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#I dont talk much about me but after a whole life of this I cant shut up anymore
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Quitting Weed Day 9 Status Report 📝
to start off , i'll say, i do indeed feel like Ass ! this post might get a tad emo. regretting my life choices to smoke for as long as i have 😕 But then again, maybe that's harsh, cus i was just doing the best i could with the circumstances i been dealt in the past.
i couldnt just quit cold turkey cus every time i try that its way too intense and i alwaus end up going back. So the past 9 days i've been hitting my (extremely weak) weed cart a couple times a night, only after 9pm, just to help me sleep. Before that i was smoking probly like. 5-8 bowls a day, followed by hitting the weed pen RELENTLESSLY all night until i passed out. So its still been a huge change lol. From tonight onwards tho i'm done w the weed pen and ready to try 0 thc 🙏
kind friend @palmceader sent me a CBD tincture made for sleep (thanku again 🥹) which im sure has a TINY percentage of thc, but nothing even close to how much im used to.
i cant even imagine how fried my dopamine receptors are, cus honestly, i feel Fucked. spaced out is an understatement. i cant focus on anything and its kinda driving me insane. it feels impossible to read or draw or do any of my hobbies.. my body feels heavy and depressed. No motivation. its kinda the opposite of what i was expecting. i can barely keep my eyes open during the day..
on a brighter note i havent been struggling too much with sleep or appetite. i think sleepy time tea + the tincture + magnesium is rly helping. my dreams recall is already improving so much, and the times i have nightmares arent as bad as its been previous times i tried to quit. i havent rly struggled with cravings at all either, which used to be a huge obstacle for me ! im just so over it now. i was starting to get chest pains and coughing a lot, which was taking any joy out of the act of smoking for me.
morbid to say but I often think of my father and how his rampant addictions directly lead him to such a painful and horrific early death. its a rare perspective of imagery so disturbing , i know i can't go on in such a manner. Like, what a fucking fool i would be! For others i can understand it but for me, no. it has haunted me for a long time to know i'm letting myself go down that path, even with all my insistent self-justification that his death is what brought me to this in the first place. deep down ive been knowing i need to break the cycle like i have the choice and the power, im still alive im still here ..
Sorry if thats depressing to bring up! i do feel depressed tho. i cant use weed to hide from my pain anymore.. i have to rewire my whole ass method of coping with stress at age 30. i know i can do it but its gonnnna be a long winded process full of ups n downs. Running away is no longer an option and thats a lot to face! a lot of old wounds i never rly dealt with, cus i kept my head in the 💨clouds💨 for so long.
i promise not to give up this time tho no matter how hard it gets 🙏 i want to set a good example too like indunno a lot of younger ppl follow me now i dont wanna feed into narratives that may influence them in bad directions. i have a responsible heart. i rly dont think weed is cool i havent since i was like 16. i was just dependent on it so i tried to romanticisze its role in my life. its silly.
im kinda laughing now cus im like god, i initially felt like the reason im quitting is so i can be more active in my dream world, but the more i think about it the more i notice MANY many more reasons to quit that go way deeper.
All in all the reason im talking about it is to maybe inspire other ppl who have been on the verge of quitting but too afraid to rly take the plunge-- Ur not alone, ur not weak for being addicted, if u need to reach out to me u are more than welcome.
Ppl rly downplay weed addiction cus the withdrawals arent life threatening like other substances, but that doesnt mean its a walk in the park. Most ppl i know who are stoners have never been able to quit for similar reasons as me. It takes a major psychological hold over u. if u ever need to vent about it or need advice, im here!
if u read all of this, pls dont worry abt me xD Even if it feels miserable rn i have faith things will improve, the heaviness and brainfog will lift, the emotions will be purged, i am excited for my future. One day at a time....Dont giving up 🙏
Signed, PMD9
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correctproseka · 1 day
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Been thinking about absolutely strong An has been through this event.
- Finds out her aunt died from her uncle after he said her team would never beat RAD Weekend in their lifetime
- Watched her colleagues (EVER, Arata, Kotaru) get decimated in a singing battle SECONDS AFTER by the same uncle who broke the sad news to them (Arata especially getting Shredded from Taiga’s remarks about carrying dreams since he carries Soma’s dream of becoming the best singer ever)
- Later performing against said uncle with her team WHILE STILL PROCESSING NAGI’S DEATH, WHAT TAIGA IS DOING, and other thoughts racing in her head, only to get eviscerated by him sINCE SHES GOING THROUGH A LOT AT THE MOMENT MENTALLY (“Your Aunt’s dead, your team wont ever beat me, lets have a rap battle now!!” - Taiga)
- Seeing said colleagues leave seemingly forever because their dreams have been shattered, only having her own team
- Her father finding them and telling her the whole truth, which included the reason why until now everyone had been LYING TO HER FOR YEARS about Nagi’s condition
AND THIS HAPPENS ALL IN ONE DAY
AND SHE GETS RIGHT BACK UP AFTER A FEW MOMENTS OF GRIEVING NAGI’S DEATH
She gets back up, thats true, but lets make a few things clear.
She only gets back up because she has her team and her dad. If anyone in her team had given up, i dont think she could've handled. And as much as she is rightfully angry at her dad, he is also a good reason she can stay as confident as she is.
Plus, we know that whatever happened was NOT acceptance, well, it kind of was, but also not. You know the stages of grief are.. weird. An skipped denial (or we can count those three years as denial), right into anger- and she unleashed that anger while singing, and is angry at her town and at her dad- and in between anger she has depression, i would say they're both so intertwined you can barely see which is which. She can't bargain, or maybe she's bargaining at herself, she cant fully break down in front of Taiga, or until she learns of everything.
And once she does, more at side cards than in the actual story. Here comes the acceptance, alongside again more depression. You just know she possibly cried herself to sleep that night- if she slept at all. But also, yes, An is strong, but we cant just ignore the fact that she set her feelings to the side enough to cry at a safe place- and that she has her team to lift her up.
Because for one. Nagi is right. If An knew about it before she met Kohane, and before they formed Vivid Bad Squad, An would have given up on music all together, not that she wasn't strong then, she would have gotten over with that situation, probably EASIER without yknow. Knowing it three years later. But also the main reason she was into music would be gone, so what was the point? Now she has more people- and more reasons- to be into music.
Just adding salt to the wound yknow.
Also my headcanon is that after An was. Like yknow, not fighting tears just because of Nagi's name (which took like a full week), Ken took her to the cemetery where Nagi is, which made An cry all over again but helped her mourn since she never had the chance to, he walked away to give them a bit of privacy while An talks to the grave to give Nagi updates about her life and in the end, she feels more determined than ever, she leaves a little drawing of the vbs logo on top of it and goes back more at peace than when she came in.
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bringitfine · 3 months
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im about to be such a stupid hater but as an aromantic person i hate the httyd 3 ending.
#YES i know its similar to the books ending#but idk man toothless leaving hiccup to go live far away with some random dragon he met like two days ago after he and hiccup have basically#grown up together just rubs me the wrong way#they've been through so much together#both literally saving the life of the other at one point#and YES i know they didn't just leave bc of that#but CMON THEIR FRIENDSHIP??? toothless and hiccup care so much about eachother#they're basically eachother's whole world#they're soulmates even /p#even valka tells her son that he has the soul of a dragon#idc what ppl say#idc if the ending was supposed to be ''realistic''#it's a fictional world they could've came up with a happier ending where they didn't have to get separated#also i love love love astrid#dont get me wrong#but even since i was a kid i never really cared that much about her's and hiccups relationship#← aka aroace person speaking#yeah they have a lot of cute moments together#just bc im aroace that doesn't mean i cant find their relationship really cute#but again the friendship between dragons and humans is what the story is all about#idk where im going with this anymore sorry#im tired n mad n i just wanted to talk about one of my favorite franchises in the world#i love to just pretend the actual stayed together at the end of the third movie n also the light fury doesnt really exist#sorry but thats a topic for another post#bc i feel like this one has too many tags already#not that i completely hate the light fury#its more complicated than that
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zymstarz · 11 days
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
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#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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cinnamon-notes · 1 month
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i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)
#feeling so bad about it but like i cant bring myself to interact with people right now but i am also constantly sad because i dont interact#with anyone out of work :/ but working makes me socially exhausted & tbh all i wanna do is be depressed with my books & my movies &my tunes#but i also crave affection like i realize i have zero social life and i sometimes schedule some hangout with my friends but it's almost#become like idk a task? something i look at through work eyes. like- i arrange our hangouts the way i arrange work meetings. it's so sad.#i know it is. but still- i cant help it. through all my life ive been missing having a lifelong friend who knows me like the back of their#hands and i know like the back of mine. never had it. cant cry over that. it's passed. i cant invent lifelong friendships that never existed#and i gotta make peace with that. plus- what am i complaining about if im just incapable of keeping any friend for longer than a month???#after the first month- maybe the first couple of months- it all gets boring and dont get me wrong i really love my friends but somehow they#lose interest in me and i lose interest in them and we become just people who know each other and occasionally hang out but like- i've never#had a friend who's there for me when things happen in my life. i've always had friends to tell things to afterwards. like- i know i cant#really pick up the phone and say “hey. im having a bad time. can we take a walk? talk on the phone? can you tell me about your day? can you#just be here for me?“ and i cant even idk just randomly pop up with a ”oh my god i hate him i hate him i hate him it's a whole montague vs#capulet but if romeo and juliet never existed kind of hatred!!“ i just cant vent right away. ive always thought that that's my problem.#and maybe it is. but still- how's come they can vent to me? im always there right away. i do love my people and i show up for them.#sometimes my depression makes it soooo difficult to hang out constantly but if there's one thing that cannot be said about mw is that i dont#care. cuz i do. and maybe that's the problem#and maybe it's just easier for me to care than let others care? idk? but then again- i did try to open up. i did try to let them care. i did#try everything by the book & off the book but still- idk it's always just an “im sorry” never an “i care so much to say more than im sorry”#and yeah it's my problem cuz i am not a constant person im not that steady in what i do. i still dont know if it's because i havent found#yet the people worth doing it or if i am just traumatized (my ex is knocking on this door lol) but- idk it makes me extremely sad!!!#and ive rambled on way too much but i jusg needed to let some things out of my mind cuz i cant understand whats wrong with me and why i#crave true friendships although im hella scared of and bored of and unwilling to nurturing one :)#cinnamon diary
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fiendishartist2 · 3 months
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guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.
#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls#okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases#one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes#''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it''#so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars#and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get-#-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth#and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand)#but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude-#-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl#anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it-#-from like prayers#so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you''#so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore#but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since-#-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it#for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid-#-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo-#-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3#i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted-#-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives#like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them#or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings#or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each-#-other anyways#i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life-#-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in#i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's#-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6
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biteapple · 1 year
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i really fuckin hate my current roommate situation for multiple reasons. one of which is due to him deciding to quit her job immediately after i moved down here i had to be the only leaseholder with a secret roommate situation. and now. their gate system is changing and uses an app to open the gate with a verified occupant's phone number. fuuuuck im like banging my head against the wall
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Pagan Misconceptions Clarified: Why Oyá, is NOT "Only The Warrior Goddess of Violent Storms, and Also; The One That Hold The Keys Of The Cemetery?!"
   This is the only atributes most people known about Oyá, and... I can't sincerely blame them: African Religions, are almost unknown; and... Unless you are an Historian, have growned up in Africa; or in one of the many nations of The Caribbean... You will be generally in the dark, knowing little to none; about African Deities, (excepting for Egypt and Carthage, the last being today's, Morroco) but... Since I was a kid, despite my parents wanting me to never get near of any beliefs outside Christianity; something of that came in local documentaries, and in some songs singed in the media; by devotees of Santeria. When I was in 4th of Elementary, I learned about my ancestors in school; and I felt pained for how much they suffered, so... I'm going to honor the African part of me, and to my African Ancestors than came at The Caribbean as slaves; by making this post, about the Goddess that catched my total attention; two years before I became a teenager: Oyá!
   Oyá, is too: The Goddess of The Winds and The Air, The Goddess of Lightning; The Goddess of The Death, and... The Goddess of Rebirth!
   Oyá, is an Yoruba Goddess and Orisha; that was married to Ogun, The God of War and Metals; until one day, she fall in love of Shango; The Warrior God of Thunder, and she left that Shango kidnapped her, which causes than Oggun and Shango; became into eternal enemies. She is the mother of The Eggunes, and she was given Total Dominion; over The Death. She wears bracelets and uses tools made of copper, as eternal gratitude to her sister Oshun; than losed her virginity, to saved her.
    Before I talk more about Oya, an important note: The Yoruba Deities, in the time of the Atlantic Slave Trade in The Americas; traveled too with their followers, and The Yoruba Religion; was syncretized with Catholicism, knowned as: Santeria; (Spanish Caribbean) Candomblé, (Brasil, Argentina, Uruguay) Quimbanda, (Brasil's Urban Settlings) Trinidad Orisha, (Trinidad and Tobago Islands) Umbamda, (Brasil, Argentina, Uruguay) and others. The Orishas, are spirits than are mostly considerated as Deities, and; at the same time, as manifestations of the Supreme Deity; Olodumare. These Diasporic Religions, are closed practices; which means than you can't just wake up one day, and decides that you wants to be part of any of them: In the mayority, you have to be born inside that culture; in other cases, you must have at least one African ancestor in your family; or in others, you have to being initiated by a priest, and do rituals within the people of their community. (If you want to study the basic info about any of them, in a serious manner; go ahead, or... If you want to go to a ritual, asked to a practitioner if you can go; asked about the correct behaviour if you get invited, and above all... Be respectful with The Deities, and to anyone than is in this faith; in the same way than you are respectful when visiting to friends or older relatives, Okay?!)
     And now... The other atributes and domains of Oyá!
    The Goddess of The Winds and The Air: She is associated with the winds, and uses her powerful singing; to move them into action. It is said too, than she doesn't only control the winds; but than she also control, the air than humans need to breath! For this reasons; she is The Goddess of The Winds and The Air!
    The Goddess of Lightning: She is represented, surround by lightning; and using them, when she goes to fight against difficulty situations; indomable and strong, as the lightning she controls.
    The Goddess of The Death: She is the mother of the Egguns, (Spirits) and lives in the door of The Cemetery; position than recieved after her sister said, than her father left Oya out of the inheritance for not been there in that moment; which she considered to being unfair. Her father, (Once Oya, was rescued); said than there only was one place without an owner, than was the cemetery: Oya, accepted gladly; and she became the Goddess of Cemeteries; since then.
    The Goddess of Rebirth: In all the ancient religions around The World, Death was seen as merely a passing from The Earthly World; into the The Spiritual World, (Paradise, Heaven; Hell, Only a Place of Rest for The Souls of The Ones than have passed away, etc.) before the Soul backed to Earth again; and because Oyá, is a Deity related with Death; which wasn't seen as The Final, but; as a new beginning... Oyá, represents the reencarnation of The Ancestors; and the lack of memory, than comes with rebirth, so... For all this, she is too; a Goddess of Rebirth!
    Oyá, is the only female warrior Deity and Orisha too; which is an amazing fact in itself, because women in the Yoruba Society; only can do chores than are meant for females... And being a warrior, wasn't one of them: Is remarkable than people in the Yoruba society feels a great respect for her, maybe for both of her roles; as an very powerful warrior; and... For being the keeper of the mysteries, than lay beyond this life!
    Curious Fact: One of the atributes of Oyá, is than she uses all the colors; except black, and is depicted as a beautiful woman; with weapons. So... If you see an african image of a beautiful dark skinned woman, holding swords; copper bracelets, and than uses all colors but black; (in her handkerchiefs, and/or in her clothing) then... You have already found, to Oyá!
     My African Ancestors, once they arrived into The Caribbean; (The first place where Africans arrived, for to being used in force labors; in The New World) were the ones than survived the trip by the sea, than were turned into slaves; forcebly separated of their families and/or friends, and forced to don't speak in their maternal languages, being forcebly converted to Catholicism; and were severely punished; when they were found making offerings to their Gods, surprised speaking in their language; or... For trying to escaped. This gruesome practices, is called Ethnocide; which is when Colonialists, tries to destroyed the culture of the people they have conquered; and colonized. But... As a form of resistance, the African Slaves; makes two very brilliants moves, against their enslavers: First, combining their maternal languages and dialects; with the language of their owners, and they created a new dialect; that confused to their enslavers, while they were planning how to been freed of them; at the same time; the language is called, Creole. And, the second move was; than because their cults were forbidden by the enslavers and their owners, they combined figures of The Catholicism; than had similarities with their Gods, like for example; Oyá, was sincretized with Saint Teresa of Avila and The Virgin of Candelaria; in that way, the could still leaves offerings to their Gods; while they were in front of the image of a Virgin or Catholic Saint, without rising suspictions over them; and avoided been punished! (I was rejoiced when I had 10 years old, of hearing how my African Ancestors resisted conversion; and foughted with cleverness, [And, sometimes... With weapons and rebellions, too!] until Slavery; was abolished in all The Islands of The Caribbean, FOREVER!)
    Despite than The Colonialism, destroyed most of The Arawak and African heritage; and I have found many people in my nation, than denies their Ancestry; for centuries of racial shaming indoctrination... I will take the chance to say this: Maybe I am a Pagan today, in part because my Ancestors had the courage to preserved their language and religion; the best way they could, and somehow; they passed me their strenght, so even if I don't looked like them, they inspired me enough to speaked to any person than tried than I shut up so I never speaked of my true origins; and when I told them with all my indignation and fury; even when a was I kid, than I’m wasn't white: I am of mixed origins and pale skin... But my heart and soul is Pagan, and I am forever linked by blood; DNA and pride, with my Pagan Ancestors of both sides of The Atlantic... (I have only saw one of my African Ancestors in dreams, but; wherever they are... This post, is for all of you; too: Thank you for have showned courage in those horrible times, in the faces of Slavery; Injustice and Death... And for showing me, than giving up of my beliefs is not an option; and doing it, is only a life full of cowardice; shame, pain, and than it lacks of all human dignity!)
    This is all, about The Yoruba Goddess and Orisha; than has power over Lightning, Winds; The Air, Storms, Death and Rebirth: Oyá!  
     Have all of you, days full of Courage; Fearlessness, Pasion, and of winning all the battles; so you can always makes to your Ancestors, proud of you... So Be It!   
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malkaviian · 1 year
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i am having a great time here on life dot com
#/s#i only ate a scrambled egg today; i couldnt finish it and i feel sick#something else happened today that just showed how this girl is even more manipulative. how did you turned out like this.#or maybe you were ALWAYS like this and youre just showing your true nature now? how i didnt realized this before? we were friends for years#and honestly at this point i would say whatever ruin your life; nobody is going to stay that long around you like we did.#but you have A WHOLE ASS CHILD. A 4 NEARLY 5 MONTHS OLD BABY THAT DEPENDS TOTALLY ON YOU!!!!#STOP BEING SO SELFISH!!!! AT LEAST THINK ABOUT THE SON YOU CLAIM TO LOVE!!!!#maybe im exaggerating but i feel betrayed by someone i saw as a sister + i saw her son as a nephew.#i already lost a 11 years friendship last year why is this happening to me again. and is ending in a horrible way#sorry that the rest of the group dared to still do friend stuff even after you became a mom and thus became unable to do certain things now#i *get* it; you feel envious. but we cant stop our lives just because YOURS changed. we told you multiple times we love you and your son#we love when you bring him with you because we love him; and two of us dont even like kids that much. we were excited the whole pregnancy#we supported you because we can imagine how difficult being a young; single mom is. we did that because youre important#but we committed the horrible sin of doing things without you; because you yourself said you couldnt and/or dont want to go#we committed the horrible sin of still being friends with each other and eventually bring in another friend#whom we tried for you to get along; but it didnt happened and were in the wrong for still hanging out with him.#we tried to talk about you feeling excluded from the group; but you only told us 'i dont know'; because if you directly said#'i dont like that you three have a social life together without me even when im literally unable to follow your steps now because im a mom'#you would sound extremely selfish. and you know what? you are. i get missing the stuff youre not able to do now being a mom; its normal#but its not a fucking excuse to try to destroy the rest of the group. i love how youre pretending to be the victim in this case#by saying 'oh [x] said she felt uncomfortable with me she doesnt want to be friends with us anymore :((' when its not what happened#she said the problem is YOU; not the rest of us. she told you the problems she has with you; we saw the fucking convo#and youre twisting her words to make her look like the attacker. plus trying to make us think she also wants to stop being friends with us?#literally not whats happening. you think were just going to take your word anyway and not ask her about it?#even when breaking a friendship out of nowhere is pretty important? were just going to go 'oh [x] is a bitch' without asking anything.#also we know now she has been your punching bag for so long. we saw convos and your recent attitude towards her confirm it.#anyway youre a fucking selfish manipulator who cares about things going her way only. and were seeing it now#well; i guess at least it means were aware of your true nature; even if we feel betrayed for how long you pretended towards us#things are going downwards and is literally your fault#negative
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katyobsesses · 1 year
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Fuck! My aunt has decided to invite herself to the house for a week with only a week of warning.
My mum's only week off work that she's been looking forward to for weeks.
And the spare room is currently a tip because I've been trying to come up with storage solutions and shit for my room so a good chunk of my stuff is in there. And I haven't got a new chest of drawers yet.
And I just know my aunt is going to ask all about me and what I'm up to and if I'm working yet and all of that and I just... can't do this. Not right now. Fuckkkkkkk
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piknim · 2 years
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Nothing solidifies my lesbianism more than talking to a guy
#i can not stand it#any man#the trump 2020 sock wearing guy who spits when he talks but has similar interests so we have somewhat okay conversations#i like working with him bc at least we have something in common and i like interaction but i cant stand it past that point#like if we have break at the same time i have to listen to him talk the whole time and i hate it#theres like 2 people id be interested in having a conversation with at lunch and he is definitely not one of them#i wanna know his reaction to me being gay lmao#also the flamboyant gay guy who thinks hes the shit but he is just an annoying jerk#i liked him at first bc yay gay person to be friends with and now i cant stand him#also the other guy i work with who is racist and apparently lgbtphobic but is usually nice so hes like okay to talk to#like a step grandparent who ur grandma married#who hasnt been in ur life that long#theyre nice to u but u dont like them but dont have to see them enough to really give a shit#i used to also be like maybe i could like a guy but im so male repulsed now#barf#also i should mention i mean cis male#spit man reminds me so much of the neo nazi poke nerd who asked me out right after telling me about how he had just broken up with his gf#like 2 months prior#or maybe 4 idr#kuzic if u read this i told him how u gave me a shiny mew and he kept begging me for ur info so he could trade pole#pokemon with u#idr if i told u that#also the guy who came out as trans so we could finally date but once i moved away he said he was actually cis. bro was obsessed with me#since elementary school#i have never had a good or meaningful interaction with a guy
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myriadsystem · 2 months
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#must not text him texting him is the growth killer#must not text him texting him would be bad because it will make us feel bad and its my fucking bday this weekend#im not letting me do that to us#but fucking god i miss him rn and a lot lately 😭😮‍💨 was there a traumaversary i didnt know about??#the only him related traumaversary already happened in feb and we handled it pretty fairly well (mostly due to the ffected being dormant)#but still like. what did i do last year for my bday? what did we do the year before he was probably there then but i dont remember feeling#this way around last bday? which he prroobbabblyy wasnt there for? time is not easy for me#idk its driving me crazypants lately like i miss him so much i thought he was my everything forever he told me he would be#but hes not and he never was and hes done a lot to hurt me but none of it was on purpose he was never mean or violent#and looking at old pictures we look so fucking good together and old chats the way he talked to me was so sweet and but that doesnt change#the fact that at this point in time and probably never again is he actually here#fuck this noise man ive got a cute outfit ready im going to the local museum with my grandma for my bday day#and ive got weed and tunes planned for the evening there are so many things to look forward to coming soon why#why do i seem to be stuck in the past lately. like not in active ptsd mode im not triggered as the kids love to say but i just cant stop#thinking abt him and the whole relationship and wishing he was here. wishing he never left? or more like wishing hed come back#hoping that hes changed enough and that i have too to make it work. i keep having awful visions of him coming to my door after a life attemp#and im so mad at him but i cant leave him out here so of course i invite him in to care for him and make sure hes ok#and its awful because it feels like a whisper away from being reality. its too close to what could be real#and its awful not because its a dream but because the closeness to what could be reality hurts so much when logic kicks in#and i know its not reality no matter how dang close it seems#personal#i think im splitty lately. im losing more time than usual and i cant get this boy outta my head.#i hope hes a lingering thought and not a permanent resident oh that would fuck us up so so bad#idk. idk dude! everythings fucked up atm im doing a lot of personal growth but im also behind on so many other things#i just want him out of my brain. its my fucking goddamn birthday and im making this one a good one for fucking once#i can handle the other shit later but this one do be fucking me up in a major way lately the last few days. weeks? who knows
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coridallasmultipass · 4 months
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caruliaa · 2 years
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whatever im totally fine im totally not on the verge of tears im totally not deciding right now that im never going to call someone my best friend again becuase i feel like its going to just lead to them caring less and less about me some fucking how until it leads to them forgetting to actually celebrate my brithday with me its fine its fine
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mrfoox · 2 years
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Bruh... Oliver just unloaded @ me about his ex and their breakup and im shook
#miranda talking shit#I mean ive been curious. I always want to know whats going on in people i like lifes but i also understand i cant ask about everything#Im kinda suprised he actually ... Told me. Like unprovoked just out of nowhere#I havent known too much even before they broke up. Hes always been tight-lipped but now what i heard oh boy#A 7 yr relationship .... And she apperantly cheated and dumped him for the new guy. She cheated way in the past with him too?#And she told oliver to buy her expensive stuff just the day before she broke up with him... Like that doesnt sound good at all#That sorta shit is crazy to me like... He have legit formed 95% of his life after her and made sacrifices for her through their relationshp#And she... Obviously havent been happy but instead of ending it before she went and cheated and still used him for money?#I cant imagine. Or well i can but it hurts. I feel guilty if someone give me a gift worth 50 euro... She actively asked for things#Like 200+ euro often. I... Kinda knew she 'liked nice things' but this sounds so scummy /:#I genuinely cant imgaine this whole thing on a deeper level it sounds way too much i am anxious just thinking about it with the limited#Knowledge i have... Some people are so...well selfish i guess . I dont doubt their relationship have been unhealthy#I mean they got together when they were like 14 and been togheter since then. Dude i had a relationship at 15 and i am so much#Different now than then. Im glad he got out of that whole mess. Cant imagine how he feels. I can tell he definitely still loves her#But hes angry and i think thats a good things here
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satoruhour · 8 months
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*runs in*
colllege athlete!au where jjk men see you in their varsity jacket and just goes batshit crazy. They defo win the game afterwards and fuck you in it, best orgasm of your life.
*runs out*
❄️
a/n: MY LORD .......................... YOU JUST UNLOCKED SUM IN ME ICY !!!!! discussions of p -> v sex, unprotected sex, breeding, oral f! receiving, name calling, semi-public sex, long LONG post
gojo would def be the one to suggest it at first. hes even offering to buy two jackets just for you but then youre like “but i dont want you to waste money satoru... plus i want it to smell like you..!” omg that makes gojo cum on the spot lmfao. but is mostly caught off guard when you first wear it - it happens when its the half time of the game and his team is not doing particularly well bc he made u a little upset the night before and he felt bad :( youve been on his mind for the whole game and hes so distracted poor boy. but u also think you were being a little childish in how you reacted, so youre stealing his varsity jacket way earlier than he leaves and hes so confused when that morning he cant find it. shows up to the game in another jacket and got an earful from his coach that no one really likes, and bc theyre doing so badly, at half time the coach didnt want to meet with them for pep talk either. boo fuck the coach but anyway, youre rushing down to the lockets and whatnot in his jacket. feels like straight out of a movie dude omg. that troy and gabriella shit bc gojo is dragged outside and is hugging you close and muttering apologies into your neck, kissing u all over sigh. its gotten him a big boost of adrenaline tho! and as the star player of his team a lot of his teammates feed off of his energy. gojo is the last to leave the locker room, wanting to have a little more time with you. he twirls you around and admires you in his large jacket and makes out with you until he hears the buzzer from outside LOL. gives u a deep kiss, “ill win and fuck you good later, alright princess?” “go get ’em, satoru. i’ll be here always.”
yeah he def fucked you good later on, making you strip out of everything but his jacket and pounded u nice and good in the locker room long after everyone left. made you ride him on the benches, ate you out as you sat on the benches and kept thanking u for being his lucky charm thru all his matches. the grip on your hips were so heavy they were pprobably bruised, and the clanking of the lockers were so noisy it was a wonder you two werent caught. “that’s right, baby— taking my cock like the good girl you are,” you’re pushed up against the university lockers and railed into from brhind, sticking his fingers into your mouth as he made u arch your back in that varsity jacket of his. ooh lord. brought you out on a winning date and fucked u in his car, fucked you back at his home all the while wearing his jacket !!!!!!!
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geto has never thought of it personally, but he wonders about it one day, thinking bout you in it without anything and he gets hard as heeellllll. has been wantin to put you in it for the longest time but just didnt have the opportunity to - youre always prepared with a cardigan or jacket of your own or you simply just dont get cold much to suguru’s dismay. so when you’re shivering one day before a game (sometimes they would watch the match before to get a sense of the two teams, and also bc you wanted to travel light handed for the date geto was going to bring you to after), geto’s so so quick to offer up his varsity jacket before you can think of any counter to it. but what you dont tell him is that youve been “avoiding” in a way, just bc you know if u get access to his jacket he will never. get. it. back. you have a knack for stealing his clothes bc geto smells good good and youre addicted to his scent. but either way youre trying not to gasp at the largeness of the jacket ... 🙏 same girl. you’re slipping one arm and then the other, wrapped in the safeness of geto’s jacket and hes trying so hard to show u that he isnt shivering LMFOAOAAOAO thank god the match was ending already and his team was up next. gojo only nods towards you later in the locker room as you stay thru their coach’s talk, smiling sickly bc he just knew what his best friend was going to do afterwards.
soon enough he can hear the cheers of the spectators flood his ears but hes only focused on you running up to him from the bleachers and hugs you close in his sweaty body (which u protest against and laugh about), but hes whispering “you dont mind though, right baby?” yeah you DEF dont mind it when he pulls you into the janitor’s closet and his body is grinding against yours. “was so hard playing through the game, yknow how difficult that is?” you reply back with i cant imagine with a giggle and let him do whatever he wants to you: hes so impatient he cant pull his game pants down all the way and the same goes for you. both your bottoms are stuck atound your thighs, and youre trying to stay quiet in that squeezy closet. it’s hard. youre so wet you dont exactly need foreplay, just maybe some brief fingering which has you whining into his neck and he slips in after. fucks you until the pails and cleaning supplies are falling to the floor and youre hoping to take off the varsity jacket but he refrains you from it, loving the way ur white shirt is turning wet from all your sweat. it’s sloppy, disgusting, juices spurting everywhere and youre so tight from your pressed-together thighs. i guess he has no choice but to put you in a mating press too and he goes so deeeep in that position you moan out loud. “yeah— made to take my cock like a slut, ain’t ya? only natural when you’re lookin’ so good in my jacket.” getos gross and u love it.
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nanami fits better as an alumni whos come back for a friendly current students vs alumni match. hes entering the gym with haibara and his two annoying seniors gojo and geto and while they talk a lot of crap theyre great players. nanami comes up to greet you since youre still their manager and hes one year above you. dating across years is a little difficult esp with how nanami was in his last year of uni, and now that hes looking for work while u finish your last year .... it’s hectic thats for sure, but u guys make it work perfectly fine bc nanami prioritises you a lot!! but late youve been busy with midterms and him with settling in with his new job that he almost forgot about today’s match. is met with nostalgia the first time he steps intothe gym again but he never expected you to wear the varsity jacket that’s stuffed deep into your closet. frankly it doesnt fit him at all any mroe but you thought it to be fitting to wear it in this once in a lifetime match (bc hes just so busy!!!! to book a date w/ nanami is like going to the army dawg). nanami’s jaw drops when u first step foot into the gym and oh my god youre going to be the umpire too? he is going to become too distracted, instantly taken back to the many many times hes gotten you trapped in the gym bathroom with his cock in your mouth, or the time you ride him in the empty gym in the corner (it was late at night!!!!), or also the time right after his loss where he took all his anger and frustration out on you, jersey between his teeth as he uses you. something switched in nanami that day when u expressed how much u liked the roughness tee hee. surprisingly hes even more focused, in a way of proving something to himself bc he can probably count on everyone’s hands the number of times hes missed a cue from a teammate before when he was still in school just cause u were wearing his jacket 😭😭😭 man you dont even need to be in the jacket! thats how obsessed he is with u!!!
shoots you a small smile after each point and is trying to hard not to run to you to get a good job kiss. also finds the fact that youre judging appropriately and not showing biasness just cause nanami’s on one team really really hot! the way you call the shots, give the accurate penalties and that booming voice of yours echoing thru out the gym ..... youre so good at being umpire that even the juniors cant deny they lost fair and square and not just cause youre nanami’s girl. altho bc you two are so good at hiding they dont rlly suspect anything until hes kissing you - something that even he isnt that comfy with but he just needed to show off !!!!! that isnt the case when later he has you back in the gym, reminiscent of that one time!!! but nanami found it so hot, hes backing you back up into the quiet gym, illuminated by the moonlight. its way late after dinner and the uni students have gone back to their dorm already while the alumni has departed for their homes and its just you. thank god the gym is also located in a place that is a little secluded and disconnected from the campus so it isnt long before youre both making out against the walls of the gym, moans and sounds echoing in the large hall. “just like old times?” “yeah. except ill be taking my time with you” yeah, u take ur time indeed: the gargling of your mouth and groans of nanami is so disgustingly filthy, slobbering all over his dick and he also eats you out on the floor. when he stretches u out with his fingers you can hear yourself bc youre so wet that you drip to the floor. but none of u give a shit when you settle atop nanami and start riding him needily, bouncing and moaning out his name. the way the sounds of your slapping skin makes it way back to is gross!!!! but so hot!!!! its so lewd !!! you get tired soon enough and nanami thrusts up into you with whispers of ur name in the gym. u do that hot thing where you pull up your shirt and pull down ur bra so your tits r spilling out .... OOOOOOHH it gets nanami cumming instantly, esp with the large frame of the varsity jacket on you that he cums more than usual <3333
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toji, rather than a player, is a coach for the team. youre the manager whos helping with all the admin stuff and waterbottles/towels and with moral in the team - kind of like kiyoko and yachi in hq, but when u show up always no one knows whose varsity jacket youre wearing. they all speculate between themselves and have their thoughts but the team members never suspect that it’s their own coaches one. it looks too similar to the team’s with no name on the back, the sewing is exactly the same and the small logo of their team takes its place on the left breast as usual. but they never bother to check the inside where toji has made a large blotched ‘T’ on the label and your name squeezed in on the underside. toji loves to see it on you, esp in games and while hed love to see it on you outside of it he cant run the risk that he’s dating the manager. but he also especially loves it when you surprise him at home: wearing his jacket with nothing but your panties, prancing around and doing chores as he comes back from another gruelling match. ohhhh the things he’d do to you... but the best is when you do it in public. that changes the whole game
you’re helping with practice here and there, picking up the stray shuttlecocks/volleyballs/whatever sport around the gym as they practice their drills, but toji realises you dont reach over and bend like you usually do - normally youd do it when you know toji’s the only one to be standing behind you so he can see your panties under the short skirt but you dont do ANYTHING so he wonders if he did smtg wrong. but also you’re squatting down to pick up things? it’s only later when you saunter up to him as his team is distracted and you unzip the jacket just a little and he gets the glimpse of the lingerie set he bought you and very very riskily bringing his hand down to your centre where you’re bare. toji groans to himself when he feels that youre already so wet, playing with your folds just barely until his student calls out to him and youre both shocked out of your daze. “you’re in for it, doll.” takes u to the equipment room, and fucks right after dismissing the team. “doing this typa shit in front of the boys? dirty girl.” youre holding onto the shelves of the equipment and it’s rattling so much that things are tethering so close to the edge, it’s insanity. the sight of his cock disappearing into you while you wear that short skirt is just pure serotonin for him, plus your moans echo a lot throughout the room along with the slapping of ur skin. stuffs the collar of the varsity jacket into your mouth to keep you quiet as he cums in you <3333 “look at that...” sighs when he removes his cock from you and cum drips to the floor, “my pretty manager.”
OKAY BYE . I NEED TO BE SPAYED.
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