#I NEED TO WRITE TWO ESSAYS IVE LITERALLY ALREADY HAD 4 WEEKS TO DO IT

[wings-of-angels]

The executive dysfunction is going hard today 😔

[dreamsafterhours]

college boyfriend!markhyuk au series: III (donghyuk's pathway)

a universe in which roommates!markhyuk meet each other's s/o in class

markhyuk are roommates, my/n and dy/n are roommates, mark and dy/n take classes together and so do donghyuk and my/n — how will their fates intertwine?

genre: fluff pairings: mark+my/n (fem), donghyuk+dy/n (fem), platonic!mark+dy/n, platonic!donghyuk+my/n format: dotpoint AU universe: non idol, college bf warning: some swearing

masterlist

or click here to meet your soulmate, eng lit!mark!

II ⇤ | III | ⇥ IV

III: 별빛이 내린다 샤라랄라랄라라 (2+2=4)

the meeting of two souls: donghyuk & dy/n

welcome! back and to the next part

in which things actually happen! yay

so. up until this point

it’s been quite obvious i hope

that this is the one where The Soulmates Meet™

and this one right here is the one where donghyuk meets his future wifenew best (not) friend

dammit this is a set plot with SET relationships

yeah

major spoilers for future parts but hey :) y’all know it i know it let’s just.

let’s get to it!!

that day you accidentally sleep in after a late night and walk into your lecture looking pretty trashier than you would normally a few weeks into the first sem and you’re already tired it’s okay bby aww

and mark suggests skipping the next lecture and going for coffee instead

you’re like ok lmfao free coffee for me yay thanks marcus i owe you one

and to make up for the lecture he suggests he join you and your roommate with his own roommate in the library later that day to study the material you’d missed out on

so you’re like sweet study group hell yeah and apparently his roommate is also in biomed like your roommate? hey they might get along pretty well it’d be nice to have roommates in the same faculty hey

little do you know you little cutie you uwu

mark takes you to a cafe to buy you your favourite drink and a croissant bc you skipped breakfast again and he cares about his friends ok plus he was eyeing that donut next to the savoury menu in the glass cabinet and he would have felt bad if he got something to eat and you didn’t

you sit down, sipping your drink at the window seats and wishing your fatigue away

laughing with mark about what you slept so late for

my/n had been ranting about her love life again or perhaps lack thereof,,

don’t worry tho

after you’d gotten her to sleep, you’d gotten major feels for an essay question that you’d been tasked with due in a week but you hadn’t touched it until last night

staring at the prompt for at least half an hour trying to get your head around it and wondering what the hell you’d write about

but like they say

starting is half of it

so when you start spinning your words and getting into the writing mood

you accidentally wrote an entire draft without realising

albeit being full of loose ends and points you need to refine, etc., it was a decent body of work that you’d tackle for a few more nights before turning in

a skeleton, you’d called it

“a skeleton?”

“yeah. next thing i need to do is.. flesh it out”

“.. literally”

cue mark’s small pause

/inhale/

/MANIACAL LAUGHTER/

you know how mark’s laugh is very how do i put this into words hm dictated

you can HEAR each HA and they’re separate syllables yet sometimes they can vary in tone and length right it’s usually the more consistent HAs before he kinda loses it and starts throwing himself around

it was that laugh

honestly man finds everything funny his laughing threshold seems so low

and no matter how unfunny you are he WILL laugh at anything you say

and you’ve been doing it a lot lately

you could say literally any random thing and he’d already be ready to laugh (see Figure 1.1)

Figure 1.1

you: /snort/

mark, already giggling: “what”

you, still sniggering: /touches his elbow/ “arm knee”

mark: /inhale/ gotta live and breathe that oxygen

mark: HAHAHAHAhahAhaHAHAhahAhHa (decrescendo.. cRESCENDO)

^ that but looped, with intermittent slaps to your arm

anyways you never fail to make him fall out of his chair in laughter

but enough of that. dy/n is donghyuk’s y/n for a REASON ahEM

so after you finish up your breakfast at the cafe you go back to your dorm to take a power nap and recharge before your library session you were going to stay awake but mark forces you to take a nap and you’re like bro you just fed me caffeine now you want me to sleep??

then he tells you he ordered your drink decaf

you turn to him real slow

“.. you sick traitor. how dare you besmirch my name so. you scorn my forefathers and our dependence on the holy bean’s juices. betrayal runs rampant in your soul and mine stands at the mercy of your choices, them informed by the devil himself”

mark: /shrug/ “placebo effect yeet. hey, it worked for a bit. now you should really go home and get your sleep”

and he drags you back to your dorm and waves you off before going to his next class

you’re lowkey grateful for it tho when you take a shower and collapse onto your bed, falling asleep in what you think could be half the time you usually take

dreaming about losing your airpods and mark yelling at you to be more careful and then you two fighting bc you’d just lost your $300 bean sprouts but you could have sworn he took them

then police sirens went off out of nowhere and both of you were being arrested for assault and thievery

why you were the one being arrested, you had no idea but it’s a dream nothing follows the guidelines of hard reality anyway

just as you’re about to be handcuffed, you think to yourself, nope. i have a library session to attend. ain’t nobody got time for this shit

and you just

wake up

but the sirens are still continuing?? so you’re like ? is my building surrounded

they’ve come for me

even though you haven’t exactly broken any laws or have you

and you realise it was the alarm you’d set in time to get ready for your library session

so you grab your stuff and leave for the library, double checking with your roommate over text to make sure she was on her way

her lab class was taking longer than usual so she tells you she’ll be 10 or so minutes late

so you tell her you’ll be saving a seat for her and call mark to let him know you’re on your way to the library

“oh i’m already here lol. alright, i’m waiting for you outside”

and sure enough, you see him leaning on the wall of the entrance, eyes on his phone

you consider calling out to him but before you actually do, he glances up and spots you walking over tf do you have psychic spatial awareness mark

smiles and takes his corded earphones out

“you seriously need to upgrade those”

“they work fine”

“nop i’m getting you airpods for your birthday”

“dUdE thEy’RE tOo ExPEnSiVe. nO dUDE NoO”

“nOP. i’m GOING to buy you EXPENSIVE BEAN SPROUTS for your LIFE DEBUT ANNIVERSARY and you CAN’T STOP ME”

at this point i should just put /MANIACAL LAUGHTER/ and you should know what laugh i’m referring to

/MARK LEE’S MANIACAL LAUGHTER/

/MLML/ for short

nvm it’s fine it’s kinda fun to type /MANIACAL LAUGHTER/

literally mark laughs in bolded italics i’m just sad i can’t underline it on tumblr unless it’s a link lmfao

n e ways

i digress

you shush him because you’re about to walk into the library

“qUIET DOWN marcus” turn that sh down for quiet new dawn

the library is almost full for the day but after a minute or two scouring the building you find an empty four seater in the middle of nowhere it’s CRAZY you can NEVER find a MIRACLE like this life couldn’t get better

i’m sorry

you speed walk to claim it even though there was no one else in your vicinity to threaten your territory

mark laughs at you trying to get to the table as fast as you could without all out running

getting out your things, you send a photo of your seat to your roommate and tell mark to send it to his roommate as well so they know where to find you

you start watching the lecture online while taking notes and since you’re not in the lecture theatre you can talk more audibly with mark not that you don’t talk in the actual lecture too,,

maybe you do text a lot,,, during class

mark usually says things like “.. implications of what now?? interpretation of huh?” to which you reply “i want cheese when i get home”

and he has to stifle his laughter while you keep your straight face and continue writing your notes he admires this ability ngl

and so while you’re watching it on your computer

you can say things like “fuck. i want pickles”

and mark will /throw himself back/ and cackle and probably say some shit like “DIDN’T YOU HATE PICKLES??” between his giggles

and you’re like “yeah. fuck pickles but like. fuck. pickles”

he almost falls off his chair at this point

but when he balances himself again he spots someone down the corridor and wave them over

“oii! over here dude”

you turn to glance at them to expect his roommate, but you see your own roommate talking to someone and wave her over as well

“heYY my/n”

you see the other person turn to your roommate and tell her something, , then she says something back

which is apparently shocking to them, because he glances over at mark and then at you

and then he looks again when your roommate points straight at you

to which you’re like ?? hi? y u look me

and then they both start laughing

you wonder if they were laughing at you or smth until mark’s like “tf is that idiot doing”

and u look at him like ? what idiot

“that idiot. the idiot roommate i told u about. the one who called u a homewrecker”

and you’re like

wait

[info clog]

wait

[error]

“wait”

“what”

“that’s your roommate?” u point at the boy next to my/n, who r both still laughing at something going all “wOW r u KIDDING” he has a loud voice

and mark’s like “? yeah”

and you go

“.. the girl next to him is my roommate”

mark: “wait what”

that’s what she said

at that point they’ve made their way over to the table, still trying to hold in their laughter

you start to introduce your roommate to mark, who’s still confused by the situation

you: “mark, this is my/n, my/n this is mark”

my/n: “nice to see you again mark”

you: “wait. again?”

mark: “yeah we’ve met. hi my/n”

you: “what”

mark: “yeah”

my/n: “yeah”

his roommate: “yeah”

you:

you: “i feeling like i’m missing something here”

turns out

surprise surprise

that one friend that my/n had made in her biology class was mark’s roommate oh my god they were roommates

whose name, you are told, is lee donghyuk

magical moment

us watching: heh 🤤

u can’t help but do a lil body scan from head to toe bc he a fine piece of cake we all know that

honey skin, oversized white t shirt, black pants, sneakers and lighter brown hair that looks fluffy the type of fluffy that makes u wanna touch it

yes he’s good looking. yes

yaaaaas

then mark tells him your name

“she’s the one i said reminded me of you”

“r u talking abt me behind my back marcus??”

donghyuk laughs and holds out a hand for you to shake

“what kinda coincidence is this?? i adopt your roommate, you’re dealing with mine”

“oh you’re gonna have to get in line to adopt her, i’m her legal guardian, sorry donghyuk”

to which he goes

“lmfao then we’ll both be her parents”

“k but i’ll keep her on the weekends. you see her on the weekdays”

then he wipes his smile off his face and he’s like “who said we’re split”

mark and my/n are doing the /MANIACAL LAUGHTER/ at this point

mark: “so ,, seriously what are the chances”

you: “this quartet,, it’s fate guys it’s fate there’s no way about it”

yes it is. yes. it is

even that four seater table was free because of fate

donghyuk: “this calls for drinks later. we all free? no 9am classes tmr?”

my/n: “we have a physics prac at 8:30 dingus”

donghyuk: “ah shit”

you barely got any notes for that lecture for at least an hour because you end up talking altogether throughout the session but once you remember you’re in a library to study you request a ceasefire and agree to study for a bit which,, you gotta admit ,, isn’t really productive because you’re so excited to meet someone new

but the best part about the day was when you notice how many times mark is glancing at your roommate while she’s reviewing her notes, completely oblivious

donghyuk complains that he’s hungry after another hour or two and you suggest you all have dinner together

donghyuk leans back in his chair in a stretch, his jumper lifting up a little over his jeans and showing a bit of his belly “ah i’m craving chinese”

you perk up, “mE TOO”

so you all go to your favourite chinese place just outside campus where you find out that mark and my/n have the same taste and so do you and donghyuk

he points and u and goes “oH?”

“jjAMPPONG? U TOO?”

“the ONLY DISH EVER”

mark and my/n: jjajang is fine : )

you and donghyuk: “JJAMPPONG IS SUPERIOR”

give him a bro five with the shoulder bump and everything

the boys walk you and my/n back to your dorm afterwards

donghyuk and my/n end up walking in a pair and mark walks alongside you

mark mentions how it’d be fun if you made a group chat together

you: “do it”

“i don’t have your roommate’s number tho”

you’re smiling wickedly at his reaction “?? ASK HER FOR IT”

“dude what?? no u make one and i’ll add donghyuk to it”

“bRO JUST ASK”

“wHAT NO U DO IT THEN”

so u go

bet

and you call out the two biomed kids walking in front of you

“hey donghyuk! give me your number i’ll make a group chat”

“sure lol” and you open up a new contact to let him type his number into your phone

he saves his name as hot boi hyuk ✌🏻

which you just leave bc you’re busy making the group chat

mark is still astounded that you asked donghyuk for his number so easily

you: hi hello good day

my/n 🌸: yeetus meetus

hot boi hyuk ✌🏻: bow before me

you: here before me lie the beginnings of a new era

you: one born from blood and stone

my/n 🌸: tf is she saying

hot boi hyuk ✌🏻: idk but lets go with it

you: together we rise from the rubble and sort through the debris

hot boi hyuk ✌🏻: yas queen

my/n 🌸: i hate this gc already

you: and we WILL REBUILD THIS EMPIRE

read by marcus the fool 🤡 at 8:21 pm

safe to say you stay up for a good while talking on that group chat while mark just sits idle,,

you honestly don’t know if he’s consciously reading or not maybe he just left his phone on the chat

and thus our quartet is complete,,

and they all lived

happily ever after

but this isn’t the ending tho is it

wink wonk /waggles eyebrows/

this is but the epilogue to the prologue

that doesn’t make sense but n e ways

our quartet has not yet become two pairings

y’all just don’t know what the future has in store for you :)

click here to meet your soulmate, eng lit!mark!

II ⇤ | III | ⇥ IV

taglist: @lavellanfriendliness​ 

shoot me an ask if you’d like to be tagged in future parts!

[lesbeet]

not to be a nerd but i accidentally just wrote a whole impromptu essay about editing ndjsdksksk im throwing it under a cut bc it's fucking inane and really long but honestly... i just want other people to become as passionate about editing as i am lmaooooo

i also recommend 2 books in the post so if anything at least check those out!

quality books about editing... *chef's kiss* a lot of the basic ones (including blog posts online n such) are geared towards beginners and end up repeating the same info/advice, much of it either oversimplified or misrepresented tbh. but i read one yesterday and i'm reading another one right now that really convey this passion for editing + consideration for it as its own sort of art and i just!!

it's such a weird thing to be passionate about lmao but i AM and i've spent a lot of time the past year or so consciously honing my craft (ik i mention this like 4 times a week i'm just really proud of how much i've learned and improved) and kind of like. solidifying my instincts into conscious choices i guess?

and these GOOD editing books have both a) taught me new information and/or presented familiar information through a new perspective that helped me understand something differently or in more depth, and b) validated or even just put into words certain preferences or techniques that i've developed on my own, that i don't normally see on those more basic lists i mentioned

btw the book i finished yesterday is self-editing for fiction writers: how to edit yourself into print by renni brown and dave king, and the one i'm reading currently is the artful edit: on the practice of editing yourself by susan bell.

the former was pretty sharp and straightforward. the authors demonstrated some of their points directly in the text, which was usually funny enough that i would show certain quotes to my sister without context

("Just think about how much power a single obscenity can have if it’s the only one in the whole fucking book." <- (it was)

"Frequent italics have come to signal weak writing. So you should never resort to them unless they are the only practical choice, as with the kind of self-conscious internal dialogue shown above or an occasional emphasis."

or, my favorite: "There are a few stylistic devices that are so “tacky” they should be used very sparingly, if at all. First on the list is emphasis quotes, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. The only time you need to use them is to show you are referring to the word itself, as in the quotes around the word “tacky” in the preceding sentence. Read it again; it all makes sense.")

and like i said, i also learned some new ideas or techniques (or they articulated vague ideas i already had but struggled to put into practice), AND they mentioned some suggestions that ive literally never seen anyone else bring up (not to say no one has! just that ive never seen it, and ive seen a lot in terms of writing tips, advice, best practices, etc) that ive already sort of established in my own writing

for example they went into pretty fine detail about dialogue mechanics, more than i usually see, and in talking about the pacing and proportion of "beats" and dialogue in a given scene, they explicitly suggested that, if a character speaks more than a sentence or two and you plan on giving them some sort of dialogue tag or an action to perform as a beat, the tag or action should be placed at one of the earliest (if not the first) natural pauses in the dialogue, so as not to distance the character too far from the dialogue -- bc otherwise the reader ends up getting all of the dialogue information first, and then has to go back and retroactively insert the character, or what they're doing, or the way they look/sound while they're giving their little speech

and like this was something ive figured out on my own, mostly bc it jarred me out of something i was reading enough times (probably in fic tbh) that i started noticing it, and realized that it's something i do naturally, kind of to anchor the character to the dialogue mechanic to make sure it makes sense with the actual dialogue

so like. ok here's an example i just randomly pulled from the song of achilles (it was available on scribd so i just looked for a spot that worked to illustrate my point djsmsks)

the actual quote is written effectively, but here's a less effective version first:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him. He’s done nothing to me," Achilles answered coolly.

see and even with such a short snippet it's so much smoother and more vivid just by moving the dialogue tag, not adding or cutting a word:

“Perhaps I would, but I see no reason to kill him.” Achilles answered coolly. “He’s done nothing to me.”

the rhythm of it is better, and the beat that the dialogue tag creates functions as a natural dramatic pause before achilles delivers an incredibly poignant line, both within the immediate context of the scene and because we as the readers can recognize it as foreshadowing. plus, it flows smoothly because that beat was inserted where the dialogue already contained a natural pause, just bc that's how people speak. if you read both versions aloud, they both make sense, but the second version (the original used in the novel) accounts for the rhythm of dialogue, the way people tend to process information as they read, AND the greater context of the story, and as a result packs significantly more purpose, information, and effect into the same exact set of words

and THAT, folks, is the kind of editing minutia i can literally sit and hyperfocus on for hours without noticing. anyway it's a good book lmao

the one i'm reading now is a lot more about the cognitive process/es of editing, so there's less concrete and specific advice (so far, anyway) and more discussion about different mental approaches to editing, as well as tips and tools for making a firm distinction between your writer brain and your editor brain, which is something i struggle with

but there have been so many good quotes that ive highlighted! a lot of just like. reminders and things to think about, and also just lovely articulations of things id thought of or come to understand in much more vague ways.

scribd won't let me copy/paste this one bc it's a document copy and not an actual ebook, but this passage is talking about how the simple act of showing a piece of writing to someone else for the very first time can spark a sudden shift in perspective on the work, bc you'll (or at least i) frantically try to re-read it through their eyes and end up noticing a bunch of new errors -

or she talked about the perils of constant re-reading in the middle of writing a draft, which is something i struggle with a LOT, both bc i'm a perfectionist and bc i prefer editing to writing so i sit and edit when i'm procrastinating doing the actual hard work of writing lmao

it's just this side of fake deep tbh but i so rarely see editing discussed like this--as a mixture of art and science, a collaboration between instinct and technique, that really requires "both sides of the brain" to be done well.

and because of the way my own brain works, activities that require such a balanced concentration of creativity and logic really appeal to me. even though ive seen a lot of people (even professional writers) who frame it as the creative art of writing vs the logical discipline of editing. but i think that's such a misleading way of thinking about it, because writing and editing both require creativity and logic -- just different kinds! (not to mention that the line between writing and editing, while mostly clear, can get a little blurry from up close)

but like...all stories have an inner logic to them, even if the writer hasn't explicitly or consciously planned it, and even if the logic is faulty in places in the first couple of drafts. when you're sitting and daydreaming about your story, especially if you're trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between two points or scenes (or, how to write a sequence of events that presents as a logical, inevitable progression of cause and effect), the voice in your head that evaluates an idea and decides to 1) go with it, 2) scrap it, 3) tweak it until it works, or 4) hold onto it in case you want it later? that's your logic! if an idea feels wrong, or like it just doesn't work, it's probably because some part of you is detecting a conflict between some part of the idea and the overall logic of your story. every decision you make as you write is formed by and checked against your own experiential logic, and also by the internal logic of your story, which is far less developed (or at least, one would hope), and therefore more prone to the occasional laspe

but while ive seen a number of articles that discuss the logic of writing, i don't see people gushing as much about the art of editing and it's such a shame

the inner editor is so often characterized as the responsible parent to the writer's carefree child, or a relentless critic of the writer's unselfconscious, unpolished drivel

and it's like... maybe you just hate thinking critically about your work! maybe you view it that way because you're imposing external standards too fiercely onto your writing, and it's sucked the joy out of shaping and sculpting your words until they sing. maybe you prefer to conceive of your writing as divine communication, the process of which must remain unencumbered by lessons learned through experience or the vulnerability of self-reflection, until the buzzkill inner editor shows up with all those "rules" and "conventions" that only matter if you're trying to get published

and like obviously the market doesn't dictate which conventions are worth following, but the majority of widely-agreed-upon writing standards, especially those aimed at beginners, (and most especially those regarding style, as opposed to story structure) have to do with the effectiveness and efficiency of prose, and, in addition to often serving as a shorthand for distinguishing an amateur from a pro, overall help to increase poignancy and clarity, which is crucial no matter the genre or type of writing. and even if you personally believe otherwise, it's better to understand the conventions so you can break them with real purpose.

so editing shouldn't be about trying to shove your pristine artistic masterpiece into a conventional mold, it should be about using the creative instincts of your ear and your logic and experience-based understanding of writing as a craft to hone your words until you've told your story as effectively as possible

thank u for coming to my ted talk ✌️

[drashleighreid]

ugh i know i’ve made this post before but i’m honestly just in awe of how much and how quickly my studies/perception of my own abilities turned around last semester. like i’ve struggled so much with impostor syndrome and not feeling like i’m good enough or feeling less than. i’ve struggled a lot with my sense of self, especially through having adhd, i was the typical case of doing really well in high school and having rly inflated ambition etc and then going to university and crashing and burning (multiple times) i tried studying like 3 or 4 different things and ending up hating it/dropping out after a semester until i finally started studying film when i was 23. it kind of felt like a last hope for me like i even remember when i did my big 6 month backpacking trip before i moved to melb i was in toronto hanging out with my friend who was trying to convince me to get a work visa and move there and work with him and i told him i was thinking id go back to aus and start studying again but that id consider it and i remember he made like a flippant remark about me trying study again like it wasnt intended to be rude but just that he knew that id hated uni every time id gone lkjlkjsf and even when i started the course i knew that like it was kinda my last hope of getting a degree which had always been a big goal of mine, i felt shit about myself a lot of my best friends from high school had already graduated at this point and i just felt hopeless - and studying something creative after feeling for so long like it wouldnt yield a stable future was a bit of a ‘fuck you i’m done’ kinda move on my part too lol but even through the first year and a half (and even a smidge beyond that) i was battling back and forth whether to drop out and i cried about it to my therapist numerous times because i didnt feel good enough and that it was hopeless etc and that everyone else was better than me, more focused than me. i couldnt even sit through films without being on my phone bc my adhd wouldnt let me so how the f was i gonna work in the industry lmao ! it was so challenging bc i legit didnt know what id do if i dropped out !!! but i just kinda kept going no matter how miserable i was and how much i was sobbing in week 13 writing my essay or how much i felt like everyone in the course were making friends with each other but i had no one or how scared i was to share my ideas with people !!!! i literally felt so bad in every way !!! 

but like through small building affirmations things just keep getting better !!! last semester i pitched a concept for a 16mm short film and it was one of the 4 ideas chosen out of like 25 to be made and i had the most rewarding experience directing the project and made amazing connections with people and created something actually amazing ??? the teachers had almost no negative feedback for it and i got the best grade i’ve ever received lol and i made some rly good friends and got a lot of positive reinforcement from the actors and people saying that i struck a rly good balance with directing and that i was amazing to work with !!! but even after that experience going into 3rd year and beginning major projects i had reservations and felt really nervous because i didnt feel prepared and i was worried that people wouldnt like my idea or after only having written/directed for all of my projects so far i felt like i had to Perform again. the the impostor syndrome - though a lot more muted than before bc i have positive experiences to lean back on!! - was kinda there again like this idea that everything i’ve accomplished so far has been a fluke and that people are gonna realise im dumb etc. etc. lmao but like ! ive pitched an idea and people i dont even know from the course have reached out saying they love it and want to work on it with me and i have basically a full crew ?? just need someone on sound?? and we havent even had the class where we have discussions about it and talk more in depth, thats solely based on a less than 2 minute video pitch and ive had so much interest !!! and it just feels so nice !! like i know this isnt the end, we still have to get greenlit by the panel before it will move ahead to production but its just so validating to have people behind you who show interest and passion toward ur ideas !! 

and ive been chatting to other people about ideas and their film concepts/chatting about helping out with other roles on other films for ppl bc u can do that and id love more hands on experience on sets so im trying to get into sound design and production design bc like no ones gonna hire a film student grad as a director kljlkjsf you gotta be a worm ! 

but like basically this is a really long winded way of saying that i cant believe people actually really value my ideas and my vision and feedback. i got this message from one of the most intelligent people i’ve ever met and like... just two bros being in awe of each other... cleansing 

honestly like !! if you read this far wig go off !! i havent done one of these long winded feelings dumps in a long time but its like good and positive feelings moving forward, even in social iso i feel so connected and wonderful. peace n blessings love u all. chase ur dreams and dont give up !! @ past me and at all of u out there !!  its gonna be ok keep going u got this bitch !!! 

[peridipshit]

EDIT: IDK HOW TO MAKE A READMORE ON MOBILE SORRY FOR A WALL

hey hey guys ive been super inactive and theres a reason for that and that reason finally worked out and i cannot fucking begin to explain how good it is ghjklljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjkljhgfdghjklhgfhjkl

read more for a super lengthy overshare of angst and ecstasy

i kno w its fuckin long, its not for anybody but myself bc ye i have adhd myself and dont know how to read sh i t and dont expect anybody to have the patience for this

so, if i start at the beginning, ive had, the hardest period of my life starting around fall 2016. ive been in community college for about 4 years now, and i dont want to list all of the things ive done because it wouldnt reflect the mental emotional and physical exhaustion ive put myself through for all of this work. and all this time i thought it would amount to nothing because a lot of what i was supposed to be doing was pushed away out of fear. i filled up my time with a million impressive things that i genuinely loved and enjoyed, but knew it wasnt the actual work to get into the universities i was so desperate for. i pushed,, all my applications to the week or day before the due date. i had to give up three out of seven universities because of the deadline pressures. 

but my main school, the one that i returned to as the ideal place, but a laughable pipe dream, was the one i worked the absolute hardest for

i needed to do two different applications with a total of uh, 8 or 9 essays? the first round of 5ish essays i submitted the day before, and then the second application, i started the week before and completed the essays and storyboard, and hit the submit button 2 minutes before the deadline. i had two winter semester classes (which both kept me under a no-sleep schedule) and i juggled the application work by night. i ended up with like 3 total hours of sleep in that week. i almost gave up like three times but i remember crying after finding this song which coincidentally reflects the acceptance into the university im now somehow attending. it was the moment to myself that i decided i wanted to push through and grow up

the third round where i almost gave up was when my professor couldnt recieve my emails and i had no other way to contact him during the winter. i came to his office the week school started in spring with a deadline of three days to get my letter completed, and he submitted it an hour and a half before the deadline. i spent that weekend convinced i would just take another year at community college and at home and prepare myself more. i cried after checking my phone when i was walking out of Black Panther because he hadnt submitted it with less than two hours left before my application would have been thrown out. he submitted once i got into the car and refreshed the tab

last month i got an interview with the school of my dreams. i looked up the real statistics and they choose 30 transfer applicants for interview and accept 15. that moment was a rush of disbelief and brief sobbing as i realized that maybe im not crazy and not stupid and maybe just doing good things

that was the longest week of my life, but it wasnt a nervous thing at all. i knew i could nail an interview, it just was practicing. i spent each car ride to school talking to myself for 30 minutes. 

i literally could not have done anything as amazingly as i did in that interview without my friend’s help (hey dude), i was literally hearing that skype notification and have never had my heart pound as hard in my life. two seconds thinking about my friends and everything theyve done for me was like, a reminder that ppl care and have my back and istg that power of friendship anime bs is real my dudes and i couldnt ask for better people in my life 

i rocked it like some kind of word virtuoso person and waited a month for a notification

limbo is wierd

i spent so long knowing i was so, close, but not in a place to celebrate

the day i found out was Of Course as wild as it was, where i was having a panic attack out of everything in the morning that accumulated, i was like near crying in class because the prof was kinda yelling at me and i almost lost my project and had to run about a mile in heels to look for it and i was being hit on by a guy twice my age and i had 2 hours of sleep

but????????? i got into ucIa in their theater film and television school, which is harder than any ivy league school. me and 14 other transfer students. 92 total undergrads in that entire film school. ill be nineteen into my junior year. ill be at the heart of the industry going into animation and able to do practically anything. 

a n d i learned that not only my tuition room and board will be covered, but likely a ridiculous amount beyond that too.

i just. got to a point in my life last year that i knew that i was setting myself up for failure and i thought that if i wasnt improving i was failing and so i put so much onto myself in terms of working that i literally had no time for myself. no time for anything leisurely and no time for shows or movies or games or even friends. the only thing i felt like was my escape was cosplay and i still had that shamed by my family for wasting money and time. i of course had many moments and opportunities to do a few things that i regard very fondly, but overall i had no time to genuinely reflect on the damage that everything had caused. it felt like i had no time to cry ultimately, like some kind of hamster wheel of responsibility and fear. im still recovering now, and i want to be better. i want to do my best for myself and everyone around me. and i want to become someone that can be healthy and be myself. and yknow what im pretty damn proud of where im already at right now 

trying hard to keep coherency but i gotta wake up at 5 for an 8am class tomorrow so this is a lil rushed. its probably corny as hecc, but hell i feel just ok for a second and thats nice. i would never have gotten here with the support around me and like, my friends and family have done so much for me and i could write ten of these rambles on each one of you. you care about me and i care about you guys beyond anything these words can express. (*cough*quinn keira kevin cece*cough* not to say everyone else i know hasnt impacted me because gOd so many lives have done so much for me, i just, hey, love yall) 

my life is finally feeling like something big, ive never believed in the destined for greatness thing, ive just felt Capable of greatness and afraid beyond words of wasting it. and i want to be great for me, i want to be great to others, and i want to be great to the big picture. 

just, holy fuck i love you guys so much and thank you 

things are finally looking ok and i would repay you guys back in to the fullest extent of my hearts adoration and appreciation

[beep-beep-kneecaps]

hi you can ignore this

rant time cause i need this out of my system cause i am StrEssED 

okay so i have a midterm due sunday, i have to write a 1500-2500 word short story with a genre of one of the 4 books weve read so far, and im supposed to add references, quotes, or other type things to all 4 books as proof ive read them, but i havent finished the 3rd one and still need to start and finish the 4th, so like i just need to read a lot right? no! cause i also have two other classes in which i have to read, write, respond to peers, and do a quiz, and on top of that i have to write a mini essay type thing about a movie i still havent watched..... hhhhhhhhhhhh and today is wednesday and i have to read for my psych class and answer some questions by friday, then respond to peers by saturday, and do a quiz by sunday, easy enough until you find out my reading is 35 pages ina big textbook and i am not a fast reader what so ever. then in my soc class i have to finish reading two more articles, then i have to respond to peers in a discussion ive done already, then i have to do that mini essay thing, then do a quiz based on all of that. and i have to do all of this with such a majorly sleep deprived brain, i tried to capitalize ‘8′ and sent ‘????’ to a friend instead of ‘nice’

and literally neither of my 2 friends understand this cause they have easy classes and have 3 days off each week while ive only had one day off in the past 2 months. yes im salty

[journeywithrenee]

July 30, 2017

BEFORE YOU START READING

If you haven’t read my previous post, I would like to encourage you to consider donating blood this summer! It will benefit many patients in the various hospitals within Toronto and can save lives. Here is an article about the current shortage of blood:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/critical-blood-shortage-1.4164669

Truthfully I’ve been putting off writing this because it’s been so long and updates have accumulated since I last wrote. It’s my fault for being lazy haha but I’m back now with a fresh update right off the press. A fair warning: I’m not sure how long this update is going to be but something is telling me that it’s going to be a mini essay. Grab some tea or something as you’ll probably need to sit and read (I mean, if you want to).

Shorter Days

My days at the hospital are shorter now that I’m in consolidation. It also helps that our appointments are always in the wee hours of the morning (okay not THAT early but it’s early for me…) Getting in early usually means getting out early. Blood work and ECGs (something used to monitor my heart) are only done on Mondays and Thursdays. Those days are a little longer but we still get out before rush hour. I now usually have the second half of the day to myself to do what I want to do (which is usually not much because I’m usually rather tired when I get back from the hospital). 

Medical Updates

That being said, this past Tuesday (my birthday) was the last day of my first consolidation phase. I now have 3 ish weeks off before I start my second cycle. I am eating my oral chemo pills during this time off but I do not have to go to the hospital to get chemo through my IV. I go to a clinic three times a week to get my line flushed (just so nothing bad gets into my picc line and infects it). My dressing also gets changed once a week. I’m doing pretty well consider it’s only my first phase. I am experiencing no major side effects which is great. I will talk about this in a subcategory but for now I can proudly say that although I’m more tired than usual, I have not experienced any side effects from the chemo. The only thing that has been a little tricky is my picc line. My skin developed a sudden reaction to the adhesive from the dressing that protects the site (where the pipe uhh, goes into my body LOL) from germs. I got rashes under the dressing as well as around it. I put some prescribed ointment whenever my dressing is changed underneath the dressing. The rashes around the dressing have subsided and the type of dressing has been changed. It’s still kind itchy underneath the dressing as there are still some remaining rashes but it’s nothing that I can’t handle. Fair warning: the picture is kinda gross.

My birthday

As some of you know, my birthday was this past Tuesday aka July 25th aka my last day of chemo for phase 1. Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! This birthday was a little weird for me. It’s something that I have to repeat to the nurses on the daily (actually literally everywhere in the hospital. It’s for safety reasons ofc) and when the day actually came I was like YUP WOW I’m 22 now. Anyways, I’m incredibly blessed with amazing family and friends. My parents bought me this BOMB NEW LAMP. I’m so stoked about this lamp, it might be the best thing that happened to my room.

this picture doesn’t do it any justice. It has 12 different dimming settings AND there are 5 different types of light. Natural light, cool light, warm light, idk what other light but there are 5 settings. It’s amazing ok?

A group of my close friends surprised me the Sunday before my birthday. They blew up 22 helium balloons as well as many regular ones and hid in my basement, scaring the living daylights out of me. I love them. (they bought me the kpop albums that I’ve been wanting from my favourite group). Did I say I love them? Well I’ll say it again. I love them.

I also received a package from the States from a friend that used to live in Canada. (If you’re reading this I hope it’s okay to post this picture!)

I may have shed a womanly tear or two. 

I received a touching card that also made me cry more than one womanly tear. Why are my friends so amazing? 

Lastly, two of my friends actually dropped by my house on my birthday to give me some cheese tarts from Uncle Tetsu. (Don’t be mad at me Uncle Tetsu cheesecake lovers but I think I like the tarts more.) (Also, Carmen and Tiff, if you’re reading this I hope it’s okay that I post this picture too HAHA)

I’m not sure what my hand is doing and I really need to stand straighter but THANKS GUYS! I love you so much! *sends heart eyes your way*

my “cake” cutting process (although I already too two huge bites as you can see LOL)

Imminent hair loss

It’s not really imminent, it’s already happening. I used to watch movies and stuff where someone had cancer. The sad parts are always when they run their hand through their hair and chunks of hair are tangled in their fingers. WELL THAT’S HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW and even though I said I was ready in my previous blog post I am Not Ready (capital N and R for emphasis).  I fortunately don’t have any bald spots yet, it’s a even hair loss I guess but once it gets really patchy this hair will be gone from my head. Come on Renee, you can do it. 

My carpet after every shower. This amount has now doubled. 

My future plans

Some of you have heard already but I am officially enrolled in an online course for September! I’m excited to get my schooling on again, even though it’s only one course this semester. My hope is that by January, I can take 4 courses or so and be a full time student again.

My days off

Now that I have three weeks off, I’m going to be pre-studying for the course that I’m taking. I’m worried that my brain has not been worked as much as it should’ve been during the past few months. I’ve also picked up bullet journalling/photo journalling again. The process is soothing and it allows me to be creative in my own way. 

this is my title page for the month of August. It’s the first time I’ve drawn something with pencil crayon (I find the medium really hard to work with LOL).

Someone suggested to me that I write a book/memoir about my experience with leukemia and the more I think about it, the more I’m considering doing it. Sometimes I narrate words in my head and it sounds kinda good LOL. Renee the author…I feel like my parents would be the only ones that would buy this book LOL

My wishes came true

I’m going to say it. I ate gon chow ngau ho for the first time since I got diagnosed. 

LOOK AT THIS BEAUTY. 

I also was able to go out for the first time in a really long time. I went to Unionville with my parents and we ate ice cream. Even though I’m mostly still house-ridden I’m glad for opportunities like this.

My mom said I need to change my smile immediately. 

Annoying insurance companies

My chemo pills are were covered by my mom’s insurance company. They’re really pricy and I was glad that they covered it UNTIL they told us that they will no longer cover it. Long story short, I just turned 22. That means I will not be covered anymore unless I am a full time student even though the reason why I need to be covered is the reason why I cannot be a full time student. It’s…frustrating. We’re still sorting it out.

Prayer Requests

Please pray for my parents as they have SO much on their plates right now. Pray that God will give them the wisdom and strength to make it through all of it.

Please pray that something will happen with the annoying insurance company. I feel so hopeless about the situation

Please pray that I will not cry if I lose all my hair HAHA

Please pray for me as I prepare to start studying again. I’ve never been the greatest student but I want to do well despite the fact that I’ll be studying/going through chemo at the same time. School kinda scares me. 

Thanks for reading friends!

[motiuational]

whether you’re down bc of burnout or stress or just generally feeling :// this is what i used when i had a little (read: quite large) blip last week. if some of these tips aren’t doable or helpful it’s still ok and you’re still ok!!!

1) Cut Yourself Some Slack if you’re feeling like this it’s probably for a reason and you need to do something to combat it. whether you’re sad bc of a mental illness or something that’s happened in your life or everything is just too much rn that’s ok and you’re ok and feeling like this is valid and can’t be ignored

so take a mental health day and sleep in, buy that thing you want, get yourself new stationary or high quality coffee. talk to people, either online (im always here for anything i don’t promise to understand but i will listen and advise) or irl (friends, family, therapist, your dog, whoever you want to) - after all “if you don’t get it off of your chest, you’ll never be able to breath”

catch up with that tv show, do your make up, use the fancy bath stuff and most importantly look after yourself. don’t let anyone push you further than you can handle, not even yourself. right now, focus on you.

2) Get Out of Bed this actually is really really hard if you feel terrible but it really is an important stage for your health and productivity you will honestly feel so much better

3) Eat & Drink Doesn’t have to be a fancy fully cooked english breakfast or pancakes or whatever you have wherever you are, sometimes it can literally be a piece of fruit or cereal and that’s ok you’re up and eating! go you! also please try and eat three meals in each day - microwave meals are the easiest tbh but eggs, avo on toast, soup, make some stuff that’s not time consuming or needs effort unless cooking if your thing and it’ll help you

for water i generally sleep with a glass by my bed and down it in the mornings as soon as i wake up. also if you wanna make yourself some tea or coffee or something now’s the time to enjoy that!! water is your primary aim though so try to keep a large bottle near you at all times (large so you don’t have to get up as often)

also take all vitamins and medicines you need to!!!!

4) Hygiene you’ve got this far you’re doing great! now you need to brush your teeth, try and get in the shower or wash your face, do all your clean routine stuff. Also get dressed! either comfy clothes or clean pj’s whatever you’re the best in rn (as i write this im in pj’s and a blanket cape so no judge) also i always find wearing shoes to make me more productive for some reason so if that works for you just slip on some reeeally comfy ones

5) Three Tasks for Today honestly having three tasks that you have set as your most important is really good for you!! tbh these can include having a shower or petting your pets bc these are very important to dos for your mental health and in genera. your pets will agree esp if they are cats. if you have no pets then there might be dogs in your local park or cats in your neighborhood or maybe a petting zoo??? make your goals easily achievable! even if they’re simple things they’ll make you feel productive and better in yourself - like today my to do’s are this post, shower, and to write a sentence of my coursework!! yesterday it was literally get up, pet cats, brush teeth

some recommended tasks: - shower! - eat a healthy breakfast! - get out of the house even if only round the corner and back - text someone (your parents? friends? significant other?) - if you wanna stay productive without working on your set work why don’t you do a short course on a website like memrise or learn the basics of a language on duolingo? i taught myself the basics of british sign language last week go me

6) If You’re Working… i) if one or more of your three tasks involves working then this is for you! make your working space clear even if you just shove everything under your bed that’s fine you can deal with it when you can. now you need to get out your pens, your laptop, your bujo and whatever you need to work. also if you have candles or fairy lights or something light them they’re so nice and calming!!

ii) find a playlist to listen to!! i have different ones for different moods but the ones i recommend are on spotify and are upbeat, a kinda classical one and the playlist for yuri! on ice tbh bc they’re all instrumental which i love but whatever you prefer to listen to is fine!

iii) do the easy stuff first like sending off emails or taking the bins out or stuff that can be finished in under 5 mins. bam!! already ticked stuff off your to do list go you!!

iv) now what i typically try and do is a “touch and go” thing for my work which tbh i originally got from @busystudyign as well as the two minute rule from @emmastudies. basically the touch and go is where you go like “ill only write 2 sentences of my intro” but generally once you’ve done that you keep going but if not then just keep coming back to “touch” it until it’s done. the two minute rule is similar, where you work on your intro for two minutes and then you either stop or if you’re in the groove then you keep at it!!

v) also break down everything you need to do! need to do that essay? ok! plan the outline! so like a sentence explaining what each paragraph is gonna be about. then go a bit more in depth paragraph by paragraph. then write the first one!!! you go you’re doing great!!!

tl;dr 

whatevers going on, however you’re feeling, whoever you are - just know it’s gonna be ok. you can do this. there are so many people willing to support you (inc me) and you’re gonna do wonderfully and succeed!!! maybe not rn but soon trust me life sucks but it’s gonna be better than this

[festivebb4-blog]

Jury Questions and Answers, and Closing Statements:

Jury question from Owen - Why don't the other two people you're sitting next to deserve to win, and why do you deserve it more?

Timmy: Hi Owen! I don’t think Amanda deserves to win because she did not make moves during this game. It was easy for her to get this far because she wasn’t seen as a threat and while that can be seen as a good way to play, I think in this situation I played a better game. I deserve to win over Amanda because I always put in the effort to make moves that would benefit my game even if it risked me being a target. Even when I was a target for some people I was able to use my social game to stay over others. Ali does not deserve to win because I was in control of the moves Ali made. Ali was an amazing ally to have and he is a great friend but the things he did in this game were things that I told him to do. I deserve to win over Ali because I helped him get this far. From a different standpoint, I won more competitions than both of them and made moves out in the open, which some disagreed with, and I was still able to make it this far.

 Amanda: Why do i deserve it more- Do you know the vine thats like "Im a bad bitch you cant kill me" thats me in this game lolol i should have been booted sooooo long ago but i kept weaseling my way through. You Rhone and I got seen as a very known trio and i made sure you guys looked scarier than me and once you left i played the "poor me i have nothing" card and it gained me allies with people who should have been getting me out and obviously it worked because im here :)

Ali: ajkhfdakskjfdas owen making me be mean, I hate. Amanda doesn't deserve to win because while she seems like a lovely person, I don't think was especially committed to this game and I don't think she has done all that much. Her and Rhone would consistently vote together, and I don't think she has been a threat for a long time. Additionally, she has consistently just kind of voted with the same people and been in the minority, just sticking to her friends (which she must have good choice in, since you two are friends). Compared to me, I would try and make connections on all sides of the house, I was in a huge variety of alliance chats, with Dana and Zach, with Timmy and John, with you and Ruthie, with Madison, I was always working to make sure I had connections everywhere, which solidified my spot in the majority for literally every vote. Timmy has played a phenomenal challenge game, he won many many comps. With that said, while he was nominated many times (which potentially stems from his weaker social game), it would be my vote that would save him. We have worked quite closely together, but it was my social game that meant that unlike him I never received an eviction vote and was only a final nominee once . When he made unpopular (and surprising) decisions like in the live night, I would do damage control with people like Zach to ensure people I trusted I could balance between. I didn't need to rely on competitions to get here, I used a strong social game as the foundation to a strategic game which allowed me to make it this far. I deserve your vote Owen because I played hard. I was consistently a swing vote and made some hard strategic decisions (like voting out Dana) to ensure my safety going forwards. You once again were terrifying to play with, but I feel like this time (more than last time) I should have earned your respect and thus your vote.

Jury question from Madison: I have the flu so can you ask them how I've impacted them in the community

Amanda: Madison we've gotten through so much trash over the time ive known you and we're still alive. Like girl we got through hell and so much random ass shit here you're so fun and i love you you'll always be my meme queen

Timmy: Hi Madison! I hope you feel better soon!!! You have impacted me in many ways in the community. You are always someone who I am happy to talk to and I know I can have a good laugh with. There are a lot of people who I only talk to because we are in a game together and that’s just how it works out, but we talk outside of games and I enjoy that. You have added me to some random chats, and while I have still yet to take advantage of jackbox nights, I appreciate that you invited me into that. Also, I would have applied to Alcatraz because you’re hosting it but 4 games is already a lot (even though this one is about to end).

Ali: Madison, you have impacted me in the community in that you've become a friend. I remember in Festive 3 when I had to do that satanic slide puzzle for that veto comp and I was so sad and disappointed in myself and you were being so supportive and great. This sounds so incredibly corny, but from there I knew you were a friend and thats why I play these games, to meet new iconic people. Since then, it's been my pleasure to know you and call you a friend and root for you in VLs for games, and I'm so happy we got to play together too, even though it cut short (still sorry about that!)!

Jury question from Ruthie - What are three reasons you deserve my jury vote over the other two in the final 3?

Timmy: Hi Ruthie! I hope you’re having a great time in Disney!! The first reason is that I made moves that I believe changed the game. These moves were in the weeks that John stayed over Chrissa, when I stayed over John, and during the live double. In the week where John stayed, I made multiple calls that day to keep him safe. I was able to convince Zach and Dana to talk to him since they had no prior relationship with him and did not see the original benefit of keeping him. I see this as a move that changed the game because many sides and alliances were exposed under the surface, especially those surrounding Amanda, Owen, and Rhone and I knew I was still able to trust John, so it was in my best interest to keep him. In the week that I stay over John, I knew I was the target, so I could have easily laid down and accept my fate, but I had to fight. Owen had kept nominating me and therefore he wanted me out, but I was able to convince people to look past the “I need to know what others are doing” mentality and show that they all had that and keep me because I am more beneficial. With that move I was able to get Owen out the next week during the double and if I had not done that then the trio of Amanda, Owen, and Rhone would probably have outlasted all of us. The second reason is that I won competitions when I needed to. I won 3 HoHs and 2 vetos. I was able to save myself with both of those vetos, the more important of the two being at F5 when I knew if I had not won I would have left. With the HoHs, at least the 2nd and 3rd, since the first was in week 1, I was able to get rid of people who would have or were already targeting me, Owen and Zach. I think this is important to note as one of the reasons because collectively between Ali and Amanda they only won 2 competitions. The third reason is that I was on the block at the end of the week 4 times and people still did not get rid of me. I never saw myself as a background player in this game because I was always telling people what I wanted to happen and making the right moves to allow those things to happen and somehow people kept me. I always made sure that there was at least one person who looked more threatening than me. I will say though that the situation was different in the Josh vote because he was inactive so I did not put much effort into that vote since it was obvious that he was leaving. Because of those reasons, I believe that I deserve your jury vote over the other time. Sorry, I know you’re on vacation and this is a lot to read, but have fun with the rest of your trip!!

Ali: Hey Ruthie! I'd say three reasons I deserve your vote are:

1. I have never received a vote to evict this season nor have I been in the minority for a vote (the other two have been at least one of those). Timmy was nominated many times,but it was always my votes saving him 2. I played super hard this season, you were my number one and you saw that we were with Dana and Zach, Owen, Madison and Zach, basically I made sure I had connections everywhere, and I think the other two just stuck with who they were close to only. I was also in an alliance with John and Timmy, so it's clear I was working to find numbers all the time everywhere. 3. Other than our BOTB win (so iconic) I haven't needed to win a comp till F4 to evict the biggest threat in the game (Zach). My social and strategic game got me here,while I think Timmy's game was very comp dependent.

Amanda: Lets be honest i shouldve been right out the door after owen and rhone but im here i might not have won comps but 1- i made deals with people i needed to to stay safe and 2- made sure people liked me enough to not want me to leave

And 3- The Disney Gods want you to vote for me

Jury Question from John: Hi final 3! I love you all dearly first off, and this is going to be a very difficult decision. 1. Write me an essay on why you love me 2. If you could compare your gameplay to an animal, what would it be and why?

Amanda: HI BABYYYYY!! You're my John Coffeycakes and I love you so so much. Your BGC snaps are my faves and you always make me laugh. You're literally one of the most genuine and sweet people I know and you honestly brighten up my day everytime we talk! I cried when you left this game and ive missed you so much. I could get even more mushy but i think you already know how much i love you.

2- A monkey because I keep my babies on my back and take care of them picking all the little bugs from their hair. I also sit around eating a banana while everyone else crashed and burned but now Ali and Timmy are trying to TAKE THE BIGGEST BANANA IVE EVER SEEN AND I WANNA EAT IT IM ABOUT TO GO KING KONG ON THIS SHIT.

Ali: 1. John, I love you because while I knew a fair amount of the players before this season, you were one of the few who I only know very loosely (I'd seen you met up with Cameron so knew you already had great taste in friends!). It's been such a real pleasure to get to know and play with you this season, and to become friends afterwards! You are so sweet and so nice, and you don't take these games even remotely personally. My game highlight was the night when like 10 different game calls happening but our one was really fun because we got the game out of the way pretty quickly and then were just able to have fun! You are truly winning crossroads and can add it to all the other things you've won (i.e. festive and everyone hearts). One of the best things to come out of this game is I can now call you friend! 2. I'd compare my gameplay to an octopus in thats my key strength were all the connections and links I made in the house (like an octopus' tentacles). I voted in the majority every single round, and that came from me using my social connections to ensure what I wanted to happen happened and that my votes counted. Like the little squishy suction cups on an octopus' tentacles I would keep attached to everyone which is why I didnt receive a single eviction vote this entire season! Finally I'm an octopus in that.... well you can't play flash games with squishy tentacles which explains why they weren't my friend.

Timmy: Hi John! I’m going to let you know right now, I suck at essays, so this will be shorter than one and will not have the appropriate structure of an essay (also, I’m still on break for the next 24 hours so the thought of an academic style answer is not in me). But to at least answer your question, you were easily one of my favorite people in this game, both on a game level and on a personal level. The first reason was because you were easy to talk to. I am a very awkward person, especially just talking online just because things could come off in a different way than intended but I didn’t find myself having that issue talking to you. Also, in your intro one of the first things you said was that you like being drunk and my first thought was “relatable, me, same” and I knew you would be someone I could get along with. For a large portion of this game you were my number 1 ally and I knew I could trust you which was always important to me since I could just openly talk to you about what I was thinking which is not easy to do in games. I was always able to freak out to you about different things happening and we were always on the same page with what was going on and what we wanted to do about it. To kind of conclude this brief essay, you are a great person who is funny and was always there when I was freaking out and that’s why I love you. To answer the second question, I would simply say that my gameplay could be compared to a cat. Some people like cats, some don’t, which is kind of what my gameplay was like, some people agreed with my moves while others thought I was stupid at times. Another reason is that a cat can be soft and warm up to people and then at any point switch and be angry and I had my moments with that, sometimes turning my targets very quickly based on what was going on around me. Thanks for the questions. 😊

Zach’s Jury Question: Name some fun facts about me and tell me why u should win thanks

Ali: 

- Zach is the king of geckos - Zach has a great pride tattoo - Zach has played 100 days in Athena because he is iconic - Zach has a concerning effect on how I speak, in that I've started saying "I lav it" and "hort" which I'm definitely subconsciously copying from himI deserve to win, because while I've undersold it, I've had a lot of control over this game. I am the only player who hasn't received a single vote to evict this season (or ever) and I was in the majority for every.single.vote. I would make moves to benefit my game, ensuring that threats were going home, and who would benefit my game. I didn't rely on competition wins, until I absolutely needed to, which was ensuring that you didn't win veto and potentially evict me, and so that I could vote to evict you from the game. You were truly the biggest threat in this game, you had such an underdog story and it wasn't something I felt I could rival, so I needed to see you go. Compared to Timmy, while he has had an on point challenge game and has survived many evictions, my votes would consistently be what saved him and I feel like my social game with my strategy gave me a lot of control. I had connections with everyone, alliances all over the shop, and yet I managed to navigate them and ensure my spot at F3. Amanda is a queen, but hasn't been especially committed to this game and I don't feel like has played in a way that deserves to win? (I love her though)

Amanda: You come from a long line of furbies and ilysm. I should win because i'm cute and everyone loves a female winner :*

Timmy: Hi Zach! Some fun facts about you: You live in Canada, you hate mayo, you’re very good at keeping a snap streak going when I’m really bad at it. I should win this game because I played my hardest at all stages during this game. We had conversations about how people were not using their full potential and only a few people deserve to win in the end and I think I am one of those people (who should win). I actively used my social game to stay each week. Some might argue that it was not good because I kept getting nominated, but most of those times I was only nominated by Owen. I got my way during a lot of hard times. Specifically noting the weeks that Chrissa and John left. During the day of the Chrissa vote I spent a big chunk of the day on calls convincing people to keep John because that was a lot better for my game. I got a lot of information from you and Dana and got you guys to talk to John and vote to keep him. John and I were able to convince Ali because of the relationship we had already built with him. When John left, it sucked because I was up against him and he was my number 1 at that point. I knew I was the target and I could have laid down and accepted that but instead I decided to fight and flip the vote. Most people were telling me that day that they would only vote to keep me if others did, so I had to work hard to let everyone know that that was a majority consensus so just vote to keep me and you will be fine. And I stayed. I won competitions when I needed to and got targets out, specifically in the live double. Owen had nominated me many times at that point and I knew I had to get rid of him, so I had like 12 tabs open to try and win HoH which I did. I’m still sorry that I nominated you but my only plan going into that night was to try and get Owen evicted. Two of the times I was nominated I won veto and was able to save myself; the more important of the two being in F5 when I definitely would have gone home if I had not won. I think I should win because I played the game to the best of my ability and thrived, especially after coming in 2nd the season before. This is really one of the first games where I was not afraid to say what my plans were and who I wanted to go and there was only a handful of times during the game where I did not know what was happening (mainly when Owen played the Spook d’état). I hope this answers your question.

Closing Statements:

Amanda: Hi everybodyyyyyy! I know i'm probably the last choice on all of your lists right now but i'm here and i'm having fun! I aligned with the people i needed to and placed myself in the middle of two alliances which kept me in a safe spot for the first half of this game. When we got to Rhones hoh/ the week after everything went to shit and i had to rethink things. I was stuck between two allinces and people were catching onto Rhone Owen and I being a trio. That got completely exposed and everyone was coming at us so i laid low so the two of them ended up looking like the bigger targets and they got taken out before me. After they left i felt alone as fuck and put myself out to zach and made the deal i needed to move forward. I always made sure i had backup relationships for when one crashed and I managed to weasel myself here. Even if I dont win i beat my placement and had a fun ass time doing it and I love you all <3 #FEMINISM

Ali: Hey Jurors! Thank you for an iconic season, it’s been a pleasure to play again with some of you, or meet some faces I’ve seen floating around various VLs. Thank you also to the hosts for hosting an iconic season, it was a pleasure to be invited back to festive and I’m so glad I’ve done myself justice by playing so much better.

When I played my first game, the main critique I got at FTC was that I made friends with everyone but I did nothing with those bonds. Thus, in this game, my philosophy has been to weaponize my social game ; make these social connections but actually do something with them. Consistently in votes, I would be a swing vote determining who would go home, to the point where I was in the majority for every single vote this season. I would use my connections all across the house with my web of alliances (Dana/Zach, Zach/Ruthie/Madison, Ruthie/Dana/Zach, Ruthie/Owen & John/Timmy) to not only keep myself safe but to ensure who I wanted to see go home went home (indicated by how I was in the majority for literally every single vote this season). Additionally, I would position myself so that it was in everyone’s best interest to keep me in the game, hence why I received no votes to evict this season. Social game is hard to quantify, but me winning MVP, which was voted for by players in the game, showed that my social game was universal and I was on average the most liked/supported player in the game.

Thank you everyone for playing, its been an iconic season and I'm looking forward to the reunion chat.

Timmy:  Hi everyone! Thank you for the questions, I hope I answered them to your satisfaction. If I did not, hopefully I can highlight a few things in this statement. I came into this game thinking I would have a huge target on my back because I got 2nd place last season, and granted I did not do much then, it was my ultimate goal to beat that placement here. I think that through the moves I made and the competitions I won to make those moves, I deserve to win this game. I already explained certain moves in some of the jury questions and I just want to briefly mention them again. In the week Chrissa left, I spent a lot of time messaging people and on calls to make sure that John would stay and was even able to convince people like Zach and Dana, who had no prior working relationship with John, to keep him. I even used my vote replacement on Owen and Ruthie just to make sure that he would stay in case something happened. I thought this was smart because I knew it was a safe backup since I had not talked to either of them about the vote. When I was on the block against John, I felt extremely defeated since Owen had hinted using the veto on me and then he nominated John, who was basically my number 1 at that point. I could have laid down and died in this game, but I made people aware of reasons why they should keep me and used my social game to keep me in a 4-2 vote when people all day were saying “maybe, but it depends on what other people are doing”. Then that next week I was able to get Owen out in the live double and, granted I made a few mistakes that night, I was able to put myself in a good spot heading into the rest of the game because the main person who was targeting me was evicted. I was on the block at the end of the week 4 times during this game and was able to stay each time which says something because there were chances to get rid of me, but people did not take those. I think I should win this game because I worked extremely hard to get to this point, harder than I have in any other game, and I made moves both behind the scenes and out in the open and was able to get to this point. Thank you!

[derpaholicraccoon]

>im ready for the neverending void to take me holy shit<

>>this day’s just been going great this week this month basically has been going so <i> good </i> (sarcastic) sorry Im just gonna vent a little bit ignore this<<

I love school I really do learning new things and exciting things that I can potential use later in life is fascinating, horrifying and absolutely amazing to me like holy shit!!! Now though I’m trying to do a 15 page essay literally a few hours before class and I am so increadibly uncomfortable and anxious about everything. Just a run down of my past week starting from last friday

>Went to go talk to a designated writing helper that is specifically for my course for help and I informed her I didnt have much because I was absolutely lost and needed a better understanding of the layout I was writing in.

>>she immediately was trying to get me to leave the meeting firstly because I was sick but I only had a minor cough and she was complaining she didnt want to catch anything and secondly right after telling me that she could help no matter how much I’ve written after learning reason 1(aka I was sick) and seeing that I only had a paragraph to see if I was going into the right direction she told me to basically leave and come back when I had more

(Like ok fine yes I could’ve written more alright I get that fully falls on me and I apologized profusely to her about it but my reasoning that I explained to her is this is already a two hour paper with the research Ive had to conduct and separate summaries I;ve already written for it I dont want to spend another hour or 2 writing another 4 pages of shit that doesnt make sense or isnt what they are asking for and having to go back and re-write everything cojmpletely making those hours and pages and research useless. I already know that I dont understand the paper set up nor the material or what they were asking me to write and I wasnt cojmfortable with what I had already written Im not going to waste my time)

>now onto this week I;ve had three tests two of which I wasnt worried about at all and did fine on and one that I hadnt yet started studying for monday night that was happening on tuesday morning

>>when my friend suddenyl calls me at 2 am asking to be taken to the hospital so I help her out and dont return until 5am it was great

>>>good news my test that morning I did pretty good on and my friend is doing great now (I love her so much honestly as long as she was ok I didnt care about the test at that point)

Now its thursday night friday morning and my paper is due and I am dying

>>Mostly my fault for not timing things out correctly and being a piece of shit (like reading my immortal to my roommate who never heard of it before ((its so cringy)))

>>>I also ran out of printer ink so thats great now I have to get up at 7 am to get to the school library or the classroom to print 

>>>>and about 30 mins ago my computer crashed and lost 5 pages of work 

(I am dying please kill me my backup isnt working I was saving it along the process but apparently that didnt take?????? so now I have to re-write over 3 hrs of work OTL D’: ))

[westbranchmobil-blog]

holy shit

okay so a summary

 i had 0 vocab cards done when i started whap first hour. He said that there will be no vocab cards accepted monday. kids around me turn to me and say “here take mine quick” and i take a couple, there was a couple “i copied this from matt, so you’re gonna copy from him” and “shit i already have those one done” “well guess what, i handed in 2 of the same cards every single week in apush as a freshman” but i eventually worked it out. I got 8 vocab cards done in one hour. which is 2 away from the requirement, but 80 points is better than 0. So next hour i have to finish my essay, which turned out i needed a lot of quotes from my textbook, and a scholarly essay. I just went for it and hoped for the best. by the end of the hour i had it done but the day that we learned how to write a works cited page i was also absent because of period of cramps, so my teacher literally gave me the genius sophomore’s paper to copy because he’s just like that. i printed it and i ended up coming in late to my third hour (with a pass of course). so i sit down and look at the warm up and im just like what the fuck because i missed two sections yesterday. then i got handed a test and im just like what the FUCK AM I GONNA DO I DON’T KNOW ANY OF THIS SHIT I LITERALLY WASNT EVEN HERE. i did the test anyways and im still crossing my fingers hoping for the best. and skip ahead to 6th hour i walk in and apparently there was a lab i missed which i completed in class to the best of my abilities and i asked my table mates for help and they were like “man we can’t even help you we don’t know this shit” and im just like fuck AND I GOT HANDED ANOTHER TEST i seriously had to take two tests today all on stuff i missed yesterday immmmm literally fucking livid rn. today was a bullshit day so i treated myself to another arctic monkeys CD and a latte (my mom finally broke a hundred with me thank god) but yeah ive got a FUCKTON of homework to do over the weekend like ive got to read a book and have a “conversation” with it via sticky notes for ap lang and i have unit 4 questions to do in whap which thankfully are all on quizlet but yeah ive also gotta do a study guide which i should get done over the weekend so that i dont have to stress about doing it on the weekdays. i also have a chem study guide but im not worried about the chem test because overall chem is easy as fuck and we’re allowed to use all of our assignments from the semester on our exam. but yeah that was my day for you guys how was yours?