#I am not known for my musical theory knowledge

[hereforyourdispleasure]

I know this has probably been pointed out to death but the 4 beat rhythm in the background of doctor who's main theme is the same rhythm as the master's drums I think it's pretty funky

[renard-dartigue]

Hi now i'm curious what is the beef with the rappers

Man this is going to be long so I'll try to keep this simple and entertaining. I hope this comes across as clear cause I'm shook right now.

Here is a glossarie to break thing up:

Prologue (The Spark 🔥)

Round 1.1 (Physical Education 💪🏾)

Interlude part 1 (Roots 🏠)

Round 1.2 (2 Warning Shots 🔫)

Interlude part 2 (Pusha the Seer 👁)

Round 2.1 (Knifes Out 🔪 )

Round 2.2 (The Nuke 💥)

Epilogue (All eyes on him 👀)

My Theory 🤷🏾‍♂️

Highly recommend checking out the tracks yourself while you read along.

Prologue (The Spark)

Let it be known that I am a neutral party and that I don't take sides when it comes to rap beef. I was here for the music and creativity. I am just trying to recount events to the best of my knowledge. Sorry if some details are inaccurate.

Okay so basically, Drake, J Cole, and Kendrick Lamar are the Big 3 of the rap world right now.

A month ago, Future and Metro Boomin (two rapper who supposedly don't fuck with Drake anymore) released a song with Kendrick Lamar called "Like That". In the song Kendrick took a shot at Drake and J Cole, saying there isn't a big 3, its only him on top.

4 weeks ago J Cole dropped a track called "7 Minute Drill" that is dissing Kendrick. However, in a move that is very uncharacteristic of J, he took down the official track and formally apologized to Kendrick. Thus signaling his exit from the rap battle.

ROUND 1.1 (Physical Ed)

Drake on the other hand dropped "Push Ups" 2 weeks ago, a diss track that went after other rappers he doesn't like but mainly Kendrick. In it, he made fun of Kendrick's height and his contracts. He then ends the song with "I was really try'n keep it PG" meaning he has a nuke on Kendrick that people don't know.

Not long later, Drake dropped ANOTHER diss track "Taylor Made Freestyle" with Ai voices of Snoop Dog and fucking 2PAC! Kendrick has stated before that 2pac is one of his idols so this must have been a deep cut. In the song Drake claims Kendrick doesn't write his own music and uses the writers of Taylor Swift. Relating a rapper to pop music is seen as disrespectful.

INTERLUDE PART 1 (Roots)

Before I continue, I want to give a brief run down on how the public perceives these two rappers.

Drake portrays himself as a superstar, he's always on social media flaunting his success and partying with other celebrities, seeing alot of women and living a lavish lifestyle. His music is catchy, something you put on in the club. Most of his fan base praise him for his sick beats and witty lyrics. He's been in the music industry for a while and is no push over.

Kendrick Lamar is a very private person, doesn't expose anything about his personal life unless its on a track. He almost never gets into fights with anyone. He is a family man, stressing the importance of being there for his wife and son and encourages other fathers to do the same. His fan base praise him for his creative lyrics and highlighting the black American condition.

ROUND 1.2 (2 Warning Shots)

2 Day ago, Kendrick Lamar came back with his first official diss track on Drake called "Euphoria". In this song, Kendrick goes in on Drakes fake personality. Drake has always been known around the community as a bit of a poser, he grew up in Canada and was raised by his white mother, a relatively comfortable childhood. He was a star on the popular show Degassi when he was young. garnering him a fan base early in his career. Kendrick doesn't approve of Drake appropriating black American culture and acting like he some tough guy. When in reality he is a Canadian nerd thats disrespectful to 2pac. All throughout the song, Kendrick hits at things that many people have know about Drake, such as his behavior around underage girls. He also called Drake a deadbeat father who isn't in his son's life, even referencing his lost battle to Pusha T. Then Kendrick finally warns him that he has more dirt that he is willing to share if Drake takes things further.

Similar to Drake, Kendrick dropped another track called "6:16 in LA" later that day. This song focuses on Drake's environment, specifically the people he hangs with. Kendrick implies that Drake paid people to dig into his background and when they didn't find anything, Drake made up stuff instead. Kendrick then says that someone in Drakes group is leaking information to him about something even more serious. Also planting a seed in Drake's mind that his supposed friends don't actually like him, just like the clout from hanging around him.

INTERLUDE PART 2 (Pusha the Seer)

Taking a quick break again, we need to discuss something that occurred long before Drake's battle with Kendrick.

5 years ago, Drake was in a rap battle with rapper Pusha T, someone who was smaller than Drake at the time in terms of popularity. Pusha dropped a song called "The Story of Adidon" where he dropped a bomb that Drake had a kid and wasn't taking care of him. Drake initially denied it but it was later revealed to be true.

Since then Drake has never responded to Pusha T's diss track, making Pusha the current winner. And Kendrick is bringing it back into the light.

Round 2.1 (Knifes Out)

Around 2 am EST time of May 4th, Drake drops his diss track, "Family Matters" one of his strongest songs, switching his flow 3 times in the span of 7 minutes. In true Drake fashion, its a club song with a catchy beat. Like his previous diss, its aimed at multiple people but the main focus is on Kendrick, even bring up "I was really try'n keep this PG".

Drake doubles down on his black identity and mocks the fact that Kendrick and other rappers are saying he isn't black, (incorrectly assuming that they are coming at him for being mixed when the real issue is that he is appropriating black American rap culture as a Canadian mixed man who grew up in a safe environment) Drake not only calls Kendrick a fraud who only raps about black issues for attention, Or that his activism is performative. He makes a shocking claims that Kendrick is a wife beater. Then Drake says that Kendrick's son doesn't belong to him and implies Kendrick's producer was the real father.

The track caused an uproar. But only for the span of 15 minutes. Because Kendrick did the unthinkable.

ROUND 2.2 (THE NUKE)

Almost as if expecting Drake's move, Kendrick Lamar did what no one saw coming. He dropped his diss track "Meet The Grahams" about 15 minutes after Drake released "Family Matters".

This time around, in a fashion almost unheard of from him, Kendrick strips all the usual metaphors from his lyricism and structures his track like he is speaking to Drake and his family, 4 parts per individual.

Kendrick begins by speaking to Drakes Son, Adonis, the same son Pusha T exposed Drake for neglecting 5 years ago. He's apologizing to him for his father's behavior. Kendrick speaks to him softly but sternly like a mentor, telling him not to be like his father. Kendrick tells Adonis all the things Drake did and warns him not to do them too: involved with escorts, plastic surgery to appear more black, surgery to look more muscular, hiding a kid. (Kendrick stresses that Adonis is black regardless of being mixed, further highlighting that he isn't discrediting Drake's blackness because he's mixed but because he isn't being himself.) Finishing of by telling the kid to be proud of who he is.

The second half is Kendrick addressing Drake's mother and father, Sandra and Denise. Kendrick speaks to her like he's revealing tragic news, explaining to her that her son is involved in disgusting things. He goes down a list of things, his tone growing more intense and angry. Kendrick then claimed that Drake is employing and enabling pedos in his group, and hopes they die. Even implying that his group is going to be raided by the feds some day.

The third half is the MOST shocking of all. Kendrick begins talking to an unnamed individual, simply calls her babygirl. Similar to Adonis, Kendrick takes on a somber tone and apologizes to her for Drakes behavior. He says its not her fault Drake abandoned her, says that she is deserving of love. He warns her not to become a target for people like Drake to pray on and says she has so much to offer the world.

Kendrick revealed Drake has ANOTHER kid and isn't in their life! (Allegedly)

To close of, the fourth half is Kendrick speaking directly to Drake, his tone tired. He tries to reiterate that he doesn't have hate for him. However, Kendrick says Drake was the first one to go after his family and he couldn't let it slide. He once again calls for Drake to take the mask off. Then says this isn't a rap battle anymore, tells Drake he is fighting himself.

Epilogue (All eyes on him)

And so here we are, waiting for what will happen next.

Drake posted an Instagram story denying the claim he has another kid. But given what happened with Pusha T, we can't quite take his word for it yet. We should wait a bit to see if anything comes out.

Kendrick hasn't put out a statement on Drake's claims about him but given the recurring theme of Drake being a manipulative lier, Kendrick clearly denies it. Given how private he is, its difficult to prove or disprove it. Much like Drake's claims, we will have to wait and see if any evidence comes out about it.

Drake and Kendrick stans are at eachothers throats right now, arguing over who one and whats real or fake.

Right now everyone is looking to see if Drake is going to continue the battle or stay silent like he did with Pusha.

My Theory

Personally as an outside observer who only followed the beef for good music. I think this goes beyond a simple rap battle.

Here is my theory: Someone from Drake's clique told Kendrick that Drake and his producers were writing something about him. Real or fake, Kendrick was pissed. And so he drafted 3 tracks, dumping everything he hates about Drake into them. And then, with the leaker's help, Kendrick baited Drake into a battle, goading Drake to drop the "Family Matters" track so he can shut the battle down with "Meet the Grahams". Or maybe his first 2 tracks were a warning to Drake that if he released a track with lies on him he would reveal he has another kid.

I do think Kendrick initially had good intentions in trying to help Drake be a better person. But maybe the more he learned about Drake the less sympathetic he felt.

But I don't know thats just how I see it.

Thanks for reading my essay. I hope it made sense heh. I encourage healthy discussions in the comments and reblogs please. But everyone agrees that Drake is inappropriate with young girls. We won't argue over that.

[marengogo]

Silver Lining - What If #7 : Solstice & Equinox

Listening to This is V - As Friday is Tae Day

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Hello my Dearest Gurls, Bois and Enbies.

It’s been a while since I made an actual post right? Oh and, for the time being, forget about that chapter 2 post, every time I resume writing it, I think about the present state of this fandom and I get so VEXED that I close the file soon after … so yeah, there’s that So, here I am, wanting to share something I thought of yesterday, something completely delulu but quite fun at the same time. 

AS ALWAYS, before we get off on DeluluLand, here is a message from our conductor *clears voice*: “Good morning, good afternoon or good evening, I trust I’m finding everyone well and ready to embark into this new trip. As today’s destination is particularly delulu and rather wishful-thinking-esque, I highly suggest bringing the toughest, biggest and shiniest tin hat in your possession, as well as your best clown clothes, with you when you disembark. Now, alas, the temperature is undesirable cold, the skies are pretty foggy and the waters are pretty rough, nonetheless, I do hope you still enjoy the journey, godspeed, this was your captain”. 

And now that we are all readily equipped let me welcome you without further ado to:

Jikook Travel Vlog Theory by Marengo! 

This isn’t a discussion about what I think the vlog will contain, but more of when I think it/they might be released, or rather, if I were jikook, which I’m obviously not, hence this being a delulu post, I would do it in the way I am about to explain. BUT FIRST, let’s see what knowledge we currently have available:

CONNECTICUT, JEJU, BUSAN, SAPPORO

Now, we know for a fact that they went to Connecticut and Sapporo to film this vlog, as eventually mentioned by JK on Suchwita. In Connecticut no thanks to an asshole we saw them with GoPros and also on their way to, and from, Sapporo, as always “courtesy” of airport warriors. So we have no doubt about those.

Jeju was a rumor that some k-jikookers had began some time last year, which was shutdown as quickly as it came out, but which, none other than our dear Tae confirmed a few months later when he made his Chuseok post on IG. BUT the question is; is the Jeju trip part of the Jikook Travel Vlog?

Last but not least is Busan. Admittedly, Busan is a super filler, guessed and projected destination as we don’t have any sightings of the both of them together last year. In fact, we only have confirmed sighting of JK with his 97 friends, thanks to a local restaurant. YET, yours truly Marengo feels that there might be something worth looking in there🕵🏾‍♀️. Considering that they are both from Busan, city that they don’t seem to despise, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to think that they would want to add it to their travel vlog … but would nobody notice them walking around the big city of Busan? I highly doubt it. Yet more shocking things have been known to happen, so who knows right?

But Marengo - you might be wondering - what’s with the title of your post then?! … WELL

You might remember the terms Solstice & Equinox from a very distant Science/Geography lesson in your memory, their definitions are not very complex, but do not worry, it is not in my interest to shove my geeky ass upon you today. What you need to know is that we basically use this particular “occurances” to practically determine the beginning of each season. We have 2 Solstice (Winter and Summer) and 2 Equinox (Spring & Autumn), which usually occur, give or take one day around the same time of the year as follows:

WINTER SOLSTICE - DECEMBER 20/21

SPRING EQUINOX - MARCH 21

SUMMER SOLSTICE - JUNE 20/21

AUTUMN EQUINOX - SEPTEMBER 23

… So, if we follow my VERY DELUSIONAL REASONING we would have 4 DATES (or time periods) and potentially 4 DESTINATIONS.

This year's Spring Equinox has been “taken over” by VHOPE so I don’t think that we would get anything, and even though Jin will be back with us on this year’s Summer Solstice, I doubt he would be promoting right off the bat (like ... I would think he would need time to adjust a bit … BUT WITH BANGTAN WHO KNOWS RIGHT???) … Which is why, in my head, the first VLOG would come out around this year’s Summer Solstice and proceed gradually as follows:

SUMMER SOLSTICE - JUNE 20/21 2024: CONNECTICUT VLOG

This was clearly a summer themed vlog, they were on a yacht, we saw their naked backs, thanks to Jimin, basically it screamed SUMMER

AUTUMN EQUINOX - SEPTEMBER 23 2024: JEJU VLOG ??

This was part of Tae’s Chuseok post, which as we know is a fall korean celebration so yeah, basically it screamed AUTUMN

WINTER SOLSTICE - DECEMBER 20/21 2024: SAPPORO VLOG

For those who don’t know Sapporo is known for it’s snow before the beer 🤡. It holds an annual winter festival which unfortunately the boys were too early for but …, so basically is screamed WINTER

SPRING EQUINOX - MARCH 21 2025: BUSAN VLOG ????

I got nothing for you y’all 😬😬😬, I’ve never been to Busan and once again other than being their birthplace, I couldn’t tell you if there’s anything related to Spring in Busan, but who knows, it might be a … beautiful place to visit in SPRING???

As you can see, the Solstices are rather certain, but the Equinox are hella shaky. YET if you think about it, what would be happening SUMMER SOLSTICE 2025? 

ALL THE TANNIES WOULD BE BACK HOME.

… And there you have it.

Now obviously this is all baseless theories, as we have been left to go off on nothing 🤡 and for all we knows they could drop it ALL TOMORROW 🤡 or even make it a weekly thing in May 2025 before they get back to us 🤡.WHO KNOWS RIGHT? THE POSSIBILITIES STILL REMAIN ENDLESS I’m afraid,

If you ask me however, If they did anything other than what I just rambled on, they’d miss out on making this a very instructive and seasonal thing 🙄😒 … BUT, again, THAT’S JUST ME.

Anyways, time to leave DeluluLand y’all, before the wrong people, or worse it’s inhabitants, find us!

Always respectfully yours 💜🫰🏾

Marengo.

[jellyfishvibes]

Khdr Keyblade thoughts So, as we know, dr characters are based on norse gods and i'm assume they keyblade they all wield is like starlight in that its a training keyblade that is a keychain given and not 'their' keyblade so based on said norse mythology dr character keyblade names/ideas

Odin - Odins named weapon is Gungnir, a spear that had runes carved into its tip, made by dwarves known as the Sons of Ivaldi

Xehanort - This man is not norse Eraqus - Neither is this guy

Hermod - Hermod has very little about him in the mythology that i found, he is a messenger and rides down to Hel and back to try and revive Baldr? He is given two rings a cloak to give to other people on that trip? got a theme of 9 going on with ring for 9 days to get to Hel and being given a ring that duplicates itself every 9 days making 8 new identical copies of itself, idk not alot here

Urd - One of the three Norns, specifically the one of the past, i would love to see a matching keyblade trio for these three (Skuld being the future and the one of the present usually being anglicized as Verdandi, and i don't think she has appeared yet) Strings of fate and weaving themes are big for all three along with the world tree Yggdrasil, but Urd specifically has a big connection to the well they water the tree with and live near, as its called the Well of Urd

Vor - From my quick research she might be the same as a valkyrie Geiravor who wields a spear but also has the winged horse imagery you could draw on, also i have found her name might mean oath and has associations with oaths and contracts, so something similar to oathkeeper maybe? something like Oathbreaker?

Bragi - (you know, before the plot happened) Is the god of poetry and also possibly music? also he has a rune on his tongue? he is characterized as the court poet of the aesir and something poetry based would fit, maybe in the form of a kenning as there is a dialogue where he explains them, you could also pull from the blood of Kvasir which is said to be the 'mead of poetry', also a great place to put a poetic irony name

Baldr - A Vala predicts his death, Vali's birth and the killing of Hoder and Frigg crying as a result, He has bad dreams and Odin goes to Hel to talk to a Vala about it, he forces her tell him who kills Baldr, who will avenge him and who will weep for him, He is given Draupnir (The ring that duplicates) on his funeral pire and Odin whispered something in his ear before hes pushed out to sea, a majority of him in the mythology is just about that one time he died, the easy target is something mistletoe themed but i am leaning more towards the 'everyone needed to weep to bring him back' theming, maybe with the 9 rings idk, the only name ideas i have are something along the lines of whispers or secrets to allude to the Odin secret thing, Murmured Mystery or something like that? (Fun fact his heartless is called Hringhorn, which is the name of Baldrs ship in mythology, making the final boss turns into a boat theme in Xehanorts life originate from Baldr)

Heimdall - Gjallarhorn is the horn that heralds the beginning of ragnarok and Gulltoppr is his golden mained horse, He is the protector of the Bifrost and has foresight and keen senses, notably his eyesight and hearing, there is a theory that Gjallarhorn could be translated as 'horn of the river Gjoll' a river that seperates the living and the dead, and also that the poem telling of where the horn is my not be referring to it but to Heimdall's hearing which may mean there could be a mirror between him and Odin, as Odin leaves his eye in Mimir's well for knowledge, Heimdall may have left his ear there, he is ripe for a foresight-didn't see his death coming poetic irony name and beyond that the god is very associated with gold so probably a good aspect to design with

Helgi - Helgi is a hero in mythology who falls in love with and marrys a valkyrie, Sigrun, due to slaying Hunding he gets the moniker 'Hunding's bane', he is killed by Sigrun's brother and there is a story after his death where he appears one night ontop of his burial mound to Sigrun, His hair covered with frost, his body covered with blood and his hands are wet, which he explains are becuase of all the tears she has shed for him, they spend the night together and he has to leave in the morning, she spend the rest of her life waiting for him again, which i latch onto cause a frost themed weapon for him would be a really cool contrast to his very classic norse hero design, also more easy valkyrie imagery to pull from aswell, having some thematic kind of match between his and Sigurn's keyblades would be cool

Hoder - The blind god who accidentally killed Baldr with something made of mistletoe (its said Loki made the mistletoe int a spear but Hoder shoots it like is an arrow so???), so also easy mistltoe imagery, he is also killed by Vali to avenge Baldr, depending on the version Hoder is either completely innocent and tricked into it by Loki or much less innocent and more active in the murder, one of the lines of translated poetry i latched onto was His hands he washed not, his hair he combed not, Till he bore to the bale-blaze Baldr's foe. A keyblade name along the lines of blood on hands/unable to wash away the sin would fit kh Hoder, or even a subversion of Destiny's Embrace, as she is kinda stuck in the fate of both her and her brothers death but goes along with it (she swung first) something like Cradle of Fate, or Destiny's Grasp, something that leans a little more negative (*Hoder and Kairi parallels in here about being tangled in fate and have destinys entwined with death, The Kai in Kairi means death after all)

Sigrun - Sigrun is a Valkyrie, she first meets Helgi when leading 9 other Valkyrie, his story happens, her brother tells him of what he did to Helgi and she curses him, forcing him to live in the woods and survive of carrion and she dies early of sadness and is reborn again as a Valkyrie, Her name aslo apparently means Victory Rune, valkyrie imagery? idk there isnt alot here, probably something matching Helgi tho (Its cute that in the like 1 cutscene we have of her and Helgi they pair up without words and seem to be besties/ always standing near each other)

Vala - A Vala was a norse woman with the ability to fortell the future and perform sorcery, often translated as "seeress", "prophetess", "staff bearer", "wise woman" and "sorceress", and the staff bearer in that group intrigues me, they are often connected to Freyja, thers not alot of stuff to work with beyond magic themeing unless you'd pice a specific Vala

Vali - Vali was a son of Odin and Baldrs brother, after Baldrs death he was born and grew to become an adult in one day to avenge him by killing Hoder and binding Loki in the entrails of his son, hes the god of flight and to symbolize this he has a cloak made of raven feathers that when raised looks like wings, very omen of death he is, theres not very much more about him beyond his role in the story of Baldrs death, this line Then did Váli | slaughter bonds twist Makes me think a name along the lines of Bond Breaker or Twist of Bonds might fit (i will note that hes the one who warns the group Hoder has disappeared, leading to Sigurn's, Helgi's and Heimdall's deaths by malificents hands)

Vidar - A god associated with vengance, he is fated in ragnarok to kill Fenrir to avenge his fathers, Odin's, death, he has the moniker "The Silent God" and it is mentioned that he is as powerful as Thor and that he has thick shoes? called 'the possessor of the iron shoe' which might be in reference to the description of him killing Fenrir putting emphisis on him using his foot to hold the dogs lower jaw open, fenrir is already a keyblade in the series and making his keyblade a match for it might be fun, Iron Soul or something along those lines might be a good name for it, i would fully lean into the shoe sole-soul pun for a name, and making a silver blade to Helgi's gold might parallel the kingdom key/kingdom key d duo, idk why they would parallel but like thats where my mind immedately goes (its interesting that both Vali and Vidar are fated to survive ragnarok and are in the group that survive malifcents attack, and the four in the attack are fated to die in mythology, Hoder obviously, Heimdall to Loki in ragnarok and Sigurn and Helgi both in their story, and possibly ragnarok cause i think the valkyrie and warriors of valhalla both fight in it)

[ohmerricat]

now that i’ve deferred because a uni degree is nothing but an entrance ticket into moderate financial security and not worth utterly obliterating my mental health over i am compiling my own curriculum. all the posts i’ve ever tagged with #ref because they contain essays articles and other texts that i want to read but have never gotten around to, all that goes on the list. around fifty academic articles and book chapters downloaded onto my laptop from jstor while i still have access to it, tailored to fit my personal interests.

rearranging my self-education. little mx autodidact. carving out a passage through the brambles with a freshly sharpened machete. make no mistake, the thorns are piercing and will continue to tear at my exposed limbs, but the pain is worth the fruits of knowledge at the end, real knowledge and not something superimposed from above. i know, i know, undergrads aren’t afforded that freedom of narrowing our study, it’s something earned with time and effort and only fully permitted at a “higher” level of education, but who determines these levels?

it sounds silly and rash, but it’s a long-deliberated decision. the university environment is not right for my weird brain despite my literary inclinations, and i prefer to select my own path towards learning while working a low paying job on the side. perhaps i’ll return in a year’s time after all, matured and mellowed, hardened or roughened with real-life experience and online self-teaching, to pursue liberal arts as the most, well, liberated pathway. maybe not.

maybe if i had gone to one of those colleges where they allow you to pick and choose your own modules for your degree entirely (like one of the people that i most admire on this website did in its time) things would have gone down differently, but alas. let the world keep turning and let everything that serves no purpose any longer decompose and compost into something new .

“what has this got to do with autism?” you may ask, “i’m autistic and i completed a normal bachelors’ degree just fine.” your answer: having been in a place of moderate autistic burnout for years that abruptly turned severe in the past few months, my bodymind has shifted into what is known rather disparagingly under the medical model as “autistic regression” or “regressive autism”: a gradual distancing further and further away from accepted neurotypical standards of moving through and navigating the world around me.

one of the ways in which this unmasking presents itself, apart from the more noticeable characteristics such as outwardly visible stimming and a complete absence of eye contact, is a total inability to focus on, be motivated by and/or engage in any (textual, literary, cinematic etc etc) materials that do not connect at least tangentially or superficially with my special interests (that being ghosts/hauntings, hauntology, folk horror, lovecraftiana/cosmic horror, horror in general, the gothic, neurodiversity, alternative music; narratives/storytelling, folklore/fairytales; queer theory; carceral abolition and liberation; and a few other subjects here unlisted). according to normative capitalist logic of usefulness and productivity, that makes me “severely disabled” by virtue of “restricted interests”. i would say it makes me a interesting person with tall twisted tales to tell, but nevermind that silly nonsense, it’s a mad person speaking.

at this present moment i have no motivation, wish nor desire to continue wasting time and energy attempting to study and remember things that do not connect with the key concepts that my mind is constantly orbiting around. if that makes me incurious or annoying or limited, so be it — this neurological difference affects every aspect of my personality and i do not wish to change it. if the world around us refuses to change, we must either alter it ourselves or construct our own pathways out of the shadows and into the moonlit garden.

[leeknowsintrusivethots]

Marked By Him

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 |

Pairings: Vampire!Lee Know/OC

Summary: Vampyres dominate the entertainment world with their otherworldly beauty and talent. It's a world you must be born into, but a few lucky ones are Marked. Stripped from her home and everything she knows, Minji's Marking means that she has to rely on the Devil himself, Lee Minho, to be her mentor. He's cute and sweet to the public, but behind closed doors the monster comes out to play.

Content: Angst, Slow burn, lotsa plot, eventual smut, vampires, dark themes, original characters, first person perspective, general 18+ content, alternate idol universe, asshole Lee Know, surprise love triangle, discussion of blood, discussions of death, discussion of illness, discussion and debate of fictional religions,

WC: 3848

Minors do not interact. Do not repost my content to other websites, this includes translations.

Notes: Random fun fact: fruit flies live an average of two months and I am prone to exaggeration.

Uncertainty. 

Dread. 

Abject horror. 

All of these could describe my feelings as my third meeting with Minho loomed near. I went through the motions: dance practice every night along with vocal lessons and days spent at the dorms with Maeri and Yoojin. The adjustment was hard, sometimes brutal, but I was coping the best I could.

Learning and absorbing information had always come easy to me, but dancing and singing were more physical than technical. Reading up on music theory and proper technique could only take you so far, and I was miles behind the other trainees in terms of skill and ability. Thankfully, Maeri was always happy to coach me through difficult dance moves and concepts while Yoojin politely helped me not sound like a dying animal in our vocal sessions. The vocal instructor still visibly cringed whenever I sang and I still tripped over my own feet during dance practice but it had only been two days. I was hoping progress would happen in time. 

During the wee hours of the morning when the dorm was silent, I studied 'Marked.' I quietly read by the light of a dim book lamp so as not to disturb my sleeping roommates, and I soaked in the knowledge like a sponge and took notes in my notebook like I was back in highschool all over again. I had already decided I couldn't rely on Minho to be my guide into Vampyrism, so the book was all I had and I intended to use it. 

Chapter Two was a detailed account of the earliest known history of Vampyres, and I found myself absorbed. It covered a lot of events that were not readily available public knowledge, including the First Coven: a group of ancient Egyptian Vampyres that banded together to create the first official Vampyric governing body. The First Coven would grow and shift over the years into the High Vampyre Association that was prominent in the modern day. Most of the Association could trace their ancestry back to the founders of the First Coven and a lot of the core ideology was still present even if adapted for the current times. 

There were ups and downs over the centuries as the First Coven grew in influence and power, spreading well across the world and overtaking smaller covens as they went. It was filled with battles of politics and principles. At times, it was bloody as beliefs grew and changed and opposition rose to contest the power structure. The First Coven always reigned victorious even as the humans around them were ignorant to the Vampyres they shared the world with and the battles raging right under their noses. 

I devoured the stories, the concepts of liberation from the darkness and cooperation with humans very much present in all of them. It was fascinating and far more than was shared with the general population. I was so intrigued that by the night of my next meeting with Minho, I had read well past my assigned chapter. 

Time management had never been my strong suit and I realized with a start as I glanced up from the pages of the book that it was just a couple of hours till sunset. I hadn't slept but my new world was set to wake up the second the sky turned orange and the sun sank into the horizon. Being a creature of the night was a hard adjustment when you had spent a lifetime in the sun and my sleeping patterns had been torn up and tossed into the trash along with my humanity. My week as a trainee had seen me living off caffeine and cat naps in-between practices and it seemed as if the upcoming night would be no different. 

I glanced away from the clock and back to the book in my hand wistfully. The upcoming chapter would cover the medieval period from the perspective of Vampyres and I was excited to get into it. The time period was a favorite of mine, and I knew it would be even more entertaining through the lens of a Vampyre. From what I recalled of my limited Vampyre history, it was also the time where Marks were first made known to the Coven. They (we?) we're unknown until the Tudor Era of Europe. 

Despite my interest, I forced myself to close the book and set it on my nightstand. I settled back into the sheets of my bed and closed my eyes. I would only get a few hours of rest, but it would be much needed when it came the physical torture that was dance practice and the emotional thriller that was Lee Minho. 

It felt like the second my eyes closed, I was being shaken by a hurried hand. My eyes cracked open groggily to find Maeri's smiling face. Her hair was already styled straight and hanging loose around her chin. She was dressed and ready for practice. 

"Get up, Nerd. We leave in twenty," she informed me perkily. 

My body protested as I got out of the haven that was my bed. I got dressed hurriedly, throwing on a pair of sweats and an oversized band shirt over my sports bra. Too tired to bother with hair, I pulled the messy mop into a tie on top of my head. It took all of a few minutes and when I was done I headed to join Yoojin and Maeri in the common room. 

Our dorm contained multiple rooms, and we shared our common area with other trainees. They milled about, also getting ready for the day while awaiting their own transportation to reach their schedules. I hadn't interacted with them much but it wasn't really of my own choosing. I was a bug waiting to be squished or a novelty with no in-between and even living with them had not changed that mindset if the brief glares thrown in my direction were any indication. I ignored the looks as I had been doing so since my arrival and focused on my roommates. 

"Are you… ready?" Maeri asked as she looked at me with a curious confusion evident in her features. 

"Yes?" I answered back with a question. My body was up and moving, but my brain hadn't fully accepted that it needed to wake up as well. I glanced down at my choice of clothing, thinking maybe I had managed to put my pants on inside out in my sleepy haste. 

"You have your meeting with Minho today, right?" Maeri prodded. At the mention of my mentor, my brain woke up enough for the dread to seep back in. Our last meetings had erred on the short side, and I hoped that the upcoming one would as well if only for the sake of my sanity. 

"Yes," I answered after a moment's hesitation. "I have my books in my bag. I-"

"At least wear a cuter top, and brush your hair," Maeri interrupted in exasperation. 

"Put more delicately, she's implying you might want to put in an effort to look presentable for your meeting," Yoojin took over before things got out of hand. She had a tendency to do that. Even her voice alone seemed to calm those around her. 

"Why on Earth would I want to do that? It's not a date," I argued back, giving Maeri a withering side eye in the process. 

"No…" Maeri said in a singsong voice. She was smiling at me now, the cuteness washing away my irritation just as quickly as she caused it. "But I've seen some of the things you brought from home. Including photocards, stickers stuck to your laptop, and blah blah blah. Fairly certain I even saw a poster you haven't unpacked yet. You're a fangirl and no proper fangirl would waste such an opportunity. I wouldn't if I had the prospect of regular meetings with BamBam."

"A friend gave all that to me," I tried to deny. I really didn't want to get into the argument of how he was so much different in person than the image of him I thought I had known, and I definitely didn't want to get into how I still found him to be disgustingly beautiful despite his dual personality. 

"Sure," Maeri tsked. 

"It's true! I'm much more of a Bangchan kind of girl," I argued halfheartedly. 

"Regardless, Minho is an idol - a fairly prominent one. It would do you well to leave a good impression," Yoojin said with an air to her voice that strangely reminded me of my mother when she was giving me life advice. At the comparison, my arguments melted and my shoulders sunk. I turned without another word and went back to our shared room to change and primp. 

I quickly brushed my hair and pulled it back up into a ponytail. I let my bangs hang loose with the shorter fringe that framed my face. It was still messy, but with intent and style this time around. The band shirt I switched out for a nicer more form fitting one. In a small effort to feign nonchalance, I picked an old GOT7 shirt with Jackson Wang's face displayed front and center. I contemplated changing out my tried and true baggy sweatpants for shorts but thought better of it. Clothes could be armor, and I needed all the armor I could get when handling Lee Minho. 

To make my lovely roommates happy, I also swiped on a bit of concealer in key spots and put on a layer of mascara. To complete my low effort look, I topped it off with a small amount of clear bubblegum scented lip gloss. I wouldn't be walking a runway anytime soon, but at least I looked more humanoid than before. 

I headed back out to Maeri and Yoojin to present my efforts and get on with the day. At my reappearance, I could have sworn Maeri's eye twitched but she held her tongue. Yoojin gave a soft smile with a small shake of her head. 

"Remind me to take you shopping for some proper workout clothes," she said, not unkindly. Coming from other people, I might have taken her offer as an insult but I had quickly learned Yoojin was simply the type to care for people. She had an almost motherly aura which was mildly strange for a young Vampyre but it was still comforting. 

"As long as that offer comes with food, I am game," I agreed cheekily. 

"If food is involved, I am inviting myself along. Besides, Minji needs all the help she can get," Maeri chimed in. 

"You're ganna need help in a-" my threat was cut off by the timely intervention of Yoojin. 

"The car is here. Make sure to bring your bags," she instructed the both of us. Like good kids, we put the bickering aside and followed our unofficial leader after gathering all of our things.

The drive from the dorms was a short one. Yoojin stuck to her phone during the trip while Maeri and I continued our bickering. She only intervened when she thought it necessary so we were left to our argument about whether to get cream cheese or crab rangoons with our lunch. 

As we pulled up to the building that housed JYP Entertainment, Yoojin finally interrupted, "Why can't you guys just order both?"

"It's the principle-" Maeri and I started at exactly the same time. At our in sync answer, we all broke out into a chorus of hearty laughs. 

"You two are far too much alike," Yoojin said in-between bouts of musical laughter. Both Maeri and I reared up to rebuke the notion before the scene in front of our company's building caught our attention. 

It was 8:00pm on a hot summer night in Korea and the sun had set a couple of hours ago. Of course, in Seoul, the city never slept. Copious amounts of streetlights illuminated the street and walkways and an indistinct black van was pulled up to the curb directly in front of the car that had dropped us off. It would have been entirely unremarkable if it were not for the man that was climbing out of the backdoor to the awaiting security escort. 

Christopher Bang, also known as Bang Chan, could unintentionally make getting out of a car look like an ad for a high end fashion brand. He was dressed casually, jeans and a t-shirt, but he looked so good and confident that you would think he was wearing the latest runway looks. He smiled politely, dimples and all, to the security escort before turning his attention back to the van. Following him came the rest of the members of Stray Kids in all of their glory and I felt my heart rate increasing to hospitalization levels.

My stance on a higher power was variable on any given day, but looking at each of the members in turn had me praising whatever act of nature had led to the creation of these men. They were all so beautiful that I wouldn't even question it if someone told me it was an act of divine intervention. I found myself thinking of the teachings of the Church of Light. They didn't hide their anti-Vampyre sentiment and they claimed Vampyres were a blight upon man - a creation of an evil being sent to punish humanity for its sins. In their twisted world view, Vampyres were pure malignance with beautiful faces that would lure you to the darkest pits of hell. They would seduce and charm until the Light of your soul was extinguished and you were left a Husk of your former self. 

It was all bullshit, of course.

The scientific community from all across the world had been pushing back against the ideology that Vampirism had anything to do with the mythological creatures of lore. It was simply the mutation, and that was that. I knew that just as well as most open minded younger people did, but looking at the faces of one of the most prominent active male Kpop groups made me curious. If it simply was an act of nature and science, our reality was incredibly unfair and a very rare few took home all of the aesthetics and talent. 

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice it until Maeri gave me a casual but mildly frantic elbow to the gut. It was becoming a trend with the two of us, apparently. I forced myself back to reality and realized with a start that the men in question were staring back. All eight pairs of eyes were trained in our direction, including the infuriatingly cold pair that belonged to Lee Minho. His held mine in a battle, but I wasn't even sure what we were fighting for. 

Yoojin, our most level-headed elder, smiled a coolly polite smile at the guys and herded me and Maeri to the doors. I could tell Maeri was chomping at the bit to crack a joke about me being ‘starstruck.’ It irritated me but what got to me even more was that she was right. It was a cliche right out of a badly written novel, but I was an ordinary girl who had something extraordinary happen to her. My only claim to fame or fortune was winning a few won from coming in second at a vocabulary competition in primary school. I was certainly not accustomed to rubbing shoulders or even being in the same location as the rich and the famous. 

In the life span of a fruitfly, I had gone from undecided incoming university sophomore to Marked Trainee. I could train for a lifetime and never be able to measure up to the world I was thrown into. I could debut and make millions, but it would still never change my background. I would realistically never reach the level of Lee Minho and his ilk. I knew that, but it didn't stop a fire that had begun to burn in my gut the moment I had first shared a space with him. 

I had started off life just like any other Jane Doe in the world, but the opportunity for a new destination was being handed to me on a silver platter. If I let it pass by and cowered behind an inferiority complex, I would wake up at sixty in my average house with my average husband to have lunch at an average restaurant with my average kids. I would collect my average pension from whatever run of the mill job I landed at with nothing but regret and resentment eating me alive. I knew myself well enough to know that I could never live with the knowledge that I had wasted an opportunity of a lifetime, but there was something more. 

I was a petty bitch, and I would never let Lee Minho and his demeaning stares and smirks win. 

I was already planning to thank him for pushing me to succeed when I accepted my first industry award. 

_______________________________________

“Minji!” My name being yelled across the practice room had the momentum of the dance moves I had been practicing come to an abrupt halt and my feet entwining under me and my face approaching the ground at lightning speed. I could see the scuff marks from tennis shoes getting closer and closer and yet I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I was lightheaded and had even reached a point of exhaustion where the muscle pain was simply no longer present. I had become a husk simply following the laws of physics. 

“Minji.” This was a different voice. It was almost serene, soothing. I tried with all the wits left in me to locate the sound, but I couldn’t. Everything was dark. 

“Minji! Wake up right this second, or I will call 119 and ensure this lives in your head forever as one of the most traumatic and embarrassing moments of your life.” This voice was more insistent, and prodding. I could hear a whine in it. The words were humorous, but veering into pure panic. 

“Should we call?” Another voice.

“Who do we call? She’s Marked. Human services or the Vampyric ones?” It was yet another one. 

“Please, back up and give her some space.” The calming voice commanded the others. “Ms. Jung, our roommate passed out due to exhaustion and overexertion. She should really have more fitness training before joining us in the more intensive dance lessons.”

Ms. Jung? A surge of annoyance took root in my fuzzy brain. I didn’t like that name for some reason. It took a second for the wheels to turn back into place and start properly spinning in my mind. Ms. Jung was the dance instructor. I had been dancing and then suddenly I wasn’t. I had been at practice with my roommates and the rest of the trainees on our schedule. That thought had my eyes flying open immediately to take stock of the damage. The other trainees were not my fans - that was a certainty. If my resolve to use this opportunity was to be effective, I could show them no weakness. 

Despite the renewed determination in my brain, my body was slow to agree. My vision was blurry, making everyone surrounding me appear to have hazy edges of color enveloping them. Their faces blurred together, but the number of them had panic setting in. I was already a zoo exhibit thanks to the Mark on my forehead, but I had become the newest addition to the local freak show. I was sprawled out pathetically on the hard floor of the practice room for all to witness.

“She’s awake?” One of the unfamiliar voices stated dumbly. It wasn’t an exclamation of relief or excitement. It was like asking a passerby if it was going to rain on any given day - mundane and only mildly interested. 

“Thank goodness!” The insistent voice breathed out. The haziness of my vision was fading enough for me to make out the relieved looking face of Maeri. She had leaned in closer to examine me so her face was right in front of mine. 

“Maeri,” I croaked with a scratch in my throat.

“Yes?” She questioned quickly. “Do you need water? Some Tylenol? I can get it for you.”

“You’re too close, you brat,” I replied halfheartedly. 

“I think she’s fine,” she informed the others with a quick chuckle as she backed away to give me room to breathe. I realized too late that it would have been better for my emotional health had she stayed where she was. Everyone in the room - fifteen young and primarily Vampyric trainees - were staring at me. I felt my face heat up and my insides burn with embarrassment. 119 was certainly not needed for this experience to rank high on my list of most humiliating moments in my life.

“I think you should take a break from dance practices for a while,” Ms. Jung butted into my mortification. “We have a company gym in the building. Use the time in your schedule to improve your endurance.”

I saw and felt the withering look that Yoojin shot at her. I had been delirious, but I remembered bits of the conversation that surrounded me before. She was taking credit for Yoojin’s suggestion. I knew Yoojin likely had my health and wellbeing in mind, but Ms. Jung appeared to simply be saving face in front of her audience of trainees.

“Ms. Jung is right,” Yoojin said with a charming smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “We certainly don’t want you dying of exhaustion on her watch.”

“Of course not. Your well being is of utmost importance,” Ms. Jung agreed eagerly. 

Yoojin never lost her smile and our instructor beamed back at her like the entire exchange wasn’t one of the strangest things I had ever witnessed in my life. It was eerily reminiscent of my quiet battle of wills with Lee Minho, only this was basically a student battling with their teacher and the subject of the battle was not pride but the safety of the students - of me in particular. 

A chill went up my spine and the fine hairs on my arms stood up like danger was imminent. His voice was in my head. His questions teased me, making fear spread its toxic wings from my heart to my mind. 

"Do you know of any active groups with a Mark as a member? Have you seen news of any Marks debuting? Switching companies? Getting kicked from their programs?"

Surely, I was being irrational. There was no way that I was in any danger. There was no way that the entire industry had some secret vendetta against Marks. It was ludicrous and I must have still been a bit loopy from fainting. The outline on my forehead was simply a product of genetics and not the design of some odd conspiracy. 

“It’s a target, and you will be surrounded by predators.”

Even when he wasn’t near, Lee Minho was filling my head with doubts.

[scamallach-1]

It’s taken me well over 15 years but I’ve found that, thru spending a decade trying to figure out + be accepting/understanding of my learning disabilities, and thru the last year or so trying to learn about things and concepts and subjects I’ve never known, trying to read more even when it’s hard, trying to expand the breadth of my patience - all of this has helped me reignite the passion in me for learning and as well see results in being able to actually focus better and retain information and even expand my knowledge at faster speeds than ever before. My fervor to understand something, and to make time to figuring something out, even if it takes days, even if it takes months, is being honed.

My school and teachers and parents all had me utterly convinced that I was just “lazy, incapable, underdeveloped” when really, I have actual learning disabilities that have their own ways of navigating education/life in general. When I am able to honor my disabilities for what they are and give them what they require to understand and comprehend information, without shame (that’s the hardest part still because I was absolutely traumatized and abused by teachers and parents specifically for my learning disability k-12, teaching me now requires a lot of patience and specific understanding because I’m still such a raw nerve), I am finally, finally, finally able to find success for myself in the things I’ve endeavored to try to learn!

I saw this commenter on a Reddit discussion about learning to play guitar with learning disability and, holy hell, they explained my entire issue with educators in my life experience in just a few sentences (they teach music/theory to autistic and adhd students!) I swear I almost fell in love while reading this I’m like, where have u been all my life lmao:

And yesterday I was reading an article about a guitarist with dyspraxia and it was so refreshing (and relieving) to know one could still be a guitarist when one accommodates and fully accepts the characteristics of the disability they have to work with. He explained my experience perfectly and so now I feel less ‘doomed’ knowing there are indeed other musicians out there who aren’t forced to give up due to fine motor skill disabilities!

I only wish there were more teachers specifically for people like us. Would have saved me years of damaging abuse and internalized ableism. Half my life I’ve dealt with that. Well, no more!!!

[gk-jk-music]

As someone who has very limited knowledge in the field of music technology, most of what I know comes from watching producers I'm a fan of explaining their works and their process. In other ways, I've observed those working on the same small games I am create songs in FL Studio, though not understanding exactly what they were doing to produce the sounds they were. I've only ever watched a composer widely known in the rhythm game industry, Cametek also known as Camellia, explain the many layers that go into one of his works, a remix of "MEGALOVANIA" from the game Undertale. The range of sounds you could make within one program fascinated me, as you could in theory create songs of all different genres, synthetically recreate instruments like drum and piano, and mix your own sounds from something as simple as tapping against a glass cup. The question now is, how do these producers come up with these songs and put all the different elements together to create something cohesive?

Many smaller producers I've interacted with all say they "play around with the program until it sounds right" but surely that isn't everything there is to it. Having an understanding of music theory and prior experience with the programs would help out immensely and give you a general sense of direction beforehand. Like adjusting to a new drawing program, as in my experience, everything requires a time period of adjusting to the program's settings, how it functions, where to locate key features, and so on. From chiptune to EDM and even vocal synthesizers like VOCALOID and UTAU, in the eyes of a complete beginner the programs are a bit overwhelming.

[unsent-emails]

Dear Them,

Hey. Lunch today was really fun. Even though you were studying for that physics exam tomorrow and I was labouring over my geometry homework, just being in your presence and asking the occasional question was so freeing. Being with someone without the expectation of chit-chatting was amazing.

Seeing you in the hallways lights up my day. I get to brag about my cool senior best friend to all my freshman friends, and they're always dazzled watching me walk through the hallways, talking to a senior. When you see me in the hallway and your face lights up and you wave, my spirits lift immediately. I feel cool, watching the expressions of the people who've bullied me since sixth grade immediately switch to reverence, cause I'm walking with a senior. I dunno. I may be cracking it up to be a hella lot more than it actually is, but I feel cool. Because you're cool.

About what we talked about last night: I know I said we'd talk about it today, but in lunch we were both busy, so I didn't get to it. But believe me: You are smart. Like, super. Even if you're not a straight-A student, even if you're not great at sightreading, even if you struggle with clarinet (which, by the way, is a SUPER hard instrument!!!), you're brilliant. You're making an effort to learn about something that you have basically zero knowledge about, and up till this thursday, will not have had ANY lessons or tutoring about. You listen to the people around you and care what they have to say. You make sure to spread your studies out, like taking physics and studying art, or studying music and taking AP creative journalism. You're not just brilliant, you're so incredibly talented that I don't even know the words to describe it.

Speaking of physics, I felt really special when you asked for my help with your physics homework. I know I'm well-known in the band to be really good with math and science, but for you to ask me about something most people in our city don't take until college? To ask me, a freshman, about it? It had me kicking my feet and giggling. I told ------ about it. She says hi.

I'm sad I won't be eating with you tomorrow. I won't even be eating with ----, but I really have to practice. ___ is on saturday, and I am so not ready.

Anyways, more about how amazing you are, because it's all I know how to talk about. I love love love how you include me in your jokes even when they're centred around your senior friends. I sit right in front of you in music theory, so that may be part of it, but I always feel included when I'm around you. I've only felt like I'm annoying you, like, three times ever, and I've known you since the summer before my 7th grade. Thats a really long time. It's like how ----- has ----------- me 4 times since I've known him, and I've known him since covid. (Plus knowing his family through ---- and --------, but that doesn't really count.)

I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I do have to practice, though, so I'll TTYL.

------

[casluvscas]

casluvscas: WHO ARE THEY?

We've all seen the Tumblr User going by the name 'casluvscas', but there's not much known about the said person. Perhaps it's time to ask some questions and gain some knowledge through this interview.

"Hi! I'm Cas, just a reader trying to look for art and writing scraps in the fandoms I'm in so I have something to fan over. No, I am not a bot !! I just don't have tweet or blog (twt/tmb) or make posts (ig) so I can see why you'd think an account with nothing on it (not even reboots but truth be told I forget I can do that lol) is an automatic account. Don't worry though! A living and breathing person is running this :p

Right, introducing myself. Well, you know my name, so I'll tell you about my interests.

Currently, I'm not actually in that many fandoms, just two (and I guess two more but also not really?) which are Genshin Impact (GI) and Miraculous Ladybug (MLB)! (The two maybe-maybe-not fandoms are ATLA and well some webtoons but idk if there's actually 'fandoms' for that)

That's out of the way, but I guess I'll share some more. I actually just got into reading webtoons and I've been a fanfic reader since like 2021-2022?? So maybe 1-2 years tops, and I tried writing my own fics but that sucked. I'm really into shoujo manga/Anime but I'm also just starting to get into that lmao (I'm just starting to have a hobby) and I really like horror movies!

I love listening to music, and I know it seems very 'tik-tok music' to listen to Laufey (at least to some) but I've been a laufey lover since 2020-2021 soo... I also really like jazz and classical music like Chopin and Mozart!

I do not have the skills to draw, I love color theory because it's so cool to see how things change in perspective and lighting and making the same color look like 3 totally different colors (even though half the time I can't make heads or tails about anything (another thing I just got into lol))

That's all about me I can think of from the top of my head. Oh, and I'm Filipino. I also seem to really like blondies. So, uh, yeah, that's that for 'casluvscas'! Thanks for having me!"

And that is it for today, folks! We've learned quite a lot about Ms. Cas right here, but it feels like that's just the start of her personality, so stay tuned for more news on who casluvscas really is!

Cas Out! ♡

[ai-yo]

With R Kelly and Bill Cosby I could kinda understand.

R Kelly had many hit songs and albums, he was a huge star.

Bill Cosby had this long legacy and opened the doors for many actors

blah blah nostalgia for both fine.

Wtf has Daystar done? I only knew one song because it sampled my favourite song from Brownstone. The shooting news was the first time I was able to put a face to a name and connect the dots.

It's not like he was a Grammy winner with a string of number one singles and albums, sold out tours or the headliner of a festivals.

It's not like he had a huge mainstream audience and it's accurate to say that, even if you were a fan or for some reason still are. There are many musical artists that are not well known to most people but are a big deal to you and your circle.

So when I see people going up for that man in a way I never saw them do before it is disgusting. This shit has raised his profile.

Because YouTube is a bitch, I am being recommended conspiracy theories with thumbnails saying "Tory Lanez was gonna expose the music industry that why they really locked him up" because there was an old interview of him talking about how artists get little money from their music being streamed.

Um bitch this shit is common knowledge, everybody knows this. The info is a quick search away.

Crissle from The Read jokes about this all the time. Wasn't Tidal created because of this?

Fuck, Lisa Lefteye Lopes talked about how the recording industry fucks over artists in the early 00s

What next Tory Lanez was gonna buy NBC? Fuck off.

[efflgnc]

BLUE

Everything was dark; I had no dreams and no possibilities of survival. I felt as though the days would never end and I could never overcome the darkness.

My scars were hurting more than I could ever expect, but it was the only way I found to release everything within me amidst the disasters and chaos. In fact, the night I felt it, like fire in my veins, was the most peaceful night ever. I was able to stop thinking about the mess, like a tree growing in a stairway to reach God in the vast blue skies.

Nothing has ever been welcome in my life. I've been told I have the most beautiful eyes, like my grandma, but the saddest ones. That I have the best smile. Both things made me feel something that I am not. The joy of happiness has always eluded me. Within the cracks of my soul, I've been hiding the true reason for my state of mind, this darkness.

How can the soul and mind belong together when the physical and psychological states can't exist without being separate from each other? I'm still searching for the answer, but the truth is that I am able to control my soul through the sadness my mind feels. It's the cool, the blue. I can stop feeling happy and embrace my sadness.

Do you know why?

Happiness is like a butterfly; when you touch it, you will never fly again.

But sadness is always loyal to the place it belongs. It falls like water into a depression in the terrain. Thoughts fall into your soul like tears on your lips. The real taste of life. I love being able to control it, to know it, to make it fun.

It's easy to misunderstand what I say. I do my best to express what I can't explain. And throughout my life, I've been rewarded with reason through my actions. Truth and reality have always been by my side. I wasn't wrong when I was known as a depressive unfortunate. I do not possess true knowledge, the real state of things, but I have never lied.

[…]

Most of the time, I feel blue.

But an illusion came into my life. She made me stop feeling like a cool, blue, sad guy. I wasn't feeling down anymore. And all the theories I built about survival since I was a child seemed to crumble.

But that was just temporary.

She left, just as I advised her, and she left me with no reason to do anything but give up. I will never forget her name, her face, her fire, the things she said. I will never forget the one who claimed to be the love of my life in the most difficult time. But she's gone, and I'm still waiting for her to come back. Because I trust people like me, and I still love her. I love her. I love her, and I love her...

My scars, my writings. My music, my soul.

My sadness.

Happiness was gone, but my sadness remained with me. It never left.

Have you ever fallen apart and tried to stand up with the hope of a new era in your life? Have you ever loved someone with a genuine and sane feeling? Have you ever touched your vices with hands cleansed of sins?

No.

Ah... Life is just a temporary stage we must complete, regardless of whether we feel good or not. Just enjoy it. For every million reasons to laugh, there's only one reason to cry.

Life will end, and I'll want to reach heaven and tell you that I used everything you gave me. I will try to get to you soon, with a young soul in a very, very old body.

I don't want to die.

Nobody wants to.

But we have already died.

With the good, we have died.

And with the sad...

We are still alive.

[theneverfadinglands]

The Veils of World, Void, plate tectonics, demons (and maiar) and their forms

This headcanon contain the lore pf both Shadowhunter world and Tolkien universe. Below you'll find my headcanon regarding the barriers of the World, which prevent demons from entering. There is in-world explanation provided for the demonic forms and the spaces demons commonly occupy. The headcanon will me most likely expanded upon, minor changes are also possible. Maybe even the development of more than one theory. Note that I plan to expand upon the topic of quantum mechanics and how it may influence demonic forms and spawning. However I am not quantum physicist and as such I am not really qualified for that. I'll try my best in the future.

First of all, I did not intent to write this post as worldbuilding of Arda, as it has not much in common with the plot of Tolkien's works. Yet it is indeed Arda, since in my crossover the Earth and Arda are one and Tolkien's works are long forgotten history of the world. Therefore I'll clutter your dash with my talk of demons, my Tolkienian kindred.

I. Eä, Void, Dark Matter and the Nameless Things

I had been thinking about Eä and the Void recently and how it may tie into our current knowledge of the universe. For example, what is dark matter in Eä? I think there are some possible explanations:

I. Dark Matter is the Void itself. As we know the particles does not interact with normal matter much, they do not clump, which means they do not interact with each other much either. It is therefore possible that Dark matter is the substance in which the Eä is suspended, aka the Void. Otherwise it would mean Eä as a known universe exists in some other space.

II. Dark Matter is a substance that exists not quite in Eä nor in Void, it is a sort of a barrier, a veil if you want. As it was said in Silmarillion, the Valar are bound to Eä and it is completelly separated from the Void. We know that the dark matter interact with normal matter via gravitational force. Gravity is also understoon to be the main driving force of plate tectonics movement.

But this is a fantasy world, where Earth used to be flat! Anything is possible really... so please suspend your disbelief. The truth is dark matter in real world probably influence the orbit of planets in Solar system, but it's influence is small, it is overshadowed by the influence of the other planet's gravity and Sun itself.

Now I have to fit Ainulindalë into this headcanon. I think the entire Music of the Ainur might be a metaphor. For the minds of the Children may not be able to perceive it as anything else and as such it may be called the Music, it is a concept that can be understood. Personally I like the idea that Dark matter itself is the purest substance of the Music.

"Far, far below the deepest delving of the Dwarves, the world is gnawed by nameless things. Even Sauron knows them not. They are older than he. Now I have walked there, but I will bring no report to darken the light of day."

Here is a quote in which Gandalf speaks about the Nameless things he encountered, the Nameless things that are even older than Sauron himself. What are these things? Sauron is a maia, he was born of the mind of Ilúvatar, what is older than a maia?

Obviously, Tolkien had been inspired by the Norwegian mythology. The dragon Nidhogg gnawl at the roots of the Yggdrasil. There he gnawl at the corpses of murderers, adulters and oath-breakers (interesting right?). It is believed that the roots of Yggdrasil may be trapping creatures outside the world. One of the theories therefore might be, that Arda truly has a "root" in some way. I like to think that this root may be a place neither in Eä nor Void.

II. The Nature of Maiar and Demons

Tolkien being a Catholic was very much influenced by this religious views, when he constructed his world. The creation of Eä, fall of Melkor are quite straightforwardly influenced by Christianity. It is then not hard to see similarities between demons and fallen maiar. Melkor as Lucifer (with whom he even share a name in meaning), balrogs as fallen angels along with Sauron. There is of course the age of question, what is Ungoliant? To which I do not have an answer.

Silmarillion; "Thus it came to pass that of the Ainur some abode still with Iluvatar beyond the confines of the World; but others, and among them many of the greatest and most fair, took the leave of Iluvatar and descended into it. But this condition Iluvatar made, or it is the necessity of their love, that their power should thenceforward be contained and bounded in the World, to be within it for ever, until it is complete, so that they are its life and it is theirs. And therefore they are named the Valar, the Powers of the World."

The power of Valar (and Maiar who followed them I assume) is contained within the Eä itself. I think that is why the are able to do their will as they please, they are part of the world, they are very fabric of it. But what about the Nameless things? These older than Sauron? Different ones? Who never chosen to enter Eä until much later and without a permission nor invitation forced themselves upon Earth?

I think the ability to enter Eä and bypass the Veils lay largely on the power of the being. In Tolkien universe spirits possesing dead bodies are normal occurance. I think the lowest of demons are evil spirits which posses dead bodies of animals. The mightier of demons are able to sustain themselves unbodied for a time and maybe even long time, haunting certain places. Then there is a category of demons which are powerful enough to create a bodily form for themselves. These maiar may partialy recall a form from memory and partially use the dead flesh of creatures to shape as they will. Then the higher ranking demons shape their forms out of memory or they may be shaped by the Veils in some way upon entering the world. I think there is entire research field regarding the forms of demons and why they take these forms in Eä. There is also the question, how these demons look like in their homeland.

I think only the mightiest of demons are able to change their form when they enter the World, mostly because sustaining a form must be so hard. They do not belong in Eä, they are not bound to the core of the world, they sustain themselves by the sheer force of will.

Where demons get the energy to sustain themselves? I think this may be rather easy to answer. Human despair and pain. They may feed themselves by human emotions and suffering (mostly, but I think even strong positive emotion can feed a demon). Therefore preffering places with a large population. Countries with some socioeconomical problems, wars.

Thinking about it, the human fear probably directly affect the bodily forms of demons as they would like to appear as something to be feared. At least the lower ones. The demons may also need to feed their physical bodies by normal food as well of course. However, I think there is much variety in the bodies of demons even of the same kind. The number of eyes may be different, skin, thorns, etc., I also think these forms may have some unique valuable magical properties for those inclined to use some dark magical rituals...

III. The Veils of the World

We know that there are a Doors in Mandos that lead beyond the Circles of the World, throught which the dead spirits of men pass. The question is, what keeps Arda separated from Void? There mist be some substance that prevent the Nameless things from entering Arda? Here I am circling back to the first part discussing dark matter.

Since demons (as nameless things and maiar) do enter the Earth in shadowhunter universe from beyond the world. It is also important to note, that there Hell as a place outside the world exists and with its Pandemonium and many realms of Hell, where the princes rule. Many times I have thought about the Void and its realms.

What if the Veils became weakened, eaten away, permitting swarms of demonic creatures from beyond the world to enter Eä? One must wonder about the Dagor Dagorath. The return of Melkor upon Arda, who may be called by many names in many human mythologies.

I should get to the practical point of this. Firstly, I should ask; Do the demons spawn randomly? If so, what if a demon spawn in the middle of ocean? The body of water on the planet Earth is great, it would be so tiring to spawn in the middle of Pacific again and again. Are demons able to enter Eä and choose their location? Obviously they are made of some matter, flesh and bone that disintergate after they are slain. Their forms are ephemeral, held by the will of their spirits as I discussed above.

I think it would be total chaos if demons just appear randomly in someone's backyard in Utah out of blue. I think their ability to manifest in form is heavily influenced by the Veils. As I stated in first part of this headcanon, I imagine the Veils are in at least a part made of dark matter. Dark matter very much influence gravity and what is influnced by gravity? Tectonics.

Therefore, I imagine it may be easier for demons to spawn on the borders of tectonical plates and that the tectonical activity may influence their spawning, along with volcanic activity. It may be easier to enter the world in these places. The picture above is showing the tectonical plates and their borders. I think the type of border also plays a factor, but I am not sure how much. I am also not sure the nephilim themselves would know either.

As was discussed in the second part, the demons feed on human despair and prefer populous locations. The second map shows the population density in 2023. Now if we put the maps together, we get the answer for the question; where are most of the demons? Oceania, India, Eastern side of Africa, Middle East, Southern Europe (explain the rich bestiary of creatures in Greek mythology..).. I think demons would also like China and travel to China because there are so many people. Europe would also be quite popular travel destination if you are a demon on vacation.

This headcanon is in no shape or form complete and will be expaned upon as the ideas come by.. and if I manage to get my net in time to ctach them!

[oglenvs3000w24]

The ideal interpreter job involves much more than I initially thought

My ideal role as an environmental interpreter would be performing tours in a national or provincial park. I love working outdoors and have known that for a while. My favourite summer job was landscaping, and I loved fieldwork when I was given the opportunity to try it. Being able to enjoy being outdoors while working would be the most ideal for me. I enjoy the idea of guiding people along and physically showing them different characteristics of the location. I am also a visual learner in that I like to see things physically. Being able to guide a tour and show people landmarks or unique aspects of a place would be the most compatible method with my personality. It would be amazing to lead tours in a national park somewhere warm. I enjoy the heat, and I think most people would prefer to do a tour in warm rather than cold locations, as most people I know are not huge fans of the snow and cold. 

Having a job as a tour guide in a park would require many skills. As a whole, I need to be an effective communicator to share my knowledge with my group of people. I would also need to be good at reading the group to determine how they learn best and be able to adapt to that. Reading people can involve watching for body language and listening for questions and comments to see where their passions lie. Many factors influence how a person learns, whether that be differences in multiple intelligence or compassionate intelligence (Beck et al., 2018). Someone who learns via linguistic multiple intelligence versus musical would learn differently, and I would have to adjust accordingly. If someone learns via linguistics it would be beneficial to include storytelling in the story whereas musicals may benefit from a song or pointing out sounds such as bird calls (Beck et al., 2018). It would be important to be able to use many learning domains to effectively convey my message and have the most people benefit and learn from me (Beck et al., 2018). This can include using facts or providing a guidebook to follow along which covers the cognitive domain, expressing attitudes or sentiments associated with different areas thus covering the affective domain and lastly, I could include participatory events like hiking to cover the kinesthetic domain (Beck et al., 2018). It is also important to be able to effectively create a story and know when the scenery needs to speak for itself. Using a framework like TORE where the thematic focus is on the main message, the story has structure and meaning, is relevant to the audience and is also enjoyable would be beneficial to be an effective storyteller (Beck et al., 2018). Another very important aspect of giving nature tours would be my persona. If I am excited and passionate about what I am telling visitors then they will be more likely to want to learn and listen to what I am saying (Beck et al., 2018). This is known as the persuasion theory in which as a knowledgeable speaker I would have credibility but to keep that credibility aspects such as body language, rate of speaking, and appearance all need to be considered (Beck et al., 2018). Giving tours is much more involved than I originally thought and I learned that many skills are necessary that aren't just describing the place you’re in. Tours can provide visitors with an all-encompassing learning experience that they would enjoy and get to experience the location hands-on. It would be a rewarding job to educate the population about something I am excited about.

References:

Knudson, Larry Beck, Ted T. Cable, Douglas M. Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage: For a Better World. Available from: Sagamore Publishing LLC, Sagamore Publishing LLC, 2018.

[akinformation]

Page 433

are all under God. Some make music, some make movies. The Spirit influences them, what should be their songs about and what to show in the movies. The Spirit is moving like this in all areas, including economics, everywhere. It turns out that this Spirit writes the books through connecting with me and arranges the circumstances in a way that I have to publish them worldwide so the entire world reads them. Maybe this is what I should be doing all my life? Just continue writing my books. And maybe this is the same Spirit that moves in some directors and musicians. This is one theory.

Second theory. Maybe it is somehow connected to a secret world government. Maybe I’m still quite young and growing and not ready just yet. Maybe when I become a world-known author, someone who rules everything, people from the “brotherhood”, will notice me. They will find out that Spirit moves in me like them and I know all secrets. And maybe they will want to contact me. That is another version.

Big Alexander said actually,

– Keep writing when you publish the book. Don’t be waiting on anything. Everything will happen when it is supposed to happen. Either you will be contacted by powerful people or some cataclysms will start and everyone will realize that you predicted it. Because it is all in your books. Or maybe “buddies” will arrive on the flying saucer and simply point at you.

That was what he said. Why was hy saying like this “will point at you”? Maybe I am not just a writer that has the Spirit in him? Maybe I am supposed to reveal all these secrets? Why was I given all this secret knowledge?

The Spirit is conveying to me all information about the structure of the world. How to rule the world and how everything works. Why is He doing it?

The Spirit was coming to me even before 2010. But when the Spirit was in me in 2010 I was passing the places of power and deciphered the matrix on the map of St. Petersburg. I couldn’t write the book back then. I mean, I could, but when the

[lb-desserts]

Pran might be neurodivergent and/or depressed. Here‘s why! Pt.1

I‘m back from the circus after my fake dating theory 🤡

disclaimer: This is a THEORY. This post is not supposed to anyone except theorising about a fictional character. I draw my knowledge from personal and interpersonal experience, and not professional knowledge.

Emotions are weird - what a mood

As we've seen the smiley's are EVERYWHERE. It's a constant reminder for him that emotions exist and which exist. For people who have difficulties interpreting emotions, having a visual depiction is extremely helpful in one's understanding of it.

The whole focus on 'am i happy or sad?' can allude to borderline or bipolar disorder, however Pran's portrayal of his mood-switches is much more reminiscent of chronic depression (dysthymia). His default state is :I with some happy moments ):) and when he gets sad, he reaaaly gets sad (:( which is called a double depression.

Pran has difficulty reading his own and other's emotions, so he uses his post-its to track his mood. He also has difficulties communicating his emotions and needs, which we can see in how he uses a door handle to communicate his emotional state to others.

His parents also were probably never receptive to his emotions or wants, and there was no room for emotional closenessat home (at least from his mom). It didn't matter what he wants (e.g. playing music) and he had to fulfil their expectations: be better than the neighbour's son, no matter what. This creates stress.

Take away the joy → Result: Depression

The secrets Pran keeps combined with the suffering from their parent's feud and the expectation to be perfect, creates so much pressure that it's almost impossible that he didn't develop a chronic depression. Especially when his outlet, music and Pat, was taken away from him for years.

Hide the pain Harold Pran: aka 'masking'

However he still has to keep up the appearance that everything is fine, right? That's where 'masking' comes in. Many people mask on a day to day basis and it's not exclusive to Neurodiversity.

If other people look away or are engaged in another conversation, the mask might slip because it's exhausting to keep it up all the time, as we see Pran do multiple times. Pran puts on the mask to keep up appearances, to not make his true feelings known, or to not make anyone worry.

This does not only include smiles, but also put on anger, disappointment, annoyance, and even putting on a 'i don't care' face. It's not only hiding the pain, but also hiding that you are waaay to excited about something or someone.

When there’s too much drama at school many emotions, all you gotta do is WaLK aWaYyyAYAyy: aka avoidance

The vine said it all. Sometimes everything is too much and you can't just put on a mask and push through it. Escaping the situation completely to prevent emotional outbursts or even meltdowns, is the solution in these cases. Pran often can't deal with being confronted about his feelings in general, and more than often about Pat.

In his mind avoiding it is the path of least resistance. Confrontation is pain. Dealing with something is painful. Consequences are painful. He doesn't want the situation to get even worse than it already is, or throw his in an even deeper hole than what came from the Christmas concert many years ago.

Some last words:

this is just a theory. I've gathered sources and written out the whole thing which got waaaay to long, so you'll get about 4 or 5 parts total, which deal with a different aspect of Pran's mental state and possible ND or depression symptoms. As always: I'd love to hear your thoughts and emotions about this theory.