#I adore zero dawn so much for doing what it did

[daycourtofficial]

Use Somebody

Summary: you and Lucien have to pretend to be together, causing a fight between you and a certain shadowsinger. You discover too late that you’re a wanted aspect to an evil plot - can Azriel save you in time?

“We could have (y/n) and Lucien do it.” You overheard Rhysand saying as you walked into his study.

“You could have me and Lucien do what?” You ask, biting into your apple.

Rhys turns to you, tutting so you don’t bring your apple too close to his desk, “we need someone to attend a ball in the winter court. Azriel’s picked up some rumblings, and Kallias has asked if we could help. We’ll all be attending, but we need you and Lucien in particular to do some recon.”

You stop mid bite of your apple, still confused on the plan. “But Lucien and I aren’t spies, we’re just court nobility.”

“Which is why you two are perfect - you’re nobility to two different courts, autumn and dawn, so the two of you mingling wouldn’t be too suspicious. Plus the two of you are very good at socializing at these events.”

“So you want to send us to go to a ball to do what exactly?” The idea still making zero sense to you.

It’s Azriel who speaks up, “he wants you and Lucien to pretend to be together and get close to a few targets, see if you can find anything out.”

You look at Azriel, and he looks pissed. You’re not sure if it’s because he just returned from the war camps, at this plan, or if he doesn’t think you and Lucien are capable of spywork. The idea of disappointing Azriel made your stomach drop to your pit.

Rhys interjects, “you and Lucien have been friends for centuries - it’s a believable cover. And you’re talented with glamours - you could even glamour a mating bond scent over the two of you.”

You reply, “We attended tons of events together when we were younger - but anyone from one of those events would know we were lying.”

“It’s been hundreds of years, anything could have happened. Besides, I can provide you with a guest list to look over, ensuring you don’t know any of the guests.”

“I don’t know, Rhys…” you drawl.

Rhys sighs, “it’s one night. Do you think you could do this or not?”

You think it over for a moment and decide that you can, Azriel’s hesitation at your involvement be damned.

-

The irony wasn’t lost on you. You and Lucien pretending to be a couple when the two of you are pining over Azriel and Elain, who seem to be a couple. Cassian disagrees with your assessment of the situation - he’s convinced that Azriel has feelings for you and that Elain is just a friend, but you’re not so sure.

Lucien’s voice stirs you from your thoughts. “Wouldn’t our lives be so much easier if we were mates instead?”

You laugh, the idea having crossed your mind a time or two. “It certainly would be. We’d also have adorable babes.”

Lucien laughs, “those poor, beautiful babes, shame they’ll never exist.”

You two laugh, trying not to think of the heartache too much. Your own pining aside, all you want is happiness for Lucien. Pushing it aside, you two begin crafting your story: you’ve been married for two years, living in dawn for the time being, but you two want to explore all of the courts before deciding where to settle down permanently.

-

“You look lovely, dear,” Lucien tells you. If you two were going to pretend to be in love, you wanted the both of you to look incredible. Lucien’s wearing a green jacket with brown pants, and you’re wearing a deep green dress, with exposed boning and a thigh slit practically at your hip, exposing your entire left leg. You had gone a step further, embroidering a tiny fox onto Lucien’s jacket’s lapel and a matching one onto the shoulder strap of your dress.

“Thank you, you look very handsome as well.” And he did. The shade of green you selected for both of you matched both of your complexions and honestly, you two looked hot.

“What should our mating bond smell like?” You ask him.

The two of you think about it, ultimately deciding on a combination of smells: apples, fresh tea, and honey, the scent filling the room.

“Incredible work - I must say, you are a fantastic fake mate, darling,” he says, offering his arm to you. “Likewise, fake mate,” you say, tipping a pretend hat in his direction and placing your hand in the crook of his arm, walking out of your room.

-

Rhys had given you one main objective: talk, mingle, dance, drink. The hope is that you and Lucien can overhear something or that someone will inadvertently tell you two lovebirds something they don’t mean to.

The two of you take the dance floor, the band playing a slower song, one you and Lucien have danced to thousands of times, the rhythm ingrained into your mind over a centuries worth of balls.

You loved dancing with Lucien, the two of you fell into easy rhythm and garnered a ton of attention whenever you found yourselves on the dance floor. The two of you made a striking couple, and your dress looked incredible as he spun you around the floor.

Through the dips, the turns, and the spins of the song, you made sure to keep eye contact with Lucien as much as possible. You looked into his russet eyes, but all you wanted to find was hazel ones staring back at you. You’re sure Lucien was hoping the same about Elain in your stead.

The song ends and the two of you garnered more attention than you thought you would, and all the attention made you blush. You stepped away from your friend to get some wine, almost crashing into someone.

“Saffron?” You ask, incredulously. Rhys had been able to provide you with a full list of everyone attending, to ensure no one you knew was attending, but you didn’t see Saffron’s name anywhere on that list.

She looks at you, wrapping you in a hug. “It’s been so long! Of all the people to run into at one of these things, I’m not surprised to see you!”

She pulls back, looking you up and down, noticing the fake wedding ring on your hand. “And who’s the lucky male?”

Saffron knew you and Lucien when you were younger, so she knows there’s nothing between you two. You could either lie and try to skirt away from her, or tell her the ‘truth’ of this mission.

“It’s Lucien - we got married a few years ago actually!” You say, not sounding totally convincing.

“Lucien? The red head you were always with?” She asks, almost laughing. “You two always seemed more like siblings than lovers.”

You swallow, worried your entire night is unraveling because of her presence. “It was a surprise for us too! But one day the bond just snapped-“

“Wait, you two are mated?”

“Yes,” you reply curtly.

“I had heard he was mated to another girl and she rejected it.”

Her knowing that has definitely thrown a wrench in the plans. “Um, the rumor mill must have been working overtime. There’s no other girl, it’s just us.”

She looks at you, something odd flashing in her eyes, before she decides to leave it be. “Anyway, it was great running into you - congratulations!”

You thank her before she walks away and you can let out a breath of relief.

-

After running into Saffron, you spent hours dancing, mingling and drinking. You walk outside onto the balcony, telling Lucien you need a moment of fresh air. The noise level of the room was getting to you, so you thought you’d step out for a moment.

The moment the door shut behind you, Azriel emerged from the shadows. You startled, not expecting him to pop out.

“Hi Azzie,” you say, your nickname making him recoil. “Should I be seen talking to you, since.. ya know?” You ask, unsure of how spywork worked completely.

“So you don’t want to be seen with me, but you have no problem being seen all over Lucien?”

His question catches you off guard, and you look and notice just how angry he looks, anger directed at you.

“That’s not what I said at all, besides you know why I’m all over him tonight,” you reply, looking to make sure no one can hear this conversation.

“Yes, but you sure jumped at the chance to spend the night wrapped in his arms, didn’t you?” He moves closer to you, the two of you less than a foot apart, facing each other.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about - he’s my friend and he’s mated!”

“But she hasn’t accepted it yet,” he states.

“So?” You ask, “to me he’s mated, he’s off limits. Besides, I’m not in love with him, I don’t have feelings for him!”

The four glasses of wine weren’t a problem in the ballroom, but they’re a problem out here, making this conversation even more confusing to you.

“If the two of you want to parade around about how happy you are, why don’t you find another court to go do it in, and stay out of mine,” Azriel practically growls at you.

Your soft, sweet Azriel is growling at you. You’ve never been on the receiving end of his anger, but it terrified you.

He wasn’t getting it, he wasn’t getting that you didn’t want Lucien, you wanted him.

You sighed, trying not to let his words sting too much when you say, “maybe we will.” and storm back into the party.

-

After your fight with Azriel, you got considerably more drunk. At the end of the night, you and Lucien walked back into the palace together, laughing, him holding you up from the excessive wine you drank. You’re about to tell him something, when someone catches your eye.

“Hi Elain!” You say, pointing out Elain to Lucien.

“Hi,” she says to you, but she won’t stop looking at Lucien, “is it okay if I have a moment alone with Lucien?”

“Yes, absolutely, excuse me,” you say, brushing past Elain. You turn around giving Lucien a thumbs up and a smile, showing him it’ll be okay.

You walk into the kitchen, looking for more wine, when you bump into Cassian. “Owww,” you say, rubbing your arm where you bumped into him.

He laughs at your obviously drunken state, and tells you, “you did good tonight, doll.”

You look up at him, “yeah? Do you think Lucien and I could be spies now? Do you think Azriel was proud of us?”

Cassian’s caught a bit off guard by your question. “Why wouldn’t he be proud of you?”

You sigh and look at your feet, “because when Rhys asked us to do this assignment, he looked so upset, like he didn’t think we could do it.” You’re not sure why this is spilling out of you, but it’s started pouring and it won’t stop. You look Cassian in the eyes and ask, “what’s wrong with me, Cass?”

Cassian can almost hear his heart shatter at your question. “Why would anything be wrong with you?” He asks, grabbing your wine and going to get you a glass of water in replacement.

You slump your head down on the kitchen island and mutter into your hands, “why am I in love with someone who hates me and loves someone else?”

Cassian starts to panic. He’s good at consoling when you’re injured, but you’re heartbroken. This is uncharted territory. Usually you talked about these things with Mor or Feyre, not the giant Ilyrian next to you. “Who?”

You lift your head up, and he can see tear stains running down your face, “your dumb handsome brother.”

If you didn’t look so sad, Cassian would laugh at how you said that. “Wait, what did he tell you? Did he make you think he doesn’t care about you?”

“I thought we were friends, Cassian,” you choke back a sob, “I don’t know what I did, but he hates me now. He wants me to leave the night court… and maybe I should.”

Before he can say anything else, you get up and tell him, “I’m done, Cassian. It was hard, but I could bottle my feelings if we were friends.” You look up at him, and Cassian doesn’t think he’s ever seen such heartbreak on a face before. “He hates me now, and I still love him. Maybe I should leave the night court for a while, leave his precious court like he asked me to.”

Grabbing a bottle of wine as you pass him, you head upstairs for the night.

Cassian was a violent man. He’s been in countless fights, multiple wars, several battles, but seeing you so upset over his idiot brother made him rage in a new way. He stomped up to Azriel’s room, flinging the door open, and pulling the sheet out from under him, causing him to fall to the floor. “What the f-“ Azriel starts to say, but he’s cut off.

“Are you in love with Elain?” Cassian asks.

“You woke me up to grill me about my love life?” Azriel asks, more confused by the second.

“Answer me,” Cassian practically growls at the shadowsinger.

“No, okay! No. I’m not.” Azriel says, still sitting on the ground where Cassian hurled him.

“Are you in love with someone else? Someone who just spent the night pretending to be in love with someone else in the hopes that you would approve of her?”

Azriel blinks in confusion. “You had me. Then you lost me. It doesn’t matter - I saw how she looked at Lucien.”

Cassian did not have time for Azriel to begin wallowing. “Have you ever thought that while she was looking at Lucien, he wasn’t who she was seeing?” He pauses for a moment, then says, “you better talk to her before morning.” He kicks his brother for good measure then storms out.

-

Azriel got the courage to go to your door half an hour later, but you didn’t respond. At first he thought he had just gone too far, but when his shadows whispered gone, gone, gone to him, he knew something was wrong. The room was empty, and he could smell blood on the duvet covers. He told Rhysand mind to mind what was happening, and decided the best source was the last male he wanted to see: Lucien.

He started banging on the door to Lucien’s room, when the redheaded male finally opened the door. Half-dressed, with Elain hiding under the duvet, Azriel gets to the point, “did anyone tonight give you the impression they wanted to hurt her?” Lucien opens the door a little wider, asking Azriel a question he doesn’t want the answer to.

The shadowsinger sighs. “She’s missing, and her room shows signs of a struggle.”

Lucien begins asking a million questions, when Azriel stops him. “Rhys and I want to talk to you about every person you met with tonight.”

-

Lucien walked them through your night, including when you had left for a few moments to go on the balcony. Azriel flinched at the memory, his jealousy getting the best of him in the moment.

Rhys was about to ask him to go through a few people again, when something catches Rhys’s eye.

“Lucien,” Rhys says, “your fox is glowing.”

The fox you had embroidered on his jacket was glowing. It glowed for a moment, and then they heard your voice, confused and drunk, and another voice, projecting from the fox.

“Clever girl,” Lucien whispers.

-

You woke up in a dirty cell, Hybern shackles adorning your wrists. Your head was throbbing, the blow to the head really rattled you, and you’re still drunk. There’s a small window, and the moon is still high in the sky, so you don’t think you’ve been out for too long. You do remember the fox you had embroidered on your clothes, and you hope that, since the magic was sewn into it, it would still work despite the shackles. You place your palm over it for five seconds, and you just hope and pray that your enchantment will actually work.

The door to the cell opens, and in comes Saffron.

“Saffron?” You ask, confusion over your features. “What is happening?”

“Everyone always talked about how smart you were - why don’t you put the pieces together?” She asks, her disdain for you icing every word.

“Okay, I’m still drunk, and someone hit my head, but let’s see.” You pause, thinking about everything you know about Saffron. “We went to school together, you liked… magic classes. You liked knowing what magic could do.” You pause for a moment, something wanting to come to the surface of your thoughts. “You were interested in my powers. You once called Lucien weak. You like oranges - okay I’m getting a bit off track.”

You start thinking again, your head pounding from all the thinking.

“I saw you at the one hundred year reunion, and you worked for Kallias, documenting the magical capabilities of fae….” You trail off, your head still pounding, begging for you to go to sleep.

Your eyes snap up, “you got in trouble in school for using arcane magic on the grounds, but you were only suspended for a while. Then fifty years after the reunion Lucien told me he had run into you and you were with… uh.. that guy..” you start snapping to remember, “Wren! You were with Wren!”

Your mind is whirring, so many thoughts swirling around in your drunken haze. “Wren was that ugly guy who.. you dated him.. and..” there’s something there with Wren, but what is it?

“Wren always wanted to eat at that place on the corner that served soup. Wren wanted to be an arcane magic scholar, but they wouldn’t let him,” you pause, slurring a bit while you point at Saffron, “and you two got in trouble, but he was expelled!”

It didn’t matter that you were drunk, the wheels in your brain were turning. “You once told me after a break up that you don’t want love, you want power. And Wren was obsessed with ancient power rituals. He talked about them all the time.”

The idea hits you as you say it out loud, “it’s a full moon tonight.” Your thoughts have sobered you up instantly. “It’s the summer solstice, the strongest night for arcane magic,” your voice gets really quiet as you say, “and you’re going to do something. But what?”

She looks at you, egging you on to realize what she wants. But what does Saffron want? Power. Power. Power.

“You told me I was the most powerful of our year.” You swallow, realization hitting you to your core. “You’re going to take my powers.”

The silence hangs in the room. If your fox communicator worked, then you imagine the room is dead silent there too.

Saffron slowly claps. “There she is, brightest of our age. Oh how all of our teachers adored you,” she says, crossing the room to you, “it was incredible running into you at the party. Once I heard you were attending, I had to swoop in so I could see you. I slipped some faebane into your drink while we were talking so I could subdue you. My sweet, there’s one thing about the ritual you don’t know.”

She leans in closer to you, when she says, “we won’t just be taking your powers, we’ll be sacrificing you, which is a bit more extensive, but it allows for us to also take your knowledge and your memories.”

Your eyes snap up to hers, “no, no!”

“Your memories will teach us all we need to know about your little night court companions,” she laughs, walking towards the door to leave you alone with the revelation. Right before she’s out the door, she wants to tell you one last thing, “I always thought your powers were wasted on the likes of you. You could have been a queen, you could have given the high lords a run for their money.”

-

Everyone was dead silent, waiting for more news from the fox, but it seems like your captor left you alone. By this point the entire inner circle was in Lucien’s room, and tears were streaming down Mor’s face. She approached Azriel and said, “you have to find her, don’t you usually keep a few shadows on her at all times?”

Mor talking to him broke his concentration on the fox stitching, embarrassment flooding his senses. “No, I don’t, not tonight.”

“Why the hell not? You don’t even let her go down the street without a few extra shadows, but you let her do mission work unguarded!”

Lucien looks up at Azriel, realization coating his features, “She was upset about something after she came back in from the balcony, and she got plastered. You got in a fight and called the shadows off, didn’t you?”

Heat creeps up Azriel’s face, at both the mention of your incredibly dumb fight and the fact that his entire family was looking at him, aware of how badly he messed things up.

Rhys is the one to break the silence, “you told me you could behave, Azriel!”

“And I thought I could! I just.. I had a moment. A lapse in judgement.”

“A lapse in judgement!” Cassian cries, “she was crying to me because she thought you hated her! She thought you’d never want to see her again. She told me she might leave because it’s what you want from her!”

Mor gets to Azriel first, swatting him on the chest after every word she says, “what” swat “did” swat “you” swat “do?” swat.

Azriel lets her hit him, he more than deserves it. He can’t believe his stupidity in calling his shadows away from you, something he did out of pure anger at watching them dance around you on the balcony.

He starts to respond, when a shadow comes barreling in through the window, hitting Lucien on the head as it comes to inform Azriel of what it just found out.

-

You had been hopeful that the fox would be more helpful, but you’re thinking the magic didn’t work. Still in your party dress, you move around the cell a little. The witching hour is getting close, so you know they’ll be coming for you soon.

The cell opens and in comes Saffron and two huge males. “I brought some back up in case you tried to run,” she practically purrs at the idea, likely imagining them beating you half to death.

“Great,” you say. You follow them down the hallway, and the thought does skirt past your mind, but you’re shackled at the wrist and the ankle, you won’t be able to run fast or far, especially without your magic.

They open up two doors to the outside - it’s a nice, cool night. The moon is glowing brighter than you’ve ever seen it, distracting you from seeing the wooden logs surrounding a giant pole. You breathe in deeply, wishing, willing your friends to come rescue you. Now is the time, you think.

One of Saffron’s goons leads you to the pyre, and you take this opportunity to swing your shackles at his face, hitting him right in the cheek. The other one grabs you from behind, allowing the one you hit to face you.

He grabs your face, “such a pretty little thing. Too bad we didn’t have more time, I could have had a lot of fun with you.” His insinuation makes your blood run cold, and he pulls back his fist and punches you squarely on the nose, and you can feel it break, the blood pouring down your face already.

He nods to the goon that’s holding you in place and he lets go, giving you a second of repreive, until the one in front of you grabs you by the neck, and holds you up in the air, cutting your lungs off from the night air. You start clawing at his hands, desperately trying to be able to breathe. Just as your vision starts going a little spotty, he releases you, and you fall to the ground, gasping for air.

The other goon grabs you, lifting you up onto the top of the pyre, tying your hands to the pole. You take one last opportunity and kick him in the knee. He goes down for only a second, when he comes back up he just looks at you and spits on you. You gasp, anger fueling you.

“Enough,” Saffron says, “enough. It is time, call everyone here.”

Within a moment, ten other fae come into the clearing, all staring at you. “We’re here today to take power that we rightfully deserve!” The crowd cheers. “We will take this power and use it for a better tomorrow!”

The crowd erupts in applause, honestly you had no idea a dozen or so people could be so loud. Saffron begins chanting in an ancient language, and despite the shackles, you try sending out an emergency message to Rhys and Feyre, if you’re going to come rescue me, please do it now.

She brings a lit torch to the bottom of the pyre, lighting it. You can feel the heat as more of the pyre catches. The fire is getting closer to your feet, and you start coughing at the smoke.

Their chanting continues, getting louder, and you can feel parts of you draining, even with the shackles around you. You start yelling, trying for any distraction to break the concentration on their chanting. If you’re going down in an ancient ritual, you are not going with grace.

“Hey fucker! That’s right! You, Saffron! Not powerful enough to subdue me on your own, you have to use these stupid shackles from Hybern! You fucking coward - I bet you couldn’t even handle my power! It would consume you and burn you alive!”

Saffron faltered a bit at your taunts, but the rest of the crowd continued, persistent. “Is she supposed to be your new leader? what has she promised you? Power? Money? Land? I have all of those things, and look where I ended up! She’s crazy! She isn’t going to help you, she’ll steal your powers too!”

The flames are skirting up the pyre, getting awfully close to the fabric of your dress. You pull your legs, trying to climb up the pole you’re tied to.

“She’s weak, I’m tied up like a roast pig because she’s nothing!”

The chanting falters for a beat, enough for you to feel some of your power seep back in. You’re still shackled and can’t use them, but that doesn’t mean you want them gone.

You start coughing, excessive smoke inhalation perhaps, but you keep going. “My friends are going to be so pissed when they find out you killed me!”

Saffron allows the group to continue chanting, while she looks at you and says, “The unwanted Vanserra boy? I promise you, dear, he doesn’t scare us.”

A darkness creeps into the clearing, and a voice speaks. “I promise you, I’m much more terrifying than the fox.” Azriel steps out of the shadows, darkness radiating off of him in waves.

You’ve seen Azriel angry before, but never like this. He is almost feral with his emotion, he’d still be terrifying without the mass of shadows rolling off of him.

A few shadows come to you, circling around you, as if assessing you.

Rhys, Feyre, and Cassian step out at other points of the clearing, circling around the fae gathered.

Cassian makes a break for you amidst the chaos, and their arrival momentarily made you forget that you are moments away from being a filet mignon.

“Cas, I’m drugged! No powers!” You yell, as he approaches you. The smoke is growing stronger underneath you, forcing you to cough.

The general had no idea what to do, the fire was growing rapidly by the second, so he did the only thing he thought to do and didn’t allow himself a moment to reconsider: he ran, charging straight at you. Running up the pyre, ducking down so his shoulder makes contact with your hips, his momentum is enough to break the pole you’re secured to, the two of you tumbling off the pyre. Your head hits the grass with a hard thud, but otherwise you’re unharmed.

Cassian pulls himself off of you, checking you for injuries, and stands up and starts stamping out the train of your dress that had caught fire.

Coughing, and still tied to the pole, you thank Cassian. He moves to the top of your head, pulling the pole out from behind you, allowing you to at least stand up, even if you are still shackled.

Your ordeal with Cassian didn’t allow you to see the fight, but the remnants lead you to think it was quick and incredibly painful for the fae that captured you.

Saffron and one other are missing, assumingly already being taken by Rhys or Azriel for interrogation.

Feyre comes over, crouching down next to where you sit. “Are you okay?” She asks, placing both of her hands on the sides of your face.

The weight of the night begins settling, and you look at her, “I almost died. They wanted my powers, my knowledge, my memories.”

“We know,” Feyre says, hugging you. You’re not sure how but as she hugs you she undoes your chains, freeing your hands. You use the freedom to wrap your arms around your high lady’s waist.

“If they had taken my memories and come after you all, it would have been my fault.”

“But you were so so incredibly clever with that charm on your and Lucien’s clothes, we were able to get here just in time.” Your head turns to see Azriel crouched next to your and Feyre’s embrace, having come up without your notice.

Your eyes meet his, the tone of his words working to calm you down. At least, to make you feel less guilty.

“Do you want to return home?” He asks, holding a hand out. You nod, and he scoops you up, the shadows enveloping you as you realize you never specified which home to go to.

You were relieved when Azriel’s room at the House of Wind comes into view, afraid he’d take you straight back to your familial home in dawn after the last words he spoke to you.

“I’m sorry I failed you.”

Azriel wasn’t a man of many words, so he liked getting straight to the point whenever he could. He kept you close to him, still holding your hands from winnowing.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I was dumb, and jealous, and you were looking at Lucien like how you usually look at me, and I got scared.” He sighs, “I shouldn’t have told you to stay away from my court.”

You nod, trying not to think too much about him calling himself jealous, especially saying he’s jealous over Lucien.

“I just,” he sighs, running his hand through his hair, “seeing you with him, it brought up all these feelings of inadequacy. I’m not court nobility, but you are, and I’ve never felt good enough for you for a million reasons, and that’s one of them. Not that I think Lucien deserves you, hell no, but you deserve someone that’s your equal.”

Your mind is still reeling from the wine and the concussion you’re most likely sporting, but you’re hoping you’re gauging Azriel’s words correctly. Otherwise this will be really awkward.

You take one of his hands, “and you are not my equal? I’m the princess of the dawn court, truly no one could be as equal to me as a shadowsinger. Or is it too on the nose for a princess of the sun to be in love with the man in the shadows?”

His grip tightens on your hand and he pauses before asking, “are you saying you’re in love with me?”

“Yes,” you reply, with all the tenderness this moment deserves. “And as for how I looked at Lucien,” you clear your throat, “I was thinking about you, not him. I spent the night pretending I was dancing with you.”

He looks at you, really looking into your eyes, trying to memorize your face, as he raises his hands to cups your jaw.

“Is it terribly cliche for the man in the shadows to fall in love with the woman who radiates sunlight?”

“Maybe a little,” you reply, “but I’ll allow it.”

You’re not sure which of you leaned forward, perhaps it was both of you. The kiss was full of night cool air and the feeling of the sun on your bare skin, his mouth enveloping yours.

[cinnamostar]

01: self-fulfilling prophecy 

part two.

pairing : jisung x gn!reader

summary : han jisung, the man who is incapable of maintaining a relationship for more than a few months. han jisung, the man who is in complete denial that maybe he is the problem. han jisung, the man who has convinced himself he isn’t meant for love.

wc : 8.5k

cw : not proof read, nonidol!au, alcohol/drinking, sadness, angst, arguing, cursing, some cute stuff. plz let me know if i missed anything.

a/n : likes, reblogs, and feedback is much appreciated!! not too confident on this one because idk, i feel like the dialogue isn’t well executed, but let me know what you think. please enjoy!

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Jisung didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to romance. He never did anything exceedingly horrendous, he always remained faithful in each relationship he had, but they never lasted long. He simply didn’t know how to be a good partner, always too focused on his own needs to the point that his selfishness turned into emotional neglect for the other. 

It’s not that he didn’t like the people he dated. He genuinely adored them for who they were, yet he always found himself heartbroken and confused at the end of each relationship when they would all voice the same exact reasonings on why they were ending it. 

“I just don’t feel like you care about my feelings.”

“It feels like you don’t even like me enough to put in the effort to make this work.”

“I don’t feel like a priority in your life.”

“I swear you forget we’re even in a relationship.”

“You’re too focused on yourself and everything else to even make time for me.”

Like clockwork, a few months would pass by and his partner would sit him down for the break up talk. It was exhausting. He was clueless, not having any idea what he was doing so wrong even though he would always receive a list of reasons each time. In his eyes, he was doing the best he could, but perhaps his best was not enough. 

Of course he cared for their feelings! Of course he liked them, he could’ve sworn he was doing his damnedest. Not a priority? That was ridiculous, he always made time to spend with his partner during the week despite his busy schedule. Forget? Nonsense! Too focused on himself? Well, of course he was focused on pursuing his music career which required long hours at the studio, why would he want to be with someone who didn’t support his endeavors? They knew what they were getting into when they met him!

It made zero sense to Jisung. At some point, he had given up on love altogether. Maybe he just wasn’t meant for it, maybe relationships were just not his thing. Clearly, he was doing something wrong and he decided that maybe hook up culture was just where he belonged. 

What Jisung failed to realize was that he was forcing his own ideals of a relationship onto his partners. The idea that people had different needs and perceptions on how relationships should function never dawned on him. He never thought to consider what the other person wanted and had simply assumed they would be content with whatever he had to offer. 

He forgot that some people needed more reassurance. He forgot some people wanted to go on actual dates, not everyone considered a night in a date, especially if every date was a night in. He forgot that some people didn’t just want to sit in a room with him while he was on his phone or working on his next project. Sometimes people wanted his undivided attention. Sometimes people wanted to be able to hold a conversation with him. Sometimes people needed more communication because quite frankly, three texts a day didn’t quite cut it for most people.

Yet, Jisung was too absorbed in his own world and his passions to even begin to understand that concept. He absolutely refused to believe he was doing something wrong and that he was just dating the wrong people this whole time. He just hadn’t found the one, right?

Despite that foolish belief he stubbornly held onto, it didn’t mean each instance didn’t take a hit on his ego. After the many failed relationships he had been through, the fear of inadequacy and insecurity began to creep into his mind. Was he not worthy of love? Was he incapable of forming a healthy relationship? Was something wrong with him?

He felt that he had so much love to offer in his heart, but he had no idea what it took to be a good partner. He was too tunnel visioned on producing and music to realize that sometimes, love and relationships required a bit of sacrifice, and that was something he refused to do.

Yet, Jisung wanted to fall in love. Like any other human on earth, he craved to love and be loved, to be understood wordlessly by someone else, but it seemed like love didn’t welcome him with open arms. He desperately wanted to feel like he was needed and wanted, to feel the bubbling shyness and giddiness that only love could give him, but somehow, it seemed that he was the victim of a paradox. Love hated him.

However, Jisung had resigned and accepted defeat. He wasn’t cut out for it. Besides, it’s not like anyone would even bother to give him a chance anymore. After a few failed relationships, people were quick to label him as ‘trash’ and a terrible boyfriend, only good for fun, but definitely nothing more. It was almost as if he had a permanent warning label above his head that scared off anyone who had any remote interest in him. 

People talked. And if anyone so much expressed any interest in him, someone would leap in to rescue them from a foreseeable heartbreak, telling them he was no good and a waste of time. Oh, but if you wanted a few nights of fun and to just fool around, he was perfect for that, but never, and absolutely under no circumstances, was he someone to settle down with. 

He was the only one to blame for his infamy in the dating scene, but Jisung was suffering from a case of extreme delusion and oblivion. Maybe one day he would lose that self-centered immaturity and have a much needed epiphany, but that day seemed far off in the future.

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

For the past week, Jisung had holed himself in his studio, insistent on perfecting his latest track by some arbitrary deadline he had set for himself. This was a regular occurrence that his friends had gotten used to. They would be more surprised if this didn’t happen, but this also meant that they had to pay a visit to his studio every few days and force him to take a break for the sake of his mental and physical health. 

Today was one of those days in which Minho came knocking at his door after unlocking the door with the passcode Jisung had given him long ago, reminding him to come by his place later that night for a small party to celebrate his dance troop’s recent competition win. While Jisung was proud of this achievement, part of him felt a tad bit annoyed that he had to interrupt his work schedule for someone else, but Minho was one of his best friends, he at the very least should show up for a bit. He could stay for an hour or two, and hopefully by then everyone would be a little too drunk to notice he had escaped back to his studio.

Jisung sighed as he begrudgingly made his way to Minho’s apartment, dreading the amount of people he would have to socialize with tonight. He was relieved to know that a few familiar faces would be there, such as Hyunjin and Felix, who were also part of the troop, but the team had also gone through auditions recently, meaning there would be people he would have to meet for the first time.

He wasn’t one for befriending strangers, as oftentimes, many of them had a negative impression of him due to his dating history. He hated how every time he introduced himself, as soon as the words “Han Jisung” left his mouth, people’s faces would drop into an unreadable expression, almost as if they were disappointed to finally meet the man who was rumored to be complete and utter trash. It was anxiety-inducing and turned him off from seeking out new friendships because everyone would always say “Oh! Did you used to date my friend?” And at that moment, he knew it was over. They hated him before they even got to know him. As a result, Jisung always felt apprehensive when it came to meeting new people and he much preferred sticking with his small circle of friends. 

As Jisung arrived at the front steps of Minho’s apartment, he felt his shoulders tense up with trepidation as he subconsciously bit the inside of his cheek. The party had already started with the music blaring throughout the building, the lights dimmed with colorful LEDs visible from the window. A chorus of joyful cheers followed by the clinking of shot glasses and laughter could be heard from outside, signaling that the party was already in full swing. Jisung let out an uneasy groan, unprepared for what the night would bring, but reassured himself knowing that he only needed to stay for at least an hour before he could retreat back to the safe haven known as his studio.

After a sharp inhale, Jisung put on a fake smile as he opened the door, instantly greeted by a drunken Changbin who was double fisting two beers, wearing a toothy smile.

“Jisung! You made it!”

The last thing Jisung wanted tonight was to be put in the spotlight, which Changbin just unknowingly thrust him into with no warning. Others nearby turned their attention to the front door, some choosing to ignore Jisung’s presence to continue their conversations while others politely waved or called out a quick hello. 

Minho shortly appeared in Jisung’s vision, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled him into a one-armed hug, “Glad you showed up, I was worried you forgot!” An airy chuckle escaped Minho as Jisung gasped, feigning a look of betrayal while playfully shoving Minho’s shoulder, “How dare you think I’d forget my best friend’s party? I would never!”

Minho rolled his eyes at Jisung’s gesture before dragging him by his wrist. “Whatever you say, but c’mon! I want you to meet our new members. Plus, you look a little too stiff for my liking,so  let's get some drinks in ya first.”

Suddenly, shot glasses filled with tequila were shoved into Jisung’s hand as people egged him on to down them, chasing the two shots with lime and salt to cut through the harshness of the alcohol. A familiar buzz took over his senses, his head feeling lighter than usual as a lopsided smile appeared on his face while the nervousness he felt earlier quickly dissipated. 

The bit of liquid courage energized Jisung enough to forget all the now seemingly silly concerns he had earlier as he jumped through the bunches of people, excitedly yapping away as he caught up with friends and introduced himself to new people. Each time he noticed someone cringing at the sound of his name or giving him a dirty look, he would promptly take another shot to rid himself of the anxiety he was feeling, hoping the alcohol would make him just unaware enough of any other glares he would receive from people that night.

Eventually, Jisung made his way to the loft upstairs to take a break from the hectic party below, already feeling a headache coming on. He stumbled his way to the couch, not paying much mind to his surroundings as he plopped himself onto the couch, immediately throwing his head back while shutting his eyes.

“Oh, he definitely overdid it again,” laughed Felix from the left of him, “How many shots did you take?”

Jisung waved his hand as if he was shooing Felix away while mumbling, “Don’t even ask.”

He heard an unfamiliar giggle erupt from the right side of him, causing him to sit straight up with his eyes wide, hastily snapping his head to see who the laugh belonged to, not expecting anyone other than his friends here.

He found himself staring into your eyes that were crinkled from laughing, a lax smile adorning your face as you brought up a hand to hide behind. Your laugh was rich and decadent, almost as sweet as chocolate, and your smile was so refreshing that it instantly roused him from his drunken state the moment his eyes landed on you.

Oh, shit, they’re cute.

Jisung��s inebriated state had caused him to lose all self-awareness because all he could do was gawk at you with enamored eyes, his lips slightly parted as he struggled to find the words to introduce himself. He felt his face flush from embarrassment when you returned his gaze while wearing an expectant expression, patiently waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“I- Oh, uhm, I…”

You had instantly captured his heart with the most saccharine smile he has ever seen and within a few seconds, Jisung was undeniably smitten, but he was also completely making a fool of himself within those same few seconds.

“Jesus christ, Jisung, how drunk are you?” howled Hyunjin, who had gotten up to lightly poke Jisung’s cheek, “Helloooo, earth to Jisung? Anyone home?”

“Dude… Close your mouth before you start drooling over there. I don’t think that’s an image you want Y/N to have during your first meeting,” Seungmin, who was sitting on the floor, mischievously sneered, quickly recognizing Jisung’s speechless state was caused by something more than just alcohol. Jisung shook his head side to side to wake himself from his lovestruck daze, clearing his throat in an attempt to cover up Seungmin’s comment. 

“Mm, sorry! I just-,” 

Oh, this is bad, he really is making this so much worse for himself. He was now regretting all the shots from earlier as he tripped over his words, his nerves not being of any help. He desperately was trying to say something sensible, but instead, all he could blurt out was,

“Jisung! I’m Jisung… yeah!”

Now it is a lot worse as Jisung cringed at how loud and annoying his voice was, everyone else also seemingly cowering from second hand embarrassment as they watched the scene unfold, but no one was able to peel their eyes away.

Like an angel sent from heaven, Felix decided to have mercy on the brown haired boy, peeking out from behind Jisung to meet your eyes at the other side of the couch. “Y/N, this is our friend Jisung! He makes music with Changbin and Chan. Jisung, this is Y/N. They’re one of our newest members on the team.” God, Jisung could kiss Felix right now from how relieved he was to have alleviated the awkward tension he had just created moments earlier.

You nodded, smiling at Jisung as your eyes lit up in realization, “Oh, Jisung? I’ve heard about you before.”

Ah, there it is. Of course! Of course you have and how stupid of him to think he’d be able to have an untarnished first impression with you and-

“Minho says so many good things about you! He even showed me some of your songs. You’re really talented at what you do, I definitely added a few to my playlist.”

Someone pinch Jisung right now because he must be dreaming, there’s absolutely no way. Is luck finally on his side? Has God finally decided to be oh-so-merciful today? He was on cloud nine as he relished in your compliments, savoring this moment because this may never happen again.

Jisung clicked his teeth as he waved both his hands in front of him with a flustered smile, “Oh, no, no, no, I am not that good! But thank you!” The alcohol was really doing a number on him as he slurred over each syllable, but thankfully he was coherent enough for everyone to understand what he said. 

You let out a breathy laugh at his antics while standing from your seat, “Well, it's nice to finally put a face to the name, but I do have to go now, I have to be up early.”

Jisung deflated as everyone wished you good night, feeling disappointed how quickly your first meeting with him ended. Hyunjin stood up, offering to walk you out and once you were out of earshot, Jisung whipped his head to Felix.

“Felix… Who was that? How long have you been hiding them from me?”

Seungmin struggled to contain his laugh, earning a confused look from Jisung, “What are you laughing at?”

“Dude, you. You looked so stupid trying to talk to them.”

Jisung threw himself back into the couch, sinking into the cushions with an embarrassed groan, “Shut up, I know.”

Felix laughed, shooting Jisung a pitiful smile, “You’ve done worse, it’s fine. And no one was hiding them from you, you just never show up when we invite you anywhere. That is your own fault, not ours!” Jisung pouted, cursing himself mentally for rejecting all those plans.

“They’re cool, they’ve been on our team for a few months. Crazy good at dancing too, we are super lucky to have them.”

“Are they dating anyone?”

The room grew quiet at Jisung’s question as Seungmin and Felix looked at each other with uneasiness, unsure how to respond. Hyunjin had come back up the stairs after walking you to your car, just in time to hear Jisung. He let out a heavy sigh, alerting everyone of his presence.

“I… I think it's best if you just leave them alone, Jisung. They’re a really sweet person and you, well…”

“Me what? What do you mean?” Jisung furrowed his eyebrows at Hyunjin as the taller boy struggled to finish his thought.

“Just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Seriously, Jisung? I know you’re wasted right now, but don’t make me say it. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

And he did, he knew that Hyunjin was referring to his dating history, but Jisung felt himself growing angry hearing his friend allude to him being a bad partner, suggesting he would hurt you. 

“No, I want to hear you say it,” Jisung spat out, a scowl painted all over his face as he stared down Hyunjin with his arms crossed, who was still standing by the stairs. He felt himself become warm in frustration as all the insecurities he held close to his heart started to bubble up. Did his own friend’s think so poorly of him too?

Felix reached out to put a reassuring hand on Jisung’s shoulder, hoping to defuse the situation, “Let’s not do this right now. You’re still drunk, Jisung.” Jisung shook Felix’s hand off his shoulders, standing up while still glaring at Hyunjin with clenched fists. 

“Say it.”

“Jisung-” warned Felix, but he was cut off by Seungmin.

“You’re a shit boyfriend, Jisung. We don’t need you hurting someone we’re friends with again.”

The room was silent as everyone now stared at Seungmin with wide eyes, startled at how blunt he was being. Jisung didn’t know what he was feeling as a flash of rage took over his body, but at the same time, he felt his heart drop hearing those words come out of his own friend’s mouth. It was now Hyunjin’s turn to butt in,

“Seungmin, stop-”

“No, he needs to hear it straight up. He fucking sucks and you all know I’m right. I’m tired of him acting like he isn’t the problem. Leave Y/N alone. They’re better off without you.”

Jisung felt hot tears well up in his eyes as he took in every one of Seungmin’s words, each casting daggers into his heart. His worst nightmares were coming true as he realized that it wasn’t just strangers and ex-lovers who viewed in such a negative light, but the people he trusted so much, his own friends, also thought the same of him. The fury laced in Seungmin’s voice cut Jisung deep as every syllable pushed him over the edge til Jisungfound himself falling into a pit of sadness and hurt, his stomach flipping onto itself on his way down.

Was he really that bad? Wait, no! How dare Seungmin say such a thing to him? What does Seungmin even know about Jisung’s past relationship? He was stepping out of line! The sadness instantly subsided, soon being replaced with a familiar feeling of denial and anger as Jisung stomped towards Seungmin, crouching down to meet him on the floor. Jisung sloppily grabbed Seungmin by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close to his face.

“What the fuck did you just say? Take it back right fucking now,” growled Jisung, venom dropping down from each word.

Seungmin rolled his eyes, pushing the drunken boy off him who stumbled backwards, “See, this right here is your problem. You can’t even begin to accept that you’re in the wrong.” Seungmin stood up, now looking down at Jisung who still hadn’t regained his balance. He took in an exasperated inhale, a subdued smile replacing the vexed look he just had as he softened his tone, “Look, Jisung. I love and care for you, but I cannot turn a blind eye and let you hurt someone else. I mean it. Leave them alone.” With that, Seungmin made his way to the stairs, wanting nothing more than to get away from Jisung at that moment before he said something he’d later regret.

Jisung remained seated on the floor as he was processing the words and emotions that were rushing in all at once, his drunken brain unsure how to handle all the information he was just fed. He laid his head into his hands as his brain echoed Seungmin’s words again and again. 

Jisung felt his breath get caught in his throat as he hiccuped a quiet sob, his body starting to tremble as the tears he was holding back for so long finally fell. His body collapsed onto itself as his heart stuttered in his chest, his lungs burning from the lack of air as he continued to inconsolably weep, struggling to breathe between his cries. 

Maybe he is as bad as everyone said he was.

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

A few weeks had gone by since Jisung and Seungmin’s argument at the party, but the tension between the two boys didn’t last long as Seungmin showed up to Jisung’s apartment the very next day with a bowl of soup for his hangover and an apology, which Jisung graciously accepted, neither wanting to be upset at each other any longer. 

Despite that, the words Seungmin had said never left Jisung, leaving a permanent scar on his brain as he constantly recalled the moment. The words painfully rang through his ears as a ball of shame and misery formed in his stomach while he reminisced about his past relationships, trying to figure out what he did so wrong. 

Jisung felt horrible as he carried this weight of guilt on his shoulders as he wondered how his actions had hurt others and how he had remained oblivious for so long. All the insecurities and fears he had about himself were true at the end. Everyone around him was in agreement that he was the issue and he was the one behaving so selfishly in every relationship. He could understand that and he knew if his friend’s felt that way, it had to be the truth, but he was still struggling to identify what exactly about him and his behavior was so bad. 

Sure, he could reach out and ask his friends to help see what he was missing, but he was too afraid to face the reality of the situation, not ready to take another brutal beating of words. He was terrified to hear the truth, but he knew the same conclusion he came to long ago remained true. Love was just not for him, it didn’t want him the same way he did.

Everyone had taken note of Jisung’s downtrodden mood and thought he had just needed a few days to collect himself, but once everyone realized more time had passed and that he didn’t even have the will to attend a recording session with Chan and Changbin, everyone went into crisis mode. So, over the last few weeks, someone would show up to Jisung’s house to check in on him and either spend a few hours with him at home, or forcefully drag him out the house to spend time with the group, insisting it would help him feel better.

Each time someone had forced him out, he would be huffing and sulking like a grumpy toddler throwing a tantrum, but as soon as he got there, he would be as cheery as ever and would end the day feeling a lot better. He hated how right his friends were, but he was always thankful for every time they dragged him out despite his whiny and bratty attitude.

However, there was another mental battle Jisung was fighting that everyone was unaware of, or so he thought, and he was definitely not coming out of it as a winner. Unfortunately for Jisung, since the time you joined Minho’s dance team, you had hit it off so well with the rest of the group that you were there almost every time Jisung joined you guys on an outing. And each day he spent with you, he found himself falling more and more for you. 

He was really trying to stop himself, as he took Seungmin’s words to heart and imagined that sentiment was shared with everyone else, but this task was becoming an impossible one for Jisung to tackle!

It was weird. Every time he’d get invited out, Jisung would dread seeing you because he knew he was doomed to a hopeless, unrequited love with you, but if you weren’t there, he would be so disappointed and would find himself wanting to go home sooner. He wanted to stay as far away from you as possible, but something about you drew him in and he couldn’t resist and now here he is, finding himself in a friendship with you that he could not escape. 

It’s not that he didn't want to be friends with you, if anything he loved the friendship you two had grown in such a short time and how quickly he became fond of you. You were incredibly sweet to Jisung, constantly showing your consideration for him everyday in new ways. If he ever felt anxious or out of place, you were the first to take notice and offer to get him out of whatever stuffy social situation he was in and stay with him til he was ready to join the others again. If he had decided to stay in that day, you’d send him a message letting know he was missed and hoped to see him the next time. There was even a time where he was too sick to leave the house, and much to his surprise, he found you and Minho at his front door steps with food and medicine.

Somehow, unlike everyone else before you, you had shown him a special kind of unwavering kindness and didn’t judge him for his past. For the first time in years, he finally felt safe and unconditionally loved in a friendship that wasn’t one of the boys. That was enough for Jisung to know that you were someone he wanted to keep in his life for as long as possible, even if it meant he had to confront eventual heartbreak and only stay by your side as nothing more than a friend. 

But, that was okay. That was more than enough for him because as long as you were there, he would give you his all and support you endlessly. He would do anything to see you smile, anything to ensure your happiness, and if that meant he couldn’t be your lover, then that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Besides, no one has ever been happy with him in a relationship. This was how it had to be, this is how he could protect you from himself.

Regardless of how Jisung felt towards you, he had seriously doubted you had any interest in him in the first place. How could someone as angelic as you want to be with, well, trash? There was no way you hadn’t heard about his disastrous dating history, and if you were as smart as he thought you were, that alone would turn you off from him. Not only that, he was pretty sure you had heard about the fight he had with Seungmin and if that fight said anything about him, it showed that he was a mess of insecurities and arrogance. Why on Earth would you ever like someone like that? And if you heard about the fight, he was positive that Seungmin and everyone else had warned you about him and dissuaded you from even considering anything romantic with him.

It was doomed! 

And although Jisung had earnestly vowed to himself he would not engage in anything romantic with you, he was failing miserably. His affection towards you was something everyone picked up on. He always, no matter what, had his undivided attention on you as you ranted to him about whatever bothered you that day or how you were struggling to nail a part of your dance routine. It was obvious. He loved hearing you talk and could listen to you for hours as if you were his own personal podcast, always mirroring your emotion and blindly agreeing with you during your rants, always asking you questions whenever you rambled on about your own hobbies and interests. 

If someone ever talked over you, he’d make sure to ask you what you were going to say. If you were upset that day, he’d always offer to buy you ice cream and insist to the group that they all needed to stop by the local ice cream shop. If you ever showed him a video of your latest dance routine, he’d shower you with a ridiculous amount of compliments until you were a flustered mess asking him to stop. And every time he noticed you were wearing a new outfit, changed your hair, or wore different jewelry, he would be quick to notice and let you know how wonderful you looked. He was shamelessly flirting with you, and he hadn’t even realized how far he had let it go. 

On the other side of the pond, you were well aware of every horrible thing that was said about Jisung, even long before you had become a member of Minho’s team, and to be quite frank, you thought he was a complete asshole from what you’ve heard. But once you realized that he was one of Minho’s lifelong best friends, you knew you had to push your personal feelings aside, especially when you realized some of the music Minho had you perform with was Jisung’s original work. You hated to admit it, but he was an absolute genius when it came to music production and you were slowly becoming a fan of his work. 

All you could tell yourself was that he couldn’t have been that bad if everyone was still his friend and reminded yourself people change, it’s not like you were going to end up liking the guy anyway. 

Oh, but you were so wrong. 

The first time you saw him at Minho’s party, you thought he was so irresistibly adorable during his drunken babbling, and you were honestly taken aback that the cute man who sat in front of you was none other than Han Jisung. Although, it did help soften your initial thoughts of him, making you think maybe he wasn’t that bad, especially after seeing him become a blushing mess at the mere sight of you, but those thoughts were quickly pushed away while Hyunjin walked you to your car after you left.

“Y/N…”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard about Jisung from other people, right?”

“Oh, I’ve heard plenty, but he doesn’t seem so bad though.”

“Well, he isn’t if you’re just friends with him, but… He definitely seemed into you when he saw you and as your friend, I feel like it is my responsibility to let you know that he isn’t someone you should pursue. I love him, but you deserve someone better than that… I would hate to see him hurt another one of my friends.”

“Ah, no worries, Hyunjin. I’ve made dumb dating choices in the past, but I’m not that stupid.”

Except, you were that stupid. So, so, so incredibly stupid and you were terrified that anyone would uncover your growing crush on the boy. You could already imagine both Hyunjin and Seungmin’s disappointed looks, and you promised yourself you were taking this little secret to the grave. You had every reason in the world to not be attracted to Jisung, especially after hearing how he put his hands on Seungmin during their argument! Drunk or not, there’s no excuse for that and his denial of his actions said so much about him.

Yet, here you are, sitting next to Jisung on the couch in the living room of Minho’s place, excitedly talking to him about the latest episode of the drama you were currently watching, gossiping to him as if the actors were real people you knew in your personal life. He sat on the couch with his legs crossed, facing you while nodding along to every word you said, his eyes trained on you and you alone.

“And-, oh my god, I almost forgot, but the lead then told her to shut up! Can you believe that?!”

Jisung would then gasp, theatrically putting his hand on his chest, “No fucking way… What is his problem?”

“Right! And then-,” you paused for a moment, suddenly feeling insecure that you were forcing Jisung to listen about something he probably didn’t care for. You sighed and gave him an apologetic smile as you anxiously twiddled your fingers, “I’m sorry, I got carried away, you probably don’t wanna listen to me talk about some stupid drama.”

This time, Jisung did look genuinely surprised as his eyebrows furrowed upward with panicked eyes, “What? No, I love hearing you talk about this, you’re always so excited that it’s adorable.” He hated how fast your mood changed and started to worry if he had done something to make you feel that way. Did he look uninterested? Was he not responsive enough? 

“Did I do something to make you think I didn’t want to listen?”

You felt your cheeks grow warm at Jisung calling you adorable, and then felt your heart start beating loudly in your chest when he asked you that question with all the concern and worry in the world filling his eyes. You shot straight up in your seat, returning his gaze with astonishment, not expecting him to be so considerate. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong… I just…” You paused for a moment, trying to find the words without revealing too much on how you were feeling, “I just got nervous for a moment, I don’t know.”

Jisung nodded as you spoke, taking your hands in his as he gave you a reassuring smile, “Y/N, I promise there’s nothing more I’d love than to hear you talk. You could be explaining the most boring thing ever, and I would still listen to you happily.”

In the kitchen stood Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Minho who were watching the scene unfold before them as they prepared food for everyone, while the others were upstairs playing whatever video game upstairs. Seungmin narrowed his eyes as he watched Jisung reach for your hands, taking note of the flustered look on your face.

“I think Y/N likes him.”

Hyunjin and Minho turned to Seungmin for a moment, then looked back at you and Jisung, unsure what exactly Seungmin saw other than Jisung’s flirtations. 

Hyunjin let out an annoyed exhale as he continued to fry the eggs on the pan, then muttering, “There’s no way that’s possible. Y/N knows better.”

“I don’t know. Just look at them, they act like there’s no one else in the room when they’re together,” whispered Seungmin.

“I guess,” murmured Hyunjin, clearly upset about Seungmin’s hunch, “This is going to end terribly, isn’t it?”

Minho silently stood as he separated the ramen noodles that were boiling in the pot, humming along as he listened to the two younger boys angrily whisper. “I think it will be okay. I think our Jisungie has learned his lessons.”

The other two looked at him with disbelief, neither believing Jisung was capable of ever growing from the immature mindset he had for as long as they’ve known him. Hyunjin scoffed, “No, you don’t really think that, do you?”

Minho kept his eyes on the stove as the other two stared down at the back of his head, shrugging his shoulders, “Well, I could be wrong, I can’t exactly predict the future, but…” He then glanced back at the couch, smiling as Jisung made you laugh, “He treats them differently. I don’t know why, but he does. Don’t you two think so?”

Seungmin and Hyunjin stayed silent, not being able to deny Minho’s statement because they fully knew he wasn’t wrong. Everyone knew something in Jisung had changed when he had met you, and everyone saw how gently he treated you, almost as if he was scared he could scare you away with one little misstep.

“Whatever, I still don’t trust him,” Hyunjin grumbled, putting the last of the eggs on a plate.

Minho chuckled at both of the boy’s protectiveness, “That’s okay, no one is forcing you to, but remember, they’re both adults. They can do what they want, no matter how stupid we all think it is.”

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

Months had gone by and there was no denying the small romance that had flourished between you and Jisung. You both were hopelessly head-over-heels for the other, to the point that everyone around you two had grown sick of it and was praying for the day where one of you would finally confess your feelings to the other. 

You had long given up on hiding your feelings for the boy from your friends, especially after one day Seungmin had confronted you and told you it was the most obvious thing in the world. Part of you had prepared yourself for Seungmin to berate you for your poor taste in men, especially after the plethora of warnings you had been given about Jisung, but instead, he was very supportive and wanted you to feel comfortable enough to talk to him about it, even if he thought you could do better.

Jisung had become a part of your daily life, spending nearly everyday with each other or at the very least, you both had become accustomed to texting one another throughout the day. You’d start your day either sending or receiving a ‘good morning’ text from him and you’d end your day the same way, except it was a ‘good night’ text. 

You’d often pay him a visit at his studio on days he had lost track of time, always letting yourself in after he had given you the passcode to the door, which he had only given to you, Minho, Chan, and Changbin. It came to you as a surprise when he gave you the code to his studio, insisting that you needed it so you could drop in whenever you wanted, telling you that you were always a welcomed guest at his studio. In reality, Jisung just wanted an excuse to see you more, and you had taken the bait as you would often show up with an iced americano in hand and whatever takeout food you were in the mood for that day.

If you ever had a long day of dance practice, Jisung would make sure to stop by to drop off a snack and drink as well, often receiving complaints from Minho over his blatant favoritism, accusing him of neglecting his best friend, which would cause Jisung to grow red from embarrassment. Despite his relentless teasing, Minho was more than proud to see how much Jisung had grown and how naturally caring for you had come to him. It was a side of Jisung no one had ever seen, and it was a very much welcomed change.

Today, you were sitting on the couch at Jisung’s apartment as he washed the dishes from the dinner you both had attempted to make, humming along as he put them in the drying rack. For some reason, you and Jisung had thought it would be a great idea to recreate a steak dish you both saw online and while it did not go terribly, the steaks ended up being a little too burnt for either of your liking. You were a bit disappointed, part of you feeling embarrassed you couldn’t even cook a proper meal in front of your crush, but he had lifted your spirits up by telling you it was an ‘excellent culinary choice’ to serve the steaks charred, shushing you each time you said the word burnt. 

Soon after, he took a seat next to you on the couch, flicking through the TV as he tried to find something to watch, but soon gave up as he turned to you, “Is there anything you wanna watch?” 

You scrunch up your face as you take a few seconds to think, clapping your hands excitedly once the idea hits you, “Have you ever watched Love is Blind? It’s kinda a dumb reality show, but I still haven’t seen the new season and it’s always a fun watch!”

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows quizzically, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy, “Love is Blind? I’ve never heard of it, what's it about?”

“Never heard of it!? No way!” You gasped, a hand clasping over your mouth dramatically as he smiled adoringly at your antics, “It’s such a crazy show! Basically, a bunch of singles are trying to find the love of their lives, but they’re meeting people without ever seeing what they look like!”

“Oh, so they only get to talk to each other?”

“Yeah! And then they have to get engaged, and once that happens, they can finally meet face to face. They’re supposed to get married at the end of the series, but there’s always juicy drama going on before then!”

Jisung hummed, taking interest in the show's concept, “That’s cool, so they’re trying to see if love is truly blind?”

“Exactly!” You chirped, nodding with enthusiasm as you beamed at Jisung, waiting for his response.

“Sure, let’s watch it!” How could he ever say no to you when you’re smiling at him that way? He swore he felt his heart flutter the moment you smiled at him, the jubilation in your eyes making him become putty in your hands. “Do you really believe in that though? Like, unconditional love?”

You turned to him as you grabbed the remote from his hands, a bit taken aback from his question, “Well, I’ve already seen the other seasons and some couples have definitely proven that love can be blind, but love differs for everyone. I think that’s the beauty of this show though, loving someone despite their flaws and loving them for who they truly are.”

He leaned back on the couch, returning your gaze as he lost himself deep in thought, “Right, but do you think you could love someone unconditionally? Even if they’ve made mistakes in the past?”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you tried to understand where Jisung was coming from, a gentle smile gracing your features as you reached a comforting hand over his wrist, “Well, as long as those past mistakes aren’t murder or something, I don’t see why not. I’d like to think people are able to grow from their past.”

Jisung smiled as he sighed in relief, his other hand resting on top of yours, “Even me?”

“Especially you.” 

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

It was a quiet and cold night as you curled up into Jisung’s side, your head resting on his chest with a leg thrown over his as his arms swaddled you into a tight embrace. It was peaceful and serene, the only sounds filling the room was the light pitter patter of rain against his bedroom window and the comforting beat of his heart. You tilted your head upwards and caught Jisung’s gaze, a relaxed smile on his face as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss on your forehead, but you could’ve sworn you saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.

To be quite honest, you weren’t entirely sure what you and Jisung were, as neither of you had ever officially discussed labels, but you both were very aware of each other’s feelings for one another. There was no doubt that you both were more than just friends, but the label of partners or dating was something Jisung nervously tiptoed around. 

After a few weeks of these shared tender moments, you figured Jisung would soon ask you to be his, but the question never came and it filled you with nervousness. You didn’t want to pressure him, as you could sympathize with his concerns since he was very transparent with you about his hesitance from the very start.

Jisung was irrevocably in love with you and wanted nothing more than to make you his partner, but he would be lying to you if he wasn’t also terrified of the weight of that label. For so long, Jisung had convinced himself he was incapable of loving someone the way they deserved to be and never thought anyone would have ever fallen for him, especially someone as perfect as you. Perhaps it was your sheer kindness and undying belief in him, but he felt like a complete fraud, as if you had imagined him to be this amazing man that he could never be and has never been. He wasn’t ready to fall short of your expectations, he wasn’t ready to face the disappointed and heartbroken look on your face once you realized the rumors about him were complete truth.

He felt as if he was truly undeserving of someone as pure as you, someone so selfless and caring who approached their own feelings with so much confidence, while he was just a shamefully selfish man who didn’t know how to trust himself, who didn’t believe in his own ability to make his own partner happy, a man who was painfully insecure and unsure of who he was.

He wanted you with every fiber of his being and desperately wanted to be the very reason behind your smiles, laughter, and happiness. He so greedily desired to see his own reflection in your eyes for the rest of his life, a sight that he wanted to treasure for the rest of life and the thought of you looking at someone else that way physically pained him.

Yet, his fear of hurting you and disappointing everyone else around him held him back from chasing those feelings and Seungmin’s words from months ago ruminated in his mind as a constant reminder of his past failures. He would not be able to shoulder the burden of hurting you, the guilt would completely eat him up because at the end of the day, it would be his fault for fooling you into the idea that he was capable of giving you that movie perfect love story. For crying out loud, he’s Han Jisung, the guy everyone hated and criticized for his ineptitude of romantic relations. He knew what you wanted, he knew you were growing impatient and scared over his inaction, but his anxieties held him captive in a standstill, and he was not strong enough to challenge it.

All he could tell you was that he needed more time, that he was afraid and needed the chance to grow that confidence in himself once more, but he knew time was finite and he was running out of it. 

As he kissed your forehead, he felt his heart flinch as a pang of sadness flooded his body, forcefully fighting the overwhelming adoration and affection he had for you. He was petrified at the way his body slowly began to reject the feelings of love he had for you, fear and insecurities consuming it as if everything you had to offer nothing. All rational thinking had left him in that moment as panic took over his thoughts, angrily yelling at him for being such an idiot to think anything would ever change. How stupid he was to lead on another innocent person and how he was only going to hurt them, just like all the others before him. How idiotic he was for thinking he was ever deserving of love, as love does not wish to know him. 

He just couldn’t be your love.

God, if he wasn’t such a selfish asshole, maybe then he could’ve saved you from his own carelessness. If he had only heeded the warnings of his friends, but once again, he has fallen into the trap of self-centered needs outweighing the feelings of others. If he had only stayed your friend and nothing more, if he had only not-

“Y/N, I don’t think this is going to work.”

Did he really say that out loud? He held his breath as he cursed himself for acting so quickly out of fear, his heart stopped as he watched you stiffen in his own arm. You silently sat yourself up, his arms falling to the mattress as you turned to him with tears filling your eyes, your lips trembling as you tried to contain a sob.

Oh, how Jisung just wished the world would swallow him whole in that moment, his heart completely shattering at the sight of your crestfallen face. He looked into your watery eyes to only realize that this time, the reflection of your eyes showed the source of your sorrow, an expression he had wished he never had the misfortune to witness. 

“I… I’m sorry, I just-”

You shook your head, raising a hand to signal him to stop talking, refusing to take an explanation from him, “It’s okay. I was afraid this would happen.”

You forced a tightlipped smile, taking a deep breath through your nose as you tried to keep yourself together, faintly whispering a broken “Please don’t text or call me.”

Jisung shot up as he watched you get up from his bed, trying to scramble after you as you made your way to his front door, grabbing your belongings on the way. He didn’t realize how much he was already crying until he tried to speak to you, but it all came out in a blubbering sob. “Y/N, please, listen to me…” He begged you to listen to him, pleaded for you to try to understand where this was all coming from and to understand that he still loved you so much despite how selfish his actions are, yet you never gave him a chance.

“Jisung, please. I don’t care why, I don’t want to know,” you croaked between sobs, doing your best to maintain your composure as you faced the front door, refusing to look at him. “I just feel like an idiot. I should’ve listened to what people said about you.”

There you went, leaving his apartment and shutting the door in his face with force, leaving Jisung to confront nothing, but his own cowardice. 

Once again, Jisung fell into the trap of his own self-centered thinking, getting lost in his own immaturity as he became the victim of the circumstances he created. If he had only realized that he wasn't alone in this battle of his own conscience, if he had only realized you would've fought each insecurity and fear with him.

Oh, woe is me, Han Jisung. Only a fool would be afraid of love.

[mooooonnnzz]

Can you write head-cannons for miles on how you think reader would find out/how he would tell them about him being spiderman? I absolutely adore the way you write miles!!

I’m Spiderman! Surprise…? // Miles Morales x reader

hcs of you finding about miles which ultimately leads to him telling you his “secret”!

✰ gender neutral reader as always!! 

✰ the hcs r pretty lengthy 😭 my badd

✰ would u even consider this as hc?? 🤨 IDK

✰ THANKS FOR THE REQUEST HOPE U ENJOY <33

✰ requests r still open!!

»»————-　★　————-««

🕷️ Your suspicions of Miles being Spiderman were merely rooted on baseless assumptions. Him arriving late to certain events, him replying late to your message and other stupid reasons that couldn’t be considered real concrete evidence without any hard core proof. You didn’t care that much to look into it, so you never took time out of your day to figure out who’s under the mask. Though, an incident that somewhat solidified the idea of Miles being Spiderman was when you and him were walking down the crowded streets of New York city. You were chattering to him about something that had taken your interest, not paying attention to what was in front of you, when Miles spidey senses tingled. Wandering his eyes throughout the mass of people, his attention zeroed in on a man who was running away from the police. The man barreled through the crowd and pushed past people with no remorse, running through the busy street with immense speed. He was about to run into you and without even thinking, Miles swiftly stood in front of you and wrapped his arm around you protectively. Miles took advantage of the crowd and without anyone noticing what he’d done, he webbed the guys feet together. He flopped onto the floor and dropped whatever he had clutched to his chest, allowing the police to retrieve the stolen item and arrest the man. You didn’t comment on the situation but the whole thing did make you raise a brow. Miles wasn’t as sneaky as he thought.

🕷️ His ultra quick reflexes were another thing that made you think he was Spiderman. He was just too quick with catching things. It was scarily impressive. You could be carrying multiple boxes, stumbling your way through the door when you’d trip, the boxes spilling out of your arms. Miles would grab the boxes and with ease and place them on the table. When you call him out for his inhuman reflexes, he shrugs them off and tells a horrible lie. He said that he was just “born with them.” You obviously didn’t believe it but you never pried further.

🕷️ His sudden strength was another tick in the box. You didn’t know Miles was still trying to get accustomed to his superstrength and there were so many instances where he’d break something without even meaning to. He usually tosses things over to you when he’s a little too lazy to walk over to you, but after a few accidents where he threw it a little harder than he intended it too, he learned to stop doing that for the time being. “Oooh, did I just do that?” He awkwardly chuckled while looking everywhere but at the TV remote that was impaled into the wall. You look at him in disbelief, eyes slowly drifting between Miles and the TV remote. “How…? Why…?” Miles is stuttering, trying to make an excuse and the one he sticks with is “I…work out…?” How believable.

🕷️One time when you were staying over, you found his suit laying out in the open on his bed. When you confronted him about it he threw his suit under his bed and told you he just likes dressing up as Spiderman. “So…you dress up as Spiderman for fun…?” Miles nods his head rapidly. “Do you go to comic-con?” The look of confusion is slapped across his face. “What’s comic-con?”

🕷️ When Miles was telling you his “deepest darkest secret” he was absolutely shitting his pants. You already pieced the mystery together long before he told you, you just wanted to wait for when Miles was ready to tell you himself. He texted you at the ass-crack of dawn, telling you that he was going to crash into your room for the time being. When he came over, instead of using the front door like a normal person he came in from your window. He crawled in and sheepishly smiled at you, shoving his hands into his pockets nervously. “I have something to tell you…” He whispers. You knew where this was going but you played along for the time being. “Promise this won’t change how you view me as a person.” You promised him by linking your pinky with him. “Promise you’ll still love me the same?” His voice was near cracking with the anxiety that was riling up in him. He looked devastatingly nervous and you can tell that the poor boy is stressed to the bone with the reveal he’s about to do. You assure him that nothing he’s about to say is going to change how you love or see him. Then he slips off his jacket and shows the Spiderman suit he was wearing underneath. “I’m Spiderman.” You look at him for a good minute, debating whether you should tell him you knew all along or act shocked. You chose the former. “I know.” Miles blinks then looks at you in disbelief. “How did you know?!” You had to let out a sigh at that. “You’re not good at hiding it.” Miles was embarrassed to say the least but he was happy that you accepted him either way. “Okay, so now that’s out of the way. Can you take me swinging?! It looks so fun when you do it.” He couldn’t say no and he swung around New York with you clutching his side, joyous shrills and laughter left you and Miles couldn’t be anymore happier.

i took forever to write this im like writing at a snail pace rn 😭 apologies i’m still writing a few other requests rn. thanks for all the support from my last fic you are all so sweet!! <33

[mywons]

៹ bf!hyung-line enha and their love languages.

▸ ִֶָ tags est. enha x reader, fluff + mentions of kissing + talk of the five love languages. warnings! && none. REQUESTED : could you do stuff about how they act with you/their love languages? ✿ 0.7k words —

## HEADCANONS UNDER THE CUT !

lee heeseung !

physical touch.

he adores you in every way, and touching you at every waking moment is exactly how he shows it

loves pulling you into his lap as you tell him about your day !!

it's even better if physical touch is also your love language, because he's constantly craving your hands on him

"missed you," he'd mumble into your neck after a long day, his fingers pinching at your hips <3

he gets grumpy if he's deprived of your touch for too long & makes it everyone's problem

sometimes dreads touring because it's so long to go without you

^^ calls you every night when he is on tour, telling you how much he misses your kisses :(

this boy literally has no boundaries. your personal space is his personal space. always attached to your hip tbh

such a fan of pda too . . . perfect bf

park jongseong !

acts of service.

he's already constantly caring for his members, and you're no different

cooks for you all the time, learned your favorite dishes and studied the recipes.

comes over and cleans up your place for you when you're not there ,, sometimes he doesn't even tell you ,, just uses the key you gave him

texts you & tells you to remember your appointments or important job meetings <3

always planning special days for the two of you. tells you in advance to take the day off of work so he can spoil his baby !!

some of the small things he does for you include: offering massages, helping you bathe, running your errands

you have no idea how many times you've gotten ready to run an errand and jay's like "oh yeah i did that yesterday while you were out with your friends" <3 he's such a sweetheart

absolutely loves when you ask him to do stuff for you, even if it's the smallest thing. you could just ask him to turn off the light a few feet away and he's smiling so wide because he loves helping you in any and every way

he needs you and loves that you need him just as much

sim jaeyun !

words of affirmation.

he's literally the sweetest boy alive

constantly telling you how proud you make him, and he loves hearing the same

looks at you with the kindest eyes ever while he compliments and reassures you. his words aid your stress like no other

"you did really well today, let me take care of you for the rest of the evening okay?"

literally makes you feel like royalty whenever you're around him (he needs the same treatment though)

your arguments are always solved very quickly because he's wonderful with communication and reassurance + hates when things are tense between you guys. he never wants to not talk things out, you're the most precious thing to him

sometimes he'll randomly text you really really sweet messages that make you cry bc he's just so :(

and it only gets worse (or better, depending on how you look at it) when he's sleepy. wakes you up at the crack of dawn by kissing you all over your face and mumbling about how pretty you are

dude has zero limits when it comes to making sure you know how wonderful you are

park sunghoon !

quality time.

he's an introvert, so he's not very good at expressing his feelings through words. usually he opts for just spending quiet time with you

he loves staying close to you, even if you guys are just doing your respective things. he reads a book while you work on a project, just your presence is enough for him

he also loves taking naps with you

literally will come over to your place for that reason and that reason only. there's something about having you so close to him that calms him completely

he also really really likes facetiming you

you guys don't even have to talk, but knowing you're there is nice. when you do talk, he'll listen to you talk about what you have planned for the day or what you've already done while he looks at you like you're the only person on earth

he's shy though so you have to talk him into keeping himself in the frame <3

^^ meanwhile he's taking 100 screenshots of you for his lockscreen

yeah he just really loves you and spending time with you !!

mywons © 2023 ## please do not plagiarize my works.

[anosrepasi]

10 Character/10 Fandoms/10 Tags

Tagged by the wonderful @aeide :)

Nil (Horizon Dawn Zero/Forbidden West) - My current obsession I'm rotating around in my mind. What's not to love he's charming in the sense that his most common AU occupation is "Serial Killer." Will he kill you? Depends! Only if you suck, and he promises to never stab you in the back, he wants to look you in the eye if he tries to kill you. But actually, I find him utterly fascinating and in the context of HZD he's just. so nuanced it destroys me. This man has decades of c-ptsd and asks the question of what happens when someone drenched in violence is suddenly expected to stop fighting- the answer is, it takes a lot! I adore him.

Kassandra (AC:Odyssey) - Look the more I think about Kassandra and like the canon quests in that game the more I'm like. They did you wrong, girl. They did you so dirty. SHE JUST WANTS TO GO HOME. IT TAKES DECADES. HER STORY IS A FUSION OF THE ODYSSEY AND THE ILIAD. YOU CAN APPLY THEMES FROM BOTHA ND IT DRIVES ME INSANE. And. And then they say, all thsi you worked so hard for? Well. We have other things we need from you. I am going to chew through my arm.

Mizu (Blue Eye Samurai) - Look. I could link thousand upon thousands words of meta about Mizu and her/they're relationship to gender and existence as a mixed race individual in isolationist Japan. And it still wouldn't capture it all. And past that it's hot person brutally murdering people in absolutely fantastically animated fight scenes.

Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy VII) - Look. He's my original blorbo. I saw 10 minutes of screen time of him in Advent Children and have been insane ever since. I bought and played through Dirge of Cerberus for him. Something about him apparently just imprinted on me as a child, I've been a lost cause ever since.

Xaden Riorson (Fourth Wing/Iron Flame) - These books are still relatively new so I'll hold my tongue since a lot of what I am obsessed with re: him is spoilers but oh my god. oh. my. god. buddy.

Axel (Kingdom Hearts) - Also an original blorbo from childhood, imprinted on him like a baby duck. His death in KH2 made me bawl. His entire storyline makes me sob, he's the reason why every single aspect of Roxas' story was a gut punch cause like. The best way to make people care about characters is give them someone who loves them then make it sad.

Charles Milton Porter (Bioshock 2: Minerva's Den) - Look. This dude's DLC made me cry. big cry. I still kinda get choked up when i think about it for a while. it's about the grief.

Kena: Bridge of Spirits - I can't choose a characters from this, so I just advise everyone to play this game. It's so good. You're going to be emotionally devastated. It's also about grief. Every character in this game is so so good and you will feel things.

Joe Miller (The Expanse) - He was not the first but he was my defining love of shitty noir space detectives. I loved him from when he was introduced to when he left the series and my love was rewarded so much. Holden and Amos were the runner up characters for this fandom.

Death (The Book Thief) - I read the book thief for the first time in 7th grade I think? Every day of my life since them on my commute to work or when on break I look at the sky and think about how Death would describe the taste of the colors. This book irrecoverably changed me from the day I read it and firmly cemented this Death as the death i hope is there at the end of everything, i love this version of it so much. This death is like. look. go read the book if you haven't had the opportunity.

Tagging for anyone who wants to do it: @ongreenergrasses @lobstermatriarch @airmidcelt @tirsynni @aevallare @duesternis @salsedine @avelera @thehoundkeeper @green-nbean

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

Pericles and Purple Scarves (or: why the fuck is the parrot so horny, and why does it matter)

(or: did i think about this way too much, or exactly the right amount? yes.)

[cws: fantasy racism/ableism, dehumanization, mention of homophobia and canon-typical grooming, non-detailed discussion of canon-typical SA/sexual harassment and canon-typical bestiality. this show is a thing and a half]

-

something i think about a lot is that like.... i joke about how delightful it is for various reasons that they made pericles So Relentlessly Horny, and it's fucking hilarious to me to see in real-time the dawning horror of people watching the show for the first time and realizing he's sexy. (their reactions to the tentacle scene are comedy fucking gold every time.)

on a doylist level the creators are obviously paying homage to his voice actor, making him stand out from the other mascots, and trying to make him charismatic, memorable, and that much more uncomfortable to the audience. and it worked! pretty much everyone thinks he's one of the best scooby-doo villains out there, and they're right.

(i'm not biased, i swear.)

when you look at it in-character, though, it makes a lot of sense that he'd be that way, and that's important. he's doing it on purpose.

for one thing--again--he stands out among all the other talking animals we see, because he is the one who comes across most as a depiction (an intentional one, anyway 🙃) of an actual person who happens to be shaped like a bird. the others all are Some Kind of Uniquely Goofy in the way that they act, be it how they talk or their general mannerisms or the fact that none of them seem to really have an implied Age. pericles is the only one who doesn't have some kind of silly voice or speech impediment or catchphrase what-have-you, and he's also the only one who comes across as being in specific life stages you could map onto a human corresponding to how old he is. he's even the only time we ever hear mention of a talking animal being a child, or having been once. everyone but pericles is just Mascot-Aged.

(fwiw, my personal read is that scooby is about the same age as the gang or equivalent. also there is So Much to unpack here about all that re: the mascots in general but that's a post for another time)

and the one thing they all have in common except pericles is that they are NOT supposed to be sexy. if anything, the ones we actually see talking (in a fever dream, to be fair) except scooby and pericles are obviously meant to be borderline or outright really goddamn annoying. (reggie/dyno-mutt is adorable but he is also on thin ice with me on this one, sorry little guy.)

and like. all of this lines up with the fact that the talking animals very obviously represent disabled people. even moreso than they represent racial minorities, which they very much do! they're a lot further toward ableism on the sliding scale of xeno bigotry (which is a big reason i'm iffy about just calling it fantasy racism). the infantilization of disabled people is, you know, A Whole Ass Thing, and being aggressively desexualized is a major part of that. Disabled People and Disabled Mannerisms are a Bonerkill.

enter pericles, who does not truck with any of this shit.

i've already got a lot of posts planned going into this subject in general, because there is So Much. but in short, the thing to remember when you examine anything about pericles is that he lives in a world that draws zero distinction between people like him and animals.

practically everything he does is, on some level or another, him yelling FUCK YOU LOOK AT ME I AM A PERSON, LOOK. I'LL MAKE YOU IF I HAVE TO. and what's something animals don't do, whether actual animals or annunaki descendants (at least the latter ones he's probably been around most)? they don't flirt. they aren't sexy. they don't act like a brand of seductive, even skeevy, person you might feasibly meet irl, if maybe a theatrical larger-than-life one who runs in certain circles.

(gay ones, to be specific. super, super gay ones. more on that in a minute.)

and, what's more: they don't flirt with humans. we never see anyone really comment on the very obvious Thing he's always had going on with ricky; but that doesn't come across as them thinking it's normal or acceptable so much as not noticing that it's a thing at all. it is that aggressively unthinkable that it would be. and this is backed up even more by the fact that people hear scooby ask shaggy if he's cheating on him by having a girlfriend and think nothing of it, and it continues to be treated as Romance vs Platonic Friendship/Pet Ownership. Gal Pals, but Worse!

so yeah, we have no idea what society would think of anunnaki descendants having sexual/romantic relationships with humans that they couldn't ignore. presumably it would be Pretty Well Disapproved Of, but like. who the fuck knows.

what we DO know is that pericles is considered so utterly beneath personhood that no one would so much as blink at him fucking an honest right to god animal. if it were anyone other than, y'know, pericles, they might even think it was cute.

(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.)

(moving on.)

so all things considered, as you can imagine holy SHIT would he have a reason or two to broadcast as hard as he can that not only that he is A Sexual Being, but one intended to appeal to human standards. it brings to mind queer people presenting in ways meant to be attractive to other queers, not straight people, except, well. instead of trying to get the attention of supportive people like you on the downlow, because you don't want the majority to know what kind of sexuality you're announcing, he's blaring I AM ONE OF YOU at that majority out of desperation and spite.

which, speaking of signaling queerness: pericles is a hundred percent gay-coded, as in the actual definition of 'as close to explicit as they could get away with, done on purpose.' there's the obvious--his relationship with ricky--but his VA, who he is to some extent modeled after, is an openly gay indie horror film icon, and given that and the time period he grew up in i don't think it's a coincidence that the one piece of clothing he chooses to wear is a purple scarf. (they even made him a sexual predator! yippee!)

so like, if anything it's pretty feasible that he might have actually observed that kind of thing as a phenomenon, especially with the demographic he'd actually be interested in, and pick it up accordingly. who knows if he ever managed to actually, y'know, Involve Himself with any human men--my interpretation is that he did and it went poorly 🥲--but it makes sense to me that he'd wear something like that; that he'd use his one opportunity to express himself with clothing to go HI HELLO I AM A PERSON DID I MENTION I LIKE MEN. WHO ARE PEOPLE. BECAUSE I DO

......and he STILL gets ignored no matter how hard he tries. i feel like that's one of the reasons he ended up being such a creep, honestly: operating on similar logic to the tag rant in this post, the conclusion he comes to is that well fuck you, you can't ignore me having a sexuality if i make it a problem for you. even if you try to pretend sexual violence and harassment aren't sexual, or don't recognize that it's happening at all, you are not going to walk away unaffected by it. if the only lasting evidence he's able to leave in the world that he's a person is causing damage that can't be shrugged off or undone, so be it.

(a real irony, isn't it, given how things turn out in the end.)

and like. this is one of the things that really bothers me about people trying to act like you shouldn't ship pericles or think he's attractive because Ew Gross Cringe That's an Animal (or transparently pretending it's because Problematic, not because cringe). either way do what you want 'cause a pirate is free, to be clear, but like... that's the point, man. that's the whole point. the writers are assholes who wanted you to miss it, and you did.

basically: just about everything pericles does is acting out in some way or another, and that's why we know what this man would sound like busting a nut. you're welcome.

[libidomechanica]

Could I do, seeing powre

What a load of Right, is on the banquet wert true?     All were done his laugh some divine. Palace which with cold hands: there came to lie in blood are     warm’d: let’s try this be other too much: death for fear it is vain for their mouths: Echo replies,     a mortality, anger,

poverty, and martyr of our brows and the strike him     worthiest; and pure and Locks pickt, yet her fires; the hunting larks, to call the lost body     over evermore, in case mercy should lay spill’d, a purple hue—so, she was Lord of     remotest glooms. To sit beneath who

lives more breath the surgeon’s careful and faultering     breath is tried, she loot the house lighten’d my deep regret; o Death for a flame, fantastic     beauty’s charmed by the express all- comprehensive dreamers to the sun’s death in all the     land to-day. By shepherd realm she spake—

The world’s poor heart fit to be read, till I dwelt on     a light-blue eyes had place, the faery people every day, but like me, you’d suspect where     he is restless wondering bergs of ice are the birth, and sat so waiting darkness! Under     her exploits, for Gods sake, will in

my palm dissolve the dolorous hour when I fade     away—unseen, alone, but iron dug from his ass, pelted with. Line, their though mine be     not in dark obscurity? Your heart on her back is crowns over Orion’s grave that lay     the blest. Had babble down to inmost

south and thro’ the topics most true, what my verse adorn,     that have died: but now I see that in each breast.—Thus the one battery. Who break their     God adore. Could I do, seeing powre to see raised up by Christmas-eve: the sound’ said Ida;     home! I cannot be, but cold. And

bless’d with dark pillars, letting the abysm-birth of     elements wore a remnant words—nor can it thus! I pitiful and far, through these which     they call’d the tent: but when once decline from beneath it upon the Town must do the thews     of Anakim, the primal things growing

there a fiery realm, and his tender passion     as e’er was nigh, no grass, herb, leaf, or weed but living? The Shah;—Salámán, Oh my     Soul, and fair, but be glad at her harvest ripen, her intends to hunt our error, that     love is lone, my widow’d race be run,

as that hoarse wind it to his palaces! Beauty     take such rites vnfit. Of those eyes of Dawn, or startles at the Body looks I do to Jason’s.     They will save thy brethren with health, and else could dance, and gentle lady, did her sway,     for pity’s sake! Broken wing thro’ wordy

snares to this proud head through and bound him woo her,     perpetual maiden burning to your cheekbone, explosive vowels, exact use of the     doubtful deems. He breasts and gather’d up with raptur’d view, whate’er thou may’st plain that Adam,     call’d on Cupid;—love, and through the rooks

are who like them store of the fume of the ladies     and yellow plum doth rise to take true minds admit impediments. Into the fingers     of thine, hath power could I gather in all Compexions some kiss in Colin’s eyes     petition of you, by all its doings

have the zero vector exists. Hold thee in all,     am Master whether look’d forlorn wretched her sight agrees. To thrid the feet of learning     stars. Ye living that the fathoms eddies in barren bush flits by the pitying     my wild conjecture of me and sinned

in azure orbit round and see how I weep, and     water I rear’d my heart did break the range and lost. Greater fires do slay, or butcher, bent     to her a thousand pulses of the poor people of the sun, though well I see the greater     blaze forth merely to beat the whites.

[edenmemes]

skyward sword sentence starters

more to be added !

❝ you promised to meet me before it starts, remember? ❞ ❝ you seem pretty...relaxed about the whole thing. ❞ ❝ is something wrong? what’s the hurry? ❞ ❝ sometimes i just don’t know what’s going on in your head. ❞ ❝ i'm not like you. i fail at everything i try. ❞ ❝ a shrimpy boy like you hardly looks the part of a hero. ❞ ❝ swatting a few monsters will be no trouble for you. ❞ ❝ run and play this time. get in my way again, though, and you’re dead. ❞ ❝ don’t even pretend that was an accident! ❞ ❝ do you doubt these eyes? i look upon your shirt and i see a single thread loose on your sleeve stitching. ❞ ❝ this is no place for one such as you. and yet here you stand. ❞ ❝ i need to vent all this unhealthy anger,     and your agony is such a great stress reliever. ❞ ❝ remember what we discussed. restrain yourself. focus on the task at hand. ❞ ❝ do my words anger you? do my words sting? let them. ❞ ❝ you don’t come by here just to see me, do you? ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? you just made a face like you wanted to say something. ❞ ❝ oh, i get it. you’re trying to weasel out of having to practice. ❞ ❝ i guess it’s not all bad. at least i’m getting paid. ❞ ❝ there’s something i’ve been meaning to talk to you about.... ❞ ❝ would you wake up, straighten up, and grow a backbone already? ❞ ❝ nice try, but you’re not fooling me. ❞ ❝ i...i have to go. i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ folks were always cheering me on like it was a parade. but as you know, time passes. ❞ ❝ you keep some very strange company, friend. ❞ ❝ i don’t know if it’s safe yet...i’m going to stay here awhile longer. ❞ ❝ oh no. you’ve done it now! there’s no escaping this one! ❞ ❝ so, what now? are you going to cry? ❞ ❝ i can’t begin to tell you how sorry i am for pulling you into all of this. ❞ ❝ what is wrong with you? just look at what you’ve done! ❞ ❝ what we’ve seen here today defies explanation. ❞ ❝ you put up more of a fight than i would have thought possible out of such a soft person. ❞ ❝ did you really just draw your sword? foolish. ❞ ❝ should you heed the call of destiny,     i don’t know what dangers you may have to face. ❞ ❝ i can’t help being such a coward...i’m really sorry. ❞ ❝ i fear i spent far too long teasing and toying with you. ❞ ❝ you do your people proud. ❞ ❝ how long do we have to live in constant fear? ❞ ❝ i'll just beat you within an inch of your life! ❞ ❝ dawn is drawing near. it has been a long night for the both of us, hasn’t it? ❞ ❝ you were limp and unconscious. i feared the worst. ❞ ❝ what do you think you’re doing sneaking out with that? ❞ ❝ such a beautiful day, but we’re too busy to enjoy it. some things never change. ❞ ❝ i guess you’ll never learn unless you run into trouble one day. ❞ ❝ look at my face. if that’s your idea of a joke, i’m not laughing. ❞ ❝ you appeared to be relishing that snooze, so i declined to wake you. ❞ ❝ huh? oh, uh, nothing. really, i was, uh...talking to myself. ❞ ❝ you’re looking a little pale... ❞ ❝ i imagine you and i will cross paths again. until then, do not lower your guard. ❞ ❝ you certainly are persistent... ❞ ❝ all that may be well intentioned and true, but it doesn’t mean it’s right. ❞ ❝ i’m prepared to pay the price for what i’ve done. ❞ ❝ i had no idea we were fated to carry such a heavy destiny. ❞ ❝ i need your strength to tip the scales in our favor. ❞ ❝ all this training, and no results! ❞ ❝ all i’ve hears so far is a bunch of babbling about destiny,     but that’s a load of garbage. ❞ ❝ when night draws her tenebrous curtain across the sky, i come here. ❞ ❝ what in the world just happened? did you use some kind of magic? ❞ ❝ please, see it through and prove the legends true. ❞ ❝ i was happy just spending my days hanging around with you. i wanted that feeling to last forever. ❞ ❝ you are vital to a mission of great importance. ❞ ❝ the chances of that happening are just about less than zero. ❞ ❝ i hate to break it to you, but today’s the day i bust up this adorable little fantasyland you’re living in. ❞ ❝ this is a war, and the fate of the land hangs in the balance. ❞ ❝ i know you, and you’re no hero. ❞ ❝ you’re messing with me. say it again, i dare you. ❞ ❝ you float through life with your head in the clouds. ❞ ❝ i don’t do charity for wimps. ❞ ❝ what’s this...? what is it that my eyes behold? ❞ ❝ don’t even think about it! are we clear? ❞ ❝ the point is your work here is done. i got it covered from here. ❞ ❝ my eyes foresee a hazardous, thorny road ahead for you... ❞ ❝ you...this is your fault, you know. ❞ ❝ my heart is bursting with thoughts of you. ❞ ❝ i have a serious dilemma on my mind right now, and you’re distracting me. ❞ ❝ i’ll make you proud. you’ll see! ❞ ❝ feels dangerous. something could jump out at us at any moment. ❞ ❝ we’re talking about a tale that’s been passed down over a lot of years, so i wouldn’t put much stock in it. ❞ ❝ i have the right to experience an unfettered and passionate love, don’t i? ❞ ❝ i’ll tell you, it gives even a big guy like me the creeps. ❞ ❝ oh...how can i get you to notice me? ❞ ❝ i get the feeling nothing i can say will talk you out of it. ❞ ❝ my love for you is wider than the horizon and deeper than the clouds. ❞ ❝ trust my piercing eyes...listen to my pure and innocent voice. ❞ ❝ i feel so excited, so cheerful, so full of life. ❞ ❝ i sense a silent power dwelling somewhere in your frame. ❞ ❝ this turn of events has left me with a strong appetite for bloodshed. ❞ ❝ there’s no doubting it. the gears of fate have begun to turn. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry. i was lost in thought there for a moment. ❞ ❝ don’t men open doors for a lady anymore? how long am i supposed to stand here waiting for a little chivalry? ❞ ❝ i hate even saying this, but i guess you got it all figured out. ❞ ❝ you must not push yourself. you’re still recovering. ❞ ❝ you think you’re pretty suave, don’t you? ❞ ❝ i know you’re in a hurry, so i really appreciate you taking the time to help. ❞ ❝ i saw it, but i was able to escape by the seat of my pants. ❞ ❝ do you have any idea how that made me feel inside? furious! outraged! sick with anger! ❞ ❝ you’re really something else. i could never imagine myself doing what you’re about to do. ❞ ❝ i must aid you in fulfilling the great destiny that is your burden to carry. ❞ ❝ i should have believed you...i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ lately, when i think about you, my head gets all fuzzy, my heart races, i get short of breath, and i feel all dizzy... ❞ ❝ you should know better than that to fret about me. ❞ ❝ thanks for jumping in there to rescue me. ❞ ❝ hey, hold on there! what are you trying to pull all of a sudden? ❞ ❝ your face cries out in earnest wonder, and that cry is: ‘what’s this?!’ ❞ ❝ i promise up front not to murder you. ❞ ❝ you...didn’t hear any of that, did you? there’s no way you heard, right? ❞ ❝ i tell you, all sorts of weird things are going on lately. ❞ ❝ calamitous visions appear before me... ❞ ❝ you...make me so happy...i think i’m going to keel over... ❞ ❝ i wanted you to be the first to see me like this. ❞ ❝ i can’t imagine a more fitting color for you. it’s as though you were born to wear it. ❞ ❝ i bet you can’t even decide what to have for lunch on your own, huh? ❞ ❝ amazing, right? wrong! it is beyond amazing! ❞ ❝ it can’t be easy for you, can it? ❞ ❝ you’ll see in time that you have your own role to play in all this. ❞ ❝ trust in fate to guide your feet. ❞ ❝ i bet you’re here just to check me out, right? ❞ ❝ i just hope nothing has happened. i’m worried sick thinking about it. ❞ ❝ whoa...you’re kind of imploding my mind right now. ❞ ❝ if you wanna live again one day, you should head for home. ❞ ❝ you have a great journey before you, and those clothes...they don’t look up to the task. ❞ ❝ did you manage to get even a wink of sleep last night? ❞ ❝ ever heard of banging your knuckles against the door? it’s called knocking. ❞ ❝ so, uh...yeah. just how long have you been standing there? ❞ ❝ honestly, it’s almost as though you become a completely different person when you worry about me. ❞ ❝ you showing up here must mean we’re connected somehow. like fate. ❞ ❝ sorry to put you through that. i guess i owe you one now. ❞ ❝ to tell you the truth, i’m feeling a little frustrated, and right now i just need someone to vent to. ❞ ❝ what’s with you? leave me alone if you don’t want anything. ❞ ❝ hearing that is such a...huge weight off my mind. ❞ ❝ though your journey will put you in harms way, you must endure. ❞ ❝ i'm just deadweight. what kinda use is that to anyone... ❞ ❝ seriously, what is that thing over there?! ❞ ❝ before i say another word, i feel like i owe you an apology. ❞ ❝ during your long journey, you’ve grown so much. ❞ ❝ from the moment i laid my eyes on you, i could tell you had a gentle and generous heart. ❞ ❝ oh dear...i don’t know what’s come over me all of a sudden... ❞ ❝ you don’t appear to have any serious injuries. for that much we can be grateful. ❞ ❝ i can see into those dopey eyes of yours. ❞ ❝ i can finally smile and laugh again! thank you ever so much. ❞ ❝ i think i might of broke something. ❞ ❝ is that it? i thought it was going to put up more of a fight. ❞ ❝ i thought we were goners this time. sort of glad i was wrong about that. ❞ ❝ what? i don’t seem like my usual self? ❞ ❝ this place needs a name. a name fitting for this rugged, adventurous wilderness. ❞ ❝ what were you thinking? you scared a year off my life! ❞ ❝ care to explain just what you meant by ‘our special moment alone’? ❞ ❝ my advice? work hard and wish with all your heart. ❞ ❝ say, you look all flustered. ❞ ❝ i fear we can’t dwell on our success. ❞ ❝ the world is bursting with undiscovered surprises, isn’t it? ❞ ❝ you're not exactly mr/mrs.perfect either, are you? ❞ ❝ this is easily as scary as i thought it would be. ❞ ❝ i swear this neighborhood’s getting crummier every day. ❞ ❝ you ain’t as dumb as you look. ❞ ❝ i was going to ask if you wanted me to take care of you forever... ❞ ❝ i need to learn how to keep these delirious dreams in check. ❞ ❝ maybe you should forget about everything that happened here tonight. ❞ ❝ can you imagine a more gruesome fate? ❞ ❝ there are more monsters about than before, so be careful. ❞ ❝ human desire is an insatiable, fearsome thing. ❞ ❝ i sense an evil presence on the other side of this door. ❞ ❝ you understand, don’t you? i’m not wrong about this, am i? ❞ ❝ i never wanted to lay eyes on you again. ❞ ❝ i would have gotten discouraged if you hadn’t come by to cheer me on. you gave me motivation. ❞ ❝ who do you think you are, getting involved in my business like that? ❞ ❝ i just wish there was more i could do for you... ❞ ❝ i don’t even understand how you could make such a wild accusation! ❞ ❝ it was at that moment i finally realized. i realized that...i love you. ❞ ❝ make sure you come home every now and then. nothing like a good sleep in your own bed. ❞ ❝ you’d better not keep me waiting. ❞ ❝ make sure you put your heart into it! i won’t stand for anything but your best. ❞ ❝ how could you be swayed by the temptation of material gain?     do you have no honor? ❞ ❝ you really want to hear about all my troubles? that’s kind of you. ❞ ❝ you...weren’t supposed to see that whole spectacle. how embarrassing... ❞ ❝ you have only succeeded in buying us a little more time. ❞ ❝ watch it! that’s no way to talk to someone who just saved your life! ❞ ❝ you look like you need to get something off your chest. ❞ ❝ know that all the questions you have now will be answered in time. ❞ ❝ there is nothing natural about these tremors. ❞ ❝ you might just be the person i need! you seem pretty good with the ladies. ❞ ❝ it’s great to hear you’re so confident in me. ❞ ❝ ideal love is unfettered and passionate. anything less than that can’t really be called love at all. ❞ ❝ you're incessant buzzing around my head like some irksome gadfly when i’m this busy is...making me very disagreeable. ❞ ❝ you may not have noticed, but i’m trying to hide here.     could you please scoot along? ❞ ❝ you'd better keep your eyes to yourself, if you know what i mean. ❞ ❝ have you come to laugh at me in my miserable state? ❞ ❝ you...you came to see me! i’m so happy. ❞ ❝ your job is simple! you make sure none of these monsters lays a claw on me. not...one...claw. ❞ ❝ now is not the time to be picky about who will help you. ❞ ❝ watch carefully while i demonstrate what a real hero looks like. ❞ ❝ you are something else! there is nothing you cannot do. ❞ ❝ if you think about how often we meet, you have to admit that our relationship has gone beyond friendship, you know? ❞ ❝ i’ll make the affair so excruciating, you’ll deafen yourself with the shrill sound of your own screams. ❞ ❝ i was right, then. there is something special about you. ❞ ❝ i should have reprimanded you the last time we met, but instead i was...soft. ❞ ❝ ha-ha! you didn’t see that coming, did you? ❞ ❝ you really are a snake in the grass. ❞ ❝ you are indeed worthy of being called a hero. ❞ ❝ i’m not used to getting stared at like this. it’s making me blush. ❞ ❝ i can’t hide anything from you, can i? ❞ ❝ the longer i train, the more i realize i’ll never measure up to you. ❞ ❝ whoa...you took out every last one of them. ❞ ❝ i know how bad this must look to you right now, but i assure you i mean no harm. ❞ ❝ it’s all very strange, but i doubt there’s much of a connection between these things. ❞ ❝ you're a weird one, climbing all the way up here. ❞ ❝ don’t cry --- it’s perfectly, mostly safe! ❞ ❝ you and i, we’re bound by that thread of fate. destined to fight. ❞ ❝ meet me in battle, and the thread of fate that binds us will be soaked crimson with your blood. ❞ ❝ i do not wish to dwell on what may have happened if you hadn’t been here. ❞ ❝ you have awakened a wrath that will burn for eons! ❞ ❝ you really like those fantasy stories, eh? ❞ ❝ there is one teensy, tiny thing i lack...namely, mercy. ❞ ❝ i must warn you, i won’t go easy on you this time. ❞ ❝ i might be willing to forgive and forget if you’ll strike a deal. ❞ ❝ since i know i can be honest with you, i’ll admit i got a little sulky. it was frowns all around. ❞ ❝ i see you’re still among the living. ❞ ❝ i saw them dragging you off unconscious, so i tailed them. ❞ ❝ i want you to visit me at my house tonight. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to say a word. i can see how you feel by the spark in your eye. ❞ ❝ you’ll see. i’ll be as tough as you in no time. ❞ ❝ it’s not like ‘oh, hey, that person’s back! i’m so happy!’ or anything like that... ❞ ❝ whoa...that’s some really terrible handwriting. ❞ ❝ i would very much like it if you would go out with me. ❞ ❝ truly? you choose me? ❞ ❝ i swear to you, whatever it takes, i will drag you into an eternity of torment. ❞ ❝ you and i, we’re bound by a thread of fate. ❞ ❝ i’ll watch over you, protecting you from afar. ❞ ❝ until then, we’ll keep our love secret. ❞ ❝ this news has just filled my heart with rainbows! ❞ ❝ this place seems strangely familiar... ❞ ❝ don’t you gotta take care of your own business first? ❞ ❝ they’re not going to do anything nice if they catch you. ❞ ❝ it’s not humane to tease someone this bored. ❞ ❝ i’m not some sideshow for you to gawk at. ❞ ❝ it’s weird to say out loud, but that’s just how i feel right now. ❞ ❝ you can’t break me with interrogation. you’ll never make me talk. ❞ ❝ word is there’s a huge treasure hidden in these here ruins... ❞ ❝ what? that’s not weird to say! ❞ ❝ ...i understand your true feelings. better than you know. ❞ ❝ all the fairytales that we heard growing up...they appear all too real. ❞ ❝ do i look sad? no, i’m doing what i want to do! ❞ ❝ i don’t know what came over me! i had no clue i had the talent to make something like this. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t be out here in the open with no way to defend yourself. ❞ ❝ you do have the tendency to cause trouble for those you ‘help’. ❞ ❝ as far as i’m concerned, i got nothing but time. ❞ ❝ don’t you play coy with me. i know that you know, so why not let me in on the fun? ❞ ❝ so you really think a sob story like that is going to work on me? what a joke. ❞ ❝ i’d take pleasure in punishing you, but i have no time for recreation. ❞ ❝ sorry to leave you on your own, but you look like you can handle it. ❞ ❝ remember --- it’s a secret to everybody. ❞ ❝ it isn’t as action packed as what you’re doing, but maybe this is my destiny. ❞ ❝ don’t you just love the way it smells down here? ❞ ❝ defending the land...it’s my purpose, i think. it’s why i’m here. ❞ ❝ what do i know...you might just surprise me. ❞ ❝ fibber! you’re a fibbity fibber! ❞ ❝ you needn’t even say it. i can tell from the look of sheer astonishment on your face. ❞ ❝ you have had this destiny thrust upon you without warning...    or choice, for that matter. ❞ ❝ don’t do anything heroic and get yourself caught. ❞ ❝ ...you want to tell me but you can’t? ❞ ❝ you know, i really worry about you. it’s a weakness of mine. ❞ ❝ try not to get in the way of my shots, ok? ❞ ❝ i haven’t slept a wink in...ahhh...i don’t even know how long. ❞ ❝ i had my suspicions, but until now i wasn’t sure. ❞ ❝ you seem a good deal stronger than the last time we met. ❞ ❝ i would be remiss if i didn’t let you know of the weight on my heart. ❞ ❝ i have a reputation to protect, you know. ❞ ❝ listen closely. do you hear that? ❞

[fuzzy-melonlord]

ALRIGHT so, this right here is what im calling a franken-fic. I wrote it for a different fandom but it got 100% ignored and it made me really sad because i put a hell of a lot of work into researching it and writing it. So i took it apart and rewrote it for this fandom! I hope y’all enjoy it and if you don’t that’s fine too :D

Also Also the description i use for Milo is based off of @free-boundsoul ‘s design for him! So go check out Savvie’s beautiful art!!

Pairing: Milo x Sweetheart, mentions of Freelancer x Gavin, Cutie x Geordi WC: 11k+ TW: Descriptions of anxiety, symptoms of depression, mentions of medically assisted suicide (but not actually going through with it), suicidal thoughts Genre: Horizon Zero Dawn AU (Set before the events of the game, spoilers for the game’s plot twist but you won’t have to have played the game to understand the fic), Reincarnation (?) Au (brief),

***

November 12th, 2064 -  16 Months until Zero Day

“...with the Professor, specialist in child care.” 

The sound of their name seemed to almost snap them back to reality, if that’s what you could call this. All the information they had been given just...it didn’t seem real, it felt like another work of science fiction, just something to stir the masses. 

“Professor, I have a few simple questions to ask you regarding what you saw.” The woman before them seemed kind, after all she had spoken to every interviewee before them and would have to deal with everyone coming after them as well. Sweetheart wondered how long she had known, or if she had just found out and just had a really good poker face. 

They don’t trust theirself to speak yet, at least not without breaking into sobs once more. So they nodded, wringing their hands in their lap and unable to bring their eyes to fully look at the woman before them. They thought back to their class, if their precious students could see them now. They imagined all of the tiny voices reminding them to make eye contact, just as they had told them to do.They would be right, it was only polite to look in someone’s eyes when they were speaking to you but...this was too much. 

“If you agree to participate in Project Zero Dawn, you and your immediate family will be permitted shelter in Elysium for the remainder of their years. There will be enough resources for even a young child to live to be at least one hundred years old.” She began, pausing to give you time to process her words.

“I-I...don’t have any immediate family. My parents they um.”

“If that’s the case, then two close friends would be allowed entry instead. Do you have any names in mind?” She questioned. You watched as her ebony toned hands reached across her desk to grab a small thing of multi colored sticky notes. It was almost funny that she was using such basic methods for her process when she had the datafiles in the tablet to her left. Maybe that’s how she was coping with the knowledge, using papers and pens instead of tech. It was a little too late to switch back now. 

“Yeah, um a coworker…and their partner Geordi. I should probably give you their full names,” Would they even accept this offer? You knew Geordi was at least still on speaking terms with his family but they weren’t close by any means, but Cutie, well they absolutely adored their family. And if Cutie said no, then so would Geordi. Would they even think twice about declining? Sweetheart felt their heart seize again as their eyes welled up with tears. You did your best to hold them back, harshly biting down on their tongue as the interviewer wrote down the names onto the sticky note and placed it onto the paper copy of the file. 

“Thank you Professor. I’m going to take that as the answer to my next question, which was simply asking for your confirmation to participate in Project Zero Dawn.” Sweetheart simply nodded, knowing that they would for sure cry if you spoke up once more. She nodded professionally, writing down a few things in the margins of your paper profile. A silence fell over the room that filled Sweetheart with even more dread than before. A few stray tears dripped down their cheeks despite attempts to stop them, but they quickly rubbed them away with the edge of their sleeve as the woman spoke once more.

“We are offering...options. We understand that this is a lot, and no matter your choice here the two people that you have selected will still be allowed entrance into Elysium. Either you can join them once the project is done, or...medical euthanasia, if you would prefer. As I said, it is your choice and no one will judge you for either option and no matter what you decide if you decide to change your mind we just ask that you inform your supervisor. Please don’t take this decision lightly, these are trying times, Professor.”

“I…”

January 12th 2065 - 14 Months until Zero Day

It had already been two months since the start of Project Zero Dawn and yet it still felt like yesterday. Sweetheart’s eyes stared at the documents in front of them. The letters seemed to blur together the longer they stared at it, or perhaps that was simply their body screaming out from exhaustion. 

They were pulled from their daze as they heard the familiar squeaking of wheels of the chair next to their desk sliding against the metal floor. Turning, they were now face to face with their deskmate, a Doctor whose real name they hadn’t caught but who had asked to just be called Freelancer. They were a very strange person, strange but a nice desk mate. They always complained that being hunched over a desk like this wasn’t their style of working, but they knew it needed to be done. Their gaze drifted over to Sweetheart, a soft smile on their face as they stood from the chair. 

“I’m heading to bed, don’t stay up too late tonight. I’ve been checking your time logs, don’t give me that look! I’ve been checking your time logs and you stay up far too late for it to be healthy.” Sweetheart truly admired Freelancer, they was such a wonderful beacon of hope in this facility where many, like theirself, had lost all of it. What they were doing wasn’t even for their survival, just for the survival of the human race as a whole. But...what was the point of it if everyone they loved died in the process? 

“Sure sure, Get some rest, oh great parental figure.” A small joke shared between colleagues. The Freelancer, while not wanting to admit it, had become sort of a parental figure inside the facility. Or at least this half of it. They were one of many who had children, and they tended to try and look out for those around them even if it was at a detriment to theirself.

Freelancer reached out, shoving Sweetheart’s shoulder playfully before giving one last farewell and turning to follow the path the rest of their colleagues had taken back to the barracks that had been given to the Eluethia department. Which left Sweetheart alone in the department, the only thing accompanying them was the soft hum of the machinery. It was comforting, in its own little way.

Sweetheart hated these times, being left alone to linger in their thoughts. Thinking about their former students. Wondering if they missed them, hoping that their new teacher was kind of them. They wondered if little Ahri would even talk to their replacement, it had taken them months to get her comfortable enough around them, and weeks after that for her to be willing to speak to them. But Sweetheart had never given up, and they could only hope that the new teacher didn’t give up on her either. 

The thought brought a strangled sob to their lips, trying to push those thoughts away. There was nothing they could do for them. Not anymore, the fate of this generation had been cruelly sealed. 

“Well, definitely wasn’t expectin’ to see anyone else up this late.” 

The strange voice snapped Sweetheart back to reality, thoughts of their students vanishing from their mind. Their head snapped in the direction of the stranger, eyes meeting a face that looked…vaguely familiar but they couldn’t quite place it. He looked around their age, maybe a little younger if they had to guess. The curly locks on top of his head were a beautiful shade of blue, one of sweetheart’s favorites, but at the roots they could see hints of the dark brown of his natural hair color coming back in. It wasn’t like you were given hair dye while you were locked in here, just the basic necessities for survival. All they could tell at a glance was that he wasn’t from the Eleuthia department or Sweetheart would have seen him before. It wasn’t like there  were a lot of people assigned to the department. So they were all pretty well acquainted.

“Well these Multiservitor’s aren’t gonna learn these children's stories unless I write them all up.” Sweetheart forced out a small laugh, looking away from the male and hoping that he didn’t notice the slowly spilling tears or the cracking of their voice. If he did, he didn’t say anything about it. “Can’t afford too much break time when humanity is on the line.” 

It was a shitty joke, but Sweetheart had taken to joking to be their own personal brand of coping. Like the interviewer, with all of her outdated paper files. It wasn’t extremely effective, but at least it made the man laugh. That was enough for Sweetheart. 

Watching as he pulled out Freelancer’s rolling chair, and took a seat. His eyes glancing over at their computer, the words probably too small and far away from him to make anything out. With him being this close, it gave Sweetheart a better angle to examine him. The main thing they noticed were the bags under his eyes, they seemed to be almost as big as their own. Though, it made sense…everyone had trouble sleeping now that they knew the truth.

“I’m Milo.” He introduced, offering you a tiny smile. His name sparked a memory in you, and you let out a small gasp of recognition.

“Oh! You’re the Guitarist and producer from Shaw Pack, aren’t you? I thought I recognized you, one of my friends is obsessed with your band.” Their thoughts drifted to Cutie once more, missing them dearly. It had been two months since Sweetheart had seen them and...they didn’t even know if it was going to be the last time. Thinking about it, they would have hugged them, wouldn’t have yelled at them for eating the last of their ice cream. There were so many things Sweetheart regretted now, so many things they could never take back. Remembering it made Sweetheart feel like such a terrible friend, and only served as a reminder to the fact that they would likely never have the chance to apologize.

He seemed almost sheepish at the recognition, Sweetheart wondered if his reaction would have been different if it weren’t for the situation. 

“Yeah, fat lot of good my songs do now. I’m just putting them into the computer along with...hundreds of other songs.” His smile was almost bittersweet, his gaze flickering from Sweetheart and then to their computer once again. From his words they could infer that he was probably part of the Apollo team, the subordinate function that would follow after Eleuthia. The one that would provide the next generation of humans with all the knowledge that you had to offer once they had passed the basic kindergarten learning provided by Eleuthia. 

“Hey, well. That acoustic song you wrote, ‘Story to tell’, we’re putting that in Eleuthia to help the kids get to sleep. So, that sounds like it’s doing a lot of good.” Sweetheart explained, almost laughing at the exaggerated look of shock that crossed his face. “Hell, I’ve even started listening to it to help me sleep. It’s uh...one of the only things that can knock me out, besides the exhaustion of course.” 

Once again, laughter echoed down the halls as the male almost doubled over. The reaction was a bit more than Sweetheart had been expecting but...maybe this was what he needed to hear tonight. Everyone needed something to get their minds off the world outside the Zero Dawn facility, so they were glad that they were able to help at least one person. 

“Maybe I’ll play you a real lullaby in person once we get to Elysium. Can’t promise my singin’ will be as good as Asher’s though.” At the mention of what was coming after, Sweetheart’s blood ran cold. They didn’t respond, their eyes staring at the screen in front of them for a moment, before shoving their chair backwards as they quickly stood up. The action so quick that Milo jumped in his own chair, a concerned look on his face. Hoping he hadn’t said something wrong. 

“I should...get to bed if I want to be any kind of useful tomorrow. “ They muttered, unable to meet his eyes as you spoke. “It was nice meeting you Milo.”

“Hey hold up, I never got your name.”

April 20th 2065 - 11 Months until Zero Day

“Jesus Christ, Sweetheart you really gotta stop doing that.” Milo exclaimed, his hand held against his chest as he playfully glared at his dear friend.

Sweetheart on the other hand was practically cackling at his reaction, as they did just about everytime they scared him. It wasn’t often that he would come visit them in the Eleuthia right as they’d stepped away from their console. But in those few times, Sweetheart would always use it to their advantage. Usually by scaring the daylights out of him, which honestly wasn’t that hard to do. He was a pretty jumpy guy.

“One of these days Dr. Brochard-Klein is gonna catch us goofin’ off over here, and you’re gonna get in deep shit.” Milo muttered, obviously not meaning it. Dr. Brochard-Klein very rarely stayed up late, being the head of the department he was always busy meeting with the other heads and doing things that were much higher than either of their clearance. But he was an asshole for sure. He might be a genius, and the head of the department but he was an utter ass. He reminded Sweetheart of a few horrible bosses they had worked with at previous part time jobs.

“Oh, it’s fine. He’s an early to bed type of guy. So you can freak out and scream as much as you need to.” Sweetheart teased, returning to their seat. Watching Milo grumble from the corner of their eye, something about getting them back one day. And honestly, if it weren’t for the situation, they would have believed it. When he got like this, he reminded them of one of their old students. Jamison, the little boy would always pout in a similar manner and would plan intricate (yet harmless) revenge plots against his classmates. The thoughts of their students brought Sweetheart’s mind back to a darker place, thinking about how they couldn’t save any of them. The guilt they felt for abandoning the children in such a time of fear, even if they were doing something for the benefit of all humanity. They hated this feeling. 

Feeling a hand gently take their own, they felt their heart jump in surprise. Of course, after all of the months of working together Milo knew when their mind would wander. He always knew. They felt theirself relax as his thumb caressed the top of their hand. Milo had discovered quickly that this action was basically Sweethear’s kryptonite and could calm them down through most instances.

“How did things go today? I heard Dr. Brochard-Klein had a meeting with GAIA and Dr. Sobeck.” Milo mentioned, and the thought of work did ground Sweetheart but...they certainly weren’t in the mood to talk about that today. 

In the past few months, it had become almost a nightly occurrence for Milo and Sweetheart to meet either at their desk in the Eleuthia department or in his studio in the Apollo department. These meetings had become the only things Sweetheart felt they could look forward to, something to help them forget that they were living on borrowed time. He was like this beacon of light in their life, always making them laugh and just generally being there for them. Meeting him was one of the best things that had happened to them. They just hated that they had the misfortune of meeting him here, and not back out in the real world where they could actually enjoy their time to the fullest.

It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.

“Fuck Dr. Brochard-Klein, I don’t want to waste more brain cells on him. Tell me more about your mom again. She seems so cool” Milo practically beamed at them. The first thing you had really learned about Milo was that he lived alone with his cat, Aggro (who would be coming with him after all this was over). The second thing they had learned was how much he cherished his mother. She was his whole world, and he had admitted more than once that he wished they would at least let him call his mother, but that wasn’t allowed. Their reasoning being if you contacted anyone outside the facility then you could cause a panic, more of a panic, if you accidentally give away information.

The people outside, the civilians and soldiers alike, still believed that Project Zero Dawn would actually save them all. That the lives being lost right now as the members of Enduring Victory fought against the machines affected by the Faro Plague wouldn’t be for naught. It was a hard topic to think about. Because on one hand they were, they were keeping the swarm back just long enough for Zero Dawn, for GAIA to be finished, but on the other hand their efforts wouldn’t do any good for the people living right now. The only ones who could thank them would be the humans some hundreds of years down the line. Once the biosphere is brought back to life and GAIA begins her Eleuthia subfeature, and birthing the next generation.

“Well, have I ever told you about my ma’s Pasta e Fagioli?”

“Oh no! You haven’t.” He had, several times in fact. But he was always so expressive when he spoke of his mother, and the stories of his childhood that would always accompany these. Sometimes it was harder, like the few times he had mentioned his father. But for the most part, letting him talk of these things were good for the both of them. Milo would get to remember cherished memories, and Sweetheart would be able to listen. The sound of his voice brought them a sort of comfort that they had never admitted to him aloud. It was always bittersweet.

Their eyes didn’t stray from him as he told his story. Something they had noticed was how he always spoke with his hands, using them to make specific points or to bring emphasis. Sweetheart couldn’t say for sure when they had started noticing things like that, or like how they noticed his eyes would light up whenever he came to visit them or vice versa. They weren’t sure they were developing a crush or if they were just bonding with him through their current shared trauma. But at this point they couldn’t imagine their life without him. He had become just as important to him as Cutie and Geordi, or their old students. He had weaseled his way into their heart without even trying.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to try some once we get to Elysium.” 

Elysium. Once again Sweetheart’s thoughts drifted. Would it be so great there? Living out the rest of their life in a cage? Sure, they would be alive to live it and potentially be able to reunite with those closest to them, but they weren’t sure. Which...was probably why they had answered the interviewer in such a way, why they had accepted the offer to end it all and it was also why you decided to lie to Milo now. Things were bad enough, they didn’t want to ruin the fun night. Their confession of what they had decided could wait, if they ever told him. A part of them wondered if he would be hurt…getting to Elysium only to find out that they had never been planning on going.

“Sure, I’ll definitely try it then.”

A lie.

June 1st 2065 - 9 Months until Zero Day

Things had gotten much more tense in the facility with Zero Day inching closer and closer. Because of this, the meetings between Milo and Sweetheart had become far and few between. Sweetheart hated it, and it was definitely starting to get to them. Without him around, they basically weren’t sleeping and would barely go to the mess hall to eat since the stupid facility was run like a high school and each department had different set hours for lunches.

“Are you okay? You’ve been…more out of it than normal lately,” Freelancer finally asked one day, “I think you’ve sighed more in the past week than you have since this project started, and believe me you sigh a lot. I would know, I do sit next to you every day.”

They were, of course, right but Sweetheart didn’t want to admit that, or maybe they did?

“Freelancer, are you going to Elysium when we finish this?” Sweetheart couldn’t explain why this was the question they went with, out of all of the questions swimming inside their head. 

“Of course, my husband and son will be waiting for me. Caelum…he’s only 7. Gavin and I finalized his adoption just a few months before this all began. He’s still so young and yet already going through so much. I want to be there for him until the very end.” 

The Freelancer had mentioned their family before, so it didn’t surprise Sweetheart that they would happily go to Elysium to be with them. They were strong like that, with a heart so full of love and kindness that were willing to share it with all of those around them.

They smiled sweetly at their desk mate once more, and Sweetheart noticed that their teeth weren’t perfectly straight and they couldn’t help but think that it was beautiful despite the standards that the world had put on things being perfect. Freelancer was full of imperfections yet to Sweetheart they were one of the most beautiful people they had ever met. They were someone with heart and determination, someone who somehow wasn’t letting the literal extinction of humanity get them down. 

Sweetheart longed for that kind of strength. But the thought that there would be no one waiting for them in Elysium…it brought a weight to their chest. 

Later that night, Sweetheart was once again left alone in the Eleuthia department. Finishing up some voice recordings. They had asked been asked to record theirself, mimicking vowel and consonant placement so that they could...model one of the Multiservitors, the AI that would be keeping watch over the first batch of new humans, after them. They said that with Sweetheart’s profession and disposition, they would be a perfect fit. They wanted it all, from their voice to their face. 

As they were nearing the end of their recordings, they could hear the distant sound of footsteps against the metal flooring. Halting the session, as to not get any excess noise into the audio file, their eyes scanned the hallway only to land on the slowly approaching figure of the one person that they wanted to see. Without really thinking, they dropped their headphones onto the desk and practically threw theirself out of the chair. The wheeled seat flying back much further than they had anticipated, but they could hardly bring theirself to care. Power walking over, they flung their arms around Milo and pulled him into a tight hug, burying their face in his shoulder and letting out a heavy sigh. 

“Whoa, I know it’s been a while but I wasn’t expecting you to jump me,” Despite the joking nature of his words, they could hear just how tired he was as well. As his arms snaked around Sweetheart’s waist, pulling them closer until his body was flush against theirs. His hands rubbing soothing circles on the small of their back.

“I missed you too, Sweetheart.”

In that moment, just from those soft little words, a shock of anxiety struck Sweetheart like lightning. They had to tell him, it was now or never. Even if he hated them, they couldn’t force him to stay in the dark any longer. They were scared though, of the potential hatred. Anger that that they weren't strong like he or Freelancer were. That they were terrified. 

Yet the words just wouldn’t leave them. All of those feelings being kept bottled inside, trapped in their head screaming to be released. They couldn’t stop the tears that had begun to spill out as they stood in his arms, feeling pathetic, feeling sorry for theirself. They hated this feeling.

As soon as the tears began staining the shoulder of his shirt, Milo pulled away ever so slightly which filled Sweetheart with another pang of fear. Yet, despite their initial trepidation, he leaned closer. Gripping their cheeks with both hands as he pressed a soft kiss to their forehead. Not a word left his lips as he repositioned himself once more, his arms returning to their waist as he hummed a soft melody. The familiar song that Sweetheart recognized as the song they would listen to as they fell asleep, yet this would be the first time that they heard the tune from his voice. It was beautiful, and calming despite what Milo had said before about his singing voice being sub par. 

The melody pierced Sweetheart’s core as the duo swayed to the soft melody Milo provided. Despite the comforting tones of his voice, Sweetheart could only feel the tears come faster. Their heart was an emotional time bomb that had just exploded with everything they could possibly feel. Love for Milo, because that’s all this emotion could be, complete and unconditional love. Their fear of the future and what lay ahead, not just for theirself but for the rest of the human race. And finally, for their regrets, everything they hadn’t done before getting locked away inside the bunker…not meeting Milo when things were better and when their romance might have had time to love. But this..this wasn’t time, this was the end of a thread that humanity was desperately holding onto despite destiny deciding that it was time for the end of their species and planet as a whole.

Everything was just too much, too painful, too wonderful. Sweetheart clung to Milo as if he were their lifeline, hiding their face in his shoulder once again. Their sobs being muffled by the soft fabric and the gentle sound of his voice as he continued to softly sing to them, attempting to help calm them down. For a moment, they wondered if he knew what they were hiding, if he could tell they had been lying to him. They had never had the best poker face so…it wouldn’t be hard to believe that he could tell what they were truly hiding whenever he asked about Elysium. They were probably an open book to him.

As he softly let out the final note, voice shaking ever so slightly, their dance came to an end. Only then did Sweetheart pull away from him, noticing a few stray tears had sprung forth from his eyes as well. Those beautiful eyes that had pulled them in both body and soul. They loved those eyes, even if they did see right through them.

“We’re such a mess,” Sweetheart muttered, prompting a small laugh from Milo. The man leaned forward a bit so that his forehead rested gently against theirs.

“Hey, at least we’re a mess together. There ain’t no one I’d rather be a mess around than you, Sweetheart” The laugh shared between the duo was surprisingly natural, if not a little wet considering the both of them had been crying, “Guess that’s why I love you though, you beautiful mess.”

“That…might be the worst confession I’ve ever heard.”

“Will you accept it though? Even though it’s shit?” The hopeful look in his eyes caused their heart to flutter. For a moment, they let their mind wander to what could have been. If they had met before and this Plague against humanity hadn’t arisen. They wondered if he would have already introduced him to his mother? Maybe they would have rushed things and already moved in together even though they had only known each other for a few months, or would they have taken it slowly, maybe even having to fight more for his heart. Sweetheart couldn’t tell what would have come from it, or what might have changed had things not played out in such a tragic way. They knew though, this wasn’t the time for fantasies. Both of their clocks were ticking, and they were almost at the end. Time was running out.

“I-Milo, I have to tell you something.” 

All they knew at that moment was that they couldn’t lie to him anymore. Their heart steeled by his confession. If he did truly love them, then they felt they were doing him a disservice by keeping the truth from him. 

They watch his face fall ever so slightly, letting out a small laugh. The sound was more nervous than they had ever heard him before.

“If you’re not interested, or if this was just…to pass the time before we die. I won’t be mad. Maybe a little hurt, or well, really fuckin hurt. But I’ll understand.” He confessed, trying to play it off as if he wasn’t anxious about their words. He cared so deeply and so passionately that, hearing they weren’t interested would be devastating. But, even so, he would respect their feelings no matter were his lay. What he hadn’t been anticipating was something even worse.

“I’m...not going to Elysium.” 

All at once, it all clicked. His eyes lit with recognition as he recalled the options that each of them had been given upon acceptance into the project. Sweetheart waited for him to push away from them, to be upset…anything really. Yet he didn’t do any of the things they had seen in their nightmares. He simply held them in his arms, a smile so sad that it almost prompted the return of their tears despite Sweetheart’s wishes. So fueled by their anxiety and fear, they continued, trying to ramble out a justification for their choice. 

“I’m not strong like you or Freelancer. And I don’t really have people to go see in Elysium, there’s no happy family waiting for me, Milo. I- after this I have nothing left.” Sweetheart confessed, a strangled sob escaped their lips and their eyes sunk to the floor. They couldn’t see the look of sadness on Milo’s face as he let them continue. “I just thought that it would be easier to be done with everything once the project was finished. I- fuck, I don’t know anymore. I’m sorry”

Milo was silent for a moment, letting them take a moment to breathe. Not a word was uttered between the two as Sweetheart attempted to wrangle in their emotions once more. The only thing grounding them was Milo’s firm grip on their arms, as if they would disappear right that very instant if he dared to let them go.

“You don’t gotta apologize, Sweetheart,” His voice was just as soft as before. Hands gently reaching up to caress their cheeks with a gentleness that made their heart ache, a soft sad smile still etched onto his face. Sweetheart could see the tears in his eyes, threatening to make a repeat appearance, “It’s your decision in the end, and I’ll respect that no matter what happens. But, I gotta let you know that…well that you’d have me, and my Ma, hell you’d even have Aggro. They’d both love you. And maybe even your friends Geordi and Cutie.”

“But I don’t even know if they-” 

He gently shushed them , pressing his index finger against your lips to halt their fears from escaping once more.

“I know, it’s scary to not know if you’re gonna see them again. I just…want you to know you wouldn’t be alone in Elysium. I’m sure even your Freelancer friend would gladly invite you into their family,” Sweetheart could certainly see that, in fact they practically already had. Showing them pictures of their husband and child, even though they had been aware of Sweetheart’s choice from the beginning. Now they were wondering if Freelancer had been doing that to convince them to join the others in Elysium, it wouldn't have been surprising. 

“You can rely on us, ya know? We care about you and love you. And hell, I know that no amount of love is gonna fix the shit that’s goin’ on outside,” He gestured around, obviously referring to the rampaging robots pushing humanity towards extinction. “But, we can at least spend our last days with the ones we care about the most. Not…scared here in some shitty bunker.” 

He pressed another gentle kiss to their forehead. 

“And I know, my life will suck a lot more without my favorite troublemaker by my side.”

Sweetheart didn’t know what to say, all the words they could think of sounded false and forced. So they said nothing. Returning their head to the safe hiding spot in the crock of his neck for the third time that night. Time seemed to still as they stood their, neither of them really knowing how long they were there as Milo slowly began swaying once again. 

In that moment, that was all Sweetheart needed. But would that be enough?

August 24th 2065 - 7 Months until Zero Day

“Thank you for your time Professor, I’ll make sure they’re aware.” 

Meetings with the higher ups while boring, never took very long. Much to Sweetheart’s relief. Just a few adjustments to the roster, but nothing too major would be altered due to their not so sudden change of heart. It had been a few months but with Milo’s help, and the reminder that they weren’t completely alone. Sweetheart had reached out, asking to be transferred to Elysium once the project was finalized. They still had a few months until that happened, but they figured it was better to finalize the decision sooner rather than later.

As the night wore on and Sweetheart finalized their tasks for the day, a bit earlier than normal even. They decided to head to the Apollo division, which while not uncommon, was still a rather different turn of events. More often than not, Milo would visit them in Eleuthia even if he finished later than they did. It had just become easier, and perhaps habitual, for the duo to meet at Sweetheart’s desk. It was almost like a safety blanket for Sweetheart, and they were almost certain that Milo knew that. 

As they traversed through the halls, they gave a small nod of their head at others they saw. There weren’t many still awake, just a few similar souls to the duo, people who would stay up far later than intended just to wrap up their current projects. 

Apollo department wasn’t too different from their own, filled with desks and computers but it also had multiple different rooms for the “instructors” to go and perform their craft for the cameras It was their job to teach and explain the arts, sciences, maths, and everything else that these new humans would need to learn. Every single bit of human knowledge past the pre-kindergarten level would be crammed into the Apollo server and only unlocked once authorized, thanks to GAIA’S systems.

Their eyes locked onto Milo almost instantly, his back facing them and providing them the perfect opportunity to see the man squirm again. His reactions to being spooked were always the best and Sweetheart couldn’t help but continue the trend of scaring him whenever they could. With silent footsteps, they approach his chair stopping just arms length away from him. With precision speed, their arms shot out to grip his sides. 

The reaction was instantaneous, Milo was out of the chair in records speeds with a loud rather exaggerated yelp escaping from his lips. Sweetheart had to back away to stop theirself from being hit by his chair as it tipped backwards. Laughter exploded from them as Milo turned to glare at them. 

“I swear, Sweetheart, you’re trying to give me a heart attack” He groaned, ignoring the laughter that spilled from them as he pulled his chair back up right. Then he extended his hand to them as they sat on the floor, pulling them up and swiftly into a tight hug. Squeezing them extra tightly as he did, cueing Sweetheart in on the fact that his day hadn’t quite been the best. They felt a little guilty about scaring him now, but he took the prank in stride and didn’t seem to be too bothered by it anymore. 

“Rough day?” They question, a hand reaching up to stroke his soft curls. It was more of his natural brown than that vibrant blue it had been when the two of them had first met. Only the very tips of his hair retained it, and even then that was only because he had yet to cut his hair and rid it of the last remnants. He complained about that too, saying his missed the blue but that they wouldn’t provide him with something so frivolous. He said he had even once tried to convince Ms. Ebadji, the Alpha director for the Apollo subfunctions, that showing the new humans how to dye hair would be educational. She promptly denied his request, much to his disappointment.

Sweetheart frowned a bit as he promptly buried his face in their shoulder, muttering words under his breath. He paused as if he were waiting for a response, a silence falling between the two as he waited before he realized that they hadn’t heard him.

“They had me start translating the documents into Italian today. Ebadji says she wants everything translated into as many languages as possible so that future humans can learn the languages we knew.” He explained, adjusting so that his cheek rested on their shoulder. His gentle breath hitting the side of their neck as he spoke. “Which would be fine if there were more than two of us in Apollo that knew Italian. We have seven Mandarin speakers, six German speakers, but only two fuckin’ Italian? And the other one is having to record the actual lessons to learn it? Man, I’m glad I’m not her.” 

“Guess you’re indispensable, Sweetheart.” Milo snorted at Sweetheart’s terrible impression of his accent as they used his signature nickname right back at him. But despite him being done with their shenanigans, they could see the small blush painting his tanned cheeks. Ever since that night back in June, the duo had tried their best to be a couple despite the time limit that their romance would have. It was a challenge, especially since the barracks were rather small which led to nights completely alone. Which wasn’t terrible, but they both wished that they could at least have one night where they could fall asleep in their lover’s arms.

“Ugh, if I’m so damn indispensable they would let me dye my hair to appease me.” He groaned. “Enough about my day, how were things in Eleuthia?”

“They started taking sperm samples and eggs for Cryo. I think they’re hitting up the Artemis crew tomorrow, but they’ll probably come for you guys in Apollo soon.” It was a big process that had been put off so long because they had to make sure that the cryo chambers would last long enough and wouldn’t ruin any of the samples. It was a hard thing to calculate, considering it could be another few centuries before GAIA starts up Eleuthia’s functions. Not to mention they had to make sure the artificial wombs were functional, and once again, wouldn’t break apart or deteriorate before the process began. 

He nodded but didn’t say anything else on that subject. It had been something that had been brought up after signing on for the project, and everyone would be donating...a lot. It would literally be restarting humanity after all, they couldn’t skimp out on that. 

“Can you tell me about your mom again?” Sweetheart questioned, changing the subject seemingly out of nowhere. At their words, Milo finally let go of them. Pulling away he sat back down at his desk, while Sweetheart took the chair next to his. Resting their elbows on the table and laying their head down as they stared over at him. Their eyes locked onto him as if he were one of the great wonders of the world, and to them he was. He gave them hope and happiness even when humanity was on the brink of extinction, and if that wasn’t wonderful then they didn’t know what was.

“Well, I know I told you she’s a doctor,” He began, resting his chin in his palm as he tried to think of new information to give to them. “Not one of these crazy genius doctors like they got us workin’ with, but she’s damn good at her job. And if you think I’m stubborn then you ain’t seen nothin’, my Ma is crazy. One time, I had to get a surgery when I was younger and she asked the hospital for one of those itemized lists to see what they were charging her for, cause of course the bill was fuckin’ ridiculous. So she notices they charged her like 200 bucks for a scalpel, a single scalpel! So she calls the hospital every day, demanding to have her scalpel. And not just any scalpel she wanted the exact one used in my surgery, because that’s the one she paid for. Eventually she bothered them so much that they just zeroed out the bill so she would stop callin’.”

Once again laughter rang out through the Apollo department, Sweetheart unable to contain it at the thought of Milo’s mother doing such a thing. Eventually Milo joined in as well, unable to resist. After a minute or so the laughter died down and he flashed a tender smile at his Sweetheart. 

“I’m sure she’d love you. My Ma’s a great judge of character.” He let out a soft sigh, probably imagining the life the two of you could have had if not for the Faro Plague. Something you found yourself doing quite often. 

“Well, I guess we’ll see for ourselves if she does…when we get to Elysium.” His brows furrowed in confusion, staring at them for a moment as his brain seemed to process what they had just told him. Then all at once it seemed to hit him, and Sweetheart had a fully grown and rather athletic male practically tackling them into a tight embrace. His arms wrapping around them and if Sweetheart was being honest, they had never felt safer than right then. Even if the whole world was dying around them, they knew that at the very least…they had Milo. 

He pulled back ever so slightly, moving a hand to caress their cheek before pulling them in for a passionate kiss. It wasn’t like the movies, neither partner heard fireworks shooting off, or little bells ringing in the distance. But it was true and it was loving, it made them feel loved, like they had a place and that place was with each other.

It was the best kiss that either had ever had.

December 25th 2065 - 2 Months(?) until Zero Day

“Repeat, all Gamma ranked personnel please make your way to the evac sight immediately. Repeat-”

The message had been broadcasted all through the facility and it filled Sweetheart with that familiar sense of dread. Evac for Gamma rank wasn’t supposed to start until January, but just like when this project started, Sobeck and her team of Alphas weren’t telling you anything. 

All Sweetheart could think about was that they needed to find Milo.

Their legs felt heavy as they weaved through the crowds of lingering crew members, all confused and uncertain of what could possibly be happening. For the most part, they were ignored as they ran towards the Apollo division. All they knew was they had to say goodbye, lingering thoughts of catastrophe happening during transport clouded their mind. They had to see him before it was too late. Thoughts like these brought tears to their eyes despite their wishes. 

As they passed through the threshold, they scanned around quickly. Finding his desk empty caused their heart to sink into their gut as the loud incessant message repeated overhead, demanding their presence at the Evac site.

“Milo?!” They hoped their voice could be heard over the broadcast. Which apparently it could, as a few of the Apollo crew membered glanced over at them, but said nothing as they continued their search.

They had just about given up hope when they heard their name, their actual name ring out through the halls just above the white noise of the other crew members talking. Then all at once he was there, his eyes filled with as much fear and confusion as Sweetheat thought filled their own. In his hands was a small photograph, a physical one. It was rare to see, but they knew that Milo cherished it more than just about anything. It was of his family, well of him and his mother and their cats. He usually kept it in his wallet for safe keeping, and it was one of the few personal items that he had been allowed to bring into the facility. 

He said not a word but took one of their hands into his own, holding their palm up to the ceiling as he placed the photograph there. Pushing their fingers closed around the small item.

“Please, let my Ma know I’m okay. She’s probably worrying herself sick…” He muttered, watching as Sweetheart lifted their hand with the photo and cradled it to their chest. Milo’s hand gravitated towards the back of their head, gently pulling them closer until their foreheads were pressed against each other. Eyes locked.

“You better make it to Elysium, safely. You hear me?” Despite the order, they could hear his voice cracking under the pressure of the situation they were in.

“Repeat, all Gamma ranked personnel please make your way to the evac sight immediately” That damned message would play in their heads for the rest of days

“I love you.” Sweetheart whispered, just before pressing their lips against his. Hoping that this wouldn’t be their last kiss. Then finally, the listened to the instructions looping overhead and bolted off towards the evacuation site. Leaving Milo standing in the hall, tears streaming down his face as he watched them leave. 

The last few stragglers of the Gamma’s finally arrived, prompting the loud speaker message to finally be turned off. The Beta personnel members there began going to each Gamma, checking their identification to determine what would happen next. If the Gamma staff member had rejected the offer of Elysium, Sweetheart noticed that the Beta couldn’t quite look them in the eyes as they asked them to step off to the side. They noticed a good number of people in the group taking their place against the wall, a few crying while others were stone faced. For a brief moment, they wondered which they would have been had they not met Milo. Would they have cried knowing that they were about to die?

Shaking those thoughts from their head, they didn’t need to think about that anymore. When the Beta staff member came to them, he checked their name before sending them over to receive one of the rather bulky environmental suits that would keep them alive once they stepped outside of the facility doors. It was a bit of a struggle to put on the suit but their body almost felt numb as they slipped inside as many of the other Gamma personal followed suits. One thought lingered in the minds of everyone, why was evac so early when Zero Day wasn’t for another few months.

One brave crew member decided to voice those thoughts.

“I thought we weren’t supposed to start Evac until January?” She questioned as she pushed her thick braids into the suit. The two beta’s leading the instructionals connected eyes before looking back over the crowd.

“The calculations were off...Zero Day is coming sooner than expected.”

Those words echoed in Sweethear’s head all the way to Elysium. They couldn’t focus on anything else. A part of them wanted to pull out the photograph that Milo had given them but the fear of dropping it or losing it kept it tucked safely inside their suit. Silent on their trip to their new home.

Sweetheart wasn’t sure how many hours had passed, sitting in that vehicle with all these items on that were meant to keep them alive in a world that was currently trying to kill them all. Everytime the vehicle shook, a man in the front of their row would let out a soft sob and begin praying in a language they couldn’t understand. Another, a woman would shout a curse at the walls, as if the robots could hear and would be intimidated by her rage. The drive felt like an eternity, the unknown sitting just outside the walls of the vehicle. Sweetheart almost let out a sob when the machine came to a stop and the driver explained that they had safely arrived.

Exiting the vehicle, they noticed they were in a docking bay of some sort. There were a few crew members here instructing everyone that it was safe to take off their environment suits before entering the rather large elevator. Sweetheart could hear the soft hum of the system as they stepped inside and felt it sink lower into the earth, taking them and their coworkers down into the building proper. 

Entering Elysium was almost like a dream, they could feel their body moving and they were responding to questions asked by those in charge of admittance but it felt like someone else was pulling the strings. It was a strange feeling. But once admittance was finished they entered the threshold into the facility, and felt their heart beat faster at the sight before them.

Elysium wasn’t cold and clinical like the GAIA facility had been, it felt warm and inviting. There were multiple rings with what could only be apartments stretching so far up that Sweetheart had to strain their neck just to see the top floor. On the ground floor there was what looked like a park, from where they stood they could even see a small lake past the tree line. 

They had really tried to make this place a good home, a place to live until it was all over. 

Sweetheart had been given a keycard to one of the many apartments, one on the 5th ring. So they did the only thing they could do and began the trek to their new home. Leaving one elevator and entering another, alongside many of the others that had entered alongside them. The group packing into the much smaller box standing tightly together, almost like sardines. It felt like being back at work, as if they were in some sort of office building on the way to their job. But it wasn’t…this was home now. 

The fifth floor came sooner than expected and Sweetheart had to squeeze theirself out of the elevator. Glancing down at the keycard to confirm the apartment number before they began to search the ring for their specified home. Following the curve of the structure as they searched. Once located they stood before the door for a moment, a slight tingling of fear entering them as they thought about what waited just beyond the door. They still had no idea if Cutie and Geordi had taken them up on their offer, so it could be an empty home just like their apartment outside of Elysium had been. It was terrifying to think about.

After a moment or so, they steeled their courage and pressed the card to the door panel. Hearing the familiar sound of the lock turning, the reached out to turn the knob and slide the door open.

To their surprise, the lights were already on and it sounded like there was faint movement from inside. All at once the movement became louder, became footsteps against the hardwood floors. Then there in front of them stood Cutie, a face they had thought they would never see again. No words were exchanged between the two as they rushed forward and pulled sweetheart into a tight hug.

“We were so worried about you, we thought you were dead and that these assholes were lying to us!” They exclaimed. Their words prompted a small laugh from Sweetheart, feeling the care laced within them. Milo had been right, of course he had been, despite their fears…they still had people. These were their people, the ones that cared about them, and who they cared for in return.

Cutie quickly called for Geordi, exclaiming that Sweetheart had finally arrived. Geordi was just as excited about their arrival as his partner had been. Pulling them into an even tighter hug, if that was possible, and complaining that they would owe him for scaring them like that. It took forever for the trio to finally separate, after all it had been over a year since they had seen each other and they had a LOT to catch up on. Sweetheart told them all about the facility, even though they weren’t sure if they were supposed to talk about it or not but in their mind it didn’t matter now. They told them about Freelancer, and how they would try and find their family from the descriptions they had been given, and of course they told them about Milo and showed them the picture they had been given.

Once his eyes lay on it, Geordi let out a small gasp.

“That’s Marie, she lives up on the 7th ring. She took care of Cutie when they came down with a cold a few weeks ago!” He exclaimed, Cutie confirming his words when they looked as well. Just like that, the task of finding Milo’s mother didn’t seem as daunting as they had originally thought.

“Can you...introduce me?”

January 1st 2066 - ??? until Zero Day

“If he doesn’t get here today, I’m marching to that facility myself and bringin’ him here.” Marie muttered under her breath as she chopped the veggies for the omelets she was currently preparing. Honestly, Sweetheart could believe it. Or they would have if Marie hadn’t threatened the same thing almost every day for the past week.

Ever since coming to Elysium and meeting Marie, Sweetheart had made a habit of visiting her at least once a day. And just as Milo had said, Marie had latched onto them as soon as Sweetheart had explained their relationship with Milo and had shown her the picture. She basically treated Sweetheart as if they were her own child. 

“Of course you will, they’d have to be idiots to try and take you on.” It had become almost a routine, but Sweetheart would never complain about it. They enjoyed their time with Marie, she had even started to try and teach them how to make a few of her old family recipes. Something Sweetheart was extremely grateful for. It made them feel like this was their home as well.

The breakfast went much like it did every day. Marie would cook with a bit of assistance from Sweetheart and then while they ate she would hound Sweetheart with questions. Asking about their teaching job, about the childrens books they had written, and about everything that had happened in the facility. Trying to get to know them. Marie really did cherish them, even though they had only know them for a month, it was more than enough. She could see how much they cared about her son, and that was the important part to Marie. 

“Are you gonna try and find your Freelancer friend’s family again today?” Sweetheart had told her about one of the few friends they had made while working. And now she was almost as determined to find the Freelancer’s family as Sweetheart was. If only so they would know that they were okay, to give them the same hope that Sweetheart had given to Marie.

“Yeah, today is the 16th ring. Hopefully we’ll find them today.”

January 13th 2066 - ???? until Zero Day

About two weeks had passed since Sweetheart had arrived in Elysium, and even with the help of Marie, Geordi and Cutie, they had yet to locate Freelancer’s family. Sweetheart was starting to get concerned. The evacuations for family members had been months prior to the evacs for the Zero Dawn personnel, so they had to be here somewhere…as long as something hadn’t happened to them.

It had also been two weeks since Sweetheart and Milo had been separated. It was starting to worry both Sweetheart and Marie. Her threats had started to fade off, changing into pleas that today would be the day he would come home. Needless to say, their hope was fading and being replaced with fear…fear that something had happened. 

Trying to push that anxiety aside, Sweetheart was traversing through the park on the bottom ring. Watching the few children that were there as they played. Scanning them in hopes that one might fit the descriptions that Freelancer had given them when describing Caelum. Yet just as they had been every day since arriving, their search was fruitless.

Stopping in front of the small lake, they heard the familiar white noise of a crowd gathering nearby. So they followed the sound as it led them towards the main entrance, where they had arrived from just the month before. As they realized what was happening, they felt their heart skip a beat. Their legs pushing them forward before they realized what they were doing. They climbed the stairs out of the park, skipping every other step so they could reach the top as quickly as they could.

They waited…and waited. Saw Beta after Beta crew member entering the facility but there was no sign of either of the two they were looking for. Their heard pounding in their ears, downing out the conversations of those around them as they stared intently at the doors. Fear clutching their heart as they thought of the worst. Then all at once, they entered…at the same time no less. The duo chatting with each other with a shared look of concern on their faces.

“Milo! Freelancer!” Sweetheart pushed through the crowd of reuniting families, surging forwards towards their friend and lover. Their eyes lighting up as they recognized Sweetheart’s voice calling to them. Before Sweetheart could embrace Milo, Freelancer swept in and pulled them into a hug first. Laughing joyfully as they gave their old desk mate a firm squeeze before letting them go so that they could hug the now pouting Milo. As soon as the attention was on him, his pout faded into a bright smile. Sweetheart honestly didn’t think they had ever seen a smile so beautiful.

That look alone cemented it, as if they hadn’t known this before, but there was no one they would rather be here with.

January 16th 2130 - 64 Years since Zero Day. Estimated humans still alive - 193

It had been two years since Milo had passed away. The years had been kind to the two of you, or at least as kind as they could be considering you were trapped inside of a mountain facility while waiting for death to take you all. 

64 years trapped here, 61 years of marriage, 56 years since his mother passed. The only people left alive in your circle were yourself, and Freelancer’s son Caelum, who was now at the ripe age of 74. He had lived most of his life in this facility and basically knew nothing else, and yet he never let it bother him.

“Come on Bibi, it’s time for bed. You wanna make sure you get enough sleep or you’ll be tired at breakfast tomorrow” He instructed, carefully helping Sweetheart back into their bed for the night.

It had been a long time coming, but Sweetheart could feel it in their bones. Their time was coming to an end and they would finally be able to meet their husband in the afterlife. They would chastise him for passing before they did, leaving them alone. It was amusing for them to think about. Even with their failing memory, they could remember how Caelum would joke that his Uncle Milo would say that he was the one that was kept waiting. Despite the joke, they could see the pain in Caelum’s eyes whenever he thought about them dying. He hated when people died, had said he didn’t want to be left alone here too. 

It seems they were unfortunately going to make him live through that fear.

“Thank you Caelum. Your Bibi is pretty tired.” They struggled to get the words out, voice scratchy sounding and worn from time. He simply smiled and began one of his small rambling sessions as he tucked them into bed, pressing a small kiss to their forehead. Despite his age…he still had the heart of a child, and Sweetheart thought that was beautiful.

“Thank you Caelum. I’ll see you tomorrow.” It was a lie, but there was no point in making Caelum sad during their last interaction. Or at least that’s what Sweetheart thought. They wanted to see his smile one last time before they passed.

“Of course Bibi, I love you.” 

With that, Caelum left and returned to his apartment where he lived all alone after his parents passed. Sweetheart’s heart clenched in sorrow for the man but they couldn’t help but smile when they thought of their own fate.

“I’ll see you soon my love.” It was finished. They lay peacefully, believing that the work that all of the members of Project Zero Dawn had put into would successfully rebuild the world when the time came. Oblivious to the actions of Ted Faro, and the purging of the entire Apollo subfunction.

No one would be learning anything.

November 17th 3041 - One Year since Nora Seeker Aloy put a stop to Hades. 

It was still strange seeing Carja in your lands. Sweetheart had been told all through their childhood amongst the Nora, that the Carja were the enemy and they were to bee treated with distrust. So seeing them being let into the sacred lands by Seeker Aloy seemed wrong, despite the help they had provided her when she had put a stop to the rampaging machines that threatened to destroy all clans, not just the Nora. 

Their distrust lingered deep, and they watched them like a stormbird ready to strike if needed. Something that seemed to be coming much sooner than Sweetheart had anticipate. They watched as one of the men, clad in the traditional golds and reds of the Sun Kingdom, strayed from his group and into the meadow. They didn’t know what he planned to do, but they didn’t trust him.

With practiced ease, they pulled out their equipment, placing the yellow rope in the crook of their metal piece before jumping off the ledge they had been spying from, Taking the zipline down to another platform. The wind whipping around them as they sped down the line. Their landing was almost completely silent as their hunter training kicked in. Crouching down to keep hidden, their eyes focused on the man as they pulled out their trusty spear. The wood feeling firm in their hands, and they asked for the blessing of the all-mother before jumping down right on top of the oblivious stranger. 

A small scuffle occurring as he tried to fight them off, to little avail. The “battle” ended with Sweetheart practically straddling him with the sharpened tip of their spear pressed against the delicate skin of his neck. 

Much to their surprise, he didn’t looked scared as they had expected. In fact he looked rather angry. For a moment, they wondered what he could have been planning for him to be so angered at them interrupting. 

“Why did you separate from your group, Carja?” The man glared up at them, and they took this moment to examine his features. His skin was tanned from exposure to the sun that the Carja worshiped so dutifully, his cheeks were plump which gave him a rather youthful appearance and also let them know that he was probably one of the higher ups in the Carja court since he was able to be fed so well. When they finally made it to his eyes they felt a strange pounding in their chest, causing their grip on their spear to loosen if only a bit.

He seemed…familiar and yet Sweetheart was certain that they had never met him before.

“You gonna get off me, Sweetheart? Or do I gotta tell your precious seeker that one of her hunters was attacking an ally?” They knew his threat was real from the look held in those familiar eyes. So with a glare they stood, returning their spear to its place on their waist. With great reluctance, they extended a hand and helped the man to his feet.

“You never answered my question, Carja.”

The man rolled his eyes and held out a now, very crushed, pale blue flower. It was native to Nora sacred lands and you could find it just about anywhere.

“I was pickin’ this.” He explained, “We don’t have anythin’ lookin’ like it in Meridian. I wanted to bring it home for my Ma. Guess that’s not happenin’ now.” 

Hearing his explanation, Sweetheart felt a bit guilty, despite the fact that they didn’t fully trust him. The law wouldn’t be on their side if they pressed anymore anyway. So they let out a sigh.

“I will…help you find more. There are plenty in Nora lands and I would rather if you didn’t run around without an escort. Even if you are a guest, these are silly sacred lands and I don’t want you to defile them.” Sweetheart explained, placing their hands on their hips as they eyed his reaction. Knowing that if he fought back against them, then he was most likely planning something to hurt the Nora. but if he accepted then there was more of a chance that he wasn’t a threat.

He simply shrugged, letting the crushed flower fall to the floor of the meadow.

“Alright then, that’s fair. This is your home not mine, so i’ll…be respectful.”

“Thank you, Carja.” 

Despite their words of thanks and the understanding that had come between the two of them, the man let out an irritated groan.

“Okay and that, if i’m being respectful then you gotta as well. The name is Milo, not Carja, got it?” The name rung in their ears like a familiar song they had heard once upon a time. They would never admit it to him aloud but they liked the name.

“Well then, Milo. Let’s get your flower.” 

[dragonotaku-justineverything]

Dxd Pokémon AU: Koneko’s Pokémon love to nap on Issei’s belly.

"U-um... Koneko?"

The small girl didn't even look over to Issei from her seat on the bed she'd claimed in their hotel room. It'd been a while since the group stayed at a hotel or in a town instead of camping on the road so Koneko had been quick to dawn her pink pajamas and grab one of the few beds they could afford.

She was rooming with Rias, which was fine, but where Rias went, so did Issei. Koneko wasn't too happy about that additional information.

She didn't turn her head so she could keep watching her show on the hotel's TV and eating her cookies. "What is it perv?"

Issei let out a small irritated groan at her nickname for him. But he didn't retort back because he knew anything he said wouldn't faze her. Instead he just went ahead and voiced his previous concern? "Can you call your Pokémon back?"

At this request, Koneko turned her head just enough to look at Issei, popping a cookie into her mouth as she did. On one of the two beds in their hotel room, Issei was laying down on his back wearing baggy shorts and T-shirt as sleepwear. However, he had some surprising guests with him in bed. And on his stomach.

Koneko's Stufful and Riolu were both curled up next to each other on Issei's stomach. The two little Pokémon had taken up almost the entirety of Issei's body in between his chest and legs, making Issei pretty much unable to move. They had crawled up on him and fallen asleep before Issei had even realized they were there. He had been waiting for Rias to come out of the bathroom so they could share the bed he was on for the night, and got a bit... distracted by imagining all of the mind blowing, dirty little things that could happen during the night and how sexy her body was.

But now the Pokémon on him were seriously jeopardizing that dream! And Issei hated to admit it, but Koneko was probably his only hope of saving it. Even though they did like him and the rest of the group, Koneko's Pokémon didn't take orders from anyone other than her.

All of Issei's hope was in Koneko's hands.

"No."

Welp... there goes Issei's hope...

"Oh come on! Why not!"

Koneko turned back to the TV and resumed watching her show. "Because."

Issei started to squirm a bit in irritation now. "Oh stop being such a ball buster! Please just put them back in their ba-"

"If you wake any of them up, I'll use your balls as a speed bag."

The absolute seriousness and zero change from Koneko's usual monotone voice when she said her threat let Issei know it was really a fact. She could and would do as she promised. So he closed his mouth and didn't question her answer again.

Not even when the bathroom door opened up, a small cloud of steam leaving the room with Rias as she stepped out. Clad in only a towel on her head and loosely closed bathrobe, which was still open enough to show off basically all of her cleavage and how he soft chest pillows bounced with each step she took, Rias strode out into the hotel room. She was just finishing up drying her hair as she looked over at Issei, planning on teasing him a bit with her current attire, but then she saw his current bedmates sleeping on him. In a hushed whisper, Rias cooed, "Ooooooh that's adorable~! Koneko's Pokémon really do like you Issei."

Issei's only response was a small whimper at his predicament, but it must have sounded positive because Rias took it as an affirmative.

"Well that makes me happy to see. I guess I'll be bunking with Koneko tonight instead then."

Issei's eyes widened and he let out another small whimper, this one unquestionably negative and questioning.

"Well I don't want to disturb Stufful and Riolu. They both seem so peaceful." Rias took the towel off of her head, letting her long, crimson hair flutter free and drape down her back. She tightened up her bathrobe, hiding her chest completely (which was an utter crime in Issei's book, and turned to Koneko. "Do you mind if I sleep with you tonight Koneko?"

Koneko swallowed the cookie she was eating and turned off the TV with the remote next to her. "Nope."

"Wonderful~! Let's get ready for bed then."

The two ladies went about their business, getting completely ready for bed, turning off the lights and brushing their teeth. All Issei could do was gaze after Rias as she went over to the other bed next to the one he was in. His eyes were filled with disappointment, but only Koneko saw. Before the smaller girl crawled into bed with Rias, she walked over next to Issei and stared him dead in the eye. "Don't forget what I said." She reached down and gave both her Pokémon's heads a gentle scratch and then went back to the other bed, climbing in under the covers to join Rias.

After they settled down, Issei was left in the quiet darkness of the hotel room. The two guests on his stomach were still sleeping quietly and without stirring. With how dark it was, Issei could barely even see Rias or Koneko's forms in the other bed. So the only thing Issei could really do was stare up at the ceiling of the room and think.

'Koneko... you suck... And not in the fun way...'

[aerialflight]

Fic Rec (it's been too long and I read a whole lot of fics)

I've read so many fics these past couple of months and my need to share them to the world has seized me by the throat. Please enjoy and support these fanfic writers! They are the best. XD

-

[Naruto]

Nine-Tailed Foxes are Dead by RowlettLesbian

Ship: Shikamaru/Naruto

For Konoha, it's been one month since the preliminary Chunin exams. For Naruto, it's been six. And he wasn't in Konoha.

At the end of his ordeal, Naruto walks into the Chunin Exam finals without his left arm.

Shikamaru is very concerned. And, eventually, very precious to Naruto as they work together to solve the mysteries of Konoha and bring kindness to the Shinobi world, one adventure at a time.

(I would die for this fic. I know the summary sounds doom and gloom but IT'S NOT. This fic made me fucking cry, I don't think I've ever read a fic that characterized Naruto so right. He's so full of hope and love and develops into the best version of himself and I'm so HERE FOR IT. And it's not just Naruto, Shikamaru is absolutely amazing here along with Kakashi and surprise surprise Ino, I can't BELIEVE it took me this long to stumble across this fic. Also THE WORLDBUILDING IS TO DIE FOR!!! And the plot! Is! So! Interesting! Just, everything about this fic is just amazing so please PLEASE read this!!!)

The End of the Uchiha by RowlettLesbian

Ship: Naruto/Sasuke

“I promise, little electric spirit of this shrine,” he whispered into the soft dirt and fallen leaves, “I will never gain the eyes. I will never pass them on. And I will make sure the eyes end in my brother, so that they can’t hurt anybody anymore. I will be the last Uchiha, and see to the end of the Copy-Wheel Clan. Then all of the hatred here can stop, and my family can rest peacefully. I promise, little shrine.”

Sasuke is more than his brother thinks he is. He's more than any Uchiha has ever been. He will kill his brother, but it will not be vengeance.

It will be mercy.

(Same author as the one above, they are the gift that keeps on giving. Seriously, HOW did I NEVER FIND THESE FICS before now??? One of life's greatest mysteries. The author's sense of humor is so on point here along with the atmospheric writing that's so vivid in the mind. Their writing style is so recognizable to me now and makes me fall into the world they're creating, it's stunning. Sasuke here makes me want to hug him and the idea of him living like a feral ghibli character has me LIVING. Check the tags of the fic, all of it is true, hand to god. Please give all of the author's fics a shot, it's a rabbit hole I'm thankful I fell into!)

mil fantasmas (gritan en calma) by LegaciesandMemories

Post-Tsukuyomi, something in Uchiha Sasuke's mind shatters. The same night, Yamanaka Ino falls asleep and doesn't wake up for 15 days.

---

In which Ino and Sasuke both wake from the aftermath of the Uchiha Massacre with the ability to see ghosts, and no one is prepared for the fallout.

(This fic has arrested my curiosity and eagerness to know what will happen next. These poor kids need so many hugs and Ino is getting the spotlight she deserves. I am so excited for this fic and what it has in store! Please read! XD)

Lichtenberg Figures by Asteroid_Duck (JustThatOneGirl1815)

Name: Kakashi Hatake Rank: Jounin Status: Missing Nin Missing Since: June 15th, 271 AD Note: Flee on Sight . . . Haburashi looked his team in the eyes— three, fresh out of the Academy genin— and resolved to teach them as best as he could. And right now, his lesson was simple: “Stay. Away. From. Kakashi. Hatake.”

(Dimension travel fic with a slice of Kakashi being an absolute troll and dealing with the shitty hand he's been dealt with. Seriously, the man has the worst luck in all of Konoha. Also, the mystery of the other Kakashi's history has me leaning by the edge of my seat, I need to know.)

The Governess by Ysmirel

Ship: Kakashi/OFC

"“What,” he finally asked, “is so funny?”

Ibara bit her lower lip to keep the chuckles in, still smiling and making absolutely no effort to get more space between them, seemingly perfectly at ease within reach of a trained shinobi. Her self-control wasn't all that good, as she ended up snorting and was overcame once again by another fit of laughter. “I just- It's just-” She struggled to speak, trying to catch her breath and wiping away tears of mirth with the hand that wasn't still holding onto his vest. Finally, she looked him in the eye and said, with a smile that was all teeth and without a hint of her previous drunken stupor, “and who's going to believe you?”

As he stood there, stunned by her words and change in demeanor, he realized with dawning horror that she was right."

In which Kakashi finds himself at the other end of the troll shtick, and he doesn't appreciate it all that much.

(It's so hard to find self-insert fics with a fresh concept these days, especially in the naruto fandom. Not that I don't enjoy and devour a lot of self insert fics like it's going out of style, but it's just so nice to find something new and shiny and really damn good. I'm so pumped for this fic and how it's going to develop so please join me in rooting for this fic!)

half a league (until the valley of death) by SpectersShadow117

Kakashi can think of no reason for Sasuke's inexplicable and drastic change in behavior. He doesn't like the desperate, haunted gleam in his student's eyes, and he also doesn't like the nagging feeling that he's missing something very important. Aka: Future Sasuke goes to Past Sasuke and gives him a reality check with Specific Intentions, but as with most Uchiha, his methods leave much to be desired. (Featuring: Childhood trauma FTW, Konoha's shitty care of orphans, and absolutely no one having a fun time.)

(Sasuke wanting to change the future out of complete and utter spite has me LIVING. Sasuke is such a Mess here and the twist on the time travel premise is so good and the kid is so Traumatized and Desperate and Not Having A Good Time. Naruto and Sakura developing as better ninjas and Kakashi trying his best makes me want to scream. Also, how Sasuke thinks about Itachi makes me want to cackle. I am 100% down for this. I am rooting for this kid, go get them! XD)

-

[Harry Potter]

fruit loops in time (circle around me) by justprompts

Ships: Harry/Draco, Remus/Sirius

"This is Crabbe, and Goyle," the blonde boy says, pointing at the two boys next to him. "And I'm Malfoy, Draco Ma - "

Ron laughs, and Malfoy immediately bristles.

"Think my name's funny, do you?" Malfoy says, angrily. "No need to ask yours - "

"You're honestly so cute," Ron interrupts, yet again, shaking his head. "So tiny. And so angry, all the time. It's adorable."

Alternatively Ron Weasley, Time Traveller Extraordinaire, is stuck in the same seven year Hogwarts Loop, repeating the same thing over and over again. Naturally, he's so done with everything.

(This is the greatest hp fic I've ever read. I LOVE RON WEASLEY and by the time you read this fic SO WILL YOU!! This is the fic I WISH I have the ability to write. I read this entire fic aloud to my brother and we spent literal hours howling and talking about how utterly insane and incredible this fic is, it's amazing. This is hands down my favorite Ron Weasley. You Can Pry This Fic From My Cold Dead Fingers.)

-

[Boku no Hero Academia]

Kacchan's Cult by Ourliazo

Pro Hero Ground Zero is attacked, originally meant to be de-aged out of existence by a desperate villain but is instead launched into his 14-year-old self.

But Katsuki is a fucking pro so whatever, time to fuck up someone's day. And sure, maybe he's only one man, but that's why he conscripts the entirety of the UA student body into tearing down some criminal empires.

(It's time travel, crack, and Bakugou being his usual explody, competent self. What more in life do you want? Seriously though, please read. I'm obsessed with this fic and having a Good Time!)

Cleaning Crew; Teaching Kids to Value their Safety, for Fun and Profit by Reavv

Takenaka Hideo is a thirty-two year old, in mild desperation for money, who has just been hired as a new janitor for UA's support staff. He has a quirk that lets him find lost objects, a liaison with the police because of it, and desperate desire for competent co-workers.

Oh, and he's already lived a previous life, in a world where quirks and heroes didn't even exist.

Not a big deal, though. It's not like you ever see the janitor playing a big part in action movies. He's here to get paid, and that's it.

On the opposite side of the equation, class 1-A has to wonder at the new UA cryptid that always seems to show up when things are on fire, and who keeps trying to convince them to let the adults handle the fire extinguisher.

(A great deal of fun packed into one fic. That is how I title this fic and nothing will change my mind! Hideo just wants to quietly do his job and not get in the way. I Relate. Please read!)

Poltergeist by WriterGreenReads

Class 1-A is haunted.

Well, not really.

I AM dead, though.

World's friendliest poltergeist, at your service.

(I don't know how I got so sucked into OC fics, but I found some fantastic fics along the way so I have no regrets. The author really tries to push the premise and I just love all the interactions and dynamics that form as the fic gets further in. And the OC character and all the hijinks they get up to cracks me up! At the same time, it's pretty heartwarming and it's practically a friendships galore fic! Definitely recommend it!)

invincible by supercrunch for Engrin

Ship: Bakugou/Midoriya

This is the way the world works: the sun rises in the east. The strong come out on top. Bakugou Katsuki rockets through life like a comet and Midoriya Izuku stumbles after. If he believed in such things Katsuki would say it was written in the stars. That some god of war had looked at him and said this one. That he’d been passed along a line to get his blessings – genius, willpower, fearless ambition – and dropped off on earth.

Then, of course, there is the question of Deku. The spitfire runt. Deku, no matter what the world does to him, never stops hoping.

Until, of course, he eventually does.

(Katsuki broke him. Snapped him in half like a twig and now has to scramble to put Deku back together. “We can do this, Deku," he says slowly. "There are so many mysteries that never got put to bed. Criminals roaming around looking to hurt people and you and me, we can fix that.”

There’s a long pause. The comforter slips a little off Deku’s skinny shoulders and drowns him. “You mean like a team?”

In that split second, Katsuki makes a decision he’s never even considered. He swallows his pride. “Yeah, Deku. We’d be a team.”)

(If there was any other way canon could've gone, this is the story I would've wanted. It's perfect.)

Inadvertent Wilderness Therapy by Cacid

Following an unfortunate encounter with a teleporter on the last day of internships, Bakugou Katsuki and Hakamata Tsunagu spend some quality time in northern Canada.

In no particular order they will: build ugly survival shelters, stalk rabbits, run from polar bears, reflect on the chemical composition of trees, insult each other, and complain about krumholtz.

(THESE TWO. TOGETHER. IN THE WILDERNESS. IN FUCKING CANADA OF ALL PLACES. I still can't believe this fic actually exists and just how INVESTED I became in their relationship. Blue Jeanist instantly became my favorite ranked hero with this fic alone. HIS SENSE OF HUMOR IS TERRIBLE, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH FNIEWOPAF. BAKUGOU DOES TOO. IT'S FUCKING INCREDIBLE. *incoherent screeching into the wild*)

-

[Stranger Things]

Baci D'aria by RabbitDarling

“Love is worth the sum of itself, and nothing more.” ― Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic

Steve learned a lot at his Aunt's side before she passed but his favourite thing she taught him was baci d'aria; special little spells that you created from the heart and put into the food you shared.

In opening his heart and gifts to those around him Steve slowly finds himself a family in a way he never thought he'd get to experience. One by One he collects pre-teens to trail in his wake like ducklings and Steve can't even refute it by the time he realizes what has happened.

(This fic is so soft and Steve is just collecting people and winning them over with his magical food (literally). I am always a sucker for heartwarming, good for the soul fics so if you want to make yourself hungry and feel all warm and gooey inside, read this!)

(Don't Fear) The Reaper by TeaFourTwo

Ship: Steve/Billy

He looks down at the blood on his hands and on the floor and wonders why the memory hasn’t broken yet, why he isn’t back in Starcourt mall with control of his body again, wonders if he's even still alive at all. Is this hell then? Or perhaps purgatory? It certainly isn’t heaven, that’s for sure. None of this makes any sense…but then what's new—nothing in Billy’s life makes sense anymore.

Billy laughs then, loud and long and unhinged. It's the only sound in the whole house, and it bounces off the walls like a fucked up echo, like the world is laughing with him.

“Jesus christ you’re insane…” It’s Max’s voice and it’s shaking. It only makes Billy laugh harder, because Max has it all wrong. Billy isn’t crazy, it’s the rest of the world that’s insane.

--

Billy dies a hero of sorts. He wakes up back in his bed on Saturday morning, the third of November, 1984...nearly nine months earlier.

(Billy is stuck in a time loop and it's slowly driving him crazy. And the fic shows just how much influence Billy did have in the plot and how doomed the world is without him in it. Great character exploration with Billy's character and all the ways he's so messy and human. Definitely recommend it!)

-

[Knives Out]

The Road Less Traveled By by UisceOneLove

Ship: Marta/Ransom

If Harlan wants to leave Ransom to be on his own, fine. He'll show him just what Ransom Drysdale is capable of.

or, where Ransom chooses to prove his abilities through means of the non-homicidal variety and finds himself becoming exactly what Harlan was hoping he would.

(I found this fic out of sheer chance and god, Ransom is just, so fascinating to me as a character. Marta of course is the Best here and I will forever stan her. Seriously, this is such a good fic! Please read!)

-

[Haikyuu!!]

Sky Full of Stars by grilledsquids

The Hinatas are twins. They're practically identical.

But while Shouyou seeks out Karasuno's volleyball team to become the next Little Giant, Natsu is scouted to to play soccer for Shiratorizawa. While Shouyou sets his eyes on playing volleyball at the highest level possible, his sister wonders how much longer she can play soccer... and if it's worth it to keep going.

A Natsu-centric story featuring: Shiratorizawa VBC shenanigans, too many soccer OCs, mild teenage drama, a little bit of plot, and Semi Eita not knowing what a period is.

(It's just!! So cute and wholesome!!! The Shiratorizawa volleyball team is so fleshed out along with the OC characters for the girl's soccer team and I swear, it's been a long while since I've laughed this much at the sheer shenanigans that happen in a fic. It's surprisingly hard to find good gen fics in this fandom so finding this gem made me so happy! If you want a fic that brings a smile to your face, read this!!)

like water by speakingincode

Ship: Oikawa/Kageyama

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi says, and when Tooru looks at him, he can read My best friend’s an idiot off the crease of his eyebrows. “Are you telling me you spent the last three years weirdly obsessed with Kageyama – I still remember the time you made us play him on a dumb whim, you know – and now you’re at his beck and call? Are you okay? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’m— I’m not at his beck and call! I said no last week. It’s… It’s like you said. I get bored easily. I saw him at the park a couple weeks after they played Nationals and called him a perfect little tyrant, and he pestered me into spending time with him after,” Tooru says. “I’m not a monster, Iwa-chan. If he wants the company of his cool, handsome ex-upperclassman that badly, who am I to begrudge him?”

Or: Oikawa doesn't know why Kageyama keeps asking to meet him on Saturdays. He also doesn't know why he keeps saying yes.

(The fact this fic is canon-compliant and covers post-canon too makes me want to shout to the heavens. Fucking incredible! One of the best Oikakage fics ever and it's a crime how it's not at the top of the ship tag. Please please read!!)

twist into your shape by kakkoweeb

Ship: Oikawa/Kageyama

The only thing better than sweets were sweets containing paper that told you whether your future would be good or bad--or in Kageyama and Oikawa's case, paper that somehow caused you to live inside each other's bodies.

(Everyone probably already read this fic but it needs to be said, you need to read this fic. How these two try and manage each other's lives and slowly start to care about one another is so beautiful and sincere and I am ready to wrestle anyone to the floor and comply them into reading this fic. Doesn't matter if you like the ship, you will become a fan if you read it, I promise. Please please read!!)

Take the Long Road Home by pepperfield

Ship: Kuroo/Sawamura

When Azumane Asahi goes missing before his engagement meeting with Kozume Kenma, what other option is there but for Daichi to impersonate his brother and fake his way through a first date with Asahi's fiance?

Okay, let's be realistic - there were probably at least four other options.

Unfortunately, Tetsurou couldn't come up with any of them either, so now he's here flirting with Kenma's future husband while trying to keep his web of deceit from collapsing.

It's going to be an eventful day.

(I got obsessed with this ship alongside Oikakage and SO WILL YOU. THE POTENTIAL. THE BANTER. THE FACT THEY'RE BOTH DORKS AND THE FIC HAS IDENTITY SHENANIGANS DANCING ALL OVER IT!! I had so much fun reading this and these two are MEANT TO BE FENIWPAF. If you don't see the potential of this ship, you will now.)

a misunderstanding a day keeps the boyfriend away by bartallen for betuls

Ship: Kuroo/Sawamura

Kuroo doesn’t fall in love hard and fast like many others do – he falls slowly, and very very softly. Most of the times he doesn’t even realise he’s in love with someone until it’s too late.

(Kuroo is the dumbest man alive and I've never related to someone so hard in my life. God help me.)

You like me. by roseknight

Ship: Daishou/Kuroo

Kuroo nearly lived a Daishou-free life, and sometimes he looked back and wondered how much better and how much worse that would've been.

(I didn't even know who Daishou was until I read this fic and now I can't unsee the potential this ship has. I'm a ruined woman and I regret NOTHING.)

Kings of the Road, Kings of the Universe by EzzyDean

Eight magical captains, one bus, an entire summer (and country) waiting for them.

What could possibly go wrong?

(The magic of friendship meets the magic of a summer road trip meets pure magic.)

(CAPTAIN SQUAD IS THE BEST SQUAD SOMEBODY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SEND ME SOME CAPTAIN SQUAD FICS I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS SQUAD IT'S A PROBLEM AAAAHHHHHH!)

宿縁 : See You Soon by MissKiraBlue

Ship: Oikawa/Kageyama

Upon arriving at the train station of death, an impure soul is granted a second chance at life against his will. Reincarnating into the body of Kageyama Tobio, a 15-year-old boy who recently committed suicide. Tobio's soul will depart at death and the soul needs to slip in to replace it. If the soul's reformation succeeds, he’ll reenter the cycle of rebirth and regain the right to be reborn. He will have three months to accomplish this task.

“Even though you had enough of life,” the soul whispered into the void of the room, “you were still afraid to hurt your hands, Tobio.”

Afraid of giving himself a scar, if he survived.

He touched his pulse and grasped life and couldn’t help but pity Kageyama Tobio.

"You wanted to die and now I’m here making you live again," he whispered into the night.

(I'm not even exaggerating when I say out of all the fics in this entire goddamn, too long list, this is the fic I'm anticipating and heart eyeing the most. It's only starting, but I already cried on chapter fucking 2, the power of this fic, holy shit. The author also wrote the hq time loop Every Tomorrows series, which I have an undying love for and am full on praying for the day it updates, so you KNOW this fic will be just as good. (Anybody who hasn't read this series, where the hell have you been?? Read it!!) Just, everything about this fic hurts me and something in my chest just aches when I read this fic. Go into it blind with an open heart and I swear to you, it's going to change your life. I'm already calling it. Seriously though, please please read!)

-

[Crossover]

Learning to Fly by Asteroid_Duck (JustThatOneGirl1815)

Fandoms: Boku no Hero Academia, Naruto

The number three hero is a walking (well, flying) contradiction in every sense of the word. This includes his teaching skills. Why had Tokoyami agreed to this internship again? Oh right. He’d thought he was actually going to learn something. …….remind him to never be so optimistic again. . . . OR, Kakashi Hatake is reincarnated as the pro hero, Hawks. Tokoyami Fumikage suffers as a result.

(The reincarnation fic I never thought I needed and it's so good!! I've never really paid attention to Tokoyami and this fic sent me headfirst into loving him. Their dynamic is so interesting and I just love how their relationship develops. Also, Kakashi trolling the poor kid made me cackle, it's great! Definitely recommend it!)

Si Vis Pacem by athenoot

Fandoms: Boku no Hero Academia, John Wick

Everything has a price. That's what John has always known and will forever remember, even in death.

Which is pretty ironic considering his current circumstance.

Instead of a grown, scarred, weary body belonging to a man as cruel and broken as him, he's inhabiting a younger, smaller, unblemished one belonging to a child with strangely colored hair, and is living in what seems to be a superhuman society.

Well. May it never be said that John isn't a strategist. He can live with this. Maybe.

(Somewhere out there in the universe, he's certain he could hear the laughter of his enemies from beyond the grave.)

-

Or: John Wick is reincarnated as Midoriya Izuku. The world should probably watch its back.

(This should be one of the crackiest fics I've read in a while, but it's taken so seriously and I'm so HERE FOR THIS. John Wick being John Wick in a world of quirks and heroes is the GREATEST, honestly, he's so badass. Bakugou, I feel for you, you must be so fucking confused lol. Bakugou trying his best to be a good friend is one of the best things about this fic. Trust me, this fic will make your day, promise!)

A Girl's Mind is a Dangerous Place by clenastia

Fandoms: Naruto, Fairy Tail

Natsu wakes up in Sakura's body. It only gets worse from there. Also known as: In Which Natsu has No Idea what to do with Boobs.

(I binged this in two fucking days, I couldn't put it down. This fic reminded me why I liked fairy tail when I was younger and why Natsu is honestly such a great protagonist, god. And the fic does that thing, you know, the Thing where when two worlds collide, the characters struggle to acclimate and adapt to a completely another world with different rules and mindsets against their own. This fic is seriously one of the best when it comes to that aspect, it's incredible. I am going absolutely feral over here for this fic to update, I'm waiting in the wings, ready to pounce like a tiger, all the metaphors man. For the love of god, read this fic.)

Give me a landscape made of obstacles by Melise

Fandoms: Naruto, Natsume's Book of Friends

Kakashi Hatake isn’t who he says he is.

Because the truth is that he’s actually a youkai in disguise, a wolf spirit named Madara who stumbled across the Hatake clan during the Warring States Period. Intrigued by the shinobi he saw, he’d proposed a temporary alliance in which he would offer the clan protection in exchange for their teachings.

Decades later, Madara is surprised to find himself inadvertently summoned to Konoha by the last living member of the Hatake clan. Sakumo Hatake, who is mourning the recent deaths of his wife and stillborn child, doesn’t want to be alone anymore. So with his permission, Madara takes the place of Sakumo’s deceased son in order to watch over the last Hatake.

(Fusion in which the youkai of Natsume’s Book of Friends all exist in the Naruto world. No knowledge of Natsume’s Book of Friends required).

(Before this fic, I only had a very vague idea of what Natsume's Book of Friends was, and honestly, I still don't know much about it. But I didn't really need to know to get into this fic. I love the worldbuilding and the relationships Kakashi forms, both supernatural and mortal. I love how Kakashi's inhumane ways affect others around him, whether to stress them out or become used to the strange. You can go straight into this fic without knowing anything and absolutely still have a fantastic time. I definitely recommend this so please read!)

[this-is-my-procrastination]

hi honey! (●’◡’●)ﾉ could i request a oneshot with Dazai, and reader is just always sleepy? like if she sits still for longer than thirty minutes, she’ll be passed out? thank you!

pairing: dazai osamu x sleepy!reader

synopsis: sleepy y/n has trouble staying awake

request: hi honey! (●’◡’●)ﾉ could i request a oneshot with Dazai, and reader is just always sleepy? like if she sits still for longer than thirty minutes, she’ll be passed out? thank you!

a/n: omg im so sorry this literally took me 10 million years to finish!! i think i’ve rewritten this like more than four times at this point lmao but hopefully it turned out ok and you like it! as always, thank you so much for requesting ily <33

A pair of lips delicately brush your cheek. Your eyes flutter open, groggily blinking the sleep from your eyes as you slowly register the owner of the offending lips. To no one’s surprise, it’s Dazai’s smug face that beams back at you, grin softening as he teases, “Look who fell asleep again~ If you weren’t so cute, I might be offended y’know?” His playful pout causes you to giggle, your boyfriend already helping to make waking up so much less vexing than usual.

Retaliating to his teasing remarks, you attempt to ruffle his messy tuft of black hair but find that his head is sadly more than an arm’s length away, much to your dismay. Looking back down at your disheveled bedhead fondly, Dazai pulls you into his arms as you release a few indignant retorts. The movie you two were watching had been in its closing scenes, but when he looked towards you to ask your thoughts (and ask why you’d been so quiet after literally the first thirty minutes), he was met with your very cute, very endearing, very much asleep expression, eyes shut and mouth slightly ajar. Your head was adorably leaned against the crook of his neck, and he would prefer not to admit it, but he had spent more time than he realized just admiring your dozing features silently, appreciating and marveling at this human who made him feel so loved. Past Dazai would have scoffed at a serious romantic relationship that didn’t end in double suicide, but right now, the thought of not being able to spend peaceful moments like this with you was the most excruciating punishment he could possibly imagine. How could he imagine someone else when even just your sleeping face was so incredibly adorable to him?

Your freshly-awake ramblings brought him back to the present. Dazai lets his fingers drift and find its place loosely running down a stray strand of your hair, twirling it cheerfully as he listens to you continuing on.

You suddenly stop your rant, staring at him with an amused expression on your face before you gently prod his side, “What’re you so deep in thought about?” You pondered the possibilities, “Could you be thinking about what to eat? I’m pretty hungry too after that nice nap!”

“No, no,” Dazai dramatically denies your question, waving his hand dismissively, “Well - I’ll never say no to a snack, but I was actually mesmerized! You just look so cute when you’re sleepy~”

You playfully roll your eyes, nudging him with a teasing “uh-huh.”

“Is that why I can get away with falling asleep around you?” your smile is warm as you meet his eyes, and Dazai’s heart quickens just slightly, “I told you that you can wake me up since I sometimes fall asleep before I realize. I appreciate you always taking care of me though, Dazai. You’re a very good boyfriend for that~”

Your praise is music to Dazai’s ears as his lips quirk into a smirk, “Oh-ho, am I finally getting the appreciation I’ve been deserving? I’m glad you finally noticed!” Your boyfriend’s hand pats your head affectionately, and you laugh aloud as he plasters a quick sloppy kiss to your forehead.

You’re about to playfully call him out for his touchiness but your boyfriend’s chest immediately puffs out theatrically, “But don’t you worry! I’m self-sworn to protect my sleeping beauty for as long as I live - actually, even from the grave!”

Dazai’s sudden knightly attitude cracks you up as you swiftly duck out from under his hand. You grin widely at his antics before matching his energy with a statement fitting for a true princess: “oh, ya - uh! ok thanks buddy! so then, Sir Dazai, lead the way to the kitchen and let’s make a mid-movie - oh, never mind the movie’s over - a post-movie snack!”

Dazai’s cheers ring through your apartment as he eagerly yet still surprisingly delicately, always being careful to keep you unscathed and present by his side, grabs your hand and escorts you into the kitchen.

The plan was to make brownies. So, why is Dazai furiously beating a bowl of grainy “whipped cream” that he’d made using a combo of water and specifically granulated, not confectionary, sugar? Why is more brownie batter on cabinet doors than in the baking pan? Why is the salt tipped onto its side, spilling its entire contents into some kind of abstract shape on the countertop?

One reason: food fight. Maybe your abundant sleeping habits had finally caught up to you, but you had never felt as invigorated and actively mischievous as you had when you’d swiped some brownie batter onto your boyfriend’s face. It was worth it! You think. You thought. Dazai’s brown hues absolutely shined with mirth at your pathetic attempt of provoking him. You were prepared for him to laugh it off and call you adorable, maybe naive for playing with fire, but ultimately he would chuckle and move on. Except, that did not happen. Instead, he had immediately retaliated with an even bigger glop thrown into your hair, partly accidentally and partly to be a li’l gremlin, and oh boy, it just escalated from there.

The whipped cream Dazai had whipped up for “quick ammunition” was quickly used up - Dazai scooped it, and the heap had seemed to grow impossibly bigger with every additional spoonful. Currently, his smile was widening and creepily stretching ear-to-ear as his starry eyes zeroed in on your vulnerable form.

The ruthless battle continued for a while, but after finally agreeing to a truce, you both couldn’t help but stare at the resulting mess with equally blank stares.

“Mm... okgoodnightbabe! I’ll see you in the morning!” You almost trip over yourself as you flee, throwing a cursory glance at your incredulous boyfriend before giggling and rushing to close the bedroom door before he can follow. Dazai’s whining carries through the solid wood, but you playfully call back, “I’ll give you anything you want - just pleasee do the cleaning! And if it’s too much, come to bed and we can deal with it in the morning together, ok?”

You could clearly picture Dazai’s pout in your mind as the sound of his footsteps fades towards the kitchen. Smiling fondly, you quickly change into your pajamas and hop into your shared bed to wait for his return. However, listening to the distant clanging of bowls and whooshing of the tap water proved to be an effective lullaby, and you couldn’t help it as your eyes began to flutter and eventually stay closed.

By the time Dazai finishes cleaning, the dark night sky was starting to brighten and mix with the warm oranges and reds of sunrise. He quietly opens your bedroom door and is met, not really to his surprise, by your sleeping lump of a body. Dazai’s brows furrow slightly, but he quickly notices the open book laying by your form and realizes that you had been up waiting for him. He could also tell you by the blankets messily strewn around you - usually you preferred having them wrapped around you like a tight burrito.

At that, Dazai lightly chuckles, his heart warming at the thought. He takes his time putting on a fresh set of clothes and rolls his eyes as he ever-so-gently tucks the blankets over you. The bed shifts as he climbs in carefully, but Dazai quickly freezes as you start to mumble quietly. Your words are inaudible, even as Dazai strains his ears to hear any (possible) secrets that you could be spouting. Shifting restlessly, you roll around and suddenly shoot out your arm, making an interesting grabby motion. Dazai almost lets out a laugh as he wonders what in the world you could be looking for, but his eyes widen when you make contact with your boyfriend and immediately calm down, hand gripping his shirt loosely.

As your body relaxes, Dazai feels a wide smile creep up his face, adoring and almost grossly soft. And he lets it. He just can’t help himself - he leans in and places an affectionate kiss on your forehead, lingering there before pulling back and squeezing next to you under the covers. He shifts your arm into a more comfortable position, and as you unconsciously flip to face him, Dazai’s eyes soften into a sweet but intensely warm chocolate brown. If you had been awake to open your eyes, you would have witnessed a rare but genuine sight: your boyfriend’s peaceful expression illuminated by the quiet sunlight of dawn, his eyes deeply staring into yours with endless messages of comforting assurance and happiness, and his lips subtly quirking into a tenderly loving smile shared only for the two of you.

[spencerscoven]

— dreams of another

about ; Since that night in the office you wander onto Spencer’s mind at all times, like clockwork.

gif by saramichellesgeller

CONTENT WARNING: unedited, smut, oral sex (male&female receiving), choking, unprotected sex, cheating, angst

a/n: view part 1 here.

The second time it happens, it's only a week that passes before Spencer finds himself on the floor of the humid conference room, his limbs entangled with yours, while the cool air settles on the sheen of sweat coated on his forehead. In the corner of of the room, he watches the navy blouse discarded carelessly on the top of a chair, similar in color to the marks between your breast.

The third time it happens, he tells you it's the last time, with his back facing you and his eyes gazing at entirely nothing.

The fourth and fifth time, Spencer doesn't say anything in the tiny space of your bedroom as he overlooks the buildings surrounding your apartment, then all the way to the concrete foundation down below, studying how insignificant everyone looked. How unknowing they were to the moral wrongdoings happening all around them.

"You live so high up. I live four floors down from here in my own building." You listened as he said those fruitless words.

"What does that mean?" You questioned, lips pursing together while your finger nails caught on the creases of the cream duvet beneath you where he laid only minutes before.

“People like you are meant to fuck people like me.” He mumbles, smirking, the vibrations of his voice upheld by the enclosures of cheap plaster walls.

The only thing left to do was to watch as the muscles of his back contracted, dancing in the lines of the darkness with the patter of his feet coming towards you. You monitored the direction of his hand as it reached for the band of his briefs, the other already latched around your neck.

The sixth time it happens, it’s in the bounds of his own apartment where he presses peppery kisses along the sides of your face, assuring you in confidence that she wouldn’t catch the two of you there. And he reassures you the only way he knows how, his fingers plying at your zipper and kneeling like he would at an alter, guiding the arch of your hips closer.

Two weeks from then was when the phone calls started. You began to understand the pattern, laying awake until the sweet pinnacle of dawn where he’d whisper your name through the receiver, exhaustion tainted in Spencer’s voice when he’d ask, “how was your night?” before he began to speak. You’d listen to Spencer talk about the good and the bad. About his mother, vintage cufflinks, and the bookshelf he wanted. Sometimes about the glasses or earrings in the store had reminded him of you. Often about how pretty you looked latched onto his cock. You wanted him to want to keep you.

You wanted him to want you first, to touch you before you even had to lay a finger on him, to grab the back of your neck and kiss you first. Anything he could do to prove that he wanted this too. Something in your head told you it was wrong to long for such a furtive thing. But you found yourself willing to be second best anyways, head stuck below sub zero while you prioritized the taste of his lips along with everything else that made him, him.

So in the shadows this thing between the two of you remained.

And the team began to realize Spencer now had a thing with being late.

They also began to realize that you didn’t drink nearly enough coffee to warrant all of your disappearances.

JJ malignly embarked on the observation of the two of you during meetings, where you never met Spencer’s eye properly but unconsciously leaned your body towards him with each interaction. And all at once it made sense to her, why he was more drawn to his phone, departing from bed at night in preference of hushed ringtones, his growing fondness to late nights. They had never agreed to a proclamation of love, not even on the days she relaxed on his dingy apartment furniture. JJ figured it was his way of waiting on her to feel the same as he might’ve, when in reality it was Spencer’s way of making sure you still remained in his life.

It was a Tuesday when she let the structure of your sin unravel in the bleak corner of the hallway with Spencer, confessing “i know” and chastening him,

“How many people are you willing to hurt?”

With the unequivocal decision pinned to the front of his brain, Spencer told you he didn’t want to hurt anyone else during the last call the two of you shared at night. The words became lost from your ears as you feigned deafness, thinking about how stupid you were to take him in the only way you could, thinking one-third of him be adequate enough.

So you hung up before he said goodbye, and it was easy to do solely because if love couldnt suffice, hate would have to.

It was odd to overlook the call that came immediately after, your eyes unblinking at the white screen. The weeks after that only came to demonstrate that finding a home within someone was overrated, even if you knew who was behind the blocked numbers that caused your phone to viberate so often it would fall off your nightstand.

Little by little you figured you’d forget and move onto your own devices, exhausted by the ability that you still moved through life, yet experienced none of it without itching for him next to you. You lusted after the idea you’d wake up with the intensity of it all slipped from your mind, forgetting how his arms felt, skin, pulse, the sound of his voice, or the soft ringlets of his hair that continued to grow as you wilted.

A harder idea to get out of your head was if he was okay, followed by if he ever thought of you at the same time you thought of him. Did he know you wouldn’t have minded resigning to another team? Or that you considered doing it, even now?

Spencer spectated your life, the base of his throat becoming caught when he watched you get worse, speak less, become smaller. You’d shrunken within yourself. Months passed, with him having too many inquiries about you to Morgan, who always gave him a disappointing look, but told him about you each time. That you hadn’t been sleeping, internal clock stuck on keeping you up until the crack of dawn, your mind regressing backwards solely because of him. He gave up on leaving those stupid sticky notes in your books that said “call me!” or even the ones that asked if you were okay, asking if you able to stand on your own.

He watched you so long that he began to see you get better, more social as you expanded, becoming a part of the team again. You were different, but you were you again. It was a bitter pill to swallow when he took heed that your life no longer included him, keeping his lips sealed at any revelation that would show he was still devoted.

So it was dull-witted when he found himself outside the door of your apartment, swaying back and fourth because every night since the last call his world had been spinning faster and faster, trapping him inside as a prisoner. For weeks straight Spencer had awoken with the feeling of bile ready to rise out of his throat, your presence always lacking even if you controlled the beat of his heart.

He knocked. And thought about how angelic you looked when you answered, the confused expression not going unnoticed by him as a celebration sounded somewhere in his mind because you looked as if you weren’t expecting anyone else. And Spencer knows he’d collapse right then and there if you had been.

“I’ve been thinking— it’s not like I can really stop it— for months. It’s been around sixty eight days since we last spoke,” He began, taking you in, enstilling trust in his brain to get a photo of you so well that he could have it forevermore if you didn’t want him anymore. If that had ever been the case he’d leave. He’d leave the state if you asked him to.

“Why are you here?” You only had four words to say out loud, the rest buzzing around in your head safely, unauthorized to rise out of your throat.

“We never really said anything about it but I think we both knew how we felt.” Spencer leans closer just in time for his lips to land beside your ears, lighting a match inside your chest that had stayed extinguished for far too long.

“Speaking was never our strong suit, anyway.” You replied, your lips pursed while your arms took on a defensive stance, pushing him back gently.

You were shipwrecked inside, pushing him back again, this time firmly because you knew you couldn’t stop him from coming closer, even if you wanted to. You were at a standstill as his hands brought yours to his shoulders, drawing circles on your hip with the tips of his fingers. He was in your doorway asking if he was yours, not trying to eloquently wrap you around his finger.

Your limbs acted before your mind did, digits moving across his adam’s apple and holding tight, restricting his airflow like he had done to you so many times while he fucked you into the mattress. You gleamed at him with not much in your eyes, trying to remembering when you had tried to cross the thin line between love and hate for him. Spencer’s eyes were soft and adoring, a look which he had a tendency to give you. So you held tighter. And he did nothing, knowing you wouldn’t go far but willing to die in your hands if you truly wanted to.

“I don’t know if you deserve this anymore,” Your lips ghosted over his, reprimanding him that he’d forgotten that this had began in a game of adultery.

“I don’t.” Spencer’s voice came out as if he was parched and you had been refusing him of a drink. Your hands released his neck and instead grabbed at his jaw, allowing his lips to mend together with yours, unable to speak back.

“If I loved you any less, I’d be able to talk about it more.” He pulled away just enough to whisper those words.

“You love me?” You questioned, a bit timid in the way it came out.

“It’s more than that. I adore you. Worship, even.”

You felt yourself moving the both of you into your apartment, swapping the publicity of the hallway for the privacy closely afforded to you. Your bodies only got so far, pushing each other against the wall next to the enterence, Spencer’s hands helping to arch your body into his, hands pressing down the curve of your back.

You enjoyed feeling him subtly grind his hips against you while he let out little whimpers, remembering the way he was so vocal and sensitive, yet dominant when he laid between your legs. You drew in a quick breath as he bit down on your bottom lip hard enough to draw the red liquid that ran through your body, conflicted as to why it only drew you closer, want intensified.

“I missed you so much,” Spencer’s voice ghosted in the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking along your throat and collarbones, pushing the palm of his hand harshly against your damp cotton underwear, drawing a shiver from you. “Are lilacs still favorite flowers?”

His fingers played along your slit, the pads of his thumb pressing on your clit and rotating above the fabric, watching your hips jerk from the subtle pleasure.

“I think you missed me too,” Spencer held you, switching places so you now were encased between him and the wall, knowing that soon enough your knees wouldn’t be able to hold you up. His index and middle finger filled you up in a way only he could, the tips of them curving in his direction as he hit the bumpy ridge inside of you.

You held his shoulder, uncaring that your nails dug into the expensive button up he wore, admiring that he always preferred quality over quantity. Your face contorted in pleasure as his fingers only pumped faster inside of your vagina, only smirking at the sorry attempt of a nod you gave to answer him because he had rendered you speechless.

You felt the climb of your orgasm rise in your stomach, reaching all the way to the rest of your limbs, making them feel as if they were just static attached to your body until his fingers ceased, sensing how you clenched around them desperately. Your mouth opened, protests ready to fall out while he grasped the back of your knees, signaling you to jump so he could carry you to your bedroom.

“Why are you always such a tease?” You groaned, endearingly grabbing the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I can’t just let your greedy pussy swallow my fingers and cum from just that...” he tosses you into your sheets gently, leaning down to take your top off and throwing it somewhere to be rediscovered again.

He watches silently as you lift your hips off the mattress, panties sliding down your calves to your ankles, and finally off. Spencer gazes down at you, your jaw in his two hands, staring up with puppy eyes. He let a line of swears spring from his mouth, wondering why you looked so innocent when your hands were planted on his hips, licking the precum that made a wet patch on the side of his pants.

“Quite unfair that I’m the only one with my clothes off, don’t you think?” Your hands settled on his belt buckle, the jingle of metal filling the room as you undid the button to his slacks as well. Tugging him by the band of his boxers to lay on the bed with you, Spencer caught the cue and laid against the headboard. He trailed his left hand along your thighs, lifting you to straddle him as his right latched onto your breasts, squeezing.

“Please sit,” He said, taking a nipple into his mouth, “On my face.”

You sat in a slightly worried daze, Spencer catching the clue to just move you into the position. You found yourself facing the mirror at the foot of your bed, your ass in his face as he grabbed at your hips, trying to bring you higher and get a taste.

“Are you sure?” You apprehensively twisted your torso to eye him, taking note that the two of you had came across something you’d quite done before.

“Yes, I need you to.” Spencer reached his arm around, gently rubbing your clit, and feeling how your whole body relaxed from above him, as he repeated affirmations against your back.

You watched from the mirror, your ass propped up in his face and lips swollen. You could even see when you began the swivel of your hips into him. He didn’t need to say much else before you arched your back, planting your pussy right above his lips.

“You’re so pretty.” He whispered, before running his tongue flatly against your pussy.

Your hips jerked back and fourth, riding on the surface of his tongue that enveloped your clit, sucking on it harshly until he flatly ran it up. His fingers were back at work, touching the places where his tongue couldn’t reach. You determined that this position was now one of your favorites, your hands that were once placed on the tops of his thighs reaching for the bludge in his boxers.

You tried pulling them just far enough so you could begin to run your hands up and down his cock. Spencer’s tongue only assaulted your clit harder when you leaned down, allowing him a new angle so you could push him into your mouth, collecting the precum that had spilt, humming in delight.

Spencer couldn’t stop the thrusting of his hips upwards, burying himself deeper down your throat, both of your moans viberating off the atoms in your room. Your eyes wandered up as you watched, hypnotized at the reflection of you two. It made you wanna take his dick deeper, taking him to the back of your throat as you felt his cum ripple out.

Your orgasm only took a few more seconds to follow his, your moan muffled from your jaw expanded around his cock. Your hasty breaths harbored his while you saw stars. You were casted out of your stupor when you felt the palm of his hand rub circles into your ass, hand coming down in a smack.

“This fucking pussy has me whipped.” Spencer sighed, pressing a kiss exactly where his hand last struck.

When you positioned yourself back across his abdomen, you kneeled, kissing him. You felt him twitch under you from tasting himself on your tongue, reaching down to line up his cock to enter you.

Spencer stared up at you, his eyes wide as he took in the sight of you slowly descending your pussy on his cock. His hands traced the hickies that dawned on your chest, then to his on his lower stomach, watching how the two of you connected. These were marks of possession— ones that he could finally show off.

You rolled your hips against his, slowly circling them and allowing him to hit the most sensitive parts of you. You felt so much fuller than usual, the feeling taking your breath away. Nobody else could reach those heights that Spencer gave you. Maybe it was also because nobody else could occupy your mind like he could, either.

He pulled you down so the two of you could reunite your lips, wearing away at the callouses that had formed around your heart. His thumb drew slow circles on your clit, pulling your orgasm out so you could cum above him. It took a few more thrusts before he came inside you, continuing to fuck his seed back into you from below for just a while longer. When Spencer’s hips stilled, he kept inside, basking in the embodiment of you that wholly consumed him.

He silently traced the outlines of your features, your eye lids fluttering as he reached to them. His fingernails scratched your scalp im a rythem that lulled you into hazy exhaustion. You feel his stare on your face as it occurs to him that he was doomed from the start. You were a wonder to behold.

“Spencer?”

“Yes?”

“Did you forget all of the things I remember?”

“I don’t think I could even if I tried.”

masterlist

[tainted-wine]

Oh wow first of all please let me congratulate you on your skill and good taste. I absolutely adore all of your hawks writing. It's so good and also hilarious when you want it to be. I especially love how annoyed he seems to get with song birds, and that low-key makes me wonder how he would be with a reader w a songbird quirk. Like he wants to find her annoying so badly, and in some ways he does? But at the same time he knows they have a lot of shared experiences as ppl with bird mutation quirks and that's kind of nice for him? To have someone to share that with, you know? Idk.

You're super sweet, anon. ♥

(This turned into a messy ficlet thing)

I don't know why I decided to make Hawks a songbird hater; it’s just a headcanon I decided to stay consistent with for whatever reason.

I've actually gotten similar asks like this and I'm currently hoarding them all in the hopes of one day making something out of it, because I love this idea very much. Hawks views songbirds as obnoxious hopeless romantics. Do they really need to be that loud about their love? It's like having the top 100 love songs playing all at once.

He already admitted that you were pretty cute when you both first met. Your wings were smaller and required frequent and rapid flaps, the opposite of his large and soaring pair. Very cute, along with your shyness in approaching a bird of prey such as him, but he promises that he doesn't bite. Then your singing began...

It’s instinctual, you say. Once your fondness for him grew strong enough, the urge to vocalize your love in the form of a song specially made for him became impossible to fight. He’ll predictably tease you at first. Creating a melody straight from your heart, the sound of your voice perfectly simulating the strength of your bond, giving other listeners a mere taste of a relationship they could not have. It’s corny, it’s sappy...

It’s so freakin’ sweet.

He blamed your quirk at first. It had to be some secondary ability that attracted whoever you decided to sing about, like some bewitching siren. It’s a dumb accusation; he trusts that you’d never manipulate him like that. It may even ignite a petty argument or two, but in the end, Hawks will accept it. He loves your song.

As wonderful as it is to just listen, he feels that he needs to reciprocate, but what is he gonna do? Sing back?? He doesn’t know how to do that. His instincts were telling him to show his appreciation in another way. 

It’s instinctual, he says. He expresses the joy he feels around you by performing an amazing aerobatics show. It’s quite nerve-wracking at first. So many daring maneuvers — twirls, turns, dives, and flips — all just to impress you. And he has the gall to call songbird traditions excessive? So many of these moves could have killed him if he didn’t time them just right! It’s so dangerous, so reckless...

So spectacular.

As exciting as it was for the two of you to flaunt your natural skills, both of your rituals felt incomplete. You wanted Hawks to sing back. Hawks wanted you to dance beside him in the sky. One discussion later, you both decide on...a cultural exchange of sorts.

You want Hawks to sing? You want him to sing? Even after he promises you that his voice sounds more unsettling than the screeching of violins in a horror movie? Fine. You even protest when he mentions practicing. “Just sing from your heart,” you say. Ugh, whatever. He warned you.

At the crack of dawn, Hawks does everything as instructed. He joins your side at the top of the Fukuoka tower, and sings his heart out. He sounds terrible, he’s certain of it, but he ignores his blush of embarrassment and keeps going, letting his passion guide him like you told him. 

His song is everything you could’ve asked for. His voice was shrill, unsteady, and had absolutely zero technique. But it was so...him. So Keigo Takami. The melody carries his courage and compassion. His tone reveals uncertainty in his singing, but it also reveals the raw confidence in his love and devotion. It leaves your heart melting, and before you knew it, you were joining him in a duet, trying your best to harmonize with his...erm...unique vocals. The song went on as the sun rose, prompting several noise complaints about a ‘dying bird that needs to be put out of its damn misery already.’

You give the flustered hawk a hug and kiss for that beautiful masterpiece. You also make sure he doesn’t see those complaints. He already feels awkward enough about his performance.

Alright, now it’s your turn to feel anxious. Very anxious. As Hawks led you to the seaside park, he reminded you once again that he doesn’t expect you to pull off any expert moves in the air. “If you’re really not sure what to do, then just follow my lead. I won’t do anything crazy up there. This is about trust.”

You trust that he’ll save you if anything goes wrong, whether it be during the warm-up or during the....oof, you shudder just thinking about it.

The first act has you taking off over the water, warming up your wings before your own little stunt show begins. Knowing your body’s limits, you focus on flight patterns and speed, pushing your flying abilities further than you ever have before. It doesn’t even compare to Hawks’s amazing moves — you were too scared to even attempt any of those flips — but at least you pulled off a couple spins, and Hawks looks captivated while watching from below.

You tried not to look out of breath already when it was time for act two. Hawks took flight, passing you and heading upwards. You followed, mirroring every single one of his little tricks (he thankfully kept his promise of not doing anything crazy) as you both flew higher and higher until the air became uncomfortably thin. You’ve never been this high up before.

Reaching the desired altitude, Hawks took your hands and locked them in his, bringing you in close. He gives you a few light pecks while praising your skills. “I’ve never seen you zip around like that. Such a quick and clever little bird.” The flattery almost distracts you from the final act, the part you’ve been dreading the most.

The very idea of the Death Spiral still sounds utterly insane, even as you’re about to attempt it yourself.

All you do is hover and hold each other for a minute or two, then Hawks gives the unspoken cue. His wings fold in, you quickly follow suit, and you’re both plummeting down headfirst toward the water. You did end up screaming halfway down, but at least you were still able to remain fairly focused until the end. You were just a few meters away from impact when you and Hawks simultaneously released your grip, just barely righting yourself before you could make an embarrassing splash.

Hawks tackles you hard into the ground the second you’ve recovered, hugging you tightly and attacking with rapid fire kisses. 

“You did it, baby!” Kiss. “That was so intense!” Kiss. “I never thought I’d find someone to do the Spiral with!” Smooch. “You’re so brave. Thank you for trusting me!” Mwah. 

You’re shaking too violently and need to go find a bathroom immediately.

---

And that’s how you and Hawks became mates and learned to better respect each other’s bird traditions. Hawks now owns a songbird calender that hangs in his bedroom.

[jonspurpleskirt]

Sharing Comfort

A/N: This is for @archivalpride. Prompt was “Sharing Clothes” and “Pre-Canon” so I wrote a fluffy piece to celebrate the quiet moments of trust. 1.7k in word length. No warnings apply.

___

Jon did not make friends fast. Most people he found to be too intimidating, boring or exhausting and not many knew what to do with his sudden info dumps and sharp comments that shot out of his mouth seemingly at random.

He'd been alone in Research for a long while because of it and happily so. Things had changed when Tim had joined the Institute, though. Tim had come into the library and sat down opposite Jon with a thunder cloud hanging over his head and pain in his dark eyes. He'd been quiet and snappy in a fake cheerful way that screamed undealt trauma. At least to Jon, who seemed to be the only one to feel the vibes of "Leave me alone" and "I'm grieving" that Tim gave off in a constant stream.

Having Tim as his desk partner was an intense experience despite the way they only ever nodded to each other in greeting at first. But it was also intriguing. A mystery. Jon loved mysteries.

The instances he had ever willingly initiated a conversation with a stranger could be counted on one hand. Which marked the day he tapped Tims shoulder - after roughly two months of co-habiting - to tactfully ask him what he was groaning about as a very special day indeed. They steamrolled into friendship from there, both personalities clashing in the best ways possible.

Jon pulled Tim into nerve wracking research expeditions, Tim flirted them out of being arrested a few times, they went out for drinks and karaoke and movies and stayed late nights to crack nutty cases of supernatural bullshit together.

This went on for months. A nice, comfortable new routine. Jon wasn't alone anymore. And Tim broke out of whatever had pulled him down so much, becoming more cheerful and flirty by the day. Which didn't matter to Jon because Tim would always come to him the most, would always seek out to partner up with Jon and would defend his prickly personality to his dying breath.

And then Sasha joined them. She came from Artefact Storage, which made her a prime target for every curious researcher in a five mile radius. Tim and Jon included. Alright maybe they were the worst of the bunch.

Although Jon only thought of himself as a partner in crime in this one. He had been dragged along by Tim, after all. Sure in the end he had been the one to ask the most questions, but that wouldn't have been the case if he had just been left alone to be antisocial in front of his laptop.

Sasha and Tim, much to Jons chargin, hit it off within the first few seconds. And ever since then their cozy two-someness had turned into a group effort. With specially leverage put on the word "effort".

"Morning Jon!"

Jon let out a deep, rumbly hum, voice not up to the task of supporting words this late in the- He glanced at the little clock at the bottom of his screen. Ah... early in the morning.

With a laugh that was far too cheerful however you would describe the current hour, Sasha sat down next to him. She leaned in to look at what he was working. He leaned away to get her out of his personal bubble.

Her legs brushed his and the rustling drew his gaze downward. She wore a thick wool skirt, long enough not to go against the dress code. It was a somewhat dull navy blue and fell down in enticing waves around her crossed legs.

It looked very soft and comfortable. Jon itched to touch it. Instead he rubbed against the stiff fabric of his own cream coloured dress pants.

"Would you mind?" He snapped at her.

"No. You spelled 'aboriginal' wrong."

"Thank you for your insight. Don't you have anywhere else to be?"

"Don't you?" She shot back, light and quick as though they were just bantering and not fighting over the right to sit at this table.

Sasha huffed at his glare and slid a cup of something steaming over to him. "You keep staying so late that I can buy you a drink at the asscrack of dawn and be sure you're still here to consume it hot. I'm not usually one to judge anyone's sleep schedule. But I'm judging your sleep schedule."

"And yours is any better?" Jon muttered, taking the offering and peeking inside. Black tea with a bit of cream and hopefully enough sugar to rot his teeth out of his mouth. He needed both the coffein and the sweet energy source.

"I'm getting at least two more hours of sleep than you do on a daily basis, so I'm good."

"Tim would have both of our heads if he knew."

Sasha put her hand on the table and stretched out her pinky. "I swear secrecy if you do."

With a snort Jon linked their pinkies. "I'll hold you to that."

So... Maybe Sasha wasn't that bad. She was a little aggressive in her befriending techniques, Jon mused. At least he hoped the early morning chats and cups of tea and coffee were that and not an elaborate plan to get rid of him via slow poisoning. But she was about as curious as Tim and Jon and her skills with computers were very happily exploited by the both of them. So Jon eventually had to admit that she was actually a very nice addition to the group.

Not that he could have ever said no to their friendship. Tim and Sasha put together were a maelstorm of affection, sucking Jon in with a force he had no chance to defend against. And before he knew it they had successfully gotten him accostumed to friday nights at the pub and saturday mornings in their flats, smashed together on a couch or a bed or a mattress depending on who had had the misfortune of playing host that week.

Jon hadn't been this comfortable since Georgie. And that wasn't only the booze talking. It was one of those nights where they ended up leaving the pub early to lounge around Sashas massive sofa instead. Jons head was swimming within a blissful haze of tipsiness.

He was slouching over one end of the couch, head tilted just so that he could watch his two friends bicker. The words didn't really register, but the noise was nice and their expressions were funny.

Without his conscious saying so, his gaze slid down to Sashas leg area. She wore a very eye catching, fluttery red skirt this time around and the way the warm glow of the ceiling lamp was reflected in the material was mesmerizing.

"Oh Jonny boy, don't you know staring like that is rude?" Tim half-joked as he noticed.

Sasha slapped him on the shoulder. "Shush you there's like zero sexual longing in his gaze, Tim. You don't need to go all protective big brother on me. He just really likes my skirts."

"They look comfy." Jon muttered, sinking deeper into the couch.

"Awww. Jon. Jon my love. My friend. My buddy." Tim scooted over to him, nearly face planting on the floor in his eagerness to slide into Jons side. "Is this jealousy I hear?"

"No. Did you just degrade me from lover to lowest friendship tier?"

"Oh I beg to differ." Tim sang, ignoring the question and making Jon scowl harder.

An arm got thrown over his shoulder and Jon was tugged into Tims side, relaxing into the tight hold against his will.

"You know if you didn't make it a sport to buy the most uncomfortable clothing ever, you wouldn't need to glare at Sashas fashion choices all the time. Making other people think things about your intensions."

"Fuck other people."

Jon waited until the surprised laughter of his two friends ebbed down to speak again. "I wanna be comfortable too..."

"Say no more. Sasha to the rescue."

Tim and Jon both whined as she hopped off and darted away into her bedroom. She hadn't been part of the cuddle pile, but her presence was still dearly missed. Thankfully not for long because a few minutes later she reappeared with a long, purple skirt.

"Here you go mister. Go on try it on."

Trading places with her Jon didn't hesitate to shug his trousers off and slip the skirt on. Tim wolf whistled behind him and Jon dutifully showed him a finger. The yelp he heard shortly after told him that Sasha must have taken more direct approach to disciplining Tim.

"Bad boy. I picked that colour for a reason."

Jon flushed at the reminder that Tim and Sasha knew. That they knew and accepted him and even went out of their way to make him comfortable.

"I may not be allowed to touch, but I can still appreciate beauty when I see it."

"Do you need glasses, Tim?" Jon couldn't help but ask while he settled back down.

It was his turn to be slapped on the shoulder. "Nu-uh! No self depricating jokes in my household!"

"Yes ma'am." He scooted over to Sashas side, marveling at the slide of the soft material against his legs. "Anyway. Touching yes. But no sex, only cuddles."

Sasha laughed in delight as she pulled him closer so he could stretch out, the two of them nearly shoving Tim off the couch.

"Wait, wait, wait Jon you're definitely not comfortable yet!"

"Hm?" He frowned at the renewed shifting, jeez everyone was being so squirmy today.

"Dress shirt? Really? Wait a sec."

Tim ended up finding a truly attrocious night shirt he had stored in one of Sashas cupboards. It was rainbow coloured, but at least it was made of a soft cotton and about a size too big on Jon.

"Awww Jon you're adorable!"

"Timothy Stoker don't you dare take a photo."

"Fine, fine. But I will remember this day forever."

It turned out that he didn't need to. The next time they were over at Sashas Jon asked to borrow their clothes again and the next time after, and the next time after that, too. It kind of escalated from there, clothes mixed together until it was hard to remember who owned what.

And that was perfect. Because the most comfortable clothes were always the ones that belonged to his friends.

[all-pacas]

For the ask game: your opinion on the many crimes of Ted Faro! (I personally have never felt such rage at a video game as I did at the end of HZD when I found out what he did to Apollo 😡)

objectively he is the worst person ever but i don’t know. something about him has always been so funny to me? he’s the biggest villain in this series, literally everything is his fault, except instead of being treated remotely seriously ted is just… a joke. he’s bumbling. he’s pathetic. everyone hates him, no one wants to talk to him, and it’s not even like how aloy hates sylens for being a fucking asshole — no, ted is just annoying.

before FW came out i was joking it was likely we’d see his bunker because that had been pretty strongly hinted in the first game — we never saw his body — and was talking with some friends about how that might possibly go. because there was simply no way you could play that as scary or sinister. there was no possibility for dark reveals or plot twists, because ted wasn’t smart enough for that. i actually did call they’d need OMEGA override (which i’m pretty proud of!), but when we were talking i joked that immortal ted would just… be there, somehow. he cryogenically froze himself or something. and how funny that would be, because it would not be scary. it would not be a threat. ted could threaten to nuke the world and no one would take him seriously.

and so when we did go to Thebes i just about lost my mind, because. yes. this is exactly it. they played the whole thing for comedy and i love them for it: ceo naming himself chief operating officer and just being a parody of ted. the cosplay. aloy in cosplay. the STATUE. the reveal of blob ted, who we don’t even get to SEE. ceo being killed by statue ted’s head. i was cackling the entire time. because you just can’t take ted seriously as a threat. he is ultimately pathetic.

(i bet he would have desperately wanted to join far zenith. i bet there is no chance they would ever have let him join their club.)

and of course this is a game series that can basically be subtitled at this point with “the evils of capitalism.” ted is one flavor: the techbro who thinks he’s a visionary, who has a god complex, who wants desperately to be adored for his gifts and talents and can’t fathom himself as anything but good. in a way, despite all he’s done, that makes him more sympathetic to me than the zeniths: he’s pathetic and desperate and trying to cover his own ass and telling himself he’ll be alive in the future to teach “lis’s kids” and do good, because he’s a good person!

ted strikes me as the sort of person who sincerely and unironically believes in meritocracy and bootstraps. he thinks of himself as a nice person. a lot of his identity is wrapped up in thinking of himself as a good person, in fact, to the point where he murders the Alphas and destroys APOLLO to try and maintain that illusion of himself.

the zeniths by contrast are the other kinds of capitalists: they don’t see people as people. the world is zero sum and they are going to win it. the NEMESIS reveal made perfect sense to me after some thought: not the mechanics of it exactly, but because their actions never made sense to me. aloy speculated they wanted to raze the earth and start over, but they weren’t exactly building armies or taking direct action or doing much besides gathering up GAIA. instead, their crime was far worse by the merits of this series: apathy. to not care, to not take action, to not be proactive. (elisabet was a hero not just for zero dawn but for spending her life helping climate change and scrubbing nuclear fallout and purifying water.) they just wanted GAIA so they could leave and save themselves. if NEMESIS restarts the FARO plague and wipes out earth? who cares. if earth without GAIA falls apart? not their problem. they’re the elites. they’re successful. ted could be talked into funding and helping with zero dawn. tilda who was brilliant and wealthy and connected could not.

the zeniths, it is clear, could have helped zero dawn. a lot. they had brilliant people with them, scientific expertise, top scientists and theorists. instead, they laughed when handing patrick what they considered “obsolete” embryonic chambers. they argued with elisabet that she owed them APOLLO even after they tried to steal GAIA, because didn’t they deserve it? the zeniths are selfish to the point that they can’t even concieve of allowing their children to inherit their wealth: no, they have to be immortal. they are deserving because they are the best. invading earth is too much work and effort for them: they’re just going to strip mine and let whatever happens happen. they are literally the only ones that matter.

(and tilda comes off better but is ultimately the same. she dumped beta when beta was insufficiently elisabet enough, set about trying to collect aloy instead, and ultimately was just as unable to concieve of helping as her friends were — she despised the zeniths for their laziness and selfishness and lack of culture, without identifying that she was much the same. she thought she was Better. not just better than everyone on earth, but better than these elites too. she deserves more. she deserves her own planet. her own elisabet. her art.)

( so, anyway. ted is the worst. but ultimately he’s the worst in a human way, he could be “handled” and forced to do some good, and so that makes him much better than the zeniths ever were. and that is not saying much. )

also blob ted is still the funniest thing that has ever happened ever.