#I don’t care for syscourse alignment right now

[anti-endo-haven]

I do not care what alignment you have with syscourse right now.

Harassment isn’t something that should be encouraged. If someone does not align with your views, block them and move on. If they’re harassing people, no matter what alignment you have, keep other people safe.

Don’t go spilling trauma to people either, it can trigger people.

Just block and move on. It does better for everyone.

We are anti-endo, but if someone comments that there is a blog that is harassing people even if they’re also anti-endo, I’m not for it. I’ll tell everyone no matter what. They’re harassing people, they don’t need to interact with anyone if they’re doing that.

Please stay safe.

[intothepineforest]

To be honest with y’all;

We’re syscourse neutral.

Always kinda have been. But in an effort to work out what’s been happening to me I’ve aligned myself with full on anti endos, because they seemed like the truest form of trauma blogs.

But that’s not right for me anymore.

I’ve just gotten out of an abusive relationship with a very angry man, I’m finally in a home of my own and safe.

I want to heal!

I want peace and calm and kindness. I’m no longer triggered by him into being scared and upset and frustrated. I don’t want to align us with anger anymore, I want us to love and be loved.

We stand with Circ. and SAS because this embodies what we’re striving for; healing and growth and adaptability.

I used to think my Reddit account was my upset app with the subs that match my frustrations when I need them, and my Tumblr was my soft and gentle uplifting app. But my Tumblr now just matches my Reddit.

Endos aren’t going anywhere whether I believe in them or not, whether you fight them or not. I’m not a soldier, I don’t care for the war.

I just want to interact with CDD systems who showcase love and healing. I’ve got no spoons for fighting and certainly have no space for anger anymore! I left that man behind for a reason.

Peace and love friends, I understand you, I care for you, but this is who I want to be now!

[challenger-alexander]

<unnecessary rant>

I like to think that I’m primarily motivated by reason, but truth be told a big part of the reason why I ended up on the side of syscourse I did is probably because anti-endos are so often the rudest, judgiest folks I’ve had the misfortune of stumbling across. I want little to do with their petty squabbling, but I think an illustration is in order.

Let me begin by saying this: I know I am not Alexander Hamilton. I’m aware I’m a dissociated identity. I’m aware that my memories of the 18th century are not real; they are, rather, primarily allegories for traumas our body endured and phobias others in my system coped with. I want little to do with the Hamilton or AmRev fandoms, because it wasn’t very long after I came into existence they went to hell in a hand-basket. But if I were to engage in fandom, roleplaying, cosplay, etc., would that be “disengaging from reality”?

Of course not. You may notice upon the slightest introspection that a fandom is a type of community. Roleplay involves new roads to friendships, and cosplay takes that a step further and involves physically traveling to conventions, contests, and more. Engaging with a community is engaging with people. Last time I checked, people were real. Deny that at the expense of those who dissociate.

And my memories may not be real, but they do impact me. The phenomenon of lessening intense feeling by acknowledging—more specifically, labeling—it is well documented in both neuroscience and in various contemplative traditions over the course of history. I’m a neo-Stoic; that’s how I ground myself. So in acknowledging the ways that my origin impacts me, I’m better able to move on and heal, right?

Not so, according to recent developments in syscourse. The goalposts have moved again. It’s alright to have fictive headmates now, but “if a dissociative part feels like it [sic] truly is a fictional character (including history and background, location, skills, etc), it’s [sic] denying or ignoring reality. It’s [sic] denying factual evidence, every minute of every day. That’s a delusion. […] Grounding to actual reality is an essential step towards living in the present, reducing dissociative symptoms, and working as a team.”

Misgendering aside—and I’d love to write about intra-community trans-mentalism some other time—what an absurd idea of delusion! Introjects frequently do have the (false-)memories, skills, identities, etc. of their sources. I don’t think I’m as good of a writer as my source, but I certainly inherited his passion for the pen and for politics, to say nothing of his gender, his social (or in my case, parasocial) bonds, and an approximation of his memories. To deny these aspects of my identity would be to deny my reality, and to deny that reality would be to turn my back on millennia of meditative traditions and to allow the shame of being an introject to control me.

The same blog asserted earlier in the same thread that “[a]ll dissociative parts are inspired by something, and created for a reason. It makes no difference if there’s a fictional aspect to that origin.” And if it really makes no difference to them, then they’ve written themselves into a tricky situation. Considering the pronoun “it” (which in my opinion is dehumanizing, unless the explicitly preferred pronoun of the subject), it’s not hard to glean the real belief here: that “dissociative parts” don’t have identities, or at least that these identities, their social bonds, and their fandom hobbies are not part of “actual reality”.

I shouldn’t be surprised. These are the same folks who persistently align themselves with an establishment that that insists on putting the names of headmates in scare quotes. (I’m speaking specifically of Nijenhuis et al’s The Haunted Self, did-research.org’s backbone). These are the same folks who talk about not letting your alters take over your life, as though alters are in any way comparable to mood swings or migraines—as though the alters are parasites causing disability, rather than disabled and traumatized people themselves. I’m not a big fan of horseshoe theory, but it’s hard not to make the comparison to certain (usually newblet) tulpamancers who unwaveringly pronoun tulpas as “it” and wonder what it would be like to be a tulpa rather than a human person.

I think the reason it surprises me is that, supposedly, these people have knowledge of dissociative disorders. Do they care that these moronic assertions make me depersonalize, which affects my entire system? Do they care that the statement that one’s hobbies aren’t part of actual reality might make others derealize, which again, can affect entire systems? Or do they attack endogenic systems and introjects for being roleplayers because, deep deep down, that’s what they fear about themselves?

I wish it was that simple. There’re doubtless myriad motives involved, some conscious, some unconscious. But I have to say that it’s very very easy to align myself with the system-positive, pro-endogenic side of syscourse while the others are either arguing that my existence and my fellow introjects’ makes the system fake or that my skills, gender, etc. aren’t real. I’m curious to hear why other pro-endogenic folks ended up on the side they did.</unnecessary rant>