sat dawn on the floor again.

"Y/N, listen baby, i'm sorry... we just had so much fun together, i forgot about the pie. It's my fault, i shouldn't have helped you..." he looked like a sad puppy which has done something bad.

You reassured William that he shouldn't blame himself. It was an accident. They happen to everyone. Sure, the pie may be ruined, but we had a lot of fun while baking it. That's more important than some stupid cake. And while you DID worry about cleaning the kitchen, you didn't want to make William even more sad. Besides, you've heard that, apparently, Annie and Tracy created a weird machine that helps you clean - it sucks out all the dirt! Or at least they said so... wasn't that called... a vacuum? William eventually cheered up a little thanks to you.

"Sleep, i'll help you cleaning up after we wake up from a nap." He murmured, trapping you in his arms.

You weren't exactly sure how you ended up in this mess. But were you complaining?

The first person to notice the absolute mess in the manor kitchen was Helena. She was supposed to make some tea for herself, but she quickly forgot about that after seeing the three of you asleep together, tons of flour EVERYWHERE and a burnt pie on the table. Yuck. It wasn't long until she called for a few residents to help her. She's heard William had a difficult match today and thought you wanted to cheer him up. She didn't have the heart to wake you up. A few minutes later Martha, Tracy, Annie, Kurt, Xie and Fan appeared. Their reaction to seeing the kitchen wasn't much diffrent from Helena's. They all agreed to help you and cheer the both of you up. But first, they had to get rid of that mess.

While Annie brought with herself that strange thing named vacuum, Tracy proudly explained to the two brothers and the explorer how it operates. Helena on the other hands put earplugs into your ears.

"Are you sure that creation of yours isn't going to explode? This place already looks like a battlefield." stated Martha. One way or another, her question wasn't answered, as the invention began working. The rest grabbed grooms and proceeded to help, while Kurt went to the hunter part of the manor to notify that someone should pick little Robbie up. He eventually came back with Michiko. Not much later, the kitchen looked, well, not shiny clean, but clear enough. Kurt then suggested to make a cherry pie from scratch again. It was not an easy thing to do, but everyone agreed and did everything in their power. In the meantime, the Wu Chang brothers decided to take you somewhere comfortable. Your butts will hurt if you'll sleep on the floor too long. They weren't sure where your shared dorm is located, so they brought you to the living room and placed all of you on the sofa. Helena then covered you with a warm blanket.

After some time, the pie was finally ready, and the kitchen squeaky clean. They all sneaked into the living room and placed a cloth onto the table, and put a huge, fresh pie on it. Michiko made tea, even Naib helped and shared some of his snacks: cookies, leftover cakes... everything looked delicious. They all sat on their chairs, waiting for you to wake up.

After the three of you regained consciousness, you weren't sure what's going on. You were in a completely diffrent place, surrounded by so many people. Mmmm.... what?!

It appears they saw you laying on the floor and wanted to cheer you all up by making a new pie. This one was even bigger than yours! On top of that, there were also other sweets. The table looked quite rich. Sure, you probably still looked like clowns, with so much flour on you, but that won't stop you from having fun. Later on, even Eli, Emma, Norton and Emily joined the meeting. You appreciated the gesture from everyone else. Everyone had a friendly conversation with delicious food on their plates.

Suddenly, William sat up and took a cup of tea.

"I... i would like to make a toast!" everyone, including you, quickly stood up.

"A toast for my loveliest, prettiest, smartest honeybun, Y/N!!!" he cheered loudly.

You were stunned and quickly began to blush when William grabbed you by your waist. It felt so embarrassing, yet you felt flattered. So loved. Everyone took their teacups in their hands and celebrated. The atmosphere was lovely!

The party lasted for a few hours. You even managed to forgot about the mess in the kitchen, Tracy however explained how they cleaned it up, thank God. You were thankful to your William and your friends.

"Hey, Annie, mind explaining to me how that... vaccuoom works?" you asked...

☆ ☆ ☆

I can't believe i've wrote something so long help. Fun fact: I bake on like a weekly basis but i've actually never seen a cherry pie with my own eyes, i was just listening to Cherry pie by Sade and was like yeah it fits... anyways i had to watch some tutorials on how to make one so i can know what's going on 😭😭 By the way pookie if you are reading this I'VE SEEN YOUR GANJI REQUEST I WILL GET TO IT LATER... (the one i received two weeks ago, not the one i got today, but i'll get into that one as well dhdhdjej) anyways, thank you again for all the support. wishing all of you a good day or night☺️

#idv #idv x reader #identity v #william ellis #william ellis x reader #identity v x you #identity v x reader #idv forward

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unityrain24 · 8 months

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i've gotten a few new followers recently who seems to be loki series fans... and i just. you do realize that this is a very anti-series blog, right? it's in my description too

i know i haven't reblogged a whole bunch of anti loki series stuff lately, but it's not because i've "changed my mind" or anything. I am just to tired to read long metas (i haven't been reblogging many og loki metas recently either), i do not have the emotional energy to deal with awful feelings that come with the series, and also the other anti-series blog i follow also are getting emotional burnout from it so they aren't posting/reblogging a whole bunch of anti loki stuff either so that's less content for me to reblog.

but know that i am still very anti-loki series, and had strong feeling about it even before i got a tumblr account and literally no one in my life shared my views. When i finally got a tumblr account, like the first thing i did was read through all of the master posts of all the most major anti-series blogs. I read and reblogged probably hundreds. Like i combed through the archives. And i felt so validated finally.

The loki series was a terrible insult to lokis character. They took away his intelligence and his grace and his strategy and his humour and his masking and his cool reserved (but still witty) demeanor. They took away key aspects of his backstory, and invalidated every bad thing that ever happened to him. They didn't simply reduce his complex personality to something stupidly simple, they completely took away practically every part of his personality, and replaced it with things that weren't ever part of him. They blamed him for things he never did (and don't mention things he actually should be blamed for), called him inherently evil, and made him the butt of every joke. That thing you see on the screen is not the same character, not even a different character, but a bastardization of wearing someone else's corpse. The makers didn't even watch the previous installments he was in.

The series was questionable, if not outright terrifying, in its morals/messages (having the main character be stolen and stripped of everything, then work for a genocidal fascist organization and be happy about it)(portrayed either a questionable strange psuedo-incest abuser or an abusive fascist as the two romance options)(etc etc).

Even smaller less important things made it terrible. Making a show about "loki" then having it not be about him, but rather the tva, just to expand disney/mcu's while multiverse obsession? Having the series be called "loki" the whole aesthetic of the show being something painfully not loki? from the music to the lighting to the costumes to the plot to the everything? The lack consistency of the show to the installments prior/post it (again bc they don't care to research)? Gaps in logic? Also the fact that they seem to keep mixing up the concept of multiverses with timelines? (an alternate universe is different from a branch off of one universes timeline. Alligator loki, for example, does not make sense being a loki "variant" because the timeline could not deviate in a way that would make that happen). The fact that it was called "loki" but all the merch is racist genocidal tva? The fact that they condemn loki for certain things but praise the tva for doing far worse things? The way they made tom overact in such an embarrassing way? The way they marketed as having genderfluid loki, and then not only not showing it, but actively denying it?

i could go on and on and on but since i'm not formatting this as an essay the disorganization and lack of proper sentences/grammar is just muddling my point so i won't continue that long paragraph.

anyways.

and it's not "just" a show to me. its not "just" a fictional character. it's not "not a big deal." It is. It is a big deal. To me. I've dealt with mental illnesses my whole life, and when they get bad, they get bad. Dangerously bad. Having a comfort character/ world in my head i could escape to is a vital coping mechanism for me. When they first announced the loki series, a certain nervousness set in me, and with every new piece of information released, it got worse and worse, and my mental state got worse and worse. fuck man, i wanted to kill myself so that i wouldn't be alive when it came out (amongst other reasons). When it did finally come out, not only were all my fears proven correct, it proved to much, much, much worse than i could have ever imagined. It was horrific. It was like they stole what was dearest to me and disfigured it in front of my eyes and got the blood all over me and it would wash out, and the scent and colour and feel and taste of blood filled all my senses. My mental illnesses got a lot worse (both from reason related to and unrelated to the series), and i couldn't even use my necessary coping mechanism bc every time i thought of loki (even my og loki), the series and how it ruined everything would invade my mind. things were bad for me. and all i got was people saying "it's not that bad, your being dramatic, you should watch it!"

And perhaps i'm one-in-million in that sense, it's not like they made the series specifically to personally do that to me. And they don't know that it did.

but should they be ashamed? that they took something that was originally a complex piece of art and passion and expression, and did that to it? They turned it into some soulless money-making formula? They went from wanting to make stories to wanting to make money? From quality to quantity? Shouldn't they feel ashamed, that they disrespected the original artists and writers and filmmakers who put so much into it, only to not even watch them when "wanting" to continue it? Shouldn't they feel ashamed at their hollow greed and corruption? Shouldn't they feel ashamed for forcing an actor to ruin a character they cared so much about, and not allowed for their ideas?

even without what it emotionally did to people, they should be ashamed.

#sorry if this didn't make sense i was just typing rather than Writing. brain vomit. idk if i made sense #anti loki series #loki series hate #loki series criticism #loki series negativity #fuck disney #unityrain.txt #tw suicide #tw vent #tw blood

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shadowthestoryteller · 1 month

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Health Hiatus Announcement

This is gonna be a long post, but a necessary one that has quite a bit of important info relating to the future of my creative works concerning the Adventures!AU series. First, look at this lovely new cover art for Off to a Great Start I had done by my bud Arven92 on DA. The title has changed to The Adventure Begins, but the main story within is the same.

The light reveals their true Alphian form (symbolic only, not a lore aspect) while their shadow shows their ultimate fate as a member of Clone Force 99/Bad Batch. The bookshelves are a key location (library), but the merge into woods represents how they're entering into a very real adventure that isn't just a fantasy they write into books. Really happy how it turned out ^^

Onto the main post!

TLDR: Adventures!AU is being drastically shortened for my sanity and physical health into two arcs (six books each) but most likely will cease full chapter uploads after arc one as I am tired af, I don’t want to be doing this series into my 50s, and I want to turn my focus back to my originals eventually. Next year will see postings of the series prologue, Anachronism, as well as hopefully the Remaster of Off to a Great Start/The Adventure Begins. I will still be very active on my discord, where some chapters of next year's stories have already been posted. But for my other story posting sites (aka Wattpad) all new Star Wars content is on hiatus until 2026.

Been wanting to make a big post for a while for the people who aren’t a part of the discord, especially since I’ve more or less dropped off the face of tumblr after it became unhealthy due to comparison eating me alive. If you like my work, you’re welcome to join the server which is dedicated to my works. I’m active in there a few times a week, and even post bi-weekly updates as to what I’ve been working on. And I’ve posted six chapters of remastered Off to a Great Start/The Adventure Begins complete with new scenes, new povs, and even more snark! Just message me for the link, I'm still wary of a stalker finding me again.

Now, for the meat of this update.

Y’all. I am just… dog dead tired. And stressed beyond belief. Some of it isn’t related to the Adventures!AU itself (job hunt, burnout from completing my Masters in May, ect), but a lot of it admittedly is. Considering I’ve written almost 500k words in just under 5 years, it’s no surprise. Some people don’t write that in a lifetime, and I’m out here doing that on top of college. Proud of myself for that.

What I’m not proud of, however, is ignoring my body’s warning signals and pushing myself past my limits not once, but twice. Once in 2022, and now again in 2024. Nothing major or genuinely life-altering, but when I say my health anxiety went off the rails. Been a rough few weeks lol.

But that leads me to now.

Adventures!AU. My series following the adventures of my self-insert as they become a member of Clone Force 99 back when it was just four members, with the added twist of it being in an alternate universe where the Star Wars universe has crossed over with my original stories. It’s not as big as non-self insert series, but Over the River and Through the Woods (which sits at a whopping 66 chapters and 200k+ words) once got #19 out of 60k in the ocs tag. The series has been going since April 2020, seeing four completed stories of various lengths and one WIP that sits at 21 chapters and 93k words.

Aside from the recently completed Fallen Not Forgotten, it’s been on hiatus since Dec of 2023. At least as far as chapter uploads go. It’s certainly not been collecting dust. To say it underwent some intense restructuring in July is an understatement. A big understatement.

I originally had seventeen books planned for the series as of three months ago, sectioned into four arcs with Anachronism kinda being a “prologue” to the main Adventures!AU series. Before this timeline is banished to the dream graveyard, I’m sharing it so y’all can at least see where it was gonna go. The four arcs would have had four books each, and were structured thus:

Bonds Forged Through Fire and Storm

Off to a Great Start (25 chapters)

Over the River and Through the Woods (66 chapters)

To the Far Reaches (66 chapters)

Welcome to War Games (25 chapters)

Into the Light Through Acts in the Dark

Commander, Meet the Cat (Remastered, 20 chapters)

Fallen Not Forgotten (Remastered, 20 chapters)

Risk vs Reward (20 chapters)

Bane of My Existence (20 chapters)

Wars of the Realms

Call of the Wild (20 chapters)

Convergence Hijinks (20 chapters)

Let’s See What You’re Really Made Of (20 chapters)

Anachronistic Adventures (20 chapters)

Decaying Dreams and Deadly Dances

Shadow in the Dark (40 chapters)

Murder Uncle Mayhem (40 chapters)

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished (40 chapters)

A Legacy in Question(40 chapters)

The plans I had for this series were intricate, deep, and would push many characters to their limits.

But turns out, it wasn’t just the characters pushed to their breaking point.

I got sick. A rather severe case of acid reflux that landed me in the docs office for the second time in two years. That started in mid-July, and I’m still dealing with it. Will probably be dealing with the sickness afterward for another month at least. But leading up to all that, I’ve been reflecting on the series as a whole and where exactly I want it to go, how I want it to end, and all that jazz.

Then I did a scheduling test in Excel using the above chapter load plus the 30 I had planned for Anachronism. Assuming two chapters a month with minimal breaks here and there, this series would finally end in 2050. That is by no means sustainable, and while I have had a lot of fun with this series and daydreaming about the different plotlines is a comfort activity, I can’t see myself writing these books for that long. I really want to publish my original stories some day, but I also won’t pretend that I’m not a bit tired of the series. At least, tired of pushing myself to work on stories that just don’t give the same rush of dopamine they used to. It’s almost a chore now to work on them, at least in the case of FNF.

Full disclosure, that story has been a problem child since day one. Actually, I’m pretty sure the stress of that story is what pushed me over the edge and caused the health issues in 2022 that sent me to the doc with acid reflux the first time. Messing with canon and trying to keep the timeline continuous (with timetravel in the mix too) was nothing short of infuriating. The trajectory changed so many times as I wrote it, which I sadly feel is evident in the story. It really seems like a disjointed mess. I’m just so disappointed how it turned out, but I was determined to at least finish it and not leave everyone on a cliffhanger. And I’m proud of myself for at least finishing it, even if I cut out at least four threads from the ending. It just wasn’t healthy to keep going.

Nor was it going to be healthy if I kept the series structured like I had it.

So, I took the steps to fix that.

Seventeen stories became twelve, four arcs became two. Some storylines were combined into one book (ex: Risk vs Reward and Bane of My Existence) while others (ex: Adventures!AU Batch meeting canon batch in Convergence Hijinks) were cut completely. I hated to lose some, but I’ve always been one to appreciate quality over quantity. Combining books and plotlines will help streamline things and make it more manageable. Some books also get new titles.

Arc one keeps its name, and will cover six books; Four main books then a prologue and epilogue of sorts. Anachronism, The Adventure Begins, Over the River and Through the Woods, To the Far Reaches, Welcome to War Games, and Moving Back to Look Forward. This arc covers Shadow’s initial fandom jump into the Tintin 2011 movie, their first mission with the Bad Batch, and them meeting the sailors again this time with the Batchers. Arc two will also keep its name and cover the entirety of the group’s interference of Star Wars the Clone Wars canon (rescuing Domino to taking down Palps), with a similar set up to arc one. Fallen Not Forgotten, Risk vs Reward, Level Up, Shadow in the Dark, No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, and A Legacy in Question.

But I know that even the shortening isn’t drastic enough. I feel only dread thinking about the series now, and that won’t do. So, though it kills me, Arc One will probably be the only arc that gets an official posting. Once Moving Back to Look Forward ends in 2030 (barring any major complications), that will be it for official full length postings of Adventures!AU. I’ll still post snippets and segments from arc two on Discord (like I do now occasionally), but MBtLF will end in a way that wraps everything up nicely. I’ll be sure to craft it so it can remain open ended to their adventures, but the current trajectory will see the “main” storyline with Shadow and the Batch, plus the Tintin sailors, close in arc one.

That’s the long term goal. So what’s short term?

Next year I plan to at least partially post Anachronism. That story has remained in the drafts for long enough. Yes, that means To the Far Reaches is backed up another year for posting (2026). That story has a lot of emotional moments, a lot of dealing with past trauma and relationship issues, and I just don’t have the spoons for that right now. For those intense moments, I have to crack myself open a bit and let my heart bleed onto the page. I’m not in a position to do that right now. Anachronism lacked that depth, being a bit more surface level than the stories with the Batchers. It’s got its own emotional moments, but it’s not nearly as taxing. Additionally, I’m going back through what was Off to a Great Start (now The Adventure Begins) and bringing it up to the standards I try to hold OtRaTtW and TtFR to. But I learned my lesson posting stories out of order so I’m going to get Anachronism finished so there’s no continuity issues.

That brings me to my next point; Adventures!AU canon.

I’ve already announced that the posted C,MtC and FNF are both non-canon and should not be taken as fact. You can still enjoy them (best you can with the crack-writing) but any continuity issues should be ignored as they are from an earlier draft of the Adventures!AU. Well, that decanonization treatment is extending beyond those two. The Adventure Begins, Over the River and Through the Woods, and To the Far Reaches aren’t non-canon per se, but rather some elements of the remastered versions may contradict the original postings. Going forward, the “truest” version will be those depicted in the works posted to Adventures!AU Remastered on Wattpad. The first story (The Adventure Begins) won’t drop there until at least November 2025 but you’re free to watch it in the meantime. It’ll sit dormant for quite a bit longer though. Nothing major will change in the stories, but I plan to add some extra scenes and tweak some minor details (the Batchers time in the galaxy is one big thing I’m looking at tweaking).

Let’s see. checks notes Yep, I think that covers everything! At least for now lol. I always have stuff to say, but this will probably be the last long update post for quite some time.

Thanks for hanging around, and for reading this long post lol.

#update post #health hiatus #bad batch #Adventures!Au

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millerflintstone · 1 year

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Back in August of 2019 when my sister passed away, one of my cousins in Guatemala took my mom in. My mom was 79 and had not been taking care of herself. My sister had not been taking care of herself or my mom either. This cousin lived two doors down from my mom and sister. Unfriendly and I stayed with them when we visited in 2020 before the pandemic hit. This cousin lived with her mom and uncle (my first cousins - my mom's oldest sister's kids), and her two boys. They were 17 and 10 at the time.

This cousin is a couple of years younger than me. I am eternally grateful that she and her family were able to take care of my mom. At that time, I had been scheduled for a hysterectomy where we weren't 100% sure if the findings were just going to be just endometriosis or endo with cancer because I had been bleeding a lot. In the time it took me to heal, a global pandemic started. When I was finally able to get to Guatemala, my mom's medical team advised against her traveling at the time because of her COPD and other health concerns. Then, the pandemic caused lockdowns so even if she had been okay to travel, she didn't get the chance to do so. My mom passed in 2021.

All of this backstory is to share that part of me did feel super responsible for helping my cousin when I could. I mean, how do you repay that kind of generosity, right? The big thing she helped with was getting the house my dad bought my grandparents transferred to my mom's name. It was in my sister's name. HorribleAunt initially wanted to be able to "help" me in getting things fixed because she wanted her grubby hands on it. I completely shut her out. The house got transferred into my cousin's name and my mom's name. Now that she's passed, it's my cousin's now as far as I'm concerned and I'm glad the legal steps went through. I wanted that house to stay in the family for family that needed it. It's not in the best shape but she has improved it.

I was able to continue to help out them out financially after my mom passed until I quit my job last year. I had to let my cousin know I couldn't continue and explained my burnout and depression that just cumulated after the past 5 years. We eventually also had to let them know we couldn't share our Netflix account anymore because of the password thing they did and also because we were cutting costs.

A couple of weekends ago, she messaged me for money because her youngest was at the clinic due to severe constipation. I had to break down some of our current debt to her because while we are better off than she is, it honestly wouldn't take a whole lot of bad things happening for us to be in danger. We're not in immediate danger, but we're also not the answer. I was able to help a little but I didn't divulge the minor jobs I currently have or the job offer I recently took.

Then last weekend, she asked me if in the future she thought I'd be able to help her come to the States. I was honest and told her I absolutely could not promise that right now and had to redefine our financial concerns just for ourselves. She has no concept of the expense of life in America. She suggested her selling the house and looking for something smaller but I told her not to look into that. I had gone looking for the possibility of a different house for my mom and sister years ago and was surprised to find that at the time, the prices were not much different than in GA and that it would just be another expense.

I was talking to Unfriendly about it and he also agreed for them to not sell the house to help us.

This cousin was diagnosed with BPD so I'm not sure if she was off meds and having an episode or what. She seems to want to escape her life (don't we all?) but I am not the answer to that. I finally feel free of the obligation I felt towards my mother and sister. I'm not continuing that on. I don't want to feel that ever again.

#I one-hundred percent do not want for anyone to rely on me financially anymore except for Unfriendly and Gigabyte #If we move to NM next year there's a big part of me that just wants to change my number and not tell the Guatemala family and vanish #IDK we shall see #The youngest is doing well now

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slrsunfire · 1 year

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Been working on a new fic on the side, and I'm hoping to have it out sometime soon. I'm planning on it being relatively short (for me at least, lol!) with maybe two chapters or it just being a long oneshot.

I had this idea hit me hard when I went to visit Tanganikya Wildlife Park earlier this month and saw these cute babies being bottle fed:

YES, THOSE ARE BABY SNOW LEOPARDS!! They were adorable and watching them gave me some seriously wonderful mdtb ideas.

What you need to know for this AU:

Madara is a single dad in this, raising a recently orphaned Kagami. His cousin Shisui can see Madara is edging on burnout, and suggests that he take Kagami to the wildlife park Shisui works at in an attempt to get them both to relax and have a little fun.

In the process Madara meets the capable (and very distracting) animal handler Tobirama who manages the care of the big cats for the park, including the nursery.

Shisui can see the sparks flying between them and, like any good wingman would, decides to help his very useless cousin win a date.

Here's a sneak peak below :3 Enjoy! :

“Uncle, look, look! There’s cousin Shisui!”

Madara barely bit back a sigh as he was all but pulled towards the waving figure of his own uncle’s eldest son who stood just beyond the turnstiles of Konoha’s Wildlife Park with a warm smile on his face.

“I see him, Kagami-kun,” Madara reassured Kagami as he allowed the boy to lead them towards Shisui through the modest bustle of people heading to and from the giftshop which sat adjacent to the entrance they had just exited.

He knew he should correct Kagami’s manhandling, but it was the most excited he’d seen his nephew in weeks since Shisui had first suggested bringing Kagami to the park. His cousin had been nice enough to offer to give them a behind the scenes tour even though he knew Shisui was just as busy as Madara was. As one of the park’s program managers that oversaw the various animal handlers that worked within the park, Shisui had somehow been able to pull strings to make their visit possible, and Madara was beyond grateful for it even though he strongly suspected Shisui was likely to ask for a favor in return.

Madara couldn't say he minded the way Shisui had continued to try and force himself into Madara's sphere the last few months, when before they'd seen each other maybe once a year, if that. He probably owed Shisui more than a few favors in totality, honestly, if he thought back on all that Shisui had done for him lately.

They all were still reeling from the unexpected loss of Kou and his wife to a horrific car accident nearly a year ago, but his nephew most of all. Kagami’s entire life had been upended in a short amount of time, and it was understandably taking some time for the boy to heal and work through his loss.

Madara and Izuna had quickly moved to do what they could to pick up the pieces, Madara by taking in his older brother’s son and Izuna by chipping in to help with smoothing out the legal aspects Madara hadn’t been prepared to face down on his own. As a well known corporate lawyer, Izuna had been invaluable in guiding them through the probate process as well as the legal guardianship considerations they’d had to undertake in order for Madara to legally adopt Kagami. Dealing with the loss of Kou had been hard enough to stomach, but all of the paperwork they’d had to complete in addition to divesting of Kou’s estate had been a special kind of hell that Madara never wanted to experience again.

Only now were things starting to begin to feel a little more normal more days than not, even though Madara still hadn’t quite wrapped his head around the fact he’d essentially become a father in all but name. He didn’t know how Kou and his wife had done it, frankly. Kagami was a good child, but he was a handful to say the least. At seven the boy had more energy than Madara ever remembered having even at Kagami's age, and Madara continually found himself exhausted beyond reason no matter what he did.

Maybe it would be easier with another person in the picture to help lighten the load so to speak, but Madara hadn’t been the most social of people even before adopting Kagami, both out of choice and because his job as a very in demand ophthalmic surgeon made it difficult at the best of times to find any time to get out to meet people.

It hadn’t gotten any calmer, truthfully. Especially now that he’d had to structure things a bit more tightly to make certain his schedule was more predictable so he could be home with Kagami during normal hours.

It was good Izuna was always willing to fill in for him if his own schedule permitted, but it was another layer of stress Madara hadn’t had to deal with before, and he was only just beginning to grow used to having to fit his life around another human being’s.

To be frank, Madara very much needed a vacation. Kagami did, too. Unfortunately such a thing wasn't possible at the moment for a variety of reasons, which was where Shisui's brilliant idea came into play.

“There’s my favorite little man!” Shisui beamed down at Kagami, making a show of looking him up and down. “You’re looking a little bigger, Kagami-kun.”

“That’s cause he is,” Madara cut in, not even bothering to fight back the sigh he let out. The amount of clothing Kagami was going through was simply ridiculous at the moment. “He’s grown another three inches since you saw him in February.”

Shisui’s eyebrows shot up at that, his surprise not faked in the slightest as he stared down at Kagami with a blatantly impressed expression.

“No kidding? You’re going to be eating Madara-san out of house and home, soon at the rate you’re going.”

“No I’m not!” Kagami giggled at that, looking quite pleased with himself and Madara lightly scuffed the boy’s hair, unable to help the fond look he directed down at his young nephew.

“Yeah, you actually are,” Madara dryly insisted, before his hand came to rest atop Kagami’s messy head of hair.

“Kou was a tall bas–” Shisui started to say only to quickly correct his choice of wording when Madara shot him a look hot enough to melt steel, “tall dude. Your mama, too. My money’s on you being just as tall when you grow up, Kagami-kun. So, ready to see some animals?”

Madara had to give it to Shisui, it was a near perfect diversion away from his near slip up, but unlike Kagami who had perked up at the promise of seeing the park's inhabitants and had already forgotten their previous conversation, Madara made sure to level a flat look at his cousin that served as a wordless warning he knew Shisui would understand implicitly.

“Right! Well, let’s get going then!” Shisui quickly clapped his hands together in a near hysterical manner, and Madara had to stifle the snort that very nearly escaped him in response.

#mdtb #madatobi!Zoo AU #senju tobirama #uchiha madara #uchiha kagami #uchiha shisui

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sweet-s0rr0w · 11 months

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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much to @citrusses, @danpuff-ao3, @tackytigerfic, @maesterchill and @squintclover for tagging me in this! I loved reading your answers, which is what made me finally decide to do this one. I'm really awful at these, and I'm stuck in that endless blank early period of motherhood where my focus is so inwards, so survivalist, that I've lost all sense of popular songs/films/sport, which is a big part of why I don't generally do other 'about you' type posts. So I'm also tagging @elskanellis, @epitomereally, @mallstars, @oknowkiss and @thecouchsofa who recently tagged me in other posts to say thank you <3 and I appreciate you, and here, do this one if you like <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25, good grief

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

332,461!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Harry Potter. Can’t see that changing any time soon, but never say never. Meanwhile F1 will remain the One That Got Away!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Nor All That Glisters (111k, E, Drarry)

Kept in Cages (77k, E, Drarry)

Dreaming Skies (21k, E, Dron collab with @tackytigerfic)

When The Party's Over (5.4k, E, Drarry)

Among the Elements (8.3k, E, Drarry)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Embarrassingly enough, not usually. Basically, I got very overwhelmed last summer after writing Kept in Cages, because I pushed myself ridiculously hard to get it finished in time for Wireless (last fic in Wireless, but I made it!!) Combined with a lot of stress in my personal life, I then experienced massive burnout and had six months of complete writer’s block. Meanwhile, I got some really wonderful, brilliant, thoughtful comments on that fic, and I felt just awful and like a total fraud who couldn’t put a sentence together, and couldn’t bring myself to even respond. And now I don’t feel like I can reply to anything more recent until I’ve got through the old comments, etc etc. I guess I should just get over myself and crack on though, because I love getting comments and do really truly read and appreciate every single one.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I tend to give them at the very least a hopeful ending, so I had to look through my account to work this out, and I think this has to go to my weird tiny little dark fic Not Waving (M, 3k, Drarry).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

As above, I do like a happy ending, but rarely is it unqualified happiness. Kept in Cages, maybe, because I like that they’ve built a life away from everything, and that it’s something that they’ve each freely chosen. Or perhaps Silhouettes (E, 17k, Dronarry), which now I think about it does have a rare conveniently-packaged ending!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet! The odd lightly offensive bookmark rating, but nothing that especially bothers me. I got caught up in the top/bottom trolling early in my time in fandom, but that stuff was so ridiculous I just deleted the lot of it and didn’t think of it again.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I write what I want to read, really, which (naturally) involves smut. I can’t do PWPs though; there’s a Tumblr post that says, like, ‘I’m going to write a quick PWP, the starting premise is that character A has lost their faith in god’, and this is kind of me. Sex in fic for me is a big part of relationship development, and so I usually slot in whatever works best for the characters from that point of view. I’m actually writing something right now that’s fast sexual burn/slow relationship burn, and it’s a very new dynamic for me, to try and take the feelings away (a bit, obviously they’re going to catch them sooner or later).

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t really enjoy reading them, so it doesn’t really enter my mind to try and write one. I suppose sports AUs are the exception to the rule – does that count? I haven’t written one, but I’ve read some I’ve adored (@sleepstxtic, @citrusses) and I could see myself having a go.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A couple, I think. Someone translated NATG to Brazilian Portuguese, all 111k of the thing (although looking now I think it might have been taken down!), and Nice I think got translated to Vietnamese.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, Dreaming Skies with @tackytigerfic. Dream come true, etc etc. I have to say, I’d absolutely be up for another collab with someone in the future (time/life/etc allowing, which is a big if for me).

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Drarry. Twenty-one years and counting!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh, I’d never say never! Good to always have something on the backburner, I say.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, I think. And I used to think pacing, but currently having a slight crisis about this in my latest fic, so get back to me! But yeah, dialogue; as I was saying to @fluxweeed the other day, sometimes I feel like I write my fics by just filling in the gaps between dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Everything that’s not dialogue! No, I’d say probably endings. I don’t think I’ve mastered the art of ending strong just yet. I’m too keen to satisfy readers, possibly, or maybe it’s the dialogue thing again, I want to end on a quip or something, and it never sits quite right. I should really start looking at what I think makes a good ending, I guess.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Fine? I mean, I wouldn’t personally do it using google translate or anything, because I’d have horrors that I’d accidentally end up insulting someone, but if I know the language a bit and/or have someone I can trust to help, that’s fine.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First and only, HP. I read HP back in the early 00s – a broad range of stuff, following the well-known authors (Cassie Clare, Maya, Rhysenn, Aja etc), but was always just a lurker, never part of fandom (was too nervous, and too busy with F1, which was a very niche fandom back then, consisting of about 30 of us and an unhealthy number of screenshots of Jarno Trulli’s backside after every race – I ran a fic archive and modded fests etc, but never wrote). Then when I got back into fandom, it was immediately HP, and immediately Drarry <3

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Don’t make me choose between my children!

Tagging: gosh, I think I've tagged enough people just in the course of my ramblings! Oh, maybe also @shealwaysreads, and @skeptiquewrites if you haven't done it, and the Aussie crew @moonflower-rose and @shiftylinguini, I'd love to know your answers if you have the inclination. Anyone who gets a tag for the post please feel free to do it and please do tag me with your responses <3

#drarry #dronarry #my writing #look mum i actually did one of these

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polarisbibliotheque · 7 months

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About the time a guy was being creepy to me on a professional setting and my gut feeling told me "GET OUT NOW"

Ok, so hi! This post has to do with a reblog recently here in my blog, on one of my fics regarding Dante and Vergil with an s/o suffering from being hit on without their consent. I write Devil May Cry fanfiction and that was my way of coping with a CREEP being, well, a creep.

Who would've known, fanfic is therapeutical

My answer got so big, I decided to make a separate post about it - and I'm talking like this because, if this gets out the DMC sphere and other people read it, they'll understand the fandom talk a little bit. This is not just for the fandom, but everyone out there.

Including men. All of us are prone to being targets of creeps - even if I'll be telling about my experience as a woman, take this advice to your heart NO MATTER your gender.

When this episode happened in my life, I was 27 y/o, I think...? I got pushed into such a stupid corner by this guy who kept messaging me with "work related" stuff... And my family wasn't validating my "this is weird" feeling.

So... What happened?

(TW: I mention the words "rape" and "sexual abuse" but none of that has happened. It was a red flag and I want to talk about avoiding it like the plague and how people might dismiss your gut feeling when something is wrong. I write with brutal honesty, curse words and don't censor anything, because I'm here to tell people how it is not curating content to go viral on clean ~family friendly~ social media. This is honest advice I'd give someone else, so it's just a heads up. I'm a little jaded with all the censoring of "forbidden words" when you have to discuss serious subjects like this nowadays hahahaha)

First context, I'm a Lawyer. Hi. I know it doesn't sound like it Second context, I'm from Latin America. Hi again!

Well, in my country, we have to vote every couple of years for the National Lawyer Association President and Vice-President (for my USA people, it's like the BAR association for Lawyers - meaning only lawyers who have passed the BAR and are, indeed, full-fledged to the association and with a lawyer permit can vote). I hate it, but it is what it is, I have to vote every time for one of those posh speaking clowns or else.

This much older guy stopped me at the entrance to the voting building to do some political propaganda of one of the candidates. Expected. They weren't the ones I was gonna vote 'cause their agenda didn't fit what I wanted for the Association - nevertheless, I smiled and was polite. Guy wouldn't shut up, but that's a lawyer thing. Kept being polite, dismissed him kindly and went inside to vote.

As I came back, guy is there and stops me. I had called my mom to give me a ride home - by that time, I had been broke and without a job for 2 years up until that point, trying to get back into the ~lawyer business~ and recover from a very bad burnout, so paying a ride back home was a big no. I had my phone on my hand and kept chatting because, you know, networking. You never know.

Now, mind you. I'm about to celebrate my 30th birthday this year, but people seriously think I'm underage wherever I go. I have to literally show them my credentials and ID so they can believe a single word I say. This guy, must've been around his 50s or something - and I look like a teen or, at best, 20 years old. I graduated when I was 22, so that's the most he could've imagined I was.

As we're talking, dude is flexing his career so hard I start to do the same. He says he has known the President and influential people in politics (back then, far-right government, so red flag already waving in the horizon), he has an office both here and in New York and Miami, he has worked with the FBI (we're in Latin America, the USA stuff is a flex for far-right people). I say I have worked as the Labor Lawyer in a huge worldwide known multinational company, coordinated with people in the USA and UK, had around 100 cases to manage monthly and keep the company in order when the directors were not around.

Guy is impressed and asks for my contact on LinkedIn. I'm down for it, I'm looking for a job and he could be one hell of a way to get back on business. Dude mentions he's in digital law and, heck, I wanted so bad to get into digital law! It was like he was put in my way by the angels to help me get back on my feet!

He asks for my resumé and my cellphone number, so he can have me in his office to have a cup of coffee. I am soaring by now. "That's it!!" I think "That's my ticket back to being a lawyer, to having my own money, to breaking the cycle of unemployment and having my career back!" - so I do it! I give him my number!

hello, workaholic aunt here speaking, my career was everything to me, I'd do everything for it

After I got back home, told my mom everything, and everyone was so happy. That's when he started sending me messages - asking for my address so he could send me some lawyer magazines and such... Even though he had asked when we were talking before and I changed the subject. I didn't give him of course, but instead sent him my resumé.

So, next day he asks me about that coffee and I said we can make it happen... Even if he got my name wrong. I have a pretty exotic name in whatever country I go, so it's a common mistake, known to happen, no one can pronounce my name right if I don't teach them how to, so yeah. I'm willing to gloss over that.

I'm assuming he read my resumé, saw how smart, capable and hardworking I am, and wants to talk business. Wants to offer me a job. I'm super ready. I'm taking my business clothes out of the closet, I'm cleaning my high heel black boots, I'm checking my references and vocabulary so I don't screw up. Guy sends a message saying he wants to take me out for lunch.

Red flag. My instincts flare up and I'm just staring at the screen. I start reviewing everything. I mean... Business lunches are ok, right? I had lunches with my manager and director plenty of times back in the day and it never got weird. So... Why was I feeling weird now...?

Guy says we can go out for lunch and then back at his office so he can show me around. I was like "hmmm... ok? shouldn't be weird. this is normal." but nevertheless I went to check with my mom and my sister.

Both said it was fine. I was feeling weird because it's a guy and me and I shouldn't be feeling uneasy - it's my social anxiety/workplace trauma talking. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I shouldn't screw up.

I keep talking to him. I ask where we should meet up for this lunch and he tells me to give him my address, so he could pick me up and we can go to "a nice place to have lunch" (his words, not mine).

Red flags are dancing around my head. I keep thinking "have I lead him on something????" and going mad. What was I wearing? Only work clothes, that's all - suit pants, black high heel boots, dark silk shirt and only a nude lipstick so my lips wouldn't get chapped. My shirt didn't even show cleavage.

It's ridiculous how I feel this is a thing I should add 'cause heaven forbid the cleavage

What about what I've said? Did I accidentally flirt?? 'Cause that's been known to happen - I'm a clueless ace who can't for the life of me notice when people are flirting or not or notice when people think I'm flirting with them. And usually when they are not flirting or being attractive, that's when the magic happens for me! So... What gives?! Did I do something wrong, that sent the wrong message?

I mean, I was nice, yes. But you're supposed to be nice to people. I'm not gonna be rude just because most guys can't keep it in their pants.

I go over the messages. I didn't do anything strictly not business like. I'm very good at that. I have only worked responding to men as bosses in my life, had four male bosses before him, all different ages, marital status, star signs, backgrounds, lives. The best colleagues and co-workers I used to spend hours having coffee and laughing with were men. So I know how to keep professional and not mixing things up. It wasn't a slip up from my side.

Well, then there's always the chance I was going crazy and overreacting, soooo... I go over to my mom and sister. They think it's weird, yes, but they do think that's exactly what's going on: I'm overreacting and my social anxiety/workplace trauma is blocking me from pursuing this opportunity that can help my career - and make me have a salary again so I can help at home.

Ok. I though up and go back to talking to him. I tell him fine but I'll go to the place myself, so he can tell me where he's thinking about having lunch. Guy tells me nothing and keeps insisting I give him my address and he will give me a ride so we can "get to know each other better".

My GODS I've never felt so uncomfortable. Not even when I had to stay ONLY with my boss working until 1 am, only the two of us in the company building, every light out except the one in the room we were in, him being around 15 years older than me and very confident, with the two of us having one of the best work chemistry I had in my LIFE.

He could've done ANYTHING to me, but we only talked strictly work. We were tired, he waited for my mom to pick me up at 1 am outside so nothing bad would happen to me, both of us under an umbrella, he apologized to my mom for having me stay at work so late and then went back home to his wife and kid. I NEVER, at ANY moment felt unsafe around him. He was my mentor, he was my boss, he was a good colleague and even somewhat of a friend.

So why on EARTH was I feeling SO UNCOMFORTABLE with this guy I had only met ONCE face to face in my life?

I start to voice my concerns. My mom and my sister think I'm only saying that because I don't want to go back to work. That I want to throw my career away because I can't control my anxiety and my feelings. We fight a couple of times and a couple of days. My mom tells my aunt about it. My aunt goes full FBI and does a background check on this dude.

That's when she told my mom some things weren't adding up. His LinkedIn profile was a little too weird and he had no ties whatsoever with the elected President of the Lawyer Association - was he really someone in their team for propaganda? Nevertheless, he did have an office and did work with digital law, both here and in the USA. I shouldn't let this opportunity slip.

I got so mad. SO MAD. To the point my sister decided to ask her boyfriend for his opinion on all of it and he was like "hey... your sister is kinda right. guy wouldn't offer to take ME to a nice restaurant to have lunch and go to his office later for a coffee, would he...? I mean, this never happened to me" - and sis' boyfriend is on the business meetings and negotiations/selling part of the spectrum. He knows what he's talking about.

So now I finally have a man validating my concerns.

I take the decision to shut the whole thing down. I go "very well, I will NOT meet him, I will NOT maintain contact with him, he's treating me like a whore he picked up on the street". At this point, I am FUCKING FUMING. But still, my sister and mom gave him the benefit of the doubt and made me feel like I was doing something wrong.

So I decided to marinate him for a while.

I should note that all his messages were sent close or around midnight, not at working hours. And I only answered at working hours. Since I was taking a while to respond, my dude just goes like, and I kid you not, "ooooh she's not answering, she's ignoring me, I don't like that *sad emoji*" LIKE A FUCKING 13 YEAR OLD (no offense, 13 y/o peoples, but this dude is a FULL GROWN ASS MAN).

I am offended, I am flabbergasted and I wish I could suplex him to oblivion.

I show my mom the message. She just stares at me in awe. She FINALLY is like "yeah, ok, this isn't very professional". ALL THIS TIME, I never really told her what I was thinking and what was really worrying me. And then I break her the news that, what I'm really afraid of, is that this guy is going to rape me in his car. Or he's going to drive me somewhere I can't fight or scream and then he'll rape me. Whatever the scenario, it ended up with me being raped and I was scared. SO. FUCKING. SCARED.

My mom goes into Sphinx mode - that's when she doesn't answer and doesn't even look at me and just ~thinks~. It's a brutal reality she doesn't like and I don't like it either, I mean, it's my safety we're talking about here.

I shut down the guy completely. I tell him there's a family emergency and I couldn't continue to give him any attention nor I could go out for that lunch and I couldn't talk anymore. He SUDDENLY goes cold and "I am sorry if any of my messages seemed inconvenient. Do answer when you have the time so we can make an appointment." And that's it. No more messages. He's done in my book.

My mom tells my aunt. Aunt goes Sherlock Holmes mode this time and, lo and behold, they find an website of this guy's office. My mom is shocked at how 90's internet it looks for a guy who works with digital law. She then recognizes the address of the office but the doesn't remember of any office building in that street - so she Googles it.

His "office" is actually a residential building - meaning, it was his home address. She shows it to me and I want to cry - out of rage, shame, fear, sadness. I go like "yeah, this is the place he wanted me to go, to his home. What was he going to do to me there, huh?" - and I think the answer is pretty obvious.

Later, speaking to my sister, she's like "I dunno why you're so mad" and I'm like "WELL MISS I just got PICKED UP LIKE A WHORE outside of an OFFICIAL EVENT for the NATIONAL LAWYER ASSOCIATION while I was DRESSED UP PROFESSIONALLY and looking for PROFESSIONAL opportunities and I COULD HAVE BEEN RAPED. I think I have all the right in the FUCKING WORLD to be FUMING."

That's when we diverged some more. She just said like "hey that's how the world works: women are treated like whores - you weren't the first one to have this happen to you and you won't be the last. What are you gonna do about it? Get over it."

Oh. Boy. I looked at my sister's eyes. I saw her just staring at me weirdly. A storm was approaching. The skies darkened. Bury the Light started playing in the background. Vergil's doppelgänger was standing behind me like an angel of death. (All DMC references for my non-DMC peoples)

"Well. I wanna have power. So much fucking power in this world that no one ever even thinks about treating me like that again. So much power they will fear standing in front of me and saying those words - they will look into my eyes and shut up. So much power I will never be afraid to walk on my own again and I will never have to doubt my feelings when I'm feeling unsafe because some lowlife pitiful little shit decided I should be a whore to satisfy him. I want to have power so I will never be this helpless again."

Cue in my sister just sitting there with butter in the slice of bread in her hand, staring at me like "wtf man... do you need a hug...?" and me doing a dramatic exit back to my room to, well... Write the fanfic in question.

(For my DMC creatures: I never even thought of Vergil when I said all of this, I just noted that thought later in my diary and reading it a couple of days later I was like "omg I have become my worst enemy, fuck you Verge" because I kid you not, I used to hate this man with all the fibers of my being - hence where my longfic Nemesis came from. I realized I lived long enough to become my worst enemy - and maybe I hated him because Vergil made me look at the part of myself I didn't like and didn't want to admit existed *I'm laughing while writing this, I do find it weirdly amusing*)

DMC things aside, this WHOLE episode made me feel so frustrated. I never had anyone to validate me, only people doubting me or asking me if I lead him on, or what was I wearing, or if I smiled too much, if I was being too nice, if I said something inappropriate, and so on. I had to get it all off my chest and I thought maybe, juuuust maybe, Dante and Vergil would've been more supportive regarding that.

Because, you know, they know trauma and they are protective as fuck. They can have all the red flags and mental issues in this world, but I don't think they would EVER dismiss their partner - especially a woman - feeling unsafe and fearing being abused or raped. In order to trust, you have to give the person and opportunity and room to open up to you without judgements - and I do think they aren't very judgy people.

I mean, they are demons, for fuck's sake. They can't judge anything especially Vergil

Also, I don't blame my mom nor my sister (even if I got really mad at her). In the end, both of them wanted what was best for me, they thought it was an opportunity and wanted me to get my career back. Truth is, no woman knows how to act when this happens. And they didn't know how to act as well. They didn't want to think of the worst: just like I was doubting myself and my own feelings, they were doubting theirs as well. We ALL had to be validated by a man to admit something was wrong and we weren't hysterical.

Ok, ok, storytime over. But I felt like sharing this because people, you are ALWAYS valid in your concerns - and there's no clothing, no smile, no attitude, no NOTHING that JUSTIFIES abuse. If you're abused or feeling like someone wants to take advantage of you, especially sexually, YOUR FEELINGS AND FEARS ARE VALID. Don't shrug it off or water it down just because people are saying you're overreacting - if I had listened to everyone around me instead of my gut feeling that something was REALLY wrong, only the gods know what would've happened. But I'll tell ya, it probably wouldn't have been good for me.

At best, I'd be mad this guy would want to pick me up like a whore and I'd have to turn him down and take a ride home. At worst, he would've raped me - in his car, at the "restaurant", at his "office". We don't know, but I didn't want to "give luck to bad luck" as we say where I live.

I didn't have support, so I wrote a story to feel supported by the fictional characters I look up to - I wished SO bad I was dating someone, especially a man, who'd tell me he'd go through hell and back to keep me safe and wouldn't allow anyone to hurt me and validate my feelings. Someone who would make me feel safe and I wouldn't have to only rely on myself.

cue in V saying he too wanted to be loved and protected, I tell you, all this time I thought I hated Vergil when I had only found my nemesis in a mirror

So, don't ever doubt yourselves. Don't ever doubt your gut feelings. We might want validation and someone to keep us safe, but sometimes we don't have that and have to rely on our survival mode. It sucks, but there's a reason why that thing is called "survival": it keeps you alive. It keeps you going.

And no one, NO ONE has the right to say you're overreacting, you're being hysterical, you're reading too much into it, you're just trying to find the easy way out, you just don't want an opportunity because you're lazy, you're crazy and deranged, etc, etc.

If your gut is flapping red flags all around, then overreact. Be hysterical. Read too much into it, find the easy way out, be lazy, be crazy and deranged. Be the villain. Be the bad person. You're not perfect. You're not a princess. Be comfortable with people telling you you're bad - but never NEVER let go of your gut feeling when your safety is on the line.

That fucking thing WILL save your life. Being too nice, though, might not. Listen to yourself, be TRUE to yourself, and, again, don't be afraid to be bad.

Someday you might just find your half-demon man who will support you, protect you and treat you as an equal powerhouse, but until that day, keep on conquering your self-esteem and unwavering will.

I'm just saying all of this now because:

1 - I was too scared to talk about this for a looong time afraid the guy in question would find this, know it's me and my safety would be on the line again

2 - Just now I'm getting comfortable with the concept of being "seen as the villain" and being "seen as bad". My whole life I have been dancing around this because people always said I had a "difficult" personality. I watched Cruella recently and it hit home so hard. We do have things to learn from villainous characters and maybe this is just who I am. People are going to see me as bad so, who cares. Even if I'm not, it would do me good getting used to that idea - I can be more assertive to my boundaries and not allow any of this to happen again. So, there you go. It's an exercise everyone should do. Are you comfortable defending your ideas, your boundaries and your integrity even if people are mad you're not being a pushover/perfectly polite?

It's something I think all of us should think about ;)

Also

thanks for coming to my TED Talk :')

#polaris speaks #story time #red flags #workplace #work life #job hunting #I don't even know how to tag this #so if you guys have any ideas you're welcome to add #I just think it's a bit of experience we all have to share #so other people will be aware and know how to avoid this kind of shit #because like I told you not even all the women in my family knew how to act #and we all have this thing of not being rude or cutting off relationships or networking contacts and such #of being perfect all the time #hence why I'm on this 'be bad be villainous be fabulous' phase #'cause I do think some of us could benefit from that #don't be a bitch by all means #but know how to set and protect your boundaries #alsoooo it's a huge post #I know #but I felt it might be good #so thanks for reading if you read all of it HAHAHAHA #I HOPE it has helped you xD #still scared of that guy finding me tho not gonna lie #but it is what it is

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drdemonprince · 2 years

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I wanted to thank you for Unmasking Autism. Beyond the content, which is both extremely relatable and extremely insightful, I am overjoyed with how much listening to it has pulled me in and kept me engaged. I have struggled with reading or even listening to audio books since my diagnosis because my ability to read and process information was the biggest casualty of the intense burnout that began when my mom died in 2020 that ultimately led to my diagnosis. Reading just broke for me, and it's been gut wrenching.

This is the first book I have attempted to read or listen to that I am devouring the way I used to devour books, and it is because so much of it is relatable and articulated in a way that resonates. The way you write about your experiences is so similar to how I describe my own, even when describing traits where I present very differently. You understand and recognize the incredible nuance and intersection of autism and other parts of identity and life experience, but you present it in a way that is understandable and relatable. The infinite complexity is acknowledged and embraced without the explanation itself being needlessly complicated.

Unlike every other audio book I have tried, I rarely find myself having to rewind to try to parse something that didn't make sense on first listen, which is filling me with such joy because I have struggled so much to recover my reading ability and while audio books have been somewhat more accessible because my visual challenges aren't an obstacle, it's still been such a source of pain to struggle to understand and process books. It felt like losing something that was a huge part of my life and a major form of emotional self care.

I plan to read the text version once I finish the audio book. The way this has woken up parts of my brain that felt locked away is giving me confidence to try to break into the rest of those walled off areas again. It might sound hyperbolic, but it feels like you fixed part of my brain that I thought might be gone for good. This is the book I needed right now to feel more like myself. It needed to be this topic, something which has been central to every aspect of my life for so long and which I am still trying to understand. It needed to be written this way, with a voice that is clear and direct. It needed to be written by someone who's understanding is personal but also communal, someone who understands the intersections of identity that lead to inequity and hostility for marginalized communities.

I really needed this right now.

Thank you so much.

This is such an immensely lovely comment to receive, I've been sitting with it the last few days not knowing what to say. I'm really glad you've found a way to enjoy and reconnect with reading and that you're feeling empowered to do more.

Over the years I've had long lulls between being able to enjoy any books, video games, or even music at times, and losing an ability to access a type of joy I once considered a big part of me is very tough and deadening. But rediscovering those passions and the ability to take them in and appreciate them is like coming back alive.

(I just had that kind of deadened lull recently with gaming-- because of the medium being associated with my ex, I havent been able to enjoy it the last couple years for myself.

but then i rediscovered the passion of being swept up with a wonderful, thought provoking game on my most recent play thru of disco elysium and fuck, the dora conversation had me really tearing up. and all the conversations about ideology in the game have me feeling passionate about political psychology, a field i studied for years and then abandoned, for the first time in a long, long while.)

Sending you well wishes and hoping that anybody else who is reading this who has been unable to enjoy their passions the past few years finds a way to reignite that spark again soon, too. I think lockdown and the breakdown of regular daily rhythms combined with increased social media usage made it very, very hard for me to gear shift into enjoying challenging art for a *while*, and from what i've seen and heard many people are reporting the same. may it all come back for us.

anyway, yeah, thank you for telling me. im glad my book was able to help get you back on the road to enjoying books. i was very intentional when i was writing it about signposting everything that i was going to say and explaining things both thoroughly and clearly, trusting that the reader could understand and find pleasure in groking all the the scientific work and sociopolitical argumentation so long as it was presented to them in sensible way. i was so fortunate that my editor allowed me to really get into the weeds and parse through the nuances of many topics while also encouraging me to put things plainly and compassionately.

i dont know if my next book is quite up to snuff in this regard yet -- it's really dense, and i seem to have lost some of the ability to slowly break down complex topics sometimes lately, so your message is a necessary reminder to put in that work. if i can't explain something simply, i dont yet understand it, and that means i have some more work to do.

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lilmagiceverywhere · 9 months

Text

"A PSALM FOR THE WILD BUILT" by Becky Chambers

4.75/5 ✨️

I had found A Psalm For The Wild-Built recommended to me searching through various solarpunk/hopepunk tags a while ago, and noted it in my mind to come back to it later.

But to be honest, I doubted that I would ever actually get around to reading it. My college classes kicked me straight into a horrible reading slump since I started them at sixteen years old, and it’s been hard for me to get through books ever since. And I have read books outside of those textbooks, but it’s only been an average of one or three a year, not a big number.

Yet I found the book pop up on my phone again in December, and it planted a seed in my head. I wanted to read the book, I really did, but I didn’t want to add to the pile of physical books I’ve bought in the past and wanted to read, so I decided I would go about it differently.

I got my copy through the library.

I know to some people, going to the library isn’t as revolutionary as they might expect. But I hadn’t used a library in years, and the library I have access to is an actual building, not a small converted ranch house with barely enough room for all the bookshelves. And I could reserve the copy online and pick it up, I didn’t have to spend hours searching for a book and somehow end up lost in the accounting books looking for a sci-fi book.

Libraries are great, y’all.

Anyway, let’s actually talk about the book. Spoilers beyond this point, you have been warned.

A Psalm For The Wild-Built is a novel (or perhaps a novella, it is on the shorter side) by author Becky Chambers. The story is quite simple– Dex, a tea monk, feels unsatisfied with their job, and can’t figure out why. One day, while traveling between settlements, Dex comes in contact with the first robot any human has seen in centuries.

The novel is mostly conversational. Unlike other stories I’ve found myself drawn to in the past, the conflict doesn’t rely on saving the city/the world, defeating an evil authoritative figure (be it a king, queen, or weird demon), or a revolution. The conflict is more internal. Dex is suffering from what I would consider Severe Burnout™, and it takes them from a life of comfort to literally climbing up a mountain.

But I find myself drawn to this sort of conflict now. As much as I love the stories of revolutionaries overthrowing authoritative figures, maybe with a bit of magic or sci-fi jumbo thrown in as well, having that be the only story I enjoy for years has made me a bit yearnful for something more mundane. I suppose that’s where the genre of “cozy scifi/fantasy” comes in. It’s not epic quests or large adventures, it’s the story of everyday lives in a more extraordinary world.

Dex’s conflict is dealing with burnout. Something that I’ve been feeling myself for a while, not just creatively. Even though it’s been years, the COVID-19 burnout that I felt during my college years really took a number on me. I was depressed, I hardly left my single dorm room, I didn’t go out and experience a lot of things, and I only made myself do the bare minimum in order to graduate. At the time, I felt like it was necessary for my survival to do that. I graduated almost two years ago, and recently, I’ve been reconsidering that philosophy that pushed me through college. Was it necessary for my survival, or if I had pushed myself more, would my experiences have been marginally better?

Having Dex’s conflict be internal like that spoke to me a lot. Even though the reasons for burnout are different, the symptoms are the same. The solution, in a sense, is similar as well. I’m not going to free-climb up a mountain any time soon, but I think getting out in nature has helped me recover from the COVID-19 burnout.

I got a job at a place that’s going to remain redacted for my privacy’s sake, but it’s a place that gets me close to two different things– people and nature. The people part is mostly just customer service, but I work at a nature-place, which has biologists and horticulturalists and researchers who are actually looking into ways we can help the planet within the ongoing climate change crisis. Half of my coworkers are vegetarian or vegan, and being in a place like this has inspired me to do more about my physical and mental health.

Dex’s solution to their burnout was also to retreat to nature, though theirs is much more literal. They detour from the path they’ve set themself on recklessly, going towards the uncontrolled wilderness of their land of Panga (which I’m assuming is a reverse Pangea situation) instead of the next town they were supposed to visit. In the wilderness, there is supposedly a monastery for those seeking respite from the city life, and even though it’s been years since a human last stepped foot there, Dex makes it their mission to visit it, thinking it might be the cure to their weird affliction (which, to be fair, they aren’t recognizing as burnout).

While on the road there, Dex encounters Splendid Speckled Mosscap, a robot. Centuries before Dex’s time, the robots who worked for the humans gained a sudden consciousness. It is not a violent robot revolution, in fact, it’s a more philosophical one. The robots promise to see the humans again, but they need some time to themselves. To discover things, to discover what life truly is all about.

Mosscap is a robot who volunteered to play the role of ambassador, to return to the humans to see what the humans need help with. And it just so happens that Dex is the first human it comes across.

I’m not going to dive too in depth more about the plot and conflict of the book, because I really want to encourage anyone reading this to experience it for themselves. I love the dynamic that forms between Dex and Mosscap (my beloved). They have such interesting conversations, from the nature of humanity, to the differences between robots and humans, to even the more mundane things, like cooking, and taking a less-traveled path.

The book is pretty character and dialogue heavy, but it works out perfectly for the type of conflict its supposed to reflect. If you like more action and description in your books, though, this might not be the one for you, and that’s okay! But if you’re intrigued at all by this book, I suggest you check out your library to see if they have a physical or digital copy you can borrow. It’s a delight of a book, and there’s even a sequel I now get to patiently wait for to return to the library so then I can check it out!

#a psalm for the wild built #a psalm for the wild built becky chambers #becky chambers #book review #story review #original

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minhosbitterriver · 23 days

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okay i promise this is the last one for know since i know your requests are piling up😭

it’s a bit of a change of pace from what i usually ask for, but would you be comfortable writing a small ot6 reaction of how the heroes would be with an autistic/adhd partner?

like how they’d react to their stims or going on and on about their special interests? maybe helping them when they experience sensory overload or burnout? how they react to that autistic rizz😎

i saw on your “about me” page that you also have audhd, so i know i can trust you with this topic. and as you know i’m moving back home from another country, and i really struggle with transitioning, so these new couple weeks are going to be so mentally and physically exhausting.

again, only if you’re comfortable writing it!! i know mental disabilities aren’t the easiest topics to talk about, let alone write about!!

okay i promise i’m done for now. sending lots of love🫶🫶

- 🍀

This was genuinely such a pleasure to write 🥹 I can't even explain how soft this made me as I was proofreading it, I love it so much 💕 I do have to preface the fact that the way I decided to portray AuDHD in these pieces is mostly similar to the way it presents in me, but of course, not everyone's AuDHD looks the same! Still, I tried to keep it as relatable as I could. I especially dedicated Junhan's part to you, so I hope it brings you some kind of comfort during these hard times 🥺🫶

I won't even lie, I don't think I've ever really written something like this before, so it was kind of a head-scratcher for me for a little bit while I tried to figure out how to approach it because like you said, it can be quite difficult to talk/write about disabilities in general (and we all know that ADHD and autism are just one big spectrum, so it makes it just a little more complicated). But I'm actually really happy with how it came out, and it ended up being so self-indulgent and fun, so thank you!

Can I ask by what date you're supposed to have already moved? You don't have to answer, of course, I'm just curious.

SIDE NOTE: I received your message this morning and again, please don't apologize! I seriously completely understand that life is hectic recently, so please — make sure to take deep breaths and rest when you need to, make sure to eat and hydrate yourself for extra strength! That said, thank you for answering my question! I haven't had the chance to really touch it yet, but I have a few ideas that I want to try and see if it fits the vibe I want to go for with the threesome 🤭 ── ( 𝐱𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐞𝐬 )

─── ⋆⋅☆ STEADY LOVE

( 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ) ( 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 & 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) ( 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ) ( 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 ) 7.4k

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worldismyne · 3 months

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Seeing how you actually are able to keep your promise of weekly chapters, any tipps to commiting to a schedulde? I often think with all my free time I should be able to do the same with my storys but I just get burnt out or distracted and then self loath cause when I actually have the will again I have work responsibilities or other important stuff going on

Don't commit to an upload schedule until the first draft is finished.

Write to entertain yourself, not to meet a deadline.

Write as much as you can while the idea is new and exciting.

When soft writing and/or brain storming, I like to make a playlist specific to that story. The scenes I have that are tied to specific songs are the easiest to write.

Find the 1 hr on your days off that you have the most energy. (For me it's right after breakfast). Try as often as you can to write then. Even once every other week, is amazing.

It's okay to leave fics unfinished.

Your freetime where you rest is important

Listen to audiobooks in the same genre that you're aiming to write.

Whenever stuck, don't google, put < get there > and keep writing. When editing go back and either add to the scene or just cut it. 9/10 if I think a scene needs something to start it off, it actually doesn't.

(Longer explination of my process under the cut).

DON'T COMMIT TO AN UPLOAD SCHEDULE UNTIL IT'S ALREADY DONE.

I write as much as I can while hyperfixating on a story without posting it. So the draft for the fic I'm uploading atm was finished three months ago. I started uploading when I had 16 chapters written (or 4 months of backlog).

I can't count on how long an idea will hold my interest, or if I have enough material to stretch it out over multiple chapters. (I only just recently got into one shots. If you look at my other fics, I average around 20 k for a 'long' fic, because I get bored). So don't hold yourself to a strict length. Write the important, most engadging parts, walk away, come back and make sure it flows.

The important thing is I'm writing to entertain myself. Writing for a self imposed deadline or to meet audience expectations always burns me out. (No amount of kudos or comments will ever combat that)

I work 3, 12 hr night shifts a week, so a lot of the writing I do is during downtime at work. I personally find it difficult to write at home and spend a great deal of time recovering from working. The body needs that time to recover and it took years of unlearning that rest and self care are unproductive or a waste of time. If your work doesn't allow you that luxury, have a place out of the house you go to for longer periods of writing.

The playlist thing is a lifesaver, never discount the importance of soft writing. I literally can not visualize things, so music helps me have an outline to plot out scenes or chapters (i.e. what tone am I trying to capture). Also works to reignte the spark of inspiration. The time I'm most active is the morning, but that time often gets eaten up by real life, however it's easy to budget a half hour of time to that peak writing time. Those lil bits add up. If you haven't made progress on something in a while, it isn't a bad thing that you've prioritized other things. The writing process should be fun. It's like playing pretend, but you get to keep it afterward.

It's okay to abandon fics.

I still reread unfinished fics people posted, because what they had up was full of passion. A lot of the fics I couldn't finish were either the scope of the story was too big for what I wanted to write or the direction I was taking the fic wasn't working. Crest of the Dragon was on a 6 year hiatus before I was able to come up with an ending I liked. I was surprised people who'd followed it and left tumblr came back just to congradulate me for finishing it. Your readers will understand if you have to step away from something for a while. Updating serially often puts fic writers in a corner, by having the WIP up for everyone to see.

Burnout is usually not from the writing, but the real life shit going on around us. It can take years to figure out the main source and how to deal with it. Mental and emotional rest are important. I'm a bit neuro spicy, so there are straight up weeks where I have to resign myself to not creating anything. Having the back log helps in those instances, since l typically make things in fevered burst and then have to recoop.

Recently figured out listening to disc world novels has helped with my SE fic. It has good examples of absurdest humor, world building and general descriptions. I don't have time to read, but a lot of audio books are free on youtube. If you really, really get stuck, seeing how a pro tackles things can help even subconciously.

<get there> is my new friend. I'm not big on writing non-linearly. For longer stories, I'll parse out the main story beats and then hope the characters develope in that direction. Sometimes they go off the rails on me, or a planned subplot gets scraped. So, for this fic, I had all the mystery reveals spaced out between the two storylines. For character arcs, I go on explorative vibes.

All this to say, writing for me is an escape, and most of the time I'm doing it when I'm in a position where my options are either be on my phone or write. If I got 15 min or more, I choose write. If I got a sentence out, that counts.

It doesn't have to be perfect, or finished, or written in a timely matter. It just has to be, as long as what you're writing entertains you. Worry about uploading once you're done with it.

#myne talks #writing advice #Writing at work is not the best advice but it's what i do >_> that and writing in l cafes #ao3 writer #Hope any of this helps o7

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silksongeveryday · 1 year

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I just want to quickly say please don't push yourself to try to fulfill every request !! we all really appreciate what you do and the fact that you're even taking requests to begin with is really cool of u !!! and if ur ever feeling overwhelmed don't hesitate to close requests, those ppl who are pressuring you to get to their request can just deal with it :T and thank you again for providing us coping fans with art to fuel us every day, ur awesome

First off, I want to thank you for being super understanding and appreciative of what I do! The fact that so many of you here have been supporting this blog so much has been a big highlight in my life recently. :)

That being said, I’d like to explain a few things now that we’re on the topic if you don’t mind!

About requests:

There are a few reasons that I usually keep my requests open that I think I would like to explain. One of these reasons is that sometimes I can’t always come up with very good ideas on my own all the time. Taking requests from everyone here in this community can help me draw ideas I would have never thought of and for that I’m grateful. Another is that I personally feel like taking requests builds a sense of community and gives me a chance to connect with all of you. I’ll be honest, I’ve been in quite a few fandoms and some of them were quite toxic. So to see that a majority of my experience here has been very nice has been refreshing in a way.

Now this doesn’t necessarily mean that I should feel obligated to do requests all the time. It’s just that I find them more fun than my ideas most of the time so that’s why there’s more of those than stuff that I’ve come up with.

The main rule that I’ve set for myself is that if I don’t like the request, I simply delete it. If someone repeatedly pushes for their request to be done I just simply ignore it or block that person if it’s too much. This is so I can keep this a comfortable experience for both myself and everyone else who follows this blog. Thankfully this doesn’t happen very often. This actually only happens with like a couple people which is why I haven’t really said anything much about it until now. It hasn’t really bothered me to be honest.

I also do close requests from time to time just to slow the flow down. This is so it doesn’t get too overwhelming since I do have a lot of requests that come in. As of posting this, there are like, 30+ requests that I haven’t done yet? But it’s not a big deal to me personally. I have a whole day to complete a 5 minute doodle so I’m sure I can take that tiny bit of time out of the day to do something so simple. That does mean waiting for your request might take longer, but I’ve already kinda talked about that haha.

Being overwhelmed:

Speaking of being overwhelmed,

Also I should clarify that I’m not really that overwhelmed by requests as you might think. I’ve had my fair share of overwhelming moments with similar scenarios like this and this is nothing compared to those. I knew what I was potentially getting into when starting this account so I knew what to prepare for ahead of time if it ever got to this point. I guess bad past experiences really can benefit you sometimes.

Now that doesn’t mean that I’m not overwhelmed at times! There will be a few moments that running this blog feels a little bit overwhelming but those moments are very brief. And in most cases those moments are usually worrying if people will like my doodle for that day or not. Or if I forgot to post that day lol. But generally speaking it’s nothing too worrying. I consider myself fairly good at keeping a level-headed attitude about this.

I’ve also had a few people both here on tumblr and other platforms say that they think I’m gonna burn out from doing this. Whether they mean this because Silksong hasn’t had any news for so long or because they’ve had no experience with a daily account, I’d like to assure you that burnout has a very low chance of happening for me. I’m intentionally putting semi-low effort into my doodles to avoid putting too much energy to this. Otherwise I’m absolutely sure I would have burned out weeks ago. If anything, I’m fully prepared to be posting to this blog for as long as a year assuming nothing happens along the way to prevent that. (*cough* like Silksong *cough* *cough*) If everything stays as is, then I’ll be here for a while.

Overall I’d just like to say that I’m under no pressure at all and all of this is just in good fun.

I think I mostly said everything I wanted to, but I hope I made myself clear about all this. If I missed anything I’ll probably talk about it on my main blog, @miizori.

And anon, you are a great person for being so considerate about this! You guys are just as awesome! My biggest takeaway from doing this is that I’ve had a good experience overall and it’s been really fun to interact with the community. I’ve also been enjoying watching my gradual improvement drawing my favorite characters too. If anything, it’s refreshing.

Most all of thanks for reading this! I look forward to posting more doodles to help everyone (myself included) with coping lol

- miizo :)

#silksongeveryday #not daily post #not art #oh yeah I almost forgot to mention #I’m probably going to close requests for like a week or two #just to catch up with current requests and so that I can fulfill the requests I want to do #but I will notify when requests go back up!

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