#I can't even remember the last time I truly gave myself a complete day off like this

[malhare]

It feels so good to do FUCK ALL all day long, I needed that

[squill79]

Where Have I Been?

This is a story that went in a VERY different direction than I originally intended. I originally had a strong idea for the beginning and ending, but didn't know what I wanted to put in the middle. As I figured out, I began to realize that the original ending I had in mind didn't really fit with where the story was heading, but I ultimately like where this story went. This is another one that's kinda dark in some areas haha. Enjoy!

These past few months have been the worst of my life. My wretched illness has left me trapped in this miserable hospital for what feels like an eternity. With my body not long for this Earth, I await my inevitable end. But there's one thing that keeps me going, that keeps me alive. My beloved granddaughter, Emma, likely the sweetest little girl I've ever known. When she was little, we would always get ice cream together, take daytrips to the zoo or the museum, one time I even let her help me paint the house. She's older now, 13 if I remember correctly, but she still manages to make time for me. Every Sunday her and her mom will visit my room, give me flowers, tell me about her week, and tell me she wishes I felt better. I am truly grateful for her, and await her visit tomorrow as considering my condition, it may be our last time together. But for now it is about time I get some shut eye and prepare to be bombarded with her love and affection.

It's the middle of the night and I awaken from my slumber. I hear a nasally voice echoing in my ears. "Hey wake up. Wake up, old man", it says noisily on repeat. I finally open my eyes in anticipation of a nurse letting me know I wet myself again, but what I witness instead is what appears to be a floating child with wings, completely catching me by surprise.

"What the hell are you?", I ask in fear and confusion.

"Don't worry, don't worry! I'm your guardian angel! I'm not gonna hurt you!"

"Guardian angel? You mean all that biblical garbage is real?"

"Well sort of, you guys misinterpreted A LOT of stuff, but that's not the point".

"Well then why are you here?"

"I'm here to give you your death warrant!"

"My... my what?"

"Your death warrant! We're supposed to give you a one-day notice before you die but uh... well I'm new at this... sorry". The angel proceeded to hand me a slip of paper informing me the time of my death.

"THIS SAYS I DIE AT 2 IN THE MORNING!" I began to have a panic attack. "But I can't! I have to see my granddaughter!" I stared at the clock. It was nearing midnight. I have two hours to see Emma for the last time.

"Well, you better get to it then".

"But how do I get out of here without anyone noticing? Can you do something?"

"Sorry, I'm not allowed to interact with the human world. Them's the rules".

"Well isn't that just excellent? I get to die here without even so much as a last look at my granddaughter! Real excellent job, my so-called guardian angel".

"Look I didn't make the rules, I merely enforce them. We can't let humans know of our existence until the day before their death". They continued to ramble on about the arbitrary set of rules they're forced to follow. I didn't listen. I was searching for my matches.

"Found 'em!"

"What? Found what? Were you igno-". They were cut off by the entire room being ignited in flames. I quickly sprinted out, but not without my right leg being scorched by the fire I had started. This gave me an opportunity to escape, as the staff diverted their attention towards the burning room, allowing me to slip by. I worried my coughing may draw attention to me, but everyone was so distracted by the fire that I managed to get by undetected. Before I had left the building, I seized the receptionists' keys from her desk without her managing to catch it. She is friends with my daughter so I knew which car was hers. I admittedly felt a twinge of guilt for my act of theft, she was always kind to me, but it's a sacrifice that must be made. As I began to start the car up, my guardian angel returned out of seemingly thin air. "YOU SET FIRE TO A HOSPITAL! ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"I did what had to be done. Nobody was in that room, chances are no one was hurt". As I put my hands on the steering wheel I noticed the flesh on my hands begin to deteriorate. I stared in shock for a moment, pondering what was becoming of me. My guardian angel eventually picked up on my confusion.

"That happens right before you die. Your skin will begin to rot like a banana". At this point I only had an hour and a half left. I began to drive as fast as I could with no concern for the speed limit. I drove straight through every stop signs and red light I encountered. It was almost exhilarating actually. In my last moments of life I was partaking in the type of reckless behavior and hadn't gotten myself into since I was in my twenties. My guardian angel of course, was not pleased with my actions. "Don't you think you should slow down? You might hurt someone".

"I don't have time to slow down. My daughter's house is still miles away and I have such little time. And besi-". As I was speaking, I had driven head on into another car. Glass penetrating my already rotting skin. But that won't matter for much longer. I stumbled out of the wrecked car and found the nearest bike. I hadn't caught a look at the state of the person in the other vehicle. I hopped on the bike and proceeded to ride off, when my guardian angel intervened.

"Look pal, I can't sit here and let this continue. Far too many people have been hurt by your actions. If you don't quit, not only will I leave your side, but your soul will be damned to the eternal pit of hell". Truth be told, I hadn't even believed in a heaven or hell before this point. Although it did not sound ideal, I was willing to make this gambit for the sake of saying my goodbye's to Emma.

"I'm sorry, but this is something that I must do".

"Well, I suppose this is where we part ways". They appeared solemn as I rode the bike away. I felt a little bad in a way. They seemed like a fine person, but they served no help to me, so they weren't a major loss.

At this point my skin rot had encompassed my entire torso. I had less than an hour left, but her house was only a few blocks away. I was nearly there. As I was riding however, my age began to catch up with me. I could feel myself getting exhausted from all of the adrenaline I had been experiencing. I could feel my eyes begin to close, when all of a sudden, I was jolted awake again, as I had been thrown off my bike due to colliding with a sharp rock. My body scraped against the sidewalk, blood expelling from every cut in my skin. With a hole in its front tire, the bike was no longer usable. I trudged on on-foot, as it was my only option left.

I continued to march for miles. I had come too far now to give up. Too many people have been hurt for this to all be for nothing. I only had about ten minutes left. My body was almost entirely deteriorated. At a certain point, my legs had given up on me, but I determinedly crawled on. It was my mission to see her one last time before my soul egressed from this mortal realm. With the last of my strength, I crawled to my destination. Finally, I reached the house. Now it would all be worth it. I slowly began to stand up, preparing to knock on that door and be greeted by the child who admired me. But as I took one last look at my burned, penetrated, scraped, decaying body, I began to question if it was all worth it. What would she think of me? How would she react to the person I have become this night? Is this how I want her to remember me? And as I had pondered the current state of my ethics and moral code, my body collapsed on the ground. And then... I was gone.

[riku-in-japan]

Day 10 Hiroshima / Miyajima

Roughly and hour later I reached Hiroshima and, to my surprise, already met up with my husband. I was pretty sure there would have been a more direct route from the museum to Miyajimaguchi, but... Apparently he found some JR bus he could ride at no cost with his rail pass, so decided to head back to Hiroshima station first. (Thus shortening the time he could spend at the museum...?)

On to Miyajima we went! Surprise, if you use a JR Rail Pass, there is a 100 yen visitor tax to be paid in advance. Um, what? Guess it's usually included in the ferry ticket, except we did not have to buy one. Oh well,...

We arrived around 3 o'clock. Just before the Torii gate was completely swallowed by water, but long before it would reach Itsukushima Shrine.

We had a rather quick look around the shrine. I remember spending quite some time here last time, but I guess my husband really just didn't have the patience for that as he kept pushing on. I also felt like some parts I was able to see in 2017 were closed off today.

Anyway, as soon as we exited the temple my husband was like "All right, let's head back to the ferry." Um, guy, it's been maybe 30 minutes since we arrived. I intended to spend at least 3 hours on this island. I'm already giving up on hiking to the top of the mountain, because I likely won't make it back before dark, but there is no way I'm getting back on the ferry again right away!

So, I dragged him along to the Momijitani park!

With every step he started complaining more... And more... Until I just told him to go back to the shopping street if he wanted to.

So, by myself I walked on. Enjoyed the scenery and made it to the start of the trail to the top. At which point I turned around an followed a different route through the park to go back.

At some point I received a text from my husband saying, "I expect you'll be back for the ferry that leaves at 16:40." At that point that seemed possible, but I wasn't entirely sure. So, I gave no confirmation.

Then, by the time I reached the shopping street I realized I was running out of time and started hurrying a bit more, because, as annoyed as I was with my husband for (pretty much) giving a time limit, I didn't want to just throw it to the wind, and then I got a, "I'm already in line to board the ferry, can't see you yet. Will you make it?" text message.(This was 6 minutes before departure.) So, my idiot husband had decided to pretty much board the ferry before even checking if I would make it!! Honestly, it kinda annoyed me. So, I truly had to rush onward to make it just in time for departure. Really, I wouldn't have minded a bit more time! I was enjoying myself!

From there my mood went downhill, and we had a fight over what to eat at Hiroshima station. Eventually I told him to just get sushi if that was what he wanted and stamped off to find a convenience store... but ended up in the bookstore right next to it and browsed the shelves for a while before eventually getting some (Hiroshima-style) okinomiyaki at the konbini.

Just as I was about to start eating, my husband send a message announcing he was ready to go. (Already!?) So, I decided I would just eat on the train in that case...

I was really happy to be back at the room and go to bed after that.

[where-the-fig-tree-twists]

Yuletide Blessings, the Night of Many Curses, and a Reflection of Myself: 2022

I grew up in a very Catholicism-centric home. I was a bad Christian, but I'm a half-decent Pagan.

My grandparents took me to mass every Sunday, some Fridays, and the occasional special Wednesdays. I did First Communion, and my Sacraments. Though she still harbors a decent stash of Southern Woman brand of Fear of God, my mother has never been as dedicated as her side of the family are to the Bible, and so I was raised with a peculiar religious education. We celebrated Easter, and Christmas, and she always made it a point to explain that all of our Christian-centric holidays are part of a two-sided, very Pagan coin. Through those lessons is where I found myself.

My mother raised me to have a connection to the earth that sustains us, the air that gives us breath, the sky that gives us dreams, the water that gives life to all, and the fire that burns in our bones. I was raised to listen to the whippoorwill's song above the chorus of cicadas, the thrum of katydids as they struck the wild grass. I remember well the lessons of how to track animals as they moved through the land, and how to tell if they were safe at the end of their trail.

One needs very little imagination to see how I went from a wide-eyed and breathless child, hair wild from the wind and face sunburnt, to an adult with the same half-cocked tendencies, a green thumb, and a few too many animals.

It was that same wildness I've always possessed that landed us without running water, in the middle of a winter storm, on Christmas Eve.

I, generally, dread the holidays. When I was 7, my mother and I were disowned by her family on Thanksgiving, at Thanksgiving dinner. There's very little stretching to be done to understand why I don't particularly enjoy this time of year. It's cold. The wind hurts. Tumbleweeds have completely taken over my life, and seem to have no interest in moving on to better things. It has been bitterly cold here the past few days, dipping well into the negatives and truly testing our grit. We don't even have snow to show for it, just very dark eye bags.

Imagine my rueful chagrin and general air of I-Told-You-So when my boyfriend was getting ready to leave to pick up my other partner from work, and I was preparing to run a mop bucket, when neither the water would run nor would the car start. Several panicked phone calls, a dropped flashlight, and an "Adventure" later, and we learned the car wouldn't start because of a loose wire, and the water wouldn't run because we had a geyser of a broken pipe under the house. Many, many hours later, the pipe is fixed, and the contact points for the pressure sensor in the well needed to be replaced. Once that was finished, and the daily temp was sitting at a balmy 7F degrees, we turned the water back on to see if we were good to go.

We were not.

We have at least one more leak to patch, and see if that's our last one. I don't have the greatest gut feeling about that, but at least now we know how to fix it. Our neighbors truly saved us, and have let us use their running water and buckets to keep the dogs watered. I never thought I'd be looking forward to running a mop bucket. Our neighbors also brought us food today - a green bean casserole, a stick of butter, 3 potatoes, rolls, and cheese enchiladas. I've never been more grateful for them, and they gave us a carload of free dog food to help us get everything settled back in this month when Tommy left.

Ultimately, we figured out that the feral cats getting under the house provided enough traction for the wind to rip a piece of siding off. The cats then sought warmth further in their stronghold, and dug into the insulation around the piping and under the house. The exposure to the arctic air froze the pipe, and the pressure burst it as soon as it started to try to thaw. We can't even put new siding on until it warms up a little bit so we can get the siding to the house.

It occurred to me, while standing in a hole in the ground and studying the well pump, that I'm proud of the progress I've made this year. I have several blog posts waiting for me to finish the research to flesh them out - facts about pigeons, chickens, microgreens, and self-sufficient apothecaries itch for me to info dump somewhere. I wish I could say that I'm surprised at my misfortune, but it also occurred to me while standing in that hole just how lucky we are. Our small, strained community came together to help support us in a time of desperation. We had a pipe burst? Yes, but my mother's friend/my ex boss is a master plumber who hates the holidays as much as I do, and answered the call immediately. The well pump needed fixing? Sure, but it was something we could do. No running water? Between our friend and our own shopping trip, we have several buckets, and our neighbors have a water hose. Our main house heater doesn't want to cooperate? We have a number to a repairman, who our neighbors used, and we have multiple space heaters keeping everything functioning.

I've never looked forward to spring more, if for nothing else than for the fact I can start to sow the earth that has humbled me so, and finally give something back to the people who have kept us afloat.

Happy Holidays, all.

[li-way-way]

This will be the first and last time I'm going to tell a story about us.

It was way back 2017 when I'm completely lost in life. I wasn't really myself back then and I was just barely surviving in life, asking God about my whole existence. You were a blockmate of mine, just a common blockmate but we became close blockmates. We were able to talk about fun stuffs like watching anime, sharing our favorite bands and songs. I can't remember when and how it happened, our blockmates started teasing us. Since, we are close that time and for me you're already a friend, I didn't mind them. Plus, I know you like someone else.

We got closer.

I remember you were my seatmate in our theology class. I lend you some notes in math, you took it with you in your vacation in Dubai. I also remember, we went to 7 11 to buy a strawberry ice cream. You were a good person, I personally didn't like you at first but it changed when we became friends. Then, it happened. We're all busy preparing for our project for Arki Week. All of us including our blockmates are in one house doing the project together. And.. this girl told us that you told your friend that I like you. I think you got the wrong idea that time because we were just close. As in. Everyone in the room started teasing us. To be honest, I did't really mind it. I thought of it as a joke and it didn't offended me. But for you it was serious. 3am that day, we are already sleeping. Suddenly, you woke me up and you said you wanted to talk to me. You even bought me a mcburger and strawberry sundae. I asked what are those for and it's for peace offering. You apologized for the wrong information that everyone heard, you're sorry I got embarrassed in front of them which I didn't really feel. I was confused and shocked in those moments but I still ate the food haha. If I was not wrong I think you also confessed that time. You told me your feelings are real.. After that day I can't really remember what happened next but you started courting me. I didn't really thought of it, ayoko maging assuming but it turns out you are courting me. You bought me a coin purse, t-square handle, a book, and you even gave me a box with full of love. I remember I cried reading your mini notes because I appreciate it so much. Yet.. i didn't reciprocate your feelings. I rejected you, because that time you are really just a friend to me. Like other stories, we became so awkward to each other. We became distant. It was sad. You were the only guy I'm closed to and where I can talk about myself. We never became friends again up until now.

But, there are things you didn't know.

Later that year, I realized you had a chance but I never thought of it. I just brushed it off until in 2018, i started dating someone but we broke up in 2020. I dated someone again in 2020 and we're still together. In 2019, we crossed path at t the mall and I just said hello. Alot of things happened.. I never really thought of us. Not until, I started missing myself who's fond of watching movies and discovering songs. I remember us, our friendship, your thoughtfulness. I hope you know how I appreciate everything you did to me. Then, I asked out of nowhere how you are and the universe answered. While my bestfriend and I are on our way home. We're walking slowly chitchatting, a couple passed through us.

It was you.

You are with someone, and that someone is special to you. I could tell by how you care for her while walking in the busy road. It was you, I could tell by looking at your back. You followed my advice in 2019: "2019 na, dun ka sa taong gusto ka." I was relieved. You had the chance but I hesitated. I couldn't give my hundred percent.

Present time, It took me years to thought all of it. I'm just simply stupid. I truly agree to that. I'm completely lost back then but I found myself as I found someone I could be myself.

Maybe, it's not our time yet.

Maybe, It will never going be our time.

[boop-le-snoot]

@buckyownsmylife hey babe! Remember that one time you threw that cool challenge? Here's my entry. Prepare to get absolutely ruined because daddy!Bruce is exactly that sort of man.

main masterlist ☀️ taglist

emotional support nerd

Your best friend's dad, Dr. Bruce Banner, is hotter than you thought he would be. 6k words, NSFW. Kind of Alt!Reader - she refers to herself as 'goth' in one instance. Tony Stark makes an appearance because God forbid I write a fanfic without him in it.

This is filthy pron, ft. age difference (reader is college aged) daddy kink, throat fucking, dirty talk, praise kink, cream pie, possessiveness, belly bulge and ending with a hint at a threesome. I really crammed all I could from Eyre's wheel in here, didn't I. Oh well.

"How much longer, dad?" Lyra's annoyed voice struck a chord within me. I tried to hide my snickering - unsuccessfully might I add - causing my best friend to shoot me a hurt look, equally fed up with me as she was fed up with her forgetful adopted father. "You know what, we'll take the subway."

Lyra's father's voice, both agitated and apologetic, reached my ears in bitten-off phrases as the traffic noises around us grew in volume, NYC rush hour rapidly approaching its peak.

With a sound huff, Lyra removed the phone from her ear, staring me down with the most amount of petulance I've ever seen on her usually reserved, placid face. "It's twenty more minutes. Apparently he's driving Tony's car," she offered in the way of explanation, like it actually did anything to better the cold, wet situation we found ourselves in. "Please, and I can't stress this enough, please don't be weird."

I felt a flood of amusement at Lyra's pleading tone. "Darling, if you wanted a normal friend, you should have looked elsewhere," I gestured to my outfit. I looked like a goth boy's wet dream: chunky platformed boots, fishnets, heavy eyeliner. Of course, all in black.

"You know what I mean," she whined, waving off my pointing hand and fixing me with a hard stare. "The least my dad needs is someone that is terrified of him just because sometimes he turns into a big green monkey. It's not as exciting as internet thinks, anyway," the last part of the sentence was mumbled but I heard it nonetheless as Lyra stared out into the traffic, clever eyes looking for a particular car model.

What Lyra didn't know was that I was not at all considering to be terrified by the man who dosed himself with radiation and developed an advanced version of split personality disorder. I could be intimidated by him, sure, because he was incredibly intelligent, a world class scientist with more PhDs than I had zeroes in my bank account, but even despite his green problem, Dr. Bruce Banner was about as far away from 'scary' as a man could be.

The few scarce pictures of him on the internet showed a short, stocky man with kind eyes and salt-and-pepper curls, always dressed in un-ironed, crumpled button-ups with dorky patterns. Looking at him, I mused that there was a high chance he spoke with a stutter and that fact amused me to no end. Jekyll and Hyde, alright.

Lyra was much the same way. Shy and reclusive, with curly brown hair and doe eyes, she spent a good chunk of her first semester in college being avoided by everybody because of her last name; I, on the other hand, avoided everyone out of habit, I'd never been a social butterfly, but the way people subtly made sure to exclude Lyra from all the activities filled me with quiet, seething rage, and I stepped over my general distaste of people and removed my bag from the seat next to me so Lyra could at least study in relative peace.

Yeah, yeah, you've heard it all, I'm sure. Weird goth chick adopts a socially awkward, shunned nerd and they become best friends forever. I had to admit that under the shy exterior, Lyra was smart, witty and even funny sometimes. She was willing to entertain my crude jokes without moaning, at least, and I was perfectly okay with listening to her rant about science every now and then.

Rain banged on the slanted roof of the café we were hiding in, the autumn wind howled, making both of us shiver at the prospect of having to go outside, even if it was for a short moment to run to Lyra's dad's car. The day had started out warm and sunny, but much like a badly calculated chemical formula, it all went downhill a split second after we had set out to leave campus.

"There he is," the grouch in Lyra's expression had me once again unsuccessfully attempting to conceal my snorting.

Nonetheless, I followed her out into the rain, struggling to keep up with the brisk running in my platformed shoes, unceremoniously crawling into the car behind her without sparing a glance at the driver in my eagerness to get out of the freezing downpour.

"Hi, dad," Lyra's tired voice spoke up at the same time as I angrily shook out my hair.

"I've just about McFuckin' had it with New York," I was afraid the dye in my hair would bleed out into my clothes, or even worse, the nice, cream-colored car seats.

"Hello, ladies," the voice that greeted us was low, gravelly and apologetic to boot.

My eyes shot up, meeting an expression full of surprise and amusement. I stared at the shockingly handsome face of Dr. Bruce Banner like a deer in the headlights.

The fine mimic wrinkles had stretched into a resemblance of a smile, soft, plush lips revealing a set of straight, white teeth. The five o'clock shadow framed his jaw, giving it a sharp, defined edge, his clever brown eyes slid down my form, faltering on the pentagram on my belt and my fishnet-covered legs, settling on my chunky boots before hastily snapping back up to my face.

"Dad, this is..." Lyra's voice was full of suspicious bewilderment as she attempted to dissipate the sudden awkwardness.

"Oh, yeah, I'm Dr. Bruce Banner, but you can call me Doc or Bruce," he cleared his throat, turning himself towards the windshield and starting up the car.

"Nice to meet you," I busied myself with putting away any stray hair just to occupy myself with something during the time I needed to recuperate from being just... Looked at by Lyra's dad.

It sounds ridiculous, I know, but I was so taken aback by his handsomeness and his aura of a gentle but powerful man that the ride to Stark tower, however swift, went on in slightly awkward silence. The streets outside were, thankfully, noisy, and the lack of an attempt to have a conversation could easily be attributed to Bruce's need to focus on the road, but Lyra's increasingly concerned looks did very little to settle the sudden racing of my heart.

"C'mon, I'll give you some sweats so you can let your..." Lyra's vague gesture towards my upper body disappeared behind her side of the door. "Hey, Tony," she suddenly interrupted her sentence, very obviously addressing another person who I managed to miss as Bruce parked in the spacious garage.

"I've been told you're finally bringing your friend, Green Pea," a voice I'd heard a thousand times on the TV poked fun at Lyra.

She bent down to retrieve her bag, shooting big eyes at me and mouthing an exaggerated "Sorry!"

Tony Stark looked about a week in debt on sleep, a contrast to the way he usually appeared in public. The exaggerated eyebrow raise made me shuffle awkwardly in my spot; the Led Zep tee caught my eyes as I lingered on it, aware of my own Mötorhead top on display. He noticed it too, causing his face leave the snide territory.

"Wow, I didn't expect kids these days to have any resemblance of taste in music but you've surprised me, Corpse Bride," he gave me a quiet wolf-whistle, watching me through lidded eyes.

I felt my eyebrow crawl upwards at his attitude but Bruce spoke up before I could say anything: "Tony, no," so firmly, I had to raise both of my eyebrows. I felt a smile tug at my lips, the situation strikingly familiar in it's essence. Like father, like daughter...

"No," Lyra's identical expression, fond and annoyed, topped up with an accusing finger pointed in my direction had everyone snorting a giggle at the situation.

"Lyra," I whined, just so I could coax her grin that she was very obviously trying to conceal. "See, I told you, every crazy genius needs their emotional support nerd," I fixed her with a pointed look.

She promptly grabbed me by the arm, leading all of us to the elevator as the two men behind us shared a hearty laugh at my well-timed joke. It was either that or I would have completely embarrassed myself by gaping and drooling over both THE Tony Stark and Lyra's father.

The rush didn't stop there. I was promptly and generously offered not only a spare pair of pants but also a whole room to stay in after an invitation to dinner I simply could not refuse. Dr. Banner firmly coaxed me into staying overnight with his pleading eyes and a hearty seasoning of guilt tripping, softly crooning how he simply could not let a young woman to wander the cold, rainy night in NYC alone.

Tony added something too, in a tone way too surefire and patronising. I guessed he noticed my eyes lingering on Dr. Banner, being a genius and all.

In a short amount of time, I found myself seated at a dinner table next to a happy, giggling Lyra who'd downed a glass of wine and was well into her second. I found it adorable how much of a lightweight she was; not hesitating in the slightest to point out that fact when she made hands for a pitcher of water.

Tony was the first one to snark back something vague about his college days and all the wild parties he used to throw, booing Bruce upon discovery that he, in fact, actually studied in college in favour of partaking in various illicit activities. That had both me and Tony giggling with Lyra promptly joining in, both of us losing it over the running joke or her being either a test tube baby or the result of immaculate conception.

Bruce's face blushed scarlet. He sputtered, a few stray drops of his lemonade landing on the (ironed!) collar of his purple shirt, cough disappearing in the wake of Tony's truly amused cackling. Dr. Banner was well on his way to either choke on his Lo Mein or turn green; thinking quickly, I decided to defuse a situation by sharing a harmless, funny story that happened to me as a freshman.

"I went on a date with this guy who said that music was the most important thing in his life, and I thought, wow, that's so beautiful!" I began my story over Lyra's incessant snickering. "So we had dinner and went back to his place because I'm a whore," the whole table erupted in laughter at my deadpan remark, Tony reaching over to give me a high five.

"And as we got there, he put on one of his demos which was just a bunch of sampled and remixed Guns'n'Roses songs, and I thought wow, that's gotta be one of the worst things I've ever heard," I pointedly looked away as Lyra's cackling grew in volume, having heard the same story several times by now and the outrage I expressed at the situation first hand.

"But instead of that I said, wow, that's so cool! Then we did the thing and his whole bedroom was covered in Axl Rose posters and I'm sure at some point Mr. Rose stared right up my asshole," there were tears streaming down Lyra's face as Tony flopped his upper body onto the table and Bruce convulsed helplessly in a silent fit of giggles. "And then I thought to myself: wow, I would have to pretend to like his music if I dated this guy and I just couldn't do that..." I breathed out, succumbing to the mirth at the dinner table. "It was good but not November Rain good, y'kno?"

Bruce snorted loudly, sliding down his chair with a hand over his face. The table shook with the force of Tony's cackling; I didn't see his expression but the howling, rasping noises sent me into another fit of laughter, right on par with Lyra.

"Is this..." Tony rapidly inhaled the much-needed oxygen. "Is this why you keep wincing whenever I play the 'Roses in the lab?" Tony wheezed and Lyra nodded.

"I just... I can picture it, and I-" she made a vague, encompassing gesture and a face.

"Please, don't," I urged with a snort. "There are better ways to get disappointed."

Dinner went on by smoothly after that, everybody happily making remarks on my dating fail, the topic of Lyra's birth and Tony's college shenanigans dismissed.

I caught Dr. Banner's pointed look as we finished our dessert - he was studying me, eyes searching for something that he very obviously wished was there. From the damp roots of my hair to the soft, cotton top clinging to my chest, I wasn't left unscrutinzed and unexamined. Like one of the many specimens he studied on a daily basis, Bruce lingered on the many characteristics that made me stand out in the grey crowd.

"Would you like to see the labs?" He asked, appearing behind me without a single sound.

The freshly cleaned dishes clattered in my arms. I'd almost dropped them, startled, but Bruce's hand landed on the top of the stack right before the top plate would have slipped off and shattered into pieces on the cold tile of his kitchen.

Blood rushed to my ears. "I'd love to," my brain had briefly returned to reality, the rush of meeting both Stark and Banner succumbing to logic and reason. My and his fields of study briefly overlapped, the question he posed was more than reasonable. In fact, many people would cheat, lie and steal to be in my position.

Bruce smiled, opening a cabinet and taking half of the dishes I was holding to stack them up in their proper place. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, exposing wide, muscular forearms littered with dark, coarse hair.

I was sure my face was flaming. After waving off Lyra's attempts to put shoes on me and leaving her to watch her TV show, a wide, warm palm rested on the back of my waist, gently steering me towards the elevator.

I tried to keep my eyes off Bruce in the large mirror on the walls of the car as it swiftly moved down, scrutinizing my appearance instead. My throat bobbed, the elevator car suddenly too small and too hot.

His eyes left marks on me - invisible ones, the kind that I knew were there just from the scorching heat sizzling on my skin.

There was a certain je ne sais quoi about him. Perhaps, it was in the way he was acting - a polar opposite of what I'd had expected, Dr. Bruce Banner possessed a quiet confidence and his patience appeared to be endless, heartily doused with an appreciation for his closest ones. The way his eyes lit up in response to people smiling around the dinner table was hard to miss.

When Bruce spoke about his research - whatever wasn't classified, anyway - the spark expanded into a mischievous fire. I could hardly understand the nuances in his work, scratch that- I could not understand a single word he was saying, at all. The individual syllables registered as they should, but my traitorous brain could only focus on the way he licked his lips in between quickly inhaled breaths.

"You're not... Following, are you?" The corner of his mouth lifted upwards, clever brown eyes fixed on my face.

God, I hoped I wasn't drooling. But to deny the obvious would have been a stretch. "No, not really," I swallowed, willing my eyes to lift from the large veins on the hand that was pointing at a set of equations. Reasonably good at math any day, they looked like the scribbles of a madman to me at the time.

Dr. Banner sighed, letting silence creep among the whirring machinery in the lab for a brief moment. "I don't scare you?" He removed his glasses, cleaning them with the corner of his shirt.

The question reeked of self-doubt and, perhaps, insecurity. "No," I answered simply, not giving him the slightest chance to find doubt in my words. I was barely holding my voice from shaking, afraid he'd misunderstand my reaction to the sudden change in atmosphere.

He was closer to me than I recalled. My hip was almost brushing his, the bulk of his shoulder millimeters from touching against my bare skin, the smell of something herbal, like tea, and sharp chemicals clouding my senses. It was such a contrasting experience.

Bruce turned to me, an expression between hunger and regret forcing me to shiver and look him straight in the eye. A hand landed on my waist, holding me in place with gentle firmness. "I'm a monster, I could hurt you," he whispered, leaning into me like a touch starved kitten. The man screamed contradiction. "We shouldn't."

Vivid images of the Hulk and the rampages years prior flashed through my mind; the rubble, the collateral damage in the form of many lives. I barely remembered it, having been too little to really understand what was going on. One thing, though, I knew for sure: ever since the world became aware of Lyra's existence, there had been no incidents. Sure, the Hulk still appeared when there was a threat, but there were no documented incidents of the green creature running amok, accidentally.

"You won't hurt me," I spoke with conviction. Perhaps, I was bluffing just slightly but I wouldn't lie like that to myself. The variable, the... Twelve or so percent chance of things going... Awry, it made a small, malicious worm inside of me rejoice and fill my limbs with familiar adrenalised yearning. "You're not a monster. Far from it, actually," I used the hand that was not supporting me against the desk to gently cradle the side of his face, letting my fingertips brush over the rough five o'clock shadow on his cheek.

Bruce emitted a sound somewhere between an agitated grown and a pleading whine, sagging with the sound exhale, pressing himself flush with my chest. His face slipped from my palm, the warm tip of his nose running a steady line up my neck, sending goosebumps running wildly down my back as his hot breath tickled the arch of my throat.

"Baby," the nickname punched a stuttered gasp out of me with the intensity contained in just that one word. "I've been hearing all these amazing things about you," his voice dropped, low baritone rumbling straight into my ear. "I won't be able to hold back. I'll want you all to myself," his bicep flexed under my hand.

My knees would have bucked if I wasn't grasping onto Bruce for dear life after those words. I had some sense of personal pride in me, so while my body was an easy, traitorous thing, my mind was more than eager to participate in this game, to ping pong a little bit before... "Yeah? What things?" I breathed.

Teeth briefly closed around my tender skin, nipping for just a second. "You're kind, beautiful," his hand took a steadfast hold on the back of my neck, exposing my throat to his mouth. More skin to mark, more time to whisper. "Intelligent, bright and clever," the more he spoke, the fiercer he became. Bruce's grasp tightened until I was pliant in it, willingly following his silent commands. "A bit of a pain in the ass," a healthy dose of humour was added into the mix as my ass was roughly grabbed, our fronts pressed together at his insistence.

"That sounds about right," I didn't resist the sudden urge to snark, thoughts lazily floating in my head, like clouds on a bright sunny day, fleeting and sparse. None of them caught on. I was focused on feeling the need, on my need to feel.

A sharp smack landed on the plump of my ass, the sound resonating in the eerily quiet lab. The sounds of machinery had dulled at some point, leaving just the two of us panting our lust into each other's space. "I know you can be a good girl. Will you, princess?" His fingertips dug into my flesh, surpassing the soft sweatpants as if they weren't even there.

I could only nod, dumbly, overcome by the sudden rush of blood to my body. The life coarsing through me sang, demanding a release of the pent-up tension.

"What's that?" Bruce removed himself from my neck, catching my unfocused eyes with a crooked smirk on his lips.

"Yes," I swallowed, breathing through my mouth.

"Mmm," he hummed, running both hands over my sides, over the frayed edges of my Mötorhead top. He admired it, briefly, setting his eyes on the band logo that was right over my breasts. Having decided something to himself, Bruce promptly removed it, lifting it over my head with ease and leaving it right on the science lab table.

Taking hold of my hand, he walked over to a hidden set of sliding doors that revealed a rather large, frequently used bed, shutting them just as I walked in, wearing only my bra and borrowed sweats. My back was pressed to the door in mere seconds, hot palms chasing away the chill of the lab as Bruce slotted his lips over mine.

He tasted like something I've never had before. His lips - so plush and supple, took hold of the kiss with practiced gusto, sucking me in without a chance or the desire to escape. I drank from him, sucked on the bottom lip as his tongue explored my mouth, danced with mine.

The room was spinning, the ringing in my ears growing in volume. I was only partly aware of the sensation of sliding down the wall; our knees thudded on the carpeted floor simultaneously, heavy breathing the only noise I could distinguish.

"Breathe, baby, that's it," Bruce coaxed, gently stroking my nape. The soft cotton of his shirt crumpled under my fingers where I held onto him, desperately searching something to ground myself with.

The buckle of his belt clattered and then clinked again as he wrapped the worn leather around my wrists, bringing them together in front of my chest. I exhaled sharply at the intimate gesture, a whine bubbling up from my chest when Bruce used a single fingertip to raise my chin.

My eyes met his; a brown iris tinged with the faintest of green around the outer edge. "This okay, princess?" He sought my face for confirmation, for agreement, for anything.

I nodded, stuttering mid-gesture, remembering our previous interaction. My mouth did not want to cooperate but I forced it to, even if it came out as little more than a pitiful mewl. "Yes, daddy," the word, sweet and sticky like fruit syrup, poured from my lips.

My eyes slid shut as my conscience - or was it common sense? - took hold of the situation. I was on my knees in front of my best friends dad, a virtual stranger, and I'd just-

Bruce's soft chuckle stopped the negative spiral of my thoughts. "That's my girl," he sounded a tad more breathless now, a hairliner in his perfect façade of self-control. As if he'd sensed my indecisiveness, he tugged on the makeshift restraints, pulling me closer, closer and into his lap.

A warm, solid chest with a healthy amount of fluff greeted me. Bruce let my lax, pliant body fall into his arms, catching me effortlessly and bringing my face to his lips. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, you're my good girl," he peppered soft kisses all over my flaming cheeks, my twitching nose, my fluttering lashes.

"Please," I begged, shame giving way to the flood of arousal that seemingly hit me all at once. I was aware of the dampness collecting in my panties, the stiffness of my limbs from holding back the ravenous desire to paw at Bruce like a wild animal. "Please, daddy..."

"I know, I know, baby girl," he soothed, not stopping his tender assault on my face. "Daddy will make it all better. I know just what you need," Bruce finally pulled away. I heard the sound of him undoing his zipper and then the awkward shuffle of him shucking off his pants.

Somewhere in between of all that, he'd ended up sitting down on the bed, wearing only his boxers, his shirt hanging open. The red crawled down his chest, partially masked by the coarse salt and pepper hair; his lips were cherry red and his hair was sticking out in odd directions. Bruce looked sinful.

My eyes inadvertently landed on the impressive bulge in his boxers; in response to my widened eyes, he reached out for it, stroking the outline of his thick cock through his boxers. "Like what you see, baby?"

"Yeah," My mouth watered.

"Baby wants a fat cock?" He teased, sounding like he knew exactly what he was doing, testing my self-control like that. With a flick of his wrist, it sprang free, slapping against his tummy, coating the fine hairs with drops of clear, musky fluid.

I swallowed, feeling the taste of him from afar and yearning for more where I was parked between his spread legs.

In a gesture almost loving, he tugged on the belt still wrapped around my wrists, bringing my face to his leaking shaft and my hands to the base of it, letting me feel the weight of his balls in them. The cock throbbed, neglected, weighed down by the heaviness of his full balls.

"Go ahead, baby, suck my cock," the encouragement came with a gentle push to my head.

I obediently followed, wrapping my lips around the pink, moist crown of it, a hum beginning in the back of my throat. My God, Bruce tasted heavenly... I whirled and slipped my tongue a around his head, I dipped into the slit to drink the nectar right from the tap, idly coming to awareness of the broken, choked moans coming from the man above me.

Raising my head got me a view of his chin; head thrown back, the lax O of his mouth glistened in the meager light. My eyes slid lower, to the flex of his abs. Bruce fought hard to stay still. The desire consumed me, a sudden rush of power at having Dr. Bruce Banner's cock in my mouth and the man at my mercy; I inhaled, sliding my mouth further and further down his throbbing length.

"Fuck," I heard him mutter before his hands gripped the sides of my face. "Hungry, baby, are you?" His eyes glowed a faint green; I shuddered at the power he held within himself. Held back for me. "Tap my thigh twice," he spoke and I had no choice but to obey. "Okay. Do that if it gets too much, alright?" I nodded. He gave me a wide, beaming smile. "Good girl," he praised, experimentally bucking his hips into my mouth a few times.

In and out. I focused on my breathing, sharp, little inhales: his girth took up all the free space in my mouth, the tip of it barely fit into my throat. The burn, the stretch; I felt every tenth of an inch, every bulging attempt of my body to accommodate Bruce's huge cock. It was delicious, I couldn't help but crave the same stretch in my neglected, sopping wet pussy.

"Fuck, you're taking it so well," Bruce moaned wetly. "Your mouth... S'like heaven... Could fuck it all day, that's my good girl," the rambling increased in it's intensity as the pace of his hips hastened. Drool and tears flowed like a river; my chin was dropping with it, spit connected my face to his pelvis. "Oh," there was a brief pause to his movements; suddenly, he pulled out, fisting the base of his cock, staring me down with a ferocious gleem in his eye.

I must've looked a straight mess; my face like a crime scene, my clothes disheveled, covered in fluids and most of all - I was desperately grinding against my own feet, too focused on the glorious cock in front of me to notice the weakness of my own flesh. "Daddy?" I questioned, wincing at the grating of my own voice.

Without a word, the belt was tugged once more; in a set of movements just slightly north of acrobatic, I found myself laying on my back in the middle of the bed, my sweatpants suffering a haste demise in the corner of the room.

Bruce crawled atop me, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses on every inch of my skin he could reach, mouthing something inaudible into every pore of my body. As he drew closer, I discerned bitten-off phrases, stringing my desire into sticky, tangy mess at the apex of my thighs.

"My perfect baby girl," the words reached me; all tongue, he kissed me once more, arching into me as much as I arched into his hot grasp. A brief inspection of my face - he was satisfied with what he saw - and Bruce crawled back, settling in between my spread legs, breathing hot air on the lips of my sex still covered by a sopping wet piece of fabric.

"Oh fuck," I yelped, feeling him smooch it soundly, the hot wetness of his tongue penetrating the meagre lace barrier with ease.

He moved it aside anyway, with a single finger, giving my pussy a broad lick, moaning into my cunt like a man gone mad. It took a few more licks for him to feel sated enough to surface, all the while holding my hips down. I was so sensitive, I felt even the tiniest flicks to my clit, I was sure if I didn't cum then and there, I would explode.

"Such a pretty pussy, princess," his heavy breathing paused briefly. He nipped my thigh. "So wet, is that all for me?"

"Yes, yes, daddy," I rasped, pushing my cunt into his face, losing all shame and trepidation.

"So tasty," he continued the torture, outlining my lower lips before taking another nosedive right into it, swirling his tongue around every fold, sucking onto my clit.

Bruce ate my pussy until my thighs shook, until my core quivered and I could no longer hold back the choked, ragged screams starting somewhere in the low of my belly and coming out as unholy, all-consuming yowls filled with unadulterated lust.

"Louder for me, baby," he inhaled rapidly, and then, he sucked on my clit.

The world stopped, halted on it's axis, every muscle going rigid in my body and every nerve ending simultaneously coming alive. Faintly, I heard a chant, repeating two syllables over and over, it sounded like my voice - but I had no control over myself. All I could do was weakly grind my hips against Bruce's mouth, faltering when the crashing waves of my orgasm began to recede.

The infuriating overstimulation stopped; blinking hazily, I saw Bruce's eyes glimmer brown and green in front of my face. His nose and his chin was glistening with a thin coat of sticky fluid; disheveled and red, he looked a man on the verge of a revelation.

Something hot and blunt nosed at my cunt, bringing back the moment to me - I realized, with a great deal of impatience - how empty I felt. The decision was minute. "Daddy, fuck me, please, I want your cock," the words came easily.

"That's my girl," his eyes fluttered shut as the first inches squeezed through the snug of my cunt. I was sopping wet and as relaxed as I'd be, but even then, it was a stretch. "Good girl, good baby," the mumbled praise made me whine and my pussy clamp on his cock. "Relax, let daddy fill you up." Breathing through it, I consciously unwound myself around him, letting my palms rest freely on his shoulders. "Let daddy take care of you."

Like melted sugar, his husked words stuck to me inside and out. Short, sharp thrusts; Bruce was patiently burrowing himself inside of me, making his way to reach the deepest parts of me I didn't even know existed. His cock head pressed against something hard and spongy inside of me; stars burst behind my eyes I'd clamped shut on reflex.

I moaned weakly, tugging on his arm, pressing myself closer. It felt so, so good. Like a raw nerve had been exposed and he was stroking it, pushing that little switch with every stroke of his hips.

"I'm not gonna last," he muttered as once again, my cunt squeezed him snugly in place, just as greedy as I was to feel that tiny explosion spark up within me again.

"I want..." I panted. Bruce set in a punishing pace after that, a palm under my ass, squeezing it so hard there would definitely be bruising. I craved it, I needed to see the evidence this was not some elaborate fever dream. "I want... Daddy to fill me up," words came out garbled; it sounded like gibberish to my ears but Bruce - they spurred him on.

"Oh yeah?" That breathless, boyish cockiness was back in his voice again; despite how fucked out he sounded, I prepared myself for something truly out of this world. I just knew.

He sat back on his shins, dragging me by the hips with him, making me shiver and moan and twitch and clamp onto him again as his throbbing cock hit that special spot again. And again. And again.

"Look at me, baby," a hand on my belly and his eyes burning right through me. As they slid down, towards the apex of my thighs where he was still moving within me almost lazily, I saw it.

"Oh fuck," I couldn't utter much more than a two-syllabled profanity. There was a bulge in my belly, just above my pelvis, moving in rhythm with Bruce's hips. And then he pressed on it and I-

Something, someone, somewhere was screaming. The noise was loud and pitched, but even then, I could barely hear it though the neverending waves of bliss that enveloped my whole being. Gold and silver at the edges of my rapidly darkening vision; I was drowning in something that smelled and felt like Bruce. The safety of his arms, the warmth of his heated body, the rapid snapping of his hips-

Oh.

"I'm gonna, fuck," the last word was but a ghost of a human speech. Growling low and filthy, Bruce leaned into my ear, his breath hot and moist. "Mine," his hips stuttered, his cock nestled deep, the sensation bordering on painful, forcefully extracted pleasure. It throbbed with every spurt of his seed; each one felt like a solid punch in the gut to my abused pussy.

"Daddy," I mewled, my body jerking away from him but my mind and my soul yearning for more. His rapidly softening flesh made the idea of being separated unbearable.

"S'good, s'my good girl, m'so proud," he mumbled, looking slightly disoriented as he removed himself from me, immediately pressing me to his side and interwining any free, flailing limbs.

We laid in silence, each of us slowly coming back to Earth after the completely unreal experience we just had. I didn't know what to think, didn't know what to do as the realization set in, the post-orgasmic haze giving way to a sudden rush of clarity.

"I can hear you overthinking," Bruce's voice was fond.

Before I could muster up the courage to snark back, the divided doors opened, one very concerned Tony Stark standing there, armed with a tranquilizer gun in one hand and a pack of cookies in the other. His mouth, previously open to (probably) yell at us, remained as open when his eyes had registered the scene in front of him.

I stared at Bruce. Bruce stared at Tony.

"The noise," he offered in the way of explanation, dangling the pack of cookies, looking, for once - speechless. He recovered quickly, however, even if the remark was a thin ghost of his usual sass: "You pick the nerd over me? I'm hurt," he scoffed in mock irritation, although I was pretty sure I saw some satisfaction in there, too.

Bruce looked at me. I looked at Bruce.

A mischievous grin slowly crept up his face, an identical one beginning to appear on my own face seconds after.

"Hey, two nerds is better than one, right?" My response is what did it; or, rather, it was the evidence of my previous throat-fucking clearly audible in my voice... Tony dropped the cookies and then, the tranq gun.

Bruce Banner taglist: @pilloclock @mikariell95 @letsby @sleep-i-ness @toomanyrobins @persephonehemingway @mostly-marvel-musings @schemefrenzy @lillsxd @bluecrazedandbeautiful @slothspaghettiwrites @sapphicnoodle69 @couldntbedamned @xoxabs88xox @marvelsbanner @tripleyeeet @tatestripedsweater @stuckybarton

[sweeterthansammy]

Rough Rider || Bucky Barnes

Biker!Bucky Barnes x Female [Romanoff] biker!Reader; The reader is Bucky’s love interest.

Summary: In which Bucky finds interest in a biker chick.

Genre: Smut

Written in third person point of view.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, public sex, sex on a motorbike, mild choking, fingering, unprotected sex, overstimulation, dirty talk, mild language, and Bucky’s infatuation with a woman that knows how to ride a motorbike :)

Word count: 3.1k+

A/N: Kinda proud of this one 🥲

Important notes: The reader is Nat’s cousin. The reader is at least 21. I know jackshit about motorbikes and models so bear with me. Song used in fic: R U Mine? by Arctic Monkeys. Not BETA’d - all mistakes are mine.

Bucky entered the compound with a wolf whistle, his gloved hand pointing at one of the floor-to-ceiling windows as he approached the kitchen.

“Whose Harley is that out front?” he asked, completely disregarding Y/N who sat at the island, popping a cherry into her mouth.

“Mine,” she muttered, tongue swiping out of her mouth to lick the red juice trickling down her bottom lip.

Bucky looked from Natasha to Y/N, mesmerized by her E/C eyes and the way they basically pierced right into his. He looked back at Nat, silently asking “who’s she?”

“Y/N, this is Bucky, a complete delinquent that’s best friends with Steve. Buck, meet Y/N, my cousin who serves as a sister more or less.”

Y/N stood, a little black dress clinging to her figure, a leather jacket covering her arms. She extended an arm, shaking Bucky’s hand.

“Woah, strong grip there, buddy.”

He chuckled, removing the leather glove and shoving it into the pocket of his own jacket. She looked down at his metal arm.

“Oh, that’s the…” she trailed off, motioning with her hands to make the situation any less awkward than it already was, failing miserably. “Yeah, that arm.”

Bucky was truly a saint. After Nat had given her a rundown of his story, she couldn’t help but empathize for the man. He was simply broken and all she wanted to do was give him a hug and ameliorate him, it didn't matter if she knew him or not. As Nat was called by Steve to help him with something, she and Bucky remained in the kitchen. She broke the silence, popping another cherry into her mouth.

“Hey, wanna go for a spin?” she asked, jiggling her keys in the air as a way to catch his attention.

“Uh, sure, why not?”

As they were about to leave, she stopped in her tracks, eyes ogling at his motorbike.

“Holy shit,” she muttered, admiring the all-black Yamaha YZF-R6 standing in front of her. “This is yours?”

“Been mine since...since I can remember,” he chuckled, kicking at the gravel with the tip of his boot as she continued to analyze his bike.

“Race me.”

Straightforward, isn’t she?

“What?”

“Race me. Harley versus Yamaha.”

“What does the winner get?”

She thought for quite some time, grinning as she looked down at the beauty in front of her.

“Winner gets a ride on the loser's bike until I can think of something else...unless you have any ideas.”

He eyed the black Harley, red accents screaming his name.

“Deal.”

With that, they swung their legs over their seats, saddling up to take off with their beasts. Y/N buckled her helmet on, leaning forward to rev the engine a bit.

“Ready Buck?” she asked over the roaring of both of their engines.

He pulled up next to her, watching the way she planted both feet on either side of the bike.

“Meeting point is back at the compound. Got it?”

Assertive.

She looked over at him, struggling to find his icy orbs through his tinted shield.

“Got it?”

He simply nodded his head once, both riders looking forward before Y/N gave a countdown.

“3...2...1, go!”

Bucky had heard the wildest stories of Y/N, but he always thought that Nat was exaggerating when she said Y/N was the most badass person she knew. She took off, a trail of smoke following the traces of her bike as she zipped down the road.

Bucky was simply taking his time, muttering a quick “oh shit” to himself as he realized she was already around the corner. He used his charm to his advantage, coming to a full stop. He looked ahead, Y/N already backpedaling to check on him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, looking back as he panted.

“I think I got a flat.”

As she jumped off her bike and walked over to his, he revved his engine, taking off.

“Nevermind, I think I’m gonna beat your ass,” he winked at her, taking off.

“Hey- that’s not fair!”

She knew he couldn’t hear her but she got back on her bike, slowly cruising down the street. Eventually, Bucky came into sight, leaning on his bike with a smug look.

“I think you owe me something, doll.”

She simply chuckled, getting off her bike.

“That was fowl.”

She hopped off of her bike, holding onto the handlebars of her bike before he took over.

“Wow,” he mumbled, revving the engine.

“Go on, take ‘er for a spin.”

She watched as he took off again, not fighting the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth.

“And just like that, you’re in love.”

She jumped at the voice that came from behind her, turning to face a man standing at around 6”2’.

“How’d you know?” she asked with a chuckle.

“Bucky’s a pretty good friend of mine. Hated him at first but I grew to love the man as we got older.”

She turned the slightest bit to look at him.

“He’s like a brother,” he assured. “I’m Sam, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Sam. I’m-”

“Y/N. Heard lots about you from the Black Widow herself. What are you doing out here anyway?”

“I was just visiting for a few days. Nat wants me to move out here but I don’t know yet.”

“Well, you should. You’ll be with us for the most part. Besides, Bucky’s making you his girlfriend before you even get the chance to pack your suitcase.”

“What makes you so sure about that?”

She could feel her cheeks burning up as he slowly made his way back to the compound.

“I know when my best friend’s in love. He has this look that fails to mask the fact that he’s in love.”

“Nat, last time we did that-”

“Don’t mention it. Just put your shoes on and come downstairs.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, grabbing a random pair of black high heels before going to meet Natasha downstairs. It seemed that all eyes were on her, everyone admiring the nymph in front of them.

“As I probably mentioned numerous times before-”

“This is your cousin, Y/N. She’s beautiful beyond words and she’s got a killer personality. Nat, I’ve listened to you go on about her for the past two weeks. She’s lovely, but you sound like a broken record at this point, sweetheart,” Steve interjected, offering Y/N a smile while taking Nat’s arm in his.

“She’s got a voluptuous ass too,” she heard Sam mutter under his breath.

“Speak up, sweetie,” she baited with a giggle.

The glare that bored into the side of Sam’s face was all but amiable, his fists copying the actions of his jaw as they tightened at his sides. Sam moved up a bit with a smug, glorious smirk, walking directly next to Y/N.

“You’ve got the man whipped and you haven’t even fucked him yet.”

She nearly choked on her saliva.

“Sam, cut it out,” she scolded the younger man.

“You know it’s true,” he lifted his arms in surrender to her sass, dodging her objection.

Drinking was hardly ever a good idea when Y/N and Nat were together. Y/N had gotten better over the years, knowing her limit with alcohol, but Nat let all hell loose. Unless they weren’t in the middle of a mission, she was taking shot after shot, drink after drink, until she was struggling to stand on her own two feet. Y/N was amazed sometimes as to how she could drink that much without throwing up.

“Another one, come on,” Nat tugged on her arm, the colored lights making her head grow fuzzy as they stood at the bar.

“Two shots of silver tequila, anything’ll do!”

Y/N gagged merely at the sight of clear liquid filling the little glasses.

“Anything else?” the bartender asked over the blaring music, Nat simply scanning everyone’s glasses along the bar.

“Whatever she’s having, the pink thing.”

She bit her lip to suppress a chuckle, earning a concerned look from an obviously drunken Nat.

“What?”

“I’ll be over there with Sam and Tony.”

“But your shot-”

“Take it - I don’t know, do something with it!”

Y/N pat her back, sliding past her as she made her way to the pair sitting at the booth.

“Not up for dancing?” she queried, looking back and forth between them.

“God, no! What, you want me to look like an idiot?”

“C’mon, Tony! Pepper had to teach you something,” she surveyed the nightclub quickly, a silver arm catching her eye rather quickly. “What about you? I’d love to see the ‘Round Brown’ in action.”

“The falcon comes to life in these settings,” he informed her, winking slyly.

She tucked her straw between her lips, a smooth fruity mixture cascading down her throat to suppress the guffaw that danced at the tip of her tongue. The music changed, the lights dimming to a deep, dark purple. She looked at Tony and then Sam, both of them looking around at mounds of bodies on the dance floor.

She followed their eyes, that damn metal arm catching her eyes again. Tons of women threw themselves at him, wanting to get just a little taste of that metal arm, soon leaving solemnly as he turned them away.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll be over there.”

Sam easily replaced Bucky, the ladies now feeling up on him as if he were some hunk of meat. She didn’t spare a word to Tony, only offering a lopsided smile as Pepper made her way over to the booth. Y/N slid from her seat, feeling a sudden warmth settle upon her skin as she made her way over to Bucky. He finally acknowledged her, pupils amplifying against his gunmetal irises.

She couldn’t help her lips from moving along to the lyrics, “I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be / And satisfaction feels like a distant memory / And I can't help myself, all I / Wanna hear her say is ‘Are you mine?’”

His eyes were all but sweet and bright, lust written all over his body as her fingers trailed up his chest, cupping his chin deftly.

“Well, are you mine? / Are you mine? / Are you mine?”

She cocked her head to the side, dismayed by his knowledge of the current song.

“Well, that depends, Mr. Barnes. If you want me to be yours, all you have to do is say the word,” she spoke quiet enough for only him to hear, tongue skimming along the edge of his ear.

By the way he licked his lips, she could tell that he wanted to do more than just verbally claim her.

She’s fucking dangerous.

She looked up at Bucky, fingers coyly playing with each other as if she hadn’t just given him a glimpse of a completely different side to her. His lips were on hers in an instant, hands palming her backside as they slowly inched further up her dress, eventually landing on a little strap of leather higher up her thigh.

He couldn’t help his hands from exploring every inch of her skin, nails leaving gentle burning sensations as they raked at her skin. He lost it when her back arched, her chest colliding with his as her fingers soon got lost in his hair, one leg raising to pull his body closer, if even possible. He pulled away abruptly, one hand cradling the underside of her thigh and the other right under her chin.

“I need you to fuck me, like right now, because I think I might pass out if you don’t,” she spoke gravelly, lips crashing onto his once more in a heated, sloppy kiss.

Her feet were swept from the ground in a matter of a few seconds, arms crossing against Bucky’s back as she dangled over his shoulder. Her eyes traveled over the black motorbike once they’d made it outside, squealing as he held onto her hips, pulling her down so she was seated in his lap as he laid back in his seat. Her hands were everywhere all at once, though seeming to avoid the area in which he needed her the most.

It was quite a scene, a cacophony of grunts and whimpers being evoked from the pair. Hearing the engine of his bike roar, Y/N pulled off, pupils fixated on his with her hands on either side of his face. The ride was quite something - full of lingering, teasing touches, sweet, albeit intense, kisses, and reprehensible whispers.

The faint light of a wacky gas station illuminated his silhouette, his flesh hand easily adjusting itself around her throat, the other working to slide her dress just up around her waist before pushing her underwear aside, running two fingers up her folds. She hummed at the feeling, fingernails digging into that of his arm.

“‘S that feel good, doll?” he asked incoherently, voice barely above a whisper as his tongue nudged into her mouth.

She nodded, earning a buoyant pinch to her cunt. Her insides were going feral, wanting nothing more than his cock.

“I need words, toots.”

“F-uck yes, but I-I want y-ou,” she stammered, groaning when his fingers clamped even harder around her clit, thumb stimulating her nub.

He chuckled as her legs attempted to fly shut, only being stopped by his large thighs that were parting them.

“But you already have me, doll.”

“I-I need you to fuck me,” she got out, fingers draining of color as she balled the leather of his jacket.

His fingers pumped in and out of her, curling against her g-spot once before pulling out. She mentally cursed him out for looking so hot, tongue swiveling around his digits to taste her remnants.

“Fucking delicious,” he crooned, tapping his fingers against her lips before having her own tongue pivot around his faux fingers.

She easily freed him of his bottoms, his cock springing to meet his veiled torso. Her eyes widened.

Jesus fuck-

“It’s rude to stare, sweetheart.”

She looked up at him, back down to his cock, and back up to his face.

“Hey, if you don’t wan-”

“No, god no. I still want you to fuck me. You’re just…bigger than average.”

He chuckled, dog tags clanging against his rumbling chest. Her legs were thrown over his thighs in seconds, tip barely prodding at her entrance. She could feel her skin burning up, eager to have him inside of her. He was taking far too long, manipulating her legs into many different angles so it wouldn’t be as uncomfortable. She griped aloud, palms landing flat on his pecs as she pushed him back against the seat.

“Impatient, huh?” he couldn’t help the cocky grin splayed on his face.

“Taking too long,” she grumbled, sinking down onto him.

She groaned at the feeling, being stretched out beyond her limit. Her head lazed back as if she had no vertebrae, hands getting lost in his hair as his hips bucked up into her. She cried out, legs tightening around his hips as she soon began to bounce on his cock.

“Attagirl,” he praised, hands cupping either of her breasts before flicking over her nipples.

With the way he twitched inside of her and with the way her walls clamped around him, both of them could tell they wouldn’t last too long. It was far beyond erratic and the words spurring out of Bucky’s mouth helped the least bit.

“This pussy was made for me, wasn’t it?”

“Bet no one has fucked you this good yet, huh doll?”

Her legs grew tired as she felt herself lurching on the edge of her climax. She fought the burn, arms holding him impossibly tight as her walls fluttered around him.

“Gonna cum, sweetheart?”

She nodded, not being able to get out one comprehensible word. She came around him with a celestial moan, legs twitching ever so gently. His pace didn’t falter once, hands coming up to her waist as he fucked her through her high. Her eyes widened as she felt herself on the verge of another orgasm, Bucky’s pace relentless as he savored the way she felt so snug around his cock.

“Buck-”

“Fuck, you’re killing me, doll.”

He wanted nothing but to fuck the soul out of her, such pleasant sounds rolling off her tongue. It was a matter of seconds before he swung both legs over his bike, not leaving her body at any point, before hoisting both legs around his torso, hips snapping into hers as if his life depended on it. She yelped, his tip grazing at her cervix. For a moment, she saw stars, vision going blurry as he fucked her into oblivion, another release washing over her.

He slowed down a second, picking his pace back up until he was close. At that point, she was hardly even conscious, walls flexing around him with his nails creating crescent-like welts on her thighs. Her legs clung onto his waist, his hips coming to a halt before spurts of cum filled her. She finally opened her eyes when he’d pulled out of her, shivering at the feeling of his cum trickling out of her.

Bucky ventured off for some water and tissues, anything for a quick fix until they got back to the compound. The flashing of red and blue lights fully alerted her now, the siren growing louder as it approached the station. She looked up at Bucky who was walking out of the gas station with a bottle of water and a box of tissues, scrambling to her feet.

“Easy there, doll. I don’t want you passing out on me now.”

“Buck, we need to leave now.”

The sudden urgency in her tone drew a look of worry on Bucky’s face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, stopping once they faced directly towards one another. “Did I do so-”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she assured him, pecking his lips quickly. “But, I’m afraid that someone reported us to the cops.”

They drove right up the curb, pulling up next to a pump.

“But we didn’t-”

“Public nudity, Buck.”

“We weren’t even naked!”

“To be fair, your dick was out, sweetheart. Not to mention, you did fuck me in the center of a gas station.”

He looked over his shoulder, the eyes of two middle-aged officers stuck on him. As they made their way over to the pair, Y/N hopped onto his bike, Bucky hot on her tail before tapping her thigh.

“Show me how you ride, princess.”

Taglist: @ronbrokemyheart @quxxnxfhxll @eunoia-kth @siriuslyslyslytherin @dracomalfoys-wh0re @rudypankowisdaddy @tenaciousperfectionunknown @i-love-scott-mccall - join here!

[justyoursimpleflower]

A Letter of Love, A Letter of Apology

Warnings:- just angst, no fluff, nothing mentions of death, sucide, crying, death eaters. Not the best of me.

Word count:- 2k

A/N:- this is short and not my best of work, I actually list inspiration for it after sometime. The gif belongs to its respective owners I got it from Pinterest.

July 12th 1978.

Lily was sitting in her apartment that she shared with Marlene and Alice, drinking a glass of wine. Who cares if it's ten in the morning? She wanted to, so she poured herself a glass. Last week had been hectic for Lily, moving out of Hogwarts, and then James proposing her, healer training and so much more. It was as if she didn't even get a moment for her.

It had been not so long since she left Hogwarts, though it felt like a distant memory. Getting out of Hogwarts, joining Order, leaving some friends, leaving some memories, leaving-

"Lily!"

Marlene's voice broke her out of her thoughts, no one knows what would have happened if she hadn't broken her out of her thoughts, she didn't need to go back to those thoughts.

Turning around she saw a horror struck face of Marlene, immediately rising panic in her mind. She left her glass of wine on the railing of the balcony, she rushed to Marlene.

"What is it?" Her voice was heaved with panic, a million of what ifs swirling in her head.

"Another attack." A gasp left Lily's lips, as the words came out of Marlene's lips. Another attack. Another death. Another pain for the people.

But something was different in Marlene's eyes. It wasn't the usual, hatred or sadness at the name of attack, her eyes were teary. Assuming the worst Lily whispered,

"Who?"

"Y/N"

At that moment Lily wanted nothing more than the ground to swallow her or the sky to fall on her. Tears started streaming down her eyes, her heart felt heavy, her mind went fuzzy. Lily couldn't hold herself anymore and fell to her knees, sob racked her body. She was now crying completely, Marlene kneeled herself in front of Lily and held her in a hug. Rubbing her back, she kept whispering,

"I know, I know, she was my friend too."

She didn't know. No one did, and that pained Lily more.

Collecting herself up Marlene made Lily look up, the pain in Lily's eyes was breaking her too but she was supposed to take her for the mission, they can mourn later, but they had to go now.

"C'mon Lils, it's time to go, we have to investigate the place."

Lily didn't even hear her, she was feeling only the voidness she had pushed you into. It was all her fault, you didn't deserved that, maybe if she had never pushed you till there, you would still have lived.

She felt a hand shaking her. Marlene. She wants her to come and investigate the place you took your last breath. She didn't even has a choice in this. She had to. Slowly, she stood up and nodded her head.

Marlene clasped their hands together and they apparted to the small home. It was just like you used to describe, Lily had never visited your home but she knew how it looked, you had painted a perfect picture of it in her head.

James was already there, he, Lily and Marlene were to investigate the place for any traces of Death Eaters. He saw Lily looking broken, his heart broke too, he knew that you and Lily were good friends, but the look in Lily's eyes was pure sorrow.

He was quick to his feet and reached to her, he enveloped her in his arms. Lily's arms never went around him, she just started sobbing on his shoulder, she knew what she was doing was betrayal but how could she stop the pain, coming in the form tears.

"Shh...calm down, love."

Knowing that if she didn't stop now, she won't for long, Lily removed her face from James' shoulder. She gave him a weak smile and nodded her head towards the house, signalling him to enter. James was hesitant but entered anyways, his hand still holding Lily's.

Marlene was standing in the hallway, looking around the pictures, in case any clue. Lily and James joined her and roamed their eyes on the pictures, your smiling face, their joyful days, everything, in the most perfect way. And here are they, falling down by the insurmountable grief, mourning your death, investigating your house.

Lily was slowly breaking, the more she looked at those pictures the more suffocating became the pain. She felt like she's betraying everyone, you, James, her friends, herself.

James rubbed her back and gave her a sad smile, she smiled back but it was genuine, not anymore at least.

"I think we should seperate. Marlene you check the kitchen, I'll go for the living room and Lily you should check bedroom." James said, nodding they all seperated.

When Lily entered your room, everything was mess. Maybe you came here to hide from the death eaters. Shaking the thought from her head, she started looking for any evidence that Death Eaters came.

She flipped the pillows, she racked the desk, she looked in cupboard, but she found nothing. Sighing, she sat on your bed, looking around the room, the mess she made.

Lily's eyes landed on the drawer beside your bed, knowing she won't anything she almost didn't check but something in her was telling her to, believing her instincts, she opened the drawer to find it empty except an envelope.

She was going to leave it when James' voice called her but in the end she turned and stuffed it in her pocket. She reached the living room to find James and Marlene there.

"Did you find something?" Marlene asked.

Lily's hand touched the envelope in her pocket, but she shook her head. She can handle this alone, and she would.

Marlene and Lily apparted after that to their apartment, and Marlene left Lily's side saying, she wants to rest but Lily knew better, she knew that Marlene only wanted to grieve alone, she was never the one to show her emotions openly.

Lily entered her room, and changed into more comfortable clothes. As she sat on her bed, she took out the envelope and looked at it. She turned it few times to check if there was anything she could understand by it, when she found no signs, she hesitantly opened it. Inside it was a folded parchment, no doubt a letter. Lily didn't want to pry but she found herself opening it. So, she started reading.

Dear Lily,

I don't even know if I have the right to call you that anymore. You seem distant more than usual now, I knew it be bad but...this is unbearable. It's eleventh of July, it's my birthday tomorrow, but I think you wouldn't remember. I don't want a lot from you, I would just address this letter and send this to you, just want an acknowledgement from you that you read it.

It's been such a small time but it feels like an eternity when we used to meet, secretly, it hurt me that you didn't want to be seen with me but no worries, no hard feelings, it atleast gave me some thrill.

Okay, no more small talks, I would just tell you want I want to know.

Lily, was it necessary? Was I that bad? Even on my worst day, did I deserve the hell you gave me? What changed?

You promised me, didn't you? You promised me an infinity, but here I am dying slowly, why? Because I can't take this anymore. Till the time you'll find it, I would be long gone. Away from you, away from everyone, away from everything. Look at me, what a coward. I didn't even fight, for the better world. I don't even have it in myself to go with grace, and you are a hero, flying around saving faces.

Our love was calamitous, we were never meant to be, but Lily I hope you live happily.

I won't say don't grieve on my death, do, atleast that'll assure me that even a little, sometime, you loved me, I meant something to you. But Lily, did I actually?

I am happy for you, happy for James that he finally got you. I am happy for your upcoming future with him. Say yes to him, he is a nice guy. Or atleast better than me.

Do you remember our first kiss? Everyone was drunk that night, so drunk that it took two vials of hangover potion, per person to make their headache go. You didn't drink that night, I did but not too much. We both were sitting near the fireplace, you asked me what kind of person was I interested in, I was hesitant, cause to me, you were the only person I had even thought about having romantic feelings. When I didn't answer, you put your hand on mine, I turned around and saw the fire reflecting on your face. You truly were a blessing for eyes. We didn't notice that we leant towards each other until our nose bumped, you initiated the kiss, your lips were on mine, all I could taste from them was strawberry chapstick. Our lips touched softly first, then your tounge swept across my upper lip, my mouth opened on its own, and you took over the kiss, just like you did with my mind, my heart and my soul.

Just like you took over the kiss without me noticing, you took over my life. I was so in love that I never noticed you slipping away from my fingers. But now, I want to tell you that I love you.

I love you, for the best and worst, till my last breathe, until my end. Wish I could tell you that.

I fought with my inner demons, but maybe they were stronger than my love for you. Just so you know, it not entirely you, its me too.

Yours truly,

-Y/N

Tears ricocheted on the parchment, Lily was more than ever broken now. This is what she caused. Death Eaters were not the ones who killed you, you killed yourself, because of her. A sob wrecked her whole body, was she such a bad person?

She loved you, she did but she knew her family would never approve her relation with you, you weren't some

Questions pondering in her head, Lily didn't noticed when she drifted off to sleep.

The next morning was glum, no one talked in the whole apartment, everyone was getting ready for the funeral. It was going to be a really small one, only family and close friends.

Just like that the funeral was over, everyone was quietly talking to each other. James was talking to Lily when he noticed the jewel on Lily's neck,

"Lily, is it the one Y/N got you?"

Lily slowly nodded, she felt hollow, you were the dead one but Lily felt like a corpse.

James sighed and said,

"At least Y/N died a hero."

The furrow between Lily's brows told him that Marlene didn't actually told her the truth, so he said,

"Death Eaters, Y/N killed them but a killing curse during the end..."

That's when it clicked in Lily's mind, you never gave her the letter, meaning you were still contemplating your decisions but till then the Death Eaters...

Slowly, everyone started to return back and towards the end it was only Lily left. She made her way to the grave and fell to her knees, tears started falling, she cursed herself for not telling you how much she loved you. She cursed herself for not one more time telling you how brave you were.

She put the envelope on the grave and left without any other thought. It killed Lily, that she did that but she couldn't do anything now.

The envelope remained there for years, was it the love behind it or was it something else, it was always there, with two words written on it,

"I'm sorry."

[reginaaxxwrites]

Walls Could Talk • Todoroki Shoto

Pro Hero! Shoto x Villain! Reader

warning: mentions of blood, gore, killing, problems in psychological thinking

° • ° • ° •

"I'm asking you again. Why did you kill those people?" Tsukauchi asked the 20-year-old woman.

They were both sitting at a chair, a table between them as they were facing each other. He couldn't believe that the girl who's sitting in front of him, used to dream about being a hero someday.

But instead, she became a wanted villain. A woman who would kill innocent people, enjoying every stab she makes at a lifeless body. Her hands were used to be gentle and pure. Now, it's tainted in blood and hatred.

Tsukauchi didn't understand why she would do such a thing and why did she become what she is.

Y/N looked at him. Instead of answering his question. Her lips form a grin and started to laugh. It frightened him.

"Of course, you would ask that question." She stopped laughing and remained her body composed.

She leans forward even though chains surround her body, keeping her from escaping under their hands.

"I can see how sad and frightened you are, Mr. Tsukauchi. But you see... You can't change the fact that I killed people. I can see it in your eyes that you couldn't believe what I had become. A girl who you once thought a pure and innocent—you probably still think of me that. But I'm sorry to tell you that L/N Y/N is no longer here." She laughed again.

Tsukauchi wanted to save her. Maybe there's another way that could bring herself. He believes that there's still hope to bring back into your senses.

"No one can save me... Not even All Might himself." She looked at him, this time her eyes glowed in red like Aizawa's.

He stood up in his chair, leaving her behind. He took out his phone dialed his number. Maybe he can make her talk. Maybe he can bring her senses back.

Maybe he can bring her back.

He can't let her become like this.

Tsukauchi waited for him to pick up his phone. He balled his fist, his knuckles turning white. He's becoming impatient. He knows that he's busy due to his hero works but if he could just answer the phone.

He's the only person he thought could save her.

"Hello?"

"Shoto! I know that this might not be in a good time. But could you lend me some of yours? I need you here. ASAP." He said in frustration.

Todoroki could hear his frustration and panic through the phone. In fact, Tsukauchi called at a good time since he was about to talk to him about his recent investigation.

"I'll be there in 10 minutes." Todoroki hanged up and went to his car.

Δ Δ Δ

"I don't why Mount Lady said that girls would die if I smiled. Is my smile, deadly? Does my smile kill you?" Todoroki said, sitting beside the girl who tried her best to stop herself from laughing.

"Pfft—Sho, no. You're helpless." She laughed.

Todoroki stared at her. He felt warm in his chest, hearing her laugh, seeing her smile. Everything about her just makes him feel warm and happy.

"Okay—Pfft—I'm done laughing." She giggled, removing her small tears from her eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." She smiled and let her head lay at Todoroki's broad shoulder. "It's just a way of telling that they love how you smile. Because you know... You're handsome, seeing you smile makes them like you even more. It's making me kinda jealous, though." She giggled as she intertwined her fingers to his.

Todoroki caressed her hand and kissed it, making Y/N flustered from his sudden actions.

"Then, should I only smile whenever I'm around you?"

"Oh, stop. That's making me sound a little selfish."

"I don't mind."

"You're literally taking every word seriously, aren't you?"

"Is that bad?"

Y/N once laughed again. Todoroki never fails to make her laugh. But he didn't mind. Her laughs were music to his ears. He loved them. Everything. He loved everything about her.

Days like these... He wishes to stay like these forever. He never wants to let go of her hand. Without her feels empty and cold.

She brings him happiness. A love that once was taken away from him was brought back because of her.

Δ Δ Δ

Todoroki arrived at the police station where Tsukauchi is. Tsukauchi went to Todoroki after seeing him enter inside the building.

"About the investigation—"

"We have some important serious matter besides that mission." He cuts him off. "Follow me." He turned around and walks off.

Todoroki followed him, yet he is confused. What is that important serious matter is he talking about? He hopes that it isn't dangerous because if it is Tsukauchi would not just have called him but also Midoriya and Bakugo.

After entering a room. Todoroki stood there in shock to see a familiar woman sitting inside the custody suite. Chains were surrounded her body as she looks emotionless.

She's breathing, alive. But at the same time, the aura she's giving was cold. There was no warm feeling he used to feel whenever he sees her.

Todoroki could feel his body weakened. How could possibly that the girl he thought died a few years ago was alive and is sitting inside the room? Not knowing that he's outside. He could've sworn he saw her took her last breathe.

"I'm sure you know why I called you."

"H-How? She died in my arms." His voice was shaking.

"Remember the wanted villain? Phantom Scarlet. Who kills innocent people. Whether it's a child or an elder. She kills them without mercy." Tsukauchi feels sick of how brutal her ways of killing are. She likes to kill them in a creative way. She's a psychopath. A serial killer. Sure, saving her is not a solution to this case. But he wanted to know why and how did this happen.

All of her classmates knew that she had died. They were there during her funeral. So how could a dead L/N Y/N is still here, killing people as the way of her fun time, a hobby?

"Maybe you could bring herself back to senses. Or ask the questions that could get answered. I know this is a sensitive favor. But I know that you also, have some questions to ask her." Tsukauchi started to talk. He gave Todoroki a glance that he should enter inside the custody suite.

Todoroki nodded at him as he held the doorknob tightly, taking a deep breath before entering.

He sat down at the chair that faces her and kept himself calm. He took one last glance at the large window where he could see Tsukauchi looking at them.

"Y/N."

The E/C-haired girl looked at the man she once knew. She stared at him, plainly. Not really surprised that he was sitting in front of her.

"Who would've thought that he would call you."

"You died. We were at your funeral. You died during the war between Midoriya and Tomura Shigaraki. How—"

"You know nothing, Todoroki. The man we fought killed my parents, my family. I seek revenge. I wanted to avenge my parents that's why I fought him together with Midoriya even if it caused my life."

Todoroki gripped his pants. He remembered how Shigaraki stabbed her deep. He stabbed the critical parts of her body. She coughed blood, she was losing all of her blood. Todoroki trying to keep the pressure. He was desperate to close your wounds so she would stop bleeding.

"H-How did you survived?"

"I didn't die. Everyone thought I did. But I didn't." She chuckled. "No one dared to open my casket because I wasn't the one who's inside of it."

Todoroki widens his eyes as Tsukauchi heard the words she said. If she isn't the person inside... Then who?

"Surprising, isn't it?" She smiled, her voice in excitement as she was about to reveal something important. "You're wondering who's inside? Honestly, I don't even who's inside. Probably another person's dead body that I killed." She giggled.

Todoroki was in shock to see the girl he loved. Up until now. He couldn't even go out on dates and love another girl because he still loves her.

"Disappointed to see the girl you once fell in love with is a psychopath? I killed people because I wanted to. I woke up and felt an urge to kill. The first time I killed after the war... I felt alive. It's like it was the missing piece in a puzzle. It completed me. I let all of you knew that I died because being with all of you doesn't feel like home anymore."

"What about you told me that you wanted to be a hero? To save people and bring them into justice?" Todoroki asked. He was still looking for her.

Y/N...

"Aww... Can't you see, Shoto? I'm not in the right mindset. I said those words to fit in. When clearly what I wanted was to avenge my family and kill villains. It's a cruel reality, Sho. Accept it."

Bring her back...

"Did you... Did you really loved me?" He looked directly at her eyes. He could've sworn she saw her eyes widen by the sudden question he asked.

He's hoping that even if she lied about becoming a hero and her true intentions. At least the love that she gave to him was enough to make him believe that deep inside she was honest about herself. That she really, truly loved him.

"Our love made me crazy, Shoto. I wanted to kill those girls who come and flirt with you. But I stopped myself because I knew you would leave me. Though, I did hurt Camie once. She kept texting you so I gave her a little warning." She giggled. "You made me a maniac, Shoto. And you didn't even know."

Everything was clear. The days they spent together, he didn't even notice that she was a psychopath. That she has a longing for killing people. But how would he know when you were the girl that kept him warm and loved?

All of it was a lie.

"I did love you. That's why I am willing to kill for you. But seeing your face right now, makes me wanna burst into a laugh. Did I disappoint you? I hope I did."

"STOP! BRING HER BACK. I KNOW SHE'S STILL IN THERE. WHOEVER ARE YOU—JUST FUCKING BRING HER BACK!" Todoroki couldn't hold it any longer and shouted at her.

He refused to believe, but how can he tell that this wasn't happening when she told him everything.

Everything is twisted.

"Give up, Shoto. You can't save everyone. That includes me. Let me go and move on." Y/N said in a gentle voice. Todoroki calmed himself but he already knew.

She has a split personality.

"Y/N?"

"There's nothing you can do. I let myself do this. I chose this path." She looked at him the way she looked at him during their high school days. "No one can stop me from killing." Then a split second, she was no longer there, again.

"That's enough, Shoto," Tsukauchi called to get their attention. "We've got the answers we wanted. It's enough."

It was truly terrifying. Tsukauchi looked at her. She was still there but it feels like she isn't.

Todoroki went out of the room, feeling sick about what happened. She had a split personality all this time. He couldn't save her... He can't save her. Not anymore. In order for her to stop killing, is by locking her inside a psychiatric ward or by putting her on a death sentence.

"Thank you for your help, Shoto. And I'm sorry." He followed Todoroki as sat down in frustration. His right hand on his face, still shocked about everything.

"It's all my fault."

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Californian Dream (Pt. 11 of 11)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 2.3 K

Summary: Being part of one of the richest families of California doesn't mean you're happy. Your life is boring, and you're surrounded by meaningless people and their meaningless talk. Even during Summer, with the break you have from college, there's nothing good going on. Nothing but the new pool guy, Billy, the most handsome man you ever saw. You were successfully avoiding him, not wanting to act like an idiot in front of the guy until Billy accepts to be your date for a fancy gala you're forced to attend. The night was going well, even better when he sneaked you out to go to the beach. But a gang of criminals breaks into the party, kidnapping the heirs to the wealthiest families, which includes you. So, for your safety, your parents want you to stay with Billy, living in his apartment until the criminals are caught. And that could take weeks, maybe even months.

Warnings: Light violence

<- Previous part (10)

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

×

California Never Felt Like Home

Even though he's not going anywhere any time soon, you hook one leg around his waist, just to pull him a little closer. “You're my prisoner now.” You mutter, sleep still clouding your voice.

“I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.” He answers, placing kisses all over your face.

“The good part is that we'll have all the afternoon to ourselves.” You giggle, moving to lay on your back with Billy hovering over you.

“I'll take you to see the sunset on that beach you like. Completely desert.” He says in a low voice. “If we survive your parents.”

“We already did.” Kissing him, you move to lie on top of him. “It'll be at this super expensive, fancy restaurant, so it means they won't yell at me or put on a show.”

“Sometimes I think you should consider what you're giving up.” He gets sad suddenly, sighing. You know what he's thinking about, and it will take time for Billy to see and understand this is what you really want.

“I'm giving up a huge house I never felt like it was mine. Lots of money that never brought me happiness.” In between the words, you place kisses all over his face. “But what I'm getting...? God, it's amazing.” Sitting up, you straddle his hips. “I got real friends now, and a home. And an awesome boyfriend who doesn't compare to the assholes on my parents' list.”

“I'm so happy I'm around to see the good daughter rebelling.” He sits up too, strong arms encircling your waist. “You look so good, little rebel.”

“You're just saying that because I'm wearing your shirt.” Wrapping your arms around his neck, you raise an eyebrow. Yesterday, you decided to pick one of his shirts to put on instead of your regular pajamas.

“Babe, you look good on everything. But I gotta admit seeing you wearing my clothes is very hot.”

Smiling, you can't help but blush. “We still have a few hours, so I think we can maybe make out for a while?” Biting your lip at his smirk, you giggle.

“Starting the day off with good ideas already.” He mutters, holding you up and throwing you back on the mattress. “This is the first day of the rest of your lives, you know that, right? Because I'm never letting you go. Unless you get tired of me.”

“I don't think I'll ever get tired of you, so yes...” Caressing his cheek, you take a deep breath, the sunlight illuminating his face. “The very first day of the rest of our lives.”

•••

The morning bliss had to be interrupted. But, as you sit across from your mother at the restaurant, you don't feel scared, or nervous. You feel perfectly fine. You're not dressed for this place, you can see it in your mother's eyes, but you don't care. You like the clothes you're wearing, and your mother's disgusting stare makes you chuckle under your breath. Making yourself comfortable, you ignore the silence. Nobody is saying anything, and your father has been staring at Billy as if he could kill him with his stare.

“So... I believe you want an explanation.” You start, cupping your hands together above the table. “Billy and I are dating. And I'll be living with him.”

“Is it some kind of joke?” Your mother interrupts, leaning closer. “You can't possibly think I'll believe you'll do that.” You're about to say something when she raises a hand, and you shut your mouth. “I get it, (Y/N). Billy is good looking, he has this appeal, he's different from the guys you're used to, rougher around the edges, I get all that. But this? This is insane.”

It's only a matter of time for the insults to begin, you're aware of that. “That's not all, mother.” You add, not even considering giving her a proper answer. “I'm not going to course Law anymore. I'll look for something I actually like. And go to the public University.”

“What the–”

“I have a good job now, at a store of diving equipment and I love it.” Cutting your father short, you raise your voice just a little. “That's my life now. I'm not going back to the house, but I want you both to know that I'll visit, of course, and you can visit me whenever you want and–”

“I'm not going to let you throw your entire life on the trash because of the freaking pool guy.” Your father's voice storms out, making a few people look your way. He does seem a little embarrassed, but definitely angry. “This man–” He points at Billy, and you hold his hand under the table. “–he can give you nothing. Nothing. What do you have in life, Hargrove? I shitty job, a tiny apartment. Do you think you can provide to someone like my daughter?” There it is. The insults. And, knowing exactly what Neil told Billy, you won't let your father treat him this way.

“You wanna know what Billy gave me, father?” Smiling, you begin. “He gave me a life. I never felt truly happy, never. Not in our mansion, or those fancy galas, or wearing fashionable clothes. Never. But with the pool guy, as you call him, in his tiny apartment with his lowlife friends? I finally felt something. I finally felt life was worth living.”

“Alright.” He slams his fist on the table, glancing at your mother, a mean smile on his face. “If you insist on doing this, I'll disown you.” He giggles, a hand half covering his mouth. “You won't see any cents from me anymore. Is that what you want?”

He looks like he got everything figured out. Exchanging a stare with Billy, you can tell he's worried. Does he think you'll fall for this? Squeezing his hand a little and smiling, you try to reassure him. He must feel awful, seated here, and listening to all this shit. “I–”

The waiter comes and you're cut short, waiting for your parents to order whatever they want to eat. “Oh, finally. We'll want Muffin Pan Shrimp Ragoon. Thought I'll give my kid one last decent lunch at a decent restaurant. What do you think?”

Seriously? “I can't eat that.” You think it's so obvious, but by the look on your father's face, he doesn't get it.

“What? Do you want to order something more expensive as a goodbye to your good life?”

“She's allergic to shrimp,” Billy speaks for the first time, his voice strong and deep. Both your parents look a little surprised, but soon enough recognition comes to their faces.

They completely forgot, but it doesn't bother you. You're happy Billy actually remembered it. You only mentioned it once, at the gala. “It's alright, though. We'll have lunch by the beach.” You tell them, smiling at Billy.

“Let me guess...” He dismisses the waiter with a gesture of his hand. “Sandwiches and soda?”

“Actually, yes.” Exclaiming, you stand up, and Billy does the same. It's over. You told them what's gonna happen now, and they have to make peace with that. And if your father wants to change his will and cut you out of it, so be it. “I made them myself and they're delicious.”

“For goodness sake.” Your mother mutters, running a hand through her hair. “Honey, please think this through, alright? Your house will be opened whenever you want to come back.”

“Thanks, mom. I will visit, I promise.” That said, you smile at them before turning away, hand in hand with Billy, walking away from the table.

“You better wipe off your bank account, (Y/N), because you'll never get a penny from me again!” Your father yells, and you simply wave at him, not even bothering to look back.

When you're outside, you feel light-headed, relieved. “This wasn't as bad as it could be.” You breathe out, walking to where Billy parked his car, a block away.

“Did he mean it? About disowning you?” He sounds serious, despite the smile that's on your face.

Turning around without letting go of his hand, you start walking backward. “I don't give a damn.” Speaking slowly, you wink at him, stopping suddenly and letting him come closer by himself before grabbing the collar of his shirt and tiptoeing to kiss him, sweet and slow.

“What the– (Y/N)?” Someone calls and since you do know who it is, you keep kissing Billy for a while longer. “Holy shit.”

It makes you giggle when he pulls your closer, deepening the kiss. But eventually, you have to breathe, so you break apart, a smile on your lips.

“Care to explain why the hell you're making out with the pool guy? In public?” Daniel says as you turn to face him. He has a girl with him, but you don't know who she is. He seems better, given the time he spent held hostage. “Have you lost your mind, girl?”

Sighing, you roll your eyes at him. You have a lunch date on the beach, and you don't wanna waste any more time with meaningless people. “Yeah. I'm dating the pool guy.” You tell him, shrugging your shoulders. “Actually, I'm in love with the pool guy. And now I work at a scuba diving store, so you can come up with some kind of name for me too, but you wanna know what? I don't give a damn.” Pulling Billy harder, you start walking again. “I'd love to say that we'll be seeing each other soon, but we won't. So... Goodbye, Daniel.” Turning on your heels, you leave the couple behind.

The drive to the beach is short, and instead of sitting on the sand, you chose to seat on the hood of his car. Which he now calls Lily, and you peacefully eat the sandwiches and drink the soda. You wouldn't trade it for all the money in the world. The ocean, the sunlight, the fresh wind messing with your hair. The simple food, the hood of his car... And him. Billy is certainly the best part. Having him here is indescribable, and knowing you'll go back home with him is even better.

“So... Will you help me chose something to major in?” You ask as he helps you climb off of the hood, taking your hand and starting to walk down the beach.

“Actually, I have some fresh news coming straight from Jason.” He says, a bright smile on his lips.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you stop to look at him. “What news...?”

“Mr. and Mrs. Heeler, from the store.” Billy starts, putting a strand of hair behind your ear. “They want to retire and they're thinking about passing the store over to you and Jason since they don't have any relatives. If you both agree on being associates.”

“Oh my God!” You exclaim, tiptoeing to crash your lips on his. “This is amazing.”

“Please act surprised when Jason tells you.” In a sudden motion, Billy reaches for your thighs, pulling you up and wrapping your legs around his waist. Using his shoulder for balance, you giggle. “He didn't want me to tell you but I couldn't resist.”

“This is just awesome. This is...” Taking a deep breath, you take a look at the ocean. The sound of the waves crashing is low and calming, and the way the sunlight reflects on the water shines like liquid silver. Then, you look at Billy again, his smile warming up your heart. “I love you.” You haven't said it yet, but it feels like the right time. And this is how you feel. You've never been in love before, but you know how this is how it feels. Like someone owns your whole heart. “I'm not sure if you feel the same but I just need you to know that–”

“I'm completely in love with you.” Billy cuts you off, bouncing you up a little and making the way back to his car. “I have been for a while and that scared the hell out of me.” When you reach Lily, he puts you down on the hood, remaining in between your legs. “But now... I'm sure of it. I want a life with you. A future.”

Blushing, you smile, your forehead touching Billy's. “So that thing you said about me getting to pick the kid's names...” You tease, placing a kiss on the corner of his lips.

“I mean it, if...” Pulling away from a little, he locks eyes with you. “If you don't pick something silly like the name you insisted on giving my car.”

“It's not silly!” Playfully, you try to push him away, giggling when he grabs your sides, tickling you. “Alright! Alright!” After a while you manage to stop him, his hands going back to your hips. “We'll pick names we both like. How does it sound?”

“It sounds like we're talking about kids even before getting married.”

“What?” Furrowing your eyebrows, you try to process what the hell he just said. “Sorry, I thought you heard you talking about...”

“I never felt like the type for marriage but, God, I want to marry you,” Billy exclaims, connecting his lips to yours.

You have a lot to say, a lot of things to ask, but you surrender to the kiss instead. This is all the answers you need. His lips on yours, on this paradise on Earth.

California never felt like home because home isn't a place, but a person. Billy is your home. Wherever you are, if he's with you, it's the right place. Nothing else needs to be said. The life you had before vanished like smoke in the air, and this is even better than everything you could ever dream of. Not all the money in the world can buy this moment, and you don't regret a thing. Love is far more important, and now that you found it, nothing will make you let it go.

×

@multific @dontxfearxthereaper @nope-thanks @nikkixostan @shinydixon @clockworkballerina @infinitelycharmed23 @lilred91 @moatsnow

[levithestripper]

Hello My Old Heart

a/n: I felt it was only right to commemorate the final chapter of Attack on Titan with an angst fic about the last chapter. listen to Hello My Old Heart by The Oh Hellos while reading for the full experience!

✩ warnings: chapter 139 spoilers, talk of character death. ✩

✩ taglist: @myglitteringstardust @alicchi @sleepysnk @waywardsongbird3 ✩

✩ If you want to be added to a taglist, fill this out! ✩

Hello, my old heart, how have you been?

Footsteps clacked against the stone ground. The steam cleared, showing off Mikasa gently cradling Eren’s severed head. Mikasa was disturbingly calm. As if the trauma of it all desensitized her to the realities of Eren’s death. That she’s never going to be able to see that cute kid he was again. Or hear the determined sound of his voice, like when he finally mastered his broken ODM Gear. Or hear his laughter after pulling a prank on Jean. It’s like she still thought he was here. Eren did everything in his power to keep her safe, to keep her alive. To keep them all alive.

Eren told her that he wants her to forget about him when he dies. Wanted her to throw away that old red scarf of hers, to truly leave him behind. Leave him behind, dead and cold in his grave. To forget about him and move on with her life. To find someone so much better, someone so much better for her than he could ever be. Eren loved her with all of his heart. Loved her more than himself at some points. He built up walls around her to keep her safe, to keep her safe from anyone that tried to hurt her.

Are you still there inside my chest?

Armin crumbled to the floor in front of her, sobs wracking his body. His brother was dead. His brother was dead. His brother was dead. His decapitated head was sitting right in front of him. His head should still be on his body! Eren should still be here! He has to still be alive, what is he going to do without him? Eren needs to be here, he needs his brother! Eren was always there to pick him up, to push him forwards, gave him confidence when he was bullied and made fun of. What was he going to do without him now? Eren was the whole reason why he pursued that stupid, stupid dream of his. Armin clutched his brother's head against his chest, hunched over as he wailed. Thick tears streamed down his face, dripping down his chin, some even getting in his mouth. His blond hair stuck to his forehead, matted down with sweat and dirt. Why does all of his family leave him alone? Why is he always alone in this world?

I've been so worried, you've been so still

Barely beating at all

Eren used to sit under that tree and talk with Armin for hours, just as long as they were both back home before dinnertime. Armin would bring his book and read to him, talking all about the oceans full of sand, water so salty that no merchant could collect it all. Sometimes, Eren would bring the action figures his father bought for him when he went on trips to the Capitol. They’d run around and laugh till the sunset, dreaming of the day that they both could see the pictures in Armin’s book for real.

When the Survey Corps finally made it to the sea was the last good memory they all collectively had together. Back when everyone was still alive. Back when Sasha and Hange were around before Levi was injured. Before Eren became the monster he ended up as. Armin often found himself looking back at it, remembering when he sat in the shallow water, laughing with Mikasa and freaking out over sea creatures with Eren. He remembered Jean and Connie dunking each other under the waves, gasping when they swallowed some and found out how salty it was. How Levi was still looking after and protecting Hange from injuring herself again. Oh, if he could only go back to those days. He missed those days, seeing Sasha always smiling so brightly, listening to Hange frantically going on and on about a theory they had.

He thinks back to their days in training, how young they all were still. How young and naive they were to the things ahead of them. When Jean was still an asshole when Marco was still alive. Before Reiner, Annie, and Bertolt were all out as traitors. They were so, so ignorant to the world around them, to what was going on. But he wouldn’t have had it any other way. If given the chance, he wouldn’t have done anything differently.

Oh, don't leave me here alone

Don't tell me that we've grown

After Eren’s funeral, Jean had pulled Armin off to the side, wanting to reminisce about the old days.

“Do you remember that one time in our third year of training, right before we graduated, the prank Marco pulled on me?” Jean asked with a chuckle. They were sitting where the Yeager household used to be. It was still in shambles, the roof was still caved in, cobblestone porch crumbling as they walked on it. They sat on the edge of it, feet dangling, soles of their shoes scraping the dirt. “He filled my pillowcase with and bed sheets with itching powder, so when I got up in the morning I’d itch myself raw from how much he used. When we had to line up for roll call that morning, I couldn’t stop moving so Shadis made me run until I passed out.”

Armin nodded, rolling a pebble around in the palm of his hands. “That was a fun day. I’ve never seen someone strip that fast before. You came back and were practically throwing your uniform off as you ran to the pond right outside of camp.” He looked up at him, the smallest of smiles on his face. They were both dressed in suits, white dress shirts, and black ties, with matching shiny back dress shoes. Jean’s hair was pulled back into a short ponytail, a little tuft of fluffy hair on the back of his head. He had shaved his undercut again, looking a little bit like his old fifteen-year-old self again. Jean had shaved Armin’s undercut as well, helping him clean up his look a bit.

“Oh! Or that time when I dared Eren to get Captain Levi to crack a raw egg on his own head?” Armin laughed softly, smiling up at Jean as he spoke. “Eren-Eren he walked up to him and handed him the egg, you know? And said ‘Hey, Captain Levi! I need you to hold out your hand for me! Now close your eyes!’ And Captain actually did it! Then Eren positioned his hand above his head and told him to let go!” Jean had a huge grin spread across his face, one that Armin hadn’t seen in a while. He missed it. It was nice to finally hear Jean laughing again. It was nice seeing the little crinkles that form in the corner of his eyes when he smiles too hard. Little lines were coming in around his mouth now too. He seemed so much older than he used to.

“Remember right before graduation, the night before the Trost attack, when we all snuck into the girls' barracks and had a sleepover? You tried so hard to sleep the closest to Mikasa’s bunk.” Armin laughed this time, his eyes shining again if you looked real hard. “To think that was the last normal night we had before everything changed. The last night we still had everyone around. Before Marco died.” Jean looked down at his lap, playing with his right hand. “I know he was cremated, but did you ever make a memorial of sorts somewhere for him?”

He shook his head solemnly. “I didn’t have the chance. I thought about it, but no place was good enough. Marco deserved so much more than I could give him, I couldn’t find a place that deserved his presence.” He looked up again, turning to face Armin. “His mother made one in her backyard, I might do the same, now that I'm back home."

"I miss him, Jean." Armin wiped at his cheek, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill over. "I miss Sasha, I miss Hange, I miss Erwin!" The tears started readily flowing now, dripping off his chin and onto the stone below him. He hiccuped and sniffled, voice wobbly. "I miss my brother, Jean. I want my brother back. Why did they take him from me! I still need him, I-I can-can't do this without him!"

Jean pulled Armin close to his side by his shoulder, rubbing the top of his back, slowly moving up and down to soothe him. "Shhh, shhh. It's okay, it's okay. Let it all out, alright?" Jean rubbed his arm, going back and forth from his arm to his back. "I know, Armin. I miss him too. I miss him too. But it's going to get better. I promise you, it's going to get better. Here, look at me." He placed his index finger under Armin's chin, tilting his head so he's forced to look him in the eyes. "Eren might be gone from this world, but it doesn't mean he left completely. He's still alive here." He pressed his palm to Armin's chest, right over his heart. "He trusted you with saving humanity. He knows he can trust you to keep his memory alive. You'll see them all again when it's your turn to leave. They'll all be there waiting for you. Eren will be right there, holding out his hand for you to take like he did when you were little."

Armin had managed to keep his composure throughout the funeral. He stood up straight, looked forward, and participated without any hesitation. Although if you looked at his face, you could see the cracks in his mask. Could see the tears looming in the distance, how his straight face wanted to fade into a shaky frown. You could see how hard he wanted to break down and cry. How he wanted to collapse onto his knees and beg for whoever was up above to bring Eren back to him. Mikasa, on the other hand, was a mess. She had her scarf wrapped up around her face, covering her mouth. Her tears made the fabric discolored and soppy.

“Tha-Thank you, Jean. You alwa-always know what to say to make me feel better.” He chuckled sadly. “You’re too good at making me feel better. I shouldn’t be falling apart like this.” His hiccuping started to stop, tears slowing as well. Armin took Jean’s hands in his own, rubbing his thumbs against the meat of his palms. “Thank you for always being here for me.” He smiled up at him the best he could.

Jean enveloped Armin’s hands in his own, completely dwarfing his. “Don’t ever apologize to me about your emotions. Ever. They’re expected to happen in times like this, okay? It’s okay for you to cry even when the seems to be no reason to.” He stroked his thumbs over the backs of Armin’s hands. “I’ll always be here for you, okay? No matter what. Call me and I’ll come running.”

For having loved a little while

Oh, I don't wanna be alone, I wanna find a home

And I wanna share it with you

After a while, Jean and Armin went back to where the funeral had taken place. Mikasa was still there, waiting for them to return. From there, they and the rest of their family walked behind the trio, up to the tree on that hill Eren loved so much. It was sunny out, just like how it was when they were little. Accept this time, there wasn’t a giant wall blocking Eren’s view anymore.

Reiner and Jean dug Eren’s grave. His casket was deep mahogany, the wood polished and shiny. Although, it was smaller than a normal casket should be. Eren’s head was the only thing they could bury so it was more like a small box. Mikasa was the one to lower Eren into the ground, setting him down gently in the almost six-foot hole. When they filled the dirt back in, it seemed like there was too much dirt to fit the hole they had dug. A large mound of it was piled on top of the grave, too large to put the headstone on yet. Everyone went home after that, heading off to their respective homes to leave Mikasa to grieve in peace.

She remembers the cabin in the woods from her dream with Eren. Remembers how happy they seemed to be together. She wishes that they really could just run away still, run away and live together forever, maybe have a couple of kids too. Eren never talked about having children, but she hoped that he would give her some anyways. Eren would’ve been a good father, better than Grisha, at least.

Mikasa pulled the scarf off from around her neck, clutching it in her hands. All she seemed to be able to do was stare at it, hoping something good would come from it. She stroked the fabric with her dirty thumb, pressing it to her face. It’s almost like she could feel Eren wrapping it around her for the first time again. Could feel him taking her hand as he walked her back to his house for the first time. When she first met Armin, she was holding Eren’s hand too. Seems like he always had a thing for protecting her, even if it was just from possibly walking too far out into the street, huh?

Hello, my old heart

Mikasa stared up at the sky. The sun was out and a few clouds were here and there. These were the kinds of days that Eren loved the most, especially when he was little. When his mother called him inside for dinner, he’d beg to eat outside, or at least if he and Mikasa could eat outside. More often than not, he was forced inside to sit at the table with the rest of his family. That kid could never be contained, always wanted to be running somewhere, exploring something, finding something new, it didn’t matter what it was. Just mattered that he had Mikasa with him.

It's been so long

At this point, she barely remembered her parents. Her earliest memory was when Eren came and saved her, sweeping her off her feet in the most ten-year-old boy way possible. She remembers that rush of power standing in that house. Thinking to herself, why is my body moving on my own like this? Why, why does my head hurt so suddenly? Where’s mom and dad? Why’d they have to leave so soon? Then after that, all that's there is Eren. Ten-year-old Eren, twelve-year-old Eren, fifteen-year-old Eren, nineteen-year-old Eren. All with a shining light behind him. A proud look on his face, a determined expression. A face that tells you everything is going to be okay, that he’s going to fix everything for you to keep you safe.

Since I've given you away

There was no more Yeager family anymore. All of them were gone. She doesn’t know if she can even consider herself a Yeager. Carla always said she was her daughter, but she never really embraced it. But if the Yeager’s aren’t here to tell their stories, who will?

After all, he became the devil so she could become an angel. And what kind of angel would she be if she didn’t live? She fought, she won, now she can live. She doesn’t have to be strong anymore. She sniffled softly, hands coming up to her face, covering her eyes. Tears came soon after, pooling in the palms of her hands and pulling out from the sides. Her body shook slightly from her sobs, her back quivered and her shoulders shuddered from the intensity of them. Her knees got pulled up to her chest, her head moving to rest on them. “…I can’t believe you’re gone for real this time, Eren… You said you’d wrap this scarf around me every time I asked, now how will you?”

And every day, I add another stone, to the walls I built around you

To keep you safe

Squawking of birds could be heard from above. A group of Arctic Jaeger’s were circling the tree, crying out their songs for one another. One of them flew down closer to Mikasa, landing on top of Eren’s grave. It looked over at her, chattering softly. The bird hopped up and down the best it could, trying to get her attention. It flapped its wings, moving over to sit on the crest of her knee. Its beak nudged her hand, making Mikasa look at it. The bird tilted its head back and forth at her, seemingly trying to smile. The bird bobbed its head, leaning in to press the side of its head to her cheek. It seemed like it wanted to wipe her tears away, but unable to since it didn’t have hands to cup her face with, or thumbs to stroke the apples of her cheeks. Mikasa held the bird close, carefully stoking its wings and back. “Thank you for wrapping this scarf around me, Eren.”

The bird wiggled around until Mikasa let it go, watching it fly off to meet up with its friends in the sky. It chirped a sweet goodbye to her, waiting until Mikasa waved before leaving completely.

Nothing lasts forever

Some things aren't meant to be

But you'll never find the answers

Until you set your old heart free

“Thank you, Eren, for everything.”

[nolansnose]

To my moots: I did A THING. Wrote a lil something. A Nolpat imagine *gasps*

This is unfinished and I will only be updating this everytime Patty gets a point or better yet, score a goal!

Edited and rb'd because this has been updated!

(With added steam 🙈)

Summary: Surprise!

Nolan Patrick x whoever you wanna pair him with in your head

UNTITLED

They hadn't exchanged any kind of communication in three weeks. That kind of radio silence from both their ends wasn't normal. It has been a month since they saw each other last, they were both busy --- she with the endless demands and responsibilities of being the new executive assistant to the director of medical services while Nolan was training in preparation for the incoming season.

It amazes her how they were able to give each other attention in the past year and how they haven't given up on each other. It wasn't easy, it's daunting at times, at least for her.

For someone with such a demanding job and schedule, she truly couldn't figure out how she was able to give time to Nolan.

She didn't understand how someone like her was able to pique his interest or that he continued to give her attention, well, not until these past few weeks. She may be busy but during moments that she wasn't thinking about work, Nolan makes sudden, sometimes unwelcome appearances in her thoughts.

Unwelcome because she shouldn't be thinking about him. They're not... Argh! She sighed and put down the book she's trying so hard to understand in her lap. She's in an old cottage by the beach, alone for this long weekend, her first non work related trip after a long while since being appointed and she's alone. She should be relaxing, resting, eating sumptuous meals and reading this... Shit it was Nolan who gave her this book. Why did she pick this one to bring? She sighed again and tried for the nth time to relax in the couch she was perched on. She put her feet up in the arm rest and reached for the tea in the side table to drink but grimaced as its already cold.

As cold as the weather that wasnt apt for the place she was in. Beaches are made for warm, summery weather, not rain and cold drafts. She looked out the window and shook her head because it was still raining. The rain peltering the roof was loud and... what was that?

She heard something beside the raindrops. Footsteps. Rustling. Knocking? Was someone knocking?

But she wasn't expecting anyone.

Still, she stood up and headed for the kitchen which was near the parking area of the resort she was in. She clutched her chest when she saw another shadow beside the plants outside. Shit! A thief? But this was an exclusive resort!

She grabbed the fruit bowl in the counter and headed for the kitchen door. There was that sound again. Footsteps. And knocking.

She took a deep breath and raised the bowl above her head, ready to whack whoever was on the other side of that door. She unfastened the locks and opened the door.

"Fuck!", the 'intruder' called out and caught the bowl before it made contact with his face.

"Nolan?", she blinked.

The newcomer put down the bowl and raised the hood of his jacket. "Hi,"

"I thought you were a thief!"

Nolan looked at her with amusement. " I knocked but there was no answer."

"When was that? I didn't hear anything."

"Uh, five minutes ago?", he asked as he grabbed a clean towel out of the basket on the washing machine near the door. "May I?"

She exhaled loudly while moving away from the door so Nolan could dry his shoes in the mat and removed his jacket which was also wet.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. How did he even know she was here? Oh. Right. She remembered telling him about this weekend trip the last time they were together.

"I missed you," he said. "You didn't text or call."

"You never did, too," she pointed out.

"Hey, I called," he said with a bit of pain in his voice.

"When did you call?"

"Are you going to let me come in or do I have to defend myself by your kitchen door?"

2

"What's that for?", she asked having glanced at his backpack.

"Change of clothes. I've been in town for a few days, actually ", he replied honestly.

She gave him another quick look before going back to retrieve the cup of tea in the living room and brought it up in the kitchen to heat in the microwave. She felt his eyes on her while she set the timer.

"Chamomile?", Nolan asked just as he put down his already opened backpack in the kitchen counter and took out a clean pair of socks.

She didn't know whether to be irritated or happy that he remembered her preference. Normally, she'd appreciate it but now she felt cornered. Vulnerable. She came here to unwind, rest and think, -- to escape from all that's troubling her -- that included Nolan.

Yep, trouble. That's Nolan, alright. What else would you call the man who chose to entangle himself with someone like her? Even for a weekend, she wanted a break. She wanted him out of her head, her body and her bed.

"You still haven't answered why you're here," she took the mug out of the oven and set it on the counter. She caught the smirk on his face. "What?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Nolan took a step towards her and tenderly caressed her arm."Didn't you miss me?"

She looked up into his eyes to see a worry there she didn't normally see.

They've talked about their situation a handful of times before, where they're headed eventually. Together they've decided that its better if no one else knew whatever kind of relationship they were to have.

She can't remember exactly how that topic came about, but they wound up in bed together before defined lines were ever set.

This, whatever this was, has gone on for a year, a short time compared to others. She knew she shouldn't keep her hopes or expectations up, but sometimes, she gets tired of her feelings being hurt from a misunderstanding because nothing was solid or made public. Sometimes the feelings were his. Sometimes he acted jealous or frustrated because she behaved in a way that made him question the exclusivity they had agreed on a year ago.

"Not at all?" His low, lazy voice pulled her back from her thoughts.

She shook her head. "No."

He leaned into her some more, their closeness made her feel like she's drowning. "Liar."

Then his mouth met hers and she instinctively opened her mouth to allow his tongue to enter. He tasted sweet and salty like caramel popcorn. He satisfied every urge and each craving.

A whimper escaped her throat and he had her pushed against the counter with one hand in her hair as the other lifted her leg and grabbed her ass. He knew how to completely envelop her into a whirlwind of sex. It started out with a kiss as it always did.

And this kiss grew more fervent and she felt a familiar hardness push against her in just the right place. He made her feel sexy and desirable in a way that she revelled in. His kisses were addictive.

Its hard to reclaim her sanity everytime they ended up like this, like he drained whatever courage she had left. But before she could totally gave in, she held Nolan's arm firmly and pushed him away from her. He moaned a little as a protest but moved away and let her right herself.

The desire for her was evident in his eyes, in his jeans and she tried not to look but his scent, his kiss lingered. She was still dazed and her heart was beating wildly.

"What?" He asked as he touched the edge of his mouth.

"We can't continue this, Nolan", she insisted.

He shook his head. "We're not doing anything we haven't done bef----"

"No", she cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "This as in hiding. We thought it wont get this complicated given our work and who we are, we thought it'd be easy. None of this is easy, Nolan."

"Thank you for saying we, instead of you," he nodded as he answered. "Seriously. We both said this unofficial exclusive thing would be easy and a breeze and I'm glad you didn't pile the blame for your feelings just on me."

She looked at him carefully. Sometimes, his prankness still startled and overwhelmed her. She hoped and tried hard for its effect to not register on her face.

"Whoa," he said with one eyebrow raised when her gaze turned squinty. "Why are you looking at me like I just told you I'm getting married or something?"

"Let's end this, Nolan," she said in a faint voice, then grabbed the mug of tea again.

She felt him observing her eventhough her attention was on the tea she's drinking.

"You already said that four months ago."

"This time I meant it." She said in a voice lacking of conviction.

[gwen-ever]

Until My Last Breath (Prologue)

Summary: When Smaug arrived, he not only killed the dwarves of Erebor, but he also destroyed the lives of the few who survived... whether he did it on purpose or not.After a hundred years, a part of Thorin's past will come back to haunt him in the form of a dwarf who last knocks on the door of Bilbo Baggins' house, resurrecting old grudges and the pain of a life no one wants to talk about. Geira, daughter of Geiri, is anything but an open book, an exiled who no one wants around, a warrior who has no one to fight for, but only an oath she must fulfil.

Relationships: Thorin x FemaleOC

Rating: M

Warnings: none.

AO3 LINK: HERE

Note Number I: English is not my first language, I have a wonderful beta @lathalea <3 (i am so much greatful you can't even imagine) but maybe I will mess up few times.

Note Number II: The Story takes place during the quest but there is a whole backstory that starts since Thorin's childhood so there are going to be a lot of flashbacks. THEY ARE NOT IN A CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER so the whole back story could be guessed but will be explained later in the story.

Note Number III: I will mix up the book events and the movie events, fixing what where (from my point of view) some mistakes were made. I have decided to do so simply because there are some lacks of infos here and there and so many lost possibilities in some actionless time, as happened in Mirkwood and Laketown.

I am blood of your blood, and bone of your bone, stone of your stone

I gift you my body so it can fall instead of yours.

I give you my soul so it can  wait for yours in the Great Halls.

I lend you my voice so it can order your commands

I present you my sword so it can slay the ones who wish to harm you.

No other dwarf will be mine, no other dwarf will own me,

no one will sleep next to me, no life will come out from the womb of mine.

No one I will serve over the crown, over the Seven Stars, over the Father of all fathers, over the King of all Kings.

I offer myself to you, until the end of times, until the mountains soar to the sky,

until all the blood dries, until the fires of Mahal’s forge blaze high.

Until my last breath, until my last glance, until my last blow,

until the last time my hands touch the rock our Father gave to us,

my life is yours and your wish is mine.

--------------------------------------------------

The house of Bilbo Baggins was more crowded than usual that evening, and the owner was more than a little disconcerted: not only had his peace of mind been disturbed, not only was his larder completely, utterly, depleted, but his kitchen, indeed his whole house, was overrun with dwarves! Thirteen dwarves! Plus a wizard he had met in the morning whom he barely knew and had marked the door with a rune, thanks to which his guests had recognised the Hobbit's dwelling. Truly, Bilbo Baggins did not know how to begin to drive them out, he had been trying since the first one (Dwalin, if he remembered correctly) had walked in through the round door, obviously without being heard by any of them.

Crockery, knives, pots and pans, everything had begun to fly from one side of the room to the other without ever stopping. He tried more than once to stop them, without ever succeeding! At that moment his Took blood was more useless than a fork when eating soup. In fact, his Baggins blood had gotten the better of him, leading him to accept the situation with no small amount of annoyance, including those black strokes on his yellow walls and the fragments of food scattered on the floor. Oh, not to mention his good wine, totally gone! It had taken him hours to sort out his pantry between days before and now all his food, all his tomatoes, all his wine, all his cheese, everything, gone, vanished, and it was not even the time for the spring solstice party yet!

And now, or in heaven's name, now Gandalf had even had the courage to tell him that he would have to get used to them! To all of them! To the twelve dwarves in his kitchen! And what on earth did the wizard mean by saying  that he would have to put up with them forever!

Annoyed, he began to walk down the corridor arguing with Gandalf and putting his hands on his hips.

"I don't understand what they are doing in my house!" he shouted, raising his voice.

The wizard didn't reply, but a small voice behind him did and before he knew it his entire set of porcelains was in the air.  His cutlery was being knocked over his table. Knife blades were being dulled by their rubbing against fork handles, and before he knew it, in time to the music, his entire kitchen set was flying through the air.  Oh no, no no no, not that chair, no, not that plate, no not that other plate! No, stop, please!

His pleas were soaring through the air, as if they were leaves on a wind, as were his dishes. And Gandalf sat smoking his pipe on a chair with an amused smile while all this happened before his eyes. Bilbo ran to the kitchen to put an end to this madness, but as soon as he did so, he noticed to his surprise that all the things that had been flying over his head until just now were neatly stacked on top of each other on his kitchen table.

He blinked, several times adjusting his braces, unable to believe his eyes.

The dwarves seemed highly amused by his reaction, and began to laugh, until three knocks on the door brought silence and an icy air that he could feel all the way down to his hobbit ankles.

"He is here," Gandalf said.

From the doorway a short while later another dwarf entered and it didn't take him long to realise that he was different, very different from the others who had entered his home moments before. Every single beard turned to face the newcomer as he walked inside.

Bilbo didn't know who it was and he didn't even really care, no one would enter his house unannounced, no one.

But he couldn't admit that his blood ran cold in his veins as soon as that dwarf started talking to him and asking him all those strange questions. What did he mean by axe or sword? Did he really believe that a hobbit like him had ever picked up either weapon? Who did he think he was? He could not hide his confusion at the last statement of the so-called Thorin Oakenshield.

"He looks more of a grocer than a burglar," he joked.

It was all too absurd for Bilbo's poor hobbit ears, all so surreal! His life, monotonous and lonely until a few hours ago, was now changing, he could feel it in his bones, and he could not understand if it was a good thing or not: he had always dreamed of adventure when he was a young hobbit, but now it was different; the walls of his home were so comforting and safe, every object was a certainty for him. His life was there and he would never leave it, no sir!

Calmness, however, continued to reign for a long time, during which the largest of the dwarves, with a long red beard, went to his kitchen and with an almost surreal care began to prepare a soup. Thorin Oakenshield sat down at the head of the table and was soon joined by the oldest of the dwarves who had entered his house, Balin, and two of the youngest, the two brothers Fili and Kili.

They began to talk in low voices, in a calm and quiet tone, just like everyone else in his house. It seemed absurd, but at least he was able to sort out some of the leftovers that had been left behind in the kitchen back in his own larder and eavesdrop, even if he didn't want to (it was rude) on some of the conversations that various small groups of dwarves were having. The ties of kinship were quickly understood, as was the realisation that Thorin was not really just another dwarf. No more plate was flying, no more song was being sung, but not out of fear, out of respect.

He turned his head, watching the almost regal profile as he spoke to the bear who came into the house first, but he could not hear what they were talking about, the fact was that their faces were dark, and Dwalin's eyes moved insistently over him.

A short while later Bombur returned with the soup, handing it to Thorin, and in the blink of an eye the groups of dwarves in his house were grouped together again, sitting around the table. He wasn't invited, that's normal, there's a meeting in a house and the owner of that house isn't invited! Not that he cared, of course not, the apple he was putting in the basket in the kitchen was certainly more interesting.

But he couldn't help but listen.

"What news from the Ered Luin, did they all come?" asked the older dwarf.

"Aye, envoys from all seven kingdoms," the voice of Thorin spoke, setting off a round of small laughs and joyful murmurs.

"And what do the dwarves of the Iron Hills say? Is Dain with us?"

A long wait ensued in which Bilbo swore he could hear the heart of every single dwarf in the room beating wildly.

"They will not come,"

The dwarf's reply was sharp and decisive. Disconsolate murmurs rose from his dining room that only increased in volume and quantity when he spoke again. "They said this quest is ours and ours alone,"

They began to talk in low voices, in a calm and quiet tone, just like everyone else in his house. It seemed absurd, but at least he was able to sort out some of the leftovers that had been left behind in the kitchen back in his own larder and eavesdrop, even if he didn't want to (it was rude) on some of the conversations that various small groups in that group were having. The ties of kinship were quickly understood, as was the realisation that Thorin was not really just another dwarf. No more  flying plates, no more singing songs, but not out of fear, out of respect.

A coughing noise, however, stopped the murmurs and caused Bilbo to turn to the table from behind the kitchen wall as well, distracting himself from his chores. Gandalf settled into the small chair and began to search the sleeve of his grey robe.

"This indeed, it is not entirely true," he explained as he slowly pulled a long wooden pipe from his sleeve. "There is someone else who has yet to arrive," the sorcerer explained, barely looking Thorin in the eye.

For all the pipe weed in the world, again?

The dwarf at the head of the table stopped sipping from his goblet of ale, giving him a sidelong glance but remained silent. Instead, the dwarf named Gloin spoke, crossing his arms over his chest. "This means yet another division of profit, all of which should have been agreed upon first." he muttered.

"Agreed, this matter should have been dealt with weeks ago," Dori pinned, pulling himself up.

Gandalf did not even look up at the elder dwarf, adjusting the tobacco in his pipe.  "My decision was made after our meeting in the Ered Luin. And Master Gloin, I think that our member does not wish any of that gold in that Mountain."

"Who is it?" grunted Dwalin suspiciously, looking up at the wizard who lit his pipe with his fingertips.

Bofur chuckled under his big black mustache, puffing an avalanche of white smoke from the side of his mouth. "Another burglar?"

"A burglar for the burglar," Fili grinned at the back of the room.

"A burglar made for the burglar," Kili added and their banter invited the murmurs from just before. This time, however, they were louder, more confused, as was his hobbit head.

A torrent of questions flooded the room as they all asked questions of the wizard, who, bewildered, tried to answer; only Thorin's intervention put an end to the commotion created, shouting warnings in their native tongue. Then he turned to the sorcerer himself, glancing at him.

"The questions that have arisen around this table are fair," he began earnestly, "I have not been informed of any others, none of this was a part of the bargain, Gandalf."

Gandalf smiled with the side of his mouth taking a puff of his pipe. "I was told to find the fourteenth member of this company and so I did, the addition of a fifteenth should not be an unsolvable problem."

"As I said it wasn't in the agreements and last minute clauses at a time like this are not convenient, not at all," retorted the dwarf bringing silence again.

Bilbo looked at the dwarves, clouded by the smoke from the pipes and the warmth of the candles around the table. They looked at each other's hands or watched Thorin in silence, not uttering a breath.

Gandalf put down his pipe and crossed his arms on the table, moving slightly closer to the dwarf with long raven hair.

"I assure you that my choice was not taken lightly, and if I had thought it was right a few months ago I would have reported it to you back then. But it was not possible," Gandalf lowered the tone of his voice even further. "You must trust me on this."

"Is this person crucial to what we must accomplish?" he asked quietly, looking straight into his eyes.

The wizard murmured a small "yes" between his lips, nodding his head slightly as he continued to look the dwarf lord straight in the eye.

Thorin said nothing, watched the wizard for a few more seconds before letting himself go off the back of his chair and then he took a sip of ale from his mug again. The conversation had ended in a few simple sentences, yet Bilbo noticed how the wizard continued to look at Thorin insistently.

Gandalf brushed his gloves around his hands with his fingertips dropping his gaze downwards for a few seconds before turning his head back towards him.

"Bilbo, my dear fellow," he called to him in a manner far more cheerful than his face was capable of showing. "Let us have a little more light".

----/////----

A snort passed her lips.

She was dreadfully late, which she hated from the bottom of her heart; and she hated the fact that she was going to a strange house of a Hobbit whose identity she did not know, although after all those years she had become accustomed to being in the homes of strangers quite often. Perhaps the real reason for her stomach clenching was not whose house it was but who she was supposed to meet in that house and the reason why she was going to that house. Because when she would see them again, all of them , it would not be pleasant or easy.

Far from it.

She didn't even think it would ever happen, nor did he want it to happen again.

She slung her sack over her shoulder as she climbed up the little dirt road, passing funny grass-covered houses by the round door: if it had been daytime, a riot of colours would have accompanied her path and perhaps, for a few minutes, she would not have thought about the imminent meeting.

She would have stopped for a few brief moments on that bench next to the path and sat there for a short while, perhaps lighting her pipe or watching those very peaceful people go about their simple business. Watching them do simple, mechanical things, perhaps in another life she might even have stayed in such a place, in peace, with someone. But no, too many years had passed, she had seen too much, heard too much, and she would not be able to live like that, not there.

Suddenly, a faint pale light caught her attention: she approached it and, with a thump in her heart, recognised the rune that the sorcerer had traced so that they could all see it. She reached the garden and climbed the small steps that led to the round green door. She ran a hand over her leather bodice and gathered in her heart all the emotions she could possibly feel.

Hatred, fury, pain and anger, so much anger.

She gritted her teeth and tried to ignore the voices she could hear through the door.  Taking a deep breath to calm her already jangled nerves, she knocked, hearing a great commotion and excited voices from inside.

The door suddenly opened, and it was the sorcerer himself who filled her field of vision: he broke into a rather smug smile, proud to have been right for the umpteenth time.

He knew she would come at last.

She had met him only a few weeks before and he was exactly as the rumours said. Gandalf's every move was studied and planned and, who knows why, everything corresponded to the plan he had devised; how every cog in that mechanism worked was a great mystery. Yet for that, she could not but admire him.

So, after he had silently nodded his head, she entered the cosy, warm house that smelled of good food and wine and was lit by the soft light of candles; she followed him into a corridor and the smell of ashes and moss entered her nostrils, as well as that of processed tobacco and malt. In a few steps she found herself in front of a small room where, around a table, were crammed all the others who, as soon as they glimpsed their new guest, assumed the most surprised and astonished expressions she had ever seen. Their faces turned pale, their beards seemed to stretch to the floor, and none of them dared say a word. Only one of them stood up so fast that he knocked over the stool on which he was sitting, irate.

"What is she doing here?!"

The rumble of thunder rumbled through the room and like a thunderbolt it brought to light old hidden shadows, old whispered words, broken oaths.

--------------------------------------------------

You're blood of my blood, bone of my bone, stone of my stone,

I embrace your body to let it protect me

I take your soul and forge for it a place next to me in the Great Halls

I take your voice which I will hear above all others

I take your sword and I present you my shield which will protect you from my enemies.

No other dwarf will be yours, no other dwarf you will serve,

no one will  keep you company at night, no life will come out from you.

No one you will serve over me, over the Seven Stars, over the Father of all fathers, over the King of all Kings.

I offer myself to your hands until the start to the end, until the skies fall on the ground,

until all the bones crack, until the  fires of Mahal’s forge blaze high.

Until my last breath, until my last glance, until my last blow,

until the last time my hands touch the rock our Father gave to us

my desires are yours, your pain is mine.

[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Eleventh Letter

----------------

To: Boo Seungkwan

From: Y/N

Dear Seungkwan,

now that school is about to begin again, I've been thinking of you a lot. I just kept reminiscing the sweet moments we had and now, after all that reminiscing, though it's only been a few days since I rejected you, I realized this. I love you.

First things first, how are you? I hope you're doing fine.

Back to what I was saying, after this realization (that I loved you), my heart began to thump out of my chest. I feel so stupid. I'm a college student and yet, why does it seem like I do not know love? I was so sure I didn't like you as a lover but now that you and I aren't seeing each other, I miss you like crazy.

However, as much as I want to see you, I don't think I'll have the courage to talk to you. After I rejected you, I'm sure things are way too awkward between us.

I know you probably don't know this but I looked back on our text messages and sometimes, you were also online. I would see you typing out a message only for you to delete it and not send anything. Inside, I hoped that you would send me a text and see that I was viewing our chat the entire time.

I want to tell you first, I want to do everything first, but for some reason, I can't pick up the courage to do it. I know that maybe it will be better for me to make the first move and confess that I've loved you all along, but I just can't do it. Even after knowing that this love is mutual, I can't do it.

I don't know why either. I believe it's because I truly want to focus on my studies and leave college on a good note. However, at the same time, I wonder if I'm just being cowardly. I have made the first move before and I am quite confident that I can, but I just... I can't. It's a confusing feeling, Seungkwan.

I don't want to be selfish and keep you for myself but I want to be selfish and hope that maybe this selfishness would make both of us happier. We've only known each other for a few months and since summer is so short, the timing wasn't that great for us.

The only way we really met was at the cafe I worked at and the volunteer event that was hosted every week. When we did get to know each other and started hanging out, it still wasn't that much time because you enrolled in summer vocal lessons.

With so little time to get to know you, I'm not confident that we can truly become a good couple. To me, it seems like you and I are complete opposites. You're funny and loud and you can easily brighten any kind of atmosphere meanwhile I just blend in with it.

You told me that you liked me for a while and I'm sorry I didn't notice it. You continued liking me because you wanted to but even so, I feel a bit bad because, in the end, you don't even get to be with me. I like you too, Seungkwan, I just can't confess.

Is it really because I can't? Or I don't want to? I'm not sure and this feeling confuses me as well, I just can't describe it. I've always been indecisive even when I'm confident in my answers, which I know sounds stupid. I am a stupid person. I don't know how to love someone properly and it's my fault.

Anyway, back then, when you were beginning to show interest in me, I should have taken the hint. Was it near spring when you started coming to the cafe?

You would always crack a joke whenever I was the one who delivered you your coffee or took your order, and every single one of them made me smile, giggle, and laugh. I should have looked a bit closer at your expressions when you told those jokes. It wasn't until later during summer that I started noticing your sparkling eyes, heart-fluttering smile, and the way you gazed at me.

I think our romance involved only around time. When I spent time with you, I felt like I could spend all the time in the world with you, but eventually, reality hit me. We met during the summer and I have my final year of college coming soon, would being with you be a benefit? No, it shouldn't be a benefit.

Love is about loving someone just because. It's not about benefits. I think now, as I'm writing this letter, I've come to a conclusion. I just don't want to confess to you.

I think it's because I don't want the hardship of a relationship. It's not that I loved you any less than everyone else I fell for, because I do love you, but I don't want to have a relationship. My career path is chosen and I'm creating a road in front of me, will I have time for you?

Every relationship comes with hardships and sweet moments. Would the hardships be worth the sweetness? I think it will, but right now, I have to be the one who knows myself best; and I know that I need to be able to focus. Love can either help me or interfere with school.

It's not going to be easy for both of us. You told me that you wanted to go to graduate school and that you're also currently in college. If we did start dating, it would have been hard anyway. After college, I'm also going to graduate school, and I plan to go to one far far away from here.

Even if we decide that a relationship isn't for us, I want you to remember the sweet times we had. In that little time, you made me so happy without me even realizing it.

Whenever you volunteered, you were one of the hardest workers. I also always wanted to compliment your hands because to me, they looked so beautiful.

Sometimes when I needed help putting on an apron, you would not hesitate to help me. I would remember how you placed down everything and came to me to help when you saw me struggling. Instead of awkward silence, you talked to me casually while tying the strands behind my back, your touch so gentle.

That's why whenever I saw you struggling, I wanted to help too. Sorry I couldn't keep a conversation though, the silence between us was a bit awkward, but for some reason, it was also sweet. You thanked me afterward with your voice all shy and at that moment, I was a bit surprised by your cute expression and hidden shy nature.

Well, of course, I got to see more of it too.

Remember when that grandma told us we looked good together? It was during a volunteer event where we run a coffee truck and give out freebies from the cafe. You and I were operating the freebies section with a few others and an old granny came up to us.

Her eyes were a beautiful brown and she had her hair tied in a bun. She gave us such a sweet smile as we handed her the free cookie.

“I want this for my grandson,” She said, smiling sweetly.

“Your grandson? Then take another one!” You replied. You're such a smooth speaker. You can get along well with anyone, I envy you, Seungkwan.

“Really? Thank you, you must be a great son.”

As she was about to leave, her back slouched, she turned back and said, “By the way, you two match each other quite well. Are you guys perhaps...”

I remember you glancing at me with a gentle smile the shaking it off shyly. “No, we aren't...”

She apologized with another smile and then left.

It was that night that you confessed to me.

You offered to take me home and under a streetlight, you told me while scratching your head shyly, “I like you, Y/N.”

I wasn't sure of my feelings then, that's why I agreed when you offered to take me on three dates to see if I would change my mind; thinking about it makes me smile because all those three dates were fun, memorable, and warmly sweet.

The first date we went on was a bit awkward at first, but it was mainly fun. You took me to an arcade where we played a variety of games. You were extremely competitive and naturally funny. You made me laugh a lot that day and you made me comfortable. I enjoyed the time with you.

For our second date, you took me to a volleyball game. You continued rambling on and on about how much you loved sports. Even though you were just talking and watching the game, I didn't feel bored. Since you were so into the game, I became interested in it too.

After the volleyball game, you took me to a stadium and helped me learn to play. At first, each bounce would get you worried that I hurt my hand. You would keep brushing your fingers against mine. Playing volleyball was fun with you too, Seungkwan.

Our last, third date was at the amusement park. You were scared of many rides but got through with it because of me, you said. I found it cute whenever you were whining or sulking. I'm glad that you were being yourself around me.

When you were sending me home after that date, you asked me to hold hands. Your voice was so quiet and shy that I almost didn't hear you. I could tell that you were a bit doubtful that I would comply, and when I did let you hold my hand, you were smiling so brightly. I can't forget that shy, bright, beautiful smile.

Your hand was so warm.

We continued to see each other because you're a regular at the cafe. You order the same Americano.

After a few days of letting me think, you finally came up to me as I was leaving the cafe.

“Y/N,” You said, your voice sounding somewhat hopeful. “About my confession...”

I was quiet because, at that moment, I didn't have my feelings sorted out yet. I just thought that the timing wasn't right and that I shouldn't be in a relationship, and that I should focus on preparing for my last year of college.

Stupidly, I replied, “I'm sorry, Seungkwan.”

I could tell you were hurt. I couldn't explain any further about how much I liked you because I was idiotic and didn't realize it.

“It's okay. It's completely fine. I respect your choice... do you want me to walk you home?”

You continued smiling at me and talking with me but you sounded so hurt so I sent you away.

My father told me, when I visited him in the hospital a few days ago, that love is all about timing. With the amount of time we had and the amount of time we were going to get, it didn't seem like it was going to be a flower road.

The timing wasn't right.

If only I had met you not during the summer, but during a time where I had all the time in the world to spend with you... If only I had time.

I don't want to forget the memories we made. I know I'm a bit foolish and this bitter ending is partially my fault. I didn't have the right timing back then, now, and even in the future, I just know it.

Now, all I can do is sigh and reminisce.

-----------------

If only there was more time for us, maybe love could have been expandable.

From,

Y/N

© serenityseventeen

7/8/21 - 11:09 am

a/n: I have to go take a test later because I'm moving to a public (high) school... I'm nervous but I'm sure it'd be fine. + Hoshi getting scared while practicing spider is so funny lol

[artsyxloner]

Not Just a Monster

Warning: violence, blood, talks about self harm

12: Little kind gestures Pt2

I felt my heart flutter right through my chest. I had just held his hand, not thinking it through. It was warm and soft, sure I've held other guys hands but there's was nothing like Hyun-Su's

I wonder what he was thinking? He probably thinks I'm wired, Turing my head to see if he was still there I breathed out in relief when he wasn't.

A smile must have crept onto my lips because I felt my cheeks heat up. I don't know why I was smiling or why my heart was beating a mile per minute?

It shouldn't be because I'm in on shape or form to be thinking about someone like that especially when we're both infected we have our problems to deal with.

Sitting down on the chair that was in front of the door I didn't know why I had to guard others let Hyun-Su or the others out if Eun-Hyuk needed them.

It was most likely Hyun-Su though, waiting around a couple of people came up to the cell holding a piece of paper in their hand it was Jay-Hwan.

Standing up I crossed my arms, " what are you here for?" I questioned, he Extended out his hand and I immediately snatched it from his hands.

Flipping it open I read it was a list of objects he wanted Hyun-Su to get. I rolled my eyes he had just got back not even a few minutes ago and now they're wanting him to go back?

Bullshit!

" really? He just back, now you're wanting him to go up there again?" I shoved the piece of paper back into his hands. The guy scoffed, " so, it's the only thing he's good for."

He shoved past me calling for Hyun-Su, if I could only punch the guy in his face multiple times to get some sense into him I would be content.

" I could do it."

I hurried and spoke before he got here. Jay-Hwan turned and looked at me Raising his brow. " you?" I nodded, " I made it back last time with the guy in the wheelchair and a couple of others."

" That was you?" I couldn't stop myself so I flicked his head, for his dumb question, he made an 'Ow' sound rubbing it. " who else Casper?" I proclaimed.

I a couple of people chuckled, Just give me the paper and I'll be off. He was about to give it to me when Hyun-Su's voice stopped us. " another request?"

" more like a demand," I uttered under my breath. But that was meant to be heard. Jae-Hwan gave me a sharp glare, there turned to Hyun-Su.

" just a couple of things, I need." He slid the paper through the small bars on the door. He grabbed it looking it over, " I already said I would do it!" I barked, he shrugged.

" let me get my things." Jae-hwan smirked, " trying to protect your boyfriend huh?" He whispered when Hyun-Su left. Was he trying to poi's me off? " he's not my boyfriend!" retorted back.

We began to bicker until Hyun-Su got back. " Make sure you get everything!" Jay-Hwan said in a threatened, manner. And his group of friends left.

How do people like that Survive In a world like this? I shook my head unlocking the door letting Hyun-Su out. Walking out he stopped gripping his spear, " I wouldn't worry about him, people like that don't Survive long anyway."

I sighed, shaking my head, " what about me?" I frowned looking up at him, thinking it over truly no one Survives in a world like this even the good. " well you know what I mean? At least you're not a jerk." I pointed out.

In the corner of my eye, I saw a small Tug on his lips. I didn't say anything because he knew he would deny it. " well you should get going don't want to keep them waiting."

Hyun-Su nodded. About to leave but I grabbed his jacket sleeve, " be careful okay, promise." I grabbed his hand linking our pinky's then pressing our thumbs together.

" there know you just promised me." I smiled, but he was staring at me again deciding to ignore the awkward situation I let go. " go," I pushy-him to get a move on. Shewing him away with my hands.

As he did he kept looking back in the got to the end of the hall Disappearing. After he was gone I leaned back on one of the door letting out a deep breath. What did I just do?

I keep thinking and say I shouldn't like him and I shouldn't get close but it's like I can't help myself and I ignore my warnings. Why was this so frustrating and Complicated.

Sitting down again, I closed the door locking it, sitting down again. I looked at my clothes noticing how bad condition they were in. All bloodied and ripped up I needed something new to wear.

Getting up, there's no since in guarding unless Hyun-Su was in there in case someone wanted to request something. And Suk-Hyun wouldn't come out he's been quiet for a while but I wasn't complaining.

Getting up I taking the keys I walked over to the office, and gave Eun-Hyuk the keys before walking out he began to talk. " make sure someone else is guarding we don't won't no brake outs." He said looking through some types books.

" of course," was the only thing I said then walked out, searching for someone to guard the door, I soon found the man I met upstairs. " Gil-Seob do you mind guarding right now."

He was up on a latter with I'm not Binoculars searching for something. He lowered them taking a quick nod. " sure kid, I probably need to rest my eyes anyway." He climbed downs.

I bowed saying thank you and we took are separate ways. Walking over to the day-care-Center I checked if anyone's was in the room. Finding no one, I closed the door going over to the couch I dragged out my duffel bag I stuffed under there.

Unzipping the bag I pulled out a shirt and a dark blue shirt with skate boarding skeletons on it. I then slid on my brown Demi jacket. 

Feeling better in new clothes I found in a basket of clothes, I zipped it back up and pushed back under the couch. I wonder if Hyun-Su was doing right now?

I hope he wasn't fighting a monster, biting the inside of my lip I prayed he was okay. Going out I saw the group was in the entrance backing away from something, getting a closer look I saw it was coming from another hallway that led to one of Quarantine room doors.

It slowly came into view, it was all hairy with long hair. It reminded me of a Sloth from how slow it moved towards us. Hearing gasps people Readied there weapons I heart sunk wondering if it was Hyun-Su but it couldn't be since there was no way he was back yet.

Then I realized who it was it was Suk-Hyun he had finally turned in someway I felt bad for him even though he was a complete ass no one really Deserves this.

The Mysterious looking guy came in front of him as if he was going to kill the monster but the store owner wife came into view. " that's my husband, stay back." She moved towards him with a bat in her hands.

I knew what she was about to do, the group kept telling her not to get close but she just Ignored them. " pull yourself together Suk-Hyun!"

She ordered them a hand shot out from his mop of hair. She the said it a second time a hit him upside the head with the metal bar screaming.

" you decided to come back. Any last words?" I couldn't watch, even though I didn't like the guy it was still heartbreaking. She then started to hit then guy in the head.

Hearing the kids cry out watching this scene unfold I grabbed them covering there eyes. As I shut mine, cringing at the cracking and mushing sounds.

I took the kids away because they didn't need to witness this. I didn't either knowing I will turn and they will do this to me I couldn't take it. The thought of them killing me made me want to cry.

Going near the Quarantine room I saw the door had been busted open. I stuck the kids in there because the day-care-Center was on the other side were it was happing.

Blood and hair was all over the place I wanted to puke. I sat the kids on Hyun-Su's mattress. " are they going to do that to Hyun-Su?" Yeong-Su blurted out, I could tell he was concerned.

Knowing I can't lie because they would, I nodded. Going over to the kids, I sat down with each of them on my side. " why? Hyun-Su's my friend." The little boy did a pouty face. I wanted to smile but I couldn't, " because They think all monsters are bad but let me tell you guys something?"

I brought the closer hugging the kids. " not all monsters do monstrous things. Sometimes they even defeat the bad guys that can be humans." I tried to explain not all of us where terrible.

The kids nodded trying to understand, where I was coming from. " Hyun-Su won't hurt us right?" Su-Yeong asked leanings in my side.

" No, I don't see that happening just remember what I just told you okay." I patted her back. " we are going to wait here until it's all over with okay?"

The kids then agreed, as we waited they soon left the room with Mrs. Cha that came to get them I stayed in here so after I started to hear footsteps coming this way.

I soon realized it was Hyun-Su he was back, I closed my eyes breathing out he was okay I began to get worried. He came into the room I then noticed some blood on his face. He seemed Surprised seeing me in here.

" I didn't want to watch." I brought my knees up to my chest, Hyun-Su just stared down thinking of something, was it because of what happened with Suk-Hyun?

Padding a seat on the softish mattress, I got his attention and waved for him to sit down. " come." He did as told and took a seat. " Are you okay?" I knew he wasn't if he saw what happened to Suk-Hyun.

" yeah, I'm fine what about you?" He turned his head staring at me. Was I okay? Probably not but I lied knowing that's the best answer to give right now.

That was everyone's answer because they don't what to say no I'm actually crumbling inside and I just want help.

So for know it Yeah or yes. I leaned my hand back staring at nothing until I got a glimpse of something on Hyun-Su's arm. I wanted to ask.

" what happened?" I pointed at the scar that was peaking out from his jacket sleeve. " I did it." He shortly replied, I Raised an eyebrow. " no I am why how did it to you?" I shot back knowing someone else was in on this.

I then grabbed his arm pulling up his sleeve seeing a long scar that looked like it had two line across it. My eyes winded a little. Why would he do this do himself who made him do it?

" does it hurt?" He had to think on it the mumbled no, shaking my head I took out the band-Aid he had going on the shelf behind him and took a couple. Unwrapping them I stuck them on here feeling his scar graze over my thumb.

" there, every time it hurts put a band-aid on it." Mentioned, pulling his sleeve back down. Then getting up going to leave but then stopped.

" be sure to get some rest you never know when there going to ask you to do something again." I informed, letting him know he needs his rest.

[tsrookie]

Alright, so today’s the three-year anniversary of Reputation a.k.a the greatest album of all time, my baby, the light of my life, the album that deserved a Grammy (trying desperately not to think about the scene from Miss Americana😭), the album that introduced us to the most beautiful couple ever, the album that shut Kimye up, and I better stop now, or else I’m not gonna shut up.

So in honour of this momentous occasion (and the fact that I reached 200+ followers! Thank you so much you guys!🥺 Love you all 3000💙), here’s a loooooong post on why Reputation is the Ethan and MC album.

1. ...Ready For It?

No one has to know

Throwback to MC saying the exact same words back in Miami.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

You should see the things we do, baby, mmm

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

I know I'm gonna be with you

So I take my time

Remember back when MC asked for Ethan to get into bed right away during their first time? Ethan told them that he had dreamt about the moment for months, so he wasn’t going to rush it.

2. End Game

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me would be a big conversation

These two dating would be the talk of the hospital, and they know it.

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long

And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song

For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Think these lines are pretty self-explanatory😌

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

*gets war flashbacks of the ‘reset’ phase*😭 They tried to make it work, but we all know how Ch 8 of book 2 went😌

I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

Perfect for our chaotic MC😌

3. Don’t Blame Me

Do I... really have to explain this one?

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

Do we need a recap of our rule-breaking MC?

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

He was willing to risk his (mostly) rule-abiding reputation for being with MC. And there’s no way he wouldn’t beg for MC not to leave him if he ever screwed up🤷‍♀️

4. Delicate

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Ethan stood by MC’s side throughout the Ethics hearing, when her reputation was completely smeared, and people only saw her as a patient murderer. He didn’t know about the sabotages, but he would’ve definitely supported her if he had known.

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Commitment-phobia🙃

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time

They spent so much of time apart, not able to be with each other, so the least they could do was dream of being with each other all the time.

5. So It Goes (an underrated af bop)

What can I say... it’s a sex song, okay? Don’t make me go into the details😂 Just listen to the lyrics, and all will be clear.

6. Gorgeous (Tumblr won’t let me put any more links)

MC’s eternal anthem to Ethan.

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

We all know Ethan loves Whiskey, and the second line? C’mon!

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But, what can I say?

You're gorgeous

Ethan Ramsey is famous for two reasons. One: his smart brain, I guess😒 Two: HIS LOOKS!!! HE’S GORGEOUS, AND DON’T DENY IT.

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)

Ah, the olden days of hand holding in the diagnostics office🥺

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

No explanation required.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

The wonderful will-they-won’t-they saga. The frustrating hot-and-cold behaviour. The ‘We can’t’, ‘It’s unethical’ and ‘It’s complicated’. MC deserves an award for her patience😓

7. King Of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own

I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone

Ethan ‘I don’t believe in soulmates and nobody’s waiting at home’ Ramsey.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

This could be from both Ethan and MC’s perspectives. The love they share isn’t something that you get easily. It’s something that MC has waited for her whole life, and something Ethan never knew he needed, but now can’t live without🥺

Late in the night, the city's asleep

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Change my priorities

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

This was definitely Ethan throughout book 2, after he finally gave in. He let go of his previous rules and regulations, especially during the time of the attack. He was clearly affected, and once MC was alright, his main priority was her, and her alone.

Is the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Ethan’s been burnt a lot in the past. But all those wounds are now healing thanks to MC.

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

They act like lovesick teenagers around each other, like, that’s literally their description if you choose to kiss Ethan for the first time in Chapter 14 of book 2!😅

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough

We all know about his initial fear of his mother reaching out to him for the sake of his money. To him, MC not talking advantage of him is a pretty big deal, even though it’s never mentioned. You just know, you know?🥺

8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Again, Ethan doesn’t have the best experience with love. But MC changed that.

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

This could go both ways, cause they’re both piping hot messes😬 (but love each other anyway🥺)

The rest of this song could have made so much more sense for them if we had gotten some sort of a secret relationship storyline. But oh well, I’m definitely not complaining about the gala😌 (and definitely not believing any of the supposed cancelled storylines)

9. Dress

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

I mean... pretty obvious😌

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

This is practically Ethan’s train of thought, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for the rest of the steamier lyrics... I’ll um... let you guys listen to it yourselves😁

10. Call It What You Want

I wrote an entire fic inspired by this song, so excuse me for the shameless self-promo, but go give it a read?🥺👉👈(totally fine if you don’t! I’ve probably made so many posts about this song that y’all know the meaning anyway😅)

11. New Years Day

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

MC has always stayed by Ethan’s side, even when he’s pushed her away. These lines perfectly explain how she wants his worst times, and his best, the midnights they spend staying up together, and the moments where it’s just the two of them, when everyone else has left, like the aftermath of a New Years party (still mad at the fact that we didn’t get to see the gang celebrate New Year together😭)

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

The above explanation for these lines as well.

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Becoming strangers to each other would be their worst nightmares. Knowing that the other was out there in the world somewhere, but not being in their lives would kill them.

You and me forevermore

These two are each other’s soulmate, they know it, even if they haven’t said it yet. Forever wouldn’t be enough for them to shower each other with they love they hold for each other. But it’s a good start.

——————————

If you guys made it this far, then I honestly love you more than words can ever express🥺💙 Thanks for putting up with my Swiftie-Directioner-Ethan stan ass, cause I dunno if I’d ever be able to handle someone like myself. And if you read all the above stuff, then I hope you wanna know why this album means so much to me.

Reputation is perceived as a dark album, when in reality it’s truly about finding love amongst all the noise. This album, and Taylor and Joe’s story, taught me what true love actually is, and Ethan and MC cemented that. This album and these two couples (quite literally) saved my life.

The most beautiful part about both these relationships is that even though they never showed it openly, for the sake of their relationships, both Ethan(in the story) and Joe stood by the side of the one’s they loved, despite half of the people who they knew hating on them, or betraying them. And I think that’s what’s truly important. Forming a true relationship like that, be it platonic or romantic, is long lasting, and I hope everyone finds those kind of people to fill their hearts with. Sending much love, and sorry for being a huge sap😅💙

Tagging a couple of my Swiftie homies: @swiftlydarcy @nikki-2406 @dxnicaramsey @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @drariellevalentine @justanotherrookie