#I care that children are being manipulated into being consumers from a young age

[boysnberriespie]

There’s always something off putting about new internet memes and language* becoming serious discourse with real analysis (fine and normal, academics do it all the time) but people with no media literacy read those posts/essays and think that means anybody who says those things is brainwashed sheep. They’ve been analyzed and therefore there is something significantly wrong with them.

Can we not do neutral analysis anymore? Can nothing be interesting for its own sake? Must we be the arbiters of cultural value based on the next new substack essay and how we felt about it?

*not including the misuse appropriation of AAVE which is not what I’m thinking about in this moment, and while a connected discussion, isn’t necessarily the same thing as people coming up with corecore or even something like blorbo

[dshksh]

Francis Clara Censodoll: a brief analysis.

Mentions of abuse, manipulation, SA.

Let's begin with Censordoll's childhood: the main reason she is as twisted and damaged as she is. When Francis was an infant, her mother removed her ovaries. That was a tipping point in Censordoll's life. The reason for such a radical measure was never stated in the show, but there are a few possible motives.

Her mother might have been raped by Censordoll's father. As a result, she became overprotective of her (which would also explain why in the show Francis never mentioned the existence of her father. Her mother would not keep in touch with her rapist and would keep her daughter away from him, even if it means gaslighting her). Quite often, SA victims become obsessed with control and grow overprotective of their children to make sure their kids don't suffer their fate. Which might be just the case with this situation.

Another possible reason is her mother being a religious lunatic who wanted to make her daughter saint. Wanting just that, she stripped her off the possibility of having sex (since Censordoll can't have kids, from a religious perspective, she mustn't have sex whatsoever) making a Holy Mary out of her.

Therefore, Censordoll's mother took the choice of having children away from her, which created a power imbalance in a woman's head. An ability to choose was taken away from her at a really young age, which, as an adult, she actively tries to regain. This is where her obsession with control comes in.

Francis tends to dominate every single situation that she is in, wholeheartedly thinking that she is God, and has the right to choose what's right and what's wrong. She regularly takes advantage of the naïvity and confusion of Moralton citizens. They go picketing with her, not understanding what they are rebelling against, being pressured by Censordoll's dominant behavior. Every single person in Moralton is flawed and damaged, and the woman can clearly and quickly identify one's insecurity and use that for her own benefit.

Another group of people being heavily influenced by her are the Puppingtons.

Censordoll manipulates Clay by taking advantage of his Oedipus complex. She does that to influence his choices as a mayor, to influence Moralton the way she considers righteous. As the show would've continued, we would have seen Censordoll overpower Clay and basically become the actual mayor behind the curtains. In this turn of events, one could only wonder what would Moralton become with her in charge.

She manipulates Orel as well, exploiting his naïvity and innocence. She uses him as a unit for picketing and to completely take control over Clay.

And, lastly is Bloberta. Censordoll is one of the many to prove to her that she is a useless outcast. I could only speculate if making Bloberta feel useless in "Help" was a part of her plan to set Clay and Bloberta up. Maybe, somehow, she even influenced him to become the mayor. It might as well be that, considering how thoughtful she is. It would've been really interesting to see them interact more: Bloberta desperately wanting to be useful, and Censordoll feeding that need when it's convenient for her plans.

As for her obsession with eggs, it goes back to her not being able to have kids. Eggs are a symbol of fertility and eternal life. Interesting detail is her mostly being interested in almost raw eggs, which are the closest to being alive embryos. So, by consuming them, Censordoll might feel like she becomes complete(able to give birth) and has her female eggs again. As for internal life, she is keen on believing she is a God, so it's not big of a surprise there.

Moralton is a religious town(on the outside, at least) that cares very deeply about appearances and social roles. So here, the only available roles for women are a wife and a mother. Not being able to fit into these roles because of her infertility and an early menopause is something that can break a person and make them a social outcast. Yet, Censordoll manages not to break under that pressure and even becomes a person with a lot of power and authority. Still miserable and insecure inside, she keeps her facade up just like every single person in Moralton.

[tieflingtareon]

My love, are you the devil? (Oh, call me a devil)

Chapter 30 | Words: 7.3k

Summary: Astarion found himself often surprised by his heroic companion. He had one goal. To become the favoured companion of the group, to earn the Tieflings loyalty, to make Tar'eons strength his own. Yet Tar'eon isn't like the usual target of his manipulations. Despite his naivety, he does not seem gullible. There is something very wrong with their 'leader' to begin with. Astarion isn't sure if he wants to control it or eradicate the threat it posed. But can he really do either when Tar'eon himself seems so...unwaveringly kind?

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50668558/chapters/127995079

“What the Hells was that?” Astarion grabbed Tar’eons sleeve as the tiefling continued to walk down the hall, seemingly in a trance. “Stop and talk to me, dammit!” He hissed.

Tar’eon turned to him and opened his lips, but nothing came out. He didn’t know what to say.

“How long were you there…? How much did you hear?”

“Enough.” Astarion scowled. “He had quite the coronation.” His skin still felt tight from the thunder wave the man had downed him with. He hadn’t been expecting it — he felt like a fool, being caught off guard so easily, and that burned more than any wound.

“How much did you hear, Astar?” Tar’eon begged for him to speak plainly and Astarion frowned.

“…You were taking too long. I came up the stairs around the same time he was being ordained. Hells, you even gave your blessing. I didn’t hear much before he was manhandling you.” Astarion gritted his teeth. “If you were so desperate for another lover you could have asked, darling, no need for secrets.” He drawled.

“It’s not like that.” Tar’eon sighed, rubbing between his brows. His headaches were only getting worse as time went on. He hated this. He needed to kill Orin and get this Urge sorted out. “It’s— I’ll explain everything tonight, okay?”

“You always say that! You always say you’ll explain later, and then it’s like pulling teeth from a feral animal, the way you refuse to tell me everything. I tell you almost everything, I let you know it all, and it’s like you don’t care to give me the same courtesy. We’re in this together, Tar’eon. Or should I call you ‘Tir’yal’?”

“Please don’t. You…you’re pronouncing it wrong anyway.” Tar’eon grimaced.

“Apologises, but it’s not every day that you learn your lover has another name they never bothered to tell you about. I haven’t exactly had time to practice it.” He glowered, crossing his arms.

“It’s — Look, that name is my infernal name. I was given it by my- my father, I think.” Had Bhaal ever bothered to name him? Or had he been raised outside of the temple until a certain age? Who took care of him when Father couldn’t? His butler? He couldn't remember anything of his childhood outside that young man, no older than twenty, with white and black hair, burns streaking across his face, black ink consuming half his features. The face the Emperor had stolen to gain his trust.

“Not all tiefling’s have infernal names — depending on where you’re from, a lot of parents will stick with more humanoid names for their children so they fit into society better. 'Tar’eon' is how I get by easier without people turning their noses up at the introduction of a foulblood.” He explained. “If you have both an infernal and a common name, it’s typical for only fellow tieflings or fiends to use it, and only those you’re close with for that matter.”

“From what I’ve seen of him, Lord Gortash doesn't have an ounce of devil blood in him, so why can he call you that, hm?” Astarion quirked a brow, looking unimpressed.

“Because…I don’t know. He knows the language, maybe, and my past self…let him call me that.”

“Yes, you were close in the past. I figured as much.” Astarion sneered.

“Don’t. Don’t judge me for things I can’t remember. For the person I don’t know.” Tar’eon narrowed his eyes. “You think this is easy for me? Karlach hates Enver for all the right fucking reasons and I’m the one stuck here, bargaining with him to benefit this team, knowing how upset she’ll be with me."

"You even call him Enver, Gods-"

"We need his Steel Watch with us, not against us. Not if we want to go through the city freely and find Orin. We can't get on his bad side."

“Orin this, Orin that — you’re so bloody obsessed with her! Why? Because she calls you her kin?”

“Because she’s the reason I remember none of it!” He snapped, hands fisted at his sides. “She’s the reason I’m here, she’s the reason I’m floundering through life, and she mocks me every step of the way! I have never felt more justified in killing someone before for the sake of myself, and I cannot wait to sink my knife into her back like she did to me.”

Astarion stared him, expression blank.

“…I understand. Betrayal - it twists something ugly inside you and it can only be sated by revenge. I won’t deny you the pleasure of your kill. But you’re keeping secrets from me, and I know it. I only hope you come clean sooner rather than later.” Astarion walked past him and Tar’eon deflated with a sigh.

“I promise you; everything. All of it. I will tell you all of it tonight.”

“I hope you keep that promise, for both of our sake's. I don't see the point in sharing myself with someone who shares nothing back.”

Tar’eon pursed his lips. Some things were best left unsaid…but he meant it. He would tell Astarion everything about where he came from tonight. He’d tell all of them.

****

Mizora's words rang in his ears as he made his way up the stairs to the office above. He may lack a stone, but he was willing to take his chances. This wasn't his life on the line - it was Wyll's fathers. He needed to remain one step ahead of the devil.

Casting invisibility on himself and leaving his party behind so suddenly would probably only anger them more, but he did not have the energy to fight them after Mizora's promise of a visit. He wanted to make this conversation quick and return as soon as possible.

He stood outside the office, heart in his throat as he hesitantly opened the door, surprised to find it without a lock, the wood giving the faintest creak. Stepping inside, if felt like stepping into a different life. Something that didn’t quite fit his skin anymore, but still it felt strangely like the nostalgia that came with a childhood home. It wasn't the room itself that was familiar, but the air. He looked around curiously and his eyes widened when he saw Enver.

He didn’t know what he was expecting. Perhaps an array of guards in a dingy office that lacked much natural light, but there was nothing. The room was far more spacious compared to the memory of before, brighter, but still as messy from what he saw on the table, piled in books and maps and empty ink pots, discarded broken quills scattered across the wood. Tar'eon walked further into the spacious area, looking around for Enver, only to find him tucked away at a desk in the corner of a room, partially hidden by a large bookshelf. The smaller space felt a lot more like home than the open area of grandeur.

Enver himself…wasn’t awake. He was sleeping, back to him. He was sitting in his office chair, a leather bound chair held together with cherry red wood, his head propped up against the knuckles of his fist, eyes closed. His other hand laid on the desk, a quill between his unarmoured fingers. He hadn’t considered it before, but the design was likely purposeful so he could still write comfortably. Being a Lord, and now an Archduke, he probably wrote a lot. There was a stack of papers beside him as evidence.

Slowly, he approached, taking in the small space caved out in the large office. It smelt like dust and parchment, and the air felt like static energy about to zap him. Tar’eon wouldn’t have noticed it if he hadn’t been hyper vigilant to magical barriers. Enver had warded himself against being surprised if seemed. A good choice, considering who he was. When he said he had many enemies, he wasn’t lying.

Tar’eon pushed past the barrier, waiting for the man to react, to wake, but he did not rouse. Slowly, he came to his side and laid a hand on his shoulder, shaking gently. He heard a click, and he was slammed into the desk before he could even react, caught off guard by the others quick reflexes. There was a clatter, a ghostly mage hand stealing his blade before he could even think to reach for it, the edge of the mahogany desk pressing uncomfortably into his back, his legs barely holding him up at the awkward angle. He grunted.

He felt something sharp against his throat and held his breath, seconds ticking by as Enver’s dark eyes pinned him down just as efficiently as his forearm against his chest. The clatter he heard had been his cane. He was gripping the golden handle, a dagger hidden within reach at all times. It wasn’t just for decoration or an old injury - it was a weapon. The perfect weapon for anyone attempting to sneak up on him. He should have been scared - but something about this scene felt strangely familiar, like deja vu.

“I tire of your games, Orin. Or are you one of her shifters?” Enver’s voice was cold, calculated, and it was far different from the warmth he had spoken to him with earlier.

“It’s me — I’m not one of her goons, I promise.”

“If it’s actually you, then I apologise.” Enver’s knee dug into his hip, grinding against bone as he pressed his elbow to his throat so he could pull up his sleeve. Tar’eon grunted, fighting against his hold, but the mage hand had a grip on his hair, keeping him in place.

A hot, sharp pain burned through his forearm as the blade sliced through flesh — it wasn’t a surface cut either. He felt it dig into muscle, and he clenched his teeth with a long, drawn out growl. Enver watched him closely for a long moment, blood spilling onto his desk alongside the ink pot Tar'eon knocked over, the cool ink staining his hair, neck and ear.

Then, he released him as quickly as he had pinned him, the mage hand disappearing. He wiped the dagger against his pant leg is a movement that reminded him of Astarion, slipping the blade back into the length of his cane, clicking it into place.

“You have no idea how many times her goons have used your likeness, Tir’yal. Thankfully, most of them cannot keep your form without much needed concentration, but I can break it to reveal beneath the mask. It can be a...bloody process, I'm afraid. So you’re either you, or Orin. Orin doesn’t react to pain the same way that you do though. She enjoys it too much — and put on the waterworks.” Enver sat back with a grunt, tired eyes on the tiefling who placed a hand over his wound to stifle the blood. "You've never been much of the tearful type when it comes to pain."

“What a friendly welcome.” Tar’eon bit out.

"Please, this is hardly the first time I've stabbed you. Wouldn't be the first time you've stabbed me either, if you're feeling daring."

"Why...did I stab you before?" Tar'eon frowned and Enver chuckled, pulling out his desk drawer and reaching into it, tossing a roll of bandages to him. Tar'eon barely caught it, grimacing at the blood he got on the white bandages.

"Plenty of reasons. You never tried to kill me though. I dare say you were the only person who didn't want to. We had a mutual respect for each others strengths."

"I'm rethinking not killing you." Tar'eon huffed and sat on the edge of the desk, wrapping his bloodied arm up with a shaky hand. It fucking hurt. Enver hadn't given him any mercy in his 'test', but Tar'eon refused to give him grief over it. "You need to work on your barriers. If I could get past it without you waking, I'm sure Orin could too."

"She can't." Enver assured.

"You didn't wake when I passed through it. Obviously, your warding needs improvement." He tightened the bandage and grimaced, tucking it into itself. He wiped his bloody hand off on his pants.

"You're the only one who can pass through." Enver looked at him like he was stupid. "I've used these wards for quite some time. My office is where I spend most days and nights. Only people with no 'ill intent' can pass through undetected. I've never had anyone but you pass that requirement. Though, it did take half a year before it stopped detecting you." He smirked.

"I..." Tar'eon frowned. He wasn't sure how to feel about that. "We...really were close, weren't we?"

Enver actually laughed.

"The closest." Enver smirked. "I knew your secrets, and you knew mine. Of course, we couldn't speak of certain things because it would be a betrayal to Bane or your Father, Bhaal, such as the temples location, but...when it came us," He gestured to himself and then Tar'eon. "We were well read books to each other."

Suddenly, his smile fell, expression impassive as he pursed his lips.

"Though, I notice you're lacking carnage, blood, and a stone. I have faith in your brutality, but not even Orin is that swift. It hasn't even been an hour from my guess." Enver did not seem pleased.

"This isn't about the stone. I..." He gritted his teeth. "I need a favour. Or, I'm making an offer. A negotiation. For the future of our alliance."

Enver sat further back in his chair, watching Tar'eon. Examining the tightness in his muscles, the stiff way he sat on the desk. He was anxious. Interesting. He slowly clinked each finger against the arm of his chair, sharp metallic nails a satisfying sound against pristine wood.

"After your fanged friend attacked me in my own home? After you barged into my office and disturbed my rest? Staining my new desk while you were at it." Tar'eon could feel how thin the man's patience was becoming. "You certainly have guts...I would think you stupid if I didn't know you were the opposite. I will allow this impertinence. But only once."

"You've been fairly honest with me, so I will be honest with you." He forced himself to meet his eyes, refusing to look away as he spoke. "I don't fear your Steel Watch. If I wanted to, I could kill Orin, and then you, and it would be no sweat off my back. I have a wizard prodigy, a githyanki warrior, a solider who served in the Hells for ten years, a rogue who can get anywhere and pick his way through any lock, a warlock apt in the blade, two clerics who don't mind a little blood, a high Harper, a fierce druid, and the child of a Goddess. I do not fear you. My agreement with you if because you're useful...and because it seems my past self cared for you quite a lot."

Enver remained quiet, but his eyes were burning with something. It wasn't anger though.

"Those are just the people who travel with me. I have even more allies all over this city. I could kill anyone who got in my way. But I don't want to kill you. That is the honest truth."

"I'm hurt, you said I'd make a pretty corpse once. That I'd be your final grand murder before the world turned to ash." Enver drawled. "I know you have no intention to kill me, not yet anyway, or you wouldn't have gotten past my wards. Get to the point before I decide to make mince meat of your camp."

"...I could killed anyone. Except Mizora." He admitted. "Her fate is linked to my companions. He was only seventeen when he made the deal, but he did it for the sake of his home. The very home you are now sworn to protect. He's a good man. Wyll Ravenguard."

Enver's eyes lit up, sitting up straighter.

"Oh. The son of Ulder Ravenguard. I see. You're making a deal on his behalf."

"I am." Tar'eon sighed. "I managed to convince Mizora to let Wyll free of his pact in six months time. She knows how much he loves his father, estranged or not. That man respects him so much, even when he sent him away from the home he protected while he was gone." He shook his head. "He was a kid, and his father made him out to be a monster, and then told him to leave the only home he'd ever known. The home he become a monster to save. I might not like him, but Wyll loves him."

Tar'eon couldn't understand how Wyll didn't resent him, but the man told him resentment was something he never wanted to hold onto as a person. It was a weight, and Wyll was not looking to be tied down to it. He grew up with Ulder, and he assured Tar'eon that being unable to tell him about the pact only made it seem like he was inviting the devil into his home. Something he couldn't allow as a Duke.

He chose being a Duke over being a father in Tar'eons eyes, but his opinion didn't matter. Wyll's did.

"I know you intend to get rid of him. He's a threat to your status. But by Gods, if you harm him, I will destroy your Watchers until it is metal scraps beneath my feet. I will turn the people against you. I will tell them everything, show them everything. Even if it means damning myself with you."

"You want me to keep a threat to my ruling around? Our ruling?" Enver barked a laugh. "You never did understand the intricacies of politics, my dearest."

"I won't ask you to free him of the tadpole's command. I know you'd never agree to that. All I ask is that you keep him in your fortress, unharmed, and far away from Mizora's hands or any prison you might think about letting him rot in."

"And what am I to get out of this deal?" Enver challenged, gesturing with one hand for Tar'eon to speak, to offer up something that would make any of it worthwhile.

"That's where we negotiate. Name your price for Ulder Ravenguard's life."

"Well, you've already agreed to get Orin's stone for me, so I'm not sure there's anything else I could want from you." Tar'eon was certain this man had been raised by devils, the way he spoke. Every word felt deliberate, yet suave, twisting it around on the desperate soul to get what they wanted.

"No enemies you want me to kill?"

"Unless you plan on going to the Hells yourself." Enver chuckled.

"I can see about it." Tar'eon offered. "We might have a couple common enemies, you and I. Name your devil, and I'll have them killed." Enver actually looked like he might be considering it, golden talons scratching along his jaw.

"...An old friend of mine. Nothing as formidable as Zariel or Mephistopheles, and not your lovely devil mistress, Mizora. His name is Raphael. If you manage to kill him, I'll consider keeping Ulder Ravenguard alive."

"You will. If I kill Raphael for you, you will keep him alive. No conditions. I kill him and he lives." Enver tutted and leaned back in his chair, watching Tar'eon closely. He beckoned him closer with two fingers, and Tar'eon hesitated before standing, stepping closer, the toe of his boot nudging Enver's. Enver reached up and grasped his either side of his jaw with one hand, tugging him down to meet his dark gaze.

"You know, I've missed you. It's almost fun, knowing you don't remember our time as partners in crime. I'd like nothing more than to show you how well he worked together." Tar'eon swallowed and Enver smirked. "Kill Raphael, and return to me with his horns in tow. I'd like to make them into paperweights. And don't forget Orin's stone, either. Once you have both of those...you will join me for dinner." Tar'eon pursed his lips.

"If you're asking me to spend the night with you, the answer is no. I have a lover. I'm not willing to ruin what I have with Astarion for a one night stand. Raphael's horns and Orin's stone, and that's it."

"And dinner." Enver smiled. "That's non-negotiable if you want Duke Ravenguard to get my utmost hospitality and sanctuary."

Tar'eon gritted his teeth, his heart skipping a beat as the hand on his jaw lowered to throat, holding it just as gently as he had in the memory. Like he was cradling his life in his hand, and enjoying it thoroughly.

"And maybe...you can play for me again." Tar'eon sucked in a sharp breath, berating his body for reacting to those words. He knew instinctive that playing for Enver was more than just music to them both.

"...Fine. Dinner, and maybe a song. Happy?"

"Very. You're quite good at this - negotiations. In future though, I think I'll take the lead." Enver smirked and released his throat. Tar'eon stood straighter, thankful for the mans human hearing compared to Astarion's vampiric hearing, or else his excitement would be far too noticeable for his liking. That cleared up one thing at least. Their previous relationship had definitely been sexual, if nothing else. His body remembered its own cues far too well. He couldn't tell if there had been any real love between them; perhaps it simply wasn't possible back then, living the lives they did. The only love they could truly have was for their Gods.

"Now go. I'm a busy man. If you return empty-handed again, consider our alliance mute." He warned and Tar'eon nodded sharply, making to leave the room as swiftly as possible, barely past the table when Enver spoke again, eyes focused on the papers in front of him, quill in hand. "Oh, and Tir'yal? If you happen upon a warlock by the name of Nubaldin in your journey...Give him a good kick for me, would you? Tell him it was under the orders of Archduke Enver Gortash."

Tar'eon raised a brow before nodding silently, making his way out of the room. When he joined his party back at the bridge to the Lower City, Astarion was gone. Jaheria looked rather unimpressed by his return, as well as Shadowheart.

"I can't believe you left like that without telling us. Where on Toril did you go?"

"I was securing Duke Ravenguard's safety. From the way Mizora spoke, I wasn't chancing wasting any time with a fight if the lot of us went back inside. It was easier to make myself invisible and try my hand alone."

"You could have gotten yourself killed." Jaheria scowled. "Do not act so rashly next time. If we are to work together, I expect some communication at the very least. A toddler could manage that."

"I'm sorry. Where's Astarion?"

"He left. Threw a fit at your disappearance and said he was going back to camp for the day." Shadowheart didn't seem to disagree with the vampires actions. She looked rather annoyed by his vanishing act too. "You managed to secure the Dukes safety, how?"

"I struck another bargain. I knew he wouldn't hand him over to us - but I managed to make him agree to leave the man unharmed in the Fortress. Away from Mizora, or any jail cell."

"And what exactly did you offer that slimeball of a politic?" Jaheria quirked a brow.

"...I told him I'd kill Raphael."

"You what?" Shadowheart's eyes widened. "You expect us to kill Raphael? He'd hardly allow it."

"The last we saw of him, he's in the brothel. Alone. It wouldn't be a hard feat if we put our muscle into it, I'm sure. He's not untouchable."

"We cannot expect to defeat a devil without leverage." Jaheria shook her head. "We must find his weakness before we decide to strike."

"She's right. If Gortash wanted him dead, and it was as easy as taking his head, he would have sent his Steel Watch to do so the moment Raphael came into the city." Shadowheart warned. Tar'eon frowned but considered her words.

"Fine...He'll keep his end of the bargain as long as I deliver the stone and Raphael's head in time. We won't strike today. Let's explore the city first, and hope we stumble upon something helpful. A weakness."

"You're out of your mind..." Shadowheart shook her head. "I'm not happy about your deal with Gortash. Not after everything he did to Karlach. But I see the benefits of it; I'll be hunted enough as it is by any Sharrans in the city. We don't need the Steel Watch drawing attention to us too."

"Sometimes you must walk amongst the filth in order to rise above it. I won't say I haven't played the long game before to my advantage. It is sometimes necessary to avoid battle until battle must be done." Jaheria crossed her arms. "Let us go. There is still plenty of daylight to guide us. We shall see to Mizora and her tricks this evening."

Tar'eon nodded sharply.

"Thank you...both of you. I know I've put you both in a position you're not comfortable with. I really am trying to do what's best for us though. We won't have to skulk around the city now; we can walk freely, and hopefully, find this Minsc you speak of and the victims."

"You are our leader. You've helped me through perilous fights and being by your side has given me the chance to live my own life. If it weren't for you, I might still be stuck in that pod, without the woman I've come to care deeply for. You're always trying to do the right thing. I trust you, even if I may not like some of the decisions you make." Shadowheart gave a small smile. "Come on. Jaheria is right. We've spent enough time chatting. We have to-be-victims to find. Preferably before they're dead."

"Agreed. Let's go." Tar'eon turned to his left, almost expecting Astarion to be there, but he knew he wouldn't be. He pursed his lips. He only hoped Astarion would forgive him once he explained everything properly. There was more pressing matters at hand right now.

He would find Bhaal's cultists, his temple, and he would spill carnage in the form of his dearest blood kin.

****

It was already dark when they made it back. They had managed to find a few victims - some deceased and some alive - but no direction to Orin just yet.

"Wyll!" Tar'eon called out as he jogged up to the warlock who was chatting with Gale, Yenna beside the wizard and petting her cat Grub as she listened intently to their conversation.

"Tar'eon?" Wyll looked up in surprise and smiled. "Your lot are back rather late; dinner will need to be heated, but nothing a little magic can't manage."

"Mizora, she's-" Before he could explain, a ring of fire fell before them, Gale snatching Yenna up quickly and shielding her behind him, Yenna's head peeking her head out from behind, Grub shivering in her arms and mewling in terror. Like he knew something was deeply wrong with the creature before him.

"What in the Hells?!" Gale glared at the woman as she spoke an incantation, more fiends coming to appearing from the Hells, dressed in similar attire. Gale sidestepped a ring of fire and shooed Yenna off towards Jaheria's tent, the Harper ushering her inside as she drew her blades, waiting for a fight.

"You always have to arrive in style, don't you, Mizora?" Astarion drawled, arms crossed over his chest, Karlach beside him, burning red hot at the sight of the devils, fingers gripping tighter around her greataxe. Shadowheart's hands glowed with the faintest light, a radiant beam of magic ready to be dispelled at any given moment, Aylin and Isobel at her back. Even Halsin looked on edge, Scratch and the Owlbear cub behind his large frame, Lae'zel watching idly from beside him.

"Meet my sisters," Mizora grinned. "Be my testament, sisters!" Tar'eons stomach churned as she spoke infernal and they repeated her words in agreement. To think the Sisters of Justice would join them this evening - Mizora was hear to bargain with Wyll once more, and he knew it.

"Holy hells..." Wyll breathed.

"Please, introduce me to your sisters." Tar'eon narrowed his eyes.

"Feena, Cirrus." Mizora gestured to each sister. "Arbiters for the Hells, exemplars of justice."

"Enough games, Mizora- ugh!" Wyll held his head as Tar'eons tadpole squirmed, the images of his father in the coronation and Mizora's words to him crashing into his own mind. "Shit. Where did Gortash send my father? How do I save him?" Tar'eon pinched the bridge of his nose. His headache had grown tenfold after the connection. Enough for Mizora to speak before him.

"Sisters." Mizora gestured the sisters chanted, allowing Mizora to present the contract before them all. "Your contract, Wyll. Signed in blood, forged in fire, bound in bone - but...not unbreakable."

"Then break it already." Tar'eon glared. "Wyll doesn't need to wait six months to regain his freedom when you already swore it."

"He'll want to hear this offer though." Mizora smirked. "I'm proposing a life for a life. No contract is ended without sacrifice. The cost must be paid." Wyll sneered at the devil at the sisters flames only grew brighter, ready to hear his answer to the contract and set it in stone. Tar'eon couldn't let this happen.

"Wyll Ravenguard. A choice is before you." It was hardly a choice, and she knew it. "Option one, I show you a way to your father. I guarantee him no harm except that from you and your allies. And you pledge your soul to me and the archdevil Zariel in a pact eternal."

"Don't listen to her, Wyll." Karlach interjected. "There's no use reasoning with devils."

"Option two," Mizora glared at the barbarian. "I break your pact, and you are freed from your duty. Your father dies by his enemy's hand, and Baldur's Gate loses its greatest champion." She grinned at Wyll, knowing she had made the choice near impossible for him. "Name your sacrifice."

"Mizora, you arsehole." Wyll looked angrier than Tar'eon had ever seen him before.

"Choose."

Gale stepped forward, cautiously looking upon the warlock who struggled to make a choice. How could he? To damn his father for his own sake? To damn himself to being a dog on a leash for the rest of his days? To serve the woman who made Karlach's life hell? It was impossible. He either forfeited the life of the father he loved or forfeited his own. By Gods, he did not want to live a life of torment under Mizora's boot any longer, but what choice did he have? It was his father, the man he respected above all else.

"Wyll..." Wyll looked at Gale, the wizard looking almost as lost as he felt. He shook his head softly at Wyll. "Don't do it. Don't give up your freedom for a man who abandoned you when you needed him most. I know you love your father, but his time has passed. The future - the city - it will be passed on to you. I cannot see anyone else doing a finer a job as you would in his stead. Let the past go, and look to the future."

He offered his hand to Wyll, who's eyes burned with the desire to cry. He hadn't felt so despicable since the night he was banished from the only home he ever knew. He wanted to live, dammit. But could he live with himself if he left his father to rot under Gortash's hand?

"I..."

"Break the pact, Wyll." Tar'eon spoke up and Wyll looked at him in surprise. Tar'eons eyes burned, begging the other man to trust him. "Break it. You deserve your freedom."

Wyll looked between the two men, to the companions around him, and he knew his answer before he spoke it. It felt like a knife ripping through him, stomach to sternum, the weight of his decision unbearably heavy as he took Gale's hand and squeezed hard.

"You damned wretch. Father..." He prayed that he would forgive him. In the end, he was the monster who would end his reign over the city, just like he'd always feared. But he would make things right. He would stand in his place and lead the city to glory one day, and make it up to the man, even if he never forgave him.

"Do it. Break the pact."

"Fiat ita." The sisters chanted the same, and in a flash, the contract was burned away to nothing, the Sisters of Justice leaving the mortal plane. "Didn't think you had it in you. Seem's my boy's all grown up. And don't go fussing about your father. You made your choice, you knew the terms...You know what? I think I'll stick around. Not for the greater good, you understand. Just for the entertainment."

She vanished into flames but Tar'eon knew she would linger somewhere nearby. His stomach was hot with anger, but there was relief too. Wyll bowed his head in shame, eyes closed as Gale drew him into his shoulder. The warlock grasped at him like a lifeline. He was free. But at the cost of his father's life. The camp was quiet, a shared mourning between them all for Wyll's sake, even as some companions moved away to give him some privacy.

Tar'eon rested a hand on his shoulder and Gale looked at him with sad eyes, Wyll pulling away with a bitter twist of his lips.

"I spent seven years choked by Mizora's leash. I spent seven years hoping to break free. I never knew freedom could taste so bittersweet."

"You are your own man now, Wyll. It's better this way." Gale insisted, squeezing his shoulder. Wyll sighed.

"I have to believe that. I'm not the Hells' puppet in life, nor its warrior in death. The Blade will be guiding his own hand." He made to stand taller, but his shoulders were quick to fall again. "But freedom will be paid in my father's blood. Tomorrow, I celebrate my gain. Today...I mourn my loss." There's a moment of silence between them all, Gale's hand travelling up Wyll's back and gently squeeze the nape of his neck, a reassurance that he was not alone.

"The Ravenguard name now lives solely with me. I will make it count for something."

"You will make a great Duke. You will carry the same name, but the legacy will be even more grand once we eradicate the Absolute and the brain." Wyll spared Gale a small smile at his attempt at comfort, his horn bumping gently against the man's temple.

"Check on Yenna. She must have been frightened."

"We will speak later, okay? You're not alone."

"I know. I know that all too well." Wyll pressed a gentle kiss to the wizards cheek before Gale left his side. He sighed. "Thank you. For helping me steel my resolve. Even if the weight of my decision lays heavy on me tonight."

"You trusted my opinion on what was best for you. That in itself is a great honour, Wyll." Tar'eon fiddled with the bandage peeking out from beneath his armour, tucking it away. "But this isn't the end for your father. Mizora likes to talk of reading the fine print, but I'm afraid I was one step ahead of her this time." He smiled.

"What do you mean?"

"Your father is still at the Fortress. Under strict orders to be unharmed. I...struck a deal with En- Gortash."

"You bargained with Gortash?" Wyll's eyes widened.

"You bargained with Gortash?!" Tar'eon turned around to look at Karlach, her expression shattered by the betrayal, anger quickly morphing onto her face. "You better explain yourself, solider, or the next devil on my kill list will be you."

"Now, now, no need to get violent, Karlach." Astarion smoothly stepped between her and Tar'eon, casting a glare to the male tiefling. "He will be explaining many things tonight."

"I'm sorry, Karlach." Tar'eons heart seized at the hurt in her eyes. "But I did it for us. All of us."

"Bullshit! What could he have offered to make dealing with that slimy arsehole worth it?"

"His Steel Watch is all over the city. Unless we can find a way to shut them down, we won't get far. He's offered us a pass, free reign around the city, and the Duke's safety. I made a vow - we do no harm to him, he does no harm to us. For now, he's our ally."

"So that's it?" Karlach laughed, not with humour but with irony of it all. "I can't even fight you on it. Free reign, and Wyll's father kept alive? It'd be cruel of me to deny you your family, or our friends safety." Karlach looked at Wyll and shook her head, turning away from Tar'eon. "I'm never the priority anyway. Not unless I'm smashing skulls."

"Karlach, that's not true. You're so much more, and if I saw any other way, I would have discard the deal instantly. But we need to find Orin, get her Netherstone, and stabilise the brain, or we'll all be turned into illithids. You'll be a slave to a new master, we all will. The whole Coast."

"Promise me, the moment we don't need his 'protection' anymore...we'll kill him. He deserves to die after everything he's done to me."

"I..." Tar'eons mouth went dry. He always kept his promises, or at least, he tried. "He knows where the brain is. We won't be able to find it without him. When the dust clears, and the brain is no more...You can do as please." He bit the inside of his cheeks. Astarion was watching him, gaze scrutinising.

"How noble. Choosing your new friend over an old flame." Astarion mused and Tar'eons heart stuttered, eyes widening.

"You- what?" Karlach turned to Tar'eon in shock. "What is talking about?"

"I...Astar." Tar'eon narrowed his eyes at the vampire. "That wasn't your right to tell."

"Someone has to be spilling your secrets, or you never will." Astarion glared right back. "I think it's about time we gather around the fire and have a long talk about whatever you're hiding from us." Tar'eons tail wrapped around his ankle, his giveaway. Astarion glanced down at the action and Tar'eon cursed himself. This whole time, Astarion had known when he was omitting the truth, all because of his subconscious habit. The vampire leaned in close and took in a deep breath, closing his eyes.

"I can smell him on you. Your blood, the lingering magic on your skin, and the ink that stains it is unlike any common brand - it all lingers under the blood of shapeshifters. I'm not stupid."

"He attacked me in his office when I made the deal for the Duke's life - he thought I was Orin." Tar'eon insisted. "He's my past, he's not present or my future, Astar. Let it go. You know how much I love you." Was Astarion really that jealous?

"You- you and Gortash knew each other?" Karlach looked like she had been punched in the solar plexus. "Why didn't you tell me? I- I trusted you when I told you about him. Everything he did to me - did you even care?"

"Of course I did! I didn't bring you to the coronation because I didn't want you to be forced into a room with him again. I understand your anger, Karlach, I do, I feel it every time I see Orin, see the woman who scrambled my brain and ruined me, betrayed her own brother, stripped me of my memories, of all the truths I deserved!" Tar'eons chest rose and fell rapidly, panting through the intensity of his emotions. His eyes burned, the confessions tumbling from his lips regardless of his previous resistance to admitting his secrets.

He didn't care if they could all hear him.

"You have no idea what I'm going through right now. You have no idea about every time I'd held myself back from splitting skulls and choking the life out of all of you! You're my friends, the people who trust me to lead you into battle and come out unscathed, and every day I had to live in disgust and contempt with myself because no matter how much I love you all, I want to bathe the camp in a river of blood!" Karlach stumbled back in shock, Wyll's own eyes wide. He heard the unsheathing of blades behind him, but he couldn't stop. Even Astarion looked shocked.

"I have denied my Urges for every step of this journey, taking the role of a leader because nobody else wanted to be. I thought I hated myself before when I was simply trying not to kill you all, but I damned all of us! Everyone in the Coast. It's all my fault. The Absolute, it's all my fault!" Tears slipped down his cheeks and he covered his eyes, his chin wobbling as he dug his teeth into his bottom lip.

"All I wanted was a family to come back to after all of this, to find a home and restart my life...but my family is Bhaal! Is Orin the Red! I am his. His spawn. There will be no reunion for me, no home, no life after this. I will continue to deny my Father, mark my words, but even I know there will be consequence in doing so. I have damned us all in a life I don't even remember. I enslaved the brain with Enver, and yes, he is the only thing of my past that doesn't invoke anger or loneliness. The only thing that feels something like home. Sue me for being unable to deny him a useful pact. He offered me the chance to rule Baldur's Gate beside him, and if I were a lesser man, I would have taken it in a heartbeat. If only to belong somewhere."

"Tar'eon-" Astarion placed a hand on his arm and Tar'eon shook him off, dropping his hand from his face with a glare.

"Are you happy? There's my secrets, laid bare before you. I let you come to me. Why couldn't you do the same?" Tar'eon closed his eyes and shook his head, shouldering past Wyll. He needed away. He needed quiet. His mind was screaming, aching, trying to turn his skull inside out.

"You- Tar'eon! Where are you going?" Karlach yelled after him.

"You can't leave after saying all that!" Gale shouted.

"Did you know, Astarion?" Shadowheart asked the vampire, and Astarion pursed his lips.

"I knew of his urges. I didn't know he was Bhaalspawn."

Tar'eon held his pounding head, the ground beneath his feet rumbling. He heard his companions shouts of surprise, all trying to steady themselves. He allowed the tremors of the earth to guide him down its slope, disappearing into the thickets of bushes and casting invisibility as he went.

"TAR'EON!" Astarion called out into the wilderness, but there was nothing but silence. He cursed and hauled a stone in his anger, fangs bared as he berated himself. He'd pushed the man over the edge, and now, he was off somewhere he couldn't find him. He didn't even know if he'd be back when the morning came. Astarion ran a hand through his hair, ruining it's perfection in his frustration. He'd been counting the hours until it would come to an end...something told him his hours were up.

Tar'eon didn't realise that this was their home. It was his. His family was here. Astarion had shoved him one last time towards the door of their fragile home, and now he had walked right out and disappeared. He looked to the others who were conversing together, expressions all troubled and worried, a few disguising it better than the others. Jaheria stood at her tent, her swords sheathed, but gaze distrustful as she stood there, arms crossed. Thinking.

Astarion didn't sleep that night. He was too busy watching, waiting, for Tar'eon to come home.

[lemonhemlock]

Thoughts on alys/aemond and alys in general

It's very hard to get a proper reading on Alys' character because she is tied with the supernatural and the maesters writing the histories do not understand and tend to dismiss magic. She is supposed to be twice (or thrice??) Aemond's age, but looks unusually young. Is she just a MILF with a good skin care routine? Is she a fire priestess like Melisandre? Can she even get pregnant anymore? Does she conceive the child via magic?

Their dynamic is also open to discussion. Aemond puts House Strong to the sword, but spares Alys. What does she feel about this? Some of those children must have been in her care; she must have breastfed them herself. Is it true that she gave them up willingly? Did she betray them because she was afraid? Did she give them up because she hated them and felt mistreated by them? Did Aemond abuse his power differential in regards to her? Is Alys the one actually manipulating Aemond here?

In any case, Aemond's relationship with Alys is a norm-transgression. This is where I disagree with the majority of green takes on Aemond. By entering in a relationship with Alys, he disrespects his betrothal with the Baratheon girl. Green Knights like to argue that dutiful Aemond would lawfully marry Alys, so that their child wouldn't be born a bastard, but the text isn't clear on whether this actually happened. I would counterpoint that Aemond marrying Alys makes things even worse. The reality is that he can get away with having bastards because he is a man. If he marries her, he completely breaks off the Baratheon pact, bamboozles his brother's alliance with an important military player and effectively endangers the lives of his family by making them vulnerable to a Baratheon coup.

We joke about Robb being irresponsible with Jeyne Westerling, breaking his betrothal and ultimately contributing to his own downfall. We should extend the same type of criticism to Aemond. Bear in mind that, as compensation, Robb offered Walder Frey another very profitable marriage pact. Edmure was not just Some Guy, he was the Lord of Riverrun and Walder Frey's liege lord. And, yet, Walder Frey still orchestrated the Red Wedding in revenge. He wasn't content with Edmure, he wanted the King as his brother-in-law, as promised.

Similarly, the Baratheons were promised Aemond, the second son, with the biggest dragon. Would they settle for Daeron, the third son? Maybe, maybe not. But what about the shame of one of the Four Storms being set aside for a bastard wet nurse? Rhaenyra also has sons they can request for betrothals. This is why Alicent moves quickly after Aemond's and Helaena's deaths to betroth Aegon to Cassandra Baratheon. They are important military allies they need to keep no matter what.

From a story writing standpoint, by introducing Aemond's and Alys' relationship, the author places Aemond on a slippery slope towards the point-of-no-return. Aemond cannot come back from the God's Eye now, because there is no place for him in the narrative anymore. He cannot reunite with his family, because he would have to set Alys aside and marry the Baratheon girl. That is impossible, because his obsession with her becomes all-consuming. He is effectively snatched away from his own story by the paranormal. Alys is a witch with a terrifying aura about her; as an extension of the supernatural, she cannot be contained within the Red Keep as Aemond's mistress.

Their relationship signals the beginning of the end for Aemond. It traps him in a limbo from which he cannot exit, but also cannot go on indefinitely. His arc can only end with Daemon and Caraxes.

My reading of Aemond is that he is a person struggling with his sense of duty, after keeping to his principles and to societal rules for so long. He receives no compensation. He loses an eye and is denied justice. He becomes more suited than Aegon for kingship, but it is all in vain, because unworthy Aegon will always be ahead of him in the line of succession. Aemond has followed the rulebook to a tee, only to end up feeling slighted and disregarded.

The one time he unleashes his buried feelings of injustice and rage, he loses control of Vhagar, kills Luke and inadvertently starts the war. He will blame himself for Blood & Cheese, for causing his family unimaginable pain, for crushing his sister's soul. He will spiral and lose impulse control and drown before he can save himself.

Aemond is a very tragic character and the story advertises his doom very noticeably with the inclusion of Alys. But, ultimately, an analysis of Aemond shouldn't ignore the fact that, textually, he is an oathbreaker and a hypocrite. He interacts with the issue of bastardy both by sleeping with a bastard of House Strong (!) himself and by fathering a bastard child on her. He endangers his family by breaking his vows to the Baratheons. Dutiful Aemond fights for his brother's claim till the very end, but he threatens the success of his brother's campaign precisely by not carrying out his duty.

[genericpuff]

I'm going to try to say this without sounding condescending. But every time I see someone coming into the critical/anti tag to defend LO, specifically the gross maturity/power difference and it's implications, the blog is almost always run by a child. Like, their bio will say 14 or 15, or you can just tell that whoever wrote it is either an actual child or very immature adult. I think it's a testament to the fact that LO very quickly falls apart with any real scrutiny that someone who is immature/young and inexperienced won't apply. And it's also disheartening, because the comic is obviously appealing to a very young audience (mostly young girls), so while an adult with maturity and worldly experience will be able to discern "hey, even though this story is trying to paint such a gap in age and power as something both healthy and romantic, this isn't okay in reality", a child probably won't. It makes me angry with RS and honestly a little sad when I see a comment from a young girl saying that Hades is "goals" or that "Persephone is an adult so it's a-okay". I just have to hope that they have other influences, so if a predatory person comes around trying to be "their Hades", they won't think it's okay.

Not condescending, but definitely concerning. And I say this as someone who's been chronically online since age 14, sometimes the adults around you do have a point when they say "be careful on the Internet". It's not meant to be condescending, it's not meant to be putting anyone down for their age, it's just the reality - there are a lot of shitty things advertised to younger audiences that really shouldn't be consumed by younger audiences. Especially when it comes to things that are easily internalized (like romance, relationship dynamics, etc.)

It's why I've gone on about how LO is basically morally bankrupt at this point, along with many other comics in the romance genre on Webtoons - so many of them are problematic, promote unhealthy relationship dynamics, put a lot of emphasis on normalizing otherwise shitty people and attitudes, and outright objectify women in a very fetishizing if not often sexist way.

Unfortunately WT has figured out that these sorts of stories sell to their main demographic - because their main demographic are made up of literal children who don't know better, and emotionally immature adults who never LEARNED better. It's not a problem that's exclusive to romance webtoons, nor is it one that's solely on RS' shoulders, but it's definitely one Webtoons and RS themselves have capitalized on in a very manipulative way.

It also doesn't help that when you go back far enough in RS' art history, you can see there's a very obvious pattern of her fetishizing innocence and youthfulness, particularly in girls and "little girl" relationship roles (see: she read Lolita and clearly completely missed the point of what it was trying to say). Not enough for me to outright call her a p*dophile, but still enough to make me raise some eyebrows and wonder why she hasn't been called out for it in a more extreme way. I guarantee you if a man were writing this comic, it would have been crucified for its bullshit years ago. Her being a woman doesn't mean her work is automatically less prone to sexism or misogyny or the male gaze than what it would be if the genders were reversed. And I say that as an AFAB creator.

TL ; DR: no, I'm not surprised in the slightest that most of the people defending all the weird and gross infantilization and fetishization crap in LO are literally children. They don't know better, and it's technically not their job to know better because they're children, it's the responsibility of creators like RS to look at themselves in the mirror and ask themselves what the actual fuck they're doing. Unfortunately if the creator herself has internalized and normalized creepy and gross relationship "goals" like this for herself, she's not gonna see the glaring issues in peddling it to children.

[angelosearch]

Okay so no one asked about my Of Mind and Magic WIP but I really want to talk about it anyway. And when I say WIP, I mean a page of notes. But in my head, there's a lot.

Of Mind and Magic is my... comfort fic? It is the core plot of all my daydream scenarios for the last year. It is where I export my brain when I need to not ruminate on something irl. It is the longfic I will likely never write because it is basically an FF8 post-game soap opera that is loaded with every headcanon I've ever had. However, every once in a while, I will come up with something in this sandbox that I will use elsewhere.

The fic is honestly deeply personal and there are some concepts I'd want to introduce but may feel too distant from the "reality" of the game for me to confidently write about.

BUT just because I am unsure I will ever write it, doesn't mean I don't want to talk about it! And perhaps if I do talk about it enough I will give in and try...

This fic is the ULTIMATE marrying of my two "unskippable cutscene" topics: FFVIII and mental health/psychology/neuroscience.

The main concept is that using magic in the world of FFVIII takes a toll on your mental health. We already know that summoning GFs affects memory storage and retrieval, and this is pushing that idea further. The more magic you use, and the more powerful magic you summon, the more potential there is for diseases of the mind and the development of toxic thought patterns.

But it also works the other way. Those with mental illness and those with still-developing brains (children and teenagers) are predisposed to being able to capably wield magic. This blurred "membrane" between the conscious mind and magical power can also manifest in other magic-related abilities, like manipulating dreamscapes and premonitions/visions of the future.

Particularly, those with developing brains are more capable of using magic because their pre-frontal cortex (the decision-making center of the brain) is not fully formed until age 24-27. On some unconscious level, people must decide to accept magic as something they can tap into, and if your brain is fully developed and functioning it recognizes the magic and rejects it as an "immune" response. This is why women must receive Sorceress powers for the first time as children or young adults. Once the magic is accepted in this vulnerable place (Sorceress magic or otherwise) the capacity to use magic (or accept more magic from a sorceress) never goes away. Adults can choose to use magic for the first time after their brain fully develops, but it is never as strong. People cannot junction GFs if they haven't done so before they are in their late 20s.

There is some optional dialogue with Edea at the orphanage on disk three (after the promise): "A knight will present you with peace of mind. He will protect your spirit."

In this fic, this idea plays out in the sense that the knight must ground the sorceress and help her limit her magic use so she does not descend into "madness" - melt her brain and lose herself to the all-consuming power of the magic. However, the bond between sorceress and knight does weaken the mind-magic membrane further, so there is a reciprocal need for the sorceress to also monitor the mental health of her knight.

If a knight was already predisposed to magic (maybe by using it heavily before their brain finished developing) and had a mental illness, they could have tremendous potential for magical ability.

Do you see where I am going here?

It is an eight-year post-game story from Squall's POV (at least in the first part). It's Squall/Rinoa but in the beginning, they have lost themselves and each other. It's really a story of self-discovery, change, caring for the inner child, legacy, and longing. Lots of family stuff because that's what I do, including a major plot line involving Raine and LAGUNA LAGUNA LAGUNA always.

This is why I hesitate to even try to write it: It is steeped in mental health/therapy stuff. I think I am capable of handling that as a writer, but the intensity to which I'd want to take it I am not sure is... appealing? Especially because I wouldn't want to give many trigger warnings to avoid spoiling. Also, I wonder if people would find it "appropriate" to bring super-heavy stuff into this world? Does anyone want to read about Rinoa suffering from an eating disorder in a very serious and as-accurate-as-I-can-make-it way? Or is that just insulting to people suffering from eating disorders? I like reading about this stuff, but I'm not everyone.

Squall comes to realize he has bipolar disorder... I am bipolar, I relate to Squall, and I know what bipolar experiences look like. I have no in-game "proof" of Squall being bipolar (though there's nothing in the game that disproves it either) but it's one of those things where you long to see yourself in the media you consume. Honestly, "Squall is bipolar with cptsd" (like me) was where this fic started. He has a very complete and public breakdown in this story. If you ever wanted to know what it's like to be admitted to an acute crisis psych unit in a hospital, this fic would show that. But maybe that is something that is better to write about in nonfiction??

A lot of this stuff is based on lived experience - either of myself or of other people via case studies/memoirs I've read. I rarely see stuff of this intensity depicted in works of fiction, let alone fanfiction. Is that because of a lack of representation, or is it because people don't want to read it? I honestly do not know.

I don't have a clear idea of where this story is going or when/where it will end, which is another factor that makes me hesitate in writing it. In my mind, I have two "season finales" but it's still ongoing (though Chaos Theory has taken over lately).

Anyway, I've been dying to throw this all down somewhere. If you've made it to the end of this post, good for you. You now know what the inside of my brain looks like.

[lightlycareless]

My self indulgent thoughts like to mix with whatever fic i'm really into at the time and since I haven't really been reading any fics for a while until I stumbled across first it hurts the self indulgent thoughts are going haywire. currently i'm thinking that if gojo and hinata WERE engaged but broke it off, but they're still on good terms, would gojo still think of himself as y/n's big brother if not in law then in spirit? just the thought of big brother gojo even if not officially makes me soft, just enough sweetness to counteract marrying someone like naoya (who i love too but the only time he can muster up a soft moment is either when he's manipulating to get something, or if it IS genuine it will be so under the radar cuz he doesn't wanna look vulnerable that any soft/sweet gesture by him might even be mistaken as him being cold)

Heya anon!

I'm so glad that you're nourishing your indulgent thoughts!! That's what my fic is all about, living the fantasy 🥰 (I totally get it, I do that often too with whatever media I'm consuming, which is what led me to write this in the first place! hehe)

I think you're going to be very pleased with this answer :>

Even after Hinata broke off the engagement with Gojo, he remained a very important part in their lives! I do plan on exploring this a lil bit more throughout the fic, but here are the basic ideas:

Satoru appreciates the L/N siblings allot because they were the first ones that didn't treat him like the Heir of the Gojo clan. Yes, he is the heir at the end of the day, but that's not what solely defines him. They met pretty young, when they were nothing more than children, so the innocent nature that follows that age permitted them to treat him as another playmate.

Hinata knew they were going to get married but she was like "ok, whatever that means" kind of like how Goku thought it was some kind of food when Chi Chi told him she wanted to marry him (It's been a while since I saw that scene, I apologize for paraphrasing oof) all that Ren, Hinata, and Y/N cared about was playing with him, and I think he did too.

Also, Y/N and Satoru share similar hobbies, thus they get along quite well! Very much little sister and older brother kind of dynamic—but super annoying lol.

And to make it even more significant, so to speak, it's been stated that Gojo was absolutely furious when he heard that the Zen'in had set their sights on Y/N as soon as his engagement with Hinata was done. So angry, that he refused to attend the wedding all together. He thought that him being there would be seen as some kind of approval and he was not about to entertain the elders.

He was more than ready to drop everything to help Hinata get Y/N back, but he was still aware that there were things that were out of their hands, so as much as he wants to help her, he also wants to prepare her for all outcomes—the main one, Y/N falling in love with Naoya. (Hinata as much as she's dutiful and heroic and whatnot, can be very irrational from time to time, more when it comes to her family, so....)

Also, I can't imagine the pressure he's experiencing for the whole Geto thing :/ so yeah.

He might not be that involved in the fic, since this is mainly Zen'in shenanigans, or capable of doing much, but rest assured, Gojo cares for Y/N very very much. I wonder what kind of reaction he'll have if he ever learns about all the things she's gone through, although... I'm sure he gets a general idea.

So yep! Sorry for that long answer hahah but in other words, he still considers himself to be her older brother :> (Ren is quaking) regardless if the marriage went through or not. I think he might still be calling Eiichi, Y/N and Hinata's dad, father lol.

I hope this mends a little bit the fact that Naoya has been an asshole up till now 😒 but it seems he's realizing that now LMAO. (we must tread carefully)

If you have any more questions, or just want to share your thoughts with me, my ask box is always open 🥰❤❤❤❤ Thank you for leaving an ask! I hope you have a wonderful weekend, take care!!

[vrishchikawrites]

Could I have a prompt? 🥺🥺 So WWX is taking bath in the Cold Pond to heal from the wounds by the discipline paddle (which I assume he was punished being clothed in his Black robe or in his Gusu Lan disciple robes or Head disciple Jiangs robes whichever fits). Before going to CR, wwx is whipped by mdm yu and LWJ notices wwx’s raw red scars and many scars across his back kinda overlapping and not yet being healed because maybe MDM yu sealed his core or something. LWJ, or with LXC saw WWX’s many crisscrossing scars and realize they’re still raw and kinda risking for infection because when mdm yu unseals his spiritual energy before going to CR, WWX never thought of healing it. Cue LWJ and LXC gets horrified and ask WWX why he had many scars on his back (or other parts of his body can also be included!) no pressure 💕 I love your writing! ❤️❤️

Anyway, it is set during the period in which WWX studies at CR. Lån Qiren, who is obviously not eyeing Wei Wuxian just in case the boy creates some trouble ends up realizing that he is too non chalant about  not eating (because the food there is for rabbits) and WWX is like "Oh, yeah. Nah its fine, I've been worse".

This one has trigger warnings for child abuse, negligence, and issues related to eating habits. Keep that in mind before proceeding. Nothing graphic, but I wanted to warn nonetheless.

I've merged two prompts here.

Please remember that prompts are closed. Also, remember I do not write self-deprication. All prompts that require WWX to have low self-esteem are not going to be written, apologies but the subject is very uncomfortable for me and I don't believe it is canon accurate anyways.

On to the prompt fill.

"That Wei child is entirely too careless." 

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and prays for patience. That boy has been a menace ever since he stepped into Cloud Recesses. Brilliant but wily and mischievous with absolutely no regard for rules. 

"What has he done?" He asks gruffly, reading over the reports from the kitchen staff. Cloud Recesses always monitors the food intake of their guests to make sure everyone is well-fed and no one is consuming more than their due. It wouldn't do for young cultivators to fall ill in their care, after all. 

The primary healer, a matron of some age, had brought the reports instead of the kitchen manager, which was quite unusual, "He forgets meals. Goes without food for days. Survives on small bits of fruit."

Xichen, who has been working on his own reports, raises his head and looks concerned. 

Lan Qiren crosses his arms, feeling a growing sense of ire, "He dislikes our meals." He's not the first one to skip meals because he considers them 'bland' and 'boring'. It's likely the child has been sneaking down to Caiyi town to have more extravagant meals. 

"I checked with our ward team. When he goes days without eating, he doesn't make any trips to Caiyi town either."

Lan Qiren pauses and studies her. Lan Mingyun nods curtly, "When I first noticed this behavior, I immediately put him on my list." Her list of children with food-related issues, he assumes, "His eating habits are very erratic, erratic enough that I wish to assign one of our senior disciples to keep an eye on him."

"You're that worried?" Lan Xichen asks in surprise while Lan Qiren frowns. It isn't unusual to do so but he wonders if it is really necessary.

"As far as I know, the child lived on the streets for quite a few years," She says and Lan Qiren narrows his eyes, inwardly reprimanding himself. He had forgotten about that aspect of Wei Wuxian's history, "The link between early childhood trauma and behavioural problems are well known to us."

Lan Xichen frowns, "I'll ask Wangji to keep an eye on him."

He glances at his nephew sharply, "Why Wangji?" He demands because surely someone else would be better.

"From what I understand, Wei-gongzi will not welcome an assigned senior. He seems to be someone who brushes injuries or illnesses off. He likes Wangji and will be more willing to accept his company."

While the argument is reasonable, Lan Qiren is loath to involve his precious nephew in this. He's already so bothered by the boy. 

But.

He thinks of Wei Wuxian with his sharp eyes and lingering smile and nods. 

---

Wangji listens to Xichen patiently even as his fingers curl into fists under his sleeves. 

He doesn't like Wei Wuxian. The boy is too disruptive, too bold, too distracting-

Too beautiful.

He doesn't like him, but that doesn't mean he's content to ignore his well-being. When Xichen asks him to keep an eye on Wei Ying's eating habits and general behavior, Wangji agrees. 

It will be taxing for him, but he agrees.  

What he doesn't anticipate is… everything that follows. When he starts consciously looking for them, the signs are alarming. Wei Ying doesn't just skip meals whenever he gets too distracted, he picks at the food even when he is eating. While Wangji is comforted to know the boy frequently seeks something richly flavored at Caiyi Town, he doesn't do it often enough to compensate.

There are also some concerning behaviors in the Jiang contingent. Upon closer inspection, it is clear that while Wei Ying does break the rules, the other Jiang Sect disciples are often complicit. Including Jiang Wanyin. 

They not only let their da-shixiong take the blame for all of their actions, but also encourage it. Wei Ying seems disconcertingly accustomed to it. He makes a scene while being punished but seems alright within an hour. 

Jiang Wanyin encourages mischief and reprimands him in turns. 

Wangji doesn't understand this.

"Xiongzhang, I am concerned," Xichen looks up from his tea, his attention immediately on Wangji, unwavering and comforting, "Wei Ying," He takes a moment to form his thoughts, "I am uncertain. I believe he is in an unsafe environment."

Xichen sets his tea aside, "How so?"

"I happened upon a conversation," He grimaces because it is eavesdropping even if his intentions are noble, "Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang requested and encouraged him to get alcohol into Cloud Recesses. When he complained about the punishment, Jiang Wanyin said 'at least, it wasn't Zidian'."

His brother sucks in a sharp breath, "Zidian? Madam Yu? Spiritual weapon? A high-grade weapon typically used against enemies?"

Wangji dips his head. 

"I'll ask uncle to stop assigning corporal punishments." Lan Xichen says, "They won't have the desired effect in any case and we don't want to damage him permanently. Tomorrow, ask him to practice Cultivation in the Cold Pond as punishment."

Wangji nods, "I'll assign Jiang Wanyin and Nie Huaisang proper punishment as well."

"Wait until we have a better grasp on the situation." Xichen says solemnly, "If we act too quickly, things will escalate and may cause more harm to Wei-gongzi."

Wangji is reluctant because his sense of justice is not satisfied. He remembers how the Jiang disciples encouraged Wei Ying to accept punishment on their behalf. And then to know Jiang Wanyin was also complicit…

"We must approach this cautiously, Wangji."

He nods.

---

Red, irritated, scarred.

Wangji swallows as he sees the state of Wei Ying's back as the Jiang disciple steps into the Cold Pond. There are so many whip scars on his back, so many that have barely begun to heal, that he feels nauseous. 

"Wei Ying," He struggles to keep his tone neutral, "Your back." He cannot imagine the agony that Wei Ying would've suffered when he took more punishment on it the other day. 

Wei Ying glances at him and grins, "Aiya, Lan Zhan, is that concern I see on your pretty face?" He asks, spinning around eagerly, "Concern for little old me?"

His back is out of sight and the way Wei Wuxian is leaning towards him is meant to distract and fluster.

Wangji… suddenly understands. Wei Ying is naturally playful and mischievous, but he uses his personality for disguise and manipulation as well. Not maliciously, but in a way that harms him.

"Wei Ying," Wangji refuses to be moved. There is a significant shift in his mind. He no longer feels annoyed by the person before him. If anything, he feels furious. 

He feels protective.

"Wei Ying, your back."

The Jiang disciple shrugs, "Punishment, you know how it is." 

"For what?" He demands, catching Wei Ying's elbow and turning him around. The willingness to touch him stuns Wei Ying momentarily, enough for Wangji to get a good look at the brutal devastation written on Wei Ying's back. 

Wei Ying clears his throat and shrugs, "It's more of a preemptive punishment? Madam Yu knew I would cause trouble here, of course." He chuckles.

"Preemptive punishment?" He asks softly, the very notion troubling him. 

Wei Ying shrugs again but doesn't attempt to explain when it is clear Wangji isn't willing to indulge him.

"Wei Ying,"

"Lan Zhan," Wei Ying starts to move towards the shore, "Don't worry about things that don't concern you. Your head will forever be burdened if you do."

Wangji feels something in him recoil at such a blunt dismissal. 

"Doesn't concern me? How can it not concern me?" He wants to ask but is unable to. 

Wei Ying has made him very uncomfortable with his forward personality and near constant teasing, but Wangji has seen the genuine offer of friendship underneath it all. 

He has always spurned it. 

As Wei Ying climbs onto the shore, his wounds red against his naturally pale skin, Wangji makes a decision, "Would you not feel concerned if it were me?" He asks but he already knows the answer.

He already knows this man enough.

"Of course," Wei Ying says and shrugs on his robes, hiding a wince but unable to help his body's reaction to pain, "But you and I are different." He glances over his shoulder at Wangji, "I consider you my friend," He says, "But you don't consider me yours."

His breath stills at the acceptance in Wei Ying's tone.

"And that's alright." The Jiang disciple waves and walks away, "Don't worry too much, Lan Zhan. This one isn't weak. The wounds will heal within a few days."

---

"The facts are these - Wei-gongzi is punished preemptively with Zidian, often enough that there are deep scars on his back," Lan Xichen explains, "I assume it is his Golden Core keeping him from sustaining permanent damage."

Lan Qiren is still bristling at the very thought of preemptive punishment. What a ridiculous notion! Of course, the child doesn't care about rules and upsetting people! He has already been punished enough to excuse everything but outright treason.  

How is such a method effective? How does it correct a child's misbehavior? 

"The Jiang Sect disciples are accustomed to their da-shixiong being punished in their stead. They actively encourage it. Jiang Wanyin has asked Wei-gongzi to sneak in alcohol. And he refused to come forward when Wei-gongzi was punished." Xichen takes a deep breath, "I believe any lingering issues he may have because of his early days as a street orphan-"

"Are ignored," Lan Qiren concludes grimly, "It is no wonder the child has such strong cultivation. He is facing strife constantly."

"Is there a way to rescue him?" Wangji asks after being grimly silent for the entire meeting, "Get him away from the Jiang Sect?"

Lan Qiren eyes him, "Wangji, the situation is complicated. He's still the Jiang Head Disciple and sects don't just part with their high ranking disciples."

Xichen smiles sympathetically, "We'll find a way to pressure Jiang-zongzhu into taking action. He'll lose face if the other Sects know how his lady is treating their Head Disciple." He shakes his head at Wangji's expression, "Let us think about it. Meanwhile, you just need to be there for your friend, Wangji."

Lan Qiren arches a brow, "Friend? Wangji, I thought you disliked the boy."

Wangji purses his lips, a stubborn light entering his eyes, "Wei Ying is my friend." He insists, resolve lining his every word. 

He looks at Xichen, who just looked amused, "According to Wei-gongzi, he considers Wangji a friend and will be very concerned if Wangji was in a similar situation," He huffs, "But Wangji doesn't consider Wei-gongzi his friend, so there's no need for Wangji to worry."

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and rubs his forehead in an uncharacteristic display of frustration, "That boy is a singular menace."

---

Wangji pursues friendship with all the dedication in his being. He learns to cook savory dishes and gives them to Wei Ying every day. Wei Ying, unable and utterly unwilling to deny, eats it all. 

He glares the Jiang disciples into submission whenever they attempt to draw Wei Ying into mischief. The Jiang Head Disciple is fully exempt from corporal punishment. Instead, he spends hours in the library either copying rules, rewriting classics, or transcribing Buddhist texts. 

All of these activities prove to be much more effective punishments.

Meanwhile, Lan Qiren attends a Discussion Conference and has word with Jiang Fengmian. 

The response is a gentle order from the Jiang-zongzhu for Wei Ying. He asks his disciple to remain in Cloud Recesses for Musical Cultivation training. He also mentions it is time for Jiang Wanyin to take up Head Disciple responsibilities and learn true leadership. 

Wei Ying eyes the smiling Lan Xichen and impassive Lan Qiren sharply but doesn't say anything.

In two years time, the distance between Wei Ying and the Jiang Sect grows. The distance between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan ceases to exist. 

Just like that, Wei Wuxian's destiny changes.

[linkspooky]

Hi! This might be a stupid ask, but do you know why Choso looks sad in the last page of the latest Jujutsu Kaisen chapter?

He’s sad because Yuji won’t call him Onii-chan <3, obviously! Just kidding anon,  your ask is really good actually because it allowed me to think about a deeper point made by this chapter, Choso and Yuji are foils, brothers, but they’re not really getting along despite teaming up. They’re facing opposite directions. More under the cut. 

1. The Cursed Children

Yuji and Choso are foils. They are both curse / human hybrids but they are completely opposite in origin. To clarify Yuji is a curse / human hybrid, by eating the cursed object “Sukuna’s Finger” he gained the properties of a curse and became a vessel for Sukuna’s cursed energy. Yuji isn’t a natural sorcerer, he has no innate technique of his own. 

Getwo gives a pretty good explanation of what Yuji is. There’s three types of beings and they can all channel cursed energy. 

Non-sorcerers / Regular humans create cursed energy with their thoughts but it leaks out. Sorcerers are humans capable of chanelling cursed energy. Cursed spirits are beings made of pure cursed energy. 

Yuji started out (as far as we know) in category one, a person unable to see cursed energy or channel it. Humans that can channel cursed energy from a young age like Miwa or Megumi are category. The divide between Miwa and Megumi is that Miwa is a sorcerer born with the ability to channel cursed energy, but without an innate technique hence why she’s a simple domain user which is a cursed energy usage that doesn’t require an innate technique you’re born with. Megumi was born with the innate technique of ten shadows, so he can use that on top of channeling cursed energy. 

Thirdly, is cursed spirits like Mahito and Jogo, they’re bodies are made out of pure cursed energy, and they can channel it because they were formed from the cursed energy that leaks out of non-sorcerers slash regular humans. 

When Getwo says he wants to create a new kind of sorcerers he divides them into two categories. 

Yuji ingested a cursed object, and became a vessel for that cursed object’s energy. Therefore he is a human, but his whole body is a vessel for Sukuna’s cursed energy. He comes off looking half and half, a hybrid between category one and category three.

The second type is peple like Junpei. They were born with innate technique and the ability to see cursed energy making them like Megumi, but for some reasons their brains aren’t wired to be able to use their technique so their brains needed to be modified. Even in that case, Junpei became more like a sorcerer, able to channel cursed energy, and use his innate technique of the poisoned jellyfish. He became more like Megumi. Whereas Yuji is a vessel for Sukuna’s cursed energy, he becomes more like Sukuna. 

This is all just thoery but I think we’re supposed to take from Geto’s explanation is he’s trying to create two new kinds of sorceers. 

1) Non-Sorcerers with innate technique converted into sorcerers by programming their brains to be able to use the cursed technique they were already born with.

2) Non-Sorcerers with no innate technique, who gained cursed energy by consuming a cursed object. Therefore, he strengthens their body to make them strong enough to hold that cursed energy. 

If we define cursed spirits as a body made of cursed energy, who is also able to use cursed techniques, then the second type resembles cursed spirits yes? Yuji ever since he ate the finger is no longer simply human, he has become the hybrid of both Sukuna and Yuji. He is a hybrid half between normal human, and the curse known as Sukuna. 

Choso is the result of Kamo Noritoshi’s previous attempt to create a hybrid of a “cursed spirit” a being made of pure energy and also “a sorcerer” born with an innate technique. Choso is both a cursed spirit, but also, someone who is carrying the genetically inate technique of the Kamo Clan. Just like Yuji he’s ambiguously both a curse and a human. Howevver his creation process was in reverse. 

Choso started out as a cursed object. 

His fetus as a cursed object was then ingested by a human who was a non-sorcerer with no potential. At that point, Choso began to possess the body of the human, using the human as a host and a vessel. However, it’s flipped around. 

Yuji is the dominant personality even though he is the vessel to Sukuna’s cursed energy. In Choso’s case, Choso becomes the dominant personality even though he’s the cursed object but not the personality of the vessel. The result is, unlike other cursed spirits they’re given physical bodies that don’t disappear when they die. 

I think it’s really ambiguous about whether or not the original personality of the vessel is kept in tact. Kechizu hid the face on his back which was crying out in pain, which might have been the original owner of the body. Choso however seems to have complete control. He doesn’t fight over control with two people in one body like Sukuna and Yuji. 

So, anyway opposites. Yuji decided to eat a cursed object of his own free will and became a hybrid that way.

Choso, Kechizu and Eso had no control. They didn’t choose both how they were born, or how they were force fed into humans. Yuji chose to become Sukuna’s vessel, Choso literally didn’t have a choice. The plot even goes to point out that they don’t really have a paritcular hatred for sorcerer’s or humans. 

They were in essence unborn children before this. 

Kechizu and Eso wake up, and the first thing the people who claim they “rescued them” tell them to do is go on a delivery mission for Sukuna’s fingers. They are suspicious but decide to comply because they “owe them” and because they think the world that the cursed spirits and Geto would make would be more “livable” for them.

So their goal isn’t even specifically to hurt innocent people. It’s to live, and make sure all their brothers can live, and also, it’s to be free. In order to achieve that goal, however, they decided they were okay with hurting innocent people at first. 

It is fair to say that Choso did kill people upon waking up, and he’s responsible for that even if he was only being used by Geto. It’s also fair to say Yuji has every right to feel alienated from Choso because he decided to kill people, especially since that’s the opposite of Yuji’s goal.

Choso’s goal is to choose how to live from now on, and Yuji’s goal is to choose how he’s going to die. However, their goal is kind of the same as well, because Choso’s goal is to be surrounded  family, and Yuji’s goal is to be surrounded by others. 

However, despite the fact that Choso wants to work together now with Yuji after considering him a brother. Yuji finds Choso offputting, which to be fair, he has killed people even unknowingly. On the other side though, I don’t think Yuji’s particularly upset with Choso, he’s just upset that Choso reminds him of hismelf. Choso is a cursed / human hybrid that unknowingly killed people. Yuji is a cursed / human hybrid that was manipulated by others (Sukuna) in order to kill people. 

Yuji is having trouble coping with that. The reality that he hurt people. He can’t accept either of Choso’s feelings, first his sudden loyalty towards him as a brother, or his forgiveness for having unknowingly killed two other brothers. Yuji continues to hold these things against him and push Choso and his attemps to help away because he can’t forgive himself. He also, can’t look at himself.

Yuji’s face is drawn to highlight the unscarred side of his face this chapter. The scars he has were inflcited on him by a curse. Yuji’s face is now almost drawn in half, the unscarred side, andthe scarred side. By, showing only the unscarred side the author is using visual language to tell that Yuji is ignoring his own scars, and also ignoring the parts of him that are more like a curse because he’s so desperate to be seen as human. THat’s why he tunes Choso out. Choso who is a curse. But also he tunes Choso out because Choso is concerned for him and Yuji can’t accept Choso’s positive feelings when he feels so negatively about himself.

Yuji and Choso are drawn as facing away from each other the whole chapter despite being left alone to each other, and talking to one another. I think Choso is sad, because he can sense this distance between them. Not only will his brother not look at him, but Yuji isn’t really ready or in a healthy place to accept his feelings. Which means that Choso can’t help his brother or comfort him the way he wants to. Nor can he get Yuji to understand his feelings, or understand what Yuji’s going through.

I think Choso feels lonely because he expected them to get along as well as him, and Eso and Kechizu did, but Yuji’s more complicated than that and he doesn’t know what to do besides hover around him and be there for him. Choso and Yuji are also reflections in that sense, Choso cares about his brothers above everything else, and prioritizes his brothers over the world. Yuji will always prioritize the whole world over himself, he is always thinking about saving strangers instead. Hence why, they have a hard time understanding each other even if they want to work together.  

[manie-sans-delire-x]

My thoughts/analysis of We Need to talk about Kevin

From abnormal psych class paper:

The character I chose to analyze and diagnose is Kevin Khatchadourian from the 2011 film, We Need to Talk about Kevin. Brilliantly depicted by star Ezra Miller and various other child actors, Kevin is an angry, emotionally detached boy who struggles in his complex relationship with his mother. We see the unhealthy relationship develop between the two through-out the film as Kevin grows from a baby to a young man, ending in tragedy as Kevin achieves his ultimate revenge against his mother by massacring the rest of their family as well as several classmates in a school shooting.  

After carefully noting Kevin’s behavior and the way he and his mother Eva interact when he is a young child, I have decided to diagnose Kevin with reactive attachment disorder (RAD). The diagnostic criteria from the current Diagnostic and Statistical manual (DSM-5) for RAD reads as follows: 

A. A consistent pattern of inhibited, emotionally withdrawn behavior toward adult caregivers, manifested by both of the following: 

1. The child rarely or minimally seeks comfort when distressed. 

2. The child rarely or minimally responds to comfort when distressed. 

B. A persistent social or emotional disturbance characterized by at least two of the following: 

Minimal social and emotional responsiveness to others 

Limited positive affect 

Episodes of unexplained irritability, sadness, or fearfulness that are evident even during nonthreatening interactions with adult caregivers. 

C. The child has experienced a pattern of extremes of insufficient care as evidenced by at least one of the following: 

Social neglect or deprivation in the form of persistent lack of having basic emotional needs for comfort, stimulation, and affection met by caring adults 

Repeated changes of primary caregivers that limit opportunities to form stable attachments (e.g., frequent changes in foster care) 

Rearing in unusual settings that severely limit opportunities to form selective attachments (e.g., institutions with high child to caregiver ratios) 

D. The care in Criterion C is presumed to be responsible for the disturbed behavior in Criterion A (e.g., the disturbances in Criterion A began following the lack of adequate care in Criterion C). 

E. The criteria are not met for autism spectrum disorder. 

F. The disturbance is evident before age 5 years. 

G. The child has a developmental age of at least nine months. 

Specify if Persistent: The disorder has been present for more than 12 months. 

Specify current severity: Reactive Attachment Disorder is specified as severe when a child exhibits all symptoms of the disorder, with each symptom manifesting at relatively high levels. 

Kevin displays behavior that meets both criteria A and B. As a baby he cried constantly, reportedly even when held, showing an inability or unwillingness to be soothed. As a toddler he shows defiance, disinterest in social interaction, and a refusal to engage in play, such as when his mother is attempting to play with a ball with him and he refuses to roll the ball back or respond in any way, instead staring at her with a sullen expression. Kevin also refuses his mother’s pleas to say the word “Mommy”. As a slightly older child, Kevin continues to act defiantly and shows anger, ripping up the paper when his mother attempts to school him, immediately soiling his newly changed diapers on purpose, throwing food against the wall and onto tables, breaking his crayons, making nonsensical noises to irritate his mother, and destroying his mother’s artfully decorated room. When he is taken to the doctor to be examined, he shows no expression, does not speak, and stiffens his body. When his baby sister is born, he purposefully sprinkles water onto the newborn, causing her to cry. It should be noted however that in one instance Kevin seems to relax his cold exterior and accept comfort from his mother, shown by the scene in which he falls ill and cuddles with his mother while she reads him a story. He even apologizes for her having to clean up his throw-up. Unfortunately, as soon as he is feeling well again he is back to being rude and rejecting any attempt of hers to take care of him, refusing her help to change his clothes.  

As for criteria C, although Kevin has not experienced extreme abuse or neglect, I believe Kevin suffered from a traumatic birth as it was mentioned that his mother was resisting. His mother Eva did not desire a child, especially not one as difficult as Kevin, so she emotionally neglects him and is cold to him. Eva makes it very clear to him that he is unwanted, telling him straight to his face that she was happy before she gave birth to him and not correcting him when Kevin mentions that Eva does not like him. In one instance, she is accidentally too rough with him and breaks his arm, which Kevin later refers to as being the most honest thing she ever did. Kevin also meets the criteria of D through G, and his symptoms are persistent. I would say Kevin has moderate to severe symptoms as he does exhibit all listed symptoms quite regularly.  

I believe Kevin’s psychological problems may also have developed into conduct disorder (CD) as an adolescent and then antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) or psychopathy in adulthood, especially after taking into consideration the mutilation of his sister’s eye and the killing of his sister’s guinea pig, his father, his sister, and several classmates. He shows no guilt or empathy, appears to have shallow emotions besides anger, and shows no evidence of having affection or emotional bonds to anyone. He is also very manipulative; putting on a fake act of normalcy for his father, turning his parents against each other, and navigating the legal system to get his best outcome. However, I know that children with RAD can also be violent and if not treated, behave in a way very similar to conduct disorder in adolescence and ASPD or psychopathy in adulthood. The main reason I chose to focus on RAD over CD or ASPD is because I believe the root of Kevin’s problem is immense pain at being rejected and unloved as a child and that he harbors a deep desire to have that connection but is unable to accept affection.  He is so focused on and consumed by his anger towards his mother, while someone with true psychopathy may be more detached and indifferent. I also leaned more towards RAD given that he showed symptoms from such a young age and did not seem to have any problems outside of his issues with his mother, such as acting out in school or engaging in petty, impulsive crime. I do wish that the film showed more of his interaction with his peers. Lastly, I felt RAD was a more accurate choice because of the subtle signs of it that are associated more with RAD than CD, such as stiffening his body when others try to hug him, making nonsensical sounds, and not making eye contact as an infant, although that may not have been intentionally put in the film. Either way, his parents certainly needed to talk to professionals about Kevin when he was a child. Had they done so, perhaps they could have prevented the tragedy of both his life and the pain he inflicted on others.  

Response to tumblr ask:

I agree! I would have loved to see how he interacts at school, what he does when he’s alone and has spare time, and more of his childhood.

I think he had multiple reasons:

1- To make his mother suffer since he obviously has a lot of anger and resentment towards her

2- Because he doesn’t feel much positive emotion and gave up on ever feeling pleasure or enjoyment from regular life. Normal life is incredibly boring for him. He wanted to DO something- real, meaningful, make something happen. He wanted to Live. I very much relate.

3- He enjoys the attention he gets from it.

We talked about this in my forensic psych club- whether we should give interviews and all this attention to violent criminals. Our society is fascinated by them to the point where we make movies and books. People sell and collect memorabilia. They have fan-girls writing love letters and showing up to their court sessions, even fighting each other over them. It’s pretty crazy. But on the other hand, it’s important that we study them. Or is it? There’s a debate about everything.

4- His philosophy and world view. 

He is very nihilistic, he doesn’t believe life “means” anything and right/wrong doesn’t exist/is just a matter of opinion or viewpoint. His actions don’t really matter either, nothing does. I used to think exactly like he did when I was a teen, and I still do in a way.

As for your last question, it’s easy to forget one way of thinking when you’re in another. It’s hard to remember how one state was when you’re in a different one. Also, as shitty as outside life can be, life in prison is even shittier. Makes you appreciate the ability of choice and being able to do things, even just to walk around outside or buy an icecream cone. He was also only 15 at the time of the crime, and in the last scene he’s 18. A lot of chemical changes and neural development happens in that time. He matured- his way of thinking about himself, the world, and the others around him changed.

[scarletarosa]

The War in Heaven and the False God

Most people have heard the legend of the Biblical War in Heaven of Lucifer and his angels against God. Though when young, I had always felt that the story was kept suspiciously short and lacked much sense. We are told of the angels not possessing much free-will, but also how could these divine beings suddenly just turn evil, as we are told? Due to these suspicions that there was more to the story than was told (as it is often said “the victors get to write history”), I decided to connect with Lucifer and other demons in order to learn from their perspective. This gradually led me to become a Luciferian and be told the full story of the War in Heaven.

The supreme deity is not Jehovah; he is neither all-powerful, all-wise, or benevolent. The supreme deity is the Source, the formless consciousness that has existed before all things and created the first gods of this Universe (the first among them being Lucifer). Though in order to create, the Source had to create from themself their female counterpart, the Queen of Heaven (who is formless as well). These two energies together create harmony and allow creation to come into being. The Source and Queen of Heaven have both been known throughout many different cultures under different names. For instance, the Source has been known as Atum in Egypt, Brahman in India, Olodumare in Yoruba, etc. The Queen of Heaven has been known as Adi Parashakti in India.

At the beginning, the Cosmic Egg was formed in the Void with the assistance of elder deities. When the egg broke open, the gods Eros and Lucifer emerged from it- Eros being love and Lucifer being light. Though they were meant to exist separately; Eros remained within the Void and Lucifer dwelled alone within the Universe for many ages until the other gods were created by the Source. Among these first gods were the Angels Mikael, Raphael, Uriel, and others. Lilith was created last among them as the embodiment of the Queen of Heaven (a smaller and less-powerful copy of Herself in order to act within the Universe and marry Lucifer). With these first deities, Lucifer the First-Born became their leader and assisted in the creation of other spiritual races. Overtime, more gods were created by both the Source and through sexual union between the elder deities.

It was during the early stages of the Earth when the aeonic god Jehovah came. The aeonic gods are extremely powerful deities who are tasked with co-creating the material and metaphysical Universe; they are normally peaceful, but for some reason, Jehovah came seeking even more power. His goal was to usurp the Throne of the Universe and take command of an entire planet, which ended up being Earth due to a specific species that was being created here: humans. The humans were a younger race and felt insecure about their lack of magickal prowess compared to the other species on Earth like the elves; this caused them to become deeply envious and greedy as a race. Jehovah had destroyed the ecosystem of several different planets on his way to Earth, causing life to be destroyed on them. As he arrived to Earth to claim it, Lucifer led a revolt against him and was followed by millions of deities and other entities. This battle was terrible for everyone since Jehovah’s great powers allowed him to be able to drain energy from spirits or even kill them at will. Countless entities lost their lives trying to destroy Jehovah, but to no avail. The arch-dragoness goddess, Tiamat, who had created Earth’s lifeforms in the sea, even gave her life to help empower Gaia against the tyrant god.  

When many spirits were destroyed and the survivors were crippled, Jehovah took them and threw them into the nightmarish land of torment called Hell. This is the realm that is far away from the Source’s divine light. Due to this, the deities and other beings who were sent here had their essence transformed by this horrible realm; causing them to become dark and more intense in appearance and presence. Their wings became black and they grew horns; some developed red eyes, spikes, claws, or other monstrous features. Though overall, they remained beautiful, only in a darker way. They became known as “demons”, now restricted from the heavens by Jehovah, who had now claimed the Throne. The demons were in great pain and suffering, as they had all lost family and friends in the battle, as well as their divine homeland. However, they had not lost their drive to destroy the tyrant who had taken everything from them. The three most powerful demons became High Kings of Hell and created their kingdoms where their people could live and train to continue the great War. These High Kings of Hell are Lucifer (the most powerful and wise), Satan, and Leviathan. Though these mighty rebels were soon falsely accused of being evil and representing things that were actually opposite of them (Lucifer being lies when he is truth, Lilith being infertility when she is life/motherhood, Beelzebub being gluttony when he is health, Mammon being greed when he is generosity, etc).  

Overtime, Jehovah was able to win humans over to his side by pretending to be the Source and manipulating them to believe that they were special if they followed him. Little did the humans know that their sins in life would never be forgiven, as Jehovah did not care for what they would end up facing in the Underworld or in Hell. It is also no surprise that the main people who forwarded monotheism were war-lords; all seeking power and dominion over others (see Emperor Constantine, Mohammad, and the ancient Jews who dismantled Canaan and killed the pagans there). With these new religions that inspired hate and fear towards other religions, blind faith towards scripture, and hatred towards any spirits that aren’t “holy”, the world gradually became swallowed by the tyrant’s influence. Pagans were massacred en-masse and their temples, holy sites, stories, statues, cultures, and more were all destroyed. Churches and mosques were built on top of sacred temple sites of polytheists and they were faced with the choice of either dying or converting. And with that, the entire world changed and became a shadow of its former glory.  

Yet all of this was allowed to occur by the Source since existence has always revolved around evolution, and no evolution can exist within perfection. In order to allow wisdom and other attributes to develop, as well as to teach important lessons, all beings are allowed to endure suffering. This suffering, if overcome, holds the key to rising to greater potentials. And so Jehovah was not immediately struck down, but was constantly faced with other forms of justice from not only the gods of vengeance, but also from receiving loads of karmic debt.

Back in the ancient times when other races still roamed this planet, such as the elves, giants, scorpion-men, nagas, and dragons, we had magick here in the physical. When magick was performed, it was actually able to be seen and even deities were able to manifest in the physical with ease. Though in order to keep humans blind, Jehovah destroyed the magickal nodes that surrounded the Earth and ordered his humans to destroy the sacred sites that helped channel magick. Then the other targets were the races of Earth that were not human, since they were less malleable to his will due to their advanced wisdom. The humans were already greedy and envious, so they were easily encouraged to wage war against any race that was different from them. The elves were brutally slaughtered, raped, and enslaved until they all died out; the same happened to many other species. When the humans began killing the dragons and sphinxes, who acted as wise mentors and guardians of the Earth, these mighty beings decided to leave the humans behind to fend for themselves for the rest of their existence. And still in hatred, the humans decided to record the dragons as if they were greedy and savage.  

Overtime, everything was set in place for Jehovah, but the demons and other entities continued to fiercely fight against him over the ages, and they still do. The tyrant god has never cared for any human who has followed him, as he seeks only power and destruction of other deities. He takes the credit for the miracles other deities perform for worthy humans, allowing such people to assume what they want about him. The gods who he killed do not die forever though, as spiritual death is different. But it often takes decades, hundreds of years, or in some cases, a million years, in order for them to reform. Yet, to most humans, the other gods are nothing more than legend now. They watch over the Earth still, helping anyone who seeks them and fighting to make the world how it was back during the Golden Age. Though it will never be the same after all the ages of terrible destruction and death. Even the soul of our planet, Gaia, has been asleep for many years due to the trauma of losing so many of her children.

For those who would argue that the demons could simply just be lying to me about these events, it does not explain why they have helped me to better myself or how they have protected my loved ones in times of need. They ask nothing of me but to evolve as a person and to show open-mindedness towards their harsh history. I do not hold hatred or bias towards those involved in monotheistic religions (unless they act oppressive), I only have hatred towards the religions themselves and their toxic teachings. As well as the hypocrisy of how they destroyed so many cultures and people, all while incorporating their mythology into their own scriptures.  

If we want to learn the truth, we first must question everything we already believe in and then speak to the spirits, as they know far more than we ever will. You can ask any deity you like and they will all say that they hate Jehovah, for he has pulled the veil of ignorance over this world in order to consume it. For anyone who truly seeks answers, keep this account by the demons in mind and ask any gods you want about the truth. Each deity and demon I spoke to said the same, and all had lost family due to this traumatic War against the tyrant god. These religions save no-one, we must take accountability and strive to become better without begging for forgiveness all the time and expecting mercy to be handed out just for bowing down to a god who kills those who defy him. All scriptures of monotheism are nothing but books of manipulation and holier-than-thou mentality; this creates corruption and false spirituality in the end.

The Angels

[dogs-over-people]

So I’ve been inspired by @loveyou-x3000’s bullet point Yashahime rewrite.

I currently have an Inuyasha fanfic on hiatus called “Stuck in Time.” It focuses on Inuyasha and Kagome being stuck in the Modern Era for three years after the final battle with Naraku. I already had an idea to turn this into a trilogy, but since Yashahime is so abysmal, I will be incorporating the elements I think could have worked had Surise went a different route with their writing.

1. Stuck in Time

Summary: Inuyasha and Kagome appear in the Modern Era after defeating Naraku and wishing away the Shikon Jewel. Upon trying to return to his era, Inuyasha discovers that the well has stopped working. Trapped with no way to return, Inuyasha and Kagome must work together to find a way back.

Pairings: Inukag, Mirsan, Sesskagu, KohRin (Future), Suikik

Inuyasha and Kagome get stuck in the Modern Era for 3 years.

Older modern Sesshomaru, resurrected Kagura

Inuyasha goes to school and helps defeat Entrance Exam.

Kagome gets proper miko training with reincarnated Kikyo.

Timey-wimey shit

2. Towards Tomorrow

Summary: Armed with knowledge about events to come, Inuyasha and Kagome return to the Feudal Era after the well reopens. Can Inuyasha and Kagome protect their friends, raise their family, and help save the future?

Inukag raise their family. Moroha is the oldest of three.

Mirsan Family is the same, except the twins and Hisui are closer in age. Sango and Miroku get married after the battle, but do not become pregnant until Sango is 18. The twins are born 9 months later. When Kagome and Inuyasha return, the twins are one and Sango is in her earliest stages of pregnancy with Hisui.

During the three years Inukag are in the Modern Era:

Sango is still an active demon slayer even though she has young children. Sango and Miroku live in Kaede’s village. Sango trains the villagers. Miroku and Kaede work together.

Kohaku continues his training. He lives with Sango and Miroku and their kids. Kohaku wants to rebuild the Demon Slayer Village. Sango wants to as well, but thinks it would be better to wait until both Kohaku and her children are older.

Rin lives with Kaede and is learning to be a midwife and healer. Rin has expressed desire to learn how to be a Demon Slayer, but Sango, Kaede, and Sesshomaru believe it would be best for Rin to wait until she is 11 or 12 to start training. In the meantime Rin will focus on healing, midwifery, and learning how to be a normal child.

Sesshomaru looks for ways to resurrect Kagura. His pride was severely injured when he could not save her from death, and he hates the feelings of guilt, regret, and remorse that have consumed him ever since. Sesshomaru visits the village every few months to check up on Rin and Kohaku. Sesshomaru provides Rin with new kimonos as she grows, and helps train Kohaku when he visits. Sometimes, Sesshomaru will leave demon bones at the entrance to the village for Sango to use to make weapons.

Kagura is resurrected. She is a half-demon with a human heart, the heart she had at the time of her death. She and Sesshomaru travel together. Kagura does not visit the village with Sesshomaru, but helps Sesshomaru pick the best kimonos for Rin from the ones Jaken retrieves. 

Sesshomaru and Kagura get secretly married. The twins are born around the same time as Moroha, about a year after Inukag’s return. Sesshomaru brings the twins to visit Rin and Kohaku. Everyone is surprised except for Inuyasha and Kagome who know. Sesshomaru doesn’t know that Inukag knows, and they must keep this knowledge to themselves.

When Inukag Returns:

 Inukag gets married. They spend a year readjusting to the Feudal Era. During this year they become pregnant with Moroha. Hisui is born. Kagura becomes pregnant with the twins (not in the village). 

Kohaku starts to go on extended training trips with Sesshomaru, and sometimes on his own. Kagura remains with Inukimi when Sesshomaru visits the village or helps Kohaku train. Rin is continuing her healing and midwife training, and now that Hisui is born, Sango will begin to teach her the basics of Demon Slaying and self-defense.

Shiori and her mom move to Kaede’s Village. Shiori and Rin become fast friends. Kaede’s Village becomes a safe place for Hanyou children and their families. 

The Roothead incident happens during Kagome’s early stages of pregnancy. They defeat Roothead. He doesn’t attach himself to the Tree of Ages.

Moroha is born. Towa and Setsuna are born. KIRINMARU/ZERO/RIKU does not happen at this time, and there is no dumb comet.

When Moroha is two, Kagome becomes pregnant with her second child. When Moroha is four, Kagome becomes pregnant with her final child.

EVERYONE GETS TO GROW UP AND BE HAPPY FOR 14 YEARS.

During this time Sango and Miroku move to the Demon Slayer Village where they live during the busy season. During the winter months they return to Kaede’s Village. Kohaku and Sango rebuild the Demon Slayer Village and recruit and train new Demon Slayers.

Rin joins the Demon Slayers. She leaves Kaede’s Village at age 16 to live with the Demon Slayers. She works as Kohaku’s partner.

Shirori helps Kaede protect the village while Miroku and his daughter Kin’u go on a two year training. Gyokuto works as a healer with the Demon Slayers, and Hisui is training under his mother and Kohaku to be a Demon Slayer. Upon his 16th birthday, Sango gifts Hisui Hiraikotsu.

Moroha and her siblings grow up with Inuyasha and Kagome. Inuyasha and Kagome know that Zero has been accumulating power during these years, that she has awakened her brother, and that Riku is working as a free agent of chaos. However, Inukag can do nothing. They must accept the fate that befalls them.

Rin and Kohaku eventually turn from partners to lovers, and get married.

When the twins and Moroha are 14, Zero attacks. Sesshomaru, Inuyasha, and Kagome are sent to the Dream Dimension. Riku, who can manipulate time, sends Kagura back to a time when she does not possess a corporeal body. Kagura returns to her original form, the wind, but retains her consciousness and memories. Rin and Kohaku lead the Demon Slayers in a fight while Sango and Hisui go help protect Kaede’s Village.

Rin is injured in the battle. To help her heal so that she does not die a final time, Keade helps Kohaku place Rin in the Tree of Ages.

Koga and Ayame (yes Ayame is in here) take in Inukag’s second child, and Inukag’s youngest child goes to Miroku and Sango. Inuyasha and Kagome knew this would happen so made the proper plans to assure their youngest children were protected.

Moroha, Towa, and Setsuna need to team up to defeat Zero and Riku to free their parents and fix time so that Kagura can regain her corporeal body.

Cue Yashahime start without the bullshit of parents being absent FOR REASONS. No Towa going to the Modern Era for no reason? OG characters still have important roles and aren’t OOC. Rin ins’t a child bride or fridged in a tree for 14 years (more like a few months at most), Rin has an actual personality, goals, and agency. Kohaku and Kaede aren't dumbasses for “mystery” purposes. The girls’ powers make sense and no random power-ups because they’ve been with their parents for 14 years. Riku is still manipulative but for a reason other than what it’ll probably be in Yashahime. Kirinmaru is tired and just wants to sleep. He wants nothing to do with anyone or anything and is mad Zero woke him up. He’s unproblematic and I stan.

Zero is the big bad. No she doesn’t care about Toga. No there are no rainbow pearls. She just noticed the power vacuum Naraku and the absence of the jewel creates and makes her moves. She has to remove Inukag and Sesskagu because they’re her biggest threats. The Dream Realm is the nightmarish realm where everything is an illusion. Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, and Kagome are battling their worst nightmares trying to escape as their daughters try to save them.

3. Winds of Change

Summary: With Zero and Riku defeated, Inuyasha and Kagome can relax with their family and friends. Rin and Kohaku have decided to start their family, and are pregnant with their first child. All of a sudden, the well reopens. Called to the Modern Era once more, Inuyasha and Kagome learn of a threat that has the power to alter time and fate. With Rin and Kohaku’s future child the key to everything, Inuyasha and Kagome must protect them at all costs.

KohRin are Kagome’s ancestors.

[mellometal]

Hiyo!

For everyone new here, welcome! Glad to have you here. Hope you enjoy your stay!

For everyone who's been here for a while, Y'ALL ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

Yep, this is part two of why I hate Glee so much.

Let's get it. (If there's anything I forgot to mention, go ahead and add them on in the comments or reblogs.)

Obligatory TW: This contains subject matter that may be triggering for some audiences. The following post contains homophobia, biphobia, ableism, underage drinking, faking a pregnancy to manipulate a partner into staying with them, teachers being creepy towards students, mentioned past child m0l3stati0n and invalidation of the victim's trauma, statutory r@pe (between teachers and students), pr3datory behavior....you get the picture.

If anything mentioned above is triggering for you in any way, again, feel free to scroll past this and consume media that's safe for you.

Gentle reminder: This is all my opinion. This is my take on specific moments in the show, plus evidence to back everything up. Not asking for anyone to agree with me or anything.

***If you like the show, good for you. I couldn't care less. As long as you're not out hurting people, I don't care. Live your life.***

Sit back, relax, grab some snacks and drinks, and let's get to this thing.

How about I talk about Artie for a few minutes? He's a character I have a ton of issues with. Not because he as a character is disabled. That has nothing to do with why I have issues with Artie. The issues there have to do with his actor, who I'll get to in a minute. It's because everything Artie says that's considered problematic is excused and/or ignored simply because of his disability. They only focus on the fact that Artie requires a wheelchair to get around and nothing else. Honestly, it feels like they pity him and praise him just for being in a wheelchair. While he has had some rough times in the show, it doesn't change that he's no better than anyone and he's just as bad.

There are physically disabled actors who play roles of physically disabled characters and they never make it about how they require a wheelchair, a walker, or any other equipment to get around. An example of a physically disabled actor off the top of my head would be Michael Patrick Thornton. He plays Dr. Gabriel Fife on a show called Private Practice, which nobody mentions the chair and his character is a lot more than his disability.

Kevin McHale, Artie's actor, is an able-bodied actor who was cast as a physically disabled character who requires a wheelchair to get around. The way that Glee portrayed disabled characters in general was inaccurate, extremely unrealistic (i.e., Artie joining the football team and then being told that his wheelchair would be a safety risk....like, don't you have sports made for disabled people at that school? Because disabled sports teams do exist.), the storylines with Artie made no sense (i.e., his whole backstory, how he was the lead dancer in one episode and was never mentioned again), and it was offensive. There is a term for this that I didn't even know, and it's called "cr1pface". Basically, that's when able-bodied actors are cast as physically disabled characters. This is a reoccurring theme in live-action media and it's gross.

Glee could cast a Down's Syndrome girl JUST FINE. That's great. Love that. YET THEY COULDN'T BOTHER TO CAST A PHYSICALLY DISABLED ACTOR FOR THE ROLE OF A PHYSICALLY DISABLED CHARACTER. SPECIFICALLY A YOUNG PHYSICALLY DISABLED ACTOR. Because I very rarely see them in live-action media, if at all.

There are more physically disabled characters in cartoons than in live-action media. At least younger physically disabled characters. My point about how younger physically disabled characters need more representation in live-action media still stands. Just in GENERAL, y'all.

Artie isn't all innocent. Here are some screenshots of him sex-shaming Mary Sue and Blaine (a.k.a., Diet Br3nd0n Ur!3) for them not being close in their rendition of West Side Story:

Hey, ummm....news flash, this isn't what directors would actually require their actors to do, let alone request them to do. Unless a director is putting together an on-stage production that has anything to do with sex, they wouldn't do this. (I'm mainly talking about stage productions here, not movie productions. Movie productions are a little different in that aspect.) Also....why would a director who's supposed to be Mary Sue's and Diet Br3nd0n Ur!3's friend ASK FOR THIS? YOUR PLAY WILL NOT SUFFER IF THERE'S NO SEX WHATSOEVER. YOUR PLAY WILL BE FINE.

(I mean it this time. This is your last chance to scroll past this post, click off, whatever you gotta do. This next scene contains mentioned child m0l3stati0n and invalidation of the victim's trauma.)

I want to bring your attention to this scene:

This is the nail in the coffin for me to lose any respect I had for Artie left...which I didn't have much of, to begin with.

Ryder confides in the Glee Club about he was m0l3st3d by an older woman as a child. The older woman was HIS BABYSITTER. A person who was being paid to watch over him by his parents. An eleven year old child...just children in general CANNOT CONSENT to s3x.

(By the way, pedos, this is your daily, unfriendly reminder that your attraction to children is disgusting. Pedo apologists, the fact that you justify pedos being attracted to children is also disgusting. Get professional help. NOTHING can justify grown adults being romantically and/or sexually attracted to children. Stay the fuck away from kids. Pedos and pedo apologists will NEVER be welcome here.)

He didn't ask to be m0l3st3d as an eleven year old boy by a babysitter. When it's an eleven year old girl who gets m0l3st3d by her babysitter who just so happens to be an older man, people are more sympathetic towards the girl and condemn the man. Rightfully so. On the contrary, if it's an eleven year old boy who gets m0l3st3d by his babysitter who happens to be an older woman (like Ryder), people congratulate the boy, tell him he's "lucky", and they don't take what he went through seriously. Why? Because men are expected to ALWAYS want to have s3x, women are pretty much always assumed to be asexual and s3x-repulsed....you get my point. Men don't always want to have s3x. Women actually have s3x drives! SHOCKER.

Artie's response to Ryder telling him that he was literally m0l3st3d AS A FUCKING CHILD makes me SO angry, and I'm about to tell you WHY. They play it off as Artie being naïve and not knowing any better...ALL BECAUSE HE'S PHYSICALLY DISABLED. THEY TREAT IT AS IF HE'S MENTALLY DISABLED TOO, WHICH I CAN'T RECALL IF THEY HAVE EVER DISCUSSED THIS ANYWHERE IN THE SHOW. Seriously? Can you stop pitying and infantilizing disabled people who use wheelchairs to get around all because they use a fucking wheelchair? Naïveté is one thing (this is ONLY IF Artie GENUINELY DIDN'T KNOW anything about m0l3stati0n), but you know, they could've used this moment to teach him about m0l3stati0n and how it fucking affects people. Someone could have CALLED ARTIE OUT because he said something extremely fucked up DIRECTLY TO A VICTIM OF CHILD M0L3STATI0N! But nooooo! Apparently boys can't be victims of m0l3stati0n, according to the dumbasses plaguing the fucking planet, so I guess fuck the THOUSANDS of Boy Scouts who were m0l3st3d by their scout masters since 1944, right? /s

ENOUGH SAID. Let's move on.

The second character in this part I really wanted to get to is Mr. William Schuester, or Mr. Schue for short. Good GOD, this teacher...if I can even call him one at this point, is a terrible person and creepy as all hell. I will call Mr. Schue "Mr. Pr3dat0r" because he's a disgusting waste of splooge who should be in jail.

We can talk about how Mr. Pr3dat0r doesn't have any friends his own age (except for his fiancée, who faked a pregnancy to get him to stay with her), he was literally in the boys' locker room spying on Gary Stu (Finn) WHILE HE WAS IN THE FUCKING SHOWER because he was singing, blackmailed Gary Stu into joining the Glee Club™️ by planting drugs, he has put on racist costumes on quite a few occasions in the show, encouraged his students to twerk to the song "Blurred Lines", and got off on two of his students shaking their asses to the song "River Deep, Mountain High". He's fucking gross. I'll put down the screenshots as evidence so you can see what I'm talking about.

Mr. Pr3dat0r shouldn't be a teacher. I don't think I need to elaborate more. These pictures say enough.

[hellmry]

What do you think of this whole "ppl shipping SessRin are basically supporting paedophilia” on tumblr? I've seen lots of japapense fans on twitter and they're all basically happy for the huge possibility of having Rin as Sesshomaru's wife and the mother of Towa and Setsuna, and then I go to tumblr and see all these SessRin bashing, saying that their bond should have kept platonic, the "real" sesshomaru will not behave romantically with Rin, etc. Idk what to think? :/ What are your thoughts?

oh goody, this is going to be a long one.

it’s so ridiculous 🙄 I’ve seen this “paedophilia” argument so many times and it’s triggering how they misuse this term so much. Especially as a law student (pet peeve: people misusing technical terms and making very serious (false) accusations).

Paedophilia tends to be the umbrella term for everything with a big age gap or when one party of the couple knew the other party as a child, which shows how uneducated they are with their try hard activism. Paedophilia is a psychiatric disorder, when an adult is primary or exclusively sexually attracted to prepubescent children.

No one in their right mind ships Sesshomaru with Rin while she was still a kid, I’ve yet to see someone who actively ships them in a romantic setting with her still being a kid. All the shippers I’ve come across and fanworks made, are her being a young adult or adult.

The other term they’re throwing around is “grooming”, while thinking it means he groomed her into his wife, which is also false and a misuse of the term. Grooming happens, when an adult is befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child in order to lower the child’s inhibitions with the object of sexual abuse. Sessh didn’t approach her with any sexual intentions in mind, he tolerated her following him out of pity, which turned into being her protector after a while. As I see it, Jaken was more of a father figure for her than Sessh was. He ignored her most of the times, just watching over her and made sure she was safe (i mean, like a dog...a guard dog). And he certainly didn’t “groom” her into being his wife, that dude did not show any signs of romantic interest while she was a child. Heck, he was pretty stoic most of the times.

The fact, that people who saw Sessh as a father figure for Rin exist, is actually our strongest argument against their paedophilia accusation. They wouldn’t have been able to perceive their relationship as such in the first place, if there were ANY romantic advances or signs while she was a child. Wanna see and read about a real pedophile story/relationship? Go read Lolita by Vladimir Nobakov, it’s disturbing.

Another form of grooming happens, when someone is manipulated until they’re isolated, dependent and more vulnerable to exploitation (can also happen with adults). Though it was only a filler episode, in episode 162 (Forever with Lord Sesshomaru), Sessh even gave her the free choice to either stay with humans or follow him (with his trademark line “do as you please”). In the Manga she was staying with Kaede in the end. And she was friends with Kohaku. She mostly fended for herself (with Jaken), foraging for food in the wild or secretly on farms. Rin was certainly not isolated or dependent. I’m not even digging into the exploitation point, because there is nothing to say.

I admit, they way SessRin developed is not completely unproblematic and the biggest factor is, that he met her while she was still a child. I can agree with that, but most SessRin shippers do not ship them because he knew her as a child, but because she was the first one who he cared for. If you break it down, it’s pretty much the cold-emotionless-bad boy-falls-for-a-girl-after-being-shown-kindness-for-the-first-time trope. SessRin shippers would’ve also shipped them if Rin was the same age as Kagome the first time they’ve met. Rin being a child when they met is not the base of this ship, it’s their relationship and how she broke through Sessh’s walls and that she was the first (human) being he ever cared for. She was also the reason Sessh slowly began to accept Tenseiga as his sword.

People who are saying Sessh went out of character and should’ve stayed on platonic terms with Rin, clearly have no idea about storytelling and character development. Sessh is a dog demon. Inuyasha is a dog demon. Inu no Taisho was a dog demon. Rin is a human, Kikyo was a human, Kagome is a human, Izayoi was a human. Basically, dogs love humans and create very strong bonds with them. Even staying loyal when their owner mistreats or abuses them. The whole series builds up on this dog-human dynamic. Basically every romantic interest involving a dog demon ended up being a dog-human pair. What’s not clicking?

I also find it quite funny, how some of those people can also ship Kagome and Inuyasha while preaching their (false) paedophilia speech in the same sentence. Kagome was 15 when she met 200 year old Inuyasha. 15. That’s a teenager. I’m 26 and when I see 15 year olds, they look like toddlers to me. I don’t see anyone advocating for Kagome’s minor rights. The whole world flipped when Drake was dating a 18 year old but the fandom is still pretty silent about the fact, that Kagome was also 18 when she was married to 203 y/o Inuyasha in the epilogue. InuKag and SessKag shippers don’t get the same criticism as SessRin shippers, even though Kagome is also still a minor and that’s where you see the hypocrisy.

They can ship her because her design looks older and it’s easier to forget that she’s 15/18. Usagi from Sailor Moon was 14 when she met and began a romantic relationship with Mamoru, who was 17. Even though both are considered minors, 14 is a lot different than 17 but nobody bat an eye for that either. Probably it’s because Usagi doesn’t look like a 14 year old. Kagome doesn’t look like a 15 year old. But Rin looks her age, she looks like an 8 year old when they first met, evoking a different perception in people of being a minor, the age gap and her vulnerability. That’s the only reason I can think of, why people are fine with InuKag, SessKag, KogaKag and whatever, even though it’s essentially almost the same setting as with SessRin. Rin is a minor, Kagome is a minor, they both are protected by their stronger and much older demon travel partners. And its hypocritical to try and argue a difference because grooming and abuse of an 8 year old is such as horrific as of an 15 year old. If one of them is a victim, then both are.

I’m not trying to shit on InuKag or other Kagome ships btw., I love Kagome and InuKag, I’m just trying to show the hypocrisy in their fake activism, because it’s not based on facts and information but rather on subjective feelings and perception. It’s fine and legitimate to not like SessRin because of said reasons, but it is wrong to judge others for shipping it and accuse them of supporting paedophilia. People who are triggered by SessRin, should stay away from it but leave those alone, who enjoy it.

Oh and before someone runs their mouth at me and use personal history as an argument, I’ve been a victim of paedophilia and grooming myself. I was touched and molested by my private tutor for years between 5th and 7th grade. But I’ve overcome my trauma, educated myself and I’m able to tell fiction from reality. Nobody watches Inuyasha for relationship and dating advice. Misusing terms is actually harming the ones involved and projecting one own’s traumas and struggles onto others, by shaming them for shipping something is not helping anyone and doesn’t make a difference at all.

Lastly, no SessRin shipper is condoning real life child/adult relationships. We are able to ship them because fictional stories are less dimensional than real life situations are. Fictional relationships have less nuances, cherry picked dynamics and moments that make us perceive them in a specific way. It is man made. What seems romantic in a fictional story (even between two adults) may be littered with red flags or less exciting and boring in a real life setting. People consume fiction mainly for entertainment, not for real life and dating advice.

Remember, this is just a fictional story, just chill the f out.

[pantheon-god-of-war]

I made a post on Twitter and learned that Pantheon x Aphelios is a genuine ship like Aphelios x Sett is? Honestly I only ever cared about 200 years when I kicked his face in while ulting bot. I think his story while tragic is very isolating. So I went back to read through the lore of his again to make sure I remembered everything correctly from the first time I read it back when he was released. 

Now bare in mind I do not ship bash, if you like the ship more power to you, I won’t discourage anyone from shipping what they like. It’s all fiction. That said I will analyze the two of them and see if I can find some common ground from the lore material we have. 

Aphelios and Alune were both children of the Lunari and were heralded to be these great children of destiny for the lunar faith. From a young age they had all this weight thrust upon them to defend the Lunari as fighter and seer. This supposed great destiny, while it turned out to be true is quite brainwashing for young children and incredibly manipulative. It is stated that Aphelios had a very strong and deep connection with his sister which in turn hurt him when she was not there since he likely felt isolated and had severe problems fitting in with others. Its a common phenomenon that certain individuals who have a singular best friend or sibling suffer immensely when that person leaves and they are left to deal with others, much like some of us have most fiends online these days and desperately wait for said friends to get on so they will have company. It even says that without Alune his faith wavered, clearly tying him immensely to her so much that there is a dependency on her closeness that correlates to his effectiveness in combat or even as a functioning human being as it is said that he lost his very purpose. It seems like while Alune firmly believes in the Moon Aphelios believes in her and whatever she stands for, so will he. I don’t want to say Moon Simp here because they are brother and sister but in essence he very much does what she commands, even in game. Its a very unhealthy sort of hyper dependency as without her he just falls apart. 

In this desperation he comes across noctum on a spiritual journey and consumes it only to later understand that he is to live as a conduit for Alunes magic. I like this excerpt out of his story because it highlights the duality and the tragedy of their relationship. 

Only now did they understand their destiny. Aphelios would hollow himself out with pain, but would become a conduit for the moon’s power. Alune would live alone, isolated in her fortress, but she would guide her brother, able to see through his eyes.

While it is tragic it really takes away from his own character. He has no real will of his own at this point, Alune is faithful to the moon and guides him in any way she sees fit as she is the seer, he is merely the earthly vessel for her actions that are in the best interests of the Lunari. 

With Aphelios previously already being quite anti social as he only focuses on Alune this connection should amp it up tenfold. Imagine having the only person you really care about in your head constantly talking to you and telling you what to do so long you are under the painful influence of a harmful substance. It makes him the epitome of a living tool, because he does not speak or feel and because he is hyper fixated on his sister. When you hollow your body out with a poison that numbs you to all sorts of feelings there is really little sense for physical companionship as you have numbed yourself to the point of not being able to speak, with constant pain coursing through you. That is without Aphelios innate antisocial behavior

All and all this paints Aphelios as a silent killer who works alone, gets his missions either from Alune exclusively, or convenes with Lunari elders on what targets need to be eliminated. He very much reminds me of Agent 47, take the job, maximum efficiency, get it done, get the next job. His destiny or purpose is to serve the Lunari and keep them safe and anything that keeps him from achieving his singular purpose is either an obstacle or not worth his time. 

Pantheon is a whole new problem in that he hates everyone on the mountain, to varying degrees but still. His one big defining trait is that he stands up to the gods, aspects and darkin. He renounces the power of the aspects and the gods dominion over Targon and will fight nearly anything to follow his belief. He threatens Aurelion Sol, fights Xerath and generally just howls at every aspect ascended, demi god, or darkin there is. When mom told Atreus to pick his battles he simply said “I’ll pick em all” and off he went kicking everyone ass. 

Pantheons place in Targon is very uncertain. I said this before when he got reworked that this stance against the gods will put him at odds with everyone on Targon. The Solari and Lunari believe in their respective gods, the Rakkor or Targonians all believe in either of those gods or worship other constellations since in Targon this ascended magic is something to aspire too. People look up to the stars, ask them for guidance, read their fate in the stars, trust them and even pilgrim from every corner of the earth to worship and marvel at the gods. Pantheon would be at odds with every single person and while he won’t slaughter everyone I think the canonical thing for Pantheon to do is just leave mount Targon and fight other gods OR actually challenge and kill Leona, Diana Taric and so on. Which would be a very dark but also very possible path. Kill the aspects to show the masses that their gods do not save them and demand exponentially more than they ever return. For that Pantheon would have to end the Lunari and Solari faith and completely reshape the way people on Targon think about the stars, and as much as I love Pantheon I do not see that as something possible, nor do I see him as the kind of man who would force anyone to agree with him. He carries his rage and resentment but he will not force it upon another, rather confront the person responsible and settle it with them (the gods). 

Now Pantheon did fight with the Ra’Horak in his fight against Xerath. Where it was actually the Ra’Horak fighting Xerath before Pantheon arrived. I am guessing that was because the first sun disc was constructed in Nerimazeth and the Solari desired it for some reason, but I am getting off track here. Pantheon helped the Solari warriors, which leads me to believe that perhaps he can exist on Targon in a way. But with the circumstances I think it was more him fighting against Xerath. Since that thing was clearly a godlike entity that he was all but ready to kill. The Solari just happen to be there and he decided to aid the mortals fighting against a god, that does not mean he agrees with their beliefs. 

Had Aphelios fought Xerath, would Pantheon have helped? Sure, probably. I think Pantheon would also help Leona and Diana against Aatrox if they needed his help again. It’s all a matter of hierarchy. Who is the greatest threat and who is a lesser one. So I could see them working together against a greater common foe for sure but more I think not. 

His quote to Aphelios is at first glance more positive, but considering all the underlying character traits I think it is a little darker than what it at first implies. Pantheon knows that it is human destiny to fight for survival and only those strong and brave enough do not shy away from the pain and anguish that decision costs. Pantheon understands Aphelios motivation, why he fights, that does not mean he supports it. 

To Pantheon, Aphelios is a man so zealous and devoted to the moon that he would willingly forsake his humanity, poison himself and suffer for eternity so that he could enact the will of the moon, a god. This is going to really set of Pantheon’s past when the god of war possessed his body, forced him into the back of his own mind only to do what he wanted with Atreus flesh. That is the exact breaking point on why Pantheon and Aphelios will hardly ever see eye to eye. One of them a devoted zealot, willing to surrender it all in service to the moon, the other a warrior who despises the gods and their machinations above all else having once been at the mercy of one of them. With Aphelios added antisocial character I really doubt they would ever exchange much words. Perhaps Pantheon extends an olive branch and tries to get Aphelios to live for himself. But Aphelios would refuse, if no one else could sway him from this singular purpose in life which he has grown up with since his birth, this random warrior won’t be able to sway him either and here the line from Pantheon comes back in as a sort of, “I understand and hail your conviction.” before the fight, where he respects the resolve, but not the reason for it. 

That’s why I don’t think they are quite shippable. The only two people I could really see Aphlios with is either Diana or Taric. Diana only if she embraces her role as leader of the Lunari where she comes to appreciate what Aphelios does for her people but is worried about his own mental health, from one antisocial who has grown above it to another. She could perhaps understand and through said knowledge know how to help him open himself up more. That is if she cared enough. Taric on the other hand would feel the damage and pain in Aphelios, and as all life should be beautiful so would he try to mend Aphelios. He clearly has the warmth, care, compassion, and patience to deal with someone as secluded as Aphelios, gently prying him open until he finally lets himself feel again and maybe finally finds someone who can help him open up to other Lunari and Targonians. Isolation is a terrible thing and it leaves horrible scars. I see only Taric in a position where he could mend those scars. Pantheon likely would not care, he is cold and angered himself, no mercy for the strong, as he says. That’s why I think they would clash or would just never get past the cold nodding before combat phase. 

This isn’t to bash any people who like the ship, I just thought id give my two cent on Pantheon x Aphelios and why it never occurred to me to ship these two. I get that emo x himbo is a thing, probably also why Aphelios x Sett is so loved, but from a lore and character standpoint I don’t really see it. 

This was a post I’ll link to twitter, but if you have input or a different opinion I am always open to discussion and new viewpoints. Go crazy! 

[mightyecho]

rosamund pike . cis-female . she/her . wasn’t that polgara dragola walking the palace grounds ? it’s nice to see the king’s sister & socialite out and about on such a fine day as this. i’ve heard from the court spies that they notoriously aloof, whilst also managing to be quite wise. the forty-two year old is eager to find out who exactly is behind the killings from what’s being said at court. i heard that they themselves aren’t vrajiit . it’s funny, whenever i think of them, i think of dried roses hanging in a window over a desk, careful fingers tracing over the spines of books, delicate smiles and observing eyes, a gentle hand laid over a strong wrist. great to see the diplomat around, isn’t it ?

———   GENERAL

NAME  : polgara ‘pol’ islena dragola TITLE : sister to the king // socialite AGE :  forty-two GENDER : cis - female   PRONOUNS : she  /  her SEXUAL ORIENTATION : pansexual BIRTHPLACE : trasnavda RESIDENCE  :  trasnavda ALLIANCE(S)  : the dragola family

———   RELATIONSHIPS

SIBLINGS : basradu iii dragola, vladimir dragola, marcel dragola HUSBAND : tba. -deceased. CHILDREN : eriond - deceased ; tba. ( possible wanted connection ) EXTENDED FAMILY : mircea dragola - sister in law -deceased ; erszebet ataegina- dragola - sister in law  ; lumina dragola-anastase - niece ; servaos dragola - nephew ; varian anastase - nephew in law ; aleyna dragavei - future niece in law ALLIES: tba. ENEMIES : tba.

———   PERSONALITY

LABEL : the diplomat POSITIVE (+) : patient, thoughtful, practical, strong-willed, nurturing NEGATIVE (-) : aloof, brusque, cunning, manipulative, intimidating Optimist or pessimist? Introvert or extrovert? Daredevil or cautious? Logical or emotional? Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Prefers working or relaxing? Confident or unsure of herself?

———   HISTORY

TW: physical abuse; mild gaslighting; death; child death

her father named her polgara— beloved daughter— and oh, that she was. last born- darling baby of the family- and the only girl among a slew of older brothers. basradu had been a man when she’d been born- a young man to be sure, but a man nonetheless- and vladimir was chasing after his heels, but marcel grew with her. a half a step ahead, his two more years of life experience ahead of her own, but always close enough where she could reach out her hand for his when her own life felt too big and overwhelming. the youngest and the only girl left her isolated, sheltered for most of her earlier life, her aging father’s focus for her being seen and not heard. she focused on her studies,  devouring as much knowledge as her young mind could consume, watching the processions of court quietly from the side.

brothers that spanned from near pseudo-fathers down to closest companions but not a sister in sight and her heart craved that connection. she flitted among the young lord and ladies at court, her bright smile and wide blue eyes endearing her to those around her but it was in lady mircea that she found her heart’s sister. even before basradu had begun to court her, polgara would emulate the beautiful young lady, trailing after her like any younger sister would. when basradu and mircea were wed, it was hard to find someone who was as pleased with the match as pol.

she was fifteen when the twins were born and love she never known herself to be capable of overflowed in her heart when she held the newborn babes. they were two perfect pieces of mircea and basradu- the absolute best parts of them, she was sure- and they were so beautiful. for the first four years of their lives, she spent every moment possible in the company of her beloved sister and her darling niece and nephew. it was in those moments that she poured her heart out to mircea, the woes of a young lady at court and the battlefield of affection that came from being a beautiful young woman of influence.

when she was nineteen that battlefield was conquered, due mostly in part by basradu who had arranged a match for her. her idealization of love was based solely off her brother and sister in law, her young and girlish mind imagining a husband who looked at her with the same amount of love and respect as the king did for her queen. when she meets him at the end of the aisle and her veil lifts, she’s greeted with a hungry and self-satisfied look that is leagues away from the light that shines in basradu’s eyes when he gazes upon his wife. she had been a prize to be won- out of countless suitors that would seek her hand in marriage, it had been he who’d bagged the prize.

polgara isn’t one to give up easily and she worked hard on her marriage, met with indifference and dismissal at every turn— except for when her husband’s urges brought him to her bed. they hadn’t been married a full year before she gave him a son- eriond- and the love that she’d felt for the nephew and niece back in iarna keep had only been a taste of the love she would feel when looking into her son’s face for the first time. from that moment, everything else became secondary. her husband’s affections no longer mattered- he’d given her living, breathing love, he’d served his purpose— and truly, she only wished to go home.

her husband served basradu as master of coin and polgara would mark the passing of time by the meetings of the king’s small council. for the days leading to the journey, she would be a constant flurry of activity- ensuring every case was packed with any thing and everything, double checking with the escorts about the route ( that never changed ) - and the closer their carriages came to trasnavda, the faster her anxiety would melt to happiness and the moment she stepped foot onto familiar stone leading up to the towering castle, it turned to joy. seeing her brothers, embracing her sister and kissing her niece and nephew soundly on either cheek, she was sure that a heart was not meant to contain so much joy. she would drink up their company, reveling in the presence of those she loved most in the world, listening with wide eyes as the twins told her about their young but Very Interesting lives or attentive ears when basradu, vladimir and marcel spoke of war. pol would sit with mircea, their hands clasping one anothers while she poured out her heart to the safest harbor she’d ever had, telling her about the lack of love in her marriage, her feeling of being a stranger in a stranger land in a place she should call home by now, and the overwhelming yearning to be close to the family that loved her.

as meetings adjourned and their carriages pull away from iarna keep, a deep melancholy would overcome pol, lingering for weeks.  she would lay in bed, her eyes filled with tears that she would give no name to, missing social engagements and appearances that she was expected to be in attendance of as a lady of her position. it was an embarrassment on her husband- her behavior reflecting badly on him- and his temper flared in a way that made it so she couldn’t show her face outside for a weeks time at least. pressing her fingers against blooming bruise on her cheek, she let her heart harden against her husband. even after her bruise faded, she refused to leave, missing more engagements and causing the first whispers of rumors around the kingdom.

a letter from the keep inquiring about her health incensed her husband and her quiet rebellion caused her more grief than she had bargained for. for two weeks, she would let no one see her aside from one of her ladies, her face mottled and swollen and her ribs sore from where his boot had landed— even her sweet son, her living and breathing love, was kept from her. she wouldn’t let him see her like that. as the last of her swelling had receded and the bruising faded, another letter came from trasnavda, written in response to her husband explaining her difficulty, her refusal to perform her duties as a noblewoman and a wife and the embarrassment she was causing; polgara read her eldest brother’s familiar script, drinking in his words like they held the key to her escape from this less than happy ending she found herself in and was gifted with the message: every one has their position and their expectations— this is what we do; this is who we are.

it wasn’t a key for escape but a tool for survival. with her head held high, she stepped back into the public eye and into the sharks tank that is court. when pol slipped back into the role she’d been raised in- a princess, a sister of the king, a lady of walochnia- she did so as herself, not as the wife of a man, no matter how important he thought himself. she forged her own connections, outside of what would be beneficial for her husband. she found love- the kind she’d dreamed of as a younger more naive girl- in a member of her guard and with no care as to how it would appear to her husband, she promoted him to the captain of her guard- she made him her personal guard, never to be far from her side. the rumors of the rich and powerful never cease and when her stomach started to round with her second child, there was more than a little speculation that the child was the product of an affair.

the offense became too great, the shame too great to bear- the thought of his wife carrying someone’s bastard- and he came for her again but when he raised his hand, she didn’t cower— she remembered who she was. pulling her blade, she held it out  in front of her in warning and let him know who she was: she was polgara dragola, daughter of king basradu ii, sister to the king of walochnia, trained by the master of war and he would not put his hands on her again or it would be the last thing he did. and by a miracle of god- or the understand that one good shove and her sword would go through him- he listened.

her second child was born and whispers continued to circulate but not a word was said edgewise to pol and her husband’s lips stayed tight. in public, they were the picturesque look of rigid nobility, grace and regal ( this is what we do ) and in private, they were strangers ( this is who we are ). when he fell ill with a serious fever, pol spared him the only barest of passing concern, sitting by his bedside when his breath rattled in his chest, holding his hand and patting it while he choked on his own breath, her face never changing from the look of general disinterest as her husband expired. she accepted condolences and expressions of sorry with quiet gratitude, more focused on her children— and on how she wanted to spend not another minute in this castle. she wanted to go home. she traveled back to iarna keep with her two small children, the three of them head to toe in mourners black but when she raced into the arms of her family, there was no trace of mourning in her smile.

there had been so much time wasted on a life that didn’t fulfill her, surrounded by faces of those that didn’t love her and when mircea passes, bringing the lovely dimitri into the world, it shatters her heart, knowing that she would never again get that time with her dearly beloved sister. the weight of expectation that’s put on lumina where the young prince is concerned feels too much to ask too soon. it was almost natural to take the baby, her heart flooding with the love that it felt for servaos and lumina when she looked at his small face and she decided to help alleviate the burden on the grieving princess’ shoulders, choosing to care for the newborn. he’s not hers and she would never for a minute think of him as such- he was mircea’s and basradu’s son and she would love him as fiercely as she does her own children but until lumina was ready to take a more active role in his upbringing, she would be that soft and motherly influence. she would tell the young prince about his family- his father the king, his brave prince brother fighting the ottolan horde, his beloved princess sister who had endeared herself in the hearts of their people for her goodness, his beautiful queen mother who had been light and love made human- and make sure that he knew who he was, that he would grow strong and wise in the knowledge of those who went before him.

despite her prayers for her children to be spared of the curse of the vrajiit ( because it was a curse, she saw how her dear nephew’s powers plagued him ), god had other plans. eriond could create light- little balls of light that would float slowly from his hands, rising up and up into the stars— it looked almost like a party trick. her son had never belonged on a battlefield. he was young and scared, armed with a sword and light and the ottolans had cut him down without a second thought to the roundness of youth he had yet to grow out of in his face or the downy soft hair on his cheeks. when her boy’s body was returned to her, she thought her mind would shatter- her heart was already in pieces, why not her mind as well? the moment she saw his body, a scream rang in her mind but not a sound left her trembling lips. when they buried him, her lips never moved but her eyes screamed silently at basradu and vladimir, accusation and blame shining in hot tears that fill her eyes before spilling over her cheek: it was your war— you were supposed to protect him— i will never forgive you for this.

but they were dragolas and they would persevere. since mircea’s passing, polgara started to gather her own spies and informants- some employed in the court of spies by her brother, slipped extra coin for their knowledge and others employed by her personally, spying in her own house. she is a constant face at any court event or social gathering, maintaining relationships with the warden houses and with the lesser nobility, being that demure face and gracious demeanor that colored the dragolas favorably and gathering what information ‘friends’ allow to pass between one another while her network of spies works their own angles. of course, she shares what she learns with her brothers should they seek her council— but there is some pieces of information she won’t. one never knows when they’ll need leverage.

from the beginning she’d been a staunch supporter of mina’s marriage to the lord anastase- it was a good match, danruba was a powerful ally. the most she’d been prepared for was a post wedding baby boom among the maids and ladies in waiting— certainly never imagined a dragon attack. her mind had been on dimitri, grabbing him and carrying him through the crumbling ballroom, running for safety. she’d thanked god on her knees that night, holding the young prince close and weeping when news reached her that they were all alive- her brothers, her dear servaos, her brave mina. the attack had shaken her and at first, she had been in favor for the trials— justice had to be served. however the manner in which they were performed and how things quickly devolved had the first edges of doubt in her brother creeping around the corners of her heart and mind and when he named accused traitors with no evidence, that doubt flared and her mind was a panic in how on earth would she repair the bridges basradu was burning?

the pardons were a smart move— the right move and polgara stands behind princess mina’s decision in the face of her brother’s anger towards his daughter. pol has never has a problem telling her brothers they were wrong and she tells him now, unfazed by any anger that might be directed her way; mina had been right in setting those people free, trying to earn back the trust of the people. the rumor mill continues if not thrives in the wake of tragedy and whispers of madness have reached pol— once upon a time she would have scoffed and dismissed them with a wave of her hand; nowadays though, the word pops in her own mind more than she’d care to admit. and basradu still has not named an heir— polgara knows that’s a shit storm coming and she will do whatever is necessary to get ahead of it in order to ensure that what the people of walochnia saw was a unified front: house dragola.