#I cannot draw them having normal interactions at all it has to be some dumb shit or I fail | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

orange-waterfalls · 4 years

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Vampire!Reader x Markiplier Egos

ty anon for the request

A/N: YES. IT'S BEEN A WHILE. HAPPY FUCKING HALLOWEEN. I absolutely remembered today is the 1 year anniversary of ahwm absolutely this is not a coincidence what are you talking about ahahahahha. I've been busy w/ school and drawing and general depression and anxiety with the current situation but I'm getting back into it! Vampire reader. That's pretty much it. Rated T, a bit of cursing, mentions of blood, mentions of fangs. A slightly suggestive phrase but that's just Illinois like there has to be at least one with him it's the law. ALSO. NEW RULE? IF I'M DOING LIKE HCS OR SMTHN I WILL DO 6 AT A TIME. I CANNOT BE WRITING 14 DIFFERENT EGOS AT ONCE I JUST CAN'T I'M SORRY. anyways enjoy!

Vampire!Reader x Egos Headcanons

General

Not much PDA

Not much going out in general

You have to cover your whole body when you do, unless it’s nighttime

You spend much of your time inside or in the forest

You’re basically nocturnal

You do drink blood, and you don’t need a lot of it

You drink human blood only if they give permission

You don’t kill people

You know or know of some other supernatural creatures that exist

You are friends with a werewolf. One specifically. You know the one.

Darkiplier

You both are edgy as all hell it’s perfect!

Politely asks you not to bite him

a) because he’s not human and b) because it’ll hurt

You both are very calm and well-spoken. So. not much happens.

However, you are both, in fact, dumb bitches, so things are still entertaining

“My darling, would you like some garli-mmm nevermind...”

You go out with him sometimes on romantic moonlit walks

You don’t have to wear as much then

You make him get a pet, a black cat specifically

He loves it

You named it Darko, Dark for short, and he hates the name

Like he hates the name a lot

It is irrational how much he hates the fucking name

He calls it DA

He never explains why

When you want blood he’ll trap a deer or something

You go into the forest and drink a little of its blood

He’s surprised

“What am I, a werewolf?”

He’ll ask you about supernatural creatures, and how to defend against them

You’re pretty sure he’s an eldritch entity so you aren’t sure why he’s asking YOU

He won’t ask how you became a vampire, that seems personal

He never gets startled when you turn into a bat

He can hear your lil wingbeats from a mile away

Sometimes you’ll sleep as a bat and he just smiles at you hanging from the fan

Fine with you not interacting with others, like he does much of that…

Just likes hanging out in your fucking giant victorian mansion with you

Wilford

We all know that his type is, in fact, edgy bitch

Therefore, you are perfect

Dark clothes? Check

Edgy backstory? Probably

Kinda scary? Oh absolutely

And he loves you for that!

He doesn’t want to be a vampire, but he fuckin loves your teeth

He’ll ask you to bare them and then he’ll do a happy wiggle afterwards

He loves dancing with you, slow or fast

It’s always romantic

He’s basically a god so like. Anything you ask for he’s gotchu

You said you were hungry and he fucking kidnapped someone

You said you were hungry, that was on you

You then explain that you don’t need a whole FUCKING PERSON

He then steals some blood bags from the hospital

“Oh, calm down! They have enough!”

Likes taking you out, so you go on night walks a lot.

You’re not used to social interaction, so he makes sure to steer you away from people

Unless you want to talk to them, then he starts up a conversation and lets you take over

You don’t understand people, and neither does he! It’s great.

Likes when you turn into a bat

He doesn’t know why, it just makes him happy

You made him adopt a black cat

He named it Colonel Whiskers

Loves you and your castle and your weird ass little quirks

Actor

Bite him.

BITE. HIM.

LET HIM BE IMMORTAL

You refuse for the sole reason that he is a dick.

You do get along because you both are, in fact, pretentious

You wear those silk robes around the house, and he gets mad at you

HE is the sexy mysterious one, COME ON!

At least you won’t have an edgier backstory than him…

Likes slow dancing with you

Very much enjoys your Aesthetic

Believes that he too belongs in a Victorian era castle isolated from the world

Loves the dark romance

Is a Fancy Boy

Was fully prepared to murder someone for you to drink their blood

Surprised when you said it wasn’t necessary???

Buys a horse or smthn

Asks about supernatural beings and which are immortal

He asks that a lot

He worries you sometimes.

Hates it when you turn into a bat

You’re small and you fly around and you’re fucking GROSS

He doesn’t. He doesn’t like animals very much. Besides dogs I mean.

Buys you clothes because you’ve been wearing the same shit for fucking EVER

Don’t worry, they’re all black, dark purple, or dark red

Sometimes you decide to go on a walk and he tags along

Possessive bitch

Thinks you’ll leave him if you talk to other people

He scares them or leads you away

Was fine with a black wolfdog you brought home after searching for food

Names it Phoenix, and you call it Nix for short

Is deeply in love with you, but will never say or show it

Yancy

He thinks you’re wonderful!

Originally a bit mean to you

He thought YOU thought you were better than him

He saw the fangs and backed off

He asked about them and you answered, so you got along

Asked if he could be a vampire

You asked if he wanted to be immortal. He declined.

Suggested you drink his blood when you were hungry

You said it wasn’t necessary, but he pushed

Stared at you the whole time

“what’s your issue” “this is very… intimate.”

On that note: has an issue with intimacy

You’re very cold naturally, so you’d want to cuddle

He awkwardly shifts away

Once he gets more comfortable, he might cuddle with you

Loves the silk robes you own, they’re so fucking COMFY

AND THE SILK SHEETS?? Heaven

Absolutely loves all the fancy shit you have

You teach him how to waltz and he teaches you how to tap dance

You have a very equal give and take relationship with everything, it’s great

Neither of you like social interaction

You will if you HAVE to but mostly keep to yourselves

You love Yancy's prison buddies

They love you too

Asked if you knew mothman

You couldn’t tell if he was joking

He absolutely Was Not joking

He sings to you sometimes

It echoes through the place and the Aesthetic man

Hates it when you turn into a bat

Bad. No. Stop. Scary.

A small animal flying at him is a no go

Alternatively: get him a pet dog and he will love you forever

He names it Elvis. Yeah you know why.

Overall loves you and your aesthetic, and you could tell even before you got together

Illinois

Excited but doesn't show it

He's met PLENTY of supernatural creatures

Ghosts, gods, there was a thing with that werewolf one time…

(He has the scars to prove it)

But a vampire? That's new

He doesn’t live at your place because he travels a lot

He still stays there sometimes between adventures

Uncomfortable with how clean it is

You are. An immortal being. And you take the time to clean. What the fuck.

“Would YOU wanna spend eternity in a dusty ass mansion?”

His flirts are often about your fangs

You threatened to bite him and he said “promise?”

Said you could drink his blood, but you said no

“I don’t know what the fuck you got in that bloodstream”

Doesn’t do walks but takes you on adventures

If it’s a cave. And you turn into a bat.

ONLY if you turn into a bat

Sidenote: he fucking adores when you turn into a bat

He just thinks they’re neat

Uncomfortable with how soft everything you own is

NOTHING is soft in nature

Except. Like a lot of things. But don’t tell him he’ll get mad

Doesn’t really want a pet bc he’ll never be home to deal with it

He’ll be fine if you get one though

He wants to name it Nathan Drake he doesn’t care what it is

NERD(see: Uncharted)

Will never EVER wear a fucking suit

He will DIE before he wears a suit fuck you

Dislikes anything remotely fancy

Talks about the creatures he’s met

you get Bard Vibes if ya know what i mean wink wink nudge nudge he's a whore is what I'm saying here

You hang out normally mostly

He refuses to acknowledge his feelings for you

Not after the mermaid incident.

He eventually will, i promise

Magnum

He’s a pirate, he doesn’t care

He’s seen sirens, ancient spirits, probably Davey Jones at some point

A vampire? Low on the list of dangerous creatures

He has a whole ship made outta wood he’s not that worried

You don't really sail with him often

When you do, you're seen as a threat to anyone and everyone

He loves that about you

Warned you not to bite him or he'd stake you

You promised not to and that was enough for him

You get along with the crew fairly well

However do NOT turn into a bat around them

They will not hesitate to shoot

"UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT, MAN YOUR BATTLESTATIONS!

You can maybe do it around Magnum and only Magnum

Doesn't like your house

He belongs to the sea

But can and will steal your sheets for himself

A pirate can have a little silk, as a treat

Offered his crew's blood to drink after a while

You declined because you don't know what the fuck kinda diseases they have

Doesn't really want a pet. He can't tell them what to do.

You bought an axolotl and he loves it a lot

Its name is Delta but he has deemed it Magnum Jr

Can't really. Fit. In any suits you have

He has to go out and get one personally tailored if he wants it

Likes dancing with you

Slow dancing. To Danny Boy.

He can't dance but that's ok he tries

You talk about land creatures and he talks about ocean creatures

So far he despises werewolves and skinwalkers

He likes spending as much time with you possible

He doesn't much like the idea of a relationship bc of his uh line of work

But he loves you

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tanoraqui · 3 years

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AU where I gently tweak character ages to my whim so that when Jame is outcast, the next time Tori sleeps and reaches out for her reflexively in his dreams...he can’t find her of course. She’s lost in the dark somewhere. But he wanders the edges of that darkness searching, crying as he can’t let himself be seen to do while awake…and he stumbles into Kindrie’s garden

Tori is seven years old and dreaming. He wanders around, admiring the many pale-flowered plants, before he notices that one of them isn't a flower at all, but a white-haired, blue-eyed toddler sitting quietly in the corner.

(I don’t think it’s at all normal to slide from dream to soulspace at the age of 4, but this is Kindrie, who is just a little bit of a prodigy - and, of course, Tori, likewise.)

Tori nearly backs away in disgust, filthy shanir ringing in his ears in his father's voice (and this isn’t even the shanir he wants to see, wants with every lonely, not-quite-guilty-yet fiber of his being.) But the toddler’s eyes well up with tears at his disgust and Tori has never interacted with a baby before but he’s always been responsible. So he wipes the sneer from his young face and tentatively sits beside the boy, and asks what's your name, is this your garden, are there any adults here? (Kindrie, yes, a shy look toward the faint impression of a woman's face in a mossy wall.) Are you lonely, too? ...Do you want to play?

Tori wakes up before he gets much farther than explaining the strategies of tic-tac-toe. He doesn't go back the next night, because he wakes up inexplicably exhausted, like he hasn’t slept at all. He dismisses it as a half-forgotten dream.

But soon enough there’s another night - when Ganth raged at dinner, when the other half of the bed felt especially cold and empty - when he goes looking for the peaceful little garden again, and finds it after only a little bewildering wandering. Kindrie is there, and lights up to see him.

Maybe they just play tag, and water the plants - or water plants and end up splashing water at each other, Tori drawing Kindrie into not flinching at the sudden movements… Or maybe Tori asks, “Do you know how to play marbles?” and Kindrie says yes but points out that that there aren’t any marbles here, and Tori, with all the confidence of a young lord, says, “Well that’s dumb,” and conjures some marbles to play with. Because it’s a dream, and you can do that in a dream! (It’s a soul and most people can not do that in a soul, but the children who will one day be Creation and Preservation don’t know that.)

And then! They just! Hang out! No less often than once every few weeks, and sometimes every night for nearly a month. When they're young, it's more effort; it takes Tori days to regain his strength each time. When they're older, they both have more nights too busy or anxious to sleep, or too hurt and weary to choose anything but dreamless dwar.

By day, Tori keeps swallowing down his father's poison, but by night - obviously he, Tori, isn't a shanir. Obviously. it's Kindrie's dream garden. But Kindrie is - well, he's just a little kid (Tori thinks from the ripe age of 3 years older). He doesn't have claws or anything; he's not dangerous like Jame was. And by mutual unspoken agreement, neither of them talks in detail about their waking lives, but if Tori were to mention his father's view on shanir - well, Kindrie has been drinking his own poison since birth. Bastard, worthless shanir brat, and all the curses of the priests and their benefactress... He wouldn't argue, I think, with anything Tori said.

(As for that benefactress..she nearly catches them once, for sure. She's surprised to see another dreamwalker, but her reflexes are good: she flings a curse at Tori that would hit most souls like a well-aimed arrow, or at least like a discreet tracker tag. It bounces off his back as he dashes away; he barely notices. Kindrie is terrified. A door has developed over the years, from frequent use, between here and Tori's Haunted Lands keep. It's always been concealed behind a curtain of vines, but after that incident with Lady Randir, he hides it so thoroughly that Tori has difficulty finding it from the other side, next time he visits.)

The first time Kindrie follows Tori back through that door is when Tori, age 12, has broken his arm falling out of a tree, and been put sternly to bed but left too restless for proper dwar. Kindrie has learned enough in his classes for young could-be-priests to realize that this isn't a dream, but (guiltily) he hasn't told Tori, because Tori - best and only friend, and something like an older brother - will freak out about shanir things, and possibly never come back. This is the worst possible outcome.

But right now, even dreaming, Tori is cradling his arm with remembered pain, and Kindrie knows that when he grows up (if he grows up), he's going to be a healer (he has already been made so exquisitely aware that his talents lie in healing, himself if no one else). So he convinces Tori to take him back through the door to explore Tori's dreadful keep, and together they gather the ladder and hammers and etc. required to repair the few fallen beams.

(Ganth roars when Tori wakes up with an arm far more healed than one night of dwar sleep should have healed. Filthy shanir, monster! But he calms without delivering more than a few extra slaps. Tori dances desperately around the truth, because his dreams with Kindrie - best and only friend, something like a younger brother - are something they've never needed to swear to keep secret. The kendar who'd examined the break in the first place says, "Lord, my eyes are growing old, and Torisen is young and strong - maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. A fracture, not a break. And he slept well.")

(Not a lie, just barely not a lie.)

(But these are kendar who would, in a couple years, every single one of them swear to take any dishonor onto their own accounts so that their young lordan could escape this place. It's not the first not-a-lie, and it won't be the last.)

"How can I?" Tori asks, agonized, surrounded by gentle white flowers, in one of the rare times they speak explicitly about the things they endure by day. Though Tori still doesn't give his full name, nor his father's, and Kindrie's given little more detail of his location than that he's studying to be a priest. He's never named the woman against whom he sometimes locks his doors so tightly that even Tori can't get in.

"One of us should escape," says Kindrie, who's 3 years younger but plenty old enough to be bitter.

(A few days after that, waking, Ganth demands that Tori drink a cup of wine with a drop of blood in it, "To my health", and something dark and rotten will take root in Tori's soul-keep. But it's so small, and hidden for now, not to mention ineffective, that Tori doesn't notice - and Kindrie hasn't come over to help clean up since the near-disaster of that broken arm.)

Less than a year after that, Kindrie is having a particularly bad day, the sort where even in his garden, he's doing little more than curl up in a silent ball. Tori sits nearby, sketching a map of the Southern Host's camp, so as to remember his new environs better. Unprompted, he says, "You know, I don't actually mind people thinking I'm a bastard."

"That's because you're not," Kindrie says, quietly into his knees, but just a little waspish.

"Maybe," Tori concedes. "But also it's..." He waves his hand at undefinable concepts, because he'll never be good at introspection. "Everyone assumes things, about me, about Lord Ardeth - assumes the worst, assumes the least of me. But it's not right at all, it's just because they hear the word bastard and think those things - so who's to say they're right about any other bastard?"

Another day, Tori is restless, pacing, and wearing armor even here, and won't say why. He doesn't need to - he's been keeping Kindrie abreast of the events with the god-kings, Karnids, and brewing war (though not every detail - not how the high priest spoke to him). If only as a listening ear at which to talk it all through, figure it all out.

He still doesn't, truly, overall mind people assuming he's Ardeth's bastard. But he hates the stupid games around that and being a Knorth at the same time, the spying and the constant not-quite-lying - and tomorrow, they reach Ukakarn, with enemies unknown.

"Kindrie," he says abruptly, can you keep a secret on his tongue - but that's a stupid question because all of this is secret, and always has been. "Would you mind knowing my name?"

"Tori?" Kindrie says, answer and question, blinking as his attention is pulled away from the flowers he's been meticulously winding around a trellis.

"Torisen," Tori says, with that same abruptness. "Torisen Knorth, son of Ganth Grey Lord." And because he cannot bear to unburden himself without offering something - "Lord Ardeth knows - that's why he's been mentoring me, and spying on me, this whole time. But I think he did mean it, when he said he wants to help me regain my father's seat - that's why I mean it, when I say I'm quite sure he'd help me get you out of this place" (the priests' college) "if you want. He could send for a new healer to attempt Dari's rotten teeth..."

He trails off in the fact of Kindrie's odd response: avoiding Tori's eyes, a small smile that he's failing to suppress.

"What?" Tori says, maybe more sharply than he should.

"It's just...my grandmother was a Knorth. I heard someone say it, once, when they thought I wasn't listening." Kindrie's mouth keeps trying to smile, but his glance is anxious, because the last thing he wants is to sound like he's angling for something. Like he's bringing this up - or worse, making it up - because he, like Lord Ardeth, wants some in on the hypothetical future highlord. He's known this for years after all; he never mentioned it before because it was a treasure for just himself. By old, unspoken agreement, there's a lot they don't share about their waking lives.

But Tori lights up. "Really? Do you know who?"

"Her name was Telarien, I think."

Tori, who has studied his so-empty family tree, who has been alone since he was 7 - stops his pacing and turns with hands outstretched. "Why, then we're cousins!"

(Tori has offered this more than once, and each time Kindrie has declined - no politically machinated release nor clever trick, nor even (once, when Tori was in a particular Mood, and maybe thinking of his sister) some sort of rescue heist. Because the priests' college is terrible, but it's familiarly terrible, and who knows what greater disdain and torment might be out in the rest of the world?)

And then came Ukakarn.

Tori doesn't show up cradling his hands, or the blood on them, and weeping, the next night, his dire keep under siege next door. He doesn't flicker briefly in and out, as his torturer disallow him true rest. He doesn't come to Kindrie's garden at all, because he has been taken into the bowels of Ukakarn, which lie in the same shadow that consumes the land north of the Haunted Lands - the same shadow, unbeknownst to any of them, that swallowed his sister.

But he's not dead. Kindrie can tell, can feel, that he's not dead. And Kindrie is a healer (in training) and this is his best friend and cousin and rightful lord (however illegitimate the blood claim may be, for the latter two). So he doesn't hesitate a moment before plunging into the darkness that has swallowed the place where Tori's soul usually looms.

It's a little bit like swimming, through shadows thick enough to choke on. It's a bit like finding the will to get up in the morning, struggle that that often is. But Kindrie, though only age 13 or so, has a great deal more expertise than Tori, age 7 did, and more natural talent as well. Off in the physical world, the priests deem him truly comatose this time, but he breaks through to Tori's haunted soulscape - running with cracks of fire, as though about to explode. Overlapping with a grander house, a manse whose dark hallways Kindrie doesn't know. He wanders, searching desperately, pressing against not shadows but the end of his own tether.

He only finds Tori when he catches a glimpse of a slim, ghostly figure he thinks is him - but her armor is white and her hair is long, and when Kindrie follows her, they end up in a cell that's dank yet too-warm, with Tori crumpled and chained to one wall. Kindrie watches the woman break those chains - then she looks over her shoulder and meets Kindrie's eyes, hers bright silver, and he knows this must be the sister Tori has let slip mention of - older, somehow, tender and wroth at once.

The surprise breaks his focus, sends him careening back into the shadows, and to the safety of his own hidden garden.

Kindrie is a bastard, except that he has a cousin. He's a rotten little shanir - yes, the best healer in his generation, even if he has no other prizes to his name. He's worthless and useless and unwanted - except that he has a friend whom sometimes he can still make smile, who has never been just a dream, who leaves the flowers of Kindrie's soul-garden blooming a little brighter every time he helps tend them, and who has scattered the place with marbles and books and even a sword. Kindrie has cleared away some of these, and kept others, hidden as carefully as the door behind the vines, and never once mentioned to Tori that this is a weird thing to be able to do. Also, illegitimate though he may (seem to) be, Kindrie is a Knorth and Tori - well, he was scared to leave, and he did it anyway.

So, in the fashion of Knorths, Kindrie stages his escape from the priests' college that night, about seven years earlier than canon, and he makes his way as fast as possible to camp of the Southern Host.

Nothing else changes about Ukakarn, except this: Rose Iron-thorn doesn't die, because Tori's hands aren't too badly injured to keep their grip on her, because Kindrie walks, clumsily rides, and pleads his way onto illicit trade caravans going down the valley, he spends as much time as he can in Tori's keep - no longer lost in shadow, but still cracked with flames, eroding with exhaustion, dust-drenched for lack of water. Tori is no help - if he notices at all, in more than a daze - but patients rarely are.

(Rose isn't in the water to guide their boat through the sea, but Kindrie, for lack of any proper sleep himself, keeps Tori going, and Tori keeps his few people, and all together, they find the safe shore.)

Tori has told him about the Caineron commander of the host, so Kindrie goes directly to the god-king of Krothifir. Quite frankly, tfw a moderately unhinged 13-year-old kencyr with a shaved head (for not being tracked by description) bursts into your royal court and starts insisting that a precious few of your army have survived the dread fortress that captured them, and are even now in desperate need of a rescue party in the near desert. Please believe me, Kindrie begs, I know it from a dream (a perfectly normal, if rare shanir trait - though it is on the tip of his tongue to shout at the kendar guards in the hall that this is their future highlord dying in the desert out there, and why aren't they moving already.

Kroaky lets Kindrie convince him to make a royal visit to the optomancers' Eye, and they are of course just in time to watch Tori's little group straggle back into camp. Exhausted though he is, Kindrie dashes off right then, maybe with a tipsy wolver at his heels. Krothen, alas, takes longer to get down the cliff - a king needs pomp and circumstance, after all. Gendar Caineron is dead before either arrives.

Once Harn is back on his feet and in command, he quietly adds Kindrie to the lacking ranks of a medic squad. Within a month, Kindrie has picked up the nickname "Whitey", for his growing-back hair and, of course, mirror to Blackie. (I'm sure the boys try to keep it subtle, and let the story be that Kindrie just happened to have a vision of these escapees...but it's not like an ever-growing proportion of the host isn't already politely not commenting on the fact that their Blackie is clearly a full-blooded Knorth.)

...and then they lived happily ever after, the end

(except Tori still won't admit to himself that he's a shanir until after Jame has metaphorically kicked in the door of the Kencyrath and less metaphorically set multiple parts of it on fire)

#kencyrath #kencyrath chronicles #kindrie soulwalker #torisen black lord #torisen knorth #my fic #ficlet #...a nearly 3k ficlet shut up

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i-dont-want-your-hysteria · 4 years

Text

a message.

This whole post is full of things I’ve wanted to say for a very long time. So yes, this is going to be very long.

Before I begin, I just wanted to say I’m sorry to the innocent people who had nothing to do with this. I’ve never ever been involved with online/fandom drama before, I hate being in this position so fucking much with all my heart and soul, and I never thought in my whole life that I’d be in this position, either.

Secondly, this is about the DEF LEPPARD FANDOM ON TUMBLR. If you’re not part of this fandom, kindly fuck off :^) This is not about you.

This post explains why I feel this way. And to those innocent people who aren’t involved with this, I’m sincerely sorry if any of this has changed your opinions of me.

I’m in a mood and a half, so I’ll do my best to effectively tell everything from my perspective. Read if you want, but this is just what I’m thinking.

I’ve been running this blog for almost three years now. When I first joined this fandom on tumblr at the beginning of 2018, there wasn’t really a ‘fandom’ per se; all the main blogs were dead, no one ever really posted, and there wasn’t much content. I decided to start a DL blog of my own to vent my love into it and not spam my main account.

Within a month, I could quickly see that some sort of renaissance was happening in this fandom; more blogs were popping up, more people were posting, and more people were just participating in general. There were memes now, there were conversations now- it was great! There was a real community; it was all about sharing information, spewing our love, getting creative, and interacting!

There was integrity, and there was respect for the band as well as one another.

I, as part of this community, wanted to do everything in my physical power to contribute in any way I could. I was insanely active and hyper-productive and could not be stopped. I still haven’t stopped, but I certainly have slowed down significantly (due to lack of new activity from the band and increased mental health issues I won’t get into). I don’t want to be self-centered and say that I was “running” this branch of the fandom for the past 2.7 years, but I was certainly a big player in it, and I feel everyone agreed (and some still agree) with that as well.

There were some times where disagreements happened. There were times where many of us knew that someone else was crossing a line in a post. We knew what qualified as “not okay” in terms of being perverted and such. We’d solve this by not blaming, not hounding, not sending anon hate, not calling out, but by presenting facts, talking maturely, and trying to right the wrongs as maturely as we could.

Yes, it was possible. Was.

I don’t think you guys realize just how much content I’ve contributed to this fandom. I have spent basically every single day of the past 3-ish years trying to spread information/content/photos/videos/links/etc. to everyone who follows me (and everyone who doesn’t). This fandom was (and I cannot stress this enough), literally my entire life for the past 3 odd years, and I really wanted to spend the rest of my life contributing to it the way I’ve been.

I don't think anyone on here realizes everything that I have done for this community. Because of me:

this fandom has access to Animal Instinct for free

this fandom has access to the rare picture disc interview

this fandom has numerous scans of photos that may have not ended up online otherwise (I also paid $70 to have access to some of these. You're welcome.)

we have Fabulist Icons content

we have a decent amount of fanfiction that doesn't only focus on the boys banging each other/sex in general (seriously, this simply didn’t exist on here before I started posting my shit)

we have a little more fan art

we have content from Phil's and Ross's books

we have hundreds (yes, literally, HUNDREDS) of edits/moodboards/memes/etc. that I made myself

we have gifsets of things that no one else would have made

we have achieved justice a lot of the time when content was stolen because I have defended everyone without question/rallied up armies the second I heard it happened

some of you have gotten updates on news/facts/history/details/etc. that you’ve never even heard of

probably a shit ton more things, but that’s all I can think of for now. You get the point.

But that’s only half the story. This band and fandom has given me so much to cherish over the past few years.

Because of this fandom and the people (that were once) in it, I have:

met Rick in person

met, quite honestly, my two best friends ever, @ballistic-lipstick-dream-machine (my true Terror Twin) and @paper-sxn (adopted little sister/cousin)

became in contact with Phil's guitar tech from the mid-80s (Mike)

gained creative ambition to play guitar, create art, write stories, make edits/gifs, travel, and basically just better myself

began a record collection that is now in the hundreds and gained a lot of knowledge from it

discovered a whole new genre of music

found a community/culture where, for the very very first time in my life, I felt like I BELONGED.

fallen in love with something and someone for the first time

felt like I actually mattered to people, like I was actually important (because people would always come to me for information or help if they needed it)

basically impacted every corner of my life

just about a million other things, too, but I will be here all night if I try to list them all.

To put it delicately: Def Leppard and this fandom on tumblr absolutely changed my life, and was the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.

I have spread so much information around, you newer people wouldn't imagine. I have gathered and seen so much information, you wouldn't believe how much I know and how much I've learned. I have bounced back and forth between formats time after time again that I feel like I’m stuck in a time warp. I have edited so many things on non-professional programs that I am an MS paint expert. I have been here so long, that I’ve seen 98% of the people in this branch of the fandom rotate in and out at least two or three times.

That being said, all of the toxic people in this fandom will most likely be gone within the next 6 months.

Def Leppard has taught me so much, but a big thing was love and loyalty. It's clear that the majority of people in this fandom (read my lips- I am N O T saying anyone’s names. I mean that.) do not know the meanings of either of these words. I've been practically running this fandom on Tumblr for nearly three years now, you’ve seen all that I’ve done for you, and what have I gotten in return?

Slander, cyberbullying, disrespect, consistently stolen content, etc. That’s what I’ve gotten. I’ve never attacked anyone on here, and that is still something I won’t do.

Yes, I am against slash fic, and I can’t believe that THAT’S the only reason why I’m being torn down like this. Something so dumb and immature as that has torn my beloved community in half. I have never attacked ANYONE for writing slash fic, yet I’ve been getting attacked since August (it is November now) for simply believing it is wrong to openly admit you want the boys to fuck each other.

(I’d also like to point out that someone from the KISS fandom ((god knows why)) had the balls to call me “homophobic” for hating slashfic. I can’t even begin to explain how much I laughed at that.)

I just wanna say that these are REAL people you’re writing about, you know. Don’t you think THEY would be against it? I know I cannot stop anyone from writing slash (I’ve said that before, but no one seems to remember it). I don’t think any of you realize that there is a certain line you shouldn’t cross when it comes to the internet, and being perverted in such an explicit and disrespectful way is one of them. We always had integrity in this fandom, and slash was never part of something we stood for. We knew when to stop, and we kept the slash on rockfic.com (where it belongs imo. That’s like their element).

I was very confused when more slash fics started appearing on tumblr this year. Now, it seems like that’s all there is, and I’m disgusted.

Whenever something close to that happened in 2018, everyone would be totally against it, and we’d talk it out and explain. While we all had our fair share of horny (and maybe then some) in this fandom, but we always knew where to draw the line. That was the line. That line doesn’t exist anymore, apparently, and nobody knows how to be mature and respectful to the band, to each other, and just for fuck’s sake. Now, I’m being slammed that being perverted for them fucking their best friends is “just fandom, bitch” and “the norm” and that it’s done “out of respect”, which I will never understand. You can’t use “slash” and “respectful” in the same sentence, and you can’t change my mind, but I know I can’t change yours, either.

Slash is not, nor will it ever be, respectful. This fandom has become toxic.

Fanfiction is an outlet for creativity to be used for fun, not to be used as an excuse to project your sexually perverted sexuality headcannons/fetishes onto innocent, REAL, LIVE people. If all you write/read is them having sex with each other, then it really makes you wonder if it’s about “respect” anymore, doesn’t it?

In my opinion it’s fucked up that it’s “normal” and “just part of fandom” to create sexualities for- again- REAL, LIVE PEOPLE, and it’s everyone’s first instinct to argue that it’s fine, apparently? If you “respect” your idols so much like you claim you do, then why don’t you maybe respect their actual orientations instead of creating masturbation material for random 12 year olds and boomers, perhaps?

I don’t know what I did that was so fucking wrong in your eyes, as I’ve always tried to keep integrity in this area of tumblr.

I'm very deeply hurt, more than I've ever been by this. It physically hurts me to admit that this fandom has become as toxic as it currently is. I don’t feel welcome here anymore at all, despite practically running things on here for so long.

I don’t know how I could ever live without this fandom, but now it looks like I’m going to have to try, or at least try and rebuild it on my own (again). I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop posting about Def Leppard, and after all, I only started posting about them for myself to begin with.

We were supposed to be the good fandom, the happy fandom, the fandom with no drama. I am ashamed to be associated with you now. I tried to stop it as best as I could, and hoped people would back me up, but I’ve received nothing but hate for simply trying to preserve some dignity.

You guys have been immature to say the least, and I find it very hard to believe that some of you are legal adults (but let’s be honest; most of you toxic people are probably too young to even be behind a computer, anyway).

I’ve had to block some people that I really didn’t want to, but the deed is done. Keep your slash to yourself, tag it, do a read more, post it somewhere else, even- that’s how you co-exist. Just don’t come after me because I think it’s wrong. I never came after anyone specifically like that.

This isn’t goodbye, but I certainly am leaving for a while. I hope I got my point, my history, and my perspective across.

And I hope you’re fucking happy, because you’ve destroyed something I loved.

-Rachel

#also to helena_s_renn on rockfic: suck my dick bitch :3 #thank you to those who have messaged me and been kind #time to watch my follower count dwindle at the speed of sound #goodbye

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beca-mitchell · 4 years

Text

a twist, a tale, a rip through my sail (1/1)

Summary: Beca goes to visit Chloe in Atlanta.

Word Count: 2,266

Part of now i see daylight—an au series that was created alongside @asimplefavors and explores beca and chloe’s lives together as if they had been childhood friends.

Warnings for references to sex. And angst, unfortunately.

Read below or on AO3.

Age: 19 Atlanta, GA August

* * * * *

“Hey Bec, I think I must have just missed you...call me back when you can.”

“Hi Beca, I just wanted to call to say that I missed you. And I love you. Hope we can talk soon.”

“You just got back on the plane, but I miss you already, Chloe.”

“Bec, I don’t think I can swing coming to L.A. this weekend...it’s a lot of money. Call me back?”

“I’m trying not to be jealous of dumb tabloid stuff, I really am, but...just call me back, Beca.”

“Chlo, I know you said you were busy with school, but please let me know if you can give this song a listen. I think you’ll really like it. Love you.”

“I had a dream about you. Felt like you were right there. I miss you so much.”

* * * * *

What do endings feel like?

Beca feels it in the air between them the moment she comes face to face with Chloe at the airport. All the usual happiness upon seeing her girlfriend is still there, but God, it’s all the other things she feels—the intense foreboding, the anxiety, the dread—that make her slow her steps as she nears Chloe who is leaning against a pole, evidently watching something on her phone.

She had felt it while she had been on the plane, but now, standing on the ground next to her girlfriend of three and a half years, she knows it is real.

“Hi,” Beca greets quietly, smiling nonetheless when she sees Chloe’s eyes lift and brighten upon catching sight of her.

Chloe immediately wraps her in a hug, nothing new. Beca squeezes back, sighing happily at the warmth Chloe brings to her immediately. She feels Chloe tighten her hold similarly.

Everything is so familiar.

Chloe pulls back. “Hi,” she greets back, finally. She cups Beca’s cheek, leaning in to kiss her gently. “I missed you.”

Beca smiles despite the sensation in her stomach. “I missed you too,” she mumbles, eagerly leaning up to ignite another kiss.

Everything is fine.

* * * * *

It had started with a few missed dates. Many missed dates. Angry voice mails.

Beca recalls each one now that she sits next to Chloe in the passenger seat of her car—a familiar car with many memories—and with each memory, anxiety gnaws at the back of her mind.

She resists the urge to reach across the console to place her hand on Chloe’s thigh even though she longs desperately for that closeness.

Chloe doesn’t look at her once the whole drive home.

* * * * *

It feels so routine—everything is routine, right down to Beca dropping her bag just inside the door to Chloe’s room, kicking the door closed with her heel, and immediately being pulled into Chloe’s arms for a deep, messy kiss. The kind of kiss that still makes Beca’s stomach twist in anticipation even after so many similar kisses.

Sex is routine now, especially with how little they see each other. Beca barely gets her shirt off before Chloe is pulling her jeans down, pulling her underwear down and licking through her folds like no tomorrow. It makes Beca gasp and moan and make every sound imaginable. That is a skill only Chloe possesses, the skill to be able to draw those sounds out of Beca like art.

Beca grasps Chloe’s hair forcefully, keeping her girlfriend’s face between her legs as she rides out her orgasm, grunting as she does so. Vaguely she realizes that Chloe’s clothes are still on, even as Chloe carries her to the bed and spreads her legs once more, her fingers doing the work this time.

“I missed you so much,” Chloe rasps into Beca’s ear. Beca’s hands grab at the fabric of Chloe’s shirt. “I missed you,” Chloe repeats, breath hot against Beca’s ear.

Eyes falling shut at the sensation of Chloe’s lips trailing along her ear and her fingers curling into her aching cunt, Beca tells herself that it means I love you. Beca tries to tell herself that all of this means I love you. I want to be with you. I love you.

I love you.

“I missed you too,” she mumbles, eyes slipping shut at the sensation of Chloe adding another finger.

She feels full.

Almost complete.

* * * * *

Chloe’s arm curls over her waist in the middle of the night. They sleep, pressed closely together. Like two peas in a pod, Chloe used to joke.

Beca breathes in deeply, holding Chloe’s arm against her in fear that she might let go. She wonders if Chloe has already let go, somehow. In the same ways Beca feels herself floundering.

But being in Chloe’s arms feels so right—feels like everything that Beca has ever been missing is right…there.

She presses Chloe’s arm tighter against herself, maneuvering it so she can clutch Chloe’s hand close to her chest.

Chloe mumbles in her sleep and presses closer, bare skin sticking to Beca’s. It is not uncomfortable. Rather, it is quite the opposite. It makes her feel whole, like a reminder that Chloe is there—that Chloe has always been there.

Emotion swells in Beca’s chest as her mind betrays her once more, playing back every last argument and fight they’ve had over the past little while.

To Beca, it had seemed like they recovered each time, but the scars would always remain.

Don’t let go, Beca thinks. Please.

To her credit, Chloe doesn’t. Not immediately, at least. She holds Beca close like she always has, lips pressed loosely against Beca’s shoulder, her neck. Breath hot against her neck. Even in sleep, Chloe had always managed to make Beca feel whole.

Don’t let go, she thinks again. Nearly begging.

Chloe does eventually. She lets go, early in the morning as Beca blinks awake, wondering if she got any sleep at all. She yawns, stretches, turning onto her back.

Beca immediately follows, rolling over to face Chloe to surprise her with a morning kiss.

Silently, Chloe responds, pulling Beca closer in the warmth of her dorm-sanctioned bed. Chloe’s lips part. Hot, wanting breath against Beca’s mouth.

She could say it, Beca thinks. Either of them could.

It just feels so much easier to pull Chloe on top of her. It just feels easier to have Chloe want her like this.

Simple.

* * * * *

It feels like a normal weekend. In fact, it should be a normal weekend. Beca is free from the confines of Los Angeles and happy to face relative anonymity in the sprawling spaces of Atlanta and Barden University. But the heavy weight of the turmoil clouding their relationship becomes near unbearable to Beca even as she nestles comfortably into Chloe’s side.

Chloe says nothing—it occurs to Beca that Chloe has said very little all weekend—and simply wraps her arm around Beca, like it is so natural.

Like it’s a habit.

“Are we okay?” Beca finally asks when her heart and mind can no longer take it. It is late on Saturday night and she is pressed closely to Chloe while they quietly watch a random Netflix show.

Watch is a loose term. Beca feels like she has been gazing despondently at the screen for the better part of the hour and based on the stiffness of Chloe’s arm around her, she figures Chloe is more or less the same.

She regrets asking immediately. She almost wishes she had kept her mouth shut just to pretend a few moments longer. She could just take it back, she could just let it all go. Just clamp her mouth shut and forget it all. But the regret is so heavy because now she knows. It is so different from mere belief or mere speculation. Knowledge, ever powerful, is her undoing.

She regrets it because Chloe hesitates. Chloe has never hesitated or been less than forthcoming in her responses to Beca. Beca cannot recall a time when Chloe’s blunt honesty hadn’t played a role in some part of their interactions with each other.

But now, Chloe hesitates and her body seems to stiffen even more. There is pain in that hesitation, enough pain for the both of them.

That hesitation is enough. It is enough to make the anvil finally sink in Beca’s stomach.

And finally, because Chloe has always been honest with her no matter the circumstance, she opens her mouth and breathes out the simple syllables of Beca’s name. Like it might be the last time ever.

This is the end. This is what it feels like.

* * * * *

The end goes something like this:

“Stop,” Beca says immediately, regretting everything from the beginning to the end. “Wait, I didn’t—”

“Beca,” Chloe repeats, sounding even more pained than before. “This isn’t working, you know it isn’t.”

“It is,” Beca insists. She refuses to cry. “I’m just tired, I just—I didn’t mean it—”

“Beca, stop,” Chloe murmurs.

“You stop,” Beca mumbles back, losing some of the fight in her when Chloe reaches for her hands. She marvels at how soft and warm Chloe’s hands are, wondering when the last time was that she had felt—really, truly felt—the warmth of Chloe’s hands wrapped around her own. “Stop,” she repeats quietly.

“I’m not doing anything,” Chloe promises.

“You’re breaking up with me,” Beca says, finally putting the words out there in the open. “You’ve been breaking up with me for a while.”

At that, Chloe flinches and draws back. Beca forces her body to remain still. “I haven’t been doing that. That’s not fair. We both know this hasn’t been working for a while, but we both tried, Beca. I know we did.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are we...doing this?” The 'we' slips out. Beca doesn't even correct herself because she recognizes the lack of fight in her own emotions.

“It hurts so much being apart from you,” Chloe whispers. “And even having you here, it’s not like you’re here at all." Chloe is quiet for a moment. "...and I think we just need some space to—”

Beca squeezes her eyes shut and barely refrains from putting her hands over her ears to block out the sounds Chloe is making. It sounds like a distant roaring in her ears, but she knows better: it is the sound of her world crumbling down around her.

To her credit, Chloe doesn’t finish her sentence. Beca doesn't know what to do. Chloe is crying, but so gently and softly that Beca's arms feel too leaden to be worthy of reaching up to brush her tears away. The truth of the situation is that Chloe likely has no idea what to say either; she likely is hurting as much as Beca is, but she has always been the strong one.

It feels like a disservice to Chloe if Beca didn’t begrudgingly admit that Chloe is probably right for initiating this conversation now. It doesn’t hurt any less—it doesn’t make Beca feel any less of a failure despite Chloe’s reassurance that it was both of them who needed space.

It hurts the most that Chloe is right.

Chloe is still speaking, a quiet, gentle tone for Beca’s benefit. Beca simply nods, too numb to do much else. Chloe speaks of Beca's immeasurable talent, her growing fame, all the ways Beca needs to grow without Chloe.

A part of Beca wants to laugh at that because she has spent her entire life growing with Chloe. It seems kind of a waste to just...not do that anymore.

The other part thinks maybe there is some truth in the things Chloe is saying (and maybe in the things Chloe isn't explicitly saying). That's the part that had seen this coming. Beca should have listened.

Somewhere along the line, she reaches out to hold Chloe’s hand for what she’s sure will be her last time.

Somewhere along the line, Chloe tells her she loves her. That she’s in love with her.

Beca finds it in her to speak, forcing away the memories of her own parents’ divorce. Of the pain and loneliness. “I love you too,” she murmurs.

It is still the easiest and most honest thing to say.

* * * * *

Ultimately, it wasn’t the end that crept up on Beca. Not entirely.

It is the loneliness that sneaks up on her. It had crept up on her, unbidden, then latched itself somewhere in the back of her mind without her knowledge. Somewhere between Chloe saying “I think we should break up” and the airport and the car ride home, loneliness had crept into every available space in her body.

She doesn’t realize it until she reaches home and drops her bag heavily by the door in an almost exact mirror of how she had dropped her bag in Chloe’s room a mere three days ago. Or had it been two?

Beca supposes that it doesn’t matter.

Her apartment air feels stale. She takes in a deep breath, wondering if it had always been like that or if she had only thought nothing of it because she had lived in a world where she had a Chloe Beale to eventually return to.

Now, there’s just this.

With a shaking hand, she reaches for her phone and presses her mother’s contact on impulse. It feels like something she ought to do—something that a child should do when she’s been devastated by incomparable heartbreak.

Her mother will know what to do, her mother can help, her mother can—

“Hi, you’ve reached Diane. Unfortunately I can’t—”

She isn’t sure what she expected, but she isn’t even surprised.

Beca finally lets herself cry.

fin.

*see more of this universe—now i see daylight.*

#bechloe #fanfiction #pitch perfect #now i see daylight #mine #my fanfic #queue

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doctor-spencer-ried · 5 years

Text

Touch Starved

Yay, new story finally! I love the concept of touch deprivation, and wanted to write what was supposed to be a short fic about it! Anyways, here we go! Warning, edited at 1 in the morning so possible errors.

Summary: Things have been off recently with you, everyone on the team can tell. Spencer is especially worried. He decides to take things into his own hands and figure out exactly what’s going so he can help you. Time for some research!

Word Count: 3156

“Have you noticed (y/n) acting strange lately?”

Emily glances up to where Spencer leans against her desk, his arms crossed over his chest and brow furrowed. She follows his pointed stare to where you sit slumped at your desk. The sight makes her own brow draw together. You look completely out of it and your desk is in complete disarray.

“Yah, she hasn’t been acting herself recently,” she hums thoughtfully.

She has noticed the subtle changes over the past few weeks. The dark circles under your eyes, the way you threw out random comments in your conversations with her about being stressed, the sometimes out-of-nowhere passive aggressive responses.

“Has she...talked to you about anything?”

Emily turns her gaze back to the brunet, a small smirk beginning to pull at her lips. It is so obvious that he was concerned about you, more so than he probably thinks.

“Yah, why?” She leans closer, raising an eyebrow at him.

Spencer feels warmth spread over his face, but plays it off with a casual shrug.

“She’s been really stressed out lately. I don’t know why, I don’t think she even knows. And she’s not sleeping well.” Spencer nods along, the second point being something he already figured out based on you practically falling asleep in a meeting with Hotch the other day. “She’s been really short with me too, but she always feels guilty afterwards. It’s weird, I’ve never seen her like this.”

Emily had known you for years, even before you both joined BAU. You had joined before her and had already formed some close bonds with the others before she got there, especially a certain tall brunet. How many nights she listened to you go on and on about the man. Strangely enough, even those talks have died down. You just seem...dead in a way. Tired, sad, stressed.

“Are you worried about her?” Emily asks quietly.

Spencer sighs softly, pursing his lips before nodding. “Yes, I am.”

~~~

Spencer spins around in his chair, curled finger pressed to his lips as he thinks.

He was actually really worried about you. For as long as he knew you, you had been a very kind-hearted, loving person. Even with how horrible your job was, even with everything you have been through, you are one of the warmest people he knows.

Something is different though. You have been acting reserved lately. The usually upbeat greetings in the mornings have turned into low grumbles, and the smile he has grown so familiar with no longer meets your eyes. As far as he knows though, there is no specific cause for all of these changes.

With an irritated sigh, Spencer turns to his computer and sets to work researching. He needs to figure out what is going on with you before it gets any worse. His eyes scan over the screen, flickering between articles and research. Nothing seems to connect with your symptoms until he stumbles upon an article explaining a certain condition, and it all clicks. Now all he needs to do is find a way to help.

~~~

Life sucks. People suck. The world sucks.

You groan, head dropping down onto your arms which rest on your desk. Everything in you is screaming for you to just close your eyes and sleep, except your mind which is persistent enough to keep you fully awake, even late into the night. It is a precarious balance that you wish would break. You have not gotten a good night’s sleep in days.

“Dumb freaking hormones,” you growl under your breath, pushing yourself back up so you can actually get some work done.

Focusing is a true feat these days for you. Usually you love your work, you love catching the bad guys and all that justice stuff, but nowadays you can’t seem to find the motivation to push yourself like you used to. Now all you can think about is getting home, wrapping up in a fluffy blanket, and watching movies. It’s so unlike you, but you honestly can’t be bothered enough to care right now.

“Good morning, (y/n).”

You jump at the sudden voice behind you and spin around in your chair. Towering above you is none other than the handsome Doctor Spencer Reid.

“Gosh Spence, don’t scare me like that,” you whine softly, pouting up at the gentle giant.

He merely laughs at your pain and gently pats your shoulder, mumbling a soft apology as he moves on to his own desk. You keep up your scowl until he dives into his work, giving you ample time to just look him over. One of your hands moves unconsciously to rest on your shoulder where he touched you, the tiniest smile tugging at your lips. That boy is something else.

With a deep breath, you turn back to your work with a fresh set of eyes. Just that simple interaction with Spencer seems to have energized you a bit, just enough to finish the paperwork from the last case. After that, you’ll see where things go.

~~~

About a week later you find yourself staring resentfully up at the top shelf where the last coffee cup sits, mocking you with its height. You swear, life is out to get you. Your morning was an absolute mess, or night considering you did not sleep, and all you have been able to think about is getting a cup of coffee at work since your coffee machine is broken. But no! No, you have to be just short enough to not be able to reach the top shelf. Curse whoever decided to steal all the cups from the lower ones.

“Need some help there?”

You stiffen as a solid form presses softly to your back, one hand resting on your shoulder as a long arm stretches up to grab the mug you were so balefully glaring at. Heat rushes to your face when the mug is brought down in front of you and you subconsciously lean back into the warm body behind you.

You already know who it is, based on the soothing voice and incredibly unfair tall stature.

“Thanks Spence,” you murmur as you reach forward to grab the cup from his hand.

“Of course.” His breath ghosts over you ear, and you swear your face cannot get any redder.

He squeezes your shoulder softly before his presence disappears. You turn around to face him, to maybe carry on a conversation about the injustices of high shelves, only to find that he has disappeared. Weird.

You set to work making your mediocre work coffee, humming happily under your breath as you do. This causes you to pause right before you fill your cup. You look down at the empty cup and purse your lips. You have been living off of caffeine lately, which cannot be healthy, and honestly you don’t feel like you need it anymore. You must have woken up a bit during that whole debacle with the shelf.

You put the cup on the lowest shelf and slip out of the break room after grabbing an orange juice from the fridge instead, sharing smiles with those you pass as you go to your desk. Time to work!

You don’t notice the sly smile that overcomes the doctor who watched you come in from his own desk. Nor do you notice the smug smirk on Emily’s face as she looks between the two of you.

~~~

It’s not until the third instance that you really notice something going on. You’re on the plane, heading out for a case when it happens.

It’s late, seeing as you took off at night due to the urgency of the case, and the sky outside it pitch black. Even the lights in the cabin are turned off, since everyone else is sleeping. Not you though. Like always, sleep evades you, so you’ve turned to your laptop to work on whatever can keep you occupied.

You’ve gotten so into the document you’re reading, that the sudden movement beside you on the seat makes you jump and almost drop the computer. With wide eyes, you whip around to catch the tired yet warm gaze of a certain brunet. He hums softly, eyes narrowing as he looks over the file you’ve been reading.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Spencer murmurs.

You cringe at the fact that he sounds like he’s just woken up. Was your screen too bright? Did you wake him somehow?

“I’m not tired,” you grumble out an answer as you look down at your lap, twisting your fingers together nervously.

Spencer turns his analytic eyes back to you. They skip over your features before he gently shakes his head with an amused smile.

“You look exhausted.”

Opening your mouth to retaliate, nothing comes out as the man scoots closer to you, so close your knees bump together. He reaches over and slowly closes your laptop, plunging you both into complete darkness. You shift anxiously since you can’t see anymore, fingers twitching though you don’t know what to do with them.

“Spence…?”

He doesn’t say anything to your hesitant call of his name, though you can still feel his presence. He’s breathing softly, and you can feel him moving, but no response.

You jump slightly when an arm wraps around your shoulders and tugs you softly towards where you assume he is. Out of confusion, you let him. You end up leaning against his side, head resting against his shoulder. His arm remains firmly around you, fingers softly brushing against your arm.

If the lights were on, you’re sure he would poke fun at you for how red your face is, but lucky for you, they’re not and you can just hide in his sweater. His sweater which is soft. Very soft. How have you never noticed how soft it is? You subconsciously press closer to him, letting out a soft sigh as you feel true exhaustion seeps through you. Maybe a little sleep wouldn’t be too bad.

The next day, when you wake up to find Spencer up and about, acting normal, you don’t feel right about asking him why he did what he did. He’s been acting different, not that it’s bad, you quite enjoy the little bits of affection he’s throwing at you, but it’s weird. You never envisioned him being so...touchy.

You leave the subject for another day and just focus on the fact you got the first decent night’s sleep that you’ve had in a while.

~~~

“Seriously though, Star Trek is so much better! The characters and the dynamics are just amazing! Not to mention just how repetitive Star Wars is. I mean seriously, it’s okay to stray from the Hero’s Journey just a little bit.”

Spencer smiles as he watches you go off. This is what he missed. The bright spark in your eye when you talk about something you are passionate about, the smile that brightens up the entire room and cheers up everyone else in it. He never realized how much you affected him or the team as a whole. Everyone had noticed the difference, and it had slowed things down, but it seemed his conclusion was correct and things are slowly getting back to where they used to be.

“Don’t you agree Spencer?”

You smirk as the doctor’s eyes widen and come in focus. He had so obviously zoned out while you were ranting, you could not resist the chance to poke a little fun at him.

“What’s up with you, huh? Got somewhere else to be?” Your legs brush as you scoot closer to him on the couch so you can lean forward to try and make him a little more flustered.

Spencer just shakes his head with a small grin, “No, I’m just glad to see you’re back to normal.”

This pulls you into a perplexed moment of silence as your brow furrows and you tilt your head in confusion. Back to normal? What is he talking about?

“What do you mean? Back to normal? Nothing’s been wrong with me.” You lean back away from him, tucking your hands between your knees as you shift your gaze over the bar.

You had decided to invite the group to a fun night out after returning from the last case. It had been a while since everyone got the chance to just relax and be around each other in a non-work environment, so you figured it might be nice to just go to a bar and hang out. Now, though, you wish you were in a slightly quieter place.

“Everyone’s been worried about you,” Spencer explains softly, “You’ve been acting strange the past few weeks. Emily says you have been stressing out over nothing and you haven’t been sleeping.”

He is not wrong, you know that, but that kind of stuff is normal. Anxiety comes with the job, as does sleep loss and a lot of stress. Why is that so weird?

“It’s just the job, you know how it is, Spencer,” you brush it aside quickly.

The brunet shakes his head, “It isn’t just the job, though. You’ve been distracted and detached, which is very unlike you.” He pauses and looks at you with those warm honey eyes, lips pursed and slanted in the way only he can. “I think I know what’s wrong too.”

This catches your attention, bringing your gaze back to him.

“And what’s that?�� You ask, curiosity seeping into your words.

If he somehow figured out what is ailing you then that would be perfect. Maybe you can finally get a good night’s sleep! You have been sleeping better recently, but it is still restless at times and you find yourself waking up earlier than usual most days. You really just want to sleep in peace.

“Well, I was doing some research and I found this condition that fits most of your symptoms. Most people call it touch deprivation. It’s actually quite interesting once you get in to it. Touch from another person helps to release the neurotransmitter and hormone oxytocin in your body, which in turn reduces the reactivity of the amygdala, which is the part of your brain that functions with anxiety, fear and aggression, among other things. In other words, when you lack regular physical touch or affection, you will experience some of the things you have been, like sleep deprivation, stress, unintended aggression. It can be somewhat common in people who spend more time with work than on other aspects of their life.”

Your head spins a bit at all the information he just let loose on you. Touch deprivation? As in you’re just not getting enough contact from people? You guess it has been a while since you’ve really gone out with anyone, in any sense of the term. No friends nights, no dates, no nothing. It has all just been work. But you love your work. Maybe too much?

“How’d you figure this out?” You fidget in your seat, trying to scoot away some, but Spencer stops you by placing a hand gently on your knee.

“Well you see, I formed a hypothesis after some research based on your symptoms, then I carried out some experiments,” he begins to explain, but you interrupt him.

“Wait, experiments? What?”

Spencer smiles guiltily, “I had to see if I was right or not before bringing it up to you.”

“What kind of ‘experiments’ did you run?” You ask, eyes narrowed.

The smile widens, though remains somewhat guilty. “I gave you small doses of physical contact and then observed your behavior for a time afterwards. Each time you reacted positively, you seemed more energetic, like you usually are. After all of that, I came to the final conclusion that you are touch starved.”

Touch starved.

“Why did you do all that for me?” You look up at him, biting your lip anxiously.

That’s a lot of work to do for a colleague. He went to all that effort to try and figure out what was bothering you, all that time. Everything makes sense now. All the weird moments, like the night on the plane, make sense. But why? Why would he do that for you?

Spencer purses his lips, not sure exactly how to respond. He scratches the back of his neck, a sign of discomfort, though he doesn’t put any distance between the two of you. If anything he inches a little closer.

After a moment of silence, the brunet slowly eclipses one of your hands with his. His hand is big and warm over yours. You look down at them, blanking for a second.

Spencer Reid is holding your hand. Spencer Reid. Is holding. Your hand.

Spencer licks his lips, hesitating before saying, “We were all worried about you, but I guess you could say I was a bit more so. I realized…I realized that I missed your normal behavior. You bring so much energy to the team and it’s obvious when something’s wrong. I...didn’t like it.”

He’s not meeting your eyes anymore and you notice a bit of red creeping up his neck. You bite your lip to hide the smile that wants to break out. You want to hear the rest of what he has to say.

“I realized that perhaps...I care for you on more than a platonic level.” The words are quiet, almost shy.

You can’t help it when the smile does get past you. Who would have known that smart, pretty boy Spencer could be so self conscious. It’s cute.

“Did you just admit to liking me, Doctor Reid?” You hum teasingly as you let your fingers interweave with his.

Spencer purses his lips but nods subtly, eyes locked on your hands. A warmth blossoms in your chest. He is just too adorable. He went to all that effort to help you, all the bold moves and sweet gestures, and now he’s squirming in his seat over some hand holding.

“Hey Spence-” This causes his eyes to finally meet yours, wide and hopeful, “-I like you too, just so you know.” You nudge him softly, watching as his lips pull into a small smile of his own.

The moment is sweet and short, but honestly all you need. You lean into him, resting your head on his shoulder as a sigh escapes you. He’s so warm. His thumb traces over your knuckles softly and he lets his head rest on top of yours. Your eyes drift shut so you can just enjoy it. The feeling of just being next to him. Comfort, peace, maybe love. Love. Yah, that’s got to be it. It may be new, young, but you think it’s love. Guess you’ll have to wait and see, but you can tell it’ll be worth it.

For now, you’ll get a good night’s sleep and start the next day a new, with the handsome Doctor Spencer Reid now by your side.

#spencer reid #Spencer reid x reader #emily prentiss #emily is best girl #touch starved #touch deprived #x reader #reader insert #Spencer reid is best boy #love this man #spencer reid one shot #love

223 notes · View notes

odyssiaca · 4 years

Text

i said i was gonna do it, so here i am! i am writing this on the fly, making it up as i go along so who knows how long it will be! who knows.

i have finally played every route in fe3h, including the dlc- currently im making my way through the new game+ and screaming because this is my life now apparently. this isn’t really a deep and meaningful essay just... my experience playing the game and all the routes.

( pls note i played on casual and normal for my original playthrough because i am a wimp. for ng+ im still playing casual but this time im playing on hard. )

this is the order in which i played the routes + dlc: verdant wind, azure moon, cindered shadows, silver snow and crimson flower.

right! so!! let’s start!

White Clouds: the first twelve chapters are obviously pretty same-y, which is fine, except when you’re playing 4 times in a row. i liked the fact that the goddess tower was unique for every route and character you were trying to get s support with. there were some unique aspects to the different house, ie. judith, arundel, rodrigue, finding out about dimitri and edelgard. but other than that i did get pretty bored when it came around to doing it... again. and idk just, like i said the reveals obviously weren’t as shocking the 4 time around but like, they were still enjoyable, which is good at least!

Verdant Wind: this route is... eh. it’s the first one i did because dear god i am in love with claude. the route in and of itself is probably one of the weakest ngl. there were things that didn’t make sense in the context of the route and unlike azure moon and crimson flower it didn’t feel unique (given that this route and silver snow are.... IDENTICAL. except the final bosses) the final boss was dope and i am obsessed with God Shattering Star, but other than that? meh. i liked it at first because it was my first one and yknow, claude. but now it’s just idk, it’s lacking. and i’m gonna be honest: i don’t like most of the class. i like claude, hilda, marianne and lysithea. that is it. the others are just overbearing or kinda boring. lorenz i just, i can’t get over his design, i know he’s a deep character but i dislike most of his c supports, i hate his hair and the way he talks. ignatz and raphael are forgettable. i know they’re also very deep characters but their surface levels make me not want to go into their characters. and just. fuck leonie, i’m sorry i just cannot handle her. she’s overbearing, annoying, thinks that because jeralt trained her she’s better than everyone??? GOD. her supports with hilda are cute, and i like her post-timeskip design but otherwise she’s one of my least favourite characters in the game. im sorry. (edit: okay im revising this because it was late at night and perhaps i was a bit harsh. i dont actually mind the characters i mentioned that much, in fact they can be quite funny, however, i still prefer characters from the other houses more.) so my verdict of this route is that i did enjoy it, i liked the cutscenes and the timeskip designs but it’s still only my second favourite. 8/10.

Azure Moon: look. i’m just saying, this route? is the best. hands down, it’s absolutely amazing. it has it’s flaws, and it’s very different from the other routes and is also very much the most fire emblem like route but that’s okay. this route is devastating, heartbreaking, really fucking sad. and that just draws me in. when i first did the route i was gonna marry mercedes because i am gay and love her but the character of dimitri is just so incredibly well done- before and after the timeskip. i like the fact that there’s essence behind his character, meaning. i actually found this route to be kinda hard in places (cornelia for example and also edelgard) and it’s also very unique. i like the way the two factions of faerghus and adrestia interact, and also the way the alliance is just dragged into it. ( claude doesn’t die which is good!!!!) in the other routes you only really see dimitri as this crazed character but in azure moon you find out WHY and yes, that is good. the characters are all very unique and i like them all they all have their own stories and characteristics that make them as unique at the route. the cutscenes and stills are, beautifully done and truly heartbreaking. and just. AH. i adore this route more than i have any right to, on the whole it’s my favourite. 10/10.

Cindered Shadows: this isn’t really a route, but that’s okay, im sure you guys don’t mind. i love the ashen wolves, they’re amazing. the story is... weak. because it doesn’t fit into the actual plot at all and that annoys me. aelfric is a character i dislike immensely but maybe that was the point? i find the explanations in the route to be its downfall, because it clashes with what we already know in the game. sitri is pretty and im glad we get a tiny bit more byleth and sitri backstory but otherwise the characters and abyss are it’s saving grace. 6/10.

Silver Snow: im gonna go ahead and say it: fuck this route. it’s verdant wind but with seteth instead of claude. it’s verdant wind but bad and boring. it’s dull and unnecessary. i had really high hopes for this route because it’s the church! i dont like the church but a route with them could be very interesting! it was not! it lacked personality, it lacked uniqueness. i don’t particularly like most of the characters and basically just used the students and fuuuuuck the final boss. the only reason i did this route was because i wanted to romance yuri but also edelgard. 2/10 would not play again.

Crimson Flower: ... ... ... WHERE ARE THE CUTSCENES!!!! where is the reunion scene between byleth and edelgard, why is it all stills!!!!!! WHY IS IT SHORTER THAN THE OTHERS!!!! WHY. the story in this route is actually very interesting, and well thought out. but the aforementioned points are what make me want to ram my head into a wall. idk why they thought to give silver snow cutscenes and not this route but it was stupid. i do like the way the portrayed the church and rhea though. as the villains they technically are. i like the characters a lot, they’re all great, and i love the angst!!! the way you get to choose if you want to spare or kill your children whom you love. ( i spared claude and lysithea because i am weak. ) but its just. the vibe of the route is ruined by the lack of cutscenes and thats dumb ik but it is what it is. and also it did NOT need to be shorter, there was no reason for it to be as short as it was. 5/10.

so in order we have:

Azure Moon

Verdant Wind

Cindered Shadows

Crimson Flower

Silver Snow

i enjoyed the game a lot, the writing was beautiful and the characterization was also really good. but some of the characters and routes were just. weak. very very weak.

idk what else to say so imma leave it here i guess!! pls feel free to debate with me, i’d like that a lot.

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schrijverr · 4 years

Text

The Mystery of Castiel

Dean sets out to prove that his husband, Castiel, is an acual angel walking amongst man. He tries to convince his friends with his documentary. much to the confusion and amusement of fans.

Part of the Famous Husband verse, which is also a series)

On AO3.

Ships: Destiel

Warnings: None, but I’ll be happy to tag something for you, no questions asked! :)

~~~~~~~~~~

The video opened with a grainy and moving shot of a dark hallway with lights spilling out of a doorway at the end. From behind the camera Dean whispered: “I think there’s something in my house. It feels ancient, powerful. So, I’m checking it out.”

He was close to the doorway and he took a deep breath before rounding the last corner, finally showing the kitchen.

Standing at the kitchen counter was Cas, he was in his pajamas and looked like a dear in headlights when he heard Dean enter. In his hands he held a cereal box from which he was eating dry cereal. The digital clock beside him displayed the time, 03:07. His voice was gruff from sleep as he hurriedly said: “It’s not what it looks like.”

Dean screamed, then his intro rolled. It was a drawn impala that came down the road, it stopped in the middle of the screen and the drawn Dean gave a wink to the viewers, then he sped off again and the smoke was bridge back to the video.

The backdrop was out of focus, but you could make out a bunch of red string and vague pictures. Dean was sitting in front of it, his hair was disheveled and he had dark bruises under his eyes. Of course, the viewers didn’t have to know that was thanks to Jessica's make up skills. He rubbed his forehead and said: “I can’t do this anymore.”

He sighed deeply and went on: “I love my husband, I do. He is my everything, but the elephant in the room hasn’t been discussed seriously and it’s eating me up. I don’t know how to start talking about it without him turning it into a joke. Which is why I am making this video, I want your opinions and tips on how to handle this or just for you tell me if I’m acting crazy. Because I really need someone to tell me what to do.”

He was now looking straight into the camera as he said: “I think Cas is either an angel or some sort of cryptid. He’s just not human that’s all I know, okay. He has to be immortal, not of this world. I mentioned this before, but no one takes me seriously.”

The video changed and a time line came into view, while Dean did a voice over: “I met Cas in September of 2010. According to him he is born in 1990, so he should be 30, if all of this is correct and he has aged just like a human would.”

A dot appeared on the line and 2013 came above it. Dean said: “I started my YouTube channel in 2013, Cas claims to have been 23 at this time and I have footage of him in one of my videos.”

A clip played of Dean telling the camera he was going to try and drink three liters of soda in one go with no break in between. In the background a man walked past.

“I now see that that might not have been the best clip, so here is a picture as well.” Deans voice was heard as a photo of a young Dean and Cas appeared. They were sitting next to each other on the beach. Dean had a beer in his hand and cheered to the camera while Cas did a peace sign in the background, bee sunglasses firmly on his face.

“To compare this to now, here is a picture Sam took of us last week.” Dean said and another photo appeared beside it. This one was taken on the couch the viewers knew so well from live streams. Dean and Cas were sitting next to each other in this picture as well, they had a blanket thrown over their legs and a bowl of popcorn on their laps. Dean was kissing Cas’s cheek while he flipped of Sam, aka the camera.

“He appears to have aged normally, although he is still dashingly handsome, if I might say so. Not the point. Anyway, since he has aged so normally most people don’t believe me, but I’m going to prove it.”, the photo’s faded and the Dean from earlier reappeared.

“I’ve been awake for days now, trying to find all the evidence I could, just to try and convince someone out there, to hear a voice back saying that I am not going crazy.” Dean said, “I am married to an immortal non-human, an angel in the biblical sense, and I need to tell someone.”

He picked up a manila folder, and opened it. He started: “Okay, so the first thing I have is his family. He grew up extremely Christian, or so he says, but I think he’s hiding behind a facade of biblical households to hide the fact that he is an angel himself and therefor witnessed everything that happened within the Bible.”

Dean chuckled: “He’s not even subtle about it. I mean, seriously. His name is also the name of an angel, Castiel the angel of Thursday. And he has eleven siblings, which makes a total of twelve children, like twelve as in the amount of apostles Jesus had and they also all have biblical names. His brothers are Gabriel, Micheal, Raphael etcetera. He even has a brother named Lucifer that apparently no one talks to anymore, because he defied their father and is now in prison or something. That’s not a good cover story. That’s the Bible retold, but then bad.”

Cas and Dean had discussed what Dean would say about Castiels family beforehand and they had decided that this was enough. No reason to get into more detail about it. This was supposed to be funny and dumb, not revealing and sad.

“What shoots a hole in this, according to Sam is that we have pictures of him from when he was a child.” Dean said and a picture of a toddler Cas with big blue eyes and a small frown already on his face was shown, before Dean went on: “I think that Sam is wrong. If you’re a powerful entity, you can make fake pictures of a baby-you that has never existed. But I will let you draw your own conclusions about that.”

“Coming back to an earlier point,” Dean went on, “his History knowledge. This is also weird, since he knows everything about History, in particular thing about long long ago. Which as he points out is because he studied History. And that’s fair, but it’s weird.”

He rubbed his face again and groaned in frustration: “Ugh, just let me, let me put this into words better.”

“If you studied History, you know History and that’s just how it is. But what you don’t know is suddenly everything about the ancient times, no matter how much you specialized on it, which I know he hasn’t since he teaches History and you need to know more than just one period in order to do that.” Dean said, “We all on the same page?”

There was a silence, like he was waiting for a response. He acted like he got it: “Good, so why- how can he know everything in excruciating detail about that period? And he knows it like he’s been there and he has an abnormal amount of space in his brain for memories.”

A clip played of Cas, Dean behind the camera. They were on vacation, probably, and standing in a church. Dean said: “Can you repeat what you just said, sunshine?”

Cas looked over, saw the camera and shot it a tired look. He rolled his eyes and pointed at a picture of Jesus: “I said that this Jesus isn’t very realistic, because he isn’t smiling. Well, he has a smile, but it’s like this weird serene one. He was young when he was crucified. You really think a twenty-year-old had any patience or chill? I think not. He had a big happy smile,” then hastily, “probably. I think, at least.”

Disheveled Dean reappeared and said: “Tell me that is not fricking suspicious. And that’s just the one I captured on camera. He’s always commenting stuff like that.” his eyes lit up and he snapped his finger as he said: “Like, like he did in the Q&A video we did!”

The clip played of Castiel talking about the Tower of Babel.

“I mean come on. He talked about it like he knew how it had suddenly turned, because he had been there. I know what you’re thinking, it’s a story that gets told to Catholic children. And you’d be right, it is a biblical story. Yet, Mr. History talked about it like it is something that happened, even though it hasn’t been proven.” Dean explained, “And then he tried to cover it up, by saying how it would be an opportunity to find out. Good cover story, angel, but not happening.”

“And don’t get me started on his lack of pop-culture knowledge.” Dean went on, “I mean, I got him a phone. His first phone ever, for his 21st birthday. No one should get their first phone in 2011.”

A picture of Cas came on screen. He was holding up a phone, but it was all wrong. He held in with his pointer finger and thumb, a thumb that was in the middle of the screen, and he looked at it with confusion written all over his face.

“He also knew nothing about movies.” Dean appeared again, “I had to show him everything. And I mean everything. No Disney, no Star Wars, no Lord of the Rings, no Friends, no Indiana Jones, no horror movies, nothing. Almost like he had been away from earth while all of it was made and only popped down recently, which reconnects to my previous point about the specific History knowledge.”

“Another thing is his social skills.” Dean moved on to his last point, “He had no clue how to interact with people when I first met him and when I asked about it he claimed his ‘people skills were rusty’, like he used to have them, but they had faded over time. Which would be impossible, because at that age you either don’t have them or you do, you cannot have forgotten entirely.”

The screen went black again and a list appeared: “So we now have four strange things about him.”

1. Youth and Family

“His youth is filled with weird biblical details that are so accurate or strange that it couldn’t have been a coincidence.”

2. History Knowledge

“Despite his study, this is still weird and suspicious, but I feel like the evidence I showed speaks for itself.”

3. Lack of Pop-culture Knowledge

“This could also be his sheltered upbringing, but he was already out in the real world for two years when I met him, so why he had never encountered any of it is a mystery. With, in my eyes, an easy explanation.”

4. Lack of Social Skills

“Again this could be his upbringing, sure, but even then. If he isn’t lying about his family that is eleven children and parents along with an entire church to communicate with. You still pick up stuff like personal space.”

Dean appeared again and said: “I’ve laid out this evidence to some of my friends, this were their reactions.”

It cut to Sam sitting on a chair, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else. Sam asked: “Do we really have to do this, Dean?”

“Yes,” Deans voice came from behind the camera, “just hear me out, okay. I get that you didn’t want to listen before, but I have evidence now.”

Sam sighed.

It cut again to Sam shaking his head and saying: “I don’t know, why you’re so invested in this. All of this has a rational explanation, you can see that too.”

“But the family thing is weird, right. It’s so suspiciously correct that has to be fake that just can’t be coincidence.” Dean protested.

“Actually,” Sam replied, “humans have a weird sense of perception about coincidence. So much happens at one moment in the world that something strange or usual is bound to happen, we classify that as coincidence, but it’s just statistics, Math. It’s very interest-”

“Yeah, whatever, nerd.” Dean interrupted, “So, you don’t believe me.”

“No, Dean. I don’t.” Sam told him, “Can I go now?”

“Yeah.” Dean sighed, before it cut to Charlie sitting in the same chair.

Dean asked her: “So do you know why you’re here?”

Charlie nodded: “Yes and I am willing to hear you out.”

“You are?” Dean said, excitement seeping into his voice.

Charlie nodded, then it cut to her reading the final notes in the folder. She bit her lip and said: “I don’t know, Dean. Some off this is pretty suspicious, but I wouldn’t call it evidence of Cas being an angel or other immortal. I mean, the church can be weird.”

“But the History thing is definitely suspicious, right? I’m not being crazy about that?” Dean asked

Charlie answered: “Well, it wouldn’t surprise me, if he had developed a special interest in ancient Christian history while growing up and if he used to be a heavy believer then I suspect he must have thought a lot about how Jesus must have been and stuff.”

Dean huffed, but didn’t respond.

There was a shaky video of Ellen saying: “Dean, I have a bar to run, I don’t have time for your bullshit.”

But then Jo was in the chair and she said: “Dean, I love you and all, but I’m not doing this.”

“Please, just hear me out.” Deans voice was tired and it cracked, Jo relented.

In the end she said: “This is all strange, sure. I might have believed a bit of it, if I hadn’t known Cas. I mean, come on. He’s a dork and a teacher. He loves you, Dean. Don’t ruin that over something stupid.”

A sigh was heard.

After that it was Bobby, who was sitting on the chair. He didn’t look all that pleased. Most knew Bobby from Deans series about Baby where he would sometimes help or appear in the background and stories about Deans childhood.

Dean said: “Bobby, you know me, right?”

“I’d hope so, boy. I practically raised you.” Bobby replied.

“Exactly,” Dean said, “so you know, I’m not one to make random claims about this.”

“I do.” Bobby sighed, clearly not liking where this was going.

“Great.” Dean exclaimed happily, “Because I have collected a bunch of evidence and I want your opinion on it.”

It cut to Bobby rubbing his forehead while he read the last bits of evidence. He looked up and said: “I think you’re grasping at straws, right now. There are more logical solutions than this, but you’re ignoring ‘em, because you want to see this.”

Significantly sadder than before Dean responded: “So you don’t believe me either?”

“No, of course not, you idjit.” Bobby replied, “I walked Cas down the isle, I think I know the damn guy. He’s not some immortal. And don’t go bothering Jody about this either, you hear me.”

Then it cut back to the disheveled Dean, who said: “As you can see they still weren’t ready to listen to me. So I turned to my last resort, Gabriel. Castiels older brother.”

Gabriel was lounging in the chair, smirk playing on his lips and lollipop in hand. He smiled: “Dean-o, it this what it’s come to? Crawling to me?”

Dean sighed from behind the camera and said: “It was either you or Michael, you’re the least worst option.”

“Ahw, you flatter me.” Gabriel said with a wink, then he asked: “So, what is this all about?”

Dean answered: “I’m trying to prove that Cas is an angel, or an other sort immortal, but main theory is angel. I figured you were the best bet to get to the truth.”

The moment the word ‘angel’ left Deans lips, Gabriels face fell although he quickly tried to cover it up. He tried to laugh it off: “You’re being ridiculous. Little Cassie is a nerd, sure, but immortal. Sorry, but that’s hysterical. Besides, how else would you explain me, or the other people at the wedding?”

“I don’t know, other angels? Actors? Lot of possibilities. Maybe it was mind control.” Dean replied.

Gabriel laughed and shook his head, but when he looked up his face was completely serious as he said: “Stop searching, Dean. You won’t find anything, just love your husband in peace and live a long and happy life, okay.”

Dean swallowed thickly and shakily said: “Okay.”

Then it cut back to Dean from before, who said: “As you can see, he wasn’t very helpful. Although he did kind of scare me, the guy nearly threatened me, but he also made Cas more suspicious. He’s hiding something, I can feel it.”

“Anyway, none of my outside resources were helpful, so it’s time to look at our subject himself, Cas.” Dean said and the screen warped to a vlog.

It was filmed in such a way that it was obvious that Dean was trying to be stealthy. It showed Castiel doing the dishes, after a second Dean asked: “Why don’t you use the dishwasher, sunshine?”

Cas looked around and shrugged: “I don’t trust it, Dean. Machinery doesn’t seem to like me and I have not come to an agreement with the dishwasher yet, maybe later.”

Dean laughed: “The dishwasher is not a businessman, Cas. Here I’ll load it in.”

Then it changed to the living room, specifically the couch. It was a solid couch, easily a 1000 pounds. Dean yelled: “Caaaaas!”

From the distance came: “What is it, Dean?”, along with footsteps.

“I dropped my phone and accidentally kicked it under the couch. Can you help me?” Dean answered.

Cas looked at the couch and nodded. First he tried to fit his hand under and swipe the phone out from underneath it, but when that didn’t work, he grabbed the underside of the couch and lifted it as he told Dean to grab his phone, which he did.

Dean smirked at him and said: “Wow, Cas, very sexy. Have you been going to the gym lately?”

He only got an eyeroll in return along with a quick kiss, before Cas disappeared.

What the viewers didn’t get to see was the small carjack that had been carefully edited out, along with Sam, who had operated it.

Then it was Dean running up to Cas, yelling: “Smile, angel!”

Castiel turned to him like a deer in headlights and blinked heavily when the flash nearly blinded him. What was peculiar about this moment was the fact that his eyes seemed to glow an intense light blue, almost as if he was illuminated from the inside, which had been an easy edit, but it looked very cool, if Dean was being honest.

After that Dean said: “I showed these clips, along with a few others that are, admittedly, less convincing to my friends.” followed by a quick compilation of Sam, Charlie, Jo and Bobby shaking their heads and telling him he was an idiot or other variations thereof, “As you can see, they were still unconvinced.” Dean finished.

“They were unconvinced, what I have set out to do isn’t achieved. They aren’t listening and they aren’t seeing the truth. I know what I see, I know what Cas is. And they are just blind for the truth.” Dean told the audience, “So, I’m trusting you to open your eyes and see what is out there. Please, look at this and see the truth.”

Then it went to the endcard. Dean waved and said: “That was it for today. I hope you can support me and tell me that I’m not crazy. If you do, comment about it, like this video, share it to get the word out. Maybe subscribe and ring that bell, so you won’t miss out on any updates about it. Bye Hunters, see you on the-”

He was cut of by the slam of a door. He startled and looked over, but before he could get over the shock the lights overhead exploded and the room went dark. You could hear the heavy and angry voice of Castiel, who bellowed: “Dean Winchester, you have not listened to the warning Gabriel gave you. Your time has come.”

Then the video ended.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Oh my god is he okay?!!!?!?!?!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Pff anyone who believes this

shit is an idiot

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I know this is probably fake,

but I’m scared now

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Don’t lie, who’s been a fan of

Dean since day one?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Okay, but are we gonna talk

about Gabriel???

No?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You’re not crazy Dean. I once

saw a ghost. The supernatural

is out there and Castiel can be

who you say he is. We don’t

know what the paranormal has

in store for us. Keep believing,

keep fighting!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dudes, if he had time to edit and

upload it then he’s prbbly fine

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Should we call the police??

Is he ok???

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dean be looking like a raccoon

and still be hella fine

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Cass talking about Jesus is such

a mood, my Christian ass can

relate

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

IS HE DEAD?? DID DEAN JUST DIE!!! HELLO??? ANSWERS PLEASE!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Really? After all the sweet and

loving Cas content we got, we’re

supposed to believe this??

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Get yo self a man whos willing

to make a fake docu bout you

pretending to believe youre an

actual angel

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dean was grinning as he scrolled through the comments on his latest videos. He was quite proud of it honestly and was very happy with how it had turned out and the reaction of the fans. Cas saw him smiling and asked: “So I take it, it went well.”

Looking up Dean said: “Yeah, you might have to answer some questions tomorrow, if you want those kids to trust you after ‘murdering me’.”

Cas groaned, but couldn’t suppress the smile and fond eyeroll.

Then the phone rang, Dean looked at the screen with surprise, but smiled when he saw who was calling. It was Sam, the picture of him sleeping with a plastic spoon in his mouth lighting up the screen. He picked up: “Heya, Sammy.”

Sam answered: “Dean, come save me.”

“What is it?” Dean asked, serious brother mode instantly activated.

But it was lost with Sams answer: “I know you’re trying to sell the whole ‘I got murdered by my own husband who is an angel’-stick, but you’re fans are worried and mobbing me on Twitter demanding answers.”

Dean laughed and relayed what Sam had said to Cas, who also chuckled. Then Dean turned back and said: “I’ll do something about it.”

“Somehow that’s not very comforting.” Sam said.

“Don’t worry about it, Sammy.”

“That isn’t helping.”

“I said don’t worry about it.”

“Dean? … Dean! … Dean!”

Dean hung up and turned to Cas as he asked: “Would you mind filming me?”

An hour later a video was posted on Deans Twitter and Instagram. It was off Cas walking into the living room, where an unharmed Dean was sat on the couch. Cas said: “Hello, Dean.”

Dean looked his way and smiled: “Hey, angel. What’s up? Why are you filming?”

Cas replied: “Some off your fans were worried about you after your last video, so I’m showing them you’re okay.”

Dean frowned and asked: “Why would they worry about me? It was just a dumb video doing Just Dance, not flattering, but hardly worrisome.”

“Don’t you remember your funny little video about me and some conspiracy?” Castiel asked, way too innocently.

Dean frown deepened and he looked confused and he said: “What are you even talking about?”

“Nothing, it was all just silly. Don’t worry about okay?” Cas answered, still holding onto that innocent voice.

Dean smiled at him and said: “Whatever you say, sunshine.”

Then it was over, needless to say that fans weren’t reassured, neither were the kids at school the next day, when Cas pretended he had no idea what they were talking about and shut them down the moment they tried to show him the video on their phones.

@Deanmustbeprotected posted about it on their Insta and multiple conspiracies were posted on every platform.

Dean and Cas along with everyone they’d gotten involved watched from the sidelines with amusement. Mission accomplished!

#RR writing #dean winchester #castiel/dean #sam and dean #dean x castiel #castiel #Destiel #Destiel AU #married destiel #destiel youtuber au #youtuber dean #youtube #charlie bradbury #bobby singer #jo harvelle #TEACHER CAS

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kirango-rouge · 4 years

Photo

”No shape to form.... No throat to yell its pain... It has fathers, whom it’s not born... it’s devoted, not insane...”

(When my sister did her killercreamare ship child Soul to honour the ATOS passion, she had asked me for suggestions samples designs that could inspire her. She liked the design so much that she harassed convinced me to finish it and do a ship child for myself. well... here we are x))

The White Ghost

-Other names: The Shape, The one that doesn’t speak

-Killercreamare poly ship child

-Agender

-height: taller than its dads

-Age: 2-3 days old (basically the time it took me to draw It and do Its sheet)

- “Its devotion knows no limit. It cares not for self-preservation. It would gladly die to protect the ones it bonded with. For Its pain is a so sweet poison”

-backstory (sort of):

The White Ghost is related to the ATOS timeline, where Nightmare, Dream, Killer and Cross are in a polyamorous relationship. One day, somewhere in the multiverse, it appeared, and in barely a few agonizing gooey heart beats, it was already adult. Following its memory sphere, it is quietly searching for its “family”.

-physical desciption: The White Ghost is born from two gods and two mortals defying death. Dream gave it the soul in the form of a peach (symbol of love and sin of a being so pure who dared to bond with mortals and traitors), Nightmare gave it the goo (dangerous and protective, it helds this simili of a body together, as if constently asking for forgiving), killer gave it the determination (the spark of life that animated this shapeless corpse, always on edge, always in pain, always fighting to continue to exist), and Cross gave it his monster code (what remains from his monster soul: dust of magic, breath of hope, hint of compassion. To form bones, to contain, to tame, to prevent the almost living shape to vanish in thin air because of its wild magic). Therefore The White Ghost body is composed of some bones and a lot of determined goo.

-origin of its creation: i was chilling at reading ATOS one day and i was re-reading the sheets of the kids and i was beaming “aw the kids are so cute omg”, and then it striked me. Usually the ship children are made physically quite appealing and pretty, like they always inherit of the “good parts” from their genitors. So i decided to create an unsettling and always transforming design, something showing that an association doesn’t always produce something “good”.

The White Ghost doesn’t have a definitive design because its soul is contently desintegrating and reforming its body. I presented here a form arbitrarly “stable” but sometimes the bones or the goo can become dominant before changing again (i even wish i would have succeed to make it look uglier). Its life is holding to a string and still The White Ghost will always hide the gooey parts of his body whenever it spots a change, so it can feel “normal” like the other kids for the uncertain time it has in this world.

-Weapon: Its weapon is made of magic. It is an extension of its own body from its hands, but you can’t easily notice unless you try to make it drop it. The White Ghost hides it because its think its freaky enough like this. The aesthetic may look strange, but you clearly don’t want to be hit by something looking like this.

-Dumb and Deaf and Blind: The Whiste Ghost can produce some gutural noises, but otherwhise it cannot speak nor hear clear words because its body cannot form permanant vocal and auditive systems. It also doesn’t know how to write, read, nor sign because no one taught them how to, so comunication is quite hard unless you’d agree to soultalk with it to at least understand how it feels. But he’s eager to learn. At least its vision is less impacted than the two other senses, but sometimes it can go through short to long periods without a frontal lobe to contain its eyelights.

-the memory sphere: The White Ghost owns a “sphere of memory” around its neck containing its “story”, like “first day with my father”, “playing with my sibs” ect... It didn’t truly live any of these, but it is attached to its emotions and would like to live them one day for real. -relationships: Fathers: The white Ghost feels pulled toward its genitors. It want to be close to them but also fear rejection.

Dream: The White Ghost likes his kindness and patience. It would devote its entire being to serve and protect him and its other parents so they would keep it around. Such behaviour is quite disturbing to Dream and he’s helping it with self esteem. Dream taught It how to be more socially confortable so he can be independent around people without freaking out.

Killer: The White Ghost admires his resilience and strenght. Killer being the less “perfect” of Its fathers, The White Ghost feels more confortable around him. Both having to deal with constent determination flowding in their souls, they can rely on each other. Killer often wonder if it is his fault if this offspring looks so genetically mangled. He doesn’t want to think about The White Ghost as a “defective product”, convincing himself that he is surely the one who gave the wrongest “genes” to begin with because of his genocidal past.

Cross: The White Ghost is fond of his emotions and devotion. Cross’ soul being more open than an audiobook with images, The White Ghost can easily soultalk with him and likes to follow him around. Cross doesn’t find it creepy at all (No sir, waking up at night with a glowing gooey form above you and staring down at you is definitely not creepy), and like killer he thinks that he may be in part responsible from the handicap of his spawn. Since Cross’ code was at a certain time not suppposed to exist, he supposed that it had more severe repercussions on his soul than he thought, and bad luck The White Ghost inherited of all the bad genes combos possible. Cross would like a better life for his offspring and think that maybe his knowledge in “overwriting” could help to stabilise its determination and, hopefully, maybe give It a certain, even if short, life expectancy.

Nightmare: The White Ghost is attached to Nightmare’s patience and attention. He doesn’t show it often but he stay attentive and watch over his children like a protective owl. Nightmare taught The White Ghost hos to read and writte and studied immediatly the Braille and the Signing so he could give more way of comunications to his spawn, since he is too insecure to accept to soultalk with It. Nightmare trie to not get attached to The White Ghost since It could dust without any warning one day (sure Nighty, we believe you). In some old times, such an obedient and devoted soldier would have delighted him, but today he’s no longer so sure about wanting this. He also trained It how to use its goo with more eficiency and taught It how to form tentacles.

Siblings: The White Ghost is also very affective with its siblings. It’s doesn��t know all the time how to interact witout soultalk, but he likes to follow them and watching them (not creepy i swear!). Soul is Its partner in strange tastes for weapons’ designs. Nox, Lux and armonia welcomed It in their club of the broken skulls. And It finds in Falx an infinite source of soultaking (and both would need to go to Undertherapy for a session of “determination anonym management”).

orininal prototype of Soul’s design. you really can’t see the difference x)

welp, sorry for all this blabla xD

credits; my sister @serenade-bleue who forced supported me to finish it

and to the lovelies Type and Lyra from @atosofficial who are delighting us with their stories! love you dearies! <3

#kiran doodles #ship child #sheet character #sort of #more like a novel actually #sorry it is long #long post #should tag #killercreamare #killercreamare ship child

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digitaldreams0801 · 4 years

Text

Fallen Warriors Sketch Dump

These are drawings of four of the five Fallen Legendary Warriors (the fifth being Duskmon) for my Frontier rewrite, ‘Frontiers Unexplored’! I’m going to go over some info about all of them and their dynamic as a group. They’re known as the Fallen Warriors since they work for Cherubimon and were corrupted upon entering the Digital World. All five of them were bombarded with Spirits immediately upon arriving, and Cherubimon injected the Spirits with a virus to keep them under his thumb. The Spirits maintained most of their regular personalities, but they have darker undertones under the corruption.

Aeoelmon, Legendary Warrior of Earth

Aeoelmon is easily the most ‘goggle head-like’ out of the group’s members, but they are far from being the leader. Aeoelmon is brash, reckless, and confrontational, seeming to always feel unstable and unsafe with the rest of the Warriors. They gain their Beast Spirit second out of the group’s members (only after Lyramon), and they easily have some of the worst control issues. Aeoelmon tends to bottle up their emotions, growing defensive and angry when someone tries to call them out on their issues. They hate being touched and tend to get violent if someone touches them without consent. Aeoelmon is the tankiest when it comes to physical attacks, and they can more than dish out whatever hits they take while fighting with their gauntlets. They have raw physical strength on their side. While some might find them to be the ‘dumb meathead’, this is far from the case. Aeoelmon is stubborn, yes, but they are still incredibly smart, though this does nothing to calm their constant anger with Lyramon. They don’t get along with Duskmon in the slightest, finding him to be standoffish. Aeoelmon sometimes attacks themselves when they lose control of their Beast Spirit due to an undying hate of the body they live in. Comments regarding such bother them to no end and can prompt fights. They seem awful to work with at first, but they become much easier to interact with after they have grown to trust others. Aeoelmon takes a while to open up to others, but they become far less defensive after coming to trust them.

Fioremon, Legendary Warrior of Wood

Fioremon is a pacifist most of the time, only choosing to go along with fighting the Risen Warriors (Takuya’s team) because of her faith in Lyramon. She is careful and delicate, never rushing into danger as Aeoelmon would. Fioremon is elegant and cautious, afraid of taking chances in case backlash occurs. She knows that Lyramon is a strong leader and defers to them fully. Fioremon struggles to stand up for herself, instead letting others push her around. This isn’t much of an issue within the Fallen Warriors, but her passive nature does still get her into problems. Fioremon fears others getting too close to her in case it results in her being hurt. She represses her emotions, believing that perhaps her pain will go away if she chooses to ignore it. Fioremon is a strong actress, able to hide however she feels behind a delicate smile that most others seem to believe in save for Lyramon. She fights with a bow and arrow, relying heavily on speed, accuracy, and her spell casting abilities. Fioremon keeps her distance from the others, scared of getting too close, but she does respect Aeoelmon and Oceaniamon for being strong in their own ways. Fioremon tends to leave Duskmon be for the most part. While he doesn’t pick favorites, Fioremon would probably be the closest thing to a favorite Duskmon has.

Oceaniamon, Legendary Warrior of Water

Oceaniamon is similar to Fioremon in the way that she hates violence, but she lacks the same faith in Lyramon that Fioremon possesses. She is paranoid about most things, never wanting anyone to come close should it wind up with her suffering. When something does happen, Oceaniamon is something of a doormat, following the nearest authority figure out of fear for her wellbeing. Oceaniamon and Fioremon are similar in this way, but where Fioremon is able to hide her true feelings behind a smile, Oceaniamon struggles to maintain a proper facade, showing her constant panic often. Oceaniamon has heavy issues with anxiety, and getting closer to others physically in a negative way frightens her, prompting her to fight from afar using a sapphire staff she conjures in battle. She fears the other members of the Legendary Warriors, causing her to keep her distance. Lyramon’s shady nature frightens her while Aeoelmon’s temper puts her off. Fioremon rarely approaches Oceaniamon, so the two don’t speak much despite being rather similar. Oceaniamon constantly questions herself, believing she isn’t strong with making decisions. It takes her a long time to recognize that something is wrong when she is being hurt since she accepts it as normal and something she deserves for too long.

Lyramon, Legendary Warrior of Steel

Lyramon is the leader of the group much to the anger of Aeoelmon. They were given their Beast Spirit upon arriving in the Digital World, and they had minimal issues with controlling it where the other three struggle. For quite some time, Lyramon is the only one with a Beast Spirit, but they choose not to use it, relying on strategy and their wits instead to win. They are a flawless strategist, always seeing things from a variety of perspectives. They repeatedly lead the Warriors to victory. Lyramon is incredible when it comes to acting, able to put up a front effortlessly. Their eyes are hidden as a way of alluding to their untrustworthy nature. Lyramon very rarely opens up to others, believing that it isn’t important for others to get involved with such. They value survival above all else and will go to any means necessary to ensure the survival of themselves. Lyramon cares for their comrades, but it is mostly out of obligation. Fioremon follows Lyramon since they are an authority figure, and Oceaniamon is too afraid to speak out against the shifty Lyramon. Duskmon and Lyramon tend to avoid each other since Duskmon finds them intolerable. Aeoelmon and Lyramon frequently clash due to Aeoelmon being stubborn and hating to be bossed around. Lyramon, on the other hand, always has to feel in control of a situation in order to be secure. Lyramon keeps their cool always, very rarely growing angry or flustered. They are known to be impossible to read since it seems as if they are always thinking five steps ahead of any other players in Cherubimon’s war game. They fight with a rapier and shield (third picture), and they have the ability to read the minds of others. Lyramon is telekinetic and can deflect the attacks of others using their shield. They are fast and almost always on the defensive.

Duskmon, Legendary Warrior of Darkness (Not Pictured)

I didn’t draw Duskmon since he appears in canon, but he takes on much the same role as in the show. He hates associating with the rest of the group, finding them to be weak. He and Aeoelmon don’t get along due to the latter being confrontational when faced with threatening figures. Fioremon respects Duskmon’s need for space since she’s a natural introvert, so while the don’t speak much, Duskmon prefers her to the others. Oceaniamon actively avoids Duskmon since he terrifies her, and he sees her fear as a sign of weakness. Duskmon despises Lyramon for acting better than the rest of the group. He says that he cannot trust someone so secretive despite being just as bad as Lyramon in that department. Duskmon has the most raw power of the group thanks to Cherubimon granting him immense strength. Being in the area of Darkness all the time only boosts his power. Duskmon is, simply put, a nearly emotionless soldier, regarding the rest of the world with disdain. Duskmon is not the true Legendary Warrior of Darkness in the slightest though. Since Koichi’s body didn’t make the trip into the Digital World, Cherubimon was able to corrupt his soul, creating Duskmon as a result. Duskmon is notably unstable since he isn’t the true Spirit of Darkness, and when he shifts into Beast or Unified form, he goes wild with a lack of control, attacking friend and foe alike.

Ending Notes

There you go! Information about all of the Fallen Warriors working for Cherubimon in Frontiers Unexplored! I have two other OC Warriors that I’ll hopefully be able to show off soon (Kirismon and Orionmon, Warriors of Energy and Cosmos respectively), but until then, enjoy this group!

#digimon frontier #digimon #frontier #original characters #original digimon #digital's frontier rewrite bs #legendary warriors #frontiers unexplored

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twilightofthe · 5 years

Note

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ahsoka Tano, annnnnnnd Luke Skywalker

Probs gonna be a long post since I Cannot Shut Up, so here we go!

OBI WAN (see look I told you this was gonna be long)

How I feel about them: HELLO HI YES I LOVE HIM A NORMAL AMOUNT. Okay okay, besides the fact that he is Very Nice To Look At (c’mon, I must, I have EYES), I genuinely love Obi Wan because he wants to be a good person so, so badly, and he’s always ALWAYS trying to be better because he doesn’t believe he already is a good person. His life is a literal living hellhole and he doesn’t crumple under all of that tragedy like literally everyone else does, he takes a moment, puts a cheeky smile back on his face, and gets back up and keeps going. He can be a hypocrite, he tends to look over things he really shouldn’t or gets the wrong idea about things and just shuts off what he doesn’t want to deal with, he’s overconfident and a little snobby and petty and a bit of an asshole, and he makes mistakes because he is human, and I love him for all of those flaws because if he was perfect, I wouldn’t like him as much. He’s funny and reckless and would literally die before letting anything he cared about get hurt, he wants to do everything at once so he can help everyone and he literally gives all of himself to a cause because he cares and y’all, he is the most distinguished disaster I have ever come across and he deserves peace and rest and loved ones who don’t die in his arms or betray him and he’s one of the most brilliant fighters I have ever seen and he just draws you in. You can’t help but want to watch him.

Romantic ships: I will love him and Anakin together past my dying breaths; they’re soulmates. I can also enjoy seeing him with Quinlan or Ventress, and of course Satine.

Non-Romantic OTPs: Anakin again, I just love them and will take them any way I can get. Also Cody, Cody is great. And Ahsoka-- especially post-Order 66 (c’mon Kenobi movie don’t let me down now). And Padmé! Ugh, I’m mad TCW refused to let us see the Obi/Pads friendship the movies promised us they had.

Unpopular Opinion: Two big ones. First, that Anakin is the most important person in his life. I can’t see it any other way, and I know other people would disagree. Second, that he’s a good person and ALSO kinda a jerk. He’s one of the most popular figures in this fandom with the most mercurial fanbase. I’d say a good 85% adore him, but then the 15% who don’t hate him with a burning passion. Seriously, it’s like to these people Palpatine was a better Master to Anakin than he was, jeez-- I’m digressing. Anyway, it’s like in retaliation, the other 85% have put him up on a pedestal as someone who’s done no wrong whatsoever. And here I am in the middle like, I love him to hell and back and always will, he’s legit one of my favorite characters, but he isn’t perfect. Like I said, it’s hard for me to like perfect characters with no flaws. So yea, I guess that’s it.

Something I wish would happen/had happened with them in canon: MORE OBIKIN MOMENTS BECAUSE I’M NEEDY. Ok but in reality, there’s a couple things, most I’m discovering have to do with female characters. I wish he hadn’t faked his death when Ahsoka was there. I get why Anakin had to be there to witness it, otherwise he wouldn’t believe it, but Obes, my dude, there was no reason why you had to (further) traumatize a sixteen year old over this. She really did not need to have you die in her arms, you of all people know how shitty that feels. I also want to know why he didn’t speak up (or if he did and we didn’t see it) at Ahsoka’s trial. Was he being punished for Mandalore? Going off of that, I wish we actually got to see him mourn Satine for more than 0.5 seconds of him looking sad after she died and then it literally never being brought up again (I’m looking at you here, Season 7, give me SOMETHING). I’d also like to see him having some sort of meaningful interaction with Leia that would make her naming her only child after him make more sense (I actually have a really good penpals style idea about this, but I don’t know if I’d be able to write it before the Kenobi show comes out and josses it). Also, I heard that the original Twin Suns episode of Rebels was supposed to have Kanan going to Tatooine with Ezra, and I really would like to see a Kanan/Obi Wan interaction, it just sounds like so much potential for angsty goodness!!! ;_;

AHSOKA

How I feel about them: My brave, brave girl! She was what got me into the prequels in general, if you can believe it (wow, my star wars watching order is just WEIRD), I had to know more about her after seeing literally one glimpse of her in Rebels and then saw the Tumblr fandom explode. She’s enduring and snarky and clever and a total badass and I adore how we got to see her grow from a spunky little kid into a shining, confident young woman who I’d follow anywhere. Anyway, I love her and god did she deserve so much BETTER FROM EVERYTHING. HER LIFE SUCKED TOO AND SHE TOLD LIFE TO FUCK OFF AND KEPT GOING.

Romantic ships: I adore her and Kaeden Larte from the Ahsoka novel and you can pry my headcanon that they’re still together up to the Sequel trilogy out of my cold dead hands. Also Barriss Offee (WHY DO ALL MY STAR WARS SHIPS HAVE A PATTERN? CAN WE NOT BE BETRAYING EACH OTHER FOR FIVE SECONDS PLEASE). Also Riyo Chuchi, that was really cute!!!

Non-Romantic OTP’s: Snips n’ Skyguy all the way!!!! But also argh, I adore Ahsoka and Rex and everything about them and Season 7 is going to KILL ME. I also love seeing Ahsoka and Padmé interact, and I really do like the little bits we see of her and Obi Wan and I want MORE of them >:(

Unpopular Opinion: This is gonna sound weird since I just said that seeing Ahsoka in Rebels was what got me into TCW and the prequels, but I really didn’t like her characterization in Rebels all that much after I went back and saw her in TCW. I know she grew up and was traumatized and matured, but Rebels!Ahsoka just seemed a bit too severe, a bit too peaceful (she’s always been a firebrand), a bit too quiet. Yea she grew, but I feel like the environment she grew up in wouldn’t foster the personality change she got in Rebels. She was a bit of a hot mess in TCW, and the Ahsoka novel kinda showed more of that personality in an older version of her and felt more right than what we got in Rebels.

Something I wish would happen/had happened with them in canon: A GROUP HUG WITH ANAKIN AND OBI WAN IN SEASON 7, PREFERABLY HER PICKING THEM BOTH UP LEGEND OF KORRA STYLE. Ok but really there’s a LOT of things. First, that she never liked Lux Bonteri. I’m sorry, I’m petty. He just reminds me way too much of my IRL friend’s stupidass boyfriend who I Do Not Like and I never got what Ahsoka actually saw in him ;p Second is that I did not like how Ezra saved her in Rebels. It’s a grumpy point for me because I certainly like how she managed to outlive the entire Order that kicked her out, it’s poetic, and if they did have Vader kill her I’d still be grumpy because it would be just another Prequel era woman who got killed off because she wasn’t in the OT while the males all find some way to be alive despite not being in the OT. HOWEVER, you will never convince me that Kanan wasn’t the one who deserved that time-travel fixit. Kanan had a family-- a CHILD, who he left behind. Kanan had a future, and a story point that was just left unfinished and unsatisfying for me and other fans, if what I’ve heard was right. As much as it would annoy me, Ahsoka dying facing Vader makes sense from a narrative point because it would follow the path that Vader destroys everyone he ever loved until he meets Luke. Kanan’s death felt sudden and forced, and the fact that they had the audacity to use his death to be like “oh no Kanan had to die and become a Spirit Wolf solely to tell Ezra he needed to bring AHSOKA back”, come on. Rebels didn’t establish Ahsoka and Kanan having any sort of meaningful relationship, it makes no sense for that to be his final wish, so it just feels a LOT like favoritism on Filoni’s part. So yea, I don’t know what I wanted to save Ahsoka because I did want her alive, but it definitely shouldn’t have been at the expense of Kanan. Meh. Ok, but on a happier note, I really wanna see Anakin’s ghost on Endor reuniting with her again cuz that would be sweet and make me cry. I also wanna see Ahsoka interacting with Obi Wan on Tatooine in the new show because please it would be perfect, she’s already met Leia, now she can meet Luke! Also, if we could actually see her find Ezra, that would be very nice, thank you.

LUKE

How I feel about this character: Luke Skywalker is one of the bravest, most kindest men in the galaxy. He’s not the stereotypical macho hero, he’s goofy and he whines and sulks and he makes dumb jokes and he rushes right into things, but he’s determined as all hell and once he loves you, he’s never letting go. He wants to fix everything! He has so many ideas! He’s so bright and you can’t help but fall in love with his smile and his sparkling eyes and you want all his dreams and plans (because he has so, so many of them) to come true, and he will make them come true, because he is stubborn like both of his parents before him. He worked through the discovery of his beloved father being a monster, and not only did he love him despite that, he did the unthinkable and BROUGHT HIM BACK. LUKE BROUGHT ANAKIN HOME BECAUSE HE LOVED AND BELIEVED IN HIM AND HE WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO DO IT. I just wish he had gotten the happy ending his parents never did (and that he had had for 40 years before it was ripped away whoops I got salt on this haha).

Romantic ships: Complicated. I think he would be really cute with Ezra if they ever actually met; their personalities would mesh nicely and I think they’d make a great team! However, I don’t really ship him with anyone else, and me the ace again is projecting major aro/ace vibes onto him because I can *blows raspberry*

Non-Romantic OTP: BROT3 WITH HAN AND LEIA!!!! FOREVER AND ALWAYS!!!!!!!! Y’all but they literally saved the galaxy together, and Luke and Leia love each other so much they knew there was a connection from the very beginning and always supported each other and the BEST space siblings, argh that forehead kiss was my favorite part of The Last Jedi I cry but I also love the chaotic dumbass duo that is Han and Luke and how they’d legit die for each other and have each others’ backs. And, Luke and R2 will always always make my heart melt because these guys are the best team! And Chewie, cannot forget Chewie, Chewie loves his stupid blonde little brother. Ya know what, I’ll also add in Rey for the pure potentiality of what could have been.

Unpopular Opinion: Well it’s certainly not unpopular to anyone I talk to, but Lucasfilms disagrees with me, so I’m gonna put forth that I don’t care WHAT the explanation is, I could never ever ever see Luke even thinking about murdering his nephew in his sleep, not just a “slip up”, not “only for a second”, no. Yes, people can change in thirty years, and I’ve begrudgingly accepted a lot of his actions in TLJ, but not that one. Luke would NEVER. A more unpopular one I have would be that he’s not as much of a “innocent cinnamon roll” as fandom makes him out to be. We see from the beginning of Episode 4 that Luke has the Skywalker temper and he’s a bit on the rude side, even though to me that seems a little more like issues with a filter that he works on developing throughout the OT. But yeah, people tend to declaw him a bit and forget this is the same sarcastic, snarky guy that can and will happily kick the ass of basically anyone who he can’t talk his way out of trouble with (in this, he is very much Obi Wan’s apprentice).

Something I wish would happen/had happened with them in canon: LET HIM APPEAR TO REY WITH ANAKIN’S FORCE GHOST 2K19!!! PLEASE JJ I BEG YOU YOU LITERALLY NAMED THE MOVIE AFTER THEM. Also, please just let him take an active role in Episode 9. I understand it’s about the new protagonists, but please do not include the Sequel Trilogy in the “Skywalker Saga” if you’re just gonna sideline him the entire time. If he couldn’t have his original happy ending, please let him be happy at the end of all of this.

#i’m proud of myself i could have added a LOT more sequel salt in Luke’s section than i did you’re welcome #i also will go off completely unprompted over the IRL friend’s stupidass boyfriend and almost did #so be very thankful i showed restraint xD #our only ho #snip snap #twin sun

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wakraya · 6 years

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SBURB - The Board Game

Hey guys! Since the post I made yesterday got some traction and you all seemed super interested in this concept, I decided that, fuck it! Even though I don’t have all of the cards made and I’ve still got to refine the rules, I may as well share what I have, right?

This is something I’ve been doing on my free time! While I’ve given some thought to it and would totally love to make it into a functional game, maybe with one of those Tabletop Simulator things online, it’s still pretty much amateurish and untested. So with that out of the way:

How To Play

The game is at its core, a turn-based Card Game. You will have certain randomly-chosen characteristics that will shape how you interact with the others in the Session, but generally, most people’s objective is going to be completing a successful SBURB Session. There are 10 different decks of Cards with different kinds of Cards.

Character: Character Cards, they determine your Health and Aspect Vial count, as well as some special ability you may be able to use in your game!

Role: These determine your scoring conditions. Most people will get the SBURB Player, but there are other roles as well. No one but you should see your Role until the end of the game.

Land: Land Cards are... Well. Your Lands. Each half of a Land will have some special attribute only the person in the Land can benefit from, or they may have negative effects or special events that require some sort of activation.

Loot: Your basic Item Rewards, everything from Classpects to Weapons and Consumables.

Treasure: Advanced Item Rewards, usually powerful and can change the tide of a game.

Action: Your basic Actions, these will allow you to stop other character’s Actions, buff or debuff enemies other people encounter, and do things like Prototype or Ascend to God Tier.

Miracle: Just like Loot have Treasures, Actions have Miracles. These may allow for some dramatic effects like un-prototyping something or spawning a boss.

Strife: These are encounter cards, they may have an enemy you have to fight/flee from, or they may have some immediate reward/debuff for exploring your Land.

Boss: Agents, Royalty, Denizens and the like.

Doom: Dramatic, Session-Wide Events. These will be flipped over because of Miracles, or after a set number of turns. Something like, something awfully powerful falling on a Sprite and buffing every enemy and the Royalty, Jack stealing the Ring and becoming the Boss instead of the Black Queen, and such. The Reckoning can be either set to appear after X number of Turns, or you could just draw Doom Cards until The Reckoning appears, at which point you’d have 5 Turns until the Tumor Detonates and ends the Game.

Now that the Card Types have been explained, lets continue with the Gameplay! The SBURB Board Game is divided into three distinct parts.

The Set Up

This stage is basically a preliminary round before starting the game so that everyone gets the cards they need to begin everything. In whatever order they want, the Players will take a Character and Role Card. Everyone can see the Character, but no one can see the Role, of course. Everyone will also pick either 2 Action Cards, or 1 Action Card and 1 Loot Card.

They will also have to take 1 Land Card and add it as one half of their Land Title. They may choose to have it one the first or second slot without restriction, except for the ‘Frogs’ part of the Land, which will always go at the End. Drawing the ‘Frogs’ Land also instantly makes your Aspect be the Space Aspect. Similarly, equipping the Space Aspect immediately makes your Land the ‘Frogs’ Land, no exceptions. If any event gets rid of your Space title, your ‘Frogs’ Land goes with it, and vice-versa, they’re linked cards and cannot exist separately. Unless there’s more than one Space Aspect card I guess? In which point... just one Frogs Land. I’ll see about that.

The number of rounds before the Reckoning, having or not having the Reckoning show up mandatorily, that’s still stuff I’ve got to work out when the game is in a more advanced state. Right now the idea is that every X rounds (5 maybe?) you flip over a Doom Card that makes your Session more and more fucked up, so if you want to win you’ve gotta hurry up.

The Bulk of the Game

This is the stage most of the action will happen in. Once everyone has the cards they need and they know their Role in the Session, the game is divided in Rounds. Everyone has 1 Turn per Round, in order, and they can do any and all of the following during their Turn:

Draw an Action Card: Self-explanatory, everyone draws an Action Card at the start of their turns.

Use an Action Card/Equip Loot: You may only Equip new items during your Turn. While some Action Cards are restricted to use in your Turn, there are other Actions and Consumables that will be labelled as Instantaneous. If someone, say, tries to attack you, you may use an Action Card that nullifies this Action and prevent the Strife. Or you may use an Instant Action that powers up an enemy someone’s Strifing at any point. The idea right now is that you can use any number of Instant Actions to respond to things happening to you outside of your Turn, but you can only use 1 Instant Action to directly affect another Player per Round. We’ll see how this goes though.

Buy: You may access the Consort Shops of your Land at any point during the game. If a Land has a bonus for the shop, only the owner of the Land can get the bonus. You may also spend your Currency to buy things for other people. You can buy a variety of things from the Shops- A Loot Card (At the cost of 5 Currency), Treasures (Exchanged for 5 Loot Cards), Miracles (Exchanged for 5 Action Cards), Gates (Bought for 10 Currency each. Until you have both halves of your Land Title, you can only buy one. They allow you to interact with the next Player and their Land, and work the same as in Homestuck- 2 Gates will let you access the Player 2 turns away, if you have 1 Gate and the next Player also has 1 Gate, you can effectively reach the Player 2 turns away too. You need 7, or the ability to fly, to go face the Denizen), Dersite Transportalizers (A one-time purchase for the whole Session, it costs 50 Currency and allows travel to Derse to face off against the Black Queen. Derse can also be accessed with Flight), the Genesis Machina (Only available for the Space Player’s Land. A one-time, 50 Currency Purchase too, representing the Frog Breeding, Battlefield Drill and the Grist Rigs to shoot the Hoards into Skaia. May be only available after Stoking the Forge? Still gotta parse how this would work), and the Alchemy Sigil (Each Sigil costs 10 Currency. It allows you to stack weapons and equipment on top of each other to become more powerful).

Explore your Land: You can draw a Strife Card and see what the encounter has in store for you. It may be a positive or negative effect, like falling down and getting damaged or finding loot randomly, but it could also be an enemy! If an Enemy appears, a Strife is initiated. So far the combat systems I have in mind is a simple dice roll. The enemies will have power and buffs from Sprite Prototypings, and you will have power from the equipment. Both you and the Imp roll a d8. Whoever has the highest roll + power deals 1 unit of damage. If the roll is twice someone else’s roll, you deal 2 damage. If it’s three times as high, it’s an instant KO, Overkill (To prevent low-level enemies from being a nuisance). Repeat the dice rolling until the Enemy or the Player are dead. I may have to make it be triple and then quadruple if I see that’s a bit too OP. You can also Flee at any point by taking 1 unit of damage.

Fight Another Player: If you can reach their Land, you can Fight another Player. But unlike a normal Strife, a Strife with a Player will be just a turn of a Strife, to prevent someone from immediately killing someone else at the start of the game. You can also likely not Overkill a Player, that may be unfair too.

And the Rounds keep going as people plan their next move- Maybe someone’s a Horrorterror Emissary that’s been helping their friends all game, but now that someone’s about to die they use an Instant Action to power up the Underling and get them killed! Or maybe the Space Player is a Lord English cultist and refuses to buy the Genesis Machina, forcing someone else to spend their hard earned Currency to buy it themselves so that the game can be completed! The idea is that, not knowing other people’s Roles, their Goals are obscured and you have to trust others or rely on trickery and betrayal to attain what you want.

By default, you can die Once, with your Dreamself counting as an Extra Life. Whether you have to be kissed by another Player or not to wake up as your Dreamself though, we’ll see if it’d make the mechanic dumb or not.

A few things of note: There are three special kinds of Action Card that may help make or break a Session.

Prototyping Action: Everyone loves Sprites in Homestuck! Prototyping Actions are required to Prototype your Kernelsprite. Your First Prototyping will affect the Underlings, your Second won’t- Unless someone plays a ‘Double Prototyping’ Action, which will have both Tiers affect Underlings and Royalty. The Sprite’s power is added to your Character’s Power, and they count as an Extra Life- If you die, the Sprite will sacrifice itself for you. I’m thinking you may also be able to toss a Dead Player in a Sprite, bringing them back into the game with the bonuses of whatever was prototyped, but we’ll see how viable is that. Using 1 Prototyping Card will let your Prototype some Loot in your hand, or take the first Loot card on the deck (That’s prototypable) and Prototype it. Using 2 Prototyping Cards will let you look at the first 5 Cards on the Loot Deck and choose which one you want to Prototype. It will also let you Prototype someone’s Sprite, as long as you can reach their Land, with a card on your hand. Using 3 Prototyping Cards will let you prototype a Treasure to any Sprite you can reach, including your own, or toss a dead Player into a Tier 2 Slot of any Sprite, effectively nullifying that Player’s Sprite but bringing the dead Player back into the game.

Terraforming Action: The same as Prototyping Actions, but for your Lands. Using 1 Terraforming Card will force you to get the first Land Card on the deck and use it to complete your Land. Using 2 Terraforming Cards will let you draw the first 5 Cards of the Land Deck and get whichever you want, or force the first Card of the Land Deck onto an adjacent Player’s Land. Using 3 Terraforming Cards will let you go through the entire Deck and choose the Land you want, or to force the First Land on the Deck on any Player’s empty Land slot.

Ascension Action: Similar to Prototyping and Terraforming, but for going God Tier. You can only use the Ascension if you’ve found and equipped a Class and an Aspect. Going God Tier will give you benefits listed on the Class and Aspect Cards, and Deaths to anything other than other Players or Bosses will simply end the Strife and keep you with 1 Health. Using 1 Ascension Card lets you ascend to God Tier, as long as you have an Extra Life to spare. Ascending will get rid of this Extra Life, of course. Using 2 Ascension Cards will allow you to Ascend in the Moon Crypt, letting you reach God Tier even if you don’t have Extra Lives. You can also use 2 Cards to bring a Dead Player to their Quest Bed- As long as you can reach their Land and they had 1 Life to Spare (This may be changed if the Kiss Mechanic is not implemented). Using 3 Ascension Cards will let you Ascend a Dead Player you can reach, even without the Spare Lives. You can also hold onto them after Death, and use the 3 Ascension Cards to get back into the Game after everyone thought you were Dead for good. If someone tries to loot your body, you may Ascend and prevent this from happening.

The Endgame

After messing around, betraying, Ascending and Descending and facing off against the bullshit your friends are pulling on you, the game will eventually End. There are Four Ways for the game to End.

Tumor: If the Reckoning happens and the Game isn’t won before it ends, the Tumor will detonate and end the Session. No Card or God Tier can prevent this. There may be a Miracle that lets you steal the Tumor though, at which point the Tumor will be a Hot Potato Bomb that will kill whoever’s holding it for good. I may not implement this if it’s too easy to get rid of the Tumor though.

Last Man Standing: The game may end if there’s only one Player left alive, and they decide to end the game then.

Everyone’s Dead: Likewise, if no one survives a Boss Fight and can’t come back in any way, the game obviously ends.

Successful Session: This should be the Ending most Players want to attain. The Black Royalty must’ve been defeated- The Black King to save the Battlefield, the Black Queen to get the Rings. The Genesis Machina must’ve been bought. And whoever is holding the Rings must have access to the Space Player Land, and be willing to toss them into the Forge. Only then will the Genesis Frog be created, and the Game end for good.

To face off against the Black Queen, you need the Dersite Transportalizer, or Flight. To face off against the Black King, you need to have defeated at least Half of the Denizens of the Session, either Strifing them, or doing their Choice, and maybe he can only be reached by those who are God Tier or have Flight? I will have to iron some stuff here.

To face off against the Denizen, you need 7 Gates, or Flight. With Flight or after getting 7 Gates, you may go confront your Denizen at any point during your Turn. This will count as ‘Exploring your Land’ and prevent you from Exploring. The first time you face against the Denizen, you will draw it from the Boss Deck to see what Denizen you have. You may choose to Fight him, to Do the Choice if you’re able to, or Leave. Leaving has no penalty except for certain specific Denizens, other than having wasted your Land Exploring this turn, so you can just visit your Denizen to know what you have to do in order to Choice their ass. Anyone can face off against anyone’s Denizen- But they cannot do their Choice.

Denizen Battles and Battles with Dersite Agents are 1v1s. Fleeing one of these Fights will always leave you with 1 HP- Unless you already only had 1 HP left, in which case you cannot flee (Or you will die).

The Black Queen and Black King fights are Session-wide, though. Everyone capable of Fighting them can choose to enter the Strife. These fights cannot be fled until either the Boss or everyone fighting the Boss is dead. Everyone will roll and add their power together to fight these Bosses. If even combining everyone’s power, the Boss rolls higher than them, whoever rolled the lowest (Multiple people in case of a tie) will get damaged.

Fighting Bosses, powering up enemies, refusing to fight certain bosses, attacking other players, hoarding Treasures and Miracles, drawing Doom Cards, the idea of the SBURB Game is to build up that sense of trying to win a Session and become Gods of their own Universe, while also adding the many ways a Session can go utterly and absolutely wrong, and with the card drawing being random, it really gives that sense that every Session is unique in their own way!

Obviously, once the Game ends, everyone rolls their Roles over, and check who won. Who knows, maybe the Lord English Cultist sabotaged the Session- But it was the Horrorterror Emissaries that managed to score higher. Or maybe the Session was won, just barely, but it’s the Megalomaniac that got everything to go just how they had planned, winning in the process. Or maybe it will be the Wildcard, who no one even knew what they were doing during the Game, who scored the highest just by being a whimsical asshole.

I’ve got a lot more to work on, and I don’t even know if it will be fun! But. Yeah these are the rules I have set up so far.

#Homestuck #SBURB #Board Game #Tabletop Game #Upd8 #Wakraya #Long Post #Longpost #Rules

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candy-crackpot · 6 years

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Hello! This may be random, but I wanted to ask for your advice because I really admire you and your work. I start college in August. Mind you, its just community college for a certificate, and hardly comparable to a degree. But I haven't been to a normal school since I was 12 (online school alum). I tend to love school and expect the most out of myself there. But I'm really nervous and self conscious and anxious. I've always had a fear of turning out to be stupid. Any advice overall for college?

It’s ok, school can be hard and asking for help is very courageous! I exactly get it what you mean, university experience is a lot different than high school, I really felt dumb for not succeeding but that was because I need to study different here. It is very humbling to be looked up on and relied on, thank you for your trust!

*sweats* I’m like one of the least qualified people to ask about adulting in any way because I slip up a lot of times, but I’ll try my best to help!

So, first lodgning. I don’t know if you’re going to go in from home, move to campus where you’d get a school-owner room or you will rent an apartment, but get to know your neighbours, some of your classmates, some of the upperclassmen. They can help you if you need something to get fixed or recommend a doctor and stuff like that. No need for huge in-depth chats just get their name and phone number in case you need help.

If you have troubles with socialising I’d recommend picking up some hobby that requires you go out and interact with people, even if just a bit. Art circle, sport, some club. It will be easier to connect because you already have something in common.

If there is some sort of opening ceremony, I strongly advise you go there. It can be boring but they relay important information about your future; your overall courses, the number of credits you need to achieve for your certificate, and if there are courses that if you don’t succeed you have to repeat a year because its the basis for other classes that you cannot apply to unless you meet the criteria.

Get to know where the student information centre/customer service is, they are the ones to help you if the system glitches, for example you can’t see a course that you must take on.

This is the other thing to look out for: classes that have other classes ‘built’ on them and forcus on passing those. Like for example, if you don’t succeed Anathomy I. you can’t go to Anatomy II, therefore your training gets longer unavoidably.

Schools usually have a recommended schedule for your courses and I say stick to that. You may be required to take extra classes in connection with your field, in my school I have ‘freely eligible courses’ that I don’t need at all, or ‘compulsorily eligible courses’ - which is like a list of 10 courses and you need to choose 3 of them for your diploma.

That being said, don’t overburden yourself! You might think professors are nice to newbies, which is a lie, many start their courses saying “60% of you will fail and/or dropout”, which is a terrible greeting and also a way of kicking out even more students because they seem to think that putting up the bar high is the way of good education. Take the amount of kredits recommended and don’t go taking up too much responsibilites too soon! This is a new environment, I say in the first year you do your best to grow used to the pace and if you feel you can do more, only then take up extra classes. I’d say don’t take up more than 3 classes for a day but really, draw the line at 4!

If you see that a certain class you wanted has no vacancy ask if there can be a raise. If it’s a compulsory class they must grant you place and if it’s not, you might be able to write a request to apply to the class. They won’t always allow it but it is worth to try.

Before class look at the themes you will be learning as well as the requirements for passing! When studying write a table of contents! It is much easier to study by sorting the knowledge into these “boxes” - you know how to connect them to your already existing knowledge and help you to find the hierarchy in all the informations.

Attend the classes and take notes! If the teacher uploads slides then print them and read them before class and take notes on it. Not only it has a greater chance to stick on you, the teacher might remember your face as someone who regularly attended and might go easy on you on exams.

Watch out for the professor’s reputation but also take it with a grain of salt! Like, if there is a teacher who is known to fail you for coloured hair than use some natural coloured dye! (I don’t know what right you have as students where you live but here the teachers are let very loose and can get away with a lot *sweats*) Teachers might be strict but not necessarily cruel, they can be very helpful as well! Write down the names of the teachers and the names and code of the courses and don’t hesitate to ask them stuff if you don’t understand.

If there are assignments or anything to do in exchange for finals sieze it! It might be a bit of a pain, but believe me, future you will be super grateful for you that you have one exam less!

Right after class, revise what you learned, it is scientifically proven that it sticks better! According to researches the most effective way to learn is repeated exposure, so look over the material right after class, then an hour later, then the next day, then a week later, then a month later. I think the proper name of this is Feyman technique if you want to look into it. I say you start revising stuff starting from the 4th week because you’re going to have to learn a LOT and cramming doesn’t work and will just stress you out.

Avoid all-nighters if possible, it takes 3 nights of good sleep to make up for a missed night. Keep a consistent sleeping schedule, it will leave you more refreshed and makes studying a lot easier. During sleep your memories and the stuff you learned are being processed, so don’t miss it!

For studying itself use the Pomodoro technique, there are apps all over, but the gist of it basically is to study intensely for 25 minutes, then have a 5 minutes break where you do something else. Get up and stretch, drink some water, get some healthy snacks then back to work.

Use the highlighter sparsely! It is true that colours help you remembering but if everything is coloured you won’t recall a thing. I’d say use it to highlight keywords and keep it to a maximum of a single sentence in a paragraph.

Find a good place to study. Your own room, the library, a coffee shop, anything. Your brain is wired in a way that it associates certain places with certain tasks. If you find a cozy corner in the library, it is easier to get yourself to sit down and learn even if you don’t feel like it because your brain is like “this is what this place is for”.

You might like to listen to music during studying, but don’t listen to music where someone is singing. Your brain will immediately try to process what is being told and it will divert your attention. If you need some music then opt for instrumental music and OST of movies/anime/series.

This is more of a background factor as well, but watch out for your nutrition and exercise. Take your meds! I know this sounds obvious, but many people forget about themselves in the heat of things. Besides that, have a creative outlet. It happens at times that you are overly involved in a topic and don’t understand a thing anymore. This is where you have to take a break, go out, do some creative stuff and later come back.

Your mental health is just as important as your physical one, don’t neglect yourself! There are going to be days when you feel utterly overwhelmed and out of control of the situation. It is absolutely ok to feel that way. Studying is hard, at times you need a break from it. At times you need someone to talk about it or ask for help. That’s perfectly ok. Don’t beat yourself up if you fail. Maybe you had a bad day and couldn’t recall anything. Maybe you were asked the stuff you don’t know as well. Maybe the teacher is a douche who fails everyone the first time just because. A failure won’t make you a failure. You can try again.

To keep all that organised I recommend you have a calendar or a bullet journal. Jot down the important dates and informations, plan out your day: when you go to classes, when you study, when you have some me-time.

This is all I know. Following studying related blogs can give additional info. Hope it helps! I wish you lots of success!

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violetsystems · 3 years

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#personal

It’s been awfully solitary lately. Not that that has really changed or anybody really expected it to. I’m still casually applying for jobs I never get a response back from. I’m almost finished with my taxes but still waiting to file them. I’ve spent about nine months in the dark wondering about a lot of things. The most pressing and annoying was financial. Wondering if I was going to be fucked come tax time is no longer an exhausting fear. I’ve been out of debt for the first time in my life since September. That doesn’t seem to matter much to people unless it’s to get me to spend more money. Most of my situation has been spent in isolation trying to keep it that way. I’m in a very different place than where I started back in July. I’m still expecting to not find a real job until after a full year has passed of being let go. That’s an awful thing to say in theory. Because my entire professional network has been dead and buried with only small signs of life. I’ve learned that nobody talks to you in this process. They expect you to reach out and reconnect with whatever matrix battery infrastructure social vampires are feeding off of these days. For me it hasn’t really been worth it. Broadcasting your moves all over the place regardless what they are never really helped my situation. It was me in the end who got up off the ground and kept walking. By all accounts I shouldn’t have been this accounted for. But my dad is a CPA and my mom did our taxes for years. So I figured out a horrifically complicated tax year and am over some sort of hump. This is what worries me about the next phase of everything. That we all come out of this thinking we’re still in this together. That we can just laugh and dance away the pain that’s healed over. That we can ignore the systemic problems that brought us to this point where I hear the word systems in every conversation and think it’s a projected message to me. The only secret messages I pay attention to is undying love and affection. Everything else is kind of a waste of my time when I don’t feel included in anything. There are reasons nobody can be direct anymore. Everybody seems to be balancing fifteen different narratives that divert so wildly from the main quest line that the world has become a free for all. I’d argue it’s always been that way. Whatever grand design or social experiment I’ve failed to be included in really just points to how lame people can be. If people can’t entrap you they’ll mine your past until they can find somebody who will. And lately because I’ve been more visible week to week with streaming, these rats seem to come out of the woodwork. Everybody thinking my next pivot in the rat race will be something they have the keys to. My future success and inclusion has already been prewritten. I’d argue in America it’s always been foretold. Chalk it up to the economics of the post war nuclear family. That’s how the rich make their money. Possibly too why we’re so obsessed with starting more wars. The American dreams is always something less than what I deserve to keep the powers that be happy. Whether that’s salary, opportunity, or place in the tiers of class that define what we can or cannot attain. People in communist countries have often complained about how the only way to advance was to go abroad for school or join the army. It’s not really that much different here in America. In fact, I’d argue these days it’s worse. There are entire career paths in America locked out by military service. The cybersecurity industry being one of them. And the jobs overseas are seemingly locked out due to class and who you know. The sons and daughters of generational wealth need to leave the nest. I’m supposed to get the message my place is somewhere else. A game of musical chairs in dead silence. And yet I haven’t been able to go anywhere for nine months. Not that I care about staying around the house for nine months. That’s good practice for making a baby I guess. They left an android on a planet for a whole ten years in Alien Covenant. Look at the mess that guy made.

I don’t really know what to do anymore. I was supposed wait for the light at the end of the tunnel. Which in some ways has happened. I’m due for my second shot of vaccine in a couple of weeks. My financial health is what it should have been years ago if I hadn’t spent my life helping and getting conned by other people. I don’t mind helping other people. It’s in my nature to be kind, gentle, genuine and all that mess. So much so that people’s constant punking and testing of my street level credibility has become a threat to my mental health. I don’t leave the house much anymore because everyone has been deluded into thinking they have full access to me. That I am some celebrity. Or I am some revolutionary threat that nobody can seem to touch. I don’t touch back. That’s been the biggest shit of this whole entire mess. I’d love to have a relationship. I’d love to continue on with my life. I’d love to go back and honor the last ten or twenty years of being a real human being by sharing that with someone. And for the most part, I believe that will happen someday eventually. Particularly with someone who understands the value of why I kept myself and things sacred. I don’t fuck with people at all out here. I never have. And it’s sort of ridiculous for people to draw their own conclusions as to why when nobody can be fucking bothered to ask my name. People I made music with and shared spaces with have gone ghost. My linkedin profile is dustier than this website when it comes to human interaction. The only people in my inbox have been bots, scams, and worse. Everybody has the trick in which to catch you off guard. And yet for all the time I spend protecting myself and staying vigilant, the rest of the world just acts like it’s yolo time. And yolo time will most definitely be this summer. When everyone can dance and sing. Celebrate our freedom from the virus. Party and forget the troubles they created. And I’ll just be out here wondering why everything is so fucking lame. There’s an entire year of exile that shouldn’t be called anything but. I’ve learned through writing here every week that persistence can be rewarding. But the audience here is different. People aren’t trying to be seen here. We’re trying to find shelter. This site as anonymous and dumb as it is acts like cover for many things we cherish. There’s an intimacy I’ve grown to love about being forgotten. It’s the fact that people are so self centered they are incapable of remembering you or your context. When you control your own narrative as a writer, you know when people read it. You know when you bleed your heart out and tell it like it is how people respond to it. People are threatened by the truth, so they libel and talk shit every chance they get. They’re afraid eventually that truth will come out of the well and shame them. And the truth is, that already happened with me. I just realized how little of my past really cared. It isn’t like I haven’t shared my thoughts on this. I’m sure whatever artificial intelligence scrapes my blog has learned how to sound genuine through me. But for some reason I can’t express that genuine feeling to anyone but a small, solid core group of people. Was it my intention to be seen? Was it my intention to fake it until I make it? How much do I have to do to not feel invisible anymore? How can you look so drastically different on paper financially and just be treated face value like a bum? How useless can you feel week after week when all people have ever done is copy you and say they’re better? We’re talking decades of this by now. There’s so many small things I’ve done that people think they’re better at. Nobody is better than me at being kind. I’d know. I wouldn’t have sat here and rotted by myself in pain for so many months. I’ve been left to my own devices when they don’t glitch out. Judging how I fix things before anyone understands there’s anything wrong, I’ll be ok. I can’t say the same for the rest of the world. Nobody will ever realize the deeper problem I deal with every day. And that fear of being alone isn’t a fear anymore. I’m more afraid of the liability of the fair weather friends society thinks I need to maintain to be normal.

My friends are pretty much here. The amount of emotional support I’ve received from just a click cannot be understated. I’m sure some of my friends are hidden behind complex onion layers of safety, duty, and worse. I never expected anything out of this other than connection and sanity. We come to these platforms because they are communities. Tribal tendencies exist in America because it’s easier to herd sheep together. Collect the wool into an IPO every one or two years to sell off to hide money that isn’t there. America has become a hall of mirrors sponsored by Enron-esque mark to market accounting. The jobs are there but no one is hiring for skill. They’re hiring on expectations how you fit into their complex balance sheet. They’re looking for leverage. I worked for a non profit for over two decades. Watching the Theranos documentary the other day explained it perfectly. The rich will double down on any investment if they believe they are doing a social good. And they’ll shower themselves with praise for it. Think Bill Gates saving the world from disease while selling VR to the military presumably for drone strikes. The rich definitely have a great PR campaign and all the tax loopholes to sustain it. But the reality is that much of that money never touches the people that really need it. The opportunities are scarce. The fight for them is fierce. And yet no one truly understands the value of anything other than money. The things that we are expected to do for a society that pretends we don’t exist. Shoveling the snow for our neighbors. Delivering packages to your door for months without a word. I have become more of a ghost than I would ever have realized. A memory people talk about and whisper to each other that haunts them in the flesh. An urban legend that people make fun of and secretly wish they could be. I can continue to be a ghost for pretty much the rest of the year. Waiting for someone to see my true value and point me into the life they think I deserve. As long as that life doesn’t overstep their protected and privileged space. This has never been a two way street. For all the good I try to do and above it all I try to be, the results are horrific. I live in a nightmare so vivid that my dreams are comical to me. I woke up from a dream that my mom was berating me to find a job. I speak to my parents on the phone every week. They don’t even mention it. It’s quite the opposite. I’ve beaten myself up for an entire year wondering if this is what everyone wanted. To break me down and neutralize me. To bring me down to a level where I was no longer a threat. And honestly I’m more free in the long run. People can’t figure out what to do with me. They can’t figure out where I belong in their complex web of lies, deceit and backstabbing. And I’ve carved out a small bulwark for myself. It’s like I live in a little cabin or shelter. Sanctuary from the fallout of greed. People can throw stones but they can’t get inside. Even if they did they’d find me and run away afraid to face the reality. And that’s where I sit week after week. Trying to find something that honors what I’ve been through. And that doesn’t really include some secret plot for me to play video games to an audience of two. One being the fbi agent and the other for the cia presumably. I’m joking of course. I’ve secretly realized that I’ve already made it and tell myself to stop trying so hard. I’ve tried hard to prove I’m something for years and I just keep on becoming more invisible. I’d be more worried if I didn’t recognize it for what it is. You disconnect from your past through growth. You outlast your competition. You stay resilient. And you wait for people to ask the right questions. And you can do that for a really long time as long as you budget yourself correctly. I’ve got a lot of runway to see these people choke on their own fumes. And I will win like I always do. It’s just some of these games are not worth playing when the odds are set up against you from behind the scenes. I’ve come the furthest without anyone knowing or caring to know who the fuck I am. Why fuck up a good thing? Especially when it’s there for you week after week. Year after year. One click at a time. The best things in life take their time. And I definitely don’t regret the time I spend here. Ok maybe some of the memes you people post. One person’s treasure is another one’s cringe. That’s what the scroll bar is for. <3 Tim

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