#I ended up writing an essay... sorry

[turtleblogatlast]

Things I make for myself when insomnia kicks in

Just a chart about what I wanna change up and keep consistent in my art - I mainly wanna draw Raph with a tail because he deserves one, it fits too well. Donnie gets a long tail too because I didn’t realize how dino-like he looks until I gave him one, and now it’s a must for me haha.

[neproxrezi]

someone else could write it better than me but i love how the fucked up nasty shit you can make harry do/say/be in disco elysium isn't just like, random stuff caused simply by the player having free will and control over him but they're parts of who he is and who he has been

you're not a tabula rasa. you're a sudden shock of blank pages in a big, aged, damaged book and sometimes the paper you're trying to write a better man on is torn and you see something through the gaps nobody needed to see ever again. and it's just there now again, back to the surface

[kyouka-supremacy]

I fucked up

[sunderingstars]

one of my favorite things about neuvillette is his empathy. he could’ve easily been another stoic judge who cares more for the law than his own heart, and while that is partially true, he’s ultimately put in that position because he cares.

although he’s seen as apathetic and severe by those who don’t know him, he carries one of the biggest hearts in the world; he only comes across the way he does because he doesn’t understand how to express what he feels. he feels everything so strongly he has no other choice than to pretend he doesn’t, to sacrifice his own wants for the safety of his people.

but it’s still there. no matter how hard he tries, he can never separate himself from his heart. every decision of the court weighs on him. every emotion he feels spills into the sky. every day he fights to protect a people he only sees the worst of. he’s an adoptive dad & a water connoisseur & a lonely old man. a dragon, falling in love with humanity despite having every reason not to.

[ct-multifandom]

I don’t usually make posts like this, but I’ve been seeing a lot of anti-intellectual junk lately, and I really think we need to put the word “pretentious” up on a shelf until people learn what it actually means.

It doesn’t describe someone who likes artsy-fartsy deep meaning media. People who are pretentious are fake. They’re posers trying to be sophisticated and unique, not like other girls. They pretend to only like stuff they think will make them sound cool when they talk about it. They want to act like they know something you don’t, and they want attention for it.

By definition, if you genuinely enjoy something, you can’t be pretentious. If it resonates with you, and you analyze it, and you don’t care what people think, that’s the polar opposite, actually. If you love obscure experimental prog music, if you watch underground high concept indie films through English teacher eyes, if you spend hours in a modern art museum reading each piece as a vessel for storytelling, if your backpack’s full of poetry books that inspire you, if you play underrated games that were someone’s passion project, if you have an interest in studying the classics or the masters, you are not pretentious.

Of course, some people just don’t like some stuff, and that’s fine, but that’s not what this is about. Don’t let anti-intellectuals shame you for enjoying things just because your interests are inaccessible to them, because they refuse to be brave and put effort into critical thinking. You’re not stuck up for refusing to overlook the craft of artists.

[yume127]

It’s heartbreaking to think that, by the end of Days, Roxas felt so betrayed by everyone around him to fully believe that no one—not even his best friends—would have cared if he was gone.

For months, he questioned what was happening around him. Everyone around him acted strange, and it seemed like there were some things they were not telling him, but he still chose to trust them. That was until he found out that his best friends were keeping things from him, and the Organization, whom he’d always been loyal to until that point, was planning to get rid of him.

He ended up fighting with his best friend and running away, only to witness the death of his other best friend.

At that point, everything he ever cared about was lost, and he was so desperate that he embarked on a suicidal mission to destroy the Organization and free Kingdom Hearts, under the delusion that it would give him his old life back.

Except someone stopped him before he could. He got kidnapped and put into a simulation, where he had everything he had ever wished for—a normal life he gets to spend with his best friends.

For a brief time, everything seemed okay. He was happy.

That was until strange things started happening around him. He saw things no one else could, and started questioning his reality, only to find out it was fake. It was just an illusion to keep him at bay until he’d have to give up his life for another guy he barely knew, because apparently his life was much more worthy and important than Roxas’.

It didn’t matter how much he screamed and fought. No one was going to save him as he disappeared inside Sora.

He fought one last time, against the guy he had to give up his life for, and then he just gave up. He fully surrendered to the idea that he was just a part of Sora, and that “it really has to be [Sora]”.

No one cared about Roxas, anyway. Both the bad guys and the good guys wanted to get rid of him, and not even the people who cared the most about him truly believed he deserved his own life. He was just a Nobody, after all.

Except, it was not true.

Without realizing, during the time he was alive as his own person, he touched many people’s hearts.

Axel and Xion, his best friends, truly cared about him and just wanted to protect him from his fate. Xion would have wanted to be with him and Axel forever if fate hadn’t been so cruel to them. Axel’s deepest wish, after Roxas’ disappearance, was to bring him back.

Naminé, whom he only met briefly during his last seven days and shared his same fate, found a silver lining in believing they could be together (even if through Sora and Kairi) and held onto that promise of meeting him again and talking with him about everything.

Hayner, Pence and Olette immediately offered to help Sora save Roxas upon finding out their data selves were friends with him, and looked forward to the day they’d get to meet their new friend.

Sora himself, the guy Roxas had to give up his life for, was the first person to fully believe Roxas was his own person and deserved his own life, and he made it a priority to find a way to bring Roxas back.

Even some of the people who had been antagonistic with him during his life, like Saix and Ansem the Wise, helped to make sure Roxas could come back.

It was so satisfying seeing him coming back in KH3 and recognizing that many people helped him return. Because Roxas was important, and many people did, in fact, miss him and worked hard to allow for his return.

[jewishregulus]

omg this regulus black shit gets serious. IM OUT

[hellolulu]

Oh no I tripped and fell and want to talk about Reigen again?!

Anyway I was thinking about the way the fandom views him, and I want to say it helps put Reigen into more context if you remember that he is very very normal. Like. The most normal person ever.

[Warning: Long Post]

Reigen, when we meet him, is in the middle of his quarter life crisis. He was living a normal, bland existence; raised by normal parents, going to school without doing anything of note, and funneling into an office job after finishing education. The most normal life a person can expect. Coasting on constant average. We know this much about his backstory because he's talked about it - he was living a normal, boring existence and he wasn't all that bothered by it. Then suddenly at the tender age of (insert an early-mid twenties age) he flipped. Some part of him thought "I remember wanting to be someone," so he quit his job, got a tiny apartment to live in, and on a whim started a job that looked like something fun to pass time with. Something unique and interesting and definitely not boring: being a psychic.

Now, Reigen's quarter-life crisis is, essentially, getting a bad case of middle schooler disease. He invents a new personality, it's over the top and dramatic, and while he knows it isn't real, it makes him feel special for the first time in his life. People come to his office for this and that, and sure he thinks they're mostly irritating, but they see him as someone unlike other people, they respect and look up to him. Especially due to the larger-than-life attitude he portrays himself with. And so, he's getting what he wants - he feels special and important, and he thrives!

But before long it's not enough, he starts thinking "this is kind of dumb, so maybe it's time to find something else" (again, he tells us this himself), but that's when Shigeo comes along and re-ignites that feeling of being special. Someone in his life looks up to him and thinks he's cool and dependable, someone with actual mind-blowing powers - and if I know anything about middle school disease, it's that if someone feeds into it, it'll intensify; especially if that person has some credibility.

From this point on, he's picking up more and more superpowered people who look up to him and feed into his need for attention, and he's getting more and more tangled into his lies. He even goes so far as to go and talk branch 7 of claw out of being bad guys with the reasoning that they're stuck in their middle school mindsets, while he himself is literally also in one. He just sees his mindset as different because he's self aware; he knows he isn't causing any trouble - he uses his conman skills to help people and do good more than anything. He's not like Claw, because to him the whole psychic powers thing is just an act - but they're adults who actually cause harm by acting that way, they're the ones with the actual power. And regardless of the outcome, middle school disease still is what it is; a desire to be more than you actually are. It won't go away until you accept yourself. He forces them all to accept themselves while... diverting attention from himself? Being the bigger person? Making excuses? Who knows. I don't think he does.

His birthday comes along and his mother emails him to wish him well, to recommend getting a less shady Real Job - because for all intents and purposes she knows Reigen isn't a psychic - she tells him he's getting older and she's worried that he hasn't settled down, all perfectly normal things for a mother to worry about. And yet, because by this point he's become so disconnected from the truth (that he's literally just some guy), he's quick to reject the entire message. He doesn't need to settle down, because he's living an exciting life right now, and he doesn't need a Real Job because this job is giving him everything he needs for his personal satisfaction. People with real powers look up to him, they're essentially a group of people he considers as friends and family. And, most important of all, he doesn't want to be normal. So he rejects the extension of her hand in favour of the life he lives, and goes on as he is.

Then, a little later, when he gets destroyed by the media, his mother reaches out once more - to give him an apology speech that he can use at his press conference, apparently giving him all the talking points he needs to cover in order for the ordeal to calm down. Maybe it seems a bit rude of her to assume he won't know how, but actually it seems more likely that she knows her son is in a pinch, that he's kind of a rascal who's in over his head, and that she genuinely wants to help him get out of trouble. And this time, he's more receptive; he let Shigeo down, and that crushed him. Shigeo made him believe that he actually was special, as opposed to the fake-specialness that he felt before taking him in as an apprentice. Mob stuck around to hear Reigen's advice as a person, much more often than as an esper, and deep down he knows Shigeo must know he isn't one. He seems to fall a little from his delusions during the separation period due to this loss of specialness, and because of this, when Shigeo comes back, they share their first real connection beyond being a teacher and student, and actually that moment ("my master is a good guy") shows him that Shigeo honestly sees him as a friend.

[There are manga spoilers from here on! Just a warning!]

And so, as the story continues through the last few arcs, Reigen changes a lot. He still believes in his core principles (ie. children shouldn't handle adult's problems / people with power should be more responsible over themselves / it's your responsibility to fix your mistakes / etc) because those are his true ideals, those are his authentic thoughts - but he's a lot less self-hating and cruel about himself. He seems to be realising that regardless of his actual abilities, people like him, especially as Serizawa comes to work for him, genuine and honest and enthralled to have someone good to look up to (not to mention he also has a fairly large group of espers that respect the work he's done and also look up to him). But despite this growth, he's just not ready to drop the act yet - he still gets something enriching out of it. He still wants to hang onto what he has, and so continues his lie until the last moment he needs it.

All this to say: his story cultivates in him accepting his normal-ness. He tearfully, painfully says to Mob's face that he has no powers, that he's just a guy, and that he doesn't expect Shigeo to accept him or want to be around him any more. It's the most honest we ever see him (besides whenever he's like "you've grown up so much" which are very authentic moments) but because he's spent so much time in his lies, he genuinely expects Shigeo to be hurt by the truth and hate him for it. He expects to be left behind once he pulls back the curtain to reveal his true self.

But Shigeo has pretty much always known Reigen was normal, and has always valued him for the friendship and kindness he's shared with him - he's always looked to Reigen for advice and comfort. So yes, Reigen is normal, but he has inherent value, just as much as Shigeo is abnormal, yet also has inherent value - they are each others' opposite. One wants to be mundane, the other spectacular, but they've both always been influencing each other to be both at the same time.

So, as I said, it's best to view Reigen as your local theatre kid with middle school disease, hanging out with superheroes, and driven to save the world because of it.

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: THE CITADEL (PART 1)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Thane Krios With: Flight Lt. Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Councilor Rannadril Bibsos Tembin Lesti Bensin Valern, Cmdr. Armando-Owen Bailey, and Kai Leng Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention. Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

[sapphicdib]

hey random thought but I was looking at the overseer description on the rain world wiki and it said that the green overseers only spawn in outer expanse and subterranean and that got me thinking

unlike spearmaster who had srs watching over them through the red overseer (until pebbles zap it outta existence) Hunter didn’t have any overseer watching over them

That means that Nsh wouldn’t know for sure if Hunter succeed in the mission because Hunter never made it back home, either succumbing to the rot or passing on through the void sea and Siggy wasn’t watching his cat unlike Suns

Nsh probably thought that once Moon wakes up, she could message the entire local group again however, Moon’s collapse left her in a state where she couldn’t communicate with the other iterators even after her revival

I mean, to cut slack for Nsh. Pebbles did put the entire region into lockdown (see five pebbles dialogue for when gourmand first enters the cann) so he probably couldn’t get in with Hunter but still

from Nsh’s perspective moon’s fate is uncertain. His hunter’s fate is uncertain.

Maybe he saw the little messenger going through subterranean which meant that Hunter probably succeeded. Maybe the last he has seen if his slugcat was before the Hunter entered the region and Hunter hasn’t returned home yet nor did Moon showed any signs of activity.

Maybe his plan worked and the keys were delivered. He wouldn’t know for sure…

basically all I’m saying is that Nsh feels like the person who would had definitely thrown more (hopefully non-cancerous) slugcats towards Moon instead of tossing Hunter and the angstiest option for why he didn’t was because he thought his plan fail as Hunter will never go home in the base game and Moon couldn’t communicate her revive

UGH YES!!! i hc that you can still see sig’s overseers sometimes in subterranean/outer expanse is because she’s still…well, desperately searching. at first for a sign of hunter, and then for a sign of moon when he realizes hunter’s probably not returning, or perhaps a way to get into the facility to see if his plan even worked.

part of the reason i think hunter was so sick is just because by the time sig made her, his facility wasn’t in the best shape, and he was rushing, desperate to save moon. in the note she sends her it literally says “excuse the unorthodox delivery method, equipment eroding etc etc”. i truly do not believe sig is “bad at making slugcats” or “didn’t follow suns’ instructions” because his dialogue PROVES THAT HE CAME UP WITH THE CONCEPT FIRST. (sorry that shit grinds my gears when ppl brush sig off as either stupid or malicious when it comes to hunter) because like…this mission is SO important to her. why the hell would he make hunter sick, therefore limiting her time to get to moon and possibly causing her death before she could reach her goal?

hunter’s last wish in the void sea is to be back in sig’s arms. if he were truly malicious/didn’t show respect for her messengers, why would hunter want to return? so yeah, seeing his overseer out in the outer expanse, searching for hunter or a sign of moon being alive just ;-;

i don’t rlly think she sent more messengers after that, mainly bc he knows any slugcats he makes after hunter will likely meet the same fate due to the erosion of her equipment/the fact he thinks “there will be nothing left of moon by the time one is ready”. sig just breaks my heart because she tried and tried and tried, reaching out as far as he could, and still never knew if his plan even worked. i’m gonna stop here bc if i keep talking i am going to be writing a goddamn essay that would be better than anything i ever turned in in university LMFAO i have so many goddamn Feelings about no significant harassment rain world.

also me n ghost are actually doing an rp that’s kind of like this lmfao, and in it the reason hunter gets sick is because sig basically works herself so hard she ends up damaging his structure and the sudden power failure/shutdown affects his experiments. (obviously that has no basis in canon and is more just us writing fanfiction about what could have possibly happened)

anyways after all that angst, here is a screenshot from my game where sig’s overseer showed up and sees moon bringing sluppy hunter home :’) in my dreams i can pretend she made it back LMFAO

[luimagines]

nonono, don't backtrack

please continue talking about it. I beg!! I wanna know your thoughts about the videos

(About baby sensory videos)

Ok- so you know how it's been more or less studied upon that baby love Teletubbies but anyone older finds it very disturbing and weird?

It's a similar concept of being designed for such young, fresh and fragile minds.

Like people think Teletubbies is weird because the pacing is strange, no one knows what's going on and it's very bright with very little coherence behind what characters acting..

But that's exactly how a baby would view the world!! Loud, colorful, strange and the time seems to go on and on and on (when it could have really only been the span of ten minutes).

And people have done studies on how baby minds work and found that things that are fast paced (even moderately) can induce anxiety in a baby, caused by (I'm assuming based on an educated guess) the sensory overload.

For baby sensory videos, it plays into that pace where an infants mind can properly digest the colors and patterns shown to them.

Now! For older people, (kids to adults) it's the same- but also opposite cause.

I read once that it's ok to behave as if you're 3, 5, 16, 21 (any age younger than you are) because your mind and body already know how to be that age. You've completed that level. But you don't know how to be your age yet, you're still learning. You've never been that age before.

So your brain still has that capacity of infant malleability. Those videos create a safe space for (now familiar) information to be processed. Adult and adolescent lives are bombarded with fast moving pictures, loud and constant sound and bright light and colors without cease until they fall asleep (usually).

I hesitate to use the word "regress" because that's not what's happening, but it certainly taps into a part of the mind where the thought/neuron patterns have been solidified and made like steel since they were the first ones formed.

With two ideas in mind, by allowing the mind to digest simple, familiar stimulation in a delicate environment, it gives the brain a moment to decompress and go into an almost trance like state.

It's kind of like doing Sudoku for hours and then turning around and playing Cookie Clicker. Just hit one button. Done. You can do that in your sleep. So turns your brain off even if there's still stimulation happening.

That why your babysitting attempts were successful, despite the fact that your charges were grown. :)

[ask-the-bone-boys]

[[ok gang i am genuinely so sorry to be doing this literally RIGHT before the end of the event but i've got a whole buncha stuff lining up irl that i am starting to reeeaaally need to address/prioritize and there are a couple things that i still want to do for the "finale" here that i haven't had the time to set up, so all of this is to say iiii need to take at least a day or two to Slow Down And Chill for a bit

I haven't entirely decided if this means I'll take a full break like i have been for the weekends or if I'll just post a little less than I have been, it depends on how I end up feeling really. I will absolutely try my best to make up for the days I've missed tho! I have something pretty cool planned that I think has the potential to be pretty fun, just like i said I gotta set things in place first haha]]

[jojea]

My brother.. might be dead…

[That’s why I k̶̻̉ī̴̬l̸̼͋l̵̨̈́e̷͎̽d̶̜̔ them.]

[m1ckeyb3rry]

i think it’s the fact that he can go so many directions that makes it hard for me to write him argh i want to write him soooo bad. AND STOP free his haircut let him live only he can pull it off 😣

if you write for kaiser pls do something twisted i would be SO invested you don’t understand. and omg let me hear about that nagi plot pls pls

i def feel that HAHA i think in every fandom people will interpret characters in their own ways but some characters (ex rin, shidou, barou) tend to have pretty standard fandom characterizations from fic to fic (now whether i AGREE with these standard characterizations is a separate thing but at least they are consistent) and others can be completely diff depending on who the author is. i think kaiser (and to a lesser extent nagi and sae) is subject to the latter where everyone sees him in a slightly diff way so it’s hard to nail down which version of him YOU want to write yk.

AHHH i feel like kaiser is a really good character to write darker stuff for so i do think that if i wrote for him it would be a heavier story than what i’ve been putting out recently. and we shall ignore the haircut…tbh rooting for a kainess breakup because long hair kaiser/man bun kaiser is so MAJESTIC i think ness gives him the shitty haircut on purpose so he can gatekeep

nagi plot under the cut!! heheh it’s pretty convoluted and also atm just a bunch of rough notes on my ipad…i would have to try writing the first chapter a couple of times to see if it even flowed the way i wanted it to and to make the according adjustments if it was something w potential so even if i do ever end up writing this particular story the finished product might be very different than this!! that said i am in fact sharing the entire outline so i fear you will not be very surprised by any plot twists if i ever work on this or post it

basically it’s a mix of a couple of fics for other fandoms that i never got around to writing + some newer ideas that i have had!! the main cast of characters is ofc y/n and nagi but also rin is there!! and sae and reo but they’re secondary to the main trio

it starts off in a post-apocalyptic world overrun by monsters and which has a loose oligarchy-type government. y/n is the bastard child of duke l/n, who is the head of one of the influential government families. when she’s youngish (twelve or so??) her mother dies and officials attempt to arrest her for identity fraud when she claims that she must be sent to the l/n estate as they are her only surviving family. she manages to escape and learns how to use some weapon (either a sword or a spear idk atm) to kill monsters as she has a strong desire to protect those less fortunate than her, as well as to prove herself and one day find her father so she can have a family again.

on the other hand nagi is the eternal warrior (there would be a more researched title for him but atm this is my placeholder) whose original self was there 1000 years ago when the apocalypse began and was the only one able to fight back against the monsters when they appeared. he has been reincarnating (though WITHOUT his memories LMAOAO he’s not ancient i prommy he just looks the same/has the same name in every lifetime) and once people viewed him as a defender of the people, but a while ago the mikages (another one if the influential families) took custody of him and he’s basically been their enforcer for the past 100 years so people kinda hate him. he is kind of jaded and lonely after witnessing/causing so many deaths and he doesn’t see much of a point to life besides following whatever orders reo/the mikages give him and killing who he’s told to.

at some point nagi is told to kill y/n (it’s revealed eventually that it’s because duke l/n realized she’s out there and called in a favor w the mikages but we don’t know that at first) but instead of killing her he ends up saving her life. even he can’t explain why he took the initiative to disobey orders for the first time so he decides he’ll stick with her for the time being until he can figure it out (plus going back to the mikages isn’t really an option considering he’s gone against them)

while y/n + nagi are on the run, they meet rin, who is VERY confused about a lot of things. the itoshis are basically the family above all of the other families, and he’s supposed to be their heir, plus he has memories of having a great childhood with his parents and older brother, but for some reason he finds himself on the street with nothing but a note in his fist that says “don’t trust father and sae”. nagi and y/n decide that rin’s goals of trying to reclaim his position as heir and figure out the meaning of the note (which is in his own handwriting though he doesn’t remember it) align with theirs of finding duke l/n and. just chilling ig?? idk nagi is kinda there at that point HAHA. anyways so they all decide they’ll work together.

a bunch of stuff happens blah blah this entire part will come to me when i’m actually writing LMAOOO. anyways then it’s revealed that before getting thrown out, rin realized that if he ever got to close to asking questions/getting curious about the apocalypse, he’d suddenly forget what he was doing (in an unnatural way not just him being dumb), so he began writing down notes to himself to keep track of his suspicions. however he is found out and his notes are burned before he’s cast out and his memories selectively erased, though he managed to save the note telling him not to trust his family so that he didn’t end up falling into the same pattern again.

rin reveals that sae has the power to alter memories, and that he suspects the itoshis (plus the other influential families) also have some knowledge of how the apocalypse began and how it can be ended/the monsters gotten rid of for good. y/n reaches duke l/n but he rejects her and says he wishes he sent nagi after her sooner, and that he also regrets sending them any money at all because things would’ve been better if she would’ve died as a kid. nagi manages to round up the members of the influential families (#boyboss 😜) and sae has a change of heart from seeing rin again after so long; he says that there is a way that they can stop the apocalypse from ever happening, but that means that the influential families lose the power they obtained after the fall of the world, so they’ve been hiding it from everyone since they discovered it.

every generation, an itoshi is born with the power to wipe memories and send one person back in time. with that power, they could conceivably return to the beginning of the apocalypse and prevent it from ever happening. sae is the one with that power in the present and he decides that having wealth/whatever isn’t worth the destruction of the world, so he agrees to send back y/n, as he believes she has the best chance at managing to set things right.

y/n travels back in time and meets the first version of nagi, who ends up falling in love with her. unfortunately even before the apocalypse things were kinda unsettled as everyone realized Something was going to happened, and eventually a world war breaks out, which og nagi and y/n get involved in. y/n is fatally wounded at one point, but before she dies she manages to tell og nagi everything about the future and how he has to stop the box containing the beginning of the apocalypse from being opened. sadly og nagi invented being down bad and he is so distraught by her death that he opens the box and curses himself to the cycle of reincarnation so that he can meet her in the future.

y/n wakes up back in the future unsuccessful and also shocked that the one who started the apocalypse was nagi (even though current nagi has no clue about any of this). sae is furious that she wasted his power and didn’t actually accomplish anything, but at some point rin realizes he also has that power?? not the memory part he just can also send her back to the past…not sure why this is the case but it’ll come to me as i’m writing and hopefully not feel like an asspull DHSKSJSJ. anyways even though she’s lowkey traumatized y/n agrees to try one more time.

og nagi falls in love with her again ofc (we’re three for three here if you all are keeping track) but before the world war can break out, y/n kills nagi. he is understandably shocked but instead of being angry at her he tells her she must’ve had a reason and dies decently happy considering he was murdered for something he hadn’t even done yet 😭 because nobody else has the knowledge of where the box is besides y/n, the apocalypse is averted, and the world war is concluded in a relatively typical way instead of supernaturally, so life goes on as best as it can.

however, y/n is then stranded in that timeline of 1000 years ago, without anyone she knows (as og nagi is obviously dead and the others aren’t born yet). she can’t return to a future which doesn’t exist so she’s just stuck there for the rest of her life.

the epilogue is a series of letters she writes to nagi and rin, detailing her life and how she misses them. the last letter is addressed to nagi, wherein she explains that death is coming for her soon and she hopes that wherever she ends up next is the same place that he is. it’s kinda unclear whether she’s talking to og nagi or her nagi from the no-longer-future but you know me and my open endings 🤩 leaving it up to reader interpretation is my fav thing and i will do so at the slightest provocation

[goldenpinof]

any particular moments you look back on before they came out and think woah this totally hits different now ?

would it be boring to say not anymore? i'm such at peace with them being openly gay, i'm just vibing. and i was at peace with them being together way before they came out. like, public coming outs were just an addition to their lore but it didn't change much for me. i don't even think about them being gay when i watch their old videos. i just think about them being them™. 2009-2010 never stopped existing. (i'm not saying "we been knew", especially about Dan. + sexuality can be fluid, bruh.) dnp were always making wild comments, and they still sound wild af but not because dnp are openly gay now. just like Phil said recently "even though you were so gay in that [2018] video", both of them were! especially in 2018. the added gay label didn't become a huge revelation regarding their actions. and don't get me wrong, i appreciate, admire and respect their decision to share their journeys with us. i respect their labels and Dan's definition of it, and i will fight anyone who shits on BIG. i remember how we all were like, "it hits different" right after they came out. i don't take anything back. those were such intoxicating and euphoric times. i remember how happy Dan was at Pride 2019 and how he was including us in everything 💜 our relationship with him did hit different at that moment.

so, i don't think anything in particular hits different to me anymore. some things they did or said make a bit more sense, that's true. like, i hope it's not controversial when applied to everything, but their coming outs and especially sexuality don't define them or their previous actions and words to me. they and their relationship are so beyond their sexuality. out or not, my reaction to "you and Dan are so married. i mean it's a useful thing", "things can't look like sexuality" and "i like the cock" is still the same as in 2017 and 2018 respectively. and those are just examples from the top of my head.

but i can clown, don't worry :) i'm always here for a sprinkle of clownery <3 i love it.

[cowboy-robooty]

yearly reminder that if you send me shit in da inbox and i dont respond it does not mean i didnt like yo question or something its just im crazy but 99% of the time i liked it 😄