#I don't actually hate the Imperium

[drunkenskunk]

Welcome to another Drunk Skunk™ rant!

It is entirely possible that you have noticed: I love Warhammer 40k. At the same time, I hate Warhammer 40k... okay, hate is probably the wrong word, but let me explain.

40k is one of my favorite sci-fi settings because it is, hilariously, one of the few that actually manages to get the scale of Outer Space right. Most sci-fi writers have no sense of scale, but 40k is somehow able to convey the unimaginable, incomprehensible, terrifying vastness of Outer Space correctly.

Granted, I think it does this entirely on accident, because everything in 40k is exaggerated beyond the point of absurdity. The scale of everything is massive, every number has several zeros tacked onto the end of it, travelling anywhere takes months, years, even decades, and... that's just how Outer Space is. You can't exaggerate on what is already functionally infinite.

As a result, 40k as a setting has an enormous amount of potential. No matter how much we see of the Warhammer galaxy, we will only ever see a bare fraction of it, and there is always going to be more - and stranger - stuff hidden in pockets of the galaxy that has slipped entirely beneath notice for decades, if not centuries. Or even millennia!

But here's the problem I have. All of this potential? It is almost always completely wasted by Games Workshop. Nearly every single time, GW ignores the massive amount of potential in the setting they created, in order to focus on boring shit that nobody cares about like even more fucking space marines. It's infuriating.

As far as I'm concerned, there is no better example of this in the entire setting... than the Tau Empire.

The Tau annoy me, but not for the reasons you think.

The most common complaint I see leveled against the Tau is that they are the "good" guys, and that they don't fit into the Grim Darkness of the Grim Dark far future of Grim Dark. This is untrue. Moreover: it was never true. Even when they were introduced in 2001 with their first codex during 3rd edition, they were not good guys.

I've always held the suspicion that people saw things like their catchphrase "The Greater Good" and they read things like "the Tau are not overtly hostile," and took all of that entirely at face value, because a sizeable chunk of this fucking fandom has no media literacy skills.

It still amazes me that Warhammer 40k - a game physically incapable of subtlety - has fans that miss the blatantly obvious.

Before I get to my main point, let's clear the air on something right now: the Tau are bad guys, just like all the other factions in 40k.

If you were to place the Tau in any other science fiction setting, they would be a terrifyingly evil authoritarian space hegemony, with a firmly held belief of "Manifest Destiny" and constantly expanding the borders of their imperial holdings through the use of dirty tricks, illegitimate treaties, and good old fashioned military adventurism spurred on by their vast military industrial complex.

Yes, the Tau typically engage in diplomacy first, but that's usually only to establish a casus belli to claim the moral high ground in a conflict because the Tau are obsessed with appearances and love to play the Long Game. Yes, the average standard of living in Tau space is higher than the Imperium, but that's not a high bar. The Tau have a rigidly enforced caste system, and you can imagine how they deal with their "client races" who might disagree with that and even other Tau who refuse to fall in line.

Or have we all forgotten about Commander Farsight?

... I feel like I may have gotten a bit off track.

Okay, so: the simple reason the Tau annoy me is because there was a whole lot of potential there, and all of it has been completely wasted because Games Workshop doesn't seem to understand what made them interesting in the first place.

See, when the Tau were introduced in 2001, it was quickly established in the first codex that the only reason they even managed to make it to the "present" of 40k was due to a series of accidents that allowed that particular scrap of nowhere to slip beneath everyone's notice.

But here's the thing: we didn't really need that excuse. Every time we see maps of Tau space, it's always zoomed in to such an extent that it looks much bigger than it is... because, unlike every other faction, you can't have a full map of the galaxy that only focuses on the Tau, because it's always just a pinprick.

My personal favorite of these maps is the one from the 5th edition rulebook, but it's common with all of them.

To put this into better perspective: Tau space is almost always described as a sphere about 300 light years in diameter, which is roughly the same size as "The Bubble," the cluster of human worlds centered around Sol, in Elite Dangerous.

And that, right there, is why the Tau should be interesting, at least to me. They represent what could exist in the hidden parts of the Warhammer galaxy that slips beneath everyone's notice because SPACE IS BIG. The Imperium of Man may technically cover the entire breadth of the Milky Way galaxy, and "hold" a million worlds... but there are 100 BILLION stars, and even more planets besides, in a galaxy that stretches 100 thousand light years from end to end.

That is A LOT of Outer Space that could hold any number of secrets and weird alien species that nobody would know about until somebody accidentally stumbles on them.

The Tau could have - should have - been a jumping off point, allowing Games Workshop to make the setting feel even bigger and far more strange than it already does. The Tau could've been the template for introducing "pocket empires" to the setting: smaller xenos armies that people could use in skirmishes, but without entertaining the illusion that they have the military projection power to stand up to the other factions on an appreciable strategic scale for an extended period of time.

And yet...

It fees like Games Workshop consistently misunderstands what should make the Tau interesting. Every new codex, every new edition, it feels like we get more and more of GW trying to be like "No, no! The Tau can definitely stand toe-to-toe with the Imperium of Man! They build tall rather than wide, and are ABSOLUTELY a threat to the Imperium, we promise!" when in reality the only reason the Tau are even still here is because the Imperium always has bigger problems to deal with.

There was the bit I mentioned earlier, where the Tau were initially saved after they discovered fire due to a mixture of freak warp storms and the Age of Apostasy causing the records to get lost. The Damocles Crusade ended in the Imperium's withdrawal because of the imminent arrival of Hive Fleet Behemoth. The Third Sphere Expansion was only successful because Failbbadon Abbadon launched the 13th Black Crusade at the same time on the other side of the galaxy, blew up Cadia, and split the galaxy in half with the Cicatrix Maledictum. Every single time the Tau do anything, a much bigger threat always shows up, and causes everyone to forget about the Tau until they inevitably go back to poking the monster.

Like, I know it's GW doing this, but sometimes it feels like Tzeentch is secretly pulling strings behind the scenes to specifically ensure the continued survival of the Tau, for no other reason than simply because the Changer of Ways thinks its funny.

And that's not even talking about how they've slowly morphed into The Gundam Faction.

Like, it used to be that the Tau Empire was supposed to be this big conglomeration of many different alien races all working together. And there are token mentions of that in the 9th edition codex, with a big list of names largely devoid of context. But as soon as you see these guys in action on the tabletop, it's immediately clear what they're about. You only ever see Tau, and you only ever see Big Robots.

Which... it's not bad, the model range looks great, don't get me wrong. But it still feels slightly disappointing, when you think about what we could have had.

I love Warhammer 40k.

But I also hate Warhammer 40k.

Because I see all this potential... and, inevitably, I see it squandered.

And it frustrates me to no end.

[moodymisty]

Anon that talked about Fulgrim here. The same thing is happening to Yvraine. Also this a rant sorry

She's such a cool character. I'll say that I haven't read any books on her, I only watched some yt videos and read her wiki page. But from what I gathered, she's a total badass who'll do anything for her people. Then why she's just left as "Guilliman's eldar gf"? Because the people who say those sorts of things don't know how to see female characters. The elf being paired with the humans is essentially an ancient thing now and it also comes from this. But, at it's core (and in the case of Warhammer), it's fetishization.

Let's take a closer look at this: Guilliman is, obviously, the golden boy of the Imperium. He's an hard-working and logical man, in many of the main he is the main character or an incredibly important character. Of course, somebody will relate to him, they'll say: "he's just like me". Then comes Yvraine. She's from a different cultures, she looks much different and she, and her kind, are considered barbarians. She and Guilliman develop an "partnership" on a bases of a treaty but they still hate eachother. They tolerate one another for the good of their people. These people, who previously related to Guilliman, will toy with plot so Guilliman, basically them in this context, will get the xeno big titty gf and live happily ever after. They do this because they fetishize how different Yvraine is. They want the main lead to get the girl, essentially.

I've seen on Reddit (god forbid) people actually ask if this relationship is canon. They depict Yvraine as an hungry whore for the human dick. This went to the other Primarchs too. They make a list of which xeno races would be most compatible with each primach. Fir example, I've seen a lot of art showing the Khan and Lelith Hesperax together. My brother in Christ, that woman hates with all her heart pregnancy and pregnant women. I seriously think she's a lesbian (if it isn't canon already). Poor Khan is stuck in the Warp, probably wanting to go back to his sons. He'll not look at an Drukhari and say: "I'll smash that" 💀. Lelith won't fall at her knees begging for his cock, she'll already either have fought him or is fighting him.

Sexualization is completely fine. Hell, I fantasize about the Primarchs or other characters from any piece of fiction all day long. But when this fanon headcanons become canon to some people, I think we should tone it down. I laughed at the Guilliman x Yvraine jokes in the beginning, but these jokes should just stop, they're unfunny now 😕

The Yvraine x Guilliman is totally canon guys posts are always so insane to me because, they've literally spoken twice. Shortly after guilliman woke up, and before Yvraine left. And Guilliman was very firm in saying 'thanks for bringing me back, but that's it. please leave.'

Like there was no UWU THANK YOU YVRAINE~ and no OOOOO~ MON'KEIGH ~

Like i don't mind the shitposting to be clear. If people want to ship it or meme about it thats fine i don't fucking care, what's frustrating is now that it's been a few years since that event happened, people are coming into the fandom thinking that this stuff is like, actually real. And they have some political secret romance going on and Yvraine is going around getting that primarch dick on the reg. And yeah the fact that she's one of the few female characters i'm sure doesn't help matters.

I just wish the memeing wouldn't blend into people's actual interpretation of the lore, like it has with a lot of fans. Brain melting literally.

[6-atlas-6]

Why do we all collectively never talk about Vega in depth (Imp! or not). Like he's so understanding and patient for no reason. He's genuinely so caring as well even if it's just for specific people

Examples

"I want to see you. Not that name badge you wear. Not that facade you drape yourself in." - getting closer to a sadistic demon

"As if I'd join up in their ranks after their treatment of you, and all the other demon department officers" - under a sadistic demons care

"is that department of yours hellbent on stripping you of everything that makes you a demon? How much else of yourself have you had to abandon to fit in with them? Well, thank you for sharing this true part of yourself with me" - under a sadistic demons care

Let's also talk about how sad he is as a character in general, or at least the potential he has to be a sad character

"You remain the only person in that god forsaken containment facility that expressed anything toward me other than resentment, fear, or disgust." - under a sadistic demons care

Notice how he called Warden a person.

I feel like it's been recognized how incubi (Gavin specifically) are used to not experiencing actual love because they are seen for what they feed off of and nothing else, but Vega is mentioned to be in the exact same situation and barely anyone talks about it.

He mentions multiple times how he's shocked when someone isn't afraid of him or immediately hates him. I feel like it's glossed over because he doesn't seem too upset by it, but if you really pay attention he definitely is. Both of his listeners in the normal universe and in the imperium have one thing in common, and that is that they were both generally unafraid of Vega, and did not hate him right off the bat which seems to be important to Vega and the reason why he liked them in the first place.

ALSO notice how in the imperium and I'm the normal universe Vega gives his listeners an excuse for being with him that both involve blaming him for everything? Even though he (presumably) dislikes being hated by everyone he has no problems with his listeners making him out to be the bad guy in a situation. I don't care what you think about Vega or his relationship with warden, that is caring for someone at its finest.

"I am born of cruelty but that isn't all I am" - this line may have been from the imperium but I think it suits both versions of him so well

‼️ Disclaimer: I am not defending his prior actions but I am begging people to stop characterizing him as just some evil villain when he has so much more depth to him.

[ragingduststorm]

Love's not a competition

No, I didn't like Rebel Moon. Yes, I still wrote about 20 pages of self-insert fanfiction. I just love Atticus Noble and Kai too much, so yeah. I don't know if I'll ever post the rest, but I loved this threesome scene from the second to last chapter so much. Enjoy!

What happened so far: Y/N used to be a smuggler and in a relationship with Kai, she got imprisoned by the Imperium and both thought the other was dead. Y/N was later "found" by Atticus, he developed an unhealthy obsession with her, it was all really toxic tbh. A lot of stuff happened, now the war is over, the Imperium is no more, Atticus and Y/N live a quiet life with Kai as a frequent visitor.

Word count: ~2,1k

Warning: absolute smut fest, 18+, threesome, oral (male receiving), p in v, polyamory, a bit of voyeurism, a bit of praise Y/N uses she/her pronouns Atticus Noble post redemption arc so he's actually kinda nice (still a bit obsessive though)

Atticus arrived back at the cottage in a good mood. He’d bartered their excess of eggs and mushrooms away successfully and none of the people in the village had given him a dirty look or a mean comment. The first time in the four months he’d lived on this planet. This way of living, stationary, surrounded by nature and community, was still strange to him but it was necessary. It was either this or a cold prison cell on a distant moon. And this way, at least she was here to greet him when he came back.

His mood soured though as he saw the ship that had landed on the landing strip. Kai was back. Of course, Atticus’ luck had run out. He’d wished so hard for the ship to crash, for Kai to be stranded on an icy planet, freezing to death. But then, Y/N would have been sad and grieving. And as much as he didn’t want the other man here, her happiness was more important to him. He braced himself as he entered through the main door, reminding himself that he’d agreed to this. This way, Y/N was his. It didn’t matter that she also belonged to someone else. What he hadn’t been ready for, were the lewd noises emanating from one of the bedrooms. Moans, wet skin slapping against wet skin, the creak of the bed. At least they’d been nice enough not to use the bedroom he’d shared with her most nights. But now he just stood there, in the middle of the living room, unsure of what to do with himself. Should he just go out, take a walk? What if they still weren’t done when he came back? Atticus remembered the hours upon hours they had spent together. And even when he’d been spent, her ravenous appetite had kept them going until he was ready again. His cock throbbed with the memories.

For a second, he thought about spending the night in the barn. But he had no idea how long Kai was planning to stay before flying off into the universe again and Atticus could hardly sleep with the animals for weeks. Well, he could. He imagined it would be similar to being back in the barracks at the academy. But he really didn’t want to. This was his home too, after all. So, he quietly made his way to his bedroom and sat on the bed. His bed, their bed, it was all still very new and complicated to him. And the bad thing was, he could still hear them going at it. From her hoarse screams he could deduce that she’d come at least once and that she wasn’t anywhere close to being done. He knew that he really, really shouldn’t, but he closed his eyes and imagined she was making those noises because of him. She’d only done it last night, so it wasn’t hard to conjure up the image. When she’d sat on his face and come on his tongue. He’d practically begged her to do it. Nothing compared to her taste. And then she’d slid effortlessly onto him, all wet and tight. With some embarrassment he realized he’d been stroking himself through his pants. Yesterday he’d appreciated these loose garments for how easy they were to take off, now he hated them.

Air. That’s what he needed right now. He stood up a little too fast, too eager to escape these sounds and he felt lightheaded. His cock was still hard and throbbing, but he was determined. Until he left the bedroom and saw that the door at the end of the short hall was slightly ajar. Her screams were now muffled. Was she biting into a pillow? Into his flesh? Atticus touched the bruise on his neck she’d left last night, right at the end. Surely, they were so enraptured with each other, they wouldn’t notice if he took a quick peak. But what was he hoping to see? She would be filled by another. Someone who, admittedly, was slightly larger than he was, in more ways than one. Would he break when he saw Kai thrusting into her, his huge arms wrapped around her? Would he even see her under this hunk of a man? Still, he was curious. To see her taken by someone else. Was she different with him? More demure? Submissive? Or was she unapologetically taking what she wanted?

He'd taken a few silent steps toward the door without thinking. She screamed Kai’s name over and over. She must have been close again. Another two steps and he could see the light through the crack. If he focused hard he could make them out, two shapes made into one, Kai thrusting into her from behind, her face buried inside a pillow. Now he could make out Kai’s grunting and see the glistening beats of sweat trailing down his muscled form. Would he be able to hold on a little longer or would he come? Inside or on her back? Atticus thought of his white ropes on her. Her face, her breasts, her ass. All marking her as his. He had to palm himself through the pants because the aching was unbearable. His cock wanted nothing more than to break out and join. To hammer into her. Y/N came screaming Kai’s name. As she did, she looked up from the pillow. Right into Atticus’ eyes. He'd inadvertently made another step towards the door. He froze, unable to think of anything to do as she held his gaze with a smirk. She licked her lips absentmindedly. Kai followed her eyes as he noticed her attention was no longer on him, not completely at least.

Atticus had expected the man to be angry, to shout at him to leave them alone. Instead, he had the biggest, laziest grin on his face as he slowed his pace, now pounding into her slowly, savouring every movement. “You know you’re free to join us, right?”, he was a little out of breath but his voice was calm, like Atticus hadn’t just interrupted them during the most intimate moment imaginable. Kai’s one hand played with her backside, her ass, the spot where he disappeared into her, her asshole. Atticus felt a pang of rage and jealousy. That sweet spot he’d caressed so many times with his tongue felt, more than any other part of her, like his. Kai’s other hand slowly made its way up her body. Along her smooth skin, now slightly wet, kneading her breasts, caressing her face. Atticus realized Kai didn’t try to be possessive, he was inviting him in, showing him all the places on her that were still empty.

“I…I couldn’t, I”, Atticus stammered eloquently. Never before had he felt so much like a fool. He wanted to run, to hide away from the shame he felt. Until she said his name. “Atticus.” It was barely more than a whisper, but the need in her voice drove him crazy. He'd never been able to say no to her when she’d said his name like that. She could have anything she wanted when she said his name and he would forever give her anything he had, anything he was, just so she’d never stop saying it. “Look at that pretty mouth. All empty.” Kai’s voice was an irresistible purr now. As if in a trance, Atticus walked towards the bed, towards their eager, hungry eyes. Y/N’s gaze darted from his eyes down to the obvious bulge in her pants and she licked her lips in anticipation. She was so hungry, so desperate for him, to fill her up. As he stood at the end of the bed, Y/N reached out to cup him. His eyes closed involuntarily. And when he opened them again, she’d taken him out. His cock looked huge in her small hands and it twitched like a wild animal. He gazed along her body toward where the other man was buried inside her. The gap between them was shorter than he’d anticipated. If he’d wanted, he could hunch over and kiss him. But he lost his train of thought as Y/N’s mouth slowly descended onto him and her hand kneaded his balls. “Oh, you’re going to love this.”, Kai said, as he began thrusting into her. Slowly at first, matching the pace she set working on devouring Atticus’ cock.

He was right. Of course, Atticus has had his fingers in her mouth several times when he’d thrust into her. Or his cock in her mouth as she came on his tongue. But this was something different altogether. This was heaven. He could feel her moans reverberating from his tip all through his body. Every one of Kai’s lazy thrusts sent another wave of pleasure along her and into him. Y/N had always been good at taking him, but now it was like she didn’t even want to breathe. Again and again he hit the back of her throat, burying himself in that wetness, her teeth lightly crazing his sensitive skin. She chased him every time he moved back, her tongue greedily licking his shaft whenever he took a short break. He’d thought she’d been ravenous before, but this was something else. Saliva mixed with his own slick coated her throat, her lips, fell down in drops before she could swallow them. After a while, he realized it wasn’t her setting the pace anymore, neither was it Kai. It was Atticus. Every time he thrust back into her mouth, the other man followed. He wasn’t even sure, if Y/N had any breaks between her orgasms or if she only felt one gigantic bout of extasy. “God, you’re so tight, princess. You’re doing so well.” Kai’s words unexpectedly sent Atticus over the edge. He exploded into Y/N’s mouth before he could stop himself. He couldn’t even scream her name, his thoughts were so jumbled. And she swallowed every last drop of him without complaint. The only thing he could see in her glazed eyes was pure bliss. Once he was completely spent, she let him go with a lewd pop that sent shivers down his spine. But instead of letting him go, she caressed the top of his legs, kissing and biting his abdomen.

“I think our little princess is spent.”, Kai said with a small laugh. Y/N didn’t speak. She just hummed in agreement. Kai stopped thrusting and just stayed inside her. “Don’t you want to-“ Atticus was surprised by how exhausted he sounded. His voice almost didn’t feel like his own. “No need. I’m sure I will have ample opportunity to fill her up over the next two weeks.”, Kai said with a wink and Atticus could feel himself blushing slightly. What? Atticus Noble didn’t blush. Slowly, Kai slid out of Y/N, who commented with a mumble that sounded exhausted, but a little disappointed. “I need a shower. She climbed me the second I got off the ship.” He slapped her ass and she winced. He got off the bed with a groan and Atticus hoped he hadn’t noticed how Atticus’ stare had lingered on his still hard cock for a second. “You take care of her for me until I get back.” Kai patted him on the shoulder hard, like they were the best of mates, like they hadn’t just shared the same woman, and left for the bathroom.

Y/N was on her knees and visibly shaking from exhaustion. Atticus went to the bedside table and gave her a glass of water from the carafe that had conveniently been placed there. “Thanks.”, her voice was so hoarse, he could barely understand her. Then he helped tuck her into the bed since she was shivering. But he didn’t join. That was for Kai to do when he came back. Instead, Atticus went to his knees on the side of the bed and stroked her hair. He pressed a soft kiss on her temple and wiped some of the saliva away that was still coating her jaw. The weak smile she gave him made him want to crawl right up in bed with her. Another time. Still shaky, she put a hand on his cheeks. “I love you, Atticus.” “I love you, Y/N.” She had been right. The first time he’d said these words, they hadn’t been true. He had been obsessed with her and the way she had made him feel. But now, after everything they had been together, the war, the pain, he meant it. If this wasn’t love, then he didn’t want whatever the hell it was.

[justcallmemrc]

And now, the 40k rant

So, I think my biggest problem with how GW handles their lore is that they can't seem to commit to an idea. Like, I need to put a disclaimer here saying that I love the 40k universe and how outrageously metal it is. It's an incredible mythology, but it's still extremely flawed.

What I'm saying is, they'll talk about shaking up the status quo, add a few nominal changes, and then keep going the way they were. For example, the Whole Thing with Guiliman and Yvraine. They were hinting at a long-term peace between the Imperium and the Eldar, perhaps even an alliance, but then they just went and completely forgot about it. Like, the Ynnari were pretty much forgotten entirely. Not by the rules team, of course - they got absolutely spoiled in 9th - but their presence in the ongoing narrative - such as it is - has basically been reduced to a minor oddity.

Or the Tau for example. There's good few threads with them that never go anywhere. Like, Farsight's whole thing is that he's realising that the Tau need to understand the warp and psychic powers if they want to stand a chance against Chaos. So does he work with psychic races like the Eldar? Look for a way for the Tau to use psychic abilities themselves? No, he's just going to keep using his magic sword to solve everything.

I could go on. There are so many things like this with the Tau. And with everyone really. But if I had to list every example of this that I'm aware of, it would take me a whole fifteen paragraphs or something to get to my point.

Now, I understand why GW can't change the status quo too much. They're selling a game. It has to be there for the players. Changing the status quo too much could cause a lot of issues. But the problem is that they're trying to have it both ways. They want an ongoing narrative, but without actually changing anything.

This kills any tension in the narrative they're trying to write, because nothing is at stake. Whatever happens, the status quo will remain the same. But hey, at least we have Lionel Johnson now.

I wish the status quo was the only problem, though.

Games Workshop. Are we supposed to like the Imperium or aren't we?

Like, they say the Imperium is meant to be awful. But they still keep treating it as the de facto Good Guy faction because... Reasons.

To be completely fair, this could very well be a classic case of "too many cooks spoil the broth". Companies aren't monoliths. Games Workshop is not a hive mind. Different people working on the lore and writing probably have very different ideas about what the overall tone of the setting should be, how the various factions should be portrayed, etc.

But it's still annoying.

Anyway, uh, I guess this was the 40k rant. I'm not even sure where I was going with it at this point. I'll reiterate, though: I don't hate 40k. I'm just not oblivious to its flaws.

[wxnheart]

I am fond of the brat taming trope and I would love to see what some of the Primarchs would do with a human reader who dares to be bratty to them. Especially the Lion, the Khan, or Perturabo

Horus - Would indulge your brattiness because he'll more than tame you tonight. Does it with the most placid expression imaginable; you later realize that he reacts with the sole intention of riling you up even more.

Leman Russ - Doesn't take you seriously lmao. Has a tendency to hit you with the most feral of grins because it leaves you breathless and moist as fuck while you're being a brat. Bastard.

Ferrus Manus - Will methodically ignore you to the point he cockblocks you. You're seething in sexual frustration because while he looks completely unfazed, you see the mirth and victory in his eyes.

Fulgrim - See, my dear, you can't out-brat The Brat™. Becomes a contest to see who can out-brat the other. Usually culminates in hate sex. Real Bratty Fulgrim shit.

Vulkan - Thinks your brattiness is endearing and does not tame you. You actually have to spell it out that you WANT him to tame you. With hugs. Preferably in bed. Naked. With hugs. 😊

Rogal Dorn - Surprises the fuck out of you by pulling out the Pain Glove. NO THANK YOU, DORN. The sides of his mouth quirk up slightly and you realize you've been tricked in pure Dorn fashion. But then he really punishes you with a round of orgasm denial. Teehee.

Roboute Guilliman - You actually piss him off enough and the next thing you know your clothes are in tatters on the floor, you're stark naked on his office desk, and it's his turn to tease you. You're told to stay quiet (keep in mind you're in earshot of his dear Ultramarines) or he'll stop. Congratulations on the Ultrasex, m'dear!

Magnus the Red - Gets your ass back with Warp shenanigans. You're a needy, horny mess begging for him and he's sitting back watching it all happen.

Sanguinius - There's a reason why he meditates. That glint in his eyes stops you in your tracks. Let's just say that the next day you dressed to cover the hickeys that decorated your ENTIRE body.

Lion El'Jonson - Ferrus Manus cockblocks you intentionally. Lion does it by accident. You yell at him out of sexual frustration. Still, he does nothing. He'll get the hint once you TELL him to fuck tame you.

Perturabo - Do you... do you really want to know? He has a lifetime of pent-up frustration and resentment that he needs to get out and, well... Emperor bless.

Mortarion - *stares in Death Guard*

Lorgar - Your brattiness actually makes him realize he has a bit of a corruption kink. He wants to fall prey to his baser instincts, his lust, and punish you for your unbecoming ways. You kinky whores, you. 👀

Jaghatai Khan - Tames you by going fast. Make of that what you will. 😏

Konrad Curze - You're being a brat, Konrad takes amusement in your attempts and rewards you by giving you absolutely nothing, and Sevatar is in the background nonplussed by the situation while also wondering why in the fuck you'd even want Konrad Curze to... 'tame' you.

Angron - He silently judges your ass so bad you don't even try anymore. Chuckles like a motherfucker, too, when you give up. Spiteful bastard. You realize you said that out loud and haul ass.

Corvus Corax - How does he tame you? By running through the Imperium with his woes. Like... his actual woes. You know how that shit go. lmao

Alpharius Omegon - Uh... GOTTA TAME 'EM ALL! ALPHA LEGION!

[mouseinamushroomhouse]

Here's the thing: I don't quite read Gregor and Laisa's marriage as a marriage for love.

Hear me out:

First, Gregor's personality up through Memory doesn't really lend itself to the "love at first sight" trope. Up to the point Gregor sees Laisa, he's characterized as gay quiet, extremely repressed, and, in the later books especially, very compelling when he decides to play up the Emperor persona. Extremely devoted to Barrayar, but also aware of its flaws and historical complexities, and determined to make it better. Not one for making rash decisions about who to put into power in the Imperium - he's too aware of how badly that can be abused.

Basically two points: determined to enact change in the Imperium, and repressed/overthinking as all hell. Neither of those things, to me, lead to a Gregor who sees a woman on a dance floor and immediately falls for her.

Also, I have a hard time believing Gregor never saw a curvy woman in his life before 35. Wouldn't he / Alys have had that particular revelation sooner?

When you assume that Gregor's "love at first sight" story is some form of dissembling, I at least think it makes their entire relationship in Memory way more compelling. Because if Gregor didn't meet a nice curvy woman and fall in love at the sight of her, it means he met Dr. Toscane, a whip-smart, well-connected Komarran political radical and realized she could make changes in his government that he couldn't.

Gregor meets Laisa - Laisa, who came on Galeni's arm and isn't thinking about romance, starts discussing trades and Komarran business with Gregor because she certainly isn't going to waste having the Emperor's ear for a night - Gregor immediately respects her for the combination of intelligence / not angling to be empress or gain power - Gregor starts planning how Laisa, or someone like her, could change the Imperium for the better. I don't know, I find that a much more interesting choice for him. Also he's a self-sacrificial bastard and I truly don't think he's seen marriage for love as in the cards for him since Vor Game era.

So basically, a few days later Gregor invites Laisa to the palace, and Laisa is obviously flattered (I mean, it's the Emperor), but Gregor doesn't seem to have any interest in pursuing her. Instead, he spends the entire afternoon quizzing her on how she would enact change in Barrayaran/Komarran relations and the changes she wants to see in the Imperium. And then he essentially offers her - this, again, incredibly smart woman who knows how to manipulate social networks to get what she wants - the power to make that change and springs the idea of marriage on her.

Essentially, my headcanon is that Gregor and Laisa's entire public whirlwind courtship that Miles and Alys observe was something the two of them cooked up together that first afternoon - knowing that everyone in Gregor's government, Alys most of all, would be so happy Gregor was showing an interest in anyone that they wouldn't look too hard. And wouldn't consider how powerful of a Komarran advocate Gregor was installing in the palace.

(Also, I'm not saying that Miles being back on Barrayar was a contributing factor in this, but I'm not not saying it either. Because a Miles on Barrayar as third in line to the throne is probably in a lot more danger of being hate-crimed by traditionalist Vor than a Miles off with the Dendarii, so if Gregor wanted Miles involved with his government longterm, he'd have to solidify the succession, wouldn't he?)

So yeah. Laisa and Gregor - friends, intense mutual respect and sense of duty, several children, but actually romantic? Eh. I'm picturing the Barrayaran media swooning over their romance - meanwhile, cut to Laisa and Gregor sitting on the floor in their newborns' nursery with like 16 spreadsheets open across 6 screens plotting how to improve representation in the Council of Counts.

(I don't know whether Miles ever caught on to Gregor and Laisa's dynamic. Ekaterin, on the other hand, figured it out the first time she met Empress Laisa.)

[rainofthetwilight]

Personal hc that lloyd rise dragon technique is very different than the others simply because of his dragoni heritage

DR please acknowledge lloyds dragoni heritage i am begging pls, riyu having a connection with lloyd because he sense lloyd's dragon side

I am foaming at the mouth due to the thought of what the villains might do if they learn that a) lloyd is a conduit and b) him being dragoni

(Sorry i am just obsessed with lloyd's heritage and wants to learn more about it)

OOOOOH THAT'S ACTUALLY SO NEAT?? I like the idea of his rd technique being different from the others, it makes sense!

HHDHSJ yeah I'm also kinda hoping they acknowledge that this guy is literally a dragon (and oni) too, for a show that's name is literally dragons rising your hybrid dragon main character's heritage sure isn't being acknowledged 😭

I think they didn't acknowledge it in s1 bc well, beatrix and imperium, she'd go great lengths to get dragon power and she already hates lloyd's guts so I don't think what she'd do to him would be very kid friendly 😭 but I hope it's somewhat mentioned in s2!

[ghostinthegallery]

Me: complaining on the internet can get unhealthy fast. Focus on praising and analyzing the things you like instead of ranting!

Also me: what the actual hell is Pariah Nexus doing with this stupid Power of Faith nonsense? I hate it. I hate it so much. Why does "faith" overcome the stilling effects of the pylon network? When psyker abilities specifically do not work because the pylons cut off the warp the thing that makes the magic work?? It makes sense on exactly zero levels. In-universe, so-called miracles are specifically called out as being manifestations of psyker abilities/mass acts of will influencing the warp. This is the entire freaking point! The religious zealots with their "miracles" are exactly the same as the "witches" they are hunting. WHY IS FAITH SUDDENLY A DIFFERENT SUPER POWER? Why are you undermining one of the most significant thematic through-lines of the Imperium with this bible camp bullshit? How can you be a critique of theocratic fascism and religious dogma when no actually the religious fanaticism works and is gonna save the day! In a way that literally contradicts how the setting works on a metaphysical level. Because the big scary godless robots just don't understand the power of believing in golden sky daddy! THANKS I HATE IT

[mathlann]

🩷🖤🩶 for blorbo of your choice? 👀

From this ask game. I'll actually be nice and answer for Heinrix on this one. Prepare for a long one on the first answer, lol.

🩷 Why are they your favorite?

Heinrix is unironically one of my favorite companions in Rogue Trader. Because he's terrible. But he doesn't want to be. But he's also too much of a dogmatic Company Man to really understand how awful he is/can be. He's a walking HR violation anytime a Xenos is within three star systems. He's the loneliest motherfucker on this ship. I will divorce this clown in every lifetime, that is how much I love him.

First of all, his internalized everything makes him just, so crunchy. Like, he came from some of the highest nobility in the Imperium (Tech Edition) to rock bottom, to two shakes from regaining his "place" per se (Space CIA Edition). And some part of him knows that Calcazar is the only person keeping him between here, as a "somebody" and the abyss of being just another tool-psyker. And the way his journey to discovering the Truth is also the process of systemically dismantling his own sense of importance as part of Calcazar's inner circle.... Like yeah, he was the potential successor, didn't make him less of a disposable pawn as the rest of them! So what was it all for?

And I think too how his hidden Iconoclast core shakes out is also really interesting because "Iconoclast" doesn't 1:1 mean "good person". Like he can and does show leniency in his Dogmatism with people of similar rank/protection as him (the RT, Jae) or people he can personally sympathize with (Idira, even tho it's insulting). And his romance is genuinely sweet, if bumpy. But at the same time he has a lot of anger in his heart and that gets expressed in ways that show some incredibly unnecessary cruelty to people he thinks are lesser (Vhaebos Prisoners, Yrliet, that one random guard). And he does not acknowledge that!!! Because he's a Space Racism Cop doing his job, which gives him a "get out of examining my issues free" card and Throne take him, he's gonna use it.

And on that latter bit, the other thing I really really love about Heinrix is how much a demonstrates how much the Inquisition really doesn't work as an institution? He's an acolyte of the Ordo Xenos, and his Xenos Lore is shit, which you'd think wouldn't be the case but, look at how he interacts with nominally friendly xenos like Yrliet. You go to Commorragh and he's like "idk...we gotta maybe use their politics against them" and then kicks up a holy fuss when you do that. He approves of busting Tervantias in that gate and later feeding Marazhai (your ally) to the daemon. Like okay, the Xenos are vanquished, Heinrix is the best boy. Don't worry about the multiple 5 star meals Slaanesh is eating because of it...that's not his department anyways. (Ordo Malleus Hates Him!)

He's just a special boy to me lol.

🖤 If they weren't from their source, what fandom universe do you think they would make the most sense in?

Heinrix could very much be A Guy in Dragon age. And I don't mean in the "he's like Cullen!" way, because he's not, at all, but in the sense that he would very much be a loyalist circle mage who's very invested in the Institution of the Chantry while still being tempted to break a few rules here or there (just him tho) y'know?

🩶 Alternatively, what fandom universe would they just perish in?

Saint's Row (or GTA, but I don't play those games). He's a cop at heart, the stress would wear him down even if he won't snitch immediately.

[relax-and-read-on]

Mortarion is my favourite boy, so can i please get various shipping headcanons? (the boy needs a hug from Sanguinius complete with wings wrapping around him)

Oh honey you just hit my FAV poor lil meow meow!!!

Mortarion, and how he would work in various ships (chaos edition)

Magnus: Magnus/Morty is the most delicious enemy to lover. There is a thousand possible scenario for those two! Magnus seeking the second most powerful psycher in the family, Mortarion having to deal with witches... There is so much things to write about them! They would balance each other quite nicely too, with Magnus hopeful optimism and Mortarion pragmatism coming up to a more even result. Tho, I think my all time fav scenario, of how they could get together, is this: what if as a child, Mortarion send out a psychic distress signal as he was abused by Necare? And what if that signal was picked up by kid magnus, and a strange, long distance relationship started?

Alpharius Omegon: The hardest one for me to figure out. I can see them being fascinated by how unwillingly Mort is being used by the Imperium, or maybe them being assigned together in the hope their tactic rub off on Mortarion and he get less causality. Sorry, I'm running a bit dry here.

Horus: Horus is, canonically, one of the two primarch Mort has any attachment too. I usually see them as having more of a big bro/lil bro relationship, but it could easily be Mortarion pinning away at him too. Or Horus having that sweet secret romance! You can add some drama to it, and make it so that Mortarion is *Horus* side pieces, and he feel like trash about it. He wants! To be loved!

Angron: Mortarion has the best apothecary, and hate slavery. The Emperor could have given him to Mort in an attempt to help, and I feel like,at the very least, Morty would have been able to find drugs good enough to calm him down a bit, or ease his pain a bit. Angron would have probably seen a friend too in Mortarion, someone that was chained to the Imperium, and who also held no illusion toward their role.

Lorgar: You have unlocked my secret fav crackpair hehe. It's actually, so, so easy to ship them: you make Mort realise that Kor is a piece of shit. Mortarion, with his hatred of abusive dad, would start to do everything to protect Lorgar. And our sweet Urizen would look at him with bug eyes like "is this affection?? I now love you mind, body and soul." They would be a violently intense pairing, that swing between wild fight and incredible tenderness. And if you want to add spice? Lorgar can worship him, as someone choose by nurgle. Nurgle, being a deity of fertility on Colchis, would probably mean sexy time, wich would make their relationship EXTRA messy. All in all, 11/10 one of my fav.

Fulgrim: Fulgrim/Mort is actually really not that far fetch! First of all, they both adore Konrad, so that is a nice starting point. Following that, you basically just need them to sleep together once. Fulgrim, being himself, would make it the most amazing of time, and poor touch starved Morty would be hooked. Completely smitten. Not only that, but while he thing that all the fancy manners of Fulgrim might be for show, he would absolutely respect his working man background and admire his talent at making things. Fulgrim would also adore plumping him up, and pampering this poor, broken soul.

Perturabo: Another one of my guilty pleasure! Take the two big bitter resentful bastard, and see what happen!!! They would annoy the hell out of each others, and yet, they are SO similar. I want Perturabo to talk about birds, while Mortarion show him rare flowers. I want them to be their best and their worst together. The kind that hurt one another, but can't stay away. Toxic in all the right way.

... and Konrad: Listen. LISTEN. If GW is gonna write in the codex that those two are best friends, and then NEVER MAKE THEM INTERACT.... Then it's free real estate, I don't care. They are besty. They know each others secret hobbies. Mortarion enjoy Konrad weird bones craft, and Konrad is touched by the array of carnivorous plants he's gifted with. They cuddles, because no one really get them like each others. They have this tense friendship, like so many queer youngster had. The one were you aren't sure if it's friendship or attraction, were you kind if want to kiss the other, but knowing that it would change everything between you two, you stay put. They see each others at their worst, and only love the other more for it. I adore them. My precious.

I'll come with a loyalist list soon ;)

[cherrybombfangirlwrites]

OC Headcanons

tagged by: @kaylinalexanderbooks !

tagging: Open Tag and soft tagging @thegreatobsesso | @gh0stlyink | @winterandwords | @fiercely-raging-writer | @writingrosesonneptune

Rules: use this headcanon generator to make headcanons for your OCs! Then talk about how accurate they are

I'll do V from TCIO for this one because I need to flesh them out more, and boy these were fun.

V enjoys doing taxes.

They very much do fucking NOT. Tax evasion all the way, both because they hate the actual process, and they think it's stupid XD.

V does intracite and expensive cosplays.

They do now! Especially niche anime ones.

V reads Ao3.

Oh absolutely, they read the filthiest sapphic and monsterfucker smut they can get their hands on XD. They do read fluffy sapphic stuff from time to time as well, but shhh don't tell anyone XD.

V is oblivous to any and all romantic interest someone may show them.

Yeah, that tracks. They're very flirtatious and will express romantic interest to any fem-aligned or identifying person they find hot- but once that interest is returned they're oblivious to it until they realize, then they freeze up and get all flustered.

V has punched a hole in their wall.

Yeah, probably. And it was probably because of one of their ridiculous and ambitious stunts XD.

~

taglist under the cut:

TCIO Taglist: @friendlyneighborhood-writer @jessica-writes22 @rose-bookblood @yejidoesthings 

@space-writes @cljordan-imperium (send me a message to be +/- from the taglist <3)

[drgairyuki]

My 1st Randomly Generated Marine Chapter

This was my first attempt at creating a Space Marine Chapter randomly.

So I decide to randomly create and generate a Space Marine chapter by using and messing around with 1d6chan(rip 1d4chan)'s Space Marine Chapter Creation Table and Roll A Die to get the results. Why? Because I thought it would be fun. Note; I did for fun, and there is going to be a lot of interpretation and speculation on my part, but I guess that's the part of the fun.

So here are the results of this me messing around;

______________________________________________________________

Chapter Origins: Why Was The Chapter Founded? (d10) 10: Crusade - "We need people running around and hitting the Imperium's enemies. Found a Chapter!"

When Was The Chapter Founded? (d100) 97: M41/M42; Ultima Founding consisting of Primaris Marines. Actually in two waves (+ intermittents in-between), first in 999.M41 and 000.M42, intermittent foundings during the intervening years to replace destroyed chapters or garrison key areas, and the second in 012.M42 after the first phase of the Indomitus Crusade ended with victory at the Battle of Raukos from the last core of Unnumbered Sons veterans, capping off the largest founding in history.

Who was the Chapter's Progenitor? (d100) 71: Dark Angels

Chapter Properties and Flaws: Gene-seed purity (d10) 10: Flawed - Chapter's gene-seed is flawed and sets them apart from their progenitor - roll on Chapter Flaws table

Chapter Demeanour (d10) 10*: Uphold the Honour of the Emperor - Performing unheroic acts? *BLAM* NO or alternatively, since I'd already rolled 10 once for above, I decide to roll again and I got... 1: Swift As The Wind - Going slowly and thinking things out? BLAM NO

Based on the Chapter's Progenitor, how likely are they to suffer gene-seed mutation? (d100/d20) Dark Angels - 10% (1-2) d100; 44/d20; 12

If they have a new mutation, what is it? (d10) 7: Lost zygote - Something's gone. One of the silly EMPRAH-BLESSED things like the Betcher's Gland or Melanchromic Organ, not something critical like the Black Carapace

Progenitor-specific mutation Dark Angels Lost zygote

Lost Zygotes (d100) 60: Oolitic Kidney Since I got really confused and didn't know really about interpreted them above as I didn't know if it there only need to be one lost zygotes or two, I decide to roll again 100: Roll twice on this Chart 68: Neuroglottis 59: Oolitic Kidney* I'd already rolled for Oolitic Kidney, so either the above is good enough or I reroll again 27: Occulobe

If one exists, what is the Chapter's Flaw? (d10) 4: Pride in the Colours - The Chapter hates doing anything that covers their livery, including wearing Deathwatch black.

Chapter Legends: Figure of Legend (d100) 96: Battle-Brother (roll d10 twice to determine company and squad). I decided to roll both 2d10 once and roll 1d10 twice 6 & 7: 7th squad of 6th Company or alternatively, 5: 5th Company 4: 4th squad

Deeds of Legend (d100) 69: The figure led an action against an Eldar craftworld, boarding it and inflicting grievous casualties before withdrawing. He and his Chapter are especially hated by the pernicious Eldar, for whom the event is still fresh and raw.

Chapter Homeworld and its Properties Chapter homeworld (d100) 35: Feral World

Fleets 10+d10 vessels: 8

Homeworld terrain (d100) 29: Desert

Rule of homeworld (d10) 3: Stewardship - "Hi, Planetary Governor? It's me, the Chapter Master. Just calling you to remind you that I outrank you, even if I don't do anything."

Not Fleet-Based, so I can ignored that

Tactical and Strategic Organization d10 Result - Chapter organisation and Variant Base Chapter 10: Unique organisation/Unique(Codex)

Combat doctrine (d10) 6: Drop Pod

Characteristic Chapter Training (d100 Result) 44: Endure Anything: Training in this chapter emphasizes the need for any squad to be ready to endure any trials they find themselves in. They produce tough, durable brothers with diverse specialties.

Chapter Specialities Specialty restrictions (units the chapter cannot field) - Only roll if Unique Organisation was selected (d100) 15: Apothecary (someone still needs to collect the progenoids)

Special equipment- Roll once if Divergent was selected, twice if Unique Organisation was selected (d100) Rolling 2d100 81: Preferred Fighting Style: The Chapter has a specific way in which it prefers to go about killing the enemy in the name of the God-Emperor of Mankind. Examples: Bolt Pistol and Chainsword, dual Power Swords, special Bolter pattern or ammunition 99: Modified Weaponry: When the Chapter’s forges produce a weapon, they produce them in a style that is specific to their Chapter. Examples: Power Sabre, Bolt Pistol with weighted butt for clubbing. or alternatively, Rolling 1d100 twice 58: Blessed Wargear: It is common for members of this Chapter to have their Wargear blessed by a Chaplain before battle. Doing so puts the Battle-Brother’s mind at ease and more focused on the task at hand. 81: Preferred Fighting Style: The Chapter has a specific way in which it prefers to go about killing the enemy in the name of the God-Emperor of Mankind. Examples: Bolt Pistol and Chainsword, dual Power Swords, special Bolter pattern or ammunition

Chapter Beliefs What form do the Chapters' beliefs take? (d100) 84: Totem Creature - "You know how we've got an animal as our Chapter symbol? Yeah, we're going to stick that everywhere."

Chapter Strength At what strength is the Chapter? (d10) 2: Under Strength: The Chapter is recovering from a defeat or accident that occurred several decades ago, or has recently suffered heavy, but not irrecoverable losses. It is probably at a minimum of half strength, and should return to nominal strength within a decade.

Chapter Relations Who are your Chapter friendly with? (d100) 24: Another Chapter (choose one) Hhhmmmm… Maybe either the White Scars or the Space Wolves, depending on how your interpreted it.

Who are the Chapter's enemies?(d100) 27: The Tau Empire (alternatively, you may select a particular Sept, Commander, or Ethereal)

Ooooooo, the Tau Empire, my favorite faction in 40k (mostly due to the battle suit, so sue me :P), but I think I'll go with selecting a particular Sept, Commander, or Ethereal option. But i'll most probably do that in one of the reblog of this post.

[quietbluejay]

Godblight 1

What in the anime lightning crackling between eyes

OWO perhaps….Eldar spotted???

guilliman: when other people use "the ends justify the means and doing bad things to get good results is based, actually" as an excuse, it's cringe guilliman: when i do it, it's fine

ELDAR SPOTTED!!!!

I mean it was a more tolerant age the same way dying from salmonella poisoning is better than dying from lingchi

well idk maybe Ultramar back in the day was less xenophobic than the empire was in general oh lovely it's a tzeentchian daemon …man i love it when an author goes "hey, actually, consequentialism sucks"

time for us to meet a normal human living on a Nurglite planet ….the main thing that being in the Imperium has over being in Nurgle's dominion is the possibility, however slim it might be, that things will get better for you and in general reading this makes it abundantly clear why Nurgle would be so popular on a hive world if your suffering is guaranteed, then at least you can have guaranteed happiness with it of course "get well soon" is a nurglite curse

oh its time for mortarion to commune through the fungus with typhus this whole conversation is just:

back to nurgle demon shenanigans with ku'gath

he's so delightful for once everyone else is sad but he's not enjoying it also it's time for baby fights two with rotigus and ku'gath this is reminding me of interactions i had with my sister when we were both like 10 or under

amazing incredible 10/10

(on the topic of blorbos where is Voiiiii I want Voi point of view why are the sisters of silence being slept on) psyker dude: it is physically painful being in the same room as guilliman because of his stress and depression

see, the thing about a cult of reason is that you're turning reason into a cult

Donas: Humans don't need gods because all gods are evil and from the warp Natase: #notallgods okay this is interesting and is covering something i've been curious about which is how godhood and faith work and i was right haha! so, some gods are created from faith, some are completely faith-independent, some don't need faith but get power from it nonetheless

from what i saw in the other books it seems like the faith and the emperor's power were originally separate, which is weird well kind of like the power that came from people's faith in the emperor, was independent of the emperor himself and my theory was that it's got to do with humanity being a psychic species and the warp is "your mind makes it real" and then since the faith had a specific focus (the emperor) it became attached to him and became a self-sustaining cycle

someone pick up the phone because I called it

it's entirely possible to become a god against your own will and then get shaped by what people believe you to be natase: the incident with the girl driving back demons might have been actually you all along

guilliman: it's not enough i have to deal with everything else, but this too guilliman: nope. i reject this. guilliman: okay. okay. guilliman: ok so if the Emperor really is a god now, what does this mean for our strategy? pffff typical guilliman also i am proud of him here he's actually using reason! rather than blindly turning "reason" into a dogma and avoiding uncomfortable truths.

and now back to ku'gath once again loving some of the imagery "the hospital walls slumped like corpses" actually thinking on the subject, could Shiki kill a chaos god

tattleslug: look everyone knows you hate everyone tattleslug: it's not a secret at all

actually wait we're back to guilliman again and im cackling he's Done

custodes dude: this is a bad idea guilliman: k guilliman: i will walk you through my reasoning one more time custodes dude: you already- guilliman: since you're making me put up with you constantly bugging me, you will have to put up with hearing me repeatedly explain things guilliman: also my final reason is if i don't get to do violence to something i am going to snap

[perlelune]

Hi Lune! Do you have to watch Dune 1 & 2 to be able to understand young god or it's not really necessary

ohhh boy. As somebody who read 5 books, watched 2 movies, listened to a dozen breakdown podcasts in preparation for this fic, I can confidently say...

You don't. I actually still understand so little about Dune 😂😂 and pretty much broke down the worldbuilding elements in the fic for people who are as dumb as I am. I explain it all.

But just for info...

The gist is the Reader is part of this tribe of Desert Nomads called the Fremen. Their planet has a lot of this valuable resource called The Spice. The Spice allows people to travel space super quickly, heal them faster, give supernatural powers, etc. So they get raided a lot. Notably by the Harkonnen. Basically Harkonnen are a evil, bald albino warrior race. They want the Spice and so they raid Reader's planet Arrakis for it a lot. The Imperium who's in charge of all the noble houses gives them free reign to do that but the desert people hates their guts cause like...that's literally colonization.

Feyd is the nephew of Vladimir Harkonnen, making him the soon to be ruler of their planet Giedi Prime. He's an ax crazy, proud warrior guy with a pain kink and a harem of cannibalistic concubines.

Reader has a crush on Paul Atreides (Timmy), aka the chosen one according to prophecies, but he likes her cousin Chani (Zendaya) instead of her.

The story is self-contained imo. I skipped over a lot cause this fic was at risk to be another 8-10k one and I didn't want that loool.

[jeyuwuso]

I do not share GoFundMe/donation links for anyone I don't know. Requests in my inbox will be blocked. You can help the people of Palestine by donating to Doctors Without Borders/Médecins Sans Frontières, The Palestinian Children's Relief Fund, and UNICEF.

... My Dawg

Punk

She/her/they cis lesbian

I have a beautiful wife who means the absolute world to me and two cats. I might post about them a lot because I love them just a stupid amount

Into wrasslin, Always Sunny, whump, and fanfic (be warned, I write NSFT whump a good amount, but I'll always tag it)

I'll probably post music I like. It's mostly upsetting mashups and ska. I'm sorry.

Professional ghostwriter/Professional editor; I write and edit romance novels

I write about people getting sad and fucking about it

I have OCs from my own independently published work that I might post about

Jey Uso stan. He's my ride or die. Babby child. He's always right and I got beef with anyone who goes up against him

Jey/Sami and Jey/Roman are my OTPs. I also ship Punk/Cena, Jimmy/Kevin, Hunter/Shawn, Hunter/Seth, any arrangement of the Shield, and early Sami/Kevin

My mom once said I treat boys like kittens and no one has ever called me out so brutally before or since

A fan of the whole Bloodline, Sami Zayn, Judgment Day, Carmella, Charlotte, the entire women's division, Bray Wyatt, Sheamus, Imperium, Seth Rollins, and any super gimmicky or OTT characters (aka the ones that get cut from the Hulu Raws)

I don't have access to live episodes, and my work schedule ebbs and flows. I'm pretty much always late watching stuff

The only people I truly loathe at WWE are Cody and Riddle (WWE stop hiring rapists 2k23 challenge). I'm also not a fan of most wrestling until the mid-'00s (mid-'10s for women's wrestling). I try really hard not to tag anything negative without tagging it! I'll always tag hate with wwe wank

I don't like AEW's more '90s-inspired approach to wrestling, though I do really like a lot of the people over there (former WWE talent and homegrown talent alike! I love Orange Cassidy and Danhausen). If I complain about it, I'll tag it with aew wank

My feelings about CM Punk are complicated. I love CM Punk, but Phil Brookes is a hypocritical, performative bitch who talks a big game while refusing to actually do anything meaningful

I don't really care about wins and losses in wrestling beyond story implications. As long as I find a potential storyline interesting, I'm into it. I'm also very good at reading too much into things