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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Hidden Powers

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Abuse allegations, Swearing, Mild melancholy

Genre: Humor, SLIGHT Angst, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic) - Sorry the genres are all over the place

Summary: A misconception or misunderstanding turned rumor threatens to bring down Corpse’s entire career, but luckily, Y/N knows better than to stand aside and let it happen.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request and I’m so sorry for the long wait but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the fic if you happen to come across it. Love, Vy ❤

“Fuck this game!“ Y/N yells out in frustration as she is met with the screen informing her of her failure - aka death - for the fifth time in the past hour. “Has anyone ever even passed night four? I’m sure the king of FNAF Markiplier has but I’m also sure he hasn’t done it one a livestream! And my big mouth really had to go ahead and swear not to end this stream until I pass this God forsaken night, ughhh!“

Typically, Y/N’s quite the fearful rat when playing horror games, especially when home alone like right now, but this FNAF game has gradually turned her into a raging gamer instead. Not raging as in kicking ass at the game but as in the game kicking the ass of her sanity. She’s been struggling with this specific night for a while - the better half of her previous stream and an hour into today’s. Well, seeing how little progress she’s making with each try, it’s gonna be way more than an hour into today’s livestream as well. She’ll be lucky if she manages to get past it before hitting the three hour mark or just rage quitting which she’s bound to do eventually if her gameplay keeps going at this rate.

Another try later, she’s once again jumpscared into a failure screen that’s practically mocking her at this point. Throwing her arms above her head, Y/N sighs heavily, the frustration she’s harboring becoming more and more evident in her body language. “You know what, I need a break. Lemme see what you guys are saying in the chat.”

Scrolling through comments upon comments greeting her, sending her compliments and some trolling her with some hateful remarks she comes across a question which makes her brows furrow. That same question is repeated by a few other people but they fly by so quickly she doesn’t manage to catch the people’s usernames.

“A bruise on my arm? Where?“ She says out loud as she inspects both her arms, looking for what her chat had been talking about. That’s when her eyes eyes land on the purple mark on the skin just above her right elbow. She laughs, “Oh this? I know I’m a clumsy person but Corpse is to blame for this one.“

Little does the girl know, her boyfriend, who’s currently in his own apartment instead of camping out at hers, is watching this very stream, laughing his ass off remembering how that bruise came to be.

His laughter is cut short though when he catches glimpse of Y/N’s chat which suddenly floods with concern from her fans - assumptions and allegations of him being an abusive boyfriend starting to pollute the previously cheerful comment section. His stomach turns, for many reasons, each reason making it tighten in a worse and more painful knot.

The first blow comes from people actually coming up with such a thing. How could they even allow their minds to wander to such a dark and disgusting place where he’d be even remotely an abuser.

The second blow to his heart is delivered by the fact that people believed it. How and why could people believe such an absurd idea?! How low did these people think of him? What kind of piece of shit did he come off as to some people?

And the third is the mental image the idea gives him. It’s such a fucked up scene, he can’t even conjure it up, he can’t mentally picture it. Hell, he could and would never even raise his voice at Y/N. He’d never dare upset her or hurt her feelings let alone hurt her....like that!

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!“ Y/N’s gasp reaches him as though it was meant to fish him out of the downward spiral he started going down with these overwhelmingly dark thoughts, “What’s with this nonsense some of y’all are spewing in the chat?!“ She sounds downright angry and irritated, ready to fight whoever will continue spreading these rumors about her lovely boyfriend whom she absolutely adores. “Guys, I mean, seriously?! Do you have any idea what you’re talking about and WHO you’re talking about? Do we have the same Corpse in mind here? I doubt we do - you have some villainized, abusive version, and I have the loving boyfriend who tried to teach me how to handle a lightsaber so we can have a lightsaber fight and my dumbass used my own weapon against me. Yeah, I was pretty salty Corpse laughed his heart out while I was cringing in pain, but man, you guys take it farther than the farthest.“ Seeing his sweet, kind and non-confrontational girlfriend who always avoids conflict at all costs turn into this protective lioness because someone is talking shit about him is heartwarming and scary at the same time. “Y’all better shut the hole where these fucked up rumors surfaced from before you get one of the most innocent, loving and caring individuals in hot water for the BS you came up with! Copy? You better.“

Corpse has never in his entire life seen the topic of a stream chat change so quickly, the rumor never once getting brought up again.

That’s some serious power right there - power he never knew Y/N possessed because of her cute and soft exterior. Now he knows what kinda beast of a woman he’s dating - one prepared to do anything to protect him, no matter who from. And damn does that make him feel emotional and loved despite the shit that just happened. She can make him forget all the bad within the blink of an eye - that too is another superpower of hers, but this one he’s known about from the very start.

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sagurus · 3 years

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Regarding a Common Misconception of Hakuba Saguru

Lately I've been doing some reflecting on Saguru & the various ways I've seen him portrayed, as well as the ways I've portrayed him in the past. And then I was rereading some MK manga, and had some realizations. I've been feeling like rambling about them! So here I go, rambling.

[Disclaimer: I'm not personally taking issue with anyone's interpretation or impression of Saguru - just sharing my own impressions! This is just for fun <3 ]

Misconception: Saguru is constantly accusing Kaito of being KID

It’s a generally accepted fact in a lot of fics I’ve read (and honestly, maybe some fics I’ve written -- I used to hold this belief too!) that Saguru just unendingly insinuates that Kaito is KID--alone, in front of other people, always.

I won’t cite any here, but I’ve seen nods in fanwork to Aoko feeling a little stressed/frustrated about the fact that Saguru thinks Kaito is KID and makes it known. I’ve also seen fanwork where Saguru explicitly calls Kaito KID, presses Kaito for information, or otherwise makes his beliefs clear, even when others are around.

There are only five scenes in the Magic Kaito manga where Saguru makes direct indication toward his knowledge of KID’s identity.

First, of course, we’ve got chapter 17 - the first chapter where Saguru puts together that Kaito is KID.

For a long time, when I’d consumed more fic than MK canon, I recall an image born in my head of Saguru singling Kaito out in class and making the claim that Kaito is KID in front of everybody. I don’t know if I ever read any such allusion in a fic, or if it’s just an assumption I drew based on portrayals I read, but imagine my surprise when he does nothing of the sort.

Now, to be fair, Saguru is A LOT in this chapter. MK is still heavily in gag manga territory, so his behavior is extra extra played up. But if we take away the visuals, the dialogue between Saguru and Kaito can be summed up thusly:

[First scene where Saguru makes direct indications as to KID’s identity]

Kaito: You look so tired. Haven’t gotten enough sleep after chasing KID for three nights In a row, huh?

Saguru: Hmph. Aren’t you tired as well?

And then, a few beats later in the conversation:

Saguru: I’d like to invite you to the Ochima Art Museum tonight, where KID’s declared his next target. Kaito: Eh? Saguru: Then, you’ll understand why I’m so tired. Or, do you have other plans tonight? Kaito: Okay, I accept your invitation. It’ll be great to see your work in action!

And that’s it, that’s the big class confrontation. Aoko is present for it, but she’s more interested in joining in on the fun, and while I do think Aoko pieces together that Kaito is KID, she prefers to live in willful ignorance of it until it becomes impossible for her to ignore. She’s bright enough to pick up what Saguru’s implying, but because he never brings it past implication, there’s no reason for her to look at it too hard. Anyway, I digress. That’s conjecture and headcanon talking. My point is that Saguru never makes any explicit claims, just invites Kaito along to the heist.

Another neat thing about this scene is that--while certainly not motivated by mercy in this case, Saguru does give Kaito an out: “Or, do you have an excuse not to go tonight?” Of course, if Kaito took it, it would be rather damning, but I do think it would have been enough confirmation for Saguru. I don’t think there would have been any arm-twisting to get Kaito to agree.

But Kaito and Saguru are competitive bastards, so here we are.

Let’s move on to the heist!

Once again, the manga certainly plays up the whole ordeal. Saguru is intense and waiting for his moment, and Kaito’s being, well, Kaito.

At the heist, there are a few points where Saguru has opportunities to make allusions to Kaito being KID in a way others would pick up on, or otherwise make his suspicions known, but he doesn’t.

First of all, is this exchange:

Nakamori: Why are you guys here? Aoko: Hakuba-kun invited us! Nakamori: What’s the meaning of this, Hakuba-kun? Saguru: I thought she might like to see if KID is arrested tonight. Nakamori: You’ll fail if you’re too cocky! Saguru: We’re well-prepared. Besides, who knows… KID may already be here.

Saguru does imply KID could be present, but he makes no indication that he means Kaito. His next opportunity to hint at Kaito being KID or otherwise make accusations is when Nakamori asks him to consult as a magician.

Nakamori: Kaito, since you’re here, do you want to use your magic against KID? Kaito: [laughing sheepishly] Saguru: Oh, I want to see that fight, too. If you really can do it.

Needling, yes. Saguru knows what he’s saying and so does Kaito. Accusations, no. This is well within the realm of something Saguru would have said even if he didn’t suspect Kaito, considering their dynamic up until this point.

And then, the most explicit Saguru ever gets in terms of literally calling Kaito out as being KID, beginning when Kaito excuses himself to go to the bathroom right before the heist:

[Second scene where Saguru makes direct indications as to KID’s identity]

Saguru: [handcuffs himself to Kaito] Kaito: Huh? Saguru: I won’t let you do that, Kuroba. Kaito: What do you think you’re doing?! Saguru: I got the report back from the lab. The hair I got from KID indicated that he’s a high school student. After I compared KID’s data with other high school students’ data in the database… Kuroba Kaito came up in the final list. Kaito: That’s a coincidence. Saguru: Really? We’ll see soon enough. Let’s wait until the time KID is stated to come. [Some heist hubbub occurs as officers get into position even though KID hasn’t arrived at the heist time] Aoko: What? KID’s not coming? Saguru: Ha! It looks like I win! You’d better confess who you really are.

And from there, of course, ‘KID’ (Akako in disguise) swoops in and takes care of the heist. That more or less wraps up chapter 17, the first chapter where Saguru understands that Kaito is KID. And I would argue this is the most aggressive Saguru ever is. In fact, rather than persist in trying to accuse/capture/implicate Kaito as KID, he straight up vanishes from the narrative for several chapters.

Saguru doesn’t show up again until the Chat Noir heist, in chapter 25, when he calls from France.

It’s also important to note that at this point, Magic Kaito’s narrative has experienced a slight tonal shift. At the very least, while still often comedic, it reads less like a gag manga. Between the last time we saw Saguru and now, we’ve learned the apparent motivation behind Toichi’s murder, we’ve met Snake (an albeit rather incompetent villain) and Kaito has faced down gunfire and the danger posed by Snake and his men.

The way Saguru is portrayed has also shifted to reflect the shift too. Instead of a hulking antagonist-like character in a Holmes cosplay, he’s dressed primly and presents more as a cheeky but polite character. He’s also more effectively emulating the charm that the story tried to imply he had early on (“Hakuba Saguru, at your service!”, the girls in class fawning over him, the newspaper calling him out as a famous detective making a long-awaited return to Japan).

The interaction is entirely less antagonistic, too. For reference, I’ll paste the exchange (sans Saguru’s massive info dump) below.

[Third scene where Saguru makes direct indications as to KID’s identity]

[At the heist for the golden eye] Kaito: [Hiding in a bathroom stall while putting on a disguise] [His phone starts ringing] Hello…? Saguru: Hi, it’s been a while. Are you still alive? Kaito: [Thinking] This sugary yet obnoxious tone of voice is... Hakuba?! Saguru: You’ve made quite the stir in Paris. They’re all talking about how France’s Chat Noir is going to go up against you in Japan. Kaito: Idiot! It’s not me. It’s Kaitou KID! Saguru: Ha… it doesn’t really matter. I’ll share some information that I gathered over here. [Info dump cut from dialogue] Well! That’s about all I have to say. Do your best. I don’t want to see you lose to anyone until I capture you myself. Kaito: Like I’ve been saying, I’m not KID! Saguru: Oops, it’s almost time for the Paris Fashion Week. See you! Kaito: H-hey…

The only part of this conversation that I could consider to fall into the territory of antagonistic is when Saguru says “I don’t want to see you lose to anyone until I capture you myself.” And more than anything, I think this is less reflective of a real desire to capture Kaito, and more reflective of his competitive nature. Not to mention, within the context of the conversation, it feels much more like teasing than anything.

Saguru’s motivation for making the call is clear: He doesn’t want Kaito to lose, and he wants to help ensure Kaito’s success.

And most interestingly (although I’d like to see the raw manga to confirm this, or otherwise a more literal translation) he never explicitly calls Kaito KID either. Outside of alluding to KID’s actions, Saguru doesn’t explicitly say Kaito is KID or mention KID at all. It’s Kaito who does that.

When Kaito points out that he is not, in fact, KID, Saguru doesn’t argue. He simply brushes off the denial and shares the information he’s collected.

So, to summarize what we’ve covered so far: after Saguru failed to arrest Kaito during chapter 17, he stopped troubling Kaito so thoroughly that the next time he features in the story isn’t until he’s calling from overseas to try to lend Kaito some helpful information. He’s not even playing a part in trying to capture this thief he allegedly wants to catch.

And then, Saguru dips back out of the narrative, although for a shorter period this time. The next arc he appears in is a few chapters later--the Nightmare Heist which he arrives in the middle of. But, there’s not any interaction between him and Kaito, nor any allusions made by Saguru about KID’s identity, so we’ll move on.

The fourth time Saguru makes any indication that Kaito is KID is during the Corbeau arc, when KID is being challenged by a clad-in-black KID lookalike.

Before jumping into that specific scene, though, there’s another interaction I’d like to call attention to--between Saguru and Nakamori. Not because of something Saguru says, but because of what he doesn’t say.

Nakamori: Hahaha! Looks like you let your guard down because you thought I was at home with a cold! Saguru: Our plan succeeded, it seems. Nakamori: But I only told Aoko I had a cold, so how does KID know…? Saguru: Hm...

If Saguru were wanting to make some kind of accusation, even a non-explicit one, he would have made some remark. Instead, he doesn’t say anything at all, which continues to speak to the fact that he isn’t really interested in implicating Kaito.

Anyway, the next time Saguru makes any sort of implication that Kaito is KID he is, once again, trying to help. Last time it was over the phone, so the conversation was private. This time, the conversation is in a classroom, although based on the panels, it seems like Saguru and Kaito are alone at the beginning--or at least, no attention is being paid to them.

[Fourth scene where Saguru makes direct indications as to KID’s identity]

Kaito: [Talking to himself] It must be the case, there’s no other way. There must have been some trick with the case.

Saguru: [Eavesdropping, apparently alone in the room with him] The case didn’t contain any hidden mechanisms. Kaito: Eh? Saguru: No hidden doors or things like that, as are often used in magic tricks. Kaito: W-what on earth are you talking about? Saguru: A new notice from Corbeau arrived this morning. ‘I’ll come and take the real Midnight Crow tonight.’ My name is Hakuba--so I don’t want a ‘white’ person to lose to some ominous black crow. [From here, Akako and then Aoko jump into the conversation.]

Surely a classroom is a risky place to have a conversation about KID, but the nice thing is that Saguru--once again--doesn’t bring up KID at all beyond saying that he doesn’t want the ‘white[-clad] person’ to lose to the black crow. From the outside looking in, all he’s doing is sharing information about the case with Kaito. It may also seem unwarranted from that perspective, but not at all implicating.

Also, another thing I’d like to call attention to is that when Akako joins the conversation (and seemingly blindsides Saguru, as if he wasn’t expecting anyone else to join), Saguru stops talking. He continues to be quiet when Aoko chimes in, and he doesn’t have any relevant dialogue for the rest of the scene.

Once again, Saguru’s clearly motivated to share information in the interest of helping Kaito. He has to share with Kaito’s civilian identity, since he can’t exactly arrange a conversation with KID, and this is likely the easiest way for him to do it. He makes no accusations, and this time he doesn’t even imply he wants KID caught.

So--Saguru is a part of the narrative again, but since rejoining the narrative he seems less interested in actually catching KID and far more interested in helping Kaito. And no accusations or incriminating allusions have been made since chapter 17, before Saguru’s first hiatus from the story.

The final time Saguru nods to Kaito being KID is from the Sun Halo arc. This is probably the interaction that’s closest to what fanon tends to depict when it comes to Saguru making subtle accusations that Kaito is KID. And even then, I tend to take this arc with a grain of salt if only because it felt less like Gosho was trying to add to the story and more like he was just trying to make a Magic Kaito addition that hit various fan expectations while still being wildly disappointing, lmao.

[Fifth scene where Saguru makes direct indications as to KID’s identity]

Saguru: [approaching and commenting on Kaito’s motorcycle] I see, a Suzuki GSX 250R. Akako: Ah, Hakuba-kun… Saguru: You’ve shown me something interesting. Perhaps this might help the police tonight. And could it be that you’ve forgotten… that the only motorised bikes we’re allowed to ride to school are scooters? Kaito: Eh?! For real?!

Once again, Saguru doesn’t explicitly mention KID at all--and segues from his mention of the police to pointing out that Kaito is breaking the rules right now, actually, which helps blend this teasing comment into the conversation.

Yes, later in the chapter Saguru does show up with a team of motorcycle experts. But that also means there’s more disguise opportunities for KID and more factors to account for, thus complicating things for, well, everyone--not just KID.

Also, I tend to dismiss that as Gosho throwing in some comedy, and as less to do with Saguru’s character. Call it cherrypicking if you like :P

To recount--there are five times where Saguru implies Kaito is KID.

The first two are in chapter 17, when Saguru first puts it together, and it is during this chapter that he gets the most explicit about calling Kaito out as KID, as well as the most aggressively he behaves about it. And he backs off so hard after that doesn’t work, that we don’t see him for several chapters.

The next two times he implies Kaito is KID are both in order to help him. No aggression or accusations, just the sharing of information. Even when teasing or suggesting he’s interested in catching KID, he’s good-natured about it, and when he realizes there are potentially people witnessing the conversation, he stops participating.

The final time he implies Kaito is KID is a tiny comment about finding something Kaito has shown him ‘interesting’ and ‘helpful for the police’ before smoothing into gently teasing Kaito for bringing an illegal vehicle to school.

In conclusion, Saguru may start off apparently aggressive in part thanks to early Magic Kaito’s overall tone, but rather than persevering in trying to catch Kaito after cornering him in chapter 17, he actually seems to back off. Once he’s playing a part in the narrative again, when he interacts with Kaito it’s almost exclusively to help him. Yes, he is on the task force and participating at heists, but where it matters, he’s less interested in catching the thief and far more interested in those the thief is opposing (excluding the police force).

#hakuba saguru #saguru hakuba #dcmk #magic kaito #meta #nefrit talk

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huihuiheart · 3 years

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Flufftober 2021

Navigation

October 2021 Schedule

Please read before continuing: A new fic drops at 7am EST everyday. There will be warnings if necessary, some may have a tad bit of angst or something of the sort. In all though this will be your fluffy cliché fix for the month. All works will be SFW!!! All works will be tagged: Flufftober 2021

Continuation Requests: 0/3

Key: 💜 - Gender Neutral 💗 - Female Reader 💙- Male Reader

1. Home - Seventeen - Summary: No one is strong enough to do everything on their own. Luckily for you, you don’t have to. Not when you have an amazing safe place and just as amazing people in your life. - Warnings: Mention of beauty standards, negative body image, breaking point, mental/emotional break down, crying. - 💜

2. Moved In - Jacob - Summary: Not too long after moving in together you and Jacob have a little hiccup with your relationship. Nothing the two of you can’t get through though, especially when you two share the same two braincells. - Warnings: Mentions of a minor argument/disagreement. - 💜

3. Caught - Jisung (NCT) - Summary: Maybe getting caught in the rain with your crush wasn’t such a bad thing. - Warnings: Mentions of nudity (they get changed in the same house, but different rooms and never see each other naked apart from Jisung’s bare chest). - 💜

4. Tough Love - Yanan - Summary: Yanan is starting feel left out and it’s kind of making him regret getting you a kitten to love instead of him. He’ll get his attention soon enough though.Warnings: Scratches and biting (from a kitten), that’s it I think. - 💜

5. Rivalry - Mingi - Summary: Being the top two sports captains at the school meant that everyone had their eyes on you, of course sharing the spotlight wasn’t easy. Or at least that was the excuse you two made up for your little rivalry. - Warnings: Teasing, competitive nature, rivalry stemming from a secret crush, mutual pinning for a little bit, betting (literally just bet like a date), cursing, mentions of sex nothing explicit though. - 💜

6. Grand Opening - Kun- Summary: You’d been walking by the new bakery taking in all the wonderful smells and developing cravings for the mystery desserts, so of course you had to step in the day that they opened. - Warnings: Reader is blatantly flirting with him. - 💜

7. Flustered - Changbin - Summary: Ask anyone else and they would say that Changbin is much higher on the social food chain, and yet he wasn’t the one who seemed to have the upper hand here. - Warnings: None? - 💜

8. Thief - Yuto- Summary: Yuto’s finally figured out who’s stealing his clothes, and he’s not having it anymore. - 💜

9. Misconceptions - Q - Summary: Misconceptions and jumping to conclusions can cause all kinds of problems, but nothing you couldn’t handle. - Warnings: Slight angst, mentions of cheating (no one actually did there’s just a scare), cursing, crying, mentions of sex. - 💜

10. Rescue - The Boyz- Summary: The message they get from you has them panicking, but they’re more than ready to come to your rescue. - Warnings: Hospital themes, injuries. - 💜

11. Never too Late - Lucas - Summary: It had been a long time since you had last seen Lucas, but that didn’t mean that feelings had changed for either of you. - Warnings: Mentions of a breakup (years in the past). - 💜

12. New Thing - Seungmin - Summary: You and Seungmin were still new to being a couple, that meant you were still in the mushy stages. - Warnings: This is cliché and kind of cheesy. - 💜

13. Day Off - Yunho - Summary: Yunho and you finally had a day off together and he was very adamant on how he intended to spend it. - Warnings: None? - 💜

14. Fix a Heart - Jaehyun - Summary: You couldn’t just stand around and let Jaehyun suffer alone, not when you could do something. - Warnings: Mentions of a heart break, kind of one sided love, Jaehyun is drunk (wine drunk at that). - 💜

15. Homecoming - Felix - Summary: You and Felix decided it was time to visit your family, even after all this time he was still nervous about his impression though. Especially when you had news to share with them. - Warnings: Pregnancy. - 💗

16. Good Guy - Ten- Summary: Ten gets a little self conscious when he sees just how different he is from your ex. You convince him he has nothing to worry about though. - Warnings: Mentions of prison, mentions of exes, mentions of insecurities/self-conscious. - 💜

17. Teddy - Byungchan - Summary: Byungchan had been practicing late and it was starting to weigh on both of you, so you decided to visit him and try and convince him to get some well needed rest. - Warnings: Slight overworking. - 💜

18. Sleeping Beauty - Kihyun- Summary: Kihyun shows up unannounced, but you weren’t one to complain. - Warnings: None that I can think of. - 💜

19. Frosty - Yoongi- Summary: Yoongi knew you were stubborn, but at least that meant he knew you well enough to come prepared. - Warnings: None? - 💜

20. Something Different - Dino - Summary: Chan steps up to help you when you start feeling self conscious after a change in your appearance. - Warnings: Feeling self-conscious - 💜

21. Angelic Amaryllis - Hyunjin - Summary: When you first met Hyunjin you thought he was just an annoying, cocky playboy. Now you think he annoying, cocky, but also adorable as all heck. - Warnings: Hyunjin is a little playfully (annoyingly) cocky, and reader teases him a little bit. - 💜

22. Planning Ahead - Jungkook - Summary: Jungkook has been thinking about the future and he wants to be sure he has what it takes for what you two have planned for the future. - Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy. - 💗

23. Cuddle Season - The8 - Summary: It was easy to be clingier when the weather got cold, or at least easier to make an excuse anyways. - Warnings: None? - 💜

24. Puzzle Piece - Jongho - Summary: Something reminds you both how you fit together so perfectly. - Warnings: None? - 💜

25. Overdue - Jeongin- Summary: Some time just the two of you was long overdue and you weren’t going to let your boyfriend’s playful nature keep that from happening. - Warnings: Playful teasing, teasing threats, I think that’s it. - 💜

26. Morning Memories - Juyeon - Summary: Juyeon was lucky enough to snag you, but he’s not sure he realized just how lucky that made him until this moment. - Warnings: None? - 💜

27. Creative Process - Seungsik - Summary: You both had creative minds, drawn to your muse yet pulled apart by various schedules. The push and pull of your lives common place now, and something you found little ways to account for. - Warnings: None? - 💜

28. Happy Anniversary - Jeno - Summary: After three years sparks still flew the same way they did when you first met, as unexpected as this relationship was he wouldn’t change it for the world. - Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, heights. - 💜

29. Caught - Younghoon - Summary: You’d been missing your favorite hoodie for months, conveniently the same amount of time that Younghoon had been away on tour for. - Warnings: None? - 💜

30. Unexpected Surprise - Seonghwa - Summary: Trying to build onto your little family of two was proving to be harder than you thought it would be. Not that you could be happy like this, but you were just waiting for that little something special. - Warnings: Themes of pregnancy, trouble getting pregnant, some crying, being taunted and somewhat harassed by family members, cursing, some themes of self doubt, throwing up/morning sickness. - 💗

31. Petal Parade - Pentagon - Summary: When you’d accidentally shared something about yourself thinking it wasn’t that big of a deal you didn’t expect them to react like this. - Warnings: Some slight anxiety (like social anxiety), but I think that’s it. - 💜

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a-froger-epic · 3 years

Note

tw: mention of eating disorders

hey i read something about freddie having an eating disrorder, and I hate asking this but could you please explain if you know anything about it. my poor baby :(

Hey anon!

I’m sorry it took me a while to reply. This is a sensitive topic for many, so I wanted to take my time and give you the nuanced reply it deserves.

I’ve talked about this a little before, but I might as well take the opportunity now to speak about it at length. This is only my personal opinion based on everything I’ve read about Freddie and many different takes I’ve seen others put forward.

So, did Freddie have an eating disorder?

The shortest answer to that, as far as I’m concerned, is... maybe?

Before I carry on, I’d like to say that I think everyone is free to speculate about this and make up their own mind, as well as creatively explore this in their writing, and I don’t consider my opinion to be any more correct than anyone else’s.

Why do people think Freddie might have had an ED?

There are a few things about Freddie and food which could be interpreted as ED behaviours. First off, here is what Phoebe has to say about Freddie and his eating habits:

His taste in food changed over the years I was with Freddie. When I started the group of us would make monthly visits to the restaurant Shezan, an Indian eatery, in Knightsbridge. Freddie never had a menu as they always provided his favourite selection of foods without asking. As his illness progressed, his taste buds could not take the assault of spicy foods and he tended to more bland foods. He also turned his eating habits around. He used to have a lighter meal at lunch and then have a big meal in the evening, usually at a restaurant with a big group of friends. Towards the end he would eat more at lunch and a smaller meal in the evenings.

Nothing much out of the ordinary here, as far as I can see. Freddie definitely had favourite foods he enjoyed, but then, a common misconception is that people with EDs don’t like/enjoy food, and that isn’t true. Phoebe also says this:

As I have said before, Freddie was a very light eater. Some of us live to eat, but Freddie was one of those people who ate to live. He was the master of moving food around the plate to give the appearance of having eaten a good amount. He did enjoy good food, but really didn’t need to consume very much. He loved entertaining guests at meals in the dining room at Garden Lodge and was able to disguise his non-eating by making sure everyone else was ok during the meal. Don’t get me wrong, Freddie always ate enough to keep him going, but I can’t remember one time when he leant back in the chair saying ‘I’m stuffed!’

Now here we have a lot of things to unpack. There are three things in here - moving food around the plate to give the appearance of having eaten more, disguising his non-eating and never eating enough to be full - which are definitely known ED behaviours.

However, people who just do not care about food all that much and are light eaters do also exist. In fact, I’m one of them myself. I did struggle with Disordered Eating in my teens and my early 20s, but I have a healthy relationship with food now and I never like to eat until I’m stuffed because it’s not a nice feeling, physically, to overeat. I’m also someone who easily and genuinely forgets to eat when I’m in a creative haze. Just as an example.

Also, seeing as Freddie most likely was made to finish meals all throughout his boarding school times, like many children in lunch halls, which is usually not a great experience for children who are picky or light eaters, the “moving food around the plate to make it seem he’s eaten” could well be an old habit stemming from there.

Either way, Phoebe doesn’t seem too concerned about Freddie’s eating, and even though people with EDs are very good at hiding them, Phoebe did know him for a long time and very, very well. Phoebe could also be withholding information that he considers too private. All of that is possible, all of that is speculation.

There are other things which point to the fact that Freddie was definitely preoccupied with his weight/appearance. In this interview in 1974, he says:

“Oh really,” he exclaims in disgust, “this paper has no flair - I mean to print this picture three times in succession … and just look at my arms!” He was horrified, “look at how fat they appear, now my arms aren’t like that at all - what do you think?” He rolls up his sleeves for me to inspect and I’d like to state here and now that the poor dear’s arms are quite, quite slender!

The photo Freddie is most likely talking about, is this one:

It’s not a very fortunate angle, admittedly. So I think it’s possible to see where he was coming from, but even so, he was worried about his arms looking fat at a time when he looked like this:

Yes, it is important to keep in mind that people were generally thinner in the 70s than we are used to now. (Brian, for example, was also incredibly thin.) But in this picture it really is evident that Freddie was very, very thin at this point.

Other things which are often brought into the discussion around Freddie’s eating habits is the account of him throwing a fit when Brian ate one of his biscuits once, choosing to walk after a meal at a restaurant while his driver drove alongside him and his friends, eating cereal on the floor in his dressing room, this picture where he clearly prefers salad to chicken wings (unlike Roger “What Even Are Vegetables” Taylor):

All of the above, to me, are things which can be heavily read into but ultimately don’t prove very much.

And there is this bit from Mercury & Me:

The Sun did later print a photograph of Freddie taken while he was performing at the festival, which he didn't appreciate. It showed off "Flabulous Freddie" with a slight paunch, wickedly describing it as his "midriff bulge". When he saw the picture he looked at me and shook his head in despair. 'It's typical,' he said. 'If I'm slim the papers say I'm too thin and if I put on a little bit of a belly they say I'm too fat. It's a no-win situation.'

Now, that doesn’t give off the impression to me that Freddie was particularly distraught about that article, at that point in his life. But it certainly appears to have bothered him to some degree.

So what’s the conclusion?

To me, personally, it seems quite likely that Freddie did suffer from Disordered Eating in the early to mid 70s. That’s really not uncommon, sadly, although it usually afflicts young women more than young men. But he was in the spotlight and had to care about his appearance. He was clearly very preoccupied with it, not only when it came to his body, but his looks in general - there is plenty of evidence regarding that. He was very selective about which photographs of himself he did and didn’t like. However, I find it impossible to say just how much this preoccupation affected him exactly. 1974 especially was also a very taxing year for Queen. Their management was shit, they struggled with money, they almost lost Brian, their touring schedules were brutal, the press was bashing them, Freddie was struggling with his sexual identity. There were a lot of immense stress factors, and he could have very well been someone who responded to stress by not eating - just like others respond to stress by eating too much. And Disordered Eating is not classed as an eating disorder. It is, if you will, the beginning of one.

Or, he absolutely could have developed or already had an actual ED which he was hiding fairly well, and it could have affected him a lot, but nobody would have ever known because he would have been unlikely to ever speak to anybody about it.

Both is possible. I simply don’t think that there is enough information to do more than speculate on the matter, beyond: He had a preoccupation with his looks and minded what and how much he ate throughout his life.

However, in the second half of the 70s as well as the 80s, he was still thin but had started working out and looked more “athletic” thin rather than gaunt. I think it’s entirely possible that whatever issues Freddie had with food were not a constant thing but something that may have been worse and better at times, depending on his overall mental well-being and his levels of confidence.

Or, it could have been something that he always struggled with.

Again, as far as I am concerned, both is possible and I don’t feel I can say for certain. And so, my take leans towards Disordered Eating when younger and less preoccupation with it later on. That’s the impression I get.

But I wrote all this out so that others can make up their own minds, and rather than share my exact opinion, I encourage you to do just that.

#Freddie Mercury #Tw eating disorders #meta #ask response

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dizzydancingdreamer · 3 years

Text

What Am I? | Kol Mikaelson

Hello my lovelies! Am I back doing my thing where I write for three days straight and then go missing for three weeks? Probably! But I’m not one to complain so I’m going to ride out this streak of inspiration for as long as I can! I’m not sure if any of you had the joy to read any of the chaos between @activist-af and I but if you did than you know exactly how I feel about Kol. Perhaps this can be my ode to him. Until next time, all my love <3

Description: Kol finally breaks from all the years of feeling like the bad guy

Pairing: Female!Reader x Kol Mikaelson

Warnings: It’s angsty at the beginning but it’s fine

Word count: 2.6k

Tags: Angst, Fluff

P.S. I strongly recommend listening to Paralyzed by NF while you read this because I had it on a loop the whole time and it really sets the mood

(Pics not mine but mood board is :) )

“Kol, stop!” your lungs are burning, your legs numb from trying to keep up with him.

He storms across the compound, not quite at full speed but fast enough to ensure you have to run to keep up with him. His shoulders are tense, his eyes locked in front of him. You can feel the anger rolling off of him in thick, hot waves. You’re not a vampire by any means but you don’t need super senses to understand how dangerous he is at this moment. Whatever, you don’t care. He’s not going to ignore you, you won’t let him.

“Fuck, Kol!” you grab his arm, tugging with all your strength, “god damnit, stop walking! Talk to me!”

He yanks his arm forward but you don’t let go. Instead your body swings forward with his movements, bringing you closer to him than you’ve been able to get all day. You shake your head. All week would be more accurate. Your best friend has been avoiding you all damn week and you have no idea why. You’re done waiting for him to tell you. If you have to rip away every layer of him to get to the bottom of this, you will.

“Let go of me, y/n,” he continues to stare forward, his jaw tight, “I don’t have time for this.”

You scoff, trying to ignore the way your chest stings, “no time for what, Kol? Me? What on earth is going on?”

He just clenches his jaw tighter, looking to the side. This time your chest feels like it’s being cracked open. You let go of his hand, taking a few steps away from him. You don’t know what the fuck has gotten into him but you don’t like it, not one bit. This isn’t your Kol. Your Kol is sweet. This is a monster. You haven’t ever dared to think of him as such but today, you suppose, his true colors are showing.

“Who the fuck are you?”

The silence after your words is deafening but it doesn’t last long, seconds at the most. It’s like a dam breaks in Kol. No, that’s not strong enough. It’s like the tectonic plates inside him shift and it sends a tsunami storming to the surface. He whirls around, a myriad of emotions swirling through his eyes. He takes a step towards you, a darkness you’ve never seen hanging over his features. You take a step back, you're not completely stupid. You have no misconceptions about what’s happening. You’re the beach in this situation, and you’re about to get destroyed.

“You really want to know who I am?” He takes another step towards you, a tiger on the prowl.

You raise your chin but still step further away from him. He’s never hurt you before. Hell, he’s never even yelled at you. But today there’s something in his eyes, something dangerous, and you’re only a human. You grit your teeth, feeling much weaker than the front you’re putting on.

“I know who you are and this isn’t it!” you spit the words at him, hoping they’ll break through the storm that’s clouding his features.

He laughs but it’s dry; humorless. Your heart zaps again. He’s still moving towards you and you’re still moving away from him. This game of cat and mouse is slowly becoming lethal.

“No, darling, you don’t,” despite the circumstances you can’t stop the way your body sings at his term of endearment, “you don’t know a damn thing about me.”

You take another step back and freeze, your back colliding with the wall. Crap. You hold your arms out towards him but he doesn’t stop, closing the space between you and him even when your hands land on his chest. You can feel the heat rolling off of him through the shirt he’s wearing. He’s like a furnace, lulling you despite the clear threat he poses. You dig your nails into his chest, pushing back with as much fire as you can muster.

“Kol, please, you know that’s not true,” you back your head against the wall, biting your lip at the slight pain, “just talk to me. Please. You’re scaring me.”

You’ve never had to say those words before and you hate them but not as much as you hate the way Kol flinches, like he’s taken a bullet, and backs away from you. He drags a shaky hand through his hair, his eyes squeezed shut. Your breath hitches, your blood running cold. When he opens his eyes they’re glassy. If your chest felt like it was being ripped open before, now it feels like someone reached inside the crack and tore out your heart.

“I-,” Kol stares into your eyes for a moment before turning away from you, “you need to go. Now. Don’t come back.”

You can’t breathe, you're just stuck, glued to the wall while all the oxygen is sucked from the room. You’re helpless, watching him walk away. Your heart is in his hands but you can’t get it back. You can’t move. You don’t want it back anyway. It means nothing without him. You slide down the wall, your eyes glued to his retreating figure.

No. You furrow your eyebrows. No, he doesn’t get to walk away from you, not after this long. Who does he think he is? You push yourself up, a wave of red hot something flooding your entire being. It laces your blood with fire, one you’re pretty sure can only be quelled by the man walking away from you. You don’t think, you just go.

You clear the space between the two of you in seconds, your hands once more wrapping around his arm, “No, you don’t get to walk away like that. You don’t get to leave me, Kol Mikaelson! I won’t let you!”

He freezes, his body going tense. He doesn’t try and yank his arm out of your grasp again. You stare at him, refusing to look away, afraid that if you do he’ll disappear. He sucks in a breath, swallowing harshly. You watch his adam's apple bob and fight the agonoy eating at your core. Come on Kol, turn around.

As if hearing your thoughts he spins around, his arm breaking from your grasp. You don’t have time to feel anything from it, though, before he grabs your jaw, forcing your eyes to meet his. When you do you gasp, a chill running down your spine. His eyes are pitch black, nothing near their usual honey shade, and the skin around them is a sickly purple, dark blue veins running towards his cheeks.

He sucks in another harsh breath, his nostrils flaring and his chest brushing yours, “do you honestly think that I could ever leave you?” he laughs bitterly, his eyes flitting over your face, “I couldn’t leave you if I tried. But I need to. Don’t you fucking get it? I’m a monster!”

This time it’s you who flinches. You wrap your hands around his arm, clinging to him as his words pour over you. You can’t breathe again but this time it’s a little different. It’s less agony and more breathlessness. You tighten your fingers, trying with everything you have to anchor yourself to him.

“No you’re not,” you grit your teeth, meeting his harsh stare head on, “you’re not a monster, Kol! You’re so many things but you’re not a monster. You can’t be.”

His grip on your jaw lessens, his shoulders sagging. The black in his eyes begins fading, the veins receding and leaving nothing but his usual dark circles. Your heart clenches at the sight. He clearly hasn’t been sleeping.

“Yes I am,” he mutters, his voice rough, “all I do is hurt people. Fuck, I’m hurting you right now!”

You shake your head, trying to push back the flood of tears that suddenly blurs your vision, “No, Kol, you’re not,” your voice is thick, the lump in your throat a mountain, “you could never hurt me. Not in the way you’re thinking. You only hurt me by leaving me. Please, don’t leave me.”

His hand fully loosens as he slumps to the floor, your words the final push to his crumbling will. He buries his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. He’s crying. You are too, your heart in pieces at the sight of your best friend. The man you love. The best thing you’ve ever had now reduced to his knees. Pain explodes in your chest and your palms sting, an icy burn running up your arms and hitting your heart dead on.

He lifts his head, revealing bloodshot eyes laced through with hell itself, “I don’t even know who I am anymore. I can’t separate anything in my head. The anger and the hurt, all of it! I can’t remember where I stop and everyone else starts. Who the fuck am I?” His voice cracks and, with it, your heart, “I’m just this fuck up to everyone but I haven’t even had the chance fuck up!”

Your chest aches desperately for the man at your feet. You know what he’s talking about. A thousand years of life and yet only awake for a fraction of it. That would make any reasonable being crumble and it would take significantly less than a thousand years for most. You don’t know how the hell he does it. You haven’t died once. You’re only supposed to die once. He’s died a hundred times. Oh, Kol. You drop to your knees and pull him against you, crushing him to your chest to the best of your abilities.

“You don’t have to know who you are. I know who you are, Kol, and I’ve always known. You’re the strongest person I know. You’re my best friend. You’ve fought off death, and hunger, and your family. You don’t have to fight me off too!” you run your hands through his hair, pulling his face to meet yours, “you can rest now. You’re mine, Kol Mikaelson, that’s all you need to know.”

It’s surreal, to say the least, telling a vampire who he is. He should know better than anyone. After all, he’s supposed to have had a thousand years to figure out. Your chest squeezes painfully when you think of the years that were stolen from him. You run your fingers over his cheek, your thumb swiping some stray tears.

He leans his face into your hand and you sag against him, cool relief fighting the fire in your veins. It’s the sweetest feeling you’ve ever experienced. Kol wraps his arms around you, pulling you into him. Even when kneeling he towers over you, curling around you. You can’t stop the sobs from coming and you don’t want to, gripping his shirt painfully. A week's worth of fear and worry pours out of you and he takes it like the rock he is. Maybe you’re the tsunami and he’s the beach after all.

He slips a hand into your hair, tugging gently to make you look at him, “I’m yours?”

His eyes are red rimmed and full of something that makes you ache. His lips swollen and red. His hair, mussed from your hands and his, sticks up at all angles. It doesn’t make him look bad, though. No, it makes him look like a fallen angel. His skin catches the light, a golden hue painting his features, pooling in the circles under his eyes. Your hands tighten on his button down, if that’s possible, and you swallow hard. He’s yours and you aren’t letting him go, not for the next thousand years.

“Yes,” you nod your head hard, trying to drill into him how , “yes, you are. All mine. Just like me to you. I’m all yours Kol. Every part of me.”

His eyes darken again and the ache intensifies, curling around each nerve in your body and setting everything on fire. He’s no longer an angel. Who are you kidding, he was never one in the first place. He’s always been your demon, the one who crawled straight from hell to be with you. Looking into his eyes, you bite your lip, power surging through your veins. He survived a thousand years only to end up in your arms. His chest rumbles against yours, his hands finding your hips and hauling you into his lap.

He takes your face in his hand again, a little rougher than before but you don’t care, “all mine. Always mine, do you hear me? I’m not just some short term fling. You’re mine until the end.”

Your heart hammers in your chest, your stomach a ball of white hot need. It’s final, there’s no allusions now, not that there ever was any. You love him. With every fibre of your being you love Kol Mikaelson.

You move your hands to his face, bringing his face down to yours, “Until the end, Kol.”

You smash your lips against his as soon as the words pass your lips, your fingers dragging through his hair. It’s like silk under your fingers and you can’t resist pulling at it. He moans into your mouth, the sexiest sound you’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing, and squeezes your hip with his hand, bolts of lightning zapping straight to your core. You pull his bottom lip between your teeth, biting down hard. He meets each nip with one of his own, running his tongue over your bottom lip. His mouth is like magic, spreading a warmth through each of your bones, one that melds with the inferno raging through your being.

“Darling,” he moans into your mouth again, his arms wrapping around your waist, “fuck, I need you.”

You tie your arms around his neck and cross your ankles around his hips, pressing yourself as close to him as you can get. You can feel the hard plains of his stomach against yours, the heat from his chest seeping against your blazing skin. You crash your lips against his harder, his fingers digging into your hips and pulling incoherent muses from your mouth. You can’t get enough of him, he’s like water. Like oxygen. Without him you would most certainly die.

“Then take me, Kol, I’m yours. Please.”

His answer is a growl, one that sends more of the endless heat pooling in your core. There’s no way he can’t smell you right now. You can smell you. He must be fucking bathing in how much your want him. How much you need him. You run your fingers down his back, clawing at his shirt. He stands suddenly, jostling you against him deliciously. Before you can blink you’re in his bedroom, bouncing against his deep blue comforter. His room smells like him, like nutmeg and cloves, and it hits you hard, intoxicating you with everything Kol.

He pulls his shirt over his head, tossing it quickly to the side before settling over you. You run your fingers up his back, admiring the way his muscles tense under your fingers before pulling him against you. You wrap your legs around his hips, rolling against him hungrily. He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against his heaving chest. His nose brushes your cheek and you sigh, his lips finding your ear.

When he speaks his words whisper against your skin, sending toe curling shivers down your spine, “I love you. You hear me? I love you, darling. It’s you and me.”

You arch your chest against him, digging your fingers into his hair and pulling his lips to graze yours, “I love you, Kol Mikaelson. If you ever need to know who you are just remember this. No matter what else, you’re mine,” you press your mouth against his, using your tongue to punctuate the most important words you’ve ever said, “that’s all that matters. Mine.”

“All fucking yours.”

#Kol mikaelson #kol mikaelson imagine #kol mikaelson x reader #kol #mikaelson #tvd #to #the originals #the vampire diaries #fluff #angst #reader insert #y/n #imagine #tvd imagine #the vampire diaries imagine #the originals imagine #to imagine

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pretty-setter-bois · 3 years

Text

your outro

ONE YEAR LATER

“(Y/N)! GLAD YOU could make it!” atsumu notices you entering the restaurant, waving you over.

“hi, everyone.” you smile.

your friends from highschool are already here, after a month of planning to suit your busy schedules. courtesy of atsumu, of course.

“hey.” aran grins.

“hey.” osamu raises an arm.

“hello.” kita smiles.

conveniently, the only open seat is next to him. he shares his menu with you, although you end up ordering the same thing.

the five of you catch up, atsumu casually throwing in unnecessary yet amusing comments with osamu there to regulate him. of course, aran is there to keep the conversation going, too.

somewhere along the way, volleyball gets brought up into the conversation, leading into a one-sided debate between aran and atsumu. osamu pays attention for the fun of it.

“you okay?” kita casually whispers in your ear.

“why wouldn’t i be?” you tilt your head to the side. “we’re all together, we’re having fun.”

he stares at you for a bit, looking sympathetic. “you know it’s not all of us.”

you don’t reply. he’s right.

as much as the topic is better to avoid, it’s almost impossible to miss the fact that one of their old teammates is absent.

you try not to mull over it. after all, you did come here to have fun.

“it’s fine.”

“drinks for all of us!” atsumu declares, cutting your conversation short.

you chuckle, looking at kita once more. “let’s have some fun?”

he nods, directing his words to atsumu, “we need at least two of us to be sober.”

“me.” osamu casually offers.

“i’ll be the second. the rest of you, go all out.” he laughs.

kita’s laugh is nice. so are several aspects to him. in fact, it’s almost impossible for you to find flaws in kita.

as much as you do care for him (one will even go as far as saying you love him), you know you can’t get back in another relationship for at least a while.

kita knows that, too, and he’s very respective of your decision. that doesn’t mean the two of you don’t think it over every once in a while, though.

“(Y/N)! drink something!” atsumu says.

“unlike you, not all of us are free from work tomorrow.” you tease. “i have an important meeting.”

“you’re no fun.” he pouts, though you know he’s joking. “we’re here to celebrate!”

“and what are we celebrating, exactly?” you cock an eyebrow.

he pauses for a bit. “it’s been one year since our team participated in the olympics!”

“10 months.” osamu corrects.

“so what, i just forgot a few months!”

“you’ve been obsessing over the olympics for months prior to the event itself. you wouldn’t forget an important detail like that.”

“do i really need an excuse to hang out with my friends?”

“no, but if you’re going to come up with an excuse, don’t lie about it.”

osamu seems to have said something he shouldn’t have, because you can feel the slight vibration of the table as something hit it. atsumu instantly reaches for his foot, mumbling something incoherent.

although you never really understand what they fight about, the twins never cease to bring a smile to your face with their banter.

“it’s been a year since… (Y/N) became an independent woman!”

osamu sighs.

“too soon?”

another kick is sent under the table, this time hitting atsumu. he goes for his other foot, softly massaging it through the shoe as he insults his brother.

“if you keep that up, i won’t be able to use my feet.”

“you hit yourself the first time.”

“shut up!”

you chuckle a bit, and atsumu is relieved that the topic isn’t sensitive for you to speak about.

“to independant women.” you raise a glass.

“do independant women!” atsumu raises his, despite it being almost empty.

“to independant women.” osamu raises his glass of water, intentionally clanking into atsumu’s.

“hey!”

“to independant women.” aran grins, raising his drink.

“to independant women.” kita smiles, raising his glass of water.

the five of you simultaneously drink out of your glasses, despite the difference of liquid within them.

the men find themselves arguing over how to split the bill, and you find that as an opening to sneak outside.

as much as you do enjoy spending your time with them, there are times that you need for yourself.

you never think that you’ll find yourself staring at the same sky again, and you could have sworn that you promised yourself to leave behind this city.

it was hard, and you caved after a little over a year.

it’s also hard to believe that it has been that long. a whole three-hundred-sixty-five days, and you still haven’t gotten over everything.

“hey.”

speak of the devil.

“who thought i’d find you here?” the voice speaks again.

you turn to face the familiar tone, not surprised to find the one you left behind. he doesn’t look much too different.

“hi.” you say, not really wanting to indulge in conversation.

“so, what are you doing out here?”

“i could ask you the same.”

“just on a walk.”

a pause takes place. the both of you know that the conversation is awkward from the start. there are far too many unspoken words, far too much meaning behind them.

“you look great.” he says again.

“thanks.”

“you changed up your hair.”

“yeah.”

“i always liked it better when it was long.”

“i think it looks better this way.”

another silence. this one is a bit shorter than the last, but it’s long enough for you to decide that you want closure.

“how did things go with the olympics?”

“ended a few weeks after.”

a few words are missing from the context, but the two of you have managed to understand each other with no misconceptions.

he knows you’re speaking about her, and you know what he means when he says after.

“i’m sorry.” he mutters.

you’re holding yourself back from shouting at him, yelling that he can’t apologize after all this time from being away and what he’s done.

“was it a coincidence that we met here?” you say instead.

“no.” he sighs. “they told me they were busy tonight, and i made a lucky guess that you’d all be here.”

“you wanted to speak with me?”

“yeah. you needed some closure after all this time.”

“so will you answer my questions truthfully?”

“to the best of my abilities.”

“for how long?”

he sucks in a breath, “a few months.”

“for how long?” you repeat.

“three months.”

you nod, swallowing the lump in your throat. as much as you hate admitting it, crying was inevitable when you think of what happened.

“when did you meet?”

“that day i brought you to the jelly-stick stand, when i had to leave early.”

“what’s her name?”

“that’s kind of irrelevant now.”

you chuckle a little. then it turns into a full blown laugh, and you’re bent over your knees trying to catch your breath.

“i really, really wanted to believe that you had changed.” you say. “it’s not realistic for people to change, but part of me wanted you to. part of me hoped for you to.”

“i…”

“the same part of me that can’t get you out of my head.”

he faces you with his eyes widened, but you pay him no mind as you continue to stare up at the moon.

“i’m… i know what i did was wrong, but-”

“there isn’t a ‘but’, and you and i know that well.” you sigh. “as much as i still think about you, i can’t put myself through something like that again. even before that incident with her — and i don’t know her name because you’re not telling me — i was beginning to feel out of place.”

“i-”

“don’t say you’re sorry. you and i both know that won’t do anything.” you say. “but if you were right about something, it had to be that i’d become a shell of myself.”

he knows that what you’re saying has been on your mind for a while. “i understand what you mean-”

“you don’t understand, suna. i’ve never felt more free in my life than i do now.”

“oh.” he breathes out — he notes the use of his last name. “i didn’t realize i’d put that much pressure on you.”

“you’re smart.” you say. “you just didn’t want to realize.”

you are right, and he’s surprised to have seen you caught on. it’s hard to forget someone, someone you used to feel every emotion that you can possible feel towards. ten years of your life that the old you will claim to be the happiest, but the new you knows better.

“oh, yeah.” you shuffle for something inside your pocket. “i’ve been meaning to give you this, incase we met up randomly at a time like this.”

he’s handed the ring he gave you over a year ago, in almost pristine condition. you don’t wear it often, but that is a given considering the meaning behind it. it rests in his palm, and he makes no effort to put it away.

“(Y/N), you alright?” you faintly hear kita shout from the dark.

“yeah, i’m fine!” you shout back.

he’s too far away to see you, but the sound of your voice is enough reassurance for him to stay put.

“we’re finished with the bill, do you want us to come?”

“no, it’s fine. stay in the car, i’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“alright.”

“so, kita?” suna questions. “anything going on between you?”

“i don’t think it’s your place to ask.” you say words similar to his own when speaking of her.

“you’re right, my bad.”

“well, i should get going. it was nice to get some closure, i guess.”

“do you ever think about what could’ve been?”

you sigh, “we’re not having this conversation. you and i both know it’s futile.”

“you’re right.” he murmurs. “this must’ve been how you felt before.”

“what do you mean?”

when he doesn’t answer, you look up at his face. suna rintaro isn’t a very emotional person, so it’s a surprise to see small, subtle tears falling down his face — almost invisible in the moonlight.

“i really put you through a lot, huh? and i made you cry again tonight.” he sighs.

“i have to get going.”

“so this is goodbye?”

“yeah, i guess so.”

“will i see you around?”

“we both know the answer to that.”

you turn around, beginning to walk to the parking lot with heavy steps. before you can get very far, he calls out to you once more.

“katsumi sato.”

“huh?” you face him.

“that’s her name.”

a small pause settles into the air, with an accompanying breeze.

“like you said before,” you say. “it’s irrelevant now.”

you turn on your heels for the final time, your footsteps much faster than before. you don’t want any distractions or last-minute stops.

suna watches you go, wiping the small tears of his own. the droplets of water were but a fraction of what you had to endure for a long time, all because of him.

he should’ve known that the wholesome, friendly interactions the two of you had in highschool could never develop into anything more.

even if you’d gotten to know him more than anyone else, he should’ve never accepted your confession without thinking it through. he should’ve never kept moving on with the next step of your relationship just for the thrill of it.

after all, the relationship was doomed from beginning.

it was good until it wasn’t.

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TAGLIST ☆☎☂♔

@stfucanunot @sunaswife @sredamancy @kiyobbie @kairebear-4evr @youngestdelacour @kara-grayson04 @anngelllla @tycrackculture @kingkagss @heyatsumu @kathya420 @gladly-olus@hxneybee-uwu @1lluminat3 @heyitzwolf @pharvhs @asdfghjkl7things @tinygremliin @pelicanpizza @xfangirl-trashx @nintendoutoori @toaster-stick @nit-sir-hc @daphnxy @kageyamasgirl @kiyoomisproperty @velociraptorenthusiast @ohrintarou @mariand @phixoseusarmy @oranoyaora

NOTES ♕❣⁂ღ

hello, everyone! firstly, i would like to thank everyone that has commented and left asks about the story, all of you really kept me going! at some point, i lost all inspiration for this story and even considered discontinuing it, but i coudn’t. it’s been a nice journey between the innerworkings of a toxic relationship, and i feel like i can... truly understand what the mc feels like now (i don’t know if that makes sense?). again, thank you for sticking around, and i hope to see you all in the next series i have planned!

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firefly-in-darkness · 4 years

Text

Misconceptions - 7/12

Characters: Y/N, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Marcus (OC).

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Series Summary: Bucky Barnes overhears a conversation that he shouldn’t have… and now he regrets his reaction…

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Angst, jealousy…

Beta: The always lovely, Stacey - @princessmisery666 // all mistakes are my own.

A/N: So this is a slightly longer part, of course, there is more angst and insecurities in this one, it’s not coming up to the surface just yet but this pair might, just might be stepping in the right direction...

Catch up with the series here: Misconceptions Series List

Return to Firefly’s Library & Masterlist

Previously: Marcus’ cheeks dusted a light pink and Y/N was glad she hadn’t lost her touch. Maybe that only applied to the Super Soldier. Her charm and flirting seemed to have caught Marcus’ attention, so maybe it wasn’t her after all. He punched in the number and called his phone, the little chime from his pocket confirming it had gone through. Handing it back to Y/N just as Sam jogged over to them.

“Are you ready to get your ass whooped, Y/N?” he chuckled, giving her a toothy grin.

Y/N tilted her head with a mischievous pout, “Oh boy, someone’s had their cocky pills today.”

Y/N did a last-minute touch up on her deep red lipstick, catching a slight smear in the corner with the tips of her fingers. With a blend and pout, she laughed at her reflection and tousled her hair to give it less of a rigid look. She hadn’t been this excited about going out with a guy in a long time; he was attractive, had a similar sense of humour and she didn’t have to pretend to be someone else.

Dating while also being a spy was tough, especially when it came down to disappearing without a trace for weeks on end. After a few years and a certain Super Soldier came into her life, she gave up on dating. She focused on one-night stands, or a short fling with no potential to quiet the thoughts of her and Bucky Barnes ever being more than friends.

And tonight, was not going to be any different, except this had potential, it could lead to something more. She shook her head and rolled her eyes - she was getting ahead of herself -grabbing the leather jacket off the hook.

Walking to the full-length mirror, Y/N fastened the belt looped through the black skinny jeans, pulling the blouse slightly out of its tucked state. Once her jacket was on, she grabbed her small handbag, checking its contents and exhaling a deep breath.

She strutted through the hallway and into the elevator, hitting the button to take her to the basement. The doors chimed, and she walked out into the underground parking lot to find Marcus leaning against a black Audi R8. A sweet smile bloomed across his face and he opened the car door for her. The heels of her boots clicked on the concrete, and with a reciprocating smile, she eased into the passenger seat.

Sam lounged on the couch, one arm resting along the back of the seat. His attention was captivated by the film playing on the large screen until he was interrupted by the second most irritating person on the planet, second to Spider-Man.

“What do you want Tin Man?” His head rolled to the side.

Bucky had been pacing up and down the corridor, and after a few minutes, it had grated on Sam’s last nerve. He tapped the remote, the movie paused. The super soldier charged into the room and sat on the footstool, blocking the view of the television. Sam glared at him; cheeks dusted pink, his bottom lip chewed raw, eyes skittish.

His eyebrows pulled together and he leant forward, “What’s up Bucky?”

“Have you seen Y/N? She’s not in her apartment. She’s not answering my texts. Or calls.”

“She’s on a date with Marcus.” Sam picked up the remote and shuffled back to get comfortable again.

“She doesn’t hang-” Bucky’s eyes widened, “She’s on a what?”

“A date man, you know those things that people do when they find someone they’re attracted to. They go out for drinks or dinner, maybe even just meet up for sex. You never know with Y/N.” Sam chuckled and played the movie again.

“But aren’t you dating her?”

Sam screwed up his face in disgust, “What the hell man? No, that’s gross! That’s almost incestuous.”

Bucky felt like his head and heart were going to explode. Y/N wasn’t dating Sam. Sam wasn’t dating Y/N. Y/N was on a date with Marcus. Who the fuck was Marcus? Bucky cursed himself and collapsed onto the seat beside Sam, a hand dragging down his face. I’m such an idiot.

Sam flicked off the television, “What made you think that?”

“The night Y/N was taken, hostage. Well, I kinda overheard your conversation on the phone. There’s no kinda about it. I heard you two talking and I may or may not have got jealous which resulted in me overreacting.”

Sam’s brow furrowed once more, “What exactly did you overhear?”

“Well, she wished you were there, that you were driving her crazy and that she loved you.” Bucky gruffed, “Then I saw the picture you have of her on your phone. And then you were all protective and wouldn’t let me see her.”

Sam sat up straighter and turned to him. “You’re both a pair of idiots. She wished I was there because she gets too wrapped up in you. She would do anything for you, and you wouldn’t even have to ask.”

Bucky’s mouth gaped and he stuttered just as Sam raised his hand, a stern looks on his face.

“She was telling me what she’d say to you. If you had given her the chance to tell you how she felt. Damn, she drives me crazy, talking about how crazy you drive her.” Sam shook his head, “We do love each other, like family. That’s why I didn’t let you see her straightaway. Not only was she held hostage, but you also dangled that woman in front of her, brought her back to the suite and showed Y/N that you didn’t care about the mission or her safety in the slightest.”

Bucky huffed, “I wasn’t dangling anything, I was trying to get my mind off Y/N and you two being more than friends. I didn’t do it to be an asshole, Sam.”

Sam glared at him, “Well you ended up being one anyway. Maybe next time, you should both talk to one another. Because I am not having this conversation with you both again and her crying to me or coming up with excuses to avoid you. You’re supposed to be adults, act like it and use your damn words.”

Bucky spoke to himself, “So I should tell her how I feel?” He leapt up from the sofa, “Thanks, Sam.” His appreciation echoed down the corridor as he raced back to his room, a plan forming in his mind’s eye.

Y/N hiccupped around the rim of her wine glass before she held it out with a harder wave than she intended, the liquid sloshing around “And that was the day that I realised I loved James fuckin’ Buchanan Barnes. So, now it’s your turn. Tell me about your crush.”

Marcus chuckled, knocking back the dregs in the bottom of the pint glass. “It’s this girl I’ve known since college. I don’t know if she’s interested though.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, a sad pout on her face, “Aww Marcus. Why aren’t you out there- y’know, courting her? Have you seen yourself? What is there not to like!”

“I dunno, but I could say the same about you.” Marcus raised his eyebrow, pointing at her with the empty glass. “Another?”

Y/N nodded, a huge grin on her face as she watched Marcus head back over to the bar. She sank down into the booth and giggled to herself. She clamped her hand over her mouth. Only I could go on a date with a guy that fancies someone else. A glass of wine appeared in front of her and Marcus slid back into the seat opposite.

Marcus’ face suddenly lit up. “This might be a little crazy, but do you wanna go dancing?”

“Yes!” Y/N fist bumped the air, “we can try that club Marquee, I’ve always wanted to go there.”

Bucky had almost worn away the carpet in his apartment with his pacing, waiting for Y/N to return home from her date. He was hoping to catch her before she went to sleep but as the clock ticked by, negative thoughts began to niggle at the back of his mind. What if she likes him? What if she kisses him? No, she wouldn’t do that. But then again, she might go back to his place?

A deep sigh filled the space, and with eyes closed, he tried to clear his mind. It’s just nerves right? As he inhaled for a few seconds, he heard the familiar sound of Y/N’s footsteps padding down the hallway outside. In a flash, he’d opened his door and tentatively stepped out to find her swaying from side to side, attempting to open her own door.

As he approached, he spotted the jacket hanging loosely around her shoulders. That’s not hers. Then she flashed him that bright smile, he spotted the way her lipstick was nearly non-existent, her hair wilder than ever. His heart dropped to his stomach at the thought of Y/N with another man, he’d never worried before until now.

“Heeeey Barnes.” Y/N whisper shouted as he came closer.

His heart thumped against his chest; the sweet smile she threw his way made him grin back.

“Need a hand?” Bucky gestured to the door, obliging with her little nod.

She stumbled through the door, kicking off her boots at the same time. For a moment, she paused, relishing in the plushness of the carpet underneath her feet, “Well are you coming in or are you just gonna stand there?”

Bucky followed Y/N into the room, his plan now completely out the window. “You okay doll?”

She shrugged out of the jacket, “Yeah, just happy! And maybe a little bit drunk.”

Without hesitation, Y/N lifted her blouse over her head. Her breasts, held in white lace, were on full display. Bucky’s eyes didn’t explore her bare skin but spun around to face the other way. His heart thumped in his chest. What the hell is she doing? His thoughts were cut off by a huff and whine.

“Buck, help.”

He turned around to see the blouse half off her body, one arm out, face covered by the material, “What on earth-?”

“One of the buttons is caught in my hair.” Her free hand dropping to her side with a slap.

Bucky knew she’d rolled her eyes; he didn’t need to see her face to know that. He guided her to the edge of the couch. Encouraged her to sit down and sat beside her, he began untangling the strands that had gotten caught. Bucky breathed in the sweet scent of Y/N’s perfume; he could feel the warmth radiating off her skin. He was intoxicated by her.

“Are we friends Buck?” Y/N whispered. He wouldn’t have heard it if he didn’t have the serum pumping through his veins.

“Of course, we are.” Bucky untangled the last piece and lifted the blouse.

Y/N turned to face him. “So why don’t you want to spend time with me anymore?”

“We spend nearly every day together,” Bucky’s stomach dropped, his loss of control in this situation gnawed at his esteem.

Y/N climbed out of the seat and marched into the bathroom. Bucky sat on the couch frozen for a moment then wandered over to Y/N’s drawers, picking out her pyjamas. With a light tap on the door, she opened it and collected the items without a word. He knew she wasn’t happy, that he had made things worse and he didn’t know how to fix them.

Y/N stared into the mirror, her make up now washed away and her hair thrown messily into a hairband. In the time it had taken Bucky to untangle her hair and for her to put her bed clothes on, she’d sobered up and her mind raced with embarrassment. Come on Y/N, you can do this. It’s only Bucky, talk to him. She pulled her shoulders back, standing tall and confident then marched out the room, turning off the light to find him perched at the end of her bed.

Bucky looked up immediately, “So are you going to tell me how your date went?”

Her head tilted to the side, a slight frown at the hint of malice in his words and joined him on the bed. “It was a good night; it was what I needed.”

She caught the ragged inhale beside her, the slight clench to his fist as his arm whirred to life. Is he jealous? No way, he’s not interested in me like that but, just maybe. Y/N shook away her thoughts and turned to face him, her leg tucked beneath the other, her knee brushing against his thigh. Her heart hammered but she remained as calm as she could as she felt the warmth radiating from him.

“We got drunk and danced the night away.” She waited for him to turn around, but there was no reaction, his eyes remained on his fingers woven together.

Bucky stood up; his jaw clenched. “And then you went back to his?”

Y/N’s stomach dropped at the animosity in his words. “So, what if I did?”

“I can’t stand the thought of you with someone else! Laughing like we used to, hanging out every weekend. And being each other's person. You’re my person.” Bucky raise his voice, his chest heaving with anger.

“Well we haven’t exactly been talking a lot lately.” She stood in front of him, arms crossed.

Bucky’s voice was softer, “That’s because I thought-”

Y/N held up her hand to interrupt him, “You know what? I’ve had a really good night. I do not want to ruin it by fighting with you, so can we stop?”

Bucky rubbed the nape of his neck, eyes locked on hers and wondering whether to push the conversation further or not.

Y/N didn’t give him a chance to decide, “Actually, I’m asking you to leave.”

Bucky’s stomach dropped, “What? Can’t we talk about this?”

Y/N couldn’t face him, she still had alcohol in her system and the memories of Bucky sweet talking that woman into bed that night rushed to the forefront of her mind, the tears she had cried afterwards and the vow she made not to cry over him again.

She shook her head and shoved at his chest, though she knew he wouldn’t budge until he moved on his own volition. The anger boiled in her veins. How dare he?! He had no claim over me. She pulled back, stepping away from him.

“Leave, right now! You have no right to be like this.” She gestured up and down, “You don’t get to act like this because someone is interested in me.”

Y/N refused to confess how the date had really gone, his reaction was enough to cement the idea that Bucky thought nothing more of her than someone he could use to make himself feel better. There wasn’t even friendship there anymore.

Bucky sighed, dragging his hand down his face, “It’s not like that. Y/N, I’m-”

“Save it. For the last time, get out.” She didn’t even look up at him as she walked over to the door and opened it

Bucky followed her request, guilt washing over him at the anger and hurt on her face. He turned around to attempt at another apology but was greeted with the door shutting in his face.

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Everything Taglist: @reann-loves-sebstan

Misconceptions Taglist: @supraveng / @iheartsebastianstan / @jessyballet / @likeit-or-leaveit / @inspocollective-blog / @ladifrickinda / @wintersoldierissucharide / @michelehansel / @danietoww04 / @booboobella01 / @thefandomimagines / @justreadingfics / @socalgem1124 / @a--1--1--3 / @notyourtypicalrose / @winterboobear11 / @justlovelifeblog / @polireader / @hailmary-yramliah / @rainbowkisses31 / @gooddaykate / @moonybarnes / @samthemarvelfan / @unlikelygalaxygiver / @youaremyfiveever / @hennessy0274-blog / @hola-mishamigos-its-marvel-time / @babydollofbarnes / @bonkywobble / @weird-mumbling / @mela-nichen / @beardburnsupersoldiers

#Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes Fic Series #Bucky Barnes Fic #Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes Fanfic #Bucky Barnes Fanfiction #Bucky Barnes Angst

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justatiredghost · 3 years

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Living for the Moment Ch12

A series of glimpses at Klaus’ life if he’d met Dave in his mid 20s. His life isn’t magically transformed, love can’t fix either of them when they’re both homeless and in a bad place. They’re not even really ready for a relationship yet. But maybe a supportive friendship can set them on a better path, the two of them inspiring each other to take care of themselves. It’s going to be a long and bumpy ride, and the question is, when will they actually admit to themselves that they have feelings for each other?

Read More AO3

Klaus woke first. He certainly wasn’t a morning person, but the sound of the city coming to life around him had become something of a wakeup call out of necessity for him. It was usually best to be up and out of wherever he’d happened to fall asleep before anyone else could come to. He never knew when someone was going to be angry, confused, or just start accusing him of something he probably definitely did.

But that wasn’t the case today. Sure, they needed to clear out before anyone could come by to hassle them, but for once he wasn’t worried about the company. He looked down to find Dave curled against his chest and couldn’t help the slight smile that tugged at his lips. It was nice, seeing him so at ease. The world was never really safe for people like them, but at least he could watch Dave’s back and give him a moment’s peace.

He froze at that thought. It was so easy to forget when he was with Dave. Out here, it was everyone for themselves. He could barely afford to watch out for himself, let alone anyone else.Their situations were at least a little similar, was it the same for Dave? He certainly didn’t act like it, at least not when they were together, and he didn’t really know what that meant.

Maybe they worked because they were two people with nothing to offer. But that wasn’t completely true. Klaus knew better than most that everyone always had something to trade when it really came down to it. So what was it about him that Dave could possibly want? And why hadn’t he already asked, or tried to take it at the very least? Maybe he was playing a long game? Or maybe Klaus was just being paranoid, trying to ruin one of the few good things in his life because he wasn’t used to good.

Why was it always like this with Dave? Klaus didn’t care about anything. He couldn’t. It was just him and the drugs and everything else was just background noise. But Dave had somehow managed to wedge his way past that and Klaus was so close to revealing his hand, losing his guard completely. Dave was just too kind, too easy to talk to. Then again, could anyone really be this nice?

He was tempted to scold himself for starting out the day all suspicious, but then, that’s in large part why he was still alive. He had to stop brooding, though, because it was only a matter of time before someone stumbled across them, so they had better get moving.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” Klaus said, shaking him slightly.

“Mmm, five more minutes,” Dave mumbled, and Klaus couldn’t help but laugh

“I’d love to, but I’m afraid I have a confession. I can’t feel my arm.” Klaus indicated the arm Dave was currently lying on.

“Oh good, because I have a confession too,” Dave said, sleepily. “Your elbow is digging into me. I suppose this means we should probably get up.”

He looked up at Klaus, then, but as he did so, his eyes widened in surprise. They were much closer than he’d apparently thought and he hesitated, a dusting of pink across his cheeks. There was no missing or explaining away the way his eyes darted down to Klaus’ lips, lingering a moment too long, before he scrambled back and away from him, face crimson.

“I am so, so sorry,” Dave said earnestly.

“What?” Klaus said, sitting up, wondering what all that was about. It seemed like an overreaction, he certainly didn’t mind getting checked out.

“I just don’t want to ruin things between us. I know I already had a chance and blew it, I just don’t want you to think I’m gonna make it all weird because I have a crush.You’re my best friend, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

He was babbling a bit but Klaus was, for once, too stunned to respond immediately. Where was he even supposed to begin with all of that? What chance had he blown? Best friend? Crush? At least he could divert things with a little teasing.

“Are you saying you have a crush on me?” Klaus asked, amused when Dave turned an even darker shade of red. “Aww, that”s so gay!”

“Shut up,” Dave pleaded, hiding his face in his hands. .

“Wait a tick, roll it back. I never said I wasn’t interested. Where’d you get that?”

“Oh,” Dave said in realization. He rubbed his face in frustration. “I am so stupid. I got super wasted on the second date, and that made two dates in a row that had ended horribly with you, I just figured I’d ruined any chance I had. Besides, I’m pretty sure I threw up on you. I can’t really remember.”

“You didn’t, which actually puts you ahead of most of the people I’ve been with,” Klaus said cheerily.

“I am such an idiot,” Dave groaned, covering his face again. “I think I’m just gonna bury myself in the ground now.”

“That might make it a little difficult to flirt,” Klaus said with a wink.

“Don’t make fun of me,” Dave groaned.

“I’m not, I swear,” Klaus said, raising his hands in surrender and chuckling.

And here he’d only just come to terms with thinking Dave wasn’t interested. He was getting a bit of emotional whiplash. He couldn’t believe that Dave had done such a good job hiding it. Usually Klaus was much better at spotting this kind of thing. It gave him a sinking feeling, for some reason, even as he grinned and put on the charm. At least this was something he was used to. He knew how to handle this.

Things had been too good for too long, so he supposed it was about time the world righted itself. Now Dave would finally get what he wanted and they’d go their separate ways just like everyone else. It was a lonely feeling, but he stomped that down. This was how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to be on his own.

“Man, to think we could have been having fun this entire time,” Klaus said, hoping to move things along. “I’m surprised you never made a move.”

“I didn’t think you wanted me to,” Dave said, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact. “And, um— I’m kinda ace, so, you know, casual fun isn’t really on the menu, if you know what I mean.”

That left Klaus a little speechless. If not casual fun, what else could Dave possibly want? “So, wait, what about in the beginning? You seemed interested enough.”

“Yeah, I was. I mean, I am. I don’t really mind sex. I mean, I don’t ever get the urge myself, which I know can be a dealbreaker for some guys. But it can be fun every once in a while with the right partner. I just have never been very good at keeping feelings out of it. I guess, in the beginning, I was hoping you might be as interested as I was in—“ he waved a hand, trying to come up with the right word for it, before finishing lamely, “something.”

“And then you found out I’m not the dating type,” Klaus finished. Dave actually looked doubtful, like that wasn’t what he’d been thinking at all, but he continued on anyway, desperate to find some sort of solid ground to stand on. A proper relationship was not something he could give him. “I get it, I can be quite the charmer, I know. Glad you learned better and we could clear that all up.”

“Okay,” Dave said, looking a little confused and a little disappointed.

“But I do have a question,” Klaus continued.

“I thought you might, most people do,” Dave said, taking a deep breath. “Go ahead.”

“Do you have the names and addresses of the people who told you your asexuality was a dealbreaker?” Klaus asked, cracking his knuckles threateningly. “I think I’d like to pay them a visit.” He couldn’t imagine anything being a dealbreaker with Dave. Especially not his asexuality or how often or seldom (or not at all) he felt like having sex.

“No, no,” Dave laughed, waving him off. “It’s fine, really. I think it can be scary for people who don’t get it. I don’t feel sexual attraction, but some people interpret that to mean that I’m not actually attracted to them specifically. And no libido doesn’t help with the misconception.”

Klaus fell silent then, not sure what he was supposed to feel. A part of him wanted this, didn’t he? He liked being appreciated, wanted. But only superficially. He was supposed to be temporary, not sticking around long enough for anyone to get attached. But he’d messed everything up by sticking with Dave for so long.

Feelings always made things messy and got people hurt. And he didn’t want to lose Dave. Or hurt him. And it was just so hard to believe he could genuinely be interested after everything he’d seen of him. Dave wasn’t as much of a disaster as he was, he should know better. What did all of this mean for them?

“Sorry,” Dave said suddenly, bringing him back to the present and making him realize he’d been quiet for too long. “I’m sure you didn’t really need to know the ins and outs of my sex life. I think I’ve embarrassed myself more than enough for one day. Can we go back to before I made it all weird?”

“Everything’s weird with you, but that’s okay,” Klaus said, all too eager to grab hold of distractions. Anything to stop thinking about the jumble of emotions inside him.

“Come on,” Dave said, hurrying to his feet, obviously grateful for the change in topic. “I made friends with the guy who throws out old produce at the grocery store. We should be able to get breakfast there so long as we keep a low profile.”

“You’re asking a lot, but I’ll give it a try.”

Why was it so easy for Dave to disarm him? Even when he went in with his guard up, he ended up trusting him anyway. All he knew was that once they parted ways, Klaus was going to get high. Very, very high.

#klaus hargreeves #dave katz #klave #klaus x dave #umbrella academy #the umbrella academy #fanfic #living for the moment #so sorry this took so long!#i really struggled w how this should go #also #i tend to accidentally overexplain asexuality in fic #bc I'm used to doing it irl #so pls let me know if I'm doing that here!#this is a narrative! I need to keep things moving!#i don't need to write an essay on the ins and outs of asexuality and how some people experience it!#also i'm ace so you'd think it'd be easier to write someone coming out #my fic

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dessarious · 4 years

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Misconceptions, Miscommunication, and Misinformation Pt63

Inspired by @ozmav Maribat AU

AO3 Beginning Previous Next

When Drake rolled his eyes it took all of Damian’s self control to not either attack him or go get the Horse Miraculous and shove him into outer space. He was saved from committing murder as Ladybug came in through the window. Drake’s shocked face was incredibly satisfying as Ladybug walked to stand shoulder to shoulder with him. The sheer disdain on her face as she looked at the caffeine addict brought a smirk to his face.

“You told her who you were? That’s something we need to know Damian.” The chiding tone, as if he was talking to a spoiled child, just made Damian want to hit him again.

“She figured it out on her own. I don’t see how it’s necessary information for any of you since you’re not supposed to be here. Not to mention you all refuse to give me information I need to know to do my job so why should I do you the courtesy of keeping you informed?” He could practically feel Ladybug vibrating with the need to scold him for being rude but she kept it in as a show of solidarity. He appreciated that more than he could express.

“We do not withhold information that you need Damian.” Even Ladybug narrowed her eyes at Drake’s tone.

“So I’m just imagining the time you all neglected to tell me there was a mass break out and I walked into a meeting between Scarecrow and the Penguin. Or there was the time you were all running a sting with Catwoman and rather than telling me you switched to a different comm frequency so I wouldn’t get in your way, so when I needed backup to deal with the Riddler I couldn’t contact any of you. There was also the time-”

“That’s enough Damian. This is a subject that should be discussed in private.” Damian just gave a derisive snort. What he meant was it was something to be discussed when he had backup. They were all hypocrites.

“Then that discussion won’t be happening for a while.” Ladybug’s voice was firm and Drake actually looked taken aback. He’d seen her take on the Justice League, this really shouldn’t surprise him. “Damian is an integral part of my team and I won’t leave him alone with you since it seems likely that one or both of you will be Akumatized if you remain in the same space. You have a choice. Either accept our terms for staying or I’ll send you back to where you came from.” The finality in her tone caused Drake to pause.

“Damian is a minor, he can’t just stay here on his own.” It was obvious Drake was trying not to be patronizing and failing miserably.

“I know of at least two families that are willing to host him. One of those being the Mayor himself.” Damian had to struggle to hide his shock. When had she arranged that? Or was she bluffing? He didn’t think she was bluffing. He could practically see Drake’s mind working, trying to find an argument. Ladybug just rolled her eyes. “Kaalki, Tikki merge.” A flash of light and her costume had a slightly brownish tint. “Voyage.”

The portal opened and she shoved Drake through before giving Damian an exaggerated bow and gesturing for him to proceed her. He rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the slight smile on his face. It vanished when he stepped through and into the Batcave. This wasn’t going to be pretty.

-----------------------------------------------

Ladybug stepped through the portal and dropped Kaalki’s transformation, immediately giving the Kwami sugar so she could leave when she wanted. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting, but this certainly wasn’t it.

She was in a cave, an actual cave. For some reason she’d always assumed that the Batcave was more of an honorary title. This was… not what she’d been expecting. She turned her attention to the people staring at her, most of them in pajamas except an older gentleman in a suit. Also not what she’d expected. She turned her attention to Bruce Wayne trying to channel Chloe so she didn’t pass out.

“Care to explain to me why you suddenly decided it was a good idea to go against my wishes and send another of your team to Paris?” Bruce frowned at her in confusion before turning to a man that looked to be in his mid twenties.

“I thought you said you texted Damian to get this cleared.” The younger man, who was dressed in robin themed pajamas and ridiculous slippers with bats on them, pulled out his phone.

“I did, here see for yourself.” He passed the device to Mr. Wayne who read it before rolling his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“This is a draft, you never actually sent it.” The man’s eyes went wide and she would have laughed at his horrified expression if she weren’t trying to maintain a professional demeanor. Mr. Wayne turned back to address her. “I apologized for the inconvenience, but surely you understand my position. I can’t allow Damian to remain in Paris alone.” The look on Damian’s face said he was seconds from murdering someone.

“First of all, he’s not alone. Second, you let him remain in the home of our top suspect for weeks without feeling he was in danger. Third, I will not have someone who refuses to even hear, let alone consider my terms stay in Paris.” That caused everyone else to look at the one Damian had referred to as Drake.

“Damian insisted that I keep information from you, I couldn’t agree to that.” None of them seemed sure how to respond to that.

AO3 Beginning Previous Next

Ko-Fi

Tag List

@noirdots @valeks-princess @chocolatecatstheron @krispydefendorpolice @bee-wrecker @kanamexzeroyaoifangirl @northernbluetongue @paradoxal-occurance @scrumptiouslyelegantchaosqueen @sonif50 @thequestionablyhuman @persephonebutkore @elspethshadow @geekydragonyt @mmwolf1605 @da-tasuky @mjisntme @bluerosette23 @anjuschiffer @littleredrobinhoodlum @tazanna-blythe @resignedcatservant @schrodingers25 @seraphichana @persephonescat @punstoppablechatnoir @magicalfirebird @crazylittlemunchkin @corabeth11 @cyborgcandy @casual-darkness @shamefullove @miraculous-simmer7 @tamoni112 @cat181818meow @littleblue5mcdork @allthebooksandcrannies @enchanted-nerd @disneyfoxuniverse @fallinginthe-void @mandy984 @goggles-mcgee @fontegagrilledcheese @dorkus-minimus @theatreandcomicfreak @zerotosiki @ayuchan07 @mindfulmagics @urbanpineapplefarmer @winter-gardenflower @mooshoon @my-name-is-michell @melicmusicmagic @7-sage-7 @hypnosharkrebeldreamer @alicesangelofmusic @caffeinetheory @nataladriana9 @multplelifes @wanderingreader1019 @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @mvaree @redscarlet95 @storyteller-d @howabouticallyou @ginamarie1512 @kurogaya913 @tbehartoo @maddrag @two-faced-biatch @senyahgirl @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @iloontjeboontje @kakashixobito @welcometopradasa @amirahevens @amlesi @miraculousbelladonna @virgil-is-a-cutie @18-fandoms-unite-08 @cupcakeandkisses @angelofmusickaterinapetrova @book-r-the-best @dur55 @moonlightstar64 @fertileleaf @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @thecaptainthunder @danielslilangel @novicevoice @nyaabinch @interobanginyourmom @welcometopradasa @charlietheepic7 @im-here-for-the-content @maya-custodios-dionach @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @starwindmaden @tired-butterfly @rogueptoridactyl @emeraldpuffguide @suzen23smith @yuulxd @animegirlweeb @alovelyocean @kris-pines04 @semaalcocer-blog @cadencehood @jardimazul @shethecat @silent-storms-posts @simplysslytherin @tog84 @thesunanditsangel @dast218 @tall-and-angry @the-alice-of-hearts @captainmac6 @theyellowfeverexperience @chrismarium @alessialeone6997 @heaven428 @tinyterror333 @smolplantmum @lilyellowink @naoryllis @katiegardneriscoolerthanyou @magewriter @doodledeerest @athena452 @peachedpocky @tired-butterfly @risingmoonyue @lunammoon @mylife-demonstrates-murphys-law @bobothyross @silvergold-swirl @loysydark @heaven428 @peachedpocky @hauntedwintersweets @awesome-starfish-and-tacos @silvergold-swirl @rosesgonerogue @castielsofficialtoothbrush @myazael @aestheticnpoetic @creator-josie @sturchling @snowstar1016 @myblacknightworld @kittycatwowmeow @midnightkaito @chylou34 @hufflejournals @indecisive-mess-named-me @uwuteamleader @sassakitty @jessigurl-design @demigodgirl20031 @freshbark @soup-served-chilling @elmokingkong @unknownvsworld @thatonegaybitchfromschool @tis-i-beanbandit @damianette-is-life @peachesbackup @nobodyw8s4evr

#maribat #marinette dupen chang #damian wayne #bffmaridami

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looniecartooni · 3 years

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DGM Theory: Could Komui Lee be on the Autism Spectrum?

Warning: Spoilers and clunky theory (I haven’t done something like this in a long time and it is nearly midnight). I am not an expert on Autism nor do I know if the author is either. The only credentials I have is I have friends and have known people on the spectrum and I was given a hasty diagnosis at age 7 of a “slight case of Asperger syndrome” (a “milder” form) and have some relatable qualities with Komui. I do not intend or mean to offend anyone on the spectrum nor do I mean to insult the character. I’ve just seen a couple people do a thing like this with characters like Lilo from Lilo and Stitch and Santana from JoJo’s Bizzare Adventure and even a couple Steven Universe characters. I’m just a little copy cat who thought they could throw another character in the mix that maybe people can relate to instead of the generic Sheldon Cooper/ Good Doctor kind of representative. And who knows... maybe I’m wrong and he has ADHD or something. But of course... in the end it won’t matter because in the end, Komui will just be Komui. No labels attached. This theory will not change that in any way. Komui is Komui and we love him- so let’s dive in!

(Also- sorry. No pictures this time. Its too late at night to find any)

For those who are unfamiliar with the Great Komui Lee, he is the branch chief at the European Black Order. He however spends a lot of time in the Science Department, helping out with research and making sometimes very weird and crazy inventions that tend to annoy the whole order in some way. But he has 99% of the scientists’ respect. The other 1% is murderous rage...

People think he’s weird and crazy, sometimes even fear him. But they still respect him because under all that goofy hyjinx and over the top personality is a caring Branch Cheif who has done his best to make sure the order is a lot safer and nicer than it was for its residence and staff (including his sister who he went there for).

One characteristic of Komui that I personally think is a sign of Autism (or at least something I relate to) is what appears to be special interests.

Those familiar with D Gray Man know Komui isn’t very fond of doing his job. So much so he had to get an assistant to make sure he did his job. Before that, the Science Division had to make special handcuffs to make sure he didn’t run away a super long distance.

What Komui would rather do is make robots based in his image to “help” members of the science division (usually becoming the cause of much chaos with at least one exception when another one of his other inventions got into the wrong hands and the robot kind of helped out). He thinks very dearly of these robots and hates seeing them get destroyed, even if they hurt his beloved sister.

*side note: There are sometimes misconceptions that Autistic people can be seen as self centered. While this may not have been the author’s purpose in creating the character- she probably just wanted to make Komui more fun and silly with making his creations based off his own image as joke, it kind of ties into this theory. It has been displayed quite a few times that Komui isn’t self centered which I shall get into later.

Speaking of his sister, Lenalee Lee, could also technically be seen as something (or rather someone) he prioritizes care on. The reason Komui ever joined the order was because the order took his sister away from him and performed horrible experiments on in order to make her an Exorcist (soldier of the order who fights Akuma for those unfamiliar). While that in itself may not be an Autistic trait, the degree he goes to express his care for her could be.

Many times Autistics are misinterpreted as stoic and lacking emotion (even putting it as a symptom on some websites). But as Autistic Youtuber Princess Aspian puts it, Autistics can be sometimes more emotional or overly emotional (okay- those aren’t her exact words, but you get the gist). Komui will burst into tears and hug his sister at the very mention of her ever getting married (a common anime trope for dads and older brothers of girls, but as mentioned before he gets emotional with his robots too).

Relating back to this, he goes above and beyond to keep his sister safe. You can��t ever breathe a word that you may have an interest in Lenalee or else yo may receive a good whacking from one of his robots. Bak Chang (another branch chief who has a bit of a creepy obsession with Lenalee) was faced with numerous traps when simply trying to give her flowers. Who took the time to put up all those traps? Komui. Who joined a corrupt organization, changed it up, and works hard despite hating the work at said job because he knows his sister is a chosen Exorcist and therefore wants to make her feel safe and happy? Komui.

Another thing that makes Komui seem like he could be on the spectrum was the fact he did start off as anti social. Naturally, having your last living family member who was only four taken away from you by a mysterious church organization would make you very bitter. According to an off panel “ask the characters questions” kind of thing (called “Komui’s Discussion Room” that he never shows up for) Komui wasn’t always the friendly, emotional, unintentionally-havoc-reeking goofball we all know and love. I don’t have all the details (and neither does the author- she’s setting up something- I know it!) but it took a very friendly and active cook named Jery to help break him out of his shell. And according to another off panel, he and that chef are best friends.

One thing personally I’ve seen and relate to is sometimes the fact that while someone on the spectrum may seem anti social, they either just don’t want to be bothered as their focused on something else, or they just need a friend to relate to or help break them out of their shell. (*side note- please ask your friends or potential friends if they’d like to talk to you before trying to break their shells. Give them the option before forcing yourselves upon them. They probably would like to talk, but they also might be focused on something else. They are humans after all). Komui had a lot of years of guilt and anger built up in him and probably kept it to himself so the Order wouldn’t know why he joined. To have someone open up and be nice to him probably made him not only be able to be the Komui he is now but also really brighten up the Order. What’s more, he’s supposedly very attached to this friend as well, going as far as occasionally helping in the kitchen. I guess we can thank Jery for Komui being friendly and kind (Jery needs more respect guys!!!)

(Holy cow this is getting long! I’mma need to make more parts...)

I wasn’t sure at first I could have a lot to go on, but now thinking about it more and more, I think I have a lot more to go on. Now I’ve mostly related this part to myself and stuff I’ve heard in comparison to Komui’s demeanor. I’m going to nrrd to do more research, but I’d love to hear what you guys think. Do you think Komui is on the Autistic spectrum? Could it just be trauma? Is he the Autistic idle we all need represented in our media?

Share your thoughts and research and I’ll try to make a part 2!

#d gray man #dgm manga #dgm theory #dgm #komui lee #autism #aspergers #komui #dgm komui #autistic characters #possibly autistic

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avengersassemble-fics · 4 years

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Lost and Found

part 08/10 “a battle on coruscant”

masterlist

previous part

word count 4.8k

an: guys we’re getting into rots timeline im..... well im at a loss for words. sorry this part is a lil shorter, but there’s quite a bit of information in here, and also some choice statements that will mean a lot going forward. what will you catch??

spotify playlist to listen to while reading

The Clone Wars seemed to be at its peak. Several weeks had passed since your rescue from Dooku’s flagship, and your training with the Jedi was put on hold since both Obi-Wan and Anakin were put back into action. Anakin was hailed as one of the greatest generals of the Grand Army of the Republic, whether that was something to be proud of or disheartened by, you were never too sure. Over these last few weeks you grew more and more uncertain with the things you say. Not only from the Council, but the Senate as well.

Be weary of who you trust.

The warning you were given what seemed like a millennium ago kept passing through your mind at the strangest of times. It could be when you were mediating, standing in on a briefing, or as Anakin’s fingers grazed across your skin. It was sudden and unyielding, but you didn’t want to worry him with such things.

Anakin Skywalker. After the night the two of you had it was as if you were inseparable, only being pulled away from one another if he was sent out on a mission, or if you were. How you came to lead a battalion under the 501st legion was still beyond you (you figured it was desperation from the Council), but it did occasionally happen. Mostly you were kept on world under the watchful eye of Master Windu, and served as a kind of protection team for the Chancellor. If not him, Obi-wan was the one you answered to the most.

This time was no different. A few days ago Obi-Wan and Anakin were sent to the outer territories to Yerbana because of the large Separatists hold on the planet. You were stationed here with Master Corobb to protect the Chancellor once again. You found yourself looking out the window of your apartment watching the air traffic speed by. You closed your eyes as your mind drifted the one person you wished was here the most. That’s when you felt a warmth spread over your cheek, as if he were there with you right now.

Your connection with Anakin was stronger than ever. It was only amplified the more time you spent in your shared quarters (though no one would ever know he too spent his nights here under your sheets). He was thinking of you too, and you wished there was enough time to contact him before your captain arrived. Just at the thought of it your door chimed to signal his arrival, and you gently placed a hand over your cheek, knowing he would feel your hand over his.

You turned to your door and grabbed your robe from the chair before the door could open to reveal none other than Fives himself. He held his helmet to the side of his hip and gave you a nod as you stepped beside him, and you proceeded to walk side by side the Clone trooper.

“So captain,” you greeted, which earned a grumble from your side. “How are the men doing?”

“They’re itching to get off this planet,” he replied and you smiled. “We got word that the siege of Yerbana was a success.”

“That’s great,” you said, relief filling your heart. “Once the rest of the legion returns, I’m sure they’ll see action again.”

“That’s what they’re hoping for,” Fives said as you both neared the transport to the Senate building.

“And what are you hoping for?” You asked him as you grabbed hold of a bar to hold yourself up as the transport sped through the city.

“I’d like to captain a little longer, General,” he said. You shook your head.

“Who would’ve thought all those months ago that this is where we would be?” You thought out loud. Maybe it was more to yourself. You didn’t truly believe these last few months.

The transport came to a stop outside the Senate, just like every day since Anakin’s departure. Fives was the first off followed by you, and you watched as he placed his helmet back on his head and turned to you with a thought.

“I knew when you got us all out of that cave, General,” he said. You gaped at him a bit before offering him a smile. Fives nodded at you before heading over to a group of troopers waiting for his command. With a deep breath you started into the Senate and headed for the Chancellor’s chambers. It was an all too familiar walk, up staircases and then up a turbolift. You nodded at the few Senators who greeted you, and ignored the weight of your lightsaber on your hip.

Once the lift opened you were met with the sight of Masters Corobb speaking with the two guards that always stood outside his excellencies chambers. Always dressed in red, the sight of them made you feel uneasy, but you chose to ignore how their looks made you feel and made your way down the hallway.

“Master Corobb,” you greeted with a slight bow of the head. He nodded back at you and pulled you away from the guards to say something to you in private. Or as private as this hallway could be.

“Have you heard?” He asked, and you raised a brow at him.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean-”

“The Separatists have outranked us in numbers,” he whispered, glancing back at the guard before he spoke again. “Their fleets have come out of nowhere.”

You had grown accustomed to Master Corobb’s shall we say conspiracy theories. You had heard it all from space being an imaginative state to this war being a fabric of misconception. At times you wondered how he had gotten this far with the Jedi, surely his insights would have warranted dismissal or removal. But you felt too terrible to disregard his words, instead you were saved by the beep of your comm puck.

“I’m so sorry,” you said as you pulled the device from your pocket. “It’s Master Kenobi.”

Master Corobb waved you off and you walked further back towards the turbo lift before laing the comm puck in your palm, and from it Obi-Wan appeared in a transmission.

“Master Kenobi,” you greeted, though his state of distress made you raise a brow. “I heard Yerbana was a success.”

“Anakin had an insightful plan under his sleeve,” Obi-Wan stated and you suppressed your smile. “We’ve been rerouted to Mandalore for an. . Unforeseen meeting.”

You raised a brow at him, “I don’t follow, Master.”

Obi-Wan sighed, and you noticed he lowered his voice a bit, “We received a transmission from his previous Padawan. There’s a lead on Maul.”

You blinked at his words, unsure of how to process it. You couldn’t hold your thoughts for long and shook your head, “Well isn’t that a good thing? The Council has been after Maul for quite some time.”

“That’s part of the reason I was contacting you,” he said. “Is the Council currently meeting? I can’t get through on their wave link.”

You shook your head, “No Master, they-”

Your sentence was cut off short when the building shook around you, like an earthquake. The windows rattled and lights flickered for a moment as you steadied your stance on the floor. You turned your attention back to the Chancellor’s chambers and watched as his guards entered the room.

“(Y/N),” Obi-wan’s voice called to you a number of times. You looked back to his transmission. “What’s going on?”

Your eyes went to the window as you stared out and up to the sky. There were a number of Separatists ships in the far distance, and explosions rained over the protective barrier the Defense Fleet was connected to above. You heard Obi-Wan call your name again when you saw what looked to be vulture droids start to enter the atmosphere.

“What is going on?” He voice called for you again.

“We’re under attack, I’m sorry-” You cut the transmission off and ran back towards the Chancellors chambers, the doors parting easily for you to enter. Inside the two red clad guards were engulfing the Chancellor from his seat, Master Corobb making his way back over to you.

“We must get him to the safehold,” he commanded you and you nodded, pulling your wrist up and activating your comm.

“Captain, we’re moving the accessory to-”

You were cut off mid sentence when the doors to the Chancellors chambers opened to reveal the culprit of these attacks. You had never seen him face to face, but the stories of General Grievous did him real unjustice. He sent a tingle down your spine as both you and Master Corobb pulled your lightsabers off your hips.

“I should have known that foul stench was you, Grievous,” the Jedi Master said. Grievous seemed unfazed, wearing what looked to be a cape around his neck. Master Corobb took a stance before the Chancellor, and his lightsaber ignited the room in a green hue. General Grievous took a couple of steps in, reaching beneath him for two lightsabers on his own.

“You’ll just be another one to add to my collection,” his raspy automated voice said, igniting a blue and lightsaber of his own. Master Corobb deflected Grievous’ first hit, but turned to you to tell you to get the Chancellor out of there.

You nodded and ushered the two guards out into the hallway, hearing the strikes of lightsabers behind you as you followed them down the hallway. The turbolift began to open and the sound of another lightsaber made you grab the Chancellor, watching in despair as his two guards were cut down before you. You narrowed your gaze at the man behind their fallen bodies, and moved the Chancellor so he stood behind you.

“Dooku sent you to do his dirty work again, I see,” you nearly growled. Dash looked from the bodies that laid at his feet to your stare and positioned himself to face you fully.

“My Master has other business to see to than acquiring your weak leader,” He deadpanned.

You grabbed the lightsaber from your hip and positioned yourself defensively. Dash watched as you gripped this newly acquired double bladed lightsaber, and watched the same white light ignite from it.

“I see you’ve made upgrades since we last saw one another,” he quipped.

You gripped the lightsaber with both hands and it pulled apart easily, now becoming a double wielded weapon. You could see a flash in his eyes, and smiled at your apparent nemesis.

You lunged first, alternating each arm to attack him but was met with his blade instead. He had determination in his eyes, but so did you. The flicker of lights that were made when his red met your white created what could only be described as lightning. Just shear cracks of lightning.

When your sabers connected with one another, you pressed firmly against him. Both of your faces were exceptionally close to the hot blades, and Dash whipped his arm to open your stance more. His quick movement made the tip of your sabers hit the glass paneling of one of the windows, and it burst on impact. The wind that swarmed the room made everything whip around you, and a cold darkness entered your mind. You tried to blink your eyes to refocus on the man before you when you felt a firm grip form around your neck. It was like you were picked up from the ground and your arms fell to the side, dropping your lightsabers to the floor. You gasped for air as Dash held you there as he walked closer, the air escaping your body with each step. It wasn’t until he was close enough to you did he mutter a word your way.

“You’re lucky my Master requires you alive, or I would kill you right here,” he said, his eyes dark and tone low. You tried to shake your head in confusion when he flicked you away towards the window, and you grabbed onto the broken edges of glass. You gasped at the sudden rush of air, your eyes looking down at the drop below you. You were quick to look back up to see Dash grab the Chancellor, and use his lightsaber to puncture the glass on the other side of the hallway. Above you heard a large ship rumble into place, and watched in shock as Dash forced the Chancellor onboard, General Grievous not far behind. The short ramped closed behind them and you squinted as the ship began to fly away.

You squirmed, the glass cutting into your palms as you tried to pull yourself up back into the hallway. The sound of footsteps from the direction of the turbolift caught your attention, and Fives and another trooper came into view. Fives set his blaster down before he grabbed a hold of your arms and pulled you up to safety. You flinched at the blood you felt covering your hands and looked to the now empty chambers. You rushed over and the doors opened, only to reveal what you knew in the pit of your stomach.

Master Corobb was dead.

Anakin was high strung throughout the entirety of their trip back to Coruscant when he felt your struggles. He felt the tightness at the back of his throat and the itchiness in his palms, and was worried as to what it meant. When Obi-Wan came bursting into the hangar with the news of the attack on Coruscant, he felt his heart stop. He didn’t want to leave his Padawan, but the Chancellor needed him. You needed him.

That’s why when the fleet exited hyperspace and he saw the amount of ships out there he felt even more worried. When news came of Master Corobb’s death he felt his gut twist. He knew you were assigned with him, and as he climbed into his ship there was still no word on your involvement. He just needed to know you were safe or okay.

What happened in that span of minutes? Or was it hours? Everything happened so quickly he wasn’t sure. He killed Count Dooku in cold blood. It wasn’t the Jedi way, but the Chancellor told him it was only natural. He reminded him about his mother and it made him uncomfortable. It wasn’t the Jedi way then, nor was it now. And now he desperately tried to save his Master as well.

Maybe it wasn’t the best plan, to send a Separatists flagship crashing into the home of the Republic, but it was the best he could do under these circumstances. He eased the ship out as much as he could when the ship skid across the landing strip, rocking everything and everyone inside.

“Another happy landing,” Obi-Wan said to lighten the mood. Anakin panted and sent his Master the most devilish of looks.

“Funny, Master.” Was all he said.

Seeing the landing from the outside made people stop and stare in wonder and fear. Fives and yourself exited the Senate building to watch the ship enter the atmosphere and shred so much of the outer plating it would take weeks to recover. You shook your head at the image of the ship coming in closer and closer until Fives spoke next to you.

“Who in the world would try crash landing a Separatist flagship?”

“I have two guesses,” you mumbled, but earned a look from your Captain nonetheless.

“Can’t argue with you there, General,” he said.

It had taken you a while to calm down after the events of today. Grievous and Dash had bested you, Dash once again, and it was your fault the Chancellor was taken in the first place. What you couldn’t place was the presence you felt in your mind or in your body. It was cold, dark, evil. It was unknown and worried you. Even as you sat there and let one of the Clones wrap your hands up to cover your cuts, you thought about the presence in your mind.

Seeing the transport that birthed the Chancellor along with Anakin and R2, you watched from inside the Senate building as The Chancellor was welcomed by Senator Organa and Representative Binks, and began to make his way back inside. Your eyes went back to Anakin who ended his conversation with Obi-Wan to follow the group inside.

He must have felt your presence, because you saw him dash away into the shadows where you stood, and soon enough he engulfed you in his arms. He knocked the wind out of you as he picked you up to hold against his body, and your fingers latched into his hair. It had only been a few days since you saw him, but you couldn’t help the burn in the back of your throat. Anakin held you against him like he was afraid you’d disappear. He was afraid. He had to feel you against him to know that this was real, that you were alright. But he set you back down so he could cup your face in his hands, and place a long kiss to your lips.

Your hands held his arms as you drank him in. His lips lingered over yours as his eyes searched your face for some kind of answer.

“Are you alright?” He asked first. You nodded against his hands.

“I’m fine,” you whispered, and that’s when he looked down to your bandaged hands. His face fell as he softly caressed your hands in his. “I heard about Dooku-”

“I shouldn’t be praised as a hero,” Anakin said lowly. “He should have been brought before the Senate.”

“Ani,” you reached for his face and watched as his eyes fluttered shut at your touch. This man would be the death of you with how precious he was. “You saved the Chancellor’s life today.”

Anakin nodded at your words and leaned down once again to catch your lips with his. This kiss was different. It wasn’t needy, it was a kiss of love. Understanding. Like he needed to believe your words were true.

When he released you he gently stroked your cheek with his glove covered hand. These were the moments you had grown to cherish with him, even if it meant hiding in the shadows. It was short lived though, as your comm beckoned you once more.

“That would be Obi-Wan,” you mumbled to him. Anakin placed a quick kiss to your forehead before he gripped one of your hands with his.

“I’ll see you tonight, my love,” he whispered. He backed away until your fingers slid away from him, and only then did he smile and turn out of your view. You stood there for a moment with a smile only for yourself. Although you felt some tension in him, he hid it well. It worried you at times that you seemed to be the only one who could truly ease him of it, but it wasn’t something to worry about right now. The Council needed to speak with you. And it was probably about today’s events.

Dread filled you the further you got towards the Council’s Chambers. It was like you were young again and were about to face the corrective wrath of your mother. You shuddered at the thought before the chamber doors opened before you, and the hushed room watched you enter. It was silent and eerie the way they looked you over, even Master Kenobi studied you from afar. What was going on?

“Tension I feel,” Master Yoda quipped. “Relax, you may. No trouble you are in.”

You nodded a bit as you took your place before the Jedi council, your hands placed behind your back as you focused your attention on Master Yoda and Master Windu. The latter looked to be pondering a question, and finally he set both hands down on the armrests of his chair.

“What did you feel today?” He asked.

“You felt it as well?” You asked instead. Master Yoda nodded beside him.

“An evil force we felt,” Master Yoda confirmed and you felt your shoulders drop a bit. “During the attack.”

You thought over his words, though you knew they watched your eyes dart over the floor. You took a deep breath and met their gaze again. “I did feel something, like it was in my head. . It was cold, dark. . It was overpowering.”

“And is that when Dooku’s apprentice and Grievous were able to obtain the Chancellor?” Master Windu asked. You nodded, a small yes escaping your lips.

“Troubling this is,” Master Yoda said. “The reach of a Sith that far, never seen before.”

“The Sith Lord,” you mumbled to yourself, looking back to the Masters before you. “You think the Sith Lord is the one behind the Separatists?”

“It certainly wasn’t Count Dooku,” Master Windu said. “He was always a follower, never a believer.”

“So. .” you trailed off, unsure of what they wanted. “What do we do?”

Master Windu and Master Yoda glanced at one another, and a nod was shared between them. You fought the urge to raise a brow at the two Jedi, but they looked back to you swiftly, and you pushed your thoughts down below.

“We’d like for you to meditate with Master Kenobi again, and see if you can learn anything about this Sith Lord,” Master Windu stated. The lack of Anakin’s involvement made your stomach drop, but you nodded in compliance. Maybe it was better that Anakin wasn’t a part of this in the long run. He didn’t need to worry himself with another thing. But you were going to ask Obi-Wan about it.

“Of course, Master,” you responded and earned a nod back from him.

“Tomorrow you will meet,” Master Yoda motioned for Obi-Wan to join your side. You listened as he stood from his seat and came over to your side. “Dismissed you both are.”

With another bow of your head you turned towards the door, Obi-Wan following in your footsteps. Once you were far enough away and the door to the chambers closed shut did you finally turn to your companion and he stopped in his tracks.

“Before you even say anything,” Obi-Wan said before you could start your thought. “The only reason the Council has decided not to have Anakin join us is because of what happened last time.”

Hm. It wasn’t. . A bad argument. You were at a loss from words, honestly it was one of the more insightful decisions the Council has made to date.

“We shouldn’t keep this from him,” you nearly whispered. “He doesn’t like secrets, you know that.”

Obi-Wan sighed and rubbed his beard a bit. “You’re right, but approaching the subject may prove tricky.”

You smiled a bit and pat Obi-Wan’s shoulder, “Leave that to me. I got this.”

By the time you had returned to your apartment, the sun was beginning to fall, but Anakin hadn’t returned from the Senate yet. You peeled your robe off and folded it neatly to be washed, and placed your lightsaber on top of your dresser. You flipped your hands before you to look at the bandages that still covered your hands, and slowly peeled them off. As the air hit the still raw cuts you winced, but threw the bandages in the trash when you heard what sounded to be a speeder just outside. You edged towards the door that separated your room from the rest of the apartment. You stayed in the shadows until the speeder left, and only anakin and you remained. You stepped around the door and was met with Anakin’s back to you, and you felt something was off. Anakin starred off at the traffic speeding by and you took a careful step towards him.

“Ani?” You questioned. His head lifted a bit and then finally turned to you. He had no smile, just a stern look on his face. You stopped in your tracks to take him in fully. “Ani what’s happened?”

Anakin took a few steps to you before he extended his hand for you to take. You took his hand as you always would and he led you towards the couches that filled the center room. He sat down and pulled you with him, and you faced him in bewilderment. You had only seen him this pensive on a small number of occasions, and waited for him to speak.

“You’ll hate me,” he mumbled. He focused his attention on your hands, turning them over in his gently when he realized the tender cuts that were there.

You found yourself shaking your head, “I could never.”

He fell silent. You watched as his eyes trailed over your hands in his, and he just held them in his lap. You didn;’t know what to say, or what was going on. Had Obi-Wan told him about today? Had someone else? What was going through his mind--

“Padme is pregnant.”

Though still not meeting your gaze, you stared at him in shock. You blinked a few times as his words floated around your mind. The Senator was pregnant, and he said you would hate him. . Which could only mean. .

“And. . That would make you. .”

“The father,” he mumbled. “Yes.”

Well that certainly blew your news out of the water. You felt yourself drop your shoulders and looked to his hands as well as you processed things. Of course he told you about their relationship a while ago, but he had never mentioned. . That. Not that you would have wanted to know most likely but you never pictured- okay no. Not picturing that. Do not picture that. When you looked back up you were met with his eyes, a dark blue under his tired eyelids.

“So. . So what does this mean exactly? Do you want to be with her?” You asked in a whisper.

Anakin’s face scrunched up and he moved closer to you, his hands running up your arms. “No! No I don’t want to be with her,” he tried to reassure you. “You are my future. But. .”

He trailed off and looked down at your hands once more. “She doesn’t want to raise the child here. She wants to return to Naboo, have the baby there.”

A sad smile fell on your lips. “That sounds wonderful, Ani-”

“I told her,” he cut you off. “About us. You. What you mean to me. . She’s happy for us. She asked if you would come too.”

He met your eyes when he said it, and your mouth fell open as you took his words in. There was no doubt in your mind that you thought about what would happen after the war ended, what it meant for you and Anakin. Of course you had yet to discuss it, it was so early so it was more of a “What will happen to me?” and “What will Anakin do?” You hadn’t considered “what will we do?”

“After they brought me here, I thought about you every day,” he started to explain, reaching for your hands once more. “For years. It was all I could think about, when I would get to see you once more. I thought about the life you lived, if you were as beautiful as I remembered,” his fleshed hand extended to caress your cheek and you smiled softly at him. “When I returned to Tatooine it was because I started to have these visions about my mother, and the pain I was in. I thought I would have more time to search for you but I didn’t. I regretted that everyday.”

“Ani-”

“Please,” he begged you, his thumb rubbing over your skin softly. “I need to tell you this.”

You nodded a bit and Anakin nodded before continuing his story.

“The time I spent with Padme was nice, she’s a terrific person, I’m not saying she isn’t. But there always felt like there was something missing when I was with her. When I looked at her, it still felt like a part of me was missing,” he paused to smile at you. “When I saw you all those months ago, it was like I was whole again. You’ve brought peace to my life, and when I’m with you or touching you nothing matters in the galaxy. Not the Jedi, the war, the Chancellor. . None of it.

“You were always my past, you’ve become my present, and I want you to be my future as well. When it’s time, I-I want you to come. Be with me.”

Anakin searched your eyes for an answer, and you couldn’t help the smile that crossed your lips. Before you could even get a word out Anakin pulled you into him and engulfed you in a hug. His chest hit yours and it felt like you were home. There was no need to think about it- Anakin was where you wanted to be. He always was. You spent so many nights on Tatooine thinking about being with him once more, and you weren’t going to give that up. If it meant leaving the Jedi Council, leaving Coruscant, then that was fine with you.

Anakin was your past, your present, and there was no doubt he would be your future. Nothing was going to alter that fact. Nothing and no one.

- - - - - - - - - -

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years

Text

Best Part of Me -Chapter 60

Warnings: none

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @ocfairygodmother

When she finally wakes, it's with sunshine streaming through the bedroom windows and the digital bedside clock advertising that it’s 10:35. The latter nearly sends her into a blind panic; bolting into a sitting position, eyes still blurry from sleep and her brain groggy as it tries to orientate itself with the unfamiliar surroundings. Momentarily oblivious to the fact that she isn’t at home. Briefly not only forgetting that she’s actually thousands of miles away, but just WHY she is.

She’d spent the last nine hours in a deep and peaceful slumber; a feat she hasn’t managed to achieve once in the past six years. Worn out not just from the lack of adequate rest over the course of the last month and a half or from the gruelling twelve hour flight from Australia, but the hours after the conversation with Tyler that she’d spent dwelling over the pain and the worry that not only tinged his words, but dripped from his voice. He’d never admit just how things are; preferring to suffer in silence under the misconception that he's somehow a burden. It’s a hard habit to break someone of, if not entirely impossible. She’s been working at it for almost seven years now; attempting to not only break down that final barrier he’d long ago built up around himself, but convince him that the second they decided to have a life together, his issues and problems stopped belonging to JUST him. But he’s ferociously stubborn, and years of being raised in an abusive home by an extremely toxic and volatile man, followed by military life, has done a lot of damage. The last effects and scars from physical injuries left behind, but the deepest and most painful wounds festering just under the surface.

She casts a furtive glance towards the cradle at the side of the bed; appreciative of the fully furnished and exquisitely decorated nursery that Anil had provided, but needing the baby as close as possible, at least for the few nights. And her eyes widen and her heart immediately begins thundering in her chest when she finds Addie’s bed empty; devoid of even the stuffed koala -which had once belonged to Millie when she was just newly born- that had been tucked into the corner of the cradle. And she’s ready to toss off the blankets and jump out of bed when a tiny voice pipes up from beside her and puts her worst fears to rest.

“She’s downstairs. With Prisha.”

Esme frowns. “Who’s Prisha?”

Tanner shrugs. “I dunno. I think she’s a nanny or something. But she’s old. Like grandma and Nana Bonnie. Why are there so many people living here? Why do they all do so much work? They clean, they cook, they watch kids. At home, you and daddy do all that stuff.”

“Because Anil has a lot more money than we do and he’s so busy, that he needs to have people taking care of things around the house. Which is bigger than ours. WAY bigger. And when you have a place that’s this big, you need help keeping up with it.”

“Our house is big.”

“By most peoples’ standards. But compared to THIS house, it’s tiny.”

Tanner shrugs. “I like our better, anyway.”

“You don’t like it here? I thought you’d find it pretty cool. TWO pools, a home theatre, all kinds of awesome animals…”

“I like home better. Because it’s home. Because all our stuff is there. I don’t want new stuff, I want OUR stuff. And the beach is there and the smell of the water and the sound of the waves and none of that is here.”

“And it will all still be there when we get back,” she assures him.

“What if we never go back? What if we have to stay here? I don’t wanna stay here. I wanna go back to our house. I wanna go back to our furniture and eating OUR food and sharing a room with TJ. I don’t like not sleeping with him. I’ve always shared a room with him. And I was with him in your tummy too.”

Esme lies back down and rolls onto her side, watching him. One his stomach beside her, knees bent and his bare feet slowly kicking back and forth. Brow furrowed in concentration as he uses a pencil to carefully circle things and fill in blank spaces in the workbook open in front of him. And she reaches out and pushes his hair out of his eyes and off his forehead, then runs a fingertip down the bridge of her nose and taps it against the tip.

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re really cute?” she asks,

“There’s a couple girls in my class that say it all the time.”

"Really?"

He nods. “But I told them I can only be friends because I don’t like girls in THAT way yet. I told them I only love one girl, and that’s mommy.”

“No wonder you’re my favorite. Sweet talking me like that. What are you doing?”

“Homework.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause I want to.”

“Let me see…” she pulls back the corner of the cover to read the title. “Where did you get this? It’s for kids in grade three.”

“Daddy bought it for me the last time we were in town. ‘Cause he said the stuff at school is way too easy for me”

“And you actually understand what you’re reading?”

“Ummm...yeah…” Tanner gives a heavy sigh and a roll of his eyes. “...of course I do! I’m not stupid. Besides, daddy made me read some to him and made me answer some of the questions before he’d buy it. He said I have a huge brain pan, whatever that means.”

“You honestly can read it and understand it?”

“Mommy, I’m smart like you. Just ‘cause Millie and TJ as dumb, doesn’t mean I am,”

“Okay first off, that’s a little harsh. You brother and sister are not dumb. Far from it. But you? You’re insanely smart. Scary smart. You’re also very grumpy this morning.”

“I’m not grumpy.”

“You ARE. And I have seen that exact frown and those lines in your forehead and those serious eyes a thousand times. You are sounding and looking more like your daddy every day. He gets that same look on his face when he’s grumpy. And what are you wearing?” She tugs at the sleeve of the black and gray Emery t-shirt he sports; miles too big on his slight frame.

“It’s daddy’s. I asked him if I could have one of his shirts before he left and he picked this one and packed it in my bag for me. I wanted something that smells like him ‘cause it helps not miss him so much.”

Tears sparkle in her eyes. That honesty; so pure and so innocent. A little boy that possesses such huge emotions and loves so fiercely. “Oh little nugget…” she tousles his hair. “...you have such a big, sensitive heart. Come here; let me make it so it fits better.”

She gathers him into her arms and rolls onto her back, and he sits crossed legged on her stomach while she gathers the bottom of the shirt and draws it around his waist; securing it in a knot before doing the same with each shoulder. “We’ll have to buy daddy a new shirt. Something tells me you won’t give him this one back.”

“Imma keep it,” Tanner says, then wraps both arms around her neck and stretches his legs out; pressing himself tightly against her, face nestled against the side of her neck, feeling the soft tickle of those ridiculously long lashes against her skin when he closes his eyes.

Despite how much he hates hearing it, he IS still so very little. Four inches shorter than his brother and at least fifteen pounds lighter; limbs not as long and shoulders much more narrow. But it makes for good cuddles, and she can still pick him up relatively effortlessly and carry him if she has to. And his personality matches his appearance. Softer and more tender hearted than his twin; affection and loving and breathtakingly sensitive and heartbreakingly wise. An old soul in such a little boy. And while TJ is rough and wild and carefree, Tanner is more cautious. Wary, almost. Fiercely protective of his own self. And her own eyes close when she wraps both arms around his slender body and drops a kiss on the top of his head.

“I don’t want to be the little one,” he laments.

“Where did THAT come from?”

“I want to be the big one. I want to be tall and strong. Like daddy. How come I have to be the small one?”

“You’ve always been small, nugget. Even when you were a baby. There’s nothing wrong with being small. I’m small.”

“But you’re a girl. How come I had to be the sick one?”

“It’s just the way it worked out. Sometimes things go wrong when mommies are having babies. And we didn’t know you’d be sick; it just happened. You guys were born too early and you ended up being the much smaller one.”

“And why couldn’t I come out first? I wanna be named after daddy.”

“What does it matter?”

“‘Cause it does. I want daddy’s name. It’s a good name.”

“You don’t like being named Tanner?”

“I’d rather be named Tyler.”

“I have a secret to tell you,” Esme says. “But you have to promise to never tell your brother. Because it would hurt his feelings and we don’t want that, right?”

Tanner nods.

“When you were in my tummy? When daddy and I found out it was two babies and not just one? We decided that I’d pick one name and he’d picked the other. So when we found out we were having two boys, I said I would name the first that came out and daddy would name the next one. And I decided that I wanted the first to be named Tyler.”

“It was your idea?”

“Yep.” She combs her fingers through his hair and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Daddy didn’t want either of you named after him, but I got my way. And he picked the name Tanner. So you know what that means? You have the name you do because that’s what daddy chose. He wanted you to be named Tanner.”

He raises his head to look at her. “Really?”

“Really. He picked your name. That’s how much he liked it. That’s what he wanted you to be named. And you know what else? You were so sick when you were born, that daddy was the only person allowed to hold you before they took you to take care of you. And he stayed with you for two whole days in the NICU. He slept in a chair beside your bed and he never left; he didn’t want you to be alone and I was too sick too and I wasn’t allowed to see you yet. So it was just you and daddy for a whole forty eight hours.”

“Just us?”

“Just the two of you. And you remember what the doctor told us to do with Addie? When you place her against bare skin? Do you remember? What animal is it named after?”

“A kangaroo. Kangaroo care.”

“That’s it. Well daddy got to that with you, too. Even though you were hooked up to all kinds of wires and tubes, he still got to hold you like that. And the nurses said that was the only time you were nice and calm and never cried.”

“Never?”

“Never. And daddy was really, really sad. Because he was so worried about you. But stayed there with you the whole time because he already loved you THAT much, and he would have stayed even longer, but someone needed to take care of Millie and TJ and I wanted to spend time with you. But see? Daddy’s always loved you. IT doesn’t matter how small you are or what your name is. He still helped make you. And that’s what matters, right?”

Tanner nods.

“He loves you so much, nugget. Right from the beginning. Right back to when you were still in my tummy and he used to talk to you guys and you’d both kick like crazy whenever you heard his voice. And you were strong even then. You kicked HARD.”

“I did?”

“Daddy would always say that you were going to be a professional soccer player. Or an MMA fighter. That’s how hard you kicked! And you’re still strong; even stronger than your brother. You’re small, but you’re mighty.”

“Like you. And Addie.”

“Well maybe not THAT small. But you’re probably going to have a growth spurt when you’re fifteen and end up as tall as daddy. I want you to stay small, though. It’s easier to cuddle you. I LIKE cuddling you. What if you grow big and strong and you don’t want to cuddle me anymore?”

“I will always want to cuddle with you. You’re my mommy. No one gives better cuddles than mommy. No one.”

“So when you are six foot five and weight two hundred pounds and you ARE a bad ass MMA fighter, you’re still going to want to cuddle mommy?”

“Always,” he promises, and presses a kiss to her lips before settling his face against the side of her neck once more.

“Is everyone else downstairs too?” Esme asks.

Tanner nods.

“How come you’re not down there?”

“I was. But I left and came back upstairs.”

“Why?”

Because Anil is trying to be daddy and I don’t like it.”

She frowns. “Trying to be daddy? How…?”

“He made breakfast for us. But nowhere near as good as daddy’s. And he let us sit outside while we ate and he told us cool stories and talked all about the animals he has and told us we could go swimming later. All the stuff daddy does with us, but not as fun. With daddy it’s different. It’s more fun. We get to go surfing and we walk on the beach and collect rocks and shells and stuff. And he’s nice and all that, but he is NOT daddy and I don’t like that he’s trying to be.”

“I don’t think he…”

“I don’t want him taking daddy’s place. I don’t want him thinking he can steal you away from daddy. ‘Cause I like him and all that, I don’t want him to be my dad. I already have a dad and he’s the best dad ever, so…”

“Okay, you know what, nugget? You and I need to have a talk. Sit up. I want you to look at me when I talk to you, alright?”

Tanner nods, then sits up and settles himself between her splayed thighs when she does the same.

“Now listen to me, alright?” She pushes his hair off his forehead, then places her hands on his shoulders. “No one is taking daddy’s place. Because for that to happen, I’d have to be okay with it. And that’s something I will never…ever...be okay with. I don’t want anyone taking his place. Because you know what, your daddy is perfect the way he is. He’s perfect for me and you guys and...”

“But if he dies…”

“Tanner, listen to me. He is NOT going to die. And even if he did...and that’s a huge if...I still wouldn’t be okay with someone taking his place. No one could ever do that. If something happened to him, it would me and your brothers and sisters. That’s it. Understand?”

He nods.

“Your daddy is way more than just your daddy. He’s my husband AND he’s my best friend. And I love him more than I even love myself. And there’s no one earth that could take his place.”

“Ever?”

“Ever. Anil is NOT trying to be your dad. He’s not trying to take anyone’s place. He’s a friend of daddy’s and he promised daddy that he’d give us a nice, safe place to stay while he works. And it’s a really awesome place isn’t it.”

Tanner nods.

“Daddy trusts Anil to look after us because he can’t right now. Anil’s just trying to make this easier on your guys. Because he knows how sad you all are and how hard it is to be away from home and away from daddy. He’s just being nice and trying to make us feel comfortable and welcome. That’s it. Understand what I’m saying?”

“I understand.”

“So stop worrying so much about all this other stuff, okay? Daddy’s not going to die, no one is going to take his place, and eventually we’ll all get to go home. You believe me, right?”

“I believe you, mommy. But I still don’t want to go downstairs without you. It’s bad enough I can’t do things with daddy. I don’t want to do things with you EITHER.”

“Well can I least go pee and put on something other than pjs first?”

“I suppose.”

“You suppose, do you?” She smothers his face with kisses until he’s shrieking and giggling, then tousles his hair. “You want to call daddy? I told him I’d call when I got up. You want to talk to him first?”

Tanner nods enthusiastically, then scrambles across the bed on his hands and knees to retrieve her phone from the night table. “Can I dial it?”

“You know his number?”

“Mom, I know how to get into your contacts. I’m five. I know this stuff.”

“You are way too smart for your own good,” she declares, then presses a kiss to his temple as he settles himself between her legs, back against her stomach.

****

Tyler excuses himself from the team briefing when his cell phone vibrates against the tabletop and his wife's name appears on the screen. When she’d promised to call when she woke up, he’d expected it to be a lot sooner; mornings come quick with five, especially with an infant. With the lingering uneasiness from last night’s confession and subsequent conversation, it had been easy to let his paranoia and worst fears get the better of him; growing more and more concerned with each passing minute, yet resisting the urge to call incessantly and left umpteen messages. He’d KNOW if something was wrong. Nik is there. Anil had even gone personally to make sure that everyone is settled and comfortable and being treated well and to check that things are running smoothly. Had something gone down...IF they were in any danger...he’d be the first one to find out.

He snags his half full take out cup of coffee from the table before heading into the central courtyard; blinking against the harsh, brilliant sun, and groaning inwardly when two of Anil’s people -heavily armed- followed closely behind. None of the rooms that overlook the area have balconies OR windows that open; the only real threat could come from the roof, and that’s sixteen floors above and Anil has even more guards stationed up there. And he grimaces as he takes a seat on one of the concrete benches; an ache across the small of his back and stiffness in his knee.

Nothing a couple of hours in the gym won’t solve; working up a sweat and getting all the kinks out.

“Hey,” he says as he answers the call. “You sleep in or something? ‘Cause…”

“Hi daddy!” Tanner cheerfully greets, and a smile immediately plays on his lips. Six months ago he would never have been able to tell the twins apart on the phone. Now it’s more than obvious who is who; Tanner’s accent coming in much thicker and more pronounced.

“Hey, mate. What’s going on? What’cha up to?”

“Mommy said I could call you. Are you busy?”

“I’m never busy when it comes to you.”

“You’re not beating up any bad guys?”

“Not yet. Later. Once you go to bed. You okay? Sleep alright?”

“Not really,” Tanner admits. “I didn’t like sleeping without Teej. The room is nice and all that and the bed is huge, but I’ve been with Teej for forever. Even when we were in mommy’s tummy. I don’t like being without him. I can’t sleep proper.”

“Well maybe tonight, just go in and sleep with him in his bed,” Tyler suggests. “He won’t admit it. But he’s probably missing you too. He’s used to you always being around. You having fun? What’s the house like?”

“Alright, I suppose.”

“Just alright? Your mom made it sound pretty awesome. Lots of cool stuff to do there, yeah?”

“I guess. I don’t know. I miss home. I miss our stuff. I miss the beach. I miss you making breakfast and waiting for the school bus with us.”

“When this is all over, we can go back to all that stuff.”

“How long?” Tanner asks. “Until it’s over?”

“I don’t know, mate. Not too long I hope.”

“We don’t have to stay here forever, do we? I don’t want to stay here forever. It’s nice and all that not, but it’s not as nice as home. Everything I know is at home. I don’t know any of this stuff. And there’s too many people here. I don’t like lots of people around.”

“I know it sucks to be away from home, but I need you to do me a favor. I need you to at least give the place a chance. I know you miss home. I miss it too. But this will all go a lot faster and easier if you try to enjoy it. Can you do that? For me? At least try?”

“Just for you,” Tanner promises. “And I don’t want another dad.”

Tyler laughs, coffee cup poised against his lips. “What?”

“I don’t want another dad,” his son repeats. “Anil’s a nice guy, but I don’t want him as my new dad.”

“Tanner,” Esme sighs in the background. “We talked about this. Stop.”

“I’m telling daddy about it. He should know if someone is trying to take his place.”

“No one is trying to take his place. We JUST talked about this.”

“Anil is trying to be you,” Tanner explains. “Not you, exactly. But a daddy. He’s trying to be a daddy. MY daddy. And I don’t like it. I already have a dad. I don’t need another one. Can I come stay with you wherever you are?”

“I don’t think he’s trying to do that,” Tyler says. “I think he’s just trying to be nice.”

“What if he tries to steal mommy from you?”

“Well if he wants her that bad…”

“I can hear you,” Esme pipes up. “He has you on speaker phone.”

“No one is going to steal your mom away,” Tyler assures his son. “Or even try. Especially if they know what’s good for them.””

“You’ll beat them up?”

“I was thinking they wouldn’t be able to handle her cooking. But if you rather I beat them up…”

“You’re both on my shit list,” Esme declares.

“Anil isn’t trying to be your dad,” Tyler says. “He’s trying to be dad like, but not A dad. Know what I mean?”

“Not really,” Tanner admits.

“He’s trying to do things for you guys that a dad would do. So you’ll be comfortable there. So you’ll be happy. That’s all. He’s not trying to be your dad or take my place. And unless your mom is planning on getting rid of me, you’re kind of stuck with me.”

“But what if you die?”

“Tanner!” Esme scolds. “What’s wrong with you?”

“It’s a valid question, mom. What if daddy dies? Then what? Then I have no dad.”

“Well then your mom would have to find you a new one, I guess,” Tyler tells him.

“No frigging way! I’d rather no dad than a new one. I don’t want some shitty new dad.”

He can’t help but chuckle. “How about you stop worrying about this kind of stuff? You’re five. You’re way too young for gray hair and an ulcer.”

“I can’t help it,” Tanner laments. “It’s how my brain works. I worry. It’s what I do.”

“You sounded so much like your mom just then. Why don’t go and be a kid? Go swimming. Watch a movie. Go see the animals. There’s all kinds of stuff to do there. Go do one of them.”

“Nothing’s fun without you, though. It’s boring. You do cool stuff with us and now it’s boring as shit!”

“What did I say about giving things a chance?”

Tanner sighs. “Fine. I’ll try. But I’ll hate every second.”

“You’ll be saying that same thing when you’re older and you have to work for a living.”

“Not if I do your job. I’d like to beat up bad people.”

“Well there’s more to it than that and I’d rather you NOT do it. For now, you’re only five. Be a five year old, yeah? Leave worrying about adult shit to actual adults, hear me?”

“I hear you. And I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. Let me talk to your mom, okay? You go be a kid. I love you.”

“I love you, daddy. Will you call me later? Before you go beat up the bad guys?”

“I promise I’ll call you. Try and have fun. Please?”

“I’ll try. But it won’t happen…”

“Tanner…”

“I’m nothing if not honest.”

“You’re grumpy is what you are. I’m serious; be a kid. Leave adult stuff to adults. Try to have fun. I’ll see you in a few days, alright?”

“Can you stay when you come? Even just for a couple of days?”

“I can’t. I want to. But I can’t.”

“Just for ONE day?”

“Not even for one day,” he reluctantly admits.

“Can you stay overnight at least? Then you can make breakfast in the morning before you go?”

“I’ll see, okay? I’ll find out if I can. I’m not making any promises, though. But I’ll find it. Let me talk to mommy. And NOT on speaker phone.”

“She’s in trouble, isn’t she.”

“You’re trouble, you know that?”

“What are you talking about? I’m the good one.”

Tyler smirks. “Tell that to the fifteen bucks you scammed out of me.”

“Listen, I did that fair and square. Not my fault you fell for it.” His giggling stops and he turns seriously once again. “I miss you, daddy. My heart is sad.”

“Mine is too, mate. But I’ll see you soon. I promise. Now let me talk to your mom and you go be a kid.”

“Fine.” Tanner huffs. “But I still don’t want another dad.”

“Go downstairs,” Esme gently orders. “And be nice. Quit being such a grump. And don’t give me that look because I don’t put up with it from your father and I sure as hell won’t put up with it from a five year old. Just go. I’ll be down in a minute. I swear…” she sighs into the phone. “...he is five going on fifteen. Hi, by the way. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. And what the hell is going on over there that he’s got it in his head that he’s getting a new dad?”

“Nothing. Nothing is going on. I haven’t even been downstairs yet. I don’t even know where downstairs is and if I can’t find it. I need a map or a GPS to locate the kitchen. And you know what Tanner is like. He worries about things that aren’t even happening and probably never will. He IS going to give himself an ulcer. And you say he’s not like you?”

He sips his coffee. “What about the other ones?”

“They’re fine. I mean, as fine as they can be. They’re at least embracing the whole thing and making the best of it. But I don’t know how much of this I can take. All these people around; maid and cooks and nannies and all that shit. I woke up this morning and Addie was gone. I almost had a stroke. I guess one of the nannies came in and got her.”

“It’s what he’s hired all these people to do,” Tyler reasons. “To take care of you guys.”

“She could have at least said she was taking her instead of just coming in and doing it. And I don’t need people watching my kids. This isn’t my first baby; I’ve taken care of four other ones, including two at once. It’s just weird. I don’t know how people live like this.”

“And you call Tanner grumpy?” he chides.

“I don’t like strangers just up and taking my children. I’m used to it being us. Not twenty different people I can’t even communicate with. And I’m sorry; I didn’t call to bitch at you, I swear.”

“I’m used to it. It’s been seven years. Nothing new to me.”

“You're such a smart ass,” she mutters, then turns serious. “Are you okay? Did the night get any better?”

“A little.” He won’t tell her about the bottle of whisky he’d polished off, or how guilty he feels about it now. Some things are better left unsaid.

“Do you want me to come there?” Esme asks. “I could stay for a couple of days. Just to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” he insists.

“That’s horseshit and you know it. If you want me to come…”

“It’s not that I DON’T want you to. It's that I also want you to say with kids. Where I know you’re safe.”

“I’m safer with you. I trust you. These people are strangers and I can’t just blindly trust them. I at least know...one hundred percent...that I’m safe with you.”

“They’re not all strangers,” he argues. “Nik’s there.”

“Nik isn’t you. Seriously, if you want me there…”

“I do. You have no idea how much. But I want you to stay with the kids. MY kids. Bad enough I’m gone; they don’t need the two of us taking off.”

“And you’re going back out tonight?”

“Yeah,”

“Alone?”

“Don’t start.”

“How dangerous is it? Is it something you should be doing alone?”

“On a scale of one to ten? Maybe a three.”

“I don’t trust your scale. What you can handle and what a normal person can handle are two entirely different things. How many people this time?”

“Four.”

“Four? By yourself? Tyler, what the fuck?”

“It’s not hands on. Sniper work. It’ll be easy. Four shots and I’m done. Nothing to worry about.”

Esme sighs heavily. “I think you just gave me a hundred more gray hairs. This is insane. Four people? By yourself?”

“I just told you…”

“I know what you told me. I think it’s too much. Even for you. Take someone with you. Please? For my own peace of mind.”

“Esme…”

“Tyler…”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Now is NOT the time to be stubborn. I’m just worried. You know that.”

“I do know that.”

“And I know that you won’t take anyone with you. Just be careful, okay? These people are smart. And that makes them even more dangerous. Just be careful and be safe, okay?”

“I will,” he promises. “I gotta go. I walked out in the middle of a team meeting.”

“You could have just said that at the beginning and you could have called me back.”

“You’re more important than any meeting. And I needed to talk to you. To hear your voice.”

“I needed that too,” she admits. “Maybe later you can phone and I can hear it again. This time saying more ADULT stuff.”

Tyler grins. “I could do that.”

“Oh I know you can. I know the filth that is capable of coming out of your mouth. I better go; before Tanner starts planning my wedding to Anil.”

“Well he could give you a better wedding than I gave you” Tyler reasons.

“Ours was perfect. It was small and it was quaint and it was very us. I love you. We’ll talk later.”

“Yeah, we will. And I love you, too.”

“Be safe. Call me as soon as soon as it’s done. So I know you’re okay.”

“I will,” he promises. “Let me know where you’re registered so I can get you and your second husband a wedding gift.”

“You’re not funny. In the slightest.

“That’s ‘cause I’m fucking hilarious.”

“In your own mind, maybe. Talk later.”

“For sure,” he says, then presses end on the phone. And he sits there for several minutes; eyes fixated on the blackened screen of the cell clutched tightly in his hand. Attempting to control the profound ache that settles deep in his chest. That overwhelming loneliness. And impending sense of doom.

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #extraction #best part of me #chris hemsworth character

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firefly-in-darkness · 4 years

Text

Misconceptions - 6/12

Characters: Y/N, the Avengers, Marcus (OC).

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Series Summary: Bucky Barnes overhears a conversation that he shouldn’t have… and now he regrets his reaction…

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Angst, jealousy...

Beta: The always lovely, Stacey - @princessmisery666 // all mistakes are my own.

A/N: Erm... so yeah this happened... I think this is gonna be a 10 parter... with an epilogue... just fo a little extra somthing... or it could be another 5 parts. Who knows right now, I’m enjoying this story too much to give it up just yet! Hope you like the new part too - love the feedback as always

Catch up with the series here: Misconceptions Series List

Return to Firefly’s Library & Masterlist

Previously: It wasn’t until Sam started putting the cards back on the window sill that Y/N realised that there was nothing from Bucky. Has he even been to see me? With now only the glow of the small lamp and the beep of the machines filling her ears, she let the tears fall.

It had been nearly two weeks since she'd been rescued and brought to the medical wing. She was slowly starting to hate being here, she felt fine and just wanted to go back to her apartment in the compound. It also didn’t help to have the constant reminder from the cards, gifts and visitors that the one person that she wanted to see, still hadn't entered through the door.

Once more, Y/N awoke to the soft hum and the repetitive beep from the machines. Her blurred vision took in the soft light from the lamp and the navy sky beyond the window. It must have only been a couple of hours since she fell asleep after Clint’s visit.

She heard the door opening behind her, feigning sleep to find out who her visitor was. She couldn’t be sure if it was a certain super soldier paying her a visit, but after the team visiting her earlier who else could it have been? Y/N tried to keep her breath steady, hoping her heartbeat remained normal too, otherwise the machines she was hooked up to would betray her.

Footsteps edged towards the seat beside her bed and she couldn’t have been more relieved that she was facing the other way.

“Hi sweetheart.” Bucky’s voice was almost a whisper, “Sorry I didn’t visit sooner. Sam’s a tough bodyguard. But even he must sleep at some point. Hopefully, I won't have to sneak in every night for much longer.”

Her heart skipped as his words washed over her. Every night? She scolded herself for thinking he wouldn't visit and made a mental note to reprimand her best friend for keeping him away when she was awake.

She was glad that she had feigned her sleep and prayed that he would continue talking but silence filled the room. If it wasn’t for the whirring of his Vibranium arm or the slight deep breath he took every now and then, she would have thought he’d left.

Y/N heard the muffled voice of Bucky, she’d fallen asleep again, but he was still here, the dark sky was slowly lightening, and she focused on his words as best as she could through her hazy thoughts.

“- Wanda’s been baking cookies, Vision is slowly getting the hang of using doors and Natasha is losing her mind without her drinking buddy.” Bucky scoffed, “I miss my movie nights with you Y/N. It’s only been a couple of weeks but yeah, I miss it. I miss you.”

“I shouldn’t have left you on your own. If I’d been with you like I was supposed to have been then you wouldn’t have ended up here...” Bucky leant his elbows on his knees, head in his hands and sighed.

His thoughts were consumed once more with the phone call he'd overheard, and the way Sam had protected Y/N without hesitation. The affection he had seen through the little window in the door; holding hands, forehead kisses, helping change her clothes, the laughter that filled the room.

Fuck it, I need to say something. Bucky steeled himself and sat up straighter.

“I should tell you this when you’re awake but I-”

A shuffle from the bed had Bucky’s attention, Y/N had rolled over to face him and began to rub at her right eye.

“Buck?” Her quiet yet hoarse voice melted him.

“Hi Y/N, it’s early, go back to sleep.”

“I’ve slept enough for the last two weeks to survive an early wake-up call.” Her sleepy smile beamed at him, squishing the side of her face further into the pillow.

“I guess you're right.” Bucky gave her a soft smile and ran his fingers through his short locks, “so how much of that did you hear?”

“Enough. Please don't feel guilty about what happened to me.”

“Y/N-”

She raised her hand, “Nope, it happened because I decided to leave at stupid o’clock.”

Bucky couldn't help but still feel responsible for what had happened to Y/N and now he felt worse for making her leave.

“I know you wished it was Sam on the mission.” His shoulders sagged and he sunk back into the seat. “I overheard you on the phone that night.”

He watched for Y/N’s reaction; her eyes widened, and mouth opened and closed several times but what surprised him was the way her cheeks were dusted pink.

“It’s okay, I get it. You two are really close.” Bucky stood up, collecting a brown paper bag from the floor and opening it.

Y/N’s silence made Bucky nervous, but he delved into the bag and grabbed the plums, placing them into the bowl. “I know it’s not much, but I remembered how much you liked the ones from the market.”

“Thank you, Buck.” She smiled, not taking her eyes off the fruit bowl on the table at the end of the bed.

Bucky headed towards the door and with a slight nod he left.

Y/N sighed at the sound of the door clicking shut, her eyes still focused on the plums. Of course, he visited and brought something. She was annoyed at herself for thinking he didn’t care, that she was too wrapped up in her selfishness. Bucky had occupied the table at the end of the bed with plums and fresh daisies.

It was a reminder of their trip to Bucharest, revisiting his recent past. It was only a few months ago. They had eaten delectable fruit as they weaved through the market stalls, sat in a local park and made daisy-chains for hours. Bucky had delicately weaved the flowers and created a crown, placing it atop her head. When her attempt failed, she tucked a single daisy behind his ear.

Tears welled in her eyes as she thought of Bucky’s infectious smile as they laid in the luscious grass, the sound of the city muffled by their bubble. This was the moment that she knew that her crush was something more. Her heart had ached at the way he spoke of the women he had recently dated, and she obliged him with telling her own dating stories. They were all fake, but they eased the tension in her chest.

And now he knew, he had heard her phone conversation with Sam. It explained the way he had disappeared that night, he couldn’t be near her. Her mind reeled with how he had blatantly courted a woman in front of her, brought her back to the hotel suite. He was trying to tell her that he was not interested in her, not in the way she hoped at least.

The tears cascaded down her cheeks, small sobs racked through her already sore body. Bucky could never find me attractive, let alone love me. They had their friendship and that had to be enough. She used the heel of her hand to wipe at her cheeks, vowing to not cry over him anymore.

Two Months Later…

Y/N eased back into training. It was difficult at first but slowly she got back into the rhythm of working out and after multiple therapy sessions, she was on track to returning to the field once more. She had her downfalls along the way but with the help of her friends and therapist, she picked herself back up.

A small smile rested on her lips as she stretched on the mats, ready for a sparring session with Sam. It was the highlight of her week, taking down the all-talk-no-action Falcon. Speaking of the devil, his laughter echoed across the room, catching Y/N’s attention. She glanced up to see her best friend, clinging to his sides at something he had probably said; Steve blushed, and Bucky shook his head in annoyance.

Y/N’s smile faltered slightly, seeing the super soldier had her thinking of how their friendship had changed since that night. Everything seemed like it was back to normal on the surface, but things were different, and she couldn’t avoid accepting that any longer. Sparring with Bucky was completely off the cards, he had confirmed that as soon as she was back in the gym.

‘I can’t spar with you.’ - No reason. No explanation. Nothing.

Bucky no longer joined her when she and Sam headed out of the compound to go shopping, trying new restaurants and bars. Movie nights were no longer their thing, he had brought Wanda and Nat into the fold. Not that Y/N minded the girls being there, but it was still a prick to her heart.

“Hi, erm, Y/N?” The male voice brought her out of her thoughts.

She continued wrapping her hands and gave him a slight smile, “Yes, Agent Reynolds?”

Y/N looked over the tall tanned man, the short caramel locks a mess on his head, a few strands sticking to his forehead. She had become fond of him over the last couple of weeks; not only was he an incredible recruit, he’d been a good laugh whenever they’d been in the gym at the same time. Much like earlier today when they caught up over by the water fountain before hitting their own routines.

“You can call me Marcus,” He rubbed the back of his neck, “I was just wondering if you’d like to go out for a drink sometime? Or dinner? Maybe?”

Y/N glanced over his shoulder. Eyes landing immediately on Bucky with his arm wrapped around Nat’s shoulders. Her stomach dropped and she turned back to Marcus, who patiently awaited her response. She knew it was time to move on, maybe a little bit of fun is what she needs right now.

She smirked and held out her phone. “With that uncertainty, I don’t know... How about we exchange numbers and you give me a call when you’ve decided on dinner or drinks, or both?”

Marcus’ cheeks dusted a light pink and Y/N was glad she hadn’t lost her touch. Maybe that only applied to the Super Soldier. Her charm and flirting seemed to have caught Marcus’ attention, so maybe it wasn’t her after all.

He punched in the number and called his phone, the little chime from his pocket confirming it had gone through. Handing it back to Y/N just as Sam jogged over to them.

“Are you ready to get your ass whooped, Y/N?” he chuckled, giving her a toothy grin.

Y/N tilted her head with a mischievous pout, “Oh boy, someone’s had their cocky pills today.”

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#Bucky Barnes Fic #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes Fic Series #Bucky Barnes Fanfiction #Bucky Barnes Fanfic #Bucky Barnes Angst #Bucky Barnes Fluff #Bucky Barnes Fiction

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