#I am itching to make a game engine

[zoeythebee]

Oh boy im learning how to make a programming language

[ruvviks]

having an idea for a game but it's miles above your skill level

[loulooser]

Here’s some things about me!

My name is Lou online

I’m a MINOR. A MINOR. STOP BEING WEIRD TO ME.

I’m agender probably

My favourite colour is green

I really like music, drawing little guys, cooking, talking, trans people, watching movies, making friends, wearing clothes, playing games, Spider-Man, being gay etc

I really DISLIKE disruption to routine, super loud people, drum and bass, hypocrites, knowing I’ll die some day, being lonely, socks (no fr I hate hate HATE socks so much), doomed siblings trope (for fucks sake give me a break), John Walker, etc etc

My favourite band is twenty one pilots I am normal about them I SWEAR anyways going on six/seven years of fanhood (since 2018)

I’m a huge Marvel nerd

My top five marvel characters in no particular order:

Phillip J. Coulson (actually my all time fav), Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Loki Laufeyson, Spider-Man (not including spider verse people, that’s a different tier list, but Andrew is the best of the three spider men and Yuri Lowenthal is my fav spidey ever anyway.)

Some of my fav books/series: Gone (Micheal Grant), Itch (Simon Mayo), all of Alice Oseman’s stuff, AGGGTM (Holly Jackson), The Angel Of The Crows (Katherine Addison), all of Darren Shan’s stuff, Skullduggery Pleasant, Ketchup Clouds (Annabelle Pitcher) etc etc also I really like comics (spidey and also Kate bishop’s specifically) (I’m not rich enough to read loads)

My favourite movie is fantastic mr fox

I really like Diggers (the machines)

Favourite animal is rabbits I want one so bad I will name him Peter

My favourite show is Agents Of Shield

I cry a lot (at everything, it sucks and I hate it)

I love love love Les Mis. Watched it in London in October 2024 and I will never recover. Stewart Clarke the Javert that you are <3

I LIKE SONIC!!! I REALLY LIKE SONIC. SHADOW AND SILVER ARE MY TOP TWO.

I’m blessed to be one eighth of the coconut shark gang :0

I would like to own two cats and my own small apartment one day, a cheetah esc print kitty called Jason (Statham) and a black cat called Liho. Both are references and if you get either PLEASE send me an ask saying so ily

I have what can be described as misophonia, but even if I’m not diagnosed please for the love of god don’t make any noises around me I DO bite.

Big fan of fictional old men from the 1800s. Shoutout to them.

I like Nintendo a lot!! Zelda and Animal Crossing my beloved. The 2DS is my favourite console ever (not the stupid 2DSXL)

I really like musicals!! Some honourable mentions: Les Mis, Hamilton, EPIC, Wicked, Six, Heathers (some of it, haven’t seen the whole thing yet), In The Heights, Rogers the musical (SHHH SHH ITS FUNNY), School Of Rock, Hadestown.

I’m a nerd about many things

Im gonna be a software engineer one day

Please send me asks!! My dms are always open for rants or a chat

Navigation:

TAGS FOR POSTS:

#**the reblogger - reblogs

#**the religious text - original posts

#**musical Lou - lyrics/yapping about music

#**lou being gay - me talking about my partner :3 (not active, we broke up actually)

#**lavish bros - tøp posts

#**my FRIENDS - me and my friends

#**marvellous tomfoolery - marvel

#**apple juice flood - fantastic mr fox

#**the wet cat musical - les mis posts

#**silly magic show - arcane

#**epic - epic the musical

#**gay hedgehogs - sonic fandom

#**agents of nothing - agents of shield (beware)

#**hermits - hermitcraft, life series OR anything to do with any member of hermitcraft

#**misc fandom - fandoms I’m in BUT I don’t post about enough to get their own tags

TAGS FOR PEOPLE:

- #shreypilled sheepmaxxer -> @shreysheep

- #dizzy my beloved -> @1nv1s1bl3-r41ndr0p5

- #the11thpeanut -> @nimbvx1015

- #snail enthusiast -> @dewey-1s-my-sp1r1t-an1mal

- #heebling my beeb rn -> @heeblybeebly

- #L being cool -> @quakeismyhero

- #conversing with angels -> @the-angel-academic

- #the nanner -> @bananapudding752

- #fetti party -> @toms-pink-confetti39x

- #goob -> @eats-hummus-cutely

- #red! -> @redwidow616

- #the luteinizer -> @sojirai

- #lieutenant hormone -> @kaoxin

- #chaos control! -> @chaos-pilots-control

- #baller -> @booberrybawls-deactivated202504 (this tag is for archive purposes)

(Note - any posts about a certain character will be tagged as {character} and ships will be {ship} (e.g. {Coulson} or {Fitzsimmons})

COOL POSTS:

Disproving TERFs with biology

Wizard maze.

Shoe lacing patterns that help pains

Reaction templates

Cool art links

Lou’s collection of writing tips/posts

My cat:

Her name was April and she was very cute.

[kroovv]

previous anon here: dorian's predatory business practices are a lot like wattpad's if you know anything about that—they pocket a huge portion of the proceeds for every VN they publish and only give very few pennies to the actual authors, essentially using other people's work to line their own pockets, while pretending to provide a great platform for artists. Last I heard they also have terms that say whatever you upload to them becomes their property IP. it's the kind of situation where they convince artists its the easiest option for publishing a VN, when in reality there are other ways that are just as or even more simple that allow u to keep full ownership of ur work. I also have a grudge against them specifically because they bought up an indie VN studio that I was a fan of, put previously free stuff behind a paywall and otherwise ran it into the ground, and their social media people were very unprofessional and sent threatening messages to fans for making fan content.

Renpy takes some learning, but it's really simple once you know how it works. And besides renpy there are other VN engines that are even simpler (Unity even has a VN library called Fungus thats very simple and straightforward to use) TyranoBuilder is also a popular one. As for chapters, there are absolutely people on itchio updating their VNs a chapter at a time, although i dont know if its in the way youd want; pushing each separate chapters as updates to the main game, or releasing each chapter as a separate game come to mind as options.

(i'd honestly even offer to convert the game to renpy for you since ive been working extensively with renpy for the past 2 years and am very familiar with it and how to work it, if it meant i could save one artist from the clutches of dorian, but that feels too much like overstepping 😅)

So i am not sure if maybe they have changed things, but with games self published to them they own 0% of that IP so I will own Gravehearts 100% only if they where to buy it from me then they’d own it but i personally do not see that happening lmao. From what i understand about it is it is like Webtoons but for VNs anyone can upload to it but they still own it like how i still own Horizon Walkers even though it’s on Webtoons and Tapas. They do take a % of what you make so that is why I would love to also have my own app or game on itch as well!

I have a decent following for my artwork but who knows what that vendiagram is for people who like VNs is, so if i where to publish the game somewhere by itself i don’t know how well it would do because I don’t know if i have the audience for it, also i don’t know if people would even see it when i post about it cause social media sucks. So like posting HW to webtoons so that people who read comics might see it that’s what I am kind of hoping for with posting Gravehearts to Dorian.

Again with Gravehearts i own it 100%, with publishing games there you can chose when and where people pay for things, and people do paywall love interests and main story stuff but i fully do not intend to do that because I don't want to do that. So I will not be putting any main story or love interests behind paywalls the only thing I would do as paid stuff are optional scenes with a character where you can get a nice full art piece of them from it! (Im also trying to figure out if i could put some kind of code on the image so people can download high res versions of it as phone wallpapers! So you’re actually paying for something more tangible)

However like i said previously i would love to make my own app for it, or something like an app or on itch, but i could maybe try do it in tangent with Dorian, so people who don’t want to support them can still support the story somewhere else! But it might take a little while for me to be able to do something like that because it’d be learning a whole bunch of new stuff and it is just me but I will do my best 👍

[mushgloomz]

get to know your mutuals

my little love @valevntine - how did you know my fav thing to do is to yap about myself?🫦 ty for the tag my darling

What's the origin of your blog title?

pahaha, okay so basically several years ago my best friend @aurelliastar was like ‘bitch, i wish tumblr was still a thing bc i’ve just thought of the cuntiest username’ and mushgloomz was born

OTP(s) + shipname:

omg i haven’t properly shipped people in YEARS. i mean dellie (ellie and dina) are obvs up there, but i spend too long shipping characters with actual people that i don’t have much else to offer😭

feel free to ship me with javi gutiérrez…

Favourite colour:

green all the way - i just adore it <3 my fav metallic colour is gold though (can we guess that i was a loki girly during my marvel phase?)

Favourite game:

i wish i was a gamer girl but i’m SHIT at playing everything loool

would have to say undertale tbh, just so much fun and you already know i played that shit multiple times to see all the different endings

Song stuck in your head:

currently, it’s Love Is A Stranger by Eurhythmics bc it scratches an itch in my brain i can’t explain it

Weirdest habit/trait:

i’m generally a massive freakazoid so there’s probably plenty, but i’d say my chronic use of adlibs in regular conversations tbh

Hobbies:

unfortunately i’m really fucking uninteresting!! reading, writing and photography are as close to hobbies as i get honestly 😪

If you work, what's your profession?

i’m a full-time office administrator for a fire and security company in london - basically just sit there and argue with engineers all day <3

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be?

if i could have literally ANY job? i’d do acting or private interior design - yet again, my hopes and dreams have been squandered by societal and familial expectations so i will never be fulfilled in that sense 🤩

Something you're good at:

literally… nothing? like i give great head but i feel like this is asking if i have actual talents loool

Something you're bad at:

time management is honestly the worst of them for me. i’m so fucking easily distracted it’s painful

Something you love:

dancing - not well, but just dancing however i want to. makes me feel good 🕺

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff:

anything psychology related or sex related (a lot of the time that shit overlaps and i get REALLY invested)

fun fact, i actually did a dedicated unit during my BSc on the psychology of sex and sexuality; so fucking fascinating

Something you hate:

my best friend always jokes that my main hobby is ‘critical analysis and being a hater’ and lowkey she’s right LOOL

for example, i hate being hungover, yet here i am for the second time in 48 hours with a hangover <3

Something you collect:

oh the autism is gonna jump OUT

i collect loads of random shit - jellycat frogs, crystals, earrings, scarves… if i like something, i have to have an excessive number of them

Something you forget:

MY FUCJING WIPS

What's your love language?

giving - words of affirmation

receiving - physical touch or acts of service

Favourite movie/show:

movie is always going to be labyrinth (i will shout this shit from the rooftops, it’s amazing)

I don’t really find myself interested in TV all that often (unless pedro is in it lool); naturally TLOU is a current fav, but I’ve also loved the crown, killing eve and black mirror 💅🏻

Favourite food:

okay so hear me out: carbonara

BUT

specifically the shitty supermarket jar version of the sauce😭

Favourite animal:

frogs (i’m bisexual and autistic be so fr)

What were you like as a child?

incredibly anxiously attached to my mum and MAJORLY traumatised (also see: me right now)

Favourite subject at school?

geography (spoiler alert, it’s bc i wanted to bone my teacher)

actual favourite would be psychology or English language

Least favourite subject at school?

hmm… probably maths? not that i disliked it, just sucked ASS

What's your best character trait?

i’ve been told that i’m funny which lowkey yeah i am so i’ll claim that LOOL

What's your worst character trait?

i’m incredibly stubborn - like, would sooner die than compromise on a lot of things oops

If you could change any detail of your day right now, what would it be?

NOT BEING HUNGOVER AS FUCK <3

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet?

there are so many people i would love to meet (downside of loving 70s music tbh); hendrix, prince, bowie, freddie mercury… these fuckers changed my life

Recommend one of your favourite fanfics (spread the love!):

okay as soon as i saw this question i knew i had to say Hold Still by @almostfoxglove

only read it recently despite it being posted last august but it’s just fucking superbly written and really scratched an itch for me <3 (you can see me short circuiting over it with my reblog here)

if you made it this far, you’re hot🫦

npt bc i’m nosey <3: @ohhoneypascal @mandaloriankait @itsokbbygrlbutworsethistime @itwasntimethatdidit40 @stitch-away @alfiestreacle

[dyssebeiawashere]

Okay so, Metroid Prime II was actually my first Metroid game ever. (*My second Metroid game was Metroid Prime 1) Metroid Prime II getting a remaster treatment like 1 did would be so good, I don't even know how to put to words how much that would mean to me... Anyway! Yes, I was a HUGE fan of this game even back then. I had the MP3 Player skin (On my old Windows Box back when you could customize e v e r y t h i n g and games would make skins for your MP3 player window you could DL off of their website) It's a core moment for me developing my love for exploring dark science-fantasy settings as a whole and probably also my obsession with giant insects (They are the easiest monsters to make with limited polygons, you know...) The unlockable concept art in those games was also just a major wow-factor for me as you could see the moods and feelings they wanted to go for that existed within the imagination beyond what a limited game engine and time constraints could produce. Seriously people, the stuff concept artists come up with is just GORGEOUS and we all need to stop and look at the unfiltered passion inside of these projects before it gets reshaped into something more manageable for the rest of the development team. It's also one of those games that I can't stop thinking about in terms of whatever Aesthetic it had going for it. Something about that game more than Prime 1 was reminiscent of like... Myst or Riven. I wish I knew more genre terms for that stuff. Also the giant fluffy moth people, seriously they're just so good!!! Anyway, as far as trying to recreate this song in BeepBox: the SFX in any Metroid Prime game are near-legendary. I'd call my attempts to mimic them half-assed purely because I simply have no idea how to even start and I don't want to pretend I am an expert at this stuff, I just do this as a fun little hobby and I could only spend so much time tweaking drum settings before I go crazy and skip to the next part of the song that's itching my brain. I'm sure this COULD sound a lot better, but I'm still really happy with how this attempt came out here.

[hypersomniagame]

HYPERSOMNIA JANUARY DEV LOG : "LOG 1, WOOHOO!"

Hi! For all of you who follow HYPERSOMNIA, or are just stopping by, let me introduce you to this post to really set the tone.

For 2024, I am going to try to release a dev log about HYPERSOMNIA once a month, may come earlier, may come a little late, but I'm doing this to help give insight on to how the game is going, and to give me motivation to work on the game.

First things first, big news!

HYPERSOMNIA IS NOW AVAILABLE TO WISHLIST ON STEAM! (LINK)

After a while of back and forwarding with Valve, I've finally got a Steam page to call my own, and MAN is it bizarre seeing my weird little RPG in my Steam library. Like, that's my logo, and my key art, and screenshots of MY game, that's so weird. It doesn't feel real. BUT IT IS!

And, I would really really really really really appreciate it if you would consider wishlisting the game on Steam. It helps with the algorithm, and my happiness because I like seeing numbers go up, it feels good.

I even drew this as a announcement/commemoration for the page going live.

(P.S; if you couldn't tell, I really like Half-Life, it's one of my favorite game series.)

Secondly...

A new trailer is in the works! We were accepted for this year's MOTHER Direct (4th time baby, whoo!)

The trailer has been coming along well, I hope to show more battle oriented clips that I've missed the last few years, like special moves.

Can you believe I've never actually gotten to adding those in the game? I mean, they come set-up in default RPG Maker projects but I've never gotten around to revamping them until now, year 4 of engine work. Isn't that strange?

I also hope to improve on editing in the trailers. Whenever I finish a trailer I come back a few months later to notice minor points where I was kinda sloppy.

I'm not much of a video editor, (I only learned so I could edit trailers on my own) but I'd like to keep them at a good presentable quality. You gotta have standards with that kinda stuff, it's important!

OK, TIME FOR THE ACTUAL GAME STUFF. HERE WE GO.

Abilities are now implemented! And work! Wahoo!

In HYPERSOMNIA, players are able to switch abilities between party members. I find this a really interesting mechanic for how simple it seems, you get to choose who plays what role in your party. I think this is HUGE, and opens up a lot of unique scenarios for the game's encounters. I've had this planned for years, as far back as 2021 if I can recall, so it's super cool seeing it in game.

Mapping is being worked on!

I've also been working on mapping out more areas of the game! The forest part you hopefully saw in the last trailer is almost completely mapped. I've been working on the second part to it and am hoping to finish it sometime soon.

Mapping forests really suck. THOUGH, almost all the maps for the first chapter of the game are done! That's just another step closer to the demo. (Which, FYI, will be on Steam and Itch! ^^)

I've also been working on re-spriting older scenes!

This one's been really fun to do, I've been going back and redoing older stuff from the 2022 trailer, like this train! It's weird seeing it side by side, because you can definitely see where it's come from but at the same time, it looks so different.

(Also side note, these sprites are CRUSTY! EWWW!)

Lastly, Script and Music updates!

The script for HYPERSOMNIA's first act has been completed! with just 37 pages of just cutscene dialog alone! We're also currently working on wrapping up NPC dialog! Not much else to say.

And music is being worked on!

Music has been making some progress! I like to lay out demo's for areas I'm mapping out to help make both the music and scene come together. (Also, to help break up the eerie silence when playtesting...)

Speaking of music, FIREBALL, the games main battle theme, was recently delisted on our YouTube channel.

We did this because we decided we wanted to resample FIREBALL, and found that it's best to not have the song uploaded until a complete, final version is made. At least for the demo, it could possibly change before the final game but that's a bit too far in the future for me to think about fully.

Hey! Thanks for reading the whole dev log! Unless you just skipped to the end, you should probably go back up and read it. there's a steam page now. and some cool ross art at the top. you're missing out!

I hope this was like, readable to you all. I'm new to this whole dev log thing, so if you read it all the way through, let me know! It'd be cool!

I'd like to use this portion to pretty much just advertise Unique Indie RPG's.

Have you ever seen that strange purple square at the beginning of the 2nd and 3rd HYPERSOMNIA trailers?

Yeah, that! That's UNIQUE INDIE RPG's, which is a Discord community for you guessed it, Unique Indie RPG videogames developed by people like me! Or you! Or whoever! Who cares!

I help run it with some of my friends, and we all share cool stuff about our videogames! There's a ton of other SUPER cool RPG Maker games there like Astral Guard [LINK], or SOMEWHEN [LINK], or even MOMOinc [LINK]!

And of course, HYPERSOMNIA. It's a really laid back community, we're all super chill. Come swing by! We'd love to have ya, and SHOW US YOUR GAME!

[LINK TO DISCORD SERVER]

TWITTER

YOUTUBE

STEAM

UNIQUE INDIE RPG'S [SHOW US YOUR GAME!]

[PREV] [ABOUT HYPERSOMNIA] [NEXT]

[mercurygray]

Merc, could I get "enchanting" for either Marjorie Gordon/Gale Cleven, or Joan Warren/Gale Cleven? Thanks!

Kat, I am really math-ladying memeing over the thought of Joan and Gale being an Item, but Gale and Marj (my Marj, sorry actual Marge) is catnip.

So here it is. Assume, for the purposes of debate, that Marj and Joan and everyone else decided joining the Air Force was more exciting than joining the Airborne

He wished she could be outside.

The weather was fine, for December - one of those bright, cold blue days where there was clear visibility for miles and every single pilot in the camp was itching to get his hands back into the yoke of his plane. The camp was almost bearable, on those days where you wouldn't want to be up in the soup - but on days like this? Being ground-bound was agony.

Gale glanced back up at the sky, half-wishing for a wisp of cloud - or the glimpse of a plane. Not that he'd ever get one - at the first sound of engine noise the guards would give the order to have everyone out of the yards and back inside the barracks, fearful that whatever they saw overhead would give away more news of the war.

But for some, even the scant pleasures of the winter sunlight were far away.

Gale ducked back inside the room he shared with the others, making his way carefully around the table with his hands in his coat pockets so he could pull up a chair next to one of the bunks, and the woman lying there reading a book.

She looked up at the scrape of his boots in the door. "Hey you. What happened to enjoying the sunshine?"

"Was coming to see my best girl," Gale said with a brief smile, lowering himself down onto the nearest crate. "How's the leg?"

Marj shifted a little in the narrow bunk, her breathing hitching a little. The bunks here weren't made for tall men or women, and Bucky and Marj both found it challenging to keep themselves where they were allotted - especially with Marj's leg still in its cast. She'd broken it on her jump, and letting it sit and fester for nearly a week certainly hadn't helped matters. She'd arrived at Stalug Luft III on a stretcher and in the throes of a fever that should have killed her, and the doctor had only just recently let her out of the infirmary and back into the general compound. "Still hurts. They tell me it's set fine, and now it's just a matter of letting it heal." She tried to smile. "You'll have to tell Bucky I don't think I'm gonna be able to pitch the next game."

"He'll understand."

"Or you'll make him?" Marj suggested with a wry smile. "I know how you work, Gale Cleven."

She knows me too well, he thought to himself. "If anyone catches him complaining about it, John'll have me to answer to," Gale promised. "You're too important to lose, Marj Gordon." Too important to me, he almost said, words to put paid to the thing they didn't say aloud, the thing that had no name. What kind of man lets a woman do his fighting? All the papers at home were filled with talk like that. The kind who trusts her to win just as well as he can, he always wanted to say. But it was one thing to win, and another to take on a green co-pilot because good pilots were spread thin, and lose your fort in a flak field, and bail out over Germany, and break your leg, and end up in a camp. He should have fought harder to keep her in his plane. Maybe if he'd done that she wouldn't have -

He sniffled, trying to hide whatever blush might have come out in his cheek and pulled something out of his pocket. "Here, brought you something," he said, holding out the can of Spam. "Traded some spare socks for it."

Marj set her book aside and took the can with reverent hands. Food was gold here, and it was a holy day indeed when you had a whole can of something to call your own. She looked up at him with conflicted eyes, the both of them knowing full well the can hadn't been traded for a single spare pair of socks. "Buck."

"Not going have that leg heal right on soup," he replied, refusing to rise to the accusation in her voice. "And we ought to find you a - a pair of crutches or something. Need to get you out, moving around again."

"You're not gonna offer me your arm?" Marj asked with only slight provocation.

Gale steeled himself, hating how much he loved the idea. Marjorie Gordon, if I do that they'll know I'm in love with you, he thought silently to himself. And I can't let them have that.

[untamedeventuality]

June 2025

About a month ago, my publisher mentioned I should write dev logs. For publicity, y’know? I don’t know how to do that. I’m going to try anyways. I tried before, last year (and I think the year before?) — but I wasn’t very good at it. I was doing it in a weird style, on the blog I made for strange lantern productions, and it just didn’t feel right. I didn’t keep up with it, no one read them, so I just… stopped. Now I’m starting again, and I hope someone reads. I’ll post them on my personal Tumblr, and on my Itch, and we’ll see where this goes. This one’s going to be extra weird and retrospective-y because this month is a very special anniversary for me: it’s the two year anniversary of me becoming a game dev, for real.

I realized I wanted to make games in the spring of 2020, but it wasn’t until 2023 that I felt like I was allowed to call myself a game developer. I was a year out of college, working two jobs, and I played my first RPG maker game. I played the remaster of Ib, and I fell in love with it. Then I played Mad Father, and started watching video essays on the genre, and realized I could use RPG Maker. I could make games all by myself. I’d already been told I should by every industry professional I reached out to for advice after graduation. So I bought RPG Maker MV and went through all its tutorials, and then I realized I should really get RPG Maker MZ. It was a real rocky start, to stay the least. I spent all my disposable income on assets to play around with in the engine, I tried to make sprites of a fankid my friend and I had come up with. Then I lost my job. Because of government stuff. So, I had a lot of time on my hands. During May and June of 2023 I holed up in my apartment and made a game. It wasn’t very good. I was flying by the seat of my pants, learning what I could do with the engine, how to use plugins, and how to just… tell a story in a game. It was a mess. The Lighthouse wasn’t good, by my own standards, but it was mine. I’d made it. And, I could make it better. Over a decade of writing experience had taught me that all first drafts have to do is exist. To learn more, I entered a week long game jam and made another, shorter game called Terminated. This game was better, if only in an organizational sense. I learned a lot from making it! Now, I don’t think it was very good, but it was yet another first draft to be proud of. It existed, and could be made better. Of course, soon after this victory my life was put on hold. I got a new job, I moved to a different city and was living alone for the first time in my life. My longterm partner was in Ireland, making the (what I now realize was abusive) relationship long distance. What followed was the toughest year of my adult life. It’s not easy to live alone, hours away from family and friends. The one friend I had in the city was my life line, and I am still so grateful to her. Shout out to you, Hannah. You’re the realest and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. During this tumultuous time, I worked on revising The Lighthouse — now called Frey Nel — and figuring out what the story I was trying to tell was even about. On top of that, I was working to find a composer and an artist to work with, since my own skills in those artistic categories are… not the best. I actually found BibiXP on accident, as I originally commissioned her for some additional sprite work when my original guy disappeared from Etsy for a time. My original sprite guy, Larkison, brought Youfoundnico on board to take over for him. And eventually, I asked my brother Lyon to do the rest of the art — portraits/busts, CGs, promotional art. Which brings us to now. I’m no longer in an abusive relationship, I’m living with my friends, and I’m on the precipice of releasing DelirIAM, a stand alone prequel to Frey Nel and the final form of Terminated. As of now, I’m planning on releasing it on June 30th , but should my brother’s ADHD win it’ll be delayed to the 7th of July. After that, it’ll be full steam ahead on revamping Frey Nel’s demo in time for its crowdfunding campaign in August/September. Thanks for joining me on this journey, here’s to the next two years!

[gotxpenny]

Surviving Love || {ii/lvii}

Emilia McKenna was deemed to be a sweetheart in the eyes of others who met her, but in the eyes of John Brady she was an itch he couldn't scratch. The tension between them was palpable, yet, over time, as they saved each other's lives and saw past the tough exteriors, their respect for one another grew. And despite their initial hatred, an undeniable attraction simmered beneath the surface.

Paring: John Brady x Fem!Oc

Prompt: they hated how much they made the other felt

Word Count: ~3,900

Genre: Frienemies to lovers, SUPERRRR slow burn, mostly fluff but angsty towards the end

Setting: Bluie West One Airfield, South Greenland

Warnings: mentions injuries

Note || There aren't many Brady gifs so expect a lot of repeated gifs...Anyways I absolutely LOVE writing this trope, it's always so fun writing the arguments and bickering because I am just delusional and want it to happen to me irl. BUT I hope you like the second chapter...there is more to come. love les, xo

gotxpenny’s masterlist

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"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves." – A Coloured Mind

━━━━━━━━━━

| MAY 1943 |

AS the ambulances pulled away, the heavy engines rumbling over the snowy ground, Emilia took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. The biting cold of Greenland's unforgiving air gnawed at her cheeks, a stark reminder that she was far from anything familiar. Greenland wasn't home—not even close—but it had become her reality, filled with long days, sleepless nights, and friends who had become her makeshift family.

She turned and started walking toward the barracks, her mind replaying the tension between her and John Brady. She couldn't let him get under her skin, not when there was so much else to worry about. But no matter how hard she tried, he was always there—teasing, provoking, and making her feel things she didn't want to feel.

She hated how easily he could rile her up.

Brady had that infuriating smirk—cocky and unreadable—that seemed permanently stitched onto his face. Always lounging around like he hadn't a care in the world, cracking jokes even when the wounded poured in like floodwater. He had a way of sauntering into a room and stealing all the air without even trying. He called her "McKenna" like it was some kind of private joke, always with that drawl that made her want to either throw a scalpel at him or...God help her, laugh.

He was reckless, arrogant, always too loud in the mess hall, and far too comfortable making up nicknames for everyone, including her—"Sugs" or "Florence Nightmare" depending on the day. She had tried ignoring him, then snapping at him, then outwitting him. Nothing worked. Brady just kept showing up, brushing off her barbs like they were compliments.

What bothered her most was that he saw her. Not just the nurse in the uniform or the woman trying to keep it together in a frozen wasteland—but her. The parts she tried to bury under efficiency and steel. And when he looked at her, really looked at her, like he was peeling back every layer with those sharp, amused eyes, it made her feel exposed.

And that scared her more than anything.

Because no one was supposed to get close. Not out here. Not in a place where everyone was temporary.

She clenched her gloved hands as she stepped through the icy wind toward the barracks, jaw tight. Whatever game John Brady thought he was playing, she wasn't going to be the fool who fell for it.

At least...that's what she kept telling herself.

As she neared the medical tent, a familiar voice called out from behind her, "Hey, Em! Good to see you're alive, you look like you've seen a ghost," it was Maggie Lawson, one of the other flight nurses, and one of Emilia's closest friends on the base. Maggie was a bright spot in an otherwise grim existence—sharp-tongued, quick to laugh, and always up for a good story. She had the kind of energy that made people want to be around her, even in the darkest of times.

Emilia forced a smile and walked over to her, "I think I've just been in the sky too long today."

Maggie raised an eyebrow, her eyes glinting with mischief, "Or maybe it's that flyboy who's always hovering around you, huh?" she teased making Emilia shoot her a warning glance.

Emilia scoffed, trying to brush it off, "Please. Brady? He's insufferable."

"Yeah, but you're always talking about him," Maggie said, nudging her with an elbow, "Seems like you two have a lot of...tension," Emilia rolled her eyes, though she couldn't help but laugh.

"Tension's one word for it. More like he's a pain in my ass."

"Uh-huh," Maggie grinned, clearly not buying it, "Well, he's certainly got his eyes on you, Sugs," Emilia groaned at the mention of Brady's nickname for her.

"God, don't you start."

Maggie laughed, shaking her head, "I'm just saying. There's something there, whether you want to admit it or not," before Emilia could protest, another familiar voice joined the conversation.

"Leave her alone, Maggie. Not everyone's falling for one of the pilots," Sam Jenkins, one of the ground crew mechanics, chimed in as he walked over to them, wiping his hands on an oil-stained rag. He had a boyish grin that made him impossible to dislike, and he was the type of friend who always had your back.

"See? Sam gets it," Emilia said, giving him a grateful smile.

Sam shrugged, grinning back at her, "I'm just saying, Emilia's got her hands full with all of us. She doesn't need some hotshot pilot—especially Brady making things more complicated," Emilia groaned in annoyance as she placed her head in her hands.

Maggie smirked, folding her arms, "True, but complicated can be fun," Emilia rolled her eyes again but couldn't help the small smile that tugged at her lips.

These moments, with Maggie and Sam, were a welcome relief from the constant pressure of the war. They were her lifeline, her grounding force, reminding her that despite everything, there were still things to laugh about. Still, reasons to smile.

As the three of them stood there, the conversation naturally shifted to the more mundane—complaints about the weather, rumours about upcoming missions, and the usual scuttlebutt around the base. It was a brief respite from the chaos that loomed over them daily.

But even as they talked, Emilia's thoughts kept drifting back to Brady. She hated how much space he took up in her mind, but she couldn't deny that he intrigued her. There was something behind that cocky grin, something deeper than the brash persona he put on for everyone. And as much as she wanted to keep her distance, part of her was curious. Maybe even more than curious.

"So, are you coming to the officer's mess tonight? I heard they managed to get some real coffee in. Probably just a rumour, but worth checking out," Sam asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, I'll be there," Emilia said, nodding, "After I finish up with the medics. Someone's got to make sure those boys don't fall apart," a chuckle escaped Sam's lips.

"Like I said, you've got your hands full," Sam teased, flashing her a grin before he headed back toward the mechanics' shed.

As she and Maggie started toward the medical tent, Maggie gave her a sidelong glance, "You know, you should come out with us more. It'd be good for you to have some fun, Em. You've been working too hard," Emilia shrugged.

"I'm here to do a job, Mags. And with the way things are going, there's not much time for fun."

"Well, make time," Maggie insisted, "We're all together, right? Doesn't hurt to blow off some steam now and then," Emilia smiled softly, appreciating the concern.

"I'll try."

As they reached the tent, Maggie waved her off, heading toward the barracks, "See you tonight! And remember, no hiding in the corner. You owe me a drink!" Emilia waved back, chuckling to herself. Maggie was right. She did need to let loose, even if just for a little while. But right now, she had soldiers to tend to and thoughts of a certain pilot to push out of her mind.

She pulled the flap of the med tent open, stepping into the warmth with a sigh. The familiar scent of antiseptic and canvas wrapped around her like a second skin. Her eyes scanned the cots until they landed on the kid who'd taken the prop blast to the arm—Jackson Sadie, barely twenty, with freckles and a permanent flush to his cheeks like he was always embarrassed to be alive.

He was propped up with a wool blanket pulled over his legs, cradling his bandaged arm, "Afternoon, Doc," he grinned, his voice scratchy but cheerful.

"Sadie," Emilia greeted, approaching his cot, "Just checking in. How's the arm?"

He shrugged with his good one, "Hurts like hell, but I'll live."

She crouched beside him, gently inspecting the dressings, "You're lucky. The shrapnel didn't hit anything vital—missed the artery by a whisper. Another inch, and you'd be on your way home in a box instead of back to Boise with a war story."

"Lucky," he echoed, then smirked, "Hey, Doc?"

"Hmm?"

"What's the deal with you and Brady?"

Emilia blinked. Froze for a beat too long, "What?"

Jackson just grinned, undeterred, "Y'know. You always look like you're about to throttle him. Or kiss him. Can't tell which."

She scoffed, focusing on the bandage to hide the flush creeping up her neck, "He's reckless. That's what I've got against him. Doesn't take anything seriously. Not life. Not death. Especially not the line between them."

Sadie studied her a moment, then said quietly, "He's a damn good flyer, you know. Brave, too. But...he only flies reckless when you're around."

Emilia looked up, brow furrowing, "Excuse me?"

"Yeah," Sadie scratched his jaw, "You're the only one he shows off for. He never did that back in training. Back then, he was all fists and attitude. Never talked to anyone but Zim. He'd mouth off to anyone else who tried to get close. Nearly got kicked out a dozen times. Guy had a temper. The bad kind."

She blinked, taken aback, "And now?"

"He's...different. Since you showed up. Talks more. Smiles more. Doesn't pick fights. Still cocky, but it's like...the fun kind now, not the self-destructive kind. You changed him, McKenna. Whether you meant to or not."

Emilia leaned back on her heels, arms folding across her chest. Her throat felt tight with something she didn't want to name, "If he's trying to impress me, he's doing a shit job. This isn't a place to show off, Sadie. It's a place to survive."

"I know," the young man said, nodding, "But maybe he started trying to survive because of you."

That shut her up.

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The quiet hummed in the tent, interrupted only by the soft groans of the injured and the distant howl of wind outside. Emilia let her gaze drop to Sadie's arm again, tugging the blanket up a little higher.

"You'll heal just fine," she murmured, "Give it a few weeks and you'll be back giving your mother hell."

Jackson smiled, eyes softening, "Thanks, Doc. I get to see my Ma because of you. Thank you," something stung behind her eyes, but she just nodded, rising to her feet.

"Get some rest, Jackson."

As she turned away, her thoughts drifted back to Brady—and not the version she built in her mind, the one made of smirks and swagger, but the one Jackson had just described. The one who had a best friend named Zim. The one who had been angry, closed off, and had somehow started changing because of her.

God help her. She wasn't sure if that made things better or worse. | MAY 1943 |

LATER that evening, as the freezing wind whipped along the edge of the hangar, Emilia tucked herself behind a stack of crates, her coat pulled tightly around her and an unlit cigarette between her lips. She had just finished unloading the last of the medical supplies from the transport when one of the flight crew handed her a small envelope—worn, smudged with fingerprints, and bearing the familiar handwriting of someone she missed with every part of her.

Alan. Her youngest brother.

She slipped the letter from the envelope, her fingers stiff from the cold, and carefully unfolded the creased paper. The moment her eyes landed on the first line, something in her chest loosened.

Dear Emmy,

He was the only one who still called her that. The only one who could get away with it.

Not much to say from home, really. Everything's the same—just quieter without you. Dad has been keeping busy, though he still talks to your picture some nights like you can hear him. I guess maybe you can. I know you two weren't the closest but somewhere deep down in his heart he misses you most. But I understand if you wouldn't care, because I know all the shit he had put you through. But enough of Dad.

I thought you might want to know that Paul's working now. Can you believe it? He's doing shifts and classes and all that grown-up stuff. That's probably why he hasn't written in a while. He's always busy now.

She frowned.

Paul? Working? College?

It didn't add up. Paul had spent most of his life avoiding responsibility like the plague. He used to joke that he'd rather "sweep coal dust with his tongue" than go to university. She could still hear him saying it, laughing with his feet kicked up on the kitchen table.

This wasn't like him. And Alan...Alan was too trusting to question it.

Her fingers tightened around the letter, the edges crinkling. Something was off. And suddenly, she hated being so far away. Hated that she couldn't just pick up a phone or knock on Paul's bedroom door.

She read on.

I miss you, Em. I miss how things used to be. Before all this. Before all this death in the world. I keep dreaming of you coming home in your uniform like one of those big hero stories in the paper. I hope that happens. I really do. I'm keeping your spot at the table, just in case. I get to brag about how my sister is off saving the men that are fighting on to save our country.

You're the real hero.

But I miss you. I miss you being here at home. Without you it just feels so empty. You were the light to every room, and now without you it just seems so dark. But I look up at the skies everyday knowing that you're up there saving men, and then I remember that without you they would be just as hopeless, bleeding out on a plane in the middle of nowhere, as I am sitting in my room sitting at my desk writing this letter to you.

I just want you to come home alive and not just your dog tags and a telegram. Just stay alive Emmy. Love you forever.

Her throat tightened.

Love, Bean.

Her eyes welled, but she blinked the tears back. She couldn't afford to cry—not here. Not now.

But the ache lingered even after wrapping up her shift.

Later that night Emilia did find herself in the mess hall. The air was filled with the hum of chatter, the clatter of trays, and the occasional burst of laughter. She spotted Maggie and Sam sitting with a few others from the ground crew and made her way over.

But as soon as she sat down, she felt it—the unmistakable presence of John Brady. Sure enough, he was at the far end of the hall, leaning back in his chair with that same cocky grin, talking with some of the other pilots. And of course, his eyes met hers almost immediately. He raised his glass to her, smirking like he'd won some sort of victory, "Looks like your friend's here," Maggie whispered, nudging Emilia with her elbow.

"Don't say another word," Emilia muttered, though she couldn't stop her eyes from lingering on Brady for just a moment longer than necessary. She shook her head and turned back to her friends, determined to enjoy the night. But deep down, she knew that keeping John Brady out of her thoughts was going to be a losing battle. The mess hall was buzzing with the sounds of soldiers trying to forget, at least for a few hours, the war that loomed over them all. Emilia sat with Maggie, Sam, and a few others, sipping her drink and half-listening to the conversation. Her mind, however, was distracted, and it wasn't long before she noticed Brady standing up from his table across the room. With that signature cocky swagger, he was making his way toward her, "Oh no. Here we go," she muttered, sinking a little lower in her chair.

"What's that?" Sam asked, glancing up just in time to see Brady approaching.

"I think your flyboy's coming over," Maggie smirked, leaning in.

Emilia groaned, "He's not my—"

Before she could finish, John Brady plopped himself down in the empty chair next to her, all casual arrogance, "McKenna, fancy seeing you here. I thought you'd be off saving the world, one poor soul at a time," his cocky grin was begging to be ripped off.

She shot him a sideways glance, unimpressed, "You know, Brady, some of us actually have work to do around here. We can't all just fly around causing trouble."

He grinned, unbothered by her barb, "Trouble? You make it sound like I'm not the one keeping you in business. Who do you think brings those poor souls back to you in the first place?"

"Half the time, I'm cleaning up after whatever reckless stunt you've pulled in the air," she shot back, her voice laced with mock exasperation, "Maybe if you weren't so busy showing off, I'd have fewer broken airmen to patch up," Brady chuckled, leaning back in his chair.

"Aw, come on, Sugs, you know you love it. Gives you a reason to keep that sharp tongue of yours in practice."

Her eyes narrowed, "And you're giving me way too much practice, Lieutenant Wiseass."

"Good thing, too. Wouldn't want you getting bored," his smirk deepened, and Emilia could see that glint of mischief in his eyes—the one that always seemed to challenge her, daring her to rise to the occasion.

She crossed her arms, leaning back slightly, "You think you're so charming, don't you?" she shot at him.

"Oh, I know I am," he said, flashing a grin, "Admit it, McKenna, you'd miss me if I didn't come bother you."

"Miss you?" she repeated with a laugh, raising an eyebrow, "I'd get a lot more done, that's for sure," Emilia quipped followed by an eye roll.

"But it wouldn't be nearly as fun, would it?" he teased, leaning closer.

She rolled her eyes again, trying to ignore the way her pulse quickened, "You're impossible."

"Impossible? Now that's harsh," Brady made a mock wounded face, placing a hand over his heart, "And here I was thinking we were starting to get along."

"We'll never get along," she said flatly, though the corner of her mouth twitched.

Brady leaned in even closer, his voice dropping a notch, "I think you secretly enjoy having me around, Sugs. Keeps you on your toes."

"Don't flatter yourself," she muttered, but her attempt at dismissiveness fell flat. He was getting to her, and they both knew it.

Sam, who had been watching the exchange with a mixture of amusement and mild concern, cleared his throat, "Alright, children. You're making the rest of us feel like we're not even here."

Brady didn't even look away from Emilia, "Just a little friendly conversation, right, Sugs?" he blinked innocently but his eyes were filled with mischief.

"Friendly?" she scoffed, "You've got a strange definition of friendly."

"Looks like flirting to me," Maggie chimed in with a grin.

Emilia nearly choked on her drink, "Flirting? With him? Are you kidding?"

Brady leaned back in his chair, a smug look on his face, "See, even Lawson knows what's up."

"The only thing that's up Brady, is your ego and Mags, don't encourage him," Emilia said, glaring at Maggie.

"Why not? It's entertaining," Maggie replied with a smirk, "Besides, you two bicker like an old married couple," Emilia shook her head, mortified, while Brady just chuckled.

"See, McKenna, it's not just me. People are starting to talk."

"They can talk all they want," Emilia muttered, crossing her arms, "Doesn't mean they're right."

Brady shrugged, unfazed, "Suit yourself. But the way I see it, you're stuck with me. Might as well get used to it."

Emilia narrowed her eyes, "I'd rather not."

"Oh, come on, Sugs, admit it. You'd be lost without me." he grinned.

"I'd be a lot less annoyed, that's for sure," she said dryly.

"But a lot less entertained," he shot back smoothly, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

She couldn't deny that he was right about one thing—he did keep things interesting. Annoying as he was, there was something about their banter that felt...familiar. Comfortable, even. As much as she tried to resist, she knew deep down that John Brady had a way of getting under her skin like no one else could.

"Tell you what," Brady said, leaning back in his chair with a smirk. "Next time we're up in the air together, I'll try to behave. Just. For. You."

Emilia narrowed her eyes at him, lips tightening as if preparing to fire back—but nothing came. Because his voice, playful as it was, wasn't as cocky as usual. There was something else beneath it. A flicker of something real.

Just for you.

She hated the way those words settled in her chest—too warm, too dangerous.

And suddenly, she was back in the med tent, Jackson's voice echoing in her head.

He only flies reckless when you're around...

He started trying to survive because of you.

She hadn't believed it, not really. But now—watching Brady lean back with that grin, eyes flicking toward her with an expression that wasn't entirely smug—she didn't know what to believe. The Brady she had built in her mind, the one made entirely of swagger and arrogance, didn't line up with the one Jackson described. And it definitely didn't line up with the man sitting in front of her now, half-serious behind the teasing.

She wanted to laugh it off. Shrug and say. "Good. Maybe next time you won't get us both killed." but the words stayed stuck in her throat.

Because a part of her—an inconvenient, treacherous part—was beginning to wonder if the recklessness wasn't about showboating after all. Maybe it was his way of trying to be seen. Not as a hero. Not even as a pilot. Just...seen. By her.

Damn it.

He was still annoying. Still impossible. But maybe—just maybe—he wasn't the only one being affected by all of this.

Emilia looked away first.

"Try harder," she muttered, walking past him before he could see the way her expression had softened.

And behind her, she swore she could hear him smile, "Don't miss me too much, Sweets!" he called out as she walked away.

"Trust me, I won't," she called after him not sparing a glance back, though there was no real bite to her words.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Maggie leaned in with a knowing smile, arms crossed and eyes twinkling.

"Oh, you are so in trouble, Flyboy."

Brady's smirk didn't falter, but it shifted—less smug now, more thoughtful. He leaned back further in his chair, arms behind his head like he didn't have a care in the world, but his gaze lingered on the spot where Emilia had disappeared.

"In trouble?" he drawled, "Please, Carrots. She hates me."

Maggie scoffed, "Oh, sure. And that look she just gave you? That was pure loathing?"

"She always looks like she wants to strangle me."

"And yet," Maggie said, tapping the side of her temple, "She never does. She talks about you, though. A lot. With that exact same expression she just walked out of here wearing—confused, annoyed, and a little flustered."

Brady chuckled low under his breath, running a hand through his hair as if trying to shake something off. But it clung to him anyway, "She doesn't get it," he said quietly, mostly to himself.

"Then help her," Maggie replied, softening, "But maybe try using something other than near-death stunts to show you care, huh?"

He sighed, eyes still fixed on the door, "Yeah," he muttered. "Maybe."

But part of him already knew—Emilia had seen something in him today. Maybe not everything. But enough.

And that was more than he'd had in a long, long time.

[tyrantdev]

Opening Story

I am Tyrano Chaos and I am working in Unreal Engine to develop a currently unnamed RPG inspired by the Trails series and Persona. I am in the process of working on the Game Design Document, I wasn't happy with the first one, and learning how to make RPG systems in Unreal Engine.

I am also still looking for a professional position in the development world. I have a Bachelor's Degree in Computer Science with a specialization in Game Engines and Game Development.

I hope that those of you reading this are interested in Game Development and seeing the struggles and tribulations of learning how to use Unreal Engine. I plan to do written Dev Log updates here until my game has something to show. Once I have something I can display to the world I will likely move to YouTube and/or Itch.

The plan is to do these updates every few days, 2-5 times a week. I plan to make the first log, Dev Log 0, tomorrow. This will be to show off the Game Design document and inspirations for the game.

[8o8o8o8o8]

More Sisyphus & Ferryman. It's still sad.

Context: Minophus divorce, both of them on friendly terms with the Ferryman

"If it's any help," he says one day, quiet, as they shake on his lap. "Minos would tell you of endless thousands with worse sins than you, if you ask him."

Sisyphus' hand is warm on their damp shoulder, his brightness piercing the meager shield their cloak provides. He's found them hiding outside in the rain—neither Gabriel nor Minos would think them so cowardly as to do such things—and wordlessly scooped them up and brought them down to the engine room. They try not to think of how considerate it is of him to bring them to what he definitely knows is their favorite place on the ship.

"That's other people. I am the worst version of myself." The engine to their left drones in its duty. They lay their head against it and let the vibrations take over their shivering. Drown out the fading itch to scratch their skin off.

Sisyphus huffs once, frustrated with them (as usual) and accepting (as usual). One week into their... association, they've started to avoid talking to Sisyphus when Gabriel or Minos are in the room. They don't want the looks of concern they get when the two of them starts baring their metaphorical teeth. Minos is too kind, and Gabriel holds them like they're a fragile precious thing. They'd rather be soft with them.

But with Sisyphus... It's breathtakingly easy to loosen their own chains around him, to bite and snarl and be the wretched, violent person they haven't allowed themself to be in centuries.

"Mind your words. If the others hear that you will have to explain all this to their satisfaction." They know he doesn't mean the position they're in, squeezed into a crevice in ferry's engine room. No, it's all the other times he's caught them hissing curses under their breath. All the thrown objects. All the times they hid down here and screamed and screamed and screamed—

His fingers trace the fresh cracks on their shoulder blade, the backs of their ribs, not hidden enough under their cloth. The cold leeches out a little more.

"I'm surprised you haven't told them. It is strange of you to not take advantage of my weakness."

"There is nothing I can gain from causing you such harm, angeling." His tone is flat, the way that it gets when he's too annoyed at their way of thinking to even hide his meaning.

"You can protect Minos from having to suffer me." They point out to deafening silence.

Eventually, he swallows. "...You are bold to imply that I—that it would make him happy." It's far too brittle a threat. Gap in his defense. Months ago, they would have torn him open with that.

"He loves you." Sisyphus turns away, making to push them off and get up. They quickly cup a forceful hand around his cheek, practically grabbing his jaw, turning him to face them once more. His eyes are a touch wider but he meets their empty sockets gamely. "I'm serious. He'd be happy that you care for him."

"Don't change the subject, this is about your–"

"Fuck whatever I was doing." They would laugh if they weren't so focused on getting their point across. "Minos misses you. He's still upset at you, yes, but he spoke about you with this-this—Urgh." They groan. The strata of love and loss and rage of centuries-old longing they sometimes catch in Minos feels too raw and personal for them to deliver second-hand like this. They sigh.

"All I'm saying is," they tap their pinkie against his neck once, a demand to keep eye contact, "Minos, above all else, is a kind man. You will have his forgiveness if you ask for it."

"It's rude to raise hope like that, my captain." He flashes an easy grin, turned crooked from their firm hand on his cheek. It doesn't hide the panic pounding too visible in his chest. Perhaps it's not supposed to, and he really does just find humor in damn near everything. In that moment, they could see exactly how Minos fell for him. In a kinder world, one that didn't raise a Ferryman that flinches and runs when good things come a little too easily, perhaps they would have, as well.

...Perhaps it's not too late to try, anyway.

[manonamora-if]

June Check-In

My time as a benevolent tropical dictator has ended... time for some resource management retirement.

Bouncing for the summer. ✌️ I may or may not be online during that time. I'm not going in too much details, because it is IRL stuff that doesn't involve just me. I should still have some free time, but not as much as now. You may (probably will) catch random drops on itch.

Onto the usual index:

Recap of last month’s progress

Plan for the next month

The mega to-do-list tm that hasn't really changed.

Still long post under the break. If you want a mini version, head on over to itch.io as usual!

May Progress

Pulling out THE LIST from last month and checking the progress:

Play more games ✅

It's always a check because... there's always a jam we're doing with the @neointeractives, so there's always something to play. Anyways... this month fed be real good. Between the SpringThing (still not done reviewing), the Text Adventure Literacy Jam (have to queue my reviews - I placed third!!), the Dialogue Jam (you can read my thoughts here), the Locus Jam (lookie here), and the REALLY BAD IF jam (it's going to take me a while still)... there was a lot! But also a lot of fun!it also, unfortunately, gave me way too many new ideas...

Oh. It's also been one full year since I started writing reviews! And I've reached the 2nd spot on the IFDB ranking! Over 500 reviews to get there...

Code Chapter 6/Endings❌

MelS is still working on those, chipping away at the pages bit by bit, trying make that last chapter the best final chapter possible. But there are a lot of pages to go through... he's doing his best!

Fixing an older games. ❌

I mean, I bug-fixed my TALP entry, but I don't think that count (and there's some more stuff I could edit too). I've been too busy/all over the place to sit down and go back at it.

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP✅❌

Well, yes and no. I've been revisiting Exquisite Cadaver in the hope of finishing it for real (but I got distracted...), and re-reading it... I've CRINGED SO HARD AT THE WRITING. Like :/ it's so not great.

So before we can make substantial progress in the missing rounds, I will:

re-write the already coded rounds (and fix the insane amount of typos

re-code them (duh)

edit the Interface (the template is a bit all over the place)

fix some other code

other stuff I'm forgetting for sure.

The prologue is completely done, and I've started on the rounds. I think I'll update the game when the re-writes are done. Then do an Interface/code uphaul. Then add more rounds (or switch 1 and 2).

I'm trying to keep this for this summer. That would be good. I think I could even finish it (knock on wood and what not).

What else happened this month????

Well, the organisation of the Locus Jam and the REALLY BAD IF, and setting up Neo-Twiny once again (@neo-twiny-jam). That's... a lot more work than just pressing some buttons 😅

On the writing side, I've written a novel as a Post-Mortem for Jeangille. You can find it here.

More writing... Well, I've mentioned being distracted a few times already this month? That's because... I've gone a bit overboard with tiny stuff. Here's what you may have missed:

I PROMISE I AM WORKING ON THE GAME (Locus/RBIF - binksi)

the 500 rooms game (RBIF - Inform)

Tomato Tomato (RBVN/bitsy jam - binksi - will be made better)

Cloak of Darkness (porting to multiple IF programs -> source code included to see how an engine works)

So hum... yeah. Not super great on the plan. The more I push it, the less I manage... But also I made fun stuff so...

Maybe on really cool thing coming out of this month is... GETTING THIRD PLACE FOR Lysidice and the Minotaur! With a strong average of 4!!! Which is SO MUCH BETTER THAN LAST YEAR!!!

The PLANtm for June

I won't have Tropico or most of my Steam Library to distract me in the next month. I actually will have a lot of IRL stuff to deal with. Aside from dealing with the Neo-Twiny Jam and Anti-Romance Jam organisation, you will probably not hear much from me.

Still, during down time, I would try to:

Play more games: I need to finish my RBIF thread, and start the Neo-Twiny one (if it's like last year, better start early!). And finish the reviews to the previous comps too.

Code Chapter 6/Endings: Still on MelS. Though I still could do some stuff... I've been putting it off since he's not made as much progress as we'd hoped.

Fixing an older games. Well, I'm re-writing Exquisite Cadaver, if I manage that and the Interface, that goal will be filled. Or the Tomato Tomato one.

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP. And if I could manage to write one more game round for EC, we'll be golden!

Let's have a boring month! For realsies.

I'm also planning on just... logging off from the internet for long periods of time (the IRL stuff).

~

The 2024 To-Do List:

And now we're back at the start... SIGH

The hopefully maybe easy to handle To-Do:

fix the bugs in EDOC + overall the French version to match (waiting for Adventuron to get the French language)

fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces (giving up on the translation)

fixing the interface of LPM and the popups + check animal interactions

figure out the One-Button JavaScrip/jQuery issue...

edit the loading screens of the completed tiny games to include the program/format logo at least.

The 'Need a Bunch of Content to update but it's planned!' To-Do:

Update my website (bunch new title - also I don't think the logo clicky thing work...) + redo my itch page (un-stricking cause I need to update it)

Finish TTATEH (MelS dependent)

Finish Exquisite Cadaver (half-way mark by this summer - manif)

Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (main path at least)

Update CRWL (it's been almost two years... I'm ashamed)

The Unlikely But it Would be Dope To-Do

Finish The Dinner as it was planned (and translate)

Finish In the Blink of an Eye as it was planned (and retranslate)

Finish The Rye in the Dark City

Fixing TTTT (at least fixing, maybe try adding some storylets)

And finally The 'It's impossible, but one can wish' TO-DO:

Remaster SPS IH (if I managed to start this after completing the rest... I'm going to eat a whole sheet cake).

Start the IFComp project (2025? Might end up being a ST?)

[firethekitty]

okay you reblog a lot of albums ive never heard of and am curious about but it’s hard to get myself to sit down and listen to a whole album so please please, Top Ten-ish Songs To Get To Know You kind of list? pretty please?

i literally daydream about people asking me stuff like this LOL. so this is hardly a comprehensive list of all my favorite songs ever but here are some songs that are really important to me!!! this got REALLY long so i put it under a read more

1. meet me in the woods by lord huron

my absolute favorite song Ever like of all time. means everything to me. i could listen to this every single day and never get tired of it. INSANELY fun, incredible vibes, makes me want to go outside and shoot a beam into somebody. lord huron is an Experience. all their albums are concept albums and there’s actually a fair amount of lore going on. on the physical CD for strange trails it actually has the characters’ names next to their respective songs

for meet me in the woods, it sounds very upbeat and happy, but listen closely and you’ll realize it’s not quite as it seems… in-universe, it’s narrated by a woman named francine lu, and the song has the same chords as the first track of the album (and another of her songs) “love like ghosts”. she also narrates “the night we met”, easily LH’s most famous song. francine lu is not having a normal one. what’s her problem? listen to find out…..

2. crystals by of monsters and men

this was my favorite song ever for about 6 years until meet me in the woods ranked just a tiny bit higher. sooo fucking fun, itches a part of my brain that’s only accessible via icelandic stomp & holler. makes me very happy and always cheers me up! of monsters and men was the first new (at the time) band i ever really discovered on my own without hearing about from my parents or other people, and i’ve been listening to them ever since (almost 13 years!!) they are incredibly important to me and i highly recommend all of their albums

3. sunblind by fleet foxes

relatively new but became a favorite as soon as i heard it. this is also one of the most Me songs i can think of on top of just being so fucking gorgeous and raw and heartfelt. this song is a tribute to deceased musicians who influenced robin pecknold (the lead singer and songwriter for fleet foxes) and how their music is pretty much the reason he’s even alive today. my favorite lines are “only way that i made it for a long time / but i’m loud and alive, singing you all night”. this entire album is sincerely a masterpiece and i highly recommend listening to it all. fleet foxes have really beautiful and unique lyrics, they remind me of mitski’s lyrics in that they’re very poetic and personal and emotional but still subjective enough that you can connect them to your own life

4. this must be the place by talking heads

specifically the stop making sense live recording, which i still half-refuse to believe is a live recording because it’s just THAT fucking good. whenever someone says david byrne can’t sing i direct them here, because he does sincerely have an incredible voice and he simply Chooses to sing weirdly bc he’s a quirked up white boy with autistic swag.

this is just a really sweet and romantic song from a band that otherwise stays far away from love songs and it works extremely well. this entire album is fucking incredible and easily the best live album of all time. half of them are BETTER than the studio recordings, and you can also watch david byrne leap straight up backwards like a full 4 feet

highly recommend watching stop making sense just the entire film

5. vein of stars by the flaming lips

back in 2014, i watched a very beloved streamer play a game called “space engine”, in which you explore as much of the universe as we’ve theorized to exist. this was a little before copyright laws got so fucking strict on youtube and twitch, so mr. vinny vinesauce could play any music he wanted while planet-hopping. one of those songs was vein of stars, and it’s been one of my absolute favorites ever since.

the flaming lips are definitely an acquired taste. wayne coyne does Not have a very good voice and it can get extremely grating, especially to someone who hasn't heard them before. but when it works, god it works. this song is so pretty and nostalgic to me, always calms me down whenever i’m In A Mood. it’s nihilistic but not in a depressing way, more like “yeah maybe we aren’t here for any particular reason, maybe there’s nothing after this life. there’s nothing we can do about that, so why worry?”. very peaceful. REQUIRED listening when stargazing

6. good old-fashioned lover boy by queen

one of the first songs i ever truly hyperfixated on. unfortunately i listened to it SO fucking much it kind of ruined it for me, but i still do really love it. i may not listen to it that often anymore but i felt obligated to put it here bc it had a Profound Effect on my developing brain

7. too much time by john vanderslice

the year is 2012 and you're halfway through the newest episode of the hit podcast welcome to nightvale. cecil announces the weather. little do you know that you will carry the next 3 and a half minutes with you for the rest of your life. this one is just absurdly nostalgic to me (and not to mention incredibly vash the stampede coded). beloved song!!!

8. waltz for zizi & the real folk blues by the seatbelts & mai yamane

well it’s no secret that i think cowboy bebop has the greatest anime soundtrack of all time and one of THE greatest soundtracks of all time Ever. this is just an objective fact actually.

i believe this is because the seatbelts and specifically the composer yoko kanno studied real jazz, blues, and bebop to make the ost. like it's not just "jazz-flavored", there is genuine, deep respect and you can hear it in every single track. waltz for zizi gives me physical goosebumps every single time i listen to it, it's absolutely perfect. i've made it a ritual to listen to every time i visit the shore at night and go stargazing. sincerely transcendent experience

9. cuckoo song by cosmo sheldrake

hhhhhrrr this entire fucking albummmm hhhhhhhrhhhhrhhhaauuuuUUUUOOOGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

back during my final semesters of college, i had to take a course for art degree seniors. we’d pick something we were passionate about, make art for it, and it would be hung up for a week in the exhibition room. i chose birds of course, but wake-up calls inspired me to shift that choice to something more important than just random funny bird drawings. i focused on bird species that have gone extinct within the last 60 years because wake-up calls is made almost entirely out of endangered bird songs.

i’ll be honest i can barely listen to this song or anything on the album because i WILL literally start sobbing like in real life. cuckoo song in particular just makes me start crying every single time i listen to it, it’s like a magic spell. it’s not even necessarily sad but just viscerally bittersweet. the art for the album is made by flora wallace. here’s the spotify canvas i made a gif just for you 👍

10. take you back by orville peck

and finally………….. the song that made me realize that i actually DO love real country music a lot, and that the derivative “bro country” sub-genre that developed in the early 2000s has absolutely destroyed any positive opinion of country music in society. we NEED to go back, and orville peck is more than doing his part. this is the first song i ever heard by him and it's just so goddamn fun. i am completely unable to not sing along to this when it comes on

not only do i highly recommend orville peck but also any country music from the 50s and 60s, especially marty robbins, charley pride, conway twitty, and of course mrs. dolly parton. and later country rock/folk rock bands like america and creedence clearwater revival. it’s SO good i’m so serious

orville peck is the only modern country singer i can think of who's not afraid to bring back the harmonicas and whistling and steel guitars and whip cracks and yeehaws. it's fantastic. he's also gay and an outspoken trans ally. i believe this gives him the power to revive country music from the dead 🙏

[spinecutter]

this shit was concepted, manufactored and marketed by an incredibly smart and conniving devil. i swear to god they put Some kind of highly addictive substance in these, be it that one kind of powdery thing from milk or if its like sugar extract or maybe just an obscene amount of caffeine i am not totally sure how theyd do it while keeping it fda compliant but i cant stop shoving these things in my fucking face because while they make my puny white boy mouth burn and itch and cry and scream and they make my trashed immune and digestive system absolutely flip their shits they are a special, brand new kind of delicious. i dont know what kind of sick game this devil amongst men is playing but i wont be surprised if in a couple decades they find asbestos level brain damage in genz because the seasoning glues itself to your guts and just burrows into your bloodstream and goes straight to the brain dying it and your large intestine bright fire engine red in the process

[chattercap]

Monthly Update (March 2024!)

Hello everyone, happy March!

Karamu Trilogy

February was definitely my Kanau development month! Most of the month was devoted to working on the art assets and setting up the voice acting. I started the casting call in early February and finished it in mid-February. I also received all of the voice files and cleaned and adjusted them/requested retakes. I'll be making casting announcements soon; I'm very excited to be working with so many talented individuals!

I also started and finished all of the art for Kanau. In total, it's 7 backgrounds, 9 CGs, and 21 mini CGs! (Gosh even I'm impressed by how much art I managed to do for this…originally it was just going to be 2 backgrounds and one sprite…)

I also wrote around 6000 words for Hanasu, the Karamu sequel!

The Deepwater Witch

I finished a few of the remaining CGs for The Deepwater Witch, but there are a couple left to go that I want to take my time with. Since March will be devoted to MINDMINDMIND (and coding the Kanau release), I decided to push back the full TDW release to April.

MINDMINDMIND (Nano 2024)

I finalized the designs for Geist and Kalei, and I also finished finalizing the outline. In addition, I decided to start the casting call for this one a little early; I do want to release the voiced version for Nano if possible, and I want to give the VAs as much time as possible to record. As a result, I am DEAD SET on finishing the script within the first ten days of March…fingers crossed!

Other game build related stuff!

I got some reports in January that there were issues with TDW's MacOS build, which is probably because of my engine change (from Unity to Godot). Mac's security systems are notoriously difficult to work with, which is probably what is causing the problems. I decided to bite the bullet and buy an Apple Developer License so I could sign and notarize my Mac builds, but after struggling for around 2 weeks, I concluded: with my current game framework, it is impossible to sign and notarize for Mac. If I want to fix it, then I need to either rewrite all of my code in a different language or go back to Unity.

I did hear that deploying on itch through itch's command line app (butler) and then playing the game through the official itch app can fix some of the issues. I did that for TDW, and hopefully the MacOS game build is working okay now. If you want to play my games on Mac, please download them through the official itch app. That's the best way to make sure that they play without a hitch. Unfortunately, I don't have a good Mac (the only one I own is around 11 years old at this point), and it's difficult for me to do any Mac testing. If you run into problems, please let me know, and I'll try to get them sorted!

As for Android builds, I'm still waiting on an update to the version of Godot that I use, so I don't have a timeline on that. As soon as Android builds are available, I'll work on ports for Kanau and TDW.

What am I planning for March?

Kanau is slated to release on Friday, March 8th, so between now and then I'll be hard at work coding. I'm also going to be in the weeds scripting for MINDMINDMIND so that I can give a script to the VAs as soon as I cast (I'm aiming for around 2k words a day…hopefully…) After Kanau is released, I'll be finalizing the MINDMINDMIND script, and then the rest of the month will be devoted to putting MINDMINDMIND together. It will be finished by the end of March, by hook or by crook!

Thank you to everyone for reading, and I'll see you next month!

If you want to hear from me more often, I post frequently on my Patreon with sketches, writing snippets, sneak peeks, high resolution art, and weekly devlogs.