#He's actually giving him a better moral compass and is a good source of support for the kid

[goldengirlgalaxy]

An Assassin Child and His Ghost Sword

For whatever reason, Danny has become a magical sword and been thrown through time and space, eventually landing in a completely different world far in the past.

In all honesty, being a magic sword isn't the worst thing ever, to the point he's basically using it as an extended vacation. Whenever he's alone he sleeps, whenever he has a wielder, he gives them advice and extra abilities and the like. If he gets bored in one area, he's able to move himself to another.

However, Danny ended up screwing up somewhere down the line. See, he has the ability to only work for those who are 'worthy' (basically a catch all term for the people Danny likes or can at the very least be civil with). If someone 'unworthy' picks him up, he'll curse them.

Unfortunately, after a long string of unworthy people, everyone now believes Danny is solely a cursed blade, his ability to bless others forgotten when he finally goes down in the history books.

Then when Danny finally come to the modern age, he ends up being found by one Damian Al Ghul.

Damian is all by himself for one reason or another (running from the League, disagreement with the Bats, etc.) when he finds Danny. And frankly, what kid wouldn't want a magical, talking sword that grants incredible powers, especially when you've been trained in how to actually wield them. He doesn't really have a plan, so he decides to just travel around trying to find a place he belongs.

Danny likes the kid and decides to look after him since he's all by himself. He helps the kid travel around the world, teaches him how the world works, helps him with any moral issues that being raised by assassins brings, etc.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world is wondering who this small, wandering child with the sword is.

[cosmicjoke]

Levi and the importance of staying true to ones heart:

I'm gonna' talk about another aspect of Levi's choice in Shinganshina, but first, I want to dedicate this post to all the little bitch eruri shippers out there who are too scared to come off anon, who now can't send me hate messages over it since I turned anon asks off and ya'll are a bunch of cowards. Hope you enjoy this one, because it's for you.

I was thinking about an ask I got a few days ago, about why Erwin chose Hange over Levi to take over as commander, and why in turn Hange chose Armin, and I answered that I thought it had a lot to do with Levi's own philosophy of "no regrets", that is, Levi's insistence on always following ones heart, doing what one feels is the right thing in any, given situation. Not necessarily right in terms of what the outcome will be, but right in terms of how your choice will sit with your conscience.

I think obviously, this aspect of Levi's character, his belief in always doing what your heart tells you to do, is evidenced by his choice in Shinganshina, to give Armin the serum and to let Erwin die.

Putting aside all arguments regarding whether it was the right thing to do "for humanity", I think what maybe people don't focus on enough when it comes to this moment is whether it was the right thing to do morally.

I've talked before about how Levi's choice was really an act of compassion over ideology, here: https://www.tumblr.com/cosmicjoke/737207612761915392/the-importance-of-compassion-over-ideology-levis?source=share And I think it's worth revisiting this aspect of his choice again.

I think people get so caught up in the concept of "the greater good" when discussing "Attack on Titan", and this moment in particular, that they miss one of the main overarching themes of the story, which is that the "greater good", particularly, things done in the name of the greater good, can actually lead to horrific atrocities and cruelty, and that the idea of the "greater good" itself is based in subjectivity, and never absolute. It isn't something we should ever prioritize over the tangible and concrete reality before us. That tangible and concrete reality being the things we can do to alleviate the suffering of others now, rather than hoping for and pursuing some idyllic utopian future where nobody ever has to suffer, and, ironically, causing people to suffer in the pursuit of that goal.

I talk a lot too about how I don't think Levi has ever held any great faith in the concept of a better world. I think Levi is a realist. Someone who understands and accepts the bleak reality of life on this planet, someone who accepts human nature, who knows that a utopian existence isn't really possible because of that reality, but who, despite that, still maintains a great depth of kindness and compassion toward others, still values life and the right of others to live.

His support of his comrades in the Survey Corps has more to do with his wish to fight for them, to support their own, personal dream of a better world, than it does his own belief in that better world. He thinks of Erwin as a "greater existence" than himself, to quote Isayama, because he believes Erwin is able to conceptualize and believe in a better world, to see that possibility, while Levi himself can't.

What Levi is fighting for is people, not a concept. That's always been true of Levi, I think. We see that manifest in multiple ways, multiple times throughout the story. In Levi's first appearance, when he holds that dying soldier's hand and promises him that his sacrifice will give Levi the strength to keep fighting. When he gives Petra's patch to that grieving soldier. When he goes out of his way to help the people of Trost. When he saves Ramzi, endangering their mission to rescue a single child. When he refuses to accept right away that Eren has gone rogue, to turn on him, because so many of his comrades died for him and Levi can't bear the thought of them having sacrificed their lives for nothing. And we see it manifest in his choice to let Erwin die. He prioritizes a person over a concept. And I think that fact emphasizes the great morality of Levi's choice, and ultimately, the rightness of it. Concepts are just that. They aren't real. They're ideas. But people are real. People exist. People matter.

Armin talks early on about the need to abandon ones humanity in order to achieve victory. Erwin's entire character revolves around this premise. He's seen as a great and visionary leader because of his ability to detach himself from human emotion and make tough decisions and sacrifices. Basically, for his ability to engage the concept of the ends justifying the means. Whatever it takes to "win".

But then, what does winning even mean, what does salvation for humanity mean, if in the pursuit of it, we lose our humanity?

Levi talks about being willing to take on the role of a "monster" if it means nobody else having to. He understands that, if people are forced to lose their humanity in pursuit of freedom, then freedom itself is rendered meaningless. There is no salvation for humanity if we ourselves lose sight of what it means to be human. Levi says he's willing to become a monster, that he's willing to lose his humanity, as long as no one else has to. He's willing to make that sacrifice.

But what Levi's choice in Shinganshina shows us is that he actually wasn't able to abandon his humanity at all. He never was a monster, and never actually could be. Because he couldn't, in the end, look upon the suffering of another human being, and ignore it.

That goes back to what I said about why Erwin chose Hange, and why Hange chose Armin. To be an effective leader, in order to achieve "victory" of some abstract goal, one has to be able to abandon their humanity. And Levi can't.

Levi is the most compassionate and empathetic character in AoT. And part of the reason for that is because of the inherent nature of that compassion. He isn't able to give up his humanity, he isn't able to lose it, because it's too much a part of him, too deeply rooted in who he actually is. It's the driving force behind everything he is and does. The beating, bleeding heart and soul of the Survey Corps. His presence, his role within the story, in many ways, functions as the moral compass by which both the audience and the other characters are guided.

Even in the face of violence, war, atrocity, and prejudice, even in pursuit of some concept of "the greater good", Levi can't bring himself to actual cruelty. Because that's what it would have been, to give Erwin the serum. It would have been an act of cruelty, against a man who didn't deserve it. And, again, if in the pursuit of a better tomorrow, we ourselves become cruel, pitiless, unempathetic, merciless, how can a better tomorrow actually be achieved? What salvation is there for humanity if, by the end, we have no humanity left in ourselves?

Erwin was able to abandon his humanity in pursuit of a personal dream, and we saw where it ultimately lead him. Into a state of such utter depression, and so wracked by guilt, that he became ineffectual, needing Levi to do the right thing for him. Erwin had strayed down a path that went against his heart.

That's something Levi was never able to do. Go against his heart. Go against what he felt was right. The only time we really see Levi do something that doesn't sit right with him is when he helps Hange to torture Sannes, under Erwin's orders and as a favor to Hange. Levi is noticeably less enthused about the whole affair than Hange, taking no actual pleasure in the exercise, even visibly distraught over Hange's level of cruelty. And still we see after how heavily that weighs on him. He completely forgets to inform Historia of the information they tortured Sannes for in the first place, and then explodes on her when she refuses out of self-pity to take on the role of queen, threatening to render the whole thing pointless. Do what your heart tells you, this is something Levi emphasizes to others again and again, which is what I mean when I say he acts as the moral compass of the story. Do the best you can, make the choice you won't regret. That doesn't mean the choice that will have the best outcome. That means the choice which will sit well with your conscience.

And I think in order to understand Levi's choice in Shinganshina, one needs to understand what sort of choice it was. Levi's choice, in its purist form, was a choice of the heart. It was a moral choice, decided upon through conscience, through the understanding, at an intrinsic level, what was right, rather than some ideological pursuit with an intangible endpoint.

He knew it was wrong to bring Erwin back into the world, and to put the same expectations on him to be the great leader he had been. He knew, in its way, that to do so would be to betray his own declaration, of taking on the role of a monster for himself so long as it spared anyone else from having to do the same. Erwin was corrupted by his dream. The threat of that corruption promised to make him into a monster. And Levi wasn't going to let that happen, just like he said. He wasn't going to allow Erwin to lose his humanity, even if it meant condemning himself.

Whether one wants to argue over Levi's choice being the right choice for humanity's salvation or not, what I don't think is up for discussion is that Levi's choice was, in the end, the right choice morally. And no, that doesn't mean Levi chose Erwin over humanity, or that he sacrificed humanity for Erwin because he loved him. It means he chose compassion over an idea. He chose humanity over a concept. He chose a person over an ideal. Because it was the choice that rejected the ideology and the dogmatism of "the greater good" in favor of something real, which was kindness and mercy for another human being. It was a rejection of cruelty and barbarism in pursuit of some evanescent and ultimately meaningless concept.

There is no greater good without morality. There is no salvation for humanity without mercy or compassion.

[likealittleheartbeat]

I deeply appreciate how ATLA depicts all the main characters responses to trauma. Aang’s, for me, however, stands out for its rareness in media. And we are not hammered over the head with the idea that Aang (or any other characters) repeatedly act certain ways because of a single traumatic event. Sure, there are key moments in our lives when a certain event comes to the forefront, but no one experiences the world as constant flashbacks. Rather, we see only in retrospect the way our sarcastic sense of humor or our heightened friendliness were protective responses to a deep emotional injury. Being able to understand Aang’s approach to loss is essential for the show. The structure of the series is founded on his arc (despite an incredible foil provided by Zuko). Our little air nomad initially confronts the loss of his people with a full-on meltdown in the episode “The Southern Air Temple,” where Katara’s offering of familial belonging soothes him. But this kind of outburst is not Aang’s primary response (and actually the literally out-of-character apocalyptic tantrums align with Aang’s overall process of grieving). Instead of constantly brooding (hey Zuko!), Aang leans heavily toward the monk’s pacifist teachings and toward his assumed destiny “to save the world.” He becomes overtly accommodating and joyful, constantly trying to see “the good” in everything with a perfectionist’s zeal. This is not to ascribe his bubbliness only to his trauma. Rather, he comes to emphasize this part of his personality for reasons related to the negative emotions he struggles to face.  Book 1: Water

In the first season, Aang is simply rediscovering his place in the world. “Water is the element of change. The people of the water tribe are capable of adapting to many things. They have a sense of community and love that holds them together.” This is vital to Aang as he initially faces his experience. He won’t get through this if he is not prepared for his life to change. Even if he hadn’t been frozen for 100 years, his world would never be the same. This fact involves eventually finding new people that he feels safe with. After such a massive loss, he’s learning who to trust, and also often making mistakes; not only does he find Sokka and Katara (and I’d argue he’s actually slow to truly open up to them), this is the season where he helps save a fire nation citizen who betrays him to soldiers, befriends the rebel extremist Jet, and attempts to befriend an actively belligerent Zuko (his moral complexity had only JUST! been revealed to the kid!). He’s constantly offering trust to others and seeking their approval in opposition to the deep well of shame and guilt he carries as a survivor of violence. This is also the season where Aang swears off firebending after burning Katara in an overeager attempt to master the element (one will note how fire throughout the series is aligned with, above all else, assertiveness and yang). Aang is so eager to be seen as morally good to others that he refuses to risk any possible harm to them.  And asserting himself carries a danger, in one sense, that he might make a mistake and lose someone’s positive regard, and, in another sense, that he is replicating the anger and violence he’s witnessed. He has no relationship to his anger at this stage of his grief, so it comes out uncontrollably, both in firebending and the Avatar State. It’s through the patience of his new family that he can begin to feel unashamed about his past and about the ways his shame is finding (sometimes violent) expression in the present. Book 2: Earth In the second season he begins to trust himself and stand his ground. Earth, after all, is the element of substance, persistence, and endurance. The “Bitter Work” episode encapsulates how Aang must come to a more sturdy sense of his values. First, there is the transition of pedagogical style. While Katara emphasized support and kindness, Toph insists on blunt and threatening instruction, not for a lack of care towards Aang. Instead, it’s so Aang learns how to stop placing the desires of others above his own--to stop accommodating everyone else above his own needs. Toph taunts Aang by stealing one of the few keepsakes from the monastery that he holds onto. This attachment to the lost airbending culture is echoed in the larger arc with Appa. And, by the end of this episode, it is Aang’s attachment to Sokka that allows him to stand firm. This foreshadows the capital T Tragic downfall in the “Crossroads of Destiny.” Aang gives up his attachment to the other member of his new found family, Katara, despite his moral qualms. Although he has access to all the power of the Avatar state, his sacrifice is not rewarded. Season 2 illustrates Aang coming to terms with his values. He is learning about what he stands for, what holds meaning to him. Understanding himself also includes integrating his grief, and there’s a lonely and dangerous aspect to that exploration. We see Aang’s anger and hopelessness over longer stretches rather than outbursts in this season. It’s hard to watch and hard to root for him. That depressive state leads to actions that counter his previous sense of morality, as he decisively kills an animal, treats his friends unkindly, and blames others for his loss. Letting these harsher feelings emerge is an experiment, and most people discover their boundaries by crossing them. Finding ways to hold compassion for himself, even the harm he causes others, is the other side of this process. Our past and our challenging emotions are a part of us, but they are only a part. Since Aang now has a strong sense of community and is learning to be himself rather than simply seeking validation, we also see him having more healthy boundaries with new people. He’s no longer befriending villains in the second season! He’s respectful and trusting enough, but he’s not putting himself in vulnerable situations nor blindly trusting everyone. Instead, he’s more likely to listen to his friends’ opinions or think about how the monks might’ve been critical towards something (they’re complaints about Ba Sing Se, for example). By knowing what he cares for, he can know himself, the powerful, loving, grief-struck monk. And he can trust that, though he might not be everyone’s favorite person, he does not need to feel ashamed or guilty for who he is or what he’s been through. Book 3: Fire However, despite a sense of self and a sense of belonging, Aang and the group still find themselves constantly asking for permission throughout their time in Ba Sing Se. It’s in the third season, Fire, that initiative and assertiveness become the focus. And who better to provide guidance in this than the official prince of “you never think these things through,” Zuko. It’s no longer a time for avoidance or sturdy defensiveness. It is the season of action. Fire is the element of power, desire, and will, all of which require us to impact others.  We see the motif of initiative throughout the season: the rebels attempt to storm the Firelord on the Day of the Black Sun; Aang attempts to share his feelings and kiss Katara; Katara bends Hama and a couple of fire nation soldiers to her will. In each of these examples, the initiators face disgrace. Positive intent does not bring forth success, by any means, only more consequences to be dealt with. This is perhaps Aang’s biggest challenge. He is afraid that his actions will fail, or worse, they will succeed but he will be wrong in what he has chosen. The sequencing in the series, here, is important. We have already seen how Aang has worked to care for (and appreciate) the well-being of others and how he has learned to care for his own needs. With this in mind, he should be able to trust that his actions will derive from these wells of compassion. But easier said than done. Compassion can also trap him into indecision, hearkening back to his avoidant mistake in the storm, in which the whole mess began. Aang’s internal conflict, here, becomes more pronounced as the finale draws nearer. I think it’s especially significant that we witness Aang disagreeing with his mentors and friends. He must act in a way that will contradict and even threaten his sources of support if he is to trust his own desires. Even the fandom disagrees about the choice Aang makes, which further highlights the fact that making a decisive choice is contentious. There is no point in believing it will grant you love or admiration or success. For someone who began (and spent much of) the series regularly sacrificing himself just to bring others peace, Aang’s decision to prioritize his own interests despite the very explicit possibility of failure is the ultimate growth his character can have and the ultimate representation of him processing his trauma. (This arc was echoed and made even more explicit in many ways with Adora in the She-ra finale.) The last significant time Aang followed his desire, in his mind, was when he escaped the Air Temple in the storm. To want something, to trust his desire and act on it, is an act of incredible courage for him, and whether it succeeded or failed, whether anyone agrees or disagrees with it, it offered Aang a sense of peace and resolution. Now I appreciate and love Zuko’s iconic redemption arc, but Aang’s subtler arc, which subverts the “chosen one” narrative and broke ground to represent a prevalent emotional experience, stands out to me as the foundation for the show I love so much.

[archived-kin]

local cashless god nearly loses you your job (but you’re okay with it)

note from kin: *throws this at you* please take it i’ ve been stuck on the blasted thing for hours (peepaw i promise i’ll write you something where you’re better characterised another day)

fandom: genshin impact

character(s): gn!reader, zhongli, xingqiu

pairing(s): zhongli/reader

warning(s): none! (though i do want to give a heads up for some out of character stuff since i started this when i still wasn’t too familiar with the liyue characters)

genre: fluff

“How many copies of Encyclopaedia of Liyue does one man need?”

You shush Xingqiu as the man just across the shop continues to browse at his leisure, golden eyes furrowed in concentration as he trails his gloved fingers across the books’ spines. “Maybe he’s here to buy something else this time! You never know.”

“He’s bought the exact same book seven times in a row now,” Your little brother insists, pulling his nose out of his novel for once to regard the tall figure drifting listlessly from one end of the shop to the other. “I doubt he’s going to break the cycle now.”

“He could be a collector,” You suggest, dropping your voice slightly when the man’s eyes flicker over to you briefly. “This shop’s older than us - maybe it has a bunch of different editions that he wants to get.”

“Well, wouldn’t it make sense for him to find all the different editions and then buy them all at once?” Xingqiu whispers in reply, tapping restlessly at the countertop with one hand. “Then he wouldn’t have to stop by every day and charm you into paying for him.”

You don’t have a reasonable argument for that, so you don’t reply. Xingqiu really is too smart for his own good sometimes.

The man - who you can see is now flicking curiously through a copy of The Founder of Diabolism - isn’t someone you know particularly well, but he’s visited the bookshop where you work enough times that you do know the essential facts: his name is Zhongli, he likes drinking tea, and he’s broke. In every sense of the word.

That last point is quite the source of exasperation on your part. No matter how many times you remind him as he leaves, he never fails to turn up with a completely empty Mora pouch the next time you see him. At first it hadn’t been so much of a problem - he’d just come in, browse the books, start a little small talk with you, then leave. But then he’d actually started wanting to buy the books, and buying usually involves money - something that Zhongli seems to forget exists.

If it had been any other ridiculously handsome guy, you might have sent them packing, but there’s something about the lost look on Zhongli’s face when you ask him for his payment and he realises that he has no way of giving you one that never fails to make you get out your own Mora pouch and suggest that you foot the bill for him instead. Zhongli always tries to refuse your offer, but, in kind, you always insist. You have no idea why he has such an affinity for that particular book, but the way he smiles at you as you as you drop your own coins into the payment pouch is more than enough to make up for the money you lose. It’s not like you actually need the funds, anyway, considering who your father is.

Today, however, Zhongli has neglected the shelf of encyclopaedias in favour of drifting over to the Xianxia section. You’re not sure what’s spurred this change in interest, but maybe it’s the little toy dragon you’ve set on top of the shelf? Zhongli seems rather enamoured by it - he keeps glancing up at it while he reads.

Speaking of the book that he’s skimmming through, it’s a rather odd choice on his behalf. You haven’t gotten the opportunity to read it yourself, busy as you usually are between your work shifts, adventurer’s guild commissions, and making sure your little brother doesn’t get himself into trouble by wandering directly into a gang of hilichurls in the middle of reading a book again. You’re pretty sure Xingqiu has read it at some point, though - to be honest, you wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already read every book in this shop several times over. (Part of you wonders if the only reason he’s so supportive of you venturing into the world and taking this job is because he gets to sit with you and read all the books he likes during your shifts.)

You don’t remember all the details he’d spewed off to you over the week or so he spent reading it, but you vaguely remember him crying into your sleeve about something to do with trees and lanterns and hugs. You’re also pretty sure that it got kind of… what’s the word? Risqué? Adult? Well, whatever word you use to describe it, it doesn’t really seem like the sort of thing that someone like Zhongli would read. Then again, you wouldn’t have ever expected your innocent gentleman of a little brother to read something like that, either.

“At least he seems to have good taste in fiction,” Xingqiu sighs as Zhongli continues to skim over the first few pages, looking rather intrigued. “I suppose that’s about as much as I can ask for…”

“He seems pretty invested,” You observe. “Reckon he’s going to buy it?”

Xingqiu shakes his head. “No. He’s going to come up here and realise he’s forgotten all his Mora again, and then you’re going to end up buying it for him again because you have a giant crush—”

You shove him in the shoulder so hard that he falls off his stool. “Oh, shut up.”

Xingqiu quickly catches himself on the side of the table and shoots you a glare, fumbling to retrieve the book that he’s accidentally dropped in the process. “Hey! This book doesn’t belong to us, you know.”

“It’s one book, A-Qiu,” You sigh as he turns away from you, clutching the book to his chest like it’s some precious child that you’re threatening to kidnap. “Mr Yao isn’t going to condemn you if it gets a little dusty.”

“Books should be treated with respect,” Xingqiu sniffs, turning up his nose at you like some nobleman - which he technically could be considered, now that you think about it. “You of all people should know that.”

“Just because I work at a bookshop doesn’t mean I think they’re Morax’s gift to man like you do,” You snort, noting in the corner of your eye that Zhongli’s eyes had flickered over to you briefly as you spoke. “Sure, books are neat, but they’re not holy.”

“‘Books are neat?’” Xingqiu repeats disbelievingly. “Of all the words to—”

“Excuse me.”

Both you and Xingqiu jump in startled surprise - neither of you had noticed Zhongli approach the front desk. You gather yourself quickly and smile at him as he quietly sets the book on top of the counter and pushes it towards you with a small nod.

“Will that be all?” You ask, reaching for one of the complimentary bamboo bookmarks that you’re obligated to give out with every purchase. You’re pretty sure that Zhongli has more than enough at this point, but you don’t want to risk getting into hot water with Mr Yao for not doing it.

Zhongli takes the bamboo bookmark with a small smile. “Yes, thank you.”

You nod and flick the book open to check the price label on the inside of the cover. “Alright, that’ll be… 5000 Mora, please.”

Xingqiu mutters something resignedly under his breath as Zhongli reaches into his pocket and fumbles about for a moment, clearly not particularly hopeful that the man has actually brought his money with him today. Your little brother, as usual, is perfectly correct in his intuition; after a second of slightly embarrassed silence, Zhongli pulls his hand out of his pocket with nothing in it.

“My apologies,” He sighs, bowing his head in shame. “I’ve forgotten my money pouch again.”

“I knew it,” Xingqiu whispers.

“A-Qiu, shut up,” You hiss back, then turn back to Zhongli, your smile back in place. “No worries, I’ll buy it for you.”

His brows pinch together slightly in the smallest of frowns. “No, no, you shouldn’t. You’ve already spent so much money on me…”

“It’s no big deal!” You assure him brightly, already reaching into your lapels to find your coin pouch. “You seemed to be really into it earlier, so it’d be a shame if you couldn’t keep it, right?”

Zhongli’s frown deepens. “Even so...”

“You could always pay back with something else,” Xingqiu chimes in, the exasperated look on his face replaced with a shit-eating grin that you know all too well. Before you can step in and shove him into the cabinet or something to shut him up, though, he continues, turning to you in a parody of innocence, “What do you say? Mr Zhongli clearly has some time on his hands…”

You narrow your eyes at him, not liking what he’s implying with that grin. “I’m still on shift, A-Qiu, I can’t just up and leave. Mr Yao would probably kill me.”

“You’ve been working shifts for two weeks straight,” He counters, crossing his arms stubbornly. “I can mind the shop for a long enough for you to take a walk. He won’t notice a thing.”

“You won’t ‘mind the shop’, you’ll just sit there and read,” You shake your head and tussle his hair with a flippant hand. “Don’t think I haven’t seen you eyeing up those antiques at the back.”

He looks affronted. “Are you accusing me of stealing intent?”

“I’m not accusing you of anything,” You explain patiently. “I’m just saying that your moral compass is very easily diverted when it comes to books.”

“If I may,” Zhongli begins, cutting off Xingqiu’s indignant spluttering. “I do not mind the idea.”

You turn to look at him in shock, only to see that his golden eyes are already fixed intently on you. He has the sort of gaze that makes you feel as if he’s seeing right through you, as if all of your faults and flaws and wishes and dreams are laid out bare for him to examine at his leisure - but Zhongli doesn’t look at you with any judgement. In fact, if you hope hard enough, you think that there might be some affection in his eyes.

“W-well, I—” You glance quickly back at Xingqiu, who pointedly refuses to help you, evidently offended by the moral compass comment. “I- I’d love to, honestly, but I need to finish my shift…”

“This young gentleman has already volunteered to take care of that for you,” Zhongli counters. There’s a strange intensity to the way he’s looking at you now - hope? Determination? “I know of a quiet spot just outside the harbour. If you would…?”

You glance at Xingqiu, who, despite still looking a little miffed, gives you a begrudging nod. After another moment of thought, you turn back to Zhongli, who gazes expectantly back at you.

“I’d love to go for a walk,” You say, standing up. “Lead the way.”

He smiles then, holding the door-curtain open for you to exit first. You pause briefly to wave a goodbye to Xingqiu, who pointedly sticks his nose in his book and pretends not to see it.

The two of you walk in silence for ten minutes or so, with him in the lead and you occasionally glancing behind you to make sure Xingqiu hasn’t already set the bookshop on fire or something. Zhongli walks rather more quickly than you’re used to, mostly because you usually walk with Xingqiu, who has refused to grow more than half an inch in the last three years and still has legs substantially shorter than yours. Zhongli seems to notice you lagging behind a little after a minute or so, slowing down his pace slightly so that the two of you can walk side by side properly.

“The breeze is pleasant this time of year,” Zhongli comments as the two of you cross the bridge to the mainland and begin to leave the harbour. “Particularly as the sun is going down.”

“I’ll have to get out to see the sunset more often, then,” You sigh. The amount of people milling about around you thins out the further the two of you walk from the harbour and along a grass-lined path, until the two of you are alone.

“I’d be happy to escort you,” He says, glancing quickly back at you, then snapping his head forward again. “...that is, if you’d like me to.”

You’re glad he isn’t looking at you, because you’re pretty sure that the look on your face is smitten to an absolutely ridiculous degree. It takes everything in you not to reach forward and grab Zhongli’s hand right then and there, but you restrain yourself just in time, knowing full well that initiating sudden physical contact with someone that you still don’t know all too well is incredibly rude.

“Of course I would,” You answer. “Just name a time and a place.”

He looks at you again, a gentle smile curving at his lips. “I’ll be sure to.”

The walk takes the two of you through a grove of trees dappled by the rich afternoon light. Zhongli speaks at length about the various different species that you pass; part of you is listening attentively, but the other part of you is far too distracted by the elegance of his quiet footsteps and the way the sunlight glows softly at the edges of his hair to register the information.

Leaves and branches crunch underfoot as Zhongli finally leads you out of the trees and out onto a quiet spot on the mountainside overlooking the harbour. He sits down on the ledge, legs dangling precariously over the edge, and you follow suit, quietly settling down beside him, leaving about two inches’ space between the two of you. Zhongli doesn’t say anything for a minute or so; he’s absorbed in watching the city below him, golden eyes darting back and forth as he watches the tiny figures of the people bustle about the streets.

You notice that he’s still holding the book you bought him earlier, keeping it set carefully in his lap with both hands placed firmly on top of it, as if he thinks it might slip out of his grasp and off the mountain if he isn’t careful.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” You begin, catching his attention. He turns to look at you, and the sudden sight of his content expression, framed by the sprawling fields and trees in the distance behind him and the light casting his features into sharp relief, knocks all the air from your lungs for a moment. You very nearly choke on your words, but manage to gather yourself in time to ask, “Why the sudden change in interest?”

He cocks his head ever so lightly to the side in confusion, then realises what you’re referring. “Ah - the book? I just wanted a change of pace, really.”

You nod in understanding. “I see. A-Qiu’s read that one. He says it’s one of his favourites.”

“Is A-Qiu the young gentleman accompanying you in the bookshop?”

“Yup.” You sigh, leaning back and kicking your legs slightly, noticing with some fascination that you can faintly see yourself reflected on the water far beneath you. “Xingqiu. He’s my little brother.”

If you squint hard enough, you can see Zhongli’s reflection in the water as well. He’s shifting slightly - is he moving closer to you? You can’t quite tell from the reflection alone, and you’re not about to risk looking at him. Zhongli is a little like the sun in that respect: warming you indirectly with his presence, but damn near blinding (and incredibly flustering) to look directly at or make eye contact with. He’s almost ethereal-looking - as if he isn’t quite of this world.

“He seems a well-intentioned boy,” Zhongli comments quietly.

You respond with a light-hearted scoff. “I’m not too sure about that. He’s good at hiding it behind a book and all those airs and graces, but he’s always annoying me.”

“Is that not what younger siblings are for?” He counters, eyes twinkling slightly as you laugh in reply.

“I guess they are, huh?” You shake your head, a grin continuing to play on your lips as you finally turn to look back at him. Somehow the blinding beauty of before feels as if it’s mellowed out, become softer around the edges - like a surging river calming to a trickling stream.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a while. The late afternoon breeze picks up a little, and Zhongli’s hair dances about on the air, twisting and curling in swirls as if the very wind is playing with it. You’re so occupied by (subtly) staring at him that the small movement of him lifting a hand to adjust his tie makes you jolt slightly on the spot.

You can tell that he’s noticed as well, so you hurry to start a conversation before he can bring it up. “So… what’s the fascination with Yi Xichen?”

“...ah.” You might be imagining it, but you think you can see a faint flush forming over his cheeks. “The encyclopaedias?”

“What else?” You swing your legs back and forth restlessly, leaning forward and resting your cheek in your hand. “You must have at least fifteen copies by now. Are you collecting them or something?”

“Well, no...” He glances away from you, intertwining his fingers. “I suppose I’m not particularly good at ‘acting natural’, am I?”

You cock your head to the side. “What do you mean?”

Zhongli fiddles slightly with the seam of his glove, looking uncharacteristically bashful. “I have no need for encyclopaedias, but after the first few days, I found that I had fallen into the routine of selecting one every time I visited.”

“Why did you visit, then?” You ask.

He glances quickly at you, then back down at the water. He doesn’t answer at first, as if mulling over what to say, until finally, he replies, “...I suppose I just wanted to see you.”

It takes you a good moment to fully process what he’s just said to you. Once you do, though, your entire body implode. Well, it feels it does, anyway.

“I— you— me— huh?” is all you manage to get out at first, hands dancing around in front of you like two birds trying to escape from a net, as if they’re trying to physically pluck some words to say from the air. It’s a bad habit you’ve always had, throwing your hands about when you’re stressed; it drives you mad sometimes, but you can’t stop yourself.

Zhongli closes his eyes and bows his head, and there’s no mistaking it - his cheeks are definitely pinker than usual. “Is that alright?”

You nearly choke on air, but you force yourself to take a deep breath instead, fanning yourself briefly with one hand. Getting flustered heats you up surprisingly quickly. “Y-yeah! Of course it’s okay.”

“I’m glad.” He smiles a little bashfully, leaning forward and tilting his head slightly to look at you. “I don’t want to overwhelm you, but, if it’s alright… could I see you more often after today as well?

The sheer adrenaline rushing through you is so intense that you’re surprised that you haven’t busted a blood vessel yet. Actually, as far as you know, you might as well have - you’re far too focused on the man in front of you and his… confession? Is this a confession? You’ve read romance novels, sure, but is that how it works in real life as well? What are you supposed to do?

Your head is so filled with pure chaos that you just know that, if you speak, you’re going to say something completely inane and stupid. So, instead, you reach forward, and take his hand in your slightly shaky one.

He looks down at your intertwined fingers with mild surprise for a moment, then raises his gaze to you once more, eyes lighting up slightly. “...I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

You nod quietly, hesitantly shuffling closer to him. He squeezes your hand almost experimentally, then glances quickly back up at you as if trying to gauge your reaction. You offer him a smile; he returns it wholeheartedly.

You’re sure that you’ll have missed the rest of your shift by now, but you can’t seem to bring yourself to care. Zhongli doesn’t let go of your hand, and you in turn do not move away from him - if anything, you move closer, leaning slightly into his side. He doesn’t seem to notice, and if he does, he doesn’t object.

The sun is slowly beginning its descent, staining the sky a pale orange that reflects from the waters below you. It seems that the two of you will be seeing that sunset together a lot sooner than you had anticipated.

[perthshirecottage]

I keep thinking about how differently T’challa and Peter grew up despite both being taken in by the Ravagers and the people they became. A lot of people are using this as an excuse to point out that this shows that Peter is a horrible person because look, all they did is change it to T’challa and suddenly all these people had wonderful lives! Yondu was a better father and Thanos learned the error of his ways and was also a better father! T’challa was space Robin Hood and helped people! The thing is that it’s not just one factor, one moment that literally changed the how everything changed. Yes, one moment was a springboard to change, but there were so many factors, so many little moments after that really and truly changed the course of history. It’s not a matter of who is the better person but it comes down to how each kid was brought into the Ravagers. It also makes a difference how they were raised before they were even abducted. And how they were raised after. All of these factors effect how the story unfolds. But the biggest factor is Yondu himself and how he, as the adult, chose to treat each of these kids. Some of this is speculation but it’s all based on evidence from the source material. I’m going to go through how each kid was raised so we can get to the bottom of how things turned out so differently.

Let’s start with T’challa.

T’challa was a kid who grew up with everything. He was a prince and therefore lacked for nothing. He was safe and had never had anything personally bad happen to him. He grew up in a palace with both of his parents and has not experienced loss. It’s good that he has never had to deal with these things but it means that he has felt more safe and comfortable in the world than Peter and T’challa has the confidence that kids brought up with all those comforts and safeties has.

T’challa is also specifically a prince. This means that T’challa is growing up with the absolute best tutors that money can buy. He has Wakandan tutors who are teaching about technology that is more advanced than other places in the world. He is taught about peaceful negotiating skills. T’challa grew up on diplomacy and learning what it meant to one day have to take responsibility for an entire country. And being a prince, the crown prince, it means that in the hierarchy of things the only people with more power than him are his parents. His parents have taught him to be humble and that he doesn’t have the right to lord that power over others That he is meant to serve his people and to take care of and love them. So he is kind and not a spoiled brat but it doesn’t change the fact that that kind of environment means that people treat T’challa with a certain amount of respect that is due to one in his position. T’challa expects people to listen to him. He expects people to respect him and to not push him to the side because this is how he was raised. Up until this point T’challa has not known loss and this will affect his initial encounter with the Ravagers.

And then comes the abduction. T’challa has just had an argument with his father. T’challa wants to go out and explore, to see the world. And suddenly T’challa is on space craft with real live aliens! This is so cool! He isn’t scared of all these strange looking aliens. In fact he thinks the whole thing is awesome. They haven’t hurt him or shown themselves to be a threat so he hasn’t had a reason to be scared. T’challa is looking around in wonder and awe and not the slightest bit intimidated. Yondu is upset that they got the wrong kid but he also sees a kid who was just abducted who isn’t scared, who is eloquent and talking about adventure. He is impressed by this kid and his fearlessness. So Yondu figures, hey, might as well give this kid a fun little adventure before I take him home, you know, to make up for this little mistake. And T’challa may be eloquent and have learned how talk to unreasonable people (I think it’s a natural skill T’challa has, but he was also taught to talk to people and that skill was nurtured in him) but he is still a kid who wants to go have some fun and not be burdened by his duties and responsibilities for awhile. So of course T’challa isn’t thinking about how his parents will be feeling when they wake up and see him gone. All T’challa wants is a good time and is thinking like the child he is. He will be home soon enough anyway.

And if Yondu gets attached and decides that he doesn’t want to return T’challa well, a little white lie might hurt for a bit but Yondu has always been a little selfish. And to make up for the lie, Yondu will treat T’challa really well, as if the boy were his own son. Yondu is caring and comforting when he tells T’challa that his whole family is dead and while it makes him uncomfortable to openly show his own caring side, it also eases Yondu’s guilt considerably as he hugs a sobbing T’challa. And to top it off he just found out what Ego was doing, and, well there’s no point in uprooting Peter Quill from his life cause Yondu isn’t working for that stupid planet anymore. He has T’challa and he doesn’t want any other kid. So T’challa is given a place of honor among the Ravagers as Yondu’s son. T’challa is listened to and given respect. T’challa is kind and calm and respectful and he keeps worming his way into Yondu’s heart. T’challa is well behaved and Yondu doesn’t even have to resort to threats to keep him in line. And T’challa trusts Yondu and talks to his father figure and works out any problems they have. They form a bond built from love, trust and respect. And Yondu protects T’challa from the rough crew. No one dares to offer up a harsh word towards T’challa because they all remember Yondu’s wrath the last time someone tried. T’challa was taught to fight on earth and Yondu is still impressed by how much T’challa knows and man that kid sure knows how to throw a punch. Yondu has so much respect early on and he has guilt about lying about T’challa’s family and all these factors affect their relationship as T’challa grows.

T’challa is raised by thieves so of course he becomes one himself. He was still young when he was taken (and it never feels like he was abducted. He was brought on an adventure and then offered a home when he lost his. The Ravagers are his family and the ship his home and there is nothing for him on earth but painful memories) so T’challa learns from the people who are raising him but he never loses the morals that were instilled in him from birth. So when T’challa gets a little older he starts to speak of the right thing to do and Yondu is touched by the words in a way he wouldn’t if he didn’t have to make up for so much red in his ledger. Which makes Yondu not want to listen. Yondu tries to ignore those thoughts of what he has done and he wants to continue going around stealing and living his life for himself and his crew as he has always done. He doesn’t want to change that much, not even for T’challa. But T’challa will not let up about the noble things they could be doing. And Yondu knows that it was a mistake to start out letting T’challa know he thought of him as a son so early in their relationship because when Yondu threatens to let the crew eat T’challa if he keeps going on about this nobility, T’challa simply laughs in his face. As if after all these years T’challa would actually believe that threat. As T’challa keeps talking about how they should be helping people, it upsets some of the crew. They don’t want T’challa and his morals in their ship and they don’t care if T’challa is Yondu’s son, the boy is trying to mutiny against their captain and they won’t stand for it! Yondu doesn’t take it well when Taser Face tries to throw T’challa out of an airlock. Yondu feels obligated to truly listen to T’challa after the whole fiasco. In the end Yondu tries to resist, but T’challa doesn’t let up and those words strike a nerve and Yondu dedicates his life to making up for those kids who were killed. He never does tell T’challa why his crew accidentally kidnapped him. Yondu knows he couldn’t bear to see the disappointment on T’challa’s face. Yondu is determined to be the best father he can be and he’s so glad he didn’t wait until it was too late.

And because T’challa and Yondu are on a crusade to help people, they specifically search out Thanos to have a talk about how crazy the man is starting to become. And it’s well over a decade before The Infinity War so Thanos isn’t quite as crazy as he will become and can still be reasoned with because someone got to him so early. (I still think this is a stretch cause the man was insane and you can’t reason with insane people but this is the only explanation I can come up with for why T’challa stopped Thanos with one conversation).

T’challa becomes such a big part of the Ravagers. He in fact becomes their leader in a way. Yondu is still the captain but the crew looks to T’challa as their moral compass. He helps to plan the heists. He figures out who is corrupt and that’s who they steal from. He figures out who needs money and he gives it them. When people ask for a name he remembers his noble birth and how he now lives among the heavens. And while he is not a king, or a prince, he is nobility and he answers Starlord. And so people spread tales of their savior and soon everyone in the galaxy has heard of Starlord.

And so T’challa grows up surrounded by love and support. He knows how to talk so people listen and this changes his dynamic with so many people and the galaxy’s destiny is changed.

Now to Peter. Peter is a kid from Missouri who lives in a small house and goes to public school and has absolutely nothing about him that makes him special. His mom works hard to provide for him but it’s just her because no one knows where Peter’s dad is. They don’t have much money but Meredith loves her son and he loves her. It doesn’t take the sting out when Peter sees other kids with their dads but Peter is grateful to have someone who cares. And then the person that Peter loves most, the person that his whole world revolves around is dying. Slowly and painfully. He has to watch her suffer for months, maybe years. Peter has to see his mom go from happy and healthy to withering away in a hospital bed. To see her mentally deteriorating and be completely helpless to stop it. Peter is suffering but he is still going to stick up for those who can’t fight back, like the poor frog those mean boys squished with a stick. His mom taught him to be kind and a good person, he just doesn’t know how to get people to listen to him. Peter has never been taught diplomacy and no one is going to listen to some skinny little kid who is vulnerable and a prime target for bullies.

And then Peter has to watch his mom die. Peter didn’t want to take his mom’s hand because he is scared and irrationally thought that if he didn’t take her hand, if he didn’t give her that permission to die, then she wouldn’t. He regretted it the moment her heart stopped and he would regret it until years later when he found a new family that helped him learn how to heal. Then Peter is shoved out of the room and everyone forgets about him and the grief and the fear and the guilt, it’s just too much and so Peter runs. He runs until he can’t and he falls to the ground sobbing.

And then comes the abduction. One moment Peter was on the ground and then suddenly he is on a spaceship, hurtling away from his home and his mom. Peter only needed to get away from that hospital room! He didn’t mean to truly leave! Everything feels too big and it’s completely overwhelming! And he is surrounded by large monsters who are scary looking and one of them is talking to him and he has blue skin and sharp teeth and everything is too much, too much and Peter screams! He screams and he sobs and he scrambles away from these terrifying creatures and he just wants his mom! He wants to go home! Where is his grandpa?! What is going on?! And then the creature threatens to let his crew eat him if he doesn’t stop making such a racket and Peter’s gaze catches those sharp teeth, gleaming, ready to tear a little boy’s flesh from his bones and he stops screaming, completely paralyzed by fear.

Yondu looks at this sniveling, snotty creature before him and he feels his ire rise. Stupid kid has only been on his ship a few minutes and he is already on Yondu’s nerves. So Yondu barks at the kid to shut up or the crew will eat him. The kid doesn’t stop crying but the screaming does stop so that’s a win in Yondu’s book. And there is a twinge of satisfaction when the men laugh at the whole scene. As if any of them would actually eat a child but it got the reaction Yondu wanted. The sooner this job is over the better. And then Yondu finds out that Ego has been killing his own children and while Yondu isn’t particularly fond of Quill, he is still a child and Yondu won’t be a part of killing another kid. There’s enough red in his ledger as it is. Anyway, Quill is small, he can fit in places adults can’t, is good for thieving. Yondu will make more money keeping the kid in the long run.

Peter is taught how to steal, how to fly, how to shoot. Peter is a rambunctious child who has a plethora of issues and loss and has to navigate the waters of grief by himself. No one holds him as he cries for the loss of his mother, his grandpa, his planet. There are no hugs or words of comfort. Just glares and sneers for a weak kid who is terrified of all the scary aliens he is now stuck with. Yondu has offered a few pats on the shoulder when Peter is feeling especially low, and sometimes Yondu will sit in companionable silence when no one else is around. Yondu keeps the crew from eating him (and Peter never grows out of this fear, not really) but Yondu doesn’t do a thing about the harsh looks and the harsher words. And whenever a Ravager takes a swing at Peter, Yondu allows it since it will toughen him up. And Peter’s whole world has crashed down around his ears and he has no support and whenever he plucks up the courage, Peter does what he can to cause some chaos for these aliens that have taken him from his home. While there is a part of Peter that doesn’t want to return to a home that no longer has his mom, Peter can’t forget that the Ravagers forced him into this life, and he is their prisoner. When he is old enough to escape Peter has been gone for so long that he doesn’t see any point in going back. All that’s left for him on earth are painful memories. So Peter learns to get good at stealing so that he can earn his keep and not end up as dinner. He learns how to protect his belongings so no one takes it. He learns how to be wily and to use his wits to fight and escape from those who are bigger and stronger than he is. He learns to look out for himself first and foremost, because no one else is going to. Peter sticks with the Ravagers because he has no where else to go. No one recognizes him besides a Nova Corp officer. No one knows his name because Peter has been lost in the shuffle as another Ravager. One day the Ravagers are hired for a huge score and Peter decides that this is the one that’s big enough that he can finally strike out on his own. People will know his name and his mom’s legacy of her Starlord will live on. And if Peter’s betraying the Ravagers, oh well, it’s not like they have ever given him a reason to be loyal to them anyway. And this does turn out to be the big score Peter was looking for, but it didn’t come in the form of money. Peter found the family he had been so desperately longing for since his mom died.

Yondu teaches the kid the basics. How to steal, and shoot, and fly. Yondu also teaches the kid how to fight because it’s rough out there and he needs to be able to defend himself. The kid has no idea how to throw a punch or block one, so Yondu lets the crew take some swings at the kid because man, if that kid doesn’t learn to fight then he’s as good as dead. And Yondu reminds the kid that he is protecting him from a crew that wants to eat him. At first it’s a way to keep Quill in line when the kid does something stupid (Peter does a lot of stupid stuff and why can’t the kid just behave?) but it eventually stops being a threat and becomes an inside joke between the two of them. As Peter gets faster and stronger and more skilled and less weepy and fearful, Yondu starts taking a liking to him. He doesn’t really let on because why should Yondu make himself uncomfortable by talking about feelings, he doesn’t owe Peter anything since Yondu already saved the kid’s life by not giving him to Ego. If anything, Peter is indebted to him whether he knows it or not. Yondu knows, deep down that he isn’t talking care of Quill the way the kid deserves but Yondu can’t just give the kid up (Yondu’s always been a little selfish). And nothing forces Yondu to confront his own feelings and own up to his mistakes until they’re about to blow up a planet and Peter’s about to die and this is Yondu’s last chance to make up for the way he treated Peter and what he did to those other poor kids that Ego killed. So Yondu finally steps up and becomes the father he should have been all along. He just wishes he hadn’t waited until it was too late.

In conclusion, the changes that were made were not simply from it being T’challa instead of Peter. It was so many factors. It was the initial introduction to the Ravagers, where T’challa wanted an adventure and got one. He wanted to go with the Ravagers and so it was fun and it was kind of his friends to let him stay after his family died. For Peter he had just watched his mom died and was emotionally vulnerable and the entire abduction actually felt like an abduction. It was traumatizing and nothing about it was fun. Yondu actively chose T’challa because the boy actually had a home to go back to. Yondu got stuck with Peter so the boy wouldn’t be murdered. Yondu had guilt about lying to T’challa and something to cause him to repent and treat T’challa better. Yondu could keep himself emotionally distant since he could reassure himself that he saved Peter’s life and didn’t owe the kid anything. T’challa was never given a reason to fear the Ravagers and so felt he could speak freely about his beliefs and change Yondu’s and the other’s minds. Peter spent his whole life worrying that he would mess up too big and be eaten so he tried no to bring too much ire on himself. T’challa was calm and had an extensive education and impressed Yondu from their first meeting. T’challa was respected and so therefore respected those who were raising him. Peter was brought in during the worst day of his life and already emotionally charged and a grieving kid was not something the Ravagers wanted to deal with. And Peter wasn’t equipped in anyway for the Ravager lifestyle and had to sink or float and I doubt anyone was that understanding when he floundered. Peter was a terrified and confused kid who sometimes acted up with his abductors.

Peter and T’challa were raised by the same person but they were also raised in completely different environments. It’s not fair to place of the weight of how either child turned out on their shoulders. They were children who had to deal with the world they were literally abducted into. And you can see that Yondu specifically treated T’challa differently than he ever did Peter. And it’s not fair to say it’s because T’challa was simply a better person because Yondu was the adult in the situation. They were children and they had no say in how they were raised. Yondu was the one who decided to keep them both. He was also the one who decided treat T’challa better. In gotg vol 2, Yondu was correct when he said he ‘didn’t do any of it right’. Yondu may have come to love Peter, but at the end of the day, Yondu was abusive towards Peter. Yondu wasn’t given an incentive to change his ways until the very end when he had to choose between Peter’s life and his own. It doesn’t mean that Yondu and Peter didn’t love each other in their own way. Yondu still raised Peter and took care of him, but it is canon that Yondu beat Peter and spent Peter’s whole life hanging the threat of being eaten over his head. Yondu wasn’t obvious in the ways he looked out for Peter. Yondu kept the Ravagers from killing him on several occasions, but Yondu never let Peter know he was protecting him until the last possible minute. In What If…there is not a single implication that Yondu ever threatened T’challa’s life or beat him or any of the other crap that happened to Peter. And gotg happened 26 years after Peter was abducted while the events of What If happened only 20 years later. So in far less time T’challa was able to accomplish more because he was better adjusted not because he was a better person. The whole conversation about Peter getting into a fight with some boys because he was protecting a frog shows his kindness and how he wants to defend those who can’t defend themselves. But Peter was raised in a place where he had to take care of himself because even in his 30s he was being threatened by Yondu (remember after Yondu pulled Peter and Gamora out of space and beat Peter up and pointed his arrow at Peter’s neck? Yeah that’s a pretty big threat and Peter isn’t surprised by it. Like this kind of treatment is normal). No one was looking out for Peter so he had to learn to survive his abuse and look after himself because he couldn’t count on anyone else until he met the rest of the Guardians. And T’challa was treated with worry and care. He was given support and understanding. T’challa has had a family since the moment that Ravager ship picked him up. The differences between these two stories has nothing to do with who was abducted, but with the how and why.

[thevindicativevordan]

On Maxima

Every time DC wants to put Supes in a relationship with someone other than Lois, I always wonder why they don't just go with Maxima.

Especially since she's basically what they turn Diana into every time they try to hook the two of them up. Why not just go with the actual Superman Rogue/supporting character who is also a warrior-queen? Who is already almost as violent as she is horny, forcing Clark to try to get her to chill out, even as he's tempted to join her? If it isn't already clear, I like Maxima. Her character archetype, the supervillainess who tempts the hero with sex appeal, is one that's pretty damn popular for obvious reasons. Also for obvious reasons, this kind of character can provoke a backlash nowadays.

Personally I think she can still work just fine, she just needs some revamp. The basics of her character and backstory are still solid and offer storytelling potential. She's the Queen of the alien Empire of Almerac. Maxima is drawn to Superman because of his power. The real big fix is changing why she's attracted to his power, and why she came to Earth in the first place, shifting it away from eugenics to something else.

What I'd Do With Maxima

So I'm going to take some cues from the DCAU incarnation of Maxima in that the reason she seeks Superman out is because she's been deposed.

DCAU Maxima got deposed after she met Superman, but she lost her throne because her people judged her too self-absorbed and immature to lead them. Which she totally was, and changing that formed the crux of her character development over the course of the episode. I'd take a similar route with reworking comics Maxima's backstory.

Maxima has just taken the throne when the Interstellar Empire of Almerac comes under the assault of Mongul of Warworld. Crushing Almerac's defenses, Mongul gives the world an ultimatum: Turn over a selection of their greatest fighters to fight for Almerac's continued right to exist in Mongul's gladiator arenas or he'll reduce the entire planet to ashes. He also demands a sizeable portion of the population be turned over as slaves tasked with keeping Warworld running, and he wants Maxima to be among those slaves as a symbol of Mongul's authority over Almerac. Maxima angrily refuses, but her people don't trust in her leadership on account of her youth and immaturity, and Maxima is overthrown. She's handed over for transport to Warworld, but while en route she breaks free and seizes control of the transport. Alone and without allies, Maxima sets a course for Earth to seek out the one person she's heard is a match for the Lord of Warworld: Superman.

Only interested at first in his power, and planning to use and dispose of him afterwards, Maxima at first presents herself to Clark as a potential mate. Her hope is that will entice him to support her on what could be a suicide mission, and that offering power and wealth via marriage will cement his loyalty. Being betrayed by her subjects still stings her though she takes great pains to pretend otherwise. Superman turns down the marriage offer, but agrees to follow her to take down Mongul and free Almerac. The two travel back to Almerac which is in the midst of choosing who will fight on Warworld. Clark pretends to be a native of Almerac and is chosen as one of the champions. Initially planning to stay on Almerac and purge those who betrayed her while Clark fights on Warworld, Maxima chooses to give herself up to Mongul, after he announces that he will be vaporizing an entire continent as punishment for the Almeracans failure to turn her over to him. Amused at her compassion for those who betrayed her, Mongul adds Maxima to the roster of gladiators, and she departs with Clark to the arenas.

Over the course of a series of battles, Maxima and Clark butt heads, watch each other's backs, and gradually fall in love with each other. Maxima admires Clark's resolve, restraint, and maturity, traits she's forced to admit she lacked. She's skeptical of his idealism however, seeing it as a flaw that undermines his effectiveness, particularly when it comes to killing. Clark admires Maxima's passion, bravery, and refusal to settle for anything less than the best in anyone including herself. All traits that make him ponder if perhaps she does have it in her to be a good leader. He dislikes her arrogance and entitlement however, particularly when it comes to her royal right to rule. A frequent source of fights between the two is whether the common person should have any voice in government with Maxima scoffing at that and point at how the mob gave in to Mongul, with Clark countering that Almeracans had long felt unheard and cut off from their rulers. Obviously that they're both super hot doesn't hurt as part of why they end up sleeping together.

Ultimately through a series of events Superman and Maxima succeed in freeing Almerac and driving Mongul away. Then everything promptly goes to hell. Having fallen for Clark for real over the course of their adventure, Maxima repeats her offer to him of marriage, except genuinely this time.

The two have had sex a couple times already, and Clark is genuinely tempted at the prospect of sticking with Maxima. He's grown to enjoy her company (having sex tends to do that), he enjoys the freedom to be himself without having to hide his powers, the Almeracans embrace him as their champion, and as Maxima's consort he could take an active hand in shaping society. At the point in Clark's career where I'd want to do this story, he's growing out of his youthful rage, but he's still not at peace with his lot in life. Earth's inability to meaningfully change at the pace he wants frustrates him, and leaving behind the restrictions of life there does entice him. My point is that I think the appeal of Maxima to Superman should and can be more than just breeding little Clarks as has been the case in the past.

However Clark ultimately rejects the offer. He can't bring himself to cut ties with Earth, Maxima's unwillingness to cede some of her power to her people isn't something Clark can accept, and Clark is also concerned that taking up her offer would compromise his ability to be a hero. As you would expect, Maxima is pissed at his refusal, treating it as another stab in the back. Due to his help in freeing her people and reclaiming her throne, she spares his life but exiles him from Almerac, declaring him persona non grata throughout the Empire.

Unbeknownst to Clark, who leaves after it's made clear the Almeracans don't want a civil war, Maxima is pregnant with his child. The child allows her to avoid entering into a political marriage, maintaining her independence since she now has a heir. This daughter will be groomed in hidden to take over the Empire, which Maxima now has plans to expand. The humiliation Mongul visited upon Almerac has had a big impact on her mindset. Now she's focused on eliminating any potential threats to her people, and she wants to transform Almerac into the greatest Interstellar Empire in the Milky Way. Then it will never be at the mercy of a foreign power ever again.

For stories, Superman and Maxima are clearly going to clash given she's become an imperialist herself, no better than Mongul. You can tell stories about Clark foiling Maxima's attempts to conquer other worlds, or Earth itself. Maxima would occasionally dispatch assassins or go personally to attack Clark, for the purpose of preventing him from getting "soft". The public reason for this is that he's become a roadblock to her aims, and needs to be eliminated. Secretly, her goal is to constantly push him to be stronger because she wants him to meet his daughter one day. Not for any sentimental reasons mind you, Maxima wants Superman to teach their daughter to be his equal in ability and resourcefulness. After learning everything she can from Clark, said daughter will be charged with leading the invasion of Earth. Conquering Earth, and defeating Superman, will be the girl's rite of passage into cementing herself as Maxima's heir. The world of her father, Superman, is destined to be her own Throneworld as Almerac's is Maxima's.

Think you could have a lot of fun in giving Clark a "Damian" of his own to deal with. Personally I'd have it so that the "daughter" would be akin to the New 52 Maxima who I thought had some potential. You could have Maxima and Maxima Jr. argue about the morality of Almerac's expansion, with MJ ultimately taking her father's side which causes enormous problems for her mother since she can't disown her daughter without a replacement heir. I think that could be a fun family dynamic to explore.

Wondering where Maxima will show up next. Part of me was hoping Almerac was that part of underdeveloped Superman lore PKJ talked about fleshing out, but that seems to be either Warworld or the Phantom Zone. I still think Maxima and Almerac have a lot of potential to be major players in Superman's world, but it's going to take someone being interested in fleshing them out. Maybe the upcoming Superman cartoon will accomplish that? If not I'll just have to hope someone will down the line.

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 2

 -you dislike frank dillane’s portrayal of tom riddle only because you don’t think he’s attractive-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION (and this time, featuring a bit of armchair child psych from a student).

Wait, don’t clutch your pearls just yet. Compose yourself.

I am about to explain why it’s not actually that bad, and Dillane’s portrayal is vastly underappreciated.

I definitely agree that his portrayal comes off as ‘creepier’. It’s not helped by the stylistic decisions in the scene -- the smeary, green filter gives the scene a sinister quality. 

Even Slughorn looks suspect here, which is somewhat appropriate, given that he is complicit in this crime. 

Again, this scene is very much intended to be slightly off.

You’ll notice (and I’ll discuss this again when I talk about Coulson’s portrayal) that Dillane is almost always shot from at least slightly below, which makes the lower third of his face look bigger (and thus more menacing). The lighting also makes his eyes glow in a really unnatural way. There’s an echo-y effect to make his voice (and not Slughorn’s) sound unnerving.

People talk about how Coulson would have looked in this scene, and if he was filmed in the same way (monotone, smeary/shadowy filter, and always from below), he’d look a bit creepy, too.

But all of this, imo, is for a pretty good reason. Slughorn isn’t the POV character. Harry is. Harry is learning about how a young Lord Voldemort wheedled the secret of Horcruxes out of an unsuspecting teacher. Unlike in COS, he expects Riddle to be evil. And, so, Harry’s new perception of Tom Riddle literally colors how we perceive him.

Take this shot, for example: he does that head-tilt thing that Coulson does, and it’s actually... kind of... cute???

Imagine Dillane filmed from slightly above, like Coulson usually is, and it looks even more innocent. (I mean, come on, he does not look like he’s killed four people, does he?) It’s not hard to imagine teachers being taken in by this kind of act.

Even that little smirk he does when the camera (aka, Harry’s gaze) pans in, is for Harry’s benefit. No one else noticed that. 

However, I still fail to find this creepy, like, at all. Yes, it’s a fake smile, but he’s portraying a different side of Tom Riddle to Coulson. Whereas, in COS, he’s in his vindictive, murderous element, where he’s free to express himself, in this scene, Tom Riddle is doing what he does best -- manipulating and managing appearances. 

This entire scene is an act. And because Harry knows it’s an act, it should look a bit stilted. 

From the Hepzibah Smith scene in the books: Voldemort smiled mechanically and Hepzibah simpered.

So, Harry is pretty adept at parsing Tom’s fake expressions.

But just look at the expressiveness in his face: he goes from brooding, he blinks, and his entire face changes to this charming (fake) smile. 

At the risk of sounding elitist, I’m a bit tired of seeing the word ‘psychopath’, which is not an actual medical diagnosis recognised by any psychological or psychiatric institution, being tossed about, especially with reference to Tom Riddle (and from a neuroscience perspective, it’s doubly annoying). There’s no such thing as ‘insanity’ or ‘psychopathy’ or being ‘crazy.’

-although I use it too a shorthand in conversation to distinguish ‘canon’ Tom from his ‘softer’ OOC counterparts, I really shouldn’t-

Unfortunately, I’ve seen the ‘psychopath’ comment used time-and-time again as an excuse or a full explanation of ‘why Tom Riddle went evil’ (JKR in fact, has made a weird comment in an interview, basically saying that ‘psychopaths can’t be redeemed or learn adaptive coping skills’ or whatever), which really just goes to show the lack of understanding and compassion when personality disorders, especially, are concerned.

But what I like most about the opening of this scene, actually, is that first, listless expression. And this is where we get slightly into headcanon, but Tom Riddle is the opposite of a happy, mentally healthy teenager. By Dumbledore’s own admission, he has no real friends. He has no parental figures, no real attachments. Yes, he might derive some pride or enjoyment from being good at magic and top of his class and all that, but I really don’t think even Tom finds that truly fulfilling. There is nothing that makes him happy. 

In fact, although some might perceive it as ‘creepy’, I think that listless expression is an accurate window into Tom’s psyche. 

I know people aren’t big on Freud, but I think that he does make some interesting points (also, cut the guy some slack for being relatively open-minded for the Victorian Era, and inventing psychoanalysis and while yes he did say some sexist stuff, good luck finding a field of science that isn’t male-focused and makes crazy generalizations about women, especially back in the day) about the possible origins of thanatophobia, the fear of death.

According to Freud, thanatophobia is a disguise for a deeper source of concern -- he did not believe that people were capable of conceptualizing their own death to that extent. Instead, he believed that this phobia was caused by unresolved childhood conflicts that the sufferer cannot come to terms with or express emotion towards.

Now, I know Freud almost always attributes mental distress to childhood experiences, but I think in this case, it really has some merit.

According to attachment theory, the basis of how we form attachments in adulthood is dictated by learning it from experiences with caregivers in the first two years of life. We know Tom was born in an orphanage, and that he didn’t cry much as a baby, and subsequently, probably received very little attention. Compounded with possible genetic factors and his caregivers being afraid or wary of his magical abilities, he later struggled to form attachments because of this -- I would actually go so far as to say that by the time Dumbledore meets him, Tom Riddle is severely depressed. 

And that flat affect and anhedonia, I think, comes over very well in Dillane’s portrayal. There’s kind of this resignation -- a very deep sadness and loneliness to his character.

Of course, he doesn’t derive any comfort or fulfillment from human interaction, because (to borrow the description from the Wikipedia article on ‘Reactive attachment disorder’, which Tom meets all the criteria for) he has a “grossly disturbed internal working model of relationships.” In other words, he is unresponsive to all offers of attachment because of this unacknowledged trauma.

(You could arguably class Tom as having an avoidant attachment style, but I think in his case the trauma and its effect on him are severe enough to call it disordered.)

RAD isn’t particularly well-characterized (especially neurologically) and quite new in the literature, but here are some links if anyone is interested in doing a bit of digging: Link 1 | Link 2 | Paper 1 | Paper 2

And, instead of trying to resolve this conflict in a healthy way, or at least recognize that this is why he can’t be happy and try to learn how to cope from there, he (a) represses the desire for human attachment and (b) funnels that negative emotion into being the fault of Death, the Grim Reaper (again, to borrow Freudian terms). 

And we all know how that turned out...

(And now, this should go without saying, but psychoanalyzing fictional characters has nothing to do with assigning a morality to mental disorders. Mental illness is neither a cause nor an excuse for criminal behavior -- in the same way that the cycle of violence is a phenomenon, not an excuse. Tom Riddle did not become a genocidal murderer because, in common parlance, he was a ‘psychopath’ -- he was not necessarily ‘predisposed’ to evil and could just as easily chosen to not follow the path that he did -- instead, he willingly made poor choices. This is a descriptive analysis, not a justification -- a ‘how’, not a ‘why’)

Here’s a Carl Jung quote that articulates it better:

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Yes, he’s a bit stiff (and a lot more formal than in COS during his *conversation* with Harry). But, and here comes the controversial bit, this is appropriate for a portrayal of a schoolboy in the 1940s. The upright posture is accurate -- respectful, polite -- everything Tom Riddle would have been expected to be (and even Coulson, in that scene with Dumbledore in COS, is quite stiff). Even the way he looks at Slughorn and maintains eye contact is very *respectful.*

And, Dillane (I think he’s seventeen or eighteen here) actually looks like a believable sixteen-year-old. I’m sorry, I love Coulson’s portrayal as well, but he looks around nineteen in COS; so in HBP, he probably would have looked at least twenty-two or so. (Sorry, not sorry).

This may be influenced by my own interpretation of the character (because I imagine Tom always looks young for his age, and Dillane fits that archetype, but I don’t think that’s very popular), but I think young Tom Riddle is supposed to be *cute* and a bit stiff/shy/awkward (being charming and awkward is very much possible), if you consider the way Dippet and Slughorn treat him. 

To support this, he says very few words to Hepzibah Smith (in the book, that scene’s not in the movie), and is very... bashful and coy during the whole interaction? I think yes, he’s charismatic, but he’s not loud, suave, openly flirtatious or particularly verbose. Tom Riddle should have a quiet magnetism, and to me, that came across in Dillane’s portrayal.

"I'd be glad to see anything Miss Hepzibah shows me," said Voldemort quietly, and Hepzibah gave another girlish giggle.

...

"Are you all right, dear?"

"Oh yes," said Voldemort quietly. "Yes, I'm very well. ..."

Even the ‘ugly, greedy look’ described in the books, when Slughorn starts spilling his secrets, is there. This is how he’s supposed to look! Slughorn glimpses it, but doesn’t understand its significance. Harry does. 

“Slughorn looked deeply troubled now: He was gazing at Riddle as though he had never seen him plainly before, and Harry could tell that he was regretting entering into the conversation at all.”

Remember the context of this moment, as well: He’s just discovered how to create multiple Horcruxes. Excuse him for looking a bit creepy (if not now, then when?).

Here’s two direct quotes of Harry’s impression of Tom Riddle in that scene: 

“But Riddle's hunger was now apparent; his expression was greedy, he could no longer hide his longing.”

“Harry had glimpsed his face, which was full of that same wild happiness it had worn when he had first found out that he was a wizard, the sort of happiness that did not enhance his handsome features, but made them, somehow, less human. . . .”

Tom Riddle’s Horcruxes are a direct metaphor for his refusal to allow himself to heal from his trauma -- instead, he continues to inflict destruction on himself and others.

His desire to continue creating more Horcruxes sort of resounds with the fact that self-harm can also become a compulsion.

I’d also like to digress a bit to discuss the Gaunt Ring, while we’re at it. While we’ve talked about his attachment issues in general, this discussion is particularly pertinent to father figures. And while Tom’s attachment issues are extensive, I think there’s ample evidence that as a child, he craved acknowledgement and acceptance from a father figure -- the man who gave him the only thing Tom truly owned -- his name. He would have had a vaguely defined mother figure in Mrs. Cole, perhaps.

"You see that house upon the hillside, Potter? My father lived there. My mother, a witch who lived here in this village, fell in love with him. But he abandoned her when she told him what she was.... He didn’t like magic, my father ... He left her and returned to his Muggle parents before I was even born, Potter, and she died giving birth to me, leaving me to be raised in a Muggle orphanage ... but I vowed to find him ... I revenged myself upon him, that fool who gave me his name ... Tom Riddle. ..."

We know that by June of 1943 (COS flashback) Tom has already uncovered the truth of his parentage; he knows he is the Heir of Slytherin via the Gaunt line, and he describes himself to Dippet as ‘Half-blood, sir. Witch mother, Muggle father.’

In Part 1, I discussed the high probability that as a presumed ‘Mudblood’, Tom Riddle was treated rather poorly in Slytherin House. But by this scene in the fall of 1943, he is surrounded by a group of adoring hangers-on. Why?

In my opinion; the Gaunt Ring. We know that Tom stopped wearing it after school, so its sentimental value couldn’t have been that great. We know he likes to collect objects (which I believe stems from his attachment issues -- he seeks comfort in things instead of other people).

Signet rings (such as the one belonging to Tutankhamun seen above) were used to stamp legal documents and such, in order to certify someone’s identify -- like an e-certificate, if you will. Like Tutankhamun’s ring, the Gaunt Ring bears an identifying symbol -- Marvolo Gaunt tells us proudly that it bears the Peverell family crest.

By the Middle Ages, anyone of influence, including the nobility, wore a signet ring. Rings in antiquity were auspicious -- they signified power, legitimacy, and authority. And so, I believe that all the Sacred Twenty-Eight families would have worn these, too.

And so, bearing the Gaunt Ring would have established Tom Riddle, symbolically and in the eyes of the Sacred Twenty-Eight (his future supporters and followers), as the legitimate heir to the House of Gaunt. This is why, I believe, Tom coveted the ring as soon as he saw it -- not just because it was a family heirloom, and not just because he thought it was a pretty toy for his collection.

(He curses it so that no one else but him can wear the Gaunt Ring safely.)

This is why, to make the legitimization literal as well as symbolic, Tom murders his father and grandparents. It’s not just an act of vindictive, murderous rage due to his perception of being rejected by his father (although it is that, too). And so, Tom, abandoning his search for a father figure (and possibly also giving up on the possibility to allow himself to heal from his own personal trauma rather than continue to inflict it on others), ‘cleanses’ his bloodline, to make himself truly legitimate. It’s rather telling that instead of affirming his legitimacy as a Riddle, which would have put him in line for a nice inheritance, and hey -- money is money -- (thus accepting his half-blood status), he simply kills them all. He has done all the murdering he needs to become immortal (and he hasn’t had the discussion about multiple Horcruxes yet); but yet, he does it again. Frightening stuff. 

(Just look how the others look at Tom. All but the one to his left -- possibly Nott, Rosier, or Mulciber -- have their torsos turned towards him. Their attention is on him, while he knowingly regards the viewer/Harry. Tom seems a little uncomfortable with the attention.).

“And there were the half-dozen teenage boys sitting around Slughorn with Tom Riddle in the midst of them, Marvolo's gold-and-black ring gleaming on his finger.”

...

“Riddle smiled; the other boys laughed and cast him admiring looks.”

...

“Tom Riddle merely smiled as the others laughed again. Harry noticed that he was by no means the eldest of the group of boys, but that they all seemed to look to him as their leader.”

The ‘gang’ are true hangers-on; Tom doesn’t seem to pay them much attention. 

So, if not via careful flattery or charisma, the attraction must be status.

And perhaps yet more telling...

"I don't know that politics would suit me, sir," he said when the laughter had died away. "I don't have the right kind of background, for one thing." “A couple of the boys around him smirked at each other. Harry was sure they were enjoying a private joke, undoubtedly about what they knew, or suspected, regarding their gang leader's famous ancestor.”

That, in my opinion, is as good as we’re going to get as proof that Tom’s shiny new signet ring (and by extension, his new status) made a big impression on his fellow students.

So, when he returns to Hogwarts, he is ‘pureblood’. He is cleansed of his Muggle roots, and becomes the legitimate heir of the House of Gaunt, now well on his way to becoming Lord Voldemort...

Watch the scene again, with a critical eye, and imagine Slughorn’s perspective, instead of Harry’s. There’s nothing creepy about Tom Riddle... unless you know what he is...

Strip away all the effects of Harry’s gaze (and notice, here he’s still looking at Harry), and he’s quite the charmer, actually.

(I will concede that I don’t like the promotional images where they have him looking like he’s up to no good. And I do wish he blinked once in a while.)

My challenge to you: Rewatch the scene with an open mind, and let me know if you agree that Dillane’s portrayal comes off as depressive rather than ‘creepy.’ And if not, why do you dislike his portrayal?

[m4rkiza]

pile of headcanons

bunch of raihan/leon headcanon nonsense from my twit*r

theres alot under the cut, warning : its cheesy, also, i headcanon raihan calling leon "bubu"

Raihan is really good at baking and leon is great at cooking savory & spicy food, raihan likes spicy food and leon likes baked goods, they complete each other

Leon so thick and firm he'd be so good to hug and raihan took advantage of that, holding his bubu until leon complains or whine, yknow when ur pet looks so cute and u hug them, like that

leon contacts name on raihans phone is like "♥💖my bubu♥💕", but raihans contact name on leons phone is "Raihan" with capital R

raihan complained about it, showed leons contact name on his phone, leon is surprised bc he thought his contact name on raihans phone is just "Leon" or "Lee"

then leon changes rai's contact name too "🥰raihoney💖

leon doesnt look like the guy who'd be extra on hair and skin treatment, the reason his hair and skin (especially his hair) is unbearably soft and shiny is bc raihan kept reminding him to do so (and buying it)

sometimes leon act spoiled so raihan will do an entire haircare for him

yes raihan do it bc he loves leon unconditionally and he thinks leon deserves it

raihan has a dirty mouth and uses every swear word but for some reasons, around leon all he can say is "jerk" "ugly" and "dumb"

raihan does that bc all he remember when hes with leon is pet names and how-to-coo-and-woo-your-boyfriend

raihan being leons moral compass feels fitting, not bc leon is dumb but bc leon himself is swallowed by his own title and got the hero complex, making him selfless and have a hard time to say no

raihan is there to "what the fuck are you thinking, dont do that baby, you'll die"

but leon seems stubborn yes? he wont listen if people just say "no", he'd ask the reason why, and if the said person doesnt give a clear answer, he leaves but raihan always tries to explain him in full description, short & long lasting damage, consequence etc

so obviously leon listens, and as time goes by, raihan is.. his moral compass, in a way

raihan playfully growls while squeezing leons body parts but its definitely not so playful in leons mind

raihan always ask leon to wear his freshly-washed-hoodie at sunday so when he go to work at monday, his hoodie will smell like leon

raihans laugh is like "aha haha haha *low volume wheeze* phew heehee" and leon got a laugh that can trigger an earthquake

Raihan sneeze like a kitten while leon sneeze like a buldozer

Leon muffles his laugh by hugging raihan so it wont surprise anyone around them

leon demanding affection from raihan by giving him stupid empty threats

leon : Kiss me or ill

raihan : u will what

leon : i-i will shrink your hoodie and make it mine

raihan : no, now come here bubu

In reality, leon doesnt need to do "things" to get raihans attention, raihan told him he can just ask or "just sit on my lap or tug my shirt and ill cuddle and kiss you till the next day", but leons ego is too high for that so he does stupid shit instead

raihan is very loved by leons family bc surprisingly hes able to stop leon and hop from fighting

if u ask how, raihan simply pick up leon up and walk away

aihan is the only guy who leon will listen too and got called as the "champion tamer"

but all raihan do is just

raihan : bubu, no

leon : no..?

raihan : leon. no

leon : no...

then nag him softly while explaining the consequences, sometimes short and long term effect it depends on the situation

leon is stubborn, so it took sometime to convince him that his plan or an action he almost took to partake is very impulsive or doesnt give a good result

the thing is leon is not stupid, infact hes quite brilliant, therefore its hard to convince him if a person who tries to stop him doesnt have a similiar mind like he is, but thankfully theres raihan

for some reasons raihan is able to found leon in any occasion so the league staff ALWAYS calls him whenever leons gone

league staff : mr rai-

raihan : is it leon

league staff : yes

raihan : im on my way

leon likes to ask raihan for hairbands bc he kept losing them

raihan : bubu, isnt this your third time asking for them this week

leon : ....yes..?

raihan spoiling leon bc he feels he wants to make up for him, bc he wasnt available near leon when fought eternatus

leon follows raihan everywhere in the winter and kept pressing himself to him, whenever raihan question whats wrong leon just looked him in the eye and "im warming you up"

leon is small by raihans perspective but he hugs leon tight anyway

raihan is possessive of leon hes THAT hot, charismatic yet very adorable, leon is the one who keeps his chin up and soothe his fears, and hes the champion, everyone wants the champion, u think he'll let go that easily? no, never

and leon is probably possessive too, raihan is a hot nerd, affectionate and gentle, hes the one who push him to his best, the one who also stops him for doing too much, hes his source of comfort and he wont let go and wont let anyone take his raihan away from him for sure

10 years of friendship and healthy rivalry means 10 years of being on each others live, being one of the biggest contributor and supporter for the other, who pushes to the limit yet stopping when one is too close to the edge of the cliff

no matter if its platonic or romantic, they wont let anyone take their rival, friend and lover away that easy, you wont let anyone try to take away one of the important and huge part of your life

raihan big, so hes the big spoon, he loves cooing right at leons ears and kissing the back of his neck, shoulders and sometimes reaches forward to press a sloppy wet kiss to leons cheek

leon crying to raihan when he founds out raihan smokes when hes stressed out, and begging the other to stop and talk to him instead or cope with healthier way

raihan doesnt need an alarm clock to wake him up, leons just need to grin and say "good morning!" its so bright it WILL wake him up

raihan and leon lives together and since then the outfit leon has on his wardrobe is a collection of formal tailored outfits and his battle tower outift, some booty shorts and work out clothing, and obviously underwear and socks.the rest he just stole from raihan

especially t-shirts, hoodies, and jacket, raihan seeing him walking and opening his wardrobe after shower is such a common occurence that he doesnt even need to ask anymore

raihan looks like the type who carries lipbalm and hand cream in his hoodie pocket, he carries 2, 1 cocoa lipbalm for him and honey lipbalm for leon. whenever he met leon, he applies the lip balm on him, it becomes habit that leon even raise his chin up for raihan

leon can sleep alone fine, but when he woke up he felt groggy,but if he slept on top of raihan he'd woke up like he had a perfect 8 hours sleep even tho he slept for only 5 hours

raihan is a heavy sleeper but waking up with leon glued to his chest/back make his whole day better,especially when he woke up to leon peppering his face with kisses to wake him up

raihan being lowkey flustered and overwhelmed by leons beauty/cuteness/sexiness/everything while leon is being clingy and acting spoiled around him

leon cant be serious around raihan, when he saw the gym leader,he automatically let his guard down infront of him, changing from champion leon to leon from postwick, all giddy and happy

leon unzips his champion outfit and once raihan heard the zipping sound he zooms to leon to plant his face between leons chest

if leon wants attention from raihan he will do various things from holding his arm and press his head to raihans shoulders,sitting on his lap and loop his arm around raihans neck,hugging him from the front and put on a cute face

but if raihan wants attention he just, hug leon from behind,put his head on leons shoulder and doesnt let go until leon does SOMETHING

leon has been taking care of others for so long,so when raihan takes care of him ,its a new,yet quite familiar feeling.

its hard to accept since he felt bad about receiving the attention,but raihan kept doing it until leon tend to act spoiled around him

raihan always kiss leons forehead before he sleeps,when raihan is away, he has the urge to videocall raihan so he can coo him to sleep,but hes too embarrassed to do it

he thought abt that and raihan suddenly videocalling him,its noon on the region he visited, and hes like "heeeey, i just want to say good night to my beloved!! good night leon,sweet dreams,sorry bc i cant kiss your forehead but ill kiss u 10x more when im back"

leon was shocked and stared to his camera "lee? fuck,is the connection that bad-" and leon stuttered "n-no! i was surprised...thank you darling, have fun and stay safe okay?"

"of course! dont stay up thinking abt me for too long,i love you so much bubu,good night!

"..good afternoon raihoney,i love you too" leon stayed up for the next 20 minutes rolling around the bed screaming

raihan actually helps leon on taking care of his dragons, which made leons dragonmons actingspoiled around raihan,and sometimes leon thinks that his dragons loves raihan more than him

raihan plays with his dragonmon as if hes playing with a yamper,calling them "cute little babywubby" and playing with their hands,kissing their foreheads and lays with them on the floor,and of course leon joins in by laying on top or next to raihan

even leon have seen raihan carrying his dragapult like a baby with a baby axew hugging his legs, raihan is legit a dragon pokemon magnet

raihan has a habit of cooing or complimenting at leon even when hes doing the simplest thing ever and leon feels giddy like a 5 y.o everytime raihan does it

can u imagine how many pictures of leon raihan have on his phone,its probably more than 1000, he takes picture of leon as if hes a baby pokemon

leon comes to raihans place at 2 am without any warning,i mean raihan DID gave him a spare key so, raihans flat is HIS flat too,and there he goes,going to the bedroom and slip himself under the duvet,crawling to sleep closer to raihan

at first raihan is SO surprised that he jumped from the bed,but now he doesnt care anymore and just kiss leons head,mumbles "goo'nite bubh" and sleep again

leon does it so often that if hes gone from his apartment,people call raihan instead of him

raihan hugging leon from the back while leon is doing stuff in the kitchen while singing,and raihan is there like,peppering smooches and compliments while leon is STILL singing,and giggling bc raihan is smooching him

raihan is BAD at it but he sings along with leon in a joking manner and leon cant even sing anymore bc hes just wheezing while raihan is just "cmOn bAbeEEe SING AgAiiiNNnn"

[wekeepcoming]

I use this blog to enjoy Death Stranding, but I want to come on and speak about the PS5 Sean thing. I normally don’t comment on the JSE community, as it’s very biased towards Sean. And I kinda stopped watching him after 2017 b/c I felt like he was drifting from his moral compass. Especially after I learned he and Signe broke up. That caught me off guard, actually. But what really caught me off guard is when I learned he had a new girlfriend rather quickly. I had heard of Evelien “Gab” Smolders before... But not for a good reason. See I learned about her when she made the terrible “Herro” comment she made about Ada Wong back in like 2019 I think... And I didn’t know her well enough to think anything but “Damn that’s fucked up” and “that’s racists as all Hell”. I never thought about her again until I learned her and Sean got together... And then, if you watch a clip of him talking about when him and Evelien got together, the math adds up to the fact... That it’s pretty obvious Sean was cheating on Signe. He pretty much maps it out. If you watch this video and go to timestamp 0:50, he tells the story - dramatically- about how he and Eveline met. And he even talks about being on his tour... Which Signe was on with him at the time. And then I think back to when poor Signe was getting blamed for their breakup and people saying she was abusive to Sean (oh yeah, people were saying it)... And I just feel bad for her. Cheating is a BIG no no for me. I have no respect for it, no matter the reason. You don’t do that. It’s messed up... it also explains why Sean was adamant about people not bugging Signe about the break up... B/c I would snap out too if people bugged me about my ex who cheated on me with a married woman!

I’m the same age as Sean. Im actually a month older than him. I know when someone is trying to gaslight or manipulate me. And Sean has shown signs of that over the past two years as well. His constant excuses for things are usually him not taking responsibility when he needs to. Which is something else I have a no tolerance for. You’re a thirty year old grown man, Sean. You’re acting like a dumbass child when you puff up and go “well it’s not MY fault, obviously, it was so-and-so’s fault”... Which is exactly what he’s done. The last incident of this that I remember seeing is when he was making excuses for Nopeify and calling him a dumb teenager. They’re nineteen years old. Granted, at nineteen I did stupid shit... But I wasn’t being homophobic and I didn’t make very obvious school shooting “jokes”. That is just being downright disgusting and very much not okay.

After 2017, I didn’t really care too much about Sean’s channel. His content was getting boring and he was changing a lot. I noticed it when he’d collaborated with Mark or Wade or Bob and the others. And yeah I still popped into his stuff from time to time (that’s how I learned about him and Gab). It was clear to see he was changing. And not in good lights. His confident boost he has gained... It has not made him a better person. Back in the past, it was very obvious he was willing to take responsibility for his errors. Which he’s admitted he did b/c he was afraid of being canceled.. Not because they were genuine mistakes or anything... But at least he took responsibility.

I wasn’t mad about the PS5 comment until he brushed off everyone’s complaints for “it was a joke”... Listen, I know everyone has a different sense of humor... But if people aren’t laughing, then you might wanna rethink your “jokes”. Also! When you made that Corona virus joke about Mark back in like February or March or whenever that stream for GTFO was... You realize, sir, that the man you just made that comment to is half-Korean and of the Asian community. Which is receiving deadly hate crimes and being accused of the outbreak because it was sourced from Wuhan, China (and because the goddamn cheese puff that used to be in office kept calling it “Chinese virus” and making it exclusively like it was an Asian centered virus... ) Yeah, didn’t fucking think did you, boy?

Listen. If Sean was some sixteen year old blabbering about, I wouldn’t give a shit. But he’s my goddamn age and it’s pretty clear his stardom is starting to click and warp him. He’s become materialistic and money driven. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make money. That’s fine... But waving that money over people and pushing products out while people are financially struggling and pretty much guilting people about donating or buying his stuff... That’s disgusting. Honestly, it gives me Jeffree Star vibes and that’s NOT a complement. And honestly I think he got worse when Gab came around. Toxic, racist, and money digging as she’s shown to be... If someone is willing to cheat on their husband then hook up not even a month after they divorce them... Then that’s just you being gross.

Alsooo, Sean (I love that this turned into me writing it like I’m in his face yelling at him Hah), last I checked you’re supposed to be Irish. And the Irish used to be heavily persecuted and had xenophobic hell thrown at them for centuries... You out there being discriminatory or classist is very much against what your ancestors fought against. You’re a shit stain on Irish history when you act like a fucking rich bitch twat. Very childish, kid. And dating someone who says openly racists things? Thatttt makes you come off just as racists as well... Although the fact you were comfortable with making Asian racist jokes with JadenAnimation back stage on tour is enough for me to look at you sideways and with disgust.

Also, I love how your sudden LGBTQA+ support streams happened around the same time businesses were profiting off the LGBTQA+ community with pride related objects and billboards... yeah I noticed that. Real cute 😑

Look, I don’t hate the guy. But his actions aren’t favorable and he needs a real world vibe check, because Sean, you could easily find yourself under the cancel culture stomping boot and I wouldnt even bat an eye in surprise. It happened to Dawson, it can happen to any of the “speak more positive” YouTubers out there (granted, Dawson’s stunts go back to more really tasteless jokes and racist shit but heyyy, you’re starting to not be too far off from where he was soooo...).

And for all you big Stans out there. I don’t care if this annoys or upsets you. Everyone preaches about holding celebrities and higher up people accountable for their actions... Sean shouldn’t be exempt from this just because you’re simping or a mega fan who thinks he’ll praise you if you stand up to people calling him out... If he would address his issues with sencerity and show he understands what he’s done wrong, I might even be forgiving. But this recent PS5 shit really makes me think he’s heading down a bit of a Paul brother hole... Actually, no, because the Paul brothers even know they’re being assholes and own up to it. You, Sean, do not.

[phylophe]

100 Warm-Up Roleplaying Questions for Players

Character: Amur Universe: Pathfinder Gender/Race/Class: Male human Paladin/Holy Vindicator Alignment: NG/CG Questions source: here

Full (long) post under the cut.

1. If your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead?

His parents were peasants who worked as labourers, so probably that. If he ever receives charity from any organisation, he’d strive to work for them.

2. Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life?

If it’s strictly his life, Niyooshan - for some reason the alchemist seems to refuse to let him die or even get too hurt. Maybe it’s a healer thing. 

If it’s about making decisions based on his best interest... he doesn’t trust anyone in the current party with that at the moment.

3. What are your character’s core moral beliefs?

People are essentially good. 

Mercy and compassion is no less important than justice and righteousness. 

Any good is worth doing. 

Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity.

4. What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings?

He left home at the age of 8, and his parents were largely absentee in those years. He honours them out of societal expectations of filial piety, but that’s about it.

He’s the second child of five. His older brother (1st) and younger sister (4th) passed when he was 7; he depended a lot on the former, and got along well with the latter as they have the most similar personalities amongst the siblings at the time. 

For his surviving siblings, he is very close to his younger brother (3rd, only a year his junior), and they still exchange letters frequently. He and his youngest sister (5th) barely knew one another until they reunited recently as adults.

5. Does your character have any biases for or against certain races?

Having the privilege of being human, he has the common in-universe biases but he tries his best to check them. He does this especially consciously when it comes to race/ancestry (i.e. species) - one of his friends from his apprentice days was lynched for being a drow. 

6. What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority?

He respects nobility who is responsible in their post, and righteous authority. 

Otherwise he tolerates them and tries not to cause trouble... unless they do something with which he greatly disagrees morally.

7. Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armour, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc.

(Skipping the part about scars - addressed in #21)

He dresses in full, heavy plate armour complete with a kite shield when out in the field or in battle. 

During downtime, he wears simple tunics with trousers and boots, usually with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Sometimes he wears a gambeson on top or a leather cuirass for more formality. 

8. What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most?

(Answering the second part - first part addressed in #40.) 

The small towns and villages they’ve passed through with down-to-earth folks. Though he also likes cities with rich histories and culture.

9. What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship?

Sarenrae - the goddess of the sun, redemption, honesty, and healing. 

He respects most other gods and religions on the good or neutral side of the good-evil axis. With evil gods, he tries not to judge their believers until evil actions based on such beliefs are actually taken.

10. If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be?

Some sort of sculpture, maybe pottery or carving. He’s a very tactile person.

11. Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right.

(Rolling 1d3 between 1. Amalli, 2. Mawari, 3. Niyooshan)

AMALLI: It’s complicated - he trusts that she means well and has his best interest in mind, however what she considers “best” is rather... unusual. He teeters between having faith that she is kind by nature, and being annoyed at her messed up values and principles ingrained by nurture. 

12. What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence?

Save the sun, keep his uncle alive, vindicate his friend’s honour.

13. Does your character ever want to “settle down” with a spouse, children, house, etc.?

He’s a sojourner who feels uneasy if he has to stay in one place for an extended amount of time. At this point he’s accepted the single life; it makes it easier to travel.

14. Has your character ever been in love?

He’s aromantic/asexual and can’t really distinguish between romantic and platonic love very well. He does love his friends and found family deeply however.

15. What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character?

Against a dragon turtle which is also a divine guardian of sorts. The party angered it and was having trouble hurting it at all; he used Greater Angelic Aspect for the first time to speak to it so it would stop attacking them. It eventually involved taking a massive hit for it and dying (for the first time since level 1), but it ended the battle with no further damages to the party.

16. If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead?

A cleric. Arguably with his temperament he’d have turned out better as one.

17. What is your character’s favourite season?

Spring - the sun gets stronger, the day gets longer, the plants and animals become livelier. 

18. What would your character’s Zodiac sign be, following stereotypical astrology?

Pisces.

19. Where in the world does your character most want to visit?

If it’s only Golarion and the material plane - the Padishah Empire of Kelesh.

20. What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made?

Boy where do we begin. A few months ago he’d have said “going to pee alone that one time”, but he’s okay with that now. 

He thinks his biggest mistake was to give in to despair and as a result fell from grace and lost his god-given powers. He counts the lives lost that could otherwise be saved as his fault.

21. Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories?

A scar on his neck from a time when he wanted to kill himself, and a stigmata in the form of a sunburst brand on his right hand from when he became a Holy Vindicator.

22. What animal best represents your character?

Bison - sometimes peaceful and absentminded, other times temperamental; bull-headed, tough and hardy, and stubborn.

23. If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be?

Aside from not falling from grace as per #20... pick a more common language to learn in school. See #95.

24. Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with?

Those in the first adventuring party he’s had - with Adeline, Mirele, and Kebarong. Simple people with simple needs. Their personalities may be very different, but at least they live in worlds that are relatable.

25. Does your character regret any particular choice the party has made?

Anything that involves the deaths of innocents, even/especially if it’s for the “greater good”. 

26. What would your character say their best trait would be?

His faith in humanity.

27. What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational?

Having his soul doomed in one way or another. Presently the most plausible method by which this can happen is to have it torn asunder and destroyed.

28. What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party?

He knows he can’t do much of anything alone - not only does he play a supportive role in combat, he needs his companions’ skills, qualities, experience, and expertise to achieve the massive goal they all share (to a degree) - see #12.

29. What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class?

Animals (especially felines), writing letters, pleasant long walks somewhere outdoors.

30. What would most people think when they first see your character?

Big, shiny, clangy, scary-looking, heavily-armoured man. He himself is completely unaware of this perception.

31. What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?)

Often he’s the Heart. In a Five Man Band he’d be (conditionally) the Leader, the Lancer, or the Chick.

32. What is your character the most insecure about?

His terrible schmoozing skills.

33. What person does your character admire most?

His benefactor, mentor, and mother figure - a cleric who gave up her peaceful life and comfortable home to travel the world as a missionary and healer. 

34. What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left?

(Rolling 1d3 between 1. Amalli, 2. Mawari, 3. Niyooshan)

NIYOOSHAN: He admires the alchemist’s resourcefulness, calm and analytical mind, general intelligence and skills in what he does. 

He dislikes his cold rationality and ability to make brutal decisions without hesitation... but what he dislikes more is his own feeling of envy for such a quality. (See also #67.)

35. Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)?

Strength and dexterity (I know). He grew up poor and missed out on some bulking up as a child. He’s hardy though.

36. What would be your character’s theme song/favourite band/favourite genre of music?

Folk music with lots of wind instruments.

37. What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.)

Looks like a jock, acts like a nerd. Probably would get bullied if not for protective friends.

38. What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them?

His standard issue shield given by the Church (with which he shares a Divine Bond, and he has had various upgrades attached to it), letters from friends and those he considers family, a feather from the Vermillion Bird.

39. Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find?

Right now, as the campaign demands - the Chronicles of the Righteous. Otherwise he’d love to come across any of Sarenrae’s divine artifacts.

40. Where does your character feel the most at home?

BACKSTORY: the Sarenite church grounds in Absalom, where he grew up.

IN-GAME: Falcon’s Hollow, despite its cursedness, where he met people he grew to trust with his life.

41. Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people?

He cares how his loved ones see him insofar as he wants them to trust him, but he doesn’t compromise easily on the kind of person his principles make him.

42. What does your character think is the true meaning of life?

To find something worth loving in everything and everyone.

43. What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.)

Sun-burnt vegetation and a faint but unmistakable hint of metal.

44. Does your character think more with their heart or their brain?

Heart.

45. What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare?

His most frequent nightmares all involve fire - a child being incinerated, a pile of bodies being cremated, a gigantic flaming wheel in the sky overlooking chaos befalling a city.

46. What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragon-marked Houses, royal crown, etc.)

CHURCH OF SARENRAE IN ABSALOM: It was his home once; not anymore. Maybe it can’t ever be home again now that he’s seen how deep the corruption runs.

EAGLE KNIGHTS: They mean well, but they have a ruthless murderer in their own ranks and after all these years they haven’t sorted that out. Helpful to a point, at least. 

HELL KNIGHTS OF THE SCOURGE: They’re more reasonable and likeable than he’d expected, and he’s not sure how to feel about that.

PATHFINDER SOCIETY: Crazy resourceful, shamelessly shifty.

JADE REGENT: Shit.

47. How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends?

He lived in poverty in a backwater town (Railford) in southern Taldor until the age of 8, when he was brought to the Church of Sarenrae in Absalom. His years there as an apprentice were the happiest, most peaceful of his life - he had his mentor and her companion as pseudo-parents, and made some close friends when he was training to be a paladin.

48. What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

Whether or not he can redeem Shasriel. See also #52.

49. What colours are associated with your character?

Green, yellow, brown.

50. Who in the party would your character prioritise rescuing, in dire circumstances?

Among his current party of Amalli, Niyooshan, and Mawari, he’d prioritise Amalli because she’s been with him the longest and he knows her best out of the three.

51. Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

Pathos.

52. If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for?

He’s wary of the repercussions and unforeseen consequences of such a powerful spell, so he’ll restrict it to wishing that the wraith feeding off of his soul be saved from undeath and her uncorrupted nature restored. See also #48.

53. What is your character’s favourite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favourite personal weapon/combat manoeuvre/skill/etc.?

Lay on Hands, with mercies and feats.

54. How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

He doesn’t like it but he does it with people he’s not close to, out of fearing judgement. With close people he only keeps secrets if he himself doesn’t want to confront those things, which actually happens quite often.

55. What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by?

Benevolent creatures that should be evil by nature - devils and undead for example.

56. When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?

Before he went into paladin-specific training, he wanted to be a missionary cleric - just like his mentor. 

57. The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond?

(Rolling 1d3 between 1. Amalli, 2. Mawari, 3. Niyooshan)

MAWARI: He’d think she’s ill, making a bad joke, or trying to curse him.

58. If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with?

It would depend of course, but at this point he doesn’t really trust his current party, so he would probably side with his loved one.

59. Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s?

Definitely not, to a fault sometimes.

60. What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group?

Something unequivocally cruel and undeniably evil.

61. How does your character imagine the way they will die?

In battle, protecting others with all that he can give.

62. What is your character’s greatest achievement?

Aside from the battle described in #15, being vindicated by his goddess at the exact moment he defied an order from his religious superiors.

63. Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal?

Not at all, unless his goal also happens to be the greater good.

64. What is your character’s opinion on killing others?

He understands the necessity of killing in the kind of life he’s chosen to live, but he tries his best to avoid killing innocents, and even those who are guilty - so long as he thinks they have a chance to be redeemed.

65. What is your character’s favourite food? Beverage?

He doesn’t have single favourite, but he likes homey, hearty meals. Potatoes make him think of Kebarong, one of his closest companions. As of late he seems to have suddenly developed a constant craving for almonds. 

66. How generous is your character? Especially to those they don’t know?

Very. He’d fall for any sob story; even if he knows he’s been cheated he wouldn’t change his ways, because his generosity being abused is not his problem, but the abuser’s.

67. What is your character the most envious about, regarding anyone in the party?

As addressed in #34, he’s envious about Niyooshan’s ability to make cruel but rational and/or necessary decisions. He is also sometimes envious of Amalli’s blissful ignorance of some realities of the world, but other times he feels sorry for her.

68. The player character to your left and the player character to your right are both telling your character two different versions of the truth. Who does your character believe?

(Rolling 2d3 between 1. Amalli, 2. Mawari, 3. Niyooshan) 

MAWARI & AMALLI: This is a toughie. On the one hand he trusts Amalli more than Mawari, since he’s known the former for a while and became acquainted with the latter only recently; on the other hand Amalli has a way of viewing and interpreting reality that he really doesn’t understand sometimes. Ultimately he’d take Amalli’s word for it if he has to.

69. What is your character’s sexuality/relationship with sex?

He’s aromantic and asexual, although he does enjoy intimacy with friends (i.e. he’s quite touchy-feely). if someone were to pursue him romantically/sexually and he already likes them a lot, he’d do what they request if he thinks that it improves their bond. 

70. What is your character’s biggest pet peeve?

People using doublespeak, especially if it’s for politics.

71. Describe how your character feels about the party’s current situation/objective/etc.

It’s a big job and he can’t even fathom how they’ll get there, but it has to be done and it seems like he and his companions are the ones who need to do it, so he’ll just have to take things one step at a time. 

72. Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret?

Niyooshan - he trusts the man to exercise discretion. Amalli means well but tends to run her mouth.

73. If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life?

Write heartfelt letters to his friends and family, write strongly-worded letters to his Church and the authorities-that-be, and do his best to further his and his allies’ mission.

74. What makes your character feel safe?

A nice home-cooked meal, a warm fire, knowing people he trusts and loves are close by. 

75. If your character had the chance to rename the party/give the party a name, no questions asked, what would it be?

“Not-Rebels”. Because they’re totally not rebels with massive bounties on their heads. 

76. What memory does your character want to forget the most?

Technically he’s already forgotten it - the process by which his soul was bound to an ancient Azlanti wraith was traumatic enough that his memory of it is now repressed. 

For his intact memories, he’d very much like to forget about the time he watched a child be incinerated in an instant, or the time he’s had to mercy-kill a group of innocents who’d been afflicted by the curse of undeath... or maybe he doesn’t because he thinks he needs to carry his “mistakes” with him.

77. If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so?

Fighter - so he can be more flexible with gear, be more effective at controlling the battle, and - most importantly - use tower shields. 

78. What television/book/video game/etc. character would your character be best friends with? (Or: what media character is your character the most influenced by/similar to?

Take all the usual Knight Templar tropes and subvert them.

Additionally, my GM compares him to Anders of the Dragon Age franchise. I created Amur way before I knew who Anders was, and some of the similarities are frankly uncanny. 

79. What unusual talents does your character possess?

High pain tolerance, and (is this a talent?) diminished self-preservation instincts.

80. How does your character feel about receiving/giving orders? Are they more of a leader, or a follower?

He’s much happier receiving orders than giving them, but he can’t help but question or even defy those he considers immoral. He wants to be a follower but is ultimately too headstrong and impulsive to be a good one.

81. What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

His name is one (of the few) ties he has with his birth family, but he’s fine if he has to use a different name temporarily for a good reason.

I named him after the Amur River. As a geomorphologist I sometimes name my OCs after landform features. All my original PCs and NPCs in this universe are named after real-world rivers.

82. Is your character more of an introvert, or an extrovert?

Introvert.

83. How far is your character willing to go to pursue the “greater good”? Do they believe in a greater good at all?

He believes in the greater good, he just doesn’t believe in having to sacrifice innocent individuals to pursue it.

84. What does your character want to be remembered by?

Kindness and compassion.

85. What would be your character’s major in college?

Humanities - more precisely, something along the lines of Anthropology or Cultural Studies.

86. Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else?

Something else - he sees himself as one who helps someone else become a hero, or turns someone away from villainy. 

87. What major arcana tarot card best represents your character?

Strength.

88. Where does your character see themselves in 20 years?

Dead. Still travelling around, with or without a name, finding trouble, and doing whatever needs to be done.

89. What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it?

To him, in general magic is just another ability or talent, as much as someone can be gifted physically, intellectually, or artistically. His own magic is granted by his deity, so he sees it as a blessing and not really belonging to him. 

90. Who is your character’s biggest rival?

He doesn’t consider anyone his rival, but he does have a nemesis of sorts by the name of Geminus Nero Rugatonn. The guy’s been hounding him and his friends since something like level 6.

91. What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure?

Playing with cats.

92. What does your character hope for the afterlife?

To have his soul intact and actually see Sarenrae in all her glory, and to meet those he thinks he’s failed and apologise to them.

93. Who in the party does your character trust the least?

At this point, Mawari - she’s only just joined them, is a witch with creepy curses and hexes, and is their ally only because their goals align with her being a traitor to the Jade Regent.

94. What is your character’s biggest flaw?

Impulsiveness, and being a bleeding heart who is way too forgiving.

95. How did your character learn the languages that they speak?

TALDANE: His first language, and the common tongue across most of the Inner Sea region.

TERRAN: Learned it as part of the curriculum in his apprentice days. Why he didn’t pick something less obscure is anyone’s guess. Maybe he just doesn’t want to use it much.

NECRIL: Started to learn this after being possessed (?) by a wraith.

TIAN: The common tongue in the continent of the current campaign, Tian Xia.

MINKAI: The local tongue in the country of the current campaign, Minkai.

SIGN LANGUAGE: Learned this after Niyooshan lost his speech. 

96. What is your character’s favourite school of magic/type of weaponry?

MAGIC: Healing (conjuration) and harm-negating spells (abjuration).

WEAPONRY: Do shields count?

97. What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness?

Happiness.

98. What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves?

“Don’t ignore the urging of your conscience; act on it. It’s better to regret what you’ve done than what you haven’t.”

99. Are there any social or political issues your character feels strongly about?

Any sort of persecution or discrimination that is based on some neutral and often unchangeable part of someone’s identity, e.g. being slaves, low-born, or of a particular race.

100. What, currently, is your character the most curious about?

What part he has to play and how he will end up by the end of this whole deal involving nations, religions, legacies, curses, spirits, gods, and Great Old Ones.

[hannah-deserved-better]

Psychoanalysis Of Castiel and Hannah

Hannah and Castiel are my favorite characters, I’ve been writing about them for a very long time, and a lot of the time, my stories are a way for me to understand them better. These two characters are the characters I relate to the most for a lot of reasons. Mainly because I think that if they weren’t angels, they would both be on the autism spectrum, so I relate to them on a personal level because I am autistic too.

Hannah is a character that not a lot of people like in the show. She’s unpopular with a lot of fans, and they seem quick to condemn her for her flaws, but to me, she is one of the most misunderstood characters. She did have character flaws and strengths; she was one of the more developed supporting characters on the show. And she complimented Castiel’s personality in many ways.

At the most basic level, Hannah is an angel’s angel. She is bound by heaven’s laws, and she has a strong sense of duty, responsibility, and regulations. For her, everything has its place, and it’s hard for her to understand when people stray from that. She values harmony and order and structure. So the concept of free will was hard for her to wrap her mind around, at least at first. 

But at the same time, Hannah is unusual in that, unlike other angels, she seems to have emotions. She is very empathetic. And she doesn’t always understand feelings, how they work inside of her. Often times, she struggles with intense emotions, which causes her to be impulsive and to lash out when she feels she, or someone she cares about, is being slighted or taunted. 

Hannah was quick to react with anger to Tessa taunting her, to Metatron teasing her, she did provoke Adina into an altercation, and I feel it’s because she doesn’t always handle these sort of emotions well, she acts out what she feels. 

Hannah admired Castiel from the beginning. While other angels blamed him for the fall, Hannah seemed drawn to him as soon as she encountered him, and it didn’t matter to her the reputation he has in heaven. And I think this is an essential strength for Hannah. That even though she values order and rules, she is also somewhat open-minded. She strives to understand things, and Castiel, a rebel, represents everything she’s been taught was wrong. Yet she trusts him anyway.

When she learns about Castiel’s stolen grace, she walked out on him, and a lot of fans seem to get on her case for that, but think of it from her point of view. Stealing another angel’s grace is a pretty abhorrent thing; such a violent act isn’t something Hannah is too familiar with. It goes against everything she’s been taught. And Castiel was someone she admired, she chose to follow despite the chaos he seems to represent, and then to discover what he did, she probably felt betrayed, and she struggled with these feelings of hurt.

But here’s the thing. Hannah has this inherent need to understand. In many ways, she shares that intellectual curiosity with Castiel. If she didn’t, she never would have gone down to that jail cell to talk with Castiel and Gadreel. She wouldn’t have been there if she didn’t want to understand. And as soon as she did understand, she was right back at Castiel’s side.

See, Hannah needs proof. She is an angel who values order, and if someone is to deviate from that order, she needs to understand why she needs proof of why this deviation is necessary. She is an independent thinker in that regard, which again sets her apart from other angels. She is more than just a mindless drone, and I think Castiel sensed that in her, that she has the potential to be more than that.

Also, I don’t think people understand and recall that Hannah endured some trauma. She is a soldier of heaven. And unlike Castiel, she has never been to Earth before the fall. The fall must have been absolutely traumatizing for her. So suddenly fall from heaven, to be on this strange world with all of these strange humans, struggling to find her way in it all. And then, she is tortured by Gadreel.

There is some debate over what happened in that warehouse, but the facts are that Gadreel killed all the angels Hannah was with, and he beat her. When Castiel found her, she was beaten, shaking; she couldn’t even open her eye. She seems to have put up a struggle, but whatever happened, she was in bad condition, and she was left in a room full of dead angels. Angels she probably had to watch be brutally murdered. And at the same time, Metatron had ordered Gadreel to leave one angel alive, and he chose Hannah. Did he pick her at random, was she just the one who fought the hardest, or maybe even he saw something in her. Something valuable.

When Hannah started working on Earth with Castiel, it was clear how quickly she began to evolve. She went from being an angel’s angel who found things like stolen angel grace to be abhorrent, to actually wanting to make deals with Metatron to save Castiel of his fate, a fate that most angels would think he deserved. Including himself, and we will get to Castiel’s issues later.

It’s pretty clear at first that Hannah doesn’t really trust humans. She doesn’t trust Sam or Dean, and she doesn’t think there’s much that can be learned from humanity. But Castiel shows her otherwise, and her fascination with humanity begins to grow. She realizes that there is something more about these creatures. 

And as Hannah spends more time on Earth, her emotions and passions begin to grow. She doesn’t understand, and her feelings are a source of some internal conflict for her. Because as she sees Castiel deteriorate, as she grows to care for him, her emotions tend to get the best of her, compelling her to go against her own moral compass to save him. What she once thought was abhorrent, like making deals with Metatron, or even suggesting that Castiel steal more grace, suddenly become more acceptable to her in her desperation as she watches Castiel get weaker and weaker. And she struggles with this conflict. 

Eventually, though she tries, her emotions turn to compassion for her own vessel. She gives up her vessel, leaving Castiel, and giving up the one thing she wanted. 

Hannah was flawed; she struggled. But she was so brave, compassionate, etc. She was more than just some potential love interest for Cas. She was her own person. She was a leader, and even Metatron once commented that under Hannah’s leadership, heaven had never been so stable. 

Hannah left her mark on Castiel. She inspired him to take an interest in his own vessel, and in Claire Novak. And although in the later seasons he and Hannah were at odds, he valued her. And I think he loved her; he was visibly affected by her death in season 11. Castiel believed in Hannah. Even when he was dying of his stolen grace, he believed she could take his place. 

And now for Castiel. Castiel is a genuine angel, and he seems to be very rare as far as angels go. He cares deeply for humanity, but he also cares about heaven.

In many ways, Castiel and Hannah are very much alike, especially in the beginning. Castiel was an angel’s angel, he believed in obedience, but through his time with the Winchesters, he became the poster child for free will. He took a stand for freedom. Maybe he had it in him all along.

But his stand for freedom has cost him dearly. I think it’s important to understand that for Castiel, he is stuck in between two worlds. His friendship with Sam and Dean has kept him on Earth, but to think that he has turned his back on heaven is wrong. He still cares about angels. But his internal conflict is the fact that it’s hard for him to care for both angels and humans.

Maybe Castiel always was a rebel at heart. As Naomi calls him a ‘spanner in the works,’ he’s never truly done precisely what he’s told. 

Castiel is very genuine, and he has always tried to do good. But he’s made mistakes. I think guilt is Castiel’s constant companion. He puts others before himself, not just because he’s brave, but also because he doesn’t seem to value himself and his own worth. 

Castiel has some trauma that has never really been resolved. From standing against Raphael to the fall, guilt has been his constant companion. All he wanted to do was help heaven and help humanity; he couldn’t do both. He tried to teach the angels free will, and it cost him a massive civil war. He went too far, and it all went so wrong, with the leviathans and such.

And that was probably the beginning of Castiel’s feelings of self-loathing. He truly believes he doesn’t deserve salvation because of the things he did to other angels, and the things he did to the Winchesters. The guilt he feels is so enormous that he no longer seems to value his own life. He will fight for others, but not for himself. 

As if the civil war with Raphael wasn’t terrible enough, Castiel was tricked into Metatron’s trap on the pretense that he would be helping angels. And that’s the thing about Castiel’s personality. He wants so desperately to help others that he tends to be easily led astray by other’s false promises. With the civil war, he thought he was helping angels by teaching them free will, by trying to give him the freedom he had found with the Winchesters. Here, he thought he was helping angels in attempting to bring them peace- Metatron’s peace, only to be duped again, which ended up causing even more angel deaths.

It’s just ironic that Castiel’s need to help angels is what has led to heaven’s present situation. He has been single-handedly responsible for the angels almost being extinct right now. From making deals with Crowley to making deals with Metatron, it’s all been about helping heaven, and it’s all gone so horribly wrong for him.

And now, Castiel is hated by his own kind, and I think that is a pain he has endured through the years, contributing to his depression. I think it hurts him very deeply because he still longs to be an angel. He wants to find acceptance. 

I think that in Castiel’s current mindset, and especially after the fall, he has been depressed- even somewhat suicidal- for a very long time. And I think that is the basis for why he felt uncomfortable with Hannah’s interest in him. Throughout the first few episodes of season 10, Hannah literally begged Castiel to take care of himself. And he shot her down each and every time. 

I think Castiel brushed Hannah’s attempts to care for him away because he was uncomfortable with the notion that anyone valued him. Castiel loves the Winchesters, they are his family, but he knows full well that when it comes right down to it, they would pick each other over him no matter what. 

And here is this other person, another angel no less, who is literally willing to risk the world by letting Metatron free to save him. This just does not compute with him. That someone would be that desperate for him to stay alive, he’s not used to it. 

The Winchesters have both made some pretty potentially world-ending decisions to save each other, but here Hannah is, wanting to do this for Castiel, and at this point, Castiel doesn’t care about his own life. 

And I think Hannah’s death probably reinforced it to Castiel that he was of no value to anyone. Even though she literally died fighting at his side. Castiel is so damaged emotionally and mentally, that when we fast forward to the last couple seasons, his deal with the empty just reinforces that. 

Castiel loves Jack. Jack is the one thing that made him happy; after a long line of devastating losses, he finally has his one happy thing, which is why it was a no brainer that he would make a deal with the empty to save Jack. But it goes deeper than that. It’s not just that Castiel loves Jack and would put him before himself, it’s also that he values himself so little, and has felt that way for so long, that sacrificing himself for others is almost second nature to him. He is almost eager for a chance to die for someone else. 

Castiel is such a kind, genuine person, and he deserves someone who would show him the devotion that he would bestow on them. After everything he’s gone through, after everything he’s endured, he still has this insatiable need to help others, whether it be angels or humans. The Winchesters taught him everything about free will, sacrifice, and standing for what’s right, and it’s cost him so much, but it’s made him stronger, it’s made him a better angel. But I think he really needs a chance to be redeemed. He needs to have one thing in his life succeed.

Castiel and Hannah are so perfect for each other. Through Hannah, Castiel could have learned to value himself. And though Castiel, Hannah could learn to discover her own humanity and embrace the passions that she has within her. They would have been an epic power couple together. They compliment one another so well. They are equals. Neither one overpowers the other. They are both independent thinkers; they are both so strong and brave. 

This is why I value these two characters and why I write about them. A lot of this psychoanalysis forms the basis in all my stories. I like to pick about both characters from their relationship with one another to their relationship with humans, other angels, demons, etc. 

When I write about Hanstiel Squared, and there are four angels instead of just two, I am still learning how to work out the kinks in those relationships, but I think when it comes to Hannah and Hana (male Hannah, face claim Lee Majdoub), Hannah takes the role of the provider. She is the leader. She is level headed, and her relationship with Castiel is about a long-enduring love that grows stronger as time goes on. 

Meanwhile, Hana shares many of Hannah’s personality traits, but he is more spontaneous. He embraces emotions a little easier than she does. He’s playful and patient. He’s the entertainer of the bunch. He’s the listener; he’s extremely patient. 

Hannah is the steadfast, devoted, compassionate lover while Hana is the patient, spontaneous, fun-loving lover. 

When it comes to the two Castiels, there’s Castiel, and there’s Castielle (female Castielle, face claim Jessa Danielson), Castielle still carries the same need to help others that Castiel does. She suffers from the same guilt that he does, but it comes out as a shy, more withdrawn version of Castiel. She tends to doubt herself, is unsure of herself, afraid of making a mistake. And she has more of a desire to be loved and to seek love. 

Castielle sees beauty. She is artistic, creative, and she likes to make people happy by making the world around them beautiful. She loves to nurture, which is something she and Castiel definitely share. 

Castiel is the protector; he puts himself at risk to keep those that he loves save. Hannah is the provider, honed with a logical, reasonable outlook, Hana is the listener, and Castielle is the creator and the nurturer. 

So that is my analysis. Whether its just Hanstiel or its Hanstiel squared, this is the basic framework for my stories. I love to dig into Cas and Hannah’s psyches, figure out what makes them tick. And as an angsty, dark fic writer, I do enjoy playing their flaws against them. I put them through hell often. 

[nobodyfamousposts]

In one of your posts you mentioned Felix as a possible rival for Adrien to come to his senses. Could you talk a little more about what that dynamic would be like please?

My vision of Felix is a little strange compared to others, so please bear with me.

Since this isn’t a Felix who needs a curse broken, he has no interest in Ladybug or a kiss, so there’s no real rivalry in that aspect. He wouldn’t be a “love” rival for Adrien so much as a rival in other matters that Adrien is involved in. Possibly in any of Adrien’s extracurricular activities (piano, fencing, etc) or even in modeling if we wanted to go for the fame angle. Because everyone loves the “bad boy” and Felix just comes off as so much more mature and intense than sweetheart Adrien and would be considered the new “thing".

On the plus side, this would free Adrien up more in terms of modeling time. On the downside, it would make Adrien feel replaced and inadequate. He would question himself more in terms of his personality and how he would appear to others. Imagine if Felix was the new cover of the latest Gabriel lineup. All of Adrien’s classmates are even raving about him. Even Lila is trying to target Felix now. I’d see it being less a matter of Adrien being flat out “jealous” of Felix in the conventional way and more a matter of questioning himself. Is Felix really that much better than him? Is THIS what people want? Is THIS the type of guy who has Ladybug’s heart? Maybe cue an episode where Adrien tries changing his look and personality to be a “bad boy” type and utterly fails at it—to the point that Marinette of all people calls him out on it. (Marinette: Adrien, this isn’t you. This so horribly not you that it seems like a bad joke more than anything.)

It doesn’t help that Adrien is a generally friendly guy and would naturally try to reach out to Felix. Maybe try to find common ground in that they’re both in the modeling business. It would be cool to have a friend who is a model and knows what it’s like. But Felix really wants nothing to do with him. He’s probably the very first if not only person in all of Paris who just flat out does NOT like Adrien. And Adrien is not used to having someone actively dislike him. Adrien is like pudding. Everyone likes pudding!

Except Felix, who hates pudding. And doesn’t like Adrien.

I see Felix being like a cat in personality. He’s grumpy and wants to be left alone. He doesn’t care about your classroom drama. He doesn’t care about your silly love triangles. He wants to be left to his own business. If he is to interact with people, it’s going to be on HIS terms, otherwise he could care less. It’s part of the reason he’s so standoffish and has absolutely no problem calling folks out on anything. He is abrasive with a sharp tongue and a cold attitude that would be off putting to most people. He’s not necessarily hated like Chloe, but the class does find it really difficult to be able to approach him.

Marinette is probably the only one who can. Partly due to her role as the class representative and her duty to reach out to and interact with all members of her class, but she pushes past the multitude of barriers Felix puts up and manages to have a decent discussion with him and even just be able to remain in his presence for more than a minute without being driven away.

For Felix, Marinette is…tolerable company. She seems to know when he’s open to interaction and most importantly, DOESN’T PUSH HIM. There are times she will simply do her own project next to him in silence and he’s perfectly fine with that. Other times, she’ll strike up conversation. There are even points when she encourages him to get involved with the rest of the class. Maybe gently point out when he’s coming off as crass. He won’t apologize, of course, but he will at least make an effort to be aware and try to be more considerate.

Compare that with people like Lila, who intrudes regularly, telling lies so blatant they foul the air, and sees fit to try touching him and grabbing at him without his permission and that his HIS ARM you damn leech, release it before he resorts to gnawing it off! (And yes, he would.  Marinette: FELIX, NO!)

His words are harsh at points, but she doesn’t take what he says personally and comes to understand that’s just his way of interacting with the world. She takes his statements as his observations and can respond in kind. As she gets to know him, she becomes more comfortable in doing so and better at reading him. Even better at matching him in some ways. They at some point end up getting into a very heated debate about a few particularly high end brands being needlessly expensive and whether the same look can be made with different cheaper materials. Marinette proves they can when she makes a jacket that matches Felix’s own and is more durable. Felix is actually impressed, which is a major win as far as Marinette is concerned.

Felix overall doesn’t appreciate small talk or people trying to cozy up to him. And above all, he will not tolerate bullshit. Lila is definitely going to have a hard time. Adrien as well. Felix is not going to be nice about his opinions and commentary. If you’re doing something wrong, he will let you know. He won’t yell or shout or be outright insulting or anything like that. But he will be assertive and he will not go out of his way to spare anyone’s feelings.

This surprisingly makes him a good go-to for critiques and advice, as he will not hold back his punches in telling someone where they’ve made a mistake, but he will go into full detail as to what the mistakes are and how to correct them. This becomes vital for those in the class who have hobbies they’re looking to turn into careers. Alya and her journalism (Felix: Fact checking means you look for outsides sources to verify! You don’t take information from only one person and base everything only on that. That’s how you lose your job and all respect as a journalist.). Nino and his music (Felix: There is a skip at time 2:23 and a period from 1:47 to 1:59 where the bass overpowers the rest of the music and muddles the melody.). And of course, Marinette and her fashion.

Adrien is admittedly somewhat jealous that Felix is able to have more conversations and interactions with his father and his friends about their interests than he does. He also doesn’t like the way Felix talks to Marinette at points since his statements can seem overly harsh and critical, particularly in regards to her projects (which are her life and how dare anyone say anything negative about them!) but Marinette actually appreciates his input and incorporates his suggestions.

Felix and Adrien’s dynamic is going to be somewhat volatile. Adrien initially wants to be friends. Felix flat out does not. At first, Adrien sees Felix as someone he can find things in common with and be able to interact based on that aspect, maybe even as someone who could offer support in that regard.

Felix does not want to be a support. They are competitors. Not friends. Not allies. And he doesn’t appreciate being expected to deal with people who won’t step up when there is clearly a problem. He hates Adrien’s passivity. He especially hates Adrien’s self-righteous attitude. And he will absolutely call Adrien out on his sheer hypocrisy if he were to know about it. Adrien’s little lecture to Marinette at the end of Chameleon about how you don’t make a bad person be good by confronting them? Yeah, he’s going to steamroll right over that, chew Adrien out for letting his friends be played, and call out Lila on every change of her story. And he’s going to do it with all the bluntness and casualness of someone commenting on the weather.

This will naturally rub Adrien the wrong way as it will come off to him as being needlessly mean. Adrien’s thing is about wanting to avoid conflict, and Felix will be initiating it. This will combine with Felix’s annoyance with Adrien’s “high road” stance and the two will start to bump heads more as things go on. Felix won’t look kindly upon Adrien’s moral compass when Adrien isn’t really the one on the receiving end of any of the problems he’s lecturing about and how it seems more of an excuse to simply not get involved in the first place. Adrien will similarly want to cut in and defend anyone Felix throws a comment at, regardless of Felix’s points or whether the comments are actually warranted.

Felix will be the first person to not like Adrien, not cater to his view of how the world should be, and not give in to his wishes about keeping peace if it comes at the cost of others. And Adrien will honestly not know how to deal with that. Even his friends, while they may not necessarily LIKE Felix, won’t exactly jump on board with Adrien’s complaints towards him. This will make Felix not someone Adrien can ignore or dismiss and not someone who can be convinced by his idealistic perceptions of right and wrong.

This will ultimately become a matter of honesty and assertiveness VS safety and complacency, which is Adrien’s biggest problem. And Adrien is going to have to find a way to address that, especially as Felix calls him out on things and shows he isn’t always right. This will especially become important if Adrien turns to Ladybug regarding the situation to get her take on matters only to have her note where Felix has a point.

That’s how I see Felix aiding Adrien’s growth. Just having one person who doesn’t accept Adrien’s behavior or speeches, who can’t be charmed, who cannot be convinced to see things his way, and who will not conform to Adrien’s expectations. Because that’s not how the world works.

At least, that’s my perception. I hope that makes sense.

[cadwaladerswan]

Updated on 2 January at 4:11 p.m. ET

Right until the end of his life last Wednesday, Ben Barres made it his business to champion the unsung.

While most of his fellow neuroscientists studied neurons, the branching cells that carry electrical signals through the brain, Barres focused his attention on another group of cells called glia. Even though they equal neurons in number, glia were long dismissed as the brain’s support crew—there simply to provide nutrients or structural scaffolding.* But Barres showed that glia are stars in their own right. They help neurons to mature, producing the connections that are the basis for learning and memory, and then pruning those connections so that the most useful ones remain.

In showing how important glia are, Barres revolutionized our understanding of the brain. That alone would have been enough to secure a spot in science’s hall of fame. But the outpouring of adulation that followed his passing, at the age of 63 from pancreatic cancer, was as much about his generosity of spirit as it was about his force of intellect.

Barres was a great scientist, yes, but also a scientist who made it possible for others to be great. He went out of his way to mentor young scientists. He actively stepped out of the way of his trainees so they could blaze their own trails without having to compete with him. And he spent the final days of his life writing and updating dozens of letters of recommendations for his trainees. “He was very sick, but he valiantly worked through these letters and completed every single one of them with utmost care,” says Cagla Eroglu from Duke University. “From the first day in his lab until his death, Ben always cared about my success as if it was his own.”

As news of his death spread through Twitter, his peers called him a “singularity,” a “titan,” and a “moral compass,” who leaves behind a “towering legacy of goodness.” They spoke of unprompted acts of meaningful kindness. “I knocked on his door as a first-year and Ben Barres stayed an hour late to give me advice about women and medicine,” said Natalia Birgisson, a medical student at Stanford University. “I once invited Ben Barres to speak to young LGBT scientists. I sent the email at 11 p.m. and he responded in 10 minutes, agreeing to speak and refusing the honorarium,” said Trevor Sorrells from Rockefeller University. “I interviewed for grad school with Ben Barres and he stopped mid-interview to call another school and advocate on my behalf,” said Alycia Mosley Austin from the University of Rhode Island. As Kay Tye from MIT succinctly said: “Ben Barres was a role model for role models.”

Beyond direct mentorship, Barres repeatedly spoke up for groups who have been historically marginalized in the sciences, including women, minorities, and LGBTQ+ people. He would repeatedly talk about the biases and systemic barriers that keep such groups from succeeding in their careers, often raising the topic in the middle of keynote talks about glia. “Since I have you all trapped on the top of this mountain ... I would like to talk about the many barriers women face in science,” he once told neuroscientists at a conference in Lake Arrowhead.

He most famously talked about those barriers in a searing 2006 opinion piece, published in the prestigious journal Nature. In it, he lambasted several academics for suggesting that “women are not advancing in science because of innate inability,” and spoke of the actual reason for their hindrance: discrimination, both conscious and unconscious.

Barres amassed data and evidence to support his stance, but he also spoke from experience. Born in 1954, he transitioned in 1997 at the age of 43. Before then, as an MIT undergraduate, he solved a hard math problem that had befuddled the rest of his virtually all-male class, only for his professor to suggest that his boyfriend must have done the work. As a Ph.D. student, he lost a fellowship competition to a male peer who had published a sixth as many papers. And as a Stanford professor who had recently transitioned, he heard a faculty member say, “Ben Barres gave a great seminar today, but then his work is much better than his sister’s.”

“By far, the main difference that I have noticed is that people who don’t know I am transgendered treat me with much more respect,” he wrote in Nature. “I can even complete a whole sentence without being interrupted by a man.”

By openly writing about his experiences, Barres made it easier for other female academics to talk about sexism. “As a woman in science, everyone has this feeling that something’s not right, but it’s hard to put that into words in a way that’s compelling to men,” says Carolyn Bertozzi, one of his colleagues at Stanford. “Ben was one of the few people who did the control experiment—what would have happened in a parallel universe where you changed just one variable. [His experiences] were harder for other men to deny.”

As an openly transgender scientist, and the first to be elected to the National Academy of Sciences, Barres also acted as a role model for other trans scientists. “You can’t put a value on it,” says Bertozzi. “The mere existence of Ben Barres—a successful, brilliant, undeniably high-impact scientist who was unashamed and so graceful in demystifying what being transgender means ... he saved lives, I’m sure. Thanks to him, there are countless people who looked in the mirror and said: There’s a place for me in this world.”

Kale Edmiston from the Vanderbilt University Medical Center certainly feels that way. Barres, he told me, took time to meet with him at the biggest annual neuroscience conference, and periodically checked in on him as he finished his Ph.D. “He just radiated encouragement and positivity,” Edmiston said. “At the time we were the only out transgender neuroscientists that we knew of. Trailblazers like Ben made it possible for me to be where I am today.”

Barres blazed similar trails in neuroscience, elevating the long-marginalized glia and forcing other researchers to recognize their value. As a student, he figured out how to isolate and grow them. As a professor, he and his protégés showed that glia govern the life and death of synapses—the connections that transmit signals between individual neurons. Without glia, neurons can’t form mature synapses. And one especially common group of glia, the star-shaped astrocytes, will occasionally devour synapses entirely. Perhaps by keeping the useful synapses and pruning away the useless ones, the glia underlie the brain’s ever-changing nature, and its ability to reshape its circuits to learn from new experiences.

Most recently, Barres’s team, led by postdoc Shane Liddelow, showed that astrocytes can turn fully to the dark side and start killing injured neurons and other glia. These dark astrocytes are more common in degenerative brain diseases like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, multiple sclerosis, and Lou Gehrig’s disease. Barres described that discovery, published while he was undergoing chemo for his cancer, as the most important his lab had ever made. Perhaps glia are behind the destructive symptoms of these conditions. Perhaps they might even point the way to new treatments—the very goal that lured Barres into neuroscience in the first place.

“I’m really not too bothered about dying,” he told Discover magazine in late 2017. “What’s frustrating is that there are so many things I won’t be able to work on. There are so many things I wanted to know.” But scientists contribute to the world not just through their own work, but through the people they train—and Barres knew that better than most. What he didn’t get to personally learn may eventually be discovered by his students, his postdocs, his colleagues, and the people who felt they had a place in science because of his actions.

His trainees see themselves as a family, says Beth Stevens, a former postdoc now at Harvard University. “We will go to bat for each other just as Ben has done so many times for us—a promise we made to Ben that we all intend to keep,” she says. “We will continue to have our annual Barres lab family dinners, traditionally celebrated at the Society for Neuroscience meeting, in his honor for many years to come.”

“Whatever he touched, he left better than when he found it,” adds Bertozzi.

Source: X

[anislandintime]

I think to quit and exit is the only way left, the only way out.

Life has let me down again and each time when I have told myself it cant be worse than this, life has taken it up as a challenge and proven me wrong. Things have been just getting worse and worse. It feels like life is just laughing at me. I feel ridiculed by life.

When GF came to meet SB, it felt so nice. She had taken a bus during the pandemic travelling for 15-16 hrs just to meet him. They were meeting for the first time. Her plan was to stay for a week but ended up staying for three weeks. They had a good time. When she arrived SB told her that he decided to give their relationship a chance only after I suggested him to give it a chance and let his guards down. Both thanked me greatly. Well, while I am happy for them, I dont understand why things had to just go wrong for me in the relationship I pursued in a similar fashion?

UB came to stay with us for a night when K’s roommate’s parents were in town. That night over a long conversation he mentioned of how J’s toxic friendship had affected him deeply and its impact was seen in eroded ability to trust and connect with people. All of this, he said, changed only when K came into his life.

Life, please tell me why do you give solution and liberation to all except me? I am unable to tell how the narcissistic abuse of ND has crippled me from within. I neither get a healing touch nor do I find a shoulder to cry on. Worse, I dont even find words to explain what is happening to me. I continue to suffer in silence with absolutely no hope of recovering ever.

UB also got the job, that I too had applied for. I was instrumental in him finally getting into this stream. Now he has gotten the job I am desperately in need of. He too was aiming for it. But given his cultural capital he could have opted for another job and he had the luxury to stretch his hand and leg in those directions, which I clearly dont have. But he wants a life of comfort. Hence he is seeking this one. It is isnt crime to seek comfort. But what is a life of comfort and ease for him is my hope for a sustainable life for I do not have the cultural capital to reach out to anything else. I think I am going to be bankrupt soon, with no job in hand and no projects coming my way.

SG texted saying she and ID are getting married next month. When I saw the text, I literally jumped off my seat and gave a punch in the air. I can never forget how SG had wept uncontrollably by the sea one evening recollecting how her extended family had beaten her, her parents and her sisters when they found out that her eldest sister was dating a Christian. The memories of it haunted her every time she thought of telling her parents about ID. But now, she says her parents and sister are fully supportive of her and she doesnt care what the extended family thinks. She sounded very happy and I am happy for her.

Such news make me unbelievably happy. But at night when I finally switch off all the lights and try going to sleep... There is only one question which comes down like a lightening and strikes me hard. WHY DOESNT ANYTHING GOOD HAPPEN TO ME EVER? WHY LOVE IS SO ELUSIVE? WHY PROFESSIONAL SUCCESS OR SUCCESS IN RELATIONSHIP PERPETUALLY ABSENT IN MY LIFE?

Mother is unwell. Father is unwell. The times when Mother was hospitalized drained me out completely. I dont know how will I manage all this, with no support- physically and even emotionally- and also with no income. To add to these, my own mental health is collapsing. The severe damage caused by ND’s narcissistic abuse has made me perpetually nervous, anxious and also feel perpetually threatened. By what, from whom- no clarity. But I constantly feel I am under threat and I am about to be attacked. I feel severely insecure and unsafe. The abuse has left me in a state where I am unable to trust anyone and I feel disconnect from everything and everyone. All of these has made it difficult for me to even speak of what I am going through, to friends or even to strangers. I cant trust anyone anymore. I feel uneasy throughout. Is this what they call as PTSD? I dont know. What did I do to deserve all these? All I did was love this girl and see only goodness in her. And it turns out that she only abused me, manipulated me, exploited me and even without me realizing it, fractured my soul and destroyed me. She even had the audacity to repeatedly text me asking how my mother is doing. Wonder where she got to know about it from. I wouldnt be surprised if AN was the source of news for her. That idiot of a friend who took pleasure in turning my pain, my suffering into a spectacle- something to derive entertainment from! How foolish of me to have trusted him for so long as a friend! Was it him or was it AG? I dont know. I dont know who to trust anymore. Why did ND repeatedly text me? Even call me! She also sent a mail. I did not bother replying to the texts or even the mail. Did not answer the calls. I did not want to have any form of communication with her, especially after that accusatory mail she sent when I shared with her a paper, which I thought would be useful to her. She made it sound like I was being intrusive and pushy and also unwelcome. Later she doesnt mind repeatedly texting me, calling me. Had I called or even texted her, she would have brought down the sky screaming and shouting and unleashing violence on me. But when she does it, it is to be perceived as an act of kindness and concern. Even if it is done just so that she can convince herself that she is kind and concerned and not because she actually has any concern. What a performative life she leads; where she lies to herself and believes in her own lies! She is more interested in coming across as  a good human than becoming a good human. When I did not reply to her texts or mails and when I did not answer her calls, she made AS- her friend- call me, text me. When his father was unwell earlier in the year, I used to check up on his father’s health condition often and also extend my moral support to him. And he chooses to become a ‘flying monkey’ to a narcissist? Or may be he doesnt know of the ways in which his friend caused hurt and wound to me and the core of my being. I abruptly ended the conversation when he called me from an unknown number. I did not return the call as I promised. He texted me later on. I replied to it after a day or two. He doesnt bother replying to that. But then ND calls me. I dont know why after some days I felt I was holding grudge like ND does and in order to be not like ND, I decided to reply to her mail and I did. She doesnt bother to reply to that. Probably she was satisfied knowing that the person who she wronged and damaged, doesnt mind replying to her; which helps her showcase the world and make herself believe that she isnt a bad person and more importantly she has control over the people she has abused also. So no reply. She persistently called and texted to make herself believe that she is not ignored, not neglected. Once she gets to know that the other person, though wronged and hurt by her, still writes back to her, she is more than happy; her ego is boosted and she goes back to her silence, her way of showing her power and her control. She constantly says how abusive her father is. I dont know him but from whatever I know of him through her, I must say that if at all he endorses his way of being, then he must be super proud of her daughter for she has outsmarted him in becoming abusive, toxic, exploitative and harmful. If at all ND rejects her father’s ways of being, then she must also be disgusted by herself and must not forgive herself ever because she has been no less to her father in being abusive, toxic and exploitative. I replied to her mail not because I wanted to strike a conversation but because I did not want to become like her. So, I also wrote her a mail after few days when TV news spoke of floods in her ancestral town.  Immediately she texted me on WhatsApp, in an extremely friendly tone. I replied to that in a cold tone because I did not know how she would react. When I replied in a friendly manner to her query about my mother’s health, she went silent. When I had earlier replied elaborately to her mail spelling out how SN had plagiarized her thoughts, my long mail expressing solidarity and offering understanding was responded to with silence and later an accusatory mail! Even when in July she called wanting to clear things and sort things, when I spelled out what hurt me, she not just swung sword of words at me but also made it sound like I was the one causing hurt and told me that her therapist had advised her to stay away from me, as if I was the one hurting her! Any way, after telling me that she wants to disconnect from me, she texted me within an hour asking if she can check on me once in a while. When I responded to that in a friendly manner, saying we should probably together meet a therapist as suggested by her, she replied in an extremely hurtful way and arrogant way saying her ONLY problem in life was me! After that she blocked me on WhatsApp. Every time I have tried to be friendly with her she only attacks and accuses. Her constant flips and backflips are mindfucking and toxic. I dont know how to deal with her, nor do I know how to heal from the aftereffects of the trauma she caused... and also, I dont know how to deal with the love and compassion I still have for her somewhere deep inside of me. I hate myself for this.

Life, please be kind to me and end your relation with me this very night. I do not wish to wake up tomorrow morning. Please leave me. I wont hold you accountable at the door of death. But I beg you, please let me die and leave me. I am done. I am tired. All I sought in my entire life was some genuine love and some real deep connections. Even that was not made available to me, even if in a small percentage. I certainly deserved a better life. But it is okay, I wont complain. Now, I want to take the exit door and leave. I am tired. This pain, this loneliness, this suffering... all are just unbearable now. Death, please do not be like life. Please embrace me. Hold me in your arms and take me with you. Tonight.

[ramajmedia]

MCU: 7 Times Pepper & Tony Were The Best Couple (& 3 Times They Should’ve Broken Up)

As far as A-list couples in the Marvel Cinematic Universe go, Pepper and Tony are at the top. They were the go-to couple fans rooted for in a series that hasn’t focused much on the romance aspect. Now that Tony has died, it makes this coupling one that went the distance, as they got married and had a child.

RELATED: 10 Hilarious Thanos Memes Only Titans Would Love

Since everyone is fond of Pepper and Tony (or “Pepperony”), it’s always worth checking out the best moments these two had in the MCU. Then again, let’s not forget those few times where we were surprised they didn’t break up because of one thing or another. Here are 7 times we think this couple was the best, and 3 times breaking up would’ve been better.

10 Broken Up: When Tony Put Pepper In Danger

In every other movie, you would have seen the protagonist break up with his love interest because he didn’t want to put her in danger; we’ve seen this in stuff like Harry Potter and The Amazing Spider-Man series, among others - but Tony isn’t that kind of a guy.

RELATED: 10 Marvel Logic Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words

It was because of his own doing that his house was attacked in Iron Man 3 as he outright gave away his address and invited an attack. Making good on that, the villain proceeded to destroy the house, with Pepper almost becoming one of the casualties. Had she died, it would have been squarely on Tony’s shoulders, and it’s a wonder why she didn’t break up with him right after.

9 Best: Staying With Tony Through His PTSD

Staying around Tony was quite a task in Iron Man 3 as he was riddled with numerous anxiety problems. After coming back through the wormhole in The Avengers, Tony got obsessed with creating suits because of a PTSD problem.

RELATED: Spider-Man: Far From Home: 10 Best Memes The Internet Has Given Us

You wouldn’t realize it, but it was because Pepper stayed with him around this time that kept Tony close to sanity. We saw him lose it due to multiple attacks throughout the movie, and Pepper’s support is the one good thing he had going for him at the time. This was the kind of unconditional love that made Pepper the only person who understood Tony.

8 Best: When Tony Tried To Win Her Back

On his part, Tony wasn’t a complete screw-up either. It took him a little while to realize if he was being a jerk, but he always got around to making up for it. Even though his attempt at making up to Pepper didn’t work out in Iron Man 2, the scene where he got her strawberries was sweet nonetheless.

RELATED: Avengers: 10 Hilarious Endgame Logic Memes That Make Professor Hulk Laugh

Here, Tony went all out to try and get Pepper to forgive him for being a kind of a jerk, and this was a kind of gesture he normally never made. It was just Pepper getting this more sensitive side of Tony out of him, which was a big deal considering Tony is a guy who only does what he wants.

7 Best: When Tony Proposed To Her

After about a decade together, we finally got to see these two become engaged to be married. And it went about in a lovely way too, as Tony made a very on-brand proposal, one that only Pepper could appreciate.

RELATED: 5 Alternate Versions Of Spider-Man We Hope To See In The Spider-Verse Sequel (& 5 We Don’t)

Since Peter Parker refused to join the Avengers, Tony had nothing to show the media for the unveiling of the new team member he had planned; realizing he needed something just as big, he decided to pop the question to Pepper in public. It was a flawless display of their understanding that things went without a hitch in what was sure to be the best proposal in the MCU.

6 Broken Up: Tony's Part In Creating Ultron

This was the one thing that almost broke them up. Tony’s refusal to listen to others nearly caused global extinction. As it happened, Tony created Ultron, who turned out to be a genocidal maniac, causing Pepper to put their relationship on a break because he was too much of a “handful.”

RELATED: Sam Raimi's Spider-Man Trilogy: 10 Questions We Still Want Answered

We can’t blame her either, as all of it could have been avoided had Tony discussed his plans with Pepper. Surely enough, Pepper would have talked him out of creating Ultron, but his avoidance of the topic must have made Pepper feel as if Tony saw her as a hurdle rather than a partner.

5 Best: Pepper Tolerating Tony In General

This isn’t just one instance but everything about their relationship. For all his bravado and coolness, Tony turned out to be rather friendless for the most part. That would be because of how pushed people away from him, making Pepper the special someone because she kept tolerating his quirks.

When you put his actions down on paper, Tony was just about the best human being there was, but this didn’t strike people because of his brash demeanor. Only Pepper truly saw him as the selfless man he was inside.

4 Best: When Tony Recorded His Message

In what he thought were his final moments, Tony turned toward the person he loved. Having nothing but the endless blackness of space to look out at, Tony imagined talking to Pepper to give him solace in what was easily the most harrowing experience. 

RELATED: Thor 4: 10 Things We Want To See

Even though she wasn’t actually there, it didn’t matter because Tony found comfort in relaying the things he wanted to say to her. He got the closure a dying man wants, although it was a relief he ended up getting rescued. But you just know when he was close to death, he had Pepper in his thoughts.

3 Best: When Pepper Encouraged Him For The Time Heist

If you think about it, Pepper was the reason why the universe was saved in Avengers: Endgame. Tony had earlier turned down the Avengers’ request to create the Time Travel GPS, but it was Pepper’s encouragement that made him reconsider.

RELATED: 10 Questions We Have About The MCU That Thor 4 Could Resolve

Although she acknowledged that they got lucky in the Snap and still led a happy life, she made Tony realize that most of the people in the universe were still in mourning. This was the final reminder to the audience that Pepper was Tony’s moral compass. That’s the point of a good couple; the two should bring the best out of each other.

2 Broken Up: When Tony Put Her In Danger Again

Once more, it’s a wonder how Pepper still remained with Tony after it was his rivalry with Killian that nearly killed her. In order to get back at Tony, Killian had the Extremis virus put into Pepper. 

This caused Potts to develop the fire-based powers that had killed many others, and although she made the most out of it to use it to kill Killian, it doesn’t change the fact that Tony’s actions against Killian were responsible for putting Pepper in a fatal situation. Had she wanted nothing to do with Tony’s dangerous life anymore, nobody would have held it against her.

1 Best: When Pepper Recognized He Had A Heart

This might be their greatest moment because it happened when they weren’t even close to becoming a romantic couple, but illustrated that they were emotionally a couple already. In Iron Man, people assumed the worst in Tony due to being a weapons manufacturer, and then seemingly losing it because he suddenly stopped manufacturing weapons. 

It was Pepper who got Tony to be encouraged that he was on the right path when she gave him his original arc reactor. This served as a reminder to Tony that he was capable of being the best, and he did go out and be the best man there ever was.

NEXT: 10 Things That Make No Sense About Two And A Half Men 

source https://screenrant.com/mcu-tony-stark-pepper-potts-best-couple-broken-up/

[obscuraxrp]

The smoke settles to reveal SONG MINKWANG, a 28 year old ghoul of Sunseong. He is a DSEM-affiliated hunter who appears to be adept in dagger combat and aura shaping -- but like most things in Sunseong, there seems to be more to him than meets the eye.

FACECLAIM: Lee Minhyuk (BTOB)

BIOGRAPHY:

The start of Minkwang’s story is common enough: a poor family, parents who probably shouldn’t have had a child to take care of, much less two. His parents are distant, occupied with other matters that Minkwang isn’t old enough to understand; they are not cruel, not most days, but they offer him little support to lean on. He takes it upon himself from the moment she’s born to protect his little sister, to be the kind of oppa she can rely on – if she has no one else, then at least she’ll have him. He blends in among the other troubled children, just another kid with eyes too hard for his age and a little too much anger boiling in his veins, but he doesn’t act out enough to warrant any special note. The few times his parents get calls they just shrug them off – it’s almost always him protecting his sister anyway, and what’s so wrong about that, even if it ends up with blood on Minkwang’s knuckles?

The circumstances that find them disappearing when he’s only in middle school are too odd to be anything but magical – there’s blood, but no trace, nothing anyone can do, and it makes Minkwang angry. It’s not that he’ll miss them, these people he had such a blood-wrought yet meaningless tie to, but that he can’t do anything as he is – that he fears for the teary-eyed young girl who cowers behind him as a cold-eyed man approaches him with a proposition: start hunting.

Hunting. It’s a strange idea to a boy who’s never heard much of magic outside of playground whispers – now being told that his parents are gone because of something supernatural, that he can do something about this. It’s a nice idea on principle, protecting others from this kind of thing, even if it doesn’t really resonate for him – what’s a much nicer idea, he finds, is that he and his sister will have somewhere to live. The choice seems obvious, perhaps moreso than it should be; he takes the offer and starts training with DSEM.

Something about hunting clicks with Minkwang, the visceral way it occupies his body and channels his aggression into something meaningful – and a level head gets him a long way, too. He doesn’t shy at the sight of blood, doesn’t flinch in the face of danger – something about him, emotionally stunted but stubbornly determined, fits into this role as naturally as anything. His sister trains, too, though it doesn’t suit her quite like it suits him; Minkwang doesn’t like it, not when he’s trying to do this to protect her in the first place, but he’s not quite stubborn enough to stop her.

While he’s doing routine checks one day, now an adult (if barely), he meets a man named Eunhyuk – a tattoo artist with a smile like sunshine and a laugh that can even make Minkwang soften. Eunhyuk is a witch, as Minkwang finds soon enough, but Minkwang doesn’t find it worthwhile to report that; he decides for himself not to obey his organization’s policies in favor of following his own moral compass this time. As the months go by they grow close, and Eunhyuk ends up giving Minkwang more than one new tattoo, some imbued with magic and some not; Minkwang realizes more and more, from being around this first friend who’s really made him feel so at ease, that there’s really no difference between himself and those that he’s hunted – that the goal he’s been standing for isn’t one he can agree with, even if he’s never so much as questioned it before.

Minkwang resigns from DSEM the same day as Eunhyuk puts the scarification wards on his arms – wards his organization surely would’ve frowned upon for their complexity and outside source, but Minkwang finds them far more charming than any of his less glaring ones. His sister isn’t sure what to think of it, but stays behind – and yet again, Minkwang doesn’t stop her. Within the next few days, once the scars have healed, he joins up with Aequitas instead, not willing to give up the only lifestyle he knows, but unable to continue under a banner that would see someone he’s come to love dead.

Life continues on, with him and Eunhyuk as friends, with his sister still in contact despite the growing and awkward barrier to communication between them; Minkwang takes up a day job and hunts on the nights, adapting to a new pattern that makes him feel at ease in a way he’d never quite realized that he didn’t before. And for a time, things are fine – if he’d had it his way, things would’ve never changed, but such fortunes are rarely afforded to anyone.

Eunhyuk disappears one day.

It’s just like what happened with his parents, perhaps stranger than that even – he’s just gone, like he hadn’t ever been there, like Minkwang had just imagined him for all these years. But he’s sharper than he was back then and he cares far more, so he digs into the matter, investigates in every way he knows to eventually turn up that Eunhyuk’s alive – so naturally, Minkwang pursues the trail, even when others in the guild warn him that he shouldn’t go chasing wild threads alone. He isn’t exactly good at asking for help, all things considered.

He finds Eunhyuk to his great relief, but something isn’t right – something about how he acts, like his warmth is dimmed out, but the warning signs aren’t enough to keep Minkwang from being lead straight into a trap. He fights back, but he’s one hunter against too many vampires – some others from the guild come a few steps behind, and the last thing Minkwang quite remembers before everything went dark is Eunhyuk falling limp – like a puppet with his strings cut, the horribly apt metaphor rings loud in his mind.

Minkwang awakens to a room with classy decor that he can only describe as stifling, silver shackles on his wrists – a woman eyeing him as another explains the situation, words Minkwang can’t quite process through his headache. He’ll realize later that Eunhyuk had been in thrall, that that was why he acted so strangely – that he’d been a casualty of the situation, where they’d planned to have Minkwang as well, but now only had one of the two. The woman seems disappointed, yet she takes it in stride – she forces her blood-soaked fingers into Minkwang’s throat, and everything after that is a haze.

He remembers thralldom, yes, but it’s all strange – a blur of blood and surrender and fangs that give pleasure more than pain, of euphoric highs and a forced devotion the depths of which he can’t begin to explain. That year and a half fades together, torment and euphoria and emptiness all at once – until the point when something grips at his chest and he feels like he’s breaking from the inside out, the moment when he realizes that his domitor is dead.

Minkwang remembers a cell next, a slow process of coming back to sanity while kept inside facilities he realizes soon enough have to be DSEM’s – a place he didn’t wish to return to, yet here he is again. Reality is here, all the cruel and strange things that have happened – the scars on his arms he can’t possibly be rid of, proof that if nothing else, he couldn’t have possibly hallucinated Eunhyuk, nor his death.

The officials offer him a deal, a new proposition: he can use this bizarre half-state he’s in, being a ghoul, to hunt, to help clean up the mess that woman – his domitor – left behind. Minkwang gets the idea that it isn’t quite that simple and kind of an offer – they’re keeping him on a leash, not that he blames them in light of what ghouldom means, but they want to make use of him. If he refuses, he’s likely to just be called a danger and killed off – he decides not to take the risk, if only because he feels a bit responsible for helping, if only because he doesn’t want to go through the pain of being rid of this. He feels weak, but he doesn’t have it in him to take any other path – not as he is.

It’s not a situation he much likes – a short leash and a collar with a time bomb on it – but it’s better than being cooped up a cell that doesn’t feel all that different from the Queen’s manor, he keeps telling himself.

CHARACTERIZATION:

Minkwang is a stubborn man who prefers actions to words, speaking in short, gruff sentences when he must. He’s bitter toward himself as much as anything else, always tired in a way that sleep doesn’t fix; the loss of someone dear to him weighs him down, and his own failure in becoming a thrall does so even more heavily. He resents himself for remaining as a ghoul yet can’t find the strength to break free of the addiction, which he resents himself for all the more, especially in those moments of weakness where he again succumbs to the bloodlust and the urge to submit that’s been written into his psyche. That resentment hangs around him like miasma, making him feel lost in spite of having some semblance of freedom for the first time in over a year and a half -- a semblance, yes, but one far out of reach, and he knows he’ll never be able to return to the life he knew before even if he does manage to break every layer of his shackles, which only leaves him more unsure of his footing in the world.

Minkwang is aggressive, but not angry; he may be bitter, but his ire almost never burns hot enough to reach the surface. He doesn’t believe in revenge, saying that the fire it gives isn’t sustainable; he follows his moral compass and his sense of duty first, his deep-seated wish to protect those who can’t protect themselves -- even if he’s rarely good at actually doing this. He believes in letting everyone follow their own path despite his desire to protect; when these things come to odds, he usually errs on the side of stepping back and letting others choose their fates for themselves. Minkwang isn’t good at exposing his emotions or communicating clearly, but that doesn’t change that he cares, especially about younger hunters and supernaturals he meets. He has a special soft spot for witches, and a bit of a bittersweet softness in his tone when he talks about them.

Minkwang loves a good fight, possibly even prefers swinging his fists to words, but he won’t resort to violence without reason. Despite his harsh demeanor, he’s actually quite level-headed and relaxed most times, even a bit warm if you really look for that. He smokes heavily and sleeps even more so; he’s got a permanent unpleasant scowl on his face, but his rare smiles are soft and endearing for it. He’s terribly ashamed to be seen after “feeding”, in the state he disparagingly calls “blood-drunk” -- even as often as it has to happen, Minkwang still holds an intense distaste for others seeing the side effects of his ghouldom. Still, he’s happy enough to use himself as an example -- and a warning -- to anyone who isn’t aware of what his “kind” are.

SPECIALTIES:

Dagger Proficiency, Rank II (40 points): Minkwang’s preferred weapon for hunting (aside from his wards) is a dagger. He is skilled enough with it that inexperienced supernaturals will find him difficult to fight back against, though those with some combat training can keep up with him; his enhanced condition by way of ghouldom is his ace in the hole, these days, which plays into his combat abilities to make him more powerful than expected. However, he faces the irritating side effect that directly touching the blade of his silver dagger saps his energy, so it remains a double-edged sword.

Aura Shaping, Rank II (40 points): The scars that decorate Minkwang’s forearms act as wards that shape his internal magic into an external aura. The aura glows pale red and is hot to the touch, resembling flames though it does not leave burns.

Defensive: The aura is strongest around the wards which shape it; when the aura is active, Minkwang is able to block attacks with his arms and suffer less damage for them than would be expected. This only works when blocking with his arms and does not act as a perfect defense; Minkwang will still feel the effects of repeated attacks, especially as each successive defense causes his energy to drain and his aura to weaken, and there are some which he will not be able to block this way at all.

Offensive: The aura channels itself into Minkwang’s attacks, whether with his bare hands or a weapon, and lends them a certain fiery quality which causes intense burning pain (though does not leave actual burns behind). Letting his aura channel into his attacks will cause it to drain, and Minkwang does have a limited pool of energy to work with for these attacks.

Short Range: With intense focus, Minkwang can concentrate his aura into a “burst” of hot magical energy that can travel a few feet before dissipating. This burst takes a devastating amount of energy to channel but can be highly destructive to any objects in its path, as well as very painful to anyone that is hit by it. Utilizing the burst more than a handful of times in a single round of combat will completely exhaust Minkwang’s energy, however, so this ability must be used sparingly.

Ward Against Fae Madness, Minor (5 points): The only one of Minkwang's old hunter wards that still works, for whatever reason, exists as a dreamcatcher tattoo on his ribcage. This ward traps and collects ambient fae magic that would otherwise run a risk of causing fae madness for Minkwang. It doesn't affect the fae or anyone else around him or protect them from being influenced, but it provides a sort of "sink" for fae magic that would otherwise affect him. It does have a limited capacity that can be filled by either spending a deal of time around a fae or by a fae specifically attempting to fae-strike him for a period of more than a few minutes -- the ward is intended to protect Minkwang in short encounters while hunting fae, not for an extended period of time. It takes time, usually a few days, for the ward to dissipate the magic it absorbs and regain its full functionality after it has been "filled".

Unassigned: 15 points

Minkwang has a few other tattoos that were formerly wards -- however, becoming a ghoul has caused them to become ineffective.