#I don't speak any of these languages so these were automatically processed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yoonglespringles10 · 2 years ago

Text

WHISKEY AND VANILLA CUPCAKES | MYG

TITLE: whiskey and vanilla cupcakes

PAIRING: min yoongi x fem!reader | mc's roommate jimin (also her bestfriend)

GENRE: angst, fluff, neighbours to lovers, prod!suga, artist!reader, unrequited love au non-idol au

SUMMARY: it is no secret to anyone that y/n completely fell for yoongi the moment their eyes met for the first time, however, yoongi was almost too quick to divert his gaze from hers.

WORD COUNT: 11.6k words

WARNINGS: feelings are not being reciprocated initially, yoongi is very lowkey an asshole in the beginning, i'm a sucker for angst so you can expect it, y/n falls pathetically in love and is not shy to hide it, no serious warnings as such

AUTHOR'S NOTE: hiii, i'm here with a oneshot this time and i hope to be regular from now on!! please do leave a feedback once you're done reading, enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------

you were sitting on the floor in the middle of your living room just about to pour the beautiful, perfect magenta glaze you prepared with your own pink-stained hands on top of your finally finished and dried canvas when suddenly a very loud thud from outside your main door startled you. the old, almost broken plastic container that was holding the glaze fell out of your hands and on top of your weeks of hard work spilling everywhere.

it took you approximately 40 seconds to process what had just happened and how your work was almost ruined with the glaze spreading unevenly and the container leaving a mark on your painting that would be extremely annoying to fix. it took you another 30 seconds to act on doing damage control to the havoc your jumpiness had just wreaked in your living room. thankfully the splatter had not reached your couch. after you had made sure that your work was out of danger you got up. at the moment, all you saw was red. you were ready to end whoever had made that horrible noise. you got up and went straight out of your apartment, ready to give the person a piece of your mind.

as you exited you saw a man bent down, trying to pick up a seemingly very heavy and huge cardboard box. it seemed like he was moving in the apartment right across from yours. so, the cardboard box was probably the source of that ungodly sound, you thought. you walked up to the man.

"excuse me?" you started, your snarky tone starting to surface already.

"don't you thi-" the man looked up and it was like your mouth shut itself automatically. all your rage died down and suddenly you didn't even know what the word 'anger' even meant. if you didn't believe in love at first sight earlier, you certainly had to believe it now because what you were feeling couldn't possibly have any other definition. the thumping of your heart was definitely louder than the thud that had startled you before.

the man looked like he was around your age or slightly older.

"yes?" he said in a raspy voice and even though your mouth opened to speak, it felt like your brain had forgotten the concept of language. you stood there in a trance, just admiring the beauty of this specimen as you thanked your roommate jimin for making you move in with him.

"you're cute" was the first thing that came out of your mouth after ages of just standing there and staring at him.

"i'm sorry, what?" he said, a bit taken aback by your blunt behaviour. his reaction seemed to put you out of whichever dreamy world your mind had run to and you suddenly became extremely aware of everything that had transpired.

"oh god, i'm sorry i meant-" you started but felt like there was no justification for what had just happened.

"i'm sorry, that was weird i shouldn't have said that. i mean you are cute yes but i must've sounded weird so i apologise. i don't usually act like this i promise i'm not weird. yeah, that's about it." you finished your mini-rant.

"okay?" he was definitely weirded out by you. nice.

"i am y/n by the way, i live right across from you." you said, the awkward tension in the air making you scratch the back of your neck.

"hello y/n, i am yoongi. if you don't mind i need to get back to work, i have a lot of unpacking to do." he clearly had no interest in having this conversation.

"you need any help? my roommate and i can come over." you still tried. normally you would never do this for someone who was being this cold for no reason but for some reason you felt the undeniable urge to get to know yoongi more.

"no, thank you." he said rather curtly. you watched as he picked up the box and went inside the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him.

you sighed.

it's okay maybe he was just creeped out by the way i reacted, i mean i would be too.

_________

"why are you suddenly baking? i thought you just wanted to work on your commission today?" jimin asked you as you cracked eggs into the mixing bowl.

"i just felt like it." you said trying to not sound like you would explode out of excitement at the thought yoongi tasting your famous vanilla cupcakes.

"you are lying, obviously. y/n why do you even try anymore? i've known you for 17 years now." jimin stated.

"okay fine, i saw yesterday that a guy just moved in the flat across from ours. i thought it would be nice to treat him with some cupcakes. you know, to make him feel welcomed and stuff." you said as you continue to whisk the batter, avoiding jimin's gaze. he was definitely smirking, you could feel mischief radiating from him.

"oh a guy i see." jimin said with a comical tone.

you ignored him and continued pouring the batter in the cupcake moulds, humming a random tune with a smile on your face.

you were positive that you could change yoongi's mind about you even after the lowkey embarrassing first impression you had left on him. you were so baffled by your own behaviour, still not processing how you could act like that. it somewhat frustrated you to think that a man whom you didn't even know could have that kind of an effect on you. you were really not someone who would develop such a big fat crush on a person based on just a 5-minute interaction, especially when the person wasn't even that nice to you.

but now that it had happened and you had accepted eventually that you felt something for yoongi that you hadn't in a long long time before, you were willing to put work into it and see where it took you. you wanted to at least give it a try because you were definitely not one to back down without even trying.

plus as sappy as it sounded even making you cringe in your own head, you had a feeling that yoongi was worth it. it was a very rare gut feeling that seldom came to you, so it would be nice to at least acknowledge it.

you heaved a sigh of content as you finally finished piping the vanilla icing on the last cupcake, sprinkling your rainbow sprinkles on top of all the cupcakes. you packed them in a cute pink box and smiled. you had done a good job on them. you really hoped that yoongi would like them and appreciate your gesture.

you knocked on jimin's door. "i'm coming in, if you were doing anything please cover yourself up", you shouted jokingly as you opened the door. you walked in with your hands covering your eyes.

"come on y/n, i may be an advocate of pleasure but you know i won't be doing it in broad daylight." jimin scoffed and you laughed, removing your hand from eyes.

"yeah yeah, i was playing with you." you said.

"what do you want?" jimin asked as he rolled his eyes at you in a playful manner.

"uh, i was going over to yoongi's house to give him the cupcakes. i was wondering if you wanted to tag along?" you asked with a nervous chuckle. you wanted jimin to come with you because of two reasons. one, you were nervous to go alone after your previous interaction with yoongi and two, you wanted it to seem like it's just his neighbours welcoming him because you did not want to come off too strong on him.

jimin gave you a look. "why do you want me to come? don't you want to spend time alone with your future husband?" he asked.

you scoffed, "jimin please, just come with me." you pleaded, completely ignoring his question and the fact that him calling yoongi your "future husband" made you feel lowkey giddy like a school girl.

jimin exhales a loud dramatic breath as he gets off his bed, "alright, lets go then." he says as he makes his way out of his room. just when you're about to follow his lead he stops and turns around, "but you are treating me to burgers tonight." and you laughing nodding your head, "yeah yeah i'll even get you a milkshake."

you stand behind jimin and let him take the lead as he knocks on yoongi's door. before leaving you told jimin everything about your first encounter with yoongi and how you were kind of into him so that jimin can be your wingman. you don't know why you feel so nervous. it's so unlike your usual confident self. okay yes you're in general a shy person, but when you have eyes on someone you know your game. this somehow feels different.

after knocking twice and a wait of 5 minutes yoongi finally opens the door. "yes?" he asks. you don't think he saw you yet.

"hello, i'm jimin. i live right there" jimin says in his usual cheery manner while pointing towards your apartment's door. yoongi nods at jimin, feeling a bit awkward. "were you busy?" jimin asks.

"uh, no not really. you can come in." yoongi says and jimin smiles as he moves a bit to the side so that you can come in yoongi's view. "great! we just wanted to give you a small welcome present. oh yes, i also brought my roommate along. i think you might already know her." jimin says mischievously. there you were, hid behind jimin's built, standing with a pink box in your hand.

"hi, yoongi" you greet him shyly with a smile on your face and a dreamy look in your eyes. if jimin knew it couldn't be real, he could swear he saw actual hearts in place of your eyes. "hello, y/n was it?" yoongi says and you nod. yoongi pushes the door completely open and steps aside so that you both can come in.

once you're all in the living room, you hand yoongi the box of cupcakes, "i made these for you. you know as a welcome-to-the-neighbourhood-gift. i hope you like them. nothing weird i promise." you speak too fast, nervously. you were too jittery around him, feeling like you didn't know what to do with yourself. yoongi chuckles lightly as he takes the box, "thank you, you didn't have to." a wide grin made its way onto your face as he took the box from your hands, his fingers slightly grazing yours in the process.

yoongi then proceeded to welcome you guys to his new abode with warm and strangely comforting hot chocolates which he claimed was his "special" secret recipe. as all three of you sat together drinking the delicious concoction and chatting you gradually got more comfortable and didn't feel as nervous around him as you were earlier. by the time you had finished your drinks it had started to feel as if you've known yoongi for years. you learned that yoongi was actually a very successful producer who had worked with some quite well-known musicians and surprisingly his studio was fairly close to the cafe you worked at. during the conversation yoongi managed to also slip in that he rapped a little here and there which made him all the more sexy to you. as you discovered the kind of person yoongi was more, you felt a sense of relief was over you considering that the person you were crushing on was not some asshole you would be majorly disappointed by.

after hanging around for a good amount of time jimin decided to put his wingman-ship into work and suddenly got up, "oh, looks like i'm needed at the dance studio. just got a text from hoseok, but y/n you can stay here and hang out with yoongi some more." he says as he stands up from his seat pretending to look at his phone as if he just received a text. he gives a look that says time to shine kiddo, get to work.

you stare at him pleading with your eyes for him to not leave you alone with yoongi because you're not ready yet but the way he completely ignores it tells you that he's not having it. before you can say anything yoongi beats you to it, "oh alright. be sure to send me the number of that plumber you were talking about. y/n do you wanna have stew for dinner? i had made some earlier today." he asks you casually as jimin makes an exit after he says his farewell. you nod quietly saying a "sure."

both you and yoongi are sat at the dining table eating the best stew you've ever had in your life. bonus point. yoongi is literally leaving no room for you to question your crush on him. from what you've learnt today, he's a kind, slightly awkward with expressing but an overall sensitive man who is in love with music, likes to cook and is excellent at it, is beautiful with his words when he talks about his passions and has a very philosophical look towards life in general. on top of that he is extremely handsome, takes care of himself and has amazing-looking hands. how can you stop yourself from falling for this man.

"so.." you started, "i wanted to apologise for what happened yesterday. i'm really not like how i must've come across then. it's embarrassing." you said while looking down at your bowl unable to keep your gaze at yoongi for too long. you then proceeded to explain to him why exactly you had approached him in the first place and everything that happened before it. he listened to everything intently and then laughed, "it's all good y/n don't worry about it. i'm not going to lie, i was a bit taken aback but that's because i am somewhat of a socially awkward being and i didn't know how to react. oh, and i apologise for ruining your work and i'm glad you were able to save it." he says.

"yeah, about what i said yesterday." you made sure your voice was stable and your stance confident as you internally built up the courage to say it, "even though i agree i came on too strong, i did mean what i said. i do find you cute." you chuckled nervously and continued speaking when he didn't say anything, "and hanging out with you today somewhat solidified my teensy tiny crush on you. i do understand that we literally just met and are more or less complete strangers but i just want to put it out there that i would like to see where this goes. that is, if you're up for it too. no pressure of course, if you're not then that's fine too. i would love if we remain as friends, i think that'll be nice. yeah." you end your rant trying to find any signing of discomfort on his face. you really can't read his expressions.

"i.." he begins but trails off as if he's unsure of what to say and is unsure of what to say. he then clears his throat and said "i am truly flattered y/n. please don't get me wrong, as i've gotten to know you more i've realised what a wonderful and beautiful person you are. inside and out. however, right i really can't say that i feel the same way. i don't really see myself getting in a relationship or working towards it honestly. however, i would like to take you up on the being friends offer for sure. i think you and jimin are very fun people to be around and i really wouldn't want it to be awkward since we're neighbours too." he finished and gave you a look that said he was feeling bad for rejecting you.

you couldn't help but feel disappointed. you were aware that it was just a crush and nothing serious but for some reason it still felt like you shouldn't give up on it. you sighed as you nodded. for the time being you'll take what you can get, even it was just having a platonic relationship with him.

"okay, i understand that and i respect your decision. thank you for letting me stay friends with you. i just want to say that i'll try my best to not make you uncomfortable in any way but at the same time, i kind of also don't wanna give up on my feelings. so i'm going to try and change your mind. the moment you feel like i'm overstepping my boundaries and want me to stop, i promise you i will." you said.

he remained quiet for a few moments, as if in deep thought. then he nodded and said, "i highly doubt that you can change my mind honestly. i am really not one for serious romantic relationships and i don't mean it in a hurtful way but i don't think we're compatible like that." he continued,

"but i guess i can't stop you from trying."

------------

over the course of a few months only, yoongi becomes extremely close to you and jimin. especially you. you hang out together, eat meals at each other's places after showing up with no prior information to the other, you show each other your works, him his music and you your art and you both take great interest in the other person, you often even visit his studio with his favourite, decaf iced americano from your cafe which according to him is "his sacred space and not everyone is allowed there". you both basically spend most of your time together.

however, everything remained platonic. from yoongi's side at least. not you though, definitely not you. initially even though you had said that you would try and change his mind, it hadn't held much weight to it because your feelings then were a 100% not as strong as they were now. during the last seven-eight months, your feelings for the man had grown stronger and it was all because of him, himself.

you won't lie, you confessed your feelings for him every chance you would get. sometimes in a joking manner when you would want him to be flustered in the middle of banter because you loved it when he had no smart comeback. and sometimes in all seriousness, when you couldn't help but feel that his kind gestures toward you were more than just friendly kind gestures. and it's really not like you were just after him for no reason. you had more self-respect than that.

but believe it or not, there was something. the way he cared for you, not through words of affection but through small acts of service; randomly tucking a strand of hair, that would be bothering you while you were painting but you would be too focused to do anything about it, behind your ear. or bringing you skittles whenever he made a trip to the grocery store because he knew how much you like that candy. or cooking your favourite food when you and jimin would go over for dinner (the times you actually didn't show up unannounced). or when he would randomly make you snacks while you were busy watching and crying over your romantic dramas. or making just you try his new favourite brand of whiskey whenever he got a bottle to add to his collection. he always asked you to make your cupcakes for those sessions, apparently they went really well with whiskey. clearly, it really didn't seem like someone would do them for just a friend.

and you would think that all of this was just in your head but jimin felt it too and you trust jimin. he wouldn't lie to you or give heed to your delusions if he wasn't sensing it as well. but still, every time you brought it up yoongi would reject you straight away, talking about how he cared for you but wasn't interested in you like that. it definitely always left you feeling down but you were not ready to give up just yet. your feelings for him were far too serious for you to back down now. if anything, you would say that you might actually be in love with him.

you sigh as you reach the door to yoongi's studio with one iced americano, one vanilla iced coffee and a paper bag containing two chicken sandwiches. you had come here during your lunch break because he had texted you beforehand to drop by. he opened the door for you greeting you with a "hey" and a quick pat on your head, something he had started doing to often supposedly out of "platonic" endearment. you entered the room and sat down on the couch, placing the food and drinks on the table in front of you while yoongi came and sat down beside you, leaving more space in between than was required.

you both conversed normally while you had your food, talking about how each of your day had been, what you both had been working on lately in terms of painting and music and how fun it had been the night before when you went to that bar where there's always amazing live music. once you were done eating your food, you just sat there in comfortable silence scrolling through instagram on your phone when yoongi suddenly cleared his throat as if he had something to say.

you looked up from your phone and realised that he had an almost nervous expression on his face. "you want to tell me something, yoons?" you asked out of curiosity and to give him a push since he was clearly struggling to say it. he took a deep breath and said, "yeah i wanted to talk to you about something." you nodded, indicating him to continue.

"so, haewon is coming to town for a short while for work and she's going to be staying at my place. she doesn't have anywhere else to stay and there's apparently a coworker who's been hitting on her in a very creepy way and he's coming along so she doesn't wanna stay at the hotel, it feels unsafe. it doesn't really mean anything. i just wanted to let you know." yoongi didn't know why he was explaning himself to you. i'm just trying to protect her feelings nothing else, he thought.

you nodded slowly as you processed the information he had just given you. you didn't understand either why he was telling you all this either. haewon was yoongi's ex. the only serious girlfriend he had ever had in his life. from whatever he told you during one of your whiskey-tasting sessions, they had a pretty nice and healthy relationship and only had to break up because haewon had to move overseas with her family after her dad got a transfer in his job. according to him, he was pretty distraught after she had left. they tried to make it work but long distance was too hard. eventually they gave up and worked on moving on instead. yoongi was in too deep apparently because he lost interest in serious relationships entirely after her. and now she was back, for a short time yes but you still felt uncomfortable.

you surely didn't enjoy thinking about how they were going to be living under the same roof for however long but what could you do. yoongi and you were just friends, nothing more. you had no say in this because it wasn't your place to have an opinion about it. it really sucked, you were upset to say the least and the fact that you couldn't even do anything about it made it all the more frustrating.

yet you chose to seem calm, "oh, that's nice. you must be excited." you said, trying to act like it didn't bother you. "y/n, you can express yourself even if you don't like the idea. i won't mind." yoongi said. he would never admit it, even to himself but somewhere deep down he wanted you to tell him that you hated the idea.

"i mean, it's really not place to tell you what to do yoongi. i like you yes but i would never want to impose it on you like that or make you uncomfortable. you've made it pretty clear that whatever we have is platonic and i respect that. i cannot have a problem with haewon staying at your place and so i don't have a problem with it." you said. why were you like this? why do you like torturing yourself by trying to be a good human being?

yoongi nodded. he hadn't expected you to make a scene or anything but he also hadn't expected to be so calm about it. he was slightly surprised by your answer but felt relieved too that he had finally talked to you about it.

"okay then, great. now, do you wanna listen to this beat i've been working on?" he said, wanting to change the topic without any further discussion on it.

"sure, let's hear it." you said.

------------

"hello, i'm haewon. it's great to finally meeting you, i've heard so much about you." the beautiful girl says in a cheerful tone. she literally looked like she stepped right out of a vogue cover page.

"hey, i'm y/n. nice to meet you too." you said awkwardly smile at her. you were intimidated by her unquestionably. it wasn't because she was some rude woman who was too full of herself, but rather because she was perfect. she was kind, beautiful and apparently very intelligent. you were certainly all for successful women but you also lowkey wished that she was not a nice person. it was selfish of you yes, you acknowledged that but it is what it is.

you and jimin were currently at yoongi's apartment. he had called you over to meet haewon and to have dinner with them. you didn't want to go, but of course you were incapable of saying no to the man so here you were. however, you made sure to make yourself as invisible as it would be possible in a crowd of only four people. you were not really doing good with the fact that they were going to be sleeping in the same house tonight. before she had come, you were gaslighting yourself into thinking that it wasn't going to happen. but now that she was here, you had no "gaslighting oneself" to hide behind and the feeling was without a doubt not a nice one.

all four of you were sitting at the dining table, eating the pesto spaghetti (your favourite) and steak yoongi had cooked. you were sitting beside jimin, with yoongi right across from you and haewon beside him. when you looked at them, observed their mannerisms, you could tell that they used to be romantically involved. they seem so comfortable around each other, as if sitting and having dinner together is like second nature to them. it left a bitter taste in your mouth when you realised that surely, they do look really good together.

"yoongi, this pasta is delicious. ah, i love pesto so much. it's my favourite." haewon complimented and yoongi smiled nodding in acknowledgment. oh. so the pasta was made because it was her favourite, not yours. you knew you shouldn't have been feeling this jealous but you really couldn't help it. you were feeling petty enough to throw your glass of wine at her. ugh, if only you weren't a better person that that.

"oh nice, you both have something in common. y/n also really enjoys pesto haewon. it's her favourite too." jimin said and you glared at him. what was he trying to do?

"oh yes, i know. yoongi mentioned it while he was making it. same pinch y/n!" haewon exclaimed as she laughed. you looked at yoongi and a smile creeped up to your face. he was looking down, his face clearly red because of what haewon had said. so, he did in fact make it because of you. "so how long are you here for haewon?" jimin asked.

"oh, not too long. only three days." she said. three days felt long enough to you. any longer and you might lose it.

"oh, then we should definitely go out tomorrow. i know this club that recently opened up and obviously i know someone who can get us in the VIP section. do you guys wanna check it out?" jimin asked and haewon nods excitedly, "yes please, i get free from work at 6. i would love to go out before i leave day after tomorrow." she said. yoongi also said yes.

they then look at you, you didn't really want to go to be very honest. you wanted as less interaction with both yoongi and haewon as possible during these three days but the pressure from all three of them made you break, "okay yeah, let's go." you said, sighing when jimin and haewon cheered. you noticed the way she casually patted yoongi's arm, excited about going out tomorrow. these three days are definitely going to be long.

being the slow eater you were, you had been the last one to finish your food. so, you went inside the kitchen to keep your plate in the sink to find yoongi there cleaning up the messy counter. god knows how much you didn't want to be alone with him right now. you slowly walked towards the sink and kept your plate inside and turned around only to find yoongi standing behind you, strangely closer than he usually would.

"you have been unusually quiet tonight." he said, a statement and question both residing in his sentence. you shake your head, "i don't know what you're talking about, no i'm not." you look everywhere but in his eyes. "come on y/n, are you seriously trying to lie to me?" he asked. he knew why you had been acting that way but just because he knew didn't mean he liked it.

you sighed, "i'm just tired yoongi. it has been a long day." you said. he immediately noticed how you used his actual name instead of calling him "yoons" like you normally would. he didn't like that either. "look y/n-" he started but got cut off by haewon's voice, "yoons, do you know where my lens solution is kept?"

fuck, she called me yoons, yoongi thought as he continued to look at you. he noticed your expression turning sour momentarily but then returning back to normal.

"uh, it's getting pretty late and i feel sleepy too. thank you for the dinner yoongi it was amazing and it was really nice to meet you haewon. see you guys tomorrow." you quickly said as you slipped out from the little space yoongi had left for you to stand in and made your way out of the kitchen. "y/n wai-" you didn't wait for him to finish as you hurriedly usher jimin and yourself out the main door.

"is everything okay?" haewon asked, confused.

yoongi sighed, "yes don't worry. your lens solution is in the second drawer in the bathroom."

-------------

the next day goes by fairly faster than you expected or would want it to. evening arrived and it was finally time for you to start getting ready. after going through the whole of your closet you finally picked a baby pink dress with sheer net sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. it ended right at your mid-thigh and hugged your body perfectly. you paired it with your pink stelatoes and a mini silver purse. you did your make up, going with a fully pink eye look and a natural redish-pink tint for your lips.

you finished getting ready right on time as you opened your door to find jimin standing right there, seemingly about to knock on it. when he saw you his eyes widened, “my girl, you look hot. you’re definitely out to get yoongi tonight.” he said and then whistled. you blushed slightly and said, “thanks dude. you look pretty too.” as you patted his shoulder lightly. you both were having a casual conversation as you made your way out of your apartment, and towards yoongi’s.

jimin knocked on the door with you standing behind him and it reminded you of the first time you had come to visit his place with jimin. you smiled at the memory but were not given enough time to reminisce, your train of thoughts coming to an abrupt halt as haewon opened the door. you saw her and almost drooled at the sight. she looked amazing in her black pants paired with a fitted black crop top.

“hey guys! come in, yoongi’s just in his room.” she said in her usual cheery tone. you said your greetings as you made your way inside the apartment. “yoongi got a bit late at his studio, he just came back home like 30-40 minutes ago. he said he’ll get ready quickly.” she explained. you didn’t like how much of a domestic vibe they were giving. you just had to endure it tonight. things will go back to normal once haewon leaves tomorrow.

but what normal though? the same kind of normal that had been in existence since ever since you met yoongi. where you pined for him while he didn’t think of you as anything more than maybe a best friend. you couldn’t lie to yourself anymore, you were getting tired of it now. slowly but surely.

before you could fall any further into the mental pit of self pity you had created you heard yoongi’s door open and you turned around to find him standing there, looking more handsome than ever to an extent that you didn’t think was possible. he was wearing a greyish-black button down, tucked inside black pants, sleeves rolled. you were almost drooling at the sight and felt like he had put you in trance. so much so that you failed to notice how his attention was entirely on you and his condition more or less same as you too.

jimin, however, noticed and decided to ask yoongi, “doesn’t y/n look amazing today yoongi?” putting him out of whatever transfixion he was under.

he cleared his throat and looked around, visibly trying to gain his composure back. “you look very nice y/n. uh, i need to go get my phone from my room.” he said almost too quickly, looking around frantically as if to find something else he could put his focus on. his phone was certainly in his hand. he turned around and ran inside his room shutting the door behind him, almost hitting the wall beside his door on his way in.

you all just stood there, speechless from what had just occurred. yoongi’s reaction reminded you of yourself a little bit from the time you had first met him. he seemed so flustered to see you, it almost made you believe that he might be into you afterall. you tried not to but still couldn’t stop yourself from getting a bit excited and feeling a little giddy at the thought and that made you break into a smile. maybe things could turn in your favour soon if yoongi realises that he’s attracted to you in a romantic way.

the three of you waited for ten more minutes, making a small conversation and just when haewon was about to knock on the door yoongi came out of his room again. this time calmer and more composed than before. “sorry i had to use the washroom once before leaving. had a lot of water today.” he let out a nervous laugh. you and jimin gave each other a look at that which clearly said this man was in there taking care of something else.

“alright, let’s go. we’re already getting late.” jimin said hurrying all of you out of the main door but not before throwing a sneaky wink at you to which you shake your head, laughing silently.

all of you soon reached the club jimin had planned on taking you to. true to his words, it wasn’t that far from your apartments. merely a fifteen minute drive at most. the VIP section of the club was definitely much better than the general section that you had to pass through to get there. it was much less crowded, there were private booths where you could sit and have drinks, and a common dance floor where you could actually breath unlike the general dance floor where there was literally no space between the sweaty bodies of the people dancing.

you all find a nice secluded booth and sit down, the seating arrangement same as the night before at the dinner. “alright guys, i’ll go to the bar and get a tab open for our table, what would you guys like to drink?” jimin asked as he got up. yoongi went with his usual order of whiskey, haewon asked for a dirty margarita and you asked him to get the most bright and sugary but strong cocktail he could possibly find.

soon after, jimin came back with the drinks everyone had asked for. you curiously looked at the drink he had gotten you. it was a bright gradient of yellow to red residing in a straight tall glass, topped with a swirly straw and a tiny blue paper umbrella. "what's this?" you asked jimin, satisfied with the visuals of the cocktail so far. jimin was well-versed in your taste so you trusted your choice. "it's a tequila sunrise. try it." jimin said. you brought the straw to your mouth and took a sip. the drink was just what you wanted. sweet and tangy flavour of orange mixed with just a hint of tequila. it was refreshing. you smiled in content and nodded at jimin giving him a thumbs up, indicating that you approved of the drink.

meanwhile, yoongi sat there, observing the exchange between you and jimin. a question suddenly popped up in his brain, "i thought you were into hard liquors like whiskey?" he asked you, raising an eyebrow. jimin laughed and shook his head, "come on yoongi, look at y/n. do you think this walking rainbow would drink anything but drinks that look her entire personality?" he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. you looked down, not knowing what to say. you had been caught. not that it was a very big deal, but you were actually never a fan of hard liquor. it made your throat burn too much and you didn't enjoy the feeling.

but when you witnessed yoongi talk about his love for whiskey and his interest in the alcohol, you could not help but lie to him about how you liked it too. just so you could be a part of one of his joys in life. you loved how he got so excited whenever he used to buy a new bottle of a brand he had been wanting to try for a while. you loved his passion for it. you found it endearing that he didn't just drink it because it's alcohol but that he went as far as to research everything about it. and so, you learned to enjoy it too. not to be too dramatic about it, you didn't make a sacrifice or anything. you just developed a liking for it as time went by. just like you did with yoongi.

"i like it now. i used to not be a fan of it before though." you said just loud enough so that everyone at the table can hear you. jimin laughed unaware of the tension that had built up in the room, "y/n please, you gag at even the smell of whiskey." he said.

"if you didn't like it, you could've just told me, why did you force yourself to like it?" yoongi asked with just a tinge of harshness. he had been left a little stunned. he knew you had feelings for him, but he thought it was just a fun little crush. this was not pointing towards that. had he been too comfortable with you showering your love at him all the time to even notice?

to any third person this whole ordeal would not seem like a very big deal, but in case of yoongi, it had forced him to get in touch with some feelings he was definitely not ready for. this small realisation led his mind to wander off to all the things you do for him that a person would only do for someone they loved. he began to feel like the air was too stuffy. before you could reply to his question he got up, muttered a quick 'i need some fresh air' and left. you were just about to go check on him when haewon got up and went after him.

you slumped back in your seat with a sigh as you watched her leave. you were confused. why was yoongi suddenly acting like this? you had always been so vocal about how you felt for him, so why was this a surprise for him? lately you had been feeling too overwhelmed by your feelings. the fact that the person who you loved, didn't actually feel the same for had been starting to get to you and haewon coming and staying with yoongi had not helped the matters either, and now this. it was a lot.

jimin too had been left puzzled by what had just occurred, but he was aware enough to know one thing, "y/n why are you sitting here? go after him." he said. lately he really felt like everything he said was something very obvious but everyone around him was stupid. “haewon already went, i don’t want to intrude.” you were visibly upset.

“all this time you have been in his face with all your love and now that it’s finally hitting him too you’re going to back down? haewon has got nothing on you, her and yoongi are history and there’s nothing between them anymore and plus, she’s leaving tomorrow. i won’t repeat it thrice y/n, go!” he said.

jimin saying this much was enough for you to come back to your form. it was all or nothing, you had to try at least once more. you smiled and nodded. “okay, i’m going. i love you, you’re the best.” you gave him a hug, making him laugh as he patted your back. you quickly got up from your seat and sprinted out of the club, eyes searching for him.

it was dark outside so you couldn’t see properly but after looking around for a minute or two you finally spot a silhouette. you walk towards it, squinting your eyes to see better. as you get closer you realise that it is yoongi indeed, however, he’s not alone. haewon is with him, you had expected that. what you hadn’t expected was that you would find them standing there talking with their arms around each other.

your stance almost faltered and you were ready to turn around and leave but you stopped yourself. all or nothing y/n, all or nothing, you reminded yourself. you walked up to them, the sound of your steps making them aware of your presence. they turned to look at you and let go of each other quickly creating a gap between themselves.

“yoongi can i speak to you please?” you said, you didn’t know why but you already felt this overwhelmed. yoongi nods, avoiding eye contact with you. “i’m sorry haewon, but can you please give us a moment?” you asked her as politely as possible. she nodded and went inside the club.

“yeah?” yoongi asked.

you took a deep breath, “i’m sorry, yoongi. i told you i would not cross line if you didn’t want me to but i cannot help it anymore. it is not just a crush anymore. i have fallen in love with you. i thought i would be able to handle it and trust me i tried, i really tried to keep it to myself but i can't anymore. it is getting too much. i hated it when you told me that haewon was going to be staying with you. i hated that you two sat beside each other yesterday, looking better together than ever. i hated it when she came after you today and i hated the way you were holding her just now. even after all of this i don't know why but i still feel like i might have a chance. so i ask of you to tell me one last time, that you don't want me. i promise i'll not bother you after that."

your confession was too much for yoongi. everything was too much for him right now. he was drowning in waves of emotions. he felt suffocated. he felt like he had to scream on top of his lungs. but most of all he felt scared and his fear made him act so unlike himself, even he was surprised at his own reaction to your words.

"y/n how many times do i have to tell you? i don't love you like that. i always try to be respectful towards your feelings because i care for you a lot as a friend but you get so overbearing. it's too much. haewon is my friend, so what if she was staying at my house? i don't think you are in a place where you can question that. you say that you don't want to cross boundaries yet i always find you doing it. please get it in your head that i. don't. like. you. and leave it be already." he snapped. unfortunately the relief he had thought would finally wash over him after the release of his emotions never came. and what made the matter worse was the look on your face.

you looked so defeated and heartbroken, it made yoongi want to punch himself in the gut repeatedly. but then, you laughed. it wasn't your usual laugh of joy that held the power to instantly brighten anyone's day up. it was a laugh of pain and pity and yoongi hated the sound of it.

before he could even open his mouth to apologise and say that he didn't mean to be that rude with his words, you said, "thank you. i think i needed that reality check. i don't know why i had been torturing you and myself. i am very sorry for putting you in a tough spot all the time. i'll stop now, i promise. i'll try my best to move on. however, i would like for us to have some time apart. i don't think i can continue to be friends with you as i try to get past my feelings. i'll come back though, once i think i'm at a place where i can offer you nothing but a platonic friendship, i'll reach out to you. till then, please don't try to contact me."

yoongi still didn't know how he was feeling. he just knew that he regretted speaking to you like that. but he knew that at that moment the best option was to let you go and so he just nodded while looking down, not being able to bring himself to look up and see the broken expression on your face.

he didn't even look up when he heard your footsteps walking away. he didn't have it in him to watch you leave. yes, he wasn't sure of his feelings and he was scared, but he still thought of you as someone who was a huge part of his life. he didn't know how he was going to survive now that this part had gone missing. he really didn't know.

you walked inside the club, tears in your eyes. jimin and haewon were still sat at the booth, having a casual chat. you slowly walked up to them, the strength to do anything leaving your body rapidly. jimin noticed your arrival and looked up, his face instantly etching with concern. he got up rushing to your side, "y/n my love, are you okay?" he said taking your face in his hands, his thumb wiping away a tear that had fallen.

"please take me home, jimin."

---------

it had been a month since the night you had gone to the club. you were getting better at dealing with everything day by day. the initial one week you were completely distraught. you didn't eat, couldn't sleep and most of all, you couldn't find any inspiration to paint. you just laid in bed all day, rotting away in sadness. jimin tried to give you space to grieve at first. but then when he saw how much it had affected your mental and physical well-being, he decided that it was time for him to step in.

he started his three-step plan. first step was to get you out of bed. he started forcing you to hang out with him. he made you sit in the living room and binge dramas with him. he had to stray away from your usual favourite romantic dramas though because as soon as he played the first episode of strong girl do bong soon, thinking that your comfort show would make you feel better you started bawling your eyes out.

even so, after successfully getting you out of bed, he knew it was time for him to get you to start eating. he stocked up the entire pantry with all your favourite snacks. little by little he made you eat. he gave you words of motivation. telling you how he was here for you.

eventually, you started having your meals again. the next and the final step was to help you get inspiration back. that step however was still an ongoing process. even though you had been working on getting your life back on track and moving on from your unrequited love, emotional and mental healing was still a long process that could only be achieved through patience and baby steps.

no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get over your feelings for yoongi. you had definitely gotten better in dealing with them but letting go of them completely seemed almost impossible. you found out from jimin that haewon and yoongi were only hugging each other that day because yoongi had had a panic attack and she was trying to calm him down. you felt guilty that you hadn't known about it but you couldn't do anything about it now. you know you told him that you would only go to him after you had moved on but not seeing him or talking to him was the hardest thing you ever had to do in your life. it felt like the essence of life was being taken away from you.

there were countless number of times you stopped yourself from texting him and even more times where you saw him from afar entering or exiting his apartment but turned the other way before he could notice you. you often also tortured yourself by wondering if he was regretting that night. did he miss you as much as you missed him? did he mean it when he said he didn't love you?

did he really mean it?

----------

yoongi hated himself.

the past one month had felt like pure torture to him. he felt as in the universe had become set in making him feel pure agony. except it was the universe, it was himself.

he was the reason for his own doom. him and his fears were the reason why you weren't in his life anymore. he missed you like crazy. he couldn't believe that it took you leaving his life for to realise what an idiot he had been. the night you told him you would "move on" made him want to kick himself.

after you left that night, yoongi went home thinking that it was for the best. he expected himself to feel lighter now that you weren't constantly there, reminding him of how much you liked him. he expected that he would miss you as a friend of course, but he didn't expect himself to go crazy constantly thinking about you.

everything around him reminded him of you. he couldn't cook food without thinking of all the times he cooked for you, watching you eat in pure delight always made him feel the highest form of delight. he couldn't work on his music without your face coming to his mind reminding him of how you always showed interest in his work. he missed how you always just sat on his studio's couch, giving him his space to work but also stealing glances when you thought he wasn't looking. most of all he couldn't even drink alcohol to make himself forget because even his bottle of whiskey brought you to his mind instantly. he missed showing his newly collected bottles to you. he missed pairing his whiskey with your vanilla cupcakes. he just simply missed you.

it took him two weeks after the night at the club to realise that he was a stupid asshole who was definitely in love with you. he realised it when it got difficult for him to even breathe without you. he regretted all the times he had rejected your feelings.

but by then, he felt like it was too late. he had been a jerk to you that night. he could not erase from his mind, the look on your face when he rejected you in such a harsh manner. he felt like the worst human being on planet earth for hurting you like that, you didn't deserve to be treated that way. if he could, he would give anything to go back in time and redo everything.

he wreathed in his regret and sadness everyday. until one day, he ran into jimin at the entrance of the apartment building.

"hey" he said nervously.

"hello yoongi" jimin replied curtly. yoongi felt like this was his chance, maybe he could somewhat fix things. "jimin, i know you probably want to kill me and rightfully so. i am a complete dickhead and i deserve every bit of anger you have at me. but can we please talk? i really need to tell you something." yoongi said as he looked at him with pleading eyes.

jimin exhaled loudly, "what do you want, yoongi?" he asked.

"jimin, i love her." yoongi admitted and watched as jimin's eyes widened with surprise. he continued, "i genuinely love her and i feel like an idiot that it took her leaving for me to realise my true feelings. i think i always knew somewhere that what i feel for y/n is way more than just friends and it scared me. i didn't want her to leave like haewon did but what i didn't realise that i was gonna lose her either way. i guess i thought that by staying friends we would be in each other's lives for a long time and even if one of us leaves, it wouldn't hurt as bad." he sighed and said, "but oh boy, was i wrong. when she left, i didn't know what to do with myself. everything around me made me think of her. i missed her like crazy and it made me realise how in love i am with her. i've only known her for less than a year now but i can't imagine living a life without her. and i want to tell her all this but i feel like its too late now. i don't know what to do." he finished. he was almost crying by the time he stopped speaking.

"you really mean that?" he hadn't heard your voice in quite a while now and it came to him like a warm hug on a cold rainy day.

he turned around to see that you were standing there, right inside the entrance of the building. the reason jimin was at the entrance of the building was because he was waiting there for you. he had come to pick you up after dance studio because you and him were supposed to check out this new cafe that had just opened up in your neighbourhood.

"uh, i guess i'll leave you two to talk. y/n, i'm waiting upstairs. call me if you need anything." jimin said and patted your shoulder lightly as he made his way inside the building, leaving you alone with yoongi.

"so you really meant what you said?" you asked again after jimin had left. yoongi just looked at you for a few moments, taking in your beauty and the fact that you were actually there right in front of him.

he eventually nodded, "yes, i really do y/n. i love you." he said.

"why now, yoongi? why not when i repeatedly told you i liked you? why now, after you yourself had told me you didn't want me? why now when i'm finally trying to move on? don't you think that's very cruel of you?" you asked him. you didn't know how to feel about this.

"i know, i am so sorry y/n. i am so sorry about everything. i am the biggest jerk ever. i know i don't even deserve your forgiveness. but still, you didn't give up on me until i made you and i regret it so much. so, i won't give up on you either. i will work for your forgiveness. and if you decide one day that you don't want anything to do with me, i'll accept that too. just please let me at least try to win you back." yoongi was almost begging for forgiveness at this point.

you stood there deep in thought for a few moments, "you really do love me?" you asked.

"yes i love you. i am utterly and hopelessly in love with you." yoongi said desperately.

"then prove it." you said walking up to him. you closed the gap between him. yoongi immediately took the cue and wrapped one arm around your waist while the other hand cupped your face as he crashed his lips onto yours. the kiss started off slow but as he deepened it, you could feel his love and passion. he was kissing you like it was the last time he could do it. like he was hanging on to you for his life. it was the best kiss you had ever had in your life.

when there was no longer any space to breathe you broke the kiss, pulling away from him slightly. both of you were panting heavily. he still held you close to him, as if you would vanish the moment he lets go of you.

"yoongi, i hope you know that it's going take me some time to come around again. you've caused me too much pain for me to just forget all about it just like that." you said and yoongi nodded, "i'm more than willing to work things out y/n. i'm willing to wait for you. i love you more than anything and i'm ready to take it slow." he said.

your face broke into a bright smile and you nodded as you said, "i love you too, yoons."

------------------------------------------------------------

hope you enjoyed!! xxx

156 notes · View notes

experimentalfma · 1 month ago

Text

Her accent wasn't one that he was familiar with, so it took a brief moment longer to process it than the English he'd heard in classes back in Germany or in American movies he'd seen. It helped that she chose simpler words and wasn't speaking quickly. In a way, it was a relief that she was foreign, too. She would likely be more forgiving of mispronunciation or a pause to search for the right word.

She seemed nervous, maybe even more than he was, though considering everything here was new and unfamiliar, he could understand how a stranger approaching and trying to start a conversation in a language both of them were still learning could be a bit nerve-wracking. Though she didn't seem uncomfortable with him being there if her acceptance of letting him sit with her was any indication. So he'd just try to keep up a friendly smile and see if it helped settle them both down.

That she was willing to take a chance on leading the conversation further even if she spoke a bit haltingly was encouraging. "I'm from Munich. Ah...Germany," he added, unsure which cities people outside of his country would be familiar with. Though it felt strange to call his homeland a name so different than his mother tongue. It was something he was going to have to get used to considering the likelihood that people were going to continue to ask.

"I'm Alfons." He automatically reached his hand over the table in an offer to shake when he introduced himself but paused halfway and drew it back with a sheepish grin. "Sorry, you don't do it that way in Japan, right?" He didn't know much about Japanese customs, but as far as he knew, a handshake wasn't one of them. Something like that probably wouldn't help with her nerves.

Quickly trying to think of a way to salvage the conversation, he let his gaze drift down to the papers she'd left on the table. Immediately, his eyes lit up at the sight of the familiar formulas, and his smile was much more genuine when he looked back up at her face. He was in a different chemistry class than her, but he easily recognized the diagrams as part of one of his most passionate subjects.

"Is that today's chemistry assignment? Do you like it? I have to look up some of the words sometimes, but these are still the same." He pointed to the closest diagram.

Haruko was spending her lunchtime bent over her chemistry assignment. In a way, she was happy chemistry didn't bring her the same challenge of language barrier as many other subjects did during that exchange year, but it didn't make it any less pleasant either. She frowned at the formulas, trying to make sense of atoms and bonds. She was so lost in it she took a while before realising someone was talking to her.

She looked up -- a blonde guy was talking to her, likely another foreign student. It was the accent, it wasn't the same as the local American one... And for a few instants, Haruko looked at him, lost, processing his words. Finally, after an initial lag, her brain scanned the syllables, making sense of what he said. Ah, yes -- he was asking to sit with her.

She answered a nod, still hesitant to speak in English. She knew her accent was thick, people had pointed out at it already. And well... At least this boy's accent was very present too. In a way, it was a relief -- he likely was not going to make fun of her. But then, would he understand her...?

She nodded again at the question about whether she too was a new student. She nipped at her lip, giving the boy a hesitant look. But there was no point in avoiding talking, was there? She was there to learn another language after all.

"I am," she murmured. "New, yes." Short words made it easier. "This school is... Very big, it's true," she added, giving a vague gesture around and glancing at the tall ceiling at the cafeteria.

Her eyes went back to the boy in front of her. He also didn't look American... But she wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because he looked a bit paler than the local students, despite sharing the same light hair as many of them.

She rummaged in the back of her mind for the right formulation of what she was about to ask him.

"Where are you... From?" She said hesitantly. Then brough a hand to her chest. "I'm Japanese," she said. "My name is Haruko."

#tsukuharuko

8 notes · View notes

gerudospiriit · 2 years ago

Text

Headcanon: Gerudo Hierarchy

Just a few points I want to reiterate about my own personal HCs about how the Gerudo operate and Nabooru in general because it's been on my mind the last few days. Might be repeats for some of you, but it's been a good while since I've been here, and I might have some fresh takes to add to old ideas. I also just think it's important to have on file so to speak so people better know where I'm coming from with my portrayal of Best Girl(tm).

☀ We'll start it off with a maybe spicy take: I really didn't like that they made the Gerudo basically a monarchy in which the role of chief is based on a bloodline. Outside of it clashing with the HCs I had before Breath of the Wild even came out, it just...doesn't make sense to me personally and leaves us so many questions. The whole male born every century becoming king was bad enough, and I don't feel this was a step in a better direction for the Gerudo. Thus, this will not be the case for the Gerudo on my blog.

My headcanon has always been that the leader (though I will probably go ahead and adopt the title "Chief" to be in line with at least the naming conventions) outside of the one male thing (which I think I've mentioned my HC on that, too, but maybe I'll hit on that while we're here), was chosen more or less on merit. For the Gerudo, that often means their prowess as a warrior as a top indicator, along with other measurements such as their capacity as a potential leader, their intelligence, and their devotion to the goals of the tribe in general to name a few considerations. In other words, one woman wasn't named chief and then her daughter was immediately handed the title when the current chief passed or stepped down. Instead, another would be selected by the Gerudo Elite, which is basically the top council of the Gerudo and the governing body just beneath the king/chief.

☀ Due to some issues arising from the singular male being automatically crowned king, the Gerudo eventually adopted a series of tests and challenges--physical, mental, and intellectual--that the prince would need to successfully and adequately complete to actually be crowned. If they fail, the top leadership role remains in the hands of the current chief. The prince is allowed to continue his training to eventually attain the crown, but, if they aren't able to live up to the standards set by the Gerudo by adulthood (so like late teens to early 20s, probably), faith in him as a leader might not be stellar.

☀ The Gerudo second in command is hand chosen by the chief or king themselves. While there usually isn't any kind of challenge or special vetting process for this selection, as the crowned king or chief is usually already trusted to make that decision, due to the whispers of favoritism from other Gerudo, Nabooru insisted that a series of tests were also established to decide Ganondorf's second in an open invitation, both to shut people up and prove herself to the haters who doubted her.

☀ Nabooru's first priority is ALWAYS the Gerudo. This comes before Hyrule as a whole and before her duties as a sage. It's what drove her to stand against Ganondorf, as she felt his violence against the rest of Hyrule endangered their people who were already in a tenuous position, and will continue to drive her as chief. Plenty of this probably overlaps, but she makes it a point to let Zelda, the Hylian monarchy, and the rest of the sages know that this is the case for full transparency.

☀ Additionally, one of her first diplomatic tasks as leader is to change the language/power dynamic set out in the treaty signed after the Civil War. Due to Hyrule's victory, the language of the treaty suggested "uniting" Hyrule under one banner and one government, i.e. Hyrule's. In no position to bargain, the Gerudo took the deal to end the fighting that, if it continued much longer, would have eventually annhiliated them. After Ganondorf's defeat, Nabooru (and probably the other sages tbh) discuss with Zelda how she wants the Gerudo to maintain their sovereignty as their own nation/government/etc. rather than being forced to swear absolute fealty to the Hylian crown. She assured her that the Gerudo would still aid Hyrule against threats like the one Ganondorf or other bad actors might pose. With time, this is what became the new norm for all the races in Hyrule, and it also began to help relieve the long-held tension between the Gerudo and Hyrule.

☀ Bonus Edit: A Gerudo woman was only ever given the title queen if she married the king. This often placed responsibilities similar to a second in command on her shoulders, but a king could still maintain a true second in command as well. If the king passed, however, the queen was not automatically named chief unless the Elite decided she deserved it. If a king married outside of the Gerudo, the spouse would not be allowed to be called queen or have any governing power whatsoever.

#[ ☀ ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿ ;; ⁱ ʷᵃˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵐᵃᵈᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵃ ᶠⁱʳᵉ ⁱⁿ ᵐʸ ᵇᵉˡˡʸ ˢᵒ ⁱ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵇᵉ ᵖᵘᵗ ᵒᵘᵗ ]#*jazz hands* have my bs #i had to add the last one because i was thinking about it #and how if nabooru had ahem married the bastard man #literally nothing would have changed for her :'D

5 notes · View notes

my-jokes-are-my-armour · 3 years ago

Text

Throw back to the moment I dived into The Amazing Devil.

We all have our TAD moment, right? The moment that catches you. The moment that it goes under your skin, into your core being, innit ?

For me that moment was quite delayed but it got me with full force and I never felt that for any other music groups.

For cinema, I'm quite analytic when I watch something. I enjoy the moment but I can't help to see things behind because I learned to analyze it at school. For music in other languages that's different. I usually get it emotionally first and then I'm going for the lyrics. My approach to TAD was no different.

The day I decided to listen to their music, I was at work, stressed and in a rush. I needed to focus and shield myself from the noise around, in the open space. I was slowly discovering Joey through The Witcher and I had learned that he had a group. I loved his voice, so I just gave it a try. I put some automatic playlist found on youtube and began to listen without listening, and especially not the lyrics. I did my work. Some melodies, patterns and atmospheres were already gaining me, but I didn't pay much attention.

Several days later, same configuration, but I had more brain to give to the listening process. The first thing I noticed was that I couldn't determine what the songs were about. I think I'm quite fluent in english, even if I cannot speak without a strong french accent (that's our bane 😂), but as for the understanding I'm OK. I can understand several accents that I learned traveling through several parts of Great Britain through the years, but there, the accent was not really a problem. I understood some words, sentences, but not the coherence. And work was the priority and I couldn't focus on the songs.

But then I got itchy. What was the music about ? So later I gave it a try at home just like I used to discover music. Calm and attentive. The music caught me first. Some songs dug deep in me even though I still didn't catch the general meaning. I was feeling things deep. I was moved without any context. But I was very reluctant to search for the lyrics. I was like, why the hell don't I understand the meaning ? Am I suddenly forgetting all my english ? It was like a challenge for me. Trying to get what I was missing just by myself.

But even in my quiet den, I couldn't wrap my head around all the lyrics. I got some pieces, and guessed something profound but I was a bit lost. So I chose one of the songs I liked the most just for its intensity and read the lyrics simultaneously. The song was That Unwanted Animal. (Yeah well I didn't know lol...)

By myself, I got almost the first part but when the lyrics became more and more rhythmical (a thing that I adore !) I was lost. Reading at the same time made the fog in my brain lift. By the time I was at "be good to me, be good… no, no, not I", I was shaking, an emotional rug in my bed, and crying without even being sad.

The metaphors had reached my brain in several places simultaneously and I had gone through an emotional journey that I never experienced before. I was like what was that ? Please, someone explain ! How can we use words like that ? In songs…

Then I did all the songs in order, one at the time, reading at the same time to get it all. I had to pause several times because I was emotionally shaken too much. I needed a moment to collect myself to plunge into the next song.

When I finished my straightforward journey, several hours later, my brain and my heart were on fire.

The next day, I was already digging into the lyrics and the music (like all of us 😅), to find all the hidden paths that make me feel so much things.

The only coherent conclusion that I have till now is that Joey and Madeleine invented emotionally time and space bending songs. They tell stories inside stories inside emotions. I can't find the words (in french either, be reassured lol) to explain what I feel when I listen to them.

I love them so much and I cannot thank them enough for giving us those songs.

See you around, 😈 !

#the amazing devil #joey batey #madeleine hyland #that moment is unique #how can words have so much in them ?#what's the magic behind it ?#emotional time and space bending #❤

16 notes · View notes

nerdythebard · 4 years ago

Text

#7: Anubis, God of the Dead

Well, now we've done it, Gods and Goddesses!

In our journey through the deserts of Egypt, we took a detour and found ourselves in the Land of the Dead. Now, we are under the watchful eye of Anubis. This psychopomp shall lead us to the Hall of Two Truths, were our soul will judge itself. Let's take a walk, shall we?

Next Time: I AM THE ETERNAL DRAGON! SPEAK YOUR WISH AND I SHALL GRANT IT! Sudden change of plans, dearies... Next time, we take a look at a strapping young lad who knows a thing or two about yard decorations. He got it from his daddy dearest.

So, what can we do to make Anubis chill our enemies to the bone:

Friends on the Other Side: Anubis has a connection to the spirits of the dead. He can grant them a facsimile of life to act on his behalf, damage and slow enemies in a wide AoE.

Crowd Control: Anubis can call upon a plague of locusts to damage enemies in a cone in front of him, as well as keep foes restrained with mummy bandages.

Death Glare: Anubis's Ultimate is a literal death glare, his sight becomes a piercing beam of necrotic energy heavily damaging enemies in front of him.

---

Anubis's D&D race is a much more difficult case than I first imagined. Now, there is a race called Khenra

which would be a dead-ringer for Anubis, but their stats from the Plane Shift: Amonkhet document is... honestly, it's pretty bad and wouldn't make for a nice build.

Instead, let's take a look at the closest we have to a lycanthrope in player options, the Shifter race. More specifically, the Wildhunt Shifter, who are described to often be "the spiritual leaders of the shifter communities", which I'd say fits Anubis pretty well. As a Shifter, we get +2 Wisdom and +1 Dexterity, 30 feet of walking speed, 60 feet of Darkvision, and our only known language is Common. As a Natural Tracker, we get proficiency in Survival skill, and our key trait is our Shifting ability. As a bonus action, we can assume a more beast-like form (in this case, jackal-like). The transformation lasts for 1 minute/until we die/until we dismiss it as a bonus action. When we shift, we get Temporary Hit Points equal to [our level + Constitution modifier], as well as a feature unique to the type of shifter we choose. Wildhunt Shifters gain an advantage on Wisdom checks while shifted, and no creature within 30 feet of them can impose a disadvantage unless the shifter is incapacitated.

For our background, I think picking Acolyte is the most suitable choice. We get proficiencies with Insight and Religion (to better judge the intentions of a soul) and the Shelter of the Faithful feature, which grants us safety at any temple dedicated to the deity we're the acolyte of (either Kelemvor or Jergal are a good option here).

ABILITY SCORES

Anubis is a light armour caster-type, so we're going to focus on those stats. We will start with Dexterity to pull off that leather armour, and follow it with Wisdom; we must be wise in our judgment, and it's also our spellcasting ability. Constitution is next, as it's pretty important for casters to have decent Hit Points.

The stats on the down-low side of things shall be Intelligence, followed by Charisma, and we shall dump Strength.

CLASS

Yet another pure build. To keep the flow of souls at a steady pace and guide them to Osiris's Halls, Anubis is a Cleric.

As a Cleric, we get the d8 as our Hit Dice, [8 + Constitution modifier] initial Hit Points, proficiencies with light armour, medium armour, shields, and simple weapons. For this I suggest a studded leather armour and a dagger (perhaps like the one Egyptians used in the mummification processes, eh? :D), since this is a primarily spell-heavy build. Our saving throws is Wisdom and Charisma and we get to pick two class skills: let's go for Persuasion and History.

---

Level 1 - Clerics are full-casters, so from the very beginning we get our Spellcasting feature. We know cantrips and ritual casting, and we get access to the entire Cleric spell list, from which we can prepare a number of spells equal to [our Wisdom modifier + our Cleric level]. Starting with cantrips, we get to select three:

Guidance lets us give a creature we touch an extra d4 to their next skill check performed within 1 minute of casting (concentration). Very useful for "skill monkeys" like rogues or bards.

Sacred Flame is a good source of radiant damage. It requires a Dexterity saving throw from a target within 60 feet of us, or results in 1d8 radiant damage (damage increases with our level).

Toll the Dead fits Anubis's theme. Calls the soul for their final judgement. Forces onto them a Wisdom saving throw. On a failed save, the target take 1d8 necrotic damage. If they already have some Hit Points missing, they take 1d12 damage instead.

We start with two 1st-level spell slots and we can prepare four 1st-level spells:

Bless gives up to three creatures of our choice an extra d4 to all attack rolls and saving throws for 1 minute (concentration).

Cure Wounds is THE staple healing spell at lower levels, and it reflects Anubis's theme of preparing and embalming the body for their journey to the afterlife. A creature we touch regains [1d8 + our spellcasting modifier] Hit Points. It doesn't work on undead or constructs.

Guiding Bolt deals 4d6 radiant damage and applies advantage to the next attack roll made against the target (it can be ours or somebody else's).

Sanctuary protects a creature from harm for 1 minute. When attacking somebody who's under the effect of Sanctuary, the attacker must make a Wisdom saving throw or choose a different target.

We're not done with Level 1 features yet, because that is also where Clerics get their subclass, their Divine Domain. There are two official subclasses that mention Anubis by name, but for this build I feel like Grave Domain works best. As a Grave Cleric we get access to some more spells - those are always prepared for us and we don't count them against the number of spells we can prepare:

Bane works similarly to Bless, except the target has to make a Charisma saving throw or subtract 1d4 from each attack roll and saving throw they make for 1 minute (concentration).

False Life transforms necromantic energy into a facsimile of life, giving us 1d4+4 Temporary Hit Points for 1 hour (or until they're lost).

Grave Cleric's first subclass feature is Circle of Mortality, which boosts our healing spells. Where normally we would have to roll dice on healing spells (like 1d8 on Curse Wounds), we can instead automatically use the highest number on the die. We also learn Spare the Dying cantrip, which saves a fallen creature from making Death Saves. For us, the cantrip has 30 feet reach instead of touch.

We also get Eyes of the Grave. It works similarly to the Paladin's Divine Sense except this one only shows us the undead present within 60 feet of us.

And that's it for Level 1. Clerics, man... they're early game powerhouses.

Level 2 - This level gives us access to the Channel Divinity feature, which lets us tap into the Divine Energy of our deity to perform amazing features. For now, we can use it once per short or long rest. All Clerics get the Turn Undead effect - each undead within 30 feet of us must make a Wisdom saving throw or become turned (they cannot move towards us within 30 feet, and must spend their turn trying to move away from us as far as they can) for 1 minute. The Grave Domain gives us another CD effect - Path to the Grave. This effect curses a target of our choice within 30 feet of us, until the end of our next turn. During that time, the next attack that damages a target makes it vulnerable to that damage type (damage dealt increases by half) and the curse ends.

We also get a new spell - Inflict Wounds deals 3d10 necrotic damage on a successful touch.

Level 3 - We unlock 2nd-level spell slots. This means, we can now get a 2nd-level spell: Hold Person forces a Wisdom saving throw on one (or more, if using higher-level spell slots) humanoid target within 60 feet. On a failed save the target is paralysed for 1 minute (concentration). Flavour it as mummy bandages and we've got one Anubis ability down.

Our subclass also grants us two spells at this point:

Gentle Repose prevents a corpse from decay and turning into an undead (suck it, Ah Puch!). Useful if you cannot afford the resurrection of one of your party members, but besides that, it's pretty situational.

Ray of Enfeeblement is like a demo version of Anubis's Ultimate. On a successful hit, the target's damage that uses Strength deals only half the normal amount for 1 minute (concentration).

Level 4 - Time for our first Ability Score Improvement! Let's get some better HP with 1 point in Constitution, and we'll put the other point in Wisdom.

We get another cantrip: Thaumaturgy gives a list of multiple effects we can perform for, lasting for 1 minute (making our voice louder, dimming and brightening lights, locking and unlocking doors and windows, etc.)

We also get another spell: Blindness/Deafness forces a Constitution saving throw on one creature within 30 feet. If they fail, they are blinded or deafened (our choice) for 1 minute. They can repeat the saving throw on each of their turns to try and shake off the effect.

Level 5 - At this level, our Turn Undead becomes Destroy Undead. It works only on the undead with the CR of 1/2 and below (shadows, zombies, skeletons, etc.), but if they fail their saving throw, they are instantly destroyed.

We also unlock 3rd-level spell slots and spells: Speak with Dead lets us reanimate a corpse for a short while (10 minutes), enough to ask it five questions. The dead can answer only what they knew in life, and the answers are usually brief/cryptic. They may also lie if we're the one that killed them, or they're hostile in general.

Additionally, we get two more spells from our subclass:

Revivify might go against Anubis's ways, but it is a staple Cleric spell. Sacrificing a diamond worth at least 300 gold pieces, we bring a creature who died within the last minute to life with 1 Hit Point. The spell doesn't restore missing body parts.

Vampiric Touch lets us deal 3d6 necrotic damage to a creature we can touch, and give us the same amount of Hit Points. Until the spell ends (1 minute, concentration), we can use the spell again as action without a need to make a spell attack.

Level 6 - Our Channel Divinity has now two uses between rests, and we gain a new subclass upgrade. Sentinel at Death's Door is one of the more annoying features in all of D&D (speaking from the DM's point of view here). Whenever a creature within 30 feet of us is attacked with a Critical Hit (Natural 20 roll, doubles damage dealt), we can use our reaction to cancel that critical and turn it into regular damage.

Spirit Guardians is a spell that summons a horde of spirits in a 15 feet radius from us. We can select who is unaffected by the spirits when we cast it. Those who are affected have their speed halved, and whenever they end their turn within the spirits' radius (and first time walk into it) must make a Wisdom saving throw or take 3d8 radiant damage (if we're good/neutral; if we're evil, it's necrotic. Half damage on a successful save).

Level 7 - Here, we only unlock 4th-level spell slots.

We get two more subclass spells: Banishment forces a Charisma saving throw on one target within 60 feet. On a failed save, the target disappears from the Plane it resides on. (right into the Shadow Realm! Egyptian Underworld) If the target isn't native to the Plane it disappeared from, it returns to its home Plane. If the target is native to the Plane it disappeared from, it gets transported into a pocket demiplane. If nothing interrupts our concentration for the entire duration of the spell (1 minute), the banished target doesn't come back (non-native), or it returns to the same space (native).

We also have subclass spells here:

Blight drains vitality from one creature within 30 feet of us. They must succeed on a Constitution saving throw, or take 8d8 necrotic damage (half damage on a successful save). It doesn't work on the undead or constructs, but if the target is a plant creature or a magical plant, it makes the save with disadvantage and receives the maximum possible amount of damage (64). If the target is a non-magical plant, it doesn't make a save - just withers instantly.

Death Ward prevents a person's death before their scheduled time. A creature we touch gains protection against being killed for 8 hours. If they drop to 0 Hit Points, they immediately recover one point. Any effect that causes instant death (such as a trap, a curse, or even Power Word: Kill) is also blocked.

Level 8 - We get another ASI. Let's get a +1 Wisdom and +1 Constitution again.

Because of our Wisdom modifier changing from 3 to 4, we now can get two new spells at this level. For this, I'd actually suggest taking just one spell and ask your DM whether we can save the remaining one for later. Otherwise, pick any throwaway spell to replace later.

Guardian of Faith summons a Large-sized spectre at a point within 30 feet of us for 8 hours (no concentration). Any creature moving within 10 feet of the guardian must make a Dexterity saving throw or take 20 points of (unspecified) damage (half damage on a success). The guardian disappears after dealing a total of 60 points of damage.

Level 9 - We unlock 5th-level spells here. If we have an empty spell from the previous level, we can now take two spells here. Plus, we also get two spells from our subclass!

Greater Restoration is a great healing spell. It is able to remove one curse/petrification/charm/reduction of Hit Points Maximum on top of removing one level of exhaustion. Really useful.

Insect Plague basically lets us re-enact the Prince of Egypt. We fill a 20-foot-radius sphere with a swarm of buzzing, biting locust. All creatures within the sphere have to make a Constitution saving throw or take 4d10 piercing damage (half damage on a successful one). This saving throw must also be done when entering the sphere or ending the turn in it.

Now, for the spells from our subclass:

Antilife Shell creates a 10-foot-radius dome around us. It lasts for 1 hour (concentration) and during that time, nothing organic/alive can enter the barrier. Only undead and constructs can get through. It also lets in projectiles and spells.

Raise Dead is what happens when Anubis says 'I quit'. The spell targets one corpse that died within the last 10 days and brings it back to life with 1 Hit Point. The raised creature gets post-resurrectional penalty of -4 to all of their saving throws, attack rolls, and ability checks. The penalty is reduced by 1 for each long rest taken.

Level 10 - Halfway through the build and we receive one of the Cleric's best feature. With Divine Intervention we can petition our patron deity to directly help us with a problem. We roll a percentile dice and if the result is equal to or lower than our Cleric level, the prayer is successful. The interpretation of 'divine help' is up to our DM; it can be a vision, a single-use spell that's gonna be helpful, etc. If the prayer is successful, we cannot use this feature for a week. If the prayer fails, we can try again after finishing a long rest.

We get our final cantrip: Word of Radiance is a good anti-close range spell. It forces a Constitution saving throw on all creatures within 5 feet of us, and deals 1d6 radiant damage on a failed one (damage scales as we level up).

For our next spell, Holy Weapon infuses our weapon with divine energy for 1 hour (concentration). The weapon sheds bright light in 30 feet radius (and dim light for another 30), it becomes magical for the purpose of overcoming resistances, and all successful attacks deal extra 2d8 radiant damage for the whole duration of the spell.

Level 11 - Our Destroy Undead effect of Channel Divinity gets enhanced. It now affects undead with a CR of 2 or lower (ghouls, spectres, poltergeists, will-o'-wisps, etc.).

We also gain access to 6th-level spells. Find the Path represents Anubis's role as a guide of souls. It can last up to 1 day (concentration) and allows us to find the shortest and most direct path to a location we name that we're familiar with.

Level 12 - Time for another ASI! First, let's round up our Constitution to a nice, even number, and then let's start boosting our weaker abilities by raising our Charisma.

For this level's spell, Planar Ally allows us to summon an otherworldly minion (celestial, elemental, or fiend), which we could ask to carry out a small task in exchange for payment. The creature is under no obligation to listen to us but can be bargained with.

Level 13 - We don't get a class feature this time, only unlock 7th-level spell slots. With Etherealness, we can step into the spirit world for a brief amount of time (up to 8 hours, no concentration). While inside the Ethereal Plane, we can only interact with creatures from that plane. We see and hear into the Plane we departed from and can move in any direction (moving up and down costs +1 foot for every foot of movement). We can also pass through objects and walls of the Material Plane.

Level 14 - We have upgrade to our Destroy Undead effect. It can now affect the undead with a CR of 3 or lower (mummies, wights, phantom warriors, etc.).

With Regenerate, we restore one target's health by 4d8+15 Hit Points. Following that, for 1 hour the target recovers 1 Hit Point per turn (10 HP per minute) until reaching their Hit Point Maximum. The spell also regrows missing organs and limbs 2 minutes after casting.

Level 15 - Once again, no new class features. We do unlock 8th-level spell slots. Antimagic Field creates a 10-foot-radius invisible sphere, where no magic can exist; spells fizzle out, summoned creatures disappear, magic items become regular. When you stand before the final judgment, no magic will help you.

Level 16 - We get another ASI. Let's raise our Charisma and Strength.

Although we do have access to 8th-level spells now, we can back up for a moment and take Planar Shift. This spell lets us travel into another Plane of Existence, as long as we a metal rod worth at least 250 gold pieces and is attuned to our desired destination. The spell transports us, along with up to eight willing creatures. Alternatively, we can banish a creature within our melee range into the particular Plane, granted they fail a Charisma saving throw.

Level 17 - This is a big one. First of all, our Destroy Undead reaches another upgrade, allowing us to disintegrate undead with a CR of 4 or lower (the banshee, ghosts, flameskulls, deathlocks, etc.).

We also get our final subclass upgrade - Keeper of Souls. If a creature we can see dies within 60 feet of us, we can choose another creature we can see within 60 feet and restore their Hit Point by the now-deceased enemy's remaining Hit Dice. We can use this feature once per turn.

At this level, we also unlock the pinnacle of Divine Magic - 9th-level spells. True Resurrection can restore a creature who has been dead for no longer than 200 years back to life with a full amount of Hit Points. The spell closes wounds, restores missing limbs, lifts curses, and neutralizes poison and disease. It turns undead into their non-undead form. If there is no body to resurrect, the spell can provide a new body for the soul to inhabit. The only thing the spell cannot restore is if death came from old age.

Level 18 - Our Channel Divinity feature can now be used three times in-between rest.

Mass Heal is a powerful restorative spell, which targets all creatures within 60 feet of us. We can restore a total of 700 Hit Points, divided evenly between all creatures affected, who are also healed from all diseases as well as blindness or deafness. The spell doesn't work on constructs and undead.

Level 19 - We get our final ASI of this build. Before the final boss battle, let's boost our Constitution by 2.

Gate creates a portal linked into another Plane of Existence. We can determine a specific destination by naming a location in the target Plane. The portal lasts for 1 minute (concentration). Alternatively, we can name a creature we know resides in the target Plane and pull them through the portal into our location.

(yes, Doctor Strange is a Cleric in D&D terms, fight me!)

Level 20 - Our build capstone is Divine Intervention Improvement. At this level, whenever we decide to use our Divine Intervention hotline, the prayer is always successful, without a need to roll.

For our final spell, we get Astral Projection

The spell makes us and eight willing creatures go on a trip into the Astral Sea. Our soul leaves the body (which is in suspended animation, requiring no food, air, and doesn't age) and enters the dimension of pure thought and psychic energy. There is a series of rules in the spell description, but it can be used to survey other planes of existence by entering the right colourful portal.

---

And that's the end of it. Anubis, the Egyptian psychopomp. Let's see how we did:

We have good abilities, two 18s and a 16 where it counts, average Hit Points of 151 and 15 AC with studded leather armour. We're not the designated HealBot, but we have a few good higher-level healing spells for when things go sour.

Can't wait to show you folks the next one. I have a feeling some of you might enjoy it!

- Nerdy out!

#smite #anubis #cleric #grave danger #dnd #d&d 5e #character building #shifter #wildhunt shifter #egyptian

45 notes · View notes

delimeful · 5 years ago

Note

So I've been rereading wibar and thinking even more and I just. . . Does the mindscape crew. . . Know about micro-expressions? Like how we have like 6 different ways to bare our teeth, each with wildly different meanings? Or how we position our shoulders to show how relaxed we are? Cuz like. Roman and Logan and even patton think about threat displays a lot when they meet virgil but humans don't really. . . Have? Threat displays? 1/?

Our micro-expressions convey everything we need them too so humans don't really have a set way we try too look threatening? At least not in the loud and obvious ways the mindscape crew (we need a better way to name them) seem to think we do? We convey our intentions in more. . . Subtle ways. Then they seem to expect. Like roman keeps freaking whenever virgil crouches, but the lower a human crouches the more vulnerable we get because of how we balance. -2/?

Like a loose fighting crouch is more dangerous then someone crouching to tie their shoe but the shoe guy is definitely lower, and if I have the heights right in my head virgil would have to get close to the floor for patton to get on his shoulder. It makes me think about how very alien the crew is. They don't have the same micro-expressions as humans do cuz if they did they'd recognize them in virgil. But patton seems to be the only one actively trying to learn these expressions. -3/?

Roman is doing his best not to learn anything about virgil and Logan want too know more about the world culture then the people who make up it. Which is fine since they know nothing about earth, but doesn't help as much when trying to not see virgil as a threat. Since they don't know when virgil IS trying to be threatening. I don't know I just started thinking about this and it's almost 6am and I haven't slept. I'm just rambling at this point. I'll leave this here. Have a nice day! -♠️ 4/4

anon, first and foremost i hope you’re resting now! D:

but yeah, human body language is crazy diverse and intricate, half the time we dont even realize that we’re picking up info from it! its not that aliens dont have complex visual and physical cues-- they certainly do, particularly roman, who is practically speaking two languages at once with how significant body movement/sign language is in crav’n culture.

its just that... on a deathworlder planet and particularly on a planet where they were never exposed even slightly to the cultural norms of space travel, human body language reads as fucking off-the-walls to any other species. humans just regulate their movements according to their own societal standards automatically, (becoming more reserved for an interview, moving slowly and low to the ground when sneaking, ect.) so adjusting to Space Body Language Norms is gonna be... a process. for everyone involved

#asks #sorry this is a late response but anon please. get your daily recommended amount of sleep #maybe wibar virgil will pick up on those vibes as well #ts virgil #ts roman #ts logan #ts patton #wibar #spade anon #wibar story lore

193 notes · View notes

coralstudiies · 6 years ago

Text

SURVIVAL GUIDE & STUDY TIPS

hello everyone!! this post is a collab with the lovely and amazing @boinkhs because we've both reached 2k followers :D she'll be doing study tips for college students and i'll be doing study tips for high schoolers. check out her post here!

i've split this into part 1. survival, which concerns how to study & learn better in general and just tips on how to get through high school. part 2. is on specific study tips for each type of subject, namely sciences, maths, languages and humanities.

Hope this helps <3

1. Don't snooze please

you just end up snoozing 5 times then you’re late for school

2. If you find you have difficulty getting out of bed, just keep in mind ONE TASK you need to do.

for example, making your bed. then you just gotta focus on that! it should help fight the sleepiness because you’re forcing your brain and limbs to be active.

3. Do the necessary things like brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and eat breakfast

i don’t know why but some people don’t eat breakfast before coming to school like ???? excuse me ???? please eat at least a small snack, or a fruit or something. your body doesnt function on an empty stomach! also, drink some water to hydrate yourself

4. On the road, you should do something that puts you in a good mood.

for me, i go straight to spotify and listen to my playlist. you should also review the previous day’s learning so that you refresh your memory before going back to class. personally this is my fav part of the day HAHAHA

5. If you like, you can choose to read a book.

just make sure you’re calm but ‘warmed up’ to focusing in a sense.

1. Hydrate frequently

idk man it just keeps you awake + i dont feel so icky if i drink enough water

2. Learn actively

if the teacher asks questions, try to answer. sit at the front row. offer to help give out the worksheets or notes. clarify your doubts after. when they speak, copy down notes. don’t worry about the aesthetic; i mean you can but you need to write fast and neat which unfortunately doesnt come together very often. i suggest you spend more brain power digesting and understanding the content.

3. Don’t over highlight

ONLY KEY POINTS that are stressed by the teacher. you can tell when their tone changes, expression changes, when they use more hand motions, or they keep repeating a few key words. yes , that. highlight that. stare at it while listening to them speak. make sure you understand. if you don’t please ask. but make sure you don’t have a fluorescent page because that’s not ideal study material!

4. Write down any questions you have

if they’re answered in the lesson, cancel them off. if not, ask after the lesson. dont be scared! *sends virtual courage*

5. Use whatever free time you have to finish homework

because you’re gonna thank yourself later. you should spend more time at home revising than doing homework. ( doing homework isnt equivalent to revising PLEASE I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY REVISED FOR 3 HOURS BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOMEWORK ) also it feels better knowing you have one less thing to worry about

6. Record down all assignments, due dates and test dates

do it in a planner or your phone. doesn’t matter just keep them somewhere. it can be demoralising to see an entire entry of shit to get done but still it’s better than not knowing what needs to be done. ignorance is NOT bliss. try to color code or symbol code them, for example • for assignments (due date behind), - for tests etc. act on this when you go home (see below)

7. Have a file/binder some form of organisation to keep different subjects’ worksheets, tests, notes, reading etc.

you can have one massive binder, one binder for each subject, one folder file for each subject or anything that suits you. for me, i clip all materials of one subject together with a binder clip. the materials i use most are at the front for easy reference. then put those bundles into zipper files, perhaps one for math and sciences, another for languages and humanities. or whatever suits you best! make sure you have everything in one place so you don’t panic and dig through a pile of dog-eared paper.

8. If you can, when it’s near the exam period, don’t stay back after school unless it’s to study.

i used to stay back for training and to play volleyball with my friends and i kid you not we would play from 2pm to 6.30 pm and get nothing done but it was fun. and i’m not saying deprive yourself of that fun but when the exams are near, you should be studying somewhere quiet/ somewhere you can focus. you should go somewhere (preferably home) where you can focus and get things done.

9. Decide if you’re a lone wolf or if you need a study buddy/study group

personally i’m a lone wolf because i hate distractions and i don’t want to distract others. but when my friends ask me for help i don’t mind staying back a little to teach them and/or study with them. Personally i find that for subjects like english which require you to write about an array of topics, studying with someone else can help in generation of essay points and to just broaden your understanding of the topic. so yeah it really depends, just do what suits you :)

10. Take notes in class

try to understand while copying, and if you didn’t understand something, you should raise your hand and ask for the teacher to repeat so that you hear it again. also, it gives you more time to take notes as they re-explain the content. read them after the lesson is over to help internalise some facts. you can create your own method of organisation for your notes, e.g. colour coding.

1. Review the day’s learning on the way home.

if you take public transport, try to flip through your notes and worksheets to review new content for the first time.

2. Eat lunch, have a snack, take a shower, everything that’s necessary.

if you use your phone while eating, make sure you don’t eat slowly just to use your phone because that’s wasting time.

3. If you’re super tired, just have a 15-20min power nap

nothing more otherwise you will NEVER wake up until the dead of night. just take a nap to get some energy back. doesnt matter if you wake up feeling more tired, because you’ll shake that feeling in a while. keep a glass of water beside you so that you can drink it once you wake up!

4. Look through your ‘list’ that you made earlier in the day. (in class, pt. 6)

you might want to spend max 10 mins updating your schedule. then stare at the dreaded homework. start with the easiest and least time consuming to build up momentum. this could actually be the remainder of what you’ve finished in school. then look at the due dates. do them in order of due dates. unless it’s a huge project or assignment, you might want a head start on it!

5. With the remaining time, you should start revising

review the day’s learning AGAIN.

make notes/mindmaps/flashcards whatever works for you. you should prioritise the subject or chapter that you were most confused about. quickly revise and try to clear up any questions you have about the chapter. if you have additional time, go ahead and make notes for the next subject! another way is going through corrections and clarifying your doubts with friends/teachers, and summarise the day’s learning on a post-it or two. if you’ve already taken notes in class, look at other sources e.g textbook and combine what you’ve learnt before re-writing or re-organising your notes.

1. Pack your bag!

remove unnecessary materials, and pack the necessary one. make sure your bag isnt too heavy. you can choose to hand carry some files or binders if they’re too bulky, but make sure you’re all packed before the next morning

2. Have a meal & clean up

again, basic necessities. don’t go to bed hungry or feeling icky because thats not how you treat yo self!

Before class:

if you’re going to continue on a chapter, review the content that came before it. Try to make your own connections between the already learnt and to-be learnt content so that you’re mentally ready for class.

In class:

take down notes, highlight, annotate and DRAW DIAGRAMS. you can’t do sciences without diagrams. for physics or chemistry which require more calculation, copy down the problems your teacher goes through and solve them along with him/her. write the formulas on a post it note so you can stick it onto the page where you’re writing for easy reference. if the teacher plays a video which is MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU you have to write only the relevant points in the most abbreviated form possible.

Note-taking:

I find that linear notes help me most in sciences. for chapters that involve lots of interconnected processes, for example o chem, then mindmaps or flowcharts will be helpful. also if you tend to forget something, post-it that stuff on the front page of your notes where you are FORCED to stare at it. yes. write down example problems and their steps, then write explanations for each step so that if you’re confused you can always refer back. again, draw any required diagrams.

Answering techniques:

if there’s a ‘standard’ way to answer it then you have to make sure you follow that way even in your homework because it’s muscle memory. when you get to exams, your hand will automatically write in the same format so you don’t lose marks or spend time recalling the correct format.

imo sciences are quite logical so as long as you remember and follow the flow you’ll be fine!

In class:

copy key terms, facts and examples and write all examples that the teacher has gone through. write all formulas and definitions on a post it, then shift it around the pages as needed. if there’s a type of problem you particularly suck at, ask your teacher for help IMMEDIATELY because it’s so easy to forget the steps to a problem.

At home:

do your homework, do additional practice, correct your mistakes, clarify, and repeat. memorise formulas and definitions (perhaps using flashcards or post its) then practice more and make sure your concepts are strong. there’s no easy way and sadly this is all i can comment.

In class:

copy down notes, think actively, and if you’re given a sample essay you should annotate the heck out of it and keep it somewhere safe.

For essays:

read up more and write up. befriend the best writer in class and ask for their essays. write essay plans and consult your teacher. brainstorm possible approaches with friends. read the news, and copy the links of interesting online articles for future reference. have a go-to list of examples and quotes you can use, for any and every topic. read these like your bedtime story and never forget to keep updating them.

For comprehension passages:

read the questions first. then you’ll be more sensitive to what you need to read in the passage and how you need to analyse it. try to question yourself about how and why the author does something or makes you feel something. do not rush-read the passage or you will fail horribly (personal experience). do one or two extra comprehensions and ask your teacher to mark them.

In class:

ARROWS TO LINK EVERYTHING and annotate any class notes given. write down new examples provided by the teacher. if there is a link you ‘can check out’ go check it out. it’s probably something thats gonna be on the exam.

At home:

you have to rely on mindmapping and flow charts because everything is linked in some way and you cannot ignore those links!!!! although i do my humanities notes in linear form, my in class notes are all in the form of mindmaps. and actually i revise from those in a pinch because i can see everything at one go. watch vids on the concepts, for example plate tectonics. those things are so hard to see when they’re deadass sitting on the page and not budging. watch a video where they really move instead of being frozen.

If you’re so frickin lost:

watch more videos on the concepts, watch more videos on the events, search up interpretations online and ask your teachers!!! for everyone who gets equally lost as me when i’m faced with a new chapter, another way is to pre-read before the teacher starts teaching. if you’re lazy to read just watch a couple clips on it so that at least you have some background. even if you wake up the next day with 0 concrete memory, which you won’t, you’ll already have the flow of things which will help you if you’re usually the straggler.

(disclaimer i study geography although i've tried history and english literature but i think that they're similar to some extent, especially on how to study them)

#study #studyblr #studying #coralstudiies #revision #study motivation #notes #study tips #study advice #studying tips #studying advice #high school #lectures #tips #advice

1K notes · View notes

illicitivywp · 4 years ago

Text

mal de vivre.

The morning that Harry wakes up and you're not sleeping peacefully beside him is the worst of his entire life.

He can sense that you're not there. The air still circulates whiffs of your caramel shampoo and the breeze of your automatic fan that you always insist on leaving on all night still whirs leisurely and tickles the back of his neck.

Regardless, the room is vacant. He doesn't have to open his eyes to know that much.

For now, he remains entirely numb. Immune to the flooding sobs and intolerable agony and festering anger, he supposes it's in his best interest to stay like that for a while.

For a few days, at least. Until he can fully process your absence. He's not certain how long it takes the average person to wholly recognise an entire chunk of themselves missing, but he figures he's already suffered enough.

Surely, the universe isn't that cruel.

Your love is delightedly grand, and with its sudden unavailability, he feels so dejectedly vague.

He's clearly not perceiving time correctly, perhaps it's his distant concentration or maybe even his body's method of rejecting life and the wretched torture of its innate malice.

A few times, he's experienced sleep paralysis. The first, horrifying occasion is long-forgotten, when he was seven or so - it happened only after staying up until one in the morning to watch a horror movie that he'd been specifically warned not to watch and a towering vacuum of danger stood solid as stone at the end of his bed.

If it weren't for his fingertips subconsciously tracing featherlight scribes of your name on his forearm, he might reasonably assume he's haunted with the condition once again.

A clattering of paws on hard floorboards injects a little more reality into his thoughts, and he still can't bear, physically, to turn over and greet the sweet puppy you'd snuck home and surprised him with upon his arrival home from work around a year ago, knowing that his acceptance of a familiarly-shaped void is waiting just inches away.

Eventually, and after another chaotic scramble of claws in need of a cut, Chi is bouncing enthusiastically at his side and attempting an ambitious leap onto the mattress. She fails theatrically, landing in a resounding thud on her back and launching back to her feet, completely unaware of her owner's awaiting grief.

Masking his greatest fears with scooping a palm beneath Chi's belly and hauling her upwards to nestle into his chest, the reposition forces him to lay on his back (she's always detested laying on her side, especially when smothered with adoring cuddles) and, like the coward he truly is, his eyes focus adamantly on a random spot of the pale ceiling. With every minute shuffle, it becomes more and more achingly apparent that you're really not here.

And if everything runs correctly, you'll squirm and giggle graciously at his waking before returning his kiss, to his lips, this time, and he'll suggest applying a little moisturiser, like he always does, and you'll love him like you should.

When his eyelids snap open and his head curves breezily to your claimed side of the bed, he's somewhat unsurprised to confirm that his life truly has transformed to a dreadful bundle of tragedy. In your imposing place, is a neatly-made bed and an envelope.

A single, white envelope, stained by the sweet, flowing cursive that could flow only from your touch.

Chi leaps naturally to the spectacle, sniffing curiously at the letter and nudging it around a little, whilst Harry is so unexplainably pained that he's unable to move. Swallowing thickly, he's not certain word-for-word what lies in the confines of this envelope, but he does know it'll confirm your leaving him, and for some strange reason, he's relieved you left an explanation, at least.

A souvenir of you to hang onto forever, along with the millions of other items and memories of yours in his possession.

Carefully removing it from Chi's vicinity and replacing the object of her attention with a random squeaky toy that he'd discovered burrowed beneath his bed a few nights ago, he traces your exquisite handwriting with his fingertip and reads along with inaudible movements of his mouth; For Harry, mon amour.

In that moment, he realises profoundly that he'll never get to request hearing you say different words in your accent again.

The amount of times he implored relentlessly to hear je t'aime and have it accompanied with an endearing kiss is infinite.

Harry, my love,

I'm so incredibly sorry that I couldn't handle the pain.

Seeing your face cures any anguish I feel, but not this time.

I really, really tried; I know you did, too. I wanted it to work out, I prayed every day that our suffering would magically end and we could return to our love, I hoped that one day I would wake and cuddle you tightly and describe this awful nightmare I'd had.

Possibly, I may write to you in the future; please, don't try to contact me, it won't work and you know it's for the best. My family and close friends know where I am, where I will be, and they also know not to tell you if you ask.

I wish I could kiss all of your heartache away and protect you from all evil in this world, but I feel my presence is detrimental to your recovery.

My love for you is never-ending. Please be okay.

Forgive me and love someone else like you loved me. Let someone else love you like I loved you. Tellement, tellement.

Forever, I'll think of you and how unbelievably content I felt waking up next to you every day for seven-hundred and eighty (? - I'm estimating) mornings straight.

I will never, ever leave our love behind, and I adore you more than I can express. Your strength and resilience are admirable, and you are truly the best thing to ever happen to me.

Mon bébé, I miss you terribly.

Toujours, ton amour.

Chi tugs eagerly on her lead at the sight of the familiar entrance to her home, Harry in tow right behind. Sludgy snow muddies his shoes and soaks the hem of his jeans. His puppy's paws are undoubtedly drenched, too, but her fur is protected valiantly by her favourite jacket. He'd purchased it from a specialist store in France a year prior, and, since surprising her with the present upon his shared return, it'd become her primary option during the winter months.

Retrieving a reasonable pile of letters from his designated section, a rapid flick through displays bills, scams and all of the usual junk he usually receives. He offers his elderly neighbour a polite smile and holds open the door with his knee to construct a clear path for her exit.

He grimaces slightly at the teeth-shaped arc of damp dents into his mail - he hadn't particularly considered the repercussions of carrying it that way - and unclips Chi's lead, allowing her to run rampage through his airy apartment. Absently dropping his keys into its small dish of residence and taking a closer inspection at his post to infiltrate any wrong addresses or scams, he selects an apple from his fruit bowl and steals one firm chunk before noticing something peculiar.

Groomed eyebrows knitting together in confusion, he plucks one particular letter from the bunch and stacks it to the top. Perplexed by the sorely familiar curve of the writing scrawled on the front, his head shakes in denial - you wouldn't have, surely.

Discarding of all other mail on his kitchen counter, he's puzzled beyond belief; you'd left with no verbal warning and a letter that, admittedly, had been the source of several bouts of severe depression and, in spite of its awful affects, read dutifully every single day since your disappearance.

Rashly, he wishes you hadn't changed your phone number and email address shortly before leaving so he could possibly contact you regarding this mystery. However, he knows just as well as you clearly foresaw; his topic of discussion wouldn't be only the letter.

Tearing open the corner cautiously, he's incredibly delicate with checking inside the envelope once open to ensure it contains only his presumed note. Reviewing the front with a scouring gaze of disbelief, it really, truly has come from you.

He can't remember how many times he read each postcard that you'd gifted him with at the very beginning of your relationship. You'd recently made the permanent move from France to England, and, in a new country with limited knowledge of the native language, Harry had unintentionally become your beacon of comfort here.

With his fluent French and English, he was the perfect contender for kindly correcting your terminology and educating you on the essential etiquettes of Britain. Within weeks, however, your sweet smile had changed from an enjoyable sight during your frequent coffee shop meetings to something he craved.

He misses reading your silly, awful puns based around your home country, especially his favourite. A laughably unfunny joke paired with a matching scribble of the two of you; what do french fries do when they meet? They ketchup!

Harry,

I feel awful for waiting so long to speak to you again.

Your voice and your hugs. I've imagined them every single day.

I miss my Chi. How is she? I hope she's not missing her maman. Give her a kiss from me.

And the biggest kiss to yourself, because you deserve it, mon tout.

I'm inexplicably sorry for leaving so abruptly; I just couldn't take much more. The reminders were too much. Seeing your inconsolable pain every day was too much.

I'm so, so selfish, but I still believe allowing you to heal without my troubles was the best and easiest path for both of us.

I'm sure you noticed, but I may have stolen one of our pictures. It was your favourite, and that's why I had to choose that one, I suppose. Horrible, again.

I miss your dimples (and irritating you by poking them all the time). I miss your lips, they were so soft. No wonder you always bossed me around with the lip balm - I have my own now, I take it everywhere with me.

It smells like caramel.

Most of all, I miss your love. I've never known someone to love like you do. You were, are, and always will be, incredible.

Have you found someone to love yet?

Do you still think about me? If yes, please don't.

It's not fair of me to appear out of nowhere like this and not allow you a chance to reply. If you wish, post your letter to my maman's house - I'm not there, just to crush any other hope you have, but I'll receive it.

I'll be sorry forever, mon amour.

Sois gentil avec toi-même.

Câlins pour toujours, your baby.

Auriele,

I'm so thankful you decided to reach out again. I've missed you. Tellement, tellement.

Chi is brilliant, still eating everything and constantly in need of a haircut. She does miss you.

My hurt is still prevalent, I've accepted that it always will be. I truly don't believe it can be fixed again, but I'm still trying.

I spent the two weeks after your leaving searching for every single picture in existence of us. I cried so many times, I wish I could tell you that I'm wholly recovered and that you're fully forgiven, but I can't.

I think I counted them all. It's either three-hundred and seventy-seven or one-thousand, one-hundred and two (I have two sticky notes labelled pictures, I'm not sure which is correct.)

No one could ever love me like you do, tu es le meilleur.

I suppose that answers both of your questions.

Thank you for the chance to respond. I was incredibly confused when I received your thoughtful letter. I'm assuming by this one's destination being your maman's house, you're in France? You don't have to answer that. I would understand.

Mon bébé chéri, je t'aime.

Harry x

Harry,

It was the least I could do. I hurt you doubly and you never deserved that.

Tell her I love her. Buy her an ice cream for me (note the two dollars also enclosed in this envelope!)

There aren't enough apologies in the world to properly cover the extent of my mistakes, but I'll continue gathering as many as I can. And send them straight to you.

I also wish you could truthfully claim that you're okay, and I hope, with time, that you will be. It's all you ever deserved, mon chéri. You don't ever have to forgive me. I understand entirely if you hate me.

I wouldn't be surprised if those numbers were both low counts. I loved your face, as superficial as it sounds, but it truly was prettier than anything, and my favourite thing was always surrounding myself with it. Aussi longtemps que je pouvais.

My baby, I only tried my hardest to love you, and I sincerely hope I haven't ruined your idea of love so much that I'm your standard. Please, travel, find people to connect with, fall in love with a place, if not a person.

I bet Chi would love Spain. Australia, maybe? Thailand? Your choice entirely. You always were smarter than me (i.e. I left you - doesn't get much dumber.)

I am in France, feel free to ask any question you want about my current life if you decide to write back - you really don't have to. It's okay. You're still perfect.

Just not my address. It's so selfish of me to hide away from you when you're the one who deserves closure, but I'm not ready to share that information. Again, I'm sorry, and I hope you understand.

Tu me manques. Tu me manques ma maman et mon père. Tu me manques au cœur.

All my love, Auriele x

Every day, his thoughts are plagued with ideas of how to write his next letter. Your previous few communications ran smoothly; you seem incredibly apologetic and, as much as he would've gladly ignored the past tense use of 'love' in your most recent letter, he can't help but realise the difference from your first each time he reads it.

He's not certain why his first letter practically poured from his pen and before he knew it, it was sealed, posted and received. This time, however, he can't even construct a way to greet you.

Has distance and time really weakened your connection that much? His favourite childhood Disney movies would be ashamed.

The heartache you've endured together is insufferable, the bitterness remaining fresh and the misery continuing to roll onwards with him, and yet, you're both still alive. Perhaps, he should be a little more thankful.

He's tested out various support groups over the past few months; they appear to help in the moment, but once he returns home to a completely empty house, - aside from Chi - he realises all of his progress to be entirely fake.

How can he realistically recover from his insurmountable loss in solitude?

An apartment which used to breathe vibrant life and excitement for the future, diminished to nothing but silence.

He might as well have lost his house, too. Every second he spends there, surrounded by reminders of his grief, is draining. Of course, if he were a millionaire, he would've discovered a lovely, one bed flat with wide, open floors and windows. If he were a millionaire, though, maybe none of this agony would've ever happened.

He could’ve fixed it.

Regardless, he didn't, and now he returns home every single day, monotonous and finding solace only in rereading your letters and running through his local park with Chi, no matter the weather.

Sometimes, he hears the faint echo of your melodious voice ringing in his ear; mon doux bébé. For a moment, he believes you may be talking to him, but with a resounding giggle of contentment, you never were.

Within a month, he lost both of his sweet baby girls, and the pain is simply too much to comprehend.

Elle, mon cœur,

Firstly, I apologize for my late reply. This letter was, for some reason, incredibly difficult to write.

You hurt me never. Life hurt me, and it hurt you, too, and I'm sorry it's so cruel.

Chi adored her ice cream - vanilla, your favourite - and said thanks! (complimentary picture attached, for you).

Sympathy and apologies aren't a cure. I've received enough of them to know. I hope you have, too. We might not accept it and it might not heal our pain, but it is nice to know you have people by your side.

Mon amour, I would/could never come close to hatred for you. You are my entire heart, and you own everything within it.

I hope, one day, I can forgive you. I hope you can forgive me. We both made mistakes. We're both accountable, and so is fate. Unfortunately, it wasn't on our side, and we have to welcome that.

Your face is certainly Top Five list of physical attributes, which goes as followed:

1. your lips. I know I complained about them being dry all the time, but I miss them, still.

2. your eyes. Somewhere between the ocean and a cottage filled with flowers, they were paradise.

3. your thighs. I am a man - a broken one, but a man nonetheless - and they are certainly the most family-friendly feature I could think of.

4. your smile. Even on my darkest days, your smile was heaven. I hope you're smiling right now. I wish I could see it.

5. your face? All of the above and everything else. Was that cheating?

I wish I could leave here. I wish I could find a small, tropic island where Chi and I can get tipsy on Virgin Mary's and surf all day, but I feel it wouldn't be fair for both of us to run.

Although, Chi would certainly have a great time in Thailand. She told me so.

Did I mention she misses you? We miss you.

I have more questions than you can imagine. This is only my second letter, however, so I suppose I'll stick to three for now, (sorry for all the lists!)

How are you? Mentally? Physically?

Have you made new friends whilst you've been out there?

Would you ever visit London again?

I miss you forever.

Ton bébé.

Harry x

Harry,

It's more tough to write my letters than you might assume. No need to apologise, I understand.

Life is shit. I thought I had accepted that. I never imagined how evil it could be.

Chi, my baby, looks so pretty. I love her haircut (number 8694743? out of infinite).

I have heard my fair share of sympathy. At first, I felt bitter. They didn't understand what I had suffered, they didn't understand the pain I felt. With time, I realised that, sometimes, sorry is all you need to hear to feel a little better. To feel like you're managing life, at least.

I wish I could believe I deserve it, but I truly don't.

My mistakes seem perpetual. I'm constantly remembering new ones. Things I could've noticed faster, signs that I should've recognised. Yours are nothing. You made no mistakes, mon amour, please believe that. As much as fate has been my least favourite higher power for the past year, I agree about welcoming our own.

I would make a list of my personal favourites of your appearance, but I'd be here all day, and I'm meeting with a friend in an hour (your second question - check).

It wasn't fair for either of us to run. I think it's turned out for the best, however.

I can imagine Chi passed out on the beach. You both deserve a holiday. Go to Scotland, or something, at least. Just away from London.

I miss you both. Much more than I can express.

I'm well. Mentally; it's a struggle, but that's just life, I suppose. Physically; my sickness stopped a while ago. I hope your headaches did, too, but I've been searching for cures for those for a long time.

Yes! I've made quite a few close friends. They all know and love you. I'll tell them you asked.

London holds far too many memories for me to bear. You're the only one I can stand. Maybe one day.

Tellement de câlins.

Auriele.

The second your letter arrives and is read fully three times over, Harry's scrambling to collect his fancy paper and ink pen, thousands of ideas about how to reply brimming in his head.

Pen to paper, however, his mind is entirely blank.

You're inching closer to addressing the subject of your pain, and so is he. So far, the only discussions you've had regarding that difficult topic have ended either in awful arguments or uncontrollable, endless crying and they all occurred before your disappearance.

Since then, you've had ten months and seventeen days shared to mature from and process the situation. Perhaps, if you were to have a conversation about it now, it would be beneficial.

Harry is aware of the solution to his strange writer's block and urges to attempt to fix your hurt, but he's not quite sure if he's ready. Physically forcing himself up from his cluttered desk, he tries not to think of the main event when changing his sloppy t-shirt and joggers to jeans and a jumper; it's February, so the wind is still well and alive but, luckily for Chi and the duration of her walks, the temperatures are beginning to rise.

His destination is barely a thirty minute leisurely stroll through the city away, and he feels shameful to admit that this is his first visit in ten and a half months. Several times, he's gathered his courage to stand on the pavement, surveying the vast area but never making it closer than the protective fences.

This time, though, he's determined to make it. And he will, with je t'aime's and sweet giggles bubbling in his ears.

Your je t'aime's and her sweet giggles.

Auriele,

Life will continue to surprise us. It may be malicious, but it's also given me you, so I guess there are a few reasons to be grateful.

I think it's more like *8694744 out of infinite, and I'm sure she'll have many more unpleasant trips to the groomers in the future.

You are handling life impeccably, considering all. You deserve showers of recognition for just being here.

No one has ever been more deserving of my love, and no one ever will.

Please, don't blame yourself entirely. Yes, there were signs. Signs that we both should've seen earlier. We knew as much as everyone else. We can't know if things would be different if we'd noticed them, because they're not.

I'm glad you're enjoying life in France. Is it peaceful? Is it too far to ask if you're living with one of your new friends? What're their names, if you don't mind my asking?

If I were to go on holiday right now, Paris would be my first choice.

I'm glad you're feeling better, I hope you continue to improve mentally in the future. I wish you nothing but true happiness.

If you're ever here, I'd be honoured to see you again.

This might surprise you. Before I wrote this letter, I went to visit her.

I haven't since we were there together.

I talked to her for hours about my life and my pain and your letters and your pain and anything I'd love to say to you if I knew how. Meline always was the best listener, no offence to you. She just understands.

I miss her. I miss you. I miss my babies.

Please, send me a picture of you (always topping lists) in your next letter. I need to see you now. I bet you're glowing.

Toujours, Harry x

Harry, mon amour,

I feel as if I should address the end of your letter first, because I certainly wasn't expecting it. I cried a lot. I'm still crying as I write this.

It feels nice to feel.

I've been so numb to it all. I know I should sob every day, think of her every single second. I don't. That may make me an awful person, but I always preferred not to lie. Especially to you. I don't think the gravity has quite hit me yet.

Back to the normal, top to bottom of your letter.

My family is a gift. My parents, you and Meline, specifically. I've never admired anyone more.

I miss Chi. Especially today, for some reason. Send more pictures of her when you next write. (I enclosed an updated picture of me in town, if you hadn't noticed! It was taken last week.)

I had concerns. Concerns that I didn't follow up on. We knew something was wrong, but we did everything we could, right? We found help. We found medicine. Why didn't it work?

How fucking cruel can life possibly be?

It's much quieter than London. The air quality is visibly better. I am, actually. My closest friends are Leon and Aline. I'm living with them!

Paris is about as good a holiday as you can get. If I'm ever near you, whatever country it happens to be in, I'll be sure to see you.

The last part of your letter. I already touched upon it but not nearly enough.

I haven't said, heard or read her name in eleven months. I miss it. I miss your voice. And her laughs. She was so, so lively and enthusiastic for life.

It's so unfair that she didn't get the chance.

And I agree; she always was a fantastic listener. I told her about our issues more than I should've.

I wish I could hear her again. Her name wasn't Meline Risette Styles for nothing. Her laughs were so pretty. I could've listened on repeat.

I did. For a year.

I miss her.

I miss you. I miss your warmth. I miss your heart and your love and your smile and everything about you.

I miss normality.

When we thought things would be okay.

We were wrong, and hindsight, that's okay, too.

We will heal eventually, I trust that life can't take much more away from me.

Tout mon amour, Auriele x

Since that day, Harry's visited Meline every Sunday without fail - it's only been three weeks, but going in the first place was an unimaginable step.

He even combined Chi's walk with the most recent, and each time, entering, staying at and emerging from the cemetery becomes easier.

The first time, he paced through the gates several times before building the bravery to even step inside without running back. His flight or fight instinct had been touchy the whole time, bias towards flight the entire time.

He just wanted to be as far away from the source of his pain as possible.

At the same time, he just wanted his daughter back. Alive and healthy.

Once he'd settled, laid on the ground like a madman next to her grave, he never wanted to leave her again. He even brought her flowers and a little teddy bear from a shop he'd passed on his hurried journey there.

It was well and truly dark by the time he even considered returning home, because he'd rather be with his sweet baby than alone at home.

Now, Chi sniffs inquisitively around at the bundles of flowers placed on surrounding graves whilst Harry converses with his dead child's grave like she was as animated and eager as he remembered.

It's a little questionable for his sanity, but extremely helpful for his own mental health. And he's trying to fix them both.

He just wishes so much that he'd pushed for more tests in the hospital. If he could, he'd reject their diagnosis and prescription of heart medication and an inhaler for when her asthma flared up.

They claimed she had a weakened respiratory system and, subsequently, her heart didn't deal well under stress, mostly due to her premature birth.

They were correct.

However, they were entirely wrong when they sent you all home with a tub of medicine and advice to lower any potential stressors around her.

Harry remembers scoffing to himself; she was one, what could possibly be stressing her that much?

Apparently, a lot of things.

Your je t'aime's and her sweet giggles.

There's truly nothing better.

Auriele,

I understand completely about any emotion feeling refreshing. For a while, I felt immune to it. I cried and I got angry, but nothing ever really set in.

I'm thankful that I can feel now and it doesn't destroy me.

You're not at all a bad person, or a bad parent. Often, I wish I could forget about her. And not just to remove the pain for a day or two. Also, I appreciate the honesty.

Important things must be talked about first. And while this paragraph isn't quite at the top of my letter, it certainly is my most admiritive.

You're so, so unbelievably beautiful. Even more so, now.

Your eyes are still paradise. That picture is stuck onto the cork board in the kitchen forever.

We did absolutely everything in our power to help our baby. As soon as we noticed an issue, we took her to the hospital. Maybe they accidentally underestimated her condition, maybe they just assumed it'd be treated with that medication.

Either way, we helped her as much as we could. And you were, are, and always will be the most incredible mother.

Meline was lucky, truly. She loved you so much.

As it turns out, life can be our greatest enemy. It's difficult to control and even harder to accept, but everything happens for a reason, I suppose.

Leon and Aline sound wonderful. I know it's not my place, but tell them I said thank you for being there for you? You don't have to.

I've never known someone deserve a full, healthy life more than our sweet girl, and it's an injustice to steal that opportunity from her at such a young age.

She would've been two next week. I'm sure you don't need reminding, but I'm still trying to handle my feelings about it. I already know her birthday is going to be the worst day since she died.

Meline Risette Styles deserves the world, as do you. Please don't be afraid to take it. You've earned it.

Her name still brings me so much joy; little honey, pleasant little laugh. It was such an apt description, in her short life.

Life can always take more, but it gives things that are so wonderful. Sois optimiste.

Tout mon amour et câlins, Harry x

wattpad:

#harry styles #letters #heartbreak #sad books #harry

7 notes · View notes

yeli-renrong · 5 years ago

Note

I remember the phrase "sound it out" from school, and I vaguely remember learning something about long & short vowels or such and to (on Between the Lions) but I don't think I ever understood that or paid it any thought since there were so many exceptions. of course, that doesn't mean it didn't do me any good, just that I didn't consciously recognize that it did (perhaps explaining what non-phonic approaches to teaching reading could be contemplated to begin with?)

One non-phonic approach to reading instruction is based on the belief that reading is a process of integration of syntactic, semantic, and graphic (i.e. whole word shape) cues -- in other words, a series of context-based guesses. This model has no allowance at all for the fact that spelling isn’t completely irregular -- as far as it’s concerned, the English alphabet may as well be a logography!

The paper that originally laid out this model (doi:10.1080/19388076709556976) can speak for itself:

Simply stated, the common sense notion I seek here to refute is this: “Reading is a precise process. It involves exact, detailed, sequential perception and identification of letters, words, spelling patterns and larger language units.”

In phonic centered approaches to reading, the preoccupation is with precise letter identification. In word centered approaches, the focus is on word identification. Known words are sight words, precisely named in any setting.

This is not to say that those who have worked diligently in the field of reading are not aware that reading is more than precise, sequential identification. But, the common sense notion, though not adequate, continues to permeate thinking about reading.

Spache presents a word version of this common sense view: “Thus, in its simplest form, reading may be considered a series of word perceptions.”

The teacher's manual of the Lippincott Basic Reading incorporates a letter by letter variant in the justification of its reading approach: “In short, following this program the child learns from the beginning to see words exactly as the most skillful readers see them . . . as whole images of complete words with all their letters.” In place of this misconception, I offer this: “Reading is a selective process. It involves partial use of available minimal language cues selected from perceptual input on the basis of the reader's expectation. As this partial information is processed, tentative decisions are made to be confirmed, rejected or refined as reading progresses.” More simply stated, reading is a psycholinguistic guessing game. It involves an interaction between thought and language. Efficient reading does not result from precise perception and identification of all elements, but from skill in selecting the fewest, most productive cues necessary to produce guesses which are right the first time.

The argument in favor of this position is... a handful of case studies of reading errors made by young children! (And some Chomskyist stuff that I don’t care to work through.) And Ken Goodman, the author of the paper quoted above and one of the major proponents of ‘whole-language theory’, had some studies to back this up:

In a study conducted by Goodman (1965), students in grades 1-3 first read lists of words. Then the children were presented the same words to read in meaningful text. The students made many more errors when they read the words out of context (i.e., when the words were in lists) than they did when the words were read in context. This, of course, is consistent with the hypothesis that reading will be facilitated when semantic-contextual and syntactic-contextual cues are present (i.e., when words are read as part of a text) compared to when words are read devoid of context cues (i.e., when words are read on lists). This finding has been used repeatedly to defend the meaning-emphasis practice of teaching students to recognize words by analyzing syntactic, graphemic-phonemic, and especially semantic cues.

Nicholson (1991) detected several very serious shortcomings in the Goodman (1965) study, however. First, no attention was paid in the Goodman (1965) investigation of the patterns of performance by good and poor readers. In addition, the participants always read the lists followed by reading of the words in context, and thus there was the possibility that the improved performance in moving from list reading to reading in context might reflect some type of practice effect (i.e., the words in context had been seen before, on the lists).

In Nicholson (1991), students once again were asked to process words in lists and in context. In this study, however, the list-context order was manipulated such that some participants read the lists first and others read the words in context first. Moreover, the study included systematic analysis of reading as a function of the grade of participants and their reading abilities relative to other students (i.e., good, average, weak). The outcomes in this study were anything but consistent with Goodman's (1965) results:

- Some readers did benefit from reading the words in the sentence context -- namely, poor readers at each age level and average 6- and 7-year-olds. - In context, a positive effect on reading was obtained in sentence context for good 6-year-old readers and average 8-year-olds only when reading words in sentence contexts followed reading words in lists, consistent with the practice effect explanation of the original Goodman (1965) finding. - There was no positive effect derived from reading words in context for good 7- and 8-year-old readers. Indeed, when the 8-year-old good readers did sentence-context reading first, they did better on reading of the words in list format.

Oops!

In very simple terms: how do you prompt a student who’s struggling with a word -- “Sound it out!” or “Context clues!” (The teachers I had always said clues instead of cues; I don’t know if that was because children would be more likely to know the former word or if someone misread it somewhere in the chain of transmission.) And there are a few problems with that:

- No attention is paid to the process of encoding. Even if treating words as logograms whose readings are to be inferred from context works to teach children to read (it doesn’t), how are they supposed to learn to write? (At the height of whole-language theory’s influence, some states banned public schools from buying spelling books.)

- What happens if you hit a proper noun? Take the following sentence: “Notably, Ross' classification does not support the ☃☃☃☃ of the Tsouic languages, instead considering the Southern Tsouic languages of Kanakanavu and Saaroa to be a separate branch.” Context cues let you extract meaning from this sentence without knowing the reading of ☃☃☃☃, but if you have to read it aloud and you can’t sound things out, you’ll hit “Kanakanavu” and produce garble. (You might still be wrong even if you can sound it out, because stress is unwritten and English words aren’t marked for which rule-set to use -- consider the words alveolar and maraschino -- but there’s a difference between being wrong and producing garble. Garble will probably accurately represent the cues, including the vague, impressionistic shape of the word, but a stress or rule-set error will at least convey the spelling. Buegehti for Buttigieg is a good example of garble -- you have the word-shape cues (starts with Bu, most of the letters are there) and the semantic cues (weird surname from the periphery of Europe; I assume Buegehti is pseudo-Finnish), but it’s not even close, and probably unrecoverable without context. (So contextual information isn’t totally useless.)

- Even if the relevant actors were willing to accept lack of attention to spelling and inability to decode phonetic information that context won’t help you with in order to get gains in reading ability... there are no gains.

But, as things do, whole-language theory got a lot wackier from there. Its proponents started referencing Chomsky’s language instinct to posit a reading instinct, which, the theory went, would lead children to automatically acquire reading with no instruction necessary (except highly technical facilitation was still considered necessary, because if schoolteachers aren’t essential, what’s the point?); claiming that phonics actually impeded literacy; attacking opponents of their theory as part of a far-right conspiracy to suppress teachers’ freedom and destroy public education; calling whole-language education a ‘revolution’ that would lead to true liberation and model the egalitarian society of the future; and so on.

For example, Shafer 1998:

Over the years, various writers, politicians, and media sources have taken aim at whole language, vilifying its motives and misrepresenting its goals. While many of the attacks have come from a lamentable ignorance on the part of T.V. reporters and talk show hosts, evidence exists that a portion of it has been carefully orchestrated by conservatives who clearly seem threatened by the implications of a whole language curriculum. Indeed, the list of writers who have opposed whole language initiatives reads like a who's who of conservative pundits. William Bennett, Phyllis Schlafly, Cal Thomas, and Chester Finn have all written articles deriding whole language, despite its overwhelming acceptance among academic organizations and respected scholars.

Many theories have been offered as to why whole language has become so partisan and acrimonious - and why conservatives in particular seem threatened by its humanistic objectives. What seems glaringly clear, in the end, is that whole language - with its caveat for student liberation and control - scares people who want to maintain a hierarchical, top-down approach to learning. The threat of whole language, at least from my perspective, lies in its bold challenge to traditional icons and time-honored practices. Some teachers feel intimidated by the notion that their way is not the only way - that their favorite authors shouldn't be their students' favorite authors.

When students cease to be receptacles of information and begin generating their own ideas, they occasionally formulate theories that are disconcerting to those who want to maintain "authority" in the classroom. Thus, the recent controversy over teaching a literary canon and classes in western civilization helps illustrate the result of whole language - where students question rather than absorb - and where learning comes to be a very personal, reflective activity. "To study," argues Paulo Freire, "is not to consume ideas, but to create and recreate them" (4).

(On the same page: ��It seems clear that people learn best when they are progressing from whole to part so that they understand the importance of correctness and the viability of certain non-standard dialects in certain settings.” First, what the fuck is this supposed to mean? And second, I can’t see something like “progressing from whole to part” without having flashbacks to the polemics against Hegel from one of my philosophy professors -- the direction of progression and the concomitant assignment of more basic status to that which one progresses from, he said, was what distinguished Hegelian from analytic philosophy, and the Hegelian progression from whole to part underlay all the most prominent horrors of the 20th century. It was hard enough to quibble with that then, but it gets harder every time I see someone try to shore up nonsense with that ‘Hegelian’ formula.)

Edelsky 1993 (doi:10.2307/3587486):

Whole language (WL) is, first of all, a perspective-in-practice, anchored in a vision of an equitable, democratic, diverse society. A WL perspective highlights theoretical and philosophical notions about language and language learning, knowledge, and reality. In a WL perspective, language is an exquisite human tool for making (not finding) meaning. The WL view is that what people learn when they learn a language is not separate parts (words, sounds, sentences) but a supersystem of social practices whose conventions and systematicity both constrain and liberate. And the way people acquire that system or are acquired by it (Gee, 1990) is not through doing exercises so that they can really use it later but rather by actually using it as best they can with others who are using it with them, showing them how it works and what it is for (Smith, 1981). ...

Appropriating the label, the jargon, or the typical materials and activities of WL without taking on the liberatory (and therefore status-quo-disrupting) political vision, and without adopting a WL theoretical perspective, is a sure way to prevent genuine change.

And from the sewer of journalism, Metcalf 2002:

Why the infatuation with testing? For its most conservative enthusiasts, testing makes sense as a lone solution to school failure because, they insist, adequate resources are already in place, and only the threat of exposure and censure is necessary for schools to succeed. Moreover, among those who style themselves "compassionate conservatives," education has become a sentimental and, all things considered, cheap way to talk about equalizing opportunity without committing to substantial income redistribution. Liberal faddishness, not chronic underfunding of poorer schools or child poverty itself, is blamed for underachievement: "Child-centered" education, "progressive" education or "whole language"--each has been singled out as a social menace that can be vanquished only by applying a more rational, results-oriented and business-minded approach to public education. ...

Why is the same conservative constituency that loves testing even more moonstruck by phonics? For starters, phonics is traditional and rote--the pupil begins by sounding out letters, then works through vocabulary drills, then short passages using the learned vocabulary. Furthermore, to teach phonics you need a textbook and usually a series of items--worksheets, tests, teacher's editions--that constitute an elaborate purchase for a school district and a profitable product line for a publisher. In addition, heavily scripted phonics programs are routinely marketed as compensation for bad teachers. (What's not mentioned is that they often repel, and even drive out, good teachers.) Finally, as Gerald Coles, author of Reading Lessons: The Debate Over Literacy, points out, "Phonics is a way of thinking about illiteracy that doesn't involve thinking about larger social injustices. To cure illiteracy, presumably all children need is a new set of textbooks."

Whole-language theory isn’t as popular now as it used to be. But the underlying Lysenkoist tendency has taken strong root in L2 education, which is why most of the people in my second-year German class couldn’t properly decline the definite article.

Sometimes you just have to drill.

15 notes · View notes

dontreadthistrashgarbage · 6 years ago

Text

G O T 7 pt.5

JB's private studio was much smaller and less intimidating. Everything was in the same room, and there weren't any extra people there. Guerin couldn't help but fidget nervously as JB gave her some pointers based on the last recording session. She was looking at his computer screen with him when he shot her a glance, noticing her fingers tracing repetitive patterns around each other. He reached out and put his hand over hers to still her, turning casually back to his computer at the same time.

Guerin froze, looking down at his hand then back up to him as he gave a reassuring squeeze before moving his hand back to the mouse. Her chest tightened, sometimes he could be so chic it stressed her out. Even now he was acting like it was nothing which it very well could have just been a friend comforting another. Her brain went back to the conversation with Charlie before she remembered to focus on what JB was saying.

"Ah, sorry, could you repeat that last part?"

JB glanced at her, a slight smirk in place, fully believing he had distracted her, "I said, I think that's everything for now, are you ready to give it a shot?"

She kicked herself mentally, his expression was so cocky she wanted to snark back at him but her usual wit was hindered by her nerves, so she just nodded. JB handed her the headphones and adjusted the mic to her position.

Just like last time it was a bit rough at first, but unlike then JB offered support and feedback. He reacted genuinely and even laughed at some of her voice cracks, but she found it oddly comforting and it helped her relax and find her groove. His reactions would shift between cute praise, to simple eyebrow raises and nods, sometimes even exclamations if she hit a particularly difficult note. She couldn't help but fall into step with his mood.

"That's it. We got it." JB clapped once and turned in his chair to face Guerin as she beamed and removed the headphones. She did a small victory dance as she set the headphones back in their spot. JB held back a laugh.

"What?" She asked.

"It's a good thing you don't need to dance for this song." JB joked.

"Listen here you-" She raised her fist jokingly, making JB laugh again, "So now what happens?" Guerin asked.

"Now I put everything together." He said, turning back to the computer as she sat down next to him, looking at the screen.

"It's almost like another language." Guerin said, impressed.

"Nothing as intense at that." He shook his head, then began explaining basic parts of the programming as he started the process.

"I am in awe." She stated, "The creative process is so amazing. I love music but can't make it. Being able to do so is... mind blowing."

JB looked at Guerin who had moved unexpectedly close while he had been explaining the program. He studied her face for a moment before she looked up, curious about his silence.

"It's a compliment." She assured him, as though he didn't realize, "Your brain is special and cool."

JB tucked his chin into his neck and made an awkward face as a response. Guerin almost spit, covering her mouth as a laugh was startled out of her, volume easily matching Youngjae. JB just smiled as he waited for her to recover.

"What the hell?" She asked in delight, "Why are you so weird?"

"It's my special brain." JB shrugged. Guerin cackled again for a moment. Once she recovered he spoke again, "Guerin. There's an open mic night in a couple days. I go there sometimes to workshop songs. Will you come?"

"Like... to sing?" She asked apprehensively.

"No, just to support and give feedback." He said.

"Oh... yeah. I can do that." She agreed.

"Thanks Noona." He winked and held up a peace sign to his face for a cute moment before turning serious and going back to the song while Guerin was forced to recover from his unexpected attack.

Jackson was leaving for China the next day for some schedules for his upcoming album release. He wanted to celebrate with friends so he had a big get together, inviting all his fellow past trainee friends, Guerin and Charlie amongst some others. It was an odd mix of people, Guerin felt like she particularly stood out since her connection to the celebrity industry was tenuous at best.

"I'm not famous either." Charlie argued when Guerin voiced her nerves.

"Yeah but you work with them all the time." Guerin responded.

"You've met famous people before. You're even friends with one now." Charlie frowned.

"Yeah but usually that was in a very controlled professional setting. And Jackson is... different. I don't know." Guerin was starting to look more nervous. The two already stood out as obvious foreigners, but Guerin's sense of style made it worse. Charlie's purple hair and simple wardrobe helped her almost blend in, but Guerin's blue lips and green crop top felt more like regret than confidence to her now.

"You sound like you need a drink." Charlie turned her friend to a table so she could get started on some soju.

"Hell yeah I do." Guerin didn't need any convincing and went along willingly with the new plan. No sooner had they sat down then they were joined by familiar faces.

"You're going to need more people if you're planning on playing drinking games." Jinyoung had meandered over with JB. They both looked completely at home at the party, but they could have been wearing bathrobes and everyone else would have looked out of place.

"Oh, hi Jinyoung-ssi!" Charlie said as Guerin stood. "Jinyoung, this Go Guerin. Guerin this is Park Jinyoung."

They both greeted each other and bowed before sitting down. Jinyoung claimed a seat next to Charlie and JB nonchalantly slid in next to Guerin. "It's nice to meet you finally. I've heard so much about you." Jinyoung smiled at Guerin. He was so handsome her heart couldn't help but skip a beat. How did Charlie survive around him all the time? She glanced at JB before smiling to herself. The body finds a way to survive apparently.

"I hope it's mostly good things." She said in response.

"Excusively." He nodded.

"I haven't talked that much about Guerin to you." Charlie said to Jinyoung, puzzled.

"Oh, there's other people in our company that do." He said airily, unscrewing a bottle of soju and starting to pour out shots to avoid eye contact. Charlie and Guerin exchanged glances, then both looked to JB who was pointedly glaring at Jinyoung, waiting for him to look up. Jinyoung handed JB a shot first, making eye contact only then, he had to avoid laughing and instead handed out the rest of the glasses. Guerin raised her eyebrows but was distracted by soju.

After the first shot they began playing games and others came around to join them. The familiar Youngjae joined, along with Mark who settled on the other side of Charlie. Two new faces joined as well, Yugyeom and BamBam who would have been the youngest of their group. Yugyeom was now a choreographer and BamBam had many successful restaurants. The two especially were close friends. Yugyeom was on the other side of Guerin. She couldn't help coddling the tall maknae, he was so polite and formal with her and such a baby with everyone else.

"Stop picking on my son." Guerin admonished Jinyoung as BamBam cackled. "He's a good boy, be nice to him." She put a hand on his shoulder protectively.

"Yeah." Yugyeom agreed, a bit flushed from the soju.

"Guerin-ssi don't fall for it. It's an act." Jinyoung tried to reason with her. Mark and Charlie were giggling to each other beside him.

"No, look. He's just a baby." She pinched his cheek affectionately, saying in English, "Baby boy."

"Guerin, he's an adult man." JB tried to join in on Jinyoungs side. He somehow couldn't help but feel a little jealous with the attention his dongsaeng was getting.

"Well yeah. But he's also a baby." She shrugged.

"Noona, it's true, I'm a man." Yugyeom said with a serious expression, "But I can be cute for you if you like it." He said suddenly pulling out aegyo and making everyone at the table yell.

"What just happened?" Charlie yelled as she Mark and Jinyoung were in stitches. BamBam had fallen to the floor acting like he had been killed, Youngjae's loud laugh alerted the whole room to the event. Guerin had recoiled, her hand over her heart.

"I feel so attacked!" Guerin exclaimed, bumping into JB as she fanned herself. JB automatically put an arm around her as he leaned in to speak to Yugyeom.

"Ya, go easy on noona, she's weak to that nonsense."

Guerin had frozen when JB had moved in and she felt him behind her. She looked at his face next to her as he spoke to Yugyeom before willing herself to shake it off, but not before glancing at Charlie who had the most smug expression on her face. Jackson chose that moment to come up.

"Ya, what's all the commotion?" He looked at all of them with a grin that suddenly seemed a little forced when his eyes landed on JB and Guerin. The two separated subconsciously under his gaze.

"Hyung, Yugyeom is doing aegyo. It's awful." Jinyoung snitched readily.

"It was very good, just very unexpected." Guerin argued.

Jackson wasn't about to lose an aegyo competition if it meant showing off to Guerin. He forced his way between Yugyeom and Guerin and proceeded to use every opportunity to attack with anything from subtle pouts or small squirtle smiles to his more classic loud outbursts if he lost a game.

The party went on and they all broke off and intermingled. Jinyoung and Mark seemed to be vying for Charlie's attention so Guerin let them have it. She winked at JB and gestured with her head as she got up to walk away leaving the three on their own, so engrossed in their own conversation they didn't notice.

"I can't tell if she's blessed or cursed." Guerin said to JB quietly, referencing the trio they just left.

He glanced back and gave a half smile, "Maybe both."

"So I'm right? They both like her?" She cocked her head at him with a shit eating grin. He realized too late he might have given more confirmation than intended.

"Ah..." he was a bit tipsy from the alcohol and couldn't think of a clever way to backtrack, so he fell silent instead and shrugged.

"Oh come on, it's obvious." She laughed and patted his back reassuringly. He chuckled and rubbed his nose, still not trusting himself to speak. "It makes sense, she's a total catch." Guerin smiled, proudly talking up her friend, "If she picked one of them they'll be lucky."

"If?" JB asked, "Doesn't she like one of them more?"

Guerin looked at him with a smirk, "Trying to trick me now?"

He shrugged, playing it off as though he didn't really care, "I had to try."

"Well, as far as I know she doesn't even think either of them like her." Guerin frowned.

The irony of Guerin saying that was not lost on JB and he let out a laugh.

"I know, it's so obvious right?" Guerin said, mistaking the reason for his reaction.

"It really is." He laughed again.

"Noona, there you are!" Jackson found the duo after having left to socialize with other guests. He was an unrestrained extrovert and having the time of his life surrounded by friends. More and more people had left as the party dragged on and it seemed to finally be wrapping up.

"Hey Jackson!" She welcomed him back with a smile.

"It's so late, let me take you home." He said.

"You don't have to do that. I can get a cab." She said.

"I want to, I wanted to talk to you." He said earnestly. JB's reaction was nearly imperceptible, his mouth twitched slightly and his eyes flicked to his friend who was not looking at him. He focused on the glass he was holding instead.

"Oh... yeah okay. Let me make sure Charlie gets home safely though." She said, before the three of them headed back to the table.

"Hey Charlie, do you have a way home? Do you want me to call you a cab?" Guerin asked her friend.

"I can take her home." Mark said, before Charlie answered.

"I can do it. We live in the same direction, Mark, you'd be going out of your way." Jinyoung said, looking at Mark. Mark stared at Jinyoung for a few seconds.

"It's really okay I don't need as escort." Charlie said, her skin flush could have been from drinking or the idea of being alone with either attractive man, it was a mystery.

"You've been drinking. It's not safe. Besides, I'm heading that direction myself." Jinyoung pressed, putting a hand on Charlie's shoulder.

"Oh... uh... okay..." she said, turning more red at the physical contact.

Guerin couldn't help but feel a bit bad for Mark who had so obviously been railroaded. Guerin couldn't help but notice his expression was very subtly annoyed, but no one seemed to acknowledge it and he didn't say anything. Instead he turned back to his glass and finished off his beer.

"We'll head out first, if you're ready?" Charlie said as she stood, eager to put some distance between herself and Jinyoung. Her heart could only handle so much at one time. Jinyoung agreed and the two said their farewells, Guerin shot Charlie a look but her friend didn't reciprocate. Guerin chuckled, knowing her friend was nervous as the two left.

"I just need to say some goodbyes but I'll be ready soon!" Jackson said to Guerin.

"I'm not in a rush, take your time." Guerin waved him off, sitting back down at the table with Mark, JB following suit.

"I'm leaving too." Mark said standing suddenly. JB and Guerin waved him off as he forced a small smile and headed out, leaving the two alone. As soon as the door closed behind him Guerin turned to JB who had begun pouring the two of the a somaek.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Guerin asked, accepting the beverage gratefully.

"Hmm?" JB looked up, eyebrows raised unquestioningly. He took a sip, looking at the door Mark had walked out of, then shrugged, "Yeah."

Guerin frowned, unconvinced, "He looked upset..." she followed suit, drinking with JB.

"He'll talk if he wants to when he's ready." JB said. Guerin continued to look at him, so he gave a small smile, "No one can make Mark do something he doesn't want to. He'll either get over it or confront it when he's ready."

"It would just be a shame for Jinyoung and Mark to lose their friendship." Guerin said, casting her gaze down to her drink.

JB watched her pensively, then reached out his glass to clink against hers, "Jjan. Drink up." Then drank deeply. Guerin tsked but followed suit with a small smile.

"Don't worry so much. Focus on me. Let's just have fun." He said with a chic smile.

"Oof. JB." She pretended to be put off by his cheesy line, but the truth was it had made her stomach clench and her face felt warm. It really should be against the law for someone as attractive as him to be so smooth.

The two chatted for a bit before settling into a comfortable silence until Jackson joined them again. Naturally with him around the conversation ramped up until it was time to go. JB waved the two off and went his own way, sparing a glance back to their retreating forms.

"Sorry to put you out like this." Charlie said as they neared her apartment. Her and Jinyoung had chatted comfortably on the walk back, making the trek itself seem very short.

"It was nothing. I enjoyed it." Jinyoung assured her, a natural smile played at the corners of his lips.

"Well... I appreciate the gesture." She couldn't being herself to look at him, instead forcing a smile and turning to head inside.

"Wait, please." Jinyoung reached out and took her wrist, stopping her from moving away from him. She stared at his hand holding her, speechless. He quickly dropped it, "I'm sorry." He added hastily.

"I-it's okay. What is it?" She spoke slowly, translating her shocked brain deliberately from english to Korean.

"I wanted to say... I..." Jinyoung uncharacteristically struggled with his words and Charlie waited nervously. As he stammered out words, a motorbike buzzed down the alleyway past her complex with a large pile of rugs tied to the back.

"Look out!" She said in English, but it didn't matter because in the same breath she grabbed Jinyoung's arm and yanked him toward her and away from the road, backing into the wall of her apartment complex. Jinyoung shot his free arm up, landing it against the wall Charlie was against. He watched the bike disappear around the corner with a scowl before looking down at Charlie, inches away from him, under his arm against the wall in unintentionally close quarters. As she recovered from the shock of getting him to safety, Charlie was then stuck dealing with an issue of boundaries. She couldn't look at his face for more than a glance or two but his neck, clavicle and shoulders were hardly a better option. She licked her suddenly dry lips, "Ah... sorry, he just looked... close to hitting you an-"

"I like you." Jinyoung said suddenly.

"You... What?" She asked, surprised.

"I like you. I want to date you." Jinyoung added to his comment.

"... What?" She said again, shaking her head and blinking.

Jinyoung chuckled, taking her chin in his hand and moving her face to look at him, "I like you. I want to date you."

"You. Like me?" She said in disbelief.

He furrowed his brow, "Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. A thousand reasons. Do you really need me to name them all?" She argued insistently.

"You could if you want. But I like you. You're good at your job. Clever. Thorough. Cute. Fun. Smart. I look forward to seeing you everyday. Our shooting schedule is ending soon and I don't want to stop seeing you regularly." Jinyoung leaned in closer as he spoke, causing Charlie's breath to hitch in her throat.

"I... what do I say? I didn't see this coming?" She said breathlessly. She quickly continued, seeing Jinyoungs face fall as he waited, "I like spending time with you too I just... you never struck me at the... type?" She argued again, dispassionately

"The type to what?" He asked, brow furrowing.

"The type... to like me?" She added quietly.

"I'm being genuine." He almost pouted and moved back slightly, giving her more space. She was both disappointed and relieved, "But what do you feel?" He asked, clearly looking for an answer to his confession.

Charlie didn't need to think, she wasn't questioning her own feelings. Those were making themselves very obvious as her heart began feeling like it would pound out of her chest. She shut off her brain and all it's arguments and doubts. Her hands moved forward of their own accord, grabbing the front of his shirt to stop him from moving further away.

"I like you too, of course." She said quickly.

Jinyoung, being the experienced actor he was, controlled his facial expression and opted for an amused and cocky smirk as he looked down at her hands and back up at her, "Of course?" He teased her word choice.

"Oh god, stop." She blushed at the call out, sropping her hands and covering her face out of embarrassment.

Jinyoung dropped the act and laughed at her cute reaction, unable to help himself he pulled her into a hug. Charlie was trapped in his arms and it wasn't an unpleasant place to be but she hardly had time to react before it was over. They both hesitated awkwardly, unsure of what to say next. Jinyoung met Charlie's gaze, then glanced up to her apartment, both of them knowing the interaction had to end, but Charlie didn't want him to leave so soon.

"Do you... want to come upstairs?" She asked tentatively.

His eyes widened for a moment before turning his head slightly to look at her from the corner of his eyes questioningly.

"Oh god no, not like that, I didn't mean, no, I just meant to, talk or... oh god. Nevermind." Charlie stammered, half of her words in English.

Jinyoung laughed again at his adorable new girlfriend. He took her face in his hands, "I'd love to join you upstairs." He said smoothly, then kissed her forehead, causing her blush to return.

"Not fair." She pouted, then turned and punched her code into the building door.

"What isnt fair?" He asked.

"You're a drama actor and this is all new to me, so you get to be the cool one." She shot him a sulky look and moved inside as he laughed again and followed her.

Jackson and Guerin had been walking for a while, they kept doing laps around her apartment before they opted to walk along the river instead. Their conversation had developed more depth as they talked about their lives and history.

"I'm glad you were able to find success in your dream." Guerin said, "But sometimes it doesn't work out, y'know?" She took advantage of his language skills to relax and pepper her korean with english slang, "And I'm not unhappy, I just didn't see my life going this way." She shrugged.

"Are you happy?" He asked.

"Are you?" She asked in turn.

Jackson looked thoughtful, "Sometimes. I am right now." He cocked his head and she smiled fondly.

"It's a trick question. No one is happy all the time. It's just nice when it happens more than not. I think I'm there." Guerin nodded.

"Are you happy right now?" He asked. She was looking ahead and missed his expression.

"Yeah, this is a pretty good place to be." She smiled as she gave her honest answer.

Jackson reached out and took her hand, stopping so she had to turn to see him.

"I like you."

Guerin was shocked and didn't move except to blink at him, "You... what?" She was convinced she had misheard him.

"I'm happy with you. I want to be with you more. I like you." He said, his gravelly voice deepening with his earnest confession.

"I... Jackson?" She looked at their hands as he squeezed, nervously waiting for her reaction.

"Jackson." She started and stopped again.

"Noona, I'm dying here." He said with a nervous smile, shaking the hand he was holding and stepping closer. Her heart started up again full force, sending the blood back to her brain.

"Sorry." She gave a breathless laugh at how cute he was, "Jackson I don't know what to say. I'm surprised. I mean. I like you too-" his face started to light up, "But that's a lot to take on and I'm not even sure if it's romantic."

His face fell and he took a step back. It was her turn to hold onto his hand as he went to let go.

"Listen, Jackson, you're so sweet and kind and talented and unbearably handsome." He looked up at her, looking more than ever like a hopeful puppy, "I'm serious it's hard to look at you sometimes. I like being around you so much but I worry that we aren't compatible romantically."

There was a few moments of silence before Jackson spoke, "Then think about it." Guerin cocked her head at him, "I'm going to China tomorrow for my album release. Take the time to think about us and answer me when I get back in two weeks."

Guerin paused then slowly started to nod her head, "Yeah... okay. I'll do that."

"Now you know how I feel so think hard." He stepped close again, brushing his free hand against the side of her face then cupping her cheek as he made eye contact. She held his gaze as long as she could before she had to duck away, making him laugh as she exclaimed, "Ah, you're too powerful Jackson Wang."

It started to drizzle forcing the two to end the night. Jackson got her to her door, "Remember, think about me." He grinned boyishly, then leaned in suddenly close. Guerin took a moment to realize what he was waiting for. Turning her cheek to his face she tapped on her face in an invitation. Jackson gave a chaste peck, then exclaimed in excitement, leaning away. Guerin couldn't help but giggle at how cute he was.

"Go home, and dry off!" She shooed him away as the rain started to come down harder.

"I'm standing here until you go inside!" He called back, with a big grin, opening his arms to the rain.

"Oh my god." She chose not to argue and went inside before shooing him away again from inside. He skipped off happily. Guerin exhaled and shook her head. "What the hell." She said under her breath before starting up the stairs.

JB sat on the patio of his apartment, mostly sheltered from the rain other than a gentle splash back causing a build up of dew on him that slowly gathered and soaked into his clothes and dampened his hair. He held his camera, taking pictures of puddles, the lights through the rain and the people hustling below both with and without umbrellas. He was completely in his own head. Finally he got up and went inside to shower and warm up.

2 notes · View notes

chachaelt · 4 years ago

Text

FOR ADVANCED STUDENTS. Read the following article available on the Wall Street Journal website and answer the questions.

What cocktail parties teach us

The Brain Is Wired to Focus on Just One Thing; Which Tasks Are Easier to Combine

Melinda Beck on Lunch Break looks at the "cocktail party effect," in which people are able to focus on one conversation while being aware of conversations going on around them. Researchers say we can train our brains to maximize this kind of awareness.

You're at a party. Music is playing. Glasses are clinking. Dozens of conversations are driving up the decibel level. Yet amid all those distractions, you can zero in on the one conversation you want to hear.

This ability to hyper-focus on one stream of sound amid a cacophony of others is what researchers call the "cocktail-party effect." Now, scientists at the University of California in San Francisco have pinpointed where that sound-editing process occurs in the brain — in the auditory cortex just behind the ear, not in areas of higher thought. The auditory cortex boosts some sounds and turns down others so that when the signal reaches the higher brain, "it's as if only one person was speaking alone," says principle investigator Edward Chang.

These findings, published in the journal Nature last week, underscore why people aren't very good at multitasking — our brains are wired for "selective attention" and can focus on only one thing at a time. That innate ability has helped humans survive in a world buzzing with visual and auditory stimulation. But we keep trying to push the limits with multitasking, sometimes with tragic consequences. Drivers talking on cellphones, for example, are four times as likely to get into traffic accidents as those who aren't.

Many of those accidents are due to "inattentional blindness," in which people can, in effect, turn a blind eye to things they aren't focusing on. Images land on our retinas and are either boosted or played down in the visual cortex before being passed to the brain, just as the auditory cortex filters sounds, as shown in the Nature study last week. "It's a push-pull relationship — the more we focus on one thing, the less we can focus on others," says Diane M. Beck, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Illinois.

That people can be completely oblivious to things in their field of vision was demonstrated famously in the "Invisible Gorilla experiment" devised at Harvard in the 1990s. Observers are shown a short video of youths tossing a basketball and asked to count how often the ball is passed by those wearing white. Afterward, the observers are asked several questions,including, "Did you see the gorilla?" Typically, about half the observers failed to notice that someone in a gorilla suit walked through the scene. They're usually flabbergasted because they're certain they would have noticed something like that.

"We largely see what we expect to see," says Daniel Simons, one of the study's creators and now a professor of psychology at the University of Illinois. As he notes in his subsequent book, "The Invisible Gorilla" (co-authored with Christopher Chabris), the more attention a task demands, the less attention we can pay to other things in our field of vision. That's why pilots sometimes fail to notice obstacles on runways and radiologists may overlook anomalies on X-rays, especially in areas they aren't scrutinizing.

And it isn't just that sights and sounds compete for the brain's attention. All the sensory inputs vie to become the mind's top priority.

That's the real danger of distracted driving, experts say. "You regularly hear people say as long as your hands are on the wheel and your eyes are on the road, you're fine. But that's not true," Mr. Simons says.

2.5% The percentage of people who can multitask efficiently. Many more people only think they can.

Studies over the past decade at the University of Utah show that drivers talking on hands-free cellphones are just as impaired as those on hands-held phones because it is the conversation, not the device, that is draining their attention. Those talking on any kind of cellphone react more slowly and miss more traffic signals than other motorists.

"Even though your eyes are looking right at something, when you are on the cellphone, you are not as likely to see it," says David Strayer, a psychology professor and lead researcher. "Ninety-nine percent of the time, it's not that critical, but that 1% could be the time a child runs into the street," he adds.

Dr. Strayer's studies have also found that talking on a cellphone is far more distracting than conversing with a passenger — since a passenger can see the same traffic hazards and doesn't expect a steady stream of conversation as someone on a cellphone does. Listening to the radio, to music or to a book on tape also isn't as distracting, because it doesn't require the same level of interaction as a conversation. But Mr. Simons notes that even drivers may miss some details of a book on tape if their attention is focused on merging or other complex driving tasks.

Some people can train themselves to pay extra attention to things that are important — like police officers learn to scan crowds for faces and conductors can listen for individual instruments within the orchestra as a whole.

And the Utah researchers have identified a rare group of "super-taskers" — as estimated 2.5% of the population — who seem able to attend to more than one thing with ease.

Many more people think they can effectively multitask, but they are really shifting their attention rapidly between two things and not getting the full effect of either, experts say.

Indeed, some college professors have barred students from bringing laptop computers to their classrooms, even ostensibly to take notes. Dr. Beck says she was surprised to find that some of her students were on Facebook during her lectures — even though the course was about selective attention.

Still, she doesn't plan to crack down. "I just explained that doing Facebook in class means you will not learn as much, which will have consequences on the exam," she says.

Clearly, it is easier to combine some tasks than others. "Not all distractions are the same," says Dr. Strayer. Things like knitting, cleaning and working out can be done automatically while the mind is engaged elsewhere. But doing homework and texting simultaneously isn't possible. (Sorry, kids).

Even conversing and watching TV is difficult. "Just try conversing with your wife while watching football. It's impossible," jokes Mr. Simons.

PAY ATTENTION | How to stay in the zone

• Recognize your limitations. The brain can only fully attend to one thing at a time. • Make your senses work together. If you're trying to listen to someone in a noisy room, look directly at the speaker. • Focus on what's important. Many professions — from pilots to police officers — depend on keen powers of observation. Training and practice help. But experts say things like chess and videogames likely won't expand your overall attention skills. • Allocate blocks of time to specific tasks. Sometimes a deadline can force people to focus. • Avoid distracted driving. Don't talk on a cellphone, text or give voice commands while at the wheel.

ACTIVITIES

A - QUESTIONS

1. How does one of the researchers describe the phenomenon — the ability to hyper-focus on one thing we want to hear, even being amidst all kinds of noises —, avoiding the use of jargon and using clear trivial language?

2. Why aren’t humans good at multitasking?

3. What does one call the main cause of accidents brought about by unsuccessful attempts of multitasking?

4. Why were people who took part in the Gorilla experiment flabbergasted?

5. How do academics explain the results of such experiment?

6. Drivers talking on hands-free cellphones are just as impaired as those on hands-held phones because ______________________

7. What is the difference between looking at something and actually seeing it?

8. Which professions may lead people to train themselves to hyper-focus on relevant things?

B - WATCH THE VIDEO TWICE OR THREE TIMES AND FILL IN THE GAPS.

ANCHOR: What is the cocktail party effect?

MELINDA BECK: It’s a phenomenon where, in amidst of a ________ cocktail party, any kind of noises at a sporting event or newsroom... We are ______ ______ to focus in on the one conversation we wanna hear and somehow tune out everything else.

ANCHOR: And how come researchers and other scientists are _____ _____________ in this? Why is that? Why do they wanna know where this ability comes from?

MELINDA BECK: It’s part of this whole phenomenon of _________ attention wherein the human brain can _______ _______ focus in... _______ on one thing at a time. And this is a survival skill, you know, we’re _________ bombarded by this _______ and _________ stimulation. We couldn’t survive unless we could focus in like this. But we can also _______ ________ focus on one thing at at a time, and that’s... That’s what’s an issue in __________ driving and all other kinds of limitations of multitasking.

ANCHOR: Are there people who... Is there a small percentage of people who _________ have the super ability to focus on more than one thing or is that ???????????

MELINDA BECK: Yes, researchers at the University of Utah have found some of _______ people in the course of their other research. They think it’s about 2% of the population. The _______ problem is that most of us think we can do that and that can have some __________ consequences.

VOCABULARY

Copy the sentences where the words in bold below originally appear. The first two examples have been done for you.

- The brain is wired to focus on just one thing.

wired: in a nervous, tense, or edgy state : not much sleep lately — I'm a little wired. • under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

- Yet amid all those distractions, you can zero in on the one conversation you want to hear.

amid: preposition

surrounded by; in the middle of : our dream home, set amid magnificent rolling countryside.

• in an atmosphere or against a background of: talks broke down amid accusations of a hostile takeover bid.

yet: nevertheless; in spite of that.

to zero in: to take aim with a gun or missile: jet fighters zeroed in on the rebel positions; to focus one’s attention: they zeroed in on the clues he gave away about.

to pinpoint: to find or locate exactly: one flare had pinpointed the target / Figurative: it is difficult to pinpoint the source of his life’s inspiration.

to underscore: to underline, highlight, emphasize.

innate: inborn, inbred, natural.

to be buzzing with: (of a place) have an air of excitement or purposeful activity : the club is buzzing with excitement.

to turn a blind eye to: to pretend not to notice.

oblivious: not aware of or not concerned about what is happening around one: she became absorbed, oblivious to the passage of time | the women were oblivious of his presence.

to toss: move or cause to move from side to side or back and forth.

to vie: compete eagerly with someone in order to do or achieve something; to strive for superiority: contend, compete.

as long as: provided that, on condition that, on the assumption that, assuming that... we’ll take care of the horses as long as can stat at your house while you’ll gone.

impaired: disabled, handicapped, incapacitated; (euphemistic) challenged, differently abled.

to drain: to cause something to be lost, wasted or used up.

to converse: to engage in coversation.

hazard: danger, risk, potential source of danger, peril, threat, menace, problem, pitfall.

ostensibly: apparently or purportedly, but perhaps not actually.

to crack down on (informal): to take severe measures against: we need to crack down hard on workplaces that break safety regulations.

#EFL #ELT #advanced #advanced students

1 note · View note