#I dont know if I will elaborate I may be too emotional to do so ever

[mcybree]

Sorry if im inconsolable for the next week I was given a crushing realization about dl!scott and pearl and im never going to be the same again. and the universe said cry bitch mental anguish for eternity

[ging-pegger]

Pls can u do ging x reader and reader is gon mother?

THANK YOU - ging x reader

a/n: this prompt is almost two years old. i apologize for the wait and hope it was worth it. warnings: spoilers (chimera ant and election arcs)

summary: after hearing about gon's injuries, you rush to swardani city to see your son, and confront his father. word count: 1,133

the air conditioning system hummed loudly as you sat across from ging in an empty meeting room inside the headquarters of the hunter's association.

there was a feeling of uneasiness, and anxiety that plagued you. it had been years since you had last seen ging. thirteen to be exact.

you had made a heartbreaking departure from him and your son many years ago, due to circumstances outside your control. and now you sat here, heartbroken, looking the man you once loved unconditionally in the eye, now filled with anger and hatred.

how. how could he have let this happen? how could he be so irresponsible? how could he be so immature?

your son, gon, was currently in the hospital. not only was he beyond recognition, he was also in critical condition, facing death every moment with no one having any clue how to bring him back. the moment you heard, you left everything behind and rushed to swardani city, fearful that your son may die before you ever got to tell him how sorry you were for leaving.

you had spent almost every waking hour at his bedside, sobbing. sobbing so hard you thought your lungs would collapse, so hard that you had to gasp for air. crying until you were numb, and the hospital staff gingerly escorted you out of his room, explaining to you that visiting hours had came to a close.

"you have a hell of alot to explain to me, ging." your eyes were red and puffy, with dark circles underneath. it was clear that sleep wasn't something you had been familiar with the past few weeks.

"i dont know what there is to explain. i don't know much more than you do, and frankly i don't appreciate you pinning this on me." he hissed, clearly bitter. after so many years the only time you had made an effort to see him was now. and it was to scold him.

"how could you leave him?" you asked, your voice shaking, the tears began to well in your eyes, burning them.

"hey, i could ask you the exact same thing." ging took no time to remind you that you had also left.

"i left with confidence you would take care of him-"

"but you left so really what right do you have to turn up after all this time and ride my ass about things outside of my control!?" he snapped, his brown eyes were fixed on you, burning a hole right through you.

"at least i came to visit him, that's more than you're doing asshole!"

"did it ever occur to you that i CAN'T go see him." ging replied curtly. he wasn't one to outwardly express emotions frequently, but you could tell something was different this time.

once more the room fell to silence, the air conditioning unit the only sound to be heard, were you not in the middle of the concrete jungle that is swardani city, you likely would have heard crickets chirping.

"what do you mean you can't?? of course you can he's practically right next door!" you angirly hissed back in response. how dare he insinuate hes too busy to see his own son who was barely holding on to life as you spoke.

"that's not what i mean and you know it." his expressionless facade was fading, you were cracking through the mask he paraded around with to look tough. you were seeing a part of him nobody had ever seen, except for you.

you stayed silent, eyes trailing down to the faux wood grain table. waiting for him to elaborate. you knew from past experience this could take a matter of minutes or more. but you waited nonetheless for him to finally speak.

"i don't think you understand the guilt i harbor, ___." ging finally spoke up, his eyes locked onto yours the moment you looked up, not allowing you to escape his gaze of honesty.

"mito knew. . . she knew I'd always be the same guy. she filed for custody of gon, she said my line of work was too dangerous, and that i wouldn't be able to take care of him properly. and to my surprise, I sit here today and admit, she was right." ging spoke, his voice remained level headed and cool, he didnt allow the emotions to play part in how he spoke.

he took a deep breath in, eyes flickering to the ceiling. "despite all the training and trials i laid out meticulously for him to get stronger..." he trailed off.

"i don't know what i would do differently... had he been with me would this still have happened or worse? or would it have been avoided all together." he rambled on a bit longer.

"why didn't you just say all this before, ging?" you asked, brows furrowing, tears still falling softly from your cheeks.

"psh.." he made a face, one lined with disgust, a rare change in emotion.

"ging. it's not your fault."

his eyes darted back to you. "since when do you have a sudden change in opinion?"

"since we've made it to this point in the conversation. " you replied curtly, following suit of his answers prior.

ging mumbled under his breath. "from what i hear he's a lot like you. he's got your optimism." ging responded blankly, a pang sent through your heart as you were brought back into the blinding reality of why you were there with him.

"are you going to do anything to address the issue at hand amongst the zodiacs?" you questioned, checking the clock in the wall. the others could burst in at any moment. "you know its causing a lot of pressure on their backs during the election. many of the hunters are well aquainted with or know of gon, they expect answers and they expect you visiting him.

"it's none of their business to be frank. that's the problem with this whole association, ___. everyone believes theyre entitled to a slice of other people's lives. especially pariston. i'm sick of him being up my ass about this whole situation. " ging rambled on and on about his hatred for pariston but love for the hunt for a few solid minutes before switching back to the current topic.

"look, what i mean to say is, they can spread all the rumors they want, i'm not changing. and i'm not inviting them into our life."

oh ging... still as shy and stubborn as he ever was.

"wait. ___, before you go..." ging spoke, his face flushing and his nerves beginning to tie his vocabulary up in knots. "thank you." he said loudly, though the distance between you and him was nowhere near needing of such volume.

the air conditioning finally kicked off, leaving you in a room of dead air and space. you checked the clock again, the rythmic ticking began to inidicate the nearing of the next hour, when ging would be expected to meet with other zodiacs.

you stood up, pushing the chair you had been previously occupying in and gathering your personal effects. "i suppose it should be time for me to drop back in at the hospital. i hate being away for so long." you turned, reafhing for the door.

"for what.....?"

"coming back."

[notmyprey]

Small vent cause I swear I keep seeing this, and it just bugs me. Im not angry, I'm mostly just sad that this is where we are right now.

Guys, can we not harass others. Unless they are hurting others, what is harassment going to do? Make them sad? Make them hate themselves?

People can, in fact, have different likes and opinions than you. As long as they are not actively hurting people, hating others, or being mean, what is wrong with what they are doing?

Liking sfw vore, extreme cuddling, or any of its other names is not something that one should be harassed over.

Likeing vore in a sexual light is not something to be harassed over.

Liking it both ways is ok, too.

Also, the fact that some people are going out of their ways to harass people who like vore (sfw or nsfw) in a fatal/digestion context is so sad.

I personally dont find vore sexual. I personally dont like fatal (in the sense that the prey is dead completely and isn't a ghost or anything that still has a presence).

But here is the thing. I dont need to like and/or understand it to respect it. I dont need to like spiders to respect people who keep them as pets. I dont need to like the idea of having children to respect those who do.

People. You dont need to understand their feelings. You dont need to feel the same way. But they are people too. They have feelings. They are more than just text on a screen.

I know I may seem like a flat, one dimensional person since I post 1 type of content here, and thats how many people who like vore make their blogs too, but I am a human behind the screen.

Just, please. Respect others. I know, many people here are hurt. I know many people here have trust issues, and unfortunately, a draw of the vore community is that need for trust. But having healthy boundaries, having a healthy outlet that's not an anger filled rant (*will elaborate on what I mean at the bottom of this), and having someone to ask "can you make sure this is me talking, and not just my initial reaction" are things this community needs to work on.

If I were to give any advice, it would be to wait a minute before you post a vent, rant, or anything along those lines. Walk away for a minute, come back, and reread it. You may find that some of what you type is your initial anger, fear, or hurt speaking, not you.

I want your real voice to be heard, yall, and sometimes to do that, you need to step back for a moment. So before you send that hate message, before you post that rant, please ask yourself:

"Is that me, or what I was taught"

* I want to elaborate on what I mean by anger filled rant.

What I consider an anger filled rant is when someone finds something they dont like, and decid to attack it.

Instead of making something informative, they make something emotion filled. This isn't always bad. But this can be bad if the thing they are attacking is something that is not hurting others or themselves.

So in short, what I mean by anger filled rant is, a rant that attacks something that is not harmful.

I dont condone harassment towards anyone, but I do understand an angry rant if it is about someone who is hurting others. Again, that is not the thing I am referencing. I am not saying someone being angry at another for hurting people is wrong, it isnt. People should be angry at people getting hurt.

So yah, thank you all for reading this. I just needed to get this out there.

Guys, btw, this is not sfw interaction only for me (if you're rb you wanna make sfw only thats ok, def enforce your own boundaries) cause:

1. I feel like this is important for both sides

2. I have a 'if I dont see you, I dont care' rule cause I have given up on trying to blog all nsfw ppl lol. Sides they aren't monsters or anything. Just ppl. Still dont want them rbing or commenting, but liking my stuff is fine.

[hajihiko]

Now that youre done with v3 may I ask about what your final thoughts on each character are? (Briefly, if you dont feel like elaborating too much-- like a senstence each maybe?)

Ok warning for opinions: I'm not head over heels for a lot of the cast

Shuichi- sweet boy I like his emo vibes (both in jest and also how he's actually pretty emotional)

Kaede- sweet girl gone to soon :'( why do this to the girl Protag

Kaito- fun guy I like him I hate his hair. Hypocrite (character trait) (not moral judgement) (affectionate)

Maki- grew on me a lot her expressions are cute. Also hypocrite (same brackets as above)

Himiko- good voice acting and I guess the character development was pretty good! Never grabbed me as a character tho

Keebo: my beloved. I didn't think he'd be so important! Thank you for being helpful and rational sweet robo boy.

Tenko: I've been told the translation made her a lot more aggressive than the original Japanese text but she sooooo annoying about the Degenerate Male thing and it was too much of her dialogue

Angie: most fun design, biggest cutie. I know she was kind of sinister sometimes but I forgive her BC I actually enjoyed the time she was on screen.

Korekiyo: coolest design, actually kind of intriguing character, but then the backstory hit... I dunno I could continue to be interested I guess but it's a little weird now.

Miu: I liked her more at the start but then I feel like she didn't grow at all? It's like she started being a bit different when Kaede was still protagging and then she just didn't stop being The Overtly Loud And Suggestive One.

Gonta: darling. Precious. Probably one of the saddest cases :(

Ryoma: I'm biased because fsr I liked him from the start. Didn't get a chance to develop much. Get him some therapy.

Oh my god there's so many of them aughshdh

Rantaro: pretty and good voice. What a waste of a good design since we didn't get to see him do like anything

Kirumi: I like her potential and I probably would have ended up liking her if she'd lived, but kudos for being one of the few calm and helpful characters.

Tsumugi: props for being incredibly unassuming if I hadn't already known. They really made her just boring enough to be not suspicious, but not too boring to be suspicious again. Annoying voice tho

Kokichi: only surpassed by the monokubs in how much l don't like him.

Monokubs: die

[sweetsundazed]

design + editing: the ramble

i.e. why design is oftentimes important to editing and especially edit composition

*note, not guaranteed to be helpful or even comprehensible *also note, i am by no means a pro at either im just some guy

to start off, there are two important aspects of design id like to cover, principles of design and elements of design.

what are principles of design? the principles of design are pretty much "design rules" and while the idea of "rules" may sound off putting to some, especially since typically when you think design you think creativity, theyre very important to having a strong piece. honestly id think of them less as rules and moreso as "guidelines" to help you create. not knowing the principles of design wont stop you from making something pretty, but knowing them will likely help you know how to better put together your edits. furthermore, knowing these principles will also help you figure out how to break them. the basic "main" principles of design are kinda funky in the way that many sources will give you many different, yet similar, answers as to what they are. generally speaking though, youll end up hearing about balance, contrast, movement, white space, proportion, emphasis, unity, pattern, and some others too!

what are elements of design and what are they used for? the elements of design are core parts of really any sort of visual art. they help artists convey a certain mood or atmosphere, help draw the viewers eye to a certain part of the piece, or even just help to express/bring out emotion. using the elements of design help to also create a composition that looks pleasing to the eye. the seven elements of design are color, line, value, space, shape, form, and texture

i'll only really be going in depth about balance and white space in this post. if youre interested in learning more about some of the things i dont elaborate on i heavily encourage doing your own research! theyre interesting to learn about. of course you could always send me an ask about it too, but theres no guarantee ill explain it well.

ill be starting off with balance. balance is pretty straightforward, it really is just visual balance. basically youre making sure you have an equal distribution of weight on the image through an imaginary line straight down the middle. improper balance is what often creates that feeling of emptiness that looks off with some edits. because the edits contents arent visually balanced our eyes are picking up on that and are going "hmm somethings off.." try to not leave a large, empty gap on your edits (like on banners). also try to make sure that both sides have a good balance of heavier, more eye-catching elements and lighter, less bold ones.

white space is the empty space on your canvas. it might seem unimportant and you might feel the urge to just cover it all up, and sometimes doing just that works out, but white space can be very important to the overall appeal of the image. if an edit is too crowded it can be too overwhelming and viewers may not have an idea as to where they should look. the spacing of the elements in your edits is important. this also relates to balance! with white space you want to make sure the ratio of white to black space is balanced/consistent throughout the entire edit. the white space of your edit is also a tool, so make sure to utilize it to help draw focus to the main part of your edit (usually a character youre editing)

anyways i hope this was helpful for someone. of course you can take all of this with a grain of salt if youd like to, its not my edits and you can do whatever you want. happy editing!

[lightningandfireinmybones]

whaddub giiiirls! Live from my desk, hunched back like Quasimodo, full of mildly cold orange juice because it's been out of the fridge for a while and with the A/C on because my house feels like the basement of hell, I AM BACK WITH MY AEMOND THOTS!

um... long post... im so sorry, i dont think read more works for asks i had promised you them and now that i am in a good -relatively speaking- place with my assignments, I am back with the ch. 7 thoughts.

Aemond learned how to swallow past the emotion clogging his throat, to operate with his heart outside his body.

it's not just the breakup that made him operate this way unfortunatelly. Aemond in every universe is doomed to be the second and capable son of an unworthy father, too preoccupied with his losses to appreciate the people around him. I must once again restate the general consensus that the green kids were the exact thing that Viserys prayed for and still his hubris (however valid the reason behind his self inflicted grief may be) blinded him.

Aemond grew up knowing that he is the only one on his side, him and the very few people who do love him yet are unable to do much since they hold no real power to help protect him.

It made him colder, meaner, smarter, sharper. 

whatever doesn't kill you fucks you up mentally. Hey i know this girl, Valaena, the two of them would hit it right off!

It was an explosion he’d throw himself into repeatedly for the privilege of having her hurt him. 

him and Val are the same person, the same trauma except in different font and just expressed in an opposite manner. but the trumatized basis is there. Aemond may have had the control in their relationship and between the two of them however when it came to himself he really didnt have any control? like..

their relationship wasnt bad because of their dynamic but because of the Quality of said dynamic. Many people overeat or skip meals but not everyone has an eating disorder, if that makes sense. Their relationship was in that first stage i feel doomed from the start because the reason why thei came into it wasn't all there? I will elaborate more on this further down bellow if it isn't clear what i mean by this.

The anxiety that wracked her little form melted away, the pressure in his own head relieved by the way she gave in to him completely.

Their relationship at that point, I feel like, was not a partnership exactly? they were both too into their heads about this, too preoccupied with their trauma and with using each other as a balm, as an escape and as a way to make everything fall into the background that to an extent is was a quite selfish relationship? There was Love, undeniaably, passion, a bit of obsession, posessiveness, but that was more as an expression of each other's internal fear and anxiety towards their life rather than a well communicated and healthy thing. (i am still unsure as to whether or not i am expaining myself accurately)

Then, she’d left and taken the sunshine with her.

the way this must have hurt? this would have devastated him. not only to lose your lover, the girl you are in love with, the person you practically live with but also to be deprived of your main support person, your ride or die. We saw the exact same thing with Val. She knows all this which is why she is so terribly guilt ridden. she went through the same - if i may use the word- violent emotionally breakup. not physically violent but deffinitely violating.

like a new wound, a raw and infected one unable to heal.

In the two weeks since she escaped him, time has congealed into a meaningless mass of rage and fear and anticipation and something else. Something that tasted like satisfaction, like Valaena was finally fighting back, clawing her way back to him.

i can't imagine how complicated all those emotions must be for him. he isn't used to analysing them really, or voicing them even to himself. But the relief of at least having her back is palpable.

it must feel like the first drops of rain after a harsh devastating drought. My emotions how dare you Autumn?

Time was cruel, but not as cruel as Aemond is going to be when he gets ahold of Valaena again. // Valaena was playing with fire and he intended to burn her for it. // If either of them survived long enough to get there.

get her ass. sickos everywhere rejoice, you were meant to burn together except not in a self destructive way because ilysm and you both deserve the world so may the embers of your love grow into a warm flame of love

 Anything less than perfection was failure.

Aemond babe, i know right? i keep telling my therapist but she wont agree with me

“She’s in Dorne and safe,” Aemond clips out, returning to his files.

i love how the word he goes for is Safe because that's what it comes down to. it's not she's having fun, she's taking her time, she's enjoying herself. it's she is S A F E . because that's his greatest fear at this point. that something will go wrong, that he will lose her, that she will be hurt. not just bc of the Cannibal but previously as well bc of herself and her disregard for her own well being.

The agonizing peace he must feel knowing that she is doing well, is trying to get sober, and is just in a serene and safe place working on herself and getting some well earned rest... my loves!

[...] a cloud of incredibly expensive perfume taking him back to being eight years old, clutching one leg, Valaena on the other, Luke on her back.

i love the way you write his relationship with Rhaenyra. i hate how the show never bothered to show us the relationship of the siblings because bad blood or no, the very first years before Rhae had any kids it's more than normal to assume she liked her siblings and played around with them. I love how you show that and may your period cramps remain forever a thing of the past for including this.

the big sister vibes who isn't just a big sister close in age that you can curse at and be a bit cunty towards and give as good as you take. Instead the older sister who is a mature person, who acts a bit like a motherly figure, as a wise friendly more experienced person. And especially here it's not like he can hide from her.

Rhaenyra too fucked her uncle but also like... babes... you and Val haven't exactly ever been subtle about each other. Especially Aemond is as tactful as an elephant dancing on thin ice when it comes to his feelings for Val, and Val in general. Mr Unhinged Feral Hungry Simp

“You think she’s coming back to me?” Aemond can’t stop the words, a rare vulnerability, a chink in his impenetrable armor.

A PRECIOUS BABY

Laughing softly, Rhaenyra cups his scarred cheek. // [...] just presses a soft palm against his skin and gives him the benefit of the doubt. 

Give Aemond his regular tactile affection 2024! explicitly do NOT make it sexual. that man needs the everyday, unassuming, familiar display of love in this manner. fucking like crazy doesn't mean this man isn't touch starved and that's a hill i will doom myself and my entire bloodline upon. HE NEEDS THE SOFTNESS. imagine not having the warm and comforting touch of your mother, everytime she sees you she is retraumatized by your trauma. how would that make a small child feel? a child who cannot differenciate between the nuanced feelings of adults and his own confusion and fear and guilt over his perceived faults.

AEMOND MY BELOVED

Running yourself into the ground won’t do anything. You need to get it together, too. Fix yourself, let her fix herself, then maybe you two can work on fixing whatever is left between you two. Make sure you’re both worthy.”

nothing but facts. they need to be 100% into their own selves, they need to be in control of themselves and their emotions and not go around like emotionally damaged half life zombies. they won't be able to find peace and happiness with each other until they start feeling good about themselves. until they stop hating who they are and stop self crucifying themselves

He’s spent his whole life working to deserve her and she’d left anyway. As much as he loved Valaena, would worship the ground she walked on, he knew she had her own demons.

firstly, OUCH OH GOD FUCKED ME UP OH JEEZ GOOD LORD UGH. Aemond beloved, loving someone and having them love you back has nothing to do with "deserving" the other in this sense. there's no point past which you can say one is enough and appropriate for another, or a list to check things off of. my heart hurts for this

but also that last line.. dang but that's such an important thing for him to realize. because yes, she does have her own trauma to sort out and so does he. and that isn't a bad thing or anything. it's just him realizing that she doesn need space to do her own thing and i LOVE how this comes right after his thoughts of not deserving her. like... they both exist as individuals long before they can be only in reference to one another.

that's such a big thing for him to realise and he does it so casually after this one talk with Rhaenyra i love him so much you dont understand!

That Valaena has her reasons for doing things, even if he doesn’t understand them now.

YES KING EXACTLY!!!!! it will ALL be okay! trust! you just need to heal first (first on their own and then together as one solid unit)

Maybe he’d lost himself in it a little, too. Maybe part of him had always been missing, lost in duty and responsibility foisted upon him.

yes baby he just keeps on giving and giving yes Aemond!

Back when they’d been together, he’d laughed freer. He’d taken joy in things, in riding and live music and his education. He chafed under his father’s thumb, but he’d been more himself. 

exactly!!! i love these two lines so much bestie you don't understand!

he'd been more himself! he had his support, he had a person to confide in, to share the burden with and to have them lean on him too! he could help her, communicate with her, share her love and their days together, show affection and be familiar with someone! once they get back to it relieved from their use of their relationship as an unhealthy coping mechanism they will be so happy! and they will deserve it too! no more guilt ridden Valaena, no more fear of the future from her, no more unclear boundaries and no more anxiety ridden Aemond.

your honour i just need them to chill together and vibe ya know

For Valaena, wasn’t it worth confronting himself? Even if the thought of opening up to a therapist makes him want to skin a man alive, he can do it for her.

for her but also for himself. confronting oneself is hard work and tough work. i love him so much you dont understand

skipping a few paragraphs, the Cannibal has some balls but also an extreme lack of self preservation instincts. Bless Dalton i guess? Who also needs to learn how not to try and get himself killed. he.. i... Sir?!

You are going to talk to Aemond Targaryen like THAT about HIS NIECE and expect what? you did this for what? no no i'll wait.. go ahead.. name the reasons... dang

Your niece is a right freak in bed. Such a fucking slut [etc. etc.]

girl you done lost your mind. fare thee well

When Dalton dies, Aemond wants to do it slowly, precisely, with privacy to make him suffer.

you know what.. he earned this one. but also he kinda deserved it too. like... bless Dalton fr fr . oh to be there and see the shock in Aemond's eye. the sheer "!!!!" in his face, ya know? The man was too stunned to speak, for like a milisecond

Aemond sighs, adjusting his eye patch, eyes roving over the crowd to make sure the Cannibal hasn’t circled back now that Dalton is out of the way. “She’s okay?”

IM IN YOUR WALLS YOU WHORE!!!!!!!!! IM ALSO IN THE TRENCHES BUT TRUST I AM IN YOUR WALLS!!!

She looks at him like she sees through him and is not impressed with what she finds.

FUCK HIM UP MOMM- Help him heal Doctor. (i want to see her deontologically and ethically STEP ON HIM during therapy. make that boy see sense and heal his trauma girl)

Gods, she was beautiful. She was beautiful and she was insane and she was going to destroy him.

i can see him looking at her with a devastated, helpless, burning look, already sex drunk even though he hasn't even let himself take permission to touch her yet (that evening!! because trust that man is delulu, babe there's no modesty to be saved you are both HORNY MONSTERS). simp! aemond is top tier aemond

His niece (gods! His fucking niece, who he’d already crossed so many lines with) 

Aemond is also in your walls, screaming, crying, throwing up

Just him. It was just him and his niece in this cabin, snow picking up outside the rattling windows.

i love how he thinks of her as his niece yet. not allowing himself to use her name, resisting to the familiarity of it, insisting upon her title to keep himself in check

“You had to run away from school to a cabin with only one bed and no cell service with a blizzard on the horizon?” Aemond asks as he follows her to the bedroom if only to distract himself from the way her ass jiggles beneath the thin protection of the silk.  She’d run away to this cabin and had packed that nightgown. Valaena was a menace. 

KILL HIM!! GET THAT FATALITY!! RUUIIIN THAT MAN VAL! I AM ROOTING FOR YOU WE ARE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU

i will combust when we found out the full extent of their past

Candles are on nearly every available surface, dripping fat hot drops of wax on expensive furniture. 

waxplay when?

she shrugs, leaning back onto her elbows. It throws her chest forward, a practiced move.

serving CUNT!! before she serves the actual- oh you know what, i wont be crass. she is a baddie tho and that i Will mention (RIP Alyssa Targaryen you would have LLLOOOVED your great grandaughter. also Saera Targaryen, you would have appreciated her as well)

“Eyepatch too,” she instructs, a molten heat in her eyes that can only spell trouble. He complies, sliding into the king-size bed.

i am FERAL. hide nothing from each other!!!

“Don’t,” Aemond grits, grabbing her wrist before she can trace his scar.

She smiles beatifically at him, tightening the thigh she has draped over him. “It’s just cuddling, Kepus.”

oh she.... evil woman... she's evil... most definitely!!!!!

he's been calling her niece in his mind and she goes and does THAT! what a serve

 I will never be just your uncle again. I will never let you go. I will consume you.” The little siren sighs, shifting so she can wrap her legs around Aemond’s waist. “Big talk for a virgin.”

i- no comment..... she threw him on the ground and she keeps on kicking him, she won't let him have a moment.

“Why would I want gentle when I can have you as you are?”

girl bye... im done commenting.

[...] Shall we see if we can get you a third?”

i lied.

In that lavender haze of her eyes, he sees a future. He sees chaos and eternity and a purpose. He sees what she needs.

valaemond brainrot until the universe freezes over

“You called me a slut,” Valaena mumbles, her nose sharp on his collarbone. He takes the opportunity to press a kiss to the top of her head. He huffs a laugh, brushing hair away from her face. “And I think you liked it.” A sharp grin, showing off her canines. “Thank you.”

“The only responsibility I care about is you, Valaena. I think about you all day. Has Valaena eaten? Has she drunk enough water? Is she wearing thigh highs or stockings today? Did Valaena laugh today? Is she happy, taken care of? Will being with me make it better or worse?”

make it stop i've had enough!!! stop stop stop STOP!!!!!!

I love him so much. i am indeed chewing glass because even if he doesn't fully realise it, or calls it as such, he is so down bad for her. so in love... so... i.. i need to know when it really started. when he realized Oh Shit.. this isn;t just going to go away. the care he has for her??? and to know that despite all that love they still had to break up even if it was for the better? to know that THIS is what was in line? that THIS is what they're making their way back to? what they are both striving for? my heart

“Because I want to be with you, too. I choose you, Aemond. I’ll always choose you.”

and soon enough Aemond will truly feel that in his bones and understand it and will be able to find this solid thing, this dependable thing inside of him that will KNOW he deserves and has earned that love freely given just as Valaena will with the love freely given from Aemond.

you killed me dead bestie fr.

im so sorry it took so long for me to get back to you with this but i was getting my ass handed to me by Uni.

the newest chapter was amazing as well! we're all so glad to have you bag from your vacation, you deserved all that time away and the new scenery after these past months. i hope you're doing amazing and if you are still abit sick i hope you feel better and get well soon (iirc you were a bit under the weather, or was that during your time away?)

in any case! what an amazing work same as always. soft drunk off the recond free aemond in the newest chapter was also amazing. im assuming some time has passed between his therapy session and him arriving in Dorne?

“Don’t,” Aemond closes his eye, burrowing deeper into the pillow the way he used to do to her bare chest. “Don’t give me softness you’ll regret tomorrow.” “I won’t regret it,” Valaena whispers, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at him.  “Prove it,” Aemond orders imperiously, eye still closed.

prove it. prove you wont hate yourself or feel uncomfortable for the affection you showed me, for bringing me back into your life despite maybe not being sure you want me there. Prove you are okay with me, prove we are good, or at least we are better with each other. and she does...

even if he wont remember tomorrow she tells him about that one night where everything really hit her and it all came crushing down, unravelling from that point foreward. their time together was really uncomfortable to read. you managed to portray Val's freakout excellently because myself reading this... it made me feel lowkey triggered just like her. it felt like being suffocated, like being pushed down and unable to move and escape. and the worst part for her was that the only person who could make her feel better was the person who freaked her out.

i understand how to Aemond it may have been nothing but honestly... reading from her pov it was Just TOO Much, just the way i believe you intended it to be. i love val, she.. i just get exactly where she is coming from.

and i have to say Val is one of my favourite characters Period. she is exactly what you meant for her. a flawed, sometimes making mistakes but mostly trying yer best and failing as well as succeeding. i think she is an incredibly strong female character exactly because of this. you can only be brave when you are scared. and that's exactly what she does. she fumbles, she avoids, she is harmful to herself but she always deals with the situation, she always strives to make it work and works hard to earn that.

incredible work bestie from the bottom of my heart. <3

BESTIE

IVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS FOR FAR TOO LONG trying to stop kicking my feet and blushing and form a coherent response,,, the brain cells aren’t braincelling but I can’t keep reading this to myself every morning lmao it needs to be shared

THE TRAGEDY OF AEMOND,,, being viserys’ foil, building himself into something worthy for those that will never see it and appreciate it the right way

And Valaena,,, cursed to be always aching for something she can’t have, drowning in the legacy she fear and respects

I 10000% get what you’re saying and thank god I aimed for it!! Their relationship during the early years is the right person, wrong time, as neither of them had the emotional fortitude or strength to hold themselves up

They solely held each other up with no thought or concern for their own emotional/psychological structural integrity

And that weakness was only revealed when they ripped away their support beams from each other, leaving just the internal rot and negligence they’d put into themselves

So they have to heal themselves first!! And while aemond might not be able to admit it and say that, he recognizes that for the first step it is, when Valaena starts working on herself actively and with intention to do better

BUT HE IS ALSO A SICKO SO HE WILL NEVER ACTUALLY LET GO!! AN OBSESSED KING

But above all else, Valaena

And her safety first, mentally and physically and emotionally

I AM A SUCKER FOR SIBLING BONDS AND I REFUSE TO BELIEVE RHAENYRA GIVES UP ON THEM SO EASILY

and we come back to aemond and Valaena having to learn to exist outside of each other before they can exist together!!! Aemond rediscovering joy and Valaena rediscovering herself!!

THEY NEED TO HEAL!!!! AND THEY ARE!!! HEALING AND COMING BACK TOGETHER!!!

And vixen Valaena had to make an appearance eventually! Scandalizing poor virgin aemond!!!

I’m too dead to write a more eloquent response like this deserves but I want to say thank you!!

I cannot express the depth of how grateful I am you took the time and effort to write a thesis on valaemond!! It humbles me and brings me such joy and happiness to see you like Valaena and can think this much about my passion brainrot project!!!

[cyb-organ]

whaddya think the fates of the yabusame sibs will be in 3-2? will they have any major plot impact? will they have one big defining moment? will they DIE?? idrk so I wanna hear the expert’s thoughts!! (and do you think the reko/Alice decision will have an impact on logic route?)

oo this is interesting! okay i have quite a few thoughts bear with me here.

also just for ease, i am only referring to emotion route unless i say otherwise

oh and im gonna put it all under the cut cuz its pretty hefty i apologise

will they have any big plot impact? i personally believe that every character has pretty big plot impact, but i know thats not what you mean so i will give an actual answer. im not sure if they will have MORE plot relevance than other characters, especially since theyre only there in one route (although, i have seen people theorise that emotion and logic will have seperate plots completely, which is interesting). i think plot wise, there isnt alot that they CAN impact yk? midoris gone, hinakos gone, and those were the big moments. i mean, that was a huge moment in alice lives route, the hinako reveal was such a huge plot moment, and to my knowledge it wasnt as big boom powpow in rekos route as it was in alices. i think that reko'll have one of these moments (please she needs a w). we still dont know her first trial. i think we'll find out what it is in 3-2 (the same applies to gin and kai but this is about reko). and i feel like alices first trial was pretty plot relevent so the same could apply here. as for alice specifically, i have a feeling that the memories that safalin erased will come into play. yttd has established a pretty big theme of humanity/how can humans be altered or changed and alice erasing his memories of reko is a pretty huge example of this. i highly doubt that it wont be relevant. also again, hinako moment was a pretty big plot impact. im not saying that he won't have any more plot impact, but i feel like in 3-2 he won't have a single big reveal moment because, well, it's already happened.

big defining moment this is just me elaborating slightly. i think all the first trials we dont know about will be relevant, and that includes reko's. on top of that i do think that while her arc is mostly coming to a close, i think she very well could have a big personal character moment, this may be wishful thinking cuz i love her and want to see more of her but whatever. to be honest, i don't fully see HOW her first trial is going to be relevant, but there has gotta be a reason for it being hidden this whole time. alice's first trial seemed irrelevant until it wasnt so! alices big moment, as i said, has gotta be related to his memories. i refuse to believe that he just erases his memories and moves on with his life, it just seems like a copout and i trust nankidai more than that!

will they die? to be honest, i dont think so. they very well MIGHT but i dont know! i think there will be at least one route where they die, but i think itll be avoidable. again. very well may be wishful thinking. but truly i think that either of them surviving to the end, possibly even escaping, would be a huge win for their character arcs. particularly alice who has very little to get back to. for him to fight on, to move forwards, despite knowing this? i think that'd be hella cool thematically! the idea of hope, and the idea that being human is to fear death are pretty big themes for the game, so for character like alice: a prisoner, who's already lost his sister and hasn't talked to the rest of his family in years, to not give in and to escape anyways would really fit into that. he doesn't have too much to live for, but that doesn't mean he should die, yk? (also would be an interesting parallel with kanna). reko, similarly but also on the other hand, HAS people to get back to, she has her band. and her fans. shes a public figure, her kidnapping was probably a big deal, making national news headlines, so it'd be nice to see her escape, also playing into the idea of hope both for her personally, and for everyone else; everyone in the death game and, yeah, her fans. additionally, because she is famous, her escaping could be detrimental to asunaro. she could out them completely as criminals, it would be a huge fucking deal. realisitically, im not sure if thats going to happen but its a possibility!

will choice affect logic route? honestly i have NO idea. i think most realistically, no, considering alot of people play chapters seperately to each other and will be starting from 3-2 without any link to any previous saves. there wouldn't be any point in having a "who died" choice for the yabusames at the start of 3-2. hopefully speaking, maybe. i think it could be interesting seeing how it affects sara, especially because she was incredibly close to reko. reko's death in logic route would obviously hit her alot harder than alice's so it'd be interesting seeing the differences there, but very likely the choice won't matter. emotion route on the other hand, i have a feeling theres gonna be a big difference in 3-2 between alice and reko lives, not sure what it'd be but. something's gonna happen. might be first trial related who knows

this is like half "what i think will happen" and half "what i want to happen" and i cant tell which is which.

tldr: alice gets his memories back, we find out rekos first trial, there is at least one route where they survive their respective routes, and the choice is relevant in emotion (all theory)

anon i am literally so thrilled that i am considered the expert is this, i really hope all of this makes ANY amount of coherent sense. 🫶

[melonkittii]

hello. im ready to make a thread of my initial thoughts

spoilers under the cut for the eleventh hour gn (obviously) (also its a pretty long post lol)

the opening sequence caught me fully off guard and i like it so much. pair it with the dramatic irony of them yelling at barry towards the end. juicy stuff. love it so much

my favourite running joke with lucretia is her introcard always having some veiled reference to The Events. one of her proficiencies being 'remembering the dead' certainly holds true

lucretia ^v^ face is real. look at her.

i noticed the running background joke of affirmative mugs that aren't actually all that affirmative. it was very funny. World's Sheriff

the ren and taako scene. i feel no need to elaborate

speaking of that though, the opening to magic lessons starts a running motif of taako being actively bad at fire evocation, despite telling everyone that he remembers being very good at it. i wonder if he had someone close who would do that for him instead

i like that taako actively cares abt the others' wellbeing, up to and including waiting for them to join conversations, etc. its noticeable that he pauses and waits for everyone to respond before he continues. he cares ok

ren <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

the lucretia monologue from merle's lunar interlude is, in my opinion, as an expert on Lucretia Moments (tm), one of the most fucked up things she ever says. and seeing it in the comic definitely made me feel a type of way. i love you lucretia. i want to shake you around so bad

correct me if im wrong but lucretia and merle laughing is the first time lucy's ever gotten silly in the comic right? they tend to cut her jokes in favour of playing her more seriously but it was so sweet and refreshing to see her being so comfortable. makes me so excited for the stolen century comic

extremely mad that the "shoulda leaned away" "I LEANED AWAY" joke was lost. but not as devastated as losing the skeleton DnD debate. they cut all of the best travis moments from the arc

changing their death count from like, 8? to well over a hundred was an interesting choice. i think it works well to convey the narrative stakes a little better since they cut the old-june interludes.

i dont know if this was intentional but starting the last loop on chapter 111, which is the exact amount of years that the stolen century and lonely decade span, made me insane. this may be just an innocuous choice though. who knows

losing redmond and luca makes sense definitely and i love more ren screentime but man the running bit of griffin attempting to foreshadow lup over and over again and noone ever getting it is so dear to me. edward and lydia are definitely a better set for that though. rip skeleton man

istus <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 i cried a little over her in my twitter live tweet. kissing the pages

[static noises] in taako's chalice sequence was fully expected and yet i still got blindsided by it somehow. i had to put the book down for a little while. it was the only panel that made me do that

cried a little at glamour springs too. he looks so sad :,(

the crying at taako's sequence certainly didnt prepare me for the emotional state i went into ravens roost in. magnus burnsides i am holding you. i am holding you. i am h

little june looks like istus and i think that is so incredibly good.

YELLED OUT LOUD WHEN THE RED RBE APPEARED. OBVIOUSLY. IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SCENE

i already mentioned the dramatic irony but what i love the mot abt this sequence is how like, stressed out barry looks. like he has no grip on this conversation whatsoever. it conveys his desperation really well considering how imposing he's (tried to) be in all other scenes

taako saying lup's name out loud after barry says it is profound to me because one thing that's always fucked me up in the podcast is that before he remembers he never once says it. its always "L-U-P". barry is the only one who remembers how to say her name. so seeing taako say it now was like. gut punch. ow

ignore the rest of this thread because taakitz date is real so who cares about anything else /j. i missed my man so bad. so happy to see him around

i KNEW the drawing would be the ending stinger and it STILL got me. FUCK the suffering game comic will be so good

[its-tea-time-darling]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 🤍

thank you so much for asking crest <3 compiling this list made me emotional in the best way possible, and i probably should reread my fics more often, like you seem to do!

incredible, the pieces we put out there and create, really! and i guess their meaning to ourselves can sometimes be forgotten about a bit when it's so easy to focus on reader engagement. well, here we go!

1) I May Do No Harm (Thomesa, rated E)

definitely my favorite fic i have ever written, and honestly i think it'll stay that way. it's an elaborate and heart-felt fix-it for if teresa had survived.

Teresa survives, she jumps from the burning building into the aircraft. Everyone is hostile towards her, and Thomas has to convince them to let her live. They move to a removed place on the island, try to settle into their new life and find their place in the community.

2) little, little blessing (rated G)

set in the same universe as i may do no harm, about a miscarriage. definitely packed my childhood memories of how it was when my mom lost the little sister i never got to have. it was very emotional to write, but also very wonderful. plus i got to explore a kid at the safe haven having down syndrome, which my little brother has, so really i got so much out of that fic! - contains spoilers for i may do no harm!

3) Snow On The Beach (Brenda/Teresa/Thomas, rated T)

the tmrss fic i wrote for @transrevolutions last year. packed all of the early twenties joy and sorrows into that one, from worn out shared flat couches to internalized homophobia and nelly furtado. and i gave thomas a brother with down syndrome, which made me happy.

Girl meets Girl, Girl meets Boy, everyone progressively more confused until the author slowly tortures them into polyamory.

4) this is what makes us girls (Sonya/Rachel, rated E)

i dont even fully know what to say about that one. your fic crest (Thou Shalt Not) made me somehow emotionally access the 2000s type of homophobia directed at girls. one of the most personally meaningful fics i've ever written.

5) Peace (Thomesa, rated M)

- on which there are two comments from you crest that i regularly think about and that make me very very happy, but that i still have not replied to yet.

basically teresa has a very rough time, the friend group and her relationship with thomas break apart, and we set in when she gets back again. it's very messy and raw but gave me a lot of hope while writing it, too. the friendships in that one mean just as much to me as thomas and teresa's relationship does.

Teresa left, and never told him why. What happened, and will they find their way back to each other again?

[crippledasinfuckyou]

Hi Stevie. I hope this is okay to ask as I wasn't sure where else to turn, or if there's other blogs suited to this sort of ask. I saw a post you reblogged about being chronically exhausted and struggling due to being exhausted all the time/with small tasks versus what's a normal amount of tired and realized I may have been living with something for a long time that I didn't know wasn't normal, but I didn't know who to ask for advice since the original poster has left Tumblr and most of the notes were just saying it wasn't normal to have all of them but not how to get help. I was going to seek out a doctor but didn't know what specialists to consult as I've dealt with so many doctors who say my health problems are in my head or "you're too young to have this" only to go through years of testing and FINALLY find the thing that's wrong on some tiny test or other that they didn't think/want to try.

Since this chronic exhaustion crap is ruining my life as it gets worse I don't want to wait years and years to even potentially be heard/get help that isn't being told it's fake or just being told to get even more sleep. I'm losing emotional support of people in my life who think it's laziness or me "not trying" when really it's exhausting and takes a couple hours just to get up and moving at the start of a day much less anything else. Sorry to send such a long ask when I know it's probably a lot and I hope you're having a nice day, thank you for running this blog!

Hi, im sorry this took forever to get to. I know exactly what you're going through and i know how much it sucks.

I dont know if youre looking for advice or just venting, so if you're just venting- I'm here. I know the pain and I will always be willing to listen- If you'd like a quicker response than I give to asks, message me here or on my main @turnaboutstevie, I will always answer DMs asap.

If you're looking for advice, I'll put it below the cut:

One thing I learned, both from my appointments and from my time as a carer is that doctors are more likely to get off their asses and do something useful if you have someone with you when you ask them to. Another person can back you up, can corroborate what was said in the appointment and can help you to complain. Take a friend, family member, someone from a local disability group or even ask the surgery for a chaperone. You are in safer hands if you're not alone.

Secondly, write EVERYTHING down. write what you want to say and what you are experiencing before you go in. Keep a symptoms diary if you can. In the appointment write down what you say, what your doctor says, what treatment course is mentioned etc. Try to get it exact as you can. It is much easier to keep your head if you have what you want to say in front of you, and much easier to push back or lodge a complaint when you have what is said in writing. If they say theyre going to refer you somewhere, ask them to send you a copy of the referral letter. By email or post, it doesnt matter. Just keep it safe. If they refuse, make sure you get in writing why they are refusing to share the details of your care with you. That's information you have a right to. Document EVERYTHING, so that you're never left either not sure you remembered correctly- or in the worst case where you need to complain, without evidence.

Similarly, ask for an explanation for everything. If you're given a reason why you can't be experiencing it, ask for an elaboration. Write it down. If they choose not to test, ask why. Write it down. If they are testing, ask what they think the tests will help detect. Write it down. If they refer you, ask who to and how they might be able to help. And yes, write it down. Understanding exactly what is happening in terms of your care will help you pinpoint things that aren't helping. If they run a blood test and it shows nothing and next time you bring it up they say they'll blood test, its way easier to explain why you don't want another one if you know why you had the first. Many doctors are unfortunately, shit, and will try to do the bare minimum and pull the wool over your eyes to shut you up. Don't let them.

Finally- if they aren't helping, ask for someone else. Most doctors surgeries will have a staff page on their site, listing credentials and specialties. See if there is anyone at your surgery who specialises in what you're going through and ask to see them. Hell, change surgeries if you have to. You can always ask for better care or a better doctor- its YOUR health. Not theirs. You are in charge.

[1111jenx]

How would you describe Lilith in the 1st house/Lilith conjunct ascendant? 🌹

Ofcourse!

As someone who had Lilith 7H, I have met (too) MANY Lilith in the 1st house people😆

Lilith in the 1st house🦇

1st house rules over the body, our physical appearance, our conscious sense of self and our focus in life. Having Lilith present here means the native literally embodies and exudes the truest form of Lilith.

Something about these people awaken others' sexuality. Whether it's good or bad depends on the aspects. Positive aspects indicate others admire, obsessed over these natives' darker energy and even dream about having sexual affairs with them. (TW!!) Negative aspects, esp towards Mars or Pluto can literally mean abusive encounters. Others yearn for their darkness and grow addicted to 1H Lilith people, disregarding Lilith's own intention and free will. It's so fucking sad sometimes.

These people once again, were not bullied when younger, but more like they received way more isolation(?) from people. 7H Lilith suffers as a child because they were criticized for their natural sexuality , mature energy but 1H Lilith simply feels as if they themself were rejected as a whole person. Not just a part of them.

Crippling anxiety, fears of abandonment can be a big theme. May have an extremely complicated relationships with sex, physical appearance, and personal expression.

Their mother/a parental figure may have been hard on them. This parental figure might have been extra harsh on 1H Lilith natives. They may have been shamed for their sexual preference, their sex life, their appearance and even how they come off by their own parents. Therefore, these natives sometimes feel "unlovable".

They tend to stay close to what they already knew pretty well rather than diving into the unknown. (but a part of them will always willing to go to the extreme)

DEFENSIVE. DONT CRITICIZE THEM FOR THEIR FEELINGS. be there for them only.

People literally want to fuck them. I'm so serious it's horrifying sometimes. People simply want to have a taste of them, to let their "darkeness" consume them even though there are no emotional attraction whatsoever . These people(Lilith 1H) are aware of this. They can subconsciously feel it or may have even experienced a good amount of incidents as such to realize this sad reality. This is why they tend to act very cold, detached and mean. They push people away. They like to test people because they need to know, do you people love them for who they are or just who they can be in bed.

It sounds very much like a joke but if these people want to be with someone for the long-term. They would hold off the sex. And they should. Let me elaborate, I've seen this happen so many times! This is their ultimate "test". Lilith 1H native would want to see how you're going to handle this, are you feelings for them deep enough to overcome your own primal need? If not, the door is wide open!

Sex with them will get you addicted. You've been warned. Especially when you're emotionally connected to them. You'll keep going back for more and more and more and at one point they'll slowly pull away as they fear you're using them for their bodies only.

Lilith in 1H can't help but struggle when it comes to self love. They spend so much nights turning and twisting their bed sheet wondering if they'll ever find someone who can love them, who is it that is their soulmate? This is especially true if you have Lilith in Libra 1H. They also attract a crazy amount of Pluto/Mars energy into their life.

A need to put on a facade. Growing up, they may have been told that they're only lovable when they act a certain way, or when they present themselves in a certain manner. They resent this yet fear finding out the real answer to whether or not it is true.

Rebels. Pure rebels at heart. Sometimes they just want to break all the rules. Break all the norms.

Developed placements may embrace the rebellious nature of Lilith. Think women who are not afraid of dying their armpits to "prove a point", or men who are not afraid of wearing dresses to go against societal norms. Simply want to send a big fuck you to the universe tbh. Activism can be a big theme. Real fighters when they believe in something.

No one understands pain and trauma like they do. Once they made peace with their Black Moon Lilith, they can become healers who send out guidance for people. Think retired alcoholics at your AA meeting:) I'm joking but not really.

Oh also may have a complex relationship with substance and drugs. They're sooooo prone to finding an "escape" when things get too stressful. This is especially true if the natives already have a lot of negative Neptune aspects in tight orbs!

Most likely to say something extremely mean and offensive but honestly didn't mean it, it was because of "the heat of the moment"

People with this placement all of have some kind of triggers. Not the "icks" but ones that would seriously get them raged up.

Tend to have darker hair or darker eyes. Looks like Scorpio Rising but less about physical appearance but rather more about their "aura".

That's all I can think of right now:) Again please take aspects into consideration for when reading these notes y'all!! Give your Lilith 1H friend a hug LOL

love,

saint jenx🥀

[angsty-nerd]

Meta: Echo’s Big Fight in 3x09

Let's talk about the Big Echo fight. Because wandering around in the fandom this past week, I’ve seen a lot of very specific conclusions as far as what they were or weren't arguing about, and I’m not sure my take on that scene really aligns with other folks. So let me try to break it down a bit and give y’all an alternative perspective on it.

To start with, the scene opens with Max on edge because they're breaking and entering. Liz is singularly focused on the mission, and he's kinda freaking out. Instead of responding to his concerns, Liz gets straight to business.

"Ooh, ooh, this is interesting. Heath left Genoryx two days after I did. Must have realized he didn't need to be working underneath their corporate thumb."

Liz is kinda projecting here. Heath never once displayed any discomfort with Genoryx as a company the way that she did. He wanted her to stay. He wanted the resources there. We know these things as an audience, and Liz would too if she was thinking through the big picture at this point in time.

Max, on the other hand, doesn't know any of that. Here's what Max hears from Liz: he hears surprise. He hears Liz acknowledge that this is unexpected news. And right as he’s processing this unexpected reveal...Max sees Heath's Wild Pony t-shirt.

Weird coincidence #1 from Max's POV was Heath (the guy who is currently so pissed at Liz that he won't take her calls) supposedly rescuing Liz's science out of the good of his heart so that Genoryx doesn’t get their hands on it? This doesn't add up.

Weird coincidence #2 was Heath quitting Genoryx - a decision Heath made that Liz wasn't expecting.

The Wild Pony t-shirt is now the 3rd thing that doesn't add up. And if the t-shirt clue isn't adding up for you, see my post about it here:

The T-shirt is strike 3 for Max. He can't really pretend that he's not suspicious of Heath anymore. So he broaches the subject with her.

"How much do you know about this guy, Heath? How close were you?"

Max is feeling uncomfortable and looking for more information. He's trying to make the clue make sense. Why would Heath have the T-shirt? Does he have a connection to Roswell that Liz doesn't know about? And Liz doesn’t listen.

"This isn't the time to be jealous about a boy I met."

For all that Liz is clinical and on mission, she jumps very quickly to assuming that Max is NOT on mission. Yes, Max is inherently more emotional than she is. But throughout the episode he's been asking questions about Heath and NOT JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS. That's one of the keys to me here. Max really is trying to give her the benefit of the doubt about him.

At Liz's house, he asked about "the boyfriend" but he wasn't doing it in a jealous or judgy way. If anything it could almost be interpreted as concern. He started with "were you happy" and only when Liz kind of metaphorically admitted that any happiness was a façade...that's when he brought Heath into it. And yeah, Liz says that he impacted her life and helped her grow, but she didn't exactly express romantic feelings that would make Max jealous. So when she basically jumped straight to the jealousy assumption instead of actually discussing this with him, he starts getting worked up. Because she is not hearing him. She is not acknowledging that the facts they have found during this investigation are not adding up. So he is honest and blunt about what he's thinking.

"I'm just saying it's possible that he took your one-of-a-kind alien spores and quit, so that, just like you, he could use the research himself, free of Genoryx."

Max is the one who brings the science into this conversation. Not Liz. And he's not criticizing or questioning HER application of the science. He's questioning the trustworthiness of Heath. Because the lies are starting to jump out at him like a friggin’ neon light.

BUT — now that he's specifically brought up the science, he has her attention. Because Max questioning her science is HER sore spot. So what does she say back to him? Something kinda judgy.

"That grand trust speech certainly had a short shelf life."

Side note: I really don't think there actually was a "grand trust speech" in this episode. I can think of a few scenes where there might have been an opportunity for one. In particular during the milkshake scene when he admits to saving her tapes. But they actually don't talk about trust in that scene. They talk about having hard conversations. They talk about moving forward instead of looking backwards. But they don't talk about trust. My guess is that there might have been content cut for time at some point in this episode, that may have included some grand declaration from Max, but that's really just speculation on my part.

Regardless…Liz's response to Max bringing up the science is to basically accuse him of not trusting her. Which is not what he was saying. He was not questioning her use of the science. He was questioning her trust in Heath through the context of her science. So he elaborates on what he IS saying, and as he does, he's getting more and more worked up...because this does relate directly to his personal fears, and, frankly, his buried trauma that he's never properly addressed.

"I trust you. Okay? But I don't trust some guy I have barely met with a secret that could endanger me, could endanger my family and break the frickin' Internet if it came out."

Max doesn't know Heath, and he doesn't trust Heath with a secret that could endanger Michael and Isobel. His emotions are escalating, because now he's thinking about the science that scares him in the hands of a guy that all signs points to being potentially untrustworthy, and he's triggered.

BUT he doesn't back up his argument. He doesn't point out the very specific evidence he's identified that Heath is probably lying to Liz.

And Liz is inherently reactive and sometimes overly defensive (see 1x09 list of Liz's flaws). So even though he's focused on Heath, she immediately reacts defensively and takes it as a criticism of HER.

"You think I would let myself be conned?"

"No, I think you came out here looking for a partner, and it could blind you."

*deep breath* and this is where it starts to get personal. And rough. Max isn't entirely wrong here. But he also kind of is. Liz didn't choose Genoryx for partnership. She was looking for resources, freedom to do the science she wanted to do, and to save her father from deportation.

But partnership? Yeah, Liz wanted that. But she wanted that from MAX. She was looking for partnership in life, not in science.

And now that Max has thrown that direct criticism out there, Liz is going to throw a bomb right back at him.

"Just because you sabotaged me when I thought you were mine does not mean that Heath would take the same path."

Ouch. This is the hardest line in this whole scene for me to work with. Because it is combative. And purposefully hurtful.

BUT…she is NOT TALKING ABOUT HER SCIENCE. She has not said a single word about her science in this argument. She moved past that. She had the epiphany that she was wrong and she apologized (3x03). That is in the past for her.

This argument, for Liz, is about betrayal. This is about her believing that they were going to be partners and move their lives forward together (2x12), and right when she believed in that future, Max made another massive decision that directly impacted her life (just like he did in 1x13) instead of working with her to make big decisions together.

"And just because you changed the wallpaper doesn't mean you've mended your blind spots."

I really hate this "change the wallpaper" line. It feels like they're mixing metaphors. Liz called her life a commercial. Max is saying that she's changed her decor. Like...pick one and stick with it.

That aside… I think this barb is about her arrogance. Earlier in the scene, she seemed baffled at the idea that Max believes she could have been conned by Heath, because Liz is used to always being the smartest person in the room. She thought she was smarter than Diego and he figured her out. She believed her lab was secure, but Diego (possibly) got in. Sometimes, like most scientists, Liz is so bogged down in the complicated, brilliant details she’s thinking through, that she misses simple things that contribute to the big picture. And I think that's what Max is getting at here. In her arrogance, she believes that she can control the Heath situation. But she's not acknowledging the human factor here - that Heath is a person who may have his own unspoken ulterior motives driving him. Just like Diego did. She's just not seeing what Max is seeing.

BUT - again I'll say. Max is also not communicating the scope of the evidence he is collecting. They're both wrong here.

"I have learned my lessons, but you... oh, my God, you sound an awful lot like the guy who blew up my lab. So forgive me, but you're making it perfectly clear why I felt like I had to go and change the wallpaper."

This is the only line where Liz even comes close to talking about her science, but again, she's talking about his betrayal. She's talking about him undermining their partnership. She's talking about her need for a change of scenery from HIM.

And that’s when Max blows out the safe and they put the fight on hold to finish their investigation.

But, to sum it up…the fight was all about trust and betrayal. It was necessary for them to work through it, though frankly? I wish they could have finished the discussion. Because instead of them coming to some sort of peace with their trust in each other, the truth came out about Heath, Liz realized that she was wrong, she apologized, and they moved forward together, on mission.

I can’t help pointing out though…after the fight and Liz's epiphany about Heath, Max and Liz spent at least 15 hours in a car together. And I'm sorry, I refuse to believe that they didn't talk about anything important for 15 hours. Fic writers assemble? 😆

Many thanks to @ober-affen-geil for doing a quick review and checking me on opinions vs facts. Very important.

And for my next trick… road trips, life choices, and Robert Frost! Coming soon to a Tumblr near you…

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead. 

[obsessive-ego]

Just go with it

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Lewd mentions

Beetlejuice needs you to pretend to be his fiance or he's in trouble

"Babes?"

...

"Babes, wake up"

....?

"Y/n wake up"

What?

Was your first thought as you are shaken awake by the ghost who has made your home his, you mumble out something unintelligible as you grope around for your phone, you cringe as the bright light of the screen blinds you, as your eyes adjust to the light you groan, 4am.

"Beetlejuice, what-"

"Okay, babes, no time to explain but I need you to pretend to be my fiance" despite the odd statement beetlejuice sounded a tad worried.

"What?"

"Long story short I may have said a few things to some guys, and if we dont pull this off I will be dragged back to the netherworld" the ghoul whispered dragging you out if bed.

"Oh" was all you could muster is your drowsy state.

"So theres a suit from the netherworld waiting to meet you, in your living room, now" beetlejuice continued rubbing the back of his neck.

You sigh and shuffle about your room, slipping on slippers and giving your hair a quick once over, as you reach for your housecoat beetlejuice swats away your hand.

"Bee-"

Beetlejuice drops his jacket around your shoulders "this will work much better babes, we need to sell this"

You groan, you were too tired for this, thank god you didnt work in the morning, who knows how long this shit is gonna take, but as tired as you were you couldnt let whoever take your ghost back to the netherworld.

"Okay you're my fiance, I proposed a week ago, and you're head over heels for me, that last part wont be hard to fake huh doll?" The ghoul gives you a wink, you sigh.

"Wait, almost forgot" the ghoul snaps his fingers, you feel a light squeeze on you right handed middle finger.

Upon your finger appears rather tacky, pretty ring, the band was black and white, and resembled a snake, the gem was a brilliant green, you honestly felt your heart squeeze when you saw it, to be honest staring at the ring felt like a dream, maybe because you just woke up? It was beautiful, and the idea of it being for real kinda hurt knowing it was for pretend, but those feelings didnt matter right now, Beej needed you to help him avoid being dragged back to the netherworld, you can think about those depressing emotions later.

The two of you leave the bedroom, beetlejuice takes the lead as you shuffle behind.

As the two of you enter the living room you could help but pause and stare at the 'suit' beej claimed that was waiting for you.

In your little arm chair sat a fairly tall skeleton man, his bones a blueish hue, wearing a lime green suit that looked fresh off the rack, guess not all dead guys wore dirty clothes, in all honesty this was your first time seeing another dead person aside from the maitlands and beetlejuice, they were human, beej was humanish, but this guy looked like he walked out of a cartoon.

"Sorry for the wait, you know breathers, they need to sleep" beetlejuice cackled snapping you from your thoughts "well there's y/n, theres the ring, and theres the door, feel free to use it" beetlejuice snears, wanting to get this whole thing done with, yes he adored messing with you, and with different circumstances this could have been funny, but too much was on the line for him and you were an awful liar, he loved you sure, but theres no way you could pull off lying.

"Y/n I presume?" The skeleton gestures to you, completely ignoring beetlejuice, you nod "its pleasure to put a face to the name, I apologize for the rude awakening, when you've been dead for as long as I have, you tend to lose the meaning of time, my dear this wont take long, we just need to clear up some loose ends then you can get back to your rest" the skeleton gestures you to sit on the couch next to beetlejuice who has already made himself comfortable.

You gently sit down next to BJ who was quick to drape an arm over your shoulders and pull you into his side.

The skeleton pulls out a clipboard from his jacket and flips through the pages

"Lawrence B Shoggoth, y/n m/n l/n, I have requested an audience with you two to clear up some issues with Lawrence's recent updated paper work, not to mention a handful of rumours that need to be put to bed" the ghoul flips through the papers "it says here the y/n you are Lawrence's spouse, is that true?"

You nod

"You see y/n, Lawrence here cant be trusted at face value, so that is why I must converse with you on the matter, so you are his fiance correct?"

"Yes"

"I see, now how long have the two of you known each other?"

"About a year or so" you shrug

"Mmmhmm" the ghoul scribbles down something and continues "now when did he propose to you?"

"Last week" this was so anxiety inducing, for a man with no eyeballs it sure felt like he was staring into your soul.

"Now what drawn you to such a, oh how do I put this, such a man?"

You hear beetlejuice huff out as if he was insulted.

"Well, beetlejuice may be rough around the edges, and can be a dick at times, but he's great company, hes funny, witty, has great taste in movies, and he makes me smile, hes also, well, he's also good looking too" you look away from both parties, as you were clearly embarrassed over what you said, it was the truth, but it still made your face burn.

Beetlejuice leans forward, looking in your direction, eyes wide and mouth a gape, his hair now a bright pink.

"Mr Shoggoth, you look surprised at y/n's words" the ghoul grabs Beetlejuice's attention.

"Heh, you see y/n is the shy type, hearing that type a thing is rare and ALWAYS gets my attention". Beetlejuice slicks his hair back removing the pink and resetting it to its default green.

"Mmmmhmmm" was the ghoul's only response as attention was drawn back to you.

"So y/n you truly are betrothed to Lawrance, you want to be wed to him on purpose?" The skeleton's tone was almost surprised, as if beetlejuice was the most revolting creature in existence and you wanting, out of your own free will to be bound to such a thing, was the most insane thing he has ever herd.

You nod, beetlejuice gives the skeleton a smug toothy grin.

"This isnt a joke, nor is he blackmailing or threatening you?" His tone sounded desperate, as if he needed to prove beetlejuice was lying for his own good.

You only shake your head, while beetlejuice surpresses a laugh

"Ya see bone head? I'm innocent~" he chuckles, squeezing you close to his side.

"Y/n you are aware of what you're doing for Lawrence correct?" The skeleton sounded almost smug, you only stare back, waiting for him to elaborate.

"You see y/n, you are doing Lawrence here a huge favor, when the dead marry the living, they are able to walk the earth like you do, you are granting him life, something he has never had, this is why we must confirm with you, that you understand what he's doing" the skeleton gestures to beetlejuice, the demon only rolls his eyes in response.

"I know"

Attention is drawn to you

"I know all about that life giving thing, beetlejuice told me about it"

"Well you see y/n, this isnt the first time Lawrence has-"

"I know, I was told, by him and the person he tried to marry the first time, small world huh"

The skeleton pauses for a moment then coughs into his fist, as if to regain his composure after being surprised, he continues "I see, Lawrence has been honest with you, I didnt think he had it in him"

Beetlejuice snarls at the comment, tips of his hair turning red.

"Just a few more loose ends y/n then you can return to your rest" the skeleton flips through his papers "ah, Lawrence, y/n may have been couched, and since you seem so eager to speak, I do have a few things I need to clarify with you, if the two of you are in love as you say and this isnt a farce, you would know plenty about your future spouse, when was y/n born?" The skeleton snears as if hes caught you two red handed

Beetlejuice snorts out a laugh "easy *birthday day and year* hell I woke them up with some early morning birthday head"

You cover your face in embarrassment at that comment, yet you were surprised he knew the year.

"Correct, and might I saw congratulations on a LEGAL partner this time"

Beetlejuice rolls his eyes at the low blow before grumbling "it was a green card thing"

The skeleton ignores Beetlejuice's comment and continues "what drew you to this breather? And please keep it out of the gutter"

Beetlejuice huffs "spoil sport, y/n here is one of the kindest, sweetest, softest breather I ever met, they let me do whatever I want, they want me around, no stings attached, they got great taste, just look at the company they keep, and let me tell ya, the first time we met they sucker punched me in the jaw for scaring them, and I've been dreaming of that swing ever since"

You just stare at the ghoul, he remembered that? He remembered how he first met you? When lydia locked you in the basement and he jumped out at you, successfully scaring you but earning himself a fist in the jaw, wow. Your face felt hot remembering that, what a frist impression.

The night droned on and on with dull questions the suit had lined up to prove beetlejuice was lying, but every question had an appropriate answer, and the skeleton knew he could not prove anything as the night went on.

Low on patience and time he decided call it quits.

The skeleton pushes his clipboard back into his jacket and sighs "I appreciate your time y/n, thank you for your cooperation, and Lawrence, I look forward form your departure of death, a short vacation from you is the pick me up I deserve" the skeleton raises up from your chair and walks over to a wall on the other side of the room, you watch him draw a door, and knock 3 times, you're livingroom wall opens up to the netherworld. You freeze at the sight, you always felt uneasy seeing the netherworld portal open up, maybe it was a living thing? As if beetlejuice felt your discomfort he pulls you into a side hug, grounding your anxiety, you give a sigh of what feels like relief.

The skeletontirns to face the two of you "Before my departure, y/n I do have one final thing to ask you, can you kiss Lawrence for me?"

"What?" You gawk in confusion

Beetlejuice snorts out a laugh "what? You the type of guy who gets off on watching others get hot and heavy, I mean I feel ya, but if you insist, I can help a guy out" beetlejuice is quick to cup your face "give daddy some sugar~" he purrs puckering up to go in for the kiss.

"Lawrence you misunderstand me, I ask y/n, if you two are truly betrothed, shy or not, y/n shouldnt have any issues kissing their lover" the skeleton gestures to you, without eyeballs or eyebrows he sure wore a smug face, as if he found you two out.

Beej snorts out his nose, great, he's fucked, theres no way you could sell this now, the ghoul had to take the lead and try to steer this away from what this bureaucrat wants "Shy or not, my little sex pot here isnt too keen on others watching, believe me, I tired, the only thing they wont do in the bedroom-"

"Bee, it's fine" you interject, gently grabbing the demons sleeve, he looks at you mouth agape, green slowly blossoming into pink in his face and hair.

"You mind leaning down honey?" You ask softly, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach, yes beetlejuice has kissed you more times then you could remember, and yes, youd be lying if you didnt enjoy them, but taking the lead? That was new, and to have someone watching? Not to mention if you dont make this look good he's gonna take beetlejuice away.

Beetlejuice on the other was practically glowing pink, and vibrating with excitment, not to mention drooling.

You gently cup the demons face, running your thumbs across his stubble, you swore you could hear the demon purring, you take a deep breath through your nose before closing the gap between the two of you.

Beetlejuice's hands find homes for themselves, on in your hair, the other on the center of your back. Your hands move from the demon's face and bury themselves in his messy hair, gently giving his head a scratch, you squeak with surprise as the ghoul lifts you up from the ground, instinct kicks in nd you wrap you legs around his waist, lips still locked with his, you feel his tongue probing at you mouth, begging for your permission to enter, you oblige, his tongue wasnt new to you, you felt it a handful of times, running up the side of your face when the ghoul was trying to get your attention mostly, but in your mouth?

It was long, and big, and kind of cold, it easily took the lead, exploring your mouth.

You push on Beetlejuice's chest to notify him you needed to breath, the two of pull your lips part from each others, a thin line of saliva still connecting the two of you.

"Oh Lawrence" you sigh

The demon now completely electric pink, still holding you up growls before asking "couch?"

You hum out "yes"

Before the ghoul flops backwards on the couch, having you sit on top of him, you give his tie a quick yank and he groans in response.

"Oh doll, you're lucky you dont work tomorrow, cuz I want you to ride me all night~"

"Ahem!"

The two of you freeze for a moment, beetlejuice snickers at your face, clearly embarrassed, you pause for a moment, swallowing your shame before addressing the ghoul who was still here

"You're still here?" Was all you manged to breath out

"I mean I'm into it, but y/n? Not so much, and they clearly arent into you watching so" beetlejuice snorts, trying to wave the skeleton off so the demon could relax.

"I see, y/n you clearly are attracted to him, and understand all the consequences of marrying the dead, I declare that Lawrence B Shoggoth was, in fact, telling the truth, this should be a holiday, such a rare occasion" the skeleton trailed off as he walked into the netherworld, you only watched as he vanished and the walls of your little apartment rearranged themselves like it never happened.

You sat top beetlejuice for a moment, sighing over dodging the bullet of losing your, very dear friend, you may or may not be head over heels for.

You're reminded of where you were sitting  with a familiar pinch on your butt.

"Hey honey~" the ghoul purrs

You jerk up at recalling the situation you're in, beetlejuice groans at you movement

"Careful sweets, keep moving like that and you'll turn this semi into a boner" he snorts out a chuckle.

You're quick to get off the demon, though he did grunt in protest, before sitting back up and pulling a couch cushion over his lap, despite how crude he was, he did have SOME common courtesy.

As much fun as it would have been for the demon to tease you on your rather hot actions, he noticed how your attention wasnt on him, rather then you were staring at the wall that was once the door to the netherworld.

"So we did it?" Was all you seemed to whisper

"Yup, I got to hand it to you babes, you did quite a good job fooling that stiff"

You turn back to the demon and give him a soft smile feeling completely relieved.

"You know it's funny y/n, you're a terrible liar, and you sure as hell cant act, you got way too many tells, but yet, I didnt see a single twitch nor did I hear a single stutter, why's that?~" you knew that tone oh too well, it was the 'I know something embarrassing about you' tone, it was smug yet made your legs turn to jelly.

"I guess when it comes down to really important stuff i guess i can-" you stammer while fiddling with the hem of your shirt

"I dont think so dolly" beej was quick to interrupt "babes, you've been wearing my jacket the whole time, I've seen you keep glancing down at the ring, and fuck me, the amount of fire in that kiss, someone like you cant fake that" 

You refuse to look his way, this was one hell.of a way to come clean with your feelings, a heavy silence fills the room, though you're pretty sure beetlejuice could hear your heart pounding away.

As if the ghoul could sense your discomfort, he sighs "ya know babes, it's pretty late, and breathers need to sleep, so how bout you head back to bed and I'll finish grilling you in the morning"

Glancing back at beetlejuice you could see the flicks of purple appearing in the pink mess of his hair, you give the ghouls half hearted smile, as you go to take off the jacket he raising his hand motioning you to stop

"Its gonna be cold tonight babes, how bout you keep it warm for me?"

"Oh, alright, night Bee, glad I could help you" you wave off as you head to your bedroom to over think what just happened.

Beetlejuice groans when he hears the familiar sound of your bedroom door closing, he was so close to getting a real confession out of you, but tomorrow morning is gonna be pretty dangerous for you,  he sighs removing the pillow from his lap, he had a more pressing matter to attend too, and with your taste on his tongue and the beautiful imagine of you on top of him yanking at his tie, this 'problem' wont take long to deal with.

Bonus

The next morning was quite awkward, beetlejuice wasnt kidding about grilling you in the morning, but at least what felt like an interrogation last night, now felt like childish teasing

"Bee, can I ask you something about last night?"

The ghoul beams with excitement at your question "anything you want babes"

"If we would have failed, what would have happened to you, you said you would have been dragged back to the netherworld and" you pause hoping the ghoul would fill in

"Oh, yeah, if we would have got caught I would have had to spend a week in the netherworld with my mother fixing this paperwork and just being chewed out, a nightmare babes, we dodged a bullet" he raises his hand for a high five as if to congratulate you on helping him out

"What, I'm sorry what"

Beetlejuice lowers his hand and frowns at your response

"Beetlejuice I was worried sick, I thought they were gonna take you away forever, i was terrified if i fuck up I'd never see you again, like what am i supposed to do without you?! I dont want you to leave me" you practically screamed

Beetlejuice only started at you, slowly soaking in what you said

'I dont want you to leave me'

His blank stare slowly shifts to a smile, flicks of pink appearing in his hair "dont worry sugar, you're stuck with me"

[radioactive-dazey]

Sander Sides Theory: Whats on Janus's agenda (Spoilers)

Small heads up. This theory makes reference to the orange side and the ignorance theory. If you have not read the ignorance theory, some of these points may be deemed irrelevant.

Hey guys. Recently I made a point about Janus hiding something and overall, still having some master plan. I want to elaborate on that today if I can.

Lets start in DWITS. We know because of Remus' song, Janus sent Remus to bother the sides. We also know that Thomas's mental state was already low due to the stress about the wedding. It makes sense that Thomas was having intrusive thoughts, but in the context of Remus being sent to them, it possibly implies some sort of motive. (Its possible that motive could have just been to push Virgil into revealing himself as a dark side, as in the same episode, Remus stated he would never hide anything from Thomas while looking at Virgil )

Similarly, in the recent asides video, Thomas's mental health wasnt the best due to the state of his apartment and messages he sent to Nico. Remus shows up. Im grabbing at straws here, but I dont find it unreasonable to believe Janus may have sent him there again, but with an additional motive: to annoy the ever loving crap out of Logan.

Logan getting angry in this past episode felt so staged. It was a set up, and one I think was building up for a LONG while.

Its no secret that our favorite teacher man has had a lack of input for awhile now. Logan takes a lot of pride of being the voice of reason and having his fellow sides look to him for guidance. What has been happening is his absence from episodes, caused by outside factors (Janus benching him in the courtroom episode) or by his own will (Logans lowdown in the wedding episode, and Janus replacing him later)

I want to talk about both of these episodes, so lets start with the courtroom episode. As mention in my very first orange side theory, Janus was NOTICABLY giving all the attention to Roman. Stating how his fellow sides never listen to Roman, practically flirting with him on the witness stand, and giving ROMAN the final say. He was feeding into Roman's heroic nature and trying to guide him to choosing the callback instead of the wedding. Of course, Roman sided with Patton, and ended up being miserable for it. What exactly does this have to do with benching Logan?

I interpret it as Janus "scapegoating." A scapegoat is the person a party or group of people throw blame onto when something doesn't work out. By throwing the attention onto Roman, and giving Roman all this authority and power, Janus is actively isolating Logan and letting Logan's frustration build up.

Now to Logan's Lowdown in the wedding episode. When he first appeared in his pixelated box, he stated the reasoning being that he didn't want to be too invasive. He didn't want to be too involved because the topic was about emotional and moral issues. Roman stated his presence was optional, and Logan told them their options were to be informed or ignorant.

And then ROMAN LITERALLY CHOSE IGNORANCE, AND HE WAS THEN IGNORED FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE. Even when Logan apologized to Patton for hitting him with the text box. Even when Patton ASKED for his input, he then IGNORED it. The yellow skip button appeared and Janus took Logans place. Im willing to bet that Janus put the button there to further isolate Logan.

Remus showing up this past episode was done to push Logans button. He's being ignorant to Logans advice and guidance, being the final trigger for Logans outburst. It can potentially lead to Logan ducking out and the orange side showing up to cause chaos, or alternatively, prove to Thomas he cannot stay blind to his own issues forever.

Finally, lets talk about the eyes.

Logans eyes glowing in WTIT really threw me off for one reason: while Logan being the orange side HAS a lot riding on it, the fact that Virgil stated Janus had "friends" (meaning, more than Remus) implies that there has to be a physical orange side. I already made several statements as to why I don't have much faith for the wrath theory, so lets review as to why I have faith in the ignorance theory.

-Logan giving them the option to be ignorant: Logan also gave them the option to be informed. In this context, being "informed" is the opposite of being "ignorant." Every side has its counterpart, (Deceit and Morality, Dark vs Light creativity) so its not wrong to assume that this would ALSO work for whatever Logans counterpart is.

-the color orange represents ignorance and Deceit

-Sort of my own head cannon BUT the orange side being named Icarus REALLY works with the trend of the dark side names ending with "-us"

-The orange side being ignorance makes a lot of sense because being ignorant CAN be a natural defense response for some people, as lying has become a defense for C!Thomas and his anxiety. These past 2 years has made me turn a blind eye to a lot of the horrible ugly things in the world to protect my own mental health. As no one side is "good" or "evil," and its up to each person to interpret their own actions as "good" or "evil," staying ignorant to some matters can be beneficial mental-health wise, and may not be such a bad thing.

(TL.DR.) In conclusion, there is evidence that suggest Janus may be isolating Logan from his fellow sides. Logan becoming angry and upset is a natural response to this happening. The orange side being ignorance makes a lot of sense.

[cursezone]

Creature of Chaos

alucard reflects on richter after an important conversation with maria

(context: "uncontrollable actions"= tics. tourettes richter content)

Alucard sat at the fire pit, as the embers smoldered into ash. Maria and Richter were asleep. The quietness of the forest at night felt like some of the only time Alucard got to think, And thinking is valuable to them, but everything is far too loud in the daytime.

Although there was no disdain for the humans, Alucard struggled to relate to them, and the way they lived. It seemed fun.. Rejoicing over things like food, or a good night's rest, but Alucard never felt hungry, or rested after they slept.

It was in the little things too... While Alucard does faintly recall a normal life, certainly their father never encouraged such liveliness.. Although, a lot of their memories have escaped them.

Richter especially was strange to Alucard... The way she was loud, and so clumsy.. Not to mention, her uncontrollable actions.

Alucard furrowed their brow slightly at the thought of Richter's possession. Especially the after-effects of such an event. It hadn't occurred to Alucard previously that Richter may have done something, or experienced something, to cause what happened.

Certainly, they didn't expect to learn that Richter has a history of outbursts.. If it weren't for Maria it would've definitely given off the wrong idea.. Especially for someone raised Catholic.

Alucard laughed to themselves, as if being raised in a church was a joke. It was, to Alucard.. Though they felt embarrassment, as Maria's words rang in their mind.

"Oh please, Alucard. Richter would never want to hurt anyone.. I know that you dont know her that way, if you did you would know that she wants nothing to do with that church. Do you have any ideas as to her possible motives? Its not fair to assume that Richter *wanted* this."

Alucard recalled, thinking about how they hadn't even thought twice about slandering Richter once they learned she grew up at the church, and how Maria still honored Richter's privacy in defending her.

"Trust me, Alucard. You do, don't you? I would never put you in harm's way... Richter... The behavior hurts no one but herself. You must see that, even though it is.. Concerning, at face value... I-.. I can't elaborate but please.. Just think about it."

The dhampir tried not to remember their own words here, or even what they said to start the conversation. The conversation was only earlier in the night, but Richter fell asleep long before Maria, and she quickly helped them grow out of such stubborn ignorance.. Maria's tolerance of it was lucky in hindsight.

That's something they were beginning to realize; they were selfish, at first. Mother wouldn't have been happy to see it.

Maria made sense.. Humans, theirs is a hard lot.. The most vulnerable Alucard has ever seen Maria is while she was defending Richter, she struggled to justify Richter's behavior but was clearly telling the truth..

Alucard was deep in their thoughts, and didn't realize they were staring at Richter, asleep in her bedroll. It wasn't long ago when they were grateful whenever Richter was passed out.. Especially when Maria was still awake.

However, now they secretly wanted to know more. Maybe Alucard could relate to Richter, if they tried to imagine.. If they had become angry enough at their mother's death, if they hadn't heard her last words..

The embers crackled as their light was almost entirely burnt up. Alucard stood from their spot against the tree, turning to leave the darkening campsite into the deeper darkness of the forest, hoping to clear their mind.

Maria said Richter was born with these uncontrollable behaviors, but that they were 'never this bad before'..

Alucard wasn't always this.. Vampiric. Seeing Richter so human, maybe it made them envy.. Such an emotional and chaotic creature, but she seems so happy with Maria.. They're loud but free.

Venturing further into the forest, the smell of the camp faded from their senses, a familiar cold, crisp air helped to clear their mind, but Richter stayed in their thoughts.. Alucard recalled Maria's words.

"Richter.. Used to be much different. Much more.. In control. A lot has happened, it.. It changes a person. I'm sure that isn't entirely unfamiliar to you, Alucard... Please, just- just give Richter a chance."

The events of the past changed Alucard too, irreparable damage. Thoughts of Richter didn't stop, it's evident now she is damaged, and Alucard was almost choked up, they began to head faster into the forest, running through the darkness.

The two aren't so different, had things gone differently it could have been Alucard in that castle. Humans; theirs is a hard lot. Even Alucard. they began to sprint.

Alucard leapt forward, manifesting into their wolf form without losing any sense of speed.

The wolf ran, the cold wind energizing them as they traversed the twisted trees of the forest with ease.

The worries of life slid off their back as they ran and ran, paws hitting the cold ground like a pursuit chase; this movement and the release of energy has always helped Alucard stay grounded. The wildness of this, it was like taking flight into life.

They can relate to Richter. Being a creature, and of chaos. It can help to free your soul.