#I appreciate the anon who sent the message asking about this series! thank you for your ask!

[yuus-sentient-teddy]

"Yuu-Yuu hurt." Part 14

Part 1 | Part 13 | Part 15

Sometimes Yuu was in a dark void. They'd hear murmurs of people talking and keyboards clicking and doors opening and closing. They'd feel pricks in their arm or their world being turned over. They didn't understand what was happening, but it was peaceful and they didn't mind much. It was better than the alternative.

The alternative was Yuu reliving the time they Overblotted. The burning in their veins like someone had injected boiling water into them. An anguish they never felt before making them scream, an electricity shooting through their limbs that made them flail and scratch whoever was unlucky to be in their grasp. The ink monster mimicked their violence as it hunted anyone near by.

A migraine encompassed their head and made it so hard to think and make sense of the tumultuous emotions they were feeling. In the background, there would be the desperate cries of their schoolmates and friends as they tried to get the Ramshackle Prefect back. And the little voice of their teddy bear crying for them.

Every so often, they would see the familiar face of someone in his Overblot form and his respective ink monster. He would just casually wave, a sinister smile on his face, and Yuu would feel ink rising in their throat before falling into a hacking fit. This was the quickest way for them to return to the peaceful void, but it was nonetheless unpleasant.

It never occurred to them to count how many times the cycle completed. All they wanted was to wake up, to finally rest.

Was this hell?

------------------------------------------------------------------

It started with a single word.

"Please."

It somehow escaped their mouth as they stared down at someone's face. They couldn't tell who it was, just someone they knew and whose face they were planning to beat in. For a moment, the anguish and migraine vanished. They just stared into his eyes and felt tears running down their cheeks.

"I want to wake up," they croaked.

Then they were back in the void.

Meanwhile, in NRC, someone woke up gasping.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Yuu was screeching and grabbing at someone, a blob in their blurry eyes that kept dodging and slapping away their hands. Behind them, their ink monster growled and someone shouted something. They heard their teddy bear and Grim cry their name. The smell of ink permeated the air with faint traces of dirt and rubber underneath. Vaguely, in the back of their mind, they wondered if they would see a past Overblotter and his ink monster again. Just the thought of the pair made them feel cold, and bile rose in the back of their throat.

. . . ?

Wait. What is that?

It was so faint they almost missed it. Something floral, something familiar.

They didn't realize they had stopped pursuing the blob, their entire focus on identifying the scent. They also seemed to have forgotten the chaos happening around them, even the pain of being in Overblot.

Suddenly, Yuu was back in the void.

Here, they could smell the mystery scent better and immediately recognized it: roses. It reminded them of the tall rose bushes in Heartslabyul and the little bushel that grew in a pot in Malleus's bedroom.

The void was only peaceful because there was nothing that could hurt them. Now that there was a pleasant scent, Yuu could actually momentarily forget the torment. At the same time, though, it made them miss the Unbirthday Parties and hanging out with the Diasomnia quartet. They started to wonder how their friends and senpais were and hoped they all were all right.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The scent of roses never left them ever since it suddenly appeared and they were thankful for it. Whenever they relived their Overblot state, they concentrated on the scent and the pain went away without fail.

Dealing with any Overblotters became possible too, now that they could think. All they had to do was close their eyes and remember a nicer time, and he and his ink monster would be gone the next time they looked. It was ridiculously simple, but Yuu didn't mind at all.

As Yuu was soon reminded though, all nice things eventually come to an end.

They closed their eyes to Vil's Overblot form. If they had been slower, however, they would have seen him and his ink monster shake their heads.

Yuu remembered when a Pomefiore student approached them and Teddy and ask if he could have Teddy be his model, as he liked making clothes for stuffed animals. The resulting outfits were so cute and so cool, just remembering them brought a smile to Yuu's lips.

So lost in their reverie, they failed to notice the heavy, sprinting steps that came closer and closer until they were just opening their eyes.

They were suddenly on the ground, an enormous shadow looming over them and something heavy pressing uncomfortably on their chest. They quickly realized it was their ink monster, and they somehow knew it was displeased with them.

Yuu cried out when they felt the pressure on their chest grow. They clawed and tried to push the giant paw off of them, but all it did was scrape off ink and splatter it everywhere. Soon, Yuu could barely get air in.

Globs of ink fell around their head and onto their face as their ink monster's head lowered. They squeezed their eyes shut.

Something sharp snap around their head, and they were back in the void.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Their ink monster no longer targeted their friends.

Yuu only had seconds to get out of their Overblot state before it tried to pin them down. Their friends and upperclassmen would suddenly disappear whenever they tried to directly look at them and any magical projectile that got sent forth by whoever was in their peripheral somehow missed its mark. (Yuu wondered if the magical projectiles have been missing their mark the entire time.)

Half of the time, Yuu would be lucky enough to return to the void without getting maimed first. The scent of roses, which became more prominent as time went on, was their only comfort, but it could not alleviate the new dread they now had.

It was one thing feeling the physical agony of an Overblot as a magicless person. It was another having to escape your own relentless monster.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yuu-Yuu!"

The cry would always be scared and worried. They could imagine their teddy's upset face, but for some reason, the image of their father's horrified expression would also come to mind. It never made the moment any less painful.

"Yuu-Yuuuuuuuuuu--!"

So in this cycle, they could tell something was different about the cry. It sounded. . . determined.

And it sounded like it was coming closer.

Yuu was crawling backwards away from their ink monster. They couldn't spare a moment to investigate the cry--thud!--especially now that they hit the wall.

The ink monster raised a clawed paw. They sharply inhaled and braced themself for the cold impact.

But in that instant, a thin beam of light hit the ink monster's face. It immediately recoiled, like it had been hit with a fire spell, and began moving back as the source of the light hurried to stand in front of Yuu.

"Nightmare go away!" A little teddy bear waved a penlight at the ink monster, like it was encouraging a pesky animal to leave. The sight was so funny and so adorable, Yuu wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Shoo, shoo!" The teddy bear stepped forward and the ink monster matched its steps backwards until the ink monster ran for the exit. The teddy bear chased after it, the light trained on its body.

The footprints it left became bigger and more messy with each step. Ink slid off its body and created puddles and trails that the teddy bear deftly avoided. By the time it disappeared into the darkness of the outside, it was as tall as a grandfather clock. The teddy bear watched the exit for a few seconds before turning off the flashlight and turning to Yuu.

It sprinted across the room. When it was close enough, they could see it had a bright smile and open, reaching arms. "Yuu-Yuu!"

"Teddy!"

They tightly embraced the little teddy bear and felt it nuzzle against them. It was comfortingly warm and as cuddly as they remembered; it was then they realized this was the first time they felt warmth and comfort in a long, long while. They wanted to tell it that they missed it so much, that they were so, so happy to see it, but all they could do was cry happy tears. Teddy did all the talking regardless, giggling and joyfully saying their name.

"Prefect, you ready to go?"

Yuu looked up while wiping their eyes. Ace was kneeling beside them, Deuce and Grim on their other sides. The rest of the first year squad stood around. Despite being scratched up, they all were smiling brightly.

"Do you need help getting up?" Deuce asked.

"If you need to, you can lean on me while we're walking," Sebek said.

Yuu realized this was the first time they were hearing their friends just talk. No shouting of spells, no cries of warning, no pained yelps.

"Prefect, are you okay?" Ortho asked.

"I. . ." More tears spilled out. ". . . missed you guys so much."

Relief washed over the squad. They could have sworn their friends' eyes got glossy.

"We missed you too, Yuu. Now come on, let's get out of here."

Their upperclassmen were standing by the exit with teenagers they've never seen before, some holding each other up. Behind the group was a spring forest basked in daylight. Though there was shade from the trees, Yuu somehow knew that the ink monster wasn't hiding in it. In fact, some adults were calmly coming out wearing uniforms for magicians in the special task force or carrying medical bags.

Stepping onto the grass, Yuu registered two things: one, they no longer felt cold, and two, they were finally free of the torment.

They gripped Sebek's shoulder a little tighter and held Teddy closer, crying happily once again.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Yuu was back in the void.

The scent of roses welcomed them and the warmth from the previous dream remained.

Somewhere around them, a cute voice cleared its throat and something like cardboard creaked. A piece of paper was flipped.

Little orbs of orange light suddenly lit up around them, gentle and fuzzy like dandelion seed heads.

"Once upon a time. . ."

Their dreams no longer brought them to that horrible memory. Instead, guided by a little teddy bear, the two were spectators of fantastical tales that ended with a happily ever after.

Sometimes, a different voice read things that seemed to come out of lesson books. The ensuing dreams were either confusing or magical. A handful of times, the voice would awkwardly read a fictional story, which Yuu thought was endearing.

Other times, many different voices recounted what happened during a school day. Yuu could picture the scenes clearly and they always brought a smile to their face.

And other voices, much less frequent, wished them well. Some of those voices joked a little. Yuu groaned at a particularly cheesy pun, as did whoever was accompanying the punner. (They wouldn't mind hearing more of those puns. . . probably.)

With the support and care of the voices alongside not having to worry about ink monsters and agonizing memories, Yuu could feel something within them heal. The hope that they had of waking up started to feel less like it and more like something true.

They couldn't wait to see everything again.

[panelshowsource]

it's actually been leaked for some time, although — and not to sound whiny — any time i've posted it or just talked about it i've gotten 10+ anonymous messages telling me i'm the devil and ruining the establishment of taskmaster with my irresponsible gossiping. so i didn't post about it and deleted any of the asks/convo about the new cast, even though ofc everyone has had tonsss of thoughts about it 😅

anyways would have laid down my whole life betting john robins (one of THE most obvious future tm contestants, being such a good friend of alex's!) and joanne mcnally would be on so i feel very vindicated — and excited! — in that regard! we're gonna have a great time :)

someone sent an anon asking about people i'd bet — not who i want, but who i'd bet — would be on the show so i'll think more about that and post later this week! the series will def have more seasons so i'll try and get some guesses in heh

OMG ME TOO her name is mabel! she's sooooooo cute ≧◡≦

hello anon!! actually you don't need me for this, it was recently posted on tv_bunny :)

enjoy!

she's great! she reminds me a lot of roisin, in that when she's not doing her semi-pre-written joke material, she's supremely good at hanging, bantering, fitting in with the vibe. i really appreciate that when it comes to panel shows particularly! but i can't say i've seen much of her standup

(wait — can i digress for a second — roisin is one of the ONLY recurring catsdown contestants who actually brings in sensible mascots that have the purpose of helping her/bringing her luck, and her presentations of them are always so hilarious and she deserves more credit for that)

+ not important but i really like her voice

thank you for sending her well wishes <3

i appreciate the message and you weren't the only person to say this, but i think some people are only part-way informed as to her journey reclaiming her name. her intention was never to scrap the nickname shappi or stop people from calling her that; it was 1) to reconcile her experience growing up in the uk with her name and how that led to her committing to shappi as a teen, and 2) to be published, credited, and billed as shaparak in professional capacities. she has clarified many times, including here and here, that it is totally acceptable to call her shappi; people on tv & radio still call her shappi after formal introductions, like in the new wilty when everyone calls her shappi throughout the entire episode; her social media handles are still shappi; and so on. she's shaparak, but that doesn't mean she "no longer goes by shappi". there is some confusion here i think some people are taking her journey, which was lovely to follow, as rejecting shappi — but that isn't the case.

i already updated her tag to 'shaparak khorsandi' a while ago and would definitely credit her full name where necessary, but socially, colloquially, like in the quick text post i made asking people to give shappi some love, there is no disrespect in calling her that! of course, plenty of people are credited by one name and are regularly called another/a nickname, like olivia colman who is actually called sarah by her family and colly by most everyone else. she seems really happy with having done her book and her recent show under her full name, and it's been beautiful to see her come around to love shaparak as much as she has loved shappi :')

btw for anyone who doesn't know, shaparak means butterfly in farsi!

hahahahaha that is hilarious

long story short is just that keith lemon is a disreputable character (and i mean character literally, he's not real, he's played by leigh francis!) who spends a lot of his energy shouting and oogling over boobies etc

i think it's fair to say hating on white supremacists does bring us all together 😅

i'm sorry i haven't seen it! but ugh tamsin greig is one of my longest-time crushes fr i actually think the friendship between her and stephen mangan is one of my roman empires. i have a list of scripted tv rewatches i plan to do this year — the thick of it, peep show, and so on, some of my faves ever — and green wing is def on the list so maybe i'll add friday night dinner!

—————

PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS / NON-PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS FAQ / TAGS / ASK

[ayyy-pee]

I love 'The Great Debate'. I think it's one of my favourite fics that I've ever read on Tumblr.

I must confess, I came across it randomly on AO3 and I usually don't really read much on AO3, but I was completely and utterly captivated by your series, and I just read the whole thing in one go.

I honestly really, really enjoyed it. I thought it was incredibly witty and well-paced, and I just loved the way you tackled the characters and wrote the dialogue, and I was just so wholeheartedly charmed by it.

I've reread it multiple times, to be honest, and I keep checking your page just to see if you've updated your fic. It is just so, so, so good.

I'm a real sucker for academic rivalry stories, and I just thought you tackled things brilliantly. Your fic is engaging. It is clean and crisp. It is sexy. I love it—truly.

I really enjoyed the build-up of the relationship and I just loved how sizzling the sexual tension was, and I loved the whole dance-floor scene, and I absolutely loved how you tackled their relationship.

(Also, just as a note, I think the way you portrayed her loss of virginity was the most believable I've ever seen in my life in any type of literature/media.)

I keep coming back to this fic.

I honestly can't really choose what my favourite part of this fic is. I loved the introduction—it set the scene perfectly and I love how she has an answer for everything. I loved the strange tension between them when she was going out with Satoru. I loved, loved the nightclub scene. I was completely enamoured with 'Chapter Ten'. It was so, so, so incredibly well-written and it was just the right amount of passion, sexiness and softness. I am in love with it.

I really hope you will continue with this series because it holds a very special place in my heart.

Sending lots of love your way xxx

(As is customary, I believe, I'd like to also use this as an opportunity to thank you for taking the time to write, edit and share this story with us. I really, really appreciate it. Hope you're getting enough food, sleep, rest, etc. xxx)

HELLO?!?!?!

Omg first, thank you SO MUCH for this detailed message. I LOVE getting things like this. I so appreciate your kind words and how much you loved TGD. This is actually very funny that I got this message because yesterday I thought to myself - "damn i really wanna pick this fic back up."

Then you send me this and I'm just...ugh. THANK YOU. It's the inspiration I needed.

Also, weird question, I've gotten several other anon messages about TGD and another fic of mine. Are those from you as well? This fic doesn't get as much attention as my other Suguru fics so I just wanted to know. It's so nice to see someone who loves it so much!! <3

If it's not you who sent more anon asks then...WHERE ARE YALL COMING FROM LOL!!!!

Thank you so much for reading and loving it!!! MWAH <3

[httpknjoon]

For the A-listers q&a:

Y/N- what was the easiest song to write with Taylor?

Jin- what's your reaction to hearing Taylor Swift loves Cornelia Street the movie?

Both- what's your favorite Taylor/Y/N song?

-----------------

But like on an actual note the A-listers is such a good collection of fic!!! you should be so proud of yourself it is so fucking good and I'm obsessed. As soon as the latest piece came out I relistened to all the songs and *chef's kiss* sis you are that bitch 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

note | anon, you are the sweetest! I really appreciate you sending all this love in my ask 🥺💕 I'm sending you all the love back! also, thank you so much for these questions! feel free to send more!

main masterlist | drabble series

"I think..." you paused as you pick out one out of four songs you co-wrote with Taylor. It took you seconds before finally saying an answer, "It will probably be Cornelia Street since we mainly relate it to the movie I and Jin did. Then, we added our own thoughts."

After hearing the second question, Jin smiled. "I was surprised and proud. I mean, it's Taylor Swift! She is one of the best songwriters of this generation!"

Then he looks at you, "Y/N was the one who told me about it. She was so giddy when Taylor sent her a direct message on Instagram."

"Yeah, I immediately called him when I saw it on my notifs." you agreed.

You and Jin took your time to think about your answer. The actor was the first one to reply,

"Lover. I like Lover."

Your eyes sparkled as you heard that. You even turned your head to him with a cute surprised expression. Just like when a kid was presented with an unexpected gift. "You do?"

"Yeah, it's so romantic." he nods. "But I love all of the songs you wrote with her, bub. They are all amazing."

"That's so sweet. Thank you, Jinnie." you smiled at him.

"No problem, bubby." he replied casually before taking a sip from his water bottle.

Meanwhile, you revealed your answer, "My personal favorite is Daylight."

You added, "I remember reading Taylor's finished lines for that song. Then, I found it so genuine that it warms my heart. I tried my best to write what's perfect and hopefully, it resulted as genuine as Taylor's."

"It was!" Jin cheered. "That was my second favorite song!"

"Oh, now you're just saying that to boost me up." you playfully rolled your eyes at him.

"No, I'm not."

"Then, sing a line from Daylight." you challenged him, knowing that he will not do that.

"You know that I don't sing—"

You immediately cut him off, "Lie. You even write—"

"Y/N!" Jin widened his eyes at you as if he was begging you to stop.

But you just laughed, "He wrote a song about a tu—"

Jin had no choice but to cover your lips before you spill a secret.

"Okay. That's enough answers."

taglist rules

THE A LISTERS TAGLIST

@seolaquotes @jub-jub @yoontaethings @kissme-ornot @sleepy-daydreams @veronawrites @cuteipat @ratherbefangirling @babystarcandy-gcf @akirawhore @alpacaparkaseok @rjsmochii @prlan @lovesickbangtan @zealouslightcookiebasketball @rapmonie2047 @btsiguess-kpop @angelarin @walkinganxiety0 @bloopkook @stopeatread @yoooonie @amara-mars @firesighgirl

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@dunixxd​ @cixrosie​ @moonchild1​ @jksjx​ @embrace-themagic​ @buttvi​ @starbtslove @missseoulite @vanntaesworld @barbiekatz @pixlpixy

[honeyhotteoks]

Hi...I've not sent any asks before, so excuse me if I'm not quite sure how these things usually go.

You're honestly my fav fic writer and TNT is *chef's kiss* DELICIOUS. ~Also loved ITA and The Husbands series and….. really all of them lol~ I have gone back to re-read pretty much all of your stories *cough* The Husbands and TNT *cough* …wait do I just have a thing for getting tag teamed???? 👀 oop…learn something new every day I guess, damn😅

Anyways, thank you for taking your time to write these when you do. You're very talented, and writing something this long, with actual plot, side plots, world building, and character development takes time and energy(and planning). I think most of us are on the same page of not pressuring someone who is, in fact, providing us quality entertainment for free(or tip) and that you are doing this in your free time because you enjoy it, and not be it's a job or responsibility of yours. I totally get your decision to not tie money to updates or additional content. I hope no one is pushing you on it, it’s your life 🙄

~So say thank you to Chai for feeding us y'all~

Just felt like I needed to get that out.

Anyways....pls stop teasing us with *potentially* jealous/possessive yungi! (but pls don't stop l'm so fucking excited for this...do we all have a little jealous/possessive kink or is that just me??....is that toxic of me? 🤷🏻‍♀️ probably lol) I am waiting with bated breath for this next update 😭 ah this ask is so long now. Anyyywhooo, you’re amazing, so talented, and wonderful! okayloveyoubyee

~🖤🖤🖤(Does anyone have this Anon emoji??)

oh my gosh????? thank you so much for this message, also i don't have a 🖤 anon, so you got it!!

i really appreciate this though, it's really thoughtful of you to say and honestly i really do enjoy writing these fics and talking with everyone, but it is a lot of work. thankfully almost everyone i've talked to in this space has been so kind about it taking time sometimes to write, and everyone's really sweet when i do post, so there's not too much pressure. thank you though, i was really going back and forth on things with the server, but this feels like the best thing for now.

also as far as jealous/possessive yungi like...... it's coming. it's inevitable. it's just too fun to not write tbh.

click under the cut for a lil spoiler from a future chapter................. but like pretty sizeable spoiler here so be careful.

[captain-apostrophe]

Hi! So, uhm, I sent you an ask here a few days ago (2 weeks maybe?) and I don't know if you got it (I know Tumblr can be unreliable with asks). It was a review to one of your fics. If you saw it, great! I hope it didn't annoy you with how long it was! If you didn't, well, to sum it up I just wanted to let you know I read your sangcheng fic "Make Do" and I loved it! I know it's on hiatus, so I don't hold my breath waiting for an update, but just wanted to make sure you know there's someone who still enjoys what you wrote, even if it never gets finished. (PS: I also love your Jianghu City series!) That's all! Thank you for writing your awesome fics, bye-bye! 🐰💛

Anon!

I confess it, I did indeed get you previous ask - I just haven't replied because I've been hoarding it to myself so I can look back over it when I need a pick-me-up. It definitely didn't annoy me, it was really lovely to hear all of your thoughts about the fic and to know how much you've enjoyed reading it.

In particular I appreciate the assurance that said enjoyment isn't hinging on the expectation of future updates! I love my fics and would really like to finish them all, but I only have so much energy - creative or otherwise - at the moment and I'm prioritising my original work over fanfiction for the time being. But it feels bad to do that when I know that there are people hoping for new chapters, significantly more people than care about my non-fic works!

So thank you for the time you've taken to send me these messages, they were such lovely surprises to receive <3

[turnaboutimagines]

its been 2 years, how are you doing ?

It... It's actually HAS been over two years, hasn't it? That feels wrong, but I know it's not. I'm okay, though, mostly! Things aren't great, but they could be so much worse so... I'll take it.

I will say that I still have notifications for this blog, my side blogs, and my AO3 in these two years away. I have seen every single comment, message, like, reblog, and kudos. I'm so glad people have continued to read my silly little AA fanfic pieces, it means so much to me. Writing for this blog was (is?) such a joy that it still brought a smile to my face to see someone engage with my tumblr and AO3. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

... Anyways, I'm playing the AA games again for the first time in a while so I may get back into writing? A very tentative maybe. Things will be different around here if I do! I'll be making new posts soon and revamping the blog. So keep an eye out! :> But for those of you who see this and are curious about where I've been or life updates, it's under the cut!

The most important thing though: I am very sorry for vanishing off the face of the earth. I didn't really want to come back here until I felt like I could stick around for more than just one post, which in my head meant potentially returning in some capacity or deciding to shut this blog down for good. And so, two years of silence has passed as a result. I am what I've always been: an anxious, awkward, and indecisive disaster.

But to those of you who read my stuff years ago and totally forgot you followed an AA imagines blog or just have no interest in AA content now, I see you and there's no shame in unfollowing as I dust things off. I just appreciate that you were here at all, pal!

Okay, now onto the personal shenanigans. Since I was last on here, I started playing with my beloved weekly D&D group (we've been playing for over 2 years now and are on our second campaign! <3), got REALLY into Critical Role and Dimension 20, graduated with my master's, landed a job right out of my practicum, read SO many wonderful books, and I'm 26 now! ...Which means that I've got way too many games and hobbies I'm interested in and not enough time/energy for any of them. :"D

I'm still just as in love with stories as ever, but I've barely written anything outside of D&D fic in 2 years.

Of course, it hasn't all been good, I've had my fair share of grieving, family drama, mental health issues, work as my personal hell, and grappling with my sense of failure and hopelessness. I've barely left my house in two years and I honestly don't remember how to socialize or be a person among other people anymore -- I barely knew to begin with. But I'm just going one day at a time and taking my time to catch back up.

But I miss writing. I'm apprehensive to post again because it's gonna be bad for a while. I am rusty. But I wanna pick it back up again. And I LOVE Ace Attorney. I love these characters. I love this setting. And I've dearly missed the whimsy and heart of this series.

My inbox is open for messages, I'll do my best to respond to things? I'll probably leave old asks in my inbox to rest, but I'll respond to any new things! For those of you who sent in anons checking on me, consider this an open letter to you, too! I got quite a few of kind anons in the past two years and I appreciate y'all taking the time to check in on me.

Thanks for reading all of this. Keep an eye out for future posts and some blog modifications but I'm signing off for now!

[finelinevogue]

requested blurbs masterlist

a list of requested blurbs that i will one day complete. it’s my mission for 2022 to get these written!

send me a number under a specific header if you really want a blurb being written, as it will inspire and motivate me to write :) 

to anyone and everyone who sent in a blurb, thank you so much for the kind messages that you wrote with them. my heart smiled so much reading through all the positive comments, i appreciate you and them all <333

blurbs

part 4 of ceo!harry (leeroysdancer)

stepdad!harry or stepmom!y/n

clumsy!reader

love island au 

shy!reader

reader cooking whilst listening to harry’s music (🥥 anon)

celebrating harry’s birthday (hhh32)

something about the dwd trailer

soulmate fic

get engaged and everyone is skeptical about it

attending khai’s birthday party

“we’re not just friends and you know it”

reader wrote ‘everything i wanted’ for harry

something based of ‘easy on me’ by adele

nanny!reader for sarah and mitch’s baby (onlyamylee)

smut in harry’s childhood bedroom

eternals table-reading and have crushed on each other 

platonic actress!reader x actor!harry

best-friends to lovers

claustrophobic!reader

demisexual!harry

farm-girl!reader

reader has depression

go ice-skating and to a photo-booth together (izziestyles)

watching a horror movie together (izziestyles)

personal trainer!harry

demon!harry x human!reader

writing sessions with harry (lollypopsx)

getting ready for an awards shows (lollypopsx)

reader uses own last name even when they’re married

attending an ariana grande concert together

reader gets surprised with a pleasing +extra kit

sick!reader (blackberryblossom)

harry asks to stop halfway through sex

socially anxious!reader bombarded by paparazzi

tourette’s!reader

shopping with harry

nye night in with harry

desi!reader

series

kiss me in the dark [highschool]

homecoming

harry forgetting a date (lollypopsx)

harry fights with girl friends over you

school dance (harryskissies) 

“anything”

reader on period but doesn’t tell harry

reader being bullied and harry re-evaluates his friendships

little moments [family]

the family attending hslot

kids styling harry’s hair

public walk leads to leak of baby’s face (spencharry)

on vacation

dressing up for halloween

child chokes on toy

kids are scared of a thunderstorm and harry is away (kissmyaxe140)

from the moment we met [insta dm]

part 3 of this story

hslot

protective!harry 

fan!reader meeting harry backstage

famous singer!reader has to leave harry on tour for own tour

your parents attend harry’s concert, nervous!harry

fight before a show (hhh32)

shower sex after a long concert

deaf!reader

pregnant!reader

reader gets hurt backstage due to wearing heels (🦕 anon)

harry falls and hurts his wrist onstage

mobbed outside hotel

relative of readers passes away (🦕 anon)

sick!harry

dizzy!harry

brother!tom holland

brothers react to watermelon sugar

gang!harry

clumsy!reader

have a huge argument (lollypopsx)

pregnancy reveal

how they met

brother!harry

harry comes home from tour and is disconnected with reader

you have a panic attack

wolfrry

“literally anything”

instagram concepts

rock singer reader

reading and book recommending

everyone knows you’re together but you never post about it

family life in nyc

with demirose (damnasstyles)

pornstars (queenofdisaster06181942)

hslot husbandrry

florist!harry

desi!reader

(all sent anonymously unless stated otherwise)

[wingsyliveblogs]

It’s time for a quick post acknowledging some messages I’ve received but won’t be responding to directly at this point! 

To the anon who sent in two lengthy asks the subjects of which I’m not entirely certain, and the anon(s)? who sent in two messages about fan theories, I’ve been informed that while your asks aren’t explicitly spoilery, they still contain info that might guide my thinking in some way, so it’s best that I leave them for later. I look forward to being able to read them properly! 

To the anons who sent in a couple of asks that I believe were in response to my speculation here, I’m afraid I can’t look at what you have to say yet! I’d like to take this opportunity to drop a quick reminder that giving any answers to questions I pose while speculating or telling me things I don’t know about the show, even if it’s just to share your own thoughts about said things, does count as a spoiler. I appreciate that you’re enthusiastic to talk about the show, but please be careful! 

That said, I’ve saved both of the asks of this type that I’ve received so that I can look at them later, so I will get to you eventually! 

@jcogginsa 

I just wanted to let you know that I’ve seen your recommendation post! I won’t be looking at it too closely for the time being, since if I do decide to read this series, it’s probably best if I know as little as possible about it. I appreciate the warnings, though! 

It does sound like an interesting series, so I’ll be adding it to my list of recommendations I’m considering for the future. Thanks for the suggestion! 

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Quarantine: A Love Story {11}

Chris Evans x Reader Mini Series

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Angst, Scorching Slow Burn, Tease

Words: 6.2k

Note: Okay, so this ask/request came in and I was all prepped to write it as a one shot, but I had so many separate ideas that sprang to mind for it and from it. As of right now, I am going to play this one by ear. Hell, I might just keep writing it as long as we’re all in our quarantine/self-isolation. So, it might be one part every week, or I might change it. I honestly have no idea, so let’s start with calling it a mini-series and see where it goes. Thank you anon for the request, hope it’s cool I tweak, twist and stretch this out. 

I hope you guys enjoy this. Thank you for reading as always!!! ❤️❤️

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

***Slightly Interactive***

**Images NOT My own. 2nd, 3rd, & 4th found Via Pinterest**

Previous Chapters:  Q1 |  Q2 |  Q3 |  Q4 |  Q5 |  Q6 |  Q7 |  Q8 |  Q9 | Q10 |

~~~~~~~~~~~

-Quarantine: Week Seven & A Half –

“I’m glad that you guys are doing okay, mom. Tell dad not to go on those walks with Mr. Beardsley. Tell him to stay his ass home,” you badgered.

 “You know that man does what he wants. The other day he was in the backyard building some abomination he calls a bird palace. Y/N, he made a three-story house for a bird,” your mother informed. You couldn’t help but laugh.

 “I sent you the picture. Look.”

 You put your cell on speaker and looked at the new message with the photo attached. The most hideous creation appeared on the screen. It was lopsided and looked like it had every board out of place.

“Oh, my goodness.”

 “Do you see? Then he had the nerve to ask me if he should paint it to make it more appealing.” You busted out laughing then. There was no way you could have held it in. All you could imagine was this atrocity painted yellow, blue, or even red.

 “I didn’t know what to tell him. He worked for hours on it,” your mother went on.

 “So, what did you go with?” The line was silent for a while before she sighed.

 “I told him to paint the damn thing rainbow colored. Told him it would attract more birds that way.”

 The two of you laughed together, not bothering to care how loud you were. After a few minutes, the two of you quieted down. You needed a good laugh.

 “How are you, darling?”

 “I’m fine, mom. Things are quiet as the world passes me by.”

 “So dramatic. Glad to see nothing has changed from when you were a child.”

 Rolling your eyes, you took a sip of your Arnold palmer and leaned back in the lounge beach chair. It was another beautiful day. Mother nature was laughing. While most of the world was locked away, unable to fully enjoy the great outdoors, she was serving Spring goals with upper seventy degree and sunny weather days. You were lucky to be near a beach and able to take advantage of it.

 “I’m not dramatic, I’m--,”

 “Just spirited, yeah, yeah yeah,” your mother filled in echoing the same words the same way you’d said them since you were six.

 “I don’t appreciate the shade, mom!”

 “Girl, watch your tone.” Pressing your lips together, you got your head on right. Your mother would slap you into next month if you played with her wrong.

 “What’s wrong? Is it Chris? Did he look at you and roll his eyes again?” She snickered, and you rolled your eyes again. She was always teasing you about the way you complained about Chris.

 “That boy is clearly head over heels in love with you. Anyone with one half good eye can see that.”

 “You don’t know what you’re talking about, mom.”

 “The hell I don’t. I am a woman too, Y/N. I know what a man looks like when he’s got it bad. I’ve been married to one for the last thirty-four years.��

 Taking another sip from your glass, you burrowed deeper into the chair and watched the waves roll onto the sand. The water was a lot calmer now in the afternoon than it had been earlier this morning, you thought.

 “All right, since you want to play dumb, and blind,” your mother sighed out.

 “Actually, mom, I have a question. Did you have Chris promise to stay away from me or something along those lines?”

 “Why would I do something like that?”

 “I don’t know, you tell me.”

 “I don’t know. Okay, wait—he has the reputation of being a ladies man.”

 “You mean a whore?”

 “Y/N!”

 “In twenty-twenty, we call people what they are. We don’t sugar coat. He has a reputation for being a whore.”

 “He’s a man, an unmarried one at that. He has no reason to be celibate. You also need to remember that just because someone appears to be living one way doesn’t mean that is really what it is,” your mother attempted to reason.

 “What does that mean?”

 “He could be sleeping around but doesn’t want to.”

 You snorted and shook your head. “So he’s being forced to sleep with every blonde, brunette, and occasional redhead he comes across?”

 You shook your head, realizing you were actually getting angry about it.

 “You sound jealous, babygirl. Jealous women aren’t attractive, plus your jealousy gives away how you really feel about him.”

 “Feel? Whatever mom. I don’t feel anything.”

 “Okay. Just remember the lies we tell will always be revealed.”

 You hated when she tapped into her ancestral priestess side and read you like a book. You knew you were lying. You knew you didn’t feel nothing. You felt something alright, but at the moment, you didn’t know just what it was.

 “To answer your question, no, I didn’t make him promise anything.”

 “Then who would?”

 “Maybe Scott. They’re brothers, and he knows Chris through and through. Maybe he was trying to protect you from becoming yet another notch.”

 You thought about her words. It was possible. Honestly, Scott was raising to the top of your list the more you thought about it. It felt like something he would do to protect you. The only thing you couldn’t understand was why he felt the need to make him promise. From the very beginning, everyone has always thought Chris just didn’t like you. The way he acted toward you and spoke about you did not scream that Scott had something to worry about. Since there was no evidence to how Chris felt, then why would Scott make him promise something like that, you wondered.

 “Can I take this conversation as you having ended things with that other one?”

 Groaning, your head went back to Charles. Things with him were still up in the air. When you made a break from someone, there was nothing left suspended. You made a quick, clean break, usually disappearing without a trace. Everything was just weird. Part of you felt as if you were being too cold with him and that you should give him a genuine chance. Then when you thought that, Chris’s face popped into your head as a reason not to. It was like there was this war inside of you between two guys.

 “The other one is—focusing on himself right now.”

 “Ah, you kept your wall up, and he got frostbite from being left out in the cold, and he gave you an ultimatum.”

 “I hate when you do that.”

 “Don’t hate the player, gate the game. Honey--,” your mother began before you cut her off.

 “I don’t want to hear it, mom. Not now.”

 “Okay. You’re an adult, old enough to make your own decisions and mistakes. You don’t need your mother’s wise years of experience and words to help guide your way so you don’t make as many mistakes as others would. I understand.”

 This was the guilt trip no one had mastered like your mother. She could guilt you with so little. Sighing loudly, you finished off the glass. “Fine, mom, go ahead. Priestess me.”

 “Maybe use this quarantine time to figure out why you’ve always cared so much what Chris Evans thought of you. Think about what it is you want from your life—for your life. What’s important, babygirl? Maybe the way you’ve lived these last years is not the most conducive to getting what you really want. Maybe you need to open up, lower those walls, give people a chance instead of expecting them to disappoint and hurt you, pull them closer instead of pushing them away. Take a chance on what you really want.”

 You sat there letting her words resonate. You knew she knew what she was talking about, and you knew it was all coming from a place of love, but it didn’t stop the feeling of being attacked. You hated when she was right.

 “You’ve always liked Chris. This is what this is about,” you accused.

 “That is not true. I don’t care that every time I’ve met him, he’s been respectful, kind, and sincere. I don’t care that every Christmas he sends us a gift, and every New Year a card. I don’t care that he also does the same for our birthdays and anniversaries. I don’t care that he’s shown to be a good man despite his philandering ways.”

 “Wait, wait, wait. He’s what?”

 “What?”

 “Mom. He’s sent you guys gifts and cards?”

 “Yeah, I thought you knew. He also comes by and checks on us from time to time when he’s in town and calls when he’s out of town sometimes,” your mother revealed.

 You were floored. You didn’t know any of this. Your head began to spin, making you feel like you’d put more than a few ounces of rum in the glass. The ringing in your ears did nothing to help matters. All you could hear was your mother’s confession echoing in your head.

 “Y/N! Are you okay? Can you hear me?”

 You took a few shaky breathes and did your best to calm down. “I’m fine. I just—I didn’t know any of that.”

 “Oh. So he’s been doing all this in secret and not to impress you?”

 You rubbed your forehead and pinched your nose bridge.

 “That means that Air B&B in Los Angeles your father and I stayed at when we went on vacation last year was probably not just a normal Air B&B.”

 “What?”

 “He set it up for us, said he got a great deal and took care of everything. It was beautiful. Do you think it was his house?”

 You remembered that trip. Your parents sent you picture after picture of the view and the interior of the house. You wanted to go back to them now and play detective.

 “Oh my god. I had no idea about any of this.”

 “Now that you know, what’re you going to do with it?”

 Again, your eyes went back to the water, and in seconds, you’d zoned out. “I’ll call you tomorrow, mom. Call me if anything. I love you.”

 You sat there for several long minutes just allowing the conversation to swirl in your head. When the words quieted, and your internal freak out settled you scrolled through your phone to the pictures you’d saved because you liked the décor. It took a few minutes, but when you found the set, you sat there zooming in to the max to analyze every inch of the picture. Nothing gave it away to be Chris’s house. Nothing pointed to it not being a run of the mill Air B&B. It was very nice, though. In the last picture, you zoomed in and saw something in the wall that could have been a picture of Chris and his siblings when they were younger, but from the picture, it was blurry, and you really couldn’t make it out. You could have latched on to that and deduced it was his house, but you were scared to face that fact.

 For the last three years, while he was being a world-class asshole to you, he was being a prince to your parents. You couldn’t wrap your head around his strategy. If he liked you the way he professed what in his mind said the way to get you was to be a dick to you but make your parents fall in love. It made no sense.

 When you finally got up from the chair, the sun was beginning to make its descent behind the horizon. You had maybe an hour before nightfall. You intended to go back to the guesthouse to shower and just mellow out, but your legs decided to walk. When you looked around, you were surrounded by trees and greenery. You had no idea where you were or how long you’d been walking or in what direction you walked. After spinning around a few times, you noticed the worn path before you.

 “Where the hell am I?”

 Continuing forward, you followed the path that looked like feet had traveled plenty of times. The further you walked, the less condensed the trees and bushes became, and the more your curiosity rose. After another ten or so minutes, you came to a thicket before you that looked to block your path, but upon more observation, you saw the worn path you’d been walking on continued underneath it. There was something behind it.

 You pushed at the bushes that were entwined within branches and were shocked when it gave way easier than you expected. They parted like a gate. It was a gate. Before your eyes was the quaintest structure you’d ever seen.

 “Holy shit!”

 You stood there, marveling at the tiny house in front of you. Tiny wasn’t even the right word for it. The tiny house trend applied to school buses or shipping containers, not this. This looked like an off the grid, half house, or treehouse. You didn’t know what the fuck you were looking at. You continued walking forward while spinning around to take in your surroundings. The entire area was quarantined off with tall, thick bushes, trees, branches, and vines. It was incredible.

 The more you looked around, the more you fell under its spell. It was beautiful and one with nature. When you got close enough to the house, you could see scratch marks on the deck. You knew they were from Dodger. This must have been where Chris disappeared to. Stepping onto the deck, you took notice of the two Adirondack chairs, one blue the other red. Trailing your fingertips across them, you continued walking around. Every detail and item you saw, you could picture him either using it or sitting on it.

When you got to the door, you contemplated if you should go inside. This was not your property. You were snooping. It wasn’t right, but your curiosity again won out. When you turned the knob, it moved. It wasn’t locked. You stepped over the threshold and gaped at the space. It wasn’t as big as the big house, but it was in no means cramped. The wooden floors and walls gave you a feeling of comfort. Everything laid around screamed down to earth. It was the vibe Chris always gave off when he wasn’t being a dick.

 You looked around what was the living room, and then made your way to a galley kitchen that screamed man. It had the necessities, a stovetop, fridge, dishwasher, a conventional oven, and a sink. The butcher’s block countertop gave you the idea it had been used often. As you made your way through the dwelling, you took notice of a small bathroom that had no luxury, a toilet, a tub, a sink, and an incredible view. When you made it to what you knew was the bedroom, his scent bombarded you. It was the same scent from his bedroom in the house, pine, fresh air, fragrant wood, chocolate, hops, and something that you still hadn’t been able to pinpoint in all the years you’d known him.

 You wandered around the room, looking at everything you saw. The things in here looked a lot more personal than of that was in his room before. You saw a signed baseball, family pictures, empty bottles of beer, toiletries, and papers that were strewn around. It took every ounce of strength to ignore the bed in the room no matter how loud it called your name. You wanted to roll around in his sheets and wrap yourself in them, but you knew if you did that, you’d probably never get out of the bed. Without being able to control yourself, you approached it, climbing the few steps to it and touched one of the plaid shirts that were resting at the foot of the bed.

 “Don’t do it, Y/N.” As soon as the words left your mouth, the head ignored them and did just what you’d said not to. You took in a deep whiff of his shirt and moaned. Fuck, it smelled so good that your mouth actually watered. Disgustedly you threw the shirt and stomped out of the room, cursing his name.

 The more you saw, the more you liked, and the more you liked, the more you wanted to see him in it. You wanted to watch as he cooked in the kitchen, watch as he sat in the Adirondack chair, wanted to watch as he drank bottle after bottle of beer while sitting in that leather chair with a book or his laptop. You wanted to watch how he fit in that tub; it seemed impossible. You wanted more than you’d wanted in months, years—ever.

 You opened the fridge and took out one of the many bottles of beer and hit it on the side of the butcher block countertop and took several healthy gulps. When you brought it back down, what you saw took your breath away. The view of the sun setting was breathtaking. You walked out to the front deck and sat in one of the chairs and just watched mother nature’s artwork across her natural canvas.

 Before you knew it, you’d watched the sky turn from beautiful hues of purple, orange, pink and red to a navy color with specks of white. You couldn’t get over how the stars were so bright here. You were so lost in the view that when you heard Chris’s voice, you actually jumped.

 “Shit!” Your scream was loud, and before you knew it, you’d flung the bottle at him.

 “Woah!” You heard it shatter, and Dodger burst into a flurry of howls. You clasped your hands over your mouth in shock.

 “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

 “Jesus, they should have signed you to the Dodgers, maybe we’d have won more,” Chris teased.

 “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you repeated. Chris ticked his tongue, signaling Dodger to calm down. Like the good pup he was, he came to Chris’s side and sat then pranced over to you to lick across your cheek.

 “Hi, Dodger. How are you, boy? I’m sorry I scared you.” As if he was saying he accepted your apology, he continued licking at your face.

 “What’re you doing here? How’d you find this place?”

 His questions were serious ones. You avoided his eyes and focused on Dodger, hoping he wasn’t too angry at your trespassing.

 “Uh—well, see what had happened was—I was walking and not really paying attention, and I just—found it.”

 “Just found it? It’s a ways away from the main house. How’d you even know which direction to walk?”

 “I didn’t. I’m telling the truth, I didn’t make a plan to walk this way, I was wandering and came across it.”

 Chris didn’t speak again for a little while, but you could feel his eyes on you. Risking it, you glanced at him, and sure enough, his eyes were on you. “And you helped yourself to a beer.”

 “Yeah. I’m sorry. I know it was an invasion of your privacy and trespassing. I’m sorry.” He didn’t speak, but his eyes looked cold. He was angry.

 “Look, I’ll go. I shouldn’t have—I’m sorry to impose.” You stuttered as you got to your feet and began walking to the same thicket you’d walked through.

 After a few quick steps, he called your name.

 “It’s okay, Chris,” you answered without stopping or looking back.

 “Go get her, Dodge.” Dodger barked and tramped to you, blocking your path, hopping up on his hind legs to gently claw at your abdomen.

 “Down Dodger.”

 Ignoring you, Dodger kept clawing at you before he got hold of a piece of your shirt pulling you back toward the house. Your protests didn’t matter, and you were actually pretty surprised with how strong he was. He’d been taking it easy on you this whole time. When he was back beside Chris, he let you go and circled the two of you before he sat blocking your path to your escape.

 “Good boy,” Chris muttered, scratching behind his ear. “I’m sorry if I came off terse, I was just surprised. I wasn’t expecting to see you sitting on my deck.”

 “No, you have no reason to apologize. I understand. This is your place. I should have turned my ass around a long time ago. No wonder you’re mad.”

 “Y/N, shut up. I’m not mad. Surprised. Come on.” Chris walked ahead of you onto the deck and toward the door with Dodger on his heels. When he realized you weren’t following him and Dodger, he stopped and looked to you.

 “What’s the problem?”

 “Uh—nothing.”

 “Aren’t you coming?”

 “I wasn’t—planning to,” you responded.

 “Come on. It’s dinner time. Let me feed you.”

 That was all it took for your mind to go into the gutter and your eyes to drop to his crotch. He must have known too because his hips jutted forward. You had to bite your tongue extra hard, not to say what you really wanted to say.

“Jesus, you’re killing me,” Chris grunted before he walked inside, leaving the door open for you.

 Like an idiot, you stood there. You didn’t know what to do. If you went inside, you were worried you’d do something you couldn’t take back. He didn’t come back out or say anything else. After about ten minutes, you slowly walked inside and closed the door behind you. The coast was clear. You walked more in and around the corner and saw Chris in the kitchen with his back turned busy making whatever dinner was.

 “Took you long enough. That’s yours,” he said as he turned and slopped two rounded meat circles on the stovetop. It instantly sizzled and smoked. Beside the stovetop, you saw an opened bottle of beer. It was like he knew you’d come in.

 “If you took any longer, it would have gotten warm. There’s nothing worse than warm beer.”

 “Really? I could think of plenty of things,” you responded before you took a swig.

 “Like what?” Chris plopped two more meat circles on the stovetop to add to the sizzle.

 Monetarily lowering the bottle, you said the first thing that came to mind. “Blue Balls.”

 Once he heard it, he looked at you. There was amusement in his eyes, but his lips were not giving anything away.

“Oh, so you’ve had blue balls.”

 “What you think women can’t get blue balls? We can.”

 “And you’ve had it?”

 “Have you?” Your counter question had him scoffing before he took a long gulp from his beer.

 “I’m a man in his thirties, of course, I’ve had blue balls,” he admitted.

 You finished your beer, hoping it would stop you from asking a highly personal question.

 “How many burgers usually fill you up?”

 You hopped onto the island and crossed your legs. “How many fill you up?”

 “I’m a big boy,” Chris began.

 “I’ve heard.”

 His smile was an embarrassed one. He looked away from you and to the stovetop to focus on the burgers. You watched him add three more meat circles to it and watched on as he tended to them. When he sprinkled several seasonings on the patties, you smiled. There were plenty of people who didn’t season burger meat with anything but salt and pepper. He’d gone far beyond salt and pepper; you were relieved. In no time, the house filled up with the smell of juicy burgers. Your belly rumbled, bringing his attention back to you.

 “Hungry, huh.”

 “More than you’ll ever know.” The two of you stared for a few long moments before he looked away.

 “Since I know you don’t do a salad with your burgers, if you open the freezer drawer, you’ll find some onion rings. Think you can manage popping them in the oven?”

 Obliging him, you did as he asked. The two of you moved around the galley kitchen together. His body was tight, and it looked like he was taking extra care not to bounce you. Every time you got close to touching him, he slinked away from you, creating more space. The first and second time he did it, you found it interesting. By the ninth and tenth, you were amused and ready to tease the shit out of him.

 Noticing his bottle was empty, you bent inside the fridge and took two more out. When you handed him the opened bottle, you peered into his eyes flirtatiously. You didn’t know why but something about him brought out your flirtatious side. You wanted to tease him and make him beg for you. When he took the bottle, he took a sip while keeping his eyes on you. The only reason he looked away was the scent of the burgers charring too quickly.

 The sound of the conventional oven’s bell had you slinking past him grazing his body with your hip. You heard him hiss out felt his body tense. He was easy, you thought. Once you’d taken the onion rings out, you brought them to the back deck, ensuring to play up the sway of your hips. When you walked back, Chris looked to you.

 “These are practically done,” he informed.

 “Then you need a plate.” You walked behind him toward one of the cupboards. “Which one?”

 “The one on top,” Chris answered.

 You reached to the top but still couldn’t reach the platter that was there. After a few moments of struggle, you heard a scoff.

 “Too short?” You felt his presence before you felt him. The heat of his body was an unexpected but welcomed feeling. “Don’t worry, I got you,” Chris whispered before his body pressed against your back.

 A sigh escaped you that ended on a groan. Then you felt his crotch press against your ass. Your eyes closed, and you bent just a little, so your ass pressed more prominently against him. Chris’s groan was the clue you needed to know he liked what he felt. Neither of you moved. You both just froze and relished the feel of your bodies pressed together in this new way. You felt his beard tickle the exposed skin of the nape of your neck, and you’d never wanted someone to bite and mark you as much as you wanted it now. He didn’t bite you, though. You waited and waited, but still, the dull ache of his bite never came. He did press his lips to your ear. You heard him take a deep breath before he spoke.

 “You’re not the only one who can tease, Y/N.” It was a guttural whisper that lingered in the air as long as his body lingered against yours. You were sure your panties were flooded, and that was when he moved from you, leaving you with an ache between your legs you knew was going to bother you all night. You looked up, and the platter was gone.

 “Maybe you can grab the beers and meet on the deck,” Chris suggested as he walked away, leaving you in the kitchen with your desires.

 When you walked out back, you had two six-packs of beer in one hand and a bottle of whiskey you’d found on one of the shelves. Chris wasn’t there, and your grumpy ass didn’t care. Wasting no time, you popped the cork of the whiskey and poured yourself a glass full before you knocked it back. The burn was excruciating but wonderful. It distracted you from the ache in another place.

The two of you ate in mostly silence. Your thoughts were miles away, thinking of what happened in the kitchen and how easily he’d turned the tables on you. When your mind wandered to your conversation with your mother from earlier, you decided to bring it up.

 “Why didn’t you ever tell me you check in on my parents and send them gifts and cards?”

 Chris slowed his chew no doubt using the extra time to think of what he was going to say. After almost a minute, he swallowed.

 “It’s not a big deal. I was brought up to be respectful.”

 “Respectful is answering yes ma’am and no sir. What you’ve been doing goes above and beyond. Why do you do it?”

 “Why?”

 “Yeah. Everyone does everything for a reason. What was your angle?”

 Chris scoffed and shook his head, but he didn’t answer. Instead, he put onion ring after onion ring in his mouth as he stared at you. The fact that he wasn’t answering was getting to you, and he knew it. His smirk appeared.

 “Well?”

 “Who hurt you, Y/N?”

 Your jaw dropped. It was an unexpected question. “What?”

 “You heard me. Who hurt you? What was his name so I can find him and beat his ass.”

 “No one—no one hurt me.”

 “Bullshit. There is no way you’re like this for no reason,” Chris countered.

 “Like what?”

 “So distrustful, so skeptical or everyone.”

 “How do you know it’s of everyone and not just you?” Chris stopped mid-chew and stared at you.

 “Okay. Is it just me you’re like this with? Are you like this with him?”

 You knew he meant Charles. He always referred to Charles as “him.”

 “None of your business,” you retorted. Chris snorted.

 “Nah, you’re like this with him too. So, who hurt you?”

 Feeling naked and vulnerable, you poured another glass of the whiskey and gulped it. This was not a conversation you wanted to have.

 “Okay. I didn’t have an angle. I like your parents; I respect your parents. I wanted to do some nice things for them. I was able, so I did.”

 “Just like the Air B&B?”

 He nodded, confirming it. “Look, if I overstepped, tell me. I’ll stop.”

 You thought about it for a few moments and sighed. “It’s fine. I’m sorry for being a bitch. I just—I appreciate you looking out for them.”

 Chris studied you then nodded. The silence between you stretched for minutes.

 “So it wasn’t my parents who made you promise to stay away from me. That leaves Scott or someone else in your family.”

 Chris sighed and leaned back. “It doesn’t matter.”

 “It does,” you countered.

 “Why? What does it matter? You hate me, end of story. Me promising to stay away from you means nothing because staying away from you would have been inevitable,” Chris ranted.

 “I never said I hate you.”

 “You sure act like it.”

 That stung, but it was true. You did act like you hated him. In hindsight, you saw it was your defense mechanism. If he hated you, you’d hate him right back that way, it didn’t matter how he treated you; you wouldn’t feel any way about it. That was all biting you in the ass now.

 “Three years, huh,” you broke the silence with.

 “Three years,” Chris repeated.

 “This is bizarre.”

 “Why?”

 “All this time I’ve thought things were one way when they were the opposite,” you explained.

 “If you don’t hate me, what do you feel?”

 Staring at him, you swirled the glass and thought about just what it was you felt. You knew attraction and desire were in there, but you didn’t know what else. You gulped down the rest of the whiskey and chased it with your beer and groaned.

 “I don’t know what I feel, Chris. That’s a problem for me. I always know what I feel. I always know what I want. I have no clue right now. It’s like I’m out of control. I hate being out of control. I want all the control.”

 “What will make you feel like you have the control?”

 “The fuck if I know. I was doing fine thinking you were a dick, and now I don’t think you’re a dick. I don’t know what to think when I think of you anymore. This doesn’t even matter because you’re supposed to stay away from me anyway.” You stood and walked across the deck, facing your back to him while staring out to the darkness in the trees.

 “It’s the hardest promise to keep. You have no idea. For the last three years, I’ve wanted to do the opposite. I’ve wanted you in so many moments. I was at a premiere a few months ago, and I wanted you to be there with me. I’m lying in my bed, and I imagine what it would be like if you were laying next to me. I’m grocery shopping and think about you doing it with me. I see you in so many moments, and I want you in too many of them.”

 Holy shit, you thought. In less than two minutes, he’d managed to take your breath away. You turned, and there he was, less than two feet from you.

 “Holy shit, Chris,” you whispered.

 “I know, that was heavy, but it is just a fraction of what’s going on in my head, in my--.” Clenching his jaw, he looked away from you to the deck floor to shuffle his feet.

 “This is new for me, Y/N. It’s new, and it’s only with you.”

 As if someone was pulling at the invisible string between you, both of you drifted to each other, closing the space there. Your faces were now inches apart, and with every passing second, those inches disappeared until your foreheads were pressed together.

 “Fuck it, I’m going to break this promise,” Chris whispered before his lips crashed to yours.

 It was like an “aha” moment. As soon as your lips touched, the wind picked up and blew ferociously around you and through the trees. The kiss was an exploratory one, a timid one—one that reeked of apprehensiveness and fear. Both of you were reluctant to cross the line, but you both knew the line was going to be so far behind you in a matter of seconds. That was the definition of inevitable.

 The kiss intensified, and soon the fight was between your lips. You both were battling for control over the other, and neither of you was letting up and giving in. When you heard his deep moan, yours was unleashed seconds later. Chris’s hand wrapped around your waist and pulled you flush against him before his other hand clasped the base of your skull to kiss you more fervently.

 Before you knew it, you’d backed him to the picnic table you were just eating on and had pressed his back to it. When you climbed onto the table and straddled him, Chris groaned and pulled at your hair, making you moan louder and want more from him. The way he kissed you had you feeling as if you’d just woken up from a long sleep, a sleep that had held you captive for far too long. You were famished. As your hips began to grind on him, Chris groaned loudly, sat up, stood, and turned you to the table. With your legs wrapped around his back, Chris grabbed your exposed thigh and squeezed before he pulled you to the edge of the table. You now felt his need, and you were ready.

 When your hands dropped to his pants to undo them, he allowed you. Once you’d unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and was ready to dip your hand inside, Chris groaned and pulled away from you.

 “Mmm, no.”

 “What!”

 “Jesus fucking Christ.”

 “Come here,” you bartered.

 He looked like he was weak as he took a few steps to you, but before you could touch him, he pulled away again.

 “Wait, wait, wait.” You spread your legs wider, tired of waiting. Chris’s eyes dropped to your opened legs, and the clench of his jaw returned, only this time the context was different.

 “Y/N,” Chris whined, but he came closer until you laced your fingers behind his neck and plastered your lips to his. This time you took control of the kiss, you dictated how much he got and as you swirled your tongue around his then sucked it you felt his defiance give way until he was again kissing you with as much urgency as you kissed him.

 “Take off your pants,” you whispered against his lips. He groaned his response, but he didn’t move to obey.

 “Take—them—off—daddy.” Again, he groaned, and you felt him grip the back of your neck before his hand moved to your throat to gently hold you there.

 “Say it again.” His voice was gruff as your eyes locked.

 “Daddy.” Everything in his eyes spoke of a dangerous desire, one that you wanted all parts of.

 “Not like this, Y/N,” Chris whispered, pressing his forehead to yours.

 “What?”

 “You don’t want me like this. You don’t deserve this.”

 “This? Deserve?” Chris kissed you again and continued to suck the air from your lungs while replacing it with unadulterated desire.

 “You deserve better than this. Let me give it to you.”

 You looked at him, half confused as to what he was hinting at and even more confused why he was talking and not stripping.

 “Chris--,” you began before he pulled away yet again.

 “Let me be better for you—with you.”

 “How?”

 “A date,” Chris announced.

 “A date? In quarantine? What?”

 “Let me worry about it. Let me wine you and dine you and show you how you should feel about me,” Chris proposed. You sat there horny and unable to think past what you wanted between your thighs.

 “Fuck, Chris. Are you really saying no to this—to me?”

 “Trust me; I can’t believe I’m saying this or even doing this. I don’t know what the hell has gotten into me. I just know I don’t want to just—,” Chris said as he moved his hands around, hoping you got the gist. “Ya know, it feels wrong with you. I want to do this right; I want to do right by you.”

 “And a date is doing right?”

 “It’s a start,” Chris added.

 You were speechless. You were also out of your depth here with him. He was blowing your mind and going against every preconceived notion you’d had of him from rumors and internet sites and even stories from Scott and your friends. You didn’t know the man standing before you.

 “What do you say?”

 You covered your face with your hands and rubbed it hoping to clear away the haze that seemed reluctant to go away. “Fine.”

 “Okay, fine.” His smile was beautiful, so beautiful it did things to you that had your belly doing backflips.

 “Fuck,” you whispered.

 “Come on, let me walk you back.”

 You rolled your eyes half hating him, but you allowed him to walk you back.

 The entire walk you were miles away thinking about what almost happened and what you still wanted to happen. When Chris said good night at the door of the guesthouse, he lingered in the doorway, clearly questioning his resolve to leave. The way he looked at you made your skin tingle and your heart race. One man definitely shouldn’t have this much power over women. He was like pure sex on a walking stick. You wanted him more than you’d ever wanted anyone before him—including Charles. That thought was enough for you to run for the hills, but thanks to the wetness between your legs, you remained there and tempted him to give in. When he sighed and dipped his head, you knew he wasn’t going to.

 “Good night, Y/N.” Chris came closer and kissed your forehead before he walked off. Deep down you knew it was going to be a restless and painful night. When you closed the door, you pressed your back on it and groaned out.

 “Motherfucker! I want to fuck my best friend’s brother.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List: 

@chaneajoyyy @sonjashuterbugjohnson @disneysdarlingdiva @bellaamor88 @toniilaney @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @ajspencer1892 @ashanti-notthesinger @90sinspiredgirl @titty-teetee @evemej @areubeingserved @theskullgoddess @caramara3 @champagnesugamama @minton131 @pananegra @scoop93535 @try-n-pronounce-it @dumbchick @behindthesehazeleyes27 @blackmissfrizzle @nervousninjatheorist @dangerouslovefanfic  @surmya1907 @give-me-a-million-dollars-pls @thinkxlovexloud @chris-butt @swinchestersgirl @momobaby227 @alyxkbrl @angrybirdcr @d1ff3r3nt-b34uty-official @twinx007 @a-dizzle777 @ab-baybay @patzammit @kreolemami @aysha1447 @cutewylie @disaster-rose @wondersofdreaming @lo-cheu @livinglifeformemyselfandi @magdelen69 @snowpiercer21 @renfrewscorner @thevelvetseries @mery-be @hakunalive4eva @anandalambert @youurkryptonite @mizcaptainphoenix @bobbdylann @emilykjhgsj @littlepreciousangel @ssaarroonn @thummbelina @sweetlittlegingy @art-estrange @torntaltos @rynabarnesrogers @rororo06 @anotherblackfangirl @bernie-k @theonewithherheadintheclouds @hista-girl  @coldmuffinbanditshoe @jennmurawski13 @deathstroke-terminated-deez-guts @maxcullen @shadyskit @someone-really-bored @thejemersoninferno @itsallyscorner @cristinagronk16 @shakemeupthanks-blog @acciolove724 @straightforwardly @zsuzstyina @acevansss @evansgirl7 @jovanaprime @deadlymistress24 @sunkissedebony97 @turn-thy-paige @amelatonin @nerdybitchpudding @amennariee @likesfairytales @maverickabull @est1887 @periodtcevans @thotti3par7on @vintageembrace @produtofchina @jd-now-jq @winchwm @jesseswartzwelder @pivictorious @anat2507 @euh-say-what-now @raveviolet @rdjparker @actorinfluence @sadishdelray @041802 @ljstraightnochaser @priya212 @evermcfearless @tashawar @dwights-new-plague @renfrewscorner @baby-iyania @euphoric05  @thelilbutifulthings @winterboobear11 @awaywithtime​ @problackasfwilson @brownskinafro @miss-jackson500 @siempremamita  @theladybiers @evermcfearless @ibe-erynn @marvelatthis30 @kailyndavillier @literaturefeen @richonne4life @ani808 @scifi-fantasist @mizzzpink @creolemimi @cessamjrmr @disconectedswift @i-lie-here-charmed @bamakakechick @captainchrisstan @martinafigoli @almosttherebunot @letsdothemostermash @spxcecxramxl @queenwinchester27 @chrisevansfanfic @thejeneralvicinity @doublesidedscoobysnacks @sophiealiice @imaslutforcaptainamerica @redhairedfeistynerd  @mirmirmur @nico-diangelo-grey @ibe-erynn @amazonian-strap-queen @cookinggurl43 @jasmindaughteroftheworld @letsdothemonstermash @almosttherebutnot @munteanhore @blackgurlkillinit @madixii @cessamjrmr @smediumsmeatbae

***There are a few that are bold that I tried to tag but your @ wasn’t coming up. I’m not sure why. I’m sorry.

[sukirichi]

— LOVE LETTER FROM ANON ; 💌

this is from an ask i received. i copy pasted and replied here as a text post since i can’t put “read more” on anon asks and it’s quite long hehehe. to the anon who sent me this, i give you loads of my love, thank you so much for everything !!

[ the ask ]

hi lovely,

i just read earned it and i have a couple things i’d like to say to you if you don’t mind. before i start, i completely understand if you don’t want to share this ask or even read at all which is fair. but if you do decide to read it, i know that one person such as me cannot change the decisions a writer had made such as discontinuing a series but i hope that this allows you some sense of peace or happiness towards your creation and end of earned it. i’m actually writing this is my notes before i send it to you so that’s how you know i truly mean it. buckle up baby!

i’d like to start with this; i just read and finished all the remaining chapters of earned it. i don’t know how to say this without sounding arrogant or cocky which truly isn’t my intention here, i promise so i’ll just say it as is. i swear to ever loving god, i’ve scoured the entirety of tumblr, ao3, fanfiction.net, wattpad, everything and anything, and it still isn’t very often that i find works like these, far and few between dare i say. ive looked through almost everything i could get my hands on to read in the jjk fandom and dear god, do you manage to keep on surprising me. i’ve read majority if not all your works along with following you on ao3 and tumblr, and i must say. i truly am so fucking impressed. completely and absolutely fucking floored if you will. the amount of plot twists and pure emotion you managed to put into this is only something i can dream of ever creating.

i cannot lie, it truly my hearts to think that people gave you so much shit over this to which ended in you deciding to discontinue along with your lack of interest which at least, is understandable unlike the hate. i literally cannot comprehend how people would be unhappy with the outcome so far after reading it since it was beyond fucking magnificent in my eyes. it kept me on my toes the entire time whilst never managing to bore me once and as someone with adhd, thats fucking hard to do, i’ll admit it. props to you. and as much as i want to grovel and beg for crumbs, something, anything to know about how it ends, i know that that will most likely accomplish nothing to both you and i so decided to just say this.

thank you for writing this. thank you for not only writing it but dealing with the experience of unwanted and negative criticism to the point you had to stop and discontinue it whilst also being generous and amazing enough to keep it up so other people could still read it. i really hope your proud of earned it and how it turned out so far, because if i were you, i’d be so bloody fucking proud i wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

my friends often tell me i overstep my boundaries and i really hope i aren’t doing that with this but i just really, truly, wanted to express my genuine appreciation and thanks towards your writing and towards you as a writer that puts out content, not to mention for free!!!!, for people like me. i also don’t want to seem as if i’m glorifying earned above all your other works, because that’s not what i mean. your writing is just… just fucking chefs kiss. sorry, my brains starting to run out of words at this point but oh my god. thank you for letting me experience the experience of earned it even though there was no proper end. i’d rather have that than nothing at all. and maybe i misread this entire thing, maybe you are goddamn proud of your work, which you fuckinf should be considering the pure quality it is. once again, chefs kiss!!

i just… i don’t know what to say anymore. your writing, quite literally, has made me completely fucking breathless in a good way of course. anyways, i hope this wasn’t too much of a ramble and at least managed to make you smile or something. have a lovely day sweetheart!!!! <333 :*)

OMG ANON PLS FORGIVE ME IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME DAYS TO RESPOND TO, I DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE YOU A HALF ASSED RESPONSE SO I WAITED TO GET MY MENTAL ENERGY BACK TO A HUNDRED PERCENT SO I CAN SEND BACK MORE LOVE TO YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY !! FIRST OF ALL UHM… 

you really made me speechless with this one, you have no idea. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve reread this and teared up a little bit because you know… I’m so shocked like I really have no idea what I did to receive such a sweet message because I’m just writing silly fanfics when I’m feeling it yknow? Or at least that’s what it seems like because it turns out I have a huge impact on others and I’m able to make people happy like I’ll never EVER get used to that feeling and I mean that in a good way !! Like I’m in a constant state of disbelief that people are this affected by my content and I’m just… 

I’m so thankful truly PLEASE can I give you a hug I’m so happy sobs sobs sobs

also baby, thank you sm for this again AAAAHH. I’m not sure if you really mean ‘Earned It’ the mafia! gojo series or ‘Reckless’ the CEO gojo series though ?? Both are discontinued but Earned It was discontinued bcos my dumbass killed Naoya there and he was my favorite so I lost the motivation and it was all my fault SOBBSSS. as for Reckless though, yeah I’d say it was mostly the hate I got for it that demotivated me into continuing it :// but if this ask is meant for Earned It, then yes thank you so much for the kind words as well, though I didn’t really receive hate for it so no worries !!

and aaah anon im…I’m at a loss for words lmao but the part where you said where you would be proud if you wrote it, that’s really…LIKE IDK it just hit me bcos oftentimes I look at something I poured my heart into, but then I’d have days where I’d be like YIKES that wasn’t a good one. its so easy to forget the effort we put into something when we’re affected by external factors. and yeah even though I really don’t want to continue either series anymore, thank you for leaving me the important note of being proud of myself <33 

although the series (earned it) wasn’t really something I’d properly executed and planned for, I do remember being passionate over it and feeling truly excited to update. even if it didn’t end out the way I wanted it to, it’s still something I poured my heart on and that’s magnificent on its own, so I’ll be prouder of myself from now on <33

no worries bb you are not overstepping any boundaries at all !! believe me when I say this ask truly do means a lot to me – more than you’ll ever know. messages like these are what keeps me going, as feedback is important to writers, but most of all it’s the genuine support and sincerity that gets to me. 

I’m truly humbled and grateful right now. thank you for this again and again and again.

THIS MADE ME MORE THAN SMILE !! there’s a lot of things I’m struggling with even if I don’t publicly express it, but messages like these will always have a special place in my heart. I’m sincerely grateful for everything, and I’ll continue writing here and sharing my works!! It’s supportive people like you that make these moments worthwhile. I’ll never forget this message anon AAAAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU THANK YOU YOU HAVE AN EVEN BETTER DAY OR NIGHT, you have me weak in the knees for this

OKAY BRB SOBBING IN HAPPINESS

[alliterative-albatross]

So, I sent you (@disgruntledspacedad) a pretty long ask a while ago (back when you had anon on) and I'm decently sure Tumblr ate it (or maybe you ignored it, in which case, feel free to ignore this one as well). But then I saw one of those "writers appreciate feedback no matter how long" posts, so I'm back here. Here is my mediocre attempt to rewrite my original review of your work. Bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if at any point my phrasing sounds weird to you, you know why. Mandatory disclaimer/apology: this might get a little too long 😅

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

I remember being SO mad at myself for not finding this sooner. I binge read it one afternoon with no thoughts for any real life responsibilities I might have had (and no regrets). Javiears is one hell of an unconventional relationship in the beginning, and I really love what you did with them. The whole premise of your story is quite refreshing, and you somehow manage to convey the trust and mutual respect there two feel for one another without explicitly showing us the beginning of their "entanglement".

Also, fuck you for what you did to poor Emilio, that man was a saint and he deserved better! I honestly can't believe that I got so attached to a character that appeared so little in the story, but it happened, and his death kind of broke my heart.

But the Javiears reunion + mild confession was lovely, and felt completely deserved. And of course the sex scene. I won't lie, I expected a bit better from Javi there, but I did like how utterly /human/ it was. Capturing that humanity, the imperfections in each character is something you're really good at (more on that later).

AFTERSHOCKS

Ah, my emotionally constipated babies who really need to work out their communication issues. I do love them, though. And this short series did a really good job of delving a bit deeper into Ears's and Javi's psyche. Kudos to you for dealing with the medical "aftershocks" of living through an explosion AND using that experience to move your emotional plot forward. These two need to grow a lot before they can get to a stable point in their relationship, and you really manage to convey their insecurity and fear of commitment/intimacy while making it clear that they're in it for the long run and that theirs is a relationship that WILL work out so help them God.

IF I FALL

Ouch. Punch me in the gut while you're at it, why don't you?

But seriously, "If I Fall" is SO FUCKING GOOD. Don't get me wrong, it's angstier than an image of Jesus on the cross (don't judge me, it's Holy Week and I just got home from accompanying my grandma to church), but it somehow works beautifully. You, my dear, play heartstrings like they're a fucking guitar and I AM HERE FOR IT.

You're doing an amazing job at making me feel everything these characters are feeling, which is both awful (bc pain) and impressive.

Also, if anything happens to Ana I will cry, because she is adorable and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also, if anything happens to Ears I will cry, because she is badass and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also also, if anything happens to Javi I will cry, because he is loving and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Basically, I am really invested in the well-being of these characters and can't wait until they're happy and safe again (please tell me they will be, my heart can't handle much more pain).

A quick note on the angst complaints: yes, this story is way angstier than most other fics out there and it can be a bit too much at times, especially considering how many chapters of pain it's been. BUT it's obvious that "If I Fall" NEEDS this amount of angst to get where it's going, to send the message it wants to and to properly develop its characters. The pain is as important to this story as flour is to bread. You may not like eating flour on its own (I don't think anyone does), but you love bread (because bread is amazing) and you must recognize that bread NEEDS flour to work. It wouldn't be bread otherwise. And eating the flour as part of the bread even makes you like the flour because the bread is just DELICIOUS.

I fully understand and sympathize with the people who have elected to table "If I Fall" until it's completed so they can binge read it knowing there's a happy ending in sight, but in case you're feeling a bit self conscious about all the angst, please know that your story is beautiful not in spite of the pain, but rather /because of it/.

PS: No, I'm not high/drunk, I just really like bread

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Silly thing to comment on, I know, but I do feel like it's important that you know how useful your ANs have been. There are many details in the story that I simply wouldn't fully get without reading your comments at the end of each chapter, and I appreciate your writing a hell of a lot more knowing how deeply you understand and care for each one of your characters. Plus, it is obvious how much work you've put into researching a country and a time period that are (from what I gather) unfamiliar to you, and I really do believe you've done an amazing job of it.

JAVIER PEÑA

My boy. I love your characterization of this complicated character, and I have eagerly read each and every one of your headcanons about him. I can't really say if your version is fully faithful to the source material because it's been a while since I saw Narcos, but your Javi most definitely reads like a real person. He's fairly consistent as a character, and I feel like everything he does is perfectly natural for him to do as a character. He makes for an unconventional yet deeply interesting romantic lead, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed all his POV chapters/scenes.

OCs

I know you've gotten some flack for making her into an OC halfway into the story, and while I get why the sudden change may have felt like a disappointment for some, I don't share that sentiment. I firmly believe that this fandom is unfairly harsh towards Original Characters and their creators, and I don't really understand why. Listen, I love Reader fics, and consume many Reader fics. I have read dozens, maybe even hundreds, and I can safely say that I've only ever "inserted" myself in approximately 10% of those stories. Reader characters are not as blank as their writers may want them to be. They can't be. They're characters, and character have personalities and moral values and senses of humor and a bunch of other things. Reader characters may not have a backstory or a physical description attached (and even that's not guaranteed), but they're still characters.

And on a more personal note, pretending they're actual blank slates is naive at best and insensitive at worst. Reader characters are American coded 99% of the time, and white coded 95% of the time. Not every readers is white nor American, even if that's the predominant demographic on Tumblr. When I read a JavixReader fic about a woman who speaks exactly zero Spanish, I know she's not me. The story may be beautifully written and have an amazing plot and character development, but the Reader *isn't me*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and some of my favorite xReader stories feature a "reader" who couldn't be more different from me, but it's something that enemies of OC fics should take into account. Particularly if they are white and/or American. But I digress.

HANNAH AARONS

Your character is amazing. She's strong, smart, confident, independent and an all-around badass. She gets kidnapped while pregnant and still focuses on problem solving and survival. But she's also overly guarded and mistrustful, and really needs to work on her communication skills. There are times when I absolutely love her and even admire her, and other times when I want to whack her with a slipper. She's no Mary Sue, but remains interesting and likeable throughout the story. She feels wholly human and real, and that's no easy task. I like her, I am invested in her, and I can't wait to see what's next for her. She's a compelling and three dimensional protagonist in a complex story who never fails to draw me in. I love her. She's your baby, and you should be proud of her.

Also, quick question about personality types: I know you've typed Javi as ESFP and Ears as ENTP (100% agree on both, btw), but have you given any thought to their enneagram types? I personally have always seen Ears as being somewhere on the thinking triad, maybe a 7 or even a 6w7, but I'm not too sure about Javi. 9w8 maybe? He could also be a 6w5 🤔

PARTING THOUGHTS

Basically, I love your story, your characters and your writing in general. You are a fantastic storyteller and wordsmith. You get into the heads of incredibly different characters personality-wise (Ears, Javi, Berna...) and manage to capture all of their complexities and quirks every single time. And it doesn't feel like it's something innate for you either. To me, it seems that you have put a lot of work and effort into understanding each and every one of your characters, who they are, why they do what they do and what they want. And let me tell you, all that effort has been more than worth it. "Better Love" is a fanfic, but it wouldn't be out of place in a regular bookstore, if I'm honest. I don't know what you do for a living or if you've ever considered writing professionally, but you clearly have the skills and the drive to create some masterpieces.

You are amazing and your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us, and have a nice day! ~ 🍪

~

My friend, I apologize for hoarding your first ask. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy going back and rereading it. It gave me a lot of comfort when I was in a pretty dark place, both personally and in regards to my writing, and I was reluctant to send it out into the the abyss of Tumblr where I might never see it again. 

That’s not fair, though. You put just as much effort into sending me that review as I put into my writing, and I apologize for never responding to you.

Okay, anyway, so twice now, you’ve made me cry. In a good way, I promise! 

I absolutely love your bread/flour metaphor. It made perfect sense. I want the emotional release of Javi and Hannah’s reunion to be earned, and in order to do that, the angst has to come first (there are also a few plot “ingredients” that have yet to make their appearances). Thank you very much for understanding that, and for voicing it so eloquently.

I appreciate your comments on my research and characterization. You’re correct that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into crafting a universe. In a lot of ways, I’m doing my best to stay true to the source material (regarding culture and timelines in particular), and in others, I’m branching into my own territory. 

On that note, I’ve never once regretted fully embracing Hannah Aarons’ identity as an OC. She’s stayed consistent in my mind from the beginning, and it was a relief to finally share my vision of her with the audience. And for the record, I totally agree with you regarding “reader” characters. Every reader insert echoes the perspective of their author, no matter how vague the physical description. I can only imagine how grating that must be from the perspective of a non-white, non-american reader. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! I will certainly keep it in mind the next time I write a “reader insert” fic.

Okay, enneagrams! I am much less familiar with enneagram than I am MBTI, but I agree 110% that Javi is a 9 with a strong 8 wing. I waffled back and forth on Ears a little, but eventually landed on 8w7 for her. It came down to the eight’s deepest fear, which is being controlled. That’s Ears all over, and the fact that she and Javi share that eight willfulness means that they might butt heads a little, which also seems very appropriate for them. Big thanks to @remusstark for her insight into the eight frame of mind - our conversations helped solidify my decision on this. :)

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. The big take-away point that I want you to get is that I am so, so grateful to you, both for your insightful feedback and your dedication in making sure that I actually saw it. You are an absolute gem and a deep thinker, Cookie-Anon, and if you ever feel like sliding into my DM’s, I’d welcome the opportunity to get to know you better.

Mad love and soft hugs, 

~ Jay

[generallybarzy]

hey there, stranger. iii

SERIES MASTERLIST. one, two

summary: it’s time for your second date with Mat! Everything seems like it’s happening so fast, but both of you have been hurt before, so there’s gonna be a little bit of hesitation when it comes to love… maybe you just need to slow it down a bit.

an: hey, i’m sad and stressed lately so here’s some softness! special thanks to my own 🥔 anon for always listening to me rant and helping me out!!!!!

word count: ~4k

If you thought you hit it off well with Mat on the first date, the best was still yet to come.

Ever since that first glance in the cafe to the first text he sent you, you felt there was something special about him. Something that made him different from your past dates. And you were right. He didn’t waste time after exchanging numbers to text you, and you appreciated that. There were no games played, no “maybe I should wait so I don’t seem too desperate”, none of that. You both wanted to spend more time with each other and you weren’t ashamed to admit it. And though you were both a little shy and nervous at first, it was easy. It was easy to talk to each other. You made each other so comfortable, your energies matched, and Mat could always tell when you had a bad day. He asked why you were acting off before you even realized yourself.

He had practice often, and as the hockey season came to a start, he started having games too, and that took up most of his time while studying took up yours. He’d text you whenever he could, though, and he loved to tell you all about his teammates. It was cute how much passion he had, you could already tell how much he loved the game, loved his team, his teammates. He truly loved them, the way he gushed about his friends, about Anders and Ebs, and Tito and many others, and it just made you care for him even more. And you couldn’t help but smile every time you woke up to a good morning text way before your nine a.m. classes and then a deflated “sorry, i have to get to practice now :(”

“Have fun, mat :)”

And, not that you’d know until much later, it always gave Mat butterflies.

Through the mess of his practice and games and your studying and babysitting, it was hard to find time to hang out again. For a while you were stuck in a loop of texting and sending cute snaps of yourselves to each other, but you were both wanting your days off to match up so you could see each other again. You were stuck in the weird phase of texting every chance you got, even though you’d only seen each other once. You were tired of the “How was your day?” Not that you didn’t appreciate it, but you wanted to be able to talk about something else. And while you wanted desperately to do more than text with him, a part of you was scared. Scared that if you started hanging out again, the connection wouldn’t be there. Scared that the spark isn't really there. Maybe it was the giddy first date nerves and the fact that he was cute. It was inevitable that there was going to be something wrong with this. Things were never perfect, were they?

Then, after over a month since you’d seen him in person last, it happened. The moment you both realized your schedules matched up again, he offered a date. He played it cool, flirty and sweet, as if he’d been running the lines over in his head for a month- he probably had.

handsome mat: “So, I know you moved to the city last year, and I know it’s crazy to move here all on your own. Has anyone really shown you around yet? Showed you their favorite places or recommended any restaurants?”

“Not really. Are you offering?"

handsome mat: “Well, I can’t have you getting lost, can I? Who would go out with me then?” You had turned red at that message and struggled for a bit to find a way to respond. Before you could get over the butterflies and come up with a coherent response, your phone chimed again. “How’s saturday sound?”

“Saturdays great :)”

You couldn’t keep the smile off your face for the rest of that week, all your friends in class commented on how giddy you’d been lately, and begged you to give up some information about this guy you’d been talking to. But you weren’t sure if you were there yet. Maybe it was too early to talk to your friends about him like you’d be keeping him around. You hoped that was the case, but it was better to be safe. You texted Rebecca and told her you wouldn’t be able to babysit this weekend, and she had immediately replied with “You have a date with Mat don’t you! :)”. She was quite proud to have been your matchmaker.

And when Saturday rolled around, you got a text from Mat before you were even awake. “Heading to practice, don’t forget about our date today. See you soon :)”

And you did see each other soon. Before you knew it, you were standing outside your dorm building, watching as Mat noticed you from the other side of the street, his eyebrows shooting up in recognition and a smile blooming onto his face. He had Adidas shoes, tight jeans and a dark hoodie with The Office logo on the chest, a hoodie that looked so big and warm you immediately wanted to steal it. He ran his fingers through his hair, which looked particularly fluffy and floppy today, and made butterflies erupt in your belly. You stood there for a bit too long as Mat tried to find a break in the traffic to speed over to you, but when he got to you, he giggled a little bit, that big dumb smile plastered onto his face.

“Hey. I made it.”

“You did.” There was a brief moment of shyness between the two of you, a moment of nervous ‘Should I hug you?’ but that was soon forgotten. You were happy just to be in his presence, and he was happy too. "’The Office’, huh?" You pointed to his hoodie and his eyes glanced down.

"Yeah? You like it?" He grinned as if he had struck gold. As if he was proud of his choice of clothes today just because you liked it. "Think it's something we could watch together then?"

Your face went hot at the thought of laying on the couch with Mat, cuddled close to his chest and feeling his body pressed against yours. The weight of him against you, the heat radiating from his body to yours. “Yeah, we can watch it together.”

“Nice.” He let out a breath, a little sigh of relief, and the idea that he was so excited to spend more time with you made your heart flutter. “So uhh.” He reached his hand out with a little shrug. “Should we go?” He was offering you his hand.

And, after a few seconds, you took it.

It was the same as the night you held hands in the uber. His hand was huge in comparison to yours. It was big and warm and incredibly soft for a hockey player and made you wonder if he was the type of man to really take care of himself. If he would be the type to have spa nights with you. Oh god, you hoped that was true. It was the same as the other night, the way butterflies were hard at work in both of your tummies, the way your hearts were deafeningly loud, and your smiles giddy and unable to be held back. But, it was different this time. Your hands weren’t cupped together like before, but, entwined, palm to palm, your fingers tangled together comfortably. His hand absolutely swallowed yours up, and it felt so perfect, so right, that in that moment it didn't matter what you labeled your relationship as-- if you were just dating, or exclusive- all you knew there was something about him. Something special.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

He smiled down at you, squeezing your hand in his gently. “So, where do you wanna start? We could head up to the Park, walk around a bit, get some food, go shopping...”

“Any of that sounds amazing. Can I show you something first?”

“Lead the way.”

You planned on taking the subway up to Central Park and walking around there for a bit, but first, you intended to show Mat your favorite place to hang out between classes- only a short walk from your dorm building, was the best view you could find of the Brooklyn Bridge. The most Instagrammable place you knew of in the whole city, and you’d definitely posted a few too many photos here. You walked along the streets, hand in hand, and stopped as soon as you turned the corner and saw that view. You looked up at Mat, smiling, proudly showing off your favorite spot.

“Damn… that’s so cool.”

“Right?” It wasn’t really that intimate, it’s not like this was some hidden away nook of the city, there were people walking all around you right now, but it felt intimate to show Mat your favorite place. “You’ve been here longer than me, I feel like you should know the best places, not me.”

“Well, I don’t really hang out around this spot a bunch. That's probably why we’ve never run into each other.” He looked back up at the view in front of you and moved his hand to his pocket, and you had a sudden feeling of loss at the lack of hand in yours- what do I do with my hand when he’s not holding it? “Hold still.”

“What?” You turned around from your spot where you’d been gazing up at the Brooklyn Bridge to see Mat with his phone’s camera aimed towards you, a dumb smile on his face.

“I said hold still!” He whined, motioning for you to turn around again. “This is gonna be a nice picture.”

You turned for him, smiling and posing in front of the beautiful view. “So we take pictures of each other now?”

“Well, I need a profile picture for you on my phone. And it feels weird to screenshot one from Instagram, sooooo…”

“You looked through my Insta?”

“I mean… yeah.” He scratched the back of his neck, suddenly acting bashful. “I mean… I just wanted to learn a little more about you, ya know? Is that weird? Haven’t you looked through mine?”

“I haven’t.” Not yet.

“Oh, well now I feel creepy…” he trailed off and lowered his phone. “Uh, sorry. This is weird. We don’t have to take a picture if you don’t want to.”

“Mat,” you reached for his hand, curling your fingers around his wrist. If he was ready for this, so were you. You wanted nothing more than to be together, to have physical proof on your phone that you had someone to hold now. “Only if I can take some of you.”

He grinned at your acceptance as he brought his phone back up to snap a few pictures. “There!” He seemed to relax, his shoulders falling into a gentle, content pose as he gazed at the pictures of you in his phone. And then he was beside you, flipping the camera on selfie mode and curling his arm around your waist, “This good?” You nodded, and he tilted his cheek down against the top of your head. You smiled immediately, feeling giddy just at actually seeing yourself and Mat together in the camera. Both your cheeks were flushed. You didn’t even realize when Mat took the picture, you were too busy staring at how cute the two of you looked together. How perfect you looked together.

Was he really going to be the one for you?

Mat gleamed at you in the mirror of his screen, and you were too caught up in the image of yourself smiling- it had been a long time since you smiled because of a relationship you were in- to remember to take a picture of him, too. He grabbed your hand once again, sliding the digits of his fingers between yours and cradling your hand in his, keeping you warm and cozy against his side in the late November chill. “Now let’s get up to the Park, yeah?”

You continued to hold Mat’s hand the rest of your adventure, while you were jumping onto the Subway and finding a space to stand together- Mat had insisted you hold onto him instead of the gross germ-infested Subway poles- and when the train jerked to a start and you gripped Mat’s side even tighter so you wouldn't go stumbling backward. You smiled together all the way up to Central Park, to all the little nooks and crannies of the city that could only be found by someone who’d been there a while already. He held your hand tight, pulling you along and getting laughter to bubble to your lips every time he pointed something out to you with that excited puppy-dog look in his eyes. You noticed elderly couples smiling at you on the street as you and Mat grabbed a bite to eat from a food truck and you realized how much like a couple you and Mat seemed already. Is that what you were? Were you two a couple already? Or were you stuck in that weird phase of dating but not quite exclusive? You really, really hoped it was exclusive, but you weren’t sure what Mat wanted. You weren't sure what he was used to, or expecting from this, and the lack of communication was killing you. How could you bring it up to him?

Later on, your little trip up to Central Park led you back down into Brooklyn, as Mat insisted you end the day with showing you his favorite places near his apartment. So you took the Subway all the way back down to his favorite spots in Brooklyn, the sun falling lower and lower by the minute. He had a smile on his face as he pointed out Barclays center with a proud “that’s where we play!”, and promised to take you to a game as soon as your schedule cleared up. He showed you around different museums and promised to spend another day there, but the sun was going down, and the two of you found yourselves sitting on a little bench in Prospects Park, not far from the cafe where you’d first met.

“Sooo,” Mat squeezed his arm around your shoulders and looked down at you with a gentle gaze. “Obviously, I’m not gonna post those pictures from earlier anywhere, okay? But… if it’s okay with you, can I show them to my friend? I won’t send them, I just wanna tell him about you. He’ll keep it private, I promise.”

Your stomach was going flips at the thought of Mat’s friends knowing about you, but you loved it. You loved slowly becoming integrated into his life, and couldn’t wait to tangle him in yours as well. “Sure, Mat,”

He grinned. “I’m so happy whenever I’m with you.”

You set your head on his shoulder, giggling a little bit at the feeling. “I’m happy with you, too.” The sun was beginning to go down, but you couldn’t enjoy the sunset like you wanted to. Instead, dark clouds were rolling in over the city.

“Oh shit.” Mat looked up, feeling a few suspicious raindrops, and pulled you to your feet, his hand in yours, as the rain started to come down gently and then harder and harder until it was practically pouring down on you. Mat pulled you aside into a small coffee shop, “Probably my favorite in the city”, he commented as he urged you to one of the corner tables. “I’ll go order some warm drinks, okay? Sit tight.” He came back in a few minutes, and as you sat back with each other, waiting for your order to be called, Mat sighed, gazing wistfully out the window to where it was pouring buckets. “Sorry, I should’ve probably checked the weather before deciding on this date."

"No, this is fine. I love the rain."

He smiled. "That's good to know." And then he was jumping up and stepping forward to grab your drinks as the barista called out his name. When he returned with both drinks in his hands, he smirked. "That’s good to know, cause I need to start learning what you like."

It only took a moment for you to recognize why he was giving you that cheeky look as he handed you your coffee. A cheeky little smirk as if he was waiting for something that you didn't know about. After your first sip of the drink Mat had ordered for you, you knew. "Oh my god, Mat!" He laughed and nodded to himself as if proud. It was the drink he had been reading the receipt for over and over when he was nervous in front of you on your first date. He had remembered, "You remembered my order?"

"How could I forget?"

"Wow…" you glanced at his own drink, trying to memorize his order. Black coffee, a hint of vanilla, a splash of almond milk… It made you smile, learning such a thing about him.

"How about we head outside?"

"I'd like that."

Outside, the rain was pouring down and the air had gone chilly. You regretted your choice of outfit when the wind blew through your thin sleeves and a shiver racked through your body.

"Are you cold?" You glanced up to meet Mat's gaze.

"I'll be fine."

"No." Before you could stop him, he was setting his drink behind him on the cafe’s windowsill and pulling his hoodie over his head. He messed up his hair in the process, and it was drooping onto his forehead as he held the black bundle of fabric out to you. “Here. I don’t want you to freeze.”

“Well, I don’t want you to freeze either.”

“(Y/N), put it on.” Before you could refuse again, he slipped it over your head himself. “C’mon babe. Let me help you.” Your heart pounded in your chest and you gave in to him, biting your lip at the sound of your new nickname. You couldn’t remember the last time anyone called you babe.

Mat’s couldn’t contain his smile at the sight of you in his hoodie: your cheeks pink and warm, your smile small and shy, gripping the much-too-long sleeves in your hands as you burrowed into his clothes. He couldn’t help but grin at the sight, and he was certain the cold wasn’t gonna bother him if he had this to look at all night, so he lifted an arm to tuck you into his side. You fit against him perfectly.

“So,” He leaned back against the wall of the building, pulling you along with him. You glanced up at him, your eyes looking breathtakingly adorable behind those lashes, fluttering up at him so innocently. You had no idea what you did to him. “So, what did you tell Rebecca you wanted in a guy for her to think to set us up?”

“I don’t know…..” Mat watched you with an awestruck expression as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, looking to the ground. You’re so beautiful... “I just mentioned being lonely. And that none of my dates were going well.”

He gave you a little half-smile. “Honestly, I’m glad your dates haven’t gone well. If they had, we wouldn’t have met.”

“Yeah.” You paused for a moment, glancing out into the rain and lifting your arm to curl around Mat’s waist.

Just right.

“I told her,” you continued, “I was just looking for someone genuine. Someone with a big heart, and a lot of passion for something.” Mat let out a little shy laugh, and the vibrations echoed from his chest into your body. He squeezed you against him and you squeezed his waist too. “You’re the most genuine person I’ve met in a long time. You seem like you really care, you’re interesting, you love what you do. You have a passion. I know you say “sorry for rambling” every time you talk about hockey, but it makes me so happy just to hear you enjoy something. You just give off this energy….. It’s perfect.” In a burst of confidence, your fingers gave a gentle squeeze to his side. “And I told her you have to be funny, too.”

“Yeah?” He tossed his head back and let little chirps of laughter fill the air as if he was amused with your standards. “Am I?”

“You are.”

“Good.”

In that moment, any hesitance you had about whether or not the spark was there or not was gone. You felt it, you were sure Mat felt it too. Now, you just had to act on it. “Did Rebecca tell you anything about me?”

“Hmm,” he thought for a moment, catching your gaze. “Only your name.” And then, with a smile, he pulled you closer. “And that we’re perfect for each other.”

There was little detail you had time to catch, but what you did, you would remember. His arm tight around your waist, his hand gentle and warm stroking your cheek, long fingers pushing back your hair, his pretty hazel eyes slipping shut as he leaned down. The rain falling down around you became deafening in your ears as he leaned in, as his lips came closer and closer to you, curled up at the ends in a little smile. Your heart sped up. He was going to kiss you.

And you were going to panic.

“Woah, uh, wait, wait, wait!”

Mat pulled away from you, his eyebrows furrowed up and worried. “Too soon?” He took a whole step back from you, holding his hands up in surrender. “Too soon. Sorry.”

You didn’t want to stop him from kissing you, you honestly didn’t, and this would be the most romantic place to have a first kiss, but something felt so off. So rushed. You didn’t want to rush things and ruin something that could be so great. You wanted to go slow and steady, you wanted to savor every moment with him. Who knew when it would be over? “No, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be, really.”

“No, I just panicked. I wanna kiss you.” You took his hands and pulled yourself into his embrace, back to where you were seconds earlier. “I really like you, trust me, and I wanna keep hanging out. I wanna date you. Like, officially. Exclusively. I want it to be us.” Mat smiled.

“I want it to be just us, too.”

Your heart fluttered at his soft-spoken confession, admitted with pink cheeks and a shy smile. So he did feel the same way. He did want you and only you. For now, at least. Who knew what could come in the future? “Really?”

“A hundred percent. I haven’t seen anyone else since we met.”

“Wow.” You bit your lip and held back a smile. Everything you’d been feeling towards him, every feeling you’d been worried about, he reciprocated. It was just the two of you. You were in a relationship. You were his girlfriend. “It’s just… still a little scary. I’m scared to jump back into things again.”

“Bad breakup?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too. I understand, okay? We don’t need to rush.”

“Thank you. Trust me, Mat. I… I want to be with you seriously. It'd be such a shame to waste the chemistry we have. I wanna kiss you, I just…” You squeezed his hands, hoping he’d understand. “I think I’ll make you wait a little longer for that kiss, Maty.”

“Alright. No worries” His words were punctuated with laughter as he settled back into your comfortable position from earlier and leaned back against the wall of the coffee shop, gazing out into the rain, then back down at you. “I can wait. However long you need, babe.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

And then, in the pouring rain, after your little heart-to-heart, you couldn’t help but burst out in giggles. This was it. You’d done it, and you were so excited. “So it’s us, then? Us? We? We’re a couple? A couple?” At this, Mat giggled too, overwhelmed with excitement.

“Oh my God, yeah. We’re in a relationship.”

“You’re my boyfriend, Mat.”

His arm squeezed around your waist. “Yeah.” With a content and peaceful smile, he settled his cheek against the top of your head. “You’re my girlfriend, babe.”

[luvdsc]

hi miss cat!!! i was wondering if you had any advice on asking mutuals to beta-read + making friendships here on tumblr? you and your mutuals always seem so close and like irl friends! i'm so sorry if this sounds out of the blue!

hi, honey bee!!! 💛 for asking mutuals to beta read, I just asked them shdjdjd I was like “hey do you wanna read my fic draft” and they were like “hell yeah” so then I just added them to my google doc! tk god (hyoseobie / eggyukhei) actually offered to read my drafts when I was having trouble and she gave me suggestions and whatnot, so she’s my go to for beta reading :’) I will throw every single ridiculous fic idea at her and she responds with 100% energy every time. the dumbing down of love and sweeter than honey wouldn’t have been completed without her !!!! for pussy blocked and august, I believe steph (aqiaquas), ti (m88n), lana (choerrypuffs), moon (wincore), and tk all had access to them. Except !!!! when I was debating on the ending for pussy blocked (aka jeno or jaemin), none of them knew who was endgame, except for moon 💓 she’s an absolute godsend and I heavily discussed everything with her for both august and pussy blocked, especially the ending 💕 so big shout out to her for really helping me out with both of them 🌸🌸

I made friends by either a) gushing about their writing in their ask box or dm’s because have you seen how talented they all are???? or b) they sent me a message! 🥰 I can go more into detail about my closest mutuals below:

tk god (hyoseobie / eggyukhei) — tk was my very first mutual on here and a big reason as to why I even started this blog :’) I found her nct blurbs and fell in love with them and I was like “I wanna write blurbs too!!” so I made this blog and then I sent her an ask and we just kept talking after that 💘 and we got close, and we were supposed to see nct together last june 🤧 nowadays, I just spam her with a lot of meme posts on insta and guilt trip her for dropping yukhei for jaemin and doyoung 😔 I’m sorry for clowning you so much tk

els (taeyongtime) — els is so freaking talented, and I read her tabula rasa fic way back in 2017 when I wasn’t even a fan of nct and didn’t know who each member was. All I knew was that this was the greatest fic I have ever read, and nothing will ever top it. anyway, someone asked me for fic recs, and I had tagged her in it because of course, I would recommend her superior fic 🤩 and then she reached out to me, and now we like to complain about work together lol and text everyday and I send her phyllis pictures and we even mail each other letters !! 💕 also !!!! She’s the closest to my age out of my close friends here, so I feel like it’s super easy to talk to her 💞

lana (choerrypuffs) — she reblogged my neptune’s atlantis fic, and I responded to her reblog and also her blog looked super aesthetic so I clicked on it and then read her fics and was like “wow god tier writing I need to send in some asks to scream about these fics because the TALENT 💓💓” and we talked but we didn’t get close until like a week later when I found this pjo meme and didn’t know who else liked pjo except for her so I randomly dm’ed it to her with some all caps screaming message LOL and now we enjoy shit talking about anything and everything because it’s a safe judge free zone for our unpopular opinions lmaooo and she bullies me for typing all my fics on my phone but it’s ok because at least I’m honest about my bias and I don’t burn toaster strudels in the oven

steph (aqiaquas) — I needed some jeno pictures to make his banner for my not clickbait series and posted a cry for help about it, and she responded !!! I believe she also left a comment earlier regarding my wips about bff renjun faking an aussie accent, but we didn’t talk to each other as much until the jeno pic thing! I dm’ed her for the help and we just continued to talk after that 💕 so thank you jeno I suppose lmaoo and we’re also pen pals now 🥰 big props to her for always giving the nicest advice and for always listening to me 🥺 i talk to her about work issues a lot and we text daily !! I tell her and ti more stuff about me than I do with any of my friends tbh 🤧 I also did a facetime with her and ti a few weeks ago and we got her to stay up past her early bedtime cndjjdjdjdjd she, ti, and i have a gc which she has named “JENO APPRECIATION SOCIETY” LMAO

ti (t-shrt / m88n) — ti left me the kindest words and most detailed asks regarding my fics, and I still cherish them so so much 🥺💗💗 from there, she sent me more asks and I started talking to her more until we began to dm each other! and my god, she just gets me 100% and I can talk to her about anything like even the scariest most personal stuff I don’t tell anyone else about myself, I feel comfy enough to tell her about it, and I hope she feels the same! We text each other everyday and are also pen pals, and I want to visit her and steph one day!!! 💖 honestly I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who has related to me so much before, and you know what? ti, if you’re reading this, I think this is the easy we were talking about before

moon (wincore) — can you believe that we’ve only been friends for 40 days??? I just checked and I am flabbergasted because it feels like so much longer than that. An anon messaged moon a cute ask about how she and I are both yunqis and write fics, and she had tagged me in it! So I sent her an ask, and we were also in the same almost collab, so I dm’ed her afterwards, and we started talking and now she sends me pictures of her doggos and I send pictures of phyllis and I can talk about anything with her and we like to bounce fic ideas off of each other (read: one of us tells the other about a wip and the other person screams and sends a bunch of capslock messages about it) jejdjdjd her only flaw is that she barks at her dogs and doesn’t see this as furry behavior 😔 also we have the same taste in men LOL legends only and I hope she’s having lots of fun in the club listening to t swift rn !!!!

april (dropofgoldensun) — april ilysm okay so she always left the loveliest comments under my fics, and one day, I had this fic idea and was like “I want someone else’s opinion on this” but I wanted a fresh perspective on it, so I decided to dm her out of the blue and ask what she thought of it! And from there, we began to talk more and we also sent each other letters !!! in fact, I got hers last week and it made me 🥺🥺🥺💗💗 I have it pinned up to the corkboard in my room along with drawings by steph 💘

so all in all, I made friends by regularly sending them asks or shooting them a dm, or they sent me asks and continued to have a conversation with me 🥰 as an extrovert, I always love making new friends and never shy away from meeting new people, but I understand that it can be scary for some to reach out and take the first step 🤧 but if you do decide to, you might meet the most wonderful people 💞 I honestly can’t imagine what my life would be like without the friends I made on here now 🤧💖 but also, be careful of stranger danger and talk to those appropriate to your age! quite frankly, for instance, it doesn’t make sense for a 25 year old to want to be friends with a 14 year old. I can understand if the 14 year old wants to ask for advice or something, but having an equal friendship is nearly impossible when you’re at different stages of your life / maturity. Please stay safe! 💛 and omg no need to apologize, lovebug, I hope my answer made sense for you! let me know if you have any other questions 💟

[fanmoose12]

Hello again, I am sorry for the awkward messages. I hope that you started to look forward to my asks as much as I look forward to your answers. I felt so motivated with your last answers. I hope that does not make you go soft on me in your judgement. Let me tell you that your guessing is right about Dr Ethan but you have to wait a little bit to know how it was. Here is the new part:

I remember I jumped of my bed as soon as I woke up to find Dr Ethan. I wanted to talk to my parents so much that I almost forgot about my burnt hand. After being forced to eat my breakfast by the nurses, I slipped away looking for Dr Ethan whom I found in his office. I shyly entered: Dr Ethan? He gave me the same kind smile: Hana…Good morning! I remember I hugged my favorite book that he gave me: good morning! Can I call mommy please? He got up from his chair. He approached me quietly then held my hand: Hana, let’s go to your favorite place in the garden, shall we? I shouted: NO! I want to ca… He interrupted me with a quiet yet strict tone: I need to tell you something first. Once again, I gave in to his wish and I let me lead me to my spot in the small garden: Dr Ethan, I miss them, I almost died yesterday, I want them to know. He caught my shoulders firmly yet softly: Hana, Listen to me! I was taken by the seriousness in his eyes and voice while he continued: I tried to contact your parents already…and I learned that they got divorced 2 weeks ago. I repeated after him in confusion: Div..orced? He repeated quietly: Do you know what it means? I bit my lip for a moment: it is a bad thing right? I read in one of the books you gave me that it means family is no more together right? He nodded: you parents were getting ready for divorce even before sending you here; they didn’t want you to know because of how bad you were back then. I asked again: Is it because of me? He replied immediately: no no Hana, things are more complicated than that, but the reason why I am telling you this is that you are not going to live with them anymore. I could not respond this time….My brain stopped functioning for a few seconds. The 10 years old me could only think of one thing. Why? As if he heard my thoughts: As far as I understood, it was an arranged marriage Hana, Mom and Dad didn’t get along very well but they tried as much as they could for your sake; after you were sent here, they could not try any longer. I kept listening quietly as he continued: I have been trying to contact them for weeks even before yesterday’s incident because I think you no longer need to be here. I managed to find your father’s contact information and …. I looked at him expectantly as he said: You will be living with your grandfather from now on. I answered as fast as I could: I don’t have grandfather…I never met any. He expected my answer: I know; He is an archeologist; he is always traveling because of his job, that’s why he never managed to meet you. I protested: I am 10 years old! How could he be busy for 10 years? And why do I have to live with him? Is it because mom and dad hate me? He interrupted me: Hana, Your parents made a choice. They chose their lives, their happiness over yours. It is your turn now to make your choice, either you remain here forgotten or you grab this chance for a new life and a new beginning. It was a hard moment for a 10 years old girl who just learned that her parents went separate ways; it was a tough choice to make when the only option I had was someone I never met. Something in the strict look and firm tone of Dr.Ethan reminded later whenever I remember this moment with how fate is. Cruel in its ways yet merciful when everything unfolds manipulating at first yet honest when everything is eventually revealed. On that day, I learned the second lesson that will remain in my mind for as long as I live One day, whoever you meet will leave you for whatever reason they have and you can only accept it and live with it.

Everything happened too fast for me to recall, Grandpa came later that day. I remember that he kept smiling at me while talking to Dr Ethan about the needed procedures to take me in. I didn’t care to listen to what they said. I was busy reading the short message Dr Ethan left to me in the last present he gave me. “A see you later present” he said.

And remember dear stranger that everything happens on a date. Not a moment earlier or a moment late. One day your path will lead you to the house of fate. And there, I will see you again behind the timeless gate. I kept reading it over and over while looking at him hoping for an explanation but he never cared to do it. All he did was to smile and give me a mysterious wink before he goes to meet my new found relative. He was kinder than I imagined him to be, he kept talking about the places he visited, the things he discovered, the different people he met from everywhere in the world, he even managed to make me smile couple of times before I blurt out the question that I could no longer hold inside me: Why did my parents leave me to you Mr Parker?

He stopped talking for a few seconds then said: Call me grandpa, Hana.

When I noticed how he was looking at me waiting for me to do it, I had to do it: Yes, Grandpa.

He continued: Your father was the one who decided to get married and live far away from me and he was the one who decided to end everything too, one day I will tell be able to explain more but until then I want you to know that I need you in my life as much as you need me so let me give you all the love I have for you sweet Hana and I hope you can give this talkative old man the love your parents could never appreciate. I didn’t notice that my tears started to fall already until he dried my cheeks with his rough big hand: Hey Hana?

Yes, Grandpa?

He smiled even more and said: Do you like Ice cream?

And for the first time in my life, I felt that maybe I still have a chance to be accepted and loved as I have always wished. That's it for this time, It is the part where the backstory or the structure of the character's actions is built and I wanted to make it as clear as possible. I hope my writing style didn't bore you. I want to apologize for staying as anon since I am planning for a long fiction that might be considered by some, re-writing attack on titan which will put unnecessary pressure on me and might lead to unpleasant comments. Thank you so much for your time, I really look forward to what you think.

again, sorry for the late answer, i was a very busy bee this morning, but! i read your story just before going to sleep last night and, oh! i liked it so much! i'm so excited to see what will happen to hange (or, well, hana!) next!

and i dunno why, but i kinda got a series of unfortunate events vibe? you know, the part where baudelaires were sent to their uncle montgomery! the grandpa kinda reminds me of him haha

anyways, i love where this is going and can't wait for more!

[lnarizakis]

SAM HIT 1K !

hey, everyone! a few days ago i hit 1k followers and i’m so excited to share with you all this news! it’s been six months of writing, posting, and making new friends, and i’ve recognized the results of all of my efforts. thank you to everyone who’s been with me on this journey, even if i met you in march, or just yesterday!

i acknowledge that in the past i’ve been selfish and self-conscious about that number, but everyday i’m grateful that i have a growing number of people who have my back, supporting me, even if it’s through a simple like or even an anonymous ask telling me they really enjoyed a particular work of mine.

and, with everything you do in life, you encounter people who will support you, make your life better, and just know how to help you up when you’ve fallen: friends. that being said, i want to write a letter to all the friends i’ve made on here since i don’t know when i’ll be able to get the next chance to . . .

TRIS , i remember seeing you appear in the comments of almost all of my posts and i just want to thank you personally for always supporting what i have. you don’t realize how much every little comment means to me, really! it always puts a smile on my face to see you comment something and it feels like i’ve accomplished something, so thank you. @tris-does-stuff

HANA , you really don’t know how happy you’ve made me when you told me you were a fan of mine. it just... shocked me? to know that i have people out there that genuinely support what i do? we only really started talking for a couple of days but i feel a strong connection between the two of us (it really may be our matching mbti types, too!) and i’m so glad to be able to call you my friend. you didn’t hear this from me, but i constantly look back at the #anon makes me happy tag and read through those anonymous messages you sent me. i love them (and you) very much! @wansseul

ELLIOT , i know you as one of my biggest supporters for coaches don’t play, and i find that really heartwarming to see that even after, what, two months since i’ve updated, you reblogged it with the tag #thank you for updating! ! i was so happy to see that, and you even proceeded to send in an ask about it afterwards too! i know we don’t really talk often—but i definitely think we should— but i know that you’re so incredibly sweet, especially after i was having that rough slump of mine i think last month. you were so kind to tell me that you’d always be here if i need to talk with someone, so thank you very much. i’m very grateful to have met you! @keiyoomi

JJ , hey, jj!!! i know we haven’t talked in a hot second, but look! i’ve reached 1k followers! i remember you were around during my coaches don’t play days, and that you always sent an ask after almost every update. sometimes i fiind myself looking back at them and smiling, knowing that you were enjoying what i wrote, so thank you very much! i want to say another thank you for being there for me when i was feeling really down in the dumps, and for taking the time out of your day to write me a message on discord. i’m so grateful that you did so, and i hope life treats you well. also! i began reading the great gatsby for school, so we should talk about it sometime hehehe. @kunimwuah

DOVE , aka uvogin anon, dovey lovey, my favorite inbox invader! i . honestly don’t know how we met. like one day u just appeared in my inbox and BAM ! we started talking! and i don’t regret every single thing i send into your inbox (even beany cock) . i always look forward to whenever you send things in my inbox and i really mean it when i say you’re my favorite inbox invader >:) it makes me so happy to see you active on tumblr and to see what you bring me everyday. i am very grateful you’re in my life, and i hope we continue to talk more and more! @fantasiesofdreams

SAL , i remember the first time i talked with you! you liked one of my posts and i was like oh she seems cool, i’m gonna follow her and congratulate her on 400 followers. and soon enough, we started tagging each other in those tag games and later we just grew closer and closer! i’m so happy that we got really close and it always brightens my day to see you on my dash; you never fail to put a smile on my face. thank you so much for being my friend and always being there when i need a good laugh! @sugaanoya

AI , ai, ai love you! i remember following you for your “be my boyfriend” series, and i hope it continues on your new blog (no promises, of course!). i also was there during your blank kita era, and it was honestly something that made me laugh out loud. i’m pretty sure i turned on notifications for you at that point because i was so invested with this drama. you’re just an insanely nice person whose kindness rivals your love for suna (or is it sakusa? your disloyalty, tsk... just kidding!!!). i know that we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i will be sure to hop in your inbox and stay for a while some time soon. thank you so much for being my friend and i hope you stay happy and healthy! @wiintiier

KAI , aka caca wife! i remember when we started talking on rircus, and at first i didn’t really know who you were, until one fateful night when the conversation about caca happened. at that moment i knew we had similar senses of humor and i remember that i couldn’t stop laughing. it was the caca madness! if i’m being completely honest, i look up to you as a big sister that i’ve never had and i really appreciate you for that, so thank you for being in my life! @lcaita

NAOMI , aka newmie! i remember we first started talking in rircus and i want to thank you for welcoming me so kindly in the server, and especially during the first night we talked, which is when i had a problem and you helped me out immensely. i just want to say thank you for every time that you’ve helped me, talked to me, and made me feel better when i felt less than okay. i’m so glad that i’ve met you and i hope you accomplish great things in your life. @kuraomi

MICKIE , probably one of the only people on discord whose mesages i find myself laughing at a lot. you’re always brightening up the mood wherever you go, and i always find myself looking towards what you have to say today. thanks for that! i also think about that (may i say, really funny) exchange between the two of us on here when you went: “oh god i can’t believe HE’S almost dead ahhh” and i have no idea who you were talking about so i went “omg it’s sero,” and you went on this LONG RANT and it was just so funny to me!!! thanks for always putting a smile on my face. and also! thank you so, so much for suggesting that i get curtain bangs, a decision i really don’t regret! i was afraid i was going to hate them, but i find myself looking in the mirror a lot and thinking: “wow, that is a whole different person.” in a good way! so thank you very much. @tokyoghoose

GERE , aka my ex-wife... sorry about that :( . i never got to say sorry for that but the caca bond runs strong, i hope you understand. i just want you to know how much of a kind person you are, and especially how welcoming you are, too. i was so glad to be welcomed so kindly in your server and it’s become one of my favorites to talk in. i also want you to know, that especially with current times, that things will get better and i’m so glad you’re staying positive with everything going on recently. i love you for you, please remember that!!! @t-amajiki

ISSA , omg, girly pop. hahahaha!!! issa, you’re such a genuine person and i remember meeting you for the first time on rircus. you welcomed me with open arms and you were just the kindest person i met on there. you’re someone who’s just so beautiful inside and out, and the way you’re so large and in charge with your feelings is something i really admire about you. i know we don’t talk so often, but i hope we do. i want to thank you for being my friend, and especially always making me laugh! i love you very much, issa! @indigohitoshi

KYLIE , kylie!!!! the co-founder of our son, iwaizumi hajime. this was literally peak popularity and i knew i was never to get as many notifications as i did in that moment. of everyone i could have shared the account with, i am so glad that i was able to do it with you because we were able to grow closer because of that. now we have this weird inside joke that our son gets mad cooch, and that every day we must think of in another life. where are the daily in another life tiktoks??? of course, our son isn’t the only thing i associate with you. you’re such a kind, hilarious, and genuine person, and to be honest, sometimes i really worry for your wellbeing. get some more sleep, kyl!!! you deserve it. i want you to be grucchi, not tired and wanting to die. thank you so, so much for being my friend, and i am so happy that i met you! @peppermintkiddo

TO, LIKE, EVERYONE FROM RIRCUS , the best people i could ever meet. i’m sorry i couldn’t write an individual letter to all of you, since we haven’t interacted so often for me to pick out one specific memory that i could hold and cherish, but know that every time i come on rircus and talk with you, it is a moment that i will always remember! thank you so much for being my friends and i love you all so, so incredibly much. @kaoyuuuuu @reogou @haikyuu-but-low-iq @yooooooooooomi @samdwich @kenmauwus @shirasusgf @macaronnv @king-kawa

TO EVERYONE THAT CONSTANTLY LIKES, REBLOGS, OR COMMENTS ON MY WORK , you know who you are. i know who you are. i can literally tag you right now. but i think i’ll prefer to keep the anonymity. thank you so much for sharing my work, giving me feedback, and everything. it mean so much to me, especially if there’s a comment attached to the reblog. you make me do a little happy dance!!! i love you so much for what you do and i hope you continue to support me in every way possible!

FOR PEOPLE THAT I MISS/PROBABLY WON’T READ THIS

MEL , hi mel! i’m not very sure if you will read this, but i am so happy that i met you and that we began talking. i remember we began talking after i asked for people to send in memes for that meme war against my sister. i told you i won, right? well, i did. ahhaha anyways, i am very sad that we sort of grew apart and i hope that we can begin talking again soon. you were the highlight of my spring semester. i enjoyed talking with you so much. but i hope that you and your family are currently doing well and that you stay happy and healthy! i miss you very much, melon, thank you for being a part of my life!

RAENAH , hi rae! i think meeting you was a blessing, to be honest. i can’t remember a time when i was utterly annoyed by your presence, nor was i ever mad with you. you are such a kind person with such a pure heart, and during your time on tumblr you really showcased it for everyone to see. you were literally with me from literally the very beginning, during the “my name is...” days, and all i can say is that i am blessed to have met you! thank you so much for lighting up my life, talking to me whenever you made the time, and especially playing minecraft with me. it was so fun, even if it was for a short while. i hope you had as much fun as i had! again, thank you so much for supporting, befriending, and getting to know me because i will never forget you on tumblr dot com. i hope you stay well and make sure you rest often, especially with uni! @a-kaashi

MIYU , where has miyu gone? just kidding. i know you’re there. i hope you read this because i don’t want to tag your new blog. anyways, i just want you to know you make my dash ten times better. it’s literally so boring without you spicing it up, with you talking with anons and your mutuals. i definitely think i should invade your inbox more, what do you think? when i was starting on tumblr, you were a very big inspiration to me and i am very proud of all the works you write. you still are someone i look up to as a writer, because you have such a creative spirit and it makes me so happy you’re able to showcase it for everyone to see. i hope you are staying healthy and well right now, and thank you so much for being my friend!

GIGI , poop. i genuinely miss you very much, but i know that school takes a priority for you. i hope you’re doing well with your classes and that you find the man of your dreams. hopefully it is not the skater boy because you deserve someone as insanely hot as kurapika. no cap. i remember during my chrollo pfp guy craze you were there to deter me away from liking him, but let me just tell you, we’re getting closer tbh. ;) . just kidding, we really aren’t, but we’ve been talking quite a bit. i also want to tell you that you’re someone who’s made me smile with everything you say, and i find myself sometimes typing the way you do. you’re an influence, gigi! please stay happy and healthy and make sure you get lots of rest during your time at school! @gigiwrite

MARS , best for last, am i right? i’m not really sure when i first saw you on my blog, but i remember you’ve been here for a very, very long time. i think it was back in july when we first started talking. you were 🦊 anon, and it made me so happy to read that you felt comfortable enough to reveal yourself! from there, i knew we had a bond from the way we interacted with one another. you’re just such a kind person and you show that to everyone you meet. it’s a quality i wish i had in myself and i really look up to you for your genuinity. sometimes i feel like i don’t thank you enough for how kind you are to me, but just know that with every time i talk i’m always grateful that you’re in my life and that i’ve met you. i know you’re someone i can always lean on and i hope you see me the same. thank you so much for being in my life; you’re someone who means a lot to me. @maru5hka

TO BASICALLY EVERYONE HERE

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR 1K!!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. i am so grateful for each and every one of you; you guys are so hot and sexy. i am so grateful to have met you all, even if it was just a simple “you’re added to the taglist!” or a “thank you so much!” i count it as you being my friend and you interacting with me. you guys aren’t my followers; you’re my friends. thank you so much for being my friend and being here for all of my weird shenanigans i have up my sleeve, whether it be my meme war against my sister, my obsession for blue lock, and my huge crush on chrollo pfp guy. well, here’s to me for being sappy and here’s to many more!