#I didn't check for grammar mistakes sorry

[theghostwrites]

I love how satisfying the Willow finale was in terms of storytelling. My personal faves were Willow getting over his imposter syndrome, and guilt over past mistakes to become the fatherly figure Elora needs. He transcends the mentor archetype to become an everpresent beacon of strength and hope for her, even choosing Elora "over" his real daughter. That is not to say that he doesn't love Mims more, but he chooses the safety of the savior of the world, rather than letting his very human fear for his daughter lead him astray. It would have led him on a not less honorable (IMO) quest to save one person. And yet, by refusing himself, by assuming the spirituality of his role beyond being a mere teacher, that's what ultimately will save Mims and his people.

The second bit of imagery that made me insane was Elora's magical kiss (I don't know how else to refer to it) and how she refused to give it to Airk, parallelling episode 5. It looks to me as a representation of her connection to both of the guys. It's interesting how she refuses to kiss Airk while they are in that lovely, bright, perfect scenario where they are back to an idyllic yet completely fake past. He, who was literally Prince charming and the reason she embarks on this journey in the first place. Not bc she wants to figure out who she is or her place in the world (which happens to be its savior, no less). She even rejects who she is and tries to escape it.

In contrast to this, she actually shares the magical kiss with Graydon as a horrible, dark past is revealed to her. A version of it, in which the intimate exchange of the essence of their beings connect, but their physical (sexual/romantic) connection is strongly hinted at, but they're not at that point with each other yet.

He is the diametric opposite of pretty boy Airk. Graydon is reserved, grumpy, a pawn to his power-hungry father's schemes, and a scholar. He wears all black and has physical reminders of the evils in the world. And I'm obsessed with the fact that by knowing and accepting Graydon throughout the season, Elora shifts the focus of her spiritual quest inwards. Elora starts embracing who she is, training her magic, and LO AND BEHOLD Graydon is a sorcerer too. The animus to her anima. In knowing him, she knows herself. She comes into her power. Her relationship with Gray serves as a parallel for her self-acceptance.

Graydon says it himself, by loving her, his anima, he self actualizes into a brave, good man, even improving his magical skills. This leads me to theorize they are meant to rule together in the end, complementing each other, as equals, but that's a topic for another post.

[books-are-my-life-stuff]

(WARNING: This review will cover the series in its entirety, including the manga, so there will be major spoilers ahead, please tread carefully. This is also a VERY, VERY lengthy review. Should you decide to read this, it's recommended to read this from my blog instead of dashboard/search.)

Mashle: Magic and Muscles! At long last, I am finally able to talk about this series in its entirety since the series' original manga has ended, and the anime has finished its first season too. This is one of the two series that I followed regularly this season other than OnK.

So, I have been keeping an eye on this series for quite a while. It all started when one of my favorite artists from a well-known series that I love as well, has moved fandom to this series. From that time, they started drawing artwork, posting manga screenshots, and retweeting various artworks of this series, which interest me. But when I decided to follow the series, an anime adaptation was announced, so I held off from reading the manga and watching the anime first, then if it was good enough I'd pick up the manga.

So, what makes me look forward to this series every week? I will talk about this series as a whole, what I like about it, and my criticism of it. These are just my thoughts and opinions, your mileage may vary.

Since this review will be very long, I'll put separate sections between them to help me organize my thoughts. No promises on how "organized" this ends up being, though. Most of these are just my endless rambling and word vomit.

I. GENERAL

As I have mentioned in my OnK review, this show is more of a personal favorite of mine than an objectively great series, which is why I recommend OnK more than this. When I first watched this show, I was thrown off at how strange and weird it is, but in a good way.

The story is about a boy named Mash Burnedead, who can't use magic, who lived a peaceful life with his adoptive father while eating cream puffs and doing muscle training deep in a forest away from the city. In Mashle universe, anyone who cannot use magic should be killed, so when the cops found out about his lack of magic power, they went to hunt him down. Mash managed to survive the ambush and protected his father thanks to the result of his diligent muscle training, but his peaceful life was forever robbed...until one of the cops gave him a deal that he had no choice but to agree on or else he'd be hunted down forever: enter the magic school and become the next Divine Visionary, without any magic.

The premise and the setting seem bleak--a world full of discrimination--but this is, above everything else, a comedy, gag, and parody manga, that sometimes you forgot that the characters live in a terrible world. If you are familiar with a certain magic academy franchise, you'll see there are just so many aspects in this series parodying and criticizing that specific franchise. From the magic high school concept, uniform design, the dorm system, and how students are assigned to the dorms, even one of the sports and some of the characters' designs and personalities, are parodies of that franchise. This is great for me because I've always wanted to remove that franchise away from my memory. This and Wit.ch H.at A.tel.ier are the series I need to forever erase that franchise from my mind, replacing it with better series.

I think the main selling point of this series is how Mash will find his way to solve his problems despite lacking any magic potential. Keep in mind that it's implied Mash is not the only magicless person in the universe, he's just the only one that survived at the moment. There are potentially a lot of other magicless people like him, but they've been exterminated without mercy. So, he's not a special person by any means, he just happens to be the only one who can survive thanks to his adoptive father. And thanks to his adoptive father's patience, as well as his kindness when raising him, Mash can grow up and remain a kindhearted person, even in a cruel world that wishes him to drop dead, all the way to the final chapter. That does not mean his kindness and patience are boundless--he's more than capable of feeling upset if his enemies cross the line--but he's still generally a good-hearted person.

Of course, it's nothing new for the protagonist of the series to face any kind of discrimination with kindness and willpower, which is common in a lot of shounen mangas, but I always find Mash's journey to be inspiring, and heartwarming for me. And of course, hilarious. Yes, don't forget that this is a comedy and gag manga first and foremost. So the main focus of this series will often be the comedy and gag, but beneath it lies a heartwarming journey that is actually nothing unique or groundbreaking, but consistent and fun.

Which brings us to the ultimate question: what do you expect from this series? I think the reason why Mashle remains under the radar on the Western side even after the anime's adaptation is that people are often expecting something more than just "Mash finding a way to solve problems and defeating enemies without magic". They expect more battles and more action than comedy, even though Mashle focuses more on the latter. There will be more action and backstory akin to the shounen-demographic series in a similar vein, but this series is often about Mash performing a ridiculous feat without magic and everyone freaking out about it. That's what makes this series as it is. That's what makes the series extremely fun to watch and read for me. Mash didn't just use his muscle to power through things or kill enemies in one punch, but he also uses his spontaneous thinking to outsmart his enemies. A lot of his enemies are not easily defeated with just a punch, some of them are even invulnerable. The interesting part is how Mash gets through the enemies' gimmicks with the limited tools that he has: muscles, sports skills, spontaneous thinking, cream puffs, and some sassy words. That, I think, is what makes Mashle entertaining, and gives a different feel compared to the other shounen-demographic series. It rarely takes itself seriously, because this is a comedy manga. Mash's incredible and nonsensical feats, including his friends' reactions, are part of the gag in this series. But this series also has some surprisingly heartwarming and tear-jerking moments slipped between all the laughs, which can throw people off guard, including me.

That is the kind of series Mashle is for me, and what makes me like it a lot. It's not fully serious, you are not supposed to take it seriously despite the bleak premise, and if you are into a life journey of a good simple-minded boy who fights through discrimination for the sake of his family and friends through strength and spontaneous thinking, if you are into series who are just absurd and nonsensical but fun, then this is for you. It's not for everyone, but it's very popular in Japan (and apparently France too). You can give this a shot if that kind of series is what you are into. Just make sure you prepare a cream puff and a cup of hot tea because cream puffs are everything in this world!

II. STORY

Mashle is often promoted as an "abnormal magical fantasy with an easy-to-follow story", and it's true for me. The plot never goes way too convoluted or complicated. It stays on the rail, is simple, and is consistent from the beginning until the end. I've seen people call it boring since there's not really much of a plot twist and sometimes the outcome of the battles is predictable. However, in my opinion, sometimes simple and easy-to-understand plots are better than plots that are too difficult to follow. This makes Mashle a series that can be enjoyed by many people, a series that you don't need to think much about, just take a seat and enjoy the ride.

This does mean there will be a lack of discussion and speculation about the story due to how simple it is, but I don't think it's a bad thing. I like enjoying a straightforward story as a refresher from a tiring or stressful day. From the beginning, you might be able to predict that this story will end happily, and eventually, Mash will be able to live happily and safely with his family and friends. He will be the next Divine Visionary, people will admit his strength and no longer discriminate against him anymore. Perhaps you can already see that kind of ending from miles away.

However, the journey is what's important. What kind of hardships, and what kind of road that Mash has to traverse in order to be a Divine Visionary and regain his peaceful life with his family back? What kind of fight that he has to go through, and difficulties that he has to endure? Following Mash's strange, hilarious, and heartwarming journey is very entertaining. It almost feels like the reader is a part of them (Finn often being the character that calls out Mash's ridiculous feats and explains everything that's happened so as to not leave the audience/reader behind), and when Mash does get what he wants, it is portrayed like a bird leaving its nest. Looking back at everything that's happened, even a happy, predictable ending that you probably can guess miles away, is much more welcome. It's especially helped by the fact that the series rarely overstays its welcome--it's only 162 chapters, and possibly three seasons of the anime. It's long, but not too long to be exhausting to follow. I am never a fan of series that goes on for way too long, which is why I rarely follow the big shounen-demographic series nowadays, and would rather enjoy whatever series that I'm interested in.

Being shounen-demographic series, this of course has some common elements such as power levels, tournament and training arcs, and plenty of battles. There are some generic shounen-demographic series elements here and there despite it being a parody, but battles usually don't last for too long, save for some exceptions. There are some battles that happen just because they had to, and some battles are less entertaining and less relevant than others, but since those don't go for way too long, I can deal with that. There were some battles that went on for too long, which I will talk about later.

What's strange about Mashle is how important Mash's role is in keeping the charm of the story, because there's almost no one in the cast that can maintain the original charm of the series other than him. He's the main character and the (partial) titular character, yes, but as I said, the main part that intrigues me about the series first and foremost is the ridiculous and absurd feats of Mash to overcome challenges offered by his enemies. It's unfair that he hogs most of the spotlight to the point that some main characters didn't get their chance (some still don't, even until the final chapter), I'm pretty sure Hajime Komoto, the series' original creator, at some point, realized that, which was why Mash got knocked out of commission twice.

However, when other characters do get the chance to shine in the final arc, while it's great to see and learn more about them, Mashle becomes the standard shounen-demographic series and I find myself missing Mash's existence in the series a lot when he was absent. The unique comedy and gags that are mostly from Mash's ridiculous antics are missing, and the series lacks the charm that appeals to me in the first place. I understand Komoto-sensei's decision, it's necessary to give the main characters more depth and more moments (Volume 13 of Mashle is one of my favorites for a reason), but it dragged for a little too long. Master Doom's fight in particular is the one battle where it started to go on for a little too long for my liking. The Innocent Zero fight was the worst offender, though, as it knocked Mash out of the picture AGAIN, and things went a little too serious and too grim, even for Mashle's standard. Yes, it gave moments to the other characters, but what's annoying about the Innocent Zero fight is that he's like a classic RPG boss with multiple forms, so even when Mash regains his consciousness, the battle still drags on for several chapters until it finally ended properly at chapter 160. The comedy and gag elements that are usually present were completely missing when Mash was on the verge of losing during the final hour against Innocent Zero's final form as well.

I've seen some criticism coming from the final arc as well, so I'm not the only one who thinks the final arc went a little too long, which is odd because this case only happened at the final arc. Usually, Komoto-sensei knew the right length for a fight, but Master Doom and Innocent Zero fights were annoyingly lengthy.

Despite some problems here and there, Mashle is still a greatly entertaining series story-wise. This being Komoto-sensei's first series (his other works prior to Mashle are one-shots) is amazing already. Komoto-sensei did say in one of the Q&A corners that Mashle was intended to be short and sweet, but he was determined to give Mash true happiness before truly wrapping things up, thus ending up making the series longer than it was initially planned. It's relieving that Komoto-sensei never wanted the series to overstay its welcome.

III. CHARACTERS

In this section I will talk at length about my top three favorite characters of this series, briefly about my fourth and fifth favorites alongside honorable mentions, then my criticism about this series' characterization.

Mash Burnedead (& Regro Burnedead)

I love this cream puff-loving boy so damn much. Being the main protagonist, he has the advantage of carrying this series' main charm and unique points, as I have explained in the Story section. Seriously, it's unfair that he hogs most of the spotlight in the series but Mashle lacked the unique gags and comedies without him, he's the reason why this series was so entertaining in the first place. He stuttered whenever he tried to lie, he brought cream puffs in his robes and ate them ANYWHERE, including in the final boss fight, he wants to be a patissier and live happily, he sassed everyone no matter who they are, he masters a lot of sports, and he just never stops being confident despite everything...I just can't help but to root for him. Especially because he's a marginalized person in the magic society, a lot of people really went out of their way to make his life difficult or kill him, but he never lost his kindness. As Rayne ever described in his fight against Macaron, Mash fights against his fate. Mash never hates himself and regrets why he is born in this unforgiving society. He never laments about his lack of magic. Even his father once apologized for not being able to give him a normal life, but Mash instead said how happy he was for all the good things that happened in his life: his father always looking out for him, experiencing school life, having great friends, and eating a lot of cream puffs. He also has a really strong determination to keep going no matter what, no matter how brutally injured he is, he wants to stay alive for the sake of living in peace. He is honestly admirable.

And the reason why he becomes the person that can inspire (and surprise) people around him is because of his adoptive father, Regro Burnedead. Regro is someone who is born without amazing magic skills, and from him, we learn that even people that have magic, if the magic is not powerful enough or follows society's standard, those people will be shunned from society as well. The magic world is truly an unforgiving place, so much so that Regro attempted to jump out of the building because he didn't feel like he was needed anywhere...until he found baby Mash abandoned. He found that Mash didn't have a mark on his face (thus magicless), and from there Regro felt like he had to shelter the baby or he'd be killed. For the first time in his life, Regro felt like he was needed, so he was determined to take care of Mash with everything he got and taught him with kindness and care. Regro probably didn't realize back then, that he had undone the generational trauma rooted in this society by raising Mash with kindness. And because of Regro's teaching that Mash can survive in this cruel world, make many friends and allies, and eventually, change the world and society of the magic world as a whole.

It's honestly difficult to talk about how much I love Mash without talking about how much of a great father Regro is, especially in the magic world where most parents there are downright awful people who determine their children's worth from their magic, and can easily dispose of them. So, to see a wholesome family relationship and how big of an impact it makes is really nice, and heartwarming. It also pays off in Chapter 158:

This chapter is one of my favorites of the series as well because Mash had finally gotten the appreciation and reward of his endless effort for a right to stay alive and live peacefully with his family and friends. On top of that, his father expressed how much he's proud of him, and Mash replied by saying that it's Regro's teaching that made him able to reach this far, it really hits me. This is supposed to be a gag manga and I'm crying! Over this wholesome father and son relationship! As if this chapter cannot get any better, Mash visibly smiled at the end and expressed how happy he is to meet everyone...god, I love this series. I love Mash and his father. Regro adopting Mash is what caused the chain of events in this series to happen, and the world could change to be better. Imagine if Mash had stayed with his original father who only wanted to use him...the world would surely have become worse. I'm glad that Regro is Mash's de facto father and the only one he wants to consider as his father, not Innocent Zero.

And in the final chapter, I am happy that while he is still the first magicless Divine Visionary, he wants to focus more on his dream: to be a patissier, and he lets Lance handle the celebration formalities (poor Lance). He becomes a Divine Visionary so he can live peacefully with his family and friends, stop discrimination and change society for the better, but he still wants to make cream puffs forever. On top of that, he has erased his fake magic mark and can finally live as himself, no longer pretending to be someone he isn't to avoid being persecuted. His love for cream puffs is never-ending, and so too is his love for his family and friends. I love him, and I'm so glad he's living happily with his friends.

2. Finn Ames

Honestly, if you know how often I like the younger sibling character in a complicated sibling relationship, it's not hard to tell why I would like Finn a lot. But before getting into that part, let's talk about Finn in order. For the beginning of the series--hell, even for the entire season 1--we don't know what he's capable of. What kind of magic that he has, and if he will or can do anything at all. Apart from the basic magic used to silence Mandragora in Episode 5 of the anime, Finn does not use any magic at all. Even in the fights, he only stood on the sidelines and did absolutely nothing other than be scared and cry. I don't blame people who watch only the anime to think about Finn as a mere hindrance to the team, I saw and heard that criticism a lot, and I will not blame them to think that way. Hell, if you're anime-only and decide to read this post for whatever reason, you might be wondering why I like Finn so much.

The thing about Finn is that his character development is very slow, and takes a while to get there. Unlike other characters who get their moments and even their own battles even early in the series to show what they're capable of and what their characters are, Finn is not like that. He's similar to Ruby (of OnK) in being the main character who barely has their moments until much, much later. And once he gets his moments, it pays off so damn well. Finn's moments are rare but when he does get the spotlight, it's great. You will not see it until the second season, but there would be a time when Finn had to fight a powerful student from the Orca dormitory, Carpaccio, alone. Then at that time, Finn would finally use his personal magic, and that was also the time that marked Finn's character development. Finn in the past would turn around and run, or give up everything that he had to avoid being killed, but after his meeting with Mash, Finn has slowly changed to be a better person. He finally has the courage and determination to stand up against people who bully, belittle, and cruelly compare him with his brother. He might be scared, his magic is support/utility-based and thus he cannot attack or do much, but he would not abandon his friend and would protect them even if it meant he'd risk himself getting killed. This is the result of Mash standing up for him against Lloyd Cavill for Finn's sake at the beginning of the series, Finn has become a loyal and admirable character, especially for the sake of his friends. And the time Finn spent together with his friends, the encouragement he shared for Mash when he gave up on studying, how much the moments he shared with his friends motivated him to keep going even when things are dire... there are just so many moments to showcase that Finn has truly grown since the first time we met him, later on in the story.

Now, let's talk about Finn's complicated sibling relationship. Having a big brother who's basically a genius prodigy in everything he's doing can make his life hard. The characters in the series would often compare him and Rayne, he's best known as "Rayne's little brother" than as himself, and it didn't help that Finn and Rayne's sibling relationship was best described as "strained". Finn thought it was his lack of notable magic skills that made his brother disappointed and eventually kept a distance. After discovering that wasn't the case, Finn could finally stand up on his ground and, despite his lack of offensive magic skills, managed to assist his brother in the fight against Delisaster. And it's not just a mere assistance either, Finn is the healer of the group, and no matter how powerful Rayne was, even he could not handle the enemy who regenerated every time. Finn's healing spell, after training with one of the Visionaries, could outpace a regeneration from the enemy and eventually, helped Rayne not just to survive the fight, but also defeated Delisaster. At this point, Finn has changed from someone who could only helplessly watch the fight unfold, to the person who is very needed for the team's survival, thanks to his magic being improved to a healing spell. The brothers also have mended their strained relationship, and they can finally learn to accept each other's help and be more open as well. Finn's character development genuinely fascinates me, he's such a sweet-hearted boy who tries his best despite his lack of abilities, and he is very loyal too. Even when he's scared and cries, once you understand his situation, his reactions make a lot of sense. I love him so much.

The catch? If you are anime-only, you will not be seeing any of these awesome Finn moments for a while. The battle against Carpaccio? Probably happens in mid-Season 2 of the anime. The explanation of Finn and Rayne's strained relationship? Won't happen until either the third or fourth season depending on how far season 2 will adapt the story. Finn is noticeably less popular than his brother because he needed a while to get his impactful moments. So, yeah, I won't be able to explain why I like Finn without spoiling the story later on. For now, you will only know him as the tsukkomi of the group who reacted to Mash's ridiculous antics, and the person who stands on the sidelines as the battle unfolds. Doesn't change that I still like him a lot after reading the manga, and I'm glad I decided to read it, otherwise, I'm not sure I would like Finn as much as I do now.

3. Rayne Ames

The mysterious prodigy from Adler dorm, the youngest and newest Divine Visionary before the final chapter, and Finn's older brother. Also arguably the most popular character in Mashle (if the comments on his debut episode, the number of fanworks related to him, and the overpriced Rayne merchandises sold in second-hand stores are anything to go by). He made a cameo in the first episode when he was newly chosen as the Divine Visionary, indicating that he would be an important character later on. Well, he is kind of an important character, but he never reaches the position of a main character, since he wasn't present that often. But when he did, the impact he made was meaningful.

It's not difficult to see why Rayne is incredibly popular, because I think he's near flawless as a character in a series where every character at least has flaws somewhere. People like characters that are shrouded in mystery. There was little that we knew about him until his proper debut episode, and when he finally made an entrance to the scene, he definitely left a strong first impression. Stabbing an enemy with giant magic swords and proceeded to call the enemy "trash" while beating the hell out of the said enemy, then moments later he gave Mash a bunny-patterned handkerchief. Immediately, we are shown the gap between Rayne's harsh and cold personality and the hidden sweet side that's indicated by his adoration of bunnies.

People love characters with gap moe. In case you don't know, gap moe is a term used to describe how a character acts/looks in a different way than how they usually do, and Rayne is a perfect example of that. He never smiles, he always looks tired, annoyed, and serious. He even got visibly angry and beat down the enemy while calling them trash. You wouldn't expect someone like him to like bunnies so much he had a magical pink-colored handkerchief with cute bunny patterns. You wouldn't expect someone like him to protect Mash, speak for him, and even bowed in front of his seniors for his sake, potentially risking his position as the Divine Visionary. You wouldn't expect someone like him to shut himself in his room after finishing his class/work, then threw chopped carrots all over his room as he fell asleep while his twenty (or more) pet rabbits nibbled on the food he had scattered around, sometimes they also nibbled him. My assumption is that Komoto-sensei was possibly trying to make his adoration for bunnies his weak point to make him less cool, but it wasn't even a weak point. In fact, it's his strength! It backfired and Rayne became a flawless character in Mashle. And that's not even including how he's arguably the most powerful student of Easton, having a third line as a sign of how strong his magical prowess is and can summon God of War. No wonder people love him so much, including myself. He's so popular even more than Mash himself.

At least, until the final arc we get to see his imperfections, which were hinted at a little bit after his fight against Macaron. He said that he was never good at encouraging people, and he definitely proved that. He told Finn to leave when he found out Finn was training under Kaldo (one of the Divine Visionaries) to improve his magic and participate in the battle against Innocent Zero. When Finn successfully opened the way to the enemy's lair, Rayne didn't even say anything. Even when they decided to handle one of Innocent Zero's sons, Delisaster, together, the first thing that he did after saving Finn from Delisaster's ramblings was shove Finn out of the way and called him a burden. Things went south pretty quickly as Rayne was overwhelmed by Delisaster's power and his regeneration skill, and that's when we got to know why Rayne decided to be distant from Finn. Being a Divine Visionary, his goal was to create a better world where orphans (like him and Finn) can live happily. His ambitious goal could cause backlash from society and as a result, would put people close to him in danger, which was why he created a rift between him and Finn, telling Finn to live a normal life while he handled the dirty jobs. Eventually, Finn and Rayne's heart-to-heart moments mended the rift between them and they could stand up together again as a family.

Rayne is an odd character. I like him when he first appeared because of how cool he is and how he radiated the caring senpai aura that doesn't show his soft side often. My opinion of him hit rock bottom when he told Finn to leave. But I like him again and even more after learning his backstory and after he solved the issues between him and Finn. It's also implied in the final chapter (from the panel where Finn was happily surrounded by Rayne's pet bunnies and how Finn acted so casually around him) that they've mended the rift between them and become close brothers again. I think my opinion of him generally improved after knowing that he's not as perfect as the series made him up to be. While I don't like him as much as I like Finn, he's still one of my top favorites that I'll happily talk about.

4. Lance Crown & Dot Barrett

I put these two together because their dynamic is interesting and they're also pretty good individually as well.

Let's start off with Lance. We all know Lance has issues, it's even spelled outright in his debut episode. At first, he only had his little sister in his mind, and his goal was to save her and nothing else. Later on, he met Mash and everyone. By the time he fought Wirth, Lance has started to feel some sort of care for his new friends, despite the short time they spent together, but it's only implied because Lance possibly hadn't figured out what he actually felt for his friends and whether or not the care he felt for his friends was the same or different from the one for his sister. And that's the point of his moments most of the time. He eventually realized that his sister is no longer the only person he cares about in the world, and he slowly but surely cares for his friends to the point of even risking himself to save them. The battle against Epidem meant a lot to him, defeating Epidem would mean curing his severely ill sister, but he decided to take the lethal blow directed at Dot because he holds his friends dear to him. Lance never shows his actual feelings, what he says to his friends may or may not contradict what he actually feels (or tsundere in other words), but he's still a good person who cares for his friends as much as he cares for his little sister--not that he wants to admit it.

And that's the thing with Lance, I think his character was meant to evoke complicated feelings. If we decided to ignore the elephant in the room which was Lance's severe issues, he'd be a flawless character. But Lance would be a completely different character without the severe issue that he has, so it's hard to ignore that. In the end, even though he returns to his usual self, he seems to not mind hanging out with his friends anymore, introduced them to his sister, and thanks his friends for the help against Epidem which cured her illness, which is heartwarming to see Lance finally being honest to his feelings for his friends. His sister being healthy again, even joined the friend group (and possibly entered Easton as well), made Lance smile happily at the cover of the final chapter. It's nice to see the Crown siblings can finally live happily without any of them being in life-threatening danger anymore.

Dot is the complete opposite of Lance. He always puts his heart on his sleeve, and his emotions are clear and shown through his face and action (especially because his hidden power is related to emotion). If he cares for his friends, then he makes it clear that it's what he feels. If he likes someone, then he will express it in his own way. At first, you may find Dot as an annoying sidekick who desperately wants a girlfriend and blames others (specifically Mash and Lance) for his unpopularity. But Dot's character growth becomes pretty interesting. Later on, he would arguably have the most patience in dealing with Mash's antics, become a tsukkomi duo with Finn who freaks out over everything that Mash is doing together, sometimes even plays along with Mash's shenanigans (or forced to), and he is very loyal to his friends too. His brash attitude may turn off people, but his brash and always charging head-on attitude is what makes him stand out more than Lance, Mash, and even Finn in some ways who tend to find a way to outsmart their enemies.

That being said, Dot was also one of the main characters that didn't get explored much. We knew he was an Ira Kreuz, we knew that once his emotion hit a certain threshold, he unlocked a huge amount of power that made him could compete with even the more powerful third-liner magicians. But there was no further explanation or lore behind this Ira Kreuz anymore. His family also got very little spotlight, even though he has a really cool big sister she never appeared that much. It's unknown if his big sister was also an Ira Kreuz just like him, which could be an interesting subplot of Dot's family. Thinking back, there really was a lot of opportunities to explore more of Dot's backstory, from the Divine Visionary Exam arc, but Komoto-sensei didn't take the chance. It's a shame, but at least his current personality and his relationship with other characters helped to fill the visible gaps, and I still like him a lot. His moments with Lance at the training arc and the final arc were really great too, they fight a lot but it's clear that they care and will protect each other. They're also basically Orter's students now! Orter even has a picture of him alongside Lance and Dot on his desk, which is very cute.

5. Abyss Razor

I wasn't expecting to like him a lot, especially after he revealed his backstory. He was another example of why the society of the magic world is really fucked up. Abyss happened to have an Anti-Magic eye that cancels all magic directed at him, and when his parents knew about that, he was locked inside the cell, only got fed whenever the parents remembered, and finally, his mother attempted to kill her while saying "I should've never given a birth to you!". All of those happened when he was around 10 years old. So, he ran away, living his life in solitude and isolation, enduring hatred from people around him, until he met Abel who wanted to use him as a tool. Not for long, fortunately. Abel eventually sees him as an important person to him and not just a tool anymore after Magia Lupus Arc finished.

After living his entire life being a pariah to magic society, Abyss finally felt a sense of belonging when Abel wanted him to join Magia Lupus, even as a tool initially. Hearing all of this story, Mash realized how privileged he was for being raised in a nice environment and having a great adoptive parent, he said he couldn't even imagine himself being in Abyss' position, but Mash thought about Abyss' story a lot during the rest of the arc. Mash emphasized that his attitude would not change just because of Abyss' Anti-Magic, regardless of what other people would think, and hoped they could have cream puffs together.

Abyss' undying loyalty left him injured to protect Abel from Cell War, but he managed to survive thanks to Mash giving Rayne's magical handkerchief to keep Abyss' injury from being fatal. Afterwards, Mash alongside Abyss can finally eat cream puffs together, as promised. I really like how after the Magia Lupus Arc has concluded, Abyss is now a genuinely nice person who wishes all the best for Mash and will support him however he can. His undying loyalty to people he cares about often bites him back, as proven in the battle against Domina later on, but I just adore Abyss' kindness and loyalty so much, especially after knowing his backstory. I like him. He's just another victim of the ruthless society, and once the battles are done, he will gladly befriend Mash and the main characters too.

Honorable Mention 1: Domina Blowlive

When the stage was set for Mash vs. Domina battle, I'd had enough of troubled siblings in Mashle universe, especially when it didn't really appeal to me because I didn't have strong feelings for the characters involved in it, like Madl siblings and Rosequartz siblings. It makes sense for a lot of sibling conflicts to be a common occurrence in a society where magic is everything and determines one's value, but I didn't feel much attachment for Madl and Rosequarts siblings, because I didn't have strong feelings for the individuals involved in it. For me, to get invested in a fictional relationship, platonic or romantic, it's necessary for me to like the two (or more) characters involved in it. I'm a sucker for complicated sibling relationships, but if I didn't care enough for the characters involved in them, I wouldn't be invested. So, when Domina was shown to have a similar sibling issue for Mash and the rest of Innocent Zero's sons (but especially Mash), I thought this wouldn't work out.

Turns out I unexpectedly liked Domina a lot after the battle was concluded. I didn't like him at first because of how temperamental he is, but after he accepted Mash's handshake, and saved Mash twice at the cost of his life, I like him, and I ended up getting a little invested in him and Mash's troubled siblings relationship. Not as much as I did for Ames brothers, but I like it and I'm glad he's resurrected and can live happily in the final episode along with everyone. As Mash said in his final "speech", he's just a boy who wants to be loved by his parent as his son, not as a tool.

Honorable Mention 2: Ryoh Grantz

Characters who often boast their powers, prattle on and on about how amazing they are, and narcissistic, are often only bark and no bite. I'm glad that Ryoh is not falling into that stereotype. He's very strong, it's no wonder why he's considered the greatest magician in the magic world. He often boasts a lot about himself and has a lot of confidence, which can be annoying at first, but he means well for all of that. He is putting a front in order to keep the citizens safe and not panicking, and as the leader of the Divine Visionary, he also has the responsibility to take care of his fellow soldiers, especially when Finn, Lance, and Dot joined the final fight against Innocent Zero. And even when he's nearing death's door, he still holds tight to his ideals. "Ryoh Grantz and the Definition of Handsome" is such a meaningful title once I got to read the chapter and learned what happened. I thought he would be a joke character, but now I greatly respect and like him. He's truly one of the greatest humankind in the magic world.

Honorable Mention 3: Lemon Irvine (& how she is doomed by narrative)

Lemon is a character that I truly wish I could like more, but in the end, she only could reach the third honorable mention, for reasons that I will explain below. I like Lemon's design, it's simple and cute. Her delusional but cheerful and studious personality is also very amusing and relatable, at least for me. It helps that the anime made her more gorgeous and she's voiced by one of my favorite seiyuus. As one of the main characters, she had a lot of potential to be as great as her friends...but it didn't happen.

See, the thing is, Komoto-sensei initially wanted to make all-male main casts, but his then-editor told him to create a girl character in the main group. His then-editor said that his manga wouldn't be able to be popular if it didn't have a girl in the main cast, so Komoto-sensei created Lemon, even though he was not used to drawing girls before. So, Lemon exists at the request of his then-editor.

It's honestly very apparent that Komoto-sensei wasn't really sure what to do with her. Heck, there were even times when I genuinely thought Komoto-sensei probably forgot about her. She only primarily appeared in the Easton entrance exam arc, and after that, she felt more like a supporting character than a main character. She was barely present in most of the story, and she even barely appeared in the final arc either, even though that arc was supposed to be when characters other than Mash got their chance to shine. Not to mention, she didn't get any backstory explanation, at all. She's more underdeveloped than most of the villains in the series! I have no issue with her having a huge crush on Mash and being a little too delusional about it, she is fifteen. Her possessiveness kinda weirds me out a little, and that's a consequence of what happened with her character as a whole. I just wish Komoto-sensei explored her character and background more and gave her more spotlight. It was mentioned in her debut episode that her parents live in poverty, which was why she was so determined to attend Easton Magic Academy and get accepted. There was so much potential from there, Komoto-sensei should have explored more about her family circumstances, what are the causes that made her immediately latch on to Mash, and perhaps a heart-to-heart talk with Mash (not necessarily need to be in a romantic sense), because if Lemon claims herself as the future wife of Mash then she should start talking about her past. Something... just more about her characters! All of her moments are directly related to Mash, she never gets to shine as her own individual with something more to her than just her affection for Mash. It's honestly a shame because I really like her design and I wish I could like her more, but she's doomed by the narrative. The final chapter capitalizing her yandere side didn't help matters. Well, there's your idea to expand more of her characters, fanfiction writers, only you can save her.

The truth is, personality-wise, none of the female characters in this series stands out as much as any of the male characters. Their designs are simple and cute but in the end, they got zero development and there's no backstory exploration. Lemon was the example that's most apparent since she's the main character, but if you follow the series, you will notice that other female characters also don't really have much in their personality. When Komoto-sensei finally made an interesting female character (Meliadoul), it was already in the final arc, and the bar was pretty low anyway since Meliadoul is pretty similar to a certain character in a similar archetype from a certain well-known shounen-demographic series. She also didn't get much backstory exploration, but Ochoa did. Female characters being badly written is a common thing that happens in a lot of shounen-demographic series, even ones that I like and often sings praises for, but it bothers me every time.

Well, this section ended up becoming an explanation of another big criticism that I had with the series instead of entirely about Lemon, but she's kinda related to it, so...yeah. Anyway, I like Lemon, I wish she had more screen time, development, and even a backstory explanation.

IV. ANIME ADAPTATION

Since I've read the manga, I can now talk about how the adaptation goes. I think it's serviceable and good enough to make me want to pick up the source material, something that surprisingly OnK cannot do despite it being a great show. Adaptation is a tough job. If you have read the manga, you will notice how the different kind of media affects this series in one way or another. There are some parts that hit better in the manga, but the anime sometimes smoothens the pace of the story and even added some scenes for consistency. For example: in the first episode of the manga, Mash could open and close the door normally when Regro told him to redo his training as a punishment, even though the running joke of this series is how Mash just could never open the door properly. In the anime, this was changed into Mash almost walking through the door only for Regro to help open the door for Mash so he would not break it again. Rayne's cameo in the Magia Lupus arc where he talked shit about Wahlberg was supposed to be before Lance vs. Wirth's fight, but it was moved to before Dot & Finn vs. Love & Milo to align with his debut episode. Dot's rambling in his first appearance and Mash slapping the Mandragora scene is more dramatic in the anime. Rayne's first appearance is done better in the manga thanks to the constant use of black and dark screen tones to set up his intimidating aura. There are things that the anime did better, but there are also things that the manga did better, something that commonly happens in the process of adapting one media to another. The artwork for the anime is also very nice so far, and I like it. That's for the first season, who knows how the second season will turn up.

The voice actors and actresses' lineup is staggering, though. So many big names participated in this series, whether as the main character or as supporting. I haven't been watching a lot of anime lately due to time constraints, so Mashle became the series that introduced me to Kobayashi Chiaki. And wow, his performance as Mash is just...perfect. Many people said Mash sounds exactly like how they imagine and they are all correct. I cannot imagine someone else voicing Mash anymore, his voice is permanently stuck in my head whenever I read the manga. Ishikai's performance as Lance stands out for me because he's one of my favorite seiyuus, and I didn't expect him to voice a character like Lance with that kind of voice, but damn his performance is amazing.

What's interesting is how at some point I mixed up the seiyuu between Finn and Rayne. I knew Kaji Yuki-san participated in this show, but back then I knew nothing about the series and the characters before actually started watching, and I had never watched or heard Kawashima Reiji-san's performance before. So, when Finn finally spoke, I assumed he was Kaji-san's character, since he sounded similar to the characters I often associated with him like Yukine, Alibaba, Haruaki, and Shu (yeah, I don't watch any of the shows he recently participated in). But when I double-checked, Finn was voiced by Kawashima-san, and in episode 3 I finally noticed the difference between Kawashima-san's performance and (past) Kaji-san's performance voice-wise. Finn's voice at first sounded like Kaji-san's performance of Yukine and Alibaba, but Finn sounded...more like a fifteen-year-old boy than Kaji-san, especially when Finn speaks casually you'll notice the difference. When Finn freaks out or is in his tsukkomi mode his voice sounds similar to Kaji-san. And I think it's interesting to point out the similarity because Kaji-san voiced for Rayne, Finn's older brother, to the point I assume that the seiyuu choices are on purpose. Because I associated Kaji-san more with his past roles than with his recent roles, I had no idea how he would perform as Rayne. In fact, I could not imagine Rayne being voiced at all. Until he made his appearance in episode 10, that is. I was thrown off guard by how deep he sounded, and how Kaji-san nailed the cold and harsh personality that Rayne has. It took me some rewatching of his scenes to finally get used to Kaji-san's performance as Rayne (unlike Kobayashi-san's performance where his performance just immediately matches the character), but after that, I think Kaji-san's performance is great so far. Really excited to hear my favorite Rayne moments being voiced by him, the second season will surely be a blast. Imagine the scene where Rayne summoning Ares being voiced by Kaji-san...that's gonna be so great!

The English voice has also been great so far, I like all the voices. Special mention goes to Finn's English VA, he sounds perfect! The dubbed version is still ongoing (it's still at episode 6 by the time of this writing), I am looking forward to watching more of it.

All that said...I think the anime has noticeable production issues going on. The number of animation directors that participated in the show grows in the later part of the first season (the final episode had 19 animation directors according to the official website), some scenes felt a little off, and I heard the seventh episode was also outsourced to SHAFT, the studio that made Mad.ok.a Ma.gic.a and many others (which explains why Lance looked extra handsome there, maybe he's SHAFT studio's favorite boy). That, and the fact that there's only six months break between the first and second season (which will have plenty of action scenes than the first season) is...really concerning. Aniplex really doesn't give a lot of breathing room for the animators and staff, it's worrying how the production committee treats them. I was honestly expecting at least a year minimum between the first and second seasons, but six months is very short. I can only pray for the staff and animators to take care of themselves, while at the same time, I am dreading the worst outcomes to come (delay in episodes mid-airing, or even a whole season delay like what happened with a lot of shows nowadays, major changes in story/scenes due to lack of time). I really hope it won't happen since Mashle is very beloved in Japan and this anime adaptation has been long-awaited, but if it happens, I'll be disappointed but not surprised. Blame Aniplex for this, honestly. The staffs and animators deserve to rest. This rambling about production can be an entirely different, separate talk, and I am by no means an expert at this so I can only talk from what I know.

V. ART

I am not the best person in talking about artworks, and I don't mind unusual art styles as long as the story is good, but damn, Komoto-sensei's art is amazing. For his first work, he's certainly talented. Reading Mashle means you are treated by amazingly well-drawn cover artwork and some detailed action sequences, especially when Mash is doing Mash things. When it comes to the art style, people have their own preferences (like how I never have problems with ONE-sensei's art), so I will put some examples of my favorite cover artworks and scenes (both colored ones and black & white ones), then I'll let you judge Komoto-sensei's art on your own. In my opinion, he's a very talented artist, and I would totally buy a Mashle artbook if there's any (hopefully the upcoming fan book is also an artbook).

I would love to add more examples but I've limited myself to 4 favorite colored artworks and 4 favorite BW artworks. If I didn't stop myself I would put way too much and this post was already too long lol.

VI. SUMMARY

This section is to summarize everything I have written while also adding some new information that I didn't know where else to put, the plus points of Mashle and the minus points of this series, in case you don't wanna read the wall of text (I don't blame you, it's mostly rambling).

The plus points about Mashle?

The story is simple and easy to follow, nothing too complicated

The artworks are beautiful

Battles for the most part don't last for too long

Mash is a very enjoyable main character

There are some heartwarming and touching moments when you least expect it

The comedy, gag and Mash's shenanigans are fun

The story doesn't drag on for too long and ends in a conclusive manner

The anime adaptation is good so far, the voice actors+actresses lineups are amazing

The minus points about Mashle?

The final arc and some battles in it lasted for way too long and become a standard shounen-demographic manga instead of a comedy/parody as it's supposed to

Mash carries most of the manga's charm to the point when he's gone the manga, again, became a standard shounen-demographic manga

(But if he's around he'll steal the spotlight every time and not give other characters to develop, so it's a catch-22 situation)

The simplicity and sometimes predictability of the story may cause a lack of discussion

Lemon is left horribly underdeveloped despite being one of the main characters, without any backstory or character development, even her moments didn't stand out as much as other characters and it feels like Komoto-sensei sort of forgot about her

The female characters' personalities and development are nothing to write home about

Lemon, Dot, and Lance's personalities being back to the status quo in the final episode might be unsatisfactory to some

My favorite characters in Mashle?

Mash Burnedead & Regro Burnedead

Finn Ames

Rayne Ames

Lance Crown & Dot Barrett

Abyss Razor Honorable mention 1: Domina Blowlive Honorable mention 2: Ryoh Grantz Honorable mention 3: Lemon Irvine

My favorite moments/arcs/chapters in Mashle?

Chapters involving Finn's character development and his sibling relationship with Rayne (Volume 6 chapter 52-53, Volume 7 chapter 54-55, Volume 13 chapter 115-118, Volume 14 Chapter 119)

Slice-of-life moments (Volume 5 Chapters 43 & 44, Volume 9 Chapters 73 & 74, most if not all of the omakes)

Rayne's moments (Volume 4 chapters 30 & 31, Volume 6 chapters 45-47, Rayne's secret omake, Rayne's morning routine omake)

Lance & Dot vs. Epidem (Volume 14 chapter 120-123)

Mash vs. Abyss (Volume 3 Chapter 26, Volume 4 Chapter 27 & 28)

VII. CONCLUSION

Mashle is a great series that I had lots of fun with. It's far from perfect, it has a lot of things that I have problems with, but that doesn't change how much I enjoy reading, watching, and following this series. This is a good series to enjoy if you need something fun without much to worry and think about, just relax and enjoy the ride. I will genuinely miss this series and the characters, especially Mash. However, it's been a good run and I wouldn't like it if it was prolonged for no reason. It ended conclusively, and happily. Thank you Komoto-sensei for the strange, funny, and heartwarming adventure!

Also, at the end of the day, this series is basically a huge advertisement for cream puffs. It's delicious. Go buy some and enjoy it while following the series!

[zentraex]

Summary: You made a lot mistakes in your new job, but do you regret them? Nope, not a bit. But who can blame you for it? If you wouldn't have done them, you never would have met this pretty boy.

Remember: German Grammar is a lot different then English grammar. I apologize for any mistakes.

Pairing: Francis Mosses (doppelganger) x gn! Reader

(A/N): I usually write for mha, but this men dominates my fyp on TikTok and I can't stop grinning like an idiot about all this fanarts. My men is just too attractive for his own good. Nevertheless, Tumblr has too few fanfictions for him, so I had to do it myself. Still, I am not that proud about how it turned out. It certainly sounded better in my head, but I don't care. One shitty fanficion is better than none.

Art by @asteriscks on TikTok

This game is not mine, but Ignacio Alvarado. I also used phrases from the game.

Mistakes? Yes, but no regrets.

It's been a week since you started working for D.D.D as a doorman. 

You can remember your first day so well, it could have been yesterday. 

Well... probably because your life is constantly at stake. 

_

It started with a mistake that you ended up here. It was completely unexpected since you always made sure, that you sent your rent to the right account. 

Surely no one can blame you for a small typo, right?

Well, your landlord, who kept pounding on your door until you woke up, surely did.

"What?" you asked, annoyed, as you opened the door.

"When do you plan to finally pay your bill? The date has already been overdue for two weeks!" he complains. 

What?

"Sorry, but I've already transferred my money to you."

"Well, I didn't get anything. Do you still have the receipt for the transfer?"

"No..."

You already knew what that meant: double payment.

"Look, today, I'll transfer it to your account again, okay? If it doesn't work this time, it's not my fault."

You were about to close the door, but your landlord had other plans when he held the door open with his foot.

 "No no no. You will give me the money now. I don’t trust you. Why would you transfer it to me today, when it should have happened two weeks ago. You will give it to me now."

Your eyes widened. 

Now?

"But I don't have that much money in my hand? Who's got that?"

"Then I'll have to kick you out for now. But don't worry, no one is going to buy an apartment here anytime soon, so you can move right back in as soon as you give me the money."

Staring stunned at his smiling face you could have sworn you were about to hit him. 

"The keys?" 

With watery eyes, you grabbed your keys, placed them in his outstretched hand, and frowned.

What kind of person had such sharp fingernails as he does?  

You were sure that he could definitely have stabbed someone with them.

Thank God, I didn't hit him. 

"When do you plan to give me the money? I've heard that all banks closed today. Some kind of holiday among them, I've heard."

What!?

How were you going to get through the day today? You intentionally left everything in your apartment since you were so sure that you could have given the money to your landlord in a matter of minutes. 

"You’re telling me this now!?"

"If you had paid, you wouldn’t need to know." 

That filthy bastard.

No matter how angry you were at that moment, your panic was overweighting.  

What were you going to do now? 

Shit.

"Man, I really wouldn't want to be in your situation...", the landlord murmured.

Fuck the nails- This guy deserves a punch.

Just as you raised your fist, he speaks again.

"But maybe we can agree on something.

Then you stopped. 

"The D.D.D., which is responsible for the safety of all residents in this area, is looking for doormans. Ours has recently...quitted, which is why we are urgently looking for one. They pay three times the amount of your rent in a week. If you take the job, I can overlook your sloppiness this time."

Three times your rent? In a week? And for what? To sit there and check a few documents. You'd be crazy not to take the offer! 

"Okay. I'll do it. Where can I apply?"

"Don't worry, I'll sort it out for you. Tomorrow, you can start”

_

Looking back, it should have been clear to you that something was wrong. Starting with the sudden his sudden threat, the fingernails and this stupid story about the holiday of the banks. 

Maybe it was just because you were too panicked at that moment to think rationally.

But let’s be true here: when are you thinking rationally? If you did, you would certainly have quitted after your first day.

_

"Welcome and congratulations on your new job."

After watching the short video, a man in the yellow suit came to your window. You are so shocked that you can’t even answer.

I'm going to die today!

After all, you know it yourself: you're too gullible for the job. There's no chance you'll unmask a doppelganger who copies someone well.

“As you could see on the introductory film, your job is to verify the entry of the neighbors of your building. Each day there will be a list of individuals who will request entry to the building. It is possible that there are individuals who request entry and aren’t on the list. In which case you will mark on the checklist that they are not on the list and proceed to question the individual. Also, you must verify that the ID and the entry reqest are correct and have the respective D.D.D. logo. Don’t forget to also check the expiration on the IDs. Remember it’s Febuary 1955."

Your gaze wanders to the note that was stuck to the wall. 

Arnold Schmicht F02 – 01

Anastacha Mikaelys F02 – 04

Robertsky Peachman F01 – 02

Steven Rudboys F03 – 03 

Mia Stone F03 – 01

Rafttellyn Cappuccin F03 – 04

Admittedly, you don't know any of your neighbors, neither by character nor really by sight. You were never the type to care about your neighbors. 

"I wish you good luck."

C’mon Reader, be like Henry…

But better.

The first inhabitant was Mia Stone and you already started to sweat.

"Good evening."

Was she real? Was she a doppelganger? 

With shaky hands, you reached for her ID and entry pass, only to find that everything was fine. She was also on today's list and her appearance doesn't show any deviations either, right?

Just to be sure, you looked into the folder that described her appearance: 

Long hair

Small round nose

She has freckles

...

...

...

Freckles?

Your eyes wandered again to the woman in front of you, who was waiting patiently behind the window. 

You narrowed your eyes a little and leaned forward to get a better view of her.

No matter how long you stared at her, you didn't see them, her freckles. 

"You look different...", you murmur after a while.

"What's wrong with my appearance? I think everything is fine with my appearance."

Her photo on her ID and Entry Pass both have no freckles. 

Perhaps a mistake on the part of the D.D.D.? 

You're about to press the green button, but then you see her grinning slightly out of the corner of your eye. 

Shit. 

She almost had you. You're really not made for this job.

Your hand slammed hard against the red button, causing the siren to blare and the metal window to crash down. 

"3312," you murmur to yourself.

"You have contacted the D.D.D.. A group of agents has been sent to your building. Please wait for the cleaning protocol to run."

Cleaning protocol? 

What happens to those who were cleaned? They certainly won't be killed, will they? 

What if they will?

What if your judgment was wrong?

What if...

Your thoughts were interrupted as the siren fell silent and the metal window went up, only to reveal the yellow man.

"Cleaning protocol completed. You can continue your job."

It took a while until someone finally came again. 

This time, your heart was pounding faster. Significantly faster. And this time, you can't even say for sure that it's all out of fear. 

Milkman...

You definitely can't deny it: he's probably one of the most attractive men you've ever seen. 

You don't even have to look at today's checklist to tell he's not on it – a face like his would have caught your eye right away. 

"Francis Mosses, huh?" you murmured to yourself as you looked at his ID. "You're not on today's list."

"I’m not on today’s list because I had to leave due to an emergency."

Long nose

Thin chin

Tired eyes

Short hair

Wears a hat

It all fit. The only thing left now was a call. 

Just as you began to spin the wheel of the phone, he said, "You're new here, aren't you? I've never seen you here before."

"Yes, today is my first day."

"Must be hard, huh? I've heard that more and more doppelgangers are appearing and they are becoming more and more error-free. It would be a shame if such a pretty face as yours were to disappear forever."

Your cheeks turn red and suddenly you feel shyer than you actually are.

"B-But your job has to be hard as well. I didn't think that being a milkman would rob you so much sleep."

Francis smiles a little. So little that you almost didn't see it at all.

"It's not. I just stay up for a very long time. If you like, I can bring you some milk sometime. It's refreshing, calms the nerves."

You bite your lip slightly when you have to refrain from a question.

What milk do you mean exactly?

My God, why were you just such a sucker for handsome men?

"I'd be delighted, Francis."

You talked to him for a while and you quickly forgot that you were actually going to call someone. 

"I'd like to talk to you more, but I don't want to stop you from your work. I'll see you tomorrow, right, Reader?"

And you quickly forgot that you never told him your name. 

You pressed the green button.

_

"Shh," whispered the voice of Francis next to your ear. 

It was your third day, your third time to change shift.

Well, it usually would have been.

Your vision and mouth were blocked by the bloody hands of the doppelganger who claimed to be Francis.

He had killed the doorman, that should have taken over your shift.

You had to admit, that you were more than inconsiderate. After all, you didn't ask for his entry pass, nor the reason why he wasn't on today's list.  

"I'll let you go now, yeah? No wrong move, okay?"

He laughed softly as he released his hands from you and turned your chair, so you were facing him. 

"We don't want to hurt you, do we, Reader?"

The sentence shouldn't have given you hope, because after all, you were more than sure that you were going to die one way or another.

Maybe you should have shown a little resistance. For your honor, but....

Oh?

He is so close to you that you can practically feel his body heat. Or was it your own? Your face, despite your situation, was burning. 

Even though he said he was letting you go, his hands ran over your body and you couldn't deny that it did something to you. 

Were you so shameful?

"Actually, I wanted to wait, but I couldn't take it anymore.  I've been patient long enough, haven't I? It was so much work for me, to let you get this job."

You didn't know what to say. Honestly, you didn't know if you would even be able to answer him. 

His breath touched your throat as he spoke, "I think I deserve this, don't I? What do you say, Reader? Do I deserve my reward?”

If you were going to die anyway, why not enjoy the last few minutes?

Regardless of whether he was a doppelganger, he had lived up to his title as "Mlikman" that night.

_

"You killed the real Francis Mosses?" you asked the next day. 

Francis grins, almost so much so that his real form was threatening to show itself.

"Yes, of course. What would have happened if he had come before me? You would have sent the D.D.D. after me."

Well, he had a point, huh?

No matter how wrong it was, you were glad it didn't come to that. 

You didn't know the real Francis Mosses. That's probably why his death was so insignificant to you.

"Have you killed more people?"

"Just more doppelgangers you let through."

Your eyes widened. 

You were so sure you caught them all. The false success was the reason why you didn't quit…well, it was one of the reasons.

"How many have I let through?"

Francis just continues to wear his smirk as he gives you a kiss on the forehead.

"Don't rack your pretty head over it, okay?"

You just nod, smiling.

"Are you going to kill others...?

You don't know why you added your next question. Probably because you wanted to feel special. 

"Would you kill for me?"

"Hooooonn"

When you turn your gaze to his face, two white pupils stared at you and his grin is inhumanly wide and black. 

You don't know if it's joyful or sadistic, but it definitely made you feel special.

_

Looking back, you made more than a few mistakes. 

But honestly? 

You don't regret a single one of them. After all, all of them have led to an all-too-familiar knock on your window.

When you look up, he waves, the milkman. 

[mx-pastelwriting]

Kinktober Day 4: Biting

Carlisle Cullen x GN! Reader

Summary: Carlisle being to close to your neck as he cums in you.

Warnings: Smut, Biting, Blood, Vampire & Human

Kinktober Masterlist

Minors do not interact!

Gentle hands turned rough, grabbing at your hips. Cold kisses trailed up the contrast against your warm skin, stirring something in you. Pulling and squeezing as he moaned softly close to your ear, even letting rare cures slip.

Bruising your hips as his kisses stopped feeling as your high came close too, burying himself into your neck, feeling his breath and cold skin push you over the edge. Wrapping your legs tightly, feeling his hips buckle planting himself deep, both gasping out as your high peak, his lips start again on your neck, but slowly pain prickles your skin.

Whining out to the feeling, then crying out as the pain became hot, you felt liquid spill down your neck, still having his cock buried deep, thrusting slowly, letting you ride out your high. "Carlisle." You cried out, now realizing he had bitten you not to turn but to drink, grabbing at him as he once did to you.

"Stop," you cried once again hitting at his tough skin. Not drinking human blood in the hundreds of years didn't mean he couldn't, but being over the edge and smelling your sweet scent control slipped from his hands.

Doing what you asked only a second after he gasped, saying nothing only kissing your check, leaving it bloody. Your body lay exhausted and in pain, yet satisfied.

Hello, I hope you enjoyed if there is and grammar mistakes or misspellings sorry about that feel free to let me know in the comments, have a great day/afternoon/night!

Taglist: @arubymachado @pinchofhoney @memphiscity69 @christynalou @k3nmakyan @the1redrose

[leeflms]

"𝐁𝐄 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐙𝐘"

synopsis: claiming you as his prize for tonight.

warnings: suggestive, kinda NSFW???, making out, racer!wriothesley, user is GENDER NEUTRAL

author's note: as soon as I saw the new art of wriothesley I just knew I had to write about him,, I might make another part of this if I feel like it ^^ IM SO SORRY IF THERES ANY MISTAKES WITH THE GRAMMAR I WROTE THIS AT LIKE 1 AM AND FELT TOO LAZY TO CHECK IF THERE'S ANY ERRORS

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Wriothesley was at the garage along with the his team. He had his race suit hanging around his waist, showing off the fireproof top that he has underneath the suit. He watched as his mechanics checked up on his car, to ensure that there won't be any problems once he's on the circuit.

It's clear that he's nervous, he had an anxious frown on his face. And as his lover, of course you'd have to comfort and reassure him before the start of the race. You'd always tell him that if he does well in the race, you'll reward him.. it can be any kind of reward, depends on what he wants. And surprisingly, it always works. Just tell him, "If you place first, I'll reward you." And he will win first place. He reminds you of a dog, the way he's willing to do anything if you mention anything about rewarding him.

"Wrio, what's wrong?" You ask, approaching him.

"Nothing. Just nervous." He muttered.

"Why so nervous? It's just a race, you've done this hundreds of times now."

"I know that.. It's just— anything could happen once I'm on the racetrack."

"Well, how about this," You place a hand on his shoulder, coming close to him to whisper into his ear. "If you win this, then I'm all yours tonight."

As you step back, Wriothesley is left with a flustered expression on his face. He let's out a breathy chuckle. "Archons— All of you? The hair, the lips, the body, it's all mine?"

"All yours, love."

And that was all it took for him to be speeding through the circuit, winning the race with ease. As he drove back to his garage's pitstop, there were already a ton of reporters, journalists, and photographers waiting for him there. He couldn't really care less about how they started to rush over to him, asking him questions as he got out of his car.

Their questions fell on deaf ears, Wriothesley walked back into the garage as he took of his helmet, ruffling his messy hair, ignoring the staff that wanted to congratulate him. Currently, the only thing that was on his mind was you. He wanted to see you, he needed to kiss you, he needed to touch you, he needed you as his reward.

He went inside his waiting room, locking the door behind him while his eyes gaze at you.

It didn't take too long before you found yourself pinned to the door, making out with Wriothesley as he unzips his suit and let's it hang around his waist.

Wriothesley breaks the kiss, leaving the both of you panting. He stays so close to you, forehead pressed against yours, looking into your eyes. "You're driving me so crazy.." He murmured into your mouth.

"Shit— We can't do this here.." You saying that served as a reminder for Wriothesley that the two of you are still in the garage, everyone is outside waiting for him, while he's out here desperately kissing you.

"But I want it here, right now." He pressed his lips against yours again, his rough and calloused hands all over your body.

Surely those reporters outside can wait. Wriothesley is still claiming and enjoying his reward, and he's far from done with you.

[leclercloml]

Birthday boy | CL16

pairing: Charles Leclerc x bestfriend!girlfriend!reader.

summary: charles's childhood bestfriend y/n's birthday post for him throughout the years and them slowly falling in love as the year passes by.

genre: SMAU

warnings: grammar mistakes i guess , incorrect timeline to match the storyline, google translated french, mention of death of Jules and Hérve (I'm really sorry)

author's note; I had so much fun making this I hope you guys like it and happy birthday charlie ❤️

16th october 2016

yourinstagram

liked by charles_leclerc , arthur_leclerc, pascal.leclerc355 and 48,947 others

yourinstagram happy 19th birthday to my least favourite leclerc 💙

view comments

charles_leclerc least?? LEAST?? Who's your favourite then???

⤷arthur_leclerc me, duh.

⤷lorenzotl sorry guys it's clearly me.

⤷yourinstagram it's non of you, it's tante pascal ❤️ (aunty)

⤷pascal.leclerc355 merci beau ❤️ (thank you beautiful)

⤷lorenzotl fair enough.

charles_leclerc merci idiot!!

⤷yourinstagram you're welcome or whatever 🙄

username who else is here in 2023?

⤷username me! I came to check y/n birthday post for Charles as always and I think I scrolled a bit too far.

⤷username me too! their comments 😭 my favourite childhood bestfriend to lovers

username their bestfriend era 😭

⤷username just because she's his girlfriend now that doesn't mean they are not bestfriends anymore.

username here before y/n posts charles birthday post for 2023!

username my favourite couple.

username who would've thought they would be the cutest couple in 2023.

16th october 2017

yourinstagram

liked by charles_leclerc , lorenzotl, arthur_leclerc and 56,793 others

yourinstagram happy 20th birthday to my bestest friend❤️!! and to the f2 world champion!!! 🏆🎖️.

view comments

charles_leclerc thank you for being my unpaid therapist for 13 years!

⤷yourinstagram you can pay me back by giving me paddock passes when you get into f1 🥰.

⤷charles_leclerc let me get into f1 first.

⤷yourinstagram you will, i believe in you.

⤷charles_leclerc i know you do, I won't let you down.

⤷yourinstagram I know you won't.

⤷username i think this was where they both started liking eachother romanticly.

⤷username nah charles said and i quote "i fell in love with her the moment I saw her" - Charles Leclerc in dts 2022.

arthur_leclerc F2 WORLDCHAMPION 🏆🏆!!

⤷yourinstagram world champion 🏆🏆!!!

username literal childhood bestfriend to lovers.

⤷username "she has been by my side from the very beginning, karting, f3, f2 and F1, I knew from the moment I saw her that if there's anyone I wanna spend my future with, it's her." -charles leclerc dts 2022

⤷username that's so sweet 😭😭

16th october 2018

yourinstagram

liked by charles_leclerc , arthur_leclerc, pierregasly and 56,940 others

yourinstagram happy birthday mr. formula 1 driver, it's just the beginning of your F1 career, you have achieved a lot of things this season and it's just the beginning there's many more to come 💪🏻!!! and just in case, I believed in you, i believe in you and I will forever belive in you and one day you'll drive that red car ❤️🏎️, enjoy your day idiot.

view comments

charles_leclerc thank you so much sol, and thank you for believing in me ❤️❤️!!

⤷yourinstagram always stupid.

arthur_leclerc Joyeux anniversaire mr.f1 driver (happy birthday)

⤷charles_leclerc merci frère 💙 ( thank you brother)

username the hand replacement in first pic 😭

username little did they knew....

username she believed in him and he didn't let her down and right now he is driving that red car!

16th october 2019

yourinstagram

liked by charles_leclerc , sebastianvettel , maxverstappen1 and 2,748,927 others

yourinstagram joyeux anniversaire charles ❤️, and this one is very important because not only you made me, tante pascal, arthur and lorenzo proud but you also made Jules and oncle Hérve proud, not only you drove for ferrari, you won a race with them, in their home, in Monza, I'm so so so proud of you that even these words can't explain and not matter what happens I'll forever be proud of you! joyeux anniversaire il-predestinado ❤️ forza ferrari sempre 🏎️

view comments

16th october 2020

charles_leclerc grazie mille sole ❤️❤️!! this means a lot to me, you mean a lot to me, that win, mama, papa, arthur, lorenzo, jules and ferrari all of you mean a lot a lot a lot to me, that win was for all of you, thank you so much ❤️!! forza ferrari sempre ❤️🏎️

⤷yourinstagram ofcourse Charlie and I mean every single word from the bottom of my heart ❤️

⤷arthur_leclerc that is way too much red heart but it's okay, joyeux anniversaire charles and yes you made all of us proud!!💙

⤷charles_leclerc merci arth 💙

pascal.leclerc355 Je t'aime ❤️ (love you)

⤷yourinstagram Je t'aime aussi ❤️ (love you too)

username this post will never not make me cry

username Jules and Hérve part 😭

username they both were meant to be.

username I'm not crying, my eyes are cosplaying waterfall.

pierregasly happy birthday charles 🎂

⤷charles_leclerc merci pierre.

sebastianvettel tell Charles that we're proud of him too.

⤷yourinstagram done seb.

⤷charles_leclerc thank you seb ❤️.

username thisss 😭😭🤌🏻🤌🏻

username this is literally the sweetest thing ever.

16th october 2020

yourinstagram

liked by charles_lelcerc , arthur_leclerc , landonorris and 2,495,793 others

yourinstagram happy 23rd birthday banana man 🎂❤️ quarantine would've been horrendous without you! can't wait to celebrate it with you!! I love you ❤️

view comments

charles_leclerc meri amour ❤️ and quarantine would've been horrible without you too thanks for being by side through everything, i love you too ❤️.

⤷yourinstagram ❤️❤️

landonorris there are kids on this app.

⤷charles_leclerc yeah, like you.

⤷username lmfaooo 😭😭

username we literally went from "least favourite leclerc" to "amour" 😭🤌🏻

maxverstappen1 happy birthday charles!

⤷charles_leclerc thank you max!

username the banana outfit 😭😭

danielricciardo I think we should make that banana costume a paddock fashion

⤷charles_lelcerc no.

username my favourites.

16th october 2021

yourinstagram

liked by charles_leclerc , carlossainz55, pierregasly and 3,749,730 others

yourinstagram happy 24th love ❤️ i love you so much.

view comments

charles_leclerc merci merci merciii ❤️❤️

⤷yourinstagram 🎂🎂

charles_leclerc i love you too ❤️

⤷yourinstagram I know 🙄

⤷charles_leclerc good.

username cutieeess 😭😭

carlossainz55 happy birthday mate!!

⤷charles_leclerc thank you mate!!

arthur_leclerc happy 24th bro ❤️🎂!

⤷charles_leclerc thank you arth 💙

username my favourite couple.

username they're literally the best.

16th october 2022

yourinstagram

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1 an 3,480,264 others

yourinstagram 25!!!! Joyeux anniversaire mon amour🎂🎂!! This year has brought you so much! There were many missed opportunities but it's okay because we make our own opportunities and I know there's many more coming for you, I'm so proud of you!! ❤️❤️

view comments

charles_leclerc thank you so much love, for being there for me at my worst and my best i love you so much ❤️

⤷yourinstagram I love you too ❤️❤️

landonorris you both are so gross.

⤷yourinstagram shut up kid, go away.

⤷landonorris rude.

⤷username lmao 😭

username the team fucked him up multiple time this year but it's okay we'll always be there for him, happy birthday charles 🎂!

liked by yourinstagram

carlossainz55 feliz cumpleaños charles 🏎️! (happy birthday)

⤷charles_leclerc gracias carlos!

⤷username spanish 🤌🏻🤌🏻

alex_albon happy birthday charles 🎂🎉!

⤷charles_leclerc merci albono.

username the last slide 😭

username happy birthday charles!!

16th october 2023

yourinstagram

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, arthur_leclerc and 5,639,239 others

yourinstagram Happy birthday to my best friend, my lover, my partner, my beautiful boyfriend and the person I trust the most in the world! Happy 26th love, I can't believe now that you're closer to 30 than you're to 20, how time have passed so quickly 😭 I usually would be scared for us to get older, but as each year passes, I'm just happy we have more time on this Earth together! I love you so much and hope this year brings you so much happiness, I love you - your no.1 support mwah ❤️

view comments

charles_leclerc thank you much love, thank you for being there for me from the very beginning, thank you for believing in me and just thank you for existing in my life, I'm forever grateful to have you and i love you so so so much even words can't explain, thank you ❤️

⤷yourinstagram merci amour ❤️

⤷arthur_leclerc ew...you guys are cute I guess... And happy birthday big brother 🫂

⤷charles_leclerc merci little brother 🫂

carlossainz55 happy birthday lord perceval!!

⤷charles_leclerc thank you carlitos!!!

pierre_gasly happy birthday mate!!

⤷charles_leclerc merci pierre!

maxverstappen1 happy birthday charles 🎂

⤷charles_leclerc thank you champ 🏆.

username they literally grew up together!! 😭😭

username look at them 😭

username the first picture ahhhh!!!

username i love them your honour.

username mother and father.

username they're the best

username happy birthday charles!

username he really mean it when he said "I fell in love with her, in the moment I saw her"

⤷username ikr look the way he's looking at her in first pic 😭🫶🏻

username they're the reason I believe in love.

username happy birthday charles, enjoy your day at fullest!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS: i think I kind of rushed the ending but anyways I hope you guys like it and happy birthday charles, us tifosi's love you so much and infact every F1 fan loves you so much, enjoy your day at fullest! And we're forever proud of you. Happy Birthday ❤️🫶🏻🎂

[stylesispunk]

"I love you, it's ruining my life" | part iii.

Joel Miller x f!reader

previous chapter | part iv

Summary: Joel tried to win you back or where Joel goes all his way to find you but things are not as easy as he thought or that's what he thinks. w.c: 5,7k warnings: angst, FLUFF. Perhaps grammar mistakes cuz I didn't check the chapter, sorry. Not my best chapter, but some hearts are going to be happy a/n: As I promised, part 3 is here! Thank you so much for all the love you gave it to the first part, I'm really happy you loved it despite the messy writing. This one is not my best, but some hearts will be mended. This was a messy week for me and I was not completely focused on this, but I wanted to give it to you. AGAIN, this part will not be the end, so a fourth and last part is already in the works to end this mini-story since I split this chapter in two :) If you have a suggestion, question, or want to talk to me, you can come to my dms or asks! Happy reading 💌 dividers by @/saradika-graphics

Five years ago,

On your 25th birthday,.

Years were passing by; it was your 25th birthday, and your friends had decided to throw a grand party for you in a dowtown venue. Of course, Joel had told you he couldn’t make it; he couldn’t leave Sarah behind, and being a single father of a three-year-old at twenty-five held him back from dropping everything and just coming to your party.

You stood by the entrance, looking around at the lively scene, when you decided to give Joel a call. He had told you earlier that he couldn’t make it; being a single father of a three-year-old at twenty-five made it impossible for him to drop everything and come to your party.

“Are you sure you can’t make it?” you asked through the phone, your voice tinged with a hint of disappointment. The noise from the party buzzed in the background.

“Oh, sweetie, you know I would love to be there with you, but I’m having a party with my baby,” Joel replied. You could almost see his smile through the phone, picturing him sitting on the couch, trying to make Sarah fall asleep in his arms.

Though you understood, a part of you felt incomplete without him there, and you knew exactly why.

“Okay, then,” you replied, trying to keep your tone light and cheerful despite the sinking feeling in your chest.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, promise,” he said, his voice warm and sincere.

“Alright, Joel. Give Sarah a kiss for me,” you said before hanging up.

The party continued in full swing, but you found yourself increasingly detached from the celebration around you. The laughter and conversations felt distant, overshadowed by the thought of spending your birthday without Joel. Finally, unable to shake the feeling, you made your excuses and slipped away from the party, leaving the lively party behind.

Joel was exhausted. He had put Sarah to sleep and just sat on the couch to watch a movie, wanting to keep himself awake and make sure you would arrive home safe and sound. As the soft glow of the TV flickered in the dimly lit room, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt for not being able to celebrate your birthday with you.

Lost in his thoughts, Joel was startled by a soft knock at the door. Frowning, he glanced at the clock—it was late, and he wasn’t expecting anyone. He stood up, making his way to the door and opening it to find you standing there, a small, tired smile on your face.

He said your name, shocked.

“What are you doing here?” Joel asked, his eyes wide with surprise and concern. “Shouldn’t you be at your party?”

You shrugged, stepping inside and giving him a warm hug. “I was at the party,” you said, your voice soft and filled with emotion. “But I realized that there’s no place I’d rather be on my birthday than here with you,” you paused, “and Sarah, of course.”

Joel’s expression softened, a mix of relief and gratitude washing over him. “Sarah is sleeping, and you didn’t have to do that,” he said tenderly. “It’s your birthday. You should be out celebrating.”

You shook your head, your eyes meeting his with unwavering sincerity. “This is where I want to be,” you replied firmly. "Besides, I brought food,” you said, lifting bags in front of Joel's face.

Joel's smile was slow but genuine, a warmth spreading across his features as he pulled you into a tight embrace. “Happy birthday,” he whispered, his voice filled with affection.

As you both made your way to the kitchen, you unpacked the food you had brought. It was a simple spread—some of your favorite dishes from the party. You set the table, and the cozy atmosphere of Joel's home makes you feel more at ease.

Joel poured you both a drink, and you sat down to eat, sharing stories and laughter. The conversation flowed naturally, as it always did between the two of you. It was moments like these that reminded you why Joel was such an important part of your life.

After finishing the meal, you both moved to the living room. Joel put on a movie, and you settled onto the couch, comfortable in each other's presence. The noise of the TV filled the room, but it was the quiet, unspoken bond between you that brought the most comfort.

As the movie played, Sarah stirred from her sleep and toddled into the living room, rubbing her eyes. "Bubu?" she said, her voice sleepy and endearing.

You smiled, reaching out to her. "Hey there, birthday girl," you said softly, lifting her onto your lap. Sarah snuggled against you, her tiny arms wrapped around your neck.

Joel watched the two of you, a soft smile playing on his lips. "It looks like Sarah wanted to join the party," he said, his voice filled with warmth.

You laughed; the sound was light and happy. "The best party I could ask for," you replied, hugging Sarah close.

As the night went on, the three of you sat together, enjoying the simple pleasure of each other's company. The flickering light of the TV cast a warm glow over the room, and in that moment, everything felt perfect.

Joel glanced over at you, his eyes filled with gratitude and something deeper that he couldn't quite put into words. "You really made my night by coming here," he said softly, his voice thick with emotion.

"I couldn't imagine spending my birthday any other way," you replied, your heart full. "Thank you for being here for me, always."

Joel reached over and took your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "We're always here for each other," he said, his voice a promise. "No matter what."

Joel didn’t know why his heart felt like it was exploding every time you were around.

A year had passed since you left, and Joel found himself constantly haunted by memories of you. The days had blurred together into a monotonous routine, and the nights were filled with restless thoughts of what might have been. Every corner of his house reminded him of you, from the empty chair at the dining table to the quiet, lonely evenings after Sarah had gone to bed.

Joel spent the year focusing on Sarah, trying to be the best father he could be while grappling with the void your absence had left. He poured his heart into his work, his family, and his responsibilities, but nothing could fill the emptiness that lingered in his heart.

As the months went by, Joel found himself yearning to see you again, to hear your voice, and to feel your presence. He knew you needed time and space to heal, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to find you to see if there was any chance of rebuilding what they had lost.

And so, with trembling hands and a heart full of fear, Joel found himself standing in New York, pacing back and forth in front of your building. The bustling city seemed to move around him in a blur, the noise and energy contrasting sharply with the turmoil inside him. He had come all this way, but now, standing so close to you, he was paralyzed by doubt.

Had you thought about him the same way he had been thinking about you? He thought for himself while pacing back and forth over the cobblestones in front of the building you lived in.

Joel couldn’t make up his mind until the exact moment he took all this courage and flew all the way here to find you. It felt surreal to be in this city, so far from the familiar life he had known, all for the chance to see you again. The realization of how much he had missed you and how deeply he still cared had driven him to this point. Now, as he stood in front of your building, the weight of his decision pressed heavily on his shoulders.

His thoughts raced with questions and doubts. What if you had moved on? What if you were happy without him? What if seeing him only brought back painful memories you had worked so hard to move past? These fears churned in his mind, paralyzing him with indecision.

He looked up at the windows, imagining you inside, living your life. The city around him buzzed with activity, but Joel felt isolated, trapped in his own whirlwind of emotions. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but his hands still shook as he clenched and unclenched them.

Joel stood there, the city’s noises fading into the background as he lost himself in his thoughts. His mind drifted back to the moment he realized he was in love with you, a moment that had come so unexpectedly yet felt so right. It was a quiet evening, long before the chaos of the last year, when he saw you playing with Sarah in the backyard of his house. The way you laughed and the tenderness in your eyes as you helped Sarah with her tiny steps had struck him deeply.

It had always been you, he realized. Through all the ups and downs, the moments of joy and sorrow, you have been the constant in his life. Tess had been important, but she felt like a chapter in his life.

The night before he was supposed to get married, when you confessed your feelings, was etched in his memory. Your vulnerability and the raw honesty in your eyes had shaken him to his core. How he had kissed you then, driven by an overwhelming need to bridge the gap between what he had always felt and what he had denied for so long.

Now, standing in front of your building, the weight of that realization pressed heavily on his chest. He had almost married another woman, but it had always been you. His heart ached with the knowledge of the pain he had caused—the confusion and hurt that had driven you away.

Taking another deep breath, Joel forced himself to focus. He had come here to make amends, to lay bare his soul, and to hope that you could find it in your heart to forgive him. His hands still trembled, but the resolve in his heart was unwavering. He needed to see you to tell you that he loved you, that he had always loved you, and that he was willing to do whatever it took to rebuild what you both had lost.

Just as Joel mustered the last of his courage to cross the street and approach your building, he heard the sound of a car pulling up. He glanced over and saw you stepping out, laughing with a man beside you. His heart sank at the sight, a mixture of jealousy and heartbreak washing over him. The scene before him seemed to confirm his worst fears—that you had moved on and found happiness without him.

You looked radiant, your laughter lighting up the whole town, and he smiled at the sight of you.

He stood still, not knowing what to do, just asking himself, How could you be able to bear the burning feelings in your heart at the sight of him with another woman and still be so good to him? It hurt like he was feeling it now.

Joel stood there, his heart aching as he watched you, his mind racing with thoughts of the past and the overwhelming emotions he was experiencing in the present. He felt an immense sense of guilt and regret for the pain he had caused you, and now, seeing you with someone else, he couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy and sadness.

His thoughts were interrupted when you looked up and locked eyes with him. The shock on your face mirrored the turmoil inside him. For a moment, time seemed to stand still, the bustling city around you both fading into the background.

Your smile faltered, replaced by a look of surprise and confusion. You stopped in your tracks, the man beside you following your gaze to where Joel stood. Joel felt his breath catch in his throat, unsure of what to do or say. The reality of the situation hit him hard—he had come all this way, and now he was standing before you, unsure if he even had the right to ask you for a chance.

He was about to go when he heard your voice.

"Joel," you said, crossing the street, your voice barely above a whisper. "What are you doing here?"

Joel took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. "I came here to see you," he said, his voice gaining strength. I came here to tell you that I love you. I know I hurt you, and I know I have a lot to make up for, but I couldn't let another day go by without telling you how I feel. He thought.

"Joel," you began, your voice filled with a mix of emotions. "It's been a year.”

“I know. It’s just,” he paused for a second, “forget it.”

Your words hung in the air, heavy with unresolved emotions. Joel felt the weight of them pressing down on him, his heart sinking with each passing moment. He knew he had no right to expect forgiveness or to ask for another chance. But he couldn't bear the thought of walking away without at least trying to make things right.

As he turned to go, he felt a gentle hand on his arm, stopping him in his tracks. He looked back to see you standing there, your eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and uncertainty.

"Joel," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "Please don't go."

He hesitated, torn between the desire to flee from the pain of rejection and the hope that maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance for redemption.

"There's a café around the corner," you continued, your voice steady despite the emotions swirling inside you. "Let's go there and talk."

He graced his lips with a tiny smile and nodded.

“Just wait here a second.”

To say you were fine would be a lie. Of course, you have been better since you were in pieces. You had thought about Joel every single night since the day you left. He was coming home to a woman who wasn't you, sleeping and waking up next to her, having a family. Perhaps on the possibility of Tess being pregnant, you were sitting across from him, the man who had once been your everything.

Joel looked older and more worn, but there was a softness in his eyes that you recognized. You could tell he was nervous, and it mirrored your own anxiety. The silence between you was thick with unspoken words and unresolved emotions.

"I didn't know if I'd ever see you again," you finally said, your voice barely audible over the hum of the café.

Joel nodded, his fingers wrapped tightly around his coffee cup. "I didn't know if you'd want to see me," he replied, his voice rough with emotion.

You looked down at your own cup, the steam rising in gentle tendrils, and took a deep breath. "How did you know my address?”

“Tommy.”

“That fucker,” you joked. 

Joel chuckled, "I know," he said, his voice breaking slightly. “But don’t blame him; I asked him.”

You glanced up, meeting his gaze. The intensity in his eyes was almost overwhelming, and you felt a flicker of hope ignite within you. "Why?”

“Why?”

“Yes. Why, after a whole year, Joel?” You questioned him, not calling him by tender names anymore. The way you called out his name felt strange and foreign.

Joel's smile faded slightly, replaced by a look of deep introspection. He took a moment before responding, his gaze dropping to his coffee cup. "Because you needed time, and I did, too,” he said softly.

You nodded, not uttering words. There was anything for you to say, or so you thought. “I-How… How is Sarah?”

Joel's smile faded slightly, replaced by a look of deep introspection. He took a moment before responding, his gaze dropping to his coffee cup. "Because you needed time, and I did, too," he said softly.

You nodded, not uttering words. There was nothing for you to say, or so you thought. “I—How… How is Sarah?”

“She misses you,” Joel replied, his voice thick with emotion. "She talks about you all the time and wonders when you’ll come back. I didn’t realize how much you meant to her until you were gone."

A lump formed in your throat as you thought of Sarah, her innocent face, and the bond you had shared. "I miss her too," you admitted, your voice breaking slightly. "She’s a big part of why I stayed away. I didn’t want to confuse her or make things harder for her."

“How could you? You were everything to her.”

“I bet Tess loves her that much too.”

Joel chuckled again. It felt almost insulting to you. “I didn’t marry Tess,” he confessed.

Your eyes widened in surprise at Joel's confession. “What?” you asked, barely able to believe what you had just heard.

Joel looked down, his fingers tracing the rim of his coffee cup. “I didn’t marry Tess,” he repeated, his voice quieter this time, laden with the weight of his decision.

“But why?” you asked, your voice a mix of shock and curiosity. “I thought...”

Joel sighed, lifting his gaze to meet yours, his eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and resolve. “I couldn’t go through with it. It wasn’t fair to her, to Sarah, or to myself. My heart was never fully in it because my heart has always been with you.”

You felt a rush of conflicting emotions—relief, confusion, and a lingering ache from the past year’s pain. “Joel, I...”

Your words got cut. You felt shame wash over you once again. Guilt, as if you committed treason and ruined another person's life. You thought about Tess.

Your words got cut short, replaced by a wave of overwhelming emotions. Shame washed over you, followed by a torrent of guilt. You thought about Tess and the life she might have imagined with Joel, a life you had inadvertently disrupted. The weight of it all felt suffocating.

Unable to sit still, you stood up abruptly, pushing your chair back with a screech that drew a few curious glances from the other patrons. Joel looked up at you, alarmed by your sudden movement.

“Wait, where are you going?” He asked, his voice laced with concern and a hint of desperation.

You took a step back, shaking your head as if trying to clear the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. “I-I can’t do this, Joel,” you stammered, your voice trembling. “It’s too much. I feel like I’ve ruined everything.”

Joel stood up as well, reaching out to you. “You didn’t ruin anything,” he said softly, trying to reassure you. “I made my own choices. I couldn’t marry Tess because it wouldn’t have been fair to anyone. Especially not to you.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him, the pain and confusion evident in your expression. “How can I live with myself knowing I caused her so much hurt?”

Joel took a step closer, his hands gently reaching out but stopping just short of touching you, respecting your space. His eyes were filled with a mix of determination and tenderness as he spoke, his voice steady but earnest. “Tess and I have talked,” he said. “She deserves someone who can love her fully, and I realized that person wasn’t me. It was a hard decision, but it was the right one for both of us. She’s moved on, and she’s happy.”

You searched his eyes, seeing the sincerity and deep affection that had always been there. But the weight of guilt and the fear of causing more pain were too overwhelming. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you were to blame for the hurt Tess had gone through. ��I don’t know if I can do this,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

You shook your head, the tears spilling over as you took another step back. “I can’t, Joel. I just can’t,” you said, your voice breaking. Turning away, you started to walk towards the exit, your heart pounding in your chest.

Joel’s voice rang out, louder and more desperate, stopping you in your tracks. “Will you run away from me again?! It seems like a habit of yours!

His words stung, and you spun around, your eyes blazing with a mix of anger and hurt. “A habit? You think running away is a habit?” You shot back, your voice trembling with emotion. “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to leave? How much did it tear me apart?”

Joel took a step closer, his face etched with frustration and pain. “I know it was hard. It was hard for me, too. But you can’t keep running every time things get tough. We need to face this together.”

“Us? There’s no us, Joel!” You echoed, incredulous. “You were about to marry someone else, Joel! How was I supposed to face that?”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, his eyes filled with regret. “I wish you had never told me about your feelings; I wouldn't have lost you.”

“'You would, though.” You whispered.

“You're the coward here.” He cried out.

“Did you want me to spend a whole fucking year of my life waiting for you? You were supposed to be married; you never saw me the way I saw you, and I wasn’t going to stay there to watch.” You paused. “I waited for you to call me to show me I was important, but... Listen, I don't blame you. How could I? You didn't know.” You tried to say, hoping to change the tone this conversation was taking, but for Joel, everything you said didn’t matter anymore.

“The man you were with...”

“We’re dating,” you replied, not meeting his gaze.

Joel’s expression hardened at your admission; the pain was evident in his eyes. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but the anger and frustration bubbled just beneath the surface. “You’re dating someone else,” he repeated, his voice strained. “And you didn’t think I deserved to know? You didn’t think I had the right to fight for you?”

“What was there to fight for, Joel?” You shot back, your own anger rising. “You were getting married to someone else. How could I believe there was anything left for us?”

Joel ran a hand through his hair again, his movements agitated. “Fuck this,” he said, his voice breaking. He turned and started to walk past you, his shoulders tense with unresolved emotion.

You watched him go, a part of you wanting to reach out and stop him, but the pain and confusion held you back. “Joel, wait,” you called after him, but he didn’t slow down.

The weight of the past year’s emotions, the regrets, and the missed opportunities pressed down on you as you watched him walk away. You wanted to scream, to cry, to do something to make it all better, but the words wouldn’t come.

Joel pushed open the door to the café and stepped outside, the sound of the city flooding in. He paused for a moment, his back to you, as if he were wrestling with the decision to leave or stay. The seconds stretched into an eternity, the distance between you feeling insurmountable.

“Joel, please,” you said, your voice breaking. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

He turned around slowly, his eyes filled with a mixture of anger, hurt, and something deeper—hope. “I came here to see if you were good,” he said simply, his voice raw with emotion. “I don't want to accept that losing you is our fate, but if you’re happy the way you are now, I have nothing else to do here.

"Joel,” you called out his name again, but he disappeared into the crowd. Tears welled up in your eyes as you watched him walk away, a sense of loss washing over you. You wanted to run after him, to tell him that you weren't happy and that you still loved him, but the words caught in your throat.

Joel had come all this way to find you, to see if there was still a chance for the two of you, but now he was walking away, and you didn't know if you would ever see him again.

Feeling lost and adrift, you sank into a nearby chair, the weight of your emotions threatening to overwhelm you. The café buzzed with activity around you, but you felt completely alone, the absence of Joel's presence like a gaping hole in your heart.

As you sat there, grappling with the pain and regret, you realized that you had to make a choice. You couldn't continue living in the past, holding onto what might have been. If you wanted a chance at happiness, you had to let go of your fears and take a leap of faith.

You wanted him to forgive you for not waiting for him, but a year after radio silence was the answer you got. Not fighting, not callbacks asking you to come back. The love you had for him felt childish, with promises made but never to keep, and maybe you had just closed the door to him.

Back in your apartment, the weight of the recent events bore down on you like a heavy burden. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you sat on the edge of your bed, clutching your cell phone tightly in your hand. The breakup with the guy you had been dating had been inevitable, with your feelings for Joel still lingering beneath the surface, stronger than ever.

With trembling fingers, you scrolled through your contacts until you found Joel's name. Taking a shaky breath, you pressed the call button and waited, your heart pounding in your chest.

After what felt like an eternity, Joel's voice came through the line, filled with warmth and concern. "Baby?" he said, his voice sending a shiver down your spine.

Tears welled up in your eyes again at the sound of his voice, the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm you. "Why did you have to come back to do this?" you whispered, your voice raw with pain and longing.

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, as if Joel was trying to find the right words to say.

“I could prove to myself that my life could continue without you, but you had to come back and fuck up everything, Joel?

The words spilled out of you—a mix of anger, frustration, and hurt. You wanted to push him away, to shield yourself from the pain he had brought back into your life, but at the same time, you couldn't deny the love you still felt for him, pulsing beneath the surface like a live wire.

Joel's response was barely a whisper, his voice heavy with remorse. "I'm sorry," he said, the words hanging in the air between you like a weight. "I never meant to hurt you."

The tears flowed freely down your cheeks now, your heart torn between conflicting emotions. "But you did," you choked out, the pain of the past year crashing over you in waves. "You hurt me so much."

There was another pause, and then Joel spoke again, his voice thick with emotion. "Tell me how to fix it," he said softly. "And I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it right."

His words hung in the air—a promise and a plea all at once. You knew that forgiving him wouldn't be easy and that rebuilding what you had lost would take time and effort, but deep down, you couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, there was still hope for the two of you.

"I just wanted for you to love me the way I love you," you whispered, your voice barely above a breath. The admission hung heavy in the air, the raw vulnerability of your words laying bare the depth of your feelings.

Joel's response was immediate; his voice was filled with regret and longing. "I do love you," he said, his words laced with sincerity. "I was just too blind to see it before, too scared to admit it to myself."

"I don't want to hear it on the phone, Joel," you said softly, your heart pounding in your chest. The thought of facing him again, of seeing the pain and longing in his eyes, was both terrifying and exhilarating.

There was a pause on the other end of the line, as if Joel were considering his response. Then, finally, he spoke, his voice filled with determination. "Then open your door," he said simply.

Your breath caught in your throat at his words, the weight of the decision pressing down on you like a heavy burden. You walked over to the door and turned the handle, pulling it open slowly. There, standing on the other side, was Joel, his gaze filled with a mixture of hope and uncertainty.

For a moment, neither of you spoke; the weight of everything left unsaid was hanging heavy in the air. Then, finally, Joel stepped forward, closing the distance between you.

You held each other's gaze for a long moment, the silence between you speaking volumes. Then, without a word, Joel reached out. Without a word, Joel reached out and gently cupped your face in his hands, his touch sending shivers down your spine. His gaze locked with yours, filled with an intensity that made your heart race.

And then, slowly, almost hesitantly, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours in a tender kiss. In that moment, the world seemed to fall away, leaving only the two of you suspended in time.

The kiss was soft at first and tentative, as if both of you were afraid to fully give in to the overwhelming emotions swirling between you. But then, as the warmth of his lips met yours, something shifted, and the kiss deepened, becoming more urgent and more passionate.

It was as if all the longing and desire that had been building between you for so long finally found release in that single moment of connection. You melted into his embrace, your arms wrapping around him as you kissed him back with equal fervor.

As your lips parted, Joel looked into your eyes with a depth of emotion that took your breath away. His voice was filled with sincerity as he spoke, and his words were a heartfelt confession of his love for you.

"I love you," he said, his voice barely above a whisper but resonating with a depth of feeling that echoed through the room. "I have always loved you, from the moment you opened the door. You've been in my thoughts every day, in every moment. I can’t just pretend I want a life without you in it.”

Tears welled up in your eyes at his words, the weight of his confession washing over you like a wave of emotion. All the doubts and uncertainties melted away in the warmth of his love, leaving only the undeniable truth of your connection.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it," Joel continued, his voice filled with regret. "I was scared of losing you and of facing my own feelings. But now, I know that I can't live without you. You're the missing piece of my heart, the one I've been searching for all along."

You wrapped your arms tightly around Joel, pulling him close and burying your face in the crook of his neck. His warmth enveloped you, comforting and familiar, as if you were finally coming home after a long journey.

Tears of relief and joy streamed down your cheeks, mingling with the scent of his cologne. In his arms, you felt safe, loved, and understood in a way you had never experienced before.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like I did," he sobbed, not letting you go from his hold. "I felt I stabbed myself in the heart that day. God, when I read that letter...

"Do you remember the night we met? When you went to-�� You began.

"Your house with Sarah, yes. Of course I do," he continued for you.

"I lied to you that night."

His eyebrows furrowed at the words. 

"I said I had you come back home, but in fact I was going on a date with my boyfriend.”

"Did you have a

"Yes, he was a sweetheart, and I stood him up for my neighbor that night.”

"Why did you love me back then?"

You didn't reply; no words were enough for that.

"This whole time without you, God has been... miserable," he said.  "I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice choked with emotion. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like I did."

You reached up, gently brushing away the tears that streaked his cheeks. "I forgive you, Joel," you whispered, your voice filled with love and understanding. "I forgive you because I know that your heart was always in the right place, even if your actions didn't always reflect that."

He leaned into your touch, his eyes searching for yours for reassurance. "I love you," he said softly, his voice trembling with sincerity. "I've loved you from the moment I met you, and I'll love you for the rest of my days."

Tears welled up in your own eyes as you felt the weight of his words sink in. "I love you too, Joel," you replied, your voice filled with conviction. "More than words can express."

Joel leaned in and gently pressed his lips against yours. It was a tender and passionate kiss, filled with years of longing and unspoken love.

Wrapped up in each other's arms, you felt a sense of completeness that you hadn't experienced in a long time. Every touch and every caress was a silent affirmation of the love that had endured despite the trials and tribulations you had faced.

As you deepened the kiss, your hearts beat as one, a symphony of love and passion that echoed through the room. It was a moment of pure bliss, a reminder that no matter what challenges lay ahead, as long as you had each other, you could overcome anything.

taglist 💌: @immywonderdefender @sarahhxx03 @powellssaturn @ifall4dilfs @harriedandharassed @skysmiller @missladym1981 @brittmb115 @guelyury @heartpascalispunk @ashleyfilm @loveisacowboyyy @southernbe @pedroloml

[elainavoid]

LN4 - And it's all too much for little Lando Norris

Hellooo! I'm back, sorry for not being active for like six months :'c I was actually on tumblr but just didn't feel like writing anything. And this just came up to my mind randomly. Enjoy reading, feedbacks are much appreciated. Also there might be some grammar mistakes, i know they are very annoying but i just loved this sm. Love you, enjoy again <3

dad!Lando x mom!reader

You were lying in bed comfortably, moonlight was your only source of light in the middle of the night. Since you were pregnant, bright lights annoyed you, even the smallest bit of light while sleeping woke you up. You rolled onto your side, seeing your husband sleeping peacefully made you smile. You slowly raised your hand, tracing his facial features. Lando kept his little mustache and beard growing before you gave birth, but when he read an article about how it can irritate baby’s skin, he shaved it all of. Even if Daniel made fun of him.

While staring at your lover, you were disrupted with the sound coming from the baby monitor on your night stand. You sighed and tried to get up, before feeling Lando’s hands stopping you. “Sorry for waking you baby. You can go back to sleep, i’ll check on Julia. She’s probably hungry.” You said quietly. Lando laid you down, “Shh, you don’t get enough sleep darling, I’ll take care of her.” You smiled at his words, your pregnancy was tough, Lando knew this very well. He scolded you whenever you tried to get up, cook or do some housework. After giving birth to Julia, you had many sleepless nights. But Lando always stayed by your side. He couldn’t stay in bed, knowing you were probably sleep deprived and tired while taking care of Julia.

You watched him as he got up, leaving your bedroom and closing the door after him, so you wouldn’t get annoyed by the lights if he ever turned them on. You heard the nursery door opening, Julia’s soft cry, getting louder as the footsteps told you that they arrived to the kitchen. He turned on the kettle, he was probably preparing some baby formula. You heard Lando talking to Julia, trying to get her calmed down before her food cooled a bit. “Please don’t cry my little ray of sunshine. Daddy’s here now…”

After a little while, there was nothing but complete silence. Lando left the bed probably twenty minutes ago. You decided to get up, look at what they were doing. Of course you didn’t really want to interrupt their daddy-daughter time but you were getting kind of nervous. You slowly got up, you had shivers down your spine as your bare feet touched the marble floor. Getting out of the bedroom, you found them on the sofa. Lando probably fell asleep while trying to get Julia to. He had one of his arms wrapped around her, other one was holding the half empty baby bottle. You stared at them smiling, knowing that you chose the right person to spend your entire life with, you chose the perfect husband and the perfect father. But probably being a father at a young age was hard and the responsibilities it brought was a bit too much for little Lando Norris.

[alotofrandomfangirling]

Roronoa Zoro NSFW Alphabet (Netflix live action)

Warnings: smut 🫠 and cursing (18+ / minors dni)

A/n: i can't stop writing for this man please help okay so i had a bunch of smut headcanons for live action Zoro so i thought it would be better to fit them in a NSFW Alphabet ajdlajakaj it's the first time i write any kind of smut so please forgive me for any mistakes 😅 (i also didn't check the grammar because i was too embarassed to copy and paste it on google translate lmao sorry about that too ajskajskaj) female reader is adult and everything is consensual 🙏🏻 i hope you like it!!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Zoro is very gentle after sex, he likes to hold you close and kiss your forehead as you both fall asleep together.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He is a boob guy. He loves your boobs, staring at, squeezing and sucking on them. He also likes kissing the valley between them.

And for himself he likes his chest and arms. He is super proud of how much you love to roam your hands on his chest and arms to feel his strong muscles.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He licks every drop of your cum when he makes you climax with his tongue on your pussy (we know he has strong teeth, so i'm guessing his tongue works well too 👀). And it's freaking hot when he wipes his mouth after that and goes kiss you with the same hunger he showed before.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He loves when you nibble on his ear.

You've recently gotten obsessed with the three earrings on his left ear and you want to suck on them all the time. He acts annoyed when you do it, but deep down he loves it, it makes him feel all tingly inside.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Zoro wasn't very experienced when you met, but, after all this time together, you've done it so many times that now he already knows by heart the exact spots he has to hit to take you to complete bliss.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves when you're on top of him. Watching your beautiful face from below, your boobs moving up and down, grabbing your ass... it's like poetry for him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Well, Zoro doesn't smile much in his normal activities, so the same applies to while having sex ajskajakaj he's usually more serious cause he takes being with you and pleasing you very seriously.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Well, he's nearly a pirate so don't expect much ajdkajskaj but if you ask him he'll take care of it, cause he will honestly do anything for you.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It may be surprising, but he is so romantic. The thing is your relationship is very based on love and trust, so sex for you is really an intimate moment for you to share your deepest feelings with each other. He makes sure to show you how much he loves you by taking care of you and pleasing you the best way he can.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He jerks off thinking about fucking you from behind with you wearing a mini skirt Nami had lent you one day. Zoro was never the same after he saw you in that lmaooo the sight stuck to his mind so he often remembers it 👀

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay so hear me out: Zoro with a praise kink. Boy's had a rough past, so he appreciates every little act of kindness you do for him. He loves when you praise him and whisper sweet things in his ear, for how good he is or how nice he is doing. You can literally feel how much he enjoys that.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Your shared room at the Going Merry. The rush of having to be silent so that the other straw hats won't hear you turns him on even more.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Your voice. He loves listening to you moaning and telling him how good he makes you feel, it's like music to his ears.

(In fact, anytime you're feeling mischievous and want to mess with his mind, you just use that sweet voice that you know will drive him crazy)

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Degradation. Or hurting. Not at all. You were the best thing that ever happened to Zoro and he made sure to let you know that, so he wasn't going to call you names or any of that. Sex was also a very intimate and special moment between you two so he enjoyed you both exchanging only nice stuff.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves a good blowjob. Hell, he loves how good your mouth feels on his dick.

You love to see how he melts under your touch while you're sucking him off. He looks so pleased and makes such pretty noises moaning your name you want to keep going just to keep listening to that.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends. Zoro usually takes his time in pleasing both of you. But when he's a bit frustrated or angry and wants to release himself, he gets a bit rough, but never hurting you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He prefers the real thing, but whenever one of you is feeling needy, sure, he'll do quickies.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Zoro is a simple man: he gets to fuck you, he is happy. So usually risking and trying new things only happens when the idea comes from you (and you sure have good ideas very often *wink wink*).

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Several rounds. Your man's stamina is on point ajdkajskaj

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Zoro doesn't really like toys. He says just the both of you are enough to "feel really good". i mean are there even sex toys in the op universe i'll be in debt in this one ajskajakja

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He likes to go straight to the point so he doesn't tease much, except when he wants you to beg for it so he can hear that sweet sex voice of yours that he loves so much.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's not very loud, but he grunts a lot (and it's delicious for you to hear). He also frequently lets slip curse words in your ear when he's fucking you because he can't take all the pleasure.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

That time you were at Kaya's and he showed up wearing that suit? You could barely concentrate on dinner for how aroused you were seeing him in those clothes. He looked so. freaking. hot.

The second dinner was over and everyone went to sleep you pushed him to your bedroom and had him take his pants off so you could ride him like there was no tomorrow (suit still on of course cause you liked it ajdkajskaj).

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Let's just say those jokes about his fourth sword are actually true.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Zoro is horny for you all the time lol of course he understands there's a right time for everything but whenever he has the chance he wants to be with you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It doesn't take much for him to fall asleep. He'll do the job, feel good and then fall asleep for how tired he feels (but not before kissing your forehead and praising you for all that you did together 😉).

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[catbread0]

hi can you write sebastian michaelis x reader first kiss, especially with sebastian being confused by having a crush and not understanding the feelings (or how his human body is reacting in ways he doesnt understand bc he’s an “emotionless” demon)

thank you :]

Sebastian Michaelis x Fem Reader

Thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy the story! Sorry for any grammar mistakes.

ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ

Words: 1,208

Fluff

Black Butler Masterlist

Emotions

Your young master, Ciel Phantomhive, had left to attend Weston College to uncover why students have gone missing. With that, you were left behind due to the school being an all-boys public school, meaning while Sebastian was gone, you were now in charge of making sure the Manor wouldn't become rubble due to your three other colleagues. There were a few close calls, but you would manage to salvage it by the end of the day.

It was the second of June, and you heard knocks from the front door. It was the postman. He had given you a letter meant for you. It was from Sebastian. He had given you the task of buying some laxatives and told you to wear an elegant dress to the open ceremony that would take place tomorrow and that he would send a carriage to take you to Weston College.

You were confused about how you would be allowed into the opening ceremony due to only immediate family members being allowed to attend. It was only after the cricket tournament began that maids and butlers were able to enter. 

You decided to run the errands that Sebastian assigned you, buying laxatives, an elegant dress that flatters your looks but was also a shade of blue to represent your young master, and a few pieces of jewelry that go well with your dress.

Once you returned, you went immediately to the maid's headquarters and put your dress on a mannequin so it didn't get wrinkles. Mey-Rin had entered the room since you shared it, wanting to ask for help but was shocked to see the dress. 

“(Y/n) are you planning on going somewhere tomorrow?” she asked with a curious tone. 

You nodded and explained that Sebastian had sent a letter telling you that you would be attending the opening ceremony tomorrow. Mey-Rin was excited for you and offered to help you with your hair tomorrow. You, of course, accepted her kind gesture before helping around the Manor again,

It was now the third of June, the day of the open ceremony, and it was nearing dark. You were getting ready, Mey-Rin had helped you put on your corset and dress, and she was doing a few more touches to your hair. You made sure you had everything, including the laxatives that Sebastian asked you to buy. Baldroy, Finnian, and Mey-Rin promised you that they wouldn't make a mess in the Manor while you were gone, and with that, you get into the carriage that will take you to Weston College.

You’ve arrived at the Weston College campus, and you went to where the ceremony was being held. You waited in line until it was your turn to be checked if you were allowed to enter.

“What’s your name ma’am?”

“(Y/n) (L/n)”

The man checked the clipboard and allowed you to enter. As you entered, you were looking around the entire room. It was your first time setting foot and being able to see the opening ceremony for yourself. 

You felt a tap on your shoulder and jumped a bit from the sudden contact. You looked to see who it was, and it was Sebastian with that smirk on his face.

“It’s wonderful to see you again (Y/n), I must say that dress enhances your beauty.”

You were about to reply when you realized the young master was nowhere to be seen. “Where is the young master?”

That's when you heard someone clear their throat, it was Master Agares, and he had begun his speech, and soon the houses revealed their chosen athletes. 

After Green Lion House, Scarlet Fox House, and Violet Wolf House showed their athletes, you saw white birds flying above, and that's when Sapphire Owl House entered, and you saw your young master. You couldn't help but giggle a little when you saw your young master's uneasy face.

After Master Agares finished his speech and tripped on a few stairs, everyone was lively talking to one another. You were about to walk over to your young master but it seemed as if he was surrounded by so many people in one place. You saw that Sebastian was about to walk away when a strong grip on his shoulder stopped him. It was Lady Scotney. She scolded Sebastian for his haircut choice for an educator. 

Elizabeth soon noticed both you and Sebastian and gasped. Soon, her father and older brother also noticed. However, they didn't recognize it was Sebastian or you and asked if you both were acquainted with Lady Scotney. Thankfully, Elizabeth whispered to them the situation. 

However, due to Elizabeth's gasp earlier, it caught a few people's attention, and some of them included the House Prefects. Curiosity had gotten the better of them, and they went to where you were all gathered.

“Master Michaelis, may I ask, but who is this maiden?” The prefect of the Scarlet Fox House asked.

You never asked, but if only immediate family could enter, then how were you able to enter? Sebastian chuckled before answering, “She's my lovely wife.”

You could see the shocked faces of the students, including Ciel. You three knew it was a lie, but at least now you know how you gain access to enter. 

A few other students overheard and started asking questions.

“How long have you been married?”  

“Why have you never worn your wedding ring?”

“Why are you both not wearing your wedding rings?”

The more the curiosity got the students, the more they started asking questions about your ‘marriage’. It wasn't looking good for you and Sebastian, as they kept asking the more suspicious they were getting. This could ruin the young master's mission if they were to find out. As you were about to answer the student’s questions, you felt a hand wrap around your waist and a lip press against yours. 

You see, it's Sebastian who’s kissing you, and you both separate.

“If you don't believe that she is my wife, you may take that as proof, but believe me when I say she is more than I could ever ask for in a wife.”

After some time, the ceremony dead down, you give Sebastian the laxatives, and you leave in the carriage to bring you back to the Manor.

After you left, Sebastian hid the laxatives inside his cloak and returned to his office on campus. While preparing everything for tomorrow, he felt an emotion of… absence? Sebastian was confused by this. He was a demon, and he shouldn’t feel emotions, especially for a human. 

During the cricket tournament, he would sneak glances at you while you sat with the rest of the servants. After he and the young master figured out the reason for the student’s disappearances, they returned to the Manor and felt a bit joyful that he could see you again.

While you were at the Funtom Company Perfume store, you loved the scent of the new Lily of the Valley perfume, Sebastian saw this and decided to buy the perfume for you. He couldn’t help but have a genuine smile when you started thanking him and when you looked so happy at the perfume.

Maybe feeling these ‘human emotions’ isn't so bad after all.

~Lilly's

[robinofgothamcity]

"so i cry and i pray for you to love me, love me, say that you love me."

♡ character: damian wayne x reader

♡ pronouns used: she / her

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / hiiii ik i haven't updated in a while but like life bro lmao anyway im trying to find a new job bc a bitch needs money so like big girl stuff happening around here anywayyyyyy here is a blurb/drabble thing i kinda made it up on the fly so sorry if it's shitty

your rose gold dress was dragging against the floor as you were going around from league member to league member introducing yourself on the behalf of black canary. the annual JLA gala was one with a bunch of uppity superheroes and their sidekicks trying to get on everyone's good side which did not interest you at all.

your domino mask was not comfortable at all, nevertheless, it clashed with your very expensive dress. you knew dinah would have liked you to make your rounds with everyone but you were not interested in making friends with anyone that you weren't with usually.

you had been looking for jon or jaime but you figured that they must have gotten dragged around the gala by batman or even superman for things they didn't want to do themselves.

as you approached the snack table, you noticed the R patch standing right in front of you. you had yet to met the infamous robin and although you figured that batman was going to need your assistance in the teen titans one day in the not so distant future, you assumed that your first encounter with the boy wonder would be there.

you handed robin the drink he was looking for and smiled, "figured it beat having to reach across the table for it," the boy gave you a smirk, instantly making your face warm up, "(sidekick name) right? canary's righthand woman?" you nodded, "interesting way of meeting each other," you replied.

robin chuckled as you heard jaime finally scream your name frantically from the other side of the room, "sorry for cutting this short, duty calls when your dumbass best friend is calling for you," you stated as you grabbed your dress and darted to where jaime was.

damian swirled his drink around for a moment before grabbing his phone. he knew bruce hated when he was on his phone but he never thought that canary's sidekick was this....cute. damian also knew everyone's name, no thanks to bruce, so he knew it wasn't going to be too difficult to retrieve your information.

damian had found your instagram which was public and immediately scrolled through it. he found what was normal for girls your age. pictures with you and your sorority friends in some and others showed pictures of you and your family.

as damian continued to scroll he noticed the eye twitch he'd get when he saw a photo of you and a guy friend with his hand a bit too tight on your upper thigh. he knew that he didn't have any reason to get even slightly jealous, however; it wasn't a secret that whatever damian liked he eventually got.

he chuckled at the picture he saw of you looking up at dinah as you hugged her with a simple heart as the caption. damian knew that you weren't stupid enough to give off any real connection that you had to dinah but he figured that you must've wanted to appreciate for taking you under her wing.

damian made his way to where you were with jaime, bart, jon, and a few others. you were leaning against the bar, having a beer with jaime and jon as jon was the first to notice him.

"hey robin, fancy seeing you here with the rest of us mere mortals," he joked. it wasn't very common to see damian with the rest of the titans and young justice team. he was usually glued to batman's side as it was his duty to fulfill any questions he had of his own but he figured that since had taken an interest with you, one night like this wouldn't be so bad.

jon followed damian's eye trajectory and chuckled in amusement.

"shooting for the big leauges, huh?" jon asked. damian looked over to him so he could elaborate, "canary's sidekick is a very popular girl to say the least. the media loves her, i can't begin to explain how man lovesick letters i've had to sort through from her fans, and the league themselves love her. plus, i've noticed that a lot of our teammates are very interested in getting to know her, if you get what i'm saying."

damian scoffed, "and i'm damian wayne so lets see how that fairs for everyone else," jon knew damian was as cocky as they came but he knew that his confidence was on another level and what he wanted he usually got whether it meant getting his hands dirty for it or not.

the lights in the roomed had dimmed as he noticed that you were now by yourself with a wine glass between your fingers. damian fixed his tie as jon dusted his best friends shoulders off in encouragement. jon was always ready to support his best friend in anyway that he could even if that meant slightly sabotaging his other friend's chances with you in the process.

you were sipping your red wine as damian approached you cooly, "hey robin! nice seeing you again!" he smiled slightly as he took your cheap wine and set it on the table and handed another one for you to tase, "a red wine from napa, 1909 to be specific," your eyes widened as you took a sip.

"it's slightly bitter but it's pretty good," you replied as you took another drink, "thank you for this, i didn't think i'd be getting any kind of drinks from anyone tonight," you added on.

damian put his shoulder against the wall as he noticed how he practically towered over you, "do you think i could have this dance with you?" he asked as he heard the next song start to play.

you were shocked to say the least.

you knew how hard it was to get on robin's good graces and you had practically done nothing to achieve it. the song was slow and he took your hand softly as he led you to the dance floor.

thankfully, the room was dark enough to where others wouldn't notice that it was him dancing, "thank you for asking me. i didn't think i was interesting enough to get a dance from thee boy wonder tonight," damian laughed, "the pleasure is all mine. i didn't think canary had such an interesting protege,"

"i can't say i'm that interesting, i'm still working my way up the league ladder," you replied. damian scoffed, "it won't take long to make you an official hero," he stated, "with someone of your strength and abilities alone, i can imagine you'll be called up in no time."

you giggled excitedly as damian spun you around and had you face him but closer now, "but before that happens i guess i'll teach you the ropes," he whispered, "and can i ask what that might include?" you asked.

damian lifted your chin and stared at you with his emerald eyes.

"i think i can give you a taste test before the exam approach."

damian was never this straight forward, especially when it came to other league members and their sidekicks but he knew what jon said was correct. it didn't take an idiot to realize how loved you were by everyone and he knew his competition, mainly jaime and connor, could easily win you over so he did the only thing he knew to do in a situation like this, act like his playboy billionaire father as much as he could and from what he could tell, he was on the right track.

[pandora-writes-one-piece]

I think this is where we ask for requests? but if it is shanks x reader fanfic ( fluffy pls! and SFW! ) if ur not uncomfortable with it!🤍

Hiii @iloveyoushanks Thank you so much for your ask (and for all your support on my stories! ❤️ I appreciate it very much!)

This was my first time writting for Shanks (excluding his appearance in the meet-cute series, but he's just a dad there, not a daddy 😏) so I hopeeeeee you like this! Totally SFW! Also, you didn't specify gender, so I kept it gender neutral, hope it's okay! Let me know if you liked it! 🙏 Thank you!

Source for pic

Chasing Constellations

Word Count: 2490

Tags: SFW; gn! x Shanks; Fluff; Comfort; Camaraderie; Acting on crushes;

Special Warning: English is not my first language, I apologise for any possible spelling or grammar mistakes.

Summary: You are done dating boys, you want men. Your Captain claims to be man enough for you. But is he? And are you about to find out?

Notes: Be sure to check out my 100 followers event, as I will close requests on Sunday! Full disclosure, answers to requests may take a while! Thank you for reading this! I do hope you enjoyed it!❤️

Tag List: @rosidaze @beachaddict48 @armiliadawn

Masterlist

“Want to come home with me?”

“Sorry, not today.” You answered with a warm, apologetic smile. 

The man who had been leaning at the counter next to you, all smiles and smooth words, cursed loudly as he turned away, slamming his glass on the wooden counter along with a few coins.

The barmaid sighed as she collected them. “Shame, he was sweet and easy on the eyes. Why didn’t you say yes?”

“I don’t know why, really. I guess I am done with boys. They don’t have the emotional maturity of a man.” You said with a scoff.

“Honey, when you’re dating pirates you can’t help but deal with boys. The only maturity they achieve is in size, not in behaviour.” The barmaid let out a hearty laugh while she poured another drink into your empty glass. “If you ask me, you’re much better off just hooking up randomly. Take ‘em, leave ‘em and be done with it!”

You laughed alongside her, her contagious laugh infecting you and your tipsy state allowing you to behave more freely than you normally would.

“That’s some sound advice there.” Shanks, your captain, clinked his glass with yours before downing it in one gulp. “Or just follow mine: date a real man!” He grinned, his smile creasing the corners of his eyes and forming a charming dimple on the right side of his cheek. 

The barmaid left you two alone as she tended to other patrons and you eyed your captain from top to bottom, humming in what seemed like an appreciative manner, leaving him to puff his chest at you like a bird attempting to mate. “A real man, you say?” He nodded and winked. “Well, when you find one, send him my way, please.”

Beckman, who was next to Shanks, snorted his drink through his nose as he banged his fists against the wooden counter in pure mirth. Shanks’s grin turned into a pout, his hand against his chest in mock hurt. “Ouch.”

“Yeah, you’ll get over it, aren’t you a real man?” And with that, you let a few coins drop onto the counter and turned to return to the ship. Your captain was funny, handsome, strong, intimidating and he could be very protective of you, even if you rarely needed him to help you. You got along great and had both been spending more and more time together, lately, but, even if you harboured the hardest of crushes on him, you would never consider dating him.

He was too much of a flirt, too much of a manwhore, too much of a player…

He was too much. 

Period.

Besides, he would never really be interested in you, right? 

-*-

Tossing and turning in bed, sleep kept eluding you. The cabin was too damn stuffy and your crewmates’ snoring - though normally nothing that bothered you - were driving you insane. If only they could all snore at the same rhythm instead of this dissonant cacophony! 

Huffing, you threw the sheets back and slid on some slippers on your bare feet, grabbing a light blanket to drape over your shoulders because the night and the sea breeze could be unforgiving. 

You found a cosy - secluded - spot by the deck, and sat down, leaning against the balustrade to gaze at the stars. They looked especially bright tonight and the sky was clear of clouds, leaving you with a beautiful painting-like picture to admire. 

Just as you were starting to relax, a deep sigh escaping your lips, you heard a roguish voice near you. “Couldn’t sleep? Or are you searching for your perfect man among the stars?”

You immediately smiled at his words as your eyes met his. A mischievous smirk painted his lips as he pointed up. “How about Orion? A legendary hunter, strong, skilled, muscular?”

You scoffed, your fingers entwining as you hugged your knees and Shanks sat beside you, still looking up. “Orion? The stalker?”

Shanks chuckled, making himself comfortable near you and you didn’t miss the way his leg brushed against yours. “You know your myths?”

“Please! I know myths and constellations! Orion pursued the Pleiades sisters who, in exasperation and desire to escape his endless pursuit, sought the help of Zeus, who placed them in the sky as stars so they could be free.” Shaking your head, you huffed in annoyance. “I don’t know what’s worse, running from someone who can’t take ‘no’ for an answer, or having it be written into a love story by someone who clearly doesn’t understand the concept of boundaries and personal space.”

“Message received!” Shanks chuckled as he scooted his leg away from you and you bit your lip. That’s not what you meant, his touch was quite welcome. If you ignored the fact that this was how he flirted with everyone!

Sensing the slight change in atmosphere, you decided to lighten the mood. 

“Besides, Orion is clearly fictional. If I'm trying to find a man, I need him to be real. Let's see, he was a giant, handsome, with great strength and hunting skills.” You cheekily stared at Shanks, your legs falling to the side in an effort to close the distance he had created when you spoke about personal space. 

Visibly relaxing with the return of your touch, Shanks winked, raising his hand and counting on his fingers. “Giant?” His laugh was cocky and filled with innuendo. “Check! Handsome and strong? Check and check again! Hunting skills? Baby, I'll hunt you down blindfolded in a forest. Try me.”

The huskiness of his voice caught you by surprise, holding your breath prisoner in your throat for a split-second before you both burst into laughter. 

“Well, he was also arrogant, boastful and prideful so that's another three checks for you, Captain.” You nudged him playfully with your leg and he laughed, holding his hand in the air. 

“Aye, aye, guilty as charged.” A moment passed as he scratched his chin, eyes fixed on the sky. “How about that one?” He pointed at another constellation, clearly challenging your previous claim of knowing your way around the stars. 

“Hercules?” He nodded. “Another strong handsome man?”

“I think you might have a type.” He laughed, letting his arm fall on the balustrade behind your head. The heat from his body made you aware of his proximity. “He was brave-...”

“Reckless!”

“He held a strong sense of justice and duty.” 

“Impulsive, short-tempered with anger issues…”

“A hero!” He finished proudly. 

“An idiot.” You replied with a smirk. “They might have been branded as heroes, but they were still boys, flawed, full of themselves, with almost no regard for others, let alone for a loved one.” Sighing you fixed your eyes back on the sky. “Not even heroes and myths are perfect men, Captain. This is an impossible task.”

This all started out as a joke. A simple answer to a question a barmaid - you'd most likely never see again - asked you. And now it has turned into a real dilemma. You were sick and tired of being toyed with. You did want a real relationship, but none of the men - boys! - you'd dated had been ready to commit. 

Shanks was older than you, supposedly wiser and more mature. But he was not boyfriend material, even if he was the perfect man. So he needed to stop this useless flirting if he wasn't going to follow through because your heart wouldn't take it. 

“Well, you've left out a perfect specimen.” He pointed up and you followed, a frown on your features, already regretting having indulged your captain in this banter. 

“Perseus?”

“Yes.” He answered, pride evident in his features for your correct answer. At least you managed to impress him with your knowledge of the stars. “He had no faults. Come on, I dare you to say something bad about him.”

You pondered, your chest rising and falling with a deep inhale, but Shanks didn’t let you speak. 

“He was brave, loyal, honourable, ingenious and resourceful! Plus, he saved his beloved from being eaten alive by a sea beast!” Shanks looked you straight in the eyes and moved his stump, trying to make you laugh again. “Luffy was not my beloved in that sense, but he was still a loved one. I'd say I check all the boxes!”

That did make you laugh, and the two of you shared a fit of giggles, lightening the mood. You could always count on your captain to make you laugh. As you both regained your composure, Shanks let the arm that was on the balustrade fall and land onto your shoulders, pulling you closer to his body, muttering that the night was quite cold and he didn’t want you to catch a chill.  

You didn't object, your head fell against his chest as you tried to blame the unexpected gesture on your slight tipsiness - though by now you were more than sober. 

“There's one fault I can think of about Perseus.” You whispered as a sigh escaped your lips when you realised how well your head fit against him. 

“Really?” Shanks sounded doubtful. His fingers dug into your arm, pulling you even closer, as if there couldn't be any gap between your bodies. 

“Perseus was described as youthful. Some legends say he was around fifteen when he slew Medusa. Others say that he was in his early twenties. A boy. Not a man.” Lifting your face slightly, you let your eyes meet his, a slight sadness pressed into them. “Forget it, Cap. I’m fine on my own. Even if they were perfect,” you pointed your finger at the sky, “they would still be out of reach.”

Shanks’ goofy grin, one he had been sporting since he began speaking to you, fell off his lips as his gaze locked onto yours, his pupils darkening and something else hidden, glimmering and pulling you in like a magnet. 

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m right here, then.” The hand on your shoulders travelled to your nape, fingers slipping under your hair, heat permeating your entire being. “And an even better one, I’m definitely not a boy.”

His eyes never left yours as he slowly leaned down. Your heart pounded incessantly against your chest and every fibre of your being told you to pull away, to flee, to run. This was Shanks! Your Captain! The eternal flirt!

“You’re not a boy, you’re right here… but you’re also a manwhore, Captain.” The soft chuckle that left his lips ghosted over yours, leaving a promise of what could be, if only you let it happen. 

“You know, some things are just myths… I bet Orion wasn't even a giant at all! Perseus courageously defeating a sea beast? I guarantee he was scared shitless! Me being a manwhore - as you so eloquently put it.” His lips brushed yours ever so slightly, an invitation, the opening of a door, leaving you to decide if you wanted to enter or not. “Most definitely a myth.”

“But you are as unattainable as one.” All you had to do was lean in. Just a little adjustment of your mouth. He was right there. 

“Not for you.” Somehow, his words rang true. You hadn't seen him bring anyone to his cabin in ages. Granted, he could still be seeing someone outside of the ship and then returning, but if you thought hard enough, he had barely been flirting with anyone. 

Except you. 

Breathing was hard. He was right there. Thinking was harder. His scent was intoxicating. Hearing was impossible. Your heartbeat pounded so loudly that there was nothing else to hear. 

“You’ll just break my heart.” You couldn’t find the strength to pull away, even though your words might say otherwise. 

“Try me.” It almost sounded like a plea, but it couldn’t be, because Captain Shanks didn’t beg. His fingers pressed into your hair, as if grounding himself and staving off the urge to pull you against his lips. “Please.”

Oh… 

Apparently he did beg after all. 

Shoving all doubts, insecurities and fears down to the pit of your stomach, you pressed your lips against his. Just a taste. A small peck. You were going to pull back, you really were, but Shanks’ hand spread across your nape as he pulled you against him with the hunger of a starving man. 

He tasted slightly of sake, the alcohol lingering on his tongue, making it slightly bitter. But mostly… he mostly tasted of excitement and adventure, of a blissful future and sweet moments. 

Suddenly, the stars were no longer in the sky, they were shining within your closed eyelids, supernovas exploding inside your chest, your head swirling at the speed of light. 

It was… 

“Perfect…” You muttered against his lips as he pulled back a little to let you breathe. Your foreheads pressed together, his hand moving to caress and cup your cheek. Why had you doubted this? 

Why had you doubted him? 

“Gods, I've been craving that kiss forever.” There was still hunger in his voice, but something else, something far sweeter. 

“What do you mean?” Your hands reached in as you pressed your fingers tentatively against his chest, pondering whether you should pull him closer, considering the implications of a second kiss. 

“I thought you were the unattainable myth. Not the other way around. You never gave two shits about me.” He made that familiar whine that told you he was playfully hurt. 

Your chuckle caught you by surprise, so much so that you let your head fall forward, nuzzling the crook of his neck and breathing in the tanginess of his skin, sea salt and sweat mingling into a dizzying aroma. 

“Maybe you should've asked sooner.” You spoke into his skin, holding back the urge to press your lips against it and test how soft it was. 

“Asked what?”

“What that guy asked me at the bar.”

“Oh…” You felt as he took a deep inhale against your head, his hand now placing soft circles against your back. “About wanting to come home with me?”

You hum softly. 

“Aye, aye.” He chuckled as his fingers travelled up to your chin to tilt it, allowing him to stare into your eyes. “So, do you?”

You weren’t about to make this easy on him. “Do I what?”

“Want to come home with me?” He kissed you between words, his lips pressing against your flushing cheekbones, then your closed eyelids, and finally your nose. A softness to his touch you didn't know he possessed. 

The warmth filling your cheeks could have answered for you, but you still nodded, arms circling around his neck, pulling him down toward you, lips merely a breath away. 

“Is that a yes?” He didn’t hide the giddiness in his voice, the slight joviality that your wordless agreement brought. The boyish grin on his face. 

And you didn’t reprimand him for that. Because for all the youthful attitudes your captain had, he truly was a real man.

And one you wanted to date.

[ghyulia]

𝗢𝗯𝗲𝘆 𝗠𝗲 𝗕𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀! 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗢𝘂𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆’𝗿𝗲 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗧𝘆𝗽𝗲 𝗽𝟮!

p1 | p2

‹𝟹 ft. Satan & Beelzebub

sorry for any grammar mistakes!!

𝗦𝗮𝘁𝗮𝗻

𐙚 . He's pretty surprised. Satan knows that he's pretty attractive, but he doesn't have the best of qualities. He genuinely thinks you would fare better with someone who isn't as.. short-fused as him. He appreciates your feelings, of course! He's so madly in love with you

𐙚. Satan resolves not to mention it or make an appearance at the moment as quietly makes his way back to his room. He doesn't think you noticed him.

𐙚. Little did he know, you managed to catch a glimpse of a blonde head swiftly disappearing from behind the door. You knew he heard you and chose not to say anything or make himself known. This threw you for a loop. Did he like you? Did he try to flee the scene in hopes that you wouldn't notice him because he didn't feel that way about you?! All of these thoughts were weighing you down.

𐙚. After a few hours, you finally decided to man up and pay him a visit. It wasn't unusual for you to visit him at this time, since you both usually liked to read while occasionally talking about events that transpired through the day.

𐙚. You knock twice. "Satan?"

"Oh, (Name)." "Come in."

You warily open the door, all your confidence from a few minutes ago dissipating. It's now or never, anyway. You swallow your fear.

"How was your day?" You say. "It was pretty normal. Remember that book from the human world that piqued my interest? It finally came in. I was pretty excited to read it, but I thought it might be better to wait for you. I got a little impatient and read the first few pages, though...I hope that's fine." "Hey, (Name), you seem really tense. Is everything all right?" Satan points out.

"Huh? ..Oh yeah. I'm good..I'm super excited to read the book, too!" You force out. He really is acting like he didn't hear what you said. You were starting to get frustrated, and Satan could notice it too.

"Seriously, (Name). What's up with you?" Satan inquires, confusion written all over his face. His beautiful face. That stupid face!! That face to the body of a stupid demon who's acting like he didn't stupidly hear your confession of love (it wasn't even really a confession..)! That tipped you over the edge.

"What's up with me is that I said you were my type! You were there! You were there....and now you're pretending not to have heard me! That obviously means you don't like me, or at least not enough to mention it! It makes me feel so stupid, Satan. So, so unbelievably stupid. And I know it's not your fault, but sometimes I feel like what we do is pretty intimate, you know?! I mean when we read in your room I'm basically on top of you. A guy who doesn't like me should at least have the decency to stop me from making a fool out of myself. He should push me off him! I really like you, but you obviously don't reciprocate, so you should at least say somet-"

Your ramble is abruptly halted with a short, sweet peck on your cheek. You tilt your head a little to face the Cynical Fourth born, whose ears are fully crimson.

"Y-You.."

"(Name), I'm sorry. I didn't... really know how to bring it up. I told myself that I would later, after we got comfortable. Of course I'm into you. Who wouldn't be? You're amazing, funny, and kind, and you never fail to bring a smile to my face. I'm always quick to anger, as you know..but around you, I always find myself striving to be a better person. You keep me in check. I'm not just into you... I know for a fact that.. ᵗʰᵃᵗ ⁱ..ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ." He barely mumbles out the last part. Your smile grows wider and wider, before you all but pounce on the demon.

"I guess that would make us the perfect pair because I feel the exact way about you, 'Tan!"

Satan's smile is the widest you've ever seen. He doesn't know what the future has in store for him, but he knows that as long as you are by his side, there will be nothing he can't overcome.

𝗕𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘇𝗲𝗯𝘂𝗯

𖦹 He doesn't understand. He's your ideal type of what? He doesn't get it, so he just ignores the statement for a while and continues doing his daily activities.

𖦹 A few hours later, the thought of what you said resurfaces, and while filming his new DevilTube workout video with Asmodeus, Beel decides to ask what it means to be someone's "Ideal type." Once Asmo explains what it means and he finally understands and fully processes what you meant by the statement, he goes fully red. He's so embarrassed he didn't get that earlier. But at the same time, he's ecstatic. You're his type too!

𖦹 Poor guy can't even focus on his workout video. He wraps it up as quickly as possible, leaving Asmo with the editing, and makes a beeline for your room. He stops halfway.

𖦹 He's sweating like a pig...It would probably be best to freshen up before confronting you about what you said. He makes a mad dash to the shower, freshens up quickly, and then hastily makes his way to your room.

"(Name)? You in there?"

"Yeah! Come in, the door is unlocked." Your voice was muffled. "Sorry, I'm looking for a potions book Solomon lent to me. What's up? Asmo was texting the group chat about how you abandoned your "Deviltuber Duties"..or something," You giggled, still not facing him.

"Earlier..You said I was your ideal type. I didn't know what it meant, so I ignored it, but I know what it means now.." Beel confesses.

You freeze. "You heard that?!" You quickly turn around. You felt like all the blood you had in your human body was rushing straight to your face. Your eyes meet his, and you finally realize that the 6'4 demon's face is also decorated in a deep shade of red. You guys are practically matching at this point!

"(Name)... You should probably know that you're my type too. You've always accepted me and my brothers. You still treated Belphie with kindness even after the rough start you two had. I admired that about you. I'm okay with sharing my food if it's you. I've always thought you were amazing ever since the day you stood up for me and Luke. You didn't waver in front of Lucifer, who can be really scary at times...and it made me feel so warm. My feelings only grew from there."

You tear up a little. "Beel, you're so amazing. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you."

"I think it's the other way around, (Name)." Beel leaves a chaste kiss on your lips and engulfs you in a warm hug.

The Gluttonous seventh-born knows he'll continue to treasure you forever. Beelzebub had never paid any mind to the sun at first because it never shined in the Devildom, but you changed that. You exuded light and radiance from the moment he met you. You were the sun. His sun. He's just so happy that he gets to be the one closest to your heart. You smile and indulge in his embrace, the potions book long forgotten.

a/n: ahhh it's done!! sorry for the wait omg :(( I'm thinking of what to write ab next but I hope ygs enjoyed this one! oh if anyone has any ideas on what I shld write abt next pleaseee lmk haha :)

[wolfish-trickster]

Pen pal

Geto x fem!reader

College AU

Word count: 12,6K

Summary: After your meme post about your STEM studies is noticed by a kind stranger the two of you start a conversation and become internet friends.

Warnings: cussing, typos, grammar mistakes, probably not accurate for all colleges since I'm using mine as a reference, fluff, angst, slowburn, eventual smut (i'm bad at writing it so sorry)

A/N: wanted to write angsty af, but turned to smut.... enjoy and don't get used to it 😂

You hit send and stretch on your chair, your spine cracks after sitting down and hunching over your laptop for so long. It wasn't the healthiest but once you started writing you couldn't stop. Words in your begged you to let them out into the world. Or rather your final essay.

It took a while but it was finally finished. A week in advance, might you add. With this thing off your hands you could finally relax and concider the first year of your college to be officially over. All finals done and graded, no fails or retakes. And you have three months of doing absolutely nothing before you.

You smiled looking at the mail to the professor, your essay attached and secured.

Wait a minute.

The file you saved and attached has a different name than your final version.

You panic, quickly attach the file titled "final draft" and write: I'm sosorry mr prof i acidentally sentd the wrong file, this is the corr.rect one.

Only after you hit send did you notice all the typos but frankly you didn't care. Even this little embarassment was way better than your little what you deem funny notes written everywhere in your essays. It's like a fun excercise for you, using humor to keep your brain from falling asleep and potentionally hitting a block.

"Calm down heart, everything is okay," you whisper to yourself, "look, the correct version is there. Now you can start a summer break. So please, stop beating so fast."

But your heart knew something you didn't yet and kept rapidly beating. You stared at the new mail. The correct file was right there so why-

You didn't copy the conclusion from the draft to the final file. You checked the final draft just in case and sure enough the three paragraphs you wrote ten minutes ago weren't there.

"How can I be this fucking stupid?!" you cussed at yourself while you were pressing ctrl, c and v keys fixing your mistake.

This time you took deep breaths, wrote gramatically correct apology, attached the correct file (which you opened before you attached it) and finally hit send.

You finally calmed down. Now that you think about it the poor professor of yours will be so confused but amused as well. You chuckled to yourself and already formed a meme in your head.

After couple of minutes it was shining proudly on your laptop screen:

Maybe it was the sleep deprived state you were in or the hilarity of your dumbness but right now you though this was the funniest meme you've ever created. You proudly logged on your tumblr account and posted it.

Your blog was relatively small, only reblogging interesting pictures and almost never making your own original posts. And even those you did make didn't get any recognision so you started treating it as your own personal diary. Venting about stuff that went wrong in your life, making memes either about things happening to you or after your brain once again made a weird connection between two subjects discussed in class. Almost no one but you found them funny, hence the lack of notes under your posts but you stopped caring a long time ago. You found them funny and it was all that mattered.

But now all that matter was you finally getting a good night's sleep with no stress, no alarm waking you up early to study, absolutely nothing.

Being dumb as always you forgot to turn off your usual 7am alarm. Groaning you rached for your phone and with one eye still closed you tried turning it off. Only to notice something unusual. You got a notification. From tumblr. Someone liked your post. And commented too!

All sleepiness left your body as you quickly went into the app on your phone and checked the notes.

⬛ black-swallow commented: damn and here i thought i was the only one making dumb mistakes in college 😂

For your first ever comment it was certainly...something. You didn't know whether to comment back playfully or leave it. But out of pure curiosity you commented back.

@ black-swallow yeah nah, there are more of us. Btw what was the dumbest thing you did?

The reply would probably take a while, if ever, so you started your morning routine: skin care, brush your teeth, hair, etc.

As you sat down with your breakfast you checked the notes and surprisingly your new buddy commented back.

⬛️ black-swallow: i basically did the same thing you did with your essay, but i did it with my application. Had to send it four times...

You almost spit out your water. Four times? Poor fella. Must've been so stressed.

@ black-swallow oh that sounds really stressful. But hey you got in in the end!

⬛️ black-swallow: yeah, and got kicked out too :')

Okay now's the time to stop talking, unless you want to embarass yourself even further. Cringing at yourself you closed the app and turned off your phone. First person you interacted with on that god darn app and you embarass yourself like that. Unbelievable.

After finishing breakfast you had no plans for the day. Other than enjoying your fellow freshmen stress about their finals which you since long passed. You just propped up your legs and relaxed. Until you heard another tumblr notification.

But this time it was a dm.

Sorry to bother you like this but can i ask what does bioarcheology mean? Sounds terrifying.

"Calm down," you said to yourself, "it's just a dm, nothing difficult. Besides this person sounds nice. They don't know you, they can't see you, they can't hurt you."

The years of your parents beating your head with 'don't talk to strangers online' went out the window the moment you replied to the very first person reaching out to you through internet.

Nothing interesting really, i picked that class for extra credit anyways 😅

The reply came in imediately. You and this person must be in the same timezones. How lucky!

Come on, don't be so humble. When i passed my first scary sounding class i was talking about it to everyone willing to listen

Well, what was your scary sounding class then?

Biophysics

Holy 💀 physics alone is hell but mixing it with biology as well?

Ikr? Honestly some lectures were really interesting but others were like a lullaby for me 😴

I understand, some bioarcheology lectures were boring for me too. By the way what college are you on?

*were. Medicine.

Sorry, i forgot 😣 and yeah, should've guessed... sorry

Hey it's okay. And don't apologize, maybe things were supposed to be like this

What do you mean?

I wasn't feeling very well on that school, i just didn't wanna quit in the first year. And before you ask i dropped out after second

So you were forcing yourself to stay on a school you didn't like anymore for two years?

Yup. Everyone else had gotten to the schools they wanted and loved it, i felt like i was wasting my time but if i left willingly only after a year i would be a year behind everyone else. So i left it up for fate

And fate decided to kick you out

True to that. But i still like science, just not the medicine part of it...

After studying biophysics i'm not even surprised...

It took your college drop out some time to write a reply so you made yourself a cup of your favourite tea, force of habit since you studied with it too. So far you're starting to like texting with some complete stranger. Getting to know their story. Is this why people casually slide into others' dms?

Your friend finally replied.

Sorry, my roommate needed help with packing. As for your last message there were lots of other classes that were equally if not harder than biophysics, but all of them either dealt with anatomy or physiology which is basically memorizing. When it comes to finding patterns and math and using logic i'm pretty slow

You chuckled and typed a reply.

You'd like it on my college then. Lots of memorizing, very little logic. Which sucks for me because i'm the exact opposite 😂

Well, now that i'm a free man and know an insider i just might apply 👀

So now that you know he's a man. Okay, you can live with that. Even though you felt a tad more nervous now that you know something a bit more specific.

What's your school called?

It's the natural science one. The same city as your previous school

You vividly remember your bus passing by the best medical school in your entire country. You just hope he really was attending that one and not a different, less prestigeus one.

Natural science? So STEM in other words

Basically

Yeah i know which one. Coincidentally after highschool that one was my second choice in case med doesn't work out.

See, maybe fate wanted you in STEM all along

Haha, maybe 😂 My name's Suguru Geto by the way

I'm Y/N, nice to meet you :)

*

Summer quickly passed and the only thing you remember was your talks with Geto. They were shy and reserved at the begining, mostly starting with 'how are you?' continued with 'good, and you?' followed by some awkward silent minutes before it evolved into a deep conversation about the immortality of a cockroach.

You found out lots of things about his life. How he met his best friend in highschool, how the two of them and one other girl used to wreak havoc across the town, how they all got into the same college albait with different intentions. The girl called Shoko genuenly wanted to become a doctor dreaming about it her whole life. Geto's best friend Gojo, being very competitive but also a son of a wealthy CEO didn't need to go to a college but wanted to to be with his friends (later he admited to Geto he got into that school just to show Shoko it's not as hard as she said it was). And Geto applied because he had no idea where else to go. He liked science, biology, chemistry, being in lab, creating something new which would help the world. Med school sounded like the clear answer for him, if it wasn't for the boredom he experienced the first semester.

He told you how he struggled in some classes finding them absolutely unnecessary and beneath him, his professor condescendingly talking to them as if they were less than worm beneath the ground if they didn't know an answer. He went above and beyond to at least pass the class hoping next semester would be better. Oh how wrong he was. No matter what he did, no matter how selflessly he helped his classmates they never showed gratitude. When he upped his grade from barely passing to top of the class no one even bat an eye, as if that was a sure thing.

By the time second year came he was so mentally drained he didn't even bother to show up to classes anymore. Why bother if the teachers are just reading the text off of their powerpoint presentation and he has to learn it by himself in the end anyways?

The more he ranted to you the more you pitied him. For you STEM was the first and only path in your life, dreaming about it since you were a kid. For him though? Thinking you finally found your path only to be this utterly disappointed must've been like a stab to the back.

Getting a letter about him being expelled must've been half relieving to him and half disappointing. On one hand you have your freedom of choice back on the other you have the stress of possibly not making it in.

The entire summer wasn't just about him talking to you, no no, he was also a great listener. You complained about mundane things to him and he always answered in matter of minutes. He was always there for you, but now you were the one to be there for him as well.

Y/N i'm so stressed i feel like puking

You'll be fine, don't worry about it. If anything there are lots of plant pots on hallways for you to puke in and fertilize them ^^

As if... i'll go to the deanship like a civilized person thank you very much

Very classy geto 🙄 By the way which place holds the entrance exams? Have you found it?

B1 404, standing infront of it. Why? Did you take it someplace else last year?

No, never had to take it, had grades good enough

Show off

I know 😘

You cringed as you realized what emoji you just sent him. Force of habit from sending it to your friends whenever you manage to prank them. To your surprise he sent you back a winking AND smirking emoji. You blushed. He has never sent you anything flirty or suggestive. Why would he? The two of you didn't even know eachother that well or what the other one looked like. He could be a slimy looking weirdo with a pedo-moustache for all you knew.

Okay Y/N, gotta go now, wish me luck

Always Geto, good luck!

*

Can I ask you something?

It was weird for him to start your everyday conversation with this sentence, you thought.

Sure. Is it something about the school mister accepted?

No, don't worry, i'll get to exploiting you later 😏 I wanted to ask, what do you look like?

If the first message didn't make you blush the second one sure did. You never asked eachother about your appearance. You already made an image of him in your head. The longer you knew him the more your imagination turned him from a questionable weirdo to an almost cute nerd.

You'll see once the semester starts

You really think i can wait that long? Do you even know me? If you're shy would it be better if i showed you how i looked like first?

Yeah, that would be better.

It took couple of minutes before your screen lit up with a new message.

You almost passed out. There's no way someone can look this good in just an oversized tshirt and sweatpants. And a man bun of all things! The jawline, you were pretty sure it could cut diamonds. His eyes, narrow and sharp, with irises dark enough to not even see his pupils. And yet they seemed oddly kind to you.

The longer you looked at the selfie he sent you the more heat rushed to your face. There's no way a guy this gorgeous has been texting with you this entire summer.

That's not you

It is

It isn't! You just googled a model or something

A model you say 😏

That damn emoji will kill you one day. Before you could get a hold of yourself you got another selfie from him. This time he had a post-it note with your name on it between his lips.

Believe me now?

*

It's been a couple of days since he sent you that picture and you still haven't replied. Every morning Geto woke up and checked his phone but still no replies from you. Well, aside from a picture of a naked cat and calling it your nude.

"Your girlfriend still not talking to you?" Gojo asked.

Geto sighed. "Stop calling her my girlfriend. And yes, still nothing. I told you that last selfie would be too much for her."

Gojo took a bite from his apple. "Was worth a try," he said mouth half full of his granny smith, "didn't she send you a pic back?"

Geto showed him his phone screen and Gojo coughed out his chewed peace of apple.

"Ew, you're cleaning it," Geto jumped back from the mix of apple and spit that landed next to him on the couch.

"Hey and whose fault it is to bag a girl with an excellent sense of humor?" Gojo reluctantly went to the kitchen to get a wipe to clean up his mess. "And even if she's ugly her being funny may make up for it."

Geto sighed. "She's just a friend who happens to be my future upperclassman, I don't care if she's ugly. I mean, I'm friends with you afterall," he smirked.

Gojo showed him his tongue while pulling one of his lower eyelids down and left the living room. (A/N: what Gojo just did is like giving someone a middle finger but in japanese way)

*

You were more stressed than ever. Which was partially understandable, you're about to enter the second year of university tomorrow. The assignments, the lab reports, the midterms, the finals.... Your head was already spinning from the amount of studying that's infront of you. And they say the first year is usually the hardest.

But other than the usual fears you had another one called Geto Suguru. A guy you've been talking to the entire summer. A guy who has sent you bunch of winky and smirky faces. And his actual face. Twice.

Since then you'd talked sporadically. Not that he was pestering you about your own face reveal, he was oddly conciderate about you not wanting to show yourself to him just yet. Both of you were just busy. You with buying new supplies for all your classes and him with probably the same.

It wasn't that you thought of yourself as ugly or anything. On your best days you even thought of yourself as quite cute. But compared to other girls around you... you just fell into the background. Forever the side character.

Either way, the closer it got to the first day of the semester the more messages from him blew up your phone every day. Stuff as "where is the xyz class" or "does this professor take attendance every lecture?" was on a daily basis now. Gone were the deep talks or good mornings that made your heart skip a beat even before you knew what the guy sending you these messages even looked like. But you couldn't blame him. New environment. New people. If you were in his place you'd probably act the same.

For the last time you checked your phone for new messages from him. Aside from the one thanking you for a map of the campus nothing new. He must've gone to sleep already, you thought.

Checking your backpack for the last time before bed has soothed your thoughts about possibly bumping into your internet friend tomorrow. You finally went to bed.

*

The bus is usually empty whenever you take it to school. Which you thank all gods for because it's a thirty minute drive and with the amount of walking you still have to do to get to the school you were greatful for always finding an empty seat. Sitting by the window as usual, looking at all those different people going about their morning routine. Kids of all ages going to schools, adults either nervously honking at the car infront of them or taking their dog for a walk with no care in the stressed out world around them. You were stuck inbetween these two worlds. Still burdened with school work but also with adult chores. Stuck in your own personal limbo.

The bus turned right. A huge light blue building appeared in the corner of your eye. Outside the window was the medical school you always passed by kn your way to school. The same medical school your new friend attended few months ago. You started to wonder about him for the first time that day and your usual angxiety returned. How will you meet? And when? Would it be today? Should you approach him if you see him? How will he react?

Your train of thoughts came to a stop just like the bus. Outside the window at the bus stop stood a familiar modelylike face. The same face you took a screenshot of and stared at every day since he sent it to you.

Suguru Geto boarded the same bus. Eyes still half asleep never even looked your direction. He took a seat right infront of you giving you a perfect view of his luscius hair tied in a half up bun. You stared at him as if he was a ghost. You weren't ready to meet him this soon. What should you do? Should you tap him on the shoulder? No. Rather not. You remember how he told you about his morning temper and how he can snap at people if he doesn't get enough sleep.

Out of fear of him snapping at you you pulled your hand back and stared out the window again. You'll bump into him later. Hopefully.

You were tense the rest of the drive to your school. When the bus finally came to your stop you practically sprinted to the bus door and out onto the busy street. Not even bother to look back if Geto gave you a weird look you quickly walked up the stairs and up the hill quickly getting surrounded by fellow students. Some were familiar from the previous year, some were complete strangers. You could easily spot a freshman, by their nervous faces and unsure steps. You looked just the same before.

Now your step was more confident, knowing where to go, but your hands were nervously rubbing eachother. Sometimes you checked behind your shoulder and sure enough Geto was right there towering above most of the students. You had guessed he was tall but that tall?

No matter. Pretty soon your paths would drift apart. He already told you he has a virology lecture which takes place in a completely separate building than your biochemistry labs. If you were lucky you could pass by him in a hall today. You hoped not to though. Sitting behind him has already made your heart nearly beat out of your chest, how would it react if he was walking right towards you?

Suddenly your phone vibrated in your pocket as you walked through the front entrance. It was Geto. You exchanged phone numbers in case he ever needed anything and you weren't online to see his message. Which was what you told him. In reality you really wanted to hear his voice at some point. In a safe distance.

You pulled out your phone and checked to see what he had sent you. It was a picture of the front entrance with a caption "i'm on a highway to hell". You chuckled. Of course he would be into that type of music. Before you turned the phone off something caught your eye. It was the back of your head. Right there in the middle of the picture about to enter the school. You blushed. If only he knew he already took a picture of you.

You only replied with a smiley face and informed him you're already on your way to your first class. He wished you good luck as you did him and both of you stepped into the new chapter of your lives.

*

You traitor

Only a week into the semester and he already scared you half to death. Did he already find out what you looked like?

Why didn't you tell me i have to take organic chemistry again 😫

You sighed in relief.

Sorry buddy. But hey, look at it from the bright side: you already studied all of it once before. And i doubt our organic chemistry is more difficult than yours was

The lectures are fine, already had one this week. But the labs. THE LABS

Come on it can't be that bad. Judging by the pictures of your cooking over the summer, you're quite skilled at measuring and mixing ingredients. It just won't be edible

It's not that. The labs are super boring. You don't acomplish anything during them and their only purpose is for you to learn how to behave in labs in general, how to work with the various tools and how to properly write lab reports. They just prepare you for AFTER you already graduate

Isn't that how all labs are though?

Well, yes. But we at least had little competitions during our morgue classes

YOU WENT TO THE ACTUAL MORGUE 💀

No, don't worry. Me and Satoru called it that. It was actually autopsy room

Satoru. Your friend right?

Yeah

Do you miss him?

Sometimes. i mean we are still roommates but since we have different scheudals we don't get to interact much outside of weekends... But on the bright side as you like to say i can finally focus on the lectures 100%. Before Satoru used to always taunt me into playing tic-tac-toe. I miss the winning tho...

You chuckled. He was so goofy, despite looking really serious every time you caught a sight of him. Maybe he just has a resting homicide face.

Anyways, have to go now. Tomorrow is my first organic chemistry lab

Okay, good night Suguru! Good luck!

:)

What?

You called me Suguru

Only then you realized your mistake.

I'm so sorry 😣

It's fine. I like it. Good night. Sweet dreams <3

*

As unlucky as you were while texting Suguru you were lucky in other aspects. Your morning lecture got cancelled. Which meant you had around two hours of free time. Which you couldn't spend in bed unfortunatelly, because the little remnants of bad luck caused you to read the mail about cancelation only after you were already in school. It was fine tho. You could finally get a taste of true college life.

You got a coffee from school café, bought a sandwitch from the diner, found yourself a couch in a chill zone near the chemistry department, which were usually all full of stressed out or relaxing students, pulled out a laptop and worked on your lab report.

Working came easy to you even though you had rushing students all around you. Even through all the noise and distraction your fingertips still dance across the keys, your mind still produced intelligent sounding senteces. You were about to save the whole file when someone tapped you kn the shoulder.

"Yeah-?" you looked up and nearly died right then and there. It was Suguru. Towering above you with his hair fully pulled up except for a small strand framing his face. Has he found you already?

"Sorry but, do you know where the room CH1 409 is? We're kinda lost and only have like 7 minutes to get there," he said sheepishly as he stepped aside revealing what you assumed were his three lab mates. Two of them were girls. You hated how jealous you started to feel.

"S-sure," you managed to stutter out. "I can take you there actually. It's a little difficult to find and I'm not the best direction giver," you chuckled awkwardly while putting your laptop back to your bag.

"Wonderful! Thank you," said one of Suguru's friends.

You nodded and walked ahead of them. It was a shame you didn't get to hear his voice more. You decided to change it.

"So, you're freshmen," you started. As much as you hated smalltalk you really wanted to hear that smooth baritone of his.

Your unluckiness strikes again. "Yeah, how did you know?" said one of the girls.

"You dummy," told her the other girl, "she knows where the lab is, she's probably had to take the exact same classes as us!"

"Oh, yeah you're right."

"And how do you like it here so far?" you tried again.

"It's great here," answered the guy, "though some classes are pretty difficult. I have no idea how I'll be able to pass."

"Don't worry, if you have motivation you'll pass," you tried encouraging him. "What about you?" you directed your question at Suguru who was walking behind everyone.

He only shrugged. "Don't know, has only been a week. Too short to judge," he answere a bit coldly.

"Oh don't mind him," one of the girls patted your back, "he can be a giant ass sometimes."

Not to me though, you thought. What about all those times he was the sweetest guy with you? Maybe he just hasn't slept well. Yeah, that must be it.

Before you could try to conversate a bit more you arrived at the lab. There were other freshmen already waiting in their lab coats on and their notebooks in hands. Suguru and his friends pulled out their lab coats as well. Disappointed at your very first (albeit unofficial) meeting you turned around to leave when one of the girls stopped you.

"Thank you so much for showing us the way!" she said cheerfully. Behind her stood Suguru. Now that you think about it he was always walking behind her. If you inspected her more closely you noticed she had a miniskirt on with fishnets underneath.

Jealousy is a beast that you usually fight off quite quickly. But today you lost. "Can I give you an advice?"

"Sure," she smiled, her perfectly white teeth stood out against the deep red lipstick she had on.

"Don't wear too much make up to labs, the fumes from chemicals could react with it and burn you. Also tie your hair up," you gestured at her long silky waves while noticing how she tried to hide her big forhead by letting it down, "they could catch on fire."

Hopefully you desguised your pettiness as good enough of an advice. The girl you were talking to seemed convinced as she thanked you prefusely before asking around for a hairtie. The other girl already pulled out hers.

You waved goodbye to the freshmen, mostly Suguru. They waved back, except for Suguru who kept looking at you quizicaly.

Your previous spot on couches was occupied. You opted for a different resting place, near a room where your next lecture will be held in. It wasn't as cozy as the couch but it was free of any people and it had a desk too. No more balancing your laptop on your thighs.

As you sat down you pulled out your laptop, notebook from labs and a phone who was already telling you about one unread message from Suguru.

Met my first unpleasant person in this place

Your heart tightened. Unpleasant?

What do you mean?

However he didn't respond back. Of course he didn't. He had labs. He was probably busy with titration or other bullshit you did a year ago. You will just have to wait.

The waiting took half a day. Right as his labs were finishing your lecture was about to start. And since this professor wasn't one of the kind ones to send you his presentations you had to take notes manually. It took more than two hours for you to finally get on your phone.

We were lost on our way to organic chem labs and i had to ask someone on a way there. The girl was nice, she even lead us there. But then she made some passive agressive comments to my friend

Oh shit. Were you really that bad?

What did the girl say?

Just told her she can't wear that much make up and has to tie her hair back. My friend has acne she masks with the make up and pretty big forhead which she told me she's self conscious of. Whatever that girl was a bitch for saying that to her

You resisted the urge to cry, swallowed the huge lump in your throat and sat down on the nearest bench. You didn't mean to be that bad. Were you really acting like a bitch? Maybe he's just exaggarating. It was only pettiness. It won't happen again.

Those were good advices tho. The fumes from chemicals could mess up with the make up and burn her skin and if she leaned down above a burner her hair could catch on fire

Once you realized how much you sounded like "that bitch" Suguru was talking about you quickly typed another message.

It was the first thing our professor told us and he beat it into our heads every time a girl came in with lose hair

A reply from him came couple of minutes later.

Yeah, maybe you're right. It's just that That girl had a weird look on her face

You had no way of replying to that. Or mood to reply as well. You just wrote him a quick ttyl and went to the bus stop. On your way downhill from the school you felt your face heating up more and more from embarassement. You knew you should've fought with jealousy more. You knew you should've kept your mouth shut. Now that moment will haunt you forever. And not only that, if you ever get enough courage to reveal yourself to him he will instantly remember you as his first unpleasant person in there.

All in all, it was just the first week but you already want the whole semester to end.

*

Couple of weeks passed. Suguru and you texted nearly every day. Mostly after school. Sometimes he teased you by sending you picutres of stray cats near the campus with captions 'this you?' to which you always sent a rolling eye emoji.

Makes me wonder how many times we passed eachother 🤔

Lots, trust me

Whaaa? And you never bothered to talk to me?

We did actually

Your last message made him lean back too much on his chair and fall.

"You okay?" asked Shoko who still visited him and Gojo either out of boredom or nostalgia's sake.

Suguru ignored her concern and quickly shuffled in his memory. He has talked to so many people outside his class already. Mostly asking for directions to different places. But for the love of him he couldn't figure out if he talked to any girls or how many he talked to. Or how they looked like.

Aaaand can you tell me what we talked about?

You were asking for directions to a lab

Do you even know how little that narrows it down? And why are you so talkative today anyways? Did i tell you something rude or?

No. It's biochemistry. I can't figure it out 😭

Aaaw, my poor girl

As much as he liked the flustered reactions whenever he happened to mildly flirt with you he genuenly meant it this time. He remembers his own time figuratively and literally crying over biochemistry. He decided to take a leap of faith.

How about i study with you? I had biochemistry for two whole semesters and passed it by some miracle

You'd do that for me?

Sure. Besides after all the material you've already sent me and how much you already helped me it's about time i helped you back. Otherwise i just feel like a leech

There was no reply from you for couple of minutes and Suguru was affraid he maybe overstepped this invisible line you drew between them.

He heard hushed voices behind his back.

"What?" he snapped a little more annoyed than he intended.

"Is that girl ignoring you again?" Shoko puffed out some smoke from her cigarette.

"She isn't ignoring me," he waved his hand around in the cloud of smoke clearing the air a bit, "it just takes her a little longer."

"Riiight," Shoko put her cigarette between her lips again.

"I don't understand how the two of you haven't met already," Gojo complained. He should be studying along with Shoko but as usual he kept lounging around, dismissing Shoko's comments about him failing this class for sure with that attitude.

"Half of the semester is behind us already and you still have no idea how she looks like."

"She's shy, let her be."

"Aaaw, look how he's defending his girlfriend," Gojo cooed.

Geto glared.

"Soon to be girlfriend," Gojo corrected himself.

"With the way she's talking to me soon to be an ex friend. She's been so distant lately..." he rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Don't worry, maybe she's just busy," Shoko reassured him.

"She did mention something about biochemistry."

"See!"

"Even then, her messages have been rather weird. Sometimes she's her happy talkative self and other days she barely texts back a full sentence," he sighed.

Gojo patted his shoulder. "That's girls for you. Which reminds me," he pulled out his own phone out of his pocket, "there's a joined party for med students and scientists as well. How about we go? You'll finally get to relax," he adressed poor Shoko hovering above her notes, "and you can invite your soon to be slash maybe never be girlfriend and finally meet her! I plan on meeting this one lady myself so we can organize a double date if you're shy."

"No matter how much you try Utahime will still tell you to go fuck yourself," Shoko reminded him.

Gojo turned around at her. "Well first of all-!"

Geto payed no mind to their arguement anymore. His phone buzzed in his hand. You replied.

Okay. But can we study right now please? Through a phone call?

In a speed of light Geto sneaked out of the living room to his own bedroom and searched for his old biochemistry notes. Even though he offered to help he himself was pretty clueless and barely passed the finals. Still the urge to finally hear your voice was bigger than the embarassment possibly awaiting him.

As soon as he found the old dusty notebook he sat down at his desk and dialed you.

It took only two rings for you to answer.

"Hello?"

By god your voice sounded so cute. He wanted to squich your cheeks so bad. Unfortunatelly he couldn't remember a single person he talked to who would even come close to sounding like you. Granted, the phone makes everyone's voice sound a bit robotic but still. Should he start recording every conversation he has from now on?

"Well hello there," he greeted back with a smile. "So, what is it you need help with?"

You hummed. He distantly heard ruffling of couple of papers. Eventually you answered. "Gluconeogenesis."

"Okay, a bit more specificly?" he already started looking for a page about it but couldn't seem to find it. Did they even cover it?

"Well, the whole thing basically. I know it's glycolysis but backwards but in the presentation the professor showed us were couple of reactions that looked confusing and I don't know what else to do."

Even though he found your whine at the end of your sentence cute he was frantically turning page after page looking for any headtitle starting on G but nothing.

Someone opened his door.

"Who're you talking to?" both his best friend and Shoko peaked through the opened door.

Geto waved at them to leave. "Uhm give me a moment okay?" he said to the phone and then pushed it to his shoulder. "Shoko do you have a biochemistry notebook here?"

"Is that your girl?" she asked insted, excitement in her eyes. "Put her on loudspeaker!"

"Do you have it or not?!"

"If I say I do will you let me hear her?"

Geto contemplated. He wanted to keep you just to himself for a while longer. But without Shoko's help...

Gojo came in with his own half torn notebook dangling it infront of Geto. "It's all yours if you let us hear her."

Geto frowned into his best friends smirked face which matched Shoko's. He rolled his eyes and finally spoke to the phone again. "Listen Y/N, my friends want to hear you, can I put you on a loudspeaker?"

"Uhm, sure?"

As soon as he did Gojo started asking bunch of questions. "Heey how are you? Are you the Y/N Sugu won't shut up about? How do you look like? Why didn't you send my boy a selfie? He likes black so go on and buy some nice black lingerie for him yeah?"

By the time he finished his little rant Geto covered his phones's microphone and nearly kicked him in the gut. Hopefully you didn't hear most of his questions.

Shoko punched him as well chastising him for scaring you off. "Don't mind him Y/N, you'll get used to him. Now say something already!"

After a second of silence you peeped out a shy: "Hi."

"Oh my god Suguru she sounds so cute," Gojo gushed.

"Don't let her near him," Shoko pointed at Gojo. "It was nice to hear you Y/N, can't wait for Suguru to introduce you to us properly. Enjoy your study date!" she said as she dragged Gojo away before he could blabber out some more inapropriate things.

Suguru turned the loudspeaker off and it was just you two again.

"What the hell was that," you asked with panic in your voice.

"My friends trying to ruin my life. They mean well though, don't worry. It's just rare for them to see me interacting with a girl."

"But whenever I see you on the halls you're surrounded by couple of girls though."

Geto smirked. "Is that jealousy I hear?"

"Maybe."

Before he could press any further you asked about biochemistry and he quickly found the page he needed. Thankfully back then Gojo was at least trying to take notes in classes so the entire gluconeogenesis was neatly explained. After about twenty minutes you exclaimed you finally understood and thanked him.

"My pleasure Y/N. Was this why you weren't talking to me that much?" he leaned back on his chair.

"This and another thing, but it's okay now."

"Aaaw, what other thing? You know you can always talk to me right?"

"I know, but not this time. Sorry."

"It's fine," he said sadly. In the back of his mind he imagined bunch of different scenarios that could trouble you. Failed test, mean classmates, or worse a crush on a classmate.

"Hey, you have a nice voice," your words pulled him from his thoughts.

He chuckled. "Look who's talking. Even though are you sure it was me you talked to? I swear I never heard such a melodic voice from anyone in school."

"Well, you were kinda in a hurry. And was focusing elsewhere too..."

"Huh? What do you mean?" he genuenly didn't understand. Focusing elsewhere?

"Nevermind. By the way how do you like it so far? It's been almost half a semester now."

"It's going pretty good. Much more interesting than med school. Even though," he rocked on his chair back and forth, "it would've been nicer if we could've met face to face."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"I don't think that's a good idea though."

He quickly stopped rocking and sat up straight. "What? Y/N..." he couldn't even find words. Why wouldn't you want to meet up with him? "Y/N, have I been rude to you? Have I scared you off while we talked in real life?"

"No."

He sighed in relief.

"You barely even looked at me."

His heart tightened again.

"It's just that," you paused for a second trying to put together a whole sentence, "I've seen the girls you hang around Suguru and all of them are really beautiful. Standing besides them I look nothing special. You would be disappointed if we met and you knew it was me. Isn't it better this way? I bet you imagine me as this model or something," you chuckled but he could hear the sadness in your voice.

"Y/N, first of all my imagination is pretty bad so I only imagine you as a girl with your name written across your face," you chuckled at that which made his heart swell, "and second of all those girls hang around me, not the other way around. Most of the time we travel in groups and look for places together which is way more efficient than getting lost alone. Besides, none of them can even hold a candle to you intellectually. Once in a virology lab this one girl gathered a sample of bacteria on that wire thingy and put the whole thing into the burner. She was very surprised why she had nothing grown on her petri dish a week later"

"Oh my god," you laughed out loud. "How will she pass?"

"Maybe she won't. I heard some other upperclassmen say the first year is usually treated as a sorting out year."

"It's possible. But her effectively killing all her bacteria sample is something else."

"It is," he chuckled at the memory. "Now that I think about it do you remember that unpleasant girl i told you some weeks back?"

"Yeah," you said emotionlessly but he paid it no mind.

"The girl she gave advice to was the same girl who burned off all her bacteria. Maybe she was right about advicing her like that. Maybe she could smell the stupid on her."

"Maybe."

There it was again. The one word answers.

"What is it now?" he asked concerned.

"Nothing, I just," you paused. He could sense a hesitation from your side. Eventually you spoke up again. "I just think I know that girl."

"Oh? Is she your friend?"

"More or less."

"Then I'm sorry if I offended her."

"Nah, it's fine. Do you still think of her as a bitch?"

"No."

"Then all's fine," he could hear you smile and he smiled as well.

"Well Suguru, as much as I like hearing your voice I have to go to sleep now. Thank you for explaining it to me again. I don't know what I would've done without you."

His heart sped up at the praise. "It was fine Y/N, that's what friends are for right? Oh and one more thing!"

"Yeah?"

He hesitated but finally he gathered enough courage. "Satoru told me about an upcoming party for scientists. Are you coming?" he asked hopefully.

"Maybe. It should be after a midterm from embryology. Let me check."

He patiently waited while you checked your calendar. Even if you wouldn't be going he would still find a way to meet you. Now that he knows what you sound like he could just walk around and listen to people talking.

"No, unfortunately it's the night before the midterm. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," he tried masking his disappointment. Even though he admired how dedicated you were to your studies he really wished you could make an exception.

"Hey, maybe next time, okay?"

"Yeah, maybe fate will arrange my life again," he joked and you chuckled.

"Yeah. You never know. Good night Suguru. Sweet dreams."

*

Your midterm was around the corner. As was the party Suguru mentioned. You still see him in halls here and there, often surrounded by a group of people. There didn't seem to be a time where he was alone. Unsurprisingly so, since he looked like... well, like him. To sooth your jealousy there didn't seem to be any prominent lady hanging around him all the time. The faces in his close circle were always changing. Even the famous dummy from virology seemed to disappear. Maybe his words about merely traveling together were true.

Today however you payed no attention to him or his newfound friends. The only thing on your mind was your midterm. Other groups have already taken it and you heard them say how life draining it was. Their words were confirmed after you passed by a group of your friends who just finished it. Well, friends was a strong word. As freshmen you often relied on eachother but now that you know your way around and you were sorted jnto different groups you talked less and less.

"Hey," you greeted them. "How was it?"

"Run for your life girl," the one who had most prominent eyebags replied.

Some other people who you didn't know nodded, their faces equally as tired. Eveb the biggest know it all you've met in this darn buidling was mumbling something about retaking it.

From there your legs took you straight to library. It didn't look like those in movies you watched growing up. No fancy decoration or tables with green lamps. Just basic library with books stacked up to the ceiling, basic wooden uncomfortable looking chairs and tables with chipped edges. A pleasure to study there.

With a list of helpful books in your phone you walked around not looking for a particular one. Just procrastinating. If you managed to find one off your list you just flipped around and put it back in. All terms in there were already familiar to you. You doubted you could learn anything new by now.

Few rows bahind you something fell to the ground, the loud noise making you jump. A pretty loud 'fuck' along with a very familiar scolding from librarian soon followed. Amused you peeked into the corridor to check the poor guy's first experience with the dreaded librarian. It must be a freshman. Everyone else already knows to not even breath when in closed proximity of that witch.

It really was a freshman. But your freshman. Suguru stumbled from the alley into the corridor and quickly hid in the same row you were in, running by you, barely sparing you a glance.

The librarian calmed down and returned to her usual spot, a spawnpoint as you liked to call it. Once she did Suguru sighed and leaned back, a small smile tugging on his lips.

You admired him for a bit. It's been a long time since you've seen him, let alone been this close to him. Once he calmed down his head fell back to its usual level and he finally noticed you. His smile faded and your heart cracked. "Hi," he politely greeted. You only nodded back aknowledging him and opened the book you held on a random page. The whole book could be upside down and you would never even know, the only thing you were focusing on was his figure. Which was moving slowly towards you.

"Uhm, excuse me," his melodic voice made you look up at him. Your cheeks got heated as you waited for his next words. "Could you move?" he asked and pointed at the shelf you were leaning on.

"Oh, sorry," you whispered back and quickly moved. Your legs itched to walk away completely to not embarass yourself even further but something stopped you. A sudden urge rose inside you. 'Talk to him. Tell him.'

He flipped through his book, completely unbothered by his surroundings. Thank god for that. It gave you some time to psych yourself up. Twice you opened your mouth and closed it again. He took out his phone to snap couple of pictures of the pages in his hands. An idea.

You pulled your own phone out and messaged him.

Hey, you there?

After hitting send it only took couple of seconds for his phone to vibrate. He glanced at it again with annoyance but after a while a smile creeped up his face as his fingers danced across the screen.

Well hello, how was the study session?

Good. Listen, where are you right now?

Butterflies flew around your insides as you watched him type.

In library. Why? Wanna meet? ;)

This is it. It's now or never.

Look left.

With hope filled eyes you watched him and waited. The message finally got delivered. He read it. Then he turned his head. Your eyes finally met.

"Hi," you said carefully.

"Hi," he repeated, a dumbstruck expression on his face.

You expected a lot. Everything actually. But not what he did. It was just a small movement, some would write it off as just a spasm of muscles. In split second his eyes drifted from your face to someplace behind you and back down to you. As if checking if you're really the only one there.

Your throat tightened as tears slowly clouded your vision. "You're disappointed, right?"

That brought him back to reality as he shook his head. "No, no, of course not. Just surprised, that's all!"

How you wished you believed him. A tear has already escaped your eye and you cursed yourself. Not wanting to embarass yourself even further you turned around ready to leave.

"Hey, wait up," he stopped you by putting his large hand on your shoulder.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTHS," came an angry voice of the librarian. Both of your hearts stopped beating for a moment.

"Outside?" he mouthed to you.

You nodded and both of you practically sublimated out of there. Standing outside he finally took a good look at you. His eyes resting only on you, despite people walking around. Feeling selfconscious you tugged on your coat. It was supposed to snow today so you took the fluffiest you had, making you look three times your size.

"Ehm, so," you broke the silence, "it was nice meeting you and all but, I have midterm to study for sooo..."

"Oh, but we only just met," he pouted. It was cute, seeing a hunk of a man like him pouting like a kid who lost his favourite toy.

"Sorry," you apologized genuenly meaning it. Even though you'd love to stay time was pressing down on you.

Suddenly his eyes lit up. "Do you remember the party I mentioned to you?"

"The one in two days? Yeah, I remember. Why?"

He grinned. "My roommate is going there so my place will be free. And I need to study as well so we can study together. What do you say?"

His suggestion was tempting. But then again, being with him, all alone, possibly even staying the night? But you always studied much more efficient when you had someone beside you.

After few moments of pondering you nodded making his eyes even brighter.

"Great! I'll text you the address," he held up his phone and winked. "See you later kitten."

*

"This was probably a bad idea," you tell yourself as you check the address one last time. You were already standing under the building. A pretty fancy one. Didn't look like dorms at all. Maybe it wasn't. He did mention his roommate is unholy rich though so maybe this is one of the perks of being his friend?

First snowflakes dropped on your phone screen. You looked up. The clouds didn't even look dark enough to start snowing. The weather forecast didn't mentikn it either. You pulled your coat tighter around you a regretted not putting on another layer just in case like you use to.

The front entrance opened revealing Suguru in black sweatpants and black knitted sweater. "There you are! Come in before you freeze," he stepped aside and held the door open for you.

His place was on the eighth floor. The ride in the elevator wasn't long but for you, being so close to Suguru, it seemed like hours. Finally the elevator dinged and the doors opened. A white haired man wearing a pretty expensive looking shirt stood infront of it. You looked up and him and gulped. What kind of a man wears shades in the building?

"Sugu, is that her?" the man asked pointing a finger at you not even looking in your direction.

Suguru pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, this is her. Y/N, this is-"

"Satoru," he took your cold hand in his and leaned down, "pleasure to meet you."

Before he could kiss the back of your hand you pulled it from under his nose and held defensively against your chest. Suguru's shades slid down his nose slightly, revealing surprised blue eyes.

Giggling came from behind him. "I like her," said a brunnette in dark blue dress. "I'm Ieri."

"I'm Y/N," you smiled.

Suguru cleared his throat. "Okay now that we all know who the other one is," he placed his hand on your lower back making your blood quickly travel to your cheeks, "we better go study. Enjoy the party you two," he gently pushed you inside the open apartment door.

"Fine, fine," Satoru rolled his eyes. "If you need condoms I put some of mine in your bedside table."

"We are really going to study though," you said but he only chuckled.

"Yeah I know. Embryology," he winked under his shades and pulled Ieri along with him leaving you and blushing Suguru behind. Alone.

"Ignore him," he said and offered you Ieri's soft slippers. "Tea?"

"Yes please," you took of your coat and hanged it. Their place didn't look like it belonged to a pair of students at all. Everything looked expensive. The ridiculously giant aquarium in the living room wasn't helping at all. Upon further inspection you only saw two fish in there, one black the other white.

Suguru came back from the kitchen. "Those were Satoru's idea," he tapped the aquarium glass.

"It's cute. To represent you and him?"

"Yeah," he put his hands in his pockets and stood beside you. In the glass' reflection yout two almost looked like you were on a date in aquarium. You smiled at the thought. "He also wanted Ieri to have one as well but she refused. I have a feeling she's shipping us."

You chuckled. "Then my presence must be ruining her ship."

"Hmm, are you suggesting something?" he smirked and leaned in closer to you.

"Ehm," you averted your eyes and pulled your backpack off of your shoulders, "we got work to do."

"Right," he straightened back up, his expression unreadable. "Do you want to stay here or go to my bedroom?"

"We can go to yours," you say without actually thinking how it might make you look. Thankfully Suguru found no deeper meaning behind it and lead you to a decently big room. You could tell he was preparing for your visit. No man is this tidy. Even though it's Suguru.

"Make yourself at home, I'll go finish the tea."

"Thanks."

You walked around a bit. There were some pictures of his youth. Some were with people you didn't recognise, some with young Satoru. On all of them he looked extremely cute. Puberty must've hit him like a truck. You also took notice of the dumbells and other training equipment hidden in the corner. You always assumed people like him just went to a gym, or better yet had their own personal gym. Guess he's more of an introvert than you gave him credit for.

Without any further inspections you sat down on his bed, so soft and welcoming. You resisted the urge to lay back and drift off to sleep. It would be perfect. Big soft warm bed, picking up snowstorm outside, a handsome man laying by your side. You shook your head. You're just friends. You're just a friend.

"Tea is here," he walked in with two mugs in his hand handing one to you.

You just held it, wamring up your cold fingers. "Thanks."

With a small smile he nodded and sat right across you on his gamer chair. Did he play videogames as well?

"So, how does the whole studying in pair go?"

You sipped on your tea. Actually you had no idea. The only collective studying yoj ever did was with him through a phone that one time. It was more him explaining things to you rather than mutual teaching. In the end you shrugged. "We'll have to figure it out as we go."

"Guess we will," he leaned back.

He gazed at you so long it made you selfconscious. "What?" you giggled nervously.

He shook his head. "Nothing, just," he moved to lean forward on his legs, "never thought I'd have you here."

"Weren't you the one to beg for a meeting?" recalled all the times he asked on which floor of the school you were or asking for your schedual to surprise you after class.

"I didn't mean that," he said and pointed at his bed. "I meant here."

You looked down and blushed. "Oh."

He chuckled at your flustered expression. "Don't worry, I'm not like Satoru."

"Like Satoru?"

"Horny."

You choked.

"C-can we start studying now?"

He nodded.

*

The clock on his bedroom wall slowly ticked away. You revised everything yoh needed and now was just helping Suguru. In the past hour he restlessly moved from sitting on his chair, to sitting on the parapet to now sitting on the ground right between your legs while you were playing with his long silky hair.

"Come on Suguru! I know you know this!" you tapped his scalp.

"Even if you threatened to shoot me I wouldn't know," he groaned and flipped through his notes again. "Maybe it won't even be on the damn midterm."

"The last time I said this I had to retake it. Besides if you don't pass on the first time then you'll have to retake after Christmas along with your finals. Do you want that?"

He leaned into your hands and closed his eyes. "That won't happen," he tilted his head back and looked at you, "because I have you now."

You chuckled and somehow didn't get flustered. Maybe you were desentisized after spending multiple hours on end with him? "Like I will sit there with you while you take it."

"Why not? I could squeeze you up," he got up from his spot and hugged you real tight against him, "and put you in my pocket like a talisman."

You giggled at him hugging and squeezing you. Without even realizing it he fell down with you in his arms on his massive bed, laughing along with you. When you opened your eyes you were met with his bare neck and long hair framing it. You looked up and realized how close the tow of you are. And how dark it has gotten outside.

He noticed how awkwardly you held your hands infront of you and losened his grip. "I'm sorry. Do you want to go?"

You shook your head and shushed the butterflies in your stomach. "Nope, I just-" you looked away from him, "maybe you're used to it but I've never been this close to a man before..."

He smiled and brushed your hair out of your face to get a better look at you. "I'm not used to it. I told you it's not often I'm close with a member of the opposite sex, and that's why Satoru and Ieri acted so weird. Besides," his hand fell from the top of your head to your neck and rested there, "you're the first girl to lay in this bed."

Your eyes went wide. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

You had no words. How do normal people even react to something like that? You just hummed and let your eyes roam around his face. He looked really cute right now. Like a cat. Even before he always reminded you of a cat. One of your hands rose up from your chest and with the lenght of your forefinger petted him under his jaw, like you would a cat.

"Meow," he said and you chuckled. But your finger didn't stop petting. Hiw own thumbed rubbed the back of your neck, his palm heavy on the side of it.

"I like bwing around you," you confessed."

"Me too. You're so calming."

You hummed and closed your eyes. "Would you mind if I stayed the night?"

"Not at all. I"ll even drive you to school tomorrow so you won't have to freeze in a bus."

Your eyes shot open. "You have a car?"

He shook his head. "Satoru does. He owes me for so much already. And he forgot his keys here too."

You swatted his shoulder lightly. "You're the worst!"

"Only for you."

There it was again. That damn smirk you imagined every time he sent it in an emoji form. Now it was right infront of your face. You readjusted your head. Now it was on the same level as his face as opposed to before when it was underneath it.

"Why did you message me that first time?"

He thought for a while. "Out of boredom mostly. But I'm glad I did," his hand moved from your neck up to your cheek.

"And why did you keep messaging me?"

"Why did you?"

You weren't sure yourself. "I don't know. You were nice I guess."

"And?" he moved closer to you, the tip of his nose brushing your own.

"I don't know!" You whined and moved your head to brush his nose. "What do you want to hear from me?"

"A confession or something," he mumbled. "I really want to hear you say you like me."

Your movement stopped. He wanted what? "Why?"

"Because," he brushed his thumb on your cheek, "I like you and I want to hear you say it back."

"You like me?" you asked not believing him.

"I do."

"Why?" some self-hating tears burned your eyes. There's no way you were this lucky. There's no way he's serious. Someone like him won't just start liking someone like you.

"Because I felt like it. Will you let me?" he asked and quickly glanced down at your lips. His question was about more than him liking you.

You closed your eyes and let the fate play out this scenario however it wanted. It was its fault he came into your life in the first place.

Suguru smiled and pulled your head towards him. His lips were soft. At first it was just a snall peck, filling your chest with warmth much sweeter than the tea he made you. When he pulled back you kissed him again. He locked your lips together, enjoying the way you moved against him. His other hand pulled your waist towards him and you sighed into his mouth. No one has ever touched you like this before. You could get used to this.

When sweet kisses weren't enough for him anymore he rolled you on your back while stradling you and deepened the kiss. You were surprised, sure, but certainly not dissapointed. You pulled on his lose hair, making him moan into you. This amount of power over a man wasn't so bad. Your hands snaked around his neck while his lowered to your thighs propping them up to lock around his waist. Something hard poked into your center.

Your eyes shot open and you gently pushed on his shoulders to give you some time to breathe.

"Do you want to stop?" he asked. From this short of a distance you could finally see his pupils agajnst his dark eyes. They were blown wide with desire.

You gulped and shook your head. "I'm scared."

He smiled gently and stroked your cheek. "Shh, it's okay. I'll be gentle."

His other hand played with the hem of your shirt, silently asked for permission. Which you gave.

He pulled your shirt of exposing your bare chest to him. You don't even know what you thought that morning not putting on a bra. But right now you were kinda glad you didn't. Less time wasting.

He immediatelly started kissing a path from your neck down to your chest. Sucking a hickey on your sternutm while both of his hands squeezed and massaged your breasts, thumbs flicking across your nipples. You whined at the foreign feeling. The hardness between your legs got even more prominent. Your legs locked around his torso and lifted your upper half to be close to him again. While your ass was off the bed he tried to pull down your warm trousers. Eventually they joined your shirt on the floor.

"Not fair," you whined and pulled on his sweater.

"Lemme fix it," he mumbled into your skin and sat up to pull his clothes away.

Of course he had a six pack. Of course he did. He leaned down and continued kissing your chest. You saw his back muscles. You swore he had muscle groups you thought were a myth.

Once his mouth got to your panties you came to a horrifying realization: you didn't shave.

"Sugu, stop," you tapped on his back making him look up at you.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry, I-I didn't," you looked away in embarassment.

"You didn't what, sweet?" he caressed the inside of your thigh and you shivered.

"It's a mess down there," you finally admitted hiding your face in your hands.

He tsked and pulled your hands from your face giving you a soft kiss. "No good man is affraid of a little forrest," he winked at you and dove right back where he stopped.

"Oh my- Sugu~"

He made out with your lower lips just as passionately as he did with your upper ones. Not used to the new sensation your legs tried to close but he held them wide open, even folded them up against your chest giving him better access. You moaned and whined, everytime you did he tried something new. New speed, new preassure. He spelled his own name on your clit with his tongue before sucking it, making sure to make you feel as good as possible.

Suddenly something poked your entrance. You shot your eyes opened panicked but quickly shut them closed when his long finger stroke your insides. No one has ever touched you in there. Not even yourself. Once he made a 'come closer' motion you were done for.

With a final kiss he pulled out his glitening forefinger. "Well, that was fast," he commented.

"Shut up," you hid your face once again.

He chuckled and moved up again, your legs found their home around his waist. He kissed your hands hiding your face. "It's cute kitten, don't hide away from me," he tapped your wrist. You pulled your hand away revealing your flushed face. "There you are," he smiled and kissed you. He licked inside your mouth and you tasted something more than just his saliva.

While he made out he pulled down his sweatpants and the hardness you felt before sprang free now. Too embarassed you didn't even attempt to glance down. Feeling how big he was down there was way more than seeing it.

"No way that will fit inside," you sighed into his mouth.

"We'll make it," he kissed you before straigthening up and leaning to the side of the bed.

"What are you-?"

"You wouldn't want to study embryology in practice now, would you?" he winked and opened his bedside table.

Embarassed you looked away from him and studied the arm that was still resting beside your head. His bicep must be bigger than your face. And the veins on his fore arms! A wet dream of every nurse for sure.

You mentally slap yourself. Why must you always think like a scientist?!

While you were scolding yourself he quickly slipped on a condom and his tip was now poking at your entrance.

"This will probably hurt," he whispered into your ear.

You found his hand and held it tightly, his fingers interlocking yours. "I trust you."

Slowly, inch by inch he moved inside. If his finger was way too long you weren't even ready for his nether region. He stretched you out in all directions, but mostly forward as he disappeared inside you more and more. You whined here and there but he kissed your cheek and told you how well you're doing and how it will feel good afterwards. His thumb kept rubbing the back of your hand as he moved his hips thrusting up into you.

Then, you didn't even know how but he was all inside. Once he was he groaned. "Fuck," he breathed out and his head fell into the crook of your neck and kissed you there. "You're so soft."

He breathed against your neck and you felt shivers run down your spine. He pulsed inside you and by the way he was breathing you knew he was trying to control himself to not hurt you. Oh how you loved this man.

Your other hand, the one not holding onto his, got lost in his hair. "Y-you can move."

You felt him grin against your skin. He pulled out, making you feel awfully empty, but quickly filling you up again making you gasp. "Oh~"

His arm moved from beside your head to hold your ass in place as he thrusted inside. Slow and steady. His tip always caressed that one spot his finger previously discovered. Every time you moaned he kissed yet another hickie into your neck and you feared you won't be able to last long.

A new feeling grew inside you. Much more powerful than the one before. "S-Sugu~" you breathed out, not being able to finish your sentence.

"Yes kitten?" He lifted his head. God he looked amazing. With his black hair framing his face and little beads of sweat forming on his forhead, like a crown of dewdrops.

"I-I-" he hit that spot again and you moaned seeing stars.

"Oh, you like it here," he angled his hips and poked that spongy spot again.

"N-n-n-" in this new position his pelvis rubbed just perfectly against your clit and it was damn near impossible for yout to even think.

"You're close?"

You nodded.

"Right behind you," he moaned and kept hitting that one wonderful spot unditl both of you fell apart. You first, him following closely after, filling the condom to the point of it leaking around his base. His head fell back into the crook of your neck, leaving soft kisses and catching his breath. Your own chest went up and down, touching his toned one with every breath. He stayed inside, staying nice and warm. You came to love being stretched like this. Unfortunately, both of your bodies would soon grow cold and would have to separate. He pulled out making you hiss.

"Sorry," he chuckled.

"Nah," you caressed the side of his face, "I loved it."

He smiled and kissed your palm. "Sleepy?"

You nodded and as if on cue yawned. Damn he was only with you once and he already knew your body better than you.

He got rid of his condom and threw covers over both of you, pulling your bodies together in the process. This was great. Exactly as you imagined. You and him together after a good and thorough study session, nice and warm while winter went crazy outside.

How could one stay awake?

*

Suguru stroked your naked back. Up and down, then back to your head again, scratching you like a cat. He woke up in the middle of the night and had been caressing you ever since. Usually he would curse this sudden wave of insomnia but now he was greatful. Who knows when will the two of you be like this? With how seriously you take school and his own hectic schedual mixed in? Better to enjoy this while he can.

Sun began to rise when he heard noises outside his bedroom. Satoru must be back.

Sure enough the white haired man stumbled through the threshold, his shades aslant and shakimg from the outside cold.

He made his way into kitchen but stopped once he got a peek into his bestfriend's bedroom. Thankfully you were laying chest to chest on him and most of you was covered by his blanket anyways but still Suguru tried to cover you from unwanted eyes.

Satoru grinned. "Just study?"

Suguru threw a pillow at him.

[stylesispunk]

'I love you, it's ruining my life' | Part iv.

Joel Miller x f!reader

previous chapter

Summary: You and Joel have your happy ending. w.c: 6,7k>

warnings: smut (sorry I'm not the best at writing smut), fluff, angst. time jump. Perhaps grammar mistakes because I didn't check grammar. Not the best piece of writing but now my mind is wandering on another story.

a/n: Part 4 and last one is here! Thank you so much for all the love you gave to this one, I'm really happy you loved it despite the messy writing. I may write for these two to clarify some things, or some details of their lives after this ending. If you have a suggestion, question, or want to talk to me, you can come to my dms or ask! Happy reading 💌 dividers by @/saradika-graphics

"I promise, I'll do everything I can to make this right," he said softly, his thumbs gently caressing your cheek.

You nodded, a tear escaping down your cheek as you smiled up at him. "I believe you, Joel. And I want to try too. I want us to be together.

He pulled you into another embrace, his arms wrapping around you securely. "We will," he whispered into your hair. "We'll take it one day at a time, but we'll do it together."

For a while, you simply held each other, finding solace in the closeness. Eventually, you led Joel to the couch, where you both sat down, still reluctant to let go.

"I've missed you so much," you admitted, leaning to kiss his cheek. "Every day felt incomplete without you."

"I missed you too," he replied, his voice tender. "Every day I thought about you, regretting the decisions I made that pushed you away." Joel smiled—a genuine, heartfelt smile that made your heart swell. "Agreed," he said. "We'll make it right this time." He said, capturing your lips with a feverish kiss.

As Joel's lips met yours in a feverish kiss, a rush of emotions swept over you. It was a kiss filled with longing, passion, and the promise of a new beginning. In that moment, all the pain and heartache of the past seemed to fade away, replaced by the warmth and intensity of Joel's love.

You melted into the kiss, savoring the feeling of his lips against yours and the taste of his love filling your senses. It was a kiss that spoke volumes, conveying a silent vow to make things right and to never let go of each other again.

As you pulled away, breathless and flushed with emotion, you looked into Joel's eyes and saw a reflection of your own feelings mirrored back at you. He clutched your hips and pushed you against the door, shutting your mouth with his own for a hungrier kiss as if he wanted to devour you right here. Your fingers tangled into his dark locks, and he seemed to enjoy it because he released a heavy groan into your mouth, and you drank all those heavenly sounds with pleasure.

“I’m just gonna eat you,” he said, laughing, biting your bottom lip as you laughed lowly.

“That’s what I’m waiting for” you replied.

Both of you were out of breath as he cupped your face and brushed his thumbs against your cheeks like he was the most delicate thing he’d ever held.

Everything happened so quickly that neither of you realized how you'd gotten rid of your clothes, but you missed each other too much to even consider how this might have happened. He held you up against the wall, both of your legs wrapped around his waist so he could thrust fast into you while biting onto your collarbone. you were now moaning. Your head tossed back, and your nails left clear lines of red on his bare back, but this only fueled him, allowing him to pound his hips with greater urgency.

His hands were strong, but his touch was gentle. It was all over you including her face, chest, heart, and mind fantasies.

He was everywhere. You were battling to breathe while simultaneously feeling extremely lively. His fingertips touched your hot flesh, grazing with flames. Even as you burned, you clung to him like he was your lifeline.

He grasped your waist and continued to rock into you. The sound of your name slipped through his lips, mingled in with the groans and nasty words that made your cheeks flush and your eyes roll in delight. But in between the passion and filth, he expressed how much he loved and missed you.

You tried not to pay attention to those words as you tossed your head back, gasping for air, feeling your climax grow so close that your body began shaking against his. Your thoughts quickly went blank, and your toes curled as you shouted out his name, feeling his release not long after you ended. His thrust became sluggish and slow. It wasn't until he stopped that you fell back into reality.

He kissed the corner of your lips tenderly once you both had regained your breathing pace. He opened his eyes to yours. The gentleness of those brown eyes left a lump in your throat as he walked you over to your bedroom to lay you down on your bed.

“I love you so fucking much.”

Those words came again. He sounded out of breath when he spoke, and the raspiness of his voice sent a shiver down your spine.

“I love you,” he mumbled again, this time crashing his lips with yours for what felt like a thousandth time. You then lifted your leg to his hips as you reached down to take him in your palm, and that sudden movement made his breath hitch.

He closed his eyes and buried his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, as if it could serve as a reminder that you were now each other's half.

He began caressing your breasts while inhaling fiercely into your exposed shoulder, dragging his hands down your hips to your stomach. You scorched your back, moaning his name, and he felt like he was going insane at the sight of you under his gaze, like this. His body between your legs offered him easier access to the image he wanted to keep in his thoughts every day.

Your breath caught in your throat as you felt his finger go down your body to the spot you wanted him the most. You were soaked, and he lost control of the sensation of you gripping around his digits. He attached your lips, groaning into the kiss, and began pumping his fingers, gradually increasing the pace as well. You had your hand behind his neck, panting for air but maintaining eye contact, watching him go insane at the sight of you.

"Joel, I…"

"I know baby… I know…" He breathed into your mouth and pulled out his fingers, causing you to gasp at the loss of his touch. In a short second, he managed to go down and kiss every single inch of kissing every inch of your body, till he reached your tights and placed his tongue on your core. You moaned loudly, arching your back and slowly moving your hips into Joel's tongue.

The bedroom swiftly became crowded with your moans and Joel's tongue lapping at your drenched pussy. He groaned beneath you.

Your fingers grasped his hair locks

"Good girl," he replied.

"Fuck! I'm.." You stuttered. He accelerated his rhythm and sucked as if it were his favorite thing in the world.

Soon after, you came. He licked you clean before slowly licking his way back up your body. Until your lips met in a wet kiss.

"You're my favorite person," he replied, a satisfied smile falling off his lips. He lay next to you in bed, and you both glanced at each other.

"Let's do it again sometime?" You made a joke.

"Why not now?" He asked.

You let him kiss you again, and your hands traveled to his neck once again.

Waking up next to Joel felt strange, not for the wrong reasons or the rust that had grown between you after a year of no communication, but because this time you allowed yourself to be his. The vulnerability was both exhilarating and terrifying.

The smell of his cologne lingered on your pillow, a comforting reminder of his presence. You reached out to touch the space where he had been, but the warmth was fading. Fear crept within your body, a gnawing anxiety that whispered, "What if he regretted and left?"

Your heart pounded as you sat up, scanning the room for any sign of him. Panic began to settle in until you heard the faint clinking of dishes from the kitchen. You slid out of bed, the cool floor beneath your feet grounding you as you made your way towards the sound.

In the kitchen, Joel stood by the stove, his back to you, humming softly as he cooked breakfast. Relief washed over you, bringing tears to your eyes. He hadn’t left.

There he was, only in a pair of jeans, in the middle of your kitchen, preparing breakfast for the both of you.

He turned, a smile breaking across his face, when he saw you. "Morning, baby," he said, his voice warm and inviting. "I thought I’d make us some breakfast."

You walked up to him, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind and resting your cheek against his back. "I was scared you’d gone," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Joel turned in your arms, pulling you into a tight embrace. "I’m not going anywhere," he said firmly, tilting your chin up to look into your eyes. "I’m here”

Do you think I am a bad person?" You asked, your voice muffled as you hid your face against his neck.

Joel's body stiffened, and he gently pulled back to scan your face, his expression a mix of confusion and concern. "Wha—oh my god, what are you talking about?" he asked, his eyes searching yours for understanding.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady the emotions swirling inside you. "I mean, we both did things. Tess, my boyfriend...”

Joel shook his head, his grip on you tightening. "You did nothing wrong," he interrupted firmly, his voice leaving no room for doubt. "We were both trying to navigate a difficult situation, and we made mistakes, but that doesn't make you a bad person."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him, his unwavering support and love bringing a sense of relief you hadn't felt in a long time. "I just... I feel so guilty," you admitted, your voice cracking. "For hurting others, for leaving you without a proper goodbye.” You paused for a moment. “I wasted a whole year, Joel.”

Joel’s gaze softened even more, and he pulled you into a tighter embrace. “You didn’t waste anything,” he said, his voice filled with conviction. “We both needed that time to understand what we truly wanted and to realize how much we meant to each other. That year apart was hard, but it brought us here to this moment.”

You sniffled, burying your face in his shoulder. “But it hurts knowing I left like that. I should have stayed and fought for us.”

He gently lifted your chin, forcing you to look into his eyes. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it. We both made mistakes. But what matters now is that we’re here, together, and we have the chance to make things right. We can’t change the past, but we can shape our future.”

You nodded, the tears slowing as you felt a sense of peace wash over you. “I want that, Joel. I want to build a future with you.”

Joel smiled, his eyes shining with a mixture of relief and love. “Me too,” he said softly. “And we’ll do it, one step at a time, together.”

You leaned in, capturing his lips in a tender kiss, sealing the promise of a new beginning. As you pulled back, you rested your forehead against his, feeling the steady rhythm of his breath match your own.

“Thank you,” you whispered, the weight of your guilt and fear beginning to lift. “For loving me,” you said, your voice steady and free from the guilt and fear that had once plagued you.

Joel's eyes softened, and his expression filled with warmth and understanding. “Always,” he replied, his voice a gentle promise. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

You both stayed silent for a while, savoring the closeness and the unspoken bond that had grown even stronger through your trials. The sun began to rise, casting a soft, golden glow into the room, and with it, a new day began—a day filled with hope and the promise of a love that could weather any storm.

As you nestled closer to Joel, you felt his arms tighten around you protectively. “Can you go back to bed, please?” he murmured, his breath warm against your skin.

You chuckled. “Why?”

“I actually planned to bring you breakfast in bed, and you kind of ruined my surprise,” he said humorously, a playful glint in his eyes.

A warm, genuine laugh bubbled up from within you. “Oh, did I now? I guess I can pretend to be asleep,” you teased, your smile widening.

Joel grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “That’s the spirit. Now, back under the covers, and no peeking.”

You playfully rolled your eyes but complied, snuggling back into the warm bed. “I’m not peeking, promise,” you called out, feigning a yawn for good measure.

Joel kissed your forehead before slipping out of the room. You lay there, a smile lingering on your lips, feeling a sense of joy and contentment you hadn’t felt in a long time.

A short while later, you heard the sounds of clinking dishes, the faint aroma of coffee, and something delicious wafting from the kitchen. You closed your eyes, savoring the moment, knowing that this was just the beginning of a new chapter for both of you.

Finally, you felt the bed dip slightly as Joel returned, a tray in his hands. “Breakfast is served,” he announced softly.

You opened your eyes to see him setting a tray laden with pancakes, fresh fruit, and coffee on the bed. Your heart swelled with affection as you took in the sight.

“This looks amazing, Joel,” you said, reaching for his hand.

He sat down beside you, a contented smile on his face. “This is only the first breakfast of the million I’ll give to you.”

Three years later, Joel and you were happily married, living a life filled with love, laughter, and countless shared memories. On the morning of Joel's 35th birthday, he woke up around 5 a.m., immediately noticing your absence. The usual warmth of your presence beside him was missing, and concern tugged at his heart.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes, and listened. The faint sound of retching came from the bathroom. Alarmed, he quickly got out of bed and headed towards the sound. He found you kneeling in front of the toilet, your face pale and sweaty.

"Hey, what's going on?" Joel asked, his voice filled with concern as he kneeled beside you.

You looked up at him with a weak smile, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. "Happy birthday," you said softly, trying to inject some cheer into your voice despite feeling miserable.

Joel frowned, his worry deepening.

Joel’s concern didn't waver. “Then can you go back to bed and rest?” he pleaded.

You shook your head. “No, I should start getting ready for work.”

Joel's brow furrowed with worry and frustration. “Can you find a substitute?”

“Sure, at 5 a.m.,” you replied with a weak chuckle.

Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Please, just try to rest a little longer. We can figure out work later.”

You nodded, feeling the exhaustion creep over you. “Okay, I’ll lay down for a bit.”

Joel helped you to your feet and guided you back to the bed, tucking you in gently. He kissed your forehead, his worry evident but tempered by the love in his eyes. “I’ll make you some tea,” he said softly.

As you lay back down, you watched Joel move around the room, his concern for you touching your heart. Despite feeling miserable, you couldn’t help but feel grateful for his unwavering support. “Thank you,” you whispered.

Joel turned to you, his eyes softening. “Anything for you,” he replied.

Later that morning, you both woke up to the sound of Sarah yelling from downstairs. “Dad! Breakfast is ready! Come on, it's your birthday!” Her voice carried a mix of excitement and impatience.

Joel stirred beside you, groaning slightly as he rubbed his eyes. “Guess we better get up,” he said, his voice still heavy with sleep.

You bolted upright, suddenly alarmed. “Oh my God, I’m late for work!” You scrambled out of bed, panic setting in as you realized how much time had passed.

Joel reached out, grabbing your arm gently. “Hey, take it easy. You’re not feeling well, remember? Just call in sick today.”

You hesitated, your mind racing with the thought of your responsibilities. But Joel's steady gaze and calming presence made you pause. “I wish I could, but I can’t; I don’t have a substitute.”

Joel sighed, understanding the weight of your responsibilities but still worried about your health. "I know it's tough, but your health is more important right now. You can't take care of others if you're not taking care of yourself."

You bit your lip, torn between your sense of duty and Joel's concern. Finally, you nodded reluctantly. "Okay, I'll call in and explain. Maybe they can find someone to cover for me."

Joel smiled, relieved. "Good. Let's go downstairs and have breakfast with Sarah first, then you can make that call."

You both got out of bed and made your way downstairs, where Sarah was already seated at the table, beaming with pride over the breakfast she had prepared.

"Happy birthday, Dad!" Sarah exclaimed, bouncing in her seat. "I made your favorite!"

The smell of pancakes and bacon filled the air, making you twist and feel nauseous. Before you even realized it, you ran towards the bathroom.

Joel's eyes widened in concern as he watched you bolt towards the bathroom. He quickly turned to Sarah, giving her a reassuring smile. "Hey, sweetie, can you wait here for a minute? I'll be right back."

Sarah nodded, her excitement dampened by worry. "Is she okay? But she loves the pancakes I make."

"She does," Joel said, trying to sound confident. "Just stay here and enjoy breakfast for now, okay?"

He hurried to the bathroom, finding you hunched over the toilet, retching. He kneeled beside you, rubbing your back soothingly. "Hey, it's okay. Just breathe."

You gasped, trying to catch your breath between bouts of nausea. "I'm sorry, Joel. I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning.”

Joel shook his head, his voice gentle but firm. "Nothing is wrong. Just rest, okay?"

After a few minutes, the nausea subsided, and you leaned back against the cool bathroom tiles, exhausted. Joel handed you a glass of water, and you took a few sips gratefully.

"I really think I wasn’t able to go to school” you admitted, your voice shaky. "But I feel so guilty."

Joel brushed a strand of hair from your face. "Don't. You need to rest and take care of yourself. I'll explain things to Sarah.”

You nodded, feeling the weight of exhaustion pressing down on you. "Okay.”

Joel helped you to your feet, and you slowly made your way back to the bedroom, where you sat on the edge of the bed while Joel returned to the kitchen to talk to Sarah.

"Hey, kiddo," he said, sitting down beside her. "Mom's not feeling well, so she needs to rest today.”

“I could stay to take care of her, you know?”

“Oh no. You’re not missing school lady”

Sarah looked a bit disappointed but nodded in understanding. "Okay, Dad. I just hope she feels better soon."

Joel smiled at her. "She will, thanks to your great breakfast. Now, finish up and get ready for school."

As Sarah ate her breakfast, the front door opened, and Tommy walked in, carrying a bag of groceries. "Morning, everyone!" he called out cheerfully. But his smile faded as he noticed the tension in the room. "What's going on? Is everything okay?"

Joel stood up, walking over to his brother. "Hey, Tommy, missus is not feeling well this morning."

Tommy's concern was immediate. "Is she okay? Do you need me to take Sarah to school?"

Joel shook his head. "As much as I would love to stay, we need to work Tommy “

Tommy set the groceries on the kitchen counter and turned to Sarah, giving her a warm smile. "Alright, kiddo, grab your stuff. We need to go."

Sarah beamed.

Joel watched them for a moment. He then made his way back to the bedroom, where you were lying down, looking pale but resting.

"Hey, Tommy arrived. We’re leaving” Joel said softly, sitting down beside you.

You nodded. "Okay”

Joel took your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Just rest now. Call me if you need anything”

As you closed your eyes, Joel stayed by your side. A short while later, the door creaked open again, and Joel looked up to see Tommy poking his head in. "Hey, everything okay in here?"

Joel nodded. "Yeah, she's resting.”

Tommy stepped into the room; his expression serious but supportive. "Anytime. Does she need anything else? I can stick around, run errands, whatever you need."

Joel shook his head, grateful for his brother's offer. "We're good for now. Just knowing you're around is enough."

Tommy smiled. "Alright. Let’s go”

As Tommy left the room, Joel turned his attention back to you. He brushed a strand of hair from your face, watching as you slowly drifted off to sleep.

Joel lingered by your side for a moment, his hand gently caressing your hair. He pressed a soft kiss on your forehead, whispering, "Bye, love. Get some rest." He stood up, quietly exiting the room to give you the peace and quiet you needed.

In the kitchen, Tommy was waiting, leaning against the counter. "You sure you’re, okay?" he asked, his concern evident in his voice.

Joel nodded, though he still looked worried. "Yeah, just trying to keep everything together. Let’s go.”

In the afternoon, you and Joel found yourselves at the supermarket, browsing the aisles to pick up a few things for his birthday. You had insisted you were feeling better, but Joel remained cautious, frequently reminding you to take things slow.

"How about we get some of that fancy cheese you like?" Joel suggested steering the cart towards the dairy section.

You smiled, appreciating his thoughtfulness. "Sure, that sounds great."

As you turned the corner into the produce aisle, you suddenly came face-to-face with Tess. She looked as surprised to see you as you were to see her.

Tess's eyes widened in surprise as she spotted you and Joel, her gaze flickering between the two of you. She was holding a child in her arms, and for a moment, you felt a pang of insecurity as you noticed how fondly Joel was looking at the little one.

"Hey," Tess said, her voice tinged with awkwardness. "I didn't expect to run into you guys here."

You forced a smile, trying to mask your own discomfort. "Yeah, same here. How have you been?"

"I've been good," Tess replied, her smile genuine as she glanced down at the child in her arms. "This is Max, my son."

You couldn't help but notice how Joel's expression softened as he looked at the child. It made you wonder—had you and Joel ever talked about having children? Or how you ruined his chance of having children with Tess when you decided to confess your feelings those years ago.

Tess continued, oblivious to your inner turmoil. "I have been in a relationship for 2 years now," she added, almost as an afterthought. "Things have been going really well."

You nodded, trying to keep your composure. "That's great to hear."

Joel spoke up, his voice warm, as he addressed Tess. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you."

“I see you are still pretty close friends,” she said. A hint of venom taunted you as she looked at you, then back at Joel.

Joel's expression remained composed as he reached for your hand, responding to Tess's remark. "Actually, we are married.”

Tess's eyes widened in surprise, and you could see a flash of disbelief cross her face before she quickly composed herself. "Oh, I see," she said, her tone masking any hint of her true feelings. "Congratulations."

You felt a surge of relief knowing that Joel had made it clear that you two were more than just friends. But the mention of Tess's son and her long-term relationship stirred up a mix of emotions within you.

Joel glanced at you, silently communicating his support, before turning back to Tess. "It's been good running into you, Tess. Take care."

With that, Joel steered the cart away, leaving Tess behind in the aisle. You followed silently, feeling a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions swirling inside you. It was clear that seeing Tess and her son had brought up some unresolved feelings and questions, ones that you knew you needed to address with Joel.

The children, how could life have been if you hadn’t told Joel you loved him that night?

As you both walked back home in silence, Joel couldn't help but notice the weight of your silence. He glanced at you from time to time, concern etched in his features.

"Hey," he said softly, breaking the silence between you. "Are you okay?"

You looked up, meeting his gaze, and forced a small smile. "Yeah, I'm fine," you replied, though the tension in your voice betrayed your true feelings.

Joel stopped walking, turning to face you fully. "You don't seem fine," he said gently, reaching out to brush a stray strand of hair from your face. "Is something wrong with you? Are you feeling nauseous"

“Are you sure?” he asked, once again.

“Yes.”

The evening was filled with laughter and chatter as friends and family gathered in your cozy living room. It was a celebration for Joel's birthday. The room was adorned with balloons, and the air was filled with the aroma of home-cooked food and the clinking of glasses.

Everyone seemed to be having a wonderful time, catching up with one another, and sharing stories from years past. But amidst the joyous atmosphere, you couldn't shake the feeling of being lost in your own thoughts.

As you moved from group to group, exchanging polite smiles and engaging in light conversation, your mind kept drifting back to the conversation you had with Joel earlier that day. The mention of children had opened a floodgate of emotions, leaving you feeling uncertain and apprehensive about the future.

You tried to push aside your worries and focus on the festivities, but with each passing moment, the weight of your thoughts grew heavier. You felt like an outsider, disconnected from the joy and camaraderie that filled the room.

Amidst the laughter and merriment, you found yourself retreating into the corners of your mind, grappling with the decisions that lay ahead. Would you and Joel be able to find common ground on such a significant issue? And what would your future look like if you couldn't?

As the evening wore on, you excused yourself from the lively gathering, needing a moment alone to collect your thoughts. You slipped away to the quiet solitude of your bedroom, hoping to find clarity amidst the chaos of your mind.

As the night wore on, Joel couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. Despite the lively atmosphere downstairs, a sense of unease gnawed at him, fueled by the memory of your quiet demeanor earlier in the day.

Excusing himself from the gathering, Joel made his way upstairs, a nagging worry tugging at his heart. He checked each room, calling out your name in a hushed tone, but there was no response.

Finally, he reached the bedroom and found the door slightly ajar. Pushing it open gently, he stepped inside, his eyes scanning the room for any sign of you.

There, in the dim light filtering through the curtains, he spotted you sitting on the edge of the bed, your expression pensive and distant. Concern flooded Joel's heart as he approached you quietly, careful not to startle you.

"Hey," he said softly, his voice filled with warmth and concern. "Are you okay?"

You looked up at him, your eyes reflecting the turmoil within. "I'm fine," you replied, but the tightness in your voice betrayed your words.

Joel moved closer, taking a seat beside you and reaching out to gently grasp your hand. "You don't seem fine," he said gently. "Is there something on your mind?"

For a moment, you hesitated, the weight of your thoughts pressing down on you. But then, as you met Joel's gaze, you felt a sense of reassurance wash over you. You knew that no matter what you were facing, you didn't have to face it alone.

"I've just been thinking," you began, your voice wavering slightly. "About us and our future."

“Oh, please don’t tell me you want a divorce on my birthday.” He said this, lifting his hand to his chest.

You chuckled.

You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips as you reached out to cup Joel's cheek. "No, not at all," you reassured him, your voice softening. "I was just... reflecting, you know?"

Joel's expression softened; a hint of relief was evident in his eyes. "Reflecting on what?" he asked, his voice gentle.

"On everything," you replied, your gaze searching his. “I mean, we ran into Tess today, and I couldn’t help but imagine that I stopped you from having a big family.” You paused. “What if I can’t have children, or what if you don’t want to have them with me?”

Joel's expression softened further; his eyes filled with understanding as he listened to your concerns. He reached out, gently caressing your cheek with his thumb. "Hey, listen to me," he said softly. "I understand why you're feeling this way, but I need you to know something."

You looked at him, your heart racing with anticipation of his words.

"I love you and Sarah more than anything in this world," Joel continued, his voice filled with sincerity. "And while I may have imagined a different path for us at one point, what truly matters to me is being with you, no matter what."

Tears welled up in your eyes as his words washed over you, soothing your fears and uncertainties.

"I don't care about having a big family or whether we can have children," Joel said, his gaze never leaving yours. "All I care about is building a life with you.”

You felt a weight lift off your shoulders and a sense of peace settle over you as you realized that Joel's love for you transcended any external expectations or desires.

"I love you, Joel," you whispered, your voice filled with gratitude.

"And I love you, more than you'll ever know," he replied, pulling you into a warm embrace as he cupped your face on his hands. “And if you want a baby, let’s make one right now, and I’ll send all these people away,” he leaned, kissing you softly.

"I love you too," you murmured against his lips, savoring the warmth of his embrace.

The idea of starting a family together filled you with excitement and anticipation. With Joel by your side, you felt ready to embrace whatever the future held, knowing that together you could overcome any challenges and celebrate life's greatest joys.

With a playful grin, you leaned in to meet Joel's kiss, feeling a surge of happiness coursing through you, but the smell of alcohol on his lips made you stand up and run to the bathroom, once again to throw up.

Joel's concern was evident as he followed you to the bathroom, his brow furrowed with worry. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice laced with concern as he kneeled beside you.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself as the nausea subsided. "I don't know," you admitted, feeling a sense of unease settle over you. "I've been feeling off lately, and this just... I don't know what's wrong."

Joel reached out, gently rubbing your back in a soothing gesture. "Maybe you're coming down with something," he suggested, though his tone betrayed his uncertainty.

You nodded, trying to push aside the nagging suspicion that had been growing in the back of your mind. "Maybe," you agreed softly, though deep down, you couldn't shake the feeling that something more significant was going on.

As Joel looked at you, concern etched into his features, he couldn't help but notice a certain glow on your face. It was subtle, but unmistakable—a radiance that seemed to emanate from deep within.

A thought began to form in Joel's mind, one that he couldn't quite shake. What if...?

His heart skipped a beat as he considered the possibility. Could you be pregnant?

The idea sent a surge of excitement coursing through him, mingled with a hint of apprehension. He knew that starting a family was something you both had talked about, but the idea of actually becoming parents was both thrilling and terrifying.

But as he looked at you, his mind flooded with images of a future filled with laughter, love, and the pitter-patter of tiny feet. And suddenly, the uncertainty faded away, replaced by a deep sense of hope and anticipation.

Taking a deep breath, Joel pushed aside his doubts and fears, focusing instead on the overwhelming love he felt for you and the possibility of a new life growing within you. He knew that whatever the future held, as long as you were by his side, he was ready to face it with open arms.

With a tender smile, Joel reached out, gently cupping your face in his hands. "Hey," he said softly, his voice filled with a mixture of excitement and nervousness. "I know this might sound crazy, but... what if you're pregnant?"

Your breath caught in your throat at Joel's words, the possibility hanging in the air between you. For a moment, you were speechless, the weight of the idea sinking in.

"Pregnant?" you echoed, your voice barely above a whisper.

Joel nodded, his eyes searching yours for any sign of confirmation. "Yeah," he said, his voice tinged with hope. "I mean, it's just a thought, but... you've been feeling off lately, and the way you've been glowing... I don't know; it just got me thinking."

You took a moment to process his words; the reality of the situation was slowly sinking in. The idea of being pregnant fills you with a mix of excitement and uncertainty. It was something you had hoped for and dreamed about, but now that it might actually be happening, it felt almost surreal.

“Let’s go to the pharmacy.”

“What?! Now?” you asked, widening your eyes.

“Let’s buy a test; consider it a birthday present,” he said, already walking out of the bedroom, but you grabbed his wrist.

“But what if it comes negative?” You asked; fear was already creeping in.

Joel turned back to you, his expression softening with understanding. "Then we'll try again," he said, his voice gentle. "We'll keep trying until we get the result we want. But right now, let's just take the first step and see what happens."

He grabbed your face delicately. “And if you think I’m scared for what happened before... I know Sandy will protect you from above because you loved Sarah as if you were her mother, and I will not lose you, never.”

His words filled you with a sense of reassurance, and you nodded, feeling a surge of determination washed over you. "Okay," you said, your voice filled with resolve. "Let's do it."

The party was still in full swing when you and Joel returned, the sound of laughter and chatter filling the air. Tommy spotted you both entering and quickly made his way over, a curious expression on his face.

"What's going on with you two?" he asked, his brow furrowing with concern.

You exchanged a quick glance with Joel, the excitement and nerves bubbling up inside you. "We'll tell you later," Joel replied with a grin, his eyes twinkling with anticipation.

Before Tommy could press further, you grabbed Joel's hand and gave him a knowing look. "Let's go," you whispered, your heart pounding with anticipation.

With a shared smile, you and Joel hurried upstairs, the excitement building with each step. As you reached the bedroom, Joel wasted no time in tearing open the packaging of the pregnancy test, his hands trembling slightly with anticipation.

You followed suit, your heart racing as you carefully followed the instructions on the box. With bated breath, you both waited for the results; the tension in the air was almost palpable.

And then, finally, the moment of truth arrived. As you stared down at the test in your hands, your heart skipped a beat. Could it be? Was this really happening?

You exchanged a hopeful glance with Joel, his eyes shining with anticipation. With shaking hands, you picked up the test and examined the result.

“I can’t watch,” you said, pacing back and forth.

As you paced back and forth, the tension in the room palpable, Joel reached out, gently grasping your hand to offer you reassurance. "It's going to be okay," he said softly, his voice filled with confidence. "No matter what the result is, we'll face it together."

You nodded, trying to steady your trembling hands as you continued to stare at the test in your grasp. With a deep breath, you finally mustered the courage to look at the result.

And there it was—the moment you had been waiting for—the positive sign you had hoped for. Tears of joy welled up in your eyes as you looked up at Joel, your heart overflowing with emotion.

Joel's eyes lit up with joy as he pulled you into a tight embrace, his arms wrapping around you protectively. "I can't believe it," he murmured, his voice filled with wonder. "We're going to have a baby. My baby is having a baby”

Feeling overwhelmed with emotion, you melted into Joel's embrace, your heart swelling with love and gratitude. "Our baby," you whispered, your voice choked with tears of happiness. "We're going to be parents."

Joel held you close, his touch gentle yet reassuring. "I couldn't be happier," he said, his voice filled with awe and wonder. "This is the best birthday gift I could ever ask for."

As you and Joel stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, the sound of knocking on the door broke the moment of quiet intimacy. You exchanged a glance with Joel, both of you momentarily lost in your own thoughts, before realizing that Tommy and Sarah must be looking for Joel to sing happy birthday.

Joel gently released you from his embrace, his eyes still filled with wonder and excitement. "I'll go get the door," he said softly, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead before making his way to the door.

You took a deep breath, wiping away the tears that still lingered on your cheeks as you tried to compose yourself. The news of your pregnancy still felt surreal, but the joy and happiness it brought were undeniable.

As Joel opened the door, Tommy's and Sarah's voices filled the room with cheerful birthday wishes. But their smiles faded as they took in the sight of you and Joel standing together with tears in your eyes.

"Hey, what's going on?" Tommy asked, concern etched in his voice as he glanced between you and Joel.

Joel's smile widened, unable to contain his excitement any longer. “We have some news," he said, his voice trembling with emotion. "We're going to have a baby."

As Joel's words hung in the air, the room seemed to hold its breath. You watched as Tommy and Sarah's expressions shifted from confusion to realization, their eyes widening with disbelief and joy.

"We're going to have a baby," Joel repeated, his voice thick with emotion as he reached out to take your hand, squeezing it tightly.

Tears welled up in Sarah's eyes as she let out a gasp of joy, her hand flying to her mouth in shock. "Oh my God," she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. "That's incredible!"

Tommy's eyes sparkled with excitement as he pulled both of you into a tight embrace, and his voice choked with emotion. "Congratulations, you two. This is amazing news."

In that moment, surrounded by the love and support of your family, the reality of the situation hit you like a wave. You were going to be parents—a thought that filled you with a profound sense of gratitude and awe.

Loving Joel didn’t ruin your life.

With tears streaming down your cheeks, you exchanged tearful hugs with Tommy and Sarah, feeling overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. This was the beginning of a new chapter in your lives, and you couldn't wait to embark on this journey together, hand in hand, with the love of your life by your side.

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[nhularin]

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK

PAIRING bf! jay x reader GENRE toxic! relationship, angst no comfort WARNINGS insecurities,there might be some grammar mistakes WC 0.9k series masterlist

December 12, 2001

"so, how was your day?"

you looked at him, your voice soft as you asked. you and your boyfriend sat in his car, the air thick with tension. but jays response was anything but kind. his eyes narrowed as he looked straight ahead of the road, his voice filled with bitterness. "fine" he spit out and silence fell upon you once again

no, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

the tone of his voice made you recoil, your heart sinking. it was a typical thursday night and you haven't seen each other outside of school in what felt like forever. you had only wanted to check up on him, to show him that you cared about his well being. but his words sliced through you like a dagger, leaving you feeling small and insignificant.

"thats great!" you tried to sound cheerful, but your voice betrayed you when those words came out quieter and wobblier than expected. you looked outside of the passenger seat's window, attempting to ignore the unbearable silence in the car. you could hear the joy and euphoria from passing cars and you couldn't help but feel jealousy radiating through you

All I did was speak normally, somehow I still struck a nerve

"why are you always so sensitive?" jay continued, his voice dripping with disdain. "you make everything about yourself. cant you see that I have my own problems to deal with?"

jay could feel your discomfort, he had to. hell, the passing cars could probably feel it "dont be like this" he said, sighing heavily "why do you always ask me that? you saw me at school. did you see me crying? no. so dont ask obvious shit when you already know the answer."

your eyes welled up with tears, voice trembling. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just-" you paused, feeling your throat close up "we haven't hung out in a while and i just wanted to make sure that you were fine"

jay scoffed, his anger intensifying. "you think you can solve all my problems with a simple question? youre so naive. you don't understand anything. fine, coach Madson was a fucking asshole today but i knew you wouldn't understand. isnt a simple 'fine' enough? all you know is how to break out in song and dance with your theater friends"

im the love of your life until I make you mad

your heart shattered as his words echoed in your mind. you had hoped for a moment of connection, a chance to offer support. but instead, you found yourself facing his anger, his frustration, and his complete lack of empathy.

you longed for affection, for those sweet words of love to fall from his lips. but instead, you were met with a wall of unpredictability. one moment, he would hold your hand and make you feel like the most special person in the world. the next, he would push you away, leaving you wondering where you went wrong.

every little thing you did seemed to set him off, like a ticking time bomb ready to explode. his anger was swift and cutting, leaving you feeling small and insignificant. it was a rollercoaster of emotions, and you couldn't help but question if he truly loved you.

jays grip on the wheel tightened even further as you reached a familiar intersection. the red light seemed to mock your mess of a relationship, the halted traffic mirroring your damaged connection.

as the light turned green, he pressed down on the gas pedal, your heart pounding heavily in your chest. the car lurched forward, the engine roaring, but the noise was nothing compared to the deafening silence between you two. the streets blurred as you sped through the night.

in that moment, you realized that jay wasn't capable of providing the love and understanding you have craved. he was a storm of emotions and absolutely unpredictable, lashing out at anyone who dared to get close.

on your late night drives, you would often find yourself bracing for impact. would jay walk you home, or would he send you home crying again? it was a cruel game of chance, and you were trapped in its endless cycle.

"look" he sighed "im sorry for lashing out, im just stressed with-" he paused longer than expected "practice, AP calc, everything, okay? its nothing personal"

his apology didnt change the storm of emotions forming inside you but you tried to tame it as best as possible, trying to look unbothered by his constant outbursts of hatred.

when did it all go wrong? you have known him since forever, his toothy grin and messed up bangs permanently engraved in your head. you managed to form an awkward smile "its okay" its always okay, as long as you were with him

do you love me, want me, hate me?

finally, you arrived at your house, and jay pulled over. the quiet and calm suburb contrasting the chaos in your head. the car idled, the engine still rumbling.

there was a moment of silence, a moment where the weight of your emotions hung in the air. and then, without another word, jay reached over and opened the car door. his gesture made you feel giddy and hope filled your heart. as you stepped out, you gave him your biggest smile

"ill see you tomorrow, text me, okay? i love you"

he didnt say it back nor did he message you that night

no, I don't understand

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