Quitting Weed Day 9 Status Report 📝
to start off , i'll say, i do indeed feel like Ass ! this post might get a tad emo. regretting my life choices to smoke for as long as i have 😕 But then again, maybe that's harsh, cus i was just doing the best i could with the circumstances i been dealt in the past.
i couldnt just quit cold turkey cus every time i try that its way too intense and i alwaus end up going back. So the past 9 days i've been hitting my (extremely weak) weed cart a couple times a night, only after 9pm, just to help me sleep. Before that i was smoking probly like. 5-8 bowls a day, followed by hitting the weed pen RELENTLESSLY all night until i passed out. So its still been a huge change lol. From tonight onwards tho i'm done w the weed pen and ready to try 0 thc 🙏
kind friend @palmceader sent me a CBD tincture made for sleep (thanku again 🥹) which im sure has a TINY percentage of thc, but nothing even close to how much im used to.
i cant even imagine how fried my dopamine receptors are, cus honestly, i feel Fucked. spaced out is an understatement. i cant focus on anything and its kinda driving me insane. it feels impossible to read or draw or do any of my hobbies.. my body feels heavy and depressed. No motivation. its kinda the opposite of what i was expecting. i can barely keep my eyes open during the day..
on a brighter note i havent been struggling too much with sleep or appetite. i think sleepy time tea + the tincture + magnesium is rly helping. my dreams recall is already improving so much, and the times i have nightmares arent as bad as its been previous times i tried to quit. i havent rly struggled with cravings at all either, which used to be a huge obstacle for me ! im just so over it now. i was starting to get chest pains and coughing a lot, which was taking any joy out of the act of smoking for me.
morbid to say but I often think of my father and how his rampant addictions directly lead him to such a painful and horrific early death. its a rare perspective of imagery so disturbing , i know i can't go on in such a manner. Like, what a fucking fool i would be! For others i can understand it but for me, no. it has haunted me for a long time to know i'm letting myself go down that path, even with all my insistent self-justification that his death is what brought me to this in the first place. deep down ive been knowing i need to break the cycle like i have the choice and the power, im still alive im still here ..
Sorry if thats depressing to bring up! i do feel depressed tho. i cant use weed to hide from my pain anymore.. i have to rewire my whole ass method of coping with stress at age 30. i know i can do it but its gonnnna be a long winded process full of ups n downs. Running away is no longer an option and thats a lot to face! a lot of old wounds i never rly dealt with, cus i kept my head in the 💨clouds💨 for so long.
i promise not to give up this time tho no matter how hard it gets 🙏 i want to set a good example too like indunno a lot of younger ppl follow me now i dont wanna feed into narratives that may influence them in bad directions. i have a responsible heart. i rly dont think weed is cool i havent since i was like 16. i was just dependent on it so i tried to romanticisze its role in my life. its silly.
im kinda laughing now cus im like god, i initially felt like the reason im quitting is so i can be more active in my dream world, but the more i think about it the more i notice MANY many more reasons to quit that go way deeper.
All in all the reason im talking about it is to maybe inspire other ppl who have been on the verge of quitting but too afraid to rly take the plunge-- Ur not alone, ur not weak for being addicted, if u need to reach out to me u are more than welcome.
Ppl rly downplay weed addiction cus the withdrawals arent life threatening like other substances, but that doesnt mean its a walk in the park. Most ppl i know who are stoners have never been able to quit for similar reasons as me. It takes a major psychological hold over u. if u ever need to vent about it or need advice, im here!
if u read all of this, pls dont worry abt me xD Even if it feels miserable rn i have faith things will improve, the heaviness and brainfog will lift, the emotions will be purged, i am excited for my future. One day at a time....Dont giving up 🙏
Signed, PMD9
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Been thinking about absolutely strong An has been through this event.
- Finds out her aunt died from her uncle after he said her team would never beat RAD Weekend in their lifetime
- Watched her colleagues (EVER, Arata, Kotaru) get decimated in a singing battle SECONDS AFTER by the same uncle who broke the sad news to them (Arata especially getting Shredded from Taiga’s remarks about carrying dreams since he carries Soma’s dream of becoming the best singer ever)
- Later performing against said uncle with her team WHILE STILL PROCESSING NAGI’S DEATH, WHAT TAIGA IS DOING, and other thoughts racing in her head, only to get eviscerated by him sINCE SHES GOING THROUGH A LOT AT THE MOMENT MENTALLY (“Your Aunt’s dead, your team wont ever beat me, lets have a rap battle now!!” - Taiga)
- Seeing said colleagues leave seemingly forever because their dreams have been shattered, only having her own team
- Her father finding them and telling her the whole truth, which included the reason why until now everyone had been LYING TO HER FOR YEARS about Nagi’s condition
AND THIS HAPPENS ALL IN ONE DAY
AND SHE GETS RIGHT BACK UP AFTER A FEW MOMENTS OF GRIEVING NAGI’S DEATH
She gets back up, thats true, but lets make a few things clear.
She only gets back up because she has her team and her dad. If anyone in her team had given up, i dont think she could've handled. And as much as she is rightfully angry at her dad, he is also a good reason she can stay as confident as she is.
Plus, we know that whatever happened was NOT acceptance, well, it kind of was, but also not. You know the stages of grief are.. weird. An skipped denial (or we can count those three years as denial), right into anger- and she unleashed that anger while singing, and is angry at her town and at her dad- and in between anger she has depression, i would say they're both so intertwined you can barely see which is which. She can't bargain, or maybe she's bargaining at herself, she cant fully break down in front of Taiga, or until she learns of everything.
And once she does, more at side cards than in the actual story. Here comes the acceptance, alongside again more depression. You just know she possibly cried herself to sleep that night- if she slept at all. But also, yes, An is strong, but we cant just ignore the fact that she set her feelings to the side enough to cry at a safe place- and that she has her team to lift her up.
Because for one. Nagi is right. If An knew about it before she met Kohane, and before they formed Vivid Bad Squad, An would have given up on music all together, not that she wasn't strong then, she would have gotten over with that situation, probably EASIER without yknow. Knowing it three years later. But also the main reason she was into music would be gone, so what was the point? Now she has more people- and more reasons- to be into music.
Just adding salt to the wound yknow.
Also my headcanon is that after An was. Like yknow, not fighting tears just because of Nagi's name (which took like a full week), Ken took her to the cemetery where Nagi is, which made An cry all over again but helped her mourn since she never had the chance to, he walked away to give them a bit of privacy while An talks to the grave to give Nagi updates about her life and in the end, she feels more determined than ever, she leaves a little drawing of the vbs logo on top of it and goes back more at peace than when she came in.
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Pagan Misconceptions Clarified: Why Oyá, is NOT "Only The Warrior Goddess of Violent Storms, and Also; The One That Hold The Keys Of The Cemetery?!"
This is the only atributes most people known about Oyá, and... I can't sincerely blame them: African Religions, are almost unknown; and... Unless you are an Historian, have growned up in Africa; or in one of the many nations of The Caribbean... You will be generally in the dark, knowing little to none; about African Deities, (excepting for Egypt and Carthage, the last being today's, Morroco) but... Since I was a kid, despite my parents wanting me to never get near of any beliefs outside Christianity; something of that came in local documentaries, and in some songs singed in the media; by devotees of Santeria. When I was in 4th of Elementary, I learned about my ancestors in school; and I felt pained for how much they suffered, so... I'm going to honor the African part of me, and to my African Ancestors than came at The Caribbean as slaves; by making this post, about the Goddess that catched my total attention; two years before I became a teenager: Oyá!
Oyá, is too: The Goddess of The Winds and The Air, The Goddess of Lightning; The Goddess of The Death, and... The Goddess of Rebirth!
Oyá, is an Yoruba Goddess and Orisha; that was married to Ogun, The God of War and Metals; until one day, she fall in love of Shango; The Warrior God of Thunder, and she left that Shango kidnapped her, which causes than Oggun and Shango; became into eternal enemies. She is the mother of The Eggunes, and she was given Total Dominion; over The Death. She wears bracelets and uses tools made of copper, as eternal gratitude to her sister Oshun; than losed her virginity, to saved her.
Before I talk more about Oya, an important note: The Yoruba Deities, in the time of the Atlantic Slave Trade in The Americas; traveled too with their followers, and The Yoruba Religion; was syncretized with Catholicism, knowned as: Santeria; (Spanish Caribbean) Candomblé, (Brasil, Argentina, Uruguay) Quimbanda, (Brasil's Urban Settlings) Trinidad Orisha, (Trinidad and Tobago Islands) Umbamda, (Brasil, Argentina, Uruguay) and others. The Orishas, are spirits than are mostly considerated as Deities, and; at the same time, as manifestations of the Supreme Deity; Olodumare. These Diasporic Religions, are closed practices; which means than you can't just wake up one day, and decides that you wants to be part of any of them: In the mayority, you have to be born inside that culture; in other cases, you must have at least one African ancestor in your family; or in others, you have to being initiated by a priest, and do rituals within the people of their community. (If you want to study the basic info about any of them, in a serious manner; go ahead, or... If you want to go to a ritual, asked to a practitioner if you can go; asked about the correct behaviour if you get invited, and above all... Be respectful with The Deities, and to anyone than is in this faith; in the same way than you are respectful when visiting to friends or older relatives, Okay?!)
And now... The other atributes and domains of Oyá!
The Goddess of The Winds and The Air: She is associated with the winds, and uses her powerful singing; to move them into action. It is said too, than she doesn't only control the winds; but than she also control, the air than humans need to breath! For this reasons; she is The Goddess of The Winds and The Air!
The Goddess of Lightning: She is represented, surround by lightning; and using them, when she goes to fight against difficulty situations; indomable and strong, as the lightning she controls.
The Goddess of The Death: She is the mother of the Egguns, (Spirits) and lives in the door of The Cemetery; position than recieved after her sister said, than her father left Oya out of the inheritance for not been there in that moment; which she considered to being unfair. Her father, (Once Oya, was rescued); said than there only was one place without an owner, than was the cemetery: Oya, accepted gladly; and she became the Goddess of Cemeteries; since then.
The Goddess of Rebirth: In all the ancient religions around The World, Death was seen as merely a passing from The Earthly World; into the The Spiritual World, (Paradise, Heaven; Hell, Only a Place of Rest for The Souls of The Ones than have passed away, etc.) before the Soul backed to Earth again; and because Oyá, is a Deity related with Death; which wasn't seen as The Final, but; as a new beginning... Oyá, represents the reencarnation of The Ancestors; and the lack of memory, than comes with rebirth, so... For all this, she is too; a Goddess of Rebirth!
Oyá, is the only female warrior Deity and Orisha too; which is an amazing fact in itself, because women in the Yoruba Society; only can do chores than are meant for females... And being a warrior, wasn't one of them: Is remarkable than people in the Yoruba society feels a great respect for her, maybe for both of her roles; as an very powerful warrior; and... For being the keeper of the mysteries, than lay beyond this life!
Curious Fact: One of the atributes of Oyá, is than she uses all the colors; except black, and is depicted as a beautiful woman; with weapons. So... If you see an african image of a beautiful dark skinned woman, holding swords; copper bracelets, and than uses all colors but black; (in her handkerchiefs, and/or in her clothing) then... You have already found, to Oyá!
My African Ancestors, once they arrived into The Caribbean; (The first place where Africans arrived, for to being used in force labors; in The New World) were the ones than survived the trip by the sea, than were turned into slaves; forcebly separated of their families and/or friends, and forced to don't speak in their maternal languages, being forcebly converted to Catholicism; and were severely punished; when they were found making offerings to their Gods, surprised speaking in their language; or... For trying to escaped. This gruesome practices, is called Ethnocide; which is when Colonialists, tries to destroyed the culture of the people they have conquered; and colonized. But... As a form of resistance, the African Slaves; makes two very brilliants moves, against their enslavers: First, combining their maternal languages and dialects; with the language of their owners, and they created a new dialect; that confused to their enslavers, while they were planning how to been freed of them; at the same time; the language is called, Creole. And, the second move was; than because their cults were forbidden by the enslavers and their owners, they combined figures of The Catholicism; than had similarities with their Gods, like for example; Oyá, was sincretized with Saint Teresa of Avila and The Virgin of Candelaria; in that way, the could still leaves offerings to their Gods; while they were in front of the image of a Virgin or Catholic Saint, without rising suspictions over them; and avoided been punished! (I was rejoiced when I had 10 years old, of hearing how my African Ancestors resisted conversion; and foughted with cleverness, [And, sometimes... With weapons and rebellions, too!] until Slavery; was abolished in all The Islands of The Caribbean, FOREVER!)
Despite than The Colonialism, destroyed most of The Arawak and African heritage; and I have found many people in my nation, than denies their Ancestry; for centuries of racial shaming indoctrination... I will take the chance to say this: Maybe I am a Pagan today, in part because my Ancestors had the courage to preserved their language and religion; the best way they could, and somehow; they passed me their strenght, so even if I don't looked like them, they inspired me enough to speaked to any person than tried than I shut up so I never speaked of my true origins; and when I told them with all my indignation and fury; even when a was I kid, than I’m wasn't white: I am of mixed origins and pale skin... But my heart and soul is Pagan, and I am forever linked by blood; DNA and pride, with my Pagan Ancestors of both sides of The Atlantic... (I have only saw one of my African Ancestors in dreams, but; wherever they are... This post, is for all of you; too: Thank you for have showned courage in those horrible times, in the faces of Slavery; Injustice and Death... And for showing me, than giving up of my beliefs is not an option; and doing it, is only a life full of cowardice; shame, pain, and than it lacks of all human dignity!)
This is all, about The Yoruba Goddess and Orisha; than has power over Lightning, Winds; The Air, Storms, Death and Rebirth: Oyá!
Have all of you, days full of Courage; Fearlessness, Pasion, and of winning all the battles; so you can always makes to your Ancestors, proud of you... So Be It!
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*runs in*
colllege athlete!au where jjk men see you in their varsity jacket and just goes batshit crazy. They defo win the game afterwards and fuck you in it, best orgasm of your life.
*runs out*
❄️
a/n: MY LORD .......................... YOU JUST UNLOCKED SUM IN ME ICY !!!!! discussions of p -> v sex, unprotected sex, breeding, oral f! receiving, name calling, semi-public sex, long LONG post
gojo would def be the one to suggest it at first. hes even offering to buy two jackets just for you but then youre like “but i dont want you to waste money satoru... plus i want it to smell like you..!” omg that makes gojo cum on the spot lmfao. but is mostly caught off guard when you first wear it - it happens when its the half time of the game and his team is not doing particularly well bc he made u a little upset the night before and he felt bad :( youve been on his mind for the whole game and hes so distracted poor boy. but u also think you were being a little childish in how you reacted, so youre stealing his varsity jacket way earlier than he leaves and hes so confused when that morning he cant find it. shows up to the game in another jacket and got an earful from his coach that no one really likes, and bc theyre doing so badly, at half time the coach didnt want to meet with them for pep talk either. boo fuck the coach but anyway, youre rushing down to the lockets and whatnot in his jacket. feels like straight out of a movie dude omg. that troy and gabriella shit bc gojo is dragged outside and is hugging you close and muttering apologies into your neck, kissing u all over sigh. its gotten him a big boost of adrenaline tho! and as the star player of his team a lot of his teammates feed off of his energy. gojo is the last to leave the locker room, wanting to have a little more time with you. he twirls you around and admires you in his large jacket and makes out with you until he hears the buzzer from outside LOL. gives u a deep kiss, “ill win and fuck you good later, alright princess?” “go get ’em, satoru. i’ll be here always.”
yeah he def fucked you good later on, making you strip out of everything but his jacket and pounded u nice and good in the locker room long after everyone left. made you ride him on the benches, ate you out as you sat on the benches and kept thanking u for being his lucky charm thru all his matches. the grip on your hips were so heavy they were pprobably bruised, and the clanking of the lockers were so noisy it was a wonder you two werent caught. “that’s right, baby— taking my cock like the good girl you are,” you’re pushed up against the university lockers and railed into from brhind, sticking his fingers into your mouth as he made u arch your back in that varsity jacket of his. ooh lord. brought you out on a winning date and fucked u in his car, fucked you back at his home all the while wearing his jacket !!!!!!!
/
geto has never thought of it personally, but he wonders about it one day, thinking bout you in it without anything and he gets hard as heeellllll. has been wantin to put you in it for the longest time but just didnt have the opportunity to - youre always prepared with a cardigan or jacket of your own or you simply just dont get cold much to suguru’s dismay. so when you’re shivering one day before a game (sometimes they would watch the match before to get a sense of the two teams, and also bc you wanted to travel light handed for the date geto was going to bring you to after), geto’s so so quick to offer up his varsity jacket before you can think of any counter to it. but what you dont tell him is that youve been “avoiding” in a way, just bc you know if u get access to his jacket he will never. get. it. back. you have a knack for stealing his clothes bc geto smells good good and youre addicted to his scent. but either way youre trying not to gasp at the largeness of the jacket ... 🙏 same girl. you’re slipping one arm and then the other, wrapped in the safeness of geto’s jacket and hes trying so hard to show u that he isnt shivering LMFOAOAAOAO thank god the match was ending already and his team was up next. gojo only nods towards you later in the locker room as you stay thru their coach’s talk, smiling sickly bc he just knew what his best friend was going to do afterwards.
soon enough he can hear the cheers of the spectators flood his ears but hes only focused on you running up to him from the bleachers and hugs you close in his sweaty body (which u protest against and laugh about), but hes whispering “you dont mind though, right baby?” yeah you DEF dont mind it when he pulls you into the janitor’s closet and his body is grinding against yours. “was so hard playing through the game, yknow how difficult that is?” you reply back with i cant imagine with a giggle and let him do whatever he wants to you: hes so impatient he cant pull his game pants down all the way and the same goes for you. both your bottoms are stuck atound your thighs, and youre trying to stay quiet in that squeezy closet. it’s hard. youre so wet you dont exactly need foreplay, just maybe some brief fingering which has you whining into his neck and he slips in after. fucks you until the pails and cleaning supplies are falling to the floor and youre hoping to take off the varsity jacket but he refrains you from it, loving the way ur white shirt is turning wet from all your sweat. it’s sloppy, disgusting, juices spurting everywhere and youre so tight from your pressed-together thighs. i guess he has no choice but to put you in a mating press too and he goes so deeeep in that position you moan out loud. “yeah— made to take my cock like a slut, ain’t ya? only natural when you’re lookin’ so good in my jacket.” getos gross and u love it.
/
nanami fits better as an alumni whos come back for a friendly current students vs alumni match. hes entering the gym with haibara and his two annoying seniors gojo and geto and while they talk a lot of crap theyre great players. nanami comes up to greet you since youre still their manager and hes one year above you. dating across years is a little difficult esp with how nanami was in his last year of uni, and now that hes looking for work while u finish your last year .... it’s hectic thats for sure, but u guys make it work perfectly fine bc nanami prioritises you a lot!! but late youve been busy with midterms and him with settling in with his new job that he almost forgot about today’s match. is met with nostalgia the first time he steps intothe gym again but he never expected you to wear the varsity jacket that’s stuffed deep into your closet. frankly it doesnt fit him at all any mroe but you thought it to be fitting to wear it in this once in a lifetime match (bc hes just so busy!!!! to book a date w/ nanami is like going to the army dawg). nanami’s jaw drops when u first step foot into the gym and oh my god youre going to be the umpire too? he is going to become too distracted, instantly taken back to the many many times hes gotten you trapped in the gym bathroom with his cock in your mouth, or the time you ride him in the empty gym in the corner (it was late at night!!!!), or also the time right after his loss where he took all his anger and frustration out on you, jersey between his teeth as he uses you. something switched in nanami that day when u expressed how much u liked the roughness tee hee. surprisingly hes even more focused, in a way of proving something to himself bc he can probably count on everyone’s hands the number of times hes missed a cue from a teammate before when he was still in school just cause u were wearing his jacket 😭😭😭 man you dont even need to be in the jacket! thats how obsessed he is with u!!!
shoots you a small smile after each point and is trying to hard not to run to you to get a good job kiss. also finds the fact that youre judging appropriately and not showing biasness just cause nanami’s on one team really really hot! the way you call the shots, give the accurate penalties and that booming voice of yours echoing thru out the gym ..... youre so good at being umpire that even the juniors cant deny they lost fair and square and not just cause youre nanami’s girl. altho bc you two are so good at hiding they dont rlly suspect anything until hes kissing you - something that even he isnt that comfy with but he just needed to show off !!!!! that isnt the case when later he has you back in the gym, reminiscent of that one time!!! but nanami found it so hot, hes backing you back up into the quiet gym, illuminated by the moonlight. its way late after dinner and the uni students have gone back to their dorm already while the alumni has departed for their homes and its just you. thank god the gym is also located in a place that is a little secluded and disconnected from the campus so it isnt long before youre both making out against the walls of the gym, moans and sounds echoing in the large hall. “just like old times?” “yeah. except ill be taking my time with you” yeah, u take ur time indeed: the gargling of your mouth and groans of nanami is so disgustingly filthy, slobbering all over his dick and he also eats you out on the floor. when he stretches u out with his fingers you can hear yourself bc youre so wet that you drip to the floor. but none of u give a shit when you settle atop nanami and start riding him needily, bouncing and moaning out his name. the way the sounds of your slapping skin makes it way back to is gross!!!! but so hot!!!! its so lewd !!! you get tired soon enough and nanami thrusts up into you with whispers of ur name in the gym. u do that hot thing where you pull up your shirt and pull down ur bra so your tits r spilling out .... OOOOOOHH it gets nanami cumming instantly, esp with the large frame of the varsity jacket on you that he cums more than usual <3333
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toji, rather than a player, is a coach for the team. youre the manager whos helping with all the admin stuff and waterbottles/towels and with moral in the team - kind of like kiyoko and yachi in hq, but when u show up always no one knows whose varsity jacket youre wearing. they all speculate between themselves and have their thoughts but the team members never suspect that it’s their own coaches one. it looks too similar to the team’s with no name on the back, the sewing is exactly the same and the small logo of their team takes its place on the left breast as usual. but they never bother to check the inside where toji has made a large blotched ‘T’ on the label and your name squeezed in on the underside. toji loves to see it on you, esp in games and while hed love to see it on you outside of it he cant run the risk that he’s dating the manager. but he also especially loves it when you surprise him at home: wearing his jacket with nothing but your panties, prancing around and doing chores as he comes back from another gruelling match. ohhhh the things he’d do to you... but the best is when you do it in public. that changes the whole game
you’re helping with practice here and there, picking up the stray shuttlecocks/volleyballs/whatever sport around the gym as they practice their drills, but toji realises you dont reach over and bend like you usually do - normally youd do it when you know toji’s the only one to be standing behind you so he can see your panties under the short skirt but you dont do ANYTHING so he wonders if he did smtg wrong. but also you’re squatting down to pick up things? it’s only later when you saunter up to him as his team is distracted and you unzip the jacket just a little and he gets the glimpse of the lingerie set he bought you and very very riskily bringing his hand down to your centre where you’re bare. toji groans to himself when he feels that youre already so wet, playing with your folds just barely until his student calls out to him and youre both shocked out of your daze. “you’re in for it, doll.” takes u to the equipment room, and fucks right after dismissing the team. “doing this typa shit in front of the boys? dirty girl.” youre holding onto the shelves of the equipment and it’s rattling so much that things are tethering so close to the edge, it’s insanity. the sight of his cock disappearing into you while you wear that short skirt is just pure serotonin for him, plus your moans echo a lot throughout the room along with the slapping of ur skin. stuffs the collar of the varsity jacket into your mouth to keep you quiet as he cums in you <3333 “look at that...” sighs when he removes his cock from you and cum drips to the floor, “my pretty manager.”
OKAY BYE . I NEED TO BE SPAYED.
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