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Shadows of Shar [F!Reader x Selunite!Shadowheart]

NOTE: THIS IS PART 3 and a half TO FLICKERS OF LOSS

Told you it existed

Previously - No More

Intended Audience: Mature [scroll the age requirement wheel until you come to a year where you can bypass the age check, we all know you do]

The Bit: You're learning to sleep again with the help of your patient, cleric lover. But can you learn to live again? Or are the shadows of your past too hungry to resist?

Warnings/Advisories: Implied SA, emotional abuse, torture via magical wounds, mental abuse, gaslighting?, cute but cringey pet name, tickles, a distinct lack of sandcastles (that's in the end half, which I am still working on)

Words, all the word (count): 3,553 baebeee

Dedicated to my bestest bestie who also made and provided and chose the gif - @ethelspetals

MINIMAL EDITING - WE FORGET AND DIE LIKE SHARRANS (ALWAYS - PRAISE OUR DARK GODDESS SHADOWHEART)

Finally delivering (half) of my promise in 3...2...1

-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈--ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈--ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈-

Chains...

Chains and prayer. Prayer and chains. And ceaseless prodding. All at the hands of an obscene mockery of a god. Eyes remained closed, fixated on perfect, endless darkness. Finding the comfort of her Lady's embrace even on the knees of her failure.

No.

This was many things, but a failure it was not. It was a test. A sacred task bestowed upon her by the Lady of Loss. Even across the vast expanse of stars and time, her goddess would not tolerate derision.

Darkness is where she derives her faith. Darkness is where she thrives her soul.

And it would come. In time.

For now she would withstand the well lit room. She would reach out across the links that represented the bond to her pet, forever bound through the Dark Lady's blessed markings, etched into your flesh. Claimed as hers for eternity. Through them she could remain somewhat vigilant over you. Attempt to keep you from straying so far down those delusions the inferior version of her was poisoning you with.

Sure, you stumbled and struggled in your training... but you still excelled far beyond her expectations. In time, she was convinced you'd make a fine Dark Justiciar... And once she freed herself, well... it would only be a matter of time.

The Nightsinger had plans for both her, and you. And those plans were far from extinguished.

______________________________________________

Sunlight filtered in through the closed curtains, it's warmth on your skin denied by the covers you've been tucked into. It wasn't odd for you to wake up alone and she was trying not to coddle you so much, but that doesn't mean you have to like it. You had begun your ritual of smelling her side of the bed when the sound of the door closing has you perking up and looking down the bed toward it.

Shadowheart, with her hair plaited and already dressed, can't help but huff a small laugh when she sees you. "Just as I left you." She teases, swinging her arms a little as she crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed, folding her hands on her lap. The twinkle in her eyes accompanied with her soft smile as she watches you makes your belly flutter.

With a curious tilt of her head, Shadowheart lifts her hand to tenderly brush her fingers against your hair. "Time to greet the day, lazy bones..." the words laden with honey. The showering of her affection has your eyes drift closed a moment. "I would let you sleep longer if I could, but we have company arriving soon." She hums, her perfect nails delicately graze your scalp in that way that turns you to putty for her. Even as she reminds you of the trouble, you caused her last night.

There's been an improvement. Some nights you fall asleep easily, but wake up with a lurch, muttering Sharran scripture until she coaxes your mind back to her. Other nights you toss and turn in her arms. The first time she thought it was because you felt... trapped. After all, she shares a face, voice and body with your former "mistress". So that night she encouraged you to sleep on your side of the bed uninhibited by her hands or arms. On your own.

You woke up in the middle of the night, on her lap in the middle of your shared bed. Throat raw and Shadowhearts arms squeezing you against her, pinning yours to your sides while she finessed her soft hands, radiant with divine magic, onto your right one, which burned and stung. Tears were drying on your face, but you couldn't remember why. Shadowheart's voice in your ear alternating between whispering and murmuring promises of love and safety. And you could feel a warm wetness under your fingernails on your left hand. It took too long for you to realize you had apparently clawed your right hand in your sleep. Possibly in an attempt to destroy the markings.

That was the last night she let you sleep without being tucked deep in her arms, the soft lullaby of her heartbeat in your ear and her fingers in your hair. To her credit, that hasn't happened since she's insisted on holding you every night.

But you were finding nights where you slept peacefully, visited by pleasant dreams or dreamless. They were becoming frequent enough you actually felt hopeful. Maybe, little by little, she would regain the confidence to let you sleep outside her protective arms again.

Wait, she mentioned company... what company? Your eyes peel open, reuniting with the tenderness and love in hers she's lavishing you with, and she must read the confusion. "Do you remember? My parents arranged to come by and see us," Shadowheart explains patiently, not once allowing her smile to completely falter.

A white cat that you recognize, Pawtato, hops onto the bed, nudging Shadowhearts arm up to demand attention from her. Lifting her hand from your hair. Apparently, the ridiculous name was your fault. "Come, don't be shy. You may only remember meeting them once, but they care about you almost as much as I do. You made quite the impression... That hasn't changed." She encourages with a knowing smile, pulling the covers off of you to reinforce that going back to sleep wasn't an option for you.

Still, you try. Curling into a ball and burying your face into her pillow. "Oh no, you don't..." Shadowheart warns. You feel her shifting up the bed, shuffling closer...

Then her fingers dig into your ribs, and you cry out in pained laughter. Your arms and legs flail. In a chaotic mess of movement, a playful battle erupts over your shared bed. "I'll tickle you right out of this bed if I have to!" Her laughs blending with your own.

You nod feebly, struggling to use words between gasps and cries, but fate is kind, and she mercifully ceases her assault. As the dust of your short-lived war settles, you realize the position you've inadvertently found yourselves in.

Shadowheart's knee sits between your thighs, effectively straddling your leg. Her hands smooth over your now exposed sides in gentle, soothing circles.

Her knee forces your legs open wider for her, dark hair framing her even darker eyes, "keep these open nice and wide for me, just like I've taught my good girl... you're my good girl, aren't you?"

A kiss. Just beneath your ear. That's all it takes, and you're back in her arms. "You're safe here..." Shadowheart murmurs in your ear, her fingertips drawing circles and hearts on your sides before she uses them to pull you into her. "And loved. So very loved." The gentle sincerity in her voice could almost bring you to tears as your arms slide around her back. Her warmth, the smell of her, how you melt into her embrace... it's intoxicating.

She tenses slightly, pulling her head back to give you a pointed, teasing glare. The tiniest of smirks giving her away.

Then you realize where your hands are. "Cheeky... Part of your scheme to keep us in bed, I presume?" Shadowheart's smirk grows as you blink stupidly at her. Your hands unmoving from her ass.

With a soft laugh that bubbles from her chest, she presses a tender, lingering kiss to your lips before slowly untangling from you. "I'll leave you to get yourself ready, then. They should be here within an hour or so." She smiles as she rises from the bed and departs the room. Pawtato hops onto your chest, and you briefly consider using him as your excuse but know you'd disappoint Shadowheart if you did.

You sigh and gently lift him off of you and at last roll out of bed. Before long, you are cleaned up, dressed, and presentable. You think you made good time when you start down the stairs.

...Until you smell fresh tea and hear the sound of chit chat from the kitchen. "There she is!" Her dad is the first to notice your arrival, rising from his seat at the table in what you recognize is an instinctive move to hug you.

But you tense. And you hate yourself for it.

Clearly, these people know you and care about you, but everything in you is still... jumbled. Confused. Your memories are still foggy at best, and what you do recall is Sharran training. And... obedience.

Let no one close, leave only room for The Blessed Nightsinger in your heart. And your ears pure for your mistress...

Despite everything in you that wants to let that go, it clings to you like moss to a wet rock. Some days, it feels inescapable, deeply ingrained into your very being. Shadowheart has told you before the key to shaking yourself free of those webs, those shackles... is to move forward, no matter how daunting it may feel.

So you do.

Your feet close the rest of the distance where he stopped to provide you space. And force yourself through the motions. Stiff as they may be, the moment you actually embrace the man, it floods back to you.

The last time in your memory you saw him was when you and Shadowheart emerged from the portal. He had been staying in the home and tending to it, and its inhabitants in your absence. And until now, that was all you knew of him and Emmeline. But now you see flashes of times they came over for visits with their beloved daughter, embraced you into their family like you had always been a part of it...

And as you separate from the embrace, it shatters. "Godsdamnit, now?" You barely hear her voice before it dies in your ears to the agony.

Intense, searing, almost all-consuming, your right hand glows deep violet up to your wrist. Strong enough, it buckles your knees, as if a firm hand was pushing you down onto them. Without any indication or clue you knew exactly why, you somehow still understood the reason. It couldn't prevent you from pursuing Shadowheart, though it had tried. But it could still interject with others.

This was punishment.

"By the hells, how can she be this petty?" Shadowheart's voice was barely audible in your ears as the pain persisted. Vaguely, you felt her arms around you.

As suddenly as it came, it vanishes. Leaving behind a faint throbbing ache in its place from your traumatized, trembling nerves. "I'm sorry..."

"Hush, you..." Shadowheart soothes, giving your body a reassuring squeeze in her arms. "I, of all people, understand exactly what you're going through. You have nothing to be sorry for." She continues, moving one hand to tuck some loose hair behind your ear.

Once you seem more composed, she pulls away and helps you to your feet. Guiding you to sit on a chair at the table. A cup of tea waiting for you, right next to hers. Shadowhearts hand clasps to your right under the table. You waste little time swirling the spoon around the rim of your little cup to distract your thoughts

Conversation passes easily after that. While you're more an observer than a participant and your love tries to include you where she can, it's still difficult and not just because you still only barely remember these people.

Every time they talk about Selûne, practicing her faith, visiting her temple, it makes your skin itch and you hate it. Almost every time they opened their mouths about it, you had to bite back a retort from all your time spent studying Sharran scripture, listening to Her teachings.

Selûne's light will penetrate the deepest darkness. Find courage to embrace the truths that lie beyond, for her illumination is a beacon of clarity.

Falsehoods to fattened cattle fit only to be slaughtered. In the Moonwitch's light lies temptation to embrace false hope and misguided paths. For in Shar's dominion, shadows are not deceitful, but honest companions, revealing stark truths that the Moonwitch's light seeks to obscure.

The Moonmaiden's light will guide the way.

Only the blind need guidance. For in Shar's endless dark, one only needs to abide and embrace her wisdom to find their way.

Incredibly, it was like Shadowheart could read your thoughts when this happened. Every time you felt yourself slip, she would give your hand a small squeeze and it would be enough to pull you back.

You weren't so naïve. The weight of the amulet hanging around your neck, a gift as direct from the Moonmaiden as it could be, was the only thing preventing Shar from dragging you back to Her. If your... mistress got free, and you didn't have the amulet... It's like this thing was helping keep your thoughts your own.

Though sometimes it didn't seem that way.

"Love?" she says softly beside you, pulling your attention from absently swirling your tea with your spoon. "I'd written to my parents about this already and they've agreed... Perhaps some time outside the cottage would accelerate your healing."

Your hand stills and catches the spoon before it can circle the rim of your cup. Though you're not entirely sure why, a sinking feeling nestles deep in your stomach, strong enough you wriggle your right hand free of hers to hold your tea with both hands. This isn't the first time she's suggested the idea and despite her desperate pleas with you to elaborate on why you reacted this way, you didn't answer.

Because you couldn't. You couldn't put it into words and you doubt you ever could.

Little pet, whatever do you think you're doing?

As best you can to stifle your reaction to the intrusive echoes of her words in your ear, you can't hide the slight twitch of your brow, your right hand squeezing the cup. No, you're not letting this happen here. Even Shadowheart is hardly aware of these moments where you hear... this. Urgings of your former mistress to be obedient. Behave. Faint reminders of her teaching.

Still aware of the subtle tingling in the back of your skull like a tangible presence in your mind. The moment you try to push it back and out, your hand flares again. Not for nearly as long, but enough that if the cup weren't on the table, you'd have dropped it.

Relieved when her voice doesn't return, having successfully shut it out. You're starting to worry her voice would haunt you for the rest of your life. How were you supposed to keep it from Shadowheart like this? "Where would we go?" You inquire shyly.

Your favorite cleric flashes you a warm smile. "A little trip down memory lane, nothing overly excessive or taxing." As she lifts her cup and sips from it.

"It really is no trouble." Arnell insists with a gesture of his hand. "Jen—Shadowheart believes getting out into the world would do you good, and I can hardly fault her reasoning."

Blinking awkwardly, and realizing you're outnumbered, you sigh and drop your shoulders. Shadowheart takes this as your silent surrender. Her hand settles on your shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. "I may have already packed some of our belongings for the journey... We can depart at first light." She says with an encouraging, gentle smile.

All of these blatant acts against Shar and your mistress, and you have yet to feel the sting of your marks, demanding your submission.

Has she finally turned her back on you? "I... I'm going to check on the barn." You sputter pathetically and shrug out from under your lover's gentle touch, scurrying toward the door of the cottage. You don't dare to turn around and face their confused, probably disappointed faces.

Are you nothing more than a constant source of disappointment now?

‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐–‐

It was a very roundabout way of getting here. You'll give her that. You set your heavy pack of supplies next to hers. Her altered Justiciar armor gleamed in the bright sunlight in contrast to your dark leathers. Better to be safe than sorry, she insisted.

Your feet gently dipped into the soft, shifting sands of the beach. It looked cluttered with a variety of small debris, but otherwise it seemed like any ordinary beach.

But Shadowheart's gaze fixed on a spot in particular. Almost in the center. A smile touched her lips, her eyes distant... in a memory of her own, perhaps. "This is as close as we can get to the beginning." She says in an almost reverent way.

Though you try to ignore the awkwardness, it must still show in your face when her eyes meet yours. With a sigh, she takes your hand and leads you closer to this random spot in the sand.

Like she knows.

More than a little dazed from your own rude awakening, you hesitate over the unconscious cleric. Her dark hair framing her fair face, almost deceptively appearing... at rest. The strange dongle clutched in her hand.

Perhaps you should... gods, what should you do? She had been nothing but a valuable ally so far, but... this half-elf was not all she presented herself to be.

Against your better judgement, you bend down, gingerly rest your hands under the spikey pauldrons of her armor and give her a firm shake.

She stirs almost instantly, eyebrows furrowing until her gaze meets yours. "You're alive." She mutters in surprise, "I'm alive... how is this possible?"

If it weren't for her hand on the small of your back, you'd probably have fallen backward with how abruptly you reenter your body. "This is where it all started, the beginning..." The words fall from your lips, but they don't feel like they belong to you. They taste foreign and strange on your tongue. Shadowheart slowly slides beside you, in your line of sight. You lock your eyes on hers. A brief flicker of the dream you just saw flashes before you, and for a second her hair is dark, she's wearing bangs and a mysterious circlet. "The beginning of what?"

Even if you tried, you couldn't miss the subtle sadness that weakens her smile. As if disappointed. Still, her hand tenderly takes yours. "The beginning of us, love." Her words gentle, careful. Expectant...

She's waiting for your markings too...

After a brief moment, Shadowheart guides you to kneel next to the spot on the sand, and she takes her place opposite you. "Think, Tav. Relax and let it come back..." she says encouraging, sitting on her knees with her palms flat on her legs.

While you're unsure at first, you humor her and take a deep breath. Easing the tension in your shoulders and staring into the warm grains of sand...

"We need each other, and we both know what's at stake." The cleric, Shadowheart states confidently. "I can't think of better company."

Well, when she says it like that, how are you to argue? "Suppose it would make the most practical sense. Two heads are better than one and all that. Very well. We're burning daylight standing around" You nod, once again hating how you're somehow shorter than a half-elf even if only by a few inches.

Her hand catches your arm before you fully turn away. "Before we go... I just want to thank you. For saving me." Shadowheart says, her hand lingering on your arm. "It would have been all too easy for you to run right past my pod. But you didn't." She pauses before she ends with a heartfelt, "I'll remember that." And nods.

"All too easy..." echoed in the distance. Shadowheart paid no mind as she started up the beach beside you, "all too easy to forget yourself, more like."

You watch helplessly as she admires the dark, ominous spear in her hand, before she grips it in both hands and glares at the mysterious Nightsong.

She rears the spear back

You taste blood—

And your hands fly to your skull, jumping backward from anything and everything, pushing back on your hands until the sand scratches your palms raw. Desperately bringing your knees into your chest, hugging them closer to you before burying your face against them. "Talk to me, please." Her voice pleads next to you, her touch on your hand.

All too easy...

You jerk away, her voice worming into your ear trying to find purchase in your mind again but you won't let her... you won't be brought to heel again.

Tense silence falls over you like a blanket, cold, wet, heavy. Suffocating, drowning, your chest coiled tight and ready to implode on itself. "Tav... it's me." The voice is different. Sweet. "Whoever you think I am," she continues, like a warm caress in your ears, "I'm not her."

She tries again to touch your hand and though you twitch; the response is more subdued and so instead she grips your hand. You feel her slowly, carefully moving closer to you, her other hand stroking the top of your head. "You're safe here."

Just like that, the seas calm and the waves subside. Timidly lifting your tear-stained face from the fortress of your knees, and Shadowheart, your Shadowheart wastes no time wiping away the lingering tears. "We'll get through this together, my love. You're not alone. I won't let you face this on your own."

For a moment, you dare to feel a flicker of hope in her words.

-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈--ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈--ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈-

I'm going to give a shoutout to my bestie who motivated me to write this and my biggest cheerleader and fan @ethelspetals

Go send her lots of love and appreciation and check out her youtube. The gif used here was picked out by her.

#shadowheart #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate shadowheart #baldurs gate fanfiction #bg3 shadowheart #dark justiciar shadowheart #thank you bestie #my bestie has supported me while writing this #putting up with my indecision and struggling #and if it weren't for her who knows when we'd have gotten any of this out the damn door #so go and give her plenty of love and read her work and shower her with well-deserved praise #also check out her youtube

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