#I feel honored that i genuinely influenced people in this fandom

[caelumsnuff]

What keeps you here (listening to Redacted, slightly engaging with fandom, writing for it)? I don’t mean that in the annoying ‘omg why are you here if you’re gonna complain’ way. As I think it’s heathy for a fandom to discuss what could be better about their fandom space and what works and doesn’t work for them in the media they’re consuming (and even as someone who enjoys 99% of this place, this fandom’s ‘don’t even say that you don’t like a thing’ is unlike any fandom I’ve ever been in, big or small).

I’m asking ‘cause I’ve been listening to Redacted since 2021 and it became a fixation, but recently I feel it fading a lot (I don’t find the narratives as compelling anymore with Quinn and Avior being the recent ones, HBS was just okay even tho nothing quality wise changed to me, even my enjoyment of the podcast has waned (and I listen to a ton of podcasts of all types so that should have been the one thing that stayed lol, but they are inconsistent then come back and talk about Pokémon Go only for 70% of the episode every episode lol so I think that’s what’s not helping).

So what brought you here and what keeps you here now? What do you think will keep you engaging with his work? What do you think will (or could be) what makes you step away (whether abruptly or gradually)? (Sorry for all the questions. I’m curious. Hope you have a lovely day!)

Thank you for the ask! I know this is long and a little word soupy perhaps, but i hope you can glean some coherent meaning from it.

Under the cut bc long.

I've been here since very very very early in the channel. Like...... 2020 early. I was getting back into listening to rp asmr after having a small interest in it a few years earlier, and i came across redacted, a lil baby VA. Redacted had some unique qualities in the rp asmr scene, and if we're being honest he still does.

My brain kinda decided to hyperfixate on Redacted, i think because he had plot heavy audios and that wasnt super common in this genre of rp. And in the beginning, the plots were actually decently good in terms of writing and whatnot.

At some point along the way, that fixation became something of a special interest eventually. Probably sometime around early 2022 when i decided to join the discord to finally see some fanart and maybe make friends with people in this fandom. That kinda sent me down the rabbit hole of realizing "oh shit yeah these people have wildly different interpretations of these audios", which started to irritate me in regards to a certain magical therapist and i ended up writing a fanfic about it after being afraid to write for literally most of my life. I got very mixed responses, but some people were really kind and expressed gratitude for my writing and that made me actually want to be a part of this fandom, even if i stay in my own little corner. After that point i started to engage with the content far more critically, and decided that i care about his videos too much to not talk about them and critique them.

I can't really tell you why i stay here, not exactly at least. I think plot-wise the videos have declined in quality greatly, which i started paying attention to. I have been known to enjoy bad media. Like a lot. I watched all of Voltron, all of Vampire Diaries, 13/15 seasons of Supernatural, the Twilight movies, and i fucking enjoyed them. Im just a fan of shit media. Its really fun to critique as well! But like..... I don't think Erik is an all around shit writer, i think he's really good at some things. Character building (the base of a character at least), universe building (for the most part), and the line writing is really good actually, i enjoy them. And i think that he's decent when writing darker content and plotlines, look at the Adam plotline, the Ivan plotline, Imperium AU etc. So i guess the answer is i enjoy critically engaging with it and actively critiquing the art, as well as being attached to the characters and the universe. I have kinda yoinked the characters and they are now my little barbie dolls to play with.

Tbh i ignore most of the fandom bc i just..... simply do not care what people i dont know think about me. I think that majority of this fandom has demonstrated not just a lack of critical thinking skills, comprehension of fandom etiquette, and media comprehension skills, but also a lack of basic human decency and kindness. I do not care what people like that think of me. I know who i am, my loved ones know who i am, and im not gonna let children on the internet stop me from making the art i enjoy.

I take breaks from listening to videos every once in a while (like 2 months at the beginning of this year), but i always end up coming back. I guess im curious as to where this all is going, and i really really do want to see this man get better at writing which..... hasnt happened yet but i guess im patient enough to wait lol. I think he hit a new low recently though. I think the Quinn storyline is the first time that the bad writing actually made me like... angry. Like i was MAD, like shaking laughing in my bed mad. It took me an hour to cool down like what the fuck was that man 😭 If i think about it too hard ill get all riled up again.

I.... don't know what would make me step away tbh. Idk what that would take, but i guess it'd have to be worse than the Quinn arc, which is setting a pretty high bar.

So yeah i think i stay here because i love the characters (or the ideas of them), as well as the universe, and i think writing fics for them is really good practice for me. There's also some very sweet people in this fandom who have been nothing but kind and encouraging to me, and i do not want to let these interactions i have with you guys fizzle out just yet. I may not know yall or directly interact with yall a lot, but i really do love you guys in this little corner of the fandom ive carved out.

[10yrratiolover]

giving my thoughts and ideas on Ratio's character stories

I wouldn't call this much of an analysis but we'll see how it goes

Starting out with his first character story, most of it is Professor Rond's recommendation letter.

I'd like to start by sharing my thoughts about Ratio and Rond first before actually getting into dissecting the letter itself.

So, firstly, I'd like to mention that (to my knowledge) we have never heard of or from Ratio's parents. I find that ironic considering what a big shot he is, I doubt that his parents would ever willingly shut up about their son.

Reading that Rond had a 'significant influence on Ratio's upbringing' particularly stands out to me because, at least at the time of the original letter being written, Ratio was in secondary school (Grade 9-12, though some of the wording in the letter lead me to believe he was likely on the lower end of that range).

Now, a high school teacher having a 'significant influence' on someone's upbringing isn't necessarily uncommon, nor are old teachers proud of their past students becoming extremely successful. However these points, alongside the fact that Ratio's parents are nowhere to be seen in canon, lead me to believe that there was some sort of familial relationship between them, especially seeing Rond's reaction to being asked about Ratio as well as how he had kept the original letter.

Moving on to the actual letter.

Grade skipping is a pretty common practice where I'm from, as it allows learning at the appropriate/needed level (ignoring the fact that the school system is in shambles).

However, the way this is phrased is as if Rond were trying to convince him to be able to skip grades. If he were in grade 11 or 12 I feel like it would not have been phrased this way, which is what leads me to believe he was likely younger, possibly fresh out of middle school.

The highlight on creativity is just because it makes me smile honestly, also it ties into one of my earlier posts about how I think Ratio would adore the subject of art.

I would like to return to my point of Rond being a potential parental figure to Ratio, seeing as he seems to know his daily routine well enough to confidently write about it in his letter of recommendation.

On to his second character story, which is mostly online posts in a thread-like format.

It wasn't until his eighth doctoral degree that he was awarded with First Class Honors, also since he is the first person to receive such in two amber eras it means he was likely the only one on stage at that time.

It also states that at the time he was already a prominent figure in society, which doesn't surprise me given the accomplishments listed by Rond in the letter despite him being in high school at the time it was written. However, he would most likely be an adult by the time he finished his eighth doctorate.

No real comment on this I found it funny that they put etc instead of continuing to list fields.

I also just find these funny and wanted to share them, but the disagreement on the last comment shows how much people admire him. I feel like that's a topic that's rather watered down in the fandom, but people genuinely admire Ratio a lot and there's plenty of reason for them to.

full-time university teachers tend to teach about 5 courses per academic year, meaning Ratio has been teaching for about 10 years.

Moving onto the third story, which is a statement from a former assistant of his about his desire to join the genius society.

I find this to be an interesting point, it seems like joining the Genius Society would be an obvious next step for a man with so many accomplishments but it's stated not once, but twice that he has never spoken about the subject (to the public at least).

I am a believer in the theory that Ratio hasn't been allowed into the Genius Society due to his humanity/compassion and his desire to spread knowledge to everyone, and I feel like this specification that he's never spoken about the topic could add to this theory.

This paragraph never fails to break my heart, but I do want to talk about the mention of an anti-planetary weapon. I feel like this Anti-planetary weapon that he spent years perfecting was a final attempt at proving to Nous that he wasn't too compassionate or too humane to receive their gaze. I remember reading about this idea more in detail elsewhere and if I can find the analyzation then I'll link it here.

Also, I feel like deep down he always knew that he wouldn't be accepted into the Genius Society, but this day, as Margaret states, was the day he finally realized it, or, fully swallowed that pill.

I find these comments to be interesting as well since they specify the narrow-mindedness of the society however, there is this comment from the Data Bank;

This comment I admittedly stumbled across when looking for something else, but I feel like it perfectly encapsulates Ratio's entire dilemma with the Genius Society, maybe not to Ratio himself but it certainly applies to everyone who comments on his achievements being worthy of Nous' approval.

I am also quite curious about who exactly wrote the 'Decoding Dr. Ratio' that we have read from in all of his character stories. They seem to have a lot of connections for someone who would typically be seen as just another paparazzi or media interviewer, I'm surprised the people listed in his stories would agree to an interview.

Onto his final story, which is about his personality and methods of sharing knowledge.

I mentioned this comment in my character notes post but I find it extremely charming that Ratio remains the same and refuses to change himself or his personality to satisfy those around him.

It is also commented in his second character story by a previous professor of his that his honesty and straightforwardness were a 'Breath of fresh air' at the University.

I love the implication that either; nobody in the entire room had any questions (unlikely), or that they were simply too scared to ask them.

I also find the comment that 'Whenever someone agrees with me, I feel like I must be wrong.' Perhaps he's gotten used to being the only one thinking the way he is or the possibility that people only agree with him so they sound intelligent themselves and weren't truly listening or understanding.

I find these comments interesting as well, a majority of the fandom mischaracterizes Ratio as mean or rude although he literally explains his viewpoints where anyone can access it (which does honestly prove his point about how knowledge is not for everyone.)

[ouidamforeman]

Okay if you hope Neil dies then stop giving him money, stop giving him indirect revenue by keeping his fandom alive. Say it with your whole chest or don’t say it at all

Fandom is not an advertisement and I haven’t paid for anything that goes to him for years 😌 Pretending all fandom is “indirect revenue” to anyone who created a piece of media whether it’s a writer or anything else is disingenuous and performative and trying to control others to your arbitrary moral standards. You are not only reducing fandom to consumerism but dismissing many other people’s work as well. Pretending that something this indirect is causing harm is performative when people do things and Actually spend money on things that do real direct harm. I’m also suspicious of this attitude of “cut all monetary flow to bad people” because well while celebrities absolutely don’t need that money and can often use it for harm, “someone did a Bad and therefore they should not be paid” is a bit iffy to me. The degree to which money is power in these situations is subjective and I know it’s uncomfortable but whether one’s money is going somewhere it’s doing harm or not is your individual decision to make. I’m not even spending money on NG myself and im skeptical of what practical good “no more money” would do in this case. It’s largely symbolic. There are ways to cull a bad person’s influence that aren’t harassing random fans of work that was never even solely made by this guy on social media. I and others are perfectly capable of enjoying a novel or tv show while cutting support and acceptance of a writer. Discussion of this and not letting the issue be swept away is how we do this, not nebulous “you’re symbolically supporting a bad evil guy!!”. He did harm with his power and influence which we can prevent without being reactionary and acting like a work of art or adaptation are synonymous with the person who made them (and never made alone, even!!!) Pretending this man is a sole auteur of good omens or whatever the fuck else is giving him power he doesn’t deserve, and causing wanton destruction because you feel powerless to stop harm that’s already happened is unbelievably foolish. Genuinely go outside and think about what good you can actually do instead of harassing people who are not even supporting the guy materially in any way and are in fact committed to finding ways of keeping him away from vulnerable people in fan spaces and calling for him to be removed from productions so everyone else’s work can be honored without more needless destruction, you know, something materially practical that isn’t moral posturing. You have literally made up that I am funneling money to this guy when I am not, and you know what? If he gets paid for work he did I don’t really care. I care about stopping the influence he had over people. I don’t think “something you did could possibly be construed as an advertisement for something he contributed to!!!!” and “Make absolutely sure none of your money is in any way even indirectly going to the bad evil person!” are the way to do any of this.

Also like fuck Terry Pratchett I guess, there’s no way one of his best works deserves to go in the trash because the co writer is a shit guy. Different people are going to deal with this in different ways. We all just want to prevent harm and people WILL disagree on what the best way to do that is. I think it’s getting him to step down from these media projects and not be involved in spaces where he can exert influence anymore. You may disagree, but do Not pretend you are ostensibly in the only moral right just because it looks good to you to say fake activist soundbites like this in random financially powerless fans’ inboxes. I keep joking that i hope he dies because i actually am mad and want him to stop! I’m doing what my moral compass says is ok. And that’s all I’ll say on the matter. Go do something kind instead of trying to control others

[aesudan-kholin]

most of the people in this fandom on this platform know jack shit about mormonism and will only bring it up when they want to make a potshot about sanderson's beliefs in what are usually wildly inaccurate ways. like come on if we're gonna point out the mormon influences in his work why don't we point out the allusion to anything not written in metal not being able to be trusted to the golden plates, or the similarities of kabsal to a mormon missionary, or the parallels between the belief that those in the celestial kingdom will ascend to godhood and get their own planets to run and the shards, or the exmormon influences of jasnah? but no its that mormons think gay people go to hell and sanderson is a mormon so he must believe that. fam they don't even believe in regular hell. go google search outer darkness. existing being gay is not a sin anymore in the church, even though gay sex is sin still on the level of masturbation. but does anyone care to look at the full picture of it? there is so much to be said and so many stories to tell and so many queer people who have suffered under the mormon church and how high the suicide rates are and the homophobic attitudes and polices that affect the day to day lives of those still in and those who leave the church. no one assuming they know what mormons believe so they can make a post on tumblr dot com for clout actually cares about those people though, do they? it's posturing, putting someone down to make themselves look better in comparison. thats not love. thats not helping.

did you guys know that the mormon church recently used BYU to launder hundreds of millions of dollars from canada to the U.S. ? So you guys know about the massive boy scouts of america abuse lawsuits going on right now? Do you know the name of Sam Young? do you know what the CES letter is and its impact? do you know the list of things that can get you excommunicated from the church, of which a sex change surgery and murder and talking trash about the church on the internet are side by side? do you know of the temple oaths of silence, that you might slit your own throat and disembowel yourself before speaking of the things said in the temple? do you know of the horrors of all but compulsory missionary service?

do you know about the cult tactics the church uses to keep its members from leaving? did you know the church is centered around making the member feel never good enough, never as perfect as they need to be? do you know about the honor codes at BYU and that you can get removed from the school or fired from your job for leaving or speaking against the church?

like, does literally anyone talking about mormonism here care about any of that?

and if we're going to hyperanalyze sanderson's beliefs, which i really think is someones personal business unless they specifically state otherwise, especially if saying the wrong thing (particularly as a public figure) can come with severe consequences, from my own opinion and perspective as an ex-mormon, i really dont think he holds hate in his heart for the marginalized groups he is attempting to portray. i think he genuinely cares about doing a good job and having diversity in his books and doesnt think its against god to do so. obviously the environment of his upbringing prevents him from having as honed of an instinct when it comes to diversity as some of us might prefer, but let's not pretend that it's malice or disgust driving unpreferable decisions when thats not what we have evidence of. a nevermo reader might not pick up on it, but sanderson constantly writes themes and narratives contrary to the teachings of the church (looking at you cytonic). he is not bound to the beliefs of the church, as such is the case with many members especially nowadays with all the cultural shifts happening.

so when someone who knows nothing about mormonism takes a narrative decision they find unfavorable and claims its a result of the mormon influences, really consider if its because its actually related to mormon attitudes or if its because mormonism is a convenient scapegoat of which people dont seem to care to know the real truth and problems behind. like, asking the question "how might sandersons religious views and upbringing impact the way he wrote the narrative here?" is such a good and interesting question, but you can only get real meaning from it if you actually know a thing or 2 about mormonism to begin with. hey, watch some john dehlin, i met the guy once, he's great, and the mormon stories podcast is always interesting and informative. or like browse the exmormon subreddit. idk. i feel like actually learning about these things and doing what you can to support victims in this hell church does so much more good than complaining on a website that an author didnt write the story how you wanted and blaming it on his faith in a way that's not even accurate or adding anything to the conversation

[happiness-of-the-pursuit]

20 fic writer questions

Thanks to all of y'all, @read-and-write- @daisymae-12 @inexplicablymine @celaestis1 @kiwiana-writes, for the tags!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18 including my catch-all for drabbles which I update sporadically

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

77,357

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Red, White and Royal Blue as of right now

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Super Six Take a Lie Detector Test | Vanity Fair

Prince Henry and FSOTUS Alex Claremont-Diaz Answer the Web’s Most Searched Questions

ALEX CLAREMONT-DIAZ COMMUNES WITH HIS ANCESTORS WHILE EATING SPICY WINGS | Hot Ones

Prince Henry and FSOTUS Alex Claremont-Diaz Take a Couples Quiz

10 Things Alex Claremont-Diaz Can’t Live Without

Y'all love a YouTube/scriptfic, plus the Alex bias is showing y'all 👀👀

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, always, they are the air I breathe, the water I drink, etc. Comments are pretty much everything to me especially at this stage of my writing, I totally get why people with a greater readership may not be able to do this.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really have angsty endings lol I'm such a fixer; I wrote a drabble where they're elderly and moving out of the brownstone (I hc them always living there) and so that's a bit sad.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

My fics all pretty much have happy endings but the happiest has to be for my 5+1 Water over Blood (five times a member of the Royal family loved Alex, and one time they loved Henry; featuring FirstPrince as uncles). It's so sweet you'll get a cavity.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No and I'm such a people pleaser it would be a Tough Time

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not really, if it's part of the plot I mostly have made allusions and faded to black. For some WIPs it's genuinely part of the plot so that'll change and I'm probably gonna need some help lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Kinda. PJO x RWRB WIP and my PJO x Grey's Anatomy are the closest, but they're not really true crossovers, we just put the RWRB characters in the Riordanverse for PJO and I heavily drew on Grey's as an influence for the other one, but they're not at Seattle Grace.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge, it would be an insane honor though

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

We will never shut up about PJO x RWRB, Super Six and the Siren's Call, which I'm currently co-writing with @read-and-write- and @inexplicablymine and it's literally a life-changing experience.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Percabeth probably wins in terms of length of time (I shipped them before shipping was a thing), but FirstPrince will probably be up there when it's all said and done.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

So I have a doc with an AU of someone else's RWRB fic which is one of the biggest barriers to me making more progress on it b/c I feel weird about that, their story just totally inspired an idea and I had to get it down on (digital) paper

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty solid at dialogue and one-liners, especially with funny lines, even though I wouldn't necessarily call myself a funny person. Same with funny titles.

I feel so weird saying what I'm good at, but I also think I'm really nailing Alex's characterization, both inner monologue and his dialogue. I also recently realized I'm pretty solid at writing Nora I think? @read-and-write- and @inexplicablymine will have to verify, they've read that WIP

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Actions, I just want to be like "and then this happened and then this happened and then everything was fixed." I just haven't mastered artfully describing movement between spaces for example.

Also sometimes I'll rush to get to a certain scene because I'm writing chronologically, so then I have to go back and make the middle part of the story better because I neglected it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm...okay. I feel mildly confident in writing Spanish, but I double check using SpanishDict and triple check with @read-and-write-(God Bless You). Anything more than a couple of words/a sentence or two and I'm not there, I definitely try to use English writing structure for the Spanish language which simply doesn't line up perfectly.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Officially: RWRB, unofficially: HP, as a kid I just wrote my own post-canon stories and created tons of fan art

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I'm gonna cheat and say two:

proudest for plot/writing reasons: How well you play...that's up to you (Grey's-inspired fic)

favorite YouTube fic: ALEX CLAREMONT-DIAZ COMMUNES WITH HIS ANCESTORS WHILE EATING SPICY WINGS | Hot Ones (this idea inspired me to write the whole series)

also the PJO AU is probably going to be my favorite very soon

I kind of let these build up so sorry if I missed someone's! No pressure tags but I'd love to see your answers! @raysletters @heybuddy-drabbles @14carrotghoul @sherryvalli @affectionatelyrs @littlemisskittentoes :)

[branwendaughterofllyr]

sooo i saw you answered an ask about jaime's redemption arc and i really liked what you said about how the fandom perceives him, and felt the need to share/add, because he's one of my favorite characters in the series and i genuinely think he's one of GRRM's masterpieces. it frustrates me and saddens me when the fandom focuses on his redemption arc, especially because i totally agree with you - even if he does somehow "become better," that is NOT going to last.

so i never saw jaime's arc as one of redemption - rather of identity. he talks a big game about the sins he should be vs shouldn't be shamed for, but he has zero regrets about bran (other than, i guess, the trouble it ultimately caused?).

and i've recently been rereading the books, and his identity arc is so clear to me? tbf i did just finish ASOS and am only like 10% into AFFC, so there's a lot of material to review, but i still see his primary "struggle" as whether he wants to be a lannister or not, rather than whether he wants to be a better person or not. i think the fandom conflates these two things - his disquiet with his lannister identity must mean he's "healing" or "becoming better" but i think jaime is far simpler than that. when his hand is cut off, his inherent identity as a lannister is permanently maimed, and now he has to reckon with what that means. brienne is such a good counterpoint because 1) she is as idealistic as he used to be, something that he is angry to have lost and something that, let's face it, is a very un-lannister part of him, and 2) any interest or desire that he might feel for her would be very un-lannister indeed. who is he, when his lannister identity is no longer perfect golden armor for him? who is he, without the all-consuming passion for his lannister sister, and who is he if someone else - someone like brienne - potentially could replace that interest?

jaime is such a wonderful character to me that when the fandom reduces him to a redemption arc, i grieve because they're missing the best parts of his character. you simply cannot judge him as "honorable" or "dishonorable"; i find it quite beside the point but anyway, it's just not the right framework for "judging" jaime. you get the sense that jaime's gonna jaime, basically, in the same way that a tiger or a tornado is going to do what it does. i love a good redemption arc but i think anyone holding their breath for jaime to become their little meowmeow is... in for a rough time.

I've been sitting on this for a while, because I wanted to give it the full thought it deserves. I saw a post fairly recently that talks about how romantic the writing in Jaime’s chapters is, and how he is, at his core, a disappointed idealist, and I really agree with that sentiment. I think Jaime’s story is really one about identity, rather than redemption, as you put it. He has to fundamentally question who he is, down to the pillars of himself he thought were unshakeable, being a Lannister, being Cersei’s other half, being a knight. That doesn’t mean he’s necessarily going to rebuild himself into a better person, just a different one. And I think it’s so fascinating that he never really regrets the truly horrible things he’s done, that the narrative is ultimately going to make him face, and it’s so tied into how the outside world perceives him, influencing how he perceives himself. He’s really one for embracing his personal myth so wholeheartedly, whether it’s constructed by outside forces, or by himself. I’m not sure if this is the right way to put it, but Jaime’s one of the characters that seems almost half aware that this is a story, even if he doesn’t know where its truly headed. But I thinks that part of the reason why Jaime isn’t going to be “redeemed” as he’s too caught up in his personal narrative to see what he’s done in the context of other people. So much of AFFC is him thinking about what other people think of him, rather than him thinking about them as individual people, if that makes sense? And it’s just that his current narrative about himself has fundamentally shifted and he’s still trying to figure out how he wants to write it.

I hope this was a decent response, I’m just fascinated by characters who are already thinking about how their stories are being told, and will be told.

[marathoning-barbie]

Barbie of Swan Lake (2003)

So, extra announcement at the top because this is a hellsite. I wanted to tag this post with a warning for discussions of antis*mitism, but I don’t want this post to get blocked because Apple sucks. This is also why I’ll censor a bunch of these terms even though everyone knows what I’m talking about. I’m sorry if you usually have the antis*mitism tw blocked.

My feelings on this movie are very complicated, and this review is going to be very different from the others.

Swan Lake was my second favorite as a child. To this day, I have an obsession with the ballet Swan Lake because of this movie, and in a way with ballet dancing in general.

There are a lot of unnecessary scenes in hindsight, mostly thanks to its source material (I wanna say it’s the most accurate adaptation of the first three movies, but then I remember Erasmus), and the forest animals are horrible, apart from Lila, who I actually kinda like this time around. The dancing is once again gorgeous, and I just can’t thank this movie enough for introducing me to the soundtrack of Swan Lake, and how it contributes to my interests to this day.

So let’s talk about Rothbart.

Rothbart is the main villain of this movie. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind him much usually. I actually love how weirdly supportive he is of his daughter Odille. Guy does everything in this movie just to please her. So what’s the problem? Well, let’s look at their designs:

Now, before I go on: I do not want to accuse anyone of anything. I also don’t want to insinuate that everyone who doesn’t see this the same way, who never noticed the connection or who still enjoys the movie is a bad person. I genuinely think that what I am going to bring up now was an accident — a very unfortunate combination of events. I mean, Rothbart was just his name in the ballet, and he’s often already portrayed as an owl-man in that, so why not give him a bird-based design?

Well, because you’re going to get a man with a Jewish name who looks like he jumped straight out of N*zi propaganda. He really is only a step below the Happy Merchant on sheer offensiveness level, hanging out and cracking open a cold one with the Harry Potter goblins (specifically the movie version, when they decided to film the Gringotts scene in a location that had the Star of David on a floor mural). The fact Barbie usually looks like she should be on some neon*zi meme with the 14 words does not help.

Once again, I fully believe this was an accident. His name was taken from the source material, and the nose is clearly supposed to resemble his beak when he’s in his bird-form. Unfortunately, Jewish people have historically been connected with birds by antis*mites (and there’s a good argument that the original ballet already includes some antis*mitism), so… make of that what you will.

The simple fact is that some associations cannot be removed, and it simply makes me too uncomfortable. This problem with him has been brought up online quite a bit when I looked into it, though I haven’t seen it specifically in fandom discussions on tumblr yet. However, I noticed it by myself without any influence on my first watch, so I’m shocked not a single person working on the movie ever went “Hey guys, isn’t this a little… weird?” Barbie’s creator Ruth Handler was a Jewish woman, and they really could’ve honored her memory a little better — especially considering she only died a year earlier.

I am not going to review the movie further at this point. I'm sorry this is such a short post in comparison to the other reviews, and I'll probably upload the PatP review in a few hours already to make up for it.

If you check the ranking, you’ll see that I have noted this movie in particular down as “Unrankable”. I can’t ignore either my rampant nostalgia, or how uncomfortable Rothbart makes me. If it wasn’t for all this, it’d end up fairly middling, still in the good section, but below Nutcracker. If you want to rewatch some Barbie movies, feel free to include this one, it’s a classic, after all. But if these unfortunate circumstances make it so you don’t want to anymore, I can’t blame you.

[fallen-gravity]

Intellectual Adequacy

Stan hates to start any unnecessary conflict, especially when there’s a very real chance that Ford will be moving to California next year, but he knows deep down that if they don’t talk about this now then he’ll never have the courage to bring it up again.

“Wait,” Stan shouts to Ford, and he stops dead in his tracks.

~~

Notes: In which one little plot bunny that was preventing me from getting any work done becomes its own rabbit hole.

I genuinely cannot believe that in the six-seven years I've been in this fandom, I've never tried my hand at the fix-it-fic where Stan and Ford just talk it out as teenagers, just like they should've in canon. I've seen a lot of different approaches, but I feel like I've yet to see one that tackles it from the perspective of Stan's own battle with his self-worth, rather than the actions he or Ford have already taken.

AO3

Stan hates the principal’s office more than anywhere else in the world.

He swears, he’s called down every other week for something that’s not even his fault. He punched Crampelter in the nose for harassing some poor freshman? Principal’s office. He talks back to a teacher calling his classmate stupid for forgetting an “obvious” geometry equation? Principal’s office. He accidentally drops his pencil during an exam and bends over to pick it up? He must be cheating. Principal’s office.

If you asked him, the whole idea of sending kids to the principal’s office is pointless to begin with. Oh, you did something bad, and now we’re gonna make the big man in charge tell your mommy and daddy? How old do these people think they are?

Stan wishes he could say that this time is okay because they’re not even talking to him. They’re talking up a storm to Ford in there about another college scholarship and all the reasons why he and he alone would be the perfect candidate for some random school all the way out in California

But it’s not okay, because the longer Stan sits in the dumb waiting room the more he’s starting to feel like chopped liver. They’ve been in there for at least five minutes with no sign of stopping anytime soon, but every time Stan asks the secretary if he can just go back to class already she dismisses him with a wave of her hand and it’ll be your turn soon, sit back down.

He’s thinking of just sneaking out the next time the secretary buries her nose back into her magazine. It’s simple: just wait for her to pull it out from her desk, sneak by as quick as he can, and slip out the door and back to class before she can even notice he’s gone.

He stands from his chair, pretending to stretch and preparing to execute, but freezes solid when he hears his name being spoken from within the principal’s office.

“…What about our little free spirit Stanley?”

It’s Ma, and whatever it is they’re talking about in there, she isn’t happy about it. Frowning, Stan glances over at the secretary to make sure that she isn’t staring at him, and presses his ear to the office door to listen to their conversation more carefully.

The principal laughs in response. “That clown? At this rate he’ll be lucky if he graduates high school”

Stan’s taken aback by the harsh choice of words, but if he knows Ford, then he won’t just sit there and let the principal talk about him like that. He presses his ear further into the door, waiting for Ford to interrupt the principal’s rambling about how he’s never going to amount to anything with you just don’t know him like I do, or something along those lines, but it never comes.

Not a single interjection that…anything he’s saying is wrong. Not from Pa, not from Ford….and not even from Ma.

They don’t…all really believe that, right?

There has to be something else he’s missing. He bets they’re defending his honor right now, and the reason they’re not making a big scene about it is because they’re in public.

Yeah.

He’s got nothing to worry about.

He peeks into the window, expecting to see Ma glaring daggers into the principal, or Ford silently cursing him out behind his back, but what he’s met with is so much worse. Ma and Pa are exchanging warm smiles, and Ford is frantically shaking hands with the principal, beaming brighter than Stan’s ever seen in his entire life.

Matter of fact, Stan’s not sure he’s ever seen any of them look so happy in his entire life.

He’s worthless, he’ll never go anywhere, and they’re all smiling about it.

Stan’s heart drops to his stomach, and he slides to the floor to join it.

Is this some kind of cruel joke? Were they expecting him to listen in on their conversation? Is this their cruel workaround of telling him he’ll never amount to shit?

He sighs.

He stays there on the cold tiled floor for what feels like hours, contemplating all the times he’s been called dumb, or stupid, or a terrible influence on his brother. All of those times when he could brush it off just because it was coming from someone he didn’t care about.

But worthless?

Behind his back, spoken directly to people he loves, and they won’t even bother to defend him?

That one’s new, and if Stan is going to be completely honest with himself, it’s much harder to brush off his shoulders than all those other times.

Stan doesn’t even notice the office door opening until it nearly smacks him in the back of his head. He quickly jumps to his feet and brushes himself off, pretending the best that he can that he wasn’t just eavesdropping on them for the past ten minutes.

“Stanley!” Ford comes bursting out of the room, his grin threatening to split his face in two. “I just received the most incredible news! The admissions team at West Coast Tech heard about my science fair project, and-”

The beam suddenly slips from his face, replaced with some sort of mix of confusion and concern. “Is...Something wrong?”

Stan rubs at his eyes to make sure he hadn’t started tearing up without realizing it, but no, his eyes are bone dry.

Curse Ford’s stupid ability to read his mind.

Stan covers up the gesture of rubbing at his eyes with a yawn, and stretches his arms in the air. “Nothing except you taking forever in there” he flashes a fake smile easily. “Talk about a blabbermouth, am I right?” Stan gestures towards the principal with his thumb.

Ford laughs, and returns his gaze to the pamphlet in his hands. “I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t think he’s so bad”

Stan opens his mouth to quip back, but Ford doesn’t seem to be paying much attention anymore. He’s just staring at that dumb pamphlet, his grin slowly but surely returning to his face again.

Instead, Stan shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs, turning his gaze to the floor. “Yeah, I guess you’re right”

~~~

Stan feels like he’s in a haze for the rest of the day. Even when he tries to focus on class to take his mind off of things and redirect it on anything else, he can’t get his mind to stick.  Not even final period gym class can save him, which is really saying something, because the gymnasium is usually the one place where he thrives.

Worthless.

The word won’t stop bouncing around in his skull, hitting him where he’s most sensitive.

It doesn’t help a thing that Ford is dead silent on their walk home from school. He’s usually chatting up a storm to Stan about stuff he doesn’t really understand, and under normal circumstances Stan can’t wait to get home so he can bury his head in his pillow and drown out the sound of Ford’s babbling.

But today he’s not even looking in Stan’s direction, just burying his nose in the West Coast Tech brochure with stars in his eyes, and now Stan wants nothing more than to hear Ford babbling on about his advanced physics classes.

It’s almost insulting.

Stan sighs, and lightly taps on Ford’s shoulder to catch his attention. “Can we talk?”

“Hmm?” Ford blinks, like he needs a few moments to readjust to reality. “Oh! Of course. I was actually planning on asking you the same thing” he places the brochure in his pocket. “Same place as always?”

Stan nods. “Same place as always”.

It’s a quick change of direction and a shortcut to the beach before they find themselves on their old swing set. By now they’re both too heavy to use it properly without a risk of snapping it, but they still find it’s a good place to go when they just need to get away and talk.

“You’re not really thinking of going to that stuffy old school, are you?” Stan asks as soon as Ford sits on the swing beside him. “They’ve gotta be crazy if they think four more years of essays and exams are better lookin’ than tanned babes and gold chains. We’re so close to finishing up the Stan-O-War. Soon as graduation rolls around we’re outta here, just like we always promised”.

Ford chuckles. “That is a nice thought, but…” he pulls the brochure out of his pocket again, and unfolds it for Stan to see. “You have to understand that I can’t just pass up an opportunity like this. Maybe I don’t need a degree from any old state school, but this is West Coast Tech we’re talking about!” he beams, the stars returning to his eyes. “They’ve got cutting edge technology and multidimensional paradigm theory”

Stan rolls his eyes, but he can’t help but admit to himself it’s nice to have his brother back again after an entire day of radio silence.

“Beep boop, giant nerd robot oncoming” Stan punches Ford in the arm.

Ford’s grin only widens. “I figured you’d say that, but it’s too late to change my mind. The head of admissions already flew in this morning, and with my go-ahead they’re going to check out my science fair project later tonight and let me know then and there if they want me at their school”

“Well that seems kind of harsh” Stan quips. “What if they say no?”

Ford shrugs. “Well, then it’s like you said. If they don’t want me, you and I sail off on the Stan-O War and never look back”.

Stan frowns at the strong emphasis on if. He really thinks he’s going to get this, doesn’t he? Stan can’t exactly blame him when he’s been the reigning valedictorian of their class every year since they were kids.

“And if they say yes?”

Ford grins. “Well, then you better visit me on the other side of the country” he punches Stan in the shoulder, and stands to his feet without saying another word.

Stan can’t bring himself to join him. He knows that Ford didn’t mean anything by it, but he can’t help feel wounded by his brother’s implication that while he’s off in California having the time of his life, Stan’s still gonna be stuck living with their parents in New Jersey.

It’s just like their principal said. He’ll never amount to anything anyway, so why wouldn’t he stay in New Jersey? Where else would a worthless piece of shit like him end up?

Stan shifts on his swing and watches as Ford walks away, and he can’t help but wonder just how much of the principal’s tangent that Ford believed.

All of it?

Some of it?

Had Ford even been listening to what he said at all?

As he continues to watch his brother walk away, he can’t help the feeling in his gut that he has to know. He hates to start any unnecessary conflict, especially when there’s a very real chance that Ford will be moving to California next year, but Stan knows deep down that if they don’t talk about this now then he’ll never have the courage to bring it up again.

“Wait,” Stan shouts to Ford, and he stops dead in his tracks.

“Yeah?” Ford says, turning around to face him. Stan suddenly finds himself very aware of his heart loudly pounding against his chest, but he forces himself to squash that down. He’s never felt shy or anxious about asking his brother anything, and he sure as hell isn’t letting that start now.

“You don’t…uh,” he swallows. “You don’t think I’m…worthless, do you?”

Ford looks appalled. He neatly folds the brochure back into his pocket and starts walking- no, jogging, almost sprinting back to the swing set. He pauses in front of the empty swing beside Stan for a moment, like he’s debating whether he should sit down or not, but eventually he shakes his head and sits down anyway.

“What on earth makes you say that?”  There’s a hint of anger to his tone, but Stan’s not entirely convinced it’s directed at him. “Why would I think you’re worthless? You’re my twin brother! What could’ve possibly put the idea in your head that I thought that?”

There’s a tiny voice in the back of his head screaming at him to back out, brush it off with a joke and have this conversation later, but there’s an even louder voice shouting at him that it needs to be had now.

Stan sighs. “I…overheard everything in the principal’s office today”

Ford blinks, like he doesn’t understand a word that Stan just said. “About…West Coast Tech? Is this because you’re afraid that I’ll get in, but you know you won’t because you’re not even interested in applying anyway, but you know you’re going to miss me, and you’re not sure if you can handle-”

“About me, Sixer!” Stan shouts, and tries his damn hardest to ignore the waver in his voice. “He practically called me a useless piece of shit directly to Ma and Pa and neither of them said a word about it!” He scrubs his hands down his face because he’s not choking up, not over something so pointless and stupid. “You’re going to travel the world and become the smartest person the scientific community has ever seen, or whatever, but me? Apparently I’ll always be stuck here in New Jersey to pick up after everyone else’s messes, because that’s all I’m ever good for”

Stan buries his face in his hands. He hadn’t meant to blow up, and he certainly hadn’t meant to direct his anger at Ford, but he just feels so hopeless, and he’s the only one around who’s willing to listen. He wouldn’t be surprised if Ford returned with anger of his own, or told him off for being selfish, or even if he just decided to stand up and walk away from him for being such an embarrassment.

The silence that follows is thick and heavy. Stan is so convinced that he must’ve driven Ford away that when he feels a hand on his shoulder he nearly jumps a mile out of his skin. When he finally pulls his hands out of his face to meet Ford’s eyes, his face is flushed pink and he looks…embarrassed.

“Stan, I had no idea, I…” he awkwardly pulls his hand away and grips tightly to the chain of his swing. Stan can see Ford’s face shifting through about a dozen different emotions at once. “I…must’ve been too focused on everything else to realize he was saying those things about you.” He shakes his head. “I know it’s not an excuse, but…” he sighs. “I’m sorry”

There’s another bout of silence between them. Stan’s half-expecting that to be the end of it, and for Ford to walk away without another word.  

But Ford breaks the silence with a sigh, and when Stan glances over at him he’s staring down at the ground.

“If it’s any consolation...you’re much smarter than me in a lot more places than you realize”

Okay, now Stan has to laugh. “Okay, now you’re being too nice to me. You don’t need to lie to make me feel better”

“I’m serious!” Ford’s cheeks flush pink again, and he adjusts his glasses before returning his gaze towards Stan. “There’s actually been a fascinating number of studies about intelligence lately, and, well…” Ford’s face is turning redder by the minute, Stan swears. “It turns out that…there’s more than one type”

Stan raises an eyebrow. “You’re losing me here, Sixer”

“Well, you see, I thrive in academic intelligence. Math, science, history, you know, school stuff. That’s the most commonly known type of intelligence because a lot of our formative years are based on it”

Stan doesn’t say anything, just raises his eyebrow even further.

“But,” Ford continues quickly, “They’ve also made discoveries about the existence of social intelligence”

“Social?” Stan blinks, suddenly finding himself significantly more interested. “You mean like talking to people and stuff?”

Ford nods. “Precisely. They say people with high social intelligence are much better at picking up on social cues, and can make friends with others much easier than those with lower social intelligence.” Ford kicks at the sand. “The reason social intelligence hasn’t been recognized is because it’s often mistaken for having a friendly personality”.  His face flushes pink again, like he’s afraid he said the wrong thing. “Not that a person can’t have both, but…”

Stan smirks, nudging at Ford with his elbow. “Stanford Pines, are you calling your good-for-nothing brother intelligent?” He teases, but can’t help the genuine smile creeping to his face.

“Think about it!” Ford throws an arm into the air, the other one tightly gripped on the swing to prevent himself from falling off. “Every time Ma and Pa leave us in charge of the shop so they can go to Atlantic City for the weekend, who’s the one bringing in all the customers? Who’s the one selling out our daily stock less than two hours after we’re open? You are, Stan, just by being yourself. You know how to persuade people into buying our stock at ten times the listed price.”

“You can’t learn that from twelve years of public school. They can try to teach you, but at the end of the day it’s all about your ability to connect with people” Ford rubs at his arm. “I’ve tried teaching myself those kinds of tricks for years, but at the end of the day…” he shakes his head. “I’ve never been able to catch up.” He smiles. “I raise my white flag to you, Stan. You’ve outsmarted the smartest brother in the world”

Stan chuckles. “Try telling that to Principal Comb-over. He hears you saying the so-called dumbest clown in the entire school system is smarter than you and he’s going to cart you away to the loony bin”

Ford laughs. “You know, now that I think about it, there may actually be a way to tell him off for what he said about you and get away with it scott-free”

Stan raises an eyebrow. “Yeah? How so?”

Ford smirks. “I think you should try to graduate out of spite”

Stan’s not sure he follows. “Whaddya mean?”

“I mean, think about it” Ford stands from his swing and begins to pace back and forth. “The principal called both of us down even though he only wanted to speak to me, and then he talked shit about you even though he knew you were sitting right outside his door?” he pauses in his pacing. “Stan, he knew that you could hear him. Maybe he didn’t intend for you to listen in when he was talking to Ma and Pa about my scholarship opportunity, but he knew you’d be listening the moment you were brought up in the conversation”

That’s…true. Stan was just about to sneak out before he heard them say his name.

“He’s expecting you to fail, and he wants to put it in everyone else’s head too. He thinks it’s the easy way out, because if you choose to fail out on your own than he doesn’t have to take responsibility for being such a shitty educator. It gives him the chance to say look how he didn’t even try instead of look at how we failed him.”

“But if you proved him wrong? Imagine the look on his face when he has to be the one to place that diploma in your hand. Imagine him having to look you dead in the eyes and tell you he’s proud of you. You’ll know he’s speaking bullshit, but he knows he can’t talk shit about you anymore without making himself look bad.” Ford smirks. “Matter of fact, imagine the looks on the faces of everyone who’s ever doubted you walking across that stage. Pa alone is gonna have a heart attack”

Ford’s smile softens. “I already know that you’re much smarter than you’re given credit for, and I think it’s about time that everyone else recognizes that too”.

Stan’s cheeks burn red, and he shyly kicks at the sand. “Heh, thanks. I appreciate it.” He says. “But even if I did manage to graduate, what am I supposed to do with a high school diploma? Every job application I’ve been skinning through recently says college, college, college”

“Well…” Ford taps at his chin. “Then why not go out for college?”

Okay, now he’s taking things too far.

“Pardon?” Stan mocks, because if Ford thinks that Stan’s going to willingly take four more years of classes than maybe he should be carted away to a loony bin.

“I’m serious!” Ford blushes. “Maybe not a high intensity school like West Coast Tech, but college is so much more freeing than high school, Stanley. It’s not class after class on subjects that other people tell you to take. It’s personalized. If you hate science class so much, you never have to take another science class again”

Ford’s blush darkens. “I know that school is a big drag and all, but if you asked me?” he averts his gaze. “I think you’d really benefit from business school. Charisma and social intelligence is the number one thing that big name businesses are looking for, and I know you’re filled to the brim with both. Ultimately it is your decision, but…” Ford fiddles with his thumbs. “Just…just consider it, okay?”

For a brief moment, Stan just wants to burst out into hysterical laughter. Ford’s been offered the opportunity of a lifetime at one of the best schools in the country, and he’s still taking the time to help out his good-for-nothing brother who’s been cheating off of his exams for the past ten years.

Instead he settles for a roll of his eyes. “Alright, Professor Poindexter, I’ll consider it”

Ford giggles at that, and for a few moments neither of them says anything, watching the waves gently lapping on the beach in the short distance. It’s a comfortable silence, a reassuring sort of feeling that Stan hasn’t felt in a long time.

The frantic beeping of Pa’s wristwatch interrupts them, and both boys flinch at the sound in unison. For a moment Stan is worried that Pa’s standing behind them having heard every word, but when he glances over at Ford, he sees him rolling up his shirt sleeve to reveal that he’s the one wearing the watch, and clicks the alarm off.

“Pa made me borrow it so I wouldn’t be late for the presentation with the school board” he rubs awkwardly at the back of his head. “I’ll probably give it back as soon as I get home tonight”

Stan smirks. “You still hate the sound of that thing too, huh?”

“I can still hear it in my nightmares,” Ford exaggerates, his eyes going wide, and the twins burst into laughter as they both stand from the swings and stretch their arms and legs to wake them up from sitting for so long.

Ford wipes at his eye as he fidgets with the wristwatch. “So…do you think you’re going to be okay?”

That in itself is a pretty loaded question that could take him all night to answer, but all things considering…

“Yeah,” Stan smiles. “I think I’ll be okay”

Ford smiles back, and gestures with his thumb towards the direction of the pawn shop. “Then I’m going to head home and get ready for my presentation. You coming?”

Stan shakes his head. “I think I’ll stay out here and just…watch the ocean for a little while longer”

Ford’s smile softens, but he doesn’t say anything else. He turns heel and walks back towards the house, and it feels as though a giant weight has just been lifted off of Stan’s chest. He glances back to watch Ford go, but finds comfort in the feeling that he feels nothing at all.

~~~

Nearly five hours later, Stan sits at home, watching television on the couch to pass the time. Just out of the corner of his eye he sees Ford slip into the kitchen and gently click the door closed. Stan shuts the TV off, and spins around on the couch to face his brother.

“Well?” Stan asks, though he knows he doesn’t even need to bother asking, given that Ford looks like he’s about to burst. With a shaking hand, Ford reaches into his pocket and pulls out a glinting white envelope.

If he’s trying to keep an air of mystery about it, he’s doing a really bad job, because all at once his composure breaks and the smile that spreads across his face looks as though it could burn out the sun.

“They loved me!” He shouts, excitedly pacing the floor. “They told me they’ve never seen anyone else like me!”

His smile is so contagious that it hurts.

Perhaps another day, in another timeline, Stan would take offense to Ford’s excitement to bounce off to the other end of the country without him. Perhaps he’d even lash out, or do something he would’ve immediately regretted.

But here and now, Stan couldn’t be happier for his brother if he tried.

[atomicnebula13]

Hello! I just wanted to come by and say that you are an fantastic writer and inspiration in my writing, both personal and academic. Your depictions of characters and settings are ✨flawless✨. Your word choice is so unique and creatively fits every scenario. Even the minute details that one would not think necessary in a scene, you illustrates so perfectly and it add another layer of emotion and realism that makes the reader feel like they’re standing there watching your story unfold in real life.

It’s taken a lot of of self-motivation over several years, but after coming across your writing it has inspired me to write my own story. I’m currently in the character dynamic and world building stages (very early in the process) but I continue to look back on your writing and every time amazes me. I still go back and read Body Language probably three times a month and the moment you announced VTLIMB on your Insta I was all over it and love it! 🤤🤤❤️❤️

Anyway, so sorry that this was so long but I just had to tell you how much I love your writing. 💕💕💕💕I know this is already drawn out, but are there any authors/writers/books that have inspired your writing?

Thank you, and look forward to your next work!! 💚💛💚💛💚

@seiji-amasawa

🥺😭😭💖

Hello angel!!! This is the sweetest message I think I’ve ever received. Thank you so much, that seems like such an honor - I’m not worthy! I’m always shocked that my writing could inspire anyone at all but I’m so delighted to hear that you’ve enjoyed it. I appreciate you saying that so much, every once in a while I feel uneasy about my writing style because it’s so descriptive. I worry that it comes off as boring so you saying that is really so kind and puts my mind at ease.

You’re working on writing your own story?! Congratulations, that’s so exciting!! I feel so invigorated when I hear about others creative endeavors. World building is always so much fun (even if it can get tedious at times). My sister and I used to do that a lot together when we were young and never really grew out of it (she still writes and is working to get her work published). I wish you ALL the best on your writing and I’m so happy to have been a small spark in your process. I’m so happy to hear from a fellow writer 💕💖

You’ve reread it that many times? Oh wow! Again, thank you so much for investing your precious time reading my stories. 🙏 I appreciate it so much. Honestly I had lost my passion for writing for years until I read Chapters 369 and 370 of 19 days. The emotion and traumatic experience that Mo went through really rekindled my interest in writing and I continue to find myself inspired to write. I’m genuinely so thankful for this manhua because I rediscovered my love for writing and through the fandom I’ve met people that have become precious to me. 💕

(Never apologize for the length of the message - you can never write too much for me!) as far as inspiration goes, the one book I can point to and say that it has absolutely influenced me (both linguistically and personally) is The Awakening by Kate Chopin. Her work is very descriptive and evocative. I just finished rereading it and it’s actually more relevant to my personal life now than it has ever been. I read it for the first time when I was 19 and I can genuinely say it changed my life. The one quote that has shaped my entire adult life is this:

‘But whatever came, she had resolved never again to belong to another than herself’

And I’ve tried to live true to that ever since 💖

Now I get to apologize for the length of my message! Again, thank you so much for reading my writing, for sharing your thoughts with me and for this lovely message!!!

[metfell]

hi you are very cool tumblr user metfell ive been lurking in the shadows and posting stupid stuff for a while but i finally worked up the courage to come off of anon n actually talk!!

your work has genuinely inspired me so much, i haven't been drawing this much since 2018 and whenever i see some of your art on the dash it just motivates me to the point where i've put hours into improving an experimenting with my craft. yesterday i hit a point now where i actually felt good about what i create for the first time in months. i don't think i would be at this point if it wasn't for your activity in the fandom. you've not only inspired me to keep drawing and improving, but you've led me to a bunch of different fan creators who've gotten me to work on storyboarding and writing as well!! i've recently been expanding outside of the world of fan content and working behind the scenes on my own original projects, i could not be more excited. so just thank you for having a positive influence online, it really means a lot! hope you have a wonderful day, and if you're celebrating, a wonderful holiday as well!

Oh my god I genuinely don’t even know what to say. Like…. knowing that I’ve had such an impact on you in such a helpful way, and inspiring you to grow and improve as an artist is what I’ve kind of been trying to do my whole life. My goal in life is to be an art teacher at some point, and even if I don’t end up as one, I genuinely think that the inspiration my work has given to my followers fulfills my goal of inspiring people to create.

I just have always thought the art world is so cruel and rude, and so I’ve always tried to hold up the attitude that anybody can start making art, anybody can improve, and all they need is a gentle hand to guide them towards it. Not a rigorous conservatorial schooling. And I just. I feel like I’m rambling and all but I’m just floored and kind of emotional knowing I’ve actually achieved what I’ve wanted to achieve my whole life just by making art for people on tumblr.

And NOT TO MENTION the fact I’ve only just recently felt like my art is good enough. I’ve had major imposter syndrome for the longest time, and a lot of my stuff was just genuinely… not that good until my mcyt art.

Idk. Thank you for sharing this with me no words can describe how amazed and thankful I am for getting the honor of being your inspiration.

[gayregis]

do you think the netflix series will stick to the books messages of anti war, family and friemdships? i hope not because those messages are what makes me like the books so much, also i hope the netflix fandom don't memefy the stories like they did with renfri, her story is supposed to be tragic and show how revenge corrupts people but the fandom just treats it like "uwu bisexual feral sword woman wants to kill big baddie wizard hehe"

correction: it's supposed to be “i hope so,” not “i hope not,” lol i can't spell

sadly, i don’t think that the netflix adaptation will stick to the themes of the books at all and here’s why.

first reason why: ciri

in the first season, they took out ciri and geralt meeting in brokilon. that is just the most unforgivable action they could have taken. that scene is literally what defines the entire series being about ciri, the child of destiny, geralt’s daughter who is the whole point of everything. they gave her more screentime, but less significance. she also is played by 18 yo freya allen who is acting as a 14 yo ciri, which blurs how she is supposed to symbolize childhood. instead, they went for a spunky sort of young teenage girl, which ciri becomes later (in the care of yennefer and during around the time of thanedd), but it is significant that she was a CHILD when cintra fell to nilfgaard, because it traumatized her for life and is the point of no return for her. because geralt thought that by fathering her, he would introduce her to death, but instead, the opposite occured - by deferring her, she was introduced to death. ciri loses her innocence, she loses the abilty to be a child. now she will continue to fixate on revenge for the entire saga, until she loses everything, absolutely everything. the witcher is a tragic story but it only manages to have this story because it is dominated by this theme of a lost childhood, surrounded by themes of family, vulnerability, revenge, destruction, violence... 

in the netflix series, we receive approximately none of this. ciri’s trauma is more treated as a “wake up call” because she’s such a “privileged princess” who doesn’t know about or care that her beloved grandmamma committed mass genocide (what???). this is treated like something ciri needs to overcome, thus it is actually a good thing that she is seeing people being murdered left and right in the name of imperialist conquest! 

second reason why: geralt

geralt in the books is a kind person. he is a pacifist. his profession is to kill, he ocassionally punches people so hard they die (he did this to save his best friend from being sliced open), and other acts of badassery, but inside, he does not want to kill and is opposed to it. this is the man that refused to slay a giant bug-like monster because he didn’t feel it was necessary (the witcher equivalent of trapping a house spider in a glass and slipping a piece of paper under it, then releasing it outside, instead of squashing it with your sandal). this is the man that felt himself unworthy to be yennefer’s lover, because he was afraid he couldn’t feel love in the same capacity she could. this is the man who pushed his best friend away on a dangerous quest because he was terrified that he’d be harmed and he’d suffer, and it would be his fault. and as mentioned, this is the man that deferred his daughter, his daughter who he genuinely loved and wanted to protect no matter what, his daughter who he legitimately raised a conflict with the queen of brokilon over, because he was terrified that he would bring violence and death into her life. this geralt is an introspective, pragmatic man. he cares deeply about the welfare of others, and the only way he can even do his job is to justify it though morality and codes of conduct which he makes up himself because he is so obsessed with not harming the innocent. he spares and befriends many “monsters” (post-conjunction creatures) and only slays the ones that genuinely pose a threat to the innocent and are usually are not creatures capable of rational thought. in the first book in the voice of reason 5, geralt literally states that he won’t kill innocent creatures.

and he continues this philosophy throughout:

he doesn’t kill dragons:

he advocates for dudu’s innocence:

he only was wary of regis because he was mistaken and thought he was going to harm dandelion in this moment:

in the netflix adaptation of the witcher, what is the first thing that we see him do? kill a monster brutally and without remorse. he doesn’t talk about his motivations behind it or why he felt justified to kill it, or why the monster was a danger in the first place. he just kills it and this violence defines him. later in the show, we see him antagonize and mock torque (when in the books he asked dandelion NOT to do just that) and he also punches dandelion right in the stomach. even when geralt was the most mad at dandelion in the books, he never did physical harm to him. ever.

the netflix show is representating a very different man. some have argued that they will try to develop him later on, but that is too late. geralt in the books was a good person from the very beginning for a reason.

third reason why: cahir.

the anti-war and anti-imperialist themes of the books hinge upon the concept of universal humanity and understanding that violence has its own motivations and reasons. cahir i think is a very good example of how the witcher saga comments on the effects of nationalist sentiment / patriotism. 

cahir in the books is a teenager or very young adult during the massacre of cintra (since he was no older than 25 in baptism of fire). even though he was also young and doing this only because it what was expected of him and he was intending to bring honor to his family, that does not change the effect that he has on ciri as a child. he enters her nightmares as an exaggerated version of what he was, even though he was scared, too. this demonstrates how impressionable youth are misguided into the military and people are made unaware of just how much violence they ensue. 

cahir is built up as this nightmarish figure, this horrifying man that ciri wants revenge upon more than anything else, and THEN he is revealed to also be a terrified youth. underneath the helmet, there was a terrified young man. that is an incredibly powerful image and metaphor.

and what did the witcher netflix do? ... well...

cahir shows his face, he doesn’t have the symbolism of his imposing helmet anymore. he’s much older, eamon farren is 35 years old, 15 older than cahir canonically is, so he’s not someone who has had nationalist ideals imposed upon him unfairly by his parents and society, but rather a full adult who is established and making his own decisions fully in his own control. in the books, he stops pursuing ciri once she escapes, because he has a mental breakdown from the stress of his society and family’s expectations of success, and fear of harsh punishment he will receive. he goes to prison in the imperial capital for a year for failing. in the netflix series, he stops at nothing to get ciri, chasing her down constantly and enlisting the help of sorcerers, a doppler... it’s a whole evil entourage. cahir is not the vulnerable and noble-at-heart young man that he was in the books.

in the end, these are things that are too late to change now. these things can’t be developed upon to “fix” them. ciri cannot suddenly receive her character establishment as a child. geralt cannot suddenly become a caring father who has cared about protecting ciri since day one. cahir cannot suddenly become a young man influenced by his jingoistic society who was only in full plate armor because his parents told him to. these things are so essential to their characters that they are begun to be established immediately.

and yeah everything’s going to get memed on just like they did with renfri. no one discusses the elves’ situation in dol blathanna seriously, they just like laughing at how jaskier called them “pointy.” ciri isn’t discussed at all by the fandom except for being a token baby character. it’s dark times

[ordinaryschmuck]

Why I (Want To) Love Amphibia

Salutations random people on the internet who probably won't read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons. If you've been paying attention to my posts, you would have known that I made a top twenty list of the best-animated series of the 2010s. And if you read my Honorable Mentions list, you would have known that I consider Amphibia one of those shows that, while I like it, I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's one of the best. Don't get me wrong. It's good. But there are issues that I have with Amphibia, and I can't recommend it without being hesitant. I still like it fine, but I doubt some people will be as forgiving as me. So I'm going to explain the quality and faults that the show has, while still being considerate to those who do love it. Because unlike some people who would make a two-hour-long video essay about how much they hate something, I can at least acknowledge that while something doesn't entirely work for me, that doesn't mean it won't work for everyone else. Because there is a reason why this show has such a following...I don't think it's earned, but I won't knock people down when they love something I find passable. And I hope that respect goes both ways as I explain why I (want to) love Amphibia.

Also, this review is going to contain spoilers for the entire series. So if you haven't checked it out yet, I recommend you do it to form your own opinion. Season one is on Disney+, and you're on your own for season two. And I suggest you find a legal way to watch it if you can, because I'm not going to leave a link to a pirating website filled with every animated series and movie you can find. And I'm definitely not going to insert that link into a random letter in this review with the thought that if you have to pirate something, then you might as well work for it. Because that would be crazy.

...

Stop being crazy.

....

Anywho, let's start with:

WHAT I LIKE

The Comedy: Let it be known that this show is funny. Like, really funny. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's funnier than Gravity Falls, which got me chuckling with every episode, but Amphibia definitely hits more than it misses. There are occasions when the jokes aren't really character-oriented and could be said by anybody in the Plantar Family, but if they're still funny, then who am I to complain. Although there is one issue that I have with the comedy. But I'll save that for when I talk about what I don't like. For now, I can assure you that if you're hoping for some laughs, Amphibia has plenty to offer.

Warnings Against Toxic Relationships: But even the best comedies know when to offer some substance. Because I won't lie, when Anne described what is clearly a toxic friendship in the second episode, I was hooked. I love it when kids shows breach topics that can be important for children down the line. And for the most part, I think Amphibia does it well. There are so many instances that the writers' point out the several red flags that a person should avoid when it comes to a friendship and when it's time to either cut that person from your life and stand up for yourself. One of my favorite episodes is "Prison Break," where Sasha explains how she manipulates people and shows zero remorse for it. Then there's the episode "The Sleepover to End All Sleepovers" that shows how a person's influence can affect others and how much it changes perception as Anne and Marcy still believe they need someone like Sasha in their lives...At least I hope that's what the intention is. Because if the writers are trying to say that Anne and Marcy really need someone like Sasha...Well, I'll save that for my dislikes. Because even though it could use a little polishing, warning kids about toxic relationships is what keeps me hooked into seeing what happens next in this series.

It’s Not Afraid to go Dark: On top of breaking borders with morals intended for kids, I just gotta respect a show for playing around with what's considered "too dark." Especially if that show is on the Disney Channel!

The writers are not afraid to imply that death happens in the world of Amphibia, primarily because it is like a swamp ecosystem filled with predators and food chains. And I feel like because the characters are mostly amphibians, the writers can get away with an entire cave filled with the bones of victims as long as they're not humans. But frogs? No one gives a crap about them. There's a reason they're the ones who get dissected in schools.

Plus, a good majority of the monsters that Anne and the Plantars face are pretty horrifying at times. The crew who work on the show do a great job balancing the line of making these creatures look scary, but never go too far that they'll scar kids for life. Except in the Halloween special...How the f**k did they get away with the monsters in the Halloween special? And while they don't ever show what these monsters do, the implications honestly make things much worse, which again, I kind of respect. It's good to have shows like Amphibia that can scare kids a little bit. Getting through something fictitiously dark helps make kids feel braver and prepare them for the real horrors in the world. Especially since most of these creatures are just exaggerated versions of real-life predators...google them.

The Season One Finale: It was "Reunion" that made me realize that Amphibia has the potential to be amazing...it's also the last episode of season one, so let that sink in.

Joking aside, I honestly do love this episode. It's funny, it brings in elements from other episodes, nearly everybody does something useful, and it all ends with a satisfying and equally gut-wrenching climax. A climax, by the way, that is so perfect that I'm going to do a scene breakdown for why it's so good...so, you know, add that to the to-do list (I have so much s**t to make -_-). "Reunion" has so many elements about what makes a season finale so good that I feel like future writers should take notes for their own series that they plan to make. While I wish every episode of Amphibia had this level of quality, the writers know that the last impression is one of the most important. Because I will defend this show if this is the episode people use to trash it.

Marcy: I will also defend this show if someone trashes Marcy. Trust me, the best way to tell that someone is just hating on Amphibia for little to no reason is if they utter the word, "Marcy is a bad character." That is not true. Marcy is a great character, and I'd go so far as to say she's the best character in the series. She's sweet, adorable, and has a story ten times more interesting than Anne's. Anne learns what a sincere relationship is like through the Plantars, where Marcy falls victim to another manipulative relationship through King Andreas. It's her co-dependency that has the chance to get fleshed out more, and I can't wait to see if she has a moment to break out and form her own path.

Also, in the mass expanse of the multiverse, there exists a world where Amphibia is about the adventures that Marcy had in Newtopia as she uses Dungeons and Dragons logic to get by. And I want to see that universe! Because this clumsy nerd is already a blast to watch with the briefest of cameos. Imagine how much fun she would be if she had her own series!

Sprig: I don't know how much love Sprig gets within the fandom, but I got a feeling that it's not enough. He's funny without being annoying (most of the time), there's a whole lot of heart and sincerity to his actions, and above all else, he's the best friend that Anne needed. When Anne explained her very flawed views about friendship in "Best Fronds," it is clear how essential someone like Sprig is as he teaches Anne what friendship really means. It means caring for each other, supporting each other, making equal sacrifices for one another, and just being on the same page as each other. It is genuinely sweet seeing their friendship bloom, and I honestly hope the Amphibia fandom gives Sprig the amount of appreciation he deserves. Sure, he can be annoying sometimes, but for the most part, he's easily up there as one of my favorite characters.

Wally: Same with Wally! Who would have guessed that a character who appears as an dumb source of comic relief has a level of depth and lovability to him? "Wally and Anne" shows that while he is a nonsensical goofball, he doesn't really care what the frogs of Wartwood think of him. What matters is what he thinks of him. And that is just an incredible lesson to teach kids that just makes me love Wally more. 

(It also helps that he's probably the funniest character in the show. I know I said that he's dumb, but when he works, he works.)

Kermit the Frog Cameo: ...It's Kermit the Frog, y'all. I physically can't hate him. Especially since this is the perfect show for him to make a cameo in!

WHAT I DON’T LIKE

Anne’s Character: I don't have a problem with Anne. I think she's a serviceable protagonist, and I love the fact that she's Thai, offering a form of Asian representation other than Chinese, Japanese, or Korean. But here's the problem with Anne: After a season and a half, I still don't know what her character is. If you were to ask me to describe a Disney show protagonist within one sentence, I could do it effortlessly. Watch:

Star Butterfly: An adrenaline junky of a warrior princess who slowly learns to be responsible with each passing season.

Luz Noceda: A generous nerd that obsesses about fantasy and fiction, who still understands when to take a step in reality when the moment calls for it.

Scrooge McDuck: An old Scottish miser who has the heart of adventure and is a duck that almost loves his family as he loves his money.

For Anne, I don't know where to start because her personality is so inconsistent. Sometimes she makes friends with others without even trying, and other times, she gets on others' nerves easily. Sometimes she's a thrillseeker with the heart of adventure, and other times, she's a person who prefers to hang back and avoid doing work. And sometimes she's the only sane character with logical advice, and other times she's the most insane character who needs advice. Now, you could argue that these are all character traits that make Anne multidimensional. But if you ask me, it seems like her personality is dependent on what the writers want her to be for the episode. Someone like Luz going back and forth between two traits only works if there is a dominant personality trait that takes over the other. If Luz spends an entire episode being angry and serious, it proves that there's more to her than just a character that's nerdy and optimistic. But it's clear she is still that lovable nerd by having her say a corny line like, "Talk to the glyphs, Witch!" But because Anne has so many personality traits, it's hard to tell which is the norm and what is out of character. Case in point: Having Anne obsess over hang-gliding in one episode and doing a puzzle in the next is off as neither correlates with each other. Nor do they tell me who Anne is, other than the fact that she's clearly a character lacking a singular identity. And seeing how she's the main character, the one audiences are supposed to root for and identify with, it's probably not a good thing.

The Story: For the record, I have no problems with the story itself...the way it's written, however...

First off, there's too much filler. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as filler episodes have the potential to be fun when written well. The problem is that relying on filler instead of telling your story can leave some people (me) uninterested and angry. And the thing is, there is a perfect way to avoid filler that doesn't involve telling the overarching narrative: Introduce personal plotlines. Look at The Owl House, for example. There are several character-oriented narrative threads that get introduced within the first few episodes. Such as Luz learning magic, Eda's curse, her relationship with Lilith, and Amity's redemption. Therefore, The Owl House avoids any filler episodes just as long as it focuses on any of these plotlines and even introduces new ones. Amphibia has the plotlines, but it rarely focuses on them. Especially since the story takes way too long to develop. 

Every time I think the show is finally going to start moving forward and we can continue the story, there are like ten more filler episodes where everything comes to a screeching halt. Now, to be fair, there is an explanation why we're forced to wait for the story to move forward, and it's because the characters are forced to wait as well. But, even then, there could have been better ways to pad out that waiting than just adding filler. For example, I may not have been forced into an alternate universe where nearly everything wants to kill me, but if I was, I WOULD SPEND EVERY WAKING MINUTE I HAVE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A WAY BACK! In the first season, how many episodes does Anne spend trying to figure out the mystery of how she got there and how to go home? Two. There are two whole episodes, out of thirty-nine, where Anne tries to figure things out...That is insane to me. But to be fair, season two is doing a much better job at moving things along...but it doesn't change the fact that the writers are kind of bad at telling their own story.

There are two episodes, "Anne Vs. Wild" and "Lost in Newtopia," where the story continues, but it's only in the last few minutes. The problem is that if you take those endings out, the episodes themselves do not change a bit. BUT because those are significant and essential moments for the plot, you can't take them out. Resulting in scenes that, while intriguing, come across as awkward in the long run. So now, my question is why. Why is the story handled so poorly? And I have one theory.

It Feels Like the Writers Can’t Decide What they Want the Show to be: Sometimes it seems like Amphibia is written as a pure slice of life series like Big City Greens. However, there are times when the show seems like it's intended to mix slice of life with fantasy like Gravity Falls. Now here's the problem: Big City Greens and Gravity Falls are two very different shows in terms of storytelling, tone, and character work. Big City Greens is an episodic comedy series where character development is unimportant, and the adventures rarely go beyond just being wacky. As for Gravity Falls, it is a show that is semi-serialized where the character development is constant, and the fantasy-adventures are always prevalent in every episode. And there are several episodes of Amphibia that could be a part of either show. Episodes like "Stakeout," "Lily Pad Thai," and "Little Frog Town" have plots that I can see being in Big City Greens. Then there are episodes like "The Domino Effect," "Toad Tax," and "Marcy at the Gates" that I could see being in Gravity Falls. These two groups of episodes are vastly different from one another that it causes Amphibia to feel disjointed in the process. Usually, I'm a fan when a series mixes different genres together, but do you want to know why something like Gravity Falls does such a great job at mixing slice of life with fantasy-adventure? Because, as I said, fantasy-adventures are always present in every episode. "Dipper vs. Manliness," "Boss Mabel," and "Roadside Attraction" each have the most basic slice of life plots of the show, but there is always a fantasy element or a monster to fight. There are entire episodes of Amphibia where there is no monster, and even when there is, it doesn't have the same amount of tension and weight that the creatures in Gravity Falls have weekly. A show like Big City Greens doesn't have to worry about monsters or evil villains every week because it doesn't need to. It's a show about the wacky adventures of a family of farmers adjusting to city life. Why would they have to worry about a monster every week when they just have to worry about each other. If Amphibia was the same way then there would be no issue. But because if it wants to be a mix of slice of life with fantasy, then it does need to worry about a monster every week. I usually try to defend shows that try to play both sides, but this show has to be the one occasion where I have to say pick one or the other. Because the writers tried hard to be both, and personally, I don't think they did a good job.

Characters Don’t. Stop. SCREAMING!: It's here we move on from what's objectively wrong with Amphibia to the things that just bother me personally...and this is one of those things. I get it. An over-the-top reaction to something minimal can be funny on occasion...but it's never "on occasion" with this show. Nearly every episode has characters screaming to get a laugh, and most of the time, it's more annoying than it is funny. It's Hop Pop who does this the most, and I just feel so bad for Bill Farmer. That voice already seems like it's hard to do, so being forced to scream and yell with it for the sake of comedy can't do him any favors. Other shows, especially ones on the Disney Channel, have characters overreact for the sake of humor, but it's Amphibia that I feel like it relies on this the most. I'm sure some people aren't bothered by this, but I am, and this is my review, so I'm mentioning it.

Poly: Speaking of things that probably don't bother other people...I feel like I'm making some enemies with this one. Because, boy, do I not like Polly. Her voice is annoying, she mostly causes problems for the family, and to me, her entire character seems pointless. No, really. Think about it. Anne is the main character, Sprigs acts as her emotional support, and Hop Pop acts as the voice of reason. What's Polly's purpose? Because all she adds are unnecessary jokes, character traits that could have gone to anybody, and acting more as a plot device than an actual character. The only justification for her that I can think of is that she adds gender balance to the main cast. Which would be more than acceptable if there was a point to her existence. But I think it's pretty evident with her exclusion from the original pilot pitch for the program that Polly's personality is practically pointless...that is most likely the only alliteration I'll ever do for a review, so you have better appreciated it.

If you like Polly, then more power to you. For me, I just don't enjoy her.

Sasha: Oh, nelly. I can already see the hateful messages I'm gonna get from this.

Now, as a character, I actually do like Sasha. I think her personality is interesting enough to dissect, and I think she acts as a perfect antagonist to Anne, the Plantars, and even Marcy if you want to get into it. My problem relies on how much the fanbase is already jumping on the "Forgive Sasha" train. Because, "Aw, she's just like Catra and Amity! So sweet, tortured, shippable with the main character, and--" STOP IT! Stop it right now...and think. With Catra and Amity, you see the environment they grew up in, you feel the abuse they deal with, you understand the reasoning of their actions, and you come to forgive them for who they are...At least for Amity, you can. For Catra, it requires more of an argument. But Sasha? Did we see the same cruel mistreatment to her friends? Did we hear the same coldness in her voice as she describes how to manipulate people? Did we witness the same damage she's done to Anne and Marcy in how they perceive healthy relationships? Apparently not! Because while everyone else is already on the same page that Sasha deserves redemption, I'm sitting here thinking that maybe it's for the best to be a little more hesitant. So far, we have yet to see any way to understand her reasoning and have yet to see how she deserves forgiveness. Sure, Sasha was willing to sacrifice herself for Anne, but did Sasha really earn that? It works as a sudden realization that Anne deserves better, but Sasha has yet to do anything that proves she can be better. Especially since the next time we see her, she's trying to help a fascist ruler get back up on his feet...THINK ABOUT THAT!

But, sure, she's meant to be forgiven. That can work. Because while Sasha shows kids the type of people they should avoid, she can also work as a warning for what kids should avoid becoming. That is a great thing to teach...but it can also be potentially dangerous. Because if incorrectly interpreted, Sasha can show kids that every person who seems toxic just needs a chance to change. And that is the last thing you want to teach, given how very few toxic people actually change. You want to know why The Owl House gets away with an equally dangerous lesson about how not every bully is awful? It's because it shows two sides of the spectrum by proving why someone like Amity did the things she's done while also saying that characters like Boscha and Mattholomule are just a-holes for the sake of being a-holes. Sasha has no one to compare to. Sure, there's King Andreas, but he's a government figure. They're built to be manipulative. Sasha needs someone that's on her level of cruelty to prove that while some people can change and have reason to do so, others don't. And seeing how I don't think she deserves to change, at least not yet, that is an issue. It's the biggest issue out of all the issues I have with this show.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, yeah, I think it's pretty evident how I feel about Amphibia when I can write paragraphs about the stuff I don't like while barely being able to talk about the things I do like. Because I do enjoy this show. It's funny, most of the characters are enjoyable, and its discussion on toxic relationships still has me hooked to see what happens next. My issue lies with inconsistency. The main protagonist, storytelling, genre, and thematic purposes are all inconsistent. I'm interested enough to watch more, and who knows, maybe I'll make a final verdict review once the series comes to an end. For now, if you had to ask me what I’m excited to make a return, I don't know if I'll be willing to hop to it by saying Amphibia.

(Also, if you're still looking for that link for that pirating website I mentioned, now would probably be a good time to tell you that I really never did put one in. I told you, that would be crazy...That should teach you to try to break the law.)

[just-the-hiddles]

Writer’s Spotlight | Winterisakiller & Winterisakillerwrites

Another Writer’s Spotlight and this week I featuring @winterisakiller​ \ @winterisakillerwrites​.  This is actually one of the first fic writers I found on Tumblr and I feel honored to feature them today.  She is the queen of angst and ripping my heart out.  Yes I have “yelled” more than once “fix it now!” at them after reading one of their stories.  They write killer OCs and are a genuinely great and supportive friend

The Basics

Any other names you want people to call you?

Cait

How long have you been writing fic?   

Oh goodness, since I was 12...so fourteen years give or take.

What fandoms and/ships do you write?

Currently Tom Hiddleston RPF and in that fandom Tom and OFCs. I also used to be active in the AFI fandom writing mostly slash fic, with the occasional OFC throw in.

How did you get started writing fic?

I have always loved making up stories in my head. I started reading fic ages ago (Hanson fanfic to date myself) and found myself going....I can do this, so I did. My first fics are horribly embarrassing and thankfully aren't to be found anymore. But it was good practice and it gave my the excuse to put pen to paper so to speak.

Story Recommendations

Which of your stories are your favorite?

That is a tough question, its like asking me to chose my favorite child. But if I had to I guess I would say its a tie between my two multi-chapter stories, Love & Great Buildings and Get Better. I love L&GB because it was the first long fic I wrote on my own from start to finish in YEARS. And Tom and Rosie have come to mean so much to me, especially being my first foray into the Tom fandom. Get Better I love because it let me explore the Tom I had created in Brave Face and let him find the happy ending he felt he no longer deserved. Cath (the main OFC) was such a fun character to explore as well. Building their relationship was a challenge (mainly trying to get them to cooperate with me) and one I enjoyed immensely.

Which story are you most proud of?

Honestly, Imperfect Tense because it was such a painful and difficult story to write. And it makes the only story in which I absolutely could not stand the Tom I created. He is a selfish in it and a coward and it costs him everything in the end. He had so many chances to come clean and be honest and he ran from each and every one until the truth finally was revealed and by then it was far, far to late. I love the OFC in the story, Molly, because she sticks to her guns. She loves Tom, trusted him implicitly, and he broke that trust and no matter how much she loves him, there is no way she can forgive him. And she sticks by that, even when the circumstance she finds herself in would be so much easier with him actively involved. So long story short, I'm saying Imperfect Tense because it wasn't the story I wanted to tell but the one that it needed to be.

Which of your stories do you think is the most underrated?

That is another tough one. I think I am going to have to go with Becoming. For one its a general Tom fic, not an OFC or reader fic, which meant it definitely didn't get a great deal of traffic. For another it was a challenging fic, for me, because I had so many ideas about what I wanted to explore and narrowing it down to focus primarily on building the relationship between Tom and his son and how that impacted Tom as a person (the guilt, the confusion, and the desperate need to get this right).

Someone is new to reading your stories, which story/stories should they read first?

I guess I would say either the Last Minutes & Lost Evenings series (Tom and Rosie) or the Brave Face series. Though any of the one shots I've written are good jumping in points as they are mainly independent stories (unless otherwise marked).

Which Story did you do the most research for?   

Honestly, Get Better (and in the same vein its prequel Brave Face). Get Better because it was sent in and around the London Betrayal run and I wanted to be as accurate as I could be. Brave Face because I did a LOT of looking into Tom's schedule at the time (2014-2016) as it played a very big role in the way I was writing Tom's character.

Which Story was the easiest to write?

Surprisingly, Brave Face...It almost seemed to write itself. I seriously blinked and somehow a 13,000 word story appeared. It never happened before and I seriously doubt it will ever happen again.

The Writing Process

What is your favorite part of writing?

When I get to that one part of a story...The one I can't wait to tell because its been sitting in my brain, begging to get out. And when I get it out exactly, if not better than, how I saw it in my head.

What is your least favorite part?

Editing is a bitch. So is trying to start something and not being able to get the words out the way they need to be. If that makes any sense.

Describe your style in 1 to 2 sentences.

Character driven and full of emotion. Mainly angst.

Who are some of your writing idols and/or influences?

Fanfic wise? I am in utter awe of @tilltheendwilliwrite​. Everything she writes is amazing and beautiful and my god I want to be her when I grow up. I also adore WhittyOne (on AO3), her Pastiche series is stunning and heartbreaking and beautiful. The relationship between Tom and Michelle is one of my absolute favorite fictional relationships. The love and trust between them is something out of this world. Traditional writers, I really don't have any one I strive to be. I read a lot (though as of late its been more fanfic than anything) and will try just about anything as long as I am invested in the characters.

What programs do you use to write and/or edit?

I write and edit mainly using Word. Occasionally, I will fiddle around with Google Docs, but Word is my norm.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

Probably more of a panster, though I have been trying my best to be more of a plotter (at least in the basic sense) so that I at least have a general direction to move in.

Do you write RPF or not?

Yes.

What do you think are your writing strengths?

I think my strength lies in my ability to capture emotion (both the way my characters express their emotions and the way they don't) and I think I'm fairly decent at dialogue.

What do you struggle with?

Detail and description. I am working at getting better at describing the world around my characters. Trying to make the world more technicolor and less black and white.

Favorite Trope?

I'm a sucker for unrequited love and mutual pining.

What is the best piece of writing advice you have heard?

Actually its funny that you ask, I was talking with @evieplease last night and she mentioned that the best way to catch any errors or to see if what you've written works, read it aloud. And honestly, I had never thought of it until that moment and my god it makes so much sense.

What would you say to a new fanfic writer starting out?

As dumb as it sounds, just start writing. If you have an idea, run with it. Explore and try new things.

What is a random bit of research you have not managed to work into a fic yet?

I can't think of anything off the top of my head.

What is your favorite random detail from one of your stories?

I have an entire relationship background plotted out for Tom and one of my OFCs that will never feature in the fic(s) they are in, but gives me such a better understanding of them as a couple.

Any goals or WIPs you want to share?

Right now I am in the middle of writing Chasing Marigolds which is an idea that sprung from a tumblr game I participated in back in September of last year. Basically people sent story titles and the game was to come up with a summary for the title you were given. @lettalady​ gave me Chasing Marigolds and I came up with a basic summary and a few days later, the overall plot of the story. Flash forward to about a week or so ago, when my brain decided I HAD to get the story out. I'm only one and a third chapters into the story as of now, but I am excited about it and I cannot wait to start sharing it.

This or That

Fluff AND Angst

Smut AND Fluff

Reader Insert or OC

Ojne Shot or Series

Canon Divergent or AU

Pepsi or Coke

Coffee or Tea

Sweet or Savory

Until next time peeps, toodles!

[catgirlxox]

Ben Is Too Good For His Own Good

Aka a "cinnamon roll", if you will. Yes, I'm writing an essay on this. 

So it's nothing new that Ben has this "second chances" philosophy, but that is indicative of the possibility that he would let himself be in damaging relationships in hopes that the other person would change or improve. 

There have been various instances of Ben kind of just brushing off being treated poorly. I wouldn't say that this makes him a push over or anything like that, but I never see any of these things being pointed out. They're just kind of laughed off.

Just the other day, in fact, I had someone privately DM me saying that they don't believe Ben ever had any trauma or side effects from his lifestyle, even questioning “what nightmares” I was even referring to. 

On top of that, it's a very common thing in this fandom to state things like "the girls deserved better than Ben." I'll always be of the opinion that Ben is the one that deserved better, and I have plenty (logical) reasons why, but that’s besides the point. 

Even though Ben is so forgiving and cooperative, giving everyone a second chance to change, it just doesn't sit right with me that we should just be okay with some of the horrible things that are being justified here. That doesn't mean you should hate these characters. I mean, Ben clearly doesn't. But it honestly says more about him than any of them. 

It says a lot to me when I see Ben seeing the best in someone, even when they've done horrible things in the past or are in the midst of doing something bad to him. 

One example, which I keep bringing up on this blog, is the episode "Vilgax Must Croak." Besides everything else that Vilgax had done to him in the past, in addition to throughout the episode up until this point, Ben was still shown believing that Vilgax could have tried to save him by jumping in front of Ben to shield him from a (seemingly extremely destructive) blast from Attea. 

Things like this also explain why I don’t support shipping Ben with Attea, but that’s besides the point too...

Of course, even if he did save Ben by doing this, Vilgax was only manipulating the situation to make it look like he was trying to save Ben when he was really taking the chance to break himself free of the handcuffs. 

But, even so, this seems to mean that Ben believes that Vilgax does have it in him to do something good. Ben was admittedly shocked by what had happened at first, but by the next scene where he turns back to human, he's got his guard down enough for Vilgax to take advantage of the situation again and shoot him in the back. Because, please realize, if Vilgax didn’t “save” him, he wouldn’t be able to shoot him in the back. 

But anyway, in conclusion, as the title states, he's too good for his own good. 

The next unfair circumstance which displays the same thing happens in the episode "No Honor Among Bros." I am aware that the following is uncharacteristic of Rook and had only happened because Rook was under the influence of a substance, so I want to acknowledge that, but I am mostly focusing on Ben's actions here.

Ben and Rook eventually are set up against each other in the tournament, and, besides the fact that Ben already doesn't want to fight anyone needlessly, as shown by his previous match against Malice where he was BEAT UP FOR THREE HOURS...

...he clearly holds back while fighting Rook in this match, too. 

The one time he actually hits Rook with a decent shot, which knocks Rook out temporarily, not only does he immediately go check on him to make sure he's not badly hurt, but also turns back to human, leaving him somewhat more vulnerable then he would be as Upchuck. 

This seems to mean that he trusted Rook wouldn't take that chance to hit him right back. And unnecessarily hard too, at that. 

This knocks Ben down, making him lose the fight. The important thing to take away from this is that, regardless if he just chalked it up to Rook not being himself, he still didn't seem to hold it against him, besides just being slightly annoyed. 

So, basically, he got his ass beat multiple times only because he was holding back for the other person's sake. He's too good for his own good. 

Then there's also Kevin and Tetrax. Both are former "criminals", albeit for different reasons, and Ben still had it in him to befriend both of them. This is probably due to the fact that they've built trust over time, and fought evil together to protect others, including each other. 

I don't like to look past the fact that Kevin, while admittedly not entirely in control of his powers at the time, has tried to kill Ben on multiple occasions. But, like I said, Ben has grown to trust him and they have each other's back, so there’s no need to really expand on those two all that much. 

Then there's the sad story of Elena. 

You could argue that the reason it's difficult for me to look past Elena's “mistakes” is because she was given little to no chances to redeem herself. And perhaps there is some truth to that. 

However, there has been a scene which seems to be what is considered "redeeming" - when she attempts to sacrifice herself to save Ben. 

And while Ben himself seemed extremely moved by this at the time, clearly not holding any hard feelings towards what she had just done to him throughout "Revenge of the Swarm", I can't say that I feel the same. 

I can't say that I feel the same because Ben's life would not even be in danger at this point if she didn't attempt to suffocate him. Should I see her as a “hero” for saving Ben from herself? 

Especially when it’s evident that she had enough self control to attempt to commit suicide, but somehow not enough to not attempt to kill Ben again once she realized that her suicide attempt failed. 

Ben: “Elena! They’ve been controlling you! You’ve got to fight them!”

Elena: “They’re not controlling me, they are me! And I am them!”

Another thing about her predicament that I don't understand is whether or not her choices are voluntary. The other characters say outwardly that "the chips are controlling her", while she, in response, claims that they are not controlling her and instead, that they "are her." 

Elena: “They give me what I want! They fulfil my deepest desires! Even the ones I don’t know I have!”

She also claims that the chips want what she wants, and because they “are her” they give her the ability to get everything she might want. By that logic, she would want everything that had happened up until this point, which is crazy and inexcusable. 

If she is the chips, implying there is no other Elena inside that is the “true” Elena, and she genuinely wants to do things like stalk Ben and attempt to kill him, then I don’t see a way to excuse or justify that.  

But then, in the midst of choking Ben to death, Julie tells her that she couldn't seriously want Ben to die, which Elena responds to seemingly confused or unsure for the first time, and only states it must be what she wants, before claiming that she really did care about Ben. 

I’m sure Ben would agree that she could still be redeemed at this point. He would probably still agree she could be redeemed after all that I’m about to go over as well.

And, while this is evident since he did state the following, believing, once again, that there is still good in someone who had done horrible things:

Ben: “There was enough of my friend left to save my life.”

She still came back to make the situation worse instead of taking the chance to redeem herself. 

Unfortunately, unlike I suggested earlier, and instead of leaving it at that after surviving her suicide attempt and traumatizing everyone in the process, she returns in "The Perfect Girlfriend" impersonating Julie, being the cause of Gwen suffering a pretty significant injury, and, let’s not forget, attempting to kill Ben once again. 

It’s even worse that she chose to do so at such a vulnerable point in Ben and Julie’s relationship, considering that they had been arguing lately, even in the beginning of that very episode. I’ve actually had someone claim that this episode proves that Ben’s idea of the “perfect” girlfriend is someone who does everything he says and may as well have no individual personality. And, because someone I think is credible enough to speak on Ben’s behalf believes that to some extent, it just shows me that it’s possible many other people in this fandom might believe the same thing.

To me, it simply seemed as if he believed that his relationship with his girlfriend was finally improving, which is a good thing. It doesn’t seem all that unreasonable for him to not question why they were suddenly getting along much more than before. Why would anyone question their relationship with their significant other going well, especially after going through a rough patch? 

Regardless, after realizing the reason why this was the case, he must have also felt horrible about not noticing sooner, which sucks. He’d be seen as a jerk for questioning why his girlfriend was being so nice to him had he done so, but he’d be seen as a jerk for not noticing that it wasn’t really her all this time anyway.

I hate to keep flaming her, but Elena chose to put him in that position since the chips allow her to fulfil “all her deepest desires”, apparently. Because that's what you do to someone you "love." 

While Elena's story wasn't continued past Ultimate Alien, the Ben 10: Omniverse comic "Parallel Paradox" did attempt to tie up loose ends. 

Before I continue, I have to state that the comics are not technically "canon.” However they are official source material and therefore should be accurate to canon. So, for clarity, and for those who haven't read this comic, Elena here is basically presented as if she is voluntarily a criminal. She's apparently stealing tech for money, working for some other higher level bad guy, and clearly has a grudge against Ben after what had happened. 

I’ll provide the relevant pages below, but Elena states that Ben was “rude” to her the last time they saw each other...when, in the moment she is reffering to, she had impersonated her way into Ben’s living room and had the nerve to get into an argument with him when she was clearly in the wrong. 

But Ben himself wasn’t even being rude to her in that particular scene, either. He was trying to explain why what she was doing was wrong. He only resorted to using the Ultimatrix once Elena resorted to violence herself.

At the end of "Parallel Paradox", it's revealed that Ben feels like Elena hates him, despite all that she's done to him. Which is interesting, since it doesn't seem to me like he's done anything to her to give her a reason to hate him. Not even supposedly being “rude.” It seems like it should be the other way around, really. 

I know that I wouldn't hesitate considering filing a restraining order against someone who stalked me, attacked my friends, kidnapped my significant other, lied to me, and then attempted to kill me twice. 

But Ben? No, AFTER ALL THAT...he actually wants to help her and wishes she didn't hate him for no reason. 

Or maybe she doesn't have a grudge against him for what he did do, but rather what he didn't do, in her view. The irony is that Ben clearly would do anything he could to help her, she just isn't accepting that help. She just wants what she wants and will stop at nothing to get what she wants. 

She seems to constantly be putting the blame on everyone but herself. And the first step to changing for the better starts with changing oneself by changing old habits and actively working to do better. It's even more sad that she doesn't seem to realize just how much faith Ben does have in her, despite the horrific stuff in Ultimate Alien. 

If she really loved him, she shouldn't let him down. But at this point, I don't know if that's the case anymore. 

Anyway, at the end of the day, what astounds me the most is that Ben isn't mad at her. I mean, he should at least have serious trust issues by now! It really puts things into perspective and explains why there even is an alternate future where a pairing like Benkai can happen. 

If someone like Kevin, who hated Ben as a kid and actively tried to kill him, can become his best friend, and if someone like Elena can also get away with causing so much unnecessary harm to Ben without so much as a displeased glance, why wouldn't he give a girl who just likes to bully and pick on him another chance? 

I still don't believe he deserves that, but I fear that is it is extremely likely, even if it comes from a good place.

And because he gives everyone 764845786448578 chances. 

[l0chn3ss]

l0chn3ss update

I feel like the last time I ever really active on tumblr was in the year 2016, so i want to address my absence between 2017-2020. Part of it is because I feel like I owe it to my friends and mutuals who I just basically left on read and another part is because I’ve always treated this blog as a personal blog that documents my life and my growth. I put off writing this for a long time but now that I have a huge paper due, now is definitely the time.

You are welcome to skip but I will address a few hard hitting questions I feel should be answered, especially since I feel like I departed like an anti-hero of a bad tv show.

Where I am currently: I am in grad school to obtain a master’s in library and information science. I have a full time job at different middle school libraries, though I work from home now. I also tutor kids on the side to pay for my tuition because I basically make minimum wage. Quarantine messed with my head at first, but now I’m feeling much better and I’m trying to reconnect with friends and close a lot of loose ends.

TLDR: I took an extended break because tumblr mobile sucks and my laptop needed serious repairs. I made a huge migration away from social media in 2018. I prioritized my education and in-person connections, which fell to shit because of my fandom involvement in the past. I did not like the direction of the main fandom I participated in and knew that many of the people I once respected did not respect me in return/ Us versus them mentality. I recognized that I treated my life on tumblr too seriously and took petty drama personally. I am sporadically on tumblr now because I genuinely enjoy the social connection and because I still like running fandom events.

Yes, you can reblog this. I’d love for this narrative to be heard.

Long version: To preface this, this post is being written to give myself closure and because I really am procrastinating on my final big paper of this semester. I’ll be tackling on the points in the tldr in a longer narrative that will appear to be in an expository fashion, which I recognize will be a source of contention, but my intentions are to throw it onto the table so that I can be freed. I can let it go and move on. I’m no longer a 20 years old who cared too much of what other people think and will think; I think differing perspectives are important and I want to give myself a chance to say my piece. That and I recognize that I lost the audience that I once had, so I doubt this will be an issue at all. It’s been 4 or what ever years, let’s just not.

Back in 2015-2016 there was a huge back and forth between three groups of people in the SE fandom. The reason why I’m not listing out the name is because I don’t want this to show up in the tags. I’d say that the three groups could be seen as quite literally the soma shippers (mostly white, demi sexual girls), lgbt centric bloggers (very kid or star oriented, very fed up with soma), and the people who were deemed as alright to soma shippers (c r ona, ste inm arie, jac k im centric people). There was a constant (and understandable) tension between the first two groups while the third was like the weird cousin that everyone in the social circles liked because they sprinkled in soma for the masses. Don’t argue with me on this-- this was literally how the fandom was in 2015 and you know it.

The main issue was that one group felt that they were being inclusive towards identities and sexualities while the other felt that they were not. I remember that one of the arguments was that soma WAS an LGBT ship because people headcanonned the members to be demisexual. However, the other side of the argument was that it wasn’t good representation of a gay pairing. Now that we can look back at this 5 years later, I have two things to say: 1, I now very much understand why the argument broke out because of how heated the topic is, and I do believe that I lean more towards the “other side” now that I’m not wearing rose tinted glasses, but 2, I need to make it clear that demi people are lgbt, but a headcanon is not fact and ship diversity was the main question at hand, not the ship itself. This argument lasted for weeks, destroyed my friendships, and no matter what I felt I did in the moment (which was to mend the fandom), it was taken as an insult.

(Side note: Somethings that I remember was being in someone’s DM’s to encourage them to participate in the large fandom events more, but once they twisted my intentions and rallied their friends, I became their enemy. I also became the mods’ enemy but then again, when was I not? I was made fun of for saying “queergender,” a term that is now currently being widely used, quite openly by someone I wanted desperately to be friends with. I was outwardly mocked by popular users who only apologized behind closed doors but didn’t bother to clear things up with their followers. Adults who were in their 30s quite literally attacked a 19 year old. It was in that moment that I realized I would never become friends with either side, and not because I didn’t want to.)

I bring this up because as I begun to stop writing soma fics, I also begun to see and understand why people moved away from it. It wasn’t the ship itself, it was the culture surrounding it. However, on tumblr we have the ability to connect intensely with the content we produce. Therefore, the ship itself began to be connected with the shippers and their attitudes towards outside pairings-- that attitude being tied into elitism.

I say this with every ounce of love I can because I once had the exact same mannerism. When you become so tied into one pairing to the point where other ships appear to threaten the existence of it and you react negatively towards it, you become rancid. The popular tag “everything is soma” takes a very dark turn. Even if readers consume another pairing’s work, they will be obliged to say “I ship soma more BUT that was cute.” They will read an entirely different topic and wonder why soma wasn’t inserted into it in the background. They will reject pairings that separate the two as if breaking them up is sin and an insult.

The only reason why I stopped writing my soma fics in 2016 was because I saw a real need to fill in the gaps of other pairings. I took what people were saying to heart and I wanted to change my ways and my perceptions. I saw the animosity of the ship culture and rejected it. I wanted to use what little influence I had to make the fandom just a bit more accepting. In 2016, I don’t think the fandom was ready for it. In 2017, they still weren’t ready for it. In 2020, I see hope, but I wonder sometimes if it’s masqueraded pity because of previous treatment.

In the middle of it all, I went from being the soma angst master to becoming the weird person everyone once knew. I was the friend that people excluded from group chats and I just “wasn’t the same.” Cliques grew extremely large in power in 2017 and exclusion hurt like a bitch.

The straw that broke the camel’s back and completely shut me down was in 2017 when I was graduating as a bachelor. There was a fandom event that I decided to go all in to. For context, there used to be a huge debate on how many times a person should enter in an event, but in my mind, the more exposure the better. My graduation and the event took place at the exact same time, which was cool, but what hurt me was what happened after.

I was lucky enough to be accepted into field school (when you travel to do outdoor excavating) for my major. I’m an anthropologist-- it was an honor. I didn’t plan in advance for it, and if anything, I thought that I would be committed completely to the events and my 5 or what ever entries at the time. I’ve always prided myself in communicating with others, so I made sure to let my partners in the event know what was going on. I was so excited to be going on my first ever excavation and no one at the time said anything otherwise, in fact, they all seemed incredibly supportive. 

What I didn’t know was that I would be called out by name in the event feedback response by one person who felt that I didn’t take the event seriously enough and that I should’ve prioritized my time accordingly. Two of the mods let me know because it referred to me directly, though the name of the submitter was not included. It was not only a slap in the face, but a dumbfound moment that reminded me that wow, fandom content really is someone’s life out there. My enforced silence because of lack of internet in the woods actually upset someone and made them believe that I wronged them, because I put my real life ambitions first before a fandom event.

It was then when I woke up and I remember very clearly thinking to myself: I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to treat my fandom life seriously. I want to participate in fandom for fun, not out of duty. I don’t want to prioritize this life because in the end, if I am hated for putting my work and education first, then I don’t want it.

(For context, I suspect that it was the same person who made a 200 note call out on me during the fandom tension. I respected this person immensely, but I also treated them like the flawed person I believe everyone is. I’m sure because of this, I’m pretty much trash in their eyes, which is totally fine. They have really cute cats so they can’t be all too bad. Don’t look into it too deeply.)

Once my month long field school was up, I was already used to not being on the internet or any of my social media accounts. I didn’t play my mobile games for a month. I didn’t read the news for a month. It was like going cold turkey on the internet, which reshaped my habits entirely. The only time that I had online within that time span was during the weekend, but I spent my time working on my projects and catching up with friends instead of being on apps.

I was also completely fed up with tumblr’s mobile app at the time, so one by one, I deleted my apps. Good bye to tumblr, snapchat, what little I used of instagram, twitter, everything. The only thing I kept was facebook, which was because it is the main platform that I use to message my boyfriend. That meant that any friends I retained from the fandom (who I still contact now) were also friends who had the chance to add me on facebook.

This was the cause of my 2 or 3 year hiatus on tumblr, and therefore the fandom. I occasionally checked back every 6 months to do a few fandom events, but I have several unopened messages and notifications that I haven’t been able to get to. I open my instagram for a few days once a year, and I only go onto twitter if my friends tell me (through facebook) that they dm’d me a post there.

When I left my online persona behind, I quickly strengthened my in person connections. New drama that erupted every other day became replaced with starbucks and boba runs. Reality TV shows replaced fanfiction. Text messages replaced the tumblr activity feed (which still doesn’t work on mobile BTW). I study at cafes unironically with friends instead of typing alone in my room. Overall, it opened my world considerably.

I still like making fun of myself and I try not to take myself seriously. I still make self depreciative memes to send to friends but then double up with kermit heart pics. I’m still a plot bunny, I still write my fics, I still watch my anime, I still play video games, I still sleep at 4am, I still take my depression medication, I still love potatoes, I still use my voice for people who can’t find theirs yet. But I think I’m in a much healthier mindset now, even if I still make stupid shifty posts calling out bad behavior.

Nowadays, I’m working on my Master’s degree in secret. My parents don’t know about it because my mom doesn’t like that I want to go out and do unladylike things like getting an education. I tutor kiddos and I’m really good with younger children, but I’m not going to do anything with kids because I just don’t want to. Instead, I want to work at an archive or a museum to bring my library interests and my anthropology background together. If I had my dream job, I would be a marine archaeologist; however I love my boyfriend of 8 years whom you probably all remember and I really came to terms with my grandeur dreams. I’m extremely happy with living in a small town with loved ones now, and I don’t need to move somewhere far away from my parents to be content. It’s a huge realization.

From 2018 to 2020 I got into actual drama in person while I was job hunting. Adult people suck and honestly it’s kind of embarrassing how ill equipped some people are. Even so, I currently work in middle schools as a media assistant. One of those realms is the library, and honestly it’s like fulfilling a prophecy. As much as I love the social aspect, public schools are an absolute train wreck.

I’m going to wrap this up now. This post is meant to help me close the past and move forward because the fandom culture feels different now. Things from several years ago don’t need to resurface. I want to enjoy my life fully, and fandom life is one of those aspects that I truly did enjoy. I’m going to keep using my voice and act like a fool, but I’m also not going to be losing sleep because of this. People are going to talk about you no matter what, whether positively or negatively, and it’s important to not take it personally.

Idk, go enjoy yourselves. Do things for yourself. It’s more fun that way.

[theprodigypenguin]

K, L, and Q??

K - Say something nice about someone in any of your fandoms:

UMMMMM YES.

@chromiwrites You were an imperative influence in my steady descent into DeuAce hell. My casual interest that sparked after reading the novels blew into full blown obsession after reading First Time and I’ve been crashing in it ever sense and I adore you for it. Additionally your writing has become a MASSIVE inspiration to me in just a few months, I aspire to illustrate scenes and emotions as wonderfully solid as you do.

@arielxlazarus Talking to you is an absolute blast, I think we talked until 1am the other night and I ended up absolutely exhausted at work the next day but tbh it was worth it because you have absolutely slammin music taste and I’m honored you’ve shared it with me. Plus you’re aroace and that makes me feel like we have something cool in common. AND you’re a writer, which I haven’t read your full fics yet, but I’ve read descriptions and bookmarked them on my laptop to read later because they look SO. GOOD.

@zetomato THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME CONSTANTLY RANT ABOUT SABO TO YOU CUZ I KNOW IT PROBABLY GETS ANNOYING I’M SO SORRY I’M JUST A STUPID MINDLESS SIMP, I’M A FOOL. I HAVE NO BRAIN. ONLY SABO. ALSO YOUR ART LITERALLY GIVES ME LIFE, EVER SILLY COMIC STRIP AND ILLUSTRATION IS MIND BLOWING AND GORGEOUS AND FRANKLY I’M JUST HONORED TO HAVE DISCORVERED YOU THROUGH THIS WACKED OUT WEBSITE! And thank you so much for involving me in the process of your writing because the fic is SO GOOD so far and I’m so excited to read the rest of it!

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves (chars you’re neutral on are fair game, as are chars you dislike):

Bellamy had wonderfully surprising character development that genuinely and unironically impressed me, and I’m super pleased especially at how he literally dropped the knife and backed out of assassinating Luffy simply because he wished him luck.

Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why:

Jeddy from the HP fandom. Not because I hate it, but I am just so sick and tired of JKTERFling’s absolute bullshit. I’m sick of it, and I don’t want anything to do with her or her bullshit anymore. I tried getting around it, separating the art from the artist, tried to enjoy that content despite the fact its creator is LIKE THAT, but I couldn’t. It was too hard and too painful. It made me nauseous, and if it made ME feel that way, I can’t even imagine how painful it is for the trans community that grew up on her books. Couldn’t handle it anymore, and I’ve been feeling a lot happier since I essentially left that fandom and started selling all the merch I wasted money on. I do miss a lot of the friends I made and still think about them all the time and love them to death and hope they’re doing well [[@beedragony, @bettercallmemalfoy, @scarshavestories]] but I had to separate myself from that content before I really lost it. The other people in the fandom had nothing to do with me leaving, because everyone I met and became friends with were STUPENDOUS and wonderful people. It’s all on me and what I thought would be best for my mental health.