#I found myself looking at other recent YA titles and... why

[yuuseasidesunset]

an aspec goes to a bookshop 

I recently had my first encounter with an aroace Sci-Fi in Japanese and just had to write about it.

I enter a bookshop and feel like crying. I don’t know which book to pick up and I end up spending more time walking around than reading. This has been typical of me in a bookshop over the past few years, since I started to identify as aspec. 

Growing up, I’ve always been a bookworm. As soon as I learned to read, I started devouring all the books I could get my hands on. Recently I found a reading diary we were made to keep in primary school, and the small notebook contained the titles of many more books than I had remembered. Fantasy had already become my favourite genre. I probably read so many books during that time that I didn’t remember what happened in each story. 

Looking back, I can’t pinpoint when that started to change. As I got older my reading skills developed and I came to digest each story more slowly and carefully so I could enjoy the reading experience. That explains why I became so bad at deciding what to read; when you want to take time for it, you would want to choose what you enjoy reading. 

But that wasn’t the only reason, though I couldn’t figure it out at first, and maybe it already started in the fifth or sixth grade. As I grew older, the books recommended for my age group started to contain elements of romance, a certain kind of interaction between a girl and a boy (it was always a girl and a boy - which I didn’t care that much at that time because being anything other than straight simply wasn’t given as an option anyway). I still enjoyed the books and got excited about all the adventures and characters and emotions and all that was there, and I read the romance plots just as any other kind of b-plots. But then, romance and sex became more and more dominant with time, both in books I read and in conversations I had with my friends. I started to feel as if I were much younger than them, too “innocent” and childish for those topics. It might also have had something to do with the fact that Asians are often perceived as younger than their age in Western/European contexts, which was often the case where I spent the latter half of my teenage years, but that definitely wasn’t the only reason. When I came across the terms asexual and aromantic, things started to make so much sense. 

But as it might be the case for many, figuring out at least part of my sexuality wasn't necessarily the most difficult part, unlike many of the YA books I had previously read about queer experiences. Just as much as I was relieved to have a way to describe myself and to find others whose experiences and feelings I share, I also came to notice small and big things built upon the premise of heteronormativity and amatonormativity, and how other people seem to smoothly navigate through them, and be hurt by those little things like advertisements on the metro and anecdotes in daily conversations. It might sound like an exaggeration, but it did feel that way. Little things like that often build up. 

For me, one of the ways in which the impact manifested was that I started to sometimes feel like crying in bookshops and libraries, my favourite places of all. I felt like I was out of place in those storyworlds. I became scared of picking them up. 

I don’t mean to say that all (hetero) alloromantic allosexual people enjoy all the books in the world. But there are simply more options to choose from to relate to in any genre. Of course, there are a vast number of stories and books and every person can like or dislike them, relate to or not relate to them; it’s not unique to queer, aspec, or aroace people. But objectively speaking, there are many more books built upon the premise that romantic and sexual relationships and interactions are an essential and natural part of anyone’s course of life. At least the stories I’ve encountered have been that way, especially those supposedly for “grown-ups” that I found in bookshops in Japan. And when the sheer existence of that premise in a book felt like rejection and exclusion, just the idea that none of the books in the bookshelves went directly against or weren't based on that premise made me want to cry. I started to avoid stopping by the fiction shelves. And that’s been the default for the past few years since the very striking discovery that not everyone feels the way I do and that I was rather the odd one out that the descriptor aroace can be applied to. I got used to feeling as if there were no books for me to read without feeling like an imposter, or read always only as audience and never a participant.

So, reading The Nowhere Garden for the Innocent (無垢なる花たちのためのユートピア) just blew my mind. As a collection of SF short stories by an openly aroace author, it was what I had always wanted without realising. Science fiction and more broadly speculative fiction reimagines the world and enables the understanding of the world and people in ways otherwise impossible, which is one of the reasons I love the genre. But (though the number of books I’ve read so far isn’t large) it was the first work of speculative fiction that spoke to my experience and feelings specifically related to my aroace-ness in a way this book did. 

The book contains six short stories, all science/speculative fiction. The rule-bending nature of speculative fiction enables us to imagine what ifs, but it also makes visible the author’s assumptions about the limitation to those imaginations, what they regard as essential or minimum for the story to be real in their worlds. Of course, books written by alloromantic and allosexual authors also often explore possibilities of relationships and sexualities, I know that. But it just feels different when it reflects the aroace experience. I didn’t know how liberating it feels to read stories where I’m not told I’m in the wrong for the lack of certain experiences or feelings, implicitly or explicitly. 

I hadn’t understood the true importance of representation in media, especially that of aro people, until I read Loveless by Alice Oseman (whose protagonist is aroace) and watched Little Women (2019) (whose protagonist Joe who I interpreted as an aro icon, largely thanks to Sounds Fake But Okay podcast. My fave pod btw). Recently, I have also been rediscovering the power of fanfiction. And now, I have an even deeper understanding of what it means to have a piece of work in your favourite genre that you can see yourself in, and whose author clearly states their wish to create works in which they battle against amatonormativity, and in a language you grew up reading books in, which for me is Japanese. I’m now more jealous than before of the majority of the people who I suppose have plenty of books they can relate to in this particular sense (which is a fresh surprise to me every single day, what do you mean sexual attraction and games of romance are real and not fake?) (I am joking, respectfully). 

I don’t want to spoil the book so won’t write too much about it here, but what I found to be one of the undercurrents in the book is the power of writing itself. It’s about how much writing stories and letters and diaries and memoirs and names might mean to somebody who might be looking for something or somebody. And, reading the book, I realised a special impact that fiction has on me. Works of fiction enable a kind of empathy different from the kind that nonfiction offers, like interviews, scientific books or even tweets, though they have also helped me. Fictional stories enable the reader to immerse themselves entirely in the world and identify with the characters. That is how I feel reading fiction, especially speculative fiction. And when identities often invisible are represented there, it can act like a special kind of affirmation that yes, a person can feel like that, and yes, it is a way to exist in the world and to interact with other people. 

So I’m glad this book exists, and that I had the chance to encounter and read it. Stories save people. I hope people keep believing in the power of writing and storytelling, because now that I know books like this one can and do exist, I don’t feel as much like crying in a bookshop.

--------

無垢なる花たちのためのユートピア (The Nowhere Garden for the Innocent), Megumi Kawano - in Japanese 

Loveless, Alice Oseman

SFBO Little Women episode 

(This post was originally posted on my previous account @seasidesunset on 09/08/2022)

[mgmoments]

Growing Into Your Own

Diavolo | Obey Me!

Muscle growth, muscle worship, macro

Warning, NSFW

Your time spent with Diavolo was always some of your favorite. When you first arrived, little did you realize that the Lord of the Devildom would quickly become not only one of your closest friends, but even something a little more.

It wasn't uncommon for Diavolo to summon you to his opulent home for coffee, tea, or simply to spend the evening talking with you. Barbatos never seemed to mind the extra company, likely because it was good for the Master of the house to have someone else to talk to. That, and you were fairly good about cleaning up after yourself.

Today was no different. Diavolo had summoned you to his office to chat while he finished paperwork. Something seemed slightly off, however. You were never really one to notice the smaller details, but you couldn't help but take note at every time Diavolo tugged at his collar or attempted to pull his sleeves down.

"Dia, is something wrong? You've been tugging at your suit a ton since I got here," you asked, curious. He simply smiled.

"Ah, no no. Nothing's wrong. It's just...a touch tight. I suppose Barbatos must have shrunk it in the wash!"

"I assure you, I did not such thing Master Diavolo," Barbatos stated, entering the room to refill Diavolo's tea. "There is...another matter of concern. Perhaps our guest should depart so we might discuss this matter privately?"

Diavolo seemed ready to protest, but a sharp glance from Barbatos quieted him before he had the chance. He sighed. "I suppose it is getting late. I'll see you again tomorrow, yes? We can have one of those 'slumber parties' you said humans like to have!"

You laughed, but Diavolo simply beamed his bright smile. With no reason to protest, you gathered your things and headed back to the House of Lamentation. You couldn't help but wonder what exactly the two needed to discuss, however. Even more confusing is how it could possibly be related to Diavolo's clothing being tight.

"I'll be Barbatos just didn't wanna admit he messed up in front of ya," Mammon said at dinner that night. "Dude's obsessed with perfection, he just didn't want ya to think he was anythin' less than perfect."

Mammon squealed as Lucifer smacked him in the back of the head with a rolled up paper.

"There is a good enough reason why they needed to discuss matters without a human present, Mammon. It has little to do with perfection. It simply is not their business, or yours for that matter."

"Then you know what they're talking about?" You asked, knowing that Lucifer wouldn't tell you even if he did know. The frown that settled on his face was answer enough.

"Unfortunately," he replied, "Whatever this issue is it is one they've decided does not concern me. It is worth stating that Diavolo has been complaining about his clothing for some time now, at least a week. I'm surprised that it just now became an actual issue. Regardless, we all need to keep our noses out of royal Devildom business. Am I understood?"

You and all the brothers gave a quick nod. Lucifer smiled, and dinner continued. Despite everything, you couldn't shove the issue out of your head. In a way it was almost exciting to think about all the possibilities. Your mind raced with theories as you drifted off to sleep.

You returned to Diavolo's castle later the next day, only to be greeted by the towering demon dressed in a dragon onesie.

"What do you think?" he asked, turning around to show off the fine details, "I heard that humans dress in fun nightwear for events such as these, so I had Barbatos make this special. Is it nice?"

"I love it, Dia," you said with a smile, laughing at Diavolo's antics, "It suits you. Though, I see you more as a teddy bear than a dragon myself."

Diavolo smiled, and wrapped you in a massive hug.

Demons, on average, were already larger than humans. Even the relatively short Mammon and Asmodeus were still both slightly taller than you. Large demons like Beel and Diavolo, however, towered over you. You always considered yourself lucky that they were so kind, because you could only wonder how things would be if these two titans decided to use their size against you.

Diavolo's strong hand enveloped your own as he led you to his home theater like am excited child. He gleefully informed you of all the movies and snacks he had planned for the two of you as you both settled down into massive beanbags. Your seat didn't last long, however, as you were soon sitting comfortably in Diavolo's lap with his arms wrapped around you.

You both sat in quiet comfort watching some cheesy romcom when you felt something throb beneath you. You were taken aback- Diavolo wasn't the type to be...like that. Then you felt it again, realizing that Diavolo's legs appeared to be tensing up. Looking up to him, you noticed him wincing slightly. A small groan escaped his lips.

"Dia...? Everything ok?"

"Y-yeah. I...I think my legs are asleep is all. Let me just...urgh....stand up."

You rose from Diavolo's lap as he rose to unsteady legs. You couldn't help but feel like he looked slightly larger than before. It was subtle, but it was almost as if his onesie had begun to cling to him where it had once hung off of him.

Diavolo groaned again and nearly stumbled over as Barbatos entered the room with a new tray of food. Barbatos quickly placed the tray down and rushed to his master's side to hold him up.

"Is Dia ok, Barbatos? He seems out of it."

"The Master has simply been overworking himself recently, that's all. Exhaustion is beginning to get to him."

"No, Barbatos," Diavolo groaned, "It's finally coming, I just can't hold it back any longer. We need to be honest with them. They'll find out soon enough anyway."

"..Very well," Barbatos said, turning towards you. Diavolo sat back down as Barbatos began to speak.

"Lord Diavolo, as you are well aware, is lord of the Devildom. It is more than a title. You may consider it...something like a race. He is unlike the other demons you've met here. He is far more powerful, not simply because of his station but because he is naturally more inclined towards power. Part of his natural aging involves what you humans could almost consider a second puberty, a period of time when he finally fully matures and can be considered ready to take the crown of the Devildom for his own."

"What does...what does that actually involve?" you asked, watching Diavolo breathe heavily in his seat.

"You may have noticed the young Master tugging at his clothing recently. It's been a slow process thus far, but part of this evolution involves Lord Diavolo increasing drastically in physical size. This is no longer common knowledge, but Lord Diavolo's father was large enough to completely fill this room. Lord Diavolo will likely be that size when this process is completed, and based on what we are currently seeing, the process will be completed tonight."

"Wait, hold on! You're saying Dia is gonna completely fill this room tonight? Sure he's big, but he's nowhere close to being that big."

"It will cease being a slow process soon enough. Lord Diavolo is entering the final stage, and it will all happen relatively quickly. I recommend-"

Before Barbatos could finish, Diavolo let out a large groan. Both you and Barbatos' eyes snapped towards the demon prince as his entire body began to tremble and pulsate. The sound of tearing fabric began to fill the room as Diavolo's body began to push outwards in all directions. The onesie struggled to hold on as Diavolo's body began to tear through it, each muscle increasing in size and thickness. His feet were first to break free, tearing away Diavolo's slippers with his toes curling in seeming pain. His arms and legs followed, his swelling biceps and thighs tearing through the cloth like it was merely tissue paper. As each second passed, Diavolo's body grew larger and large with more and more muscle packing onto his steadily taller frame. His groans slowly became moans. The process was clearly no longer painful.

Sure enough, Diavolo's cock broke free of his pants and flopped about in front of him, throbbing half-erect. He breathed heavily as pre began to drip from the tip, the cock continuing to grow with his body. You felt your cheeks grow hot, embarrassed to watch the obscene display but finding yourself aroused by the process.

"L-love," Diavolo panted, his horns and wings erupting from his head and back, "p...please..."

You looked to Barbatos who was nowhere to be seen. With no one to tell you otherwise, you climbed Diavolo's powerful thighs and placed yourself atop his expanding lap. You wrapped your own legs around his cock, the entire thing reaching up to your chin, and began to stroke it gently with both hands. You carefully ran both hands over the tanned skin, feeling every muscle and tendon in the cock with care before steadily picking up the pace. The cock stood at attention, and Diavolo's entire body shuddered in response. Without thinking you placed your mouth around the tip as best as you could, and began licking. Diavolo moaned in ecstasy as the cock throbbed with newfound power in your mouth. You felt the pressure within slowly build until it erupted outwards. Unable to remove your head in time, a large amout of Diavolo's seed found its way into your mouth before you were thrown backwards from the force of the eruption. The cock continued to let loose powerful stream after stream of semen until the room was nearly completely covered in it. When the stream finally abated, you felt the massive body beneath you begin to relax.

You, however, were not finished. You rose from the cock and began to admire the rest of Diavolo's newly massive body. You ran each hand over his powerful new muscles, tracing every curve and line and taking the time to appreciate every individual muscle. Diavolo's body shuddered again as you reached his chest and rubbed each of nipples. A small moan escaped his lips. Eventually he seemed satisfied with your worship, and cupped you in a massive hand. Next thing you knew, you were sitting on his palm in front of his movie screen sized face, his golden eyes looking at you with adoration.

"Are you ok, my little love? I hope this all didn't come as too much of a shock to you."

You simply smiled, and brought your lips to his. The two of you exchanged the closest thing to a kiss you could, Diavolo's lips nearly engulfing your entire head. You pulled back and smiled at one another.

"I would like to apologize for ruining our sleep over, my love. And for...my unseemly behavior. Please do not think worse of me for it, and please know that even now I will never do anything to hurt you."

You knew. You'd known for nearly a year now that Diavolo would never harm you. If nothing else, tonight had simply shown you how much he truly cared for you. Life moving forward would be different for you both, but you never were one for doing things the normal way. You settled down in Diavolo's warm palm as something deep within your body began to shudder...

[franki-lew-yo]

The Romantic (2009, R, Gothic Fantasy/Horror), aka the most forgotten animated film in the world

What if I told you there was a movie under serious threat of becoming lost media with no clear reason as to WHY it's been lost other than no one has apparently watched it besides me and a few people on Reddit? What if I told you that movie wasn't half bad and would no doubt have some interest peeked if anyone DID know about it?

The name of that movie is The Romantic.

It was released in 2009 and it's Rated R for nudity and sex scenes [insert Robbie Rotten meme here], though none of it too graphic. It was a pet project created by animator Michael P. Heneghan, originally starting as a flash project for his animation class before he expanded it into a feature film. The film was inspired by movies such as The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth, but what I see every time I look at it is a touch of Jhonen Vasquez, Tim Burton, and Roman Dirge- the guy behind Lenore the Cute Little Dead Girl. It's flash animation especially remind me of the puppet-rigged toons of the 2000s (again like Salad Fingers or Lenore). It's not bad, it's just not inherently 'feature film' quality flash, nor is it exceptionally artistic like Sita Sings the Blues in it's simplicity. Like, really, if you happen to find this thing it's not the worst animated project at all it's just amateur for a professional production. I've seen worse flash movies. Heck, if The Romantic were released in separate parts on youtube or Newgrounds as a series (ala Homestuck) I'm sure it would have been really successful and totally in it's element. But it wasn't.

Because next to no one has seen it and I'm lucky to have not only ever seen it when it was available for free but have also found it recently (hush hush, I ain't telling you how) I'm going to actually give you all a plot synopsis under the cut. There will be some details I leave out and I think I've spelled some characters names wrong. It's a bit of a surrealist film as well, so you might need some things explained.

Spoilers ahead:

The Romantic is set in an autumnal, surrealist world inhabited by humans and monsters and ruled by three gods; Po the goddess of love; Pik the god of Hate; and Pjorrc the god of time though Pjorrc was made to live inside a pumpkin moon as everything he touched rabidly aged and died.

((Tapestry art featuring the main three gods of the film.))

A young man (called “Romance” or “The Romantic” by the other characters) performs a bull sacrifice in order to summon Abbledepopa, the unseen creator of the other gods and ‘storyteller’ of the world. The sacrifice does not conjure Abbledepopa but, when Romance spares a monster that was ready to eat him, the monster tells him of a profit named Patience. Patience is a foul-mouthed dwarf living alone with an army of babies who points Romance in the direction of Po.

((Romance outside of Patience's house.))

Romance wants the god’s help because he has fallen out of love with his girlfriend. Po grants him his desire and restores his love only for Romance to return home and find his girlfriend with another man. Blinded by heartache and rage, Romance kills her. He then swears vengeance on the gods for ‘making’ him do it. In the midst of this vow, a corrupt prophet called Fat Daddy kills the queen of Vauxhaul (Romance's home) and her guards, and forges a new body for his newborn son with their bodies. Fat Daddy rallies the townsfolk behind him in supposedly finding the Queen’s murder into follow a new religion called "The Poetic End".

((Romance (right) besides the monster he spared at the beginning of the movie.))

Patience accompanies Romance on his quest and tells him to take Po’s mask, which hides her true face, once he kills her. Romance buys Po’s trust by weaving her a tapestry that tells her story: in the dawn of time Po and Pjorrc were in love. However, Pjorrc gradually became distant and Po became resentful when their daughter, Love, earned Po's original title as the god of romance and love.

In the present day, Romance sleeps with Po for over a year before finally killing her and taking her mask. He and Patience return to his home of Vauxhul only to be chased out by Fat Daddy’s personal army. They flee to Marshallton, the town nearest to the god Pik.

((Romance's hometown of Vauxhul. ))

The king of Marshallton, King Crookie, tells Romance of a prophecy he, Patience, Fat Daddy and all the gods are a part of and that the world is soon to change. Romance then fights and successfully kills Pik when he shows the god of hate his reflection in a mirror King Crookie gave him, but not before losing his hand to Pik.

When Romance comes down the mountain he learns from Patience that nine years have passed since his fight with Pik began. Patience reveals to Romance what Pik saw in the mirror that allowed Romance to take the killing blow; after Love had grown up and married, Po asked Pik to tell her where her husband was always running off to. Pik reluctantly revealed Pjorrc was disguising himself as a human and married a mortal woman. Po found Pjorrc and his pregnant second wife, forcing Pjorrc to leave his human family behind, but not before asking his wife to name their son “Patience”. In retaliation for his treachery, Po proceeded to sleep with fifty men and produce the fifty bastard children in Patience’s house.

((Fat Daddy, the main villain.))

Marshallton and the entire rest of the world has fallen to the rule of Fat Daddy, who captures Romance and Patience. Fat Daddy tortures Patience into telling him how to get to Pjorrc but is unable to convince Romance to take part in his ‘new world’ or give him Po’s mask. Romance and Patience escape and leave the village to be torn apart by the fifty babies Po had, now transformed into veracious monsters after Patience didn’t feed them for the past ten years. Romance confronts Patience when he realizes the latter is Pjorrc’s son. Patience calls Romance out on his mantra of vengeance and points out that all his decisions are his own, not the gods, and instructs him to seek Love herself in Po’s basement. Patience then attempts to confront Pjorrc but is cornered and killed by Fat Daddy before he can do so.

In Po’s basement, Romance finds Love nailed to a wall, her face torn off and half eaten by her deformed husband. Love tells Romance that Po ripped off her daughter’s face in rage over Pjorrc’s infidelity and Pjorrc did not intervene fast enough. Po then threw Love into her basement, turned Love’s husband into a monster, and wore her daughter’s face as a mask - which Romance had broken into pieces moments ago after Patience had shown him his face in King Crookie’s mirror. Romance then finds Pjorrc hanging himself. As he dies, Pjorrc tells Romance to take the hand Fat Daddy had cut off and sew it onto himself, which will in turn help Romance defeat Abbledepopa.

Romance traverses the wasteland and does not find Abbledepopa, but instead a golden loom. Having seen all the destruction he and others had caused, Romance sits upon the loom and accepts his fate as the new ‘storyteller’ of the world, as he begins weaving a new one...

---

I mentioned before the animation quality of the film and why maybe that caused people to overlook it. The only other thing I could complain about on a technical level with The Romantic is it's sound design. Some of the voices and music is a little too quiet and so all these key details I had to go through the film a few times to really piece together. But that leads me to the thing I like about this movie and I'm sure others would to: the lore.

It's very hard to create a new fantasy world w it's own customs, religions, history and rules out of the blue as any YA Harry Potter/Hunger Games ripoff book could tell you. The Romantic is so unique in how it handles the pantheon and culture of these three gods and their kin; really only four or five characters throughout the entire story aren't connected to the gods or prophecy in some way, as there's the main three gods, Abbeldepappa, and the prophets Patience, Love and Fat Daddy, who make up your main cast besides Romance. There's a lot that's intentionally left unexplained and other info that must be explained, like Pjorrc and Po's marriage and Romance's feelings towards the gods, if we want to understand the former. The movie is paced pretty well and knows when to follow up on what, it's just that again some of those animation and editting shortcomings might make it hard to understand...but I don't think THAT hard. Look, if someone can enjoy Starchaser: The Legend of Orin or even better surrealist world-building films ((Fantastic Planet comes to mind)), then I say there's no reason The Romantic wouldn't have a following. There's no other way I can articulate why and what doesn't work about the story except just to recommend you watch it yourselves, but before I get into that I want to talk themes...because I love the themes and tone of The Romantic.

I revisited The Romantic a week before I made myself watch Centaurworld and The Owl House for the first time...and what a week that was~! The Romantic has the vibe of those kinds of shows along with Adventure Time and Infinity Train ((so I hear, I haven't watched the latter)). It's surreal and you'll only marvel at 'woooah wut an acid trip' for so long before you get into the vibe of the universe. It also reminded me substantially of the Broadway musical Hadestown and not just because this movie is also a self-contained, somewhat self aware fable about the relationships between humans and gods - it's very raw in how the characters talk. It's very emotional and blunt in how kind and how cruel they can be, and it doesn't make excuses or really worships any one of them. Romance himself is the world's most likable Incel: he murders a woman he thought he needed to love and blames his emotions on the gods of those passions...except the gods AREN'T the manifestations of love, time, and hate - they simply dictate and oversee it in the lives of men. It's a dynamic I really like in religious works where Gods are powerful but not all knowing or puppet masters to everyone's design- they have morality too and there is only so much you can blame and get from them.

"You made your gods into excuses and your excuses into gods!"

-Patience. This here is a cool quote. I like this quote.

No matter what, The Romantic is not gonna be a film for everyone. We all have our tastes - I think I'm drawn to it and accepting because I've come to love these kind of worlds that used to keep me up at night - these trippy 70s inspired fantasy landscapes given a whole Avatar: The Last Airbender degree of worldbuilding and character worth. It also doesn't feel exploitive in it's violence, it's sexuality, it's grimmness - it doesn't feel like it's trying to hard or going over the top because it happens to be an adult animated film, something that I love in movies like 9 or Hair High but really turns me off in stuff like Sausage Party or Wizards. Whatever go watch The Romantic...

if you can.

-----

When I first saw this film in 2016 it was actually very accessible and was even uploaded to youtube by the creator himself. I don't know WHAT happened to Michael P. Heneghan, but simply put, the man's disappeared...like...REALLY disappeared.

Lookit his IMDB. He has The Romantic and a wapping two other projects to his name. His Twitter isn't very helpful either. He last updated in early 2020 and he says next to nothing about The Romantic. It's so odd that he would one day be happy with the film enough to host it on Vimeo and Youtube but then just cop out.

According to a Reddit user: "On Valentines Day 2011, Heneghan released the film for free online through all kinds of platforms including direct download, bittorrent, Vimeo, and even directly through Archive.org. He even joked about releasing a 300 gig uncompressed version.

I know I watched it on Vimeo probably as recently as 2016. Now I can't find it anywhere. The website is dead, the Vimeo video went private, even the archive.org version has been taken down. It really looks like he wanted to wipe it off the face of the internet. His newer website mentions it, but again, the Vimeo link is dead and even that website is closed for business."

It's weeeird. What happened Michael?

And yes, obviously, other people worked on the movie.

No - I can't find out anything about them either.

I'm betting on three theories at the moment: 1) this film is an SCP or some Candle Cove weirdness with only me and a handful of people ANYWHERE remembering it, 2) something weird is going on w Michael Heneghan and it involves too something about this film. It was a scam or a scheme or a hidden agenda weirdness, 3) Heneghan's doing okay he just doesn't like this film anymore and wants it hidden while he takes a break.

Look, I get it Michael! What was once our life's worth can become cringe as you improve as an artist - you're not the person making the stuff you were ten years ago...but you should still have the film kept alive somehow. Someway.

I'm seriously the only person to have ever made fan art of this movie on the internet. That just doesn't happen, and I don't think I like being in a fandom of one. The Romantic is a testament to the power of design and storytelling > animation quality itself. Too often I see people equate good animation with smooth animation, with a budget with squash and stretch. These animations are good but art is diverse and there's so many kinds of films out there, the value of the medium can't just be in one style/form. There's a lot of honestly wonderful pieces of art out there if you know where to look and you're willing to see where it leads you.

Don't let The Romantic be the most forgotten movie of all time. Reblog this post. Show it to your friends. PM the animation community reviewer people like Saberspark and someone who isn't Saberspark and smuggle them a copy.

Keep telling the story...

[burnedbyshoto]

I wanted to make myself like the ravine

— There are plenty of things that Hawks knows about, but there are few he knows none about. A journey of how Hawks navigates the meaning of the word love. 

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pairing: hawks (takami keigo) x fem!reader

warnings: recent manga spoilers, future!au, alcohol consumption, fem!reader

word count: 6,819

a/n: this is for the pocuties valentines day collab! rhank you for letting me join! inspired by the poem to the title of this fic!

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A G A P E

—

Hawks is one of the fastest men in the world.

It’s not a brag; it’s the truth.

A cold, hard, damning truth.

Hawks is a Pro Hero with the power, skill, and finesse required to take the fall for the entire country. He is someone who is loved by all, who thrives off of the appreciation and the cheers, but he knows — he understands — he’s expendable. He’s a tool—an object seconds from being put to rest.

There are many things that Hawks knows; he’s been training to be a hero since he was in his very childhood. Blindfolded, tested and conditioned to be the ideal hero, the perfect pawn.

Hawks is no idiot, and he will never deny that often times that he isn’t sure what he is feeling.

Emotions are weird for him. Feelings are oversimplified in everything he was taught, yet disgustingly really and oddly interfering the second he had set foot into the spotlight. He was used to the cold, the people who would view him as a specimen, experiment 20493, codenamed: Fierce Winged Hawks. The only emotions he understood was apathy, seriousness, anger, resentment, bitterness, disappointment, and relief. When finally, finally, the Hero Commission broke his wings, his spine, and his mind, the small boy so eager to be a Hero ultimately nothing but a soldier, ready to follow commands to the T.

Hawks has only heard of love from the blurry, unclear memories of his childhood. His mother muttering how she had no love for him to be taking care of him as he did, or his father saying he could never love him. Love was foreign, strange, alien to him. Even when he was eighteen and finally given a bit of freedom from the chains the Hero Commission bound him in was expressed out of love. But he was put into the cage that granted him the ability to spread his stiff wings; love made no sense.

He saw lovers making out in alleyways, and he furrowed his eyebrows, wondering just why anyone would want to kiss in the smelly, dark, virus-infected areas. He saw his colleagues come in looking dazed, refreshed, reborn, yelling loudly, and singing poetry about their love for some other person they met just yesterday. He also couldn’t ignore the days, weeks, months later when they would rearrive with red-rimmed eyes, swollen eyes, and a tremor to their voice.

Love seemed… awful to Hawks.

Love was a deception of brain chemicals. Nothing more than your mind bending, flipping, and twisting to make something that made absolutely no sense make sense. 

Hawks had expressed that one day to a sidekick of his, his barriers and walls crumbling away because he had been on a stakeout for five days straight now. The world that could never keep up with him was numbing his brain.

“Well, that’s romantic and flirtatious love for ya,” his sidekick explained with a halfhearted shrug. It seemed that he both agreed and disagreed with what Hawks had to say. “They’re amazing loves, don’t get it wrong, and they definitely don’t make sense, but they’re loves not meant to last.”

Hawks blinked.

“What?”

His sidekick chuckled, hands rubbing at his eyes as he peered out the window again, his sullen eyes looking even more tired.

“Have you never learned the different types of love before, Hawks?” the sidekick teased as much as he was curious. “I figured a pro as popular and smart as you are would know the different types of love.”

Hawks feathers fluttered in his inability to keep his lack of knowledge to himself.

“I don’t.”

“Wow, finally something Hawks isn’t aware of!” the sidekick laughed, and his hand opened his phone, fingers hitting the screen before shoving the device into Hawks’ chest. “I’m sure you’ll find that you can understand at least one love.”

Hawks grabbed the phone, head cocking to the side in his curiosity as he scrolled down through the phone.

There were eight different types.

Eight different ones that he could have experienced within his then twenty-one years, and he found himself unable to look away from one.

Agape: universal, selfless love

“Hawks, they’re moving!” the sidekick squawked, and Hawks handed over the phone, and with nothing on his mind, burst out the window, ready to take down this organization.

Hawks had to admit that later that night, when he was finally able to sleep in his own bed, he felt selfless love. It was for the people of Japan. The many citizens who needed his help and the heroes of the country who rose to the demands of the job. Maybe it wasn’t the type of love depicted in anything he’s ever read or watched before, but that was okay. It was love.

The love he has for the citizens is enough to keep his head afloat.

This is the only love he needs in his life right now, the only love that matters.

But he’s no longer twenty-one, he’s twenty-five, and the wings on his back that feel practically invisible to him, are hurting. His back is in pain, his quirk almost gone, save for the smallest, insignificant feathers perching from the stumps of what was his beginnings of a wingspan. It still burns, phantom singes and phantom heat whenever he thinks about his nearly gone, never to be grown again, wings.

“Well, Hawks, you already know that this is going to happen,” comes the cold voice of one of the board members of the Hero Commission. A man who had practically raised (see managed) him. 

Today was the end of Hawks life, more or less.

“AFO, Shigaraki Tomura, and the well-known former members of the League of Villains were finally stopped,” Hawks speaks with a nod. He knows, even though he could not be a soldier, he had been around to see the young UA students, Endeavors Interns, bring them to justice.

The biggest names of evil were dead, and Hawks already knew he was over.

To be fair, he was glad it was over.

But still, it hurt to hear the indifference in his voice, the apathy, the tedium.

“Operation: Fierce Wings - Hawks is officially over.”

“I could’ve figured that one out pretty easily,” Hawks jests, unable to show the way his heart twisted and withered under the knowledge that he was no longer a hero. His love, his agape, for the people were still there. Still, just as he recognized in his colleagues who were experiencing the different forms of love, it didn’t matter how much love you held for someone, something, for the innocent, helpless people…

Life takes, it destroys, and love doesn’t seem to have a chance.

“Thank you for your twenty years of service. I hope you find the freedom you had been looking for.”

P H I L A U T I A

It’s been a week.

Seven days, twenty-one hours, sixteen minutes, and thirty-four seconds since Hawks was fired (see Honorably Discharged) as a Pro Hero.

Hawks has always felt that the world moved oh so slowly behind him. It had been his wish that heroes be able to relax, laze around because society had evolved enough that criminals knew better, were treated better, and could integrate into a truly peaceful society.

It had been his dream.

But right now, he was bored.

B o r e d.

“Fuck, I don’t care,” Hawks grumbled, face smooshing into a pillow as he watched the Netflix Series Bridgerton drone on the screen. “Dump his ass.”

His apartment, it was safe to say, was a mess. There were cups, bowls, plates, and chopsticks everywhere. His hair was ruffled, stringy, held back by a hair clip he had stolen from Miruko. His beard was nearly fully grown in, and there were bags under his eyes despite the fact he was sleeping for more hours of the day than staying awake. He was sore, tired, bored.

So bored.

He didn’t think being bored was going to suck this much, going to hurt him like this.

Fuck.

“Open the damn door, bird boy!” came a sharp scream and powerful kick from the front door.

Hawks glared at the door, the tiniest of feathers he had been able to regrow, trying to pathetically open the lock on the door. A sheen layer of sweat pushed against his forehead, and Hawks grunted, trying to lift the heavy lock.

BAM.

The door swung open, forcefully kicked open by none other than Pro Hero Miruko.

“Yo!” Miruko waved, lips pulled in a fierce grin as she entered through the broken doorway with nothing but a bag of unknown items. “I figured you were here!”

“...you broke my door,” Hawks pointed out, eyes narrowed as dust and destruction danced within the air.

“You took too long,” Miruko breezed, slamming her plastic bag on the kitchen island. “It’s a fucking rats nest in here, birdbrain; I thought you were somewhat organized?”

Hawks groaned loudly, sinking further into his couch as Miruko began reorganizing his kitchen area — dumping the dirty dishes into the sink and throwing things away in fast, practiced skill. “Life is too boring, and I’m too bored to do anything about all of the mess,” Hawks exaggerates partially, hand twisting and dancing as he speaks. “Thanks for cleaning up the mess.”

“I’m not cleaning up your damn mess, birdbrain,” Miruko barks out a laugh, her hands slamming against the now, somehow, clean surface. “I’m just making my life easier!”

Hawks looked over the top of the couch with a semi impressed, semi uncaring look and shrugged.

“You seem to have a great handle over those robot limbs now,” he points out.

Sure enough, Miruko had two bionic limbs, limbs that she had finally managed to work into a fighting career. After spending two years on the sideline, relearning how to walk and then fight, she was back on the field.

She was a hero again, despite it all, unlike him.

“Damn right, I’m amazing!” Miruko preened, chest puffed, and bunny tail wagging excitedly. “But anyway, I figured your dumbass would be depressed, so I brought you some shit.”

Hawks watched with a curious gaze as Miruko quickly hopped once from where she was in the kitchen to a place on his couch, landing on Hawks' legs unintentionally.

“OW!”

“Look at what Rumi brought you,” Miruko laughed, slapping Hawks on the back as he cradled his legs. “And yes, I just referred to myself in the third person, so shush.”

Hawks grumbled, lips in a half pout, half frown.

Taking the opaque bag from Miruko, Hawks pulled out the many items in the bag.

Carrots, a KFC gift card, Korean skincare products, a movie about Miruko’s recovery process, and a 1001 Things to Do (A Book on Finding Self Love).

Hawks stares at the book.

“The perfect items for a self-care, self-love spa day,” Miruko nods, once again slapping Hawks on the back. “Some old sidekick of yours told me that you don’t know what love is, so I figured that I would help teach you the most important one! Self-love! Truly the hardest one to master, in my opinion, but damn if it isn’t a good one.”

Hawks feels transfixed almost, unable to look away from the book as Miruko slaps him on the back yet again as she moves to leave. He hears her yelling about forwarding the bill to fix his door to her, her agency would pay for the damage, and how she’s off to train with some bunny hopping boy from UA.

Opening the book, Hawks looked at the number one thing to do on the book and sighed.

#1: Look in a mirror and name five things you LOVE about yourself.

Well, it’s not like he has anything better to do.

-

Hawks is on number thirteen (Stand at a bridge and scream into the void about the things you love at dusk) when he realizes that maybe… he doesn’t love himself. 

It is without saying that he loves people; agape, after all, is the only love type that made sense to him, but philautia, self-love, was way lost on him. Objectives 2 - 12 on the book were entertaining to do! They had Hawks going outside of his house much more than his week trapped indoors, and for the first time since the day his wings had been burnt off, his house was spotless.

But it was clear to Hawks that he didn’t feel love for himself.

Whenever he tried to convince himself that he should love himself, that there were terrific qualities in himself, he thought back to the dirty, burnt room. 

“I still gotta protect their happiness!” the phantom in his mind screamed, the broken sob collected in his throat.

Hawks shivered, unable to let himself recognize the pain and hurt in the phantom's eyes, or the way that he now wished he had never done that… why had he done that?

What a mess…

The small chirping of Hawks phone interrupts his morose thoughts. He looks at the screen, eyebrows raising in slight mirth and caution as none other than his former intern was currently calling him.

“Tsukuyomi-kun!” Hawks laughs into the receiver, the weight of his past for a moment forgotten. “How are ya?!”

“Hello, Hawks-sensei,” Tokoyami’s calm tone fills Hawks' ears. “I was calling because I have a request to make.”

“Name it,” Hawks spoke immediately, slouching against the cold bars of the bridge, eyes closing as he tried to relax. “You need a letter of rec or something?”

“Nothing of the sort, actually,” Tokoyami says. “We third-year students are graduating in a few days; I was inquiring if you would attend on my behalf.”

“Wow, Tsukuyomi-kun, no need to be so formal with me!” Hawks laughed delightedly, his hands carting through his feather-like hair, “I’d love to come and watch you guys graduate! Is it true that the finger-smashing boy is the valedictorian?”

“That would be false, Midoriya-kun has nothing on Yaoyorozu-san.”

“What a bummer, you’d think he’d be first after how he helped win the war for us, huh?”

“You’ll find that Yaoyorozu-san is highly gifted and undeterred by most things,” Tokoyami sighed. For a moment, Hawks chuckled at the melancholy tone to his old intern's voice. It sounded as if he had been striving with great difficulty to reach the highest marks as well. 

Hawks began speaking to his rather odd ex-intern with great curiosity with the blanket of the night surrounding him. His defenses and thoughts whittling away the more they spoke, the later it got in the morning.

“Ne, Tokoyami-kun, I have a question?”

“Concerning what?”

Hawks pauses, his brows furrowing as he looks up into the still dark sky, “Do you know how to love yourself?”

Silence.

Had it been anyone else, Hawks would have panicked at the lack of noise. Still, his already less than chatty intern typically took to not speaking much to begin with.

“Self-love is difficult,” Tokoyami finally spoke, his words slow, carefully chosen. “We humans are flawed; we all have demons. Most of the time, we only recognize and see our demons, oftentimes forgetting that being human also means being weak and at times immoral. Loving oneself is a hard task because we know ourselves better than any other. It’s a work in progress for everyone to love oneself, it's a type of love by the Ancient Greeks, but it’s not always everpresent. One must accept all flaws to love oneself, and remember that flaws don’t make you less, even if you believe otherwise.”

“...wow, I asked for a sentence answer, and you gave me a speech. Who would’ve known you were so in check with your emotions, Tokoyami!”

“You knew, I’ve already revealed this side of me before. You laughed last time too.”

Hawks finds himself home thirty minutes later, and he stares up at the ceiling, fingers drumming against his chest.

Self-love… it seems like an ever-evolving type of love, but it’s there. He knows that even if he has regrets and hardships and things he hates about himself, deep down, self-love exists and that it will exist. 

Patience.

Even the fastest man in the world could demonstrate patience.

L U D U S

“What can I get for ya?”

“I have no idea honestly, do you have any recommendations?”

Hawks could say with complete honesty that he felt entirely out of place.

He was at a local bar. The bar was semi-busy today. Most young adults dressed in an arrangement of clothes, each on a different level of soberness as they cheered to this and that. 

Why was he at a bar even though he was slightly uncomfortable? Well, you can blame #73 in the book for that.

(#73: Enter the first bar you find, order a drink, and flirt!)

“What type of liquor do you like? Hard or soft?”

Hawks blinked; he didn’t know.

“Hard?”

The bartender looked a bit unsure of him for a bit before nodding and turning his back to him.

Did hard liquor mean he was going to get an iced drink? He’s never consumed alcohol before.

“Here you go!” the bartender sang, slamming two shot glasses before him. “Two shots of Bacardi.”

“Oh, thank you?” Hawks tilted his head as a small cup of OJ was placed in front of him (“That’s your chaser,” the bartender had laughed). Bringing the small glass shot glass up, Hawks looked around at the throngs of people surrounding the bar and looked at you. You were cheering loudly as you raised your own shot glass in the air with a whoop and, in a fast, fluid motion, brought the shot glass to your mouth and took the liquid down easily. Hawks was definitely unimpressed now; that looked entirely too easy. “Here we go, cheers to me.”

Imitating your own actions, Hawks shot back the liquid in his shot glass, and immediately his entire body tensed.

EW.

NO.

EW.

OH GOD, NO!

Spitting out the sour, bitter, disgusting — dear god, how do you even describe this taste?! — liquid, Hawks, chugged the OJ, his lungs and throat and tongue burning from the shot.

“That was disgusting!” Hawks spat to absolutely no one, his hands covering his mouth as he stared at the other awaiting shot of ‘Bacardi.’ “Why would anyone drink that?!”

“Only madmen drink Bacardi while sober,” a voice joined in on Hawks' one-sided conversation. “Or bitches who are self-sabotagers. Never trust a hoe who says Bacardi is their favorite drink.”

Hawks turned around to see you, the girl he had regrettably underestimated for taking the shot, smiling at him with a not entirely sober look to your face. 

“You look like neither. That and the way you took the shot obviously means that you had no idea what you were drinking.” Hawks continued to stare at you, completely perplexed by your casual conversation, the dress on your body that was twisted a bit, screaming wonders about your level of sobriety. You took to the empty barstool beside him with a grin and a calculating look, “You’re Hawks, right?”

“Yeah, Hawks,” he spoke, his tongue feeling weird in his mouth as he bowed stiffly in his chair. You were beautiful, fuck.

“I’m y/l/n, nice to meet you!” you speak easily, fingers grabbing at his other filled shot glass with a concerned look. “I have a feeling you shouldn’t try to take this other shot.”

“Dying of alcohol definitely isn’t in my vision of ways to go out,” Hawks grins. Pushing through his haze of awkwardness as you shift in the barstool so that you’re now facing him entirely, knees pressed to his thigh. “I’ve never actually drunk before?”

You inhale sharply, your eyes going wide as you break all levels of personal contact that’s acceptable of strangers in Japan and grab his cheeks.

“Alcohol virgin?!” you gasp, the sweet smell of some liquid drafting from your breath. “I’ll teach you everything that I know, don’t worry!”

You let go of his face, neck turning away from him, looking for the bartender to flag him down.

“Don’t you have—?”

“They can wait,” you wave at the bartender before turning back to Hawks with a confident grin on your face. “I have my favorite Pro Hero right beside me; I think they’ll understand.”

“Alright, what is it that I need to know?”

“My full name,” you breeze with a wink. “Y/l/n y/n.”

“A beautiful name.”

“I am a beautiful woman.”

Hawks chuckled good-naturedly, his head nodding in agreement, “I think we were talking about the alcohol, though, not your attraction as a female.”

“All in good time, all in good time,” you laugh, taking to the bartender and ordering two drinks, both of which were entirely foreign to Hawks.

Hawks would not consider himself to be an expert at flirting. He was attractive, a great conversationalist, and did have a type of edge to his words that often seemed playful or a warning, depending on how you looked at it. But it appeared that his natural way of speaking was more than enough to make him flirtatious enough to match the way you spoke to him.

You had introduced him to a single mixed drink, telling him that getting drunk by yourself at a bar typically wasn’t a smart thing, so keep to something with a low alcohol percentage. Just enough to make you loosen up, but not enough that you were incapable of getting home. Hawks liked the way your hand rested on his forearm. How you smiled and laughed at something to show your interest but not at everything to show that you weren’t faking your amusement at what he was saying.

You matched his every word, not backing down from his bluffs. Soon enough, Hawks felt his cheeks warm when he finally looked directly at your smiling face (he wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or not). 

Eventually, though, the night ended, and you shimmied off the bar stool as your friends had come to collect you to leave.

“Can I get your number?” you ask, eyes mostly entirely sober as you handed him your phone. “I know you were the man who was just a bit too fast, but I think I can handle that.”

Hawks snorts, his eyes rolling in his amusement, “That was horrible.”

“I’m drunk, I have an excuse!” you exclaim with a pout that quickly turns into a giddy smile as Hawks enters his number to your phone. “Don’t worry though, once I’m sober, I’ll flirt your eyebrows clean off!”

“That sounds painful!” Hawks yells as you wave goodbye, your arms linked with a line of other girls as you leave the bar with teasing laughter and undecipherable words.

It was with you that Hawks realized that he had come to find a new type of love.

Ludus, the love of flirtation and playfulness.

Damn, who would’ve known.

P H I L I A

Hawks was having a pretty bad day.

It wasn’t anything super terrible happening, all things considered. It was a lovely day out; the sun was warm, the sky so blue, and the birds chirping. Nothing on the news to be concerned about and all his precious people were safe.

But it was still a bad day because instead of being out and about with you, his now borderline best friend/girlfriend, who he was stupidly having a crush on, he was stuck at home.

Hawks was sick.

Deliriously, stuffy nose, goopy eyed, chapped lips, and feverish sick.

You: Are you sure you’re fine????

Hawks: Im perfectly okay. Ill go with you to the park next time sorry

You: Thats not what im concerned about stupid!!!!!

Hawks: Bye have fun!

You: I knoW YOURE SICK ASSHOLE

Hawks chuckled, rereading his messages with you.

Blowing his nose for what felt like the umpteenth time, Hawks resumed the movie on the screen that you had recommended him to watch — Disney’s Chicken Little — because it reminded you of him, or something like that. The TV droned on with the movie, and Hawks found it hard to keep focused as the Sandman danced on his head and whispered in his ear.

He hadn’t noticed he had fallen asleep until a loud banging was heard on his door.

Shuffling towards the door, Hawks opened the still slightly broken door with bleary eyes and a stuffy nose.

In front of him was none other than you.

You… with a basket full of things.

“Hi!” you greeted him, pushing past Hawks easily and walking into his apartment. “You look worse than I thought you would be!”

“That's hurtful,” Hawks pouted, closing the door behind you, sneezing, then following after you. “Why are you here? I thought you w-were — achoo — going to the park?”

“I was, but we were supposed to go together to check off number 184, and I wasn’t about to go alone to complete a list meant for you!” you exclaimed, dumping the overfilled basket on the kitchen counter.

“Mm,” Hawks hummed, his voice dry and cracking as he pulled the blanket closer around him. “What’s this?”

“A get well care basket,” you say in an unmistakable like tone; you glance at him, smiling widely, and gesture dramatically to the basket. “Follow along, if you can.”

“Pfft.”

“So first, I have some sleepytime tea; I swear to the gods and back that this tea will cure you and knock you the fuck out,” you say, pulling out the thing on top of the basket and putting it to the side. “Next, we have some tissues because you obviously need them.”

“Hey!”

Hawks watched through red-rimmed eyes as you carefully and thoroughly explained what and why you had brought him. Fuzzy socks, a blanket, his favorite snacks and drinks, medicine, DVD’s to more movies you told him he had to watch, an embarrassing childhood picture of you that he had been wanting and swore he would never expose least he wants to die, more oils for his diffuser, and a signed Endeavor poster he had been wanting.

Safe to say that after he had been drugged up, eating some soup and drinking some tea on the couch, wrapped up in the blanket you had bought him, laying between your legs, Hawks was feeling much, much better. It had been hours since Hawks had coughed or sneezed, and he was talking with you about how Disney movies were being produced less and getting sort of worse with each one. The movie titan slowly losing its ground.

“Okay, it’s almost eleven pm; I have work tomorrow, you are still sick, let's pack it up!” you eventually say during a moment of comfortable silence.

“I can’t believe you have to work,” Hawks sniffled, standing up off the couch so that you could get up. “Seems like a crime.”

“It’s not so bad! Being a celebrity PR manager is a million times easier than a hero PR manager. At least we can help decide what's seen!” you laugh, helping to clean up his living room of the bags of chips and drinks.

“Sure, sure,” Hawks grins, keeping the trashcan open for you so that you could place the trash in. “Thank you.”

Walking you towards the front door, Hawks comes to the sudden and almost alarming realization that he doesn’t want you to leave. He wants you to stay. He thought this was a friendship, and it was one, a good one at that! For about a month now, he had known that there was a type of love he had for you, one of friendship.

It was called philia. 

So why did he want to keep you wrapped up in a hug, to pull you close and press a gentle kiss to your forehead, to your cheek, to your lips?

“—I’ll be back tomorrow to check up on you during my lunch break,” you say, slipping on your shoes as you pull on your jacket. “If you need anything at all, call or text—”

The words on your tongue die immediately when Hawks still slightly chapped lips press against yours. The sick must that was present earlier on the day is no longer there, and you can feel heat and fire bursting from your cells as Hawks pulls away from you.

“I’m sorry,” Hawks breathes out, a small smile on his face, a daze in his eyes that tells you he definitely was not completely sorry. “I couldn’t resist anymore?”

“W-We will talk about that later!” your voice squeaks, your heart hammering in your throat because fucking Hawks kissed you. “If I-I get sick, I’ll rip out your eyebrows!”

“Will you go out with me? On a date?” Hawks continues on, leaning on the doorframe you’ve yet to pass.

“...I hate you, yes,” you warble, hands pressing against your burning face as Hawks grin grows.

“Perfect, I’ll text you,” he allows you to pass through the doorway where you feel both entirely light and giddy yet awkward and mechanical.

“Hawks, I swear, if your stupid kiss got me sick!”

“You’ll rip out my eyebrows,” Hawks laughs, waving a hand. “If you rip out my eyebrows, I demand a kiss for every hair you pluck out.”

He laughs at how he can basically see the heat rising from your ears as you squawk and run away.

Looking at #184 of his book, Hawks smiles as he crosses it out (#184: Ask out your crush!) and sighs. Philia was love between friends, but it was also, if he remembered correctly, one of affection. And it was without saying that he held a deep affection for you.

E R O S

As much as Hawks claimed he knew about the world, he was as clueless as a newborn baby when it came to the topic of love. Reasoning? Well, today marked a year of being together. It had been a year since Hawks had kissed you when he was snot-nosed kissed (you did get sick, by the way, and while you didn’t rip out his eyebrows, Hawks had kissed you plenty in apology), and then took you on a date where you went to a trampoline palace.

He was clumsily romantic. More often than not, he wasn’t actually romantic. Still, the sincere thought and emotions he put into it made his actions seem so thoughtful and sweet.

You’re not sure why you actually believed that on your year anniversary, he was going to plan something for the two of you. So the reaction he had when you showed up on the year anniversary, armed with a bouquet of flowers and a small personal gift for him, Hawks looked deeply confused.

“This is still not bad!” you exclaim, watching as Hawks attempts to redecorate his apartment from the messy bachelor vibe into something of romance. It was easier said than done, especially as your boyfriend had no decorations in his house that wasn’t fanboy or bird material.

“I didn’t realize that one year anniversaries were meant to be out and about!” Hawks yelled back, failing to nail the fairy lights onto the ceilings. “I knew you wanted to do something, but I thought it was going to be like ‘let’s go get some KFC!’ sort of thing!”

“Definitely not,” you laugh, sitting on his couch with the take out food sitting on the table. It had just arrived, and Hawks was still not accepting the lack of romance in his apartment. “But it’s okay, really Hawks! I didn’t tell you, which is entirely my fault! Come on, let's watch something together, eat, and relax!”

Hawks sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

He should have known that one year anniversaries were a big thing in dating too. They sure were in businesses; what a rookie mistake. Not satisfied with the lack of romance in his apartment but also unable to do anything more to it, Hawks sulked over to the couch and sat beside you, grabbing his dinner plate.

“Thanks, dove.”

“You’re most welcome, baby vulture. Thank you for the food!” you grin, breaking the chopsticks and digging in.

The food is eaten with a mirthful conversation, the TV playing the 100 Funniest Hero Fails playing on Youtube. Eventually, the purples and pinks of the sky became dark.

Night is here.

Hawks went from sitting right beside you to lying on the couch and having you snuggled into his stomach at some point in the night. YouTube is no longer playing Hero Compilation videos. Still, it is now instead showing a chef with a giraffe quirk demonstrating how to make your very own pancake treehouse, no clickbait!

Hawks is transfixed on you, watching the way your eyes sparkle and shine as you stare up at the screen, your lips moving as you give your side commentary, but he can’t hear a thing.

Five weeks ago, on this day, was the day that Hawks realized that the philia love he had for you had evolved once again. It had become one of eros. Romantic, passionate love. He loved you; he loves you. Anything you wanted or needed in the world, Hawks would do anything to give it to you. He had yet to tell you said realization; after all, he needed to make sure it wasn’t some fluke but found himself chickening out each time he wanted to confess.

Gliding his thumb against your cheekbone, Hawks stared adoringly at you, head tilted as you laughed at the video before glancing up at him. It was evident that you hadn’t been expecting him to be staring at you so intensely. As soon as you glanced back at the TV, you snapped right back, curiosity blazing off your gaze.

“What’s up?” you asked, hands pressing to his chest as you lift up a bit. “Do I have something on my face?”

“I love you,” Hawks whispered, the words coming out so much easier than he thought it would. “Y/l/n y/n, I love you.”

Your eyes widen significantly, your jaw dropping as your eyes grow just a bit watery.

Hawks smiles softly, knowing that for so long you had told him you loved him without a single moment where he returned the affection. It hadn’t bothered you. Obviously, you knew why he didn’t say it, but finally hearing him say it seemed to break you just a bit in the best of ways. He kisses you softly, fingers wiping away the single tear that fell.

“I love you,” he repeats.

“I love you too, Hawks,” you blubber, your smile so bright yet wobbling with your heartfelt emotions.

“Takami Keigo,” Hawks corrects. “My name is Takami Keigo.”

Hawks watches as you process his name, and a wet laugh bubbles from your throat as you nod your head, hands reaching behind his neck to pull him close for the first soul-consuming, fiery kiss of the night.

“I love you, Keigo.”

If this wasn’t eros, well, then, Hawks didn’t know what it was.

P R A G M A

two years later, valentines day

Keigo sits on the bed, fingers adjusting the tie around his neck as he stares at you doing your makeup in the bathroom. Your eyes intensely concentrated on your reflection as you painted dark red lips on yourself.

To sum up the last two years in a single, simple phrase, Keigo would say that love now made even less sense to him.

It wasn’t precisely that it made perfect sense before. Some days he still argued and wondered about how love could exist in specific scenarios. Or why, after you stole his final KFC chicken leg he was saving, he could always love you after such betrayal. It made no sense to him, but also made perfect sense, hence the complete confusion.

But it was without saying that as you twirled in your outfit in front of him, a grin plastered so large and lovingly on your features, that it made sense.

How could he not love when he had someone like you.

The walk to the restaurant was perfect; he had even taken a moment to slow dance with you when you came across some performers. Your sweet smile meant just for him made Keigo hum contently as he kissed you gently.

Dinner was amazing. The food rich and luscious, entirely to die for that had the both of you moaning about how great it was before laughing because the waitress definitely heard that. After dinner was over, you and Keigo were now waiting on desserts when he simply grabbed your left hand and slid a simple ring over a very important finger before placing a kiss on your palm.

“I know I was at one point too fast, and maybe I think I was too slow to ask this, but would you like to wake up and have chicken with me every day?” Keigo asked, watching as your face went through a million stages of understanding, processing, internalizing, accepting, and pure emotions.

The kiss was sloppy and wet, the tears streaming down your face beautifully, like diamonds in the dark sky.

It was today that Keigo unlocked the last love he ever thought he would have.

Pragma: committed, enduring love.

[sickficsforthesoul]

Here is a second prompt!

Epileptic Suga having a seizure for the first time in front of the first years, maybe in a tougher situation to handle like a bus ride 👀

:)

-Lu

This one took me a little while, but it's done now, so enjoy! As mentioned in a prior post, this fic is part of the Setter Health Conditions (SHC) universe, so it might be referenced in other fics taking place in the universe. (Fun fact, this fic was originally titled "Into the Sugaverse" before I edited the title to be less cryptic.)

That One Bus Trip

Epileptic Suga with caretaker Daichi

Word count: 3447 words

Daichi was stressed. That wasn’t a new thing, though. With three siblings and two very busy parents, Daichi’s life was near-constant chaos. Though right now, the current cause of Daichi’s stress was sitting right next to him. Suga was curled up against Daichi on the bus seat. They were driving home from a weekend training camp in Tokyo. It was only early evening, but Suga looked quite sleepy leaning against Daichi’s arm.

“Are you okay, Suga?” Daichi asked quietly. They were seated near the back of the bus to keep an eye on everyone. The first years sat in the row in front of Daichi and Suga, and Daichi didn’t want to broadcast Suga’s private business to them (or anyone else on the bus, for that matter).

“Yeah,” Suga groaned as he shifted against Daichi’s arm. “Just feeling kind of off, ya know?”

Daichi’s eyes widened in alarm. “What kind of “off,” Suga? Like off off?”

“Off off,” Suga agreed, pressing the side of his face into Daichi’s club jacket.

“Do you want me to get someone?” Daichi muttered urgently.

This wasn’t good. Feeling off off was how Suga liked to refer to having an aura, and an aura meant a seizure was coming soon. And to make matters worse, they were on a bus, hours away from home. If Suga had a seizure now, it would be chaos. Everyone would panic because only Daich, Asahi, and Mr. Takeda knew about Suga’s epilepsy (Daichi wasn’t sure if Coach Ukai knew, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Suga never mentioned his condition. Suga was very shy about sharing his epilepsy with others. It had taken Daichi and Asahi cornering a first year Suga in the locker room after a particularly long practice to get Suga to tell them anything, and they were some of Suga’s closest friends.)

“No,” Suga murmured. “I have my medication. I’ll take it, so hopefully, things won’t get too bad.”

Suga leaned forward and rummaged through the bag at his feet, producing a medicine bottle seconds later. Daichi grabbed a water bottle from his own bag and presented it to Suga, who took it gratefully. Suga shook out one pill from the bottle and swallowed it down with a gulp of water. He handed the bottle back to Daichi and bent down to his bag again.

Daichi turned to his bag to distract himself from all the possible futures flashing through his mind. Even though Suga had taken his medication, that didn’t guarantee nothing would happen. Similar to migraine prevention medication, Suga’s medicine only worked some of the time. Daichi was praying to every deity in existence that it would work this time because he hated Suga seizing in any circumstance, but especially on a bus with their loud, emotional teammates. Suga didn’t seem too panicked on the surface, but Daichi was keenly aware of the setter’s clenched hands and furrowed brow. Suga was worried too, but he was far too prideful to ever tell anyone directly.

“Let me know if you need anything,” Daichi ordered, voice low to keep their conversation discreet.

“Okay,” Suga yawned, “I think I’m gonna take a nap. This medicine always makes me drowsy.”

“Alright,” Daichi nodded slightly. “Just try to stay calm. Getting worked up will only make everything worse.”

“I know, Daichi,” Suga huffed good-naturedly. “I’ve been dealing with this for years. I think I know how to take care of myself.”

Daich chuckled and patted Suga’s head with his free hand. “I know, I know. But I’m still worried, you know. I’m your best friend and your captain. I think I have the right to worry about you sometimes.”

“You’re such a dad, Daichi,” Suga snickered mischievously. “Dad... Daichi… Oh! Dadchi! From now on, I’m gonna call you Dadchi.”

Daichi sighed wearily. “How can you be so responsible one minute and then so childish the next?”

“It’s a gift,” Suga smiled goofily. Then a yawn escaped his mouth, and he blinked slowly.

“Take a nap, Suga,” Daichi said, slipping off his jacket to drape over the setter. “You’re tired, and it’ll make you feel better.”

Suga hummed in agreement, leaning against Daichi’s side and snuggling under the jacket. He sighed contently and closed his eyes. Within minutes, Suga was sleeping comfortably against Daichi’s shoulder. Daichi smiled at the sight, silently resigning himself to being Suga’s pillow for the rest of the bus ride. They still had over three hours left until they reached Karasuno High School, so Daichi was hoping Suga would be able to take a good, long nap until they arrived.

With Suga sleeping soundly, Daichi could finally relax. He gazed out the window at the setting sun, admiring the beautiful colors as the sun disappeared from the sky. Suga’s body was warm, Daichi noticed. Not feverish, but warm enough to keep Daichi’s body pleasantly warm as well. The bus was also fairly quiet. Most of their teammates were either reading or playing video games (even Kageyama was attempting to work a DS after Hinata’s incessant nagging). After two days of grueling training, Daichi’s body was begging for a break, and between the warmth and quiet murmurings of his teammates, Daichi felt himself nodding off too. His head drooped against Suga’s, and Daichi was asleep almost instantly.

X

When Daichi awoke, he noticed light flashing through the very dark bus. Lifting his head drowsily, Daichi quickly found the light source. Someone (probably Tanaka or Noya) had brought a portable DVD player onto the bus, and everyone (minus Suga, Daichi, and Asahi, who had donned an eyemask and fell asleep sometime after Daichi had) was gathered around it watching a movie of some sort.

Daichi yawned and pulled out his phone. He sent a quick text to Ennoshita asking about what movie they were watching. Ennoshita replied with the title (“Into the Spider-Verse,” apparently) along with what he’d missed so far. The movie was only a third of the way done, so Daichi hadn’t missed too much. Suga was still sleeping soundly, so Daichi didn’t dare move. He couldn’t see the movie, but that was fine so long as Suga was asleep and calm.

Suga continued to sleep for another half hour at least while Daichi ignored the DVD player in favor of looking at his phone. During that time, Ennoshita texted frequent updates on the movie, summarizing the plot, characters, and visuals with stunning clarity. Daichi would occasionally see some bright flashes of light, but he was too focused on his phone to register the problem the lights might pose. Daichi was snickering at the reveal of Doctor Octavius when Suga stirred next to him.

“You’re up, huh?” Daichi murmured to a drowsy Suga.

“Yeah…” Suga yawned, eyes still shut.

“Are you feeling better?” Daichi asked gently.

“A little, yeah,” Suga hummed, shifting to a sitting position and cracking open his eyes.

“That’s good, at least,” Daichi smiled, reaching over to grab his jacket from Suga’s lap.

“I guess,” Suga sighed, his brown eyes still half-lidded with exhaustion. “What’s going on?”

“We’re watching a movie. Into the Spider-Verse, apparently.” Daichi lifted his phone to show Suga the screen. “Ennoshita’s been keeping me updated. He’s actually pretty good at it too.”

Suga grabbed the phone and scrolled to the beginning of Ennoshita’s recent texts. He took a moment to read before handing the phone back to Daichi. “You’re right. He is pretty good. Is the movie still on?”

“Yes,” Daichi nodded, “The DVD player’s in the aisle. We can watch it if we move over a little.”

“Let’s watch it,” Suga replied. “It’s not like we have anything better to do right now.”

“Okay,” Daichi agreed easily, sliding over into the aisle to watch the movie. Suga moved too, taking Daichi’s now-vacant seat.

They settled down to watch the movie without much trouble. The occasional bright flash made Suga wince and turn away for a moment, but the instances were infrequent, so Daichi didn’t think much of them. Suga seemed to be enjoying the movie too. He laughed at the jokes and fawned over the action sequences. Daichi wasn’t surprised. He’d known about Suga’s nerdy side for a while now.

To be fair, Daichi was also enjoying the movie. The soundtrack and animation were very well done, and Daichi was always a sucker for action movies. Perhaps that was why Daichi forgot about the danger the movie could pose to Suga. Daichi was so absorbed in the movie that he failed to notice Suga’s furrowed brows and rapidly paling face. The final straw for Suga’s fragile health was the collider scene. The frantic, aggressive flashes of light sent Suga’s body headfirst into an epileptic episode.

At first, Daichi thought Suga was just shivering. Small trembles wracked Suga’s frame, but when the trembles grew stronger and more sporadic, Daichi became concerned. Turning away from the DVD player, he squinted through the dark at his best friend, and what Daichi saw was horrible. Suga’s body spasmed erratically while Suga’s eyes were blown wide with panic and distress. Tears slipped down Suga’s cheeks as a soft whine escaped his mouth. Suga’s eyes settled on Daichi, silently begging for help.

Daichi was panicking, but Suga needed him, so he had to focus. Daichi quickly wrapped his jacket around Suga’s head and neck, creating a cushion to protect the vulnerable areas during Suga’s thrashing. Then he carefully scooted Suga’s body farther into the seat, so he wouldn’t fall off and hit something against the bus floor. With Suga in a secure position, there was nothing left to do now but time the seizure and wait for it to end. Daichi hated this part the most because he was powerless to help his best friend.

Their teammates slowly started to notice that something was wrong. Suga’s breathing was irregular and audible over the movie to the people sitting near Daichi and Suga. Ennoshita sent him a text a minute later to make sure everything was okay. Daich responded with a cryptic text that told Ennoshita something was wrong but didn’t specify what. Naturally, Ennoshita sent more texts, each becoming more and more worried, though he thankfully had the sense to keep his inquiries in texts instead of voicing them aloud.

Suga’s trembles finally slowed, and Daichi checked the clock on his phone. The seizure had lasted for just over two minutes. While not ideal, the seizure was still under five minutes. Seizures lasting longer than five minutes tended to be the most dangerous ones, so at least Suga avoided that.

Now that the seizure was over, Daichi needed to get Suga help. So Daichi got to his feet and walked down the bus aisle. Most of his teammates grumbled in annoyance, but Daichi caught the worried gazes of Ennoshita and his seatmate Kinoshita. He gave them a small smile, hoping to convey that things were getting better, but the duo still looked worried. Daichi continued on his trek and finally reached the front of the bus. Thankfully, Coach Ukai was driving while Mr. Takeda was helping Coach Ukai navigate from the front bus seat.

“Mr. Takeda?” Daichi leaned towards the club advisor, keeping his voice low.

“Daichi?!” Mr. Takeda yelped in surprise, but he quickly fell silent once he saw Daichi’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Suga had an… episode,” Daichi whispered to the club advisor.

“An episode?” Mr. Takeda blinked in confusion. “What kind of episo- Oh!” Mr. Takeda lowered his voice out of courtesy to Suga and his privacy. “Suga had an epileptic episode?”

“Yeah,” Daichi sighed tiredly. “His seizure lasted for a little more than two minutes. He’s resting now, but we should take him to a hospital to get checked out.”

“Of course!” Mr. Takeda nearly shouted again. “I’ll let Coach know right away! Do you need any help with Suga?”

“I don’t think so,” Daichi shook his head. “I just might need help getting him off the bus when we get to the hospital.”

“Alright. I’ll find the nearest hospital and tell Coach to get us there as soon as possible. Can you keep Suga comfortable until we arrive?” Mr. Takeda asked.

“I’ll take good care of him,” Daichi replied firmly.

“I’m sure you will,” Mr. Takeda agreed before he moved to the driver’s seat to let Coach Ukai know about the change of plans.

Daichi returned to his seat swiftly, anxious from leaving Suga alone for so long. Suga was still lying across their seats, but he was conscious and relatively alert because he turned his head when Daichi got back to their seats. Daichi sat in the aisle to keep an eye on Suga, rubbing the setter’s ankle soothingly. Daichi and Suga stayed like that until the bus pulled into a hospital parking lot.

Cries of confusion and irritation broke out until Mr. Takeda silenced them with an uncharacteristically stern stare. “Move out of the aisles, everyone. The paramedics need to use them.”

Everyone obeyed immediately, but looks of confusion were etched on most of their teammates’ faces. Two paramedics boarded their bus, with Mr. Takeda directing them back to Suga and Daichi’s seats. Daichi moved out of their way, helping them pull Suga into the larger paramedic’s arms. Suga remained limp in the paramedic’s hold, though his eyes darted over to Daichi as the paramedics carried him away. Daichi waved reassuringly, and Suga flashed him a brief smile before his eyes fell shut. That caused the paramedics to panic and rush off the bus. Daichi watched them place Suga on a waiting stretcher from the bus window, and then his best friend disappears into the large white building with the paramedics.

X

They weren’t allowed to see Suga for the next few hours. Their teammates’ confusion had morphed into shock and despair once they realized that something was wrong with Suga. The first and second years badgered Daichi and Asahi relentlessly until they finally caved, informing the team of Suga’s epilepsy. Daichi also explained why Suga was currently in the hospital, and Tanaka looked guiltier by the second. Daichi reached out a hand and rubbed the spiker’s shoulder, explaining that it wasn’t Tanaka’s fault. He didn’t know about Suga’s epilepsy until a few minutes ago, so there was no way for him to know how dangerous the movie would be for his vice-captain to watch. Tanaka still moped in his hospital chair until they were finally allowed to see Suga.

It was very early morning when a nurse approached their group with information about Suga. She pulled Mr. Takeda and Coach Ukai away for a few minutes to inform them of Suga’s condition. With Suga’s parents out of the country for work, they were acting as Suga’s legal guardians while he was in the hospital. Daichi waited with the team until the two adults returned to their group.

“Suga will be fine, everyone,” Mr. Takeda smiled exhaustedly. The events of the night had taken a visible toll on him. “He was just dehydrated and exhausted. He’s on an IV right now to get some fluids and nutrients into his system, but he’ll be okay after getting some rest.”

“He’ll be released soon,” Coach Ukai continued gruffly. “They’re just waiting until his IV is done. We should be out of here in an hour or so.”

“Can we see him?!” Nishinoya and Hinata asked eagerly.

“Yes,” Mr. Takeda laughed at their antics, “but you have to be quiet, ok? Suga might be asleep, and we shouldn’t wake him if he is.”

“Yes sir!” The duo nodded before dashing down the hallway.

“Wait!” Mr. Takeda let out a panicked cry. “You don’t even know Suga’s room number!”

Mr. Takeda chased after the two, and soon the entire team was running down the hospital hallway to Suga’s room. Mr. Takeda directed them to take two flights of stairs and a long corridor to reach Suga’s room. Unsurprisingly, Hinata and Nishinoya were the first to the door, with Kageyama and Tanaka not far behind. Mr. Takeda caught up with them, forcing them to wait until everyone had gathered to open the door. Daichi pushed his way to the front of the group, citing his captain status. Suga was his best friend, and he was going invoke his captain rights if it let him see Suga faster.

Mr. Takeda opened the door, and the Karasuno VBC filed into the room silently. Daichi stared at Suga as he entered. Suga was awake and sitting up in his bed. He looked exhausted, but his face had color, and he looked much better than he had hours ago. Suga watched them all carefully, offering them a wave. The IV in his elbow bounced in time with Suga’s wave. Once everyone was settled into the room, Suga gave them a warm Suga-Smile™.

“Hey, guys,” Suga said with exhausted but genuine enthusiasm. “What’s up?”

“SUGA!!!!” Hinata, Nishinoya, and Tanaka yelled, launching themselves at Suga.

They piled themselves on top of a shocked Suga, but he was quick to pull the trio into a warm hug.

“You scared us, Suga,” Daichi said quietly as he sat on the side of Suga’s bed.

“Sorry. I should have told someone earlier,” Suga sighed, snuggling into the cuddlepile on his lap.

“It’s not your fault, Suga,” Asahi hummed from the other side of Suga’s bed. “You can’t control your epilepsy.”

“I guess so… But I still feel bad for scaring you guys like that,” Suga confessed, eyes full of guilt.

“It’s okay, Suga,” Hinata chirped from the cuddle pile. “We’re just glad that you’re okay!”

“Thanks, Hinata,” Suga laughed into the blocker’s red hair.

“Hinata’s right,” Ennoshita chimed in. “I just wished you’d told us about your epilepsy earlier.”

“I know I should have, and I’m really sorry.” Suga bowed his head in apology. “I just hate talking about it. Daichi and Asahi basically had to kidnap me to get me to tell them about it.”

“Is that true, Daichi?” Nishinoya asked excitedly.

“I guess so…” Daichi laughed awkwardly. “In our defense, Suga was very stubborn. That was the only way we got Suga to talk to us instead of changing the topic.”

“Was I really that bad?” Suga cocked his head to the side.

“You were,” Asahi nodded solemnly. “I didn’t think we’d ever get you to tell us anything.”

“You’re always so negative, Asahi.” Suga poked the ace’s arm lightly. “It’s that negativity goatee, I swear.”

“My goatee has nothing to do with it!” Asahi whined sadly.

Suga giggled lightly at his friends, and Suga’s laugh was always infectious. The cuddle pile trio was giggling too, and then Daichi and Asahi joined in as well. Soon, the entire team was laughing, even Mr. Takeda and Coach Ukai. The previous events were long and stressful, so now everyone was finally relaxing a little.

The team chatted amongst themselves quietly until a nurse entered the room to check Suga’s IV. She declared that it was done and swiftly removed the needle from Suga’s elbow before the setter could even process what was happening. The nurse left the room for a moment and returned with a wheelchair for Suga to sit in. Hinata, Nishinoya, and Tanaka clambered off Suga’s lap, so Daichi and Asahi could help Suga into the wheelchair. They wheeled Suga out to the bus and got him situated on a bus seat near the front, so the adults could keep an eye on him. Daichi also sat beside Suga to help him if need be.

Everyone boarded the bus, and they were on their way back to Miyagi. Suga leaned his head on Daichi’s shoulder, eyes heavy with sleep.

“Daichi,” he yawned heavily. “Thanks for everything today.”

Daichi smiled tiredly at his best friend. “Sure. I’m always here for you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” Suga hummed happily. “I’m glad you’re such a good friend.”

“Thanks, Suga.” Daichi yawned as well. “You’re a pretty good friend too.”

“You’re still better,” Suga teased lightly before a big yawn escaped his mouth.

“And you’re still exhausted. Get some rest. I’ll wake you up when we get back,” Daichi said softly.

“Thanks, Daichi,” Suga murmured as his eyes slipped shut.

“Any time, Suga,” Daichi whispered as he felt his eyes grow heavier by the second. He leaned his head on top of Suga’s. The adults would wake them when they got to the school, Daichi reasoned before his eyes shut completely. Karasuno’s captain was asleep in a matter of seconds, taking a well-deserved nap after the chaos of the past few hours. The bus wouldn’t arrive for a few hours, and Daichi was content to nap with his best friend as the bus rolled on through the night.

[lebritneeey]

Second Chance (3/??)

inspired by don’t wanna cry, lie again and second life & a little idea from reply 1997 and 1988.

genre: romance. fluff, angst, love rivals etc lmao

pairing: y/n x ??? (svt)

a/n: hi guys! so my imagination started running after listening to dwc, lie again and second life on repeat lmao. i’ve always love reading angsty fics and so i came up with this series based on these three songs! disclaimer!! if there’s any similarity with other fics, it is coincidental, everything written here is based on my idea! no to plagiarism!! also, pics and gifs here are NOT mine! hope you guys enjoy this series i might be posting this on aff too so don’t be alarm if you come across it on aff! enjoy!

SERIES MASTERLIST

What if you could get a second chance at love? What if it was the wrong time but the right person all along? Would you take it? This second chance? 

Meet y/n, a 25 year old girl who had to revisit the city she once loved, Seoul. It was a city filled with both good and bad memories for her. When she left, she swore never to return. But here she is, back in Seoul, hoping to not run into a certain old flame that might reopen old wounds and remind her of how broken hearted she was back then.

chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4

chapter 3: she’s back?

nov 2020, seoul, 1:39pm (KST)

Y/n’s eyes widened as she froze. Choyi and Hana gasped as they stared at the three familiar faces in front of them. 

Seventeen Dino, Mingyu and Jeonghan were picking up their coffee orders for the rest of the group. 

“Oh! Noona!” Dino and Mingyu chimed as they greeted her excitedly. They turned to Hana and Choyi, waving at them as well. 

Jeonghan’s eyes was fixated on Y/n, his gaze turning soft. 

“Hi, Y/n.. long time no see.” 

////

The members sat down with the girls as they waited for their orders. Jeonghan took a seat opposite Y/n who anxiously drank her coffee while silence filled the air. 

“..long time no see noonas!” Dino broke the silence. Mingyu joined in, “yeah, it’s been a few years!” Hana broke into a smile, nodding. “Yes, it’s been a while.. Heard Seventeen has been getting first place recently! Congratulations!” Choyi agreed, “This year is really you guys’ year! Congrats!” 

While the four of them chatted away, Jeonghan constantly fixed his gaze onto Y/n. He gently asked, “how have you been?” Y/n looked up from her drink as she forced a smile. “I’m.. good. You?” 

Jeonghan chuckled, “well you know, busy as always. We’re preparing for our upcoming tour.” Y/n nodded, taking a sip of her drink again. 

“You still looked the same from the last time I saw you. Beautiful always.” Y/n blinked in surprise, cheeks turning slightly red at the statement. She said nothing and continued looking at her coffee. Silence filled the air once more. 

////

“Ah, lunch time is over, we gotta go now.” Hana said as the girls stood up to leave. “Aw, that’s sad. But we had fun catching up noona!” Dino chirped as he waved them goodbye with Mingyu beside him doing the same. Just as Y/n was about to follow them out, Jeonghan gently grabbed her wrist. “Y/n!” She turned and stared at him, brows raising. 

He let go and rubbed his neck awkwardly. “Um.. how long are you going to be in Korea for? We should all catch up soon, the rest of the guys missed you and they would be delighted to see you again.” 

Y/n pursed her lips together, hesitating. “If I’m free.” She gave the three guys a small smile before leaving the cafe. 

Jeonghan sighed as he watched her leave. Damn it, I never thought I would miss her this much. 

////

“Hyung.. should we tell the rest that we saw y/n again?” Dino asked in their van. The three were on the way back to the company with their coffee orders in their hands. 

“I don’t know.. We need to prepare for the tour soon, y/n’s return might affect some of them.” Jeonghan rubbed his face, feeling a tad stressed. 

“I think we should tell them. What if they bumped into y/n on the streets again like today?” Mingyu chipped in. “Aigoo hyung, Seoul isn’t that small you know.” Dino shooked his head as he replied Mingyu who pouted and continued texting on his phone. 

Jeonghan stared outside the window as he sighed once more. If fate allows it, then we will all meet again. He thought as the car ride continued in silence all the way back to the company. 

////

Flashback to march 2017, 3:53pm, PLEDIS building

Choyi, Hana and Y/n looked around in awe as they walked around the building of PLEDIS Entertainment, home to Seventeen, NU’EST and After School. Hana’s boyfriend had invited the girls over for lunch as he’s busy helping SVT prepare for their album comeback.

“Never in my life would I expect myself to be in freaking PLEDIS building where it’s the home to Seventeen!!!!!” Choyi whispered excitedly as she did a little dance while they were finding the practice room that Joohyeon was in. “Please calm down Choyi or else we’re gonna get kicked out for disturbance!” Hana shooked her head, Y/n chuckled as she follow the pair behind.

“Room 3.. room 3.. ah here it is,” Hana pointed at the practice room they found. The girls peeked through the windows.

Seventeen members were in formation while Joohyeon was in front showing them what seemed to be a choreography for their next title song. “Can’t believe I’m getting the very first look at the upcoming comeback dance..” Choyi sighed with pleasure as she fixated her eyes through the window panels.

“Okay, let’s take ten boys!” Joohyeon announced as he spotted Choyi’s face planted against the window. He walked over to the door and welcomed the girls. “Hi oppa” Hana gave him a hug while Y/n and Choyi waved at the members.

“Oh, hello, nice to see you all again!” Dokyeom waved as the rest of the members followed suit while they grabbed some towels and water bottles.

“Sorry to disturb but we brought some lunch for all of you!” Hana announced as Joohyeon took the bags she was carrying. “YES WE HAVE FREE FOOOOOD” Dino and Hosni jumped up and down pumping their fists with excitement. Y/n beamed, feeling a little surprised by their energy even after what seemed like hours of dance practice.

Jun ran up to Y/n after seeing her with two big bags of lunchboxes, “here let me help you with that!” Y/n gave him an appreciative smile and thanked him. “We didn’t speak much backstage that day but nice to meet you, I’m Jun! Are you a Korean by the way?”

Y/n shooked her head, “I’m from Singapore.” Jun nodded, mouth forming an ‘o’. “Wow but your Korean is good! Wait.. so does this mean you can speak chinese?”

“Yup, 我可以说中文 (I can speak chinese)“ Jun got even more excited and started conversing in chinese with Y/n as they sat down on the floor with the others as they took out the lunchboxes.

“Are.. those two speaking in Chinese?” Seungcheol asked The8 as he glanced at the pair. The8 looked over and nodded, “Y/n’s from Singapore I think so she’s able to speak chinese if I’m not wrong”

Seungcheol tilted his head as he watched Y/n laughing at something Jun was saying. Wonder what they’re talking about that is so funny.. He pouted slightly as he started eating.

“Yah Jihoon ah, where’s your Polaroid camera! This calls for some fun picture taking!” Jeonghan asked. Woozi walked over to his bag and took out the camera. Y/n noticed the Polaroid model, “oh is that the latest model?” Woozi turned to her and nodded. Y/n stood up and walked over looking at it. “Can I see it? I’ve been saving up for one cause my previous polaroid broke!” Woozi handed his camera over with a small smile.

Y/n clapped her hands enthusiastically as she gently held the camera. “Can I test it out?” Woozi chuckled as he gave her the go ahead. What Y/n did next was unexpected to the boy — she pointed the camera in front of him and snapped a pic, “say cheese!” Woozi stared blankly at the camera with surprised as he frozed. Did she just.. took a picture of me? Suddenly?

When the polaroid picture started developing, Y/n giggled as she showed Woozi. “What’s with the blank look!” Woozi stared at Y/n, feeling captivated by her adorable action. He blushed as he rubbed his neck sheepishly, “I was just surprised that’s all..” Y/n grinned as she return the camera to him. “I think I’ll get this model, thank you Jihoon!” Woozi blushed even more as she calls him by his actual name.

“Hyung, I can help us take a few pics!” Mingyu walked over, taking the camera from the flustered boy. “Woah, why are your ears so red?” Woozi shooked his head and passed the camera to Mingyu before returning to his food, “nothing, here ya go. Don’t drop it or else I’ll come after you.”

Mingyu sighed as he went around taking pictures of the entire gang. “Say kimchi everyone!!!!”

///

Nov 2020, choyi’s apartment, 4:19pm (KST)

Y/n dropped her bag onto the sofa as she plopped on it. Choyi walked to the fridge to get a bottle of soju. Y/n looked on quizzedly, “isn’t it a bit too early for alcohol?”

Choyi took two soju glasses and sat on the sofa beside Y/n. “it’s for you.” Y/n raised an eyebrow, looking at the soju, “for what?”

“In case you wanna talk about what happened out there just now?” Choyi poured the soju into the glasses and handed one to Y/n, who took it begrudgingly. “There’s no need for any talk Cho.”

“It’s been what.. two years? I just thought seeing them might you know, sparked some past memories again” Choyi shrugs as she downs her glass. “I’m okay. It’s in the past and I’ve moved on. Really, I’m fine Cho” Y/n gave a tight smile as she refilled her glass.

“Besides, I won’t be staying in Korea for long anyway. I’m just here for work and work only, after which I’m gonna head home.” Y/n took a shot of soju as she let the bitterness taste linger around her throat hoping she would let it distract her from the heavy feeling around her chest.

“... Do you still have his number saved?” Y/n blinked a few times at Choyi’s question. She would be lying if she say she has already deleted them. The truth is, she still has it. After all these years, she still has it saved onto her phone, she just couldn’t bear to delete it. All she did was renamed it to “Ignore” just in case he calls again, but he never did.

“… nope I deleted it the day I left.” Silence filled the air as Y/n took another shot of her drink.

“You know.. the guys were shocked and sad when they heard you left without saying goodbye” Choyi added as she refilled their glasses.

“I heard.. that he was upset too” Choyi continued a she took a shot.

Y/n paused as she reached for her glass. He was upset? What right did he have to be upset?

[cellard0ors]

WHELP.

No one hated this. so, it's continuing. I have no title as of yet. Still dedicated to @lallyloo

Part 1 here

Rhett used to live closer.

Now he doesn’t.

Link knows there are a variety of factors that went into the move, and he respects them. Still, it was nice before - when he didn’t have to travel so far. Now here he is, driving out into the middle of nowhere to see someone who used to be a short distance away.

Everything used to be…closer.

Sometimes Link looks back, riffles through his memories and it’s almost painful. It’s not that the memories are bad per say, it’s more how they feel. So close and so far – recent, yet ages ago. It’s an uncomfortable dichotomy, so he does his best to just concentrate on the present.

And, presently, he’s pulling up to a tiny little cabin surrounded by towering California redwoods. His car crunches loudly over the gravel drive - loud enough to summon his friend, even if his hearing’s declining. Although - to be fair, Link’s hearing is not the greatest either.

Hearing, sight, the combined ache of your muscles and bones - yeah, getting older is a real bitch. Not a word Link likes to say, much less think, but facts are facts. Age isn’t pretty, albeit there are some advantages. One of which being that you can pretty much go and do whatever you please, whenever you please.

Especially if you made a rather lucrative creative endeavor at one point. Mythical Morning may be gone, but the capital earned is doing its job of keeping him cushy in his golden years. Rhett as well, who certainly couldn’t have afforded this place otherwise and as he emerges from his home he offers a wave.

Link returns it, but finds he has to fight off a scowl. Really, it’s not fair. Link went silver early and he always thought he looked pretty damned handsome with it- a total silver fox.

But Rhett?

Well, Rhett always did have a history of beating him.

He might have gone silver later, but damned if he doesn’t wear it better. His beard is neatly trimmed, long hair tied back and he looks like some kind of rugged highlander cowboy combo that could get away with being on the cover of one of those old romance novels Christy used to thumb through.

…terrible…

A man his age shouldn’t look so good.

Rhett shouldn’t look so good.

And considering what Link’s come here to talk about he really doesn’t want to think about that right now.

Focus on the present, Neal, he reminds himself, shaking his head while he parks. When he gets out Rhett charges up, one hand out for a shake, which Link takes and then the two share a brief, back slapping hug.

“How ya been, brother?”

“Told you last night - tired and tired of being tired. You?”

“Same,” Rhett chuckles, “but figured if you were makin’ the drive up here, there might be more to say.”

There is, but Link’s not ready for it, instead clearing his throat while moving towards the two rocking chairs near the porch, “Mind if I-?”

“Help yourself,” Rhett says with an expansive gesture and the two end up seated and looking out over the wilderness. Link’s been here before. They’ve done this before. Just sat in these chairs and shot the shit. But today, Link finds himself a little more riled than usual, a little stiffer, and Rhett must pick up on it, because he sighs, “You might as well spit it out.”

“Spit what out?”

“Whatever it is you’re trying to avoid, bo,” Rhett says and he’s got a cooler of sprite nearby. He grabs a can and cracks it open, taking a swig before continuing, “We can sit here and waste time until you work up the nerve or-”

“I have the nerve!” Link cries but Rhett just goes on as if he hasn’t been interrupted, “-you can just spill. Probably feel better after.”

“Doubt that,” Link grouses and reaches into the cooler to get his own drink. Because Rhett managed to call him out so smoothly, so quickly, he decides to take his time on purpose. What was it Lily said? Be ‘deliberately obtuse’? It’s not quite what he’s doing now, but close enough.

Rhett, unbothered by Link’s act of defiance, merely sips his can and rests in his chair - annoyingly regal and relaxed. Sometimes Link really hates him. But it’s the kind of hate that’s so tangled up with affection that it’s irritating beyond measure, so he just stews over his own soda and waits.

For the longest time, it feels like neither will break the silence, but - considering Link came here to see Rhett and not the other way around - he decides (very graciously, he might add) to bend first, “Is it ever hard on you?”

One of Rhett’s eyebrows wing upwards, “Is what ever hard on me?”

Link shifts about, suddenly wishing these wooden chairs had some cushion, “The whole,” he waves a hand around them, “lonely woodsman thing?”

“…you think I’m lonely?”

“Well, I mean…” Link feels very tongue tied and very stupid and he doesn’t want to somehow inadvertently insult or hurt his friend, “Do you-? Do you ever think about how-how things changed?”

Rhett shrugs easily, “Things change, Link. That’s just life. Nature.”

“Yeah, I know, I know,” Link grumbles, “But I mean-? I’m more like-?” he growls under his breath because he’s annoyed that he can’t articulate his thoughts easily, “You and Jessie…”

“What about me and Jessie?”

“I mean…you were married…”

“We were?” Rhett asks the last as if it’s a hugely shocking revelation and Link hopes his expression manages to convey how he feels about that kind of response, “Yes. You and Jessie were married and then, y'know, um, you-you weren’t and I-I guess I just wondered if-if-?”

Rhett takes a deep pull on his sprite before sighing, “Are you asking if I’m lonely without Jessie?”

“Uh…sort of? Or, I mean, more-more directly - did you ever think this…this is how it would end up.”

“Gosh, no,” Rhett laughs and the corners of his eyes crinkle in that way that always makes Link’s heart twirl a little, “No, I sure didn’t. But; mean, ’s like I said, things change. So do people. Jessie and I loved one another, but,” he shrugs again, “Kids grew up, moved out, and when it was just me and her we’d found things’d changed.”

“But…” Link sounds sort of lost, “How?”

Rhett’s narrows his eyes at him, “Man, you know how. We’ve talked about this! She and I were just…different people than we used to be. Different from who we were when we got married and all. It wasn’t bad - we still loved one another. But there just…”

He rolls his shoulders and sighs again, one big hand rubbing at the back of his neck, “Wasn’t that spark anymore. I love her. Still do. Heck, we still talk - just spoke to her last week! But being in love with her?”

The last is asked in a way that pretty much answers itself. Link gets it. He does understand it. And as Rhett said – they’ve talked about this before. Back when it first happened, even. Link knows the story. He knows it and he knows it and yet…

“I guess, I’m…well, I’m-I’m just asking because you-you live up here all by yourself and I…I live by myself and…”

Rhett’s heavy lidded eyes take on this sad, soulful look, one that makes Link’s throat close up around his words, “That what this really about, brother? You thinkin’ about Christy again? You really the lonely one?”

“Yes,” Link blurts and, sort of horrified that he did, rushes on, “And no. No, mean…this-this isn’t about Christy…this-this is about Lily.”

Rhett’s eyes widen and his head rears back, the confusion on his face paramount, “Okay, alright then - color me perplexed, 'cause I don’t see how my being lonely and then your being lonely has anything to do with your daughter.”

“Lily thinks we should go out!” Link squeaks loudly and hoo boy! Bad enough the words came out in that sharp of a tone, but he also Did. Not. Mean. To. Say. Them!

He was planning on working into it in a far more casual manner. Maybe even jokingly. Like, 'Hey, my daughter thinks we should go out! Isn’t that a laugh riot?’ Or 'So, my children are conspiring against us!’ Or really anything - any way - different than how it came out just now.

Rhett, for his part, doesn’t seem all that rocked by this announcement, “Oh. Um. Alright. Sounds good.”

“Sounds good?!” And wow. Just wow. Link thought he sounded squeaky and loud before. That came out even worse. Mickey-Mouse-sucked-on-helium-and-went-hysterical worse. Rhett must have misunderstood, right? Right?!

As if sensing the question, Rhett finishes off his sprite and tosses the can in a nearby trash can, “Sure. We can go out. Where you wanna go? Wouldn’t mind takin’ a trip. Been an age since we done it.”

His reply confirms Link’s thinking and he deflates, but only a smidge, because he now knows he still has to explain, “No, no, no. I-I mean she wants us to go out. As-as in out out.”

Watching the realization dawn on Rhett’s face should be funny. It really should. More so when he asks in a higher tenor, “Out out as in-?”

“As in a date, man. My little girl thinks we should date,” Link wants to make this into a joke. He feels like he should be able to do that. He knows he should. Because that’s what this is, isn’t it? One big joke and he tries to laugh but the sound comes out so false and weird he stops it immediately, instead pressing on, “Rest of my kids too. She was just…just the one elected to bring it up or-or something…”

Rhett sits up straighter and crosses his arms. His eyes dart from side to side and he looks like he’s thinking so danged hard about this. Way harder than Link thinks he should.

“Let me get this straight: your kids,” Rhett points to Link, “think we,” he waves a finger between the two of them, “should go out with one another?”

“Yes.”

Rhett blinks several times as if he’s physically processing this. His mind a computer pushing through a big old file of data. Which is probably why he offers an indelicate, “Huh.”

“Right?!” Link cries, because he feels like Rhett understands. Rhett gets Link. Rhett knows exactly how Link thinks and feels and Rhett gets this situation, Link’s situation, perfectly.

“My kids pushed me back into datin’ long before yours did.”

…and this was not the response Link expected. He’d expected laughter. He’d expected an eyeroll. He’d expected anything but Rhett to say what he just said and thus his response is less than elegant, “Eh?”

“Locke and Shepard got on me 'bout dating only a year or two after the deal with Jessie was finalized. Think they were worried I’d become some ol’ hermit in the woods…” the last comes out in a bit of a chuckle as Rhett looks around them, “Can you believe that?”

Link can’t help but join him in chuckling on that front. Once the laughter dies down, Rhett sits up, threading his fingers together before letting his hands hang down between his knees, “Told ‘em I didn’t need it. You reach a certain age and you don’t date anymore.”

“That’s what I told, Lily!” Link crows; overjoyed that his pal is in agreement.

One slender shoulder rises and falls in an easy motion as he confesses, “Not that I haven’t been out though.”

This draws Link up short. It startles him. It makes him sit up as well, his own hands mirroring Rhett’s and one of his legs starts jiggling restlessly, “Y-Y-you’ve been-? Been seeing someone?”

“Nah,” Rhett offers a lazy grin, “Not seriously. Seen a coupla different folks, but no one I’d care to see again.”

So.

Rhett had…or is…dating. Sure, he doesn’t call it dating, but still…the omission trips Link up. For some reason, he’d just believed both he and Rhett were in the same boat. Sure, Rhett was divorced, not widowed, but Link had felt – in some way – that it held the same sort of principle.

You chose someone to spend the rest of your life with and when their life or your life ended, that was that. There was nothing else, no one, else. And he’s aware how immature that is, how backwards-thinking, but it just…it’s what he always thought. Until now. Until this very moment where Rhett revealed that it’s not that way at all.

At least not for him.

Rhett…seeing people…with-with potential romantic intent…

For some reason it just doesn’t compute and now Link knows he’s the one blinking madly as he tries to process this. One reason it’s hard to swallow comes to mind, so he asks, "You-you never mentioned…?”

“Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell.”

“You’re telling me right now!” And there’s that hysteric tone again.

“Not givin’ you names, now am I?”

Link feels the sound of sheer disgruntled aggravation that leaves him right now really nails his feelings home. Rhett, however, is unmoved, “Gotta say though, Lily is way off base…”

Link’s hands unhook as he practically melts. A wave of relief washes over him, his whole body falling back to rest against the chair, “Finally!”

“…we already know one another.”

Link’s head snaps back up so quickly it defies his advanced age, “What?”

“Well, not only are we well past the age of dating, dating in and of itself is for people who don’t know one another,” Rhett returns candidly, “We’ve known one another damn near all our lives. So, telling us we should date isn’t quite right. If we went out, it’d probably be called something else.”

“What?!”

Rhett strokes at his beard thoughtfully, “Wonder if there’s a name for that? People who’ve known one another for a long time, but then decide to bump it up a notch. Mean, it’s probably still just called 'dating’, but I really think they should come up with another word for it, because they’re making up new words all the time for all kinds of things so, you think there’d be one for that.”

“WHAT?!”

Rhett looks at Link and he edges closer to him, voice colored with concern, “You alright there? Thought I was the one with the bad hearing. My hearing aids really help, so if you think your ears are starting to go you can ask your doc about-?”

“My hearing is fine,” Link stresses, “But I’m not sure about everything else, because, apparently, I’ve woken up in some alternate universe!”

“…well, we did used to say we traveled the multiverse.”

“Can it, McLachlin!” Link points at him, tone sharp, “You’re the one who said it wasn’t a question you needed to answer!”

“…a question-?”

“Back on the show!” Link cries, “One time you said you didn’t need to answer the question of what it’d be like if we kissed or made out or-!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Rhett laughs and waves both of his hands, “Look…first off - for the most part - you’ve always had a better memory’n me. Even back before we were old coots. Second, pretty presumptions of you, ain’t it?”

Link frowns, waits for Rhett to continue the thought and when he does, it takes all the strength Link has within in his body not to strangle the other man, “Mean – you jumping right into kissing and making out…haven’t even taken me out proper yet. If you want to start courting me…”

“I don’t!” Link practically leaps to his feet at that. A rather impressive feat considering his body doesn’t move with near the alacrity it used to, “I-I-I mean, I’m-I’m not-!”

“No?” Rhett sniffs, “Rude.”

“What?” And Link hates repeating himself, hates sounding so stupefied but honestly: what the heck? “Do you want me to be courting you? To take you out out? To date?”

Rhett looks far too damned tranquil for this conversation, “Just because a long time ago I said I didn’t need to answer the question to that, don’t mean I’m not pondering it now.”

And with that, Link dies.

Or he feels like he dies.

Or something else.

Something transcendent. Something where he really has confirmed that, somehow, the planets have shifted, the stars have aligned, and he’s been transported to another universe, because he couldn’t have possibly heard that right.

Yet he knows he did.

Link feels lightheaded. He feels like he’s outside of his body, his voice coming back to him in an echo, lips moving unbidden, “But-? You’re-you’re not-? You’ve-you’ve never been interested in-?”

Another easy shrug, “Not sure if I’m interested in men. But I sure as shit am interested in you. Always have been.”

Link really thinks he should sit back down. Sit back down or fall down. Just…down…

His hands feels shaky and wild as they find the arms of the chair, as he lowers himself back into, as he breathes, “You’re interested in-in-in-?”

Link’s head moves around as if looking for someone else, because saying ‘in me’ (and the ‘me’ being Link himself) doesn’t seem at all possible.

Rhett, seeming to finally take pity on him, sighs, “When I say ‘I’m interested in you’, I’m not declaring some secret, unrequited, suppressed feelings for you, man. I’m saying you’re my friend, I find you interesting, and I ain’t entirely opposed to seeing if there could be more to it,” he unlaces his fingers to wave between them, “To us,” then he changes one of his hands into the two fingers to motion between their eyes, “To this.”

“…this…” is all Link can manage. It comes out faint and whispery. He’s still pretty convinced he died. Probably happened on the ride here. Damn twisty backroads.

“…’course if you’re not interested,” Rhett sucks his teeth, “Or chicken…”

Link snaps back to life right quick. He’s alive. He’s alive and in his body and his ears are burning, his heart pounding, his cheeks bright red as his blood pressure rises, “I’m not chicken!”

Rhett just eyes him balefully and-and the utter gall of it! Of those eyes looking at him in this fashion and Link puffs up, “I’m not! I’M a modern man, dang it! I-I’m not afraid to-to-!”

He runs a hand through his thick (now completely) silver hair and tugs it hard, “It’s just-? It’s crazy! It’s insane! It’s-it’s-it’s-!”

He’s stuttering all over himself, all the things he wants to say not coming out of his mouth quickly enough and he just points at Rhett accusingly, “It’ll ruin our friendship and be all kindas awkward and-!”

Rhett leans back in his chair, crosses his arms again and stretches out his ridiculously long, giraffe-like legs, “You know…we drank one another’s urine.”

Link stalls at that.

“Once upon a time.”

Link is still stopped. Enough that Rhett just breathes in and looks off to one side, “Messed around with one another’s feet. Did Mama Bird/Baby Bird. Cuddled with cockroaches.”

“Thought you said I had the better memory.”

“’Bout some things,” Rhett offers with a small grin, “My point is – we’ve done much crazier things. Only difference this time would be that it’s personal and it’s not for an audience.”

Link digests that, chews on it. He rolls it over and over again in his mind. Rhett seems to be waiting for him to answer – one way or another and when it becomes obvious that no real answer is forth coming, he lets out another sigh and rises up, wincing some.

Link would bet it’s due to his lower back twinging, because sitting long periods of time now just does that to him. Link knows, because it does it to him too.

Rhett puts his hands in his pockets and offers another blithe shrug, “Look, don’t worry about it. I don’t blame you if you’re-”

“Okay.”

Link’s eyes are downcast. They went in that direction when he knew his final answer. He wants to raise his head. He wants to know who said it, that quiet word. So quiet as to almost be inaudible.

And shy.

Quiet, shy…unreal.

And he knows he said it. Knows it came from his mouth. And he feels it when Rhett gets closer to him, feels the heat of his friend and he can just make him out of his peripheral vision as he repeats just as quietly, just as shy, “Okay?”

Link licks his lips and looks up. He looks up into his friend’s kind eyes and feels his head wobbling on his neck as he nods, “Okay. Yeah. I…I guess it’s…it’s worth trying…”

“So,” Rhett’s lips tug up in one corner, a teasing sort of smirk, “You are courting me?”

Link shoves out at him and the two laugh. But the fact still remains. Link has just agreed to go out with Rhett. Out out. As in a date, as in…

…and Link knows, eventually, the panic will return. But for now? For now, it’s nice to just be with his friend and laugh.

[impala1967dwinchester]

Hi, how are you sweetheart?

I was wondering if I could request a dean x reader one shot where she gets injured on a hunt and hides it from dean because they had a small fight earlier but then she collapses and he's freaking out and panicking?? Thank you!! I can't wait to read more from you

Hey, I’m doing great, thank for asking. And thanks for asking for this. It was honestly a lot of fun to write. Thank you once again. 

Dean Winchester: Panic (Request) 

Word Count: 2.3k 

“Oh shit!” I said clutching onto my ribs. Dean turned around eyeing me down. “What’s wrong, Y/n?” Dean asked me. “Nothing, just thought of something. Something that we could have done differently.” I spoke.  

It was hard to even talk to Dean. This idea that we’d be able to stay around each other. Ya, see we had a small tiny fight. At least that’s what I'd call it. Dean on the other hand would call it a huge mistake on my part. “Dean, let it go. I said I was sorry.” I spoke. “Well fuck your sorry. It doesn’t make up for the fact, that I told you to stay behind. Not even listen to simple instruction.” Dean said  

Now here Dean and I stood, at the start of another fight for our lives. Dean and I were trying to hunt down this ghost. She’d had been terrorizing young couples. Something about how her husband had left her for another women, a younger woman.  

When we finally got into town our heated argument, had somewhat simmered down. The aggravation of having to go on a hunt with Dean was already enough. Not to mention the extreme tension between the two of us.  

Parking, Dean got out of the Impala ending for the front desk building. His door slamming behind him, “Stay here and get your bags from the back.” He said walking off. “Sure, will asshole” I whispered more to myself than to Dean.  

A few minute later Dean came walking back to the Impala, throwing me a side glance before grabbing his own bag from the back. “Here’s a key to motel room.”  He said as we walked to the motel room door.  

Something about staying in a motel was natural, and at the same time incredible disgusting. Dean unlocked the door, walking in front of me. He set his bag down on the table and I placed mine on the second twin sized bed.  

“I’m going out to the bar.” Dean said rushing out before I had even sat down. “See Ya, Dean” I said as the motel door slammed against its frame. “I guess I’ll just do the damn research by myself then.” I said to myself.  

I pulled my laptop out and dragged myself to the table. I picked up Dean bag and tossed it to the floor. Getting to work, I tried to find any connection between the people that had died and the ghost. A simple salt and burn situation.  

Finding out where this Winiferd was an older woman and her husband had left her for a younger woman. Winiferd had died of heart break, so she was causing the same thing in her victims. Both of them having their hearts implode.  

So much anger, and all we had to do was burn her and we’d be done. Get home and away from each other. Writing down all the really important information, I had found where her ex-husband was living, and then her final place of resting.  

Finally, being done with most of research, Dean came tumbling through the door. With a red head chick on his side, they were laughing and nibbling at each other. Her hands grabbing at his cloths. “Um, Excuse me Dean.” I said tired of watching this horrible scene.  

“DEAN.” I yelled finally catching both his and the chick's attention. “What do you want? Y/n?” He asked. I got up from the table, and looked over at the girl. “You need to go. Have a nice night.” I said pushing her out the door locking it before she could get back in.  

“What the fuck Y/n!” Dean said walking over to the twin sized mattress. “I... Dean. We are on a hunt. You wanna go have fun with chick then you should have stayed home. But let’s at least try to be adult and do our fucking job.” I said walking over to my laptop.  

“Whatever you say, Y/n” Dean said before kicking off his boots, and laying down in the bed. Within seconds Dean was out, like nothing of what I had said really made its way into his brain. The next morning was hard, Dean’s hangover, and my urge to slap him across the face.  

“We need...” I went to say before Dean interrupted me “Quiet, you’re so loud.” “You’ve got ten minutes to get ready we need to finish this case.” I said slamming the bathroom. I pulled out my more FBI looking clothing and got dressed. I was hoping that when I walked out of the bathroom Dean would be at least half-way dressed in his suit.  

My heels clicking on the titled floor. Dean turned and looked at me. His suit was on, so goal one was done. I grabbed my notebook and walked out with Dean hot on my tail. ‘Dean, we need to go to this address.” I said handing him the paper.  

“Okay Y/n” He said, turning the engine on. And pulling out of the parking spot. The drive was quiet, the radio’s volume low. “Why’d you push that chick out last night?” Dean asked me.  

Barely taking his attention off the road. “Do you honestly want that answer?” I asked him. ” Don’t answer a question with another question. And yes, I'd like the answer.” Dean said his knuckles going a little white around the steering wheel. I looked up at him and said “Because you were being a dick to me. I was just being a cockblock.”  

‘Sure, that’s fine. He doesn’t need to know that every time he talks to another chick, or they quaking over him. That a string of jealousy comes ringing through my body.’ He didn’t say anything back, no quick retore, no ‘cockblock my ass I think not’ nothing it was odd, but I didn’t read much into it after that.  

“Y/n? Earth to Y/n.” Dean said bringing me out of my sad thought. “Huh?” I spoke. Looking back over at him. “We are here. What ‘s your plan?” Dean said, turning off the engine. “That we are here looking into the recent killings of those few couples. See what his reaction is, and see if he knows any of them.” I said opening my passenger door.

This interrogation went pretty smoothly, Dean let me do most of the talking. Seeing as he was still heavily hung over. “Thank you, sir for your time. Have a good rest of your day.” I said the Winiferd’s ex-husband.  

“So, tell me more about this Winiferd ghost lady we’ve got on our hands Y/n.” Dean said as he back-out of the man driveway. “So unlike Winiferd's ex forgot to mention was that he was cheating while married to her. They hadn’t just gotten a divorce for no reason. And he was cheating no less a younger version of her pretty much.” I said looking down at my phone.

“Okay, cool. Where is she buried?” Dean asked me. “Not that far from the motel we are staying at.” I answered it was odd, the way he had almost forgotten our small fight from last night. Knowing better then to push it I changed the subject quickly “How about we get some dinner food, and late we can go do this salt and burn, Go home afterwards.” I said looking over at Dean to see if I could read his facial expressions.  

“Mention of food that’s definitely a yes from me.” Dean said, pushing a little harder on the gas pedal. Another spot that wasn't that far from the motel. Rolling into another parking spot, Dean jumped out of the Impala the mention of food was enough to throw the hangover out the window.  

Sitting down in the booth that Dean had gotten. The waitress came over, asking for our orders. Her eyes lingering on Dean broad shoulders and of course Dean had on his signature smirk. Winking at her before she left the table.  

Dean and I talked about our plan for the salt and burn. Why I don’t know, but the thought of him flirting with that damn waitress was hard to shallow. Of course, once I had gotten over it, here she came with Dean and I plates of food. Her gaze fixed on Dean yet again. She placed my plate down pretty much throwing it on to the table, and lightly placed Dean’s down.  

Her hand lingering on his plate, trying to graze her hand over him. “Thank you... Sarah.” I said forcing the high tension to break. Dean had pretty much eaten all of his food before I had even gotten a few good bites in.  

“Dean, do you want some pie?” I asked as I pushed my plate to the side, “What type of question is that? Of course, I want pie.” Leaving the booth for only a few minutes I asking an older lady for few slices of the apple pie that they had on display.  

When I came back to the table that Sarah was hunched over, her tits pretty much shoved in his face. Going to touch his face. “Babe, I got your pie.” I said plopping down to the booth cushion. Dean gave me an odd look only for a second before noticing the pie in front of me.  

“Let’s go and eat this at home.” I said, and Dean followed me out the door. Dean throw a twenty bill on the table for the bill. “Thanks, the Sarah girl was pushing hard.” Dean said when we got into the car. “We can bring the pie to the motel and change and got do that whole salt and burn thing.” Dean said driving back to the motel.  

We quickly changed into more comfortable clothing. I was wearing a stolen flannel that was probably Deans, a pair of dark blue jean, and my more comfortable boots. Dean had sported a dark flannel, light washed jeans, and his boots. Jumping back into the impala, I directed him to the cemetery.  

Getting out of the car, I had got a bad feeling. The feeling like we were being watched. Dean grabbed the necessary things out of the back of the impala and we walked until we found her cemetery. “Dean.” I said nudging his arm “What Y/n?” “I have a bad feeling.” I said staying closer to Dean than usual.  

I stood there as Dean dug her grave, Dean handed me the flashlight “You man the flashlight, Y/n.” He said grabbing my wrist and pointing it in the direction he needed. After what seemed like an hour, Dean had finally reached her casket. “Nice okay. Give me a hand.” He said I reached down and he grabbed onto my hand.

“Dean, do you feel like someone is watching us?" I asked when he made it up to the surface. “No, I don’t why do you?” He asked, “Honestly Dean I don’t know. I'm starting to freak out here dean.” I said the anxiety getting to me.  

Dean por the rest of the gasoline on the open casket and went to get a match when a hard force throws me up against a nearby tree. “Dean, can you hurr..” I said before the Winifred showed herself. Her hands came closer to my chest. “De... Please.” I said the last rush of air falling of my lungs.  

Her hands were around my heart and then just has fast as she had appeared she was lit up in a thin line of fire. My heart beating a little bit stronger, and a strong ping of pain rang through my body. My body rushed down to the ground and Dean ran over.  

His hands rushing to my face “Y/n are you okay?” He asked concern washing over his face. “Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go.” As I got up, I winched “Oh shit” said clutching onto my ribs. Dean turned around eyeing me down. “What’s wrong, Y/n?” Dean asked me. “Nothing, just thought of something. Something that we could have done differently.” I spoke.

As we walked to the car, it got worse. My vision falling dizzy. Everything around me looked like it was spinning. Before I could make it to the impala my vision went black, and I was out.  

Deans POV:  

I turned around for a second, to put the things in the back. And there Y/n was walking pretty okay, before and now she’s on the floor. Eye’s closed and clutching her ribs. “Y/n!” I said rushing over to her. “Y/n. Are you okay?” I said as I lifted her head off the ground. “Y/n... Oh shit. She told me that she was okay.” Well, it’s not like she can predicate that she’ll fall down and blackout. I need to call Sam.  

He’ll know what I have to do, I think. I pulled my phone out and rang for Sam. After a few rings Sam picked up “Sammy I need your help!”  I said the words sort of rushing out of my mouth. “Dean... Dean I need you to slow down. What’s going on?” Sam asked me.  

“Sam, we had finished the hunt and then all the sudden Y/n just collapsed and now she isn’t waking up. She’s breathing but her eyes are closed. Sam what do I do? Sammy we... I need your help.” I said my panic starting to get the best of me.  

“Dean, just breathe. And listen to me. I’ll speak slowly.” Sam said trying to explain how I should get her in the impala. “Be careful and make sure not to knock her head on the car, have her head higher than the rest of her body. Also grab a blanket from the back and drape that over her. And then get home as quickly as possible.” Sam said.  

“Don’t forget the motel either. Grab her stuff along with yours. Then come home. I get a better feel for how she is when you are home.” Sam said. “Sam, I’m freaking out here. I’ve been such a dick to her. And she takes it. I don’t want... I don’t want that to be the...” “Dean Stop and do what I said. Stop thinking like that.” Sam interrupted me.  

I turned around in the impala and looked over at Y/n. “I’ve got you kid.” I said.  

Completed: 02/20/2021

[notalwaysthevillian]

My Whirlpool of a Life

Ships: Eventual Kaminar/OC

Word Count: ~2k

Notes: This is my first My Hero Academia fanfiction! I’ve recently joined the fandom, and wanted to write something that’s been stuck in my head since I started watching. I’m not sure how many chapters it’ll be, but I have a lot planned, plot wise!

Also, I will not be doing a tag list for this fic.

Masterlist

Chapter 1: Moving into the Dorms

A shaky breath fell from my lips as I stood in front of the large, wooden door. Most of my stuff was already here, all that was left was a small bag that I was currently gripping like a lifeline. Mr. Aizawa had asked me to wait outside while he told everyone that they were adding me to the class.

As I titled my head to see if I could hear anything, the door opened, making me jump.

“You can come in now.”

I nodded, walking in and immediately gaining the attention of 20 pairs of eyes. I gave a small wave, getting smiles in response.

“Um, hi. I’m Nami Kota, and I’m super excited to join your class!”

There were various murmurs of “Kota?” and “why is she joining our class?” but no one said anything immediately.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Alright, we’re gonna go over room assignments. There’s at least one girl on each floor, across from the boys. You each have your own closet and bathroom as well. Mineta, Midoriya, Aoyama, Tokoyami, and Nami - you five are on the second floor.”

Mr. Aizawa’s voice continued to drone on, but I slipped away to unpack my stuff. We’d be living here all year. It wouldn’t be too hard to figure out room assignments.

After about ten minutes, I heard a knock on my door. Surprised that anyone would already be done, I headed over and opened it.

A short boy with purple balls on his head stared up at me, leaning in the doorway. “Name’s Mineta. Minoru Mineta. I came to ask if you needed any help unpacking.”

“Oh, I’m good by myself, but thank you so much for offering!” I gave him a smile. “Are you done already?”

“No, I figured I’d help the girls get settled first, like the nice guy I am.”

Before I could say anything else, a pink girl came out of nowhere and smacked Mineta. “You perv, leave her alone, she just got here!”

Grumbling, Mineta walked back to his room, giving me a wink before closing his door. I made a face, one that made the pink girl laugh.

“He’s one to watch out for, or he might go through your dresser.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m Mina. I love your style by the way, the flowiness of that top is to die for!”

“Thanks!” I did a small twirl, the babydoll top floating out around me. “I have a pink one that’s similar if you ever want to borrow it.”

“Oh my gosh yes!” She squealed, throwing her arms around me in a hug, which I returned instantly. “We’re gonna be best friends, I can tell. I’m gonna go unpack but we have to talk later, bye!”

She darted off, leaving me to finally unpack everything in my room. After I’d put my clothes away, I really only had a few accent pieces to add before I was done.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have anything to hang my picture with. Hoping that there were some nails or something in the common area, I headed downstairs.

Two of the boys were sitting on the sofa, talking to each other. One of them looked a little grumpy, but his friend with the red hair waved as soon as he saw me walk in.

“Hey, Nami Kota, right?” He asked as I headed over. “I’m Kirishima, and this is Bakugo.”

Bakugo gave me a once over and a grunt before he pulled out his phone.

“Hi, I guess.” I said, earning a huff in response. “You guys haven’t seen any nails or anything around have you? I’ve got a picture to hang and-”

“I can help!” Kirishima jumped to his feet, his whole body turning into a rock-like substance. “My quirk is hardening, I can hammer a nail in.”

“I need to find a nail first.”

“Kitchen drawer, next to the sink.” Bakugo didn’t even look up from his phone.

Even though I knew he was ignoring me, I gave him a smile. Politeness had been drilled into me from a young age. You never knew if today was someone’s turning point into a villain.

Kirishima and I found the nails easily, grabbing one and heading up to my room. When we walked in, he took a quick look around. “Nice, love the beach vibes.”

“Thanks!”

Heading over to my bed, I grabbed the picture. “Okay, this is it. If I had some tape I could mark the spot on the wall easier.”

Kirishima laughed, holding up one finger. “I’ll be right back.”

He disappeared for a few minutes, before coming back in with a dark haired boy.

“Dude, what if she doesn’t want me in here?” He asked as Kirishima dragged him in.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the panicked look on his face. “No worries, the door is open.”

“Sero, just chill out man. She said she needed tape.”

The boy, Sero, still seemed tense as he walked in. “I can do tape, that’s my quirk.”

“Oh that’s so useful! But I don’t want to just use you for your quirk, that seems a bit mean.”

Sero shrugged, pulling some tape from his elbow and handing it over. “Long enough?”

I held it up to the picture. “Yes! Thank you so much, Sero.”

“Not a problem!” He slowly started to shuffle out of the room. “I’m gonna go hang out with everyone downstairs, see ya.”

“You’d think they’d never seen a girl’s bedroom.” Grabbing the tape, I hung it on the back, before using a pencil to mark where the picture hanger was.

“Oh that’s so smart!” Kirishima said from over my shoulder. “So you don’t put too many holes in the wall right?”

“Exactly!”

Peeling off the tape, I put it on the wall and handed over the nail. “If you would, good sir.”

“Thank you, madame.” He said, taking the nail with a small bow, making me laugh. He hardened his fist and gently tapped the nail in until it was halfway through. “All good!”

Grabbing the picture, I tilted it until it was perfectly straight.

“That’s a neat picture.”

“Thanks.” I could practically hear the laughter of my little brother and my parents as I looked at the cottage. “It’s where I used to live. It was so peaceful there. Not a lot of noise from the city.”

“You’ll have to get used to noise fast, we’re a loud bunch.” Kirishima joked.

I turned, trying to hide the emotions bubbling up, but I wasn’t quick enough.

“Hey, sorry, I shouldn’t have made a joke, that wasn’t very manly.” He shifted, before holding out his hands. “Hug? You can say no.”

“I’m good. Or, I will be.” I started taking deep breaths, like Ragdoll had taught me. “Thanks for the offer though.”

“If you ever need a hug, no strings attached, I’m your guy.” He pointed to himself.

“Me too.” Mineta's voice came from the hall. He leaned in glancing around a second, before a look of disappointment came over his face. “You put everything away.”

“Mineta, that’s creepy.” I gave him a look. “You are not going to get girls that way. Be nice to them, like Kirishima, and they’ll look at you a lot more.”

“So you’re attracted to Kirishima? Dang it!”

“I didn’t say that. His personality is attractive, yeah, but he’s not my type.” I gave Kirishima a tiny punch on the shoulder. “Sorry, man.”

“No hard feelings here. You kind of remind me of my sister anyway.”

“Good, you can be my bro.”

He fist bumped me, both of us ignoring Mineta, who had slumped onto the floor. “We should go introduce you to everyone else, come on!”

We walked out into the hall, with me nudging Mineta out of the room before I closed the door. Another door clicked nearby as a boy with a bird-like head closed his door.

“Nami Kota, it is nice to meet you.” He pulled his cloak a little tighter around his shoulders. “My name is Fumikage Tokoyami.”

“We were just heading downstairs to introduce her to everyone.”

Tokoyami nodded. “Let’s go. Mineta, are you coming with us or are you going to just lay on the floor?”

“I’m coming.”

A boy at the staircase spun around at our voices, putting a hand on his chest. “She hadn’t met moi yet. Yuga Aoyama. It’s a pleasure.”

“Je suis Nami Kota, un plaisir c’est certain.”

“Another French speaker! C’est magnifique!” Aoyama clapped his hands together.

I rubbed the back of my neck, giving him a tiny smile. “Only a little, mostly greetings.”

“Still! This is wonderful!” Aoyama ran up and grabbed my hand, half dragging me down the stairs. “Come, you must meet everyone!”

“Woah, slow down!” I cried out, laughing as we raced to the common area. I could hear the other three boys behind us, steps thundering on the stairs.

“Why are you being so noisy?” I heard someone ask, as Aoyama and I darted into the room. A girl with plugs on her earlobes had her hands over her ears, and the girl next to her just shook her head.

“The new girl simply must meet everyone by the night’s end.”

The girl with the ponytail nodded, holding out her hand. “Yaoyorozu, but everyone’s been calling me Yao-Momo. And this is Jirou. She’s a little sensitive to noise.”

“Oops, sorry.” I whispered, giving a small wave. “Nice to meet you.”

“Where are the others?” Aoyama asked, dragging me off to the kitchen as Yaoyorozu pointed. “Please meet my new friend.”

“Hey, she’s my new friend!” Mina shouted, pointing the knife she was using at Aoyama.

He held up his hands, before a boy with glasses pushed Mina’s hand down. “That is not proper knife safety, Ashido. Please point it downward.”

Mina grumbled something, but the boy turned to me. “I am Tenya Iida, the class rep. If you need anything, please ask me.”

“Thank you! I will.”

Two boys putting dishes in the oven looked over. One of them waved, saying something that I couldn’t hear. The other grinned. “I’m Sato, and this is Koda, in case you didn’t hear him. He’s very quiet.”

A soft “hello” finally made its way to my ears. I gave them a wave, before the two girls washing dishes looked over.

“Oh, Nami, right? Call me Su.” She blepped her tongue out a little, making me smile.

The girl next to her had super pink cheeks. “I’m Uraraka!”

“I’m Hagakure!”

The voice next to my ear made me jump. I glanced over to see a pair of floating gloves. “Hi. You’re invisible?”

“Yep!”

“That’s so cool!” I turned toward everyone. “I can’t wait to find out about all your quirks!”

“Hmm, we are still missing a few. Wherever could they be?” Aoyama glanced into another room, his face brightening. “Nami, this way!”

I followed back to the common area, seeing a few more boys on the couches. One looked up at me, the scar over his left eye telling me exactly who he was.

“You’re Shoto Todoroki, right?”

He merely nodded. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too! Your quirk is kinda like mine. Just…better.” I glanced at my hands for a second. “You have way better control from what I saw at the festival.”

“You watched the festival?”

“Just the last match, I’d been training during most of it.”

Bakugo laughed. “So you saw me beat IcyHot.”

“I saw that both of you are extremely powerful, yeah.”

A boy with a tail walked over, shaking my hand. “I’m Ojiro.”

“Shoji.” Another boy said, waving a whole bunch of hands.

“Woah.”

“If you think that’s cool, you’ll love my quirk.” Someone said behind me, before a sparking hand entered my vision. “Cool right?”

“Kaminari, please don’t electrocute her.” Aoyama nudged the hand away.

I turned to see a blonde boy grinning at me. The second our eyes met I could feel my heartbeat speed up.

“It is a pretty neat quirk.” Flipping my blue hair over my shoulder, I smiled as I watched his eyes follow the movement.

“The name’s Denki Kaminari.” He took a step closer. “You better get used to the name because it’ll be yours someday.”

“Kamin-”

“Nami Kaminari.” The name rolled off my tongue. “Hmm, I like it.”

“W-what?”

I couldn’t help but giggle at the bewildered expression on his face. “What’s wrong? Not used to girls flirting back?”

“Not really.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

I flashed him a smile. “Better get used to it then.”

I heard a chorus of “ooh”s behind me as a blush crept up Kaminari’s neck. Leaning in, I whispered, “You look adorable when you blush.”

The line had the desired effect as he turned even redder and started sputtering.

“Um, hi.”

I glanced over to see a boy with green hair waving. “I’m the last one for you to meet. I think. Izuku Midoriya, or Deku.”

“Midoriya! You’re the one who saved my brother a few days ago.” I ran over to him, bouncing on my toes. “Thank you so so much. You’ve changed his thoughts on heroes for the better. I’ve tried but…he needed to see a real hero in action I guess.”

“Oh it wasn’t - I just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

I nodded. “Exactly! What a true hero would do.”

“Yeah - yeah I guess.”

“Class! Dinner is ready. Please make an orderly line.” Tenya looked so serious as he instructed the class, who ignored him and crowded into the kitchen.

“Some hot food for some hot stuff.” Kaminari gave me another flirty grin as he gestured for me to go ahead of him.

I couldn’t help but smile as Uraraka handed me a plate.

I was gonna like it here.

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Okay I was gonna do another SG:WoT post anyway because we’ve got a new King interview but THEN, he released the cover to issue four so you KNOW I gotta geek out about this.

(Sorry that this blog is all SG:WoT, all the time now, but I am just. Insanely excited that Evely is drawing Supergirl. Feel free to block/mute these posts as needed. XD)

Okay, so!

First! The interview!

It’s on (ugh) screenrant so I’m not gonna link, I’m just gonna nab the interesting bits:

On the different direction of the book, and if he wanted to go back to the original Adventure Comics vibes: “So, the idea of this thing was to strip her story down, because Supergirl has a majorly weird history in terms of continuity. At least 13 writers have rewritten her origin over the years. Her dad has 13 origin stories; sometimes he's evil, sometimes he's a robot, sometimes alive, sometimes he's dead. She's changed dramatically in the last 10 years, between coming back to life to the New 52 to Rebirth. She's gone through so much that it's hard to get a hold of her. Not to mention in the '90s, when I was coming up, she was like an ectoplasmic space angel. There's so much there, and I just wanted to take all that stuff off and get to the core of the character; get her out of her normal environments and her normal conflicts. It seems like all our stories are about her dad or her relationship to Superman. Instead, let's see the purity of that character.”

On starting the book the way he did: “...I wanted to start out with a very human moment of a person turning 21 and getting drunk. And a person who is getting drunk because they want to be alone, and they just want to forget about the shit that's happened in their past. That's such a human moment. And the fact that she's Supergirl, so she waits till it's legal - because these super people, they follow the rules. She waited, and now it's legal and she can have this moment. She goes off by herself, with her dog that always follows her, and she has a moment where she can be free. For a lot of people in the US, whether you've been drinking since you were 14 or started that day, your 21st birthday and the day after are days you remember for the rest of your life. It's a day of freedom and consequence, and I wanted to show Supergirl going through that.”

On rising to the challenge of helping Supergirl perform better, sales/popularity-wise: “ When I first got on this book, I called Steve Orlando, who had just written a Supergirl run. And he was the one who opened my eyes to how good the character is. He had such insight into her. He was like, ‘There is a difference between Clark and her, and what she's gone through.’ He just laid it for me.”

On starting the book off with Ruthye’s journey, and gradually building to Kara’s: “ I was like, "Okay, this is going to be from the point of view of someone under Supergirl." And so I switched the point of view to this new brand new character, whose name is Ruthye. And we went from there: we start with Ruthye's story, we see her discover Supergirl, and she's our audience. She's our way in, the way Robin has always been the way into Batman.”

On whether or not other characters will show up, outside of Supergirl and Ruthye: “It's like my Superman: Up in the Sky, where it's a distillation of the character. You'll see other characters, but the focus of every issue will be on Supergirl. And it's something where at the very end, you can be like, "Why is Supergirl great? Why is she important to the DC Universe? What is her future in the DC Universe? Here, read this one trade that can answer all three of those questions at once."So, there will be other characters in the Super universe. But the focus will always be on her; on Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow. It's her finding out about herself and her own strength.”

On Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow vs. his other titles: “Supergirl is my first 2021 book, or my first book of the 20s. That wrapped up my books of the teens, and now we're in a new generation. God willing, from the moment I started this book, I was like, ‘I'm gonna take a risk, and I'm gonna write books that are a little brighter.’ I know that's coming from me, and it's not to say we're going to avoid conflict or we're not going to explore the depths of the human soul. All that stuff will be in there. But these books are made from a place of joy, not from a place of anger; from a place of hope, not from a place of despair. It very much contrasts to those other books, in my mind.”

On how he thinks folks will react to the Krypto cliffhanger: “I mean, they're gonna think it's a good cliffhanger. That's how I think they're going to react. They're going to say, ‘I want the next issue.’ That's literally my job as written in my contract. Something where at the end of an issue, someone says, ‘I want more.’ So, that's how I hope they react.”

As mentioned, this is not the full interview; the whole thing can be found on screenrant, and I think Tom King shared a link on his twitter. 

And now, as always, SOME THOUGHTS:

I love that he brings up the fact that so many Supergirl stories focus on Zor-El and Clark, and how he was like, ‘let’s not do that.’

That’s my big gripe with modern Supergirl comics; they are trying so hard to make a statement on why we need both a Supergirl AND a Superman, that they end up spending ALL THEIR TIME talking about Clark, instead of, you know. Telling a fun Supergirl story.

Same thing with Zor-El! I know folks love Rebirth--I like it quite a bit myself--but I think the nostalgia goggles prevent folks from remembering that the whole first arc of that book was re-doing the ‘Cyborg Superman’ garbage from the Nu52. 

Speaking of Rebirth, really like that of all the recent SG writers he coulda talked to, he talked to Steve Orlando.

Like, if ya can’t get Gates on the phone, get Orlando.

(I get the sense that Gates doesn’t like this book, actually, based on a vague tweet. But don’t quote me on that.) 

Looks like Ruthye is gonna be our POV/audience insert character for the whole run. I’m...mmmm. I don’t love it, but I understand the logic here. Especially since he compared it to Batman and Robin--how you use Robin as your entry point for a bat book. 

And you know what? Kara’s supporting cast needs some help, so. Welcome to the Superfam, Ruthye.

I also love the explanation behind the drinking thing, as well as the fact that Kara waited until it was 100% legal for her to drink because OF COURSE SHE WOULD.

I am so worried that Krypto is gonna die b/c of what we saw in Future State. I’m over here with my Pepe Silva board like, ‘Well, what if Kara agrees to help Ruthye because Krem MURDERED HER DOG?!?! WHAT IF THIS IS JOHN WICK IN SPACE?!?!?!’

So I am DISMAYED that King does not reassure us AT ALL.

Thus I am forced to cling to this tidbit here: “ But these books are made from a place of joy, not from a place of anger; from a place of hope, not from a place of despair. It very much contrasts to those other books, in my mind.”

Killing the dog would not be joyful. XD So, like. I’m REALLY HOPIN’ HE’LL BE OKAY.

AND LASTLY, (Except not really)

I have some additional, miscellaneous thoughts unrelated to the interview b/c I’m me and I’m loving having a Supergirl comic back on the shelves, however polarizing it may be.

Something I realized, when details started to come out regarding the book, and that other folks have now noted as well: Kara was 16 when Rebirth launched in 2016; she’s just turned 21 in 2021, making her one of the extremely few comic characters to age in real time.

I don’t think that was planned, but it is cool.

It occurred to me on a re-read that Ruthye never calls Kara Kara in her narration, only Supergirl. And I was a little sad! But then I remembered that Kara wouldn’t necessarily reveal her identity to people she’s helping, she would just be ‘Supergirl’ to them. 

I really do love how, so far, there has been NARY A MENTION of Kara angst-ing over being in Clark’s shadow, or being Superman’s cousin.

It appears that her drinking alone on a remote planet is more related to trying to forget her trauma/grief related to Krypton. MAYBE. We don’t know yet.

The Clark thing could still come up. I hope it doesn’t. 

(Interesting to note! Kara recently appeared in Action Comics, helping Clark and Jon investigate some Kryptonian refugees; IDK how closely these books will necessarily ‘work together’ in terms of continuity, but! It’s possible that the discovery of those mysterious refugees was triggering, thus sending her on her way to her own solo title.)

(Well. That’s gonna be my headcanon, anyway. XD)

AND LASTLY, (for real this time)

ISSUE FOUR COVER!!!!

Okay, some immediate thoughts:

GOOD LORD IT’S STUNNING.

I loooooove the fire motif, reminds me of a part from the Rebirth run, where Kara met the Super-Man of China, and they visually referenced All-Star Superman, having the Kryptonians kind of...become the sun.

Also STAR CHART?!?! PIRATE MAP!?!?!?! 

The VIBES I tell you, the VIIIIIIIBES.

Also I love that it’s just Kara.

Don’t get me wrong! I like Ruthye just fine so far! But yeah, yeah, give me some more solo-Kara focus, even if it’s just in the art.

Just realized that once this thing gets collected as a TBP, we might get some Evely art backmatter. OhHhhHHhhH YESSSS. 

Anyways, the long wait for issue 2 begins! 

[jokers-of-the-impractical]

Brian Quinn Mini Series “Don’t You Remember?” Part 1 of 3

(A/N: Woohoo! Part 1 is here! All three parts of this mini series are based on Adele songs, the titles of these songs will also serve as the title of the chapter. Also trigger warning: some swearing, minor counts of abuse, and miscarriage. Enjoy!)

Word count: 3000ish?

As I took one last look in the mirror and smoothed my hair down. I embraced in seeing my reflection in the mirror, it has been so long since I had looked anywhere close to decent, let alone actually dressing up with my hair, nails, and makeup done for an event. I sharply let out a deep breath that I didn’t know I was holding in and reminded myself to have an amazing time tonight. I was walked out of my bathroom and into my bedroom I looked around to see all the progress I had recently made in the past month or so. My bedroom was no longer littered with empty food containers, dirty clothes everywhere, and most importantly I was no longer a wreck that was either huddled up on the floor curled into a ball, only moving to my bed, the kitchen, or the bathroom. Remembering the last year and the hell I had endure I never thought I would be okay again. I stopped the thoughts that were pooling in my head, tonight was about me and my life, I was not gonna spend any more time thinking about my stupid ex boyfriend and havoc he wreaked on my life. Besides tonight I was going to see the celebrity that I wanted to be my boyfriend in real life so that made me beyond thrilled. I was taken out of my day-dream by the sound of my phone notifying me that my Uber was a minute away,  I gave my cat a few pets and a kiss on the head before I got in my Uber and began my journey to the venue.

As I was dropped outside of the venue I saw the giant sign lighting up with the four friendly faces that were the event. Sal, Murr, Joe, and Q all with the biggest smiles with tonight’s date in big letters. I could barely contain my excitement as I got in line. I smoothed my black jumpsuit and waited eagerly to get inside. I looked around to see what other people chose to wear and I was nervous. A lot of people came in t-shirts and shorts and there I stood with my hair curled, with a cat-eye and deep red lipstick, dark painted nails, and in a skin-tight black jumpsuit with a sheer netting top with two lace appliques on the chest with a nude camisole layered underneath, it was topped off with my favorite opal halo ring, stud earrings, my nose ring, and finally my black vans. I decided to heck with it! I love this outfit and that is all that matters. Soon, I got up to the front of the line got my ticket scanned and went inside to find my seat. Not long after sitting and waiting the stage lights lowered and the venue erupted with screams and applause as the Jokers entered the stage.

 The show was a blast! It was filled with so much silliness and laughter, and meshed into an enjoyable blur as I found myself exiting the venue and waiting near their tour bus. I had done this so many times after concerts that I hoped that maybe I’d get to at least see them up close in person. While I waited with the ten or so other people that had the same idea. I chatted with the roadies and other various crew that were outside, just because they weren’t famous didn’t mean they were any less cool, so I talked them about cool stories from tours they’ve done and any other topics that came up. After standing out there for what felt like hours, the jokers came out of the venue and the other people pushed and shoved past me trying to get photos and autographs from the guys. I was beyond star-struck to see the four guys who unknowingly gotten me through so much recently that I froze in place. I felt my hand slip into my bag and clutch on the envelope I had in there. I was in awe seeing them like a few feet in front of me. But I also realized when everyone else pushed past me I was now at the back of the line. I mean don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to see them not through a TV screen but part of me hoped that I would be able to give Q the letter I wrote him in person. Seeing how after his horrible love life he was still able to find joy and bring it to others as well inspired me and played a huge part in helping me get over the nasty breakup I went through with my ex Dean. I stayed at the back listening to them talking to the fans and answering questions and debated leaving seeing as there was no way I was going to get to talk to Q. As I was about to turn around and leave Sal spoke up,

“Hey what about you back there standing all by your lonesome?” I looked around, surely he couldn’t be talking to me. “Yeah you! In the black jumpsuit.” Oh my God, he is talking to me. He motioned me to come over, and had the group of fans make a path for me. I gently shuffled to face the Jokers, I could barely breathe and I was practically shaking with excitement. There before were the Impractical Jokers. I took a brief moment and glanced at each one of them, Q last of course because he had always been my favorite. When I looked at his facial expression, I couldn’t quite place it. I had never seen him make that face on the show before.

“What’s your name?” Joe asked.

“I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you guys.”

“Hey Y/N! It’s nice to meet you too, is there anything we can do for you? A picture, an autograph?” Murr asked with his bright smile never fading

“I mean I would love a picture, but I don’t want to keep you guys too long. I mean I’m traveling to your show tomorrow night too, so it’s not a big deal or anything.” I saw Sal nudge Q once or twice on the arm before Joe finally spoke up. “Oh of course! Don’t worry you’re not taking up too much time or anything we love you guys!” I beamed a ginormous smile when he said that and asked one of the other fans to take a photo of all four of us and thanked them as they handed me my phone back. Now, I knew it was now or never that I had to give Q the letter so I piped up again.

“There is one more thing! If that’s okay?” I know they had just said it was, but I still wanted to check. Now, Joe tapped on Q. Huh, he was really shy in person, he didn’t speak a single word since I’ve been up here.

Sal smiled and was the one to answer this time, “Heck yeah, what can we do for ya Miss Y/N?” As soon he asked, he looked back at Q and I heard a small exasperated sigh.

My hands got shaky again as I reached into my purse and pulled out the letter sealed in an envelope and addressed to Q. “Um here, Q. I have this letter I wrote you and I was hoping to give it to you in person.” As soon as I said his name Q’s eyes darted to mine. He took it from and paused for a second. The whole world seemed to be silent in that moment.

Finally I heard Brian Quinn speak, “is it okay with you if I read it now, like not out loud or anything. I just want you to be here when I read it.” I felt a blush rise to my cheeks, never did I think I would be standing in front of Brian Quinn as he read my story about my horrible ex boyfriend who broke my heart and left me during some the of worst parts of my life to be faced alone. Just a year ago I was sure I was gonna marry Dean, that he was it. But instead he chose to flirt with my best friend, cheat on me, and claimed I was lying when I told I was pregnant after I got fed up and left him. He still thought I was lying when I told him the stress he caused me resulted in a miscarriage. Through the whole breakup (and most of the relationship too) Dean had me convinced that everything that happened was my fault and I should have been grateful to have him be willing to date me in the first place. The only thing that got me out of a year long slum of sadness and heartache for the Dean I used to know and the child I had lost was watching Impractical Jokers, they were the people that taught me to smile and laugh again. Because of them I went back to work teaching elementary school and finding happiness and joy in the little things. I nodded my head to Q that he could read it now. Before them, I used to look back at the relationship begging Dean to remember why he loved me before, but they helped me realize I deserved more.

I watched him open the envelope, take out the multipage letter and begin to read it. I could tell when he was getting into all the gory details of my breakup by the way his face showed sadness, and then anger. The guys kept watching him, trying to figure out what was going on in the letter. Finally, as he was getting to the end I saw a small smile on his face. He put the letter back in the envelope and said in a shy voice, “could hang around for a few minutes after everyone else has left? I wanna talk to you about this, but I also wanna make sure everyone gets their photos and stuff.”

“Sure, I could do that.” I let a giggle. After everyone else left, the first thing Q did was hug me. My brain was on fire! My celebrity crush was hugging me? AHH!! OMG YES! It was no measly hug either, it was a giant bear hug, he enveloped me and we stayed like that for a few moments. Finally we pulled away.

“Hey, if this isn’t too forward, what are you doing right now?”

“Umm. Nothing? I was just gonna go home, get ready for tomorrow’s show and go to bed.”

“Would you like to get some food with us? I know a really good 24-hour diner that we’ve gone to when we’ve toured here before.” Okay this had to be a dream, or you hit your head on your ceiling of Uber and are hallucinating right now. There was no way this was happening!

“I would love that!” And with that you and the guys piled into a sleek black SUV and made your way to the restaurant.

 On the way there you heard Sal mutter to Joe and Murr, “Geeze this guy practically can’t speak to her cause he thinks she’s so pretty, and now he’s inviting her out to food not 5 minutes later. What is up with him!” Joe and Murr exchanged glances and giggled. They both knew what this feeling was, it was what Joe felt with Bessy and Murr with Melyssa. Wait, he thinks I’m pretty? At the diner, you enjoyed the company of all the guys, with your permission Q divulged into the contents of the letter. By the time it was over Sal was hugging you and practically bawling, Murr was in shock and didn’t know what to say, and Joe was ready to hunt Dean down and kill him. You insisted you were okay and asked to spend the rest of the evening focusing on happy stuff. When it was time to go, Q had you put your phone number in his phone and he did the same with yours. As you were about to order an Uber to take you back home, Q grabbed your hand.

“This might sound crazy... But since you’re a teacher you don’t work tomorrow right?”

“Tomorrow is Saturday so no I do not have work tomorrow.”

“Awesome, so why don’t you come with us on the tour bus to the show tomorrow? It’s so far from here I would hate to think of the travel time it would take you tomorrow.” That really threw you off guard. Brain Quinn wants me to go with him and his buddies on their tour bus, overnight? The other guys chimed in and agreed with him. You thought it over for a moment, ya know what? Why not! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!

“Sure! I’m down!” They all cheered but then a groan left my lips. “Shoot, but what am I gonna wear? What about the smeared makeup I’ll wake up with?”

“Don’t worry we’ll get that taken care of, Bessy and Melyssa are coming tomorrow so I’m sure they can grab some yoga pants and makeup remover on the way. And plus we have tons of merch shirts so you could take one!” Wow, he really thought of everything didn’t he. 

-THE NEXT EVENING-

Bessy and Melyssa were super sweet! Sure enough they came with makeup wipes and some really cute yoga pants that went really well with the tour shirt. I was invited to watch backstage with them and I happily agreed. As the guys were about to go on-stage I heard Sal, Murr, and Joe whispering about some prank punishment they were going to pull on Q at the end of the show. Occasionally, they’d look over at me and then go back to plotting so quietly I couldn’t hear them. Again tonight the show was amazing and funny! These guys just had such amazing chemistry with the audience and each other. Finally it was the end of the show when Joe piped up.

“Before we end for the night, we have a surprise addition to this performance, don’t we boys?” He looked over at Murr and Sal, Q looked around confused.

“Oh that’s right Joseph!” exclaimed Sal, “We have something special planned. And for this, I’m gonna need my buddy Q to go stand in the middle of the stage alone.” Q looked over the guys still wondering what was going on, then he briefly looked at me and then made his way to the middle of the stage.

Murr spoke next, “Joe, Sal, and I thought it would be fun to do an impromptu live punishment on Q. Does that sound good?” Q groaned and the whole crowd cheered. A live punishment how cool! I wondered what they have in mind.

But as soon as Sal started explaining the punishment I tired to put the pieces together. “Ya see,” Sal began, “Very recently Q has become friends with a girl that he finds very very pretty.” Q’s eyes went wide and the crowd continued to scream.

Murr continued “Yup! Just last night, after she fell asleep he could not stop going on about how he thinks he fell in love at first sight, and then after spending hours talking to her, he knew he was sure!” Huh? Did he meet someone else last night? Huh I’m not surprised he’s a chick magnet and amazing.

Joe followed “So we’re gonna need her to come out here right now to do this punishment. Come on out Y/N!” My jaw dropped. Brain thought I was pretty and thought it was love at first sight yesterday! Before I knew what was happening Bessy and Melyssa were leading me to the middle of the stage. Where I was placed right next to Q and the crowd went wild.

The boys asked in unison, “Q are you ready for your punishment?” He looked at me with a shy smile, gulped and then nodded his head. “ASK Y/N ON A DATE!!!” they screamed at the top of their lungs. The noise of the audience was now deafening. Joe came over and handed Q a mic. Then Brain turned to face me, his cheeks the brightest color of red.

“Uh,” he started out. “Hi Y/N.” I was then handed a mic too by Murr.

“Hi.” He leaned in and took a closer look at my face.

“Wait this is you without makeup?” He motioned to my face as he asked.

I nodded my head “yup.”

“Wow, you’re even more beautiful than yesterday. So uhh. Would you like to go on a date with me?” I didn’t even say anything I just turned and hugged him, and kissed him on the cheek. The guys started cheering with everyone else.

Sal said one last time “Okay, so maybe that wasn’t a punishment for Q, but it definitely was for Y/N!” with a laugh “We are the Tenderloins from Impractical Jokers have a good night everyone!” With that we all walked off stage. My mind was racing, Dean who? A year ago I was begging him to remember me, but now I was begging for him to forget me as soon as possible, because the Brian Quinn and I had a date to look forward to.

(A/N: If you read this far, thank you! I know it was LONG. Feedback is always appreciated :) )

[jackambrosemodeling]

Boy Talk || Jack & Brandon

When: May 2, 2021

Where: Jack’s apartment, Santa Monica, California

Featuring: Brandon Kelly (dialogue provided by Katie @itsbrandonkelly)

Triggers: Allusion to alcoholism

After firing off a You’d better be home. text to Jack, he realised that he really should have checked first to save him from waiting outside their apartment but that’s why there were so many saying about hindsight. Still, he knocked to let his presence be known instead of texting again, hoping he’d timed his visit well.

Jack was coincidentally home when they received Brandon's text. They got out of the shower when they saw the message. After texting him back with a 'bitch I might be', Jack unlocked their door as well as the entrance door to the apartment building. They followed up with a 'door's open' text and went to go find clothes to put on before Brandon came inside.

He huffed out in amusement at the first response he got and then knocked again at the second before letting himself in. “Who leaves their door open? This is the start to every horror film ever, then again just letting yourself into someone’s home is also how they start.” He called out, heading to the kitchen instead of looking for Jack. He figured they would have answered the door if they weren’t occupied with something else and so they’d join him when they were done. When he found glasses, he settled himself on the couch and shrugged off his jacket.

"I do when I know someone's coming over!" they yelled from behind their closed bedroom door. If someone had actually broken into their apartment for nefarious purposes, Jack was more than prepared to deal with the situation. Once they were presentable, they looked around until they found Brandon in the living room. "Comfy there?" they teased. "You know I love seeing you, but a little more of a heads up would've been nice. I could've still been in the shower. I could've been actively having sex!"

“Who’s supposed to be coming over? I can’t believe you were inviting people to chill and I wasn’t one of them?” Brandon had taken out his phone to sit on the couch with him and had even gotten as far as pouring them both a drink before Jack had come to meet him. “Yep. I made myself at home.” He gave Jack his best smile, even fluttering his eyelashes for good measure. “If you loved seeing me that much you would invite me over to do those things with you. Besides, it’s not much of a surprise visit if I tell you about it, is it?”

“You! I opened the door for you, silly!” Jack looked at the two glasses, then back to Brandon. “Oh shit, the wine that Nyle sent as a moving present! I forgot I had that.” They didn’t want to be rude and throw it out, and figured it would be good to have in case of guests, so they hid it. The fact that they managed to not drink any of it themself was a miracle. “Yeah, I’m not sure how Viv would feel about that... speaking of which. Fun update in my life. I’m kind of seeing someone? Still figuring out labels and whatnot.” Though there were rumors floating around the gossip sphere, Brandon was the first person they confirmed the rumor to.

“Then the door wouldn’t be open so it wouldn’t matter if you were showering or fucking, would it?” Jack’s comment had Brandon looking at the bottle again and picking up the glass closest to it. “Mine is alcoholic. I brought you some appley juice recommended by the best palate I know.” He patted the space beside him before his eyebrows raised in surprise. “You settled before you boned me? Disgusting. Unacceptable.” Despite his words, he started grinning. “I’m so happy for you, babe. That’s cute.”

“Brandon, stop making good points,” they huffed, sitting down on the couch next to Brandon. “Oh, thanks.” While Jack had never explicitly told Brandon why they quit drinking, it appeared that he had gotten the hint. “I’m sorry. It turns out I have a SIMP gene that was activated by me moving to Santa Monica. Who would’ve thunk it?” they joked, knowing damn well that they’ve simped over every person they’ve ever dated.

“I can’t help that I’m brilliant. Sorry buddy; you just gotta live with that I’m afraid.” He hummed quietly in amusement. Brandon simply offered them a smile at their thanks. They never joined in whenever B was drinking and he was nothing if not attentive. Sometimes, at least. “Literally no one because the simp gene has always been in you and always been active but I’ll keep that to myself if it really makes you feel better.”

"All my friends are hot and smart, but I'm just hot. Story of my life." Jack sighed, taking a sip of the juice that was so graciously provided to them. "Excuse me?!" Jack exclaimed overdramatically. "Are you calling me a simp? In the comfort of my own apartment?! I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment. I don't know how I'll go on!" They busted into  laughter, unable to keep the act up.

“You’re hot and smart. What the fuck are you talking about? Be nice to my friend or I’ll kick your ass.” He reached his foot out to nudge Jack with, an amused smile on his face. “Plus, you’re also super hot, own it. And yes. I’m calling you a simp. You’re the themperor of simpington. Population... Uh, I don’t know how many people are in Santa Monica but that’s the population.”

“Brandon, I was a straight-C student in high school and have the common sense of a bag of potato chips. I know my strengths and weaknesses.” Jack knew they weren’t book smart and it didn’t bother them. “Excuse me, I am not Themperor Simpington. That title belongs to Sunwoo Seong. Have you met them? But they did skip town a while back... shit. I didn’t ask for this title. I need to find a new non-binary friend to bestow this title on. I just need more enby friends in general.”

“You don’t have the common sense of a bag of potato chips, Jesus Christ Jack.” Brandon laughed as he slapped Jack’s arm. “You’ve survived this long in this industry, babe. That’s not down to potato chip brain, even I nearly crashed out a couple of years in.” He raised an eyebrow, head tilted as he fixed them a look of disapproval. “You are Themperor Simpington. The queen has spoken. I met Sunwoo once and obviously offered to climb that tree but they left and Joonie was sad so I’m no longer a fan of tall, hot and dimpled. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a huge simp for my sweet boy.”

“Hey, I’m funny. Fuck you,” they retorted, chuckling. “I’ve been told that I’m charismatic, and that’s helped me out in the industry. I’m still not that famous though.” While Jack was relatively well-known in queer circles, heterosexual circles were a whole other ballpark. Being friends with Brandon and recently befriending Vanessa did help their social standing though. “Themperor Simpington my butt,” they grumbled. “Wait, when you say ‘my sweet boy,’ do you mean Minjoon or do you have another boo I should know about?”

“Bitch, I been trying to get you to for so long now. I was starting to think you needed glasses.” Bee broke into a laugh before he even finished his sentence, nudging Jack’s arm in his giggling. “Yeah, you have to have a look and you have to be charming to start work in this industry but to survive in it? You have to be smart. About that though, I know I keep promising you a space on my next project and it’s had a few.. speed bumps I guess? Not really speed bumps but personal delays? Either way, I know enough now to be able to tell you that Queen B’s.. that I’m releasing a trial perfume.. fragrance line. Five scents to start, each will have its own colour have theme shots with, each will have its own model to associate with and I want you, if you’re interested?” Their mumbling made Brandon grin, coughing as a terrible fake attempt at covering up the ‘Simp.’ he titled them with again. “Minjoon is my sweet boy. I don’t have another boo, not even a little bit but if you hear simp alarms going off whenever I like the instas of a very beautiful friend of mine then mind ya business.”

"Oh my god. Brandooooon!" Though Jack had quite a few friends with benefits in their days, whenever the thought of doing anything with Brandon crossed their mind, they thought about the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed seventeen-year-old they met all those years ago. Jack's eyes lit up when he started talking about his fragrance line project. "Oh hell yeah I'm interested. Just remember, my favorite colors are purple and pink." They winked at Brandon. Aside from one photoshoot in L.A. that they did after fashion weeks, their work schedule was dryer than a desert. Of course they wouldn't tell him that though. They didn't want to sound desperate. Jack would've taken this job even if they weren't in need of work. "B, you're gonna have to be a little more specific than that. I know you. You don't befriend ugly people."

The laugh that left him this time was more of a giggle and he scrunched his nose up, shaking his head. “I tease but honestly, you’re practically family. Did you know that my parents ask after you? They know as much about you as I do but.. Well, they’re embarrassing. Eh, mom’s okay. Dad’s embarrassing so you’ll probably never meet them but yeah.. They get told about the important people in my life and you’ve been in it longer than Joonie.” Brandon groaned, setting his glass down. “Can’t believe I’m being gross and emotional already. Moving on..” He said, a little louder. “Purple would be fantastic for you. It’s a very royal colour and I’m going to do the obvious and lean into that a little but silk, not velvet. Pink was going to have a sweet-candy-lace vibe to it but if you want pink I can give you pink.” Brandon rolled his eyes, despite the heat he could feel spreading up his neck. “I have a... friend called Kian and he’s... There hasn’t been a word invented yet for how beautiful he is and it’s ridiculous and gross because I don’t lose my mind over pretty boys but he’s.. He makes me blush, Jack. I don’t blush.”

"Brandooooooooon! Stop, you're gonna make me blush. I'd love to meet your parents. Parents love me. Well, actually, I just love milfs and dilfs," Jack cackled at their own dumb joke. "But in all seriousness, let me know when they come to town!" As much as they wanted to meet Mr. and Mrs. Kelly, they didn't want to go to the Kelly home to do so. Jack knew that they shared a home state with Brandon, and didn't want to reenter North Carolina at the risk of running into their family. "Ooh, purple and silk? Now you're speaking my language!" Jack wiggled their eyebrows when Brandon mentioned Kian by name. "A yes, the cute delivery boy. You've mentioned him before. We're Instagram mutuals!"

“Do it! Blush, you coward!” Brandon laughed, leaning against Jack’s arm to nudge them. “Oh my god. I can’t believe I have to say this but if you’re gonna fuck my parents, please don’t date them and wait until I’m out of the room if you’re going to flirt, I don’t need to see that. They really would love to meet you though, they’ve been waiting for permission to come to town.” Brandon grinned at Jack at their approval, giving a small nod. “I’ll get some things drawn up for you. I do have a few already as rough drafts but now I know you’re taking it, I can design something a little more tailored to you.” The warmth spreading across his cheeks and colouring his face a darker shade of pink only grew worse as Jack wiggled their brows at him. “Yeah.. Well.. He’s almost perfect. The only thing I’d change about him is his last name.” His reaction to himself was instant, throwing himself against the cushions to yell out a laugh. “And I keep saying dumb cheesy shit like that! I’m a bumbling mess around him. Like.. Like I start off all smooth and collected and then he smiles and I’m just.. fucking applying to be hired by hallmark. It’s.. It’s so cringe and gross and... I’m happy.”

"Brandon, I'll become your new step-parent and ground you, don't tempt me," Jack joked, cackling. "Well give it to them! Don't deprive me of your loving parents!" Jack didn't have loving parents of their own, so if Brandon's parents were anything like Brandon, Jack was going to latch to them like nobody's business. "Oh my goooooooooooood, that was so coooooorrrrnnnnnyyyyy! Damn, and you call me a simp! I'm not out here reciting poetry on main about my crush. And if you bring up the fact that we have keys to each others' apartments, mind your business." Jack knew they were simping hard over Vivian, but now it was Brandon's turn to be in the hot seat. "So have you considered, you know, talking to him?"

“Their ex girlfriend actually tried that once. Oh my god, it was kind of funny though. You’ll have to treat me better when our guests arrive and do as you’re told or I’ll have you cut off until you learn some damn respect.” He mimicked in a too high voice, rolling his eyes afterwards. “Like.. Honey, I’ve only just noticed you’re not the last guy they were dating and that’s only because you started pterodactyl screeching.” Despite his playful tone, Brandon could feel warmth spreading across his face. “Yeah, okay. I’ll.. I’ll invite them up to meet you.” Having made peace with the fact that he‘d made himself into a product, his parents were off limits when it came to the people in his life, knowing how fickle and superficial a lot of his relationships with people were. It was different with Jack though, Jack really was his friend. “Honestly, I’ve been an absolute mess. I pulled the whole ‘My friends call me B, you can call me any time.’ Thing on him when we met and now I just blush all the time and feel nauseous over butterflies.” He waved his hand quickly at Jack’s news, shaking his head. “NUH uh.. We are not going to just gloss over that? Oh my god? Keys? You’re entering domesticity. Like.. Me and Joonie levels of domesticity and my parents are the founders of the BranJoon wedding fan club. Like.. You’re getting into that territory..” There was a small pause before a smile spread across his face. “I’m happy for you, babe. Honestly. You deserve this.” He couldn’t help but sigh at the question, sinking into his seat a little with a pout on his features and a small shrug. “I’ve been so obvious about it. Short of getting a neon sign to carry around, I don’t know how much more obvious I could be and sometimes it feels like he’s being obvious back? Like.. It feels like it’s not just one sided? And then I start having a gay panic and do something dumb because he’s way out of my league which is a new thing for me. I do want to though. Should I?”

"Hold up, hold up. I said that as a joke. You're telling me that your parents are actually non-monogamous?! And you didn't tell me until now?! I came out as polyam like, 2-3 years ago! And now I'm in a monogamous set-up again. I missed my shot. I'm hurt." Jack put their hands over their chest and sniffled, but almost immediately returned to their usual cheerful demeanor. "I'm kidding, I'm not gonna become your step-daddy, or... I don't know what a gender-neutral equivalent would be besides 'parent,' and that doesn't roll of the tongue as well." This wasn't something they had to think about right away. It wasn't like they were going to wake up tomorrow with a child. "Ah yes, your infamous pick-up line." Jack's face turned pink when Brandon acknowledged the keys. "Okay, I actually do have an explanation! I initially gave her my spare key because I asked her to water my plants when I was away for Fashion Week. Granted, she didn't do a good job and managed to kill both plants, but that's an aside. But yeah, I just never asked for the spare key back." Jack gave Brandon a shoulder pat. They really didn't know Kian, so couldn't tell what the full situation was. "What I've learned from my many years of dating men is that men are dumb and sometimes you literally need to spell things out for them."

“As momma dearest says, monogamy is for the weak. Anyway, they were already in a relationship when you came out. Also? I don’t want to be hooking my parents up with my hotties?” Brandon pulled a face at Jack, nose scrunched up in disapproval. “To be fair though, you and Viv wouldn’t even be the first couple they’ve dated. You’d be the first I’d... somewhat approve of but..” He shrugged before laughing. “Oh my god. There are a couple.. Zaza or zeze instead of dada and mama but given the chance I’d mash up dad and mom and just refer to you as my dom to make everyone in the room uncomfortable.” He shook his head, laughing quietly. “I hate this so much, Jack please.” “I think it’s funny, definitely in my top 3 introductions.” He found himself sitting up straighter when he noticed the blush on Jack’s cheeks, a grin forming on his own features. “Oh my god. She killed your plants and you let her keep your key? Say it with me, babe. Simp. You’re cute though. I’m totally 100% on board with the two of you. She was one of my heroes.” When the conversation turned back to him, Brandon tilted his head as he weighed his options. “Not Kiki but... You’re right, I guess. He’s probably so used to everyone being in love with him that my flirting is just baseline niceties. Okay, yeah. I’ll.. I’ll tell him that I’m crazy about him. Or I’ll just text him that aggressive meme about wanting to hold hands.”

"Aaaaah, your parents are so cool! I wish my parents were cool like that. Mine are just homophobic." There was a lot more to Sofia and Tony Corleone than just that, but very few people knew about them. This was very much intentional. They made a face at 'zaza' and 'zeze.' "Yeah, not really digging those ones... Wait. Dom?!" Jack paused to laugh. "Fucking hell. Yes. That's definitely what my future kids are gonna call me." Jack never brought up the topic of kids to Vivian. They were still very early in their relationship and Jack was afraid they were too old to be a parent. It was still a nice thought though. "Yeah. I got back from Paris and she was having a bad day, so I ordered a pizza and we just... talked. Had a real heart-to-heart. I ended up staying the night, and we've basically had an open-door policy with each other ever since. And then the next day I went back into my apartment and found out about the plants."  Jack grabbed a pillow from the couch and lightly smacked Brandon's arm with it. "I know, I know! I'm a big sappy simpy mush. I'm a Cancer, I don't know what you expect from me." It took Jack a long time to accept their emotional side, but now they openly embraced it. "Or he might not know how to recognize flirting. I've met many people like that. Like the cute DJ at that bar where Minjoon used to work. Or Minjoon himself!”

“My parents have a big bank balance and even bigger hearts. That’s why I don’t approve of a lot of their partners but yeah.. As much as I give them shit for being lame, they’re the coolest. I mean, they’re the only reason I’m even.. y’know... Around.” Brandon let out an unattractive snort and sat forward to retrieve his glass, pouting when he realised it was empty but simply sat back instead of refilling it. “Please, I am begging you, think carefully as to why I’d find calling you my dom funny before you commit to that decision.” He pressed his lips together to fight his laugh before he let out a soft hum. “Do you think that’s where you’re headed with her? Is she someone you can see yourself having kids with?” He asked softly, his whole demeanour changing from playful now that they had ventured into serious topics. “You don’t have to say yes and you don’t have to have an answer right now. Things are still new with you both and y’know... Take it from the adopted, some people don’t want kids and some do.” He shrugged a little.

“Ew. You talked to each other over pizza because one of you had a bad day? That’s disgusting.” When hit with the pillow, Brandon grabbed it to tug it away from Jack so they couldn’t attack him again and he hugged it to his chest, propping his chin on it. “I live for that kind of domesticity.” He sighed wistfully. “You are a big simpy mush and I love that about you. It’s gross and honest and just very sweet. I’m really glad you have someone who makes you feel that way, babe.” Brandon  rolled his eyes and gave the pillow a small squeeze. “Vito really doesn’t recognise flirting? The dude wants to be an actor! With a face like that a lot of his roles are probably going to have it. I wanted to ask if he wanted any help getting into it because he was good to Joonie when they worked together and I always appreciate people taking care of the babie but I also feel like I don’t know him well enough to just give him a shout about a job. Eh. Maybe I’ll get Joonie to text him about this perfume thing and actually see what skills he has. Joonbug doesn’t count for the whole flirting thing though, attraction isn’t really his thing.”

"I gotcha," Jack stated, nodding. They had a similar problem when they first started modeling. They loved to spoil their loved ones-- and still do-- and people often took advantage of their generosity. As Jack grew older, they learned how to weed out the moochers. Of course Brandon was never a moocher; he wasn't the type to take without giving, plus he had plenty of his own money. Jack watched for Brandon's reaction, then chuckled in response to his face. "Babe, I know. I was joking. Could you imagine?!" They shrugged at Brandon's question. "Honestly, I have no idea. I think it's too soon to talk about that kinda stuff. I thought I was never gonna become a parent because Sage didn't want kids, but, you know, they're not my fiancé anymore." Sage not wanting kids wasn't the main reason the engagement was broken off, but it was a bone of contention in the relationship.

"Oh hush. One day you'll have a heart-to-heart over pizza too. Well, maybe not because of the whole gluten thing, but some food that you enjoy." They stuck their tongue out at Brandon. "Ohh, that's his name! At least he didn't recognize me flirting with him. Could just be that he wasn't into me because he's straight, but I'm hot so that's dumb." Jack didn't want to have sex with straight dudes anyways, so they didn't consider it a major loss. "Attraction isn't his thing? Is he asexual or something?" they asked curiously. "Wait a minute, you're deflecting!"

[sailorbadger]

Book Review - 6 modern female-led Robin Hood adaptations

In the past 8 months or so I have read/watched/listened to over 30 different Robin Hood adaptations. Over the summer I found myself reading almost exclusively adaptations that were written by women and centered women in the story one way or another. (I also found out that “lesbian Robin Hood” is a whole genre on its own.) I decided to write short reviews for 6 of these books since I know I have followers that probably share my enjoyment of this particular niche. 

This post includes spoiler-free reviews for the following books

Outlaw and Scarlet by Niamh Murphy

Nottingham: The True Story of Robyn Hood by Anna Burke

Hood by Jenny Elder Moke

Marian, Princess Thief by C.K. Brooke

Heart of Sherwood by Edale Lane

The rest of the post will be under the cut since this is quite long.

Despite the fact that I read other books that could technically fit this same category, I decided to focus on these six in my review because these ones are easily accessible to most of my audience (meaning that they are in English and new enough - the oldest one being from 2018 I think - so that you should be able to find them easily). 

I tried to keep these reviews relatively short and spoiler-free. That means that describing specific plot points is impossible because in most of these, the basic premise is the typical Robin Hood origin story. I tried to focus on my general feelings about the books and the characters and their relationships. 

I won’t be doing any numerical ratings. I know that the order in which I read these impacted on how I felt about them. If I had read them in a different order, I would probably feel differently about some of them. That’s why it’s difficult for me to give any real ratings. The reviews are not in any real order either, apart from my favorite being the last one.

These reviews are also about 75% serious and 25% not serious. When my friend and I started to go through all these different Robin Hood adaptations, we made a bingo card that features tropes/themes/details found in a lot of different versions of the story. I’ll leave quick comments on the reviews on how each of these did, but I won’t go too much into detail on those.

Niamh Murphy: Outlaw & Scarlet

I grouped these two books together because they are the first two parts of a series. My understanding is that the author does plan on eventually releasing more, but since Scarlet was released this year, it might take a while. If a third book does come out, I might read it, but I’m not in a hurry to reread these two.

Outlaw tells the story of how Robyn, the daughter of a baron, ends up becoming an outlaw. If you are familiar with at least a few Robin Hood adaptations, you will know how it goes. There are no big surprises, but I suppose the purpose of this story is to introduce us to the characters and set the scene for the later books. Scarlet continues Robyn’s story and introduces a new character to the story. (I won’t go too much into details on the second book to avoid spoilers, since its plot does not follow familiar beats as much as the first one.)

Besides the books on this list, I have also read/watched/listened to several other Robin Hood adaptations as well, and when it comes to plot, Outlaw lands in the “uninteresting” section. There was nothing new or exciting there, and seeing that I have spent most of the year in a Robin Hood -bubble, I was left wanting more. Scarlet was a slight improvement seeing as Outlaw was mostly a very generic Robin Hood origin story. Together they still feel like this is just the beginning of a longer story, so I hope that if a third book comes out we get into the real action.

Outlaw is marketed as a “lesbian retelling” of the Robin Hood story, but compared to some of the other titles on this list, I was left wanting more. The romance aspect is barely there, so if you’re going to pick these up for Robyn and Marian’s relationship, prepare for slow burn. 

The characters didn’t leave a huge impression on me. I do have to say that the Sheriff’s wife was interesting and I wish we had gotten more of her. Other than her, I felt that at times many of the characters could have been from any adaptation. 

Overall, there wasn’t anything really wrong with these books, but they just didn’t entertain me as much as the others. I feel that if I had read these before all the other ones on this list, I would have enjoyed them more. Outlaw and Scarlet are a good read for someone who wants a basic Robin Hood story with a lesbian lead. I still think that marketing the first book as a “lesbian retelling” is setting unrealistic expectations for some, but I hope that in the future the series really earns that title.

I completely forgot to fill out a bingo card for these two and at this point I have forgotten many of the details so unfortunately we’ll never know the result. Most of the tropes hit were so general they probably weren’t on our card anyway.

Anna Burke: Nottingham: The True Story of Robyn Hood

Out of all of the books in this list, Anna Burke’s Nottingham is perhaps the most explicit in its queerness. Although the story obviously doesn’t use modern labels, I would say that it includes representation for (at least) lesbian, bi and trans character(s). None of this feels too out-of-place, and instead Nottingham offers a (mostly) historically accurate Robin Hood tale with a queer main cast.

The plot mostly follows your typical Robin Hood -formula: After a hunting accident, Robyn becomes an outlaw, surrounds herself with loyal friends and helps those in need. This aspect of the book doesn’t offer any new ideas or challenge the existing ideas about Robin Hood as a story. However, it focuses more on the characters, so it doesn’t really need anything new. Marian especially has to come to terms with her feelings towards Robyn and women in general. I do have to say though, that the romance between Robyn and Marian happens a little fast - they only meet a few times before falling in love. [Insert joke about lesbians moving too fast here] It didn’t bother me too much, but I do wish there had been a little more buildup. 

From this list, I read this book the most recently. It may be that I was just so burned out from reading all these Robin Hood -stories but I didn’t connect with the book that well. I enjoyed it, but I wish there had been more of that fun sense of adventure I look for in these stories. 

I would recommend Nottingham to anyone who wants to read a story that manages to be historically accurate and use the Robin Hood mythos to its advantage while not shying away from its portrayal of queerness. Although it did not hold my attention as well as some of the other books, it is still written well and has a good story.

This book didn’t get a bingo unless you interpret “lähentely* which is uncomfortable for the audience” as the sex scene (there is sex in this book but nothing that explicit, I would say high T/low M in Ao3-ratings) being uncomfortable for the reader OR the third person in that scene being uncomfortable. About half of the bingo card was still filled.

*I couldn’t come up with a good translation for this word, it means something along the lines of making moves/coming onto someone/making advances, though for this bingo I use it to generally mean anything flirty/intimate/sexual/etc.

 Jenny Elder Moke: Hood

This book was the first one on this list I read. Compared to the other novels, I would say that Hood is the least like your typical Robin Hood story. The book follows Isabelle, Robin and Marian’s daughter, who has to find her father in order to save her mother. The adventure is brand new, though there are still familiar characters and the basic concept of Robin Hood is honored. This is a story about the next generation of outlaws, so if you’re looking for something that focuses on characters from the legends, you may be disappointed.

Speaking of the characters, I loved Little, Patrick and Helena. I could have just read a book where this group of young outlaws has adventures and been satisfied. Unfortunately I didn’t connect well with the main lead, Isabelle, and the love interest, Adam, felt like a very generic hot guy from a YA novel. The romance itself is practically non-existent, and honestly I could have done without it. Seriously, I had completely forgotten about that whole thing until I started writing this review. This story is more about Isabelle’s relationship with her parents, which I like. She also gets to build genuine friendships with the other characters. I just wish the book had been a little longer so that it could have spent more time developing some of these relationships.

Had I read this book when I was a teenager, I most likely would have loved it a lot more. It is YA, and at times it really shows. As far as Robin Hood stories go, I generally enjoy the “outlaws being outlaws in the forest” content the most, and unfortunately this featured surprisingly little of it. It still offered its own take on what could happen after the legends everyone knows, even if it doesn’t add much to the legends themselves.

It is important that I mention here that if Allan has a child in an adaptation, this child must be named either Allan jr. or Alana. This book fulfills this basic need for me and I am satisfied. It also checked most of the boxes on the bingo, and I almost filled the whole sheet. So somehow, despite not really following the typical Robin Hood formula, Hood managed to include all the important tropes.

If you are a teenager who enjoys Robin Hood -stories, I would definitely recommend this book. It’s not the best YA novel out there, but it’s a good standalone story. I think that for adults, this can be a good read if you are a fan of Robin Hood -stories and/or enjoy this type of YA anyway. I wasn’t sure what type of book this was when I started reading, but if you just prepare yourself for a fun adventure aimed at young teens, you can enjoy this. It’s very quick to read, I think I read it in one day.

Also, I must quote a review I saw on Storygraph (imagine this is in all caps) : “hjsxhfjsdksfjk???????????? Patrick best character no cap”

C. K. Brooke: Marian, Princess Thief

In Marian, Princess Thief, Robin Hood doesn’t exist at all. Instead the story follows Marian, who in this version is a princess, who escaped an assassination attempt and is now living in the forest as an outlaw with six other women - the genderbent versions of the Merry Men. Eventually there is a romance in this book as well, but the biggest force carrying through the book is the friendship between the women. If I had to describe the novel in just one word, I would say it’s lovable. If I had to describe it in two, I would say it’s dissappointingly heterosexual. 

Maybe the fact that I found a genre that is basically “lesbian Robin Hood” has ruined me, but how can you write a story that features seven women living in the forest as outlaws, and not one of them is queer? This is entirely a thing that bothers me personally, and the book doesn’t need queer representation to be good, but there is no reason to not include it. Headcanons can fortunately go a long way, but I’m just saying that you could easily keep everything about Scarlett’s backstory the same except make her a lesbian. (In fact, I’m 98% joking when I say that her not being a lesbian is a homophobic choice. I will elaborate on this if you ask me but I won’t go too much into it here because I would have to explain things about other adaptations as well.)

As for the straight romance, I can’t say that I was feeling it. I could see the points where I was supposed to feel something, so maybe it’s just the fact that I’m aspec myself, but I didn’t care that much about it. Still, it was refreshing to see a story where the romance doesn’t overshadow the friendships between the women, and instead they are valued just as much (if not more) as the romantic relationship. The story doesn’t dig too deeply into the characters, but I still loved all the women. (I don’t care about the male lead. But I know others who would.)

I think the biggest “problem” this book has (apart from not making Scarlett a lesbian) is that the ending feels just a little bit rushed compared to the rest of the novel. I still think that the novel achieves everything it tries to do, but I could have used one more chapter to flesh out the climax.

The bingo card wasn’t even close to being full, but you know what, Marian, Princess Thief is good enough as it is and doesn’t need to follow all the familiar tropes. Still, how hard is it to include a bird?

This was a very quick read, in fact I basically just read it all in one go. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to read something lighthearted and, like me, is often disappointed by the lack of women in Robin Hood stories.

To end this, I will leave you with a translated quote from my WhatsApp commentary: “What is it that in all these Robin Hood stories these old dudes are all after these young maidens like get yourself a hot milf and leave the kids alone”

Edale Lane: Heart of Sherwood

Heart of Sherwood is my favorite Robin Hood -novel that I have read so far. It has just about everything I could want: good characters, a fun sense of adventure, political scheming, great relationships (both romantic and platonic) and a good ending. I was less than two chapters into this book when I knew that this would be a difficult one to top.

The premise of this book is very similar to Burke’s Nottingham: both follow the story of Robyn becoming an outlaw, making friends with the other Merry (Wo)Men and developing a relationship with Marian. I don’t want to compare these two stories too much, but I did prefer the more lighthearted tone of Heart of Sherwood. This was also the first book where I was actually invested in the romance. Normally in pretty much all Robin Hood adaptations, the relationship between Robin and Marian doesn’t interest me greatly; I don’t mind it, but it’s not something I have too many personal feelings about. However, only a few chapters into Heart of Sherwood I thought: “If these two don’t get a happy ending I’m going to jump out of the window.” (I won’t spoil where this threat ended up going.)

One thing I appreciate about the romance in this one is that Robyn and Marian already know each other, so I didn’t have to deal with a romance that develops too fast. The novel also had other things to offer besides being a “lesbian Robin Hood” story, so I didn’t feel like I had to enjoy the romance to enjoy the whole story. I was very invested the whole way through, and out of all the books I’ve reviewed here, this one made me the most emotional. 

As a fan of the BBC show, I do have to say that this novel had a very similar vibe; there was a good balance of action and humor. Maybe that was a part of why I enjoyed this so much. I was also able to predict exactly how certain things would end up. I kind of wish I would have been more surprised. 

This novel is well paced, it is exactly the right length for the story it’s telling and overall I can’t really find things to complain about. If I wasn’t petty, I would give this book full five stars, but because I am petty, for very personal reasons I’m giving it 4,99999… stars. As for the bingo, this one filled most of the sheet.

I’ll end this review with this random line I had shared on WhatsApp for some reason: ""Does this mean I am dead?" Alan asked in jest. - - - "Nay; same annoying jester, alive as ever, and likely wanting for a pint about now."”

Conclusion

Writing these reviews was surprisingly difficult because most of the stories follow the same formula, so commenting on anything that moves away from said formula could be considered a spoiler. Hopefully if you read this far you were still interested enough in at least one of these books and feel inspired to read them. I would happily recommend any of them, and if you want to know my more detailed thoughts on them, feel free to message me. The same applies to all the adaptations I’ve gone through. I have Thoughts that I’m dying to share. 

[calpalirwin]

Adrenaline

Summary: Ashton didn’t know it was possible for someone to breathe new life into the broken parts of him he long believed were dead and buried. He didn’t know you were possible.

A/N: Hitting a wall again with my WIPs, so time to find inspiration elsewhere for other ideas. This beauty courtesy of Tyler Rich’s new album, and specifically the song Adrenaline (hence the title and main storyline) and a smidge of Still Love You.

Word Count: 2.1k

And away, and away we go!

__

I was faintly aware of the sound of my front door opening and the sound of feet running up the stairs. But much like the call of “Ash,” that accompanied Calum barging into my bedroom, it was all muddled like I was submerged under water. And given constantly feeling like I was drowning, I supposed that made sense in some fucked up poetic way.

More barely registered movement: curtains pushed open, and a frustrated “Jesus, mate…” as sunlight hit my square on my face. 

“Fuck!” I hissed, screwing my eyes shut, but still seeing splotches of light behind my eyelids as I rolled over, burying my head in my pillow. “Are you tryin’ to make me blind?!”

“No, I’m tryin’ to figure out where the fuck my friend is. You haven’t seen him, have you?”

“Oh, piss off!” I grumbled. “It’s been like 3 days, fuckin’ relax…”

“3 days? Try 3 months.”

“Months?” I rolled back over, squinting over at Calum, the sun still far too fucking bright. “Can you put a dimmer on that, or something?”

“A dimmer switch on the sun? Really?” was the scoff before the lamp on my nightstand flicked on and he shut the blinds. “Is that better, Your Highness?”

“Fuck you…” I groaned, hoisting myself to lean against the headboard. “Months?”

“Yeah. We’ve been taking turns checking in on you.”

“And you chose this particular time to piss me off? To what do I owe the occasion?”

“Am I pissing you off, or are you pissing yourself off? Have you seen the state of this place recently? Or the bottom of all these bottles making everything a lil blurry?”

I held up 2 fingers, a dull ache starting to spread across my head. “Things are going… mmm… swimmingly.” I did my best to flash him a smile, but all it did was somehow worsen the pain beating on the inside of my skull. “Mmm good mate… Honestly.”

Calum rolled his eyes, not convinced of my Oscar-worthy performance. “Look, we’ve been trying to let this shit run its course. Waiting for you to bounce back on your own. But, call me impatient. You got 5 seconds to start dragging your rank ass towards that shower before I carry you there myself.”

“Impatient,” I teased, swinging my legs over the edge of my bed. I braced my hands on either side of me before pushing off.

The floor of my room came rushing towards me, before someone caught me. “Fuckin’ hell, Ash!” Calum swore. 

Cold water hit my face, making me gasp in shock, recoiling away from the stream. “My clothes…” I mumbled, my hands pulling my tank top away from my chest with a wet suction.

“Are fine,” Calum told me.

“Sss cold,” I shivered, my teeth clacking together. 

“Good. It’ll sober you up. Don’t forget to scrub behind your ears!”

The more that water rained down on my face, the more the ringing in my ears subsided. I peeled off my tank top, the soaked fabric slapping against the floor of the tub, followed quickly by my boxers. I nudged them out of the way with my toe before adjusting the water temperature to something a little less bone-chilling.

The grime and filth washed down the drain with my shampoo and soap, my body returning to its normal smell, rather than the dusty brewery it had become.

With a towel wrapped tightly around my waist, I exited the bathroom in search of clean clothes, feeling like my body had come up to the surface but my ears were still fully submerged. The jury was still out on which was more preferable: drowning or floating.

My bed had been stripped, and Calum was throwing empty bottles of liquor in a trash bag. “Jesus... I was gone that long?” I asked, worry starting to churn my stomach into knots.

Calum stilled at my voice, straightening up and turning to look at me, a sad look on his face. “Yeah. What the hell happened, Ash? She cheated, and then lied to you about it. If anyone should be torn up about this, it’s her. If anyone deserves the 3 month long bender, it’s her.”

I let out a huff of air, rifling through the fog for the memory. “We had 2 years before that started happening though,” I defended. “2 good years. And then…” I mimed a bomb going off.

“Boom…” Calum said sullenly.

“Boom,” I agreed, one of my hands going to ruffle through the hair on the back of my head. “Just having a hard time separating the good from the bad, I guess. Didn’t mean to be gone so long.”

“S’alright,” he answered, before waving what appeared to be the last of the bottles in his hand at me. “You got anymore in the house? Full or otherwise?”

I shrugged. “I’ll help you look, and clean up.”

He held up a hand, stopping me as I stepped to leave the room to search the rest of the house. “Get dressed first. I mean, yeah, it’s your house, and I’ve seen your junk plenty of times, but I’d rather not.”

I blushed, gripping the edge of the towel still wrapped around my waist, ducking quickly into my closet. “Thanks, Cal.”

“Anytime, mate.”

“Nah,” I said, stepping into a pair of boxers and then jeans. “I mean…” I grabbed one of my shirts from a hanger, thrusting my arms through the sleeves, fingers fumbling to do up the buttons. 

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Calum cut me off, not waiting for me to find the right words to address my gratitude. “And I meant what I said back. Now c’mon, help me clean up your mess. Or start dishing out the cash for a maid. God knows you’re loaded.”

~~~

“Shit, my bad,” I apologized as a body jostled into mine.

“Ash?” the person asked in surprise.

My entire body froze. “Hey, Lex…” I said, looking down at my ex-girlfriend.

“Hey… How’re things going?”

“They’re going,” I chuckled dryly, my ears roaring, my head sinking deeper and deeper.

She flashed a smile. “That’s good. It’s… uh, nice running into you. I miss you.”

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. “Yeah right.”

“I mean it,” Lexie insisted. “C’mon… we were good together, weren’t we? Don’t you miss me back? Even a little?”

“I-” I started but a hand found my shoulder.

“Was just getting ready to leave. Right, Ash?” Calum urged, jerking his head in the direction of the exit.

“Uh… yeah. Yeah, we were just leaving…”

“Oh… Well, it was nice to see you again, Ash. Cal…”

“Lex,” Calum nodded curtly at her, his voice hard as stone.

I glanced over my shoulder at Lexie as I followed Calum out. She gave a wiggle of her fingers in a goodbye, before dancing up close with some other guy, his hands roaming her body possessively. I clenched my fists.

“Not worth it,” Calum warned low.

“How can I still feel anything akin to love to a girl I don’t even like?” I wondered aloud as we started walking the streets. “It makes no fuckin’ sense. She lied to me. Letting go should be easy.”

“And that’s exactly why I don’t bother with dating,” Calum told me, lighting a cigarette.

“Maybe you should. People are starting to talk about why you aren’t miserable like the rest of us.”

“Ask me if I give a fuck,” he scoffed.

I laughed with him. “I’m serious, Cal. Pretty sure you could come out tomorrow saying any goddamn thing you want. You’re gay. You have a secret family. Anything. And everyone would be like ‘yeah, that checks out.’ Even me, and the rest of the guys.”

“Gay and I have a secret family,” Calum continued with the joke. “There’s power in being mysterious, Ash. I’m telling ya. It’s great. You should try it sometime.”

“Yeah, maybe…” I leaned down to grab a rock off the sidewalk, chucking it at the side of a building. It ricocheted off before clattering to the ground.

“Oh, we’re throwing rocks now?” Calum asked in amusement.

I shrugged. “I dunno. Felt good, though.” I picked up another pebble, cocking my arm back to toss it, throwing it harder than I meant to when I caught sight of the street signs indicating where we were. It clanged loudly off a dumpster, the roar in my ears growing.

“Jesus, dude,” Calum winced.

I braced my hands on my knees, doubling over and breathing hard, breaking into a cold sweat like I’d just run a marathon. Mentally speaking, I supposed I had.

“Ash? Ashton!” Calum shook me.

“What? Sorry…” I shook my head to clear it.

“You alright?”

“Nope.” I popped the “p” and threw another rock. “I can’t get her out of my head. She’s everywhere. All the time! Even here!” I pointed angrily up at the street signs, wanting to throw my fist into the dumpster but I settled for throwing another rock, the ringing matching the sound that blared in my head.

“I don’t know who the fuck ‘she’ is, but you wanna not take out your feelings for her on my dumpster?” someone demanded.

I whirled to find a woman propped against a service door, hands on her hips, hair pulled back in a ponytail, and a green work apron covering up a black polo tucked into black slacks.

“Sorry,” Calum apologized. “We’ll uh… I’ll take my friend somewhere else.”

“Yeah, you do that.” She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Maybe try the beach.”

“You offering to come with?” I asked.

Her laugh was both harsh and light. “Go with your friend, drunk boy.”

“Not a boy for 1. Stone cold sober for 2.”

“Funny. I don’t remember asking. Or giving a shit.”

“Geez… who hurt you?” I laughed, beginning to enjoy her fuck-all attitude.

“Could ask you the same thing,” she countered.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, tell that to my dumpster.”

I walked over to pat the green metal container. “Doesn’t matter,” I crooned to it dramatically before flashing her a grin.

The corners of her lips quivered upwards in a reluctant smile, while Calum sighed loudly, grabbing at my arm. “Stop bothering her with your bullshit, mate. She ain’t biting.”

“She’s smiling, so I’m halfway there. If you think I’m funny now, you should see me when I’m not throwing rocks at a dumpster.”

“Well, here…” she reached into the pocket of her apron, pulling out a napkin and a Sharpie. She turned to use the door as a flat surface to scrawl her number across the napkin on. “Call me when you’re sober, and we’ll see how funny you are then.”

“Oh, c’mon!” Calum groaned.

She paused, the napkin inches from my fingers, looking over at Calum. “Should I not?”

“What do I look like, his babysitter?”

She laughed. “No. But you are his friend. Or so I assume. He usually like this?”

“Sometimes yeah,” Calum admittedly truthfully. “Good sort though.”

Her smile was dangerous and devastating as she handed me the napkin. “This really your number, or are you just fucking with me?”

“Call it, and find out.”

I pulled out my phone, dialing the number and hitting the call button. A phone started buzzing inside her apron pocket. “I wonder who that could be,” she wondered in faux-innocence, answering it. “Hello?” she asked, sweetly, her greeting reverberating out of the speaker of my phone.

“I’m sober.”

~~~

“That’s rough,” she commented softly as we watched the waves crash and break along the shoreline, the sky starting to pinken along the horizon.

I shrugged, my hand finding hers in the sand. “I’m sure I’ll find the reason why it didn’t work out one of these days. Maybe it’s right under my nose.”

“Maybe,” she agreed, tilting her head up towards the sky and taking a deep inhale. “You ever think we’re meant to meet certain people?”

“Like those people you meet and feel instantly connected to?”

“Yeah. Almost like soulmates. Like across all the different lifetimes there are, and all the different possibilities, you’ll always find each other.”

“Yeah. Do you?”

“Sure would explain why I’ve been sitting here all night with someone I barely know,” she laughed softly.

“Ah, c’mon,” I teased. “You know me. We’ve been talking all night.”

“But do you know me?” she challenged.

“I’d like to.” I swallowed and glanced down at her. “Is it too forward if I kiss you right now, or should I wait until we watch tomorrow’s sunrise?”

“Kiss me, and find out.”

When my lips collided with hers, the only roaring was that of the ocean.

__

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[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA