#I REALLY HOPE THATS ONE OF THE NEW GIANT CROPS

[lemondoddle]

GIANT BROCCOLI MOB PSYCHO MOMENT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

[anothertimdrakestan]

Stealing Clothes From The Batboys/YJ Boys HC!

i wrote this on my phone due to immediate inspiration from a lovely anon!

"can i get a headcanon with the batboys and more if you can of how they react when their girlfriend steals theirs clothes? i love you're writing so so so much!"

Dick Grayson:

- you always steal his sweatpants even if they're like 4 sizes too big

- they're always a little worn and soft and smell like him

- you'll have to pull them up every 60 seconds but that's why you love them

- slipping them on when you wake up and starting to make breakfast, dick will come out of your bedroom and his heart will melt on sight

- he'll come up behind you and pull the waistband back effectively pulling you into his chest

- he'll toy with the drawstrings and waistband, feathery fingers dancing around your waist while you move around the kitchen

- he's the boyfriend that lovessss when you steal his clothes, eventually you'll run him out of sweatpants and he'll just go buy more, no questions asked. it warms his heart seeing you engulfed in his clothes

Wally West:

- Wally is a jacket king, he's constantly in different colors and sizes and types of jackets but he is very attached to them and often won't let you steal them

- but there's a secret to the jacket lifestyle, the t-shirt he wears under said jackets

- the t-shirts are slightly worn and unbelievably soft and they smell so strongly of your lovely boyfriend theyre your all time favorite steal

- often they might have a little hole or stain so you'll wear them around casually or sleep in them

- he makes fun of you when you both go to bed because you walk straight to his closet to pick out a shirt

- it makes his heart melt seeing you wear his t-shirts while he's away on missions, and having his warm and comforting smell on you 24/7 makes you miss him a little bit less

- he will steal the t-shirts back and wear them around to make sure his cologne is still there, for certain favorite t-shirts there will be all out wars for who gets to wear them, usually they end in tickle fights and him giving in calling you a thief even though he loves it

Jason Todd:

- jason's hoodies hit different i swear

- they're ginormous, soft, and beautiful

- the sleeves are way to long and when he sees you standing in one of his hoodies waiting for him after patrol he can't help but laugh

- "babe i know you love my hoodies but i'm scared it's going to eat you"

- he likes to pull the huge hood over your head laughing while you flail the hoodie sleeves

- when you're cuddling he likes to toy with the drawstrings and make little bows like the giant softie he is

- he will spend a whole day looking for the hoodie to complete his outfit then see you in it, he can never be mad when he sees the giddy look you get from how huge his clothes are on you, he's convinced you're the cutest thing in the entire world and no one can prove him wrong

Gar Logan:

- you're dork boyfriend unashamedly has hundreds of graphic t-shirts with terrible science puns or sarcastic logos and he'll beg you to wear them

- like any normal girlfriend you try to steal his hoodies or even will try on his beast boy suit as a joke but this boy will beg you to twin in punny t-shirts with him

- you're trending on social media like 24/7 from candid pictures of you and gar wearing t-shirts that say "i'm stupid in love with ->" or "i love her more than joker loves the batman" and other terrible graphics

- you like to style his band concert t-shirts into edgier outfits and it'll always blow him away

- "damn babe i need to go to more concerts if you're gonna look like that!"

- gar's love languages are affection and giving so you always let him shower you in his clothes and cuddles

- it always puts a dorky love-struck smile on his face when you steal his t-shirts and make epic outfits out of them and you'd do anything for your lover boy, who doesn't want to rep their boy???

Tim Drake:

- Tim has an eccentric style, and the two of you will often share clothes like jackets, maybe even pants, or hats (zendaya and tom holland vibes)

- he's always asking you for style advice and color combos that will look good, he's the first to tell anyone how amazing you always look and how talented your eye is for clothes - he tells everyone how you constantly take his breath away

- while you're day time style is amazing, it's in your own home that you give Tim a real show

- the best way to take his breath away is to slip on one of his button down dress shirts after a night of passion

- seeing you dressed in only his shirt, many of the buttons undone will physically knock the air out of his lungs

- feigning innocence you'll toy with the buttons and casually flirt until he's ripping the shirt off telling you he'll buy a new one

- occasionally you'll style outfits with his dress shirts, tucking them in pairing it with your favorite blazers, it feels like you've got a little piece of Tim rooting for you all day, the perfect pick me up during a rough day

Bart Allen:

- Bart is convinced you are the cutest thing to walk the planet and will actually vibrate through the floor with excitement when you steal his clothes

- your (and his) personal favorite is one of his many baseball tees

- this kid has at least 20 different colored shirts and you're pretty sure he wasn't even a baseball player, while he looks undeniably handsome you like to steal the shirts because of how soft they are

- he loves how the shoulders are too big and a little droopy, the sleeves are a little too long making you roll them up to your fore arm to get anything done, and he can feel his heart flutter noticing how you're always bunching up the material or trying to tuck it into your waistband

- seeing you in his shirts makes him all warm and fuzzy, he physically cannot keep his hands off of you if he tried

- when you cuddle he'll cling to the soft fabric with one hand, the other securing you to his chest, whispering something about how perfect you are before he devulges into light snores, keeping you secure and warm, his cologne intoxicatingly warm and comforting, automatically lulling you to sleep with him in minutes

Damian Wayne:

- Dami doesn't love you stealing his clothes, he likes it when you slip on his t-shirt or sweater after a long day and he'll usually expect it back

- but the best thing to steal from your cute boyfriend are his adorable turtleneck sweaters

- these knitted black sweaters are the softest material known to man but stealing them is so difficult because Damian doesn't like parting with them

- the face he gives you when you meet up in public while wearing one of his turtlenecks is too cute, a mixture of pride that you're engulfed in his property and also some mild amusement that you successfully snatched one of his turtlenecks out from under his nose

- "mhm beloved i like your shirt, tell me where did you get it?" his snark is always unmatched

- one of his favorite things to do when you're wearing his turtlenecks is pull the material up and over your mouth, effectively quieting you with your own shirt

- the playful glint in his eyes while he toys with the collar makes you smile like a child, loving how his inner goofy side comes out when he's with you

Jaime Reyes:

- there is no better clothing item to steal from Jaime than the iconic gray drawstring zip up hoodie

- this boy really goes through at least three a month if not more so he doesn't mind you snatching a few for your own closet

- he likes to grab on either side of the unzipped jacket and tug you into his embrace, his lips meeting yours while he toys with the fabric

- you take his jackets everywhere, he loves that you're rarely caught without one - he thinks it's adorable that you don't like to be without him

- his scarab genuinely thinks you're safer wearing his jacket and will throw a bit of a fit if "mate is unsafe! protections protocols active!" so you've taken to tying them around your waist, slinging them over your shoulder, and have even tried to crop or bedazzle a few to make a bomb outfit if thats you're style!

- the jackets are always worn and well loved, sometimes they'll have tears or burn marks from his scarab getting upset but you never mind the imperfections, they're what makes each jacket special

hope you enjoyed let me know who your fav was!

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 33 - Fujikawa Kyuji's retirement, & a mystery safe, & an appeal for mystery location suggestions.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru starting this episode of The Freedom of Expresion. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. Um, I've brought a copy of Tokyo Sports with me..

T: Thank you!

K: Its this page...Fujikawa Kyuji's retirement.

J: Even I understand this.

T: Yeah..How do you feel as a Tigers fan when you see this, Kaoru?

K: Well...Im wearing him on my t-shirt..

J: Yeah, thats cool.

T: Its really cool.

K: Well, I quite like him....out of all the Hanshin players.

J: If you were to explain it to a baseball novice like me, what is special about him as a pitcher?

K: His fastball, yeah his fastball.

J: He doesn't throw curveballs, right?

K: Yeh. His fastball burns through the air...well, at least it seems like it. I've never stood against it so i don't really know, but...*1

And then, even if they know a fastball is coming, they can't hit it.

J: Even when those professional batters know a fastball is coming...

K: He's gotten better and better since 2005 when they won the league.

J: What is his max throwing speed?

K: Hmm, what is his max?

T: Isn't it around 150km?...But it's not just his speed..

K: There are people who throw faster, but no-one can hit his throws.

J: Ah, rather than speed, he has the power to stop the batters.

K: Mm, even if they hit it, it never goes very far.

T: They say its like the ball grows out.*2

J: Ah, like the ball grows out from his hands?

K: He's retiring, but the season hasn't ended yet. He's in the second team at the time of this recording, but there's still a chance he might rise up and throw for the first team. I really wanna see him throw in this season. He only needs 5 more saves to get into the Golden Players Club.

J: Oh yeah right?! Wouldn't you like him to get in, right? Can he not play for another year? Is that no good?

K: No, he can't.

T: He's already worn out.

K: He's apparently been intending to retire since last year. But he did surpisingly well last year. Well, it sounds a bit wierd to say it like that, but...(haha)...he managed.

J: I see, I see.

K: But this year, it seems like his body is starting to grumble at him.

J: Ah, he feels its time to step back. How old is he again?

T: I think he's 40 this year. He's in the Matsuzaka generation. He was born in 1980.

K: In the All Star series, players like Kiyohara or Cabrera...was it Cabrera? They say 'Straight out'*3

J: Oh, before they throw?

K: Yeh, like when they are going for a fastball

J: Incedible.

K: And then they get three strikes. Its like they want a manga-style showdown. It does sometimes seem like manga, right?

J: Yeh, like 'Star of the Giants'.

K: Yeh, yeh.

J: Or 'Apache Yakyuugun'.

K: And they really do get three strikes.

J: So cool....Well, one way to look at it is, he is still a star of the baseball world.

T: Well, yeh. Every player has to retire at some point.

K: Yeh, its sad, but..

J: What will he do? Will he become a commentator? Or a coach?

K: I think he'll become a coach. He's still active at this moment though.

J: So what about Hanshin winning?

K: They will win!

J: Oh, good. Haha.

K: But the Giants are strong...they never lose.

J: Lets take it step by step.

K: I hope they do.

J: This is all we ever say, haha, hoping they do well.

K: Hmm, well, yeah. Ok, Joe, could you tell us today's topic.

J: Yes, ok well I'd like to introduce some kinda mysterious news this time 'Unsolved mystery of metal safe placed right in the middle of field.' A large safe has been discovered in the middle of a farming area in New York state, USA. By whom, when, and why the safe was put there is a complete mystery. However, the land owner  has said, 'Its best just to leave this mystery as a mystery'. A note stuck on the side of the safe bared the message, 'If you can open this safe, you can have the contents of it'. Despite the land owner saying it shoud be left as a mystery, large crowds gathered attempting to open the safe due to the note. But eventually, they were ordered to leave by the police.

K: I like this.

J: Do you?

K: Yeh, I do. I love stuff that makes no sense.

J: What is this all about? I wonder whats in the safe? What part of this story are you most interested in, Kaoru?

K: Well, I wonder what type of safe it is, first of all.

J: Yeah, it just says its big. Maybe like the size of a fridge?

K: And its in the middle of a farmer's field?

J: Yeh, someone must have carried it there.

T: Yeh, first of all someone has done that.

K: And the land owner is saying just to leave it there?

J: Yeh. I kinda got the feeling it would get in the way of the crops though.

T: Right.

K: So, the farmer didn't put it there?

J: Yeah.

T: Well, thats not written here.

Kamk: No, I bet he did.

K: Haha

J: The landowner?

Kami: Who else could have done it? Yes, he did.

K: Hahaha.

J: Is that the mystery solved then?

Kami: The mystery is him saying its fine to just leave it there. Thats stupid. He's orchestrated this himself.

J: Kami, what do you think is in the safe?

Kami: There must be some money in it at least.

J: Ahh.

Kami: Just a bit of money...

T: Do you think he's hiding his Playboy collection in there from his wife or something?

Kami: He wanted to make it into the news.

K: Ahh, well thats possible. Anyhow, its interesting.

J: Yeah.

K: This type of thing is really good.

J: Mm, its not hurting anyone, its not benfiting anyone..

K: Yeh, when the crowds gather the police will move in, right?

J: I also think this kind of thing is really interesting.

Kami: Don't you have a garden at your family home, Joe?

J: I do, but its not big enough to fit a large safe in it. A ??? *4 would fit though.

K: Would you be ok if a crowd gathered?

J: No no, that would be no good.

T: Haha

J: Its not that type of garden. It would be tough if they all turned up..everyone would be like, 'Whats going on??!' Its right on the edge of Hachouji, quite rural. Your neigbours are right there. Its different from the middle of Tokyo. The neighbours would be shocked.

Kami: I wanna do something like this on this show.

J: Yeah. A kind of unexpected happening.

K: Like what? A set-up?

J: Yeh, yeh. Not like a mean joke, but.. just something to see how the world reacts to it.

K: Ahh, I see.

T: Well, thats already happened once with us, with the sound mysteriously cutting out.

Kami: Tokyo Sports could write an article about it.

K: But even if we devised something, we wouldn't be able to say anything about it, right?

J: Yeh, we wouldn't be able to.

K: So we could only set it up..

J: But if everyone was talking about it, it would make the news.

K: And then we could make it a topic here  someday...

J: Someday...ten years later or something?

K: Noo, you wanna do that? Haha.

J: I wanna do something mystery related though.

K: Kami could set something up?

J: Oh, thats a good idea.

T: Yeah.

K: It would be fun if we tried to solve it.

J: Yeah, it would. Do you normally like reading detective novels?

K: Yeah, I do. I don't read tonnes of them though.

J: Aren't they doing that type of thing in trains and stuff recently...JR did it..

T: Oh, they did.

K: Like a detective game?

J: Yeah its like a game.

K: Our drummer is really into that kinda thing.

J: Oh, yeh yeh yeh. Shinya did say that he liked it. But I think this type of thing is pretty exciting.

K: Should we go and try that type of thing out?

J: Should we reserve it?

T: Yeah.

J: I wonder if any are on at the moment.

Kami: Lets do it!

T: Ah, but in this kind of situation (i.e. covid )...

K: Right, they might not be doing them at the moment.

T: I think I saw something going on in Shimokitazawa or somewhere before though. Like a mystery solving challenge.

Kami: Lets go to a mystery/supernaturl spot.

J: Now we've arrived at mystery spots.

T: Eventually.

J: Should we go?

T: This is our (Tokyo Sports') speciality.

K: Right? Well, I've been waiting for this too.

J: Eh? Is that ok for you?

K: Yeah, its ok.

J: Its quite scary for me.

K: Really?

J: Yeah, I get really scared.

Kami: So when I say a mystery spot I mean  something like going up a slope the wrong way or something *5, not something scary.

J: Oh, that type of thing? Kami, I want to ask you this...are ghosts real?

Kami: .......... Yes.

J: But they are different from you, right?

Kami: Yeh. I mean, to be honest, I don't really know.

J, K: Hahaha

J: Well, you might get into trouble if you were explicit about it.

T: One of our reporters apparently had a UFO experience near Chosho city, in Chiba.

J: Would that be ok though? UFOs?

K: Would it?

T: They apparently appear quite often in Choshi.

K: Really?

Kami: Aren't UFOs a bit scary?

J: They are too scary!

K: They are not scary.

J: Have you ever seen a UFO, Kami?

Kami: Um..

K: Ah! I got it! Lets appeal for ideas...Of any mysteries people know about.

T: And we can solve them.

K: Mm, and then we can go to the place.

J: Lets do it.

K: Ok, everyone, if you know any mysterious, not scary..well, a little bit scary is ok...

J: Just a little bit. No real haunted places.

K: Yeah, not like that, but any places with a bit of mystery, that make you wonder.

J, T: Yeah, thats good.

K: We can go to that type of place and try to solve the mystery.

J: Yep!

K: So please send us your ideas! I want us to go somewhere.

J: Me too.

T: Yeah, me too.

J: Its not exactly the TFoE detective club, but..

T: Ah, that sounds cool.

J: We'd be off to solve the mystery.

K: Like with one of those big cameras?

J: ???

K: ???*6

J: Yes, like that, like that. Oh, im looking forward to it.

K: Ok, well, lets end here. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

T: Thank you.

*1, 2, 3 I know nothing about baseball, so im doing my best to interpret this.

*4 Couldn't catch.

*5 Not sure im understanding this correctly.

*6 Too fast, couldn't catch. 

[troddensodden]

Physical Features OC Ask Game !! 👁 What is your OC’s eye color? Do they have any eye-related habits, like winking or rubbing their eyes? Do other people tend to notice their eyes? 💇 What is your OC’s hairstyle? How do they maintain their hair? Do they wash it and/or cut it regularly? Have they ever dyed their hair? 👖 What type of clothing does your OC generally wear? Why? Do they have any “signature” accessories?

since its the only ask i have so far, im gonna answer each of these for all three of my current ocs :D hope thats okay!

cedric: fallout 4 || alistair: fallout 4 || emil: fallout new vegas

eyes—

-cedric: blue-green eyes! however he actually only has one, in a sense, because a bomb once blew up close enough to his face that it burned the skin, and damaged his left eye enough that he went blind in it. he tried to take care of the injury, but the commonwealth doesnt exactly have many medicine or skincare products. it ended up getting a pretty gnarly infection, which only made it worse after scarring. so now, he wears an eyepatch over it! he regularly wears a gas mask out in the wasteland, mostly for radiation protection but partially because he is somewhat insecure about his eye, and the look of the skin around it. when he isnt wearing one though, people do definitely notice his eyes for that reason, more than anything else. he doesnt have any particular habits, other than consistently wearing an eye covering.

-alistair: his eyes arent anything particularly special, really. just a plain dark brown, dark enough to look black from a distance. he doesnt have any specific habits, per se, as he is a synth and thats not necessarily in his program. however, if hes close enough with someone, he will make a fair amount of (bad) jokes or comments and accentuate them with a wink or an eyebrow raise. also, when hes frustrated he sometimes will rub his eyes with his palms, or do long drawn out blinks and eyerolls. his eyes arent all that notable though, so people dont take much notice of them often, outside of their expressiveness.

-emil: a sort of grey, green, hazel, blue, combination? really, they dont seem to have much of a set eye-color. its hard to determine. so on the occasion that someone asks, theyll give a different answer every time, sometimes answering with a color that is definitely not even close to the actual color. furthermore, theyre quite the mischievous and flirtatious type in some cases, so winking is something they do quite often, and are able to do with either eye. other times, theyll look someone up and down when facing them, but with an absent expression that makes it hard to tell whether theyre checking the person out or sizing them up. their eyes dont get noticed often because again, they arent anything particularly special, but when in a relationship, they do find that partners seem to take a particular interest toward the confusing matter of their eyes, specifically the color.

——

hair—

c: pre-war, he kept his hair relatively well-managed, a tidy crop with maybe a bit more length than the "average" mens cut. post-war, however, he frankly sees getting his hair done as too much effort, only occasionally stopping for a trim and otherwise letting it grow out, and tying it up if it gets in the way. his boyfriends quite fancy this, liking to play with it when they spend time together. maccready, on occasion, will even braid it if hes stressed or in a bad mood, as a way of calming himself down. (when he does this, cedric tries to keep the braid in as long as possible.) washing hair isnt necessarily easy, in a world where even just clean water itself is in short supply, let alone soap. however, he does try his best to clean it when he can, because he doesnt like the feeling of dirty hair. he also has never dyed his hair, because hes always been content with his natural brown color, even if its a bit "plain."

a: he keeps his hair close to a stubble, consistently. his hair doesnt grow very rapidly, but still, he will likely be seen getting his hair cut every couple weeks to keep it from growing out. he likes looking put together, and will rarely ever be caught genuinely dirty. any chance he gets to clean himself, he will, and any time he needs a haircut, you can bet he'll be on his way to the nearest place that offers it. he refuses to dye his hair, saying that it creates a look of unprofessionalism, (and hair dye doesnt go well over black usually.) nobody really understands why hes so insistent on looking put-together and professional all the time, but they accept it, even if he sometimes takes more time to get ready in the mornings than anyone else.

e: shaved on one side, long on the other. its also naturally got a bit of curl, which adds volume so it doesnt get too flat and stringy when it goes unwashed. they dont wash their hair as obsessively as alistair, though they will do a quick clean if they get the time. they dont particularly like the idea of using irradiated water to clean off, but its that or use purified water which is in relatively short supply. however, foraging is a bit of a strong point for them, so they will use natural supplies for cleaning off if possible, from plants and such. keeping hair maintained is hard in a relatively desolate area like the mojave, but whenever they find scissors and some free time theyll do a trim. scissors arent exactly a match for a nice set of clippers, but you learn to make do. they have dyed their hair with some temporary colors before, but never anything permanent—they actually quite like their natural gingery-blond color.

——

clothes—

c: whatever will protect him while also being comfortable enough that he can tolerate him with his sensory issues. however, in situations where he needs to looks somewhat "official," he will wear his minutemen-issued jacket over a decent shirt and pants set. however, he will rarely ever be seen without some sort of mask, unless the situation happens to be one where a gasmask or something similar would be improper. even then, the eyepatch stays on. so id say the eyepatch is somewhat a "staple" of his wardrobe, though its less of a fashion choice and more of what he deems a necessity.

a: if possible, he would regularly wear a button-down and pants that match. however, in an irradiated post-war wasteland, with hostiles around every corner, thats not a particularly feasible option; thus, he wears whatever is available that is in good condition but also effective. effectiveness is his priority, of course, but it does frustrate him if his clothing doesnt at least look decent. people see him as a bit of a pansy for it, but when he was in the institute, he was used to wearing a uniform that was focused on looking clean rather than being highly functional. so after escaping, that stuck with him a bit. he does, however, have an accessory he refuses to be without, and thats his and noras wedding ring. even after forming new relationships and finding a new purpose in the world, its impossible to move on from someone who was his whole world, what feels like only a few months ago.

e: emil most definitely prioritizes function over fashion. appearance is important, sure, but they recognize that it definitely is not the most important, when youre traveling across a hot desert full of giant scorpions and gang members. however, one thing that they always have, whether theyre wearing it or just has it in their pack, is this one puffy jacket, with a fur-lined hood. they found it in the dresser of a destroyed house they were scavenging through, and it somehow was in near-mint condition. the reason it was so special to them, though, is because it had a note in the pocket, from a girl to her older sibling. the girl being emils sister, who moved away with their father after their parents got divorced. the letter was addressed from her to them, but was never sent. and sure, while they knew that this almost definitely confirmed she had died, they were just happy enough having something from her. so they never go without the jacket, even though its warm (and a bit heavy.) impractical, but sentimental.

[lareinenoir]

∆Milk and Honey∆ Tom Hiddleston x Black! Female Reader •PART 1/?•

TWHiddleston > Y/N-St. John413

Dear Ms. St. John,

I had the greatest pleasure of meeting your agent last night in London a couple of weeks back. He tracked down my publicist and said you had an amazing script I just had to read. I know I am about a month late and I give you my sincerest apology.

As you may know, I am looking for a screenwriter for my first movie I'm going to direct and produce. Sadly the search has come to an end because I already found one. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that you'll be stuck with me. I have chosen your script for my first movie.

Hopefully, you'll give me the honor of turning your script into a million dollar movie. If you could email me back as soon as possible, that would be very much appreciated.

Yours truly,

Tom

Y/N-St.John413 > TWHiddleston

Mr. Hiddleston,

You have no idea how excited I am! I couldn't be any happier to receive your email. It would be my honor to have you produce and direct my script.

I have been waiting for my big break and its finally here. Thank you so much for even considering reading it.

I'm so excited to be working with you.

TWHiddleston>Y/N-St.John413

Ms. St. John,

I am very excited to be working with you too. Again, your script was absolutely brilliant. I'd love to chat more about it when we meet in person. I ask you to keep a lock and key around this whole operation. I don't want the public to jinx it before it has already begun.

To keep from checking emails all the time, I'll leave my publicist number below. I'd like to see when is the earliest flight I can get you to London. Don't worry about cost I'll fly you out here and buy you a hotel room for however long you need it.

Only the best for my new screenwriter!

Hope to see you soon,

Tom

And here you were. Outside his house. His house! Tom freaking Hiddleston's house! You didn't know if you were under dressed or over dresses. You decided to wear one of your suits. Pam said the black and white one looked great. Hopefully, it was enough to impress Tom.

"Y/N?" Ask Luke, Tom's publicist. You look in his direction and see your hand is shaking. "You've been standing at the curb for over ten minutes."

"I'm sorry, Luke." You Said rubbing your lips together. "I uh-well-you see I'm just-erm-"

"It's ok. Tom isn't a monster. He won't bite." Look said making you giggle and the train of nerves disappear.

"Thank you. I ain't never been this nervous before."

"Don't think about the nerves, ok? Just walk in and...be you. Be the girl-woman from Mayfield, Alabama who wrote that script."

"Right. For Mayfield..."

"I would go in with you, but I have a meeting. Break a leg." Luke gets back in the limo and your feet start heading towards the front door.

Pushing your glasses up on your nose, you knock hesitantly and see the doorknob rattle. "I'm coming, I'm coming." Says a voice behind the door. Stepping back and squeezing the strap of your crossbody bag. When the door swings open, you were greeted by a woman holding a broom.

"Hi."

"Oh!"

"Sorry, ma'am-"

"You must be Tom's guests. Come in, come in." She rushes you through the door with a hand on your back. "I was just in the middle of sweeping. Tom is upstairs taking a shower, but you can go on into his office." She told you pointing down the hall, behind the staircase. "Its the one with the blue curtains. He'll be with you shortly."

"Thank you." You say, but see shes already off sweeping. Turning back around, your heels click against the hardwood floor and you push the doors open and quickly gasp. "Sweet mother of Jesus." You whisper. "This ain't no office." You chuckle.

When you first walked in there was a giant living room with nice clean, cream-colored couches and blue curtains. It looked wide, but the couches looked lonely. Not a crease or a shoe print in them. But standing here in the office...Remarkable.

"I've never seen so many books." You whisper starting to pull some off the shelves. Tom had every book of Game Of Thrones. Even the very first one!

You fingers cross one on the shelf and it was one of your favorites. The Iliad. Without hesitating, you snatch it off the shelf and flip the pages. You loved the Iliad. It was the start of the great Trojan War. What wasn't there to love.

"Its a good read."

Your hands lift and the book goes flying in the air. "Oh!" You shout as your heart beat quickly. Standing a couple feet away from you, leaning on the door was Tom Hiddleston.

Tom freaking Hiddleston. A nervous lump kept you from breathing as he rushed to you. His hand on the small of your back as you stared at him wide-eyed, trying to find a way to catch your breath.

"Gee, I'm terribly sorry." He chuckles giving you a friendly smile. "I did not mean to scare you. Are you alright."

"You scared the living crap out of me." You mutter reaching for the book and holding it out to him. "I'm sorry about the book. I didn't-"

"Nonsense. It was my fault." He interrupts and your heart slowed down a bit, mostly because he was just smiling and talking in a calm voice. And the fact that he was wearing a rather clingy sweater and the traces of his abs looked fantastic

"Its nice to meet you Mr. Hiddleston. You have no idea how much...how much working for you means to me." He shakes your hand and it was warm, except for the little water dripping off his hair that landed on your hand.

"Tom, please. And we are working together. A producer/Director need to be on the same page as the writer. I have so many questions for you Ms. St.-"

"Y/N. You can call me Y/N."

"Y/N." He nods "I like that name."

Looking down you thank him and then he continues, "Y/N, I have so many questions about your script. I read it three or four times. Is it ok if I ask them?"

"Sure. Fire away." You answer pushing up your glasses as he leads you to the couch. You scooted over expecting Tom to sit next to you but he sat across from you on the other couch.

"So Milk and Honey is obviously set in the 1920s, right. Ok, I guess my first question is why the 1920s?"

"Personally it's my favorite era. The fashion and crime it was all just really close to home. Mayfield was found in the 1920s by a mobster looking for a place to start his drug trade. From Mayfield he went all over the US, shipping his drugs."

"Wow! That's very interesting."

"I know its not a great founding story-"

"No its better. Most of the founding stories center around crops. Mayfield sounds amazing."

"We don't sell drugs anymore." You laugh "We are now known for our pineapples. We have pineapple fields everywhere in Mayfield. Best in the US if I do say so myself."

"Then I better try one then."

You both laugh again and you can't help but feel giddy because right across from you was Tom Hiddleston. Talking to you well, you talk to him like you had known each other for years.

"So, Warren and Celeste. I love how you wrote their chemistry. I could feel it coming off the paper. It was so real. They say the writer leaves a bit of themselves in their story. Forgive me for being so front but, did you base it off you?"

He went straight for it. What should I say? The truth! Duh.

"In a way I did. My growing up wasn't the best. My ma gave me up when I was five to her grandmother, my great grandma and I was raised by her. I thought bringing in a character who felt lonely like I did would help their growth. But I mostly based it off my Gran. She was a very good singer and not all the time she was allowed to sing in public. They'd make her use the back door to get into places and she'd sing for not even a quarter for what the stars in Hollywood get paid for nowadays."

"I think thats what I liked most about your script." Said Tom and he was studying your face. "It felt real. I want the film to feel real and for people to feel connected. You can show anything on a screen but it takes one hell of an actor to put that much passion to turn a script into a movie."

You smile trying to break eye contact with his heavenly blue eyes. He was being very poetic and it made your heartburn with excitement.

"Tea time!" Said a voice, rolling in a tray of tea. "Early Grey for you, Tom and I chosen green tea for our guest."

"Thank you, Mrs. Gaynes." Said Tom and she slid her way out of the office. "Y/N, do you drink tea?"

"Does sweet tea count?" You ask and then nod your head quickly, so he knew you were joking. "I do. Call me weird but Ginger tea is my favorite."

"Ginger!" He exclaimed as if he didn't believe you. "Points for you." Tom winked

Drinking tea and eating finger sandwiches gave you and Tom both the opportunity to ask him questions and make small chit chat. You didn't realize how long you'd been sitting in his office talking.

You learned Tom always wanted to be behind the camera.

"I always liked the idea of being in charge. Being the man behind the camera and seeing my name on something I worked hard on."

"A man in charge." You smirk taking a sip of tea. "Sounds bossy. In a good way, I mean."

"Y/N, I want you to meet the rest of the team. I'm hosting a bit of a get-together and I'd really like you to meet all the sponsors.''

"Sounds great. What's the dress attire? I don't wanna be overdressed like I am today."

"Overdressed? Not at all. You look great. Come as you are." He tells you and you smile at him.

British charm...how charming!

"As much as I enjoyed talking to you," his eyes scan his phone. "I have another meeting." Tom stands and puts his teacup down.

"Right. I had better get back to the hotel anyway. I have to unpack and call my folks back home to tell them I'm still alive."

"I'll see you tomorrow then." He extends his hand for you to take and you slide your hand into his. "Do you have a ride back to the hotel?"

"No, but I can walk. Luke didn't tell me how close the hotel was to your house."

"Walking? The weather changes at night. Allow me to drive you."

"Really, you don't have too. I don't want you to be late for your meeting."

"Let me drive you, Y/N. My mum wouldn't be very happy if she found out I had the opportunity to drive a lady home and didn't do it."

"Your momma raised you right." You told him

Instead of letting go of your hand, he slipped it into his arm, escorting you to the front door. You felt your face get hot and you couldn't stop smiling at the ground. Tom walked you to the car and held open the door for you.

"Thank you."

A couple minutes later you are outside the hotel and Tom rushes to open the door for you. "Shall I walk you up?"

"No. You did quite enough already by buying me a plane ticket here. I think you should get going. It was nice to finally meet you in person."

"You too. Goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight Tom." You wave heading to open the door to the lobby.

Tom Hiddleston was no southern gentleman. He was a British gentleman. So the tingly, warm feeling growing in your stomach was nothing. Nothing at all.

He was like that to everyone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @tell-me-a-poem @thatweirdwalangpake @schizonephilim @hisparadox @nirvanaslovechild @empressoftheundergroundsun @inlovewith3 @smartiedork @naughtybaroness30 @fanfictionaffair @nobodynobodynobodynob @gerli49 @spookytyphoonbouquetsblog @angelicvixenn @wtficantfindausernam

[rodger-that-studios]

The (Actual) Final Countdown Part 2

My Top 20 Albums - Part 2

The ten following albums are sheer musical perfection, and in no order, I’m going to recommend that you check them out.

Did I say recommend?

I meant damn near demand.

It’s live. Lets go.

10 – Reggatta De Blanc – The Police – 1979

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPwMdZOlPo8

Take a bow, Stewart Copeland

The Police were, simply, a revolutionary band.

We’re not going to talk about Sting on his own, though.

Why were they revolutionary? That’s easy. They combined so many elements when making music it was as if Dr Frankenstein signed a record deal. Reggae? Check. Rock? Check. You want falsetto? Opera? yeah, it’s in there. RDB was definitely their magnum opus, the Michelangelo’s David of their remarkable discography.

There are so many remarkable tunes here. Let’s have a crash course, shall we?

Message in a Bottle is an incredible song. It’s almost transformative, as if it starts as one genre, a rock and roll record, and then becomes something else. Once Mr Copeland starts to flex his muscles on the kit it changes and becomes a Reggae-licious affair. It’s unlike anything else I’ve ever heard, and it floors me every single time. Also offered here is some truly genius lyricism. Sting remarks that it “Seems I’m not alone in being alone”. How melancholy and unique is that? It’ll make your head spin, but god is it worth it.

The other knockout tune here is Walking on The Moon. Safe to say the lyrics are simple. Giant steps are indeed what you must take when you walk on the moon. Not all the lyrics are as profound as Message in a Bottle, but for me, with this song, it’s all about the drums. I fell in love with all things Stewart Copeland when I first heard this. Stewart is in his own little bubble here, and he knocks me for six every single time, especially the fill he cheekily adds before the final chorus. That is nothing short of magical. It’s a stunning performance, much like this is a stunning album.

9 – Greatest Hits of The Cure – The Cure – 2001

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3nPiBai66M

warm fuzzy feeling

The Cure are one of those mythical groups that have very few bad songs. I know the musical puritans among you will slate me for including a compilation album rather than the original works (it’s not the SAME, WILL), but this is just a silly list, after all, it’s really not worth you getting so worked up over.

As far as the album is concerned it features most of the usual suspects, but a few songs stand out to me, even at 20 years old. My mother first showed me our first standout, Just Like Heaven when I was no older than ten. It was captivating to me that someone could pour so much happiness into three and a half minutes. Originally the song came during that transformative phase of the band’s career when they went from their gothic ‘I hate everybody’ origins to ‘Friday I’m In Love’.

Wow

Yeah

Quite a change.

But Just Like Heaven is an ode to falling in love for the first time. It’s quite a beautiful thing to behold really. Also, my mum and I still sing it together and I’m almost 21. That still makes me smile.

Boys Don’t Cry is one of those songs that you’ll find yourself singing even if you have no idea what Robert Smith is talking about.

Boys Do Cry.

Honestly it’s gorgeous. It’s honest and emotional, which is where the best songs come from. That about sums up this album actually. It has a profound sense of emotion and a lust for life. Not one to miss.

8 – The Colour And The Shape – Foo Fighters – 1997

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBG7P-K-r1Y

This one will blow your socks off

If you’ve had the pleasure of reading my piece about my recent, ahem, experiences at the 2019 Reading Festival, then you’ll know how I feel about the Foo Fighters. They are one of the greatest, if not the pinnacle rock band of the last 20 years, and if you’re hoping to get into them, this album is the perfect diving board.

Following the death of Kurt Cobain in ’94, Dave Grohl, the guy in the Foos who looks an awful lot like the drummer from Nirvana, channeling his inner mad scientist, started a new project. The result was The Foo Fighters.

So logically a mere 3 years later they dropped this seminal, uncomfortably incredible record.

Every song on the tracklist is a home run, but there is something truly transcendent about a little ditty called Everlong. It’s a four-minute voyage into unrequited love and not wanting things to ever change, wanting things to stay the same. That’s the perfect description for the track because once you’ve listened to it, you never want to un-hear it. It’s remarkably simple, just Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins and the rest of the band making love to your eardrums with hypersonic mastery.

Side note – maybe I’m babbling because of how much I freaking love this song, or maybe it’s just that good. I guess you’ll have to listen to find out.

I’m having to restrain myself from gushing about every single song on this thing. Its one of those records that will never leave your memory once you’ve listened to it a few times. The Foos are an amazing collective of awesome haircuts, amazing instrumental technicality, and genius lyrics.

If I had to choose one other song to personally recommend (and it can’t be all of them) then I’d have to go for Monkey Wrench. It’s one of the most energetic rock songs you’ll ever hear. It’s angry, but that anger is harnessed by Dave and the boys and transformed it into a ridiculously cool song and indeed album. Kick. Ass.

7 – Black Holes and Revelations – Muse – 2006

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZIk5wIq2Qw

It’s about the song people, not the film

Oh Hell Yes.

Muse, but more specifically their jack of all trades irritatingly talented frontman Matt Bellamy have always had fans. They’re a fabulous band after all, but when this album came out in the summer of 2006 Muse went from strength to strength, and it’s not hard to see why this album is held in such high esteem by die-hard Muse fans the world over.

This is Muse at their most theatrical and most powerful. The lyrics are profound, the guitars are loud and the vocals are up in the stratosphere. Its a rock opera, an odyssey of epic proportions. Also the first standout, Supermassive Black Hole gained new notoriety when it was used for that scene in Twilight where the vampires play baseball (you know the one. don’t lie).

But there are other songs here that will leave you stunned. Let’s take Map of the Problematique for example. Its a brilliant bloody song, with Dominic Howard beating the shit out of the drums to create an almost trance-like listening experience, complete with soaring harmonies from Bellamy to boot. Its so cool. Bottom line.

And before we move on there’s the tiny little tiny matter of Starlight, which is one of the best songs the band has ever written, and my personal favourite of the album. It’s soaring. A song for the ages about wanting to be with that one person that means more to you than you could ever put into words. You need to experience it, but we’ve all felt those feelings. That’s why it works.

6 – Sweet Baby James – James Taylor – 1970

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOIo4lEpsPY

‘Who’s cutting onions in here?

Way back at the start of our list I warned that Mr Taylor may be making a cheeky appearance, and look who’s rocked up. I’m a man of my word.

This album is a family favourite, and one of the first albums that Mum and I ever listened to together. She used to sing me, Sweet Baby James, before I went to sleep every night, and I still get that same warm fuzzy feeling every time I listen to it. I’d never heard such a beautiful song before but I knew what that meant after the first time I heard some of the songs on this album. Taylor was an incredible songwriter and truly one of the greatest talents of his generation.

That talent is reinforced with our next song, Fire and Rain (tears, already). The song is melancholy and painful to listen to. But its not pain in a bad way its as if its a necessary pain to go trough because you know things will get better soon. Thats what I think Taylor was going for. The song has a certain distance to it, almost. The lyrics are desperately sad, but the instrumentation and interpretation that Taylor places round them is sonorous and achingly beautiful to listen to. The song is like an old friend after you’ve listened to it a few times. It simply will never let you down. Thats the perfect description for Taylor’s 1970 magnum opus. It will always be with you.

And side note – who knows if the ever speculated relationship between James Taylor and Carole King was real, or if it ever materialised. Frankly that doesn’t matter. If it was true that they wrote this album together, then that will only make your love for the record increase. Two people came together and made a fabulous and timeless piece of artwork. Well done them I say.

5 – Escapology – Robbie Williams – 2002

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHdvQmA2Ws8

Damn this is some funky shit

This was another album I couldn’t get enough of growing up.

Take That split up back in 1996, and Robbie Had been going it alone (and doing rather well for himself) for a good few years when this gem came out in 2002. The main reason Escapology is so resonant with me and still so relatable even in my 20 year old head is because of two things;

The honesty and realism of Williams’ lyrics

The unstoppable partnership between Williams and the albums super producer, Guy Chambers.

Escapology was a new direction for Williams. It was completely different from Life Thru A Lens (1997) I’ve Been Expecting You (1998) and Swing When You’re Winning (2000). Now don’t get me wrong. All three of those albums were great too, but this one would go down as being historically different.

The cream of the crop here, in my ever-humble opinion, is a tie between Something Beautiful and Feel. The former is a cheerful, life-affirming ode to happiness and prosperity, while the latter is a brutally honest and beautifully written song about wanting to find happiness. Maybe there’s a theme that connects the two, but they’re different in almost every other way, and both iconic because of it.

But that’s not where the magic ends with this album. Later on, in the stellar tracklist you’ll find Hot Fudge. This is one of the funkiest songs Robbie and Chambers ever wrote, and one listen to the thing will prove to you why. Its three minutes of killer keyboards, awesome vibes and that trademark Robbie Williams tongue-in-cheek.

Basically, this album is awesome. Get the message? Check it out.

4 – American Idiot – Green Day – 2004I don’t even have to explain this one. I wrote a piece about why this album was ahead of its time.

You can find that here. This one is special, but unbelievably it’s only in fourth. So lets press on.

https://wordpress.com/view/thefriendlycritic.org

Oh my god

OH MY GODDDDD

We’ve reached PODIUM POSITIONS PEOPLE

Look alive sunshine

I’m EXCITED!

Okay okay home stretch lets do this.

3 – Hotel California – Eagles – 1976

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tcXblWojdM

AIR GUITAR

I’ve always been in complete awe of The Eagles. They’re a bunch of freaking rockstars. Living legends. And boy do they know it.

This is the album that gave them that status.

Its a masterpiece. An absolute fucking masterpiece. I’ll try and explain why without squealing with glee.

The title track is the musical equivalent of willingly losing your mind. It’s a drug trip made of sound waves. It’s remarkable and will change the way you think about music. Probably forever. It almost goes beyond how the song actually sounds with this one, although HC does also happen to feature the single greatest guitar solo I’ve ever heard. Glen Fry, take a bow up there you beautiful man. We all miss you.

The lyrics warn you that you ‘can check out any time you like, but you can never leave’.

But let me ask you

If being held hostage by narcotics in blissful ignorance of your situation (somewhere in the desert) sounds this good, why the hell would you ever want to leave?

This song is that good. And its only track ONE.

This album is one of those mythical records that will surprise you more and more every time you listen to it. We continue with New Kid in Town and later Life In The Fast Lane. These are two equally beautiful, but vastly different songs. New Kid is quite melancholy when you first listen to it, but it grows on you. It makes sense really considering the song is about wanting to be accepted. Fry, Henley and the rest of the band really flex their instrumental muscles here, and the result is glorious.

Fast Lane is a different beast, though.

It’s my personal favourite on the album, and it features Glenn Fry at his most untouchable. A guitar hero if ever there was one. This song rocks, this song rolls and this song does basically everything in between. Its a song you can listen to in any mood and you’ll instantly feel better because of it. The harmonies here are phenomenal too.

Just like the rest of the album. Incredible.

2 – Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band – The Beatles – 1967

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naoknj1ebqI

Uh, no clues for what they wrote this one about.

The silver medal goes to the fab four.

Everything these four incredible people achieved together, every album they released, every record they broke (that’s destroyed) simply added to their mythos.

The Beatles aren’t a band anymore, people, they’re practically a religion.

If you had the unenviable task of choosing a magnum opus album-wise, then Sgt Pepper makes a fabulous case for itself. It’s my personal favourite, but of course my opinion should play no part in how you choose to discover this band. They were the greatest pop group and the greatest songwriters of the modern age. You all know the stories, believe them. They’re most certainly true.

Sgt Pepper is, to be frank, the Bayeux Tapestry of 20th-century songwriting.

It touches on some incredible subject matter. Some of it is heartbreaking, some of it is exhilarating, all of it is perfection. Where do we even start with this thing? The title track and With a Little Help From My Friends sets the tone and begins to tell a story that spans the entire length of the album. Its a story of overcoming adversity and finding solace in each other, in people you care about. For that to be put so effortlessly into an album is why this one will live forever. It had never been done before, and odds are it will never be done again.

My personal favourite song here though is surprisingly easy for an album that cannot be categorised. That honour goes to A Day in The Life. Up until I discovered the album you’ll see momentarily at number one, this was the greatest song I’d ever heard. Even at 20, the song cracks my top three tunes ever. This is why.

I almost don’t consider this a song. It’s a narrative. A script, if you will. Lennon, McCartney, Starr, and Harrison guide each listener through exceptionally ordinary activities, catching the bus, oversleeping and waking up late for work, watching television.

Therein lies the genius of the piece, because what’s the best way to make a song memorable.

Easy. Make it relevant to everyone all at once.

I feel like the song gives off a profound sense of loneliness as if while you’re listening you’re just drifting, blissfully unaware. But it makes it so strikingly relevant to everything we do collectively in society today. Everyone has these feelings. Everyone knows where The Beatles are coming from.

Truly outstanding songs talk to you. You don’t listen to them as such, they speak to you, and you listen. I think A Day in The Life is the epitome of that. The song will affect each listener differently. But eventually, you’ll realise why it’s so resonant, so incredible. You’ll understand what it means to you, and you alone.

That is what Sgt Pepper as an album facilitates. Each listener will judge it how they see fit, but to me, it is truly almost perfect.

But it isn’t my greatest album of All Time.

This is.

1 – Fleetwood Mac – Rumours – 1977

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqjXn2NflqU

It’s a masterpiece, people.

What do you all know of heartbreak?

Simply, you don’t forget when your heartbreaks.

If you don’t immediately understand the significance of that then odds are you haven’t felt it yet.

Fleetwood Mac were the first band that truly changed my life. Once I understood Rumours it changed my outlook on where the future would take me.

Honestly the first time I listened to it I didn’t understand it. It took a few tries. But one fateful day I started it and everything clicked into place in my head. I was captivated, and sobbing uncontrollably by the end. I knew I wanted a career in music because of this thing.

The album was released in 1977, and it came at a turbulent time in the lives of the members of the band. The married Mick Fleetwood began a torrid and publicised affair with Stevie Nicks, who was married to Lindsey Buckingham. Meanwhile, the other members of the Band John and Christie McVeigh were also on the brink of divorce.

So basically everything was going wrong.

Rumours was the band’s response to the chaos, the eye of the hurricane and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Each song here is more like a thrilling story, and two of the most memorable are Dreams and Go Your Own Way. The incredible thing here is that these two songs are written from the perspectives of Stevie Nicks and Mick Fleetwood respectively.

ABOUT THE SAME ARGUMENT

Dreams is brutal. Nicks’ lyrics tear into an unknown (but known) person who doesn’t want the same things as she does. It’s angry, bitter and painful stuff.

But even with the darkest subject matter, there’s an undeniable beauty to it. The lyric ‘women they will come and they will go’ will undoubtedly tear you to pieces. Its as if Nicks knows she isn’t good enough, but sings through the pain and uncertainty anyway.

The song, and album, almost reminds me of the music played by those brave musicians on the Titanic. They knew the inevitability of the ship going down but played on with courage. This song makes you feel desperately sorry for the circumstances under which it was written, but it will captivate you from start to finish.

But all stories have two sides

Go Your Own Way is the equally spiteful response to the story of Dreams. Fleetwood lays into an unknown (yet known) woman about how he’s feeling. Again the pain telegraphed here will leave you breathless, just as before.

The lyrics here are what makes the song so remarkable. Fleetwood almost begs for forgiveness but doesn’t back down. He tells the recipient that ‘packing up, shacking up’s all you want to do’. That line destroys me because again its a story of how both parties must have known what was coming.

Yet they bravely knew that the show had to go on.

Every song here is much like these two highlights. Just as heartbreaking, just as melancholy and just as stunning. The adjectives I could use to describe this seminal album just go on and on, so I’ll be blunt.

After almost 21 years Rumours is (thus far) the greatest album I’ve ever heard. I hope you find something to love within it too.

So

Deep Breath

Rest those eyes

We made it

It’s been a pleasure, and it’s been a wild ride. I sincerely hope that each person reading this was happy to dive into my head and pick my brain for a few albums.

I may be a professional musician, which means I’m probably biased, but that’s the amazing thing about music. It means different things to different people.

That means each person can react to this list however they want to.

Get listening. It’s been fun

[totallytubulargirl]

MATING SEASON AFTERMATH! (Poly tmnt x reader)

Authors note: ok so here's the piece no one has been waiting for mating season aftermath! I had to write it I couldn't help myself! This is def going to turn into a poly series/ reverse harem sort of thing! Also sorry this is so long. Summary:You slept with all four brothers, how do you tell them? Do you even tell them at all? I dunno we'll find out I guess lol. Warnings: Mention of sex, cursing (?) (Y/N) woke up, hair in her face and drool staining her cheek, still in the giant orange t-shirt from last night. She laid in bed before memories rushed into her consciousness. "Oh my god!" She yelled to herself. She couldn't believe the events of last night. She was hesitant to check her phone. Even so she grabbed it, bringing it close to her face. Text messages from ALL of them. "Oh fuck!" She yelled again, laughing maniacally. "What am I going to do!?" She realized that they would probably kill each other if they all found out they were sleeping with the same girl, realizing she had a decision to make, but she wasn't quite sure how to make it. Hey. Read Raphaels text. What's up angle cakes hope you're ready for more! I'm coming over! Read Mikey's text. Hey can I come over? Asked Donatello. We need to talk. Said Leo. Oh fuck! She thought sitting straight up on her bed. She heard a soft tap on her window. Four giant turtles sat on her fire escape in the rain, waiting for entry. She wondered how long they had been there, and if they had seen her maniacal cackling. She pulled her window up, allowing the turtles to come in. "Hi guys." She rubbed her hand through her hair, still in michelangelos orange t-shirt. They unfolded before her one bye one. She bent over the window sill, looking at the thunderclouds and what they threatened to bring. She stood up and closed the window, letting the heat from her apartment engulf her again before turning around to face them. They all stared at her, watching the way her ass popped in that orange t-shirt. Leo watched the way her legs stretched to the floor, wanting to tell her a million things, that he wasn't ready for a relationship, but he still wanted to keep seeing her. Raphael watched her messy hair and the way it toppled over her shoulders down her back, she was so beautiful he thought. He wanted his brothers to go away so they could talk about last night. Donatello bit his lip trying not to burst with excitement. He was going to ask her out, he loved last night and he wanted to do it more, with her. He wanted to do everything with her. Mikey just wanted to show off. HE had a beautiful girl last night while they slept away in their beds. "Orange is so your color!" Said Mikey, walking up to her and throwing his muscular arm around her neck. She gripped his hand, and smiled, hoping to keep the balance in the room. "Shut up dingus," Raphael flicked his little brother away. "I think red would look better." The room erupted in shouts about what color she would look in best. "Hey!" She yelled, trying to get their attention. "If you guys just came to fight with each other, you can do that at home." She plopped on her bed, burying her face in the mattress, wanting all the complicated talks to disappear. She knew she had to talk to them eventually. She peeled her face back from her thick comforter, the turtles staring at her intently watching, waiting for her next move. They clung onto her words like water in the desert. "Let's go into the living room." She groaned. They followed her like a mini battalion, carrying out her every command. She slipped on gray sweatpants and a black crop top before following the turtles into her living room. "Does anyone want coffee?" She asked, walking into the kitchen. Donatello and Leo sat at her kitchen island, while Mikey turned on the tv and Raphael watched. "I'll take a cup, I'm still tired from last night." Donatello chorted a slick grin spreading across his face. (Y/N) blushed, all the while gritting her teeth with anxiousness. "Yeah I'll take some coffee too." Added Leo. She poured the steaming brown liquid into coffee mugs with dancing penguins on them. Donnie stood up to grab some sugar. He pulled the sugar from the top cabinet, handing it over. She placed her hand on the sugar, looking into Donatello's eyes. They froze, locked in a gentle gaze. Her hand crawled onto his forearm, grazing it gently. "Can you pass that?" Asked Leo, irritation creeping into his throat. She shook her head and passed the sugar, while Donnie sent a death glare Leo's way. Raphael made an appearance, leaning against the fridge, toothpick sticking out of his mouth. She leaned against her sink, sipping her coffee causally. Inside she felt trapped, the turtles had her surrounded, she had to say something. "So anything new?" She asked. Leonardo chuckled. Her face twisted in surprise, Leo had never made that noise before, not even last night. "Is something funny?" Asked raph. Leonardo regained his composure, clearing his throat, speaking very cautiously. "I just thought she knew about Donnies new-" he paused. "His new invention thingy, tell her don." Leo retorted quickly drawing attention away from himself. "Actually she tried it out last night," beamed Donatello. "It wasn't perfect, but that was my fault," He explained. "I'm making adjustments," he pushed his glasses farther up his face. "it'll be ready tonight, if you're down?" He turned to (y/n), she smiled at the thought. "Actually Donatello," interrupted Leo. "I was going to ask if she wanted to train with me tonight." Leo glanced over at her, gauging her reaction. She felt as if she was in a glass box, there for the turtles to spectate. "Oh yeah THATS what she wants to do." Donatello rolled his eyes and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms. "Well that's not really your decision," snapped Leo. "Is it?" He scowled at Donnie, while Donnie averted his stare. She stood next to Donnie as he placed his hand in the small of her back, cautiously so no one would be able to see. Thoughts of pure bliss flooded her mind at his touch, the memories of last night never giving her rest. She tossed her hair behind her shoulder, desperate to not give away her secret. "Nice hickeys!" Yelled Mikey, from the couch. They all chuckled to themselves, stopping when they noticed they weren't the only ones. "Why are you laughin'?" Raphael asked Leo. "Because Donnie was laughing." Leo pointed towards Donatello. Donatello froze. "Uh," she stuttered. "Actually I think I have a date tonight." She blurted the first thing that came to mind. All the turtles immediately snapped their heads towards her, even Mikey all the way from the living room. Raphael rolled his eyes. "Ya know I think I'm gunna go." He said, walking towards her window. "Come on Raphael," she stopped him. "Don't be like that." He looked at her, suddenly realizing he had 3 other pairs of eyes on him. "Ya alright." He sat on the couch, begrudgingly, next to Mikey. The tension she felt was almost tangible, they all stared at her, hanging onto her every word. "So this date?" Asked donatello. "I uh-" she walked over to Leo and set her coffee cup down next to him. "My mom set me up for this thing like a month ago." She watched their faces melt into disappointment. "I'll cancel it!" She blurted. Oh shit, she thought, this is a disaster. She felt the room relax a little, "So then that's a yes for tonight?" Asked Don. "Sure Donnie." She said quickly. "What about movie night angel cakes?" Yelled Mikey from the couch. "Yeah and I thought you wanted me to teach you how to drive my motorcycle." Raphael interrupted. She bit her finger nails before coming up with a solution. "Ok I'll go train with Leo, then go with raph, then Donnie and finally Mikey," she watched their faces for approval. "Sound good?" Raphael shrugged. "Sounds good to me." He walked towards the window, prying it open. "See ya' shorty." He smirked before jumping out onto the fire escape. "I'll see you tonight." Donnie said, hugging her before following Raphael home. "Saving the best for last!" Mikey yelled behind him before following suit. Silence finally settled in between her and Leo.

[viralhottopics]

‘Rugrats’ Characters Ranked By Betchiness

For this weeks TBT, were going to take a look into the lives of the most influential baby friend group of the ’90s. Im talking, of course, about the Rugrats and, most importantly, how betchy or not betchy each Rugrat is. Is it polite to rank toddlers who have not yet learned to speak based on arbitrary social categories? Probs not. Is it fun? Fucking duh.

1. Cynthia

Heres what we know about Cynthia: 1) Shes a really cool dancer, 2) Shes got cool moves (as long as you move her arms and legs), 3) Shes movin out on the floor, 4) Shes ready to break some eggs (make an omelette Cynthia!) How do we know all this? We know it from her workout tape, which I am shocked has not been sampled by Avicii or Kanye or someone yet (dont listen unless you want this song stuck in your head all day).

Cynthias resting bitch face is on point, and she manages to look great in her belted orange dress despite the fact that she is missing of her hair. Cynthia didnt say or do shit for all 9 seasons of, yet she is still one of the shows most memorable characters, and it is her ability to do no work and remain popular that has earned her the number one slot.

2. Susie Carmichael

Susie Carmichael is cool AF. Did Susie need to appear in every episode? No. Susie had other shit to do. Shell check in every once in awhile to see what the babies are up to, teach them about Kwanzaa and generally let them know whats good, before going back next door to hang with her real friends. Whenever she does come over, the babies flip out because theyre like, obsessed with her (everyone is). Shes also the only person who has absolutely no time for Angelicas bullshit, probably because Susie has better hair, a better outfit, and wears a cool red bangle, which is more than Angelica could ever hope to have. Susie is three, which makes her older and wiser than most of the babies and probably accounts for the sheer lack of fucks she has to give. Did Susie get her ass lost in the woods when Dil was born? Fuck no, she was chilling in Paris getting turnt up with her older sister! Did Susie almost die with the Rugrats in EuroReptarland? No bitch, I just told you shes already been to Paris! Susie Carmichael always comes correct, and thats what earned her the number two spot.

3. Tommy Pickles

Tommy Pickles is the star of the show, which virtually guarantees him betchiness. Tommy also has the whole dressing like a slut thing down and spends all nine seasons of wearing nothing but a crop top and booty shorts. His outfit never stops him from leading his friend group on adventures, and you know once he can talk and operate a phone hed be the person managing the group chat, suggesting what clubs and parties to go to, making sure everyone is getting the free shots they deserve, and seeing you into your Uber at the end of the night. The thing holding Tommy back from the top spot is that hes too fucking nice. Hell let any baby with shit in their diaper come hang with him (cough CHUCKIE cough), and that means his friend group is riddled with duds (HI CHUCKIE). Be a little more discerning about your friend group, Thomas, and maybe well see you up at the top with Cynthia.

4. Angelica Pickles

We cant talk about Cynthia without getting to her BFF and designated Rugrat BSCB, Angelica Pickles. Angelica spent most of torturing the dumb babies (who were really only like a year younger than her) and making them miserable, yet still somehow being invited to all the group hangs, play dates, and brunches. Angelica spends a lot of time telling everyoneincluding the adultshow beautiful she is and is absolutely desperate for attention, probably because her rich AF parents never pay attention to her. Shes your friend who cries and starts shit at the club anytime she feels like shes not the hottest girl there (and she frequently is notthanks Cynthia!) Also girl, lay off the cookies.

5. Charlotte Pickles

Charlotte Pickles is Angelicas mom who is literally always on her phone. Like, always. Even in a time before cellphones could fit in your pocket, Charlotte is always on the phone with her assistant Jonathan (Cheban? We dont know) and ignores basically every member of her family to do so. When phones dont work, Charlotte straight up makes her husbands brother carry a fax machine around so she doesnt miss any important texts. Charlotte alternates between a power suit and workout gear, always accompanied by an Ariana Grande level high ponytail. In , Charlotte displays clear signs of some seriously botched cosmetic surgery, which is what has dropped her down to slot #5. Never try to cut corners on botox, Charlotte! Itll always go wrong. Honestly, Jonathan should have told you that.

6. Grandpa Lou

Grandpa Lou is another character who gives absolutely zero fucks and is down to hang. Much like Corinne, Lou loves naps and often falls asleep halfway through finishing his stories. Despite his old age, Lou is still a fuckboy, and is often seen hitting on women and generally trying to find ways to get laid. If had taken place in 2017, Lou would have definitely had a Tinder and that Tinder definitely would have had a picture of him from 20+ years earlier. Lou is eventually successful in finding a new wife, Lulu, who he moves in with pretty fast after they start hooking up (risky choice, Lou!) Outside of his strangely active love life, Lou also has many frenemies, including his own cousin Miriam; his bowling rival, Billy Strike Maxwell; and some other wrestling guy named Conan McNulty. This proves that when push comes to shove, Lou is just not very popular and kind of an old perv. Sixth place for you, Lou.

7. Phil And Lil Deville

Okay Im sorry, but Phil and Lil are fucking gross. Their diet is a mess, always eating fucking worms and mud and shit. Do you know how many calories are in a ball of worms, kids? Do you? Seriously. There is a episode where Phil and Lil drink straight-up toilet water. What the fuck is that? Is that something babies do? Phil and Lil also have no creativity when it comes to fashion, and instead just dress alike every damn day in greena color that is flattering on exactly 0 people. Their mom is a hardcore feminist, which is cool, but maybe the twins have been empowered to do a little bit too much. Like sure, Lil can do whatever she wants with her life, but maybe eating a giant pile of shit should not be one of those things? Idk. Seventh place.

8. Stu Pickles

Good Lord is Stu Pickles a sad man. Seriously. You have a beautiful house, two healthy babies, a cool Jewish wife who has managed to maintain her pre-baby body, and youre still fucking complaining! Look around, asshole! You have all this shit despite the fact that your dumb ass hasnt invented one successful toy. In fact, you havent even invented one toy that didnt explode and almost kill your entire family. You are literally #blessed but youre too blind to see it! The only thing keeping you from the bottom slot is this meme which, in the current political climate, is legit all of our lives right now:

9. Chuckie Finster

No. Just no. Im sorry, but again, its gonna be a hard pass on Chuckie. Here are all the things Chuckie would have to improve if he ever even wanted to hope to be betchy. 1) His voice, which is terrible. Do you have a cold, Chuckie? Go to the damn doctor. Its the ’90s. Hillary Clinton has passed the State Childrens Health Insurance Plan. You can go to the doctor. Go. 2) Grow. A. Pair. Dude. You know when Chuckie gets older hes gonna be your friend who calls the cops on his own party for getting out of hand. Hes gonna be that guy who side eyes you for doing molly at Coachella, making weird comments under his breath about how you never know whats in that stuff and generally bringing bad vibes despite the fact that Beyonc is literally pregnant and dancing in front of you. 3) The hair is a problem. Comb it. Dye it. Do something. Its a problem. 4) Tie your fucking shoes, dude. 9th place.

10. Chas Finster

There was no character on television from 1991-2004 that was less betchy than Chas Finster. He has all of Chuckies problems, but he is a fucking adult which means he has literally no excuse for being such a narc. Chas seems to be suffering from whatever health problems are affecting his son, and despite being a bureaucrat, apparently has no ability to get his ass to a doctor either. Like many sad old nerds, Chas must travel to a foreign country to find a wife, eventually convincing a way-too-hot-for-him Japanese woman to fly to America and be his Melania. Chas also has a double-Hitler mustache, which is 100% unacceptable, no matter what decade you live in. Sorry, Chas. Last place.

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from ‘Rugrats’ Characters Ranked By Betchiness

[gospelaccordingsam]

Hello from the garden! It’s an absolutely gorgeous evening so I thought it would be totally work dragging my imac desktop computer outside and then using my long extension lead that I use to mow the grass just so I can sit outside in this gorgeous 21C weather! GORGEOUS!

So, let’s get started.

Iris and Alliums

Last year we had these irises out on the 31st May, and the red rose at the top of the garden was in bloom. this week they opened on schedule, but the rose has only just started to break bud! Which is almost two weeks behind last year!

I’m planning on moving these Irises as they are in a weird place in the top bed by themselves and they should be with their friends in a nice clump! (but I love how they pair well with this Allium!)

Salad

I don’t know why it took until the age of 25 to realise I could grow my own salad leaves and never have to buy a lettuce again. I’m not sure if it’s all that cheaper… actually, I haven’t bought lettuce since February… so maybe I’ve saved £6… at most… I guess… It’s just really nice and so easy and you can really grow any lettuce anywhere!

This is my resowing of Swish Chard for this year as last years plants are going to be a little tired this year, but also spinach! I love spinach! Possibly the best salad leaf! steam it, eat it fresh from the garden! a super food!

Anyway, Get a pot, put some compost in there, stick your seeds in (maybe keep them inside in the cool so they germinate) and then stick em outside and you’re done!

Berries for EVERYONE!

  I have a terrible habit of eating all the berries before Sarah gets to them… however, in my defence I basically live outside during the summer months and  look out to the garden from my office… sooo…. who can blame me!?

Anyway, this year should see a bumper crop of Raspberries, strawberries and blueberries!

Planty

the name for our elderflower comes from this sketch from 30 rock:

We’ve had this little guy since he was this big:

This is when Sarah brought him home from the eisteddfod and the view from my old bedroom window… that was a real transformation garden from a gravel bed to a little garden.

Fun fact: The rose and fuchsia are in my current garden but that lavender didn’t survive the move!

This week after about 3 years, planty is blooming!

He’s getting bigger and bigger, (You can see him in the top right corner of the garden behind everything!)

You can also see the Angelica, which Sarah bought after learning that it can be used as a natural sweetener….this morning at breakfast my dear sweet housemate said ‘I’m waiting for it to bloom before I use it’… and I replied ‘that is it in bloom’, ‘well, that’s very underwhelming’ replied Sarah after a brief pause.

So we are either going to use planty to make elderflower or elder berry cordial (which was the original idea when we got him!)

    My peas are looking good too!

These have been out here since April as they are a pretty hardy, I noticed during the winter one of the rogue seeds I planted in a daffodil pot germinated and started to grow well until the snow wiped it out, so I think it’s well worth starting them off inside during march and then throwing them out when it’s not planning on snowing, they’ll take a frost or a big of cold!

Final Update: Chamomile

I’ve been listening to music while doing this update so I feel like this whole blog is going to seem weird and fragmented!

Last year I saw on Gardeners’ World that you need to attract hoverflies to kill aphids by growing plants with small tight flowers, well it worked and I have been living a wonderful pretty much aphid free life ever since.

While I was buying fennel seeds (thats the small tight flowers part of this story) I also saw a packet of chamomile and thought I’d give that a try, well dear reader, I’m gunna make some tea… and then I’m gunna spill the T… something something something drag race glitter sequins wiiiiiiiig. (See I’m cool and down with the kidzzzz.)

It’s been very successfully this year and I’m hoping to get lots of flowers from these plants over the course of the summer.

Long Read: My favourite part of the Garden, so far.

Although this garden is only two years old there is one space that I’m happy with, it works, it doesn’t need to be changed or fiddled with, I would never say I’m 100% certain that I don’t need to move anything, but I think everything is in a good place.

The patch of garden right next to the patio is done. I don’t need to do anything to it. it’s perfect!

It’s where all my original plants are that I moved from our old house to here, while making a dirty mess in my car on the way over but they have produced well enough that I think it was totally worth it… also I seem to have a full bag of rubble in my car every week now, so I tend not to notice it as much.

but this section looks perfect, it’s in the row of tulips, so it has tulips in spring, daffodils, then the alliums take over, then the iris and geranium followed by the lavender, hardy fuchsia and the rose. Maxine will fill in over the summer I’m sure and be a beautiful little ball in time for winter structure.

This section is perfection! it does exactly what I want it to do and I don’t have to do anything to it.

Note: My neighbour just came outside and said hello to Brenda the cat, so I was just completely distracted by whatever just happened, but ‘meowy paws’ is my new favourite nickname for Bren.

Anyway, back to perennials. I was about 90% certain that the little fuchsia was finished after the snow but it’s slowly coming back, hardy fuchsias are usually the last thing to break and get going, I’ve found. they tend to take a while to grow new shoots and I have definitely been very guilty of thinking one had died because it was just so lifeless in late April. I remember last year being very paranoid about this one and cutting it really hard back when it started growing because I thought it was struggling. they are slower plants than the average perennial when it comes to getting back to business, so when it comes to hardy fuchsias I’d say ‘Give it time!’.

The other factors about this corner of the garden that work are the irises, and more notably that they are in a clump. Never underestimate the power of a clump. It sounds stupid and you’d like ‘well they’ve given me 12 bulbs, I’m going to space them out, I don’t want to put them in a sad little clump.’ but it does so much more in the garden than one or two solitary plants spotted about the place. I, of course, am guilting of doing this as well… I mean, it’s economic to want to spread the colour around surely?! And in the winter when I was putting in my Alliums I thought ‘oh I spread them around the garden, which I think works well but this winter when I plant more I’m going to do a drift across the big boarder and into the wildflower bed so it looks a bit more intentional and less like there was a mix up at the bulb factory.

That being said Alliums look best as a ‘casual clump’, poking out as a glorious ‘middle story’. I think their purple heads above an impatient sea of fresh green growth makes the whole garden seem positively Italian…  I’m not 100% sure if that’s even what an Italian city garden would look like… but I am wearing a giant straw hat and have drunk enough wine in this garden to know that when I step out of my kitchen door on a warm summers day, I’m on vacation!

for this spot at this time I’m happy, I think it’ll fill in and look glorious all summer long, but a garden is a process. I think DIY shows where they makeover a garden in a day are a bit silly because if you plant for your garden to look good on the day then it’s going to look good right there and then but maybe not in spring or late summer. In my garden all the work has been done in winter, putting in bulbs, mulching soil (with varying success, I know) and sowing seeds were all done during the cold months so that when we got lovely weather I could shout at my garden ‘Go go go!’

So now, in May, I’m sort of done…. nothing drastic needs to happen… the path has been moved, all my seeds were sown, plants bought, supports put in… I could probably go on holiday for two weeks like I did last year and miss everything.

This part of the garden has really grown and changed as we’ve gone on, mainly through Sarah deciding to put things places. so the parsley was just thrown in ground as a little stump of a plants with very little chance of surviving and is now quite a good bit of winter interest, even if we don’t use that much parsley in our cooking, it still looks pretty good. the same goes for the lemon balm, which quite frankly, should not be there for how aggressive it is! but, for now, It’s all under control, all these plants fighting each other in this little part of my garden are just where I wanted them. now I only have to do the rest of the garden! But I’m absolutely certain that different patches will (not wanting to sound to into plants but) ‘reveal’ themselves to me. And by this I mean, I’ll look at them one day and either think ‘oh that worked out well, great, I don’t need to mess with that’ or I’ll have a vision of what I want the section of garden to look like and it’ll all come together in my mind!

Well, wish me luck with that.

  See ya next time reader! (and by that I mean my one reader, hi mother!)

      Blogging From The Garden Hello from the garden! It's an absolutely gorgeous evening so I thought it would be totally work dragging my imac desktop computer outside and then using my long extension lead that I use to mow the grass just so I can sit outside in this gorgeous 21C weather!

[viralhottopics]

Not so haute: six writers on their biggest fashion mistakes

From tights on the beach to head-to-toe taffeta, writers reveal the outfits they regret

Kenya Hunt My version of day-to-night dressing was a night-time look worn all day

Despite working at a fashion magazine, Ive made a few sartorial mistakes. I comfort myself with the sentiment of an Instagram edict I saw: If youve never looked a little dumb, youre not having fun.

Id count the moment I met my husband as an off day, so it pains me no end that the clothes I wore have become a part of our marital lore. In his mind, the outfit is key to a story that must be retold, again and again: She wore a shiny shirt, tight jeans, big, gold hoop earrings, tall boots and a giant white furry jacket. And I said, I need to know this woman.

This visual loudness the metallics, the big proportions, the shaggy texture was my everyday look back in my late 20s, when I was living and working in New York. I dressed this way to please no one other than myself. I relished being able finally to buy and wear the labels I read about in magazines, but could never find in my suburban childhood home in Virginia.

My version of day-to-night dressing was basically a night-time look worn all day ready for whatever fun might happen later. Id think nothing of a morning commute in glittery Miu Miu heels or a gold Chlo sequin skirt. (To be fair, it was the era of high heels, flashy coats and skirts that were either very big and long, or very short.) No matter what the prevailing trend, Ive always had a soft spot for the razzle. For further proof, see this old image of me in Milan, in bright colour and print, layered on top of more colour and print.

Now, my wardrobe stands on a foundation of grey, navy and black, mostly because it suits my lifestyle and the London weather. I limit the flamboyance to my accessories (a bright shoe, big earring, bold handbag) or show it through shape, such as an enormous puffer jacket. Its just that now I choose pragmatic black rather than hot pink.

Theres a real joy that comes with loud dressing, because it requires a certain kind of go-to-hell spirit. Ive come to indulge this in a more restrained way, but I dont regret the mistakes. If I did, Id have divorced my husband a long time ago, for telling that story so very, very often.

Kenya Hunt is fashion features director of Elle.

Ruth Lewy: To think that this was my coolest look

Ruth Lewy, aged 20, with Dizzee Rascal.

It was May 2006 and I was coming to the end of my first year of university. I had just received my first proper student journalism commission: an interview with Dizzee Rascal. I borrowed a Dictaphone and hastily scrawled down three pages of uninventive questions (What is the best thing youve ever got for free?).

Now the important bit: my look. I loved Dizzee; I knew his two albums back to front and had mastered all the words to Fix Up, Look Sharp. What was I going to wear?

To think, looking back, that this was my very best outfit. My coolest look. Not one floral print top but two, a T-shirt layered over a shirt. Not one necklace, but two. (Made with beads collected while InterRailing around Europe. I know.) My curly hair was slicked back with Brylcreem. Off I went, looking like Laura Ashleys long-lost daughter.

He was courteous, holding eye contact and answering all my inane questions with grace. (The best thing he ever got for free? A lifetimes supply of trainers.) I stood up and shook his hand, and he invited me to his afterparty. The next student journalist sat down and went straight in with a question about homophobic lyrics and issues of representation in pop music, and I thought, Ohhhh, thats what journalism is.

The evening took a strange turn. My friends and I crowded into a bar on the high street, where Dizzee had a roped-off section at the back. It didnt take him long to zone in on my gorgeous friend L, persuading her to leave with him. We were agog.

Twenty minutes later, she was back, laughing her head off at the way he had clumsily propositioned her. She chose us over him.

What do I see when I look at this picture? I feel embarrassed at my choices. But Im also glad I spent my 20s dressing like a weirdo: it demonstrates a self-confidence that I dont think I appreciated at the time. These days, you could still file most of my clothes under eclectic, but Im much more careful, uninventive even. Now I tend to wear only one necklace at a time.

My interview never appeared in the end; the other journalist broke the embargo (she went on to write for the Daily Mail: go figure). I was left with only this blurry picture, a reminder of my youthful enthusiasm for floral prints, and an uncanny impression of Dizzee Rascals best chat-up line.

Ruth Lewy is assistant editor of Guardian Weekend.

Nosheen Iqbal: Everyone else on the beach was 89% naked

Nosheen Iqbal in Tuscany, aged 21.

I was a skittish 21-year-old in the mid noughties and I had, against my will, ended up on a Tuscan beach. It was the height of summer, but I was wearing thick black tights, thicker black skirt, black scarf and witchy pumps . Everyone else was dressed in 89% naked and the entire beach was rammed. Id been sent on a work trip with four other journalists who were, as far as I was concerned, super-old (fortysomething) and, I hoped, probably willing to buy my stubborn refusal to strip as some cool youth thing. (They didnt.) I made an attempt to style it out by looking casually moody, staring out to sea behind sunglasses, pretending not to notice my shoes sinking in the sand, legs looking like inky black stumps.

Why dont you take off your tights?

No.

What about if

No.

A couple of key things: the seaside was not on my itinerary and I hadnt packed for it. I didnt (and dont) own swimwear or a bikini, and I didnt (and dont) know how to swim.

Being Muslim is barely an excuse to look as daft as I did; there are chic ways to be modest by the sea childhood memories of Karachis Clifton beach were proof, where lawn cotton tunic and trousers were everyones friend. But being Muslim, plus an average level of body dysmorphia, was my bikini body ready get-out card. I knew there had to be more comfortable ways to be in public than permanently sucking my stomach in wearing what is, essentially, waterproof underwear. But 100-denier hosiery was definitely not the answer.

The general advice to give a shy 21-year-old should always be, Its not as bad as you think, to allay their disproportionate embarrassment. Except, in this case, the cringe levels are fully warranted; I havent been to a hot, sunny beach since.

Nosheen Iqbal is a commissioning editor for G2.

Morwenna Ferrier: I cant remember why I decided to cut off my hair

Morwenna Ferrier in Aldeburgh in her early 20s.

Other outfits have been more challenging. The mother-of-pearl bustier I wore to my graduation, say. Or, recently, the T-shirt printed with Valerie Solanass Scum manifesto I wore to meet a friends baby. But the outfit I am wearing here, worn on a walk along Aldeburgh beach in Suffolk, is the one I most regret.

It started a few months earlier when, in my early 20s, I decided to cut off my hair. I cant remember why. I imagine I fancied a change and, in fairness, I liked it. But then, I looked like a boy in a dress. I reacted by phasing out dresses and instead wearing drainpipes, striped T-shirts and headscarves. None of this was good. In the photo, Im wearing tight cropped trousers under the dress.

I had spent my late teens in dresses, grungy or flowery, with self-cut hems. It was a more innocent time, when I didnt really care what I wore. But the haircut triggered an anxiety.

What is it I regret? Back then it was the haircut; now, its that I ever worried about looking like a boy. I clearly hadnt been paying attention in those Judith Butler seminars; maybe I was still too attached to the binary. As my hair grew out, I started to care for the first time about how I looked. At 24, late in life, I became self-conscious.

Morwenna Ferrier is the Guardians online fashion editor.

Pam Lucas: I looked like a turkey at Christmas

Pam Lucas at a family party, aged 39.

As a single parent in the 80s, I was dirt poor. I didnt have the opportunity to make fashion faux pas because I didnt have any money. We shopped in jumble sales, and we had fun.

My family was invited to a party to celebrate my aunt and uncles golden wedding anniversary. I didnt know them that well, but my mum wanted me to impress them by looking modern. In the 80s, that meant puffy sleeves and big shoulders. My mother came with me to buy the outfit from BHS , so I had to comply. I was 39 at the time.

It was a beautiful colour between purple and lilac but I didnt like the synthetic fabric. It was watermarked all over and had a flared, taffeta skirt and a little jacket with a peplum. I looked like a turkey at Christmas, but it was such a fab party, I soon forgot how uncomfortable I felt.

In a way the outfit is a testament to my relationship with my mother. I was a grownup, with a child of my own, but she was still trying to keep hold of the mum bit of herself.

Pam Lucas is a model and appears regularly in All Ages.

Tshepo Mokoena: I settled on a vague hippy child look

Tshepo Mokoena at 19.

It would be nice if we could start over. To spare me, and others my age, a fair bit of niggling shame, by wiping all early photos from our Facebook accounts. Anyone who set up a profile between 2004 and 2009 now lugs around the digital baggage of horrible pictures of misspent youth and terrible outfits.

Case in point: this delight of a photo. I was 19, killing time between the second and third years of uni in Brighton. In a few weeks, my housemate and I would set off on an impulsive charity volunteering trip to Kerala because and I still cringe wed watched Wes Andersons The Darjeeling Limited.

Until my early 20s, my aesthetic consisted of not knowing when to edit. At 18, I would layer at least three beaded necklaces, two chunky bracelets, about 17 bangles and seven rings, for no good reason.

I attended secondary school in Harare, Zimbabwe, largely insulated from fashion, more concerned with my whizzing hormones than the latest velour tracksuit. I settled on a vague hippy child look at 15 and filled my wardrobe with earthy prints, flared denim and jewellery picked up in local markets. By 19, I looked like a substitute art teacher.

If youre old enough to have only private, analogue photography from your youth, or young enough to have crafted a near-fictional version of yourself online, youre spared the permanent reminder of your mistakes: 1,287 grim images owned by Mark Zuckerberg. I implore other twentysomethings to join me in calling for a digital purge. Its time.

Tshepo Mokoena is the editor of Noisey.

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