#I do not know what their literal company policies are

[tj-crochets]

Inexplicably just got two letters from Aetna asking for additional information for prescription drug prior authorization in the state of Florida. Couple of things wrong with that: - the prior authorizations have already been approved - I don’t live in the state of Florida and never have - the information it asks for is information I cannot provide, only my doctor can, and she’s named on the paperwork so they definitely know how to send her the letters - I’m not in Florida???? Why Florida?????

[terrorbirb]

I'm bored at work so I'm seeing if I should report my old company for violating labor standards.

[medicinemane]

Not to take an extreme stance, but I will once again point out that often fines for companies are less a punishment and more just the cost of doing business

If a fine isn't higher than the cost of doing things right, then it becomes a fee you pay to get to cut corners

I'm sorry, but I feel like at a certain point the only way to get companies to stop violating the law may be prison time for upper management (no scapegoats allowed). Obviously only for more severe violations, but still... we see that fines don't deter companies from bad behavior... maybe repeat offenders need to face more than monetary consequences

[tealeavesandthorns]

// just a rant in the tags please ignore lol

[photomatt]

Why “Go Nuts, Show Nuts” Doesn’t Work in 2022

For those who don’t know or remember, Tumblr used to have a policy around porn that was literally “Go nuts, show nuts. Whatever.” That was memorable and hilarious, and for many people, Tumblr both hosted and helped with the discovery of a unique type of adult content.

In 2018, when Tumblr was owned by Verizon, they swung in the other direction and instituted an adult content ban that took out not only porn but also a ton of art and artists – including a ban on what must have been fun for a lawyer to write, female presenting nipples. This policy is currently still in place, though the Tumblr and Automattic teams are working to make it more open and common-sense, and the community labels launch is a first step toward that.

That said, no modern internet service in 2022 can have the rules that Tumblr did in 2007. I am personally extremely libertarian in terms of what consenting adults should be able to share, and I agree with “go nuts, show nuts” in principle, but the casually porn-friendly era of the early internet is currently impossible. Here’s why:

Credit card companies are anti-porn. You’ve probably heard how Pornhub can’t accept credit cards anymore. Or seen the new rules from Mastercard. Whatever crypto-utopia might come in the coming decades, today if you are blocked from banks, credit card processing, and financial services, you’re blocked from the modern economy. The vast majority of Automattic’s revenue comes from people buying our services and auto-renewing on credit cards, including the ads-free browsing upgrade that Tumblr recently launched. If we lost the ability to process credit cards, it wouldn’t just threaten Tumblr, but also the 2,000+ people in 97 countries that work at Automattic across all our products.

App stores, particularly Apple’s, are anti-porn. Tumblr started in 2007, the same year the iPhone was released. Originally, the iPhone didn’t have an App Store, and the speed of connectivity and quality of the screen meant that people didn’t use their smartphone very much and mostly interacted with Tumblr on the web, using desktop and laptop computers (really). Today 40% of our signups and 85% of our page views come from people on mobile apps, not on the web. Apple has its own rules for what’s allowed in their App Store, and the interpretation of those rules can vary depending on who is reviewing your app on any given day. Previous decisions on what’s allowed can be reversed any time you submit an app update, which we do several times a month. If Apple permanently banned Tumblr from the App Store, we’d probably have to shut the service down. If you want apps to allow more adult content, please lobby Apple. No one in the App Store has any effective power, even multi-hundred-billion companies like Facebook/Meta can be devastated when Apple changes its policies. Aside: Why do Twitter and Reddit get away with tons of super hardcore content? Ask Apple, because I don’t know. My guess is that Twitter and Reddit are too big for Apple to block so they decided to make an example out of Tumblr, which has “only” 102 million monthly visitors. Maybe Twitter gets blocked by Apple sometimes too but can’t talk about it because they’re a public company and it would scare investors.

There are lots of new rules around verifying consent and age in adult content. The rise of smartphones also means that everyone has a camera that can capture pictures and video at any time. Non-consensual sharing has grown exponentially and has been a huge problem on dedicated porn sites like Pornhub – and governments have rightly been expanding laws and regulations to make sure everyone being shown in online adult content is of legal age and has consented to the material being shared. Tumblr has no way to go back and identify the featured persons or the legality of every piece of adult content that was shared on the platform and taken down in 2018, nor does it have the resources or expertise to do that for new uploads.

Porn requires different service providers up and down the stack. In addition to a company primarily serving adult content not having access to normal financial services and being blocked by app stores, they also need specialized service providers – for example, for their bandwidth and network connections. Most traditional investors won’t fund primarily adult businesses, and may not even be allowed to by their LP agreements. (When Starbucks started selling alcohol at select stores, some investors were forced to sell their stock.)

If you wanted to start an adult social network in 2022, you’d need to be web-only on iOS and side load on Android, take payment in crypto, have a way to convert crypto to fiat for business operations without being blocked, do a ton of work in age and identity verification and compliance so you don’t go to jail, protect all of that identity information so you don’t dox your users, and make a ton of money. I estimate you’d need at least $7 million a year for every 1 million daily active users to support server storage and bandwidth (the GIFs and videos shared on Tumblr use a ton of both) in addition to hosting, moderation, compliance, and developer costs. 

I do hope that a dedicated service or company is started that will replace what people used to get from porn on Tumblr. It may already exist and I don’t know about it. They’ll have an uphill battle under current regimes, and if you think that’s a bad thing please try to change the regimes. Don’t attack companies following legal and business realities as they exist.

[bi-writes]

whats wrong with ai?? genuinely curious <3

okay let's break it down. i'm an engineer, so i'm going to come at you from a perspective that may be different than someone else's.

i don't hate ai in every aspect. in theory, there are a lot of instances where, in fact, ai can help us do things a lot better without. here's a few examples:

ai detecting cancer

ai sorting recycling

some practical housekeeping that gemini (google ai) can do

all of the above examples are ways in which ai works with humans to do things in parallel with us. it's not overstepping--it's sorting, using pixels at a micro-level to detect abnormalities that we as humans can not, fixing a list. these are all really small, helpful ways that ai can work with us.

everything else about ai works against us. in general, ai is a huge consumer of natural resources. every prompt that you put into character.ai, chatgpt? this wastes water + energy. it's not free. a machine somewhere in the world has to swallow your prompt, call on a model to feed data into it and process more data, and then has to generate an answer for you all in a relatively short amount of time.

that is crazy expensive. someone is paying for that, and if it isn't you with your own money, it's the strain on the power grid, the water that cools the computers, the A/C that cools the data centers. and you aren't the only person using ai. chatgpt alone gets millions of users every single day, with probably thousands of prompts per second, so multiply your personal consumption by millions, and you can start to see how the picture is becoming overwhelming.

that is energy consumption alone. we haven't even talked about how problematic ai is ethically. there is currently no regulation in the united states about how ai should be developed, deployed, or used.

what does this mean for you?

it means that anything you post online is subject to data mining by an ai model (because why would they need to ask if there's no laws to stop them? wtf does it matter what it means to you to some idiot software engineer in the back room of an office making 3x your salary?). oh, that little fic you posted to wattpad that got a lot of attention? well now it's being used to teach ai how to write. oh, that sketch you made using adobe that you want to sell? adobe didn't tell you that anything you save to the cloud is now subject to being used for their ai models, so now your art is being replicated to generate ai images in photoshop, without crediting you (they have since said they don't do this...but privacy policies were never made to be human-readable, and i can't imagine they are the only company to sneakily try this). oh, your apartment just installed a new system that will use facial recognition to let their residents inside? oh, they didn't train their model with anyone but white people, so now all the black people living in that apartment building can't get into their homes. oh, you want to apply for a new job? the ai model that scans resumes learned from historical data that more men work that role than women (so the model basically thinks men are better than women), so now your resume is getting thrown out because you're a woman.

ai learns from data. and data is flawed. data is human. and as humans, we are racist, homophobic, misogynistic, transphobic, divided. so the ai models we train will learn from this. ai learns from people's creative works--their personal and artistic property. and now it's scrambling them all up to spit out generated images and written works that no one would ever want to read (because it's no longer a labor of love), and they're using that to make money. they're profiting off of people, and there's no one to stop them. they're also using generated images as marketing tools, to trick idiots on facebook, to make it so hard to be media literate that we have to question every single thing we see because now we don't know what's real and what's not.

the problem with ai is that it's doing more harm than good. and we as a society aren't doing our due diligence to understand the unintended consequences of it all. we aren't angry enough. we're too scared of stifling innovation that we're letting it regulate itself (aka letting companies decide), which has never been a good idea. we see it do one cool thing, and somehow that makes up for all the rest of the bullshit?

[screeching-bunny]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do the yandre!game show host with a himbo/bimbo reader

Yandere! Game Show Host x Bimbo/Himbo Reader Asks 1

Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, Yandere Thoughts, Bad Writing, Stalking, Possessive Behavior, Reader is Referred as ‘You’

Yandere! Game Show Host would absolutely adore you. He absolutely enjoys how there's absolutely not a single thought behind your eyes. He could literally be nonchalantly pulling up your clothes and you would be too dumb or preoccupied to notice him doing it. Would definitely make you wear provocative clothes all under the pretense of how it would be good for the viewer ratings and that this is just the policy of the company. Now get your ass in those tight little outfits before he explodes due to anticipation.

Yandere! Game Show Host likes how you are basically almost always dolled and glammed up no matter the time of day. He’d definitely feed into your shopaholic habits if you had any and would only allow you to get the skimpiest of clothes. There is probably a one hundred percent chance of you getting every single question wrong on the quizzes so he has to alter your answers for you.

Yandere! Game Show Host: “Okay now sweetie, what does blue and red make?”

You: “Uhhhhhh orange?”

Yandere! Game Show Host: “..... what's that you say? Purple? Why, that’s correct!!!”

You: “No I said–”

Yandere! Game Show Host: “Yep and I heard you say purple!!!!”

Other Contestants: Side-eying him

Viewers: *Too stunned to speak*

Yandere! Game Show Host is shoving his tongue down your throat the fastest chance he gets. Out of all of the yanderes he is definitely the most horniest. If you ever tell him that you want to pay him back for all he’s done for you, he’s immediately whipping his cock out, no questions asked. Just put those glossy lips right on there and all of your debt is immediately forgiven. He definitely makes sure to emphasize how sexually frustrated he is and how he would just loveeee it if someone were to give him the best sloppy toppy ever. Tries to convince you that if you don’t do it he might actually die.

Yandere! Game Show Host enjoys how easily distracted you get and how you have a hard time focusing on multiple things at once. If you ever tried to escape from him all he has to do is talk about how female hyenas have penises and you’d immediately forget what you were about to do. If he ever needed to fall asleep all he'd have to do is talk about the fall of Rome and you’d be out like a light.

Yandere! Game Show Host takes advantage of how you never fully process the dangerous situations you put yourself in. For example when it comes to the sleeping arrangement, contestants are put strictly in one room to be monitored 24/7 but you’d probably complain how you don’t want to sleep in a room with so many people in it. Yandere! Game Show Host would happily decide to offer for you to sleep with him in his bed which you would readily agree to. Next thing you know you’re stuck in bed with a creep who’s busy fondling you to sleep properly. He’d probably try to make this a regular thing and just force you to stay there every night from then on there.

—

You: “It was so nice of you to let me sleep in your bed that was so nice of you. It’s really weird though, you have such a big house but only one bedroom with one bed. You should probably start decorating your house better.”

Yandere! Game Show Host: “Yeah silly me I should really do better.”

You: “Wait a sec–” Notices how there's a piece of underwear that you lost a week ago peeking out of his drawer. “OH MY GOSH YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!! YOU NOTICED HOW MY UNDERWEAR HAS GONE MISSING SO YOU GOT ME NEW PAIRS!!! HOW THOUGHTFUL OF YOU!!!”

Yandere! Game Show Host: sweating nervously. “... Yeah I noticed that too. You might not want to touch those though. They’re a little dirty because I haven’t washed them yet and accidentally spilled something on them yesterday–”

[qqueenofhades]

I really really REALLY need to see more people makimg the connection between trump and his russian handlers tbh.......like i know we've somehow gone through the looking glass of putin apologia but that piece abt the NYT you just posted, the bots, the interference: in the bag for trump? Yes. But i dont believe its due to his or even republican power or popularity or forcefulness.......this is a man with so much debt and kompromat thats only getting worse!! Not to sound kwazy BUT WE ARE BEING FULLY INFLITRATED and at the risk of conspiracizing i think the russians are ALSO behind the Times's demise along with so many other information centers etc. Like i KNOW these leftists love him but like. Wouldnt they care a LITTLE abt being manipulated like this???

Trump is 100% an active, willing, and eager Russian agent. That's not even paranoid conspiracy theory, that's just the only reasonable interpretation of the facts:

NOT TO MENTION that in the next two years after the Helsinki conference where Trump kowtowed to Putin in every way, the CIA admitted to losing huge and unusually high numbers of classified informants around the world (not CIA agents, but people secretly working for the American government in often-hostile countries):

Once again, this all happened when Trump was in office, when he was actively handing over CIA intel to the Kremlin against the wishes of the entire national security establishment, and which other experts have suggested was directly as a result of Trump handing over the identities of American informants to Russia, including those stationed in Russia itself:

Now, I could go on, but you get the point. Not to mention that Trump just lost a major UK-based lawsuit against Christopher Steele, the former MI6 agent who was the first to provide documents linking Trump to Russia in the controversial "Steele dossier":

And now: Trump is deeply in hock for hundreds of millions in legal fees and punitive judgments that are only increasing by the day, he somehow just came up with $90 million to appeal the judgment against E. Jean Carroll (nobody knows where he got this money either), and Russian state TV spends all their time openly salivating for Trump's return to the presidency (so he can hand over Ukraine and the rest of NATO and, as he literally said, "let Russia do whatever the hell they want.") I know we're largely numb to all the awful treasonous shit that Trump does, but like. This isn't a conspiracy theory, this is just what's going on in plain sight, and while the Online Leftists have recently become so stupid that I honestly can't tell if it's just terminal brainworms or active Russian psyops, it's strongly indicated that it is in fact a mix of both:

So, like. Just some food for thought.

[rms-mathematic]

Y’all fuckers don’t even realize how fucking rich this man is. He is so rich. He is literally the Richest Person. Elon Musk cries himself to sleep at night because he knows he'll never be as rich as this motherfucker.

Imagine our billionaires didn't have to deal with labor laws or regulations to limit their income. OSHA does not exist in Hell and most of his employees are functionally immortal. What is workplace safety? It sounds expensive. He probably owns company towns, like Henry Ford tried to do back in the day, but it's actually effective because he. owns everyone in them as well. He sells consumer technology, television shows, streaming services, weird popsicles shaped like his and his besties’ heads, social media, and probably a bunch more shit we don't even know about. I guarantee his return policies are beyond shit and he offers literally no warranty on any of his products, and gets away with it because he has literally no competition. Don’t want his shit? Too bad, because he can literally hypnotize you into buying it. Oh, he also collects your data and probably pushes out ads so targeted they know what you had for lunch today. Don’t worry, he won’t do anything bad with your data, Trust Him! Look at those big eyes, he’s never done anything wrong in his life ever. I think we should all give him our money.

Meanwhile, Alastor's broke ass doesn't even own his own soul 💀

(obviously Mammon is richer, but he's the literal personification of greed and he's had a 10,000-year head start, so Vox is still doing pretty damn well, all things considered)

[acowboynamedasa]

Ok I know I already made a post about watchertv and how it’s a horrible idea and no have not had a change of heart about that- but I really just want to get into the math of everything because like, they we’re making a LOT of money.

(Full disclosure this post has been edited to be more accurate with help from commenters)

Patreon: they have 12,000 supporters, but only 5,900 paying supporters (at the time of me checking today. Many definitely unsubscribed when this video dropped). The tear options are 5, 10, 25, and 100 dollars. Assuming that most people are in the 5-10 range, I’ll average it at about 7 dollars. Witch is 41,300 a month.

Merch sales: they have a very devout fan base that buys a lot of merch, they sell a plastic paper weight for 36 dollars. All of their hoodies are 80 dollars. Their shirts are 35-50 dollars. They sell a pack of 7 patches of their different show logos for 65 dollars. The posters are 80 dollars. To my knowledge They do not publicly share what they make from merch sales, but I know that they have sold out of certain styles, witch means that people are buying these. The merch is without a doubt at a very steep profit margin- no where in the world will it cost 80 or even 40 dollars to make these- so we can just assume that whatever assured total we come too, it will be higher by 10-20 thousand(just an estimate, I’m not an expert on YouTube merch).

Sponsorships: (this info is from moist critical who runs a company who specialize in setting up brand sponsorships with YouTube channels.) watcher is/was a very big and successful channel, with 2 minute sponsorships adds on every video I could find- they are with out a doubt making 20-30 thousand dollars from every one of those sponsorships. They post weekly, meaning they make about 100,000 a month from that. This doesn’t include any money they received from discount codes either, only about 2% of viewers use discount codes so it’s fair to say they receive a few thousand dollars from that, we can just total it to about 101,000 to be conservative.

views: YouTube has always been very hush hush about what they pay. Different YouTubers have stepped forward and said what they make on views alone but watcher is not one of these channels. With watchers average views being about 800,000 per video (very ‘about’, some get 3 million and others only reach 500,000) and YouTubes policy being about .018 cents per view we can say they comfortably make 14,400 per video, 57,000 a month.

Add cents: add cents and views are a different thing, for every add that is seen in a video you get a adicional .018 cents, watchers content is very monetizable, and with it being long form content 30-45 minutes, they have a lot of adds. Let’s just assume 1-2 mid roll ads on every video and that’s an additional 20,000 per video, 80,000 a month.

Adding ALL of that together

Watcher makes 279,300 dollars a month. Flat out, no merch added.

If you think you can’t afford to pay 25 people a month with 279,300 dollars- I literally don’t know what to tell you.

[highvern]

Does Your Mother Know?

Pairing: Jung Wooyoung x fem!reader

Genre: smut, porn without plot

Warnings: Age gap (reader is like 35ish and Wooyoung is 24), divorced!reader, cabana boy!Wooyoung, an insane amount of sexual tension, egregious use of the word “ma’am”. breast play, exhibitionism, teasing, hand job, dry humping, oral (f receiving), panties used in unintended ways, cum eating, praise and degradation (m and f receiving), unprotected sex, unspoken cougar kink from Wooyoung, multiple orgasms, sub/brat Wooyoung, dom reader

Length: ~6k

Note: NOT PROOF READ!!! literally based on "Does Your Mother Know" by ABBA (the Mamma Mia version SPECIFICALLY.). @mingyuonthemoon please tell me you understand the vision lololol

This blog is intended for 18+ only! MDNI or you'll be blocked!

read more here

“Ahhhhh! Look at you!”

“Look at you!” You respond, pulling Mina in for a tight hug.

It’d been years since you’d had the pleasure of her company. Finally free from the grump who was your ex-husband, you’re ready to spend a summer tanning on the beach and drinking away the nights. No one but you and your best friend.

Mina interlockes her arm with yours, tugging you along for an impromptu tour. Immediately a short man with shaggy hair steps in your path, positively beaming with a shit eating grin.

“Y/N, this is Wooyoung. He’s in charge of taking care of you. Your personal attendant for the summer.”

Oh.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am.” Wooyoung smiles, hand reaching out for a gentle shake. “If you need anything, I’m your man.”

Something in his tone heats your belly. A tease in his words, the dangerous glint in his eye as he stares you down. He’s gone as soon as Mina dismisses him with orders to handle your suitcase, flashing a brazen smirk and wink that could only mean one thing.

“You’re drooling.”

Batting at your cheek, you glare at her when she laughs.

“Listen, I get it!” She defends, continuing to tug you towards the center of the plaza. “He’s a cutie and he knows it. But Wooyoung is the best here and I thought you deserved something nice to look at while relaxing.”

“I’ll be sure to send you a thank you card.”

“Ahh, but this is my thank you for getting the old grump to invest before getting divorced.”

“At least he’s useful to one of us.”

“Speaking of usefulness. How long has it been since you’ve had something other than the gross four minute hump and dump from Seungcheol?”

“None of your business!” You roll your eyes. “Just show me all the things you bought with his money.”

Mina continues to gush about the recent improvements. A sparkling fountain serving as a centerpiece of the hotel layout, beautiful in the afternoon glow. A second block of rooms to meet the extensive waitlist to stay at Baia delle Perle. And the pristine cabana’s lining the pool and beach below, white sheets providing privacy to the inhabitants. 

—

True to her word, Wooyoung is the best attendant you could ask for. Half of it is the fact that this is his job and he’s getting paid extra to follow you around like a puppy rather than do his usual chores across the villas. The other half is an intense infatuation with you.

Despite popular belief, he doesn’t sleep with the clientele. Maybe some indulgent flirting here and there with disillusioned housewives or a cheeky wink at a woman old enough to be his grandmother but Wooyoung isn’t desperate enough to pimp himself out for a tip. He makes enough money operating on a strict look but no touch policy. With you it’s different. 

The need to prove himself heats his blood. Every approving smile, every thank you when he surprises you with exactly what you didn’t know you needed. And when he overhears you showering him with praise about how good he was at his job to Mina, Wooyoung sprinted to his room and rubbed one out to the fantasy of you telling him how good he was in a much more indecent setting.

He’d like to think the thoughts swirling in his head are also making an appearance in your own. Tugging on the thin strings of your barely there bikini till they let him see the scant inches of skin they manage to cover. Giving you exactly what you ask for on one of the cushioned pool chairs. Take the time to ensure you get everything you need in the privacy of your suite.

But you meet each tongue in cheek comment with a sharp look, letting Wooyoung know you're more than aware of the feelings driving him wild. And you brush him away anytime he tries to press forward. 

Good thing Wooyoung loves the chase.

“One mojito for the special guest.”

You smile politely at him while taking the cold glass. “Thank you, Wooyoung. Oh shoot.” 

A tiny pool of liquid splashes between your breasts, a freezing stream slipping down your sunheated skin. Wooyoung desperately wants to clean it up with his tongue. But you haven’t given him the greenlight yet so he simply pulls out the towel he keeps tucked in his back pocket for occasions such as these.

“Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to get you messy/”

“Not your fault! I’m just a bit clumsy.”

“I’ll help!” Wooyoung chirps, set on patting you dry as he raises the cloth to your chest.

“I can handle it.” You object.

But Wooyoung doesn’t listen and you don’t try to stop him as he wipes down your front. The rough cotton scratches against the sensitive skin of your sternum, goosebumps surging to the surface with each pass. You can feel the weight of his hands on the other side of the towel, the curl of his fingers holding the fabric. 

He’s unnecessarily thorough. Swiping at your stomach with the excuse of a few rogue drops before working back up to your breast. The little shit even has the nerve to smile at you when he announces “all done!” brightly. Like he hadn’t just felt you up.

But before he can move away, you snatch his wrist and tug him back down to eye level. Wooyoung looks like a starved wolf eying a steak, hopeful this is when you’ll finally give him a taste. But if he wants you then he’ll have to work for it. And you're aching to see just how far you can push him before he breaks.

“Did you need something else, ma’am?”

“Little boys who play with fire get their fingers burned, Wooyoung.” You warn, smiley venomously as his stomach clenches under the drag of your finger against the waistband of his shorts.

And then as if it was all a dream, you let him go and grab your book. You ignore Wooyoung’s look of pure disbelief as you find your place; resolved to ignore him and the entire interaction just to see him squirm. So dedicated to the charade you almost miss Wooyoung’s whispered response as he turns to leave.

“Looking forward to it.”

—

Round two of your game with Wooyoung happens later that week. Both of you pretended the incident by the pool never happened. If you can count the way Wooyoung devours you with his eyes when no else is around, or how you’ve fished out the tiniest bathing suits from your luggage. One big game of chicken with no clear victor yet as you push each other fold. Today you want to change that.

“Wooyoung?” You call from your chair.

“Yes ma’am?”

“Can you help me?”

His footsteps echo against the wooden floor as he approaches, “Sure! What’s up?”

“I can’t reach my back.” You say innocently, handing him a bottle of sunscreen.

It’s not subtle but just plausible enough to deny ulterior motives. Eyebrows kissing his hairline, Wooyoung clearly sees through your facade.

“Of course,” he coughs.

You hear the click of the cap just before you feel the cool cream against your skin. Jumping at the contact, Wooyoung chuckles behind you at your reaction. His palms warm it up quickly as they massage across your back. A knot along your spine becomes Wooyoung’s new focus as the lotion settles in, allowing his thumbs to work it apart.

A sigh is out of your mouth and in the air at the delectable pressure.

“Someone’s tense.”

“Maybe I should book a massage at the spa.”

“Or I can help you out.”

You moan as the tips of his fingers stretch around your sides to skim the border of your triangle bikini top, nails scratching along the hills of your breast. Wooyoung returns his hands to your shoulders, thumbs unknotting all the muscles he’s unknowingly responsible for tightening. Melting in his hands, you close your eyes and enjoy.

Eventually, your back is taken care of but you’re still desperate for more. Chancing a look over your shoulder, you find dilated pupils and low lids mirroring your own.

 “Can you get my front too?”

Gently, Wooyoung assists in flipping you over. He takes his time pouring more sunblock into his hand, palms rubbing together before stretching across your stomach to start mapping your skin. The curve of your hip fits perfectly in his grip. All you can think about is how helpful that’d be if you were sitting on his cock. Head lulling back, you let Wooyoung do what you’ve learned he does best: take care of you.

“More?” He rasps.

“More.” You sigh.

You're still in public. Hidden in the gossamer curtains of your private cabana, faraway from everyone else but public no less. Anyone could walk up at any time and push the curtains aside to find Wooyoung slipping his hand under your bikini to massage your rounded breasts.

Biting back a gasp, you swallow as the slick of greasy lotion allows Wooyoung to glide his thumbs over your taunt nipples. The twinge of pain forces your back into a harsh arch and your eyes shut. You want to moan his name but the thrill of getting caught becomes much less sexy and incredibly terrifying at the idea.

You’ve never been so turned on in your life. You’d never felt like this even in the most lovely fleeting moments of your marriage. Seungcheol never made you want him so much you were willing to beg, so wet he could slip right in to split you and half. 

Wooyoung fingers continue their laborious pace, still holding on to the gause of helping you apply sunscreen as he squeezes a cool line across your legs; resembling something far lewder that makes your brain spin.

“Here too?”

“Mhm!”

The insides of your thighs melt under the new attention. He starts at your knees, bending each leg individually to torture you. You thrash at the gentle caress of the breeze against the damp crotch of your bikini. But Wooyoung won’t be interrupted as he focuses on the task at hand, kneading the tight muscles harder while you quiver in under him.

He hasn’t even kissed you when one finger strokes your covered core before he dips away.

“All done!” 

You want to slap the shit eating grin right off his face. Of course the tease would work you up just to leave you wet and wanting for the rest of the day; more ambiguous promises of what could be happening but you won’t fold first. Wooyoung wants to play this mind melting game and you’ll show him you’re the master.

—

The next time you're alone with Wooyoung, you already have a plan in motion to get him on his knees.

Two days after the incident by the pool, you’re cocooned under the blankets until the last possible moment. He hadn’t come to your room to check on you yet and you used the uninterrupted time to soak in the biting streams of the shower. Mina mentioned something about getting lunch in a text but provided no solid details. She’d been too busy running the resort to spend much time catching up. But a meeting with investors was canceled and freed the rest of the usually busy day for her. No doubt Wooyoung would show up to escort you wherever you were supposed to meet Mina for a meal.

Primping in the mirror you take in the glow of your cheeks and glimmer in your eyes. It’d been a long time since you looked so… alive. A miserable marriage drained the life out of you like a parasite. But sunshine and sand had been a perfect cure.

A knock at the door breaks your trance, no doubt Wooyoung from the unique rhythm he always announced himself with. The sound of the door shutting lets you know he’s invited himself into the empty bedroom.

“Wooyoung! Can you come in here please?” You called.

The shuffling of his footsteps reach your ears before you see him but when you do you smother a laugh. Wooyoung chokes on air when he spots you. Hands holding your top to chest, the back open and slack to reveal nothing but uninterrupted skin that disappears under your skirt. How easy it’d be to drop the entire thing and let him see exactly what he’d been playing with those days ago.

“I can't reach the zipper. Would you mind helping me?”

Wooyoung’s head nods so hard it must hurt his neck as he stumbles up behind you. For someone who talks a big game, getting a reaction from him is surprisingly easy. Watching him in the mirror, you see his adams apple bob with a harsh swallow before shaking fingers clench the fabric to hook the zipper. To make things harder for him, you lean forward to put your weight into your hands on the counter. Wooyoung falters at the arch in your spine and how it curves your ass towards him.

Dipping your head to hide the smirk cutting across your cheeks, you coo at him. “You’re always so helpful, Youngie.”

His hands falter under the mocking praise, successfully jamming the zipper. Cursing under his breath, he crouches to get a closer look and the caress of his breath on your spine threatens your control.

“Sorry,” he apologies, voice thick.

“Don’t worry about it! This top just so tight and it makes it so hard to get it on. Just go nice and slow, yeah?”

The sharp intake of breath behind you sends a wave of satisfaction through your core. Fixing the zipper takes much longer than needed, Wooyoung crumbling under your watchful eye in the mirror. Finding a new opportunity to torture him, you bat away his hands before wriggling the top until the zipper sitting between your breasts. Working the sides apart, you spin to hand the piece of fabric back to Wooyoung, naked from the waist up. 

“Try again.” 

Wooyoung doesn’t seem to recognize anything beyond your tits until you press the top into his chest. Snapping out of his daze, you smile at him as you turn back around towards the mirror.

His arms reach around you to pull the shirt taunt across your front, his chest pressing against your naked spine, skin on skin thanks to his insistence on using only the bottom two buttons to keep it his own top closed. You can see the way his fingers twitch to feel you, to bend you over the sink and end the charade with a thrust of his cock; and your smirk tells him you know just how much he wants to.

By the grace of God, he manages to zip your top without another mishap. Turning this way and that in the mirror, Wooyoung simply watches with his hands on the sides of your hips atop the counter, pinning you between his body and the marble but not touching you. 

Turning to face him, you smile at the pinched expression clouding his features. “Thanks, Wooyoung. What would I do without you?”

Arousal rolls off him in thick waves, each shudder breath shaking his chest like he’s being held back by an invisible grip he desperately wants to break out of. 

“You’re so tense, Youngie.” You coo, tickling your nails across the side of his neck before letting them skate down his rippling stomach to skim the waistband of his shorts. “You need to relax.” 

The heat of his flushed cheeks burn against your palm as you cup his face. Wooyoung grinds his teeth as you taunt him with a soft squeeze around his half hard cock. “And you're burning up! Are you feeling okay?”

Beads of sweat bloom on his forehead when you dip into his underwear, met with the smooth velvet of his length across your knuckles. Eyes not leaving his, you feel his cock bob free when you force his shorts and boxers down clumsily. You dig your thumb into the weeping slit across the head to collect sticky pre-cum to ease the harsh friction. And positively beam at Wooyoung as his knees buckle with a strangled cry.

“What’s wrong, Woo?” You ask, leaning forward to nip at his earlobe. 

Each breath has his shirt brush against your chest, his exhales whoosh down the side of your neck. Tightening your pointer finger and thumb into a ‘O’, you fuck his cock through your hand until Wooyoung twitches frantically against you. And then you let go.

“Oh wow look at the time!” You gasp, checking the delicate silver watch circling your wrist. “I’ve got to meet Mina for lunch.”

Pinching his cheek between your fingers, you hold him in place to watch as you suck the evidence of his arousal off your thumb before twirling towards the door. “Bye, Wooyoung.”

Wooyoung simply stares as you leave, mouth gaping and utterly speechless with his cock still out. The latch of the bathroom door unlocks the snicker you’d been choking on. 

—

Beams of purple and blue light swirl across the dance floor, casting the crush of bodies in an underwater glow. Mina insisted you attend the staff party this evening, a combination of her birthday and celebrating the grand re-opening. No one batted an eye at your presence. All the staff eager to blow off some steam after a stressful week, letting loose on the bosses dime. 

You’d also found the indulgence of an open bar too tempting to pass up. A glass of red wine taking the edge of your incredibly tense shoulders.

“Is there a reason my best employee is watching you like a hawk?” Mina asks over the rim of her glass, smirking in your direction.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, really? So I should ask Wooyoung why he looks like a love sick puppy?”

Eyes wide, you tried to hide your embarrassment by flagging the bartender down for another drink. But Mina waves him off.

“So something is going on. Interesting.”

Glancing her way, you ask. “You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad? You’re both adults. Just don’t fuck him in public and make me call the cops. Now, go take care of lover boy before I throw up.”

With Mina’s permission, you itch to do just that. The last gulp of your drink goes down smoothly as you rise to leave. You’d pointedly ignored Wooyoung all night; one glance at the start of the party had been enough temptation for a lifetime. He looked like sex on legs; shirt unbuttoned to his stomach, hair tousled like someone ran their hands through it over and over. It wasn’t fair.

Squaring your shoulders, you find him leaning against a pillar right where you’re headed—watching you down the tip of his nose with his arms crossed. An arched eyebrow is all the invitation you provide as you saunter past him and into the cool night. 

Each step towards your suite echoes behind you, Wooyoung following closely. Goosebumps prickle across your shoulders, smothering your desperate attempts to breathe as he stalks you like a predator and you’re his prey.

How wrong he is.

You chance a peek behind you as you make it to the door of your villa. Wooyoung stands a few feet away, still watching you as you step inside.

“Are you planning to stand there all night or are you gonna come inside?”

He explodes with a swiftness you’d never witnessed before. The ungiving wall bites into your back as Wooyoung pins you, mouth on yours. 

All the waiting, all the teasing, had been more than worth it with how he takes your breath away with each pass of his lips. Mind dull from bliss, you don’t feel Wooyoung’s hands slipping down your sides to bunch your dress out of his way; a muscular thigh making its way between your spread legs, flexed for you to rock against. 

You don’t care that anyone can walk by the still open door and see the debauchery taking place. All you can think about is letting Wooyoung spinning you around, crowding you against the wall as he flips your skirt up, and fucking you until you can’t see straight. And if the hard lump pressing into your leg is any indication, Wooyoung is thinking the exact same thing.

But you promised Mina you wouldn’t.

“My room,” you groan into his mouth after another rough pass of his thigh.

Wooyoung either doesn’t hear you or doesn’t care, dropping to your neck to nip at your jugular. You try again but the words die on the tip of your tongue as his hands drop to harshly squeeze the supple flesh, pulling you against his thigh again.

Laughter chimes in the distance, loud enough to hear of the deafening rush of blood in your ears. Your room is in the last building, right on the edge to overlook the sprawling sea. No one has any reason to come out this far but the potential of being caught in such compromising positions makes you desperate for the safety of your room.

“Wooyoung.”

He grunts, this time rubbing his hard cock against you as his head drops into the curve of your shoulder. “Fuck, love it when you say my name.”

Winding a hand into the base of his hair, a sharp tug pulls him up to eye level. 

“My room, Wooyoung.” You say, eying the door again.

He blinks at your words until his brain finally catches up. Fingers tangled with yours, Wooyoung drags you down the hallway until the wooden door of your suite comes into view. He plucks the key out of your hand, unlocking the door and ushering you inside. The wood rattles on the hinges as he kicks it shut but you're both so lost in another heated makeout you don’t care.

You’re losing your nerve with each pass of his tongue, melting into his hold until the edge of the mattress presses into the back of your thighs. Wooyoung tries to push you down into the cushion and that’s the wake up call you need to remind you both who’s in charge.

“Wait.”

“What?” Wooyoung pants, staring at the finger you’ve dug into his chest.

“This is how it's going to go. “ You start, tracing it down the planes of bare skin as he shudders. “I’m gonna tell you what to do and you’re gonna listen. Okay?”

His eyes rise to meet your’s, a challenge burning behind them. “And if I don’t?”

“Then, I’m sure someone else will.”

You both know it’s an empty threat. An unsatisfactory ending to the cat and mouse game you’ve been playing for the past week. But if you’ve learned anything about the young man so eager to bed you he’ll agree to anything you say, it’s that just because Wooyoung is agreeing to your conditions doesn’t mean he isn’t going to have some of his own fun too. And that’s what you truly want to see.

“So if I say jump?” You smile.

“How high?”

Pinching his cheeks to pucker his lips, you reward him with a sarcastic praise. “Good boy. Now sit down.”

You take your time removing your shoes, enjoying how each minute makes Wooyoung more and more impertinent. He isn’t vocalizing his displeasure in having to wait, clearly afraid you’ll make good on your threat, but it bubbles under his skin. The inferno of his gaze blisters your skin as he watches your every move. Removing your jewelry piece by piece, going so far as you straighten everything out on the dresser just to hear the sharp breath Wooyoung releases. 

But he’s good the entire time and it both disappoints and pleases you.

Turning to face the bed, you stalk towards him. Wooyoung manages to keep himself in check until you’re standing between his spread legs, a manicured nail scratching across the jut of his collarbones revealed by the split front in his button up. Lungs expanding under your coy touches, you smirk right in his face and annoyance erupts on his face.

“Take this off.” You demand.

Popping open the last buttons at the bottom, Wooyoung all but rips it off in an effort to please. His eyes are wild as he anticipates what comes next. 

“Now take off mine.”

You bite back a laugh at Wooyoung dolling the same frantic swipes at your clothing. Ungraceful yet effective. The extensive collection of fancy lingerie you collected over the years sits in your closet at home but Wooyoung reacts to your simple black cotton bra and panties with the same enthusiasm as if you wore the nicest silk teddy.

“Do you wanna touch me?”

Eyes glued to your chest, he nods.

A finger under his chin forces Wooyoung to meet your stern expression. “Words.”

“Yes ma’am.” Wooyoung nods again.

“Yes, what?”

“I wanna touch you.”

“Then do it.”

The cool sheets feel delicious against the hot skin of your back as Wooyoung crowds over you. His mouth is yours, sucking the air from your lungs with a lick of his tongue across the curve of your lower lip; teeth razing across it gently. The hand not holding him upright grapples your leg, twisting it around his waist and allowing the weight of his cock to press against you. 

You’re content to let him take the lead for now and Wooyoung jumps at the chance to prove how good he can be without your directions. His hands stay firmly planted next to your head, caging you in as his tongue does absolute sinful things to your neck. Each gasping breath and stuttered mewl incited another rough cant of his hips into the sweet heat of your thighs. 

As anticipated, Wooyoung does nothing less than worship your body. His hands memorize every curve and dip, mouth etching down your chest before honing in on your breasts. Wooyoung has all the time in the world as he presses sweltering kisses across the swells of flesh— sucking a bruise across the side you’ll have to hide later.

“So good, Youngie.”

Pulling his hair with the praise results in a hiss against your chest and an aggressive press of his cock before he slithers down to the apex of your thighs. Wooyoung kisses your clit over the material of your panties, sucking against the fabric to tease you while his thumbs find their way under the band at your hips. A strangled moan rings out when he licks a slow strip up your covered cunt. 

“Go ahead, baby. Want you to taste me.” 

Lifting your hips to help him is moot as Wooyoung rips the crotch of your panties open, the elastic waistband still cutting across your hips. You’d reprimand him for the way he shreds such a loved pair of underwear but you're so desperate for relief you don’t care especially after such a primal display of strength. 

He wastes no time diving right back in, lathering you in his spit as he tastes all you have to offer. The sheets under your hands threaten to rip as you whimper from the overwhelming zaps of pleasure Wooyoung provides. His nose nudges your clit before his tongue lashes against the bundle of nerves, two fingers rising to stretch you for his cock. All your muscles pull tighter with each pass, hips rocking into his skilled mouth as you rocket towards the edge.

“Feel good?” He asks, muffled by pussy.

Another harsh suck of your clit allows you to do little more than gasp in response. But Wooyoung seems disappointed with such a lackluster answer.

Rising from his new home between your legs, he twists his face in mock confusion. “What was that?”

Dazed, you lift your head to find him suppressing a shit eating grin as he looks up at you.

“Wooyoung!” 

“Just wanna know how to please you, ma’am.”

His fingers begin their rhythm again but Wooyoung lets his chin rest on your stomach while he waits for a response. There isn’t an ounce of the urgency previously drowning him in the hallway. Now, Wooyoung acts like he has all night to wait for your answer.

“Oh Youngie,” you moan, luring him in a false sense of security.

Everytime he thinks he’s a step ahead, you’re more than happy to knock him down a few pegs; eager to put him in his place. But your sudden agreeability makes him blanch when you continue. 

“You’re such a good boy wanting to take care of me. How about I show you just how I like it, yeah?”

Sliping from his hold, you push up the bed until your back is met with pillows. Wooyoung is still crouched at the side, gobsmacked at his failure. 

“You can’t see from over there.” you tsk, shaking your head as you remove your bra and ruined underwear. “Lay between my legs, Wooyoung.” 

Snickering as he scrambles to follow your command, you spread your legs apart; giving him a mouthwatering view of everything as his chest meets the comforter. Your swollen lips flushed from arousal, your dripping hole leaking down onto the blanket, and your clit peeking out from its hood—eager for relief. Face to face with your bare pussy, you preen under the awestruck expression on Wooyoung’s face. 

Skimming your hands down your body, you cup both your breasts; gently plucking your nipples till they’re hard and aching. Wooyoung’s follow their path, glued to everything they do to use against you later. Sliding them between your legs, you use one hand to part your folds while the other dips a finger inside. Collecting enough of your arousal, you circle your clit with soft caresses as you work yourself back up. 

Wooyoung’s face easily betrays all of his thoughts. Licking his lips with each twitch of your thighs, panting when a tiny moan flees your throat. At some point his hands move to the back of your thighs, spreading you wider so he can focus on your lesson. 

Your hands aren’t enough to have you come but Wooyoung doesn’t need to know that.

“So close,” you sigh dreamily.

“Can I…” 

His voice breaks, desperate to get back in your good graces and feel you again.

“Can you what?”

“Let me help!’ Wooyoung begs.

Laughing at how quick he is to fold, you keep talking. “I don’t know if you deserve it.”

“I’ll be good!”

Tsking, you stop his attempt to start without permission with a foot to his chest, pushing him away and onto his knees. “Such a shame.” you sigh, shaking your head. “Wanted to feel you inside me.” 

“Please,” he whimpers.

You watch him sweat, silent as your fingers continue. Wooyoung doesn;t even look at your face, transfixed on your clenching hole as he whispers another desperate plea for mercy.

“Well since you asked so nicel—fuck!” You shout, heaving as Wooyoung shoves your legs apart and latches onto your clit.

“Wanna make you come, please come. Please, please, please.” He pants into your sex, fingers stretching you to your limit as he stuffs you full for his cock later.

Everything tightens as your vision goes black. You’re floating. You’re sinking. Thighs shaking, ears ringing, you shudder apart while Wooyoung abuses your clit with rough motions. Throat destroyed by wanton moans and shrill whines because Wooyoung refuses to let up even though your thighs squeeze around his head from the painful bliss.

Wooyoung continues to ramble into your clit until you pull him into a searing kiss. Ignoring the taste of yourself, you suck his bottom lip between your teeth as you flip him under you with ease. Wooyoung goes without a fight, hands twisting around your middle to press you firmly against his chest.

Only the need for oxygen separates you.

“Good, so good.” You breathe, forehead resting against his.

Wooyoung glows from the compliment, hips curling up to nudge you with his neglected cock. 

Still disoriented, you know what he wants. “Should reward you, yeah?”

Wooyoung’s hands plant firmly on your hips, sliding you against the underside of his length. The flared head hits your sensitive clit with each pass to drive you up the wall.

“Are you clean?”

“Yes, fuck yes.” Wooyoung answers, thrilled at the chance to feel you without a condom. 

Reaching behind, you angle him and sink to the hilt in one go. His fingers were nothing compared to this. Squeezing around his cock as you adjust to the stretch, you could come again with a few passes at your clit while sitting there. Wooyoung’s inability to bite his tongue nearly makes you do just that.

“Gonna ride me or what?” He smirks, hands already planted on your hips as he thrusts upward.

Wooyoung will listen but he’ll also goad you to madness if you don’t silence him. 

Stuffing your soaked panties into Wooyoung’s mouth, you’re woefully unprepared for the wrecked groan he releases at your taste. He’s so incredibly responsive and it’s doing irreparable damage to your psyche. 

“You like gagging on my underwear like some slut?”

Wooyoung responds with another broken moan, throat displayed as he throws his head back.

“C’mon Youngie. I thought you—fuck—wanted to take care of me?”

Pinning his arms beside his head, you grind onto his cock until stars burst across your vision. Each bounce in his lap punches the air from your lungs. Wooyoung assists, burying himself a fraction deeper so you can feel him in your throat. Head thrown back, you release his hands in favor of scratching down his chest, nails catching against his dusky nipples to pull another muffled sob from the man below you.

Pulling your underwear from his mouth, you silence his protest with your lips; swallowing his hum of satisfaction to see you breaking.

“Oh, Wooyoung.” You shudder into his jaw, collapsing on his chest for him to take over.

Wooyoung doesn’t stop his pace as he twists you beneath him, legs framing his shoulders allowing him impossibly deeper. Hard and fast, teetering on painful but you love it. And when Wooyoung dips to take a nipple between his teeth you gasp.

“Fuck, gonna come.” 

Slipping a hand between your bodies to find your worn clit; each pass of your fingers has you squeezing around him.

Writhing beneath him, you try to keep your eyes on Wooyoung as he comes back into view over you. Lips swollen and hair a mess, you miss his taunt the first time he opens his mouth; watching him  There isn’t enough air in the room to keep you afloat as you fragment and splinter below. You can’t breathe. Darkness tints the edges of your vision, teeth grinding painful from the onslaught of pleasure. 

And it fans Wooyoung’s fire even more.

“Can’t even listen. Mad at me for not being good but you're just as bad.”

The dynamic has shifted for the final time tonight and Wooyoung is going to walk away victorious. You're in no position to try and argue your way above him. But it doesn’t mean you can’t try.

“Feels so good, Youngie.”

“Yeah? Love my cock, don’t you?” Wooyoung whines, eyes twisting shut as his head falls forward. “Gonna cum,”

“Gonna cum inside me? Fill me up? Let everyone know whose pussy this is?”

“Fuck.”

“C’mon Youngie, don’t you wanna let me feel it?”

Wooyoung manages a few more thrusts before he loses it, pace uneven and stunted from the sweatering clench of your pussy. The hot stickiness of his cum spills out of you with each thrust, trickling down between your ass cheeks to the bed. Shuddering in his hold, Wooyoung collapses on top of you, spent.

He shocks you with a surprisingly tender kiss as you catch your breaths, cuddling down into your chest with a finality that leaves you gaping.

“Next time you should tie me up.”

“Next time?” You ask.

“You didn’t think once would be enough did you?”

© highvern. copying/reuploading/translating my work anywhere is strictly prohibited.

[alphajocklover]

just wanted to say that Uncle story you made was really good... Any chance for a part 2?

Hey everyone. I wanted to thank you all for your kind words concerning my Uncle John. After I shared what had happened to him and how I got into TF reporting, I got a lot of supportive messages (along with the regular ones that seem to think this is some sort of… kink blog? What even is that?). Because of how kind you’ve been, I thought I should update you on how everything is going. I’m sorry to say there isn’t much to update you on though. I have a good idea as to who transformed my uncle, which I’ll probably expand upon in another post (I keep saying that, I know, but I will), but what I don’t know is where he is. I haven’t got a clue where he is at the moment, but luckily I’m not the only one searching for him.

The Douchebag Revolution has been keeping an eye out for him for one. Since I help them out sometimes they’ve been helping me. They can be surprisingly nice at times, and they’re pretty sympathetic to people who have been transformed against their will, since they all were at some point. They also seem to have somehow gotten the idea that Uncle John was straight before he got transformed, but since that seems to motivate them more I haven’t corrected them.

I have members of other groups I’ve mentioned helping me too. I won’t name names, since they could get fired (or transformed), but I do have some connections at EB Jewelry, despite the company's anti-journalist policy. They’re the reason I was actually able to get some information on the company in the first place, and they’ve been using some of their connections within the company to help look for my Uncle. They haven’t found much yet, though it's because of them I can safely say that EB Jewelry isn’t involved in what happened.

Then of course there are the other TF Reporters who help, a few personal friends of my Uncle, and… Nick. My Uncles literally devilish friend, Nick. Honestly, he’s been looking harder than anyone, and I think I know why. I’ve always referred to Nick as my Uncle’s devil friend, and that's how he introduced himself to me, but… from what I’ve noticed, they were actually closer than that. It was the little things that gave it away. The look in Nick's eyes when he talks about my uncle, both fond and painful, the way he seems more desperate to find him than I do, how protective he’s been of me since my Uncle disappeared. I think he and my Uncle John were seriously involved, for quite a long time.

It’s kind of weird to realize your Uncle is, or at least was, in a long term relationship with a devil, but no matter the reason, I’m glad he's here. I don’t know If I could do all this without Nick's help. He’s half the reason I haven't been turned into a dumb hunk myself. I do worry sometimes that this is starting to get to him. Whoever transformed Uncle John has been sending… pictures, recently. He’s always transformed in a different way and with a different look, but I can just tell it’s him. They’re showing him off like some sort of trophy, using him to mock us. Nick never says anything but it’s killing him seeing my Uncle that way, I can tell.

This whole thing is my fault. I was the reason my Uncle got changed. I have to get him back. I know whoever took him is reading this post. I know you’re powerful, powerful enough that time travel, demons and capitalist don’t want to fight you. But I’m not afraid of you. I know who you are, and I’m giving you a fair warning: I’m coming for you, and I’m getting him back. No matter what.

**I’ve been meaning to do a sequel to the ‘My Uncle’ story for a while. I love big lore stories. I need to introduce the big bad soon, but there so much other stuff to write too so it might still be a bit. Hope you love this story and hope you guys can wait!**

[sigcorp]

bg3 characters as retail managers in my boyfriend's* educated opinion

(*he refuses to post this so i'm doing it for him)

wyll - i think wyll would be a really chill manager, he'd let you goof off sometimes But after a while he'd still make you go do something productive. probably would have some random assignment like dusting the fucking lights or something if there's nothing to do but he's not too strict.

would get mad at a customer once and you'd be thankful you never have faced his fury (he'd never get that mean with you though)

basically the "haha yeah okay okay guys seriously go zone we can't all be standing here you're gonna get me in trouble" type of manager

lae'zel - insane workaholic. you'd dread working with her and she'd make your shift exhausting, but you also can't deny the place would go to shit without her because she's so on top of things.

you'd feel immense joy having her come up for a stupid item return that is against policy because she would absolutely never bend for it no matter how bitchy the customer got. not because she cares about you really but she'd be damned to go against policy for literally anything

karlach - literally so chill that you forget she's a manager until she has to call you to her office which freaks you out because you know you've been extremely lax around her and you forgot she actually has to do shit about that but it's actually just to give you your next raise. you love her and she loves you

shadowheart - when you first work with her you find her insanely intimidating and a little bitchy but after a few shifts you kind of get Why she's like that. wouldn't be a favorite manager but you'd probably sympathize with why she buys wine after her shift every night. if you're lucky enough to hang with her out of work you get special privileges (as in she doesn't scold you for standing still for 3 minutes like she does the others)

gale - nice, but unlike wyll who has a balance between pleasant chats and doing work, gale will literally stand there and accidentally force you to actually stop focusing on what you're working on to have a conversation with him. that can be a good thing, but then you're behind and another manager gets grumpy about it. chill guy but you never actually see him do much for his job. how did he even get to this position???

astarion - call HR.

halsin - dude knows how to run a place. he schedules everyone perfectly and there's always a feeling of harmony as you work together to get projects done. he's friendly but focused. he doesn't care if you don't finish your projects he assigns you so long as you were trying your best, but he would be a little disappointed if it happened too often

i feel like he'd definitely be the manager who actually gives the customer whatever they want even if you said you couldn't though 💀 he wouldn't be mad at you for saying no but he'd make you look like a jackass to the customer

minthara - i actually don't know her so idk but from what i gather i would say also call HR

withers - he's been with this company so long that he knows where literally everything is and every single specific policy and how to solve everything. he doesn't talk much and he doesn't really tell you what to do, he expects you to figure it out and leave him alone unless you need to ask where the most obscure item of all time is to help a customer. genuine lifesaver in those circumstances though

jaheira - the mom manager. checks on you when she notices you're clearly not feeling well. will cover any shift without complaints. you feel safe with her. she handles any difficult task because she doesn't feel like explaining to you how to do it, which is nice but as soon as you have no choice but to do it on your own you don't know how

[gallierhouse]

In another life, Armand could’ve been

An obscure saint from the 1400s best known for a half-lost liturgy and a brutal, yet contrived, death (all good saints die this way, it’s what makes them martyrs). He might have made it in time to have Byzantine icons made of him, which I think he’d enjoy. He’d probably mean a lot to a small group of people, much like St Sebastian or St Catherine of Siena or Hildegard of Bingen. I know these are all famous saints, but they do also have extremely devout fan bases who don’t fit the usual churchgoing demographic.

A terrible experimental psychologist who violated a thousand human rights before subject protections were codified into law. He would’ve been up there with the greats, like Harry Harlow, John Watson, even the guy who ran the behavioral sink experiments. Possibly even Philip Zimbardo of Stanford Prison Experiment fame, although that was a terrible, poorly controlled experiment with no scientific validity, but it was essentially a Saw trap, so maybe he’d do something like that.

MLM employee. I don’t know if he’d be any good at getting people to buy things, but one way or another, he’d rise through those ranks and institute increasingly unhinged policies and group activities, like making it a company wide policy for all employees to do cold plunges in Diet Coke or something. He’d have the most airtight NDAs in the history of MLMs and he’d manage to make them enforceable (NDAs don’t cover illegal activities). If they weren’t enforceable he’d certainly scare everyone to believing they were. There’d be all sorts of terrible hidden clauses and implicit consent signs.

Finance guy, but not the traditional kind. He wouldn’t be a frat bro who bumps on the weekend, he’d just be literally addicted to spreadsheets and seeing numbers and graphs go up. He’d really enjoy seeing the lines go up and down. Would he be good at it? Probably not unless Louis was there to hold his hand through it because I’m not confident he understands the economy. But if he did he’d be a little terror about it. He would waste so much water and decimate so many power grids capitalizing on the crypto boom between 2018-2020.

Museum curator or employee at a natural science museum. Not because he cares about biology or anything like that, but he does like pinning butterflies and putting them in display cases, and essentially creating perfect environments for his little specimens to thrive or be perfectly preserved in. He’d spend a lot of time getting his little zombie caterpillar habitat just right. If they kept larger animals he’d probably really enjoy feeding them, and his museum would engage in live feeding, much to the chagrin of animal rights activists. When addressing the criticism during a press conference he’d pull out a rat and snap its neck (this is the preferred humane method to kill rats for reptile consumption) and ask everyone if they want him to do that while staring at the journalists making unblinking eye contact, or if they prefer the freezer method.

[gayelderstourney]

OLD MAN YAOI BRACKET ROUND 2

Propaganda:

Irving Bailiff/Burt Goodman:

they are TRAPPED in capitalist dystopian hell and yet gay love persists. literally they are fighting for their got damn lives to be gay. they've been subjected to evil fucked up brain surgery to make them forget who they are outside of the workplace and yet. AND YET. they fall in love INSIDE the workplace and gain the desire to fight their oppressors so they can do old man yaoi activities. i forgot to take my adderall today sorry im not forming coherent thoughts but they made christopher walken yaoi real

They have only ever experienced being at work and are desperately trying to find meaning with no memory of the outside world. Fraternization is against the rules as well. The yearning is so much.

they are 2 sad old men who are in forbidden love. they bond over a mutal love of corporate art & company tote bags. their love inspired Irving to rebel against his employers for the first time ever. Burt is even Christopher Walken.

They’re so quietly sweet and heart-wrenching… fell in love on the ‘inside’ (they both work a job that ‘severs’ their work memories from their out-of-work memories; inside the job, they have no idea who they are on the outside or what the world is like, but they found each other and found a little bit of love and meaning and happiness inside the nightmare corporate world that is their job)

canonically in love with each other! in the show people sever their consciousness so they aren't aware when they're working. this creates a separate person that only exists while they're at the office, who doesn't share any memories with the person they are on the outside. these two old men bond and find comfort in each other despite the dystopian hell situation they're in

Old men having a forbidden romance while stuck in a hellish workplace dystopia

These two old men know nothing outside of their company propaganda, which says romance is forbidden, and they still choose each other. They bond over paintings, discuss company policy in each other's arms like they're debating scripture on whether their love is allowed. They're sooo gay and it's so sweet to see true, canonical old man yaoi

Weird old man office romance except they only exist inside the bounds of the world’s worst office building and they go on a little date to a room full of plastic plants

Ravenpaw/Barley:

kitties who were outcast from previous groups they were a part of and find and live with each other. they are canonical mates even though theyre both dudes. they grow old together, but ravenpaw gets cancer and dies before barley (he lives to be considered old in warrior cats years). however ravenpaw wanted to be in the same kitty afterlife that barley will go to, so they can be together in kitty afterlife. barley is still alive though as far as we know and might be the oldest living cat in the series now. also i just think its funny to call little kitty cats "old man yaoi"

[fernlessbastard]

ok hot take. we all hate capitalists. I know. I do too. I really, REALLY hate capitalists.

that being said C!Quackity is the definition of a capitalist. like in a fully "I made the money, I deserve it because I took the risks." "its not my fault that some people dont work as hard as I do." "las nevadas is a company, the only government is the corporation which Quackity owns." way.

he is sat RIGHT at the bottom right corner on the political compass, and he is not budging. obviously, thats not to say hes a homophobe or a racist or generally a bigot, but hes very much a land hoarding, greedy, individualistic, profiteer type guy.

him and wilbur have gotten into several arguments about this, as with pretty much all of the ways Quackity runs his goverment, and shots have been FIRED.

I think the main argument from wilbur would be: "was it your fault that you were homeless after you ran from schlatt? do you really belive that youre the only person who has ever needed to run from financial abuse?" and "if it hadn't been for my policies about taking in all we can feed, then you would have starved to death in the woods. according to your philosophy I should have told you to piss off because you wernt profitable."

and then quackity responding with: "you change your ideology like youre a kid playing dressup, dont act like youre better than me because you woke up and decided that being a marxist suited your situation best, you just want something to argue about." and "you only took me in BECAUSE I was profitable. maybe not through labour but you would have used me as a bargaining chip any day of the week."

anyways, they've both been heads of state and both of them are well versed in political science and economics, which leads to both some very fun conversations and some less fun arguments. (wilbur might enjoy it a little)

ok so yes I agree with that take in the context of the smp, but it's also important to point out that minecraft "capitalism" is what those capitalists who want to convince you it's good claim capitalism to be. Food is abundant, shelter has little requirements to be functional, you can literally just dig a little into a hill and you're set, and then make a farm from things you can find anywhere. Anyone can mine, anyone has access to anywhere that isn't already someone's exact base, food is easily accessible and renewable, etc etc.

What Quackity's doing is he's actually providing a luxury service which isn't at all necessary. And Las Nevadas deserves to earn a profit from people using its facilities, cause they've been carefully and deliberately made to provide entertainment. Quackity doesn't have monopoly on food, shelter, land, resources, etc. Anyone could make their own small version of LN if they had the want and time to. So it isn't fair putting cQuackity in the same box as idfk bezos or musk, cause in cQ's case it's deserved, earned, and not a monopoly that causes everyone but him to suffer. Translating that into real life is just simply much more difficult than taking it at face value

As a sidenote I think that while Quackity is like that on the outside, he still wouldn't ignore someone needing help. Like, he's definitely got that built up resentment of "I had to work for all of this so hard, I've gotten through so many hardships. Why should someone else have it easier??" but then when the push comes to shove he's still end up helping, even if just a little bit.